#next week ill have the chance

[wilczachannn]

i literally had the PERFECT opportunity to come out to my school counselor BUT I DIDN'T GO TO SCHOOL TODAY AUGBHHHH

#its womans day today and i am no woman #the joke is that if she mentioned something abt it i would tell her something like 'that aint me' but i DIDNT GOOOO #next week ill have the chance #although it will be overdue BUT STILL #NEXT WEEK #she'll be the first adult i'll trust w/ this info #felix • 🪐

[lupismaris]

Sometimes self care is having a very stern talking to with the wounded scared parts of yourself that don't want to do the hard and difficult things and reminding them that nothing will get better if the hard and difficult things aren't even attempted

And then as a reward you promise to buy those wounded parts of yourself an entirely hot pink/pastel pink practice set if they agree to do the work required, as a little treat

#my doctor hasnt cleared me for the pitch yet so I haven't been practicing or playing yet this season and it sucks #i went to nola to support the team and did so! but i still felt out of place and forgotten about because i wasnt playing #i was rooming with players and the majority of them were very self involved (semi derogatory) which i wouldn't fault them for #if it hadnt been so deeply exhausting and so constant even after the tourney. but it is what it is i was there for them #im just tired of always feeling like the forgotten 'oh right and the other james' and feeling unwanted which isnt true #i have a place with the ferals even with my illness its my wounded ego causing issue. just cause the rfc coach was passively a dick #doesnt mean i need to pass up a wonderful opportunity for play time and friendship. ill have a chance to play with the guys #in time and ill have time to socialize with them as well in time #but i shouldn't squander an opportunity just because im wounded and bitter because of old traumas #besides more time to get fundamentals ironed out #so im ignoring my doctor somewhat and km gonna start practicing this week #lightly. just light stuff you know. cardio and working with the ball maybe since i shouldn't be on the heavy bag yet #and then next week ill buy my practice set and customize it as a Bribe to myself

[deoidesign]

please take as much time as you need to rest and recover. burn out is so hard and takes so much to heal from. your art and your supporters will still be here when you get back :) take care <3

Thank you very much

Unfortunately, my situation doesn't really allow me to take the time I need. I've got a ~two month hiatus scheduled for my midseason, but much like my first hiatus I'll most likely be working double time during it...

It's unfortunate because I could really really use a bigger break!

Having the time and flexibility to work on other projects really fires me up and keeps me going, and being able to take a guilt free day off for family and friends is necessary to my mental health, and I've been having to turn people down lately...

This is a very kind message, and I'm sorry to vent in response! But I just feel transparency about the pressure I'm under is necessary and important. I'd love to take the time I really need, but due to deadlines and that pesky "needing money to live" I can't.

But, once the series is over I intend to take a pretty big break before I start whatever I'm doing next! I've got so many short stories and projects planned that I want so badly to get to, I can't wait to really get to truly dive in to them!

#im so sorry to take a nice message and respond like this! but just... trust me haha i know my supporters are genuinely here for me <3 #but webtoon... not so much unfortunately. i mean im sure i could take a longer break but theres the looming anxiety #that ill get in trouble or itll ruin my chances of working with them again etc etc #i took this week and i genuinely took it off. sort of? i flew to a convention which was exhausting #and i did paintings that i hope to print eventually #and i. started planning and prepping for a Kickstarter. for time and time again... #so ive still been working the whole time. but i love working! #i just... like to be able to work on things OTHER than time and time again... #and unfortunately for a few months. more than a few months. i haven't been able to do anything outside of it. #even all of my paintings have been for it cause i cant afford to switch my mindset! #my first hiatus i moved. worked on a pitch for my next series. and then i made two episodes a week the entire time #and i still ran out of episodes... #i dont know if im just not fast enough or if something is wrong with my brain that i have to fight to get it to focus but. #yeah i mean ive been burned out! been really burned out for like a year now #i can tell by how much better i feel after literally 1 week of doing anything else #and how tired i feel explaining this and knowing ive got another 3 months before i get another break #ok sorry i vented a lot more in the tags. it's hard to explain all of this eloquently and i like my posts to be somewhat professional #asks #anon #vent #delete later #and also how often my brain keeps wanting me to like. beg for 'nice words' from other people #(i always stop myself from asking people for compliments and stuff because otherwise i get very carried away and do it too regularly) #(people are very nice to me all the time. the kindness is endless and i need to let myself recognize and appreciate it rather than seek more #(its sort of a mental health thing I've been trying to like... force myself to do) #(for myself and my longevity but also for others sake lol. ive been bad about it in the past)

[deus-ex-mona]

man. this song reminds me of physiology class

#throwback to physiology class [x] years ago when this clique sitting behind me drank a sip of water every time #our lecturer said the word ‘infarction’ #they kept tricking her into saying the word which was pretty funny at the time #but that’s just what this song reminds me of with the frequency at which they say the phrase ‘white day kiss’ #of all of the new album songs to get stuck in my head… it’s this and abs. #can’t stop thinking about meoto but white day kiss is looping in my mind aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa #i. i think i need some sleep. but my album’s supposed to arrive within the next 2 hours and aufhhfjfjjfjrjdjdjdjdhs #5-7pm delivery is too cruel of a delivery slot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #g god i really shouldn’t have stayed up for meoto… maybe i’d have a little more sanity then… #i keep going back to my tl to look for typos and im just. wondering if this song is really real. #like. dammit. promises to stay by each other’s sides forever???? even through reincarnation too??? #wh. what are the chances that we’ll get a meoto mv this week? (pls say more than 0) #i think we could all windows movie maker a 1-2 image white day kiss mv from the honeypre event illusts if we tried hard enough sooooooo #i sure hope that if any new song gets an mv this week it’ll be meoto!!!!!!! #pls lemme see them being in love all through the seasons ill c r y #ok i’ll shut up for now see you within 2 hours (maybe) when d to the h to the l finally gives me my album

[satans-knitwear]

Still one of my all time favourite dresses ✨

Treat me ~ Tip me

#My lil tiddies have no way of containing themselves tho. So tape is always required 😂 #I adore this colour. Hopefully ill get a chance to dress up and go out and look cute in this one at some point this summer #Would be perfect for a gin in a pretty beer garden #Satans knitwear #If i manage to earn some coins this weekend then i may have a chance of living that dream next week ✨👀 #Sun dress season #Mini dress #Alt pinup #girls with short hair #bi girl #uk girl #cheeky #wlw #Baby blue #Powder blue #🍑 is served #take a bite 🍑

[davidrebooted]

Did the thing I said I wasn't going to do and procrastinated filming all of my auditions lol, after work tomorrow I will FOR REAL try and film these atleast so I can send people SOMETHING

#the hardest one to get done is the dance one but that might be a next week issue #otherwise i plan on doing two songs and a monologue which isn't the worst #my posts #some summer stocks still havent open auditions and won't until april so i do have time/ a chance #next year ill just try and be better prepared

[traaumaa]

getting extremely stressed over simple things....

#i have college interviews coming up lol.. they're virtual which i feel is even worse ughhh #i scheduled them bc i need to hold myself accountable plus i think it will help me explain questions they might have about me?? idk #im just hoping they go well next week and will hopefully increase my chances of acceptance #nerve wracking !!!!!!! #it's so embarrassing to admit ive done nothing this past year and the mental illness card is so overused i feel #.txt

[pallases]

ourgejjg

#i am feeling so ill rn for no reason and i need to shower and wash my hair so bad but i can tell if i do it rn it’ll make the #lightheadedness ten times worse and there is a nonzero chance i will just pass out in there 😭 #best guess is bc my period started today and yeah the first two days suck but they’re not usually This bad #personal #also this is the last thing i need rn it’s tech week and all rehearsals lately have been going/are going to go till 10 pm and i have no tim #to do all my assignments and my probability prof assigned a lab today that’s due TMRW AT MIDNIGHT? <- we usually get a class period btwn #it being assigned and the deadline and he’s not even giving us until the next class period to do it now like why is it due at midnight #instead of noon the next day… also i have not one but two exams immediately following this weekend and i really want to see my family for #easter but that sounds like such a bad idea im so unproductive at home and i’ll be busier than usual when i go home on top of that bc easte #and one of the exams is circuits for which exams are worth 90% of our grade and im averaging a 74% at the moment which is NOT #promising and. AAAAA #also have an exam this thursday which imnot nearly as worried abt but still. and i have to meet w someone abt a scholarship tmrw during my #free period so i Still can’t work on that stupid lab due tmrw night like. this sucks okay ‼️ #the engineering chronicles #the music chronicles #i know it was only a matter of time before musical started stressing me out but 😭 please give me back the joys of saturday’s rehearsal… #oh also there’s ANOTHER probability lab due day after easter and same day as circuits exam and the prof is the same so he knows full well #what he’s doing like. why are you not giving us the usual period in btwn for these anymore fuck you <3 #OH ALSO soldering qualification i need to do for like 3 hours wednesday the night before my thursday exam. nearly forgot abt that one i hat #it hereeee #soldering i could reschedule tho which i might do. but ive already pushed it back once so im like :/ do i really wanna do that #idk. still feel sick as fuck and still need to do physics prelab tonight 😭 it shouldn’t take long but i really don’t want to get up and #stare at my computer even more ifeel so awful rn #ANYWAY. sorry that was oversharing even for me i am just 😐 you know.

[theygender]

I'm now OFFICIALLY permanent at my new data analysis job which in addition to being super cool bc I get to autistically play around in Excel for money now ALSO means that I can get my next piercings since I no longer have to wear a headset for ten hours a day and I am vibrating in excitement. I can finally get more holes stabbed into me

#ive been wanting to get more ear piercings for YEARS #but that is not a good idea when you work at a call center #i can FINALLY get my next ones done tho. im gonna be getting two more helix piercings on my left ear (for a total of three) #once they heal enough for me to change the jewelry ill have so many options to make them look cool #i cant really buy a lot of cool jewelry bc im allergic to most metals which is part of why im just sticking to ear piercings #but with them all being in a line like that i can mix different 'plain' pieces in cool ways #three barbells in a line is already gonna look cool but imagine three jeweled studs in a line #or three captive ball rings kinda draped over each other #or MAYBE if i can find one thats the right type of metal even one of those spiral piercings that goes through all of them #the possibilities are endless #after those heal completely (i am NOT gonna have both of my ears healing at once i would like to be able to SLEEP bro) #i plan to get an industrial on my right ear #im SO excited yall ive been waiting for YEARS & now im finally gonna have my plans for my left ear finished hopefully within a week or two #and then in about half a year or so i can get my plans for my right ear finished too #a year after that ill be fully healed and either be completely done or ready for the new ideas i came up with in the meantime #im going to become the cool dyke with a lot of piercings that i was always meant to be 🙏 #and healing is gonna be much easier now that my sides are shaved. less chance of getting my hair caught or getting shampoo in it #this is gonna be great #rambling

[beauceronn]

Me: be patient

Also me: *refreshing my email every 20 minutes*

#tomorrow ill be doing dog stuff all day so i wont have the chance god bless 🙏 #im also hopefully starting handling classes next week! #which is why i really need to start setting up a store to sell my art #on account of im literally on a 5 month timer before i get kicked out #on a lighter note also hopefully joining a local kennel club so thats cool! #im so stressed genuinely i feel miserable and anxious but alas so it goes. #minimum wage here is reasonable but not really when you consider how much i am paying for gas to drive to work/school/dog stuff #im just very lost. obviously cant work this job forever because it is so physically taxing and inconsistent but i dont have any other - #- options #like how do i begin going about peddling my art? how do i begin building a portfolio? #i HAVE a website but im not even sure what to post #what to write about #etc etc etc #i am a good writer too! i know im a good writer but i just dont know what to write ABOUT #what interests people? #what would people want me to do a deep dive on? #the blessing of being autistic means i love everything about purebred dogs and love doing deep dives on different topics #the curse of being autistic is i can leave no stone unturned and then it becomes overwhelming and i cant put everything into a cohesive - #- piece. #anyway. my situation is not unique but it is to me and the doom and gloom is setting in #apologies if you read this far.

[todayisafridaynight]

Lmao you should tell your dad to take you camping sometime when you'd we him this weekend!

my dad and my sister have this chronic condition called 'making plans and either forget or life comes upon them last minute and bites them in the ass so we have to cancel and """reschedule""" <- we never reschedule' so i dont think that's in the cards LMAO

#snap chats #if i were to look through all the texts sent between my dad and i growing up it'd just be like #'ill see you X Date' and then the day of or the day before my dad'll be like 'sorry something came up :( we'll try next week' #Spoilers we wouldn't try next week and we prob won't talk for months after that #my sister's similar tho she's like. 2% better about it but that's cause we reside in the same household. sometimes #she has friends and a boyfriend so sometimes she stays with them LOL #still i've just learned that they always end up too busy to spend time with me which is FINE #i get it life's busy for everyone so i try not to let it get me down too much it's bonkers to assume they can put aside other things for me #its my fault for not having friends to spend my time with so i just have to. work on that. somehow LOL #for camping though maybe i can bully my dad into taking me for my birthday... #tho just seeing him would be a good enough present and the best chance of that's just us goin to the city and not doin anythin crazy #i love the city so it's win-win either way LOL #ok ill wrap up my Monthly Required dad rant OOPSSIEE

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#ok. so the guy from school i visited emailed me today like: good news! we unanimously voted to extend u an offer here #so expect the formal offer in the next week. and im like uuuugh i wanna say yes so bad #bc in the us i would have more flexibility in the program than i would in the uk #and my options in the us r either to b a big fish in a small pond at this schoolor a little fish in a big pond at the other #bc this school is underfunded and a bit isolated out in the mountains but the staff r pretty great and big egos dont seem like a big issue #but if i go to the other school its like a big well funded school. the application was like 75 dollars. fuck u and really annoying #and i mean id have to live in new jersey. so in the city with city driving and prob a more high pressure school environment #and more of a chance of dealing with big egos. but like career wise im sure it would b good. assuming i don't mentally collapse #but i mean that doesnt seem as fun as spending 5 years out in the rocky mountains #like thry have fucking moose and bears! there were deer and turkeys in town! #and my dad just sent me a video of all the spring peepers singing back home and im like 😭 bc froggies and he was like i bet u could find #frogs out in [redacted city] and im like 😭 ur right. it just seems like the better choice for my poor overtaxed brain and the project is #so cool too. i want to get the cyano species as my computer background asap. and the guy is nice and apparently super supportive #and i could probably walk to hiking trails. god. i mean i have to say yes to that. i wanna say yes so bad. send me the formal offer bro #ill fucking take it before i even hear back from the other schools lol. ugh. i hate making choices #oof i am so excited to kno where im going and plan my departure. its gonna b such a pain moving tho i pray that my mum or dad can drive #with me bc otherwise the 20hr drive by myself might kill me. thats almost as bad as my initial move out here lol. the us is so big #ugh. again choices. is this the right choice? probably one of the biggest decisions of my life. the project feels so right. cyanobacteria #my algal group of choice. and hot springs. how tf do u say to no to that? i mean. id b doing that in new jersey too but with red algae #ugh. put me out of this misery lol. also as an aside. shout out to my fucking disaster brain for not being able to focus on a single thing #my boss in a meeting: so glad to have students and staff so excited to b working on this project!! me: lady i hate that im on this project #bc im just sitting in until they can get an actual student. i just do what im told but appreciate the enthusiasm lol #ay. im so tired. i wanna see the snow and mountains. and fix my head. and get outta the desert. and listen to frogs 🐸 😌 #unrelated

[theantiproduct]

dating is weird

#went to this guy's apartment 4 the first time last night and it was soooooo bad man #we played mario cart and a card game #that was nice #bbuuutt his place is so dirty there were toenails clippings in the toilet bowl!!! bro wtf ive never seen that before #and his couch was old and shredded to pieces by his exs cats apparently but like idk cover it up maybe? am i overreacting? #he also did this thing where he scratched his ear with his pinky and gave it a shake? ive never seen anyone under 60 do that welp #i think that did it for me lol the ear thing ruined me dont ever do that with #with someone youve not been married to for 40 years man #hes also a bit shorter than i thought without shoes i felt like a giant sitting next to him and i know it's not the most important thing #but idkkkk its really sad cause i feel like we have so much in common which is kinda rare so idk do i give it a chance or let it go? #we still havent kissed cause im very much guarding myself and told his that #but im also wondering if i was more attracted to him i night have already tried to push myself to ger closer #not really used to feeling like this with men lol but also feel like theres not many options out there so do i try to make it work and #kinda settle yk? #tbh this is a great distraction from my health issues lol ill be dealing with that next week ha #lmk what u think if u read this shit #missed tumblr rants #personal

[girls4etho]

just. just... 2 weeks til easter break.... just 3 weeks.... just gitta get thriugh these exams.... no reports so my mom doesnt even have to know about them.... just 3... weeks...........

#and then i get a beautiful 2 week break to actually recover my fucking sanity. because i cannot keep this up #full chance i will have a total mental break before the next term starts. maybe ill check out that private clinic #god. everything is so Much. how the fuck am i making it through aanother year of this. jesus lord

[arodrwho]

ughhhh

#my shoulder has been low level bitchy for the better part of a week and like #the plan is to wait until my arm is completely fucked and then go to urgent care about it #bc i want to be seen when the problem is at its most ?? disabling i guess? #bc i dont want it to seem like not a big deal and also if they run tests i want like #the highest chance of their being actually smth for them to find #but also im a little concerned this is just going to go away completely without getting to the point where i have like. issues moving #and then ill have another fuckin. 7 months of no shoulder problems at all #and only minor monthly hand problems instead #and if that happens im going to tear out my hair i think #bc i do not want to wait that long! and bc it makes it seem like the problem isnt rly a problem since it can be that rare! #but also like. it always comes back in the end #like. literally always #sometimes it's 3 weeks between episodes sometimes it's 7 months but it ALWAYS happens again #and i dont know how to make a dr believe that when i cant even seem to show a dr the actual most difficult problem #hhhhhhgh #i am. tired. of this #maybe i should just make a regular dr appt about it tomorrow if the low level bullshit is still there #or just. go the next time my hand is fucked if this dissolves #bc the hand issue has replaced the shoulder issue as my monthly problem for the last few months now

[be-good-to-bugs]

someone legit needs to stop me from spending money

#the bin #im so excited abt getting to see my siblings again and so whenever i see smth they would oike i keep buying it #but i need to stop. i need the money for moving costs #but also. what if i did buy the build a bear rollerscated from the thrift store. its a good decision that i definitely wont regret #along with the other purchases #i mean. its honestly fine. but i really shouldnt. i have a hard time caring tho. #im also really upset bc i lent my sister n her boyfriend $300 and they are apparently gully out of money so that wont be getting back to #me for awhile. i mean. she could not have predicted that our dad was gonna die. so im being very forgiving #HOWEVER. theres other unrelated costs that have come up so apparently the whole 'ill get it back to you within a week' was bullshit #this was my very last chance im giving her. only because it was rent related and i did have it. i think theyll at least get it back to me in #the next month so. but this is the last time i lend them money :/