#needed to write my feelings so theyre not as scary i guess

[meatriarch]

overview cont. i guess lmao. no one asked but its been something in the back of my mind for a while now & i got an anon tonight telling me i come off intimidating and i feel the need to just. make note of some things so that hopefully if anyone feels a certain way with how i run this blog then like. know and understand both my side as well as that my dms / disc is open for anyone to pop into -- just obv depends on the headspace at the time.

i know this is long & am sorry if it doesnt make sense but. just setting it gently out there.

but, again, my disc ( same as my url ) is open for any mutual. its open to shoot the shit. open for plotting. open for memes. what have you. i may not always get to every message. i may not be in the headspace for certain things or certain energies. but its open for anyone as long as we are mutuals & if handles are different between here & disc then i just get a heads-up abt who you are so i know lmao

likewise, i am fairly fucking slow writing-wise and alot of that is because of offsite issues chipping into me but also because most, if not all, of the things i DO have in the inbox or drafts are from my affiliates at this time ( tho i do have some more from the archive i need to move over from a couple people ). alot of my spoons and drive to write and post is because of the dynamics and plotting built between our muses. im not a blog centered on plotting but, it does help to have a better idea on how to navigate between muses c: esp for those technically outside of my kiddos' texas canon obviously. that being said, anyone is welcome to like any inbox calls i put out there. and my inbox is always open and accepting, even if i havent reblogged prompts in a while -- i have my tag linked on my pinned and its available always & for whomever. it just comes with the understanding that i may take a while to respond to them & they may not get as expansive as some of my posts can get with my affiliates; which again, is just simply from how much we've been building together that helps with that!

on that note. my connections with my texas pals are very dear to me. both ic & ooc. as i noted in my overview post, i talk about the dynamics we've built openly and freely here because theyre so integral to my portrayals. they & their kiddos have my entire heart and i unapologetically love having fun with them and going on tangents with them and bouncing thoughts off of each others posts on the dash.

my experiences in other corners of tumby rp have not been particularly kind. and its been a long time since ive felt comfortable especially ooc with writing partners. and i understand if i may come across closed off or intimidating or unapproachable. i understand if i also come across partial to them / play favorites because frankly... i am. i do. thats because they've built bonds not just between characters but also with me. ill be very transparent and say that i am very particular in who i get close with and that translates into here too. but thats also just something that easily can also happen with literally anyone. again i do understand if i come across closed off in any sense but genuinely? im not scary and i have options open for continuing to grow more connections with people c: theyre open always. what im not going to do, however, purely out of personal experience is chase after interactions. the last fandoms i wrote in i did so and it wore me down into my last hiatus. i will show equal enthusiasm to whats given. but i wont fish for it, either. its just not my cup of tea.

i like to think im fairly patient and understanding in a lot, probably moreso than i should in some cases -- sincerely though if theres issues know that im fine with it being brought up. but im also not going to be welcoming nor tolerate my boundaries being disregarded or disrespected, im already dealing with that with an offsite friend. not dealing with it here. i do not like feeling so uncomfortable existing on my own blog or in my own disc. and i get that already with my personal disc & this offsite friend in particular. im not dealing with it here too.

which on that note, i also wont be receptive with issues regarding what i post, what i talk about, who i write with, who i choose as affiliates or mains or w/e. my blog & my dash are my safe & comfort zones and these muses often help me alot with navigating when my headspace is at a fucked up level. if any of that is a concern yes youre welcome to come to me and talk it over but end of the day? my comfort & mental state is a priority to me. if thats ever an issue i truly would just recommend you do what you feel is best for you. everyone existing on this hell-plane are entitled on curating their space in whatever manner they see fit.

again. i promise im not scary. im not an ass. but i do curate my space to be in my best interest and at my age & experience across the 10+ yrs ive been rping on and off here, ive seen alot, heard alot, experienced alot. i do apologize however if i do come across unapproachable or intimidating. i do apologize if i seem closed off to only a select few. i dont mind if you follow / we're mutuals solely just to keep up with what i write! thats completely okay too and i thank those who are <3 but if i seem unapproachable i literally just gently gesture again to my disc or prompts tag etc! i welcome any to get to know myself or my muses. regardless of how much time has passed since following one another. just again, comes with the understanding that my social battery & headspace often does work against me. and thats not personal against anyone, ever.

#[ 𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘦𝘦. ] ── * psa. #im hoping this all reads fine and w/e cause im fist-fighting with a headache rn but. #just to hopefully idk. make a few things known? i guess? transparency a bit? again i promise im not a scary person lol but i am just. #careful with alot of avenues. and i get this post is also fairly rigid in tone most of the way but im. pretty tuckered out by alot #and being known as like... intimidating is something i have personal issues with re: old friends offsite. so. trying to state what i mean #as direct hopefully as possible.

[gunpowder-arti]

actually yknow what. tumblr gets the arti rant

partially copypasted from something i said a while back. on discord

first and foremost, know this: i Do Not Like fanon arti. ofc no hate to anyone who does, or who writes them more sympathetic, but. alright, first of all, i think i need to bring up the fact that they're the Only slugcat who is consistently, broadly hc'd as female?? which is. nothing wrong with reading them as such (hell, the dating sim writes them that way) but. considering that their whole Story has to do with Parenthood and all that it's kind of. a little bit ehhh to me that they're the Only one.

and then there's. right. i find that the broad interpretation of them is largely sympathetic, which i am Not a fan of. i've seen people who interpret them as not killing people but,, that is clearly not the intention of their campaign. i very much interpret the scavs as sapient and tbh i feel like if you interpret them as Just Animals that is kind of. willful denial of canon at best but that's a whole other thing that i will Not go off about right now

uhh, either way. their actions, as portrayed in canon, were unjustified and unjustifiable. like, i call them a war criminal because um. that is what collective punishment is !! i just. they are a hypocritical mass-murdering war criminal and that is part of what makes them so compelling to me. once again no hate to anyone who reads them as sympathetic but it's. ehh. like rain world is ofc heavily up to interpretation but it reads kind of as,, people justifying their actions because they're a player character?? i guess. and im not saying Arti Likers are Problematique™ hell i like them!! but i like them as a mass-murdering war criminal and the fanon good arti is. boring, almost, to me. also iirc it's also kind of implied that they're the reason we don't see elite scavs again until Saint's time [or ever it's been a while] which has pretty bad implications as to the scale of their rampage and. i don't even know if this makes sense but

i would say arti is the most villainous character in rain world, as I see it--they killed on purpose, many times over. theyre awful and shitty and violent and horribly species-ist and a genocidal murder and they are so so fascinating and yet . the fucking fanon is just 'scary girlboss and/or sadgirl mother' and im not even going to lie it's so fucking boring. let women be villainous

look it's all up to interpretation ofc ofc but . i do find certain interpretations to be in poor taste, or at least just... uninteresting !! and fucking . also i genuinely Hate 'arti adopts pebbles' for a few reasons. mostly the above but also a couple other things which i will Not go off about today but. anyways the mortifying ordeal of loving a character but hating the popular fanon more than words can express

ALL THAT BEING SAID please i implore you not to go after anyone on my behalf. or to start discourse about this. this post is not meant to target anyone in particular or even to be taken all that seriously i just . got 6 hours of sleep last night have not eaten in a bit and have perpetually pissed off disease

#lore pearl #analysis #rain world #< this gets the main tag #the pain of being in a fandom wherein the characters are heavily up to interpretation is that sometimes? #the interpretation will give you the world's most powerful He Would Not Fucking Say That response #anyways im so tempted to he/they my arti as well . but that's entirely unrelated

[satoruhour]

t!!! i am dropping by to deliver a bowl of whatever it is you’re craving right now! 🥣 along with a question i am curious about!! 👀

who is a character you find challenging to write for and why?

hoping the rest of your week treats you well !!! 🥺

not to be horny but im craving for a bowl of dick tbh. BUT ALSO STRAWBERRIES 😭😭😭😭😭 ive only eaten australian ones lately and theyre mostly sour 😭 i want my korean ones but theyre prob not in season sobs. im craving for some tteokboki too, i have the premade one in my dorm but im lazy to make it lolol, mayhaps i will !

i love all these questions you ask my love - currently i feel like nanami, both in sfw and nsfw works because usually when i write i need to imagine myself in a relationship to write (like i dont alr on a normal basis 💀 bitchless behaviour) but it feels more natural and easier to write that way compared to writing about reader and nanami from an "outsider"'s point of view if u get what i mean!! another person is choso i guess? but hes growing on me !!! i just need to practice more for these two. toji a little for nsfw too like dont get me wrong i love writing filthy stuff for hik but hes so big and scary 😭 the grumpy x sunshine FLUFF trope attracts me more than nsfw work for toji but i still enjoy reading disgusting filthy things abt him!!!

I HOPE THE REST OF THE WEEK GOES WELL TOOOOOOO ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ (i missed u and have a nice weekend hehe :3)

#asks #satoruhour's mutuals #shotorus #shotorus-interact

[gayspock]

OK SOMEEEE gripes

im ACTUALLY extremely conflicted on some of the present day stuff and i think its mostly down to the characters

like im very happy with jeff, and i think he's fine as is - brilliant, even, bc hes a genuinely refreshing take imo as opposed to what they could have easily done (i.e unlikable, distant from it all husband). not that he would be CRAZY or unreasonable to resent shauna, but like... its just fucking so much funnier + more interesting to me to see a character kind of just go with it, rather than to have them stew in angst. like i think its more interesting and allows for them to explore different beats than what you'd assume they would if you'd just known the basics of what shauna was up to. imo

similarly i was happy with adam as a character, too, and i think they developed him well enough for who he was and how he functions in this story. im glad he didnt turn out to be javi (if he was, i guess, bc he still could be technically that kinda suck wway more now tbh booo) and whilst there was nooo way he was gonna survive if he was just some guy which he was

theres also guys like kevyn. my jokes aside abt how scary he is im kinda fine with him, and i do actually makes some kinda sense that hes a cop + that he's now so straight-laced. some loser divorced dad. and it'd be a good comparison to natalie, and the lifestyle she lives now and how their paths diverged. however i kind of wish they'd... just let him go? like i wish he'd been at the reunion, and they'dhad that exchanged and then he'd just walked away to his wife and kids and her back to the yellowjackets no return no return no return huh what was that YEHA. my point is. i feel like there's no true resolution between them two thats organic and it just kinda feels weird to keep him around past that. i know they need a cop character for whats happening with shauna now but it just feels kinda ... bizarre to have him playing that role with that creep dude. bc whilst i do prefer limited characters in a show like this and to keep it tight and clean it just feels weird for it to be him and for it to be THAT insular AND, again, for him to keep sticking around when i dont feel like theres anywhere for him to go.... like its kinda DIFFERENT with the other cop dude, bc he isnt pre-established and he does kinda just function moreso as just. a fucking yuckhead fuckhead but instead its just this weird uhhhh. and kevyn is back! um. he will continue serving this purpose and we will never touch on him and natalie again. bc we shouldnt ofc but it also feels weird to have him there without ever mentioning it LOL

who else. fuck. like i am also very conflicted abt tai's wife and son like.... they do just feel a bit like- theyre just there? and i think that DEFINITELY makes some sort of narrative sense with tai, and with her whole deal- she has it all, she has everything but she has nothinnggg but... IDK KINDA SAD MAN. bc its weird i'll go back to this with jeff and callie, but it does make SENSE that the non-yellowjackets characters are always gonna be secondary with the story theyre telling in more ways than them just being secondary characters but with how fucking impossible it is to reconnect with fucking ANYONE after everything they did/went through BUT ITS LIKE... like i said i kinda like jeff and ironically his absolute lack of personality became a personality, whereas with simone&sammy i feel like theyre just kinda... SUPER functioning and that does kinda make me worry because whilst i know a lot of ppl are yelling for tai/van endgame... i dont know it feels weird to write them off fuckin completely which is what i feel like the show might kinda lean into at some point...😭like i want more for them, and from them. and i also sorry i also hate fucking "scary child who sees the supernatural" trope SORRYYYY its so tired to me and so lazy . give this kid some proper fucking development

and i think its also another issue im having with the present day stuff. theres too many characters rn and its being misspent. like do not get me wrong im not against quirky elijah wood BUT i feel like misty's ENTIRE. FUCKING. ARC. RIGHT. NOW. would be so much more fucking effective if she was alone and tracking down natalie by herself and kinda struggling with that. OR if they kept up her rapport with jessica- like have her tag along, whether it'd be under the guise of a fixer or not, and maybe have her cause some tension bc again if eel like.. ITS SO MUCH WEIRDER just having jessica's entire stint just come to an end in the way it did and it would have been a much more solid throughline into s2 than to bring in elijah wood whos just genderbent misty and its like . ok its just nott.... INTERESTING TO ME... SO WHAT. SHES FOUND A GUY LIKE HER? WHO CARES MAN. IM SAYING THIS AS A LITTLE FREAK WHO CANT CONNECT WITH OTHERS & YEARNS FOR KINSHIP, LIKE... I JUST FEEL LIKE ITS KINDA BACKWARDS AND REGRESSIVE AND NOTHINGGGG. jessica was a much weirder fucking dynamic and i think could have been interesting and i do think theres ways they could have had them both pursue natalie but now its just... ehhhhhh like

and i also feel like elijah wood is kinda bringing up the comedic parts of misty's story and dont get me wrong i LOVED a lot of the dark humour bits from her in s1 but i feel likw now its kinda getting too close to just. that. kinda like just oh funny joke funny dark humour. and losing a lot of the substance it should have, which is kinda necessary to the humour itself....AND he's sort of stealing her limelight like WHO CARES. GO AWAY DUUDE. have confidence in misty to be able to CARRY this shit, cmon, bc no offence elijah but SHE WAS WAY BETTER AT IT! bc thats whats so GOOD ABOUT THE SHOW OTHERWISE- you have the confidence to let all these girlies to carry their plotlines by themselves, so dont slip!!! GET BACK UP. and again im saying with the too many characters thing- its just... ehrhh. who cares to spend so much time on him??? whos just out of nowhere when its like.. again i'd prefer it if you spent that time with taissa or with .....

CALLIE. SHHES PROBABLY THE PERSON IM THE MOST CONFLICTED ON IN THE WORLD. bc in so many ways again i feel like we cant focus on her too much in shauna's little life that shes made for herself but I JUST... I CANT HELP BUT FEEL LIKE WE'RE IN THE MOST UNCOMFORTABLE SPOT IMAGINABLE WITH CALLIE, wherein we dont get enough of her and her side to really empathise with her but we get too much of her to find her on the wrong side of irritating-AND THAT. SUCKS. THATS THE WORST. EVER. BECAUSE SHES LITERALLY A TEENAGE GIRL. I FEEL LIKE THERES SO MUCH MORE THEY COULD DO WITH THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN SHAUNA/CALLIE IF THEY PUSHED FOR IT MORE, BUT ITS JUST... again its in this such an awkwwaarddd position where they only bring her in to be difficult it feels like. and the thing is? shes being reasonable. MORE than. shes totally justified in all the shit shes doing. but bc of the unfortunate way its framed she comes off as...... sadly.... unlikable which . again AGAIN IT SUCKS. BECAUSE SHES A TEENAGE GIRL AND THIS FEELS LIKE THE FIRST SHOW IN A LONG TIME TO HAVE A CAST FULL OF UNLIKABLE FUCKING TEENAGE GIRLS BE THE BEST EVERRRRRR AND SHE COULD BE SO GOOD MAN SHE COULD BE SUCH A GOOD WAY FOR SHAUNA TO LOOK INTO THE PAST BUTEE..... they kinda just write her off too and bring her up to cause complications obly. thats all it is. and i dont know i do get it i dooo get it bc again it makes SENSE with shauna and who she is and where her life is that the presentation would thereforebe kinda more her perspective but also... i do just feel... ITCHES. LIKE IM CLAWING AT THE WALL

ok last thing maybe idk. idk how i feel about lottie at all. its strange. i felt like she..... was kinda not present enough in s1. does that make sense ever at all. i wish we had more from her and her whole visions thing, and she had as much focus in the past as the others did from the very beginning. bc i feel like in s1... we didnt see enough of her in that regard? like we got her- we got bits of her. but not enough of her-her. bc im fine with her kinda story on paper (ish) and how its playing out but i t does feel weirdly unba;anced across s1 / s2. and its throwing me a bit there

#Egg.txt #yellowjackets liveblog

[rt-lots]

Joining in on the Ian and Rammy ask train… 🌂✏️ (and 🍎 specifically for Ian!)

TW for a fair bit of suicide talk!!!

umbrella - i assume this doesnt need an answer for both of them, bcuz they belong 2 the same story. i imagine ian and rammys story being a vidya game, and i guess itd b a psychological horror? which feels like, pretentious to say but the main scaries of the story are how much ians life sucks and he wants 2 die. so... i think itd count. thats all overarching stuff tho... most of ian n rammys time spent together is lightheared, i think. theyre two dudes hanging out and one of them is slowly coming to terms with the fact his suicidal thoughts won. whatever genre that is

pencil - WAHHH it depends a lot of the time... ian and rammy have definitely made a big resurgence in my brain recently (past month) bc im 18 and can post bout em, but also just cuz i love them sooo much and want to chew on them constantly. id say i write abt/draw them pretty frequently tho!! i doodle them on my school work and in notebooks a lot and they have some of the bigger galleries on my toyhouse lawl. i dont write much directly for their universe, but ive typed... many paragraphs to my friends just braindumping the shit i think about them. so, yeah, less often than id like, but theyre up there in my priorities of ocs :3

apple (for ian) - GRAHHHHHHHHHHH u dont know what demons uve unleashed w this. i already twed this post for suicide but im gonna move this part under the cut bc mentioning ians dad specifically ties a lot into the suicide aspect of the story

OKAY SO. ians family consists of his mom, sister, and him. his dad was in the picture when he was a little kid, like early elementary age, but ditched after some time. his relationship with both parents was relatively normal, they definitely couldve done a better job raising him, but they were never intentionally hurtful nor did they scar him at all. (well, correction, his MOM didnt scar him at all)

after ians dad left, though, his side of the family still kept in touch... they gave very flimsy reasonings for his fathers absence, why he couldnt make it to holidays, why he wasnt saying all these things directly, etc. it kept things strained and tense as the family knew things were being kept from them but never got to know why. the last interaction ian ever had w his dads side of the family was on his 18th birthday, where his uncle gifted him a silver handgun with his name carved into the handle. it was a hollow attempt to connect with ian, a display of violent masculinity that ian would later use to try and take his own life.

i dont have it fully figured out what this *means* for ians character, but its something i go insane about. ians only memories of his dad are him doing stereotypical masculine dad things w him, like fishing. maybe he didnt interact w ian ass if he was his child, but if he was his son, and that improper socialization is part of the reason he hates himself- why the gun is what kills him. but... i dunno really. ians social anxiety, addiction, and general collapsing in on himself are cuz of a life time of mental illness that went unchecked until he successfully isolated himself to the point no one *could* care, not just cuz daddy give him gun.

okay! that is NOT what u asked at all but now u know it. hehehe. of course ian and rammys story is a big wip forever so excuse me for any side tangents and/or general plot points w loose ends

but! as for his actual relationships w family (ill include sister since his relationship w mom isnt rlly fleshed out yet):

he and his mom havent spoken in 6 years, nor have he and his sister. he slowly faded out of their lives when he moved away, partly out of a subconscious desire to isolate and partly due to just not having the social confidence or energy to maintain regular communication w his family. his mom is the first person he talks to when he escapes his Puter, and she's his rock in his remaining months of recovery. shes very underdeveloped as a character atm, but what is certain is she tries her hardest to understand her sons struggles and support him, offering to pay for therapy for him. ian loves his mommy lalala

ian and his sister are... dddifferent. ian also had an average relationship w his sister, but shes a lot more upfront with him when it comes to talking about how his 6 year absence effected her than their mom. their mom, while wanting her children to seek help for their respective struggles, doesnt really want to actively talk about those things with them. shes terrified of saying the wrong thing, and it doesnt help that she doesnt even have a clue what *to* say. ians sister, though, isnt afraid to tell him "hey man we fucking missed you. your absence hurt a lot because i didnt have any friends either, and i wish we couldve had eachother. jackass" post main-story they are friendly and hang out. during his time w rammy, ian does talk about his thoughts on his sister before he left, that being that shes a "crazy bitch"... family <3

#walkie talkie #ian #ask game #would u believe me if i told you i missed multiple details i wanted to share here #i typed this for like 45 minutes AHHHH #i keep fucking answering these like totally unrelated to the original question sorry guys #can u tell i love my ocs #tw suicide mention #tw suicide #suicide mention #ask 2 tag also !!

[theendofuno]

okay….haii tl;dr: i want to throw myself from a reactor nuclear and besides loving this page dearly keeping it daily isnt helping me with these kinda of thought so ill start a god-knows-who-long hiatus

now *puts a music box version of meltdown by iroha for dramatic purposes* *cleans throat* pretending im talking to an audience its easier for me okay dont judge me :(

i dont know how to write texts but ill try my best to explain everything without going into too much annoying stuff but the text may have a few suicide mentions here and there

okay

i created this page in a very dark period of my life that never went away, it actually worsened everyday. it was supposed just to be fun and games, "oh this character didnt got released this month, maybe drawing him everyday for a month until he gets here will be very funny!!!" *stares at 2 years*

as you can see, i didnt had ANY prepare to keep going for the long we did, but this is 100% not a complain

i really love this page, i really do love everyone i've met, i love having this project with my best friend, but i cant and wont lie: it made me VERY worse than i already was. it made me feel good, it made me feel loved, it made me feel human again, and at the same time it absolutely killed me

having to keep this consistence everyday, having to do good drawings, not allowing myself to do what it was better for my own health just because i didnt wanted to disappoint people with silly drawings when the first week was all cool drawings full colored with a bunch of details, references and etc

i really lost my count of how many times i had a terrible breakdown or even an attempt and my first thought was just "yeah that sucked. anyway i have to work so people will have some art tomorrow!"

and to be honest i dont think starting this page with my friend was…..that of a good idea. i know youre here just for their art. you dont need to lie i know theyre better than i am and you would prefer to see their art everyday other than mine. dont worry the feeling its mutual

but well theyre a slow artist and i wont be the one forcing them to draw everyday, i am the one that can do it and thats what i did for 300 days until now!

but that was something that kinda broke my feelings also cuz im very harsh on myself and keeping comparing their drawings to mine, not only the quality but also the different attention it all got (and sometimes it was almost a 20 likes difference so..sucks to be me ig) isnt doing good for my little damaged brain. its 100% not their fault tho and im not saying it is KJGDKFDK but if im going to be honest then i will

i dont know how to keep going the text tbh,, so,, my point is that im havent felt well since i started the page, and i love it with my whole heart, and these feelings have nothing to do with uno, grand chase itself, or the community (maybe a 2% fault go for annoying people from twitter /hj), im just being a little egoistic and doing this for myself or otherwise i can go completely insane and well. psych wards dont look funny :(

i really feel nasty, an HORRIBLE human being, absolute egoistic trash by abandoning the page, i feel SO FUCKING BAD for not drawing my son, by not updating here everyday and allowing people to see the silly stuff i do, but i guess i got to my breaking point where i just cant keep ignoring my suicide attempts by drawing and keeping my mouth shut (really, my last attempt was so scary i didnt fully recovered from)

yeahhhhhhh

i guess that was it

i pinky-promise i'll try my best to keep drawing and posting everytime i can, but it wont be daily, and it may not be weekly also, but i didnt gave up and i WONT gave up, this page is my absolute pride and joy and i cant just let it go away for a bad mental day. i still love and forever will love uno and drawing him, and i'll be forever happy for everyone i've met and helped me even without they knowing, just by liking or commenting on my stuff

i hope you guys can forgive me for abandoning stuff right now and i hope y'all dont forget me. i wont be mad if you forget me. i'll just be a little sad. maybe cry a little *stares at you like that ( ◕_◕)* but dont worry. its okay.

i'll be trying my best to get back posting daily at least around day 330, but dont put high hopes. please. dont expect much. bigs chances i'll be just dropping a stick man with a heart ahoge saying haiiiii and go back to posting silly ugly art

#daily-uno

[strawberryscorp]

thanks for the tag @ace-aussie-asshole <33

hanks for tagging me @ace-aussie-asshole 🫶

Are you named after anyone?

no, but my full name is actually really pretty. its really uncommon as well, and i let a lot of compliments on it. i wish this wasnt the internet because if i could i would brag about my name all the time haha

When was the last time you cried?

just now, actually. i had my first therapy session ever and it was kinda scary, but my therapist was really kind and we didnt get into anything super triggering yet. she also had a squishmallow frog on her couch that i held the whole time, but there was a dino one on her desk and maybe next time i’ll ask if i can hold that one instead. i really like dinosaurs.

Do you have any kids?

nope, and i dont plan to. i dont think i could handle the pressure of raising a literal human being without fucking them up. i think i’ll just stick to babysitting instead

Do you use sarcasm a lot?

yes haha, but almost always in a joking setting. i try not to ever be sarcastic in a way that sounds rude, yk? i am very good at picking up sarcasm, however, and its really funny when i do. a lot of people seem mean and sarcastic when theyre actually just being funny and its a beautiful realization when that sinks in

What’s the first thing you notice about people?

their facial expressions. i notice the way their face moves, and how they react to stuff. its jsut interesting for me.

What’s your eye colour?

deeep deep brown (the best color). they look almost black. someone told me that when i look in the sun i get little sparkles and my eyes look like the night sky, and thats stuck with me for a while.

Scary movies or happy endings?

well, im weak and i physically cannot watch anything scary. i dont think ive watched a movie that doesnt have a happy ending, if im gonna be honest. as you mightve guessed, disney movies are my favorite.

Any special talents?

i can hoola-hoop really well. my record is four at a time

Where were you born?

the usa (WHAT THE 🦅 IS A KILOMETERR)

What are your hobbies?

reading, writing, listening to music, drawing. id like to get into crochet.

Do you have any pets?

no, but i want one so damn bad. i really love dogs, but the neighborhood where me and my family live doesnt allow them.

What sports do you play/have you played?

i used to play soccer. by play i mean i would pick flowers and stare at the clouds. but i had fun, and thats all that matters.

How tall are you?

not gonna lie i have no idea. im like, slightly less than medium height? lmao i dont really know

Favourite subject at school?

maths, i know i know im a nerd. im just really good at it right now, and a lot of my friends come to me instead of the teacher when they need something explained which brings me so much joy.

Dream job?

honestly? a youtuber or content creator. slightly more realistically, an artist. or someone that works with animals. im pretty open to a lot of careers

@caramelapplesauce

im not sure who else to tag so moots and followers feel free to do this too <33

[valleynix]

Chapter 18 analysis LETS GOOOOO

I wanted to get this out sooner but I’ve been so busy lately 😭

Anyways congrats on 39k hits and 1100 kudos on ao3‼️‼️‼️

1:

THEY CARE‼️‼️ I now believe everything lunny says, since they never lied before. I trust in lunatic intuition

2:

Man.. I Wonder who do that 🤨🧐🧐🧐

Truly an unsolved mystery

3;

MY HEART

Daniela loves reader sm omg

And reader really is someone who grounds daniela, considering that she didn’t go feral when they were bleeding in front of her the second time and the fact she literally drank their blood

SHEE NEEDS THEMM

4:

You sure about that 🤨🤨

I’m assuming reader is gonna tell Bela the truth next (since telling Alcina is scary af) and I’m really excited for the scene to happen

5:

SHES IN LOVE OMGG THEYRE SO CUTE

This whole scene had me giggling and kicking my feet they're so cute together 😭

I also think Bela is going to be the next person to confess her feelings to reader, AND I CANT WAIT I LOVE BELA

6:

I love jealous reader LMAO

7:

I was worried for a second that lunatic still wanted to work for Miranda, but thankfully they were just faking it 😭 (correct me if I’m wrong) but I wonder, was Miranda watching them from nearby for them to fake it? Or was she doing some mind stuff?

8:

This part was when I kinda knew that it wasn’t lunatic causing any of the hallucinations. Cuz if I remember from part one, the hallucinations that lunatic shows were mostly of the dimitrescus being very.. uncomfortable? I guess? (I don’t really know how else to describe it) and maybe some other stuff about them crumbling/dying. But I never remembered lunatic showing them something about reader themselves (correct me if I’m wrong).

9:

NAH WHO TF R U

I NEVER MET YOU IN MY ENTIRE LIFE ☝️

Okay but this scene really got my brain GOING, the writing was great 😭

And the part with that other voice monster thing was very unsettling. My guess is that the young version thing and the monster thing are the same person, since reader said something about seeing something dark underneath their skin

And I’m glad reader wasn’t really tricked by the weird voices of anything, they know their beloveds would never

10:

THEYRE EVILLL

my guess is that watcher made a deal with Miranda to bring them back to their reality if they torment reader

And for this part I think the someone else is that weird monster voice thing. Maybe watcher was trying to distract reader until the monster attacked them and reader accidentally attacks the dimis? And then lunny snaps them back to reality?

11:

You don’t even try to fight her moving away from you, her brows furrowed as she glances between you and your copy. “You… We trusted you-“

OH MY HEART

This scene was so sad but I’m glad Bela was okay. One thing I really love is how you make the dimis put their family first over reader.

12:

In one last ditch effort to gain her attention away from everything else, you muster what’s left of your strength and energy to mutter out a rough, weak, “Mother.”

BROS MAKING MIRANDA RETHINK HER LIFE CHOICES RN

Her mother instincts kicked in

I do Wonder what’s going to happen now (if mother Miranda is still conflicted with this), like is Miranda going to try to be a ‘mother’ to reader now or?? I LOVE MIRANDA ANGST

13:

You blink once, twice. The third time, your eye does not reopen.

Let me just say- THIS WHOLE SCENE GOT ME GOING

LIKE DAMN READER REALLY ALMOST DIED

Like the other times it was just really bad injuries, but girl really stabbed straight through their neck💀 I am so excited for the next chapter with this reader angst

AND THE DIMIS?!?

omg I wished we were able to hear what they were saying cuz they just witnessed their love getting brutally stabbed 😭

14:

Some time during your spiral, you feel something settle beside you, some weight nudging against your back. When you peek your head out from beneath the blanket, you see that crow leaning into you, watching the door intently. Your copy says nothing to you, no smart comment or even a noise. They watch the door, never straying from their protective position beside you.

THEYRE LOOKING OUT FOR THEM‼️‼️ PROTECTIVE LUNNY THEY CAREEEE

I’m really excited for how their relationship will go, and so happy that lunatic is officially (I think) on reader's side. They’ll be able to talk to each other about everything that happened, cuz even if cass and Dani know they never really remembered anything. So they’ll be there for each other

THIS CHAPTER WAS AMAZING AS ALWAYS

I wanted to say more but I’ve been so busy and burnout lately 😭😭

Keep up the great work ❤️❤️

PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST!!! you better be getting lots of rest and drinking plenty of water/eating plenty of food or ELSE >:(

but onto the analysis <33 i saw the notif pop up on my phone and couldn't stop grinning BAHA

Lunatic has canonically never lied!! maybe omitted some things or said things they truly believed at the time or what they were told, but they've never intentionally lied :3 always a treat to go back and read the things they've said while knowing that bit of information

you could never guess who did that :)

I LOVE THEIR RELATIONSHIP SO MUCH- they literally need each other, both help the other stay grounded and in reality and they're just so sweet and caring and they love each other so much PLEASE MY HEART

i have plans >:3

i already have her confession scene planned out AND IT'S SO... BELA???? IM SO EXCITED TO WRITE IT AND SHARE IT AAAAAAA

jealous Reader my beloved <333

bro was just feeling edgy in the moment 😔 and it was a bit of both! she was definitely monitoring their progress mentally while keeping an eye on them after they took over, which is why she knew exactly where to find both of them. Lunatic, thankfully, also knew she was watching them so they could pretend to be on her side to keep both of them alive a little longer

you're right!! this entire scene was actually meant to be a clear show that Lunatic hadn't even done anything to them; whatever was happening in their head was from an outside party looking to clearly harm them or cause them distress. Lunatic strictly showed the Dimitrescus looking a little wrong or showed specific memories of the Dimis dying/crumbling/injured, but never anything like what they were shown here

i will give you a hint and say they're the same person; it's only a matter of who this person is and what they want with Reader :3 and they know their beloveds would never do such a thing!! they'd never guilt trip Reader for things out of their control

the way i giggled at this MWAHAHA but it's a really good guess!! i suppose we'll see soon enough if your theory is correct >:3

THE DIMIS WOULD PUT THEIR FAMILY OVER ANY READER/OC AND I STAND BY THAT. these mfs who have only had each other for years would NOT betray their own family for some little idiot they've known at MAX a few months. nuh uh. i don't believe it

EHEHEHE I HAVE HORRIBLE THINGS PLANNED >:3 i loved writing this part and having Miranda be utterly conflicted with what to do as she finally saw them after all this time and through all these many different experiments... my heart :(

GENUINELY A VERY SHOCKING MOMENT- like, how does one even recover from something like that?? trick question, but i can let you in on what the fruit flies were doing: Cassandra went straight for Miranda upon seeing Reader fall, which is who we saw as like a blur chasing after her. Bela was completely in shock and unable to hold Daniela any longer, who went to Reader's side and tried to get them to speak to her or do anything to show they were still alive and could see her. Cassandra was then either knocked down or killed (haven't decided which was worse), which caused Daniela to try going for Miranda to help her sister, and that caused Bela to finally snap into action to save her family. it... did not end well

I LOVE PROTECTIVE LUNATIC SO MUCH!!! my poor baby just wants to be loved and appreciated and they're finally realizing that Reader could be the one to give that to them. they're my favorite traumatized siblings and i love them so much <33

AAAA BUT THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS!!! i've been mentally exhausted lately so i understand being burnt out, and i want you to take care of yourself >:/ take breaks where it's needed and worry about yourself first!! or else!!!!

i appreciate you so much and it has been an honor to read your analyses and see the wonderful art you've created <333333

#asks #THIS WAS SO FUN TO READ #THANK YOU

[cyberstabbing]

i hate being able to feel myself slipping into one of my Moods and not being able to stop it. my day started off well (two days off!) but then no one wanted to go with me to the near-by camp site (inner monologue: everyone hates me. other inner monologue: shut up omg chilllll). once i started sunbathing and reading a book about madonna this 40-something year old dad wouldn't stop talking to me and i felt so aware of my body. and then i found out that i'm going to have to cover another person's shift tomorrow bc theyre sick and i've just been alone all day. which means no more days off. and the coworker who was supposed to pick up hard cider from the city today said she couldn't and now i need to pretend like i really don't need a drink and it's scary how much i miss the buzz. and now i'm supposed to organize a camp fire like Now and i'm so worried that no one is going to show up and i'm going to be awkward to everyone. and i've baked bread and bough marsmellows and everything. i think i'm just homesick and i miss my friends and family. but returning to real life after camp means Dealing with real life which means opening my emails and going to my school site and seeing if i even passed last year of uni. and dealing with that. and dealing with trying to get my adhd meds which i haven't had prescribed since march 2021. auurghhhhhhhhhh

(but now i feel slightly better after writing this so yay i guess)

#mine #i had good parts today too

[introloves]

so i have real bad rejection sensitivity and i keep having flare ups- even when it’s just my stupid brain being stupid... this is a comfort piece i suppose... i just needed to get some energy out.

— do not read if you are easily upset please.

— hurt/comfort w bokuto + cw: mental health + heavy angst + barely any fluff + very heavy thoughts of self deprecation + spiraling + bad thoughts + no smut + f! pronouns

there was a suffocating need to make things better. the panic surging through your body felt like little pockets of electricity in the field of your vision- hands twitching with a need to reach out and tug him back into your body.

“i’m sorry.” you whimpered, voice shaky from the tight ball of something hot lodged right behind your tongue.

he turned around, eyebrows shooting up at the way you looked- you looked like you were collapsing in on yourself, eyes tearing up, bottom lip shaking.

he came back, immediately crouching down to cup your face- thumbs brushing away tears.

“hey- puppy... you’re okay.” bokuto murmured, those hands that felt so warm against your already heated skin didn’t make you uncomfortable- you needed his warmth to displace your own sticky and nauseating flare.

it hurt. it felt like you were dying, you’d screwed everything up, he surely hated you- there was no other reason for him replying to you so shortly- he was sick of you and there was no one else who would love you. he was going to leave you and he was going to- he was going to-

“puppy, pretty girl please look at me.” koutarou whispered, moving his hands to take your shaky ones up to his mouth. he kissed them both, smiling at the wideyed look you gave him.

“i’m sorry.” you warbled once more, he was so kind, he took such good care of you always... the only thing you could offer into the relationship was a big ball of broken pieces. pieces that surely cut him up over time, wear him thin- he was going to get sick of you.

no one wanted to carry around shards of a jaded human.

but he made you feel good. he never recoiled at the way your fingers dug into his skin in the middle of the night, when the bad thoughts felt so real- when the fear and ickiness manifested into almost real night terrors. he always held you, those warm hands pressing your shivering form into his own. he curled you up, shielding you from the world.

he shielded you from the night- the stagnant, and endless darkness that always overflowed into the parts of you he’d healed previous.

you knew it was futile- knew that even if he kissed every bad thought away, they’d always come back full force.

and even if he did understand... it made you feel guilty. made you feel even worse because you were so meek and sensitive... it made you think that he couldn’t even get upset around you, all in fear of not upsetting you- and it hurt. it made you feel like you were stifling him, he deserved, was valid in things that bothered him. there was no way he wasn’t on the brink of leaving you, leaving you for something more stable, someone who could simply... function right.

but he was always there- always came back to you no matter what.

it made you feel that maybe there was a chance, maybe there was a way an endless beam of sunshine wouldn’t wane in the overwhelming, inky black fear and terror playing in your head at a constant.

“why are you apologizing silly girl.” he whispered, pulling you in by the gentle grip ‘round your still shaky hands.

“i should be the one saying sorry. i’m tired- had a long week. know my precious puppy’s senstive.” he responded, breathing out a note of happiness when you let yourself meld into his embrace.

it nearly hurt hearing him say it- but you knew he was right. there was never any sugarcoating when it came to bokuto... you really appreciated it.

“should have told you i was going to be a little... down. but it’s never directed at you.”

the tears started back up, followed by a silly laugh- a giggle at the volatile nature of your emotions.

“i’ll always be here, okay? no matter what you do, no matter how sad you are- i’m here and i love you.”

rumble of his chest felt like a lullaby, it felt good.

“love you... i love you.” the words came easy, even in a tumultuous headspace, they were spoken loud and clear, only moving your mouth from his chest to say those things.

even if you had murmured them, muffled by his being- he’d known their truth.

he always thought there was no easier thing than loving you.

#i just needed to get it out of my system #needed to write my feelings so theyre not as scary i guess #i’m sorry #not tagging this as anything else #i’m okay! just sometimes it get crowded in my head

[strawberrybabydog]

(Biggest apologies if I use any terms incorrectly, I’m still learning!)

Do you feel it would be okay for someone non-schizophrenic to have a schizophrenic character, as long as they make sure to do research on it and learn if it’s an accurate portrayal? I have an OC with schizophrenia and I do want to portray his disorder properly, but I’m now wondering if it might not be the best for me to write that into his story, given I don’t experience it myself

He’s a very kind character and I make sure to show that sanism(?) is harmful, if that helps (since I don’t want to seem like I’m wanting to demonize it/make him edgy)

honestly i dont really have an opinion on it. if youre going to write a schizophrenic character i'd recommend doing heavy research into schizophrenia and whatever his psychotic symptoms are if you choose to write him, and maybe even consulting real schizophrenic people about it too if you have questions

i notice that if a nonpsychotic writer canonically declares their character as living in psychosis, the character is usually written pretty badly in the context of psychosis no matter how many psychotics the writer actually consults. this doesnt mean the portrayals are always offensive, i just mean it's not really accurate or theres a lot they get wrong so it can come off a little cringe. when characters are not canonically written as schizophrenic (usually because the writers dont know theyre writing a psychotic character lol) i like their portrayals much better personally (pinkie pie, beatrice horseman, hurley, aaannd i cant remember any others LOL)

i also notice that it's usually in a fantasy setting that the characters are written inoffensively (but still poorly) or their psychosis is used to farther the plot (like in Lost, Hurley hallucinates his dead friends and has the ability to speak with them and convey messages to alive characters) and in non-fantastical settings the portrayals are usually offensive because the character is meant to be edgy, scary, etc

maybe ask yourself, why do i want this character to be schizophrenic? is it for representation? is it because i need this character to experience psychosis to move the plot foreward? is it because i need this character to be traumatized? is it to display anti-psychotic sanism in media and how it effects people? basically, are you writing this character because you care more about schizophrenics or because you care more about the story? usually the author's motive in characters who are schizophrenic is very evident i find. if you're worried about portraying schizophrenia poorly, don't canonically say he's schizophrenic. most nonpsychotic viewers will be none the wiser

like i said at the beginning i dont really have an opinion on it. i have yet to read/watch a canonically schizophrenic character be written well so my standards are very low i guess LOL. when i see a psychotic character in media i usually just roll my eyes and think "here we go again" so the bar is rly on the floor. as long as u dont write him offensive i think ull probs be fine

#asks #not dog #q

[wickedpact]

You can't just drop that "I read Forces Multiplied" bomb on us and not give a ten page written reaction.

[cracks knuckles] if u insist

nicky cant drive hc: destroyed. rip. also i loved how andy and nile stole those sports cars and were being badass and driving off the bridge & meanwhile joe and nicky were just absolutely vibing in the van

'heres the thing about power: people who have it think they deserve it' [shot of police car] i see u greg

5 whole panels being dedicated to booker not being able to unlock his door. booker not even seeing noriko sitting RIGHT THERE in the window at first. incredible

noriko being 24/7 horny was surprising. like wow all of the stuff i saw she did out of context was 100% equally horny in context as it was out of context. love that for her

i didnt think the 'andy + slavery' thing was handled as badly as everyone made it out to be when telling me about it. tho from the way it was talked about i had kind of figured the conflict between andy and nile re: slavery would be really racially charged (esp considering nile is a black american and would obvs have Thoughts on the subject in that regard) but like,, done in a cringey 'a-white-guy-obviously-wrote-it' kind of way? but it wasnt that. i mean. it makes sense that andy would be implicit in slavery through the years

i mean, like she says, is that not what people just did to each other in the aftermath of battles for thousands of years? and i really like how its pointed out that it was what she was raised with (in the beginning when you see her put shackles on that guy after the battle) but she also accepts responsibility for it and acknowledges that it was wrong and not just 'what people did'.

i like how from her expressions you can kind of tell baby andy knew it was off but she sets those feelings aside bc she felt angry. it explains how she felt but didnt make her out to be blameless in it. plus i mean. i dont know, the fact that andy was involved in a lot of morally shady stuff for 7000 years is not that wild for me. if you live that long youre just Going to be involved in some shit, and she didnt even have other immortals with her as positive community influences, she literally just did whatever the fuck she wanted for thousands of years

'i was worshipped as a god once' i mean, yeah no shit she wouldve been involved in some seriously fucked up stuff, gods were fucking scary back in the day

tldr it could use some polish but it wasnt that bad

tho everything people said about moose being boring was unfortunately a little true. sorry king i tried to be interested in you

joe and nicky writing verbal fanfiction about nile and moose was iconic. 'you seeing that?' 'i am definitely seeing that'

it was also extremely funny bc that was like 60% of their contribution to the whole comic, besides kidnapping copley. they came, they wrote some fanfic, they left. kings. at least in tog1 they had an excuse to be useless bc they got kidnapped

joe just found out his old friend who he thought was dead is alive (and also probably wants to murder them) and instead of investigating with andy he stopped to help nile up. champ.

nicky shooting noriko through andy was cool. rip to the concept since it wont happen in tog2

wanna see mr ejiofor deliver this line

on that note imo copley was. weirdly enough, more interesting in fm than in tog1. to me at least. the fact that andy let him live and he was so haunted by what had happened that he came back and sought them out despite knowing they would likely kill him for it bc he wanted to not only make up for what hed done but also to tell them what theyd done for the world was admittedly more interesting than andy just kind of drafting him to the cause and him going 'okie'

i like how nicky was drawn in this one. in opening fire he looks like a blob man but in fm he looks more like a very nice grampa with a very good dye job

'theres no pain like a broken heart' andy 🥺

noriko implying andy's never drowned. .. .idk about that one, she musta drowned sometime

joe and nicky came, they waxed poetic about nile's love life, they waxed poetic about grog, and then they left.

sports bras being a reason humanity is good. i mean..... okay, yeah.

i mean. wild but you cant exactly tell her shes wrong

i liked how noriko telling andy that their purpose is to make people suffer coincides with joe and nicky finding out that they actually did good all those years

joenicky in opening fire: jail for booker jail for booker for 100 years

joenicky when copley tells them he knows where booker is: WE'LL KILL YOU WHERE IS HE

joenicky when copley comes back: if your vibes come off as even remotely rancid we Will destroy you

joenicky 2 minutes later when copley helped them find booker: he made up some ground :)))) <3 lov you j cops

theyre forgiving af

moose: how old are you?? a hundred??? a thousand???

nile [vine voice]: I M 2 7 ?

alright andy you got me there

joe texts like my aunt

i dont know why noriko drowning andy in that car tickled me. Bad And Naughty Andromaches Get Put In The Pear Wiggler To Atone For Their Crimes.

the drowning sequence was cool

copley trying to talk to andy while she was like o_o at him was great

ive hit the picture limit but id seen that panel where nicky goes 'forgive me' as he kills a guy out of context and it was HILARIOUSLY anticlimactic for me to discover that there was literally no context to it. nicky just apologizes to random people he kills. i thought that guy was someone he knew or something. nope its just Some Guy that nicky didnt know from adam

nile's complaint that andy was especially brutal to the guys on the boat... i mean. . , how exactly does one kill a man with an axe and not be brutal about it?

it was funny how noriko kissed andy and the only people who seemed surprised by that were nile and also andy

nicky and joe's complete non-reaction to finding out noriko is alive And Evil Now is endlesly funny. they just left her on that boat and neither cared. i get book and nile not caring but joe and nicky knew her, and they just have 0 input on the subject of what to do with her

pinstripe suit guy!

joe and nicky and booker packing up and leaving with nile

andy blowing up at nile was A Moment tho

i dont know, i get why people didnt like the ending but its. .. . it makes more sense in the comicverse. bc the squad doesnt really. .. interact outside of jobs? i mean, think of the moon landing story in ttt. that was booker and joe and nicky doing a job and andy only showed up a for a couple minutes after it was done. or the brunch in the first issue of opening fire. the squad arent as tight in the comic, and andy often seems to do her own thing outside of work, so andy saying 'i dont want to do work anymore' and the squad being like 'alright bye then' makes more sense in this universe than the movie one

also i feel like greg was Trying to set up a thing where nile becomes the Leader of The Squad after andy dies but like. its not very well done since. . . i mean, nile hasnt spoken to booker since opening fire, (and she only knew him A Day). and shes known joe and nicky all that time, but there isnt really anything that indicates that they have any relationship at all, much less one that's grown. in all the comicverse the only time nile and nicky speak is in FM, and in that scene nicky tells nile about noriko. nile goes from someone who needs to be set aside to have background knowledge explained to her to being the Leader of the group with nothing in between. it kind of... comes out of nowhere.

on the other hand tho... i felt really bad for andy thru the whole thing. well, i always felt bad for andy, but in this one she seemed so miserable, especially since it really felt like none of the others actually.... cared about her. when noriko came back no one asked andy how she was doing (big question ik, but it wouldve showed they cared at least), nobody ever expressed any concern for her, no one even really seemed to want to be around her. in opening fire everyone was more distant than in the movie of course, but there were little moments where she would joke with joe, or nicky would try and comfort her, or stuff like that, but in FM it really felt like they just didnt really care about her. & in opening fire it felt a lot like andy's relationship with nile breathed some new life into her, but in FM it felt like all they did was argue. i get theyre not *as* close in the comics but it really felt like the only person who cared about andy at all was noriko (which was probably also how andy felt) but it just seemed to come out of nowhere. honestly i was reading and i was honestly agreeing with andy that she might just be better off if she did just die. opening fire, on the other hand, never make me feel that way

tho everyone made it sound like when the squad split up it was one of those cursed 'the found family leaves each other at the end of the journey' tropes. but guys i mean,,, this is the second installment out of three. that isnt the End. theyll come back in the third one and Dramatically Reunite to fight some baddies (probably those 'others' noriko mentioned). im guessing yitzhak fits into that too somehow.

anyways it wasnt That Bad but it made me kind of sad and the only Sweet Found Family vibes in it were when they saved booker. also they shouldve beefed up that nilemoose romance, it underwhelmed me. 6.5/10

i also ABSOLUTELY understand all of greg's comments about how you couldnt make FM directly into a movie, he always said that it had no plot and. i get it now. it really didnt have a plot sdfghjkl

#nicoloalkaysani #it took me So Long to type this up #asdfghjk

[xsugarysweetsx]

Ukai x Reader where Ukai and the reader were in the same class in high school. And the reader goes off to be a pro vball player. But then she retires and decides to visit the male Karasuno vball team. Then Takeda is like "can you be the assistant coach???" And shes like sure?? Skip to where they win against Shiratorizawa and she like kisses him and theyre like :0 or something like that, idk 😂 but i live your writing so much, and i cant wait to see what you write next❤️❤️❤️🥺🥺🥺

Hello! You’re one of the few to request for haikyuu! So thank you and enjoy! I changed it a bit but I hope it’s okay!

Look at this pretty man! Look at that smile!!

You were his crush from the moment he laid eyes on you. He was just a second year when he first met you. You were in two of his classes but what made him have eyes for you was volleyball. He had seen you during your practice and he felt his heart skip a beat.

You may or may not have been the reason why he joined in the first place. He eventually had the guts to ask you to practice with him. It became a ritual between you both whenever you had time. He loved everything about you. Not only were you beautiful but you were smart, athletic and skilled in what you did.

Sometimes he would fantasize what it would be like if he dated you. Ugh he would have been the happiest guy in the whole school. But when you had gotten the opportunity to reach you drama of being a pro player, he didn’t want to hold you back.

He had bought you followers to ask you out but instead said they were to congratulate you. You’re ere a little disappointed that he didn’t ask you out, but you accepted the gift regardless. The day you left broke his heart into pieces. Whenever he would see a volleyball he would feel a pang, remembering exactly what it symbolized.

He watched you play in tv and would always feel so proud when you would score. If he didn’t see you in person this was the closest he could get to. As you both became adults, you only blossomed more. Not only did you skills sharpen but you were a beautiful woman now.

He would see the way reporters scanned your body and face and it urked him. He wasn’t sure about his feelings for you but he felt something. After announcing your retirement at age 28 he felt a little sad. Sad to see you go from the sport you loved playing but also happiness and pride.

He was proud of how far you came and happy you had control over your life. The sad thing that troubles him was that he may never see you again.

———

It was just as you remembered it, Karasuno high school. You had come today to speak to the volleyball teams. Apparently they had been doing better than they have in years. First you had gone to the girls and they were delightful, and very motivated to win.

Next it was the boys turn, you heard they got a new coach who was really whipping them into shape. 

The sound of balls hitting the wax floor brought memories back.You were there for another reason but that was to be told with the team.As you stood at the doorway you saw a lot of potential in this team, and you smile to yourself.

There was one boy in particular who was very short but you were taken aback when he sprinted across the court and spiking the ball. Your eyes went wide, what did you just witness? Someone of his height, with that speed and ability to jump, this kid was going places.

It reminded you of yourself when you were in highschool

“incredible isn’t he? He’s our secret weapon during matches“ a voice appeared next to you, looking to your right you see a man of your height. He outstretched his hand

“I’m coach Takeda it’s nice to mea-WAIT you’re..you’re Y/F/N!” He exclaimed

“That’s me, and I’m sure you got my email” you added in

“Oh yes I did thank you so much” he bowed “this way I’ll introduce you to the team” he walked you towards where their coach was giving them a pep talk

“I know the schools are going to be a challenge but if we put our practices into play, I’m sure we’ll make it” you’re more than sure you’ve heard that voice before. When their coach turned I’d when you both realized.

It was Ukai Keishin, wow he’s really grown up hasn’t he? And that hair, it suited him, but it’s been years

“Y/N..hey“ he finally spoke

“Hey Keishin“ you said shyly, your old feelings resurfacing “So, you took after your grandfather huh?” you joked 

“Hey they needed me so How could I turn them down?“ he smiled “Alright everyone, I’m sure you’ve heard of Y/N, one of the pros that retired. We actually attended high together before her career“

The boys chatter and stared at you in amazement, one boy with a blonde highlight raised his hand and asked 

“Were you his girlfriend“ both of you blush and stutter

“Nishinoya don’t ask questions like that!“ exclaimed another with silver hair. The rest of them laughed at the scene. You could tell they make a good team together, not only communicating on the court. 

“She probably has one, come on she’s smokin’ “ said one who looked like Buddha. He got smacked up the head by a girl in glasses who you assumed to be the manager. “I still love you though!“ he exclaimed bowing to her 

“Well, Ms.Y/L/N has offered us something extremely special for the time being during the tournaments“ he looked to you and said “She has accepted to take the position as our assistant coach“ You smiled feeling welcomed already

Not only were you able to help out a team but you were also catching up with an old friend. You both caught up with things that have happened and all. there were even some times where situations became tense. Whether it be catching each other watching the other, or being alone in the elevator or unfinished sentences. 

Even the boys could see the unspoken thing between you both. They all hoped for you to get together finally. Sometimes they would push you to make the first move. Yet you never did.

He felt especially nervous since the finals were coming up. The boys have been working so hard and they’ve improved so much but now they’re going against the powerhouse school.

The match was exciting, scary and it all played out to be a great game. They all exceeded your expectations and made you proud. During the last said they made a come back and block a spike. It got your team the winning point and no one could believe it. It was a moment in history for the team, you couldn’t hold your excitement.

You kept out of your seat and into Keishin’s arms, kissing him in victory. Well some celebrated some stuff to take a look at you both. Not believing what they were seeing with your own eyes. Old friends finally Letting their true emotions show for one another.

He didn’t dare pull away from you instead he wraps his arms around you and pull you closer. This is the Moment he was waiting for for so long, it felt so right and comforting. He finally had you after so many years in such a long time waiting, you were finally his.

When you pull back you didn’t even acknowledge all the surprised faces. It wa just you and him at this moment. Just by how you kissed him he could tell you had those feelings closed off. Put away for years just like him. He rested his forehead to yours and he whispered

“So...did I finally win you? After all this time?”

You chuckle “I guess so, even though I’ve been waiting for years” you peck his lips.

“Shut up and kiss me again” he cups your face and kisses you once again. The team came around to clap and cheer for you both.

You were finally where you belong, with him.

I hope you liked this :)!

#ukai keishin #ukai x reader #haikyuu ukai #haikyuu x reader #ukai keishin x reader #haikyuu fanfiction #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu!! #coach ukai #ukai fluff

[axemetaphor]

Hey, I'm that guy from ao3. I was wondering, do you have a specific place you get inspo for monsters in Auckland? I'm making a DnD campain in the J&D world, aaand I kinda need help haha. Yours are like perfect <3 (Also, if you wanna join us, you can, we haven't even had our zero session and we're not playing actual DnD, I don't know how to play that, so it's ok if you don't know that, it's super easy and fun i swear, you can get a link to our discord, love you)

:0 oh shit hi !! a jdate DnD game sounds cool as fuck! im really bad at games like that tho so im gonna politely pass on that one but wish y'all the best of luck!!! 

as for making monsters my inspo is Kind Of Weird? i mean i look at a lotta horror art for sure (my favourite artist atm is Trevor Henderson aka slimyswampghost on most medias, u may know him as That Guy Who Made Sirenhead but he has a lot of other fantastic art as well!), but since i dont wanna feel like im rippin other people off i actually Dont often use that as inspo! aaaand heres where its gonna get a bit weird

aside from the times i pluck a creature from my nightmares (and boy, do i have a lotta material to work with there), i usually either look into folklore (bein mindful of closed cultures like, i believe most Native American monsters are off-limits for non-Natives to write; im white as hell so i try to stick to british/irish/more recent american shit) or... i look to this one game i played Obsessively when i was in elementary/middle school: Spore (which you can find on Steam i think or their hilariously hasn't-been-updated-in-a-WHILE website). I literally played it so much I can just kind of... imagine the whole creature-creator process. I think it’s a curse. I think Todd Howard cursed me for the crime of Having No Friends.

Now, if you dont wanna download a probably-poorly-aged EA game from 2007 (i dont even know if it’d run anymore if you Just Now bought it, i remember the security measures that thing had damn near broke the game before i could even play it, thanks EA) and play through the first two stages (theyre Long) to unlock the creature creator and all the Bits for it, you can either watch people play that shit on YouTube (Monster Factory is a favourite of mine, they did I Think a 3-video run of Spore) or, 

You can also do somethin that I once did as an assignment for Character Design class: go to a random animal generator, let it spit out 2-3 animals (or as many as you like, i guess, but i find 2-3 to be a Manageable number) and mash those motherfuckers together! Hell, you can even start to mix in stuff like objects/minerals/whatever the fuck too. Make something that’s a dog, hammerhead shark, and the concept of entropy. Go nuts! Here’s an example, some shit I made for that class (which mayyyyyy appear in Auckland...... perhaps. if i feel like it) :

They can range from “cute” to “nightmarish” as you please! Fun fact, that spider/shark/scorpion is meant to be the size of a house. I honestly come up with a lot of messed up shit by just asking myself "What's the worst thing I can think of right now?" and then I just Go For It with whatever my brain's thrown at me. I did that with Nightmare E.T. and the fucked-up ostriches. 'Scary' is often a sort of personal thing for people, like phobias and shit, you know? Lookin inward can be pretty helpful there. Not like you have to make something of your phobias, just maybe run with something that disturbs you a little. If you press yourself for why it bothers you sometimes you can find something deeper and maybe more universal in it. I'm not talking about unearthing trauma or anything tho that likely Wouldn't Be Healthy just like... if you think spiders are creepy, ask yourself Why: is it the eyes? the legs? the venom? the way they just kinda creep up on you, like, you dont notice em til you see them? etc.

As for the monsters in Auckland while most of them aren’t gonna be references (maybe a few more in future chapters...) I will admit the “morning wood monster” is a reference to the Pokémon Trevenant; the "most fucked-up dog [Dave had] ever seen" was a creature from The Moomins just described as horribly as possible--I can't find it on the wiki anymore??? it was from the 2d animated one, though; the Shitsucker is a regular ol’ Wraith (following a specific mythos where they aren’t just Random Ghosts but beings that feed off negative emotional energy, I can't re-find which one I'm sorry lmao); and the haunted ship thing at the beginning is a vague reference to the Buzzfeed Unsolved episode on that big ass boat. Isn't directly tied to it (obviously, 'cause Buzzfeed Unsolved never has much Actual Ghost Activity, let alone one Throwin Shit At Em jhgfds), more just inspired by it.

Maybe when the thing is done, I’ll sort them all into one of three categories--references to stuff/folklore, things i had nightmares about, and things i just kind of thought up. Make a post on here about it, idk

wow! this was fuckin long. i hope at least some of that is helpful!! also im adding this here cause i just remembered some people use Spore to sculpt like?? beautiful monsters and shit?? like i Know i watched a “speedrun” of someone creating a beautiful ass dragon in it. there’s probably a whole community of people out there making epic and/or fucked up shit and you could watch them build it or just scroll through thumbnails for inspo, but i do feel like Building Stuff Yourself is best, cause it just kind of Feels Nice to make something yourself and go “hey man, look how fucked up this is ! scary, right?” and get that Success Feeling when the other guy recoils and goes "yeah man what the fuck though"

#i dunno i have always liked drawing/designing things that are just A Little Fucked Up #and i think im kinda good at it these days! #jdate #john dies at the end #auckland au #boy howdy do i hope this isnt too much of a ramble aaa i jsut get like passionate about design stuff!! #iwannabefixed #thank u so much for this ask and for all ur nice comments #i know i havent responded to All of them yet but im bad at that kjhgfd #dont have enough Mastery of Words to express the amount of grateful i feel but ill get there eventually #not sonic #asks #answered

[inosukeslefttoe]

in my english class we have a project to make a TED talk about the theme of a book we just finished reading (i chose to read Frankenstein), and i wanted to jot down some of my ideas here before i start formulating my actual project

im never super good with picking up on themes, especially in books, since it takes all my concentration to read books in the first place hehe but i actually picked up on one in frankenstein !! 

so throughout the book, even in the opening letter, theres just this aura of loneliness and every character we get to hear a story from is so lonely and just yearning for companionship and solace... the guy at the beginning (robert walton i think) writes to his sister how he longs for a friend to really connect with. victor mourns the loss of his mother in solitude and longs to not be lonely without her in his life. and the monster is obviously the most lonely creature since he has no one similar to himself in the world. so i was like ayo lonliness as a theme i can totally vibe with that

BUT then when i was reading the chapters that were narrated by the monster, i was like ... damn this is so fuckin sad homie ?? hes literally just a human he got the same emotions and needs as everyone else,, hes just got a lil flavor right ?? and so i started picking up more on the idea of,, what exactly defines a human ?? what makes the distinction btwn human and monster ?? like yeah the monster wasnt born of natural means and his body like,, isnt technically human,, but his soul and consciousness totally are !! he finds this beauty and gentleness in life that he adores and wants to protect !! hes so selfless and shares his only resources to survive with others (firewood, food) in order to ensure their survival !! he finds solace in nature and uses it as a way to reflect his own emotions !! he appreciates the arts and goes a journey to possess knowledge !! he feels grief and despair and he mourns !! hes empathetic and is able to share the feelings of those around him whether it be happy or sad !! the only thing he really wants is for others to see him and recognize him as one of their own and accept him as their companion !! hes literally.... JUST A PERSON but not ?? and its so damn unfair that hes out here protecting these people for a year and they even refer to him as a “kind spirit that must be watching over them” ,,, only to try and kill him upon sight ?? same with the lil girl he saved from drowing right ?? ppl only hate him bc hes different and scary lookin and yknow,, not born from conventional ways ,,, but imo,, that rlly doesnt make him any less “”human”” than anyone else in the book.

and thats ANOTHER point i wanna make,,, like if anything i feel like victor is even less human than his monster... like yeah at first hes fine but by the end of the book hes just,,, not even living anymore yknow hes just dedicating his life to the death of someone with no real motive but revenge. hes stopped using nature as a way to reflect his feelings, hes stopped feeling empathy for anyone other than the ppl that already died (and even then i feel like his empathy has sort of been twisted in a selfish sort of superficial way where hes only using them to fuel his hate and vengeful spirit), he cast away his love and appreciation for the gentleness and beauty of life and instead becomes cynical and driven by hate,,, he just does all this shit thats sorta like damn whos really the monster at this point yknow ?? OH i guess another point i could make here is that the action of creating life in the first place,, is kinda stepping out of the boundaries of humanity and trying to reach more of a godlike position /? so even with that action, victor was already starting to stray from being human. although i do admit that ambition is a huge part of being human... victors was a little too much you feel ??

i guess ill briefly touch on the ambition i saw in each character throughout the book since that could be another theme i could use and since i brought it up... uhh so obviously first is victor who is the most ambitious character we meet in the book and his goal was to find the secret to life and become a godlike figure who could create living beings. and he suceeded with his monster !! but then yknow as like o shit i messed up gotta go byYYYEEE !! next up we have the monster who at first isnt rlly all that ambitous he just,, wants to survive. but as he survives and learns about the world he realizes that he doesnt want to be alone and so thats where he gets his ambition : he wants to learn and speak the language and understand governments and hold eloquent conversations and bond with others and have companions. and that also,,, doesnt work too well for him lmao. the last major example is of our other lad, robert walton. im pretty sure he was on some long boat journey to ?? the north pole?? but it was the kind of journey you cant turn back from and you just GOTTA GET THERE and this man was determined to do just that. 

i looked up some other themes and theyre things like “expression through nature”, “solitude”, “ambition”, “creation”, “injustice”, “balance” and “revenge”... but i think that in some way these all sort of go back to my original point of the line between human and monster/ what it means to be human...

if anyone actually sees/reads this, id love feeback lmao bc i have no clue how to do this project :))

12/09/20

#mary shelly's frankenstein #victor frankenstein #frankenstein analysis #book analysis

[the-angry-pixie]

Just a buttload of questions

I was tagged by the lovely @jessiohhh. Thank you chickadee. Took me forever to finish, but I got there. :D 

Apparently this is to help you get to know your tumblr peeps better. 

Gonna put most of these under a cut to save y’alls dashes.

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or blue pen? I guess if I had to choose it would be black. I don’t know why. A good black ballpoint is a lovely thing to have.

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or city? Depends what stage of my life I am in. I want to retire to the country but otherwise wanna live in the city.

3. If you could learn a new skill what would it be? To sew and make clothes. Gosh how different my life (and my wardrobe) would be if I could fix clothes, alter clothes, MAKE clothes. I want this skill so much!

4. Do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar? Don’t drink coffee. My tea has half a sugar. I worked my way all the way down from two sugars and I’m proud. :)

5. What was your favourite book as a child? My Dad used to read me Enid Blyton books when I was little. My favourite series was probably The Naughtiest Girl in the School series.

6. Do you prefer baths or showers? Definitely showers. I want to like baths, but whenever I take one I just feel sweaty and gross.

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would it be? A fairy. I’ve been obsessed with fairies since I was little.

8. Paper or electronic books? Probably electronic books. Easier to read and travel. 

9. What is your favourite item of clothing? Gosh I don’t know. I literally sat here thinking about it for a couple of minutes and I can’t pick a favourite. I guess by default it falls to the item that I wear the MOST which would be my black combat boots. I wear them almost constantly.

10. Do you like your name or would you like to change it? Nah I tend to think Laura is a bit boring. I like my middle name Eileen though.

11. Who is a mentor to you? I’m kind of without one at the moment. Thats just the situation my current life is in right now. 

12. Would you like to be famous and if so, what for? I would like to be “Author Famous”. Like have soooooo much money, and dedicated fans who like my work. But nobody recognises me in the street. 

13. Are you a restless sleeper? Yes.

14. Do you consider yourself a romantic person? No, not in the conventional sense.

15. Which element best represents you? I wish I was earth but I would say probably water. Can be dangerous or calm. Flexible. 

16. Who do you want to be closer to? Hmmm I feel bad that I’m not closer to my godson. But ya see, he’s an annoying lil shit. At least the stage he’s going through right now is really obnoxious. So spending time with him is just... not fun.

17. Do you miss someone at the moment? All my Canada friends.

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory. I’ve talked about early childhood memories on here a lot. I don’t want to repeat a story so lemme think a moment..... I remember being obsessed with pressing buttons when I was younger. I mean, most kids are. But you see my family lived on a dairy farm, and in the dairy where we milked the cows and stored the milk there was like... a WALL OF BUTTONS. And levers, and switches and other doo-dads. And like... I just wanted to press them all. But I wasn’t allowed. Obviously. Only at certain times during the day would my father call me over and lift me up so I could press one particular button. So yeah, I remember that. “Helping” my Dad in the dairy and being excited whenever I got to press the buttons. I never even got old enough to learn what the buttons did before we moved off our farm. :(

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten? Hmmm, probably escargot. Snails. They were delicious.

20. What are you most thankful for? My newborn nephew.

21. Do you like spicy food? Yes. But spicy food does not like me.

22. Have you ever met someone famous? Yeah last year I was working on a feature film that had a Disney starlet working on it.

23. Do you keep a diary or journal? No way. Too hard. The only time I keep journals is for really important stuff that needs documentation. Like a medical journal when I’m sick. Or an anxiety journal when my GAD gets real bad.

24. Do you prefer to use a pen or a pencil? Pen I guess.

25. What is your star sign? Libra

26. Do you like your cereal soggy or crunchy? Bit of both. If you can get a mouthful with both then thats like... bliss.

27. What would you want your legacy to be? Do I need to want it to be anything? Cause I don’t. Like I don’t really care all that much. Maybe I will later in life.

28. Do you like reading, what was the last book you read? I dont think its accurate to say I like reading when I literally never do it anymore. Except for fanfic. I listen to audiobooks a bit. I just finished listening to The Stand by Stephen King.

29. How do you show someone you love them? Cuddles, I’m a cuddler.

30. Do you like ice in your drinks? Yes.

31. What are you afraid of? Wasted potential and never really getting where I want to get.

32. What is your favourite scent? That smell after a sun shower. Everything is wet and the sun is making it evaporate into the atmosphere. Love that smell.

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname? Not to be cheeky but like, context is a thing. Depends on the context.

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life? Not terribly different. I would still work. I guess I would travel a lot more. Since that is something that I would love to do but can’t because I don’t have the funds.

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? Theyre both the same level of scary to me. Yes, I suffer from an irrational fear of pool sharks. So I guess I would go ocean because at least with the ocean you have the surf waves to make it fun.

36. What would you do if you found £50 on the ground? Look around to see if someone had dropped it, then if there was no one, pocket it.

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Yes. Last time I went camping there was a meteor shower. Wait, do they count as shooting stars? If not then no.

38. What is the one thing you would want to teach your children? Compassion.

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it? I want to get a bunch of babies-breath flowers tattooed in the middle of my back. Its so specific because I plan my tattoos for a long time before I get them.

40. What can you hear now? The fish tank filter at my brothers house.

41. Where do you feel the safest? In my bedroom. In my bed. Laptop and phone and kitty nearby.

42. What is the one thing you want to overcome/conquer? My fear of relationships and emotional intimacy.

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be? I honestly don’t know. There are a lot of cool places (but like, usually only if youre in the upperclass). Ancient Greece maybe? Jane Austen era? Woodstock? I can’t decide.

44. What is your most used emoji? This lil dude. 🙃 I prefer it to the regular smiley face.

45. Describe yourself using one word. eclectic

46. What do you regret the most? Not having my mental health issues diagnosed at an earlier age.

47. Last movie you saw? In the cinemas? A Beautiful Day in the Neighbourhood back in January (actually got my wallet out and looked at my ticket stubs). Just in general - I watched The Florida Project last night with my bro.

48. Last tv show you watched? My Little Pony. Been watching episodes to help me fall asleep.

49. Invent a word and it’s meaning. Derp-a-derp. My bro and I have been saying that over the last few days when we can’t remember the word we are trying to say. Like “go get me the derp-a-derp” or “what was I saying about the derp-a-derp”. Its a good placeholder.

-----

Annnnnd imma taaaaaaag.... like I said, this is a long one so no pressure (it took me like a week to get through all the questions).... anyway I tag @hichie, @thepragmaticrebel, @heavensdick and @serendipitous-magic.

#meme things