#my very very early followers may or may not remember a drawing i did of him in that fit (please do not remember i fucking loathe that piece)

[autoboros]

i remember during the duo challenge i saw your hologram wearing the blanco octophones and penguin bolero (i forgot what shoes you were wearing so i just said RANDOM BULLSHIT GO !!!!) and i decided to draw it :]

have an auto

YESSS DUDE I love it!! He looks so great

The shoes I had were the pearl oisters, since that gear combo is my build for using the Blasters

#fun fact that gear set was actually Auto’s original design when he was first made #blancos penguin bolero + oisters #my very very early followers may or may not remember a drawing i did of him in that fit (please do not remember i fucking loathe that piece) #i might draw him in it again at some point tbh #splatoon 3 #splatoon oc #banger art

[fumifooms]

i know you aren't really into marcille/laios any longer, but since you went looking online for dungeon meshi doujins, did you happen to find any other marcille/laios ones? (funnily enough at the convention i was at a couple weeks back they had like five, but they were extremely over-exaggerated and personally i prefer my fan content relatively in character...)

Ok first of all: Yeah listen laimar doesn’t have a grip on me anymore but I still quite enjoy it! Just more passively… Altho I do have an analysis that focuses a lot on the importance they hold to each other in my early stage wips drafts, and listen in canon I do think they’re queerplatonic flavored, call me an ot3 qpr truther because Laios Marcille and Falin have a something going on and it transcends being put into a box. But hey hey I reblog laimar artworks I bought that recent doujin I put laimar fics in my -checks- 106 pages long to-read list… Also I have like 5 pages of fanfic prompts for them I may or may not get to writing. Though yeah I do feel bad whenever I notice people following after liking all my laimar posts haha

Sadly to get to the meat of the topic, not really… I don’t go to cons for lack of opportunity so whatever I find is through online. The one I got is The Fourth Basement Floor, it has an english ver and seems so so very in character I can’t wait to get it! Otherwise I’ve looked on Otakurepublic & Doujinrepublic since I use their services for merch from Japan, warning if you click on the link, there are 18+ ones and covers can be pretty explicit. I don’t remember any other laimar one except the one nsfw one I think, but on the plus side there are a lot of gen no ships doujins. I’m bothered because looking back I feel like the catalogue of doujins was wider when I looked all those months ago and it feels like I’m forgetting something hmm… I wish I could help more, but yeah 😔 Pixiv has many laimar comics up (in japanese) if that sates the hunger any

As consolation since I’m already here, why not show some of my laimar things laying around gathering dust I’m fond of. Don’t look if you don’t want to be spoiled for fics I may or may not write I guess? All down below is just laimar prompts

I spoke about some various ones and esp my timeline where she gets him into Daltian Clan here. "Laios… I was wondering, because you enjoy fantasy stories right? I was wondering if you’d like to give my favorite book series a go… It has monsters!" I love love love post-canon laimar where he gets the habit of chewing on her hair because he’s stimming and hungry. Like a goat.

Laios goes to Marcille for love advice.  "You like someone?! Do I know them?" She eagerly asked. "Erm… Yes…?" // Post-canon. He’s so nervous and puts his foot in his mouth n lets things slip out that he thought would give him away. (Comic) "You like someone??! What are they like? Who are they?" And he’s like "Well… She’s a half-elf." He’s like shit she’ll probably know right away. And she goes still. "I’ve never met another half-elf!! We’re so rare! You’re saying you met one and didn’t tell me???!" She’s shaking him. And then she goes still again, contempt drawing on her face. "Wait… Are you asking me for advice because I’m a half-elf?" Laios runs with it "Yes!! And because you’re so savvy with romance and what people like…? If, uh, if you were a half-elf, what would you like to get as a gift? What sort of confession would you want?" "… You saved it there. Okay so since I’m so knowledgeable on romance, tell me what is she like?" "-describes Marcille-" She nods, smug yet oblivious. "Aah I can already tell we’d be great friends. Good taste." (then Thinking bubble with him giving her flowers at a restaurant "Did you know roses are edible and used in recipes", candlelit dinner, or wait maybe the most romantic is cooking together alone at home, chocolate! It’s expensive though… Wait I’m king now!)

Lil comic, Laios wakes up snuggled against Marcille’s back then promptly falls off the bed. The noise makes Marcille wake up and she’s like omg are u ok?? Laios is so sweaty and panicked and in denial about her being special to him.  She explains, disgruntled at the memory "Izutsumi is bunking in with Chilchuck again, they’re taking the whole bedrolls." Pause. "Sorry, I should have told you, but you like sleeping with Izutsumi too so I figured…" She looked sheepish. "Between you and Senshi, I much prefer sleeping with you. It feels sort of nostalgic, like a sleepover, no?" He relaxes and gets in the bed again, smiling. "But… We’ve never had a sleepover?" She chuckles "I guess not. I must be getting that impression because of Falin…" And the air between them is warm yet bittersweet now, as she smiles like that and his eyes and smile cloud over. The earlier instinctive reluctance to touch is gone now. She snuggles into his arms and is like "Hug me?" "Okay." And he does, wraps his arms around her and tucks his chin over her head.

Post canon, marcille takes him to a squid restaurant. Cute lighthearted hehe. He sulks "If there are any parasites in this I will ban squid from this kingdom or so help me…"

Short post canon fluff marcille pov about laios gaining weight n becoming chubby. She used to dream of chiseled abs and angular elves, laios in every way, shape and form is so far from the beauty standards she idealized so. And yet… She loves how soft sleeping against him is, how much there’s more of him for her to hug and nuzzle her face in. She loves seeing him and seeing someone strong, who isn’t malnourished or underweight, someone healthy with color in their skin. An healthy appetite. He used to look more like a rectangle, severe and strict, but now he looked rounder, and seeing him smile at her always made her feel like that roundness suited him. She smiled back, and melted thinking about how her boyfriend was the sweetest in the world. ^I still wanna do this one really bad. Sometimes a fic premise comes from nowhere and puts you in a chokehold and you must finish it to obtain catharsis

Short oneshot about laios musing about Marcille’s smile, how important it is to him in subtle ways etc: Ends with Laios being like wait there’s something off (succubus). Then he grabbed her throat. Or smth

Laios seeing her dungeon like "this is so wrong Marcille you can’t run a dungeon for shit" and also "WHAT ARE THESE HORRORS OF MONSTERS NOO THEY CAN’T BE EFFECTIVE LIKE THAT"

Dinner for two: Very warm. Marcille and Laios are meeting up and cooking a dinner just for them both, no one else is there. They’re being so domestic and it’s light. Laios pauses at some point, doing the dishes, saying… I’ve always worried, thinking doing things like these would remind me of my parents.

Laios doesn’t know what to do when he realizes he actually *likes* likes Marcille, so he avoids her. Everyone notices and is disapproving of him.

Her mana acts up and she shares her dream with someone, kinda like with Izutsumi. Listen the premise could be smutty but I think it’d be more fun if they just hanged out n were silly, like the nightmares chapter without the nightmare

Laimar pining but from the view of Chilchuck, his love hatred sensing a storm brewing. The giggling, the looks. Ugh! It reminded him of himself and his wife when they were young and newly dating.

I love Laios and Izu being worsties so. Laios sees izutsumi rubbing her scent on marcille’s clothes and gets possessive. Maybe Golden Kingdom maybe something else I have no clue but Laios being ridiculous and cheek rubbing or something <3

I might want to do an AU where Laios gets into werebeast ring fighting, before canon and the split happens after he deserts the military. So he’s alone, has nothing going for him and stumbles into that sphere and gets werebeast tattoos done. It doesn’t make him happier at all and fighting sucks actually, but it brings money and he likes being a beast and being cheered by a crowd aka illusion of being liked, and money brings food and eating is the privilege of the living etc etc. So then when he goes to check on Falin at the academy it’s a big AU where he has a whole other reputation and look to him, and when he meets izutsumi their relationship is different and aaaaaa… He’s freeer in this au, lets himself be animalistic and weird, even though ofc the arc is him letting himself be more human as well and connecting with humans, through talking and infodumping n shit. Oh I went off but the laimar is because it’s inspired by cool laimar art here (warning tho it’s an art dump with toudencest also 😔) but werewolf Laios laimar AUs… A lotta fun stuff there idk idk

#Laimar #ask #Ppl can send me laimar asks tbh idk when i’d get to them but i do still love them #Not all that much left i wanna explore analysis or post wise with them though #Laios touden #marcille donato #Fanfic wips #Dungeon meshi #Spoilers #dungeon meshi manga spoilers

[alternativeminiatures]

Ok, let's talk about Lost In Space.

In the early 2000's there wasn't as much 40k fanfiction as today, you had Turn Signals on a Land Raider, and... I really can't remember. But I do remember Lost In Space!

This is probably one of my favorite 40k comics, even if it only has around 50 strips and never was completed. Sadly the website was nuked on january 2006, and nowadays, it's a bit hard to find all its published content. But hey, guess what? I'm a data hoarder, and found almost all the comic on my external hard drive, and the four strips I didn't have, I found them on a russian website, in russian, but @varanguard did me the favour of translating them back to english.

So, what now? I think I'm going to put it here with tags, so people can find it; lost media is something we should take more seriously, books, videogames, series, music, etc... all human creation should have a place.

What happened to the website? I asked a friend if he remembers and he told me back then James was throwing a fit about copyright, and closed many fan content websites, so yeah, it could be the answer.

And what about the author? Ok, this is a complex subject. Technically, the last we know about the author is a post on DeviantArt where they talks about getting a copy of all the strips and wanting to publish them there, they started on september 2006, and the last one is from october 2006, there are only 11 strips, I think I have near 80 between LiS, Meanwhile and Grail Quest.

Soooo... I still wanted to know if it was ok to put the comic here, and you see, I am a very good internet sleuth, very good, so good that from a complete stranger putting funny drawings on the internets 20 years ago, now I may know their complete name, where they live, where they work, I got 4 different emails and their work telephone number*. And at this point I realized I had jumped head first without parachute into creepy territory (I blame my autism, when you focus onto something it's hard to know when to stop).

And now, contacting the author with the information I got that they didn't put out there to be contacted, to talk about something they haven't talked about for almost 20 years, feels disturbing, like crossing 30km of red lines and boundaries, and way worse than putting the comic out there without their permission.

I think I'm going to follow the spirit of their last post and share the comic, but if somebody has any idea, comment or observation, please, let me know.

*be vigilant about your internet privacy and what you put out there!! I'm just a basic nerd and was able to get all that information with just google! All the people telling you to be careful are not paranoid, they know how easy is to find information about somebody!

#warhammer #warhammer 40k #warhammer 40000 #lost in space 40k #lost media #space marines #sisters of battle #imperial guard

[souryogurt64]

that was SUCH a nail in the coffin analysis ive always felt weird abt how mcr and their fans have been operating ever since they came back and u put it into words 😭 like i genuinely think mcr is still effectively broken up and only came back bc they missed a) each other/performing occasionally kinda and b) MONEYYYY because a full tour and multiple makeup palette launches with no album out after like four years is insane! (i get that the pandemic mightve shifted their schedule maybe but lets be real) and i think mcr fans are subconsciously hurt by this and somehow the revisionist history of mcr being freedom fighter genderqueer activists that threw the first brick at warped tour makes them feel better about it?? like "oh this band has values so surely they wouldnt come back from a breakup JUST to take my money"

I actually think that back in 2018-2019 the band originally intended to record and release an album and then were not able to follow through. I think COVID probably affected people’s mental health or drawing out the creative process for several years more than originally planned led to the same tensions that resulted in the band breaking up coming back to the surface. 

The earliest MCR reunion leak was actually in Spring of 2018 by SWMRS (lol) and had probably been going on for a long time prior to that. They have had plenty of time to record an album, they either just can’t or don’t want to. 

The initial reunion announcement had a lot of really stylized and specific imagery that was new and not nostalgia bait at all. It also felt very extra for just a tour. I don’t religiously pay attention to MCR but they have been doing a lot of stuff to try and keep the album hype going as we head into 2024, like flashing a 5 symbol at shows. I feel like that type of thing was more prevalent early on, but it’s been 4 1/2 years (!!!) so it’s hard to remember. 

Also, I joined bandom in Feb-March of 2013 and all throughout the hiatus through reunion leaks in 2018 (so 5 years), MCR were constantly doing things. They each had solo projects (Frank several) and Gerard was doing comics and a TV show. Plus, the band released CW, several demos, and merch. 

Over the last 4-5 years, they have basically had one tour and that was it. What have they been doing this entire time? Nothing? 

Also, an album that was significantly delayed or didn’t pan out would explain Frank’s garage sale fiasco. The FOB reunion was originally prompted by a blog post from Patrick complaining about how he had blown his savings on Soul Punk and it failed— so if Frank had invested personally in LS Dunes banking on a MCR album, that might explain why he needed to auction off sweatbands as well as the band getting snippy on socials about how they can’t “afford” to film a video. 

And like, no, nobody is “owed” a MCR reunion or MCR album or “owed” closure and if they want to fuck off and drink virgin Pina Coladas in Tijuana for the rest of eternity and play WWWY and Riot once every 4 years or something they can 

But stringing fans along with “cryptic messages” for 5 years and not making any kind of acknowledgement in the press is weird and like you said, I think explains a lot of the obnoxious holier-than-thou behavior from the fandom. During the time MCR have been “back,” FOB, Avril Lavigne, Blink, and probably other people have gone from varying degrees of hiatus to being well into full touring and promotional cycles for new material which has also made MCR less and less special. Those acts didn’t set outrageously high and dramatic expectations beforehand like MCR did either. 

I also really don’t intend to be disrespectful or make assumptions but I think Gerard especially has a long history with drug/alcohol issues in relation to performing and doing touring before the album was even recorded may have led them to delay stuff to (at best) prevent any issues arising. 

And like maybe their bodyguard is telling the truth and there will still be an album. But planning a reunion starting in 2017 at the absolute latest, recording and releasing a single in 2019+playing reunion shows, and not releasing the album until 2024 at the earliest is not really a normal schedule and at best is indicative that they ran into issues along the way. 

[farmerlarrry]

Orange Slices (Joel Miller x f!reader)

masterlist | chapter twelve | chapter eleven | read on ao3 | playlist

story summary: A story about finding companionship and love in the midst of chaos.

a/n: I read a few books and remembered how to write again :) Sorry for being gone for so long. I will be doing a huge revise of the whole story, just because I had planned on doing that all along… and of course I kept putting it off and before I knew it I was almost 15 chapters in, so between the time of posting this updated and chapter 14 and writing chapter 15, just keep in mind that I did not go MIA again, I am working on updates. I'm going to try to get chapter 14 up tomorrow!

**I wrote this at work so if there’s typos, I’m sorry. I tried my best to catch as many I could and I get so eager to post**

word count: 9005

if you want to be notified when I post new chapters, follow @farmerlarrrylibrary and put on notifications! If you'd rather be tagged, just let me know.

Chapter Thirteen

Fuck, fu–ck, you incoherently hear. The distant sound of someone’s voice draws you out of your state of sleep. Your eyes gently flutter open, eyelashes brushing up against your under eyes as you take a deep breath in and tensing your body up as a way to somewhat stretch your limbs due to the limited space offered by the couch. Must’ve been a part of a dream, you think as the silence makes your ears ring, your eyes darting around at different spots on the ceiling.

A fleeting feeling of intense nausea comes over you, as it does most mornings after you drink. You let a small moan escape past your lips as you run your hand over your stomach; you hate the feeling that you’re about to vomit more than anything. Rolling over onto your side, you nuzzle your face against the back cushion and pull the thick woven blanket further up your body to bask in the remaining warmth. The cold weather arrived early this year, leaving you shivering throughout the nights. 

The longer you stay cuddled into the cushions of the couch, the comfier and more relaxed you become, your limbs now feeling like puddles of liquid.  I’ll get up in a few minutes, you think to yourself, allowing your eyes to become heavy, not fighting your tiredness any longer. The swirling colors that the dim lighting of the room curated behind your eyelids begin to hypnotize you back to sleep.

That is until a loud thud comes from somewhere inside your house, causing you to shoot up from your lying position, still clutching on tightly to the blanket. Panic washes over you and your heart is beating faster than it has in a long time. You have your eyes locked on the staircase, straining your hearing for any indication where the noise may have come from.

God damnit, the quiet but gruff voice of a man causes you to quickly turn around toward the kitchen, more muttering follows, but you can’t quite make out what they’re saying. Just as you begin to take a small step forward, Joel pops up from behind the counter, tossing the paper bag filled with coffee grounds on the surface. He is very visibly frustrated, letting out a soft sigh. You find yourself to be somewhat confused, shifting your eyes just past him; the cabinet door is slightly ajar and two mugs sit side by side on the counter. 

As his head comes past the edge of the counter, the two of you immediately lock eyes, widening at your presence as if he were surprised. You’re in my house, you think. You toss the blanket onto the couch, only breaking eye contact for a few short moments. Joel’s mouth opens slightly, however nothing comes out. 

“You scared me,” You say quietly, yet relieved. Your heart still feels as if it were beating outside of your chest. 

“Shit, sorry,” His words came out as mumbled, resting his palms flat against the edge of the countertop and leaning his weight into his hands. He looks down for a moment, letting out a breath of air as you come around the back of the couch, situating yourself across from him. “I was tryin’ not to wake you.” 

Joel appears to be slightly embarrassed by the current situation, his cheeks very subtly stained pink and he’s rubbing his thumb over the laminate countertop. As the two of you continue to stand there, you can’t help but feel confused; confused as to why he’s in your house, not that you’re upset by the fact– just confused. Although, who knows what you potentially said to him, after James left, the last thing you remember is finishing off the bottle of alcohol while Joel quietly sat at the table across from you, babying the small glass he ended up pouring himself. You cringe at the thought.

“When did you become so… domesticated,” You say dryly, meaning it as a joke, jutting your chin towards the mugs, going up on your tiptoes to see the coffee ground that laid messily in a pile in the ground. It was hard imagining Joel as anyone other than who he’s shown you; a man who will kill to survive– do anything to survive– not someone who brews coffee in the morning for himself and his… whatever. 

Joel follows your gesture, bringing his hand up to his chin, rubbing it gently with his thumb and forefinger. You cock your head waiting for his response. Although you intended it as a joke, you were still curious. This wasn’t typical Joel, not the one you knew, or at least not the one you thought you knew. 

“Was tryin’ to make some coffee before we head out, but I hit my head on the cabinet door and dropped the grounds,” He followed up, gesturing first to the cabinet and then to the loose coffee grounds that were still scattered on the ground.  Joel drew some air before continuing. “I changed your kitchen light by the way, the one that kept flickerin’, nearly gave me a damn headache last night.”

“Last night?” You furrow your brows, the mention of it brings you a sense of impending doom, your stomach twisting up in knots. Closing your eyes, you let out a huff of air. “Right, last night.” 

Your voice sounds muffled. 

With your eyes closed, all you can see is tJames’ face and the way it changed from his sweet smile to a look of utter dismay. You feel guilty for lying to him and you thought that by drinking you could drown out that guilt, but now it’s the next day, you feel even guiltier and you feel like shit. This time, you’ve dug yourself into a hole you weren’t quite sure how you were going to get yourself out of. What do you even tell James? Sorry, the sudden return of a man who, for some reason, I cannot get off my mind and makes my heart flutter like it never has before, caught me off guard so for the time being I’m just going to tell you to fuck off. Please just give me some time and space while I figure things out. No, absolutely not. If it had been anyone else besides James, maybe. 

“Take these,” Joel breaks you out of your thoughts. He’s sliding two pills across the counter and then fills a glass up with water from the sink. “Maybe a shower will help too, you were pretty messed up when I left last night.” 

You let out a small hum, picking up the pills from the counter and throwing your head back, swallowing them at once. Joel continues to watch you carefully, running his eyes all over you. You raise your eyebrows at him, which seems to snap him out of some sort of daze. He clears his throat, turning to the now boiling percolator.

“I got our assignment today,” Joel says. The realization he is returning to patrol makes you happy, something you had been secretly hoping would be the case.

“The hunting sheds,” the two of you say in unison. Joel gives you a single nod, pursing his lips. You simply stare back at him.

The hunting shed was one of your least favorite assignments. It’s fairly easy other than the fact you’re out all day, climbing up and down steep hills. It’s more so tiring than hard, but it’s something that obviously must be done to keep the security of Jackson up to par.

“Yeah, hope you’re ready for a full day of fun,” His tone is sarcastic. You can tell he is definitely not looking forward to it either. 

You give him a very obvious fake smile, letting your palms drag along the counter as you turn to head for the stairs, desperately hoping this shower will be your saving grace from how horrible you feel. 

–

You take the steps downward slowly as you dry your hair with the already damp towel, only stopping for a brief moment on the bottom step when you see Joel sitting at the table. He has one of his ankles propped up on the other leg’s knee, a mug in one hand and the other is holding up one of the old newspapers you always leave on the table. He seems to be engulfed in whatever he’s reading, his eyebrows furrowing as his eyes dart across the page, reading it line by line. The massive stack of newspapers that were once neatly stacked on one end of the table are now messily strewn about.

Quietly, you come up from behind him, glancing down at the paper and running your eyes along the bolded article titles. This one you know particularly well after the many rereads you’ve done. September 13, 2003; Community Development Plan Completed, building is to start November of this year!; Jackson Men To Complete 2,350 Mile Kayak Trip, 2,050 Miles down with 300 Miles to go! A part of you wondered if they ever did complete their trip, and did they come back into town to the infected, or how exactly that all went down. 

As you pass Joel, your elbow grazes his bicep, causing him to jump, likely startled by your sudden presence; neither of you say anything. The chair he’s sitting quietly squeaks as he shifts his weight, while you make a beeline directly for the stove. As you reach for the mug Joel set out for you, he clears his throat, causing you to glance at him over your shoulder. 

You let out a small hm, prompting him to spill whatever is currently on his mind before turning back around.

“You read these often?” he says, the paper crinkling as he folds it back up.

“Most mornings… gives me something to do,” you respond dryly as you slowly fill your mug, stream rolling off the top and the moist warmth hitting the bottom side of your chin. 

“Seems like a lifetime ago.” He says in a small voice. The statement is so simple, yet seems loaded. 

“No kidding.” You say softly, you’re not even sure if he heard you. 

You turn around to face him with your mug in hand, giving him a tired look while you run your fingers across the tattered edge of the countertop with your free hand. There is no denying that you feel like shit. The shower didn’t help and you are almost positive the coffee isn’t going to do anything either. Your exhaustion must be obvious because Joel is looking at you sympathetically, carefully watching you as you stand leaning against the edge of the countertop. Taking a sip of your coffee, you look at him through the rim of your mug, the two of you meet each other's eyes. Joel quickly looks away, sitting up straighter in his chair and setting the newspaper down on the table. He lets out a deep sigh, using the wooden surface to push himself upright. 

“I’m gonna go get the horses ready to go,” He says while walking over to the sink and setting his empty upside down, then pulling a thermos out from the side of his bag. “Meet me at the stables in 15 or so… will that be enough time for you?” 

You nod your head, pulling your lip in between your teeth as he turns and walks toward you. 

Placing his hand just above one of your hips, you take a few steps to the side, to which he steps where you were once standing. The feeling on his fingertips against your side makes your stomach jump and you have to fight against your instinct to shiver. He fills his thermos with coffee, you staring at him, watching his face. He glances at you, you can see his throat bob as he prevents the percolator from dripping down the side of his container. The air is still. Your eyes dart down to his bottom lip which he is toying at with his teeth. Your heart begins to thump loudly in your ears, he’s making it hard not to imagine what it’d be like to be the one toying with it for him.

“I’ll see you in a few,” he says awkwardly, and you give him a shy nod.

The moment Joel leaves, you can feel your body relax, letting out a small huff of air. You mindlessly gather different supplies, making sure you have a lunch packed. As you’re doing so, you let your mind wander, how you were going to handle things with James, now that Joel is back. It feels wrong to continue things with James, especially when he’s not who you want– he was never who you wanted. 

Whether Joel feels the same way, doesn’t factor into your decision. 

–

The air is quite a bit chillier than you expected. This year the cold weather has come early, something that sort of threw the community for a loop. The town square is always already filled with people by 6am due to the increased workload in the gardens, making sure everything can be harvested before the cold gets to it. Today was no different, you could hear the bustling of the townspeople the moment you took a step out from your house. The murmurs make your ears buzz. 

You’re messing with the floppy straps of your backpack that always find a way to twist, not quite paying attention as you come out of the side pathway that separates your part of the community and the townsquare. When you finally look up, you immediately notice James and Joel and they are very obviously arguing. People start to slow down as they pass by them, confused as to what could possibly be going on between the two men. You are wondering the same. Did James say something to Joel? Would Joel really be that upset about something like that? You think, slowing your pace. You can feel your eyebrows draw together, your teeth clenching down hard. 

As people pass by, leaving an opening for you to look through, you then notice Nessa standing a few feet behind James as well as Tommy engaged in what seems to be a pretty intense conversation based on his active nodding and hardened facial expression with Maria. You feel your heart sink into your stomach. Continuing your slow pace, you observe the loosely formed group.

Nessa and you catch eyes, a fire is burning behind her eyes, before walking over to Tommy, tapping his shoulder, and gesturing in your direction. In unison, the four all stop their conversations, turning to look at you. They each hold a different facial expression. Joel appears to be heavily annoyed but his look softens when the two of you make eye contact, James looks nervous and mildly perturbed, Tommy’s usually cheery expression has been exchanged for an outright stressed one, and Maria looks concerned yet confident as always. The range of emotions make your stomach churn. 

As soon as you and Tommy make eye contact, he lurches forward, quickly approaching you with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his worn jeans. You stop in your tracks, hoping he can give you the run down of exactly what the fuck is going on. 

“You’ve been doin’ your patrol alone?” He doesn’t waste time asking, his voice is hushed not wanting the other around to hear. He places his hands on your shoulder and blocks you out of the view of the others. His usual kind, soft eyes are now intense and dark. 

Fuck, you think to yourself, parting your lips ever so slightly, not quite sure what to say. You kept Tommy in the dark about this, not wanting him to worry and honestly, it was better if he didn’t know. You explicitly lied when he would ask you about patrol or when you’d tell him peculiar stories about the events that happened out on patro, usually pulling someone’s name out of thin air whoever was your partner for that day. 

“James came to Maria this mornin’ with some concerns about you,” Tommy adds, anticipating your response, desperately hoping that James’ accusations aren’t the truth, or at least not the whole truth. His expression is pleading, darting from one part of your face to another.

As soon as James’ name rolls past Tommy’s lips, you dart your eyes over to him, who quickly tips his head down toward the ground, completely avoiding you. You can feel your face feel with heat which only makes the throbbing in your head to worsen, and chaos begins to brew in your chest. Fucking James. 

“Tommy,” you say, sounding outright guilty and round your posture. Sweat begins to pool in your palms, soaking into the strap of your bag that you were still tightly holding onto. He lets out a disappointed sigh, shifting his eyes past you. 

“Jesus Christ,” He says breathily, slightly shaking his head. He begins to knead his fingertips into your shoulder blade, taking a moment longer to think. You stare at him blankly. “Okay… we’ll figure this out, just tell Maria the truth, I’ll see what I can do after that… but she is not going to like hearing this.” 

“Yeah,” you say quietly in defeat, looking down at your feet before looking back up at Tommy. “I’m sorry Tommy.” 

When he finally looks back at you, he gives you a pitiful smile, one that quickly fades. Sliding his hand back between your shoulder blades, he guides you over to the rest of the ground. Nessa is still giving you a deathly stare, which annoys you because a few days ago the two of you were fine, you were laughing together over some old memory from your time as school girls. What changed so suddenly? 

You can see her mouth move, saying something just quiet enough to where you couldn't hear her with you still being a few yards away. Joel’s face twists up, twisting his upper body toward her. Don’t fucking say that, his voice is unmistakable, and so is the harsh intent behind his words. She’s very clearly biting her tongue, fighting the urge to shoot something back at him, but before she can make the decision to respond, Joel turns away from her, chewing on his bottom lip. You can see the anger boiling inside her as she sticks her tongue in her cheek, shaking her head. 

As you come up to the group, she scoffs, storming off into the opposite direction. 

“What’s going on,” you ask. Your body is facing Maria, but you keep your eyes fixated on James who still won’t look at you. 

“James’ had some… concerns regarding your patrols, would you be able to talk in my office? Me, you, Tommy?” Maria responds cooly, her tone seems hesitant yet confident. You’re sure this must be an awkward thing to do, the whole he said, she said situation. You force yourself to swallow against the lump of anger in your throat. 

“Of course,” The annoyance you feel hangs heavy onto your words as they come out of your mouth.

You glance between James over to Joel and you begin to follow Tommy and Maria. His eyes are intense and you notice the quick rise and fall of his chest. 

“I’m coming too,” Joel’s voice is loud as he tightens his grip around the bottom of his pack straps, taking a step forward towards you. A few community members who remained to watch, exchanged looks between each other.

Maria lets out a heavy sigh before turning around. 

“If he’s going, then I am too,” James quickly adds. You know he doesn’t actually want to be there, but if Joel is going then he must too. You roll your eyes. 

“Neither of you will be joining us,” She says firmly. “James, you already told us your concerns, I will speak to her, get her side of things and then I will handle it from there. And Joel… you haven’t been here, so I’m not quite sure why you are concerning yourself with things that you would have no idea about.” 

You slowly shift your attention from Maria over to Joel, who is clenching his jaw. He’s looking at Tommy who refuses to look back, kicking at the dirt and rocks with his hands back in his pockets. When Joel realizes he won’t be getting a response, he quickly turns on his heel, giving you an emotionless look, and heading towards the entrance of the community. James is quick to follow, tailing closely behind Joel. 

“C’mon,” Tommy juts his chin in the direction of the main building, reaching his arm out towards you.

–

It’s been a while since you’ve last been here. Everything remains the same, even the old dried flowers that still sit on the table between the two chairs in the center of the room. The morning glow illuminates the room with a warm glow, however the air is chilly. You have your palms resting on the rounded ends of the arms of the chair, slowly rubbing the back and forth. Maria and Tommy are standing in front of you; Maria is upright, her hands clasped together in front of her while Tommy is leaning against the edge of the desk with his arms crossed and shoulder slightly slouched. Even though you know both of them quite well at this point, it doesn’t stop you from feeling inferior, especially in the given situation. 

“So, what’d he say,” You impatiently ask, your tone portraying your emotions very clearly. You already knew, but you wanted to know exactly what he told Maria. 

Maria glances over to Tommy who returns with an awkward smile, unfolding his arms and pointing at himself. She gives him a single nod before he pushes himself upright, clearing his throat. 

“Well, he came to Maria this morning, while we were talkin’,” He starts, “said he’s concerned– you haven’t been following the protocol or proper guard etiquette…”

He trails off, looking at Maria through his peripheral view who is waiting for him to continue. Her eyes are focused solely on him as if she were urging him to go on, silently supporting him through this tough conversation. 

“He said something about you goin’ out, doing patrol by yourself,” Tommy finally finishes, a wheeze of air escaping past his lips before continuing, “‘n that he was concerned for your safety.” 

You let out an amused scoff, shifting your weight in the chair. Concerned with my safety, his excuse was laughable. You knew exactly why he was doing this and it wasn’t his concern.

“I didn’t call in yesterday, I’ll admit to that, because I get it… it’s my responsibility to do that, and it slipped my mind,” you say, your throat burning as you speak. “But he’s known what I've been doing for months.” 

Maria purses her lips and nods, walking over to the chair next to you and taking a seat. You turn your body towards her, waiting for her to say something. 

“And that’s concerning for me, knowing that I've put him in charge and he’s allowing that,” she simply says. It was hard to read her calm demeanor, something that made you feel anxious. 

You look at Tommy through your peripheral vision, he appears to be somewhat confused, staring at Maria. 

“He also said you’ve been staying out late, sometimes the entire day,” she continues.

You can feel your nose twitch at the mention of you staying out past your patrol, you force yourself to slightly smile, although you know nothing will cover up your initial reaction. Your breathing becomes shallow. You’re completely done for. There’s nothing Tommy can do that will save you from being taken off patrol. You knew the chances, but you never thought James would be the reason you were caught. Your brain is racing with thoughts, trying to come up with something in response that may cover your ass. 

Maria cocks her head and raises her eyebrows slightly, encouraging you to say something. Your mouth has gone dry. Time’s up, you think, letting out a small shaky breath. 

“There’s an outlook I go to somedays– well, actually, most days,” Your voice is small. “I go there after I’m done with patrol, after I call in, and I just… think, I don’t know, I just do whatever.” 

A feeling of embarrassment comes over you as you admit to your whereabouts. Telling them about the outlook feels shameful, and not for the reason that you aren’t supposed to be doing stuff like that. Them now being aware of a place that you connected with Joel through in absence made you feel sick, even if they don’t know that’s the reason why you went.

Tommy and Maria exchange looks again, this time her eyes softening. 

“I know I’m not supposed to be doing that, I know it’s dangerous going out by myself, I just…” You say with your head hanging low. “When I’m out there, it’s the only time I feel like myself.”

Mmm, Maria quietly hums. 

“About what happened at the dam–” She starts to say.

“Maria…” You abruptly cut her off, something you normally wouldn’t do, but you couldn’t listen any longer.“I don’t know what James told you, but I do my job. I do it exactly how I was taught and doing it by myself does not change that. I promise you I did not see anything out of the ordinary yesterday, otherwise I would have reported it the moment  I saw it.” 

You stare intensely into Maria’s eyes as you speak. It was the truth. You were good at what you did, whether you were alone or with someone else. Always being ready to go, ready to defend, ready to fight, to give your life if need be– it was all you knew in this new world, and you were good at it. You hadn’t made it this far on pure luck, anyone with a brain would know that. A one time mistake does not make that statement untrue and James all of a sudden coming forward with his concerns also does not make that untrue. 

You can feel the anger creep its way up your throat as you think of James’ pettiness, how all of this was because Joel was at your house last night. Sure, you can agree that lying to James about having plans was wrong, but it didn’t make it right that he did this in response. How childish, you think.

The sound of Tommy clearing his throat pulls you out of your deep state of thought. Both you and Maria shift your attention to him. 

“Maria, if you don’t mind, I was just thinkin’... with Joel being back,” Tommy says with a slight hesitation. He knew he shouldn’t be making any sort of suggestions without discussing with her first, but then again he promised he’d do everything he could to keep you out of trouble. This is him risking that to keep his promise to you. “There’s really no reason to punish her, ‘specially if James was the one allowing this, she took it as permission– him knowing, ya know… at least that’s what I assume. Her and Joel can just continue patrol together, then we take the rest up with James.” 

You can feel yourself exhale in relief at his suggestion, a part of you slightly surprised by him throwing James under the bus. Regardless of Maria’s decision, you were grateful for Tommy having your back, proof that the two of you really are as close as you thought. The two of you carefully watch Maria as she contemplates his suggestion, her eyes glaze over as she thinks.

She gives a slight nod to Tommy, who glances over to you, giving you a short lived smile before you turn your attention back to Maria. 

“You and Joel, never just you and never just Joel, is that clear?” She says, giving you a serious look. “Make sure you call in after every patrol, I do not want to hear any of this it slipped my mind nonsense again.” 

“Yes ma’am,” You respond affirmingly, sitting up straighter in the chair. “I promise.” 

“And you’ll be sure to pass that onto Joel?” Maria directs to Tommy as she rises from her sitting position.

“Yes, of course,” He says.

–

Tommy stayed back to have a few more words with Maria, telling you that he would be just behind you to talk to Joel. Don’t let him leave without talking to me first, he requested. You’re moving your legs as fast and they will allow you to move them, knowing your already long day has become even longer due to heading out so late now. On top of that, the animosity you now felt did not help with your headache and queasy stomach.

With the stables now in view, you see James standing out front by the wooden gate with Nora and a couple of the other guards. He’s using one of his arms to prop himself up as he leans against one of the wooden posts. Since you saw him earlier this morning, he’s had a complete mood shift; he’s laughing, his cheeks rosy with glee, his eyes soften as he jokes around with the others, lighting hitting the back on his hand against one of the men standing to his side. Seeing him like this, thinking he succeeded in his plan to get you in trouble, makes your heart skip a beat, a feeling of rage quickly taking over your rational thought. You begin to charge toward him, taking bigger and longer strides. 

The moment he sees you, the blood drains from his face as if he has just seen a ghost. His jaw tenses up. Perfect, you think. The closer you got to him, the more you struggled to keep the newfound deep hatred for him from exploding out of you..

“What?” You yell out to him, charging straight for him with blurred tunnel vision. “You surprised to see me?” 

Typically, you are not the confrontational type, but James crossed the line by going to Maria; putting the one thing you had that kept you sane on the line. Your anger hit a boiling point seeing him act as if nothing had happened and you didn’t care who heard what or who would be caught in the crossfire of it all. 

“Get ready to head out, I’ll be right behind you guys,” He quickly says. Nora and the others give you a conflicting look almost as if they were confused by your brashness towards James.

“Oh, that won’t be necessary,” You say to them, shifting your attention onto James when you are finished. There’s a bite in your tone that has made everyone in hearing distance stop in their tracks. “I didn’t get taken off of patrol duty like he wanted.” 

James’ face drops at your announcement, his face twisting up. He’s shocked– shocked that his plan did not work. Seeing him like this was priceless, though the only thing you wanted to do was shove that confused and wide eyed face of his into the horse manure that was scattered around the stable grounds.

“You didn’t?” He says quietly, staring at you with furrowed brows. You couldn’t miss the surprise in his tone. 

Your anger cools for a second and you take a step in closer, crossing your arms and looking up at him through your browline darkly.

“What the fuck was that about?” your words come out shakily as you try to act calm and collected. Your breath feels like it's coming out in flames. This was just meant for him to hear, you hushened your tone so no one, not even the shadows of his companions, could hear.

“I was concerned,” His tone is monotonous, not breaking eye contact with you. His chest was heaving at this point as he struggled to control it. 

“Bullshit, James,” You practically hiss through your teeth. “You’re telling me this has nothing to do with Joel last night?” 

His eye twitches at the mention of him showing up at your house. You can see his throat bob as he struggles to remain apparently unaffected. 

“You lied to me,” he says slowly. “Lied about you and Nessa, lied about you and–” 

“What’s goin’ on?” Joel calls out, coming out of the stable with Callus in hand. He gives you a look of concern before handing off the horses’ lead to one of the stable workers. James scoffs, gesturing towards Joel with one of his hands, giving you a sarcastic smile. His eyebrows are raised halfway up his forehead to tell you that he didn’t even need to say exactly who he was referring to.

Just as you open your mouth to speak, you feel someone rest their hands on your shoulders, lightly squeezing them, almost an nonverbal way of telling you to stand down. It’s Tommy, and he’s shaking his head, urging everyone to drop this. You chew on the inner flesh of your bottom lip, contemplating your choices. Narrowing your eyes, you take one step forward, Tommy’s hands now slipping away from you.

“Fuck you,” You whisper to James as you brush up past him, your shoulder firmly knocking into his. One of the stable workers opens the gate for you, giving you a firm nod as you pass by. 

“Yeah? Fuck me?” he responds, now raising his voice in a way you’ve never heard from him before. “After everything I’ve done for you, for being there for you– now he’s back you’re just going to pretend we–” 

Just as you begin to turn on your heel, Tommy cuts in and takes complete control over the situation.

“Hey,” Tommy shouts in a stern tone, cutting James off before he can finish. “Drop it, now. Maria would like to speak to you, tell your friends to go to the North tower, see if they need any help there today.” 

James looks dumbfounded by Tommy, almost offended by him obviously choosing sides. He remains standing at the post for a moment longer, staring at the ground with his hands kneading at his hips, before turning to face his friends. You could hear the unmistakable sound of his voice, unable to make out what he was saying to them with the distance you created. 

You watch as Nora starts walking back towards the main part of the community while the rest aren’t shy to hide their dirty looks from you. Initially, you didn’t care that much, not entirely bothered by their hateful stares, but it still somewhat hurt deep down inside of you. As angry as you were at James, it hurt you that this was how he thought to get back at you; how intental the damage that would have been caused if it hadn’t been for Tommy. Not being able to take the group’s lingering looks any longer, you drop your head to stare at the ground anticipating their departure.

“By the way, Charles has been wondering where you’ve been– Dot and Henry too,” James calls out from the other side of the gate. Now he’s the one who doesn’t care about who overhears. “Never quite sure what to tell them.” 

“James,” Joel growls. 

James head shoots in his direction, his reaction directly influencing Joel to take large strides over to the where James stood, the only thing separating the two is the rotting wooden fencing,  something that could easily be bypassed. Tommy immediately comes between the two serving as another barrier, placing his hand on James’ chest. James swipes at Tommy’s arm. 

“I’m leaving, damn,” He says quietly, giving a deathly glare as Joel and then you. 

Callus nudges at one of your shoulders from behind causing you to turn, James’ look burned into your mind. You’re doing everything you can to stop your lip from quivering, running your hand down the smooth snout of the horse which has come to comfort you. Joel returns from the fence, quickly fixing your twisted strap on your backpack. You can feel him staring at you from your side, but you keep your eyes forward, avoiding his gaze– afraid of what might come out of you if you were to look at him. Last thing I need is for everyone, especially him to see me cry, you soothe yourself, desperately holding onto what's left of your ego.

Tommy has now joined the two of you by the entrance of the main stable building, forcing you to face the two men now. Joel takes a step closer to you, your arms brushing  up against each other. 

“You know this already,” He says to you before fixing his eyes on Joel. “You two stay together, no one does patrol alone… I mean that, Joel.” 

Tommy glares at him until Joel acknowledges what he says. Joel gives a simple, single nod which causes Tommy to finally release a long breath of air, his chest very visibly falling. 

“Okay,” He says in relief, returning back to his normal self. “We’re still doing dinner tonight right?” 

Mhm, Joel hums along with a nod, his hands are stuffed deep in his pockets. 

“I’ll meet you there, ‘round 7,” Tommy replies. “Be safe.”

He gives your arm a reassuring squeeze before exiting through the stable’s fence gate and returning to the main part of town. Joel and you are left standing there for a moment. You aren’t quite sure what to say and by Joel’s expression he isn’t quite sure either. 

“Everything okay?” Joel is the first to speak, his tone somewhat dry. 

Is everything okay? You mock him in your own thoughts. You want to roll your eyes, instead opting for a blake stare. You pass him, heading into the stables to start helping the others where were in the process of readying Lucky. 

– 

Without exchanging any deciding words, you took the lead for today’s assignment. As per usual, leaving the horses at the old worn down barn that was treated as a halfway point between the community and the treeline that led to the dense forested area. The anger from the events of this morning clung onto you fiercely and no matter how much you tried to push it away, it clung on tighter. 

Joel was caught in the crossfire of these events. You weren’t mad at him, but that didn’t stop you from taking it out on him no matter how badly you didn’t want to. Between leaving the front gates to now, Joel tried to talk to you, tried making conversation. You're going to be warm enough with just that, he asked, gesturing to your hoodie tied around your waist. All you could get yourself to do in response was shrug your shoulders, not caring enough to even give him a second look. 

“I came over last night to talk to you about somethin’” Joel says, the words coming out weak through his tired breathing. Initially his words piqued an interest with you, but that faded just as quick as it came. “But-uh, didn’t seem like the right time once I was there.”

“And right now is?” You responded just as breathily. The never ending steep hill seems to have taken a toll on you– both of you.

“I’d rather get it over with, good time as any, I suppose,” he says, pausing as if he were waiting for you to give him the go ahead to continue. You felt like you had already given him your answer, letting him decide whether he wanted to go on or not. He cleared his throat before speaking again. “About what happened the day I left…”

“Jesus Christ,” you mutter under your breath, quickening your pace, trying to let Joel fall behind to avoid talking about that. Perhaps on any other day, as uncomfortable as it would have been, you’d be willing to talk about it, but not today… not in the state of mind you're currently in. “There’s nothing to talk about, Joel, I misread your intentions and… and it's been a year. We have a job to do, so let’s just get it done.” 

“That’s not–” He takes a deep breath, letting it out forcibly as if he were annoyed. “I tried stopping by your place before I left.”

“Stop,” you say with a bit more bite than you intended.

“I don’t want you to think–” Joel pressed on, truly determined to say whatever he wanted to say. 

“Stop it,” you spit. “It doesn’t matter.”

“It does now that I’m back,” he raises his voice to talk over you. “I want to make sure–”

“Make sure we’re good?” you interrupt him. “We are, so drop it.” 

The two of you come to a stand still. Joel’s chest is quickly rising and falling, his cheeks stained pink by the energy required to climb up the steep hill. A breeze picks up, sweeping Joel’s longish hair over his eyes; he pushes the strands out of way, still holding eye contact with you. 

Taking a deep breath as a way to cleanse your mind, an attempt to shake off this anger you feel, you begin to head up the hill again. This time slowing your pace to allow Joel to keep up without exerting himself too much. You both still had a long day ahead of you whether you wanted to be there or not. 

As silence ensued, Joel finally accepted that no matter how hard he tried, you did not want to talk to him that night. Although you didn’t want to talk about it, it didn’t stop random thoughts from popping up in your mind. You couldn’t build up the courage to make one particular thought known, to ask him the burning question that haunted you since he left. 

Joel managed to make his way to your side, his presence startling you from your deep state of thought. He didn’t say anything, just tightening his grip on his shoulder straps and giving you a quick glance. His jaw clamped shut. 

“Were you planning on leaving before…” You stop prematurely as the words rushed out of your mouth, the burning in your chest disappearing the moment you let the words enter reality. A shaky exhale escaped past your lips. Why does it matter, you questioned your own words, if he says no, then what? What does it change?

A nasty feeling overcomes you when he doesn't react, not even looking up from his focused stare at the ground. Nothing? You think, your throat begins to close in on itself.

“Let’s just get this done, I’m tired and my head hurts,” you say, your heart feeling like it shattered into a million pieces.

–

After your little spat with Joel neither of you speak  for a long while. A few task related words had been exchanged, but nothing beyond that. As the day ran longer and your mind returned to a neutral state, you felt bad for how you treated Joel. You felt bad for taking out your problem with James on him. 

“Sorry I was mean earlier,” you say quietly, picking at the sandwich you brought for lunch today. “Just the whole thing with James, you know?”

“You’re okay, darlin’” Joel says, the words coming out of his mouth smoothly, sending a blanket of warmth over your entire body. “James does that to people, I would know.” 

You force yourself to smile, although the guilt of how you treated him earlier when you were still seething with anger continued to eat at you.  

“Take this,” Joel added, causing you to look up from your food which you had balanced on one of your knees. He pulled out a neatly folded flannel from his backpack. It turns out that the hoodie you brought was in fact not warm enough, and between your shivering body and your chattering teeth, it must’ve been obvious. “You’re makin’ me cold just watchin’ you.” 

You mutter a small thanks to him as you meet him in the middle, taking it from him without any rebuttal or hesitation. As you slip your arms through the baggy sleeve, Joel’s smell engulfs you. Your heart flutters, quickening its pace, and your stomach twists into a knot. A smell that you couldn’t quite describe beyond comforting and one that warmed to the core, more warmth than any jacket could offer you. 

“You said you had some stuff to wrap up in Boston” you ask, trying to continue the conversation from earlier and receive some sort of answer from him. Your mouth became dry as you chewed slowly on a small piece of stale bread. “What’d you have to do?”

“A friend, her name’s Tess,” he begins, his words coming out slowly. You remember Joel mentioning Tess once before, a long time ago. “I’ve known her for a while– met her on  the road with Tommy after the outbreak happened.” 

“I remember you mentioning her,” you say, carefully watching his expression for any changes.

“Yeah, she’s-uh badass… real badass,” he responds, his eyes lighting up. Not good, you tell yourself as a feeling of jealousy washes over you. “I wasn’t planning on being gone so long, but she needed help finishing up some deals, tried convincin’ her to come out with me, but she wanted to stay, so…” 

You could see a hint of smile as he spoke about her and then a bit of sorrow at the end. 

“You love Tess?” You remember asking him before if they were together, a part of you wondered if that had changed between then and now.

The question catches him off guard. 

“No,” He immediately shoots back, his face twisting into a complex expression you couldn’t quite read. “No, no… it’s not like that. We’ve been through a lot together though, and– and I guess sometimes that has blurs the lines a bit.”  

You didn’t know how to respond to that so you let the conversation come to an end. The faint song of birds soon fills the air giving you something to listen to as you think over his words over and over again. He doesn’t love her but he feels something for her, you think, the jealousy stabbing into your stomach repeatedly. 

“I don’t mean this in a…” He starts, stopping a moment to think, “are you sure Nessa’s your friend?” 

The mention of Nessa amidst all of the mess Joel witnessed this morning provokes a laugh from you. You have to bite your lip in order for you to stop and answer his inquiry.

“After this morning, I have no idea,” You tell him nothing but the truth. “We were friends a few days ago. What’d she say?”

Joel shook his head, his eyes lowering to his hand which had been fumbling with the edge of a paper bag that held the jerky he brought along.

“C’mon,” you egg him on. By his reaction, you knew it had to have been nasty and knowing Nessa, you weren’t surprised. You knew how she could get, the things she came up in her mind to say about people who crossed her the wrong way. Though, you never thought you’d be in her line of fire.

“It doesn’t matter,” he shook his head again.

“Why are you protecting me?” His resistance causes you to become annoyed. “First with James, now this.” 

“James?” He says almost as if he had no idea what you’d been talking about.

“At the stables,” You try to cool your tone, now trying to come off nonchalant. “When he tried to provoke me about Charles and his kids, and even before….”

Joel scoffs, a sense of embarrassment hidden behind it. 

“I’m not protectin’ you, I– I–” he stammers and throws the half filled paper bag onto the base of his bad. “It doesn’t matter what she said because it wasn’t true.”

You force down the rest of the food you brought along, not necessarily because you wanted to but more so because it gave you something to do while Joel sulked. The usual Joel that you knew too well returned, and he became standoffish. You didn’t pay much mind to it because something told you that his little mood swing wouldn’t last, so all you could do was wait it out. He put up with my mood earlier, I guess it's only fair if I do the same, you told yourself, stealing glances of the slouching  man sitting adjacent from you.

Joel suddenly his throat, catching your attention.

“What do you do when you aren’t on patrol?” His words came out dry, but seemed genuinely curious. 

You let out a puff of air. A whole lot of nothing, you thought and what you wanted to tell him. Nothing important or worth talking about. 

“I drink with some friend,” you state simply, letting your voice falter on the last word. Joel picked up on your intonation of friends, narrowing his eyes.

“Friends?” He nearly mocked you perfectly. “Who?” 

You have to bite your tongue from letting out a small giggle. He should get a kick out of this, you think. 

“Don’t laugh,” you say, looking at him through your browline, a small smile appearing on your face. “I spent quite a bit of my evening with Heather and Aimee, Drew too… and Nessa of course, that whole group.” 

You very specifically left James out of that out of spite, but you were sure Joel would include him as he was a part of that group. Joel, of course, laughed, nearly choking on his water that he just took in from his canteen.

“I told you not to laugh,” You broke out into a smile as Joel wiped his mouth clean from water and saliva. “Besides, there’s not that many people to choose from.”

“There’s enough people to not choose them,” he quickly rebuttal in a joking tone. You just shrug, mainly because he wasn’t wrong. “I’m assumin’ James is apart of that mix too.”

“Yeah, James is there too,” Your face drops. At least he was, you added just to yourself, Or at least I was, you corrected yourself knowing that the gang would choose him over you in any instance, including Nessa.

“What happened between you two?” He asked genuinely, cocking his head to the side as he studied you. “Is he your–”

“Friend I suppose,” You cut him off desperately wanting him to disassociate you and James as being that. “Just a friend.” You weren’t sure if you clarified for him or more for yourself. “Just some petty drama, hopefully it’s over now.”

That seemed to satisfy Joel’s curiosity because he didn’t press any further or ask more questions regarding your friends.

As you pack up your things, now in a much merrier and less hangry mood than before lunch, you catch Joel watching you. Not watching you in a way that he had in the past. It was almost as if he were stuck on you, unable to peel his eyes off of you even if he wanted to. The shift in the air made butterflies form in your stomach at his consistent attention, you tried to ignore it until you couldn't. The two of you lock eyes as you meet him at the base of a rocky ledge.

“What?” you softly ask as you unbunch your many layers of clothes under the straps of your bag.

“Hm,” he half-consciously responds as if he didn’t entirely grasp onto what you just said.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” you expand your question further, causing him to blink quickly a few times as if it were bringing him back to the present moment.

“Like what?” he frantically darts his eyes along the ground, furrowing his brows.

“Like–” you begin to say, but the words are stuck in your throat, unwilling to be heard. With your heart fluttering, you continue. “Nevermind.”

But regardless, you saw it in his eyes. 

You saw it.

–

By the time the two of you make it back, the sun has nearly fully set for the day. Your legs hurt, you’re tired, and you’re hungry. The staff who had been there when you left had now all gone home leaving you and Joel to put all the equipment and horses away for the night.

“You hungry?” Joel asks, grunting as he picks up one of the saddles to be put away.

“Very” you drag out the word, letting the exhaustion fill the word entirely. 

“Why don’t you join Tommy ‘n I for dinner,” His voice is quiet, slightly nervous sounding. “Goin’ to Jackson BBQ, best BBQ in town.” 

“It’s the only…” You begin to say, your exhaustion not allowing yourself to pick up on his joke, only stopping once you realize.

He gives you a slight smile which causes you to stop for a moment and take in his offer.

“I– I don’t want to intrude,” You say quietly, though you want to say yes a million times over. “I know how much he’s missed you, so…” 

“He admitted that?” Joel asks with a smirk, wiping his hands off on his already dirty jeans and taking a step in front of you. 

“Not in those words, but…” You smile, lowering your head to hide your face. Joel lets out a hearty laugh. 

“Well, I want you to come,” He follows up with a laugh still lingering in his voice. His emphasis on want made you flinch, not in a bad way, but his directness catches you off guard. When you finally look up from the ground to look at him, he’s eyeing you nearly identical to when you had packed up after lunch. Your breathing hitches. “He won’t mind.”

Joel adds the last part after a few moments of silence between the two you, the soft neighs of the horses and rustle of the wind fill in the spaces.

You draw in a deep, slow breath; the cool air burning your lungs.

“Okay,” You finally agreed.

read chapter fourteen here!

painting divider | credit: @cottage-writings

#farmerlarrry #joel miller #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fic #joel miller x fem!reader #joel miller x female reader #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller angst #joel miller x oc #post outbreak! joel #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller imagine #joel miller story #pedro pascal fic #pedro pascal #joel miller the last of us #tlou fanfic #tlou fic #joel the last of us #the last of us

[tricitymonsters]

This is mostly taken from my kickstarter update but I wanted to post it here for yall too.

Tri City Monsters has funded at 141% with the help of 273 backers!  The total raised was $7,064!!

Firstly, I want to say thank you from the absolute bottom of my heart for helping me make this game. For backers to trust and believe in the project to make pledges literally just makes my stupid little goblin heart swell. I had someone pledge over $300. I had an ARMY of $2 and $5 pledges that did so much heavy lifting together and everything in between. I had snipers down at the last second putting pledges in. It's insane!

Beyond pledges though, I want to specifically thank everyone who took time to play the game on itch, who wishlisted on steam, who talked about it on socials, who drew or made posts or wrote about it. Your effort to get the game seen was fucking HUGE. And it WORKED. TCM doesn't have a formal marketing budget- while I did save up and set aside some specific money this month for blaze posts and some other ad runs, the fact of the matter is that you guys did a ton of heavy lifting and I don't make the kind of money it would take to buy those numbers. (Not a lot of indies do, that's how much you guys pushed).

I want to cringe call out/ profusely thank @booket-png as the game's lead artist but also as a huge and wonderful help in all the design work that's constantly being done with this thing, @epoch-smog for tolerating me posting their drawings constantly, plus @coyoxxtl, @rainmonarch, @mineshaft-birdie, @gedankenmoon ALL of whom are a constant support team and also blorbo crucible who tell me to keep making Kazu taller and his tits bigger like a little pack of shoulder devils when I waffle.

Sometimes they say raising a kid takes a village and I'd like to add that making indie games takes a community.  So! Not to belabor the point but THANK YOU!

To business:

As mentioned in during the campaign, I will be using Pledgebox to help me organize orders and move ahead with logistics way later down the line when we get to that point.  To reiterate some important dates, here's what the immediate future is kinda going to look like:

I'm happy to report that I've already got a head start on some of the digital rewards

Backer surveys will go out towards the end of July at the earliest, I may push it back a little bit depending but I want to give Kickstarter the full 14 days to collect payments with some buffer.

These surveys will be where you can choose variants for what products you purchased.  So if you backed for a daki, you'll be able to choose your character at this point.

Digital rewards will begin filling in July as well.  I hope to have the discord space ready for you within a week or two (the tcm server is chill to hang out in anyway but a backer dedicated space will give you instant updates and banter with me as I'm working plus you'll be able to talk about love letter contents and pinups and stuff like that without a lot of worry about spoilers or anything.  I hope to see yall there soon!)

The wallpaper pack will be quick to follow this.

I would like to finish all the love letters before I begin releasing them, right now that's also looking to be a late July delivery, possibly early August delivery.  I've gotten a couple done already and they're very fun to work on, I think yall will enjoy them a lot! >:3c

Pinups will be on a longer time scale.  I have one of three artists confirmed (Atlas will be doing Mori's!) and we're going to go through their schedule to see what their timeframe looks like.   Regardless, you can expect updates on that as I make progress.

As far as the physical merch, remember that fulfillment is slated to begin Q1 2024.  The process to produce physical goods is long and I want to have plenty of time to carefully go over samples and get through packing and shipping. 

Also slated for Q1 is the prologue release!  The prologue will be one long introductory chapter featuring all three ROs and will segue into the route of your choosing.

And then, my goal is to update the game each subsequent month with a chapter update to one character's route, cycling through all of them in turn until we can wrap them up.

SO this is my plan for the latter half of 2023 now that the Kickstarter is over but I'm going to pull a Nintendo Direct because I have one final announcement to make.  

The Pledgebox will continue to sell TCM merch, including digital stretch goal access, for the next few months while I prepare all of this stuff.  

If there's something you missed, you'll be able to add it to pick it up through TCM's Preorder Page

Please be sure to contact me if you have any questions or need clarification regarding the Pledgebox page, you can find me on discord 99% of the time (i'm pockatuck) or message me here!

As always, transparency is a huge priority for me so please expect more updates as all of these tasks get underway!

in TOTAL gratitude,

cloud

#SORRY I'M LONG WINDED I'M A WRITER #i'm SO FUCKING TIRED #if i forgot anyone by name its because i have swiss cheese brain and like 2 braincells #the coffee did not help this morning #but know that i love you

[chipper-asks]

Hi! I've been following you for a good while now and have always rly admired the community you've build, and, your art itself, obviously, it's always very cozy in here. May be a strange question, but as a relatively popular artist on the interned, are there any tips you could share on how to engage and sustain an audience? maybe you know some recourses for artist to get their art seen? I've been an artist posting online for roughly 10 yrs and pretty much failed at accumulating any sort of prominent presence. I don't feel bad about it really, it's not why I do art per say, but these are pretty rough times and unfortunately other means of art monetization grow thinner with stupid updates & algorithms forcing anyone who can't afford payed adds or subscriptions out of business. I kinda have to make use of social media, even if it's not my element in the slightest. Feel free not to answer if you feel like it. Thanks in advance! Also big thanks for your shouts of my art overall, I really appreciate your support!

So I've had a post in my drafts for who knows how long detailing how to build and curate your audience online. But I haven't found a good way to go about posting it because I didn't want it to come off as tooting my own horn xD

BUT YOU HAVE ENABLED ME SO HERE WE GO!!!

(im going to generalize, you may already be doing some of these things but I think its good info for anyone who wants to build an online presence)

1. Engaging your audience

A: First, you have to think of the platform you're sharing your art on and what people use it for. Not even tumblr, but the internet as a whole. It is a place where people form communities and share information. It's also one of the most popular ways to mentally escape; from school, boredom, to the horrors of real life.

So if you want people to find you, make a space where they can escape/feel community.

This means: No callout posting, no venting, no doom posting, no politics, no guilt posting, no anything that would make you unfollow someone else if you were having a bad day.

It's okay to have an occasional vent or political post cause we're human, but trauma dumping is something thats very hard for someone else to read and honestly should you be putting that kind of information online, the internet is a place of community but it also isnt safe.

B: The Value of Fandoms

It's time for some metrics, featuring my own follower count.

I've been on tumblr for 9 years and I have been making an effort to grow my base as a way of getting money as a freelancer (like you) so I started doing this allll the way back in highschool. I can remember each milestone and which fandom I got them in

1,000 I got when I was posting stuff for Undertale

2,000 I got when I was posting stuff for The Property of Hate

there was a big break between these milestones where I was just drawing ocs and object heads and stuff, but nothing I was hyperfixated on

5,000 I got from Hollow Knight

but then something really unexpected happened.

In late 2021 and early 2022 I decided cringe was a worthless social construct and decided to fully indulge in my enjoyment of doodling dragons.

I juuust inched past 5,000 when 2022 started. I Ended Up With 12,000 as 2022 ended. That's more than double. As of posting this I am at 13,600 and its only February.

So how did that happen? I could tout along and say that it was simply luck and I wasn't really making an effort anyway but that's a big fuckin lie, i've been "selling out" this whole time (it's not fucking selling out to post in fandom. You like a thing? You go to the thing's community and post about the thing)

Posting in a fandom is essentially like, now bear with me, advertising for your blog. Fandom is where the eyes are and where the traffic goes. Big tags like #artistsontumblr #tumblrart #art are used OFTEN but they're too general and often people look for things that are specific. Fandoms like Hollow Knight, BNHA, Mob Psycho, The Owl House, etc are currently popping off and have a lot of traffic.

This doesn't necessarily mean that you need to join a popular fandom to post your work in to get followers, it just means that if you're into a show or a media, post it on your main art blog and don't make side blogs. Keep it all together

Why?

Because 5% of those fandom people stick around for YOUR STUFF and those 5% of people are the best goddamn people in the world. You want those 5% to see EVERYTHING you do and THEY'RE the ones who will recommend you to THEIR friends and do outreach on your behalf because they like YOU and not YOUR STUFF.

i fuckin love those guys

So as you hop from fandom to fandom, you're going to lose some people but that's fine. Everyone curates their experience online and if you head off in a direction they don't like then they can deal with it. The rest come along for the ride cause 1: they either really like your stuff or 2: are into the new thing you're getting into.

SO ANYWAY

posting in fandoms under one name is GOOD because it puts everyone in the same bucket that will see your stuff and there's a chance that a few will stick just for your stuff. It is not cheap, its how you reach out to people to help cheer up their day and escape from things stressing them out.

C: What should you post?

So this is something that isn't an exact science but if you're looking to increase your follower count, this is something you can keep in mind.

Because this is the internet and the digital word of escaping from stress, people flock to things that are

1: Familiar 2: Funny 3: Relatable

So i've already been over fandoms and that's something that goes into the Familiar category. Familiar can also mean generalized but still popular concepts, like werewolves, dragons, vampires, apocalyptic scenarios, etc.

The more you trail into something niche, like marine biology, the seelie/unseelie courts, object heads, etc, the less traffic you'll find. There are communities centered around these but they're not massive like certain fandoms.

Which is how you end up with artists who spend hours upon hours on every piece only getting like 14 - 32 notes per piece. It's not lack of people caring or lack of interest, its the fact that these artists haven't "advertised" their blogs in fandom. Those people who end up caring about more personal posts are those 5% you find from fandom spaces. Their Familiar from that fandom begins to include your artwork as Familiar and thus they're more likely to share it.

Funny is simple. Tumblr is a platform of shitposts and memes. Do you have a favorite character in a fandom? Shitpost them. 2 birds with one stone, Familiar and Funny. I can't teach you how to be funny, but if you see something that makes you laugh online, pause and try to find out why and see if you can replicate it. (You wont get it in one go)

Relate-ability is also simple. If someone finds something they can easily associate with they will eagerly tag #mood #me or @ one of their friends in the post.

What doesn't get people following just by itself is your skill.

This sounds really fucking depressing but hear me out.

Your skill in art is a multiplier. It can take those three categories from above and BOOST IT to fantastic new heights. People love things that are from their fandoms that are funny and relate-able. People go FERAL for shit that is from their fandoms that are funny, relate-able AND COOL AS FUCK. If art represented x5 in an equation and you have nothing else, you get 0. If you include any of those three other things and then x5, you get something grand.

2. Sustaining your Audience.

If you want to set up your blog as a platform to eventually gain freelance income from, you need to make it yours and not your audience's.

This is key to prevent burnout and feeling obligation to create for thousands of featureless faces and losing sight of what made you enjoy art in the first place.

It is REALLY EASY to fall into that pit, especially as you grow your audience. When you have a small audience, it's easier to interact one on one with someone. Engagement is exciting when you have a small audience! People? Interested in your work!! Fuck yeah!!

But as you reach those milestones, the vibe begins to change. More and more people demand your attention. People who are new don't see you as an artist they knew from another fandom, they see you as a content creator and that is the worst goddamn stone wheel to get stuck around your neck.

You can still respond to requests and answer silly questions, but now you have to keep in mind that if you draw this little dragon for someone, three other people are going to ask for their own little dragons. And that's fine because you love dragons and they asked so nicely. You make those dragons but now there's seven people asking for their own dragons and you actually want to work on something other than dragons-- but you made those dragon doodles for those other people so wouldn't it be hypocritical to say no-

It becomes a spiral.

So to prevent that situation from happening, you need to respect your boundaries as an artist and what you will do and what you will draw the line at. If someone doesn't like you for that, they can unfollow.

In terms of posting regularly to sustain your audience, i've found that it helps but ultimately doesn't matter.

(this is a tumblr centric view, i cannot say the same for other platforms)

The way tumblr works resembles a massive recycling facility. You will see shit on your dash from 7 years ago but you dont mind, its how this place works.

It doesn't matter how often you post. You won't lose priority on people's dashboards if you don't make your daily art post. What matters is that you just make the post.

Each post you make is like sending out a bucket of chum into the grand ocean of tumblr. The more buckets of chum you have, the more likely you are to attract fish. The more you post the larger your radius is. The more variety you make in spreading out to different fandoms the wider your range is. And these spots of chum don't go away! They're permanent brown spots in a big blue wasteland and fish will stumble across it and then try to find the source.

Basically, you can disappear for an entire month and then suddenly return out of nowhere and shove 57 posts into a week and then disappear again and people will show up and stick around.

THis post is getting really long and there are probably some things im missing but my hadns are getting achy and i think that's my call to stop :p

if you have anymore questions tho im very willing to answer 👍

#asks #long post #nofandom

[eggtwobroes]

big post explaining/apologizing for my (eggtwobroes/theyhitthepentagon) behavior under the read more

sorry for maintagging this i just. think its important

i dont really kniw how to word what im thinking so im like. going to type it as im thinking. but i wanted to make a real genuine post explaining my behavior over the past year, because ive been a dick there is no avoiding it!! this post is going to be about how ive acted from june up until now. im mostly going to be explaining the situations and apologizing. if you see this please feel free to share it around, i know it most likely will not reach alot of people because i have like. a loot of people blocked. and alot of people have me blocked. idk please share this ok thank u

back in june 2022 (specifically one year tomorrow, june 16th) i got like. really worked up after i had foundout that most of my adult mutuals (and some people i followed) were drawing hlvrai nsfw! the only post i had made about it (at least from what i remember) is liiike a not Kind post that basically said "hey if u like hlvrai nsfw please block me i thought that was common sense". after i posted this a large hlvrai artist (either by chance or caused by me) posted like "hey if u shit on hlvrai porn ur homophobic! sex is an important part of gay relationships etc etc"

this caused a Massive out break of discourse over hlvrai nsfw and me getting alot of adults in my inbox being weird towards me. here i feel its important to mention that:

when i was 12, i was around Ex Friends that posted a lot of porn of media i liked. even though most of them were teenagers and not that much older than me it Greatly Impacted Me and how i act, both related to what i saw and how i was treated

i used twitter from ages 12-15 (recently left) and you know how they handle conflict there. its not good

i dont think either of these excuse how i acted (but they may explain it)

the combined pressure of getting a bunch of adults in my anons being (from my perspective) really weird about this 14 year old kid who doesnt want porn artists to interact, and the unhealed trauma of Being Exposed To Homestuck Porn When I Was 12 (a devastating situation that everyone goes though all the time) i didnt really. handle it in a Good Way. which Means i sent horrible anon hate to people.i dont clearly remember if i made alot of public posts about the situation at the time (beyond answering the anons i was getting) but if i did im very very VERY sorry.

i feel like. alot of how i acted during this time (june-early august, mostly) was extremely Dickish and rude. as much as i justify or explain why i acted the way i did, i was still causing issues and handling the situation in a way that was unhealthy for not just myself but for everyone else around me. for this i really genuinely do apologize as much as i can, to the people ive hurt (melonsharks, xenodogz, many other artists) and to the people who were annoyed by me rehashing 3 year old drama. ever since the situation i have been working towards learning to block people and move on if they make content that makes me feel nauseous.

As for how ive acted in recent months, mostly over characterization, im not going to pretend that im already a new person. because im not! as much as i say im trying to be less of an asshole im just Not. it takes effort that i feel like im not putting in.

for those who just Dont look at my pages often enough, i will occasionally make posts about how hlvrai fans treat or characterize the. characters. and lets behonest these posts are really rude and ive been working on at LEAST being more vague or keeping it in private or like. just Not Posting it. but of course i HAVENT done all of those things! ive been really unvague!

ive posted direct screenshots of authors writing (someone younger than me, ive recently learned) to shit on it for being mischaracterized. i should Not have done that. at the very least i should have kept my thoughts to myself, not even shared with my friends.

after reading how other authors and artists have felt about the things ive said, and looking at the way ive come to think of other artists or authors in the community, ive realized that even though i thought i was targetting mischaracterization and poor treatment of the characters, i was harming and discouraging artists and authors who are still learning and growing as creators.

for this, im VERY very sorry to all of the artists and writers ive hurt or discouraged with my posts. i want to personally apologize to joyflameball, for publicly posting about and hating on your writing and the discouragement i caused as a result. i should have never put mischaracterization over your own feelings, and i definitely should not have put your work on blast, especially because we are (i think) around the same age. i will be trying as best as i can to deconstruct the way ive come to think of other creators in this community and support other creators as best i can.

i dont expect to be forgiven for the way ive acted, since alot of this is VERY very recent and so far i dont think ive shown any signs of improvement. i am writing this post now because i want you all to know that i will be trying my hardest to become a better person, change the way i think of other people, and change the way i act in public. i dont think my actions can be excused, as much as i try my best to explain them from my perspective. ive undeniably hurt many people. if i havent addressed something important, or if you have any questions/things to say, please feel free to send me an ask or dm me at wretched yaoi lich#9564 on discord. im most likely going to be queueing this post alot so my followers see it. thank u for ur time

#veru sorry if this isnt well articulated or put together because i just. typed as i was thinking

[dovelydraws]

If you don't mind me asking,

What's art styles ended up influencing .. Well your art style?

Oh, this is a fun question, thank you for asking!

Hmm, I think it's a little hard to say since I've been drawing since I was basically a toddler, lol. Every little thing I've ever enjoyed has had some sort of influence. I'll try to go through the timeline though.

When I was a little kid, I had a special interest in zoology (still do! but it's not as obvious as it was back then.) I used to wake up first in the house specifically so I could turn on the tv to the animal planet channel and just watch documentaries all morning, and I carried a giant animal kingdom encyclopedia with me to school every day to just flip to random pages and read whatever popped up. During this time of my life, I pretty much exclusively drew animals- particularly elephants, canines, and horses. I had no interest in people.

I had no real interest in stylization at this point- obviously as a little kid I was never able to achieve perfect anatomy or anything like that, but I was more interested in making my animals look real than cartoonish- which meant I was never really influenced by the disney movies I was watching, since they stylized their animals so heavily.

I remember the dreamworks movie Spirit held my attention for a very long time, and I think it may particularly have been that way because the horses looked and acted more real than they did in disney movies. They were still stylized of course, it was a cartoon after all, but it wasn't to any extremes. I still find myself wanting to mimic that in my animals now; cartoon, but not cartoon-y.

I think these two gifs help illustrate my point lol.

After this exclusive animal obsession (followed by dinosaurs, and then dragons) I got really into Sonic the Hedgehog around age 11. Drew sonic characters, and made my own OCs for it, for basically the entirety of middle school. I've pointed out in the past that it seems the way I draw hands was heavily influenced by this phase

Very round, almost rubbery, where the ends of the fingers tend to flare out a little bigger than they are at the knuckles.

Then after sonic, I got into my first anime, Soul Eater, and this is really where I first started venturing into drawing people and more realistic human anatomy.

Interestingly, this artstyle seemed to also do the Sonic Hands thing, lol

After this I had a big anime phase, as well as just a general "I want to study actual human anatomy" phase during early high school. I was following a lot of skeletal/muscular system tutorials during this time.

Following that I started getting back into american media, in particular I remember invader zim, steven universe, and tmnt 2k12. I'm not sure I can really tell myself where the steven u artstyle is present in my own, but I've had people tell me they can tell I was into it at some point after saying so.

Then there was the Rubberhose Boom of 2017, with the release of Cuphead and BATIM very close together; I had a big hyperfixation on that artstyle specifically at that time, and I feel like I may owe some of the loose-ness in my artstyle to that.

Then, I suppose, we come to Rise of the TMNT. That show ended up being a major inspiration to me, and I think I owe a LOT of recent artistic growth to it. Rise pushed me out of my comfort zone big time. I always liked doing dynamic poses, but rise encouraged me to push things further, and I started drawing more backgrounds and making bolder color choices because of it as well.

I think my artstyle became just a bit more angular after drawing so much fanart as well.

And I suppose that's where I'm now at presently! Aside from media, I also can't say I'd be where I am artistically today without the influence and support of my many friends. :) I owe a lot of things about my artstyle, particularly specific things like my lineart, to compliments my friends paid me which made me pay more attention to the things I was doing accidentally that they happened to like, then making it purposeful and more refined as a result.

#asks #long post #this was really fun to think about :)

[filopay]

RALOF REILIFSON

Thirty | he/him | 182 cm | Human | Nord

The self is not so weightless, nor whole and unbroken Remember the pact of our youth Where you go, I'm going, so jump and I'm jumping Since there is no me without you — Gang of Youths

[ 1 ] [ 2 ]

Prompt from:@oc-tober2023 [ I am not following the same order ]

~ Found Family

Chirp, chirp.

Ralof was awake even before the birds had sung their first tune. The floorboards creaked as he quickly reached the end of his small room, throwing a simple shirt and trousers on. The bed groaned as he sat back down to squeeze his feet into his way too small shoes. It was a simple life, but he did not mind, because looking up, hanging on the loose nail opposite of him, was his leather armour.

Reaching for it, he drew a tentative hand over the fabric, it too wasn't much, worn and a little too small for his broad frame, but it was his and he is going to wear it with pride.

Running down the stairs, he was now fully dressed, passing by the kitchen, he already saw his father prepare some breakfast.

"Morning, dad. You're early." He noticed, as he pressed himself next to his father to steal a stale slice of bread, biting into it.

"You won't leave the house without a proper breakfast." His father chastises, making Ralof halt in his quick escape, "And you need to take something with you for lunch."

He held out a small package, the breakfast he had been preparing all wrapped up in a clean cotton cloth.

"You got up this early to make me these?" Ralof was touched, usually his dad was more than grumpy about his sleep.

"I was awake anyway. Couldn't sleep. So I made use of my time." He deflects and it draws a smile on Ralofs lips.

"I couldn't sleep either, so I thought I will get there early." He gently takes the package from his fathers outstretched hand.

"Thank you." He leans forward to give his father a kiss on the cheek. "I'll tell you everything tonight."

"May Fate favour you today."

Ralof was out of the door with a light skip to his step. The air was stuffy and it had recently rained, making the path muddy and dirty but he did not mind. It was his home and he liked it here very much.

"Good morning, Ralof." He looked up, seeing his elderly neighbour throw the night pot out the window, "You're early today."

"It's the first day at my new job!" He shouted back so she would hear him.

"A new job? I thought you would take over your father's smithy. How strange."

"As of today, I am a recruit guarding the outer Walls, so if you have any concerns regarding your safety, I can be of help." He pushes his chest forward, presenting his new leather armour.

"Oh, my door has been giving me troubles lately. I fear it will fall off its hinges soon. You father had crafted them for me when he was learning under your grandfather. If you could take a look before it falls open? I am afraid of having to life without a door in these dark times."

He could surely spare the time.

"I can take a look, no problem."

She smiles brightly. "You are a darling. Thank you, Ralof."

It turned out, the hinges were just slightly loose and he walked back home to get the right tool to fix it. Then she invited him for a small cup of tea, when she took out the baked loaves, he declined and instead took them with him as she insisted on repaying him.

Now, no longer as early as he was, he resumed his walk towards the outer walls of the fortress, his little lunch package, a little fuller.

His path had him walk straight through the daily market. He liked the market very much, so many different foods and items to look at and people that came from all around Aestricca just to sell their things here. The stories he had heard them tell, always captivated him, but at the end of the day, he was still glad to be where he was.

"Ooh, look at you all dressed up." He stopped at the sound of the familiar voice. Turning around he saw a young woman with a headband wrapped around her head, standing behind a small stall selling vegetables. She was the daughter of one of the farmers living outside the walls.

He instantly stood a little taller, showing off his new armour. "I am on my way to my very first day."

"Never thought you would be the one joining the other side. Be careful not to forget us little folk here when it gets to your head." She quips, pushing her chin out.

"It's only a trial today, but I'm sure I will be taken in as a recruit. I do it because I want to help us here afterall. If there are any concerns for your safety, you can let me know. It's my job now."

She chuckles. "Careful not to say that too loud while wearing that armour. Someme might take it you feel the fortress is not a safe place to be."

He frowns. "But thats why we have the guards, to make it safe."

"All I'm saying is, that this armour gives you authority. All kinds of people will turn to you just because of ehat you wear. Use that power wisely. Saying the wrong thing to the wrong person can get you easily killed and not all take kindly to the guards."

Ralof was quiet for a moment, stunned she would think so. He had never been very good at reading situations, at least that's what he'd been told. His father always said, he better stay away from jobs that require smarts. Politics make too much troubles, and do something with his hands. He was no longer a blacksmith apprentice but is being a guard so different?

"I didn't mean to scare you. Just wanted to give you a proper warning, in case no one did. I'm sure you do fine though, you've always been enganging with the community anyway, if anyone, you will give the position a better name. You're one of the good ones, Ralof."

"I dont think there are bad guards." He shakes his head, "They follow a code, you know. I had to learn it too, the preservation of the community comes first. We need to act for the greater good. That's what I intend to do. Help people."

She gave him a weak smile. "Sure you will do great."

He nods, no doubt he will, he wasnt sure why she was so worried. Why everyone seems to want to warn him. First his dad, now her too. Then he gets it. They were afraid he'd be too busy for them. "I will still be able to help you out with setting up the stall. Don't fret, I might be more busy than usual, but I will be here if you have to carry a prized pumpkin again."

She laughs at that, "You almost dropped it last year insisting on carrying it all on your own. I'm not sure I will entrust my prized pumpkin to you again." She winks at him.

"But I will be training harder than ever now. So give me the biggest pumpkin you have and you'll see I will carry it for you with ease." He grins and she matches it easily.

"I will hold you up to that. Now I think you should be on your way. The sun is already rising above the walls." She points into the distance, where the high stone walls of the fortress loom over them all. "Dont think you want to be late to your first day."

"By the gods! I forgot the time. Let me know about the pumpkin!" He shouted the last words, already jogging down the street, dodging shoppers and merchants alike as he easily navigates through the masses of people.

A few more greet him, call him by name, but he excused himself, not having the time to stop and chat this time. He liked this city. Many speak bad about the lower district of Skaeld but he wouldn't be anywhere else. It's where he grew up, it's where everyone knew him, everyone was family to him, if blood or not. Here he would always stay and being a guard won't change that.

He had found his home, his family and choose to keep and support it as one should.

[ ~ 1.387 words ]

#oc-tober2023 #oc-tober #prompt #ralof #oc #Day18: found family #black ice #he is a himbo haha #there i said it #reaaaly love how his portrait turned out #whoop #exactly how i imagine him #october ralof

[pastafossa]

Hi Pasta!!

I have a random question that popped up in my head the other day

Does Jane do the thread work in every city she's lived in? Like, does she ever do random jobs for anonymity purposes, ones that aren't linked to her abilities? I imagine it's much easier to track down a psychic than it is to find someone who has been working as a preschool teacher or someone working the front desk at a dentist office.

Again, just a shower thought that came to me during a reread🤣

Oooooh now this is a good question and it's not one I think will ever come up in a meaningful way in the fic so I feel free to answer it, too!

So she doesn't do exactly what she's doing in every city, no, although she often finds ways to use her threads to her benefit - I've mentioned before when she first hit Los Angeles as a teen, she got roped into a new-agey sort of shop, doing tarot like a very poorly paid trick pony - she'd use her thread abilities to make accurate enough predictions that she was worth keeping around. She pulled similar tricks in other cities early on (she's quite good at reading tarot now for others, ironically), and then on and off in various cities after, because it's hard to walk away from all the money on the table. The psychic business category alone is, if I remember my research correctly, around 90k businesses in the US, and makes about 2 billion annually. It's likely even bigger of a business in the TRT universe since the existence of enhanced people might encourage more people to go looking for psychics to help with their problems. That means billions and billions of dollars changing hands.

And money, as we know with her, is a big lure. BUT, as you said, yeah, she quickly figured out hey, I can't do this every time because that forms a pattern (which is bad). Some of it also depends on where she is - there might be way more (real or not) psychics around for her to hide amongst like in NYC, or there may be fewer. The latter cities are where she's more likely to find a different job - and she's not above faking her qualifications to get in, as long as it's a job she can actually do. She knows how to manage a store, she knows how to draw blood and so has done a round or two as a phlebotomist. Hell, she did construction under the table for a bit in Pittsburgh.

But she keeps coming back to psychic.

She's got a method for those cities now - there's a reason she's working alongside Maya, and why Maya's name is the big name on the business and hers is advertised by reputation only (hiding herself beneath two extra layers of names, essentially). There's a reason she targets specific kinds of rich - she wants the rich who are either smart enough to follow contracts (Wesley), or wary enough that they're worried about others stealing away their favorite psychic and so keep their mouths shut (or decide to hire her on at a high enough rate that she can work solely for them). And above all, her rule is to run before she gets too big. Essentially playing psychic is a tradeoff - a larger payday in exchange for a shorter timeframe in the city, as opposed to the slow and steady trickling of another job where she can stay longer. She's followed that rule for years now - either quiet jobs to take the heat off, or short bursts of psychic activity that make her a ton of money before she fades out and vanishes in 6 months to a year, finding a new name, and a new city.

Until New York City...

And until Matt...

Click go the dominoes.

#ask response #the red thread #jane hind #jane's both worked odd jobs and a lot of psychic jobs basically #some of those psychic jobs are fairly under the table #or someone rich hired her on personally a little like Wesley and Fisk were planning to #in which case she can stop advertising entirely and stay a little longer as long as it's covert #(or criminal) #and then her odd jobs are normally after she got a little too much attention and needs to lay low for a bit #but over the years she's started leaning more and more towards moving every 6 months to a year even with more covert non psychic jobs #it just feels safer #but yes she's had a lot of jobs essentially #even if psychic stuff has taken up around 70% of it

[torturedpoetemotions]

Hello! I've been following your blog ever since the finale of The Winchesters and really love all of the metas you've done, they're all very well made.

I have a question about your thoughts on The Leak. I saw that you had made 2 vague posts about it and how the SPN side of tumblr has been treating it, namely poorly (to speak in delicate terms). I'm currently writing a piece about why potentially this attitude is going on, and why it is so pervasive. I'm asking you since you have obviously been in this fandom far longer than I have, and would like to get a second opinion from someone who may potentially have a more comprehensive view on this issue.

However, I completely understand if you don't respond to this as this is an issue that deals heavily with spoilers. I just thought you're 2 posts about it were interesting and would've liked to hear more from you about it as someone who is a diehard heller yet doesn't agree with what's been going on.

Hi hello. I am finally answering this since Good Omens 2 is now out. I didn't want to draw yet more attention to the leak ahead of time, but the time is come so here I go.

There are a lot of overlapping things factoring into some Hellers' overall reaction to the Good Omens leak and Good Omens 2 in general, but I do not have the bandwidth nor the desire to give anyone a crash course in Heller History & Psychology. It mainly comes down to the fact that Hellers, especially those who've been with the show and ship for years, are wounded more than most of us would like to admit by years of queerbaiting, and a bit defensive as a result.

Many of us are in our late 20s, early 30s, or older and grew up without ANY positive representation at all. What little visibility queer people in media were allowed to have was steeped in themes of deviance and tragedy. And the few truly joyful depictions of us that did exist were not accessible to many of us in our communities, especially before the advent of widespread internet access. As a personal example, I only saw the film Big Eden (2000) in the last five years. I didn't know it existed before then!

Queer representation only became more normalized on television once I was well into my 20s. And even then, it was only normalized within very specific limitations. A character could be introduced as queer or have a Queer Life Script type of story. But the majority of these characters were still steeped in negative stereotypes, and it was basically unheard of for a show that didn't set out to be inclusive to suddenly make one of its main characters queer in canon.

(Tangent: I still remember the first time I saw an unexpected queerness reveal on television. Two men were staring intensely at each other in the midst of an argument and I jokingly said "now kiss" at my television screen. And then they did. And after about 5 seconds of wondering if I had magical powers, my entire brain was rewired forever (it was an episode of Cold Case).)

The point is, it was really easy for a long time for general audience members and fans who didn't like Destiel as a ship to tell us we were stupid and crazy for shipping it, because they had the entire history of film and television in North America backing them up. Not to mention the cherry-picked comments of certain actors over the years, and the behavior of moderators at conventions. And many anti-hellers took full advantage of all that, and still do, and don't acknowledge at all the role that real homophobia plays in supporting their stupid little one-sided ship wars.

All of this to say, Destiel fans have every reason to be defensive and prickly.

That being said, I think malicious spreading of the GO2 leak untagged and unwarned-for was extremely shitty. Ruining something important for someone else because we couldn't have the thing we wanted is childish and self-absorbed beyond belief. Shitting on actual, canonical queer representation because it isn't the ship and show you wanted it from is just shitty, full stop.

And for what? It's not like Warner Brothers is going to wake up one morning and say "wow those Hellers really shit on every other queer rep on offer, guess that means it would be lucrative and smart from a business standpoint to resurrect a cancelled show just to give them canon Destiel after all these years!" But then let's be honest, there's no logic behind this kind of behavior. It's just meanness, bitterness, and spite. And while I sympathize with the bitterness, the meanness and spite are inexcusable.

Finally, the veiled-to-explicit accusations that Good Omens was trying to somehow supplant or copy Destiel are unspeakably stupid.

For one thing, I can think of few things further from "trying to be like Destiel" than taking a queer interpretation of a work that was not really intended by its authors and running with it full speed ahead. Supernatural is an example of how homophobia makes a story worse by flattening its characters and wasting its potential. Good Omens the show is an example of how a willingness to embrace queer interpretations of a story can give it new life and dimension.

So if anything, that's an inversion of what happened with Destiel! Supernatural is a straight man's straightwashed fanfic of a censored version of a queer story. It was forced into the closet at every turn by a homophobic network despite the efforts of queer and queer-friendly writers to course-correct throughout its 15-year run. The sheer number of bisexuals SPN took inspiration from only to straight-wash and queerbait for as long as it did is almost as ridiculous as claiming that a show that did the opposite of that was trying to emulate it.

I also find it stupid because Good Omens the book was published fifteen years before the fifteen-year hate crime that is Supernatural ever aired a single episode. The elements of queerness that the show teased out and expanded upon existed back when Eric Kripke was still what I can only imagine was an insufferable teen proto-filmbro making some poor underpaid high school English professor take up drinking to cope with his hypermasc Americana edgelord bullshit in every essay.

Much like when SPN fans started yelling that Matt Ryan's Constantine was a ripoff of Supernatural and Castiel, this is just embarrassing. If anything, the inspiration for Destiel came from Good Omens, not the other way around.

As for any worries fans express (in their adamant denials) about the Ineffable Lovers "replacing" Destiel, I have to ask...for who? Pretty sure no diehard Heller is going to burn their Castiel handprint patch from Stands as a sacrifice to the gomens gods to prove their loyalty. And anyway, nothing is ever going to approach being the "new Destiel" without at least a dozen years of will-they/won't-they slow burn angst and enemies to allies to enemies to friends to coparents to lovers shenanigans. It's just implausible! We can't even get a show to have five whole seasons anymore nowadays.

I know Destiel is important to Hellers. I'm a Heller. It's important to ME. But we aren't doing ourselves or anyone else any favors by acting like every star-crossed queer love story that comes along is somehow copying or devaluing Destiel. That is just laughably untrue. The Ineffable Lovers will never be Destiel, sure. But who ever said they were trying to be? I thought the whole explicit canonicity bit made it pretty clear that wasn't the case.

TL;DR: Hellers including me all have terminal brainworms from being gaslit since we were impressionable teenagers by Eric Kripke and all his successors, but that's no excuse to intentionally spoil big moments or be shitty about other shows giving their audience canonical queer rep. From the bottom of my Heller heart, grow the fuck up besties.

#supernatural #good omens #ineffable lovers #destiel #ship nonsense #spn fandom #hellers #if you're a heller and didn't participate in this shit this obviously isn't about you #but truly some of us do need to open ass remove head about this beloveds #ask box #anomyous

[3rddimension]

Omg they did tarot again with Amanda on smoshcast!!! I'm so upset he didn't bring up doing the same type of tarot for their love lives for why we're bad. But he did mention he did it once before outside of work even though he's a non believer, makes me think mwybe it was with C or in general someone in his life who does believe and dragged him to it.

Anyway the cards can be applied to his relationship in many ways, but the past card specifically for me stood out. He says he remembers getting the thought in the past years of how if it's something he's scared to do and gas anxiety about, that means he should do it and that makes me think of taking the next step with c to become more than platonic. He then says it typically ends up feeling freeing and very good. I remember in their early days even c talking about the most important thing she learned in therapy was to let go of expectations of something and how things should be when entering something new etc. And the card is basically to follow the flames that will guide you to somewhere exciting.

(also when he notices the drawing of the past card, he says the image feels very reminiscent of his life, obv not literally but I remember a pic on c's ig of when we presume they started getting serious, they were always hiking and the setting often looked like that. The ig pics are of c only but someone was clearly photographing her and we now know it must've been s)

Also another anon:

Omg s's past card "in the face of the unknown, you may feel anxious and afraid but is a safe passage what you actually need? This is your moment to let the pixie lights lead you from the well worn path I to the wilderness. It's scary and exciting but fear is only excitement that hasn't received permission." and shayne immediately goes" I like that. I love that." and explains about how he's someone who can let fear dictate him, and specifically how a few years ago he was facing "existential" fears and he realised he had to to "it". Existential fears meaning not career or status etc it had to have been personal like maybe related to his companionship etc. Also DIDN'T THE TAROT FROM YEARS AGO ALSO TELL HIM HE NEEDED TO GET OUT OF HIS COMFORT ZONE TO FIND HIS SOULMATE????

I just finished watching and his tarot cards basically tell the tale of him after the last reading in late 2019/early 2020 tbh.

Anon you are right that the last time he need to get out of the comfort zone. You can check the recap from my post here:

The three cards I do think represent the journey of him finally getting over all the fear and going for it with Courtney for sure and then right now he's in an exciting phase of his life.

[canmom]

Animation Night 125: Peter Chung

[Animation Night archive]

Hiii everyone, it’s Thursday! And it’s a multiple of 5, which means it’s time for something ‘big’. Which is to say... full circle back to the creator whose Aeon Flux started this whole thing, Peter Chung~... one of my favourite directors.

^ me setting up an Animation Night...

But! We’re not here to watch Aeon Flux again this time! [Though if you wanna read about Aeon Flux, go check out Animation Night 52]. We’re here to watch the other works of Peter Chung! Such as Alexander Senki aka Reign: the Conqueror...

You see, Peter Chung is one of the few people to have the experience of directing both anime and western animation. The insights this gave him, related once upon a time on the anipages forums, were one of the seeds of what would become the ‘sakuga fandom’.

But let’s start at the beginning. Here’s a picture of Chung via imdb...

He was born in Seoul in 1961, the son of a guy in the foreign service, which meant his childhood was spent travelling all over the world (Wikipedia lists Seoul, London, Nairobi, Washington, D.C., New York and Tunis). Eventually they settled down to migrate to the USA, in Virginia. I’m not exactly sure when Chung got the animation bug, but it was early enough to send him to CalArts, where he attended their experimental animation program.

At age 18, he graduated CalArts joined the animation industry, working for the Spanish painter Salvador Bru. You can see some of Bru’s abstract paintings here; I haven’t been able to track down any of his work in animation. In any case, within a year Chung landed at Hanna-Barbera, working on character design, and also working with Ralph Bakshi [Animation Night 63] on layouts for his barbarian movie Fire and Ice (1983).

At this point he apparently got scouted by Didney for feature development, although which features he may have developed is not entirely clear. He also has layout and art direction credits for a couple of franchise works from this mid-80s period, such as The Transformers (1984, animation outsourced to Toei) and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987, animated at an American studio then called Murakami-Wolf-Swenson, now Fred Wolf Films), and some less well remembered ones such as C.O.P.S., a bizarre animated spinoff of a reality show following cops on the job, and Ring Raiders, a toyline-driven show promoting toy aeroplanes.

Chung’s major break came, so far as I can tell, when he designed the characters for the inaugral Nickoledeon show Rugrats (see Animation Night 31 when we watched the Hanukkah episode), in which a group of children play in elaborate fantasy worlds. The show was a huge hit, although it was still a few years until Chung got the opportunity to create something purely according to his vision in Aeon Flux. In the intervening period he got to work on the post-apocalyptic superhero show Phantom 2040 (1994), once again on character design.

Then came Liquid Television, and Aeon Flux. Aeon Flux stood out amidst Liquid Television because its animation could easily have belonged a mainstream show... if it wasn’t horny philosophical science fiction, heavy on ambiguity. But by the same token, it’s specificity won a lot of die-hard fans (like me).

Since there are a number of interviews out there, let’s get some of Chung’s own words on what went into it...

O: You tend to broadly exaggerate your characters' physical characteristics, especially their height and their musculature—is there any particular symbolic or aesthetic reason?

PC: That's a hard thing for an artist to try to analyze. I could kind of try to pick it apart, but the simple truth is, that's the way I draw. I mean, I can tell you about my influences—my favorite artist is Egon Schiele, the German Expressionist. If you look at his drawings, they're very economical, very expressive. The first time I saw them, I thought they were perfect for animation. So I did make a conscious effort to try and adapt that approach to drawing. The other thing is… I was going for a style, when I was doing Aeon Flux, that was much more dependent on expressive drawing as opposed to lots of surface detail. In Japanese productions, they like to put a lot of highlights and shadows on things, to make things look very rendered. Each drawing has to stand out individually as an illustration. Having been trained in American animation, I wanted to have characters that were very realistic, but not so loaded with detail that they were going to be hard to move.

O: Your characters, both in Aeon Flux and in Reign, tend to dress in a way that's half formalized costume, half fetish gear. They often don't wear much, and what they wear is elaborate and stylized. What are your fashion influences?

PC: Well, I struggled a lot, when I was doing Aeon Flux, with how far to push the costumes, and how realistic to make them. I think a lot of illustrators realize—and you see this a lot in American comics as well—that if you draw costumes realistically, it's very difficult. You end up spending all your time trying to create believable drapery. So the tendency is to draw skin-tight costumes that mold around the body. This allows you to use the body more. You see this with classical sculpture, and dancers. You try to use the expressive qualities of the human body more—that's why sculptors prefer to work with nudes, as opposed to trying to make the clothing look accurate. Otherwise you end up concentrating on the clothing and not the person. The same is true with animation—I think of my animated characters as dancers. I want to be able to use body language as much as possible.

Chung’s comments here are interesting, in that his talk of forgoing highlights reminds me of the kagenashi approach taken by Mamoru Hosoda - in both cases, putting less complexity in the static drawings to allow for more motion, but still strongly influenced by the more solid drawing style of anime instead of the more 2D graphical approach of most American TV animation. Chung’s style of lanky anatomy with exaggerated bumps and details is uinstantly recognisable; only Robert Valley, directly inspired by him, is all that similar within animation.

What about Egon Schiele? Let me show you some of his paintings...

...you can probably see how he influenced Chung! (Expressionism if you’re wondering was a pre-first world war Modernist art movement which responded to naturalism and positivism by emphasising the personal, subjective emotional experience of the world. Thanks, Wikipedia!)

Alongside Schiele the German expressionist, Chung cites a whole lot of influences; lemme pick out some of the ones we’ve talked about on here...

I don't consciously model my style or techniques on any particular body of work.  I try as much as possible to draw from personal experience and observation.  I'm inspired by the work of other artists, mostly because they show me how good it's possible to be at practicing one's craft.  They would include, in no special order:

David Lynch, Stanley Kubrick, Orson Welles, Alfred Hitchcock, Federico Fellini, Alexandro Jodorowsky [Toku Tuesday 27], Michelangelo Antonioni, Alain Resnais, Jean Cocteau, Allain Robbe-Grillet, Seijun Suzuki,

Osamu Dezaki [Animation Night 95], Yoshiaki Kawajiri [Animation Night 25, Animation Night 67], Yoshinori Kanada [Animation Night 62], Moebius [Animation Night 71], Kazuo Umezu [author of The Drifting Classroom, whose adaptation we watched on Toku Tuesday 19],

Egon Schiele, Horst Janssen, Frank Lloyd Wright, among others.

On comics, he’s pretty down on the state of the American industry, describing it as largely divided between heavy-handed narration where the illustrations feel gratuitous, and artistic flexes with weak story. He describes his aspiration to communicate the feelings of the characters visually, without being heavy-handed. So while I’m citing influences, lemme pull up Peter Chung’s favourite comics...

 Here is a list of my personal favorite comics stories in no particular  order. My choices are based as much on mastery of narrative form, as on  originality of conception. Each of them appear to have been impelled by  an inner vision; they are not comics inspired by other comics, but rather  by dreams, obsessions, yearnings. 

1. Baptism, Makoto-chan, Fourteen by Kazuo Umezu  2. Savannah by Sanpei Shirato  3. Mighty Atom, No-man, Phoenix by Osamu Tezuka  4. The New Gods by Jack Kirby  5. The Airtight Garage, Arzach by Moebius  6. The Incal Saga by Moebius and Jodorowsky  7. The Tower, The Hollow Earth Series by Schuiten and Peeters  8. The Jealous God, Envie de Chien by Cadelo  9. Be Free! by Tatsuya Egawa  10. Hard-Boiled by Geof Darrow and Frank Miller

I love Aeon Flux, but I’ve talked at length about it in the past, so let’s not spend too long on it here, since tonight the focus is on what came next!

In 1998-9, four years after Aeon Flux, Chung got his chance to work in anime - and not only work in anime but on a series co-directed by Rintaro (Animation Night 53, AN 62, AN 67).

So. Alexander Senki began life as a series of light novels by Hiroshi Aramata, a prolific and widely talented natural history researcher and novellist known otherwise for the occultist historical fantasy novel Teito Monogatari. Alexander Senki tell the story of Alexander the Great, but projected into a futuristic scifi setting.

For the animated version, Madhouse went for an international approach, and invited Chung to come in and design the characters and settings for a 13-episode TV anime, later compiled into a 90-minute film. Much of the animation was outsourced to the Korean studio DR Movie - one you’ll see frequently in the credits of recent anime, but I believe this was more novel at the time.

Chung commented on the experience in the above interview...

Peter Chung: There are many ways I could answer [what it’s like to put a particular stamp on a work he’s not directing], I suppose. In this particular case, it was different from a lot of other shows I've worked on as a designer. I've done a lot of work in the U.S. as a character designer, but in Japan, it's much more of an auteur role, where they really want your individual style on a project. In the U.S., it's much more collaborative. What was good about Reign was that they really liked the idea of things having an eccentric, personal style. And for me, that was great. A lot of that has to do, usually, in animation, with the ability of the animators to adapt to the drawing style of the designer, and they did a very good job, they tried very hard, to follow my original drawings. Whereas often, in American productions, they will try to simplify or adapt a designer's drawings to what the animators can draw.

O: Do you prefer the auteur method over working collaboratively?

PC: Well, as a designer, I like having the freedom and the license to design the way I want. So for me, working with the Japanese is better, at least from a designer's point of view. Now, working from the point of view of an animator, I think the animators had a lot of difficulty adapting to my style.

Animation-wise, Alexander Senki draws on the familiar techniques of Madhouse’s OVAs: limited animation and multiplane effects with moments of more complex animation. But Chung’s character and environment designs give it a particular flavour that makes it feel very different to most Madhouse works, really underlining the significance of a character designer to a project. The result, which takes a wander through the story of Alexander with a lot of philosophical musing was... polarising, but if you like Chung’s style, very appealing.

Since I cannot find the movie and it’s said to cut too much anyway, tonight my plan is to show 3-4 episodes of Alexander Senki - enough to give a taste. Because then the question is, what did Chung do next? He got a little more anime work, animating the credits to Party 7 - a live action comedy film which also Takeshi Koike on the map for its title sequence. Years later, Koike would make a spectacular tribute to Aeon Flux as an ad for the cancelled computer game...

And then we get the third entry in the ‘Aeon Fluxlike’ canon: Chung directed a segment of the Animatrix (Animation Night 6, long overdue for a rewrite though!). This was his first time working with significant CG - something he found a much more fluid process than traditional animation - and he was brimming with ideas, many of which ended up cut. Nevertheless, his entry is effective - pretty much just ‘what if Aeon Flux but the Matrix’, featuring a machine in a virtual environment designed to persuade it to defect. Chung says...

I mean, how many variations can you do on the story of someone suspecting that he's living in a simulation, then waking up?  I decided to take a radically different approach and view the world from the point of view of the machines.  After all, a robot would be more susceptible to delusion than a human.  Also, I wanted to show that the human mind is just as capable of creating a rich and seductive dream world as a computer is. 

And after these three splendid creations, what did Chung do next? I think most people if asked would draw a blank, since he kind of fell off the radar. Aeon Flux was adapted into a feature-length movie, originally described as more of an art film by director Karyn Kusama, but it was taken out of her hands and heavily re-edited by the studio into a very generic sci-fi action movie. Chung had little involvement, and was heartbroken at the result:

With apologies to both Phil and Matt-- who have publicly been effusive in their praise for the show-- the movie is a travesty.  I was unhappy when I read the script four years ago;  seeing it projected larger than life in a crowded theatre made me feel helpless, humiliated and sad. (...)  I know that the studio made a lot of cuts against the wishes of the writers and director. Most of the cuts concerned further development of the secondary characters.  Since my main problems are with the portrayal of Aeon and Trevor, I doubt that I'd have liked the longer version much better. I didn't when I read the script, and there are definitely some things I'm glad WERE cut-- like Catherine's pregnancy.   Maybe the makers didn't understand the source material and thought they were being true to it; or they understood it, but didn't think it would appeal to a wide enough audience and altered it to suit their presumed target.  They claim to love the original version;  yet they do not extend that faith to their audience. No, they will soften it for the public, which isn't hip enough to appreciate the raw, pure, unadulterated source like they do.  (...) Presuming to know what an audience wants to see and tailoring the product to fit is a method that sucks all the drive I'd have to ever create anything.  It's self-defeating disingenuous.  I'm not naive about the realities of making unconventional films in the arena of "mass entertainment". It's possible to make good unconventional films; it's also very hard. In any case, if you're going to risk failure, I say do it boldly, with conviction. The problem with the movie is its failure of nerve.

But Chung never seems to have gotten the chance to direct a wholly original project again. The remainder of his work is adaptations or franchise work, with various big productions reaching out to him to put a stylish auteur’s spin on their IP.

The first of these is a short film bridging the gaps between the two Riddick movies.

Riddick? Riddick is a series of sci-fi action movies featuring Vin Diesel as a space criminal. I admit, I haven’t seen them! They weren’t especially successful at the time, but became cult films, kind of present in nerd culture back in the 2000s... and kind of forgotten since. The first movie, Pitch Black, sees Riddick and co on a pilgrim ship which crash lands on an alien planet, where they have to survive. The second, The Chronicles of Riddick, opens with Riddick in hiding from bounty hunters. However did he get there? Telling us is Chung’s job!

The Chronicles of Riddick: Dark Fury is a 35 minute short animated film, created at Universal Animation Studios, which specialise in direct-to-video films. This was the first time that Chung worked with Robert Valley, who would later become well known for his two films in Love Death and Robots (Animation Night 99); fortunately this being a franchise entry does not overwrite that distinctive Chung/Valley style, as seen in this distinctive fight scene animated along with Jorden Oliwa and Lee Hong. It’s full of cool distorted perspectives in the drawings and distinctive layouts.

Chung next appeared three years later, on another franchise spinoff, titled Revisioned: Tomb Raider, a compilation series bringing on a variety of comics artists and writers to put their own spin on the game. This was supposed to be the first in a whole series of Revisioned projects based on games, but in the end it seems only one was ever made. Chung provided designs and scripts for the first three episodes. They’re all available on Youtube, starting here...

Videogame spinoff animations have a curious quality: they tend to have exceptionally lavish animation with all the videogame $$$ coming in, but often feel quite limited by being a promotion - more on that when I talk about Trigger’s Cyberpunk anime sometime soon. I’ll be interested to see how Chung handles this one.

Another three year gap later in 2010 and Chung directs his only feature-length film, Firebreather, adapting an Image comic about teenagers battling kaiju in CG. It sounds honestly... pretty plain by Chung’s standards, without much to distinguish it in either animation or the energy of the story. It seems to have disappeared without really making a splash.

In 2012 comes another brief videogame promotion, this time for Diablo.

In both this and Tomb Raider, Chung seems to have moved away from his earlier unshaded style; this one especially skews much more to ‘Western animation taking after anime’. There is, sadly, very little of that Peter Chung flair to be seen, and honestly I wouldn’t have guessed he was involved: it’s just a string of fight scenes.

The next year, Chung started working as a teacher at USC School of Cinematic Arts, where he remained ever since. It’s not quite the end of his creative output in animation, since he did produce the titles for Victor and Valentino (2019), most likely because the author of the original comic book sees him as a huge influence and asked directly. And that’s it, basically! A complete slice through the creations of the Aeon Flux guy...

What’s the plan tonight? Essentially the cross-section of Peter Chung works presented above: we’ll watch a fair chunk of Alexander Senki, and then have a look at everything since. If people are in the mood we might even rewatch a bit of Aeon Flux!

So! Let’s go! Animation Night 125 will be starting shortly, at https://twitch.tv/canmom - hope to see ya there ^^

#animation night #peter chung #aeon flux #alexander senki #reign the conqueror

[chaosintheavenue]

On the origin of Trin

The first tentative concept Picrew of the character that would become Trin was saved to my laptop on April 16th 2022, and I made a note to myself at the time that the vague concept of the character had been around for about a month at that point. So, we'll consider today, March 16th, to be Trin's first anniversary of existing!

To mark the occasion, I've decided on a total whim to lay out the timeline of Trin's development from the first idea I had, to the character she is today.

Beginnings

Fittingly, Trin technically started her 'life' as three people- triplets, to be exact. I decided that I wanted two of my VB peeps (a Cipher and a BoS guy) to have a child to continue the Ciphers arc into the post-NV era in my convoluted Fallout headcanon universe. I wanted to make a trigonometry reference, and so for the sake of that, the one child quickly became three. I'm not the most mathematically-minded or original, so of course these triplets were intended to be named Sine, Cosine and Tangent.

The triplets got very limited character development, especially since in the one (1) scene I ever pictured them in, they were about two years old. I didn't decide genders or much personality-wise, but I did set out that Sine and Cosine were identical 'twins', Tangent was not identical to them, and that reflected in their personality as they felt conflicted identity-wise and tried to strike out on their own. The main thing I did determine was some details of their physical appearances, with Tangent having short black hair and the other two having longer blonde hair.

Three Become One

At some point after creating the trigonometry triplets, I realised that adding three new interlinked main characters and trying to follow their arcs in the meticulous detail I always do would be simply too much to keep up with. I'd secretly started to favour Tangent and they'd already received a bit more development than the others, so I decided to focus on them and have Sine and Cosine occasionally crop up as background characters.

Soon after this, for reasons I don't entirely remember, I decided to do away with the triplet idea altogether, just have one BoS/Cipher character, and renamed the concept of what had been Tangent to Trinity (bonus fact: it's now canon in-universe that Trin was almost named Tangent as a baby). Still no gender or characterisation yet, and I still only pictured the character as a young child.

First Sightings

And so now we come to April 16th 2022. The first ever image of Trin:

(link to the Picrew)

This was also the very first time I envisioned Trin as an adult. I wasn't really getting any strong gender vibes, and had an inkling that the character would turn out to be some variation on the theme of nonbinary.

I continued adding small details and rotating Trin, as I now began to call them, in my brain for a while, and to my mild surprise she soon informed me that she's a cis woman (honestly, that still sometimes surprises me lol).

On May 29th came the first instance of Trinposting! I posted this mysterious drawing of a new character I'd been developing.

To Appalachia

I've always struggled to create new characters on demand for a particular purpose (which is why a lot of my player character OCs start out with a 'placeholder' version, and some unknown length of time later suddenly get more development). The creation of Trin happened to come at a convenient time for me, as I'd been contemplating attempting a new playthrough of Fallout 76 for several months. One day in June, the inspiration suddenly struck me hard to get this playthrough on the road now, and my mind happeend to be thoroughly immersed in Trin at the time, so naturally I decided to play as her. I originally considered just using an AU version of her due to 76 being set so early in the timeline, but I'm no stranger to altering canon for my own needs, and so in-universe, Trin arrived in West Virginia in 2295.

In-game, this was one of her first nights above ground. In-universe, I consider this the earliest canon screenshot of Trin, taken on her very first night in Appalachia (all the Vault stuff had to go considering her amended origin)

When I first started the playthrough, Trin was very much still primarily a blank slate of a character. She had an established backstory, but not a lot in the way of personality, talents, opinoins, and the likes. After I'd been playing for a week or so, had got to grips with the game mechanics and was no longer solely focused on survival, she really began to show herself through the in-game choices I was making.

On Sexuality

I don't remember at what point I decided/was 'told' by Trin that she was aroace, but I do know that I never much thought about her orientation prior to that and would never have considered anything else to fit her. Getting personal for a second: Looking back, it feels very coincidental that this took place not long before I myself finally figured out I'm aro as well as ace, and I feel like my exploration of aromantic-ness (aromanticism?) through the lens of Trin played a bigger role in my discovery of that than I've ever previously really acknowledged.

Becoming Crunchy

By August, she was much more developed and had become thoroughly enmeshed in the 76 world, and I, being the same plague-obsessed Chaos as always, decided it was high time to Scorch her.

From here, a lot happened plot-wise, but the basic characterisation of Trin has remained more or less constant. She left Appalachia for around a year in-universe to focus on trying to recover, eventually came back with a friend and some new scars across her face, built a mini settlement, entangled herself further in WV and its factions, made yet more friends and re-encountered some old ones, aaand most recently cut her hair.

Trin as she is now:

I'm still thoroughly obsessed with Trin, and don't foresee that changing in the near future! She's very quickly overtaken all of my other OCs to have the highest populated tag on my blog, and that will probably continue for Some Time lol. I just wish I could kick myself into gear to write up more of her story hgfdfgf.

#Trin #random detailed meta #I originally called the last section 'Assuming Her Final Form' but who knows if this *is* her final form lol

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

I keep forgetting to post this, but luckily I remembered before the chapter was up too long! But this is a bit of a spoilery, explanation post I wrote up a week or so ago about my Bowuigi fic, Luigi and the Beast. If you’ve not read that fic, this post will make no sense, ha. Anyway, without any further ado…

Hey everyone!!! So, as part of my Bowuigi fic, Luigi and the Beast, there are some magical elements that may be confusing to the average reader. However, a lot of these elements will not be revealed in the story for quite some time, since it doesn’t make sense for Luigi (our POV character) to know any of this early on. However! I know that it can be frustrating for some people to read something and not know what is going on. So! I decided to write down my plans for how the magic curse on Bowser works, since it is very different than the curse in the original Beauty and the Beast.

HOWEVER!!! PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS WILL CONTAIN MAJOR, MAJOR SPOILERS FOR THE FIC! IF YOU DO NOT LIKE SPOILERS AT ALL, PLEASE TURN BACK NOW!!

Now, no shame to those who want to read this! But I don’t want someone looking at this, thinking it’s like minor spoilers, and then getting upset when some major plot points get spoiled. Nothing in the actual plot gets spoiled here, but it will likely reduce some tension in some scenes, and it will make it easier to see where I’m going with some of my later choices in this fic. Which is part of why I’m writing this, since I know not knowing can be frustrating for some people! But I know that getting spoiled can be frustrating for others, so I just wanted to have a disclaimer, ha.

But now that you have all been warned… here’s the explanation of the curse put on Bowser and his castle. :-)

Right! So, I knew I did not want this to follow the original story in that Bowser is actually a ~~~beautiful human~~~ who got turned into a ~~~~horrible beast~~~~. Ugh. Belle needs to get with the times, beasts need love too!! Ha, I joke, but I really didn’t want to have that be the curse. But there has to be a curse for this AU to work, so I had to come up with something else.

As such, I came up with this. It honestly didn’t take me long to think of it, since it’s fairly simple:

Bowser is under house arrest.

Basically, a nebulous Star Person saw what Bowser was going to become and was like “yeah, that ain’t good,” and they decided to test Bowser to see if he was irredeemable or not. I won’t spoil the exact scene, since I may write about it, but basically… the Star Person deemed he was irredeemable. And so, they put a spell on the castle that trapped all current inhabitants and loyal followers of Bowser inside, including his children.

However, on top of being trapped in the castle, everyone outside of the castle completely forgot about Bowser. After all, what is the worst curse for a power hungry megalomaniac? Being absolutely forgotten. Anyone who interacted with Bowser regularly (like Peach’s father, the former King) just forgot what he looked like and was persuaded to not really think about him much or worry about him. Anyone who didn’t know him directly or only met him a few times (like Peach), however, completely forgot about him. All portraits and depictions of him were erased and no one has any memory of him at all.

This is why Toadsworth couldn’t tell that the drawing of Bowser was of Bowser. His memory of him was purposely blurred by the Star Person. The only reason Peach knew his description was because her father wrote about it, and the Star Person didn’t erase the description (mostly for Plot Purposes, but if you want an in universe reason, it’s because the Star Person didn’t want to erase the King’s private journals to Peach, possibly because they knew that it might lead to Bowser one day getting reformed. Honestly, it’s mainly for Plot Purposes, ha). It’s up to y’all if you want the same to have happened to everyone in the castle, since I’ve not really decided on that yet.

Oh! And the castle was disguised by the Star Person to make sure that no one tried to find Bowser unless they truly wanted to find him. This is why the castle looks so worn down and dilapidated and all, but it actually isn’t.

Finally, because this is Star Magic, it’s not something magikoopas can fix, to Bowser’s frustration. He’s spent ten years trying (and failing) to end the curse.

Speaking of ending the curse…

!!!!!!!!!THIS NEXT PART IS MAJOR SPOILERS AND WILL SPOIL LIKE… AT LEAST PART OF THE ENDING, SO READ AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION!!!!!!!!!

Anyway… instead of the curse getting broken by someone falling in love with Bowser (since he is very much loved by his family, and he very much loves his family, and familial love is just as important as romantic love, thank you very much), the curse is broken when Bowser “makes the ultimate sacrifice for someone he loves.” It’s to prove that he can actually be willing to give up absolutely anything for someone else, proving that he is not irredeemable. And despite how much he loves his children, he never was able to make that ultimate sacrifice (which may or may not be what y’all are thinking, ha).

OH! I forgot to mention, but only Bowser (and Kamek, for reasons that get explained in the fic in roundabout ways) know about this. Everyone else in the castle was just told that a Star Person cursed them for "some reason," which they accepted as fact since they all trust Bowser. They don't know that Bowser was the cause, or that he technically holds the answer, since Bowser's pride prevents him from telling anyone.

Anyway, that’s it! I don’t want to go into too much more detail to prevent too many spoilers, but this is the basic magic curse behind the whole fic. No “Bowser was turned into a horrible monster!!!” Instead it’s more “Bowser was gonna be naughty and put into time out preemptively.”

Hope this makes sense! :-D

#Personal Post #Kinda #L&tB