#my first review in months wooo

[methodrones]

album review : their satanic majesties' second request

released: june 1996

genre: psychedelic rock

and here we are to one of bjm's most popular albums! i think it's pretty solid, though i can't think of every track off the top of my head or anything like that, so i'll have to see after going through it. of course, this is the album that holds anemone, so it makes sense that it would be so popular. but let's dive in!

all around you - intro

this is the same as the outro, but we have a fun little voiceover to the music... this is for sure anton talking out of his ass but i love it. i think this is definitely somewhat inspired by the intro of sing this all together ( the first track off the rolling stones' album, their satanic majesties request ) which is also cool. i mean obviously, the album is literally named after it. this is giving kind of culty vibes and i'm surprised i've never actually listened to this? i reaaaally like the voiceover it's giving me everything, his voice slowly becoming more and more manic. good shit! i really enjoyed this, especially the lyrics like "the love we share / it's a secret for everyone." very much enjoyed...

rating: 9/10

cold to the touch

it's been a loooong time since i listened to this song. this is giving 60s, it's really good lol. and the tambourine ofc <3 but the chorus is great, the 'wooo!' is fun. i love when they just yell random shit. solo slaps as always, there will never be a bjm solo i don't love i think ... also anton's kind of whispered voice is reminding me of matt hollywood, i wonder if he wrote this song. i wouldn't be surprised, it's got that very sultry vibe matt's songs usually bring. but, who knows! good song, i enjoyed it much more than the last times i've heard it.

rating: 9/10

donovan said

the beat on this one is really good, very eastern inspired for sure. which i guess makes sense that something like in india you would be on this album lmao, i forgot how much this album brings in that sound. "she took just a tiny sip / now she's starting to trip" I LIKE THESE LYRICS. and the way anton sings "i wonder what she sees in you" ughhhhh it's good ... i've always enjoyed this song, the way the lines are sang and how it all flows together, and the soloooooo?!?? i can't tell if it's a synth or like an actual violin or something ... either way i really like it. so i'd give this one a good rating! it's not my fav on this album, but i do listen to it every now and again.

rating: 8/10

in india you

speaking of in india you ... here we have it again! it's soooo much better suited to this album than methodrone idk what was going on with that decision but, yk. whatever. the song itself is pretty good, the name is self explanatory when listening to it lol. the little beat drop is good, i like the vocals ... this is probably the same shit i said on it earlier tho ( unless i just complained about it, which i might've done ). probs my least fav so far but it's not bad or anything like that.

rating: 7/10

no come down

MATT HOLLYWOOD! i listened to this song for the first time like two months ago and i really enjoyed it, but, again. matt. his voice does hit every time and the tambourine coming in ... phewwww. the riff is good and i like some of these lyrics. and the switch up then it going back to being slow?! i love it. his vocals on the "if there's a god in heaven" are good i fuckin love his voice UGH. it's not even like his voice is that amazing it just has this quality to it i really enjoy. also i like the line "i got the holy spirit breathing down my neck" his little religious lyrics are fun, the second switch up is really good. anyway kind of a long song, almost six minutes, it does feel a little long but overall it's a solid track!

rating: 8/10

(around you) everywhere

okay synth ?! very short kind of interlude, sounds very similar to all around you. it's giving their satanic majesties request lol. the horns are good, but yk, it's just ... instrumentals. not much to comment on here. also my spotify fucking crashed right after this song played that's weird. thanks ANTON.

raring: 5/10

jesus

I FUCKIN LOVE THIS SONG. for me this is absolutely a hit, i think every single part of it works so well and all of the different solos make me go crazy. the lyrics and the way they're sung are also??? SO GOOD???? "missed my connection to the second resurrection / on a close up inspection / i lost my direction" WHAT THE FUCKKKK the lyrics have no right being this amazing. i do think this song is a little long, at least for me personally, but truthfully every other part makes up for it so ... it gets an extra point from me. god the soloing is just so fucking good. "i turned to jesus when i lost all my friends / and the good times all ended, with my money i spent it" idk something about the way this shit is sung makes me go insane. then the "have mercy please jesus" being sung in the background of the outro solo.... fuuuuuuck.

rating: 10/10

before you

another kind of short interlude, longer than (around you) everywhere tho. again with the eastern kinda influence! honestly i don't have much to say on this, it's alright. it gets a shrug.

rating: 5/10

miss june '75

ohhhhhhhhhhhhHHHHHHHHH. matt. matt matt matt you never cease to amaze me with your songwriting. this is a matt hollywood song through and through and i fucking adore it. it's slow, sensual, has the matt-esque suggestiveness of it all ... yeah. i know these lyrics by heart not even gonna lie and this is a fun, but simple, love song to play on guitar. do you want to hear me talk about solos again? because the solos in this song are great. anyway we get to the kind of main course and i really love the line "the way she dances makes me lose my mind" ughhhhh.... idk. something about it! his voice is so good here. i will say i usually skip the rest after "the two brightest stars up in heaven" just bc it's literally matt singing about having sex but. yk. interesting listen! very long song, but if you just listen to the first five minutes you'll be good and get the gist.

anemone

the greatest hit on this album, the most popular bjm song ... anemone! i actually have no clue who sings this one, i heard it was anton's wife, katy, but idk what was going on in 1996 so i can't really say that with any sort of confidence. anyway this song is just great. do i even have to describe why??? the intro, the riff, the solos, the bass. the tambourine literally makes this song what it is. and the vocals are great, i really like her voice. i also like this song live, it's soooooo good, i think i may actually prefer anton's voice on this track but the studio version really is great. the outro with anton and her singing "now that you're not around," UGHHH so good. this was the first bjm song i ever heard and what i think should be most people's first foray into the band! it pretty much perfectly encapsulates their sound. so, obvs, this gets a perfect score.

rating: 10/10

baby (prepraise)

another random instrumental ... yeah. idk why this reminds me of something that would be in the shining LOL.

rating: 5/10

feelers

mooooore eastern type stuff. idk if that's a sitar or what but i like the sound! i am not actually sure i've ever heard this song, very simple lyrics tho. i honestly don't have much to say, it's my least favorite on this album up until this point. another shrug.

rating: 6/10

bad baby

interesting little intro. interesting song in general ... i do like it tho, it's kind of soft and has a nice beat. the vocals are also good! this is pretty long, like eight minutes long, which i don't love but. whatcha gonna do. also has a percussion ass outro which is pretty cool. but this gets the same amount of love from me as feelers did.

rating: 6/10

cause, i lover

I DIDN'T EVEN RECOGNIZE THIS AT FIRST it's from thank god for mental illness ... or i guess technically it's from this album but it appears again a little differently on the next album. i really like this song!!! it's short and sweet but very country ish. good stuff.

rating: 9/10

(baby) love of my life

short ass instrumental again. literally i have nothing to say here! not too huge a fan of these types of tracks tho.

rating: 5/10

slowdown (fuck tomorrow)

weird track .... it feels very beatles. it's alright, not loooving it or anything like that but it does align pretty well with the 60s feeling a lot of this stuff is going for. not much more to say!

rating: 6/10

here it comes

i really like this song!! it's not too long, and the music is great and so are the vocals. very calm and vibey ... the lyrics are also cool, it's just overall a good song, not my favorite on the album but definitely a nice one to listen to. that solo too ... UGH!

rating: 9/10

all around you - outro

this is the all around you i usually listen to! but i may have to start taking a listen to the intro one too lol. it's pretty much the same exact song minus the voiceovers, with some other changes. i think they probably could've left one of these off the album, it doesn't seem all that needed to put the same song on here twice, but hey ... i like this one, surprisingly i like the intro one better tho!

rating: 8/10

to crazy to care - bonus track

this song is ALSO on thank god for mental illness, it's a good one and i love it!! i don't think it's necessarily fit to be on this album, but it's a bonus track and apparently with bonus tracks bjm doesn't give a shit. clearly. look at spacegirl... ANYWAY good, short song!! i'll go into it more on the next review.

rating: 9/10

there we have the album! this album was a little longer than the previous one, but not by much. i don't think i've ever listened to it all the way through like this, so it definitely put the whole thing into perspective for me. there's a lot of psychedelic rock vibes and eastern influence in here, it's a great album, mostly the misses lie with the interludes though. i don't think they were all that needed, or they could've been a little more interesting. the first half was also better than the second half in my opinion. but either way, this was very good! i actually have a greater love for this album now having heard all the genres and themes tie in together.

hits: anemone, jesus, miss june '75

misses: feelers, bad baby, all of the interludes

overall album score: 8.5/10

there we have it! next up is thank god for mental illness, which i've been looking forward to this whole time. expect it soon!!

#( album review ) #their satanic majesties' second request

[mslilyth]

Proud of this particular one, it's a month old but might aswel put it here for anyone that is interested. idk.

Had a good day of studying, finished doing my communication subject summary and now I just need to study study study study... it's boring but it's my first year in orthopedagogy and this is the most theory I'll have, next 2 years are supposed to be more practical.

Started a few episodes of Love, deaths & robots and it's sooo cool, I recommend it!

I got a camera from a friend that studies photography, she couldn't be annoyed to get this ancient charger (cuz you gotta take the battery out of it), but I'm used to doing it with a better camera and hey, a camera's a camera.

It's an Olympus mju 1040. Not gonna pretend I know that much about cameras but reviews says it's alright, especially for how tiny it is. The charger I ordered for it on amazon hasn't arrived yet but I'm patient (I'm not, just good at hiding it). I'm excited to make photos with it, but can't do it too much since.. my exams are starting the 15th! Wooo, but I'll be fine, I won't do as bad as my previous years, this year is the year!!

-Lilyth

#photgraphy #life #exams #studying #street photography #january #winter #netflix #love death and robots

[lenskij]

Soniah Kamal: Unmarriageable

Review • 4.75/5

Pakistan is a perfect fit for a modern retelling of the beloved Pride and Prejudice. The characters were beautifully human, and their motives were so perfectly clear: why did Mrs. Binat insist so much on her daughters getting married? Why was it so upsetting for her, that Alysba declined Dr Kaleen's proposal? Why did Sherry instead agree to marry him? And why was it a true family emergency, when Lady ran away with Wickaam?

Unmarriageable was obviously written for a foreign (Western) audience, and the feminist Alysba was an excellent medium for explaining the culture for those in the unknown. The reader never once forgot where the story is set: the endless description of food and clothes made sure of it.In addition to the P&P plot, the book also discusses the influence of English culture (colonisation) in Pakistan, with a special attention to how society values English literature more than local literature. I also loved the tongue-in-cheek references to P&P.

Because this is a retelling, the book assumes the reader is familiar with P&P from before. And although I knew how the book would end (spoiler alert: Alysba and Darsee will obviously end up happy together), I was drawn in by the characters' warmth and energy. I enjoyed this book immensely.

#my first review in months wooo #the library's plastic cover made it difficult to make a good pic of the book but i like my reviews with a picture #i had so much fun reading this like 'heehee here comes darsee with that godawful proposal' #it's not fully 5/5 because it didn't really reach the emotional weight i want my 5/5 books to have #but the Storygraph allows quarter stars ratings hihi #anyway thank you for reading!! #book review #booklr #liz reviews #soniah kamal #unmarriageable #pride & prejudice

[shnuggletea]

More of the AWARD WINNING FANFICTION! Wooo I don't see myself getting tired of that. Thank you all for voting, reading, reviewing, and just being amazing people in general. Cause even if all you did was read, you still made my day. I write to share and to have you guys come back and say "we love what you're doing there" really makes me want to keep on. My ego is going to get so big guys, I'm not even kidding. Thank you @feudalconnection for hosting and to everyone that took the time to read, nominate, and vote!

Many of you expressed... interest in some loving between the lovely couple. This chapter has my response to that! Get ready for some heat!

Fanfiction HERE

AO3 HERE

Chapter Eleven

"So Kagome, how are things?"

Maten sat across from her, next to Inuyasha who had graced them with his presence for this meal. A rare occurrence and now Maten and his brother sat with them as well. Their table was getting so full.

"I'm fine. How are you? Your bones have healed nicely."

He chuckled and blushed slightly. Her eyes danced to Inuyasha just in time to catch him rolling his eyes. Hiten sat his elbows on the table and rubbed his hands together as if making up a master plan. "Have you been in the basement lately?"

She wasn't really sure what she was allowed to say about that, again glancing at Inuyasha who gave her a small shake of his head. "Yeah, a little."

"Naraku's going to be really gunning for you then. That prick, it's not like you have a choice." Maten growled.

"They still have you going into the basement? Why didn't you tell us, Kagome?"

Shippo's eyes were large and glistening as if saddened not to be in the loop. She quickly patted his head affectionately. "Oh, it's so… boring and gross down there. I didn't think it was a big deal."

The things one has to tell children to keep them appeased. Shippo smiled again and wagged his tail. It was so adorable, she couldn't stop herself from also giving him a fierce hug. Kagome just didn't understand why Inuyasha was frowning so deeply when she looked at him again. Miroku was grinning like the cat that got the canary. But that wasn't really anything new, he always had that face when Inuyasha was upset. A strange Ying-Yang the two of them were.

Miroku was still looking at Inuyasha out of the corner of his eye when he leaned his face onto his palm, his elbow resting on the table. "And Koga has left you alone as well, right? Since becoming my woman?"

Inuyasha cringed as did Maten. The two of them looked at one another for a silent moment but it was full of disdain as if sizing one another up. All of that was then turned onto Miroku, still grinning like a fool while two powerful demons glared down at him.

A distraction was needed big time. "So uh… do you guys celebrate Christmas in here?" That did it, all eyes on Kagome in shock before bursting into laughter. All except Shippo who, sadly, just looked confused. "A simple 'no' would suffice." She muttered.

"What's Chriksmas?"

They sobered at that, Shippo's small voice questioning made them all morose, Kagome the most. But then it made her determined, jumping up from her seat and pumping a fist up towards her chest. "I'm going to make Christmas come this year!"

"How? We all know you're 'magical' but unless you got a unicorn hidden up your ass…" Inuyasha started but then stopped and she realized it was because he was now staring at her butt.

Hopping over her chair, she only stumbled a little bit. "I have my ways! Just you wait and see!"

Storming away, she didn't stop until she was standing before the Warden's office door. She hadn't really thought up of a plan at all but Shippo's confused voice kept playing over and over in her head. Christmas was meant to be spent with loved ones. Full of joy and presents and cake and fried chicken… okay so she seriously doubted she could get all those things but it was worth a try.

The guards in the hall had barely noticed her existence so when they suddenly shifted and tensed, she noticed, only to get grabbed hard by her bicep and dragged away from the door. Even without seeing his wild, white hair, she knew who it was. Cause no one else dared to mess with her lately or as much as Inuyasha did.

"Are you NUTS?! Leave it alone, Kagome!"

"Did you see Shippo's face?!"

He stopped now that they were out of earshot of the Warden's door and the few guards nearby. "Yes. It's the same look on all the younger one's faces when you mention things like Christmas, holidays in general, or birthdays. But it ain't worth whatever the Warden is gonna ask you for in return for some shitty decorations and bullshit gifts!"

Bowing her head, she knew he was right. "It's just… not right."

"There's a lot of shit in here that ain't right, Mate."

She giggled a little, even though she was still sad. "You know, we don't share a cell anymore. We aren't cellmates so I'm not your Mate."

"Aren't you?"

Confused, she pulled her eyes from his chiseled chest to his face, finding him completely serious. They were really close, when had they gotten so close? Had they been like this since he stopped dragging her? She hadn't even noticed or cared. Inuyasha's attention was the only attention she ever wanted but it was rare and fleeting. This was the first time they had been alone since he showed her his weakness almost a month ago.

She studied his eyes, watching the golden color of them as they burned like coals in a fire. And he studied hers, dancing, twitching left and right. It wasn't until the pad of his thumb brushed her cheekbone that her heart picked up its pace, galloping inside her chest. He glanced down, right at her heart, telling her he heard it. It didn't deter or stop him, his claws gently scratching her scalp as he dug his fingers into her hair. Wearing it up, as he suggested, he couldn't get very deep. It forced him to place his paw on top of her strands, seeming irritated about it until he began rubbing the shell of her ear with his thumb.

"You are so… " He started but then stopped. "Koga isn't bothering you anymore, is he?"

With his face an inch or so from hers and his warm breath covering her skin as he spoke, the question felt so strange. Given the reason Koga left her alone was thanks to Miroku stroking her ass daily. "Y… yyeah."

"Good." For some reason, that caused him to drop his touch and step away. "Then the plan is working."

He was a foot away when two demons turned onto the hall they had been sharing, looking over the shell shocked Kagome with little interest and continuing on their way. Inuyasha kept on, not looking back with his hands shoved in his pockets. But she swore she saw him shaking.

oOo

Inuyasha was right, she couldn't go to the Warden for something as silly as Christmas decorations. But she could make some gifts.

No one took note of the silly White as she carefully scoured the yard, the early, cold December air not keeping anyone from their time in the open. She was pretty sure Demons weren't bothered by things like temperature. Kagome had to keep moving or freeze to death, which helped with her cover as she looked for anything worthwhile around the yard, the infirmary, even the shitty 'crafts' room that had more cobwebs than a haunted house. She was pretty sure there were some ghosts inside it too.

The few that looked her way didn't seem to care or find it strange that the yard was littered with teeth. It had freaked her out at first but since no one showed any interest when she picked a few up, Kagome had to assume they were shed naturally or something. They weren't very large, not much longer than the Kanine from a human's mouth. Most showed how little dental hygiene was taken seriously, the teeth porous and decayed straight through in places. But being a demon tooth, they all had survived past some damage and were strong as well as pearly white.

Using the odd things she found around; teeth, beads, pretty rocks, and surgical thread, Kagome felt pretty good about her offerings. They weren't anything special but they were better than nothing!

The 'craft' room also had a few scraps of pretty paper she used to wrap her gifts as well as make a handful of paper cranes. Which gave her an idea.

There were far too many children in the place but she was able to gather them all up. One of the benefits of being 'the doctor' she knew all of them when she made them come for a check-up. A few were still angry for the shots she gave them but they needed to be immunized with the runes making them susceptible to disease. The ones that had been inside since before they could remember, or who had an adult to ask for them, got shots. None of them had a parent in here with them and shivered at the thought.

Luckily, there weren't too many otherwise Kagome wouldn't have gotten approval for the drugs. And she would have probably gone into a depressed spiral if there were a lot of children who had never seen the 'outside' before.

She didn't dare think about the ones that weren't lucky enough to make it into this prison, taken by Shikon instead.

Now, surrounded by blue, their eyes were rapt with fascination as she taught them how to make paper cranes. Bright colored paper that matched their bright hair or eyes or skin. One little girl had pretty dark pink skin with beautiful golden hair. The 'craft' room was nearly overflowing with origami paper and she had to assume they used to use it as some kind of therapy for the more violent inmates.

Even with a few funky, Kagome and the children made long strands of cranes that they ran around to hang anywhere they could. If they didn't get ripped down by a Guard or pissy Demon, then she hoped the decorations would stay up year-round.

They really brightened up the place.

Down to her last strand, she slowly approached Inuyasha's cell, everyone stuck inside thanks to the rain outside. He sat on his bed, as usual, book in his hands. She crept up but she knew he was aware of her, his ears flipping back and dipping to his skull. She had to assume he did that to try and hide the small twitch they did, which he failed, the tips dancing ever so slightly as she carefully made it to the open bars.

Taking her eyes off him for a second, she got up on her toes and tied the bright, rainbow-colored strand to the top of his cell bars, making sure to knot it tight for when the door closed later that night.

When she fell back to her heels, there was no shock that his eyes were on her. She had felt them go to her as soon as she tipped up on her toes. They were wide and quivering. "Merry Christmas, Inuyasha."

Amber orbs shot back to the cranes then pushed back to his book. He said nothing and again she wasn't shocked. Nor offended. In the last eight months, she had learned how Inuyasha worked. And she knew exactly how he felt when he said nothing.

He was happy. And that terrified him.

oOo

It was interesting, now that Kagura had a small bump, how the crowds parted for her. It was as if the other Demons were enamored, the life that grew inside Kagura more than just a baby demon. Kagome could see it in their eyes as Kagura passed.

The baby was treasured.

And not just by its parents, Sesshomaru never showed emotion except when around Kagura now. It melted Kagome's heart, watching as Sess protected Kagura from zero threats, sat her down, and either made her eat or comforted her in some manner. Today, it was to rub her shoulders, sitting her in his lap while the others gossiped around the picnic table.

Using her shirt, Kagome had all the gifts she's made tossed into the 'bowl' she created. It made the frigid air waft up her belly and ribs so she was trying to hurry, tossing the crudely wrapped presents to all those who sat at the table. Kagome was glad the creepy teenager had stopped hanging out with Kagura's group, she didn't make her a gift.

It was seconds later that Jakotsu, Kanna, Kagura, and even Sesshomaru were holding up the strands that held one demon tooth and a few pretty beads around it.

"Oooooooh no one has given me jewelry before! Does it usually look this… dull?" Jakotsu wined but Kagome expected that.

Sesshomaru ignored the noise, looked sternly up at her, but that was how he always looked. "This is truly an amazing gift. I'm surprised you could pull this off in here."

He didn't say any more, putting his on quickly and fixing Kagura's on. The other two looked confused but given Sesshomaru's eagerness, they followed suit.

Crossing the yard, she gave Miroku, Shippo, Maten, and Hiten theirs. She put three teeth on Shippos just in case. The rest of the Demons didn't give a care, not receiving a gift. Which was why she felt the fire on the back of her neck, glancing behind to find Koga glowering at her. He couldn't seriously think she would give him anything after all he did to her and her friends?

Inuyasha was nowhere in sight, a usual occurrence as of late, but she wasn't going to give him his gift in public anyway. She understood his angry distance but that didn't mean she wanted his cruelty when she handed him the gift she worked hard on for weeks. Even if it was faked.

He would be stopping by the infirmary in a couple of days anyway, new moon and all.

After they put them on, Kagome insisted they all put the necklace under their shirts. She didn't know who in here knew the significance but if anyone knew it could spell trouble. Sesshomaru already had his crew hide them but not take them off. So he clearly understood and knew the value. He was an old Demon, that much was obvious. Kagome had no clue how many were as old as him in the prison. Or if the Warden was knowledgeable.

More than a gift, her presents were worth the risk in her mind. Especially if they worked as she hoped they did.

oOo

The hot shower had made her finger burn, getting so cold outside from handing out her presents it was a wonder she didn't get frostbite. As much as she hated the idea, Kagome was pretty sure she'd have to wait until Spring before she could go outside again.

It was still a few days away from Christmas but she knew she was going to freeze, going around handing them out. Freetime was her only chance and with everyone still heading outside, she hadn't had a choice. So she timed it with her shower day, planning to warm up immediately after.

Only getting the luxury three times a week, Kagome shared the shower with many other demons. Kanna stood next to her and Kagura was on the other side. The two didn't take as long as she did tonight, enjoying the steaming water more than usual. It warmed her all the way down to her shaking bones.

"I'm exhausted," Kagura moaned, looking over at Kagome, "you okay if I head out first?"

Kagome had no fears. "Of course! I'll see you tomorrow."

A few moments later and Kanna shut off her stream and wrapped a towel around herself. "I'm off," was all the quiet girl said and it was more than usual.

A female guard stood ideal, bored, while the rest either wrapped a little white towel around themselves tight or just walked around nude. Kagome was the former, covering her body from even female eyes but also caging in the residual warmth of the water on her heated skin. A few laughed oddly as they passed her, dressed again and out the door. It was weird, she was completely alone. Even the guard had left already but Kagome wasn't the one they needed to guard. All those that were in need of watch had left already.

She opened her locker and blinked a few times. Then quickly opened the one next to it. And the next. And then next. But they were all empty.

Her clothes were gone.

No one had gone out in White scrubs, she would have noticed that. Someone took them and did something with them. What, she didn't know but in her freaked out haze, she started searching all over the showers and in the lockers. But her clothes or the clothes of anyone else weren't there.

All she had was her towel.

The keys to the infirmary had been in her pocket so they were also missing. As much as she trusted running around all the other demons in a towel, she trusted the guards even less. They would probably take her infirmary keys away for good. Or make her do something terrible to get them to unlock the door. All of her clothes were in there as well. Kagome was well and screwed.

There was really only one choice and she wasn't sure it was all that good. Going to the door, she took a deep breath and the handle in her hand. Then she pulled with all her might and darted out. Not stopping, not even to look at the guards, Kagome moved as fast as her human legs would take her. It didn't help that she was wet and on her bare feet, it made cutting corners difficult as she slipped around on the tile floor. All the warmth she had gained from her shower was wasted, the jail not that warm to begin with and now she was running through it with nothing to speak of on her body.

She passed Demons, all stopping short of what they were doing to look at her. They were shocked. So was she, but she didn't stop. Especially when a few turned from what they were doing and started to follow her. She took a quick and panicked glance behind herself to see a handful of men creeping behind her. With their speed, they could easily catch her, they were just enjoying the chase.

Skidding around the last corner, she pushed her lungs and legs to their limit, grabbing the bars of the cell to swing herself inside. Inuyasha jumped upright and then to his feet, his book falling to the floor. "What the fuck?!"

"Clothes….stolen….shower…..no keys….." She panted.

Kagome wasn't sure Inuyasha could understand or if he was even listening, his eyes glazed over as he stared up and down her body. He shook his head hard and then shuffled towards the cell door. "And you came here?"

"Where else...could I go….?"

"I don't know, Kanna? Kagura? One of your female friends?! Hell, even Jakostu would have been safer!"

She honestly hadn't even considered it. Partly because she didn't know where their cells were other than on the other side of the prison from the showers. But mostly because Inuyasha was the one she trusted most.

Kagome tried to think of a reply, planning on just being honest when the gaggle of men following her appeared at the door. Inuyasha was the only thing between them and her and Kagome suddenly regretted coming here. It put Inuyasha at great risk.

Standing tall, he didn't hesitate to face the crowd, holding his head up high. He only moved if one of them tried to look around him to her, shifting his weight to keep her blocked from sight as much as possible. She stood still, frozen with worry and fear for her 'Mate' as he stood up for her in a very public manner.

"We saw her first." One growled.

"Doesn't fucking matter, cause I got her first," Inuyasha growled back.

Kagome felt like meat, the first time truly understanding how precarious her well being was here. All it took was some missing clothes and she was up for grabs. It was sickening and terrifying all at once.

A different one chuckled, "Then you should hand her over when you're done."

"Sharing is caring," another one mocked.

Stepping back, Inuyasha grabbed his cell door and slammed it shut in an impressive show of strength. It wobbled a little from the abuse, even with the runes in place, Inuyasha made thick iron shudder from his strength.

The group got the message and backed up. But stayed in eyesight, watching. It made her skin crawl.

Inuyasha stepped up to her, towering over Kagome and she simply looked up. Maybe he expected her to back up or cower but she had absolutely no fear of him even as his eyes glowed red in the dim room. Without saying a word, he pulled off his shirt and handed it to her. Kagome tried to take it without fumbling but Inuyasha's naked chest was before her. So close she could feel the heat of his skin on her arms and cheeks.

And he definitely had the body to support his show of strength.

"Put that on and get in the bed." She nodded, carefully getting her arms and head in while dodging the tucked end of her towel when she pulled it over her torso. "Under the sheets and don't come out."

She had the wet towel off and on the floor when she tiptoed to the bed. Inuyasha growled and took deep breaths behind her before she ducked under the sheet as ordered. When she rolled over to look at him, his eyes were still red and on her. He soon turned and stood by the door instead.

Watching his back, she was happy his hair was up on top of his head because his taut muscles were rolling with tension. It made her warm all over. But not enough, the cold bleeding through the walls. Kagome was cold on a regular evening with all her clothes on. Tonight, she was freezing.

It wasn't long until her shivering body had Inuyasha's attention again. "Goddammit." He fussed before turning on his heel and climbing into the bed next to her. "Face the wall!"

She had been watching him, unable to take her eyes off of him. At his harsh tone, she turned and looked at the white-painted cinder blocks instead. As soon as she settled, Inuyasha's arms surrounded her. There was no control, her body so cold she snuggled as deep as possible into his hold.

The lights went out and she knew the rabble after her was long gone. Warm and relaxed, she took in her situation completely. Inuyasha had one arm under her head between the gap of her neck and the mattress. The other hand rested on her belly, splayed fingers making it cover her from her belly button to her ribs. And she was naked, nothing other than Inuyasha's shirt on her skin. The shirt that he never replaced with another, his bare arms and chest pressing into her. It had their arms skin against skin.

All that and she felt nothing but safe, cocooned in the only person she truly and deeply trusted enough to be like this with. And Kagome didn't just mean inside the prison. Inuyasha was easily the only man she trusted in the world.

But he was still tense and she could tell it was more than just the situation that had him upset. She was about to ask, wiggling a little to get more comfortable when he whispered hard in her ear. "Be still!"

Stopping any and all movements, he sighed heavily and dropped a little of his anger. It probably wasn't going to get any better than this. "I'm sorry, Inuyasha. I know I put you at risk…"

"You're damn right you did. Why the hell did you come here?!"

"Because I…" she hesitated, not sure how he would take what she felt but he had to know it already, "I trust you."

His hold tightened, pressing her harder into his hard body. "I'm still a man dammit." She was very aware of that fact, feeling his manhood press into her backside currently. A very large manhood at that. "Of all the crazy stunts… this has to be the most emasculating thing anyone has ever done to me. You trust me? Great. Do you even see me as a man or just a fucking demon? Cause either one could and wants to do very bad things to you right now and I'm struggling to keep from doing all of it."

A shiver ran up her spine and she was anything but cold. Not with his body pressed to hers and his so-called threats in her ear. "I do think of you as a man…" He scoffed, making her bounce so he then groaned. "I do! Just because I trust you doesn't change that fact…"

"You are naive and stupid, Wench. You shouldn't trust anyone this much!"

Looking down, her human eyes could just make out the shape of his hand as it rested on her stomach. The muscles flexed and jumped with the tiny movements he made, trying to control himself. This was why she trusted him because she knew he wouldn't do a damn thing to her. And even if he did….

"I came to you because I trust you but also… because anything you could do to me would be… wanted."

It took him a second, either out of shock or confusion, but soon the hand on her belly fisted, taking fabric in with it. His claws scratched but didn't break her skin, once again showing the amount of control he possessed.

His head fell to the back of hers hard, pushing and nuzzling at the same time as he cleared away her damp hair and pressed his lips heavily to the back of her neck. She grabbed his hand, squeezing it just as tight as it gripped his shirt on her. A small shift and he had a hand on her shoulder, wrapped around from under her neck, holding her still against him as he continued to layer her neck with kisses. Each was slow and thick, coating her skin with warm wetness. Kagome closed her eyes to it, her spine shaking along with her heart.

Inuyasha made his way back up her neck, his mouth pressing to her lobe and pushing out a hard shiver from her. "This isn't… this isn't what I want for you and me… for us."

She didn't understand but then she did. Releasing her hold on his hand, she waited for him to let her go in return. "I understand."

The hand on her shoulder squeezed hard. "Do you? This is fucked up. So fucked up Kagome! Meeting you like this? When we aren't terrified of one another, we're terrified of what will be done to us!"

"How else would we have ever found one another? I don't believe in fairy tales. I'm not some little girl looking for an asshole on a white horse. I can take care of myself in any situation and I never needed you, Inuyasha…."

"I know that…"

"But I want you." He was silent, and his grip was unchanging. "I want you… as a friend and as more… as someone dear to me. You're a good person, Inuyasha and you deserve more than this life."

Shifting so quickly, she was breathless when Kagome found herself on her back, Inuyasha holding himself over her and his glowing red orbs piercing her. "Why are you saying this?! What are you going to do?!"

She hadn't meant to give herself away but as the days to Kagura's due date slipped away, she was running out of options. Kagome would have no choice if Inuyasha found out beforehand, he would take any means necessary to stop her.

So she reached up, cupping his cheek and he leaned into it, closing his eyes tight. "Nothing. I just think you need to hear it."

He fell back beside her, pulling her in tight to his side again with a heavy sigh. "I should get a Sainthood after this or something."

"You get Sainted after death. How about Knighthood instead?"

He chuckled, pressed a kiss to her temple, and she used his arm and chest as her pillow for the rest of the night. Because, even though friends, it would likely be the only night they had like this ever.

#inuyasha #inuyasha fanfiction #inuyasha fandom #inuyasha x kagome #prison AU #sharing one bed #some heat #award winner #faulkner writing #shnuggletea

[breakingbadfics]

A Change of Pace: Monster Prom. 1/2.

So I’m doing a weird review of Monster Prom, in preparation for a discussion of a relating pair of fanfictions written by SegaSister

I was gifted a copy of the game in the past month and I’d been planning to do a small essay discussing it after I was done with the pokemadhouse essay. the first hurdle to that of course is that I haven’t played Monster Prom. 

So doing a play through is necessary. Complete with stream of concious narration. 

it’s the 4th of january as I’m writing this and I have the game windowed and minimized while I write the pre-amble, and the first thing jumping out at me is that I really like the main menu music.

I have no prior experience in playing Dating Sims, closest I’ve come to one is barely started run of Kataw Shoujo from way in the old days of yore so this review may be lacking in things that one may expect to find in discussing a Dating Sim.

I started the game and was surprised to find the game has two versions of itself. a 30 minutes version, and a 60 minutes version. I opted upon the latter. as well as 4 different player characters, and the options to choose from one of three pronoun options rather than allow it to be dictated by the gender presentation of the character. 

In further preparation for the fanfiction and it subsequent ship I chose to play as Vicky Schmidt, a frankenstein’s monster homage with hopes of matching up with Polly Geist, a very cute ghost girl. 

The game presents you with 6 love interests in total..and I am suddenly in love all of them, and realise now that I have to play this game. A lot. 

The game also gives you a quiz to dictate in game stats. 

a pleasant surprise is all the swearing, and I’m not being facetious, I enjoy the weird sincerity in all the swearing. 

and so, having finished the quiz, and with 6 weeks until Prom. I begin my journey. 

I have no idea what I’m expecting here. 

I go to the library and gain money. 

My first dialogue choice comes in the form of the hipster vampire and the demon boy (Damien, because you have to make this reference.) have discovered I made erotic fanart of them. Which does present some present an ethical problem but clearly Damien has suppresed desires. 

He did respond well to my honesty. 

The writers can at least be said to be aware that it’s slightly concerning to make fanart of real life people. 

It is now that I realise. Liam and Polly are wearing chirstmas outfits, which means this game changes the art assets to match the holiday season. So the game gets bonuses for that. 

The character design in this game is wonderful, I have yet to meat anyone I don’t love looking at. 

How  do you host a school with members of the undead, and not realise they don’t eat?

and there you go. 

I kind of wanna date them both. 

I then proceed to dump a whold bunch of food into Liam’s plate, and then go get high with Polly. Not a bad day. 

Three weeks left to monster prom. 

So far the writing has a very silly, and self aware genre aware enjoyment of itself. I can already tell I’ll be playing this more than once. 

lunch time I go to sit with poly and vera (the resident gorgon)

and a man is paying them to eat food. 

I feel like I should be concerned. 

I feel afraid of just how much fanart of this might exist. 

Rave time

I encouraged Polly to try a date and under my advice she murdered a man by depriving him of food and water for 82 hours as they stared lovingly into each other eyes.  

I worry I may have created a lovely serial killer 

at lunch time I am quick to discover that Polly and Damien are having a comparison of their booze flasks. I am deeply shocked at all the alcohol that Poly has. and yet not that she managed to smuggle what amounts to a small bar shelf into a high school. 

This is what you sign up for when you attend monster high school I suppose. 

Damien has radioactive Absinthe, and I am feeling painfully woooed. 

I have chosen to drink a whole ass genie. because I am hardcore. 

Ha! it was a ruse. For I am not especially good at alcohol, but Damien being a literal hellspawn has no idea what water tastes like, and thus I win. 

Paella. it’s a spanish food dish. 

Also I’ve goofed up twice now on interactions with Polly. 

This school has everything except a varied series of gym activities. 

Damien and Polly have violated canadian law. And I am concerned. 

I begin week 6. Prom is soon. 

Oh. That happened. 

though that is in fact how I gained a +2 in fun. 

So far from what I can intuit you will always gain a stat benefit from the various activities you can attend in school. and the big risks of loosing them com from inadvertently picking the thing that appeals least to your love interest. 

Which suddenly makes me wonder whether or not there might be a bad ending where you end up alone on prom night. Though to be real the spirit of this game seems to be more in step that even if that happened you’d get into some friend hijinks with another person 

And thus the game hits prom night, and you get to pick who you want to go out with and to my shock you actually have an option to not ask anyone. 

I do want intend to pick someone, but I feel as though I should high light it, if simply because; for some reason this feels like breaking the rules. Mind you, again, I haven’t played that many dating sims, but dang, thats actually cool that you can play this entirely with out intent to get romantically involved with anyone. 

And then I went and picked. 

Fuck.

0/10. Will never play again. 

I’m joking. 

I rather enjoyed it, and am going to immediately try another playthrough.

The game is entrenched and marinated in the tropes of the high school comedy, and even comes complete with an end of game “montage” of sorts giving you the where are they now of everyone.  

I enjoy that the game never takes itself seriously. 

#Monster Prom

[sweetfirebird]

I don't follow any other authors so I thought I would ask you- what's the deal with Kindle Unlimited? Is it ripping off authors or are they fairly paid?

oh man. i don’t know that I am the one for this question. 

Caveat that I am not a market analyst (whatever that even is exactly) and I have not personally run the numbers and done a long-term study etc... 

For anyone who does not know what this is, Kindle Unlimited is a program Amazon has in which authors can make their books and stories available to readers who pay for that service. --I think it’s connected to Prime, but anyway--and any reader in that service can read that book “for free.” The authors then get paid by “page clicks’ and also receive a lump sum from the “Kindle Fund.”  More clicks means more from the fund. The books the authors put into Kindle Unlimited are Amazon exclusive for the time they are in there.

(The Kindle Fund, btw, is a giant slush fund of hundreds of thousands of dollars that Amazon has to spare (because of their shitty treatment of their employees etc) that they use to encourage authors to use KU. I will explain that more later. )

Pros to this: newer and indie authors get a chance for their work to get out there without paying directly for advertising*, with the idea that people will take a chance on unknown authors if the book is free. Money from the Kindle Fund can be more than what an author might make on royalties alone, especially if they are a newer author. 

Another comment: I have used Kindle Unlimited in the past. You can put any, all, or none of your works in it. And it can be for whatever amount of time you want, but the minimum sign up time is three months, and then you have to opt out if you want to or it will re-enroll you. 

When I first started doing short novellas up on Amazon, I enrolled them in KU, usually for the first three months only. I made money that way. And it probably did get people to read my stories who might not have. (On the other hand, I only priced those stories at 99 cents so that could also have been a reason.) 

Cons to this: 

wooo boy. One, it’s ripe for scams. 

The click farms. People? Rich wannabe writers? Disreputable publishing houses? started setting up bots to go through and click pages to ensure more money from Amazon. (Amazon banned the practice but as far as I know, does not really actively combat it. It usually involves readers or authors reporting the click farms for anything to happen.) More clicks = more money AND more money from the Kindle Fund. Popular books show up more on Amazon’s pages so this is a problem for struggling writers. 

The stuffed books. Authors... well, “authors”... who took a book, then added a bunch of scenes from new books or whole entire books to the back of the initial book, then putting this “standalone” book in the KU, to harvest clicks and to get it to the top of the bestseller lists. (Because readers of course are like !free books!) and the money from the Kindle Fund can be more than whatever royalties the two books would have made on their own. (Amazon banned the practice, but again, does not actively combat it. Authors and readers still have to report it.) 

Authors (again “authors”) trading novels, slapping on a new cover and the new author name, and enrolling them back into the KU again and again. Readers ending up with the same shitty novels over and over. Readers getting pissed and taking less chances on books, as a small consequence. Or maybe not small. I don’t know the numbers. 

Paid reviews. Those richer authors and disreputable publishing houses began to pay for good reviews. Presumably because of the rumor that having a certain number of reviews pushes you higher into Amazon’s search algorithm or whatever. A rumor that I don’t think has ever been proven. Anyway. That happened. (Amazon responded by banning and removing reviews from anyone who might know the authors??? Which... mostly just hurt indie authors. But Amazon does not care about that because having indie authors dependent on them is their goal anyway. Moving on.) 

Other cons to this: Amazon has stated from the start that their goal is to control the market. Not dominate it, which they already do. Control it. KU is part of this. The Kindle Fund exists because it’s part of what retail business would call a loss lead.-- Having people read books for free does not help Amazon make money. But they have all this excess profit (from their mistreatment of employees, as I said before) so they take the first hit (the loss) to get you into their store (like Wal-Mart offering two giant HD TVs on Black Friday for $20 each. You wont get one and even if you did, it will be poor quality, but it won’t matter because they got you in the store and now you will spend money). The Kindle Fund allows them to have a huge library of Amazon-exclusive books and helps them retain their domination of the market.

(Sidenote that traditional publishing houses and brick-and-mortar stores could have and should have seen this threat coming but chose to ignore it because the business model in America since the 1980s has been to please stockholders, not to run a sustainable business. Anyway.) 

Well again, authors have to make a living. So they use KU. I totally get it. I’ve even done it. But what bothers me about it is when authors *brag* about it and don’t read the writing on the wall. (I expect better from writers. I just do.) Because once Amazon absolutely and overwhelmingly controls the market???? Guess what? They can price books whatever they want. They can sell only books they approve of. They can ban authors with no warning and no recourse. They can change a book’s release date, fucking over traditional publishers and authors, and those publishers and authors can’t do anything about it. 

OH WAIT. They already do those things. 

For a while, Amazon wasn’t including LGBTQ books in the main seller lists. Then they sort of put them back after an outcry. 

If Amazon bans you, you can’t dispute it, and you are cut off from the vast majority of your potential audience, forever. 

Not to mention that their pay to advertise system only really rewards authors with the money to pay for ads in the first place. There is no such thing as free advertising on Amazon. Your books might get attention in the KU and you will get money, but that can vanish at any time. 

And do NOT get me started on how Amazon pushes ebooks in the Kindle format only and you have to use a converter to read your books on any other devices. Fucking ridiculous. That does not lead to innovation. That does not lead to lower prices. (Not to make Bezos Dr Evil but it leads to domination) 

So um... yeah I might not be the one to answer this question for you. I’m just a cranky doomsayer who has watched Amazon rise from an online bookseller to uh... the company store for all of America. (Please look up the history of coal mining and the company stores if you do not get that reference.) 

#asks #Anonymous

[fallingin-like]

november 12

peu à peu by @zombiesolace​ [requested by @jsteneil]

see which other fics i’m reviewing this month! / my review request post!

this is a really interesting character study on post-canon kevin and how he finds his place within the foxes and deals with the aftermath of the events within the series. this fic has a lot of introspection and does a really great job of unpacking everything.

this is such an intriguing fic to me, i don’t see that many that really delve into kevin and his thoughts. i can’t imagine how difficult of a time he must have, both throughout the series and during post-canon events. this fic really made me better appreciate the struggles that he goes through because it’s really common to have his actions portrayed without any of this explanation or why he acts in certain ways. we always see his single-mindedness with respect to exy and just kind of write it off as kevin being kevin. i think you effectively explored his character and inner thoughts.

some parts that stood out to me:

“it goes like this: they lose.” uhm somehow you were able to break my heart in the first two lines of the fic? i love the simplicity of the way you worded this, it contrasts really well with the significance of what it means, for the foxes, but especially for kevin.

kevin yelling at the team after the loss feels very in character. it reminds me of what he was apparently like when coaching the foxes prior to playing, and we see a little bit of it in the books themselves. it really comes down to the fact that kevin is desperate. for a lot of the foxes, the loss stings, but at the end of the day it’s just a loss. the criticism is harsh and they don’t understand why kevin is so hard on them. to kevin, it’s his life. not just because of the fact that he’s definitely trying to go pro and have exy as his career and not just because the moriyamas are definitely watching over him, but because that’s how he was raised as a child. kevin’s terrible childhood is somewhat overshadowed by the rest of the foxes, but he likely still has trauma from how he was raised in the nest, under the master and riko. so much pressure that it feels natural that he wants to try and regain control in some way.

”they’re a team, they fall together. and yet after each game this year, kevin has found himself falling apart alone. biting shame and swallowing frustration as he tears into each overanalyzed mistake” i find in life it’s so easy to isolate yourself from the people around you. the foxes probably find it hard to be sympathetic towards kevin, but they probably don’t realise that as harsh as he is to them, he is exponentially more critical of himself. in your own head, mistakes can be an unending loop, constant and distracting. this fic is really opening my eyes to what kevin is dealing with and appreciating him so much more.

”their win last year was a fluke. a gift given to them by virtue of the trojans. a simply byproduct of the hardiness of the foxes and the instability of riko’s collapsing domain.” ohmygoodness nooo it’s always so hard for me as an outsider to see kevin (and really anyone) struggle with the imposter syndrome. so many people (including many talented fanfic authors!!) write off their talent, skill, and hard work as fluke or luck as opposed to the many hours spent bettering themselves and practicing.

”it is with an overwhelming sense of dread that kevin thinks of his death. with each day the reality of riko’s loss feels more sure… kevin wishes riko’s ghost had followed. he wishes riko were still alive. he wishes he were alone, he wishes he weren’t.” wow i love the way you wrote this, with his conflicting thoughts. since we experienced the series through neil’s pov, riko’s death feels more like victory and less like a loss. it’s something to be celebrated. but i think it can almost be seen as similar to mary’s death, which neil mourned. both characters were abusive and did things that were wrong. and yet, they were loved. whether we like it or not, riko was kevin’s family and though their relationship was twisted and manipulated, especially as they grew older, riko was the person that kevin was closest to. emotions are so complicated and i bet kevin feels like he can’t discuss this with the other foxes, who don’t quite understand.

”he knows that his commentary is far more nuanced by virtue of being a fox. kevin takes the out and opens the folder he has on the roadrunners.” this is kind of small, but i find it has some significance. it can be so easy to do the thing that you know is self destructive and get caught in a rabbit hole of pages and articles of bad. good on kevin for not doing that.

”the name wymack clings to his tongue. coach sits temptingly at the back of his palette. my dad, his mind whispers, the words clear and intrusive.” ugH it must be so so hard for kevin to work through this. i love these lines.

”andrew pokes his head out of the bedroom. he stares blankly at kevin, his hair mussed… he leaves the door partially ajar. kevin feels something in his chest loosen.” oo i really really liked this part. andrew has his own unique way of showing that he cares and i love seeing the small things that he does.

the whole conversation between dan and kevin is so interesting. the actual information that you’re sharing about exy and the way that they interact. i think you did a great job of showing a realistic back and forth.

”riko was always right there. kevin never had to call him.” these two sentences, and actually that whole section is really just so heartbreaking. you do a great job of making me understand kevin, something i haven’t really done so before.

”that’s not true. he does know. he enjoys having the ability to express his opinion. it’s a novelty he’s still getting used to.” oh, kevin.

”kevin can’t see any of the foxes. they disappeared into the store moments upon arrival and three out of the four are too short to be seen over the aisles.” lol what a mood (i am short)

kevin’s interaction with the fans is so interesting. i wonder if he often dealt with actually meeting fans during his time as a raven. it’s also really interesting to see neil from this point of view, he almost seems… unfamiliar? but not in a bad way. it kind of really brings us into the perspective of kevin.

abby-kevin relationship is so nice. i think it’s great that kevin has a maternal figure that he can find comfort in

the section on kayleigh is just so so sad. it makes me feel grief for someone i never knew. it aches knowing that she was such a wonderful woman, that kevin had her and now he doesn’t.

”’wooo!’ nicky shouts, ‘now that was a wake up call i didn’t need.’” ohmygoodness i love the way that you write nicky! it really lightens the fic a bit more.

honestly the bit about jean being waterboarded is horrifying to me. 

i like that wymack took kevin to riko’s funeral. there’s a sense of closure that has to do with it, kevin being with his real family while saying goodbye to what used to be his family

”he doesn’t recall riko breaking his had. he remembers before, and he remembers after but he doesn’t remember the moment his life changed.” i really appreciate the formatting you used with this, the line separating the first sentence, the way that you broke up the second sentence into two lines. it feels more impactful, more significant.

”he can see nicky and aaron showing off their most ridiculous dance moves in the corner for one another” oh my goodness this is amazing

“he wonders if they’ll call him an ex-fox when he graduates or if he’ll always be labeled an ex-raven. the nest had a quiet energy that fox tower doesn’t.” oh oh i like this a lot

also i like how you broke up the texts with paragraphs of kevin’s thoughts. it shows the gaps between his texts more and i feel his loneliness more keenly. the double-texting with the periods between reminds me of when i am at my loneliest

i love kevin’s conversation with jeremy. he’s known as one of the nicest, brightest characters in the series, but we really see why. how he is able to relax kevin and just speak to him.

your explanation of kevin choosing history as his major is so insightful, i’ve never really considered it, but now i wish i had

”i want andrew to enjoy himself. he does it rarely, kevin, you’re aware of that” renne is just so great.

the part about kevin using twitter, especially as a way to try and connect with thea is so interesting to me.

”’does he know you’re better than he is?’ she’d whispered in his ear” I LOVE THIS LINE what a turning point in kevin’s journey

ahh the part about nicky telling andrew about the conspiracy station, it’s so nice to see the way they are bonding like his

andrew is such a complicated character, i absolutely adore the way that you write him. a lot of the time i read a softer side of him, through the perspective of neil. kevin and andrew have a fascinating relationship, i love seeing it from kevin. “he gives kevin a thumbs up”, “i hear you, andrew says” these are so perfect

wymack giving kevin an extra jacket is peak dad behaviour.

recently i’ve been so fond of seeing authors incorporate the title of their fic into the writing. this is no different, it makes the title have that much more meaning “little by little, the bird builds his nest” i love this. how did you come across this quote? it’s so fitting for this fic

the dynamic between dan, wymack, and kevin is so so interesting. wymack and kevin are so similar that sometimes i guess it causes a distance because they’re not the best at communication. and it must be hard. they’re related, but still have so much to learn about each other. i guess i’ve never though much of how close dan and wymack are. you do a really good job at capturing the tension that exists, the interactions.

”he thinks a lot of people would rather he never spoke again” oh no this hit me hard

the little part where kevin and dan are talking about neil’s shot, i like this little bonding that we see. exy is the thing that has brought them together

”’you’ll make a good wymack,’ he says. dan jerks back, her mouth open, and her eyes stunned.” oh this is so nice

”he wants to say he’s my dad, but he’s hers too; hers more so and that’s dan’s point. what would he know? ‘he saved me too,’ he says instead” oh my goodness i love this so much

sorry but neil and kevin teaming up and nicky and aaron teaming up so that andrew loses is the best part of this fic and anyone that believes otherwise can fight me!!! “when they arrive in columbia andrew makes an aborted move like he will shut neil out of their room and it’s the first time kevin hears something like a laugh from neil.” this is so soft i needed this

go thea!!! thank you for making her so amazing in this fic!!! i like how you write their relationship, it’s refreshing and really interesting, we don’t know that much about thea

THEA TAKING OFF HER NECKLACE WHEN KEVIN CHANGES HIS TATTOO THIS IS THE BEST

there’s so much that you covered in this fic. kevin’s relationship with exy, riko, the rest of the foxes, wymack. i love the way that you worked through everything. the gradual improvement of the foxes following with kevin’s mental health improving. but we can really see how far he has come when they lose and he’s okay with it. you made me feel so close to kevin. your writing is wonderful, so many little details that just build to make this fic amazing. thank you so much for writing this!

#peu à peu #aftg fic review #raelle writes

[nrgburst]

Shipping meme. This should be fun :) 2, 26, 31

2. Talk about three of the most important ships throughout your life.

In which I am busted for being a fandom old and none of the ships is my current OTP whoops:

Cloud/Tifa (Cloti, FFVII)- This fandom is probably going to come back from the dead with the remake (the way it did when Advent Children was released) and I probably have to get both a PS4 and the game so I can rig the bloody date this time and get Tifa. LOL #petty They were the first couple I shipped super hard and wrote longfic for. Took me a year to finish Full Circle and I updated one month at a time on ffnet. Back then there was a good network of Cloti shippers on LJ and on the Genesis Awards chatroom. Here’s them from the airship scene in the 1997 game which I played on the original Playstation. 

aaand with updated graphics. LOL The creators have never confirmed that they were endgame- just that they live together and adopted two kids. SIGH. 

Hiccup/Astrid (Hiccstrid, How to Train Your Dragon)- This is still probably the ship I’m best known for writing even though I’m no longer in that fandom, so I’ve kept my AO3 icon as Hiccup. I just wanted to write Astrid with motivations outside of making Hiccup the Best Chief Evar and I can still recall loads of Viking stuff from my worldbuilding research. I still get comments and kudos (reviews and faves on ffnet) even though Learning to Fly is 6 years old and has to be buried deep in the archives. 

aaand they made it to endgame without either dying wooo!

Kol/Davina (Kolvina, The Originals)- I still get notifications every day for my Kol and Davina GIFsets like this one. I also wrote a few oneshots. And while they both died multiple times during the series they actually got married and made it out alive! 

26. Have you noticed a pattern in your shipping? Is there a romantic dynamic you’re more drawn to? 

I just realized that a lot of my ships started out as childhood friends. I like my power dynamics with the woman more powerful in het ships. I tend to ship canon ships, which skew het for that reason. I don’t usually ship the popular, main ship- I think I’ve only done the fandom fave ship with Hiccstrid and Coliver (HTGAWM). 

31. Talk about one of your favourite headcanons for a ship you love.

Gendrya (Arya/Gendry, GoT/ASoIaF) is my current OTP, as you know! Headcanon: that they have 7 kids (5 biological and 2 foster) just like her parents did. I also think their first is a girl and that she inherits Storm’s End, and it’s there in the epilogue of To Temper Steel. :)

#replies #lyrawhite #ask meme #thank you for the questions! #this was fun!

[shankmeharder]

Daily Goodie Box(free and full of treats)

Daily Goodie Box is a lovely service that, once you sign up for it, awards free goodie boxes(a new box every month) to its subscribers. The best way to get picked for a free box is to be active on their social media and generally be very open with your opinions. After doing just that, I was awarded one for this month. Now one of the great things about this box, is that (as they love to remind you)  It's more than just Free Samples! The fullsize products they include(in addition to a couple sample size ones) allow you to make the fullest use of the product and really see if you like it, and want to add it to your routine,kitchen, or cleaning roster. I’ve decided to put my own assessment out there and after a week of testing, the reviews are in. The links for each product, or their brand website, are listed below their respective reviews.

Starting with the snacks.

First we have Sweet Potato Puffs by Spudsy in the Crunchy Cinnamon Variety.Now these I can see being a bit polarizing. First bite is not a great indicator for potential. You get a puff of cinnamon that slowly cedes the stage to the texture which is a bit like a rice puff but a tad less springy, not necessarily super appealing. However, in the spirit of giving it a fair shake, I gave it another go. By the fourth (tiny) puff, I was actually pretty delighted with them. They are not overly sweet, they don’t have any kind of unfortunate aftertaste, and it becomes easy to go through them.My daughter and  I finished the teeny sample bag before i knew it, and were a bit crestfallen when we realized it. I would definitely recommend these as a toddler or childrens’ snack, as they do remind me a bit of those other very popular puffs and may provide a similar and appealing texture to the young ones.I know my Bean was absolutely enamored of them. https://spudsy.com/collections/sweet-potato-puffs

Next, we have the Gluten-Free Granola by Bakery on Main. This is the Cranberry Almond Maple variety, and let me tell you, I did not have high hopes for this product. I am not a huge granola person, a lot of them are too sugary or too dry and they just don’t appeal. This blew me out of the water. The maple flavor is very present but it doesn’t overwhelm everything. The bean crisps were a wild card for me and I found them delightful, just enough crunch and chew, and they were complimented very well by the tart dried cranberries. The almonds and seeds are lovely, nothing to write home about, but exactly what you would hope for in the Granola/ Trail mix hybrid. My only fuss, I wouldn’t mind a slightly higher cranberry to bean crisp ratio. This is honestly delightful, and the 1.1 oz bag is actually the perfect size for a quick snack on the go, or a little workout energy boost. https://bakeryonmain.com/shop/cranberry-almond-maple-granola/

Now on to the tea

For our beverage offering we have Tipson tea in, Honey&Lemon Matcha Infusion. I will cop to the fact that I tend to be more of a coffee person, but lately I’ve been trying to cut back, drink more water, drink more tea. However, I am a sucker for homey and lemon, so this was providence. I’m not the biggest Matcha fan, but again, I give everything its fair trial before i pass a verdict. I brewed a cup to have with our previously mentioned snacks. The tea is definitely lemony, probably one of the most overtly fruit flavored teas, short of something pre-chilled and sold in a tall can, that I’ve ever had.The honey, however, loses its way and is hard to taste behind all that lemon. The matcha, being that this is a “matcha infusion” is also pretty hard to get, which is fine with me. I prefer subtle matcha. After my initial taste, I fixed it the way I normally fix my tea, with milk and (extra) honey, and it was lovely. I would recommend using honey if you want to taste it, but it is a lovely tea, nonetheless, and I’ll be enjoying each of my twenty-four remaining cups. https://www.amazon.com/tipson

First up in health and beauty is the face mask.

Here is the detoxifying peel mask by Que Bella. I’ve made it no secret that this is the item I was most excited to try. On opening the packet, it seemed there was not an overabundance of product, and I feared I might have to use both packets for one mask. My fears were mostly allayed, when one packet proved to be just enough for one layer. The smell of the mask is quite pleasant, not overwhelming, in fact you become used to it quite quickly. The consistency is a bit thinner than I was expecting, but I smeared it on and geared up for the slightly painful peeling to come. The mask started to tighten within about three minutes of finishing the application, and it was lovely to sit in front of the fan with it on, like sticking your face into a cool mountain spring. I opted to wait the twenty-five minutes it suggests on the package, as I am the type of person that will keep poking and prodding and checking to see if it’s dry, unless I rein myself in.The peeling was not nearly as painful as some of the others I have tried, but i attribute that in part to my artful avoidance of my hairline, and how very thin the mask was. It was also quite a quick ordeal, and none of my peach fuzz got yanked out, so I call that a win. Upon removal, my cheeks continued feeling the “mountain spring” sensation for quite a while, probably fifteen minutes or so. My cheeks were noticeably smoother, as was my nose. My skin didn’t redden excessively, or puff up like I’d  been stung, so on all accounts, I’d give this mask two thumbs up. https://www.quebellabeauty.com/product-page/que-bella-professional-detoxifying-intense-black-peel-off-mask

In our health selection, this month we were sent Napz, a drug free, non-habit forming, sleep aid. To preface this review, I am a nocturnal hermit gremlin and I almost never fall asleep before 3 a.m. In my (almost) week of usage, I found these were better for kicking my butt in the last hour before succumbing, than forcing myself into premature sleep. They do create a subtle drowsiness, but like most herbal remedies and aids, I think you must be very receptive to it, and do what you can to maximize its efficacy. The directions recommend taking an hour before desired bed time for best results. On the nights when i took it at midnight I did fall asleep 1 to 2 hours earlier. But taking it any earlier than that did me no good, as I just was not close enough to sleep. Would I recommend this to an insomniac, or someone with a preternaturally screwy circadian rhythms like me? Probably not, at least not in an attempt to “normalize” a sleep schedule. Would I recommend this to someone trying to get an extra hour before exams, or even just for relaxation? Hell yes! https://www.napz.com/

This month we were provided with QuickStop! bandages by Curad. Wooo bandages! No sarcasm, I go through these like no ones business. Between blood thinners, a compulsion to pick my fingers, and an adventurous toddler, I constantly have plasters on, and my daughter goes through a couple a week. They are usually some cute design that I either bleed through, or that falls off within an hour, so anything that claims to stop bleeding faster, and stay on my damn fingers/toes/elbow/daughters knees. is a beacon of hope for me and my blood-stained button-ups. Now these were a interesting test, as I literally had to wait for myself to bleed, and like a watched pot, my finger refused to boil-I mean- you know what I mean. Yesterday I finally had an excuse to use them, oddly enough on a paper cut, and a needle prick. Apparently my self control was great this week, probably because I was thinking about it so much. Now when one is on blood thinners, they bleed a bit longer and a bit more than usual. Typically we are just instructed to apply more pressure and be patient, but if I get cut while dealing with a crying toddler (as is my luck) I may not have a free hand to apply pressure while trying to prevent a nuclear meltdown. Indeed, I didn’t need one. It was story time before bed, she was fussing and fighting sleep with the best of them, and wouldn’t you know it, my finger slips and I get a massive, (honestly, a little scary) deep, paper cut on my thumb. The Bean sees this and starts to cry more because Baba/Mama is bleeding and oh my gosh this is terrible. I pull a bandage out of my stash in her dresser and pop it on. No bleeding through, no leakage, immediately my thumb is story ready and suddenly there is no more reason to cry because “ooo mommy, what’s this?”.Despite her best efforts she couldn’t tear it off, and I got a toddler to bed without getting blood all over the sheets. Win-Win. The needle prick was less dire, but it happened while sewing a teddy bear up last night, and it lasted through my tossing sleep, and all this typing, so, again, I’ll call it a win.  http://curad.com/quick-stop/

Pertaining to health and hygiene, the goodie box bestowed upon us...an oral rinse? I’m game, in fact I was sort of looking forward to this one, as I’ve just changed toothpastes and was considering adding another component to my routine. I don’t particularly care about the whitening aspect but on all other accounts I’d like to have a good rinse in my arsenal. This is unfortunately not it, at least not for me. It is described as “peppermint” but it more of a lemongrass/torture flavor. There is no tingle or sensation of freshness that comes with it, in fact it makes me want to rinse my mouth with something stronger. After a week of usage with my brushing routine(evenings only for this product) I did not notice a change in whiteness, and there seemed to be no breath freshening component, my toothpaste was pulling all the weight there. Maybe to someone who follows the “pristine protocol” with the recommended line of products, this would be useful. However, just throwing this into your routine, as far as I can tell, will not cause a noticeable change in dental hygiene or emotional fulfillment.  https://essentialoxygen.com/products/organic-brushing-rinse/

Last on our list of goodies we have our only household item.

Ode to Clean cleansing wipes. These are billed as “all-purpose” wipes and claim to be skin safe and cruelty free, so what do i have to lose? Answer? Maybe my old wipes. I love these, I have finicky skin, I can’t get poison ivy, but i can get chemical burns from a couple drops of gasoline. So I never know what I’m in for with “skin safe” products. In this case, no reaction to be recorded. No welts, hives, rashes, etc. I tried them out on dried liquids, liquefied solids, and even some caked on semi-solids (I have a toddler, a lot of messes get made). They work like a dream. The scent is a bit citrus-y and a bit herbal, certainly not bad, but also not what you might be used to. They don’t leave behind too much of the scent, which is just fine with me, and they take all the mess with them, too. The only downside? I don’t have a full pack of them. 

https://odetoclean.com/products/ode-to-clean-wipes

Well there you have it, July’s Daily Goodie Box in a nutshell. If you would like the opportunity to to be awarded a future box with more full and sample size goodies, simply sign up at dailygoodiebox.com and start making yourself heard on their social media. They give out tons of boxes every day, you could get one next.

Have a great day, my little void children.

#daily goodie box #goodie box #review #free stuff #goodie box review #daily goodie box review #shankmeharder #totally not a sellout #i actually got this for free #no effort required #it's more than just free samples #social media #health and beauty #snacks #matcha #tea #bandages #napz #tipson #curad #ode to clean #spudsy #bakery on main #que bella #essential oxygen

[sweetcerac]

REVIEW:

Between Frost and Fury by Chani Lynn Feener 

Book Summary: “Delaney has been kidnapped by aliens. Again. After only a month back on Earth with her hotnew alien boyfriend Ruckus, the deadly and devastatingly handsome prince Trystan has dragged her right back to his planet. While some girls may dream of winning a prince’s heart, Delaney just wishes this one would leave her alone. Instead, she finds herself at the center of both a tense political battle between two alien kingdoms and Trystan’s romantic attentions, both of which are absolutely ruining the life she’s built on Earth. Not to mention the fact that she’s about to be crowned queen of a planet she’s barely even visited. Just another day in life of an ordinary human girl.”

My Review:

This is book two in the Xenith Trilogy, the first book being Amid Stars and Darkness, which I LOVED!!! So I was so excited when this showed up in my mailbox finally! Wooo!! And it did not disappoint!!

*************** SPOILERS AHEAD!!! Go read these books! **************** Then you won’t get spoiled!

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So if the first book was like Alice in Wonderland for Delaney, then this book is totally Beauty and the Beast! I couldn’t help but make the comparisons as I was reading. Trystan is totally Beast under the curse of his father being the worst. This book picks up right where the first book ended, Trystan kidnaps Delaney and takes her back with him to Xenith. He wants her to take Olena’s place as the Vakar’s princess (Lissa to the Vakarans). Plus Olena is the worst person in the universe and Trystan does not want to be tied down to her. And somewhere along the line in book one, he fell for Delaney. 

So Trystan’s plan is to hold Delaney hostage, get her on the throne, and make her fall for him or force her into being with him. He has it all worked out.

Ruckus, of course, is coming after her!! Yay!! Wooo!! Ruckus!!

It also turns out that Trystan’s father wants to conquer Earth and Delaney is in the odd position of being able to protect Vakar and Earth as their princess for both. Trystan would be bound to protect the people of both him and his queen’s. He seems to sincerely want to protect everyone! But most definitely Delaney.

Trystan is actually really sweet and thoughtful and so protective of her. I was starting to find myself drawn to Team Trystan too. He’s not at all who is portrays himself to be as the all mighty tough Prince. But he definitely tends to close up to keep himself from getting hurt.

Him and Delaney grow closer as they have to deal with the royal duties they need to perform and keeping up appearances that they are a couple in love. While Ruckus and his/Delaney’s friends are being held in holding cells under the castle.

Delaney wants to go home! She wants to rescue Ruckus and her friends and go home. And she’s trying to bid her time. But at the same time, she is seeing the softer side of Trystan and learning more about his history and why he is the way he is.

You can see her so conflicted with her feelings for Ruckus and what is developing with Trystan.

I totally can’t wait for book three!! I might actually die in anticipation for what will happen next for this triangle.

#bookreview #bookreviews #goodreads #books

[boliviahome-blog]

3.30.18

Matthew and I have been feeling pretty high stress in our relationship lately. This is strongly correlated to the fact that we’ve only had 2 hours away from the kids (and not focused on work) since mid-December. As I like to say, two hours is too few hours.

This is one of the more hidden costs of doing this type of work: you move away from everyone who provides a safety net to your domestic craziness. At home (meaning, back in Minnesota) we had my sister and parents just a short drive away, plus a whole congregation of generous-hearted friends living in our neighborhood, all of them willing to provide regular respite from the perils of life with a toddler and a baby. But no more. Now we live in Bolivia, with genial colleagues who are not yet close friends. And we’ve had a frustratingly difficult time finding a babysitter.

So we’ve not had much time to focus on our relationship. We have been furiously treading to keep the family’s head above water until the many transitions of these initial months cease. Keep the kids free of diarrhea and terrible diaper rash. Guide Lev into the pleasures of continuous sleep. Maintain Thea’s body temperature at a salubrious level in the tropical heat. Protect everyone from whatever the heck kind of snake this is that was living in our backyard. You get the idea.

One of the game-changing pieces of advice we got early in our marriage was to treat our relationship better than a car: the idea being that we invest in regular oil changes, make costly repairs, keep our vehicles clear of road salt and winter grime, but when it comes to the most valuable thing we own (our marriage), we hesitate to spend money to maintain it properly. People wait too long to make marital repairs, i.e., through counseling, and often it’s too late. I don’t know, I’m not a counselor, and I am keenly aware this isn’t always possible for everyone. But - for us - we took the advice to heart. We typically went to see Shannon, our counselor, about 4 sessions a year. An hour and a half appointment is long enough to talk, scowl, laugh, scowl, and laugh again. We bring the intransigent issues we have, she offers perspective and homework, we work on it, we forget about it, we go back and hash it out again the next year. It’s been helpful and an encouragement to us, a safety net.

When we moved to Bolivia, we anticipated and tried to mitigate the huge stressors by scheduling an online marriage counseling session within our first few weeks here. We have unlimited and free access to them, which I think is one of the best perks of the job. One thing we didn’t anticipate, however, was an erratic internet connection. We got the kids to bed, breathed a sigh of relief, plopped down at the kitchen table, reviewed what we wanted to talk about, and... BLAARGH. [That is the sound of the internet crapping out.]

The counselor rang us back about 10 times in 10 minutes, until we all called it quits. “We’ll ... see ... [garble garble] ... later when ... [garble]... is fixed,” we barked at the screen. I think she got the point. Well, that was 3 months ago. 

Matthew and I have been neglecting each other and this past week the strain was starting to show. We both became snippy. The word “butthead” was bandied about. I was feeling depressed and really homesick, Lev got sick, then I got sick, and my emotional margin was exhausted. All the transitions - the moving, orienting, traveling, life at 90 mph - these are all done. It’s time now to get the kids, the house, and ourselves back on track. So Say We All!

Today is Good Friday, a work holiday here, and the kids were napping simultaneously, so we decided to make it a Really Good Friday by paying attention to each other, maybe having a little fun, playing a game, and talking about important stuff.

We started things off by rating our perception of our marriage right now:

Me: What grade would you give us?

Matthew: [Sigh] Oh, maybe a B- or a C?

Me: Oh really! Wow!

Matthew: What?

Me: Oh, I’m just pleased that you think we’re doing that well.

[Some more detailed talk about the ins-and-outs of this season for us, what’s going well, what’s going badly, how the kids play into it or not.]

Me: Well, yeah, I think I’d also give us about a C. Not great, but not fundamentally broken, either.

[More detailed talk about what “fundamentally broken” means.]

Then we played Hanabi, which got interrupted by Lev crying, and we started bickering again. The equation is very simple: Kid crying = frustrated bickering. The louder the crying, the louder the bickering. I. SERIOUSLY. HATE. BICKERING. Lev went back to sleep.

Matthew: Okay, let’s try again. Reset on the game.

[Game played. Fun sort-of had. You can’t just relax at the drop of a hat.]

After the game, we set the pieces down and looked around. Matthew was gratified that neither of us was looking at our phones or the laptop. I was thrilled the house was quiet and that no marching band was rehearsing nearby.

We decided to gaze into each other’s eyes for 30 seconds, which is something we do once in a while, on the premise that maintaining our love doesn’t need to be rocket science or grand poetry, that sometimes it can be aided with some tried-and-true methods: in this case, simply staring at another’s eyes for 30 seconds increases your affection for them. At least, I’m pretty sure I read something about that once. Matthew set his watch timer.

Me: Wait, wait, let’s do a pre and post-test. Don’t start! Stop looking at me! What’s your current level of affection for me? Mine is about a 3.

Matthew: [appearing slightly miffed] Out of what?

Me: 10.

Matthew: Yeah, I’m about a 3 too.

Me: Okay! Let’s see if staring in each other’s eyes helps raise that.

So we scooted closer. We held onto each other’s shoulders. It was nice. He set the timer. We started staring.

Matthew: You’re only looking at one eye. Look at both.

Me: [adjusting]

Matthew: Now I’ve made you into a cyclops. [leaning in and out] Wooo-ooo-ooooo!

Me: Stop that!

Matthew: It’s like a Magic Eye picture.

Me: [trying it] I think I see a lion coming out!

[Both of us giggling and then settling into it, staring at both eyes]

I’ve always liked Matthew eyes. The summer we met, when my heart was still quite ragged from a hurtful season some time earlier, I remember how struck I was by his soft, kind, brown eyes. I’ve since heard that’s some kind of pop-culture cliche, probably with a snarky gif, but the debasing of it doesn’t take away from the truth of it for me. Matthew did have soft, kind eyes. He still does. I still find healing and a sense of home when I look in them. Especially when he’s not being a butthead. Because his heart is Good.

30 seconds passed. A minute passed. We didn’t know that, of course, because you can’t shift your eyes to watch the clock or the whole thing breaks down. We finally drew apart.

Me: Where are you at now?

Matthew: A 4.

Me: Me too! Wow, that’s amazing. Only a minute and we gained a whole point! We could get all the way up to a 10 with only 6 more minutes. That’s nothing!

So... it’s a start. We feel good about the prospects. Everything is calming down: the job, the potty-training, the travel. We keep repeating this, reassuring ourselves, as if a magic mantra will make it so.

But the proof is in the ordinary details: We’re eating home-cooked meals. Yes, half of them get thrown on the floor by our punk 12 month-old but that’s irregardless of geography. Thea is watercolor painting again, right now to the soothing tunes of Ladysmith Black Mambazo from a Putomayo Kids album. (Pretty happy about that.) She’s asking me to sing Hark the Herald at night again. Lev is discovering to how play by himself and often sits quietly, entranced by Fisher Price Little People, throwing them, transferring them from bus to barn to mouth.

And we are proving it too: today we finally scheduled another online counseling appointment and we booked a babysitter for next Tuesday. Hopefully she will not kill the children. We may be only at a 4, but 4 is almost a 5, and 5 is halfway there. Today is Good Friday, when Jesus decided the whole earth was worth healing. Seemed like the right day to decide that for us too.

(In any case, we already know we’re MFEO - Made For Each Other - because we both hate that scene in movies when someone needs to give someone else a necklace and - even though they’ve just been frantically running through a forest or dodging bullets in a war and the necklace has stayed on securely the whole time - somehow in the moment when they need to pass it off to someone, all they have to do is gently tug on it and the clasp comes loose and they gracefully hand it over. Eye-rolls all around from us. I’m looking at you Frodo Baggins.)

[dailyaudiobiblechronological]

12/2/2020 DAB Chronological Transcription

1st Corinthians 12 - 14

Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible Chronological, I'm China. Today is the second day of December, welcome. So glad to be here with you guys today. Today, we continue in the book of 1st Corinthians with Chapter 12 - 14 Commentary

Such a good word today. It's, it can be such a misinterpreted or like over overly looked word, because it's it's almost like a word of correction here, where it's talking about, hey, this is the way that it has to be done. And if it's not done in this way, be advised. And it's so important that we grasp the concept that, yeah, there's really great aspects of being a believer, like there's some really great and really cool, really awesome benefits of the Lord, absolutely. However, if we neglect the fact that we have to love and to love well, then we just sound like one of those loud, clangy, noisy gongs. And I personally do not care for the sound of those. And so nor do I want to be viewed or seen as one. And so when we read this, this scripture, it's very popular scripture. It's known to be recited at weddings often. And because it's talking about what love is the standard of love. And a lot of the times, like in dating or engagement and even marriage, it talks about or I've seen whether like it's blog articles or I've read some books that say it that is like encouraging from a female's perspective to insert your potential, the person of interest, to insert their name in there and to replace it with their name instead of love and to really, like, hold them to that standard. I just remember at one point I was like, wait, like, am I just going to neglect myself? If I'm going to hold my husband to that standard, then I have to first, like the Bible's very clear, like, look, if you're going to do something, you have to make sure that basically you are perfect first. I'm not perfect at all. And so going through myself and looking at, OK, I am patient. Definitely not. Let's just start with that. I'm not patient. OK, so there's work to be done there. I, I am kind, wooo sometimes but not just boldly stamp it and leave it like. Nope. Got to work on that. And you go through the line of what love is and you really just are able to give yourself an evaluation to know what the things that you have to work on. And I think like yes, that is great to hold someone in a standard to, but you can't neglect yourself like this is a very inwardly message. It's not outwardly. This letter is to be taken and searched and reviewed inwardly. So before we get it twisted to judge and compare and hold people to this standard of love, may we look inwardly first and know that this is how Christ loves us and this is how we are called to love others. Prayer

And so Father, I just thank you for your word. I thank you for today's scripture that is talking about love, how to love others well. And I thank you that, we can really assess where we need to do some work, where we really need to spend some time sifting and sorting and praying and being activated. And God, I just thank you that there's really amazing things that can be done in your name and in your presence and your spirit. We can have the gift of prophecy. We can have the gift of tongues. Lord, those are so cool. They're so amazing to be activated in. But what is the greater command is that we are called to love. And so I pray that that would be our our first desire. That we would know that that is how you love. And that we know that that is how we are called to love. And so Lord I thank you, again, that we aren't left without direction. That you have called us and you have set the standard for us. And it's in your name we pray, amen. Announcements

Wow, I cannot believe that we are in the last month of this year as crazy in some ways it feels like how are we already here. In some ways it feels like, thank God. But regardless of where you are in that spectrum, this is where we are. We're counting down the days till Christmas and counting down the days until we can kiss this year goodbye. We can enter into 2021. And man, there's just been so much goodness in this year. I've just really been challenging myself to just validate that this year was quite possibly the weirdest year ever, but also one of those very sweetest years of my life. And and when you start sifting through and looking through the good, you find a lot. You don't just find one or two things. You find a lot. And so, yeah, and it comes with a lot of transition, like right now we're in transition to the holidays and into the new year and we are on the fast train. It's like we're on the roller coaster and we're going up and well, I feel like now we're on the part where it really comes down and it's happening so fast you can't even catch your breath. It's kind of like the holidays, how I feel about it, where it's just rapid and it happened so fast. But you enjoy it and you're like, let's do it again. But yes, this this year has been the year promise. And when I heard that that was supposed to be the word for this year is very confused because one of the deepest things I desire was to be married. And that promise was fulfilled last year. And so it was very curious to know what this year was like. And, gosh, just so many promises of the Lord being revealed, new promises to desire, new things to come, new things to be expected. Ben and I were in transition to becoming parents very quickly in the spring of next year. And so around Thanksgiving is typically when I start praying for the word for the next year. And it started a little bit early this year, probably around mid June or July is when I heard the Lord say, I want you to start asking about what next year looks like. And so of course, I start praying about it and was actually very shocked by what I heard. I actually really felt that the Lord was saying 2021 is supposed to come to a halt. And I really wrestled with that. And in true fashion of myself, I ignored it and ran away from it. But it kept coming up. And as soon as I was at peace with what I believe the Lord was calling me for next year, I think like two weeks later we found out that we were pregnant. And so this is all coming up to say what I don't want to say, but to be in obedience of the Lord 2021. I am stepping away from Daily Audio Bible Chronological, and that has had much prayer, much consideration. And it's sad, like it's weird announcing that this is my 11th year of daily podcasting, I've done this for more than half of my life and I have to be obedient to the Lord is asking. I have to steward something that I'm walking into, which is a great unknown of parenthood. I know what it's like to be pregnant half way, but I don't know what it's like to have a newborn and be a mother. And ultimately I'm trusting the Lord and following that and just knowing that I don't think that I could do both well. And I know that this community deserves a voice well. And so my mom, Jill, you may be familiar with her voice. You may not be, but if you are continuing chronologically next year, which I encourage you to do so, she will be the voice. She'll be stepping in. She's prepared. She's ready. She, around the same time, had the same desire for something more and deeper and around the same time that I was feeling that it was time to take a step back. And so that is what 2021 is going to look like and I know there's a lot of feelings, I know there's maybe some questions and the only one that I can think of that you might have is, you know, will I come back and if when or if so, like when? And just being a thousand percent transparent, I don't know. That's something that I've been asking the Lord and has not been revealed. But the moment that it is revealed, you guys will know. So there's there's no goodbyes in the community, as my dad says. And on the Daily Audio Bible on his main channel, I jumped on there with him and we just talked about this upcoming transition. And we're just talking about there's there's no goodbyes in this community. I have no intention of being a stranger. As soon as our daughter is born, I would love to come on and give an update and talk about her birth story and just give praise for how smooth that went. But, yeah, so I have no intention of dropping off the face of the earth. That you would never hear from Ben or I again or our little one to come. But this is necessary and it's good and it's done in obedience to what the Lord is asking of me and our family. And so, with that, it is all the feelings, it's all the feelings of the bittersweet, it's sad, it's good. And yes, so you have me for the rest of the month, for the rest of the year. Um, yeah. Transition. It's never easy. It's never fun. But I know, I know, I know that this is what the Lord has. So I feel like I'm talking in circles. Let's wrap this up. So would you just be in prayer for Ben and I, as we step into something completely unknown that the Holy Spirit and the Lord is equipping us daily and will continue to equip and hold us and carry us? And then would you also just pray for my mom, who is stepping into the daily responsibility of reading God's word? And we thank you for your prayers. This feels very weird to end, feels like like a healthy like hey, this is we're going to go our separate ways, but it's good and we can both be sad, but it's going to be good. And you're just like, OK, but now what happens? That's kind of how I feel right now. But I've never had this conversation before. We've done this. This is my 11th year doing this. So, but I will be back tomorrow and the day after that, and we have very close to a month left with each other, so we'll spend that together, well. But that is all for today. I'm China. I love you. And I'll be waiting for you here, tomorrow. Community Prayer Line

Hey, Daily Audio Bible Chronological. This is Raboni in Texas, and I'm calling to wish everyone a very happy Thanksgiving. And to you, China, we wish you a very happy birthday. I'm sending this on your birthday. We also want you and Ben to know how we're praying for everything to go smooth, and then new little Brown to be arriving in the safest possible way so that you can have a wonderful birth in Jesus name. We send you love. Hi, good morning family. This is Kim from California. Today is November 25th, and today's day 22 of my 30 day prayer challenge for rain. Heavenly Father, we'd like to ask you to please shower us with rain here in California and in the western United States. The land is dry, the land is cracking, the trees are wilting. The trees are turning brown. They're dark. They're sad, they're falling down. We ask you heavenly father, you have the power, you have the power. Please shower us with rain. Please join me in prayer for California and the western United States to get rain. God bless you all. Thank you, China, for your reading. I love you, DABC family. Be blessed. And Happy Thanksgiving for tomorrow. Aubrey from California, this is Drew from California. I just heard your call. And I want you to know that I'm praying for you. It's so scary to hear about people experiencing trauma so terrible that they can't even talk about it. And I just want you to know that even though even though you haven't told us about the trauma, God knows about the trauma. So please just just know that you can rest in him. And it also amazed me to hear your prayer and hear you reach out to Lady of Victory and Kingdom Seeker Daniel, they are such wonderful members of this community. And and you rightfully feel that you can reach out to them. And I will tell you right now that they're, they are praying for you because your prayer was heard this morning. And I guarantee you that they're praying for you. And I don't think that it was any accident that as soon as your voice cut off from the podcast this morning, I heard the unmistakable voice of Lady of Victory come on and hear Kingdom seeker Daniel laughing in the background. So I hope that was encouraging to you as it was to me. While we're on the topic Lady of Victory, Kingdom Seeker Daniel. I love you guys. Happy Thanksgiving DABC community First-Time Caller. I will go by, Fill My Cup Lord. I am responding to Joyous Janice. Thank you so much for your message and and I am so sorry, your tears just touched my heart and I'm so sorry to hear about you losing your dear beloved husband. Your story also reminded me of Naomi, the story of Naomi and Ruth one I mean, Ruth 1: 19 - 20, here Naomi has lost everything and so she decides to return home. So it says when they entered Bethlehem, the whole village was excited about their arrival. The women of the village say, can this be Naomi? But she replied to them, Don't call me Naomi. Call me, call me Mara. Because the sovereign lord has treated me harshly. I left here full. But the Lord has caused me to return empty handed. Why do you call me Naomi seeing that the Lord has opposed me and the sovereign one has caused me to suffer. And then down the road God blesses Naomi through Ruth and so in Ruth one in Ruth 4:14 it says the village women say to Naomi, may the Lord be praised because he has not left you without a guardian today. May he be famous in Israel. The neighbor women named him saying a son has been born to Naomi. They named him Obid. I pray that the joy of the Lord may come back as your strength. I love you. Bye. Hi, this is Tracy from North Carolina, and it is Thanksgiving Day. I'm a psych nurse and I just got off work. And I wanted to join in the 30 day challenge and say that I am thankful for my family. So grateful for my church family and for my DABC family, and I want to say a special prayer today for those of us that have family members, children or other loved ones that are not Christians or who have walked away from the faith. Dear Heavenly Father, I pray today, especially for our children or our loved ones who do not know you as savior or who have wandered away from you. God, we pray for my daughter, Cassie. We pray for Kingdom Seeker Daniel and Lady of Victory's children. I pray for His Dusty Rose's children pray for Alaska Mom's children and many, many others of our brothers and sisters who have children or loved ones who are not walking around with you, God. We pray that you will continue working in their lives and bringing them to you. And we pray that we will be sensitive to your leading and the things we say and do around them. Thank you for all that you do for us, God. We love you, in Jesus name, amen. Good morning, my DABC family hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving and we do have so much to be thankful for. This is Carmen from Germany calling for two things. One, for a praise report. I called in about my divorce hearing on the 18th, totally filled with anxiety. I mean, anxiety to the max. When I get anxious, I cannot eat. I cannot breathe. So anyway, long story short, I was terribly anxious. I hadn't seen my husband since the day he walked out on me. I did pray and ask God for a sign. I said, God, I just need to know. I really need to know. I don't want to be like Thomas. But I need a tangible sign that you are really there and I hate to do this. So I asked for specific signs so that I would know it was from God. I got it. I couldn't believe it. I got it. It was right at the end of the hearing we were outside and I got the sign. So I am so thankful and so grateful for that. I spent the next day and that day grieving. I cried. I knew I had to let it out to be able to work through it. But Friday morning I woke up and I said, Lord, this is a new day. It's over with. I've grieved just like David did when when his son was sick. And then when he died, David stopped grieving. I picked up the pieces and I said, I'm turning over a new leaf. This is it. So thank God for that. I'm very happy. But I wanted to pray for Joyce. I heard on the twenty fourth. And Joyce, you lost your husband in March. You are so, so sad. And I just really feel your pain. I don't know what to say, but look, I'm just going to pray that the Lord carries you through this, that he feels your deepest desires and needs and the loneliness. And I want you to know that we're supporting you and he will carry you through this season of loneliness. We love you and glad you're in the family.

[supercultshow]

Hello Supercult West! This is Supercult South Bad Movie Professor Cameron Coker (BS in “How to make the perfect omelette” with a minor in “The greatest death scene in the history of cinema”) and I’m reaching out to you from across the country to help hype tonight’s screening of Deep Blue Sea!

Deep Blue Sea, doo doo doo doo doo doo  

Deep Blue Sea, doo doo doo doo doo doo 

Deep Blue Sea, doo doo doo doo doo doo

Deep Blue Sea!

…is a 1999 American Sci-Fi Horror starring Samuel L. Jackson, rapper LL Cool J. and a bunch of other people we here at supercult couldn’t care less about.

Here’s the plot, doo doo doo doo doo doo

Man Plays God, doo doo doo doo doo doo

Big Smart Sharks, doo doo doo doo doo doo

Nothing else matters!

And basically that’s all you need to know. There’s some stuff about Altzheimer’s research but it’s basically Alien Resurrection with Sharks.

Deep Blue Sea, doo doo doo doo doo doo Die Hard 2, doo doo doo doo doo doo Cliffhanger, doo doo doo doo doo doo Renny Harlin!

Harlin is the director for all of these films and his IMDB profile calls him “The most successful Finnish film director in the history of Hollywood (…wooo?)

Notice me senpai!

I’m tired of these mutha fikkin’ cliches in this mutha fukkin’ film!

Let us all join hands in prayer for the soul of this god forsaken film…

So, yeah, this film has a very religious message if you just dig deep enough.

I-It’s not like I want to eat you or anything! B-BAKA!

“I hate to interrupt this moment of burgeoning intimacy but can we get the F- out of here?”

Smile, you son of a-

KYAA! Don’t touch me there Senpai! You’re so ECCHI!

License Plate, doo doo doo doo doo doo

Same as Jaws, doo doo doo doo doo doo

Orange sub, doo doo doo doo doo doo

Same as Sphere!

Yep, there’s a homage to Jaws with a now notorious license plate number and the Orange sub is the same mini-sub seen in the end of the movie Sphere a year earlier, which also stars Samuel L. Jackson, but that one doesn’t have any hyper intelligent super sharks in it so nobody gives a sh-

Steven King, doo doo doo doo doo doo

Nearly died, doo doo doo doo doo doo

First day back, doo doo doo doo

Saw Deep Blue Sea!

King said, “My first trip after being smacked by a van and almost killed was to the movies, I went in my wheelchair, and loved every minute of it,” so I think it’s safe to say that this dumb shark movie saved Steven King’s life.

CG Sharks, doo doo doo doo doo doo

Robot Sharks, doo doo doo doo doo doo

Real Shark too, doo doo doo doo doo doo

Real Life Shark! 

Yeah so Thomas Jane, who plays Carter in the film had to swim alongside a real shark for one scene, but he was only allowed to shoot that part after he had completed all of his other scenes…you know…just in case.

Deep Blue Sea, doo doo doo doo doo doo

Christian Film, doo doo doo doo doo doo

Science bad, doo doo doo doo doo doo

Priest kills sharks! 

LL Cool Jay’s priestly character actually sparked several christian reviewers into asserting that Deep Blue Sea is a deeply religious film in which the hero priest survives and God punishes the scientists for their sinful ambition, even though that decision was only made one month prior to release when test audiences revolted against the original ending where Burrows lives and Cool Jay dies like every other stereotypical horror film involving a black guy and a white woman.

Cool Jay Song, doo doo doo doo doo doo

Raps about sharks, doo doo doo doo doo doo  

Shark Fin Song, doo doo doo

My hat is like a shark’s fin! 

*uncontrollable laughter* I mean, aside from how ridiculously 90s this hip-hop movie song tie-in is, he says “My hat is like a shark’s fin”, like, 30 times in the song! I can’t handle it.

Great shark film, doo doo doo doo doo doo

Made money, doo doo doo doo doo doo

Sequel sucked, doo doo doo doo doo doo

Deep Blue 2!

Released direct to video in 2018

It’s the End, doo doo doo doo doo doo

End of Speech, doo doo doo doo doo doo

Supercult West, doo doo doo doo doo doo

Deep Blue Sea!

Deep Blue Sea Hello Supercult West! This is Supercult South Bad Movie Professor Cameron Coker (BS in “How to make the perfect omelette” with a minor in “The greatest death scene in the history of cinema”) and I’m reaching out to you from across the country to help hype tonight’s screening of Deep Blue Sea!

#1990s #Alien Resurrection #Deep Blue Sea #Deepest Bluest #Die Hard 2 #horror #LL Cool J #Renny Harlin #robot sharks #Saffron Burrows #Samuel L. Jackson #sci-fi

[ourimpavidheroine]

so are you saying you never want a comment that disagrees with you? sorry, not trying to be rude, just asking. I don't mean the other kind of comments like transphobic or whatever.

Well, I’m glad you don’t mean transphobic comments (or any others of that ilk) because no one needs to justify and/or explain deleting those. 

What it comes down to is the difference between critique and criticism. A fair amount of readers don’t know (or care, in some cases!) the difference between the two.

A critique is something that the writer (or artist, or whomever) could potentially find useful in improving their craft. 

A criticism is simply complaining about what you don’t like. There is no benefit at all to the creator in question.

So let me give an example:

CRITIQUE

Wait, I’m confused here. Is Wu in love with Qi or not? It’s not clear from that last chapter. 

Why is this helpful? Well, it tells me that the reader is not picking up what I am putting down, so to speak. Now, there could be several reasons for this. It might be that I have not played all of my cards yet - I may have something planned and I am deliberately writing a slow reveal. In which case, all is well! It might be, however, that I have something clear in my head but I am not getting it across to my readers as well as I think I am. In which case, this is very important information! This is good feedback! I can go back and look at my work with a critical eye and say, you know, the reader is right and I am being too vague here, so I need to address this with more clarity in the next chapter (or whatever). I have gotten these kinds of comments and I always publish them. I value them, very much. 

CRITICISM

I was really into this story until you introduced polyamory. It’s a terrible idea. I hate it.

What is the purpose of this remark? Will it help me to improve as a writer? No, it won’t. Will I change my story line because of it? Not even close. Is there anything that I, as a writer, can do with this remark? Absolutely not. But see, that’s the entire point of criticism. When people post comments like that it is all for themselves. There is no real exchange of ideas happening there; there is no response I can give as a writer to them that will be satisfactory. I am certainly not going to apologize because a reader doesn’t like what I have done with a story, be it characterization or plot. Why on earth would I apologize? I’m not sorry I wrote it that way. The reader is under absolutely no obligation to continue reading my story; they certainly haven’t paid for it. Only once has any of the readers leaving these kinds of comments been a reader that had left any kind of other feedback for me. In other words, people who make those kinds of comments have never bothered to engage with me before and are still not engaging with me. They just want to make a dramatic exit and have the last word. Why on earth should I indulge them in this? 

I’ve been active on the internet since 1992; I have watched the rise of the comment section trolls. They don’t actually care about whatever it is they are trolling, despite their strident claims to the contrary. They’re just there to fuck shit up. People who care about something want to enjoy engaging with other fans, not proving other fans wrong. That’s your litmus test, right there. Is this person trying to engage with me in mutual enjoyable discourse or are they there to prove me wrong? If it is the former, then go for it, even if it might get a little heated (because that happens sometimes). If it is the latter, then fuck ‘em.

As I said earlier, my own personal troll here doesn’t actually like my fic and has said that directly. They are reading it for no other reason than to make horrible comments on it. (And this only came about after months of not actually reading my fanfic but coming here on Tumblr and asking my “opinion” on ATLA and/or TLOK which was a transparent excuse to reblog my answers with really nasty commentary on them, attempting to somehow prove me wrong. It was only after I stopped biting on their Asks that they actually went and started reading my fanfic.) I’m not going to help them do that by leaving their comments up on my work; it’s abuse, plain and simple, and I do not feel under any obligation to help an abuser. Especially not my own. My troll has tried over and over again to tell me that I am wrong for deleting their comments, by the way. They absolutely want me to help them by being complicit in my own abuse. Which is, in fact, a textbook abuser’s move; hell, it’s number one on the list. And it’s just not going to happen.

I have watched a lot of young and/or fragile writers pour their hearts and souls into writing fanfic, only to walk away because a reader felt entitled to leave useless, unhelpful and sometimes even cruel criticism. That goes for young artists as well; I’ve seen the absolutely horrible bullying that goes on here on Tumblr. Sending Asks telling an artist to kill themselves! What the actual fuck! It’s why, quite frankly, I have gently dissuaded my daughter from getting a Tumblr account and posting her art here. Those kinds of comments would devastate her. There is a big difference between telling an artist, “Hey, you know, I see you whitewashed Korra there, and as a person of color I’d really like to tell you why that’s a hurtful thing to do us and oh here are some links that explain about it as well,” and telling them to kill themselves or die in a fire or never draw again. But see, that’s the thing. There is a real sense of entitlement that comes with leaving criticism that just blows my mind. To me, it reads as if the consumer of the art thinks that the creator actually owes them something, even if that something is forcing them to pay attention to the consumer by leaving unhelpful, rude and sometimes even abusive commentary. I strongly disagree with this. Creators are not obligated to their fans. Or as Neil Gaiman once famously put it, “[The Creator] is not your bitch.” 

It’s not that big a leap to go from leaving a comment telling a creator that you don’t like something to stalking someone online to making actual threats and/or doxxing them. The anonymity of the internet makes it very easy, in fact. Internet trolls that cross over the line from being an entitled asshole to engaging in actual illegal behavior had to start somewhere. And that start isn’t by reading half a chapter of fic and backing out to find something else they like better or just scrolling past art they don’t like, you know?

Every single time a writer leaves up garbage commentary on their work, they are giving their tacit approval of a reader’s belief that they are entitled to shit all over said work. 

It’s not the same when it comes to a professional writer, of course. For one thing, they are being paid for their work. For another, reviews on Goodreads or Amazon or on review sites aren’t about engaging the author in discourse about their work. Authors (unless they are Anne Rice or something, wooo-weee) are not responding to reviews. Reviews are all about readers getting their chance to let other readers know how they felt about the work. Dude, if I am going to be shelling out cold hard cash for a book then I’d like to read some nuanced reviews of it first, for sure. I ignore the stupid troll ones, of course. Most of those get downvoted anyhow because nobody likes a troll but a troll.

That being said…do we leave reviews on AO3 or Tumblr in order to tell other readers how we felt about a writer’s work? No. We do not. We leave comments, because we are engaging in fandom discourse with the writer, someone else who loves the fandom as much as we do. 

Reviews and comments are not the same thing, kids. There’s a reason why they are two separate words. There is a reason why AO3 and Tumblr (and fanfiction.net, etc.) very deliberately use the word comments and why Goodreads and Amazon and The National Book Review use the word review. Language matters.

In other words, comments ≠ reviews.

Fanfic is not the same as original published work. Fandom is made up of people who love their particular fandom; fanfic is written by writers that are creating transformative works out of love. (Not that we wouldn’t mind money or anything, but that’s not the end goal.) Two completely separate worlds. Sure, sometimes the lines get blurred - I myself once met a writer at a signing whom I admired and embarrassed the hell out of myself by fangirling all over him. (He was very gracious about it.) But he was there to do a signing, not chitterchat over Tumblr for hours over why it is Bolin can lavabend but not metalbend. Totally different scenario. There are quite a few published writers here on Tumblr who engage with their fans, but they are still not engaging with them over their book reviews, I can tell you that much.

And in any case, who the hell scrolls down on AO3 to read all of the comments before they read the fanfic anyhow? I’m not saying that it couldn’t happen, I’m just saying it’s not the general practice. Not even fanfic readers are using the comments section as a means of deciding whether or not they want to read a fic. People read the tags and the summaries and go by word of mouth when it comes to choosing a fanfic to read. Again - comments section, not a review section!

Some fandom creators can handle critique or criticism and some can’t. Some writers leave up all the shit commentary on their fics and that’s fine. It’s their choice and I’m all about choice! But for me, I’m not going to be any part of teaching a reader on AO3 that they are entitled to shit all over someone’s work just because they don’t understand what the hell the comments section is for. I surely am not going to allow them to think that it is okay to be an asshole in my comments section just because they think it is somehow their god-given right to be one. Freedom of speech does not mean I have to let you take a dump all over my front lawn, you feel me? Go crap all over your own space.

It may not hurt me, a crusty old bitch who could care less if some stranger off the internet is offended by polyamory. But it could hurt and discourage other fanfic writers and anyone who has followed me for any length of time knows how much of a Tumblr Mom I am. I want to encourage new creators. I want to support them as they feel their way about, as they try to improve their work. I try to give as much written support as I can in terms of commenting, reblogging, etc. But I also want them to understand that they are not under any obligation to deal with the haters. Comments are not meant to be reviews; they sure as hell are not meant to be criticism. Leaving up hate on my own work does not get that message across to either the haters or the creators who are having to deal with that hate, as far as I am concerned. And that’s why I won’t do it.

#administrative post #suicide cw #trolls #abuse cw #anonymous

[alongwalktoforever]

Goodbye, Until Tomorrow pt 2

Missing Japril moments from when Jackson served April with the papers to the divorce.

Chapter 1: The Decision

Chapter 2: The Night Before 

Jackson

It had been a little inconvenient and slightly stupid, choosing Saturday. He had the wedding and had to write a speech, but he didn’t want to stretch this out. A dark thought occurred to him and even he had to laugh: Is there ever a convenient time to schedule a divorce? The sooner it was over with, the sooner they both can move forward, move on.

He had a plan. They were going to meet at the lawyer’s office at 10am and the wedding wouldn’t start until 1pm. Plenty of time. It wasn’t lost to Jackson that focusing on the logistics was easier than focusing on the reality of the situation. He set out the wedding tux and his divorce suit next to each other. If there was ever an example of irony, it was this. It seemed wrong to have them next to each other. He hid the divorce suit in the closet so he didn’t have to look at it anymore.

Jackson had been staying at a hotel for two weeks now. He had been putting off getting a permanent place. Every time his realtor emailed him a new showing, he felt the strong need to throw up. That felt a little too…final, which was misguided since they were signing the papers tomorrow. In their divorce agreement, Jackson had let April take the apartment, which he had taken some convincing. She had made it clear that she didn’t want anything from him. But he could afford to live anywhere and wanted to give her this, at least. Jackson thought about that old apartment. It held the most important moments of his life, the best and the worst. Their first months as secret newlyweds, finding out that they were pregnant, building the nursery, crying to sleep together, crying to sleep alone. Those moments had all been there. He was leaving behind such a huge part of his life, but that doesn’t mean he was ready to start a new one.

Jackson sat down at the desk and reread all the paperwork to make sure that he had everything that he needed for tomorrow. On top of the pile was a schedule for tomorrow’s preceding.

It was funny how their wedding wasn’t something they planned at all, besides a few phone calls on road and yet their divorce was scheduled down to the minute.

10am: Review documents

10:30am: Discuss any disputes

10:45am: Sign documents

11am: End meeting.

His lawyer had sent over the “official” schedule earlier that week. Jackson thought the lawyer was a complete idiot, but his mother had insisted he was one of the best that money could buy. Their first meeting hadn’t gone well at all.

“Your post-nuptial agreement from your mother’s lawyer is air-tight, which is very very good. She won’t be getting any significant amount of your money or your family’s money,” The lawyer laughed. The damn bastard had laughed. Jackson almost fired him on the spot, but starting the whole process over again was something Jackson couldn’t fathom.

Jackson couldn’t help but remember the day they signed the postnup. His mother had pummeled into town, the force of nature that she was, and decidedly burst the cozy marriage bubble that April and Jackson were enjoying. But it was a non-issue, April never wanted any of Jackson’s money. Hell, she still couponed even when he had seven figures in their bank account. His stomach twisted, when he remembered April’s words from that day.

“I don’t want your money. I want you. A pre-nup or whatever the hell it is, is only for if we get divorced, which were not going to do”

Hindsight was a real bitch. I love her. She’s the one, he had confidently told his mother. And he had truly believed that with all his heart. However, Jackson knew those were different people. Those were the before-April-and-Jackson. They lived in a time before Samuel died in their arms, before Jordan, before the years of hurting each other at every damn turn.

Sometimes, late at night when he couldn’t sleep, Jackson would picture how their lives look in another universe, a universe where Samuel hadn’t died. Would they be a happy family, taking Samuel to the park and pre-school? Would they live in a big house down by the marina where April could raise ducks? Would they have another one on the way? She always wanted a big family.

However, those thoughts never saw the light of day. Those were the thoughts that creep in when you are half-asleep without reason or reality to stop you. But morning always came and Jackson had to accept that they weren’t in that universe, even if he wished with all his might that they were.

No. They were where they were and they had to live with it.

He picked up his phone mindlessly. He scrolled through his messages. He stopped at her name, she was further down since they hadn’t been speaking. The last time they had texted each other was before she had been served the papers.

AK: Hey. You coming by tonight?

JA: I can’t. Skull fracture, probably be here until late.

AK: Ok. good luck. I love you.

He hadn’t responded. He hadn’t said thank you or good night or I love you, too. He remembers feeling annoyed and suffocated. All her kindness and affection just made him angry, because it was too late. She got the papers the next day and the rest was history.

He stood there, staring at his phone. He wanted to call her so badly, it hurt. He wanted one last...something. He threw his phone across the room. No good would come from any of that. He went downstairs to the hotel bar to get a very large glass of bourbon.

April

It was the early days of their elopement. They hadn’t told anyone yet, but they were newlyweds in-love and wanted to act like it. So, they would drive an hour to Bellevue to a small dingy, but no less delicious Italian restaurant, where they would kiss, eat, and be very very merry. On this particular Wednesday night, there was old band playing Frank Sinatra covers. April somehow had convinced Jackson to dance. He had put up a fight at first, but soon he was spinning and dipping her as they laughed together. A slow song began to play and Jackson pulled her in close. She sighed.

‘I never thought I could love someone this much, Jackson.’

Who the pianist? Me too. He’s dreamy,’ She hit him playfully.

‘Hey. I love you’ he whispered in her ear, shivers spread through her whole body.

‘Hey. I love you, too’ she smiled into his chest.

He lifted her chin and kissed her softly on the lips. He was so very hers and she was his and this is all she had ever wanted.

“Hey…. April. Hello? Is anybody in there?” Suddenly, Arizona was in front of her, snapping her fingers in front of April’s face.

“God… Yes! What?” April snapped.

“Hey. Snarkypants. I am not the enemy,” Arizona held up her hands in surrender.

“I’m sorry. Sorry. I just…” She shrugged, not able to articulate the thought.

“Why don’t you go home? I’ll come over, Callie can take Sofia and we can watch movies and pig out. Then tomorrow we drink until our eyes cross. Girls weekend, wooo!” Arizona attempted a pathetic fist pump, but dropped it when she saw April’s expression.

“I... I’m swamped tonight. I can’t” April started to walk away, but Arizona followed her.

“Okay. Okay. But hey, listen here. Tomorrow. I am coming over even if I have to break down the door.” She waited for a response.

“Okay” April nodded.

“Good. And I am going to bring lots and lots of booze.” This caused April to finally smile. Arizona continued, “April? Make sure you take care of yourself today. Not just everyone else.”

With that, Arizona left April to her ER.

After three consecutive MVC’s, April was shocked to see that it was after 2am. The day was long and she spent every minute running around. She was exhausted, too tired to even make it home. She found an open on-call room and decided to try and sleep for a few hours. Tomorrow was the big day. She pondered what people did on the eve of divorces. Drink? Cry? She tried to picture what Jackson was doing. She had seen him in the cafeteria, earlier that day. He was sitting with Karev and Warren, talking. And she felt nothing. Not hurt or longing or anger.

As she lay in the uncomfortable bed, April Kepner was surprised that for once in her life, her mind was completely blank. She wasn’t making lists or planning her next steps or thinking about the people around her. Life kept moving forward and she was just in auto drive. Maybe she had used up all her tears for one lifetime. Maybe this was how she lived now. It would be a welcome change. She had always been the girl that was just about too much for everyone around her. April knew she was not that annoying naive girl anymore, she had been through too much. But that she didn’t mean she know who she was, because she sure as hell wasn’t a wife or a mother.

April realized that she had subconsciously picked their on-call room. The on-call room where April and Jackson had spent their early days when they couldn’t keep their hands off each other. The on-call room where they would sneak off to when they were hiding their marriage. The on-call room where they had spent so many nights entwined together.

She sat up in the dark room. April had to accept that she wasn’t going to get any sleep in this room tonight. Feeling restless, she opened the door and walked straight into Deluca, the intern, whose armful of supplies went flying down the hallway.

“Oh my god. I am so sorry,” April bent down to help pick up everything.

“No no no. My fault. Sorry, Dr. Kepner” He realized that finding all the loose debris was a losing battle.

“Here, I’ll help you restock,” she makes her way towards the supply closet.

“Oh no, you don’t have to do that,”

“It’s okay. I don’t have anything better to do,” they walked in silence for a few seconds.  “Graveyard shift?” April asked as they reached the closet.

“Yeah. Third one this week. I don’t think Webber is fond of me,” Deluca mumbled. They began making a new pile of supplies.  

“I don’t know about that. But everyone has to do graveyard shifts, it is part of being an intern. I remember my intern year, we would play games like capture the flag when it got slow, just to stay alert,” She smiled at the memory. It was Charles’s idea at first, hide a hospital gown or scrub top, whoever found it had to run it to the locker room without being caught. Reed always thought it was too juvenile and April would pretend she agreed even though she was longing to play. But some nights when the boredom was too much, April couldn’t help herself. There was one instance, where she found the top, pretended to be dead, and had an orderly roll her to home base.

‘Damn April, who knew you had it in,’ Jackson laughed as he clapped her on the back. April remembered falling asleep that night, smiling that the cute intern had finally noticed her today. Of course, that was a million years ago.

She heard Deluca ask another question.

“What?”

“I asked, whether you ever won?” This caused April to laugh for the first time all day.

“You bet your ass I did.”

“Well thank you and maybe I’ll turn the pit into a hockey rink. See if I can’t get my own game going,” He picked up the supply pile and did an awkward head nod goodbye as he walked out the door, leaving April alone in the closest. She turned to leave when she realized what a mess Deluca had left the place. See this is why people hate interns, she thought to herself. Her inner clean-freak wouldn’t let her leave until the supply closet was somewhat organized. She putting a bedpan away when she spots something from the corner of her eye. It wasn’t large or shiny, but April felt her eyes drawn to the object. She reaches down and picks up it without thinking, it was a standard pregnancy test. How was it that something so small could hold so much weight?

April couldn’t help but think back on the two occasions she had to use them. The first had been the ill-fated pregnancy scare that had sent Jackson and her retreating away from each other, too scared to deal with the depth of their feelings. The second time had been just as inopportune as the first. They had a terrible argument that caused her to stay at Callie and Arizona’s house. She had picked a fight and pushed him until he cracked, she knew that. She was just so scared at how different their beliefs were. How were they going to raise a family together if they couldn’t even agree on such an important part of who she was?

April had run away to her friends’ house. It was there that she figured out why she was being so emotional. She was late, very late. She had been so wrapped up in married life that she hadn’t put it together, not until she had seen one of Callie and Arizona’s pregnancy tests bought in their excitement of trying for another kid. April remembered sitting in the bathroom for a long time, staring at the box. She finally got enough courage to use the test and after three terrifying minutes, there was no denying the plus sign. She was never the same after that moment. She became a mother. Even when Samuel died, she could never go back to who she was before. That person had died along with her son.

She grew up believing God doesn’t give you anything that you can’t handle. God has a plan for everything and everyone. When God closes a door, he opens a window. Standing in this supply closet, April did not feel his guidance. She just felt stupid. What was the point? Why had it turned out like this?

On the day of Samuel’s birth and death, April had felt that God was laughing at her, even in her grief she had felt his presence. But now, April stared at the pregnancy test and thought about all that could have been and all that she lost, she felt no presence at all

She needed to be far away from the hospital. She ran from the supplies closet only stopping to grab her keys from the attendings’ lounge. As she reached her car, the sky was getting lighter in the morning dawn. She didn’t even bother turning on any lights when she made it home. She walked straight into bedroom and the minute her head touched the pillow, April fell thankfully and dreamlessly asleep.

#JAPRIL #japriledit #jackson avery #april kepner #jackson x april #jackson and april #april and jackson #grey's anatomy #ga #goodbye until tomorrow #if you thought the last chapter was sad #booooiii it only gets worse from here

[bonniejstarks]

OPI MEXICO CITY SWATCHES & REVIEW SPRING SUMMER COLLECTION 2020

Surprise! It’s me! Me and the upcoming OPI Mexico City Collection for Spring/Summer 2020! How is this even possible? Because OPI made the trip up to Canada and showed it to me so I could show it to you! Fabulous, right?

This 12-shade collection officially launches February 1, 2020 but some of you savvy online shoppers already have it in hand. I don’t know why it’s already available, but it is – all that distribution, official seller, online selling stuff is way beyond me. All I know is that once I see swatches start appearing online, it’s go time. So let’s go – all the way to Mexico City!

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opi mexico city swatches & review

OPI Hue is the Artist – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020

OPI Hue is the Artist – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020 (above). I started here because I always start with the lightest shades first. This one made a smile. It’s got a teeny tiny hit of rosy pink blush with a beautiful level and shine. Use a light hand and you’ll be good to go.

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OPI Hue is the Artist + Glitter To My Heart – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020

OPI Hue is the Artist + Glitter To My Heart – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020 (above). Seriously, I’m never, ever, ever going to be too old to play glitter. This cutie is from the OPI Hello Kitty Holiday 2019 Collection and it’s really quite smashing over many things – especially a super-white pink.

OPI Mexico City Move-Mint – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020

OPI Mexico City Move-Mint – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020 (above). My notes here say “seriously floaty to avoid drag marks but easy to apply if you know how.” Well now you know how. Yay! The notes also say “Is it green? Is it blue? Is it both? *Shrug*.” When I got to it I thought it was blue. Then as I painted it, I thought it was mint-green. Then I thought it was minty blue. Then I thought I’d lost my mind. It’s both. I think. Maybe.

OPI Verde Nice To Meet You – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020

OPI Verde Nice To Meet You – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020 (above). 2 coats no top. The formula on this one is a little thicker than the first two. She dries down a touch darker than you think, but she’s still super-shiny and levels herself out perfectly.

OPI Don’t Tell A Sol – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020

OPI Don’t Tell A Sol – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020 (above). That right there is 2 coats. On account of the sidewall streaks you can’t see, I should maybe have done 3. Why didn’t I? Because no matter how great they might make my digits look, life is too short to mess with tricky polishes.

OPI Don’t Tell A Sol + My Chihuahua Doesn’t Bite Anymore – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020

OPI Don’t Tell A Sol + My Chihuahua Doesn’t Bite Anymore – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020 (above). Wooo hoooo!! I totes nail arted! Hallo, Mexico City! Hallo, total distraction from the streaky sidewalls that you can’t see! I’m pretty sure me ‘n my dotting tool just won all the things. We did, right? I’m not just fooling myself?

OPI Coral-ing Your Spirit Animal – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020

OPI Coral-ing Your Spirit Animal – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020 (above). And when the clouds roll by my window, weird skin tone happens. But I should talk about this polish because I think maybe that’s why you’re here? Okay, here’s the thing: when I apply pressure to the brush, it does this weird kind of splitting thing in the middle. That splitting thing makes for maddening streaks and imperfect cuticle lines. I’ve been having this issue with OPI Pro-Wide brushes off-and-on for the past few years. It’s not all the brushes, but some of them, and sometimes. It usually doesn’t matter so much, but with this particular shade, it made application not so fun.

OPI Mural Mural On The Wall – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020

OPI Mural Mural On The Wall – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020 (above). Oooh! Dat’s pretty! That’s 3 coats + top and she’s stuffed with a whole bunch of fab flecks! You’re looking at this thinking it’s really gorgeous and wonderfully unexpected from OPI – it is. I’m looking at it and thinking that I totally should have turned on an extra light when I was filing my nails in front of the TV last night. *Note to self: fix shape of index nail before painting next shade.*

OPI Telenovela Me About It – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020

OPI Telenovela Me About It – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020 (above). At first bottle glance, I didn’t even see the shimmerz. Then at second (once I started slappin’ it on in 2 coats + top), I was all “Oh! Hallo, shimmerz! So pretty! So, not as ho-hum as I thought it would be!” I love this shade. A lot.

OPI My Chihuahua Doesn’t Bite Anymore – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020

OPI My Chihuahua Doesn’t Bite Anymore – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020 (above). Ooof. The sun came out in full force for this shot – it’s crazy how freakin’ saturated it is. Also, it’s crazy that I didn’t notice that little fuzzy that I apparently painted right in on my ring finger. Oops. And here’s a fun fact for you: this shade is a nod to the now classic original OPI My Chihuahua Bites from the 2006 Mexico Collection. If you’re an OPI nerd, you knew that.

OPI Me Casa Es Blue Casa – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020

OPI Me Casa Es Blue Casa – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020 (above). That’s 2 coats no top to a super-duper-hard-to-shoot-colour-correct blue. I feel confident I came as close as humanly possible to shade-actual, but do both of us a favour and look at many swatches and mind-smush them all together before you hit the “buy” button, k? Your results may vary. This is real close though. Like, real close.

OPI ¡Viva OPI! – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020

OPI ¡Viva OPI! – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020 (above). I wish OPI would just stop putting punctuations and hyphens into their names – Google doesn’t understand that stuff; it makes it hard to search for, and it’s maddening to type. Let’s just call this Viva OPI, k? Or vibrant poppy red in 2 coats + top for mega shiny-shine.

OPI Mariachi Makes My Day – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020

OPI Mariachi Makes My Day – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020 (above). There’s not a lot I can tell you that you can’t see from this picture – in 2 coats with no top, it’s a purple with a tiny hit of dusty. It’s good.

OPI Suzi’s Slinging Mezcal – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020

OPI Suzi’s Slinging Mezcal – OPI Mexico City Collection 2020 (above). And finally, the Suzi shade! This right here is 2 coats with no top. I waited to see if them streaks would dry down, but sadly, they don’t.

OPI Mexico City Collection SS2020 Composite ©Beautygeeks

So there you are, friends! The whole shebang! And before I leave you, I gotta give you this linky that I found on the interwebz. It makes me want ALL the OPI Mexico City polish!

photo via https://www.zachdoleac.com/

Oh – and I should also mention that all 12 shades will be available in Classic Lacquer, Infinite Shine, and Gel Color. Six will be available in Powder Perfection. What’s Powder Perfection? It’s a pro product – more on that later.

Now let’s talk! Or not! Wheeeee!!!

xok.

manicures & photos karen (she has another OPI collection on her desk to show you and she’s stupid-excited about it even though she can’t show it to you for another coupla months). prsamples✓ ©2019BEAUTYGEEKS imabeautygeek.com

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