#my body is fucked up right now

[treasureplcnet]

assorted bodies doodles (transcript of that messy relationship square under the cut due to my handwriting/incoherency)

TAKE THESE W A GRAIN OF SALT i am like 90% joking:

hillinghead -> hasan, and vice versa: immediate mutual respect

hillinghead -> whiteman: he's incredibly smart, deceptively cunning but very kind. but he is also so annoying oh my god--

hillinghead -> maplewood: "please someone explain science fiction to me"

whiteman -> iris, and vice versa: two friends secretly think of the other as the sidekick

whiteman -> hillinghead: annoying him is quickly becoming a favorite pasttime

whiteman -> hasan: will not admit it but he wants parenting tips from her

hasan -> whiteman: has slipped a parenting book to him

hasan -> maplewood: deja vu about their future weirds her out a little, but she trusts her

iris -> hillinghead: fond of him from the time they spoke in the prison. enjoys fucking with him

iris -> hasan: SHE'S THE GOAT

#re: while i like whiteman being a funny comic relief type character in this lineup (less comic relief and more witty and funny) #i do recognise that he's not rly like that in canon. much more cunning and able to blend into whatever situation he can #able to say the right things when he needs to (right after farrell dies) and deflecting of any real observations (with calloway) #its very chameleon like to the point of giving up a very integral part of his identity to safeguard himself-- #even though he cares very much about it (the way he reacts to antisemitic comments and his face drops when farrell mentions the synagogue) #now what is actually annoying to hillinghead is that he knows karl can actually be very gracious he's still choosing to fuck with him LOL #the annoyance spreads to iris too. i rly think iris-karl buddy cop duo could be so funny #i actually really need more fic or art of them all interacting . here's how bodies s2 can still happen. #bodies netflix #karl weissman #esther jankovsky #sharara hasan #alfred hillinghead #iris maplewood #and sorry to hillinghead who is not drawn well. kyle soller 1 treasureplcnet 0 #my art #and im not quite sure why theyre having breakfast tgt in that first comic. perhaps bc the original meme has them like that LOL

[b4kuch1n]

siren

#bakuspecial #cw: nudity #cw: body horror #monster #siren! I think. they're bird to me #I think this has been brewing since that stream mim did of drawing dnd monsters only from official text description #and when the official art for the sirens were shown I was like. oh thats just a woman with wings #lmao like. granted. its an official dnd book available for all audience. you cant make it too Bad To Look At #(I do not agree with this but it wasnt about me. if its about me its gonna be about very few people lmao) #but yeah. after that I got slightly too into the idea of putting more bird into birdwoman #but I also do genuinely love monsters that are Rearranged Human Parts so. I couldnt commit too much to the bird scales Im so sorry #I wanted the fleshiness. the feel. textural experience of holding her hands and being like oh that's a human #even when ur eyes tell u otherwise. mmm #...I looked to my right as I was typing these tags and saw. the fucked up pikmin I tried to sculpt the other day along with the pin #and got startled #its so. its so fucked up. gods. dusty white naked grainy parsnip #I used to have that one doll I butchered wanting to customize in a box next to me and thats way less upsetting than this. man #its perfect actually I will never throw this thing away. anyways #now. now I go to bed. its sleep time for the baku #have a good night lads! you CAN have it both way easily you just need a big bat

[starry-bi-sky]

more cfau miscellaneous things because Childhood Friends Danny and Jason have my head and heart always and I need to finish rewriting chapter two dammit (and redo the half-finished chapter 4 because its just Not The Vibes). i'm almost through I need to get through the graveyard scene. (i just stubbornly refuse to have it be shorter than the original chapter and thats the little death. that is the mind killer.)

Danny and jason’s ghost forms both smell faintly like burnt flesh and cigarettes. However, Jason has a more smokey smell while Danny’s smells almost,,, electrical? In a sense? Like he just straight up smells like burnt flesh and sulphur while Jason smells like someone put him in a smoker first.

It’s very much an unpleasant smell but Danny finds an odd comfort in it just as much as he finds a comfort in the smell of nicotine.

(Jason post-revival smells burnt flesh once and is immediately offput by the fact that it brings him an instinctive comfort. He doesn’t realize its because it reminds him of Danny, and is uncomfortable by it.)

-

In an au of an au, Danny’s altercation with Rath ends with Rath regaining enough of his sanity to snap out of the grieving state and ends with him breaking down. Instead of being souped and imprisoned, Rath, who is permanently 14, decides to Move On into the unknown. He’s exhausted, heartbroken, and tired.

(Is this influenced heavily by the ParaNorman scene where he talks to Agatha and helps her move on? Yes. But it doesn’t fit with the Original Storyline so im shoving it into an Au of an Au.)

Rath tells Danny that Jason lied to them (which he genuinely believes), and that he’s tired of waiting/looking for him/grieving. Jason is gone. He isn’t coming back, he abandoned them. And he wants his mom and dad, and his sister, and his friends. And he’s ready to join them.

He leads Danny out to Gotham, which other than Amity Park might’ve been the only city left untouched due to Rath’s own mental block on the place. They go out to the park he and Jason used to frequent or up to one of crime alley’s rooftops, and there Rath lies down and goes to sleep. Only to never wake up again, materializing into nothing as his soul moves on.

Before Rath leaves, he forces Danny to promise him that he’ll only wait for Jason for ten years. After that if he doesn’t find him, or if Jason doesn’t show, then Danny has to move on. Whether that be like how Rath does, or if its inly mentally/emotionally, doesn’t matter. He has to move on. Don’t wait for him. Don’t waste his time any more.

(“Oh, and if you find him, kick his ass for me.”)

Danny reluctantly agrees, and Rath lies down. Danny sings to him as he falls asleep.

(Angsty points if the vigilantes including Red Hood caught wind of their presence and were silently watching from the shadows. Rath might know they’re there, but Danny’s too focused on Rath to notice.)

(If only so that Red Hood realizes that this is what happened to Danny, and that Danny is gone before he can make things right. The tragedy, folks. The angst. The initial realization that Danny was Rath, and then also that Danny was dead and has been dead for years, and that before he moved on, he moved on believing that Jason abandoned him.)

(like i said it doesn't fit in the original timeline/storyline hence why its an au of an au and isn't nearly a fleshed out, but i was largely just focusing on the tragedy of Rath moving on and Jason being alive to see it and realize just who Rath is.)

-

Just like how the Lazarus pits shot Jason's twiggy 4'6-5'4 (depending on what you find) feet tall and 86lb ass up like a tree an essentially fixed his malnutrition, the portal did the same thing for Danny.

(granted i forgot about malnutrition and danny's likely stunted growth at first -- his family lived in crime alley and despite both his parents working, I don't think they had enough food all the time. He probably wasn't as badly malnourished as Jason was, but he wasn't healthy either.)

Granted his ghost in its "natural" state (14) is short, and his growth spurts were slow at first, it did result in him reaching his dad's height. There were points where it just happened overnight, like a baby. He went to bed one night 5’6 and woke up the next day 5’10.

Jazz is shorter than him. Although I have't decided if she's even liminal at all (and if she is, it didn't cure everything because she would have also suffered childhood malnutrition, and since in au canon their parents didn't get their hands on physical ectoplasm until after they got to Amity Park. So the exposure is less.)

-

Danny's voice absolutely sounds like canon Dan's. It kinda just dropped one day when he was 16-17 and never went back up. Sam and Tucker sometimes ask him to just talk about anything because they find his voice soothing.

I'm not sure yet how Danny would feel about it at first considering Rath, but I imagine that Rath, when he did speak, would have had a quieter and scratchier/weaker voice considering he's spent the last decade shrieking and crying.

(and i suppose technically that shouldn't have any effect on his throat considering he's a ghost and idk if that would actually affect him, but i like the idea so im keeping it)

In the beginning you could hear him from a mile away by the sound of his loud, echoing wails, but ten years later you can only really hear him by the soft, shuddering sobs he makes. Like he's gasping for air that isn't there. The future is full of very quiet survivors.

And it's much easier to speak when you pitch your voice upwards (especially when whispering/speaking quietly) so he might've spoken in a higher, airy pitch in order to be heard. So Danny might actually find a comfort in having a lower voice.

#tw mentions of gore #cw gore #i suppose this counts as gore #dp x dc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc #dpxdc crossover #childhood friends au #cfau #really leaning into the idea of rath just being a horror. the horrors! i am delighted in the horrors! #im having fun with it #i swear to god turning 19 turned a switch on in my brain because i am much more comfortable with gore and heavy injury now than i was l #literally a year ago. the urge to write about some of danny's most horrific injuries in his fights is STRONG #like the hORRORS folks. *th horrors*. i dont think i'll ever write a dissection fic because that icks me out but the idea that danny's had #to stitch up his own throat because it got slit in a fight nd he cant shift back to human until he's done because his ghost will survive bu #his body wont #the idea that he's been impaled multiple times before and it hurts each fucking time but he still gets up and hurls the hurt right back in #equal measure. because that's how you wanna play? okay. lets play. he's 14 and his best friend is dead. he can play. #and the idea that all ghosts have 'corpse' forms where their ghosts look exactly like how they died. and danny is utterly unrecognizable #jazz being liminal or not just isnt important to me because she's barely gonna show up in the story anyways #same reason why i hardly use the headcanon that ellie becomes danny's daughter because what use is she to me like that? she'll hardly have #an impact on the story and i refuse to treat characters like props. if they can't help progress the story then they aren't included

[umblrspectrum]

ive been procrastinating a lot, and you'll NEVER guess why

#truly a game that just lets me be fucking malicious #just straight up evil #i punched every single cerberi in the dick until they died #the boss will be stunned and you'll just see +DISRESPECT +DISRESPECT #it took p-ranking all of act 1 to realize that +DISRESPECT is just for punching the guys and NOT for punching them square in the balls #speaking of which i've p-ranked all of act 1 on violent and i only bought the game 5 days ago #act 2's giving me a fucking headache so maybe not #unrelated finally i can draw my two favorite things in the same frame. body horror and robots #ultrakill #v1 ultrakill #flesh prison ultrakill #v1 #flesh prison #minos prime #ultrakill minos #he's implied. i'll tag him anyway #ill get back to murder drones eventually #right now im in my ultrakill arc #and oh boy am i turning evil

[puppyeared]

Pajamas

#still trying to get the hang of drawing tummies #I always forget theres like. stuff between the collarbone and the hips. sometimes I forget hips exist 🗿 #my brains so used to it now that drawing like. riblines and stomachs feels like the body is ‘””’too long’ #I pose in the mirror a lot for reference and she ends up being my guinea pig 🧍 #I cant do complex stuff comfortably though. I have a hard time wrapping my head around foreshortening #walking around in a crop top and underwear is funnn. maybe they were right about those #swimsuit outfits. I want to draw more like these #no not swimsuit I was thinking of the fucking. the big jakt or big pant post. you already know which one I fall under #my art #myart #doodles #my oc #oc #Augusta #partial nudity #OH THAT WAS THE WORD I WAS TRYING TO THINK OF #I posted this in another server but I felt the need to spoiler it and I couldn’t remember the word #like its not suggestive and there are no genitals. but shes technically in her underwear and showing a lot of skin #cw partial nudity

[haitani-trash]

It’s such a fucked up thought that people will be relieved when they get their periods not because of normal fear of becoming pregnant, but because they could LITERALLY BE CONVICTED OF MURDER IF THEY HAVE AN ABORTION

#i can’t #I’m done existing #i have so much anger #and every day I think of something new and fucked up that people with uteruses will have to go through now to not have a child #whether it’s wanted but too dangerous or unwanted #it’s so fucked up I don’t have any words to describe how I feel #as a woman I’m fucking enraged #but I also know that as a Canadian my rights are protected (for now) #and I just feel such a deep sadness and despair for every person with a uterus in America #so many people are going to die #they just want to eliminate us don’t they #roe v wade #abortion #my body my choice #fuck America

[bigcats-birds-and-books]

Books of 2023. VILLAINS by V. E. Schwab.

Time for a NaNo Prep Reread! I love Victor and this vicious little family with my whole chest. This'll be my second time rereading VICIOUS, but only my first time rereading VENGEFUL.

#books of 2023 #villains #vicious #vengeful #ve schwab #books #book photography #seriously i love these so much #shades of magic was good but vicious as my heart lol #vicious held up on the first reread a few years ago so im excited to dissect it for the Revenge Arc this time #i feel vaguely bad because i remember nothing about marcella but. tbf. how could i when victor and sydney and mitch are RIGHT there #also this is just. so much better. than hench.... #i finished hench at three o'clock this morning just to be Done #the pacing was Messy™ and it didn't get better #definitely brutal and fucked up (that body horror at the end was epic actually) but. overall mediocre for me.... #parts did make me laugh and i'm love the spreadsheets take but. i couldn't get over the pacing #WHICH AGAIN I KNOW IS RICH COMING FROM ME #sigh #anyway i read the first scene this afternoon but now i'm gonna watch nate wreaking havoc in heist fambly while my laundry goes #and THEN bedtime reading

[glorious-spoon]

.

#it is one of those weeks where eating is not working and i get to remember once again how fucked diet culture is #because every time i try to google 'calorie dense snacks' so i can get some fucking food in my body it's like #'pair a quarter cup of fat free yogurt with six sliced almonds for a healthy snack!!' #like no! fuck you! my problem right now is that my fucked up brain has currently decided that all food is gag inducing #i am trying to get calories into my body as efficiently as possible! stop giving me diet tips!

[uncreativebean]

I wanna see more about the transitional period from where TFP Soundwave was all beefy gladiator to skinny boi so badly

#i just wanna see more about that time period before the war started #i wanna see the gladiators #i wanna see megs and soundwave fighting #i really wanna see how fucked up soundwave was when he first was all de-buffed #he had to learn to walk without all the heavy machinery and fight without it too right?? #i feel like he still is super strong as in he retained his original strength but his body is way skinnier now #i just wanna see Him doing Him Things #soundwave #tfp soundwave #transformers prime #tf #transformers #tfp #my posts

[shima-draws]

Currently feel like I’ve been hit by a truck, hope you all are faring better than me lol

#Bro I was so. SO fucking sick last night #It was legitimately awful. Like there was a point where I thought ‘dying would be better than this’ #I can’t remember the last time I’ve been this sick #Emetophobia tw ahead— #But yeah I was throwing up like all night #And it was freezing inside the house so I was having like. MAJOR chills #I probably also had a fever at the time too fjdnndn #My body is so sore and achy it really does feel like I’ve been hit by a car #Just the combo of being in pain + being nauseous + having severe chills #And you know that feeling right before you throw up where you get the shivers so bad. IT WAS THE WORST. THE WORST!!!!! #I actually had to lie on my back for most of the night bc that helped curb the nausea a little #But ooough. The torture ladies and gents. #I still feel like shit but not nearly as bad as last night #Nausea’s gone now (thank GOD) #Hey do not get sick 0/10 do not recommend ever. #Shima speaks #Help I’m so achy and tired and sore and I just wanna sleep. My body will not let me tho 😭

[givemewallywestorgivemedeath]

okay weird q incoming but what ways do you think speedsters can get sick? Like to my understanding, they can’t really come down with normal virus’ like the flu, right? But they could get things like chronic migraines?

NANOBOTS!!! This is one of the best pieces of canon lore ever. I did a whole post on it but TLDR: normal human metabolisms have so much shit going on that they don't even notice nanobots in their body BUT speedsters have hyper accelerated metabolisms that are the equivalent of the straight A's overachiever in school on meth. So speedster metabolisms do notice nanobots and they attack full force, triggering all of the body's defenses and responses.

But the nanobots are metal so it obviously doesn't do anything. It just leaves the speedster lethargic, feverish, vomiting, dizzy, with a headache, sore muscles and a runny nose, ect. It's basically an allergic reaction.

Now, poisoning them can work depending on what the poison is/what the dosage is. You would need a 100% fatal poison and you would need a fairly high dose. Because speedsters heal fast and they have a hyper accelerated metabolism, so any poison that is based on toxicity (alcohol poisoning for example) would be out of their system faster than it could even take effect.

But poisons that can't be cleared out/processed by the body (take cyanide for example, it binds with the chemical receptors in your body making it physically impossible to use oxygen) wouldn't really be affected by their metabolism at all. So while the speedsters could heal the damaged tissues from these poisons fairly quickly (making it seem as though they were only slightly affected) they would ultimately need time to do so, time they would not have if it kills them first. This isn't technically what you are asking because there would be no substance that 'makes them sick', there would only be 'fine', 'not fine for like a minute and then fine again' and 'dead'. (... unless they were hooked up to a steady supply of the toxin)

Likewise, (this is getting more into theoretical territory, less canon) there might be some illnesses that would affect them? Not for long but if you got something super fucking fatal like Rabies, it might make them display mild cold symptoms for a day or something.

I don't know though. They have really fucking good immune systems. And even super fatal diseases can be fought. Take my example of Rabies, while it is commonly thought to be 100% fatal once symptoms show up there actually have been cases of people surviving it. Rabies is a very stealthy and fast disease, so the main problem with treating it is that your body's immune system isn't fast enough to stop it. People have survived by being placed in medically induced comas (slowing their bodily functions and thus the disease) for long enough that the medication can eradicate it. So for a speedster? That's gone in a minute tops. You would need an insane disease that I'm not sure even exists.

There's also like... pregnancy and menstruation. Growing pains, muscle pain from running is a BIG ONE, being dehydrated/starvation, blood loss, ect. Lots of ways to fuck with a speedster in a way they can't immediately fix.

There are also speedster specific ailments. It's basically 50/50 if a natural born speedster gets a weird highly fatal aging disease. Sometimes speedsters can be born without a kinetic energy shield which makes using their powers at all incredibly fatal to them. All speedsters will have connectivity issues at some point that can be fatal. Sometimes Time Gets Bad™ (shout out to when Barry kept chronically stealing time from people/things every time he used his powers). Sometimes they have too much energy and can't maintain human form (shout out to when Wally didn't know what the speedforce was and was accidentally cosplaying Ghost Rider). Velocity 9 is a highly addictive drug that works on speedsters and makes them display typical addiction behavior (and withdrawal). V9 can also cause a speedster to 'overdose' (burst into flames/lightning/energy). They all have the constant urge to yeet themselves into the speedforce. Ect.

#here's the thing: they are made of speedforce but its not a skin deep thing. you feel me? like their CELLS are made of speedforce #so all shit still affects them #i keep saying that they don't need oxygen or food to survive and thats true but its only if they're actively compensating with speedforce #cause they can get energy from the speedforce or they can get energy from oxygen and food or both. they can't do neither #and they don't really *know* or understand that theyd be fine with JUST speedforce energy. they still think they need oxygen and food #so if they were suffocating or something they might instinctively crank up the speedforce to compensate but they're also very stupid #so they might just die. idk it really depends on who it is how much they know and how much SF they're drawing on #cause like... energy beings need energy yo #i hope this makes sense #the muscle pain one is interesting cause Wallys early runs are really big on the whole hitting the wall thing #he would hit a wall that he physically couldn't break through and it caused him a lot of pain. #some of that was not being hooked up properly cause Wally wasn't hooked up properly until he was an ADULT #because he is FUCKING INSANE and he just went 'huh i guess this is my limit and i will stay below it' liKE AN INSANE PERSON #anyway some of it was SF issues and some of it was mental but he actually got really really hurt anytime he got close to the wall #REALLY bad muscle pain. and like... it was potentially extremely fatal. 'breaking down your body into little bits' fatal #he doesn't get that anymore because hes properly hooked up now but jfc that man treated 'entering the death zone' like it was #the high score to beat at his local arcade. he took it as a fucking challenge. absolutely insane dude right there

[atissi]

did you know you can draw whatever you want. its crazy

#i drew this right before finals and i was so desperate to finish it because i thought it looked amazing #and in the process i completely fucked up the lower body #and i was like oh okay thats fine ill just fix it when i have more time #then proceeded to not work on any of my essays because i was So Sure i could fix it #i was like yes of course. if i get Another reference picture surely this will make everything more clear. #now i just overworked it to the degree i cant tell why it looks wrong anymore. i learned a lesson here #never push your comfort zone. never draw crop tops. never draw 20 versions of something just give up at the 3rd #but i liked the colours so its getting posted anyways #my art #my ocs #<-- i guess

[maliciousalice]

👕 & 🍽️? For the trek ask game

Heheh thanks for Asking Meg!!! All aboard another long winded ramble about my wife ST: Voyager!!!!!

👕 Character whose fashion you like.

While I answered in the last one, I think I'll add to it by saying I love the Ds9/Voyager Uniforms--Infact I'm a HUGE sucker for them--At least to me, they feel like THE signature trek costume rather than TNG or TOS ones. Plus, they are fun to draw! I love how they look on the actors with the structured upper half, and loose, high-waisted pants that give everyone the illusion of height.

Those that are dressed in the uniform are portrayed with a respectable heft and a pleasant, overall shape. I know it's not the case, but they look like they are really practical. This is fully intentional as the lead costume designer said they wanted the suits to appear modular and have advantages in different environments. That's why sometimes they are unzipped or twisted around, depending on the narrative.

I could go on and on about them. I act feral over how they look when when all the actors stand together, turned in various ways, posing so that that folds pucker on their joints, or when subtle differences in their body sizes take up screen. It just looks so cool! I'm a big fan of squad-based, colour-coded uniforms and clean silhouettes.

Most importantly though, it gives them all BODY-ODY-ODY!!!

AYO WHICH LOCATION THEY AT??? CW: GORILLA DUMPIES!!! 👀👀👀 😳😳😳😳

🍽️What alien food/drink would you want to try?

I wish I could find the video but I've seen bits and pieces about how they designed the food on the sets and I think it's super charming!

Lots of effort went into considering the cuisine. It just about decorates every set and It was important to the show. Voyager engaged in a lot visual gags, or dialog discussing food. It was in a comforting way that would present the characters with their personal ideals of home.I find that subtext of world-building really endearing.

Many scenes involved characters bonding in the mess hall, socializing around food, or isolating with it to gain a sense of self. In contrast, it's used as a device for diplomacy, or to make settings seem more alien, unnavigated and removed from regular comforts. It's even incorporated into main plot points, such as with Tuvok in ''Riddles'', when he gains a newfound skill around cooking after a serious accident, and he solves the plot by decorating a code on a cake. Through food, we saw a lot of what it could be like to be a crew member on the ship, and live inside their Universe. It wasn't always pretty but they made it work.

We have a really rich food bowl and diverse food-culture In Australia, I love noticing exotic food that are used as set decoration of as props--I am used to seeing tropical fruit or Asian ingredients around my community, so it's fun to see it transformed. And much like the characters in Voyager, I relate to the comfort and the charting of new territories when it comes to seeing/ eating food.

I suspect being a chef / working in hospitality would be an interesting occupation in Trek. Everyone complains about the lack of authenticity from replicated food, so I'm sure being a good Chef would be worth your while.

I genuinely want to try Old-mate Neelix's cooking. He seems so creative and passionate about what he plates up, and he CLEARLY (they all put on weight haha) kept the crew well-fed. ''Bitches make do'', but you can tell he cares by the questions he askes everyone, or the detail he places into his recipes. I'd like to see what all the fuss is about with Leeola Root Stew. I bet it's not that bad! (I like bitter food) Or better, serve me up a Jimbalian Fudge cake! It's so quaint how there is an evolution to his work as he gets more integrated with everyone.

(crying over this ^) Neelix Nation Rise Up!!!!

#SOBBING I LOVE STARTREK VOYAGER SO MUCH!!!!!! #thankyou if you read my thoughts again lmao the other one is popping off hahaha #i did not proof read this at all so sorry if it's a fucking mess (not much unlike my other textposts lolololol) #now i just want to redraw frames of the body music video with the command crew lmao #i think about this stuff & how it's so underrated in the way that the the REAL subtext behind the characters is right there but y'all slee #instead people are busy infighting or making up stuff little truth behind it when it's actually alot of sincere material is available #dont mind me being a FREAK over their visual language and body dimensions idk #i fucking love just SCANNING the frames and being like YUM A CURVE ON THEIR ARM or a WOW THE SHAPE OF THEIR WAIST #TY MEGGG I HOPE THIS ISNT A BAD RESPONSE IM SO BAD AT PROSE LMAO #neelix #kathryn janeway #chakotay #tuvok #star trek voyager #startrek voyager #st voyager #SORRY ANOTHER BIG TEXT POST #theartmeg

[bl33ditout]

i HATE my skin. i HATE having a body. i want to go away and just be a ghost

#it's never ever ever ever ever good enough #i fucking hate this plump ass body #i hate how no matter what i do it just doesn't change #i'm STILL getting pimples galore around my fucking mouth and chin area and i just want to give up and cry #i know this might sound really silly to worry about - #i know it's first-world-problems of me to be like this and like don't get me wrong i'm still grateful for a LOT in my life #like a lotta good and positive changes are happening right now irl and it's a wonderful thing #and compared to some people's worries? this issue of mine is minuscule i know #i just feel so disgusting whenever i look into a mirror. that's the truth of it all #nothing seems to work #i just know my body and skin is capable of more than this? i know i can look better but it's like it's so stubborn #it just makes me so mad at myself and depressed #i am practicing ALL of the skincare guidelines. i am on a very restrictive (but healthy) diet and what do i get? nothing #u'm just so fucking tired of looking and feeling mediocre and gross all the fucking time #i hate it i hate it i hate it #all i can see is just every single flaw of mine #tw vent #tw body dysmorphia #tw bdd #tw mental illness

[icewindandboringhorror]

sometimes looking at like Self Help Strategies lists for the symptoms I'm having is always just like:

thing that I already do

thing I have tried 10 times

thing I already do

thing that I don't have the money to do

thing I already do

thing I've been doing since I was 10yrs old to no avail

thing that is impossible given my situation

thing that doesn't apply to me

thing that I already do

thing I have already tried

hrmm, oh wait, maybe finally- OH, yeah.. okay. thing that I already do but it was just phrased slightly differently

thing I have already done

#I think maybe productivity tips help less if the reason you're unproductive is partially like.. physcial health and other extenral things #out of your control. rather than just like having trouble paying attention or spending too much time on tiktok or whatever #all the strategic to do lists in the world are not going to somehow prevent me from waking up with a debilitating migraine or whatever #or having external stressors or lacking resources and connections or other Productivity Essentials etc. #especially many tips involve stuff like 'cut off from social media' since thats the modern day time waster for so many poeple #and it's like.. lol.. i can hardly even maintain a blog even thuogh i actively WANT TO DO SO. 'shut off your smart phone!' already #done babey i fucking hate smart phones i shall never use an app unless i am forced to. 'delete tiktok' yep. already covered. tiktok and #all of those thinsg are my enemies. 'save money by cancelling some of your services' cool. already ahead of you. #who the fuck is out here paying for like 10 different subscription services. pirated videos uploaded to google drive and youtube to mp3 #my beloved. etc. etc. and so on. 'socialize less' .........LOL.. if only you knew.. mr.writer of the article. i can barely muster #talking to friends more than once a month and even less if I'm actively sick (often occurence) etc. etc. ... hewoo #I think maybe instead of generic productivity tips I need more like.. how to refocus and be productive anyway even if you have a headache #or are nauseous or etc. Not that those are always things to ignore. and of course you should let your body rest and etc. But plenty of peop #e have mild physical symptoms and just work through them. Ithink something about the way my body/mind is SOO hyper attuned to all #sensory information just makes it like... constantly 'GRR well I cant focus on WRITING right now because my lef #t ear feels weird and my socks are too itchy and my back has a strange pressure and I'm vaguely warm and my eye feels some ssort of #way it doesnt normally feel and I'm hyperaware of my breathing and also nauseous for no reason' and like half of those things I #think '''normal''' people wouldnt even notice or at least would be able to just live through. but for me it's like.. nealry impossible to i #gnore and soooo distracting always. like 'wahh.. nooo we can't draw or get anything done.. my legs feel slightly heavy or something!!' #like............. ok......... who cares. thats not even a PAIN sensation it's just something weird. but it's just like.. NO. constant #mental alerts about the 'heaviness' of your legs be upon ye. Though Imean like.. yes.. 70% of the time I am in genuine pain #or having some sort of actual ailment with trackable physical symptoms. but sometimes it's just like... we could totally be working right #now and ignoring this silly thing but my brain is fixated on it for no reason uncontrollably. etc. etc. I guess it's the same way that like #most people can go to a grocery store without the whole experience being so overwhelming and so much stuff going on at once #that they have to rest afterwards but like.. in my own HOME doing NOTHING i feel like I should be able to not get overwhelmed lol. ANYWAY #Rolling my bastard little rock up a dumbass hill and so on and so forth

[ncfan-1]

Thinking about Ingrid and how she went from having probably the longest hair of any female character in the game to having really short, close-cropped hair, and for some reason the thought that enters my head is “Hmm, do you, too, have the depressingly widespread generational trauma of mothers being unpleasantly weird and controlling about their daughters’ hair?”

#it's now my head canon that she does #and maybe calling it generational trauma is overblown #but it sure is a thing that seems to crop up a LOT #and it really can introduce some fucked up ideas about bodily autonomy and who has the right to access your body #and it sure does get transmitted by those who endured it a lot #so that's what I'm going with #Fire Emblem Three Houses #Fe16 #Ingrid Brandl Galatea