tripably

[tripably]

the probably cis-privileged wonderment of how people know that they're trans or nonbinary or genderfluid or generally anything other that what they were assigned at birth

the following lowkey panic of how do people know they are exactly what they were assigned at birth

like what does gender feel like? how do people know? is my years-old "call me whatever pronouns you wish, i don't care" actually more than just me not giving a fuck?

the somewhat natural (?) next step of "wtf even is womanhood" like what is it? if we dismantle the traditional gender roles, on the basis that those are a cage designed to oppress everyone, what does it mean to be a woman, or a man, so that you can judge whether you're either or neither or both?

like if we exclude the societal negative effects of being a woman, on the basis that the goal is absolute equality between all genders and suffering is not a fun or healthy identifier, then gender-wise, what's left to being a woman that is excluded from being a man?

because it's not the things you do. it's also not the things you like. it's not what you're good at. it's not your job, it's not who you fancy, it's not how you dress, it's not how you behave, it's not how you carry yourself, and it's not how you think. i know what all it was, traditionally, but as we dismantle toxic masculinity, do we not dismantle everything else?

and so finally, if gender is none of those things, then, according to my logic, it must only be how you feel - so again, what on earth does gender feel like?????????

basically, is my cis-brain overthinking this whilst being incapable of empathising (if yes, a horror, how do i learn?), or is this a sign of a budding identity crisis (and can i just skip it then?) ?

#rosie rambles #this has been bothering me a lot lately #like i know i'm not going to have a crisis #i don't care about my gender enough to make anything of it #but i'd just like to know if this is a universal cis-experience or not #it will not change my life in any tangible way #it can only give me peace of mind #i also asked my husband #and he also couldnt relate to the feeling of having a gender #naturally i dismissed him as possibly being another outlier because i married him #he's never expresses an ounce of toxic masculinity and it's one of the things that drew me to him #thus ​it would check out that he too is far enough from traditional gender roles to feel any type of way about gender #but also #it's still possible we're just both cis and this is how it feels like #writing about this feels like stepping dangerously close to terf-territory #i want it known i fully support the gender-identity of anyone and everyone #one can easily support things one cant relate to #i'm only having doubts of my own ability to relate to the existence of gender within myself #and a little bit within my husband even if i have no business doing so 👀

[tripably]

I wish we talked more about how "I'm doing okay" means different things, to different people, at different times. About how "I'm managing well" doesn't always - if ever - look like perfection.

I wish we talked more about how it's ok if your home is frequently a disgusting mess or if you've not done your laundry in two weeks, if you've not showered in a week or if your experiences aren't something you want to share with everyone. That sometimes being fine means having done the things that sustain you for another day.

I wish we talked more about how taking care of yourself doesn't need to encompass everything all at once. That sometimes it might look like following that 10 step beauty care routine, while at other times it looks like simply having done your best to sleep enough.

I wish we talked more about the fact that you can be fine without being constantly happy.

I wish for so many things, but above all, I wish we'd stop this performance that's designed to make us feel inferior and unworthy.

#i wish #rosie rambles

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The way my own brain tries to sabotage my attempt at obtaining a healthier relationship with food is astonishingly irritating, mostly due to being so unbelievably illogical.

When my body started screaming about being ravenously hungry approximately two hours ago, my brain sent out an immediate, automated, unrepliable response along the lines of "No food necessary. You can't possibly be hungry, you've not even done anything today".

As if I haven't been up for, what, 11 hours, majority of which trying to internalize everything I possibly can regarding my new job, on just two cups of coffee and a small bowl of pasta. As if thinking and learning new things wouldn't require energy.

Or no, in fact, as if the task of having sustained the bodily functions of an actual real life person for the past 30 years including today couldn't possibly require more energy than whatever is in 100 grams of white pasta with trace amounts of feta cheese and olive oil, a couple of cherry tomatoes, and maybe a desilitre of oat milk.

As if I would somehow (how????) need to earn the right to, what, keep sustaining said bodily functions? In the eyes of whom, my own brain? Surely not that brain, the one that is in fact included in those bodily functions that apparently aren't significant enough to deserve to go on uninterrupted??

Like does this brilliant brain of mine seriously believe that starving myself is somehow an option that leads to a good outcome? Have we not seen enough logical proof against that? Have we not read enough articles about the ineffectiveness and dangers of diet culture?

And if reading about it really is not enough: have we not been doing that for the past 15 years with whatever is the the opposite of success? How fucking long do we have to keep repeating the same fucking behaviour before accepting the fact that it is not fucking working??????

#unspecified and undiagnosed eating disorders #unhealthy eating habits #under read more bc i know how triggering this topic can be and because i'm not sure how to tag this #but yeah it only took me half an hour or so to wake up to my very own gaslighting and now i'm waiting for my dinner to cook #i hate having to learn how to eat at 30 years old #against a brain that's hellbent on believing whatever bullshit it's internalized re obesity and health #apparently also against a brain that doesn't necessarily want us to stay alive? which i guess shouldn't feel so much like a surprise #with my history #anyway this is such a fucking boring thing to learn #i could be learning to play an instrument #or a new language #or to improve my literary analysis skills #or literally anything fun and interesting #but no #here i am trying to learn how to keep myself alive as if 30 years shouldn't be enough time to learn that #i guess i should focus on the fact that i did catch these thought processes though #instead of blaming myself for things i struggle with regardless of whether they are my own fault or not #and instead of comparing my struggles to those i see and don't see affecting other people #also it just now dawned on me that i've now spent two hours obsessing over the ways in which i struggle taking care of myself #in no productive way #bye gotta go decide what to do with the rest of my evening

[tripably]

"Did you miss me? I bet you did."

#good omens

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I have a story to tell you. Really, what is it about? BROTHER BEAR (2003) dir. Aaron Blaise & Robert Walker

#brother bear #disney

[tripably]

Kristen Stewart for Saturday Night Live, 2017

#kristen stewart

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Ok, so, as most know hobbits LOVE mushrooms, but what if they love ALL mushrooms, even the poisonous ones. What if a hobbit’s body is able to handle more of the poison and it doesn’t affect them at all. And they love it!

#lotr #tolkien #hobbits

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Not "It's a product of it's time" as a way to excuse its problematic undertones but rather "it's a product of it's time" to say that the issues it tackles were relevant then and its stances that now seem milquetoast were radical then, and that heavy handed, cheesy driving home of those viewpoints was sometimes necessary, and our acceptance and normalization of those viewpoints is in large part because of media like it normalizing those viewpoints and imagery, and watching it in the modern day turns into a loving study of history of the masses and public opinion

Yes this is about the original star trek

[tripably]

online communities are so strange because people slip away so easily. you can be on here for years, folding people you've never met into the fabric of your daily life, and then they disappear, leaving only ghost posts scattered across tumblr behind. or their blog stays dormant, for weeks, months, years, until you're only still following them because you remember that they love sunflowers or they were kind to you when they didn't have to be or the last thing they posted was sad and raw and you still worry about them sometimes.

and sometimes they come back when you least expect it, years later, even, and there's this sudden rush of relief like there you are, there you are, even though you barely knew each other.

there's a strange kind of love to it. i don't know you and i want to hold your hand across miles and time zones and oceans. i can still see the imprint of you in this community you left. you don't anyone will notice or care when you're gone, but we notice and we care and we wish you well.

i hope you're all okay out there. i hope the sun is shining on your face and you are breathing deeply. i miss you.

[tripably]

General question to reblog and tell me in the tags;

You go into a used bookstore - what are the two sections you head to first?

#fantasy and poetry

[tripably]

#it's the 'define [word]' and 'synonyms for [word]' tabs that are constantly open for me when i write #i'm not kidding i open those tabs a second after i've opened whichever WIP i've decided to work on

[tripably]

One trope Im a big fan of in media is when the loyalty outweighs a conflict of interest. I don’t agree with what you’re doing, but I will follow where you go no matter what. I will do anything for you even if it opposes my own morals

#ah yes #and the delicious mirrors to this loyalty: #1) the leader who does not even know about it bc the loyal subject sacrifices their morals in silence #2) the leader who abuses the loyalty of their subject via emotional manipulation #3) the leader who feels unworthy and thus distrustful of such loyalty #4) the leader who begins to question their own decisions because they feel so bad about their loyal subject compromising themselves #and so many others i'm sure gosh i kind of want to read about all of them right now

[tripably]

The Sea Maiden by Gustav Wertheimer (Austrian artist, 1847-1904) 

#art #gustav wertheimer

[tripably]

W.K. Haselden in the Daily Mirror, October 3, 1935

#art #w k haselden

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this is me all day

#about me

[tripably]

sometimes, writing fic is deep-diving into the ornintology side of internet so that you can accurately describe an unnamed species of bird doing species-typical activities in a specific place at a specific time as a never-to-be-explained form of indirect foreshadowing

#when i say i'm too ambitious with my stories sometimes this is what i'm talking about #but i do desperately need to learn how to hint at things in a little bit more direct way #i don't think i can expect the reader to know and correctly interpret things i myself spent hours investigating... #just fic things

[tripably]

I saw a very blunt Instagram comment today that told a writer, "AI is going to steal your job soon. You may want to choose something else." It was so nonchalant and casual, like what was just said wasn't heartbreaking to hear.

Can we writers just make a pact just to... not quit? Can we not give in so easily? Can we actually fight to keep our professions and continue to share our own original work? I will never expect writing to be my main source of income, but that does not mean I'm so willing to give it up for the sake of some robot.

#thank you charliejaneanders #this is exactly how i feel (or want to feel) about ai replacing creative tasks and jobs #thank you for confirming my worldview be it either realism or a shared delusion #whichever it is it sparks hope in me and at the end of the day that's all we have is it not #also thank you neil gaiman for reblogging this post and thus also confirming the same reality/delusion #i trust your authority on this matter