#monologuing on discord until my friend wakes up

[abby118]

#discord #musings #Thor 1 #Loki #Thor #Odin #meta #? #abby talks #monologuing on discord until my friend wakes up

[non-fantasy]

!!!!! tell me!!

OKAY SO

i couldn't sleep until 1:30 am for unimportant reasons but . at 1:30 am, i was suddenly haunted by a question, right. there are these events in tokimeki memorial girls side 3 and 4 called ADV events, where you get to see a short story from the point of view of one of the main love interests. but like. why the hell was it called adv. is it an acronym for something? what does it mean

so at 1:30 in the morning, i went to look up what tokimeki memorial girls side adv means

i do not receive an answer from search engines

instead, somehow, google heard me ask "tokimeki memorial girls side adv meaning" and gave me THIS.

it's insane, right. it's really insane. this is a 27 page essay claiming that tokimeki memorial girls side (2002), beloved romance simulator, is responsible for teaching girls to view themselves in terms of real-life stats, that rejection from anime guys will give gamers self-esteem issues, and how to view yourself through the male gaze to win love.

i look at this 27 page paper and pass out for the next 5 hours, because it is 1:30 am.

BUT. when i wake up. i am READING. i liveblogged it all to my friend in discord dms (HI @nenestansunsthings) and here are. some INCREDIBLE highlights

"the game teaches you that men expect women to change their clothes from time to time"

the author has cited japanese 123 website, livejournal, and tumblr

"japanese players are more receptive to the series' lessons on femininity than overseas players because of the constant affirmations of the japanese cultural setting" the daily affirmations of being in japan

"players are encouraged to save before making choices and reload if they do not satisfy the object of their affections, teaching women to discard their desires and preferences to please men" HAVE YOU NOT PLAYED A VIDEO GAME BEFORE?!

the author can't make up their mind over whether the game has 7 or 9 love interests

they are basing their analysis on the first game specifically but they bring up the second and third game if it supports their point. but information from the second and third games is ignored if it undermines their point

example 1: they complain about rivals mode portraying women as jealous and willing to throw away their friendships for the sake of a man's love, ignoring that game 2 allows you to calmly talk things out with your friend and game 3 entirely does away with girls being rivals entirely, the game 3 girls are always on your side 100%

example 2: they bring up tumblr posts of fans talking about how they'd date the girls to point out how heteronormative the games are. they are talking about the first game. the tumblr posts are talking about a girl from the third game

weird racism

"this game MAY cause players to develop self-worth issues" "this game MIGHT cause players to see themselves in real-life stats" THESE WORDS ARE DOING A LOT OF HEAVY LIFTING.....

the author is WRONG???? ABOUT THE GAME MECHANICS????

they claim that a guy rejected their invitation for a date because they weren't smart enough but once they were smart enough they launched themselves into a monologue about how this is PROBABLY a guy wanting a girl who is smart enough not to embarrass him but not smart enough to surpass him

THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS. IT'S RNG. THERE'S NO MINIMUM STAT REQUIREMENT TO ASK SOMEONE OUT HE JUST FLIPPED A COIN AND SAID NO

out of the four love interests they mention by name in this, THREE OF THEM HAVE THEIR NAME SPELLED WRONG

look at this fucking bibliography

they have cited, in order.

a shitpost

someone's entire blog

and all of tumblr's search results for tokimeki memorial girls side 3.

which is not even the game they're talking about.

[dr-brainwash]

okay so. i was thinking.

[IMAGE ID: a series of three screenshots of a stream of discord messages all from me, all white text on a grey background. the messages read as follows: “ulysses in a very deep think mental gymnastics way felt like the debt he owed to america was mercy killing it essentially - i don’t think he actively realized at the time that that was his intention but if he planned to die with america on his back and destroy all the symbols which just carried it on in different ways, he wasn’t “carrying america as it slept” he was acting as it’s deathbed - because america in how it still shaped the political landscape of the Mojave, how it killed all of his homes, is what kept the world from progressing in his opinion - and he was RIGHT in [that] - america as a symbol only slept because the ncr worshipping it and the legion acting as an “outsider” to fuel its [ncr’s] revenant military were its life support! and him [ulysses] with the nukes from the home that america and it’s reins on the world DESTROYED intended to cut off that support - he knew deep down america kept existing only because people worshipping its ghost either as a bountiful god or a [vengeful] spectre were the reasons places like hopeville, places that created something different from the old world, were dying instead of the empire which was over its expiration date. - HIS DEBT TO AMERICA WAS DYING AT ITS SIDE!!!!! - I’m losing my MIND /END ID]

of course all im saying is a personal interpretation conjecture yadda yadda but i fucking LOVE this concept. even if it’s goes against what he says about like “it sleeps and until it wakes i carry it (america)” this man in grief has been known to heavily contradict himself anyway because of his anger, that of which is still mainly brought about by how history just keeps repeating itself, really! how rome repeats (with edits to the source material to be fair), how america repeats, how both of these repetitions destroyed what he saw as a chance for real, radical change. and so his response to that change dying was radicalism not in the form of community building but community burning, unfortunately. and that’s!! MY GOD!!! i adore him i adore his character so so so so so so so so much

thank @one-spicy-cowboy for putting up with my monologues

[IMAGE ID: another screenshot which reads “MY MOM IS SO METAL - SO GOTH” from my aforementioned most beloved friend /END ID]

#long post #ulysses fnv #shut up lakan #lakan’s writing #this counts! It’s academic! #lonesome road fnv #fnv #to note noa is not calling me his mom #ulysses is his mother #and I am noa’s stepdad.

[masterhandss]

Hamefura Ep. 11 - The Geordo Kiss Scene

I’m surprised. The anime production team really does butcher Geordo’s character, to the point where scenes from the original materials are unloyal or the scenes that they do add don’t fit with his character. Shockingly this episode is one of the few moments where they get it right. Ironically, I was waiting for this episode in hopes that they wouldn't change anything in this scene, but apparently not changing anything in of itself is the new problem.

For once, the scene that people don’t like is from the canon material instead of being an anime original. huh, would you look at that.

I don’t know if this scene was included in the original web novel, and I don’t exactly know how to check, but to those who are asking on their tags and posts, yes this scene is in the light novel (Volume 2 Side Story p. 273, according to my copy). It’s that scene that everyone keeps asking me context about. 

There’s so much I want to say, but I know there’s nothing that I can really do to excuse this scene. Realistically, I can see why people would hate this scene because of the lack and consent and the image that Geordo might be taking advantage of the situation. Maybe anime and fiction has altered my perception of what’s okay and not okay in the real world, but I understand that while a kiss without consent might be romantic in anime, in the real world it’s creepy and can be considered as sexual assault.

I’m mostly writing this to share with everyone why I think this scene is okay, as a light novel reader who was waiting (but didn’t expect) for this scene to get animated. 

I know there’s nothing I can really say to defend this scene to everyone, but you know, have some context anyway.

It’s important to note that while the anime seems to have left it out, it says in the light novels that if Katarina condition is bad because if she remained asleep and didn’t intake any food or water for days, that’s when her body will become weak and slowly die. It’s sort of implied in the anime, but without it being stated verbally, you might not know that this isn’t just a matter of her not waking up anymore.

My mom is a doctor, and she said that a person would like at least 9 days without food or water. The information changed based on where you look, so of course my mom might not completely accurate, but here’s what it says when I look it up on google. 

You can go without food for a long time, but water is the problem. Again, researchers vary depending on where you look, but the general rule of thumb is that a person can last for 3 days without water, depending on their age and nutritional necessity. 

Alan (i think?? don’t correct me lol) noted that Katarina has been for 2 days.

I don’t know about you guys, but I eat a lot. I’m so used to eating a lot that if I skip two meals, my hunger is so bad that it gets in the way of me doing normal things. That could just be me of course, some people can go a day without eating and getting hungry after all. Without the medical equipment today to take care if me if I ever got into a state of comma, I would probably die within 3 days.

But we’re talking about Katarina here. She, who is always hungry and is always looking for something to snack on. I get that this is an anime/fictional series so they can play out the hunger bit to an unrealistic degree, but if we’re going to put the Geordo Kiss Scene to real world standards, then I think it’s only fair that we do that to Katarina’s metabolism as well, to some extent. Apparently an unconscious person’s energy depletion is very very slow so there’s no danger of her getting as hungry as she does when she’s awake, but you know that’s still something worth nothing

Anne was trying to feed her some water in hopes that her situation might change, but also because she’s aware that the lack of water intake might kill her before the lack of food intake, which is obviously why she is prioritizing water. 

I don’t know if anyone else got the same idea, but I got the implication that she had been trying for a while, but the water keeps slipping out of her mouth, like it was shown in the anime. It’s not like they have any dextrose in the world of hamefura, so there’s not a lot of ways that Anne can feed her water. 

And then we arrive at the kiss scene. 

Geordo, who realized thanks to Anne that her lack of food and water might do her in, take the water and uses his own mouth to feed Katarina with water. It’s important to note that unlike Anne’s attempts, Geordo’s worked, and (you guys might find this even more creepy but) he did it several times in order to provide her with the water that she lost in those two days.

Again, I can see why people might think that he took advantage of the situation, but I just didn’t get that impression. I saw it as reverse CPR in a way, and someone on the hamefura reddit discord said it was more like a mother bird feeding it’s chicks with its own mouth. 

They don’t know when Katarina will wake up, and again dextrose probably doesn’t exist in hamefura so they have no means to feed her. It felt like a desperate attempt to feed her rather than anything malicious. I mean this isn’t about kissing her because he loves her, it’s a matter of kissing her in order to have her drink water. 

I guess it’s kind of hard to put myself in the headspace of those who hated this scene, because I thought it was fine, but I always thought that the reasoning (feeding her water so she wont get dehydrated) overpowered the subtle creepiness of the scene (kissing her without consent). That might just be me. 

He didn’t do it with any malicious intent in mind, and did it because he was too scared to lose her. 

Of course, people who did read that scene in the LN might bring up the fact that after the scene (or flashback, as it was in the LN), Geordo does reminisce about the experience and hoped to have kissed her more, or what i’ll call as the “Post- Comatose Scene” and yeah okay that did feel kinda creepy, but he thought of that while being in the presence of the entire harem, watching them as they try to take away Katarina’s attention. 

He thought of it like that because the post-scene was about him monologue-ing about Katarina’s relationships with everyone and how she’s being taken away father from him by his friends. I think i’d like to excuse that post-scene because at that time, his irritation for the harem and desire to become closer to winning Katarina over was taking over his mind. He thought of it with the desire to bring himself a few steps ahead of the others. 

It’s a bit shitty that he even thought of using the event as a way to bring himself higher than the others, but at the post-scene it’s been a long time since the episode’s events happened so to some extent you can say that his anger and desperation clouded his judgement. 

He never really brags about this event to anyone, and never advertised it as his or Katarina’s first kiss. He never really thought of it as one until weeks after the situation with Sirius ended. Their real first kiss is the one that happens later into the series. 

Anyways, I know lots of people would still find problems with the scene regardless, but I just want people o know that this scene is in fact in the light novels and is canon. If you didn’t like this, well you guys might not like the other kiss scenes that are coming, if there will ever be an adaption of Volume 3

(might edit this if I remember anything I can add)

#my next life as a villainess #hamefura #hamehura #mh talks #My Next Life as a Villainess! All Routes Lead to Doom! #destruction flag otome #Otome Game no Hametsu Flag shika Nai Akuyaku Reijou ni Tensei shiteshimatta #bakarina #katarina claes #catarina claes #geordo stuart #gerald stuart #jeord stuart

[almaasi]

reaction post typed while watching SPN 15x18 “Despair”

WOW TODAY SURE IS A DAY, HUH

-

04:40pm

Y’ALL

I KNOW WHAT HAPPENS

I KNOW WHAT’S COMING

BUT AM I PREPARED?

my post leading up to this: https://almaasi.tumblr.com/post/634003656411381760/i-have-seen-the-spn-spoilers-okay-okay-okay

i found a faster torrent and there are 7 minutes until it’s done I’M GONNA GO WANDER AROUND FOR A BIT BRB

-

04:51pm

window is blacked out

i am as ready as i can be, i think

-

04:52

HERE WE GO

-

omg so much has happened irl i fully forgot what happened at the end of the last ep so THANK U RECAP

-

BILLIE JUST

BOMBED THE EMPTY

WITH JACK

:0

-

05:00

just as i was thinking “aaah billie’s probably lying, jack’s capital D Dead” THERE���S JACK

-

JACK’S BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

-

05:05pm

nice shot

-

05:07

CHARLIE’S PARTNER IS GORGEOUS AND THIS IS SO HAPPY

they better both make it to the end and out the other side or istg

-

OH NO WHERE DID BABE GO

-

babe is named stevie

BRIng STEVIE BACK

-

05:09

THIS PLACE IS CALLED KIM MANOR

-

we’re like 1/3 of the way into this episode?? damn

-

cas and jack hanging out on the hood of the impala like the brothers did all those years ago

good family talk spot

-

05:13

high quality face

-

05:15

cas: WE DON’T CARE ABOUT YOU BECAUSE YOU’RE USEFUL OR--

cas baby yesssssssssssssssssssssss

these are the words cas can say because he knows them for himself

-

05:19

THE DOTS ON SAM’S PHONE CHAT WITH EILEEN

DISAPPEARING

OH...................

-

05:26

DONNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

oh i wish we’d had more donna and jody :/

-

05:29

dean’s gonna lose cas and then it’s gonna be the sam+charlie+dean “i just lost my lover” club :c

-

05:34

just thinkin about the ending of the final episode

the only two endings i really want are:

everyone we love is somehow alive and they drive into the sunset

they all die but wake up in heaven and there’ll be peace when you are done

or some combination thereof

-

05:37

billie: i didn’t hurt your friends

yeah i thought not

-

bobby vanishes and my eyes flood with tears

that last look between him and sam........

-

wait when was donna from another universe??? or did she die at some point

WOW I’VE FORGOTTEN A LOT

-

05:42

dean: “what do we do, ca--- my heart”

.......

yep

i’m not ready for whatever’s about to happen

-

I’M SO !!!!!!!!!!

BECAUSE THE FACT THEY JUST WON’T DIE

AND THEY ALWAYS COME BACK

IS THE SEMI-BOSS FIGHT

I’M LOVING THIS

EVEN THOUGH I HATE IT

-

05:46

this sure is a screenshot huh

-

05:49

/mutes discord bc this needs all of my attention

-

05:51

cas’ eyes are starting to tear up and he’s smiling as he starts to talk and ohhhhhhhhh here it comes

-

05:53

there’s.

literally.

a wall.

between them.

talk about SYMBOLISM

-

jensen’s pupils are so wide right now holy shit

-

“you are the most caring man on earth”

dean looking at these words like it’s news to him

;~;

cas

thank you for saying these things we’ve all been yelling at the screen for years

-

05:58

DEAN HAS CAS’ BLOODY HANDPRINT ON HIS JACKET

........i can’t let myself believe that was it

THERE WILL BE MORE

SURELY

like

in no conceivable world do the writers get this far, give us THAT, and have it never be mentioned again or properly resolved

hello yes i’m waiting for the magic ritual where cas’ bloody handprint plays a part

-

06:02

yeah i mean

if they saved the whole world multiple times over

everyone’s gotta go

-

oh dean................. oh no

-

GOD

THAT REALLY WAS SOMETHING HUH

i feel like my full reaction is reserved 

because this was half a story. this was one-sided and it was just cas’ monologue. dean has things to say

THIS IS OBVIOUSLY NOT OVER

i know people (misha??) has said it’s a permadeath but i do not believe that, and i don’t believe anything anyone says about what’s coming tbh

i got an anon in my inbox a few weeks ago who correctly predicted this, saying they knew someone on set, but like......... the real ending would be top secret and anything that gets out would not end up in the inbox of some fic author along with a bad vibe. (i didn’t answer it, not wanting to stir up shit.)

that anon said cas isn’t in the last two episodes. except that can’t possibly be true because we, the audience, can see people in the empty, and cas still needs to yell at the empty, and death is in there too... and the empty just wants to sleep so we need to see that too, and cas would be there.

THERE’S MORE TO COME, KIDS

two episodes left

i’m wary of the next one because it’s the deadly duo writing, but they seem to be okayish these days so maybe it’ll be fine

but the finale..... fingers crossed <3

fingers also crossed for a blue georgia, north carolina, and pennsylvania <3

/goes back to cnn livestream because I WANNA WATCH WHEN GEORGIA FLIPS

also. back to spn for a sec. i’m a leeeeeeetle bit mad that the gay black woman disappears first. like i know everyone died but. haven’t we had enough of that??

10/10 even so BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN IT COULDN’T HAVE BEEN BETTER

eh. this show is what it is, and i just gotta accept that, BUT ALSO I THINK WE’RE GENUINELY GETTING SOMEWHERE WITH DEAN AND CAS HERE

but only so long as this actually has a conclusion

which it must do

because this is very much an emotional cliffhanger. cas just emotion-dumped and then fucked off so dEAN’S GOTTA PROCESS AND THEN CHASE HIM

OBVIOUSLY

BECAUSE THAT’S HOW LOVE STORIES WORK

we didn’t watch 15 years of this thing only to be given half of what we wanted in the closing moments, and then get left left high and dry. the writers/producers are clearly willing to give us canon love confessions, and they're not gonna get as far as this, with a finale as tense and dramatic as this, and be like lol dean's straight and only likes cas as a friend........... after he’s dead and died for the joy of their love........... that's beyond madness

and dean needs to SPEAK. there are so many things he’d never said. and he needs to say them to cas. he was basically silent in this conversation and you can’t just say that’s their ending. it’s not their ending.

AND LIKE

IF THIS SHOW AND THIS FINALE AND THIS SEASON HAS PROVED ANYTHING

IT’S THAT NOBODY STAYS DEAD

AND WHATEVER THE WRITER INTENDS, THE CHARACTERS HAVE THEIR OWN DESIRES AND DRIVES

AND FOR THAT REASON, GAY LOVE WILL PIERCE THROUGH THE VEIL OF DEATH AND SAVE THE DAY

#spn #spn spoilers #15x18 #despair #Elmie watches things #season 15 #Destiel #canon Destiel #post of postiness #love confessions

[sunnieskies02]

Toxic

Monoma Neito x Reader

2022k Words

Trigger Warnings: angsty

Hi! I'm new to this fic writing. I am apart of the bnharem discord server and the server prompt was “it’s 2am, I know that, but I need you…; I’m sorry but I can’t go to you anymore you know that.” If you wish to read more go to @candychronicles

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

Monoma’s voice was always distinct, it always has been. His smooth voice would bounce off of the walls vibrating into your ears as you would hear him talk.

The words he spoke rang through your eardrums and to your disapproval it was something you and him had discussed prior. You pinched the bridge of your nose in annoyance, he hadn’t changed at all. Getting up from the table, you walk down the corridor to hear Momona’s voice crescendo into your ears.

“Your quirks are so… useless. Why would you even come to a school like UA if all you're going to be is a useless nobody.” You stand behind him and still hear him speak down to the support student, making them shrink into nothing.

Shameful

“Hey Monoma!” You interrupt his monologue and see his face turn towards you. “What do you want babe?” He turns his face to you, then looks back at the support student. “Nothing, but I-I’m sorry.” He scratches the back of his neck and hurriedly walks away. ‘His face…’

“Why are you not apologizing to that sweet little support student.” You walk alongside him down the hallway, in the back of your mind you think, ‘Was he always so demeaning?’

“No. I hadn’t thought about apologizing to someone… so useless.”

“Monoma.” He whips his head around frantically to face you, his eyes empty and still. Looking at him face to face was weird, you had never really looked at him directly. Seeing the sharpness of his jaw curve up towards his face near his ears to then his blonde hair that was shining in the sun.

He looked like an angel at a glance, beautiful, loving, and sweet, but his eyes were the key. The key to the demon named Monoma Neito, the part of him that was looked over because of his looks and charisma.

“I don’t need to hear that from anybody who turned somebody like you after being with me.” You were unbothered by his words, but you knew that his words were supposed to hurt you.

“I don’t even know why I dated someone like you. Your quirk is so subpar to mine, I don’t even think that you deserve to be in 1-B, let alone the hero course at all. In my eyes, you are just like that support student, but the difference is that you know more about me than they do.”

As he continued to berate you, his words sank deeper until you drowned in his words. As you fell down the rabbit hole of this idea of love you had found with Monoma, you realized that he was always demeaning.

Blinded by his looks you fell into his trap, locked in with his idea of love. He only dated you out of the pity he felt for someone he looked down upon. He only dated you to fuel his ever growing ego. He only dated you because he knew that someone like you would be foolish enough, blinded by his looks to love him.

You were nobody to Monoma Neito and he made it clear through his words. All. The. Time.

Hot tears rolled down your cheeks burning the skin that they rolled over. You clenched your fist hard enough to let small crescents form on your hand at the horrid realization that he made you look like a fool.

He made you think that he loved you. He manipulated you, changed you and formed you into someone that he could unleash his insecurities on, devalue you.

“Monoma. Listen, please.” Monoma stopped his dialogue about you with himself and looked your way. A smile adorned his face, his cheeks were tinted a rosey red and his lips looked so soft to the touch. He was breath taking, and a weight felt to your stomach with the words were about to come out of your mouth.

“What is it lovely?”

“I-i can’t anymore Monoma. I-just can’t anymore.” You look at his face and the smile he had became a jacked jaw. “W-what do you mean? Y/n what are you talking about?” His voice was still, but a hint of worry could be heard behind it. You opened your mouth, but clenched your jaw shut, you were through being his little ragdoll. You turned away from him and you felt him snatch your wrist and p;ull you towards him.

“What are you talking about y/n? You can’t wait anymore?” You neglected to answer him. You pull your wrist out of his grasp and hurry down the hall away from his booming voice that bounced off of the walls straight into your ears.

For the rest of the day at school and in class, your phone was vibrating and buzzing. You knew it was him trying to talk to you, to reason with you, trying to make you fall into his hands as putty to play with. The buzzing menstrations of your phone continued with no end in sight, in the back of your mind you felt that he really would change.

That he was ultimately going through a phase, a period where he would be ignorant, neglectful, hurtful, demeaning, but that he would love you. True love.

As the sound of the bell rang in your ears ending the school day, you packed your things quickly and ran to the dorms. As you walked quickly to your dorms you hear his voice in the back of your head ‘Just come back to me. You need me y/n.’ You hit your forehead with the palm of your hand and shook your head; it was worse than you had thought.

Expelling his controlling voice was a challenge, because now alone with out him on your side his words, his hurtful words, seeped through your brain and started to make you feel guilty. Guilty for leaving someone who is so broken, guilty for leaving someone who had a promising future, guilty of leaving some one that loved you. Making you feel guilty for him. Even though he makes YOU feel like trash, even though he made YOU feel small, for making YOU feel weak, for making YOU feel like you weren’t enough.

His words of guilt and hate were filling your brain the more you thought of him. Your head was in pain, throbbing at how horrible he made you feel just to realize that you put this on yourself. By the time you reached your dorm room, your balloon popped. As you closed the door and slid down to the floor. The tears started to flow, you were hyperventilating and with every breath and gasp you were reminded of how you brought this pain upon yourself.

With every breath and every tear that fell onto the floor, and heave of your chest, you hated yourself. You hated that you had changed for him, hated that you shaped yourself to be perfect to him when he wasn’t perfect for himself. You had that you sold yourself hope with hope not even existing with him. Despair. You sold yourself to the devil for the price of despair and you were finally paying it.

Picking yourself off of the floor, you rolled onto your bed and allowed the heated tears flow across your face and into the plush pillow. You planted your face into your pillow and cried even harder; you realized that with all the breaths you took in you were breathing in his smell. His heavy pine spring smell, you look all around your room and saw his shirts, his pants and all of the things that belong to him.

A tired wail lets your lips and you turned over in your bed still crying. What were you going to do?

-- -- -- -- --

You wake up hours later from your crying fit. You couldn’t remember why you were crying and what for but you reached into your bag and pulled out your phone. As the bright light lit up your face as you turned it back on you were welcomed with 100+ messages from Monoma, and the feel you felt earlier that day crashed into like a tsunami. You eyes started to water as you reluctantly opened your phone and saw the most recent message it read: “it's 2am, I know that, but I need you…plz answer your phone.” You throw your phone onto your bed and let the tears roll down your cheeks.

In a huff you started to go around your room and pick up all of the things that reeked of Monoma Neito. It hurt to see and feel that you really weren't in a relationship with a genuinely sweet person that you had assumed. As you were going around your room reminiscing on false love, but growing hatred towards Neito you heard a rampant knock on your door.

Your blood ran still, “Who is it?” You started to wipe the tears off of your face hoping that it was a friend but it wasn’t.

“It’s me. Open the door.” You placed both hands over your mouth and fell to the floor. “No.”

“What do you mean no? We need to talk about it earlier today.” His knocking became more frantic. “Come on y/n open the door we need to TALK!” You shakingly tiptoe to the door and check to see if it is locked. It is. Thankfully.

He continued to knock on the door, even harder, “What do you want me to do y/n? Apologize, fine. I’m sorry y/n. I’m sorry please open the door.” You heard his voice soften when a part of you was about to open the door, he truly sounded sorry. But you had to snap yourself out of feeling guilty for him, “N-no Monoma. I can’t anymore. I’m sorry but I can’t go to you anymore you know that. ”

“W-what? A-are you serious. You can’t go to me anymore?” His voice sounded broken but laced with anger. “Are you breaking up with me right now? Are you serious. ARE YOU SERIOUS Y/N?!” His voice boomed through the thin door making you shudder in fear and cover your ears.

“You're leaving me after all we’ve been through, I need you and you're leaving me. Being a hero is hard and I need emotional support and that was you, but no~ you decided to be selfish and leave me for your own benefit. You wanted to suck me dry emotionally and leave me alone throughout the world. You're a monster, a selfish, scheming broad that just wants to have a good looking guy in the palm of your hand. You really are trash for leaving me.”

His words were pitiful, the tears that rolled down your cheeks fell into the cauldron called hate that later turned into anger. You stand up and bang on the door back at him “ Are YOU SERIOUS MONOMA!! You dated me because you knew how in love I was with you and you took that change to manipulate me. I bent my back for you, I changed my look for you, I changed my schedule for you when you wanted to see me more. I CHANGED EVERYTHING FOR YOU. I LOST MYSELF WHILE BEING IN LOVE WITH YOU. YOU DON”T WANT TO ADMIT THAT YOUR SO INSECURE THAT YOU PROJECT IT ONTO OTHERS.”

Through your tears, you took a breath and said “And I was the perfect subject for you to berate with your words and manipulate to make you not feel so bad about how sorry you really are for yourself. Fuck you….Monoma. Don’t speak to me ever again.” You hear him laugh on the other side of the door but he goes quiet, “You’ll regret dumping me, peasant.”

You hear his feet shuffle away on the other side of the door, you get back into bed and lay awake. You cross your hands over your face and cry, ‘He’s probably right. I will regret dumping him, not because I feel bad for him. But the fact that his voice will still ring in my ears pleading for me to take him back.’

Haha....ion like it but do as you will! I did enjoy giving myself the challenge of writing angst. Please enjoy the other pieces too!!

@smittenkitten143

#monoma neito #angst #angsty april #angsty #neito #neito x reader #i tried #its sad ig #angst with no happy ending #sad boy hours

[hermitcraftheadcanons]

Heathers AU MasterPost

So anyway, I made a post on one of my alts about a Heathers AU so I went and made one. Enjoy?

Character Assignment:

Heather C: TangoTek

Heather D: ImpulseSV

Heather M: Zedaph

Kurt and Ram: Cub and Scar

Martha Dunstock: Joe Hills.

Veronica: XisumaVoid.

JD: Evil X.

Contextual Changes:

-The Convex aren't creeps in this AU like Kurt and Ram are, just really shady business men. I'm not comfortable with that in my AU or portraying characters based on real people like that; even if it is just the character. Sorry.

-Joe isn't bullied for being fat (because he isn't.) He gets bullied for being weird. IE, 'who writes poetry for fun? Geek.'

-Unlike Martha Dunstock who has a crush on Ram (or Kurt if it's the movie,) Joe just wants to befriend Scar and learn how to make hella money.

-Xisuma (Veronica) and Evil X (JD) knew each other before the AU started but Xisuma hasn't really given him the time of day until now.

-Also they aren't a couple, just good friends.

-Dead Gay Son and Shine A Light were removed because they didn't really have narrative purpose.

-Anyway, this is based on the musical meaning if anything changed from the Movie, (IE, Betty Finn's disappearance) that also goes here.

Line Changes: (WIP, also I'm bad at lyrics. Feel free to comment or reshare with additions.)

Veronica: Things will get better, soon as my letter, comes from Harvard, Duke or Brown. Wake from this coma, take my diploma, then I can blow this town.

VV

Xisuma: Things will get better, soon as my letter, comes from damn SMP Live. Wake from this nightmare, no longer have to care, then I can leave these guys.

(Tomcat)

Heather C: Mascara maybe some lip gloss, now we're on our way.

VV

Tango: Leave the helmet, come on let's see you- oh you're kinda cute.

(Tomcat)

Heather M: Course if you don't care, fine, go braid her hair. Maybe Sesame Street is on.

VV

Zedaph: Course if that's your schtick, fine, go suck his dick. Maybe get the gay pornos on.

(Tomcat)

The Plot:

It's the start of Season N. Xisuma's getting tired of being admin and has secretly planned this to be his last season on the server. His plan is to join SMP Live once it's all over. His friend Joe Hills (they've been friends since season 1) asks X if he's free to hang out after the recording day is over. X is like 'yeah, sure bud! :D' and Scar and Cub start bullying both of them.

Some time passes and X is chilling in an area he's not meant to be in. Team ZIT is also there and a hermit who isn't the owner of the area says 'hey? Are you allowed to be there?' Xisuma pulls out a fake I.O.U and says 'yeah, we have permission.' The hermit leaves and Team ZIT take an interest in Xisuma. They let him join team ZIT. (Beautiful.)

Meanwhile, The Vexes are leaving for about a week or so. Cub and Scar decide to hold a 'welcome to the new season!' Party at their base and invite Team ZIT+X. Tango peer pressures Xisuma into making a fake invitation to Joe Hills for the banter and Xisuma does it. (Candy Store.)

Anyway, Xisuma stumbles across Evil X winning in PVP against Cub and Scar. (Fight For Me.) After Cub and Scar either die or retreat (or both,) Xisuma says hello to Evil X and strikes up a conversation. Evil X is sad because everyone thinks he's evil and he has no friends. Xisuma apologises to him for treating him too harshly and banning him whenever he comes online and they become friends. (Freeze Your Brain.)

The Convex throw their party. Xisuma gets drunk and throws up on Tango's foot or something and Tango is ticked off. Tango's gonna PVP him and or grief his base, whichever takes ya fancy. (Big Fun.)

Xisuma goes to Evil X and climbs in through his window. They just hang out and play games all night and get to know each other better. Evil X suggests on kicking Tango out the server for threatening to grief Xisuma's base. Xisuma isn't sure about that initally but he eventually around. (Dead Girl Walking.)

The two go to Tango's base and offer him suspicious stew. Tango gets poisoned from it and Evil X 'jokingly' punches him and kills him. Xisuma bans him before he can respawn.

Xisuma writes a goodbye note to the server from Tango saying he's leaving. Nobody suspects Xisuma actually banned him. (Me Inside Of Me.)

After that kerfuffle, Scar and Cub go and try to get Xisuma to buy stuff from them. Xisuma keeps telling them to shove off as he can't leave as he's working on a build. Eventually, he gives up and goes to vent to Evil X. (Blue but the lyrics are so changed it's not even the same song.) Evil X suggests pranking Scar and Cub to get them back. Xisuma says okay and sends a message down the communicator saying 'hey, okay, maybe I do wanna buy from you. I'll give you 10 diamonds for (insert item) if you meet me in the shopping district behind Mumbo's shop at sundown.'

Anyway, Xisuma meets with Cub and Scar at sun down. He starts stalling because he didn't actually bring any diamonds. Evil X snipes Cub. Scar tries to run away. His communicator buzzes and he realises Cub was banned. He says he 'doesn't understand' and starts crying because Evil X 'banned his best friend.' Evil X kills and bans Scar too. Xisuma's like 'why'd you ban them? How did you ban them?'

Evil X explains he can ban people and always could but only in the window between being dead and respawning, hence why he always wanted to PVP everyone. Evil X forces Xisuma to write leaving notes for Scar and Cub. He doesn't care what's on it, just put the blame on them. Xisuma remembers that Tango was Cub and Scar's best customer so he says that they'd been planning to leave for a while but Tango leaving was the last straw. (Our Love Is God. But it's not because they're just friends.)

Xisuma tries to talk Evil X out of banning anyone else. Evil X feigns it working. (Seventeen)

Meanwhile, Zedaph is having a hard time trying to cope with Tango leaving. He's just finishing up a build and is mumbling to himself about how he's gonna leave the server once it's done. Xisuma catches him and encourages him to stay. Zedaph stays. (Lifeboat and Shine A Light Reprise.)

Joe tries to leave too due to Scar and Cub leaving. He actually does for a bit but is convinced by Xisuma over discord to come back. (Kindergarten.)

Xisuma starts getting worried about his plans to leave the server. He's beginning to realise that he's basically the glue holding this server together considering the fact that people have started to want to leave. (Yo Girl.)

Xisuma hides in his base to have his mental breakdown meanwhile Evil X is outside telling him about how he's going to destroy the server (ASMR.) Xisuma uses commands to make it look like he's left the server. Evil X falls for it and goes to nuke the server. (Meant To Be Yours.)

Xisuma goes to hunt down Evil X. Xisuma finds him in a big hole filled with TNT under the shopping district. Evil X monologues for a bit and Xisuma tries to ban him. It doesn't work. Apparently Evil X swapped their roles in the server, making it so that Evil X can ban people without killing them and X can only ban people during the 'dead but not respawned' window. Xisuma and Evil X PVP for a bit and Xisuma slays Evil X. (Dead Girl Walking Reprise.) Xisuma comes out the hole and Evil X sets off the TNT anyway. Evil X dies and Xisuma bans him. (I Am Damaged.)

Anyway, Xisuma, Joe and Zedaph become friends, the end. (Seventeen Reprise.)

#hermitcraft #hcraft #hermitblr #hermitcraftheadcanons #auheadcanon #xisumavoid #xisuma #evil x #evil xisuma #tangotek #impulsesv #impulse #zedaphplays #zedaph #goodtimeswithscar #good times with scar #cubfan135 #cubfan #joe hills #joehills #joehillstsd #@joehillstsd #hermitcraft heathers au #long post #posted 25.04.20 #zit #convex #concorp #heathersau #evilxisuma

[bennguinfest]

Spring 2019 Fan Fest Prompt List

Hey fan-festers! 

We’re happy to say that we received 81 prompts this time around, and we spent the last few days distilling all those amazing and creative prompts down to a list of 63 prompts! (If you’re keeping count, that’s far more than last year’s 48!) 

As with last year, we had some repeat prompts and prompts that were similar enough that it made sense to condense them under one item. Additionally, most of the prompts we distilled down to a few words for the sake of having a concise list! Again, like last year’s fest, we’re providing the full text of the original prompts under the cut, in case you’re looking for more details to get started!

You’re free to create any kind of fanwork based on the below prompts! There’s no minimum word count and no rules on what to create, or even how many - if you want to combine prompts, that’s cool! If you’re called to make more than one thing, that’s awesome too! The only limit is that this fest runs from now until April 15th - so if you’re creating something, make sure you post it and tag it with #bennguinfanfest so we can share it to this tumblr! If you’re posting to AO3, the collection is now open for submissions as well, so make sure to include your work there so everyone can find it!

One final thing: even if you didn’t submit prompts, feel free to participate and join us on the discord! We’ve set up a discord server here: bennguinfest on discord to stay connected, inspire each other, and have fun! It’s a great group and really active, so don’t be shy!

That’s it! On to the prompt list!

Matchmaking dogs

Space AU

Birthday gifts

Coming out/being together in the NHL

Acting like a couple (but they’re not actually a couple)

Tyler as a WAG

Transported to a parallel universe

Abducted by aliens

Superhero/Superpowers AU

Amnesia from an injury

Soulmate AUs: Color-based, name-on-wrist

Thirst follow/Met online

Drag AU

Time loops

Alternate histories

Cop AU

Reality show AU (Survivor, the Bachelor, Married At First Sight)

Jamie Poppins/Single dad AU

Supernatural races (vampires, werewolves, shapeshifters, etc.)

Omegaverse: Courting

Delivery boy/Uber driver AU

Tyler gets traded back to Boston

Breaking up & making up

Omegaverse: Bonding drama

Boring office desk job

Road trips

Protective Jamie defending Tyler

College/University AU

Tyler tries to be Jamie’s wingman

Lites’s comments affecting the boys

Taking care of a sick hockey player

Cuddle pile/team bed fic

Harry Potter AU

Fire alarm meet-cute

DnD/Hockey Mashup

De-aged after a fight

Bakery/Tattoo Artist AU

Friends with benefits - and then with feelings

Zombie AU

Homeless AU

Nerds are hot/competency kink

Omegaverse: scents

YouTube channel AU

Bridal shop meet-cute

Beard appreciation

Tornado warning

Figure skater mpreg

Self-conscious Jamie

Wing!fic

Winning the cup and a kiss on the ice

Lifeguard AU

Haunted farm

Animal daemons

Surprise/sudden parenting

Jealousy from dating/flirting with someone else

Secret relationship and almost getting caught

Long-lost childhood friends

"Come here."

“Close the door.”

“I feel like I can’t breathe.”

“It’s three in the morning and you want me to do what?”

“You could’ve died.”

“I thought you were dead.

Full text of the prompts under the link! If you have any questions, feel free to send us an ask - and as always, happy creating! 

1. Matchmaking dogs: Tyler’s dogs want to get their human with a certain cow-eyed captain

“well this is really awkward considering the last time we saw each other, i was screaming at you to never talk to me again, but like, my dog recognized you all the way across the park and literally dragged me over here because she misses you so hi” AU

2. Space AU (ex. Star Trek, Firefly, or something else entirely)

3. It's Tyler's birthday and at first Jamie gives off the feeling that he's forgotten and this hurts Tyler but it turns out that that Jamie wakes Tyler up at midnight on his birthday with two tickets to an offseason trip

4. I want a fic that REALLY captures what it would be like if two NHL players were to come out in 2019. I'm talking teammate reactions, press reactions, social media, family, the whole shebang. I wanna see the real raw reactions and the struggle the guys would have to go through. I would also loooove if you could fit Jamie proposing to Tyler in there somewhere but it isn't a necessity.

Jamie has a hard time dealing with how public Tyler’s life is, with the insta stories and with random people filming him all the time. It feels like it’s only a matter of time before their relationship is exposed because of how much Tyler is in the public eye. Jamie doesn’t want to break up but it seems like that’s the only choice he has. He doesn’t want to do this so much that he calls a press conference and comes out of the closet.

Jamie and Tyler have been dating since 2014 and he’s tired of hiding it. So with Jamie’s consent he posts a cute photo of them being a couple and writes a heartfelt monologue about their story. And the whole hockey community blows up about it. And it’s kinda about how they deal with being and out couple and Tyler posting obnoxiously cute couple photos on his Instagram. Sorry this prompted is a mess I just want Tyler to be a troll and post cute cliche couple photos on Instagram of him and Jamie and the world loading their minds about it.

Jamie and Tyler come out to the team about them dating. Management wants to keep their relationship secret so they make Jamie fake date someone. And him and Tyler struggle with the stress that puts on them.

realistic consequences of being together with the team

5. Tyler and Jamie are super close but super oblivious to the fact that they act like a literal couple. Jamie has a gf and she hates the fact that it seems like Jamie cares more about Tyler than he does her.

6. Fluffy fic where Jamie still plays hockey, he meets tyler and they fall in love and tyler becomes an nhl wife/husband/boyfriend.

7. Parallel universes -- somehow Tyler (or Jamie) finds himself in an alternate universe where his life is radically different (for better or for worse) which makes him realize how much his relationship to Jamie (or Tyler) means.

waking up in the future/alternate reality fic

8. Jamie and Tyler are abducted by aliens and taken to a faraway planet where they are prisoners in a bizarro planet. Is it real or is it a nightmare though?

9. jamie and tyler are in danger and major trouble when their identities as superheroes are revealed and bad guys are after them.

powers/mutant AU (as in pick one, not all at the same time) One hides their ability from the other, and when the other finds out, its...not good

Superhero AU! Are they superhero partners? Is one of them a superhero and can't date the other because he has to keep him safe? Are they both trying to keep their secret identities secret from each other while simultaneously dating in both iterations? Up to you, or anything else!

10. Amnesia angst for the win - Jamie gets a particularly hard hit, wakes up and can remember everyone except for tyler (maybe not explicitly, say they can *remember* them, but not remember that they've been dating for eight months now) cue tyler avoiding jamie because its too hard him to be around him

11. soulmate au! people are born with blackmarks - on their hands, their faces, their skin in general - the black marks is the first place their soulmate would touch them. Jamie was born without a mark. Tyler was born with two pitch black palms. Years after tylers been traded to the stars, Jamie falls asleep, and tyler can't help but run his fingers through Jamie's hair, just once, and then he looks down at his hand and the tips of his fingers are colored, and so are the few strands of Jamie's black hair.

Soulmate au- either abo or name on wrist. No drama, just fluff!

12. Tyler thirst follows Jamie on insta. This can be hockey or non-hockey, but Jamie follows back and they start talking.

13. Rupaul’s Drag Race au. Tyler and Jamie are competing against each other but are constantly talking about how much they like each other/are attracted to each other in the confessional. They’re both single, so why not go for it? Alternatively, one is a queen and the other is a member of the pit crew.

14. groundhog day au (aka, tylers/jamies day keeps getting reset, again and again until they get together finally and wake up the next day)

15. alternate history, tyler is never traded to dallas, but they still somehow meet and fall in love anyway

16. cop AU, where in tyler the rookie transfers and get stuck with Jamie the sorta senior to show him the ropes. Jamie gets attached. And that’s...a problem, in their line of work. Or at least it is for him.

17. Survivor au- same or different tribe, as long as they’re the “showmance”

"The Bachelor" AU

Married at first sight au- either within the parameters of the actual show, or they literally get married the day they meet

18. Jamie!Poppins - tyler is a single father with a new baby and no clue of what he's going to do. enter Jamie Poppins!

19. Minotaur Jamie

The Dallas Stars are a pack of werewolves, and Tyler is the vampire that’s been traded to their team.

Shifter verse!! and ive got nothing else for this other than wanting to see tyler as a tiny lab puppy pls and thanks

20. Alpha Tyler and omega Jamie: “usually when I meet an omega I wanna bone, but with Jamie I wanna fucking hold his hand and feed him bonbons all day, what the fuck”

21. Jamie the delivery boy. Kay hear me out. Like he keeps delivering huge quantities of food to this particular house and it always seems like there should be more than one person. But there’s not. And Tyler orders. All. The. Time. Hopeful it’s jamie. But they’re both too dumb to ask each other out. Lots of pining

Uber driver! Jamie picks up Tyler from a one night stand

22. Tyler gets traded back to Boston AU - Everything hurts and nothing is okay. (except that at least one of them is retiring at the end of the season so it's actually more okay than they think) (also a future fic)

23. breakup and makeup but spanning over seasons - no cheese plots

24. Bond drama (abo) either they bond too quickly, like at the all star game or something and dont know ehat to do because theyre on different teams, or they really want to bond and its not happening as fast as they think it should

25. Boring office desk job

26. road trip to Montreal to visit Jordie

27. while out chilling at a bar celebrating a win, jamie and tyler are having a couple of drinks and when jamie gets up to go the bathroom, a drunk stranger and a couple of his friends decide to harass Tyler, upsetting him. A furiously protective Jamie intervenes and despite holding his own, Jamie is beaten up and him and tyler end up in a dumpster.

28. A University fic where Tyler is out and proud and gay and Jamie is still trying to figure out his sexuality but he's having a hard time. No homophobic Jamie tho please, just a guy trying to figure himself out. Would love if he would rely on his family throughout the fic for advice.

I’m always a sucker for college au, or masters/PhD students etc

COLLEGE AU BECAUSE WE ALL NEED MORE OF THAT IN OUR LIVES

'the cops showed up to a party we were at and chased everyone away. You and I happened to run in the opposite direction of all our friends and got lost in some dark and creepy street.’ - College AU

29. Tyler finds out Jamie is gay (outed/comes out/whatever you prefer) and embarks on a wild but good-intentioned quest to find Jamie his perfect man.

30. Tyler is hurt by Lites' comments more than one thinks and Jamie is worried when he sees Tyler crying in private.

31. sickfic? jamie taking care of tyler is- like just how pathetic is a sick hockey player?

32. team bed au omg someone pls

33. Harry Potter au but not as high school student, just something in the magical world

34. "3am and the fire alarm in our apartment building went off and you look cold here is my jacket"

35. Hockey AU but they’re all dnd races. I would love to see half-orc Jamie, and goliath Bishop, and tiefling Tyler. Please be as creative as you want with this!

Hockey AU where instead of going out, a core group of guys plays dnd in their hotel rooms while on the road. Tyler and Jamie’s characters are getting flirty in game, and it’s starting to translate outside of it as well.

36. Tyler and jamie fight - a *big* fight, and the next day Jamie suddenly got a deaged tyler on his hands and no idea how to fix it

37. Jamie owns a bakery and tylers the new tat artist next door plsplspls gimme that slow burn bullshit with this one

38. ty/jam used to have a whole friends w benefits thing that went oh-so-wrong because one (or both of them) caught feelings—as one does—and the fic is kind of that aftermath and trying to repair the broken relationship.

39. ZOMBIES

40. Homeless AU w/tyler

41. Tyler is smarter than he leads people to believe, and Jamie is into privately nerdy Tyler

42. Abo verse surrounding scents. Tyler smells like the most delicious thing Jamie has ever smelled, but he thinks he shouldn’t bond with a teammate

43. Youtube channel

44. Designer and single friend of client at a bridal shop AU

45. Beard appreciation

46. a tornado warning hits dallas and everybody is ordered to seek shelter. jamie follows tyler back to his house and hide in the basement with the dogs, frantic and terrified.

47. Tyler is a figure skater, Jamie still plays hockey. They meet and fall inlove but whoops tyler ends up pregnant. The world still isn't 100% accepting of LGBTQIA+ people and even less accepting of men getting pregnant. Tyler feels down at some point cause he has to put his career on hold. but it all ends up great in the end.

48. Jamie feels self-conscious about his ass after some chirping from opposing players and it's up to Tyler to comfort him

49. Wing!fic

50. They win the Stanley cup and kiss at centre ice

51. Jamie's a lifeguard. They meet after Tyler basically drowns himself. (It's not an excuse to have Jamie kiss him. Its *not*.)

52. Haunted farm au- Tyler is a witch that lives on a farm where extremely weird things happen. He ends up rescuing Jamie and Jamie pledges his services for one year in exchange for his life. During that year, they fall for each other hard, but there are outside forces in the farm trying to keep them apart.

53. Animal daemons

Goose daemons

54. Marshall, Cash and Gerry turn into human kids (temporarily or not), Bennguin handle being sudden parents

55. Tyler having a serious boyfriend for a while and Jamie is jealous because he wants to date Tyler but he’s not ready to come out. And he’s also upset because everyone is taking it so well and nothing has changed and he realizes he really missed out. But in the end they still get together.

56. secret relationship and how they almost get caught - many many times

57. Childhood pen pal / long distance childhood friends?

58. "Come here."

59. “Close the door.”

60. “I feel like I can’t breathe.”

61. “It’s three in the morning and you want me to do what?”

62. “You could’ve died.”

63. “I thought you were dead.”

#bennguin #bennguinfanfest #bennguin fan fest #hockey rpf

[criterioncollectionashaiku]

Criterion Collection as Haiku: Paris, Texas

I’ve seen over 250 movies in the Criterion Collection, and one of my all-time favorites has consistently been Wim Wenders’ 1984 film, Paris, Texas. The movie has popped up twice this week in very unexpected ways: once last night at a dinner with friends, and also on Reddit’s Criterion page, where someone linked to an essay by Nicky Smith called “The Emotional Terrorism of Paris, Texas.” Smith HATES Paris, Texas, and I’ll explain why shortly. Her essay has definitely changed the way I’ve thought about the world within the movie, but I’m here today to provide a different read — one that explains why I’ve loved it all these years.

Needless to say, major spoilers ahead. If you’ve never seen Paris, Texas and would like to view it tabula rasa, then stop reading and come back after you’ve had a chance to watch and digest it.

First, let’s start with a quick plot summary: The movie opens with Travis (played by Harry Dean Stanton) walking through a desert. He’s dressed in a dusty suit, a red cap, and an unkempt beard. We come to learn that Travis has been missing for four years. No one has heard from or seen him until, one day, his brother, Walt (Dean Stockwell), gets a call that Travis is at a doctor’s office in a remote part of Texas. Walt and his wife Anne (Aurore Clément) live in California, but upon hearing the news of his brother, Walt immediately drives to Texas. By the time he arrives, Travis has left the medical office and is roaming the desert once again. Walt searches aimlessly for Travis and eventually finds his brother.

Walt is full of questions, but Travis remains mostly silent. The two eventually make it back to Los Angeles, where Travis is reunited with his now seven-year-old son, Hunter (Hunter Carson), who for the past four years was raised by Walt and Anne. Hunter’s mom/Travis’ ex, Jane (Nastassja Kinski), left Hunter in Walt and Anne’s custody shortly after Travis left, and she’s had limited communication with Anne since then.

The first half of the movie is about Travis’ return to humanity — learning to reconnect with his son and brother and sister-in-law. He slowly becomes more communicative, although he’s largely silent on what happened between him and Jane.

The second half of the movie begins when Anne tells Travis that she thinks she knows where Jane is. For a year now, Jane has been making monthly deposits in a bank account under Hunter’s name that she asked Anne to open for her. These deposits always happen on the 5th of the month, and they’re always at a bank in Houston. Travis asks what day it is, and Anne says it’s the 1st of November.

Travis is determined to find Jane. When he tells Hunter this, Hunter says he wants to come along, too. Even though Travis knows Walt and Anne wouldn’t approve, he picks Hunter up from school and the two drive to Houston to find Jane.

They spot her at the bank Anne mentioned and follow her to a peep show club. Travis leaves Hunter in the car, then goes into the club to confirm that Jane does, indeed, work there. The next day he leaves Hunter in a hotel room and goes to the club for the climactic scene between Travis and Jane. Because it’s a peep show, the glass in the room is one-way: Travis, as the customer, can see Jane, but Jane can’t see Travis. All communications is done through a telephone on Travis’ side of the mirror and an intercom on Jane’s side. Travis tells a story in the third-person that’s actually their story: a story of a man and a woman in love, but the guy gets jealous and possessive. One day the woman says she’s pregnant, and things are okay for a while, but then once the baby is born the mother has postpartum depression, and the two start fighting more and more. The guy starts drinking and becoming abusive; the breaking point is one night when he catches the woman trying to escape, and he ties her to the stove. He goes back to sleep and wakes up to their trailer engulfed in flames, the woman and the son gone.

At this point, the conversation flips. Travis shines the light in his face so that Jane can see him, but he can’t see her. She has a monologue about how she couldn’t care for Hunter by herself, that she had an emptiness inside her. And even though she loved Hunter, it hurt to talk to Anne about the boy, so Jane stopped calling. She also played out conversations in her mind between herself and Travis, all the things she’d say, but since Travis disappeared she eventually moved on. Travis tells Jane where Hunter is, and the movie ends with Jane and Hunter embracing while Travis watches them from the top of a parking garage across the street before he drives off into the night.

Whew. Okay, so that summary was a little bit longer than I expected. But I wanted to lay out some of the key points that I’ll get to in a bit. Before that, let me summarize Nicky Smith’s argument about why she hates Paris, Texas. Her critique is with the second half of the movie, when Travis kidnaps Hunter to go to Texas. The crux of the matter is that we don’t ever see Walt and Anne again, and thus we don’t witness the deeply hurtful emotional turmoil they’re going through. Moreover, the climactic scene between Travis and Jane, Smith argues, is problematic. “What’s criminal and irresponsible,” she writes, “is shown as heart-warming and fun.” She views Travis’ monologue as valorization of his actions, completely whitewashing his atrocious behavior.

I have a very different read on these points. Because for me, what I love about Paris, Texas, is the structural reversal of traditional story arcs. This is not a redemption story. We don’t start with a character we dislike whom we grow to like (or at least empathize with). The example I’m thinking of here is Citizen Kane, a movie I absolutely hated when I saw it in high school. I couldn’t get over how much of an asshole Orson Welles’ character, Charles Foster Kane, was. But I rewatched it maybe five or six years ago and had a slightly different take. I still think Kane is a piece of shit, yet isn’t the whole “twist” that Rosebud is his childhood sled supposed to be humanizing? It’s an element to make him appear more gentle, to get us to feel for this horribly despicable character.

Paris, Texas does the opposite. Here, we start with an inherently relatable character. Casting Harry Dean Stanton as Travis was a genius move, because Staton’s face — especially when rugged and sunburned — is one that conveys sadness. He seems so gentle and quiet, so hurt and broken that we, as the audience, are drawn to him. The film’s grammar tells us that Travis is our protagonist, and by virtue of being the protagonist we give him the benefit of the doubt that he’s a Good Guy.

But this isn’t true at all — Travis is horrible. He’s abusive and emotionally manipulative, as we learn in the scene between him and Jane. I don’t view Travis’ monologue as in any way valorizing his actions or whitewashing over them. Instead, this is a deeply affecting moment of reckoning — not of Jane to Travis (who has had plenty of time to do so already), but of the viewer to Travis. We have to come to terms that this person we’ve followed for the past two hours was (is?) a monster. This isn’t redemption because the movie never full exonerates Travis. I had to put the “is?” in parentheses a sentence ago because I’m not sure myself how much Travis has changed. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he hasn’t fully earned it.

Take Smith’s example of kidnapping. That is, indeed, a supremely fucked up thing Travis does. I’m not going to try to excuse that behavior, but I do think Travis’ actions aren’t quite as nefarious as Smith depicts. In the scene when Travis and Hunter are driving after Hunter cuts out of school early, Hunter says he wants to come along to find Jane. Travis responds, “What about Walt and Anne?” because he’s aware of how this is going to affect them.

A few hours later, when they’ve reached San Bernardino, Travis has Hunter call Walt and Anne from a payphone. And here’s where we DO see Walt and Anne’s emotional turmoil. Walt is borderline angry at Hunter for not being home yet, and once they find out Travis is taking Hunter to Texas, Anne sobs. This is the last time we see them in the movie, and I argue that it’s the perfect way to hint at their devastation without turning it into a melodrama. Immediately after the call, Travis reiterates that Hunter can go home any time he wants — just say the word, and they’ll turn around.

The subsequent scenes of Travis and Hunter making their way to Texas aren’t some feel-good buddy road movie — at least not in my opinion. Most of their travel is in darkness, notably how they have to sleep in a laundromat because Travis can’t afford (or doesn’t choose to make?) a hotel reservation. This is foreshadowing of Travis’ more reckless side, the part of him we’ll soon learn when he talks with Jane.

Also, returning to Anne and Walt for a second: the fact that the road trip sequence follows the call from the payphone highlights their absence rather than disregards it, at least to me. The way a musical motif can establish a mood for a scene, Walt and Anne’s distraught conversation hangs over the subsequent scenes like an air of discord.

As I said before, one of my favorite parts of Paris, Texas is the structural reversals. I’ve already mentioned Travis’ arc from sympathetic to unsympathetic, but I’d like to point out a couple more. First, Jane. Our view of her changes as the movie progresses, one that’s an inverse of Travis’: I think the movie tries to get you to dislike her from the beginning, only to side with her in the end. Although both Travis and Jane are absent parents, I feel like there’s more tacit blame placed on Jane. One example is during a scene when Walt projects home movies onto a screen. Here we see Travis and Jane and Hunter on a trip to the beach with Anne and Walter. Everyone appears happy, the way we’re told to smile for photographs. Of course, knowing what we know of Travis by the end of the film, this is more Jane pretending that everything is calm and good. However, upon a first viewing, when seen through Travis’ eyes, here we see a woman who has left her family and continues to be missing. How could she be so cold-hearted???

But of course she’s not cold-hearted. She’s anything but. Jane cares so deeply for Hunter that it hurts her too much to hear about his growth and development during those conversations with Anne on the phone. She’s flawed, too, of course, which is what I love about this movie — no one is perfect. Everyone is complicated. But here, in the case of Jane, we grow to empathize with her the more we learn about her story. As our opinion of Travis diminishes, our view of Jane seesaws upward. She is a survivor of domestic abuse and a mother who never really got to raise her son because she thought she was doing what was best for Hunter.

And here’s another one of those narrative reversals: while most stories clunkily reveal exposition at the beginning of the movie, here the exposition is crammed into the last 20 minutes. We learn more about these characters in the end than we do in the whole two hours prior. In that way, the exposition becomes a twist — and not a gotcha twist like The Sixth Sense, but a genuinely disconcerting and unsettling twist.

Okay, one last example, and it has to do with Travis. If the expected narrative arc is for a character to go from being lost to being found, this film does the opposite: it opens with Travis being found and ends with him lost, adrift in the night.

There are so many reasons I love Paris, Texas. The dialogue is honest, funny, raw. The cinematography is gorgeous — all the colors! Ry Cooder’s slide guitar score is unique and fitting. The acting is phenomenal (aside from Hunter, who is wooden, but he’s a child, so I’m not holding it against him). However, one aspect that I don’t think gets discussed enough is Paris, Texas’ narrative structural elements. There’s a lot to appreciate on the surface of this movie, but it should be no surprise — especially given the subject matter — that there’s way more going on underneath.

One-way glass prisms prisons of their past, pent-up penitence roamed free.

#paris texas #wim wenders #dean stockwell #harry dean stanton

[profoundnet]

PROFOUND MEMBER POST - NOVEMBER 2018

Header by @pantydean and is available on merch from her redbubble store. You can use all those fancy emojis (and more!) on our Discord Server!

The Masterpost is open for all creations by ProfoundBond members which are posted in entirely during that month.

MEMBER CONTRIBUTIONS FOR NOVEMBER 2018!

Masterpost below the cut.

wargurl83 - @wargurl83​

Fem Cas for Jess

Summary: Art created for Jess/Jscribbles of Fem Cas

SFW

JessJessTheBest - @saywhatjessie​ - JessJessTheBest

Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner 

Summary:  “I’m Baby Del Mar and I think y'all are mighty fine. It’s time for ass-whooping. Who’s next in line?” Baby Del Mar is one of the top faces in the WWE universe. But in real life, Dean Winchester is just a guy who wants to keep his personal and professional lives separate. This turns out to be a problem for several reasons.

Tags: WWE AU, Established Relationship, WWE typical violence, discussion of past injury.

SFW

Accompanying art by @purzelndesbaeumchen 

kradarua - kradarua

The Stars, They Shine

Summary:  Engineer-in-training Dean Winchester just wants to work on cars. Astronomer Castiel Novak spends his time holed up in the school’s observatory looking at the stars and trying to piece together his dissertation. They’ve never had any reason to cross paths. Not until they get roped into participating in the college theatre group, anyway. When Lisa invites Dean to join her at the mass meeting, he can’t say no to a pretty face. But the joke is on Dean when he accidentally lands the male lead and has to come to terms with memorizing lines and trying not to make a fool of himself on stage. Moreover, despite his best attempts to stay interested in Lisa, there’s no denying the strange gravitational pull he feels around Castiel. Castiel is just here to prove to Charlie that he’s capable of doing something besides research; it should be easy, except he finds himself becoming interested in Dean in a way he really did not expect. Dean is trying to navigate being way outside his skill set; Castiel just wants to hold onto his scholarship without pissing off the religious organization that gave it to him. It’s going to be a long semester, especially if Dean keeps forgetting his goddamn lines. The show must go on!

Tags: Alternate Universe - College/University, Theatre, Homophobia, Misappropriated Christianity, Astronomer!Castiel, Accidental Actor!Dean, Gay Panic, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, First Kiss, First Time

NSFW

canadduh - @canadduh - canadduh

Uncle Dean: Adventures in Babysitting

Summary:  Dean has always looked after his brother Sammy. So it was really easy to extend that care to his brother's kid. Dean watches his nephew while Sam spends five hours on self-care for the first time since the death of his wife almost six months ago. Dean and Cas talk about the future.

Tags: Implied/Referenced Character Death, Kid!Fic, Uncle Dean Winchester, Uncle Castiel, Dean Winchester is a good Uncle, Fluff, Parent Sam Winchester

SFW

sharkfish - @reallyelegantsharkfish - sharkfish

trustworthy for such work

Summary: Cas hugs his pillow, and he’s mostly asleep when a memory works its way in. His father watching Fox news, a fearmongering piece about ifrits in healthcare. His father’s voice, saying, Blood is how they take your wishes. Cas always assumed that meant through feeding. But —

Tags: Dragon Castiel, djinn dean, Dragons, Djinni & Genies, Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Demisexual Castiel (Supernatural), Mutual Pining, Magic, Wishes, References to Addiction, References to Knotting.

NSFW

longing for grapefruit

Summary:  Dean lights up and takes the first hit, but instead of exhaling, he leans over towards Cas. It’s not a proper kiss, breathing in Dean’s air, but it’s intimate, and they take turns sharing hits in between kisses. Cas is flying. Cas can feel everything, Cas is out of his body. “Baby,” Dean says, soft in between them. “Let me make you feel good.”

Tags: Friends to Lovers, Recreational Drug Use, Marijuana, Oral Sex, Mental Health Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Shotgunning, Demisexual Castiel (Supernatural)

NSFW

dancing backwards

Summary:  Cas hears Dean Winchester come into the bathroom, but he’s too busy fiddling with equipment to acknowledge him at first, until Dean says, “So like, is there someone I can sue when I break my ankles?” Cas looks up to see the pair of pale pink stilettos hanging from his fingertips. The only thing he’s wearing is a long, dingy skirt with layers and layers of tulle like a tutu and dark, smudged eyeliner.

Tags: Actor Dean Winchester, Photographer Castiel, Dean Winchester in Heels, Fluff and Smut

NSFW

The Answer 

Summary:  “Can I ask if you’ve done this before? BDSM shit.” “Is it that obvious that I haven’t?” “We were all new once,” Dean says, giving him a smile.

Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Sex Shop, BDSM, Gentle Dom Castiel, Sub Dean Winchester, Dom Castiel/Sub Dean Winchester, Paddling, Face-Fucking, soft Recreational Drug Use

NSFW

overdressed and overeducated

Summary: My brother says I’m boring, Castiel wrote. Perhaps you can make me seem a little more exciting.

Tags: Stylist Dean, Cas is sad & bad at clothes, Meet-Cute, Weddings, First Kiss, Pen Pals

SFW

mittensmorgul - @mittensmorgul - MittensWraith

 Lost Time

Summary: Dean figured Cas was only trying to let him down easy. He needed a little bit of time to figure out how to deal with it.

Tags: Fluff and Angst, Dean Winchester Uses Actual Words, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Newly Human Castiel, Love Confessions, First Kiss

SFW

ravenscat - @ravenscat-tumbler - ravensCAT

“They Were in the Bag!” (Panties and dildos)

Summary: The Luggage Mixup Au no one asked for. Basically pwp, almost, it was supposed to be and then feelings happened. Gross.

Tags: Top Cas/Bottom Dean, Rimming, Blowjobs, Shower sex, plane sex, Dean in panties, lawyer Cas

NSFW

deliciousirony - @delicious-irony - deliciousirony

Arctic Light

Summary: Art for Northern Sparrow's Under The Midnight Sun

Tags: No Archive Warnings Apply, Dark-Eyed Junco (Original Character), Fanart DCBB, northernsparrow, Birds, Curious Birds, Physiology Of Angels, Angel Wings, landscapes, The Arctic, Deli, SPRW

SFW

dean-bangs-cas-in-the-impala (maknatuna) - @dean-cas-in-the-impala - Dean-Bangs-Cas-In-The-Impala

October in Paris

Summary: No matter where Castiel is he always thinks about Dean. Tags: Fluff, Romance, Friendship, Friendship that is slowly turning into romance.

SFW

EllenOfOz - EllenOfOz

For A Dream’s Sake

Summary: Part of the DCBB 2018. Just four ingredients is all they need to reopen the rift. Archangel grace, the Seal of Solomon, blood of a most holy man, and a fruit from the tree of life. Castiel returns from Syria with the fruit, saying that he killed some djinn and bargained with the rest. But just what bargain did Cas make with the djinni queen? What did he experience at her hands? Heaven's great leader of armies prides himself on his self-control, his steadfast courage under pressure. But when the djinni's dream is everything he's ever hoped for...

Tags: No Archive Warnings, canon level violence, canon verse, Djinn, angst with a happy ending, angel wings, season 13

NSFW

Accompanying art by @usarechan

Bumocusal - Bumocusual

Six Degrees of Levain

Summary: Dean has a dog that won't stop vomiting, a brother with Sasquatch hair that brings all the ladies to the yard, and is developing a particular attachment to the hot guy that jogs by his house.

Tags: Police Officer Dean Winchester, Animal Lover Castiel, Meddling Sam Winchester, Fluff and Smut, Romantic Fluff, Shameless Smut, Vibrators, Anal Fingering, Anal, Kissing, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Rimming, Top Castiel, Bottom Dean Winchester

NSFW

jscribbles - jscribbles

Your Story Isn’t Over Yet

Summary: One morning, Castiel wakes up suddenly very lady-shaped, and Team Free Will discover that a nephilim grows inside him. Sam has no idea how this could have happened considering Cas was supposed to be human, and Dean seems uninterested in finding out how or why their friend is pregnant and female - but he seems goddamn excited. Castiel retreats into himself, seemingly more depressed than usual. Sam is determined to get to the bottom of this mystery, though the others seem reluctant to discover the origin of the nephilim. Could the answer be right under his nose?

Tags: Temp MCD, mpreg (but not really), Temp Genderbend, Grace Baby, Angst, Grief, Implications of losing a child, Blood, Vomit

NSFW

supernatural9917

Cogitationes Publicae 

Summary: While organising a store room in the bunker, Dean accidentally breaks a potion bottle, and the contents leave him with no internal monologue. What secrets will be revealed when all his thoughts are laid bare? Written for the Destiel Smut Bingo. Square fill: Consequence of a truth serum/spell Tags: Destiel Smut Bingo 2018, Truth Serum, Dean has no inner monologue, Cas approves of this, Consequence of a truth serum/spell

NSFW

Hot for Teacher

Summary: Castiel Novak is a young new math teacher at Lawrence High, and Dean Winchester is a popular senior in his class. Dean has a bit of a crush, and Castiel can't help but notice Dean's charms. Written for the Destiel Smut Bingo. Square fill: hot for teacher

Tags: Destiel Smut Bingo 2018, hot for teacher, Teacher Castiel, Student Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester Has a Crush on Castiel, Castiel isn't oblivious to Dean's charms (No underage or relationship while Dean is a student)

NSFW

MalMuses - @malmuses - MalMuses

Wendig-Oh-No!

Summary: Of all the things that Castiel, former Angel of the Lord, expected to become as a human, being clumsy was never one of them. When Sam catches the flu, Dean is forced to team up with Cas on a Wendigo hunt in snowy northern Minnesota. It goes terribly. Or does it? SPN Reverse Bang fic, with art by @harplesscastiel.

Tags: Fluff, Miscommunication, Bedsharing, Camping, Human Castiel, Clumsy Castiel, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sharing Body Heat, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Wendigo, Hunter Castiel

SFW

Personal Space

Summary: Dean is an astronaut, and he definitely chose the career so that he could help move humanity forward, not just because he didn't want to sit in an office, thank-you-very-much. Becoming the first human to set foot on Mars was never part of his five-year plan, but he loved his job and couldn't say no when the opportunity arose. He had spent plenty of time thinking about what he was risking never seeing again if something went wrong; his brother, brother-in-law, and the adorable kid they were adopting, not to mention his friends, his car, and pie. What he hadn't considered was what, or who, he might find when he actually got there. SPN Reverse Bang fic with art by @thefriendlypigeon Tags: Mars Exploration AU, Astronaut Dean, Alien Castiel, Established Gabriel/Sam Winchester, Way more feelings than you would expect, Fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending, Slow Burn, Castiel Has Tentacles, Consentacles, Not as crazy as it sounds, Kid Jack Kline, So many references but actually not crack, Sam is a Good Brother, Jack is adorable, More Wholesome Than It Sounds, Tentacles, Tentacle Sex, Love Can Cross the Cosmos NSFW

The Doppelganger Effect

Summary: Dean had been having a pretty great week, all in all. There had been that case up in Dodge City where he’d worn a cowboy hat, he had made homemade burgers for dinner, and best of all? Cas was back from the Empty. Alive, unharmed, and in the bunker. Things were back to normal. Then they showed up to ruin things—Dean and Cas, Version 2.0. They're not just different, they're happy. Not to mention very... coupley. Thrown from their own world with magic unheard of since Purgatory, the doppelgangers need Team Free Will’s help—or is it Dean and Cas that need theirs? Suddenly, Dean is stuck in a minivan with two angels that hate each other, a (pretty awesome) copy of himself, and his gassy little brother. Through magic mirrors, ill-advised pacts with Eldritch gods and rather too many gas-station tacos, Dean and his angel face down the past, and decide on their future. A 2018 DCBB fic with art by EL.

Tags: Case Fic, Possession, Eldritch Gods, Car Accidents, Canon-Typical Violence, Eye Trauma, Tentacle Monsters, Horror, Canon Flashbacks, Dean Winchester is Bad at Feelings, Drinking, Pining, Slow Burn, Witches, Original Character Death(s), Mutual Masturbation, Gore, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sam Ships It, Casturbation

NSFW

exceptcas - @exceptcas​ - exceptcas

No Call

Summary:  While celebrating Sam's bachelor party in Vegas, Dean runs into Cas. --- This is based off of the song "Closer" by Halsey.

Tags: Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Relationship(s), Bachelor Parties

SFW

Hitori-Alouette - @hitori-alouette

Can’t do it alone

Summary: Art created for the DEANCAS CREATIONS CHALLENGE

Tags: #deancascc #destiel  #deancasedit

SFW

#member masterpost #member masterposts #november masterpost #profoundnet #profoundnet monthly masterpost #deancas reclist #member fic #member art

[dirkgentlyheadcanons]

Okay, so about those S2 E1 spoilers

Notice: I did not watch the episode. The lovely thats-entirely-to-much-tuna in the DGHDA discord chat did. So these spoilers are secondhand.

(And under the cut)

All of these are copied and pasted from the chat itself, and then occasionally paraphrased my me

Omg so much blackwing angst

Friedkin is a huge shit 

There's like this montage of Dirk doing all these tests and for one of them

if he gets it wrong, he gets electrocuted

And it happens like 12 times 

And another one smacks his face with paintballs if he gets it wrong (which explains why dirk has paint on his face in the trailer)

One of them (the tests)  is guess the correct image

One is guess which jar the ball will fall into

One of them is press the button to disarm the machine or something like that

The last one is the paintball one

There's a convo where Dirk is like "I'm not psychic" and Friedkin is like "yes you are" and Dirk is like "no I'm not" and Friedkin is like "yes you are" and it keeps going until Dirk is like "look, saying it faster doesn't make it true"

Omg Todd is losing his damn mind

Imagine S1 Dirk and multiply it by 10

Farah helps, yeah, but she thinks he's going crazy

He ends up being right though

But he does seem insane

He has one attack in front of Hobbs where insects are like flying out of his mouth

And Farah scoops him away but he drops the pill bottle on the ground and Hobbs finds it and obvs it has Amanda's name on it

And she's a wanted person

So that's trouble

Hobbes and Tina are amazing

Hobbs is hysterical. 

He pulls up behind Todd and tells him he can't park there and then just like monologues to Todd in a friendly way for ages

Tina shows up high and drunk

The interaction between Bart and Suzie is amazing

We know about project Moloch

And also Mona Wilder

Lots of parallels between Todd and Suzie

One convo between her and her son that mirrors Dorian's first convo with Todd

Bart is confirmed Marzanna

Ken is Project Alpha

No Mr Priest in e1

A lot of Mage tho

There's one part where the Blackwing dudes are shoving Dirk into a room and he gets all mad and goes "Hands off, I'm not a shopping cart!"

He gets so mad at Friedkin he starts like SLAMMING on the glass screaming "I'M NOT PSYCHIC" and he has to get dragged out of Moloch's room and the last thing he says is "THIS ISN'T HOW IT WORKS" and he's almost in angry tears

Ken inadvertently gave Friedkin the idea that he might get more results if he exposed the projects to each other

Moloch is in a coma

Moloch was Dirk's first assistant

He's really upset to see him so frail and skinny because he had a stroke when they moved him

He's all "What have they done to you?"

He says Moloch is the nicest person he's ever met because he let him talk and never interrupted him

So he's talking to Moloch and telling him he has friends now and he talks about how amazing Farah is

And then

He's like "I'm sorry, I have a new assistant now..."

And then his face goes ALL SOFT 

and he says

"His name is Todd, and he's...perfect" 

There are some Todd/Farah hand-holding moments though, so I wouldn't get high Brotzly hopes

But still

It was gorgeous 

It seemed like Moloch has always been in a coma and Dirk talked at him when he was little 

Freidkin doesn't have the squeaky toy anymore 

Hold on lol it's insane 

So Friedkin leaves the toy on his desk 

And then it starts to move 

And it falls off the desk and turns into a mouse

And the mouse skitters towards the door 

And turns into a piece of paper 

And floats under the door 

And turns into like a bubble that floats down the hall

And then into a Blackwing employee 

And then a little butterfly that ends up in Dirk's room 

And Dirk wakes up and sees it

And then the butterfly goes under Dirk's bed so we can't see it and turns into Mona 

And Dirk's all pleasantly surprised to see her and like almost paternal 

And he goes "What are you doing here?"

All soft 

And she tells him to find the boy 

And he's like ???? 

And she repeats it I think? And takes a cup of something and throws it at him and he literally dissolves into the bed in like 0.1 second

And that was it 

The car falls out of the tree in this episode too 

Right in front of Farah and Todd

Farah is literally losing it at Todd telling him he's not Dirk and the universe doesn't take sides and connectedness won't work for him and there's this creaking

And they turn

And this car falls out of a tree and nose-dives like BOOM 

Ooh also Suzie had some sort of accident and walks with a cane 

But I'm wondering, purely because of the Todd parallels (complete with her crawling through her own window), she might be faking the limp? 

The first time you see Bart, I'm pretty sure Suzie is driving and you see Bart like bike past her super quickly? I think she's on a bike? It's blink and you miss it. And then later, after the Mage has killed Suzie's boss (interesting Mr. Palacius mirror), and his henchman are taking Suzie outside to kill her, Bart rolls up and kills all of them and points the gun at Suzie and asks, "Do you know Ken?" 

And Suzie is freaking out but clearly doesn't know Ken, and Bart has this great speech about like "Normally i would kill you, but I think people don't like it when they're killed and it makes them sad, and dead, so I'm not gonna kill you, to make you happy"

And Suzie's like "okay..." 

Hahaha exactly! And Bart's like "Are you happy now that I'm not gonna kill you?" And Suzie's like "Yes..." And Bart's like "Well then why aren't you smiling? When people are happy, they should be smiling, like this..." And she like pulls this demented smile and Suzie tries to mirror it and Bart is satisfied and asks Suzie if she wants to come with her and be best friends

And Suzie is like "No, thank you..."

And Bart gets really upset and threatens to kill her anyway and then starts screaming at the universe and Suzie randomly blasts her backwards with magic and Bart tumbles into this huge hole in the ground 

Suzie did not know she could do this

The henchmen were trying to use this spell book and wand to kill her and it wasn't working

It fell on the ground when Bart killed them

And then this feeling overtook Suzie while Bart was freaking out

And I feel like maybe the wand like flew through the air to her? It all happened very quickly.  

But there's one scene where Amanda and Vogel are in this sort of wooded area by some water and Amanda is having confusing visions and promising Vogel that they'll find the rest of the Rowdies

And then security rolls up and tells them they're trespassing and Amanda is holding her ground like "We're the Rowdy 3!" And he's like "But there are only two of you." And she goes, "Ugh, shut up, math!" And they run towards him threateningly.

#Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency #dirk gently #Todd Brotzman #farah black #hugo friedkin #project moloch #bart curlish #Ken Hackerman #DGHDA #the mage #sherlock hobbs #Mona Wilder #deputy tina #suzie #s2 #s2 spoilers #dghda spoilers #amanda brotzman

[bluewatsons]

Ben Isaacs, Interview: James Ellroy, ShortList (2014)

Ben Isaacs: What have you been doing since your last book, the autobiographical Hilliker Curse, was published in 2010?

James Ellroy: I have a second career writing movies that don’t get made and TV shows that don’t get picked up. I want to write a Scotland Yard movie, but I don’t know the nomenclature. I’m considering spending some more time in Britain. But would I be confounded by the left-hand drive again? I once drove over the border into Scotland and kept clipping fence posts. Fucking nightmare. But I’m thinking of coming over to London – in winter, when it’s cold.

Ben Isaacs: We could do a house swap.

James Ellroy: Where do you live?

Ben Isaacs: Bromley in south London. I’m not sure you’d like it. It’s suburban.

James Ellroy: [Carefully looks around the diner] I hate hipsters, I hate liberals, I hate rock’n’rollers, I hate the counter-culture, I hate movie people. I want to go somewhere quiet, peaceful and decorous, and be radical in my mind. I have fatuous American ideas about Britain. I want to go to the moors. I want to buy a shotgun from Purdey for a lot of money, but I understand it’s tough to buy a gun – you can’t just walk in and say, “I’m an American, give me that gun.” British people are the best readers. They speak the same language, but view the material as foreigners. There’s no class distinction for readers there. They ask the best questions and you can talk to them afterwards and go to an Indian restaurant.

Ben Isaacs: What can you tell us about your new project, the second LA Quartet?

James Ellroy: I’m about to finish the first volume, called Perfidia – my biggest book – which will be published in Britain this fall. The new quartet takes characters both fictional and real, major and minor, from the first quartet and the trilogy, but places them in LA during the Second World War. It’s the month of Pearl Harbor, 6-29 December 1941. It seamlessly takes the quartet and trilogy, adds four novels, and makes my oeuvre as a historical novelist one inextricable 11-novel whole. And although the story is very much about the injustice of the internment of the Japanese – most of them innocent – let me say, and this is very un-PC, the fucking internment was not the Holocaust or the Soviet Gulag.

Ben Isaacs: Will people disagree with that?

James Ellroy: I don’t think they’d like my tone. But the book takes a theme I first got hip to thanks to Skyfall. It’s fucking brilliant and it’s the only profound James Bond movie. They’re usually boring and overlong; the books are boring and racist. The stories are shoddy and sloppily plotted. But Skyfall is about the defence of the West, and that’s what the series is about. I also want to write an espionage trilogy set immediately after the Second World War called the Red Alert Trilogy. Churchill predicted the Iron Curtain and Soviet aggression, and thought we should go into Russia while they were weak after the Second World War. In hindsight, he was right.

Ben Isaacs: How do you feel about Obama?

James Ellroy: I hate him. I think he’s a coward, incompetent and I find him sinister. He’s the face of cancerous socialism under the guise of benevolence. His wife going on the Academy Awards by remote hook-up made them come across like Soviet apparatchiks. However, I don’t have a TV, cellphone or internet and I find the world untenable. I’m a big Tory. Big. Tory. There’s also a part of me that loves to say, “Fuck you, I’m a Republican.” I’m a Thatcherite and a Reaganite.

Ben Isaacs: OK. You don’t have a TV, but some say that medium is now better at telling stories than films. Will you ever write a TV drama?

James Ellroy: This is where my TV paycheques have come of late – people wanting to make an Ellroy TV show. I like the form, in fact I love the form. I watch TV shows at a friend’s house most Friday nights. I think Deadwood and Mad Men were intermittently quite wonderful, but often shoddy and veered into incoherence. I saw one or two episodes of The Wire and thought it was bullshit. Bad writing. And I have no sympathy for the underclass. I was hired to adapt LA Confidential for TV last summer, but it didn’t sell. I also came up with a TV show about the private eye Fred Otash. The cable channel FX paid me, and dumped it. We have an actor attached now and we’re putting the script out again. I‘d love to put my stamp on this form of drama if I could control it to the most minute level.

Ben Isaacs: How do you write?

James Ellroy: I have a strange writing schedule now. I go to bed at 8pm, wake up between 1.45 and 2.30am and work for three or four hours, then go back to sleep, then write again in the afternoon. I know how to exploit what’s been given to me--early parental dysfunction, my mother’s murder, all my crazy shit. The most startling moment I’ve had as an artist was in New York in 1985 while writing The Black Dahlia, and in a heartbeat the structural entirety of LA Confidential came to me. I then realised that whatever I could conceive, I could execute. So I’ve executed ever more grandly throughout my career. The books have become more emotionally accessible. In [2009 novel] Blood’s A Rover there’s more interior monologue, more sex shit, more love shit. There’s even more of that in the novel I’m finishing now. Anyway, I need to go back to bed now. What are your plans for tomorrow?

Ben Isaacs: Nothing concrete until about 4pm…

James Ellroy: In that case, I’ll meet you back here at noon, after I’ve been to church, and we will continue. Don’t worry about the check, I’ve got this. And, whatever you do, don’t try getting a bus anywhere around here. Only a cab. And, like that, the interview is paused. Ellroy leaves a 50 per cent tip for the waitress and darts away. I was warned he was a difficult interviewee, so was prepared for that. I wasn’t quite ready for the journalistic equivalent of the girl who texts to ask when you’ll see her again after a first date. As I wait for a cab a woman approaches me. “I know you from somewhere, don’t I? You’re a producer. I saw you with James Ellroy. I’m an actress. Here’s my card. Call me.” Welcome to Hollywood. Less than 24 hours later I’m back in the diner. As I walk in he holds up an arm and says loudly, “Mr Isaacs!” Although I’m on time, he’s already eating. I order a sandwich he will eventually pay for, and get talking.

Ben Isaacs: You’ve said you’ll only write about LA now. What do you love about the city?

James Ellroy: My parents hatched me here. It’s a cool locale. As it happened, Raymond Chandler wrote about this place and preceded me. The likes of Double Indemnity were shot at Paramount – I grew up just south of there – and the movie features the market where I used to shoplift. My parents were quintessential LA arrivistes from the Midwest and East Coast. My mother was murdered here. Kevin Starr addressed the city from the left-hand side of the plate and viewed it as a dystopian nightmare, but I love this place. Now I live here because it’s where I come when women divorce me. The people I love are here, and I need to write movies and TV shows to earn a living. Plus, I love cars, girls and Mexican boxers. The winters here are great. My LA isn’t down and dirty. The fondness some people have for dives I don’t share. I can’t stand even a hint of discord or squalor. I’ve always preferred the more affluent parts of LA. I’ve always loved Beverly Hills. They used to have great movie theatres there when I was kid and you could lose yourself in a matinee.

Ben Isaacs: You set your Lloyd Hopkins Trilogy books in the modern day. Would you write a contemporary novel again?

James Ellroy: I don’t give a shit about the modern world. I was hassled by my agent to do it. I wanted to write third-person, multi viewpoint. I saw that I had to get to the historical novel – specifically The Black Dahlia. It allowed me to get to my work‘s major themes--the secret human infrastructure of big public events, and bad men in love with strong women.

Ben Isaacs: You sound like you’re thinking about your legacy…

James Ellroy: I’m very much doing that. I want to get my shit in line. In case I go to the doctor and he says, “Ellroy, you fucker, you’ve got six months to live.” I want to leave a great literary legacy. I will leave legal documents so no one can ever co-opt my characters or write an Ellroy knock-off book, like when Robert B Parker finished a Raymond Chandler novel. I came of age when being a writer was a big deal. Now everyone’s a writer, due to the internet. Half the people in LA are writing screenplays that’ll never get made. I want to secure my literary legacy despite being more and more flummoxed by cyberspace, the internet and the dissolution of the civil contract. That’s part of my reason for wanting to come to Britain – I’m hoping there’s a higher standard. You’re smiling, so I think you’re going to say no!

Ben Isaacs: Probably not as much as you’d like…

James Ellroy: They’re so sincere, wonderful, especially the working-class people. I stick around to be with them if I’ve got time. There’s just that it in Britain that you don’t see here. And dogs are treated well there. I had a dog gig when I was a writer in New York in the Eighties, working on Because The Night. For a few months I was the caretaker of a big snowbound estate in Rhinebeck; keep the heat on, chop wood once a week and finish my book.

Ben Isaacs: Wait, this isn’t going to be like The Shining is it?

James Ellroy: No. Shit no! [Laughs] I was looking after two Akita females. I took walks with them across golf courses in the snow, and urinated and defecated with them. We were a pack. I wasn’t the leader, but we slept together at night. If it was cold I’d call it ‘a two-dog night’. They’d growl at me if I got up to take a leak. Grr. It was like having two big, good-looking women fighting over me. So good. I love women and I love dogs. The potential nightmare for me is I go to Britain and all I see is like in LA; meth labs, white trash and women with tattoos.

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