#mod ceibh

[askanonbinary]

I identify as a female, but I don't like the She/Her pronouns... Am i Femme Non-Binary? Im extremely confused and I dont want to identify as something Im not..

If you identify as female, then you are not nonbinary. However, identifying as female does not mean that you have to use she/her pronouns! You can use any pronouns you like!

~Mod Ceibh

#mod ceibh #female #pronouns #Anonymous #ask

[askanonbinary]

Mod Name Change Alert

Hello dear ones,

Mod Ceibh here, unrelated but inadvertently supporting the many times we’ve encouraged you all to experiment, I’m test-driving a new name!

From now on, I’ll be going by Rowan. So if you see that, not a mod switch, just  a name switch!

~Mod Rowan

Hey!

Rowan isn’t the only one testing things out, though the timing is entirely coincidental, I assure you. I have decided to drop Kan and try out (and will probably stick with) Leo from here on out! Hope y’all have a great day/night/whatever, hope this change isn’t tooooo hard to swallow x

-Leo

#mod ceibh #mod rowan #name change #experimentation #leo

[askanonbinary]

What are there non-binary alternatives to "mum" and "dad"? Those seems awfully gendered but calling your parent "parent" seems a bit cold

From this list: http://genderqueeries.tumblr.com/titles

Mum/Dad

Parent; neutral, formal.

Per; neutral, short for parent.

Par; neutral, short for parent.

Dommy; queer, mixture of mommy and daddy (note: sounds like Dom/me, a BDSM term)

Maddy; queer, mixture of mummy/mommy and daddy.

Muddy; queer, mixture of mummy and daddy.

Moddy; queer, mixture of mommy and daddy.

Zaza; queer, based on mama and papa/dada.

Zither; queer, based on mother and father. (Note, zither is also the name of a musical instrument.)

Baba; neutral, based on mama and dada. (Note, baba means dad in some languages and grandmother in others.)

Nini; queer, based on the N in NB, similar to mama and papa/dada.

Bibi; queer, based on the B in NB, similar to mama and papa/dada.

Cennend; neutral, Old English (Anglo-Saxon) meaning parent.

Cenn; neutral, short for cennend.

Parents could also have a unique term for themselves, perhaps based on their name?

(Also, I do think ‘parent’ would start seeming less cold if you used it more.)

~ Mod Sock

EDIT: Thanks to Mod Ceibh, we’d also like to offer parental unit (which is a Coneheads ref that I have heard people use seriously) and life-giver (if appropriate and comfortable for you).

666luftballons replied:

There is also "ren" (mom/dad) and "renny" (mommy/daddy) shot for parent

#Anonymous #mod sock #q&a #titles #mod ceibh

[askanonbinary]

Non-binary isn't a real thing. Please stop trying to be "special" and "unique". You can't be neither male or female. Just because you think you lack specific traits identified as masculine or feminine doesn't mean you are a made-up gender. Kids will read crap that people like you come out with and will just be confused. Notice how no one over the age of 20 identifies themselves with these ridiculous made-up genders? I bet my life that you will look back on this in 30 years in embarrassment.

Hey anon, thank you so much for bringing this up! You’re right, there is an extremely saddening lack of focus on older nonbinary folks, and I think it is so, so important that kids like us are able to see themselves in their older role models. They are such wonderful, strong people who deserve recognition, so let me take this opportunity to tell you about some of the amazing older people I have in my life!

As I have mentioned in my introduction as a mod, I am a peer sex educator at a local youth program for LGBT teenagers. What I haven’t mentioned, however, is that this youth program is only one tiny part of a much larger organization thats spread alllllll around my state, and part of being a peer leader means that one of my duties is to attend bimonthly meetings with everyone involved with this organization. That means all the other youth peer leaders….and the adults they work with.

Its such an inspiring experience, honestly. In just my workplace alone, our program director is a genderfluid person in their 50s, who has been living in my town longer than I’ve been alive. They’ve been working in LGBT advocacy for the better part of thirty years now, and have been responsible for not only my town’s first pride parade, but our first LGBT prom and yearly tradition of hosting an intergenerational LGBT dinner with an elders group in the area. Our resident youth specialist, a nonbinary femme (and their super fantastic demiboy husband) are younger but still in their mid-30s, and have been doing an absolutely fantastic job so far in keeping our space safe and friendly. Both them and their husband, although he’s not technically an employee, have been adopted as the parents of the kids in our space who’s own aren’t doing their job well just because of how kind and understanding they are. Our previous youth advisor who recently moved was…Well, he was amazing. Bigender, in his 30s as well, he was such a huge influence on all our older group members and honestly such a driving force in my life. He’s helped me so much, personally, in finding my path - as unconventional as it is- and has helped me work though some really difficult times a few years ago and will forever hold a place in the hearts of everyone who worked with him.

Working in the greater organization can sometimes be a bit frustrating, because each youth group has their own kind of culture and ways and trying to translate that into a way we can work together can be a challenge, but such a worthy one. I have met so many hard working and inspiring older nonbinary folks, from all walks of life and with vastly different things to teach. The intergenerational dinner I previously mentioned? All the members of the elders group are between the ages of 60 and 100, and I have held some really interesting and informative discussions with the nonbinary members about their lives and growth as people! One notable experience is a transfeminine nonbinary woman who told me about how she came out to her wife when she was 57 years old. She began to formally transition a few years later, and explained to me how overjoyed she was to learn that not only was there a term to describe her experience as a person, but that she finally lived in an area in a time in her life where she could comfortably and freely live as she wants. She has three children and a grandchild, and has never been happier.

If you are a young nb and worried about your future, or worse, believe there is no future to worry about… I promise you, these amazing people are prime examples of how you can live happily well into adulthood without worrying about whether your identity is just something you picked up as a dumb kid. If you’re older, hey, you’re not the only one! Older nb folks exist everywhere you care to look, all it takes is a little time to find them. xx

-Kan

—

Hi, there! I just wanted to chime in here that I’m over 20 and have ID’d as nonbinary for several years! As for your bet, thanks, but if you have nothing better to do with your life than harrassing and trying to police how other people identify, I don’t think we want it. Thanks, but no thanks. Have a nice day, and thanks for your message!

~Mod Ceibh

—

Didn’t even ID as nonbinary until I was over 20!

~ Mod Sock

#see also: fuck you too #transphobia / #I was going to delete this but then I thought #hey #I cant NOT tell people about how amazing these folks are #it got very wordy and I am sorry #Anonymous #mod sock #mod kan #kan #mod ceibh

[askanonbinary]

uh I wanted to say that amab nonbinary people are important!!!

Yes, they are! Very important, and a hugely under-represented part of the community!

Shout out to all amab nonbinary folks out there! We love you!

~Mod Ceibh

#mod ceibh #amab nonbinary #positivity #Anonymous #ask #thank you for your kind message

[askanonbinary]

Somedays I feel guilty for not conforming to the gender I was assigned at birth. I respect and love women and believe that they deserve the world but I think that I am turning my back on them when I tell people I am non-binary.

You do not have to be a woman to love, respect, and support women. You’re not “turning your back on” women by being true to yourself. Throwing women under the bus or, say, blaming all women for the actions of female TERFs would be an example of turning your back on women. 

Staying true to yourself and identifying in the way that feels best for you and loving, respecting, and supporting women are not mutually exclusive. You can do both.

~Mod Ceibh

I actually relate to this. I’ve mentioned before on this blog about how my personality is feminine but my gender isn’t… Because of that, I’ve felt like a traitor to women because if I’m still gonna be feminine… why not be a woman? 

Ultimately, through a lot of soul searching, I’ve come to the conclusion that my comfort in my identity isn’t detrimental to women because it shouldn’t be seen as an insult. I didn’t “betray” womanhood or “turn my back” when I “left” because I didn’t leave anything. I didn’t betray women, I accepted myself. And that’s a good thing.

Every once in a while though I’ll hear this voice pop up that says “But I mean you should just identify as a woman, they need your political presence” and that’s a large reason I identify as “woman aligned.” Because otherwise I feel like I’ve left their fight against misogyny, and I don’t want to do that. 

Maybe the term “woman aligned” might help you too?

-Mod Zoe Leo

#mod zoe leo #Anonymous #ask #mod ceibh #identity #nonconformity

[askanonbinary]

hey I've been dating on nb person with they/them pronouns for almost 2 months but I'm still finding it hard to use those pronouns because she/her rolls of my tongue so easily due to the social conditioning around gender in general so I'm not used to it? I feel bad when I mix them up. have u got any tips for me to get used to saying they/them/they're? thank u x

practice a lot! if you mess up, start the sentence/statement over with the correct pronouns.

talk to yourself!

practice! a lot!

if you do mess up, don’t focus on messing up, or talk about how you messed up, just start over and use the right pronouns.

practice!

practice a lot!

~Mod Ceibh

#mod ceibh #pronouns #misgendering #practice seriously practice until you're sick of it #Anonymous #ask

[askanonbinary]

Hi, I came put as nonbinary in January. Where I live doesn't recognise nonbinary genders. To recieve healthcare & gain a job I've had to present as female. This has become a strain on me, as I feel like I'm living 2 lives. I feel like I'm losing sense of myself. My partner & I are getting married next year & people keep tagging me in "bridal" posts, despite me asking to stop as it's upsetting that we will be married as husband & wife. Do you have any advice as to how to deal with all of this?

I’m assuming you are already, but just in case: talk to your partner about this. Sometimes it can help just to vent to someone who cares about you, and they might have some insight that would be specific to the situation and the people involved that we just can’t have.

As far as the posts, go to these people directly--in private message--and put your foot down. Make it clear that this is your wedding, not theirs, and that the nature of the posts they’re tagging you in is creating disruption in your well-being. Also let them know that if they continue tagging you in these kinds of posts, you’re going to unfriend/block them. 

I can’t imagine how stressful it must be to be going through this, especially if this is coming from people who are important to you or who you want at your wedding. Ultimately, if they truly care about you, they’ll stop.

Most importantly, take some time for self-care, whatever that means for you. Your favorite music, a cathartic activity, your favorite food, or a back rub/massage--if you’re okay with someone touching you. If you are: bonus points if you’re able to trade massages with your partner, or at least try to--sometimes fumbling your way through giving a massage when you’re not good at it can be stress-relieving, and a wonderful bonding experience.

~Mod Ceibh

#mod ceibh #wedding #cissexism #Anonymous #ask

[askanonbinary]

(part 1) Hi my partner is non binary &have started to look more "masculine" compared to when we started the relationship. they're not on hormones of any kind but are naturally hairy and stopped grooming so they now have facial hair, and a uni brow is coming in and their arms/legs are quite full of hair too. I don't want to be shitty because obviously I still care and love them I just don't know how to not see that? I dislike body hair in general even on myself

(part 2) I feel really bad because I know if they ID’d as a guy and not nb I’d be totally okay with it. but I feel weird if they’re nb or ID as a girl. I know a lot of misogyny and transphobia and gender/social norms can come into play with this but I really just want to unlearn because I feel incredibly bad. Any tips?? Please I genuinely want to just look past it but idk how

This is going to be hard to hear, but…it sounds like you might be shallow, and you have some serious unpacking to do in regards to gender roles and presentation. If you would be okay with your partner’s current appearance if they were a man, but not because they’re nonbinary, that’s, well, cissexist. It honestly sounds like you’re conflating your partner’s identity with nonconforming femininity, and that is 100% not fair to your partner.

What you need to do is think, long and hard, about why you’re with your partner. What is it that you love about them? And are you using your relationship with them to prove how good of an ally you are? To prove how accepting you are? You might not be, but if you are, that’s not fair to them. 

Honestly preferences are preferences. If you prefer people with less body hair, that in itself is not necessarily problematic, but does that extend to all genders? Or only to people you consider more feminine? Keep in mind that, despite what media and propaganda show you, there are women out there who are quite hairy. There are nonbinary people who are quite hairy. On the other end, there are men who are not very hairy. 

However, if your preference for a lack of body hair comes with a conflation with femininity, you might have some serious media-induced bias to unpack in regards to that. In addition, if you do associate a lack of body hair with femininity, and you have a problem with your partner having body hair, then you need to do some hard introspection about why you have a problem with your partner growing out their body/facial hair.

~Mod CeibhYou have some stuff to work through and that’s on you, anon. Sending an ask to a blog isn’t gonna fix your relationship issues, and it’s not like we can provide a road-map to personal growth. 

-Mod Gillian

My co-mods gave really excellent answers, but I just have to add: your partner is not your experiment nor your “ally test”. If you can’t accept them and respect them, they shouldn’t have to deal with that. They shouldn’t have the burden of unpacking your prejudices for you. It’s time for you to confront yourself and your hangups - actively and aggressively correcting yourself when you think or say bigoted things is the only way you start to unlearn and improve. But I think you also owe it to your partner to have a talk with them. It maybe be that this relationship has run its course at this stage in your lives.

~ Mod Sock

#mod ceibh #mod gillian #relationship issues #gender norms #presentation #Anonymous #ask #mod sock #relationships #cissexism #exorsexism #racism

[askanonbinary]

Hi my partner came out to me as nonbinary last weekend and I had a very mixed reaction at first but now I know I just want to love them no matter the gender. I mean, it's gonna sound weird to others because I'm gay, dating a non-binary person so idk what to say besides "I love them no matter what". I want to know how to make my partner feel comfortable with themselves and what NOT to say? I don't want to mess up. Is there more casual word for boyfriend/girlfriend boyfriend instead of partner?

“I love them no matter what” is all you have to say. Unless they are an active participant in your relationship (i.e.: you or your partner), they don’t get to have a say. Their opinion isn’t important and really should have zero impact on your relationship.

The best advice I can give is to just tell your partner the same, that you love them no matter what, and tell them all the reasons you love them that have nothing to do with their gender (aspects of their personality, quirky habits they have, etc). If you love them and they love you, it’s pretty hard to mess up. They’ll know your intentions.

There are quite a few, both serious and sarcastic/joking/tongue-in-cheek. My favorite is datemate.

~Mod Ceibh

#mod ceibh #nonbinary #relationship #Anonymous #ask

[askanonbinary]

I'm genderfluid/nb and i consider myself trans but i came to the conclusion when i was in highschool that although i could pass as male easily i wouldn't transition and then due to bad circumstances i repressed my maleness and presented as my birth gender up until a few weeks ago. I've been trying to pass as male but I'm having more trouble and i feel like im just playing dressup. do you have any tips/resources on how to pass without transitioning? ur resource link is broken on mobile btw -Lucca

Honestly? Best thing I’ve found to help the way you carry yourself: boxer briefs. The crotch naturally sits lower without feeling uncomfortable, and the way the different shape interacts with your body can help you shift the way you move to a more masculine movement. 

Other than that, it’s the standard stuff. Loose, slightly baggy clothing. Wear men’s jeans, wear men’s shirts. The way you style your hair.

~Mod Ceibh

So I don’t have many passing tips to add (keep an eye out on the notes, though, as followers may chime in), but I will say that you can look through our new resource or passing tags. Might find some useful tips there!

What I really came in to comment on was the resource link being broken! Thank you so much for notifying us. It’s weird that it works fine on mobile browser but the mobile app doesn’t like it. I’ll look into trying to get this fixed, but mobile tends to make itself unfriendly, so there might not be much we can do. =\ Until then, here’s the link for you: http://askanonbinary.tumblr.com/Resources Our resources page has a glossary, pronoun list, and pronoun testing site link. Now that there’s more mods around, we can work on expanding the resources page to include tips for stuff like passing and transitioning!

~ Mod Sock

#mod ceibh #mod sock #passing #resource #blog notes #cthakitty

[askanonbinary]

I'm an AFAB Non-binary person and it really suck when my guy friends say shit like "i respect you don't identify as either male or female, but you have to acknowledge that you were born a girl" or "i get that you're non-binary, but people don't see the mental and emotional stuff and you're physically still a girl" and my guy friends barely use or try to use my pronouns (they/them), still call me a girl/woman, and don't use my chosen name (Sage) at all. Patience with this is hard.

What I would like, more than anything, is to respond to this with, “Drown them,” and leave it at that, but I don’t think that would be truly helpful to you.

If your “friends” are acknowledging your identity and actively refusing to respect it, then they’re not your friends. Stand up for yourself, and put your foot down. Tell them, in no uncertain terms, that if they won’t respect your identity and your pronouns, then you can’t be friends, and you won’t be acknowledging them as such anymore. Then, most importantly, follow through with it. Stop hanging out with them, don’t text them back, don’t acknowledge them when you pass them in the hallway. 

In short, if they won’t treat you with respect and basic human dignity, adopt the “Dead To Me” policy. These boys are not acting like your friends, they’re not your friends.

They’re refusing, actively, to treat you like a person. Return the favor. Treat them like they don’t exist.

~Mod Ceibh

#mod ceibh #cissexist language #norrihiddleskittycap #ask #fake friends

[askanonbinary]

How are you guys? Thank you for running this account you have helped me so much I love you all I hope you're ok :)))

oh wow! Hi! I’m great and I’m just glad we’ve helped!

- Zoe Leo

I’m also doing pretty good, and your kind message just brightened my day so much!! Tysm, I hope you’re doing wonderful!!! 💕 

~Mod Ceibh

I made a terrarium with my mom and sister today, so I’m feeling pretty good! Thank you, and I hope you’re doing alright yourself!

~ Mod Sock

The school year is starting and with it, all the programs and community events I am a part of every year, so I’m pretty damn excited! We’re glad to have your support love, I hope you’re doing great x

-Kan

#becca cookies #ask #mod zoe leo #mod ceibh #mod sock #fanmail #kan

[askanonbinary]

Yo so I just figured out that I'm androgyne and I don't really know what pronouns I should be using. Should I change my pronouns to they and them?

Feel free to try them out! Ultimately, you should use the pronouns that make you feel most comfortable. You are not obligated to use any particular set of pronouns in conjunction with any particular gender identity.

~Mod Ceibh

#mod ceibh #pronouns #androgyne #Anonymous #ask

[askanonbinary]

Hi! I'm working on figuring out who I am and right now I think I'm agender. I would really like to present more androgynously but I have a tall, very curvy, overweight female body. I know that you are what you feel, not how you look, but I still would like to look less female. Any advice?

Aside from the usual advice of binding and cutting your hair, etc, I would also recommend trying out altering how you hold yourself, meaning your posture, the way you move when you walk, and the way you gesture or present your body language.

Working out and lifting weights also did a wonder for me by building muscle and changing where weight is distributed on my body, but I am a stick, so I am not an authority on how that would work out on a curvy body.

~Mod Ceibh

#Anonymous #mod ceibh #presentation #androgynous #ask

[askanonbinary]

Is normal to feel insecure in this site and talking about my non binary experiences when i see how people tag you? I mean,all this thing about being a"transtrender", "transcum", " cispivious" "real" etc? It literally can bring me fear and unsafe to not be enough trans/NB. How we deal with it?

Everyone handles it differently, anon. Some are liberal with the block button. Others employ dark, vicious sarcasm (guilty). Most importantly, though, we find comfort and strength in community. With, of course, some exceptions, we know that we can be safe with one another, and that we’ll protect one another to the best of our ability.

~Mod Ceibh

#insecurity #mod ceibh #Anonymous #ask