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biffhofosho · 6 months

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The Good in Goodbye

Heart-rendingly sappy, self-indulgent Hyungwon smutty drabble under the cut because I'm so fucking stupidly sad today. I'm going through it, y'all.

"I wanted today to be perfect," she grumbles against his chest.

"And what about today isn't?" he replies, a smile thickening his voice.

"Besides the obvious? It's pouring. I had a whole day planned. I even mapped out this walk through a whole new neighborhood. I wanted to explore one last place with you before you leave me."

She is pouting, her bottom lip extra plump with her indignance, so Hyungwon cups her face between his hands and guides her eyes up to his. Her chin digs in against his ribs this way, but he doesn't mind. He likes the sharp reminder that she's with him now, like she's burrowing into his heart.

"Sweetheart, you know I'm not leaving you, right? I'll be back before you know it."

"Not before I know it..." she insists.

Her nose crinkles. He loves that look on her. Usually, she shoots it at him when he makes a bad pun or shoves too big of a bite in his mouth or laughs when she hiccups every single time after her first sip from a soda. But it's part of their love language, especially since it's always followed by a reluctant smile, just like it is now.

Her eyes soften, and she rolls her cheek back to his chest, her ear pressed over his heart.

"You're going to be gone so long," she whispers.

"I know, darling. I feel it, too."

She sighs and presses a kiss to his naked chest. "I'm sorry. The day's already spoiled, and I keep spoiling it."

At this, Hyungwon belts out his signature effervescent laugh, and she shakes on top of him. "How on earth are you spoiling it? I'm inside you. That's heaven itself."

He reminds her of their situation with a subtle thrust deep into her heat, and she gasps. Her nails nip at his skin as her eyes roll back in her head.

They've been pressed together like this for a while now, stripped down and joined at the lips and the hips so they can indulge in the most primal but simple intimacy. It would be too hot to stay like this in the summer, but thanks to the sharp chill of late fall, their apartment is cool, so Hyungwon can steal all the warmth he needs from her wet sex.

It's been mostly about making something last that's about to be unceremoniously ripped from them, but, also, the simple truth is Hyungwon feels most alive when he's buried inside his woman.

And she is his.

He doesn't say that out loud often because she loves her freedom and her friends and her job, and he respects all those things because they make her happy, too. Now especially, he must rely on them—however resentfully—because, when he's gone, they will be the things that will have to satisfy her until he can again. But it doesn't change that she is his.

As long as he's her favorite thing, he's fulfilled. So, up until their very last second together, Hyungwon plans to make sure she's as filled with as much of him as he can give her to sustain them through their temporary separation.

"The only thing that's spoiled is you," he teases with a twirl of her hair beside her face. "Shall I spoil you some more?"

"Please," she says and emphasizes her desperation for him with a pair of cartoonishly round and pleading eyes.

His cock quivers inside her.

"You never ask me nicely," reels Hyungwon, honestly in shock.

"That's because you're never nice."

"You don't like it nice," he reminds her, but she just persists with those doe eyes, and his heart is putty for her to mold as she wishes. "Of course, I'll give it to you however you want, sweetheart."

She beams at him and presses back deeply on him to his ragged groan.

"Okay then," she says, "I want something special today. Give me something that I can touch myself to when you're gone."

His groan is even rougher around the edges now. "How do you expect me to be nice after you say something like that?"

But he is. Hyungwon latches his hand in the small of her back and rolls them both over so she is beneath him. He usually likes it best when she rides him because she's absolutely stunning as his private starlet—breasts bouncing and skin glistening and hair billowing like flames in the wind—but not this time. He needs to dissolve into her, to cling to her like the lifeline she is for him.

Hyungwon kisses her thoroughly, their souls as entangled as their tongues. He's kissed her thousands of times, but this one feels different—more. She's extra sweet today, extra addictive. He thought he would escape into her body as he always does, but he realizes quickly that it was foolish to think he could escape her. She's silk over quicksand, and he can't keep his hands off of her as she traps him and pulls him forever into her.

She moans into his mouth, and Hyungwon realizes he's been sinking his cock into her on autopilot. His body knows what it needs, and it's her.

It's always her.

He laves her throat now with messy kisses before he sucks a patch there. He isn't as nice about this as he promised, but Hyungwon wants to leave her with him etched on her skin.

She doesn't mind. Instead, she encourages him. Her hand clutches at the back of his head and urges his mouth roughly against her.

"God, yes, baby," she purrs.

When at last she lets him up, her skin is a watercolor masterpiece of cherry and watermelon and plum. Her fingers rush to stroke it as her lids flutter and her teeth gnaw at her lip.

"Do I look pretty?" she drawls.

"You're art."

She whines and fingers his mark again as her back arches.

"You gonna wear me everywhere, baby?" he presses as he continues his smooth strokes into her cunt.

"God, yes. Wish it would last forever so everyone sees I belong to you."

This time, he whines. "You're so perfect. You know just what I like."

"Hyungwon..."

Her arms thread around him, and she pulls him flat to her. He's much taller than she is, so his face lines up with hers, and he as he pumps into her, the two of them are cheek-to-cheek, sighing and moaning just for each other's ears.

If there's a world outside their apartment, outside her body, he forgets it or, more aptly, he forsakes it. This is all Hyungwon wants. She is all he wants.

He holds her, strokes her, kisses her, possesses her. He dives down to suckle at her breast because there's something extra delicious about the way her hard nipple feels against his tongue. She always gets extra loud when he flicks it, so he spends all his time treating his girl to all her favorites tonight.

Which is why she knows just what to do when he brings two of his fingers to her lips. She sucks them in and swirls her tongue around them. She's noisy about this, too, because she knows what comes next.

When Hyungwon is satisfied that his fingers are dripping wet, he pulls them from her hungry lips and brings them to her clit. She's already stiffening there, which swells his heart and his cock in turn. She's so damn responsive to him, and yet another sin overtakes him—this one pride. He remembers all the times she's sworn at the height of passion that she's never craved anyone the way she craves him, and if he ever worried that was just pillow talk, that's swiftly contradicted by the way she trembles at his every little move.

The second he circles his fingertips around her, she shudders. Her pussy clenches around him. It's everything he can do to stop his body from just giving in and collapsing onto her.

She thinks she understands the effect she has on him, but she has no idea, Hyungwon realizes, and there's no way for him to even explain it. The way she feels around him—her heat, her scent, her softness—is as indescribable as it is inescapable. When he stretches her out and eases her open, her body devours him. It's like she was made just for him.

Her soft belly rolls with his thrusts just as her breasts do, and her head lolls on the pillow. Her eyes have drifted shut, though her brow knits with ecstasy. A steady stream of moans babble from her slackened lips, and Hyungwon cherishes each and every one because he's doing this—he's giving her the kind of all-consuming pleasure that he wants to be sure she'll never, ever find anywhere else.

Her little bud strains against his fingers now, and he delights in toying with it. It's mesmerizing watching the way she jerks and sings as he strokes and rubs and playfully plucks at it, and his hips answer the call of her desperate pussy as it snugs around his every ridge.

Things had started out so romantically, but like every time he's with her, he devolves. Through her moans and begs and watery, pleading stares, she knows just how to bring out the animal in him, the one no one else knows is there. He has to fuck her hard now because he can't stop, and it sways her beautiful tits so distractingly that he's enthralled.

"My prettiest girl," he praises as his fingers feather over her nipples. "I could live inside you. You feel so good."

She writhes beneath him, and she's also doing that thing she does whenever she's getting extra greedy for release, where she tips up her hips to meet him thrust for thrust. Hyungwon loves this, not just because of how much easier it is to get lost deep inside her, but because he likes seeing her unravel for him. It makes him feel powerful. It makes him feel masculine.

It makes him feel like he's the only man in the world for her, and now, more than ever, he's desperate to feel that way.

"Wonnie—ah!" she whimpers as she snares his forearm. Her eyes are frantic, and her mouth sags open. It takes her a long moment to speak again through her heavy panting, and it only furthers his descent into the warm clutches of pride. When she finds her voice again, she sounds borderline delirious. "Want to cum, want to cum. I'm gonna cum."

"Yeah?"

"Oh, fuck. Oh, fuck! Gotta cum for you, baby. Please," she cries. Her nails bite into his waist, so he drills harder into her, determined and dedicated.

Her other hand slides down to her aching clit, and Hyungwon is done for—he always is when she touches herself for him. There's nothing like watching his girl race to get herself off. He's happy to do it for her, of course, but sometimes her greed for his body gets the better of her, and it feeds his white-hot vanity like nothing else ever could.

She explodes around him. It's bliss, distilled down to its purest, most addictive form. She makes the sexiest noises--hitching cries and staccato breaths. The animal within her is unleashed, too, and he moans. He did that. His cock hardens to unprecedented levels, and the pressure inside him is immense, building and building like steam under an already chattering lid.

Her heat intensifies. Her walls constrict. Her whole body quakes around him, tugging, tugging, tugging him over the cliff with her, and because he'd follow her anywhere, he cums, too.

Hyungwon whimpers—he can't help it—and stills just inside her entrance so he can unload all of himself. He needs her to have his everything, now more than ever. He feels his seed gushing around his tip and flooding her velvet core, and it only makes his release that much more ferocious. His body empties frantically into her, pulse by pulse, until he's shivering from the hollowness left behind.

Still, as drained as he is, he ruts emphatically into her one last time, just as he always does, and stays in the haven of her belly as he flops onto her. She doesn't know it, but he's addicted to this final plunge because he feels the burning need to stuff everything he can of his deep down inside her. It's greedy, it's possessive, but it's also imperative to the frantic, pathetic creature inside him.

That's what loving her does to him. It unmakes him.

"I love you," he murmurs between heaves of breath into the safe harbor of her neck. She doesn't hear him over her own panting, but that's okay. It's more like awestruck gratitude to the forces that guided him to her in the first place.

His girl strokes his hair, and every nerve fires throughout his body. He hums and presses a series of kisses to the recess of satiny skin before him.

As she clings the back of his head, her other hand strokes his shoulder blades, and, even more wonderfully, her legs hook around the back of his thighs to keep his softening manhood sheltered right where it belongs. Hyungwon could disappear into her right now. Or, at least, he wishes with every fiber of his being that he could.

"Think about me every day?" he mumbles against her throat as he nuzzles his nose there, too.

"Every minute," she corrects and pets him again.

"If I write you letters, will you write me back?"

She chuckles, and the vibrations feel so soothing beneath him. "How very Victorian of you, baby."

"I'm serious."

"Okay." She pauses and kisses his crown. "I'll write you letters. That's kind of sexy if I think about it. A little bit of our souls is in our handwriting."

Hyungwon thinks that's just as intimate as it beautiful, but the truth makes him more vulnerable than that. Writing letters demands more of her time and her heart than a simple text or email would, and he's been spoiled their whole relationship with no shortage of either thing, so he's afraid that what they have will wither like an untended houseplant. He can't lose her. Not ever.

"You're awfully insecure for the most beautiful man in the world," she observes with a smile in her voice.

Hyungwon tries his best to act light even if he's never been so sincere. "I wouldn't be if you weren't so easy to fall in love with. I won't be here to keep the others in line."

"You're so silly, baby," she says as she shoots down for a quick kiss of his swollen lips.

Maybe he is being silly—actually, he knows he is. Hyungwon trusts just how much she adores him, but what he said is also true. She's irresistible. He often feels like he's competing against the world for her attention simply because her light shines so brightly. People are drawn to her like hapless moths, so even if he's a confident person everywhere else in his life, when it comes to this force of nature caged in by his embrace, he can't help but feel second-class.

"You're not going to forget me, right?" he blurts out once and for all.

"Hyungwon."

She is staring at him so seriously, he's paralyzed.

Her walls are seizing around him, just as desperate to hold on to him as she is. His seed dribbles down his base despite her body's tenacious efforts to not let a single bit of him go before she has to.

She's fighting back tears now, and he hates it, but, still, he can't move. She's got him so completely under her spell.

"I will never love anybody else. There is only you. There will only ever be you."

He fights back a tear of his own now, and it sets off his rhinitis, leaving him sniffling something fierce, and he wonders if maybe he is that old, sickly Victorian man after all.

"And you're not going to forget me, right?" she wonders, too.

"That would be like forgetting to breathe," he answers frankly.

They kiss again, slow and deliberate and fulfilling. He had almost softened to the point of escape, but Hyungwon is hard again, and as they kiss, he thrusts slowly. They're sticky, and each penetration is wet and loud, but neither of them care.

She rolls him onto his back, and it's her turn to take the reins.

By the time they're done making love, she insists on cooking for him one last time. Hyungwon balks. He's feeling lazy and indulgent and doesn't want to leave her side a second before he must, but she says she needs to do this for him, especially since they couldn't go on one last adventure together. He's grateful in the end since it's his favorite, and he knows it will be better than any meal he's ever had because she's made it with only him in mind.

He does, at least, convince her to picnic in their sheets—crumbs be damned—which works out because they make love again as the plates tumble to the floor.

By then, they're both sated and drained, and even though it is dark outside now, the rain still pounding against the panes, neither will allow their eyes to close.

Hyungwon lays beside her, his fingers trailing up and down her arm.

"We're going to get ants," she muses into the night though she makes no move to clean up, which is good because he wouldn't have let her go just yet anyway.

"If we get ants after an hour, then we already had ants, didn't we?" he retorts with a laugh.

"Fair enough."

Silence is common and comfortable between them—they're both prone to bouts of sentimental musings and poetic feelings—but this silence feels heavy. Neither knows what to say in the absence of all the body talk.

It should be enough—they've shared so much tonight alone—but it occurs in another one of those sentimental, poetic whimsies, that he has one more thing she should know.

"Take good care of my heart," he blurts into the shadowy bedroom. "I'm leaving it here."

"We may as well just swap then." She mimes plucking her heart from her chest and offering it to him, and he rolls his eyes.

"You're such a dork."

She brings the imaginary heart back to her chest and glares at him. "You want me to keep this then?"

Hyungwon hurries to snatch it from her, locks it in his chest, and tosses the invisible key. With a stern look, he says, "No take-backs."

"You're an even bigger dork than I am," she laughs.

"Then we're perfect for each other."

She smiles as she locks away his heart in her chest, too, before she sighs. Her arms snakes around his narrow waist while she shimmies into the den under his arm and caresses his chest with the tip of her nose. "I'm going to miss being losers with you."

"I don't think anyone can stop you from being a loser," he ribs in an attempt to keep the mood playful, but she's somber again, only now, her hand is clutching the new heart in her chest.

Hyungwon feels it too, the inevitability of the clock. He needs to bank some sleep before he departs because he knows these first few nights away from her will be sleepless, too, but he really doesn't want to sacrifice this. It feels like an insult to the pure joy the universe has been merciful enough to grant him.

But she reads him as she always does—easily. "Sleep, baby. I want one last night of peace in your arms. You always give me the best dreams."

"How can I say no to that?"

"You can't," she assures and rocks her smile across his skin like a stamp.

They lay there for another moment, but she's still stiff. He chuckles.

"Okay, okay, I'll clean up the plates," he says and moves to get up, but she cinches herself like a koala bear to his side.

"No fucking way, forget it. I'll do it tomorrow. It'll give me a smile through my tears thinking about how they got there."

"I love your chaos, sweetheart."

"I love you."

Their lips meet in a sweet, short kiss, but before they part, he whispers against them, "I love you, too."

All things considered, even as he's about to be ripped from her side, Hyungwon knows he’s the luckiest man in the world. He'll suffer a thousand separations so long as he can return to her waiting arms.

The rain patters away, and even though it ruined her plans for him, he thanks it for furthering his plans for her.

Hyungwon closes his eyes and breathes in the clean scent of her hair. He folds her into his arms—and into his memory and his soul. He will take her with him everywhere he goes for the next year so it's like she's never even moved from his side.

He doesn't tell her that when he returns, he will ask her to marry him. As hard as it is to keep it to himself, he can't propose now and then disappear. Besides, he needs to live in that starburst of perfect happiness with her. He wants to listen to her plan with her mother and her friends. He wants to watch her pore over wedding magazines and earmark the pages and ask him from time to time what he thinks. And there's no way he's missing out on the menu tasting either...

So he will wait until he can make love to her at night again and again and then snuggle her to him as he falls asleep, remembering how fucking lucky he is that she chose him.

For now, Hyungwon clings to her and the good in their goodbye.

A/N: I never write established romances. I never write drabbles (I mean, I guess this is longer than a drabble, but it's a drabble for me lmao). I never write slice of life. I never write anything in one sitting. But all my nevers go out the window when it comes to Hyungwon, it seems.

I went with present tense for this so I can feel like I'm trapped in this snow globe of a moment for the next 18 months lolsob. Also, I wrote a lot of this while listening on loop to Jus2's Drunk On You.

It's stupid to admit that something that is only 3,800 words took me a full work-day to write, but it definitely did. >.>

To my Hyungwon: Baby, I'm going to miss you so fucking much, but I hope you enjoy your time away from your constant obligations. Be healthy, be happy, be strong. We're not going anywhere, not for a single second. We can't wait for all of you to be back with us again. <3

Now, to go cry in a corner with my hood up, my bangs shrouding my face, and maudlin music warbling in the background as the rain falls.

#monsta x smut #hyungwon smut #the good in goodbye #baby you look so cute as a potato #say hi to the other boys for me #I'M GOING TO MISS YOU MESSAGE US LOTS

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