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luciuscaelus · 30 days

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Our Story (Fanfic)

Chapter 1 Promises

“Now, sing O Muses, of that brave boy Odysseïdes, Sparta has he visit'd, Pylos twice, with Athena the wise queen…”

“Stop it,” Telemachus giggled. “You’re acting like your father.”

“No, I’m not,” said Peisistratus. “You’re acting like your father.”

“No, I’m not,” said Telemachus. “Unlike him, I don’t have many deeds to brag about.”

“Doesn’t sailing for the first time count?” Peisistratus insisted. “And if you don’t like this song I can always make a new one for you.”

“No thanks, Peisis,” Telemachus said. “At least, leave it till my birthday.”

“That I can arrange,” Peisistratus replied, seriously.

And they locked their gazes for a long time, until Telemachus finally burst out laughing. Soon Peisistratus joined him, and their laughter quickly flooded the entire palace. It died down eventually, as the two young men slowly calmed down. Then Peisistratus started:

“I’m so glad you’re here, Tele. Had it been another usual day, I’d be hunting with my brothers in the fields. Not that I don’t like hunting, it’s just that I’ve so many things to talk about and my brothers always find them either boring or childish. You might be the only one I could chat with. Ah, I wish you could visit Pylos more often.”

“Yeah,” Telemachus nodded. “It feels like such a long time since we last met…has it been two years already?”

“One whole year plus nine months, to be exact.”

“Right, I’m not gonna doubt you. After all, you’re better with this than I am.”

“That’s about the time since your father returned home, yep.”

“Before he set out again, you mean.”

“He set out again? About when?”

Telemachus sighed. “About one year and eight months ago. Said it was something concerning a prophecy someone named Teiresias told him—”

“Teiresias? The Teiresias? But isn’t he already dead?”

“Yep. My father had visited the Underworld, literally.”

Peisistratus gasped. “What—Oh my, that was some nostos your father had. Anyway has he met any great hero there? Like Theseus? Or Heracles? Or even my brother Antilochus?”

“He saw your brother there alright,” said Telemachus. “And Heracles, who even talked to him…”

“That’s so sick!” Peisistratus exclaimed. “I wonder if we’ll be having an adventure like this in the future, say, just you and me, maybe plus someone else, I don’t know.”

“You know what? It would be great!” Telemachus blinked his eyes excitedly. Why have I never thought about it before? Hanging out with my friends? It’s such a great idea! And father is going to be proud of us…

proud…

He’s going to be proud, isn’t he?

Telemachus wasn’t so sure. He remembered basically everything in that day, when his father again departed from Ithaca, this time to somewhere unknown even to himself. He remembered that it was a sunny day, that the chanting of birds was glorious, that the sweet scent of olives was mesmerizing, that the airy dance of cloud was elegant. These he remembered well, but most vividly he could recall that very scene, that very conversation—

“Father, I want to come along,” he had said. “I want to be with you wherever you go, so we can at least share some thrills and fun together.”

“No, Tele,” his father had answered, shaking his head. “I’m sorry, but I can’t bring you on board, not this time.”

“Why?” He had been so confused. “But I’ve always wanted to explore the worlds outside Ithaca, to see the giant oak in Dodona, the reputable land of Calydon, the seven gates of the famous Cadmea…I want to have an adventure, father. Just like you did.”

He remembered that look well. That look his father had gave him, those eyes with such agony, such sadness. Is it panic, panicking at the thought of his son following him down the miserable path that was meant for his own to take? Is it fear, fearing for the life and sanity of his son? Or is it sorrow, sorrowful over the naïve and innocent spirit of his 20-year-old son? Or is it pain, painful about the fact that he doesn’t even qualify as being a father, who never had the chance to see his son through the childhood, and hadn’t gotten to know this brave young man his son has become, before his fate was calling him to sail out again?

For a long time both of them didn’t speak, and the look was growing wearier and wearier and…it seemed as if another decade had passed inside his father’s mind, another decade filled with tribulations and torments. Telemachus couldn’t help but feel his regret. Regret that he ever said those words, regret that he wasn’t with his father when he needed him. The hands. He could feel his father’s hands gripping his shoulders tightly. But finally his father had lower the head, and sighed heavily. In a low voice, Odysseus had begun. “Tele, you have to understand. This cruel world is not as entertaining as it may seem, or sound in those tales. It’s dangerous out there, filled with monsters, storms, ruthless gods, and…and things that can go beyond your very imagination. Things that are so terrible, so overwhelming…”

He hadn’t finished the sentence, instead he was choked with sobs, and Telemachus had felt so guilty, and so helpless. But he had tried his best to withhold his tears, and had started to comfort his father. “Then I’ll face them bravely, father, like you would do. Like a true son of Odysseus would do.” Telemachus had put up with a smile. “As a true Odysseïdes.”

“Oh Tele…” Odysseus had moaned with tears. “Oh…for ten years I haven’t seen your face, in one month I haven’t gotten to know you better, but look, what an undaunted man you have become, when I’m away!” Finally, he had cracked into a smile. “Yes, that’s my boy!” He had said with sincere happiness, though the pain was still present in his voice. But at least, Odysseus had smiled.

And Telemachus had exhaled with relief.

“Father,” he had continued. “I wouldn’t insist if you really don’t want me along, but I need to know where you’re going, what you’re going to do, and how long I should wait for your return. Could you please tell me, just for mom’s sake and mine?”

And Odysseus had nodded. “Don’t worry about your mother, Telemachus. Penelope knows about this, and you have every right to know it as well.” He had stopped, and looked towards the western sky. As Telemachus followed his gaze, Odysseus continued. “Do you remember the story I’ve told you, about that prophet Teiresias in the Underworld? I had asked him about my fate, and he had answered:

‘…When someone else runs into you and says you've got a shovel used for winnowing on your broad shoulders, then fix that fine oar in the ground there, and make rich sacrifice to lord Poseidon with a ram, a bull, and a boar that breeds with sows. Then leave. Go home, and there make sacred offerings to the immortal gods…’

“So you see, Telemachus, I don’t know where I’ll go to, but I know what I’ll find. It may be a long voyage, or it may be short. Who knows? But I’m going anyway, because I am Laërtiades, son of the honorable Laërtes—one of the legendary Argonauts.”

“I see,” Telemachus had said. “The blood of dauntlessness runs deep in our family.”

“Precisely.” Odysseus had laughed proudly. “You, my son, will also share this honor, in the future perhaps, when you take on a journey of your own, and build your fame with your own feats. But today, the journey is mine to undertake, and with the blessing of the prophet, I’m very certain that I will make it home again.”

“Okay.” With a serious face, Telemachus had nodded. “Then I’ll try not to surpass you.”

They were both grinning when an owl started to whoop from the forest.

“Wait, dad,” Telemachus had suddenly called. “If not this time, then when?”

Odysseus had given him a slight smile. “When I return, son, I shall take you to Dodona, where the oaks are august; then we’ll visit Calydon, where twenty two heroes had once gathered to slay that giant boar; then we shall go to Thebes, where twice had the Argives waged war against, one of them being the father of a king whom I have befriended; and then,” Odysseus had patted Telemachus’s right shoulder. “Then I will bring you to Pylos again. And know that I won’t be gone for long. This is a promise.”

“Swear it on the river of Styx?”

“I swear it, on the river of Styx.”

Gradually, Telemachus had returned the smile. “Thank you, dad.” He had said, voice cracked with the bittersweet taste in his throat. “Thank you so much.”

He remembered the hug, the kiss, and the departure of his father clearly. He remembered how often he had doubted that whether his father would ever make it back again. He remembered that worried look of his mother, who had often stood by the shores of Ithaca, waiting, waiting. But he also remembered, that Odysseus had made a promise.

And here they were, in Pylos again, weren’t they?

And it only took him eight months, didn’t it?

So, there’s nothing to worry about. After all, there’s nothing that can waver the resolve of Odysseus’s homecoming. And thus he shall always return. Always.

All because of his love, and his promise.

Telemachus nodded to this fact. Love, and promise. That’s what my father was proud of. And if I have found the courage to love, to make a promise, then will Odysseus be proud of me, even with the knowledge that I may travel afar, likely into an ocean of danger, and a sea of trouble?

Then will we get to have our adventure, and get back safely? Will we get to tell our tales, and make our own story?

So to Peisistratus he said these words, with all his heart:

“And I’m sure we will. Of this I give you my promise.”

#It has stayed in the drafts for days #it’s on discord now but since I did this on tumblr might as well post it #greek mythology #tagamemnon #odysseus #telemachus #pisistratus #fanfic #fanfiction #writing #epic the musical #I’ve thought about all the chapters and yes you’re gonna see many familiar places and people #Imma explain chap 1 here a little bit #Sing O Muses? Had to be done #And it’s in dactylic hexameter #One sad thing is that Ody cannot stick around until he made that sacrifice for Poseidon #Ody staying for one month is actually from his own idea (when he was still a Cretan who claimed to know himself)#And dw the course has been plotted using three maps #I’ll calculate the time later on cuz Imma try sth like the Captain’s Log recording #Oh and the winions are considered real here #so it’s also an epic fanfic lol #I’ll see how far I can go

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themoonking · 10 months

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when people bring up the racism, homophobia, transphobia, romanticization of domestic abuse / rape / pedophilia / incest, literal actual written porn of literal actual real life flesh and blood children, et cetera et cetera on archive of our own, one of the ao3 stannies’ main defenses is “you can just filter out the tags if you don’t want to see that!” when that defense has no fucking legs to stand on.

ao3 is not an archive, it is barely even a website: a rant <3 (very long)

ignoring the fact that it’s a problem that all of that is permitted on the site in the first place (i guess child porn and racism are fine, and the people who allow it on their platform are fine, as long as i, personally, do not see it), that defense literally means nothing. it’s assuming that every little thing on ao3 is tagged properly and it absolutely is not, and if you think it is you are dumber than rocks. i mean for fuck’s sake, just touching on archive warnings and not tags, “creator chose not to use archive warnings” is literally a valid option for fic authors to use when it should fucking not be.

if someone is a freak who thinks that pedo shit is hot, they might not tag it as “rape” (archive warnings OR tags). i’ve literally seen underage father/son rape porn with no trigger warning tags but “child abuse if you squint”. IF YOU SQUINT. if someone thinks that domestic abuse is actually cool and sexy when attractive people do it, they might not tag it as “abuse”. if someone is a freak who likes incest, but bends over backwards to justify it by only shipping adopted family members, then they tell themselves that they don’t view it as incest, and might not tag it as “incest”. if someone is a racist, a homophobe, a transphobe, et cetera and they wrote bigotry into their fic (or else wrote a deliberate troll fic to trigger people on purpose), do you really think they’re going to tag it as racism / homophobia / transphobia / et cetera? and some people get kicks out of writing purposefully triggering content and either leaving it untagged or mistagging it so that people will read it unsuspectingly.

even for just general content tags, it’s a mess. people just forget to tag things all the time. people deliberately won’t tag the endgame ship of their fic because “it’s a spoiler heehee”. people use the romantic or sexual “x / y” tag instead of the platonic or otherwise “x & y” tag, sometimes by mistake sometimes on purpose. it’s a joked about issue how people will tag characters or ships that appear in their fic for two sentences.

there’s no standardization of tags, which is a pretty obvious problem. what first comes to mind is the “dead dove: do not eat” tag which should just not be a tag at all because it just has no meaning. depending on the individual fic writer using it, it could mean anything from “literally the most sickening and depraved thing you’ve ever read in your life” to “horror w/ gore”. but it applies to other vague tags too - different fic writers will have different ideas of what the tag means.

in addition to that, what is and isn’t made a filterable tag, what tags are made synonymous, et cetera, is entirely up to the whims of the site staff. as an example, if you’re trying to look for fanfiction of a singular animated disney movie, the infinite crossovers with other disney movies will not actually be counted as crossovers (which they are) because they’re classified as the “disney theatrical animated universe” (which isn’t a fucking thing), so you can’t filter them out the “exclude crossovers” way. if you try to filter out the fandom tag “disney theatrical animated universe”, it’ll show up with zero fics because that tag is synonymous with every disney animated film (regardless of if the fic author actually used the tag “disney theatrical animated universe” or not), thus also filtering out the one you actually wanted to find.

and do not get me fucking started on the “all media types tags”, which also just shouldn’t be a thing because it makes it fucking impossible to find the specific fics you’re looking for. some people use it in place of tagging a specific canon / adaptation when their fic very clearly draws from one specific canon / adaptation, and you can’t filter it out because it’s synonymous with every fandom tag under its umbrella.

as an example of the issues of both the “all media types” tag and mistagging in general: as a fan of the witcher books, it used to be a fucking ordeal to find fanfiction specifically for the books (post netflix show release). some show fans would, for whatever reason, tag their fics with the book fandom tag in addition to (or even in place of!!) the show fandom tag when their fics were unquestionably show-specific, meaning i could not simply search only in the book fandom tag. i could not simply filter out the show tag, because some show fans would, for whatever reason, tag as fucking “all media types”, when their fics were unquestionably show-specific. and alas, i could not filter out “all media types” and the show tag, so that i see only those fics which have been deliberately and exclusively tagged as the book, not only because as mentioned some show fans would tag their show fics with only the book tag, but also because the fucking all media types tag filters out the book tag as well, leaving me with zero fucking fics REGARDLESS of if the author actually used the “all media types” tag. now, thankfully, i’ve thankfully seen this issue in this specific fandom lessen, but it still occurs in other fandoms and i guarantee that it didn’t lessen in the witcher fandom because of any fixing of the site on the part of ao3 staff.

another common defense of ao3 freaks is that it’s an “archive”, and therefore can’t get rid of anything anyone posts, and disregarding the fact that that is not how archives fucking work, they don’t just allow anything and also ao3 DOES get rid of fics... when they say that they don’t like proshippers, apparently, archives have... you know... archivists. they have someone or a team of someones making sure that everything in the archive is *properly fucking categorized*. they have someone or multiple someones making sure that everything they recieve (1) belongs there and (2) is properly labeled and organized. same for libraries. meaning that if ao3 really were an archive and not a sub par fanfiction website, they’d have something like that in place. something as simple as a report button for fics with a review team that will see if something’s been mis- or untagged. they’d have some kind of standardization of tags (especially the warning / trigger tags) and have proper tagging enforced in some way. and then they could also do something like stop being spineless racists, queerphobes, and pedos have the barest minimum of content guidelines saying that you can’t post fucking hate speech.

if something is mistagged or untagged, the most you can do is leave a comment politely asking that the author fix the issue, and then hope and pray that they do that. and if that person thinks [insert form of abuse] is hot, or if they’re just straight up a bigot that wrote bigotry into their fics to be bigoted, or they’re a troll that gets kick out of deliberately traumatizing people by tricking them into reading their mis/untagged fics, they might not! AND if you see a major tagging issue on an orphaned work, or a work that has an inactive author / hasn’t been updated in forever, good fucking luck getting even a negative response.

you can’t permanently block tags (i mean even tumblr.hell has that), meaning that if you would like to search for fic without coming across something troubling, triggering, or just something you don’t like, you have to either (1) do a work around by having a bookmarked link for every fandom you’re in or every character you like with all of your tags already blocked, (2) download browser extensions that do the work for ao3 because they can’t be bothered themselves, or (3) input every individual tag every time you search ao3 and don’t forget that all of those options only fucking work at all when everything is tagged properly, and we’ve already established its not. you also can’t actually block people (you can only prevent them from commenting) meaning that if there’s a specific person you’d like to stay away from your fics or a specific fic author that you don’t like and would like to stop seeing their fics clogging up the tag, you’re out of luck (though for the latter you could insert “-[username]” into the “search within results” box, but then uh oh we’re right back around to having to input that every time or have a bookmark)

their archive warning system is shit. first of all it’s functionally useless because, as mentioned, “creator chose not to use archive warnings” is an option. what’s the fucking point of special required archive warnings if you’re going to allow people to opt out anyway. second of all, aside from “chose not to use warnings” and “no warnings apply”, the only warnings are “major character death”, “graphic depictions of violence”, “rape/non-con”, and “underage”. disregarding the fact that they shouldn’t be allowing porn of underage characters in the first place (but i’m talking to a brick wall on that issue) and that “non-con” (and “dub-con”) as terminology needs to die, it’s just fucking rape lets not use weasel words... this is a paltry list of possible warnings. there’s no official warnings for depictions of: domestic abuse, animal abuse, depictions of racism / homophobia / transphobia / et cetera, suicide, self harm, et cetera et cetera. and we return to the issue of standardization of tags. in your required archive warnings at very least, there should be a standardization of what these mean, but ao3′s own faq is just like “ehh... you decide. we’ll leave it up to you”. what qualifies as graphic depictions of violence? two people may write the same level of violence, but qualify “graphic” differently, and make different decisions regarding their warnings. and we also return to the issue of: if a freak doesn’t see something that is clearly rape as rape, they might not tag it as such.

this website gets a disgustingly large amount of money every year that it doesn’t fucking do anything with. it’s been over a decade and they’re still in fucking beta. features that would actually be useful, like an actual block system, don’t exist. they technically have a report system for abuse and harassment and such, but apparently what they qualify as abuse and harassment is fickle. ao3 defenders seem to be very proud of the legal work they do for fandom / fanfic authors, but they set aside a very small amount of the money they get every year for legal advocacy, and they actually use even less of that, because it’s not the early 2000s “anne rice hates fanfiction” era anymore - you aren’t going to get fucking sued for writing fanfiction in the first place. based on their own self-reported yearly cost of upkeep, they literally already have enough money to run the site as they are now for the next twenty years.

once again: ao3 is not an archive. it is not a library. it is barely a even a website.

#specifically a website run by freaks #who care more about ppl's 'fannish experience' than they do ppl of color abuse survivors and the real children ppl write p!rn of #anyway here's the rant i promised in the coming days since that one post #also i know people will come at me and say that dddne DOES have a meaning its a signal that the reader knows what theyre getting into #so cant be upset if it upsets them #or something along those lines #but (1) we've already well established that the reader very likely doesn't know what they're getting into #because a lot of the shit on ao3 is untagged or mistagged #and a lot of stuff with the dddne tag specifically isnt properly tagged because authors use dddne as a catch all #and just put that down instead of actually properly tagging their work #and as mentioned the authors that use it that way use it for literally anything that might make something uncomfortable #from the sickest shit there is to a little bit of gore #and you can say that those authors (who use it without also tagging what exactly they're talking about) are using the tag incorrectly #but oopsie! that then circles back around to (2) if someone is using a tag incorrectly there's no way to deal with that #other than a comment and a prayer #i speak #anti ao3 #anti archive of our own #fandom nonsense #my monologues

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vynnyal · 9 months

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Unga bunga these take 3 hrs to make

#Artfight #Art #Hollers into the sky I'M MAKING AAART #Glad I still got it #Also was on vacay for the first two weeks of AF so thats. Great #Is it update time? Sure here's a quick life update #So I work at this tiny mom and pop shop right. Because they were so small they liked to take advantage of their workers #Aka me and literally 2 other people ever. I've been here for a year lmao #I always knew they were suspicious but it really came to a head when they accused me of stealing money #Btw they issued me a 1099 (the wrong tax form) so they already stole from me #I talked to the bank and had the delightful experience of slapping their account across the face with my guilt free hands #Metaphorically unfortunately #I'm gonna quit this week. I'm tired of these people. The drama was fun tho #Let's see. Ah! I just passed 1 1/2 years of Sky the other day!#More than the game itself I've become engrossed in the modding community hahaha #It's the weirdest little cranny of a fandom I've seen for such a large project #It's basically ONLY passed via word of mouth. And there's all sorts of fun drama happening within the discord(s) too #Idk this is just so funny to watch. Might get banned sooner or later but oh well. I've spent hundreds #It's their loss 🤪 and mine. Mostly mine. But also their loss 🤪#.... You know. My blog is small enough that I could post some funny stuff that I don't dare post anywhere else #Hehehuhuhu I just might. I have a lot of videos #OH SPEAKING OF VIDEOS I'm thinking of cleaning up all my old vids and publishing em to youtube #Apparently I just never did that #May as well dust off the ol' tube of yube and my handful of subs #I'll just post the unfinished ones unlisted as well. Why not!#Till next time. Hopefully soon

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crepusculum-rattus · 5 months

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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Philza Hardcore - Fandom Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Characters: Phil Watson | Philza, Phil Watson | Philza's Chat Additional Tags: Phil Watson | Philza's Hardcore Series, Greater Spawn Islands (Philza Hardcore Season Four), Human Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Phil Watson-centric (Video Blogging RPF), small mentions of the s4 gods, Alternate Universe, i mean it's kinda an AU but also kinda not so. take that tag as u will Series: Part 1 of you can't crawl back without making a choice Summary:

Phil takes a deep breath of fresh air and laughs on the exhale. It’s beautiful, this new world. Entirely untouched by anyone but the Universe itself. The wind blows gently across his face, pulling some of his hair into his eyes– it feels like a playful greeting, and he grins. He throws his arms out to either side of him and closes his eyes with a wide smile.

“Fucking finally,” he says to no one but the open sky, “Freedom.”

OR, the very very beginning of Phil's adventures in Hardcore Season 4

#heyyyyy guysssssss #remember that AU type. thing i randomly talk abt #here it is again #finally psoting more bc i AM a little tipsy and have decided to no longer fear it being unfinished #(will fear it again later)#this part is just the silly goofy exposition but i figured i might as well post it cause at least that part is finished LMAO #ANYWAYYYYY #*posts this so it can disappear for roughly 1-3 weeks again*#see u guys laterrrrrrrrrrr o777777 i will be Lurking like i usually do these days #ok byeeeeeeeeee #the rat writes #(im on desktop so no rat emoji LMAO)

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herssian · 2 years

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actually insane you have to post daily, if not multiple times, on platforms like twitter and instagram, to even be in the vicinity of being seen by people who follow you, let alone brand new audience lol this is why tumblr is still king, people will not like or reblog your stuff simply because they don’t give a shit

#and now for the non memey-part of the post: i've seen many artists lately on twitter #who have not been able to upload constantly and return to a 18k+ following #and have their posts get maybe 1 like because THEY'RE NOT BEING PUT ON PEOPLE'S TIMELINES #i'll burn your algorithms to the ground and build them back up with the tried and true tumblr noodle code #the tag system might not be working here on the best of days but it's not because of the algorithm #why are social media platforms so obsessed with making artists suffer #this is genuinely so upsetting for freelancers #even if you just wanna vibe as a hobbyist or as someone who simply wants to follow artists #you'll either not be seen or not see the people you follow #STOP THAT !#GET SOME HELP !

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martianbugsbunny · 6 months

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Personally i doubt thor knows loki loves him

U know what I'm gonna take the challenge on this one. Now, this post will only discuss their relationship in the movies before Ragnarok, because I don't really like that movie and I think it did a great disservice to both the characters and their relationship; the brightest and best of them comes from Thor, Avengers, and Dark World in my opinion, so I will be talking about what I love rather than what I have at best apathy for. Sticking it under the cut (it got looooong because I love to think about their dynamic), so if you want my opinion, read on, and if you've seen enough opinions for a lifetime and don't want any more, scrumble away and have a lovely day

Okay so let's start with Thor. In the beginning of that movie, there is absolutely no doubt in Thor's heart that Loki loves him, and here's why: Thor is an arrogant man who is largely blind to the things he doesn't agree with or understand. He has this mentality of other people just being made to love and adore him, because he's the future warrior king of Asgard, he's the golden boy, and because Asgard's people really do love and adore him, so his arrogance is only being confirmed by other people's actions. And of course, there's nobody who should love and adore Thor more than his brother, right?

Now, here's where I want to digress for a minute to talk about how incredibly unhealthy their relationship is. Thor kind of has the same outlook that Loki expresses in Avengers, that people are beneath him, and that's why they should all be looking up to him with awe and praise, and that extends even to his own brother. He tells Loki to mind his place and kind of brushes off his advice, because even though they're brothers and that's the closest anyone could get to being his equal, it's still not enough. Thor views Loki as another person who is beneath him, but who ultimately can't do anything but look up to him and love him.

This is an illusion.

Loki does love Thor. Their relationship, with how complicated and messy it is, only works if they truly love each other, and they do. But it's not the blind, adulating love that Thor expects. It's a jealous, aching love. Loki craves being equal to Thor, a problem that's only exacerbated by the way Thor denies him that position. He craves to be loved as he's assumed to love. And the problem with a love like that is how quickly it can turn. If Thor won't give Loki the affection he needs, then Loki isn't going to show Thor affection the way Thor wants him to, either.

That first movie is in multiple ways a brutal awakening for Thor. He's not the man his father wants him to be. His entire life he's been training to be king and then that future seems like it's been ripped away from him. He has his power and then it's all gone. And his brother, this person around whom he's constructed a narrative of almost reverent adoration, suddenly turns against him, tries to keep him in exile and then to kill him, tries to take the life that was promised to Thor. That looks absolutely nothing like the love Thor has believed Loki feels for him.

I would feel some doubt at that point. I think anyone would. My sibling tried to kill me. Does he still love me? Did he ever love me?

And to add to that natural doubt, Thor doesn't understand Loki. He never really has. He doesn't know what it's like to be, as Loki says later, living in the shade of someone else's greatness, the trickster brother who's never really trusted, let alone lauded. And correct me if I'm wrong, but even by the end of Thor, he doesn't know what really tipped Loki off the deep end. He doesn't know that Loki's just found out he's a Jotun in a land of Asgardians, that he's the very thing he's been brought up to hate and fear, so Thor doesn't understand why Loki is acting so erratically, which must compound the doubt for him. From his point of view it's like a light switch flicked and now Loki's trying to kill him, which increases the did he ever? question. Was it always a facade? And I don't think Thor ever quite realizes the illusion he built around Loki, the difference between his expectations and reality to begin with, so he also wouldn't be seeing that it's not quite instantaneous, that there were years of building resentment and longing that contributed to the tipping point of Loki's changed behavior.

So by the end of Thor, yes, he's got to be wondering if Loki loved him.

But when Thor appears in Avengers, do you remember what plea he makes? He says I grieved for you, I want you to come home. That's not the kind of thing you say to someone you think doesn't care about you. That's a plea to the heart. That's Thor trying to get to the love he knows is in there somewhere, behind everything else that's built up around Loki's heart; that's Thor saying I know you still love me, I don't know what changed, but please let our bond be enough to fix it. Whatever he's been thinking about between the events of those two movies, he's moved past that doubt enough to think maybe Loki's love for him will be enough to bring him home, even if some part of him expects Loki to say no anyway. We know that in the interim he learned of Loki's status as a Jotun, so maybe Thor's even begun to try to understand. Maybe he's been thinking about the fact that life got very hard and very confusing for Loki very suddenly, and he wonders if now that some time has passed, there's a chance Loki wants to come back and work through it with him and their parents. When he says "we were raised together, we played together, we fought together," he's not just trying to convince Loki that he's loved, he's trying to remind Loki of his own love.

Again, during the Battle of New York itself, Thor makes a similar plea. He offers that he and Loki stop the fight together, and his eyes are so incredibly soft when he says it, you know he believes it can still work. That belief comes from knowing there's something in Loki that wants to say yes, something that loves Thor enough to give up his dream of kingdom and stop the invasion. His use of together is interesting not just because he's offering Loki a way out, putting it on the table that Loki can exercise his heart and choose a better path, but also because he's finally putting Loki on the same level he is. We can do this, we can return home, you just have to find some part of you that loves me enough to choose equality with me in this fight over equality with me in having thrones. He also holds back when he's dueling Loki, which is a horrible idea if you actually believe a person has the capacity to kill you, but if you don't believe that, it's an ultimate show of trust. Thor kind of puts his life in Loki's hands by not using his full strength, and only after Loki rejects his offer and stabs him does he finally use more brute force, although it's still not enough to kill Loki or even knock him out. Thor really believes, not just wants to believe, that Loki will not kill him given the chance, that there is something in him that wants to go home, and it's all because Thor, after all his shattered illusions, still believes there is love for him in Loki's heart, even if it has been touched and twisted by anger and pain.

In Dark World, Thor is much more pessimistic when he breaks Loki out of jail. He basically says that his brother is no longer in there, that he won't hesitate to kill Loki if he steps out of line. I think this is important to note because Thor isn't saying I don't believe you love me anymore, he's saying the person who loved me is dead and this shell is all that remains. Thor says he no longer has hope, but he's still clinging to that belief that Loki did love him, in his own way, and he would rather view Loki as dead than let go of it.

But beyond that, there's the fact that he not only lets Loki out of the handcuffs, he gives Loki a knife. Once again, you don't give a weapon to someone you wouldn't trust not to kill you, and you don't trust someone you've had so much tension with not to kill you unless you believe they love you. Loki says "trust my rage" re: Frigga being killed, but I would argue that actually wouldn't go in his favor. Thor has seen what Loki resorts to when he's not processing his emotions in any way other than rage: he attacks Thor, he falls into perfidy, he just lashes out at the closest target. And even despite that, despite having fought Loki in Thor and in Avengers, having witnessed firsthand what destruction Loki was willing to either cause or help facilitate, Thor still gives him a weapon and trusts that Loki isn't going to kill him. There is clearly still a part of Thor that is saying he loves me, he's not going to kill me.

Of course, by the end of that movie, Thor is rewarded in his faith. Loki stabs Kurse to save Thor, and it appears to cost him his life, and as he's dying, what does Thor say? Stay with me. In essence, loving me so much you'll die for me isn't enough, love me so much you'll stay alive for me. It's not a rational thing to say to someone who appears to be bleeding out; a person can't generally stave off death on willpower alone when they've been stabbed in the gut. Thor always ends up speaking to Loki's heart, because he knows that heart is bitter and full of rage and grief but also love, even though Loki is absolutely horrible at expressing it most of the time. I want to talk about why Loki might've faked his death and taken Odin's place at the end of that movie in another post, but part of me really thinks he chose that specific way to fake his death because he wanted Thor to see that Loki did love him, and that was the only way he could think of to reach out without actually having to confront his own pain and the enormity of the breach between them. Now, the "I didn't do it for him" could be taken one of two ways: it was actually for Frigga, or it was actually for Thor. I'm very much inclined to believe the latter, as Thor is the one present in the scene. Also, the expression on Thor's face when Loki says that is so frozen, like yes, I wanted more than anything to be told that you still care, but not like this. And it feels like Loki is doing his best to communicate that he does love Thor, but his communication skills, especially with Thor, are severely distorted, partially by that unhealthy relationship they had early on where he most likely never felt entirely welcome to speak his true feelings, and partially by the chasm that opened between them when Loki went into his downward spiral of destruction, both of himself and of others. I genuinely think Loki doesn't know how to just say it. To quote myself from an earlier post I made about Loki, he feels like "there’s no way he can possibly repair the relationships he’s broken," so he doesn't try to apologize and make up for it. Like someone else (I forget who) has already said, sacrifice is the way Loki makes up for things. So he gives Thor this image of a sacrifice, the ultimate expression of love and devotion, because he doesn't know how else to say it.

What's the point of all this? Thor knew Loki loved him. That's the whole point of their story. Their love for each other is the cornerstone on which that immense cosmic narrative is built. Even with doubt, anger, bitterness, frustration, grief, pain all complicating their relationship and getting in the way of actually expressing love to each other, the fundamental truth of Thor and Loki is love. Is faith. Is hope. Is saying maybe you don't know how to say it, maybe you're trying to shut it down, but I know there is something in you that loves me and that's the part I choose to believe in.

Thor knew Loki loved him.

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rithmeres · 8 months

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genuinely these panels are going to make me ugly cry

#i'm not back for real yet i think i want to stay away longer. i'm just here to put more things in the queue and answer messages #i really enjoyed trimax vol 4 idk something about it was less miserable than 1-3 #might have been the first volume that i wasn't grimacing the entire time i read it. or maybe i'm just desensitized now.#unironically this prayer is soooo beautiful to me. give us this day our daily bread. not bread for the week not bread for a year #just enough for today.#lately when i've been praying it just looks like #please for the love of god please please please please please PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPL #things are not looking good for the community house.. lots bureaucracy with the city. and the church that funded us is falling apart #i don't know what i'm going to do if we get shut down it's the one thing in my life that's worth anything #all those kids... where are they going to go. who is going to help them. where is the neighborhood going to get their food.#in two days it will be the anniversary of [REDACTED] and i am so so so scared #just sat in my room today and fruitlessly scrolled thru jobs im not qualified for & tried not to think about thinking about killing myself #i don't WANT to kill myself i don't want to think about it i hate thinking about killing myself i will never ever kill myself or even try #but there is a demon or perhaps a ghost or evil wizard that tells me there's an easy way everything can go away. and it's A STUPID. BITCH.#please do not reply to this post i know you all mean well but i just don't think i can handle it.#talking about it i mean. and hearing people say nice but empty things.#i just wish i had someone to sit next to me.#personal #i don't want to go to church tomorrow :( it all feels so fake and i do not ever feel fed.

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yuriyuruandyuraart · 1 year

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i present to you, lumi! for those of you who wanted to see more ocs >;)c

you know those simplistic designs you doodle whenever you have a spare piece of paper? yeah she's pretty much a character i got too attached to now hhh xD

#my art #my design #my designs #my oc #reference sheet #i've been so busy all day i just wanted a lil art break xD #technically a new sona? maybe??#idk i just find her very fun to draw!! >:'D #it's 1 am here and i can't think of anything else to say uhhh #OH yeah thank you guys ssssO much for the support on my last artwork??? omg???#i think it's my first time hitting 500+ notes on a post ever and waking up to 60 reblogs might have made me cry a lil bit on the inside :'D #so much kindness istg you're all so precious to me i just!!!! <3333

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notebooknonbinary · 1 year

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when Mike and Will are in first grade, they attempt to run away. This is spurred by two things: Lonnie Byers’ general presence, and the boys’ current favorite book series, the Boxcar Children. The thought of living in a train car seems super cool to them, and since they live so near to train tracks, they figure that there must be an abandoned train car or two somewhere nearby. They begin trying to gather supplies—as discreetly as two six year olds are able to, which isn’t very discrete. Jonathan, age 11, finds out almost immediately. When he tries to convince them why it’s a bad idea, they—with their little kid logic—actually convince him to go along with it, at least for a little bit. With the condition that he goes with (after all, there’s an older sibling taking care of the kids in BCC, right?). He helps them pack a little better, maybe talks to Joyce about the kids going on a camping trip (to get away from Lonnie for the weekend), maybe implying (lying) that there will be Actual Adults there with them. And there’s no need to make excuses to Mike’s parents—Karen is pregnant with Holly and the whole house is focused on getting ready for the new baby. Karen will likely just think he’s at the Byers’ house. So over a weekend (starting on a Friday after school), Mike, Will, and Jonathan go exploring— looking for a boxcar or any abandoned train car—mostly looking along the train tracks. They eventually find the Junkyard—which the kiddos get excited about anyway (even Jon bc Boxcar Children was his book first shut up), so they proceed to search for hidden gems. They find a bunch of little treasures (a cracked but useable magnifying glass, an old working radio, and even a set of slightly cracked dishes in the trunk of one of the cars), but their biggest discovery is an old Bus. Jonathan tells them that, at least for tonight, it’s almost as good as a boxcar. Mike and Will immediately agree and the trio set out to make the space livable (to kid standards, at least). Set up their blankets and sleeping bags, etc. Jonathan reads to them (from the Boxcar children ofc). And the weekend goes along in a similar vein. The younger boys get homesick by Sunday morning, ofc, so they agree that the Bus can be Their secret place that they go to sometimes. Like the boxcar in the Children’s backyard. (And then Jonathan forgets about it after a while bc I completely forgot about the whole bit in S1E7 where they’re trying to find the kids—won’t remember til they go to pick up the Party and then Jon will want to hit himself for forgetting. The rest of the Party (once they become friends) don’t know about it. It stays a Mike and Will thing—until the Bus is p much destroyed in S2 RIP Bus). Joyce never finds out. (At least not for a v long time—maybe it’s one of the memories Mike uses when Will is possessed by the MF) Not about This run away attempt anyway.

Will tries to run away the second time when they’re in fourth grade. Again, mostly bc Lonnie Byers and his A+ parenting. And plus Will thinks one less child might make things easier on his mom. By this time, Lucas and Dustin are their friends too (and thus voices of reason, bc Mike is an enabler who probably immediately offered up his basement). So they’re talking about it—going over the pros and cons (Mike is still advocating for his basement), but Karen happens to overhear and it’s immediately Game Over: Joyce is told. She is, ofc, devastated. And they have a long talk about how much she would miss him if he were gone (ouch I hurt myself😃). So that’s the last time he actually tries to run away (Joyce gives brief thought that that might be what’s happened at the beginning of S1, but with the confirmation that Mike is Not in the Know, she thinks it’s v unlikely).

(And then during/after the divorce, if Will wants to run away, he either runs to Mike’s house to spend the night, or he runs to Castle Byers… He runs to it in the Upside Down. He runs to it after his possession has been lifted—as his friends (Mike) begin to pull away. And, after a Fight with Mike, he runs to it one last time…then there’s no longer any place in Hawkins Will can run away to.)

When they move to Lenora, Will thinks about running away back to Hawkins. He doesn’t go through with it though, because Mike hasn’t really been responding to his letters, and thus there’s no one to conspire with. Plus, with El, he doesn’t want to leave her alone. She’s quickly become a sister to him, and he knows (even tho school sucks for her), she likely wouldn’t want to run away from Joyce and Jonathan—considering she already lost Hop.

Once Will and Mike get together post-whatever happens in s5, Will tells him about almost running away to Hawkins (to Mike), and, it turns out, Mike had almost the exact same thought (esp when he couldn’t come for Christmas). Like he told Will during SB, Hawkins isn’t the same without Will there. They talk about ‘running away’ from Hawkins after they graduate high school—basically going to college out of state. “It’s not really running away if I’m with you, though. You’re home.” Michael Wheeler is full of cheese.

#again I dunno what this is but here #have a running away byler hc(s?)#why yes I will project my favorite childhood book and my childhood urge to run away onto Any and All of my favorite characters #stranger things #byler #will byers #mike wheeler #vee attempts to write #maybe one day I’ll write this out Coherently and post it on Ao3 but not rn we gotta drive like 8hrs tomorrow and it’s 11pm rn #Also Why Yes I do Hc that out of the four original Party members Neither Mike nor Will are the Voices of Reasons.#most often it’s Lucas. but sometimes (like half of s1) it’s Dustin. it’s almost never the other two #long post #not part of my fic series Technically but like it’s not Not part of it either #i should Probably format this or something but tbh I’m getting a headache so no thank u #also I’m sorry I wrote this when I was half asleep so it might be Shit and Also ooc I hope it isn’t but #byler headcanon #byler hc #bylers out here making good theory posts and I’m just like Will and Mike Run Away sometimes probably #this is sort of like a 3+1 sort of Not-fic thing ye? or like a 3+1+1 idk #vee fic

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gottagobuycheese · 2 years

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“Heewon-ah, what’s the matter—” she barely has the time to say before falling silent. Jung Heewon looks like a mess. Her eyes are bloodshot, her hair windswept, and she is trembling. She is wearing no jacket despite the rain outside.

Instead, she is wearing clothes fit for combat. On her hip hangs a familiar sword. Han Sooyoung would recognize it anywhere. Her pupils tremble as she raises her eyes to meet Jung Heewon’s gaze. It’s pale blue, the color of the sky in summer.

“Sooyoung,” Jung Heewon whispers, and Han Sooyoung can’t help but stare. Are those tears welling in her eyes. “My Sooyoung.”

“I,” she tries to say, because she knows that voice, she knows that tone, and the next thing she knows is Jung Heewon lifting her up in her arms, wrapping her in an embrace so tight it makes her ribs wail. If she was a regular mortal without her constellation status she probably would have broken a bone or few.

“I found you,” Jung Heewon, her Jung Heewon sobs, “I finally found you.”

(excerpt from saying goodbye is death with a thousand cuts by Karelyon)

(I’m fine I’m fine I’m totally fine I’m absolutely completely sane about them okay)

anyways this is all to say HAPPY HUGTOBER 2022!! you’ll be seeing a little bit more of me this month before I disappear into the ether again for unspecified bursts of time

and that is all to say that if thinking about how 1863!hsy left that regression without saying goodbye to her crew, only to march toward her certain demise for the sake of one person not dissimilar to someone else we know makes you go insane and also like a femslash twist to things can I heartily recommend the above fic

(just the lineart below the cut, because I like it a lot and also the rest will probably be colorless)

[ID: a lineart-only piece of fanart depicting Han Sooyoung and Jung Heewon from the webnovel Omniscient Reader by Sing-Shong. Jung Heewon lifts Han Sooyoung in a tight embrace, leaning back slightly as she wraps her arms around Han Sooyoung’s back, who is hugging her back with her arms around Jung Heewon’s neck and her legs crossed behind her hips. Both of them smile tearfully, closing their eyes as they cling to each other.]

#han sooyoung #jung heewon #omniscient reader's viewpoint #orv #soohee #omniscient reader #hugtober 2022 #hugtober day 1 #my attempts at art #‘cling’ is such a good word #it sounds exactly like it feels #anyways I have many many Thoughts about them at all times #and if I can ever get them to paper I might be able to know a moment of peace #but for now I will have to settle for frothing at the mouth like any other person every time I remember them #ANYWAYS HERE'S TO DAY ONE #I've got 8 more lined drawings set to go #I don't think any of the rest will be in color #the only reason this one is is because a) it's the first one b) I strongly felt that jhw was wearing blue in this scene don't ask me why #and c) it is the only non-canon hug in this line up so it gets to be special #can't wait to find a million and one mistakes in this as soon as I hit post #but at least jhw is wearing short sleeves here like she's meant to

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