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amarielebeau · 1 year

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Gambit, Mental Health & Trauma

(Prefacing this with this is my interpretation and analysis of Gambit as a character, past and current events. I've been a fan of roguegambit for over a decade- I love them both so much!!!!!)

Gambit is a character who has canonically experienced a lot of trauma- being abandoned by his parents, growing up on the streets, sold into slavery as a child, his first marriage failing, being exiled from his hometown, etc. (I could honestly go on for days.)

Yet, this is largely ignored by comic writers. In situations where his consent is violated, for example, it's brushed off as a silly haha, and he has no reaction to it whatsoever.

I think the reason his trauma is so unexplored is firstly, because he's a man, and secondly, a lot of these events happened in solo's written by men. Examples of this are Gambit (1999), when he was sold into slavery and Etienne died, as well as the Foxx storyline in X-Men (2004)- both were written by men.

Even in Astonishing X-Men (2017), after the Foxx storyline, Mystique claims -in a throwaway line- to have slept with Gambit presenting as twin sisters. His reaction is, "Wait, what? How?" and that's it. No one else in the group reacts, and it's never acknowledged again.

Personally, if I found out that the mother of my (ex-)partner, who sexually harassed me over an extended period of time in the past, had gone on to violate my consent in such a manner, I would be upset. To say the least.

It's only in more recent years that conversations about men's mental health and consent have begun to happen, so it's not much of a surprise to me (sadly) that events were ignored or brushed over in the past.

The reason for my pointing all of this out is in response to his characterisation in Rogue and Gambit (2023).

Thus far, rather than dealing with his trauma, Gambit has ignored it.

RG23 is the point where everything has caught up with him, and he doesn't know how to cope. I can understand why it might seem like he's suddenly being written as a completely different person- for a very emotionally-driven person, somehow, his trauma has never negatively affected him in the past.

However, to understand RG23, we need to revisit Knights of X (2022)- where Gambit's depression came to the forefront. In issue 1, we see Rogue has left a note stating, "Shug- Working late. Don't wait up - Cher". We see he's unhappy about this, it's not the first time, and it's what leads him to join KOX and travel to the otherworld. He's lonely.

This panel from issue 2 tells us everything we need to know about Gambit's headspace at that point in time. He misses Rogue, he doesn't believe she misses him, and he doesn't believe she loves him anymore.

Gambit has always struck me as the kind of person who desperately wants to be loved, but does not believe he is worth loving. At the beginning of his relationship with Rogue, he wanted her to love him, but he couldn't let himself emotionally invest in her.

This could be attributed to a whole number of things, but I think it all comes down to low self-worth. We know Gambit doesn't think of himself as a good person, which leads to him willfully making bad decisions at times (self-destructive behaviour). We also know that when he loves, he loves with everything he has and more.

After his exile from New Orleans, Gambit chose to abandon Bella Donna instead of bringing her with him. I think, from his perspective, he'd done irrevocable damage to the peace between their families, not to mention killing her brother. He couldn't allow her to sacrifice everything just to be with him, so he left her. Why? Because he didn't believe he deserved her love and dedication.

I'm certain this is a mindset Gambit took to all of his relationships going forward. Flirting, flings, and one night stands are an easy way to feel important for a minute without the risk of someone truly knowing him and deciding he isn't worth their time.

I think this is why it took him so long to admit to Rogue (and himself) that he was in love with her. I think this is also why we've seen him completely give up on communicating with her between KOX and RG23.

If Gambit starts a conversation with Rogue about their relationship, he's opening himself up to rejection. We know from RG23 issue 2's Rogue interview that she would never reject him (from her perspective their marriage is fine), but he doesn't know that. To hear the one person he loves most in the world outright say she doesn't love him anymore... It would break him completely. So, Gambit avoids the conversation.

In KOX issue 3, Gambit essentially killed himself to save his team.

Now, consider his mindset: he's in the Otherworld because he thinks Rogue doesn't love him anymore.

I'm not saying that directly led to him killing himself- as I said, he did so to save his team. However, I think it's safe to say if his mental health was in a better place, he wouldn't have made such a decision, let alone have gone to the Otherworld to begin with.

This page from KOX issue 5 highlights his feelings for Rogue. She's his heart. His reason to live. Compare her statue to all of his:

Rogue's statue is surrounded by light. There's no way anyone could miss seeing it versus his statues, representing multiple versions of himself- all of them are shrouded in darkness, no visible details.

Not only does Gambit not want people to see him, he wants them to look at Rogue. To Gambit, Rogue is the best part of him.

I'm not gonna pretend that's a healthy mindset. If anything, it further emphasises to me his low self-worth.

I want to point out this page for several reasons.

Firstly, it could be said that Gambit didn't want to be saved, and that's why his Death persona manifested to kill his team. He wanted to stay dead.

Secondly, Death is the very very worst part of him, yet he says, "You ain't really changed if you ain't looked in the mirror and seen the worst parts a' yo'self. I am Death, mes amis." He's essentially telling them that this terrible, awful person is who he's always been deep inside. We know this isn't true, but this is what Gambit believes.

Thirdly, as mentioned earlier, when Gambit slips into that belief of "I'm a horrible person", he often makes bad decisions. In RG23 issue 2 (set after KOX), we see him tie an innocent civilian's hand to a gas stove, turn it on and then set it on fire. Gambit knows this is a horrible thing to do, but he's in such a horrible mental state that he doesn't think he's above this behaviour. I will come back to this point.

Gambit asks how anyone new is coming to the Otherworld because the gate between Krakoa and the Otherworld was closed, and Betsy could only take ten of them. To partake on such a dangerous mission, Gambit chose to risk leaving everything behind without knowing if he'd even make it back alive.

In a sense, he abandoned Rogue in a similar way to abandoning Bella Donna. He went somewhere neither of them could reach him. Or supposedly couldn't.

Rogue was first to greet him after his revival. Gambit couldn't believe this because a) he thought he was dead, and b) why would Rogue, who is too busy for him, be the first to see him after his resurrection?

It's easy to think that this moment resolved Gambit's worries that Rogue didn't love him, and that, going forward, their problems were fixed, but as RG23 shows, it didn't. Rogue showing up for him once isn't enough to fix their current issues because the problem lies deeper than Rogue's absence.

At a superficial level, it's easy to blame her for Gambit's mental state, but I believe this depression he's fallen into has been a long time coming. Decades of unprocessed trauma, insecurity and self-destructive behaviour- literally dying and coming back to life, have culminated in the Gambit we see in RG23. To be honest, you have to be in a very very dark place to kill yourself, self-sacrifice or otherwise.

Issue 1 of All New X-Factor (2014) shows Gambit is no stranger to drinking and barfights. The difference is his mindset. We know he can win a fight against multiple people- we've seen that happen many times. So why, in RG23 issue 1, was he suddenly unable to block a punch, let alone hold himself upright?

Because he didn't want to win.

When Rogue arrives to rescue him, we learn multiple things. It's not the first time he's disappeared somewhere without telling her; it's not the first time she's found him so drunk he's incapacitated; it's not the first time she's had to save him from a fight he's not winning.

What this tells me is that Gambit is purposefully putting himself in dangerous situations as a form of self-harm. He doesn't tell Rogue where he's going because he doesn't want her to save him. He drinks to the point he can barely stand to make sure there's no way he can win a fight, and then he starts a fight to get the shit kicked out of him.

It almost seems like, in some sense, he still wants to die, but he can't kill himself. Not while he remains in limbo with Rogue.

It works both ways- if he never asks Rogue how she feels, he never finds out that he's right and that she doesn't love him. He also never finds out he's wrong and that she does love him.

It's important to add here, that Rogue is in a very difficult position.

RG23 issue 1: we can see Gambit actively shutting Rogue out. He calls it a "misunderstanding" and his "business". Despite the fact that they're married, Gambit is basically telling Rogue to stay out of it.

Again, he's shutting her out, making light of such a dangerous situation and then outright ignoring her. In fact, Gambit's completely disregarding her feelings. We can see Rogue is exhausted. It's hard to care about someone who doesn't care about themselves.

And Rogue does care. A lot. Every time Gambit goes missing she goes out to find him, saves him and then brings him home to take care of him.

But she can't help him if he won't let her.

When someone you love hurts themselves, it hurts you too, and Gambit is indirectly hurting Rogue, but he refuses to see that because he's decided that she doesn't care. In his spiral of self-destruction, he's completely shut down communication between them.

Asking for help is never easy to do, and we know he thinks she's too busy for him. He doesn't want to burden her with his issues.

Furthermore, he doesn't want to face his issues and resolve them.

In issue 2 of RG23, after losing their powers, Rogue is freed from the burden of having to consciously control them at all times, and we see them share a moment of physical intimacy.

I find his use of "tête-à-tête" here (French for "a private conversation") ironic because we all know they weren't talking.

Returning to what I said earlier about Gambit and flings- physical intimacy is an easy way to briefly fill the void of what he's missing in emotional intimacy.

I don't believe he suddenly views his relationship with Rogue as something akin to a fling. I think the opposite.

Gambit invests in their relationship physically but not emotionally because to him, that's the safest way he can connect with Rogue right now. Touch is his love language, and when he can't find the words to speak, physical intimacy is the best he can do.

Rogue and Gambit (2018) showed us that, back then, Rogue was the one struggling to communicate her feelings, and Gambit was always very open with her about where he stood, so why the role reversal?

We can see Rogue trying to communicate, but Gambit shuts her down, pushing her away.

By doing this and holding onto the idea that Rogue doesn't love or care about him anymore, Gambit is sub-consciously trying to ruin their relationship.

Given how much he loves Rogue and wants to be with her, this tells me he's still in a very dark headspace.

Going back to the statues being parts of himself he doesn't want anyone to see, as well as becoming Death once more, and finally confessing his core belief- that he can't change, he will always be a terrible person: Gambit's trapped himself in his own insecurity.

If he opens up to Rogue, he risks her seeing him for who he truly believes he is. What comes with that? Rejection.

Here, we see Gambit drinking once again. Rogue also mentions how, on one occasion, he argued with a sommelier over wine. In both issue 1 and 2 Gambit's use of alcohol has been highlighted in a negative light. It's an unhealthy coping mechanism.

Also, it's easy to look at this scene and think Rogue is the one who can't let loose and lighten up, but I think what's actually happening is Gambit is ignoring her feelings, as he did in issue 1. She has a drink and two glasses next to her on the table, so it's not as if they haven't already spent a considerable amount of time having fun there.

When Rogue says they should leave, Gambit's more interested in continuing his escapism- until Black Panther arrives, and he starts another drunken fight he can't win. A pattern has been established.

"He'll save her. He's a hero." is a very telling line that reveals why Gambit did what he did- because he's not a hero, and he knew the woman would be saved.

To reiterate, Gambit believes he is a terrible person who is not above doing terrible things. He does not change: he will always be who he was as Death. The worst of the worst.

By risking an innocent woman's life to save himself (and Rogue), he only furthers this belief.

We see here that Gambit looked back to check if Black Panther did indeed save the woman he endangered. Without looking at Rogue and speaking quietly (evidenced by the smaller writing and bubble), he says to himself, "He saved her." Because Gambit isn't the terrible person he thinks himself to be- he couldn't leave without knowing the woman was safe.

This is how we, the reader, know that Gambit hasn't suddenly changed and become a terrible person. He's struggling with his mental health and sense of identity after a lifetime of trauma.

Honestly, there are so many more traumatic events I could talk about.

There's a long list of people Gambit's lost- as mentioned before, in his 1999 solo, it was shown he was partly responsible for the death of his cousin, Etienne.

In X-Men (1991), we found out that, after a failed heist, Gambit was forced by Sabretooth to pick between saving his brother and saving Genevieve. He chose his brother, and she was killed.

In his 2012 solo, Gambit's love interest, Joelle, killed herself in front of him. In his 2022 solo, he failed to save his love interest, Marissa, and as a result, she became visibly disfigured.

It goes without saying events like the Morlock Massacre would've had a huge impact on his mental health and sense of self-worth too.

If you've read all of the above, you might be wondering why only now are we getting to see the repercussions of all this? Why does all this trauma suddenly matter?

Rogue and Gambit (2018) opened the doorway for exploring their issues as a couple. Mr and Mrs X (2018) gave Rogue an opportunity to revisit her trauma (and finally conquer her powers in the process). Now, I think it's Gambit's turn. At this point, he's surpassed rock bottom, and the only way up is finally confronting these issues.

Will everything I've mentioned here be explored in Rogue and Gambit (2023)? I doubt it. It's very plot-driven and only five issues long.

However, I do think the first step for him is resolving his communication issues with Rogue, which I'm certain will happen in RG23. Afterwards, it wouldn't surprise me if we see him continue to fight his own demons in future issues until he finds his closure.

IN CONCLUSION: I understand the frustration with Gambit's characterisation and why it may seem like he's suddenly become an entirely different person. I don't expect everyone to agree with everything I've said!!

This is my personal interpretation of everything- I'm not trying to blame the current situation entirely on Gambit and act like Rogue can't make a bit more effort.

Their issues are a lot more complicated than simply Rogue not spending enough time with him.

I look forward to seeing this develop further in RG23 :D

tl;dr in my opinion his characterisation so far in Rogue and Gambit (2023) makes sense following the ideas established in Knights of X (2022): Gambit is depressed, has a very low self-esteem, and doesn’t believe Rogue loves him anymore

#i hope this all makes sense my brain turned to mush towards the end #rogue #gambit #analysis #knights of x #rogue and gambit 2023 #remy lebeau #anna marie lebeau #romy #roguegambit

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stardomyx · 7 months

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“PROMARE” Theory -Burnout Burnish: The strange case of Governor Kray Foresight.

Originally from my Wordpress site: DISCLAIMER: I would like to establish that nobody has to agree with or even like my theories, especially since this particular post is on a Canon character. These are purely my headcanons and my thoughts on this character, I am not about to force these ideas/headcanons onto anyone.

It’s no secret that Studio Trigger’s 2019 animated movie ‘Promare’ is a fun, emotional ride from start to finish, and is more than likely to leave you with both a headache and a lot of questions, for it’s also no secret that this fiery fun fest is filled with more plot holes than a fine Swiss cheese. But some – including myself – would argue that this presents an opportunity to theorise and fill in the gaps for ourselves.

So that’s what I’m going to do.

Throughout the film, we see various characters succumbing and becoming hosts to the vibrant, alien fire life forms known as the Promare and as a result, this group of people go on to become known as the Burnish. The biggest montage of this occurrence happens right at the very beginning of the film, as the audience is introduced to the basic premise of the story. Throughout this bright, colourful, yet pretty grim series of shots, the majority of the newly awakened Burnish all appear to manifest their new powers in very much the same way, it’s almost worth calling it a pattern.

The film shows us that a Burnish’s awakening is often intense, sudden, and destructive to the people and property that are unlucky enough to get into its way. The Promare manifesting in this manner is undoubtedly a big part of what caused the Great World Blaze to be as devastating as it was, with half of the human population being reportedly wiped out. However, after I’d watched the film through a few times, I started to realise that most of the people who became Burnish throughout the story follow this pattern. The pattern being that the colourful fire would come bursting out from either their eyes or mouth, sometimes both; but most of these awakenings are generally centred around the facial area, as seen below.

The only, tiny anomaly to this strange pattern appears to be poor Thyma – who in “Galo Hen/Side: Galo” is seen to have Burnish flames rise up from directly beneath her while she’s lying on the ground. However, this first burst of flame does still appear to have manifested in her upper body, and upon closer inspection; her eyes are blank and her mouth is open. I would count her as a slight oddity, and perhaps that this is all owing to the fact that she was on the ground when the Promare manifested, but in the grand scheme of things, her awakening doesn’t stand out terribly alongside every other Burnish in the film.

As for what causes the Promare to manifest in these specific areas the most – I’m honestly not sure – my best guess is that it’s a metaphor for their minds and possibly also their wills merging together with their hosts; as human and Promare. Professor Deus Prometh is heard to claim that the Promare sync with the humans it resonates with, so perhaps the brain is where this resonance happens the most. Lastly, it’s worth noting that Lio himself says that the Burnish can clearly hear the Promare, as they urge their human hosts to let them burn, the Promare are in their heads. So with all things considered, the fire life forms manifesting in this way makes sense.

However, like most things in the world, there’s always an exception, and that exception just might take the form of one character.

That being the villain of the film: Kray Foresight.

Kray’s awakening is drastically different from any other we see. Not only is his first ‘spasm’ – as he so delicately describes it – concentrated into his arm rather than his eyes or mouth, but the resulting blaze also amputates that arm completely, burning it away to nothing but ashes.

So what happened here?

My best guess is that – canonically at least – this is all metaphorical; simply put, Kray’s bitter resistance to the Promare messed up his own awakening. Most of the Burnish we see in the film are proud of the fact that they are Burnish in defiance of the oppression they face. This rings particularly and especially true for Lio and the rest of Mad Burnish, but Kray very obviously doesn’t share that sentiment. His disdain towards the Burnish has lead to him shunning this part of himself, which is most likely why his awakening was depicted in such a way. There’s also the fact that he’s the antagonist, and this radically different awakening was most likely done to portray that fact. But I like overthinking things, and I quite like the idea that this is beyond just being metaphorical, and that there’s something seriously, scarily wrong with the way Kray synced up with his Promare. To the point that I’d argue that they didn’t actually sync up at all.

I’d go further than just saying that Kray’s Burnish awakening got off to a rocky start, I would say that he never received the immunity to the Promare’s power in the first place. The protection that the rest of the Burnish obviously have against the heat of their flames is very much absent here, and his big reveal towards the end of the film just solidifies the theory – to me – that his flames actually hurt him as a result of this imperfect awakening. Actively using his flames cause him pain as a result of his resistance to becoming a host for the fire life forms, which would no doubt result in strengthening his hatred of the Burnish and of the Promare. Lets dive in.

I’ll start with the most obvious point; Kray wants and perhaps needs to keep his Promare subdued to the best of his ability, not just because he’s the Governor actively campaigning against the Burnish, but also possibly because slipping up has a painful price tag attached to it. Thanks to the technology he has at his disposal however, he has been able to keep it under wraps.

There are a few scenes in the film which suggest that his uniform is infused with freezing tech of some kind; maybe even the same kind used in the anti-burnish cuffs. Of course, there’s the scene atop the Foresight Foundation building where Lio’s destruction of Promepolis almost leads to Kray using his powers, but thanks to Galo, there ends up being no need for it. The scene ends without there being a Burnish reveal on Kray’s part, but not before we’re treated to a tiny wisp of steam rising up from his palm. Besides that, there’s the more obvious and yet somehow simultaneously more inconspicuous scene where his flames – now well and truly free – have to blast through what’s quite clearly a coating of ice to get to their target. It really puts me in mind of – again – the anti-Burnish handcuffs, as well as the weapons used by both Burning Rescue and Freeze Force. This kind of icy shield would keep his Promare locked in and deactivated, thus decreasing the risk of injury.

This either implies that Kray wilfully deactivated the cooling tech in his uniform because he knew it was Crunch Time, or his Promare simply burnt through the safety features he’d installed. I prefer to go with the latter option, just… Because it’s kind of scary to think about.

Towards the end of the film – where we see the most of Kray wielding his Burnish powers – he appears to prefer the use of his prosthetic arm throughout his fight with Lio and Galo. This could just be because he’s a lefty and he never truly got used to losing his dominant arm, but the fact that the majority of his attacks all come from his prosthetic arm, does point towards the theory that his flames cause him discomfort. Sending the flames down through this prosthetic limb would probably divert some of the pain, and judging by the way the arm is seen to warp and swell up in size – more so than the swelling in the rest of his body – tells me that this is where he’s concentrating most of his Burnish power in an attempt to keep his body safe. Though, considering what happened to the rest of his body anyway, it looks to me as if his efforts are mostly in vain; more on that later.

However, there is an instance of him using his organic arm for his powers – while his prosthetic is busy treating Lio like a squeaky toy. The flames from his organic arm are actually the ones seen blasting through the freezing tech in his uniform, pictured further above. Once burnt through that protective, cold layer though, he visibly strains and almost flinches before sending his flames to attack Galo for a second time, like he’s bracing himself for the pain, and this is the only part of the film where we see him using his Burnish powers with his remaining arm.

Even before his Burnish reveal, it’s clear that his body is slowly gearing up to let it all out, the choice of sound design used for Kray straining against his Promare after Heris overloads the Prometech engine is absolutely terrifying and uncomfortable to listen to. But the situation is dire, and with Starship Parnassus’ engine destroyed, Kray might not even be in a clear enough state of mind to fully process the fact that it’s going to hurt. The fact that it takes him this long to consider letting loose and using what is clearly his last resort to get what he wants, just puts across how desperate a situation has to be before he even entertains the idea of using his Promare. The same can be said with how he reacted to Lio’s rampage on Promepolis, he was ready to resort to using his own powers then, only after all of the anti-Burnish technology on the outside of the Foresight Foundation building had failed to stop the fiery dragon.

At the risk of sounding like I’m siding with him – I can’t really blame him for going this far to suppress it all, if using his Promare is going to do… This to him.

I’ve made the argument before about how Lio’s “Kakusei” form and whatever happened to Kray differ in a few ways. Lio’s overall physique stays the same while he’s laying waste to Promepolis – despite the drastic change in colours and the ‘horns’ he grows. To me it looks as if he’s merely adopted the appearance of his Mad Burnish mech in an attempt to make himself look more threatening, though he uses his great, flaming dragon to deal out most of the destruction. Kray meanwhile looks as if he’s properly going through it, just to allow his Promare to burn, his skin takes on a strange, pink hue almost like that of a first degree burn, and the less said about those fangs he sprouts, the better. (Though Kakusei Lio also grew his own set of chompers.)

The dark circles around Kray’s eyes also don’t sit right with me – while they’re almost definitely just there as a design choice to make him look more threatening and more unhinged – I can’t help but think back to the fact that the Promare often manifests itself in humans by rocketing out of their eyes and mouths. If we are to assume that this is the first time Kray has properly used his flames since his initial awakening, it could be that – out of a desperation to burn after being denied that for so long – his Promare once again attempted to sync up with him properly, to perhaps start anew. But of course, it’s too little too late, as Kray’s pent up flames ultimately do their host more harm than good; blistering his flesh, singeing the skin around his eyes and causing his whole body to swell up to the point where his epaulettes buckle and the metal insignia on his left breast splits apart. Whether his constant suppression of his own Promare has lead to the fire corrupting in some way or not, is a topic I’m hoping to touch on in a little more detail in the near future; because a few things could theoretically happen when you keep fire simmering away without release for a long period of time, and none of them bode well for Kray.

And I could understand such over the top measures on Kray’s part; like the freezing tech in his uniform, if his Promare were completely out of control, or corrupted in some way. Lio, Gueira, Meis and the rest of the Burnish in the film all appear to have a degree of control over when and where they use their flames. The Promare want to burn hotter and brighter, the Burnish hear them and as a result they fulfil their wishes, but – far from simply spewing out fire all of the time – the Burnish decide when and where to use their flames, often calling upon them to aid them in battle. After seeing the film through multiple times and watching how most of the Burnish use their powers, I certainly wouldn’t call them “controlled by the Promare” as Kray describes it. There’s an understanding between a Burnish and their flames, there is – certainly in Lio’s case – a trust and almost a love, but if Kray’s awakening was so botched, it’s possible that he may not be able to hear the Promare as well as the rest of the Burnish, and therefore he might not actually know how to get it to stop.

From his big reveal right up until Lio and Galo go off to save the world (with love!) he’s burning constantly. His hair is ablaze, his prosthetic is repeatedly warped into various shapes and sizes with the heat of the flames, it’s around his eyes, it’s there simmering away beneath his skin, still resolutely kept cooped up by the remaining cooling tech in his uniform. The uniform that – despite the various scraps and fights he gets himself into – stays stubbornly and completely in tact throughout all of his time on screen, in tact and doggedly doing its job of keeping those devastating flames at bay, even when its wearer is actively using them. The Burnish themselves may not be controlled by the Promare – but to an extent – Kray just might be. It’s only after he’s brought back to reality with a bang that it finally stops, and when it does stop, the disgraced Governor is incredibly subdued. Once the Promare leave, we see a very, very different character to the one we’ve seen throughout the film, even his faux charm and charisma as the beloved authority figure is gone, everything about him in those final scenes is muted and dulled.

I will say that isn’t just him, the very last scenes of the film use a slightly less saturated colour palette for everyone, but Kray takes looking pitiful to a whole other level. Now a far cry from the bright, in your face colours he had just minutes before, at the very end of the film, he looks nothing short of drained. If you’ve ever seen the gorgeously animated ‘Firebird’ short from Disney’s ‘Fantasia’ you’ll probably know where I’m going with this, the animation there puts me in mind of what we’re seeing here; the man truly does look like he’s about to be swept away, carried off on the wind like ash. He’s burnt out, a Burnout Burnish who refused to let his flames burn – so they burnt him up instead – and whether there are other Burnish in the world who took resisting their powers to the same extremes as he did, I doubt we’ll ever know. Though there does certainly seem to be a link between a person’s mindset and how well they’re able to control their flames, and yes – Thyma could certainly be a candidate for this.

On a final note; as I write, I’m thinking back to something Professor Deus Prometh was quoted as saying right at the start of the film: “The oppression of the Burnish may lead to concurrent blazes worldwide.”

In other words, the longer you keep it down, the longer you resist, the longer the destruction will continue and the bigger and more serious the consequences will be. This is most likely in reference to the magma at the centre of the Earth slowly growing hotter in response to the oppression of the Burnish, but it can absolutely be applied to Kray’s Burnish awakening too. Perhaps if he had listened to the late Professor, things may have turned out a little better for him, he still would have become a burnish, yes, but his flames would’ve been untainted, perhaps he’d still have his arm, and perhaps he wouldn’t have come as totally undone as he did at the end of the film.

But, even with Trigger’s messy timeline, it’s safe to assume that Kray was a child when the Great World Blaze first swept across the earth, and when half of the population was wiped out. And as uncomfortable as this may be to acknowledge, it’s quite hard for me to imagine someone who witnessed that level of destruction at such a young age, being particularly happy about then being advised against resisting should they ever feel a Burnish spasm. That they should just give in to it, let it sync, let themselves become one with the Promare.

Let it burn.

#Promare #Kray Foresight #repost woop #I endgamed my wordpress bc it was costing me money but I do still love this theory #I may or may not have thought up an entire universe/backstory for kray pre-film & what promepolis was like way back when since writing this #but that's another story for another time idk #people hate this guy so I'm inclined to scream @ my twitter friends about it and have done with it!#enjoy and godspeed

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sexyzuka · 8 months

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A Fateful Encounter

Part Three - Dinner for Two

Pairing: Kiba Inuzuka x Reader

Word Count: 7k+

Content: 18+, fem!reader, werewolf!reader, animal death, graphic violence, blood, angst, mental health, self-harm ideation, pet names

Summary: Your flimsy façade of humanity crumbled the second Kiba saw you transform. There's a tacit understanding between you two, but it's a transitory, conditional truce held together by fraying threads of intrigue. Kiba agreed to keep your secret, but in return you have to keep your promise and go on a date with him. Since sneaking into Konoha again isn’t a viable option, you decide to surprise Kiba by offering to hunt down the tastiest dinner he’s ever had, and what's more luxurious than fresh venison? Tensions flare as you divulge details about your past that ignite Kiba’s ferocious jealous streak. Will you be able to keep your cool while also protecting your pack from the inevitable destructiveness that shadows humankind like a pernicious plague?

Writers Notes: Hey everyone! I took a small break from writing due to being at New York Comic Con this past weekend, but I’m back with another chapter. This time we find our dauntless heroine faced with yet another moral quandary. She has to decide if exposing her deepest secret and potentially sacrificing herself is worth it if it means her pack will be spared. I've included a very graphic and detailed description of the killing and butchering of a deer in this chapter, so as always please use your discretion choosing to interact with my work. The references to criminology and investigative techniques are based on practices in the United States, so readers from other countries might find discrepancies between the approaches Kiba uses versus the ones they may be acquainted with. I did a fair amount of research throughout the drafting process and really put my heart and soul into this chapter, so I hope you enjoy!

You can read the previous chapter here!

The oppressive, dry air around you keeps you on high alert. A lingering sense of uneasiness permeates every cell in your being. The only thing grounding you is the weight of your companion, his frail frame nestled in your arms.

What if he changes his mind and follows me to the den? I can't put my faith into someone I just met, let alone a human. I'm so stupid, I should have taken care of him when I had the chance. Nothing good ever comes from trusting them.

"Hey, big sis Izumi," a faint voice calls out to you. "This isn't the way we normally go back home. Weren't we supposed to turn left at that big boulder back there?"

You were so caught up in your own thoughts you carelessly missed the clandestine trail that took you to your clan's den. Somehow this was his fault too.

"You're right, Hana. Sorry, big sis is a little scatterbrained today. Let's backtrack a bit before continuing on our way," you sighed while inaudibly cursing profanities under your breath.

All. His. Fault.

After a small detour you made it to the secretive sanctuary you and your clan called home. It wasn't too fancy, just a regular rather mundane den maintained by you and the older wolves, but what made it a truly resplendent refuge in your eyes was the dearth of people in the nearby area. In fact, in the decades that your clan had lived in this area there were only a handful of unwanted visitors. Mostly hikers getting lost, and the occasional ninja passing through, too busy on their mission to give any extra thought to a pack of unassuming wildlife, but for the most part you lived a blissfully solitary life here.

And that's just how you liked it...is what you would normally think if your mind wasn't so cluttered with images of that dreadfully attractive man. What was his name again? Oh right, Kiba. Kiba Inuzuka.

You know, the ninken you'd chatted with on a run recently had nothing but praise for his clan. Most of them enjoyed belonging to their human partners, choosing to live that domestic life instead of embracing their divine right to be feral but free, unshackled by the weight of mankind. Couldn't be me, you thought to yourself. I belong to no one but myself.

Still, there was a nagging feeling brewing in the pit of your stomach. The electrical impulses stimulating your nervous system jolted an emotion that you hadn't felt in years, decades even. A voracious appetite that couldn't be quashed by the flesh of your clan's latest catch. No, the only prey that could quell this craving was patiently waiting for you, a brazen yet charming man who so naively trusted a woman who committed theft right in front of his face. How gullible can one person be?

Well, you thought to yourself while gently placing Kōtarō next to the other youths huddled together, sleeping peacefully, I guess I shouldn't keep my date waiting for me too long now, should I?

"Big sis is going to head out now, okay Hana?" You gave a nod to the young pup who was eagerly looking up at you with an expectant gaze. "Go get some sleep, you must be exhausted."

"Okay, big sis Izumi. See you at moonrise," the drowsy whelp yawned while unsteadily walking towards the rest of her snoozing pack.

One final goodbye to the clan's elder and you were off. You could scarcely contain the fervor that was growing inside of your belly. You should be fast asleep like the rest of your pack, it was the middle of the day after all, but with every step you took there was an accompanying vibration of pure, unadulterated energy that invigorated your very core.

How long has it been since you felt this way? How many years of self-imposed seclusion were you throwing away by giving into this desire? You did swear off talking to humans, after all.

But this feels different. He feels different, a facetious fib that would hurt no one but yourself if it turned out you were wrong. Because at the end of the day, the rest of your pack were just simple wolves. If this man turned out to have ill intent towards you, at the very least you would be the only lycanthrope in his crosshairs. You made a promise to yourself to never turn anyone else into the same affront to nature, the downright monstrosity, that you are.

And unless there's some underground werewolf fraternity I haven't found in this past century, it's safe to say that we won't be running into the freakshow Freemasons anytime soon.

You scoff at yourself as you pass the familiar boulder that denotes the halfway mark to your destination. After a quick exhale you double down your efforts, noticing that the sun is far past its apex in the sky. How long has it been since you left the man? Is he still there? Well, no use in doubting yourself now, you already committed to rendezvousing and you don't think he's the type who would appreciate being stood up.

It's not like I have a choice, you jeer at yourself, he saw me transform right in front of him. Even if I did get away today, he would just track me down. His outrageously keen sense of smell is definitely a big nuisance. I'm honestly surprised a human can even-

"Hello there, princess." The baritone intonations echoed throughout the forest, assaulting your eardrums with a barbed arrogance.

You were so lost in thought that even your astonishment was delayed. The world was buffering around you, the taunts not processing until you were practically face to face with the man. The sudden realization that your date would soon come to fruition causes you to lose your balance, and you trip over yourself. A rugged hand reaches down and grabs you before you become one with the earth.

"Wow, it looks like you just can't stop falling for me," a roaring laugh coinciding with the lighthearted mockery flitters around your body.

You would be angrier with him if he didn't just save you from unceremoniously landing on your face, so you decide, rather judiciously, to ignore that last comment.

The man helps you up to your feet, stifling a laugh by holding his other hand up to his mouth. Ah, so he's the type to laugh at his own lame ass jokes, you think to yourself while you brush off the dust that has accumulated over your cloak.

"Welcome back, princess," a glowing smile radiated from the man's face as he folded his arms across his chest, "You sure took your sweet time getting back here. I almost thought you stood me up."

"Well you know, we princesses are very busy women," you say while rolling your eyes and doing an exaggerated curtsy, "And the court jester is not high on the list of people we'd rush for." A complete lie. You were just trying to call his bluff by being cheeky in response. If his hearing was as good as his sense of smell he'd steal you instantly from the castle window you were precariously perched on.

"Ouch. Is that the faintest hint of sarcasm I'm detecting from you, princess?" He was betting on your inability to keep the façade up for much longer. Even you could smell the pheromones that you were unconsciously emitting, so not even Selene the Moon Goddess would be able to get you out of this one. It looks like the only thing to do now is up the ante and bank on getting a royal flush.

"My deepest and most sincere apologies, sir. Let me make it up to you by offering our special menu for this evening," you proclaim while holding out your hand after an exaggerated flourish.

"I'm listening." The man raises one eyebrow while keeping his arms crossed.

"May I interest you in the finest and freshest venison you've ever tasted in your entire life?" You ask with a deviously fiendish smirk, arm outstretched and beckoning.

"Venison?" He replied incredulously.

"Well, it's not like this forest just has a bunch of wild bulls roaming around. And since someone destroyed my changing room, I can't just mosey on back to Konoha for dinner." The thought of procuring dinner for the two of you ignited a primal urge that was welling up inside of you like a tsunami, a tumultuous tempest growing stronger by the second.

"It might not be that steak dinner you were hoping for, but this will be an experience of a lifetime. I promise. Wolf's honor."

Kiba could sense the excitement in your voice. And it's true, there was nothing that aroused your senses more than the thrill of the hunt and the very moment when your canines punctured the supple flesh of your unsuspecting prey.

"Alright, you know what? Sure," he acquiesced. "How can I say no to a face like that?"

That's all you needed to hear. With a quick nod and a seductive wink you responded, "Wait here, sugar. I'll be right back."

You'd already been listening for those unmistakable subtle murmurs, the heartbeats of your prey. 25 meters northeast. There it was. You instinctively transformed your hands into claws and sharpened your canines, the blistering pain heightening your senses even further.

A few more meters and it was in view, a delectable yet unsuspecting doe. You perched yourself in a nearby tree bough before inhaling slowly through your mouth. You could practically taste the umami in the air. You dug your claws partially into the tree bark, bracing yourself for the best part of any dinner, the kill.

You bellow a fierce growl as you jump down from the aging oak and delve into your target with an ardent vehemence. When your nails vigorously pierce the pliable frame, you're overcome by a sense of unadulterated euphoria. You can feel the life seep out of your victim and onto your claws, the red nectar painting your nails a gorgeous hue. A wave of exhilaration hits as you feel the young deer twitch and resist against you.

I'll never get tired of this, you think to yourself, a sinister smirk emerging on your face. After all, this is the closest I'll get to feeling alive again. After a few more seconds of riding this high you decide to put your prey out of its misery. With an impressive amount of force you ruthlessly chomp down on its jugular, the doe's body going limp almost instantaneously. You swear you could almost feel the deer's soul leaving its tattered vessel. The thought sends a merciless chill down your spine.

Guess I still got a little bit of humanity left in me after all of these years, you chide at yourself, who woulda guessed?

You hoisted the ragged body of your prey onto your back, supporting it with one of your claws while admiring the other. Damn this shade of red really is to die for, you chortled as you marveled at the splotchy tint covering your nails and most of your arm. Well, you think to yourself as you adjust the deer on your back to a more comfortable and secure position, I shouldn't keep him waiting much longer now, should I?

You were feeling especially giddy on the walk back, sauntering with a lithe stride and huge smile on your blood-spattered face. The ecstasy from earlier steadfastly persisting despite the flow of time, the lingering scent of your delicious meal keeping it from dissipating fully. As you grew closer to your meeting spot, though, the bliss was covertly being replaced with nagging twangs of anxiety. You remembered that there was an unfortunate drawback to dinner this evening, you'd have to be vulnerable with a human and share the strange details about your paradoxical existence that even you didn't fully understand.

"Back so soon, princess?" You heard a familiar voice ring out, cutting through the loitering anxiety with a dulcet effervescence.

"Do you need some help ther-

Oh gosh, you're covered in blood. Are you okay?" A confused yet profound weight clung onto his words.

"I'm more than okay," you smiled as you readjusted today's kill with one spry motion, "I'm practically giddy, you could say. Don't you think this shade of red is simply ravishing?"

You could see the look of horror on his face as you sauntered closer. And why wouldn't he be intimidated? It's not every day you see a young woman with the carcass of a mangled corpse slumped over her shoulders, shrouded in a sanguine veil.

"What's wrong? Wolf's got your tongue?" you chuckled as a self-assured smirk involuntarily took over your countenance.

"You're just so-" he appeared as though he was lost in thought, as if the words that described the monstrosity before him simply escaped from his mind's tenuous grasp.

"So what?" you had to stop yourself from giggling.

"So..." he put his hand up to his face, covering it partially, "so freakin' hot when you're all covered in blood like that. Sorry, I need a minute."

Did he just say "hot?" So he's not terrified of the anomalous atrocity standing before him? That was a new one. Usually anyone who witnessed you in this state would have already ran for their lives. But I guess he's just too cocky, or maybe too dumb to realize just who, or rather what he asked out on a dinner date. You know, you think to yourself, I didn't expect our "date" to make it this far. By now most men are long gone, and I'd be enjoying this feast in my solitude. But this idiot is still here, which means I really do have to tell him the truth, don't I?

An extended silence filled the stale air with an insidious touch of peril that grew ever stronger with each passing second. The corpse on your back began to stiffen, rigor mortis setting in with an uncaring indifference to your conundrum.

"Did you," his voice trails off, breaking the silence briefly before the quiet takes hold once again.

"Did I?" you manage to jabber, your pulse quickening as the anticipation stimulates your nervous system.

"Did you really kill that deer for me? A whole deer just for me? Wow, I can't believe you had me speechless for a minute there. Me? Of all people?" he blabbered as he put one of his hands behind his head, his head shaking ever so slightly from the incredulity of this entire situation.

"Not just for you," you retort in a shaky voice. There he goes again with that unmistakable haughtiness in his tone. Your trepidation turns into irritation as you regain control over your psyche once more. "There's no way you'd be able to eat all of this anyways."

"You wanna bet?" a smug grin was beginning to form on his face.

"Sure," you acquiesce while shrugging," If you can't eat every last bite then you leave the forest and never come back," you proposition, calling his bluff with an equal level of impudence.

"Hey now, that wasn't the plan. You promised me a dinner date, and we're going to have a date, princess," he declared as he crossed his arms, keeping full eye contact with you the entire time. "Or do I have to detain you and bring you back to the station for questioning? There's probable cause that illegal hunting was-"

"T-that won't be necessary," you bite your tongue a little as you stutter out the words.

"Good girl, that's what I like to hear." His expression lightened as he beamed a radiant smile in your direction. "But before we begin the festivities, I need you to answer one thing for me."

Goodbye sweet solitude, it was nice knowing you. Well, it's better to just get it over with and break the bone fully so that the fractured splinters of my existence can be set properly. The first step to recovery is acknowledging that I fucked up royally, and there's no denying that.

"You're a-" he began, but was cut off by your curt response before he could utter the repugnant word.

"A werewolf, yes."

"So, you're not denying it?" his tone was an octave higher than usual, spurred on by his astonishment.

"It can't be helped. You saw me transform. More than once. Even a monster knows when it's checkmate," you sigh as you lower your prey to the ground, placing the pallid body gingerly on the dry earth. "Tsumi," you say as you slowly rise back up, eyes closed and hands out with your palms up. "Even a golden general is still just a pawn once that thin veneer is washed away."

"What are you doing?" You hear a voice drawing closer to your body, heavy footsteps crunching the mid-autumn leaves.

"Are you really going to make me say it?" you exclaim with your eyes still shut tightly, holding back a few tears so desperately trying to make their escape.

"Listen, princess, I-"

"If you're going to arrest me just do it already!" you screech, using all of your might to hold back the onslaught of tears on the cusp of breaching the barricade of your eyelids. "Just please don't go after my pack! You can do whatever you want with me, all I ask is that you spare them."

"Who said anything about arresting you?"

"You did," you sniffled, looking up at the man with a few meandering teardrops clouding your vision slightly, "multiple times."

"Me? Arrest you? Never," he reached out to brush a few strands of your hair away from your eyes. "I really don't like making girls cry, it makes me feel like a total jackass," he said as he tried to hold your gaze in vain. It was impossible for you to maintain eye contact with him, your sense of self-loathing at what you had become weighed you down with an insurmountable amount of pressure.

"But isn't it your job to lock away monsters like me?" you whimpered while averting your eyes from the man.

"I could never detain a girl as pretty as you, unless it's for house arrest."

"I don't have a house," you respond flatly, cautiously glancing up to meet the man's surprisingly jovial disposition.

"Who said anything about your house? I have a pad too," Kiba said while puffing out his chest and pointing to himself, "It might not be that big since Kōtarō has been extra stingy with this year's raise, but all we need is one bedroom, right?"

This man. This cheeky ass bastard. He did just see you transform, right? And yet he chooses to hit on you relentlessly. He's either unbelievably fearless or he has a death wish. Either way, you can't help but admire his audacity. The sheer absurdity of his responses to you dispels your apprehension and you begin to chuckle.

"What's so funny?" Kiba furrows his brow as he places one hand on his chin.

"You," it was incredibly hard for you to suppress your laughter long enough to continue your jive, "You seriously just invited me into your house. Me? The werewolf. The queen of abominations herself?"

"I said what I said," he countered with a sour expression.

"Sorry, I just," you take a second to inhale, regaining the breath you lost to the overwhelming humor of the situation, "I don't think I've met a human this crazy since Hidan."

"Wait, Hidan?" Kiba's countenance changed instantaneously as soon as the words left your bloodied lips.

"Yeah, you know him or something?" you shrugged with a detached tone in your voice.

"Know him?" You could feel the palpable indignation, festering with a sharp ferocity, "he killed my sensei's lover."

"Ouch. Yeah, he does tend to do that," you realize that you may have made a fatal mistake by bringing up Hidan's name.

"Wait, how do you know him??" The look of disgust evident on Kiba's face pierced through the remnants of your frail barricade.

"Oh well, once upon a time we may have had... a fling or two." You resigned yourself to the fact that you'd divulged too much and there was no turning back.

"A fling? Wait, aren't you a little too young for that? You don't look a day over twenty five."

"Aww, you really know how to flatter a gal. Try adding a century to that, and you'll be a bit closer to my actual age." There's no use in lying now, if he can handle that I'm a monster, then what's the harm in sharing this with him too?

"A... century?" The question was more for himself than for you. It seemed like he was performing calculus, the numbers dancing in his imagination like infernal reminders of the circumstance he found himself in. Steadfastly approaching the limit to infinity, but never quite reaching the apex of the function.

"So you're... 125 years old?" It looks like he was finally ready to submit his self-imposed mathematics assignment, but the answer key was obscured by the enigma of your presence.

"Give or take a few years. Birthdays aren't as magical after you hit one hundred, a painful reminder more than anything else, if I'm being honest." Your eyes lost their lustre as you reminisced about the kin you'd lost over the years, those who would never again be there to celebrate with you. "Heh, well not like I'd expect you to understand."

"But you're telling me Hidan does understand?"

Jeez, was he seriously still on that? It was just a silly little affair, a trite nonissue really. Damn, he must really hate Hidan, you think to yourself. Maybe you could use his jealousy to your advantage though, if you play your cards right.

"Wellll," you draw out the word with a long, purposeful drawl.

"Well?" Kiba scoffs, mimicking your tone.

After a minute of silence you retort with, "It's not like there's tons of immortals I can pick and choose from, unless there's an underground society of sickos I never got the invite to. Maybe it's nice to connect with someone who shares the same life experiences once in a while," you say as you look off into the distance, unearthing the buried memories you'd kept tucked away for years.

"Life experiences? And what exactly are these so-called 'experiences'? Does homicide count?"

"Hey, that was one time, and he upskirted me first," you smirk as you hold out an index finger for emphasis. Unbeknownst to you, your head shakes involuntarily as you utter those words.

You were met with a revulsive glance that was all too familiar. Good, maybe he'll stay away from me now. He doesn't need to know you stretched the truth a bit. The reality is that you'd sworn off unnecessary interaction with humans for decades now because you didn't want to hurt them. The only reason you let yourself become close with Hidan was because of his immortality.

"You're lying," Kiba candidly declares as he shoots a disapproving look in your direction.

"W-what makes you think that?" you ask as you take one of your hands and mindlessly stroke the front of your neck.

"Actions speak louder than words, princess. You can barely maintain eye contact, there were unnaturally long pauses between your responses, and not to mention you're stimulating your vagus nerve right now, whether you're aware of it or not," Kiba proclaimed as a smug expression returned to his face. "C'mon now, you didn't think you'd be able to fool me that easily? Even a rookie would be able to recognize the contradictions in your statements."

You bite your lip hard in response to those pointed accusations. It looks like you'd have to approach this from another angle.

"I plead the fifth," you say as you raise your hands in concession, "You win this time, officer. But before we continue this little chat of ours, why don't we start dinner preparations before it gets too late?" The limp body of your fallen prey had been nestled next to you this whole time, but its presence was overshadowed by the gravity of the conundrum you found yourself in.

"Okay," Kiba said, humoring your feeble attempt to change the conversation, "but I'm not leaving until I'm fully satisfied."

"You won't have to worry about that. I'll definitely satiate my honored guest's hunger," you said with a slight bow, hand partially outstretched.

"Heh, I look forward to it with bated breath." You could hear the pace of Kiba's heartbeat intensify ever so slightly when those words escaped his lips.

"So, do you need help butchering the-"

"I got it," you flatly interject. You shifted your focus from the man to the carcass of your delectably succulent spoils.

"Wow, so I get dinner and a show? Color me impressed." The candor with which Kiba responded tickled your fancy.

Oh, I'll give you a show, alright.

After a terse nod you cracked your neck and knuckles with an intense vehemence. You fish in your satchel for the gambrel and rope you'd prepared beforehand. One deft toss later, your rope is securely fastened onto a sturdy bough and all ready for you to hoist up your catch. As you walk towards the corpse you instinctively sharpen your claws and grab onto the body with a fervid vigor. After a few seconds and one big heave later, the object commanding your full attention beckons for your inner beast with an arousing aura.

You intuitively glide your razor-sharp nails through the layers of flesh, separating the skin from the muscle with an effortless prowess. You carefully and neatly place the deer's hide on the ground next to you before returning to work. A deafening crack assaulted Kiba's eardrums as you forcibly placed enough pressure on the doe's neck to sever its head. Another few merciless swipes from your sanguine claws and a harsh thud from the deer's front legs falling to the ground, accompanying the cacophonous melody of murder. The first part of your dinner preparations were now complete.

You flash Kiba a mischievous smile before refocusing on the task at hand, at claw, rather. You work your talons parallel to the deer's rib cage, passing through the shoulder joint with a terrifying expertise. You then spend a few minutes shaving off the excess fat before sinking your claws into the area just under the hip bone, slicing from there to the doe's back bone with an effortless, fluid motion. You run your nails down and along the back bone of your catch while making a concerted effort to not leave any morsels behind. With one more callous swat of your claws the delicious flesh is freed from its ligamentary penitentiary.

You return your focus to the deer's neck, and with a cruel indifference you meticulously tore the meat off of the bone with aplomb. A few more slices to the rib cage and your pile of gamey goodness grew substantially. It was almost time for the grand finale. Another savage snap emitted yet another barbaric rasp into the air, catching your company off guard, as evidenced by the disquieted winces you could see in the peripherals of your vision. With more than half of your prey fully dissected, it was now time to redirect your attention to the deer's hind quarters. You begin by puncturing the sinews near the knee and slice parallel with the leg bone, reaching the hip within mere seconds. After rotating your hand a few degrees, you effortlessly extract the most dazzling sirloin tips.

Damn, I'm good at this.

With a rapturous chortle you flash Kiba the most self indulgent grin. He was nothing but a hapless buck caught in the blinding light of your exhilarating, intoxicating yet oh so ephemeral exuberance. The squelching sound of the doe's innards as you inserted your nails just under the achilles tendon and pressed in with an inhuman apathy resonated throughout the surrounding area, a cautionary warning to all of the forest's inhabitants. As you unshackle the rest of the meat from the hind legs you look up once more at your dinner date. The countenance that greeted you could only be described by one word, awe. Pure, unadulterated awe.

You pick up the slabs of shoulder meat and begin to diligently clean it with your claws. Trimming the excess fat was always the most laborious part of your meal prep, but perhaps having the company of someone else today was an adequate remedy for the tedium. Once you sufficiently spruce up a generous portion of the meat, you offer a hefty chunk of it to your companion. You're greeted with a look of confusion that reminds you of your grotesque nature once more.

"Oh yeah, humans don't eat raw meat," you mull as you're overcome by a fit of hysterics. The dichotomy of your two very different existences was too much for your brain to process right now.

"Is that a challenge, princess? If it's good enough for you, it sure as hell is good enough for me," Kiba responded while puffing out his chest with an air of arrogance.

"I'd rather our date be here and not in a hospital room," you respond while trying to suppress the laughter, a tenuous attempt at regaining your composure. "C'mon, let's start a fire and you can taste a bit of my cooking. I might not be that great of a chef, but the ingredients will be the freshest you've ever had."

"Well, when you put it that way, how can I possibly refuse?" You could see a wave of relief wash over Kiba's face. It turns out he wasn't the only one who could sniff out someone's deceit. "Next time, though, I'll definitely have it raw."

"Of course you will." Wait, next time? Did he just insinuate that this wasn't going to be a one and done affair? Haven't you frightened him enough for one day? Talk about a real glutton for punishment.

"Alright, I need to clean up over here, so if you'd gather some firewood that'd be much appreciated." You leisurely walk towards the gambrel and unhook it from the tree's bough.

"Damn, so no special fire jutsu that will flambé us up some dinner in a flash?" You could sense a budding ripple of disappointment circulate the air around Kiba.

"No special tricks or theatrics here. What you see is what you get."

"You're not holding out on me again, are you, princess?" Kiba was almost whimpering at this point, just like a pup who lost his favourite ball in the river.

"No. I'm not," you respond flatly, an unenthusiastic expression overtaking your face. "Now go get that firewood. And s-stop calling me your princess." At this point you begin to feel the warmth build up in your cheeks, an untimely and unfortunate betrayal by your sympathetic nervous system.

"Was that the slightest bit of hesitation in your voice, princess?" You didn't even have to look over to see Kiba's expression because you could feel the omnipresence of his self-satisfied simper.

"Just go already!" you exclaim while trying to hide your face.

"Alright, princess. I'll be back soon. Don't miss me too much, okay?" You could hear his cocky guffaws as he walked off into the depths of the forest.

Jeez, talk about confidence. Does he have no sense of shame? If only I could be half as self-assured as he was, you ponder to yourself while cleaning up the makeshift slaughterhouse around you. You partitioned out a few chunks of venison for tonight's dinner. I wonder how much he'll want to eat? Wait, why do I care about what he wants? He should be grateful he gets any of this, of my kill.

You find yourself on autopilot as you amble about the nearby area, tidying up the trimmings caught in the thickets and the entrails splattered on the rocks. You weren't sure how much time had passed since you began clearing the area, but you were certain that it must have been a rather lengthy period since the cool veil of twilight now gently embraced your surroundings.

Hm. Maybe he did give up and hightail it out of here. I guess that means I'm free to head back-

"Heyyy!" The shrill baritone interrupts your thoughts. "Sorry it took me a while, princess." You could hear that Kiba was breathing heavier than normal as he drew closer to your meeting spot.

"Oh, you're back," you hesitantly mutter.

"Hey, is that anyway to greet a guy who brought you this?" Kiba confidently stretches his arm out, opening up his clenched hand to reveal a lighter.

"I don't smoke," you respond with a perplexed expression, baffled by his rather dubious choice of a peace offering.

"It's not for lighting cigarettes, silly. It's for the fire."

"The fire?" Oh no, don't tell me he-

"Yeah, remember how you said you can't use fire jutsu? Well neither can I, so I thought this would come in handy!" Kiba had the biggest, most dopey yet smug grin on his face. It almost made you feel guilty that the deer wasn't the only thing that would be roasted tonight.

He doesn't know how to light a fire. One of the top investigators for the Konoha Military Police Force can't light a simple campfire.

You stifle the urge to break out into hysterics over this new information you were now privy to. "I know how to light a fire. That's one of the most basic skills anyone could have."

Kiba's face became instantaneously flushed as he scrambles to hide the lighter in his back pocket. "Y-yeah well, I was just trying to make your life a bit easier. That's all. Jeez, it's not like I assumed you were a helpless damsel in distre-"

"You know what would make my life easier right now?" you interject before he can finish his ramblings.

"What?"

"If you sit down, keep quiet, and just let me handle dinner. You did bring the firewood, right?" You asked as you peered over at his suspiciously empty hands.

"O-of course I did! Who do you think I am? Kiba Inuzuka always completes his missions... when he's not busy on a more important mission, that is." You could hear the confidence dissipate from his voice with every word he spoke.

"You completely forgot, didn't you?"

"Well, you see. I uh-"

You let out a weary, heavy sigh as you beckon for him to come closer. "Lucky for you, since I had so much extra time just waiting for my dinner date's return, I was able to grab more than enough branches for us."

"See? All part of my plan!" He began to nervously chuckle as you put your hand on his shoulder and guided him to the impromptu campsite you had prepared in his absence.

As you make your way to the clearing, the wafting mid-autumn breeze tousles the strands of your hair with a cool yet affectionate caress. It was closer to dusk now, and the stars shining above you began to solemnly dance in the night sky with a poignant melancholy. Every step closer that you take brings with it a feeling of profound grief, an emotion spurred on by the uncanny familiarity of the situation you now find yourself in. This reminds me so much of when I first met him, you think to yourself as you take those final strides to the campsite, your company following closely by your side.

You silently take a seat on some rocks next to the campfire. Since you had ample time to make preparations while Kiba was gone, all of the supplies you needed for a scrumptious dinner were laid out in front of you both.

"Wow, you really know how to treat a guy!" Kiba blurts out with a boisterous, howling laugh. "Seriously, you set all of this up just for me?"

"I told you, I always pay back my debts in spades," you couldn't bring yourself to look at Kiba right now. The haunting grip of your past restricted your movement, shackling and confining you in an inescapable and ruthless prison of recollections.

"And pay me back you shall," Kiba chimes in while reaching over you to grab two pieces of venison, tenderly placing one in your hand. "So why don't we start with an easy question?"

I guess it's better to just get it over with. The sooner we're done here, the sooner I can make my way back home. You take a voracious bite out of the chunk of venison and swallow harshly with an audible gulp. You then muster up enough willpower to look in Kiba's direction.

Geez, why does he always have to be smiling like such an idiot? What's there to smile about, anyways? This has been an absolutely awfu-

"This has been an absolutely wonderful day, princess." His words cut through your thoughts like a honed katana. "I don't think I've had this much excitement in years. You sure do know how to keep a guy on his toes. I would say that this has to be one of the best days I've ever had, but..."

And here it comes. You could already feel the frigid metal clasps around your wrists, tightening with an unyielding force. The freedom you worked so tirelessly to achieve would now be gone in an instant.

"...why did you have to ruin the mood by mentioning another guy's name?"

"Huh?" The shock from his last statement left you paralyzed in a stupor of astonishment.

"Don't you 'huh?' me. I know you know what or rather who I'm talking about."

Oh. Hidan. He's talking about Hidan. Damn, he's really taking this whole situation out of proportion.

"You're seriously still thinking about Hidan?" When Hidan's name escapes your lips your voice goes up an octave.

"I don't know, are you still thinking about him?" Kiba retorts with a snarky reproach.

"It was a fling. A simple hookup, nothing more."

"You said there were multiple flings earlier."

Goddamn, you can't deny the fact that Kiba's attention to detail when it comes to recalling your past statements is extraordinary. If you wanted to get this conversation moving in the right direction you'd have to reluctantly swallow your pride once more.

"Okay, yes. We hooked up a few times throughout the course of my... alt phase."

"Alt... phase?"

"Y'know, like, dressing in alternative fashion and listening to grunge? Jeez, I'm kind of embarrassed thinking about how I used to be back then." You look off to the side while fidgeting with the remains of the hunk of meat in your palm. "I was just angry at everything and tired of the world. He was there to satisfy that weird craving I had to self-harm and..."

Kiba's expression changed as soon as he heard those last few words you spoke. Even he must have felt the profound sadness and despair that clung to your morose disclosure.

"Let's forget about him, okay? I think it's safe to say you'll never see him again." Kiba's voice had a softness to it now that soothed your frayed nerves.

"Wow, such confidence in your voice. Do you know something I don't?" Your curiosity was piqued, and you couldn't help but ask for confirmation.

"He's as good as dead." Kiba nodded with an assurance that was difficult to question.

"As good as dead? Are we talking about the same person?" Your eyes widen as you process that last statement.

"One of my old classmates dismembered him. But honestly? If I knew he was going to hit on you, I would have done the job myself." Kiba cracked his neck as he snarled out those last few words.

"Hidan... is dismembered?" You start chuckling to yourself as you imagine what he must look like right now, "Why, that's the funniest thing I've heard all year, all century even!"

You took a moment to regain your composure before you continued, "I always thought that one day his excessive confidence would lead to his downfall. Thank you for sharing that with me."

"Hey, princess. As much as I like to laugh with you about your pathetic ex, I think it'd be better if we just enjoyed the rest of tonight without worrying about stuff like that." Kiba placed one arm around your shoulder while inching himself closer to you. "Tonight it's just you, me, and the stars."

"You know what? I think that's actually a splendid idea." You let out a hushed sigh of relief as he cuddled closer to you.

Just this once, you think to yourself, for just one night maybe it wouldn't be so bad to let a human in.

"I do have one final question, though, before we move onto the main course." Kiba delicately placed his hand under your chin, lifting up your face so that you had no choice but to look in his glistening eyes.

"And what, pray tell, would that be?" you eloquently inquire with a quick and slightly exaggerated flourish of your hands.

"Are you really over 100 years old?"

"Heh, but of course." You couldn't help but answer in a sultry manner, flashing your fangs at the end of your statement, restraining yourself from biting into his neck.

You could see Kiba gesturing, doing a little victory pose as he uttered those next words, "Score. I love me a fine cougar, erm I mean wolf."

Gosh, he's so dumb. So dumb yet so clever at the same time, especially when it came to him sussing out the truth from you. The crass sense of humor emanating from this man only enhanced his inexplicable charm. It had been a long time, a very long time since you felt like this.

"You better watch out. I heard the big bad wolf has a way of eating out the hearts of unsuspecting travelers 'round these parts. Especially on full moons like tonight." The luminescent reflection of the moon bounced off of Kiba's eyes as you stared into them.

"I guess it's a good thing someone already has my heart under lock and key."

Just this one night. I'll allow myself to let go, one night can't hurt. Can it?

----- TO BE CONTINUED -----

#kiba inuzuka x reader #kiba inuzuka #kiba x reader #boruto #naruto #naruto fanfic #boruto fanfic #naruto fanfiction #boruto fanfiction #werewolf #werewolf au #werewolf oc #naruto x you #x reader #x you #my fanfiction #max writes #tw: graphic depictions of violence and death #tw: mental health

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eternalflashh · 24 days

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thoughts slash word vomit about sparkle // hsr 2.2 spoilers

i do overthink, but i genuinely keep wondering there's more to sparkle's role in the penacony arc (cf. her character, although there being more to her role would have to correlate to there being more to her character/personal motivations).

in all fairness i am all for her simply being a menace and looking for chaos, as aha themself seems to operate, and having no other ulterior motive; though it would be unconventional, it would be very true to her character were she to simply be "meaningless" in her role in this arc, aka a red herring—there only to incite suspicion when there was no harm, only fun, to begin with. it would be in line with her beliefs; it would be like sampo in belobog, not worth much with respect to the story and motives not so clear to the end. and i could get by that reality, because it does reflect her identity as a masked fool.

maybe it's really just because i'm used to conventional narratives that i find it hard to believe she has no other role than to be a little silly. "no useless characters", and whatnot.

to be fair, it's not like i think she might have a secret motive because "she's secretly kind and just wants everyone to be happy". she's terrible and immoral and that is what makes her a good villain (to me, if to no one else); she doesn't show sympathy towards "death" (although, maybe she's always known the truth? wouldn't be out of the question), nor is she hesitant in mocking people for their grievances, even race.

that doesn't mean she doesn't have a philosophy, though, and it's that philosophy that begets actions. thus far, too, it's clear she does have reason and ambition—she is far from the "meaningless" masked fools are often described in. we know she's passionate about acting and amusement. she also talks about working "behind the scenes", even mentions that her reason for being there has to be aligned with aha's reasons for sending her. laughter and amusement is not nihilism. as for what she'd do to get that Laughter?

data bank and SU index say that the elation would do anything, often invoking chaos or massive change, to bring joy and laughter to the world. in which case, the actions she is doing must revolve around making a huge change. yet she has done so little—of what we can see, anyway; she pushes us into the real dreamscape, yes, and she's been suggesting things to aventurine. was this her simple role, to be the imperceptible catalyst to change and destruction? then why does she keep appearing, still, with these mutually assured destruction buttons, when we hardly see them used either? or are they used, but we just did not see them? is her role in this arc, too, going to be something purely behind-the-scenes, something we'd never come to witness?

and then, on the deeper note: is the amusement watching the dream collapse, or is it something more inherent than that, more "noble", per se—like, say, spreading true elation? this may sound quite ironic considering people seem to be happy in the dreamscape, yet sparkle's going about revealing unhappy truths hidden in the dreamscape. but perhaps, does she believe true joy can only be obtained beyond the confines of a dream—in life?

it's a reach, i admit. but something else has been mildly bothering me that has led me to entertain this idea: sparkle's powers emanate from the Harmony. first i only thought it mildly interesting because penacony is governed by the family, and it was a nice coincidence. but in the 2.2 mission we got a new path for our trailblazer, after confronting sunday's ideals and being glanced upon by none other than xipe themselves. the power of paths said to be based on recognition, so it would imply that xipe recognized sparkle's beliefs— that it resonated with harmony. which i initially thought ironic, because followers of the elation typically are characterized by chaos.

but whereas chaos is the antithesis of order, it is not so the antithesis of harmony per se; in fact, you could interpret harmony as peaceful coexistence of differences (whereas, like sunday's ideals, order seems to be concerned with everyone believing in one structure, following Laws, rather than freedom amongst difference.) i'd think sparkle, too, respects that people live varying different lives (a thousand faces, etc); that she wouldn't want humanity's free will to be taken away, because it is against true Elation as she defines it. again, all conjecture, little evidence, just food for thought.

tl;dr: it bothers me— what she's really been doing (if she's doing anything substantial for the plot), the why's, what she really believes in... why she knows so much, says less than she can, why she keeps appearing (especially in this patch) with seemingly little reason.

and also: in the cutscene with a bunch of them, sparkle was lying down on the ground. WHY

i also wonder what the answer is if you'd chosen the fact about sparkle when we're unveiling that the first "ending" was a dream. whether it would tell you that's the flaw. because i chose the misha one and it immediately said that's the flaw. so i can't tell if there's only one right option or all of them would be correct. i'll search it up eventually! i'm Too Curious!

can't believe now i have to wait six weeks for another update that mAY NOT ANSWER MY QUESTIONS i genuinely hate this game.

#rambelles #honkai star rail #honkai star rail 2.2 spoilers #spoilers #sparkle #this thought train led me down a philosophical hole somehow #sparkle. the silly girl. made me Ponder Philosophy #in all fairness the mission was itself philosophical #meaning of life and all that #sparkle is still to me a true mystery #and i like that about her okay!!!!#obsessed #also can you tell i'm obsessed with the aeons #and the paths #and lore in general #thank you have a nice day

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bisexualvampires · 2 years

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dean and cas are too quick to fight to never have bumps in the road even after they get together. how do you think they reconnect after they've fought?

i think they get real petty and slutty about their fights. dean sulks like a teenager: laying in bed with his headphones on too loud just to be self destructive, eating pizza and leaving crumbs all over their mattress knowing exactly how much it’ll grate on cas’ nerves — anything to get cas to break and talk first. cas however starts walking around with his shirt sleeves rolled up, groaning a little too enthusiastically with each sip of coffee, bending over in his tight pants right in front of dean, knowing he’ll fall for it every time (and he does).

but it rarely takes more than even the most casual mark of intimacy for them to remember how long they had to go without, and realise they’re being stupid. sometimes it’s a note slipped into the other’s pocket, dean fixing up cas’ car, cas putting on dean’s favourite record. any small gesture to say “i’m pissed but i’m still crazy about you.” when it’s real bad, it’s nothing a little angry sex can’t fix. they’re still disasters at communicating at the best of times but something about the intimacy of afterward always gets them both to fess up and forgive. (might have solved a 12 years worth of shit tbh)

all that to say i do think that even before they make up, they still orbit each other like the universe would tear apart if they strayed too far. they can be on each other’s last nerve, neither having spoken a word in hours, but they’re still holding hands in the grocery store

#you always have the best questions <3 #thank you kath!!#💋#Kath tag

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tumblingxelian · 2 years

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RWBY Analysis brain is active. Must use now before I get distracted.

I think what's more interesting about the nature of Ozpin and his Ozluminati is not that they're just failed versions of their Oz allegories, but that they're Oz allegories who are basically what would happen if the party had gotten the false gifts of Oz without going through any significant personal growth.

A large part of the original Wizard of Oz emphasized that the party always embodied or had what they needed to succeed and be the best of themselves, but they needed to develop as people in order to truly recognize that. It was only after this period of growth that they find out that Oz was a fraud, but while his placebo gifts were just that, they still had the self-confidence and understanding from their experiences to accept that they had the qualities needed all along to be great.

In RWBY however, Ozpin deliberately searched out for his Oz counterparts in order to give himself personal strike teams and fellow conspirators within each of the kingdoms, usually through pushing up people he chose into positions of power, overlooking their flaws and sweeping their mistakes under the rug.

However, in doing so, while it might have gotten him the agents he needed, in regards to the parallels to the Wizard of Oz, it also ended up basically stunting the growth of the characters because he basically gave them the equivalent of Oz's placebo gifts without them ever developing the experience and core traits needed to stand without them.

Lionheart was noted to be a courageous man at one point, but due to the implications of him being a Faunus in the middle of a highly racist country of Mistral, possibly combined with the knowledge of Salem's destructive power, his false courage provided by Ozpin would have flagged and faltered, and Ozpin not really providing any significant support (tellingly, Lionheart is the only Headmaster without an aide or support) would have only exacerbated this. The Lion having the support of his friends and his own innate courage buried deep down helped him grow past his insecurities, while the lack of either ultimately led Lionheart down a dark path.

Ironwood is implied through what happened with RWBY and CFVY to have been favored by Oz, basically pushing him up the ranks at a much faster rate than he likely would have otherwise, overlooking his flaws and probably his past mistakes, and eventually leading him to become the ruler of Atlas in many aspects, much like how his counterpart in the OG story became leader of the Winkies after his journey.

However, Ironwood's ascent made him spoiled and unable to really self-assess himself properly, while Atlas' culture made him cold-hearted and easily prone to callous disregard of his subjects, while the Tin Woodman's journey showed the deeply loving heart that he still possessed, and helped him grow as a person to become a kind and just ruler. And when Ozpin's support disappeared, Ironwood in essence lost his placebo and became even more cruel and blind to his own flaws.

Qrow's an interesting case because he's not lacking in intelligence, so much as he puts his worth and intelligence on his loyalty to Ozpin, effectively his placebo. This probably stems from the fact that he had prior experience as a bandit, and he's not as dependent on the placebo as the others are. That said, the fact that his emotional worth is dependent on Oz's approval of him meant that when Oz's deceit was revealed, it basically tore down part of his foundation and left him struggling with something that he had never truly needed to face. The only reason why things didn't get any worse for him is because he wasn't entirely dependent on it like the other Oz-parallels so far, having arguably had to be closer to the true danger and having to experience much of the journey like Team Remnant due to being a spymaster somewhat mitigated the harm caused by Oz's false gifts.

And that's really the crux of it: The experiences that Team Remnant go through is their saving grace, because it mirrors Dorothy's journey through Oz, the trials they went through that allowed them to fully understand their own inner strength and overcome their flaws. Ozpin's favor, his placebo gifts, ultimately stunted the people he gave it to because he denied them of the valuable experiences that would have allowed them to overcome the problems they faced in the story. And I think it's likely that if RWBY had not gone on the journey, if they had stayed at Beacon un-attacked...they very well might have ended up only as yet another version of that problem. Just like team STRQ. Just like the Ozluminati.

Oooh fun!

OwO. this sounds very interesting and like there will be some deep meta cuts!

That is an excellent summary as to the themes of Oz and how the plot went. Though cos of RWBY & my brain I am not remembering Futurama "Who needs courage when you have a gun."

Yeah that is quite a solid take, though I would note that with Ironwood at least, it seems he was kind of foisted on them, or so I hear, that might have just been a theory.

Mhm, that's a good comparison/contrast of insight there!

OK this is excellent and I honestly want to use it as a script for a vide, can I do that?

I was not aware the Tin Woodsman became a leader!?!? Neat!

Oooh losing his placebo, I like it and it fits with how Ironwood was both invested in Ozpin deeply but also not impacted by hi at all in reality.

I think thematically its more that he ignored his own intellgience and et Ozpin do his thinking for him, Raven thought to question Ozpin, Qrow refused to even consider it till a sword was in his face. But I also really like your spin, kudos there!

Excellent conclusion this is marvelous!

#RWBY #Insightful!#Ask

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tresmontesentertainment · 2 years

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(So fair warning; I don't know just how spoilery this might count as, but if you've been avoiding information on Sonic Frontiers like I've been, you might want to carry along and ignore this. Or, if you're the sort who cares nothing for spoilers like I usually am, come on in! I barely know anything about the game to begin with!)

So for all together no reason, I decided to try and keep my exposure to Sonic Frontiers coverage close to zero as possible. While I've mostly been able to keep at it, I've still happened to stumble upon a few nuggets of information despite myself, learning a bit about who Sage is, the fact that Sonic's first open world outing will come with a dash of hostage situation, and that the poor boy's going to catch a bad case of demon arm along the way. As is my wont, I've been compelled to ponder, so here's a few quick musings.

- Given how concerted of an effort SEGA's made to render Infinite person non grata, I have to wonder how deliberate a decision it's been to invoke his... "memory" lets call it, given what Sage has going on. From the power she seems to wield, to the killer robots she pals around with, to just the general aesthetic associated with her, it's basically impossible for Infinite not to come to mind. For the moment, I think I'll put my money on this mainly being an attempt to refurbish Infinite's general concept. For what it's worth, I do think it'd be a bit of a shame if this did turn out to just be them putting the guy out to pasture for real, though I will confess that's mainly from the same "think of the potential!" mindset I effectively founded this blog upon.

- Speaking of Sage, I'm taking it as a sign that my attempts to keep my diet spoiler-free for a change are paying off, because I don't really know what to make of her! All things being equal, I feel pretty safe in assuming she's an AI of some variety, but I've also got this idea of Sage being some kind of techno wizard buzzing around in my headspace, predicated chiefly on the notion that Game Universe Sonic hasn't really had that kind of character before, and I think that'd be cool.

One theory I like quite a bit, put forth by the ever charming Chaomix and really the entire reason I know anything about Sage at all, asserts the idea of Frontiers having a fair number of parallels with Shadow of the Colossus. I'd definitely recommend his video discussing it if you've got the time, but the spark note go thusly: Sonic doing his thing to save his friends in this strange new land will end up awakening the resident ancient evil, with the mysterious voice guiding him along being that of the ancient evil, equivalent to Dormin by Choamix's reckoning.

Sage herself was created for the purpose of keeping the evil in it's can, and Sonic is about to make her job very difficult. It's an interesting prospect, having Sonic's heroic antics getting turned to destructive ends whether he's aware of it or not, and I'm pretty intrigued to see just where Sage goes, whatever her intentions and purposes. I have a lot a faith that Ian will be able to handle things with his typical aplomb, so it's all the more reason to keep the present under the tree 'till November!

- Something something Red Right Hand. Whatever might about from Sonic's latest fashion statement, I can tell you now that I really hope we get something like Darkspine Sonic out of it. Super forms as a general concept have always gone pretty unexplored, and here we have Sonic having to deal with something that's much more invasive than what he's used to, opening the door for all kinds of potential fun! Tackling all the ways something like this can go could be a missive in it's own right, and I'll be trying my damnedest to refrain from sinking my teeth into it until the game actually comes out.

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic frontiers #spoilers #...possibly

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yvonnethomasphdla · 1 year

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versin-surfin-moved · 2 years

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Starters taken from my Matthew Playlist (5/7)

Taken from my Matthew spotify playlist (which can be found here). You don’t have to know any of the songs to use the starter, don’t worry!

*Please note that the presence of certain artists on this or any of my playlist is not an endorsement of the artists as people or agree with every action they do. There are some artists I know nothing about. The reason any songs are on here are because I like them and think they fit the character.*

Feel free to change pronouns as needed!

*Content warning for: self-harm, alcoholism. Lyrics for those songs will be under the cut*

Circus- Lindsay Mendez

“Hello kind sir, I'm so glad you never met me”

“Just to be fair, I admit that I'm scared. And sorry for what I must do.”

“Best not to talk”

“No one will know”

“Good afternoon, Miss! You are my second victim”

“Shhh, not a word”

“Just know that what I am doing is part of a plan”

“I will connect with as many souls as I can!”

“You have to go”

“Haven't you been in love on the edge where there's no turning back?”

“It drives you to boil right up till you spill. It can drive you to bliss. It can drive you to kill.”

“Sometimes I feel like I'm living in a circus”

“Goodbye, you're done!”

“If he could see me now, he'd know he's not alone”

“We could be together in a world where we exist”

“Sometimes... I'm in control...”

The Cigarette Duet- Princess Chelsea

“It's just a cigarette”

“Honey, don't you love me?”

“You know it makes me sad”

“I was different then, I don't need them to be cool”

“It's just a cigarette and it harms your pretty lungs”

“It's only twice a week”

“Honey, can't you trust me? When I want to stop, I can.”

“Is it worth it if we fight?”

“I only did it once”

“It'll make you sick”

“I'm sorry that I did it”

“You'll be sorry that you did it”

Cop Car- Mitski

“I get mean when I'm nervous like a bad dog”

“I miss riding horses”

“I miss running fast”

“I was meant for running fast”

“I am cruel, I am gentle, I can make you laugh”

“I've loved many boys, I've loved many girls”

“I don't think about the past, it's always there anyway”

“I will never die”

“I've preemptively blocked all the exits”

Backstabber- The Dresden Dolls

“I know you want to jump around but try to contain yourself”

“You're all alone”

“What do you care?”

“I feel for you, fool”

“Failure has made you so cruel”

“Show us what you're good for”

“Come on join the bloodsport”

“Is it because you’re a fucking backstabber?”

“Don't tell me what to write”

“Don’t tell me that I’m wrong”

Broken Horses- The Mechanisms

“Sometimes the screaming will cease”

"Warfare’s just one more title for hell”

“I wonder if devils get nightmares of all of their victims as well”

“I can’t outrun those broken horses”

“It was a slow, agonizing war of attrition against one of the best defended districts in the city“

“We honoured our valiant foes”

“When they finally opened the gates of the district, there were none left alive. The war was over.”

“Sometimes it’s hard to remember the city was not always here”

“Statues are all that remain now”

Bad Habit- The Dresden Dolls

“Happiness is just a gash away”

“You might say it's self-indulgent, you might say its self-destructive- but, you see, it's more productive than if I were to be healthy”

“The ugly marks are worth the momentary gain”

“I'd kick the bucket sixty times before I'd kick the habit”

“Even if I quit there's not a chance in hell I'd stop!”

“Anyone can see the signs”

“Thank you for your pity, you are too kind”

“Why on earth would anyone practice self-destruction?”

“Makes me want to give mankind a beating”

“I've tried everything”

“No one cares if your back is bleeding”

“Makes me want to give myself a beating”

My Alcoholic Friends- The Dresden Dolls

“I'll get home with my imagination”

"When we get the sign from God I'll be the first to call them”

“I'm taking back the number of the beast 'cause six is not a pretty number”

“I'm trying hard not to be ashamed”

“At least the ceiling's very pretty”

“I'll be on my best behavior”

“Love is never falling over”

“Should I choose a noble occupation?”

“They would stare at me with hatred”

“Plus, my only natural talent’s wasted”

#memes #rp prompt #rp starter #starter meme #prompt meme #okay to reblog

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fuwushiguro · 2 years

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I’ve Loved You Since This Morning

chapter two | masterlist | chapter four

Toji Fushiguro x f!Reader | Megumi Fushiguro x f!Reader

Genre: Smut & Angst with horror/thriller elements Notes: I want Toji Fushiguro to be obsessed with me and that's just how it is 😈 Warnings: 18+, dubcon, age gap, alcohol consumption, self-loathing, self destructive tendencies, threesome implication, possessiveness, mutual pining, bickering, guilt tripping, slight violence, misogyny, slut shaming, teasing, groping, light petting.Words: 5.4k

Synopsis: You meet a handsome older man while partying in Paris with your best friend. Going home with a man you've just met isn't usually your style, but looking at him is more than enough to dispel any doubts. But maybe you should have listened to your intuition.

The sights of Paris were always something you could enjoy with your father when you visited, but it’s not quite what you had in mind when you booked this trip. All that concerned you, really, was spa visits and restaurants. Of course, clubbing had been a part of that equation – but that desire has since died. The whole tourist thing was certainly on your best friend’s itinerary, and it’s not something you’d deprive her of. You can come here whenever you like, the same can’t be said for her. So, whatever she wanted to do, you were happy to comply. The sights were fine. No, they are beautiful, but they no longer bring out the same sense of awe that has seemed to fill Nobara each day for the last week and a half of your trip. There is a sight you have found yourself in love with since touching down in France. Each passing day you grow to love it more.

The sight is the back of your eyelids, and Toji Fushiguro is your guide.

It was no small miracle that you hadn’t been caught by Nobara since your new pseudo French lover has been in your hotel room every single night. Literally. Every night without fail. You’ve both learnt to be quiet, despite how difficult it is. There is certainly a wanton gleam in his eyes whenever he has to muzzle you, more than happy to silence your desirable moans. He’d love to hear it, but the look of desperation in your own stare might be even more pleasurable than any noise you might make.

He always makes sure to be gone before Nobara wakes up. The earliest she rises from her sleep is 8am. It can’t be helped, but the exhaustion of sleepless nights slithers into your hectic days. It’s worth it though, you think. There are only a few days left in Paris and you want to spend as much time with him as you possibly can. He hasn’t left your thoughts since day one, not even for a second. You couldn’t quit him even if you wanted to; not even for your best friend Nobara. But once this vacation is over, you’ll have no choice. You’ll have to forget about him.

A distant memory of a romance in Paris.

“I want to take you out; on a date. A real one.” he tells you. The morning sun breaking behind the clouds and highlighting his gloriously sculpted body as he puts on his shoes. You wonder if he does this on purpose. Putting his shirt on last, you mean. Like he’s trying extra hard to make sure you don’t forget what an Adonis he is and how perfectly he uses his body to his advantage while he fucks you.

“We can’t.” you sigh, looking for your underwear that he’s surely thrown on the other side of your hotel room. He needs to be dressed to leave, but you sure don’t. Nobara would definitely be suspicious if she noticed you were ready and dressed before her.

“But—”

“Toji, we can’t. I feel bad enough going behind her back like this when I swore I valued our friendship more than whatever this is.” you explained, halting for a moment when you finally spotted your pink lacy panties.

“She’s a bitch,” he starts, finally putting on his shirt from last night and buttoning it from the top downwards. You went to argue his insult, but he wasn’t finished. “Nobara isn’t your friend, if she was, she wouldn’t make ultimatums like this and stand in the way of your fucking happiness.” he bites. You do nought but scoff, looking for his jacket so that you could hurry him out of your room quicker.

“She didn’t make an ultimatum, I told her that I’d stay away.” you begin, unable to believe something that is supposed to be fun is becoming this intense so soon. “Toji… You’re an incredible fuck. But that’s all this is, right? I mean c’mon… Stand in the way of my ‘happiness’. We’re just fucking.” you finish with a giggle.

You set your sights on Toji’s jacket. Before you can pick it up for him, he snatches it first. His face is barely an inch from yours; you can feel nothing but indignation emanating from his entire being. A smile forms on your face, something you hope will make him calm down. Make him smile back. But it’s returned with nothing but a stagnant, unimpressed glare.

“Fine.” he mumbles, pushing his arms through the sleeves of his outerwear. “I’ll see you tonight, then. Just to fuck.” he murmurs snidely, heading towards the door. You follow him, wanting to say goodbye properly and wave from the door. Your heart twists when you reach up on your tip toes to kiss him farewell and he snubs you completely.

Were you wrong to think this is nothing more than sex? It certainly seems to mean more to him. Especially if he wants to take you on a date.

A real date.

It’s been hard to keep your cool all day with Nobara. You’re relived to be back at the hotel after a gruelling day of sightseeing and shopping. Daddy dearest will surely be having a meltdown when he sees how much money you’ve spent on his credit card today alone. But you’re in pain. It’s been a colossal challenge to hide your hurt feelings from your best friend. Covering up for your water filled eyes with the excuse that the winter air is getting to them. The real reason is because of Toji, naturally.

You texted him saying you were sorry. Pretty much the instant he left this morning.

But you haven’t heard a thing back.

You’re stressed. How could you let this happen? It’s obvious now, time doesn’t fucking matter because you’ve massively caught feelings for your raven-haired lover. There’s no other explanation as to why you’re so upset. Why you’re on the verge of tears. You like him. For fuck sake. You’ve fallen in love on a holiday romance. How embarrassing.

There’s always been a self-destruct button inside of you. It’s been hit so many times you’re surprised it’s still working. And when you find yourself at your dressing table, removing your makeup to apply a fresh layer, you realise you’ve hit it. There’s no way you are about to sit and wallow in your own misery over a man you’ve known for eleven fucking days. You’re going out. If he doesn’t want to answer your texts and give you the attention you deserve, you’re sure someone else will.

You take a break to order room service. You want wine. No – you want champagne. Sensual music plays and you find yourself feeling it within you and allowing yourself to move along to the arousing melody. You’re waiting for your alcohol. And the music is a little too loud for Nobara.

She comes in, a pristine white towel wrapped around her body and another on her head. There is a look of panic in her eyes, had she forgotten dinner plans you had made for tonight? Her worry is cancelled as you shake your head. Elation soars through you as you make a beeline for the door when you hear the hotel staff knocking. They cart in your champagne, served in an ice filled bucket with two flutes to drink out of. You ask Nobara if she’d like to partake, but she declines.

“So you’re just dressing up to sit in your room and drink alone, huh?” she wonders.

“Don’t be silly, I’m going out. I wanna meet someone cute and I need a little buzz before I go. Y’sure you don’t want a drink?” you ramble, watching the member of staff pour out your drinks for you. She declines once more, utterly perplexed by your statement.

“You promised me that we don’t have to go out partying anymore this trip. I don’t want to fucking go after last time I told you how horrible it was for me.” she complains. You shush her incessantly which you can see is starting to piss her off more. It’s like poking a bear with a stick. You stop, attempting to regain control of the conversation to talk to her properly.

“I know it was horrible for you, babe. That’s why I’m going alone.”

“What? You’re not fucking going clubbing by yourself, are you insane? Or just plain stupid.” she barks at you, and although it’s only out of terror and concern, it still manages to get under your skin. You’re not in the mood to be challenged or argued with. And you’re definitely not in the mood to have Nobara control your decisions, especially when the reason you’re upset leads back to her.

“You have no idea how badly I need to hook up tonight. I need to deal with some things in my own way – like this. And I need some alcohol. So please, don’t stand in my way.” you tell her, sitting comfortably at your dressing table with both glasses of champagne for yourself.

“You don’t need to hook up. Don’t be such a whore for once in your life and just talk to me. Sleeping with a million people isn’t going to make anything hurt any less if you keep shit to yourself.” she tells you. The insult of her calling you a whore goes completely over your head. She’s right, after all. You are a whore. A slut. It’s all you're good for. But it’s something you are good at. It’s pretty much the only thing you have terms of skill. You are a dynamite fuck. You know it and everyone who’s ever had the honour of your cunt knows it too. But aside from that… You just love it. You love having sex and you love being stuffed full of cock. So, no matter what Nobara has to say, she’s not going to stop you from getting some dick tonight. “Compromise for me, please. There’s a bar downstairs right? Don’t go clubbing or I’ll be worried all night. Just…”

“Not to be rude but I’m trying to get ready.” you respond.

She huffs, positively fuming that you were in fact rude. There’s nothing she can say to change your mind, clearly, and her temper has given her enough of a reason to give up. If you want to get yourself into trouble you have no hope of escaping, knock yourself out. She’ll be worried, of course. But she knows you too well. She knows there’s no talking to you when you’re like this. So, she leaves you be, slamming the door behind her as she retreats to her own room.

Maybe hanging out in the hotel bar isn’t such a bad idea. It’s safer, and you’re sure there will be plenty of rich single men eager to spend the night with you.

You enter the elevator in a black evening gown with a plunging neckline. It’s amazing. You are amazing. You don’t think you’ve ever done your makeup so beautifully in your life. If you don’t end up getting any dick tonight the only answer is that every man in the hotel bar is married or gay. It’s the only explanation, honestly, because tonight you look good enough to eat.

There are a few potential men that catch your interest, and you seem to catch theirs. It’s a game of cat and mouse, you establish. This isn’t your first rodeo and you certainly won’t be pandering to them to get their attention. You approach the bartender, ordering another glass of champagne. But you don’t plan on looking like a common call girl waiting for attention. Instead, you take a seat on the comfortably lavish seating. One leg is crossed over the other. Appearing discreet is a specialty of yours, seamlessly pushing out your chest in an attempt to regain the attention of the males of the room. It’s a simple, erotic dance between you and them. You’re all just animals, after all. Sweaty, primal carnivores hungry for meat.

Eyelashes flutter. Your lips pull slowly into a delectable, content curve. It’s not a smile. You aren’t happy – just satisfied. A pair of strangers, a blonde and brunette, join you at your table with the relaxing, plush seats. They break the silence between the three of you, and you cannot voice how relieved you are that they are speaking English. Without even speaking a sentence to them, you already know you’ve won. There’s nothing more to be done and not a single thing left for you to do. This is happening.

You’re getting dicked down tonight.

They ask your name. You don’t care to ask theirs.

They ask what’s your poison. Can’t they see that it’s champagne?

Will you let them buy your next drink? Who are you to refuse?

They want to know your room number. Nowthey’re talking.

There are a few things making this exchange so enthralling. Men are deplorable and disgusting. It’s funny being with these two degenerates because you’re sure they think they’ve blagged their way onto a promise. All of their hard work has paid off and they’re about to have a threesome. But really, they did nothing. You’re allowing them to have a threesome with you because that is what you want, too. It isn’t because they pretended to care about you and your life and your reasons for travelling to Paris. The decision was yours before any of you even opened your mouths.

And the other thing? Toji thinks that you haven’t realised he’s sitting in the bar a few tables away peering over his shoulder at you. Men really are stupid. But it’s good. It’s easier to play them like this. It’s easier to get what you want. And really, that is all that matters in the end. It’s cute, if you can call stalking cute, that he thinks you are clueless of his presence. He thought he slipped into the bar with ease, that you hadn’t spotted a trace of him. He must have noticed you sitting here when he was about to head up to your room. He’s been nursing the same drink for a while now, waiting for your interaction to go any further.

And it does.

The brunette holds his hand out for you to take, the three of you are ready to continue this meaningless interaction in the privacy of your hotel room. A fondling collision that will end with all parties being flooded with shame, regret and paranoia – if only for a fleeting moment.

But apparently, a hand to hold is enough for Toji. It’s all that is required for him to intervene. His brows wrinkled aggressively when he neared close enough to shove the strangers arm away.

“Bored of me already? Think these two are gonna compare to me? Hm?” Toji mutters loud enough only you can hear him. You roll your eyes but his gaze doesn’t falter. He’s waiting for an answer as his dazzling eyes glare at you expectantly. An answer doesn’t come. What could you say? There’s nothing on your mind other than irritation, rejection and despair.

Their faces read a clear story to you as they chat amongst themselves. They think they’re real clever as they communicate in French, assuming neither of you can understand. Toji turns to them languidly, giving the pair extra time to carry on enjoying whatever nonsense they’re discussing with each other.

The expressions on each of them is delicious when Toji begins to speak French right along with them. It’s almost as erotic as foreplay between you two. Whatever they had been talking about must have been pretty damning. They look like they’re going to cry. Hell, they look like they might piss themselves out of fear. It’s a shame you can’t understand what is being said, but you assume it was about Toji. To insult someone as well built and threatening as Toji right in front of him takes balls. It was meant to be a private conversation… How were they to know he was fluent?

It culminates after one of them points in your direction and utters something you can only assume is misogynistic. Toji grabbed him by the shoulders and discreetly drove his knee into the man’s crotch. He too points in your direction as he whispers viciously into his ear.

They scarper, eager to get away from the black-haired psychopath standing before you. He is holding out his hand to you now. The only person he’ll allow between your sheets and your legs is him.

“Pissin’ me off, the fuck was that? C’mon, upstairs. Gonna make you sorry.” he warns you, pulling you towards the exit of the bar. Although you do struggle, there is little intention behind it. You don’t actually want to wriggle away from him. You’re performing for him. Though you are all animals, Toji is in another league.

Toji Fushiguro is an apex predator, a carnivore.

“I don’t want to go upstairs!” you tell him.

That one sentence is enough for him to snap. The room around you becomes a blur as he spins you, hard, into the nearest wall. He doesn’t care that people are looking. He doesn’t care that there are tears of embarrassment building up like glitter diamonds in your pretty lash line. One large hand grips your face, your lips pucker shamefully. The most wonderful thing about you to him is how mouldable your body is for him. The lightest touch and even without intent you’re doing exactly as he desires. Good girl. Good fucking girl.

“T-Toji…” you mewl. He’s smirking, now. His free hand snaking up to the soft, plump flesh of your breast. His thick, callused thumb grazing over your pebbled thinly covered nipple. He doesn’t let up, the way you’re jolting and squirming is enough incentive to keep him going for a while. The breathy, quiet moans spurring him on to keep teasing you. It didn’t take him long to get to know your body, your cunt. He knows you’re soaked even with the little attention he’s given you. And he was so delicate. You’ll be good for him now, won’t you?

“Yeah, bet you wanna go upstairs now, huh?” he taunts, a husky little whisper that fans across your face. A simple smirk turns to a villainous stare as he awaits your answer.

“No! I don’t want to go in that fucking room anymore.” you pant. You’ve been cooped up all damn day. You were having a perfectly fine time with your new friends, or toys, until he ruined it. You were happy enough to go back to your room with them if only to stain the sheets with the smell of strangers instead of Toji. He was driving you insane.

“Well, princess, let’s go on a fucking date then.”

La Seine river cruise is something you’ve done with your father a handful of times. But somehow it felt different with Toji. He thought it would be something special for you. A big expensive vessel to ride atop of as well as a fancy meal to boot. He must know you come from wealth. Toji on the other hand… he is wealth.

“What did he say to you? When you kneed his balls, what did he say?” you question, staring at your plate. You don’t have any sort of appetite. You don’t know why you’re here. And this is the only thing on your mind. What did he say? You wait patiently for Toji to stop chewing on the piece of food in his mouth so that he can answer you.

“He called you a slut. A dirty slut, actually.” he tells you plainly. There was no sugar-coating with Toji. Only the exact, agonising truth. And you weren’t surprised by that or what they said. But you couldn’t help the way your heart dropped at the verification.

“Big fucking surprise, so what did you say back?” you wonder nosily. He pointed at you, too, so you know he said something about you. Did he agree with them? Or was he simply marking his territory?

“I told him you’re my wife.” he admits simply. He takes another bite of food and doesn’t even give you the dignity of looking at you after his humiliating lie. Like it was the most normal thing in the fucking world to say to somebody. His wife. You’re barely his fucking acquaintance. You drop your knife and fork onto your plate, finally earning a look from Toji as he adjusts his stare from his dinner plate to you.

“What’s wrong? Food isn’t good enough?” he queries, eagerly feasting on his own dish. You know the food is fine. Delectable, actually, but you aren’t hungry. You can’t eat and drink, for a start. You never have and you never will. But the fact he can’t get it into his thick head that what he said crossed a fucking line is making your blood boil.

“What is your endgame here? Are you trying to impress me with your money? Because I’ll save you the trouble and tell you this isn’t going to work on me. I’m sure it works on all your other victims who believe you to be a French native, though.” you monologue effortlessly as you hold a glass of wine lightly between your fingers. The clinking of Toji’s silverware clatters against his plate loud enough for him to demand the rest of the restaurant patron’s attention to your table.

“You are making me fucking crazy. Haven’t mentioned that in a while, you haven’t forgiven me?” he grumbles faintly. You have, forgiven him that is. It hasn’t been on your mind since day two. It’s you. It’s all you. There is a hammer within you battering against that damaged and scratched self-destruct button. You’ve never been good enough and you never will. So why not ruin everything before you can get hurt?

“I didn’t want to come here, Toji. I was about to get fucked within an inch of my life by two authentic Frenchmen. Do you know how many times I’ve been on this exact cruise? I don’t, I’ve fucking lost count.” you bark at him.

“For fuck sake. So, what… I need to spend more money to be a better date for you? Or I need to be a mind reader and know your life story so I know what I can and can’t do? You’re impossible and you’re more of a bitch than I had you down for, must be why you get along with Nobara so well.”

“Hey—”

“No, I’m talking.” he tells you, raising a finger to silence you once more. “Did somebody hurt you to make you wanna slut your cunt out to any guy who looks at you?” he coos patronisingly. A singular tear rolls down your eye that you quickly manage to wipe away. Of course, he saw it. But if there is any justice in the world you’ll be able to stop yourself from letting anymore free.

“Stop it.”

“I’m right, aren’t I? Someone broke your little heart and now you’re afraid to trust anyone else.” he continues mocking you, enjoying himself a little too much. “Either way, I gotta tell you sweetheart – you’re fucked up.” it’s like he’s goading you. He’s willing you to snap and lose your mind and make a fool of yourself in front of all of these people. But you won’t, you refuse. “The answer to your problems is sex, yeah? That’s why we’ve been at it like rabbits for the last eleven days. And that’s why you were gonna let two strangers fuck you raw. Like a dirty slut. They were right. Fuck is wrong with you? I don’t believe anything in your life is that bad.”

“First off, you are a stranger. You’re just a stranger I’ve known a little longer than those two. And maybe my problem is you. I wanted to fuck other people to forget about you and the fact you’ve been ignoring me all day.”

“Thought we were just fucking?” he smiles.

That’s more than enough to scrape the feet of your chair across the floor, once again stealing everyone’s attention towards yourself. He doesn’t follow you immediately. There’s only so many places you can go on a boat in the middle of a river after all.

Ultimately, he thinks enough time has passed when he looks at the time on his phone. You’ve been gone for a while so he’s sure he can rule a bathroom trip out. He wipes his mouth with his napkin before abandoning his table.

You find yourself on the outside on the upper floor of the ship. It’s strange, eerie. Everyone is preoccupied with their meals so you have the entire seating area to yourself. The seats are cold, even through the fabric of your clothes. The view of the city is enough to make you cry. It’s beautiful. It’s so beautiful. The river beneath you is shimmering like the tears on your face. The streetlights around you illuminate the world around you like stars in the sky.

You’d kill for a cigarette right now.

Right on cue, an instantly recognisable set of footsteps near closer and closer to you. They’re heavy, and they’re slow. It’s like he’s trying to scare you. A predator approaching his prey. You don’t dare look, you can’t face turning around and having him see your glimmering face. Your skin pinches together dramatically when he sits beside you, though. Unmistakable goosebumps that make him chuckle. It’s like you’re terrified of him… Are you?

“Do you love me?” he questions, the distinct sound of a scratchy cigarette lighter grates on you. He’s finding it hard to get it to work, but eventually he succeeds. The question went over your head initially. Your mind wasn’t with him, you were just dwelling on your sad little life. “Well? Be honest, I think you do.”

“Do? Do what?”

“Love me.”

“Don’t be ridiculous I’ve known you for eleven days.”

“Do you think that matters?”

You sigh at that. Completely exasperated and sick of listening to his idiocy. It’s a theme, you’re noticing. That he says something stupid and expects you to answer him sincerely. Like when he asked if the first time you had sex was the best fuck of your life. It was, but it wasn’t the point. It was a stupid thing to ask after you’ve just manipulated someone into bed. It was similar to this. A stupid question plus scepticism from you. And if you’re remembering this formula correctly, he’s about to put his entire chest behind the justification of his next words.

“I’m pretty sure I love you, darlin’, and I don’t care that it’s only been eleven days.” he admits. You reject his admission with a disgusted scoff. The formula is failing him, this time.

“You’re a fucking child. You’re pretty sure, are you? Bull. Shit. You don’t fucking know me, you idiot. You don’t know a god damn thing.” you berate him. You still can’t face him, you’re screaming into the abyss. You’re lucky it’s so loud on the boat because you’re sure in any other circumstance you would have attracted the attention of the passers-by.

Toji gently holds the side of your face, you resist him for a little. Only a little, though. You succumb to his touch, allowing him to turn your face to look at him. He thumbs away the streaky tear lines of your face carefully. Your heart is heaving in your chest. He looks so fucking good and you hate him for it. He purposefully rests his thumb on your lower lip. Sensually pulling down on it until it wobbles back into place. His mouth is ajar as he admires you as he always does. Sparkling jade green eyes taking every pretty detail of your face into account. The wings of butterflies are beating dramatically in your lower stomach. Why is there so much tension between you and someone you’ve been sleeping with on a day-to-day basis? There’s no more time for you to think about it when he leans down to kiss your neck.

“Fuck, Toji…” you whisper.

He isn’t doing anything special, just a few bites and hard sucks. You’re craving him, though, and he knows it. He was right earlier, there was no way those two losers from the bar could ever satisfy you like he could. He pulls you onto his lap so that you’re straddling him, eager to please you as well as himself. His lips press pecks down from your neck to between the valley of your breasts. Your dress bunched up around your thighs is so lewd and exposing. You grind your clothed pussy against Toji’s crotch, harshly. Eager to satiate your desire. But as the cool Parisian night breeze hits you, so does your clarity. Your senses rush back to you and you want to stop. Stop this. He just told you he loves you and you called him a child.

“Stop, Toji. I want to stop.” you tell him.

“Okay, okay.” he halts his actions, respecting your decision to not proceed any further. But you remain straddled on top of him, wanting to look at him as you continue to talk. Eager to be close to see any trace of lies or deceit or just plain tomfoolery.

“I don’t think you love me, I think you’re confused.” you explain.

“No, baby. I don’t see why a time scale matters because it doesn’t matter if it’s eleven days or eleven fucking years. I feel happier when I’m with ya and I wanna be with you all of the time. I think about you… All. Of. The. Time. So yeah, I love you. Fuck it.”

“You don’t! You’re being ridiculous, this is our first date and it’s gone horribly. The only time we’re not at each other’s throats is when we’re having sex you’re not in love with me you big idiot.” you chastise. You can’t help but laugh at yourself and your choice of wording but you meant everything you said. It’s stupid and untrue.

Toji Fushiguro is not in love with you.

“I know the only thing stopping you from saying you love me back is the time we’ve known each other. But you can’t decide how I feel, I’m tellin’ the truth. If it makes you better, how about I say… I feel like I could fall in love with you, easily. That make it better for ya? Huh, dummy?” he teases. The scar on his lip stretching as he smiles. It looks painful, almost. You fight the urge to touch it. Another time, maybe.

“Do I feel like I could fall in love with you easily? Yeah, sure. I hate to admit it but yeah. I felt hurt when you left today and wouldn’t kiss me. I realised today that this is going too fast and I shouldn’t be feeling the way I do about you so soon. It’s terrifying.” you confess, fresh tears springing from your eyes silently as you come to terms with the less than appealing predicament you’ve found yourself in.

“So, what’s the fucking problem? Why can’t we just skip all the shit of pretending and just be in love now?” he asks as if it’s the simplest question in the world. Because it will be soul destroying when you have to be apart. When it ends. It’ll be heart breaking when you realise it was stupid to let yourself fall in love in such a short space of time.

“Because I’m going home in three days, Toji.”

“We have now.”

“But what about after now? This can’t be now forever.”

He moves you around so that you’re seated more comfortably on his lap. A finger traces down the side of your face, his fingertips still feel your dewy, sticky tears that have been shed. He doesn’t wipe them away; he just traces them. You’ve done an awful lot of crying today, haven’t you? A lot of unnecessary tears if you had both just been honest with yourselves from the get-go. He kisses the shell of your ear attentively, each pucker of his lips sending vibrations from your ear canal down your spine. He knows you’re right. There is an after now. This can’t be forever. But he wants to ignore it. You’ll cross that bridge when you come to it, or maybe you’ll forget the whole thing.

“We have now, baby. Just think about now.”

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#toji fushiguro #fushiguro toji #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jjk fanfic #toji x reader #toji x you #toji x y/n #toji fushiguro x reader #toji fushiguro x you #toji fushiguro smut #toji smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #jjk smut #fushiguro toji smut #tw dubcon #tw age gap #tw alcohol consumption #tw possessiveness #tw mutual pining

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leossmoonn · 3 years

Text

Unrequited Love || Part Two

masterlist | Part One

pairing - 1980’s!stefan salvatore x fem, vamp!reader

type - angst, fluff

note / request - request by anon “omg if you make a part 2 of unrequited love you could make them meet like farther in the future (in like the 80s or something) when he has his humanity on and he falls in love with her but she’s already with somebody else who’s like an asshole but she and stefan have a secret affair…. or something” hehe i love this so much!! thank you for giving me this idea :) and yes if u haven’t read the first part you will need to but i promise its worth it. and i tried to research where stefan might’ve been in the 1980s but i could’ve find anything so… sorry this is just made up lmao

summary - you and stefan meet 64 years later

warnings / includes - language, alcohol consumption, fighting, crying,, cheating, kissing, stefan stalking you lmao. lmk if i missed anything!

————

*gif isn’t mine*

stefan couldn’t stop thinking about you ever since you had left, and even when he continued to have his humanity off. once he turned it on, he felt destructive levels of pain and loss, heartbreak and anger. he tried to find you a year later when he had finally got his humanity back, but he couldn’t. apparently, you had moved out of chicago the same week he had ruined your life and tore your heart out — metaphorically speaking. it wouldn’t be until 64 years later you two would meet again in san diego, california.

“don’t stop believing! hold on to the feeling! street light, people, oooh, yeah!” you sang, jumping up and down with the crowd.

“steve perry is so hot, woo!” your sister shouted.

“you have a boyfriend, marcy!” you laughed. “gabe doesn’t have to know,” she winked.

you rolled your eyes with a laugh, turning you attention back on to journey who was ending their concert with their undeniably most famous song, ‘don’t stop believing’.

"that was awesome! i am so glad chase bailed,” marcy giggled as you both left the venue.

“yeah, i had more fun with you than i would’ve with him,” you chuckled.

“i know you wanted him here, though.” she took your hand, giving you a sympathetic smilie.

“it’s alright. we haven’t hung out in forever, anyways,” you said.

“yeah, my great-grand kids have been begging me to babysit them. apparently they do not like their own grandparents babysitting them,” marcy smirked.

“well, no offense, but you're 38 and they are in their late-50s,” you snorted.

“i know. i don’t know why they refused to be turned. being a vampire is great!” she exclaimed.

“maybe your great-grand kids will want to be vampires,” you shrugged. “i think joey wants to. he’s fourteen and he knows everything about them. not sure his mother wants him to become a “monster” or whatever,” marcy rolled her eyes.

you smiled, “maybe it’s for the best.”

“oh, please, if you didn’t become a vampire, we probably never would’ve have gotten close again.”

“it’s amazing how changing our species was what it took to bring us back together,” you snorted.

“weird how the world works,” marcy giggled.

she got out the keys to her bmw, slipping into the driver’s seat. you climbed into the passenger seat, buckling yourself in and turning on the radio.

“you want to listen to more music? we just spent three hours screaming like, 50 songs,” marcy said.

“i could always go for some cyndi lauper,” you grinned, turning up the radio and dancing in your seat.

“you’re gonna be up all night, aren’t you?” marcy raised her brow. “hopefully chase will be, too,” you giggled.

“mm, knowing him he’ll be asleep. it’s two in the morning.”

“maybe he will wake up for me,” you shrugged.

marcy bit her tongue as she thought of what to say. you sighed, knowing what she was thinking. chase was an asshole, but you loved him.

“do you think gabe is still awake?” you asked, changing the subject. “maybe. i don’t know, he might have gone out for a late-night snack,” marcy guessed. “you think he saved you anything?”

“no, he’s always been a greedy feeder,” she rolled her eyes. “kinda like you,” you smirked. she scoffed, “ i have better control than him! and you, actually.”

“excuse me?” you raised your brows. “yeah, you fed on like fifty people tonight. i only fed on ten,” she stated matter-of-factly.

i snorted, “would you like a medal?”

“yes, i would, actually,” marcy nodded with a grin.

you laughed, “i’ll give you one of the medals scotty won.”

“i think he’d want you to have that,” marcy said. “says who?” you asked.

“says like, all of our family. i never got to know him until the last five years of his life. you’re the one who helped him to breast feed.”

“yeah, he was such a difficult baby. no wonder why mom kept be for two years to take care of him,” you laughed, a little melancholy. you took marcy’s hand, squeezing it for comfort. “i told him about you all the time. he admired you a lot more than he admired me or mom, or his dad. he became a nurse because of you, even though all his friends thought that he was “girly” for being a nurse. he didn’t care. he wanted to be just like his big sister.”

marcy glanced over at you, giving him a thankful smile. “thanks, y/n. i just wish i got to know him earlier.”

you shrugged, “you had three kids and a marriage you had to pay attention to. it’s not your fault that you didn’t get to know him earlier. life just kind of got in the way.”

“yeah, well, i’m thankful you turned me so i wasn’t dead before he turned 40,” marcy chortled.

“too bad we couldn’t turn him,” you frowned. “like you said, life got in the way. it has its own path for us, and scott wasn’t meant to live forever. it’s okay,” marcy said.

“yeah,” you looked out of the window, “it’s okay.”

marcy parked outside of your home thirty minutes later.

“have fun,” marcy smiled. “i’ll try. tell gabe i said hi,” you said as you got out of the car.

“will do. i’ll talk to you tomorrow,” marcy said. “see you,” you smiled before you walked away.

you got your keys out of your purse, unlocking your front door and entering your home. all the lights were off except for the little nightlights you kept in the corners to keep soft light in your rooms.

you took off your coat and shoes, putting them in the closet. you hung up your purse on the kitchen chair, tip-toeing up the stairs to your room. you peered into your bedroom, smiling a little as you saw your boyfriend sleeping soundly. he was clutching your pillow, his nose buried in it. he wasn’t so horrible all the time.

you slipped into the room as quietly as you could. you went to your closet, taking off your clothes and slipping into your pjs. as you closed the closet, chase woke up.

“hey, baby, how was the concert?”

you turned around slowly, a little startled by his voice in the silence. “it was really fun.”

“looks like it. it’s 3 AM,” he glanced over at the clock. “i wish i could’ve gone with you.”

“well, you had the chance,” you chuckled sourly.

chase sat up in bed, sighing. “i’m sorry. i’ll go with you next time.”

“you better,” you sauntered over to him.

he turned the lamp on, smiling as you walked over to him. he held his arms out and you sat down on his lap, straddling his waist.

“did marcy call steve perry hot?” he asked. “only like, ten times,” you snorted.

“did you call anyone hot?” he questioned.

“only you,” you grinned. your eyes fluttered close as you leaned down to kiss him. a clattering sound broke you two apart. you would’ve fallen if you didn’t have excellent balance.

“what was that?” chase asked. he started to get up, but you stopped him.

you stared into his eyes, putting your hands on his shoulders. “let me check it out.”

“okay,” he nodded after a few seconds. you kissed him on the cheek, giving him a smile before you left the room.

you ran downstairs, grabbing a knife from the kitchen. although you were a vampire, an extra weapon always came in handy. you tip-toed through the downstairs, looking into the windows. it wasn’t until you got to the front door when you got startled. there was a figure outside your window. it looked like a man’s silhouette.

“who the hell is messing with me at this hour?” you grumbled to yourself. you swung the front door open, stunned to see that the man disappeared. you went outside, fear filling your chest. you had only been this afraid three times in your life. once was when marcy caught you with a boy in your room, when you got chosen to be turned into a vampire, and now. you hated the feeling of being scared, but you knew it was a normal response. just because you were a vampire didn’t mean you were invincible — kinda.

“hello?” you stepped out onto the porch. you held up the knife, ready to use it. you looked around your yard, seeing nothing but a broken flower pot. you put the end of the knife in your mouth, bending down to pick up the flower pot.

“y/n?” a familiar voice spoke.

you turned around, whipping the knife out of your mouth and holding it up. your eyes widened and you gasped as it was stefan who had been outside this whole time.

“s-stefan?” you stammered, absolutely flabbergasted.

“hey,” he offered you a warm smile.

you couldn’t believe it. 60-plus years had gone by and you had never seen him until now. he looked different. he was wearing leather and demin, his hair was unruly, and not slicked-back like how you remembered. he looked kinder and a little older, too, even though you knew he can’t age. maybe not older but wiser.

your vision was suddenly blurred, tears ran down your cheeks slowly.

“what are you doing here?” you asked.

“i finally tracked you down,” he said excitedly.

“f-finally? you’ve been trying to find me this whole time?” your chest warmed at this.

“yeah, that’s what i’ve been spending most of my time doing,” stefan confirmed.

“i’m sorry i’ve made it so hard for you to find me,” you chuckled. stefan laughed with you and shrugged. “it’s alright. love isn’t supposed to be easy.”

“l-love?” you gasped, blinking rapidly.

“yeah,” he nodded with a small smile. he walked up to you, taking the knife out of your hand and placing it onto the porch ledge. he then took your hands into his, moving closer to where you could feel his breath on your lips.

goosebumps rose up on your arm, electricity surging through your veins. you looked into his eyes, his pupils will taking up most of the space in his iris. it was the first time you had ever seen him look at you like this before. he had finally turned his humanity on.

“i know it’s still nighttime, but why don’t we go and grab some breakfast? lincoln square pancake house open at five. we can take a walk there to pass the time,” he suggested.

you smiled, “i would like that…” your voice trailed off as you saw the light in your bedroom flash on. you sighed, giving stefan a disappointed look. “i’m sorry, but i can’t. i’m with somebody.”

“what?” stefan frowned.

“yeah, he’s upstairs waiting for me,” you explained.

you took a few steps backwards, your hands slipping out of his. the warmth you two felt from each other left in an instant.

stefan turned around and looked at the window, glaring at the silhouette of chase.

“how long have you two been… together?” stefan swallowed hard.

“two months,” you answered. “you can just leave him then, right?” stefan suggested more than asked.

“i-i can’t just leave him because you came back,” you scoffed.

“why not? you two haven’t been together for that long. he won’t care.”

“that is so rude! god, what is wrong with you? i thought you had turned your humanity on?”

“i have! it’s on, i’m just… i can’t believe you are with someone!” stefan groaned. he took the knife from the ledge, throwing it at one of your flower pots.

“what the hell?” you shouted as you watched a couple of pots break.

“i can’t believe i spent all this time searching for you when you’ve been with someone all along!”

“i can’t believe you expected me to just stay alone for 60 years! you are so selfish!”

“well, maybe if you didn’t move around so much then i could’ve found you better! maybe if you tried to find me, too, then we wouldn’t be arguing right now!”

you looked at him incredulously. you didn’t think humanity-stefan would be this angry and selfish. you almost wished he had his humanity off.

“you don’t think i did that?” you asked. “you-you don’t think that i tried to search for you? i went to virginia, new york, los angeles, and even fucking texas and london to search for you!” you shouted.

“why did you stop?” he asked.

“do you not know how painful it was holding on to you? holding on to your memory, the heartache you gave me? the fact that i had to figure out how to keep myself happy and not like, kill myself after every decade of not ageing? i had to stop searching for you to move on. i had to try and fall in love with other people to move on. i did it for myself, stefan, and it is so selfish for you to think that i would wait for you and put myself through years on pain. you left me —”

“i did not leave you! you left me!” stefan cut you off.

“you left me hopeless and in love. your constant teasing, and that kiss — ugh! i cannot believe you let me kiss you. every night that i went to bed knowing that you were playing me, but you made it so hard to let go, to set boundaries. i hate you for that. i-i hated you for that,” you sobbed.

he looked at you apologetically, feeling horrible that he yelled at you. he moved closer to you, reaching out but you backed away.

“go back home, stefan,” you said quietly.

“no, y/n, wait. i’m sorry, we can talk this out. i can meet your boyfriend —”

“no,” you shook your head.

you pushed past him, going to step inside your house but he stopped you.

“does he know you’re a vampire?” he asked.

you sighed and shook your head.

“then you can just compel him to forget you! simple as that!” “i love him, okay!” you whipped around.

“how can you love him? you’ve only been together for —”

“i fell in love with you in less than a week. don’t be surprised if i love somebody i’ve been with for two months,” you got up in his face, glaring at him. you took a deep breath and stepped back, calming yourself down. “maybe i’ll see you in another 60 years.”

stefan started to cry then, too. “no, no, y/n. please, don’t go.”

“goodbye, stefan,” you sighed. you went back into your house, shutting the door. you started to sob as you turned away from the front door.

chase came downstairs, shocked to see you sobbing. he ran to you, putting his arms around you and engulfing you into a tight hug.

“what’s wrong, sweetheart? who was at the door?” he asked in a soft voice.

“n-no one,” you sniffled. you looked up at him, looking into his eyes. “no one was at the door. i am crying because i jammed my finger into the door. a cat was playing in our yard and broke our flower pots.”

he repeated your words, looking down at your finger with worried eyes. “is your finger okay?”

“yeah, you know i heal fast,” you chuckled.

he looked at your face, reaching his hand up to wipe the tears that were still falling. “it seems like it really hurt, though. do you want any ice or ibuprofen?”

“i’m afraid no human remedies could fix this type of hurt,” you muttered, looking down at your hands.

“what was that?” chase asked.

you perked up, giving him a fake smile. “ice would be good.”

“coming right up, babe,” he kissed your forehead.

“thanks,” you sighed.

you turned back to the door, peering out of the window. there was no sign of stefan. it seemed like he had left for good this time.

or so you thought.

the only place he did leave was your house. otherwise, he was all over the city, following you and appearing in the restaurants you ate, the stores you shopped at, and even outside your sister’s apartment.

you were debating about writing a restraining order, but you knew that he would just rip up the paper and kill whichever police officer registered it. you just had to send him a message without actually talking to him, which was something you never wanted to do again. and not because you didn’t want to see him, you just couldn’t.

“tommy, do not get into mammy’s things!” marcy scolded the child.

“i’m sorry,” he pouted. marcy rolled her eyes, picking him up and placing him on her hip. “it’s okay, tommy. just go and play with sissy.” she let him down and he ran into the living room.

“how can you stand so many kids?” you asked.

“there’s only two,” marcy snorted. “yeah, and they are everywhere,” you muttered.

“i’m glad i had kids before i was turned. i couldn’t imagine my life without those two buggers,” marcy grinned.

“more like you wouldn’t be alive long enough to imagine them,” you smirked.

“oh!” marcy gasped, hitting your arm. “what is up with you this week? you have been so unusually sarcastic and a little more rude than normal.”

“i’m sorry,” you sighed, “my life has just been so.. stressful.”

“talk to me,” marcy said, putting down the knife and putting her hand on your forearm.

“stefan came by the other night,” you said in a hushed voice.

marcy’s jaw dropped and her eyes bludged out of their sockets. she grabbed your upper-arm, dragging you into the dining room where no one could hear you.

“what do you mean ‘stefan came by the other night’?” she asked.

“he came to my house and broke my flower pots,” you explained. “what the — are you two back together? well, wait, you’re still with chase. he’s in the other room, so you couldn’t have broken up with him,” marcy thought out loud.

“i haven't broken up with chase… yet,” you bit your lip, looking at marcy nervously. this was the first time you had admitted to wanting stefan out loud.

“what are you thinking? did mom drop you on your head or something, and it’s finally now affecting you?” marcy scolded.

“he is everywhere, okay?” you said. “who?” marcy asked.

“stefan,” you whispered. “he has been following me everywhere and he’s even been appearing in my dreams. i… i don’t know if it’s a sign or what —”

“no, it’s not a sign. none of this is a sign. you’re only seeing him in your dreams because you are seeing him in your day-to-day life which by the way, we need to get a restraining order or something,” marcy said.

“no!” you shook your head furiously.

“why not? do you seriously still love him?” marcy judged.

“no, but i —”

“oh, you are the worst liar y/n m/n l/n. you are so in love with him!”

“am not! i was the one who told him to go away!” you lied because you hated disappointing your sister, but you knew she could see right through you anyways.

“oh, yeah? and tell me, did you dream about him that night? did you stay up all night thinking about him? ever since he's appeared in your life does kissing chase not feel the same? you don’t feel the passion, the heat you did with chase as you felt with stefan. every time chase touches you, you imagine it’s stefan. every time you come home you hope it’s to stefan. every time chase calls you ‘sweetheart’, you —”

“okay, fine! i-i love him. i’m in love with him. is that so bad?” you sighed.

“yes! he broke you. he ruined your entire life, led you on, and ripped out your heart. i don’t care how he makes you feel. it took you 15 years to get over him. you do not want to fall down that hole again.” “he has humanity on, marcy. h-he’s different now,” you defended him.

“do you even hear yourself right now?” she laughed.

“i know i sound crazy, but stefan is a hell of a lot better than chase. even you know that.” “chase can be an asshole, i agree, but you also compel him more than half the time. you can’t compel stefan to not get mad at you and do what you say. stefan is a manipulative stalker that needs to leave you the hell alone. if you aren't going to talk to him, then i will,” marcy gritted her teeth.

“marcy, please. let me figure this out on my own,” you pleaded.

“i don’t trust you to make good decisions, and neither should you. that man does something to you. it’s like he compels you to love him.”

“my feelings for him are true and i can’t deny them!” you shouted louder than you had meant to.

“you either get over him or i’ll make sure you get over him,” marcy whispered. she stormed away and back into the kitchen, continuing to make lunch.

you stayed in the dining room as you started to cry. you leaned against the wall, sobbing as quietly as you could as to not alarm anyone. you knew marcy meant well, but it hurt so much when she invalidated your feelings and didn’t trust you. all your guys’s life she has always been on the look-out for you. and although that stopped for a while when she had kids, it picked right back up once you two became close again. you appreciated her concern, but you knew what you were doing. you told stefan you were in love with chase, you told him to go away. admitting your feelings for stefan was the first step to getting over him, actually. you did it once, you were sure you could do it again.

the next few weeks were awkward for you and marcy. you two barley talked and it was weighing on you heavily. without marcy your life felt so empty. instead of walking around town, seeing the same movies in the theatres, and playing with your great-nephew and nieces, you spent your days in your house cleaning, cooking, and playing wife. you loved cleaning and cooking for chase, but you also liked going outside and shopping and hanging out with your sister. that came to an end quietly as soon as you mentioned stefan. and speaking of stefan, him stalking you didn’t get any better, either.

if he was going to ignore your boundaries then you were going to completely ignore him. although you had deep feelings for him, you were still scared that you would get hurt. you just didn’t know if you could trust him yet. but ignoring him didn’t work very well for one night. he had managed to corner you as you came out of the super market.

“talk to me, please,” stefan begged.

you stared ahead, trying to walk as fast as you could without using your vampire speed and freaking out all the humans near you.

“if you talk to me now i’ll stop bothering you.”

you couldn’t help but chuckle. that was an empty promise.

“y/n, please. sweetheart —”

“don’t call me that,” you turned around, death-staring him.

“why? because chase calls you that? we both know you told him to call you that because he is so not that type of guy to call a girl sweetheart.”

“go away! i’m trying to go home!” you groaned, turning back around and continuing to walk to your car.

“to play house wife? c’mon, y/n, we both know you’d rather be day-drinking or running through the woods with the wind in your hair.”

“you know nothing about me,” you chuckled sourly. “i know more about you than you think,” stefan said.

“how? because you’ve been stalking me, right?” you hummed.

“y-yes, but —”

“leave me alone! go back to virginia or wherever you live now,” you said.

stefan grabbed you, causing a thrill to run up your spine. he turned you around so you would face him. you collided into his chest, being as close to him as you were the night you two kissed.

“i live here now. i have lived in california for a while now, actually,” stefan stated.

“well, i know for a fact you’ve never lived in san diego because i have been all over this city,” you said.

“you’re right. i never lived in san diego until now.”

“then go back home! because of you my relationship with my sister is falling apart, i’m confused about my feelings for you and chase, and you stalking me is seriously creepy.”

“so you do have feelings for me?” he smirked.

“i knew i always would,” you nodded. “but that’s not the point, okay? you hurt me to the point where marcy had to help me get out of bed and shower. she had to help me eat and for a while, all i could think about and do was cry about you. so just spare me another heartbreak, please.”

“i know i hurt you. i’m so sorry,” stefan apologized, looking into your eyes. “you may never believe me, and that’s okay, but after i turned my humanity on i was a wreck. and even before then, i never stopped thinking about you. i never fathomed how much you would mean to me, and how much i would end up needing you. you were the one thing that kept me going. searching for you kept me going. i’m not the same man i was in the ‘20s, please believe that and give me a chance. one date is all i’m asking.”

you knew he was telling the truth. the way his eye contact didn’t once falter, how his voice sounded, the way his grip on you loosened. but you couldn’t give in, not this time.

“i believe you, but the answer’s still no,” you sighed.

“i know you compel chase and i know he fights with you a lot. if you were dating me, there would be no reason to be scared,” stefan stated.

you frowned, “i’m not scared of him.” “yes, you are. i saw how scared you were when be raised his voice at you at the restaurant for “flirting” with the waiter. he’s not good for you, y/n,” stefan sighed.

“you aren’t either,” you muttered.

“i can be if you would just let me,” he stated matter-of-factly.

you exhaled deeply, his scent filling your nose. he smelled like jasmine and leather, a little unique for a man, but you loved it nonetheless. you looked into his eyes, focusing on them. you never realized how pretty they were before. they were a deep-green, like the color of pine trees. his eyebrows were were perfectly shaped and thick. his hair was tousled, but soft-looking. he had amazing bone structure, a strong jawline and prominent cheekbones. and his lips, they looked so soft. and from you remembered, they fit perfectly against yours. you wondered if they still did.

you were leaning into him, the only thing between you now was a millimeter of space. you looked back up to his eyes, seeing the excitement and sincerity in them.

“c’mon, sweetheart. let me prove to you i have changed. one date and i’ll promise to leave you alone. you have my w —”

“yeah, okay,” you cut him off and smashed your lips onto his.

you took him by surprise, but he quickly regained composure and kissed you back. his arms wrapped around your back, pulling you flush against him. your hands went up to his neck, your fingers burying themselves in his hair. your suspicions were right, his hair was soft. the dark strands slipped through your fingers as you ruffled your hands through his locks. you grabbed a tuft of hair, pulling it gently as his tongue slipped into your mouth.

his lips fit yours perfectly, just like last time. the kiss from 60 years ago was full of tension for sure, but this one was passionate and loving. his lips moved against yours tenderly, taking their time to savor the feel and taste of you, but there was also heat in the way his tongue explored your mouth, in the way you two exhaled and inhaled deeply between each kiss.

you had never experienced this type of kiss with anyone else but him, not even chase. you knew for a fact that you were with the wrong man.

stefan was the first one to pull away, opening his eyes and grinning from ear-to-ear. “you didn’t cry this time.”

“yeah, well, i don’t think that you are messing with me this time,” you smirked.

“i’m not. i promise,” he said. “i know,” you nodded.

you sighed, giving him a sad smile. “i have to go now. chase is expecting me to make some chilli.”

“shouldn’t keep him waiting. your chilli is amazing,” stefan smiled.

“i’ll save you a bowl,” you promised. “are you saying you’re going to cook for our date?” stefan asked.

you laughed, “no. i want you to take me out.”

he nodded, “alright. deal. friday at four?”

“four? that’s kind of early,” you said. “by the time we get to our location it will be dinnertime,” he explained.

“where are we going?” you asked. “you’ll see,” he winked.

“friday at four then,” you nodded.

“i love you,” stefan kissed your cheek.

you gave him a smile in return, and he accepted that response. you loaded your car with groceries, driving back to your house. you could not wait for friday.

————

part three

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eponymous-rose · 3 years

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Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E131 (March 30, 2021)

Tonight’s guests are Liam O’Brien and Sam Riegel!

Brian points out that a lot of Caleb’s greatest fears have come to pass. Liam: “It’s funny, because he’d kind of believed for a while that those things weren’t going to happen. After a while, he got complacent.” He notes that it was extra wild because everything with Trent popped up again in the midst of that complacency. And how did it feel to be defiant toward Trent? “I think Trent successfully made Caleb question if Caleb really was in control“ at the dinner party. “I feel like anything that I do is part of his plans for me, or is that just gaslighting? I’m legitimately scared of that dude.” Sam: “Of Matt?” Liam: “Sure.” He highlights the disconnect between knowing that the M9 is mechanically powerful and could possibly defeat Trent in a dice-and-stats battle, versus fearing him in a story sense and being convinced he can do almost anything.

Sam, on Luc’s death: “That was brutal, man. Matt Mercer is a-- he hates children! Clearly. He actively sought to kill a child in the campaign in as brutal a way as possible. He hates children and wants them dead. Canon. No, but to RP, that was horrible.” He highlights that so much of Veth’s arc has been about trying to get back to her family. “We had to choose something and we thought we were making the right choice. It was all Veth’s fault, and it was pretty rotten. My heart was beating pretty fast, and I certainly didn’t want to have my son die live on the stream. I don’t know what Veth would have done. That’s the end, that’s over. It’s almost worse than when your own character would die. This is something that would also kill Veth.” After the episode was over: “just shaken. I also didn’t know what to do next! That felt like a turning-point moment for my character, weirdly so close to what we assume to be the end arc of this campaign. I texted Matt later that night and was like, that’s it, Veth’s out, I’m tapping out.”

There’s an interlude in which Sam discovers a new dream to record an episode of this show from his Peloton. Dani informs him that she will not be inviting him back.

On Astrid, Liam: “I literally don’t know what she’s doing. I know that she’s dangerous, she always was ambitious, and there’s not been a moment where Caleb let his guard down with her. He’s not trying to reestablish what they had. He cares for the both of them, for Astrid and Eodwulf. He thinks about it a lot, still. He can’t tell how much she buys into everything that she experienced and is now living as a full-grown adult. He suspects that she’s bought in and is not going to change things, because she believes in the system, as much as he’d like to peel her away. He does believe that they want what’s best for the Empire, and stopping whatever wants to come vomiting out of a hole in the frozen north is good for everyone. And they’re powerful. They’re not trustworthy, obviously. But there’s enough at stake to make it worth it. He could imagine a situation where they fight each other to the death.” He was convinced Astrid was going to stop them when they left the tower and was really shocked when she held back. Sam: “Not me! I’ve trusted Astrid since day one. She’s the greatest! I sent a letter to her, she’s very nice, I think you guys would be a nice couple. I believe every word she says.”

On having to decide on Veth deciding to go off and save the world after Luc’s death. “Like I said, I was ready to be done. And then I decided somewhere in there that that’s not very D&D. So I thought I’d leave it up to somebody else, so I asked Caduceus to decide for me, essentially. She knows she’s putting her other family in danger if she doesn’t go. It’s an impossible choice, you know?” Liam: “I love watching you grapple with it, because you’re a lovely father and love your kids.”

On the Sanatorium, Sam: “That was brutal, man. Matt lulls you into a sense of complacency. We’d forgotten that Caleb was a stone-cold killer! It had been a while since he went on a murder spree. Still got it!” Liam: “I never meant for this character to be perfect sunshine.” Brian: “You don’t say.” Liam: “He’s very not-perfect, and I think in his brain, he was going in with the impression that they needed to get in and get out as soon as possible. The place is crawling with people with magic ability, and I didn’t have faith that we wouldn’t be sussed out or something wasn’t going to blow an illusion.” Everything was about getting out of there as fast as possible.

Did the conversation with Yeza help with Veth’s decision? “First of all, every conversation with Yeza is a beautiful one. Every time she talks to Yeza, it makes her feel good. In some ways, she’s gotten to the point now where she knows Yeza’s going to be supportive, she knows he’s going to allow her to do what she wants, but maybe that’s too much. Maybe she needs to not listen to him, basically, and be like, no, you need to be selfish now, dude, you need to say ‘come home, I’m sick of you leaving’. At a certain point, being supportive can turn into being enabling.”

Cosplay of the Week: Jester in the snow! (liljerbear47, photography by kairiceleste on Instagram)

On Trent’s motivations for chasing Caleb: “I really don’t know. The simplest explanation is to just hammer down the nail that’s sticking up. It has crossed his mind that all high-level wizards are in danger of their own ambition and egos, so it’s occurred to him that Trent might have the same kind of ideas that Halas had in the past, and maybe Caleb was always meant to be another body to jump into. Maybe in some sick, disgusting, twisted way, he wants him to be his successor. I am thinking of the next campaign, without getting too deep in, trying to do something that is much more ride-along. Caleb is very, very specific, and I thought long and hard about all the different pieces on the chessboard for him. For campaign three, I’m looking forward to seeing what happens.”

Dani: “Do I need to be keeping lore on your fucking ads?”

On the cursed dagger: “It was a tricky one, because in campaign one, one of the characters was under the influence of a cursed weapon, but it interacted with him and he knew what it was and what it did. And it affected his gameplay as a character. For me, Veth didn’t know what it was, ever. I as a player knew what it was doing, but Veth didn’t know at all. So it was kind of like my dirty, dark secret for many months. I knew this thing was coming perilously close to killing me, but my character didn’t know enough to bring it up to her friends. Nobody ever asked! So I was like, well, I guess this thing’s just going to kill me one day, and it’s kind of going to be a surprise.” Liam: “Sam, you love danger and self-destruction so much, you might as well be Mollymauk.”

On the fight in Yasha’s sequence, Sam: “You gotta put a character in your storm giant creature. It was so fun! It was so great of Matt to involve us in this encounter. It would’ve been fun just to watch, because Matt would have made it amazing and Ashley was sweating bullets, which is always fun to watch.” Sam notes he felt guilty, but Liam was going for the kill. Liam: “Matt’s gotta be careful about giving me that kind of story beat. I do not fucking care, I just fucking flip, I’m like, well, I’m going to destroy you, and I have no qualms about it. It’s too much fun!”

The Beau/Yasha tower date was in part inspired by not being able to give gifts as easily this last year. “This thing that we do together is a gift, but I love finding these moments, like the book for Jester and the tower for Yasha and for Beau. I really just wanted to give both of them a little magic for a night. I wanted them to leave this-- we’re trying to be as entertaining as possible, but shit is having an effect on all of us too, and I wanted them to have an escape, a great place to escape to.”

Fan Art of the Week: an amazing group shot, plus Marion, Yeza, and Luc! (vocaz on Twitter)

On choosing Essek over Trent, Liam: “It would have been so interesting and awful and great! Essek and Astrid and Eodwulf are everything that Bren used to be attracted to that are terrible for him. Essek, hopefully he can with time find a way out of the hole that he dug himself into, but it was only two months ago where he was found out and his ambitions came crashing down around him. Long-term, I have high hopes for him, but I think it’s going to be hard.” In contrast, Astrid and Eodwulf are still “deep in the shit. It would have been really hard to navigate, but fun to play at the table. We made the right choice with what we went with. Essek’s just getting started, and Caleb doesn’t trust him entirely, because he was burned so hard not too long ago. He’s still more trustworthy than the other three. So it’s the better choice. While Caleb has all these ties on the other side, they’re really fucking dangerous. So if you have to choose, you choose Essek. But fuck that die.” Sam: “Veth, much like Sam Riegel, makes instant decisions about whether to trust someone or not and sticks to it forever. Astrid, 100% trust. Eodwulf, 100% distrust. Essek, completely distrust. I still don’t think he’s a good guy. Ikithon? Trust. 100%. Because you know where he’s coming forward, you know what he wants. I still want him dead, but I trust him.”

On Veth’s post-adventuring plans: “Veth is probably still too in it right now to think about what comes next. I, Sam Riegel, have a good idea of what I want Veth to do post-campaign.” Brian: “Maybe you shouldn’t tell us. Save it for the show!” Sam: “All she knows is she can’t do this anymore. It’s very unhealthy to be battle-wounded every other day. It’s fun for a while, but college has to end at some point, and she’s gotta go home.”

On Frumpkin changing appearance and returning to the Feywild: “I don’t know what I’m going to do, but the way it feels now for Caleb is that he feels too enmeshed in everything that has happened, and too much good has happened, and too much needs to happened, that that really narcissistic, selfish goal has the risk of harming everything else, which is more important. And that’s how he looks at it now. So he’s gearing towards letting everything from the beginning of the campaign, and where he started, go, and trying to figure out what use he’s going to be now and what he’s going to do if they’re not all dead. If Matt throws that shit down, I don’t know what I will do, I think about it a lot. But turning Frumpkin white and saying you’re free either way is him preparing to let go of everything he’s been holding on to for a really long time. He’s addicted to that idea that he can fix himself, and we’ll see if that hard choice gets presented, what he might do. But where he stands now, he doesn’t think that’s going to be reality, and he sees a way that he can be of use that he never really anticipated before, so he’s slowly shifting gears towards living with the pain he was trying to remove.”

On the last request scene and confidence heading into Aeor, Sam: “I feel like that’s a good request. I think all of us realized that if we die, that probably bodes badly for the world. I feel like all of us are at a point now as characters and as friends, that the first order of business would be to take care of everybody else’s shit, although we probably have different ideas of how to do that.” Liam: “I want the Empire to be healed, Caleb has all these memories of his parents and what they wanted for the world, and he wants that too. It’s clearly not in place now, the system needs to be broken and replaced. That could be a part of Caleb’s sunset. I don’t want Caleb to die, so maybe he can work on that after. As everything starts to shake out and we start heading towards our destiny, Caleb’s just free-floating. He’s not even going after the same thing he started for. So he’s looking at Veth’s family, and Luc specifically, and seeing that’s me, that’s a little boy in the Empire.”

#critical role #critical role spoilers #talks machina #talks machina spoilers #long text post

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writings-of-a-hufflepuff · 3 years

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Prompt List #10 - Plus Size/Fat character

For the sake of this prompt list Character A is always plus size/fat. I mostly made this because I think we need more plus size reader inserts and character fics. For those who want to write them but aren’t sure of ideas, don’t know where to start I figured this might be worth while.

I’d love to see more people create plus size/fat character specific prompt lists tbh.

All my Prompt Lists

Character A is grabbed/physically assaulted as a joke/way of laughing at their body. Character B is the one person who steps in.

“I’m too heavy...baby…”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

Character B digging their fingers into Character A’s hips, soft waist, stomach, sides etc. enjoying the tactile nature of their partner.

+ (You may like to add to this) Character A pulling away from Character B due to feeling self-conscious/uncomfortable with Character B touching those parts of them they’re usually admonished for.

Character A is forced into wearing something tighter than normal, maybe they haven’t had time to do their laundry and it’s the only thing they have left, or it’s a last minute formal event and the only dress they have is something they bought and never felt confident wearing. Character B is there to remind them every step of the way how lovely they are.

“Has it ever occurred to you that I find all of you attractive? That i’m not ignoring anything, not picking and choosing parts of you that I like and ignoring those that I dislike? That I like all of you?”

Character A walks past a mirror and feels unusually (or not) self-conscious, it puts a damper on their mood. Character B takes note and aims to correct this.

Victorian AU: Character A has spent their life being told they’re unmarriable, unlikely to find a spouse because of their size, that they don’t fit the mold. Character B has a few choice words for Character A’s parents and a proposal.

Victorian AU: Character B soothing the marks left on Character A’s skin from wearing an ill fitting corset in an attempt to conform to societal expectation. Lots of tender love and care.

Character A decides to wear a swimsuit to the beach/pool for the first time in years, they’re self-conscious but trying not to show it. Character B is just there hyping Character A up, showering them in love and appreciation because damn!

Character A is confident, feeling it, has worked so hard on their body confidence. Character B isn’t quite there yet with their own. Character A is here to remind Character B that they are wonderful, lovely, deserve to feel confident and good in their body.

Character B is proudly showing off their partner Character A, not afraid to show everyone how much they love them.

(You could add this) Character B is asked why they’d even be with Character A, derogatory comments are made about Character A’s size. Character B is not having it. This is their baby and they love them.

“I don’t want you to hide from me. I don’t want you to feel like you have to, ever.”

“I love you for you, for all of you. I don’t think you’d be pretty if you were smaller, I don’t think you’d look better if you lost a few pounds. You’re all I want and all I need, just as you are.”

Character B takes comfort in just cuddling with Character A. In resting their head against Character A’s soft stomach, wrapping their arms around their waist/hips.

Character A has begun distancing themselves from Character B as their insecurities take over and they worry Character B is bored of them or no longer attracted to them. Character B is determined to set the record straight

“I’m not asking you to compete with anyone, you don’t need to. You’re the best person for me, the only person for me. I think you’re the most beautiful/handsome/attractive/etc. Person i’ve ever met. I don’t want them. I don’t want anybody else.”

Soft kisses to the soft rolls of a soft stomach

Soft kisses to the soft dips and curves of hips and love handles

“I love your double chin. I love your round cheeks. I love you. I love how your cheeks dimple when you laugh.”

Kisses to stretch marks, trailing fingers over the marks in Character A’s skin.

“You’re so soft.”

Character B is kind of obsessed with Character A’s butt

Soulmate AU: It’s terrifying having a soulmate, growing up to believe that they’ll reject you, that your body will disgust them. Character A is petrified of meeting their soulmate, scared they’ll be rejected, that they won’t be attractive enough. The moment they meet Character B those fears are washed away.

“I love your stomach, have I ever told you that?”

Character A gets dressed up for the first time, Character B is a little bit starstruck

Character A takes Character B with them to go clothes shopping. Character B is having the time of their life seeing all the different outfits.

Alternatively, Character A can’t find anything that fits right/they feel good in and is getting really down. Character be is here to save the day and change their perception.

1980s/70s/60s/90s AU: Character A (fem. presenting) works in a male dominated office, she is constantly dealing with the day to day sexist comments added to that are the comments about their body/shape/size. Character B usually works out of office, but for the first time they’re in house long enough to notice. They decide to put a stop to it.

Mob/Mafia AU: Character A isn’t what people expect a mob boss's favourite gal/guy/person to be like, too sweet, too soft, too big. But that doesn’t change the fact that they’re the favourite and no one can say a bad word about them.

Character A has been in past abusive relationships where they’re shamed for what they eat. Character B is here to make sure they eat what they want and don’t feel bad about it, they refuse to let Character A fall into self-destructive patterns.

Character A is soft, sweet, runs a bakery, (massively cliché i know), character B is rough around the edges but melts around character A.

“I’m not like other girls/guys/people you’ve dated. I...look at me? I don’t look anything like them. How can you...I don’t...I don’t understand why you’d want to date me?”

“I’m not your type.” “Who says?”

Character A poses for Character B nude for a life drawing session

Character B is always drawing character A in their sketchbook when they’re not looking. Character A finds the sketches.

Character B tries to write poetry about Character A, it’s bad, but it’s also sweet.

“I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to be hidden away like some sort of dirty little secret. I can’t… I won’t.”

#plus size #plus size reader #fat reader #writing prompt #writing prompts #prompt list #prompt lists #writing prompt list #writing prompt lists

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 3 years

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One of my favorite narrative choices/interpretations in twdg is how tied together Clementine’s “death” scene and Lee’s death are. Yeah sure, there are the obvious visual parallels but that’s not exactly what I’m talking about.

For the longest time, I was one of the people who always shot Lee, y’know? It just makes sense, you can’t let Lee become a walker, it’s so much more tragic for Clementine to be the one to put him down. Clearly shooting him is the right answer. After all, the player percentages don’t lie.

But then years passed and I eventually played the other route where I asked Clementine to leave Lee, and I am no longer one of those people.

Don’t get me wrong. Both endings make me cry. They’re powerful in different ways, but there’s something about the way that leaving Lee to turn into a walker can affect an interpretation of TFS and Clementine as a character.

[note: this turned into a bit of a Clementine character analysis and it’s long and I’m sorry that this is the way I am]

Y’see, having played through the series as much as I have, I’ve grown to love this narrative that you can build leading back to this choice and the ways it stuck with Clementine over the years, and subsequently affects the way she raises AJ.

When you ask Clementine to leave Lee, he gets the chance to give her a little more advice and it get progressively heavy:

Lee: You can leave me. It's okay.

Clementine: You'll be just like them.

Lee: It's okay. It won't be me.

Clementine: Lee...

Lee: Clem, it's time to go. You gotta get out of here.

Clementine: You can come with me.

Lee: No, honey, I can't. It's okay.

Clementine: Please?

Lee: You have to go, now.

Clementine: Maybe...maybe...I shouldn't let you turn.

Lee: I don't want you to have to do that.

From here, you have a set of options that allows Lee to explain why she shouldn’t shoot him: Shooting people changes you and Lee doesn’t want Clem to get used to that, she can remember him alive as her last memory of him rather than her shooting him, she should save the bullet, or the noise will draw more attention than it’s worth.

After that, depending on your choices, he’ll further explain himself. I usually get:

Lee: Pulling the trigger of a gun and ending a life, Clem...you feel yourself lose something every time. The first time, the most. Don't do it unless you absolutely have to.

Clementine: I'll go. I'll...leave you. I'll go as fast as I can.

Lee: And as safe as you can. Always be safe.

Lee is barely breathing at this point, he can’t keep his eyes open, he looks like he’s on the verge of turning into a walker at any moment. Clementine, gun her in her little hands, turns to him and one last time, asks him not to go.

Like… the whole scene is more than enough to make you teary eyed.

There are a lot of reasons for making this choice, most of which you’re allowed to explain through Lee. Some people have a more logical take on this by saying that it doesn’t matter if Lee turns or not, Clementine isn’t in danger with him chained up, therefore she doesn’t have to waste a bullet in killing him. That bullet might be the difference between life and death in the future.

Then there’s a more emotional approach of not wanting Clementine to be the one to have to kill Lee, forever traumatizing her even further after everything she went through with the stranger and her parents. Lee can’t ask her to do that, he can’t force this little girl to kill him just so that he won’t turn into a walker. It’ll change her.

I like to think it’s all of the above. Lee’s made sure that he can’t get to her, she’s armed and knows how to protect herself, and he cares more about her having an extra bullet that could save her life rather than wasting it on him when no matter what, death is inevitable for him. It’s like what he says about Larry if you tried to save him:

“It's like with Larry, honey. He was goin', one way or another. But at that moment I couldn't do more violence. You have to be careful about that. It'll consume you.”

She shouldn’t do that if she doesn’t have to. Lee has no idea what’s going to happen after he dies, if he’ll just be dead and gone or if part of him will remain as a walker, or something else. He reassures her that the walker left in his place won’t actually be him, but no one actually knows that. Yet, that doesn’t matter, he cares more about Clementine than himself at this point.

But what does this choice do to Clementine?

Sure, she doesn’t have to live with the fact that she killed the man who swore to protect her, even after she was indirectly responsible for him getting bitten in the first place. He asked her to leave him there, to let him become a monster, to leave before she could see him like that. He makes sure she knows that this was the right thing, the best thing for everyone, and I do think she believed him, or at least want to, in that moment. Underneath her grief and stress of the worst day of her life, she at least had Lee’s last words to her and his reassurance that she’s going to make it through this.

But then we move onto the other seasons, and Clementine isn’t the little girl she was in the first season. Season two is pretty much summed up with: “Clementine does ANYTHING and gets punished for it.”

She goes through so much shit in S2. You can try to make all the morally good choices you want and Clementine will still end up getting slapped around, people she grows to care about fall dead all around her, and she gets a lot of blame for it. She’s forced to kill a dog that attacks her, Kenny lashes out at her more than once, blaming her for Sarita’s death no matter what you do, she can’t save Sarah, she couldn’t save Luke, everything is falling apart and by the end, everyone’s fucking dead with the exception of either Jane or Kenny, depending on you choices.

Clementine carries all this shit with her, like Kenny and Bonnie telling her that just because she’s a little girl, she thinks she can get people killed and it’s okay since she’s sorry. Of course she’s going to internalize all of it and bring it back to Lee. She has conversations with Kenny where she’ll open up about how it was her fault he died. Kenny, for all his faults, will usually try to reassure her that it wasn’t.... but then pulls the shit he does so y’know... mixed messages that help no one.

But by the end of it, no matter what ending you get, little newborn AJ is left in Clementine’s care.

From all of this, we know that Clementine tends to blame herself for the deaths of those she cares about, which is traced back to Lee. It’s when we get to ANF that her tune changes a bit. She’s jaded, bitter, selfish, and Lee was right..... all of this violence did change her.

I mean, she just fucking shoots the guy who traded her bad bullets, and while she didn’t mean to... she still pointed a loaded gun at his head and pulled the trigger, something Lee taught her to never do unless she had to. Then, she wants Javi to cover for her, to lie... and if you don’t, because hey murder and lying bad, she gets upset and tries to make Javi feel like an asshole for telling the truth rather than validating her actions.

When I say ANF Clementine is my least favorite, it’s because her behavior, while it makes sense, is so frustrating and unbearable at times. It making sense doesn’t excuse it.

She steals, lies, pulls several Kennys where she gets pissy when you don’t do what she wants you to, is willing to assist in Lingard’s death if it benefits her without even considering any other options or what a dark place he’s in, and she’s at a point where she just assumes everyone around her will inevitably die or leave her. That’s just what happens, that’s why she’s alone, and as a means of coping, she tries to spin it this way to alleviate some of the pain she’s had thrown at her for years.

Now, ANF Clementine isn’t all bad, she has a lot of redeeming moments where the Clem I knew in the past two seasons will shine through. You as Javi can help her grow and get onto a better path than the one she was goin’ down. She makes friends with Gabe, which is important since as far as we know, she hasn’t had a friend close to her age since Sarah. She has hope again after David tells her AJ survived, and she has more than just survival on her mind.

It’s just.... it’s sad to think that she’s at a point where she seems to have momentarily forgotten Lee’s final words to her. And when I think about it..... this behavior would almost make more sense if she DID shoot Lee, y’know? But in this timeline we’re discussing, she didn’t, she left him to turn and he gave his reasons for why he wanted that... but she still ended up this way. Nothing he could say or do could’ve prevented that.

But at the end of ANF, Clementine has one goal: get AJ back.

Through all of this, through ANF and before the events of TFS... I truly believe that Clementine lost herself.

She’s forgotten a lot of the things Lee taught her, she’s forgotten about her parents in the sense of “what would they think if they saw me now,” she’s overwhelmed with all that bad that those good things, that hope she had, has been put on the backburner.

She’s been forced to live in a world that’s cruel to you no matter if you’re “good” or “bad”, and that can put you into that selfish mindset where you tend to just disregard everyone you don’t have any emotional connection to, and even then, people you’re close to will get the same treatment, whether intentional or not. It’s unflattering, unlikable, and the only reason more people don’t see that is because it’s Clementine.

It gets to a point where she has a few different paths she can go on, and right now, she’s on a destructive one.

I think through knowing the Garcia’s, she was put on a better path but she’s still lost. She’s hyper focused on getting AJ back. Nothing else matters, nothing will stand in her way, and that leads to a breaking point in her character.

So...the McCarroll Ranch flashback is a thing.

The varying interpretations of this scene are interesting to discuss.

Some will say Clementine was continuing her extremely selfish and destructive behavior when she found the ranch in flames and was willing to commit more murder in order to get AJ back, even if it meant traumatizing him with the death of his caretaker, and if she had shown up earlier before they were under attack, who knows how far she would’ve gone to take him away.

Others say no, that Clementine found the ranch compromised, she was acting in self-defense when she shot Eddie and AJ’s caretaker, Helen. It was either her or Clementine, as Helen was pulling a gun out when she spotted Clem, who reacted accordingly. If she hadn’t shown up, perhaps AJ wouldn’t be alive right now. We don’t know.

For me, it’s a bit of both. She finds the ranch and panics because yeah, it’s on fire and there are assholes running around, shooting the place up. She holds Eddie at gunpoint, demanding to know where the kids are. He thinks she’s another asshole raider and even tells her that he’s not gonna let her take a kid, and she kills him. She doesn’t try to explain herself, she just demands the info and kills him. It’s not great, but yeah, he would've hurt her if she didn’t kill him.

Then, she hears Helen talking to AJ, who is in the locker. I don’t know why she didn’t say anything. There isn’t an option to. Maybe she thought silence was the more peaceful route, or it would give her an upper hand. But, then Helen hears here and panics, pulls out a gun, and Clementine shoots her.

This is the moment.

She shoots this woman in the children’s room, and after examining her body, realizes that she was the one caring for AJ. Clementine is looking over this woman, and you get pieces of her thoughts like-

“She was taking care of him”

“I had no choice”

“I’m sorry”

Then, Clementine finally gets what she’s longed for- she has AJ back... and he’s covered in blood, sobbing, terrified of her. She coaxes him out of the locker and he sees his caretaker dead on the floor.

This scene, with Clementine looking at the body, walking through rubble and fire to put AJ in the car, he’s staring up at her with this unfamiliar look in his eyes.... and she stops for a second...

I truly feel like this is the moment where Clementine is suddenly hit by everything all at once, and she’s actually questioning, “Oh god..... who am I? How did I get here and what have I done?”

She did all of this for AJ, and now she has him, so it was worth it, right? Everything she did was a necessary evil and it was worth it... right?

... but imagine if Clementine did inject Lingard, killing him. She assisted in a man's death to get here. Was taking his life necessary? If you know how the choices work, then no, it’s not. But Clementine doesn’t know that.

If you stopped her, then she still gunned down several people to stand where she is. She’s has left AJ so wounded by killing Helen, and while we know she didn’t have a choice in the moment, AJ doesn’t understand that. He doesn’t even recognize Clementine and she can see that in the way he looks at her.

“Pulling the trigger of a gun and ending a life, Clem...you feel yourself lose something every time.....”

TFS is where I think Clementine has found herself again and that’s why she’s more balanced and likable, and there are more references to Lee and her parents.... yeah, I know it’s mostly the writers doing it for fanservice and to make us cry, but I’m choosing to look at it in the narrative rather than with that intention.

Clementine has AJ back, she’s been raising him the best way she can, she’s taught him to use a gun since he needs to protect himself, and Lee taught her when she was little, too. She’s taught him to read, taught him survival techniques she’s picked up, all that. She’s also more playful with him, she smiles more. She’s not a bitter 13-year-old like in ANF. Survival and safety is #1 and her attitude is mostly serious, but she isn’t afraid to tease or be a little silly.

But here’s the deal..... usually when I replay the series, I’ll leave Lee to turn but I’ll have Clementine tell AJ that if she ever gets bit, he’ll shoot her.

“What?” I hear you say. “But... haven’t you been rambling on and on about how murder bad and how leaving Lee was better because she didn’t have to live with the fact that she killed him?? but you want AJ to?? CJ you make no sense!”

I know that, but allow me to elaborate. Remember, this is all my interpretation after years of replaying this series. This is the narrative I find most enjoyable. This is my Clementine and the way I interpret her.

So, Clementine listens to Lee and leaves him to turn into a walker. He tells her that it won’t be him, he’ll be dead and gone, save the bullet. Yeah, yeah, I already covered this. But remember my “what does this do to Clementine?” question?

I swingin’ back to it because I didn’t really answer it directly, now did I? It’s basically followed up with another question: What if Clementine comes to regret leaving Lee instead of shooting him?

She herself even says that maybe she shouldn’t let him turn, and he tells her he doesn’t want her to have to do that. She listened to him, and left him behind to turn into one of the monsters that tore their world apart. She’s lived with the fact that she’s the reason Lee was bitten, that he died.... but there was always another thing that pricked needles into her guilt: Lee’s a walker. He’s going to spend the rest of eternity as a walker handcuffed to a heater. There is the big possibility that no one will ever find him, will never kill this walker version of him.

Was that the right thing to do?

I don’t know about you, but the walker debate is kinda fun to explore, and oh boy, do they try to explore it in TFS.

It’s easy for us to be like “Nope, there is nothing to walkers because they’re dead. Nothing human is left behind. Leaving Lee is fine.”

…but then I have to ask, why did most people shoot him when the episode released? Why do people still pick that option? You don’t want Lee to be a walker, but at the same time, it’s actually fine because nothing about him would be left behind?

Is it because you couldn’t handle seeing him as a walker and didn’t know if the ending would show it or not? It doesn’t, you know that now. Were you afraid he would hurt anyone else? Well, you chained him up. He’s not going anywhere. He’s no longer a threat.

So why do so many people still choose to shoot Lee and insist it’s the right choice even if by this logic, it doesn’t matter if he’s a walker because it’s not him? Save the bullet, don’t put Clementine through that, right?

Maybe you just like the way the tragedy plays out when Clementine shoots him, and that’s perfectly fine. Maybe you don’t believe there’s more to walkers, but still pick this because how can you not? It’s Lee! He can’t become a walker.

Again, I feel you. My reasons for always shooting him in the past were that. It’s Lee, he can’t become a walker. I can’t do that to him. I love him, and that would be wrong.

But that’s the thing... I believe we’re not the only ones having this debate. Clementine is having this internal debate within herself at different points over the series, but it’s especially prominent in TFS.

Lee asked her to leave him, but was that really the right thing to do? He took care of her, saved her life and taught her to survive, and after he was bitten, she left him to turn into a monster. He didn’t deserve that, but his final wish was for her to leave. Should she have shot him anyway, ignoring his wishes? Would that have been worse? Disrespectful? Is it okay to ignore his wish if you think he’s wrong and you think you know what’s best?

What if there is a part of him still inside that walker form? There’s no way to know that. What if she condemned a part of him to cruel fate because she didn’t shoot him? What if he’s truly gone and she’s worrying herself over nothing? What if she had shot him and needed that bullet later, or what if the noise drew attention?

...What about her parents? They were walkers, too... roaming the street together... are they suffering, too? Or are they truly gone?

I believe this is what lead to her decision to tell AJ that if she ever gets bitten, he should shoot her. All of these thoughts and regrets can resurface depending on your choices, like in the dorms at the beginning of ep2.

AJ: You told me your friend Lee became a monster. But you didn't kill him... because he wasn't a threat. Is that why you didn't kill him?

Clementine: He didn't want me to. He said it would change me forever. But I know he...

AJ: He became a monster. Do you wish you did?

Clementine: Yeah.... Every day.

Or, alternatively:

Clementine: How can you ask me that? What you did is completely different.

AJ: I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to make you mad, at all.

Clementine: .....I...I can still hear him. Telling me not to do it.

AJ: I said I'm sorry.

Clementine: ...I still hear it, sometimes.

and yeah, yeah, I know that this isn’t canon for everyone. Reminder that this is my Clementine interpretation and it’ll probably differ from yours, hence why we’re going over these specific choices.

Looking at these responses, Clementine admits that she wishes she had shot Lee, that even though he told her that it would change her and she shouldn’t have to... she still left him to die alone and change. Maybe she doesn’t even fully understand WHY he asked her to do that... why didn’t he ask her to shoot him? Did he think she couldn’t? Even though he kept telling her that she had it in her to defend herself? Wasn’t he scared of what would happen afterward? What if Lee was so sick and out of it due to the bite that he wasn’t thinking right?

Again, all these kinds of questions could possibly run through her mind, which in turn affects her choice with AJ. She doesn’t want him to go through what she did, to regret letting her turn into another monster. It’ll change him to shoot her, but it’ll also change him to let her turn.... maybe shooting her is the lesser of two evils.

The thing about Clementine is that she’s not a perfect teacher, she doesn’t have all the answers, and all of her experiences reflect in the choices she makes with AJ. She’s trying her best. She loves AJ, he’s her family and she wants what’s best for him. She wants him to be strong, to be a better survivor who can take care of himself if something ever happened to her. But, she’s doesn’t know everything, and she forgets that yeah, AJ’s a kid... and so is she. She’s not some thirty something who has all this world experience and can always make logical decisions in every situation, and neither was Lee.

AJ sees this towards the end of the season when he starts questioning her.

AJ: I always listened to Clem. Always. But...I've been thinking more. I don't know if she's right every time.

So while she truly believes that this is the best thing... she also won’t take AJ himself into account. Well, she does but she fails to ask him what he wants, what he thinks, and when he starts questioning her, she becomes defensive and makes him promise that he’ll shoot her even though he’s saying he doesn’t want to.

Which leads me to two particular scenes that I think reopen the wounds and reaffirm Clementine’s thoughts and fears. We’ll start with the obvious one: James.

I know it’s easy to just call James and his dumb walkers crazy, that walkers aren’t people, yada yada. But for fun, let’s indulge him for a moment. James is a fascinating character study with the way he’s come to view walkers, and he eventually shares these beliefs with Clementine when she asks him for help, and when you leave Lee to turn, you get this conversation:

James: They used them as a weapon. I do this...to protect them. I know it sounds strange. But that's why I brought you here. To see them as I do. As people.

Clementine: As...people?

James: Well, not people, exactly. But... Something in between. Part of us is still in there. Deep down. So few of us die anymore. We turn. Not dead, not alive.

Clementine: God, I hope that's not true. That sounds like Hell.

James: To you, maybe. I think it seems...peaceful.

AJ: Do you really think there's people inside of monsters?

James: Somewhere, yes. Think about it this way... Has someone you cared about turned?

Clementine doesn’t respond.

AJ: Clem's friend, Lee. She let him... but wishes she didn’t.

James: Do you really think...there's nothing left of who he was?

Here’s where my Clementine will remain silent, as you can either agree or disagree with him which doesn’t feel right for her, in this case. Though a little annoying that James takes your silence personally and won’t talk about Charlie later BUT that’s a topic for another ramble.

Anyway, Clementine doesn’t want to think about this. She’s thought about it enough, let it eat away at her longer than she should’ve, and now James is here asking her if she truly believes there’s nothing left inside the walker Lee became? She doesn’t have time to reflect on this, she has to get James’ help to save her friends.

However, I believe this conversation stuck with her, and that’s why she gets more defensive when AJ brings up the idea that if Clem gets bit, then she should bite him, too. Like.... No, absolutely not, AJ. That’s not what we agreed on to do if she gets bit. He’ll shoot her.

Clementine: AJ, we've talked about this. A lot. If I get bit, you know what has to happen.

AJ: I don't want to talk about this anymore.

Clementine: But you brought it up, so we're going to.

AJ: It does something weird to my stomach. Like I'm gonna get the dookies.

Clementine: AJ, I need to know you remember what we talked about. What you're supposed to do if it happens. Listen to me. If I get bit, you'll...?

AJ doesn’t respond.

Clementine: Shoot--

AJ: No! No, I'm not gonna do that.

Clementine: AJ, you promised.

AJ: I don't care. I'm not gonna shoot you! If you get bit, I'd want you to bite me, too.

Clementine: What? You don't mean that.

AJ: I don't want to be alone. Please don't be mad. I can't live with you not with me, Clem. I know we've talked about it. So much. But don't make me.

And like.... here’s an interesting thing if Clementine doubles down on this:

Clementine: Alvin Junior, if you have a gun, you shoot me. If you don't, you use your knife. No knife, a rock to the head. As many times as you have to.

AJ: I said I don't wanna!

Clementine: I don't care what you said. You will do it.

AJ: I don't care what you say!

Clementine: Goddamn it, AJ! You can't break promises.

Like jesus. She is once again so blinded by what she believes is right and what is the best option for AJ that she’s not even thinking about the fact that she’s telling him that yeah, if you have no other options, bash my face in with a rock! Holy shit, Clementine! She isn’t understanding a big thing here, the thing that factored into why Lee told her to leave him.

Of course, there are less harsh responses but I find that one particularly interesting.

Now, lemme explore the other scene: Abel.

So, the beginning of ep3 has Clementine and AJ talking to a tied up Abel about where the raiders took our friends. But it doesn’t take long before Abel starts spitting up blood and panicking that something’s wrong.

Abel: Shit... I never wanted things to end like this. Everything...it all got out of hand. Now look at me. I'm a fucking mess.

AJ: Will he turn?

Abel: No! ...My...my whole life, everything I ever got, I got with my own two hands and...and my will. For my body to turn on me...to take control... I'll tell you where to find Lilly. Just promise you won't let me turn. I'm begging you.

Look, I hate Abel, he sucks..... but I also really like him as an antagonistic character and what they did with him here.

So, we have Abel here begging for them to make sure he doesn’t turn... because Abel believes that letting some turn is cruel, he’ll even admit that he believes there are people inside of walkers and that’s why you put a bullet in them, no one deserves to be a walker.

Abel: You wouldn't do it...you wouldn't let me become...one of those things. What if they...what if they can feel it...when they turn?!

And after he gives you the info-

Abel: You got what you wanted. Please, don't let me become one of those things. Please... I don't want to turn...

Do keep in mind that this happens before the James scene, too. Clementine’s already got this on her mind when she meets up with him and the barn scene plays out.... but this whole thing with Abel is a lot. You can be cruel and torture him or you can play nice, or you can do a bit of both.

And by the way, if you let him turn, it reeeally fucks with AJ. So that’s fun.

Now not only is Clementine trying to work out a plan to get her friends back and trying to protect AJ and all that, but she’s also dealing with these thoughts and ideas presented by Abel and James..... and like, yeah I know the Lee dream sequence was intended for fanservice and to make us cry.... but I dunno, kinda funny timing that she would have a dream about Lee that night after going through both of those events in the same day as well as doing prep to infiltrate the boat.

While I love the dream sequence and this interpretation I’m talking about probably wasn’t all that intentional given that this would've been the perfect moment to explore or even hint at it but they don’t.... but it’s fine, it’s perfectly logical that she’s more worried about her friends who are still alive rather than if she did the right thing with Lee.

I think it’s time I move onto the actual bitten Clementine stuff before this turns into a novel sooo.... Clementine gets bit after she and AJ get separated from Louis/Violet/Tenn. She’s bitten on her wounded leg, and after all the chaos of getting away from walkers and climbing up to safety... Clementine just lies there for a bit.

And you can feel it, y’know? She and AJ knew what happened, but Clementine still has to confirm it... and when she pulls away part of her boot to reveal the bite... she lets out a deep breath and says she got bit..... but they gotta keep moving forward. No time, gotta get up, gotta keep moving, gotta get AJ to safety. Nothing else matters.

So they walk. They walk until it’s morning and Clementine starts to look awful... and I think most of us took this opportunity to tell AJ she loves him.

Then all hell breaks loose, they’re surrounded by walkers and have to hide out in James’ walker barn, but Clementine’s too weak to fight. This is when the game starts to have us take control of AJ, switching us between the two as Clementine shoots walkers and AJ shuts the doors.

Until Clementine runs out of ammo.

The walkers are locked out, they’re catching their breath... and now they have a whole new problem to deal with. Clementine’s bitten, and AJ, similar to how little Clementine was, tells Clementine she needs to try to get up and leave with him.

Clementine: Good job, AJ. You did it.

AJ: Now what?

Clementine: You need to find a way out of here.

AJ: We can climb up there. The monsters can't reach us up there. Let's go. Easy climb. C'mon. Please...try. You can't give up! You can't give up! I need you! I need you...

She can’t get up.

Clementine: I'm so sorry, kiddo. This is just what happens sometimes.

AJ: But...but it wasn't supposed to happen to you!

Sigh.... now here it is. This is another big moment in Clementine’s character that changes everything. It’s that moment at McCarroll Ranch again- it all hits her at once.

Clementine: I need to make sure you remember.

AJ: Remember what?

Clementine: The rules. What's number one?

AJ: Never...never go alone. So...so I can't leave. Not without you.

Clementine: AJ...

AJ: It's your rule!

Clementine: You won't be alone. Not for long. Get back to the school.

AJ: I don't know how.

Clementine: Sure you do. One of the first things I ever taught you. You need to make sure they can't smell you. So... grab that axe.

She’s dying, she’s going to die and leave AJ behind.

Clementine: Next rule: what do we do when the monsters come?

AJ: Clem...

Clementine: AJ...

AJ: Shoot them in the head.

Clementine: Got any more ammo?

AJ: There isn't any more.

Clementine: Okay, then. Fuck. And...the last rule?

AJ: I want to stay. With you. I know what will happen. And...and I don't care. I don't want to go. I just want to sit next to you and...and stay. Like that monster couple, from the train station. No one would hurt us. Just...sitting. Forever.

Clementine: I don't want you to leave, either.

AJ: Then don't make me!

Clementine: But it's not about what I want. It's about what you need. And you need to go.

AJ: Okay, Clem. Okay.

Clementine: Last rule.

AJ: No...

Clementine: What do we do if I get bit? ....Are you gonna make me say it?

And this is Clementine truly realizes, understands for the first time why Lee made the choice he did... why he asked her to leave him.

Clementine: Just leave.

AJ: I can't let you turn into a monster.

Clementine: You have to.

AJ: But before, you said...

Clementine: I know. But now that we're here... My heart is saying something else.

She finally gets it.

When Lee said she’s in his shoes now...? She IS in his shoes finally understanding a part of their situation years ago that she never could. For years, she questioned how he could ask her to leave him, WHY he did. She questioned if she did the right thing, regretted listening to him.... but now that they’re here and she’s presented with the same choice Lee was... she understands why her reasons for asking AJ to shoot her if she gets bitten were skewed, that what she thought was preventively protecting him from more hurt was only doing more damage. He’s already taken a life, and just like Lee said, he’s losing a part of himself every time he does it, and if she told him to shoot Lilly, too? and if he shot Tenn?

What is killing Clementine with an axe going to do to AJ?

What is leaving Clementine to become a walker going to do to him?

What is the right thing to do?

Well, for Clementine, her answer is to ask him to leave. She knows she told him differently, but that was when this scenario was merely a “what if?” Now it’s happening and she sees the errors in her thinking, and no matter what happens now, she’s going to die. Maybe she’ll feel it, like Abel said. Maybe James is right and she’ll spend the rest of her undead life alone in this barn. Maybe nothing will happen. It doesn’t matter.

But... we all know, AJ has another solution up his sleeve that Clementine never considered.

He turns to leave her... and then turns back around and disobeys her wishes... and chops off her bitten leg.

And she fucking survives.

Clementine survives her walker bite.

AJ did what little Clementine back in s1 couldn’t do... he didn’t listen to her, and this time, it worked in their favor.

Clementine: When we were in the barn, you didn't listen to me. And if you had...I'd be dead. You'll have to be strong for the both of us.

AJ: You made it so I can. So...thank you. For everything.

Clementine: You're welcome. For everything.

Clementine still has a lot of things to work though, especially now that she only has one leg. She can’t move around the way she could before, she has to completely relearn how to walk on crutches, possibly a peg leg. She gets to sit down and breathe, rely on others and do some reflection on who she is and come to terms with all the pain she suffered, and grow from there.

Now that she understands why Lee did what he did, she can take a step in the right direction of forgiving herself, to atone for all the mistakes she’s made and the people she’s hurt.

She has a boyfriend/girlfriend/friends there at her side to listen and love her, she has AJ, she has her lovable pupper Rosie, and she has a home... for the first time since she was little, she has a home and she can find herself again. Keep movin’ forward.

This is my favorite line of choices, my favorite way to interpret the connection between Lee and Clementine’s scenes, and how I view Clementine’s growth and understanding as a character in TFS. There are so many ways for it all to play out, no Clementine is the same between players, and I dunno I just... I find the whole thing so compelling.

Clementine is such a fun character to discuss, to compare interpretations of, and I’m sorry for such a long post but this is another thing I’ve wanted to throw out there for a while. Now that I’m done, I’m gonna go make some tea and chill out.

#twdg #twdg clementine #twdg lee #twdg aj #twdg kenny #twdg javi #long post #twdg james #twdg abel

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