#me and my massive anxiety?

[ayakashibackstreet]

(dabs) I did way better in class today, also we finished ten minutes early because we go through the material way too fast when it's just me

#'the Japanese group' oh you mean me? #me and me alone? #me and my massive anxiety? #wait until my buds from the Chinese group hear about this #or until one of my (ex? I guess) classmates who's retaking her Spanish class this year and has a group of 15 people hears about this #they'll laugh at me so hard probably (affectionate) #anyways my next class is at 13:15 #So I gotta leave home at around 12:45 #so I have about 40 minutes to go #I'll go make myself some sandwiches #I was struggling a bit with the kanji #as per usual #since the texts got a bit more challenging and all #(this unit's are especially painful for some reason) #but the teacher said it's fine #and that I didn't do much worse than an average Japanese person out of the education system for quite some time would do #I'll choose to find this encouraging #since I think I always hold myself up to somewhat unrealistic standards #(<- he'll still hold himself to those standards since he doesn't know how to function otherwise)

[teddybeartoji]

i'm kind of obsessed with the idea of gojo never driving. like ever. he knows how to drive, he just doesn't like it. he LOVES being the passenger princess and he LOVES taking the public transport.

suguru and shoko both drive (they both also have very sexy cars. like some older cars yk... hear me out shoko with some kind of a convertible?? smoking as her hair flows in the air?? very hot i would say...). sugu and shoko keep complaining about the music he plays but they let him be the dj every single time anyway. satoru doesn't mind sitting in the back either btw. by passenger princess i guess i just meant that he loves to be in the car with his friends lmao. whenever he sits in the back – he's having a party on his own. he has snacks (which he always shares. sugu and shoko just need to open their mouths and satoru is feeding them immediately. they don't even have to ask for it. he sometimes whines about them eating a lot but he still feeds them without a second thought) and he's just loving life back there. he's staring out of the window, slipping from one side of the car to the other and pointing out just about everything he sees. kind of like a child but yk, it's sweet. sometimes he falls asleep in the weirdest fucking positions possible and then wakes up with a terrible neck pain and pouts when his friends laugh at him.

when he's sitting in the front... he's doing all of the same fucking things who am i kidding. he's eating, he's singing, he's pressing his face right against the window and earning a flick to his head for it. also he's fucking AWFUL with maps. idk that just feels right. never ask him any kind of directions bc you'll just get even more lost than you were before; so the only thing satoru is forbidden to in the car is being the gps. actually i kind of have a feeling that shoko isn't that great at it either lmao.... imagine suguru is just sighing loudly before yanking the map from their hands (fuck technology ig) and figuring out where they are on his own while the two of them just laugh their hearts out wahh i love them so fucking much

he looooves the public transport okay. he loves the little rush he gets when he's almost late to the bus; heaving and panting as he barely makes it with a stupid smile on his face. he also loves to blame the subway for being late, it's literally his favourite excuse and whenever somebody tells him to either get a car or idk take the earlier one – he just says that it's boring. because it is!!!! to him it is. he likes to try and enjoy the small things in life and the public transport is sometimes one of those things. he observes everything, he sees everything and he loves telling people about his adventures. the old lady with the rat, the guy with the hair, the man who was naked? yeah, it's all so exciting to him. honestly, i can't really think of anything about the public transport that make him upset in any way. maybe this is a reach but he's just curious little guy okay... he likes to experience new things and whatever might happen on a bus or a tram or a subway is just one of those new things okay.... let him do his thing..... OKAYY anyway i love this man so so so much<333 thank you for listening to my ramble i love you all mwah mwah

#GUYS DO YOU SEE MY VISION #sometimes i think i might be projecting onto him a little too much so yk.... #just tell me if it's too crazy #i also don't like to drive btw if that wasn't clear enough lmao #and i like the public transport on days where my anxiety isn't being a massive bitch #i think it's fun and you just get to see so many Things #it's exciting #hihihi anywayy #sugu and shoko have sexy cars CANONNNN #bc i said so #hihihihi #thanks for reading my lovelies #angel boy #mickey is daydreaming #gojo satoru #gojo satoru headcanons #gojo satoru hcs #jjk headcanons #jjk gojo

[keshetchai]

As someone who enjoys religion blogging/discussions, I've come to realize that it's a good practice to be aware of the general signs/symptoms of religious-OCD thinking (aka scrupulosity), because if the conversation is taking on all the hallmarks of scrupulosity, it's actually a definitive sign that we cannot meaningfully and compassionately engage in a conversation about religion in a healthy way. I've actually had this play out a significant number of times online, and when I realized what it was, I also began to realize that the intrusive thoughts/obsessive and compulsive thinking are only ever fed by continuing the discussion with that person.

[[ Important edit to clarify why I am saying it's not healthy — made after I went back to look for more concrete facts about OCD or anxiety (I have GAD, not OCD, but many resources overlap since they're both anxiety disorders):

When Reassurance is Harmful — this explains how/why reassurance-seeking specifically about an OCD fear is a compulsive behavior, and engaging with reassurance-seeking interferes with recovery/management/treatment.

This table from the Anxiety Disorders Center lists key differences between Information Seeking and Reassurance Seeking.

This IOCDF page on Scrupulosity info for Faith Leaders identifies "symptom accommodation" as enabling. Two of the examples of doing this by participating in the OCD behavior are: "Engage in excessive conversation focused on if-then scenarios (e.g., "If I did this, then would X or Y happen? And what if Z was involved? How about W?")" And, "Repeatedly answering questions about ‘correct’ religious or faith practices."

That page also goes on to outline more info about reassurance seeking. "Although providing answers to (often simple!) questions may seem harmless, providing reassurance serves to maintain the anxiety disorder cycle." (This BMC psychiatry article cites a lot of related studies establishing this.)

The IOCDF page on What is OCD and Scrupulosity? ]]

Imo, the responsible thing to do is to recognize that (even if the other person hasn't outright stated it/isn't diagnosed)* the conversation is not about religion, it is about needing mental health support from professionals and experts. Talking to me, the layperson who enjoys chatting theology and my religion — is not only not helping, but is actively harmful. I'm not just talking about the person who I replied to today, either. Like I've said, I've seen this happen dozens of times in various online forums.

*[while I am against diagnosing strangers on the internet, it's important to realize A) lots of people don't know what Scrupulosity is, so it's possible they've never considered this is a mental health concern that could be treated, and that B) for the purposes of my concern, it doesn't matter if they actually have diagnosed OCD. The only thing that matters is that their thought-process causes them genuine distress/fear, and every response given to them seems to only incite new/additional distressing questions/thoughts, or further entrenches the original distress.]

Ultimately, any discussion aside from "you might want to speak to a mental health professional about scrupulosity OCD" seemingly puts me in the position of feeling as if I am being used for their self-harm. I hate that feeling. I do not want to be leverage for fear and pain. I have GAD, I despise the idea that I am making things worse.

No matter how much I love religious discussion, the answer in these cases is always "please reach out to an OCD specialist/mental health professional. I am not qualified to discuss this." And then to stop there. I have never once seen anyone stuck in this compulsive thought spiral be reassured or feel any better by hearing from someone else's approach to theology handled with things like empathy, compassion, logic, or even atheism. It doesn't matter what we say, how we say it, or how we relate to our own religion. The urge to engage in this kind of conversation in order to chat about religion is a sign that we are not equipped to help.

You can't have a conversation here, because intentionally or not, ten times out of ten, you are adding fuel to the fire. Just like people can't simply tell me something that would erase/talk me out of my ADHD/depression/anxiety disorder, you also cannot simply argue/reassure/persuade people out of scrupulosity. We should not try. We have a responsibility to consider that it's outright harmful to do so, and to disengage.

#this is a massive pet peeve of mine #im not mad at the people who responded about religion and religious thinking bc it took me time to realize what this was too #like im sure i used to view these kinds of questions in a more...idk flippant light when i was a teenager and maybe even in my 20's #as i became more educated about my own mental health though i started to realize the pattern in these fears #and like many of you i probably originally started replying to people with scrupulosity or similar religious anxieties genuinely #not realizing at first that replying to their fears or questions was inevitable harmful #not realizing that hey actually this is far above my paygrade #ocd/obsessive thinking and anxiety spirals can be crippling life ruining and immensely painful #and unfortunately my love of theological discussions sometimes tripped me RIGHT into what was essentially self-harm #so im not mad at other people for also making that mistake - but i am asking everyone to think about this actively #its too easy to leap in without considering if the discussion is healthy to have for our discussion partner #its definitely too easy to contribute to the pain and fear while only meaning to genuinely help what is misunderstood as a mere “worry” #bc these arent just small fears or worries but thoughts that are causing them immense pain

[eeveekitti]

i'm a little kid, and so are you don't you go and grow up before i do

#rain world #rw hunter #hunter rw #rw survivor #survivor rw #rw monk #monk rw #rw honeystickfam #lyrics from turning out by ajr #telling myself im allowed to like this family #telling myself that im allowed to find comfort in them #telling myself that im allowed to give them a name to refer to them by #and that its not problematic to give them a name even though names are usually reserved for ships #i had a MASSIVE anxiety spike regarding just wanting to call them as a family honeystick #since it got mistaken for a ship #theyre the honeystick family and i love them and i hope people are okay with them having a name #think of it like a last name #hunter honeystick survivor honeystick monk honeystick #the name is honestly more for me and my interpretation of them but honestly itd make me feel so much better seeing other people use it too #anyway tag ramble over

[satans-knitwear]

These fishnets make me look blurry?? Nice✨

Treat me ~ Tip me

#My butt is an optical illusion now ✨ #Fishnet Friday #Fishnets #Alt pinup #Pinup girl #Satans knitwear #Any tips or treats are always massively appreciated 💕 #Treat (lingerie wishlist) me (amazon wishlist) ~ Tip (pypl) me (cshpp) #Busy day tomorrow!!! Seeing extended family i think as well as animal shelter shift!! #High anxiety but both are activities that should be beneficial #I hope your weekend is as wonderful as you are my loves ✨💕 #Pretty lingerie #Corset lacing #Underbust corset #🍑 is served. #🍑 take a bite. #bi girl #uk girl #cheeky #wlw

[buck-yyyy]

you know what, things may be kinda bad in my head right now, but at least i’m not fourteen anymore

#no hate to my fourteen year olds #any* #but it was a Bad Time for me #couldn’t go out in public without having horrible anxiety #had like two friends and one of them was a massive dickwad #and also just. freshman year is rough

[galaxythreads]

me in the past, a fool: wow, selective mutism is sooooo easy to write about. weird, considering i usually need to do more research on a disorder like this when i don't have it

me, now: oh

#me as person #anyway so the criteria is different than just “child/person never speaks period” hence /selective/ mutism #which i do have problems with #the not talking ever #but like uh #apparently being so anxious to talk that you avoid social situation to the point it impairs you is a massively common symptom of this #like you avoid it /solely/ so you don't have to talk to anyone #i'm doing amazing actually #no issues here #the social anxiety has not at all effected my ability to communicate or form meaningful connections #or function outside of the house #or take care of myself

[n0brainjustvibes]

[gesturing wildly] i swear i'm not a taravangian kinnie because of the hospital murders thing i swear. no no it's about having two really shitty paths. when your perspective swings so wildly overnight that your chosen path seems wildly morally reprehensible, but you've sunk your costs to the point that backing out would be worse. when you can't trust yourself (now), so you have no better option than trusting your past self blindly. it all swings back around, right? helpless between two extremes. it's about two shitty choices.

#taravangian #curse? anxiety disorder? close enough! #i don't kin him per se but he resonated with me #it's about actions and consequences and guilt and responsibility and the paradoxes that come from not trusting yourself #also he's massively a consequentialist and while i don't know enough about philosophy yet to throw my hat in with anything #i do lean towards judging morality by real-world outcomes #stormlight archive

[mariemariemaria]

Does anybody else feel like mental health awareness has done very little to help them in material reality

#i was gonna say done nothing to help but that seemed too harsh #like there definitely is more knowledge about it now. maybe more people feel comfortable speaking about it which is good #but personally i don't feel that. like idk. workplaces will post about mental health awareness and then do nothing to help employees #the same w universities. my uni cut back the already meager mental health support #and then the government is doing absolutely fuck all as well #like idk im just back in a place i thought id gotten out of long ago and i still don't feel comfortable talking about it with people #maybe that's a me problem or maybe it's cultural or something idk. but in the 10 years ive been depressed (🫠) i don't think it's gotten a #whole lot better. teenagers are still dealing with the same shit i did and they're still not being taken seriously #women's mental health is not even spoken about.....anxiety depression sh eds etc are still ignored or seen as hysterical behaviour in women #or just normal esp with disordered eating. society hasn't changed people still want women to be stick thin and weak #like i know 10 years is a short time and there has been massive improvements in mh awareness if we look back over the past 50+ years #but idk i just think that it hasn't gotten better for a lot of people #i think specifically of belfast and like god. the amount of trauma there is the amount of homelessness the amount of substance abuse #drug abuse in particular that has gotten visibly worse over the past decade or so* #and i connect the dots n see the 2008 recession + a tory gov defunding the nhs + dehumanisation of homeless people & addicts + the troubles #+ ptsd + generational trauma + a negative peace + classism + paramilitary drug dealers + parties linked to those paramilitaries #and its like hmmmm i think we live in a society. and a mental health approach based on individual actions like journaling and meditation #isn't the way to go. or at least is not the be all and end all which is what a lot of mental health awareness raising seems to promote #*visibly worse on the streets. it was always a problem ofc but even a decade ago my parents never imagined it would be as bad as it is now #and it's become so normalised. i do think there's less individualism here than there seems to be elsewhere which can be good and can be bad #but i think we are becoming more and more individualistic. slowly. there's still a sense of community here but i do think it's changing #and callousness towards homeless people is one of the most obvious examples of this. #love when i put a wee asterisk in the tags of a post. like i have A Lot To Say lol

[strangefable]

today is going to be insane. it's huge. it's important. it's necessary.

but my anxiety is telling me i'm not gonna make it out alive 🫠

crossing my fingers that i have lots of wips to catch up on tonight, after it's over. that's what's keeping me going rn <3

#love to all y'all <3 #please tag me in all the things today <3 <3 #if i come out the other side i'm going to be so so much better #i'm terrified but at the same time i'm so ready for the results #sorry to vague but it's personal and... weird to explain #but it is a massive step that i've needed for a long time #and right now it's the holding my breath and clawing through anxiety before it starts #that will hopefully eventually lead to a massive sigh of relief and a brighter future #so i'm going insane and rambling vaguely #ajslgdjlgjlsgjls

[masquenoire]

Roman's not much of a gamer but if he were, this would be a pretty accurate representation of what he'd be into.

#💀 || musings #!shitposting #Still doing those two truths and a lie memes! #Got a few done and stashed in drafts until more of them are done so I can release batches #I got quite a few which I appreciate a lot so I have plenty to be occupied with this weekend while I ease back into writing! #Thank you all for being so patient with me it's nice to be back on Roman again now I'm over my slump #Curated dashboard some also to reduce anxiety #This video though god #Roman's not much of a gamer because why would he be doing this in a game when he could be doing it for real? #So much more satisfying #Bit of a silly before I cook dinner #Family is getting pork belly with egg chips and plum tomatoes while I'm making steak and broccoli teriyaki stirfry #Been on a really good diet which is helping massively with mood and inflammation tons of fruit veggies eggs nuts and stuff #More fish and only occasional red meat

[wizardnuke]

loudly bitching about someone over the phone for 40 minutes straight at work while coworkers sideeye me. sorry. i have never shown this behavior before and itll be another two years before i do it again

#THERAPEUTIC. incredible things happening. #this person. me and this guy both love this person. but Oh my God. #he called to tell me abt something that kind of pissed him off last night and i started talking about a month and a half ago #why are we handholding this grown ass person thru fomo and massive control issues. well. it's not a dealbreaker but i might blow up one day #oscillating between 'yes i love them' and 'i've been pissed for a month and a half' #the horrors of having a interconnected friend group? it's really just two people i would really really hate to lose. others wouldn't be as #affected but those two. i love them. and AGAIN it's not a dealbreaker it's just kind of a buildup of behaviors. anyone remember my bitchy #post about the fomo/anxiety essay #also smaller things like Why are you trying to micromanage two disc servers that you dont have to lift a fucking finger in #um. my beloved irl if you see this. you didn't. i do love her to death. you know i do #the issue is if i put out all my issues they would take it really badly like they would act like it's the end of the fucking world #when i'm just like hey i am not your mother or your therapist and also stop trying to tell me what to fucking do #they would. um. lose it. #and some people are gonna get hit in the crossfire and i don't want to cause that. even tho it. wouldnt really be me.

[lukeskqwalker]

@vampgf tagged me in a picrew game! tysm!! behold: me

i had to press the + button on the nose three times but i got there in the end. ty to djarn for letting me have one large enough (it can be hard to find picrews that let you have a schnoz)

the picrew is here and i am tagginnggggggg uhhhh @colorfulmetaphors @seraphsfire @returnofahsoka and @ihamtmus

no pressure at all to do it, its just for fun :3

#sorry for not tagging more people i have massive anxiety so uh. um. heehimwhimper. #i would have worn a button up but there were no patterns. and lately ive been wearing my green duck sweatshirt to work so. #ty again for tagging me!

[archduke-enver-gortash]

#guess who just had a massive panic attack over that fuckass wound! hint: starts with r and ends with omeo #you know it’s bad when you can’t distract yourself with the blorbos and think to yourself that you should scrap everything you ever posted #lmao #lol even #i swear if the wound doesn’t kill me my anxiety will

[deancaskiss]

me agreeing to go into work on my day off to assist with a spay: what a great learning experience and an opportunity to show my boss im willing to put in the extra effort because I love surgery

me right now at midnight knowing I have to get up in 6 hours on my day off: why did I sign myself up for this when I could’ve been sleeping in and enjoying my day off after an intense week so far????

#me repeating to myself: I love my job I love my job I love my job #of course I am excited to get to be in the OR tomorrow helping with the big dog spay #but oh boy have the last few days been intense #last week I was seeing like 3-5 patients a day #this week I’ve been seeing 8-9 patients per day #which has been a massive shift in workload and stress and anxiety #don’t get me wrong I’m loving every day and enjoying learning and being a doctor #and I’ve loved my patients and meeting clients and people have being saying such nice things about me #but oh boy. I need a day off to reset and relax #begging crying screaming for the weekend to just let my poor brain melt into a puddle #dr sexy’s veterinarian journey #baz’s babbling

[llannasvsp]

"hannah, where are your weekly rambles about lloyd?"

okay no one is asking me that BUT i will say, i've been on a MASSIVE tumblr hiatus because i'm moving to a whole new state in like... two days... and im going to live in that state without my family with me. i am VERY stressed.

maybe i'll be back soon but pls don't hold out hope bc this is a terrifying life change.

#llannas rants #idk how to tag this #someone save me im dying #also my anxiety had ben SO bad recently #college also just started up again so two massive things are happening at the same time and that's TERRIFYING