#maybe im just reading too far into it

[housecow]

Any reactions from friends or family? Do you notice yourself being treated differently or judged as you get bigger?

ooooh i love talking about this.. i haven’t gotten a single reaction from family or friends!! and i’m 20lbs past my previous heaviest, so… haha i’m honestly just very lucky, they’ve never commented much on my body or anything?? as a teen i think it was painfully obvious how uncomfortable i as with my boobs, so that may be part of why :))

the only comment i got was years ago when my gma just said “300 comes fast” and i could tell she regretted saying anything… ANYWAYS hope she’s right hehe :3

as for being treated differently… certain things are different?? it largely depends on how i present myself, lol. with a cute outfit/hair/makeup or whatever i get treated very well still, but like. a t-shirt and baggy jeans and a chubby round face w minimal makeup bc im on my period?? people sometimes don’t make eye contact lmfao

on the other hand, sometimes there are ppl who treat me VERY well when i’m looking especially chubby/fat and i always kinda wonder…

#ask #talk #i’ve had interesting experiences back to back #but generally if anything i’m finding it easier to navigate social spaces as a fat person #i just feel more confident the bigger i get maybe idk #and i’ve been told im v charismatic >:)) #i get bitches because i talk about fossils and plants too much #OH and if anyone actually reads my tags #my gma was 300lbs+ at one point and has since lost it all and kept it off #my goal is to be the biggest in my family by far

[kokoasci]

every time i post i am reminded that some of my irls follow me on twt/instagram (not here afaik. thank goodness) sorry guys for being way too invested in a manga based on dead authors. i may be cringe but i am free

#i feel like in high school or younger like ok. thats cool and i was the weird art kid in middle school so like ok youre just like that + #and its a phase you go into of making stuff for something you enjoy #but im in college now adulting and doing real life things and im like. is this childish to draw and whatever #i love drawing and stuff so whatever i draw is really just for me to explore a hobby #idk. maybe im reading too far into this i know i shouldnt care about what other people think but these are ppl i look up to and am close wi #also every time my irls have found my art account its been an ACCIDENT when they see me on my phone or something 😭😭😭 that is NOT + #information i give out randomly im way too embarrased for that they do not need to know i go by a whole different persona online very far + #removed from my irl stem student duties

[autistic-beshelar]

ah yes dungeon meshi, the manga where an autistic man gets repeatedly bullied by people he thinks are his friends and not a single person supports him

#dont get me wrong i am enjoying this manga #but i'm failing to see how this is some great amazing autistic rep #like yeah laios is obviously autistic #and the struggles he has due to his autism are VERY relatable #but it's deeply uncomfortable that even the people closest to him are routinely awful to him #specifically for his autistic traits #and their bullying is almost always a joke #not a single person defends him #literally senshi is the only character that's never been cruel to him #well and farlyn but lbr she's also autistic and also has been in like half a chapter that ive read so far #maybe ive just not read far enough or not seen enough posts #but im not understanding why the fandom are treating it like amazing autistic rep and how it understands us so well #you could argue that the narrative tends to support laios's methods and way of thinking #but nothing else does #the scene with shuro was fucking awful to read tbh #'you're so annoying because you're autistic. how dare you think im your friend when you should have just guessed that i hated you' #and not a single person defends laios #or calls shuro out on what a fucking horrific way of treating a party member that is #like i dont know MAYBE you could have just said 'hey i don't really want to be friends' #maybe you could COMMUNICATE. #but no it's the autistic man who's the problem. for the crime of.... being too nice. #i don't have a problem with the scene. #i have a problem with the fact that shuro is framed as reasonable here. instead of utterly fucking vile. #i have a problem with none of the other characters sticking up for laios. #dungeon meshi #maybe ppl will start treating him better #i would like to continue reading #but if he continues getting bullied in EVERY fucking chapter as a 'joke' then idk man

[ef-1]

girlhood

#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day #like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year. #when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍 #not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again #and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :) #like everything i do is informed by her #I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her #and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢 #and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again #“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her #growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain #and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when #people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it #but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up- #when people mention it 😍 #last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her) #and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook” #and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one #and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?” #im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her #lol!!!!!!!!!

[m0n1q]

I'll never not find it funny how much Vuzi has exploded in popularity after episode 6 was released, I mean, it's not as popular as compared to Nuzi or Pink lemonade (V x Lizzy)....at least not yet in my opinion. But I do feel like the ship is becoming alot more accepted and loved than it was before episode 6 came out.

And that just shows how gay the two were in that episode bruh /J

I just think that the fandom is finally becoming more nuanced when it comes to ships/ship dynamics

At this point I think I should confess that I haven’t been in the fandom all that long? Like, I watched the first episode when it came out, was amazed!! - then forgot about it until maybe two months ago?

Back to the point- from what I’ve heard, shipping used to be extremely toxic (and still is??) - I think largely due to immaturity from fans. That’s the kind of thing you do when you’re young and I think for a lot of younger teens, Murder Drones was/is baby’s first fandom!

But since it’s been two years since the first episode came out (which is absolutely wild!!!), most of the people who used to be toxic nuzi/envy/etc shippers have finally, or at least somewhat, matured and grown out of that habit!! Which then lead to more open-mindedness and less people being scared to share their opinions!!! -> that in turn leading to little moments like we had in episode 6 to open a lot of peoples eyes to new shipping opportunities!!

And that’s how toxic doomed yuri turned girlfailure x girl loser became more popular😊

#or maybe im just reading too far into it and should shut up!!😁 #murder drones #vuzi #v x uzi

[waterfallofspace]

A Word-Filled Update

that no one's asking forrrr~

Sooooo, hiya~ ^^

Realized I kinda dropped out without much word, and wanted to give a lil update to anyone who may care, (and specifically to all the unfilled requests that have been sat in my inbox for months now T~T)

Dropping it under a cut because it gets quite long~ but I'll also TL;DR it with: been a bit burnt out, trying to get back into this, I apologize for all the unanswered asks, and I will be trying to get to the ones I can, but I'll be focusing more on trying to enjoy the process of making content~ Thank you to anyone who's stuck around <3

(Tw for brief mention of mental health/neurodivergencies~ nothing in depth or dark, but just incase anyone wants to avoid that <3)

Nothing serious has been going on, mostly just burn out and a bit of drama in main friend group, combined with free time just being a lot more limited recently~ (not a bad thing, most of it is because I'm getting to talk more with friends I've gotten closer to this past year~)

That said, I've been trying to get back into content, making it, reblogging it, etc, without letting it become all-consuming. I find, with the way my brain works, mostly to do to some wonderful neurodivergent tendencies, I tend to fall heavily into 'all of nothing' mentality.

This shows up in my day to day life, (ie: can't wash the dishes for weeks until I suddenly do them all in one day) and I've definitely noticed it with content creation. Need to write and finish a story in one go, record a wav as fast as possible, always afraid I'll lose that motivation.

But honestly? I love making content on here! And I'm not a huge blog, nor do I care if I am (at least trying not to, if I'm being painfully honest~) but I genuinely love making content. Whether it's just for me, a request that I am hoping one specific person will enjoy, or a story I write with a community in mind, I just love creating~

So, I'm trying to ease my way back into this! Bit by bit, let it be fun, and enjoyable, with less internal pressure to produce as much as I can, as fast as I can, and make it be perfect.

I won't lie and say 'numbers don't matter to me', if I'm honest, they do. But I'm learning more and more how to let it be about the content, and to just enjoy the process~ (and if people like it, that'll be a wonderful bonus!~)

Wooo this is getting so long, I apologize sincerely! Last thing, something I've mentioned a few times previously but never really let myself get into... requests~

I'm so honoured that people care about my content enough to have asked for things, and getting any ask, request, praise, ask lists, heck even just a 'hi!' is honestly the best part of this blog for me!

Buuuut, I definitely worked myself into burn-out before with a "every request needs to be filled and fast" mentality, that led to just... not filling any.

So! I'm going back through my inbox, and deleting some older ones that I don't have a clear vision/motivation for. I apologize to anyone who requested them, though by now it's possible they're long gone~ But I think this will help me not only start enjoying the creation process without feeling so overwhelmed, but also start actually getting more content made~

There are definitely a bunch that I still adore, and am thrilled to get to test out, but if there's one you remember sending, and you really want to see it completed, please feel free to send another ask saying what it is you want done, and I'll see if I can get that going <3

And if you've stuck it out to the end here- uh hi! ^^ I'm sorry this is so long, I'm such a words person, but I appreciate you so much, not just for any support you've offered, but just bothering to read this <3 I genuinely didn't expect most to make it this far, so thank you so deeply <3 and I hope to see you guys around as I start reblogging stuff more!~

#waterfalltalks #waterfallrambles #more like waterfallparagraphs im so sorry hahaha #been thinking about making this for awhile- but always felt so anxious??? #idk why specifically... maybe cause i cant be short to save my life #or maybe because it feels like ive left it too long?? been promising so much and never fulfilling #but i am gonna try!! not to fulfill everything but- to start enjoying it again #i worry this comes off like i have an ego... i really dont haha~ i dont expect anyone to really interact with my blog or care #it was always meant to be for ME- and i just hoped to create things ID enjoy and that #if anyone else enjoyed it too that i could start giving back to the community thats given me so much content ive adored #anyways this is a LONNNGGG post and so are these tags hahaha~ #using this blog as a journal again i think! but its mine! so okay! im gonna let myself! #gonna add here too that i might be reblogging with shorter tags for a bit- i promise its not cause im not excited!!! #just trying to make it the least overwhelming situation so i can start really getting back into ENJOYING it~ #thank you to anyone who read this far and a huge thank you to all my friends from here and anyone who stuck around <3 #i appreciate and love you all so dearly <333 #not snz

[bigkickguy]

wip - trying to doodle my rarepair on the beach and i can't stop trying to make emo ideas happen so im spitting out here to get it out of my head eustace and isaac could be cute !! just let them have their peace and quiet!! I'm starting to rotating them in my mind !!

#kickdraw #granblue fantasy #isaac gbf #esutace gbf #what do i even call this pairing - who cares im the only one out here on this boat ive seen post so far (join me hahaaaa) #eusaac #istace #??? - no idea lmao #reading isaac's fate ep made me so emo knowing how his parents treated him and grace - im glad he got her out of there cause oooouuuggghhh #anyway hear me out on them (I have almost nothing here yet lmao) #we take the 2 sorta solitary dudes on the team and we shove them together : ) #they barely interact before HSM - but yaknow im having my fun out here rotating them lol #just 2 dudes with their lives dedicated to a mission forced on them from childhood both ending their mission and moving on at the same time #guys who would relate to each other maybe if they ever spoke to each other but are too solitary probably - oops oops #grand zeta fate ep says isaac is now working for society fixing up the weapons and needs to work on ranged weaponry next : ) #eustace is the most stoic dude vs isaac being the most visibly nervous dude in the plotline - anyway i think they should kiss #could probably compare their characters more here but i'll just do it in a separate post sometime lol #edit - I FORGOT im eternally emo over how isaac got his arm eaten lmao #im want to draw 500 references to it cause it was really metal

[deermook]

House is bpd coded i will not be elaborating v

#i WILL be elaborating actually I like to lie #just like. the way that the second he senses abandonment its like a switch flips in him #like ok. cuddy is going to abandon me time to display genuinely concerning behavior #in an attempt to eother drive her away or gove her no choice but to stay out of worry for what he’ll do #unstable relationships marked by dependence and manipulation #relationships few and far between but very intense^ #extreme defense mechanisms to stop from being hurt by extreme tides of feelings #(acting like an asshole and never letting anybody in ever at any time) #dangerous reckless or sexually promiscuous behavior #drug addiction is also common in ppl with bpd but i donnt know if that one actually counts coz u know. his leg #idk hes like. textbook to me maybe im reading too luch into it coz im bpd amd i love house #house can have a little autism/bpd combination as a treat #ugh it really is hatecrimes MD 💔 god hates him #greg house #house md

[todayisafridaynight]

At which point did you realise that the plot of IW is ass? I've seen people complain only about the ending or the halfway point where the teams separate, while I was already actively rolling my eyes like four-five chapters in

i think the moment i fully accepted that IW's story was. Definitely A Story was the moment ebina announced 'bleach japan'. like i think leading up to that point i was thinking to myself 'oh i hope i see X happen' or being like 'i wonder where this is going' and that sort but the proverbial bucket of ice was definitely that moment

#infinite wealth spoilers #snap chats #what reaaaaally hammered it in too if it wasnt obvious already was the execution of the jimas/daigo like that still irks me LMAO #i cant even remember what chapter that happened in i just know when it did i was utterly pissed #i think i started to take things less seriously once bryce entered the picture but thats only because of how distracting his VA was #like much love the JP voice actors who try to speak english and japanese but i just cant act like it's not incredibly distracting #esp when the character is supposed to be white yk what i mean- or at the very least their first language is supposed to be english #typically i can look over that thing if its a one or two time kind of deal but he had to speak in english much longer than others #im just rambling about bryce tho this aint bout him. i mean he could be a part of it the cult was executed really sloppily #it might have been the introduction of bryce actually ... i remember thinking to myself 'oh brother' with the whole messiah thing LMAO #maybe it was when kiryu told us his cancer cam from radiation instead of. smoking 💀 ESPECIALLY not even five chapters in #like straight out the gate you just wanna drop that on us mr I Can Do Everything Myself I Cant Worry Others ok #thats a post for another day tho im EVERYWHERE #POINT IS this is not about Retrospect this is about First Impressions and memory warps over time #but i know for a fact i found the bleach japan thing utterly ridiculous and was squinting at the plot the entire time thereafter #like ive said this a million times at this point but although i love IW for it's gameplay (pardon some nitpicks like lack of shortcuts) #its story really feels so messy and had much to be desired. which is so sad after the wonderful stories rgg has been making since 0.. #BUT OH WELL im still excited to replay it in english. god willing i ever get the time #i still wanna finish lost judgment <- isnt even halfway through the game #and i wanna do a fun stream Maybe with YK2 but ill get into that when i get into that #if youve read this far. thanks LOL id say sorry for the novel but thats what we expect of me at this point

[brightokyolights]

.

#omfg i feel so completely melodramatic for typing this out rn but i have so many feelings and i need to get them out!!! DX #anyways so since just before the sunshine court came out i have yet again gone down an aftg rabbit hole #and what im here to specifically cry about is kevin #when i first read aftg my opinions on the characters were so different to what they were now #i cant completely remember how i felt about kevin. part of me thinks i felt that he was treated way too harshly by the others considering #the trauma he went through but part of me thinks maybe? i didnt care too much for him back then because i was taking the book at face value #and just going with how neil viewed him which is that hes The Best at exy but sort of annoying and harsh and needs to stick for himself more #idk idk but as of recent ive just been having a lot of emotions thinking about him. and especially wymack and him. #like he was just robbed of so much. and hes honestly so brave despite what people may think? hes soso flawed but thats what makes me love #him even more. he's just trying. so hard. to undo everything thats been engrained in him. and i just wanna cry and cry and cry!!! #because hes come so far! and hes amazing. and i wish i could properly express everything thats running through my mind rn but thats all i #got. back to reading fic centering kevin and wymack now 😭 #le text post

[lethalhoopla]

Okay so while everyone's making killer theories and observations about the teasers we have for Dreadwolf on top of piecing together more and more of the lore and imagery from Inquisition and 2 and even Origins, I just needed to put this observation of my own down as well.

So, the final, incomplete, Solas mural in the rotunda, right?

Clearly, the dragon slayed with the sword, and a.... beast, of some sort. I've seen it referred to as a wolf, a dragon in and of itself, and just some representation of the Inquisition itself.... maybe.

But that's always not quite fit for me. It seems odd that Solas, who is beyond skilled at painting and iconography/symbology, would make something so…. hard to parse. And granted- this was clearly roughed out in a rush, to put it lightly. He's left at this point, the mural forever unfinished.

But in Tevinter Nights, it's described specifically (as written by Lukas Kristjanson):

"The eighth and final panel of the fresco, meant to commemorate the battle against the blighted magister Corypheus, was unfinished. It showed only rough shapes, outlines...."

"... The story was well known- the Elder One, the false god Corypheus, had torn a hole in the sky to steal power from the heavens. He couldn't be killed until his blighted dragon was dead, and the Herald, the Inquisitor, had somehow countered with a dragon of their own. And there was a dragon on the panel, with an Inquisition blade in its neck. But according to the story, both creatures had fallen first, leaving the final victory to the Inquisitor.

But here, unfinished, was the outline of a beast that stood over both dragon and sword. This was not the battle, or the victory. This was after. And the beast was not a dragon. The outline alone might have allowed that assumption, but now, filling with black and red, it was something other. The creature was reptilian, but also canine. The snout was blunted and toothy, but edges came to a point in houndlike ears. [.....] revealing scales and tail, and paws with talons. It looked like two figures painted on either side of a pane of glass, then viewed together, their forms confused. A wolf that had absorbed a dragon, and now stood crooked over all."

Now, without getting too deep into spoilers for that short story (I really recommend it, and the rest of Tevinter Nights!), the depiction could be warped by what happens in the story (and is unfolding in that scene). But due to the reason it's warped, what 'colors' it, I think that the depiction is still accurate (it just becomes a bit more Spicy, let's say). I think that what Solas was starting was a creature like that - a wolf, that absorbed a dragon.

Of course, the question then is what that means.

As lore's revealed over the series, dragons aren't just associated with Archdemons, or even with the potential legends of qunari 'origins' (as dragonkin). Dragons are also specifically associated with the Evanuris - from the fact that only those as powerful as might-as-well-be-god mages could shapeshift into dragons, to their personal symbolism, to hints that different archdemons might be connected to each one (their numbers match, for one...)

Was it Solas leaving some hint as to who, what he was, then? The Dreadwolf, but also the Trickster God? Perhaps how despite simply attempting to free/help his people (he speaks of the loyal, steadfast wolf in the game more than once, wise and wonderful), he was elevated to the status of legend and god (dragonhood)? Was it symbolizing the blended might of the Inquisition, both protector Wolf and godlike Dragon? Some blend thereof, or extrapolation beyond?

Fuel for thought, for sure. But beyond that... the silhouette kept reminding me of something.

It took me a little too long to realize - it wasn't until I was idly staring at the Steam startup image for it while waiting for Origin to hurry up and connect that it hit me.

It's.... it's right there on the box/start screen.

It's... way, way closer to the creature Solas had begun to depict than what we've seen in dragon silhouettes in the past. And I get it- even as I write this, I hesitate, because I mean, the whole silhouette included has wings, right?

(sidenote, but major props to whoever designed this piece, the details are so good, including the fade/fireball/comets shooting off the 'wings' to look like support bones for wing webbing)

That's why I hadn't really thought about it before. But when that hit me, I went back to look at dragon silhouettes in previous games, and I mean-

That's the usual Origin one - and yeah, that's.... way more narrow a snout, though of course you're still getting that dragon spine spike along the neck. The neck itself is far more narrow, too, and its teeth more needlelike.

Okay, what about DA2?

Alright, now we've got some framing that is like DAI. (also, more props for the designers, and the silhouettes of Kirkwall friends/foes, hot damn).

But that face - the dragon's face. I keep catching on it. DA has a really great track record of being pretty specific about its silhouettes, symbols, and general representations, at least where it matters.

The dragon-made-by-silhouette in the Inquisition cover art is significantly blunted in its snout, the neck much broader, shortened in horn (or ear), and even the angle of horn (ear??) is different from past dragon iconography.

I dunno. I definitely don't think it's unreasonable to leave it at artistic representation/liberty, it just ended up a bit rounded, whatever. But where I get less inclined to leave it at that is when coming back to this final incomplete mural panel.

... It's all of it. The down-rounded snout, the way the teeth are depicted, the horn-ears, the spikes-that-could-be-fur, the obviously shorter and wider neck, the over-exaggerated sternum bone that strikes as dragon (/reptilian) before you think it could also be wolf rib cage-

It's.... close. Awfully, curiously close. At the very least, the Inquisition splash art feels like it could be the middle step between dragon and this. The splash is dragon, but wolflike - this is wolf, but dragonlike.

........... now, why the heck does this matter? Well, maybe it doesn't to most people, haha. But I'm an imagery and lore-reference obsessed nerd, and Dragon Age really does go hard with it's laid lore and hints of the future. So I can't help but ask-

Is the mural really depicting the Inquisition Defeating Corypheus?

... even the Tevinter Nights story, the way it's phrased casts some murkiness.

"The story was well known...." ".... This was not the battle, or the victory. This was after."

.... With dragons representing the Evanuris, perhaps.... is this instead a note, a hint, left depicting Solas' intent? To slay the dragon, the true dragons, what remains of the Evanuris after he tears down the Veil - because it would not only cause chaos, but also release them from the prison he'd made via the creation of the Veil?

Is the dragon-wolf not the Inquisition, but Solas, or rather - more importantly - Fen'Harel?

The shape of the maw, the way the ears point back, the trailing scruff/magic along the neck 'spine'....

Even the way the rips are traced, and the paw is drawn-

Hmmm.

Hmmmmmmmmm.

... I think it's depicting more than Corypheus' defeat.

But too, there's two other elements that keep rolling around in my mind with all this-

) "... On the mural, all Messere would say is, 'Skyhold is [their] fortress' (meaning of course the Inquisitor). 'These are [their] actions.' "

If these are their actions........ how does the potential for this image to be depicting the downfall of elven gods play into the picture (literally)...?

And thus, the second thought:

2. ) On that very same splash image for Inquisition, the silhouette of the dragon (with hints of wolf) is made via the energy of the Mark coming off the Inquisitor's hand. The dragon-ish creature is of the Inquisitor's making.

The creature is what the Inquisitor has made. Their actions. The mural, a depiction thereof; their choices, their efforts, their impact.

Their impact - a changed Solas... or, perhaps, one all the more committed to his cause. Fen'Harel, or a wolf-dragon hybrid, roaring at a slain dragon, sword of the Inquisition buried deep.

Trespasser, revealing just how much further Solas' network of spies and agents has expanded through the Inquisition. And whether through friendship/love or rivalry/antagonism, Solas coming away from it with his determination redoubled, his mission certain.

Whether it was intended to depict the effect of the Inquisitor on things they don't yet grasp, or their affect on him and his intent to bear out his mission........... I think this mural's about a lot, lot more than just the defeat of Corypheus.

#dragon age #dragon age theories #solas #dragon age inquisition #solas murals #long post #i spent way too long on this but i can't get it out of my head so here it is #a whole essay just to say HEY GUYS I DONT THINK THE MURAL MEANS JUST ONE THING #(i say 8 years fuckin late to the party) #buuuuuut i haven't seen anyone pointing out the dragon-wolf transition exactly so who knows maybe this #is interesting to someone else #and before anyone tries to say that the creature on the splash isn't anything BUT a dragon pls reread what i wrote #i just mean to point out the similarities and the curious transition in how its all depicted #it doesn't feel coincidental is all i mean #i know im reading too far into it lol don't worry #we're all just having fun in the sandbox #i should add - solas absorbed mythal (possibly w ogb essence added depending on your world state) as a direct result of all this so! #wolf absorbed a dragon indeed. and likely he had to make that choice as a direct result of his orb being broken in the final battle… #again- the actions of the inquisitor for better and worse alike

[belphieslilcow]

fuck wait i forgot the last nb event was like a dream thing was it belphie centric fuck

#if i think about it too long i'll get overwhelmed and have a meltdown so i shant #hopefully #but uhh idk for sure cause i Didn;t Log In #i havent properly played in forever cause #im so far behind in terms of the story #like i think im still on asmo's part?? #maybe? #the power creep is just so fucking awful in nightbringer #or whatever the term would be #you need stupid high level cards in every type to even pass the ruri tunes levels #and it's so frustrating cause ruri tunes isn't hard in the slightest especially on normal it's actually frustratingly easy #because of how slow it is #but i have to use so many support items just to literally get a c at the last note #so i can finally read things #and idk it just makes me feel bad that i'm not caught up (it makes him feel like a failure) #so i get into the loop of feeling bad cause im far behind and then i dont play but then i cant make progress and the story continues which #means im even FURTHER behind #ohh i think i got it i think i scrounged in my brain i think i feel left out (has issues with that)

[mudzdale]

i probably won’t be able to make it for every day of @smileformeweek, but definitely wanted to get this idea out! :’D let’s see if i can get away with combining days 1 & 2 (”for me” and “gift”)

i’ve had the thought that while boris is attached to the idea of floristry as a sort of romantic excursion in flower language, etc, FK is a little more used to the business side of creating appealing arrangements for clientele. but at the end of the day, the flowers are all really pretty, so can’t complain!

#sfmweek2022 #gollydraws #smile for me #sfm #boris habit #dr habit #flower kid #im not good with prompts so i wasnt really expecting to get too much out anyways but i'd Really Like To... maybe i can catch up a little #later this month. just 2 say i did #anyways boris' bouquet is a biiig layered bunch of friendly affection; apology; i wish the best for you; you are wonderful to me etc #fk's bouquet is just an orange-themed arrangement but to boris it reads: i want to know you better; goodbye; let me go; justice; i love you; #i adore you; i'm walking on air; a battle has occurred. maybe not too far off the mark of reality ?

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

feeling weird mixed feelings atm and I can't really logic them away, ig? on the one hand I'm completely apathetic about it. on the other hand there's a part of me that's absolutely horrified that I could do something like that. the fact that it's still a consistent low-level pain the whole time also doesn't help. anyway those kinds of thoughts are then making me want to harm again to cope with them but also a) it's manageable and b) I currently have a deep horror of self-inflicted pain after the last few days apparently.

#more specific blatherings in the tags so im gonna get them below the read more in case anyone doesn't want to read it #tw sh #because yes this is about the last few days and im gonna add a few more words to get the rest below the read more #the fact that while they aren't as deep as i've ever gone before they are unquestionably in volume far exceeding any #before. not that i count at the time or anything but there are at least sixty new cuts from the last week so no wonder it's painful #but yeah it's just. an interesting emotional feeling once the pressure that triggered them is gone #i don't know i don't understand myself really #glad i have a psych appointment monday really #if i didn't have one booked i'd probably be booking one about now #also bothered by how visible the ones on my wrist are going to be. #hopefully the redness will go away soon bc i don't think they're quite healed yet #teatree oil is helping tho so hopefully they won't be TOO obvious #the location means that yeah they will be visible but hopefully not too too much #and after all i have only for-sure hit the fat layer twice. maybe a few other times. there are a couple taking ages to heal atm #so they might've idk. and i haven't gone any deeper than that #honestly with the wrist ones the fact is that it was blunt and i couldn't #sharpen it at hte time. perhaps tmi but yeah this may have saved my life and or my hand function #but i might be overstating it. anyway apparently that was three weeks and one day ago?? wow #guys that entire day i was convinced i wasn't going to live to see the morning. the WHOLE DAY #i literally have a commie newspaper on my desk currently because they tried selling it at uni and i was so existential i was just like. #'what is life. what is money. who cares' and bought it. see this is the funny story i referred to. i can elaborate #personal #puddleglum hours #tw suicide

[queer-pagan-witch]

One day I will learn, that just because the bottle is low, does not mean I need to finish off the bottle.

#imma be so fuckin hungover tomorrow #someone should kiss me #and i moght be either asexual or aromantic or both which like woo thats funny to only me for so many trauma reasons #i love #im so drunk #i too drunk #i stated typing thos at 12:30 #imma smoke pot after i post this #if your reqding my tags hi i love you. why are you reading this though like im a schizo bipolar depreased trans girl im unhinged in the tags #i need to stop drinking by myself #if think im an alcoholic as well if it wasnt for the fact that i can genuinely stop when ever i want but idkmaybe that changes? #at this point im just typing to annoy myself cause i think its funny to annoy other people and itd be hypothetical to not annoy myself #im ramblimg in the tags and honestly its your fault for still reading this #trans thought time #i wish i was born with a pussy but i do like having a cock and there is a possibility im genderfluid and fuck me that sucks if true #like how do you transition if your genderfluid? like i kinda want a cock and pussy and i know thats an actual option #but is it the right option? #i hate being trans but not knowing what kinda trans maybe ill hit where im at with my gender and just say tranny #cause i already say faggot for my sexuality instead of anything specific maybe i should just say tranny #this is probably what a therapist is for but idk if i can justify paying for this instead of saving money to buy a hoise #america sucks #capitalism sucks #love is such a bullshit thing #how can i be in love with some ane be in love with someone. being in love is nothing but selfish but also you have to be selfish for youryou #like i know that doesn't make sense sense but it makes sense to me and i also know its wrong #maybe i should give up and spend money on a therapist #i love my freinds and would sacrifice myself for them literally #12:51 and i have one more short tag to add #i hope you didnt read this far cause even in a drunk state this tag is embarrassing and im sorry you know me irl im sorry this is rambly+ugh #but if you dead read all the tags <3 i love yoh and would die for you

[crescentfool]

doing things outside of your usual is such a humbling experience...

#lizzy speaks #to those who are curious what prompted this: my friend and i are collaborating on a video essay together #we picked it back up a week and a half ago after it laid in limbo for a month or two #and we're currently in the phase of editing it together (scripting + recording the VO is done) #and MAN. my respect for people who work on scripted/informative content just shot up through the ROOF #most of my experience with editing comes from footage first and then edit down approach (rather than creating/gathering visuals to uplift- #a written script) and it's. well. they engage with very different skillsets i think #my friend who i am collaborating with is very amused at me because this is not her first rodeo. meanwhile me as a first-timer. #i am telling her about how i am losing my mind over my editing timeline having gaps of footage because i couldn't think of anything to put #for certain portions (or i just didnt feel like looking through preexisting footage on the internet and dl-ing it) #and she compared it to 'telling a kid whos going thru puberty that its normal' EKLHFGLHH #im ngl the way i have spent like maybe 10 hours today off and on looking up footage and fact checking the splat artbook is so. explodes #it makes sifting through an 11 hour batch of footage of me playing big run sound like a cakewalk in comparison LMAOO #anyway if you read this far thank you :D i hope that in 2024 i can continue to be humbled in trying new things #and i highly encourage others 2 do so too! try a new method of approaching something or do smthn slightly adjacent to what you do! #tis a good learning experience and also makes u very appreciative of the things that are out there methinks #im literally only editing an 11 minute segment or so idfk how people make those 1+ hr video essays LIKE HELLO??? ESP IF ITS LICENSED MEDIA #HOW DO U GET ALL THE FOOTAGE FOR THAT. U MUST BE REALLY HYPERFIXATED AND DEDICATED TO THAT. DAMN. anyway. have a good 2023 everyone!