#maybe if this gets popular enough I’ll write a goofy one shot thing | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hanniiesuckle17 · 4 years

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Anything But Normal

A/n: this was such cute Idea I hope I did it justice. It’s been a while since I’ve written a comedy piece. There are probably spelling errors I’ll go back and fix them later. also I love Jon Favreau as Happy so I had to put him in. (i swear he is one of my favorite actors) btw this is not edited (i’ll come back and do that eventually)

Requested by: @tokiokiedokie

Warnings: Cussing,(come on it's me guys), partial nudity.

Member: Han Jisung

Summary: When Y/n’s best friend goes through a drastic change he starts keeping secrets. Secrets that include him being New York’s one and only friendly neighborhood spiderman. Shit hits the fan when his new secret life is exposed and she gets dragged into it.

Genre: Spiderman!au, romance, comedy, friends to lovers!au, little bit of angst

There are only three things that truly matter in life. Good friends, good pizza, and a good story. So far I had two of those at the moment. Sadly I was lacking a good story. Our school newspaper had been quite dry despite my efforts to discover new and intriguing stories.

“Stop sulking and eat.” My best friend said, shoving a piece of cheese pizza in my face. Jisung laughed when I bit the end before returning to look at my laptop. We were at our usual pizza place seated next to the window with the big bright red neon sign lighting up our faces. The sun set over the New York skyline making the moment almost perfect. If only I was writing an exciting article. Instead, I was putting together a riveting look into the school’s menu changes.

“You know I invited you because I thought you were going to be good company.”

“Please. You invited me because Felix was busy with a stupid Lego project and no one else will eat pizza with you.”

“Whatever.”

Jisung and I weren’t the most popular people in our senior class. To be frank, Jisung was my only friend. So going out and eating pizza every other day at ten o’clock at night was often the highlight of my week. Having had enough of the lack of attention Jisung slammed my laptop closed and removed it from the already small table. “Hey! I didn’t save!”

“That’s what Google Docs is for.”

He was right. I needed to stop working. I had been slaving over that stupid and boring article all week. He didn’t have to be such an ass though. “You are such a teenager.” I scoffed, watching him shovel yet another slice of pizza down his throat. “Oh, and you are such an adult!” The mocking tone of his voice threatened a laugh.

“I swear you are God’s punishment for enjoying sex. Everyone’s libido just disappears when you are around.”

“Hey don’t ruin our date. I was considering sleeping with you tonight.”

He laughed when I threatened to smack him. It had been like this for as long as I could remember. Just me and Jisung. My parents had been friends with his before they passed away in a car accident. Now Jisung lived with his Aunt May and his Uncle Ben a few blocks away from me.

I remember after the crash I would wake to a tap on my window to see an eight year old Jisung on my fire escape. Not wanting to bother his Aunt with his nightmares, Jisung had run all the way to my apartment and climbed the fire escape to my room on the sixth floor. I would open the window and let him sleep in my bed. My eight year old brain used to think maybe my bed was like force field keeping away the bad dreams about his parents.

“Hey, what are you doing tomorrow?” Jisung asked bringing me out of my thoughts.

“Mr. Finoli asked me to take pictures of the science field trip so I’m going with you guys. Why?” A look of realization crossed Jisung’s face making him freeze. “Did you forget to ask May to sign your permission slip?”

“I forgot to ask May to sign my-...you can be a real ass sometimes, you know that?”

Laughing I pulled a ten out of my wallet and left it on the table. “Come on, you’ve gotta get your slip signed, dummy.” “I can pay, it’s no problem.” He said watching me pack up my stuff. “Nah, you can get the next one.” Bellies full of pizza, we left Tony’s Pizzeria and headed in the direction of Jisung’s apartment, his arm draped over my shoulder and talking my ear off about some random experiment they had done in Physics that day.

The next day I woke up bright and early to meet the class at the New York Museum of Science. Camera bag on my shoulder and camera around my neck I stood outside the museum with about ten other students and two teachers. My tired eyes brightened when I saw Jisung step out from the subway, May right behind him.

I laughed as he wiped a kiss from his cheek before waving goodbye to her. His dyed blonde hair was messy and blew slightly in the wind. Jisung waved when he saw me and jogged over. His hoodie lazily hung off his shoulder and his shirt and jeans were somewhat wrinkled. “Don’t you look nice?” I couldn’t help but chuckle at his appearance.

“Shut up.”

He laughed throwing an arm around my shoulder, leading me closer to the group. Soon the tour began and I busied myself with taking photos of the group for the paper and yearbook. Jisung followed the group, only half-listening to the teacher as he looked at other random exhibits.

At around one in the afternoon, the group moved outside to have lunch on the steps. I sat off to the side with Jisung, his legs spread out across the stairs and his elbow rested on the step above us. It was refreshing to be next to him talking about absolutely nothing. Even if he stole my food.

Eventually, we were all called back to resume the tour. I angled a shot of two students looking at a bug exhibit, but just as I took the picture Jisung jumped in the frame throwing up a peace sign and crossing his eyes. “Hey! Stop hitting me!” He yelled as I smacked his shoulder over and over again. “Look I’m just innocently observing the exhibit. Leave me alone crazy woman!”

Sighing, I pushed him away and resumed taking photos. As the group was moving onto the next room I noticed Jisung was missing. It wasn’t unlike him to wander off into a room he wasn’t supposed to just to look at probably like some DNA model or some other weird science shit. I could never get over the fact Jisung was super into science when he gave zero fucks about his other classes.

“Jisung?”

“Ji?”

“Ji, we are moving on,” I said looking for him. My eyes landed on a semi-open door marked ‘Lab’. He wouldn’t. He did. Just as I started to walk towards the door, he exited with a goofy smile on his face. “Y/n! Dude, they have all these cool spiders and test tubes in there it was so cool! One of them bit me!” Like an excited three-year-old, he showed me his wrist where he indeed had a red spider bite.

“Ooooooh! Take a picture!”

He shoved my camera into my hands and held up his arm pointing to the spider bite making the dopiest smile. Knowing he wouldn’t shut up until I complied, I took the picture.

“Let’s catch up with the group,” I said taking his hand and dragging him back to the class. When we reached the group a teacher looked over at us his brows furrowing. “Excuse me, Miss L/n, is your friend okay?” He pointed to Jisung, a concerned expression on his face.

“Jisung? There are certainly things wrong with him but he’s oka-”

My words stopped when I turned to look at my best friend next to me. “Ji- Oh my god! Ji are you okay?” His face had obviously paled and he looked dizzy. A thin layer of sweat lay on his forehead.

“Hell yeah. I’m doing fine, baby.” His voice sounded drowsy.

“Miss L/n he is not alright. Does he have anyone who can come get him.” The teacher said pulling out his phone. I shook my head. May worked in the day and his Uncle Ben was on a business trip. “No, they are working.”

He sighed and turned to me. Jisung was clearly getting worse by the second and was wobbling a little. “What about you? Can you take him home?” Jisung laughed and wrapped his arms around me loosely. “Fuck yeah, I’d her take me home.”

“I have a test in my last period.”

“I’ll write you a pass and send it to your teacher. Take him home please.”

Nodding he typed something on his phone and returned to the group who had started to move once again. “Okay Ji, let’s get you back to May’s.” Slowly we started moving to the exit. Before we made it to the doors, Jisung practically turned green. He pushed away from me and burst towards the nearest restroom.

“Jisung!”

Ignoring the looks and yells I followed Jisung into the restroom and looked for the stall he was in. “Hey, lady get out of here!” A man standing at the urinal screamed.

“Oh please. Get over yourself.”

“Ji?”

Following the coughing and gagging sounds, I pushed the final stall door open. Jisung sat on the floor his mop of blonde hair hanging over the toilet. I crouched next to him and rubbed his back gently. “Oh god, I hate puking.”

“Jisung everyone hates puking.”

“Yeah well.....your face likes puking.”

“Nice comeback.”

Feeling too terrible to respond, he just threw up the contents of his stomach again. When he seemed able to stand the two of us made our way outside and down the subway. Jisung leaned most of his weight on me as I slid my metro pass through the scanner. How I managed to get him through the turnstile and onto the metro I have no clue. Thankfully there was once last seat free for Jisung to sit down in.

“Y/n, I don’t feel good.”

“I know,” I said softly as he rested his head against my stomach. The train turned sharply making me hold onto the strap, not wanting to fall into Jisung. Soft whines and groans came from him every now and then. This was the worst I had ever seen Jisung.

I listened to the stations being called out as I ran my fingers through his hair, hoping that would calm him down a little. We were only four stops away but more people were getting on the train. Jisung looked up at me a sick expression on his face. It changed when he looked at the passengers boarding the car.

“Here, Ma’am. You can take my seat.”

“Thank you so much, young man.” An older woman said taking his seat as he got up. “Jisung, you feel terrible. Are you okay to stand?” He shrugged latching onto the strap next to mine, his face paling again. “I’ll be fine, it’s only four stops.”

Jisung’s eyes started to droop as the train started up again. His body began to act heavier than it was so he resorted to leaning on me and nestling his head between my neck and shoulder. I did my best to make sure he didn’t fall over.

“You two are very cute together.” The old lady said with a smile.

“Oh- we aren’t--”

“You better hold onto a good man like that, sweetie. Handsome and kind. Those are hard to come by.”

Before I could respond we turned again, and I had to keep Jisung from falling in this poor nice old lady’s lap. I felt his skin burning against mine. Could this train not go any faster. Soon enough our stop came. I said bye to the old woman and helped Jisung get off the train and up the subway stairs.

“Come on, Ji. We are almost there and we both know I cannot carry your ass.”

Eventually, I made it up the stairs of his apartment building to the fourth floor and managed to drag him to his door. “Jisung, where’s your key?” Trying not to hurt his head I propped him up on the door frame. He laughed when I started searching through his pockets.

“Y/n if you wanted to cop a feel just ask. That tickles.”

“Jisung where are your fucking keys?”

“Back pocket.” He said drowsily. I sighed and reached behind him. My hands searched through his jean pockets for the cold metal keys. “Having fun back there, because I’m sure enjoying it.”

I suppressed the urge to punch him in the stomach out of fear he would vomit all over me. Finally finding his keys, I unlocked the door and threw my stuff inside, before lugging him in as well. Jisung leaned on the couch while I put my stuff on the table.

“Y/n it’s burning up in here.”

“Jisung, you just have a temperature.”

“It burns like fucking hell! It’s too hot!”

Before I could stop him Jisung was shedding layers like a snake. He tossed his shirt somewhere in the small living room. He was sweating like crazy, his blonde hair sticking to his forehead. “Ji, come on let’s get you in the shower.” I started running a cold shower for him before rushing back to the living room to call May. It would only be a couple hours until she got home, but I should still let her know what’s going on.

While Jisung was in the shower, I grabbed some medicine from the cabinet. I had absolutely no fucking idea how to treat a spider bite. Antibiotics? Hearing the shower turn off I knocked before entering. Jisung had a towel wrapped around his waist and was leaning his head against the wall. “Y/n...”

“I’m right here, Jisung.” Cautiously I led him to his room and watched him collapse onto his double bed. Rummaging through his drawers I found some mostly clean sweatpants. “Ji, do you even do laundry?”

“Y/n, I feel a little too fucking sick to do chores now.”

“I know. I know.” He slipped on the sweatpants and let me dry his hair. I wrapped his arms, covering the bite so it wouldn’t get more infected then it already probably was. Jisung’s temperature flipped like crazy. One minute he was burning up and the next he was freezing.

A sigh of relief left my chest when I heard May call out in the apartment. “Y/n thank you so much for taking care of him.” She gave me a short hug before running to go get more meds. She would know better than I would, being an ER nurse. “Ji, do you want me to stay? I can call my parents and tell them I’m staying the night.” He slowly shook his head.

“No, it’s okay.”

“I can stay really-”

“Y/n, I’ll be fine. You can go home.”

He gave me a half-assed smile and squeezed my hand. There was no arguing with Jisung sick or not so I gathered my things and left. May promised to keep me updated and I told her I would have my phone next to me.

The walk back to my apartment seemed longer than usual. I couldn’t stop thinking about Jisung. When I got home, my parents greeted me before telling me they would be working tonight. My dad was a cop and my mom worked at a hospital downtown. It was rare they were even home, to begin with. Exhausted from taking care of Jisung, I rolled onto my bed and fell asleep.

This boy really texted me at five the morning telling me to meet him at his locker three hours later. If he wasn’t still sick I would for sure have throttled him. Except for the fact that Jisung didn’t look sick. Not at all. He looked perfectly healthy as he walked down the hall towards me. In fact, he looked...really....good. It pissed me off.

“Aren’t you supposed to be sick?”

“Yeah, I got better.”

Jisung opened his locker like it was any other day and got his books. “What did you want to talk about?” He sighed and looked over at me. There was something different about him. Did his jaw always look like that? No. No jaw looks like that.

“So this morning I woke up and like I felt completely fine. In fact, I felt the best I have in years. And this weird thing happened to me on the subway-”

Jisung’s words were interrupted by the sound of his locker closing, only the entire row of metal lockers rattled as his shut. “The fuck? Did we have an earthquake or something?” I asked looking around. “What? No. New York isn’t on a fault line.” Shrugging it off I turned back to Jisung.

“You were saying?” He seemed distracted now, looking at his closed locker. “Ummm.... I wanted to thank you for yesterday.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him. “Ji, you don’t need to thank me. I’ll always take care of you if you need me.” As I pulled away his hands stayed on my waist, which wasn’t totally out of the norm. Jisung was always a really touchy and flirty person. It drove me crazy sometimes, knowing that it was just his personality and not him acting on something else.

“So this weird thing happened on my way to school this morning. My hand-” Again Jisung was interrupted. This time by the bell ringing for homeroom. “Hey Jisung, I’ve gotta go, but you can tell me at lunch right?” He nodded, his expression becoming more uneasy. As I turned his grip on my waist stopped me.

“Ji, I know you wanna tell me now but I have to go!” I said with a laugh. A nervous breathy laugh escaped his lips as he tried to pull away from me. “Well, you know how hard it is for me to keep my hands off of you.” Arching an eyebrow I chose to ignore his weird behavior and walked off to my homeroom.

When the lunch bell finally rang I took my food outside to where Ji and I normally ate. However, he was nowhere in sight. As if he could read my thoughts, my phone notified me of a text from Jisung.

Lix asked me to help him with some Chem work. Sry I can’t eat with you :(

I sent him a quick reply saying it was okay. It wasn’t the first time I had eaten alone and it surely wouldn’t be the last. To no surprise, Chaeyoung and one of her friends walked by. “Have you seen that kid? What’s his name? Jihyun?” She said in her shrill voice. It was hard not to hear her conversation even from twenty feet away.

“No, I think his name is Jisung. Han Jisung. He is in my physics class. Kind of a dweeb if you ask me.”

“Well, that dweeb filled out. He was probably just a late bloomer, but like all of a sudden, he got really hot. Have you seen his arms and his chest? Oh my god! A girl could die.”

The girls laughed and continued to objectify my best friend. They were right. Jisung had seemed to have had a huge glow up overnight. His lanky form did seem more toned and his arms were much more muscular than I remembered.

“Can you believe he still hangs out with that new junkie girl? Like, please. He could get any girl he wants now. Why stay friends with that waste of space?”

“That bitch is so full of herself. Literally, no one even likes her.” Chaeyoung said laughing. Having heard enough, I got up and decided to go to my next class early. It didn’t necessarily bother me what she had said. Chaeyoung always liked to mess with me.

All my classes seemed slower than usual and Jisung was answering my texts. At this point in the day, we would probably be having a meme war or a stupid conversation ignoring our teachers, but my phone was silent. Not a single notification.

By the end of the day, I was feeling totally depressed. English was my last class and thank god I had it with Jisung. No doubt he would be late though. He rarely ever showed up on time to class. But, as I walked through the classroom door I did a double-take seeing my best friend in his usual seat right beside mine.

He gave me an innocent smile. This was strange. Jisung was never early. He looked...normal. I mean other than the physical overnight puberty storm. He slouched in his chair his long legs spilling into the aisle, not that he cared, and he twirled a pen between his long slender fingers.

“Yo, wassup, cutie?” He said as I sat down. “You seem to be the talk of the school.” He shrugged and shuffled through some physics work he had on his desk. “You jealous?” That stupid smirk appeared on his mouth. “No. Just confused.”

“Okay, class. Settle down. We are going to be returning to our analysis of Austen’s novel Sense and Sensibility.”

I busied myself with taking thorough notes knowing Jisung would just fall asleep again or just play a random game on his phone. The teacher droned on making a seemingly not boring book a complete snooze fest. The lecture continued without end threatening to send me to sleep as well. Out of habit, I looked over at Jisung, except he was not asleep. Jisung was wide awake and he appeared to be listening intently.

As if he sensed I was looking at him he turned and smiled at me before returning his attention to the front of the classroom. This was too weird. Where was my Jisung? Maybe he was still sick. That could explain the weird behavior, right?

The harsh sound of the release bell brought me out of my thoughts. Jisung was already packing up his stuff. “Hey, you wanna stop by Tony’s on the way home? You can buy me a slice!” I said latching onto his arm. The girls were right. Jisung had filled out. Feeling myself starting to blush, I let go and looked back up at my best friend.

“I can’t. I’ve gotta run some errands fro May and then Uncle Ben asked me to pick up dinner and some other stuff.”

“I can come with you?”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll text you later!”

Without another word, Jisung raced out of the classroom. I knew Jisung pretty well and it was clear he didn’t want me around today. Alone-again- I rode the subway back to my apartment to be greeted by an empty living room. My mom had left a note on the counter leaving me money for dinner and saying Jisung was welcome to come over. “Yeah, well he’s too busy,” I said to no one in particular.

It got dark pretty quick. All my homework was finished. I even managed to submit the stupid article on lunch menus. Eventually, I had nothing to do but stare at my ceiling. The news was getting pretty boring. After the whole Avenger’s fiasco, things had quieted down, and no interesting stories were in sight. By 11:30 I had given up hope Jisung was going to text let alone call so I did the next best thing.

“Hi, May! Is Jisung busy?”

“Hi, sweetie! Jisung got home about an hour ago. He said he was out with Felix. Should I tell him to call you?”

“No, no. It’s fine. You don’t have to tell him. I’ll talk to him later.”

“Okay, honey. Goodnight!”

Han Jisung you filthy little liar. If he didn’t want to hang out with me he should have just said so. Deciding I had finally had enough of this awful day I curled up under my covers and fell asleep.

Months had now passed and Jisung had started acting normal again. Well as normal as Jisung could be anyway. Our near daily trips to Tony’s had decreased to only twice a week and Jisung always seemed to be busy after school, though he made sure to text me back for fear of facing my wrath.

“What do you think of this Spiderman guy?” I asked typing away on my laptop. Jisung lounged across my bed, the Saturday afternoon light casting a warm glow over his face. He looked up from his place beside me. “Uhh...I don’t know. What do you think of him?”

“He seems a little childish and amateur, but he is a great story. Vigilante helping out downtown New York? That’s gold.”

“Childish? What do you mean childish? He’s professional as fuck. I heard he stopped a bank robbery the other day.”

“Yeah, and they found the criminals hanging from a lampost by their underwear.”

Jisung laughed and ran a hand through his blonde hair before looking up at the ceiling. “You’ve been talking about Spiderman a lot lately. What do you have a crush on him?” I scoffed, fingers flying across my keyboard. “Please. I don’t date children. Besides, I just think he is a great story.”

“You wanna order takeout?” Jisung asked reaching over me to get my phone. My dad was on duty and my mom was on call so Jisung had come over to keep me company. I did my best to pretend I didn’t notice how amazing he smelled as he leaned over me. “You know you should really stop eating junk food. You are what you eat.” I said distracting myself from how close he was.

“Well then if we are what we eat, I guess I would be fast, cheap, and easy.”

Jisung winked at me, making my eyes roll. Jisung had grown at home in his new body and somehow he got even cockier than he was before. He groaned at my lack of response and instead let his head rest in my lap, giving him a good view of my screen. “Play with my hair, bitch.”

“Excuse me, dick. I’m working.” He laughed and unlocked my phone. I often wondered why he liked just sitting with me. I think I remembered him telling me once that he liked the sound of me typing. He said it had sort of a rhythm that only belonged to me. How he could pick up on that I had no clue. Like he had superhearing.

“I ordered sushi. Don’t worry, I’ll pay.” Jisung said, adjusting his body slightly so he wasn’t at an awkward angle. I smiled continuing to write about our masked arachnid hero. “Please tell me you got boba too.” I sighed suddenly craving the sweet drink.

“Of course, baby. I’ve got you.”

There was a moment of silence. Any minute now Jisung was going to break it. The boy couldn’t go three minutes without talking. “Do you think Spiderman is hot?” Jisung blurted out.

“Jisung...do we need to have a talk?”

“What- no! Oh, what- no! I mean like do you think he’s hot?”

“The guy wears a mask; how am I supposed to know?”

He shrugged and played on my phone. “I don’t know. What do you think he looks like?” With Jisung’s mind, he wasn’t going to drop this until he got an answer. Saving my work, I closed my laptop and moved it onto the side table. “He’s probably like thirteen. I’m mean he is skinny enough to be a pre-teen.”

“No, like his face.”

“You are weirdly obsessed with this you know.”

“Answer the question already. I’m getting bored.”

I thought for a minute, my hand unconsciously moving to run through his blonde locks. What would spiderman look like? “He is probably just some random white dude. Dark hair, blue eyes maybe?”

He nodded, seemingly satisfied with my answer. The topic changed after that. Jisung told me about spending time with his Uncle earlier that day and we talked about his weird physics experiments. Soon enough, the food came and Jisung paid for it like he said he would. We spent the next several hours sitting in my bed eating sushi, drinking boba, and watching a drama Jisung insisted I ‘needed to see or my brain would explode out of my ears from being lame’.

After several episodes, my room was obscenely dark and my parents had yet to come home. My back rested against Jisung’s chest letting me feel the vibration of his laughs. “Hey, it’s late. You should probably head home.” He smiled when I made no attempt at moving or letting him up. “Do you want me to stay?” “Yes please.” He chuckled and pulled out his phone, calling his uncle and letting him know.

Soon I began to grow tired, my head slumping back onto his shoulder. He poked my side, trying to wake me up. “Hey, go change for bed.” Sleepily, I nodded and shuffled out of bed to sift through my closet for a nightshirt. Jisung moved around getting comfortable while I changed.

As I walked back over to the bed Jisung shut my laptop and placed it on my nightstand. When I climbed back into my bed he pulled me on top of him, wrapping his arms around my waist. It had been quite a while since Jisung had stayed over. It felt so nice just to be next to him, feeling the warmth radiating off his bare chest. The sound of his heartbeat lulled me to sleep.

Jisung’s ringtone blared in my small room quickly waking me up. “Ji-” I said shoving my head under the covers. “I got it. Go back to sleep.” A quick glance at my clock told me it was two am. Who the hell was calling Jisung at two am? Jisung reached over me and grabbed his phone off the stand. He tried not to move a lot because my head still lay on his arm. “Hello?”

“Happy? What’s wrong?”

“Jisung tell the Disney dwarf to hang up. I wanna go back to sleep.” I whined, drowsily. Snuggling back into his chest, I reluctantly listened to him sleepily talk on the phone, Jisung not being fully awake himself. “Where am I? I’m at Y/n’s.....Yes....Yes, you can add the location to the list.” I felt Jisung run a hand through his fluffy hair and sigh.

“Mr. Stark said what? Yeah, yeah I have it in my bag....What now?....She’s gonna kill me....I can be there in ten.” Jisung hung up and started to get out of bed. “Woah, where the hell are you going? I need my personal space heater.” Jisung let out a tired laugh as he slipped his baggy shirt back on and rummaged through his bag looking for something.

“I’m really sorry, but I have to go.”

“Jisung who the fuck is calling you at two am? What is so important that you have to leave?” I asked still not really awake and comprehensive. “Uhhh....my....internship.”

“Your what?”

“My internship.”

“Your what?”

“My internship.”

“Yeah-Ji- you keep saying ‘your internship’ like my half-asleep half murderous mind will understand what your saying.”

“I got an internship with Stark Industries. They have uh... a problem....with some of the...code that I wrote....last week.”

Jisung started slipping his socks back on as I stared at him in confusion. “When did you get an internship with freaking Tony Stark -You work with Ironman?!” He laughed and started searching for his shoes.

“Y/n, go back to sleep. I’ll see you on Monday.” Then he left. I was alone once again in my room. A random siren went off in the distance and I just sat in bed. Suddenly, the police scanner on my dresser crackled to life. My dad had given it to me for my birthday a few years ago.

We have a 647g Disorderly Conduct at 284 Hickom Av.

647g? Why bother calling that in at this time of night? That was just loitering. Sighing, I got up and walked over to turn the radio off. Another voice coming through stopped me.

Disregard suspect has left the premise with another group of guys. Headed south down Hickom.

South down Hickom street? What had my dad said earlier this week? Something about several high arms deals going down near there. If I could catch one in the act this would be a great story! Throwing on some pants and slipping on my sneakers, I grabbed my camera and put on my jacket. “Finally a great story!”

Hickom Avenue was maybe about ten minutes away. The streets were pretty dark at two am, but it didn’t really bother me. My curiosity overpowered any fear I should have. My eyes scanned the area looking for any sign of the guys the scanner mentioned. Just as I was about to cross in front of an alley I saw them. Quickly I doubled back and pressed against the wall.

“If I’m paying 4k for some lightsaber shit, I’d better get a demonstration, man.”

Carefully I peeked around the corner. Seven men stood in the hallway. Three were next to this heavy-duty van with blacked-out windows. This was definitely an arms deal if I had ever seen one. Which....to be fair...I hadn’t. But it was pretty clear.

A guy with muscles bigger than my head pulled out a large weapon with green glowing lights. Quickly I pulled out my camera and started snapping pictures. They proceeded to fire this huge light cannon around the alley. Holy shit. This thing was powerful.

“Okay, you got a deal. I’ll take four-”

Let’s dance the night away,

Yeaaaahh

One, Two, Three! Let’s go!

“Fuck,” I whispered ripping my phone out of my pocket and struggling to turn it off. “Turn off, come on.” Finally, I silenced the phone and turned to see if they had heard. Instead my eyes met a broad chest only a couple inches away.

Okay....think, think, think. Too busy panicking. Can’t think. Uhhhhhh......fuck. I followed my first instinct and threw a punch at the guy’s nose. His head did not recoil like it was supposed to. He just simply cracked his neck and glared down at me.

Okay.....instincts bad.

Before I knew it I was struggling against the man’s grip as he dragged me into the alley. “We’ve got a visitor.” He said throwing me onto the ground in front of all the other men. They sneered and inched closer clearly quite upset I had interrupted their little party.

“Make that two. Hey, how are you guys doing?”

All heads turned to the roof of the liquor store we were next to. My eyes widened. There was Spiderman. Complete with the red and blue suit and cocky childish attitude. “Who the fuck are you?” The buff guy, who now had his foot digging into my stomach, said.

“Bro....Come on. I’m Spiderman. You know. I shoot webs and kick ass.”

“Isn’t he that guy from YouTube that did the flip on that building?”

“OH MY GOD, THAT WAS ONE TIME!”

The man scoffed and pressed further onto my stomach, making me wince slightly. “Scram, Arachne Boy.” The men around me laughed at I assumed the leader’s joke. The hero sighed and shook his head.

“See now I have to beat you up. You can’t just make fun of my name. That shit hurts, bro.”

“What the fu-” Before he could finish his sentence a web shot and grabbed onto his face and flung him into the side of the building. Soon a fight broke out. Trying to remove myself from the situation I crawled away as Spiderman fought all the men.

“Ah!”

A strong hand grabbed the back of my neck and hoisted me off the ground. “You aren’t getting away that easy, little girl.” The man sneered. A huge welt was on the side of his face from Spiderman’s attack. My airway’s started to close as he squeezed tighter. My hands tried to pull his fingers away and slapping at any place I could reach. Meanwhile, the last thing I would hear before I died would be Spiderman yelling something about Naruto running a dude into the next Millenium.

As the edges of my vision started to fade, I heard another voice come closer. “Get your fucking mutant hands off her!” It screamed. I was dropped to the ground. Air filled my lungs as I took huge gasps. Looking up I saw Spiderman taking on the huge monstrosity of a man with nothing but his own two hands.

“I was told never to play with guns. But I think today might be the exception.”

A web shot out of his fingertips and pulled the weird contraption into his hands. A bright light emitted and fired at the man, blasting him into the building wall. Within seconds Spiderman had wrapped up the villain in a little cocoon of sticky webs, keeping him secure. A quick look around told me he had already done the same to the others.

The boy in the red suit danced around like a weirdo, while I sat on the ground. “Go Spidey! Go Spidey! Hell yeah! I made all of you my bitches!” I coughed still trying to get air back into my lungs. The white eyes on his mask widened. It must be some pretty advanced tech in that suit.

“Holy shit- Are you okay, Y/n...........I mean...wait-...random citizen I don’t know who means nothing to me personally. Are you okay?”

His voice weirdly got lower halfway through his sentence. Dazed, I looked back up at him. He offered me a hand up and gratefully I took it. “Thanks for helping back there,” I said, voice coming out a bit sore. He shrugged and puffed out his chest.

“Yeah, I did kick some serious ass didn’t I?”

Rolling my eyes, I grabbed my camera and started to walk away. “Wait! Where are you going?” He swung from a lamppost and landed in front of me the suit’s eyes widening and shrinking again. His suit must have facial readers or something.

“I’m going home. I’ve got my story; I’m done.”

“Hey it’s not safe. Let me take you home. What would your friends say if you weren’t at school tomorrow?”

Spiderman continued to follow me as if he were a lost puppy. I laughed when he almost tripped over a trashcan. “Okay, one- how do you know I’m a student? And two- I don’t really have any friends. People don’t like me at school.” He stopped in his tracks.

“What do you mean- Are you getting bullied at school?” His words stopped me. He sounded genuinely concerned. By now we were halfway to my apartment. I simply stared at him as the old streetlights flickered and struggled to light up the sidewalks we were on.

“A couple people bother me, but I just ignore them. Look I’m gonna go home. Thanks for back there. You were a real hero.”

He looked between me and my hand as I stuck it out for him to shake. Slowly he took it, his grip firm, but cautious. “You know, usually heroes get a thank you kiss for rescuing such a gorgeous girl.” I scoffed and pulled my hand away.

“Sorry, Spidey. I’m not interested in cocky little shits who run around wearing masks.”

“Yeah well, you’d be surprised. What is your type? Bet, I’m still it.”

My eyes lit up thinking about him. “I guess I’m more of the boy next door type. They say you always fall for your best friend right?”

He blinked as if he was processing my words. What I thinking? A horny fourteen-year-old boy wouldn’t understand. “Night, Spidey. Thanks for the save.” Not letting him say another word, I headed back to my apartment. My apartment was still empty when I returned. My parents wouldn’t be back until after I left for school in a few hours. Reluctantly I went back to my bed, missing the space where Jisung lay only a few hours earlier. It was harder to fall asleep without him next to me.

My legs carried me as quickly as they could. I ignored the crazy looks from people on the street as I raced to May’s apartment. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I burst through the building’s main entrance. Knowing the elevator would take too long and it was probably broken again, I took the stairs up to the fourth floor.

The door was unlocked when I ran into the apartment. “May? May!” I called, looking for her in the living room. Hearing small cries I turned to find her exiting the kitchen. With open arms, I let her hug me and cry into my shoulder.

We sat in the kitchen in silence. Occasionally one of our cries would slip, but the emptiness would return. He wasn’t answering any of my calls. I was beginning to worry. May said they were together. Where was he? It had been hours since May had called me. The sound of the door opening made us both stand from our seats.

Jisung walked in with heavy shoulders and blood on his forehead and smeared across his shirt. He had dried tears staining his cheeks. I had seen the footage of the shooting on the news with May, but the sight of Jisung standing before us made my heart break.

I held myself back as May went to her nephew. They needed each other. I could wait. Whispers between the two were shared, most likely about her husband. She had already gotten a call, but hearing it from Jisung seemed important to her. After a moment she excused herself, saying something about wanting to go to bed.

The two of us stood in silence. I had no idea how to comfort him. How could you comfort someone who just watched their uncle die? Jisung started to slowly move towards his room. Wordlessly, I followed.

After I closed his door, I turned to find him staring at the walls small cries coming from his form. There were pictures of him and his uncle all over his room. Jisung sighed when I wrapped my arms around him from behind. He turned around so he could hold me to his chest. Hot tears fell against my neck as he cried.

It felt like hours before he calmed down. Gently I led him over to the bed and sat him down. All he could do was stare at his hands as I grabbed a clean shirt from his closet and a wet cloth from the bathroom. There was no fight from him as I lifted the bloodied shirt from his body and put it in the hamper.

Carefully, I lifted his chin and gently started cleaning the blood away from his face. I tried not to wipe away the tears that slowly ran down his cheeks. He looked broken-and tired like he hadn’t slept even before today’s events. My heart shattered when he finally looked me in the eye.

“I’m not ready for this.” He whispered, more tears falling.

Wrapping my arms around him, I let the clean shirt fall to the floor. “I know...” I tried to keep tears from falling from my own eyes. I concentrated on running my fingers through his hair and how tightly he held onto my waist. “You’re never going to be ready for it.” He cried even harder, making me want to scream for him.

Slowly, I laid back onto his bed, holding him on top of my chest. “No one is ever ready for what you are going through,” I whispered. His body shook from crying and he buried his nose into my neck, holding onto me as if I were the only tether keeping him from floating away. “But, you are so strong. We aren’t faced with challenges we can’t overcome.” His breathing started to steady as my hand traced patterns on this bare skin of his back. “Sometimes I wish I was normal,” He whispered.

“Ji, you are anything but normal. And that’s okay. But for now...you can just be here. I’ll be with you. When you’re ready you can do whatever you need to. But...just stay here for now.”

He nodded and held onto me even tighter. I listened to his breath, gently rubbing his back and playing with his hair. When I knew he was asleep, I let myself do the same. Tomorrow would be another day. I would most likely have to leave and let Jisung and May grieve, but for now, I could be with him. Hopefully, that was enough.

Early the next morning, I woke up to an empty bed. Jisung’s covers were loosely wrapped around me and his window was cracked open, letting a strip of sunlight in. Slowly, I sat up and rubbed my head. It was quite unusual for him to be up this early. Well, it was quite unusual for me to be up this early, but it was like my body had a sensor for when he was gone. I pulled my phone from the table and started to text him.

The sound of the window opening caused my attention to turn. I froze as I saw Jisung climbing through the window. “What the fuck!” He froze when he saw me. My eyes widened, taking the sight in. Jisung was standing before me wearing a familiar red and blue suit, a mask in his hand.

“Y/n, I can explain...”

Was Jisung Spiderman? Was my best friend Spiderman? Holy shit! “Okay explain!” He simply stared at me, eyes wide. His hand came to scratch the back of his neck. His eyes avoided mine as my arms crossed my chest.

“Jisung, might I suggest explanation protocol #38 for Miss L/n?”

“Oh my God! Friday, shut up! You aren’t helping.”

I watched as Jisung said to the AI apparently in his suit before he tossed the mask onto his desk. “You have an explanation protocol for me?” The look on his face showed that he knew he was in trouble.

“See the thing is...I’m not Spiderman-...” He stopped when I glared at him. “Okay, I am Spiderman. This is my internship with Mr.Stark.” Without hesitation, I got up from his bed and started slapping his arm.

“This doesn’t even hurt, does it? You have superstrength. Oh my god, I’m going to fucking murder you.” An aggravated sigh left my chest. “So this whole entire time you have been swinging around the city saving people and doing flips on buildings and I was none the wiser?” I said turning back to him.

“That was one time! But...yes.” He stood awkwardly in his own room. “Look, I’m sure you have a lot of questions.” He gulped when my stern gaze turned back on him. “So, anything you ask I’ll answer.”

“Who else knows?”

“Mr. Stark, Happy- the guy who is my supervisor-, and Felix.”

“FELIX?”

He flinched as my voice raised. Taking a breath, I calmly sat back down on his bed. He watched as I crossed my legs and turned off the sound on my phone. No way was I gonna let my parents interrupt this conversation. “How did you become like...this...” I asked pointing to his clearly toned physique.

“At first I thought it was just like another puberty thing. But, like puberty doesn't make me shoot webs out of my hands. I think it was that spider from the lab.”

“So do-...are all your...bodily fluids...like...webs? Like do you shoot webs out of everywhere or-”

“You wanna find out?” Jisung said with a smirk, coming closer. I did not hesitate to slap him.

“You couldn’t think of a better name though? Spiderman, really? You couldn’t come up with something more aggressive?”

“Well, I mean...like - spiders are cool, okay!”

I could tell he was uncomfortable. Usually, Jisung always stood up straight and had some sort of a smile or smirk on his face, but he was truly nervous. He watched me expectantly, waiting to answer whatever questions I asked next.

“So when you said you were away on a company retreat for the weekend. That was actually you who was fighting Captain America and all that shit in Prauge?”

“Yes.”

“When you left that night, did you go to the arms deal?”

“Yes.”

“So, it was you who saved me.”

“Your welcome.”

“Don’t push it.”

Nervously, he let out a laugh. No matter how many questions I asked...he was still my best friend. I was proud of him. He was doing so much good. Don’t get me wrong I was still very pissed at him for not telling me. “You owe me pizza at Tony’s for the rest of the fucking year.” A sigh of relief left his chest and he wrapped me in a hug.

“That’s fine by me. I’m honestly surprised you didn’t ask about the whole crush thing.” I pulled away to see that fucking smirk on his mouth. “I think it’s cute you’re in love with me.” He tugged me closer to his body, gripping my waist.

“Who says I’m in love with you?”

“Me.”

“You’re an asshole- you say a lot of stupid shit.”

“I’m an asshole, not a liar. There’s a difference.”

My breath caught in my throat when I saw his eyes glance down to my lips. I could practically feel my heartbeat pulsing through my entire body. It was true and he knew it. I was in love with him. “Well....what are you going do about it? Prick...” I said in a shaky breath. He let out a soft laugh, his eyes lighting up.

“Kiss you....bitch.”

My heart went crazy as he pressed his lips to mine. Closing my eyes, I melted into his touch. This was definitely the craziest two days of my entire life. I never would have imagined I would have to comfort my best friend, find out he was a superhero running around New York, and then have him kiss me in his bedroom.

Jisung smiled as I kissed him back, draping my arms around his neck and threading my fingers through his blonde hair. Never in my wildest dreams had I thought kissing Jisung would be like this. Without his mouth leaving mine he pushed me up against the wall of his bedroom. He sighed when my teeth caught his bottom lip.

“Fuck...do you know how long I’ve thought about this?” He asked before returning to my lips.

“Kissing me?”

“To be honest I’ve been thinking about more than that since I was thirteen.”

Ignoring my scoff, Jisung continued to attack my lips like he had found water for the first time after walking in a desert. His hands slid under my legs, making me shriek when he picked me up. In one swift motion, he turned around and threw me onto his bed, before hovering over me. “I love you,” He whispered, before placing a soft kiss on my lips. Slowly, he moved down to my neck, my hands running through his soft hair. Impatiently, I pulled him back to my lips.

Our little makeout session was interrupted by the sound of Jisung’s phone ringing. He sighed and dropped his head onto my shoulder. “I have to get that,” He sighed and pushed himself off the bed, walking over to pick up his phone. My eyes couldn’t help but rake over him. Now, I could freely ogle how gorgeous his body was. I bit my lip, looking at the lines of his broad shoulders go down to his slim waist.

“Happy, now is not a good time.”

“Yes....among other things...” A blush flooded his cheeks as he looked back at me still laying on his bed.

“Can’t Mr. Stark send someone else?”

“I’m not just going to up and leave.”

Getting bored, I got up and wrapped my arms around him. He tried to look over at me, but I just buried my face in his chest. Patiently, I waited for him to finished the call with Happy. Finally, he threw the phone onto his bed and kissed me again. “Do you have to go?” I asked against his lips. He pulled away another smirk filling his face.

“You want to go to Berlin for a week?”

“What?”

“Mr. Stark needs me in Berlin. Something about S.H.I.E.L.D and an Avenger thing. But, there is no way May will let me go. Especially after yesterday.”

“Why am I going?”

“Happy said I could take you with me, you know to convince May to let me go.”

I laughed and kissed him again. “Sure. I’ll go to Berlin with you.” He laughed and spun me around the room. “However, you are gonna be the one to tell my dad that we are going alone with no chaperone to a country where the drinking age is sixteen.”

“Fuck.”

“Good luck, Ji.”

Requests are open, just send an ask my lovelies!

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skullrock · 4 years

Text

the fool - Steve x Reader

pairing: Steve x Reader

summary: the fool behind the counter of Scoops Ahoy! is, unfortunately, the only one you have eyes for.

word count: 1.2k

warnings: Steve’s bad pickup lines

a/n: happy anniversary to this costume

===

You were really, truly, about to kill the boy in the sailor uniform.

Yes, you knew Steve Harrington. Everyone knew Steve. And you knew that most people thought Steve was a loser now. You were not part of that crowd, however - in fact, you thought he was cuter now that he wasn’t all high and mighty.

The moment you found out he was working at Scoops Ahoy!, you felt that you had no choice but to go there every single day you worked at the JCPenney down the hall. Without fail, you’d stroll in on your break, ask for a sample, and leave.

It was supposed to be simple.

Steve, unfortunately, paid you no mind. Each time you’d come in, you’d have to wait behind a group of girls as he attempted to dazzle them. His pick up lines were lame and dorky, but that’s what you liked. You’d patiently wait to step up and eagerly flirt back, but you were always met with a metaphoric brick wall.

Steve wouldn’t say “ahoy!”, or take his hat off, or even wink at you. He’d sigh, throw his hat back on, and ask, “What can I get you?”

It was irritating. Were you not good enough? Maybe you weren’t like the popular girls he typically went for, but you felt like you deserved some recognition. You’d try to talk to him, but he’d just nod and smile politely. Robin Buckley paid you more mind than he ever did.

You were working the counter one day when he strolled in. It was his day off, and he had nothing better to do while waiting to collect his paycheck. So he walked around, playing with the fabric hanging on racks, chewing on his bottom lip.

You couldn’t help but to watch him. You watched how he kept running a hand through his highlighted hair, how he kept almost tripping over himself. He seemed so uncertain, and for the life of you, you couldn’t figure out why.

The thing that Steve wasn’t letting on, however, was that he was into you. He just couldn’t dare to think you were into him.

Seeing you come into Scoops was a near daily nightmare for him. He knew you were watching as he failed to flirt with the girls in line in front of you. He had seen you giggle as he tripped over his words. It was humiliating. He never even bothered to try his shot when you stepped up. It wasn’t worth the hassle, he figured. It was enough to be humiliated by the other girls, let alone you.

Steve didn’t know you worked at JCPenney. If he had, he would not have come in. He can’t get a grip - he trips, stumbles, nearly makes five racks all over. And the entire time, your eyes are on him, burning a hole in the fabric of his shirt.

Steve nearly knocks over yet another rack, and his eyes meet yours after he corrects it. He gives a sheepish smile and waves, and you wave back, confused.

Is he drunk? you ask yourself.

But suddenly he’s coming up to you, and he’s sweating and panting because holy shit, he’s nervous. He leans one arm on the counter and says, “Scoops.”

You pause, then nod. “Yes. You work there.”

“You come in a lot.”

“Yeah, I do.”

Steve pauses awkwardly, then raises his eyebrows. “Do you - like it?”

You furrow your brows. “Ice cream?”

He nods.

“It’s okay?”

He nods again and runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah, it’s pretty good.”

You both stare at each other for a moment, and that’s when the anger starts to bubble. “Hold on. You’re coming in here and talking to me after ignoring me the entirety of the summer?”

His mouth drops, but he picks it back up quickly. “What do you mean?”

“C’mon, Steve,” you scoff. “I come in there every day and watch you flirt with every single other girl except me.”

He looks taken aback. “I-“

“What is it, Steve? Am I not pretty enough? Or popular enough?”

Steve looks like a deer in headlights, and he simply wants to drop dead. “What? No-“

“Then what is it?”

He shakes his head in disbelief. “Do you ... want me to use those shitty pick up lines on you?”

You laugh. “Steve, no sane person would go eat a sample of ice cream each day just for shits and giggles.”

It takes him a moment. “Wait. You come to see me?”

The embarrassment hits you quickly, making your blood feel hot. Your stomach twists and your cheeks flush. Hastily, you grab some returns. “I gotta go put these back. I’ll see you around.”

Steve watches after you, dumbstruck. Then he sprints to Scoops, where Robin is stationed by herself. She looks up as he enters, his shoes slapping against the floor loudly. “I did it!”

“You did what, exactly?”

Steve pulls out a chair and sits at it, right in front of the counter. It’s in literally everyone’s way, but he doesn’t care. “This girl was coming in just to see me. Just to see me! Not for the shitty ice cream, Robin - for me!”

Robin scoffs. “Okay? And?”

Steve makes a sound of offense..“And? And what?”

“Oh, idiot,” she sighs. “Do you even have a date with her? Get her number? Anything?”

Steve blinks, then jumps up. “Oh, shit,” he mumbles, taking off for you.

“That counts as a ‘you suck,’ dingus!” Robin calls.

He suddenly turns on his heel and runs back. “Give me a scoop of mint in a cake cone.”

“You have to pay for that -“

“Robin!”

She scoops it for him quickly and hands him it begrudgingly. He gives a quick thanks before sprinting back down to you.

You hear him before you see him. “Ahoy, Y/N!”

You turn around, brows furrowed painfully. He comes to you, holding out the cone. “Would you like to set sail on an ocean of flavors with me?”

You want to hate it, but you blush furiously. You look at the cone and smile. “I only see one flavor.”

“An ocean of flavor, then,” he grins. “Our attraction can push the paddles in our boat of love.”

“Okay - you’re pushing it,” you laugh. You take the cone from him gently. “But mint is my favorite flavor.”

“I know. It’s what you usually come sample.”

“You notice a lot, don’t you, Steve?”

“Well,” he starts, going to lean back smugly. But he leans on a rack of clothing and nearly falls on his ass, only catching himself at the last second. He looks shocked, eyes wide, and it’s so goofy that you can’t help but to laugh.

“You’re lucky nerds are my type,” you say, taking a lick of the ice cream. “You free tonight?”

Steve’s taken aback. “Do you - we - on a date?”

“Yeah, we on a date. Do you want to?”

He laughs happily, running a hand through his hair. “When do you get off?”

“Seven. We can meet at the theater?” You bite your lip. “If you’re not too preoccupied with making a fool of yourself, of course.”

“Just in front of you,” he grins.

“Perfect,” you muse, stepping towards him. “Because I like fools.”

Steve beams. “Then you’re really going to like me.”

===

taglist: @harrington-ofhawkins @comedy-witch @gothackedalready @wolfish-willow @sassisaluxury @willowrose99 @harringtown @write-from-the-heart @m-blasterrr @whimsicalwoodlands @anerroroccurrrrred @marvels-gurl @the-almond-dinger @ssanjuniperoo @darth-el @sourapplebaby @yall-wildin-like-siriusly @andyl394 @astil-be @troop-scoop @ilovebucketbarnes @mybestfriendthedingus @unknownherelm @metuel18 @magnitude101999 @simplesammyx @lukeskisses @stevenismyboy

#steve harrington #steve harrington x you #steve harrington oneshot #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington fic #oh to be flirted with by Steve....#HAPPY ANNIVERSARY SEASON THREE

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jcmorrigan · 3 years

Note

What movie or tv show scared you the most?

OH HEEHEEHEEEEEE MY TIME HAS COME

I think this was probably the sign I was meant to be a horror fan, because I'm gonna talk about two movies here and neither one is a standard horror film. Now, I avoided horror films like the plague, but I now realize that's because of my aversion to jumpscares and gore, which have very little to do with actual scary stuff. I feared actual horror imagery as a small child, but basically once I read Coraline it all just turned around because that book gave me nightmares but I actually WANTED those nightmares and kept going back to the book. So what are the movies I just COULD NOT contend with?

First up, I have found that a lot of people have said this one, but really and truly, fuck Chicken Run.

I was...maybe ten when I watched it. Signed up for a goofy claymation adventure. What did I get? First of all, a whole lot of bleak color palette that warned me that this was not going to be a happy story. We are then shown the stakes right away: our entire main cast lives in a dystopian prison and if they do not find a way to escape, they will die. One DOES die. This is where a lot of people say they noped out right away, but actually, the execution of the dinner chicken in the first scene was tame for me compared to what would come next.

The pie machine. It's assembled, it's talked about, and eventually our two leads fall into it in a way that is designed to be fatal. Look, there are a ton of horror tropes in this scene alone. I haven't seen it SINCE THE ONE AIRING and I can still vividly tell you a lot of this. And if I walked into a horror film and asked for this, I'd come out super satisfied, but I was not expecting horror from this. First of all, I remember vividly the shot where you're looking from Ginger's POV falling down the shaft and the divider comes up to shunt her into the "meat" line. It's incredibly claustrophobic and you just get this almost jumpscare reminder that the character through whose eyes you see is regarded as nothing more than meat to be consumed. There is then an array of blades designed for close calls, and dough that essentially glues the lead characters down to a conveyor belt so they have to helplessly watch the death machines that are coming. Sticky stuff that roots you to one spot; that's another thing that just REALLY unnerves me and I love it if I'm reading CreepyPasta but I was not reading CreepyPasta; I was watching a children's film. The leads escape certain death by jamming the gravy system, causing the machine to overload on pressure, and here I feel like I should've been relieved that they escaped but instead I was the most unsettled of all when the pressure meter started climbing. I don't know if this film *gave* me a phobia of industrial accidents or if it just awakened what was already in my OCD little brain, but suffice to say that after this movie, I was hyper-aware of my own fear of things like hissing steam, rising pressure meters, and being in a room where large metal things were clanking. (I'm since over it; I've been exposed to it in enough things.)

Now, I was no quitter. I should have just noped out. But I didn't. I continued to traumatize myself. The next part of the film until the climax I don't remember so well - it wasn't as traumatizing - EXCEPT for the part where Ginger finds and rebuilds Rocky's circus poster. And now, as an adult, I can see how that was kinda supposed to be funny, like, "The goddamn chicken padded his résumé and the way they found this out was a circus poster." But little me was invested in these chickens, I wanted them to be happy, and what I saw was basically their death notice being signed with that scrap of paper with a cannon on it. I FELT that in my bones.

STILL NOT HAVING THE GOOD SENSE TO JUST EJECT THE TAPE ALREADY, I proceeded to the climax, in which what happens to Tweedy might be one of the most fucking awful things I've seen ever? Pinned upside-down in a superheated, confined space with rising liquid from below as the pressure meter starts climbing again. And her husband arrives just in time to see her like this but not in time to actually stop the explosion. Thank God it didn't actually kill her because even though I was already traumatized, that would've absolutely made it worse.

Thing is, ever since this movie scared the absolute shit out of me - and was probably the cause of the weird stomachaches I had for A WEEK after - I've kinda had this thing about reclaiming the scary parts and stomping on them while laughing maniacally. I feel like every time I've done a crossover project, there's been a temptation to write in an arc where the mains go up against THE PIE MACHINE and fucking win. And also there's whump with tons of comfort in my version to mitigate it all. I haven't done any such thing for TBTC...YET. But I know what I must do. I know who must destroy the machine and the Tweedys along with it. Buckle your seatbelts.

My final word before I move on is that as I ascend into adulthood, I think that for the most part, a rewatch of this film wouldn't traumatize me so badly. It'd still be gross and creepy in a way I think shouldn't be sent to children without warning, but I could deal with the imagery, maybe enjoy using it as whump fuel even more, maybe my horror side would really get into the peril this time. But the one thing I've realized is that this premise is fucked EVEN MORE if you're a grown-up, because as a child, you're sympathizing with the chickens. You want them to get free of this death camp environment. But as an adult, you start to realize that all Tweedy wanted to do was be a chicken farmer who sold pie, and her supposedly nonsentient animals ganged up on her in a display of unheard-of intellect among farm stock. This would then lead to her undergoing at least one near-death fate. Think about being a farmer in our world and the animals you keep GANG UP ON YOU LIKE PEOPLE because you're killing them for food. No thank you, no THANK you.

But surely this was a one-of-a-kind phenomenon. Surely, after this...after so many other people agreed with me; "Fuck Chicken Run"...no animation studio would ever pull shit like this again.

I had hoped that was the case until Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs.

This is one I don't actually see lambasted as often. Maybe because the Chicken Run trauma crew grew thicker skins before this movie. I only sort of did. Maybe because no one ever actually invested in this film, having already predicted how much it would be garbage from the dumb humor in the trailers. Oh, but not me. I was a fool. Also my family picked it for a movie night so my fate was sealed anyway.

The original book is actually pretty frightening on its own. Food falls from the sky in such great numbers that it starts to destroy the world. Okay, that's terrifying. But kind of in the alluring way. I would keep coming back to the one page about the giant pancake on the school because the way it was drawn unsettled me so, with something huge and immovable blocking off the way to a building that usually has hundreds of innocent children inside. The film built on this and made it a thousand times worse.

Let's start with the goddamn Spray-On Shoe. Our main character is a mad scientist (but the good kind, apparently) whose list of bumbling failed experiments dates back to when he was a child and invented a spray you could put on your feet to coat them in shoes. He then gets laughed at because he didn't engineer a way to get the shoes off, and runs home in humiliation. Guys, the teasing/bullying factor is...not the most worrying thing about this story. There's a throwaway line about how Flint wears THE SAME SHOES into adulthood because to that day they simply cannot be removed. This seems like an incredibly urgent medical problem? Having your feet encased in the same rubber for years? The same rubber as when you're a kid? I just found myself thinking "What if my shoes never came off one day" and that terrifies me, okay? It's stupid and it's silly and it scares me. Even more than that, though, is the canonization of a polymer in this universe that can be sprayed on sticky and will literally never break no matter what you do to it, because that goes back to the pie machine dough principle. Being glued to a surface permanently is inherently terrifying and we'll go over this later because this is not the last fuckin time the glue shoes get brought up.

Flint invents a food-spewing machine. It ends up in the sky. He rides his popularity as it rains larger and larger food down upon the town and also the world. Most of this film up until the climax is unsettling but not AWFUL. Where it starts to go to shit is when Flint realizes his machine is too dangerous and shuts it off, only for the town's local greedy politician to switch it back on into an apocalyptic mode. So can we start with "Local town finds out its elected official is willing to sabotage their well-being in order to capitalize on the fame of a disaster-causing object?". Like, the whole film would've been solved so much sooner if there hadn't been a saboteur in the works - not a fun campy villain, mind you, but a saboteur who exists to drive the plot to the scary place. But I guess we need that narrative tension to justify having a film in the first place, so fine, I'll ride it out.

The main crew saddles up to fly out to the machine, which is now encased in a FLESH LABYRINTH of food, and...I'm just gonna rapid-fire the shit that happens at this part:

-The food turns sentient in order to defend itself. The cute animal sidekick brutally dismembers an army of gummy bears that is fully sentient and rips them apart to devour them.

-We enter the flesh labyrinth and it's exactly as much a horror RPG setting as you think it is.

-Now sentient cooked chickens besiege the party. The comic relief character is consumed by one, only to kill it from the inside and decide to WEAR ITS SKIN in what is seen as his defining character arc's conclusion. Wearing the skin of a dead monster allows him to forge his new identity.

-One of our party has to go back because of a tight passage lined with her deadly allergen, causing her to undergo anaphylaxis after an accidental mild nick. In the flesh labyrinth.

-The entire horrific journey is instantly INVALIDATED when it turns out that instead of the kill code for the machine, all Flint has is a file of a cat video. Which he finds out as the town is about to be obliterated off the face of the earth.

-So he solves it by jamming the works with the spray-on shoe and DID I NOT JUST GO OVER HOW HORRIFIC INDUSTRIAL EXPLOSIONS ARE IN KIDS' MOVIES? DID I NOT? ARE WE REALLY DOING THIS AGAIN? Anyway it's canonical proof that NOTHING can break the shoe glue and I should be happy for the town and happy that there's no more flesh labyrinth of living meat but instead I'm just terrified because of the door we have opened. We have imparted the existence of an indestructible sticky polymer upon the world.

-It's later seen used in a credits sequence to repair damaged houses. Which, first of all, given its flexible nature, is fuckin stupid. It won't serve as an actual wall. Second, that got me thinking about construction accidents involving the fuckin shoe glue. If that stuff gets dripped on a person's face -

-So then cue me sitting awake in bed later thinking wide-eyed about Cloudy with a Chance of Fucking Meatballs and realizing that this compound that is essentially a chemical weapon in the making is now in the hands of the mayor who deliberately caused an apocalyptic event over the town because he wanted the food rain. And THAT'S not going to lead to pretty circumstances.

I think you'll see that a lot of my fears with these two movies is "THINK OF THE IMPLICATIONS!" and I think that just shows how my mind works and why I'm drawn to fanfic so much. I'm all about diving into a universe, exploring its corners, analyzing it to death.

And with the industrial horror stuff, I kinda wanna bring it around to two other films that actually really subverted my expectations and made it fun. 102 Dalmatians was a fave of mine through middle school, but I remember when the climax took us to a big ol' factory and I got plumb nervous. After the usual blades and ovens of horror, the fact that it concludes with Cruella basically wearing a cake and a lengthy montage of the dogs kicking toppings onto her is just one of the most wholesome imageries. She survived the thing and now you get to watch her be decorated Lisa Frank style by her victims who are more interested in humiliation than murder, and I love that.

But maybe more prevalent is that I'm well aware that if certain filmography or plot points had been handled in different ways, The Boxtrolls might've actually frightened the ever-loving fuck out of me what with all the industrial stuff and medical horror, but I just...felt like that film was holding my hand the whole way through going "It's okay." The industrial stuff was framed in a way that was just campy enough and yet also taken seriously. Putting a really charismatic villain - ACTUAL VILLAIN, NOT CHICKEN FARMER OR CORRUPT POLITICIAN SABOTEUR - at the wheel was just such a mitigating factor that it gelled the whole thing together and I ended up LOVING what was done with giant machines and garbage crushers and explosions. And as for the medical body horror, I really appreciate how it was so baked in that Snatcher did that to himself - that everyone, EVERYONE warned him "Do not do this, you will probably die, I'm serious, bad fucking idea" up to the point of Eggs trying to plead him during an anaphylaxis attack, one last time, DO NOT continue down this path, we can find a way to heal you psychologically and get you some self-fulfillment. And Snatcher fully chooses hubris over the many, many opportunities offered him to be able to step down onto a safer path and that removes the fear and pulls it more into a tragedy for the villain. Not at all the same thing as "Sam the reporter is trying to save the world and doing her best until a fixture of the landscape accidentally sends her into anaphylaxis."

(Oh, and by the way, can I just - when I do see CWACOM brought up these days, it's always in the context of "This is the one movie where the guy tells the girl it's okay to look nerdy!". Well, no, not the way I remember it. The way I remember it, Sam basically tells Flint "I used to have really tacky style but have since changed it up of my own volition" and Flint is just like "NOOOOO YOU NEED TO WEAR GLASSES AND A SCRUNCHIE. I WANT A HOT NERD GIRL." This could've been pulled off right with some more introspection into female beauty standards, even in a tongue-in-cheek way, but right now it really looks like Sam just wanted to make herself more glam for a new image and Flint bullied her into regressing her style. Which I've also realized meant he bullied her into dressing more like she did as a teenager and normally I think that kind of shit is just "You're overthinking it" but since it's CWACOM and I spelled it out on paper like that, I'm just now realizing how that can be seen as pretty...icky.)

The one saving grace of CWACOM is that I was older by that time, and so it didn't affect me as hard as Chicken Run. But I still hold it dearly to my heart as one of the MOST DISTURBING movies I know, and by "dearly" I mean "fuck this movie, really and truly." I want to extend my thanks to 102D and Boxtrolls for giving me industrial-horror-based climaxes that were actually really comfortable, and again, probably what drove both of these was the fact that we had a campy diva villain in the lead for the potential scary stuff to surround and radiate off. Not a fuckin...ordinary chicken farmer who is just trying to make bank but is somehow passed as a Nazi allegory for trying to live her life as a farmer? I dunno, maybe if I rewatched that film I'd see she has a thirst for human blood too, and if I could fix fic Chicken Run my first order of business would be to give her a thirst for human blood instead of/in addition to chickens.

Anyway. Fuck both these films, EXCEPT for the fact that traumatizing scenarios can always be recast as whump material, and the next time I wanna do some crossover aftercare from a physically and psychologically damaging mission, I have a pie machine and a flesh labyrinth to exploit. REALLY HEAVY ON THAT AFTERCARE COMFORT THOUGH!

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wongpuppy · 5 years

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DREAM GIRL, huang xuxi

↳ Rating fluffy

↳ Pairing fratboy!Xuxi x Y/N

↳ Word count 1.8k [ one-shot ]

↳ Summary you knew you would never be able to forget it, the way fratboy!Xuxi’s hazy eyes twinkled when he called you his dream girl

includes mentions of marijuana and getting high, be advised

A loud knock jolted you up from your laptop, blinking quick when you realize your eyes have been glued to your screen and on this essay for nearly 5 hours straight. The time read 4:45am and almost perfect timing, as you were on the last sentence of the dreadful essay.

“Come in!”

Your apartment was almost jam-packed with boys. You gladly let five of the NCT boys stay in the guest room and living room since their frat house was getting some work done, and to be honest they loved it. Mark, Jungwoo, Haechan, Jaemin, Xuxi, and you definitely got a lot closer the past three days and knowing they still had a couple more days to stay did not make you mad at all.

Xuxi’s head popped through the opened door, face lighting up when he sees you definitely awake and in need up a little pick-me-up. “I am so glad you’re awake, Y/N. I need some help.”

Huang Xuxi was a the true class clown of Seoul University, always joking around with a bright smile and a loud laugh. He was insanely popular too, with his crazy good looks and cheerful persona, popularity came naturally to him. Girls flocked to him left and right and just because you weren’t necessarily one of them did not mean that you didn’t have a crush on the tall gorgeous man.

You beckon him in your room with weary eyes, as he sways in with his hands holding something behind his back. “Depends, if you need me to do your homework or lab then fuck no, sorry. I just wrote a 15,000 word essay in a day. I think I burned the insides of my eyes.”

“That’s great!” He then proceeds to jump on your bed and looks outside your window that presented a beautiful view of downtown Seoul at night with the full moon gleaming low and seemingly about to touch tops of buildings.

“I mean, not great for you obviously... But great because I am the provider of your solution, Y/N.”

From behind his back, Xuxi pulls out a crazy packed joint that made you laugh the minute he held it out in front of him. His smile was wide with pride and paired with the ‘ta-da’ he muttered when he first showed it, 4:47am became your favorite time of day.

“You really are the best person of them all, Xuxi.” Typing up the last word of the essay, you danced in your desk chair for a second, much to Xuxi’s amusement, before submitting it. “What are you doing awake anyway?”

“I just couldn’t fall asleep.” He shrugs and plays with his rings a little. “I remembered I had weed, so I rolled this bad boy up and saw your lights were on.”

“Jungwoo didn’t want to smoke?” You turn off your laptop and turn to him in the swirly chair.

Jungwoo and Xuxi chose to sleep in the living room, taking two couches that were actually really comfortable; as seen by the fact that it collectively takes them around two hours to fully wake up and get up every morning.

“Nah, he doesn’t smoke. Mark, Haechan, and Jaemin would be down but they’re asleep.” He gets a lighter from his shorts pocket with a wink thrown at you. “Plus, I know you have a sick view of downtown from your room.”

Shaking your head, you close your laptop and take the ashtray from your desk. The queen sized bed fit the two of you perfectly, not having to awkwardly squeeze. “You do know the whole apartment has a view of downtown, right?”

He motions you over with his big hands towards the window. “Yeah but if you look close enough...” His eyes scan the view before he grins and points at a barely recognizable restaurant sign that has your eyes rolling. “Best kimchi in Seoul, I promise you.”

“Unbelievable. You really are a little coo-coo, aren’t you.”

Xuxi smirks, lighting the joint and inhaling. “It’s what the ladies love.”

Scoffing, you lay on your side and look up at him while he smokes. You couldn’t help but allow to be distracted by the rebellious side to Huang Xuxi that not many people saw, with a joint hanging from his mouth and the left side of his lips always up in a half-smile. “I never tried the kimchi at that place, is it really that good?”

The tall boys eyes widen and he coughs, choking on the inhale. “Are you serious? It’s one of my favorite restaurants in Seoul!”

Xuxi hands you the joint and you take it gratefully, needing something to calm you down after the 4 venti iced lattes you chugged in order to focus on and throughout writing the essay.

“You know what, I’ll take you there tomorrow.”

You exhale the smoke and instantly, the strength of the weed hits you at full force, making you wince slightly knowing only one puff got you half-way high already. “Don’t you and the boys need to do something with Taeyong tomorrow?”

All Xuxi does is shrug, looking around your room with slightly glazed eyes. “I don’t need to go, the other guys do though. We’ll just go together, if you want to anyway.”

You pause before taking a puff, telling yourself not to think about how casually he just asked you go eat with him. It wasn’t like he fully asked you out on a date, it was just kimchi. It was definitely your butterflies making you feel as though he was instigating something else, so you take another puff before handing him the joint. “Yeah, I’d love to, Xuxi. We just need to change the subject before munchies hit and I start to crave kimchi at 5 am.”

Xuxi’s iconic bellowing laughter pours out of him and he raises his hands to cover his mouth, realizing his laugh is too loud at this time of the morning. You bite down on your bottom lip looking at him, not being able to stop the large grin from finding its way to your face. Xuxi’s hands fall from his face and a soft, wide smile grows on his face that showcased his white teeth as he keeps looking at you. The way he looks at you is almost too soft, too gentle and too caring, it all makes your cheeks turn slightly pinker.

“You have a really, really nice smile, Y/N.”

You can’t help but giggle, the high making you act before you think. “I really like your smile too, Xuxi.”

He takes a long drag of the spliff and gives you a dopey grin. “Yeah but yours is my favorite.”

You giggle again, this time shaking your head and rolling your eyes as he ashes the joint. “You’re just saying that because you’re high.”

“That’s not true, Y/N,” he hands you the joint and licks his lips when his glassy eyes scan your face. “You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever met. Definitely when I’m completely sober too. You know the whole view thing was kinda BS, right? I mean, I like your view, but I like your company a lot more. I didn’t come here to smoke with you just because no one else could.”

Raising an eyebrow, you force yourself to maintain eye contact with Xuxi and all his stoned glory. “You don’t mean that.”

His face pulls up into a goofy smile that has your heart skipping beats. The honey brown in his iris’ more prominent from the pink and streaks of red that surrounds them. “I 100% mean it.” His smile seems to just get bigger as his eyes switch between your eyes to your nose and across your face. “So beautiful.”

You cough out the smoke and shake your head at him, face probably resembling a tomato. “We’ve known each other for a year and this is the first time you’ve ever said anything like that to me.”

Xuxi’s eyes are almost doe-like by now, face set in a permanent one sided smile. The way he’s gazing at you makes you fiddle with the necklace around your neck. “I always thought you were gorgeous, ever since Mark introduced us. I just didn’t know how to tell you, it’s always been us and the boys. Never just us, you know what I mean?”

You really couldn’t believe where this conversation was going. Having went from nearly crying over an essay to getting high and having Xuxi look at you like you were some sort of goddess was definitely not what you expected from your day.

The joint was forgotten on the ashtray and the two of you just kept eye contact until Xuxi laughed a little to himself, sitting up on his elbows to look at you a bit closer. “I probably went about this the wrong way but I want to take you out on a date. It doesn’t have to be the kimchi place, we can go to the ice skating rink or the park, but I really want to take you out because I really like you, Y/N. I know I’m high but I’m so fucking into you, Y/N... God, you’re like my dream girl.”

Your eyes widen instinctively, the way dream girl coming from Xuxi replaying over and over in your head again and making your cheeks bright, fire hydrant red and your breath to catch. Being someone’s dream girl was something you never thought about, the idea that you were making you want to combust on the spot.

You didn’t know what it was, maybe it was the high or intensity in the way he was looking at you but all you could focus on were his hands that were too busy fumbling with the silver rings that adorned his fingers. You knew your whole face was ruby red and your mouth set in a permanent smile.

“Xuxi, of course I’ll go on a date with you. Of course. And the kimchi place is your favorite restaurant, yeah? We can still do that tomorrow.”

The boy across from you smiled so wide you definitely knew it must’ve hurt. But Xuxi didn’t seem bothered the slightest.

“I like you too, Xuxi.” You said after a few minutes of just dumbly smiling at each other. “And I’m not just saying that because I’m high.”

He wiggled his shoulders in a short victory dance that made you laugh and shake your head with a painfully wide smile. “I’m so happy you said that, but didn’t we agree that we wouldn’t talk about kimchi anymore? Because now I’m craving it.”

Not caring about the time or the people sleeping in your apartment, your room was filled with your laughter that quickly ignited Xuxi to join in too. And that’s how it was for 10 straight minutes, the two of you laughing at nothing in particular and purely just enjoying each others company.

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adamwatchesmovies · 5 years

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The Worst of 2019 (So Far)

And now we get to the opposite of yesterday’s post: the worst of what we’ve seen so far. Time to give them a proper thrashing before they (hopefully) fade into obscurity. Disappointingly, there's a general lack of films that were bad but in an interesting way. Mostly, it’s either been the same sorta dreck we usually get with a couple of unusually offensive stories and a couple of soul-crushingly bad superhero flicks. Curious? Read on.

10. Serenity

I like to save my #10 spot on the “Worst of” list for a movie that has a chance of becoming a favorite among those who love bad movies. Serenity is competently enough made that it does not belong in the same category as The Identical or Runaway. It’s another kind of bad movie, the kind that baffles anyone who sees it and who will have film historians scratching their heads in the future. It’s not quite on the same level as 2017’s “The Book of Henry” but close. Top-notch actors at the top of their career in a story so poorly conceived it would’ve been brilliant if it weren’t awful and utterly absurd.

The revelation that everything we've been seeing is actually part of a video game programmed by an angry teen who hates his abusive father, and that his actions are tied to those of Matthew McConaughey's character is the kind of nutty decision someone at some point should've questioned. My advice? Surprise some unsuspecting friends with it. Periodically pause the movie so they can write down how they think it'll all fit together and then watch their faces as they're proved wrong.

9. After

I’m not going to remember After down the line so this is my opportunity to give it another flogging. I can’t believe fan-fictions of real people is a real thing and that one of them was deemed legitimate and popular enough to be turned into a movie. It plays out like the clone of a clone of a clone of Twilight. At least that movie had danger in the form of vampires and werewolves. This has nothing to offer except embarrassing drama and a prepubescent’s idea of what romance and love look like. I saw it in the theater with a friend and thank goodness she was there; it made what would've been a chore... slightly more bearable.

8. Dumbo

I’ve already gone on about how I feel about Disney’s string of live-action remakes. For the most part, they fail to validate their own existences; they’re just copies of the original but with “real” actors dancing around animated backgrounds, objects and locations instead of everything being traditionally animated. Dumbo isn’t like Aladdin and Beauty and the Beast. It does try new things. It diverges from the source material significantly in the worst way. The titular character winds up playing second banana to a bunch of circus performers no one cares about and in the end didn’t contain an inkling of the emotion the 1941 version did.

7. Dark Phoenix

This one’s a triple-whammy. Not only was it a deeply disappointing way for Fox’s X-Men series to end, it retreaded old material in a way that was worse than X-Men 3: The Last Stand AND it was a box office bomb. By the time the story finally comes alive… it’s just about over. The whole thing feels like a mistake, bringing in aliens and asking us to invest in characters we just haven’t had enough time to fall in love with. Makes me wonder what the future of the characters is going to be like. Yes there are a number of heroes and heroines we haven’t yet seen, but are people going to care, even when the brand gets a new coat of paint from Marvel Studios?

6. Men in Black: International

Was anyone asking for the Men in Black series to return? Maybe if they'd had a dynamite story this could’ve overcome the public’s general disinterest, but this was an extremely generic plot you could figure out easily minutes in and lost touch with what endeared us to the first. Even with the combined forces of Tessa Thompson and Chris Hemsworth failed, it to generate many laughs. Worse, to make sure I got any references or Easter egg it might drop, I re-watched all of the previous Men in Black movies, including the horrific Men in Black 2.

5. Replicas

This movie goes about itself in such a convoluted way. First, Keanu Reeves plays a scientist working for a company that wants to transplant the mind of dead soldiers into androids. Then, his family is killed in a car crash, prompting him to use the mind transfer tech to put their memories into new clone bodies of themselves. Problem is, he only has the means to clone three out of four family members. This means he has to erase all memories of his youngest daughter from the others’ brains. Following me so far? Good because it keeps going from there. Actually, that’s just the start of it. It’s a classic case of TMSGO - too much sh*t goin’ on. Even with all that, it STILLL managed to have gaping plot holes. No surprise it came and went as quietly as possible.

4. Hellboy

This one hurt. I wanted to see a superhero horror film badly. The early interviews I read about them wanting to adapt Mike Mignola’s books more closely than the Del Toro films got me excited. I was a little apprehensive when the trailers showed some goofy stuff but I figured these were included to draw people in. I should've listened to that sinking feeling. The actual film is awful, one giant mistake after another. Without a doubt, this featured the year’s worst special effects and even this I could've forgiven but the would-be humorous tone was badly misjudged and the story bloated with way too many elements that might've worked... if we weren't also trying to tell the character's origin at the same time. Hellboy ends with a teaser promising more and there’s no way we would’ve seen a sequel even if this had made money at the box office. Cool demons though, for what it’s worth.

3. Shaft

Looking back, I’m struggling to think of anything worth seeing in Shaft. I hated the film’s approach at comedy, particularly when it reverted Samuel L. Jackson’s John Shaft into the kind of man who proudly doesn’t understand modern sensibilities and spews out one homophobic joke after another. The plot was uninspired and uninteresting - not to mention generic - and none of it felt like it belonged on the big screen. On the upside, it prompted me to view the original trilogy with Richard Roundtree and those were enjoyable.

2. Simmba

Simmba is unlikely to be on the “Worst of 2019” list next January. It probably won’t be at the #2 spot. The film mixes two wildly different tones but not well. It begins as a romantic crime comedy, a dated one, sure. Simmba staging a phoney crime in order for the woman he’s attracted to to call him for help and then use the call as an excuse to stay with her through the night is creepy but I guess it might’ve passed like 20 years ago in North America. What makes this a bad film is the way it then introduces a character’s gang rape and murder as a way to prompt the anti-hero onto a righteous path. From there, it turns into this vigilante revenge film that has disturbing implications. You probably haven’t heard of it before now, much less seen it. I don’t recommend you check it out.

Runner Ups:

Aladdin

A controversial choice, as many casual filmgoers seem to have fallen madly in love with it (similar to the way they ate up 2017’s Beauty and the Beast) but honestly, what does this film do better than 1992’s Aladdin? Add an unmemorable song for Princess Jasmine to sing? Reduce the number of talking animals in order to give us more… nothing? Pile on the CGI to the point you wonder why it was made with live-actors in the first place? Like the innumerable direct-to-video sequels of classic films who've been all but forgotten, I tell you this Arabbian adventure won't endure.

Tolkien

So much potential squandered on a boring story. It didn’t take an astute viewer to recognize the film was crippled by the studio failing to obtain the rights to Tolkien’s actual work. I get the feeling we'll see another shot at a biography of J.R.R. Tolkien in a couple of years and this will be the Christopher Robin to the much superior Goodbye Christopher Robin.

The Hustle

It’s an unfunny comedy, what more is there to say? Rebel Wilson makes yet another bad career choice playing the same character she always plays. I only realized it was a remake of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels while writing my review, which is unfortunate. Hopefully I can expunge this film from my memory soon enough and forget anything it might’ve spoiled about the original Bedtime Story or the 1988 remake.

1. Unplanned

The numerous instances of technical incompetence - mostly coming from the performers who are given lackluster material - would be enough to condemn Unplanned to this list. What made me hate the film is the way it blatantly lies and attempts to manipulate the audience into further entrenching themselves in a certain point of view through cheap, manipulative means. I can respect that genuine passion was poured into the project but the way it goes about it is shameful. Do not go see it, even if you're curious.

Yuck. That last one really left a bad taste in my mouth so I'm going to talk about a movie I did enjoy and am enthusiastic to direct you towards Alita: Battle Angel. Rosa Salazar as the titular Alita impressed me and I really dug the action scenes. I'll also right a wrong from last year by reminding you to find and watch Paddington and Paddington 2, both movies I should've put on my "Best of" lists the years they came out. I don't know what I was thinking but I keep coming back to these in my head. They're excellent for kids and adults.

And with that said, the list is over. Back to our regularly-scheduled film reviews until something big comes up. Thoughts or comments on the list are welcome and I hope you enjoyed reading.

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twentyghosts · 5 years

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Fanfic Stats

I was tagged by @trammelsb! Thanks!

This is interesting because I usually do a year-end fic meme but I’m not sure I’ve done one like this for my entire ~body of work~.

Author name: heyjupiter

Fandoms I write for: MCU, X-Men movieverse, occasional other Marvel comics, Breaking Bad. (I’d say Breaking Bad is probably a past-tense wrote for fandom at this point, but who knows? Never say never. Especially if/when they release the movie?!)

Where I post: AO3. I do have some older abandoned stuff on FFN but...AO3.

Most popular one shot: By kudos, it’s Late Registration, which is a bit weird--it’s a little bit of fluff that I coughed up for @sciencebrosweek last year. It’s certainly not the best thing I’ve ever written, but who can predict the invisible hand of fandom? By hits, it’s Five Times Mike Ehrmantraut Was Surprised By Jesse Pinkman (And One Time He Wasn't), which is the first canon-compliant Breaking Bad fic I wrote, and something I definitely spent way more time writing than Late Registration. But it has almost 23,000 hits which is like.....18,000 more hits than anything else I’ve ever written?? And I don’t know why??? And it definitely does not have a commensurate amount of kudos. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Most popular multi-chapter story: It’s To Protect & To Serve, which I wouldn’t have expected? It’s a Breaking Bad story I wrote for a Blue Christmeth gift, except I was uncomfortable with the original request (which shipped Jesse/Mike) so I turned into a gen Jesse & Mike story that was meant to be a one-shot, but enough people asked for more that I ended up turning it into a 10-chapter story? Which I don’t usually start posting longer stories until I’m finished writing them, so it was kind of fun to fly by the seat of my pants like that. But also nerve-wracking!

Favorite story I wrote: Oh, maybe my Avengers library AU, Judging By The Cover? I’m sure that I have improved as a writer since then but the premise is obviously very near and dear to my heart. Also I feel like I’m doing my part to get the word out about how ridiculous publisher pricing for library ebooks is!

Story you were nervous to post: All of them? Any time something is meant as a gift fic I’m always very nervous about if the recipient will like it. I was nervous to post Baking Bad, which is of course a Breaking Bad coffeeshop AU fic, because it’s such a goofy premise for such a Serious Canon (compared to when I write weird shit for comics and comics-adjacent fandoms, which like, I’m never going to write anything as weird as the shit in comics). But nobody like, bullied me out of Breaking Bad fandom for it, so that was fine. Also The Winter Smizer, which was not only a gift fic but also a gift fic that the recipient paid money for (in a charity auction) and also a pairing (Steve/Bucky) I’ve never written for and also a cracky premise (America’s Next Top Model AU). Ack!

How do you choose your titles: 50% song lyrics, 50% single word/short phrase/pun that relates to the central theme of the story?

Do you outline: For longer stories, kind of?

How many stories: 153 posted to AO3 :O 840,267 words :O

Do you take prompts: I don’t not take them? I’m always flattered when anyone wants to read more of something I wrote! But some prompts will ping my brain in a way that inspires me to write them very quickly and some don’t.

Story you are most excited to write: @godlessondheimite & I started outlining a story to co-write that I’m very excited about!

Tag Five Fanfic Authors to Answer These Questions (as always, zero pressure!): Trammel tagged most of the folks I would have, but I’ll add @godlessondheimite @fourteenacross @ellewritesfiction @kimmycup and, of course, anyone else who feels like doing this!

#meme #writing #dumb stuff i make up

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kumkaniudaku · 6 years

Text

Look At Me

A/N: The second Halloween fic. I had high hopes for this, but ended up cutting a lot to save y’all from a 10,000 world one-shot. Still, I hope you enjoy my first attempt at spooky (?) things.

Warnings: Horror themes. Not proofread...yet.

Word Count: 5,074

In a year of firsts for the young couple, Chadwick and Tasha had finally arrived at the eight-month mark of their relationship and a beloved tradition for them: Halloween. In college, Tasha was known to drag Chadwick to parties across the campus, often convincing him to attend despite his general disdain for the holiday. To him, dressing up in an uncomfortable costume to stand around and maybe dance for a few hours wasn’t worth hassle. For Tasha, the fun of dressing up and stepping outside of normal life was exciting.

This year, however, the roles had mysteriously reversed. Chadwick was excited to put together the Laura Winslow and Steve Urkel couple’s costume he had spent weeks preparing while Tasha seemed to be on edge. The unsettling suspicion that this year was not normal sat on her shoulders like a heavy cloak, and she couldn’t shake the feeling.

Even as she stood in the mirror examining her outfit from all angles, the thought passed through her mind in a never-ending loop.

“Oooooh, Laura,” Chadwick sang, putting on a nasally tone to embody Steve Urkel's essence. Tasha rolled her eyes and continued to stare in the mirror to judge the length of her skirt in the back. Chadwick rested his body against the door frame for a moment, admiring the woman in front of him. “Wow, you look nice. The short wig reminds me of how big your head was back then.”

“Hardy-har-har, Aaron. Aren’t you just the comedian this evening.”

Chadwick took immediate note of Tasha’s despondent tone and quirk a bushy brow over the frame of his glasses, “You okay, Co? This is your thing, but you’ve been out of it all day. Wanna talk about it?”

“I just - I don’t know. Forget it,” she answered while waving him off. “It’s all in my head.”

“You sure?”

“I’m positive.” Chadwick watched Tasha move around the bedroom in curious silence as she searched for items to stick into her purse. “So, where are we going again? And who all is coming? You haven’t given me any details yet.”

“It’ll be the usual suspects. Me, you, your friends....my friends.”

“Your friends like who?” Tasha could sense that her fiance was being vague on purpose, but would not let him skate by without providing answers.

“Shit…you know, friends!”

“Are any of these friends Maurice? The one I can’t stand.”

“No!”

“You’re lying,” Tasha accused, eyeing him closely to catch a glimpse of the subtle signs that pointed to his dishonesty. Sure enough, his left hand flew to the back of his neck to fiddle with the coiled hairs at the nape, a sure-fire indication that he was being less than truthful.

“What? I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“Then you better stop talking now, because all I hear is a lie.”

Accepting defeat, Chadwick moved to kneel in front of his lady to begin the second phase of the begging process. “Hear me out, baby. I know you and him don’t see eye to eye, b-”

“Say it how it is. I don’t like him. He’s an egotistical asshole who always gets his “friends” into problems that they end up solving because he is too inept to figure them out by himself. Now, you may continue.”

“Damn, that’s how you really feel?”

“I was holding back for your sake. I can keep going if you want me to.”

“No,” Chadwick exclaimed to stop the onslaught of less than savory comments he was expecting to receive. “I’ll pass, thank you. I promise, though, nothing will happen. The first moment you get uncomfortable, we’ll leave. Deal?”

“Can I get that in writing?”

“Only if I can get a kiss.” A short stare-off between the two preceded and gentle kiss and a few giggles from Tasha. “I promise, nothing will happen tonight.”

“You damn right. Not as long as I have something to say about it. Now, if you don’t mind, please step to the side. You’re squishing my sneakers.”

Looking down, Chadwick noticed his knee creating a dent at the toe of Tasha’s Nike’s that were peeking from beneath the bed. Now presented the perfect opportunity to debut what he’s been working on all day.

A sneaky smirk spread across his face as he locked eyes with Tasha. She knew that look all too well. He was about to unleash something silly that would either annoy her or send her into a fit of giggles.

“Don’t say it.”

“I’m saying it.”

“Please, no.”

“Too late,” he smiled, taking a pause for dramatic effect. “Did I do that?”

“You said it. That’s it. We’re staying here.”

“Wait, no,” Chadwick called after Tasha as she made her way into the Master bathroom. “I was joking, baby. I won’t say it again!”

__________

Tasha watched trees pass the window in large green blurs, trying to ignore the churning in her gut that she thought she’d gotten rid of before leaving the house. Chadwick’s hand rested comfortably on her thigh in an attempt to soothe his fiance without words. If had known that coordinating Halloween antics with Maurice would make her this upset, he would’ve settled for the industry party he was invited to. Unfortunately, it was too late.

“You’re listening to KFI AM 640 where we give you more stimulating talk. Hey, look, before you go out with your friends or your lady to celebrate Spooky Season as the kids call it, let this tidbit of information set the mood.”

Talk radio, or any radio for that matter, playing in the car was a rarity for Chadwick. He preferred his curated old school hip-hop and classic r&b stations across the popular streaming platforms. Had his mind been focused on the sounds around him, he would’ve changed the settings and reconnected to the Bluetooth.

“Today, Halloween, is the 25th anniversary of the Castleberry Murders. All you transplants and tourist don’t know what that is, but around here, the Castleberry Estate is off limits. The story goes like this. John Castleberry, son of Diane and Elias Castleberry was a soft-spoken kid that didn’t get much attention from his parents because of their acting careers. When he turned 21, he decided he was fed up with his parents’ treatment and murdered his family in their sleep. According to police reports and documentaries, the murder was so gruesome, detectives refused to enter the crime scene.”

“Aaron, turn that off,” Tasha requested, snapping Chadwick out of his thoughts.

“What? What’s wrong?”

“Wanna know what the craziest part about all this is? John was never caught. There’s people that say he still lives in the city limits. Others say he works in the film industry overseas to get the attention his parents never gave hi-”

“That’s what’s wrong. Turn it off!”

“It’s just a story, Co. It’s probably not even true.”

“That’s not the point. Please, turn it off.”

“Okay, okay.” Chadwick relented with no further protest. Using the directional pad on his steering wheel, he attempted to change the station but found that the system wasn’t responding.

“I’m out of here in a few, but here are some spooky toons to hold you until I get back.”

“Chadwick!”

“Fuck, I’m trying! It won’t switch the station.”

“There is someone walking behind you...” Vocals from The Vogues meant to serve as a romantic reminder filled the front seat with chilling energy that neither passenger had ever felt before. “There is someone watching your footsteps. Turn around, look at me.”

“Please! I’m scared!”

Chadwick struggled with the knob on the radio to no avail, leaving the song to play and distort under its own power. Having had enough of fighting with the object, the palm of his hand collided with the button to shut the system down completely.

Tasha’s labored breaths became the only sound for several moments as she fought to stop her heart from playing a deafening concerto in her ears.

“I-I don’t know what happened. I guess it’s time for maintenance,” Chadwick whispered more to himself than to anyone else. The car came to a slow stop at a red light, giving him the chance to turn and look Tasha. “You okay?”

“No! I am not okay. I’m everything, but okay, right now.”

“Calm down, T.”

“Calm down?! Are you serious, Chadwick? You don’t any of this strange?”

“I told you that it’s time for maintenance. Look,” he added before pointing to the digital dashboard. “Right there. The light just came on.”

Tasha leaned forward for a better look to confirm Chadwick’s findings. Sure enough, an amber light stood out among the rest to indicate the car needed to be serviced as soon as possible.

“Everything is gonna be okay, baby. You gotta trust me.” Chadwick was careful with his movements as he reached over the middle console to interlace his fingers with Tasha’s. Bringing her hands to his mouth, he places a tender kiss to her knuckles. “We’re having fun tonight. Don’t let that trash ass song and fake story ruin our good time.”

Chadwick’s goofy smile and the playful twinkle in his eyes helped to release some of the tension Tasha was holding, leading to an audible sigh of relief.

“Whatever. But, Aaron, I swear if I start feeling weird again -”

“We have to leave. I know, baby. I plan to keep my word.”

“Mhmm,” she mumbled between pecks from Chadwick. “We’ll see. Focus on catching this light before I have to smack this old ass lady. Go around us, damn!”

Directions provided by Siri led the couple to a run-down venue surrounded by unkempt shrubbery. This time, it was Chadwick’s turn to battle with an uneasy feeling as he took a look around the property for any sign of life.

“Let me guess, Maurice told you about this place, huh?”

“Don’t start, Co.”

“That’s what you should’ve told his dumb ass,” Tasha ranted under her breath. “Should I call him and let him know we won’t be staying or will you do the honors?”

“Give him time to show up, then we’ll tell him. I want to hear his explanation in person.”

“You really wanna sit here and watch him those beady eyes look back you and tell you a lie? Couldn’t be me.”

“Tasha, chill.” Chadwick’s was patience was wearing thin with his friend and sarcastic comments from the peanut gallery were not helping the cause. Though Tasha had more comments to unleash, a line of cars entering the lot kept them tucked behind her full lips. “See, we were just early. I’ll ask him what happened.”

“So, I can’t say anything?”

“Nothing.”

“Not even a little bit? Just a teeny tiny bit?”

Pulling his hand back into the care after waving Maurice over, Chadwick turned to give Tasha a stern look. “Nothing. Nada. Let me handle it and we can go.” Tasha’s desire to leave as soon as possible outweighed her need to chastise a grown man though she would’ve loved to hand Maurice a piece of her mind. Instead, she busied herself with social media apps while her man handled the issue.

The faint buzz of the windows rolling down filled the air until Chadwick’s recent friend dressed as Lucky from Poetic Justice was able to return Chadwick’s handshake inside the car.

“Aye man, what type of shit you got us at?”

“Me? You sent the text message with the directions. I was just about to ask you the same shit.”

“Bullshit. I didn’t even know this place existed. I got a text from an unknown number saying it was you and you had to get a new phone or something.”

“Nah, that can’t be right. This what you sent me this morning.” Maurice pulled his cell phone from his pocket to open is message app and show Chadwick the contents of the text he received earlier. “It’s all you brotha. I was just following directions.”

“Wha-,” Chadwick muttered, unable to finish his sentence as he read the message for the third time. While the contact name and number belonged to him, the message did not. “I didn’t send that. Here, you can look for yourself.”

Maurie copied Chadwick’s previous actions and read over the text message before handing the phone back to his friend. “I don’t know what the hell goin’ on, but we ain’t ‘bout to stay and try to figure the shit out. Y’all trynna hit up Avalon. My homeboy said he could get us in if we get there by 10.”

“That cool with you, baby,” Chadwick asked looking in your direction.

“Oh,” you started, feigning shock at being acknowledged. “Can I talk now, Master?”

Rolling his eyes, he rotated his head against the headrest to refocus his attention on Maurice.

“We’re coming. Just lead the way.” A short handshake to end the conversation sent Maurice to the other cars to relay the information. Chadwick focused on damage control and determining the new cause of Tasha’s attitude in the meantime. “What’s wrong with you now?”

“I’m fine. Ecstatic. Wonderful. Couldn’t be happier!”

“Stop, T. You’re not fine.”

“I just find it funny how he can suggest a new idea and you trip over yourself to make it happen, but I say I wanna stay home because I’m uncomfortable and it’s a big deal.” Chadwick opened his mouth to speak but was stopped before he could rattle of an excuse. “Save it. Start the car up so we can go.”

More interested in dropping the bubbling argument than ruining the remainder of the night, Chadwick turned the key in the ignition to restart the car. Instead of expected purr of the engine, their ears were met with a stalling sound and a hollow clunk. Several subsequent tries yielded the same results until there were no sounds at all.

Maurice and the remainder of the group faced the same issue, trying over and over to start their engines with no success.

“Yours down too, man,” Cedric, another member of the group called from his Porsche. “I just got this shit. It shouldn’t be acting like this.”

“This ain’t even my whip. The dealership gave me this until my car was finished in the shop. Keisha, get them niggas on the phone.”

“It’s Saturday at 9:30 pm, jackass,” Maurice’s wife called from the passenger side of their vehicle. “Ain’t nobody answering the damn phone.”

“We can take a look at it real quick and call somebody if we need to. Stay in here, T. This shouldn’t take long.”

Collectively, Cedric, Maurice, and Chadwick crowded around the hood of Maurice’s BMV to figure out the problem. When no answers turned up to explain how three different cars were suffering the same fate, Chadwick resorted to technology.

“Baby, see if we have cell phone service around here.”

“I already did. I have some, but not enough to hold a call.”

“Shit,” he cursed under his breath. “We don’t have service over here. Anybody else workin’ with something?”

Answers scattered across the group all ended with the same conclusion: there was no cell phone service, and seemingly no other hope but to walk until they could find help.

“Fuck it. There’s a cell phone tower going that way,” Maurice pointed out as he motioned ahead of the group. “If we all walk in the direction together, somebody gotta get some bars in the bitch.”

“Walk? In these shoes. Hell no,” Shameeka, Cedric’s girlfriend protested.

“Okay then, girl, stay by yourself. C’mon, Aaron. I don’t like the way this is turning out, so the quicker we figure out what’s happening, the quicker we can get out of here.”

Once the entire group agreed to walk together, the plan was set in motion. As Maurice suspected, the signal strength on everyone’s cell phone did increase. For once, it seemed as if the usually clueless grown man was able to figure out a problem.

“I got some bars,” Shameeka announced. “Baby, should I make the call or s-” A shrill scream cut the young woman’s inquiry short as the ground beneath her caved in. There was no opportunity to react before her body plummeted to steep fall, ending in a blood curdling scream and crunch that was sure to result in several broken bones.

“Yo, what fuck! Meeka! Meeka, can you hear me?” Cedric desperately shouted for his woman to respond, but no answer was returned.

A quick look over the hole left behind revealed two things: whatever she had fallen into was an orchestrated trap and Shameeka wouldn’t be responding anytime soon. Her body lay lifeless and horribly disfigured from the fall. The sight was too much for Tasha to handle, leaving her to bury her face into Chadwick’s chest.

“What the fuck, man? I ain’t come out for this shit. What’s going on.”

“Welcome to the Castleberry Estate,” as sinister voice began over unseen loudspeakers. “Are you ready for your close up?”

“Fuuuuck, fuck, fuck,” Keisha chanted. “Fuck, we gon’ die. We gon’ fuckin’ die and it’s your fault, Maurice!”

“I ain’t do shit! This was Chad’s idea.”

“Why the hell would I set us up to die, idiot? Just because you got us in some stupid shit doesn’t mean you can pass it off on me,” Chadwick accused as he began pacing in place. “I should’ve listen to Tasha. Fuck! I’m sorry, baby. You were right.”

“Shh,” Chatter and movement stopped at Tasha’s request as she came to a disturbing realization. “Did you hear what he said. The Castleberry Estate. The one from the-”

“Radio,” Chadwick finished. “It’s the story from the radio.”

“Y’all heard that too. We tried to change the station, but it - it wouldn’t work.”

“Ah, you all have gotten my invitation. I’m happy to have you here.”

“He can hear us,” Keisha questioned in fear.

“Of course I can hear you. I can see you as well. I’ve been able to see all of you for a while now. I’m glad you could make it.”

“What do you want from us?”

“Oh, the answer to that is simple, Chadwick. Perform...or die.”

“What? Why?”

“For years I watched my parents get sucked into the evil world of filmmaking. Everyday they would forget about me to make movies for audiences would never meet. Years later, all of you continue to engage in the same filth! And for what? To torment me day in day out with the same senseless babble that my parents started?”

Running his long fingers through the coils atop his head, Chadwick tried to make sense of the information being relayed to him from an unknown source.

“But what does that have to do with us? You got your revenge already!”

“I merely started my revenge. Tonight, I continue my quest to exterminate the industry one person at a time.”

Standing to his feet, Cedric took one last look at his girlfriend before addressing the group. “Man, fuck this. I’m leaving. Y’all can sit here and let this nigga with Mommy and Daddy issues scare y’all, but I’m going to find some help!”

“No, Ced, wait!”

Trying to stop him was futile. Cedric’s attempt to escape was shut down in seconds following an assumed rifle shot to the back of the head. Too afraid to make a sound, Tasha felt the wind rush out of her body as her knees gave out beneath her.

“There is no escape, but if anyone else would like to try, be my guest. I’ll try to make your death as painless as possible.”

Wails of terror interfered with Chadwick’s ability to process rational thoughts while he searched for a solution. The group of six had been cut down by two in a matter of minutes, leaving no discernable way of the clutches of the madman coordinating a sinister home movie.

“All we have to do is perform,” Chadwick shouted into the night sky to God knows who.

“Ding, ding, ding! The script is prepared. Stick to the role and you could make it out alive. Are you ready for your first scene?”

Chadwick scanned the leftover members of the group of the group hoping for any guidance on what they should do next. His comfort came from Tasha who had finally recovered from her dizzy spell to grab his hand.

A simple head nod was her way of agreeing to whatever he decided. If they were going to get through this, they would need each other. Maurice fought to calm his wife’s hysterical crying while Chadwick readied himself to provide an answer.

“The clock is ticking. Do we have a deal, or should I audition someone else?”

“We-we have a deal. Give us the first instructions.”

A dark laugh boomed across the lawn of the estate, bouncing from rickety iron fence to flickering light pole and back again.

“Wonderful. This first scene is improv. I’m sure you’re familiar with that Ms. Comedian,” the voice chuckled in reference to Keisha. “I’ve seen your shows, but I’m not impressed. Maybe you could redeem yourself here. The task is simple. Someone has to burn and you have 10 minutes to figure out who before I decide for you. The materials are in the front parlor of the house. And...action!”

The group exchanged looks steeped in terror and confusion before making a mad dash for the inside of the house. Swinging open the door put the gang face to face with the pungent odor of decay and waste. As promised, the short walk to the front parlor led them to an array of burning devices ranging from small fire to full-blown blaze.

“Eight minutes, people. Seven minutes fifty-nine... fifty-eight.”

“What are we gonna do?”

“I don’t wanna die, Mo! Please, don’t make me do this!”

“You not gon’ die, baby, I swear. Let us figure it out real quick. C’mon, we gotta figure this shit out! We gotta figure this shit out, man! Help, Chad!”

“Fuck, okay, let’s think!”

“We don’t have time for that shit. One of us is gonna fuckin’ die if we don’t figure this shit out.”

“Look,” Tasha shouted. “There’s some type of mannequin in the corner. Give me your dress!”

“What?”

“Do you wanna live or die?” Keisha studied Tasha’s face for a moment before silently slipping out of the red replica of Tina Turner’s iconic dress that covered her brown skin.

Tasha worked in relative silence while the group watched her dress and hang the mannequin from the ceiling. She was careful to angle the rigged body in a precise manner, though the reason was unknown to those around her. Ripping a piece of the curtain, she tucked the tattered fabric into the dress before turning to Maurice.

“Douse the end of this in the fluid and light it with a match. Don’t stand too close.” Tasha then turned her attention to Keisha to silently direct her to stand in the corner of the room and remain silent.

“Why can’t you do it?”

“Just shut the fuck up and do it dumbass. Do you wanna die in here tonight?”

Maurice seemed to give the idea serious thought until Keisha cleared her throat to get his attention. With a nudge from his wife, Maurice did as he was told. The blaze was bright enough to force the group to shield their eyes and it engulfed the mannequin before anyone could process what had just happened.

Seconds after the deed was done, feedback from the speakers made way for the voice on the other end.

“Now, that was a production. Well done, team. Keisha was a kind woman. I’m sure someone in the world will miss her. Are we ready for the second scene?” The voice waited for an answer but did not receive one. “A quiet bunch, I see. No worries. One of you won’t be so quiet during this next one. Down the hallway, you will find a bathroom. Let’s stage a peaceful night in gone wrong. I want to see sparks fly, Mr. Director. You have fifteen minutes until showtime!”

“Wait! Who is Mr. Director?”

Chadwick received no reply from the voice on the other end, only an ominous laugh and the soft thud of a microphone hitting a flat surface.

“T, what the fuck just happened back there.”

Looking around, Tasha took a step to her left and point to her mouth. “You have to read my lips,” she mouthed without sound. “There are cameras. Five of them. He can see and hear us. You have to stay out of the way.”

“How,” Chadwick questioned.

“Pay attention to me. I’ll tell you where to stand.”

All nodded in agreement before allowing Tasha to take the lead and usher them out of the room. A dingy bathroom not suitable for human visitor living or dead became the next set of the horror movie being filmed at their expense. Again, Tasha instructed Keisha to stand out of the way of the camera she had detected upon entry.

“Mo, I think you’re Mr. Director. This is your scene.”

“Oh my God,” he groaned, distraught at the revelation.

“Listen to me, maybe you can get out of this alive, but you gotta get in that tub.”

Maurice hesitated for a moment as fear paralyzed his body. Stepping out of eyesight, Tasha gave him careful instructions to enter the worn-in bathtub.

“You’re going to have to act. Aaron,” she mouthed from the corner. “Start the water.”

Chadwick hurriedly followed instructions as he tried his hardest to maintain a neutral expression without looking to Tasha for help.

“Keep your eyes forward,” she warned Maurice with a hand signal. “Two taps and then you shake.”

The plan was simple. Tasha would walk by the tub to knock the old radio close enough to the basin to make it look like it entered the water. A subtle tap to Maurice’s shoulder would alter him to begin the most important acting role of his life to make the death believable.

With the plan in motion, she expected everything to go as planned. What she didn’t count on was Keisha being unaware of what was happening around her. Genuine fear of her husband being electrocuted in front of her eyes terrified her into making an ill-fated decision.

As Tasha began the motion to knock the radio “into” the bathtub, Keisha lunged forward to stop the motion. Her effort to save her man became their demise as she mistakenly caused the device to fall into the murky water, sealing their painful death.

The smell of burning breath pulled the contents of Chadwick’s stomach forward as he doubled over to relieve himself of the nausea that had taken over.

“Wow, Tasha, I must say that I didn’t expect this from you. Chadwick maybe, but never you. I guess I had you pegged all wrong.” The voice from the speakers was louder and clearer than before. The disfigured and frightening man beyond the shadows emerged from an unknown area wielding a large knife. “What am I going to do with you, hmm?”

“Please, just let us out of here,” she pleaded, feeling the tears she’s been holding back pricking the back of her eyes.

“No can do, Princess. See, I was going to let you be the one to make it out of here. I’ve been watching you, and I like you. You’re not apart of this shit show industry and you’re smart. Almost too smart.”

Chadwick stood frozen in fear as the assailant, assumed to be John Castleberry, used his free hand to apply overwhelming pressure the area covering Tasha’s trachea. A pained gasp from the love his life nearly brought Chadwick to his knees.

“Not her! Please! Let me switch with her.”

“Oh don’t worry, Chadwick. Your time will come. First, you have to suffer.” A Cheshire grin spread across John’s face as he pressed the cold blade to her throat, drawing blood with every movement.

“Stop!”

“It’s over, baby,” Tasha whispered through her tears. “Run, Aaron! Don’t worry about me. It’s my turn to save you. I’ll see you soon. I-I love you.”

Chadwick watched the blade continue its journey across Tasha’s neck as he screamed a plea at the man metaphorically ripping his heart from his chest.

“No! Stop! Please, stop,” he chanted. “Stop!”

“Aaron! Aaron! Boy, would you shut up? I’m trying to sleep!”

Chadwick should up from the bed in a cold sweat, his eyes darting to each corner of the room to decipher his surroundings. Beside him, sporting a cold glare and the bonnet that he never thought he’d be excited to see, Tasha lay propped on her elbow to face him.

“Are we at home?”

“We’re both in your house, but I’m about to go back to mine if you don’t let me sleep. I have to work in the morning and you in here running from demons.”

Chadwick released a sigh of relief and a short laugh that confused Tasha.

“Baby, I had a dream that someone was about to kill you and make me watch. It felt so...so real!”

“I’d take a bullet to the head if it meant I could get some rest. Sweating all over on my side and shit. Are you finished with your Nightmare on Elm Street or should I go sleep in the other room.”

“I’m good,” he answered trying to convince himself more than Tasha. “I’m gonna go to the bathroom. I’ll be back.”

“Take as much time as you need. Maybe stay in the there for the next six hours. Sheesh.”

Chadwick let out another laugh at her antics. Relief began to replace fear as he entered his bathroom to compose himself. He was safe with the love of his life beside him after the most traumatic dream he’d ever had, and he couldn’t be happier.

Splashing a handful of cold water on his face, the sound of a car passing the house did little to get his attention.

“There is someone walking behind you…”

The tune playing from the vehicle made his body hot with anticipation as the memories he wanted to forget came back with a vengeance. His palms flew to cover his ears, hoping to drown out the sound and stop the images running through his head. His body crumbled to the ground in a heap as he backed himself into a corner.

“Fuck, no! Stop!”

“There is someone watching your footsteps. Turn around, look at me. Look at me. Look at me…”

______________

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teaandgames · 5 years

Text

The Tea Times - March 2019

(This is a news segment that I’m trying to start up. It’s hopefully going to go up the last Thursday of every month, so I’ve technically missed the deadline on the first one. But hey, start as we mean to go on. Enjoy!)

In the first month of The Tea Times, we try and ignore that England is currently tearing itself into shreds and focus on some tasty announcements and some tastier releases.

At A Glance:

Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, Risk of Rain 2 released on Steam.

The Outer Worlds, The Sinking City go exclusively on the Epic Store.

Borderlands 3 and Back 4 Blood announced.

Darkest Dungeon 2 teased.

Dwarf Fortress coming to steam, Diablo to GoG.

Google announces Stadia

The Releases

Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice, From Software’s new pain-em-up was released on the 22nd March. Early impressions have been positive, with it being an appropriate divergence from Dark Souls and Bloodborne. It seems to have more of an emphasis on stealth now, with the ability to one-shot enemies if you’re sneaky enough. If you’re not, then you can’t just wail on an enemy’s HP. You have to work on their ‘posture’ in order to get an opening for a killing blow. Looks like it’s keeping the skill-based gameplay in tact. You can play Sekiro: Shadows Die Twice on Windows, PlayStation 4 or Xbox One.

Risk of Rain 2 hit early access on Steam on the 28th March and I’ve played a decent chunk of it. The original Risk of Rain was a 2D platformer with roguelike elements. The sequel keeps the roguelike elements but transitions it to 3D. A risky choice that has absolutely paid off. Despite being in early access, it’s remarkably polished and good fun with lots of items and survivors to unlock. The downside is that there’s no end boss at the moment but as a trial for the main thing, it’s damn good. You can play it on Steam.

Epic Store Gobbles Up Games

Two games I was interested in got caught up in the Epic Games Store wave this month. The most controversial was Obsidian’s new Fallout-ish game The Outer Worlds, originally slated to come out on Steam. They even used Steam in the marketing - it was no secret at all. And yet, in the midst of them adding Steam achievements, they suddenly whisked it away to the Epic Store. It will come to Steam - just a year later. I can only assume a sizable pot of money was involved. Maybe it will make for a better game, who knows. I’ll write more about this next week.

The other game is The Sinking City, a Cthulhu-esque game about tentacles and… recursion? It had an excellent initial trailer that made me very excited to lose my mind. Now that it’s gone on the Epic Store, it’s time to think about whether I want to help fund this kind of thing. Time will tell, I guess.

Guns and Zombies

The long-awaited Borderlands 3 has gotten a proper trailer full of new faces, new enemies and an adorable gun with little legs. It’s cute and slightly terrifying. The genre-defining loot shooter seems to be sticking to its roots with it touting that it has ‘billions’ of guns. The trademark sense of humour seems to be firmly in place as well, given the written narration of the trailer. It looks goofy and fun as hell. As do the new Vault Hunters, which cover the usual range of oddballs. My money’s on ‘The Beastmaster’. It will be coming out on the 13th September and, you guessed it, will be exclusive to the Epic Store until April next year.

Seemingly out of nowhere, Turtle Rock (the original people behind Left 4 Dead) have announced a new co-op zombie shooter called Back 4 Blood. I guess the number four is real popular around the office. There’s not too much information beyond that, other than it’s destined to be a proper AAA game. It seems to be an early announcement to try and attract some more people to the studio. Here’s hoping they pull off.

A Second Round of Madness

Darkest Dungeon, an RPG inspired by Lovecraftian horror, is getting a sequel, if the teaser trailer is to be believed. The first was beloved for many reasons and a lot of DLC has come out for it - presumably because they’d stuffed as much as they could into the original. Red Hook Studios have grown, so they can clearly have a lot more fun with the sequel. While they’re keeping a lot it to their chest (understandably), it will feature the same major players but will focus on the world outside of the estate. It will give us a ‘glimpse of the supernatural apocalypse twisting and distorting the world beyond the estate’ (PC Gamer, 19/02/19), which sounds lovely.

They also state that Darkest Dungeon 2 is a game about a journey - so it could be we’re Oregon Trailing through hell. They’re bandying around the idea of Early Access, so keep your eyes peeled.

Dwarves and Demons

The much loved (and probably much hated) Dwarf Fortress is coming to Steam and Itch.io. It’s a monolith of a game that I’ve been too wary about to touch in its ASCII format but it’s getting a new coat of paint for its steam release. The stories that have come from this game are wonderful and its paved the way for games of its type, such as RimWorld. Truly one for everyone to keep an eye on.

Going a bit further back in time, one of the grandfathers of the RPG hack and slash has crept onto GoG. You can now pick up Diablo there, with more Blizzard classics to follow.

Stream and Game

Game streaming services are by no means new but it seems like Google is throwing its hat into the ring. Typically, these services come with huge drawbacks that have stopped them breaking out. Input lag being the biggest one, so the services only really work for turn-based games. Google, however, has the muscle to make it work and they seem to be reaching out to developers. Time will tell if it works.

That’s all for March, stay tuned for April!

#Darkest Dungeon 2 #The Sinking City #The Tea Times #News #Stadia #Borderlands 3 #Risk of Rain 2 #Sekiro #Gaming #Video Games #Tea And Video games #Dwarf Fortress #Diablo #Steam #Epic Games #From Software #RimWorld #Back 4 Blood #Left 4 Dead

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grandmascottlang · 7 years

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I Go La, La, La (Peter Parker X Reader)

Hi guys! I just had a random idea to write, so I hope it doesn’t suck! This is going to be a one-shot, as well as a song-fic. The song is La La Latch by Pentatonix (this song is a mashup of Latch by Disclosure and La La La by Naughty Boy ft. Sam Smith). I recommend it; it’s one of my favorite Pentatonix songs! On with the story!

MASTERLIST

Summary: You and Peter are dating and are the cutest couple in school. One day, Peter stops having time to spend with you due to the Stark Internship. You start having second thoughts.

Warnings: Fluff and then angst, also penis jokes

Words: 1.9k+

-three months-

When [Name] started dating Peter Parker, she couldn’t have been happier. Being with the science and math geek as well as the designated Star Wars nerd of the school was great when she needed help with her homework (and although she would never admit it, this was a plus!) and great when she just wanted to sit around in her pajamas watching the popular movie franchise as a date.

Peter was such a nice guy: he would always leave cute, little notes in [Name]’s locker, as well as every Wednesday, give his girlfriend a red rose. Needless to say, the two were the power couple of the school.

Today, one of Peter’s notes fell out of [Name]’s locker and she smiled as she saw her name scrawled in his handwriting.

Hey [Name],

I just wanted to say how cute you always look. I can’t wait to hang out today. Meet me at the library at 2:46 (I was going to say 2:45, but I remembered I need to give you time to walk from class to the library :D)

Pete xoxo

“I swear, he is the nicest guy on the planet,” [Name] whispered to herself, smiling, as she grabbed a few of her textbooks then closed her locker. When she closed the door, her boyfriend was leaning on the lockers close to hers, obviously trying to look cool (and failing, because he’s a dork). He jumped when she closed the door, not expecting her to close the door so soon.

Peter quickly composed himself, combing his fingers through his hair. [Name] giggled at his goofiness.

“I hope that you’re talking about me,” Peter smugly suggested, smirking at his girlfriend.

“Who else would I be talking about? You and Ned are the only guys that I really hang out with,” [Name] reached to intertwine her fingers with him, then giving his hand a quick squeeze.

“That’s a relief!” Peter joked, knowing that he had the most faithful girl in the world by his side.

You lift my heart up when the rest of me is down You, you enchant me even when you're not around If there are boundaries, I will try to knock them down I'm latching on, babe, now I know what I have found

-six months-

Unbeknownst to [Name], Peter had officially become Spider-Man, as well as an unofficial Avenger. He was one of the smartest kids in school by day and a superhero by night.

After Peter began the “Stark Internship,” [Name] was never able to spend time with him outside of school. Of course, she wanted to support her boyfriend, but it was hard, given that she saw him maybe for thirty minutes at school when they ate lunch together.

One day at lunch, [Name] wanted to talk to Peter and ask him about what exactly he was doing for his internship twenty-four seven.

“Hey, Pete?” she asked, turning her head to look at the brunette who was taking a bite of his sandwich.

“Hmm?” he hummed, chewing the food in his mouth as he turned to look at her.

“What do you do with Mr. Stark? Do you get to help him build his suits?” she tried to look interested in the topic; she was only asking so that she could know if he was only doing the internship and nothing else (more specifically, no one else).

Peter choked on his sandwich for a second and took a sip of his water to calm himself. He took a deep breath and thought about what he was going to say for a moment.

“Uh, I just help him with… filing? Yeah, I do that most of the times. I don’t even really see him that often,” he half-lied. His stomach dropped from having to tell [Name] a fake story about what he did after school. He almost wanted to come clean to her, but he didn’t want to put her in danger.

“Oh, okay,” she looked away from him, the smile on her face dropping.

Peter sighed, taking in the reality that she didn’t believe him. Man, he really needed to get better at telling his cover story.

I can't find your silver lining I don't mean to judge But when you read your speech, it's tiring Enough is enough

-one year-

Peter was trying to tell Flash about the “Stark Internship” so that he could at least look kind of cool to him.

“Hear that, guys? Penis Parker has an ‘internship’ with the Tony Stark!” Flash teased, saying it loud enough that the entire school could hear him.

All the popular kids laughed at Peter, pointing their fingers at him as well as calling him Flash’s designated nickname, Penis Parker. Even some of the people that Peter was friends with were laughing alongside them. The only people who were not laughing at him were Ned, [Name], and Michelle, or MJ as her friends called her (that is if she had any friends).

[Name] ran up to Peter giving him a brief hug and then turning around to give Flash the bird. “Why don’t you pick on someone your own size? Oh right, because you’re the smallest there is!” [Name] insulted Flash. All heads watching the whole scene unfold turned their heads to her in confusion, Little [Name] being so vulgar? Unheard of. They proceeded to start laughing a Flash then.

“I swear Parker, the only reason that [Name] isn’t with a jock like me is because she can copy the geek’s homework.” He stormed off, clearly pissed off that he had just been played at his own game.

The crowd started to dissipate, leaving only Peter and [Name] in the courtyard.

“Is what he said true? Are you only with me to copy homework?” Peter questioned her, tears beginning to form in his eyes.

“You and I both know that that’s not the reason we’re together. We’re together because I love you.”

“You… Love me?” Peter looked her directly in her beautiful [E/C] eyes, his own brown eyes sparkling with hope.

“Of course. I really do love you, Pete.”

“I love you too, [Name].”

Yes, I've got you in my space I won't let go of you Got you shackled in my embrace I'm latching on to you (never let go, I won't let go)

-one year, three months-

Peter had been Spider-Man for almost a year, what an awesome year!

A sixteen-year-old boy got to meet the richest man on Earth, some of the Avengers, and save the world from Vulture! Peter was on cloud nine!

For [Name], things could not be going worse. Her grades were beginning to slip, due to her “study-buddy” being an intern at Stark Industries. She was sad on most days, not having many friends after the whole scene with Flash a few months ago, and she couldn’t be with Peter. Pretty much, all she missed was Peter.

For months, [Name] had thought that he was cheating on her and simply didn’t want to tell her. She began to think that she wasn’t pretty enough or nice enough for Peter and started dressing more like to popular girls at school and slowing acting like them. But when she was alone, all she wanted to do was cry.

She wanted to talk to Peter, but every time she went up to him to ask if he wanted to talk he would say he was busy. He even started going off campus for lunch, leaving her to eat all alone. At their old table.

“Hey, Pete!” [Name] exclaimed seeing her boyfriend in the hallway on his way to class.

“Hey, [Name]. Do you need something?”

“No, I just came to ask if you wanted to hang out after school today?”

“Sorry, [Name]. I’ve got the Stark Internship today. Maybe another time?” Peter always said, unenthusiastically.

“Can’t you just skip for one day?”

“No, I can’t. Mr. Stark needs me.” He rushed away from her, leaving her all alone.

[Name] didn’t know what she wanted to do. All she wanted to do was talk to him. And she couldn’t. Maybe she should give up trying.

I'm so encaptured, got me wrapped up in your touch Feel so enamored, hold me tight within your clutch How do you do it? You got me losing every breath What did you give me to make my heart bleed out my chest?

-one year, six months-

[Name] was sick and tired of her boyfriend blowing her off. Slowly the notes in her locker stopped coming, along with Rose Wednesdays. She was only left with one option.

“Hey, [Name]!” Peter came up to her, the first time in a few months. “I have something to tell you.”

“Hey, Pete. We need to talk.” [Name] had a completely emotionless face on, done with Peter and his baggage.

He saw the expression on her face and immediately his smile dropped. “What’s wrong?”

“Us. Us is what’s wrong.”

He took hold of her hands, rubbing his thumbs over the back of them. “There’s nothing wrong with us. [Name], you and I both know that we’re the power couple of the school!”

“I don’t know how you can say something like that when every time I just ask you to hang out, not even go on a date, you blow me off! You’ve been pushing me away for almost six months, Pete! All you do is the ‘Stark Internship!’ How do you think I feel?” [Name] pulled her hands away from his harshly as she crossed her arms.

“But I was going to explain why I’ve been doing at the internship,” he started, right before [Name] cut him off.

“No, you don’t get to explain what you’ve been doing. You had the chance to do that for months. I don’t know why you didn’t, but now, you’ve pushed me away. We’re through. Go tell whatever… bimbo that you love her because you’ll never hear those words come out of my mouth again.”

[Name] began to walk away when Peter grabbed onto her wrist. “I wasn’t with anyone else. I’m only with you. I’ll never be with anyone else, only you. I’m sorry, I won’t let this happen again. I promise.”

“You’re right that it won’t happen again. I’m done with you and your crap, Peter. Get lost.” [Name] pulled her wrist away from his hand and began to walk away from him. She didn’t shed a tear nor did she turn and look back at him.

“[Name]! I still love you!” Peter was down on his knees, tears falling fast onto the skinny jeans that [Name] used to enjoy seeing on him. What he didn’t know is that he was a stranger to her now. “Please come back! I love only you!”

But what Peter didn’t notice is that she covered her ears with her hands and began to sing “la, la, la.”

Covering my ears like a kid When your words mean nothing I go la la la I'm turning up the volume when you speak If my heart can't stop it, I find a way to block it, I go La la, la la la la la la la la la la, La la la la, la la la la la la la la la la La la, la la la la la la la la la la, La la la la, la la la la la la la la la la

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #spider-man: homecoming #omg i love him #sorry if i made him ooc #fanfic #pentatonix #i love this song #marvel #mcu

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topicprinter · 6 years

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Hey guys - this is Pat from StarterStory.com - where I do interviews with successful online brands.Doing something a little bit differently today...I've wanted to dig a bit deeper on more specific topics, rather than just telling the general stories of getting started.So I reached out to Matthew Roberts, who started PEAR Cards, a Cards For Humanity-esque card game (but for positivity and mental health) and raised $19k for the Kickstarter campaign pre-product.I had him sit down and write about his Kickstarter experience, what worked, what didn't, and some advice for others.Hope you enjoy (and let me know what you think about this format):Even though it seems like yesterday, it’s almost been a year since we had a champagne brunch to celebrate raising a little over $19,000 on Kickstarter.I remember being completely blown away by how much money was about to enter our business account, but realized how much it really costs to start up your own business the second we put in our first order for PEAR Cards, the flagship product of our company, PEAR.Our campaignIf we could have done it all over again, I’d hope to raise three times that, but at the same time, we hit our goal - and that’s what matters.I wanted to write a little bit about my experience raising money on Kickstarter, what we did right, what we did wrong, and some tips I have for others looking to get started...So, you have an idea for an invention or product and you want to bring it to life, but, you’re broke?Maybe you also don’t come from money, or know anyone that’s going to hand you $100,000 just because they like you and think the idea has potential.So what do you do now?The Power of CrowdfundingThat’s when crowdfunding came into my life & changed the game for my business.I had heard of Kickstarter many years ago - like most people - due to viral campaigns that got a ton of publicity, but even more recently, I had actually seen them being produced by fellow students, due to studying Film & Media Studies at University of California, Santa Barbara. Kids grabbing camera gear, getting shots, and sitting in front of a green screen to do some silly add in’s and voice overs was quite regular during my time there.It quickly gained my attention, because it was a creative way to share your project with others, get them excited, and most importantly, get the funding you need to complete the damn thing.Fast forward 5 years and I’d be doing the same thing for my passion project, but it wasn’t a film - it was a set of positive oriented conversation cards.Idea ValidationSo, why did we go with this option of funding? (besides the being broke & not having millionaire, venture capitalist friends or family)Easy answer… Kickstarter would validate my idea for a product.Kickstarter projects are going to VALIDATE not only your product, but your brand, your messaging, your marketing - etc.If the product is amazing, people are going to see it and love it, therefore they will back it and share it - even if the rest is a bit messy. If the brand or messaging or marketing are done well enough, it’ll sell itself even if the product is mediocre (I’m looking at you Grey Goose & Patron.)Our Kickstarter ExperienceWe are going to make this one personal, because it’s the only way I know how to tell the Kickstarter experience, so let's start from there.My friend Nathan & I had an idea to create a set of cards that could be used as a tool / game in order to create positive conversations & get people to open up - you can find it here - shameless plug of Kickstarter Link.We decided to get the funding through Kickstarter, because, as I mentioned above, I wanted to see if this was something that really was as amazing as we’d believed instead of something built up by those around us, who were amazing support throughout the entire project and even to this day.I also knew that this would be our largest marketing or advertising to date (and even still to this day.) It wasn’t until quite recently, almost a year after the Kickstarter campaign, that our website - pearcards.com now populates above our Kickstarter campaign site when you google the words "PEAR Cards".The power of having something on a website like Kickstarter, is all the eyeballs that will see it - all the walks of life that are now seeing your product or idea who never knew it existed seconds before they scrolled through the popular tab. Hell, even our google analytics look like a massive earthquake hit during our first few days of the Kickstarter launch compared to the everyday views on our site.So you have to look at this campaign as not only a way to attract customers or funding, but actually as the largest marketing ad / event you will do for quite some time.Kickstarter ResearchI looked into a good amount of successful Kickstarters to try and see, in my opinion, what they did right, in order to emulate their campaign a bit. Just as everything in this world though, you can only do so much research/looking around - a lot of it is about going out there and getting the thing done.But some things are clear and need to be known, so I’ll save you from doing the research yourself. First, make your rewards crystal clear. The more confusing you make it for people to back your product, the less money / backers you’re going to get. Not everyone coming to back you is going to be a kid your age, who’s been on Kickstarter a million times. Some of them will be family, elderly family, and even people who are scared to put their credit card online. So make sure it’s clear on how to back, and what exactly they are getting for backing.Second, successful Kickstarter campaigns interact and engage with their backers. Make sure to do updates on both social media and the kickstarter page. Videos always do the best (something I wish we would have done more of), but at the least, make sure to constantly be updating people, especially if you’re raising a ton. It’s detrimental to continue adding new & fun goals and tiers to reach for if you’ve already blown past your original goal - this keeps everyone excited and involved in continuing to pay attention to your campaign.Third, absolutely crush the video. Whether it’s a serious piece of equipment to research cancer and needs to be 100% professional, or it’s a hilarious video about a card game with exploding cats just make sure it’s well made and executed properly.Lastly, you’re not going to get even a dollar if you don’t hit your goal - so make sure it’s attainable. I would have loved to raise 1 million dollars for PEAR Cards, completely funding the first few years of the company, while being able to send free sets of PEAR Cards to every school & mental health related company or profession around the world, but, we never would have hit that goal (we hope to one day be able to accomplish this.) So make sure your funding goal is realistic and achievable.DesignSo after researching enough, we knew what we wanted it to look like - clean and simple. This also had a lot to do with our amazing graphic designer, who has been with once since inception - doing everything from logo design, card design, and our entire Kickstarter campaign graphics. Shout out to Kevin at Nilo Design Co!We knew the video wouldn’t be a hilarious one like you see all the time, because we wanted people to take our company/product seriously. We want to help in the Mental Health field specifically, and it’s hard to eliminate stigmas if your product comes off as a joke.Here’s what our Kickstarter page looked likePricingThe rest of the brainstorming was set up to what our tiers would be, and what we needed to raise.This was something that would come to be very difficult. We had been working with an amazing company, Ad Magic (of the Cards Against Humanity and Exploding Kittens fame) and knew pricing for our product.We needed to make enough to cover that initial manufacturing order, and hopefully cover the debt we had already been in through prototypes, lawyer fees, etc. When we looked into this, we realized our goal was outrageously high.I don’t even want to share the number, because when you look at cards or card games on Kickstarter, we would have been the highest goal on there - by far.So, we decided to crank it down a lot, we figured $19,000 would be a realistic goal. This wouldn’t take us out of debt at all, but it was a good start, and we’d have extras that we could sell right away. I even had a good friend who’s an amazing accountant crunch some numbers with an excel spreadsheet in order to see what we needed to raise with multiple outcomes, and that helped a lot (thanks Zac).TiersSo once we had that settled, we decided to go into tiers. The way this works is also always a crap shoot.Sometimes there are a few real tiers of the product & the rest is filled with funny and goofy options. We wanted to be somewhere in between, so we threw in some dinners, coasters, business sets, etc. But the majority was PEAR Card sets, straight up.Obviously, there was an early bird special, a limited edition that came with our first set of PEAR Cards with a thank you note written on it, and then just bulk orders.Other than that, we didn’t want to do anything wild - but that’s not to say it can’t work. It really just matters on what your product is, and how you want it and you to be perceived.Founders Beware!The biggest take away of this is once you launch you will have a million companies reaching out to you about doing marketing for your campaign. They’ll charge either a percent of backer money that they bring in, a flat fee, or a combination of the two. DO NOT DO THIS.Unless it’s one of the BIG name ones (google it, there is about 5-8) most of these will be scams. We had never ran a paid ad or done any paid marketing - we only use social media and word of mouth - it was half a decision (also validating) and half reality - two broke kids who’d just come back from traveling europe and hadn’t worked in almost an entire year. But, these marketing schemes won’t help you enough, unless they are a large one and your product/goal is in the hundreds of thousands.Video & MessagingAs far as messaging & the video, I think we could have made it a billion times better, but luckily, we were still successful and reached our goal. Although we were on a shoestring budget, I still think paying for a professional camera crew would have been completely worth it. Making sure everything looks amazing, sounds crisp and is edited properly - can sometimes be all the difference in being successful and failing to reach your goal by any amount.We gave ourselves 1 month to get everything ready, from sending information to Kevin (the stud graphic designer), to having our stud website guy Mark (also badass) work on the site and getting it to route everyone to the Kickstarter - to even writing/filming/editing the video and copy on the page.When I go back and look at the video now, I cringe. I shot it on my camera, did the editing myself and used MacGyvered equipment to make things work (like using microphones dangling in the sky to pick up better audio.)The copy was a little righteous and a bit hard to understand, as well as not exactly straightforward - I mean, there's a billion other things I would change. This is a problem we are still dealing with today, as it’s difficult to explain your product to the everyday person when it’s something you’re talking/thinking about all day, everyday. Being able to explain it in its most basic, simplistic terms are crucial in a Kickstarter, where you have people from all over with zero previous information on what you’re trying to create/do. Luckily, we didn’t have to do it a second time - but still to this day, we are constantly trying to make this as clear as possible.Kickstarter Awards & PressWe wanted and planned for a "Kickstarter We Love" or “Project Of The Month” or any of the high accolades people seem to get when launching a cool Kickstarter project. We got nothing.We didn’t get picked up by a magazine or blogs either, and at first we were a little bitter. Regardless, I think going in with that mindset still had us create (at the time) the best campaign we could possible come up with at the time. With all of that said, we knew that the beginning and the end of the campaign are by far the most important in every way possible.Pushing ThroughThere is a massive lull that hits after the first few days of the campaign, and it stays there until the final few days. You need to be on top of it and staying in people’s minds and continue to push.Here’s a look at what our trajectory looked like over the course of the fundraiser:Our funding timelineWe wanted to hit 40% of our goal on the first day, we heard and read about specific Kickstarter algorithms that meant this would keep your page on the top and give you a better chance at being something they select as a campaign to follow. Whether this is true or not, who knows - but you should strive for blowing it out of the water regardless.I think we got to 35% on the first day, and although we were stoked, it still felt like a bit of a failure in a way. What’s more crazy is that the final 40% was raised within the final two days. This isn’t uncommon, but it is a little more uncomfortable than you would like - I’d hope.The last few days were definitely hectic. We sent out multiple emails, social media posts, told people in person, etc. which really sucks after you’re asking the same people who’ve already done so much to help - for more help. "I know you backed us/shared the kickstarter/told your friends about us, but is there anyone else you can tell?!" was all too common near the end, and all we can do is say thank you to so many who helped out.The list of "thank you’s" is so unbelievably long, it’s amazing and brings a giant smile to my face. So if you stay on top of it, you really want to try and keep it as consistent with backers as possible, and make it look like a stock market chart. Up and to the right - all the way through. Rather than massive spikes, flat spots and more spikes. But although it wasn’t pretty, it got the job done - and that’s what’s most important here.It was exhausting at times, and I definitely felt annoyed constantly throwing it around to keep it relevant, but you have to do it in order to hit your goal - so it’s all worth it.My Advice For OthersI wish we would have done more research on international shipping, although it was too late and luckily we didn’t have a ton of orders, I probably would have kept it US only. Shipping is crazy expensive.Don’t forget, the people aren’t always just supporting the project - they are also supporting and believing in YOU - the creator. This is important for remembering how you want everything to be conveyed, when it comes to your video and your copy on the campaign.Be genuine, speak from the heart, be yourself, have fun - and the backers will come in. Nothing is more exciting than seeing people support your project, product and dream that are complete strangers. Random names, locations, etc. It’s an amazing feeling.Also, for the marketing/analytics make sure to link your google analytics to the Kickstarter page, that way you can see traffic, and where you need to push harder, or what social media channels are hitting better than others.But after all is said, like I said before, it comes to a time where you just have to go and do it. Make a goal, make a video, write up some stuff, and just be yourself. Get it done, send it out, and make it an event. Build momentum, some people spoke of creating email lists of over 10,000 before starting your campaign. I’m not saying anything that extreme, I think we had a whopping 50 when we launched the Kickstarter, but we had been telling people on our social media pages of the date for over a month.Other than that, the rest you will learn along the way. If you’re making a Kickstarter anyways, you’ve already done so many other amazing things along the way on your project or company, so it’s easy. You got this, good luck!Thanks for reading! Feel free to reach out via email with any questions ([email protected]), and if you wanna snag some PEAR Cards, use the code STARTERSTORY at checkout :)Matthew is on reddit - /u/maparo and should be in the comments shortly - drop a question if you have one.

#/r/entrepreneur #reddit

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