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#many things and interaction have changed. but for the better
page-matcha · 3 days
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cafe manager!taehyun x cafe worker!reader
warnings: smut, slightly public sex, swearing, spanking, not actually that much smut, barely edited 😭
a/n - I wanted to write something to try and get over my writers block c:
---♡
Working at a popular cafe is hard. So many customers rush in and out, there's barely enough room for anyone in the small room. And you, being a shy introvert, found it very hard to work as a full time cashier and talk to so many people in a day. But the job payed well so who are you to complain
You're fairly new to this job, so you're still not used to interacting with customers but you try your best. Today was particularly harsh on you though.
It was the usual morning rush. People lining up to get their morning coffee to help get them through the day. But for some reason you were so exhausted. So tired, so nervous, and there are so many people waiting for you to take their order. This felt like the hundredth customer you had just in the last hour.
"Could I have the weekly special?" The lady infront of you asked politely.
"Ah... sure. Whats the weekly special again?" You turn to look behind you at the drink menu while the lady looks at you with a confused but patient expression. "Oh right, that." You give the lady an apologetic look as you go to make her drink, stumbling over yourself out of embarrassment.
Your manager, your stupid annoying manger, laughed as he watched you. Taehyun. God, he was always on your case. Pointing out every little thing you did wrong and getting annoyed with you over the smallest things. So of course, what did you expect when he started scolding you for forgetting what this week's special was.
"God, y/n. You do this all the fucking time." Taehyun let's out an exasperated breath. "Look, I get you're new here but how could you mess up something as simple as that?"
"Like the name says, it changes every week. I'm bound to forget what it is at least once..." you grumble.
"You do this way too often. We need to do something about this otherwise you'll drive all of our customers away."
"That's a bit dramatic but ok.."
Taehyun asks you to stay for a bit after the Cafe closes. Apparently he knows a good method he wants to show you that will help you memorize orders better.
A few hours later you find yourself pinned against the cafes front counter, Taehyuns cock slamming harshly into you.
"What are the steps for making our strawberry lemonade?" He asks, sucking a mark onto your neck.
You whimper, tears of pleasure running down your face. "I-i don't know!" Your brain is turned to mush. You can't remember anything about any steps or recipe.
Taehyun asks you again, landing a hard smack to your ass. "What. Are. The steps?"
---♡
Lets just say after that night... you decided it would be better to just work in the back cleaning dishes instead.
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gogandmagog · 3 days
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Guys! Yesterday I had a book-shaped piece of mail, and inside of it was my copy of Children and Childhoods in L.M. Montgomery: Continuing Conversations being returned, from another very dear user here! I bring this up only because some-months-ago I promised to copy out a particular article from this book, for yet another user here, who was interested! Interested because it’s on the the subject of a Fan Favourite thing... fan fiction. And better still because some of our (basically famous) mutuals here are mentioned by name! If you’ve ever wondered if the Montgomery scholarship is reading your fan fiction... the answer is yes, they are! They totally are. More than that, they also have some thoughts to share… as well as recommendations of their faves too! This article even covers the F/F and M/M fan fiction presented by fans in LMM’s universe, and I’m personally super excited to be able to begin reading these works, as soon as I can find them all. I’ve done my best to link what I could immediately find, but some of the mentioned stories were unavailable... potentially due to changes in usernames? (That said... if anyone knows of the works indicated here, that I haven’t provided a link for, please do share!)   This article, by the way, was written recently... in 2020! It’s very current, and it covers a few stories that were still being actively updated during the pandemic. The focus of this article is less so on canon (or really just the Anne/Gilbert pairing), though, and seems to prefer demonstrating the versatility of mixing relationships (Anne and Emily, for one!) and the wider more general universe-building aspects (the entanglements of future generations/Anne’s grandchildren) that fans have been expounding on for nothing less than decades. 
Okay, here we go! xx
Continuing Stories: L.M. Montgomery and Fanfiction in the Digital Era by Balaka Basu
Fanfiction – the recreational (re)writing of texts – is a literary genre of rapidly growing significance. Abigail Derecho in her brief history of fanfiction identifies it as “a genre that has a long history of appealing to women and minorities, minorities, individuals on the cultural margins who used archontic writing as a means to express not only their narrative creativity, but their criticisms of social and political inequities as well.”
Insightfully defined by Francesca Coppa and Mary Ellen Curtin as “speculative fiction about character,” fanfiction can be even more precisely understood as fantasies about the diegetic positioning of characters in the context of various settings, communities, relationships both textual and paratextual, and eventually all manner of cultural mythologies.
Kristina Busse and Karen Hellekson describe the production of fanfiction as “part collaboration and part response to not only the source text, but also the cultural context within and outside the fannish community in which it is produced.”
They point out that the shift in the method of dissemination of fanfiction from newsletters and zines to internet archives means that “ever-younger fans who previously would not have had access to the fannish culture except through their parents can now enter the fan space effortlessly; financial resources have become less of a concern because access to a computer is the only prerequisite; and national boundaries and time zones have ceased to limit fannish interaction.”
The nature of fanfiction allows participants to cross-generational and socio-economic boundaries in an ongoing exchange of responses to a source text with which they share a fascination, developing new texts that in turn elicit their own responses. While the creation of fanfiction is evidence of an affective, loving, communal relationship with the source text, this genre of writing is still dismissed in many quarters as overly emotional, purely erotic, and even perverse, a type of amateur and immature engagement with popular texts that produces writing necessarily divorced from literary significance. Produced in staggeringly vast quantities by subcultures with complex vocabularies and traditions that can intimidate the casual reader, fanfiction is perceived by many to be more of a cultural practice than a literary genre, variously denigrated for its pornographic potential and its lack of originality. However, close examination reveals that fan writers are able to create a critical dialogue with the originating author in acts of communal storytelling that incorporate allusions and reference points to which other dedicated fan readers and writers may respond.
In this chapter, after examining how L.M. Montgomery and her writer heroine Emily themselves engage in practices now associated with fanfiction, I survey four forms of fanfiction that remove Montgomery’s novels from her seemingly idyllic and timeless island settings, contextualizing her characters and plots within history and other genres: the sequel set during the Second World War, the modern AU (alternate universe), the gap-filler, and the slash fic, all of which allow the young readers who grow up with her novels to engage in dialogue with the stories they love, a type of literary conversation that Montgomery herself models within her texts. Emily’s reading, which is active rather than passive, resembles twenty-first-century fans’ ownership of the texts they love, provoking creative responses. For instance, after reading works by Lord Tennyson, Elizabeth Barrett Browning, and Matthew Arnold, Emily writes, “Teddy lent me 3 books of poetry. One of them was Tennyson and I have learned The Bugle Song off by heart so I will always have it. One was Mrs. Browning. She is lovely. I would like to meet her. I suppose I will when I die but that may be a long time away. The other was just one poem called Sohrab and Rustum. After I went to bed I cried over it. Aunt Elizabeth said ‘what are you sniffling about?’ I wasn’t sniffling – I was weeping sore … I couldn’t go to sleep until I had thought out a different end for it – a happy one.”
The reactions Emily catalogues are those of the fan; they are viscerally felt in the body and attempt to dissolve the boundary between author and reader, producer and consumer. She inscribes Tennyson within her heart in order to possess the poem she loves; she creates a relationship between Barrett Browning and herself; and, most significantly, she interjects her own desired happy ending into Arnold’s tragic narrative, a corrective desire that is at the core of many works of fanfiction. Emily’s diaries and her story reflect Montgomery’s own experiences from childhood to adulthood as reader, writer, and reader-turned-writer discussed in the introduction to this volume. Depicting Emily as a voracious reader and a life-writer like herself, Montgomery places the child Emily’s voice in conversation with that of the narrator through Emily’s letters to her dead father in Emily of New Moon and through her diary entries in Emily Climbs and Emily’s Quest, creating a form of joint authorship that is referenced explicitly in “Salad Days,” the second chapter of Emily Climbs: “book is not going to be wholly, or even mainly, made up of extracts from Emily’s diary; but, by way of linking up matters unimportant enough for a chapter in themselves, and yet necessary for a proper understanding of her personality and environment, I am going to include some more of them. Besides, when one has material ready to hand, why not use it?”
The narrator’s willingness to use the “material” that is “ready to hand” reflects Montgomery’s and Emily’s practices, and also validates other writers’ use of the material Montgomery places at their disposal. As with many fans, Emily’s reading frequently makes itself felt within her writing.
Like Montgomery, Emily learns her trade through mimicry, from her first poem in blank verse inspired by James Thomson’s Seasons to her unwitting imitation of Kipling that is pointed out by her teacher, Mr Carpenter, in his review of her work. Like Sara Stanley of The Story Girl, whose compelling and fascinating stories are rarely if ever original, Emily is a fan of the oral traditions of her community, incorporating and building upon them in her own writing, transforming and recreating, for instance, the story of “The Woman Who Spanked the King” in Emily Climbs.
The retelling and versioning that Emily practises signal her immense admiration for the source texts she adapts, just as the creation of fanfiction does for Montgomery’s readership and fans. The possibilities inherent in versioning and adaptation are illustrated in Emily’s Quest. When Montgomery depicts Emily undertaking the reworking of someone else’s narrative, she is adapting an episode from her own experience while working for The Echo in Halifax, which she records in her journal. Montgomery, like Emily, was asked to create an ending for a serialized story, “A Royal Betrothal,” after compositors had misplaced the original text.
Like Emily, she claims that her “knowledge of royal love affairs [was] limited,” and that she was unaccustomed “to write with flippant levity of kings and queens.” Nevertheless, Montgomery manages to create a conclusion that passes muster, since “as yet nobody has guessed where the ‘seam’ comes in.” She is, however, curious about the original author’s reaction to her unauthorized adaptation, and while she never discovers this in real life, she does imagine it in her fiction when she introduces Mark Greaves, who is horrified by Emily’s new ending for the story but enchanted by its author. Neither Montgomery nor Emily engages in this sort of writing from a place of fandom; they have no previous attachment to “A Royal Betrothal,” and both are writing professionally. Nevertheless, the ability to solve the puzzle of the story and the weaving of their work into an already extant text are the very project of fanfiction: ludic narrative composition that recalls the way children play make-believe with the narratives they love, reworking and extending them. It is telling that Montgomery uses the metaphor of the “seam” to describe this particular craft. Jane Dawkins, writing about her fanfiction, which is inspired by Jane Austen, describes her fan novel Letters from Pemberley as “an old-fashioned patchwork quilt, where in place of the scraps of fabric reminding one of the favorite frocks or shirts whence they came, there is a line or a phrase or a sentence from one of [the original] books or letters stitched alongside the lesser scraps of my own manufacture.”
Montgomery’s final book, framed by the two world wars, is just such a patchwork sequel, albeit providing only brief glimpses of the characters that readers met as children and who have now grown older. When a version of the book was published in 1974 as The Road to Yesterday, these glimpses, lacking the interstitial materials, became even briefer, mirroring the more forced insertion of beloved characters that the two earlier collections, Chronicles of Avonlea and Further Chronicles of Avonlea, display. Only two of Anne’s grandchildren – Gilbert Ford and Walter Blythe – are obliquely referred to, in the story “A Commonplace Woman,” where an unpleasant young doctor reflects on both of them as potential rivals for the affection of a beautiful girl he himself hopes to pursue.
However, the full novel, The Blythes Are Quoted, published in 2009 and comprised of short stories about the people in Glen St Mary and over the harbour, is interspersed with poetry by both a young Walter and an adult Anne. The poems are cut with tiny slices of dialogue that suggest the continuing lives of fans’ favourite characters and how they might have developed. In “‘Dragged at Anne’s Chariot Wheels’: L.M. Montgomery and the Sequels to Anne of Green Gables,” Carole Gerson notes the mixture of feelings from pleasure to frustration that Montgomery records in her journals as she prepares to write her first sequel.
While Montgomery wrote the first installments of her various series out of inspiration, she was certainly aware of what her market desired from subsequent installments. She often regretted the necessity of marrying off her characters, but was aware that her fans demanded this conventional outcome for the characters they had come to love; these traditionally romantic endings, when not offered by Montgomery herself at the instigation of her publishers, are regularly deployed by contemporary fanfiction authors building on the source texts.
Indeed, long before the original structure of The Blythes Are Quoted was revealed to readers in Benjamin Lefebvre’s afterword, fanfiction writers were spinning off lengthy narratives that included a third generation of young Blythes, Fords, and Merediths dealing with the onslaught of the Second World War. While earlier installments in the Anne series – such as Anne of Green Gables and Anne’s House of Dreams – depict the deaths of Matthew, Anne and Gilbert’s first daughter (Joyce), and Captain Jim, Walter’s death in Rilla of Ingleside is somehow more striking. Unlike Matthew and Captain Jim, he has not yet had time to grow old; unlike Joyce, readers have had opportunities to get to know him as a child in Rainbow Valley and as he grows into young adulthood in Rilla of Ingleside. His death is unnatural and, therefore, all the more horrifying. These two aspects of Rilla of Ingleside – the evocation of history by a nostalgic fictional world that is still tied to real time and the use of high drama, tragedy, and romance – provide fanfiction authors with a model they can use to appeal to the emotions of those readers who are immersed in the next generation of Montgomery characters.
The Second World War, then, provides an entry point into the series for fanfiction authors, who can deploy real history coupled with beloved characters to create a tale that feels absolutely authentic. One example of this is a short story, “The Pen and the Sword,” written in 2007 by MarnaNightingale. Here, mimicking the style of Dorothy L. Sayers’s The Wimsey Papers (a series of Spectator articles published between 1939 and 1940, which interestingly also continue the story of First World War–era characters during the Second World War), MarnaNightingale employs epistolary excerpts and newspaper articles to tell the story of a family going through the horrors of war for a second time. Grounding her fragmented story – like The Blythes Are Quoted, a mixture of genres – in the accounts of novelist Mollie Panter-Downes (1939) and war correspondents Ernie Pyle (1940) and Ross Munro of the Canadian Press (1941), whose articles are attributed to Kenneth Ford, she offers a story that, like Rilla of Ingleside, is anchored to the historical moment, while also nostalgically focusing on the character development that comes from Gilbert Ford’s death, Rilla’s and Faith’s reactions to the war, and the lives of their children. Here war also serves as an opportunity for new experiences, particularly for women and children: Rilla takes a factory job as a machinist, liking it better than working in Carter Flagg’s store; one of Anne’s grandchildren, Susan, plans to be a doctor; and Faith, who worked as a Voluntary Aid Detachment nurse in the First World War, mentions how she can sympathize. As well, the daily tidbits that flavour the pages of Rilla of Ingleside are there: one article, attributed to Anne, includes the recipe for Susan Baker’s war bread, reminding readers of the problems of wartime rationing, even in the Americas. Real life events – like the Canadian forces trying (and failing) to make a beachhead at Dieppe – arouse the passions of the reader. Unlike Austen – who also famously wrote of three or four families in a country town, but kept the Napoleonic wars firmly in the shadows – Montgomery brings the passions and high drama of the world stage into the sleepy villages of Prince Edward Island, which inspire fanfiction spinoffs.
The long novel Cecilia of Red Apple Farm, by a fan author who posts under the pseudonym ruby gillis, also directly reworks passages and scenes from the whole range of Anne books, set in the late-nineteenth century, to The Blythes Are Quoted, set in the early years of the Second World War, to highlight the similarity between her new generation of characters and their ancestors. Cecilia is the daughter of Una Meredith and Shirley Blythe (characters often married off in fanfiction). Like MarnaNightingale, ruby gillis provides period flavouring in the styles of dresses and behaviour and in references to 1940s popular films and songs. Simultaneously, this setting offers new opportunities to her female character: Cecilia wants to be a doctor, and rather than staying in Canada, she joins up to be a nurse in England. She has a series of romances – one with Sid Gardiner (before he marries May Binnie), and one with her cousin Blythe Meredith, who is this generation’s poet – before finally ending up with Marshall Douglas (the son of Mary Vance). Just as Anne initially refuses Gilbert Blythe in favour of Roy Gardner’s resemblance to her ideal man in Anne of the Island, ruby gillis’s Cecilia is fooled by the allure of Sid and Blythe as Roy Gardner–like romantic heroes into believing that she does not truly love her fun, practical, “Gilbert-esque” friend. Published in 2004, Cecilia of Red Apple Farm further illustrates the opportunities presented by reusing and reworking a body of texts through its incorporation of Montgomery’s poem “I Wish You” as the work of Blythe Meredith. Montgomery includes this poem and attributes it to Anne in The Blythes Are Quoted, although ruby gillis could not have known this when writing. The repetition of names and circumstances might seem derivative, but for readers who have read and reread the original books so many times, the extension of the story world is prized, even if – perhaps even because of – its callbacks to the original text. Due to the tendency of fans to fixate on “the good bits” in a reread, these parts can be taken for the whole.
Austen fanfiction demonstrates this aptly. Indeed, Helen Fielding’s second Bridget Jones novel, Bridget Jones and the Edge of Reason (1999), illustrates just such a reading of Pride and Prejudice: she shows Bridget, a fan, watching the scene from the 1995 mini-series in which Darcy, dripping in a wet see-through shirt, exits the lake, and then rewinding and rewatching the scene multiple times. How many times might a similar fan reread Walter’s letter from Courcelette? This repeated reviewing of selected portions can replace the amplitude of the original novel. With this delimited focus, narrative is no longer seen as a progression, but as a single moment of pleasure, sustained as long as possible. Reading the Second World War as a repetitive sequel to the First World War further highlights this possibility.
Even Montgomery seems to do so, as demonstrated in The Blythes Are Quoted, with its new generation of characters confusingly named after the old: Walter, Jem, Rilla, Di, Anne, and Gilbert. A variation on Marah Gubar’s kinship model, this kind of continuation highlights the blurred boundaries between child and adult characters who are literally related to one another and whose adventures mimic one another.
In a third example of fanfiction set during the Second World War, Weeping May Tarry, a long novel by ElouiseBates, Meggie, the heroine, is Shirley’s daughter (and also, surprisingly, Paul Irving’s granddaughter). In this story, which like Cecilia of Red Apple Farm is an installment of a longer series, Meggie is sent off to a conservatory of music to study singing, aptly combining the traditions of the nostalgic boarding-school novel with “Girl’s Own” wartime fiction. Following the tradition of Magic for Marigold, which explicitly suggests in its second chapter that the Murrays of Blair Water and the Lesleys of Cloud of Spruce exist in the same universe, @e-louise-bates (like many other fanfiction authors, including ruby gillis) suggests that all of Montgomery’s characters exist in a single universe: Meggie partners briefly with the grandson of Sara Stanley (The Story Girl and The Golden Road) and is close friends with Jane Stuart (Jane of Lantern Hill).
Going even further, @e-louise-bates introduces the grandchildren of the What Katy Did series as friends for Meggie and includes Betsy from Dorothy Canfield Fisher’s Understood Betsy as Bruce Meredith’s wife, creating a world where all the characters of early-twentieth-century girls’ fiction seem to have truly lived, where their descendants must cope with victory gardens and dances with soldiers at the Exhibition Grounds, and where kisses are much more commonplace than they once were.
These particular continuers of Montgomery are also desirous of membership in the community of her fans, seeing their literary endeavours as productive of approval from a fellow readership. Likewise, the novels are notable for their sociality – they seem to offer the reader not only a fantasy friendship with the characters themselves but also the very real society of fellow readers of the works. Thus, these fan authors attempt to diversify their stories so that they represent contemporary beliefs regarding multiculturalism; ruby gillis, for instance, introduces into the family by way of marriage a French girl who has had to flee the Nazis due to being Jewish, a situation Montgomery and her contemporaries might have had some difficulty accepting, considering early-twentieth-century attitudes toward interreligious marriage and Montgomery’s othering of the German-Jewish peddler who sells Anne green hair dye.
The Second World War thus offers writers of Montgomery fanfiction the loom on which to weave new, more diverse stories, even as The Blythes Are Quoted, which also traces the characters’ reactions to this new war, demonstrates how these readers-turned-writers followed Montgomery’s own trajectory, not knowing that they were doing so. On the subject of fanfiction, young-adult author Patricia C. Wrede writes: “The thing that fascinates me about fanfiction, though, is the way that it models the decision tree that writers go through (whether consciously or unconsciously) to get to their final product. For those of us who do this part mostly unconsciously, it can be interesting and instructing to see the multitude of alternate paths that a story could have taken, all laid out more-or-less neatly in different authors’ fanfics [… taking a slightly different fork in the road] resulting in the plot veering in a completely new direction. Friends become enemies; enemies become friends; goals and objectives and results shift and change.” Within these pieces of fanfiction, then, fan writers are able to follow these decision trees with subsequent generations of characters as well.
Another avenue of access occurs when fan authors transpose historical narratives into the contemporary moment. Perhaps the best-known example of this modern alternate universe [AU] conversion is the television program Sherlock, which takes Arthur Conan Doyle’s Victorian detective into the twenty-first century. While new cultural contexts appear, the essence of character is meant to be retained. Just as Sherlock uses text messages and blogs to substitute for telegraphs and handwritten journals, fans of Montgomery reimagine the relationships between her characters as if they were taking place online.
For instance, “Work in Progress” (2012) by verity postulates a friendship between Montgomery’s most famous heroines, Anne and Emily. In this piece of fanfiction, Emily circumvents Aunt Elizabeth’s injunction against fiction during her time at Shrewsbury High by becoming a blogger who is restricted to the “truth.” The story’s online summary, a part of which reads “Anne rolls her eyes. ‘Is your aunt really going to know if you cheat on your nonfiction with some hot prose on the side?’” shows how the story preserves the character qualities that Montgomery laid out, complete with references to the Murray pride and Anne’s orphanhood. Mr Carpenter’s admonitions are spelled out at the beginning of the story:
“Emily Byrd Starr has a sticky note on her desktop. It reads:
ITALICS
CAPITALS
!!!!!
“just”
“really”
CTRL+F!
It is almost like having Mr Carpenter in the room with her.”
Verity creates humour through the juxtaposition of contemporary social media and allusions to Montgomery’s source text. Another story by verity detailing Rilla’s romance with Ken Ford and her friendship with Una Meredith, “Rilla of Toronto,” takes place mainly through instant messages. In this story, Rilla reflects on her life from eighteen to twenty-five, tracing a continuum from her child self to her new adulthood, underscored by verity’s translation of Montgomery’s work into contemporary millennial language.
A third type of fanfiction narrative, the gap-filler, focuses on and expands the implications of the source texts. Moira Walley-Beckett’s Netflix/CBC series Anne with an “E,” as Laura Robinson shows in chapter 12 of this volume, is somewhat fanfictional in and of itself: as Robinson points out, the show fills gaps by bringing to the fore the darker currents that have always been beneath the seemingly untroubled waters of Anne of Green Gables, including Anne’s potential post-traumatic stress disorder from the disturbing life she led before coming to Green Gables. This kind of versioning and adaptation tacitly permits fan authors to feel that their versions are just as valid as those produced by professionals. Gap-fillers frequently expand on romantic pairings and in fandom are often referred to by portmanteaux of characters’ names that perpetuate some inside joke or work as puns. “Shirbert” – a moniker for Anne and Gilbert – is the latter, and demonstrates how fans posting on sites like Archive of Our Own (Ao3), Fanfiction.net, and Wattpad (this last generally populated by younger fans) develop their own language to identify their stories within the community for which they write.
One such story, “You caught me staring, but I caught you staring back,” by Anuka, clearly inspired more by the television series than the novels, begins with an author’s note that reads, “I decided to write some fluff for these two, because I need more Shirbert moments, and season 2 is so far away. I added gifs to make it more vivid.” Here, the romance between Anne and Gilbert as depicted by Montgomery and Walley-Beckett is not sufficient for the reader-turned-writer. Anuka wants the gaps in the narrative to be more fully explored than they are on either page or screen and to be made more “vivid” by the inclusion of images that help make the story come alive.
Similarly, “Rilla Blythe’s Wedding: A Not Entirely Comprehensive Account” by Scylla also fills a gap: Rilla and Ken’s wedding day, a scene that Montgomery leaves to the reader’s imagination at the end of Rilla of Ingleside. Modelled upon other accounts of weddings within Montgomery’s fiction, the story also suggests that accounts of Walter’s death have been gravely exaggerated, as he makes a stunning appearance at his sister’s wedding. In order to align her work with Montgomery’s novel, Scylla ensures that Little Dog Monday’s awareness of Walter’s death remains, but makes it only a technicality, writing, “His heart had stopped for a full ten seconds – long enough for his Captain to feel for his empty pulse and for Dog Monday to be jolted with the fullness of his death. Little dogs, after all, can only have tender dogs’ hearts. Grief to Dog Monday was an all-consuming thing, and when Walter’s heart began to beat once more, he was deaf to its spark of joy.” After meeting with his eldest sister, Joyce, in heaven – which is, as he had always hoped, Rainbow Valley, Walter is returned to life so that he may write of peace as well as war (as he did when he was a boy), marry Una, and repair the broken hearts of readers who did not want to lose him.
While heterosexual pairings are the most prevalent in Montgomery fandom, there is room for queer imaginings as well.
This very popular genre of fanfiction, known as “slash,” is generally defined as stories that centre on samesex romances between characters, particularly between men. Montgomery slash fiction usually stars Walter Blythe.
One slash story, “but i don’t know who you are” by @freyafrida, imagines a bisexual Walter. Told in an enduringly popular sub-genre of fanfiction often referred to as Five Things Plus One (which involves a series of thematically linked but not necessarily chronological scenes), the story is summarized by @freyafrida as “Five people Walter thought he wanted, and one person he didn’t notice until it was too late.”
This last person is original to Montgomery’s text: Una, whose apparently unreturned attraction to Walter is woven through Rilla of Ingleside. The other five potential partners are all alluded to as Walter’s close friends, beginning in childhood with Alice Parker from Anne of Ingleside and Pat Brewster from The Blythes Are Quoted and then carrying on through adolescence and young adulthood with Faith Meredith, Ken Ford, and finally Paul Irving from Anne of Avonlea. While his feelings for Faith and Ken are clearly unrequited, Alice, Pat, and Paul all express their own desire for Walter. The inclusion of the famous poet and Walter’s “model” uncle, Paul Irving, in particular, particular, illustrates how traits of sensitivity and aesthetic appreciation that challenge traditional ideas about masculinity are frequently interpreted as queer by fan readers and writers.
In another slash fiction, cero_ate’s “The Moving Finger Writes, and Having Writ Moves On,” Walter discovers his homosexuality while fighting in Europe:
He wrote half truths and lies once more, when he wrote his Rilla that he could not form poems of the depths of the war. For who could write his sister of the phallic love he had found? He had found his reason in a tow-headed American boy. He meant so much more to Walter than mere friendship could explain. He wanted to write, as sweethearts write, of the tempest of joy in the darkest night. But how would they understand? How would they even try to understand he sought not the Dark Lady of Shakespeare but the youth, fair and Wilde? When he was presented with Una’s faithful heart, he spurned it. When his tow-headed darling presented his own, Walter took it, greedy for him. His grecian style love, the boy who’s [sic] eyes danced, even in the darkest of days. He would do anything to keep him safe. But he could not present him to his family, for their scorn or pity. War had broken him, but made him as well.
While male/male pairings are generally the most popular stories in fandoms, Montgomery’s novels, peopled as they are by communities of girls and women, require that readers who want to queer the text must explore what is called femslash (that is, slash fiction featuring two female characters).
Such relationships have been explored within the academic setting. For instance, Laura Robinson remarks in “Bosom Friends: Lesbian Desire and the Anne Books,” that the relationship between Anne and Diana uses “the language that readers associate with adult romantic love rather than girlhood affections,” even as it is expressed through the heterosexual paradigm of marriage.
One fanfiction author, ArcticLava21, makes it clear that such fan written stories are not speculation but instead address key issues of representation. The author’s note to ArcticLava21’s short Anne/Diana story, “Nature,” reads, “Hello everybody! Hope your [sic] having a wonderful day. Before anyone yells at me for ‘sexualizing platonic friendships’ please note that this is for all those queer kids who grew up pretending. Pretending that he ended up with him instead of her, or desperately wanted representation. Are we good? <3 Enjoy yourselves lovely people.” The intended audience of the story, “queer kids who grew up,” again establishes the transgenerational kinship between Montgomery’s child and adult fans.
All fan fiction, shared on the Internet, exist in dialogue not just with Montgomery’s fiction but with the author herself, and between the fans who read the novels as children and adolescents and the adults that these readers become.
Whether fan writers extend the narrative or fill gaps, transpose chronology or to queer the text, these pieces of fanfiction allow fans not only to insert themselves into the narrative, but also simultaneously to revivify the original novels, published a century ago. In performing interventions to the text, Montgomery’s young fans grow up to reply to the discussions that she began long ago in the pages of her journals and stories, ensuring that all three – author, reader, and text – are continually reborn into a conversation that will never end.
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spotsupstuff · 3 days
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Honestly with my understanding of how your cycles work it would be funny to see an interaction between a human and an ancient where they are like "Woe is us we are trapped in a cycle blah... blah (basically longwinded explenation of how it works)" and the person is just like "I don't see the issiue here that's cool as fuck"
yes, well... part of why the rebirth cycle (Small Cycle) became so despised *is* because of propaganda. originally the thing was seen as a gift worth worshipping and praising, but as most things usually do, it has some downsides that certain group of people latched on to to demonize it
most of those being the aftermath of waking from death. such as still feeling the pain of the injury that killed the individual. it's relatively fine if one gets a fast death like a Noot stabbing, but if it's death like bleeding out from dismemberment? waking up feeling the pain of it, the phatom body part aspect even though it's Right There and not being able to treat it until it fades on its own isn't so fun
then the mental scarring of going through something like that...
the raincarnation cycle (Great Cycle) became despised because of something like a spirit's depression/nearly chronic frustration. low karma Ancients (under karma level 7) experience those kind of feelings seemingly out of nowhere, detached from the situation happening in the physicality
one can be eating their most favorite food ever and suddenly Bam, feelings of anger, sadness and frustration all at themselves. this happens because the spirit is aware it isn't moving forwards in cultivation/towards natural Ascension as it is supposed to and that upsets it
and judging by the existence of Those -points at Iterators- not many people actually work on bettering themselves because Why would they? They have the Iterators to get them the reward for becoming a good person without them having to change anything
so the nearly chronic spirit frustration/depression is common
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boringmarinn · 1 day
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Why do you ship Sans x Frisk? As a person who ships them myself, what do you see in them, like about them? Personality traits, situations, tropes etc, anything that comes to mind, what makes you enjoy them and continue to breathe life to them?
Omg ok sooo... When I realized I was already shipping Sans and Frisk, maybe because I love the trope of the funny ironic character who has secrets and the silent protagonist who have a lot of will and power. I also have a soft spot for monster x human interactions, relationships and seeing several AUs with the two of them was what made me like it even more.
I think I liked them visually because the sprites in the game are so cute and the same size and the colors match and so on. I also see Sans more as a teenager and Frisk as well so i almost always draw and write them close. Frisk have a lot of secrets that Sans knows about and vice versa, and both have this drama about fate, about powers that can destroy, judgment and guilt, responsibility and determination i found super interesting.
I absolute love the concept of Frisk being a "more than a simple human" thing, a deity, some powerful force that can be either benevolent or dangerous when in contrast with Sans that's "just a normal boss monster" or something like that. I'm in love with Frisk being a god what just wants to live a normal life, having a normal family and a happy life and find this wish coming true with their monster family, and they find love with that one monster who has kept his eye socket on them all this time, seeing the sweetness and love that they share.
I also love the angst in the forbidden love thing, like, monster and human love being a taboo...
Frisk It's a character that ended up growing in my hand while I was drawing and creating, so to speak. I didn't want to let Frisk become that cliché of cute and lovable, so she/they transformed a little too quickly hehe. Today It's very different and that adorable cover is just a disguise for the real Frisk. Which isn't a terrible evil being either, it's just harder to comprehend and morally gray. They're determined still, to being a better person and changing the order of things and changing fate.
Sans I don't even know where and how to start because he has been my main and if not my most intense and prolonged hyperfocus. I have a lot of fun writing and drawing it in many different ways, with my favorite being this ironic, calm and funny little guy, but who carries a huge weight on his shoulders for the people he loves, a guy who worries too much about simple things and is a bit anxious and uncertain about the future.
Soo... Well i think that's a lot of reasons people like them two. They're two little guys, they go around the time and space, (like sans can teleport in space and frisk teleports in time thats so cool aaaa) them both like papyrus and toriel very much, they two are poker faced deadpan funny faces
I find them fun and even more fun is seeing other talented artists in the community doing their own interpretations of them in such unique ways. I love seeing fans making content for fans and how the characters change drastically in each person's hands, it's beautiful
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moomoorare · 5 months
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Need I remind everyone Purgatory is done and it was just a game, for FUN!!!!! Same will be for purgatory 2!!! I understand having bias and favorite teams but do not in any case bring down others because yours is too special or whatever, they were all the same, they were all trapped in there with tensions high and did things they normally wouldn't, the characters acted accordingly to their lore, it's okay to be upset at some decisions made but god don't make it a state affair. It was just Block game rp alroiughtt
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dayurno · 3 months
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this is somewhat of a vent post & something i said i would not do again but has been plaguing me enough that i think getting it out might feel better. so. has anydoggy else been. Baffled and upset by nora sakavic’s refusal to speak on how terribly aftg has treated its characters of color? with the author of the series coming back with a new book and starting up on her online activity again, and questions of what she’d change about aftg bubbling up, it’s particularly glaring to me that we are all playing this very long game of pretend where we ignore how badly the non-white cast has been treated & her lack of thoughts on it
and i understand not wanting to bring up nicky and thea because people pick on her for it. i’m not trying to discredit nora sakavic’s terrible history of getting harrassed online by aftg fans. but i think it is very cynical, and it is very juvenile, and most of all very cruel, that she gets to ignore the very real ways the books have set up these characters to be hated. i think it’s obvious why the characters who get the most hate are the only canonical characters of color, and i think we do not get to treat this like a deliberate decision on the fandom’s part when the books have put these same characters in degrading and embarrassing and terrible positions in the first place. aftg is not a story about nice characters with clean pasts, but there is a very specific nastiness to the only characters of color being a brown man who sexually harasses and later assaults the main character, a black woman whose only scene is her lashing out at her love interest after being ignored for the first two books, and the japanese villain who gets maybe two lines of complexity before he goes back to being a terrible person. the white cast, in comparison, while not at all free from flaws, are never shown to commit mindless evil; all of their actions are ultimately justified. the book goes out of its way to give them concession after concession. we know exactly who to side with, because aftg tells us who these people are. does nicky’s assault ever get addressed in the books? does riko’s reasoning to be the way that he is ever gets more than briefly aluded to? is thea reserved even a shred of humanity or grace in her one scene?
anyway. it’s been years of talking about this and the fandom has been constantly hostile to criticism in this regard, and more recently any criticism at all, and it’s Grating to be on the other side of this discussion. it’s exhausting to know that in ten years we do not get even an acknowledgment besides the author saying she will not answer questions about nicky and thea anymore. it’s upsetting and it’s ugly and i wish no one had to talk about this again, but we do because what i thought was common sense has been washed away by a sudden influx of no-nuance adoration for the trilogy. basically i hope we all explode
two hours later edit: you're allowed to reblog this! sorry about the confusion
#this has been so upsetting to notice but 🥹whatever#there is a different kind of bitterness to thinking about how ten years have passed#and we are getting new content that changes and maybe even rectifies many of the ways we see and interact w aftg#and none of it not a bit of it addresses the racism#how it’s been ten years and the only thing we really get to show it is a book about a ship between two white men the fandom came up with#after seeing them be Suggested to interact in canon#i understand not wanting to hurt nora sakavics feelings by asking her about this#but imagine how tired we are. Imagine how tired we are#do you know how bad it feels to read through nicky’s worst moments in aftg#and know that he was written this way because he looks like me?#do you understand how exhausting it all is. can you imagine?#the fandom has been so quick to undo the criticism fans of colors have been making since day one#and for what. for what! my doves. for what?#have we come out of it any greater? have we done anything but lie to ourselves?#and anyway this is not some mindless pessimism#this is not me telling you that aftg is bad and you cant love it; cant have it mean anything to you#this is me saying that when we acknowledge these things it makes us better readers and better people#nora sakavic if you are reading this from whatever hellhole america you find yourself in#grabs you by the shoulders. This is not the end#this is not something to sit back and feel bad about#you have opened the floodgates of hell with tsc. kick the door in and release a revised version of aftg#there is a real material way for you to make this better. it is possible and it will not kill you#i would read a revised aftg. my mutuals would. many many many many fans would#making mistakes is not just a human right its a human inevitability#but we do not have to let ourselves get defined by them. We can do hard things#lets go of nora sakavics shoulders. anyway. where were we#aftg#txt#tsc
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onlyfangz · 16 days
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ive definitely talked abt this before, but i literally cannot relate to the posts that are like "ohhh you guys ship them romantically when theyre soo much more interesting as friends". i contain multitudes. i think they are best friends. i think they are lovers. i think they are soulmates in a way that cant be categorised. these statements dont conflict.
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glitterxfemme · 9 months
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Fuck off and stop interacting with my blog you fuckin terf
gotta be one of the more confusing asks i’ve gotten for 2 reasons, the first being if you don’t want me to interact with you block me then lol, the second being calling me a terf which is literally laughable
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dogco11ar · 2 months
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been having extremely vivid and unsettling dreams lately but the one i just had felt way more intense than the others. i had a fake ‘catch up’ convo with someone from my past and he ended it by asking me “did fulfillment make the world feel a whole lot smaller?” and pushed me awake
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magnoliamyrrh · 6 months
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especially bc if theres one thing speaking to ppl on complicated subjects has taught me, and actually getting across to them, is that actually, yea. often times being able to talk and rationalize and keep your cool achieves 3000% more than yelling, screaming, insulting, or anything else does. oh, it sure is harder. oh, its an emotional toll. and you really wanna just call them stupid or tell them to fuck off. but the changes of getting somewhere are much better
there are people which will not change. there are ppl which do not want to hear. there are people which are set to remain in their ways..... but many people are capable of change. maybe people are capable of growth..... and i think... ultimately many ppl wanna be "good," whatever good means in their eyes. and playing off of that to your advantage helps
#ive definetely talked abt this before on here but im forever thinking of the black dude who spend years befriending the head of the kkk#and the dude ended up leaving it. and now this dude has Hundreds of robes of former clan people who have left Because Of Him#.........#....#which tells me in a very very real way. that life is complicated and there is definetely hope and people can definetely change#and that i dont think yelling at a clan member or calling them whatever which is all of our instinct with ppl of those sorts#would have been able to achieve the same result ultimately#....... and if so many fucking kkk members out of all things are able to be moved by rationality#talk. empathy. compassion and reaching across the isle..... fuck man#i think that says a lot about the chances of ppl who are way less worse than kkk members to get better#🤷‍♀️#also something Darly Davis (the dude who started this and got the kkk member to resign) said something which i think is true too#what seems to be (and i think theres anth studies on this too) The Most Effective way to break someones hatred is for them to have a#positive interaction with someone from the group they hate. to actually learn abt them and See them for something to click in their brains#also unironically what balkan reddit showed#yes westerners found it offensive bc it was ethnic/racial/national stereotypes and jokes taken to an extreme (which was the point)#but so many ppl on there said before the reddit they rly were nationalistic and hated other balkan ppl. but bc of it#and bc of the exteme jokes abt stereotypes they saw how stupid it all was#and actually made friends from our different nations and realized that all the hatred is stupid#and suddenly all the endless nationalistic propaganda dug in their heads and the hatred and the ethnic supremacy and everything else ceased
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winterdusktales · 1 year
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yg has conditioned ot7 ikon to be a touring group so now even when they all left yg, all they (ikon & hanbin) do is tour and join various music festivals. like i know those guys would prefer inviting other artists to guest in their concert over inviting them for a quick tiktok challenge or something
#also why they dont have much close idol friends outside yg or ex yg artists#kinda frustrating sometimes as a multi cuz i want them interacting w other artists who arent or never have been related to yg#they love that slow build friendship over music collab than a quick tiktok challenge for clout sksksk#but like theyre capitalists too so which easier way to get those 💸💸💸 and keep ur stans loyal than a tour#all they have to do is perform on stage (which theyre v comfy with) and do some fan service#so its a win win#plus they get to travel#if i were an idol i'd prefer this tbh#imagine if yg didnt gatekeep and sabotage their career before#theyd be soooo rich now w all the sold out world tours every year#but yg did and theyre still on the nugu side#so i think they should consider doing different things outside their comfort zone to promote themselves better#hanbin is actually doing well w it despite the restrictions#but ikon....#can they stop relying on their company cuz even their new one isnt doing a great job promoting them#honestly they need a better team behind them#they did change companies but their managers are still the same sksksk#so how theyre managed is still the same -.-#i have so much to say but i just realized i put way too many tags#lol bye#one of those days again where i have to let smth out before i sleep TT#but u know... one can always say theyre doing it for the art and not the fame 🤷🏻‍♀️#but knowing my man#junhoe#i know that diva wants to be famous#while still be in it for the art#he literally had an old interview saying ikon has a potential to be famous#my fellow envisioner <3#jana rambles
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thebuginyourwalls · 1 year
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Trying not to put sizey stuff in my non-gt project challenge: Impossible Difficulty
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snekdood · 2 years
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I think some of yall are just gonna have to accept that vegans have a different philosophy than you.
#YOU might think its respectful to eat animals or whatever the fuck#but like i dont and cant bring myself to. sorry#IM not about to let that get in the way of being friends w non vegans though .#like im never gonna be like 'killing animals is cool' bc to me it isnt and i dont think theres many reasons to unless you specifically have#to eat it for some reason. im not even a pure vegan. i still eat meat. i just dont see the pleasure in it.#ig i cant help but think about factory farming and the horrible ways animals die. i also dont really know if theres a Good way to kill an#animal just for sustenance.#i think itll be bad no matter what but ig theres *better* ways to do it if you have to#i think yall havw to understand that im literally just some person whos come to this conclusion#i dont have systemic power to change how things are so dont bitch that im taking your meat away when clearly its not going anywhere#yall essentially anti vegans are exhausting.#what i hate is how i say i care about animals lives and then in a defensive immediate retort people try to claim that i dont care about#oppressed humans. as if all vegans are actually just eco fascists who couldnt be assed to give a fuck about minorities lmao#im sorry youve interacted with shitty vegans but i promise theres vegans who just like dont want anyone to be killed if it can be helped#maybe i do actually just care about both of these things at once. ik its shocking#and i promise that me generally supporting ntv and other ppls ability to hunt for whatever environmental justification#isnt mutually exclusive from me thinking its generally not good to eat meat#like it IS possible to believe two things at once#also great news for you! i dont have control over you and your life. so whatever i say could fundementally not effect you#and no. thinking an action is bad doesnt mean i think anyone who hunts is a Bad Person. i also cant make them stop either#i just have personal feelings on the matter#sorta like how your friend has a preference for a tv show you find problematic and you've vented your frutrations w it#but they still love the show anyways and you wouldnt take that away from them bc a. you cant and b. it doesnt effect our friendship enough#for me to feel the need to try to encourage them to not watch it...?#the totally wacky and wild and unique unheard of thing abt me is that i dont need to control people who want to live a different life#even if i dont think its entirely cool whatever it is they do#obviously if theyre a racist or something i wont tolerate that but yeah#this is MY path in life. these are MY beliefs. i dont need you to follow in my footsteps.#im not ur guru lol#im not pushing for any policies. i dont have a plan to *make* everyone vegan. im just sharing my thoughts.
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astrxealis · 1 year
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sometimes (often) i think about the characters i kin or relate to and then the realization comes in again and again that i need therapy (/lh?)
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#unfortunately i doubt i will ever get therapy bcs i have this. thing. idk. but i believe in myself to just rely on myself?#and yeah i uhh can go on more about that BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF THIS sorry i suck at explaining things. anyways#humans. interesting. i am fascinated by humans and myself and i'm tired of typing now GOODBYE anyways xiv music is so fucking good#and also idk how to interact w others sorry ..... i am scared of getting close to people bcs everyone i've grown close to has ended up#leaving me or i mess up! but tbh it's better now i think and also not as bad as i think but sorry i still have bad issues with. that#me saying i don't want to type anymore and then proceed to rapidly type out so many words oopsies#pls just do not PERCEIVE ME !! unless you want to ig but idk why you'd want to do that uhm#yk i like tumblr most out of all social medias bcs it feels like i can... sort of just be my weird self here! and it's not fully nice#and i still have anxiety problems and overthinking problems and whatnot which is evident by my 100+ notifs i havent checked since#christmas but that's not the point (?) idk whats the point honestly uhhhh nvm (??)#OH I LOVE FF SO MUCH tbh it's w/o a doubt still my favorite series ever but drake/nier is also up there for sure#which i think is amazing bcs i have yet to finish a game. and ive only like played idk 5 hours of replicant and automata#and then ive already spoiled myself on important aspects of all games but that helps ngl uh. i could explain but im tired of typing#ANYWAYS GOD actually noehgjbsejhbghjes i really suck w interacting w others i really wish i were better at all that#im not super introverted or shy im just kinda awkward and anxious but im a fun person and all and idk#and tbh its interesting thinking abt my personality... some parts of me havnt changed at all from a bit (/pos) like my lively. aspect of my#personality !! i was a bundle of energy and a little annoying (perhaps unintentionally but now i think its a bit more on purpose lol)#but the only person who really sees my true self is me. and the closest to that is lune. but even i dont know who i really am#and yeah... wnvr im like woa ill make more friends !! and then when i have the opportunities i suddenly dont care anymore IT SUCKS#anyways i think i have Opportunities now again so lets see haha ?? at least uhh in school. its like 2nd sem and i dont rlly have friends#as usual haha that sounds so sad help BUT its not like im disliked im just rlly quiet and shy at school..... throwback to 7th grade tho#that was rlly the worst but also now is just as bad in a diff sense but back then i cldnt talk w my crush at ALL i didnt speak at all im so#sorry about that HELPPP I RLLY JUST CLDNT SPEAK anyways moving on in my class rn i do have a group of sorts. like#we're grpmates wnvr theres grpworks and we can pick which is nice! ive been classmates w em all b4 and theyre the cool kids#but in the more fandom sense and one used to be a close friend of my twin and of mine too by extent and then the other was someone#who knew me when i was more extroverted so yeah uhhh anyways#OKAY ALMOST MAX TAGS im DONE rambling. bye. hopefully. bye. oh god
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this-should-do · 2 years
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i think i might genuinely be a genius for using "gordon" "freeman" to refer to different aspects of gordon and using "gordon freeman" to refer when the two aspects are functioning in tandem i feel so smart for it, i hope it comes across as impactful and clear for readers as i hope lol
#the descision was inspired by reading so many diff fics where authkrs use either name and how jt changes how u#i terpeet the character and vice versa#so i wanted to use both becuz i like both super serious hardened freem@ns and softer kinder gordos#so i decided id try to represent both and becuz im a lil fucken goblin its done in one of the angstiest ways possible lol#it also allows me to have a i ternal monilogue that contradicts the enternal actions becuz its one part of gorson winning out over the othe#but not in a these are two seperate people#but in a one is his default personal state the other is a impersonal persona shaped by nescessity trauma and other influence used to#protect his own psyche#but it is kinda maladaptive and neither are good at careing for the self in the long run but is better at immediate sutvival but they also#lack self preservation becuz of the outside influence of being needed by others to save them#its complicated#i love coming uo with ways to reconsile the many different interpretations of gordon i have and making my own fucked up guy#oh god im so excited to finally show anybody this fic#cuz im thinkjng once i get sum people to beta read it i guess is what it is?? ill post it on a03#and its great cuz the way ive co structed it is that since its bases on the interior and exterior face thing of how people interact with#the world i can still use it for prerescas just how the personas act is different and they combine and shift and change#doubt ill ever write all that tho but its solidfying in ny brain and i can see it so clearly#iwillspeakincessantly
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sleeperagentclone · 2 months
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I am too socially inept to deal with all the weird people my dad has collected over the years
#Like no my dad is not here right now because come back when he is#The old people who seem like they did too many drugs in the 70s/80s are more annoying#But like he'll set up a precedent of buying shit from homeless guys because “maybe they'll have something good someday”#And he'll just give them money which is all well and good (if I ever donate money to anything or give change to anyone I've been scammed)#But then he expects me (5'1 teenage girl looking ass) to refuse to give them money when he cuts them off#Like he is 65+ and over 6 feet tall I AM NOT#And like telling people who are seemingly unstable that you can't give them money and that no only the owner buys things and no you can't#Leave a pile of junk for him to look at later and no I can't give you any money over and over is fucking scary!#I am for sure speaking from a place of privilege because I would probably just be dead if not for my support network#I could very easily be on the other side of this I'm not fucking stable I can't hold down a real job#But I am just not equipped to be having these interactions and honestly I shouldn't be having them anyway#He keeps pretty regular hours and answers his phone so I don't understand why people are always looking for him when I'm here#I will say the homeless guys he buys from have gotten a lot better about coming in when he's actually here#And one of them Chris is perfectly nice he's a great artist but he also smells bad and is visiblely dirty sometimes and that sets off my ocd#and also makes me feel like a really shitty person for 'judging' him when I know that he doesn't have stable access to a shower#When I'm actually just suffering from my mental illness and that can also trigger the intrusive thought side of the ocd#Where I get stuck in a loop of thinking I'm a terrible person#And also I just feel bad not giving him money#And like we sell his art in the store but people rarely buy it which is annoying because it's pretty fucking sick
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