I found the first part of this in my drafts, dating back all the way to February (written right after episode 5 aired I believe), and I simply had to finish it. It's just a little ficlet for once, no title, nothing big. Just the missing scene where Ellie gets the hug she needs and Joel reaches an important understanding.
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It's the way Ellie looks at him, Joel realizes afterward, when the bodies are buried and they're walking along overgrown rusted cars and rubble. She is a child, fourteen years old and without anyone who ever took responsibility for her. No one to raise her, protect her, give her the comfort of a parent keeping their child safe. FEDRA takes in whatever healthy children they can find (usually not even bothering with the ones that aren't) and raises them to be soldiers, to follow orders, emotional care deemed unnecessary. They're not the only ones only focusing on how to survive in a world that doesn't know a Before, only an After.
Joel remembers how it should be, though. Remembers Sarah in his arms, small and helpless, screaming for him because it was the only thing she knew how to do. He always came, every single time she cried for him he answered. There is a look of complete and unconditional trust children have for their parents, their caregivers, an acceptance of an unspoken promise.
I will take care of you.
It was the last thing he saw in Sarah's eyes before she died.
He subconsciously recognizes it in Ellie, Sam's blood spattered across the floor, her face, her clothes, and his instincts drive him to act, leaning forward to get to her without any hesitation. The same deep-seated parental fear lives on, too, it always will, and it sparks up in him again and again and again with every threat to Ellie's life. Kill the soldier, shoot the infected, keep her away from harm, get her somewhere safe. Joel would have build a new world for Sarah, brick upon brick stacked with his bare hands, but he lost her before he could try. Ellie is his second chance.
Henry stops him from getting to her, growl building in his throat, and then Henry is gone just like his brother, and Ellie's whimper echoes louder than the gun shot. Pain flares in his knees when he finally drops down next to her, arms outstretched, grasping, and she falls into him stiff with panic, eyes wide open. She is warm, alive, and Joel can feel her frantic heartbeat pounding beside his own as he cradles her against his chest. The sudden silence rings in his ears, drowned out only by the tiny, hiccuping sobs ripping through her, and Joel responds without thinking, pulling her further into his lap and gently rocking them back and forth.
Twenty years ago, he did the same covered in blood with a dead daughter in his arms, and the memory fades in and out in time with her breaths, suffocating him as a part of him expects every exhale to be her last. One of his hands comes up to cup the back of her head, fingers buried in her hair, and Joel carefully pushes her face down until it fills the space between his neck and shoulder, eyes covered and kept away from the death lingering around them. He whispers mindlessly against her scalp, less coherent words and more soothing noises, not seeking to quiet her but to provide whatever comfort he can.
They're both shaking with adrenaline and fear, and Ellie clings to him so tightly their tremors are one and the same, her fingers clawing at his shirt, nails digging into his back. His skin is wet with her tears and Joel can't help but press his lips to her temple in a desperate attempt to help her calm down, previous resistance gone. All of his walls and defenses shattered the second she screamed his name so loudly her voice broke, begging him to safe her, and no matter how much he denies it, he will always be a father at heart. Joel needs a purpose, a reason to keep going, to let a child cry in his arms because he is the only thing standing between her and the world, committed to shielding her from whatever horrors he can as long as he is alive.
Ellie trusted him and he failed her today.
In-between sobs, she quietly whimpers his name like a chant, asking him to take away a pain he knows she shouldn't have to bear, aching with the awareness that she will never be the same after all she had to endure.
Joel soothes his hand along her spine, rubbing circles up and down her back, and he makes a promise to himself, to her, to Sarah's memory on his wrist.
He won't let another daughter die.
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man. thinking about how the survivors all desperately need new hobbies
like. okay. sonia’s a great example. off the top of your head what are her hobbies? probably learning about and researching true crime and the occult, and watching j-dramas/anime, right? but if you really think about it, her fascination with japanese culture very much feels like her just desperately wanting to fit in and massively overcompensating. so while i do think she probably enjoys those shows, theyre definitely not as popular in her kingdom as she claims (not that im saying she’s lying on purpose, just that. well, when you feel embarrassed about someones reaction to you liking something, sometimes you’ll try to make an excuse for why you do yknow), and plus, its not like they have access to a lot of entertainment media for a while post program. as for the occult/true crime stuff…
look me in the eye and tell me junko did not use that against her. do you really think junko enoshima would not see a girl obsessed with the study of serial killers and not try and warp that into a fascination with her?
i think that stuff leaves a bad taste in her mouth now. and after committing and being complicit in the committing of the kind of crimes she used to be fascinated by, its kind of hard to find the joy in that anymore, yknow? the occult stuff could maybe still be enjoyable, but with how often it feels like there are ghosts lurking around every fucking corner and her dreams are filled with screaming corpses its kinda hard to be fanciful about that stuff.
so. girl needs some new hobbies.
its not much better for the others, either. akanes hobbies were basically working out, doing parkour, eating, and sleeping. the first two are downright impossible for the first several months after waking up, and for the foreseeable future any kind of physical activity is going to be, to an extent, difficult just due to how much chronic pain and weakness she’ll probably suffer the rest of her life. she can get to a healthier weight and a stronger muscular build, but its not going to change the fact that she gets out of breath and sore much faster than before. as for eating… well. thats gonna be a sore subject for a while. so all she has left is sleeping, and sleeping all day is, as ive been told by many people, kind of a depression symptom? and theres no way the others would sit back and let her do that.
girl needs some new hobbies!
kazuichi, from what we can tell, had a few more normal hobbies. in game you can find him gaming with chiaki, and he seems to enjoy coming up with schemes and plans for silly stuff, but overall he just loves his tinkering. he may be the ultimate mechanic but first and foremost he just loves fucking with machines and engines and finding out what makes them tick. but even that isnt gonna work anymore. sure, he could game. if they had any fucking consoles. or a working computer network. or any games. but none of that is happening for a while, if ever. as for his tinkering, it’s gotta be a similarly sore subject to sonia’s training and tutoring as a princess. its too closely linked to what he did as a despair, too closely linked to his talent, to not make him feel like screaming when he smells machine polish. i think he definitely could get back to a point where it genuinely brings him joy again, and before that he definitely forces himself to use his talent and knowledge because they need it, but. its a complicated problem.
the guy needs some new fucking hobbies.
and of course… fuyuhiko.
fuyuhiko… doesnt have any hobbies.
like okay can you think of a single thing from the game (or fuck even the anime) that implies that he has anything he actually does For Fun. he has a sweet tooth. hes dedicated to his clan. he went to the zoo with peko one time. he got in fights at school. thats… those arent hobbies. fuyuhiko doesnt have any hobbies!!! someone get this boy some fucking knitting needles or a book to read!!!! please!!!!!!!!!! i think it would genuinely help him a lot to have something to do instead of just sitting and stewing in his own trash fire of a brain speaking from experience. learn to sew, read some fantasy novels, learn to play the guitar, something. im begging you.
and hajime is his own fucking can of worms.
he probably had hobbies before the Horrors. right? he probably played some video games, maybe liked martial arts films, maybe sketched in the margins of his notebooks. rode his bike sometimes. but now? nothing keeps his interest that long. everything becomes monotonous after a while, and sure, sometimes thats the draw. with stuff like fiber crafts the point is sometimes making it muscle memory so you have something to do with your hands. but other times its not. and his ability to basically excel in most things you put in front of him has to be so fucking boring after a while. a lot of the point of having hobbies is that you arent perfect. the draw is learning, is getting better. even reading can become nothing when any nonfiction book has knowledge in it you already know and any fiction book you can intuit the ending from the first few pages. he probably reads Lightning Fast now too, so it cant hold his interest for long.
he probably has to constantly be switching hobbies and outlets. cant stay on one thing too long, or the ennui starts to set in. that sounds miserable.
someone get these kids some hobbies, man
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