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heesdreamer · 1 year

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ONE HUNDRED AND ONE

PAIRING ➩ heeseung x reader

SUMMARY ➩ returning back home from a failed year at college, you’re reunited with your little brothers best friend who always had a crush on you. this definitely hasn’t changed, but he sure has.

WARNINGS ➩ smut (rough at times), reader is jungwon’s older sister and there is a small age gap. enha have been aged down for the sake of being in similar grades (maknae line are all 17, 02z are all 18, heeseung is 20 and reader is 22)

WC ➩ 19k

AUTHORS NOTE ➩ not proofread of course lol and written at 5 am.. you know the drill by now. normally writing smut ruins the story for me but i think its fitting and a good choice here! let me know your thoughts NO PART 2 but feel free to ask any questions u found unanswered

When you found out you were going to be a big sister, you thought your entire world was going to end.

You’d spent the earliest years of your life listening to your friends complain about their younger siblings, cry when they had to share toys or their parents attention. So when your mother sat you down and explained that there was a baby in her belly, you were more than prepared to stand your ground and let the new enemies arrival know who was number one around here.

Five years old, you were stood in the hospitals waiting room with a pout on your face and your arms crossed in irritation, spending the morning listening to relatives gush about the babies arrival and waiting to see your mother after labor.

The anger stayed in your expression the entire walk down the hospital wings hallway, remaining strong as you crossed into your mothers room and not even faltering when she gave you a soft tired smile. You approached the bed, prepared to see the creature that was going to cause you a lifetime of pain and suffering.

And then he started to cry.

The thing about your friends younger siblings is; they simply were not Yang Jungwon. After the baby had come home and you continued to watch him grow and learn how to communicate, you waited for that angry and betrayed feeling to return like your peers had sworn it would, but it never arrived.

Jungwon was the absolute perfect little brother and you quickly adored him, following him around as he waddled throughout the house and giving him your toys to chew on whenever his little round head piqued up in interest. He rarely fussed, eating heavy portions and never quite growing into his big large eyes that would peer up at you everyday when you got home from school.

The same eyes that stared at you now, although now he was having to glance downwards considering his growth spurt during high school.

You’d barely walked through the door, bags and suitcase being dragged behind your back through the entryway, when you were being slammed full force into a tight hug by your little brother. He was 17 now, not quite little anymore but you quickly squealed and wrapped your arms around his neck when he lifted you up off the ground for a second.

“Baby brother.” You were exclaiming happily and he set you down, pulling back with a wide grin and sparkling eyes that kept widening in excitement.

You moving away for college has been hard on Jungwon, practically being best friends your entire lives despite the age difference causing some petty conflicts occasionally. You’d worried about him at first, never really being social outside of following you around when you went out with your friends but after he entered middle school he had found an entire group of kids his age and you felt less burdened when you had to leave.

It still didn’t make it any easier and the first few months you called every night, letting your little brother ramble about girls he had crushes on and things his friends got detention for.

Jungwon had been so proud of you for getting into a good college but you quickly became burnt out, slowly putting a stop to your nightly calls and rarely making the drive home for holidays anymore. You spent most of your days curled up on your dorm rooms couch, watching movie reruns from a decade ago and zoning out staring at your hefty workload.

Your parents had managed to convince you to come home for some time and decide what you wanted to do after your head got a bit more clear, even driving all the way up to your school to help you pack up your life into three measly boxes and bring you home for the next few months.

You felt ashamed and embarrassed about coming home at first, staying silent through the packing process and hurriedly walking out of the campus building to avoid any classmates stopping you and questioning why you were carrying so many bags. The excitement in your brothers face gave you the first sense of hope since you’d left, feeling a bit more okay about having to return home.

“Was the drive okay?” His voice was snapping you out of your train of thought and you smiled at him, messing up his hair and giving him a small nod before letting him take one of the bags off your shoulder. “You must be exhausted, mom and dad were right about waiting for the weekend to have the party.”

The two of you were leaving the entry way and making your way towards the kitchen area when the words slipped out of him, immediately freezing in your spot and seeing him wince from where he was standing. You cocked an eyebrow and your parents walked in just in time to catch sight of your expression and immediately sigh.

“You spoiled it, didn’t you?” Your dad was shaking his head at your little brother and moving past your frozen frame to deposit one of your boxes on the living room floor, glancing at your mom to help diffuse the situation.

“Listen honey, we were going to tell you we just… weren’t sure how you’d take it.” She was speaking in her typical soft tone, raising her hands in worry and giving you a guilty look.

“Mom a party is a terrible idea.” You were groaning softly and letting your bag slump to the floor, a childish whine slipping into your voice now that you were back at home and speaking comfortably to your family. “It’s not like I graduated or something, I basically dropped out. We can’t have a ‘congratulations you failed’ party, it’s humiliating.”

“You didn’t fail Y/N.” Jungwon was quickly cutting off your self depreciating rambles and you glanced over at him with another sigh. “It’s a welcome home party. We are welcoming you home!”

He sounded optimistic about it and you couldn’t help but crack a small smile at his tone and obvious excitement, the same excitement that led to him spoiling it in the first place.

It was such a typical Jungwon thing to be so optimistic about a party that wasn’t even for him, always the bright light to your more hesitant and cynical personality. He kept you having fun and being youthful when being a teenager was hard but he was still far more emotionally mature than most adults you knew, knowing when to ground himself and be realistic.

“Besides, all my friends will be there.” He was continuing on and you shot your mom an annoyed glanced to which she attempted to give you a stern look in return.

Whilst Jungwon was the best sibling ever, his friends were still very much typical teenage boys. You remember the first time he brought the group home in middle school, expecting to see a few meek kids who suited your brothers more timid personality and would address your parents with table manners and polite greetings.

Much to your surprise, apparently your little brother had managed to befriend the nosiest middle schoolers you’d ever encountered. You quickly remembered how much your friends had disliked their younger brothers and you imagined you’d have a similar belief if they were anything like the boys Jungwon quickly became near family with.

Sunoo and Riki were in the same grade as Jungwon, freshly entering middle school but they bickered and argued like adult men. Multiple times throughout the years, you had to physically step in between them and remove one from a situation before things got too messy. Outside of their tendency to clash, they were practically attached at the hip and quickly adopted your sibling to join their close duo.

The other boys were much more tolerable despite their own sets of various issues.

Jay, a year above your brother but decades older, weirdly reminded you of your grandfather at times. You’d hear him scolding the boys from the other room about watching where they fling controllers and on multiple occasions he had scolded you about having healthier lifestyle and diet choices.

Jake was practically his opposite in every way, a vacuum to junk food and a magnet to all things chaos. The boy had a tendency to lose his footing and his clumsiness really became a staple in his personality after he tumbled his elbow through the third piece of drywall in your house.

Park Sunghoon could barely speak a word to you for the first few years he came around, going as far as to verbally squeak and disappear around corners back to your brothers room whenever you came out to get a glass of water or ask them if they wanted you to order a pizza. He eventually started to warm up to you, managing to hold small talk by the time you left for school, but not nearly as quick as the oldest member of the group did.

Lee Heeseung had practically got down on one knee and proposed to you the moment he met you. Quite literally, considering you’d opened the door to greet them all for the first time and the boy had immediately pretended to faint into his friends arms, landing on an annoyed Jay who swatted him away and told him to greet you properly.

Being the oldest, Heeseung was three years older than your little brother which by default meant he was two years your junior, which was a fact he reminded you of almost every single time he saw you.

Whilst the other boys seemed to take you on as a sisterly figure, asking you for help with homework and requesting rides home from sport practices or late running hangout sessions, Heeseung had made it very clear that he saw you in a very different way. He was a flirt, albeit extremely harmless and mostly using terrible pickup lines he had stumbled upon online.

You found him funnier than you’d like to admit, absolutely never telling him this or even sparing him a chuckle during his hundreds of passes at you.

You weren’t too worried about actually hurting his feelings, assuming he was just infatuated with you because you were an older girl who was around all the time and that was practically a goldmine to a boy entering high school. So you continued on with your eye rolls and pushing him away whenever he purposely sat too close to you in the car on family road trips.

It wasn’t until your graduation that you considered the possibility you had been wrong about how fleeting his comments towards you really were. He’d never given up on the flirting but you figured it was just a habit by now, a running joke considering they’d eventually died down and became more tame the older you both got.

Then you were walking off that stage with a bright proud smile, your future pretty much guaranteed at a college that was driving distance and you pulled your brother and parents into a big hug before stepping back and catching sight of the boy standing behind a bouquet of big flowers.

Heeseung had nervously handed them over to you and the shake of his hands made your eyebrows furrow, so used to his extremely relaxed and comedic personality. You’d never really seen him nervous outside of a few moments during school where he’d failed an important test or had a particularly bad argument with his parents. You gave him a small smile and inspected the flowers.

“Are these baby’s breath?” You were glancing up at him and your eyes widened slightly in excitement at the smell of your favorite flowers. “These are beautiful Hee, did Jungwon tell you they were my favorite?”

“No… I just remembered.” He was smiling softly back at you and he looked relieved that you liked them, scratching his neck softly and watching as you smelled the high quality bouquet a few more times before smiling up at him again. “Actually I wanted to give you them because they-“

He was cut off by the sound of somebody calling your name a few times and you both glanced over, seeing a few of your classmates waving you over and positioning themselves in front of a camera. You laughed softly and amidst your excitement from the busy day, you completely missed the way his face fell as your attention quickly diverted away from him and what he was trying to tell you.

“They’re amazing Heeseung, I’ll make sure to put them in water as soon as I get home. Thank you again.” You were giving him another smile that made his cheeks flush, hand raising in a small wave before you were turning and disappearing into the crowd.

He watched as you posed in the photo with his flowers in your hand, your friends wrapping their arms around you and steadying their caps as you all prepared to start your adult lives in different schools and parts of the world.

You didn’t see the boy again after that for a while, spending the summer before college started with your friends and making some last minute memories before you were all apart for a while. Then you had your going away party and you, once again, were too focused on other things and you don’t recall ever even seeing him there despite the fact he always came to your family events and was certainly somewhere in the house.

It’d been three years now since you’d seen the seven boys all together and despite the constant messes and loud nights they’d caused you back in high school, you couldn’t help but feel a little bit excited to see them all again.

You definitely didn’t consider them your friends but you were fond of them and they made your little brother happy, listening to him ramble about their recent adventures all night while he helped you unpack your boxes and bags back into your childhood bedroom.

“We don’t have to do the party if you don’t want to.” He was telling you after you’d finished, standing in your doorway with his pajamas on and a toothbrush between his teeth. “It was sort of my idea but I don’t want to make you feel weird about being home.”

You felt guilty at the expression on his face, trying to remain steady and pretend he didn’t care but you could tell that he had been excited about the idea of people gathering to celebrate your return and knowing him, he most likely already had most of the details planned out in advance. As much as you weren’t necessarily looking forward to it, assuming it would contain a lot of awkward small talk and you explaining that you hadn’t graduated early and that’s not why you were home, you figured it wouldn’t hurt enough to cancel the whole thing.

“I think it could be fun.” You were shrugging from under your covers and if he could tell you were lying he didn’t show it as his face split into a grin around the plastic in his mouth.

Your little brother bid you goodnight in a soft voice, closing your door gently and leaving you to lay in your bed that slowly became unfamiliar to you. You stared at the posters on the walls, bands you no longer listened to and movies you’d forgotten the plot of. Everything was exactly the same and you were the only part of your life that had changed significantly, leaving you feeling out of place and isolated.

You sighed softly and rolled onto your side so you didn’t have to look at your bedroom that was frozen in time, letting yourself drift off to sleep and trying not to think about the fact you were back to square one.

——

It only took about half a day later for you to realize that you’d been wrong about being the only thing to change, incredibly wrong in fact considering how dumbfounded you currently were standing in front of your open front door and staring at the people in front of you.

When there had been sharp pounding on the wood, you hadn’t hesitated to swing it open despite the fact you technically didn’t live there anymore and it most likely wasn’t going to be somebody you knew. Still, it was a habit to not let guest stand outside on the porch unanswered and you felt complete deja vu when you swung open the door to see six people crammed together outside.

They were all hanging over each other to try and get a look at you first, excited grins on their faces and you were completely thrown off for a moment because how matured they all looked.

“So you are back.” Sunghoon was excitedly announcing, no sign of hesitance or his usual awkwardness when it came to addressing you. He’d always been handsome but he settled nicely into his features now that he was an adult and his shoulders were a lot broader now, perfect for supporting Sunoo who was grinning at you from over them.

“Jungwon texted us last night but we didn’t believe him.” Your head turned to match the voice and you smiled softly when you saw it was Jay, standing still in place and looking every bit as serious as he normally was.

“Why would he lie about that?” Jake was pushing past the others to enter the house first and he nearly tripped over the welcome mat, falling closer to you and barely steadying himself before he was pulling you in for a tight hug.

“Nice to see you too Jake.” You mumbled into his shoulder, wincing slightly at the force of his embrace. He pulled away with a dog like grin before moving aside so the others could file in.

You hugged them all individually as they passed through, feeling like you were seventeen again and they were coming over for a sleepover. Except now they were almost all adults and even Riki was towering over you now, the tallest of the group despite the fact he was barely coming up to your shoulder when you had left.

You paused after the fifth boy had passed through, faltering completely as you looked at the final member of the usual group and your eyes widened a touch.

“What, no hug for me?” Heeseung’s voice was ringing clearly in your ears but you still hadn’t processed that it was him standing in front of you.

Last time you saw the boy he almost resembled a scared hamster of sorts, always looking around with big wide eyes and not fully grown into his ears and long limbs. Part of the reason you’d never taken his advances seriously was because you couldn’t see him as a man most the time, full of boyish charm and a messy grin.

A grin similar to the one he was giving you now albeit this one was a lot more matured and carrying a heavy aura of confidence. A confidence he was definitely deserving of having considering he has clearly been working on both his physical health and his sense of style. You’d never once found yourself nervous around the younger boy but you were toeing the line of intimidated as you looked up at him now.

You pulled him in for a quick hug, hoping it wasn’t noticeably faster than the others before you were pulling away but keeping your hands on his upper arms.

“Woah… you’re..” You trailed off and your eyes widened slightly, squeezing his biceps in wonder and ignoring the way he let out a small laugh at your amusement. He was still looking at you with that almost cocky grin and you avoiding meeting his gaze for now.

“Yeah, hyungs been working out a lot to impress his girlfriend.” Riki’s voice was sounding from behind you, taking note of your fascination and you quickly dropped your hands from the boy to avoid any chance of misinterpretation.

You cleared your throat and took a step away from him, glancing up at him and realizing he had lost the casual grin and was glaring daggers at the youngest boy who was still stood behind you. You waited for him to move out of the doorway so you could shut it behind them, watching as they bounded up the stairs to go and get your brother.

You smiled softly at the nostalgia of it all and walked over to the kitchen, still having a few hours before the party actually started and being strictly instructed that you weren’t allowed to help with the set up portion of the night. Having nothing to do was driving you crazy however so you started to slowly chop up the vegetables that would be laid out on the snack table, humming to yourself softly.

“Need any help?” You were jumping in place and accidentally knocking over the pile of broccoli at the sudden sound of somebody speaking right next to your ear. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I thought you heard me coming.”

Heeseung was quickly bending over to pick up the soiled vegetables and you watched him, slightly flustered from the jumpscare and the fact he was glancing up at you from down at your feet to see if you were okay.

“It’s alright.” You quickly assured him, realizing he was waiting for you to say something and he watched you for a second before he was nodding and standing up to throw away the food into your trash can.

You were moving some carrots over to the cutting board instead, feeling strangely unsteady as he walked to the other side of the kitchens island and pulled a stool out to sit and watch you. You could feel him staring at your face as you chopped, occasionally glancing down at your uncoordinated hands and you cleared your throat uncomfortably.

“So.. is your girlfriend coming tonight?” You were asking, not sure why you had said it and quickly regretting it when you looked up at him and his face dropped.

“I don’t have a girlfriend. Riki doesn’t know what he’s talking about.” He was sighing and shaking his head, stretching forward slightly to grab a cut up piece of carrot off the board and throw it into his mouth before you could scold him.

“Not a girlfriend then, just your friend that’s a girl that you work out to impress.” Your tone was teasing as you said it but you kept glancing up at him to check his reaction, knowing that before he wouldn’t have minded the comment but things were different now. He just nodded in confirmation and watched you for a few seconds. “Why not your girlfriend?”

You imagined if this had been a few years ago he would’ve taken this opportunity to flirt with you, made some cheesy comment about you being the only girl for him and go on about how nothing could stand in between your destined love. You weren’t sure why you were disappointed when he did nothing but shrug softly.

“Shouldn’t you be upstairs with the other boys?” You eventually asked him in a soft tone, feeling calmer now that you started to feel familiar in his presence again. Despite looking shockingly different, this was still just Heeseung.

“I figured you’d be busy once the party started.” He was shrugging again like he hadn’t paid much thought to it but his stare was heavy on you. “Wanted to see you now before you were distracted.”

“I’d never be too busy to talk to you guys.” You were titling your head and shaking it slightly, a smile on your face that he didn’t match right away. He seemed like he was thinking about something you didn’t quite understand and your lip curved down a bit.

He was suddenly standing up and you paused in your slow chopping, setting the knife down and watching him as he rounded back around the island until he was standing beside you. You turned your body so you could actually face him and weren’t just showing him your shoulder, looking up at him and raising your eyebrows in confusion about what he needed on the side of the kitchen.

He didn’t say anything at first but your eyes widened a touch when he was taking a step closer to you, your back hitting the counter and your faces almost capable of touching if he ducked his head down to your height.

“What.. what are you..” You were trailing off into a small nervous laugh, your hands coming up to grip the counter behind you tightly.

“So you’ll find me at the party then?” He was asking before you could finish and his voice was a lot lower than you’d ever heard it, more used to high pitched laughter and boyish voice cracks over the lower rasp he was speaking in now. He was still suffocating close to you as he spoke and you imagined this would look pretty damning if someone were to walk in right now.

You were too stunned to respond to him right, mouth opening and closing for a few beats before he was reaching behind you to grab another carrot. You watched him as he popped it into his mouth, smirking at you slightly before taking a few steps backwards.

“See you then.” He was casually announcing like he hadn’t just practically been pushed up against you and you could do nothing but stare in bewilderment as he turned out of the kitchen and headed upstairs to your brothers room.

Your shoulders dropped in relief once he was out of sight , letting out a heavy breath and relaxing your white knuckled grip on the counter. You abandoned the carrots and raced up to your bedroom, trying your hardest to not think about the way your stomach had flipped with butterflies because of your little brothers friend.

——

“Wait a minute… like little Lee Heeseung? The kid who followed you around five summers in a row?” Your friends voice was crackling over your phone a few hours later and you groaned into the device.

“I know I know, but that’s exactly the problem. He’s not little anymore.” You stressed the words to try and get her to understand where you were coming from, embarrassed at the fact you had even admitted what had happened in the kitchen, whatever that was exactly.

“Yeah but dude you can’t get turned on by your brothers friend. It’s like gotta be totally immoral.” She was scolding you but you could hear the laughter in her voice as she shuffled with something on the other side of the phone. “Besides, he’s always been hot. You just never paid any attention to him.”

You groaned at his words and flopped over in your bed, laying on your stomach and stuffing your face into the pillow. You wished she didn’t word things so directly, suddenly feeling extremely wrong for the way Heeseung had made you feel. The second part of her sentence, for some reason, bothered you even more.

You had paid attention to Heeseung, you paid attention to all of your brothers friends. You considered the fact he had seemingly insinuated something similar in the kitchen earlier and you wondered if there was something you were missing, possibly forgetting a time you had directly dismissed the boy outside of playfully rejecting his faux flirting.

“Please don’t say it like that Yunjin, it makes me sound like a cougar or something.” You were practically whispering into the phone, extra paranoid about somebody overhearing considering all the boys were passing back and forth to help set up for the party.

“You are a bit of a cougar.” She was laughing into the phone but amidst your continuous groans and complaints she calmed herself down. “Isn’t he like 19 or something? That’s totally fine.”

“He’s 20.” You mumbled back, feeling even weirder that you were having to do the math to ensure what you were feeling suddenly was safe. It made your stomach turn to think about him in that way but every time your mind drifted back to the way he peered down at you in the kitchen, the feeling crept up again. “I’ve literally never even slightly considered this before, what am I supposed to do?”

“Well isn’t it obvious?” She was retorting in a dumbfounded voice, chewing on something loudly through the speaker and you winced in preparation. “Fuck him.”

You frowned as she said exactly what you were expecting her to, quickly telling her you were done with the conversation and hanging up as she laughed and asked you to call back later with updates.

You’d never in your life thought you would think about fucking Lee Heeseung. Actually, you’d never in your life even considered him in the regard of somebody who was capable of having sex with anybody or anything. He’d never once dipped a toe into your late night fantasies, never made you blush from skin to skin contact and he definitely never made you feel the way you did a few hours ago.

The knocking on your door took you out of your thoughts will a jump, so insecure about your inner monologue that you almost felt like whoever looked at you would be able to tell what you were thinking about.

Your mother was coming to tell you that guest had started to arrive and you quickly got dressed in a party suitable outfit, taking deep breaths in the mirror before putting on a sociable smile and joining in on the festivities that were centered around you.

It felt a little uncomfortable to be holding so many conversations with people you recognized but hadn’t seen in years, most the adults looking exactly the same but you couldn’t help the shock you felt when you realized their kids were speaking actual sentences now.

You somehow managed to go the first hour avoiding the sensitive topic of why you had come home in the first place and you had half the mind to assume your mom had asked people not to talk about it, both grateful for her care towards your feelings and humiliated that everyone was potentially avoiding the elephant in the room.

You didn’t spend too much time thinking about it considering you were avoiding your own elephant, a particularly well dressed one stood over by the drink table sipping, what you assumed, was your fathers fruit punch mix.

“Y/N, sweetheart. Do you mind refilling Ms. Jung’s cup for her? It’s such a hassle to get her walker out in the grass every time.” You stared at your mother in horror as she softly assigned you the task, knowing there was absolutely no way you could deny filling up your elderly neighbors empty cup.

You gave both women a tight smile, immediately loosing it and wincing when you were turning around and having to make your way over to the table that Heeseung was still standing at. He wasn’t looking in your direction yet thankfully and you reminded yourself that nothing had even happened, maybe you were reading too far into him just being comfortable enough to lean over you.

The table was halfway hidden behind the corner of the outside deck, neatly tucked into the back of the yard so it was visible but not in the way of guest who were mingling and having fun.

You’d barely taken a few steps before Heeseung was noticing you approaching, shifting in his stance and taking a sip of his cup as he watched you get closer and closer. You hoped your nerves weren’t evident on your face, already feeling ashamed of the way you accidentally scanned up and down his frame a few times as you got closer to him.

“Are you avoiding me?” He was asking before you’d barely even reached the table, startling you at his bluntness and your eyes widened a bit before you were shaking your head and reaching to grab the ladle from the punch bowl.

“Why would I be avoiding you?” You scoffed softly, trying to remember what you’d typically reply to him in this situation when you weren’t so thrown off by your crazy inner thoughts that had arrived.

“You tell me.” His voice was closer now and you turned your head to look at him, sucking in a small breath at the fact he was stood right next to your side and facing you now. You set the cup down on the table so you could look at him, finding it disrespectful to let people speak towards your shoulder.

Your eyes dropped down his frame again, taking in his outfit and then flicking back up just in time to see him cock an eyebrow at your staring. The two of you must have looked like you were intense conversation despite not saying anything for a few beats, standing too close to be casual. Not to mention the look in his eyes that made you look back down towards your hands after a few seconds of holding eye contact.

“I wouldn’t be avoiding you Heeseung.” You were shaking your head and fidgeting with your hands that were clasped together in front of you.

You weren’t technically lying, you hadn’t been actively going out of your way to not interact with him but you had also made no attempt to be near his side of the backyard.

He was nodding slowly down at you but you didn’t think he looked convinced. You would’ve been more worried about it and the fact you potentially hurt his feelings if it wasn’t for the fact he was suddenly taking more steps towards you. You instinctively moved backwards as he approached, not realizing how far until your back was colliding with the side of the house and you noted you were completely out of view from the rest of the guest now unless they approached the table directly.

“What are you doing?” You were asking him in a low whisper, staring up at him in surprise and flushing slightly at the way he was still just watching you, almost with a sense of amusement.

“Nothing. Just talking to you.” He was retorting casually but his hand was reaching up to push your hair behind your ear, falling down to rest on your side afterwards and you sucked in a breath at the feeling of him touching you.

You’d had contact with him hundreds of times before, stuck sitting on his knee during packed car rides or being smushed together on a couch during group movie night. You never thought for more than a second about it, slapping his arm when he would look at you and raise his eyebrows suggestively but other than that it was never something that lingered in your mind.

You knew immediately that this wouldn’t be the case for the way he was touching you now.

His hand was large and almost completely expanding the surface of your side, his fingers drumming along your hipbone for a second before remaining still like he was waiting to see if you were going to push him away. You thought about it, your instinct telling you to get him away from you due to your weakening self control and apparent moral ambiguity but your mind couldn’t help but to recall what Yunjin had said a few hours ago.

“We can’t do this.” You were telling him despite your uncertainty but your voice wasn’t stern in any sense and you let your hand come up to rest against his arm again to really drive forward your lack of meaning.

“Do what?” He was turning his head slightly like he was confused but there was a small smirk on his lips and he ducked his head down closer to yours, pulling your hips off the house so you were closer to him. “What are we doing Y/N?”

He was definitely teasing you now and you felt slightly breathless at how intimidating he suddenly seemed, feeling like you’d entered another dimension in which you were somehow getting goosebumps from the way Lee Heeseung held onto you.

You wondered if he found this as weird as you did or if he had changed so much to the point where he wasn’t thinking too much about toeing the line with his best friends sister. The boy you knew wasn’t big with girls, you never heard him talk about them with the others or brag about any interactions he had with the opposite gender.

He was especially silent on the topic whenever you were in the room, listening in from the kitchen despite the bored expression on your face. You’d catch sight of him sending you nervous glances as they asked him who he had a crush on at school and you’d smile at him before going upstairs and casually telling your friends about your brothers weird friend and his crush on you.

You didn’t know this Heeseung as well and that was clear to you by the way you could feel his breath fanning your face and your vision being completely blocked by his large frame keeping you pinned against the house.

Maybe this new version of him didn’t care about your history or how much conflict would arise if somebody were to suddenly want to quench their thirst right now and catch the two of you in such a compromising position. Maybe he put no meaning behind teasing you like this and he simply was just bored and looking to flirt with the nearest girl around his age.

“Why are you doing this?” You decided it couldn’t hurt to just directly ask him, although you weren’t sure how true that was considering you felt his hand immediately tense.

“Maybe I just missed you.” He was answering smoothly despite clearly being thrown off and you could feel his thumb swiping up and down against your dress, frowning slightly at the small shrug he gave you.

“You missed me?” You whispered back, keeping your tone light and almost teasing to try and revert him back to being comfortable around you again. He didn’t say anything but he watched you intently as you spoke. “You could’ve called.”

“Would you have answered?” His responses were quick like he’d been practicing again and you lost the soft smile that had been building up at the feeling of his touch.

“Why do you keep saying things like that?” You poured out at him in confusion, not understanding the multiple accusations like you had; at some point, upset him or made him feel ignored.

He didn’t say anything for a bit again and he seemed unfocused for a few seconds, you squeezed his arm softly to try and bring his focus back on to you and when he looked down at you again, you almost thought you were looking at him from five years ago.

You didn’t rush him to answer you but you felt slightly sick at the lack of understanding you currently seemed to have, also still stuck on the fact he had directly said he missed you. You had missed being around your family and you missed seeing all the boys together causing mayhem, missed the long summer nights and weekends up at the lake.

You weren’t sure you had specifically missed Lee Heeseung. He made you laugh a lot more than the other boys despite you never showing it to lessen his ego and you felt closer to him at times considering he was the oldest, easily understanding most of your struggles or difficulties whilst the other boys hadn’t begun to mature enough to properly empathize with you.

And sure he was cute. You felt thrown off completely by what Yunjin had said earlier about him always being attractive, definitely never considering him in that way and completely blind to the fact your friends apparently had.

“You were busy, I don’t know.” He was suddenly saying and taking you out of your consideration, vaguely answering your question. “I was just some stupid kid.”

His words seemed heavy and like they carried more meaning than just being the reason he didn’t pick up a phone and call you while you were away. You thought for a second so you could approach the sensitive subject carefully.

“That’s not why.” You were shaking your head and he watched you in anticipation, his hand instinctively pulling you forward again and you let yourself be tugged up against him. “You were Jungwon’s friend. You are Jungwon’s friend.”

You correcting yourself to remind him that it was still true made his eyes darken slightly. You felt guilty for saying it considering he had clearly thought his age was the issue and potentially decided that things would be different now but you crushed that hope by admitting that the thing that kept your relationship distant was not something he could change.

Despite feeling like he was hinting at something, you were still clueless to his intent and were speaking in a general sense, why you hadn’t considered him a friend or ever expected a phone call.

“So you don’t see me as a kid?” He was latching on to the good part of what you had said and you saw that confidence return slightly, your back pressing against the wall again but this time flush against his front.

“I did but…” You trailed off when your breath caught in your throat at the feeling of his hands sliding off your hip and instead landing on your lower back.

You felt the same wave of arousal you had in the kitchen when he leaned over you, staring up at him with wide eyes and slightly parted lips as you waited to see what he was going to do. Every time you focused in on who exactly it was touching you, you felt a bit dizzy but you couldn’t deny what you were feeling when he shifting his hips over yours and ducking his head closer to your neck.

“Heeseung.” You squeaked out in warning and you felt him pull you tighter at the sound of your voice saying his name, your tone breathy as he slotted his knee so it was resting between your legs.

He was barely touching you, not a single inch of skin touching skin and his leg just hovering between yours but you felt like your stomach was on fire and you were overwhelmed with desire for him suddenly, something you couldn’t remember feeling for anybody in recent years.

“Tell me to stop and I will.” He was whispering back to you and his lips were hovering over yours, brushing against them occasionally as he spoke and his eyes were dark enough to make a shiver run through your body.

You were parting your lips to answer him, to deny him stopping and ask him to keep doing whatever he wanted as long as he was still touching you but you quickly froze up when you heard the sound of Jake’s voice getting closer, loudly announcing his need for your dad’s famous punch.

Heeseung didn’t need to be told to remove himself from you, immediately taking two big steps back and you suddenly felt extremely cold and empty now that you were left stood against the house alone, dress slightly ridden up from his hands gripping onto your frame and breathing uneven. You steadied yourself and flushed with a deep embarrassment as the older boy casually turned to his friend who had approached the table and struck up a conversation.

He spared you a glance as he spoke to Jake and you realized he was giving you the opportunity to slip away undetected, immediately taking the chance and circling back around to the party.

You quickly approached your mom and told her you weren’t feeling good and you needed to go lay down, ignoring her questions about where your neighbors punch had gone and what had took you so long. You quickly greeted some guest as you walked swiftly through the yard, heading back inside and going to hide in your room until everybody , including Heeseung, had left.

——

You stayed in bed for the entirety of the next day, ignoring Jungwon’s soft knocks as he asked you to come down for breakfast or accompany him and his friends whilst they went out later on in the afternoon.

You felt guilty at your lack of responses, your door locked and hiding underneath your covers as your head spun with the memory of what had happened. You were totally embarrassed that you’d almost been caught with Heeseung, not even capable of imagining how hurt your brother might feel if you were found with one of his closest friends in such a way.

The two of you had never talked about it before because he knew you’d never considered any of them in that way, he’d roll his eyes and groan at Heeseung’s attempts of flirting with you but he seemed to know better than to take it seriously.

It still wasn’t a line you ever wanted to cross, not finding it worth the chance of upsetting him and damaging your close relationship.

You felt terrible that you were considering it now, contemplating if it was worth listening to your bodies wants and the way your stomach turned every time Heeseung entered a room you were in. So you had decided today you wouldn’t give the situation any more opportunity to grow, you definitely couldn’t stand being in a car with him or out in public like things were casual, like anything that had happened was normal.

It was a few hours after they’d left to their plans that you were getting a text from your brother letting you know that they had all decided to come back to your house to spend the night, not finding any reason to all go to their separate homes considering they’d just be together again tomorrow.

You knew he was only letting you know so you didn’t accidentally step on Sunoo asleep on the living room floor or get spooked by Riki heading to the bathroom at 3am but you couldn’t help but take it as the universe giving you some warning that Heeseung was going to be back in the house.

You sent him a quick text letting him know you didn’t mind and thanking him for the heads up before you were laying the device back down on your chest, staring up at your ceiling and eventually hearing the sounds of the boys all entering the house with loud laughs and heavy footsteps as they changed into their sleep clothes and made makeshift blanket beds on the floor between the couches.

It was vibrating against your chest after about half an hour of zoning out in contemplation and you ignored it for a few minutes before realizing it could potentially be Jungwon needing something, already feeling guilty enough about ignoring him in real life and not wanting to add to your misery by doing it virtually too.

Lee Heeseung : Are you awake?

You froze up at the notification on your phone, closing down the screen immediately and sitting up in bed with a jump. You took a few breaths and waited a moment before you were turning on the screen again to confirm what you had read.

Hesitantly, you swiped open the screen and watched it unlock onto you and Heeseung’s text conversation. You could see the one above, him having wished you a happy birthday two years ago and you replying back with a small photo of a cute dog saying thank you. He had hearted your message but never actually replied to the dry response from you and your heart twisted uncomfortably as your fingers hovered over the keyboard.

Y/N : yeah why

Y/N : are you okay?

You hesitantly sent the second message before flipping your phone back around nervously and waiting to feel it vibrate again.

Lee Heeseung : Can you let me in?

You froze for a second in confusion, not fully understanding what he was talking about until your eyes were slowly trailing up towards your lock door. You could feel your heart racing as you slowly stood to go and open it, mouth parting softly when it revealed him standing in the hallway.

His hair was messy and damp like he’d just washed it, wearing a black tshirt and sweatpants for sleeping in. You weren’t sure if the other boys were already sleeping or if he was just acting on impulse and not thinking before coming to your bedroom. You had a feeling it might’ve been the latter considering the smell of alcohol coming from him as he shuffled past you into your bedroom.

You watched him flop down onto your bed, his face pressed into your pillow as he laid on his stomach. You sighed softly but followed behind him, opting to sit on the edge of your bed beside him instead of crawling back underneath the covers and putting yourself in a dangerous position. “You’re drunk?”

“No.” He was rolling over flat onto his back with a low groan and turning his head once he completely rolled, looking at you with low hazy eyes. “Just had a few drinks.”

This sentence felt weird to hear come out of his mouth, still underaged now technically but he’d been young enough when you left that he didn’t even consider drinking. You gave him a disbelieving stare but you could tell he was being honest, only slightly slurring his words and his eyes were sharp and focused as he stared at you.

“God.” He was suddenly letting out in a breathy voice and you raised an eyebrow in question. “If you told me from five years ago that’d I’d be in your bedroom… he would’ve punched me in the face.”

You laughed softly at his abrupt confession, shifting on the bed so you were sat fully on it and leaning against your headboard. You were thinking something similar, the image of both of you side by side in your pajamas would’ve most likely caused 18 year old you to scream bloody murder and kick him out of your bedroom.

“Don’t exaggerate.” You told him softly with a smile, he laughed a bit and then was shaking his head against your bed.

“I’m serious, you have no idea how many times I..” He was suddenly trailing off and freezing like he had said too much, your own smile slowly slipping off in confusion as you watched

him glance over at you. Your eyes habitually shot down to his shirt for a second, taking deep breaths that caused his broad chest to rise and fall.

When you looked back up at him, his eyes had darkened more and you held your breath as his hand slowly moved closer to where you were sitting. You didn’t say anything when you felt his knuckles grazing over your bare thigh, wearing shorts to bed typically and suddenly being grateful you had.

It was the first time he had directly touched you with no layers in between and if you weren’t already set on risking everything to feel him touch you again, now it was increased tenfold at the feeling of his warm skin against yours. He was flipping his hand over so the entirety of his palm was resting on the middle of your thigh but he didn’t move it again, just testing the water.

“How many times you what?” You whispered to him, even though something told you that you already knew the answer. You still wanted to hear him say it and your patience grew thin as he did nothing but watch you with low hazy eyes. “Heeseung.”

“I’ve probably had too much to drink.” He was laughing softly and closing his eyes but you could tell he was just trying to distract you from what he had almost said, clearly embarrassed at his loose tongue and laughing out of nerves.

You don’t know why you didn’t drop the subject, why you didn’t just nod your head and ask him something safe like how their night out was. You were totally bewildered by yourself when your hand was reaching down to cover his, sliding it up your thigh a touch until his thumb was hitting the bottom of your small shorts. His eyes shot up to yours and widened a bit before looking back down towards your lower half.

“I won’t make fun of you.” You were trying to reassure him but your voice had a similar nervous shake to it, especially at the feeling of his hand tensing. “I just.. want to hear you say it.”

“Used to jerk off to you all the time.” He was saying it in one breath and you tensed up at his sudden words. He wasn’t trying to sound sexy or tease you, simply fulfilling your request with urgency as soon as he noticed you didn’t mind what he was implying. “Almost every time I saw you.”

You’d frozen up for a few second at the vulgarity of the statement before you felt the familiar rush of arousal running through you, accelerated by the way he was mindlessly kneading your thigh as he watched you to see your reaction to his confession.

It was hard for you to imagine, obviously understanding boy hormones paired with the fact he had clearly had some form of interest in you back then but you had no idea it went as far as it did. You were completely clueless to the fact that he was genuinely fantasizing over you, touching himself once he got home and thinking about doing god knows what whilst he did it.

The thought should’ve made you uncomfortable, knowing now that he spent all those years thinking about you sexually so often but instead you couldn’t help but shift slightly on the bed so your leg was pressing against his shoulder, lifting your other knee and bending it so his hand could sink between your legs if he wanted to.

“What would you think about?” You were asking him suddenly and he sucked in a breath. Your eyes were wide with curiosity and it almost could’ve passed as innocent if it wasn’t for your hand covering his, keeping his touch on you.

“Fuck… just anything.” He was admitting and he let out another laugh but this one was more so directed towards himself and his past. “Just the thought of you most of the time, didn’t even need to be doing anything.”

“What about the other times?” Your breath was hitching when his thumb was shifting forward again and accidentally swiping underneath your shorts, something so small feeling magnified by the heavy tension in the room.

“Just wanted to touch you I think.” His eyes were fluttering close like he was lost in thought and you watched the side of his face intensely. “Sometimes I’d think about you teaching me shit, showing me how to do stuff that would make you feel good.”

His answer, although clearly filthy and way past the line you’d silently established, was strangely sweeter than you’d expected it to be. You were prepared to hear him admit how much he wanted to fuck you, prove to you what a man he was all along. Instead he had imagined just being able to feel you, to learn what you liked and what made you feel pleasure.

“But you know stuff now don’t you?” Your voice was soft but he definitely caught it, his eyes flickering open and looking at you with something heavy.

“Yeah.” He was breathing out. “I do.”

He was starting to sit up after saying that but you hurriedly put your hand on his chest to stop him, instead laying down as much as he was so you were laying against his side while he was still flat on his back with his head propped up on your pillows. You were practically curled into his side now, keeping one of your hands on his chest and using the other to rest under your head as you looked at him.

You weren’t sure how much experience Heeseung had although he had just alluded to doing something before, you toyed with the idea that he could be lying to try and impress you but one of your favorite things about him was his blunt honesty whenever you directly asked him a question.

“Can you show me?” You heart was racing as you voiced your request, his eyebrows furrowing with confusion before your hand started to slide down his chest and stomach, stopping at the waistband of his sweatpants.

His breath hitched again at the implication but he was quickly nodding and shifting slightly so he could pull them down, wasting no time in case you started to come to your senses and change your mind or ask him to leave you bedroom. You’d seen Heeseung in his underwear before, or swim trunks bordering on the same amount of exposed skin, but it was a noticeably different setting now.

His legs were thick with muscle now and more importantly, he was clearly already hard underneath the fabric despite the fact you’d barely touched each other. Whatever he was thinking about with his eyes closed seemed to have done the trick and you kept your eyes glued on his lower half before glancing at him again to see what he was waiting for.

“How is this happening right now?” He was muttering under his breath to himself and you didn’t reply, mouth parting in a small gasp when he moved his hand to cup his bulge through the thin fabric.

You watched with slightly widened eyes as he rubbed himself, letting out small groans and sucking in tight breaths and he tried to keep himself calm under your intense gaze. You could feel him continuously looking at your face but you didn’t take your eyes off of where his hand was.

His stomach tightened when you were moving yours up off where it was resting on the bed between you, pushing his shirt up slightly so it wasn’t in the way of his movements and also so you could watch the way the muscles contracted with every touch. He had goosebumps on his arm from the way your fingers slowly trailed up his stomach, eventually laying flat over his belly button and feeling the way he took deep breaths the more overwhelmed he got.

“Is this how you’d do it?” You were suddenly asking him, increasingly curious about his habits and he shook his head softly with another grunt. “Did you ever do it here?”

“Fuck.” He was forcing out as he laughed again softly in disbelief, you finally looked at his face and he was watching you intensely with a flush on his cheeks. “Y-your birthday.. the pool party after you hugged me goodbye in that pink swimsuit.”

“You remember my swimsuit?” The surprise slipped into your voice and he gave you a heavy look, like it was something obvious that he would remember something so small and specific about you.

Your stomach felt like it was on fire at the thought of him not even being able to make it home after you’d pressed yourself up against him absentmindedly, needing to resort to relieving himself quickly in your bathroom just because you’d been showing some skin.

Your hand was pushing up his shirt more again, rubbing up and down his stomach and your eyes flickered down again just in time to see him pushing his hand underneath the waistband of his underwear and letting out a big breath as he finally touched himself without anything in the way.

He didn’t say anything for a few seconds and you wondered if he was trying to calm himself down to make this last longer, testing the theory by shifting your leg so it was over his right one and resting near where his hand was currently working against himself. His free hand was coming up to instinctively grab onto your bare skin and stop you from making contact with where he was throbbing, gripping just under your knee tightly and shaking his head at you.

You smiled softly, cheeks flushing at the fact he’d clearly caught on to what you were doing but you were grateful when he didn’t remove his hand from you, instead sliding it back up to your thigh and holding it tight and still on top of him.

“I can’t believe this is real.” He was mumbling again and you snorted a laugh at his second exclamation of amazement, ducking your head down so your forehead hit his shoulder and you could feel his heart beating so fast you were almost worried when your hand slid further up his chest.

“Heeseung.” Your voice automatically made his focus snap back on you and he eagerly nodded to show he was listening. “I want to see you.”

He paused for a second before nodding again and hurrying to fulfill your request, shifting his lower half so he could move his boxers farther down on his thighs and give you a clearer view of the way he was touching himself, you laid your head on his shoulder and turned it sideways so you could watch him, stroking himself slowly to full hardness while trying not to overwhelm himself.

Definitely not for the first time, you found yourself thinking about how pretty he was. He’d always been a pretty boy to you, even back when you were younger but you were realizing now that almost every single part of him was apparently perfectly crafted and beautiful, another wave of arousal ripping through you as you watched him twist his hand around his impressive length and buck his hips softly in pleasure.

“Sometimes you’d.. fuck.” He was trailing off into a moan and you picked your head up off his shoulder to look at his face and raise an eyebrow. “Sometimes when you’d sit on my lap during road trips.. god I was so worried you’d feel how hard I’d get just from being that close to you.”

“You should’ve said something.” You were telling him with a small frown but you both knew how that would have turned out, absolutely no chance of you returning his desires or even allowing him to say such things to you without upset.

He still seemed to appreciate even being able to humor the idea that you would have let him touch you back then, his hips twitching under your leg and you softly rubbed his stomach after laying your head back down near his collarbone. You could tell that Heeseung was close and clearly trying to drag it out for some unknown reason, not working himself as fast as he wanted to and holding his breath tight every few minutes.

You tried to calm down the flush in your face when you were turning your head to kiss alongside his jaw gently, listening to the inhale he took and the way his arm tensed from where it was pressed against you.

Your lips slowly trailing across his face and down to his neck seemed to officially push him over the edge, no longer able to delay his orgasm that was rushing through him and causing him to let out groans far too loud for your quiet house. Your hand was leaving his stomach to gently cover his mouth, pulling off his neck with a wet smack to look down again and watch as his stomach twitched under the cum now decorating it.

The silence afterwards was overwhelming, listening to him take deep breaths and calm himself down while your heart was beating so fast you almost feared he could hear it.

An awkwardness settled into your skin and you weren’t sure if it was just you or if he felt it too, the realization of what you’d just done hitting you. This wasn’t just some random hookup, not some guy you wouldn’t have to see after this. This wasn’t something casual or without consequences, you had fully crossed a line that you couldn’t backtrack over with somebody you’d spent most of the second half of your life knowing.

“Are you okay?” His soft voice was a direct reminder of that and your eyes shot up to his face, feeling a sick guilt at the nerves settling into his face now that the spell of lust had died back down.

“Yeah I just…” You sat up more and cleared your throat awkwardly, looking away from him and after a few seconds you were standing to go and get him a rag from your bathroom. “I think you should probably head to bed.”

His mouth parted in surprise and you saw a flicker of hurt pass through his face as you extended the rag to him, feeling his fingers graze against yours as he took it and cleaned himself up with a sudden blush creeping up his neck.

You felt more and more guilt eating away at you as he dressed himself properly again with that look on his face but you couldn’t take seeing him in your bed for another second, the reality of what you had done fully settling in now and leaving you with a sick feeling in your stomach.

Heeseung was standing in the hallway after you’d walked him to the door awkwardly, still just stood in place and staring at you and you softly closed the door on him after wishing him a mumbled goodnight. You knew you should’ve reassured him that it was okay and that he didn’t do anything wrong but that felt like a lie to you right now anyways and you didn’t think it was fair to confuse him by telling him you didn’t mind it.

The guilt remained even after you heard him softly going down the stairs, curling back into your bed and finding that your blankets smelt like him now.

——

The next morning came quickly and you immediately knew you wouldn’t be able to repeat your hermit behavior from yesterday, being woken up by your moms fist slamming on your door and strictly reminding you that you were all meant to go up to the lake house for the weekend.

You groaned softly into your pillow but you knew there was no use in complaining, dragging yourself out of bed despite the fact you’d barely slept more than a few hours after Heeseung had left.

You took the longest to get ready, slipping on a bathing suit underneath a dress and packing a small one strap bag with the essentials. You were criss crossing it over your chest and racing down the steps, hurriedly apologizing to your mother as you passed her glaring at you in the doorway.

When you got outside, your footsteps slowed to a stop as you watched all the boys and you dad loading up the van, frowning slightly as your body quickly reminded your brain about what had happened. Jungwon gave you a small smile and greeting and you could see Heeseung following his line of sight and perking up at the sight of you, hoping he didn’t notice how you quickly looked away.

You all piled into the van and luckily your parents knew you far too old to be stuck on somebody’s lap the entire ride, still being stuck pressed tightly between Heeseung and Jay in the back row.

You were grateful for the boy on your right considering he immediately popped in his headphones and pulled his sleep mask over his eyes, not able to say the same about your other seat partner considering he was staring at you intently the second you sat down and making you squirm in your seat.

Your phone was vibrating in your lap and you glanced down at it, picking it up and turning down your music so you could focus on reading the text.

Lee Heeseung : Why are you avoiding me?

He was shifting beside you, obviously embarrassed you were reading his text and you looked over at him quickly before flushing and going back to stare at the message on your screen. Your fingers hovered for a few seconds as you tried to think of a response, knowing you couldn’t just ignore him and sit in awkward silence for the next two hours.

Y/N : im not.. we can talk once we get up there

You sent the text and shut your screen off quickly, watching the side of his face as he turned on his own device to read it. He nodded softly at you after he had and your heart clenched at the hesitation in his eyes.

He took the hint and didn’t try to talk to you again for the rest of the ride, making you feel weirdly disappointed despite him just following your instructions. You felt confused by your own actions so you couldn’t imagine what he was thinking, your body and mind finding comfort just from the feeling of his leg pressed against yours but at the same time you felt regretful about what you’d done.

You felt even worse when your brother was glancing back in his seat to smile at you with excitement, giving you an encouraging thumbs up and you forced a smile back at him.

You turned the music in your headphones back up to full volume and tilted your head sideways so it could land on Jay’s shoulder, closing your eyes and trying not to think about the hole you’ve dug yourself.

——

Heeseung and you didn’t get a chance to talk until later on in the day, all the kids being tasked with unpacking bags and making adjustments to the lake house that hadn’t been used since last summer.

Jake and you were sat in the living room, calmly discussing sleeping arrangements and who would have to stay back and help with dinner cleanup rather than go and swim with the rest of the group. You were sat criss crossed on the couch and he was directly beside you, gently shoving your knee as he laughed at an off handed comment you’d made.

“Y/N.” Your head snapped up at the sound of a new voice in the doorway and you and Jake both stared in confusion when you took in the sharp glare Heeseung was sending in your directions. “Can I talk to you? Outside.”

He said the last word pointedly and you frowned at the look he sent his friend, glancing at Jake before standing up off the couch and ruffling his hair affectionately. He seemed to take the hint that you were leaving and awkwardly nodded in understanding.

Heeseung was already turning to leave before you even managed to get close to him and you followed behind him as he passed through the house, exiting out of the slider doors onto the overhanging deck that showcased the lake view. You pulled your sleeves over your hands, feeling the windy chill of the water now that the sun was starting to set but a shiver was running through you for other reasons when the boy turned to send you a hurt look.

“Why are you only ignoring me?” He was spitting out and your eyebrows furrowed in confusion at how upset he sounded. “What, you’ve seen my dick and now you can’t even talk to me?”

Your mouth was parting in a gasp and you approached him swiftly, covering his mouth with your hand and glancing around at all the open windows and terrain to make sure nobody had heard his outburst of confession.

“What are you talking about Hee? I said we could discuss it later.” You were whispering yelling back to him and his eyes softened at the nickname before he was wrapping his hand around your wrist and removing the cover over his mouth.

“You couldn’t put any urgency behind that?” He sounded less angry now and more hurt, staring down at you with a muddied expression and you felt the guilt settle back in full force. “Especially after kicking me out like that last night, I’ve been going crazy.”

You sighed but didn’t say anything for a few seconds, letting the crashing waves fill up the silence as your heart started to beat faster. You weren’t sure which direction you should go, probably easier to lie to him and tell him you’d made a mistake and it wasn’t going to happen again. That seemed favorable over having to explain that you kicked him out because you couldn’t stop thinking about him as much as you were already.

“I know I said some crazy things.” He was moving his hand off your wrist to hold onto your palm gently, holding it at the same level of his chest and looking into your eyes with a hint of desperation in his. “If I made you uncomfortable, I’m sorry. I’d never ever want to do that to you.”

“You didn’t.” You were shaking your head and quick to reassure him, not wanting him to fall into that mindset. “It’s just.. we can’t do this Heeseung. It’s not right and you know we can’t.”

“Why?” He was saying it in bewilderment, really emphasizing the word like he truly didn’t understand what was so wrong about you messing around together.

“Look Hee, I get that it’s hard but it’s not that big of a deal. You’re going to go off to college and find a girl your age that, preferably isn’t your best friends sister.” You were sighing and giving him a sad smile as you spoke, trying to lighten the situation and calm him down. “It’s not like you’re inlove with me or anything.”

He froze up at the words and didn’t say anything, just staring down at you with a strange expression that took you a few seconds to decipher. Your mouth parted with realization and you quickly dropped your hand from his, taking a small step back and covering your lips with your fingers.

He winced at your reaction and looked away from you so you couldn’t see the way his eyes shook, body tight and rigid where he stood in front of you. Neither of you needed to say anything for you to understand the situation.

“Listen Y/N.” He was starting to try and explain but you raised your hand to silence him, shaking it slightly to really indicate that you couldn’t handle hearing him speak right now.

“Since when?” You were asking quickly, voice stern and forceful as your mind kept replaying the past few years and any possible sign you’d missed from the boy. Your stomach turned at the fact he wasn’t just making passes out you to have some fun, it didn’t mean nothing to him what had happened last night and you’d probably deeply hurt him when you kicked him out afterwards.

“Since forever.” He was saying it in a weak tone and his nose scrunched up like he knew the words would put the final nail in the coffin, confirming that he’s always had feelings for you.

“Fuck.” You were breathing out and taking another step away from him, shaking your head and feeling tears well up in your eyes as you looked at him.

He didn’t say anything else after that, knowing there was nothing he could say that could convince you this situation was alright. You wanted to tell him that you weren’t upset with him, that he didn’t do anything wrong by feeling this way or telling you, but your words completely failed you as shock took over your body.

You felt sick over kicking him out without any care last night, even worse about how much you rejected him in high school and the realization that he most likely never had a girlfriend because he was so enamored with you all these years. You thought about the boys you’d brought home, never thinking twice about the way his jaw clenched as he left the room whenever somebody would stay for dinner.

Then you thought about the last time you remember seeing him, the nervous look in his eye as he handed you the bouquet full of your favorite flowers and the way he’d gotten caught off as he tried to explain why he’d gotten them.

“The babys breath.” You were finally saying after a bit of tense silence, looking up at him and finding him already watching you with a dejected look. You didn’t need to explain what you were implying for him to understand, nodding his head softly.

“Everlasting love.” He was answering in a weak voice and he gave you a sad smile, eyes watering as he turned his head again to look out towards the water.

You weren’t sure what to say to him after that, just watching the side of his face and feeling your heart shatter for all the time he spent struggling with this. You couldn’t lie and tell him you understood how he felt and it wasn’t fair to yourself to feel guilty when you didn’t know but you cared about him deeply and you didn’t want him to be in pain.

He was tensing him when you stepped closer, resting your hand gently on his arm to warn him of your approach before you were pulling him in for a hug.

His chest lifted with a heavy inhale of relief at the feeling of you wrapping your arms around him, rubbing his back softly and letting him duck his head down into your neck. You found yourself not caring about the possibility of somebody walking out and seeing you in such an intimate position, only focusing on making him feel better and helping him understand the affection you carried for him.

You stayed like that for a while, just feeling his chest rise against yours and his soft breath on your neck. Then you were pulling back to get a better look at him and his expression, trying to read what he was feeling.

You’d planned to say something of comfort, to voice actual reassurance but you had no opportunity to do so considering he was leaning forward the second your lips began to part.

Kissing Heeseung was never something you’d thought about, even after the past few days it hadn’t been your number one focus but you suddenly felt very stupid for taking the action for granted. You’d kissed lots of people before, boyfriends or blind dates but nobody had ever felt as perfect as he did.

His hands were coming up to cup your face, gentle in the way he was touching you but pushing into the kiss with a raging desperation that made your heart clench again. You returned it the best you could, not able to match up with his years of longing but just as intoxicated by the feeling of him against you.

Heeseung kept pulling you deeper and deeper in, holding onto you like he was terrified of you pulling away and telling him it was a mistake again, that he was something you weren’t able to do. You squeezed your arms that were still around his back to try and silently reassure him that you weren’t going anywhere and he pulled back to place his forehead against yours, staring into your eyes with tears still in his.

You felt your heart shatter again at the look on his face, then even more so at the realization that you just wanted to keep kissing him.

“Just give me a chance.” He was whispering out and his lip grazed yours as he spoke the words.

You frowned softly and looked at him, standing on your tip toes for a second to press another kiss against his lips and bringing a hand up to gently push the hair out of his face. He watched you as you did this but you could tell he wasn’t fully letting himself be vulnerable until you confirmed that you would give this an actual attempt.

You stared at him for a while, your mind and your heart telling you two different things and your face crumbled slightly. “We can’t.”

Your voice came out in a small whisper but he caught it immediately, expression hardening up as he took a step away from you. Your hands were reaching out to try and grab him again instinctively but he was clenching his jaw and shaking his head and he turned to leave the deck, heading back inside without another word and leaving you standing there with the taste of him still on your lips.

——

The next two days were miserable, full of him clearly avoiding you and your body longing for him to be close even for a second. You didn’t try to approach him again or complain considering he had to deal with this feeling for half of his life, wanting something this desperately that you couldn’t have was really dampening your mood for the trip and you’d barely left the lake house.

Your mother had actually convinced you to go down to the water today, sensing your sour mood and just assuming you were still feeling weird about coming home. She told you that some sun on your skin would make you feel better and you agreed with her despite the different circumstances.

Dinner had just finished and you were wearing your bathing suit in the kitchen, at the sink cleaning up the dishes from all the boys who had already raced down to the water. You’d told your parents to go ahead without out since they had cooked and been working so hard, citing that you’d follow behind after you finished cleaning up.

It was barely twenty minutes into clearing the dining room and scrubbing at the seemingly endless amount of plates when you heard somebody come back into the house.

“Mom? I’m almost done.” You were calling out, thinking she was coming back inside to check on you but you froze up when somebody else rounded the corner instead.

Heeseung didn’t come fully into the dining room, just watching you for a moment with an unreadable expression on his face. He was only wearing his swim trunks and his hair was dripping onto his shoulders. You would’ve scolded him for the small puddle forming under his feet but you knew it wasn’t your place anymore.

“Oh. Did you need something?” Your voice was awkward and you saw him tongue his cheek as you spoke, glancing away for a second before he was taking a few steps further into the room and you quickly looked down at the sink so you didn’t have to stare at him.

You expected him to just ignore you and pass through the kitchen, getting whatever it was that he needed before heading back outside to the water.

Your mouth was dropping up in a surprised gasp when he did the opposite and your entire body tensed up at the feeling of him directly behind you. He wasn’t fully touching you but you could feel the wetness of his shorts graze against your lower back and a shiver ran through you, both from the cold and his close proximity.

“What are you-“ You were cut off as your words turned into a soft whine, Heeseung completely pressing against you from behind and your stomach hit the edge of the counter uncomfortably.

You could feel his hands sliding over your waist to grab at your hips, tugging just your backside harder against him and shifting you forward until you were practically bending over the sink. You could feel the loose water from doing the dishes wetting your bikini top, nipples hardening under the cold water and you instinctively shifted your hips backwards to try and get away from the feeling.

“Heeseung.” You were gasping out in a warning but he didn’t seem to take it as one, squeezing your hips harder at the sound of your voice.

It was an overwhelming high to be touched by him again, your body lighting up with an intense fire at the feeling of his body pressed against you but the logical side of you couldn’t help but feel strange considering you hadn’t talked in two days due to your previous rejection.

“Do you want it?” His voice was low and you felt tears spring to your eyes with how badly you’d missed hearing him speak to you, squeezing them shut even though he couldn’t see your face anyways.

He was shifting his hips purposely, dragging his cock against your barely clothed bottom and you arched instinctively back into him, head dropping lower into another small whine and you were nodding your head in earnest. He didn’t react to your silent confirmation, squeezing your side almost uncomfortably until you got the memo.

“Yes yes, please. I want it so bad.” You were gasping out and he automatically rolled his hips into yours again, tugging you further into him each time he did it so you could fully feel him dragging himself against you. The cold of his shorts quickly disappeared considering you were completely on fire, throbbing in your bottoms and trying your hardest to push against his grip so you could meet him halfway in his slow movements.

“Walking around dressed like this.” His voice was pained as he spoke, low and bordering on a growl as he thrust against you with more force. “I know this is what you wanted, wanted me to come and fuck you until you couldn’t think.”

It hadn’t even your intention when you dressed in your swimsuit but you couldn’t lie and pretend you hadn’t thought about him as you put it on, not needing to deliberate between the black or pink one before you were slipping the latter on and heading downstairs.

He was relentless in the way he was fucking against you, thankful for his rough hands on your hips stopping you from slamming continuously into the counters. You were a nonstop mess of moans and whines as he kept getting harder and more rough, his cock pressing against you and making your head spin with desire for him.

Your hand was slipping off the counter and shakily going around your back, tugging at the string of fabric on your waist impatiently and his breath caught in his throat, pausing in his movements and causing a frustrated whine to slip out of you.

“Yeah?” He was genuinely asking but the tone in which he said it made your stomach flip, more wetness pushing out of you as you practically sobbed with the need to feel him. He took the hint this time and was hurriedly pulling down your bottoms, pausing once your core was completely bare and exposed. “Fuck Y/N, look at you.”

You flushed at the adoration in his voice and you were grateful he couldn’t see your face from this angle, your hips shifting uncomfortably and accidentally showcasing yourself off to his eager eyes more. He didn’t say anything else but you could still feel him staring at you, letting out a sharp cry when his hands were coming up to touch you gently. He wasn’t groping you, his fingers experimentally spreading you apart so he could see the way your hole clenched around nothing.

“So fucking pretty.” His voice was sounding again and you felt truly humiliated now, your heart racing faster with every compliment said in that genuine tone.

You decided to put an end to his gentle behavior, pushing your hips backwards so his fingers were accidentally touching you more and he was getting the memo that you wanted him to fuck against you again. You knew he wouldn’t actually fuck you, not quick and rough like this but you were grateful when he was standing up to press against you again.

“Please Hee, please.” You were whimpering out and he wasted no time building it up slow, immediately gripping your waist again and aggressively fucking himself against you. He was still wearing his thin swim trunks but you could feel it all so much better now that you were naked and he was completely hard.

His fingers were wet against your side from where he’d been touching you and you felt dizzy as his hard cock keep pressing against you, throbbing and on the verge of begging for him to just take you raw right here in the kitchen.

Your heart was racing at the thought of somebody walking in right now, the floor plan so open that all it would take is somebody needing a towel or a quick trip to the bathroom. Heeseung didn’t seem to care and you let out another cry when his hand was off your hip and tangling in your hair, tugging softly and then harder when you let out a moan of approval.

He was pulling you up by his grip so your back was pressed against his chest, wrapping his free arm around your stomach to keep you in place and he kept humping against you.

You felt embarrassed that he could see your face now, staring at your side profile and the way your mouth was open and letting out streams of moans. His big hand was sliding off your stomach to aggressively grope your chest, tugging down your bathing suit top with little effort and wasting no time before he was squeezing the mounds and tugging on your hardened nipples.

It was rough and aggressive, bordering on painful but it was everything you needed after him barely even looking at you the entire weekend. You were leaning into his brutal touches and pushing your hips back against his and he continued to fuck up into you.

You knew the scene had to be pornographic considering the way he had swiftly undressed you, not even fully taking off your top as it dangled over your stomach.

His hand was abandoning your chest to grip your jaw and you were confused for a moment as he twisted your head sideways until you realized he was trying to move your face closer together, his hooked over your shoulder and still watching your expressions this entire time.

Your eyes softened when you saw his face for the first time since he’d stepped behind you, tears of pleasure completely slipping out now despite his unreadable expression. His eyes were dropping to your lips and less than a second later he was pulling you in for a deep kiss. The kiss was a direct opposition to the way he was ramming into you, soft and gentle as he held your cheek to stop you from turning your head straight again.

You melted into his touch, completely forgetting about the addicting feeling of him pushing against you as his tongue slipped softly into your mouth and you desperately tried to take him deeper.

“You like it?” He was whispering into your mouth and you nodded immediately, trying to stretch and pull him into the kiss again but he didn’t let you and you whined softly. “Tell me you like it, tell me I make you feel good.”

“You make me feel so good.” You were crying out in stuttered gasp as he rammed into you with a few particularly hard thrust, eyes fluttering shut at the feeling of him pressed against your swollen clit and the familiar feeling in your stomach building up.

“Make you feel better than anyone else right? I know how to please you, don’t I?” He was saying it in a low steady voice but you could tell he was genuinely searching for the reassurance and not just bragging about his abilities. Your heart clenched at the reminder of your conversation and how he might be feeling right now but you nodded quickly.

“Only you Hee, only you.” You were mumbling back to him in a fucked out voice and he finally kissed you again, wet and sloppy before he was letting go of your face and sliding his hand down your stomach.

Your stomach tightened up at the feeling of his fingers against you again, paired with the stimulation of his cock rubbing into you slowly. He was rubbing your clit gently and kissing you at the same time, messier now that he wasn’t holding your face in place and you could barely keep yourself focused long enough to control all your limbs.

“Cmon baby.” He was whispering into your mouth and you let out a small sob at the overwhelming pleasure building up, completely relying on him now to hold you up. “Go ahead and cum for me sweetheart, it’s alright.”

His words were so gentle despite the roughness in which he was still handling you and the combination of that, mixed with his low voice in your ear, quickly sent you over the edge. His fingers weren’t moving off of you as you came, dipping lower between your thighs to better feel the wetness dripping out of you and you were worried you’d complete collapse from the ecstasy of him touching you like that.

He held you up like that for a few beats and let you catch your breath before he was gently lifting you up and placing you on top of the towel that was on the counter for the wet dishes.

You watched him with hooded and tired eyes as he helped tie back up your top and pull your bottoms up over your sensitive core. Pausing awkwardly when he wet a rat and gently wiped down your thighs and stared at the marks he’d left on your hips and waist.

“Hee.” You were muttering out and he automatically shook his head at the sound of you voice, giving you a hurt look that made your heart fall. He clearly didn’t want to speak about it, or even speak in general right now and you felt a bit sick at the fact he was taking such gentle care of you despite the fact you’d hurt him and didn’t give him the same attention last time you’d done something like this together.

You were freezing up suddenly when you heard somebody coming in through the side door, confused why Heeseung wasn’t moving out of the damning position he was stood in between your legs as you watched Sunghoon round into the house.

Your eyes were wide as you stared at him, preparing to explain yourself until you realized he didn’t look extremely surprised. His eyes glanced at yours like he was slightly thrown off but he just cleared his throat and awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. “They’re heading up so you might want to go somewhere else.”

He was disappearing to go change as Heeseung mumbled a small thanks, not turning to look at him and you stared down at him in bewilderment.

“You told him?” You whisper yelled and he looked at you when he heard the upset in your voice, watching you with that same unreadable expression and sighing softly.

“He’s always known.” He explained in a casual tone, like it wasn’t a big deal at all that another person knew about your weird situation. You just stared at him in shock as he continued to clean you up softly. “Guess I’m not very good at pretending to not be inlove with you.”

He looked at you after he finished saying the heavy sentence and your face softened slightly, wanting to reach out to him as he took a few steps back and folded the rag up in his hands. You knew he was implying that that was the reason he had approached you just now and your heart hurt at the fact he was still clearly going to be avoiding you.

You could hear the rest of the boys laughing as they came up the stairs and the sound of your dad complaining about their sandy feet on the deck, not bothering to get off the counter and avoid some questions as you watched Heeseung disappear back upstairs where Sunghoon had gone.

——

“But we always have a movie night on the last night.” Sunoo was kneeling on your bed at the lake house, complaining with a small pout as he tugged at the blankets you were currently hiding under. “It’s tradition.”

“I’m really not feeling good guys.” You were groaning and fighting with his grip to try and cover your head back up.

“Jungwon told us to pull out all the guilt tripping tricks.” Riki’s voice was coming from the doorway and you lowered the blanket just enough to be able to glare at him from behind it for bringing up your brother, activating your soft spot that caused you to sigh and release your hold on the fabric.

Sunoo was cheering excitedly and bouncing a little on your bed, standing off of it in a hurry to pull you up and start dragging down towards the living room. You smiled softly at his enthusiasm but it quickly fell off your face when you caught sight of the reason for your hiding.

Heeseung was sitting on the couch, pressed against the arm rest with a bored expression and a large hoodie pulled over his fluffy hair. He wasn’t looking at you but you knew he had heard you coming considering the cloudy expression he had, your own frown slipping onto your face as you looked at him.

The rest of the boys were quickly taking their seats, coming from the kitchen with snacks or the basement with extra blankets and pillows to throw across the floor. You watched them for a bit too long, not noticing until it was too late that they had taken all of the spots except for the one next to Heeseung on the couch.

He seemed to notice this too and his eyes fell on you, guilt in your expression as you looked at him for permission and a small breath of relief slipped out when he gave you a barely noticeable nod.

You were rigid as you sat beside him, trying your hardest to stay still so you didn’t accidentally collide with his legs or side but he scoffed softly before he was sitting up to grab one of the blankets off the floor. You watched him in confusion and he spread it out and placed it over both of you, shifted his body so you had no choice but to lean towards him and your heart raced at the fact you were pressed against his side.

You figured he was going to ignore you for the rest of the trip, possibly for the rest of your time back in town just to clear his head of you, so you were touched that he was still hellbent on you being comfortable even when you weren’t talking.

He glanced over at you as the movie started to play and you gave him a small smile, barely seeing him return it before the lights were flickering off.

The first half of the movie went as normal despite the fact you couldn’t seem to focus with the feeling of Heeseung breathing beside you. Jay was on your right but he’d fallen asleep almost as soon as the lights had gone out and you could hear him snoring softly from where his head was laid back against the couch.

You shifted uncomfortably after about an hour and you could feel Heeseung glancing at you in question before he leaned closer to whisper something in your ear.

“What’s wrong?” He was saying it softly and your face flushed at the proximity and the fact he was talking to you again.

“Nothing… just sore a little bit.” You mumbled back hesitantly, suddenly thinking about the rough way his hands had gripped you yesterday.

He didn’t say anything for a while and you were worried he hadn’t heard you, or even worse he had and was feeling bad about the bruises covering your skin. It wasn’t your intention to bring it up in that way and you were just about to lean forward again to tell him that when you felt his hand sliding over your stomach gently.

You sucked in a sharp breath at the feeling and you saw Sunoo glancing at you in concern, giving him a soft smile and pretending to yawn while you felt Heeseung’s hand sliding across your smooth skin.

You glanced over at him but he was just watching the movie like it was no big deal, like he wasn’t touching you underneath the covers in a room full of people, including your little brother who was laying down on his stomach on the floor in front of you. He wasn’t touching you inappropriately, just softly kneading where the bruises might be but your heart was racing anyways just from being near him.

There was no use in pretending you didn’t have feelings for him, your longing going far beyond kissing him or having him touch you. You’d missed him deeply these past few days of awkwardness, barely getting by listening to him laugh with the other boys or crack jokes with your dad.

It made you feel sick every time his smile dropped when you entered a room, wishing you could say something that would help him feel more comfortable around you that didn’t involve accepting his request at a chance to be together.

“Feel good?” His breath was fanning the side of your face as he spoke into your ear and you stiffened up a bit despite the lack of tease in his tone.

“You can’t say stuff like that.” You warned him in return and when you pulled back you saw that his eyes had darkened in realization, understanding your squirming as his eyes darted to your lips for a second.

He was watching you intently as he rubbed your skin and for a moment you thought he was going to ignore your comment, going to just keep caressing the injuries he’d caused and not address the implication of your words. Then his hand was leaving your side and slipping into your shorts and your mouth parted at the feeling of his fingers pressing against you.

He held eye contact with you as he dipped a finger between your wet folds, rubbing slightly and leaning forward so he could breathe in the small gasp you let out. You instinctively leaned forward to capture him in a kiss but he pulled his head away and glanced around to make sure nobody had seen your mistake.

You’d almost completely forgotten you weren’t alone and your heart sunk for a second before he was applying more pressure against you and you decided you didn’t care. Your hips were rolling forward against his hand and he eyed you with slight warning, using his other hand to try and hold your body still.

He gently took your leg and pulled it across his lap so you were completely spread open for him, rubbing in soft circles for a few seconds before he was sinking a finger deep inside you and curling it up. You would’ve lurched forward if it wasn’t for his hold on you and you quietly leaned your face into his shoulder to muffle the moan that ripped through your throat.

All you could focus on was him, his scent from his hoodie that you were burying your face into it and his large hands moving you around effortlessly. He was pushing another finger in before you had any time to prepare and you rolled your hips again to try and pull him in deeper.

You could feel his hard cock underneath your leg now and you shifted it so it fell directly against him, listening to the way his breath hitched. You were thankful the boys had picked such an action packed movie, reaching its climax and the volume was blaring with loud crashes and explosions.

You wet your lips instinctively, overwhelmed with the desire to kiss him and he noticed the movement, eyes flashing to your lips and then back up to your eyes. You felt completely addicted to him, willing to let him drag you out from the under the covers and fuck you raw right here if that’s what he wanted but he was quickly bringing you back to reality when he was taking his hand away from you.

You felt completely empty and cold as he stood up from the couch within seconds and disappeared upstairs, not sparing you a glance as your eyes widened in shock and you did nothing but watch him leave.

“What happened?” Your brother was turning his head to look at you in confusion and you felt a wave of embarrassment before remembering you were covered by the blanket.

“I don’t know, he said he felt sick.” You quickly lied and Jungwon’s eyes flashed with worry as he glanced back towards the stairs. “I’ll go check on him.”

He gave you a soft smile and a nod before turning back to the movie with interest, not knowing that your stomach was turning uncomfortably as you adjusted your shorts and scurried your way up the stairs and in the direction Heeseung had gone.

You threw open the guest bedroom door when you got up there and found him pacing in upset, hands running through his hair and he froze and shot you a sharp glare when you came inside. You shut the door behind you and looked at him in confusion, taking a few hesitant steps in his direction.

“What wrong? What happened?” You were asking him softly and his expression only darkened with more anger at your gentle confused tone.

“Why the fuck are you doing this?” He was spitting out and your face fell at the hurt in his words, shaking your head to indicate you didn’t understand which only seemed to upset him more. “You said we can’t be together. You said that.”

He was pointing an accusatory finger in your direction and you took another step forward, slightly surprised when he didn’t walk away or tell you to stop approaching. His face twisted up when you got closer however and you were worried he might start to cry.

“You know why I said that.” You were telling him earnestly and your head felt dizzy from how confusing this all was. “It’s not… it’s not because I don’t want to or because I don’t like you. You know that, don’t you?”

He didn’t say anything for a few seconds and your heart shattered at the realization he clearly didn’t understand that. You felt guilty for not saying it outright and for letting your fear hurt him this bad, your selfishness continuing to let him close physically despite the emotional barrier between the two of you.

“I like you Heeseung.” You were telling him firmly and your hands were reaching up to cup his face, his eyes softening as he instinctively pushed his head into your touch and his hands came up to hold onto your wrist softly. “That isn’t why we can’t be together, it has nothing to do with it.”

He looked sad again at the reminder that you weren’t willing to give this a real chance and you expected him to strike up a rebuttal, to try and convince you again but he didn’t say anything. He was just pulling you into a soft kiss and your hands slowly fell off his face as you leaned into it.

It felt like everything was made right the second you were kissing him again, that terrible feeling disappearing from your stomach and you relished in the comfort and safety that overwhelmed you as his hands held your back gently and kept you against him.

He was pulling back after a bit and your eyes fluttered open in confusion as you looked up at him. “Tell me you can go without it. Tell me that you’ll be able to go back to normal and never touch me again once we get home, and I’ll leave you alone forever.”

His words hung heavy in the little space between your bodies and you knew he already knew your answer without you saying. You knew he had realized the way you crave him, not nearly as long or as tragic as he did for you but it was there and overwhelming. He was simply asking you to say it, to lie to him and give him the answer that he needed to be able to stay away from you.

Your eyes were watering and his hands were gentle in the way they wiped your tears, always gentle even when you didn’t feel your deserved it from him.

“I can’t.” You were repeating the words you’d said on the deck in a broken whisper but this time they didn’t make his face crumble. This time you watched the relief pass through his eyes before he was squeezing you softly and pulling you back up for another deep kiss.

You felt overwhelmingly anxious at the thought of giving it a go, of having to tell Jungwon and risk disappointing him or worse and having to cross that heavy line with Heeseung that you wouldn’t be able to come back from, but you realized that you’d already crossed it the moment you opened the door and saw him again.

So you let Heeseung kiss you in excitement and you giggled into his mouth when he lifted you off the ground for a little spin, unable to contain himself after years of pining and wishing to hold you close like this. You still felt that guilt for not noticing his feelings sooner but you were relieved to know you could make up for it now, pulling him in for a deeper kiss and letting your worries disappear for the time being.

They came back full force the next day when you decided to tell Jungwon before you headed home again.

You didn’t want him to find out on accident, not thinking it was fair for him to walk in on you or somehow just understand from the way you looked at each other. He deserved to be told directly and that’s what you kept telling yourself as you stood in front of the room he was using. Heeseung had offered to come with you to take half of the reaction on himself but you knew it needed to just be you and your brother.

He was smiling at you happily when you pushed the door open slowly but it fell slightly when he noticed the worried look on your face.

“Can we talk?” You were muttering to him and he nodded immediately, taking your hand gently and leading you over to sit on his bed with him. He turned his body to face yours and give you his full attention and your heart swelled from how sweet he always was.

“Are you okay?” He asked in a soft voice and you nodded, hesitating as you tried to think of how to word this in a way that wouldn’t completely take him off guard. “Is this about you and Heeseung hyung?”

Your eyes were widening immediately, your hand coming up to cover your mouth as you looked at him in complete surprise. He was still watching you with a gentle worried expression but his mouth quirked up slightly at your reaction to his sudden statement. You dropped your hands back into your lap and your eyebrows furrowed.

“You knew?” You rushed out and he laughed softly before nodding, glancing down at the bed before he was looking at you again and shrugging softly. “How long have you known?”

“I mean.. sorta forever.” He was wincing as he said it in anticipation for the second gasp you let out, followed by a groan as your head fell into your hands. “He used to ask me to marry you like every other night… it took me longer to realize you liked him back but it was bond to happen. I was kind of hoping it would stop you from moving so far away honestly.”

“Wait.. are you saying you thought I liked Heeseung all the way back in high school?” You were cocking your head slightly in bewilderment and now it was his turn to stare at you in confusion, clearly misunderstanding the timeline.

“I mean, yeah. Didn’t you? You’d always talk about him and complain about the stuff he said to you but anyone could tell you thought it was funny.” He was smiling as he spoke, reflecting back on it and you stared at him like he had three heads.

“So I spent this entire time terrified about you finding out, and you knew the entire time?” You were saying it slowly but when he gave you a nod of confirmation you reached forward to shove his shoulder softly.

He laughed at your upset but then he was taking your hand in his and squeezing it, lifting it slightly to bring your attention back on him so you could see how serious he was. You watched your little brother with a new sense of calmness now that he knew and you felt relief running through you as he spoke his next statement.

“As long as you’re happy, I don’t care.” He was saying and you could feel the truth behind his statement, tears springing to your eyes at how sincerely he was telling you this. “Regardless if that means moving far away for school or.. kissing Heeseung.”

You laughed softly at the way his face curled up in disgust at the last part and he smiled before you were pulling him in for a tight hug, wrapping your arms around his shoulders and being extremely grateful that the universe had given you the most understanding little brother to ever exist.

After a few more teary embraces, you were leaving him to finish packing up and heading back to your room. Before you went down the entirety of the hallway, you paused and took a few steps backwards so you were stood in front of a different door instead.

Your heart was pounding slightly and you knocked softly on the familiar wood, standing there and shifting in place as you waited for him to come and answer the door. You’d seen him in a similar way hundreds of times, telling you dinner was ready or showing up at your house to play video games, hundreds of times you’ve opened a door to see his smiling face looking back at you with that same look in his eye.

And now it was time for you to return it, one hundred and one.

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cocogum · 10 days

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The Great Wave - Chapter 5 Review

‼️ SPOILERS FOR THE CHAPTER ‼️

I’m not going to lie, this was the best chapter of the first volume so far. Not only was it better than the old chapters because we had much more to see and think about, but it’s also because it had some soft intimate moments mixed with happy scenes and not to mention felt longer than the others.

I would like to point out that I was completely in the right to explain why it was perfectly reasonable for Amalia to be worried that Aurora would take her place. In my chapter 4 review, I mentioned how Aurora had no right to lead the kingdom without Amalia even if it was in her legal right to do so. Aurora doesn't fully grasp the beliefs of the Sadidas. If she banishes Amalia, the final member of the royal Sadida family, from the kingdom, she will lack crucial insight into the kingdom's governance, particularly regarding the functioning of the Tree of Life.

It's important to note that while Yugo may not be a Sadida or a Twelvian, he has at least demonstrated the bare minimum level of cultural understanding and interaction that surpasses Aurora. Having lived among the Sadidas and rescued them multiple times, he has even communicated with King Oakheart without difficulty. However, it's worth noting that not all Sadidas may fully accept Yugo despite everything he has done. A good example of this would be what @vinillain has said about the topic in their post. I actually recommend you to see what they have to say about it.

Aurora has told Amalia to go back to her adventures, implying that she doesn’t need Amalia IN HER OWN HOME. Not only is the blue cow trophy wife a dumbass, but she’s also extremely unaware of the consequences she could receive if she lets her go.

It’s completely ridiculous but insane to kick the only remaining royal family of the Sadida kingdom if you don’t know how to keep the very living thing that keeps its people breathing.

This just keeps me wondering what the hell is Aurora’s goal besides ruling another kingdom other than the Osamodas one. Is there even another goal? Because if there isn’t, you gotta keep the only member of the royal family around you if you don’t want to fuck a kingdom up babes.

Aurora is legitimately an embarrassment to all blondes out there. They are already tired of hearing the annoying stereotype of “being dumb blondes” so don’t make it worse for them.

I hate what this is implying and I hate how Amalia explains it to Yugo.

Amalia already told Yugo in Season 4 that the sadidas protect the trees with their lives. And now, she’s here specifying to him that once a Sadida dies, they are still very much present in other ways.

Tot I swear on my ass, if this turns out to be some kind of foreshadowing for Amalia’s death, I’m booking a plane ticket straight to France. However, if this turns out to be some sort of implication that Amalia will replace or be the official guardian of the Tree of Life, I might be into it. We’ll just have to see where her words will go.

I loved how Yugo immediately went to console her and brought her into his arms. My guy doesn’t hesitate at all anymore and I’m so proud 🥰 He’s now able to give her the love she deserves 💕

This is the first time he mentions the past, and I'm glad he remembers how she used to be and can see the good in her, even when she was less mature.

Look at how he admires her in this very moment! He’s absolutely smitten 💕💕

“But already full of courage.” Yeah, the fearless sassy adventurer is definitely his type lol

I’ve been seeing a lot of people talk about the pregnancy situation with Aurora and with Amalia as well. The recurring references to pregnancy in certain chapters have led some to speculate about their significance. They are so vaguely placed in some instances but still present that the mentions almost appear like they’ve been strategically placed, leading to the belief that they may play a crucial role in upcoming events.

Here, we have Amalia crying her tears out at the idea that Aurora is perfectly justified to regain her position as queen simply because of her alleged pregnancy.

Just this scene alone makes me believe that Amalia has all the right to get pregnant as well. This is literally the scene that’s pushing the idea of her getting a kid.

Amalia. Get pregnant already. YUGO HELP HER-

I genuinely hate the fact that Amalia believes Armand would’ve let Aurora become the leader in his place because she’s harbouring his “child.”

Like no babe that doesn’t make any sense.

Throughout Season 4, we were able to clearly understand that Armand and Aurora did have feelings for one another but that didn’t mean Armand thought she was worthy to take his place if he was gone.

There’s a reason why there was only one throne in the Sadida kingdom.

There’s a reason why he was the only one conversing the most with other symbols of power or influence such as Master Joris, Yugo, and the cow king.

There’s a reason why he only addresses himself when he’s talking about the sadida leadership.

There’s a reason why he says “my people” rather than “our people”.

There’s a reason why he told Amalia, straight to her face, that she’s got it from here right before he sacrifices himself.

Armand never thought about Aurora when it came to any kind of leadership.

And sure, even if the child is real (because I still do not believe that wench), that doesn’t mean Armand was expecting the child to take over for him, much less Aurora, when Amalia was still in the picture.

Man was just horny that’s it.

Oh oop- drama???

Omg no this is genuinely such a good moment.

Amalia accidentally tells Yugo that he’s a stranger in the eyes of the royal Osamodas family and supposedly the other leaders as well and Yugo simply accepts this fact while she’s over here internally cursing herself for saying that to his face.

Because Amalia knows she’s right. And Yugo knows it just as much as her, if only more. Despite how Yugo wants to help Amalia in the situation she’s in, he’s aware that his very existence is a disturbance to the other leaders. (Which is a parallel to what happened with the Eliatrope goddess and the other gods around her.)

It greatly bothers Yugo to not be able to help his wife because of what he is and it is pretty understandable. There are people who are clashing with Amalia so he’ll obviously want to fight back.

While we're on the subject of who’s more of a stranger than the actual alien, I’d like to point out that even the royal Sadida staff treats Yugo like he’s part of the family. When Yugo and Amalia were having their moment, Renate (or Canar, I can’t remember who is who these two are just always together) enters the sacred grounds and calls for them, reminding them to be a part of the wedding their friends are having. But the way Renate (or Canar) addresses them is not by their royal status, but simply by their names.

This is an important detail to be aware of because Renate/Canar had no reason to justify why he called them by their names alone.

It just goes to show that some royal servants can be comfortable calling Yugo and Amalia this way without receiving any consequences. It also implies that only the servants who have interacted and gotten along with Yugo and Amalia when they were younger, are allowed to address them by their names.

And I love that fact so terribly much.

Amalia is a queen who understands personal relationships with servants and doesn’t think the idea is a bad thing. She has always been looking forward to speaking to her servants and befriending them since she was a child. Renate, Canar, and Evangelyne are examples of this.

Another detail that can be pointed out in this scene is what Renate/Canar said next: there was a wedding the two are supposed to attend later in the day.

This wouldn’t have been such a big thing to think about if it wasn’t for the fact that Yugo mentioned to Grougal that the two people in question who are getting a wedding, are two of his and Amalia’s friends.

Literally what? Who?!? Who are those friends??? That literally came out of nowhere!

It can’t be Eva and Dally because they already got married ages ago. So who could they be? Some friends who the brotherhood of the tofu met during one of their adventures? New characters that we’re going to see in Season 5 if it ever gets released? Or simply new characters that we’re going to discover in the manga? I’m throwing all the possibilities in the air because these two individuals cannot be normal civilians that Yugo and Amalia decided to plan a wedding for. Yugo precisely stated that these people are their friends.

Because of the Brotherhood’s lack of presence, one might assume that the couple getting married could consist of a Sadida and an Eliatrope, which would explain why Yugo and Amalia are familiar with them.

The Eliatropes and Sadidas depicted in this panel appear to be getting along, as they are all gathered in circles surrounded by Sadidas who seem to be accepting of their presence.

@aphilayx circled the exact amount of small groups that contained sadidas and eliatropes conversing together.

We can also believe that the marriage is unlikely to have any of the brotherhood’s friends who they met in their adventures take part in the ceremony, as was the case with Tristeva and Yumalia’s weddings. It appears that only Alibert, Adamaï, and Chibi, who are not from the kingdom, will be participating.

All of these points only encourage the idea that the marriage Yugo and Amalia would participate in could be between a sadida and an eliatrope.

…if the eliatropes weren’t children.

The eliatropes are not adults yet. Only a few months, or possibly a year, have passed between Season 4 and the webtoon. The eliatropes are not ready to marry anyone.

But then again, an interracial marriage would still make sense. Because why would any other race be here? I don’t see anyone else. The room we were shown only displayed sadidas and eliatropes. The only other person who isn’t an eliatrope, a sadida, or even a dragon, is Alibert (poor guy’s the only Enutrof there lol). He sticks out like a sore thumb 😭

Speaking of the room, we finally get to see Chibi and Grougal! It's great to have more opportunities to see them, especially since they were only featured in the first episode of the Ovas and one episode of Season 4 until now. In both of those times, they barely spoke or said a line. But here, we can finally see them having more moments and SPEAKING.

Well, only Chibi is talking but I think that’s pretty understandable since Grougal seems to be less talkative than him cuz he’s…well a baby dragon.

Grougal chews on wood when he can’t eat anything else…

Honestly, that’s relatable for all human babies. And then we got Chibi over here who decided to snitch on him for trying to eat Az. I never thought the future inventor would be able to snitch like that, how embarrassing.

DUDE WHY ARE YOU BRINGING DOWN GROUGAL LIKE THAT?! BRO’S JUST TRYNNA BE A DRAGON-

I’ve never seen Yugo get this mad at Grougal damn. I only saw Adamaï acting like that in season 2...daddy’s mad.

Yugo gives off the vibe of being the responsible older brother who had to act mature to help the parents handle the younger kids. He’s such a big brother to them both to the point where he’s making me think he’ll be such a good househusband father.

He’s even compromising with them!! Telling Grougal to wait a bit until the food can be ready.

Please that is such a fatherly thing to do!! They usually do this when the mother isn’t watching lol. Yugo’s over here telling Grougal to wait just a bit longer so he could be able to eat whatever he wants at the banquet.

By the way, I bet the feast will only be filled with drinks and fruits based on the food we’ve seen in the webtoon trailer.

Ruel had once complained that all the sadidas ate were soups so I guess that’s also another thing these people eat. The only time I’ve seen a sadida eat meat was Amalia in the first episode of the Ovas cutting a cooked animal in Ruel’s contraption.

So yeah, Grougal’s gonna starve either way lol

Also I’m definitely using this panel as my lock screen 💕💕

Look at him, he’s about to ground him before Alibert can.

Just cuz of this scene alone, it made me think that’s how he’s gonna act if he ever gets a kid(s) with Amalia. So if his kid misbehaves, he’d make that frowning face lol

And now we’re back to these imbeciles.

It irks me that these two blue-skinned clowns are being served and taken care of by the sadidas. They got THEIR OWN SUITE ARE U KIDDING ME-

The blue cow king even had some food prepared by the sadidas for his goofy ass ride! Stop treating the sadida servants like they are your own ones!!

Aurora is as unlikable as always, ordering the people to prepare her room.

I swear not even younger Amalia used to order her people like that. She used to get along with them and even talk to them as if she was about to spill some tea. But Aurora? Cow is so entitled that she’s even acting like that to people who are not even from the same race as her.

Blue cow mentioned that the chest the Sadida servant was carrying, had a “kougnard” in it (in English it’s a “skrot”).

We couldn’t see what it looked like but it clearly scared the shit out of that sadida woman. So I took the time to search up what a “Kougnard” was and it turns out it was actually a very ugly bat creature.

A “kougnard” is an animal you can use for transportation or a companion you can bring around while adventuring. Their main use is transportation though so they carry you from point A to point B if you can’t find a zaap gate near you.

They originally came from Ecaflipus, the Ecaflip God’s dimension. The kougnard that Aurora has is a newborn one which would explain why it could fit into a chest.

For a visual example, this is what a kougnard looks like in its adult form 👇

So yeah, pretty ugly.

Like ew wtf no wonder the sadida woman shit her leaves. Sorry for any player who uses these things but I don’t see how you can even touch one of them, let alone look at them for more than fifteen seconds. They look like ugly crusty bats that are fighting for their lives just to breathe.

Also what’s up with Aurora keeping familials in chests?? Wtf?? Isn’t she pro-animal or whatever?? Literally what’s up with that?? What’s so special about a living baby kougnard that she has to keep it in a chest???

That thing is even ugly as a baby, just look at how that sadida woman reacted when she saw it. Literally freaked her the hell out.

Apparently, Aurora wears the animal on her head in the next chapter according to what the next chapter’s cover entails. She seems to have something in her head and @geekgirles deduced that if we focus our attention on the top of her head, we can see claws.

I swear if that blue cow is actually looking down on people in that panel while having an ugly crusty-ass bat on her head, I’ll be laughing my ass off at this goofy behavior.

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genericpuff · 17 days

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Have you seen the Webtoon "Working with an Editor" Video? I feel like this explains a lot of how the platform's Originals end up in the states that they do. Based on that vid, it seems their editors are less the developmental or copy types, and more acquisitions and managerial focused. Which explains how some series have "an editor" for editorial oversight, while not being what readers would consider "edited".

oh there are... definitely things about the editors I can tell you based on what I've read and even been told directly by some Originals creators (obviously their names are going to remain anonymous here lol) Before I go into it, every editor and every contract is different, I have no way of actually knowing what goes on behind the scenes due to not being an Originals creator myself, so please take what I'm about to say with mountains of salt as much of it was either learned secondhand through creator AMA's and at best, firsthand through anonymous Originals creators who I've communicated directly with. Ultimately you should be getting your facts from the creators who actually speak up on this matter, not me.

1.) WT has a VERY small pool of editors who are currently being stretched incredibly thin. Bre Boswell, as an example, currently oversees 20+ comics, including Lore Olympus (though not anymore haha), Nevermore, The Kiss Bet, Down to Earth, and Castle Swimmer. She is not the only one with this big of a workload. Obviously with one person having to oversee this many series at once, it's virtually impossible for them to do the actual "editing" part of their jobs, even if they genuinely want to.

2.) The role of WT editor isn't the same as a traditional editor - many of them are simply liasons between creators and Webtoons, meaning any questions creators have about their schedules, salaries, etc. are directed to their editors who then contact WT on their behalf and relay the response back to the creators. The bare minimum requirement for their job seems to be just making sure that creators are following terms of services. The traditional role of editing - proofreading, offering advice and storytelling tweaks, etc. - seems to be entirely optional and dependent on how much time the editor can devote to the series (see #1) + how much creative input the creator is willing to accept.

3.) With how low WT's standards are and how overworked a lot of editors have become, many editors actually stop reading their respective comics after the first few episodes once they're confident that the creator can handle the series on their own without needing check-ups that they're following ToS. So in that respect they truly do just become messenger owls between the creators and WT (and IIRC creators send their episodes to their editors to upload, they don't do it manually themselves). This is also why there are webtoons that share the same editor but differ greatly in quality of writing and art - how well a webtoon is written and drawn is often entirely dependent on the creators making it (it's why Nevermore manages to be so consistently good despite having the same editor as Lore Olympus which is consistently awful lmao).

As an added little thing, I will not say who, but there is a specific editor who... often gets a looot of special treatment from WT, from what I've been told and heard. A lot of their series get away with way more than what others do and get a lot more advertising privileges.

(and no, it's actually not Bre LOL from what I've been told Bre is actually a very sweet person who's very chill to work with haha)

#ask me anything #ama #anon ama #anon ask me anything #webtoon critical

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cycat-carisi · 6 months

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Lonesome Superhero

Pairing: Gator Tillman x f!reader (not romantic)

Summary: Gator keeps hitting on you and you finally give him a piece of your mind. He's not the sweet boy you once knew anymore - or if he is, it's far too difficult to see.

Tags: No spoilers! Angst. Post episode 1 and 2.

Warnings: language, misogynistic themes from the show

Length: ~1.3k

A/N: This just popped into my head and I needed to get it out. Gator is despicable and unless he has some major character growth, I can't bring myself to romanticize him. I do think his character is super intriguing though. I hope we get to dive deeper into what makes him tick throughout the season. (:

(Plus, I have a theory that Gator may have unintentionally been a witness to his mother's murder as a boy...)

Fic below the cut or on AO3 here

It's in the way the frosted glass door harshly swings open that immediately lets you know who is behind it. There could only be one person who felt entitled enough to barge into a retirement home like he owned the place.

You swallow thickly. Not again.

Turning around from your medicine cart, you find him standing there in his camouflage cargo pants and a black t-shirt that is two sizes too tight. His hands perch on his hips as his narrowed eyes and cocky smirk aim in your direction.

"Gator, please. Not today," you speak coldly.

His smirk only grows. "Oh, c'mon, babycakes, you don’t know what you're missin'!"

"Gator!" you scold, trying to hush your voice in front of your patients. "Come with me, please." Anger bubbles up inside of you as Gator's face contorts into a triumphant grin. He saunters forward as you lead him toward the back entrance of the small facility.

In the shadow of the building, the fall air nips at your bare arms. The chill, however, is easily quelled by your boiling blood.

"How dare you come to my place of work!" You waste no time laying into the Tillman son.

Your ferocity catches Gator off-guard, causing panic to dart across his features. He takes a half-step back, pulling his head and neck along with it.

Oh, but you’re far from done with him.

"For weeks now, you've been popping up wherever I go, asking me to go out with you in the most degrading ways possible! Every. Single. Time. I have turned you down, yet you clearly cannot take ‘no’ for an answer! And now you have the audacity to show up at where I work and do the same? No! It doesn’t work like that, Gator. I worked hard for my career. I went to college, got my license, and came back here to help my community. I am respected in this building, and I will not tolerate you waltzing in here like God's gift to women and disrespecting me in front of my patients!"

Out of breath and seething, you continue to stare Gator down. He looks downright gobsmacked – a mixture of a wounded pup about to run and a cornered hound ready to bite.

The silence is deafening. You wait for Gator to snap back like he always does – some moronic comeback that's as pathetic as his barbed wire LOL tattoo.

And predictably, he does just that. "What the hell?!!" he cries out, stepping towards you and invading your space. The pungent odor from his last puff of vape wafts off his breath. "I'm the law in this town! I'm a winner! All you ever do is humiliate me! You're fucking awful!"

"I'm awful?!" you scoff, eyebrows shooting skyward. You're about to rip him a new one when you simply stop and shake your head in pity. "What happened to you, Gator?"

Once again, the Tillman son is rendered speechless. His dark brow pinches together in confusion. "Wha-?"

You seize your opportunity to dive a little deeper. "I mean, what happened to the Gator from middle school? The one who used to be my friend? The boy who was sweet and kind and would spend lunch hours reading comic books with me. It's like you suddenly woke up one day and decided to become an asshole, always acting out in class and purposely bullying other kids. Doing reckless shit because your dad could get you out of trouble. And now? I think you've gotten worse! Hell, Mrs. Lakeland told me that you all but pushed Gladys Baker out of the way at the corner store the other day. What the heck is wrong with you? Who do you think you are?"

"I - I -" he stammers, head spinning. Then Gator swallows, puffing up his chest. "I take what's mine! I take what I'm owed. I made it through police training. People in this town owe me their respect, so I take it as I see fit."

"Newsflash! That's not how you get respect, sunshine," you retort. "Respect is earned, and from where I'm standing, all I see is a pathetic man-child whose daddy got him where he is today. 'My father is the sheriff' are the magic words that force people to step out of your way. That's not respect; that's notoriety from being a grade-A asshole!"

Gator's face twists into a snarl while his fists clench and unclench at his sides. You've clearly hit a nerve.

Even though you’d love nothing more than to lay into him some more, you remind yourself that it’s notworth the fight. Instead, your chest constricts with disappointment. "I don’t get it, Gator,” you speak softly. “Why do you let your father run your life? He says to jump and you ask how high. When are you gonna wake up and realize that he's just using you?"

If it wasn’t clear that you’d struck a nerve before, it certainly is now. Gator’s combat boot strikes the gravel, sending up a cloud of dust and dirt, and his cheeks glaze over with a deep red flush. "I don’t – He doesn’t –" Lost for words, Gator simply clamps his jaw shut. He kicks at the ground again and throws his hands to his hair, letting out a frustrated yell.

You hop back in surprise; a fearful gasp escapes you at his sudden outburst.

Gator's head whips back up, and those dark eyes meet yours.

Middle school was a long time ago, yet Gator remembers everything. He remembers how nice you were to him; how one day you saw this quiet boy sitting alone at lunch with a comic book and decided to come over and ask what he was reading. He used to dream of being as invincible as the superheroes in his books – Gator's way of shielding himself from everything that he'd seen. But then you came along and somehow made him feel a little less alone. He adored you and your friendship, eventually developing a little crush. That was, of course, before Gator was taught that girls weren't supposed to like comics, that men lead while women follow, and that his father's word was absolute. If he pleased his father, any situation could go Gator's way. The power sought after by characters in his comic books was right at Gator's fingertips; all he had to do was prove to the senior Tillman that he was worthy. Nothing else mattered.

And now? Gator almost had it. He was so close to having his father's approval. He was certain of it! Why couldn't you see that? Why couldn't you see how awesome he had become? He had buried his crush on you away while you were at college, but now that you were back, there was no reason to hide that he wanted you. And there should be no reason why you wouldn't want him either!

Except…your words today hurt. They made Gator feel puny and pathetic. How could you say that he was just his father's pawn?! He was his own man! A tough and strong and important man in this town...right?

You watch as despair briefly flashes across Gator's face before quickly being replaced by aggravation. He grunts again prior to spinning on his heels and stalking off.

No! Gator is his own man, and you were just the type of woman his father had warned him about! His crush is stupid, and so are you...

As Gator storms off, his ears catch your quiet words laced with pity. "Silly me for thinking that the sweet guy who read comics with me would still be in there.”

For the first time since he was a boy, tears stab at Gator's eyes. He scrunches his eyes closed and shakes his head, instead focusing on the sound of gravel crunching under his boots as he slinks away.

Thanks for reading! Feedback is loved ❤

#gator tillman #fargo #fargo season 5 #gator tillman x reader #my fanfic #fargo fx #joe keery #lonesome superhero series

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ccosmicstarzz · 1 month

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Thinking a lot about the most glorious Halloween special community could ever make, season 2 episode 6 ‘Epidemiology’ lately. Mostly about the trobed scenes. (Spoiler warning ahead lol)

Thinking about the “I love you” “I know” part a whole lot, but also another part that does not get talked about enough

When Troy just escaped, but he goes back inside to try and save everyone by turning down the thermostat. And as he’s being pummeled by the zombies, he fights off his good friends with zero hesitation, until he sees Abed. THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HIM. The way he hesitates before saying “we’re friends”.

I’m genuinely going to go insane over this scene. HE LET ABED BITE HIM. He had zero issue punching and fighting his other good friends, but he couldn’t bring himself to hurt Abed. Abed, who was barely even Abed at this point, because the zombie infection had stripped him from all of his individuality and made him into a shell of a person with only one goal, to bite any uninfected person he could find. Even though he was hardly the same Abed Troy knew and loved, he STILL COULDNT BRING HIMSELF TO HURT HIM, and let him bite him. Im actually going insane over this.

TROY COULDNT BRING HIMSELF TO HURT ABED, EVEN THOUGH ABED WAS BARELY EVEN ABED ANYMORE AND WAS LITERALLY A SHELL OF HIMSELF, AND TROY LET. HIM. BITE. HIM. BECAUSE HE COULDNT BARE TO HURT HIM.

Oh and the fact that they don’t remember ANY OF WHAT HAPPENED keeps me up at night

I think this is one of, if not the only, big rambly post I’ve made on here soooo uhh… enjoy lol. This was very fun to write so there may be more to come.

#community #community tv #abed nadir #troy barnes #trobed #I literally cannot stop thinking about this please help #don’t mind me rambling about my silly little ships lolol

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paintyoureyeswithavividmind · 10 months

Text

close to home | chapter forty one

plot: the reader gets taken by the saviors

series masterlist

Pairing: Eventual Daryl Dixon x f!reader Word Count: 1,489 Warnings: violence, blood, typical twd A/N: thank you for reading!!! Hope you guys are liking the longer chapters! This one isn't lol updated twice today not to brag but look at me go

The room was so dark you thought you were still asleep when you woke up. You thought you were in a bad dream. It took you a few seconds to realize the light was shining underneath a doorway, but it barely lit up the room. The back of your head was aching, and you were nearly positive you had a concussion. Slowly, you started to sit up.

The room was small, like a closet. That was the only thing that you knew. Other than the fact that the saviors had you. Your hands were shaking as you dropped your head in them. You were with the saviors. And you were most likely going to die here.

Tears burned your eyes as you thought about home and how you’d never see it again. You wouldn’t jog the streets of the community or read comics with Carl ever again. You wouldn’t laugh with Michonne or see Maggie and Glenn’s baby be born. You’d never see Daryl again. And you would never, ever see your precious Tora.

The image of the cat’s face made you lose it, and you couldn’t stop crying. Your heart was beating erratically, and you felt on the verge of throwing up. “No, no, no,” You mumbled to yourself.

You weren’t sure how long you sat in that room for. It wasn’t until your tears had dried and you were lying on the floor, defeated, that you heard voices.

“I got the message she was up,” You heard someone say.

“Yes, sir, about an hour or so ago.”

“Alright, well let’s get this done then, shall we?”

You heard keys jingling, and then the door opened. Your eyes shut at the bright light, and you raised your hand to shield them as you squinted.

Two men were standing before you. One held the door open, and the other stood in the doorway. You couldn’t see his face as your eyes hadn’t adjusted, but you should see the figure of a lean man with a bat over his shoulder.

“Well, well, well, if you ain’t a sight for sore eyes.” The man said. “I sure am glad Dwighty boy brought you to me. Must be my birthday or something!”

Your vision was finally restored, and you saw an older man with a dark beard. He was smiling down at you, but it made your skin crawl.

“If you’re going to kill me, just get it over with,” You said.

The man smiled and rubbed his jaw, “Huh. If I wanted that, you would be chained up outside already. Now come on, let’s get you off the floor,” He said, stretching his hand out to you.

You ignored it and stayed where you were. “Who are you?”

“Oh, darlin’, I’m so glad you asked me that. I’m Negan. Now, don’t make me ask again.” He said, with his arm still outstretched.

Your stomach tightened in a wave of anxiety and you grabbed his hand, letting him pull you to your feet. You glanced at the bat that was on his shoulder and caught him smiling at you.

“This here is Lucille; she’s my partner in crime,” He gave you a playful wink. “But she doesn’t like messing with a face as pretty as yours. Well, at least not much.”

You nearly scowled at the threat but had the sense to keep your face neutral.

“Come on, let’s go for a walk; we have some talking to do,”

***

The ‘walk’ with Negan led you to a private room in the maze of hallways. You couldn’t tell where you were or even what this building was supposed to be. He walked before you, swinging the bat, and any person passing you knelt for him.

You were left alone with him, and he pointed towards the table. “I had a meal prepared for us. I thought it’d be nice to talk over dinner. Nobody does that anymore, you know.” He said.

The table was set up with two plates. As you sat down, you noticed there wasn’t a knife. Not that you would be stupid enough to try anything in this place anyway. You knew how many people were here.

A few people came into the room and brought in food. You watched them in silence, and when they were gone, you looked at what food they gave you. It was some sort of chicken with actual vegetables. Fresh vegetables. The Hilltop.

“Gosh, I’m just starved after a day like today,” Negan said, “Don’t worry about anything in the food. I don’t want to kill you.”

“I find that hard to believe,” You said.

Negan smiled as he chewed and he leaned back against the chair. “They told me you had quite a mouth on you when they dropped you off here. It’s been a long time since someone talked to me like that. I forgot how much I liked it…”

You made a face at the lude comment and grabbed your fork, examining the food. “Why don’t you want to kill me then? At least for right now.”

“I believe people are a resource, and I believe you could be quite resourceful.”

“I believe it would be better for you to stop staying shit like that,” You said, stabbing a piece of chicken.

“Oh, darlin’, I just can’t seem to stop myself.” Negan chuckled. “I want you to tell me about the community.”

“I-.”

“And don’t tell me you’re not from there. I know it. You know it. And I think you’re smarter than trying to lie about it.”

“There’s nothing to tell.” You said, “It’s a community. Probably similar to this one.”

Negan laughed and said, “I don’t think that’s true.”

“What even is this place?” You asked.

“Why don’t you tell me your name, first?”

You looked at Negan as you chewed. “(Y/N),”

“The name as beautiful as the holder,” He chucked.

You frowned. “Sweet-talking me isn’t going to get what you want, Negan. I will die before I tell you or any pig in this place anything. But it doesn’t matter. We’ll kill you all if you don’t back down.”

Negan looked at you for a long moment before he spoke. “But of course, you won’t be around for that then, would you?”

You dropped your fork and leaned against the seat. You knew his game now. “I don’t intend on it.”

“Well, I don’t think I can let that happen, now, can I?”

***

You weren’t sure how long you were in the dark room after that. Telling time was next to impossible, and you feared you would be left here to rot. But it was favorable to torture, and you considered yourself lucky.

You’d been in there for hours before someone came to collect you. You were delivered directly to Negan--who you hadn’t seen since the dinner you shared with him. He smiled widely as you were forced towards him.

“You ready to see your family, darlin’?”

You weren’t given a chance to respond. A bag went over your head, and you were roughly thrown into the back of some sort of van due to all the space you had. It started up immediately, and you fell over as it drove. With the bag over your head and the dark inside of the van, time moved slowly. You could tell it was for a while and thought you were headed towards Alexandria. They’d somehow found the community and would most likely beat you to death in front of everyone.

The dark closet was preferable. But you didn’t want to wait any longer for death. Everyone lived on borrowed time since the world went to shit, and your number was being called. You could live with it if it meant your family would live.

When the van stopped moving, it was parked for a long time. You couldn’t see what was happening outside, but you could vaguely hear voices. You heard the door roll up, and someone grabbed you.

Your body hit the ground, and you groaned as you were pulled back up to your feet and forced forward. You struggled with every step, trying to fight back, but whoever pushed you forward was strong.

It was quiet, just crickets chirruping when you heard someone’s voice getting louder as you approached. “It’s gonna be pee-pee pants city here real soon.” Negan.

“Oh shit, looks like you forgot someone, Simon!” Negan laughed; you could tell this was just a part of his games.

You struggled against the person holding you for another few steps before you were pushed to the ground. The bag from your head was pulled off, and you squinted in the light momentarily before you took in the scene around you.

Your family. All lined up.

#daryl x y/n #daryl dixion x reader #daryl fanfiction #the walking dead daryl #daryl dixon x reader #daryl x reader #daryl dixon #daryl twd #twd #daryl x you

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eriophorumcallitrix · 5 months

Text

ok so i wanna talk about my biggest gripe with the latest reason for disliking tubbo. this ended up accidentally being a more in-depth character explanation from my/tubbos pov. and boy do I mean the compulsive overexplanation really popped off on this one

(disclaimer: you’re obviously allowed to dislike any character you want, I’m not your mom and I’m just voicing my own view + experiences lol)

one of the biggest criticisms for him im seeing as of the moment is that he’s being annoying. and I completely agree. I think he’s being inflammatory at really awful times. but what I don’t agree with is the lack of discussion about why he’s acting this way. chalking his callousness up to simple neglect or lack of care is a disservice to his character.

my interpretation of tubbos current mental state and how he got here is like this:

tension has been high strung for weeks now due to the egg island workers showing up and harassing people. they’ve killed empanada, and there really does not seem to be shit they can do about it. the federation doesn’t give a shit, the workers are OP as all hell, and tubbo has tried everything in his power to keep sunny and her siblings safe. not even his busted set of armor kept him from getting three-tapped. like tubbo said: “why try if there’s no chance of winning?”

so already, he’s depressed and frustrated with himself for not being able to do a damn thing to keep the people he loves safe.

then we get into his relationships with the people around him. in tubbos eyes, pac and fit are forming a close relationship that he feels is going to leave him behind. pac, fit and Ramon have each other now. they’re family now in a way that tubbo doesn’t seem to be a part of now. I can’t remember if he said this exactly, but it was along the lines of: well now there’s not going to be any space for me [if they’re that close.] his closest friends are moving on without him, and there’s nothing he can do about that either.

now we have a depressed barely-adult guy whose self esteem has TANKED because he feels like there’s no use for him anymore. his friends are moving on without him and the only thing he’s good for is how useful he can be to others.

except for sunny.

it barely took a week for them to get attached to each other, and now it’s them against the world. sunny is all he needs, and tubbo is all she needs. they mean everything to each other, and would burn it all down if it made the other smile. and right now? it’s looking like it’ll be just them against the world until further notice.

but sunny has her friends. she has her siblings! she loves them to death and they love her to death too. she has her accountant bad, her bodyguard fit and driver pac! (if I remember correctly xd) and they’ve got her. sunny can trust them, and has them to stick around for.

tubbo does not have this. don’t get him wrong, he’s incredibly grateful that she’s got people on her side that love her other than him! but this doesn’t come without unspoken jealousy and resentment. not resentment towards sunny, obviously, but definitely some jealousy of her relationships with the others. and possible resentment towards the others for not sparing the same kindness towards him.

this is where I tie back to my original point. the difference between sunny and her pa is mostly communication and trust of others. sunny is willing to communicate and trust others, and tubbo is not.

to start with why tubbo isn’t communicating with others right now: i believe he’s reached the point of emotional shutdown. he has tried his damndest to do what he can to resolve the situation and nothing has worked. this is already something I believe is stressing him out really badly, thus taking up a significant portion of his emotional threshold.

and now he can’t even seek solace or help in his friends because he cannot let himself trust them.

he has tried to give out cries for help in ways that aren’t necessarily straightforward. and he’s also said some seriously worrying things lately under the guise of being jokes. i don’t blame the others for not getting that, but I still can’t help but wonder why nobody’s really thought to look any deeper into it? like don’t get me wrong, tubbo says some completely inane shit sometimes. but has the frequency of these “jokes” and his inflammatory behavior not tipped anyone off at all?

regardless, tubbo feels like he’s tried. he’s not that good at communicating, and even when he is, he may not come off as treating the situation with proper sensitivity. it’s already a struggle to communicate, not even mentioning trying to ask for help. this is a whole other layer to wondering why he even tries doing things “right.”

he already thinks people only keep him around for what he can provide, so thats the only thing he thinks he’s got going for him and he’s barely hanging onto it too.

so as a result of not knowing how to cope with the situations around him and pretty much being extended past his emotional capability, he acts out. he doesn’t want fit and pac together because they’re gonna leave him behind. so he tries to ruin it. it doesn’t work, and they are continuing to move on without him. so he constantly comments on how annoying it is, and in a way, tries to get them to push him away themselves. he just wants a resolution to this hurt he’s feeling, and he wants them to just get “the move away” over already. but obviously that’s not gonna happen.

so he makes insensitive jokes, says stupid shit and does stupid shit too. he lies and blames others. he wants his friends to push him away already and give him a good reason to finally run away with sunny and completely isolate. this is beyond his capabilities, and all he needs at this point is a solid reason for him to finally hit the ground running.

but each day he comes back to spawn, doing everything he can to not completely lose it for sunny. he’s trying his best to keep it together for her, and he can’t let himself be weak. admitting his feelings in the place he’s currently in would end up coming out as a breakdown. and he cannot let the people around him see that. it would be a fatal error to open up when he cannot trust the feds nor the egg island workers not to take advantage of his weakness. and he needs to be there for sunny, to at the very least protect her if nothing else.

so essentially: tubbo is past his emotional threshold and is barely keeping it together. the facade is slipping and the harshness/what people perceive as annoying is continuously slipping out from the cracks.

(with this next bit, this is just me recognizing autistic patterns of behavior in myself + some others in tubbo’s character. i dont actually know if he’s autistic this is just me drawing parallels from my experience. and how I have seen these behaviors be treated within the qsmp fandom. don’t say I’m armchair diagnosing him or whatever for the love of god please)

so tubbo cannot cope with the situations around him, which is resulting in his mask slipping. he’s fully aware that he’s being insensitive and kind of an ass, but he is quite literally past his capability of keeping up with social niceties at this point. and i do think the unnecessary jokes in bad taste are purposefully to get people to either notice something is wrong or to get them to push him away so he doesn’t keep hurting their feelings.

and people getting onto him about communication I think simply do not get how utterly difficult it is to communicate when you have reached the point where you’re struggling to mask. not to mention the danger he could put himself in by being vulnerable to others on top of that. so ultimately, brushing off his fears and character traits as a simple “he could do this but doesn’t want to/is just stubborn and annoying for no reason/for a reason that isn’t good enough for me” is kind of ridiculous. it also reminds me of some things I’ve been told in relation to my struggles with autism, but that’s just me. not that i think people are actually being ableist but i do think some of y’all’s arguments are slipping a little too close to ableist rhetoric.

once again you’re allowed to dislike whoever you want and think they’re annoying, but i would encourage you to think a little more in depth as to why you think they’re annoying.

(and I’m not saying some people don’t like autistic traits that aren’t cute n quirky but… it’s getting a little too close for comfort >_>)

#1.5k words fml #qsmp tubbo #qsmp discourse #discourse #flying a little close to the sun with this one methinks #ableism mention #3 am word vomit about one of my faves. who could’ve seen this coming

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dokoni-mo · 1 year

Text

Crave: Part Six || William Afton x GN! Reader

summary: the eye of the storm

mild NSFW

word count: 4404

warnings: age-gap relationship (reader is 20 william is pushing 40), allusions to mental illness, willy is obsessive, possessive too, and a little creepy, and a hypocrite, and narcissistic lol, and a little bit of a yandere, mentions of divorce, dysfunctional parent-child relationships, secret relationships, swearing, gaslighting, manipulation tactics, dom/sub undertones if you squint, willy is VERY egotistical, allusions to corruption kink, sir kink, smoking, sensual touching, dirty fantasies, praise, lying, erections, indirect mentions of stalking, dirty fantasies, kissing

minors dni // please read warnings!!

part one // two // three // four // five

a/n: helloooo everyone!! I am back again with another part!! I've gotten a lot of messages asking where this was and here it is!! It's my spring break now, so i have time to feed all of you guys again!! thank you to everyone who was patient with me in the meantime, it means a lot <3 hopefully the length of this chapter will make up for the wait!! enjoy!!

~~~

Even though it was very much out of the way, Mr. Afton's office was still far too noisy for his liking.

When first establishing the diner, he was well aware that the target audience was children first, and then their parents second. And, having had children of his own, William knew that children were noisy. Very noisy. But surely their parents could control them in public spaces, yes? Other kids want to enjoy the animatronics and the music too. And that's hard to do when brat one and brat two are screaming their heads off. So surely the parents would teach them some manners, right?

No. Of course not. He was being too optimistic.

And, over the years, William found that smoking was the only cure to his headaches. They were frequent while at work, and he took frequent long breaks to cure them. The nicotine was the only remedy.

Aside from his bunny, of course. Though you were far more addicting than the nicotine.

William hadn't heard a word from you ever since the incident with Michael on Monday. It was Wednesday now, and he still missed you just as much as he had prior. You remembered your rules, didn't you? Phone him once a week? Don't tell him you forgot already. Each minute that ticked by he could feel the pull of anticipation coming from whatever phone was nearby. Hell, he had barely slept the last few nights because he wanted to be sure he'd get your call. But the lack of sleep was getting to him. He could feel it in the sting of his eyes every time he blinked.

Damn it, bunny. You need to be more attentive with these things.

Running his hand through his brown-grey hair, he breathed out a heavy sigh as he tamped out his third cigarette of the day. His elbows were situated heavy on his expensive, messy desk, leaned forward in his chair. He needed to get a hold of himself. It had only been a few days. You were a good bunny, and of course you were gonna follow the rules. William shouldn't chastise you too much. You had things to do, most likely. Or just wanted to wait to play it safe. He just missed you a lot more than he expected. Especially after all that with Michael.

The brit felt his jaw clench, reaching in his desk drawer for a fresh pack of cigarettes.

Who the fuck did that boy even think he was? He had no right to disturb William's peace like that, sticking his nose where it didn't belong. Your relationship with the older man was none of his damned business. And who was he to even question it to begin with? Question him? Question you? Poor bunny. You were probably so frightened, weren't you? William hoped you weren't scared off too much, enough to where you didn't want to call. Did you think it was best not to anymore? God damn it. Mr. Afton wished he could communicate with you better.

The brit bent his neck down as he pulled open one of his drawers, searching for his lighter.

Fucking Michael. Always ruining shit. William was getting fucking sick and tired of his bullshit, having to be the ring-leader in the fuckery circus. Michael was a damn brat.

He'd fucking pay for this.

After successfully lighting the cigarette, William heard a knock as he put the lighter away. A brief twinge of hope rushed through him as he looked up at his office door. Could it be you, little bunny? Did you not call because you were planning to visit him this whole time? Sweet little one. Always so considerate.

But, then again...

William's excitement vanished as soon as it came up. He gave you the key to his office, and instructed you to let yourself in. This couldn't be you, no.

Damn. Fucking, damn.

Fuck whoever this was. He could go fuck himself.

Clearing his throat, William put on his rehearsed friendly voice as he called out to the mystery person.

"Come in!"

The door clicking open and shut, William was greeted with a pleasant surprise, but not the one he was hoping for.

Henry.

William felt a little bad for thinking Henry should go fuck himself.

Henry was William's best friend. Hell, in a lot of ways, William's only friend. At least the only person that he considered to be a real friend. Aside from his bunny, Henry was the only person William allowed to be at least somewhat of himself around. Of course, the brit was never fully himself, no. He knew if Henry saw the real him, his American friend would want nothing to do with the brit. No, his true self was only reserved for you, little one. Because he just loved you that much. And you loved him just the same. But still, Henry was a close friend to William. They had known each other since William had first stepped foot in the states, all those years ago. William knew everything about Henry, and Henry knew all he needed to know. It was a nice friendship.

Stepping through the door, William noticed right away that Henry was slightly out of breath, sweaty too. Being a heavier-set man, Henry was prone to sweating every now and again, but the slickness in his fiery reddish-blond hair told William that he'd probably just stepped out of the Fredbear costume. Henry's glasses were fogged, but he seemed more preoccupied with catching his breath to care right now.

"Hey, Bill! Sorry to barge in." Henry chuckled to his friend, leaning against the cool surface of the wooden door, "I just had to get away from those kids out there."

William gave the man the most sympathetic smile he could, taking a puff of his cigarette, "Tough crowd, hm?"

Henry chuckled again, shaking his head, "Nah, just really excited to see Fredbear. They missed ol' Bonnie though, you know."

The brit breathed out a hum, "Well Bonnie had to file his restaurant's taxes this afternoon. And someone has to keep this place afloat, no?"

"Yeah, yeah. Thanks for taking care of that, by the way. I know how much you hate crunching the numbers."

"It's no big deal." William sat back in his chair, putting his feet up on the desk, "I'd argue you got the tougher job today out of anyone."

Henry laughed again, one of his signature belly-laughs, "Yeah, yeah, that's fair. How's it going, Bill? How're you?"

William knew that Henry was going to be keen on talking, so that meant not much time for smoking. The brit took one last puff of nicotine before tamping it out.

"Quite well, actually. You?"

"Oh, you know me! Same old, same old. How're the kids doing? I hear Mikey's getting along well in college these days! That's good for him, though. I remember how much he used to struggle. I told him though, he just needed to find his people, find what he's passionate about, yknow?"

William felt his jaw clench. The only thing his son was passionate about was making a mess of things.

"He's doing fine, yeah." William said, "Though he's hardly ever home long enough for me to ask these days. But, I haven't gotten a letter of expulsion. So I assume all is well, yeah?"

Henry laughed, "Definitely! And how 'bout lil' Evan and Liz? Jee, it's been forever since I've seen them two. They grow like weeds at this age, at least Charlie did. Bet they're huge now!"

William let his smile fall a little, "Actually, I haven't seen them much either."

"Oh? Really?"

"Really." William took his feet off his desk and sat forward in his seat, "Clara seems not quite as willing to let them come over these days, it seems. Something about Evan's nightmares popping up again. The robots seemed to frighten him more than I had realized."

Henry crossed his arms, "Ah, jee, Bill. I'm so sorry. I know you gotta miss 'em."

"I do. I know Clara has her reasons, but... Let's just say the house is a lot more quiet with just me and Mike in there, yeah?"

Henry seemed to finally catch his breath and stop sweating now, taking off his fogged glasses. Glancing between the brit and the lenses, the red-head used the end of his t-shirt to wipe the glass.

"Yknow, Bill," Henry began, "It's been about 8 years since you and Clara split. Maybe it's time to, yknow... get back out there. It's not too late, even for old guys like us. I'm sure the kids would understand, too. At least eventually they would."

William felt another smile threaten to creep up on his face. Oh, Henry. You poor soul. The brit appreciated the sentiment, but there wasn't any need to worry about him. At least, not now. Not anymore. William had his precious, adorable little bunny now. And they were everything the older man needed and more. All he'd ever need ever again.

Fuck.

He missed you. He missed you so fucking much.

Henry seemed genuinely worried for William, too. Not that Henry wasn't ever genuine. Aside from his bunny, Henry was the most genuine person William had ever met. Never had a bad word to say to anyone about anything. It allowed William to put some of his trust in Henry, and make him a friend.

The extent of that trust?

Enough to tell Henry about you. Or, at least, tell him a little bit about you. Henry didn't need to know the whole truth.

Just enough for William to stop missing you so much.

"Actually," William began, his smile finally spilling over onto his handsome features, "I have... met someone, you could say."

Henry looked to the brit with shock and amusement, his smile widening as he put his glasses back on, "No way, really?! Bill, that's great! I mean... wow! I didn't even realize you were looking!"

"Thank you. We only started... seeing each other this past weekend. But, I already like them quite a bit. They are... unlike anyone I've ever met before. We click, yeah?"

The American let out an amused chuckle, "Wow, I mean, that's amazing, man! What's their name? Where're the from?"

William knew that he couldn't give Henry your real name. This town was too small. If Henry didn't already know you, he'd find out who you were one way or another. And he wasn't ready for that yet.

"Their name is... Bunny. From... Vegas."

"Vegas, huh? Interesting! What're they like?"

William let out a hum from the back of his throat, picturing your little face in his head, "Everything I could ever want. Or need."

Henry laughed again, "Wow, sounds like you really like 'em!"

"I do. Though they're a busy person. It's... difficult for us to be together all the time. I miss them terribly."

"I can understand that. It was like that with me and the Mrs. for a while there. Especially when setting up this joint." Henry responded as he patted the doorframe for emphasis, "But! Yknow what really helped us back then?"

"Hm?"

"When the dust settled enough, we took a week away! Just her and I, and left Charlie with the grandparents. It really helped us, like, reassure each other that we were our biggest priorities. It's like we fell in love all over again! We still talk about it to this day!"

William felt his lips part as he listened to his friend. A week away, hm? Now that did sound intriguing. The idea of getting away from this shithole town and whisking you away somewhere private did sound nice. Somewhere nice and secluded, so it could just be you and him. No worries looming over your shoulders of being caught, or leaving some sort of trail behind. Somewhere where you didn't have to look over your shoulder, and fully be in the moment. Together.

The brit shifted his grey eyes over to the calendar at the front of his desk. Your fall break was coming up soon. Next week, to be precise. Would that be enough time to plan all of it out? Money wasn't an issue to William, not at all. But he just wondered if him and you could be away for a whole weekend without raising any eyebrows.

But, then again. College students rarely stayed around town that week. Hell, Michael would probably be even spending it a this mother's. That makes things more convenient. William could just say he needs to travel for business. And he could just get you to say that you were spending it away at distant relative's houses.

Yes, that could work.

But where would he take you? There's that national park upstate not too far away. Tucked away in the few woods that Utah had. William remembered taking his family up there once a long time ago, when Michael was still in high school. The only people there were a few other families, as well as the managers of the hotel site. And they wouldn't give a damn about anything that the two of you could possibly get up to, so long as things stay quiet and the checks cleared.

Though, if William gets you all to himself like that... it might be a bit hard to keep you quiet.

He wanted to hear just how loud his little bunny could get.

But, that could sort itself out later.

Henry was a smart man.

When William got back after next week, he'd have to thank him for the wonderful idea.

~~~

"A trip? Together? Will, don't you think that's a bit... risky?"

It wasn't until the sun had started to creep down the horizon the next day that you called. Although his talk with Henry had helped, William still missed you deeply during the time in between. His fantasies of you and the jacket that he stole could only keep him company for so long. He was just grateful that he had been home when you called, and that Michael wasn't there to ruin any more shit.

William didn't expect you to be so apprehensive about his little idea. He assumed that if he was the one that brought up something like that, you'd know that it was safe to do so. William is smart, little one. He's already thought every little detail through. Don't you trust him not to put you in any kind of danger?

He told you that you two would leave on Sunday, it being Thursday now. This would give you time to wrap up anything for school that you had outstanding, if any, and give him enough time to sort things out. The hotel reservation. Lying to everyone that he'd be on a business trip. Making sure that idiot Michael was tucked away at his mother's for the week. Plus, enough time for him to think of what the two of you would do up there, tucked away in the little corner of the woods.

Alone.

Without any prying eyes.

Oh bunny. If only you knew what he was capable of. When things were perfect like that. When things were how they should be.

"It's not risky at all, love." He responded to you, holding the phone up with his shoulder as he circled the number of the Hotel on the newspaper, "We'd be far enough away from town to where no one would recognize us. It's just a tourist destination anyway, bit run down, yeah? There'd be no one we'd know, just perhaps a few other passer-bys."

William could hear how you turned over in your bed from the other end of the phone, perhaps to prop yourself up on your elbows, "But what if someone is there? Like, how're we supposed to explain that?"

"Love, there's not going to be anyone there we know."

"Yeah, but... what if there is?"

William chuckled as he set the newspaper down, re-grabbing the phone from off his shoulder, "You worry far too much, bunny."

"Well I don't think you're worried enough, Will. This could be really dangerous for us..."

"But it won't be, (Y/N). I wouldn't have suggested it if I thought it'd be too dangerous. You know that."

You sighed, "I do, it's just..."

The brit shifted the phone to his other ear as he leaned his back against the wall, "What, love? You can tell me."

"It's just I don't wanna be, like... found out this early on. Like, what if someone really is there? And we can't see each other again because of it? And we'd have to go back home and pretend to be strangers again and it all gets, like, ruined and..."

You trailed off towards the end, but William understood what you were trying to say. Oh, sweet bunny. It's so cute you were so worried. But it wasn't anything to worry about in the first place, and perhaps you knew that deep down. You like to worry yourself silly, don't you, little one? Turns out you were far more paranoid than even William himself. Didn't that wear you out?

You need to calm down, bunny. William would never let anything stand between you and him. He loved you, and he'd fight for you until the bitter end.

"Bunny, listen to me, yeah?" The brit hummed, "Nothing is going to happen out there. I'll make sure nothing could possibly go wrong. And even if something did, it won't be anything for you to fret over, love. I'll take care of everything. I promise."

You fell silent for a few moments, but eventually let out a tiny sigh, the ruffling of your bed covers coming from the background again.

"Finneeeee." You breathed out, "But only if you're sure it'll be okay."

William felt his grin stretch across his handsome face, "I'm certain, little one. Just leave it all the me, yeah?"

"Where even is this place again? I've never heard of it before."

"It's only a few hours north of here. Kind of out in the middle of nowhere, but that just means no one will bother us with our... quality time."

The older man heard how you giggled over the phone, imagining the blush that came up on your cheeks, "Where'd you even hear of this place to begin with? You don't seem like the outdoors-y type. No offense."

"Ah, no, love, I'm not, but I used to take my kids up there every now and again. Back when we all still lived together."

"I see... Will, yknow, if you'd rather spend this week with them, I won't be offen-"

William chuckled again, "No, love, it's quite alright. Michael's too old for that sort of thing now, and the ex-wife is already taking the other two up to her mum's. Besides, I'd much rather be with you, anyway. I miss you, bunny."

"I miss you too, Will."

He let out a pleased hum, "Are you excited, love?"

"I am! I'm gonna start packing in the morning after my midterm."

"If you need any help, bunny, just give me a ring, alright?"

"I will, I will. Oh, and after we get back, just tell me how much everything was and I'll give you back half-"

William laughed again, amused by how cute you were, "Darling, please. There'll be none of that. I've got it all covered, sweet thing."

He heard you sit up in your bed, "Oh my god, no! Will, please, I can't ask you to do all that for m-"

"It's not an issue, bunny. Trust me."

"Still! That's a lot of money, and I can't just-"

The brit chuckled, "You can, love. I've got it all taken care of. Having you with me is payback enough, I promise. This isn't putting me out or anything. Just in this phone call I've made enough money to cover it two times over. Just be a good bunny for me, yeah? Let me spoil my sweet rabbit a bit. Think of this as just a little... honeymoon, of sorts. Alright?"

He could practically hear your blush from the other end, "O-Okay... Thank you, Will. Thank you very much, I... no one's ever been this kind to me before. So thank you."

"It's not a problem, little one. There's no need to thank me. This is just what you get when you're good for me, yeah? Do you understand?"

"I do."

"Good bunny. Though, if you really do want to say thank you, how about a nice kiss when I see you on Sunday, hm? Could you do that for me?"

You breathed out a smile, "Yeah, I can. Yes sir."

William let out another pleased hum, his smirk stretching even further, "Good bunny. It's getting late, little one. You should get some rest. We've got a long week ahead of us."

You ruffled around to where you were lying down again, "Yeah, you're right. Just... thank you again, Will. For everything."

"Of course, love. Anytime. Good luck on your exam tomorrow, yeah? I know you'll do fine. I'll see you Sunday, alright?"

"See ya Sunday, Will. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, bunny."

~~~

"Okay, Mike. Next one. The principle of conservation of momentum is a direct consequence of Newton's third law of motion. True or False?"

"Umm... false?"

"Mike! Come on, we learned this in high school!"

Michael groaned at his own cluelessness as you laughed at him for the umpteenth time today. It was Friday morning, much too early and much too cold to be cramming for a physics midterm. Yet, here Michael was.

With you.

The moment he locked eyes with you on campus, Michael had drug you away to your usual shared study-spot. Behind the old welcome center, which gradually had turned into a dumping site for any supplies or equipment the college didn't need anymore, but didn't bother to throw out. The cinder-block building made it much colder than it already was, but it was secluded. It always let the two of you be outside but without anyone threatening the join. You and Michael were a bit awkward. Not much of talkers to outsiders.

You were in your usual spot up on the ledge of the building. It was structured in a way in which part of the corner was cut out from the main walls. Originally intended for some sort of statue or monument, the corner was left empty once people lost interest in any sort of project being placed there. But, it made a nice little human-sized cubby to sit in. Your back was against the cold brick wall, with Michael sitting opposite you with his back on the stone as well. A flurry of old assignments and your books were strewn about in the narrow space between you and him, your legs tangled together in a bit of a mess.

Though you weren't in his physics class, you knew how much Michael struggled with it. Admittedly, he was never much of a math guy. Or any kind of school guy, really. But, you were. Michael knew you were a nerd. Even though you'd never admit it, you were. He'd joke about it to you every now and again, but deep down, admired that about you. You never needed to study much for anything. Or at least, not nearly to the magnitude he needed to.

That's why he didn't feel bad making you help him last-minute cram that morning. He knew you would be fine without studying for your test. Well, it was two birds with one stone, in a way. He both desperately needed the help, and desperately needed to know what was up with you.

He hadn't spoken to you since Monday of that same week, after his father had forced him to call you. Michael felt bad about potentially worrying you then, or even just calling you at such an ungodly hour, but he had decided it was ultimately for the best. He knew his father did some shit to you.

And he had to know what that shit was.

He knew that old man would rather finally croak than spill the beans, so he had to rely on you to give him answers. Seeing as you had most likely lied to him over the phone (not that he blamed you too much, he knew how manipulative the old geezer could be), he'd have to rely on his intuition as best he could. From the cues you gave.

But, that was the problem.

Although you hadn't lied to him before, nor really hid anything from him, turns you were damn good at it.

On Monday, he hadn't been able to pick up anything from you at all. You had greeted him and hung out with him like nothing was wrong. And hell, even now, you still were. You were your same old self. Just perhaps slightly... happier? More energetic?

That should be a good thing. Michael wanted to be happy for you.

But he knew something was up. It wasn't just a coincidence. And he needed to get to the bottom of it.

For you.

"This is all bullshit, anyway!" Michael exclaimed, running his hands though his long, feathered hair, "I didn't care back then about this shit, and I still don't now!"

You dropped the stack of flash-cards down to look at your friend square in his freckled face, "Mike, if you wanna be an engineer, you're gonna have to know Newton's Laws. It's, like, the main thing."

Michael scoffed, but not annoyedly, "Look, all I'm saying is, if they were really that important, I'd already know them."

The young man heard you laugh again, "Maybe if you already knew them you'd not be failing."

"I am not failing! I actually have a C this semester, thank you very much."

"Thaaaaat's nearly failing, Mike."

"Well thank god I've got the best tutor ever then, right?"

Michael felt himself smile to match your own, watching you roll your eyes playfully as you shuffled the flash cards in your hands, "It's just one more test then we're outta here. Then you can diss Newton all you want. But for now, we need to study."

Michael's grey eyes fell to the cards, silence falling over him. Right, fall break. He had forgotten all about it. He was gonna head up to his mom's house, with Liz and Evan.

But, his father...

"Hey," he said, "I never asked you. What're you doing for break?"

You glanced up at your friend at his question, only for your eyes to fall down to your hands again, "Actually, I'm gonna go outta town."

Michael shifted in his seat, "Out of town?"

"Yeah," you responded, "My grandma invited me to her place up state. I'm gonna spend the week with her."

"Where does she live?"

"I don't remember off the top of my head. But somewhere up in the woods."

The woods...

"What're you gonna do?" You asked him, catching the young man a bit off guard.

"Oh," he said, "I'm gonna go spend time with my mum and brother and sister. Probably the whole week."

Michael watched as you smiled at him, searching for any sort of hint behind your eyes, "That sounds fun. Hope you have a good time."

"Yeah... too bad my dad won't be coming."

Michael saw you glance up again at him.

"He won't?"

"Nah. Something about a business trip."

"That's understandable, though. Gotta do what you gotta do. I'm just surprised you'd miss him. It's not like you were ever his biggest fan."

Michael scoffed again, "Yeah. Maybe it's for the best."

"Yeah... maybe."

Silence fell over the two of you again, only broken by the shuffling of paper in your hands and the cool Utah air flooding through the trees in the distance.

Shit. Had Michael fucked it up? Was he being too direct? He never really talked to you too much about his relationship with his dad. At least, not in-depth, and nothing besides the occasional venting session. He'd have to explain every little nuance to you for you to get the whole picture. Of why he felt how he felt abut his old man. And he never wanted to unpack all that onto you. It wasn't fair. It wasn't your job to take care of him.

But, still.

He needed to get to the bottom of this.

"You think so too?" He asked, tearing your gaze away from the flashcards to focus on him.

"I mean," you said, "Things turn out how they do for a reason. Maybe it's just not time for a family reunion yet."

"Yeah, you're right... It's just, I kinda miss how things were before, yknow? When my mum and dad were still together."

"I can understand that. But, ultimately, it happened for a reason. And they probably did it because it just would've been best for you and your siblings. Better than just letting it... sit and brew, right?"

"I guess... So, does your grandma, like, live in a cabin or something? Is she a witch?"

You laughed, "No, no. Not a witch. At least from what I remember. And yeah I think it's a cabin. Or at least kinda like one. She rents it out occasionally, too."

A rentable cabin...

In the woods...

"For, like, tourists?"

"Or just any passers-by."

Michael felt his lips part at your words, a small pit forming in the bottom of his stomach.

The woods. The cabin. Your trip. His dad's trip.

Oh god.

Oh fucking god.

"Umm, Mike?" the young man heard you ask, briefly snapping out of his train of thought, "Are you good?"

Michael looked to you again and threw on his best smile, running a hand through his hair, "Shit, I'm so sorry, (Y/N)! I just remembered I agreed to study with Steven this morning. Sorry, but I gotta run!"

The young man stood up and threw all his things into his backpack quicker than he ever had before. He didn't even care how all his papers were being crumpled, and the bookmarks were flying out of the pages.

You watched him with a somewhat confused expression, "Uhhh, okay? I can come with if you-"

"No, no, it's alright!" Michael exclaimed, almost too quickly, "You've already helped me more than enough, thanks. I just really gotta run."

Once all his stuff was in, Michael threw his bag over his shoulder, not even bothering to zip it up, "I'll see you after break, alright? Have a good week, (Y/N). Enjoy your grandma's."

Michael heard you call out something back to him, but he was already trudged off in the opposite direction. He didn't look back, not even once, his grey eyes fixated to the ground.

They stayed there for a good long while.

Until his legs carried him to the pay phone, his arms searched through his pockets, his fingers put in the quarter, and dialed his mother's number.

~~~

When Sunday rolled around, William had spent a fuck ton of time getting ready that morning. A lot longer than he normally did.

The brit had hardly slept the night before. He was just way too excited about what was to come after the sun had risen. An entire week away. With his precious bunny at his side. Away from this fuckhole town. Away from all the idiots that lived here. Away from his business. Away from his lonely home. Away from Michael. Away from any prying eyes that might threaten to take you away from him.

No. Come that morning, he'd be able to get away from it all. And have you close to him. Where you should always be.

He had laid out his best outfit before settling into bed the previous night. The purple sweater-vest he loved so much, with his black tie, slacks, and dress shoes. all tied together with his light-purple dress shirt underneath, accented with his silver watch and class ring from his university. Staring at himself in the mirror for what felt like hours, he had finally gotten his brown-and-grey hair to fall as perfectly as he wanted. As he would expect for himself when seeing you. You were already perfect for him. The least he could do was be the same for you.

Before William marched out the door to his car, he made sure to give himself an extra spritz of his cologne. Just to be sure that you'd be able to memorize his scent over this week. He planned by the end to either give you a piece of the clothes he had packed for you to keep, or spray his own cologne on your clothes. To give you some sort of unconscious reminder of him. For when the week was over. He was leaning towards the latter, however. Easier to slip in, and more long-lasting.

He'd think about it. He had plenty of time to decide.

The older man had already packed everything he needed long before the weekend ever came. He wanted to make sure that he didn't forget anything. This week needed to go by as perfectly as possible. He knew he wouldn't be able to forgive himself if he fucked it up somehow. Sure, yes, you were his good bunny. You'd reassure him with your adorable smile that everything was okay. But it wouldn't be, bunny.

There was no room for fuck-ups this week.

None.

Even though, William was pretty sure he was about to fuck-up at any second right then.

You and him had agreed that he would be he one to drive the two of you to the hotel. More like William decided, but you didn't seem to protest too much. At least not that he could pick up on. But, with that, William knew that he'd have to help you carry your luggage. Over the phone, you didn't say as much. Not in any way that might embarrass yourself.

"It might be a little tough for me to haul my shit down the stairs." You told him over the phone, "So just be patient with me, alright?"

William smiled to himself as he recalled your little voice. Oh, bunny. His silly little bunny. There's no shame in asking William to help you, sweet thing. Wouldn't you like to see a display of his strength? See just how much he can lift without any trouble at all? Why'd you want to see that, bunny? To see how well he could throw you around during you and his playtime?

Naughty bunny. Naughty naughty bunny. Who knew your mind was so filthy?

The brit was waiting outside of your door for you to answer, the sound of the wind breaking between the trees and the gentle rumble of his car's engine filling his rosy ears. He had knocked a few minutes ago, and was trying to be as patient as possible for you to answer. William knew you were awake. If he was careful about it, he could hear you scurrying around your house in a mad dash. It was cute. And he was a patient man.

Normally speaking.

William found it hard to resist the urge to just kick down the door and scoop you up into his arms. He had missed you so fucking much in the days leading up to today. His heart ached for you. His body ached for you. Just like before, he could already feel himself starting to harden inside his trousers. Just in the excitement and anticipation of seeing you again. The heat on his cheeks was creeping down his neck, making him shudder in the cold morning air.

Fucking hell. He was glad he picked out black to wear again today. Any other color, and you would've noticed his hard-on. As much as he loved playing with his bunny, he wanted to just be sweet and loving with you today. Hold you close. Kiss those adorable cheeks. Fuck. He just wanted you near him; needed you near him. Your warmth against his was so addicting. He had gone far too long without it. The jacket he stole from you was fine, but it wasn't the same. It couldn't replicate the feeling of your chest against his. The feeling of your plush thighs overtop his own. The way your little fingers ran through his hair, and down his scars... Fuck, bunny. Fucking hell. How we wanted you to touch him again. How we wanted to touch you again. Your skin was so smooth and soft. The way his long, calloused fingers could just slide across your belly and thighs like it was nothing. The dip of your waist own to your hips, and how his hands fit so perfectly there. God fucking damn. And your cute little butt; god above how he loved it. How he could just-

Before William could fantasize any more, the door keeping him from you finally clicked open, ripping his gaze away from the trees in the distance. The older man felt his lips gently part, finally being able to drink in the sight of you again. After so long.

Even though you were awake, it looked like you hadn't been for too long. For one, you were still in your pajamas. And you hadn't even seemed to comb your hair yet. Or, if you had, whatever you were doing made it unkept again. you were smiling at him, but your adorable little eyes were still tired. He could see the faint dark circles that lingered under them, coupled with the sheen of redness from within.

He was really happy he wore black trousers that day.

"Morning, Will!" you said, your sleepiness still in your voice, "Sorry to keep you waiting, just gimme-"

Before you could finish your sentiment, William pushed himself through the door and slammed it shut behind him. You had taken a few steps back from his sudden barging-in, but he was quick to close the distance between the two of you, the surprise of it all lighting up your sleepy eyes. Snaking one of his arms around your middle, his other hand landing on your cheek, William closed the rest of the distance between you and him, capturing your sweet, soft lips into a kiss. You had let out a tiny hum of protest from his sudden movements, but quickly stopped as you eased in, reciprocating the older man's affections. As the kiss deepened, William gently was able to turn the two of you around, backing you up against the door with your shoulder blades flush against the wood.

Your hands eventually found their home on his shoulders, allowing himself to press further against you. He wasn't too sure if you could feel the hardness in his pants against your thigh or not, but he didn't fucking care. All that mattered was that you were here. You were in his arms again, after so fucking long. You hadn't gotten much better at kissing since the last time he saw you, but he didn't fucking care about that either. All that mattered was that they were your kisses. And it was him that got to kiss you.

Did you understand that, bunny?

Only he was allowed to kiss you.

Him.

And only him.

Because you were his sweet, adorable, sexy baby bunny.

You eventually had to pull away for air, but that didn't stop William's barrage of affection onto you. With no more access to your lips, the brit turned his attention to your neck, tilting his head down towards the soft flesh. He could feel how you gripped onto him tighter as he gave you quick, demanding little bites against the side of your windpipe, sucking on the skin every now and again. It wasn't until his hands started to wander under your shirt that you said anything.

"Will!" You exclaimed, a slight giggle in your voice, "Please! I missed you too, but calm down!"

The brit let out a hum against your neck, moving his hand back to your waist as he gave your collarbones a few more kisses, "I'm sorry, bunny. I just missed you... I missed you a lot."

You giggled again at him, "It's okay, I missed you too. I'm just really tired. I didn't sleep too well last night."

Tilting his head back up, William gave you a kiss to your blushy cheek before locking eyes with you again, brushing the hair away from your face.

"No?" He asked, admiring his precious bunny's adorable features. You were even cuter than the last time he saw you.

"Yeah, I was too excited. And I kept feeling like... I dunno. Like I was gonna forget something."

"I understand, love. I was in the same boat myself." He leaned down to you, pressing a quick peck against your lips, "You can sleep on the car ride if you want to, bunny. I won't mind."

"It's alright. I'm used to staying up anyway, but... thanks again, Will. For all of this. I just... No one's ever done something like this for me before. It's a little hard to believe this is, like, real."

The older man chuckled, giving you another quick kiss, "There's really no need to thank me, darling. I've already gotten all the thanks I need."

Breathing out another smile, you stood on your tip-toes to press one last kiss against his lips.

"I hate to ask you this, but..." you said, "I can't lift my suitcase enough to get it downstairs. Can you help me? Please?"

William smiled. You were just too cute.

"Of course, bunny."

"Thank you. Come on, it's upstairs in my room."

Even though he was reluctant to do so, William let you go out of his grasp, immediately feeling a lot colder without you close to him. Following behind you, he could already see how the fresh hickies he had given you were starting to form. Three bright red spots now lined the right side of your neck, marking you as his.

William couldn't help but smirk to himself.

Your house was smaller than William's was, and much more empty too. You had told him before that it was largely only you that lived there now. Your parents lived there too, but only when they were around. Which was next to never, their line of work having them over-seas a majority of the time. Even still, the house was a bit of a mess for only having one person living in it. Granted, it's not like you had to clean up if you didn't want to. You weren't trying to keep a tidy home for everyone else. While William was definitely more of a tidy person, he understood the mess. And, admittedly, found it a little comforting.

It was your mess, after all.

This feeling of comfort only magnified itself the closer you lead him to your room. The mess gradually got messier as he neared the door, and the items strewn about became progressively more personal to you. Papers turned to books. Books turned to albums. Albums turned to clothes. Clothes turned into your more... personal clothes.

Fucking Christ.

William wanted to steal some of those too.

But eventually, all of the different items eventually amalgamated into your room. Both you and him had to step over a few piles of things to get past the door, but he was the first to stop. He was positioned just a foot or so past your bedroom door, while you scurried off more towards the back of it all.

"Sorry about all the mess," you said over your shoulder, "I meant to clean up before you came, but... I slept through my alarm."

William looked down to his feet at your words, kicking over a pile of your clothes gently to investigate its contents, "It's alright, love. I've seen much worse."

"Just wait there for a sec. I need to pack a few more things first."

William took this as a cue to further his investigation into your room. Honestly, it wasn't quite what he expected. Although, he had never really given any thought into how it might've looked. But regardless, he found himself quite fond of it.

Because it was just so... you.

It had all your favorite things in it. The posters on the wall of your favorite bands. The pictures of you and your family. A few art pieces that seemed just a bit aged. All the little trinkets and knick-knacks that lined shelves full of books you liked. The clothes you liked strewn about the ground. Album covers. Old movie ticket stubs. Your schoolwork. Your sheets. Your stuffed animals. Your scent.

It was like William had stepped inside of your mind.

And he fucking loved it.

Why didn't he think of this sooner? Coming into your room? He would've been able to learn so much more about you so much quicker than he had. Instead of pestering his dumbass son, he could've just come here all along. Oh god. Oh fucking god. This was all too much. He was surrounded by you. Everywhere he looked was something to remind him of you, because everything was you. Fucking hell. It smelled just like you too. And your bed. Your fucking bed. Just inches away from him, the place where you slept at night whilst away from him. The very thing that housed all your dreams, your phone calls, your tears, your study sessions, your pleasure. Did you think of him in there, bunny? How many times has his name echoed off of those walls? How many times have you imagined him there with you? Did you picture him slipping on top of you in that bed? Did you fantasize about his hands roaming up and down your body there? Did you? Was it his lips you imagined on your flesh? His voice you wanted to whisper in your ear?

Oh it was bunny. He knew it was. Just like he had done for you, in his own bed.

William was grateful to hear your voice again from the other side of the room. He was worried he might have another accident if he hadn't been stopped.

"Like what you see?" You asked him, shoving a few last-minute things into your suitcase.

The brit cleared his throat before responding to you, "I do actually, yes."

He hard you scoff playfully, "You don't have to humor me, Will. I know you're a neat-freak."

"No, no, I do like it, bunny." He reassured you, "It's very... you."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"A good thing, of course."

You chuckled, "Well I guess it makes sense. I've had the same room since the day I was born."

William felt one of his brows raise, "You've never moved?"

"Nah. This house has been in the family since, like, the 20s or something. I've never been outside of Hurricane, actually."

The older man felt his bewilderment grow, "Never?"

"Never ever. Other than a Disney trip when I was a baby, but I don't remember anything from it so it doesn't count. This trip will be my first time out of the city."

"Is that so... Well, I'm honored to be your first, bunny."

You chuckled again, "You're a lot of my firsts, Will."

William smiled to himself. Indeed he was, little bunny. Just like how it should be. You'd never need another man in your life, anyway. Not anymore, not after being his now. Isn't that all you'd ever want?

This trip was going to be good for you. He knew it would.

"Well I'm honored to be all of them."

~~~

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's me."

"Oh, hey, sugar. What's up?"

"I have an update. On what's going on."

"Already? That's good, I just didn't expect somethin' so soon. Especially with him."

"Yeah, me neither, but... I think it might be worse than we thought."

"Worse how, baby?"

"Do you remember that old hotel place up state? We used to vacation to, like, before?"

"Oh God, don't tell me..."

"Yeah. I'm pretty sure they're heading there this weekend."

"I understand. I can get there before them if I leave tonight. Will you be here by then? To watch the kiddos?"

"Yeah, I will. What do you want me to tell them?"

"Just say I'm visiting their Auntie for a day or two and you're gonna watch them. I'll leave some money out on the counter for pizza, and there'll be some leftovers in the fridge. Just keep an extra eye on your brother, pumpkin. Poor thing's been having bad dreams again."

"Does he know?"

"No, I haven't told either of them. Probably won't, if I'm bein' honest."

"That's probably for the best. Just wait until they're older. I can't imagine trying to explain it to them now."

"They still love him, baby. It's better not to break their little hearts all over again."

"I know, I know, just... I wish they could know the truth. I feel like I'm lying to them."

"You're not, sugar. You're just protectin' them. They're just kids, pumpkin pie. Let 'em believe their daddy is a good man just a little bit longer."

"But he isn't. That's the thing. He's already fucked us up, now he's fucking my best friend up."

"I know, sweetie, I know. But we'll get it all fixed up, I promise you. Save 'em before it's too late 'n all."

"Yeah... yeah, you're right, I just... I'm sorry. I'm just worried."

"I know you are, I am too. But worryin' isn't gonna solve anythin'. Not right now. I'll be up there before sunrise tomorrow. I'll take care of it, sugar. Just try and enjoy your break in the meantime."

"Are you going to need any help? I can bring Liz and Ev up to Grandma's for a little."

"I don't think so. The restrainin' order should scare him off enough, but I'm gonna wait until I can get your little friend alone just to be sure."

"Okay... only if you're sure."

"Positive, baby. Don't you be worryin' about me, now. This ain't my first rodeo with him."

"Heh, yeah... You're right. As usual."

"Should I mention you when the time comes?"

"If you want. (Y/N)'s gonna figure it out quickly, anyway, so..."

"Okay."

"Thank you again. For all of this, I... I don't know what I'd do without you. I can't win against him."

"It's no trouble at all, sugar. Anything to keep it from happenin' again."

"Yeah..."

"Good luck on your test, baby. I gotta go start packin' now, okay? I love you, Mikey. Everything's gonna be fine."

"I love you too, mum. Thanks."

~~~

tags: @guinea-pig16 @the-official-memester @randomwriteralan @mrsrogerwaters @lalyaaftonshit @cherry-slushee @insert-memical-username @mrssafton @horrorking2000 @artist-anon08 @tuttifuckinfruttifriday @jamiethenerdymonster @kimyona-san @purplewolfcoffee @violetlmfaoo @reapersimps @wawuwe @lovinglenore @zoey5252

apologies to any blogs tumblr wont let me tag!! also if i forgot to add you please let me know!!

#william afton x you #william afton smut #william afton x reader #william afton #dave miller x reader #fnaf x y/n #fnaf x you #fnaf x reader #fnaf smut

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diamondcitydarlin · 7 months

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i think probably the worst part of the whole thing is that I just don't really care anymore, the investment I had at the end of season 1 just straight up no longer exists. no, it's not just bc a blorbo got killed off (and there's a lot of reasons to be angry about that), it's mainly bc most of the characters at this point feel like hollow shells of who they were a season ago, including the stede x ed pairing as a whole (which I really just don't care about anymore at all, sorry). and no it's not bc 'Izzy got all the development and there was no time for anyone else' like of course there was time for everyone else, provided that they hadn't opened the season on all those characters making 180 character changes with no real explanation, provided they hadn't overloaded the damn season with nonsense that goes nowhere. JimxOlu was my OTP after StedexEd in season one, both of them were some of my faves, and not only did neither of them even really resemble who they were in s1, their relationship which was of such great importance in the former just suddenly...is something else now. Not people in love, but 'friends who have fucked once lol' and are wingmen for each other now because...??? Oh but Jim's dating Archie who...*checks notes* was in a Snake Cult? I think? That's about all we get on her, apart from the fact that she likes making out with Jim I guess. And I guess Zheng can't just be a powerful woman character that exists in this narrative without a romance of her own, so let's just toss her together with Olu and never explore or explain that with any kind of depth. Jim has neither trust issues anymore nor do they have ANY interest or investment in their revenge scheme or the Siete Gallos (REMEMBER THAT PLOTLINE?? REMEMBER?? APPARENTLY THE WRITERS DON'T) they're just kind of goofy all the time now for no reason. Olu's leadership arc? His being a confidant to Stede? Where the fuck did any of that go? Are they all a polycule or are they all just separate couple friends? IDK WHO CARES THIS IS HOW IT IS NOW I GUESS. Like, why am I supposed to care about any of that? It doesn't even feel like the characters I watched before.

And StedexEd. Jfc there's so much to say that other people have said better but the constant bringing up of conflicts, breakups, and then immediately resolving those issues with heartfelt reunions/kissing as if that's supposed to be sufficient got really old for me after awhile. The lack of explaining how their 'whim-prone' romance to this point was bad, the lack of explaining how they reconcile their different goals was also bad, but oh they can just go RUN AN INN NOW! Yay happily ever after! ????? "Ed, you've got family" which he immediately leaves to go try another life path he's probably going to suck at and hate WOW so romance. Like either figure it out or break up for good, it just makes them an obnoxious toxic couple who never seem to communicate or bother to try but are supposed to be the one we love the most and are rooting for. And that sucks, because I loved them once! GARBAGE!

There's only so much blame one can put on external factors for this. I worked in production once, I edited scripts and was a go-between for notes and writers, and this is the exact kind of thing I would've felt compelled to point out; we only have x amount of time and x amount of episodes to properly tell these stories, we know this, so maybe lets be realistic about what we can fit in here and do justice and what we can't. Maybe let's not just throw every fucking thing we think of at the wall to see what sticks while completely ignoring/retconning character traits and stories we set up in season 1. But nah, that's what happened!

Like, what is there to watch for at this point if s3 gets greenlit? I fail to find anything that I'd care about seeing continued, even the peripheral characters like Frenchie and Wee John and Roach, whom I also loved before and still do but barely did anything, so I guess I can tune in to watch them do more of nothing? Idk man it sucks when it's not just 'wow that was bad I hope next season is better' but instead 'wow that was so boring and incohesive I have no more interest or emotional investment in this to continue'

#ofmd critical #were there good moments in s2? of course #was it on the whole kind of an overpacked incoherent nightmare? yes #was it a fitting continuation of the s1 story? absolutely fucking not #posting in this tag so that hopefully the toxic positivity crowd doesn't get offended lol

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starrylayle · 2 years

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Soman’s failed POC and Queer rep in the SGE saga — And why criticism is essential to the movie (franchise)

[repost]

Before I start though, I’d like to say that if you have any argument about forced representation, dni. I don’t give a shit that ur faves aren’t white anymore — and please stop fucking harassing Soman and the cast about this non-issue.

Now onto the racial criticism of Soman’s work, which I don’t see talked enough about.

Being a person of colour does not mean you are exempt from racial criticism. I’m sure this is known by now, but in the books, literally everyone is white. Like EVERYONE. And not only that, the beauty standards he portrays and tries to critique (but then fails miserably at unfortunately) are so Eurocentric it’s quite disheartening actually - pale skin, small noses, coloured eyes, etc. The themes are also quite Eurocentric as well — if you had told me that the books were written by a white author, I would believe you.

Now, I’ve always given him the benefit of the doubt here, considering he was writing a middle grade series as a marginalised author, which was a lot more difficult at the time, and because he does genuinely try to improve his POC rep in the later books (even if that does include retconning character’s previous descriptions lol). In that same vein, the cast is also noticeably more diverse, and I truly applaud Soman for that. However, he has not said anything in regards to the racism the cast have been getting, which considering his influence on the fandom, would have been much appreciated. (The only casting choice he actually spent some time defending was brunette Tedros 💀💀 — like mate, get your priorities together!). Also, since whiteness is quite intrinsic to the core themes of the story (I’ll make a separate post on that later), I worry that the movie will unintentionally be pushing it. And if that’s the case, people should be allowed to critique this (hypothetical) poor depiction of race, without it being considered racist. (As previously mentioned — this excludes those fucking weirdos who just hate on the cast coz their faves aren’t white anymore 🙄🙄)

Ok so, in regards to the queer-coding/queer-baiting:

Just like being a POC doesn’t mean u can’t have internalised racism, being queer doesn’t mean u can’t have internalised homophobia, especially to other members of the community. I don’t know why exactly Soman struggles with writing queer rep so much (I mean I can understand in 2013 — but now plenty of middle grade books include queer characters), but he barely has any canon gay rep.

Tristan/Yara, who is not even specified whether they are gay or trans, is one of the first characters to die, with absolutely no resolution to their arc whatsoever - and their queerness is never mentioned again. The next confirmed queer couple are two backgrounder guys who barely have any significance to the story. The couple after that are two evil white boys, who are only confirmed to be queer after they both die. They are are the only relevant gay characters at this point — yet ofc they’re dead, white and evil. This wouldn’t be a problem if there were other (good) queer characters, but since that is not the case, it just comes off as rather… icky.

Now notice how all these couples, as poorly written as they are, are all (white) gay men? There are hints that Hester and anadil might be in a relationship, but it’s never explicitly confirmed.

In addition, sophie and Agatha are explicitly queer coded — (I made a post about it on my acc for anyone’s interested) — they even kiss!! Of course people are going to be mad that they were baited into a relationship that ended up being incesteous! Especially, ESP, considering that Agatha is now a Black girl in this adaptation. We barely see any white canon wlw couples in media — Black sapphics are almost unheard of in the mainstream, especially as leads. first kill, one show that featured a Lesbian Black girl lead (a Dark-skinned one at that!)— got cancelled. And this happens all the time. Lesbians/sapphics, esp sapphics of colour, ESP Balck sapphics are barely given any time of day in our media in favour of centring gay white men in queer narratives, and thus they have every right to be upset at the queer baiting.

I’m not Black, but as a queer woman of colour, Agatha’s character has always been very special to me. I’ve always thought she should be a POC considering how different her and her mum are from the rest of her cookie-cutter village, and queer because she did not fit into conventional notions of femininity. It would be so awesome to see Agatha, a queer woman of colour, as the lead in a high-budget fantasy series. But alas, that is too many marginalised identities for the general audience.

Not only that, the twin reveal was just plain bad writing. It had absolutely no bearing at the story whatsoever and is never mentioned again. It was just done purely for shock value, and for that, I will absolutely critique Soman.

I know that this discourse is tired and worn out — and understandably so, it’s been years. However, now that this movie is approaching mainstream — At worst, this queer baiting can already add to the whole ‘lesbian relationships aren’t serious’ and other terrible stereotypes. At best, it deprives sapphics of much needed representation in mainstream fantasy films.

Remember, unlike with the books, we as fans have the power to influence the story. If the creators see how unpopular the twist is with the public, they can probably change it. We can make a difference! Btw, this doesn’t mean sophie and Agatha should be endgame — I’d like for them to be in a short term relationship and be confirmed as canonically queer — Tagatha can still be the end couple! (Not hophie tho, coz sophie is a lesbian and I despise Hort lol).

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arealphrooblem · 1 year

Text

Terms of Surrender -- The End!

So I already had the ending written a long time ago and decided to finish it up since I left you guys on such a bad cliffhanger lol. Thank you for all the enthusiasm for this fic, I really did not think anyone would read it lol.

Summary: The queen of a doomed city makes the deal her husband refused to make with the conquering warlord outside her city's gates

Part one here

Part five here

The Queen leaned back against the molded, damp walls of the cell and tried to find the relief. She had always expected to be here and now she finally was. Away from sunlight, time passed and did not pass. Time did not exist. She could not say if she had sat there for a day or a week.

The cut on her neck stung each time she swallowed. The urge to pick at the scab felt overwhelming at times, and only the fear of infection in this filthy cell kept her from touching it.

Eventually someone would come to torture her for information on whatever scheme her husband’s friend had planned. She had no information to give and she wondered idly if they would kill her for her perceived stubbornness or if she would make up an elaborate lie in order to broker for any relief.

The fear of it glowed dully through the fog of her apathy, so faint she barely acknowledged it. In fact, she almost welcomed the opportunity to get it over with. She did not blame the Warlord for not believing her. As the last remaining heir to her family’s name, she was a beacon for anyone resisting his rule. Just as she thought her lush captivity too good to be true, he must have thought her surrender and cooperation too good to believe. How easy would it have been for her to merely bide her time and lure him into false security?

She had no way to explain herself that did not sound like a desperate, self-serving lie. That felt more unbearable than her impending execution: that she would die with the Warlord thinking she was nothing more than a manipulative snake, that their strange but beautiful connection was all in his head.

And yet she could do nothing about it. Except wait.

His guards collected her at dusk. She knew it was dusk because they took her out of the cell, out of the dungeon, and to her old rooms. A bath was run for her, two foreign maids (or perhaps not foreign anymore now that their two countries were joined) scrubbed her without mercy.

This felt crueler than actual torture. What was the game here? Did the Warlord want to lure her into false security before he ripped it from her again? Would she be shuttled from cell to room over and over again until she lost her sanity?

Once they bathed and dressed her in her old, simple linen gowns, the Queen was instructed to wait.

The Warlord joined her soon after. He looked at her with guarded suspicion, his eyes as impenetrable as the city walls. She looked away.

“My men have committed a full investigation,” he announced quietly, sitting across from her. “The guard you conspired with had not appeared in the castle before the day he left with you. You had received no communication, no visitors, and you had not left your rooms. If you conspired with this enemy, you were very sneaky about it.”

If. Not when. It gave her hope, and the hope terrified her more than anything else. She said nothing, afraid to ruin it.

“Of course, you know this palace better than any of my men. You are intelligent and quiet and cooperative enough to have earned their trust and mine. It’s not impossible for you to help plan a rebellion under my nose.”

“No, it is not impossible,” she admitted, daring another look at him. “But I did not do it.”

He looked at her for a long moment, with that unnervingly penetrating gaze. She struggled not to shy away from it.

“When you came to me that night for surrender, what was your worst fear?”

The question surprised her. She could not guess his angle, but answered honestly regardless. “That you would execute me on the spot and then murder my people in their homes come morning.”

“And yet you came anyway. You gave your city to me regardless. Why? If death was inevitable, why not fight until the bitter end? Or join your husband and avoid it all together?”

A small, desperate hope had driven her actions that night. A reckless hope that inspired an insane decision she would never have made under any other circumstances.

“When I first heard your terms for our surrender they sounded very generous to me,” she answered slowly. “They did not sound like the ideas of a man bent on our destruction. I had a hope that, despite what followed, you could still be that man.”

“A leap of faith,” he said softly. “You risked everything on the small hope that you could trust me.”

This time she tried to give him a penetrating look of her own. It felt like trying to find the bottom of a murky river. He was much more skilled at hiding his thoughts than she was with hers.

“Why are you asking me questions you already know the answers to?”

He took a measured pause before answering. “I am trying to remind myself of what I know you have done. Of what it took from you.”

“I do not regret it.”

“Even now?” His eyebrow quirked upwards.

“Even now.”

She meant those words deeply. The Warlord had done more for her city and her people in two months than her husband did in his entire reign. She did not fault him for his lack of trust in her because only a fool would blindly trust their former enemy and captive. But she had no idea how to make herself believable.

“No matter how short our acquaintance may be, you have given to me far more than you have taken,” she said. If he believed anything she said, please let it be this.

The wall of his gaze cracked just a little to reveal a hint of pain, of longing. “I don’t understand how you can say that.”

“You don’t know what my life was like before you,” she said simply.

Such a statement stunned him into silence. He looked at her as if she’s a battle ground he can’t figure out.

“Why did you bring me back here?” she asked, wondering if he would lie to her. “Is this some mind game you’re playing before you have me tortured?”

He looked at her in surprise. “How underhandedly cruel you must think me to come to that conclusion.”

He sounded almost offended.

“No other conclusion makes sense. You are convinced of my guilt, regardless of the truth. I should have been tortured for information by now, and slated for a morning hanging.”

“I should have done that,” he agreed, and something in her gut curdled at the sound of it. “If you were anyone else, I would have done that. But . . .you took a leap of faith for me. I feel I owe you the same.”

“A leap of faith?”

“I will take us back to our original arrangement — with extra precautions — as a show of trust. Just like the one you gave me when you surrendered. You will not return to your cell. You certainly will not be tortured. But know this: even a whiff of suspicion will be enough for me to gut you myself. I cannot have my reign threatened. Not even by you.”

The only thing that kept her knees from buckling in relief is the rigid disbelief that tightens her insides like a bow string. The risk of believing him could cost her much indeed, in both body and heart. And she was very tired.

“You don’t believe me,” he said with that knowing glint.

“It doesn’t sound very believable.”

He stepped towards her until he was close enough to take her hands in his. His long, rough fingers closed around her wrists.

“I’m still not completely convinced of your innocence. But your company is worth the risk of my trust. Whatever has happened . . I very much enjoy your presence.”

He squeezed her wrists, as if in reassurance, and she could not hide the wince of pain. And of course it did not escape his gaze.

“Did I hurt you?”

“No,” she said quickly — too quickly by the way his eyes narrowed. “It’s just . . .a bruise.”

“A bruise? You were not in chains.”

He held up her arm and pulled the sleeve down to reach the delicate skin of her wrist, still mottled purple and yellow.

The temperature in the room seemed to drop.

“How did you get this?” He asked softly, dangerously.

The Queen swallowed tightly. She feared how much this reminder would erode what little camaraderie they’d gained back. “A bruise,” she said. “ . . .from when they took me.”

His gaze roved up her arms to her collarbone, her face, scrutinizing every inch of her. It caught on the small, scabbed cut on her neck and all the breath in her lungs froze. On instinct she tried to cover it with her hand but he batted it away.

“What gave you this?”

“A knife.”

“A knife,” he repeated flatly. “Held at your throat.”

Anger fell over his features like a storm, crackled like lightning in his eyes. He looked more terrifying than she had ever seen him, even when he gutted his own guard. She braced herself for his sword or even his hands around her throat. Instead, he turned around and walked briskly to the window, hands in tight, shaking fists at his side.

The Queen’s heart and her hope disintegrated to ash in her chest. For the second time, tears fell in the Warlord’s presence. She could not stop them even if she wanted to.

Even a whiff of suspicion will be enough for me to gut you myself.

“Will you please just kill me,” she whispered, begging. “You will never trust me and I cannot live with your fear hanging over my head like a sword, waiting for the moment it will finally fall. If any respect for me remains, you would —“

“Stop.” He did not need to shout for his voice to echo like thunder. She felt it in her chest.

The Queen clenched her jaw tightly closed, body trembling, crying as she had not done since she was a little girl. It humiliated her. She covered her face with her hands, biting her lip to muffle herself. How weak and pathetic he must think of her. How stupid she was to fall in love with someone who could only ever think of her as their enemy.

Suddenly his hands were upon hers, pulling them gently away from her face. She had not even heard his approach. The Queen did not dare look him in the eye.

“I am not angry at you,” he said softly.

He tipped her chin up and forced their eyes to meet. The anger in his gaze had melted into deep, derisive shame.

“I am angry at myself. You would not have those wounds unless you resisted your own capture. And if you gave them to yourself on purpose you would not have try to hide them from me.”

His thumb brushed over the pulse of her wrist, as delicate as a puff of air. “I have been a fool. I have treated you with cruelty and dishonor.” He snorted with derision. “I offered you my forgiveness, thinking myself so magnanimous, when I should be begging for yours on my knees. I would now, if I thought I was worthy of it. But what I have done to you is unforgivable.”

He released his gentle hold on her and stepped back. The raw emotion on his face slipped back behind a calm, diplomatic mask. “Where would you like to go? I will send you anywhere, and make sure you want for nothing, and you will never have to worry about the sword of my fear hanging over your head again.”

He could not have offered her a more undesirable outcome. She swallowed back tears, trying to compose herself.

“If I had a choice,” she said shakily, “then I would stay here. With you.”

He gave her a pained look. “You do not have to be afraid to leave. I know I have broken your trust, but I do promise with all the honor I have left that nothing would happen to you.”

“I’m not afraid to leave,” she told him. “I just don’t want to. This is my home. And . . .”

“And?” he prompted.

She hesitated at the thought of revealing her final secret. But the worst had already happened between them. What else did she have to lose?

“And I love you.”

The confession horrified him. He flinched.

“You are my prisoner,” he said. “Ten minutes ago you were begging me to kill you. I put you in a dungeon cell.”

“I have had a happier time as your prisoner than I ever did in my marriage,” she pointed out.

He winced. “I hate it when you say things like that. It makes me furious that I did not have the pleasure of murdering your husband with my bare hands.”

“My apologies,” she said without meaning it. “I harbor no expectations that you could return my feelings. I just . . .thought you should know —“

“Marry me.”

This threw her. “ . . . What?”

To her utter shock, the Warlord sank to his knees, looking up at her beseechingly.

“Marry me. . . .please.”

“Why?” she faltered. “Why would you want me? Wouldn’t you marry someone of your own court?”

“There is no one better suited than you and I would have no other. You are careful, intelligent, and kind. You know this city and its needs. You have helped me immensely thus far even in your limited capacity. And . . .I love you.”

Now this felt too good to believe. Never before had someone expressed love to her with such raw sincerity, such simplistic purity. She wanted so badly to believe it.

The Queen knelt in front of him, searching the beloved features of his face.

“Not an hour ago you thought I had conspired to overthrow you,” she said softly. “Now you want to marry me. I do not understand it.”

“You do not trust it,” he corrected, again seeing the heart of her.

“I want to.”

“An hour ago I was a fool and a coward,” he said, not shying away from her gaze despite the disgust in his own eyes. “I am unworthy of you, I fully admit it. But if you will stay with me, then you will be my equal. No more of this captivity. You have put your life in my hands and now I will gladly put my life in yours.”

He reached out and delicately traced the line of her jaw. “I am not a man who makes the same mistake twice,” he murmured. “But if you will not have me, the offer stands to care for you anywhere in the world.”

Though she understood it, his distrust of her cut her deeply. Part of her hesitated, afraid the rug of their relationship might be pulled out from under her yet again. But the Warlord had always kept his word, and she would rather have a life cut short with him than a long one without him.

“I will have you,” she said.

A smile of soft, pure joy bloomed across his face, the sight as stunning as the sunrise. He leaned forward, capturing her face in his hands, and pressed his forehead against hers. Breathing her air.

“We will make this world a place where we can be happy,” he promises.

And they did.

If anyone is curious, I was heavily inspired by Netflix's Rise of Empires: Ottoman season 1. I loved the actor who played Mehmed II and he was in my head as the warlord this whole time. It's a great series!

Taglist:

@cesspitoflove @aprilraine @talesofurbania1 @sarcasticlittlebook @hasel-anne @weaverofbrokenthreads @prismaticpizza @tantive404 @newfangled-artistry

#hero x villain #fantasci tumblr #enemies to lovers #my writing #terms of surrender

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blade-that-was-broken · 2 days

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I think I like the idea of Floyd happens to be in town for a gig, decides to go pay bruce a visit at his resort. Bruce is out at the moment doing something, Floyd asks one of the employees ( a newbie) for his brother but bc he doesn't know that jd there. They get JD instead. It takes him a minute but then wait are john dory?

Floyd? Bam reunion plus tears plus mini freak out when he realized jd leg is gone.

HAHA

I'll level up. Idk if this is REALLY what happens but let's see what I can do. I just can't quite make up my mind cause I kind of like the idea of things being linked with some music stuff but I'm also uncertain.

So I don't know what actually happens but I decided I'd use this prompt and word vomit something up anyways lol

Floyd didn't talk to any of his brothers much anymore.

It wasn't on purpose; it wasn't because of any anger or resentment or anything like that. He was just so busy, traveling so much, constantly on the move that it was difficult to find time for even a phone call when any one of them wasn't busy with something else. Branch was in school when Floyd had a lunch break. Clay was very often stuck in a lab or experiment when Floyd was about ready to go to bed - usually with the time difference. Bruce's full attention was constantly on his slew of young kids, wife and resort. It was a struggling process, but he had grown into mostly writing letters to his brothers rather than trying to catch them on the phone. It wasn't the best way of communication but at least he got more than a minute or two to talk to them and find out what was going on in their lives.

Floyd hadn't been to Bruce's resort in a couple of years. He hadn't seen him in a while. Any of his brothers really. It was a bit embarrassing, and Floyd was kind of ashamed of it. He was so busy, he barely had time for any of his brothers, especially Branch.

Even though there was a nine-year difference and a lot of times that kind of age gap made things difficult, Floyd tried to get along with his little brother the best he could. It was easy for a long time; his little brother just loved being around him. It didn't matter what they were doing but over time, as Branch got older, as Floyd had less time, things were far less easy.

Floyd wasn't even sure the last time he had seen his little brother face to face. It wouldn't be long until he graduated. He had to make sure he was there for that. Maybe he could get a hold of Branch or Gramma to see if there were any upcoming events, he could try to attend for him.

He was lucky, now, that his manager had managed to snag a gig in Hawaii. It wasn't super close to his brother's resort but at the very least, it was on the same island of Molokai, so he made his way to his brother's place of business.

He walked up towards the desk. There weren't many people around but Floyd couldn't quite recall the young woman at the desk. She was probably a bit younger than Floyd even. Then again, that wasn't strange. Although the turnover rate wasn't bad compared to other resorts and hotels, Floyd hadn't been here in years.

"Hi!" he greeted, leaning against the desk. "I don't think we've met? Or if we have I am so sorry, it's been a while since I've stopped by."

"We haven't..." the desk clerk looked at him a little confused.

"My name is Floyd," he replied with a smile.

The clerk blinked. "Oh. Yeah, I've heard about you." She had a bit of an accent, something from a southern area but Floyd wouldn't be able to know what it was. Her hair was pulled back and her attire neat but colorful. She looked like she fit right in, although Floyd didn't think she was a native of the island.

"I'm looking for my brother?"

The clerk looked up, a little confused. "Which one?"

There was no way that Clay was here visiting Bruce. Floyd was pretty sure Clay had never set foot on the island before. And Gramma wasn't really in a place to travel, much less to Hawaii so the chances of Branch, of all people being here were slim to none. "Uh... the one that is here?" his voice came out unclear and even more confused than the clerk.

A younger man came up to him, bringing a stack of papers and a snack. He was dressed in military fatigues, but he had no qualms about approaching. "Hey, I'm gonna be headin' off," the young man said, barely acknowledging Floyd. His accent was about the same as the woman's, although he was a little surprised by the attire. He seemed a little young to be in the military. "I already said my goodbyes to everyone else, but it shouldn't be long until I'm back, okay?"

"I understand," the woman replied, nodding. "I'll be okay, I promise."

"You'll be taken care of here," he added.

"I will take care of him too," she replied, knowingly.

The man finally looked over at Floyd, as if just noticing he was there. His head tilted a little. "You kinda look familiar."

"I'm Floyd," he started.

The young man looked surprised and then looked over at the desk clerk, as if for confirmation. "He's looking for his brother. Do you know where he is?"

"He's outside. I just saw him," the man said and didn't wait to dial a number on his phone. "Sir?"

Sir? Floyd had never known Bruce to be so formal and demanding of titles with his employees. He didn't think he had ever heard anyone call his brother sir.

"I'm at the front desk with Tam," he continued, calmly. "Yeah, I'm about to head out. There is a Floyd here to see you. Do you want me to make him go to you? I know it's not...okay, yeah. I suppose the practice would be beneficial, considering," he said in the phone, although he frowned a little.

Afterwards he hung up.

"He'll be here in a few minutes," the man said, shouldering a bag. It must have been on the floor before. "I have to go, otherwise I'm going to miss my flight. Stay out of trouble, okay?"

The woman - Tam? - nodded. "Of course. Good luck. Be careful."

"Uhm, thanks," Floyd said awkwardly as the man started to leave. "Do you... do you mind if I have a name?"

The man looked over at him curiously. "Oh. Right. Tresillo. Sorry, but I gotta go."

"Right, thanks."

And with that, he was gone. Floyd turned back to the desk, the woman typing on the computer like nothing happened although he did notice there was a bite missing from the snack she had been brought. "You can go sit down," she said, not glancing up at him. "It's going to be a few minutes. He's still getting used to moving."

Floyd had literally zero idea what that meant but he went and took a seat in the lobby, starting to scroll on his phone. He wasn't sure how long he waited for bit he heard some strange clacking on the tile floors. He thought nothing of it at first.

"Yeah. He said his name was Floyd and he was looking for his brother," he heard the desk lady say. "He's over there, John."

John?

Floyd asked for his brother.

Bruce's name was not John. Neither was Clay or Branch's.

Floyd's head swiveled towards her; nose scrunched in confusion, standing up at the same time. There was a stocky built man at the desk near her, short dark hair, dressed in shorts and a funky Hawaiian shirt. It wasn't abnormal, by any means.

There was something abnormal, that was for sure, but Floyd was trained too much on the man's face to actually notice anything else. He looked so eerily familiar. In fact, if Floyd didn't know any better, he might have thought it was Branch as an adult, dying his hair a little lighter and getting in some kind of crash or something. A large chunk of his face was scattered in still healing scars. Floyd stood up and walked over, a bit confused. It was probably fairly evident, considering the man could barely meet his eyes.

"Hi Floyd," he greeted.

Floyd just stopped short, several feet away. That voice.

"It's been... a long time and Bruce thought it would be better broken to you in person so that's why he hasn't mentioned anything," the man said, leaning on the desk awkwardly. "And considering how young you were when I left and the fact that apparently our mother decided I was no longer to exist, you might not exactly remember me. Definitely not recognize me considering well, me but uh..."

"Your voice..." Floyd just said. "I can't...I know it."

"Oh," the man flushed a little. "I used to sing lullabies to you guys when you were babies and toddlers. You and Branch seemed to like them the most he admitted. I'm your brother, John Dory."

John Dory.

What.

"JD?"

John brightened a little. "Yeah. Uhm...I know it's been a while and I definitely look a lot different but..."

Floyd scanned him, like he had to verify for himself or something. He wasn't entirely certain way.

But he did figure out what was abnormal.

Why John was leaning strangely.

He was on crutches.

Not just on crutches - nearly his entire left leg was missing.

Floyd was staring.

"Oh yeah, the leg," John said. It sounded rehearsed, like he had said it over and over and over again. "No, I don't know where it is-.”

Floyd just started sobbing uncontrollably, his brain entirely emptying of thoughts. He had no idea what to say, what to do. His mind was entirely mush aside that his big brother was here. Right in front of him without a freaking leg and Floyd had forgotten about him. He just forgot. How could he do that? How could that have happened?

“Floyd?”

He didn’t know how he got closer or when or whatever but suddenly he was right there and he shoved himself into his big brother’s chest and continued to cry. He felt an arm wrap around his shoulder and after that, he didn’t remember much.

#soldier on au #I thought I was gonna like it and now I don’t oops

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lovableapocalypse · 1 year

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bassist!remus x fem!reader

a/n - quick drabble i was feeling kinda angsty today so heres this lol

You and Remus rarely fought. This tended to make when you did argue ten times worse. You were currently sat on your shared bathroom floor while he was sat against the locked door just opposite you in the hall.

“Y/n please just open the door”, he sighed.

You were angry. You walked away from the argument to stop yourself from saying hurtful meaningless words and Remus took your exit personally. He’d started to follow you and you’d shouted out “Give me 5 fucking minutes Remus!”

“Why the fuck are you just walking away from this?”

You glanced over your shoulder and refuted, “Leave me alone. Don’t fucking follow me.”

He huffed a laugh and rolled his eyes. You walked to the bathroom and slammed the door locking it in place.

The argument had started over a simple miscommunication. Remus mentioned he was heading to the studio in a bit and you were completely caught off guard. He hadn’t told you anything about going to the studio today and you assumed you two were spending the day together. The argument accelerated quickly and soon you were both pointing fingers at each other. You were mostly frustrated, for he tried to play it off as no big deal. You two rarely had quality time together anymore, undistracted at least, and he had seemed to “forgotten to mention it” to you.

Your cheeks were wet from tears of frustration and you were anxiously picking at your cuticles. The bathroom tile was cold against your crossed legs. Remus had first knocked and asked you to open up and when your silence became a game you heard him sit against the door. He was occasionally tapping his knuckles on the wood and saying your name, but your stubbornness was winning.

After your heart rate slowed and you became uncomfortable staring at the shower curtain for any longer, you stood up. You opened the bathroom door slowly and glanced down at the man on the floor.

“Hi,” he said grimly.

“Hi,” you replied.

He pushed off the ground and you both stared at one another. “I’m sorry”, he said to you earnestly. You nodded and looked down at your feet, “I am too”, you said.

He grasped your elbow and said, “I should have mentioned it before, I know. It slipped my mind and I’m sorry.”

You nodded again and he squeezed your elbow, pulling you into his arms. You wrapped yourself around his torso and mumbled into him, “It’s okay. We just never see each other anymore and I was caught off guard- I assumed you’d be home today. I’m sorry too”

He placed his head atop yours and rubbed your back soothingly. “I know, I understand. We’ve both been distracted. I miss you dearly though, I hope you know that.”

You pulled back slightly and looked up at him. “Let’s just be better about communicating and appreciating our time together, yeah?”

He moved his hands to your face and caressed your cheeks. He nodded in agreement and kissed your lips softly. “I’m sorry I upset you.” You closed your eyes and replied with a soft “It’s okay.” He pressed a kiss to the top of your head this time and asked, “Do you want to come to the studio with me? It will be short- then we can come back here and watch that film you’ve been wanting to.” You nodded at him and he sent you a small smile.

“God, I fucking hate arguing with you” he laughed, “You look so sexy when you’re mad I can barely think straight.” You laugh and shake your head, pushing him away.

“You’re such a guy sometimes Remus.” He laughs and throws his head back. You laugh along at his reaction and grab his hand as you head back to the living area.

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philhoffman · 4 months

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Loving Phil comes as easily to me as breathing. Easier, sometimes. From the first moment we met through the screen. Much like Paul Thomas Anderson, I saw PSH make a single gesture—a little smirk, barely able to restrain his soft smile, intelligent and warm—and fell in love with him. Or, more accurately, I saw him and was overcome by the feeling he was special, that he would be an important person in my life. And now here we are.

I’ve found myself saying the same thing a lot lately—“There are no words,” or something to that effect. The enormity of Phil’s loss, his absence over the last 10 years, is mind-boggling. It’s crushing. There are many great works of art and music and literature and film about grief and loss, warnings about what pain this intense could feel like, but even the masters can only capture a fleeting moment of it. It truly exists beyond words.

Equally impossible to capture in words is the good, the beautiful, the glimmers of hope and love. It's often beyond mere glimmers—seeing the world through Phil's eyes is a sledgehammer of life. For a few years I've kept a notebook just for my thoughts to him. I was thumbing through it last night and read an entry in which I said the enormity of the happiness I felt since he entered my life was unlike anything I'd experienced before. It's far beyond a crush on an actor, lol. It's—words are failing me—absolutely everything. His films, his soul, his eyes, his community, all the words, the way he's shaped how I see my life, my relationships, my future, my world. I can't overstate it, really. He's stitched into the fabric now, the blood in my veins, his heart beating in my chest, arm around my shoulder. The most important artist and person I've ever known.

So there won’t ever be enough words to fully capture what every frame, every laugh, every freckle, every moment means—but there are a couple words that say enough for now, tonight, 10 years after Phil’s death. Like—I love you. Like—I miss you and I’m sorry and 46 is so, so young. Like—every night and every day, somewhere in the world, someone is watching one of your film’s and laughing or crying or raging or smiling along with you. You said you hoped the art would outlive you, outlive all of us, and it does, it will, and you’re always part of it and with us and remembered.

Like—now having the privilege to know your wonderful family and community, it’s easy to see how you turned out to be such a kind, thoughtful man and generous, passionate artist. Their refrain is true—great actor, even better friend.

Like—countless individuals are in recovery and alive because of you, whether they’re 10 years or 100 days or 1 hour sober. The support you offered friends and strangers during your life, the impact of your death from a drug overdose—I can’t begin to guess how many people you helped, how many even I've spoken to who credit you with helping to save their lives.

What I'm writing now is one of the hardest things I've ever tried to say in my life, I can't stop tearing up. I hope I get it right. This is the 10th anniversary of Phil's death—his life is now a decade away from us in the past, a milestone I've been dreading, a reality that shocks and breaks my heart.

Grief is timeless and endless. There are moments when it hurts just as badly as that first day. But with time, hopefully, that most intense pain bubbles up less often. It comes up on anniversaries, special occasions, when the sunlight and the breeze hit you just right, when little signs and reminders show up—but not every day. I think that's healthy. When I was relatively new to this loss, the pain fresh but I was deep, deep within it, I used to think, "How did anyone who loved him survive? Why aren't we all screaming all the time?" I understand now. Today I fell to the floor and cried and screamed about it—yesterday, too—but I don't every day, not anymore.

The grief is ever-present but it changes. The change hurts. It can feel like a betrayal, like guilt, like abandonment. That's the season of grief I'm in, weird complicated emotions I'm struggling with. I've felt it in my gut ahead of this anniversary and kept it bottled up so tightly, ashamed. "Letting go" are the words that kept coming to mind, but I fucking hate that phrase. I'm not letting go of anything. But tonight I heard from two of the people closest to Phil, who both shared the same feeling that this year is different. That maybe Phil is telling us that it's okay to move forward—not move on, move forward—and find new ways to love and honor and remember him. Let go of the ways that aren't serving us or him anymore. There will always be new ones. He is buried so deep in our hearts, in who we are, that we could never be separated—we will always find him.

In a way, a weight is lifted off my chest. In another way, I've been crying so hard I'm going to be sore tomorrow. Nothing is going to change in my day-to-day, I think. I can't even imagine what would. But this is a new step of our journey, I can feel it in my chest. Of my journey, at least. I'm terrified and hopeful and so, so, so deeply in love and in gratitude with this incredible, larger-than-life, beautiful force of a human who changed the world—the whole world, and my world. Blessed doesn't begin to cover how I feel knowing my life is tied to his, that I'll be learning from him for the rest of my days. I'm still beyond devastated his were cut short so soon.

I love you, Phil. The man, the spirit. Nothing else matters more than that. I love you.