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the-hilda-librarians-wife · 1 year

Text

Locus Amoenus - Chapter One

Pairing: Sketchbook (Kaisa/Johanna)

Summary: Locus Amoenus: A literary topos and one of the five latim mottos of the arcadist, or neoclassical movement. Literally translates to "a pleasant place"

The events of Inutilia Truncat from Johanna's point of view, and their following study date.

Notes: These first two instalments of this verse are just Johanna living in the romcom genre while Kaisa is in a hunger games-esque competition 😭 They’re so out of sync but I promise it gets better.

The Edmund character (Johanna’s cousin) is one from Hilda, not an oc. I’m curious about it, so before you get to the parts of this fic where he is described (see: next chapter), please tell me what your guesses are about who he is skjdksdh

This, too, was beta read by the lovely @waddles-ex-machina! Everybody say thank you, waddles <3

Read it on ao3 or read the first instalment in this verse :) (advisable but not necessary for understanding)

Johanna knew from the moment she saw her that she would fall for her.

It wasn’t that she was some stalker who immediately latched onto people she didn’t know, or that she was desperately needy. After her long process of accepting herself in her teenage years, she’d had a couple of chances to be with some very nice girls. She’d even had her first queer relationship in the first year of college, with a friend of her cousin’s. It hadn’t worked out, and they had only been together for a few months, but they were still friends and Johanna was in no rush to get into a new relationship. She was willing to wait and see what life had in store for her.

So it wasn’t out of an immediate need to be the subject of someone’s romantic feelings that her attention was instantly drawn to the girl sitting at the back of the lecture room. There was just something about her that fit so ridiculously perfectly into what Johanna considered to be her type that really, she could hardly be blamed for it. And given that her choices seemed to be taking action or spending a whole semester pining, she didn’t think much of it when her feet, seemingly of their own accord, took her to where she was sitting.

The girl had thin black hair that barely brushed her shoulders, the edges a faded violet colour that told her she probably had had it dyed a while ago. It fell over her face, hunched over her notebook as she was, but it didn’t hide the sharp curve of her nose from view. Her backpack, Johanna noticed, was beat up and covered in pins, and she was wearing an equally beat up pair of all stars, jeans, and a knitted sweater. All black. Even though it was just past one in the afternoon, the light that came from the window behind her was weak, as the sun had been covered by clouds, and the whole image in front of her reminded Johanna a lot of a little black cat, lounging in the sun.

Black Cat Girl hadn’t seen her arriving, though, or at least she chose not to act like it, so as soon as she got near enough, Johanna cleared her throat. It was the first day of that discipline. It wasn’t weird to introduce yourself to your classmates, right?

“Hi!” She said when the girl finally looked at her. She had beautiful grey eyes, Johanna noticed, and the pale skin of someone who spent most of her time with a book in her hands. Her brow furrowed for a second, however, looking clearly like she found the situation very strange.

“Good morning.” Black Cat answered, still looking confused. Johanna wondered if she was doing something wrong, if there was any code of conduct that she was unaware of and was breaking. But since nothing of the sort came to her mind or was pointed out to her, she continued.

“Nice to meet you, I’m Johanna! And you?”

“Kaisa.”

That one word was enough to make something click in Johanna’s head. She’d heard that name before, plenty of times, but she’d never had a face to link to the name. Black Cat had a lot of gossip about her circulating through campus, and none of it pleasant. It had been the beginning of Johanna’s second year when rumours of a new student who only got her scholarship because her mother was the former head of the History department became everyone’s favourite conversation topic. Some people hadn’t cared. Some people had been upset, and some people had declared to everyone who would (and wouldn’t) hear it that this was another case of a privileged girl taking the place of someone who was both more hardworking and deserving, and more in need of it. Some people, however, had never felt comfortable spreading this information that no one even knew the source of, and was potentially very dangerous to this unknown person’s reputation. Johanna had been in this last category. It had even been one of the reasons she had broken up with her first girlfriend, really. Abigail was a good person, even if loud and too rowdy for Johanna, but her glee in spreading this sort of gossip about people had really put her off.

So this was who she was standing in front of right now. Lucky for Johanna, she’d never been the sort to settle so easily for one side of the story, and she wasn’t about to start now.

Kaisa hadn’t said anything else, however, and was just staring at her like she was trying to make sense of why she was there, and wondering if she was going away.

“I’m an Arts and History major!” Johanna informed in an attempt to make small talk, but it was hopeless. She’d lost Black Cat’s attention to her notebook, which she was now leafing through, and the only answer she got was a non-committal hum. “This seminar looked interesting, I hope it’s enjoyable.”

“Agreed.”

Having accepted that she was probably not going to hear more than one word at a time from the girl, Johanna plastered her smile firmly again to her face. “Well, nice talking to you! Good lecture to us both!”

She walked back to her front seat blushing and cursing her heart for picking the one person in the room who looked like she would hiss and scratch if Johanna got too close.

………

Doodling in the Humanities building’s garden after her classes were done for the afternoon had been Johanna’s little tradition since her second year. She found that taking a little time to clear her mind and refresh her thoughts after a long day of lectures was very useful before she headed home to study by herself. Some days, it still took effort on her part to make the conscious choice of spending that time on something “unproductive”. Depending on what was going on with her classes, the voice in her head screaming at her to stop laying around and get to work could get pretty loud. But with time and therapy, Johanna had gotten very good at gently telling this voice that she was more than what she accomplished.

It had been really hard to do that that afternoon. During the lecture professor Abigail had revealed that her TA would put up their latest grades on the usual spot on their department’s corkboard, and that they would be available when the lesson was over. Johanna had been doing surprisingly well on the seminar, but their first exam of the semester had left a bitter taste in her mouth; the questions seemed to require their knowledge of ridiculously specific pieces of information which most of them couldn’t even remember being mentioned in class. Those that weren’t worded like pranks to make them fall into tricks, that is.

Still, she knew it would do her good to keep up her routine and come back to check her grade when she felt less jittery. It had become clear that forcing herself to do things like this, taking the time to smell the flowers (literally, in this case), helped in her process to heal her brain of all the excessive perfectionism and productivity mindset that had been ingrained into her from a young age. And besides, even if she had done terribly, from the look of things she could probably make up for it with her grades on other assignments.

The day was looking lovely. Autumn hadn’t fully hit yet, so the trees still had yellowish leaves on them, making the air around them look golden. The few cicadas that survived despite the thorough maintenance to which the garden was submitted had begun singing. And students all around were beginning to come out of their classrooms, filling the area with the simple yet beautiful sound of life happening.

Some days, when she was here, she would draw to the sound of music. Some others, she’d put a guided meditation on her earbuds and let the narrator’s voice guide her, sketching whatever images came to her mind. That time, however, she chose to just sit with the sounds of the garden. She did put the earbuds on, though, even if she wasn’t playing anything on them. It might be petty, but Johanna enjoyed that alone time and didn’t feel like being bothered by any classmates she barely knew shouting their “good evening”s at her. If they were smart, they would get the hint.

Someone, however, did not seem to get the hint. She’d had her sketchbook open in her lap for barely two minutes, doodling one of the details that marked the fountain’s stone while she waited for inspiration to come, when she heard someone coming her way.

She didn’t look up, not immediately. The person could just be taking a stroll through the garden, or they could also want to sit on the fountain’s edge and enjoy the view. It could be one of the gardeners, for all she knew, so she kept on pretending to draw even if her attention had been captured by the newcomer.

Still, at some point, it became clear that the person was heading directly to Johanna. Not to any other spot on or near the fountain, but the strides that just entered her range of vision were purposeful and most certainly tracing a route to her. When that happened, her hand became still so she could look at who was coming, and when she did she suddenly didn’t care about being bothered anymore.

She put away her earbuds quickly, though she hoped not clumsily, and offered her most inviting smile. When she did so, the girl who had come to her stopped in her tracks, looking just slightly taken aback.

Don’t worry, Johanna told herself. You did nothing wrong. Black Cat came to you, and you smiled at her. That’s what polite people do. It’s not weird at all. You can get through this interaction without being weird. She doesn’t need to know you look forward to the seminar just to get a glimpse of her. She doesn’t need to know you stared at her backpack when she went to the toilet during class once and you wanted to look for pride pins, nor that you had to bite back a squeal when you found one with the lesbian flag on it. She especially doesn’t need to know that you have a playlist with songs that remind you of her vibe and that you were excited when a singer you like named a song 'lavender haze’ because it reminds you of her hair. Kitty doesn’t need to know anything at all.

Thinking of her as “Black Cat Girl” probably wasn’t that fair anymore. Though she still wore all black some days, it turned out that there was more to her wardrobe than looking like the grim reaper’s teenage daughter 24/7. Just now, her jumper was a deep violet colour, and the white collar of a button down shirt could be seen at the base of her neck. Though her ankle lengthed, pleated skirt and her platform boots were both black. Maybe she did still deserve it.

“Hi!” Johanna spoke up when Kitty did nothing other than stand there looking like she wanted to bolt. Ever on-brand, she only gave her a single word in reply.

“Hello.”

Even though, she had entered the garden, and she had come to Johanna, she was looking terribly uncomfortable standing there, like she was having second thoughts about something. There was a smooth silver band on her left ring finger which she used her right hand fingers to twist and scratch, which looked like some sort of nervous habit. Johanna’s heart picked up speed as it allowed itself to hope for a second. Could she finally have noticed the way Johanna looked at her? Finally interpreted her weekly happy greetings and waves for what they were?

Was Black Cat finally going to make a move?

Sensing Kaisa’s growing unease, Johanna decided to take pity on her.

“Lovely day, isn’t it?” She asked, knowing it was the most generic thing to say ever, but whatever worked to get her to feel more grounded, worked. “I don’t usually see you around the gardens, though. What brings you here?”

When Kaisa shyly and tentatively informed her that she’d come to see her, Johanna’s happy surprise wasn’t feigned, even if that was what she’d been assuming. Whatever this was about, it wasn’t a conversation to have with such a distance between them. Johanna might have a good few inches on Kaisa, even with those boots of hers, but with her sitting down Kitty was practically towering over her. Though it was a pretty sight, she’d rather have her close. She fixed her posture, realising she was still hunching over her sketchbook (her cousin constantly said that her art would be the death of her spine) and tapped the cool stone next to her in invitation. However much she was glad when Kaisa took the cue and sat down by her side, she had truly miscalculated that move. From the way her face was heating up, it was safe to say she hadn’t been ready for the effect that having her crush so close would have on her.

“Well, it’s good to talk to you again, Kaisa!” Kitty was looking everywhere on her face but her eyes, and she wondered if her blush was really that ridiculous. She hoped it didn’t make her think she was a creep. “Forgive me, but what is it you study, again? You told me when we met, but I’m afraid I’ve forgotten.”

She hadn’t told her. Johanna’s pride wouldn’t ever let her forget that interaction, but she was going for sweet and polite here, so accusing the girl of withholding information about herself would probably not have the desired effect.

“I’m on English and History.” She informed, and it had been on the tip of Johanna’s tongue to comment on how interesting that was, and ask her what had drawn her to those areas, when she continued. “This may seem a bit random, but I was wondering if you could help me.”

“Oh!” Oh. So that’s why she was here.

Oh well, at least she’d already heard sentences that had more than one word from Kaisa’s mouth. Johanna would take her wins where she could. And to be honest, being asked to help someone who she wanted to get to know better sounded like just her kind of thing.

“Of course. What can I do for you?” Johanna closed her sketchbook, which was still on her lap, to make sure Kaisa knew she had her full attention.

“You’re doing good at the seminar.” It wasn’t a question, but a firm statement. “Like, exceedingly well. Phenomenally. I never see you stay and look at the grades, so I don’t know if you’re aware of it, but you had the best grade in class on every graded activity so far. The results for our first exam are just out, by the way. You did it again. Congratulations, an impressive 9,5 on that honestly evil test.”

A tension that Johanna hadn’t realised (or rather, had refused to indulge) was on her shoulders was set loose. She hadn’t needed to worry, after all. Thank goodness she liked that subject so much she’d actually read the entire textbook chapters and done all the suggested readings. And then she realised what this meant. Kaisa had known she existed, and had been paying attention to her. Just not in the sense that Johanna had intended.

Despite her will to appear classy, she snorted.

“You must think I’m so laid back! I always come here after the seminar because it’s dusk, and it’s honestly so gorgeous from here that I don’t want to lose it. But after the sun is set I always climb back there and see the results.” She babbled, feeling the need to explain herself. Kaisa was nothing short of an exceptional student, she knew so not only because of her grades and reputation, but also because of the way she carried herself. Coming across as the one person who gets good scores but did nothing to deserve them would do absolutely nothing to win her over. “Thank you for telling me, though, I had been worried about that exam. I don’t think the professor had our best interests in mind when she wrote it, honestly.”

Black Cat was staring straight forward when she let out an agreeing hum. But even without her looking at Johanna, she was able to notice the twitch of her eyebrows that preceded her next sentence.

“Why, though? I mean, the buildings block the view from all sides, it’s not like you can actually see the sunset. The sky gets some pretty colours, but can’t you see those from the windows?”

Were it anyone else, or said in some other tone, Johanna would have felt like she was pointing fingers at her. But Kaisa didn’t sound accusing at all. She sounded genuinely curious, and more than a tad bit confused.

Johanna chuckled, hoping to convey a sense of kinship with her. She’d been there, not long ago. How many beauties had her High School self also not been able to see?

Having gotten Kitty’s direct attention again, Johanna breathed, softly, for her to look around. And as she did so, Johanna got to watch the way understanding dawned on her ice coloured eyes. How lucky she was, to get to notice how beautiful that place really was for the first time. Johanna wished she could go back two years and get that feeling again for a full two seconds, before deciding that getting to watch Kaisa come to that same realisation was even more worthy of her attention.

Johanna felt almost in a trance-like state, finally being able to look at the girl she’d been crushing on for months to her heart’s content, without the fear of getting caught by someone or being weird. She felt like this was a moment that deserved being frozen and kept in a little snow globe, for her to look at and remember throughout her life, before gently putting it back on her mantlepiece.

“You have a point.” Kaisa said suddenly, making the snow globe drop to the ground and crash in her little fantasy. Having a vivid imagination as an artist was useful, but sometimes Johanna paid a weird price for it. “Anyway, I came here to ask you if you have any tips for studying this subject. I generally draw schemes while reading the textbook and then look for practice exercises. It has worked well so far, but clearly you have something that works better. You don’t have to share if you don’t want to, of course, but if there’s anything you could share with me, I’d be grateful.”

With the moment between them broken, it felt weird to just stare into Back Cat’s cheek, but with her still looking away, Johanna had no other choice since staring was really the only reaction she could conjure up for a couple of seconds. If the girl was expecting any miraculous answer or successful formula, she was about to be very disappointed.

“I don’t do anything special. I just enjoy it?”

She didn’t know why she’d phrased it as a question, but it made Kaisa turn to her again, disbelief clear in her eyes and in the arch of her eyebrows.

“Enjoy it?” And sure enough, it was clear in her voice too, like she’d truly been expecting her to have some sort of magic brain booster. Johanna chose not to comment on how Kaisa always came right behind her on every grade, usually not even a full point behind. It was clear to her, even after only talking to her for a short while, that her problem wasn’t her grades, but a crippling perfectionism that would probably not be healed by being pointed out by a practical stranger in the middle of the humanities building’s garden.

Everyone was on their own journey to unlearn toxic mentalities, Johanna knew this very well. All she could do for Kitty for now was be truthful and offer her some insight into hers.

“Yeah. I relate a lot to neoclassicism. I spent my first years in my grandfather’s cottage out in the wilderness, so all the paintings of farm life feel familiar to me. Like they’re images that are close to my heart. Also the fugere urbem feeling in the writings speak really deeply to me, I had a hard time adapting when my parents brought me over to Trolberg when I was a child. I think that’s all there is, really. My study strategy isn’t even as neat as yours. I just… enjoy it.”

She hadn’t been looking at Kaisa as she said it, instead opting to twirl her pencil between two fingers, trying to minimise the feeling of discomfort at allowing herself to be vulnerable near someone she barely even knew. It seemed Johanna had evoked some sort of emotion within her, though, because Black Cat’s only answer was a pensive “I see”.

Johanna braced herself. She had an opportunity to get to know Kaisa better, even if it didn’t really scream “romantically interested in you”. The more time she spent with the girl, the more her suspicion that she was, indeed, a fascinating person to whom there was more than the gossip and appearances was confirmed. If this led to nothing more than a friendship, Johanna would still consider herself very lucky.

“You don’t seem convinced.” Looking again at her, she tried to keep her tone as high spirited as she could. The last thing she wanted was to pressure Kaisa into doing something she didn’t want to, or make her feel like she needed to do it. “I have something to suggest. Why don’t we have our next study session for this seminar together?

Kaisa looked back at her so quickly Johanna feared she might snap her neck, and then she’d have to carry her all the way to the Health Sciences building to get her looked after. Kitty looked light enough that Johanna could probably do it without much of a struggle, but those guys over at Health Sciences were a bunch of weirdos.

“For real?” She asked, apparently going from ‘philosophical’ surprised to ‘what the heck’ surprised in the blink of an eye. Not exactly the most desirable reaction to asking someone out on a date, even if of the “study” sort, but Johanna was quickly coming to notice that for all her black clothes and ‘no effs to give’ attitude, Kaisa was probably just shy. For the first time, Johanna really took pause to wonder at what having such accusing rumours spread about you as soon as you arrive in university must do to you.

“I mean, yeah, why not? If you’d like it, that is. I know some people only study well alone, and I totally respect it if that’s your case. But if you’d like to give it a go, I’m sure it would be fun. And you’d get to see how my studying isn’t nearly as effective as yours.”

The look of innocent confusion on Kitty’s face was really too cute for Johanna not to smirk at. A big part of her felt terribly sad that being asked to hang out seemed to take her by surprise like that, but if she was being honest, she felt an inkling of pride at being able to (positively) stun her like this.

“Sure.”

Somehow, Black Cat had swiftly put her emotionless mask back, and this time it was Johanna who felt surprised. Of course, she’d been the one to ask, but it only now registered in her mind that this meant she’d be spending time with the girl she liked. Up close. With Kaisa. Oh, gosh, what had she done? She’d barely survived this five minute conversation!

“Great!” Johanna really hoped that Kaisa hadn’t noticed how her voice broke on that word. “You free on Saturday?”

Kaisa looked up, which Johanna recognized as indicative of trying to remember something. Unsuccessfully, however.

“I’m not sure, to be honest. I think my little sister asked me to go with her to a scouts thing, but I could have gotten the date wrong. I get really confused with my appointments when I have exams, it feels like my mind erases any information unrelated to them. Can I check that and get back to you?”

Before she could think twice about it, Johanna answered. “Sure! Give me your hand.”

Upon being handed her wrist, Johanna gently uncovered her palm, which was being covered by the violet sleeves. Her skin was thin and pale, and Johanna could see the veins underneath. Her fingers were slight, making her wonder if Kaisa had ever considered learning to play the violin. She’d be good at it, by the looks of it. Luckily, Johanna had kept a pen in the breast pocket of her denim jacket, which prevented her from needing to reach into her backpack to get one.

Using every bit of boldness she had, and with a lot of care, she wrote “Jo from the seminar” and her cellphone number underneath it. And then, with a bit of boldness she hadn’t thought she had, she drew a little winky face. She hoped it wasn’t too forward. If she made the cool shy girl uncomfortable she might actually have to leave campus out of pure shame.

Her own palms were starting to feel sweaty with that much closeness. Her mind had chosen that very moment to point out the fact that this was the first time they were sharing any sort of touch. With this thought, she let go of Kaisa’s hand and offered her what she hoped was a non suspicious smile.

“There you go! Text me or call me when you have the answer, whichever you prefer. I’ll see you around?”

Kaisa nodded, and then, just as the electric lamps started being turned on in the garden, she got up. Her ‘thank you, good night’ was brisk, but it sounded genuine. She’d probably had enough small talk for the day, and that was something Johanna could respect. She waved in response, hoping she didn’t look too silly but unable to contain herself. There was just too much joy suddenly being stored in her body, it felt like it needed to be let out or it wouldn’t all fit inside her.

When Black Cat was out of sight, Johanna allowed herself a happy chuckle. The cicadas were louder now, a sound that had always been enjoyable to her ears and reminded her of her childhood, but she decided on taking the short walk back to the house she shared with her cousin on campus already. Her drawings could wait. Right about now, she felt like she needed to listen to a certain playlist of hers.

………

It was later in the evening when Johanna heard her cellphone pling. She had already finished revising the subjects that she had seen in her lectures that day, and eaten the leftovers from what Edmund had cooked for his lunch. Her cousin wasn’t home anymore, though, having gone out to a friend’s house to work on a group project, so Johanna had the house to herself.

They had a hammock on their front porch, from where Johanna could watch people walking around campus. The small house (more like a cottage, really) that they lived in was on the outskirts of the university’s grounds, and that was why it was perfect. Close enough that it was easy to walk anywhere they needed, far enough that no noises or activity from frat parties bothered them. Their porch was the perfect place to sit with a good book, in Johanna’s opinion, and that was what she was doing.

Her cellphone had been laying forgotten on her thigh, and she picked it up half-fearing having received an email from a professor scheduling some sort of exam or graded assignment. She needn’t have worried, however, because what she really got was much better.

“Good evening, Johanna.” The text from an unknown number read. “Kaisa here. Sorry to text you this late, I arrived at home not long ago. Turns out the event I’m going to take my sister to is this Saturday, but only in the afternoon. We could study in the morning, if you’re available.”

Johanna smiled at her screen, feeling silly for being happy over something so simple but not being able to care.

“Yes, that’s just fine! What do you say we go to the Humanities library?”

“Sure. Is 8:30 good for you?”

“Yeah, perfect”

“Okay, then. See you there. Good night.”

The ‘typing’ sign went on and off a few times as Johanna stared at her cellphone, like Black Cat couldn’t decide on what to say, or whether or not to say it. After what seemed to be a few seconds of indecision, her cellphone vibrated in her hand with one last message.

“:)”

Johanna chuckled, feeling her cheeks get warm. Maybe she would be able to get through to that girl, after all.

Without allowing herself to overthink, she saved the new contact as “Kaisa 🐈‍⬛🔮”, and went back to her book.

#me writing this a month ago: lmao this is so silly. imagine if liking things actually made you do them better #me rn looking back on everything ive written since this idea struck me - and I got back to writing with much more speed and quality #then when I was writing simply bc I wanted validation from readers - and the sheer FUN ive been having with it: OH #this got rambly but its all to say: wow doing things bc you enjoy them WORKS.#my fic #fic: locus amoenus #verse: carpe diem #sketchbook ship #sketchbook ship hilda #sketchbook ship fanfic #johanna hilda #kaisa hilda #sketchbook college au

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the-hilda-librarians-wife · 1 year

Text

Locus Amoenus - Chapter Two

Pairing: Sketchbook (Kaisa/Johanna)

Summary: Locus Amoenus: A literary topos and one of the five latim mottos of the arcadist, or neoclassical movement. Literally translates to "a pleasant place"

The events of Inutilia Truncat from Johanna's point of view, and their following study date

Notes: TW: Brief mention of pedophilia, not in the story but in a literary discussion. If you want to skip it altogether, quit the section just after Johanna arrived at the library, and come back after the "*" sign I put in there

Also I do not know the first thing about college housing for students in… whichever country I’m trying to represent here. Again, all my knowledge comes from Monster’s University. I am asking you to suspend your disbelief. I am asking you to put it into a cannon and shoot it into the sky. *waves a pocket watch in front of you* You are getting veeery sleepy. You are suspending the disbelief

Read it on ao3: (chpt1) (chpt2) (previous instalment in the verse

When Kaisa informed her mother and sister over dinner that she would be gone in the morning before they woke up the next day, she knew there would be an onslaught of questions. Even though she felt a need to keep this thing with Johanna private, like it might shatter if other people so much as looked at it, they were her family. She’d be disappointed if they didn’t question it, really.

“Really? What on earth for?” Frida asked as she helped herself to the pasta with pesto sauce that Tildy had cooked that night, handing the bowl to Kaisa right after.

“Studying.” Was her short answer, but no one on the table was convinced.

“But why are you leaving so early? And on a Saturday too!” Kaisa had been expecting this sort of comment from Tildy. The older woman very openly worried about her not getting enough time for sleep and leisure, certainly she wouldn’t let it drop that Kaisa would be leaving home before anyone was awake in that house of early risers. “If you want so badly to get an early start, why don’t you study at home?”

After setting the bowl with pasta down at the center of the table, Kaisa took a moment to sip her water before answering, doing her best to seem calm and controlled, and most certainly not nervous at the prospect of the slightest social interaction. “Well, because I actually made an appointment to meet up with a classmate at the library to study together.”

Both pairs of eyes stared into her with surprise.

“Is it really so unbelievable that I’m hanging out with someone?” She asked with more bitterness than intended when neither said anything, picking up balls of falafel from a silver tray and putting them on her plate.

“No!” Both of them assured at the same time, and Tildy hurried to put a hand to her older daughter’s forearm to get her attention.

“Sugar, we just hadn’t been expecting that since you prefer to study alone. But that’s wonderful! Shame that you’ll have to leave before breakfast, but you’ll be back for lunch, right?”

“Sure.” Kaisa shrugged. “I wouldn’t want to be late for us to leave for Frida’s scouts thing, anyway. I’ll just be away for the morning.”

From the opposite side of the table, Frida beamed at the reminder. The Raven Leader had proposed a bonding activity, for which each kid could bring an adult of their choice for a group trivia. Kaisa had secretly been ecstatic when Frida invited her to come along.

“And by the way.” Apparently Kaisa’s answers had been enough to satisfy her family for now, because Frida took the opportunity to take the conversation away from her weekend study plans. “I have English homework today. Will you study with me after dinner?”

“Only if you give me your desert, kid.”

In front of her, Frida rolled her eyes as Tildy let out a happy chuckle at the sight of her children. She hadn’t even needed to ask, really. Studying with her sister was one of Kaisa’s favourite things in the world, and she loved doing so whenever she was allowed to. Even when Frida didn’t want help studying, they still did it side by side when they were both home. It made Kaisa feel helpful. And loved, if she was being honest.

“You get half of it.”

“Only half? For helping you with English? That’s hardly fair. I deserve seventy five percent of it at least.”

“Fine. But only as a prize for having finally made a friend in class.”

Considering Tildy’s presence besides them, Kaisa didn’t kick Frida’s ankles under the table like she wanted to, but resigned herself to giving her a piercing stare that promised retribution.

Of course, when they cleared the table and Tildy brought the dessert, a pistachio mousse that she’d tried making for the first time, they had both forgotten about it and were already laughing and paying attention to the stories each one of the three had to tell about their day.

………

Edmund was staring at her weird.

Well, maybe she deserved it, because she was acting a little weirder than normal. It wasn’t every day that she ate breakfast glancing at the kitchen clock every twenty seconds, or asked for his advice on what to wear, or put on perfume and lipgloss to go to the library.

But it wasn’t every day she got to go to the library with her crush either.

“Well, how do I look?” She stood in front of her cousin, her arms spread by her sides for his evaluation. She had chosen a brown skirt that went just over her knees, a grey checked button down shirt with the sleeves rolled to her elbows, black oxfords and a thin leather belt to tie it all together. When she had last checked herself in the mirror, she thought she looked pretty good, but the look Edmund was giving her wasn’t one of approval. He looked like he was trying to put puzzle pieces together, running a hand over his dark brown stubble which had begun to grow back after he shaved it for the summer.

“So?” She prompted when he said nothing. “How do I look?”

“Not like you’re going to the library.” He said at last, and raised his eyebrows at her from his seat on their living room couch. “Who’s the lucky person?”

Johanna huffed, dropping her arms. “This isn’t a date!”

“You’re the one who’s saying anything about a date.”

“Oh, shut up, you implied it.”

He put his hands up in surrender. “I’m not saying it’s bad, Jo, just maybe a little overdressed to go study at the uni’s library.”

Johanna picked at her skirt half heartedly. “Do you think she’ll find me creepy if I show up like this?”

“Honestly, if this really isn’t a date and you two are just going to study, then I really hope that the girl will be more interested in the subject than in what you’re wearing.”

Despite having already known this, Johanna felt herself deflate a little. Even if she knew that Kaisa was only doing this because she was hoping to absorb some of Johanna’s luck in that discipline, some part of her (admittedly a large one) couldn’t help but hope she’d see something in Johanna along the way. To be reminded that Kaisa would probably be too absorbed in damned neoclassicism to even notice her was very disheartening.

“You’re right.” She said, a little annoyed to admit it. And then, knowing that she needed to tell someone and that she could trust her cousin, she continued without being asked. “Remember some weeks ago, in the beginning of the semester, when I went looking for a classmate’s social media everywhere, and couldn’t find her? I’m pretty sure I told you. The girl has no instagram, twitter, facebook, or tiktok. Literally the only traces of her I could find were on spotify and tumblr.”

Johanna had immediately started following Kaisa’s Spotify playlists that night, when she got home after the first seminar and decided to do a light stalking on her. There weren’t many public playlists to be found, but Johanna really liked opening the program on her computer to find that there were other people she knew also listening to music. It made her feel connected to them. Not her tumblr blog, though. Johanna had had the good sense to leave it alone when she dug that up. What happened on tumblr, stayed on tumblr, and Johanna could respect that, even if it looked like it was only a studyblr that was very seldom updated.

“Oh, is that the girl?” Edmund exclaimed, sitting up straighter out of a sudden. “In which case, marry her. You don’t see many people who haven’t sold their souls to tiktok anymore.”

Johanna rolled her eyes. Her cousin was only five years older than her, but he honestly sounded like a grumpy old man sometimes. Even if he wasn’t entirely wrong.

“Thank you for your sage advice. I’ll be going now, see you later.”

“See you later, Jo!” Picking up the entomology book he’d been reading before Johanna asked for his opinion, Edmund layed down on the couch again. “Good luck on your date!”

………

When she was ten steps away from the library’s front door, Johanna got a text.

Kaisa 🐈‍⬛🔮

Good morning. I’ve just arrived at the library, saved us a table on the right side at the back.

Seeing as she was so close, Johanna probably didn’t need to answer, but she felt bad about seeing the message and ignoring it, so she sent a quick “coming!” in reply.

Sure enough, when Johanna entered the building, gorgeous with its old wooden floor and ceiling high shelves, dating probably to the founding of the university, she spotted Kaisa sitting exactly where she’d said she’d be. The humanities library was essentially a long hall, rows of bookshelves intercalated with tables for the students to study at. Some were already there, even if it was morning on a weekend. For students who lived on campus, there were few better places to study than there. Luckily, Kaisa had indeed saved them a table, and when Johanna found it, between the two grammar bookshelves, she was looking out of the huge glass window on the wall, looking pensively and, quite honestly, like a romantic painting. But that might just be Johanna’s infatuation-addled mind. She was twisting a black ring around her right index finger with her thumb, most likely absent mindedly.

She noticed Johanna’s arrival before she had to greet her, and to Johanna’s surprise, smiled. It was shy and tentative, sure, but considering Johanna wasn’t even aware she could do that it felt almost blinding. It looked beautiful on her, Johanna thought. She would love to be the reason why Kaisa smiled more often.

“Good morning!” Johanna said, putting her backpack on the seat in front of where Kaisa had placed hers, so she could sit face to face with the woman herself. “How have you been?”

“Good morning. I’ve been well, thanks for asking. You?”

“Ditto.” Johanna unzipped her backpack and began wondering what she would even use to study. Truth be told, she’d been more concerned with… other things regarding this morning that hadn’t left much time for her to plan her study session properly. Which hadn’t probably been smart on her part, because now the pretty girl would be paying attention to what she did. Crap.

“Honestly, I was asking myself if you’d really show up.”

This made Johanna whip her head back to look at Kaisa, but she herself looked like she hadn’t a clue why she’d just said that. She looked like she wanted to gasp and put her hands over her mouth, but had decided that that was too loud for a library and chose to just go more pale instead. Something tugged at Johanna’s heart when she noticed that it wasn’t a joke, Kaisa had really been expecting her to give up on the idea, and was so relieved to be proven wrong that she hadn’t been able to filter her words.

Oh, Johanna was going to befriend this girl so hard.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world!” She answered, trying to lighten the mood. It seemed to work, and the colour came back to Kitty’s face with vengeance, giving her cheeks a lovely pinkish hue.

“Well.” Kaisa cleared her throat, opening the library textbook that Johanna had only just noticed was already on the table, along with her notebook from class, her laptop, a black (obviously) ball-point pen and a marker. Damn, that girl meant business. “Shall we get started?”

“Yeah! I’ll just… grab a textbook as well.”

Johanna got up and left to find the literature bookshelves, knowing damn well that the next couple of hours would be the least productive she’d have in her whole academic career.

………

Johanna had said her secret was enjoying, and apparently, she had meant it. When Golden arrived, looking absurdly pretty (Kaisa considered herself to be relatively stylish, but seeing Johanna that morning made her reconsider that statement. That girl was on a whole new level of looking good, though she had to admit that her clothes were only a small part of it), Kaisa had thought to herself ‘this is it, this is how I find out I’ve been making some stupid study mistake I should have known was wrong all along’. Instead, what happened was that while Kaisa tried to work on synthesising the main characteristics and metaphors in the texts that had been discussed during that week’s seminar, she kept getting distracted by the excited expressions Johanna made whenever she read a new fact in her textbook.

“Kaisa!” She whispered at one point. “Look at this! Tomaz Antonio Gonzaga was exhiled from his country for supporting one of the independence movements! Then he lived the rest of his life in Africa, and even married a woman there. After everything he wrote about his first sweetheart! Can you believe it?”

“Isn’t that the author of Marília de Dirceu?” Kaisa raised an eyebrow, and Johanna nodded. “Yeah, his sweetheart was sixteen. This dude’s a pedo, I’ll believe anything you tell me about him.”

Kaisa would have felt bad for putting it so bluntly, but the way Johanna contorted her brow in anger and glared at the book, like it was a friend that had just betrayed her, had been too entertaining to regret it.

In the end, it had been very nice to study with her, although not for any new techniques she’d discovered. Golden, as it turns out, was very enjoyable company. If Johanna was willing, Kaisa thought she would very much like to spend more time with her, including in other contexts where they didn’t have to keep their voices down.

Once the clock had hit midday, they were both famished and felt like their brains had turned into goo inside their skulls, having turned to other disciplines after they hit a two hour mark on neoclassicism. That’s how you knew the study session had been worth your while. They had put all of their stuff away in their backpacks and were heading to the circulation desk in order to drop off the library textbooks they had taken off the shelves when Johanna popped a question.

“I don’t know about you, but I could really use some lunch right now.” She began, hearing Kaisa mumble a ‘definitely’ beside her. “Want to go grab a bite at the cafeteria?”

Kaisa blinked, looking down at the floor to avoid glancing at Johanna, who was now looking at her expectantly. So she was willing to spend more time with her. Something about it made Kaisa feel a fluttering feeling in her stomach, but she attributed it to hunger.

“I’m afraid I can’t, today.” She said, trying to put as much sincerity in her tone. Kaisa really didn’t want her thinking that her invitation was the problem. “I already told my family I would be having lunch with them today, and honestly I’d feel kind of bad to ditch them with so little notice. My mother must have already cooked it by now.”

It wasn’t at all a lie, but it wasn’t a whole truth either. The thing was, as much as Kaisa really wanted to spend longer with Johanna, she hadn’t come mentally prepared for it. She was really terrible with sudden changes of plan, they made her cranky and on edge and that wasn’t a side of her she wanted Golden to see, at least not yet. Kaisa ran on schedules.

“No worries!” Johanna chirped, a little too quickly and cheerfully for it to be honest. Not that Kaisa noticed that.

“Maybe next time, though? We could have a fixed date each week, or when we’re both free, at least. If you're amenable.”

They had just placed their books on the circulation’s desk, but thankfully the librarian was nowhere around to witness the slightly baffled stare that Johanna gave Kaisa.

“Only if you want to, I mean.” Kaisa was quick to add once she noticed the odd look Johanna was giving her. She’d thought that the lunch invitation was a sign that Golden had enjoyed her company, but her current face probably meant that she was trying to think of an excuse to back out of the suggestion. Maybe she was just being polite when she mentioned lunch? Kaisa hated how complicated people were, sometimes. “I know you must be very busy, I totally understand it if you-“

“No!” Johanna was quick to cut through the chain of excuses that Kaisa was going ahead and making for her. “No, I’d love to make this a recurrent thing, actually. I’m just happy you suggested it. Hadn’t been expecting you to.”

Okay, Kaisa had probably deserved that one, she could admit that. But she was very grateful for Johanna’s directness, it made it infinitely easier to know they were on the same page. Sometimes it felt people her age communicated in hidden rules and complex signs; that was why she liked elders and children so much. They said what they meant and meant what they said. Interacting with them was much less tiring.

But Johanna… Johanna was nice, too. So far, she hadn’t at all felt drained with her. She was curious to see if that would remain the case if they interacted more often.

“I’d love to as well.” Kaisa smiled at her, and they finally stopped standing in front of the circulation desk to head towards the door. “What time is best for you?”

Johanna’s brow furrowed as she deliberated. She knew Kaisa didn’t live on campus; there’d be a lot more gossip going around about her if she did. Obviously, she had more free time on the weekends, but asking her to come here during days in which they didn’t have class probably meant her having to go out of her way to meet her.

“We could do this after our seminar on Tuesdays. Then we could come to the library or you could come to my house.”

“After you enjoy your sunset?” Kaisa teased, holding the front door open for Johanna and following right after her.

“Don’t worry about that, I can do it on other days. Besides, I'd rather spend time with you than with the sunset anyway.”

An obvious blush crept onto Kaisa’s cheeks, spreading all the way to her neck. Because of her skin colour, it was really very noticeable, but Johanna mercifully didn’t comment on it. At least she looked flustered rather than uncomfortable, so Johanna thought that probably meant it hadn’t been too much.

“How are you going home, anyway?” She asked once she realised that the path to her house was different from that of the building’s parking lot. They would likely need to say their goodbyes now, and a big part of Johanna truly wanted to postpone that as much as possible.

“Oh, I’ll just walk there.” Black Cat shrugged as if she thought nothing of it, but Johanna knew their university had been built detached from the town. There was now an avenue that connected the two, but the first houses only began appearing by its edges after around fifteen minutes of driving. If you didn’t dawdle, that was.

“Oh, really? How long does it take?”

“Around an hour, give or take.”

Johanna truly didn’t think that her gasp had been an overreaction. Sure, taking an one hour walk wasn’t something out of the ordinary, but doing it twice every day? And especially doing it now, when the sun was at its peak and she hadn’t eaten in hours?

“Nope. Not allowing that. Come on, I’m driving you there.”

She left space for no disagreement, beginning to march towards her house and noticing with amusement that Kaisa struggled to keep up after a second of being too taken aback by Johanna’s suddenness to walk.

“Wait, there’s no need! I really appreciate the offer, but I wouldn’t want to get in your way!”

“Kaisa, if you walk home now you will get in my way. Because I will run you over with my car. Repeatedly.”

“Oh, come on-“

“No, I’m serious! You said it would take you an hour to get there. If you let me drive you, I’ll be there and back in less than half! This is non-negotiable.”

Kaisa mumbled something grumpy sounding under her breath, but the smile tugging at her lips told a different story. Maybe she should have been more insistent, but Johanna really made her feel like she wasn’t imposing. Besides, the prospect of another fifteen minutes in her presence was a very welcome one.

They walked for a few minutes until they were closer to the STEMs buildings, much newer than the ones they frequented, and the conservation and breeding grounds. Most people walking nearby were veterinary or agronomy majors, now. Kaisa had a friend whose lab was around there. She wondered briefly if the woman was nearby, but the one beside her was taking a lot more space in her mind, currently.

Johanna’s car was a red beetle, old but clearly well kept. She kept it parked in front of the house, which was single floored and cosy looking. It was very different from the other student houses on campus, much more unassuming. The kind of place you’d come to for a quiet weekend, not for a frat party, and reminded Kaisa of her own house a bit.

Golden started the car, and Kaisa settled in by her side, noticing that the vehicle smelled like apple and cinnamon, similar to the scent that took over her kitchen when Tildy baked apple pie. She wondered if that was what she would scent if she got close enough to Johanna, but did her best to stop herself from going down that particular rabbit hole of thought.

“Do you live here on your own?”

“Oh, no.” Johanna fastened her seatbelt and gave her a pointed look to do the same. In her defence, she was already going to. “With my cousin, Edmund. It used to be a fraternity house, but then the boys graduated and left without being replaced, and only he stayed to do his Masters in Conservation Ecology. Then I came along and he invited me to live with him.”

“Neat.”

Biting her bottom lip to stop herself from chuckling, Johanna had to admit that Black Cat really had a tendency to go back to those one word replies. If that was simply the case, Johanna knew she’d learn to take it as just one of her characteristics, instead of a sign she didn’t want to talk to her.

“Oh, mind if I put on some music?” She asked, already reaching for her cellphone while they were still on campus grounds and there was no need to worry about other cars appearing out of the blue. At Kaisa’s ‘sure, go for it’, she plugged it in and turned on the radio.

Even though Kaisa looked like she preferred some edgier, indie music, or maybe something classic and instrumental, Johanna put on her playlist which she had specifically for when she had to play music she liked for other people, composed of mostly well known songs that even if you didn’t quite like them, you probably would hate them either.

The only change she made to it was adding a girl in red song to the queue right before they crossed the university’s gates and entered the avenue. When it came up, both of them started humming the lyrics to ‘we fell in love in october’, and exchanged shy smiles when they caught the other doing it.

Just as she had planned. The sapphic-to-sapphic communication never failed.

They spent the ride mostly like this, enjoying the songs and making some odd comments here and there when they remembered something interesting. Sooner than Johanna would have liked, Kaisa pointed at a smaller street that branched out of the highway and asked her to turn into it.

The street was only paved with cobblestone, which made them shake in the car, but Johanna didn’t have to drive much further down it. Kaisa’s house was one of the firsts, a lovely cottage which to Johanna looked like it could house a fairy. Or a really nice fairytale witch, those that were full of wisdom and helped you in your quest.

“Just here is lovely.” She said, looking out of the window for longer than she needed to. For some reason it felt really bad to say bye to Johanna. She had seriously considered inviting her in for lunch, but it wouldn’t be polite of her to invite someone her family didn’t even know without giving them any sort of forewarning. “Thank you so much, Johanna. For the ride and for the company.”

Golden Retriever beamed, because of course she did, and tucked a stray auburn curl behind her ear. Her hair looked so soft, it was ridiculous.

“The pleasure was all mine!” Kaisa wouldn’t be able to know how true that really was, but she said it anyway. “Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend. See you Tuesday?”

“Thanks, you too.” She opened her door and stepped out, offering a shy smile of her own. “And yeah, definitely.”

“Great! Tell me how your sister’s scout thing was later. See you soon!”

“See you.” Her voice sounded a little absent minded when she said it as she closed the door, but she hadn’t been able to control it. She’d just been caught unprepared by Johanna remembering and asking about her other appointment that day. Not that it was too impressive, or anything, but outside of her family she couldn’t remember people ever caring enough to remember such small details about her.

Shaking her head, she headed towards her front door, with intricate carvings on the dark wood and a circular brass knob. When she opened it, she turned around to see that the car was still there, and gave it a little wave. Only when she was safely inside her home did she hear her driving away.

………

Later that day, Kaisa would text Johanna to thank her again for going out of her way to help her, and proudly tell her she’d won the Sparrow Scouts trivia with her little sister. Johanna would assure her once again that she had enjoyed doing it, congratulate them, and share that she had been a sparrow scout herself when younger.

Kaisa would answer that she had always been a bookworm, but had loved observing bugs as a child, and Johanna would suggest she talk to her cousin about this. They would joke and share stories from childhood and from their more recent years, and send each other pictures of the mess that had become their personal desks.

Tildy and Frida would look at each other with raised eyebrows when they caught Kaisa giggling at a notification on her cell phone during dinner, and the woman would clutch her heart when she saw her older daughter sit down to read on their couch and then spend a full hour texting away. She’d waited years to see her giving more value to the things that ought to be treasured, and she was surprised and proud to get the feeling that this was a start.

Kaisa knew that all that blue light so close to bedtime (and after a while of texting, way after bedtime as well) would make her cranky and unfocused in the morning, and she’d drink more coffee than she should and get all jittery. She didn’t care. Planning ahead was her nature, but living in the now turned out to be very enjoyable when she was doing it with the right people.

#if u couldn't figure out who Edmund is from the descriprion #*description #I wrote it in the ao3 notes so check that out :)#That's it for this week but not for this verse!#Next week we have some other verse stuff being posted #but hopefully after that I'll come back with the next installment :)#my fic #fic: locus amoenus #verse: carpe diem #sketchbook ship #sketchbook ship hilda #sketchbook ship fanfic #johanna hilda #kaisa hilda #sketchbook college au

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