#lizard secretary

[velt0n]

Animal Study

#painting #digital painting #art #sketch #sketchbook #animal #animal studies #digital art #hippopotamus #secretary bird #lizard #velt0n #wildlife

[agnesandhilda]

so does a disco elysium furry mod exist yet or

#bolo liveblogs #like terrier du bois & kim catsuragi are fairly popular fanon designs so I imagine those would be used #but as for everybody else oh boy I have IDEAS #klaasje should be a fox for the deception symbolism + so there can be a joke about her being a vixen somewhere #I saw a squirrel cuno design once and liked it but maybe he and cunoesse could be some other kind of rodent? idk I just want them to be #little rat kids #cindy the skull should be a vulture. goth girl rights #joyce messier would be one of those really fluffy white cats or maybe a secretary bird? #judit minot gets to be an actual horse sorry I have one joke #for dros I'm either thinking raccoon or some kind of lizard #the hardie boys are all different breeds of dog with varying levels of swag #or maybe that's lazy? idk #ruby the instigator is uhhhhh an owl??

[deliverusfromevillll]

A Sticky Situation [Mammon/F!Reader]

❝ What fuckin' nonsense have ya' been telling y'reself this entire time? ❞

warnings ⨾ blood, descriptions of gore, guns, gunshot wound, choking, swearing, arachnophobia (the irony), established prior connection, soft mammon, sexual content, unresolved sexual tension, resolved angst

terms ⨾ ❝ Drakon ❞ the Latin word meaning "dragon." ❝ Bogan ❞ Australian slang meaning (in negative connotation) someone who's a bit of a nerd or geek, holds no dress sense and/or has poor social skills.

notes  ⨾ I am very much not Australian so when I looked up slang and could not find ANY concrete definitions for anything: I was in major pain. Anyways quick thing because [F/n]'s lore might seem confusing. I created an entirely different race of "humanoid" dragons that acted as the knight/official guards for the Ars Goetia incase of extermination/assassination attempts. [F/n] retired from her position as knight for an unnamed Goetia. This entire chapter was originally 13K words but I felt as though the plot arc with the Goetia drifted way too far from the original point of this fic since it was so, so needlessly lore heavy for a reader insert and made this 100x more angsty like you have no idea. Especially since this is only meant to be two chapters. This chapter was cut down for your reading pleasure!

Chapter 2 smut hyperlink will be added when I release it Ɛ>

As always minors DNI.| 6.3K words

[F/n] and Mammon's relationship is unique.

He was her boss, and she was his secretary.

Running the errands, info graphing, and scheduling his business appointments when due. But it wasn't so simple.

With his artificially friendly attitude in public, behind the scenes he was nothing but cynical— snarky and demanding. Hardly surprising for the king of greed.

[F/n] was no fan, she made it clear.

Despite the lethal glares and threats she managed to shoot a quip or a snark in return each time. It initially prompted a warning hiss or a growl, an insult or a threat.

Then he resorted to shredding through his confined costume to intimidate her one time after they both seriously got into it. Neither party was satisfied in not having the last word.

Despite however many threats were hurled nothing ever came about them.

[F/n] desired the experience the job gave her and Mammon found her too entertaining to simply let go.

[F/n] and Mammon's relationship is undeniably unique.

But damn, there was no shying away from the fact [F/n] did her job exceptionally well. The best in all of Hell. And that's another one of the handful of reasons why he tolerated her.

"Y'er getting on my nerves lizard." Mammon seethes with a false smile.

He sulks leaning away, poisonous puff of green air seeping though his teeth.

[F/n] raises a brow at him, eye roll following. "I need you to work with me here, asshole." [F/n] adjusted herself, turning towards him.

"If you wanna reduce the immediate damage Asmodeus and his little lapdog made we need to start advertising the twins asap. What's bothering you right now?"

Mammon huffed. "The leftover Fizz merch— sales are declining incase ya' haven't seen mate. I'm losin' money."

[F/n] clicked her tongue.

"Whatever doesn't sell now we can resell in a few weeks as vintage or some other bullshit with a higher price tag. You have any idea how much these loser collectors will pay to get their hands on discontinued merchandise?"

That's all it took for Mammon to light up, snatching [F/n] with his top hands in excitement.

"Y'er a bloody GENIOUS!" He shakes her, dropping her instantaneously. "We could double —no— TRIPLE our profits thanks to these degenerates! Ahh I taught ya' so bloody well!"

Mammon splays his hands towards the imaginary dollar signs in the air, clapping eagerly.

"And that's why I love ya' doll!" He shouts with a hefty grin, giving her a final charmed glance as he turned to make way towards the awaiting camera crew. Robo-Fizzies chasing after him with lighting sticks and microphones.

[F/n] catches herself after his stare, the spines on her tail rattling flustered. Her posture eases before anyone else can see as she flicks her tail in response.

Damn did she hate whenever he said things like that.

It's almost as if he knew the effect he had on her, doing and saying things that would purposefully rile her up. [F/n] refused to acknowledge any part of it, counteractive to the very obvious blush on her completion.

Through the commotion, Mammon smiled charismatically in [F/n]'s direction as their eyes met again. This was going to be a long shoot.

"That went better than I expected." [F/n] mumbles. Mammon appearing in a green cloud next to her. Bells chiming happily.

"Why'dya say that? Doubted me?" He rung.

"Well for all the years I've known you— Accepting you got fucked is definitely not something you're known for... You're taking losing your star clown better than I thought."

Mammon chuckles in amusement.

"Star clown? I am the star clown. With or without him I'll still make a fuck ton o' money." He nudges her. "With y'er— uh, our ideas and my reinforcement I don't see any issue mate."

[F/n] looked very, very, unconvinced. Mammon thinks for a moment before shrugging.

"At the end of the day you are my most valuable asset after all."

"What a way to make a girl feel special Ammo." Her eyes roll.

Mammon only giggled for a moment, attention immediately stolen upon taking in a familiar scent.

The smell of coffee meets his nose as they walk before the café in his estate. It takes him no time to decide he's in the mood for another cup of coffee.

[F/n] could already tell by the expression on his face. However unconvinced about giving the bug even more caffeine after his last.

Mammon playfully puts on a puppy-eyed expression as he bends town to her level.

He shoves his face in front of hers, frowning, the green glow of his pupils becoming brighter. "C'mon doll, ya'd say no to my lil 'ol face?"

His smaller spider eyes make a show as he frowns with an exaggerated pointed lip.

She sighs, gently pushing his face away. "Enough with the eyes. I'll be right back... Not like you'd let me say no anyways asshole."

Like a cat that ate the canary, Mammon smiles triumphantly as he took a moment to get seated on one of the empty tables outside the shop.

He enjoys the smell of coffee beans while searching in her direction through the large glass windows. He watches her make some hand motions towards the menu.

Letting out a big yawn, he blinks blearily. He could use a nap after all this.

Exploiting his employees was hard work after all.

Mammon observes her pull out her wallet, swiping her card. His smile becomes gentler, enamored at the idea of her willingness to spend her own money on him.

He became increasingly aware the expression he wore, quickly clearing his throat to look more serious.

It takes the café worker a second to hand her the single cup of coffee alongside a paper bag. He waves her goodbye with a bold wink, [F/n] unable to hold her laugh.

Mammon gritted his teeth. He conditioned his employees not to unnecessarily pester him, or her, especially when they were out together. Seems like one of them hadn't learned this yet. He took a mental note.

He was about to get up from his seat until [F/n] audibly shut the door behind her with a small jingle. She takes a seat across from him as he leaned forward and snatched the drink from her hand.

"'Bout fuckin' time cunt." He grumbles.

Mammon takes a sip of the cold coffee, ignoring his irritation as the sweet contents hit his tongue.

Or at least he tried to, the sweetness of it tasting rather dull part in due to his thoughts.

"Was this made by that fuckin' bogan?" He wonders.

His hand tenses, squeezing the drink at his palm slightly.

"I got you this." [F/n] mumbled, scooting the bag towards him.

Mammon snaps his attention towards back towards her, pausing to glance between her then the baggie before fishing through it. He pulls out a small box, opening it to reveal a cream colored pastry.

It takes him a moment to collect his thought.

Confused, he asks, "Why the cake, doll? Ya' know all I wanted was my coffee."

"You were feeling like shit earlier." She puts it simply.

Mammon shifted from the cake to her in his peripheral vision.

She was worried about him. Had him in her mind. Considerate about how he felt, albeit she wouldn't admit it out loud.

He couldn't help but grow a fat smile, genuine smile, as he scoots closer towards her.

"I'm starting to think ya' actually care about me, love." [F/n]'s eyes widen for a second.

She looks away from him, scoffing.

"Don't overthink it. I don't want to deal with you when you're in a mood."

Mammon takes a small bite, savoring the even sweeter taste. Humming with delight, he takes another portion of it with the plastic spoon, leaning forward to bring it to her mouth.

[F/n] glances between the cake and Mammon, who's unashamedly eagerly watching her.

"I-I don't—"

"Ahh don't fuckin' be like that mate. It's good, try it!"

The dragon takes a bite, flushed, as she ate the piece in silent agreement. Her tail sticking to her leg somewhat embarrassed.

He was right, the pastry was fluffy and flavorful. Not that she expected any different, that was the reason why she bought it for him. She would've never anticipated this however.

Another spoonful reaches her lips, she accepts it without complaint this time. Expression easing. Her tail wags behind her in satisfaction.

Mammon carefully scoops more, bringing it to her face once again.

[F/n] quickly swallows the bit already in her mouth, shaking her head this time.

"I bought it for you, I'm eating more of it than you are. You're being a little bit too charitable."

"Yeah but who's to say I'm not getting anythin' out of feeding ya', love?" He dotes.

[F/n] felt the tips of her ears warm, tail flicking.

Mammon soaks in her flush, turning to take another sip of his coffee. His eyes follow the direction of his lips for a glance before returning at her image.

He freezes for a moment, brows furrowing. Mammon checks the cup again to ensure he saw it correctly. [F/n] immediately notices his expression drop and leans over to see the source.

A phone number was written just under her name with a heart.

"Aw how cute!"

Mammon gags. "Cute?!"

"Yeah, first time someone has done that for me. It's kinda sweet!" [F/n] reaches for the cup, Mammon hisses as he holds it further away.

"Doll, there's no bloody way you're actually interested in this cunt. He's some fuckin' nobody workin' below minimum wage!"

"Oh please, you sound jealous, he was really n—!"

Mammon immediately crushes the cup in his grip, indifferent feeling the coffee spill onto his glove and trickle to the table. He reaches over to grab [F/n]'s extended hand to move it away as he leans towards her features.

His face was centimeters away from hers, sharp breath tickling her features.

"I ain't the sharing type." Mammon growled.

The cup gets engulfed in a green cloud, vanishing as the smoke dissipated. [F/n] glared at the spider, brows furrowed in uncertainty.

He was acting like this again.

"Fucking hell, I didn't want any of your coffee. I just wanted to see the goddamn number."

Mammon blinks, head tilting. He mutters something under his breath as he stands, breaking eye contact.

She thought he was upset over sharing a drink? Far from it, but he wasn't going to clarify if that's the conclusion she came to.

Still holding onto her hand, he strings her up as he gets out of his seat.

"Better ya' don't. This cunt wouldn't even be able to take care of ya'." [F/n] rolls her eyes. Though it didn't go unnoticed, as Mammon grimaced.

"It's impossible to find anyone at all when you scare everyone off." She growls lowly.

"Don't fuckin' hiss at me doll. I'm savin' ya from the embarrassment."

"The embarrassment of what exactly?"

"Of goin' out with the lower class, hells y're considered a knight for the Goetia ain't ya'? Y're not gonna get anythin' worthwhile in some random mutt."

[F/n] swats her tail very irritably, yanking her wrist back forcefully.

A loud tear following in the process.

"I can be with whoever the fuck I want and feel like, I'm not some goddamn princess."

Mammon looks at his glove, seeing as the motion of her pull had tore through the material. It was a reminder of how sharp her scales were.

It wasn't deep enough to cut his actual skin. But the damage on his glove was done. A rush of anger at her defiance. 

He sneers, looking between the café and her short figure. A cloud of green exits through his teeth as he grips her by the neck, lifting her effortlessly to his face.

[F/n] grabs his wrists, squeezing equally as hard, as her wings flutter behind her to give herself some leverage and room to breathe.

She looks genuinely shocked for a moment, though it only took a second for her to regain composure to glare at the sin with bared teeth. Scales began to form on her complexion. 

Mammon stares deeply into her eyes with a menacing smile. His miniature eyes emitting a soft glow.

"REMEMBER Y'R PLACE BENEATH ME BEFORE I REMIND YA'."

He let's her go, watching as she wobbly lands on her feet.

I gust of wind hits his face as she flapped her wings to soften the fall. The scales that covered her face immediately erase as the tension breaks with a longer sharp inhale of air.

They had instantly gained the attention of everyone around them if they hadn't already, silence deafening.

[F/n] felt humiliated. Hurt. Used.

Defeated, for once.

"I don't fuckin' pay ya to run 'round with y'r bitch hormones. I hired ya' to serve me and me only."

[F/n] bites her lower lip, her claw reaching up to feel where his met her throat.

That was the first time he'd ever grabbed her like that. Sure he'd scream and threaten her before, even swung at her at times however each time he did so slow enough to miss.

He'd chuck random items in reach sometimes knowing she could just dodge or fly out of the way.

It never crossed further than that.

Now to be grabbed by the neck? That was new.

The trace of his hand lingered warningly as she tried to sooth over her bruised skin.

She looked up at him, tail tucked in between her legs.

He would only ever harm people he saw replaceable. His subordinates. The realization came crashing down on her incredibly hard.

He could've just as easily killed her in that moment, snapped her neck and that would've been it.

Did their history mean nothing to him? 

What changed?

"Fuck you..." It came as a whisper.

Unsure of whether he heard that or not, he chose to ignore it either way in favor of her tail.

He pointed at it, releasing a laugh as if it was the most amusing thing he'd seen.

It felt nauseating. One moment he was warm: the next, cruel.

Despite all the time spent, she concluded he never saw her as anything further than another form of entertainment.

An animal he can poke and prod for a reaction. Even in her state of shock all he did was laugh. The sound echoed in her head.

A familiar tone rings, buzzing. And Mammon instantly snaps out of his laughter.

He fishes through his pocket to pick up his phone.

His alarm was going off.

"Ahh fuckin' bitch— meeting is about to start." He groans, recovering quickly.

"C'mere." He demands, forgiving the glare she shot at him as he pulled her arm so forcefully she knew she'd bruise.

Mammon teleports the two of them into his office.

The jiggles of coins chime as he lands into his web, [F/n] perched beside him.

Her eyes widen slightly, trying to adjust herself in a better position. She tugs on one of her wings stuck into the webbing with an irritated scowl. He quickly removed the damaged glove and snaps a new one in its place out of thin air.

Mammon, who's busy with a drumstick he seemingly pulled from nowhere, nonchalantly untangles her wing in a simple swipe.

He stops chewing for a second to give her a toothy smirk: [F/n] returning a huff.

"Oh come off it will ya', ya' bitch?"

"We need to talk."

Mammon, who doesn't give it any thought, takes another bite of his food.

"More bitchin'." He imagines.

"Some other time."

[F/n] looks away from him, curling her tail around her leg to try and provide some sort of self comfort. She felt disappointed.

Despite all the breakthroughs made in their partnership, he still treated her like an object. His object. Something he was free to do whatever he wanted to. Truth be told, it stung deeply.

It was the only thing she could think about lately.

There was no denying Mammon grew incredibly on her, she only wished he felt the same in return. Maybe then he wouldn't be so needlessly mean.

Was it something she did? Something she didn't do?

There was no point in even thinking about it, [F/n] didn't want to be embarrassed again. She refused.

Security open the doors of his office, and in come a small group of incubi.

The one leading the group takes a quick bow before the two, tipping his hat while smiling on his way up.

Both watch as they fill the room, trotting with some briefcases in hand. The thumps of their boots semi-absorbed into the carpet they walked on.

"What an honor to see Mammon and his little butterfly, even more so present our wonderful idea to." He starts, slowly pacing left and right.

"We all know about the massive, massive, slaughter that came of the drakon specie during the first war with heaven. Terrible thing really." He smirks.

[F/n] raises her brow, crossing her arms further.

"A bigger shame would be to allow the fun of them go." The incubus pulls out his phone to project a screen before them.

[F/n] and Mammon look less than impressed.

"I present to you the dragon dildo, made with real dragon scales! The synthetic crap can't compare to this." He chuckles, arms extended either way.

The incubi look impressed by their own work. "Dragon scales are the hardest material in all of hell. This thing would be fucking indestructible! It's every horny sinner's dream!"

Mammon yawns, waving a finger.

"And how exactly are ya' going to farm real scales? There's hardly a handful of drakons in all o' hell left mate n' the survivors are all considered royalty."

"Well my good sir, that's where we were hoping you would come in. Seeing as you already possess one of them. I'm sure the king of greed wouldn't mind parting with it in turn for a greater profit."

[F/n] leans out of her seat, seething at the disrespectful implication. "Are you stupid or suicidal?"

The incubus hands one of his partners the briefcase, who held it sideways.

"Oh but my dear, you are very valuable. Your title as knight is only a benefit you see. You can be a brand on its own with how infamous your status was."

He starts unclipping the handles of the case.

"My title was granted to me because of how efficient I was in fighting angels. You— I'd MOP the floor with you."

Mammon tugs her back onto his side. His expression doesn't say much, however, the hand planted around her thigh possessively said it all.

"Y're gonna die for wastin' my time." He snarls, grinning wildly.

Mammon snaps his fingers and in rushes his security of robot Fizzarollis.

[F/n] felt him squeeze her thigh as he presses her deeper into his side. Her initial anger melting as her heart beats faster in reaction. [F/n] stares up at him, his image burning into her mind.

Her hand rested on his chest— able to feel his warmth, his breathing, it felt too intimate.

She felt his heartbeat at her fingertips, beating a tad bit faster than usual.

Then, she remembered. She thought his claim over her was nothing more than superficial, for looks, all this to keep her obedient and lull her back into his claws until the next time she slightly agitated him.

She looks back at the group, frowning.

"Shame, really. I was hoping you'd cooperate for your sake." The incubi frowns.

He opens his briefcase, incubi's devilish smile doesn't go unnoticed.

[F/n], unable to say anything in time, connects two and two as a familiar glint reflects off the metal brandished.

Breaking out of Mammon's grasp, she straddles him and extends her wings— covering as much of him as she possibly could.

A glowing bullet hits [F/n] directly the bend of her wing, the jolt of pain sucking the wind out of her as she slips onto Mammon's stomach.

The incubi's angelic revolver smokes at the barrel.

Security tackles the gunman.

They struggle to get each of his henchmen into cuffs, but with increasing numbers it quickly becomes apparent the gunman along with his goons has no chance.

Mammon immediately moves to shield [F/n] with his body, placing her onto the web. They both look at wound, [F/n] hissing as she tries to stretch her injured wing.

"Fuck— A-Are ya' alright? I didn't think..."

"I'm fine Ammo, he just nailed my joint. That's it." She interrupted, groaning.

His face turns between her injury and her expression several times. He looked worried. His eyes glossed. 

[F/n] frowns.

Electricity flies off of Mammon, turning to look at the commotion behind him. Panic quickly turns into rage as he bursts out of his confined costume with a deafening yell.

The room fills with green.

Sounds of screaming immediately follow.

Mammon smashes some of the incubi into the floor, completely crushed under his weight. He makes sure to smear them in, grinning like a Cheshire cat as he does so.

Those unfortunate enough not to cease on impact were left wailing in agony: taking a fistful of the carpet in a hopeless attempt to pull themselves away with a gaping hole going through their back to their stomach..

It was messy.

The blood from their bodies popped similarly to that of water-balloons. It was a gross, alleviating sight. [F/n] could take comfort knowing sinners like these wouldn't be able to come after her again.

After having his fun, Mammon darts his head towards the remaining incubus.

His mini spider eyes radiated a toxic green as he slinked over. The two robo-fizzies who had captured him meekly raised him towards Mammon: who instantly snatches the man and brings him towards his eye level.

"PLEASE N—"

"B̴͍͚̀E̴̯̘̊G̴͈͍͝ ̸̯̩̌F̸͖̗̈́Ò̸͉́Ṛ̶̪͆ ̶͓̑͒Y̷̥͌͂Ŏ̴̖̩̒U̷̲̳͆͌Ṙ̶̟̂ ̸̦͓͂L̶͍̺̈́Ḯ̸̬F̶̨͓͋̅E̵̩̦̋."

Before even giving him the chance, his please come strangled into whispers as Mammon squeezes him in his fist.

He exhales a large green cloud onto his pitiful expression as he attempts to gasp for air, coughing violently in response. A crack erupts.

Mammon drops him to the floor, watching as he contorted with a deafening scream. Observing him cry for a moment: he does the same as he dealt with the ones previously, popping him like an unwanted pimple.

His breathing labored, the high coming down upon realizing he was the last of the group.

Mammon raises one of his bloodied spider legs out of a fresh carcass, inspecting it, grumbling something under his breath.

The security group of robo-fizzies seem unsure on how to proceed, each of them timidly watching awaiting orders.

"The fuck are ya' looking at? Get this cleaned up NOW!" He roared.

The robots scrambled, tumbling over each other as they struggled to organize themselves.

Mammon slinks back towards [F/n], expression instantly softening.

She lets out a whine, yanking out the glowing particle as the pain of it courses through her back. "Gods fuck that hurt..." [F/n] bit her tongue, aimlessly tossing the bullet at the floor.

"Shit, let's go get ya' patched up beautiful." He mumbles, taking her carefully into his arms as if she'd shatter entirely at the slightest bump.

"Fucking— OW!"

"Ahh can ya' fuckin' hold still for a minute mate!?"

Mammon quickly wraps a thick webbing around her wing, using a splint to keep it straight in place.

[F/n] squirms, suppressing the acid-ball forming at her throat. Mammon makes his final wrap as he sticks the web onto itself, hands gently caressing her wing.

He sighs.

Neither of them say anything for a moment. The silence deafening as the reality of the situation sinks in.

He frowns, gently letting go of his work.

Moving to cup her cheek as he turns her expression towards him even gentler, afraid he would somehow shatter her.

"Why the face? What's the matter beautiful?"

There it was, again, the rapid beating of her heart over his artificial pet names.

"Nothing. Just... I can't fucking believe I got shot right in the elbow." She mumbles, sparing a glance at his handiwork on her wing.

"Normally my scales are able to tank angelic bullets... Maybe I'm becoming weak." [F/n] sighed.

"I, uh, well ya'know... That bullet would'a sent me to the bloody hospital. Cunt aimed for my head." Mammon swallows.

He drags a finger under the fabric of his neck, pulling on it momentarily.

"And honestly... I think y're the only bloody demon crazy enough who'd ever do anything like that for me."

He strokes the webbing gingerly, feeling the material brush against the rest of her scales. He paused.

Mammon tenses slightly as he rehearsed his next sentence in his mind dozens of times, feeling awkward as the very unfamiliar phrase leaves his tongue.

"So —uh— I appreciate ya' more than ya' think..."

It falls silent as her face hues.

Though it doesn't bother him remotely, continuing to massage around the bend of her wing.

If only he were consistently like this. Then it would make the signs so much more visible.

Visible he actually wanted her.

[F/n] swallows thickly, doing her best to calm the trot in her chest. She knew despite everything if she could go back in time she wouldn't change the outcome of it.

Even in the chaos of it all she cared too deeply about him to imagine him hurt. With that, the wave of knowing she completely lost to him finally came crashing down on her.

Their game of chess was finally concluded, he won, and that's why she needed to get out.

"Mammon we really need to talk."

Her wing pulls away from his petting, curling back into its usual space. He seemed disappointed as the warmth of her injured limb left his grasp.

"What about?"

Her lips quiver, the frown on her expression breaking through the poker face she tried to maintain. Her eyes water, tail curling.

She thinks of all of their mishaps together. To when she first agreed to work with him, their first banter, their first success together, how they progressively got more and more comfortable with each other.

She went from someone behind the scenes to being his only companion. He was a hothead, but so was she. But their differences felt too great: the hot and cold treatment was driving her crazy.

"We need to end our contract."

Mammon blinked. Frozen.

He slowly clenches his fists impossibly hard.

"Why? Was it because o' that fuckin' incubus? Y-Ya' watched me kill 'em. I promise next time I—"

"It's not that. None of that."

"Then what is it? Fuck changed?"

"Mammon as much as I love being here with you and working alongside you, I just can't be around you anymore."

It was obvious he didn't understand, his pause with unsure searching eyes sought to try and read the static expression she did her best to maintain. 

"I'm sorry."

Mammon felt himself burn. He felt his insides ignite with such intense desperation with a feeling he didn't entirely recognize.

Even knowing her more basic tasks could be given to someone else to fill just as easily did nothing to reassure him.

Hells he didn't feel this lost when Fizz quit his position. He got over that so insanely fast. It was deeper than that.

This was the only person he remotely cared about in all of hell resigning.

The idea felt so unreal.

"I'm so sorry." [F/n] repeated.

The click of her boots echo as she walked towards the double doors of his bedroom. Like a whisper, she faded.

Mammon watches as her tail hovers just above the ground. Immediately noting how she didn't just drag it as she normally would. The low rattle it'd make was erased, as if she wanted to create the least bit of noise possible.

Why? Did he scare her?

Nonsense. She was the only one who wouldn't cave to his ridiculous disrespect despite his threats. And though it did get in his nerves initially, it grew on him and made everything in his life new again.

He enjoyed hearing her voice.

Hearing her talk about frivolous, nonsensical, shit. Enjoyed observing the smallest things about her.

Like the way she would hide the joy in her expression but unable to maintain the same façade in her eagerly wagging tail.

Or the way her wings would flutter for a second whenever she was blushing.

Or when she would get too excited her hair would pulse the color of her element. And how whenever she's extremely upset her clear complexion starts forming scales as if she were ready to morph.

Or how she sometimes has difficulty not tearing clothes due to the sharpness of her claws. She would always let out a loud groan and a few swears before deciding if it were salvageable.

He felt electricity course through his body. His eyelid twitching.

[F/n] hugged herself, shutting the door behind her as she power walked through his manor.

She used her sleeve to wipe away the tears before they could spill. Quietly whimpering to herself to alleviate the ache in her chest.

She doesn't get very far however, before snapping out of her emotions as a loud bang interrupts her.

[F/n] points her gaze backwards, watching the doors fly open while cracking at the force of his push.

"OUR CONVO AIN'T OVER!"

She backs up hesitantly as Mammon runs at her. The thumping of his soles grew louder, seemingly indifferent at the idea he may trample her.

Clouds of swamp green smoke exit through his teeth. He halts just before her, punching a hole through the wall next to them to release his rage. Chips of brick and dust recoil along with his fist.

"You— YA' THINK YA' CAN JUST JOG OFF?" He growled, leaning down as he stared at her.

"Whatever idea ya got in that pretty lil' head o' yours, toss it. I won't break our contract. You are MINE."

[F/n] sighed, eyebrows furrowed as she shook her head at him.

"You don't get it." Her disbelief erases as her head comes to point towards his.

She snaps her fingers and out manifests a golden sheet between them with both their signatures held within the bottom. 

"It's written agreement in our contact that only requires the consent of one party to break it."

Mammon felt a drop of sweat come down his neck.

He froze. The pain grew.

And she was right, the section she was referring to glowed faintly among the rest of the text as she highlighted it. Demanifesting as she withdrew her hand.

"A rule you imposed since you were initially skeptical about my performance in your estate."

"I- I... Fuckin'..."

It goes silent.

The rush of anger evaporated from his body with the sparks. Feeling at a loss on what to say, Mammon swallows thickly as he blinks.

He reaches a hand to clutch the material over his chest, squeezing it.

His gaze eventually trails back to hers.

His mind returns to the thought of massive their height difference was. She was so small compared to him. It made his heart chirp. His hand comes up to erase the flustered look looming on his features.

Mammon recollects himself as best he can in a pathetic attempt. He brushes his hat shakily, the bells chiming as the material bounced back.

"So then tell me why—?"

[F/n] growls, pressing her claws into her palm.

"STOP!" She shouts at him, quickly wiping away at the corner of her eyes. "D-Don't make this needlessly complicated."

Again with the tears, only this time she couldn't prevent them.

Mammon frowned, reaching out to her. He wanted to console her, wipe away those tears. It pained him knowing he was the source.

The tip of his index finger brushed against her cheek unable to get far.

[F/n] swatted away his hand. And that hurt him.

"You fucking... g-goddamnit you fucking dumbass... Can't you see what's going on?" She hissed stomping a few steps away from him.

"I fell so hard for you, and it fucking blows because I can't just have you." She turned towards him.

[F/n] gestures to herself angrily through her cries. "Do you fucking get it now?! I'm in LOVE with you— that's why I need to get the hell away from you. I want to be something more to you but you'll only ever see me as your subordinate."

She shouted, adrenaline coursing through only heighted by her emotional outburst.

Mammon grabs her despite her struggling with his lower pair of hands, leaning over and forcing her to allow him to clean her face.

He absorbs her tears through the material of his upper pair of gloves with gentle strokes.

She grips his wrists with enough force that'd dislocate them if he were any other sinner. He felt her tremble against him.

How could he not notice her pain before?

How long ago did she start feeling this way?

There was a pool of regrets swimming in his chest and among them the biggest was not erasing her doubts sooner.

"What fuckin' nonsense have ya' been telling y'reself this entire time? I'm smitten with ya' dollface."

"You're a king sin— hell you outed Asmodeus for dating someone beneath him, how am I any different from that? People would think you're a hypocrite."

"Ya' think I give a remote fuck about what these cunts think? I'm the richest fucker in all o' hell, I didn't get here caring about what some bitch thinks o' me. I don't really give a flying shit about Asmodeus fuckin' some circus imp."

[F/n] immediately becomes less resistant to his advance. [E/c] eyes staring up at him in disbelief.

She searched desperately for any indication he was lying.

Mammon cups her jawline.

"I dunno how ya' haven't realized how obsessed I am with ya'... Thought it was reaaal obvious: I mean for fuck's sake I don't wanna be anywhere without ya'. Everything I do is with you." Mammon sighed nervously.

He lifted her in her arms, bringing down his face to gently set his forehead onto hers.

He didn't entirely recognize it before, but now that the cat was out of the bag it was so painfully apparent.

Everything he did was by her, to her, and for her. He found himself more temperamental and bored in the situations he had to exist without her. The cogs in his head finally spun, blushing for a mere moment as he finally admitted it out loud. 

"I'm obsessed with ya princess. I'm fuckin' crazy over you."

If her heart pounded any faster she was sure she'd pass out.

Her eyes glued to the tiny white slits in the sea of bright green within his eyes.

They both glance down at each other's lips then back at their gaze.

Immediately realizing what the other was doing, they both smash into each other desperately. Mammon felt a firework go off in his head. She was putty in his hands. A little butterfly caught in his web.

He growled.

[F/n] caresses his features, brushing her thumbs over his cheeks and pulling him closer.

A surge of electricity runs through his expression and tickles hers affectionately. It courses her hands and down her arms eagerly. 

Mammon drags his bicolored tongue across her lips, pushing himself in at the slightest gap.

Their tongues dance and with no protest Mammon explores his new territory. Their teeth clatter, Mammon doing his best not to pierce her.

The taste of coffee and pastries still lingered strongly on his saliva. Their tongues dance, aching. It's as if they couldn't get close enough to one another, both feverishly pushing into each other craving every bit of contact the other could provide.

Pleased with her submission, he makes way back into his room.

Massaging her ass with his upper pair of hands and grabbing onto her heels with the other. [F/n] releases a muffled moan.

Mammon breaks the kiss first, glancing at the spirit trail that still connected them. He licks the drool from his lips, savoring their long overdue tension-breaker.

He steals a few more pecks before taking a seat on his bed, holding onto her. He brushed a strand of her [h/c] hair out of her face.

Mammon chuckled softly, enamored with the bright hue on her complexion: gaze hungry.

Mammon stares at her. Unmoving. As his breathing very audibly becomes heavier.

It takes him a painful few seconds to snap out of his own trance.

"As much as I wanna fold ya' in my bed and have ya' take care of my stiffy— y're injured and need to rest princess."

"Oh come the fuck on Ammo, I'm fine!" [F/n] pouts, huffing while trying to feel him up through his clothes.

She slinks downwards to attempt and grind against the growing tent underneath his layers of clothes to entice him.

Mammon with every bit of self control in his body, has none of it, interwinding her hands into his instead with force as he pulls her back up to steal another peck.

"I love y're excitement but I will hurt you."

"You're no fun."

"You'll fuckin' get what you want later... Needy whore."

He scoots closer into bed.

Mammon snaps his fingers. A puff of green surround both of them, clearing quickly to reveal he had changed them into their sleepwear. He smiles softly.

His blanket flies over them as he adjusts more comfortably, plopping [F/n] on his chest.

[F/n] coils into a ball, purring happily while nuzzling herself into the crook of his neck. She quickly settles. His hand reaches to pet her hair lovingly, listening patiently as her purring gradually became more distant overtime until she drifted off entirely. 

Mammon sighed with satisfaction, captivated, only then closing his eyes. "Y're gonna stay mine forever." 

#hazbin hotel #helluva boss mammon #mammon x reader #helluva boss #Helluva boss mammon x reader #Helluva boss x reader #hazbin hotel x reader #x reader #reader insert #fem reader #mammon x you #mammon x y/n #mammon helluva boss #mammon apologist

[samble-moved]

god is a fourteen year old girl who committed a quasi altruistic suicide for all of magical-girlkind. her (angel?) secretaries are another fourteen year old girl who's also a mermaid and an elementary schooler who's really into cheese, who is known for decapitating another girl. god's girlfriend became the devil after being trapped for over a decade in a timeloop, and she likes lizards and teeth.

#pmmm #madoka magica #walpurgisnacht rising #walpurgis no kaiten #sambles #suicide m

[battle-of-the-birds]

Common Raven

The common raven is a very smart bird. They have even been found to be drawn to gunshot sounds, as they know hunters will often kill animals. People have always been fascinated by ravens, and in London it’s said that if the ravens of London tower ever leave the whole British empire will crumble! They’re also seen as tricksters in Pacific Northwest Native American tribes. In one myth, they are told to have brought fire to people by stealing the sun. Learn More! Much More

Secretary Bird

With big, voluptuous eyelashes, the Secretary Bird lives in Africa. They are known for their long legs, used to strike down snakes, lizards, insects, and other small creatures. Although we often think of them as eating mainly snakes, that is not actually a large part of their diet. It consists mainly of insects. They will strike with 5 times their own body weight, and will sometimes hunt in small groups. Learn More!

(Common Raven photo by Yeray Seminaro) (Secretary Bird photo by Shailesh Pinto)

#bird battle #round seven #birds #polls #common raven #raven #secretarybird #secretary bird #semifinals

[idolomantises]

Do you have a favorite lizard and/or bird

Fave lizard would be a three way tie between a Komodo dragon, frill neck lizard and chameleon

Favorite bird? A tie between secretary birds and bearded vultures

#ask quill

[mysoncookie]

Genshin Impact Must-Reads

Entirely Out of Spite by bgtea

╰┈➤ Available on Ao3, On Going, Alternate Universe, Transmigration au, Inspired by Scum Villain Self-Saving System, Romance, Comedy, Fluff & Angst, Slow Burn | Wordcount: 445,612

A Meeting of Uncles and Aunties by bgtea

╰┈➤ Available on Ao3, Complete, Fluff & Humor, Idiots in Love, Fatui Harbingers as Found Family, Childe is the baby of the group | Wordcount: 81,112

I Became the Acting Sage's Secretary and Witnessed the Romance of a Lifetime by bgtea

╰┈➤ Available on Ao3, Complete, Romance, Comedy, Romantic Comedy, Fluff & Humor | Wordcount: 4,815

Ajax's Adventure With Dog-Lizard by bgtea

╰┈➤ Available on Ao3, Complete, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fluff, Domestic Fluff, Everything is Beautiful & nothing hurts, Comedy | Wordcount: 35,456

Pulcinella's Guide to PR and Marketing - Idol Edition by bgtea

╰┈➤ Available on Ao3, Complete, Pulcinella POV, Alternate Universe - Idols, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Post-Canon, Humor, Romance, Fluff & Crack | Wordcount: 20,379

alexa, define sanity? by Kazuko (KIXXEN)

╰┈➤ Available on Ao3, On Going, Alternate Univers - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Chatting & Messaging, Crack, Attempt at Humor, Swearing | Wordcount: 112,188

Toy Soldier is Retired by Seychie

╰┈➤ Available on Ao3, On Going, Time Travel, Age Regression/De-Aging, Age Progression/Aging, Old Tartaglia, Parental Tsaritsa, Tiny bit of Angst, Comedy, Fluff, Mutual Pinning, Crack Treated Seriously, Time Travel fix-it | Wordcount: 23,828

Mother's Laughter by ilya_264

╰┈➤ Available on Ao3, Complete, Misunderstanding, Reconciliation, Getting Back Together, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence | Wordcount: 7,250

Death Became Him by Merianon

╰┈➤ Available on Ao3, On Going, Temporary Character Death, Time Travel, Not Canon Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff & Angst | Wordcount: 288,986

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

that all for now! I would share more but I'm currently in class.

anyways, I know it's a lot of the same author but their fics are so good!! highly recommend checking them out!! ofc check out the other authors as well!!

#genshin impact #genshin #fanfic #fanfiction #fic recommendation #fic recs #fic rec #tartaglia #childe tartagalia #genshin tartagalia #childe #zhongli #ao3 fanfic #ao3fic #ao3 #genshin impact fanfics #diluc ragnvindr #genshin diluc #kaeya alberich #genshin kaeya #lumine #aether #genshin traveler #dainsleif #beidou #ningguang #genshin venti #genshin xiao #zhongchi #childe x zhongli

[lesserknownwaifus]

Lizard secretary, rabbit waitress and elephant cashier from "T.U.F.F. Puppy", episode "Top Dog"

.

#t.u.f.f. puppy

[sukunastoy]

Y’all I got an interview Tuesday for a possible job that would be 100% STAY AT HOME!!! 😭😭

I’ll be a virtual assistant/operator/secretary type person if I get hired. I’ll answer incoming calls, so no outbound shit. (I’ve done sales calls before…god awful and stressful shit!!)

But I’d be answering calls from Australia, Canada and the USA at all different hours and I don’t have to see these people. 🥹 Just find out why they’re calling, what company they’re trying to reach, and I transfer/assist accordingly!!

It’s a bit of a pay cut…but I won’t have to leave home, I can be at my desk in my room with my lizards all day!! 😭😭 I have to study some material before my interview cause we’ll be doing mock calls and evaluating what I’m good at or need to learn and hopefully I’ll get hired! ;—;

Pray/hope/wish for me, or whatever type of voodoo juju that you do!!

I’m hoping this will be something I’m able to draw with if there is any down time. 🙏🙏 I’m so exhausted after I get home from my current job that I can hardly get anything done.

(●´ω｀●)

[girlballs]

what are your top 10 beasts. in general or on tumblr or whatever

in no particular order:

long armed squid

elephant seal

secretary bird

this funny dog drawn by @multibugorganism

aardwolf

gharial crocodile

carpenter ant

pigeon

anolis lizards

grackle

#asks #anonymous #epic beasts

[clarissasbakery]

About the Pokémon AU, Miss Power as Pheromosa is good and all, but hear me out

Mega Absol.

Because it looks all angelic and shit with the wings kinda like how Miss Power was initially passing herself off as this really good superhero.

And Mega Absol has fur covering the side of its face like Miss Power's fringe covering her scaly face so the Pokémon AU version of Miss Power ripping her fringe off to reveal her lizard face could be Mega Absol reverting back to her original form, revealing that her face is clawed/scarred or something.

And Absol is an omen of doom so it's visual foreshadowing that Miss Power is actually evil.

Also Mr Big as Wigglytuff (PINK SQUISHY BUNNY!!!) and Leslie as female Meowstic

And Rhyme and Reason as either Alolan Vulpix and Regular Vulpix or Pachirisu and Morpeko (because Rhyme has the same colour scheme as Pachirisu and also buck teeth)

more pokemon au cus this ask fueled me

Mr. Big as Wigglytuff is so good…. i made leslie an espathra cus tall secretary bird with karen cut fits her. i really love the idea of miss power being mega absol, i think i may draw thag soon!!!

as for rhyme and reason i like those ideas!! maybe even rhyme as alolan ninetales cus she’s tall….

#wordgirl #illustration #my art! #my art #becky botsford #fan art #my artwork #pokemon au #pokemon #pokemon redesigns #eevee #grookey #chuck the evil sandwich making guy #wigglytuff #mr big #miss question #alolan raichu #emboar #the butcher #espathra #leslie #tobey mccallister iii #captain huggyface #pikachu #lady redundant woman #rotom

[itsohh]

The Contract

A/N: G/N reader, this is the sort of introduction to the vampire AU which will branch out into different one-shots with different characters. This is just a fun little AU which @lululandd​ and I have been playing around with. (So credit for some of the ideas goes to them)

Summary: When given an opportunity to branch out for a promotion, you couldn't help but jump at the opportunity. Yet with a large amount of paperwork to be signed, you find yourself in a new world that you never knew existed.

Word count: 2793

Warnings: None

AO3 Masterlist

In your lifetime you had seen a lot of paperwork. If there was one thing you were used to, was bureaucracy. The stack of papers in front of you, however, brought things to a different level. The stack Laswell had placed in front of you was about the size of a child and you were, frankly, a bit surprised she could even carry it all. Her hand slipped down the side about a fifth of the way down and picked up part of the stack and placed it on the desk. “This is your contract.” Her eyes met yours for a moment then she placed her hand on the free stack. “This is your NDA.”

“Pardon?” You had signed a lot of things and seen a lot of NDAs in your lifetime. Never like this before.

“The contract highlights all the duties you will be required to perform. I can not allow you to look at it before you have agreed to the NDA. It goes into the specifics of what will happen if you attempt to disclose everything including the risk to your life if you agree.” She informed you. “This NDA and contract relies heavily upon you knowing and understanding what every single word means. The pair of us will be going over it together. If you wish for a lawyer to be present I must insist that they be one of our approved list.”

“Is that even legal?”

“This is…something outside the limits of the law. Your usual laws do not come into play with this agreement. It is part of an international agreement signed by the secretary of state. I can tell you this, the moment you sign this NDA, your life will never be the same.” Your eyes focused on her and your lips opened slightly. “You will not be reprimanded for refusal, everything will return to how it was and nothing will change for you.”

“Are we living in the matrix or something?” You leaned forward and you saw the small corner of his lip curl up and you swallowed. “Ma’am.”

“Sign and find out.”

-

Laswell had given you a week to fully process everything and come back with your answer. The deep breath she had taken when you signed that NDA. There was a certain fear in her eyes. Almost like a weight had been lifted off her back but immediately replaced with a new one. You blinked a few times at the woman as a fury of emotions cross your face. “Is this a joke? A test?” Your eyes searched her body and she shook her head.

“This is no joking matter.”

“Vampires? Like real life? Ma’am, you can’t be serious. Is this a metaphor? Or a codename?”

“No. I understand this can take a while to process.”

“This is some grade-A conspiracy theory stuff. Vampires? I can understand aliens like the universe is a big space but what is secretly lizard people too? Pigeons that all secretly all cameras.”

“Aliens aren't our concern. Thats an FBI matter-”

“-What?”

“Lizard people are just a stupid thing that people made up decades ago and pigeon theory is illogical at best. We already have the technology for surveillance, cameras are almost everywhere in cities. People's phones, social media. Birds? That would be a pointless waste of resources.” She blinked a couple of times. “Regardless, vampires are indeed all around you. They blend in perfectly with humans.”

“Is that what all the murders are around us in the world?”

“No, those most of the time are just humans. But I can understand why would ask that with media. Vampires haven’t particularly needed to feed from veins since at least the early 19th century.”

“Because of blood donations?”

“No, those are all used in human medical treatment. Powered plasma became extremely widespread as it involves zero risk for everyone involved. It doesn’t provide as many nutrients as straight from the vein but unless you were actively dying... There is no need.”

“Dying? Vampires can die? Aren’t they all like undead or something.”

“Undead isn’t a term I like to use. In all ways, vampires are alive. They are different humans yes and can survive most terms of attack. They can still die.”

“How do you kill one then?” She paused at your question but decided to answer it.

“Complete unrepairable damage to the heart or removal of the head.”

“So the whole stake thing?”

“Works but only if you aim correctly. A stake would have to be made from pure silver and thick enough to destroy the majority of the heart. Removal of the head is fair easier or in the modern age a grenade if hit centre enough would work fairly well.”

“Okay wait, Ma’am, hold on. Does this mean they are affected by warfare?”

“Very much so. The vampire population may be far smaller, minuscule compared to the human population but like I said. They are very much all around you at all times.”

“People I know?” You tapped the centre of your chest with your finger and wet-pressed her lips together.

“Yes.”

“Will you tell me who?”

“It will be important for you to know part of your job so if you choose to accept this contract then I will.”

“I haven’t automatically taken the job by signing the NDA?”

“Of course not, this NDA is about vampiric race. One I had to sign a long time ago. You are part of this world now yes but that doesn’t mean you are forced into this job. You could very well go back to your previous position. Your life would be heavily monitored, but it already is. You wouldn’t notice a thing. No one would believe you regardless. I wouldn’t want to imagine what knowing such a secret without anyone to speak to would do for your mentality but regardless. This job is a taxing one which will see the use of all your skills. I will not force you into it.” Her eyes went to the stack of papers that had been on the desk for two weeks, the bindings untouched. “Now, shall we?”

-

Minutes ticked by as you looked at the signed paper. “So… I’m your assistant now?”

“To a degree, the role's name is a handler.” She pulled out a small book from inside her jacket and handed it to you. It was old, really old. It had to be at least fifty years old, probably older.

“What's this?”

“Something I started when I became a handler. It’s all the information on vampires that you could possibly need to know. Common mutations, limitations and how to deal with our charges.”

“Ma’am- this is like a hundred years old.” You looked down at the old book and open the pages to see the cursive writing on it with a couple of diagrams.

“Eighty-one years to be exact.”

“And you said you wrote this?” The gears turned in your head and you looked up at her to her waiting eyes. The pair of you stared at each other for a moment. “Are you…?” Your voice carried off while her lips turned into a smile with a slight chuckle. Laswell looked away for a moment and nodded her head. “I was turned after the end of the war.”

“Which war?”

“World War 2. I’m the only handler that's been changed. It was quite the fuss about it but the matter was settled with the creation of the CIA.”

“Why did you change?”

“I was good at my job. Tensions have always been high between humans and vampires and I helped settle that.”

“Then why bring me aboard?” Laswell looked down at the paper you had just signed.

“Vampires can be affected by stress too. Not to the extreme states that humans are but I recognised I was neglecting my role as a handler. With my current position at the CIA, I am unable to perform all my duties to the quality that they require. People will suffer because of that.” You couldn’t help but stare at her as she spoke, your eyes dead set on her mouth. Laswell picked up on the matter almost immediately

Her head tilted slightly and she gave you a knowing look. A look that had your eyes snap up to hers. “For the future, some vampires may take offence to staring at the teeth. I don’t mind, this is, after all, a lot to get used to. I am the exact same person that I was to you yesterday. You will have a lot of questions, all should be answered in that book but a book isn’t the same as real life now is it?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“While it's the two of us, Laswell is fine.” You nodded at her correction and your eyes flashed down to her lips again.

“If you have any questions Agent, you have my permission to ask. If you have questions ever at all I highly advise you to come to me about them. Not all vampires are as patient as you will soon learn.”

“Do you have fangs?”

“I do. Mine are retractable but not everyone is as lucky.”

“What do you mean?”

“Vampires aren’t all the same, we have variation, mutations like humans would. Who our creator is or 'master' if you're more old fashioned, can affect the traits and change to your body. Some vampires are left with a set that won't retract. Normally when that happens the vampire will purposely file them down. There's no need for them to be that sharp.” You looked away at the thought as you debated whether to ask her or if it would be rude. “Would you like to see?” Your eyes snapped to Laswells and you nodded right away. Her teeth flashed as she laughed and nodded. It was a little strange when Kate leaned forward and opened her mouth wide. In all ways, she looked completely human. There wasn’t a thing off about her. Then with a flex of her muscles, her teeth slid out at an insane speed. Despite being prepared for it, you jumped back in your seat with wide eyes.

There was no denying the truth now. Her upper canines had shot down while her lower ones shot up but not as long as her upper ones. You stared at them for what had to be about five minutes before Kate leaned back on her chair and they retracted back into her mouth. As if nothing had happened.

“Does it hurt?”

“No. At least not for me, every vampire is different. She smiled and placed her hands on her lap. “Any other burning questions at the moment?”

“No ma’am.” Laswell gave you a nod and leaned over to her bag. A group of folders were pulled from the bag and she placed them on the desk. “These are our charges. Specifically the top case.” You grabbed the top folder and opened it. “That there is Captain John Price. True age unknown. All you need to know is that he's been alive for a very long time.” You glanced at the picture of him and started to skim his official military record. You flicked through the page and found the ink had changed from the usual black to navy blue. “Everything in blue is class x.” There you started to read the true documented history of his military past. It was extensive.

“Price was one of the vampires who created the vampire-human treaty alliance after the fall of the vampire council.”

“When was that?”

“About three hundred years ago. Vampires were to be treated the same as humans for their crimes and punished as so. He was one of the first enforces of this. It wasn’t until the creation of powered plasma that tensions really died down, that most of the vampiric population adhered to the treaty. There still is the odd vampire who refuses to use powder but so long as they obey the human laws of the country they are in, there's nothing we do.”

“Why wouldn’t you use the powder? Is it hard to eat?”

“Well, you don’t leave it in its powdered form. You heat water and add it. Think of instant coffee. From what I’ve heard from Price, the taste isn’t comparable to human blood. I’ve tried real blood.” You looked down the file, it was obvious a lot was missing or blacked out. “Offspring?” You read out, everything under it was blacked out.

“The registry records who your creator is. We have certified offspring and uncertified offspring. Certified offspring is when both the newborn and the creator testify the same. Uncertified is when only one party agrees. In my case, I am a certified offspring of Price’s.”

“Your charge changed you?” You raised your brows.

“Yes. Now, the next is Lieutenant Simon Riley.” She directed you to the next folder, changing the subject. You didn’t push the matter. You thought that Price’s folder was rather empty, Rileys was on a different level. There was almost nothing inside. You did see one redacted name under his offspring count.

“He goes by Ghost.”

“Laswell, this is an empty folder.” Laswell let out a laugh and nodded.

“Ghost’s identity is a very classified matter. These files of theirs won’t tell you too much. He wears a mask at all times. He may seem intimidating at first but you will get used to him.” You pulled out the next folder.

“Soap?” Your eyes immediately drew to his nickname.

“Sergent Johnny McTavish. Goes by Soap or John. Don’t call him Johnny, he doesn’t like it.” Your eyes looked over to his military history.

“He fought in World War 2 when he was human?”

“Yes, he was changed a few years before I was. Your final charge is Gaz. Or Kyle Garrick. You frowned as you looked at the file, it had relatives listed in it, his birthdate. His file seemed completely normal as if you were looking at a human file. You gave Laswell a slightly confused look and she looked away for a second and then looked back at you.

“Garrick is still considered a newborn. His creator is unknown but Price has taken the role up. Garrick must be always paired up with either Price or Ghost. Preferably Price.”

“Why?”

“Vampires are apex killers by nature. We, of course, are more than that nature, but it takes time to control one's self. These men all belong to battlefields, they are constantly surrounded by blood and learned to control themselves far quicker than most have to. There's still always the risk with someone as young as Garrick, it's best to be safe.”

“I’ll be assigning them missions?” You looked a little taken back.

“No, in the odd case that I am unable and someone else is in charge of their mission it's important your my voice in my stead. You will be responsible mainly for making sure they receive the proper food in the field and at times may be sent out with them.” You swallowed, you recall reading that in the contract and nodded.

“I’ve never been into an active warzone before.”

“You have been to bases and have combat experience. You can handle it. They will listen to you, they may not like it, but they will. In three days time we will meet with Price. Perhaps some of the team, it's important that you develop a level of trust, familiarity and respect. It’s been a long time since the Captain has had a different handler. Don’t worry about him, spend tomorrow going through that book I gave you. It has more information than any file that I can give to you. I suggest writing out a copy of it, writing notes may help you. Whatever notes you make you must guard with your life, make the book highly flammable and keep a lighter on you at all moments if you don’t already. None of this can get into the enemy's hands.”

“Yes ma’am.”

“I’ll pick you up from your apartment in two days. Be packed and ready to go.”

“The contract said I would be stationed in England right?”

“That's correct, having you close to them will make things far easier. Your current accommodation, do you have plans for it?”

“I was unsure if I would be staying here. I’ve talked a bit with a real estate agent but not much further than that.”

“Sell it if you have no plans on coming back here, you won’t be positioned here long term in the future. If you are needed here I will arrange accommodation, a hotel. All expenses will be paid.”

“What time should I expect you?”

“0500 hours, we have a flight to catch.”

“Yes ma’am.”

#mw2 x reader #modern warfare 2 #cod x reader #call of duty

[devilsrecreation]

All these oc’s but not enough threats, so let’s turn the sound up! You know what? I think it’s time for a villain roundup! (VILLAIN ROUNDUP)

Chonge (fang)-puff adder

I wouldn’t say Chonge is evil per se, more like misunderstood. He’s faced quite a bit of trauma in his past and his entire life thinking he was destined to be the bad guy. In reality, he’s afraid. He’s seen how his fellow snakes have been treated and has even watched his friends die with his own eyes. This got him to view everyone around him as an enemy in fear of getting eaten or mistreated in any way. He often tries to eat at least one of the skinks

He eventually starts thinking differently after getting rescued by Kifo, leading him to reform. No one (especially not the skinks) trust him at first, but they warm up to him

Chimp-Mkatili (cruel)

The leader of his tribe of violent chimps whom act like a gang. He’s an old acquaintance of Sumu and is majorly unpredictable. He can be chill one minute and trying to beat you senseless the next. Nobody really knows why he and his chimps are like this, but it seems as though he does bad things just because he can. He currently has a vendetta against the Outlands, as his former home got destroyed during Scar’s rule during Season 2. They now live probably in another forest out of the Pridelands and are plotting their revenge to destroy the Outlands and everyone in it, no matter what things are like now

As for how he knows Sumu, Sumu was a known hitman/assassin who would frequently get involved with evil animals to kill someone for food as payment. Yeah, the job with Simba was NOT his first rodeo, he’s been doing it for a while. Anyway, Mkatili was no exception to this and has hired Sumu to help them get rid of a rival chimp tribe. They eventually meet each other again, but a now (semi) reformed Sumu refuses Mkatili’s offer to join him which ultimately pisses the chimp off

Secretary bird-Kandamiza (crush; oppress)

A snobbish, holier-than-thou bird who thinks all snakes are evil incarnate and does whatever she can to harm them. She does this by trapping a poor serpent in her talons and stomping on their head until they’re either knocked out or dead. In her mind, she feels as if she’s protecting all of Africa from the evil that is the serpent race. Like Hatari, she claims she respects the circle of life, but fails to understand how snakes are part of it. She’s basically a representation of Hollywood’s tendency to make snakes the villain

She’s also a threat to the lizard population and tends to get a little greedy when hunting

Honey badger-Mpinzani (challenger; opponent)

Bunga, but evil. That’s how everyone in the Outlands describe him. A narcissistic, egotistical poacher who will gladly take anyone in anything. He used to be somewhat idolized as a hero/daredevil way back when, but all that fame got to his head and he started thinking he could do no wrong. Then he began causing problems just so he can swoop in and resolve it and starting unnecessary fights with other animals. He was eventually caught and banished, now poaching anywhere he wants …including the Outlands. Oh, and he’s friends with mongooses because of course he is

He doesn’t want peace. He wants problems.

Black shadow-like monsters- represent poachers/people involved with the Exotic Pet Trade

This one is….pretty self explanatory I think. Although I will say they are easily the most dangerous villains

Msumari (nail) and Mkaidi (bully)

Two more of Kenge’s toxic siblings who act as henchmen to Jino.

Msumari’s usually seen more with Jino than Mkaidi is and prefers to torture Kenge psychologically than physically, unlike her siblings. Her psychological torment can often break Kenge or whoever her victim is, thus putting the “nail on the coffin”.

Mkaidi is the dense, but short-fused one of the group that likes to aid Jino in beating up his victims. He’s also sort of the yes-man (lizard), supporting Jino’s quips with a “you tell em, Jino!” or something like that

I don’t know if they’d be alongside Jino in his debut episode, but they’d definitely be in the flashbacks

#the heading is cringe i’m sorry lmao #the outlands can’t catch a break #yeah kiburi’s not the only one with someone to worry about #i’ll definitely do something with kenge’s siblings in a one-shot #also more sumu lore ig lol #oc rambling #the lion guard

[bird-of-the-day]

BOTD: SecretaryBird

^Image credit: Yoky

Secretarybird (Sagittarius serpentarius) 

The Secretarybird, also spelled Secretary Bird, is known for its remarkable appearance, and strange feeding habits: it stomps on its prey repeatedly to kill them, a method most commonly applied to lizards and snakes. The Maasai people call this bird 'ol-enbai nabo', meaning 'one arrow', in reference to its crest feathers.

#requested #bird of the day #secretarybird #secretary bird #sagittarius serpentarius #weird and wonderful #birds #bird #birding #birdwatching #tropical birds #endemic birds #birds of africa #african wildlife #african birds #africa #snakes mention #snakes tw #bird facts #bird behaviour #bird fact #animal facts

[battle-of-the-birds]

Remember to read about the contestants before voting!

Eurasian Magpie

Native across most of Europe and Asia, the Eurasian magpie is often said to collect little trinkets. However, contrary to popular belief, they don’t collect shiny objects. They are quite smart though, and some scientists believe they are one of the smartest birds alive. They also think they’re one of the smartest animals too. They have also been known to express grief over the loss of their fellow magpie. Learn More!

Secretary Bird

With big, voluptuous eyelashes, the Secretary Bird lives in Africa. They are known for their long legs, used to strike down snakes, lizards, insects, and other small creatures. Although we often think of them as eating mainly snakes, that is not actually a large part of their diet. It consists mainly of insects. They will strike with 5 times their own body weight, and will sometimes hunt in small groups. Learn More!

(Art by @tertain-the-original )

#bird battle #round three #birds #polls #Eurasian magpie #magpie #Secretary bird

[cuprohastes]

Lunch In Space

Part 1

Wherein we are introduced to two of our main characters, the perils of interspecies cafeterias and the alternate uses of dog jumpers, and the Narrator is too self-obsessed to introduce themselves properly

4am, in the vast darkness of space, the lightless void that's darker than the stygian depths.

Apart from the stars. They're actually pretty bright. Famously so come to think of it. Also all the lights on the station, so you can look at it and admire it and spot any fresh new exciting holes that have appeared.

And if you're on shift, like me, use those handly lights to find the cafeteria and very carefully pick through the offerings because believe me, while Yarrick won't kill you, your body will basically say 'What the heck?' and treat it like a nice big plate of Silicone jelly and you will be experiencing a whole new and exciting set of sensations, and hey, sometimes you just have to clutch the toilet seat and scream a bit: We've all been there.

So I get my nice human safe food, and an extra roll of purple stuff that's not bread but it might as well be, and relocate my heiny to the big table by the window, the one that's always a bit chilly which is why me and Atrix and Atrix are usually the only ones who sit there.

I mean Atrix does because she's comfortable with a little extra cooling, and Atrix is there because he's not driving, he's just along for the ride.

"Yo." I say to my good buddy, the giant purple kangaroo dinosaur. She gives me a Yo back and dual finger guns.

Atrix the pocket lizard sticks his snout out and makes grabby paws at the roll.

I slide it over to his wifey, the purple lizard woman with the colour changing face and a degree in Astromechanics (Also horticulture, Art History and apparently, Interspecies erotica).

"You're over feeding him." Big Atrix says. Small Atrix grakkles. He has opinions and he really wants that bun, but then again if he gets too fat he has to move out, change gender and start paying taxes.

I also know that Godzilla here always skimps on the husband food because she knows I'll swing by with a little something something for her pocket hubby.

"Yeah well, someone has to be the fun Aunt." I say cheerfully. You're always the Aunt with the Atrix, regardless of gender.

I settle in, to eat a lovely meal of... what appears to be chicken flavoured... it's... hmm. Well, it's chicken flavoured and guaranteed not to cause anything to go a funny colour and fall off. It actually tastes great, but I'd describe it as being yes, a thing.

"So," I say around the food flavoured... stuff, "Picked a good solid Traditional Human Name yet?". My friend bobs her head again: Practicing her human physical emotes.

-This should be good. Atrix are good people but they don't have spoken names. They have a word that means 'I'm gonna show you name' then they change their face colours like a cuttlefish. They literally just turn into another person for a moment: This drives most species nuts.

Humans find it hilarious. Atrix can see the funny side. Humans and Atrix get along a little too well for everyone else's comfort and That's The Way We Like It™️.

Big n' Purple thinks about it, then says, "I was thinking... Gondolier Dottirsdottir, or maybe Luminal Effervescence."

OK so the Atrix tend to go for names that are just really fun to say. hence the Secretary General of the Combined Human-Atrix Interstellar Survey, a really big female with as much or more gravitas as a class two black hole - a very serious pocket pal all 'round - being named Pingbing O'Candyfloss.

I consider it. "People will call you Gondy, or Lumy." I point out to her as she feeds purple... bread-y stuff... to the iguana-sized male that lives in her belly pouch. He grakkles at me. He's a sociable little guy, quite chatty, I just have no idea what he's saying. Gondy grackles back and he does Upsies arms.

"Gondy. Ahm-hum. That sounds good. Gondy." she says trying it on. I can see she's definitely enjoying the mouth sound.

She hauls her hubbins out of her pouch, which is covered by her overalls and a big apron flap so he can sleep or play games on her phone.

"Did you... put him in one of those dog jumpers?" I ask as she puts her guy on the table. He looks smug and shows off. It's a small, chihuahua sized Christmas sweater. It's currently May, or close enough. But I'm not going to harsh his mellow. The little dude's obviously stoked to be a fashionista.

Gondy bobs her head looking pleased. "I'm thinking he should be Raxyplank Magellan. Raxy's a cute name." she says.

Raxy looks up and says "Rax!" around a mouthful of hubby food. Well, I can't fault that. At least he gets a name he can say.

For an Atrix male, he's pretty adventurous - He'll talk to people and even come out and walk around if he can keep one eye on Gondy.

Traditionally, or "Back in the day" - Several tens of thousands of years ago, until an Atrix got big enough to be safe, there was a good chance that something would camper up and make a meal of them.

So they have a general resistance to being out in the open, where it's cold and there might be cool alien eagles or space-lizard foxes.

Luckily when they get big enough they develop pouches and to they pick a male out and carry them around for safety and to have someone to talk to and hold shiny rocks (I'm a bit fuzzy on the finer details), so you almost always see two Atrix, even if one of them is usually hiding.

And now Raxy is hanging out with us like a regular little dude and getting crumbs on his ugly Christmas sweater. It is in all ways a pretty nice moment.

Anyway that's about when the station blew up...

#humans are space orcs #Atrix #lunch in space