#like. my job. my life situation.

[silverdax]

I was gonna write but I feel very poorly so instead I will sleep

#bad migraine #plus just not feeling good about myself #like. my job. my life situation. #anyway im gonna lay down #night all

[hecksupremechips]

Mizuki and Date though like. Imagine being 8 and your parents are filthy rich and going through a bad divorce. Your mom treats you like shit, lashing out at you, hitting you, saying she wishes you were never born all because you were behaving like a child. Your dad is more comforting, but he doesn’t do anything to stop the abuse and he spends his time invested in a completely different family, a girl who you love and look up to but he loves her more than you and it fucking shows. Then your dads new friend, some fucking bachelor in his late 20s, is just like "wow you guys are the worst fucking parents ive ever seen" and next thing you know your dad is sending you off to live with him. And it’s just a massive kick in the head cuz you go from a rich lifestyle to living in some really shitty tiny ass apartment with this guy who’s clearly never been around a child in his entire life and he doesn’t know how to behave and does a really bad job of censoring himself like he has a bunch of dirty magazines that he can’t hide very well cuz it’s literally a studio apartment and also he talks to himself sometimes, it’s really weird. He doesn’t even have the slightest clue what he’s doing

And he’s the best parent you’ve ever had

Because fuck, it all really hurts. You have to cope with having never received any love from anyone, and with the fact that your parents clearly don’t want you and can’t even be bothered to send you with anyone even kinda responsible. And this guy has a scary job with crazy hours and you don’t know anything about him and neither does he. But still, he never once hits you or tells you you’re not allowed to cry. He just gives you space and doesn’t push you to feel any sort of way about him. And sometimes, he’s even kind. He makes you some stew, even though it’s a bit chunky. He lets you sleep in the bed and takes the couch for himself, even though he complains about the massive back pain he’d never trade his spot for a second. He pays attention to events at your school and gives you your favorite stuffed animal when you make good grades, even though you called it ugly. He gets worried sick when you come home with bruises and puts on a goofy voice and trains you to defend yourself and you develop some highly deadly skills and even though it’s really abnormal, he buys you a bench press so you can get stronger. There’s this distance there, and you feel really weird caring about someone who you aren’t related to, but you find yourself wishing it was meant to be like this all along, that maybe, he’s secretly your real dad and he loves you like his real daughter

And when you say "I’m back" he says "welcome home"

#aitsf #ai the somnium files #kaname date #mizuki date #THE DATES THEY ARE MY EVERYTHING AAAAAAAAA #its so funny though like imagine being such a bad parent that some loner who jerks off all the time does a better job than you #and hes literally never interacted with children before and is later revealed to have actually been an assassin #renju and shoko really just suck huh #and i dont mean to reduce date to a porno loving loser cuz nah like hes actually got so much depth going on in this situation like he cant #remember a single thing about his past he has no frame of reference for what a family is or if hes ever had one himself #which we then learn he. kinda didnt he was an orphan with no friends no name no one who came looking for him it seems #yet he still finds himself loving and caring for this girl and would literally die over and over for her to live a happy life #hes so genuinely kind and caring and deeply lonely and unsure of himself if hes doing this right #and he feels agonizing pain when hes forced to remember that he isnt mizukis real dad and that. he has nothing #but despite that he doesnt force mizuki to return these feelings because its a lot to burden a child with and shes been through enough #its like. kaname date i love youuuu please just adopt her already 🥺

[prettyhighforawhiteguyblog]

I'm the wife in my marriage.

It's funny to me anyway. Funny to me because my wife is the very picture of femininity, loving, caring, sexy, pretty, beautiful wife, loving and adored by all her children. And a satisfied and hot for her husband.

But to me she is beautiful and terrible as the Dawn! Treacherous as the Seas! Stronger than the foundations of the Earth! All shall love her and despair!

And yet she chose me.

So to all the hella ladies who rejected my advances? Y'all missed out. Because she saw in me what way too many people couldn't. And sometimes still can't.

And she wants to run my life. And the lives of our whole family. And we all kinda love it. Mostly. But it ain't worth the headache or heartache of fighting her on anything. She's Daddy's little princess and her mother is the loving matron and queen bitch of the family and we all stay in line. Mostly. I love to do my own thing too much for my own good. But it keeps our fights about stupid stuff instead of my weed use again.

(I'm dead ass functional and present from 6am on till I finally get my insomniac ass too sleep while high just to escape the constant anxiety about my sick daughter's upcoming surgery, my dying suegro, my mourning wife, disturbed autistic son, special needs princess Daddy's girl I'm spoiling her to death to make her just as powerful and ungovernable mother and it's working too well already. Have you ever negotiated with a hostile bitchy entitled as fuck child? )

Anyway, you wouldn't know it looking at me or talking normal chitchat, but I'm pretty fucking manly. In the way my culture defines manliness. I'm not very masculine. But I'm very manly.

I'm feminine as fuck in my household. I mother the kids, help their emotional development, work on my wife's emotional and mental well-being, and I'm the one never in the mood for sex. And I do every single thing she says. And then she does the discipline and management of the family's affairs. And she's the one who has to seduce me. Did I mention she was sexy as fuck? (While I'm awkward as fuck every time we even roleplay.) And a horny Latina. (That's why these horny sexy, nice, Latinos are taking over. It's natural selection. The Whites just can't compete and as usual are getting their panties in a twist over not being able to compete even with everything in their favor to out reproduce them all but it was too many kids for a nuclear family to handle Whites.) So beautiful hot queen sexy as fuck Latina seduces me every night. #blessed. So fuck yeah I don't wanna fuck up this arrangement. So I do everything she tells me to and treat her real good and let her win every argument and over apologize. Except when I make a rare exception to make a stand in something important or just to make some trouble and have some fun.

Oh yeah. She's a clean freak 😮‍💨 But she's an impatient Latina housewife perfectionist clean freak. So she gets mad at my perfectly good job when company isn't ever coming job and tells me to stop even trying to clean. Go play Minecraft with your daughter to keep her occupied.🤣

I have the best living situation ever. I'll be your bitch my bitchy highness. Just please keep playing with my hair on your lap. Oh, and that sucking my dick the way you do and being right 95% of the time on judgement calls.

So yeah I'm the wife.

And I got a pretty good life.

#and know you know the rest of the story #when i was s younger man i had a good paying job at a factory plant as a temp worker #i liked this job #and it was easy clean indoor temp controlled light labor with a jovial #kindly and generally loving crowd of people all just trying to earn a living in this shit economy #and care for each get along with each other #it was a really nice atmosphere. there was only a little manager taking advantage of a woman's situation to force a relationship. #but she was petty please about the whole arrangement because she was lonely and he was kind and likable and #good looking younger guy #and it made her job impossible to get the boot #even as it got easier to boot #anyways i worked my ass off and just tried to get along with the boss #and it paid great #We could have been poor and happy working jobs like that for life if i really had to got some reason #but anyways this bossman manager sees me sweeping my ass off a clean floor and instead of telling me to go lean on a post for a bit #tells me I'm doing a good job #and that I'll make a someone s fine wife someday #i wanted to slap that smug mother fucker up there head w my broom. But i was laughing to hard at that fuckers joke because i liked the guy. #and i liked my job #anyway #here i am being a good little wife #and I'm living the life of Reilly doing it #i don't know the etymology of that phrase is. only my Dad says it in my experience #it might be good own little creation. #you're welcome #And the mother fucker just let me keep sweeping my dumbass all over a clean floor! #Union strong

[empty-blog-for-lurking]

So i finally listened to The Magnus Protocol and uhh holy shit, yall mind if i

[The contents of this post has been deleted]

#the magnus protocol #tmagp #tmagp spoilers #In the tags #My favourite case has to be the 2nd one Daria girl you are so fucked up!!!! You are so fucked up girl get help!!!! #And i am loving the absolute toxic work environment it is hilarious all the characters are great!! #Alice Gwen and Lena have three way situation of snide backhanded remarks and office coworker hate going on #Colin hates everyone but especially the puter and is this close to murder #Sam is just trying to do whatever the fuck he is doing. He is new here. He is over qualified #Teddy my man saw his place workplace comedy swerving towards horror genre and immediately ditched ship good for him!!! #(Unless Lena brutal pipe murdered him in which case girl i am so sorry) #And just character in general. Like Alice is trying to vibe her way through life #while also saying some death flaggy 'oh this is def foreshadowing' shit every episode #Gwen has the same surname as the shows previous antag #but also just after Lena's job and just wants to be taken seriously and thinks everyone is against her #she also may or not have discovered that her boss is murderer but oh well #Sam is like this sweet nice guy who is also so fucking nosy and the only one actually curious about fucked up shit cases magnus institue #And everyone is telling him to stop Girl! Turn away girl!! You are gonna get fucked up girl!! Look away!! #Colin is just so fucking angry and feral but also IT is just like that. He is crawling on the floors. He is growling at people #Lena is so fucking tired with all these bitches in her office Head Bitch incharge of all these Bitches #And i am 80% sure she murdered that guy Klaus #Anyway love all of this. Cant wait to hear them get killed in brutal tragic ways

[g0thsim]

187.24 / 390 (08/12/22)

[full original post]

im a trans person trying to get all her pieces of identification updated so applying to / working jobs + going to school is easier. pls send accommodating workplace energy to me <3🏳️‍⚧️♿️ tysm for rbing

ⓘ this is turning into an urgent situation so if this gets to $250 i’ll take the hit for the rest because i am out of options at this point.

ko/fi other options [carrd]

#share your dollar #trans crowdfund #maybe even less than $250 im literally looking D-7 right in the eye #bc ​i really need a job but I literally can’t emotionally go through the process without having my name match id again #i quite literally cannot go through life without my name atp #to keep my posts from being long I don’t mention it but like this is very important to my health rn bc I need a healthcard just like so many #things are on hold because I don’t have a name and I refuse spend money on passports and other expired id just to pay for it all over again #that would just put in a position to need to crowdfunded again but with a biggest goal yk #new post because despite the numbers on the og the last donation was in July #and it was a singular donation for that whole month #hehe I’ve been crying about this today :0((( like my family calling me a freeloader and going on about they were able support themselves at #18 even though our situations are so fundamentally different like you literally didn’t have to deal with the cost to live in your own body #in terms of my like they didn’t have to pay for disability aid or pay to not be deadnamed etc like

[moregraceful]

i made what was a huge medical decision today that has been received very badly by my family and i feel absolutely nothing but pure freedom and joy about it. the thing i'm really fixated on rn is when should i post this fic i just finished

#i think october 1. for halloween #it was for skelly season but it took such a weird turn in the end that i feel weird about gifting it to someone lol #very short list of people i would subject this particular rarepair agenda to on purpose. maybe just beryl #the medical decision is legitimately life-altering and i should be stressed but i'm just like it's my body. my body horror. and i'm free :) #i'm stressin way more about the fic bro #and like if i don't gift the fic do i then go back and commit to making it even weirder and rarepaired.... #stars future leadership polycule (two guys who are dating and their captain who holds their hand in high stress situations) #what am i even talking about..................... #today my boss was like thank you for your (insane 11 paragraph long) email! i used it as a meeting agenda with my boss :) #i was like oh no now my grandboss knows i use my boss's inbox as my work livejournal #i got to remake my schedule tho now that i'm almost done with my training!! i gave myself a three day weekend... #...so i can go to the therapy i need to deal with this job. was anyone gonna tell me abt secondary trauma or was i #just supposed to find that out on my literal first day of work lol #my therapist was THRILLED she was like oh i have SO many books to recommend we're gonna have SO much fun!! i was like oh no #fridays off and life is good tbh!! except for the fic. i don't know what to do abt the fic #fresno oilers.txt

[chibishortdeath]

I think about this artwork of Christopher doing a spooky smile and the fact that the boss theme from The Adventure is called “Kill! Kill! Kill!” sometimes. I know his games don’t really give him a whole lot of characterization, but man I’m taking this as a character trait now lol. Serious, wholesome Mr. Dad Belmont himself can be a little sadistic if he wants to, like his job as a vampire hunter a little too much maybe—

Belmonts are allowed to be a little scary sometimes I think :3

#castlevania #castlevania games #text post #art post #my art #christopher belmont #Castlevania ​the adventure #Belmont’s Revenge #hehehehe I need to draw the Belmonts getting to be a little scary sometimes more often #they are hunters after all #their whole duty in life is to kill things to protect people #I like to think maybe Christopher didn’t defeat Dracula properly because he was just too sure it would work #not in a cocky overconfident way just like #I go do my job the job gets done situation over #probably also when you beat the hell out of something you expect it to be dead for real lol #and he was only the second person to deal with Dracula technically and he didn’t do that last time so #out of all of the Belmonts I think Christopher probably genuinely had a little fun his first time through lol #he probably just did his job and went back home into the family house woods and kept to himself mostly #15 years go by and then it’s like uh oh Drac is back in town— #it’s kinda interesting how every Belmont seems to have some kind of bloodlust or something similar tho #Leon holding a grudge against ‘you and the night’ #Trevor and whatever all that was in Curse of Darkness like geez bro chill #Christopher seeming a little too into killing bosses lol #Soleil got possessed oops #Simon idk how to explain him in one tag lol #Juste doesn’t actually really have it he gets a pass #Richter and uh well the everything #Julius being kinda really pushy about that ‘I’ll kill you if you go drac mode soma’ lol #yeah like again Juste gets a pass he is a wonderful pure boy in this instance #anyway Christopher propaganda please spread please please-

[lyssq]

If I had a penny for every book about a boy of noble birth who watched his whole family be killed in front of him and narrowly avoided death himself, ran away and hid in an orphanage before someone unaware of his true identity recruits him into the regime that murdered his family (said regime presents the idea of everyone being equal while in reality being deeply flawed) and now has to work alongside people who would likely kill him if they knew who he really was, I’d have two pennies, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice

#my job here on tumblr is to draw parallels between book series only i have read both of #the will of the many #hierarchy #fireborne #the aurelian cycle #vis telimus #lee sur pallor #of course the difference is that vis/diago’s family was killed by imperialism while lee’s family was killed by the revolution #so vis (in his head at least) gets to be justifiably angry meanwhile lee has turmoil #and their situations are very different but they go through similar angst #which is worse: the most traumatic goddamn day of your life being celebrated annually with a parade #or it being treated like a footnote. a minor victory hardly worth mentioning

[brookheimer]

okay. i need to rewatch the episode probably but i think my current feeling is that i like most of it a lot (rome, ken, the siblings not getting ceo, etc), think the tom ceo makes sense from a logical/character perspective but not sure how i feel about it from a broader more thematic lens (altho i'm leaning towards fine with it), and am very mixed on shiv's ending because i think it's well-conceived and meaningful from a broader thematic lens (shiv becomes her mother, the cycle always repeats, etc) but doesn't quite make sense to me from a logical/character one -- it could've worked, it could've worked brilliantly, but it was far too rushed and forced. it makes sense as an ending for shiv, but not her next step. i'm largely talking about her decision to return to tom, not her decision to vote against kendall (which i think should've been executed better and given more space but can understand given her character, mostly). i'm fine with it as an ending for shiv, but what i'm struggling to stomach is the way it played out -- it didn't feel like a choice the shiv we know would've made. it's an ending that makes sense thematically and for her character arc, but not a decision that makes sense for her character at present. that's kinda where i'm at right now

#long shiv post talking ab this upcoming lol #bc so far i haven't seen like any shiv takes i've actually agreed with #it's either entirely anti ending or pro ending #whereas like. to me the ending works as an ending for the character. it's tragic dark devastating but it works and works well #but shiv making that choice does not make sense for where she is right now. it was rushed writing that forced an ending on her #that would be a satisfying ending but not a satisfying character choice and thus NOT a super satisfying ending #could've been EXTREMELY satisfying. but shiv wasn't there yet. her fatal flaw is blowing up good situations when she feels she's being #disrespected -- she's respect > power when it comes down to it #even tho she thinks she wants power more she NEEDS respect and is unable to stay quiet or make the smart choice in the face of disrespect #or men thinking they're superior etcetcetc. so her making a choice that allots her power (wife of CEO) but is the singular least respecting #outcome imaginable (meekly returning to your husband who betrayed you and stole the job you've been fighting for your entire life right out #of your grasp alongside your closest ally/flirt guyfriend who tapped him to do it explicitly to fuck you over because you're a pregnant #woman and thus inferior to the man who inseminated you -- and EVERYONE KNOWS ALL OF THIS! everyone knows you're the daughter of #the previous CEO and on two separate instances were meant to be CEO and now the weak man you married publicly betrayed you TWICE #but you still meekly return to him and place your hand in his and have his baby like the good pawn you are...) #that does not make sense for shiv. if we saw some development on the power > respect front or had a few more scenes or episodes developing #shiv as someone who would choose to become her mother (powerful and rich yet a disrespected pawn) over literally anything else #given her fundamental fear of being disrespected than maybe this would've made sense. it could be a great meaningful devastating ending #but it's one that just does not track for shiv as we know her right now. #ok tags got long as always sorry LOL i'm gonna write a longer thing explaining my hashtag thoughts bc i haven't seen much i agreed w on thi #front yet oops. ok bye 4 now tee hee #succession #succession spoilers #casey shut the fuck up about shiv roy

[labyrynth]

so…somehow topaz is not only managing to embody “rampant capitalist” but also “insidious colonizer”???

like babe maybe try not launching an armed alien invasion of their home threatening to extract every single resource of potential value. or like. dumping a 700yr old debt on a planet that has been entirely isolated for most of that.

hey speaking of how it’s been 700 years since this supposed loan was made—why are you sweeping in to demand hundreds of years of interest on a loan you didn’t care enough to collect more than 400 years ago…conveniently AFTER you decided that maybe there was something to exploit here after all?

like goddamn when they announced “topaz and numby” i thought the pig was supposed to be NUMBY and yet Here We Are

#moi #hsr #honkai star rail #hsr topaz #topaz & numby #capitalism is capitalism i guess #the worst part is i can’t even tell if they meant for her to come off like such a straight up cunt? #like it feels like they’re trying to spin it like ‘oh well she’s just doing her job and trying to help—‘ uhh no #one does not waltz in after not lifting a finger to help just to extract what little wealth this planet has #‘the IPC may seem heartless and cruel’ YEAH BECAUSE IT IS. ITS LITERALLY A HEARTLESS CORPORATION #THAT HAS CANONICALLY ENGAGED IN UNETHICAL BUSINESS PRACTICES #‘oh well oh my home planet outside corporations fucked up the environment massively and people were suffering— #BUT THEN THE IPC SAVED THE DAY! and all it cost was signing your life over to a faceless corporation that doesn’t give a shit about you :)’ #WHO DO YOU THINK FUCKED UP THE ENVIRONMENT TO BEGIN WITH????? #‘so i’ve decided to be gracious and kind and FORGIVE your planets (cough supposed) debts… #…​provided you sign your entire planet’s population to my glorious corporation.’ #‘(and if you don’t agree to these terms then we will take your planet by force and extract every ounce of wealth)’ #like HELLO??????? #this whole situation is manipulative as hell

[marnz]

gonna be real with you, job hunt morale is extremely low rn 😔

#currently #I constantly devalue my skills but tbh not everyone can do my job! #people know this and yet… #I would just like to not hate my life and also make a living wage #I want to just concentrate on my writing but due to the situation at work it’s. difficult.

[gifti3]

I was trying to do a little catch up in nightbringer

I finished lesson 20 and they like joke(?) about moving to the human world and staying at the MCs home if they cant stay in the devildom

And i just wanna seriously consider the logistics of MC trying to house 7 other people

Most of us are probably living with other people (who may not be okay with sharing a space with so many strangers suddenly) and/or dont have a giant sized place

And this is assuming the mc is staying at a house and not an apartment....

#obey me nightbringer #dont think anyone will last a day in this situation. #realistically theyre all gonna probably have to share 1 room right.... #2 if we r lucky #at my home we have an extra bedroom and a living room #and the extra room technically belongs to my grandpa when he visits from ghana so... #id be like....yall gotta come up with some human identities and find jobs so you can move into a different place #im not trying to abandon them in the human world of course #especially mammon for several reasons #but yea.... #and outside of living arrangements mc would have to teach them to live in this damn world #and navigate new social norms urghh #my head hurts thinking about it #like “noooo u cant fuckin threaten people so flippantly when they piss u off unless u wanna make my life more difficult!!” #ik they could take ppl in fight sure but god #what if they get arrested #ugh sorry my mind is just going towards all the worst case scenarios lol #anyways im gonna try to start next lesson but im already getting tired of playing these rhythm games sigh

[acoldsovereign]

{{ i realized I only posted about it once on the old blog, made a single post here explaining why I moved blogs/remade this account and then privated it because I didn't want to have that negativity hanging over said new blog but uh-

Hi, hello mutuals-- It's me, Tina, lol. I remade my blog and moved from @coldsovereign-a (which is archived now) to here-- @acoldsovereign. I did it because the old blog stopped feeling good to log into.

And, I didn't want to give up so easily. I love Maiz too much and I didn't want this singular, creepy ass, racist, jerk-hole asshat from ruining her/my RP experience. There were other irl/personal issues going on around the same time too and it fucked with my muse majorly. 😭

I apologize if I suddenly seemed like I "disappeared" (and then reappeared) without explanation! I wanted to move on from what happened to me quickly and in the process of that, I uh, forgot about common courtesy for a while. My bad. (Tbh, I just wanted a new home for my girl so I could fully enjoy her again. Glad to say I'm back in the swing of writing her, so the move did help!)

Anyway, more RP stuff coming soon. Yay!

#OOC: Out of Limits #{{ a conversation with a mutual just reminded me that I did NOT do a good job of actually saying what was wrong/didn't explain i remade- #{{ so yee. my bad. lmao. I'll be better about that. i feel a little better about the whole situation and other stuff now tho. #{{ but long story short i was way too accommodating to an asshole who didn't deserve it. #{{ and he like used my personal issues and turned it against me. all bc i wanted to be nice and patient and kind. #{{ i already forgave myself for not seeing red flags so this isn't about that. but the reason why i dealt with that is bc #{{ i have a complex around wanting so hard to not be a monster bc you know. sociopathy fucking sucks. i want to FEEL. and cry. and be kind. #{{ the latter parts are EXCEEDINGLY difficult for me and with my social conditioning as a woman it's hell. i want to genuinely be kind but. #{{ not to everyone. and women are given hell if we dare to be selfish and say “no”. having a hard life growing up helps none. #{{ but anyway-- like i said before i talked to some mutuals about it and i was told i did nothing wrong. so I'm okay. #{{ but I'll be stricter with who i want to interact with because of this event. until i can soften myself up again. and feel safe.

[heavyedit]

medical websites love to be like “how to stop having physical stress symptoms: 1. be in less stressful situations 2. don’t be stressed”

#oliver.mp3 #girl for one i have anxiety for two stressful things continue to happen #sorry but taking deep breaths and going for walks will not fix my moms broken leg or get me another job #or get me back the $6000 i just spent on my cat’s er vet bill #meditation doesn’t pay the rent #i still haven’t done anything creative since the year started pretty much #bc i feel like i shouldn’t be focusing on anything but how to fix my situation #time spent drawing is time i could be spending applying for jobs. why would i spend time writing when it’s not making me money #i’m sick of living like this like truly it has been the last whole fucking year and it just keeps getting worse #what did i do to deserve this like truly why me #why do these events feel so specifically calculated and timed to drain our bank accounts and stress me out further #i think abt that phrase it has to get worse before it gets better. so every time something happens i’m like ok it’s gonna get better now #but somehow it continues to get worse #i feel like i’m watching my entire life crumble away right before my eyes everything me and my mom have worked for is just dwindling #and i’m only fucking 20

[whentherewerebicycles]

question: when you're starting a new job, what do you most want out of your first week of onboarding? what's most helpful for you to know/understand upfront? also... what's not helpful? tell me your onboarding nightmare stories too lol

#i honestly do not ever think i've had a positive onboarding experience #in my entire professional life #i guess for me a lot of my early-job anxieties are around expectations and 'rules' #like i want to know what time i'm supposed to be there and what time i'm allowed to leave and what the dress code is #and how the hybrid schedule works #so i don't make dumb mistakes right away #i also think i want to be involved in the real work as early as possible #like i don't have to be DOING anything yet but i want to be watching people do things and shadowing in meetings #so i can start to develop a sense of who's who and what the actual work of the office/workplace looks like #and also because i really value getting a feel for personalities as early as possible lol i want to know what the vibes are #hmm and also maybe most importantly #i feel like in any new situation i need a very loose conceptual framework to hold the new information being given to me #otherwise it's just random pieces of info you know? like it's helpful when someone is actively helping me fit information into a frame #like they're saying 'here's the HUGE picture - now let's zoom in and start looking at this one corner of it - and as we add new corners #i'll actively help you fill in the connective tissue that holds these different parts of the big picture together' #hmmm #my worst onboarding experiences have been when the person training me comes in and throws lots of #long complex extremely context-dependent documents or readings at me #and is like ok spend the week reading those and get back to me #and i'm like ?????????? #i have NO understanding of what my role is or how this organization functions #at this point it is not helpful for me to pass my eyes over tons of dense info without a guide to tell me what's important #i have no way of gauging of something is important or trivial and then i feel stressed like i have to learn ALL of it #even though i know that a huge portion of it will end up being not that relevant to my day-to-day job

[wetslug]

.

#having an epic time in my 20s of hatred for my life + my situation being a constant twinge in my mind #and i feel so guilty bc my life is GOOD i have a job that pays fine i live by myself i can afford food etc #but its just so empty and so repetitive and so Shit #like whats the point making money and saving and sustaining myself if its just more of this #im making a RRSP for what??? so i can get a nicer nursing home in 40 years??? think im gonna vomit #and id love to say 'grr i wish i worked less so i had more time to be social and travel' but i know my ass wouldnt do that anyways #ive got a Girl Rot personality type