#like. christianity kind of is just a fandom. a really massive fandom that has its creepy parts its unsavory parts it culty parts | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

tlbodine · 3 years

Text

The Horror Genius of Five Nights At Freddy’s

I’ve been playing FNAF: Help Wanted VR on my Oculus Quest lately (a birthday present to myself -- I know I’m late to that party!) and it’s reignited in me my old love of this series. I know Scott Cawthon’s politics aren’t great, but I don’t think there’s any malice in his heart beyond usual Christian conservative nonsense -- and I think he stepped down as graciously and magnanimously as possible when confronted about it. Time will judge Scott Cawthon’s politics, and that’s not what I’m here to talk about. I want to talk about what makes these games so damn special, from a horror, design, and marketing perspective. I think there’s really SO MUCH to be learned from studying these games and the wider influence they’ve had as intellectual property.

What Is FNAF?

In case you’ve somehow been living under a rock for the last seven years, Five Nights At Freddy’s (hereafter, FNAF) is a horror franchise spanning 17 games (10 main games + some spinoffs and troll games, we’ll get to that), 27 books, a movie deal, and a couple live-action attractions.

But before it exploded into that kind of tremendous IP, it started out as a single indie pont-and-click game created entirely by one dude, Scott Cawthon. Cawthon had developed other games in the past without much fame or success, including some Christian children’s entertainment. He was working as a cashier at Dollar General and making games in his spare time -- and most of those games got panned.

So he tried making something different.

After being criticized that the characters in one of his children’s games looked like soulless, creepy animatronics, Cawthon had his lightbulb moment and created a horror game centered on....creepy animatronics!

The rest, as they say, is history.

The Genius of FNAF’s Horror Elements

In the first FNAF game, you play as a night security guard at Freddy Fazbear’s Pizza, a sort of ersatz Chuck-E-Cheese establishment. The animatronics are on free-roaming mode at night, but you don’t want to let them find you in your security room so you have to watch them move through the building on security camera monitors. If they get too close, you can slam your security room doors closed. But be careful, because this restaurant operates on a shoestring budget, and the power will go off if you keep the doors closed too long or flicker the lights too often. And once the lights go out, you’re helpless against the animatronics in the dark.

Guiding you through your gameplay is a fellow employee, Phone Guy, who calls you each night with some helpful advice. Phone Guy is voiced by Cawthon himself, and listening to his tapes gives you some hints of the game’s underlying story as well as telling you how to play. A few newspaper clippings and other bits of scrap material help to fill in more details of the story.

Over the next set of games, the story would be further developed, with each new game introducing new mechanics and variations on the theme -- in one, you don a mask to slip past the notice of animatronics; in another, you have to play sound cues to lure an animatronic away from you. By the fourth game, the setup was changed completely, now featuring a child with a flashlight hiding from the monsters outside his door -- nightmarish versions of the beloved child-friendly mascots. The mechanics change just enough between variations to keep things fresh while maintaining a consistent brand.

There are so many things these games do well from a storytelling and horror perspective:

Jump Scares: It’s easy to shrug these games off for relying heavily on jump scares, and they absolutely do have a lot of them. But they’re used strategically. In most games, the jump scares are a punishment (a controlled shock, if you will) -- if you play the game perfectly, you’ll never be jump-scared. This is an important design choice that a lot of other horror games don’t follow.

Atmospheric Dread: These games absolutely deliver horror and tension through every element of design -- some more than others, admittedly. But a combination of sound cues, the overall texture and aesthetic of the world, the “things move when you’re not looking at them” mechanic, all of it works together to create a feeling of unease and paranoia.

Paranoia: As in most survival horror games, you’re at a disadvantage. You can’t move or defend yourself, really -- all you can do is watch. And so watch you do. Except it’s a false sense of security, because flicking lights and checking cameras uses up precious resources, putting you at greater risk. So you have to balance your compulsive need to check, double-check, and make sure...with methodical resource conservation. The best way to survive these games is to remain calm and focused. It’s a brilliant design choice.

Visceral Horror: The monster design of the animatronics is absolutely delightful, and there’s a whole range of them to choose from. The sheer size and weight of the creatures, the way they move and position themselves, their grunginess, the deadness of their eyes, the quantity and prominence of their teeth. They are simultaneously adorable and horrifying.

Implicit Horror: One of the greatest strengths to FNAF as a franchise is that it never wears its story on its sleeve. Instead of outright telling you what’s going on, the story is delivered in bits and pieces that you have to put together yourself -- creating a puzzle for an engaged player to think about and theorize over and consider long after the game is done. But more than that, the nature of the horror itself is such that it becomes increasingly upsetting the more you think on it. The implications of what’s going on in the game world -- that there are decaying bodies tucked away inside mascots that continue to perform for children, that a man dressed in a costume is luring kids away into a private room to kill them, and so forth -- are the epitome of fridge horror.

The FNAF lore does admittedly start to become fairly ridiculous and convoluted as the franchise wears on. But even ret-conned material manages to be pretty interesting in its own right (and there is nothing in the world keeping you from playing the first four games, or even the first six, and pretending none of the rest exist).

Another thing I really appreciate about the FNAF franchise is that it’s quite funny, in a way that complements and underscores the horror rather than detracting from it. It’s something a lot of other properties utterly fail to do.

The Genius of Scott Cawthon’s Marketing

OK, so FNAF utilizes a multi-prong attack for creating horror and implements it well -- big deal. Why did it explode into a massive IP sensation when other indie horror games that are just as well-made barely made a blip on the radar?

Well! That’s where the real genius comes in. This game was built and marketed in a way to maximize its franchisability.

First, the story utilizes instantly identifiable, simple but effective character designs, and then generates more and more instantly identifiable unique characters with each iteration. Having a wealth of characters and clever, unique designs basically paves the way for merchandise and fan-works. (That they’re anthropomorphic animal designs also probably helped -- because that taps into the furry fandom as well without completely alienating non-furries).

Speaking of fan-work, Scott Cawthon has always been very supportive of fandom, only taking action when people would try to profit off knock-off games and that sort of thing -- basically bad-faith copies. But as far as I know he’s always been super chill with fan-created content, even going so far as to engage directly with the fandom. Which brings me to....

These games were practically designed for streaming, and he took care to deliver them into the hands of influential streamers. Because the games are heavy on jump-scares and scale in difficulty (even including extra-challenging modes after the core game is beaten) they are extremely fun to watch people play. They’re short enough to be easily finished over the duration of a long stream, and they’re episodic -- lending themselves perfectly to a YouTube Lets Play format. One Night = One Video, and now the streamer has weeks of content from your game (but viewers can jump in at any time without really missing much).

The games are kid-friendly but also genuinely frightening. Because the most disturbing parts of the game’s lore are hinted at rather than made explicit, younger players can easily engage with the game on a more basic surface level, and others can go as deep into the lore as they feel comfortable. There is no blood and gore and violence or even any explicitly stated death in the main game; all of the murder and death is portrayed obliquely by way of 8-bit mini games and tangential references. Making this game terrifying but accessible to youngsters, and then marketing it directly to younger viewers through popular streamers (and later, merchandising deals) is genius -- because it creates a very broad potential audience, and kids tend to spend 100% of their money (birthdays, allowances, etc.) and are most likely to tell their friends about this super scary game, etc. etc.

By creating a puzzle box of lore, and then interacting directly with the fandom -- dropping hints, trolling, essentially creating an ARG of his own lore through his website, in-game easter eggs, and tie-in materials -- Cawthon created a mystery for fandom to solve. And fans LOVE endlessly speculating over convoluted theories.

Cawthon released these games FAST. He dropped FNAF 2 within months of the first game’s release, and kept up a pace of 1-2 games a year ever since. This steady output ensured the games never dropped out of public consciousness -- and introducing new puzzle pieces for the lore-hungry fans to pore over helped keep the discussion going.

I think MatPat and The Game Theorists owe a tremendous amount of their own huge success to this game. I think Markiplier does, too, and other big streamers and YouTubers. It’s been fascinating watching the symbiotic relationship between these games and the people who make content about these games. Obviously that’s true for a lot of fandom -- but FNAF feels so special because it really did start so small. It’s a true rags-to-riches sleeper hit and luck absolutely played a role in its growth, but skill is a big part too.

Take-Aways For Creatives

I want to be very clear here: I do not think that every piece of media needs to be “IP,” franchisable, an extended universe, or a multimedia sensation. I think there is plenty to be said for creating art of all types, and sometimes that means a standalone story with a small audience.

But if you do want a chance at real break-out, run-away success and forging a media empire of your own, I think there are some take-aways to be learned from the success of FNAF:

Persistence. Scott Cawthon studied animation and game-design in the 1990s and released his first game in 2002. He released a bunch of stuff afterward. None of it stuck. It took 12 years to hit on the winning formula, and then another several years of incredibly hard work to push out more titles and stoke the fires before it really became a sensation. Wherever you’re at on your creative journey, don’t give up. You never know when your next thing will be The Thing that breaks you out.

If you want to sell a lot of something, you have to make it widely appealing to a bunch of people. This means keeping your concept simple to understand (”security guard wards off creepy killer animatronics at a pizza parlor”) and appealing to as wide a segment of the market as you can (ie, a horror story that appeals to both kids and adults). The more hyper-specific your audience, the harder it’s gonna be to find them and the fewer copies of your thing you’ll be selling.

Know your shit and put your best work out there. I think there’s an impulse to feel like “well, nobody reads this anyway, so why does it matter if it’s no good” (I certainly have fallen into that on multiple occasions) but that’s the wrong way to think about it. You never know when and where your break will come. Put your best work out there and keep on polishing your craft with better and better stuff because eventually one of those things you chuck out there is going to be The Thing.

Figure out where your target audience hangs out, and who influences them, and then get your thing in the hands of those influencers. Streaming and YouTube were the secret to FNAF’s success. Maybe yours will be BookTube, or Instagram, or a secret cabal of free librarians. I don’t know. But you should try your best to figure out who would like the thing that you’re making, and then figure out how to reach those people, and put all of your energy into that instead of shotgun-blasting your marketing all willy nilly.

You don’t have to put the whole story on the page. Audiences love puzzles. Fans love mysteries. You can actually leave a lot more unanswered than you think. There’s some value in keeping secrets and leaving things for others to fill in. Remember -- your art is only partly yours. The sandbox belongs to others to play in, too, and you have to let them do that.

If in doubt, appealing to furries never hurts.

Do I take all of this advice myself? Not by a long shot. But it’s definitely a lot to think about.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go beat The Curse of Dreadbear.

#horror analysis #writing advice #fnaf

26 notes · View notes

idreamtofmanderleyagain · 3 years

Text

This post is a response to a reply I got on this post about Hades and Persephone HERE. It involves a LOT of discussion of rape as it applies to the myth, so massive Trigger Warning for Rape.

princess-nazario:

I'm not directly against modern retellings where Hades and Persephones relationship is consensual and could be about escaping toxic motherhood. Many people suffer overprotective/narcissistic mothers today, I think it has a good message- and besides, nobody really wants to hear a story about a girl being kidnapped and raped against her will.

But I hate when people try to say that this consensual version was actually the original myth all along and is ~cool~ and ~feminist~. I hate when people say Hades and Persephone are the most healthy, loving couple in all greek mythology when there are plenty of other underrated couples and figures out there.

I hate it when people try to write off Persephone trauma and allegory for the horrible things young girls had to go through in ancient Greece as "weak" or "unfeminist" labeling female solidarity of trauma and misogyny as "weak" is the exact opposite of feminist.

Like there are plenty of abuse victims out there there are also rape victims, victims of abduction, victims of misogyny all throughout history and today in the modern world. By writing off the pain and suffering of a protagonist who is a victim of rape you are disrespecting and victim-blaming all of these people.

Persephone meant something for all of these victims and survivors knowing that even the goddesses had to go through the things they went through. That even a victim of rape and abduction can still rise as a queen and a goddess, that even after she was raped her story was not done, and although she now has to spend half of the year with her rapist she also gets to see her mother.

In most greek weddings young girls are now apart of their husbands family and never get to see their mothers again. I'd love to see a Persephone retelling that maybe doesn't woobify Hades for once, or show Demeter's perspective and truly explore Persephones experiences in her point of view and shows her rise to power other than just "she was scared at first but now she loves hades and its okay!!"

Was she homesick? How did she adapt to her situation? Did she resent Hades for what he did to her even though he thinks he didnt do anything wrong? Did Hecate help her even though she was scared? How did she feel about being treated like a object or trophy? At what point did she go from a scared little girl to the Dread Queen of the Underworld?

I'm not saying the original versions of the myth where Persephone was kidnapped and raped are peak feminist and great for women, after all this was a culture that gave little voice to women- but what I am saying is that we shouldn't erase or ignore women's trauma and female solidarity for some dull romance story.

You can write a story about Demeter being a toxic mother and Hades/Persephone as consensual, Persephone perhaps being an idea of women's self discovery and independence and agency- but do not forget or refuse to acknowledge the misogynistic and non-consensual traumas of women this tale is allegorical too as well. Do not label THEIR traumas as weak or feminist.

@princess-nazario I’m not sure why you sent me this in a reply, I thought maybe you might be new to tumblr so just so you know, when you have a large response like this typically you start a conversation through reblogging rather than replying. If you had other reasons for it being reply-specific, I’m making the decision to respond as a post because this subject is really important to me and you’ve touched on something that I felt needed an open response.

So, to start with, I have to tell you that I believe you did not actually understand the context I was coming from with the original post. To be fair to you, I think this is a topic that has a lot of missing context, especially for younger people who A) may not have the same educational background (formal or otherwise) or familiarity with the subject or B) have not been around literary circles or fandom long enough to be familiar with what these kinds of archetypes have meant to women in those spaces. When I wrote the original post, I was kind of speaking specifically to an audience that I know is already familiar with these things.

So, while I think it’s perfectly valid for you as an individual to view Hades and Persephone through the very specific lens you’ve painted it, It is probably not completely accurate to what the original myth was about and is in fact in my opinion it’s own form of feminist revision of an ancient tale. Personally, I view this kind of take as part of the problem I was expressing in the original post, just from the opposite perspective. If that upsets you I hope you’ll please at least bear with me to get where I’m coming from with this.

Hades and Persephone comes from a culture in which rape was extremely normalized in comparison to ours. According to my historian partner, when soldiers conquered people/sacked a city they would rape en masse and this was not considered a war crime. Marriage involved rape via social coercion and likely via physical violence anyway. Whether or not rape was considered wrong had a lot to do with the status of the perpetrator and the victim, i.e. if a highborn woman was raped by a poor man, he was a criminal. But if a highborn man raped a poor woman, it would be fine. A serial rapist in a small community would probably get his head chopped off. While it’s not impossible that women told this story to process their trauma, it should be noted that this myth existed in a society where men were the dominant voices and they were pretty much cool with rape.

What happens in the myth is more representative of what marriage actually looked like for girls (and their mothers) of that time period, and was meant as a way to explain the changing of the seasons. When you hear the phrase “The Rape of Persephone,” it’s relevant to mention that the phrasing of “rape” is both a more modern interpretation of the story than the ancients (as in it’s a phrase from the last few hundred years, to my knowledge), and by today’s standards an older use of the term. “Rape” does not always refer to sexual rape, and in this case was specifically referring to the kidnapping aspect. Could literal sexual rape have happened? Maybe, in the context of how arranged marriages like this often involved coercive rape. But it’s worth noting that when Zeus rapes women, it’s never ambiguous like this, it just is a thing that happens and there are no euphemisms about it, no “fade to black”.

Either way it’s kind of a moot point. To say that Hades and Persephone specifically was intended as a tale about an evil man raping a young girl and was intended for girls to process that trauma ultimately isolates it from it’s context within all the other stories of the greek pantheon, in which rape happens all of the time and is normalized - let alone the actual culture it came from. It’s honestly viewing an ancient culture through a modern Christian framework, where the “god of the underworld” is akin to the monstrous devil.

Could women of the time have used it to process their trauma regardless? It’s possible, but I digress.

My point is, there are two extremes on the table here. Either a revisionist tale of Perspehone in which she willingly chooses hades and they have a tumblr approved sweet and pure relationship, or a revisionist tale in which Hades is the quintessential representation of a rapist and Persephone’s story is entirely about overcoming her rape trauma.

Neither of which are true, and neither of which appeal to me. Again, if either appeal to you or anyone else is fine, but my original post was rooted in my frustrations with girls on tumblr who are unfamiliar with the very complex contexts of both the myths and of feminist reimagining that came before the time of tumblr.

It would be more accurate to say that what I was speaking of in the original post is how girls on tumblr have erased the complex power struggle inherent to the literary trope of the Demon Lover (think “Phantom of the Opera”). You can see this trope in many subgenres, including Gothic Romance and the current Monster Boyfriend trend.

Again, it’s very important here to understand that I am talking about allegories. Not literal people perpetrating literal power struggles or violence or having literal relationships, toxic or otherwise.

The trope of the Demon Lover in women’s fiction is often a framework about a woman struggling between the precipice of her own desires vs the patriarchy. He is often framed as an outsider to the normal patriarchy but a being who has the power to move within it, often more so than the average man. He embodies both the allure and danger of masculinity simultaniously. Often there is a solidarity between the heroine and the Demon Lover, because they have something spiritual/emotional which binds them. They exist in solidarity above the social expectations of women’s lives. And yet there is often a power struggle in that narrative, where the heroine must find her own power in balance with the Demon Lover.

In a lot of cases where the Demon Lover is written by men (aka many of the pop culturally significant iterations that women in fandom tend to love), he is indeed portrayed as purely a monster, or whatever temptation he represented is treated as something the woman must ultimately reject and return to social expectations of how she should behave and what she should desire. (Hence why you have so many women in fandom who like to reimagine these dynamics ending with romance).

In effect, the Demon Lover takes on a role for the heroines exploration of her own power in contrast to patriarchal expectations about her role in society and what her sexual and romantic desires should look like.

For a long time, this is how a lot of feminists viewed Hades and Persephone, the Demon Lover trope, and created art based on it. This too is a modern feminist reimagining of the tale.

However, what I see happening on tumblr is a refusal to engage with anything that complex. Instead, what a lot of girls are doing is forcing both Hades/Persephone and any other story which falls under the “Demon Lover” trope (Phantom, Labyrinth, etc.) to be categorized in boxes that fit “purity” sensibilities and are ultimately often embody an unwillingness to engage in challenging, complicated material that doesn’t appeal to black and white thinking. Either Persephone was never in danger because Hades was an uwu soft boy, or Persephone was always threatened by this terrible monstrous abuser and exploration of her reciprocation is wrong.

Personally, I feel this kind of compartmentalizing robs the Demon Lover trope of what makes it compelling and valuable in the first place. It enforces this idea that all depictions of relationships in fiction have to adhere to one specific sensibility of what real world relationships should look like or else be condemned as morally inferior, which is absolutely not the point of the Demon Lover trope and is unfair to the rich history, feminist and less so, that still lives within it. We can do better.

As far as how this story impacts rape survivors, I want to point out that you have absolutely no clue what the people who enjoy Persephone’s tale as a romantic one have endured. Many of them whom I know are indeed rape survivors. Many of them, including myself, are victims of male on female abuse, or otherwise have trauma around the subject of male/female relationships. There are multitudes of ways that women with trauma have long since used the Demon Lover trope to process trauma, and I’m honestly quite tired of the way people on tumblr compartmentalize things in such a way that there is a built-in shame surrounding this subject that many women, including myself, have been trained over the past several years to feel about it. There’s a whole aspect to this that is connected with Twilight and 50 Shades (which are very poor renditions of the Demon Lover trope) and how we as a culture responded to these stories, and how much that has poisoned the ~discourse~.

#Hades and Persephone #Demon Lover #Villain/Heroine #rape tw

53 notes · View notes

lilydalexf · 3 years

Photo

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Sarah Ellen Parsons

Sarah Ellen Parsons has 18 X-Files stories at Gossamer and 19 at AO3. If you want high quality fic with interesting characters, go read her stories. Some of my favorites of her fics are The Crouching Thing and My Constant Touchstone Who Makes Me A Whole Person (which are two very different stories!). Big thanks to Sarah Ellen for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

With today's binge-watching culture, I'm not at all surprised. You can watch a bunch of eps and then seek out fic that is where you are in the series.

What do you think of when you think about your X-Files fandom experience? What did you take away from it?

I took away a writer's group Yes, Virginia, that is still together. Mostly as friends, but whenever I write something, or someone else writes something, it's the first place we all run for machete beta. I have betad SO MANY novels.

We have a number of folks who are published writers since then and our time in X-Files fic brought us lifelong friendships IRL and made us all better at our craft. The majority of those folks were better writers than I am. And I make my living as a writer in my day-job.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

I belonged to a couple of the largest lists and posted there and bitched about the show on usenet with everyone else. We had our own Yahoo group for beta. We all had crappy GeoCities websites that we programmed the HTML for ourselves and hooked through various fandom link circles to get traffic to our stories. But the main method of distribution was the lists.

Fun fact, I found a free page counter thing that I used at work one time through fandom. So fandom pays off in skillz.

Even without social media, we managed to get our stories in front of readers who would enjoy them. Where there's a will, there's always someone ready to step up and find a way.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

Again, I have lifelong friends IRL that I got solely from fanfiction. That's the best takeaway.

Fandom disappointed me because it, like everything else, is ruined by people's egos, backstabbing, and petty people who get in positions of power and then use those positions to punch down or dictate. I was young when I was writing X-Files and I still had hope that people would rise to their better natures, so I got involved in various futile efforts to try to make people behave the way I wanted them to behave, I guess. I did a lot of public bitching that didn't serve me or my friends well. I now put that effort into politics, where it does actual good.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

X-files was made for me. It combined science fiction, mystery, horror. I love all of those genres. Plus there was Scully. No matter how sexist that writer's room was, Scully was awesome. But you kept seeing bad writing. Even in the heyday seasons, like Season 3, there were really terrible eps that made you want to fix things.

I'm a lifelong speculative fiction fan and a published feminist science fiction author. I actually was published before I fell down the fic hole. I got involved in fanfic due to getting my fantasy novel turned down from every major publisher for being "too dark". And I needed to get readers to see my stuff to prove to myself that I wasn't terrible at writing. I got a ton of feedback and it was like market research to see what people wanted to read.

My time in fanfiction made me 100% a better writer than I was.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

I went to the X-Files Expo to see if I could make contact with someone from Harper Collins because the tie-in novels sucked so hard. I got rejected with my pitch as I didn't have a literary agent.

Around that time, a pal who I watched X-Files with IRL was looking for a free X-files wallpaper for her work computer when she found the website where fans in Pennsylvania had fic archived. She read some and wrote to me - "you need to see this, and you can do better." So I started reading and was.... I probably CAN do better. So I wrote The Batman Plot. And made two friends I'm still friends with with that one story.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

Nonexistent. I couldn't even watch the latest season and I saw only 2 of season one of whatever that was before I gave up. I have never watched the second movie.

X-files is my first fandom bad ex-husband. I loved it SO MUCH, but it betrayed me.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

I was deep into Harry Potter for a while, but I didn't end up publishing anything in it. All my stories were novel-length and I was writing so much for work, I never completed anything. I called Snape/Lily when Prisoner of Azkaban was published and got Jossed by Rowling in one of my big ideas. (This is bad fandom ex-husband 2. JKR will never get a dime of money from me again because of her hateful stance on transfolk. I have RL friends who are trans and NO.)

I wrote fic in Supernatural. It was the obvious next thing after X-Files. However, the misogyny and bringing in all the Angel/Devil Christofascist stuff lost me. The ep where they declared all other religions other than Christianity as invalid and killed a Hindu god made me stop watching for good. I know enough Christofascists IRL that I can't tolerate it in my fiction. (Bad fandom ex-husband 3)

Who are some of your favorite fictional characters? Why?

This list is far too long to actually make. But characters I spent time writing about include: Kirk, Spock, McCoy and Co. (I wrote three unpublished Star Trek novels before I found online fandom). King Arthur and Morgan Le Fay, Sherlock Holmes (I wrote a Sherlock Holmes play after seeing "Crucifer of Blood" and entered it in a national competition, where I got very nice comments back.), Mulder, Scully and Krycek, Rowling's Hermione and Snape (like him or not, its masterful characterization), Dean and Sam Winchester, John Winchester and Bobby Singer. I wrote one comedy story starring Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. A couple of Roswell stories under a different name. Catwoman and Batman. I have some unpublished Avengers fanfic lying around as I'm an OG Marvel fan with a massive comic collection.

Do you ever still watch The X-Files or think about Mulder and Scully?

I was on a business trip a few years ago and FX had a marathon and I watched part of it when I was in my hotel room. Early seasons are comforting, but I don't go back there now.

Do you ever still read X-Files fic? Fic in another fandom?

I don't read X-Files fic anymore. I read a tiny bit of Star Wars after the second movie because Rian Johnson had it right. Now I don't care. I love Mandalorian, but am content to watch.

Do you have any favorite X-Files fanfic stories or authors?

Too many to count. All of YV. Which reminds me, I need to go update our entry at Fanlore. I promised Punk I'd do it a while back. I need to at least get everyone linked. Right now it's only Punk and Sab.

But it was a ton of us. Marasmus, Maria Nicole, Cofax, CazQ, M. Sebasky, Livia Balaban, Kelly Keil, Wen, Ropobop, Jess Mabe, JET, fialka, and a bunch of others that I can't remember their fic names any more, just their real names because I know them all IRL. I need to go back and look up their fic names and link them up there.

In addition to my little group of pals, I loved reading Mustang Sally and Rivka T, Rachel Anton - I keep trying to find her to encourage her to write romance if she's not doing it already, but no dice, Dasha K., Anjou, there were so many great ones, but their names have slipped my mind in the past 20 years.

What is your favorite of your own fics, X-Files and/or otherwise?

I'm most known for Prone, and I'm proud of that story for all kinds of reasons, but I think my very best is The Crouching Thing.

I mostly didn't publish anything I didn't think was good and hadn't been machete betaed within an inch of its life, but I'm not sure much of the angsty romance stuff holds up as well. I think it worked when the show was still ON and we were all in that emotional headspace, but probably not now.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

Funny you ask. I am currently reworking a plot idea I had for an X-Files fic into a contemporary M/M novel, which I will publish under a different pen-name. The plot is the idea I had for X-Files, the characters are very, very different other than one is uptight and the other more easy-going. But no more Mulder and Scully.

Do you still write fic now? Or other creative work?

I have been making my living as a writer for 25 years. I write the word count equivalent of 5 Tolkein novels a year, just for my day-job. I am turning back to original fiction, which is where I was before X-Files. I'm working on the M/M thing, a high fantasy thing, a low fantasy historical thing and a bunch of M/F Regency romances as I get time and energy. I publish Fantasy and SF under my real name. Romance has pen names as you don't want that getting back to your workplace, either.

SEP is fic only and here she will stay.

Where do you get ideas for stories?

I have too many ideas to count. I try to write them down when they come, so I won't forget. At least the outline of the idea. Often a scene. I've been like this my entire life. I started writing novels seriously at 15. I wrote a 500 plus page one about Morgan Le Fay during breaks in high school because "Mists of Avalon" pissed me off so bad as I'd read the original source material and that was a Wicca recruitment polemic.

What's the story behind your pen name?

Sarah Ellen was my great-grandma, Parsons was her grandma's last name.

Do your friends and family know about your fic and, if so, what have been their reactions?

Half my friends ARE fic friends. Most of my friends know as does my brother, who thinks writing for free is dumb. This is universally agreed on by non-fic friends who know. My mother still doesn't know about the fic. Just the "real" writing. I write under a pen name to keep it away from my job and my published work.

Is there a place online (tumblr, twitter, AO3, etc.) where people can find you and/or your stories now?

My X-files stuff is up on Gossamer mostly. I'm trying to get the stories all moved to AO3 for all the genres. I'm working on this now. SEP is really not a living thing anymore, but there was a time when she was more me than me.

If you want to find my "real" non-fic writing, write to me at se_parsons at yahoo dot com and I will point you at it.

And PLEASE someone, hunt down Rachel Anton and get her writing something we all can BUY. Where are my old Krycek bitches at? Do any of you know where she is? [Lilydale note: I’ve tried contacting Rachel Anton for this Old School X project but have not had luck. I would love to find her too!]

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

The community I loved has mostly moved on, but I think we left a legacy of solid work crafted out of our love for the show. Find a living community you love for a show you love. There are great people out there creating and get involved. It will be worth it.

(Posted by Lilydale on December 15, 2020)

#new post #old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #sarah ellen parsons

37 notes · View notes

idonotbitemythumbatyou · 3 years

Text

Part iii of this ask meme!

Part i, Part ii

Fulke!

How I feel about this character

… I love her. She is a bad person with a haircut to match. I will not sit here and try to convince you she’s secretly good. She’s horrible. And… beshrew my heart- I love her. At least I know my trash is trash!

She is an angry, tightly coiled, zealous monster. She knows what she believes, knows what she wants, and gives zero fucks who gets trampled along the way. I love that she can blend in with Christians, but is decidedly not one of them, and she leaves a wave of confusion and outrage wherever she goes. I love me a high-strung evil Joan of Arc.

She was planning to kill Aelfred when you kill her. Like, if Eivor had waited a few weeks, this woman would have prevented the formation of the fucking Templars.† I can’t get over that.

I just love a well-written villain. And I love a villain who wins. Whatever you think of Fulke, she dies happy: proven correct, and having met a god.

Most of my fandom friends begrudgingly endure me talking and writing about her. I’ve also gotten a few people going “this better not awaken anything in me…” followed by “Update: it awakened something in me.”

When I write Fulke, she is a repressed, angry, miserable person. I use her to explore religious trauma, and shame, and what that does to a person. It doesn’t always make you kinder and more empathetic. Not everyone wants to engage with that kind of narrative on their fucking free time! Not everyone finds that cathartic! I do, but I totally understand if people want to stick to more pleasant stories.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Eivor. (I know.) Personally, I can only really see this happening with some massive diversions from canon. As I’ve said before, I imagine Fulke as a deeply repressed lesbian. She clearly came up in Christianity and still takes its teachings very seriously. Even as she seems to have layered these other truths and ideas on top. And Eivor is a big dumb oafish Vikingr - at least in Fulke’s eyes. She is so condescending and shitty to Eivor through the entire Oxenfordscire arc, and even if there was some attraction there I think it would take unusual circumstances for Fulke to give up control to the degree that she could ever act on it. Any admission of attraction is a relinquishing of power, and a moment of vulnerability and I don’t think Fulke… does that.

I have one fic where Eivor has an unfortunate sex dream about her (these things happen).

And in my major work about her she has successfully unlocked Odin to merge with Eivor into one consciousness. She relinquishes control to Eivor as an act of worship - and that’s how the relationship starts (very healthy).

But I don’t have anything that follows canon where they hook up in real life, because I think it would just be so difficult for it to actually happen as Fulke is in canon. As I said in my previous meta about her, she’s the sort of person who resents her own attraction, and it sours into cruelty. If they somehow had a moment before her betrayal, it would be a very different dynamic than what I have written anywhere else. Fulke would be arrogant, and mocking; Eivor would be defensive and reactive and...

Dammit, I'm going to write this, aren't I?

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Ealhferth, the Seax, the dude that’s like “you are such a dumbass something worse is going to come about when you finish dismantling the order.” when you assassinate him. He seems to know what’s up. It feels like he’s also a true believer in the order of ancients like Fulke. There’s a reason she brings him into her plans to kill Aelfred. I don’t know, she seems to move around too much to have any friends, but they probably get along.

If she had lived, she probably would have started a cult - or become the head of the order. And then the cult would be my non-romantic OTP for her.

My unpopular opinion about this character

I just think she’s neat. That’s a pretty unpopular opinion right there. My other unpopular opinion is that I don’t buy her given backstory. I know she was originally written as a man, and was changed to a woman late enough in the development process that her original concept art was of a dude. And I don’t think they retooled her backstory quite enough for it to make sense as a woman. I also don’t think it matters at the end of the day; it doesn’t impact the game at all. However, I have a totally non-canon backstory for her that will appear in my fic

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.

I wish she was the main villain! Aelfred is boring! Yeah yeah… history. Fine. But it would have been a more satisfying ending. A way they could have done this would be to have her get away when you rescue Sigurd - maybe halfway through your fight, have her think she’s successfully killed Aelfred - when really he’s just escaped, then take his place as the head of the order. Then another boss fight at the end. it would have been a lot more narratively satisfying than the end with the Order we do get.

† It's just a fan theory that Aelfred starts the Templars, but it seems pretty well foreshadowed that he does.

#Fulke

14 notes · View notes

capricornsicle · 4 years

Note

I have a feeling your ask box and I are going to be familiar. You might be hot-taked out after that killer Satomi discourse. But whenever you’ve got it in you, I’d sure love to hear what you think about Kira and her Jeff-deemed-absolutely-necessary departure.

Oh, definitely. And I do love content, so...

Kira Yukimura was done so dirty by the writers and Jeffrey “I’m not racist I’ll prove it by arguing to poc calling me out for it on twitter” Davis. Her treatment was racist, tokenizing, and it wasn’t even high-brow racism. It was sloppy and lazy. If you’re gonna write all your characters of color off the show, commit to it. She went to the desert like 5 times before she stayed. Cowards.

Kira was only meant to be on the show for the Nogitsune storyline in 3b. However, fans liked her so much that, as with Theo in season 6, she was brought back for more episodes. The difference is that Cody Christian is white-passing and male and Arden Cho is not. Female characters don’t exist on Teen Wolf without a relationship to a male character. Hayden existed for Liam. Tracy existed for Theo. Melissa existed for Scott and Argent. Allison existed for Scott. Lydia, the female character with the most screentime of all of them, spent a lot of her time existing in relationship to Jackson, Stiles, Parrish (shudder), and other male main characters. Women on the show were reduced to love interests and mothers more often than not, and Kira was the same.

I loved her character. I loved her arc. I loved Arden Cho, who in real life is as sweet and kind as her character. I enjoyed her parents, both Noshiko, who’s surprisingly funny and a total badass, and Ken, who’s the most wholesome man in the universe. The only straight man we stan. I love him.

Anyways, Kira was getting a fun arc outside of being Scott’s girlfriend, with her parents and her powers and all, and then wham, white-passing boy shows up and no more main character status for Kira. Guess there wasn’t enough room to keep the only interesting plot line of all the ones happening in s5. Personally, I would have chosen Kira over the Marrish garbage fire of underage relationships, but that’s just me.

Then. The Skinwalkers. I could write a whole essay about them, but this is a Kira post, so I’ll limit it to her. At least Luther got sent to the moon for a reason. Kira got sent to the desert for “rEaSoNs”. There was no indication that her power was out of control, but every indication it wasn’t. She was growing and learning. Then, suddenly, she was “too powerful” so she had to go to the desert and disappear for a few episodes and then go back and forth for a while before they wrapped up sending Theo to the upside down or wherever he went and she could finally go... hang out with the people who we were told could help her control her power but who only threw spears at her and gave her a season finale ex machina. Then back to the desert with you!

You can tell something was going on backstage in her treatment. Arden Cho wasn’t informed she was being cut, she had to be told by fans. Her departure was carried out as swiftly as possible, and not for any real reason. Kira would have been tremendously helpful against the hunters and in a lot of later scenes, against the Ghost Riders (and let me remind everyone that KIRA WAS THE ONE WHO TOLD LYDIA ABOUT THE WILD HUNT), against pretty much anything. Immune to electrocution? Don’t help with the hunters who love electrocuting people. Sloppy writing through and through.

And what’s more is that Kira was cut just in time for the Scalia thing, which was so fucking rushed oh my GOD nothing has ever been less natural- this is a Kira post, calm down capsicle. Anyways, Kira got replaced as Scott’s love interest and not much else by a white girl, no hate on Malia or Shelley but much on the writers. I loved Malia and Kira’s friendship, and if anyone should have gotten with Malia, it should have been Kira. (The first time I saw Malia I wondered if we were getting another ambiguously brown character, actually, but no, just Georgian and well-tanned. But I bet not all my followers knew Tracy was played by a Chinese and Cherokee actor. Or that Nolan was played by a Mexican and Caxcan actor. Or that Theo was played by a Penobscot Native actor. The list goes on of white-passing POC who got to stay marginally longer than Black or brown characters.) The “Scott ends up with a white girl he has no chemistry with” threw me for many loops, especially after I was surprised to find myself liking Scira, even though I’m usually bored by straight relationships because of their one-sided focus and nonexistent chemistry. Kira got to be a character outside of Scott, and I liked their romance better for it, and then desert for a thousand years!

TLDR on the canon end of things is that Kira and Arden were done dirty by a group of powerful white men who wanted to tell a cishet white story.

Now, on the fandom end of things, I’m stepping into the real hot water. It’s safe to say that Kira’s story was sloppy and Arden didn’t deserve that ending, but it’s less safe to say that this fandom doesn’t treat her that well either. Here’s the most popular x Scott ships on Ao3, under the Teen Wolf tag with no other filters.

Scott and Allison. Scott and Stiles. Scott and Isaac. Then Scott and Kira, in dead last. Scott and Malia don’t even make the top ships list, probably because of how rushed and sloppy it was, but I digress.

People love Scott and Allison a lot, and I get that. I liked her too. I was also sad when she died. But, unlike a lot of sentiment I see in this fandom, I don’t think she should have been brought back to fight the beast in season 5 and get back with Scott. Not only do I think bringing characters back to life without very good reason and explanation (which they wouldn’t have, come on) cheapens their death, and that bringing characters back to life is weak storytelling in general, but let’s recall that Scira is still a thing in season 5. They’re still madly in love when Kira leaves. Allison should not have come back and love-triangled so Kira could be written off for a different white girl or so the massive amount of young white girls in the fandom who love Allison would be angry at Kira for breaking up their OTP. That would have been the one thing that could have made season 5 worse. (Well, they could have made Marrish a thing or killed Mason, but Jeff Davis thought about it and a shiver went down his spine because the ghost of Christmas future hears my name in its nightmares.)

Even if people aren’t “bring Allison back” campers, they largely ignore Kira’s entire existence. People who post gifsets and posts about Allison or Lydia don’t give anywhere near the same amount of attention to Kira. I see more Malia posts, actually. And while all of them had more runtime than Kira, none of them paired with Scott quite as perfectly, or had such strong independent storylines. Lydia almost did, but it kept petering out and she kept going back to main plot only. I see lots of appreciation posts for Allison and Lydia and Malia and the men, obviously, but NOTHING for Kira or Arden Cho. We all know what happened backstage because we read the same post in 2016 or whenever and then we all stopped talking about it.

Even the racism in this fandom skips Kira. Scott antis, I’m looking (controversially) at you. I’m glad Kira isn’t the subject of a bunch of obvious racism (as much as “bring Allison back!” makes it subtle), but not because she’s a forgotten side character. Kira made the main credit sequence! She has a sword! What else could you all POSSIBLY want?

And here’s where I burn at the stake: Kira was written off her own damn “look Fun Japanese mythology” storyline half the time so it could center around Stiles. A white boy. There were numerous issues with the mythology before that — “Oni” means demon, not “firefly samurai ninja”, and it refers to a similar mythology as the western “fae”, a large collection of creatures benevolent, malevolent, and in between, with different traits and origins. Kitsunes are meant to be red or white, not gold, and they’re foxes, not cats, animation team. “Nogitsune” refers to the malevolent class of “low” Kitsune, or “wild” Kitsune, who didn’t align themselves with the goddess Inari and do divine and pious work. There are many of them and the most they really do is harass people at shrines, not murder indiscriminately for funsies. They’re only malevolent in that they like doing bad deeds, not that they’re serial killers. And they’re not one of the usual 13 low Kitsune, two of which are bad of their own accord! (Spirit and Air. Google it!) They are meant to be dealt with by Inari-aligned high Kitsune, not your average tricky fox. Among other things.

So Stiles. Outside of the Kira storyline, he’s used in a lot of fandom discourse about racism and sexism. And queerbaiting. Y’all love a scrawny white boy. Anyways, Stiles gets possessed by the Nogitsune (that’s NOT how that works but okay Jeffrey) and suddenly s3 is about him. Kira’s not evil, now let’s look at Stiles being tired and messy and killing people. Dylan #1 did a great job playing that part, no hate on him, but the fact that a white boy became the main character in a Japanese (or Korean, if you’re Jeff, same thing) girl’s storyline is. Hmm. How do you call it? Blatant racism. And erasure. Which is racism. YIKES, Jeff. There is so much wrong with Stiles being the Nogitsune and controlling the Oni and his whole story (and oh my god the other guy who got possessed was also a white boy instead of a Japanese character played by the same actress Jesus fucking Christ). I’m not going into that, because that’s its own essay.

Anyways, because of how much this fandom loves Stiles, it’s easy to ignore how Kira and Japanese characters were treated. People project onto Stiles with glee. He’s white. He’s awkward. He’s (supposedly) not super attractive. (Yikes.) He’s ditzy and bouncy and all that fun stuff, but he also always saves the day. He got written off for most of 6b and he still saved the stupid day. And hey, dark!Stiles (let’s not get into calling him dark instead of Nogitsune that’s just too much wine we’d have to crack open to say it) is a fun trope and people like posting and creating about him. Except that he’s the white boy who took Kira’s storyline. Her independent story about Kitsune and the like was all given over to him, not just by the show, but by the fandom. So now every post about Kitsune is a Stiles post, even if it started with Kira. And because it’s Stiles, and this fandom loves him, and is easily offended by people leaning too hard on the glass house around them and him, Kira gets forgotten and swept aside. Everyone would rather talk about Stiles. Who is incapable of bad. Or cultural appropriation. But if you attack him you’re being ableist because he has ADHD. This is why I relate to Nolan for anxiety feels instead.

TLDR on the fandom end, y’all don’t treat Kira better than the show did. I see a few posts here and there from some dedicated users — typically the same people posting about Boyd, Deaton, Morrell, yeah that’s it I’m the only one posting about Kali. (Un-fun fact: Kali was not played by an Indian actor, but by a half-Black actor. Jeff Davis, when called out on twitter, said “wow ok idiots we tried to find an Indian actress but it was hard actually SUPER hard so shut up and stop telling me how to write MY show”, which is paraphrasing with intent to make fun, but exactly what he said.) Y’all who know about Arden and Kira should diversify your blogs to include more POC, especially ones where the actor AND character were rudely sidelined for vague white people reasons. Post gifs of Kira along with Allison, Lydia, and Malia. Post ship stuff of Scira too. Post about kitsunes, the origin story of the Nogitsune, when you post about the white boy who became the main character of that arc. Call the show out. Call the fandom out. Stop making every bit and piece of her story about Czechoslovakia White Boy. Demand Kira in any future runs of the show, if season 7 or whatever does happen. Include her in your fanfictions, in your headcanons, in your art. You don’t have to love her, but you have to remember that she’s as there as any of the white characters are.

This take is very hot. If I receive racist asks and/or messages about this, I’m going to make fun of each and every sender.

103 notes · View notes

adventures-in-asexuality · 3 years

Note

1, 2, 3, 18, 26

Fanfic asks!

1. From one to five stars, how would you rate your writing? (No downplaying yourself!)

God, I mean - on what scale? Out of everything I’ve read - maybe three? I’ve read a lot of writing better than mine and a lot of writing worse than mine - but that’s always going to be the case, and the more I read by better writers the better my writing will be, so - I feel like you’re always going to end up middle of the scale here.

2. Why do you write fanfiction?

Philosophically? I suppose because I have some thoughts and questions and things to say, and fanfiction is a mode of communicating these that suits me quite well. But that’s the same for any kind of creation, I think.

Rather than original fiction? Honestly, a lot of it is the community aspect here - I can write and know that other people will read my writing; I can beta other people’s work and they beta mine; I can contribute to the massive, sprawling conversations that make up fandoms. You know how long I’ve spent writing original stuff, off and on, and never really sticking with it, partly because that communal, conversational atmosphere is, it turns out, pretty important to me. It’s been not quite two years of fanfic, and my skills have expanded so far beyond anything I expected or anywhere I’d previously gotten. (And even into professional stuff, which is useful - I’ve been writing scripts for training videos, and got 3k+ of scripts written over a couple of afternoons recently, which would’ve been unthinkable a couple of years ago.)

Why the specific fandoms or pairings or ideas? I’m very much of the mindset of writing fanfic to explore things that aren’t in the original canon - I’m not concise enough for missing scene fanfic (though good missing scene fanfic is very good!), but I think fandoms like JJBA or TGCF have so much space around the margins in which a thousand other stories could flourish, and - well, why not write whichever of those stories gets its teeth into me? (I feel like the Locked Tomb trilogy, conversely, is so tightly wound together that I couldn’t really poke at it until Alecto comes out, because there are so many questions I either want to know the answer to, or want to know that there is no answer before messing with them.)

3. What do you think makes your writing stand out from other works?

You’re just out here trying to make me write a cover letter, hm?

I feel like, to a large extent, this is something that readers could better answer; my reading of my work is always coloured by everything I intended, whether or not it actually made it into the piece in a way that other people would recognise. (But then again everyone will read something differently, etc etc etc, you can cite this better me.)

I guess... what feels like a Rowan Fic to me is something that’s got plenty of pain and despair, but that’s still funny; something that plumbs the horror of... whatever the piece is about, and then takes a moment at the worst possible point to make a pun about it. (nowhere to go always feels like a particular example of this to me - so much of the emotional backdrop of it is about the desperate and doomed struggle for the freedom you once feel yourself to have had and the terror of relying on other people whom you know will let you down, but it’s also about Denominational Opinions Hour and bad jokes and last-gasp clutches for any joy we can wring out of life before it leaves us.)

I’d like to say that gentleness and hope also fit in there somewhere, even if there’s nothing to hope for beyond the present moment - but that’s probably more aspirational than anything else.

18. Wildest fic you’ve ever written?

GOOD NEWS, I’M CURRENTLY WRITING BEEFLEAF FAKE DATING.

If it’s got to be something I’ve written and published - probably this love; Sugawara no Michizane AU is not a recognised tag for a reason, and mixing ghosts up so tightly with Stands is definitely a choice that was made (although Araki also made it; don’t think I haven’t thought about that for hours on end!), but, well. It came out better than I thought it might.

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

Hm - mostly, I think, specific aspects of relationship- or sex-based stuff, for different reasons. I’d really like to write more about queerplatonic or otherwise non-normative but still significant partnerships, but I do worry about how people will take that (and also how to tag it, as I’ve complained before). I’ll almost certainly end up doing so anyway - and a fair few of the relationships I have written skew, well, less than normative romantic, just because it’s me writing them - but I’ve never dug into that as much as I’d like to.

On the other end of the spectrum, I’m really wary of writing much physical touch stuff; I have no real desire to write sex, but I do end up walking back from or rewriting touches or interludes that could be read as something even vaguely approaching sexual because I’m not sure how other people would read it, and whether I want to risk their interpretations. (Mostly this irritates me when I think of a really good joke, and on rereading it I’m like ‘yeah but do I want strangers to read this? am I comfortable with their assumptions?’)

Honourable mention to horrible ex-Christianity fic, which I’m less afraid of writing and more haven’t yet found the place for - but I’m sure that once I do find a home for it, I will be afraid; it’s going to be a lot of messy feelings. (I’m still so mad that a Saturday Night Live MDZS AU has one of the best ex-Christian phrases I’ve ever seen. >:[[[[)

#thank you for the ask!#even if it took me forever to answer #fanfic asks #lexgriffiths

3 notes · View notes

dragonofyang · 4 years

Text

On Love and Lions Part 1: An Analysis on Love in VLD

“I have always believed that unity is where true power comes from, and true unity can only be born of love.” --Gyrgan, Paladin of the Yellow Lion

Voltron: Legendary Defender is a cartoon on Netflix that–with the final season available to watch on Netflix–has extremely regressive and harmful messages. The S8 on Netflix carries lessons about how war is good, that men shouldn’t respect the wishes and desires of women, that violence and abuse mean even victims aren’t deserving of forgiveness. Everything about that is 100% antithetical to what VLD was about throughout the prior seasons and each harmful message is another nail in the coffin of the original narratives of peace, respect, and fundamentally how everyone is deserving of love and forgiveness, regardless of the circumstances of their birth.

In fact, the theme of love in VLD is something we at Team Purple Lion wish to discuss. It’s arguably the most absolutely fundamental theme of the show. Love destroys the universe, and love saves it over and over again. And love would have rebuilt the universe, but thanks to the edits ordered by the trademark holder, the universe that should have been born from love was instead born from one girl sacrificing her life because she saw no better option. She didn’t even get to tell her only remaining father figure goodbye. What kind of message is that? In the original final season, prior to the executive meddling, we should have seen how love was such a powerful force in the universe that it could not just repair this reality, but all realities. And it’s not just romantic love, but six types of love.

Now, for those of you more familiar with our work, we’ve discussed some pretty big concepts in VLD and how they’re addressed, and there will be even more in future episodes of our reconstruction Rise and Atone. VLD engages not just with its own predecessors in the Voltron franchise, but Beast King GoLion, Labyrinth, Frankenstein, and Maureen Murdock’s The Heroine’s Journey is all but the story bible for Allura’s arc. The concepts we are about to discuss date back to Ancient Greece, and while love can be more than these concepts, it’s important that we have a framework through which we can discuss and analyze love as it appears in VLD without getting lost in all the examples.

In American culture, “love” is not very well-differentiated between kinds because we only use one word: “love”. While we use it across all sorts of contexts, we have to add modifiers when we don’t mean romantic love or familial love, which are the most commonly-acknowledged forms of love. VLD, being written and edited by primarily Americans living in America, also encounters this issue, but it does not focus solely on romantic love, which can complicate how to interpret love in the show. We, however, would like to argue that not only is it all love, but it doesn’t all have to be good love, familial love, or romantic love. At the end of the day the plot is driven by love in its many forms. Love is so baked into the story that it’s quite difficult to extricate, dare I even say impossible, and that ultimately is part of why we were able to reconstruct so much of what was lost in S8.

The Ancient Greeks had many words for love, but we feel it’s important to discuss the dialogue that VLD engages in with various forms of love, using the Ancient Greeks’ framework as a guide. The model gives us concrete definitions of different kinds of love, and can help us as an audience understand the various forms of love that are present in VLD. It’s important that we define the different ways we can observe love being portrayed because much of VLD relies on the writing adage of “show, don’t tell”.

So without any further ado, let’s dig into what, precisely, is love.

As stated earlier, we’ll be using terminology coined by the Ancient Greeks, specifically six categories of love that we feel are most prevalent in the show. We’ve also deduced our own examples of these forms of love when they’re taken too far or flat-out discarded, which will be discussed in a companion article.

The six forms of love are as follows:

Eros: the most famous kind of love, an intense (and often sexual) passion for another being and seeing the beauty within them. This is the love that most closely aligns with romantic love as we understand it in a modern American context.

Philia: an affection and loyalty between friends, notable for its platonic nature, it is the love that arises between friends, and can be found among family, but the modern equivalent would be the found family trope.

Storge: this is the intrinsic empathy between individuals, primarily the attachment of parents to children. This form of love was primarily used to describe familial relationships, and the patience one sometimes needs when around blood relatives.

Philautia: put simply, this is self-love in its purest form. It is acknowledging your needs, wants, and happiness without apology. The Ancient Greeks considered Philautia to be a basic human need.

Xenia: while many might not consider this to be a form of love, it is hospitality, or as we define it, love between a host and their guests. Specifically, this would be the care a host gives to their guests in both physical (food, gifts, etc.) and non-physical (respecting rights, protection, etc.). Hospitality is massively important because if you are good to someone while they are in your home, they will be equally good to you if you visit theirs.

Agape: this is a Greco-Christian term, ultimately, and is a little more difficult to understand because it can be confused with other forms of love. At its core, though, it is a pure and unconditional love such as that between spouses, families, or God and man. It shouldn’t be confused for other forms of love such as Philia because unlike the other forms of love, which only focus on one aspect of humanity, Agape is the unconditional and universal love for everyone. It’s sexless, unlike Eros. At its core, it’s the love born of goodwill to all people, regardless of circumstance.

While these are only six categories, there are many ways of interpreting love, especially since there are so many avenues to see love–in good and bad forms–in VLD. These categories are also not inherently hierarchical, and are not presented in any particular order. Agape is the main exception, being more convoluted in its nature, and thus is discussed at the end. It also narratively serves as part of the culmination to the plot, so it carries a greater weight in relation to the alpha plot of the whole story.

Now, let’s examine how they present in VLD. As an official reminder, please remember that all analysis of VLD is done from a ship-neutral stance and we are not proposing any endgame romances. The sole purpose of this article is to discuss observable portrayals of love in its various forms, and to analyze both the text and the metatextual messages resulting from them.

Eros: Passionate Love

Eros… arguably this is the most contentious form of love presented in VLD, if only because of all the ship wars that occurred in the fandom. Eros drives the shipping communities of fandoms across the world, because it often stems from on-screen chemistry or the potential of the fleeting seconds where a spark flies but does not catch in canon. The beauty of Eros is that it ripples quietly through fiction, or it can be a tsunami ready to devour the story. It’s the quiet whisper of two women sharing a private moment, to the shouted declarations in the heat of battle. Eros thrums through fandoms in a desperate tempo for seeing a love as passionate as you can feel in characters who may never share more than a glance.

Plato actually had quite the influence on the word “Eros”, because “Eros” or erotic love, was largely regarded as a type of madness brought upon a person by seeing someone whose beauty strikes your heart with an arrow (Cupid’s arrows, anyone?). Eros is the love that drives you to despair if the object of your affections is cruel or uninterested, and it burns like a fire. “Falling in love at first sight” is the key concept here, and you can see it reproduced in fandoms across the world, though many cultures have their own names and terms for it. Henry George Liddell and Robert Scott define “Eros” in A Greek-English Lexicon as “love, mostly of the sexual passion”. Plato, however, redefined the word to include a nonphysical aspect. He discusses it in Symposium and says that while (physical) Eros can be felt for a person initially, with contemplation you can and will fall in love with a person’s inner beauty, which for Plato was the ideal, since he specifically emphasized the lack of importance of physical attraction. In fact, Jung–who coined the Anima and Animus–has a similar approach, with an emphasis on unity within the self by accepting your internal Eros which manifests as your feminine Anima/masculine Animus.

In the text of VLD, Eros is remarkably subdued. This is partially due to its rating. Being a Y7-FV show, VLD can’t really have explicitly sexual content. Sure the implication can exist, but a lot of times sex has to be carried through metaphor if a story is to address it at all. Take the juniberry as an example. It’s a three-petal flower of a deep rose and softer pink, delicately topping a green stem, with a yellow pistil. In much of literary history, flowers represent female sexuality and beauty, and they are common representations of youth across genders.

Now, in strictly biological terms, flowers as a sexual symbol is a 1:1 accuracy in analysis, because the flower is the reproductive organ of a plant. I’d like to analyze the juniberry from a biological perspective, because understanding the anatomy of a flower can help us understand its role in literature as a metaphor for sex. The whole point of the flower is to be able to spread pollen across individual plants, whether by wind or by pollinators such as bats or bees, and breed to produce more plants. The actual reproductive organs of flowers are called the stamen and pistil, respectively. The stamen produces pollen, while the pistil collects pollen in its ovule to fertilize and create seeds. A stamen is a very slender filament, topped with what’s called an “anther”, which is where the pollen is actually released. The pistil, meanwhile, has a thicker base with a long body, usually topped with a few tendril-like structures called “stigma”.

Diagram by the Association of Societies for Growing Australian Plants [ID: A simple cross-section diagram of a flower. Three petals are visible on the far side, with reproductive organs drawn in the center. There is also a stalk and sepals at the bottom. Along the sides of the cross-section there are labels. On the left, a category called “Stamen” is labeled, with “Anther” and “Filament” pointing to two parts of the thinner reproductive organ. “Receptacle” marks the base of the flower, and “Peduncle (flower stalk)” marks out the stem. On the right, we have the label “Petal” and three labels under the category “Pistil”: “Stigma”, pointing to the top portion, “Style” pointing to the stem-like feature, and “Ovary” pointing to the rounded bottom. The label “Sepal” marks the leaf-like structure just under the petals. End ID.]

Now, when we look at the juniberries we see in canon, we can see that at no point are any drawn with stamens. They all have a single pistil growing from the center, and they’re topped with three stigma, meaning that all juniberries drawn on-screen are female juniberries.

Juniberries are a quintessential symbol of Altea, and they represent home to Allura, as well as what she’s lost. However, they also represent how Allura’s relationship to her own femininity is not some mystical thing determined by forces beyond her. Colleen gifts Allura a juniberry that was selectively bred from flowers she had available, and it’s identical in every way (that we can see) to the juniberries native to Altea. The message, though it’s subtle, is quite clear: Allura is in control of her femininity and can define herself however she pleases (“highlands poppy” versus “juniberry”). After the sexual undertones that threaded her relationship with Lotor, this is a very important message to convey, especially since a patriarchal story would punish Allura for the metaphorical sex in physical ways, such as how the season 8 on Netflix does.

Allura isn’t simply a vessel for male desire, nor is she a strong female character who doesn’t need a man. Her story is about finding agency separate from male expectations, without forsaking her own femininity in the process. Like the juniberry, she is feminine, but she is able to define herself, and the dark entity masquerading as Lotor reminds her of that with their conversation about calling the juniberry a “highlands poppy”. That’s what makes Lotor so dangerous to a traditional patriarchal values system: he reminds Allura that she has a choice.

It’s important to note that during their interactions Lotor never gives Allura a choice in the sense that he, a man, is allowing her one; he simply steps back and encourages her to make the choices to which she is entitled and to act on her emotions and desires. She is an agent of her own free will, and Lotor, being first her Shadow, challenges her to be smarter, quicker on the battlefield, and then as her Animus he challenges her to look inward and become in-tune to her own inner wants and needs. The other Paladins can offer some aid in that, but none of them strike her anxieties or hopes the way that Lotor can, being the crown prince and heir to her sworn enemy, and being half-Altean and half-Galra. He is, in a fundamentally physical way, the union of two races that were at war before Altea’s destruction, and to a survivor of that war, that forces Allura to question the beliefs she held in the beginning of the story. The stakes of success and failure are much higher with Lotor in the picture, and it’s easier to focus literary tension on two characters than five or six, so as a result of that persistent tension, we as the audience are given plenty of chemistry between two characters to spur Eros.

As we discussed last year in “Legendarily Defensive: Editing the Gay Away”, Keith was meant to have a gay relationship with another Paladin. We refuse to write conjecture on what his endgame romance was meant to be, however it is important to discuss Keith’s Eros in a metatextual sense. For example, let’s look at Keith and Shiro. Keith is a legacy character that dates all the way back to 1984 Defender of the Universe. His romantic subplot was relegated to excised footage and extremely subtextual if it managed to squeak past the axe. Shiro was able to be queer, however, due to the fact that he’s a DreamWorks-owned character who is new to the franchise, meaning that there isn’t a legacy that needed to be upheld.

Keith’s queerness, however, still acts as a spur to fuel the potential for Eros, and helps build tension between him and his fellow male Paladins. And I specify male Paladins because during season 2, Keith and Allura go off in a pod by themselves to see if Zarkon is tracking either of them. During the scenes with Keith and Allura together, it’s important to note the background music is remarkably flat and lacking in romantic cues. In prior iterations of Voltron, Keith and Allura are implied as endgame (DOTU), have the beginnings of an on-screen romance (VForce), or straight up just fuck on the page (such as in the comics). It stands to reason that this scene should at least imply some form of passionate chemistry here, but largely it’s two friends confiding in one another and trying to find reassurance as they confess their fears. Keith doesn’t have a moment to admire Allura’s beauty the way we see Lance and Matt do, and Allura doesn’t blush like how she does with Lotor or Lance. Without markers for any kind of Eros, the scene is a quiet moment of contemplation away from the stress, only to be broken by Shiro telling them to get back because the Galra Empire found the Castleship again.

So then where do we see passionate chemistry for Keith? At the risk of starting the ship-war again, his chemistry largely exists with Shiro and Lance. Shiro, narratively, functions as his Mentor, someone to guide and believe in him, who then gives up his position of leadership (sort of) so that Keith can grow. Bringing Shiro back prematurely makes it harder to see, but in a traditional Hero’s Journey, the Mentor figure teaches not-quite-enough to the Hero before disappearing, and the Hero grows on their own and becomes their own person. Naturally, this makes Keith and Shiro have tension, especially since Shiro was brought back prematurely due to marketing, so their relationship dynamic had to change to accommodate Shiro’s return. Lance, however, constantly baits and teases Keith, and Keith frequently rises to it and they argue. They butt heads and don’t have that sense of camaraderie that Keith and Shiro do, so right off the bat there is more obvious tension between the two of them. Eventually, Lance and Keith learn to trust each other, and in season 8 we finally see them settle their rivalry as they prepare to face Honerva. So while Keith’s dynamic with Shiro is more focused on camaraderie and growth, Keith’s dynamic with Lance is more focused on pushing each other to be better warriors and teammates.

Philia: Friendly Love

In VLD, we’re shown that friends can be found anywhere if you’re willing to put down the blasters and try to make them. We’re also shown that just because you’re on the same side of the battlefield, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’re best buddies. Commander Lahn pledges his loyalty to Lotor after his base is saved by Voltron, and Keith and Lance butt heads so often you’d think one would sooner drop the other into a black hole. However, we should never discount the power of friendship, or rather, we should never discount the value of platonic relationships. This includes everything from friendship, to the found family trope, to the mystical bond the Paladins have with their Lions. Philia is the companion’s love, firmly rooted in platonic–and often intellectual–admiration.

Philia, as defined in A Greek-English Lexicon by Liddell and Scott, is “an affectionate regard or friendship, usually between equals”. Where Eros is the fiery passion between sexually-attracted adults, Philia is the platonic love between people who respect and trust each other. This is the love that flows like water, endlessly filling and refilling your emotional needs with good company, good advice, and generally just a good presence. Friendships are the ports we anchor ourselves at when the seas become too rough, and in VLD, where space is the most dangerous frontier and most of the universe is your enemy, friends are more important than ever for our Heroes and Heroines.

[ID: A screenshot of S4E1 “Code of Honor” with Allura, Lance, Coran, Shiro, Pidge, and Hunk sharing a group hug with Keith. Coran, Hunk, Pidge, and Allura are all crying, while Keith, Shiro, and Lance are smiling. End ID.]

Everywhere you look in VLD, you’re sure to find some kind of camaraderie between friends. Lance, Pidge, and Hunk make the Garrison Trio (or as I like to call them, The Planck Constant), and they get into shenanigans together. In fact, it’s entirely likely that had Lance and Hunk not decided to follow Pidge up to the roof, they never would’ve found Shiro, and subsequently Blue Lion. Later, when Voltron has allied with Lotor as the new Galra Emperor, they reprogram a sentry to become the eternally-fantastic Funbot. If you want a prime example of the fun that could be had between friends, those three are quintessential to the definition of Philia. They’re the first Youths you meet in the story, and it’s through their eyes we watch as a far-off intergalactic war comes to Earth at last. The show has us follow them as the audience, and we watch as they meet up with Keith, save Shiro, and then find themselves going from Earth to Kerberos in less than five minutes, and then by the end of their day, they’ve awoken Allura and Coran and are on Arus, thousands of lightyears away from their home.

We see the Paladins go from a rowdy group of teenagers with Shiro as the head to a group of five Heroes and Heroines capable of saving the universe. Lance helps Pidge get all the GAC coins she needs for a video game, and he’s always got the team’s back with his sniper rifle. Hunk always is ready to lend a hand, even when he’s scared of flying Yellow, but when the Taujeerans are in danger of falling into the acid as their planet breaks apart, he’s right there holding them up while the team gets the arc ship ready for takeoff. Our Paladins are the embodiment of the power of friendship, trust, and perseverance, and it’s that tenacity and dedication that should have carried our six Paladins to victory and brought the Purple Paladin back into the light he thought had forsaken him. Black, Red, Green, Blue, Yellow, Purple, and White, together in a bond of pure platonic love. There’s an old phrase I’m sure you’re all familiar with: “blood is thicker than water”. The power of Philia and found family in VLD challenges that notion in the original S8 when Lotor is offered his vindication. “The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.”

Pick any two of our main protagonists and you’re sure to find a thread of Philia connecting them, because when you fight together as one, you inevitably become closer as the trust builds between you. In fanfic terminology, this is the root of the found family trope: strangers and friends finding themselves in a gripping adventure together, and discovering that they’re stronger together than they could be apart, and coming to see these people as more than colleagues or acquaintances. They become your family and people to defend, and the people you trust to have your back when it’s time to face down an enemy together.

That’s part of why Keith leaving for the Blade of Marmora is so fractious. He’s growing into a leadership role and obviously accustomed to it, but with Shiro’s premature return, there’s some growing pains as the incumbent leader and the former leader unintentionally butt heads. Keith needs to be in Black Lion without Shiro to complete his growth, but without a way to easily integrate him back into the team without messing with the legacy, Keith has to go. And like with any good friend, when you have to say goodbye, it’s a bittersweet affair. The team doesn’t want him to go, but in-canon he feels he can do more good with the Blade, but the meta reason is that his Hero’s Journey has been arrested. But, like with any good friend, the team is able to reunite with him at a later date and he integrates back into the group. They are wiser to the world, harder, but they are together again. And they need that unity when it’s time to face Honerva and go into battle for not just their universe, but all realities.

Storge: Familial Love

In English, we have many concepts of love, but generally we only treat the single word of “love” as a word for “love”. As a result, we tend to use other words to modify the type of love we mean, which can get things kind of sticky if you talk about X type of love but don’t specify that it’s X type and not Y type. With familial love, it can be relatively understood without being specified, but as you can see by my explication here, I still have to modify the word “love” with an adjective to describe the next kind of love I will be discussing. Storge, the familial love.

A Greek-English Lexicon defines Storge as “love, affection, especially of parents and children”. Storge, unlike Philia, is not a platonic admiration for a companion in the family, however it does denote respect. Storge is also not the idealized unconditional love of Agape (which we will discuss toward the end of this essay). Storge is the instinctive love for those in your family, especially between parents and children. I also argue the key aspect of Storge is that your family–for all the times you want to tear out your hair–will love you for the rest of their lives. And you’ll love them, because they’re people who have your best interests at heart, even if they don’t always express that well.

Coran, Coran, the gorgeous man himself is Allura’s second father figure (after Alfor), but he’s the only father figure for Allura in the show that’s alive. Coran’s protectiveness of Allura is well-documented. He was furious when she got captured saving Shiro, he warns her to be careful healing the Balmera, he worries for her in Blue, but at no point does he actually prevent her from making her choices. He wants her to have a full life, a happy life, or at least as happy as one can be when you’re one of the only survivors of a war. He’s a father through and through, and even if Allura is Alfor’s daughter by blood, Coran is the one who supports her during the most difficult stage of not just her life but the universe’s life. He loves her, he consistently reminds people to respect her and to think of what’s best for her. Not just as a princess of Altea or the heart of Voltron, but as a daughter. Alfor was her father, but he died before he saw her face the trials in the plot. Coran, however, he gets to see her grow into a woman even greater than what Alfor could have ever imagined. The audience might find him a little frustrating (such as in S8E1 “Launch Date”), and Allura takes his protectiveness in stride, but at the end of the day Coran is a gorgeous man with his heart in the right place, even if his execution is a little off the mark on occasion.

The Holt parents are also good examples of Storge. We see Colleen and Sam fight to tell Earth about what’s been going on, as well as finding their children. Colleen herself is a solid mama bear that anyone would want to have fighting for them in their corner, and we can see she gives no fucks about protocol when she’s told she can’t stay on Garrison grounds with her husband.

[ID: Colleen Holt glaring, her husband Sam behind her looking equally annoyed. She glares at Admiral Sanda (off-screen) as they argue. The subtitle reads, “You’ll get me the clearance.” End ID.]

While Colleen doesn’t hesitate to ground Pidge for running away to space, the fact of the matter is that she and Sam fought like absolute hell to protect their kids in the ways they had available to them. Storge is the love parents have for their children and these two human characters are the perfect examples of it, even if Pidge chafes a bit under being grounded. Sam and Colleen’s love for Pidge and Matt and Coran’s love for Allura are the perfect avenues to explore how Storge is love, even if it’s frustrating, but they also serve as an excellent foil for how that love can be horribly twisted.

Philautia: Self-Love

In S1E1 of VLD, when our human protagonists meet Allura, Sendak is barreling through open space to their location and hellbent on capturing the Blue Lion. Allura is able to talk to Alfor–or rather, his hologram–to seek guidance in the upcoming battle, and he says, “You must be willing to sacrifice everything to assemble the lions and correct my error.”

With VLD, there’s this idea of sacrifice, of giving your life for the greater good, but when discussing acts of love, we also need to talk about acts of love for yourself. We see many instances of characters sacrificing themselves for the greater good, the belief that their death will bring an eventual victory to the Paladins of Voltron and free the universe. Allura throws Shiro into an escape pod so he doesn’t have to suffer the abuse again, but in the process becomes a prisoner herself. Ulaz gives up his life to save the Paladins and keep the Blade of Marmora base secret. Thace sacrifices himself so that Galra Central Command can go offline and the plan can move forward. Keith nearly kills himself trying to break through Haggar’s barrier at the battle of Naxzella before Lotor intervenes and destroys the ship with a blast from his Sincline ship. Sacrifice is a massive part of the show, and needless sacrifices are always undone, but what message do continuous sacrifices leave us with as the audience? It leaves us with Alfor’s lesson: you must sacrifice everything to correct my mistake.

When you’re writing, one of the most basic things you must do to drive a plot forward is change something significant. In the beginning of a story, Character A might think Character B is wrong and has no idea of what it takes to do something, but then Character B later on needs to surprise Character A by proving they can do that thing or that they don’t need to. It forces Character A and the audience to rethink their initial assumptions, and it encourages tension and dialogue between characters that otherwise might not exist. It’s an internal motivation, and one that audiences will pretty much always find more gripping and compelling than a simple monster-of-the-week scenario. VLD is no different. “All Galra are bad/Altea is good” leads to meeting the Blade of Marmora and Alteans who took over their universe. The challenge to a character’s worldview is what makes turning these initial ideas on their head so satisfying.

So what could challenge the idea that you have to sacrifice everything? Especially to correct the mistakes of someone else?

Love. Not for others, not for family, not even for the greater good.

But for yourself.

To quote Audre Lorde, “Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare.” Philautia is the love in which you put yourself first, not because it’s selfish, but because it’s self-care. Self-love is defined by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as “an appreciation of one’s own worth or virtue” and Philautia has been recognized for millennia as a basic human need by the likes of Maslow and the Ancient Greeks. Recognizing your own needs and worth is a fundamentally radical decision, especially if you are in a position where you’re expected to prioritize the needs of others before your own.

S1E1 of VLD offers us pretty much every worldview that gets challenged later on in the series, except for Alfor’s. We see Alteans can be equally cruel, that Galra are not all evil. Voltron is a great protector, but it is also a great weapon, and Keith even calls it an alien warship in the very beginning, highlighting the danger Blue–and consequently Voltron itself–poses by merely existing. Philautia is not the exertion or prioritization of your desires, but the assertion of your needs. It can easily swing too far into selfishness and vanity, but making yourself heard is never a bad decision, and for those who are marginalized, women, trans people, disabled people, neurodivergent people, nonwhite people, it is an act of defiance. The sins of people in positions of power are not the burden for their victims to bear. If protesting is too much or too burdensome, simply taking the time to care for oneself is enough, because you can’t pour water out of an empty cup. Alfor’s plea to Allura was always meant to be overturned with the finale, especially since she’s facing down the antithesis of everything she believed in season 1. Honerva is selfish, manipulative, abusive, and an Altean woman. Alfor would ask Allura to give up everything she has left to destroy Honerva, but in the original and unedited season 8 Allura would have taken that plea and turned it on its head.

VLD’s Princess Allura is the first and only iteration to be a nonwhite girl and voiced by a black woman. Having her sacrifice herself is an extremely harmful message to little girls of color everywhere because it’s not the burden of girls of color to save the world. Their duty is to love themselves and know they’re able to be as brave and kind and intelligent as they’d like. Princess Allura’s arc is about a girl learning to not shoulder the burden of violence, but instead choosing to relieve herself and choose healing and creation, and in turn, her reward would be the literal universe at her fingertips.

And Allura isn’t the only character to learn to love themselves. Lance, as well, learns to become comfortable with himself. At first he’s comfortable and cocky and immature in Blue Lion, but then as the seasons progress and he finds Red to be more of a challenge, he learns he has to follow through with his actions and decisions. He learns that to fly Red, he can’t hesitate and just has to roll with the punches. He dubs himself “the sharpshooter” of the group, and at first he gets laughed at, but then he saves Slav from being trapped in prison once more by firing and making a near-impossible shot. He doesn’t have to forge ahead and fight recklessly, he simply has to see an opportunity and take it.

All our other Paladins learn to become more comfortable with themselves, as well. Hunk becomes more confident in being the voice of reason, and becomes an A+ diplomat in the process. Pidge is able to open up and be honest with her team about her secrets and fears, and in return is blessed not just with that weight off her shoulders, but the knowledge that her team is her family just as much as Sam and Matt are. Keith, too, learns that he doesn’t have to go it alone all the time. He’s able to relax and trust his team, and rather than burdening himself with doing everything, he’s able to rely on the skillsets of the other Paladins and make them a stronger team by focusing his attention on directing them, as opposed to commanding them.

Another interesting example of Philautia is Lotor himself, who at no point is uncomfortable with his mixed heritage, even when he’s called a “half-breed” or when one of his parents blames half of his heritage for his failings. The main reason that it’s not as blatant is because by the time the story begins, he’s been at peace with his heritage and his place in the Galra Empire for a long time, and thus does not play a significant role until he has his breakdown at the end of season 6.

This form of love is quite possibly the most frustrating, if only because so much of its payoff was in season 8. We should see Allura not give up her life in the name of sacrifice, but rather choose to become a goddess in the name of love. We should see Lance become unshakably confident in his abilities when it’s time to face the biggest bad guy of the series. The final season was meant to be a season won through love, and self-love is quintessential to that victory, because it gives viewers the message that your acceptance of yourself is vital to the world. It’s an important lesson for little girls everywhere to know that their worth doesn’t lie in how much of themselves they can give away, but how much of themselves they cultivate and grow, because if you trust in yourself and choose love, then you’ll be as powerful and strong as Princess Allura. It’s possible to be the brave and chivalrous Paladin while also being the princess who likes the occasional sparkly thing.

The lesson of Philautia in VLD is one of embracing your limits of what you can give, and reminding the world that you matter, because loving yourself is the greatest act of defiance when you’re faced with an enemy who wants nothing more than for you to make yourself smaller, weaker, more amicable if it would please them. It’s the reminder to be gentle with yourself, no matter what battles you face, because caring for yourself is just as–if not more–important.

Xenia: Love for the Stranger

Hospitality is a massive part of many cultures, I personally had a relative (who has since passed) who would always have an open door for the poor families in their neighborhood and the stove would always have something cooking. My own mother will cook especially for you if you need her to. There’s a reason “Southern hospitality” is famous. Good food, good company, and ultimately safety are what sets Xenia among the categories of love as defined by the Ancient Greeks. In VLD, this form of love is very sparse in comparison to love such as Philia, however it’s extremely important that our heroes engage in it. To quote Coran, “70 percent of diplomacy is appearance. Then 29 percent is manners, decorum, formalities and chit-chat” (“Changing of the Guard”). The remaining one percent, which Allura notes, is actual diplomacy and fighting for freedom. That’s essentially what hosting, good and proper hosting, is. It’s taking someone into your home and providing them with material comforts and necessities such as food, as well as non-physical ones like safety or protection, or extending and respecting their rights.

A good host will anticipate their guests’ needs because they have a love for their fellow strangers, and they show that love by providing for them. Xenia is the love of the stranger who has taken up space in your home and respecting their need to do so, but it’s also a reciprocal love. By extending your hospitality to a person, they will be more inclined to do the same for you and yours in the future. In Greece it was a complicated dance of gift-giving and receiving, spurred by the belief that one would incur the wrath of a god in disguise. While offending the gods was a big fear, it’s important to remember that good hosting and good guesting will create a deep bond between both parties because you’re respecting one another. Respect your wayward traveler and welcome them into your home, and they will entertain you with tales from far away lands, and in the future you will find a place at their table. Respect your host and the space they provide you, and you’ll receive gifts and care fit for a god. This giving and receiving encourages goodwill between strangers, and providing care to someone you don’t know is an act of love in its own right.

There’s a rule in American food language: “never return an empty dish”. This rule is especially prevalent in the US South and Midwest regions, but the general idea is that when you meet someone new (i.e. a new neighbor) you bring them a dish of something to welcome them and introduce yourself. You make small-talk, help them get acquainted with the area, wish them well, and then go on your merry way. Then, once your new neighbor has settled, eaten the food you gave them, and had time to make something new, they come knocking on your door and return that dish to you with a new food in it.

That’s a facet of what Xenia can encompass, and we see Xenia acted out in three key ways in VLD: Allura recruiting people for the Voltron Coalition, Lotor hosting the Paladins during their alliance, and Hunk showing his care for others through cooking.

Allura, for all her charms, isn’t that great of a diplomat, especially in the beginning of the story. When she meets the Arusians, she accidentally informs them that their dance of apology isn’t enough, which then makes them think they need to sacrifice themselves on a pyre. She thankfully recovers and lets them continue the dance, and then invites them into the Castle of Lions later. With the leaders of the rebel planets, she has a good presence and is rather suave with her guests, however when attention moves off her and onto the Paladins, and when the question of Voltron comes up, it’s extremely difficult for her to take control of the situation again. The loss of Shiro was fresh, and she really didn’t have a good answer that would reveal they couldn’t form Voltron, so she struggled with taking control back. This isn’t an indictment on Allura, but it is meant to point out how Xenia is not easy to learn. As we follow the Paladins, however, Allura gains confidence in her ability to speak publicly, and as they gather more allies it becomes easier for her to encourage alliances. She goes from panicking and trying to keep Arusians from dying to being able to communicate with allies and command a room. Xenia doesn’t come as naturally to Allura as it does to Hunk, and Lotor has had millennia of practice, but the important thing about Xenia is that you extend your hand and make the effort, even if it’s a little clumsy, because in the end you’re caring about strangers and welcoming them into your home and telling them they have a place at your table.

However, where Allura falls short in Xenia, we see both Hunk and Lotor shine. Let’s examine Lotor’s expertise, first.

Lotor is ten thousand years old, and it’s implied he’s spent much of that time playing the political game of the Galra Empire, as well as learning about other planets. It’s canon that he has a thirst for knowledge, and so couple his curiosity with his need to survive a very blood-driven political environment and you have a golden host forged in fire. It’s difficult to surprise Lotor, since he’s pretty much always two steps ahead of everyone. When he forges an alliance with the Voltron Coalition after his victory at the Kral Zera, Lotor has banners hung that bear the same symbol that Zarkon and Alfor fought under, which also adorns the shield on Green’s back. He specifically sought to recall the good times between the Galra and Alteans, and personally greeted the Paladins on his flagship. He encourages the Paladins to explore and use whatever resources they need, because as their host, Lotor–and by extension the entire Galra Empire–is now at their disposal. He’s the ever-perfect host, inviting his lower-ranked guests to make themselves comfortable, and acknowledging Allura’s rank as princess and personally escorting her along. In a lot of other high fantasy or sci-fi stories, showing the heroes around would get palmed off to a servant of some sort, especially if the host is duplicitous. However, Lotor affords our Heroes and Heroines quite a bit of respect compared to what other characters in his place might do, even going so far as to offer his own personal time to the princess when he has an empire to claim still. Given the canon politics, Lotor logically should have been in constant communication with various officers and securing their loyalty to him, but instead he takes time to approach his new allies and make them feel welcome in the headquarters of their former-enemy.

So while Lotor is arguably the best example of good hosting I’ve ever seen in a show (without it turning out to be some sort of ploy), Hunk’s style of Xenia is equally good if in a different way. While Lotor is shown to essentially be a master of decorum, Hunk is a master in the kitchen and the art of making room for everyone at the table. Hunk has only been in space for a few months to a few years (depending on when in the series we’re talking), he hasn’t had the millennia to research planets and learn all their customs, or train in diplomacy to make up for any lack of education. He’s just a guy from Earth who likes to cook and who especially likes to cook for others. In all prior iterations of Voltron, Hunk has always been “the food guy” or “the slightly dumb, but lovable one”. It’s not particularly flattering, and VLD even pokes fun at how flat his character is historically in “The Voltron Show!” by adding fart gag noises. In VLD, however, we see that Hunk is intelligent and brave, if anxious, and he’s more at home in a home than he is in a Lion. Hunk is a good Paladin, but he is quite possibly the best diplomat in the whole show.

A large part of Hunk’s diplomacy lies in listening. When he’s out in the field, he’s quite possibly the best listener out of the entire team. When there are guests on the Castleship, or when the Alteans are on the IGF-Atlas, he doesn’t just listen, he welcomes them. In scenes from season 8, we really get to see this shine, because as Hunk says in “Day Forty-Seven”, “food has a way of reminding people of moments in time.” Bringing good memories with food can go a long way to putting stress and anger behind people.

Every person has a dish that, when prepared, makes them relax and think of happy memories. In Hunk’s kitchen, everyone eats, and nobody is unwelcome. Whether you’re Commander Lahn and working with Hunk to save your planet from devastating radiation, or you’re an Altean who just wants what’s best for your people, Hunk will meet you halfway and try to see things from your perspective, and offer you a cookie because he feels like it. Hunk’s Xenia is not wrapped up in protocol or etiquette. His Xenia is found just across the kitchen table, with a plate of warm food and a friendly conversation, ready to listen to your troubles and offer a hug, if not a solution.

Agape: Unconditional Love

Now that we have discussed the five prior categories of love as defined by the Ancient Greeks, let’s examine Agape, which can be difficult to conceptualize. “Agape” originates a Greek term, however it wasn’t used very often until Christianity came into the picture, and thus it encompasses far more than even xenia does, because while Xenia is love in the form of courtesy to travelers, Agape’s prevalent definition stems purely from the idea that God loves everyone unconditionally. In fact, “agape” is the term used in the Bible to describe the unconditional love of God, but when you translate it to English, the word simply becomes “love”, losing the weight that it carries in Greek.

The idea of unconditional and divine love is not unique to Christianity or the Ancient Greeks. Throw a rock in any direction and I’m sure you’ll find a culture with a similar concept to Agape. The key aspects of unconditional love is that it is sexless–meaning attraction is unnecessary to feel Agape–and that it is founded in goodwill for others. It feels cheap to throw the quote “love thine enemy” around in this section, because that discounts the importance of Philautia as we discussed it earlier in this essay, but at the end of the day that’s what Agape means. The Bible–which influences much of the definition of this kind of love–would have people forgive the ones who do them wrong, but forgiveness does not mean forgetting, and loving someone doesn’t require forgiving them either.

In VLD, a man loved a woman so much he tricked his closest friends and allies into opening a rift in an effort to save her life. In the process, they both died and revived, cursed with immortality and a thirst for destruction. Zarkon was a man who loved Honerva so much that he doomed the known universe to 10,000 years of his tyranny. Honerva, when she regained her memories, sought vengeance against Voltron for not just losing her son, but also because she blames everyone around her for being the reason why her own son rejected her time and time again. Honerva is the antithesis to Allura in pretty much every way, and in the edited season 8, Lotor is condemned to a cycle of abuse because he’s never offered an opportunity to speak, just like how he was violently silenced by his mother when he disobeyed his father on the colony planet in “Shadows”. Honerva, however, is not.

[ID: A screenshot of S8, featuring from left to right: Lance, Keith, Allura, “Shiro”, Pidge, and Hunk. They face Honerva, who is facing away from the audience so we see the back of her head and suit. Screenshot from “Seek Truth in Darkness”. End ID.]

[ID: A shot of “Allura”’s hand grasping Honerva’s wrist and vice versa. Screenshot from “Seek Truth in Darkness”. End ID.]

Allura being a paragon of growing into Philautia gives other characters the ability to do the same, but as @leakinghate notes in “Seek Truth in Darkness”, that is not Allura’s hand, just as that is not Shiro next to Allura in the prior screenshot. Allura is not the one who was most wronged by Honerva. She was asleep and hidden from the universe. Lotor, however, was subjected to centuries of abuse by the hands of his parents.

Agape is a complicated love, one that requires a person to be able to love everyone unconditionally, but love does not necessarily mean “forgive and forget”. It’s important that Allura impart the enlightenment she gained on her Heroine’s Journey, because this is the point where she can be at peace and claim her cosmic reward, but she cannot do so without the person who was most wronged being able to face his oppressor: Lotor.

[ID: A close-up shot of Lotor glaring at the audience, with the subtitle text reading, “maybe I will take pity on you when the time comes.” Screenshot from “Seek Truth in Darkness”. End ID.]

As @leakinghate pointed out, Allura is the one to use her abilities to restore Honerva’s sense of self, but Lotor being present makes this confrontation all the more poignant and intense. This is the opportunity for us to see Agape in its full glory, but with the edits to the final season it’s a pale shadow of what could have been. The universe is about to be reborn because Allura and Lotor stay behind to repair the rift in all realities. We need that Philautia that Allura is able to embody, but we also need Agape. We’re shown countless times throughout the show that good and evil are not so clearly delineated, and that there are shades of gray everywhere. Lotor has been hurt so much by the one person alive who should have loved him unconditionally.

And rather than continue the cycle of abuse and take vengeance, he chooses to let go. We should have seen him take his power back, not in a godly or violent sense, but his power over his fate. He is not his father. And he is not his mother. He is more. By confronting her in this rift of all realities, we see the foreshadowing of season 6 come into full swing and while we are missing much of that original sequence between him and his mother, it’s important to realize that regardless of the content that was removed post-production, he takes pity on his mother in a sense. She’s a flawed person who made bad decisions. He does not owe her forgiveness, and he does not owe her love, but in her finally letting go of not just him but all the spirits of the original Paladins, Lotor himself is able to be free to love in the way he was denied: unconditionally.

The universe needs people who love themselves enough to choose a path of peace, and it needs to be made with the unconditional love of a parent, a friend, a lover, a god. It needs the eternal goodwill of its new creators because the people of the new universe will fuck up. They’ll make mistakes and hurt each other and Weblums will eat planets and the circle of life will continue. But being able to look at the fucked-up universe and say “I love you” is a power that not many have. It takes courage to look at the universe that has wronged you, wronged billions, hurt the found family that’s accepted you, and still find a way to love it.

The new universe is made of love just as the old one was. It’s made with passion, for friends, for family, for strangers, and for yourself. It’s made by people with love and hope and the intent to make the world they live in a little better every day. And that, ultimately, is the true love that spurs the story of VLD forward.

Stay tuned for a companion meta soon, in which we will discuss these forms of love and how they can be twisted and taken to unhealthy extremes.

Works Cited

Dos Santos, Joaquim and Montgomery, Lauren. Voltron: Legendary Defender. Netflix.

LeakingHate, et. al. “Legendarily Defensive: Editing the Gay Away in VLD”. Team Purple Lion. 12 Mar 2019. Web. https://www.teampurplelion.com/gay-romance-cut-voltron/

LeakingHate, et. al. “Seek Truth in Darkness”. Team Purple Lion. 2 Mar 2019. Web. https://www.teampurplelion.com/seek-truth-in-darkness/ Liddell, Henry and Scott, Robert. “Eros”. A Greek-English Lexicon. http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.04.0057%3Aentry%3De%29%2Frws

Liddell, Henry and Scott, Robert. “Philia”. A Greek-English Lexicon. http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.04.0057%3Aentry%3Dfili%2Fa

Liddell, Henry and Scott, Robert. “Storge”. A Greek-English Lexicon. http://www.perseus.tufts.edu/hopper/text?doc=Perseus%3Atext%3A1999.04.0057%3Aentry%3Dstorgh%2F

“Self-love”. Merriam-Webster Dictionary. https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/self-love

Payne, Will. “Botany for the Beginner”. Australian Plants Online. 2006. http://anpsa.org.au/APOL2006/aug06-s1.html

Potter, Ben. “The Odyssey: Be Our Guest With Xenia”. Classical Wisdom Weekly. 19 April 2013. Web. https://classicalwisdom.com/culture/literature/the-odyssey-be-our-guest-with-xenia/

@leakinghate @crystal-rebellion @felixazrael @voltronisruiningmylife

#TeamPurpleLion #Team Purple Lion #vld #freevlds8 #voltron

57 notes · View notes

cuppalevi · 4 years

Text

Blue Guitar | Chapter 2: Dinner’s On You

Series Summary: Leone Abbacchio's trying his best to get his shit together for Narancia. But when Narancia ends up inviting him to a concert he's playing for, Leone ends up under the sheets of the popstar, Bruno Buccellati. It turns out dating a popstar has complications. Especially when a certain someone named Diavolo has tricks up his sleeves.

Chapter 2 Summary: Leone Abbacchio arrives at Bruno’s concert, only to be completed fascinated by the singer. He promptly meets the band, and gets flirted by Bruno.

Fandom: Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure

Pairing: Leone Abbacchio x Bruno Buccellati

AO3 Link | Previously | Masterlist

“How are we doing so far tonight? Are we good?” Bruno took the microphone off from the stand it was placed and grasped it within his hand. He walks around the stage, waving a hand towards the crowd before him, a bright smile on his lips. The singer was clad in glittered, iridescent, light blue pants. A sheer white suit with ruffles upfront adorned his torso, showing off the black lace of his undergarment. All the while a shiny, heeled, black Christian Louboutin completed the outfit he wore.

Bruno’s under the spotlights, illuminating his whole figure and showcasing the singer to the audience in front of him. He’s charismatic, in words and in movement. When his band had started playing the first tunes to his opening song had started playing and he was waiting for his moment to come out to the stage, he clutched the handle of his microphone- a sleek white with black teardrops design which he had custom made- soft breaths leaving his lips as the rush of adrenaline had slowly come over him. And when it was his cue, all anxiety just drifted away and sheer euphoria flooded his veins as he started singing in sync with the tune.

The crowd before him cheers, waving their hands wildly. Bruno’s chest feels warm at the overwhelming attention he’s getting. Life on stage was the best part of being a musician. The adrenaline he gets from being upstage, hearing the screams of people, singing his songs as he moved to the beat. It was exhilarating.

Although, the handsome man upfront surely caught his attention.

Narancia seemed more anxious about the concert than Leone had expected. A few hours ago, Narancia was frantic. Running from the kitchen, his bedroom, the living room- pretty much the whole apartment basically- to make sure he did not forget anything. Moody Blues grumpily hissed at Narancia when the cat awoke from her nap due to the teenager’s feet shaking the floors of their apartment as if an earthquake was happening. Leone had to reassure Narancia a thousand times, all the while Moody Blues tried to resume her nap.

Leone did not have high expectations for the concert. He just wanted to watch Narancia rock his guitar. Before Buccellati climbed up the stage, the band first settled in. When Narancia had entered the stage with two other guys, his eyes immediately started to scan the crowd- eagerly wanting to see Leone. The teenager had frantically waved with a massive grin on his face when he had spotted Leone’s silver hair among the crowd.

The adult chuckled at Narancia and waved back at him, a warm feeling filling his chest.

But what he didn’t expect was to see the charming man, Bruno- whom he had met in the grocery shop after his squabble with Giorno, upstage singing in front of him. From the moment Bruno had revealed himself onstage with dancing lights above him, least to say he was stunned to see the view before him. Who knew that Bruno from the grocery store was the Buccellati Narancia was working for? Certainly not Leone.

Leone hadn’t been to many concerts. He’d rather put up his headphones and get lost in the music of Monteverdi. But today, this- wholly, beautiful man that’s got Leone into some sort of trance that’s gotten him lost in nothing but Bruno’s voice- it’s exhilarating. He’s irrevocably captivated. The tone of the singer’s voice sends deep chills down his spine and he’s pulled in to listen for more.

“Before we near the end of today’s show, I wanna give a massive thank you to my incredible, incredible band!” Bruno splayed out a hand and presented the band behind him, multiple spotlights falling on the boys who were bringing life to the instruments they were playing.

A grin is plastered on Bruno’s face as he presented Narancia to the crowd first, “A recent recruit of mine and my wonderful guitarist, Narancia Ghirga!”

The spotlights fell onto Narancia. The teenager waved to the crowd, full of enthusiasm. In return, the audience before him cheered. Leone’s lips twitched into a smile as he looked at Narancia fondly, warmth seeping through his chest. Damn, he’d never felt any prouder than he was before.

Narancia is wearing a black t-shirt which was tucked in grey wide-legged pants and black loafers that had a big, gold ring in front as design. But what really was eye-catching was the glittered light blue bandana he wore on his head. The bandana matched Bruno’s trendy trousers.

Leone looked over to the drummer as Bruno introduced him, “My great and amazing drummer, Guido Mista!”

Guido Mista was sitting behind the array of drums but he stood to his feet and stepped out from his set of drums and bowed with his hand outstretched when Bruno called his name. Mista is dressed in a solid black, cropped turtleneck sweater. A beanie of the same color sat on his head, an arrow pointed downwards on his forehead. However, the turtle-necked collar, the hem of the sleeves, and the color of the arrow of his beanie also happened to be glittered and light blue that also twinned Bruno’s trousers.

“Of course, last but not least. My skilled and marvelous keyboardist, Pannacotta Fugo!”

Pannacotta Fugo had dirty blonde hair that fell behind his back ever so gracefully. His face only showed a twitch of a smile and a gentle wave to the crowd. Leone had to keep a snicker when he saw that Fugo’s black suit was riddled with holes and strawberry earrings dangle freely. He thought that the boy looked ridiculous. And surprisingly, the necktie he adorned matched Bruno’s pants as well.

“Wow, fashionably coordinated, huh.” Leone murmured under his breath.

Bruno walked back in front of the microphone stand and attached the microphone back to its stand before speaking once more. “This is: Adore You.”

The lights dim a little bit, Mista starts thrumming his drums at a pace. Fugo’s fingers start pressing down on the keys and Narancia’s strumming his guitar with the chords of the song. Bruno’s foot starts tapping to the beat, bobbing his head to the sound, eyes shut as he starts singing, “Walk in your rainbow paradise,”

Narancia, Fugo, and Mista sing a back-up of, “Paradise,” and it amazes Leone how their voices mesh together in a perfect melody that accompanied Bruno’s voice so well.

“Blueberry lipstick state of mind,” Bruno’s eyebrows furrow as he sings into the mic.

Then the lyric is followed by the trio harmonizing, “State of mind.”

“I get so lost inside your eyes,” Bruno’s eyes subtly scan the array of people in the area in front of him. It wasn’t that hard to spot the pair of eyes he wanted to see as the owner of those eyes belonged to a man with hair white as snow. “Would you believe it?”

Bruno Buccellati, a kind, and compassionate soul. He was adored by many due to his songs. His overall aura just draws you to him. Bruno lived in the coastal suburbs of Naples with his mother and father. His father worked as a humble fisherman. When his mother had sung him a lullaby instead of the usual bedtime stories, he was instantly enthralled by the way his mother sang. It was then he developed an interest in singing.

“You don’t have to say you love me. You don’t have to say nothing, you don’t have to say you’re mine.”

Even when his parents divorced, his passion for singing never wavered. His father was determined to give Bruno a good education so he started taking tourists on his boats to earn more. Bruno would entertain the tourists by giving them a song number he practiced the day before. Consequently, it earned him a good amount of lire which he put into his savings.

“ Honey, ” Bruno sang, taking the mic off its stand and walking around the stage.

Collectively, the three band members sang, “ Ah, ah, ah, ah, ”

“ I’d walk through fire for you, just let me adore you, ”

Leone used to think that nobody could match the likes of Monteverdi. Just like how no movie could surpass Sling Blade, in his opinion. But watching Bruno sing his heart out in front of him. And the charming smile the singer puts on his face while he gazes to the crowd. Leone thought, maybe Monteverdi won’t be the only artist he’ll be listening to after this.

“ Like it’s the only thing I’ll ever do, ” Bruno finishes the first chorus. He proceeds to walk around the stage, waving to people.

Bruno was found by Polpo who worked for the management, Passione. After being able to save up for his education, Bruno started working a part-time job in a local pub where he would stand in front of tipsy people and sing songs. Coincidentally, Polpo had been looking for a client. He offered Bruno a chance at becoming an artist. It took Bruno a couple of days to consider the man’s offer. He didn’t want to leave his father all alone when he was off chasing his dreams. But his father encouraged him to take it.

“You’d make a proud man,” His father had told him.

So here he was now. Pouring his heart out with every ounce of his being to the songs he had written.

Bruno stops in a particular spot at the stage, which just happened to be right in front of Leone. “ Your wonder under summer skies, ”

“ Summer skies, ” The three band members sing.

“ Fair skin and lemon over ice, ” A twitch overcomes Leone’s lips as he meets Bruno’s eyes.

He feels entranced when Bruno shoots him a subtle wink. Like he can’t seem to take his eyes off of him.

“ Would you believe it? ” Bruno tilts his head in question as if he was asking Leone.

Leone bites back a chuckle, pressing his lips together. He looks around him to see if anyone saw their interaction, but everyone else was lost in Bruno’s singing. Bruno starts his pre-chorus again, but he stays in that particular area of the stage. His body moves to the rhythm of the song, his head is swaying with the melody. The ends of his hair are dancing along with him, whipping against his head back and forth. And his right foot, simultaneously in sync.

“ It’s the only thing I’ll ever do,” Narancia, Fugo, and Mista sing the lyric repeatedly as the song’s bridge. They sing it a number of times as they play their instruments. Bruno’s feet bring him to different parts of the stage as he awaits the finishing lines. But before the bridge finishes, he quickly pulls the microphone stand and drags it toward that spot.

Just as the last chorus began, he swiftly places his microphone back on the stand and opens his mouth. “I'd walk through fire for you, just let me adore you.”

He knows Leone’s eyes are on him, but he doesn’t return the gaze this time. Instead, he shuts his eyes, grasping the thin body of the microphone stand. His other hand stays on the mic. “Oh, honey. I’d walk through fire for you. Just let me adore you.” He continues singing the chorus until it eventually comes to the finishing lyrics.

But for the last lyric of the song, he opens his eyes and it makes contact with Leone’s, “Just let me adore you.” Bruno places a hand on his heart as he sings, then he points. The crowd goes wild at the action- thinking it was meant for them and their proceeding screams are deafening. But Leone knows it was meant for him.

Leone’s pulled by Narancia’s hand through the hallway that led to the lounge where the rest of the band and Bruno retired too when the concert was finished. He was nervous to see Bruno again, especially after the striking stares a pair of blue eyes had given him when the singer was pouring his heart out on the song. Leone felt as though Bruno was indirectly talking to him through the song. Even with a crowd full of people that came to watch and adore Bruno Buccellati, it was like Bruno was playing the song for him.

When Narancia opened the door, Leone first laid eyes on a certain blonde that brought irritation to his veins. He immediately rolled his eyes when the familiarity struck him and the events at the grocery shop came flashing back in his mind.

Giorno snickered when he saw Leone come through the door being pulled by Narancia while he leaned against Mista who was munching on a slice of strawberry cake.

“Guys! Guys! Meet Leone Abbacchio!” Narancia announced, two of his hands splayed to present the tall goth, “My foster dad!”

The tall goth received a wave from Mista and a nod of acknowledgment from Fugo. Giorno greeted Leone with a small smile, “ Buona serata. ”

“Buona serata my ass,” Leone murmured, but he slowly realized what Narancia had called him earlier on. His eyebrows raised in surprise as he turned to look at Narancia, “Foster dad? What have you been telling these people Narancia-” But he wasn’t able to finish what he was saying because before he could process what Narancia called him, his arm was tugged once more.

But this time, it was pulled in the direction of none other than Bruno Buccellati himself.

Oh shit, Leone thought, stammering in unsensible words as he tried to stop Narancia but alas, it was already too late since they neared Bruno who was stood by the food table.

“Buccellati! Buccellati!” Enthusiastically, Narancia beamed at the adult in front of him.

Bruno turned his head when he heard Narancia’s voice, first glancing at the teenager himself before settling to the tall male next to him. Gently, he smirked at Leone. “And to whom do I have the pleasure of meeting, Narancia?”

Narancia giggled with a cute grin, pulling Leone close to him like glue. “Buccellati, meet Leone Abbacchio! He’s the one who’s been taking care of me. Abba, meet Buccellati!”

Leone inhaled sharply, swimming in the pools of blue he’s staring at. Without the sunglasses (And standing directly in front of him), Bruno looked so handsome at this proximity. Leone’s able to see his pretty face and the full of his sweetly curved lips. He feels his cheeks flush red when he sees Bruno’s eyes check over his body almost sensually. Fuck, Leone feels weak at the knees under his intense stare.

“Is that so? It’s a pleasure to meet you, Leone, ” Bruno smiles endearingly, eyes looking back at Leone’s while he holds out his hand. The way his name falls out of Bruno’s lips is smooth. The tone of his voice is soft yet it’s deep and penetrating.

“Pleasure to meet you too, Buccellati,” Leone replied, taking Bruno’s hand in his for a shake.

Bruno’s hand feels soft against his compared to his calloused ones. The warmth of Bruno’s hand engulfs his own, and he is almost reluctant to let go. “Bruno’s just fine, bello,” Bruno’s thumb softly rubs at Leone’s knuckles- Leone’s hand still grasped in his- as he gave another one of his award-winning smiles. Narancia’s oblivious to the overwhelming tension between the two adults.

“Oi Narancia! If you don’t hurry I’ll finish the cake myself!” Mista’s exclaim echoes in the room.

Gasping offendedly, Narancia shrills, “You wouldn’t dare!” He turned his head to look at the cake which earlier was whole but was now reduced to two slices.

“Oh, I would!” Mista threateningly taunts Narancia.

“You guys get acquainted! I’m gonna get the cake before Mista eats all of it,” The teen says to the two adults who finally let go of each other’s hands when they heard Mista shout. Before the two could say another word, Narancia is shuffling over the food table to grab a plate and a fork before quickly heading to grab a slice of the cake.

“Did you enjoy the show?” Bruno asks Leone, turning to face the food table. He resumes filling up his plate with a slice of prosciutto.

Leone nods his head, picking at his lacquered nails. “It was good, yeah. You were uh- great up there.”

For a moment, Bruno’s head spins to look at Leone and gives him a smirk, “I’m glad you liked it, bello. You should take a seat.” He nudges the legs of the stool beside him with the toe of his foot.

Politely, Leone takes a seat at the stool. He brushes back a strand of hair behind his ear when it falls to the front of his face as he sits down.

"So you’re Narancia’s guardian?”

Leone hums, “Not legally. The kid ran away from home and all. I just gave him a place to stay.”

“Not foster dad then?” An amused smile overcomes Bruno’s lips.

Chuckling Leone answered, “Nope. Not foster dad.”

Bruno leans against the food table with his back away from the array of food and moves beside Leone. He holds a plate of prosciutto in front of him. “Tell me about yourself, Leone.” Bruno takes a forkful of the food in his mouth as he awaits Leone’s reply.

Leone scratches the back of his neck, “There’s not much to tell and besides, I just met you.” He raised a brow pointedly to which Bruno replies with a chuckle.

“Buon punto, Leone. Surely you remember our encounter in the grocery store? You know, orange thief?”

Leone inwardly groans, rolling his eyes as he remembers an annoying blonde brat. “Hardly makes me a thief. You gave them to me at the end, though. Remember?”

When he came home from the grocery shop, he refused to tell Narancia what had gone down to save himself from the teen’s endless bickering. Ugh, the things I do for you, Leone thought as he handed Narancia the pack of oranges hours before. He was rewarded by repetitious thank yous from the teenager.

Bruno nodded, “Sì, you were quite adamant about getting them for your kid and all.” He flicks his eyes to Narancia.

“Okay, okay. Let’s just- forget about the oranges.” The long-haired man sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose.

Another hearty chuckle escapes through Bruno’s mouth. “Don’t fret, Leone. I was only teasing. Anyway, have you formally met the others?”

“Not really. All I know is the brat who claimed that I stole the oranges.” Leone huffs, crossing his arms stubbornly.

“That brat is my publicist,” Bruno answers, finishing his plate of prosciutto. “Giorno’s pretty strict and he can be dogmatic at times. But it’s what makes him a good publicist. I apologize on his behalf.”

Leone shakes his head, “It’s fine. It’s over now anyway.”

Humming, Bruno asked, “Say, Leone, are you busy tonight?”

Shaking his head, Leone answered, “Have lots of free time, why do you ask?”

“Hmm… I have a reservation for Ristorante Don Alfonso 1890 to try out their food. Giorno insists I go and have dinner with a friend for the experience because apparently he and Mista had a date there. He said the food was great.” Bruno poured two glasses with iced tea, offering one to Leone.

Graciously, Leone accepts the glass. “You’re… you want me to go with you?”

“I was going to bring mio padre but he told me he was exhausted from working and he rather I’d bring a friend instead,” Bruno explained.

Leone purses his lips in thought. Staring at the iced tea before him. Bruno Buccellati was inviting him to dinner. “Are- are you asking me out?”

Bruno looks at Leone and hums. He shrugs his shoulders, “Maybe. Maybe not.”

It baffles him that someone like Bruno Buccellati would want to invite him to dinner. Bruno could have anyone he wants but instead, he’s asking Leone out for dinner. Leone wasn’t really a romantic person. He’s reserved and closed off, built up walls. Unlike Bruno’s charming and outgoing personality- which people admire- He’s the complete opposite of Bruno.

Bruno’s had his fair share of lovers. Ranging from men and women. But they were all flings. The only long-term relationship he had didn’t last because the press was being invasive with their relationship. Consequently, that led to a break-up. He coped with the aftermath through songwriting and thus, his new album was born.

“As long as there’s good wine, I’m in.” Said Leone. He agrees because he does want to go. He wants to get to know Bruno. Not Bruno Buccellati the pop star, but just simply Bruno. Even without admitting it to himself, he already likes where this is going.

Bruno smiles, “Di molto bene! Wear something nice, bello. I’d very much like to adore you.”

Leone blushes, he opens his mouth to reply however a sudden thud, crack of an object and a shout interrupts them.

“You shit for brains!”

A distorted, out of tune note erupts from the keyboard due to the clenched fist that belonged to Fugo pounded on the instrument. Bruno and Leone’s eyes widen and survey the scene.

Narancia and Mista lay on the floor groaning, the coffee table that used to be in front of the couch was now in broken pieces scattered around and under the two bodies. Giorno’s face is full of shock as he tries to process what the fuck just happened.

Bruno’s sudden snap makes the room go silent, “WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOING?!”

< To Be Continued I \ I |

#march's fics #JoJo's Bizarre Adventure #Golden Wind #Bruabba #Leone Abbacchio #Bruno Buccellati #Giorno Giovanna #Guido Mista #Narancia Ghirga #Pannacotta Fugo #jjba #Vento Aureo #fanfic #jojo golden wind

4 notes · View notes

lokilickedme · 5 years

Text

Part 3 of Read By Loki Laufeyson - Fifty Shades of Grey

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own (no longer available there)

Rating: Mature

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply

Category: F/M

Fandom: Loki - Fandom, Loki (Marvel) - Fandom, The Avengers (MarvelMovies), Tom Hiddleston - Fandom

Relationship: Loki/His Book, Ana/Christian

Character: Loki, Loki Laufeyson, Loki (Marvel), Ana Steele, Christian Grey

Additional Tags: Explicit Language, this book deserves its own warning tag, one that says DON'T READ ME, Explicit Sexual Content, lame and exceedingly silly descriptions of sex acts

Series: Part 3 of Read by Loki Laufeyson

Stats: Originally Published 2016-02-27 Words: 3386 (original version)

Part One: The Night Manager

Part Two: High Rise

50 Shades of Grey, Read By Loki Laufeyson by lokilickedme

Summary: Loki reads 50 Shades and throws up multiple times. I would offer my apologies to E.L. James, but she doesn't deserve it.

Notes: See the end of the work for notes

This shitshow gets on the shaky road with a dedication that made the right side of my face twitch before the story even got started. It's dedicated to "the master of my universe" and as of right this very moment I'm ready to preemptively toss it into the bathroom, not as reading material for my next luxury soak, but as a replacement for the empty roll of toilet paper that I keep forgetting to run to the store for. Fuck me people, she didn't even capitalize "master" and ANY GOOD SUB KNOWS THAT NOT CAPITALIZING MASTER IS A MASSIVE SHOW OF DISRESPECT AND YOU DESERVE THE ASS BEATING YOU GET FOR IT - WITH ZERO AFTERCARE. Don't ask me how I know that, but go ahead and fight me, this is a hill I’m willing to die on. If this person is writing a book that's touted as an even remotely accurate accounting of a Dom/sub relationship, I can tell you right now, she doesn't know jack shit.

So I've read a couple of pages and I'm already looking around for my seizure meds when I realize I don't take seizure meds. I will after this, I might as well go ahead and call it in. I'm to the part about Wanda the Volkswagon when my anticipatory boner not only goes away, but retracts so far up into my scrotum as a result of the most horrendous writing I've seen this side of Thor's second grade book report on Anne of Green Gables that I'm thinking I might just be female now. I mean seriously? This hurts. I’m not even exaggerating, if you have a penis it’s going to draw up into your gall bladder. If you have a vulva it’s going to need a vat of Burt’s Bees Extra Moisture Replenishing Salve and a bottle of cranberry capsules. I’m not even female at the moment and this thing gave me a flaming UTI.

I’m not sure Wanda, my old VW Beetle, would make the journey in time. Oh, the Merc is a fun drive, and the miles slip away as I floor the pedal to the metal.

People, this is a published book. Someone got paid for this. It got made into a movie. I haven't even gotten to the sex yet and I'm already Google mapping monasteries within a one-hundred mile radius because I'm ready to take my vows. No, this book hasn't made me believe in a higher power. It has taken away my will to ever get laid again.

The elevator whisks me with terminal velocity to the twentieth floor.

Holy fucking shitballs people, terminal velocity by its very definition means someone is going to die. Is this person wearing a pressurized speed suit? Do they hand them to you at the door before you go into the elevator? How does the building tolerate the mechanics of generating that kind of speed? And if by some random blessing by some random god who won't be getting any thanks from me she actually survived this trip to the twentieth floor, her brains would be leaking out her asshole. That's not the way to make a good first impression, sweetheart. Take the fucking stairs next time.

It’s a stunning vista, and I’m momentarily paralyzed by the view. Wow.

Yes, wow. Paralysis is rarely ever momentary darling, and it does ugly things to pretty girls. Like, rendering you a jelly-like heap on the floor because your muscles don't continue working while you're paralyzed. Paralysis sort of means your muscles have stopped working.

I've begun highlighting every word I come across that the author obviously doesn't know the definition to. Fake it till you make it, right darling? Five pages in and my yellow pen has died a violent death.

I push open the door and stumble through, tripping over my own feet, and falling head first into the office. Double crap – me and my two left feet!

YOU.

HAVE.

GOT.

TO.

BE.

FUCKING.

KIDDING.

ME.

In what universe is this ridiculous cutesy sort of shit thought to be amusing? The cliches are giving me hemorrhoids. Me and my two left feet? Not that I'm an expert on Earth terminology and phrasing, but I'm fairly certain people stopped saying shit like that around 1962. And...I can't believe I'm being forced to say this, but - double crap?? I was already calling my brother a bilgesnipe’s vagina by the time I could crawl, I'm pretty sure the last time I said something as immature and amateurishly silly as double crap I was still in the womb and cursing in Morse Code. I may actually have even still been a sperm in my father's left testicle. How old is this writer?

“Um. Actually–” I mutter. If this guy is over thirty then I’m a monkey’s uncle. In a daze, I place my hand in his and we shake. As our fingers touch, I feel an odd exhilarating shiver run through me. I withdraw my hand hastily, embarrassed. Must be static. I blink rapidly, my eyelids matching my heart rate.

I'm sorry but I really don't even know where to start. The Um. Actually- ? Or the I'm a monkey's uncle? Maybe it's the staccato pacing? The elementary school sentence structure? The fact that all but one sentence of that paragraph has the word I in it, sometimes multiple times? She placed her hand in his and they shook - sort of like I'm shaking right now. It's the seizures this damn travesty has provoked, honestly I should sue the author for my prescription costs. And if that girl's eyelids matched her heart rate then I'm just envisioning one of those blinky-eyed cupie dolls strapped to a paint mixing machine.

“I own my company. I don’t have to answer to a board.” He raises an eyebrow at me. I flush.

Yes darling, always do a courtesy flush when the stench is really vomit-inducing. Like now. I'm not even going to ask if this conversation is taking place in a bathroom because I can tell you honestly, the bathroom is right where it belongs.

His voice is warm and husky like dark melted chocolate fudge caramel...or something.

Something...like, maybe shit, perhaps?

I shake my head to gather my wits. My heart is pounding a frantic tattoo -

No darling, trust me, it's not. A tattoo is something you draw on your body, there's no pounding involved unless you've done the drawing on your vagina. And if you’re referring to the drum beat, then you should just say so because frankly this is meant to be a sex book and your readers aren’t going to be interested in Googling your sophomoric attempts at using interesting words. And just as an aside, most humans are going to think of a Scottish marching band when you use that word in that context, and the last thing you want your readers thinking about while you’re sliding into a smut scene is men in plaid skirts blowing bagpipes.

I am utterly thrown by the sight of him standing before me. My memories of him did not do him justice. He’s not merely good-looking – he’s the epitome of male beauty, breathtaking -

Hold on a second, I wasn't aware I was in this book? I must have been drunk. I'm not sure that I would consent to this idiocy even if I was soused off my gourd, so I think I'm going to be filing a second lawsuit for character theft.

- and he’s here. Here in Clayton’s Hardware Store. Go figure.

Yes, go figure sweetiepie. Everybody, even handsome people, need replacement U-joints for their toilets. They come in handy when you're trying to flush books.

Finally my cognitive functions are restored and reconnected with the rest of my body.

Honey, cognitive functions aren't a part of your body, they're a part of your brain. So unless your head fell off while you were walking around in Clayton's Hardware Store, I doubt this happened. If it did, my condolences to Mr Clayton and the other shoppers, I know how traumatic that can be.

And from a very tiny, underused part of my brain –

You mean the whole thing?

- probably located at the base of my medulla oblongata where my subconscious dwells – comes the thought: He’s here to see you.

I just had another seizure. It’s a sex book darling, stop trying to use seventy-five cent Merriam Webster words and settle for something along the lines of My fucking head exploded - trust me, at this point your readers will relate to that far more than to the concept of subconscious thought. Or any thought at all. And we all know it’s highly unlikely Miss Double Crap Wanda-driving headless-in-Clayton’s-Hardware store is capable of coming up with a term like medulla oblongata after that terminal velocity elevator ride.

No way! I dismiss it immediately. Why would this beautiful, powerful, urbane man want to see me? The idea is preposterous, and I kick it out of my head.

And now your head is completely empty, much like the author's, because that poorly constructed series of sentences was all that was rattling around in there.

For the sake of moving this along, because I have something to say about literally every fucking sentence in this roll of rough-ass toilet paper, I'm going to skip to the first round of sex and see if anything improves. Because that's what people do when things aren't going well, isn't it? They have sex and see if it gets better? And then if it doesn't, you kick them out and finish up with a fresh pack of batteries and a few minutes of Skinamax and when you wake up in the morning it'll be a whole new day, sunshine. Because honestly, I just got to the part where her cheeks went the color of the Communist Manifesto and if I don't get to some penis and vagina action I'm going to kill myself. Besides that, all this double crap inner monologue is starting to make my ballsack clench up.

So alright people, I've got my lube and my right hand ready, let's get this party started shall we?

"Does this mean you’re going to make love to me tonight, Christian?” Holy shit. Did I just say that?

Well it certainly wasn't me. Having medulla oblongata issues again, are we sweetheart?

His mouth drops open slightly, but he recovers quickly. “No, Anastasia it doesn’t. Firstly, I don’t make love. I fuck... hard."

Finally, someone steps up. Is that the sound of zippers headed south I hear?

"Secondly, there’s a lot more paperwork to do, and thirdly, you don’t yet know what you’re in for. You could still run for the hills. Come, I want to show you my playroom.”

Nope, my mistake. Zippers firmly holding north. How far is this fellow going to count? Do people actually do that cheesy little “Firstly, secondly” speech tic all the way up to thirdly? I usually only get to secondly before someone pops me in the mouth. Somehow I have no trouble envisioning this obviously anal retentive Christian fellow proceeding right along to fourthly, fifthly, sixthly, seventhly...perhaps he has a numbers fetish to go along with that paperwork obsession of his. If this is foreplay I'm leaving because math was never my strong point and I’ll be damned if I’m going to relive the hell of ninth grade just to get a two page smut scene. If you want to have sex with me we get to firstly, I point to my zipper, and the game is on. But he does get points for being forthright enough to come right out up front with the admission that he's such a rough fucker there have to be contracts involved. Kudos my man. Too bad he wrecked it by planting that playroom visual immediately after, because now all I can think about is a toybox full of Legos and a plastic xylophone. Even I can't make anything kinky out of that.

My mouth drops open. Fuck hard! Holy shit, that sounds so... hot. But why are we looking at a playroom? I am mystified. “You want to play on your Xbox?”

Yes darling, Fuck hard! It sounds like a Bruce Willis movie, only this time he's not in an office building crawling through the ceiling or on an airplane fighting off terrorists, he's tied to a bed while Bonnie Bedelia drips hot wax on his scrotes. It's a real shame we lost Alan Rickman, I'd give anything to see Hans Gruber standing at the foot of the bed in a leather corset intoning Yippee ki-yay, motherfucker just one more time.

As for playing on his Xbox, the Sims have a "whoo hoo" function. That's all I'm going to say about that.

- it feels like I’ve time-traveled back to the sixteenth century and the Spanish Inquisition. Holy fuck.

Ah yes, the good old days of the Inquisition. I had quite a wonderful time during that era, it was a sado-masochistic wet dream. And no, I wasn't an Inquisitor...I worked as a volunteer equipment tester for the Vatican. There wasn't a steel spiked ball cage or 360-degree nipple twister that earned my seal of approval until I screamed for my mommy. Something tells me this pansy-ass little ninny isn't going to make it past the electroshock vulva clamps before she's crying for every matriarchal figure in her family all the way back to the Charlemagne era.

“It’s about gaining your trust and your respect, so you’ll let me exert my will over you. I will gain a great deal of pleasure, joy even, in your submission. The more you submit, the greater my joy – it’s a very simple equation.” “Okay, and what do I get out of this?” He shrugs and looks almost apologetic. “Me,” he says simply.

Um...no. Just no. Unequivocally NO. That isn't how it works, E.L. James. Not in the slightest. In a true Dom/sub relationship the submissive receives every bit as much as the Dominant, and there is no two ways around that. Anything less is bullshit and whoever you're trying to force-feed this lie to should leave running and punch you in the crotch on the way out. I sincerely hope anyone reading this nonsense is doing so on a dare and not because they want to learn about D/s dynamics, because you're obviously not going to learn anything from this book except how to be a lip-biting ningnong who doesn't do much more than chat merrily with herself inside her medulla oblongata while mentally spouting double crap! on repeat every thirty-seven seconds. And any respect I had for this Grey fellow for being up front about his sexual preferences just went out the window, which coincidentally is where the lip-biting ningnong should be headed. Like he said - you could still run for the hills.

Skipping ahead...skipping ahead...my god are these idiots ever going to do it? I'm on page 194 and so far the closest they've come to coitus is when he almost ejaculated in his pants in an apoplectic rage when she told him she was a virgin.

“Ah,” I groan.

Ack, I puke.

“You smell so good,” he murmurs and closes his eyes, a look of pure pleasure on his face, and I practically convulse. He reaches up and tugs the duvet off the bed, then pushes me gently so I fall on to the mattress.

I'm practically convulsing too darling, but unfortunately not with pleasure. I need more anti-seizure meds, I've already gone through the entire bottle. I'll be starting on the Xanax next and then it’s another call to my HMO.

I’m panting... wanting.

I'm vomiting...heaving.

Not taking his eyes off mine, again he runs his tongue along my instep and then his teeth. Shit. I groan... how can I feel this, there?

Hold up a second - this is a man who is so persnickety he pulls the duvet off the bed before he lets her set her ass on it, but now less than a page later he's just removed her sneaker and is licking the bottom of her sweaty all-day Converse encased foot? My capacity for suspension of disbelief is not only wavering at this point, it’s pretty much died a slow and painful death. Which is what I feel like I’m doing. And if a man is holding eye contact while licking the bottom of your foot, he’s either upside down or your leg is so high up in the air he could be looking up your hooch and seeing himself through your left nostril.

“How do you make yourself come? I want to see.” I shake my head. “I don’t,” I mumble.

I call bullshit. She’s twenty-one, a virgin, and has never diddled herself? That’s about as likely as me never having had intercourse with a horse.

“Let go, baby,” he murmurs. His teeth close around my nipple, and his thumb and finger pull hard, and I fall apart in his hands, my body convulsing and shattering into a thousand pieces.

Huh. And here all this time I’ve been laboring under the delusion that more was required than just two short paragraphs worth of nipple play. This girl is a physical wonder, her nipples are clitorises. Clitori? Clitterati? However you say multiple clits. I know playing with them feels nice and I’ve made more than one maiden squirm with a few well placed sucks and a pinch or two, but this girl was climaxing before he even got her out of her brassiere. Someone get her a job at the Kinsey Institute.

Suddenly, he sits up and tugs my panties off and throws them on the floor.

I hope they didn’t land on the duvet, he went to such trouble to keep it from getting mussed.

Pulling off his boxer briefs, his erection springs free. Holy cow...

Rather like a jack-in-the-box, I’m envisioning. Holy cow indeed. Twist the handle and Pop Goes The Weasel plays while you wait in panicked anticipation for that horrid little clown to burst out of the hinged metal box and scare the shit out of you. Well, he did say playroom, didn’t he. Oh, and boxers and briefs are two entirely different things, my dear. The further we get into this silly little tale the more convincing my sneaking suspicion that the author has never actually met a man before.

“I’m going to fuck you now, Miss Steele” he murmurs as he positions the head of his erection at the entrance of my sex.

I’m sorry, I know I’m an adult and all but I’m giggling like a sixth grade girl that wandered into the wrong locker room at school. And for the record, I know exactly what that sounds like because I’ve done it. But this...this is just...holy fucking hell with twice the fire and ten times the brimstone, that sentence up there just chemically castrated me. The head of his erection at the entrance of her sex. I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume it means he put his cock on her pussy and we’ll call it fair and move along.

“Hard, he whispers, and he slams into me. “Aargh!” I cry -

To quote Miss Steele, holy fuck! His dick is so big it’s turned her into a pirate!

He speeds up. I moan, and he pounds on, picking up speed, merciless, a relentless rhythm, and I keep up, meeting his thrusts.

Is anyone else envisioning these two jogging through the park playing bongos? Just me? Okay. Oh and for future reference, because I assume this world isn’t lucky enough to escape at least three sequels to this travesty, no sentence should have as many commas as it has words unless the person speaking it is being punched in the mouth between each syllable.

Two orgasms...coming apart at the seams, like the spin cycle on a washing machine, wow.

Darling if the spin cycle on my washing machine made anything come apart at the seams I’d be at Home Depot demanding they make good on the warranty. Which, something tells me, you should be doing with this new man of yours.

He increases the rhythm infinitesimally, and his breathing becomes more erratic. My insides start quickening, and Christian picks up the rhythm.

I looked up infinitesimally, mainly because I’ve never actually seen it in print before and it’s such a strange looking word. I laughed so hard my Xanax came out my nose when Google offered up this definition: immeasurably small, exceedingly little, less than an assignable quantity. To give it a meaning, it must usually be compared to another infinitesimal object in the same context. Mr Grey, I do believe your tight coochied little virgin just called your dick tiny.

“You. Are. Mine. Come for me, baby,” he growls. His words are my undoing, tipping me over the precipice. My body convulses around him, the precipice. My body convulses around him, and I come, loudly calling out a garbled version of his name into the mattress.

Well damn, I have to say I’m impressed, both with the uncanny power this fellow’s voice has to make orgasms happen from out of thin air, as well as this girl’s ability to climax on demand after never having done so in her entire life previous to this encounter. That’s three times now she’s “shattered into a million pieces” all over the fucking bed - thank god he had the presence of mind to toss the duvet on the floor, because those stains would never come out. He’d probably be getting a visit from the local police as soon as Mrs Fratelli at the dry cleaners got a good look at it. And I don’t know about anyone else but I really want to hear this “garbled version” of his name that she called out into the mattress. No, really. I want to hear it because I’m imagining something like what went down in the Caves of Caerbannog when the Knights were debating the pronunciation of the last word written on the wall. Does that make Ana’s orgasms the sexual equivalent of the Black Beast of Argh?

I’ll wait for you to hit Google on that one. Go ahead, I’ll wait. I’ve got all the time in the world. I still have six hours of studio time booked and this travesty of a novel is now residing in stall #2 in the mens room and I’m sitting here playing with the roll of toilet paper I stole. It was a worthwhile trade. The word Charmin printed four million times on these little squares in infinitely more intellectually stimulating than that undigested goat’s dinner we were reading.

Fifty shades of TP’ing E.L. James’s house, anyone?

End Notes: All passages in italics are the property of E.L. James, and as far as I’m concerned she can keep them.

#Loki Reads #50 Shades of Grey

141 notes · View notes

onestowatch · 5 years

Text

13 Music Podcasts You Should Be Listening to Right Now

In case you haven’t quite got the memo, Spotify is for a lot more than streaming Billie Eilish and a playlist made up of lo-fi chill beats on repeat. The past few years have witnessed a veritable boom of podcasts, from both self-made creators and massive media outlets, covering a whole spectrum of topics and niche interests. As someone who has listened to over 70 hours of “The Adventure Zone,” a Dungeons & Dragons podcast hosted by three brothers and their dad, in spite of never having once thought of actually playing a game of D&D, it is safe to say this is no passing fad.

Podcasts exist as an inside look into a host of worlds you never once considered exploring, and this goes equally true for music podcasts. From in-depth examinations of your favorite artists and their works to dramatized true crime–style narratives of legendary artists, these are the music podcasts you need to be listening to right now.

Also, if you needed even more music podcasts in your life, did you know Ones To Watch has its own battle-style podcast where four tracks enter the ring and only one leaves victorious?

Switched on Pop

There is no escaping pop music, so you may as well enjoy, examine, and eventually begin to understand why exactly it is so popular. At least, that’s the ethos behind musicologist Nate Sloan and songwriter Charlie Harding’s phenomenal podcast. Each episode sees the duo breaking down pop songs to posit the question of what makes a song like “bad guy” or “Old Town Road” a hit, and what is their cultural significance in the music landscape at large? Balancing lighthearted humor with critical analysis, Switched On Pop is a podcast that will have you loving music you never knew you liked in the first place.

Where to Start: “Billie Eilish is a Different Kind of Pop Star (ft. FINNEAS)”

Dissect

Dissect is a music nerd’s dream podcast. Hosted by Cole Cuchna, the hit podcast series is rare in that rather than jumping from topic to topic with each episode, each season of “Dissect” holds a magnifying glass to one prolific work of one seminal artist. From the mythos of Frank Ocean, Kendrick Lamar’s To Pimp a Butterfly, Kanye West’s My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, Ms. Lauryn Hill’s The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill, to Tyler, The Creator grappling with his sexuality on Flower Boy, there is no shortage of reasons of why you need to be listening to Dissect.

Where to Start: “S4E14 - Epilogue: IGOR”

Song Exploder

Song Exploder may just be the best interview series in existence, largely due to the podcast functioning as less of a traditional interview series and more as a vivid recollection of artist’s most heartfelt work. The podcast series features musicians from all walks of life, from Fleetwood Mac’s Lindsey Buckingham to Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon, taking apart a single one of their songs piece by piece. It is akin to your grandparents recounting one of their fondest memories to you, if your grandparents just so happened to be world-renowned artists.

Where to Start: “Maggie Rogers - Alaska”

Disgraceland

In the wake of the massive popularity of True Crime podcasts like “Serial,” Disgraceland marries all there is to love about rock star worship and a culture’s obsession with the seedier aspects of the human condition. Blending music history, true crime, and transgressive fiction, Disgraceland is a dramatized retelling of some of music’s most enthralling criminal stories. Imagine the already engrossing stories of Tupac Shakur and The Notorious B.I.G. or Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love, albeit told through an exhilarating and entertaining modern-noir lens.

Where to Start: “Amy Winehouse: Rehab, the Muse and a Rare Talent”

And The Writer Is…with Ross Golan

Have you ever wondered who is the person behind some of your favorite songs? Then And The Writer Is… is the podcast for you. Each episode takes you behind the closed doors of the music and into the songwriting room with some of the greatest songwriters and creatives of our generation. If you love anything by any of today’s biggest artists, then chances are they have probably appeared on an episode of And The Writer Is… to provide an inside glimpse into their creative process.

Where to Start: “EP 54: Ben Gibbard (Death Cab For Cutie)”

Questlove Supreme

You shouldn’t be listening to Questlove Supreme just because its host is none other than the infamous Questlove (although that would honestly be more than enough reason for us). For starters, Questlove Supreme arguably features some of the best guests out of any other podcast out there. Ever wanted to hear John Oliver talk about his transition from The Daily Show to shaping people’s political opinions regularly? Or ever wondered about Michelle Obama’s first musical memories? Then, good news, because Questlove Supreme has all you could ever need and so much more.

Where to Start: “Ep. 113 feat. Michelle Obama”

Twenty Thousand Hertz

Twenty Thousand Hertz is likely the most prominent outlier on this list. That is not to say this is not a podcast of note, equally as deserving of your precious listening hours; Twenty Thousand Hertz simply does not address music or artists in the traditional sense. Rather, this is an examination of the sounds, the sonic textures, and the crucial building blocks that have allowed artists to create works that truly move people. Twenty Thousand Hertz is not just for music lovers, but for those who appreciate the perfectly intangible idea of sound as a simultaneously human-constructed and natural concept.

Where to Start: “#72 | 808”

Punch Up The Jam

Punch Up The Jam is a comedy and music podcast. How does that work exactly? Well, comedians and best friends Miel Bredouw and Demi Adejuyigbe invite one of their equally hilarious friends to attempt to fix a popular song, despite having absolutely no qualifications so to speak of. Laughs are had, chaos ensues, and more laughs are had as Punch Up The Jam begs the question: do you need to know anything about music to improve a hit song?

Where to Start: 77 - “Kiss From a Rose (w/ Travis McElroy)”

All Songs Considered

It would be impossible to create a definitive list of music podcasts without mentioning NPR's All Songs Considered. The nearly 20-year-old series has grown with the times, evolving from a lauded radio show to an award-receiving podcast. The generation-spanning medium for music discovery is hosted by Bob Boilen and Robin Hilton, and often features a range of guests that makes this already much-celebrated podcast into essential listening material.

Where to Start: “All Songs Rewind: The Worst Songs Of All Time?”

Hit Parade

For Hit Parade, the phrase “it’s a smash” is more than just A&R short-hand for any passing song they hear in mid-production; it is the genesis of music history. Produced by Slate, pop chart analyst Chris Molanphy seeks to uncover what exactly it was that made a song a number one smash. More than just a terribly informative music podcast, Hit Parade changes up its formula through bouts of trivia, music snippets, and enthralling storytelling.

Where to Start: “The Oh. My. God. Becky Edition”

Popcast

The best way to understand the very notion and ever-changing minutia of popular music is Popcast. Hosted by New York Times pop critic Jon Caramanica, Popcast homes in on not just what is trending on the Billboard charts but what is trending, period. From Taylor Swift and Scooter Braun’s ongoing civil war, the perplexing economics of the streaming era, to how memes can create bonafide artists, Popcast is what you need to be listening to in order to sound erudite at your next dinner party, even if you find yourself in spirited discourse over Lil Nas X.

Where to Start: “How Many Streams Is a T-Shirt Worth? Breaking Down Chart Dilemmas.”

Ongoing History of New Music

This next podcast is dedicated to all our lovely Canadian readers, or really anyone who is looking for an enlightening deep dive into music’s most notable artists and movements. Hosted by legendary Canadian radio broadcaster and music journalist Alan Cross, Ongoing History of New Music is Canada’s most well-known music documentary series. Featuring artists profile from the likes of Radiohead to Twenty One Pilots, narrative journeys of everything from Christian Rock to Britpop, and even the etymology behind some of music’s most elusive terminology, Ongoing History of New Music is a musical history wellspring.

Where to Start: “Stories Behind Songs”

The Great Albums

The Great Albums is a podcast series wholly true to its name. In unexpected yet utterly delightful fashion, co-hosts Bill Lambusta and Brian Erickson delve into some of pop, rock, and beyond’s greatest moments and musical accomplishments. More than just a track by track review of a seminal work from the likes of Jay-Z, Joni Mitchell, and Sufjan Stevens, The Great Albums is an examination of the notion of fandom and how that love affair is expressed through the lens of the prolific album.

Where to Start: “Radiohead - OK Computer”

#switched on pop #dissect #song exploder #disgraceland #and the writer is #questlove supreme #twenty thousand hertz #punch up the jam #all songs considered #hit parade #popcast #ongoing history of new music #the great albums #podcast #music podcast

3 notes · View notes

snarktheater · 6 years

Text

Ready Player One — Level Three (Chapters 32-33)

After our brief foray into a heist story that tied itself up really neatly and really fast, Wade now has a bunch of stolen data and a foolproof plan to…get past IOI’s defense on Castle Anorak and get to the Third Gate.

Because, you know. Real-life mortal danger is just not interesting enough stakes for the book. We gotta go back to the video game contest. That’s what matters.

We left Wade when he was setting up a meeting with the other three main characters of this book, and he explains to them everything that happened to him since he went dark. And by “explains” I mean of course he makes himself sound much better than he was.

“How does a lowly indent get access to secret Sixer dossier files and company memos?” I turned to face her. “Indents have limited access to the company intranet via their hab-unit entertainment system, from behind the IOI firewall. From there, I was able to use a series of back doors and system exploits left by the original programmers to tunnel through the network and hack directly into the Sixers' private database.” Shoto looked at me in awe. “You did that? All by yourself?” “That is correct, sir.”

You know, all by himself, with information he bought and doing nothing but follow instructions. Same difference, I assume.

But that’s apparently enough for the others. They thank him for the warnings, although Artemis is also angry that he read her file—as she should be, since that information was really private and also it did not help one bit. Wade does not experience a shred of regret, though.

So, what is the plan, you ask? Well, keep asking, because instead of telling them, Wade just moves on to taking it for granted that they will make it past the Sixers and straight to how to open the Third Gate. By which I mean the gate is inscribed with a reference to Schoolhouse Rock! that the Sixers missed and our protagonist immediately catch because they’re oh-so-awesome. Since “showing the puzzle and immediately giving the solution” has been the book’s modus operandi from the start…I guess at least this time it didn’t rely on a random epiphany and the characters really showed off that they knew their stuff.

I will draw attention to this, from Wade’s recap of what IOI has tried:

“They try every asinine thing you can imagine,” I said. […] “Then they get hung up on reciting First Corinthians 13:13, a Bible verse that contains the words ‘charity, hope, and faith.’ Apparently, ‘charity, hope, and faith’ are also the names of three martyred Catholic saints. The Sixers have been trying to attach some significance to that for the past few days.” “Morons,” Aech said. “Halliday was an atheist.”

Which is kind of baffling to me. I mean…what, atheists can’t use religious symbology ever? Especially Christian symbolism, like…Halliday was probably bathed in it his whole life.

With that said…this mostly makes IOI look like idiots. Which I think is the point?

“Dilettantes,” Art3mis said. “It’s their own fault for not knowing all the Schoolhouse Rock! lyrics by heart.”

Sadly, it also makes them very ineffectual as villains. Do you realize how simple it’d be to do a word search across all the lyrics, books and scripts for things featured in the Almanac? At least for a company with the means that IOI has at its disposal?

Well anyway. The song reveals that there needs to be three people to open the Third Gate, which had already been hinted at by the clue Wade found while searching for the key. This also means that, once they open the gate, they’ll have to race to get to the egg first. Because I’m so stressed about which of these assholes win the egg. I mean we don’t even know Aech and Shoto’s goals and I still don’t want them to win.

Of course, there is one missing step in this plan. Wade obviously figured out a way to disable the Sixers' shield during his time at IOI, and they now know how to open the Third Gate, but they still have to actually get from point A to point B through the Sixer forces. What’s Wade’s solution for that? Just contact every gunter in the OASIS and ask them to play meat shield.

“And you really think everyone will just show up and help us fight the Sixers?” [Artemis] said. “Just for the hell of it?” “Yes,” I said. “I do.” Aech nodded. “He’s right. No one wants the Sixers to win the contest. And they definitely don’t want IOI to take control of the OASIS.”

“No one”? Really? I find that dubious. Or rather, I find it dubious that they’d willingly kill their OASIS character on the off-chance it might make the Sixers lose…but make these complete strangers win instead. Complete strangers who, in the case of Artemis and Wade at least, decided to use their new position of fame and fortune by…remaining anonymous, making no actual stand against the Sixers, and holing themselves up in a stronghold and refusing to even talk to people.

But of course, we’re just supposed to accept that the people will like them more, for…some reason. And really, wouldn’t it be great if, say, Aech was actually Sorrento playing both sides? (He’s not. But it’d be a hell of a twist compared to what the twist around Aech’s identity actually is.)

This plan also means IOI will know exactly when they’ll strike, which will put them on high alert. And they need three people with the Crystal Key to make it through, lest you forgot.

“So we should all try extremely hard not to get killed.”

A master strategist you are not, Wade Watts. As usual, the only character with a shred of humanity is Artemis.

“So I hope you’re right about being able to shut [the shield] down.” “Don’t worry.” “Why would I be worried?” Art3mis snapped. “Maybe you’ve forgotten, but I’m homeless and on the run for my life right now!”

Artemis, you can’t show genuine emotion in this book! That’ll just make Wade look even more like he’s not human!

Speaking of Artemis being currently homeless, this is true of three of them (her, Shoto and Wade), which might be kind of a problem to participate in a large-scale assault on an in-game stronghold, followed by who knows what kind of challenge the Third Gate itself will be. Well, don’t worry, we’ve got a near-literal Deus Ex Machine to solve that problem!

Yeah, remember how, early in the book, Wade noticed someone knocking stuff in the Basement and wondering if it was an invisible player? Well, that’s what it was. Specifically it’s Ogden Morrow, who, along with Halliday, has literal god mode turned on in the OASIS.

“In addition to being immortal and invincible, our avatars could go pretty much anywhere and do pretty much anything.”

He’s been spying on them all this time, and he makes himself visible now to offer a hand. Turns out, he and Halliday reconnected shortly before his death, and Halliday asked him to watch over the contest and maintain its integrity. Apparently, everything IOI has done (blocking off multiple critical areas, for instance) did not violate said integrity? But now, he’s offering to get private jets for all four mains to his private home, where they’ll be able to log into the OASIS safely and, you know, be safe from IOI trying to kill them IRL. When I told you the book wasn’t interested in the real-world threat, I wasn’t joking. It just removed what should be the actual conflict in favor of the in-game contest.

No one is even a little suspicious of that, by the way. At all. They just take Morrow’s offer at face value and accept it, with Aech having to pick up Wade and get him to the airport, since even Morrow can’t track Aech down. The fact that the possibility isn’t even brought up, after everything these characters have gone through (and their initial distrust of each other) really bothers me, because I have half-expected Morrow to turn out to be the true villain after all since we first saw him in the book, but…no, he’s fine.

And this is where I pause the review to go back to my earliest posts, and how this book doesn’t care or think critically about the dystopia it created. Because Morrow…you know, isn’t much better than IOI, ultimately. They’re all beneficiaries of capitalism; in other words, their massive wealth depends on the existence of the widespread poverty that Wade has observed and experienced. But Morrow is a cool nerd, and he’s done some cool things like educational games, so he gets a pass, I guess?

Yeah. No. Remember how Artemis wants to solve world hunger if she wins the contest? Morrow could do that right now. Or he could at the very least heavily contribute to that. That he hasn’t should make him a natural villain for the story, or at the very least a morally grey figure—the heroes need his help, but don’t appreciate him. But the book doesn’t care about its setting; it’s a dystopia because dystopias are cool, I guess, not because it’s trying to make a point about them. The book’s real interest is the OASIS, and the real world could just as easily be a utopia and it would change very little.

Except…actually, it does change one thing, by implication. See, if the book doesn’t want to be a dystopia, and only cares about the OASIS, then that means the dystopia probably exists to justify that the OASIS exists and is as popular as it is. In other words: the book itself doesn’t believe that anyone could be this involved in a video game, or fandom, unless they were driven to it by desperation and misery. This one thing means the book has a lower opinion of geek culture than…well, myself, at the very least. I’d even argue it’s lower than the mainstream opinion of geek culture at the moment, considering in the 2010s, culture has been dominated by things like Comic-Con and superhero movie. For a book that’s hailed as being for geek culture, is pretty odd that it can’t seem to imagine that people like things without needing a justification.

And if you think I’m pulling this reading straight out of my ass: it would not invalidate it if I did, because that’s how art criticism works, but in this case, it’s also absolutely in the text and we’ll get back to that in the final post of this review. Stay tuned for that exciting conclusion!

Back to the plot. Wade sends out his message to all gunters, and posts it on “every gunter message board”, because that’s how fandom works, I guess. Word spreads, and the media starts reporting on that and Wade’s allegations towards IOI, and Wade feels petty satisfaction.

By now, Sorrento would know I’d somehow gained access to the Sixers' private database. I wished I could see his face when he learned how I’d done it—that I’d spent an entire week just a few floors below his office.

You know what would be a great twist? If they traced the security footage and the digital footprint that Wade must have left to figure out what his plan is and counter it. But that would mean Wade failed at something due to his own hubris, and that would mean he faces consequences for his flaws, so let’s not even pretend it’s a possibility and just skip to when Aech arrives to pick him up instead.

A heavyset African American girl sat in the RV’s driver seat, clutching the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead. She was about my age, with short, kinky hair and chocolate-colored skin that appeared iridescent in the soft glow of the dashboard indicators.

Well that’s not a problematic description at all. I mean, that’s multiple descriptors with racist connotations. Oh, and don’t forget that Wade and Cline both claim to like bigger girls, yet Aech gets described as “heavyset”. I guess only white girls get to be “Rubenesque”. [Disclaimer: I personally find both to be pretty insulting, but the difference is definitely there.]

He recognizes that this is actually Aech because she smiles like her avatar does. And then, miracle of all miracles, Wade feels an emotion. Namely, betrayal. He gets over it quickly though, because emotions are icky.

Whatever anger or betrayal I felt quickly evaporated. I couldn’t help myself. I started to laugh. There was no meanness in it, and I knew she could tell that, because her shoulders relaxed a bit and she let out a relieved sigh.

So Wade is totally a-okay with Aech being actually a black girl. How progressive of him, I guess. Aech insists on explaining to him why her character is male, because that’s another thing the book believes warrants explaining. As someone who played female characters in online games for at least half of my gaming life, I find that half amusing and half insulting, but let’s be honest, in this case, it’s just that the author thought of this character’s backstory and wanted to infodump all over us, and couldn’t think of a more natural way to do so.

So Aech, real name Helen Harris, was raised by a single mother too. Her mom realized that sexism is a thing, but since most things are done through the OASIS, she could escape it by using a white male avatar, and she taught her daughter to do the same. Also, Helen/Aech is a lesbian, which is completely irrelevant, except that her mom kicked her out as a result and that’s why she now lives in an RV and always stays on the move.

Aside from the confirmation that homophobia is alive and well in the future (beyond the casual brand displayed throughout the book up to this point, which I could have chalked up as the author’s unconscious biases), I will note that Aech’s most remarkable trait—how she avoided discovery by literally everyone, including IOI and Morrow—is a result of homophobic abuse. So I guess she should be thankful for her mom kicking her out, lest she would have been killed by IOI? That’s a good unintentional message right there, book.

As we continued to talk, going through the motions of getting to know each other, I realized that we already did know each other, as well as any two people could. We’d known each other for years, in the most intimate way possible. […] None of that had changed, or could be changed by anything as inconsequential as her gender, or skin color, or sexual orientation.

This is the straightest thing Wade or the author could conclude from this. Look, let me be clear: if a person is closeted to you, you are not intimate with them. You are not close friends. Because if you were, they would trust you enough to come out to you. If they don’t trust you enough to come out, either you’re just not that close, or they actually suspect that your reaction would be bigoted and potentially dangerous, in which case you are absolutely not their friend (or a good person). It is literally that simple.

Yes, I know what the book’s message actually is here. We’re all just human, and these things shouldn’t be obstacles to relating to one another and being friends. The problem is it’s phrase as “these things shouldn’t matter”, which isn’t the same as “these things shouldn’t be obstacles”. Because they do matter. They would matter no matter how the world is, but especially in a sexist, racist, homophobic world, they matter. This is why saying you’re “colorblind” or “don’t see race”, or that people’s sexuality “doesn’t matter to you”, is not actually comforting. Identity, believe it or not, is a part of who the person is; if it doesn’t matter to you, and only, say, their interests do, then you’re not really friends with the person as a whole.

I’m just getting all the rants today, aren’t I?

Well, to be fair, the actual plot is pretty sparse. I mean, nothing happens on the road to the airport, or on the flight to Ogden Morrow’s home (whom the book now calls “Og”, because it’s the name of his avatar and I guess real names aren’t for cool people). Said home is shaped like Rivendell from the Lord of the Rings movies—is that interesting? No, no it’s not. Is it interesting that Artemis and Shoto are already here, but decided not to meet in person until after the contest is over, because why would we want an opportunity for character development? Well, I guess it’s interesting, but only in that it’s bad.

So let’s just move on to Wade getting into his immersion rig, and asking Morrow a fairly random question before he logs back into the OASIS.

“I wanted to ask what it was that ended your friendship with Halliday. […] What happened?”

Well, turns out Halliday was in love with Kira too. I know, shocking, he was in love with the one girl in his nerd group. Although, considering we’ve been told he’d only talk to her in-character as their D&D avatars, I think he was more in love with the idea of her than the real person. But hey, this book is literally making the argument that your in-game avatar is realer than the real you. I mean, Wade reverts to calling Helen “Aech” and referring to her as a man for the rest of the book after this one scene where they meet in person. I shit you not.

Literally nothing prompted this question, by the way. Wade just asked out of the blue. So you can already guess that the information is going to come up soon. Or you can just take my word for it that it will.

“Good luck, Parzival. You’re going to need it.” “What are you going to do?” I asked. “During the fight?” “Sit back and watch, of course!” [Morrow] said. “This looks to be the most epic battle in videogame history.”

Aren’t you gonna…you know, help? Why even introduce a character with godlike powers if he’s going to do nothing with them?

And with that, Wade logs into the OASIS to start the climax, and we get a dramatic chapter break. Because I’m so very scared that Wade might not win the contest. Yeah. Totally.

#ready player one #ernest cline #book reviews #ya books #young adult #books #young adult books #ya #reviews #book #book review #review #st: ready player one

6 notes · View notes