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aeoris4lovers · 1 year

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Angstpril 2023 Day One: Liar

There were very few things in life that Eadwulf insisted upon without any chance of compromise. Choosing battles was a matter of survival under the tutelage of Master Ikithon; incurring punishment was easy enough to do even without the added risk that stubbornness presented. To resist bending only made it inevitable that one would eventually have to break, and as far as Eadwulf was concerned, the world offered little of great enough importance to justify tempting that fate.

It was not an oath made lightly, then, when he promised that he would return every day that he was able to one particular cell in the depths of Vergesson Sanatorium.

Astrid refused to speak to him for weeks after the incident, after what he did that night to save her from a fate far worse than a scar. So, with no one there to swear it to, he made his promise to the gods themselves.

He knelt on the floor of his bedroom, hands clasped together in his lap. Outside the small window above his bed, the cool light of the nearly-full moon fanned out across the skies, setting the shadowed room aglow with the night’s ghostly haze. His gaze settled on the nearest mountain peaks; ancient and immense and unmoving, he thought they must be the closest things to gods he would ever lay his eyes on. When thoughts of his past, of his people, of his own actions that night threatened to creep to the front of his mind, he pressed them back into the darkness of memory. They were gone now; there was nothing more to be done for them. Instead, he turned his thoughts again to Bren, to bright red hair and wild eyes and roaring flames and the crack of rock against bone.

“If I condemned him to this fate,” he whispered, so quiet it was more thought than speech, “let me be the one to see him through it.”

Only a moment later, the soft moonlight was eclipsed by the silhouettes of two ravens coming to rest on the windowsill, and he knew somewhere deep within him that his oath had been sealed.

The next morning, he rose earlier than usual and ate his breakfast as quickly as he could manage to hold it down. The sun still hadn’t even begun to show itself in the young day’s sky when he slipped past the guards at the sanatorium, giving each of them a look which told them not to stand in his way if they valued their lives. They had no way of knowing that, in truth, he wasn’t sure if he would have the courage to make good on that threat; they only saw the determination in his eyes and stepped aside.

As he pushed through hall after hall, he wasted no time looking at anything other than the faces in each cell, searching for blue eyes and red hair. Any strange looks that may have been aimed his way were lost in the blur of stone and bars and wrong faces.

When he finally turned a corner and saw a short-cropped burst of orange in the nearest cell, he was just in time to stop the guard who was preparing to enter with whatever sad excuse for a breakfast they had prepared for the day. He caught the guard by the arm, stooping down to look her in the eye, and pressed a few coins into her hand.

All he said was, “Let me.”

She stared at him for a long few seconds, head tilted to one side, before shrugging.

“If you insist.”

Handing him the tray of oatmeal and water, she unlocked the door of Bren’s cell and started off toward the next one down, leaving Eadwulf there alone. He slipped through the door, closed it behind him, and crouched down next to Bren, truly taking in his current state for the first time.

Perhaps the most noticeable thing should have been how beat up he was – the dark bruises, the blood that no one had bothered to wash from his skin. But instead, all Eadwulf could see was how empty he looked. There was always such a fire behind his eyes, a kind of passion and life there, like his mind was working so feverishly to puzzle the world together that you could watch it happening from the outside, and now? That fire had been all but doused. His eyes were glazed over, wandering helplessly around the space, looking through it all and not truly seeing any of it. There was a slight strain on his face, a clench to his brow that Eadwulf knew his resting face didn’t possess, which betrayed some process of thought, no doubt an unpleasant one. It was distant, though, and passive, as though the thoughts had taken on a life of their own within his mind and he, in this clouded state, was helpless to resist or engage them at all. When his gaze finally fell on Eadwulf, there was a soft spark of recognition that sent Eadwulf’s heart into his throat.

Eadwulf returned every morning after that, and again every night, so long as he wasn’t off on a mission or locked away for the sake of some punishment. Each morning, he fed Bren whatever breakfast the guards had prepared, careful to make it a far more gentle process than the other meals likely involved. As Bren’s hair grew longer with time, Eadwulf took to brushing it, and trimming it when the ends began to fray. A few times, he considered cutting it short again; surely, it would be more comfortable for Bren to have less of it. But there was no ignoring how his eyes fluttered closed at the feeling of it being brushed, or how he hummed in a way that almost seemed to approach contentment — better to keep it long, Eadwulf always ultimately decided.

At night, Eadwulf would clean him — easy enough to do with a simple spell, but most nights Eadwulf wiped his face and hands the mundane way first, probably more for his own sake than for Bren’s — and tended to whatever wounds may have been sustained since the last visit. Then, he would take out whatever books he had been able to find that day, sit by Bren’s side, and read. Bren’s favorite of the books, judging by the way his eyes brightened ever so slightly at the sight of its cover, was an old children's story about a young boy and a cat prince, so they always started and finished with that one. In between, they cycled through as many of the other books as Eadwulf thought they safely had time for, and by the time he closed the fairytale for the final time, Bren was almost always slumped against his side, asleep.

Eventually, once the rifts between them had been repaired, Astrid joined him for some of his visits, though she was quickly given more responsibilities than him and often found it more difficult to get away. On those days, Astrid would braid Bren’s hair once he had brushed it in the mornings, and alternated reading with him at night.

And after every nighttime visit, he would sit in his bed and write a few lines in a journal: how the day’s visits had gone, what had gone on in the outside world that day or over the past few days, what he and Astrid were doing in their own lives. Someday, he told himself, Bren would have his mind back. Someday, he would hand over the journal, a meticulous record of the days Bren was locked away. Someday, Bren would be able to read it, and it would be as if he hadn’t missed a thing at all.

In all that time spent in Bren’s cell, Eadwulf never feared being discovered by Master Ikithon — not out of carelessness or apathy toward the consequences he would inevitably incur, but because he knew it was foolish to assume he hadn’t already been discovered at the very start. The archmage’s gaze took immense care to avoid, and nowhere was it more omnipresent than in the halls of the sanatorium. The chances that he had gone unnoticed were laughably slim — it was better to assume Master Ikithon was well aware, that a confrontation would come soon enough.

And come it did.

One morning, nearly two years into his visits, Eadwulf arrived at Bren’s cell to see his teacher standing there, calmly watching him approach. Inside the cell, he could see Bren’s eyes wide and his face held more tensely than usual. He was shifting slightly where he sat, as though his own body were the walls of a prison preventing him from running away.

All at once, Eadwulf was overcome with the urge to run forward, to lunge at Ikithon, to scream, because how dare he come here and strike that kind of fear into someone so helpless, hasn’t Bren been through enough? But he pushed the urge down and kept calm as he walked in spite of it. It was him that the archmage was angry with, it was him who would face the consequences of his actions; Bren had no reason to be afraid.

As it turned out, neither did he. Master Ikithon wasn’t angry, not at Eadwulf nor Bren; he never said or even suggested that Eadwulf would be punished, and the calm smile never fell from his face. He seemed entirely unfazed — pleased, even — by Eadwulf’s actions.

“You are welcome to visit our dear Bren whenever you wish, Eadwulf,” he said in a tone that could almost be mistaken for good-natured, “as is Miss Becke. In fact, I think it’s wonderful that you three have grown to care so much for each other, even after all this time. By all means, do continue to come visit him if it pleases you.” Moving closer, he added in a lower tone, “I would only urge you to remember that it is for you, yes? As much as it pains me to say this, Bren is — how shall I put this? — absent, by all accounts. You are a smart boy, I have no doubt you’ve noticed. Each time you leave this place, it is to him as if you were never here at all; he won’t remember. The sharp young man we knew is, I’m afraid, no longer with us.”

And every night since then, as silence fell over the sanatorium’s halls, Eadwulf would look down at Bren, tucked against his side the same way they had once grown used to laying in their beds, and ask himself: how could that possibly be true?

How, when he still squirmed at the mere sight of his old teacher standing nearby, when his eyes still sparked at the sight of his favorite fairytale’s cover, when he still remembered how to fall asleep next to Eadwulf like it was as simple as breathing, could Bren be gone? How could it be possible that such a sharp mind, so full of passion and of life, simply slipped away? Even if he remembered none of it, even if each day felt to him like the first time, Bren seemed in his own way to welcome their company far more than any other’s, to relax in some small way at their presence; did that not count for something?

It would take him many more years to truly make sense of it, to fully understand the weight of what it meant, but the simple fact remained: that Bren was gone was the first of Trent Ikithon’s lies that Eadwulf ever saw through.

#yes this is a day late. no i don't know if its good or not. yes im posting it anyway because these are my babies #im deep in an Eadwulf My Beloved Who The Fuck Are You kick rn so most of my entries will probably be centered around Him™️#i want to peel him open like an onion and see what's going on inside. yknow #*slaps eadwulf* this baby can hold so much love shown through acts of service inside of it #angstpril2023 #criticalrole #fanfiction #day1 #liar #cr fic #critical role fic #eadwulf grieve #bren aldric ermendrud #caleb widogast #trent ikithon #<- literally my number one parasocial enemy tbh. and hes not even real #i would tag astrid but she's only very briefly mentioned so it feels wrong #this will eventually be on ao3 but for now i'm just slapping it here and getting the FUCK to bed

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biblionerd07 · 3 months

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I actually had more sympathy for Jesse’s parents on this rewatch. Like overall they’re not some abusive monsters who never cared about him. They very obviously DO care about him. Their house felt safe enough to Jesse that he went there when the meth had him feeling paranoid and strung out. When Jesse calls his dad after being questioned by the DEA he mentions getting a job “in data entry, like we talked about”, and Jesse’s mom says “I can’t do this again”, and Jake says Jesse’s all they ever talk about, so they’re obviously in a cycle of trying to help Jesse and seeing him go back to drugs. It’s easy for us to kind of forget the ramifications, because of the scope of the show and because we love Jesse and are seeing his POV and definitely because Aaron Paul’s teeth and skin are nice lol, but Jesse is addicted to crystal meth. And he’s SELLING crystal meth! This is not just weed. It’s a pretty big fucking deal. And his parents talk about getting him help, and they let him come inside and sleep and eat a few meals and wash his clothes. Maybe you could consider that the bare minimum, but it is something. When Hank is talking to Jesse’s mom, she’s not dismissive of Jesse or uncaring. She’s obviously very sad about the state of Jesse’s life, and when she starts to clock that Hank’s investigating Jesse, she gets protective and makes Hank leave. They evicted Jesse from his aunt’s house, but to give them a bit of grace, his mom did find his literal meth lab in the basement lmao. Which they threatened to tell the DEA about but never actually did. They seem to be in that place with an addict where you’re trying to balance giving support without enabling; his dad even says they need to try tough love. (Personally I think it shows they don’t really know Jesse all that well because tough love is not the right method for him, but they probably feel like they’ve tried everything else.) When Jesse’s talking about that perfect box he made in shop, his initial lie is that he gave it to his mom, and when he tells the truth it’s clear he really regrets that he didn’t actually do that. In El Camino, I really think they want him to turn himself in because they think he’ll be safer and maybe they think he’ll get some leeway if he turns himself in rather than getting caught. It doesn’t seem like they call the cops when he calls and asks them to come get him; they rush out right away and all the police are in regular, unmarked cars.

But….

I can never give them grace or forgive them for that car decal that was Mom, Dad, and Jake but no Jesse. Like what the hell is that?? And it seems absolutely outrageous to me that his parents, with everything that happened between them and everything they’re seeing on the news, took the opportunity to talk to him and only said “turn yourself in.” No “I love you.” No “be safe.” His dad saying they hadn’t talked to him in a long time, since “way before all this” really rankled, too. They purposefully distanced themselves from him. They made sure to say on the news that they’re not involved in this because they’re not in his life. I really do think they cared and were scared for him. But at every turn it just seemed like they didn’t care enough to actually understand what he needed or how to get through to him.

#brba #jesse pinkman #el Camino #he really tries to keep Jake from following his path and oh my heart #I’ve always read Jesse as probably having undiagnosed or at least untreated ADHD #we know he’s so much smarter than anyone gives him credit for but he kept getting ‘apply yourself’#he has to care about things to do them well #anyway my tragic baby boy #i love him with my whole heart #and I’ve always hated his parents but as I get older and rewatch I have more sympathy for them #I doubt he ever went to rehab before but they certainly couldn’t have afforded a place like he goes to ever Jane dies #plus he wouldn’t ever go before #he really only went after Jane bc he was so catatonic with drugs and grief that I imagine Walt literally just dropped him at the door #his dad sounds happy when he says ‘you look good’ when he sees Jesse after rehab but he’s still cautious #god I wish he would’ve just said yes Jesse come over for dinner tonight #I hope someday Jesse was able to find a way to get word to them that he’s okay #nothing they can trace to find him #but just to let them know #it always seemed like his mom cared more despite that slap #his dad wanted to be tough but I don’t think his mom did #and I’m not saying Jesse turning to drugs or any of this is their fault obviously #it’s just very sad

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pleckthaniel · 1 year

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I think I might have a cat?

#he loves me so much that when he heard me light up out my window he came running to sit beneath #and kept meowing at me and then looking at the door 1 story below me. Yes Baby I Know U Want In But U Have Fleas #anyway i have to take him to the vet but he seemed semiferal when i met him a while back and now that ive earned his trust he hangs around #like literally all day. so i doubt he was a wanted kitten if he was in fact owned at some point #and i also have to ask my grandma if i can keep him while im staying with her lol #scout talks high #yes im smoking out my bedroom window at 4am dont judge me i couldnt sleep

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ev-enhotterthanyou · 2 months

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jack merridew was not a bad person he was lonely and scared and a real sweetie pie but you guys arent ready for that conversation

#i love him so much hes so heartachingly complex #all he wanted was acceptance #my baby i want to give him the fattest hug #nobody gets him like i do #you bitches with your characterisation of him as this bloodthirsty animal :( he was scared of blood and cried when he wasnt accepted and UGH #I JUST #YOU GUYS #HES JUST #he was literally just a normal slightly bossy kid and you all make him out to be purely evil and hateful #like yes obviously at the end he goes a bit nuts with the hunters and all but literally so did every single person on the island hes not-#-special? hes not overly bloodthirsty or overly insane but thats all fanon makes him out to be and it HURTS MY HEART HES JUST A BABY </3 #lord of the flies #lotf #jack merridew

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bumblingbabooshka · 11 months

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Processing some things

Also the fact that he's crouching with his hands on his knees is so cute to me for some reason?? He does this in another episode too - the one where Chakotay finds a symbol on an unknown planet...it's just so adorable to me. He could just lean down but no. Also of course his fingers are spread again - GOTTA utilize the whole hand whenever you do ANYTHING (if you're Tuvok)

#anyway. he's so pretty I'm gonna bite my arm off spongebob style.#Tuvok in the Maquis: I'm gonna spy on these criminals but also?? I'm gonna try out a new eyeshadow look.#Tuvok calling Neelix 'sir'....one and only time v_v treasure it Neelix #Do these replicators make clothing? (yes.) Will they make me a uniform like yours~?? (No. They most CERTAINLY will NOT. <3)#<- also Neelix is naked and Tuvok brought him a towel in a way that was very theatric but also very 'lets dry you off'#like...not just handing it to him #I love Neelix's scrappier early seasons vibe <3<3 #I also like whenever he was like 'GOD these Starfleet people are a bunch of BABIES...eat the damn leola root. It's good for you~!'#I FROGOT KES WAS HELD CAPTIVE BY THE KAZON???? KES ARE YOU OK???#Kes: I'm told I'm too curious...it's my worst quality~ <- and then the writers never let her out of sickbay #In my ideal world Kes & Neelix are like brother and sister (harkens back to Neelix's lost family and gives a slightly more sympathetic #reason for his overprotectiveness which would now not be romantic jealousy but still something he had to let go of for them to truly be #friends) and also Kes tried every work station aboard Voyager...every episode she's somewhere new but her MAIN job is still in sickbay #Kes is in a pseudo cult and she said nu uh I believe in a different pseudo cult and I love that for her #Kes: I don't want to be dependent on the caretaker!! (reasonable) Our people have magical mind's abilities that allow us- (ok Kes)#just bc she was right doesn't mean it's not a WILD thing to think HEhehehe #SNRKEHEHEHE HARRY STOP TOM CAN'T TAKE THIS #Tom: How can I let down the only friend I've got~? / Harry: Friend? What makes you think I'm your friend~? / Tom: -sobbing into his pillow-#Neelix saying 'Well...the fool needs company!' ok <3 I'm twirling my hair a little....got a bit of rizz...#literally an hour ago he was willing to leave them all for dead and now look at him #OUG hTom Paris the racism....ough the racism...not even the fantasy alien kind.......oaaau ugh oh it hurts the real world racism.....#TOM NO STOP TALKING!!! TO M NO THE RACISM - TOM PARIS !! TOOOOM!!!!! <- walter white screaming meme #(remembers its Harry's FIRST mission) a different kind of pain....#Janeway and Tuvok holding hands: We're so fucking doomed. This is a terrible position and we have to do what's morally right but #by doing this we're going to be trapped here - maybe for the rest of our lives and not just us but the entire crew. But we have to #do this horrible thing BECAUSE we're good people.#<- not enough attention is paid (including by me bc I forgor) to the fact that Tuvok was with Janeway when she made that decision #and backed her up...just a sad little moment to themselves #OOF Tom...three for three on the racism....TOM #Neelix's sales pitch...yeeAAAH~!!

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stannussy · 8 days

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I'm so sorry I'm going crazy

#i just realized that I just have a documentary left to do #and thats it baby #THATS ITTTT #also weirdly enough that i have a crush on one my teachers #and i feel stupid thinking abt it bc like i have hair on my ass #wdym i have a crush on a teacher???#also its part I really wanna be like him when im older and god.... gendrr envy #dont mind me #the gay thoughts have put a spell on me again #it'll pass 😌 I think to myself #but deadass after going to the museum that same night I shoot up from bed bc I realized that he made physical contact???#like literally me 😳😕😰🤢#not bc i didn't liked it #just bc I thought Jesus Christ im so unserious #and bc me wanting things makes me feel gross #💞 yes I was raised Catholic why do you ask??? 💞#jesus christ #it'll pass it'll pass it'll pass #i just need to download grindr again #thats it #thats all i need

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angelsdean · 9 days

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literally no one else can be around us when my sister and i watch one tree hill. our commentary is insane. we are also too nuanced for others to understand (our big juicy empathetic hearts for dan scott, while also easily condemning him when we feel like it jskfdkf) also it is always roast lucas hour and praise brooke hour. also also, we will regularly scream I HATE THIS SHOW WHO MADE THIS SHOW MARK SCHWAHN WHEN I GET YOU. this is, in fact, our favorite show. but fuck that guy.

#we just got to Q's death on our rewatch and fuck.that.man (mark schwahn)#WHY did they do that !!!!#he deserved so much more !!!!#also nanny carrie. die.#literally dan gets all the rights when it comes to her. that woman sucks. can't wait to see deb and dan fuck her UP #also us every time jamie talks abt wanting to see dan and nathan haley and lucas are like mmmmm it's complicated buddy #like yes dan killed his brother. no dan is not actually a danger toward jamie whom he loves and adores and no you don't have to forgive him #but you can still let jamie know him #if this were real life i'd probs have a different opinion but it's a show and i am SAD every time jamie wants to see dan and they say no #LET THE BABY BOY KNOW HIS GRANDFATHER WHO IS DYING #oth rewatch

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throwawayasoiafaccount · 17 days

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god tywin lannister deserved worse

just remembering elias death and i wanna puke and the way tywin talks about elia and what happened is so damn gross

but rip tommen and myrcella we all know what’s about to happen in the next book :/

the cycle of violence just keeps spinning and damn you tywin for beginning it

(i got a bit crazy in the tags 💀)

#rest in peace elia and rhaenys #i’m one of those crazy ppl who thinks jaqen h’ghar is aegon 💀#literally lost the teeny tiny amount of credibility i had #anyways i think doran’s in on it and i think rhaegar switched out asharas child for aegon paralleling the baby swap jon does #the pact made in braavos about viserys and dany marriages is a half truth half lie #and arianne being sent to faegon is simply doran testing his heir. if she messes up then whoever’s spying for doran will correct her #gerold dayne knows too much that’s why doran thinks he’s too dangerous #but this would make the dornish plot sooooo much more interesting and would show that no doran hasn’t been doing nothing #it would also automatically make the daynes more important #jaqen (aegon) was in kings landing to kill robert but got caught by varys. syrio was sent to find him. ned cleared out the black cells tho #saving aegon in the process. fun how we’re actually introduced to this character through lyanna starks mini me arya #aegon was able to kill robert with a boar tho so mission accomplished.#now he’s in old town trying to hatch his dragon egg. the stone beast taking flight in danys vision is aegon being symbolically depicted…#..as a spinx #i’m crazy delusional. but ppl who think faegon is actually aegon are even more delusional than me #plus the real aegon being alive fulfills the suns son part of quaithes warnings #i like this theory bc it makes the dorne plot more interesting and it explains whatever is going on with jaqen h’ghar cause he is sus #yes yes i know i’m delusional 💀 i just think it’d be a very interesting twist #kinda hoping no one sees this post at this point bc i know no one will take this theory well lol #i do think this theory can be supported by the text tho #and cerseis throw away line about ned stealing asharas baby would suddenly become peak foreshadowing #barristan comparign dany to ashara would also be peak foreshadowing bc ashara would take the place of gilly in this parallel and she was dis #dishonored by someone at harrenhall. likely aerys and then she turned to a stark probably brandon for comfort #tbh i think it was ashara who lied to brandon about what happened to lyanna. perhaps she was trying to mess with brandon’s wedding and #was trying to get back at rhaegar for humiliating elia at the tourney. i highly doubt it was baelish who lied to brandon cause brandon #has little reason to believe him and no reason to trust him. ashara tho? arthur daynes sister and elias lady in waiting? also his lover?#anyways varys the spider potentially stealing aegon away (if he did take a child it was the false aegon) is there to parallel the others #who ride ice spiders taking crasters sons. tbh i think it was aegon who decided he wanted to train as a faceless man so he could get revenge #on his own terms. and the sea lord of braavos at the time was in on it and helped aegon with his plans #the unveiling coming up is going to be a lot more important than arya just reclaiming her identity. yes im delusional lmao. rant over

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sharonisthebettercarter · 26 days

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I've watched but a scant few episodes of The Boys and I'm starting to suspect Billy is the kind of guy that thinks maternity leave is optional, at least where's his own is concerned. He'll be nearly full term and still like, "Some fuckhead who can extend his arms strangled someone five blocks away and I'm going to go do a murder on him."

Hughie pops an antacid due to stress. "Dude, you are literally eight months pregnant."

"I can still snipe the bastard."

The argument ends with M.M. wrapping him in a blanket burrito like a very angry cat and sitting him down on the sofa for some tea.

OH~! you are *absolutely* correct in your suspicion LMAO--

billy... how do i put this delicately for his delicate condition...

that motherfucker has NO CHILL. HWATSOEVER.

i love him. i adore him. i hate him. i feel for him, so gotdamn much. but he has *no self control*. if he can act out his absolute worst idea--he absofuckin'lutely will~<3!

"butcher--butcher, get off your belly. no, you at least need a pillow. here. jesus christ man, give the poor kid a break!"

MAH DEAR BOI--that bitch's kill count is only gonna get higher when he's knocked up (cause he has to make the world safe for his kid, DUH--) and i'm not at all sorry to say that<3<3<3 ;))))))))))))))))))))))

and i gotta give him credit where it's due, he'd def be the *BEST* mama bear ever... *for his own homegrown baby*, for everyone else, he'd be a nightmare. go into battle with the baby on his back--

billy's fuckin' grumpy cat CONFIRMED-- as is his all natural baby bump<3<3<3

m.m. does take such good care of him tho, truly the cutest~<3<3<3

BONUS~<3 pouty butcher democratically overruled so he listens to mm--

#thanks for the ask!#lmao #the boys #billy butcher #yes #delicious #billy butcher's all natural baby bump #marvin milk #maybe he's the baby daddy~<3<3<3 #lol i'd love that but marvin's too faithful #not that billy wouldn't want him as his daddy--#literally their dynamic #mm the good daddy<3 #he's basically if butcher were *actually* a good boi--#and he doesn't get nearly enough love...#he's unnoticed holy grail of deliciousness just like billy's baby belly and maternity shirts--#;))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))#mpreg #billy butcher's canonical mystical pregnancy

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