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sylvie-writes · 3 years

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Fighting For You

word count: 1530

request: Hi! Hello! Hey! I saw part of your conversation with the girl that is dating a cop and I was wondering if she’s okay with it of course, if you could use the “I’m fighting to come home to you” thing in a Steve x Reader thing?

a/n: this is part 1 of (undetermined) of me trying to finish requests that have been sent in ages ago. IM SO SORRY FOR THE WAIT AND THE QUALITY. it’s been hard to write but hopefully these will do. this was originally at 100 words, so i added some random subplot to bring up the count and I tried to make it relevant to the story. anyways, this isn’t proofread much so please excuse any mistakes.

It had been weeks of radio silence that often left your mind pacing while you tried to go through the day. Everything was gonna be fine.

Those five words became a mantra for the time being since Steve left and while he had warned you that no communication was a possibility on this mission, you still couldn’t help but feel anxious that something had gone wrong. Steve was never one to give up.

It was a solo mission meaning Natasha, who you trusted to babysit Steve, was currently not with him. Instead she was playing babysitter for you and had now lured you into a personal “mission” at the orphanage. The redhead had recently divulged the secret that every Thursday afternoon when she disappeared for hours on end that she wasn’t out for a workout regime, but instead visiting the angels who so badly needed some adoration.

That night Steve left for his mission, Natasha had taken you out to dinner and a few drinks led to cries of sorrow and laughter. Tears pricked at her eyes and your own, when Natasha revealed that she didn’t want these kids to have an experience such as her years as an orphan. Somehow your conversation of the awful nachos on the bar counter had transferred into what your friend did when she disappeared midweek. When the words spilled from her mouth and she immediately apologized for oversharing, you were quick to reassure her with a fast and unexpected hug that almost knocked over the unsuspecting coffee mugs that had been sitting between you both. The mugs were empty from trying to sober you both up but they seemed to be doing nothing but getting in the way. Natasha never really opened up to you about her past despite almost knowing her longer than Steve, so this little exchange was a milestone in your friendship.

Since that crazy dinner, you have been spending your Thursdays with the kids and Nat, putting on a fake smile that would turn genuine just at the sight of the children getting excited to see you. It took your mind off Steve, albeit for a few hours, but that was better than none. The kids always seemed to know what to say to cheer you up and you did the same for them.

Last visit, you and Nat were given the privilege of speaking with the teens and this week you were given the opportunity to visit the little ones. More specifically, it was arts and crafts day and only seconds after walking in the door were you elbow deep in macaroni noodles and colorful string.

About ten kids clobbered to sit around Nat as she demonstrated the making of macaroni noodles when you noticed a young girl in the corner and a social worker crouched on the ground with her, a lollipop in hand to coax the child. You could see the fear in the young girl's eyes as she clutched the tattered blanket to her chest. Those sweet brown eyes were so sparkly you were sure you would’ve remembered her which drew you to the conclusion that she was new.

You directed two other children to Nat who was currently playing art teacher as you slowly approached the scene in the corner. The social worker looked up at you with a hopeful smile and held out his arms as if saying “all yours.” He handed you the lollipop and quickly explained that she was new before dashing off to help another worker.

“Hey girly, what’s your name?”

You opted to sit criss cross on the floor, showing the girl that you planned on staying. She didn’t speak but instead turned to the wall. Silence filled the corner and you decided to speak up once more.

“My name is (y/n), and I come here with my friend Nat. Today we were invited to make macaroni necklaces with you! Do you like crafts?”

Some progress was made when you said Nat’s name and pointed her out to the child who had now turned to see what you were talking about. She softly shook her head when asked about arts and crafts and you gave a soft smile. Her hand quickly reached up to brush back a strand of short, black hair and you noticed the bracelet on her hand. It was a simple multi colored beaded bracelet that spelt out “VERA✿”

You reached out to grab her wrist and she complied, placing his arm in your hand.

“Wow, this is so pretty! Did you make this, Vera?” She nodded her head and quietly began to speak. At this you internally jumped around with joy at such progress.

“I like to make bracelets. My mommy used to make them with me, but then she left. Now I’m all alone.”

Her happy tone had turned dismal and a few tears crawled out of her eyes. Words never seemed to mean much to you, but her story made you choke back a sob. It seemed that the young girl hadn’t intended to spill the information, but she did, and now she was vulnerable.

“Oh Vera, I understand it’s no fun to be alone,” You squeezed her hand lovingly and offered a comforting smile, “My friend, Steve, he had to leave a few weeks ago and I feel lonely, just like you, but you know what?”

She cocked her head at your question.

“I have other friends who take care of me and don’t make me feel lonely. So Vera, why don’t we go out and make necklaces. We can go make some friends who will always be for you, hon!”

She was apprehensive to agree but slowly stood and dragged behind you. Nat saw you come over and waved you and Vera to come join the little boy beside her who looked in need of a friend.

Macaroni necklaces were a success and so was getting Vera to socialize. She made friends with the little boy, Liam, and the two were the chattiest out of the whole bunch. In fact, they both talked so much they tuckered themselves out that you and Nat brought them back to their sleeping quarters with the rest of the children. Natasha stood in the hallway as Vera led you to her cot and proudly showed off her teddy bear that sat in the middle. From a distance Nat could see Vera placing her macaroni necklace around your neck as you crouched down. Vera stood back and proudly eyed her creation before giving you a tight hug.

“Don’t worry, your friend will come back.” This statement caused you to be taken aback and luckily Vera was too busy climbing into bed to notice your shocked expression. “You told me you will come back and you are my friend, so I think he will too.” Vera continued as she pulled her teddy bear close and you covered her scrawny shoulders with the same fleece blanket that was once used as a makeshift shield. Walking out the darkened room, Vera’s words left you wondering if Steve would ever really come back.

As you and Nat drove home, all thoughts of Steve had momentarily dissipated leaving you with a second of bliss.

Not even a moment after your laughter ceased at Nat’s story of Liam trying to eat raw noodles, the ringer designated for Steve rang and your shaky hand voluntarily went to answer.

“Steve?”

“Hey, love,” Steve’s voice came out in a hushed whisper but a rough chuckle tumbled out with it, “You sound surprised to be hearing from me?”

“I thought something had happened to you. I-”

You were at a loss of words and Steve seemed to know this.

“(y/n), I’m fighting to come home for you. Never doubt that.”

His words seemed so sweet yet cringe so you could help but make a joke, “Wow, I didn’t know you were a motivational speaker on the side.”

Steve’s familiar laugh came through the receiver, “See, that is another reason I want to come home, so I can listen to your terrible jokes!”

Playfully offended you added, “Hey! They aren’t as bad as yours. I mean dad jokes, c’mon you can do better than that Rogers.”

“Yeah, yeah. We can settle this debate when I see you tonight.” You could practically hear the smirk in Steve’s voice because he knew darn well that he had just shocked you with this revelation of information. Your silence confirmed this for Captain and he proudly continued on.

“Well, I gotta finish cleaning up here, so I’ll see you for dinner, doll. Love you!”

All you could do was return the affection before hanging up and allowing the enormous smile to finally take over your face as it had been waiting to do so for so long.

“So, what should I wear?” Natasha took her eyes off the road and looked at you with a cheesy grin of her own. For a majority of the ride home, the two of you babbled about Steve like middle school girls on a first date.

Steve never failed to keep a promise to you and he wasn’t planning to do so now.

#steve rogers #steve rogers x reader

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evanstanwrites · 5 years

Text

The Notebook - Part 4

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Warning: fluff, angst, smut (chapters marked with *)

In 1940, Brooklyn, Bucky Barnes meets 17-year-old y/n at a carnival.

A/N: I’m back at writing :D but I’m still doing fysio therapy so the rest of this series will be slow updates until i’m back at my 100%

cowriter: @pawfect-melody

cover by: @im-finallly-clean

masterlist

series masterlist

“I forbid you to see that boy.” her father yelled at her while she lets out one of the most heartbreaking cries. This couldn't be true he couldn't do that to her. After her father's outbreak the room was filled with silence and softly in the distance she could hear footsteps walking on the front porch and suddenly she knew that Bucky probably had heard the whole conversation. She shot up from her seat and ran out the door not listening to the shouts of her parents. Bucky was walking to his truck with his head bowed to the ground.

“Bucky wait!”

She yelled out to make sure he heard her making him stop in his tracks still looking at his feet waiting for her to catch up with him.

“Buck please don't leave like this, I'm sorry for what my parents said . Please Bucky don't go. I love you.” she cried when she stood in front of him.

“Well that's the problem here, you love me and I love you. But it's wrong, we can't be together. I can't offer you what you need y/n, I'm just a poor boy who works at the docks. I'm nobody.” Bucky almost yelled out with tears in his eyes.

“All I need is you, we'll live in that house by the lake and we'll be happy. Please Bucky don't go, don't leave me, I need you.”

Y/n cried while trying to hold Bucky but he pushes her away.

“no we can't and we won't. It's better for you to hate me. This hurts me more than you think doll. You need to move on from me, I'm not good for you.”

“no don't do this to us, to me. You coward!” she yelled

She didn't understand where her anger suddenly came from, but it filled her and before she even knew it she had slapped Bucky right on his left cheek. Bucky knew he deserved it but it still hurt like hell being slapped by the woman he loves. He didn't get angry, he only looked at her with sad eyes and mumbled “I’m sorry” walked past her and got in his car.

“ you asshole, I hate you, get out of here you asshole “ she screamed while the tears streamed over her cheeks. She regretted saying what she had said the moment it left her lips. She loved him not hated him, she hated her father for forbidding them to see each other. The moment she heard Bucky’s truck come to life all her anger left her body and made place for despair and sadness. He was really leaving her, setting a point behind their relationship. She ran as fast as she could to the drivers side of the truck.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I love you. Please Bucky don't go I love you.”

But he didn't even look at her, he ignored her and just drove away taking her broken heart with him.

“no Bucky!” she cried out falling on her knees onto the gravel of her driveway. It may be unlady like the way she sat there crying, wrapping her arms around her waist folding into a ball. She didn't want to believe what just happened.

“It's not over.” she kept telling herself because for her it wasn't, the next day they would talk it all out just like they always did when they had arguments. She didn't know how long she sat there, but she eventually felt two warm hands lifting her head and stroking her tears away. When she looked up at who the hands belonged to she saw the brown eyes of her mother looking worried at her.

“come inside my child, you'll freeze out here.” her mother said pulling her up and walked her inside the house.

Once inside her mother ordered a maid to draw y/n a warm bath and to bring her dinner to her room. Her mother left her in the care of the maid and was out the door without another word. The maid guided her to the bathroom and then she left too.

The rest of the evening past in a blur like she wasn't a part of it. She kept reliving the events of that night, first she had the perfect first time with Bucky filled with love and passion, then the terrible argument with her parents, then the one with Bucky. It broke her over and over again making her lay awake in bed all night. She promised herself she would talk to Bucky in the morning and everything would be alright again, if she needed to she would run away with him if it meant that they could be together she would do it without thinking twice.

It was already 9am when she got out of bed and headed downstairs where her parents sat at the breakfast table surrounded by boxes.

“good morning dear, did you sleep well?” her mother spoke from her spot at the table on the left side of her father who was busy reading his newspaper. He didn’t even look up, she went to her spot on his right side and sat down. When she asked what all the boxes where doing there she wasn’t prepared for the answer of her mother.

“we’re going back home.”

“but summer isn’t over yet.”

“your father needs to get back to work, they need him.”

no this couldn’t be true, they couldn’t pull her away from Bucky.

“we could stay mama.” she softly suggested knowing she wouldn’t get to hear what she wanted to.

“no y/n we’re all going back home, you start studying for your final year at school so you can work at your father's office. now get dressed, we leave in an hour.”

she knew she couldn’t change their mind, but she couldn’t leave like this, not in the middle of an argument with Bucky. She got up from the table without eating and left the room. Once she was in the hallway she ran upstairs and got dressed in no time, she needed to get to the docks and talk to Bucky before she left, maybe there was a way to still run off with him. He needed to know she didn’t hate him but loved him. running as fast as she could to the docks where Bucky was supposed to be working. When she arrived out of breath she couldn't see him anywhere.

"Bucky!" She yelled as loud as she could but he didn't come, she only drew the attention of the other men working there. She felt desperate, she needed Bucky, she couldn't leave like this. Just when a tear rolled down her cheek she heard someone call out her name from behind her,when she turned around she saw Steve standing there. But if he was working then Bucky should be here too. Maybe he didn't want to see her and Steve came to tell her she thought.

"What are you doing here?" Steve asked while walking closer.

"Where is Bucky? I need to talk to him"

"He's getting a delivery done in town. Why do you want to talk to him, it's over."

"It's not over Steve, we'll get through this just like always."

"I don't know y/n, I was with him last night and it looked and sounded like it was. Just let him be, I've never seen him so broken like this before. It's over." He said with regret in his voice.

"No it isn't Steve, I'm going away and I need Bucky to know I'm really sorry and that I love him. Please tell him that, can you please tell him?" She pleaded.

"It's over y/n, move on." Steve said just when a car arrived at the docks and her mother stepped out of the car.

With a face full of tears she just nods and starts to walk to where her mother is waiting for her.

A few feet further a man stood hidden behind large crates listening to the conversation between his best friend and now ex girlfriend. He couldn't handle it, he couldn't face her right now. Not while knowing he was the reason for her tears and broken heart. He knew she didn’t mean what she had said yesterday. But hearing her saying she loved him and that she was leaving in the same sentence broke him, he needed to hold her one last time.

"Y/N!"

She froze, there where Steve had just stood Bucky appeared with sad eyes .

"I'm so sorry doll."

Y/n looked from her mother to Bucky and then ran into his open arms crashing her lips onto his kissing him passionately for the last time.

"I love you doll."

"I love you Bucky, I'll be back. I'm sorry for what I said, I didn't mean it. I love you."

Bucky stroked a wayward hair out of her face looking at her with tears in his eyes but filled with love.

"I know doll, I said a lot too that I didn't meant. I do love you but I won't be mad if you find someone else back home. It was just too good to be true."

"I'll be back, I don't know when but I'll be back and maybe then, maybe then we can be together."

With tears in his eyes Bucky shook his head.

"Maybe doll, but I think it'll be better for you if you move on. You're leaving, we don't know if you're even coming back next holiday. So this is me protecting your heart." He said wiping the tears from her cheeks.

"Y/n! Come here,we need to leave." She heard her mother calling for her from the car.

"I love you Bucky, I'll never forget you." She said wrapping her arms around his waist hugging him close for the last time.

"I love you too y/n, I'll try and write you as much as I can."

He kissed the top of her head before letting go of her and let her walk to the car while his own tears rolled over his cheek until the car was out of sight.

please don’t forget to like, comment or reblog

tags:

@thisismysecrethappyplace

@jamesbuckybarnes13

@lolabean1998

@seasidebarnes

@heyohheyitsgabi

@annielovebug22

@stylemute

@loki7ms

@adamsbubblegumbitch

@loricameback

@bucky-barnes-protecter

#Bucky Barnes #bucky fic #40 bucky #james bucky barnes #bucky x reader #bucky x y/n #bucky fluff #bucky and reader #Bucky angst #The Notebook #Sebastian Stan #BUCKY AU #Steve Rogers #marvel #captain america #Winter Soldier

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goddessoffate96 · 5 years

Text

To Never Forget

[A/N] Here goes. A second chapter. I can’t say im 100% happy with the pacing or my way of progressing the story (I feel like at times I’m rushing things to try and move the story along). But I’m hoping with time and practice I’ll be able to iron out these little kinks, and as the chapters go on, my writing will develop (my fingers are well and truly crossed). @dayanna-hatter :D

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CHAPTER TWO: PARTY AND PRESENTS

Elide was speechless. As she got out of the car and turned towards Aelin’s house she didn’t know whether to be impressed or crawl into the nearest sewer drain. She knew Aelin was nothing if not an over-enthusiastic perfectionist, but she had really outdone herself this time. All across the front garden were streamers and balloons, while pegs in the ground held a huge number two and number three in place. That wasn’t what drew the blood to Elides face, that wasn’t what made her palms sweaty and her heart begin to race. All across the front of the house, hanging between the two farthest windows was a banner. Not just any banner. Elide was pretty sure it was the biggest banner she had ever seen in her life, and written across it in bold, capital, purple letters read: ‘HAPPY 23RD BIRTHDAY ELIDE!’.

“So? What do you think?” Aelin’s shoulder bumped into Elide’s, the blonde bombshell was grinning from ear to ear, clearly pleased with her handy work.

“I… Err… I mean… I don’t really… It’s big.” The nearest sewer drain was looking more and more tempting. “I suppose no one is going to wonder how old I am for a while.” Elide hoped the chuckle that escaped her throat was convincing enough for them all to stop staring at her.

“Hey Fireheart! We were expecting you about half an hour ago!” Coming towards them, dressed in dark blue jeans and a navy shirt was Rowan, and Elide honestly couldn’t have been happier to see him in that moment. “Happy Birthday El! Glad you decided to come. I’ll let you read the millions of texts I received this morning. Who knew someone could type so fast in the space of five minutes?” After giving Elide a quick hug, Rowan draped his arm around Aelin’s waist, pulled her into him and kissed the top of her head.

“I was panicking okay! Everything was planned, and we’d spent last night sorting the decorations. Elide’s life was looking pretty damn short in those five minutes!” They’d all started making their way up to the house, and Aelin turned to give Elide a quick wink before they got to the door. “Well birthday girl first.” As Elide took a deep breath, and mentally prepared herself for what was about to ensue, she reached forward and opened the door.

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Just as she’d expected, as soon as she stepped over the threshold a chorus of ‘Happy Birthday’s and ‘Surprise’s were shouted at her. As Elide looked around at all her friends - and then some - she couldn’t help the grin that made its way across her face. She could still quite happily go and hide someplace else, but seeing all those faces smiling at her, she had to admit, it was infectious.

Dorian, Chaol and Yrene were the first ones over to her. Hugs were exchanged and a pat on the shoulder from Chaol had Elide holding back a laugh. Yrene pulled her over to the dining room table, on top of which sat her presents.

“You don’t have to open them now, in fact I’d probably suggest you don’t, it’ll be easier to carry them out to the car if they’re all still wrapped. But… I do want you to open this one.” With that Manon picked up a small square box, covered in blood red wrapping paper. Elide looked at her sister as she started carefully tearing it open. Inside the box lay a necklace, the ruby, the size of Elide’s little finger nail, was shaped like a tear.

“I know we’re not really the lovey-dovey kind of family, but I wanted you to have something that would remind you I’m always there for you. No matter what.” Elide didn’t hold back as she flung herself at her older sister and smiled.

“Thank you Min, it’s beautiful.” She felt her sister tense as she used her childhood nickname for her, but she soon relaxed once she realised Elide had said it only loud enough for her to hear.

Manon helped her put it on whilst everyone else started to disperse to find drinks or talk to other people they knew. Elide breathed a sigh of relief, realising that her friends really did know her better than she thought.

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It hadn’t taken her long to realise that someone was missing. A quick walk around the house and the back garden (which had also been flooded with balloons and streamers, and confetti by the looks of it) had told her that Lorcan wasn’t here yet. Which probably meant he wasn’t going to show at all.

She couldn’t help but feel a bit deflated. Maybe she had been secretly wishing he’d come. He’d been the first person who had actually seemed to enjoy just sitting and talking to her. She’d never felt like he was itching to get back to the party, never felt like she was being a nuisance or that she was somehow holding him hostage. In those few hours they’d had together, she’d felt herself opening up to him. Yes, she’d been a little tipsy, and no she couldn’t remember everything they’d talked about, but that hadn’t been because of the drink. They’d covered so many topics, so many different branches of conversation, she honestly couldn’t remember them all if she tried.

Elide shook her head. She needed to stop thinking about it, about him. He wasn’t here, and this was her birthday party. If she went around looking like someone had just eaten the last tub of her favourite ice cream, people would start asking questions she really didn’t want to answer.

“Hey Elide, sorry I’m only just now coming over to see you. It’s kinda hard to find you, what with you being so short, and that dark dress doesn’t exactly make you stand out.” Elide turned to face one of Rowan’s friends, Fenrys. At least that’s what she thought his name was. The tall, golden haired man smiled at her as she finally looked at his face. She had to admit, he was very good looking, in that kind of pretty boy, surfer sort of way, and although she hadn’t really spoken to him before, the rest of her friends had only had good things to say. She couldn’t help but give a small laugh.

“Well, you found me. My natural ability to hide must be wearing off. You’re Fenrys, right? One of Rowans friends? Sorry, I’m really bad with faces, and even worse with names.” She smiled and hoped she wasn’t being too awkward. Small talk really wasn’t one of her strong suits, add to that the fact that she hated long silences, and it made conversations a bit like a game of minesweeper.

Fenrys let out a low laugh. “Yeah, that’s me. I’ve known Rowan for about 5 years now, but I’ve seen you out a couple times before, and you’ve kinda always been on your own. Why is that? No one else good enough company?” At that he crossed his arms and gave her a playful questioning look, one eyebrow carefully raised and a small smile on his lips. Elide couldn’t help but smile back.

“No, it’s not that. Parties just aren’t my thing. Give me a good book or movie, blankets, popcorn and ice cream and I’ll be in my element. I like company, just not in crowded situations.” She gave a small shrug. She didn’t expect Fenrys to understand. He looked like the kind of guy who could work a crowd, and he definitely had the body and looks to attract all sorts of attention. He seemed kind enough, but Elide couldn’t help but still feel out of place. There were very few people she felt she could truly relax around, and even they had taken years for her to get to that stage. All except one person. He had only taken a few hours.

“Ahh, right. I get it. Some people just find talking to new people easier than others. From what I’ve heard, you’ve got no reason to be so shy. Everyone says great things about you El. In fact that’s kinda the reason why I came over to talk to you…”

Elide knew at that moment that it was time to find somewhere else to be. She liked Fenrys, he seemed like a really decent guy, and maybe, if her mind wasn’t stuck playing a certain pair of onyx eyes on repeat like her own personal slide show, maybe, she might have even considered entertaining the idea of flirting with him.

“Sorry Fenrys, I’ll be back, its just I’m sure Lysandra has people she wants to introduce me to, and like you said, I’m kinda hard to find. But it's been really nice talking to you, I hope to see you around again, maybe come say hi next time you see me hiding in the shadows?”

“Oh sure, yeah definitely! I’ll be sure to do that. Enjoy the rest of your birthday, Elide. A girl like you deserves to let her hair down once in a while.” She gave Fenrys one last smile as she started to make her way through the crowded house. She couldn’t help but pray to anyone or anything listening that no one else was going to approach her when she heard someone knocking at the front door.

“Elide, could you get that, my hands are full and I ordered pizza. Don’t worry I got your favourite. Though why you like pineapple on pizza is beyond me.” Asterin’s voice travelled down from the top of the stairs, and as Elide looked up she could see that her friends’ hands were indeed full. Full of some poor guys hair, while it looked like her face may have been superglued to his.

Smiling and shaking her head as she reached for the door, Elide began to hope that Asterin had chosen to order - and subsequently pay - online, but decided that she had best check her bag for cash just in case. As she pulled the door open, she began rummaging through her small purse.

“Sorry just give me a minute. Do you need cash or was this paid for already?” As she looked up to greet the delivery guy, she was in fact met with a completely different view. Her eyes kept drifting up until she finally met his gaze.

“I don’t normally expect people to pay me for bringing them flowers on their birthday, but if you want to start a trend, I think I’m okay with that.” Elide moved out of the way to let him through the door. “Sorry I’m late, meetings ran over and I still had phone calls to make. Have I missed anything important?” Elide couldn’t help but stare at him, he always looked unhappy, but there was a gentleness in his eyes that she couldn’t help but dream about.

Rowan appeared from one of the side rooms, and slapped a hand on Lorcans back. “Lor! Glad you could make it mate. Nah, you’ve missed nothing. The party’s just getting started.”

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[A/N] Chapter two is done. Sorry to leave it just as it was getting to what everyone wants, but I’ve always wanted to do that, so I indulged myself :). Please feel free to leave any sort of criticism or advice if you feel like it, and try to be nice, I am as novice as they come, but I’m willing to learn. Also if you wanna drop me a message about anything (Sarah J. Maas related, or even just to chat) that’d be pretty cool too :D x

#elide lochan #lorcan salvaterre #throne of glass #fanfic #throne of glass fanfic #To Never Forget #lysandra #rowan whitethorn #rowan x aelin #chaol x yrene #dorian #asterin blackbeak

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franeridart · 6 years

Note

Wow Hi I can't spell for shit but I was wondering if you could draw some more KamiSero? Your art style is really beautiful and there are not much KamiSero art >•

Awww thank you!!! And in the future I might, yeah! Right now I’m a bit swamped by the zine things and using the time I take away from it to draw low effort stuff or my main ships so I can’t promise it’ll happen soon, but I still like the ship lots so !!! might happen!!

Anon said:Hey thanks for that last art I know you're probably just staying on model and it doesn't really mean anything but it felt really good to see a character with my body type for once so thank you

Anon the pleasure was all mine! Miruko’s body type is beautiful to look at and a pleasure to draw, and if my indulging myself could make you happy then that makes it even better spent time!!

Anon said:I love you. That is all. Carry on.

Thank you!! I love you too!!!!!

Anon said:that drawing of hawks blessed me and my children and the children of my children, i feel the salvation in my bones, i've been purified

I dunno which one specifically you’re talking about, but thank you!!!! ;^;

Anon said:I just wanna say I love Baku I’m goods! Peace

Hell yeah anon love that boy!! Smother him in love!!!! Give him all the affection his heart can take and then more!!!!!

Anon said:This is from the anon asking about todoraka and iideku fusions, I just got far enough to find them, sorry for bothering you earlier!

Not a bother at all, don’t worry about it!!! And thank you for liking my designs enough to ask about them!!!!

Anon said:Hey!! I love your art so so so much and i was wondering if you could get in some mina and bakugo friendship content bc they're just,,, so underrated as friends and I love them

Ahhhhhhh the Baku // Mina friendship debate, nice, hadn’t been around on this blog for a while - you know, the reason why there isn’t much content and their friendship is somewhat underrated (unless we’re talking about full squad content, there’s a lot of baku and mina there) is that, going only by canon, they... aren’t friends. Of course Mina’s part of the squad, but she is more in virtue of the fact that she’s besties with Kaminari and Sero and has her backstory relationship with Kirishima, than because she has had any significant interactions with Bakugou (a bit like Jirou’s a member of the squad through Sero and Kaminari and Bakugou even if she’s got no relationship with Kirishima at all, all in all) - I, personally, like to think they could be great friends, you know? But if we’re talking canon I can count the times they interacted on the fingers of one hand (the only serious one being during the sports fest, which Mina herself commented as Bakugou picking her only cause of her acid being a good strategy against Todoroki’s ice)

I know this is sort of a digression from your question, but, as you obviously noticed since you sent me this question, lately whenever I have focused on Bakugou’s friendships in my drawings Mina hasn’t been there, and people have been more or less aggressively pointing it out to me, like I was doing a disservice to a canon friendship by not portraying it - when in truth the relationship in question has nearly no canon basis at all. So I just wanna say, from the bottom of my heart and honestly, I’m sorry if my liking to delve into and focus on Bakugou’s canon friendships makes you sad, but if the focus of a drawing or a set of drawings is supposed to be Bakugou and the relationships Horikoshi gifted him, then Mina’s most probably not gonna be there (for now, I’m still hoping Hori will add her to his growing list of canon friends soon *crosses fingers*)

Either way this has nearly nothing to do with your question and it wasn’t even really directed at you specifically, I just used the chance to address something that was bothering me a bit - THAT SAID! I do have something I mean to draw that’s gonna be focused on Bakugou and include Mina! It might not be exactly what you’re looking for, but I hope you’ll like it anyway, at least a tiny little bit! ;^;

Anon said:I loved your Have a Nice day comic. It really gave me a nice day. It’s totally cute I can imagine them living together and sing this every morning Love your art xoxoxo

Ahhhh thank you so much!!!! I’m super glad you liked it!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Bro I just wanted to thank you! Becuase of your amazing art on boku no hero academia. It got me intrested in checking it out. And let me tell you, I love this show sooo much,even if its getting really intense right now. So its all thanks to you that I even started watching it.Its even more amazing becuase I get to admire your stunning work base on it.Thank You!!!!! 💕💕💕💕

HECK I’m so glad you checked it out and ended up liking it!!!! I hope you’ll keep on enjoying it from now on too, anon!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Hey fran! I love your art style so much!! Will we ever see more of the Bakushima neighbor’s cat au?

I KEEP ON PROCRASTINATING ON THAT ONE!!! I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY!!!! It’s in the projects but I never!!! sit down!!!! to draw it!!!!! So I wanna say yes, because that’s the plan! But when I’m being honest I’m not so sure anon orz

Anon said:Okay but like.... hawks is hot right?? Its not just me??

Given the reaction the whole fandom has had to him, I’m pretty sure it’s not just you anon hahaha

Anon said:AAAAAA I BOUGHT A STICKER FROM YOUR REDBUBBLE ACCOUNT AND IT ARRIVED TODAY AND I LOVE IT!!!!!!

I’M SUPER GLAD TO HEAR THAT!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR BUYING!!!!!!!

Anon said:Could you possibly draw more of the Deku + Kirishima fusion?

I... dunno? If I ever feel in the mood to play around with that AU again? But to be honest if I were to draw something that isn’t just a design for it it’s probably... not gonna be about kiri and deku of all people............ so I can’t promise anything, sorry!

Anon said:Hi! I know you haven’t really touched the fusions au in a while but please consider: miritama fusion

I have considered it! It’s the first one I’m gonna draw if I’ll ever feel like going back on the fusions!

Anon said:Let kirishima touch the butty

I’m 100% sure Bakugou lets him touch anything he wants, but if you want depictions of that this blog is not the right place to ask, anon hahaha

Anon said:First off, you draw the greatest art/headcanons for KiriBaku I've ever seen! Secondly, I found it funny since Bakugou is almost exactly like his mom, and since she got with Bakugou's dad by aggressively hitting on him, what if there was a scenario where Bakugou did that to Kirishima? Idk, I just thought it would be funny.

I actually have a couple of comics based on that concept!! Somewhere... in my bakushima tag............ I’ll def draw more on the same line in the future, tho!

Anon said:I know you posted your batteryacid (kamimina) picture a while ago but I just saw it and I'm sobbing I love it!

YO that makes me super happy, thank you!!!! I love that ship so much, it’s nice to know you liked the little thing I drew for it!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:hi, i just binge watched bnha for the first time and now that i understand all your comics i fucking love them, i'm in love, i love bakugou, i love them all, i love your art

And I love YOU to be hecking honest!!!! Thank you for loving my boy, anon!!!!

Anon said:i just want kirishima to meet bakugou’s family one time in the show and his mother is probably gonna wanna make him her second son and bakugous LOSING IT

I DO hope that’s gonna happen in the manga canon sooner or later, but meanwhile Kirishima met Mitsuki in one of the novels! She’d been taken hostage by a villain, and Bakugou yelled at her for it, and she yelled right back at him like she wasn’t in the hands of a villain right then, and Kirishima said “as expected from Bakugou’s mom” and Bakugou said “don’t admire her!” or something on that line - I’d give you a link if I knew how I tagged it when I reblogged it, but I’m sure if you dig a bit around you can find it! Maybe on @aitaikimochi‘s blog, they translated a lot of kiribaku novel moments!

Anon said:im supposing that you do, but why do you think you like bakugou so much? personally i just like the angry scowl-y but fluffy characters haha and really hes so!! cute!!! and cool!!! really!!!!! hes so good at so many things but he sucks so badly ay feelings its so!! endearing!!!! apart from this i meant to praise you and your work but i ended up screaming about bakugou hahaha. i love him too muchasgshdjl

Oh heck anon, you really don’t wanna get into this, if I started talking about why I love Bakugou as much as I do I’d probably end up saying a 10k worth of words hah I love everything about him, everything he is and everything he has the potential to be, everything he’s changed about himself and every step he’s taken along the way to be who he is right now. I love his personality and I love how strong he is, I love how hard he works, I love how angry he is and how honest and direct and genuine in everything he does he is. I love the way he interacts with people, I love his expressions SO MUCH, I love his habit of speaking in hyperboles and I love how he’s a fast thinker and how he has to go back and walk through every step he skipped when he explains things to people. I love that he presents himself as a genius when actually he just pours everything he has in being the best at everything he tries doing, I love that he’s autocritical and that he cares and that he admits when he’s wrong and that he cries, I love the fact that he cries a lot. I love that he’s set on his path and that he takes everything life throws at him and keeps walking head up and square shoulders, and also I love his eyes and his hero costume and the fact that he wants to be intimidating and yells DIE at inanimate objects and enjoys hiking in his spare time and that he calls people nerd like he isn’t one himself I just. Love him. So damn much.

Anon said:Franeriiiiii~ I see that you're trying new techniques on your arts! Very nice, I enjoy watching you come up with new clothing and whatnot. I also see that the painting is a bit different, more detailed. Just dropping by to let you know I see your efforts ❤ keep on exploring! Maybe you'll discover that you can do what you couldn't in the past. As always, have a good day and much love \0/

SOB thank you SO MUCH, anon!!!!!

Anon said:Hey Fran, how are you? I was wondering if you have any tips on how to know where to place the shadows in a drawing? I'm still a beginner and this is the hardest part for me... And I love your art very much!! You're amazing, thank you for sharing your talent with us!

God, I would love to give you a hand there but to be fair I have zero clue what I’m doing when shading, anon ;-; I go a lot about it following more gut feeling and what looks right, than any actual tecnique (which probably shows to people who have a deeper understanding of it than I do orz) the best I can tell you to do is to try to draw from real life, but really this is such a hard question for me to answer when I myself need to work more on it ;^; I’m so sorry!

Anon said:Bakushima alternative ship name: POPROCKS

A GREAT NAME I’m nearly sure I read a fic called that once!

Anon said:I just wanted to thank you for sharing your amazing work for us. You literaly made my day

AHHHHHHH THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!!

Anon said:I just finished going through your kiribaku tag and I honestly don't know if I'm feeling fulfilled for all of it or empty because I just saw all of it daNG YOUR STYLE JUST FUCKING FITs KIRIBAKU SO MUCH I REALLY LOVE YOUR KRBK CONTENT AND THE KIDS FUUUUUUUKCKCKCKK. I'm really, really looking forward for more of your art but for now I gotta go through all your other content as well. Ps. Have I mentioned that I fucking love how you draw feet?????

OH MAN that’s such a nice thing to hear, that my style fits them!!! My style changed so much since I started drawing them that they probably influenced it to begin with, but I’m happy you like how it looks on them nonetheless!!! thank you so so much for the kind words and for taking the time to go through the whole tag!!!

Anon said:Hi! I’m an artist and i’ve been trying to draw boy teens for a while now but i cant seem to make them have muscles without making them look like sorta adults. Any tips? I like how you draw them

I dunno how qualified I am to answer this question since I’m still playing around with my style trying to work that out, but most of what I keep an eye out for are proportions and also how round I make the traits, I guess? The rounder the younger, as far as my art style goes - I also make the eyes bigger the younger my character is supposed to be, but that probably only works if you don’t mind your style not being all that realistic hahaha

Anon said:I want to go through and the like every single one of your posts but I feel like that's a little bit excessive. Since I can't do that, I would like to tell you how amazing you are and how even when I'm having a bad day your art always makes me smile. I hope you're having a lovely day!

Thank you so so much for this ask, anon!!!!!! I hope you’re having a wonderful day/week/month too!!!

Anon said:New hawk boy lookin like a snack.

I would lie if I said the first thing I thought when I read this ask was “I guess we’re talking chicken wings”, tbh

Anon said:Fran, I love your sketch of Yuuto!! :3 Do you ship anyone from yowapeda?

Thank you!!! And I guess I ship more or less anything with a vague canon basis? Which is, like, a whole damn lot of things thank you Watanabe for your gay biking children - I’m not particularly invested into anything at the moment, tho!

Anon said:Whenever I'm having a shitty day, I come back to your blog and scroll through it, the way you draw krbk is really sweet and gives me the warmth I need when I feel down. Thank you for sharing your beautiful art, you're amazing.

Sob thank you so much, oh my god! This is such a nice ask to get, I’m glad I can help you feel a lil bit better, anon ;^;

Anon said:Fran your iida is real real cute and I'm love

THANK YOU! I think he’s way less square than he’s supposed to be... I’m working on that lol

Anon said:KIRI'S PINEAPPLE HAIR??? SAVED ME. MY HEART IS SAVED. SOUL?? SAVED. LIFE??? SAVED.

I’M SO HAPPY YOU LIKED THAT!!!!!

Anon said:that drawing of hawks ended my life oh my goddddd he's bEAUTIFUL

Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Tbh I thought of Hawk teaching Tokoyami how to fly with his quirk like a bird would, but birds just fricken shove their kids out of the nest.

At this point I wouldn’t even put that past Hawks, t b h

Anon said:I love all your art and I only recently discovered all of your old kirikamibaku stuff and was wondering if you'd consider drawing it again?

YEP! Not in the near future tho, as explained in the answer to the first ask up here!

Anon said:For your fusion au do you have any of the dances figured out yet?

Only the KiriBaku one, which is just hand holding - the AU was never meant to be more than just the designs tho, so I can’t say I spent too long on this sorta things!

Anon said:Your art is so nice and beautiful that you could probably draw any two characters together and say it's a ship and I would just accept it without question like "You right omg how have I not noticed this befORE IT'S GENIUS" and it could literally even be two rocks. Not even characters. Just rocks. Bless you

THANK YOU this is!!!!!!!! such a cool feeling omg so much power to have.......... I’m gonna need to use it wisely (I say, but the first thing I thought when I read the two rocks thing was “I did draw Kiri and Tetsu in the past!” so I guess wise isn’t a thing I am at all lol)

Anon said:I’m sure you get asked this a lot but is it okay if I post some art of yours on amino? (With credits to you of course)

Nope, sorry! I don’t allow reposts with or without credit, please don’t repost my stuff - if you really wanna share you can just drop a link to the original post~

Anon said:Can I repost your art in my Instagram page with credit please ?

Anon said:Can i repost your art with credit ?

Again, sorry but I’d prefer it if you did not do that!

Anon said:Hello! Opinions on iida x deku x todoroki? I love ur art sm and ur latest thing(which inspired this ask haha) hope ur having a nice day!

Love it!!! It’s one of my main ot3s in bnha!!!! And thank you!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:Can you draw more Bakugo with glasses?? I love my goth/jock/nerd son. (I also love your art btw :'D💕)

Thank you!!! And I can! And most probably will!!! Can’t say how soon that’s gonna be, tho!

Anon said:was the art of bakugou doing kirishima's hand pose/stance based off of the official card game or was that a super happy coincidence? :'D

Seeing as I posted the comic weeks before the card came out, I’d say it was a coincidence haha that said! In the card Bakugou isn’t actually doing Kiri’s pose! He’s doing his own, which is adorably similar to Kirishima’s - one closed hand against an open palm as he lats out an explosion, you see him take the stance as he gets ready to fight now and again in the manga and anime!

Anon said:Psst, you got that Bakukamikiri?

Sadly, not at the moment :( as I said, maybe in the future~

Anon said:I love your art more than anything and your Kiribaku keeps me alive, especially now it's finals week. Also your Kaminari is a beautiful boy who deserves all my love. I have to ask for more of him. I love you omg!!!! Please never stop drawing! ❤️❤️❤️❤️

More Kaminari is coming your way! Definitely! Since I draw him a lot all things considered and you therefor you don’t really need to ask to see more of him haha

#fran answers #used my free day which i gave to myself as an undeserved gift to answer some asks finally #so many!!! why do i always do this #i might have missed a couple #im sure i did miss a couple #i have vague recollection of reading asks i did not answer in here #HMMMMM #sorry if it was your ask pls feel free to send it again if i missed it!#anonymous

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neganandblake · 6 years

Text

I think I liked you better when you didn’t have a knife in your hand, Peaches... Chapter 133 - Two

When Blake finds herself sold out to the Saviours by her abusive fiancé, she realises that she's certainly not on her own anymore and finds an unlikely friend in Negan. And Negan does NOT like men who beat their girlfriends, one tiny bit….

MASTERLIST

Chapter 133 - Two

[Blake confronts Negan about Sherry’s pregnancy scare, and the Saviour reveals a truth he has never yet confessed to anyone...]

Blake's head swam with worries and questions that continued to run through her busy mind, as she returned to her and Negan's room, with Mia in tow, not even five minutes later.

It was, to her stomach churning relief, vacant of the dark-haired man. So she silently flipped on the light, heading straight into the bathroom, as Mia's fingers curled into her long caramel-blonde hair.

It was getting late now, and Blake, running on automatic, bent over, plugging the tub, before beginning to run a nice warm and shallow bath for Mia.

But she felt light headed, perching hurriedly on the side of the tub, while she stripped Mia out of her clothes, neatly folding them onto the countertop near to them.

What was wrong with her?

Was it really any surprise that the man with six wives, over two long years, would have gotten one of them pregnant?! Or thought he had at least...

But perhaps, to Blake, it wasn't the idea of that, that hurt her the most. It was the idea that Negan perhaps had once been excited about having a baby with Sherry, just as he was now with Blake.

Had he been as elated, as proud, as loving with her? Or had it never even gotten that far?

If Sherry had had the baby, would he be with her now?

Would he even have looked at Blake' twice?

Would it have been her he had been cuddled up to at dinner tonight while Blake had sat there bruised and battered across the dining hall with David...still the broken woman she had come here as?

"Wai Bwakey look sad?"

Blake blinked, Mai's words breaking her suddenly from her thoughts.

"Im not sad, sweetie," lied Blake, offering the tiny girl and warm and caring smile. "Come on, let's get you into this bath, shall we."

Mia gave a giggle as Blake carefully lowered the little girl into the water, observing the way the toddler, splashed about, giving a small squeal as she did so, obviously enjoying herself.

Gosh, Blake loved her. With all her heart.

She placed a hand to her stomach.

And Blake also knew that, boy or girl, she would love the baby growing inside her right now, just as much.

But this, well it was a hard bout of news to get given...now…..after everything.

Why had Negan never told her? Did he not think it was important?

Or perhaps she was not important. Blake.

Perhaps she was just one in a long line of women…

But of course, Blake already knew that she was. She was not the first. And perhaps she wasn't the last either.

But she shook herself again huffily.

God, she just needed to snap out of it. What was wrong with her?

Negan loved her, she knew that.

Then why was she unable to shake these horrible feelings of doubt from her mind.

Right now she should have been elated...happy that she was having a baby with the man she loved and adored.

But this had just come from nowhere, blowing Blake out of the water, at a time where her hormones and her health was already all over the place.

Mia's bath didn't take long, and within ten minutes, Blake was stood at the edge of the large four poster bed in the room she shared with Negan, drying off the wriggly toddler who squerimed about in a large white fluffy towel.

"Come on," sighed Blake smiling gently down at the little girl, whose brown hair was currently sticking up at all angles around her head, like a little lion. "Let's' get your jammies on."

Blake had already grabbed a pair of pink pony-covered pyjamas from a small pile that had been left on the arm of one of Negan's couches, blatantly full of stuff pulled either from the marketplace, or from runs on Negan's orders.

Some of the clothes were either way too small for her, or way too big, but some things, like these cute little pjs for instance, fitted just right. And Blake knew that Negan would be grateful for not having share his tshirts with the little girl any longer.

She smiled to herself now, as she lifted Mia up from under her arms, hauling her a little way up the bed before plopping her gently down upon the soft white pillows.

The teeny girl gave a humongous yawn, shuffling herself down under the covers without much protest as Blake tucked her in.

And before Blake had even paced across the room to find a picture book that Mia enjoyed to read before bed, she turned, hearing a small sniffly sigh, to see Mia fast asleep, the time spent with the wives this afternoon obviously having worn her out.

Blake stopped staring at the sweet little girl for a long, long moment, unable to take her eyes off her.

This should have been a perfect moment.

But Blake could help that it was tarnished now by Amber's revelation.

Perhaps the young blonde girl had only been looking out for Blake…

Perhaps she had seen Sherry hurt in the past and didn't want to see it happen again….

Blake was under no illusion that Negan was a saint. But with him Blake had found herself feeling safer and more loved than she had ever felt before in her entire life.

So it was still hard for her to deal with this information.

She lingered for a moment on her feet, before moving over to the nearby leather couch, and, sinking down onto the seat besides the pile of toddler clothes, she slowly drew the laundry onto her lap and began to re-fold each item neatly.

But her eyes stared blankly at her lap...her mind whizzing and whirring at 100 miles a minute.

And it wasn't long until Blake flinched at the familiar sound of Negan's boots approaching, and a second later the sound of the door to the room being shoved open.

But Blake didn't look up, merely staring down at the far-too-small white snuggly all-in-one sleepsuit in her hands, running her fingers over the soft material.

Negan stopped in his tracks just a foot or two into the room, gazing over at a sleeping Mia tucked away in their bed, before slowly closing door behind him with a small snap.

"Beansprout, crashed already, huh?" he asked giving a low chuckle and placing Lucille down onto the sideboard near to the door.

But Blake didn't answer him now, the smallest of hard gulps sliding its way down her slender throat.

Fuck, fuck, fuck...

She could feel her face burning hot, her heart thudding away inside her chest, feeling like she wanted to be sick.

But she didn't.

Instead Blake just sat there, staring down at the sleepsuit, as Negan's eyes flickered over to her.

"Y'alright, Peaches?" he asked, taking a step towards her as she sat there, almost unmoving in the lamplight.

Should she scream at him?

Burst into tears?

Right now, Blake didn't want to do either. In fact she just wanted to run away. To do the opposite of confront Negan about this?

Did that make her a coward? An idiot? Or just someone who was so sick of being hurt?

After years of abuse…

...of pain…

...of bruises…

...of miscarriages….

...of losing people she loved….

Blake wasn't quite sure how much more she could cope with.

She ran her slender digits over the fleecy lining of the baby outfit in her hands. Wondering how her own baby would look all cuddled up in this…

...how Sherry and Negan's baby would have looked in the same thing…

And it was then that Blake spoke, her voice cold and quiet.

"Why didn't you tell me about Sherry? About how she thought she might have been pregnant…"

At her words Negan was silent for a very long moment, causing Blake's pleading eyes to rise and meet with his chocolate gaze.

And it took what felt like an age for him to give a short huff, dragging his hand down his long and lined face tiredly.

"Peaches, I-" he began in a low voice, his eyes darkened with a sorryness Blake had never seen from him before.

But Blake shook her head.

"Did you love her?" she whispered out sharply, her heart aching with a sadness she had hoped to never feel again.

But Negan took a step towards her now, a frown appearing between his eyebrows.

"All that. That shit with Sherry….. well it was a long fuckin' time ago, Darlin'-" Negan began again, but once more Blake spoke over him, her voice becoming hoarse as she held back tears of frustration.

"That's not the point, Negan," she said with a dry gulp. "Did you love her? Y-You tried to get her pregnant, so you must have felt something for her?"

From the bed, Mia stirred a little in her sleep at the sound of Blake's slightly raised voice.

The blonde woman stared over at the toddler for a second, before turning her attention back to Negan, whose frown had already deepened.

"I didn't try to get her pregnant, Doll-face-" he started, but Blake got to her feet suddenly, pointing at him.

"You had fucking unprotected sex with her Negan, what the fuck did you think was going to happen?!" Blake exclaimed, trying as hard as she could to keep her voice down.

So much anger and frustration at everything seemed to be pouring out of her now. So many unsaid things drifting to the surface…

But Negan looked troubled, not saying a word, his tongue reaching his back molars, as he clenched his jaw hard, staring at her.

"Did you love her?" Blake asked again starkly, sounding hurt.

But Negan just tilted his long face to the side, never taking his eyes off hers.

"You really think I fucking loved her, Darlin'?" he asked in strained and questioning voice.

But Blake just shifted her weight from foot-to-foot.

"Well you got her pregnant…" Blake said in a tearfully exasperated voice, turning away from him now and holding her arms over herself.

Tears began to fall freely from her cheeks for the second time today, but now, for a completely different reason than before…

"Carson did a fuckin' test, Sweetheart," Negan said in a carrying voice, causing Mia to shuffle about in the bed again. "It came back goddamn negative. Sherry wasn' even pregnant. Damn woman just thought she might have been is all."

"And that makes it ok?!" snapped Blake, spinning around on the spot and glaring at Negan. "So what am I? Just one in a long list of girls you've tried to get pregnant? Is that it? And bingo," Blake uttered loudly in a simpering voice, gesturing to her stomach. "You finally did it. I mean it took a lot of perseverance, but-"

Negan's eyes darkened at her tone.

"You wanna quit talkin' so much shit, Darlin'?" he said imploringly, pointing a warning finger at her suddenly.

"Or what?" said Blake, tears skimming down her cheeks. "You gonna put me in my place like you did to Sherry or the rest of the wives?"

But Negan didn't let her say another word, his face like thunder.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Peaches!" he cried angrily, closing the gap between the pair of them. "Have I ever given you any fucking reason to think that I don't care about you? Hell, we've all got pasts, Darlin', you should know that as well as I do. An' I've done a lot of fuckin' things in my life, hell, in the past couple of years, I ain't proud of. But don't fuckin' tell me you don't know how much you fuckin' mean to me. You, beanspout, an' our kid you've got growin' inside ya."

He stared down at her now, as Blake gazed up at him, giving him a sad sort-of look, her face awash with tears.

She paused for a lengthy second or two, before opening her mouth to speak again.

"Would you have still been with her...Sherry, if she'd had your baby?" she asked.

Negan blinked and dragged a hand over his bearded mouth, giving another carrying huff.

"What the fuck do you want me to say to that?" he replied slowly. "Hell, I ain't a monster and I aint about to walk out on a pregnant gal. But don't for a fuckin' moment think that I fuckin' loved her, Peacehes."

His eyes were full of honesty now, as he stood there mere inches away from her without their bodies touching.

Blake stared up at him, helplessly, as he finally lifted a hand to her forearm, everything in the room becoming suddenly quiet and still.

"Sit," he asked her gently, his voice soothing now in the lamplight, as Blake did as he said, sitting down onto the couch behind her, her eyes fixed on his, as tears ran down her cheeks to her slender neck.

Negan joined her, but perched on the edge of the couch cushion, hands clasped between his spread knees, his gaze drifting to the floor.

"There's only two people in this world I've ever fuckin' loved," he began slowly. "My first wife….hell, we met when we I was a senior and she was a sophomore, on the cheerleadin' squad, while I played on the football team. She was my every-fuckin'-thing. But we tried for a family. For kids, but she couldn't…"

Negan trailed off, mouthing at the air for a moment, before letting a harsh gulp trail up, and then back down, his bearded throat.

"So we argued, I drank, left her fuckin' home alone night after damn night. I screwed around on her. An' then one day I was lyin' there in bed, with some gal I can't even remember the damn name of, an I get a call that my wife fuckin' collapsed on the street outside the grocery store. I was supposed to have been the one pickin' up dinner that night', but I'd forgotten' the hell about it. An' by the time I'd made it over to the hospital almost three hours after she'd been brought in, the docs, well they'd already ran all their goddamn tests, an' told her she had terminal fucking cancer. Fucking cancer. She'd known the whole time I'd been cheatin' on her, an she didn't care. It was too late to fuckin' care. But it still tore me apart that she'd known."

Blake stared at him, breathing hard.

Blake had heard bits and pieces of this story before. But Negan had never elaborated. And yet here he was now, baring his soul to her.

His head was bowed low, his shoulders hunched, looking like a broken man. But he gave a deep sniff before continuing.

"And so I stayed with her….until the end…." he said, pausing for a moment, before staring straight up at Blake. "An' I could hear those goddamn sirens outside, the copters', but I just sat there holdin' her damn hand, even after she passed...I couldn't even fuckin' move….an' when the time came, when she came back as one of those sorry fucks, I couldn't even do it….I couldn't put her down. I acted like a cowardly piece of shit. An' I have done ever fuckin' since. I mean, I know I look an' act like a smartass-asshole most of the fuckin' time. But that was only because that day, I gave up givin' a shit about anyone but myself. An eventually I found myself some gals who needed me. An' I gave them what they wanted, protection, a shot at an easy fucking life, but they were just an easy screw an' it looked good. Me standin' there with six wives...king of the fucking castle. With my goddamn empire beneath me. But I was fuckin' empty inside. I could fucking feel it. Like a goddamn cancer of my own."

Negan gave a frown, lowering his chin and staring at a tearful Blake, with earnest chocolate eyes.

"An' then you showed up," said Negan, his hand moving suddenly to Blake's cheek, as he sat up straight, cocking his tanned face to the side, gazing at her in a look that almost resembled awe, his eyes roving across her features. "An you dragged me the fuck away from that emptiness like a goddamn hurricane, Peaches."

Blake gulped,as another tear slid its way down her cheek, but Negan quickly swiped it aside with his coarse thumb.

"So like I said, there's only ever been two fuckin' people in this world I've ever fuckin' loved. Her…..an' you. There ain't ever been nobody else. An' there never fuckin' will be. We clear on that? Look, Sherry's gone. An' there never was no kid with her. There never has been before now. With anyone."

Negan's hand suddenly dropped from Blake's chin, finding her waist, his fingers tracing over her flat abdomen.

"I was never out to become a fuckin' Daddy," he muttered. "An' I ain't gonna lie that it dont scare the livin' shit outta me. But havin' a kid with you. I could die tomorrow and still feel the happiest I've ever felt in my goddamn life."

Blake gave a breathy laugh at this. "Please dont," she said gently, as Negan blinked, a soft smile curving his bearded lips upwards.

"C'mere, Darlin'," he said, snaking his leather-clad arm around her and pulling her to him.

Blake compiled gratefully, feeling two more tears slide down her cheeks.

God, she had been so stupid. But she had just needed to hear it from him. That this was what he wanted.

He smelled like musk, and burning wood fire, and gasoline, and Blake loved him with every inch of her, including the bay girl or boy currently growing inside her.

After a long few moments had passed she finally pulled away, staring down at her lap and swiping tears from her eyes feeling, very stupid all of a sudden.

"I'm sorry," she said gently.

But Negan shook his head, his hand upon her chin again, lifting her gaze to his long face once more.

"Dont fuckin' be, Dralin'," he said imploringly. "All of this shit my fuckin' fault anyway."

He let out a puff of air, digging his tongue into his inner cheek before speaking again.

"Tomorrow…. I'm callin' a meetin' an' making it clear that those gals...well they're free to do whatever they want from now on."

Blake looked at him, with gentle eyes. "Y-You don't have to do that Negan-" she began, but this time it was Negan's turn to cut across her.

"They can stay in that room if they like, hell, they can become Beansprout' full time babysitters club if that's what they want, but that wife shit. I'm done with that damn stuff now."

And with that, before Blake could say another word, Negan had grabbed her, sat back and pulled her onto his lap, as she threaded her legs, either side of his thighs.

"Cause I've got myself a queen instead," he said lifting his chin upwards until his grinning lips brushed against hers.

And Blake couldn't help but smile into his mouth, as she kissed him gently, a warmth spreading through her.

But for once this wasn't a sexual warmth, this was a warmth, that Blake wasn't aware she had ever felt before in her entire life.

Their lives were open books now and Blake was under no illusions about what she meant to him, her Saviour.

For she was the queen to his king.

She had been through shit in her life...been a broken woman….but also a phoenix rising from the ashes of her former life. With Negan at her side.

They were a powerful and formidable team.

And no bullshit stirring from Amber or anyone else was going to fuck that up for them.

Blake had had her doubts, but she had come out stronger, with a reassurance….with a love, that Blake knew he had only ever given to one other.

And no matter what had happened between him and Sherry, that was done. It was all done.

And now the four of them together, her Negan, Mia and the baby could move on….

...leaving the past in the past.

And that meant more to Blake now, than she could ever, ever say.

Credit belongs to the gif owners.

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bb-bigbang-org · 4 years

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EPISODE 4 - “I just worry that I'm being too messy” - DESIREE

JOE

Its a bit annoying having to throw every single hoh, but I'm not in any position to take shots at Drew and Kayla. I was hoping Kayla would've been gone last cycle but instead I lose one of my closest allies.

BROOKE

Kayla and I successfully told Austin about Mandi and Joe. This is because Joe is trying to pin the vote for Cody to stay on me and I’m not sure why he’s doing that. Austin has definitely taken Joe’s spot as my number 2.

DESIREE

Daily Thoughts for Day 14:

Wow, two weeks in the Big Brother house... It feels like the game is just starting too.

HOH Results: Of fucking course Austin won again. That man is putting a huge target on his back by winning constantly. At least he seems to want to work with me, so I feel like he wouldn't put me up, but you just never know. I really wonder who he'll put up though.. I have no idea.

FROSBY

So im on the block. Stinkin Austin. So he comes to me before putting me up and tells me he is putting me up agaisnt Joe bc Joe and me are huge allies. I then go into my story about how Joe backstabbed me in the last season we played in and now I can't stand him. In reality I like Joe and I know him and Mandi are trying to help me with getting far in this game. But now im on the block with Joe and this isn't looking good for us, it looks even worse for me because if either of us gets saved then Austin says he plans on putting up Mandi so it just won't be a good situation. Regardless it is time for Power of Veto and this is the first time in this whole game where I am actually going to give my best effort to winning a challenge and not throwing the challenge to keep the heat off of me. But with me on the block I need to really win this to not only save my own ass but potentially save Joe's ass in the process. Wish me luck with winning this!

DESIREE

Daily Thoughts for Day 15:

Alliance Chats: The group chatted about who our biggest targets are. It seems everyone is on the same page. We are targeting Lukas, Brooke, & Kayla. Lukas because he pulled that stunt with HOH and then put me up. Brooke because she was leading the pack in trying to get votes for me to go up as a nom. And Kayla because she's so close with Brooke and she seems like a social threat. We chatted about Austin, I'm not sure how to feel about him because he's protecting me and feeding me tons of information, but he's not on our side of the house. Plus, he said he's putting up Frosby as a pawn this week.

Kiss The Crown: I am playing so buddy buddy with Austin right now. I feel like I'm kissing his feet, saying how I wish I could win more comps so I could be of more use to him. LMAO Really, he is useful to me because he keeps winning and he wants to keep me safe for whatever reason. Every time he wins something, he messages me right away to tell me I'm safe. But he's such a huge target so I don't want to keep him around forever. Especially now that he's nominating my biggest ally, even if he insists it's as a pawn. I mean, wasn't Joe a pawn last time?

DREW

I don't think I've recorded one of these in a while, so it seemed like a good time to do so! But I honestly love that the only HoHs this season are between Lukas and Austin. Two people that are high on my trust list, and I don't have to do anything- just sit there and look pretty.

That being said and done, I wanna like dive in to the last two weeks of this game. So Lukas narrowly beats me out for HoH (AGAIN) and decides to go for a democratic vote in terms of his reign. People are saying that its a "smart" idea, but like... really? I love Lukas and all but that was a horrible move on his part. I guess it was his way of appeasing people because he wasn't too active, but like... come on dude. You already put up one person, why piss off another? Or two in this case.

So then the votes of that democratic vote is revealed, and I get 4th. And who voted for me? Cody, Andy and Joe. Cody, understandable. Andy, he's irrelevant... but Joe? Joe, he needs to stop denying to me that he's thrown me under the bus and sold me down the river to both Lukas and Austin. Because this is week 3 (at the time of this write up its Week 4) and I'm slowly losing my patience with him.

Lukas also thought it was smart of him to put me, him and Joe in an alliance. And I'll be honest, I'll play the sweet little angel child that I am to get information out Joe, but there is no way you can't make me TRUST him. And I don't. I won't ever, but I'd like to see how far he'll go with his lies.

Fast forward, Brooke wins the veto, yadda yadda. I don't care about Brooke. She's almost as conniving and heartless as Ashley, but like she's out- so I don't care. She takes down Kayla and CODY finally goes up and goes home. But like in Cody fashion, he can't say anything without having it involve me- but I don't care cause he's already got one foot out of the door.

Here's where it gets interesting. The vote as 10-1. Meaning someone voted to keep Cody in this house. People say it was Joe. People say it was Brooke. Brooke, however, did not hesitate to throw Joe under the bus by providing a screenshot about it. Do I believe it? No. Could be 100%? Yes. BUT THAT'S NOT THE BEST PART OF THIS WEEK ENDING

I wake up the next day, and I see that I get a dying star. Cody was just evicted, and just like in Cody fashion, he wants to see me fail. Thankfully, the Dying Star is a randomized thing done by a bot to see if I get an Advantage or a Disadvantage. I already know who are the other two Dying Star recipients. One of them, is my #1, Chloe- she told me in private what her's was. Its too powerful to let that slip out. The 2nd is with Mr. Sammy, and he told the members of "They Suck The Most" an alliance comprised of myself, Sammy, Chloe and Lukas on Day 2- that he has the advantage to change up the veto to benefit one of us! And now there's me with the 3rd of 5 Advantages (thanks to the randomizer LOVING me!) where I can play an advantage on any HoH or PoV of my choosing!

So thanks Cody for being a BITTER BITCH, because I just got away with having the BEST outcome of this week. You leaving and me getting an advantage in this game. Mwah!

DESIREE

Daily Thoughts for Day 16:

POV Results - Fucking JOE won the POV?! Come on! That was the worst possible scenario. I tried to convince Austin to put up Brooke as the replacement and so did Frosby, which I'm sure set off some red flags for Austin. Austin didn't respond and just put up Andy. I WANT TO SCREAM. I hate that this vote is between Andy and Frosby, but Frosby has been my number 1 since day 1, so I'm choosing him. I am so over Austin. He is clearly just playing everybody in this house and wants to be allies with everyone and then just quietly cut them out of the equation. I'm over it.

Fauxlliance - So, after the POV ceremony, Austin messaged me asking if we should keep Frosby and then make an alliance with the three of us. I don't trust Austin at all but I agreed to this "alliance" so I could get information from him, and as a hail mary to try to save Frosby. After making this alliance, before the chat was even created, Frosby got a screenshot of Austin saying if he wins HOH again, he's putting up Frosby because he "doesn't want another Cody". God that guy is a piece of work. All I know is, if I win HOH, I'm putting up Austin & Lukas. IDGAF. I also know I need to start chatting with some of the girls because my alliances are growing thin.

DESIREE

Daily Thoughts for Day 17:

Lukas - Lukas has reached out to me today talking about how he feels like he's on the outskirts of the house, no one trusts him because of his last HOH, and he hates that he had to put me up last time. This game is mindfucking me because I feel like I'm riding both sides of the house and I want to be loyal to both. I feel like Lukas is genuine when he talks to me, but he's so close to Austin that it scares me. I do feel like he may only really have Austin on his side though as major allies so he probably needs more allies. I definitely trust him more than Austin. I would actually be happy to work with him moving forward, I just worry that I'm being too messy.

WEEK 4 CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JPCbKKRcJ54

#EPISODES

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starlightfae · 7 years

Text

About Me (redo)

((found an ancient post that had my deadname, decided i would redo the questions and delete the old one))

BASIC:

Name: Andrew Nickname(s): Drew, Fae, Andrude, Fridge Goblin Birthday: November 7th Orientation: im gay (homoflexible panromantic)

LIKES / DISLIKES:

Favorite Color(s): powder pink, baby blue, teal, black, dark red, bright orange, lilac/lavender Least Favorite Color: yellow, brown Favorite Food: shrimp fettuccine alfredo, spaghetti with mizithra cheese and browned butter, Souplantation’s mac and cheese, tuna sandwiches...... idk i like food a lot Least Favorite Food: curry, spicy foods, most veggies Favorite Band/Artist: Twenty one Pilots, Mystery Skulls, Panic! at the Disco, Fall out Boy, idk i like a LOT of music Least Favorite Band/Artist: Paramore i guess? like i said, i like a LOT of music Favorite Type of Movie: fantasy, romcoms that are more com than rom, comedy Least Favorite Type of Movie: horror, horror that involves unreality or amnesia, apocolypse movies One thing you can’t get enough of: food!, sleep, homestuck, homestuck porn, johndave, striders, animals (esp bunnies), money, love and validation One thing you hate more than anything: bigots, crying and feeling helpless, cruel people who hurt others

LOVE LIFE:

Are you single? haha yep (kill me) Do you have a crush on anyone right now? haha yeeeeeah (im dying squirtle) Do you flirt a lot? define a lot? but yeah pretty much Sweetest thing you’ve ever gotten: mom bought me 4 binders and i wanted to cry lol Do you believe in love at first sight? hm..... maybe? but more like.....idk a connection. you know this person is gonna be special. and not really “at first sight”, more like “first interaction”. so. no? i guess not? Do you fall in love fast? yes oOPS Do you ever make the first move? basically 100% of the time. i dont think i’ve ever NOT made the first move lol Do you want to get married? oh my god yes, its kindamaybesorta my dream, but i need to find someone to marry first lmao

ARE YOU…

A daydreamer? lol yes Talkative? online, yes. in person, i try not to be but maybe? depending on the people around? Energetic? i guess it depends on who is around and what we are doing? mostly, no. Happy? haha no Depressed? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ what can i say?? im depressed! Caring? maybe too much UGH Trustworthy? eh. yeah, usually Confident? nope. who is, tho??? right??? right??????????? Friendly? yeah tbh even if i hate you i try to be friendly bc i dont like starting shit. and also you attract more bees with honey or whatever Sarcastic? nnnnnnnooooooo, neeeeeever. lol yeah but not excessively Dependable? well. it depends on what i’m being depended on? like if its talking to someone consistently then no lol but if its like being there for someone or w/e then yes! i try to be! Adaptable? not really? i try to be but when plans change really quickly or often i get anxious and upset

Emotionally strong? haha noooooooooo

Religious? not really. i mean i guess i’m spiritual but not religious, no.

Indecisive? I HATE MAKING QUICK DECISIONS ITS SO SCARY TO ME. otherwise no? i guess not?

Outgoing? only if i’m with ppl i really enjoy the company of? if its just me then nooooo i prefer my room lol Nosy? YES. KNOWLEDGE IS POWER I NEED TO KNOW THINGS. Lazy? im p lazy yeah Artistic? suuuuuuure? i guess? depends on your interpretation.

Thoughtful? overtly so Considerate? i try to be but i can be kinda selfish sometimes, too Romantic? i’d like to think so, yes! maybe “sappy” is the better word? or “gross” lol Obsessive? yep! its kinda a problem esp when my new obsession is a person :C Sincere? not at all i’m fake as fuck my dude

#found this in my drafts and decided to finish and post bc WHY NOT #about me #it me

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infolibrary · 5 years

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I Had 6 Months of Therapy, and Now I’m Ready to Tell You How People Slowly Go Crazy

New Post has been published on http://www.infolibrary.net/i-had-6-months-of-therapy-and-now-im-ready-to-tell-you-how-people-slowly-go-crazy/

I Had 6 Months of Therapy, and Now I’m Ready to Tell You How People Slowly Go Crazy

Hello, my name is Katya, and today I will tell you about my experience of visiting a psychotherapist. Spoiler alert: I did not hear any mysterious voices in my head and I didn’t think there was some kind of a world conspiracy. It’s just that at a certain time in my life, I couldn’t figure out the point of living or find pleasure in my life anymore and I couldn’t navigate through these feelings on my own.

I will share my psychotherapy adventures with Bright Side readers and I hope that my story will help someone to find peace with themselves. Or at least this story can help you take your first steps toward a normal life.

How I ended up going to a psychotherapist

This is what I looked like before I was sad all the time.

In 2012, at the age of 28, I became a widow. Nothing could have predicted what happened. We were a regular family raising a boy and I was pregnant with my second child. But in just several days, my life changed completely: my young husband got ill and died in just one week. So, there I was, 9 months pregnant and alone with a 3-year-old child.

Nothing changed around me: the sun was still there, the birds were still singing, and people went to work. I didn’t think I would be depressed — just because I had to be strong.

Of course, I was in mourning, I was shocked: how could something like this even happen to me? But now, 7 years later, I realize that I was sort of in a spacesuit: all the feelings I was having were kind of blunt because I wouldn’t let myself relax. I closed my heart to pain, I learned not to cry, and, as I found out later, I shouldn’t have.

This was me when I was depressed. Where are my cheeks?

Depression caught up with me when I thought I had already overcome my loss. I lost 45 pounds in one year — I just didn’t want to eat. And once, I thought that I had cancer or some other terminal disease. I became obsessed: I started looking for the “suitable” symptoms online, I went to doctors, but they couldn’t find any diseases. I was absolutely sure that I had something terrible and that I would die any day, so I took my temperature like 5 times a day, I looked for rashes or other spots on my skin, I even constantly checked my lymph nodes.

Once I felt like my heart was beating so fast that it was going to break my ribs. I was sweating, my hands were shaking, and I wanted to run somewhere. I thought something terrible was about to happen and I did not realize that this was my first panic attack.

My body kept screaming, “I’m hurt,” and I was breaking apart, but I didn’t want to acknowledge it and I thought it all would go away. And it was only when my clothes became several sizes bigger and I couldn’t get out of bed in the morning that I realized I needed a shrink.

I started searching for a good doctor online. Actually, psychotherapists are very expensive, but at a local hospital there was a specialist I could visit for free. Anyway, I had nothing to lose, so I decided to go and this was the start of my path to healing.

I visited the specialist for several months. Together, we found out that I had a reactive depression. This is a kind of depression, but it’s different from others. Usually depression is based on something that a person had in childhood, and this disorder is the brain’s response to a traumatizing experience.

I hoped that the doctor would just prescribe some antidepressants and let me go, but this is not how therapy works. In order to get rid of depression, you need to work on it.

This is what I realized after 6 months of therapy:

1. Realize that you’ll need more than pills to help you.

There is no such thing as a magic pill. There just isn’t. There is no pill that can make you happy. My therapist compared antidepressants with crutches. When a person breaks a leg, they have a bandage and crutches in order to be able to move. But this is a temporary solution: sooner or later they will have to ditch the crutches and learn to walk again.

The same goes for pills: they can remove the symptoms (like anxiety and fear), they can help you get through the darkest days, but they won’t heal you. Without the right therapy, you can take pills for years. Seriously, I have met people who are like foodies, they know all the different types of antidepressants. In order to get rid of depression, you need to do a lot of work.

2. Sometimes it hurts.

During my first sessions, I realized that I didn’t want to live. I didn’t have any plans for more than a couple of days. Why? We all will die one way or another… I didn’t see the point of doing a renovation or go to a hairstylist. Even taking a shower didn’t seem like a necessary procedure.

I had to learn to want to live. I had to. My therapist and I made lists of plans, I drew what I planned to do in the future. And also, I had to learn to control my negative thoughts. This can be really hard and really painful.

3. Only trust someone who is a medical expert.

It is best to trust a medical specialist who has a special education — a doctor can help you find the reasons for your problems and recommend the right treatment. Depression is a multi-faceted beast: sometimes it’s the hormones, sometimes the brain lacks serotonin, and sometimes, it’s about traumatizing experiences. A doctor can get to the bottom of it and find the best approach.

And most importantly — when someone has panic attacks or depression, they need to have a full medical examination like with an ECG, a neurologist and an endocrinologist, and they need to have their lungs checked. It is amazing how some diseases can pretend to be depression. So, while you are wasting time on the therapy, your health may be getting even worse.

4. People around you won’t get it.

Most people around me thought that all of my suffering was caused by the fact that I had nothing to do. Only lazy people have depression. “Drink some mint tea, get some good sleep, buy some new shoes and your depression will go away,” everyone around me said.

I’m glad I didn’t listen to them. Nothing made me happy and I was afraid of getting out of bed in the morning, I had panic attacks — and all of this was caused by laziness? And then I realized something, in order to admit that you are weak, you have to be brave. And in order to start treatment, you need to be 100 times braver. Don’t listen to anyone. And don’t follow their advice.

5. Recovery can be extremely slow.

Some of the recommendations from your doctor can seem completely silly. A psychotherapist might recommend that you start a diary, make a plan 3 years in advance, or draw a picture. I thought, “How is this supposed to help? Give me some pills and I’ll just go home.”

The thing is, all of these things really work, you just don’t notice it. The next morning, or a week later, I didn’t feel better. I didn’t understand that I was doing better until months later. I think that even the specialist didn’t know if it was going to work or not.

6. Setbacks are a part of the treatment.

Sometimes, it gets worse. “How can this be? I do visit the doctor, I do follow the recommendations, and I still don’t feel like laughing…” It’s okay to have setbacks. It is totally normal. You can’t do something big in just several days. You have to be patient and persistent.

7. A specialist won’t think you are insane.

People are often scared of visiting psychotherapists because they think it makes them “crazy” or something like that. Well, it doesn’t. It only makes them strong enough to realize that they have a problem and are willing to solve it.

8. It may be unpleasant to find out who you really are as a person.

Psychotherapy is your chance to get to know yourself better, but you might not like what you find out. I realized that my depression was based on anger and aggression. I was angry with my husband who died and left me alone with my children. I was angry with women who had husbands and children who had fathers. I was definitely the most unhappy woman in the world and I thought nobody could understand me.

9. Depression can come back. And it most likely will.

Just like drug and alcohol addiction, depression can return. Psychotherapists are not wizards, they can’t make you a totally different person, but they can give you the tools and the skills to overcome these situations.

There is no way you can become a superhuman who is never sad and doesn’t have any psychological problems. But you can learn to live in peace with yourself, deal with your problems, and explain certain things to yourself if you have to.

10. A sense of humor helps sometimes.

You should not “worship” your depression. Yes, it is a disease and it has to be treated. Don’t let it conquer your life. When you have a cold, you don’t pay much attention to it. When you have a problem, you need to solve it — that’s it. Don’t get desperate.

My sense of humor helped me tremendously. Sometimes I thought I was losing my mind. But I kept thinking, “Okay, I’m going to a mental hospital, at least I won’t have to do any cleaning, laundry, or other things.” Sometimes sarcasm is really healthy.

The conclusion

I visited a psychotherapist 6 years ago and I regret nothing. His recommendations helped me get out of a very difficult place and now I know how to avoid desperation. My experience was very positive, so when someone I know has signs of depression, anxiety, and other problems, I recommend that they see a specialist.

It is amazing how many people try to ignore these problems just because they think they might seem “crazy” to others. And some people are scared of psychotherapists and think that they’re going to put them into a hospital and inject them with tranquilizers or something like that.

Don’t be afraid of asking for help!

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#Inspiration. Creativity. Wonder.#Psychology

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survivemiddleearth · 6 years

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Episode #3: “Nabbed by a man in a party city cow suit” -Nick

I CANNOT FUCKING BELIEVE THAT I JUST GOT NABBED BY A MAN IN A FUCKING PARTY CITY COW SUIT, IM FUCKING KILLING MYSELF IN THIS STUPID FARMERS FEILD

Remember when i said i felt secure in this game? Yeah me neither, and now with a tribe swap (:

I’m so sad???? I don’t even know the names of my old tribe to mourn them. AHHHH I DONT WANNA SWAP YET cri cri. Well fresh start cept Stephan is here so semi fresh. Hopefully he won’t screw me over jajdjdw

a tribe swap huh... I'm really curious to see how the Idolhunt works, and if the clue for a 2nd Idol on 1 tribe (?!?!?!) is actually transferrable.

Its a tribe swap and yay! I’m with the two people I’ve actually talked strategy with, Dennis and Sammy. However, I am with Vi, who is not my favourite person, i’ll try for the clean slate and all that is my philosophy but she has a history of being a snake, if an ineffective, goat-esque snake.

BLESS THE RAINS Ok I'm actually sad about Jayden - was a cool guy but I couldn't try and dictate another vote so soon and he WAS on the outer :/ BUT NOW I GET TO BE CHAOTIC YEE HA! im throwing my old tribe under the bus so fast cuz im messy and i want to be that bitch (patent pending) johnny will assume i'll take his side probs but like, I might, but I'm not gonna give up this opportunity to play middleman my inner kass is gleaming caw-caw am coming!

Yay! I love my new tribe. I have had good experiences with all these players, so I feel that my options are available and I can go to whoever I want for an alliance.

I HAVE FOUND. EVERY SINGLE. FUCKING. IDOL LOCATION. ALL THREE. AND THEY'RE ALL. FOUND. IM GONNA. SCREAM. IM. MAD.

Ok lost post but I haven’t confessed since the swap so: ok so the tribe swap has me shook. Thank Zeus that I’m still with Jay and Ford. Zach and JG are also on this tribe but I don’t think they like me. I messaged Zach and he responded with ‘👀’ which was funny asf but also. how do I respond to that. Drew and nick both had conversations with me so I don’t feel completely rejected. Jay and I have been sharing idol hunt stories and we’re pretty sure that all idols have been found so I’m scared to idol hunt, all I’ll find is disadvantages and I don’t want that. The word search comp was a lot of fun ?? I didn’t know any of the words so it was really panicky but I think I did okay. I really hope that we win this comp because. I hate tribal?? I’ve only lived 2 tribals ever because I’m a dumbass so.

This tribe is...interesting. Zach and Dylan R, despite being my sons, are a lil snakey. I see their rat boy sides, respectfully. Dylan just never lets me live tbh. But Zach and I were talking about the tribe and he mentioned wanting to blindside Drew at some point, and I was like Yeah Makes Sense and he goes "so if you could convince people to do that it would be great!" BINCH. I'm not your minion yet, don't give me tasks. So I have to keep him around to throw under the bus at some point lol. I think I'll try to get Bodhi out first since everyone else on the tribe I think I can work with.

Ayyy. Lets go guys. I found an idol. The first time I ever found one in a survivor game. Lets see how long I can hold onto it, before i either get blindsided or waste it out of paranoia. Imagine how nutty it would be if I had 2 idols by now. DARN YOU STEPHEN!!!

I’d love to get crow on board to work with my old tribe mates, none of the others really talk to me much. Thats not to say if a better offer comes up I wont take it, I’m considering tryig a less loyal game plan.

So far Dennis is my closest ally in this game, but I’ve been working hard to make sure I dont stand out as a player and an alliance maker. I also have talked to Crow a lot and really like him, would love to work with him. Dennis wants to work with Roxy and Sammy which I am cautious about, but now isn’t the time to play the game too hard. I’ll work with them for now while getting closer to others and then make my move, theres a lot of players in this group I have to make sure I’m not left behind or blindsided.

Nick sweetie I like you but 2 hours omg im beyond shook. I don’t want him going so that’s chill but I would be lying if I said I didn’t laugh omg. I’m.... kinda glad we lost? In a way?? The other tribe has a 4-3-1 where as our tribe is 3-3-2 so. In a way this is better?? I’ll probably be eating these words when I get evicted tomorrow but oh well.

Drew is really nice and we have great conversations !! But I know his history so of course I’m wary talking with him. He’s good at grilling for info while also being guarded, so talking with him about the vote worries me. If I say the wrong thing I feel like he could turn the votes against me. I thought this vote would be easy but Drew telling me that him and the red team aren’t close worries me because I know that they’re in an alliance. Drew is still really cool & nice but paranoia is a bitch !!!

I did the math, because I’m a nerd, and Zach needed a score of 16 minutes in order to tie. Honestly not the dudes fault ,,, we woulda lost anyway even if he did well. Just thought I’d say that

I'm really glad our tribe won. We ended up bonding a lot over a long discussion in the tribe chat, and I want to build with that with the people who I had most in common with, like sammy. I feel I need to socialize more because no one really approached me in a bit. I know we aren't a tribal but I feel like I should be approached anyway.

FINALLY I'm headed to tribal! I really need to go to at least one tribal pre-merge just so I can see where the heads are at and how people act under pressure. So far I've learned that Zach is the most Rat Boy person I've ever met. ZACH, I TOLD YOU AFTER KALOKAIRI THAT YOU NEED TO LEARN TO TONE IT DOWN. TONE IT DOWN. Dylan R too, to be honest. They're both just WAY TOO STRATEGIC. Like learn some subtlety, kiddos. Dylan R literally said 'we really need to get out Bodhi' to me and Zach asked 'Why doesn't Bodhi like you?' unprompted and is also roasting Drew every .4 seconds. I mean yes it's refreshing since I'm so used to playing with crusted over community people like.....myself. But also, I'm tired. I don't want to play the game as a rat herder, trying to stop Rat Zach and Rat Drew from biting each other's heads off. (If you're reading this post-season, just know I view you all as very strong players, and I bestow the title of rat lovingly, as I myself am 100% a rat). On the plus side, there are LOTS of juicy meat shields in this game. As annoying as it's going to be to deal with the inevitable Zach vs. Drew ego war, at least I know their conflict is going to keep me out of the spotlight hopefully long enough to make late merge. I need to stay as UTR as possible as long as possible, and this cast might make that easy for me. I'm just thankful I have JG. He's one of my best friends, and I know we can trust each other going forward.

Oh god I went so hard my last game and now this game i’ve Idol searched once and confessed once lmao. Ummm...not a very interesting game so far. No one’s flipped. No ine’s Been shady. Very clean cut. I’m playing with some Kalokairi peeps so that’s fun and fresh, but other than that there hasn’t been much. That’s probably why I haven’t confessed at all 😂.

I thought that this vote was gonna be easy but talk of an idol has sent people into a frenzy. Personally, if an idol gets played it won’t be the end of the world for me so I’m not... too scared ? Inb4 I get blindsided but it should be either bodhi or nick going.

Welp, the vote has flipped to Nick. Usually that would make me scramble to get it back where I want it, but this game I'm not strongarming any players, and I'm going with the "anyone but me" strategy. So whatever! If everyone can unanimously vote against an inactive player, that works.

This might be me being cocky. But I can not believe that 12 minutes was actually the fastest time. I am happy that I am not going to Tribal council. And I'd like to keep it that way as long as possible, but still... 12 minutes? Mhm.. Maybe the other tribe threw on purpose to get certain players out... who knows!

Welp I really wanted Nick gone because of that score, sorry bud but it is about tribe strength but everyone was saying let's vote Bodhi. Being/feeling on the bottom even though I have some relationships with people like Dylan, Drew, and Jay , I still did not feel secure in my position in this game. During the afternoon, I realized it was extremely stupid to target and get rid of Bodhi who would most likely be loyal to me and have my back over some of these other folks. So I talked to Jay and planted the seeds of actually voting out Nick instead of Bodhi. I went to Bodhi saying that we could potentially flip this and told him who needed to talk and and who to target to save himself which was obviously Nick. I wanted Nick out the moment those results came out and if he goes home, I will take claim to this for pulling this off, this will potentially really keep Bodhi as a number for myself and not rock too many boats.

wow shook i didn’t do the worst at the word search....why do all of my friends gotta be in the game w me. Potentially I would like to work with Johnny and Roxy even tho I know a lot of times ppl target roxy for being crazy and I don’t know who i can trust yet. I like crow as well. My predictions for tonight is that bodhi might go home because he really wasn’t active on our old tribe but only time will tellllll

#outwitoutplayoutrunthewitchking

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franeridart · 6 years

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I absolutely adore every single KiriBaku thing you draw. They’re so pure and I love them.

;O; !!!!! thank you holy heck!!!!!

Anon said:Fran i missed your hq fanart, it was so good seeing some more from you!

I’m happy you liked them!!!! I missed drawing them too, really !!!!

Anon said:Imagine this - BNHA kids like It kids. Also love your art!

But I haven’t watched It :O and thank you!!!

Anon said: Is it ok if fictionkin people reblog your art and tag it as kin or anything of the sort?

Sure! People are gonna do so anyway whatever I say after all, and this seems like a really silly thing to get bothered over since it’s not like it hurts me in any way haha

Anon said:Who dabs more, Denki or Mina?

If I gotta pick one I’d say Kaminari, but I sure as heck hope dabbing isn’t still a thing in whatever future bnha is set in, anon hahaha

Anon said:yo i love it when you color your sketches, so pretty!!

OH BOY thank you so so much!!!!! :O

Anon said:I love you and your art so much?? like??? you’re so perfect?? just keep doing what you’re doing because you’re doing fucking amazing

I’m the furthest thing from perfect you’re gonna find, anon haha but thank you so much for the compliment!!

Anon said:thank you for always making me smile.

And thank you cause this ask made me smile, anon!!

Anon said:your coloring skills are improving!!! gosh your art is visibly getting better lately (not that it’s even been “bad”, there’s no such thing!! i’ve always loved it). i don’t know if it’s a good idea to tell you this but i mean it as a genuine compliment!

Are they really??? °O° I wouldn’t have said so, honestly haha but I’m super happy to hear that, thank you!!

Anon said:Are any of your OCs romantically involved? Or are they all just good friends?

Yes and no, depending on at which point in their respective story we’re talking about haha Josh and Chris are in love with each other, and so are Max and Leo (well, their situation is a bit… uncommon, but if I were ever to write their story they’d be together in the end) - I once posted about Gabe and Hector, and by the end of their story they’re in a poly relationship with a girl named Erica I’ve never posted about. Luca has a love (?) interest of sort but he’s not been posted about yet hohoho maybe sometime in the near future. Still deciding about Isa and Ana’s relationship, but maybe. Who knows? That’s about it as far as the ones I’ve posted about go :D

Anon said:your ocs are adorable!! esp ana, I want to know EVERYTHING ABOUT HER (and, yeah, having new ocs is super exciting, like you said! just– being able to figure all that stuff out, actually mould a character of your own– it’s a lot of fun!!!)

Anon said: What are Ana and Isa like? From that drawing, I already think I would want to be friends with Isa! She looks like lots of fun!

She is!! She’s sort of a jock, a bit of a dummy and really loud, she’s easy to make laugh and got the type of laughter that makes you wanna laugh with her so when she’s around the mood is always a good one! She’s not exactly a social butterfly, but she’s got no problems with socializing, knows by instinct how to bend her behaviour to fit with all types of people and has the incredible ability to have every and all awkward situations fly right over her head, she just doesn’t notice them, and that makes it hard to be anything but relaxed when she’s around. She’s actually how she and Ana got in the group, since she’s gym buddies with Leo! She also really really likes ball sports :D

Ana’s an introvert all the way through, on the other hand - she’s really witty and sassy when she feels comfortable enough, and sarcasm is her preferred way of communicating, but if she doesn’t know you/ too many people she isn’t 100% comfortable with are around she comes off as timid and closed off, smiles politely and barely utters a word - people assume she’s the subdued and shy type at first so once she starts opening up it’s always sort of a shock haha she’s got a scientific mind and while she isn’t a “gifted kid” like Chris she likes to learn and study a lot, which is why she ended up having a real great relationship with Chris specifically out of everyone in the group (they like to nerd out together) (Josh isn’t particularly happy about it, the jelly idiot)

Anon said: I love seeing you drawing and getting asks about your OCs. They have so much personality and it makes me super happy. I hope you’ll feel like sharing them with us more often!

Thank you so much!!!! I’m really really happy people seem to like them too!!!! :O

Anon said:you draw the children so long i love it :0

!!!!! :D thank you!!!

Anon said:Did you now that the voice actor of Tenya is also the one of Kageyama ? (I start Haikyuu because of you by the way, thanks for this and for all your great art !)

I did know!!! There’s a lot of hq va’s in bnha, that’s always made me happy haha

Anon said:Love the new Haikyuu art! Although it’s sad that someone made you lose motivation to draw BNHA :/ Daishou is one of my faves, too. He’s such a doof, love it.

OH BOY I love Daishou so much, I’m glad you like him too! Aside from how much fun he is to draw (and color! he’s a green haired boy and that matters lots to me haha) he’s got so much personality and he’s such an interesting character! I honest to god disliked him with a passion during the nekohebi game, actually haha but that’s how it is with most of my hq faves, after all hahaha glad you liked the doodles, by the way!!!

Anon said:DOGS? SHOUTS? LUCA IS MY KINDA GUY

THANK YOU FOR LIKING MY ANGRY SON !!!!!! :D

Anon said:I love Luca! Where did he get his scar?

A fight with some punks back when he was a teen that ended up escalating when knives became a thing that was being used :O he comes off as the dangerous sorta type which makes good people steer clear and bad ones come looking for trouble/ pick fights with him cause they assume he was picking a fight cause of his resting bitch face. Well, he’s an ass so let’s say that at least half the times he had been picking fights, and it’s not like he runs when someone tries to fight him anyway… that’s not the only scar he has, it’s just the most visible one haha

Anon said:I’m kinda freaking out about Luca and the others being italians! It makes me love your OCs even more ahah Btw, don’t know if you’ve already answered this or if it’s too personal but… are you Italian? (Or what nationality?)

Yah I am! :D and I’m super happy to hear you like my kids!!!!!

Anon said:Hello! I just wanted to let you know that you inspire me a lot! Your blog is honestly such a happy, fun place to be. You draw so much stuff, so much cute and sweet stuff regularly and I aspire to be like that! I’m extremely slow at drawing, and I lose motivation or get distracted from drawing easily, but I’m hoping for a day when I can make a blog just like yours; a place where I can regularly draw things that make me happy. I hope you have a wonderful day!

I’m!!!! so happy to hear that!!!!! And yeah I 100% understand the being slow and getting discouraged easily, I used to be (and sort of still am) like that too :O my need to be faster is what had me end up with the style I have now, actually haha I hope you’ll find a comfortable style that’ll let you be as fast as you wish soon too, anon!!!

Anon said:I don’t think you understand how much it means to me that you drew an asahi! He’s my fave and he looks precious and pretty in your style! Thank you for this gift :’)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m glad you liked him, then!!!!!!! *O* thank you!!!!!

Anon said:Thank you for drawing Noya! Im sorry it was sort of cause of a shitty anon, I also really enjoy your bnha drawings so im not trying to be all “waaaah go back to hq”, but im happy to see my lightning son and also find out hes in your favs? Yay!

YAH HE’S THE BEST ISN’T HE he’s been one of my top 5s since he first appeared, he’s such a good I’m glad you liked him!!!!!!!!

Anon said:FRAN YOUR NEW HQ ART IM IN LOVE!!!!!! YOU DRAW DAISHOU LIKE A LITERAL SNAKE HES SO SMUG ITS SO GOOD!! AND YOUR OCS!! I WOULD HONESTLY READ A BOOK ABOUT THEM. OR A WEB COMIC. BOTH ARE GOOD. SORRY ABOUT THE CAPS IM JUST EXCITED BC HQ!!!! AND AWESOME OCS!!!! (can you tell that i have a weakness for other people’s ocs, esp when done well) (which you certainly have)

THANK YOU FOR THE COMPLIMENTS OH GODS !!!!!!!!!!!! Especially about my ocs, that makes me so happy oh boy ;O; !!! And and and I’m super happy you liked Dai! He’s honestly so much fun to draw, for me hahaha

Anon said:I’m sorry that people are being assholes, sending good vibes! I love all your art, I hope you have a good day

This to you and everyone else who’s sent the same type of ask, thank you SO much! You guys are all so incredibly nice and supportive, bless all of you ;O;

Anon said:Dave!!! :D

Dave indeed!!!!!! :D :D

Anon said:your art is Good

Thank You !!!!!!!!

Anon said:omg i love your ocs so much

SOB thank you?????

Anon said:I love how the collar on Kiri’s coat in the ‘Them boys’ post is reminiscent of his pauldrons

……………………………………………….. that was totally on purpose. Yep. Definitely. Hmhm.

Anon said:Anon from before showed me your stuff today and just wanted to say wow I love your stuff what even your art is so good I fuckin love kiribaku and oh my god I swear I must have gone through your whole kiribaku tag and I’m gone your art just made my day

GOSH I’m glad you liked them???? thank you for such a nice message aaahhhh !!!!!!

Anon said:Im cry omg i just realized ur url is franeridart fjhfhf this whole time i thought it was friend art bddnjx

You’re the second person that tells me that in the span of just a couple of days omfg hahahaha it’s cool tho, I wish that was actually the url, it’d have been such a soft one haha

Anon said:hi Kaminari can skateboard he has a skateboard in his room

Kaminari in his room also has a dart board, a basketball and a dj console, and that’s only the stuff whe can see so actually, considering in his likes there’s “cool things” I think he’s the type of boy that tries to pursue any hobbie he might think would make him look cool, so either he has no clue how to use any of the cool things in his room above a vaguely amatorial level or he’s still pursuing all of those interests! Which would actually be super cool! Incidentally this is my preferred headcanon too so, yeah, as far as I’m concerned he knows how to skate. And play basketball. And darts. And also how to dj. He’s a cool kid haha

Anon said:Bless you and your super cute kiribaku ^_^

Bless you for the super sweet message, anon!!!! ;O;

Anon said:THAT JIROU IS SO TINY AND ADORABLE I’M DYING LOOK AT HER SIDE BY SIDE WITH KAMINARI AND BAKUGOU OH MY GOD

Hahahaha I might have actually accentuated that a bit, but she’s about 20cm shorter than the both of them and in a chibi style that’s hard to keep accurate hahahaha but yeah I love my pocket sized girl she’s the best

Anon said:Im so fucking happy because youve been posting (almost?) daily for a few days now

That was my own poor attempt at something similar to inktober, actually! I’ve had a few days through the month I wasn’t at home at all so I couldn’t draw all 31 days, but I think I got close? Maybe? I’m glad you enjoyed it, tho!!

Anon said:you deserve all the love in the world

I’m f sobbing so do you, friend ;u;

Anon said:do you like as*noya?? or, which are your main pairings for asahi and noya :)

I do ship as*noya, but I prefer Asahi with Daichi and Suga (ot3) or with Kiyoko, actually :O while my fav Noya ship is with Tanaka~

Anon said:I have recently fallen totally in love with kiribaku as a ship, and your art is always my favorite to see in the tags. Thanks for drawing those two nerds, and I hope you have a good rest of your day!

Thank you!!!!! This fandom is super full of incredibly talented people, I hope you’ll enjoy it here hahaha

Anon said: I first found your blog searching the Bokuroo tag.I was very happy because it was one of my all time OTPs,but they didnt have much content.Then there you came,with amazing art.Time passed and you watched BNHA.I was absolutely captivated by BakuShima and then I checked your blog and it had BakuShima!!I told myself “this person cant get any cooler”.But today i found out about TetsuKami and I checked their tag and yoU ALREADY MADE FANART OF THEM!!Officially ,you are the coolest person on Tumblr tbh

We seem to have really really similar tastes in ships, anon!!!! that’s so great omfg !!!!!!! :O and I’m super happy you like my stuff still afer all this time hahaha

Anon said:Could I draw some fan art of your ocs?

Oh my god yeah!!!!! please do link me to it if you do!!!!!

Anon said:BLESS YOUR BEAUTIFUL SOUL FOR MAKING SUCH AMAZING ART

BLESS YOU FOR BEING SO KIND, ANON!!!!!!

#fran answers #fuck me and my procrastinating ass #also #original art #but just blabber about it?#oc asks #okay that's better #anonymous

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