#lets see what else ill find

[bakawitch]

OMG I found this Malik from the time I was making that fnf au 😳

Probably never gonna finish that now, but I still remember some character roles

So obviously Malik was gonna be BF. This was supposed to be a Thiefshipping au so Bakura was going to be GF and I made Daddy Dearest Zorc and Mommy Must Murder TKB... but I was going to make them divorce because nobody wants to put poor TKB through that marriage

I also remember that Ryou was going to be Pico and YMalik was going to be Senpai. Yugi and Yami might have been Pump and Skid? But I don't remember if I settled on that or not.

#time to browse through my art folder for inspiration ✨️ #lets see what else ill find #yugioh #yugioh dm #ygo dm #bakura #thief king bakura #ryou bakura #yami bakura #yugioh au #malik ishtar #marik ishtar #zorc #yami malik #yami marik #thiefshipping #baka arts

[lobotomyladylives]

people often assume when we all go out together that I'm my half brothers mom (I'm 20 years older than him) & that his parents are his grandparents & it's so funny bc I know it bothers them. old ass idiots

#my dad was 49 & his wife was 45 when they had him #the story behind his birth is actually extremely fucked up like everything else about their relationship #so my dad left her like a million times to try to go back to my mom (who kept telling him no unless he sorted out his issues) then he #would always run right back to her & she always took him back. anyways i guess he said smth along the lines of #''my wife (he was still married to my mom) will always be the love of my life bc shes the mother of my kids'' #and...she went off bc & on fertility treatments without telling him. then shes pregnant & he is still saying he wants to come back to us #so she said he will never see their kid & her son from a previous marraige THREATENED MY DAD AT GUNPOINT #and said if you ever leave my mom again ill fucking kill yoi #so then the divorce was finalized & they got married & my half brother was born. rest is history #for the record i dont feel sorry for my dad at all it was his fault too. the fucking hypocrite was having sex before marriage #and he knew she was nuts & far too attached to her #what a fucking idiot. all he had to do was get on meds & in therapy & admit he was wrong & he could have stayed with us #but he needed constant validation & to be in charge of everything & thats what his new wife gives him. she converted to his cult & now they #raise my brother in it. and she just does whatever my dad wants & lets him treat her like shit. i would actually feel sorry for her if sh #if she werent such a fucking awful person. and she tries to be all nicey nice w/us despite being a literal homewrecker. #and doing things like telling my dad he cant spend more than 50 dollars per year on each of us #while having him buy her a third car & a 1500 dollar fur coat. lol #theyre so much better off financially than us that its unreal. my mom doesnt get a penny despite how much we are struggling #but if i want a relationship with my half brother i just have to pretend none of this is weird or wrong. #anyways i just hope he never finds out the circumstances of his birth bc god can you fucking imagine

[nakeurnes]

#bandudhfuwufhrbdjvhsbbgbfndjeybfnzuchdndhdbdbgbsjfyskiwurbrbcjdbfnskayfis8 ch dnbcje I fyebaichfnduwjfnoxuend hai fudbsja #i fucking hate being a system #i hate it here #i dont want to be here anymore let me out #let me out or take me out back and shoot me in the head #blah blah the SAME SHIT I KEEP FUCKING COMPLAINING ABOUT EVRTY SINGLE FUCKING YIME INCOME HERE AND CRY AND SOB AND COMPLAIN I JSUT ALWAYS #FUCKING XOMPLAIN HUH? maybe i should jsut shut thr fuck up forever #i dont even want. to yell about it anymore #i screamed for help last time and no one fucking helped me no one actually fucking listens and im tired #if you dont give a fuck about what im ACTUALLY saying and feeling dont just feel pity for me #im not a kicked dog i m asking for HELP #but okay . thats fine . #ill jsu t go bash my head on a wall. #this is just great too cuz youre gonna see this and assume its you and youre right! its partially you im going fucking insane #and its mean for me to be like this and do this but i cant #i just give up now i literally am . giving up i dont have the energy to try and keep fucking foing yhis #i front once every 2 months to everyones distain and sob uncontrollably for hours and then go to sleep and eventuallly find someone else #to come here and front so i dont have to look myself in the mirror #i dont even know how started this rant anumore jone of this makes sense #if you see this and you know who you are just dont even. mention it i dont want to talk about it #its always the same shit ans the same shit keeps fucking happening and i keep getting worse so whatever . #yeah ur gonna feel bad and pitiful and im gonna feel like a piece of shit even though i do this ervery fucjing time #id off myself atp if that was a fucking option #whatevrr . im not tagging this shit on who it is if u dont know play a guessing game akd if you do then congrats go finger ur ass or smth #I will regret this in the morning but wt v . #stnkkkk if u read this then thank u for sloppy jane req i sobbed quite hard while lsitening to it 10/10 /pos #youd yave to be reading pretty far atp to see this but wtv .

[todayisafridaynight]

uhhh something something 'the only time a yakuza should laugh with his teeth is when he's with family or in trouble' something something arakawa gradually doing so more and more when hanging around jo something something Uh Oh™️

#arasawa #snap chats #DO WE GET WHAT I MEAN. #im not arguin semantics rn just listen to me im gripping you by the shoulders reader #it can go either way A.) arakawa gradually seeing jo as a part of his persoanl family opposed to The General Family #B.) you know how in fanfics theres that 'Oh. /Oh./' trope Yeah. i want big man to realize he's a lil doki doki for one of his guys #why the fuck i frame it like these arent in the same vein I CANNOT THINKKKKKK STRAAAIGHT #BUT NOOOO LISTEEENNNN i know bro would be SOOO conflicted. dare i say... he'd be in trouble SEE DO WE SEE WHAT IMEA #ok you can stop looking at me. im delirious. insane. delulu. its cause i cant draw rn its hard and my head hurts #ive been struggling with this idea for. WEEKS. i CANNOT find a way to make a comic out of it and its making me loco and mad #so im just throwing it out into the ether as Free Real Estate if anyone else wants a crack at it. or yk just so i can share it #LIKE THERE'S SOMETHING HERE I KNOW THERE IS I AM BRUSHING IT WITH MY FINGERTIPS BUT I CANNOT GRAB IT #you know it fuckin bad when i actually make a text post about it thats how you know Im At My Limit #driving me insane....... i just need everyone to know im rotating them like SSBB trophies.... #anyway. yeah youre right i still havent drawn shit #UUUGGGHHHHH should... or shold i sleep.... #let me try to force myself to sketch something and then ill run to my car and sleep there or somethin #idk. anyway bye i love the old people

[jvzebel-x]

🦋

#hmmmm. #so as a rule i say thank you when i go out. a lot. bc i was told once that saying thank you instead of im sorry #would make ppl feel less uncomfortable so i swapped the phrases out. #similarly i was told once that compliments make ppl happy&also if im specifically looking for Good Things #i will find them-- as opposed to letting my head do whatever it wants bc given the extremely violent intrusive+obsessive thoughts #directing it towards Good Things works out for everyone if ppl enjoy compliments. #im also like. extremely aware that these facts-- along w my fervent occasionally manic insistence on being Nice when interacting w ppl #(bc i thought we all were told as kids to treat others the way we wanted to be treated??? lmao.) #-- all add up to make me seem insincere at times or to some ppl. i. dont care. LMAO. #its too exhausting to care. like ppl find whatever they want to find&if ppl are so set on my being a certain way #so much so that my being a nice person can only be explained by nefarious intent (to acheive. what. kindness from others? lmao.) #how in the fuck can any of that be my fault or-- MUCH more importantly-- my problem??? #however lately its like ppl have been getting like. Offended. by the impulses. which is becoming... boring. for me. lmao. #bc it isnt like i dont mean it when im extensively polite&complimentary-- i mean everything i say bc even when anxiously filling silence #i dont like wasting my time on like. lying for no reason lmao. #its more so that if it becomes a hinderance to be myself ill go the route that benefits me which is the one of least resistance #&i will ALSO mean it when i make someone cry w exactly the same amount of effort lmao #bc proving a point-- even if its proving someone elses point-- correct is extremely easy either way lmao. #its weird to me that ppl would think seeing good in something means that seeing bad in it isnt possible lmao #the same way its extremely confusing to me that ppl would think kindness&abject cruelty cant like. coexist lmao. #i feel accepting that on a micro level would help ppl accept it on a macro level. #either way i know it would save me some time in having to deal w ppl biting off more than they can chew #before realizing that i will rip chunks out of them&lick the tears up like a dog if they insist on tempting me like one LMAO. #at the very least it might help more ppl appreciate the fact that regardless of how vivid the fantasies #i have yet to hit anyone repeatedly w a baseball bat to relieve some stress. #... lmao.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#i am back to lementing the phd hunting process #also hate watching mountain climbing documentaries. but thats not the point rn #its just. i know where i want to go. i have 2 options that would be idea and maybe a 3rd. maybe #one of those options is dependent upon me getting a scholarship that doesnt seem likely. but still an option #so i dont think ill really find anything else thats perfect. so i should just focus on applications #but thats so terrifying. bc like what if they dont want me :'( im tempted to apply to 2 programs at the same school just bc i kinda really #want to get in there. but also i havent looked at the application fee yet and i dont wanna spend like an extra fee if i can get into the #program i actually want. ugh. and then theres actually writing thr statement of purpose rip #like idk what it is abt writing abt myself but its so exhausting. i think maybe its bc i lived it so im just like. ugh. boring! let me #blabber on abt things i like. let me be weird. let me break the format of what im supposed to do #let me be a freak >:-[ and obviously its all gotta be done in non work hours. so thst extends the hours im doing productive stuff in a way #thats exhausting. blah and i have to have 2 Manuscripts ready to submit by November 1. ugh. it would b easier #if i could just sit down and write and not just bounce around between tasks and not get things done #annoying. but allas. here we r. by December 1 everything should be submitted and then i just have to hope and prey they want me #then i just have to fugure out how and when im moving across either the country or to a different country #rip. at least ill have the summer to maybe chill? bc my employment ends after spring and my parents said i coulf hang with them #and maybe take a trip to Greece? Maybe? that'd be pretty sweet. idk well see whst happens #ugh. academia why! #i need to pray to the writing gods to grant me strength and focus. or the writing demons. whoever is more willing to help #unrelated

[bitchfendi]

if i graduate its over for you motherfuckers

#if i graduate that means ill have more time to write whatever i want #like yeah writing about some ocs is fun but i would also like to write something else #if ya kno wat im sayin #ive also gotten really into splatoon but not like lore wise #im into splatoon the way dudebros are into every fps #lets see what else #i wanna draw but my mom is next to me and drawing in front of her idk me da vergüenza #ugh can it be tomorrow already i wanna smoke some zaza #im boreeed #.-. #i havent played nss in a while but im still burnt out on it #i havent played anyother game besides taiko and splatoon actually #honestly i dont know what to do after i finish school like i was thinking of going to a temp agency and finding an office job #the dream is to work for a game company but thats just a dream and i gave up on my dreams a long time ago #its funny bc my profs would talk about the publishing world n selling their stories and im like #lol im not gonna be writing books im only in the program cuz 1. i didnt do the remedial math class bc that shit costed money and #b. i wouldve been miserable in anyother program so #if you made it this far in my tag ramble congrats #you found him: 🐀

[kraniumet]

liiiike being so brave about almost not letting this get to me lmao. naturally inclined sucker.

#nooo haha you see this isn’t even a real thing. well okay some outlier maybe would but everybody else would think they were being an #asshole. don’t you see we’re not so different you and i. #noooooo youre so sexy don’t bring poverty food into this we have a geographical centuries of food shortages alibi for that. aaaand we agree #it does suck everybody eats pokeh and burritos and falafel and bao now that we have the produce for it because we kno- säpo. engage sniper #wait. what did that italian fascist say about us. glass houses <- finding an excuse for justified anger #i promiseeeee i can take a joke it’s just that people think this is real and are basing whole theories #about inherent evilness and while i agree there is a permeating evil in swedish culture (eugenics #racism corruption that we pretend isn’t corruption) its not inherent because nothing i- <- killed by smooth shark #*guy who is letting it get to them* #maybe ill post my one serious post about it and then ill kms

[oc-cinematic-universe]

i'm thinking about aiden and eden sibling moments so hard i'm going to fucking sob

#THEY'RE FUCKIGGN. SIBLINGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #they're not really siblings but they grew up together and see each other as siblings so it's close enough yknow #aiden introduces eden to people as their sister eden introduces aiden to people as her sibling it's just how it goes #and they've been there for so much #their lives sure haven't been easy and before the gamer club the only people they have left is each other #and eden finds the gamer club and signs up and tries so hard to get aiden to show up too #and it's... good. it's not perfect but nowhere ever is. this is kinda nice at least #finally a group of people that won't expect aiden to do anything too strenuous (which they cannot do)(they are chronically ill) #(they will get into coughing fits)(they are not healthy) #and aiden even brings home a new friend one day! A Fucking Demon Prince but a new friend all the same <3 #and their home's starting to feel more lived in and lively and it's not just them anymore! #and then aiden dies #and nothing is ever the same #but eden . can't. express her feelings on it. aiden won't talk about it and gets viscerally uncomfortable when it comes up #the only person who will let her cry is reverie. who slowly distances her away from everyone else #and then eden and aiden don't talk anymore. #and eventually they are alone again but they don't even have each other. #and it's never going to back to what it was but. ....they can still try #what if i cried #text #in a manor of speaking #aiden #eden

[yongseungkim]

.

#think my feelings'll have to come to an end soon #but idk why im so reluctant to do so..what im still holding on to.. #idk man #we are friends!! real good ones at that #and a year ago i never would have imagined!! #but ithink to me its clear from her end that it was never anything more than that for her #even if sometimes for me i hoped and hoped #cant seem to let go of that hope completely #even though im thankful in so many ways like #i cant seem to convince myself right now this is enough #im like #being mentally not ill is so hard too cuz #i want to be like 'oh ofc it makes sense shes not interested in me who would be' #and its so easy to think that #and have that be the calming thought that shuts down delusion #its so much harder for me to say shes not into u but thats okay there might be someone else in the future #what that implies i have absolutely no fucking idea #i dont wanna do dating apps yall like #everything abt it feels so unappealing #i actually genuinely wanna go down the friends to lovers route but god is it so painful. #and seeing how successful ive been in making friends thus far uhh... #finding someone else to kinda even start being attached to that isnt her in a non platonic sense is hard #like w her the feelings too are just very deep #there are casual crush moments here and there for sure i think but nothing thats quite felt like this #and it kinda sucks lol #how are you supposed to find someone #i also wanna. be okay with. not finding someone #and god for the longest time in my life i was okay with that but now im not and its so unfamiliar and idk how to reconcile it #honestly i wanna be someones go to person #but no one wants to be that for me i think so ive been trying to become that person for myself but

[isildheir]

Honestly, my abuser saying Louis was just as bad as Lestat or basically implying they hate how people write Lestat off as more abusive than he is or that Louis was just as abusive was a red flag I should've put a lot more stock into.

#The guy was Empathizing with a capital E. #God hold me back cuz I LAUGH at them. Abuser all weh u..abused me..cuz...u called me stupid and annoying when I wouldn't let u leave me #after ur 30239929292th attempt #Youre abusive cuz...u made me feel so unloved when you kept trying to leave me! :'((( #LMAOAOOA yeah if thats abuse then slap my ass and call me sally cuz ill always try to leave you #You fuckin insane psychopath. constantly putting damn words in my mouth and telling ME what i ACTUALLY mean #you dont care about anything i have to say. you need to be the one slighted to justify why you feel so offended 24/7. #dude u wanna be a fucking victim so bad then fuckin be my guest u fuckin miserable sick sad sack of absolute dog shit #always calling me a liar and putting me on the podium to state my case infinite times till you hammered me into gaslighting myself #to support your interpretation. go to hell. #you are chronically miserable for a reason. and you will NEVER find reprieve in that. EVER. just as you deserve. #YOU made me start therapy because of the CONSTANT confusion and emotional trauma i endured with you. #YOU made me cry all the time at work. #YOU gave me chest pains and difficulty breathing. just seeing YOUR DAMN NAME on my phone gave me panic attacks #YOU did so much FUCKED UP SHIT to me and you NEVER ACCEPTED ANY REALITY BUT ME HURTING YOU ON PURPOSE #you literally tell me 24/7 i dont care about you and i would drop THOUSANDS of dollars on you #AND FUCKIN WATCH UR SHOWS 3 TIMES IN A ROW #AND CALL AND TEXT U EVERY NIGHT. SIT AND HELP YOU PREP FOR JOB INTERVIEWS. #I DREW UR DAMN OC SO OFTEN HE PRACTICALLY BECAME MY MOST DRAWN CHARACTER #I DID SO MUCH TO SHOW U I CARED. BE IT GIFTS. MONEY. BE IT TIME. BE IT HELPING IN #UR VTUBING CAREER U WANTED TO START. #BE IT SPENDING NIGHTS SOMETIMES TILL 6AM JUST MAKING SURE YOU'RE OKAY. #I JUST. DID. SO. FUCKING. MUCH. IT WAS NEVER ENOUGH FOR YOU. I HOPE YOU DIE. SUFFER. BURN IN HELL. #I HATE YOU. I HATE YOU. I WILL NEVER STOP HATING YOU. #I GAVE YOU SO MUCH. I WAS HAPPY TO TOO. WHAT A FOOL I WAS. NOTHING I DID WAS EVER ENOUGH. YOU ALWAYS HAD TO FUCKIN COMPARE #OR GET JEALOUS WHEN I SPENT ONE SECOND WITH ANYONE ELSE #U NEEDED TO GRILL ME FOR EVERYTHING #ASK WHO I WAS WITH #NEEDED TO KNOW WHAT I WAS DOING JUST IN CASE IT WAS SOMEONE YOU DIDNT LIKE #UR FUCKIN ABSURD. UR INSANE. ROT IN HELL. FUCKIN GET TORN APART DOWN THERE. I HOPE YOU SUFFER. I WANT TO WATCH. I WILL LAUGH.

[maccreadysbaby]

Some of My Favorite Ways to Describe a Character Who’s Sick

pressing their forehead into something cool or comfortable (this could be an array of things. the table, the floor, someones leather jacket, their water bottle, the countertop)

warm to the touch, or heat radiating from them (could be noticed if someone’s gauging their temperature with their hands, hugging them, or just generally touching them)

leaning into people’s touch, or just spontaneously leaning on them (like pressing into their hand when someone’s checking their temp, or just, like, literally walking up and laying their head on them from fatigue. bonus points if the character is usually feral and the other is scared to engage™︎)

falling asleep all over the place (at the dinner table, on their homework, in the car, in the bathroom — just being so exhausted from doing literally nothing)

being overly emotional (crying over things that don’t usually bother them, like their siblings arguing, or their homework, or literally just nothing)

stumbling/careening/staggering into things (the wall, furniture, other people. there is no coordination in feverish brains. running into chairs, hitting the door, falling over the couch, anything and everything)

slurring their words (could be from fatigue or pain. connecting words that shouldn’t be connected, murdering all of their conversations with the excessive use of ‘mm’ and ‘nn’ in place of words) (this is my favorite thing ever)

being overly touchy (basically like a sick kid — just hold them, please. do that thing where you brush their hair back out of their face, or rub circles on their back, or snuggle them. they won’t care. bonus points if this is also the feral character and they refuse to believe it afterwards)

being extremely resistant to touch (flinching away when they usually don’t so someone can’t feel the fever, not letting themselves be touched because they’re so tired they just know they’ll be putty in their hands if they do)

growing aggressive or being extremely rude (it’s a defense mechanism — they feel vulnerable and are afraid of being manipulated or deceived while they’re ill)

whimpering/whining/groaning (this was in my “characters in pain” post but it’s so good that i’m putting it here too. this shite is gold, especially if it’s just an involuntary reaction to their symptoms)

having nightmares caused by a fever and/or delirium (crying and murmuring in their sleep, or being awake but completely out of it and convinced they’re somewhere else)

making themselves as small as possible (curling up into a ball everywhere they lay, hunching over slightly when standing, wrapping their arms around themselves)

TW for vomiting below cut !!

sleeping in the bathroom floor because they keep getting sick over and over (bonus if someone finds them all weak and pitiful. bonus bonus if they find them there in the morning only to learn they’ve been there all night)

using their hands/other body parts to clamp over their mouth so nothing can come out (like pulling their knees up to their chest and using that, or like, their arm, y’know) (~maccreadysbaby who has emetophobia suddenly gets very awkward about this post~) (~yes i have a phobia of puke and still write this happening to my characters, shut up~) (~it’s about the hurt/comfort okay~)

sympathy pukers (people who aren’t the sick ones but get nauseous/vomit when they see someone else throw up) (~aka me~) (~okay I’m done now~)

dry heaving (it’s gross, but good for making your characters absolutely freaking miserable)

rolling/churning/spinning/cramping/ lurching and all those awesome words that describe what stomachs do when sick (i hate these words with a deep, fiery passion. but they’re good for writing or whatever)

#writing angst #creative writing #writing #writers #writerscommunity #writers on tumblr #writeblr #writing tips #writing help #word bank

[snekdood]

i never get satisfaction out of winning. i dont like making other people feel lesser than. the short lived pride i have in myself for being so good at whatever doesnt matter to me when i look over at someone whos bummed about not winning. its such an unnecessary way to stroke my own ego.

I especially hate it when my lifes on the line, that its either win or die, and even the people who want me dead I dont like feeling "better than". none of it had to come to this. but what am i supposed to do when its someone else starting shit and I have no choice? am I just supposed to let myself die bc letting someone else feel like shit, someone i hate even, still doesnt feel good? It's a choice I dont want to make, but theres nothing else I can do.

#i dont even like seeing it this way but this is the way they've set it up and how they see it. #its not like im gonna be happy exactly when ppl find out im right. ill be happy that ppl finally realize im telling the truth #but im not gonna be happy about what happens to my abuser after. #they're just gonna go through the same shit I did and probably end up homeless or some shit #and they'll never be given the ability or chance to change and grow bc ppl online dont allow that grace 1 #but 2 bc our countries system doesnt give a fuck about poor ppl let alone homeless ppl. #and if everyone who likes them decided they hate them now bc they finally see who they are- #theyre basically just gonna be left to die. and I hate that. I hate the type of people who let that shit happen bc they hate whoever. #its sadistic and evil honestly. and I think a lot of ppl on here are just that. I hate to feel that way but dawg how tf else am I supposed #to feel when its clear plenty of yall get off on ppls suffering #my abuser knows all this which is why they fight so hard to maintain their image. #the problem is theyre just surrounding themselves with the wrong ppl who would drop them even at the slightest disagreement or whatever #i dont even think they've realized how shaky of ground they've built themselves up on #like. do you want ppl to love you for who you are or who you pretend to be? #bc I promise there will still be ppl who love you in spite of everything. even if most ppl dropped you. #human cruelty knows no bounds but so does human empathy.

[toastsnaffler]

my flatmate just got bg3 I feel like the only person in the worrrrld not playing it

#i dont usually play that sort of game but u guys are having so much fun over there...... #but I cant justify the price tag + dont rly wanna go thru the hassle of pirating it so ill just sit here and enjoy ur gifsets #maybe I can convince her to let me sit and watch her play some... #she said she could lend me her copy when shes done but I feel like the buzz will have died down by then #and if shes moved on from playing it then it wont be as fun to talk abt #its okkkk maybe i should start another new game tho instead to make up for it hrmm #ive been rly struggling to like *carmy voice* do things for enjoyment or amusement lately #but idrk what will fix that. my period starting hopefullt #aaanyway. #excited for her hehe. she aced her interview btw but she did too well and they told her she was overqualified + would find it boring #we have literal opposite problems.... shes got another one next week tho so fingers crossed #not 2 overshare abt someone elses life lol #aight imma go see if the waters heated up enough to shower byeee #.diaries

[inkskinned]

it's just that there's a few more steps you have to take that other people don't have to take, but they don't see the steps, so they think you should be able to hop from moment to moment, a chickadee.

it isn't getting out of bed. it is the weight, the hook in your chest, the anchor. you have to move the anchor first. you have to silence your alarm, but your phone is in your hand, which means now you have to put the phone down, which is too-hard. you get stuck in there for a while, the white screen, mindlessly scrolling. you don't even like this activity, have tried a few other options but - here you are, and time is passing.

you've googled iron deficiency causes depression and if i drink enough water does it help with mental illness and anxiety but no caffiene within the last two weeks, like how you googled am i gay quiz at 17.

it isn't just calling the doctor back, it's the anxiety, it's these little moths in your lung cavities, furious and fluttering. you need to figure out how to capture your fingers from between their nervous bodies. you are an adult, you can say the words yes hi, i'm calling because i need - but you need to practice first. maybe write it down because what if you misspeak, wouldn't that be embarrassing. write it down, but you need to find a pen first. well, actually, your desk is kind of messy. you should get a new pen. you should get a new organizational system. you should try journaling.

your grades in school were always strange. the way teachers would say things like it feels like you're not trying. you could touch stars in the stuff you cared about. well, sometimes. god be willing. homework average zero. oops! your english teacher's wrinkled brow: i know you know this stuff. what the fuck are you doing?

it isn't the showering, it's the mirror before the shower and the soft horrible pull of your naked physique. you have to avoid eye contact completely or else it'll be 93 minutes later and you'll have picked at your skin until every little pore is bleeding. you have to stand up but standing is tiring and also you should have remembered to buy more soap but you never remember anything. maybe get out of the shower and while it's still running and you're still dripping wet, use your phone to take a note. make a note to get your groceries. let the shower run while you stand half-in half-out and get lost in your phone for a moment. come back out when the water runs cold and now you have to sprint to get ready.

your grandmother's frown. you're just being lazy. protestant work ethics in a house that isn't even protestant. she says she just learned different but she means learned better, doesn't she.

it's not that you can't send the email, it's that your hands have been hurting lately and the desk really is messy and also why the fuck would you even care about this thing? doesn't everyone else feel like they're drowning? hi brendon thanks so much for sending! will review and get back to you shortly. but now you're on the internet, close the tab with tumblr on it. go on, close it. feel the little soft vapor of boredom come up and over your eyeteeth and make everything overwhelming and itchy.

literally all you have to do is put on shoes to go outside. you're literally already dressed, that's the hard part of this whole thing. literally just put the shoes on. just... do it! do it! this shit is easy!

it's literally that easy. just stop taking all those stupid invisible steps. stop following your strange made-up rules. times like this, even you're positive you're faking. you just don't want to bother with the cleaning and the cooking and the being-an-adult.

but then - shouldn't you be able to put these stupid shoes on? nobody's even looking. go on kid. life is out there! just take the leap!

get moving.

#spilled ink #writeblr #warm up

[salsa-di-pomodoro]

IGNORE THIS; I AM JUST HAVING A CRISIS. WILL BE FINE TOMORROW

Emmet doesn't care whether Ingo lives or dies -ingo needs a kidney and Emmet is the only one who can give it- Emmet is informed- there is no one who is Ingo's new family - Emmet doesn't have to do this for anyone but Ingo - Emmet is a good person or tries to be- Emmet is aware that he is the only person that will be able to care of Ingo dies and he doesn't care - Emmet is aware that he is the only one who can help Ingo - they ask him if he'd like to donate his kidney and he doesn't want to but if he doesn't care then he can give it - Emmet donates kidney - Ingo lives - they do not speak again but they part knowing the other would help them out

#hed be just like alright fine ill do it just because it changes nothing for me #ingo would want to libe and emmet doesnt care #so the only person that cares would be Ingo and in the end there is no one else that would say the opposite so emmet has reason to let Ingo #live because ingo himself would want to live and no one wants him to die and if he doesn't care then someone wanting to live while no one #wants them to die is reason enough to save them #please for the love of god let me be done with this thing #ignore this if you somehow see it by the way i am trying to get the ocd obsession out of my system #he would do this even if he thought ingo didn't deserve it because again he wouldnt let someone die #even if they didnt deserve a second chance at life if they asked and no one cared to deny them and he could deliver he would do it. even #if he hated them personally #because if they arent hurting other people actively he'll help them out anyway despite his own feelings #he might feel it is unfair but he would still do it. he would be very vocal about the unfairness and his hatred though #he would let them know he is better than them as he should #ok enough now i do not think about anything like this anymore or i'll start all over again and find some imaginary flaw that isnt there and #start spiraling again #this is true #what i said in this post and tags is true because there is literally no other way things would make sense to go #any other way would be literally out of character and therefore cant be true #please for the love of god brain let me stop here is nothing else to think about this is over this is true and #and there is no fault in the thought process #if anyone was the only person to be able to help someone hated or not they would help if they were the only one to hate them even if no one #loved them #and if they dont the personality they have is drastically different from the ones ingo and emmet have so again it would be ooc #ENOUGH NOW.