#last years exchange is still one of my favorite pieces I've made | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

finchy4077 · 15 days

Note

MASH asks :D

* what’s one of your favourite m*a*s*h episodes & why? —"Deal Me Out" is the ultimate comfort episode for me. Every line hits, every transition is flawless, Sidney and Sam are a fucking lethal combination. It gets my brain buzzing about headcanons—it's a more subtle "Hawkeye is having one of his depressive lows" episode where his lethargy is clicked on almost the whole time, I'm fascinated by how comfortably Hawk and Sidney interact even though this is supposedly one of Sidney's first few times being there, etc. Shout out also to "Crisis" and "Your Hit Parade" for being other frequent comfort watches.

* who’s your favourite character? who’s the character you relate most to? why? —Ahh, BJ is the ultimate favorite as well as the one I relate to the most. Unfortunately for him, I imprinted on him and Peg and their relationship during one of the worst periods of my life where I saw a lot of what I was experiencing at the time in both of them, and it gave me a safe place to hunker down and process everything so that I could emerge from that period far better than I was when I went in. He can't escape now. There's no use, I've locked all the doors.

* what’s one of your favourite head-canons? —Oh man. I have extremely unique interpretations of a lot of the characters as compared to fanon, and I own that, so a lot of my headcanons are nowhere near universal :) I'll say the one I came up with that got me most out of my mind was Sidney spending a year as a visiting psychiatry professor while Hawk was in med school, and them initially meeting that way (purely based on Hawk's joking comment in Edwina of "According to my three psychology classes, two of which I cut..." and me going "Hmm, I wonder what made that third class different enough that you stuck around.").

* what’s your favourite ship/ships? —Anybody who knows anything about me knows that I am the resident I Ship Everything loudmouth, and I am on a quest to write it all to boot, so this is the most evil question you could ask me. If I have to sum it up, my top ship is BJ/Peg/Hawk, my guilty pleasure ship is BJ/Peg/Hawk/Trap, and the runners-up are BJ/Margaret, BJ/Sidney, Sidney/Sam, Trapper/Margaret/Hawkeye, BJ/Leo—you know what, really any BJ/Character ship, but add Hawkeye to it as well. I am not much one for monogamy, as we see haha.

* what’s your favourite m*a*s*h fanfic? —Anything at all by my friend Canon. "With All My Cynical Heart" is a Trapper/Hawk that has become my preferred idea of when the two of them first hook up. I always have to give a shout out to "a crash course in fellatio on the edge of a mine field" because it was my first Sidney/BJ fic I read, it made an entire fic universe spawn in my head, and it was also one of the first times we connected one-on-one over something so exciting to us. And of course if someone is a Sidney/Hawkeye enjoyer and they have NOT read "Insanity in the service of health," they are missing out on an incredible magnum opus.

* what’s your favourite piece of m*a*s*h fan art? —I am biased because @saltseashark has done some incredible sketches of moments from my fics or just little ideas that bubbled up out of my head!! This is one from one of my BJ/Leo fics, for example; as soon as I saw it, I wanted to chew a hole through my wall. But also a wonderful friend drew me a multi-page BJ/Sidney/Hawkeye comic for a holiday exchange last year and I cried very real tears over it. I'm still kind of jealously guarding the whole thing close to my chest just for me right now, but I posted a page of it here. It's fucking gorgeous.

* have you met/had correspondence with/received a letter from any of the cast? —Extremely well-timed question because I just mailed off a letter to Mike on Monday. Help. But I needed him to know the role he played in getting me through that aforementioned difficult period, so I wouldn't have forgiven myself if I didn't send it :) The mortifying ordeal of being known, etc. Thanks for these questions!! They were super fun!

AAAH! i’m so sorry i didn’t see this until now!

- i LOVE sidney!!! i see why ‘deal me out’ is a favourite. i’m in the midst of a rewatch so i only vaguely remember “your hit parade” but i’m excited to see it again :’)))

- BEEJ!!!!! oh how i love that cheesy mustache <333 m*a*s*h has definitely gotten me through some really difficult times too, there’s something comforting about a character you love dealing with something you’ve also dealt with. i’m glad they’ve been a comfort. (hawkeye’s had some troubles with his ol noggin similar in vein to what i’ve experienced and i think that’s why tragic funny man has imprinted himself on my heart).

- that headcanon would make a lot of sense given how familiarly and comfortably they interact from very early on in the series - it’s not a headcanon i’ve heard before but it’s one that i like & makes sense to my brain 👀

- honestly i really think given the nature of war & intensity of everyone’s experience at the 4077th, monogamy doesn’t make as much contextual sense to me - how could you not be so incredibly bonded to each other through that experience? and in the same light, that experience doesn’t take away from the love you have with others/back home/etc. bj/hawk/peg is a perfect example of that for me <33

- thank you so much i’m going to add these to my read list, i’m especially excited for insanity in the service of health - sidney/hawkeye has really grown on me. ALSO?!? such beautiful artwork!!!!

- well i hope the mortifying ordeal of being known turns into the delight of being seen, and that you hear back from mike!!

(random sidenote… before i found mashblr, i was on ao3 reading A Lot of fanfic. you are honestly my favourite writer. i got so excited checking back every sunday! midnight trepidations, hell the whole of some things are evergreen has my heart and soul! i’m excited to see where you take it <333 )

4 notes · View notes

oh-stars · 26 days

Text

Writing Stats - Quarter 1, 2024

I've always wanted to track how much I write every day. It's my favorite thing about Nanowrimo and Camp Nano is the tracking and seeing my progress in numbers rather than pages. Last December, @sparkstar-trash and I decided to do a mini Nano between the two of us from December 11th to January 14th. It was kind of a success, kind of a fail on both ends, but it did spark (no pun intended) a love for this spreadsheet I had made.

All that to say, I've been keeping track of my writing stats this year and decided that I would do updates every three months (mostly for myself so it doesn't overwhelm me in the end) to see how things change.

Below the cut, you can see everything and how I kept track of things!

I'm participating/participated in quite a few events this year so far. This first quarter, I've been working on: Steddie Love Month, Stobin Month, Steddie Omegaverse Valentine's Day Exchange, Stranger Things Reverse Big Bang, and Stranger Things Big Bang.

I also decided to embark on a 90 Day Posting Challenge to help encourage me to write daily and to make shorter pieces. It's been really fun so far and helped me accept that not everything needs to be perfect to be fun and post. Posting started February 1st, so I'm on day 61 of the challenge today!

January

Word Count Total for Month: 43,726

Average Words Per Day: 1,286

Average Words Per Week: 8,745

Highest Word Count in One Day: 6,377

Total Fics Worked On: 22

Fics Completed: 17

Days Written: 23/31 or 74.19%

February

Word Count Total for Month: 43,819

Average Words Per Day: 1,288

Average Words Per Week: 8,763

Highest Word Count in One Day: 4,775

Total Fics Worked On: 29

Fics Completed: 24

Days Written: 29 or 100%

March

Word Count Total for Month: 39,405

Average Words Per Day: 1,158

Average Words Per Week: 7,881

Highest Word Count in One Day: 4,464

Total Fics Worked On: 35

Fics Completed: 32

Days Written: 31 or 100%

Quarter Total

Word Count Total for Quarter: 126,950

Average Words Per Day: 1,244

Average Words Per Week: 8,463

Total Fics Worked On: 78

Fics Completed: 74

Days Written: 83 or 91% from the last three months, 22% for year

Longest Writing Streak: 64

Total in Writing Streak: 95,484

Thoughts:

Keeping track of my stats really motivated me to keep writing every day, even when I didn't want to. The monthly prompts and 90 Day challenge have gotten me into a really good habit of writing every day, no matter what, with smaller goals like the prompts being great starters for the fics I'm working on.

March was really tough and I lost a lot of writing time, so I'm pretty impressed I got as much as I did. Things have changed drastically in my life since I started this, which is so weird after three years of consistency, so trying to find this new balance is, well, a challenge. If it wasn't for @lady-lostmind and the Stobin Month prompts, I don't think I would have stuck with writing through my bad days like I did. And for full transparency, there are a few days where I wrote under 10 words that day, but they're still 10 more than I had and I sat down and tried to write. The intention was there, so it counts.

Either way, I'm really proud of myself for getting to this point, I have so many fics I'm working on or have planned and I hope the next quarter is as fulfilling as this last one has been.

Thanks to all of you who have read, liked, reblogged, kudos, commented, bookmarked, and rec'd my work. From vocal to silent readers, you've all cheerleaded me into where I am now and I'm really thankful to be in this position.

Now off to more sprints to see if I can't beat these numbers for the next quarter.

#ohstars fic #writing stats #personal #writing #fic #creative writing #writer stuff

4 notes · View notes

tortoisesshells · 4 months

Note

2023 year in review fic writer asks: 1, 4, 18. and 26! <3

What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year? How did it turn out and would you do it again?

There's a scrapped version of chapter 30 of Customs and Duties where Nellie and Norrington fucked, which required a not completely improbable sequence of events - and also Nellie (who has, while notably more impulsive when feeling cornered, been pretty aware of what constitutes her best interests) to risk getting (1) knocked up, (2) outside of marriage, (3) in Boston, in 1739, (4) to a man who still has the power of life and death over her if and when she ever fesses up to that time she accidentally caused the death of one of his officers and even if they're getting along very well - well. Annoyingly, even though that version of the chapter didn't make it to publication, there was some good characterization in there, chiefly: “– Or I will retaliate. You’re only human, too.” “I don’t think I am,” he said, and then, when she must have made a face, “I mean ticklish, Nellie.” That was easily tested, at least – and though she ought to have been pinning the bodice of her gown back together, and though (she reminded herself) she was too old and serious to be acting like a girl – she lunged, and got her hands under his still-untucked shirt before he could stop her. Not that he made a sincere effort at it: he was too busy schooling his expression into complete neutrality.

“I know you,” she huffed, after she could see him biting down his laughter, “Don’t put that on with me to prove a point.”

“You were saying I enjoy coming out the victor, earlier.” “You’re a marvel of nature. That which you do that should irritate me somehow becomes irritatingly endearing.”

4. What piece of media inspired you the most?

By sheer volume (and word count!), it was 1899 - I even did my first proper fic exchange for it! I suppose all that rage about it getting shitcanned for spurious reasons by Netflix was good for something.

18. What was the hardest fic to title?

I mostly wrote little ficlets this year, and those are always pretty easy to title for whatever reason; I think it's got to be labor, And the infinite separate houses - It was long, hefty, and I still have no clear feeling for titling things for Dark Shadows. I picked a quote from Whitman on a fairly tenuous association (main character associated with lilac perfume - gave her a lilac-embroidered kerchief as a fetch-quest - aha! "When Lilacs Last in the Dooryard Bloom'd"!). It wasn't perfect, but it did the job.

26. If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

Truthfully, 2023 was more of a winter of discontents for writing, but I am genuinely happy with how ch. 29 of Customs turned out. The stargazing section may be my favorite thing I've written in a while!

End of Year Fic Writer Asks

#ask meme #polkaknox talks #my fic #... sorta #customs and duties

5 notes · View notes

fromriches-tosin · 4 months

Note

For the Fanfic Wrapped Ask Game:

🤩,💖, 📚 and 😍 !

🤩 What's your favorite fic you posted this year?

I love all of them, but looking back at this year, I think I like My Best Enemy the most (although Never Let Me Go is probably the most well-written one). I had loads of fun writing it; I still think the idea of Jean staying behind in Marley is awesome, the plot came to me with no effort at all, and it was my first attempt at writing smut as well. Also, I was working on the last chapter at a tattoo studio while waiting for my appointment – which is very funny in retrospect.

💖 Was there a comment or another piece of feedback that made you feel all the warm and fuzzies?

Honestly, I'm blown away by the feedback I've gotten. I would probably have to mention each and every comment here because they all made my heart flutter. Every time someone told me I had turned them into a ReiJean fan, every time someone mentioned that my fic had made them feel better after a shitty day, every time someone confessed I had made them cry, every time someone took their precious time to write a whole chapter analysis, going over all the little details... I appreciate it so, so much.

📚 How many wips are you taking into 2024?

So... many. Battle Tendency is my main project at the moment, but I really want to write five short stories for the upcoming ReiJean Week (I hope I will be able to do that, I've already started working on them). Aside from those, I have that one dark WIP centered around the idea of the Alliance failing to stop Eren. I also want to write a longer post-Rumbling fic about Jean and Reiner slowly getting together (while trying not to get killed by assassins from Paradis). Last week I came up with an idea of a canon divergence AU where Eren and Mikasa escape from Marley together, and Paradis gets destroyed as a result (Jean survives thanks to my magic, obviously). I've already promised someone I'd write a sequel to One Night in Marley. I also had a request for an ABO-themed fic, although I'd like to take a rather unusual approach to it. And then there are several smaller WIPs I have mentioned on the blog before (the mafia/coffee shop AU, the Attack on School Castes-inspired one etc.). Basically, I have outlines for those stories, but I'm afraid I won't have enough time for all of them in 2024.

😍 What's one of your favorite lines or exchanges you wrote this year?

I'm fond of quite a few exchanges between Jean and Reiner, but the one that came to my mind now is from My Best Enemy – when Reiner and Jean are fighting for the first time, and Reiner berates Jean for his involvement in the Raid on Liberio:

“I don’t care if guilty conscience drives you mad or if you drown in your grief, but I will make sure that you don’t give your life for Eren.” Reiner keeps talking over him, all collected again. “I want you to live long enough to see past all of this. I will not let go of that kid who showed mercy to a monster in Shiganshina. I will not forsake the kid who had a heart big enough to save my life even when death was all I deserved. I want that kid back.”

Thank you!! 💜💜

Fanfic Wrapped Ask Game

#thanks for the ask ✨

5 notes · View notes

undreaming-fanfiction · 1 year

Text

Get to know me

You know what guys? I've decided you're getting to know me (questions from this lovely post, please go give it some love), ready or not.

Tagging my moots (still thinking of Pingu going moot moot, sue me) if you'd like to exchange a few pieces of useless information :) No pressure. Also consider this a tag if you're not included, I love reading random info about you guys! @unclewaynemunson @steveshairychestychest @stevesbipanic @thelastwalkingsoul @skeliiix @strawberryspence @thefreakandthehair @henderdads @hoples

1. First celebrity crush *snorts* Um, okay. I will just say that Jerome Pradon's performance as Judas in Jesus Christ Superstar from 2000 made the young me weak in her knees. Also Toby Maguire as Spider-Man.

2. Do you work out/sport? Constantly trying. Starting a healthy regime, getting sick in 3-4 weeks because my immunity sucks and back to the round little old me. Do you know what happened during the last year I started frequently exercising? I broke my leg, then had a sinus infection, then had an inflammation in my heel and couldn't walk, now getting through another sinus infection. Heathy is my trademark. Not giving up though.

3. How popular were you in school? Ahahahahahahahahahahaha...let me say it this way: I fought well enough to earn respect. Had a few close friends. After primary school, I retained respect. And that's it.

4. Embarrassing moment My life before glasses was a constant embarrassing moment of waving back at people who waved at someone behind me.

5. Favorite actor and actress Apart from the obvious Stranger Things answers...I admire Keanu Reeves. Actress - Maggie Smith.

6. Little thing that makes you extremely happy Crazy pens. I have a massive collection of the craziest pens imaginable with bubble blowers, stamps, wobbly mermaid tails, boxing skeletons, you name it.

7. Song that made you cry because you related to it Remember Me from Coco. That one hit hard.

8. How often do you find yourself thinking about your life? A lot. Mostly to calm myself down. I'm in a better place than I've been for most of my life and I like to remind myself that things do get better. So let this be your reminder too.

9. Best toy you ever got as a kid This. I'd die for him. I still have him, although he's mostly fallen apart.

10. Do you express your emotions well? According to my friends, I'm quite transparent. People that don't know me find me scary, apparently I look very strict. My friends find it hilarious.

11. Are you happy with your height? I used to be unhappy, I'm fairly small (165 cm, my mom is 166 cm and that single missing cm HURTS), but now I'm making up for my lack of height with glaring at people. In words of a t-shirt I recently got - "Don't flatter yourself. I only look up to you because I'm short".

12. Are you a bottom or a top? I'm lazy, that's what I am. But switch, I guess?

13. Who makes you the happiest? There isn't a single person. My mom, my cats, my boyfriend, my wonderful friends (and that includes you, moots of mine). I'm very lucky.

14. Your nickname(s) Here? Undreaming. Most of my social media, Arakanga. At work, I'm The Mother of Ducks or The Duck Lady (apparently the nickname survived during the 19 months I worked another job).

15. Who do you feel completely comfortable with to be yourself? My boyfriend. He's just absolutely resistant to my bad moods. I tend to be very snappy and sarcastic when I'm tired. I remember exactly the moment I realized I didn't have to walk on eggshells with him - we were walking outside and he was speaking, but away from me (he was smoking and didn't want to blow smoke in my face). Instead of telling him politely to turn towards me, I snapped "BLAHBLAHBLAH WHAT????". He just smiled at me and said "you know, one of the things I love about you is that you never make me feel like an idiot". So there.

16. Does the way you laugh depends on who you’re with? Oh yup. I normally control myself quite well, but my friends can make me laugh so hard it sounds like I'm crying. Also if they surprise me with jokes I don't expect, I tend to snort/make a sound like a chicken clucking.

17. Secrets you told strangers, because you knew you’d never see them again. None. Because with my luck, that stranger would become my new boss or something.

18. Do you like or dislike surprises? Hm. Difficult. Small surprises, yes. Big surprises, not really. I'm always terrified I'll disappoint the person surprising me with my reaction.

19. In the evening, would you rather play a game, visit a relative, watch a movie, or read? Oooh. Shit. Difficult. Reading is always lovely and I have such a backlog of books. Gaming is a huge hobby of mine, so always. Watching movies is great and I always love visiting my mom. So maybe I can connect all 4 together. Visiting my mom and watching a movie with her, then reading or gaming before I go to sleep.

20. Pet peeves? SO MANY. People bouncing their legs. Loud chewing noises. Smacking lips. People who don't listen but just wait for their turn to speak. Monologues instead of dialogues. People who sit on the public transport and block the window seat. I'm a ray of fucking sunshine apparently.

21. Who would you want to be stranded with on a deserted island? Well, all the people I love I don't want to strand with me on a deserted island. My boyfriend sounds like a great choice though. He's domestic, loves gardening and cooks well. And he hasn't killed me in 5 years. So him I think, he needs the time off anyway.

22. Breakfast, lunch or dinner? Midnight snack.

23. You’re stranded on a deserted island and there’s a box, what’s in it? I hope a guide on how to survive on a deserted island, otherwise I'd be a) dead soon, b) very bored while dying.

24. What’s the best gift you got? There are a lot of thoughtful gifts I've got from my family and friends, but one of my favorite ones was a Sagittarius mug my dad got me. Also my amazing boyfriend and equally amazing friends got me a new recording microphone for my singing efforts.

25. Who do you buy random gifts for? Everyone. My boyfriend, my mom, my friends, my boss (who is also my friend), my co-workers. Always something tiny and silly. It's one of my love languages.

26. Do you sleep with a stuffed animal? Pffft. Yep. Lots. There's less space for me in my bed than for stuffed animals. My newest additions are two large dinosaurs, Steve (a T-Rex) and Eddie (a triceratops)

27. Have you had a secret admirer? No, thank god. It sounds nice, but I'm an anxious person and I like having clarity.

28. Are you a clean or messy person? On a range from 0 (clean) to 10 (messy), I'm about 28.

29. Shower or bath? Both, depending on the situation. Baths help my messed up back though, and one of my cats always stands guard so I don't drown. So...yup.

30. How would your friends describe you? Smart and the mom friend. Also dorky. Ask @hoples, she knows me IRL and the dorky part shows a lot. Oh, and also a menace. I'm the devil on your shoulder that says "buy it".

#undreaming answers #oversharing?#maybe #feeling guilty?#not at all

7 notes · View notes

omishu · 1 year

Note

1, 4, 11, 19 (I’m 90% sure you would, so WHAT would you paint them?), 24, 33, 43, 46, 48

So many questions and I don't remember what they were! Lol had to go back and look up the ask meme.

1. Who is/are [my] comfort characters?

Probably Luffy from One Piece. I have so many fond memories of my connection to him as I grew up with the series, same for Sakura from Card Captor.

4. Which cryptyd being do [I] believe in?

Tbh I believe in a lot of supernatural/mythological/fairytale creatures, but I don't think they exist in all the same ways that people usually imagine them.

11. Favorite extracurricular activity?

Probably hiking. I just really enjoy spending time in nature, but I don't do it nearly as much as I'd like (thanks, depression).

19. imagine we're at a sleepover, would [I] paint [your] nails?

Hell yeah! People keep buying me nail polish but I never use it on myself. I love giving makeovers though. It's the cosplayer in me. I've done some fun designs on people's nails before. For you, I'd probably do a cat theme with different little kitties in neutral colors on each nail. I just think that'd be fun to have and might make you smile to look down at your hands and see. (ofc Napoleon and Lewis would make appearances)

24. if we were together on a rooftop, what would we be doing?

I think we might each have a cup of warm cider and do plein air sketches of the sky or smth. And of course we'd talk about life and comfort each other and maybe laugh together. Maybe show each other recent pictures of interesting things we've done or seen recently. Just vibing.

33. the last adventure [I]'ve been on?

Well, my mom has been trying to drag me out of the house occasionally because y'know (depression). But recently we went out to this farm and stopped at every art gallery along the way. When we were on a main highway type back road (oxymoronic, I know), it was around lunch time and I saw a sign for a cafe detour. We pulled off and drove for a while through basically nothing and found a random tiny town. Little Washington has this fancy-ass inn that's like a 5-star hotel with a michelin star restaurant. The whole area is basically built up around this inn and has a bunch of art galleries and other little fun up-scale shops. It was so weird to find out in the middle of nowhere, and we'd never heard of it. But it was a pretty cool little place, even though it was kind of a ghost town when we were there.

43. what's [my] take on spicy foods? Hell yeah, BB!! I love 'em. One time when I was at a concert in high-school, a couple of my Korean friends made me some spicy ramen. Since then nothing really seems that spicy. But I love to get hot hot hot curry and wings. Now I'm craving spicy food, yummy.

46. Favorite holiday film?

Hm well we both know I love Klaus if we're talking about winter holidays. I feel like there are probably others that I like to watch every year, but I just love Klaus sm.

48. when did [I] first try an alcohol beverage?

I had a really awkward golden birthday (I turned 21 on the 21st) celebration, definitely one of the most disappointing and underwhelming. And I had never tried alcohol before I turned 21. My sister and I went to a winery for tastings, so I think that was probably my first wine. My first beer I split with a friend from my Japan-America cultural exchange group at a fancy sushi place after an obon matsuri at a local Buddhist temple, and I still haven't had a beer better than that one.

I think that's all of them! Hopefully these satiate your curiosity, my dear xoxo

3 notes · View notes

leighlew3 · 2 years

Note

now that the show is over and some time is slowly passing, are you willing to revisit the discussion about early show discussions about making Kara pansexual and how it veered away from that?

I mean... I've heard things but you never know what's true.

Look, I have a friend whose friend wrote for S1 under that predatory piece of shit AK, and she was so traumatized by the experience that she refuses to even discuss her time working on the show. So my friend who also watched the show and rooted for an LGBTQ Kara and SC Endgame and wanted to know WTF along with everyone else, rightfully wasn't about to push nor ask about what truly was planned or went on, because it just wouldn't be appropriate.

I also know somebody who is connected to AA's circle and I know AA went through a lot of bad and unfair shit as well. So you never know what plans people had, what long-term outlooks were in mind for characters, but starting off with a lesbian co-showrunner, and sapphic jokes and nods to Kara's possible sexuality multiple times in S1 ("Oh my God you're a lesbian." and Leslie saying she gave off sapphic butch vibes and Kara's comments about Lucy, etc) certainly hinted that she might've been meant to be bi/pan from the get by some. And rumors suggest that too. But maybe CBS got in the way?

And then when it landed on The CW, maybe someone hoped to try again with bringing in a favorite amongst wlw fandoms in the form of KMG, with an "LL" name and red/blue dynamic and her first episode having a Clois save recreation and testing chemistry and such with a 3-episode arc a la EBR on Arrow being hired for just one episode initially then recurring, then being made a regular and Oliver's romantic endgame. It sure seems like it was always something some people were aiming for -- especially after that confirmation from the S2-3 writer who openly wrote "Supercorp" into a script, wrote a scene after Mon-El was sent away where Cat tells Kara that love is still ahead for her and in walks Lena who asks Kara to dinner, and said on Twitter she "was always rooting for those two". But clearly those who rooted for it and tried for it were continuously fought and shut down by somebody... showrunners, networks, EPs, etc -- who knows. I believe even Chyler had mentioned being surprised that Alex would be the LGBTQ character for S2, and I think I read someplace that FL was cast a pretty last minute.

Meanwhile over the years, SG repeatedly lost or never locked down some of their best LGBTQ and SC-heavy writers. Did they simply move on? Were they let go for always fighting for SC? Or were they just sick of hitting walls on what was clearly the most organic path for Kara and Lena and the show, and grew tired of writing forced cheap imitation relationships between the two women and various men due to heteronormativity and homophobia and bts situations forced upon them by somebody above? Nobody knows.

So again, we can't know for certain what everyone's plans were until they reveal it themselves, if they ever even can or do. I do know other writers from the A'verse who fully saw and believed in SC and didn't understand nor agree with what the show did and why they never went there. To me, that tends to suggest it wasn't a DC/WB issue... because if was you'd think they'd know that. So it sounds -- at least to me -- like it was more of a showrunner or EP or network issue.

I will also say, I was shown a DM exchange between a S5-6 writer and a fan in S5 during the height of the writers room getting hammered with negative feedback and reviews where this writer hinted at creative conflict with showrunners and within the writer's room in general, and made it clear that some writers were in line with what fans wanted, but had people above them to answer to.

This also seems to be backed up with JF's recent interview where he stuttered through an answer on SC/queerbait, citing approvals from above being needed and so on, but never giving a direct answer on the issue. Obviously no one wants to break rank or risk future work by pointing any finger directly at any one person or company.

Look, perhaps one day we'll all find out the truth... until then, since Kara's sexuality was never defined as straight, since she slept with one man in the history of the show one time, but also seemed a bit taken by Lucy, openly flirted with Kate twice, had interesting chemistry with multiple women from Psi to Cat to Imra and more, and was established as being soulmates with Lena over the years with all the Clois and other romantic parallels and tropes and framing and the 100th (being mysterious "partners" in a universe where both weren't with others at all, and one could plead the 5th in court against having to testify against the other) and their heavily coded "coming out" discussion and "us against the world defending our family" vibe in the series finale, plus Kara looking Lena's direction while singing "we belong together" and looking/heading towards her after she took off her glasses and walked away, now her true self...

I think it's safe to assume via tons of subtext and even at times maintext in a way, that Kara was in fact pansexual, and Supercorp was truly endgame. So just take that "win" -- which in the year 2021 is an absurd and unacceptable consolation prize, alas...

It is what it is.

#supercorp

175 notes · View notes

pineau-noir · 2 years

Note

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖

Thank you Maddy, the two anons, and @phoebe-delia for this!

(I'm seriously trying so hard to resist the 'self love' joke. It wants to happen so much)

Anyway

I'm gonna do my favorite bits from five fics because I waffle between what I love and what I hate.

I'm also going to say it all under the cut because I hate my own long posts. Seeing/ reading one from someone else is great! But seeing my own makes my brain hate itself.

For my first fic, I have to go with Almost-but-not-quite and my favorite bit I've ever written.

One of the tears Draco has been resolutely refusing to set free slides down his cheek. And just like that, Draco’s calm breaks. He buries his face in his hands and lets out all of the anger, the grief, the terror of the last year and sobs in a small bed in the hospital wing of Hogwarts as his forty-year-old self watches.

This is like, minutes after the battle of Hogwarts ends and Draco has gotten up to some time turner shenanigans. I like it so much because I'm not a visual person, but I feel like that paragraph is so evocative

Next we have the bit from Peanut Butter Tater Tot that @ihopeyoubothstaysafefromharm quoted back to me and I was like, "oh that's good" then he reminded me that I wrote it. Whoops 😅

Harry laughs, showing off the deep lines around his eyes and mouth.

Smile lines, Draco knows suddenly. Harry Potter, the boy who lived, a child soldier, has smiled enough that he wears the proof of it on his face.

I love that fic because I got to work with both @the-sinking-ship and @static-abyss and it was for @caroll-in and I feel like it's such a fun piece, full of my favorite things: kids, Drarry, pets, my friends, and fluff

And now there's a small sequel for Joy, Peanut Butter Tater Tot's Big Day, which has no dialogue? And it was so much fun to write.

Next, I love A Very Tipsy Christmas, that I wrote for 2020 Owl Post. It has some really silly dialogue

“That’s gross, mate,” Ron said, joining them in Draco’s corner.

“Why are you here?” Draco groaned.

“My house, innit?”

“Your mother’s house,” Draco retorted.

“No fighting at Christmas,” Harry interjected.

“No fighting at Christmas!” came several voices from across the room.

“Rule number one!” one of the twins yelled.

I love this because it has my other favorite things: drunk Draco, RONALD BILIUS WEASLEY, and weird family rules based on my mom's family. Rule number 1 is indeed no fighting. I forget what number 2 is, but rule number 3 is "no skateboarding at the filling station." My family is loud, large, and ginger so I really relate to the Weasleys.

Also I made Fred live (thanks Ana) and I got to use innit. All in all, love this bit

Next we have In Love With the Ferret, which, the response to that still blows me away. It's such a silly piece, but there's a really tender moment that I love so much

There’s no heat in the kiss. They’re both too tired and anxious. But it feels different from the few kisses they'd exchanged at the restaurant. Maybe it’s the fact that Draco’s sleep-mussed and soft, maybe it’s that Harry’s heart feels like it’s going to break if Draco goes home, alone, to be sad, but this kiss feels like coming home. Draco feels right in a way Harry’s never felt before. The kiss reminds Harry of lazy Sunday mornings with his friends, laughter in the slanting sunshine. It feels like everything Harry feels when he thinks of family. Harry sighs when it’s over and he feels Draco melt into his arms.

This was really the first time I had written real non-sexual intimacy and I still really like it. They've been on one date and then some auror business happened and they ended up spending the night together.

Also I feel like my Schitts Creek phase is really apparent in this bit, and I really like that

My last bit is not Drarry. It's Spideypool (Spiderman/Deadpool) and the fic isn't popular AT ALL, but it's so weird and funny and I feel like this bit is the funniest I'll every be.

Oh, and on review I saw I hadn't said this but, the fic is called I Need to Tell You Something and it has some of the cutest art!!!!

“But anyway Peter had an in with the Avengers. He was calling Tony Stark, Steve Rogers, and Bruce Banner his honorary uncles. It was like Three Men and a Baby if the baby had octopus tentacles and Steve Guttenberg turned into the Hulk.”

For some context, there are Peter's bits and Deadpool narrates (and breaks the fourth wall) here and there. Peter has tentacles as well as spider powers, because why not. (Also I wanted to write tentacle porn, because ALSO WHY NOT)

After Peter trashes his room, because of his brand new tentacles, he realizes he's can't live in Queens with Aunt May and Uncle Ben so he goes to live in Avengers Tower.

As a child of the 80s, picturing Steve Guttenberg turn into the Hulk, still makes me giggle wildly

So thank you all for letting me go through my fics and pick things I was really proud of! 😍❤😘🤩🥰

If you want to do this, go right ahead, I don't know if I'll lurk in people's inboxes, my kid is freaking out right now

#drarry #spideypool #ask #my writing

35 notes · View notes

jenohi · 3 years

Text

double take

PAIRING ▸ park jeongwoo x fem!reader

GENRES ▸ mutual pining, best friends-to-read it to find out, high school au, lacrosse au,

WARNINGS ▸ foul language, mild aggression(???)

SUMMARY ▸ when two friends start questioning the feelings they have for each other.

PLAYLIST ▸ double take by dhruv

WORD COUNT ▸ 4541 words

A/N ▸ Honestly, I'm not totally satisfied with this piece but I've been sitting on it for awhile and I would just rather publish it. I had many thoughts as I wrote this piece and at some point as I wrote I started to question if I picked the right member for this story. But I stand by my decision with the member I chose.

I could say I never dare

To think about you in that way

But, I would be lying

Jeongwoo was lost in thought as he walked back home from school. It was something he wasn’t used to doing alone but lately it was something that had been happening more and more often. But still he wasn’t able to shake the feeling and get used to it. Without your presence around, without his favorite person to bicker with, Jeongwoo found he had more time to think.

“Jeongwoo-ya!” Jaehyuk yelled. When Jeongwoo got home he was still lost deep in his thoughts, so lost that he hadn’t heard his brother call out to him at all. “Jeongwoo!” Jaehyuck yelled again, this time right into Jeongwoo’s ear. Jeongwoo flinched and poked his ear a few times to make sure he could still hear before he turned around to glare at his brother.

“What?”

“Are you good? I said hello when you came home and you just walked right past me in zombie-mode, I even offered you oreos.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

Jaehyuk gave his little brother a strange look, his eyes wide and mouth gaping open. He was surprised. “You’re even apologizing now? What’s gotten into you? Are you good?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I think.”

To anyone other than Jeongwoo, it was obvious that Jeongwoo was indeed not fine. “Cut the shit. Something’s on your mind, what’s wrong? Also where’s Y/N? I haven’t seen her in awhile, I feel like she used to always come back here with you.”

“Aish, I’m fine. Y/N? Well… I think she’s doing okay. Honestly, I haven’t seen her in like a few weeks. One day she told me not to wait up for her and so that day I didn’t. But the next day I did and the next day and the next day…” Jeongwoo said. He hadn’t realized that each day he had waited for you until he said it aloud. Why did he wait for you?

As if he could read Jeongwoo’s mind, Jaehyuk asked “why did you wait for her? Did she tell you to?”

“No, but we used to walk back together every day.” Jeongwoo paused, “I guess I just got used to it and expected things would go back to normal. She lives next door, we’ve been walking back together for years now.”

“How do you feel about it?” Jaehyuk asked, doing his best to contain his excitement and to stop himself from cheering like he was watching a soccer match. He’d been watching this budding relationship develop for years now. It seemed like his bone-headed baby brother was finally pulling his head out of his ass. His ship was taking off. Finally.

Jeongwoo paused. “I don’t know. How am I supposed to feel? We’re just friends right?”

“Right.” Jeongwoo could hear the snark in his brother’s voice as he turned around and walked into his room. “Maybe you should think about it a little bit more.”

“Think about what?” Jeongwoo asked, exasperated, now it felt like his own brother was acting weird too. Jeongwoo wanted to pull his hair out. He wanted his brother to stop asking him such cryptic questions, he wanted to ask his friend why she had suddenly stopped walking home with him, and he just wanted...he just wanted to go back to when things were normal.

“Jeongwoo. Tell me, have you ever thought of Y/N as anything other than a friend?” Jaehyuk said. Then he pondered it for a second. “Actually, you don’t even have to tell me. Tell yourself. Be totally honest.”

With that Jaehyuk disappeared behind the door to his room and Jeongwoo stood there once again in thought. He thought about the times you had spent walking back together, sharing stories, sharing secrets, and sharing songs. He thought about how vibrant and lovely you looked when you told him what crazy things had happened to you that day. The walks back home were so much more quiet without you.

To say he had never thought about you that way was...a lie.

And I pretend I'm happy for you

When you find some dude to take home

The next day of school Jeongwoo made up his mind to confront you about it. Okay, maybe not confront you about it but ask you if everything was okay. He found you sitting in your seat in the homeroom chatting away with your friends. Jeongwoo did his best to wipe his hands on his thighs as discreetly as possible before tapping on your shoulder.

You turned around, you could feel your eyebrows shoot up when you saw Jeongwoo standing there behind you. “Hey.”

“Hi, would you mind if I had a word with you really quickly?” Jeongwoo asked.

“No, not at all. Let’s go out in the hallway.” You said, getting up from your seat and smiling at your friends before walking out of the classroom, you spun around once you were a reasonable distance from the classroom door. “What’s up?”

“I just, I was just wondering why I haven’t seen you outside the school. So you know, we can walk home together. I’ve been waiting for you.”

You felt your heart flip-flop but you didn’t let it show. “Oh, well I joined the school’s ambassador program right? The foreign exchange students arrived. They asked us to stay after to help them get accustomed to the school’s culture and to answer any questions they have. It’s actually so much fun, my student is this guy from Japan! His name is Haruto! Jeongwoo, he’s so attractive.”

Before you could continue or Jeongwoo could respond, the bell rang. You tossed an apologetic smile over your shoulder before walking into the classroom and taking a seat. Jeongwoo made his way over to his own classroom and sat down for class. But he couldn’t focus at all.

‘Haruto? Who was Haruto?’ he thought. ‘How attractive could he be? There’s no way this Haruto guy was more attractive than he was right?’

Jeongwoo pulled out his phone to check his appearance. He felt his phone ring, he glanced up to see that the teacher wasn’t looking so he clicked on the notification to read the message he just received. His chest felt weird for a quick second when he saw the notification was from you.

Y/N: Was there anything else you needed? I’m sorry you’ve been waiting for me, you don’t have to do that now. I should have told you earlier but Haruto’s been walking me home after our program.

Jeongwoo: No, that’s all I was curious about. Thanks for the heads up. Haruto sounds like a cool guy. I’m glad.

Jeongwoo was not glad.

But, I won't deny that

In the midst of the crowds

In the shapes in the clouds

I don't see nobody but you

And suddenly, it was like Jeongwoo couldn’t not see you. You were everywhere. He started to take new routes home, he visited shops, studied in cafes, sometimes he even considered joining a school club just to stay after. But everywhere he went, everything he did he thought of you. He saw something in a shop that would remind him of you, he wondered what kind of drink you’d get at the cafes he visited, and even in the most crowded streets sometimes he swore he saw your face.

You were everywhere yet nowhere at the same time.

In my rose-tinted dreams

Wrinkled silk on my sheets

I don't see nobody but you

But Jeongwoo acknowledged he was truly and utterly screwed when he started to see your pretty face in his dreams. Your face wasn’t ever the problem. It was missing you. It was wondering if you had replaced him. It was wondering if you were with that new guy Haruto now.

At the end of two weeks of utterly horrible sleep, Jeongwoo thought to himself. He needed to do something about the situation and he needed to do it fast. The best person to consult? His hopeless romantic of a brother.

you got me hooked on to something

Who could say that they saw us coming?

Tell me, do you feel the love?

“Jaehyuk-hyung. Help me.” Jeongwoo asked, slamming his brother’s door open and barging into the room.

Jaehyuk paused his game, muttered something into the microphone and then took off his headset. “What’s up?”

“I like Y/N. What do I do?”

“Awww Jeongwoo has a crush! My baby brother has finally opened his eyes and is admitting his feelings to himself.” Jaehyuk teased.

“Yeah yeah. You get to jab at me this one time and then never again. You may be older than me but I’ve grown 8 cm in the last year. I’m just as tall as you now!” Jeongwoo threatened.

“I feel like I should be able to tease you about it for a little longer than just this once. It’s so obvious between the two of you. You both are such dummies.”

“What? What are you talking about?” Jeongwoo asked. “Nevermind, I don’t think I want to know. Just help me, what do I do? She’s been spending the last few weeks after school with another guy. I have to act fast and I want to impress her.”

“Well, there’s a long weekend coming up. What do you guys like in common?”

“We talk about music a lot. She and I have similar taste in music.”

“Why don’t you take her to a concert or see live music or something?”

Jeongwoo thought about it. The more he thought about it, the more he realized how good of an idea it was and it was possible, he saw an ad for his and your favorite artist that was coming to town soon. He rushed out of Jaehyuk’s room.

“Thanks hyung!”

The first thing Jeongwoo did once he got back to his room was search the concert details. To his relief, there were still tickets available and he snatched two as quickly as he could. He breathed a sigh of relief once he found the confirmation in his email.

His mind wandered over to what Jaehyuk had said earlier ‘it’s so obvious between the two of you’. What was so obvious? Was there something he wasn’t seeing? Did you feel the way he felt about you? Did everybody else see something between the two of you that neither of you had seen yourselves?

Who else saw them coming? Did you feel the love? Was it love? Whatever. Jeongwoo just prayed you would be available this weekend.

Spend the summer of a lifetime with me

Let me take you to the place of your dreams

Tell me, do you feel the love?

Jeongwoo: Are you free this weekend? I got tickets to Big Bang’s concert. We should go.

Y/N: I’m so down to go to Big Bang. Haruto is actually a huge fan as well. He got me a ticket! We should all go together. Haruto is really cool! I think you guys would get along amazing.

Jeongwoo could feel his insides curling up on each other and the expression on his face souring. But he sucked up his pride and answered.

Jeongwoo: Awesome.

Jeongwoo had to admit, Haruto was cool. The two boys had exchanged conversations about music, sports, and clothes. Everything under the sun. Except for you. He wanted to ask but he also didn’t want to ask. He was afraid of the answer.

He tried to keep his cool when he saw you interact with Haruto. His mind was clouded with questions, worries. Was he too late in chasing your affections?

About halfway through the concert you had started to get fed up by the way Jeongwoo was acting. Bang Bang Bang came on and you were not going to let Jeongwoo’s prissy attitude ruin this experience so you grabbed his hand and started jumping. Thankfully, the sour expression on your best friend’s face started to disappear. At the sight of Jeongwoo’s goofy grin, you felt a strangely warm feeling spread through your body and the warmth flowed up into your face. You tried your best not to think too much about it.

By the end of the song, Jeongwoo had his arm thrown over your shoulder and yours was loosely wrapped around his waist as the two of you jumped to the beat. At the very end of the song as you went to land the last jump, there was a sharp pain that shot up your ankle as you landed.

Jeongwoo felt his heart lurch as he realized you were about to slip. Without even thinking, he wrapped his other arm around you and held you before you could topple over. And then all of sudden it was like the world had paused. For the first time in a few weeks, Jeongwoo really looked at his best friend for the first time.

He looked into your eyes and asked the question that he was too afraid to say aloud. ‘Do you feel the love?’

And I could say I never answered

Those believers inside my head

But that's far from the truth

For the rest of the concert, Jeongwoo held you in his arms as the two of you swayed from side to side. You hadn’t realized how much Jeongwoo had grown in the past few weeks. You were thankful that you were facing the band and that Jeongwoo stood behind you with his head resting on yours. His arms were wrapped around your shoulders.

Truthfully, the last few weeks had been both torture and a sweet relief. You knew there were feelings simmering for Jeongwoo for a long time, but lately you couldn’t put a finger on it. He had grown up and he had grown up well. And then all of a sudden the feelings exploded and they became hard to tame and hide. So when you saw the flyer for the foreign exchange students program a few weeks ago, which would run after school, you snatched up the opportunity.

The time away from Jeongwoo did help you clear up your mind a bit. And you did make a new friend from it. Haruto. And Haruto was handsome. But there was no romantic chemistry. Haruto had his own romantic issues.

But this concert wasn’t what you were expecting. It wasn’t weird for you and Jeongwoo to exchange the occasional hug. But this felt like more affection than usual and it felt good. When Jeongwoo had caught you from the fall and looked into your eyes as he held you, your head started to spin, your thoughts and feelings started to run wild again. It was harder and harder to run from the truth, that you had fallen for your best friend, Jeongwoo.

To admit that was scary. To wonder what would happen to your relationship if things changed. What if he didn’t feel the same way about you? What if he became awkward and the relationship irrevocably fell apart? But what if he did return your feelings? But then what if it didn’t work out and it all fell apart? Suddenly, this didn’t feel so good anymore.

Jeongwoo wanted to hold you and never let you go. Unaware of the many thoughts flying through your head, he wished you’d turn around and look at him again. He wished he was braver, he wished. He wished for so many things but he was scared. But for now he was so happy, so content, holding you in his arms.

Don't know what's come over me

It seems like yesterday when I said

“We'll be friends forever”

“Y/N? Can we grab food after this?” Jeongwoo asked into your ear. A sudden storm of butterflies stormed into your stomach and you pretended not to hear him as you pulled his arms off of your shoulders and stepped out of his embrace.

Jeongwoo could feel his body heat in frustration. He had never had to fight for your attention, there was never any competition for it before. But now that he had to, he hated it.

“Where’s Haruto?” you asked, looking around for your friend, avoiding eye contact with Jeongwoo. Thankfully before it became too awkward you felt your phone vibrate. You tapped on the notification to see that it was a message from Haruto.

‘Haruto was great, but was he really so great he could undo the years of growing up together?’ Jeongwoo fumed silently as you read the message on your phone. He tried his best to compose himself.

Haruto: I had to go, sorry. I saw someone I used to know.

Shit.

“Y/N? What’s up?”

“Uh, Haruto dipped. He caught up with a friend.” you said. Jeongwoo did all that he could to keep the smile off of his face.

“So...you wanna grab food?”

“What?”

“Aren’t you hungry? Let’s go to McDonald’s! We should catch up. I feel like-”

“Actually, it’s kind of late Jeongwoo. And I’m kind of tired. Would you mind taking me home?”

This time, you did see the smile slide right off of Jeongwoo’s face. “Oh. Yeah of course.”

“Thanks Jeongwoo. You’re such an amazing friend to me.”

Constellations of stars

Murals on city walls

I don't see nobody but you

If Jeongwoo thought the two weeks leading up to the concert were bad, then the next two were absolute hell. Instead of moving forward, it was like your relationship had shot backwards.

‘Friend?’ Jeongwoo fumed. He was absolutely pissed every time he thought about it. He didn't want to be your friend. That much was obvious now.

Now it wasn’t just that the two of you didn’t walk back home together. Now you didn’t answer his texts. Now you didn’t even look at him in school. Now you didn’t even show up to support him at his sporting events. Now it sucked. Jeongwoo felt like a kid who had done something wrong and had been sent to time out. But what had he done wrong?

Had he overstepped his boundaries? Had he said something wrong? He hadn’t said anything other than ‘do you want to get food?’

But still Jeongwoo couldn’t get you out of his mind.

You're my vice, you're my muse

You're a nineteenth floor view

I don't see nobody but you

Jeongwoo thought he was being rational. He figured you needed space but he couldn’t figure out why. But when Jaehyuk dropped him off at lacrosse tryouts in the spring and he saw that you were in the stands chatting with Haruto he was absolutely livid. He could feel his heart face and his blood boil. Jeongwoo’s regular pleasant demeanor had evaporated in an instant.

But to be fair, all his pent up aggression seemed to work to his benefit as he exerted all of it on the field. And at the end of the day, his coach had told him that he’d done so well he might get a spot on the varsity team. That was an amazing opportunity as a Sophomore.

If Jeongwoo was livid seeing you at tryouts the first day. He was absolutely furious when he saw Haruto run up to you during breaks to chat. When he saw you hand Haruto a bottle of water with such a pretty smile on your face he wanted to punch something. Or someone.

At the end of the second day of tryouts, the coach called Jeongwoo into his office.

“I don’t know what they feed you kids over in Japan. But all four of you are good.” Jeongwoo heard once he was within hearing distance of the office. Japan? Jeongwoo’s mood soured when he saw a familiar lanky figure. He knocked on the doorframe to make his presence known to the coach.

Haruto smirked when he saw Jeongwoo standing at the door with a darkened expression on his face. But it was gone the second he turned back to face the coach.

“The two of you have demonstrated amazing capabilities and I am considering pulling one of you up to the varsity team. Take this opportunity seriously. Tomorrow is the last day of tryouts.”

On the third and final day of tryouts, Jeongwoo was relieved that he didn’t see you. He cringed when he realized how horrible that thought was but he wanted to be laser focused today. He wanted to do his absolute best. No, he wanted to be the absolute best.

But his game was off, Jeongwoo was antsy and his mind kept straying. During each break he didn’t realize his eyes were wandering everywhere just to get a glimpse of you. It was infuriating to see you here for Haruto but it was unsettling not to see you here at all. And it showed.

On the field during the last game of tryouts, it was Haruto and Jeongwoo facing off against each other. Face to face, right in front of each other, just before the whistle blew Haruto taunted his opponent. “You’re gonna lose your girl to me and now you’re gonna lose your spot on the team to me?”

If there was one redeeming moment of today’s tryouts it was this last game. Jeongwoo played as hard as he could, as ferocious as he could. But just for a second he lost control and played a bit dirty. The game ended when he was called for an illegal body check.

“Dude what’s your problem?” Haruto asked.

Jeongwoo turned around and got up in his face. “No, what’s your problem? Your comment back there? Absolutely uncalled for.”

“Please. Pull your head out of your ass. You’re hurting your friend. Talk to her.”

“Boys! Over here, now!” the coach hollered before Jeongwoo could ask for an explanation.

As soon as the two boys entered the office, he asked “Jeongwoo, how do you think you played today?”

“Not the best I could have sir, something was on my mind. I apologize, it won’t happen again.”

“Damn right, it better not. After seeing you play today I was about ready to cut you from the team entirely.”

Jeongwoo felt his heart drop to his stomach. Haruto felt awkward. He wasn’t sure why he had to be here for this.

“Haruto. I saw you say something to Jeongwoo before the last game. I don’t condone foul play. Whatever petty drama you both got going on between the two of you get it sorted out, fast. Because for now, you’re teammates. Junior Varsity. Here’s the deal, if the two of you prove yourself in the first few games I’ll pull you up. But instead of competing against each other for the spot, it’s either you both get a spot or neither of you will get pulled up.”

Jeongwoo stormed out of the office. He was so angry he hadn’t even noticed that he’d nearly trampled you.

You recognized the expression on Jeongwoo’s face. It was the worst-case-scenario face. It was rare, but when it was there that meant things were bad. You turned to see Haruto exit the office, he saw you look back at Jeongwoo then back at him. Haruto jutted his chin out towards Jeongwoo and gave you a nod, to which you smiled back in relief before running off after Jeongwoo.

Do you feel the love?

Feel the love

“Jeongwoo! Jeongwoo!” You yelled. He barely heard you or he ignored you, he was so pissed that he honestly didn’t know. But right now he needed to find a way to deal with the anger. He needed to go home.

But he couldn’t run away from you, not when you had caught up to him. He saw you standing in front of his path home, he looked over and saw that you had taken a shortcut that the two of you had found together years ago.

“What’s wrong?” You asked.

Jeongwoo rolled his eyes and made a move to step around you. But you stepped over so that you were in his way again. And when he stepped again. You stepped again as well.

“Move. Seriously.”

“No, not until you tell me what’s wrong?”

“Why the hell would I do that?”

You felt a chill run down your spine. This wasn’t Jeongwoo. Your Jeongwoo would never speak to you like this. Your Jeongwoo? Was he even yours? He was still your friend though, right? “We’re friends. Right?”

Jeongwoo scoffed. He knew he was being rude but right now it felt like the entire world was giving him a giant middle finger.

“I don’t know. Are we?”

“Why wouldn’t we be? Friends are there for each other in times of need. You’re obviously mad and you need a friend right now. And I’m your friend right?” you felt yourself get smaller and smaller the more you spoke.

“Are you really my friend? Because honestly, lately, you’ve been a really shitty friend.”

“I-”

“For years we’ve walked home from school together, for years we’ve hung out together, supported each other, we talked to each other, about everything. Then one day you stop meeting me in front of the school, then the next day you don’t tell me what’s going on or why or even to let me know not to wait up for you, then one week then one week turns into many weeks then all of a sudden. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend.”

“Jeongwoo, I’m sorry-”

“I was so upset at the thought of not being close to you that I made plans for us to spend time together. Just us. And you go and invite someone else. Then just when I feel like things are starting to get better at the concert, you iced me out. Completely. You don’t answer my texts. You don’t talk to me, hell you don’t even look at me anymore!”

You could feel the tears streaming down your face. Everything Jeongwoo had said was true. In being scared of your own feelings for Jeongwoo, you had severed your friendship with him bit by bit. And now you weren’t even sure if it was still hanging by a thread.

“I have spent weeks. Going over what I did wrong in my head. I have tried so hard to talk to you, to just talk to you. I had something I wanted to say to you. But I don’t think it should be so hard to just speak to my friend. But I’ve just come to the conclusion that I haven’t done anything wrong. I wasn’t the one who was being a shit friend. That was you. So let me ask you again. Are you really my friend?”

“I-” you paused for a second to swallow. “I don’t know.”

“Yeah. I don’t know either. And honestly right now, I don’t even think I want you to be my friend. Bye Y/N.” Jeongwoo said, stepping around you. This time you didn’t stop him.

You turned around and watched his back get smaller and smaller as he walked away from you, down the path that led you home. The path the two of you had walked along together for years. You sniffled as you wiped the tears from your face.

But what you didn't see were the tears that streamed down Jeongwoo’s face.

172 notes · View notes

sincerelyella · 3 years

Text

My Person (Liam x MC)

Book: The Royal Romance (AU)

Song Inspiration: My Person by Spencer Crandall

Pairings: Liam x MC (Ella) Summary: A one shot of my favorite couple - it’s Liam and Ella’s anniversary and there are big plans in store.

A/N: Okay, I’m gonna be very honest, I am super nervous about posting again. I wrote this maybe last week and kind of finished it earlier today. Thank you to those that I vented to about actually posting my stories, not sure why I feel really sick right now. New blog name (used to be @callmeellabella), new post LOL and I didn’t really know who to tag since it’s been a long time so I’m using my old list. Please let me know if you want off.

A/N2: Participating in @wackydrabbles this week. Prompt will be in bold.

Thank you @alyssalauren and @ofpixelsandscribbles for reading through this for me and kind of handing me that invisible paper bag for me to breathe in. Love y'all!

Warnings: Fluffs. A lot of fluffs.

Words: 1658

Isaiah and Noelle grinned as they filmed their parents in the seat in front of them, holding hands. After 15 years of marriage, Liam and Ella were the epitome of the best partners to each other and parents to their children. There were rough times, of course, you can’t escape those, but the King and Queen handled things in stride.

Noelle’s eyes filled with tears when she watched her dad lift her mom’s hand to his mouth and kiss her knuckles. The way he looked at Ella, like she was the only woman in the world, made Noelle have very high standards for a future partner for herself.

Isaiah grew up knowing how you were supposed to treat a woman, and it was all modeled from how his dad treated his mom. At 15 years old, he grew up in the public eye, but thankfully, his parents allowed him to have a normal childhood. The only time there was mention of royalty was a gala or a ball held at the palace; his Uncle Leo, Max, and Drake as well as his Aunt Olivia and parents all dressed up.

It was their parent’s anniversary that day and Liam had planned a family dinner, just the four of them.

One week ago

“Hey guys,” Liam smiled as he watched his kids sitting at the kitchen island doing homework.

“Hey, dad.” “Hi, daddy.”

Liam hung his keys on the wall by the door and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Next week is mine and your mother’s anniversary.”

Noelle and Isaiah stopped what they were doing and met their father’s gaze.

“I … was hoping you could help me with something,” his brows rounded as he stared at them.

“Sure, what did you need?” Noelle asked.

Isaiah chewed his bottom lip. “No pranks though, right dad?”

Liam chuckled, remembering that anniversary and how it went … so wrong. “No, son. No pranks. Plus, your Uncle Maxwell is not invited until later.”

Present-day

“Guys, we’re here,” Liam turned to Noelle and Isaiah and widened his eyes at them, the two nodding back with small smiles. Ella missed the entire silent exchange as she climbed out of the black SUV after Bastien opened her door.

Everyone piled into the restaurant, all of them laughed and cried as the kids asked for a cake to be presented to their parents to celebrate their special day.

“How beautiful,” Ella wiped her tears away as she gazed at the red velvet bundt cake covered in cream cheese frosting. “Was this your doing?” She turned to her husband as he smiled.

“No, love, that was them,” he gestured towards Noelle and Isaiah.

“Thank you,” she used a tissue to dab at both her eyes.

“Fifteen years is a long time to be married, ma,” Isaiah dimpled as he looked from his mom to his dad. “Now hurry up and eat it so that we can have a piece!”

The family laughed and dug into the cake. An hour later, they slowly stood from the table, grumbling about how full they were.

“Oh God, why didn’t you stop me?” Isaiah smacked his sister in the arm.

Noelle glared at her brother and punched him in the arm. “It’s not my fault you ate like you never saw food before.”

“Why did you say that?” Isaiah whined.

Liam and Ella walked behind their children, smirking at each other.

“They’re so dramatic,” Ella snorted.

“Wonder who they got that from?” Liam arched a brow at his wife.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Your Majesty.”

“Love,” Liam waited until she turned to look at him. “I have a surprise for you.”

“Where? What is it?”

“Come on,” he tugged on her hand and led her out of the restaurant and into the waiting SUV.

“Where are we going?”

“Ma, just wait, we’ll get there in a minute,” Noelle giggled in the back seat.

“You guys know too?” Ella looked from her son to her daughter and back again. “Liam?”

“Just relax, love, we’ll be there soon,” he squeezed her hand and laughed as her nose wrinkled in annoyance.

A few minutes later, Bastien turned into a small, private area for vehicles to park. “We’re here,” he said and turned to smirk at Ella. “Your Majesty, we’re going to blindfold you.”

“You’re … what?!”

Isaiah cackled as he leaned forward to wrap a scarf around his mother’s eyes.

“That’s blocking my nose,” Ella complained. “I can’t breathe.”

“You can breathe out of your mouth.”

“Isaiah Alexander,” she said sternly and he jumped.

“Sorry mom,” he mumbled as he fixed the scarf so it only covered her eyes.

“Okay,” Liam opened the door to her side of the SUV. “Come on, love, I’m carrying you to our destination.”

Ella let out a long sigh and reached up to feel her husband’s neck. She allowed him to carry her bridal style to … wherever they were going. When her family got like this it was usually because of her husband, who loved to take her places to surprise her. She didn’t mind, honestly, but it was annoying when everyone was in on it except for her.

“We’re almost there, love, I promise,” she felt Liam kiss the top of her head and she snuggled into his shoulder.

“Hey, I got a picture from Uncle Max!” Noelle opened the message and gasped.

Isaiah reached for his sister’s phone. “Is it another picture of him and his peacock Lady and the Tramping some spaghetti?”

Everyone began to laugh.

“I can’t believe that damn thing didn’t peck his eye out,” Ella snorted.

“That thing still scares the crap out of me,” Noelle said as her fingers flew over the keys.

“We’re here,” Liam smiled as he began to step down onto the large rocks towards the private beach.

“Don’t drop me, Liam,” Ella said as she lifted her nose to the air. “I smell the ocean.” She felt her husband lower her to the ground. “What now? I’m still wearing this.”

A moment of silence and some giggling in the distance made Ella furrow her brows.

“Okay, take off the scarf, love.”

Ella quickly undid the knot and opened her eyes; she faced the ocean. “Liam, what-”

“Turn around.”

As she did, she saw her husband on one knee, her children behind him in the distance carrying an old 1989 boombox, the song My Person by Spencer Crandall playing.

I was lookin' for a long time

I never found nobody like you

I got your name, got your number

And we talked 'til they turned on the lights

“A boombox?”

Liam smirked. “You made me watch Sixteen Candles.”

“Oh yeah,” she chuckled. “Liam,” Ella had tears streaming down her face and she wiped them away quickly. “Wh-what is this?”

He took hold of her free hand and ran his thumb over her knuckles. “Love, it’s our fifteenth wedding anniversary. We married that long ago.”

She nodded, the lump on her throat making it difficult for her to speak.

“But we were together before that,” he smiled up at her. “I met you and I was done for, I haven't looked at anyone else since. You came to my social season, I chose you, we were engaged for a year, and then here we are.”

My person

My heartbeat

My slow dance

My Sunday-morning-sippin'-on-coffee in bed

My know-when-you-know best friend

“You’re my person,” Liam bit his bottom lip to control his emotions. “You and the kids are my everything, and you know I’d give all this up for you if you asked.”

“We don’t want that though!” Noelle yelled and they all laughed.

“Ella Brooks Rys, I wanted to ask you if you would remarry me,” he reached into his pocket, pulled out a black velvet box, and opened it. “Renew our vows and our commitment to each other.”

The box held three rings, an emerald-shaped, 6-carat diamond solitaire in the middle, and one plain platinum band on each side of it. One was engraved with Isaiah Alexander and the other with Noelle Marie.

“Of course,” Ella choked out as Liam smiled and the kids jumped up and down.

My saving grace, my everything

I’ve never been more sure that you’re my person

Every minute is a long time

If I ain’t holding on to you

Liam pushed all three rings onto her finger. “You ready, Mrs. Rys?”

“I am, Mr. Rys,” she pulled her husband to her and captured his lips in a passionate kiss.

“Ew, gross!” “Stop! This is not part of the plan!”

“Congratulations!”

Ella was surprised by that last one and turned towards the sound. All of their friends and family were there on the beach, smiling at them.

“What are-”

“You guys are renewing your vows!” Leo hollered and lifted a bottle of champagne in the air. “Let’s get this going so we can get druuuunk!”

“Leo!” Liam snapped at his brother.

“I mean, I’m ready when you are.”

Hana and Olivia rushed towards Ella and hugged her. “Were you surprised?”

“I was,” Ella sniffled. “You guys all knew?”

“Yup!”

“My little blossom! You are so beautiful! Let me see the rings!”

Ella gave Max her left hand.

“Whatever you do, don’t let Beaumont touch it. I’m sure he’s got lasagna all under his fingernails,” Drake chuckled as he approached the group.

“Hey marshmallow,” Ella turned to hug him. “And you guys had lasagna without me?”

Liam laughed and put an arm around Noelle and Isaiah. “You guys ready?”

They both nodded.

“I’m ready to marry your mother again,” they all laughed as Ella put her arm around Isaiah. “Let’s go!”

My saving grace, my everything

I've never been more sure that you're my person

Yeah, baby, you're my person

#My Person #Liam x MC #Liam x Ella #the royal romance #the royal romance fandom #the royal romance fanfic #the royal romance fanfiction #trr au #the royal romance au #trr fandom #trr fanfic #trr fanfiction #Sincerely Ella #Ella still writes #Liam Rys #King Liam

119 notes · View notes

mimikyugirl · 2 years

Text

He's Leaving Home

-one shot-

John's heart breaks into a thousand different pieces seeing the abuse that Paul goes through at home. After so many years of trauma, Paul finally has a chance to be free.

.McLennon.

TW: description of psychological and physical abuse; description of trauma; discussions of death and homophobia.

John had arranged to meet Paul at the pier before he even left. The lone bench tucked away on the docks was the couple's favorite spot and they knew that the city's prying eyes rarely reached it, giving them complete freedom to be together.

John was away with his aunt for a week to visit some relatives, and it was the first time he had been away from Paul for so long. He split his mind between ardently missing Paul and worrying about him. Paul didn't have great family stability, and John knew full well that his safety was a issue. All it took was Paul's father to be in a bad mood, and the boy would get a new scar somewhere that couldn't be seen.

The night John finally arrived back in town, he just wished he had Paul safe in his arms, even though the latest assault had already taken place many months ago.

John walked to the pier, a single red rose in his hands, unable to control the smile on his face knowing he would finally have Paul back.

Already seated, he enjoyed two cigarettes in the company of the calm waves below the pier, watching a few ships pass over the dark horizon and checking the watch on his wrist restlessly.

Paul announced his arrival discreetly. He walked towards John like a frightened cat, quiet and taking advantage of the dark edges of the dock. He checks if they were safe even before saying hi to his boyfriend.

John got to his feet with a big smile, the rest of the third cigarette falling to the ground to be forgotten for the rest of the night now that nothing else mattered to his lips but Paul's. It wasn't more than three steps away from the boy, in the yellow light of the docks, when John realized that beneath the shy smile, there were already new scars.

He hugged Paul gently, his heart racing and his smile once again turning to concern.

No words were exchanged before John's hands found his and guided Paul back to the cold bench on the pier. They sat there, hands still clasped, and for several minutes Paul avoided all the questions he heard and just stared into John's eyes, as if trying to melt into them once more.

When the questions could no longer be avoided and the red rose rested peacefully in his hands, they began to talk. John, despite loving his boyfriend's voice, knew he wouldn't love the things he would hear about his period of absence.

"Have you at leats been able to rest, love?" John asked a few minutes later, his eyes unable to stray for a second from his beloved.

The two were sitting so close together that the rest of the bench could easily not exist. They leaned against each other, looking apprehensively over the bench in case anyone showed up. Paul closed his eyes and let himself sink for a few seconds in the scent of John and the safety of his embrace. A small relief to what he went trough.

"I'm not sure when was the last time I slept well. Between all the fighting and screaming my head has been having trouble shutting down" Paul whispered "It's like I've been listening to the echoes for hours and hours and hours, y'know."

John held him gently, afraid to cause discomfort with the bruises. His hands slid under Paul's hair and he tried not to be swallowed up by the impotence he felt.

The first time Paul sought him out was no different from a night like this. A knock on John's bedroom window let him know Paul was there, and a glance at his face made it clear why.

They snuggled in bed together and imagined happy scenarios that involved running away to Paris together or even John going over to Paul's house to teach James a lesson. Paul was crying softly so as not to disturb, and John held him tight so he would know he wasn't alone, all until he slept soundly against John's chest.

Sometimes the nights were more frequent, sometimes months went by without Paul appearing with bruises, but the two always knew it was not the end. The next time always existed, and John was never prepared to see his lover hurt.

"Sometimes I think I deserve it, y'know. I think it's these nights that nightmares find me easier." Paul's voice brought John back to the pier. He pulled away from John to light a cigarette and cross his legs as if trying to take up less space in the world.

"I think I should be a better son or…" Paul trailed off, looking away, trying to make sense of what he felt "I don't know, maybe I should be something different."

"It's not your fault, Paulie" John started to say, his eyes roving painfully over the bruises on the other boy's face "You don't have to be someone different. You're perfect this way and it's not your fault your dad doesn't agree."

Paul knew that John spoke the truth, and that he loved him for what he was. He also knew that in an ideal reality he would be free to love John and not feel guilty one second for it, but when he felt his face burn under yet another slap from his father and heard all the grievances about his love for John, he couldn't help but think that maybe he wasn't so worthy of the love John felt for him.

"I thought they had stopped" John said, feeling his chest sink "The nightmares, I mean."

"Well..." Paul continued "They stop when my dad stops."

Paul's most recent nightmares were enough to make him wish to never sleep again. He always started out alone in a completely dark place, a single light walking slowly towards him, growing more and more as it comes. With his heart already beating desperately, Paul realizes that it is his father walking towards him holding a torch, so high that he could easily be a tower. James then threats to set fire to the music sheets and instruments of Paul that, trying to rescue them, realizes that he is tied up and helpless. Even worse, when his father turn in the dark, he sets John on fire and Paul is forced to listen to him burn slowly, helplessly aswell.

John knew that Paul's nightmares could be quite cruel. He remembers many times, when they shared a bed at Mendips, where Paul would wake up in the middle of the night sobbing so hard that not even John's whispers could calm him down. John knew Paul relived the moments of pain and fear from home, and he felt devastated that he couldn't help. No more than just stay there and listen.

"I make an effort to get out of them, to wake up" Paul blurted, smoke trickling from his lips "But I never quite know why, y'know. There's no relief in waking up."

At least that, John could understand. He remembers all the nights he spent thinking it wouldn't matter to the world whether he woke up or not. The feeling of waking up and forgetting for a few seconds who you are or where you are, only to have all the emotions and pain thrown in your face again.

He pulled Paul against him, John's eager eyes sliding over every detail he loved, which were now corrupted by bruises far deeper than showed on the surface. "Look at me, luve" he whispered.

Paul turned with some difficulty to meet John's gaze and listened intently to everything he said.

"Remember that poem we read together that day? About how spring will still come if we die?*" Paul nodded attentively before John continued "Reality doesn't need us, luve. We have no commitment to the task of existing, y'know, no commitment to what other people expect of us."

"I love you" John said, a gentle smile on his lips "And spring comes for me, even if I love another man. It certainly comes for you, no matter what your father thinks of our love."

Paul remembers the poem. The night he and John spent debating how beautiful it was to live just for the joy of living and how far away they were from it.

"I...I love you too John" Paul whispered, pressing his forehead to John's "You're the only thing that gives me hope of being what I really want to be."

They didn't need to say, they knew the thing Paul wanted to be was free. Simply free.

John glanced over his shoulder quickly before sliding a gentle kiss over Paul's lips, a kiss that sealed their agreement never to give up on being together one day. Free.

"Remember when we planned to run away?" John whispered, his eyes searched Paul's lips for a hint of a smile "We even wrote the farewell letters."

"Dear Mimi..." Paul tried to keep his laughter low, leaning his body gently against John as if whispering a secret "Oh boy... that could have turned out so different" He finally concluded.

"She would never understand what she did wrong" John said, putting a finger to his mouth and biting it nervously " She would have spent the rest of her life saying I was ungrateful and treated her badly."

"Of course..." Paul took a long drag on his cigarette before pulling John's face to look him in the eye "Because how dare you not like having your mental and physical space violated? How dare you, boy?"

"I missed... I missed you so much that sometimes you didn't feel real in my head anymore" Paul whispered apologetically, as if he still needed confirmation that John was there with him.

"I don't feel very real sometimes either, y'know" John completed, lifting Paul's chin towards his face "But now, with you, I'm pretty sure I am."

John got lost in Paul's eyes for a few seconds, before starting to speak as if he were pleading, "Let's go, Paulie. The two of us."

He held Paul's face in his hands and whispered ardently, as if this time it would be enough to convince Paul "We can be so happy together. And I... I can take care of you."

"I really wanted to go" Paul said, the sad smile filling his face once more "Whenever I imagine running away with you I... I imagine finally having a safe place I guess."

"So let's do it" John said, stroking him hopefully "You're the only thing I care about in this place, there's nothing stopping us!"

Paul always felt guilty about being the one to burst John's bubble, always reminding him that he couldn't just walk away.

"Love, it's not that easy" He replied seeing that John's hope had already dissipated "I hope you can understand that... I don't... I can't just go."

A small part of John needed to work harder to understand than he wanted to admit. Sometimes he thought Paul could rebel better, or maybe simply hit back.

"Simply."

Even John recognized that he wasn't the best person in the world to have a conversation about abuse, and he cared enough about Paul to try not to make matters worse.

"Ei" John whispered, gently stroking Paul's face "The only reason I even talk about running away is because I wish I could protect you... protect better than dis, y'know."

"And I love you for that but... I can't just go" Paul concluded, looking away to the calm waters below the pier "I think... I don't know. I really don't know."

John's hands rested nonchalantly on Paul's shoulders until the boy finally announced that he needed to walk back home.

The only sign left by the couple on the bench was a small cigarette remnant and the faint scent of John's perfume, festering in the air for a few more seconds after they finally parted.

The farewells were long and graced with whispers of undying love. If it weren't for the fact that they were both dreading the goodbye and that they never knew when they would see each other again, it would be a farewell worthy of the most passionate couple in any movie.

"You know where to find me, luve" was the last thing John said before he walked away. A single sad nod signaled that Paul knew, but somehow hoped that he wouldn't need to go there once more.

The walk home was made in the company of another cigarette, and for Paul, a beautiful red rose, still safe between his fingers.

Even before opening the small rusty gate at the entrance to the house, his heart sank when he realized that the figure of his father was already waiting for him. James was looking out through the small glass cutout in the door, as if making it clear that Paul was about to enter enemy territory.

For the first time in the night, and perhaps in his life, Paul felt the pain in his bruises intensify, and he hesitated. He knew what was about to happen but this time something inside him changed. Paul felt he had something to lose and for the first time, that he deserved to be waited on by something better, something warmer. Something like John and the love they had for each other.

Even before his cigarette hit the dirt path under his feet, Paul had already turned around.

The small metal gate slammed into his back as if warning him to leave faster. Paul backed away from there, taking a deep breath, holding John's rose tight between his fingers.

The only scar that Paul would proudly bear for all the years to come was the small hole in his right hand, the hole made by the single thorn of John's rose. He would remember her as the last wound in that house, the wound that represented his freedom.

He wouldn't notice the thin streak of blood coming out of his hand until later, when he finally arrived at John's house and announced that he was ready to live an uncertain future with him.

His nightmares would be as forgotten in the past as his scars and John would become his family, the one he deserved and would finally fill him with as much happiness as he'd hoped his entire life.

He left home to finally understand what a home really was.

*Quando a Primavera Vier (When Spring Comes) is a poem by Fernando Pessoa (under the pseudonym of Alberto Caeiro) and can be read in english here .

#the beatles #john lennon #paul mccartney #the beatles fanfiction #fanfic #paul mccartney x john lennon #mclennon #john lennon fanfiction #lennon mccartney #john lennon fanfic #paul mccartney fanfiction

21 notes · View notes

causticsunshine · 2 years

Text

2021 writing wrap up

tagged by @brightgolden, thank you babe!!

sorry this is a bit late, i only posted three fics this year despite working on a lot more so trying to come up with answers was a bit of a process, haha.

1. Number of stories posted on AO3: 3 2. Word count posted for the year: 89,545 3. Fandoms I wrote for: 1d 4. Pairings: harry styles/louis tomlinson 5. Story with the most: Kudos: Losing Focus Every Time You Speak Bookmarks: Losing Focus Every Time You Speak Comments: Losing Focus Every Time You Speak

6. Work I'm most proud of (and why):

probably 'you can lay your hands on me'! i don't typically sign up for fests + exchanges because i tend to have a hard time getting writing or art work done by a specific timestamp, and despite the last thirty six hours of working on it i was a sleep deprived mess i'm still really happy with what i turned out in the end and i'm still looking forward to adding on more to the story!

7. Work I'm least proud of (and why):

also 'you can lay your hands on me'—just because i had lot more i originally wanted to pack in by my post date that i ended up constantly writing and deleting, and in the end i just posted what i'd already finished writing and editing and really just stayed up nearly 36 hours for nothing in the end :)) but as i've said a few times already—since i've gotten the okay i'm definitely going to clean up all i had to scrap before too long and will tack quite a bit more onto the original fic!

8. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

tbh every comment or nice tag on a fic leaves me with my chest feeling all warm inside because i crave validation soooo badly so i think i'll share one that really stuck with me from each of the three i posted this year:

on 'losing focus every time you speak' a writer i really admire and constantly re-read said the fic was one of the loveliest pieces they'd read in awhile, and that they really loved my in-fic characterization and take on domesticity!

for 'swear i've known you since forever' one comment on how i captured 'wistful teenage romance' made me so happy because iiiii never really had a reciprocated teen romance—at least a healthy one—and as an adult i was a little worried i was going to rationalize their relationship because i had to dig into my younger self's experiences and kind of re-evaluate things to make sure i could capture that head-over-heels puppy love feeling without dipping into unrealistic or even unhealthy territory. also, @littleroverlouis' comment about this AU being the most canon they've ever read make me literally !! like i'm really proud of this AU and i have so much more to add onto it despite so much of it already being written and my goal outside of doing an o/o story was trying to give it a kind of alternate timeline/canon feel and to hear i accomplished as such to even just one person was so validating <3

and with 'you can lay your hands on me' @thestylinsons yelling at me via DMs and in my comments about passages they really liked and just generally hyping me up when i was feeling really shit about the fic due to all my overemotional sleep deprivation, was so so kind and had me literally laying in bed with my hands on my face willing myself to not cry again.

9. A time when writing was really, really hard:

tbh i kinda wanna say on and off all the time? just because as much as writing is more a hobby for me i do put a lot of effort and time into my work and i have bouts of inspiration mixed with dry spells of wanting to do literally anything but writing—or even reading—and trying to get any work done when i don't feel a lick of desire or inspiration to do is like...pulling teeth with a rusty spoon for me. i'm so goddamn stubborn when i don't want to do things.

but if that answer was too bleak lol: when i'd been up for over 30 hours and had written multiple passages for 'you can lay your hands on me' and deleted like, i don't even know how many of them because they were too rambling and disconnected, and my posting deadline was right around the corner and i realized i couldn't post all i'd originally wanted to anymore and that i'd have to be content with what i'd already finished writing and editing before i stayed up all night and the next day....yeah suffice to say i'll be minding my limits better from now on dfkjgndf

10. A scene or character that you wrote that surprised you:

i'm tied between two scenes that really stick out to me tbh?

in 'you can lay your hands on me' it's the one where HL have their proper conversation about introducing bee-dee-ess-em into their relationship, as the whole section from harry's accidental sub slip to that initial conversation i'd done over and over again only to be unsatisfied each time. it actually put me quite behind as i had to walk away from it for a few weeks in order to come back with fresh eyes and pull it off; it's such a big scene because it properly kicks off literally everything else that follows and i didn't want to skip or half-ass it so i could move along.

the second scene is the confession in 'swear i've known you since forever' just because when it comes to boiling points of high emotion or confrontation i always feel like i'm being unrealistic or too soap-opery with everything but i'm really happy with what i came up with! there's definitely some build-up leading to the confession itself, but the way it's done feels more natural to me than other confession/high-point scenes i've written where things feel far too explosive for what's actually going on.

11. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

tbh 'losing focus every time' probably has the most one-liners i'm super proud of so it's kind of hard to pick, but! this one sappy section i am particularly fond of:

Louis goes a little cross eyed staring at him so close. He could trace each mole and freckle on Harry’s face with his eyes closed. But right now, he just wants to remember how he is for his eyes only. Before he’s polished for sets and strangers again.

Like—the stubble over his jaw that frames his plush, rose lips will be gone in a few days’ time. His hair, too, will be trimmed, and styled curl-free. All freshly shaven and prim, time accurate and in-character, for his period pieces. Pretty in a distantly familiar, almost boyish way. Too clean and too plain in his wardrobe pieces, all lacking the color and flair of Harry’s tastes that Louis’ fallen more in love with every day.

But it’s still his Harry once they call cut or wrap for the day. His Harry that makes friends with everyone on cast and crew, bringing people breakfast and tea, waving to intrusive fans who line up behind the set tape like they’re at a red carpet premiere.

And when Harry comes home for a few days or after it’s all over, he nearly sighs in relief the next time he’s allowed layering sweaters and stacking rings, fluffing his hair so it curls over his forehead just the right way. Back to seeing himself in the mirror again.

But always, regardless, Louis’ Harry.

12. How did you grow as a writer for this year:

i think i've been finding my 'style' easier and easier to come by! in the past i've needed to constantly read stories and written word excerpts that fit the 'vibe' of what i was going for to keep me feeling motivated and that i was pulling things off correctly but i don't have to do that half as much anymore because the voice i'm aiming for just comes easier to me than it used to!

13. How do you hope to grow next year:

i really just want to get more things done and posted and not get so hung up on making this big grand 'projects' every time i get an idea, or scrap every little thing that doesn't have 'project' potential, because i think that hinders me a lot both by way of motivation and feeling achieved. and in a similar vain, get my current wips finished and posted up (including: the rewritten half of my subrry fic, my momrry fest fic , o!harry fest fic, at least the second part of my o/o series 'and the sun came out', aaaand maybe a long-had wip lightly inspired by a—really terrible and definitely problematic so if you find it on my page do not read it lmao— fic i wrote in like.....high school that has far too many kudos and reads but that i still haven't deleted if only to show how much better i am at writing now lmao

14. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

oh boy uhm i'd just like to say a big thanks to the @1d-library discord server because most of the other writers i talk to i've found in there, as well as some lovely stories and interesting conversations, resources, the works! i've felt very reaffirmed in my writing as well as been able to work through issues a lot faster since joining and i'd really like to be more active in talking to more people there...as i've said i'm just kind of shy + with some past experiences in fandom discord servers i'm a bit tentative to engage in active conversation, but i'm working on it!

in terms of pieces that've really fueled me this year, i'd say godsent stories including coffinofachimera's 'time passed', superglass's 'loved by your mother' and 'garden of eden', and @indiaalphawhiskey's 'our lives, non-fiction' as well as some old favorites like navigator's 'keep yourself warm' and some fics i've read for the untamed/mo dao zu shi really kept me inspired and clutching at my chest in feeling. i also hoard one-liners and book and poetry excerpts like mad and constantly go through my words tag as well.

also to everyone who's yelled at me over my momrry snippet to 'give him a baby alex i swear to god'—i see you and hear you and promise to not leave you disappointed!!

15. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year?

yes yes and YES i'm horribly self indulgent and love to sneak little bits and pieces of my real life into things i'm writing!! for one, if you notice a near-constant mention of food in my fics, it's usually because i'm craving that thing or thinking of making it irl and have to work it out of my system somehow. i'm a romantic with very little luck in love as well so a lot of my romantic desires, love languages and kinda relationship 'goals' show up a lot in my work, to kind of tide me over, haha. any gender talk in my fics also comes from a very personal place, and i actually dared to make some insinuations of unhealthy past relationships in 'you can lay your hands on me' with little hints of things that i've been through.

writing is very cathartic to me in general and sometimes it's easier for me to works things out through written word in versus in drawings because words can sometimes be less blunt than an image—you've got to piece things together to find the message instead of it staring you unblinkingly in the face, sometimes, and a blunt allegory is easier for me to translate into words than when i'm painting or drawing a lot of the time.

16. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

be kind to yourself, developing a style or rhythm that feels personal to you isn't an overnight process, take the time you need to get things done, you're always going to be your harshest critic, aaaand there's no harm in taking breaks from writing!

17. Any projects you're looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

vibrates i'm honestly so so SO excited for my momrry fest fic to come out...mild spoilers though because i'm technically writing two momrry fics—one for the fest and one i've been working on for almost a year now as part of the 'and the sun came out' series! so i guess i'm excited for my momrry fics to come out, lmao. i've actually gotten all of the momrry part planned out for ATSCO as well as most of it written, but because it's not the next part in the series itself i've got pretty much the entirety of part two to still write, but i finally figured out what i was stuck on for literal months and just know part two will be coming before too long, too!

18. Tag some writers whose answer you'd like to read.

i know i'm late here so feel free to ignore me if you've done this already but! tagging @ialwaysknewyouwerepunk @non-binharry @thestylinsons @dryourtearsaway @polaroidlouis @hershelsue @princelyharry @softfonds and anyone else that would like to! ofc as always no pressure <3

#tagged #writing tag #alex talks

5 notes · View notes

lilred8220 · 3 years

Text

Well, yet another fic no one asked for😃

I wanted to write this because some time go, I was watching the fireworks when this song started to play↓↓↓

And I just thought how romantic it would be if I wasn't forever alone 🙃 so, I build a story around that. I hope you enjoy it!

P.s. This is a F!MC

I had been so excited for this day! In the human realm, my hometown this time of year had a huge festival ending with a huge firework show. I had asked to go a week in advance but due to being in the Devildom for the exchange program, I couldn't go. It definitely was a disappointment. However Diavolo, seeing me upset and now curious about the tradition, asked all about it and he thought it sounded fun. Thanks to him always wanting to do anything new, he immediately decided to do the same here in the Devildom.

So through the long week, he asked about everything we would do at the event to make it much more fun and quickly get everything ready to make this last second festival. It somehow all came together and it feels almost exactly like the festival from the human realm. The food, sweets and all! Now it was the time to enjoy the festival!

The brothers couldn't understand why I was so excited for this. Though we all went to festivals and saw fireworks, It was just something that I would always look forward to this time of the year and it's just more special this time around. It kinda feels as if I'm sharing something that I love with everyone I care about in a place where I like to call my new home. Hopefully they'll come to enjoy this as much as I do.

"So, this is called an Elephant ear?“ Beel asked, drooling at the large fried sweet in front of him.

I laugh, as I grab a piece before he can scarf the treat whole, "Yeah, it's just fried dough with powdered sugar on it. They usually sell these at any carnival or festival." I pop the elephant ear in my mouth, savoring the amazing taste.

The brothers each had something to eat as we took a break from all the festival games littered around. We all take two picnic benches for the 8 of us, well, us and Beel's giant pile of food he got. Everyone had won something from the games…well everyone but me and Mammon. Mammon was determined to win a game, yet his luck seemed to be the worse for wear today and all the games we'd gone to all ended up with one of the other brothers winning the game. My luck honestly wasn't any better due to playing the same games that the others had won.

"I'm telling ya! Those games are rigged! The people runnin 'em are just a bunch of con artists!“ Mammon yells, clearly frustrated that he hasn't gotten anything.

"Or maybe you just suck lol" Levi says, holding a Ruri-chan plush to his chest.

"Honestly, you really shouldn't be surprised, you were pretty terrible at all those games since you had no choice but to play fair." Satan adds on, which all the brothers nod in agreement.

Asmo laughs, "Well, what do you expect from a scumbag?"

I start to get annoyed as the brothers all start to bash on Mammon. He seems fine on the surface but I've been around him long enough, with him basically living in my room and all, to see all his little ticks. Like when he's excited, his hand gestures are more dramatic, to emphasize his point or how his eyes light up when something catches his attention, like something to make a quick buck. However, right now, with the way his mouth slightly twitches and his hand shoved into his pockets, he's upset. He really only does this when the brothers throw insult after insult at him, like right now.

I sigh as they continue their assault on him. But an idea comes to mind and it'll be easy enough to pull off.

"Does...that all that stuff apply to me too? Since I didn't win anything either, after all..." I say, putting on my best pouting face and looking down at the ground.

Immediately, the brothers started to panic, trying to reassure me that it wasn't true, successfully drawing their attention away from Mammon. I slightly looked up, passed the frantic brothers to lock eyes with Mammon. He stood there for a moment, a bit confused by my sudden comment. I flash him a quick smirk before looking up at the brothers, accepting their apologies. The brothers seemed to relax and drop the topic after that, returning to the food they have. Mammon, who had seemingly understood what my intentions really were, looked at me, with his face slightly flushed, then stared down at his food.

In Mammon's mind, he honestly doesn't know what force sent Y/N here but, she is honestly the best thing that has ever happened to him. At first, he hated the idea of being her guardian due to all of the extra work he was given. But, as days turned to weeks, her treatment towards him was nothing but sweet and loving. It honestly was a huge adjustment for him, since everyone treated him like scum or useless, having her place so much faith in him, even defending him and doing little gestures like this, it makes his head spin. He honestly couldn't pinpoint when it happened, but, his feelings for her drastically changed, he couldn't deny it now, how he longed for her, wanted her all to himself. How he loved her unconditionally.

I smile, quickly finish eating my food then stand up, "Ok! Time to get back to the games!“ I say, excitedly.

"Y/N, I'm glad you are excited but some of us still need to eat." Lucifer says, glancing at Beel and his mountain of food.

"Awww, come on Lucifer, I wanna try to win something before the fireworks start." I plop down again, putting my chin in my hands.

"Well, I'm sure we'll have plenty of time." Lucifer tries to cheer me up, eating some fries.

Mammon looks up at Y/N, upon seeing her upset. He honestly hated seeing Y/N upset, even if for something so small as to wait for everyone to finish eating. He wanted nothing more than to see her smile everyday, it honestly was one of his favorite parts of the day to see her smile so sweetly. He'll do anything to make her happy. He sits up and scarfs down his food before standing up. "Ok, how 'bout this,' ' Mammon gets up and walks over to me, ' ' since I haven't won anythin', I'm gonna go play some more games and I'll meet ya guys later. Y/N, ya can come if ya want to." Mammon starts to walk away, at a slower pace than he usually would.

"Yeah! Ok!" Before any of the other brothers could protest, I quickly got up and hurried over to Mammon. I can hear the brothers stumbling to get up to follow us.

"Hey! Mammon is stealing Y/N!"

"That's not fair!“

"That scumbag..."

I hear some of the things they're saying as they seem to be trying to catch up.

I grab Mammon's hand and start to make a run for it. "Come on!" I glanced back at Mammon, who seemed shocked. He looks back to see the brothers in hot pursuit of us. Getting the hint, Mammon picks up the pace. We high tail it out of there, laughing like a bunch of kids all the while.

Me and Mammon finally stop and I flop on the floor, trying to catch my breath as Mammon puts his hands on his knees.

"I…I think we lost 'em" Mammon pants, out of breath from running around.

"I…I think so…jeez, how…how do you always do this when you get in trouble?“ I wheeze out, my human body not used to running as much as a demon. Especially if that demon is Mammon.

Mammon straightens up, finally catching his breath, "Well, I'm not usually running from ALL of my brothers, just Lucifer mostly."

Mammon reaches his hand to me and after a moment, I let him help me up. He helps me to my feet and when I look up, his face is very close to mine. We stare at each other for a moment before both of our faces turn more flushed than we already were.

His bright blue eyes that have a hint of that golden yellow has me in a trance. When I first met Mammon, it was the first thing that drew my attention, it's honestly something that I always find myself staring at all of the time. They are very beautiful to me and never fail to make me feel relaxed when I see them. But not only that, he is a very handsome man. His rich caramel skin with his pure white hair makes his face stand out even more. He is just so captivating to look at, however his personality is what truly makes him shine. Even if he tries, and fails, to hide his true feelings, he always has his heart on his sleeve, rather if he realizes that or not. He tries so hard to help me or to even make my day brighter when I'm not feeling my best. He even tries to protect his brothers and is always there for them. He honestly is the most caring person I've ever met and I can't help but fall for him because of that.

Mammon looked down at her face, he honestly couldn't help but stare. In his mind, she was more beautiful than anyone he's ever seen. Her beauty not only stopped at her looks but the person she was. She was a true wonder to him, too good to be true yet, here she was, defying all logic. All he wanted to do was look at every detail of her face, her eyes as they shine, her soft skin as the blush covers her face, her parted lips as her breath finally slows down. Mammon was the first to turn away, catching himself now staring at nothing but her lips.

He clears his throat. "W-Well since we're here, let's get to some games!" Mammon says, his fangs flash with his grin.

We made our way to the nearest game booth, both of us looking at the various prizes. The booth in question is a simple ring toss, the bottles are organized by colors which show what size prize you can get. There are the ridiculously large stuffed bears that are taller than me to the very small animal plushies. Scanning all the prizes, one catches my attention, a black plush crow with a yellow tag on it. It was big enough to hold in your arms, it's wings dangled at its sides. It had its beak opened slightly to look like a smile. I glance over at Mammon, who is currently eyeing a plushie of a grimm, that also has a yellow tag hanging off of it. I laugh, thinking of how that plush crow reminded me of him.

Mammon looks at me, slightly confused, "What are ya laughing at?"

"Oh nothing, though I know what prize I want." I smile, looking back at the crow plush.

Mammon follows my eyes over to the plush, he tilts his head at my choice, "Ya sure that's what ya want? There are plenty of things better than that ol' crow."

I nod enthusiastically, "Yeah, I think it's cute, like someone else I know." I playfully push him.

His ears turn a dark red but he laughs, "Well, I know what I want so, let's go and win some prizes!“

We pay the demon running the game and start trying to make the rings reach its mark. However, as in most carnaval games, the rings in question are only slightly bigger than the top of the bottles, making it much harder to win. Not to mention the bottles for the better prizes are further back, making it much harder. As we try a couple times, we don't get much luck and we're running out of grimms to play. However as we reach our last game, even though I end up with nothing, Mammon manages to sink a ring on a yellow bottle.

"We have a winner!“ the demon behind the booth says, walking over to grab the ring.

"Yeah! This was nothin' for the Great Mammon!" Mammon threw his hands in the air, and I cheered with him, "You did it! You won!“

The demon walks back over to us, "Alrighty, you can pick a prize with a yellow tag. Which will it be?"

Mammon's eyes flick to the plush he was eyeing earlier and he goes to speak, but an announcement rings through the speakers all around the festival, "The firework show will be starting in 15 minutes, marking the end of the festival! So hurry and grab a seat to enjoy the show!“ a cheery voice says before the music from before starts to play again. Mammon looks down at me for a moment before a small smile appears on his face.

Mammon looks at the demon and points at the plush crow, "I'll take that one."

I look up at Mammon, "But, I thought you wanted-“ I get cut off by the demon swift return, "Here you go." The demon hands him the crow plush.

Mammon takes the plush from the demon with his usual bright smile and starts walking off, I quickly follow, still confused. Once I catch up, he looks at me with a blush on his face and holds out the crow to me.

"W-well, there wasn't really anythin' I wanted, so I figured I'd get this ol' crow since ya seemed to want it so bad." He says with his usual bravado, yet it was a bit more shy than normal.

"But, you said…" I start to say as I take the plush but, cut my thought short.

Even though I know he wanted something, that much he's been saying all day, he still got me this crow plush. Knowing how he struggles to do these things and becoming a stuttering mess when it's pointed out, I choose to not question him. Yet, I can't help but love him even more, him knowing that I wanted something as well and that he'll be going back home later with nothing. I'll have to repay him later but for now, I'll just enjoy the rest of the festival with him.

I shake my head and give him a smile, one that shows how much I truly appreciate and love him, "Thank you so much, Mammon." I hold the crow close to myself.

Mammon feels all the air in his lungs escape him. Y/N's smile, the sparkle of joy and something more…intimate in her eyes. Honestly, for a split second, he found himself jealous of that crow, seeing Y/N holding it so lovingly. He wanted, no, needed to show her how much he loves her. If not tonight, it'll drive him insane.

After looking a bit, me and Mammon found a perfect spot to watch the fireworks. We sat on a hill that was a bit further away from the festival and luckily, we could still hear the music playing from one of the speakers nearby. We sat in a comfortable silence, waiting for the fireworks to begin. Which based on the amount of time it took to find this isolated spot, it should start at any moment.

Mammon is resting his arms on his knees as I sit with my legs crossed, the plush crow close to my chest. I watch all the demons in the distance hurrying to find a spot to watch the show as well. Thankfully, none of them seem to look in this direction. So right now, it's just us, alone.

After a few moments, Mammon looks over at me and shyly starts to speak, "H-hey, Y/N?"

I look back at Mammon, noticing his face slowly forming a blush, "Yes?"

"I…I wanted to tell ya-" Mammon gets cut off by the first firework going off.

We slightly jump, but my eyes widen as the firework show starts, "It's starting!"

I watch as the firework starts to make the usual dark Devildom sky shine bright with many different colors. All the while, a familiar song starts to play on the speakers, making this a moment that I want to treasure always. It was a song from the human realm and it was a song that made this moment feel more intimate. I honestly couldn't ask for a better day, I got to go to the festival with all my favorite people and I even had, dare I say it, a wonderful date with Mammon. The thought of going on a date with Mammon makes my cheeks burn but I truly wish that this day would never end.

Mammon's heart starts to pound in his chest, his gaze never leaving Y/N. He watches as her eyes glow with wonder, watching the fireworks as if it were the first time. She never looked more beautiful, more perfect than right now. If he was ever gonna make his move, it had to be now. Mammon opened his mouth to speak but he couldn't find it in himself to break her trance. However, his greed for her attention, her voice, her touch, for nothing but her, was growing. So, he closes his mouth and takes a deep breath. He leans closer to her as his shaky hand gently touches her cheek to turn her face towards him.

When I suddenly feel a light touch on my face, I snap back to reality. Before I can react, I feel my face being turned and suddenly, Mammon leans in, his eyes close and gently presses his lips on mine, like he's afraid that I'll break. My eyes widen, taking a moment to realize what is happening. Mammon, feeling me not move, starts to move away, most likely worried he did something wrong. But, not wanting to lose the moment, I quickly filled in the space he left, pressing my lips a bit harder than he did. Mammon tenses at my sudden movement but quickly melts into the kiss, holding my face with his hands. I place the plush to the side, momentarily forgotten, I place my hands on his chest for support.

The air stills, the world around us starts to disappear. The only thing to keep us from forgetting the world completely is the sound of fireworks and the song playing so sweetly.

I snake my arms around Mammon's neck, then he takes the chance to pull me in closer by my waist, closing the gap between us. Even though he was nervous at first, he seems to have relaxed, even nips at my bottom lip, causing me to gasp. He swiftly slips his tongue in my mouth, tangling it with mine, deepening the kiss. We held each other close, like we were afraid that the other would vanish.

Needing to breathe, we lean away slightly. I'm not sure when it happened, but I managed to end up on Mammon's lap. Mammon seems to also realize the position we're in and his breath hitches.

His hand comes up and holds my face, "I love ya, Y/N."

My heart flutters and I lean into his touch, "I love you too, Mammon. I…I always have."

"Y/N, I care about ya so much and I…I don't want anyone else trying to steal my most precious treasure from me. The thought of it kills me, because I'm yer first man." Mammon stops, becoming more shy, "I w-want ya to be mine and…I'll be yers…if ya want me."

I feel as though all of the butterflies in my stomach would explode out of me. I can't stop the big smile that appears on my face, "Mammon," I hold his face in my hands, "no one could ever take me away. And not only that but…" I bite my lip, feeling a bit bashful, "You already have me. Now and forever."

If Mammon could, his eyes would have hearts in them. He looked at me with such lovestruck eyes, his face is probably the most peaceful expression I've ever seen. I look back at him in awe, honestly have never seen him so happy, like he's on cloud nine.

A smile is plastered on his face, "I promise that I will be with ya till the end of time. I gotta be the luckiest demon in the whole festival, no, the Devildom. But, I guess I did win something at the festival after all." His smile suddenly turns into a smirk, "What do ya say we go somewhere more private and we can continue…this?"

My face turns red, but I nod. We stand up, I grab my plushie so that we can leave when I suddenly hear someone, or rather, some people, running this way.

"MAMMON!"

We spin around, both of us knowing too well who that voice belongs to. Lucifer and the rest of the brothers are running at full sprint in our direction.

"Oh shit!" Mammon yells out, quickly sweeping me off my feet, making a run for it.

Startled, I grabbed on to Mammon's jacket, making sure to not drop my crow plush, "Ah! M-Mammon!“

He looks down at me, " Well, I might get strung up later, but I'm yer man now. I want ya all to myself and I don't know about ya, but I'm not ready for tonight to end." He flashes his signature smile.

I can't help but laugh, as we make yet another escape from the brothers. This is truly the best day I could have asked for.

#obey me #obey me mammon #obey me mc #Spotify

19 notes · View notes

astersofthesky · 3 years

Text

Reasons why I ship LawLight

It's been a year since I last watched Death Note and up to this day, it still remains on my TOP 5 FAVORITE ANIME (alongside Attack on Titan, Daiya no Ace, Gintama, and the Inazuma Eleven franchise).

Be as it is, the ship between L and Light holds a special place here in my heart. And today I want to talk about the reason why I am head over heels for this painstakingly beautiful ship.

For a quick heads-up. "LawLight" is a non-canon ship pair from Death Note. The two person involved are Yagami Light also known as "Kira" and the Great Detective L otherwise known as Ryuuzaki. I believe that their trope belongs to the enemies to lovers. They are also the most famous ship for the said fandom.

I admit that I am a certified fujoshi. So when scenes like walking together under falling sakura leaves, going to a cafe for their date to confirm their suspicions about each other's identity, and was even CHAINED 24/7 were shown, I can't help but ship them despite the fact that they are LITERALLY TRYING TO KILL AND CATCH EACH OTHER.

Actually for me, what makes this ship so appealing is their cat and mouse chase. A criminal and a detective. The spark and sexual tension apparent in their battle of wits. Who shall fall first? Who shall emerge victorious? And I firmly think that this dynamic between them is also one of the biggest factors why this anime/manga became such a success.

In the eyes of a shipper, some of their interactions are seen as a potential fuel to lit a burning flame called romance. Another thing, they also complement each other.

Why? Well, let's look at Yagami Light first.

Light used the notebook to alleviate his boring mundane life. Because of his high IQ, normal things don't ellicit excitement for him. Also, always hearing about everyday crimes, his strong sense of justice tells him to rid the world of this disgusting humans who continue to cause chaos for the world. So, immediately grabbing the death note as an opportunity to make his ideals a reality, KIRA IS BORN.

Of course, no matter how good the intention is. Taking lives is still a murder. And the fact that Light wanted to take advantage of the situation to become GOD OF THE NEW WORLD, it's true essence is slowly turning into selfishness. Just like any ordinary case, the police have taken interest, no, it's more accurate to say that they were FORCED to take interest. With no more cards to play, the worldwide police decided to ask help from their trump card. Yes, the world's greatest detective L.

Hiding in a single gothic letter and synthetic voice, Light had found his other half. The yin to his yang. Why you ask?

It's simple. L is the only person who can match his intelligence. Who can see through his barrage of lies and alibis. He was the only one who doubted him, the only one who almost sent him to his doom.

He was the ultimate obstacle Light needed to overcome. Because of this thrill, of this danger, Light found true challenge. Other than the joy of killing criminals for his dream, battling with L brought an unexpected bliss deep within his soul. Because of L, his once dull world had been painted with complicated colors. L is the only one who can understand Light.

He is his enemy.

He is his Equal.

He is his captor.

The same goes for L.

Being the number 1 detective in the world, I bet that cases has become repetitive for him. With his astounding deduction skills, he could immediately solve a case while eating his favorite sweets. Thus the appearance of Kira is a mystery for him.

A highly difficult game for him to solve and win. As he said himself, he is childish and he hates to lose. So in order to win, he's given away his identity. He steps out of his shadows and approached Kira himself. Maybe it's a call for responsibility, a call for justice, or a call for his pride, whatever his reason is, he's willing to risk his life.

When he made contact with Light, he had realized that Light is the only other person who can see through him. His trials, his tests. Light never fails to amaze and surprise L. He had even considered him his successor, even though he only used it to test Light, with the latter quickly grasping the subtle accusation.

He is his enemy.

He is his captee.

He is Equal.

No one knows if their relationship had gone beyond detective and a criminal. If they ever had a genuine conversation. One without lies and hidden intention.

A talk as L and Light.

Looking at a watcher's perspective. A single particular scene showed a glimpse of their relationship. The rooftop and foot massage scene who fueled a lot of LawLight shippers.

"The bells are unusually loud today." - L

At the rooftop, L had asked Light if he had ever uttered a truth once in his life. With Light regaining his memories, L knows that this attempt is futile, yet he still tries. And maybe, even held a little hope that Light would surrender himself.

Light on the other hand, as expected caught the meaning of his question, within that short silence, he contemplated his answer even if it's just for mere seconds. But because Light had already steeled his resolve, he chose to lie.

He had already made a choice.

And that is to kill L.

And L himself knows it.

At the stairs, an intimate scene between them is shared. Both are drenched in the rain, then L suddenly offered a foot massage to Light. For non-shippers, they say that it's a Bible reference.

But for people like me, it's simply nothing but a bittersweet moment where for once, emotions are stirred and shared.

The atmosphere, their longing stares.

Light drying L's hair.

The exchange of words.

It truly is a very painful and touching picture.

"It will be lonely isn't it? You and I will be parting ways soon".

L is known for not showing his true emotions. Yet in here, he bares everything. From the way he looks at Light and that slight curve on his mouth, like he's very regretful of something. Maybe it's because he wasn't able to personally give him the verdict or it can also be what ifs and what would they have become if they didn't meet in this kind of circumstances.

On Light, he looked shock and somewhat sad. They say it was an act, but the knowledge of his arch-nemesis soon dying, the one who has been with him since this "chase" started, the one being who gave him thrill and pushed him to his limits, the one who for months, was chained with him 24/7, the only one who could stand as his equal, the one who made him feel, losing that person will surely give you mixed emotions, and I believe that the sadness there is genuine, even though it had been overshadowed by his delight for victory.

It was only a for a short moment but for once, they've dropped all facades as they face each other as L and Light, not Ryuuzaki and Kira.

After L's death, Light is shown to have lose some of his sanity. I've read in a site before telling that L was the one who's holding his ground. And with him gone, with the thrill of danger gone, Light suddenly found himself at loss. He spent months trying to rid of his enemy. His disappearance had caused a void in his heart.

I remember a certain scene where Light imagined L sitting at his usual chair. His eyes were dead and devoid of color. That's where he also started to lower his guard down. For him, L is his only formidable opponent, his other half. He is his equal. It proves with the appearance of Near, where Light says that he's far inferior to L. That he doesn't deserve to wear his mask.

Light had come to respect L.

In Light's final moments, he sees L. A hallucination some says. But they're missing a point here.

The fact that L showed up, either his soul or an imagination, means that he had become an important figure to Light. Maybe he was thinking what L said during the times that they are wearing the chains.

"As long as we are wearing this chains. You and I are bound to share the same fate. If you die, I die." - L Lawliet

Yes, the chains are gone, physically. But because Light had allowed L to become an important piece of his life, he had secured the chain for L to held him captive for as long as he's alive...and if you let your imagination wild, even after death.

This are the reasons why I fell in love with this ship.

They're both broken.

One is blinded by power.

One had secluded himself from the outside world.

Their chase will never be forgotten. A game that only the two of them understood knowing from the beginning that they will never achieve a happy ending. This painful and bittersweet ship will go down in history.

#death note #lawlight #lawlight death note #yagami light #l lawliet #l death note #shipping #light death note #analysis #austere writes #meta

107 notes · View notes