#kraus stuff

[kandyrezi]

your mirror image, 🌹🪞 and ice cream strawberries 🍧🍓

#pocket mirror #goldia die heilige #enjel (pocket mirror) #egliette (pocket mirror) #fleta (pocket mirror) #rpg maker horror #astral shift project #pocket mirror (game) #sweets and desserts #pink pixel art #goldenertraum #kraus stuff

[woundedtolove]

Hi, i'm sorry this is so out of the blue but would you mind sharing sadomasochistic literature recs pls? I love your other rec lists<33

yo not out of the blue at all. i realise i post a lot of content related to sm.

for fiction: besides the obvious bataille, you should look into colette peignot's collected writings under the name laure.

for some rewritten material on her there's kathy acker's my mother demonology. but everything by kathy acker relates to the subject: blood and guts in highschool, empire of the senseless.

(sidenote from an interview w kris kraus on her biography: According to Eleanor Antin, Kathy worked at a massage parlor in Solana Beach for a while, and she did not give massages. [...] She was also, at the same time, tutoring Latin. / If she didn’t give massages, what did she do? / Well, hand jobs, probably.)

another classic but story of o written by pauline réage plus its beautiful illustrations by leonor fini. it's actually said her fantastical owl masks inspired the character of o + she was really close to andré pieyre de mandiargues, whose one story la marge was adapted by walerian borowczky in immoral tales. then there's sacher masoch's venus in furs. you've probably already heard of anais nin's delta of venus.

i specifically highly rec mary gaitskill. bad behaviour is a great short story collection - one of the stories specifically inspired the film secretary (2002). her essay, the trouble with following the rules, on rape culture and agency published in harper's bazaar (later repub in somebody with a little hammer) is one rare occurrence of nuance and grace accorded to women who've had sexual experiences that are difficult to categorise. it gives a rundown of the ways she personally relates to feminist scholars on the subject too.

there's problems by jade sharma. for a more modern story of the eye, try ryu murakami's ecstasy.

for non-fiction (disclaimer that i mostly haven't read these but they are on my list):

gilles deleuze, masochism: coldness and cruelty ; avgi saketopoulou, sexuality beyond consent ; virginie despentes, king kong theory

if you're similarly interested in boundary-pushing experiences, the limits of the body, attraction to the horrific (i getchu) this is moreso sociology, aesthetics, psychoanalysis focused:

elaine scarry, the body in pain ; anne dufourmantelle, in praise of risk ; sylvère lotringer, overexposed: perverting perversions ; umberto eco, on ugliness

other media: the podcast drunk church, the director catherine breillat.

hope this is of help & if you read anything tell me how it went. i'm always looking for more stuff on the subject too.

[carionto]

It's too big

Part 1 2 3

"How's the Captain holding up?" the overqualified Haespar Kraus asked Trisha, who was just leaving Knoslark's quarters, with a very fine braid he noted.

"Awful, he didn't ask a single thing about sea turtles. It's like I was talkin' to a brick wall, that can knit. I mean I was literally starin' at a wall, but it's like there was nothin' behind me either."

"Well this won't cheer you up then. We need to go on another expedition."

"Already? No way is Ying up and about already, and this" she points an irritated finger at the sign on Knoslark's door, "stupid thing is technically an order from our superior to not do a damn thing."

"Quite. Another technicality is that we will not be leaving the ship for this journey. Remember how the warp jump fried all our quantum gear, as well as numerous sub-systems and left us with one running reactor? That list also includes the internal ship-wide scanners and most monitoring sensors. And the drone controls."

"No way. She can't be serious." Trisha's face began to pale at the realization of what they were about to embark on.

"I'm afraid so."

"TAMEKI!! DO YOU KNOW HOW BIG THIS STUPID SHIP IS! WE'LL BE GOING THROUGH IT FOR WEEKS!"

"Closer to three months. I did the math." Haespar said with a glint of smugness. He loved being right with numbers to back him up. Though it quickly faded as he was also part of this tour of the Radiant Dusk, "At least the turbo-lifts work, so at most we will be a seven hour crawl from everyone else at the furthest nook we have to inspect."

"Woooow, you really know how to cheer a girl up, y'know."

"Even better news then - we can't lift off into space on one reactor in this gravity, AND we don't know if there are any radiation or coolant leaks. Suits on at all times."

"Greeeeat! Now tell me the local aliens are building a giant box around our ship. That way I can be triple packaged."

"Well, they are pelting the ship and trying to get in, but unless they are keeping advanced metallurgy a secret, they won't succeed."

Trisha just rubs her hands over her face before slapping her cheeks: "Right. Okay. Fine. Imma take a nice long bath first. And eat a cake while I talk to Emily about the underground catacombs of Paris. You're NOT invited."

[chuckle] "Hey, I'm just the messenger."

"Well I hate messages, so nyee."

_______________________________

Human ships are big. Seemingly pointlessly so, but there is a reason for everything. Sure, it's not the best reasons, but they're legit.

You need big engines to carry a lot of stuff into space.

You need big power generators to have enough thrust.

You need bigger cargo holds since the generators are taking up too much space.

You need a stronger, thicker hull to keep it all together.

You need more powerful engines now to move all that extra mass.

You need additional lift chutes and corridors to connect all the parts of the ship

You need an army of drones to maintain all of everything.

You need a bigger cargo hold since everything else is taking up the previously allotted space now.

You need...

And it just goes on until somebody finally decides that a 10 kilometer long ship that can transform into a circle is enough engineering for one day. Then you hand it over to a crew of 27 and let them do whatever, you installed a few thousand redundancies and safety features (adding a few hundred thousand meters of wiring, piping and code and a million tons of matter and bumping everything else up a size category in the process, but who's counting) what could go wrong?

Nothing! You're an engineer who thought of everything, not an architect who draws ugly shapes.

So yeah, you try exploring every street and building and attic in your city. Then do it five more times because in space you can just build in every direction. Oh and take notes and pictures of everything, because if you don't, you might miss a loose cable.

And if you happen to be neglectful and try to turn on your star creating power reactors, you might end up with a permanent tan.

Continue->

#humans are space orcs #humans are space australians #humans are space oddities #humans are deathworlders #humanity fuck yeah #carionto

[theboarsbride]

ok sorry in advance for bothering you, feel free to tell me to get lost, but i was wondering if you, the resident expert, have any monster romance recs that aren’t way too. nsfw i guess? maybe it’s just me but i’m having a hard time finding any. like i’m more interested in the slow burn and the romance but the genre seems to be mainly fast paced erotica and i just can’t get into it

OOh!!! No need to be sorry, I'm always happy to answer stuff like this and talk about (cleaner) monster romances!! I'm honored you'd consider me an expert, though! 🥺💛I feel like I don't actually talk about monster romances all that much!

But I agree that it can be hard to find a monster romance that isn't erotica. Not that erotica isn't good, I just like seeing slow burn romances, too!

I wish I could provide a longer list, but here's what I got so far! (and if anyone finds this and wants to add onto this list, feel free to do so in comments, tags, reblogs, etc)

I will provide links/titles to these stories, say the genre(s), provide a short synopsis in my own words, and then say why I recommend it below the cut!

Axiom's End by Lindsay Ellis | sci-fi, alternate history, conspiracy fiction, action/adventure

"An alternate history novel set in 2008 where whistleblower Nils Ortega leaks information to the public that the US government is secretly harboring extraterrestrial refugees. Cora Sabino, Nils' daughter, finds herself developing a connection with one of these aliens after inadvertently becoming the sole communication between humans and aliens."

This series is fucking great!! Admittedly, the monster/alien romance take more of a backseat to the larger plot, and mostly focuses on themes surrounding humanity, human rights, language, trauma, etc. Ellis does such a great job at writing characters that are just so... human, and deep. There is so much complexity and nuance that goes into this series, and just... it's so good! Definitely recommend if you're more into the super slow burns, alien romances, alien action movies like Michael Bay's Transformers series or Independence Day.

"The Courtship of Mr. Lyon" and "The Tiger's Bride" in The Bloody Chamber by Angela Carter | Gothic, feminist fiction, fairytale retelling, horror, anthology

"'The Courtship of Mr. Lyon' follows the romance between Beauty and Beast after Beauty's father takes one of the lion-faced Beast's white roses while taking shelter following a car accident; in 'The Tiger's Bride' a young woman is sent to live with a mysterious masked man after her father gambles her away in a game of cards."

Honestly this book, though a collection of short stories, is one of my all-time favorite books! Carter's writing style is so, so gorgeous and lyrical, and she provides such fantastic, dark, moody, gory, horrific feminist fairytales. Her story "The Bloody Chamber" is also worth checking out! Honestly, this whole book is great!

Beauty: A Retelling of Beauty and the Beast and Rose Daughter by Robin McKinley | Fantasy, romance, fairytale retelling

"Classic Beauty and the Beast retellings."

Despite both being BATB retellings by the same author, both are so, so good in their own ways! While Beauty is way more classic and straightforward in its retelling, the characters are so endearing, the fantasy world is enchanting, and the writing is so *chefs kiss*. Rose Daughter is much the same, only slightly more adult in its tone and writing style - and its ending!

The Shape of Water by Guillermo del Toro and Daniel Kraus | Romance, historical

"A mute janitor working in a high-security government facility falls in love with an amphibious creature."

Yeah, yeah, this is basically the novelized version of the movie lmao. I've not read the whole novel itself, but it's not half-bad!! It's decent enough - though I still feel like the movie to be better. Still worth checking out, I think!

Frankenstein's Monster by Susan Heyboer O'Keefe | Historical

"A sequel, of sorts, to Mary Shelley's classic novel. What becomes of Frankenstein's monster after Frankenstein dies? Where does he go, left to wander the earth?"

Not really a romance, per say, but there are SOME elements of romance! Mostly, this book follows Frankenstein's monster following the OG novel, who he all meets, and it is very much a character study on the monster! It's super fascinating, but its writing style is super similar to Mary Shelley's, so this very much reads like a classic novel. Honestly, I love how O'Keefe was able to mimic Shelley's style so well! But, again, romance is way more lowkey and this is more of a character study than anything else. Definitely reccomend if you loved the OG Shelley novel!

Beauty and the Beast by Megan Kearny | Webcomic, romance, fantasy, fairytale retelling

"A retelling of Beauty and the Beast."

Beautifully illustrated and wonderfully told, this comic is just SO GOOD!! It very much has the same vibes as Robin McKinley's novels, and is steeped in a cozy fantasy atmosphere! The characters are so loveable, the story intriguing, and just AAAUUGGGHHH SO GORGEOUS!!

Netvor: Beauty and the Beast by @rosesnwater | Fantasy, romance, fairytale retelling

"Aceline Capet swears to slay the monster Netvor that lurks in the forest surrounding her village - and ends up becoming entrenched in the world of magic and monsters and Fae."

LEGIT JUST UGH!!!!!!!! THIS NOVEL IS SO FUCKING GOOD!! Legit this is one of my all-time favorite reads from this year! If you love fantasy featuring actual, lore-accurate faeries and super intriguing slow burn romance with endearing characters, please please PLEASE check this out!!!!!!! I SWEAR YOU WONT BE DISSAPOINTED!! Definitely recommend if you love fantasy movies like Legend, Labyrinth, Thumbelina, Howl's Moving Castle, Disney's Beauty and the Beast, etc. or books like Naomi Novik's Uprooted, Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream, Robin McKinley's work, etc.! It also currently being rewritten as a(n equally beautiful) webcomic that should definitely be checked out as well!

That Which We Call Beast by @raph-fangirl | Historical fiction, romance, fairytale retelling

"A young woman is seeking marriage, and comes into contact with a mysterious bachelor that hides himself from her behind a veil."

Basically if Jane Austen wrote Beauty and the Beast! Definitely a well-written slow burn! It's not completed yet, but with what's available to read it's legit so beautiful!! The prose is so well-crafted, and it legit feels as though I'm reading an Austen novel! Definitely recommend if you love films like the 2005 adaptation of Pride and Prejudice!

Then uhhhh not to toot my own horn but if you wanna read a Victorian Era Gothic romance-horror BATB retelling with a pathetic meow-meow of a monster I offer my story The Monster and the Butterfly- 🤲🥺

These are all the recs I have for now! Again, if there are any you'd like to add, whether they be published, a friend's online work, or your own work!! I hope these are helpful and satisfactory enough for ya!

Again, I love talking about monster romances, thank you so so much for this ask!!!! 🥺💛

#jojo rambles #jojo reads #monster romance #monster lover #monster romance books #monster boyfriend #monster x human #human x monster #book recs #book recommendations #bookblr

[brothersonahotelbed]

omg what r ur favourite books from ur library. like not necessarily anything you've read but just the stuff you think are really interesting and look fun, and also what is ur favouritest section with the most awesome books

i have waited my whole life for this moment.

queen of the cicadas and goddess of filth – v. castro

the saturday night ghost club – craig davidson

pet – akwaeke emezi

the library of the dead – t.l. huchu

frankenstein in baghdad – aḥmad saʻdāwī

literally anything by grady hendrix. i've read the southern book club's guide to slaying vampires and loved it because i felt it was a good mix of fun + scary + impactful. horrorstör and my best friend's exorcism look good too & they're on my reading list!

october – michael rowe. i always recommend this one even though i'm not 100% sure that it's Good Writing or a Good Story, but i thought it was very fun and has one of the craziest opening chapters i've ever read, i mean it.

voices: the final hours of joan of arc – david elliott

ace of spades – Faridah Àbíké-Íyímídé

kaleidoscope – brian selznick

too bright to see – kyle lukoff (this i found in the juvenile fiction section and read it in 1 day. don't be deceived though it fr changed my life)

they threw us away – daniel kraus. this one is also from the juvenile section and i haven't read it but it sounds fun.

infinite noise – laura shippen

gory details: adventures from the dark side of science – erika engelhaupt

currently i'm reading secrets so deep by ginny myers sain. it's crazy good. her writing style reminds me a lot of my own so maybe that's why i'm so drawn to it but it's reaaaallly good so far.

i haven't read most of these but i've read their synopses while working at the library and they all sound so good 🫶 a majority of them Are supernatural/horror fiction because that's kind of what i always find myself stumbling across during my rounds <3 hope you enjoy ily

okay as for my favoritest section of the library with the awesomest books i'd definitely have to say adult nonfiction in the 100s. paranormal stuff + books on demonology and aliens and stuff :]

#fatalismboyfriend

[senso1954]

my 2023 favies tagged by @dejavu2006

ALBUMS!

i wanted to do all 2023 released but i never listen to new music so some random stuff too...

BOOKS!

the line of beauty, alan hollinghurst

i love dick, chris kraus

ninety-nine stories of god, joy williams

frankenstein....

the owl service, alan garner

galatea, john lyly

FILMS!

here's all first watches

and here's all the ones from this year i liked, unranked (mccarthy and cohn for size)

yay i'm so bad at remembering urls tagging @ikonofilizm @wombesties @raskolnikovsgf @beholdingslut @gothiccoherence if you feel like it

#raph.txt #tag game #nobody has to do it exactly like this. use your own system

[eldritchwhispersofficial]

TRIBETWELVE HEADCANONS/ ALTERNATE UNIVERSE INCOMING (TW: Nazis, mental illness, A literal eldritch demon, and lots of murder and blood+gore)(It's TribeTwelve, what did you expect)

BOOM GUESS WHO JUST READ SEBASTIAN'S JOURNAL http://slendermanarkive.wikidot.com/journal-of-sebastian-kraus I DID THATS WHO HERE COME THE FUCKING HEADCANONS FOR MY AU (Lilacverse) THAT I PROMISE I WILL WRITE MORE ON AS SOON AS MY MENTAL HEALTH DOES A REPAIR Sebastian Kraus

Depression! Also, ANXIETY! Also, PTSD!!!

Needs therapy + a hug

Not ACTUALLY a bad person, despite being a N*zi.

Was more or less forced into joining the N*zi Party due to a number of factors: societal pressure, peer pressure... oh, and the need to hide the fact that his beloved Anna is Jewish.

Anna is Jewish in this AU. Sebastian joined the N*zi Party solely to protect her- after all, who would suspect the wife of a N*zi officer to be a Jew? The perfect cover up. Sebastian did not agree with the massacre of the Jews, of course, especially since his wife is one, but it was either join the N*zis or flee the country. And they couldn't flee the country because...

Anna was pregnant. Yep. And the stress of having to flee her homeland would have been VERY, VERY bad for her. Not to mention that she had several relatives who she simply COULDN'T leave behind. Between the pressure to join from all of Sebastian's friends and the pressure of the Third Reich being in total control of Germany, it was only a matter of time before either Anna had a nervous breakdown or the N*zis discovered she was a Jew.

Just in case someone happened to read his journal, Sebastian wrote down all that stuff about enjoying being a N*zi. That way, no one would suspect him of secretly despising the party and what they stood for.

The fact that Anna died anyway (her neck was ripped open by the Administrator) shook Sebastian entirely to his core. He was already regretting not fleeing the country with her when he had the chance, and this just made everything he had done seem useless.

Sebastian succumbed to the Administrator, becoming the proxy known as Swain.

Swain is known as the Lover, because he loved Anna more than anything. Lars Mueller (Henka Visae)

He is the Nationalist, because he loves Germany. Not the N*zi Party, Germany.

Lars grew up hearing about how Germany was in the old days, before all of the atrocious leaders they had. He wanted to change the country. To fix it.

He joined the Nazi Party, not because he agreed with their ideals, but because he disagreed with their ideals. He became a spy for the Allied forces, using the code name Henka Visae and reporting information back to the Allies.

He accidentally developed a friendship with Sebastian.

He was inHABITed for part of the war, while HABIT was trying to stop the N*zis from summoning Gorr'Rylaehotep and basically ending life as we know it. Lars was simply the most convenient host.

This led to Lars having a breakdown and believing he was Henka Visae. Which led to him getting shot by Sebastian and proxified by the Administrator.

Ended up joining Novus Ordo Europa to spy on their doings. Karl Maxwell

Jewish.

Frequently punches N*zis.

Sat in a tree with a sniper rifle and witnessed Sebastian's camp being destroyed by the Administrator with an expression of "What the actual fuck" on his face.

Initially hated Sebastian and Lars but then felt really bad for them after finding out neither of them actually wanted to be in the Third Reich and hated the N*zi party.

The reason Sonya and Tommy drowned was because Karl went for Sebastian's journal in order to keep it out of the hands of the Collective. Lars tried to rescue Sonya and Tommy, but failed. Karl was upset with him for a long time, but eventually forgave him after realizing he couldn't possibly hold Lars more accountable than he held himself.

Karl was the very first person to know that Milo was a trans woman. Even before she told Kevin or Noah. He supported her immediately.

He isolated Mary for two reasons: to keep the journal out of her hands, and because he believed keeping his identity as Persolus a secret from her would make the Administrator less likely to hurt her. He resents her for the horrible person she became, but also resents himself for never being there for her. He did better with Sharon, at least.

Has killed multiple members of Novus Ordo Europa (The Order). Resents Mary for joining them, and is disgusted with her for dragging Milo into this whole mess.

For a long period of time, no one knew where Sebastian's journal had gone. Karl hid it in a location that was nearly impossible to find, and used Severance to literally sever his memories of it. This is what eventually led to his senility. By sheer accident, Patrick Andersen found it. HABIT warned him not to read it and convinced him to send it to him. HABIT read the journal himself, realized "hmm, Noah's probably going to need this someday." and mailed it back to Karl so it would eventually end up in the right hands.

Karl gave the journal to Milo because he knew she was destined to be Scars, and would kill Cursor. He wanted her to set things right.

#slenderverse #tribetwelve #karl maxwell #sebastian kraus #lars mueller #sebastian my beloved #sebastian deserved better #lars deserved better #karl deserved better #swain tribetwelve #deadhead tribetwelve #persolus tribetwelve

[sapphyreopal5]

I don't know what an aa is but I am a Jensen fan who likes jared

Are you sure about that anon? You have not said a single even remotely nice thing about Jared. You claim its just his fans you hate but you seem to be holding a lot of rage for the Pads. You have dragged everything about them and no, tacking on "nothing wrong with that" every time you drag them doesn't change your intent (which is loud and clear to everyone anon).

And where does JARED do those things anon?? Gen's whole schtick is mom/lifestyle brand. SHE does ads and on occasion the fam is in them but that's it. The kids aren't even in them as much as they get older. She used to be a mommy blogger, so yea, her family was part of what she talked about. Now its more lifestyle/books/going green/etc vs just family stuff.

Show me an ad involving Jared recently anon. Gen and Jared POSTING about each other is not automatically an ad, no matter what you have convinced yourself of anon. I'm looking through Gen's ig now and the posts with Jared are just family pics celebrating bdays, etc. He's in a few of her book posts but that's promoting her book club, not an ad. Seriously though anon, show me ads with Jared (and not from years ago). He's on her account on a few book club posts (because he also read the books and was in the discussions), he's in some of the posts she makes about work (a few con posts and a handful of Walker posts), other than that its just her posting the family or their trips. I went through all of her 2023 posts and that's what he was in.

His account he has promoted Walker, a few random cons, and his Stands campaigns (for AKF which is a charity anon). Should he not promote his show or charity??

So anon, before you start performatively yelling about "THE PADS DO ALL ADS ALL THE TIME" maybe just, I don't know, check yourself??

And the difference between the Pads and the Ackles and money are a couple fold but lets just go for some basics since you seem extremely mad at the Pads for this whole thing anon. Gen (I will talk about her because she's really the only one selling things from the Pads even though anon likes to generalize) makes her little promo ad vids and posts and shares links for a percentage off and if you buy the products using her link she gets some money (she has actually said that the money she makes from these ads goes into TOWWN so she's using it to sustain her passion project, not just to line her pockets). She is not forcing you to buy things in order to interact with her or Jared. The Pads actually still interact with fans on sm from time to time just because. The Ackles basically all but ignore their fans unless money is involved. You want to see Jensen at a "concert"? Better get ready to bust into your savings because those $700 tickets aren't cheap. Want to "run into" them at FBBC? Don't worry, that only costs $1,000 for their "membership" which basically only guarantees you meet Jensen for a quick photo op like its a con (they legit had a photographer at the members only party and Jensen stayed in the back and only interacted with fans during those ops minus a wave here or there). The Pads (aka Gen) makes ads for stuff and you can take it or leave it. The Ackles have monetized themselves.

Well thank you for quite the ask here Anon, I appreciate you advocating for me here. I am going to say that both of you actually have made some good points here and also some not so correct points. What the other Anon was talking about with the ads on Gen's page is that her page is mostly full of ads. I myself asked with the cake post made a few days AFTER Odette's birthday and I think on Tom's actual birthday "is this about Odette's "cake dreams" coming true or an ad for that specific cake company [thewhittexperience]?" Also, the book club talk about the Daniel Kraus book "Whale Fall" with the author himself and surprise, Jared with the potential for a Meet and Greet back in October could be perceived as an "ad" that was using Jared to get more people interested in what's primarily Gen's book club.

Most of Gen's posts on her public page are as you said Anon, affiliate commission type of partnerships. Also, on another note I keep seeing ads for Jared's Always Keep Fighting attire on Instagram, which I can't blame Jared but I will say that people have been criticizing the Pads for years talking about them both being walking advertisements. Now, I've read from other followers on here things about "branding" and celebrities and whatnot. This isn't too far off the mark with what I think Gen is trying to do with her social media presence, establishing her "brand" as an environmentally conscious homestead type of individual who cares about the environment. Jared's "brand" happens to be Always Keep Fighting and talking about depression, anxiety, etc. Now as for Gen, her "brand" and her approach to it could also on the flip side here be perceived as also promoting consumerism while claiming to be environmentally friendly and "green" (two pretty conflicting philosophies admittedly). She did admit to being a bit hypocritical when she had chosen to get breast implants at the age of 40 per this video post she made during the Bathroom Chronicles Episode 11 podcast. She ultimately had them removed after she realized she started having issues running no more than 2 miles and then developed some joint pains within 6-8 months after getting the implants. She's 43 today so she had them put in 3 years ago, fairly recent if you ask me.

As for the Ackles, I would say that for the FBBC membership fees I personally feel like this is more of a Gino thing than a Jensen thing to be quite frank. I think that he is probably being dragged into doing these said meet and greets at FBBC to bring in more money for the otherwise doing poorly business. I mean, they had to shutdown production at the FBBC main location but still have 1 other location where they do the actual brewing. Rumor has it that they let go of several staff members from various departments not just the brewers back in December. This post here is one where a brewer informed people he was being laid off in January from FBBC, due to no longer producing beer at the main location. The topic of FBBC and how it's showing many signs it's doing poorly is a whole different ballpark but it is my understanding it is mainly being run by Danneel's brother Gino these days. There are also some crazy fans that show up to FBBC looking for Jensen (looking at you Jensensgroupie). This isn't excusing Jensen's hiding in the back when fans were promised some interaction time with Jensen. It's like I said however, in this particular instance I would say this is an obligation thing to merely keep FBBC afloat which seems to be a main source of income outside of cons for Jensen...

Overall, I think in ways both the Padaleckis and the Ackles "sell themselves" out to fans. However, given the number of "out in the wild" photos I've seen both Jensen and Jared willingly and happily (at least seemingly) take with fans at times, I can't entirely agree with either notion that the Pads and/or the Ackles will only interact with fans if it means they get money out of it or if it means exposure/"content" if you will. I frankly have no interest in participating in the Jensen versus Jared battle that's ongoing, it just goes round and round the hamster wheel and we'll learn nothing new or gain anything from the conversation.

#jensen critical #genevieve critical #jared padalecki

[mxnsterbabe]

Books I've read (and games I've played) that literally changed my brain chemistry. Like, I don't know if it's just because I've started consuming more media recently or what, but I've read some books in the last year or so that have really messed me up - in a good way tho!

The romance!

The Warm Bodies series by Isaac Marion. A very loose, post-apocalyptic Romeo and Juliet.

Land of the Beautiful Dead by R Lee Smith. Monster smut with plot, and lots of feels. Very dark, but there is a happy ending!

The horror!

Bent Heavens by Daniel Kraus. This one is weird and difficult to explain, you really have to read it. It's takes a dive into unexpectedly dark territory about half way through, though.

The Luminous Dead by Caitlin Starling. Sci-fi horror about a woman going caving. Super creepy, really delves into like. Isolation and detachment from reality.

I'll Bring You the Birds from Out of the Sky by Brian Hodge. A very weird short story about fungi taking over a town.

The Hollow Places by T Kingfisher. Modern retelling of The Willows by Algernon Blackwood. More weird than scary, but the weird really makes it!

The other stuff!

SOMA (game). Sci-fi, apocalyptic, themes of isolation and sense of self. It starts off as a fun, weird little game and then leaves you thinking what the hell by the end.

Bloodborne. It's Bloodborne. What else do I need to say?

Bioshock. Again, I literally can't explain how much I adore these games!

Chameleon Moon by Roanna Sylver. One of my favourite books of all time! It has super powers, it has trans and gay rep, it has a cute lizard man. What's not to love?

The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet by Becky Chambers. It's basically a slice of life, but in space. I'm still reading it, but apparently the ending will kick me in the feels. Also, I might be in love with one of the characters XD

#making this post in the hopes people will either already know 'em #or will read 'em later #bc i NEED more people to talk abt these books with!!

[kandyrezi]

tea and cake. 🍰🍵

#pocket mirror #fleta (pocket mirror) #egliette (pocket mirror) #rpg maker horror #astral shift project #fleta #egliette #pink pixel art #sweets and desserts #pocket mirror (game) #kraus stuff

[lizardgimpking]

Book Review: The Living Dead (Daniel Kraus, George A. Romero)

Been wanting to read this for a good long while (Well, 2019 I guess). First, I had to wait for the standard annual wait between hardback and the more desirable/affordable paperback, then I had to wait for that to be a bit more affordable too. And, well...I also had to muster up the determination to actually read the damn thing, because this book is huge, and whilst not the biggest book out there by any means, it’s very easily the largest one I’ve read since I rekindled my love of books during the Covid lockdown in 2020.

And it is big for a reason, this is a true epic of a zombie novel, one that spans over a decade and follows a huge assortment of different characters in a wide array of different locations/circumstances. Across nearly 800 pages (In the paperback at least), this is the late, great George A. Romero’s definitive and final word on the ‘Dead’ series he created back in 1968. One that covers pretty much everything you could hope to cover on the subject, and it does so with his well known understanding that largely it’s less about the zombies and more about the blood-soaked mirror they hold up to the real world and the way humanity behaves within it. But still ripping guts out and all that fun stuff. The best of both worlds, I say! Now, obviously Romero himself didn’t write the novel, or at least he didn’t manage to finish it. Daniel Kraus was brought in to write it after the legendary director’s passing in 2017, using unfinished writing, notes and plans, and various loosely connected short stories by Romero to bring this final piece of work to life. Now sadly, and despite a chunky authors note at the end which is well worth the read, I remain unclear on how much of this was actually Romero’s work and how much has been improvised by Kraus, but all the same it ended up a mostly quite excellent read.

‘The Living Dead’ is broken up into three acts. More-so it’s broken up into two acts with a short bit of connective tissue between to bridge the large gap of years between start and end. The first act is set broadly in the first couple weeks of the ‘Dawn’, charting what could well be the first instance of someone coming back from the dead, and then exploring, through a wide array of perspectives and locations, how humanity responds to the end of the world as we know it. Amongst our collection of protagonists are a pair of pathologists, a woman living in a trailer park, a TV journalist and a Naval officer stationed on a aircraft carrier. To name but a few. Needless to say all their differing locations, ages and perspectives lead to a multitude of different tones and scales. With the Naval element providing the kind of bombastic insanity that would’ve likely never made it to the big screen for budgetary/content reasons, whilst the pathologist thread is more intimate and sombre. The main things connecting all these stories, bar some loose shared elements, is both the viscerally described and brutal nature of the violence that ensues, and the way in which both modern American life, and the concept of death and undeath, are explored in both sociopolitical and philosophical contexts. There’s a lot of ‘evil phone bad’ kinda stuff that didn’t quite work for me, but beyond that it’s all quite engaging, and turns the novel into as much of a grim reflection on human nature, in all its highs and lows, in addition to faith and class/race division, as it is a blood and guts zombie epic. Which is exactly what Romero’s ‘Dead’ films were like at their absolute finest. The second act, which I won’t spoil the grander details of, takes place over a decade after the dead rose, and sees several of the previously established characters ending up in the same location. In my opinion, this act is where the novel gets the most wild and interesting with its zombie elements. Again, it’s best left discovering yourself, but there’s certainly a lot more to all of this than just zombies munching on legs and limbs, and this more nuanced and elaborate take on the undead, again, feeds into the politically charged and ultimately pessimistic vibes of the overall story.

And it is a mostly quite grim read. If you aren’t into gore, even when written down on paper, this isn’t the book for you. If you’re looking for something that will raise your spirits or offer happy endings...you clearly haven’t watched Romero’s previous works in the genre, that much is certain. This is a bleak and brutal epic that questions humanities role on the Earth, and whether or not they can ever ultimately turn around the sinking ship that is modern civilisation into something better for both us, and the planet. There’s a lot of heavy, existential themes to contend with, so if you’re just looking for a bit of spooky fun, this ain’t gonna do it for you. Especially given its titanic length. Personally, I found it all quite fascinating and gripping to read through. I was really worried before starting that this was going to be a slog...it’s a huge book, and if a huge book isn’t hooking you in, then you’re going to be stuck on it for a long time. Fortunately I enjoyed it a lot, and whilst some elements maybe overextend into goofy or extremely contrived territory, as a lot of Romero’s works ultimately did, even those were at the very least still striking and entertaining.

This is certainly a much better final word on the zombie phenomena Romero himself created back in the 60s, as opposed to the, frankly, abysmal ‘Survival of the Dead’ from 2010, which sadly constituted his final cinematic work. With Romero’s ideas and Daniel Kraus’ strong and poetic writing, this is a must-read for any fan of the genre, and indeed any fan of the ‘Dead’ series of films. Some of it may come across as a little familiar (Shades of ‘World War Z’ for instance), as a lot of zombie material does these days, but ultimately the scope and final destination of the epic journey make this one of the definitive works of zombie media. Flawed in parts, but still highly recommended.

Read it or Leave it : Read It.

Reading Next (The Lamplighters by Emma Stonex)

#Books #Novels #Review #George A. Romero #Romero #Dawn of the Dead #Dead of the Dead #Daniel Kraus #Horror #Zombies #The Stickman #Reading

[carionto]

Something was supposed to be there

Part 1 2 3 4

"Explorer's log, the Radiant Dusk at Everest, Day 1. Me, the impeccable Trisha, alongside with my irritating companion Haespar, (Haespar: Hey now, no need to be rude) (Trisha: and my point stands proven. Hush now, this is my documentary!)

and the lovely Silent Engineer Emily, (Trisha: Emily silently blushes, hehe) (Haespar: ignore her listeners, she's making things up) (Trisha: stop being irritating, you're just giving me more stuff to edit out later)

are making our way towards our first objective - the teleporter-warp engine hybrid thing. (Haespar: very documentary-like choice of words) (Trisha: see what I have to deal with viewers? No respect for the arts) (Haespar: I thought this was a documentary.) (Trisha: Gah, that's it, your character is gonna meet a tragic end at the start of this and I'll make you into a ghost in editing or something)

A-hem! Emily and I, after making our way through the desolate crash landed Dusk, mourned the death of our associate, Mr Kraus, who fell victim to faulty electrical cabling dangling from the dark ceiling. Tragic. (Haespar: I don't even get a eulogy? That hurts my feelings. *grins*) (Emily: *light chuckle*) (Trish: *gasp* Emily, I thought you were on my side! And you, wipe that smile off your face, you're dead now)

However, the two of us, accompanied by a SILENT ghostly visage of the fallen person, continued on with our critical mission to assess the condition of this deadly ruin of a ship, and figure out if we have what we need to make our way back home. (Haespar: Just to be on the record, the ship is perfectly fine, structurally, the lights work and life support systems are all green and we are walking along a nice, flat and wide hallway with no obstacles or hazards) (Trisha: buzzkill)

After hours of grueling work (Haespar: not even 20 minutes since we started) AFTER HOURS OF GRUELING WORK, we have finally made it to the first checkpoint. Emily, using her superior skills and knowledge of technology, has taken upon herself the mighty task of reverse engineering the broken down doorway (Haespar: aka - showing her ID to the terminal) to grant us access to the abandoned chamber (Haespar: pretty sure I went here two days ago) that holds the first key information we need.

The door creaks open under the weight of history to reveal...

uhh, okay. What are we actually looking at?" Trisha is forced to return to a normal way of talking as reality is now proving to be less boring than she expected.

Haespar, also quite stunned by what they see: "That's a big hole where the room with the telerporter-warp hybrid engine was supposed to be."

"There's scorch marks." Emily chimes in, "It looks like a perfect sphere. Maybe 30 meter diameter."

Indeed, a massive empty space where not only the hybrid engine was housed, but a few other less relevant rooms across five different floors were as well.

"It's like someone took a laser cutter to all of this, like in that movie, Terminator, where that guy comes back from the future and there's this cool effect and the ground where he lands is all like cut off and stuff."

"I'll take your word for it, Trisha." Haespar gets on the comms back to the bridge, "Ira, we've reached where the hybrid engine was. It didn't come with us and disintegrated a large section around it, Emily will send you precise details shortly."

On the other end, Chief Engineer Ira Tameki silently absorbed the new information. After a long pause and a deep breathe, she collected herself: "Understood. Leave that area alone, but continue with the task. We still need to know the status of everything else on this ship. I need to talk to the Captain."

"I don't know if telling him will do any good in the state he's in right now." Haespar suggested, but Ira shook her head, even if he can't see her.

"Probably not, but he needs to know we're stuck with no way of getting back currently. The sooner he begins digesting reality, the better."

"Alright, I hope you're right."

"Me too."

Continue->

#humans are space orcs #humans are space australians #humans are space oddities #humans are deathworlders #humanity fuck yeah #carionto #story #scifi #uh oh i'm writing dialogue

[skrunklybf-archived]

darling; jean kirstein x f!reader

chapter two: rowdy

chapter summary: [y/n] learns a little about what jean does when she's not around.

tags: childhood friends, childhood bullies, mention of bruises, sneaking around, fluffiness, protective jean

wc: 2.7k

notes: [y/n] is a summer baby bc i said so ((: also dw, there's plenty more jean interactions coming <3

series guide | previous chapter | next chapter

My only love sprung from my only hate,

Too early seen unknown, and known too late!

Prodigious birth of love is it to me

That I must love a loathed enemy.

How odd, the young boy pondered one afternoon, that so many wonderful things were shuffled into such strict, frigid categories. The most interesting girl in Trost was labeled off limits, untouchable, inconceivable. How exactly was he supposed to take that as anything but a minor bump in the road?

Sunshine tickled the girls youthful cheeks as she gasped for air. Nobody could hear the boisterous sound, nobody except for the source of humor, standing hunched with his trousers pulled far too high on his torso.

"Hey, squirt!" Jean squeaked in a mockingly high voice, stifling his own giggles under a twisted scowl. "Did I say you could laugh? Nobody's allowed to have fun 'cept for me!" he continued, yanking the waistband even further up his chest, hands landing on his hips.

"You're an even better William than William is." [Y/N] wheezed, tears beginning to brim her eyes.

She tossed herself back into the lush grass, a bubbling fit of giggles. Jean quickly eclipsed her view of the wide open sky, peering down at her from above with a toothy grin. "No wonder he yells so loud with his pants up his butt like that." the boy mused.

Such pleasantries usually followed rough days where one of them got caught in wicked crossfire. Unrelenting in his baseless torment, William Kraus proved to be a repeating villain in both of their stories. Though Jean rarely detailed his own encounters, [Y/N] found it near impossible not to spill the grueling details to her best friend, who reluctantly wasn't always around to save her. Jean eyed the finger-shaped bruises dotting her forearm. How pitiful the redhead must be, picking on a girl much smaller and a few years younger than him. Jean blanched at the thought of his mothers reaction if he dared act in such a brutish way. Truthfully he'd never see daylight again, nor would he have the free time to meet up there, in their meadow tucked behind a line of trees, securely out of sight.

"Maybe he's insecure. That's what Gramma says -- people get mean when they don't like themselves." [Y/N] hummed, laying a lazy arm over her eyes. Jean adjusted his pants to a normal level and plopped down beside her, kicking up sweet floral smells in his wake. "I guess so. I wouldn't like myself either if I were him." he replied. Buzzing insects flitted between them, indicating how fast summer was approaching the town.

"Hey, did you wanna see what Mr. Kipp is up to?" the dirty blonde chirped. [Y/N] peeked at him from under her arm. "I should probably get back home, actually," she sighed, "since it's almost my birthday, Dad said I need more responsibilities, so he's gonna teach me how to clean the oven."

"Teach you? Don't you just, like... scrape off the burnt bits?"

She sat forward, rolling her eyes. "He's, like, super strict about that stuff. If you came over you wouldn't be able to tell the place is, like, a million years old."

Jean pouted quietly to himself. That's right... in a few days, it would be [Y/N]s birthday -- oh, how decadent birthdays tended to be when your family owned their own bakery; endless sweets, endless treats, endless tummy aches the following day. Jean regarded the day as bittersweet, much like his own birthday, where a handful of guests arrived to celebrate him in cheer... except, of course, the only person he actually wanted to come.

Feeling forlorn, Jean snatched her idle hand into his own, playing with her fingertips. He watched the digits bend to his will, so soft under his rougher touch. "Don't pout." [Y/N] smiled gently, her half lidded gaze fixed on his quickly reddening face.

"I'm not pouting." he lied.

It was so easy to read him and his mannerisms, after two years of spending nearly every free moment together. Jean wore his heart on his sleeve, unlike any other twelve year old boy she knew from around town. It was as endearing as it was frustrating. Nobody despised their predicament more than Jean Kirstein himself, often hatching elaborate plans to run away together and start a new life somewhere in a bigger city, where nobody had even heard the names Kirstein or [L/N].

[Y/N] leaned in and pinched his warm cheek. Jean didn't swat her away like he used to, instead, he leaned into the touch and avoided eye contact, face ablaze. "Are you still mad about my party?" she asked quietly.

"No."

"Yes."

"Maybe a little."

"Maybe a lot?"

"It's just not fair!" Jean huffed, dropping her hand into the grass. "How come Otto and Leon get to go and I don't? They made you eat mud last spring!"

Wincing at the rather earthy memory, [Y/N] looked down into her lap. "My dad is friends with their dad, so y'know, they're kind of automatically invited." she said. Rising to her feet, she brushed off the flowy skirt tickling her calves and held a hand out to her companion. "But we can have our own party here! I can bring tea, and you can bring your moms walnut brownies, you know they're--"

"--your favorite."

"--my favorite."

Giggling, the kids smiled at each other, soaking in the last few shared moments for the day. Jean sniffed decidedly, taking her hand and jumping up beside her. "When we're older, I'm gonna throw you the best birthday parties ever, and we can do everything you want, all day." he nodded sharply.

[Y/N] popped a brow, growing a sly grin. "Can we play in the big fountain?"

Jean reached for her, lacing their fingers together at their sides. "[Y/N], we'll be grown ups. We can do whatever we want. Mr. Kipp can't yell at us anymore."

The girl hummed, starting their journey back to town. They waded through long grass and took care to avoid stepping on sprouting flowers. "Mr. Kipp yells at grown ups all the time."

"Yeah, but I'll be bigger and stronger, so I can just yell back and he won't do anything."

"You promise?"

Jean watched her, eyes set on the way the wind curled her hair around her face. "I swear. That's better than a promise."

Squeals loud enough to chip glass tore their way down the mostly vacant street. [Y/N] grimaced. The scene laid out in the previously peaceful backyard could only be described as chaotic; children she barely knew ran, yelling and laughing and buzzing with energy; parents sat back along the perimeter, knocking back beers and chatting amongst themselves. She was certain these kids looked forward to her special day if only for the open table of cakes and cookies that laid out, picked and prodded, leaving nothing but mere scraps.

The girl ran her eyes over the rowdy crowd, searching for a single friendly familiar face. Surely there had to be someone at her birthday party she could enjoy her time with.

"Marco!" [Y/N] called, honing in on the freckled boy perched on the short stone fence. He tipped his head in her direction, offering a shy smile and wave. She idly wondered how he had heard her over the commotion, but joined him regardless.

"Hey, happy birthday, [Y/N]. 'm sorry I didn't bring you a present," he said almost sheepishly, kicking his feet in a gentle rhythm, "my mom took away my allowance."

She looked at him with widened eyes. "What'd you do?"

Marco coughed, rounded cheeks turning pink. "I, uh... 's not important."

"No no no, you gotta tell me, it's my birthday!" the girl gleamed cheekily. Marco Bodt was simply an angel -- the prospect of him actually getting in trouble sent millions of questions swirling in her mind.

"Well, uh... Mr. Kipp caught me and Jean fighting."

Ludicrous!

"You're kidding!" [Y/N] nearly barked. She turned her head side to side before continuing in a hushed tone, "I thought you guys were friends?" Even though the chance of her guardians hearing them was slim to none, simply speaking his name on her own property felt devious.

Marco shook his head. "We weren't fighting each other." he mumbled, playing with his fingers in his lap. "Jean heard those jerks talking about you and... got mad... Leon ran off to tattle after Jean pushed William. I was just kind of there when it happened." he shrugged. [Y/N] gasped into her palm. It wasn't like Marco to lie, but the story felt unreal, particularly hard to picture. Jean wasn't a hothead like William was, right? At least not from what she'd seen.

A particularly loud shriek tugged their attention away toward the house, where a girl cried because someone smeared frosting into her hair. Soothing wrinkled hands wiped the hot tears from her face, Gramma instantly coming to halt the siren.

"Alrighty kiddos! Gramma [L/N] thinks it's about time to wind things down." she announced, somehow cutting through the chitter chatter with an authoritative tone. "Thank you so much for coming, but [Y/N] needs some family time now on her special day." With flourish, she shot the girl in question a glimmering grin. [Y/N] smiled back, but turned to Marco again, the tale still fresh on her mind.

"Well, you tell him to knock it off! He can't be getting you in trouble like that, it's not fair." she sighed, nudging the shy boy with their shoulders before hopping off the wall. Kids tore by her without a care, pouring out of the open gate and into the street. Their parents bumbled behind lazily. Surely the prospect of winding their own little demons down from their respective sugar highs was not an appetizing one.

Marco chuckled and hopped down as well. He flicked chocolate hair out of his eyes. "It's alright. It was pretty funny when William started crying, even though that's kind of mean to say."

Crying? Goodness.

After bidding her friend goodbye with a hug, [Y/N] padded over to her father, who busied himself with picking up various pieces of trash abandoned by the handful of less-than-courteous guests. He cursed under his breath and held his back with one hand. She greeted him sweetly, sweeping a few used napkins into her hands. Dad ruffled her hair affectionately. "There's my darling. Did you have a good time?" he asked.

Humming, the girl dumped the trash into the bin just inside the back door. "Yes, thank you. I'm glad Marco was here. I didn't really know those other kids, but they seemed... nice."

"Wicked brats. It's like they've never had cookies before! Lukas, help me inside, won't you?" Gramma heaved a heavy sigh as she joined them, popping her joints with loud cracks. Dad chuckled and led his aging mother inside with a hand on her shoulder.

"After all these years, everyone still listens to you." he said with amusement.

She scoffed. "Well, they should! I babysat half the parents here. Figured it's due diligence by now."

[Y/N] trailed behind, only partly listening. The curious tale about Jean picking a fight still hammered away at her brain. Poor Marco has simply been caught in the crossfire. What was the use, anyways, if William was just talking? She'd be thankful if that's all he did around her. Burning questions nipped at the tip of her tongue for the remainder of the night. Gramma was insightful and wise (not just due to her age, she was always quick to point out), so maybe these questions were safe to lay out for her and her only.

Days passed before courage encompassed the young girl. Dad was busy -- painstakingly, mind-numbingly busy, icing cupcake after cupcake for quite an extravagant wedding taking place across town. Gramma tapped out of the chore earlier in the day, complaining about aching hands, and the job was deemed too important for [Y/N] to assist with, so the women treated themselves with a stroll to the bookstore down the block.

"Gramma, can I ask you something?" [Y/N] said suddenly, glancing up at her guardian with squinted eyes. She looked much younger wearing that long brimmed sunhat. The woman hummed peacefully.

"You just did, darling." she winked.

[Y/N] groaned. "Well, I'm gonna ask you something else, then!" the girl chewed her lip, watching the worn shoes on her feet slide over damp stones. "What does it mean when... like... well, is it weird if someone starts picking fights with people? And they aren't really a troublemaker, either. They're usually really nice." she mumbled. Gramma spared her a glance, turning both of them around a corner before ticking her tongue against her teeth.

"Well, is this person a boy?"

"Um... does it matter?"

"Well, [Y/N], boys your age tend to get a little hot-headed. It's not so out of place to enter a rowdy stage." she reasoned. The girl watched various storefronts and homes melt by them, chewing over these words carefully before continuing.

"Marco got in trouble because of me." she admitted lowly, head still turned away tactfully.

"Marco? That boy's a sweetheart. Never would've guessed!" Gramma chipped, smoothing them both around another corner, avoiding passerbys with ease. These streets were nearly etched into the woman's brain at that point -- she could navigate all of Trost with her eyes closed, [Y/N] reckoned, having never left the city limits before.

"I know! But it wasn't really his fault, I suppose. There was someone else there, too." Unknowingly, her tone dipped into dangerous territory. Heat rose to the tips of her ears.

"... I see. So, what exactly happened?"

They pushed themselves into the bookstore, a quiet air enclosing around them. Rows of dark wood held hundreds of written treasures. From knights and princesses to mystic wizards with strange powers, [Y/N] could pick at almost any spine adorning the shelves and lay out the plot on command.

Jean didn't like to read much, but he didn't mind when she read to him, his head resting on her shoulder and his eyes locked closed. Maybe he took the time to nap in the sun, but it was alright, since it still counted as time spent together.

"Well I don't know really, since I wasn't there. But he said he got in trouble for fighting with William, Otto and Leon, because they were saying rude things."

Gramma nodded politely to the teen girl behind the counter. She moseyed down a random aisle with her granddaughter in lazy stride behind. "Oh, those boys. They have quite the fire in them, that's for sure. So where do you come in?" the woman asked innocently. Her long fingers traced over worn covers with adoration.

Walls, for being so wise, Gramma loved to draw things out. [Y/N] tisked a little nervously. "They were being rude about me."

"So, Marco was defending you? I'd hardly count that as trouble."

"No, Gramma! Well, yes, but it's... ugh, nevermind."

The woman spun on her heel, pastel blue dress swirling around her legs. In an instant she was bent, pinching [Y/N]'s shoulder between her fingers. An even expression slated over her wrinkled face. "It was him, wasn't it?" Bewildered, the girl sputtered "huh?" and met with the cock of a brow. "The boy, the Kirstein boy. He started the fight, didn't he?" she clarified cooly. Taken back, [Y/N] shifted her eyes away, ears hot.

Alright, maybe she was the wise one.

"Listen, darling," Gramma straightened again and plucked a book from the top shelf above their heads blindly, "Walls forbid your father finds out. You know how he is about that family. I, for one, find it silly that two kids can't simply play together, for goodness sake. But nevertheless, you'd be wise to mind your father. Some things simply have no room for change in this stagnant world."

Deflating, [Y/N] let the words sink over her like a wet blanket, and remained quiet for the rest of the afternoon.

#jean kirstein #jean kirschtein #jean kirstein x reader #jean kirschstein x reader #attack on titan #aot #shinjeki no kyojin #snk

[spearxwind]

I’ve got a book recommendation! (It’s not ocean related orz midwest america actually) it’s a WILD ride of trauma, healing, and absolute bloody carnage at the end. The first half is a bit of a slog in my opinion—everything starts happening at once toward the end—but man, it certainly made me feel things.

It’s called Scowler by Daniel Kraus! (Prewarning, it deals with an abusive father for those sensitive to it, and the ending is GORY)

Oh!! I looked it up briefly, looks fairly interesting! I can't promise I'll be able to read it, it's not that I only read ocean stuff but midwest america is certainly not something I'm usually interested in 😅 but if the story itself is compelling I would give it a chance for sure

#im picky with books in general and its been really long since i read consistently #but i would check this out if possible #ask #anon #ty for the rec!!

[transmutationisms]

no okay the other thing that’s so fascinating about roman’s particular eating habits. and i don’t think the show is really doing this on purpose but it’s still there so whatever. is that you do see him eating fruit, specifically, and like... fairly often, relative to the other characters. it always reminds me of those cases of ‘fasting girls’ in the middle ages and early modern period because so many of those cases will report that they only/specifically ate fruit (often berries iirc?) and they’d have all these reasons. like fruit wasn’t ‘sustenance’, so their bodies were still ‘unsullied’ by food; it was insubstantial in a way that other foods weren’t; its sweetness often recategorised it and made it not ‘count’. and then some of these girls also just had their own idiosyncratic logics about it as well

like i’m not saying roman is a medieval fasting girl, lmao, but i do think it’s an interesting window into how not-eating can be slotted into so many different cultural and social narratives, and different meanings can be made from it. fasting girls typically portrayed themselves as transcending the body (by destroying it... naturally) but also as, like, victims of their own lack of appetite. often that lack was construed as being a gift or curse from god, hence the phrase “anorexia mirabilis” (miraculous lack of appetite)

and then like, fasting girls weren’t quite the same as, eg, a catholic saint like augustine, who didn’t eat (or drink water, which some fasting girls did and others didn’t) specifically because he sought a higher spiritual pleasure than the simple bodily enjoyment of sating his hunger. he wasn’t seeking pain, per se, but he did feel that physical pleasure was at best a distraction from his worship, and at worst a self-indulgent perversion of his spiritual nature. and then augustine, in turn, wasn’t quite the same as the protestant self-denialist dietary reformers of, eg, 19th-21st century america, who often did/do seek suffering for its own sake in a very pointed way** 

and then there are others still: for example, hunger artists who starved themselves as a public art form. in kafka’s short story, the hunger artist does experience hunger and pain and misery, but also can’t find a food he likes. he’s ultimately replaced by a panther who “wants for nothing”—that is, the not-eating is relocated to a discourse of desiring. or, simone weil ‘feeding on light’ rather than food, which obviously draws from stuff like augustine but is configured with a distinct philosophical understanding of god. or even, like, chris kraus’s “aliens & anorexia” which draws from weil but is a very different attempt to speak and recreate the language of not-eating (& also ties it to sex and love and aliens... actually i think romangirls [gn] should read that book)

and then all of these are distinct from our current dsm reading of not-eating, which toggles between 1) it’s a Brain Sickness that needs a medical cure or 2) it’s an act of free will in pursuit of [control/beauty/love/etc]. and this can be traced to maudsley’s case studies, but also to the early 19th century psychiatrists (aliénistes) who laid a lot of the modern groundwork re: the stomach-brain connection, the use of force-feeding to treat various illnesses, etc

anyway like. no two people who don’t-eat are going to experience that the exact same way, but there are still these sorts of families of experiences. archetypal narratives i guess. and i do get a kick out of the thought that roman’s experience of not-eating is, at least cosmetically, a little medieval. though in his case, obviously he also has a lot of psychosexual baggage (“i eat you, you eat me”) and like a million other things going on lol

**max weber kind of sucks and this divide is more complicated and historically contingent than just catholic vs protestant but whatever

#sorry for collapsing all of american dietary reform into one sentence spanning 3 centuries #anyway this is part of what i mean when i say that roman's eating issues #being collapsed into a dsm narrative is limiting #you eat me i eat you

[leoyoons]

—THE DAREDEVIL ( 𝐑𝐄𝐂𝐎𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐓 𝐉𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑 ), 𝕃𝔼𝕆 𝕐𝕆𝕆ℕ

✦⋆ CONNECTIONS ✦⋆ PINTEREST ✦⋆ PLAYLIST

FIRSTLY, SOME BASICS

FULL NAME: Leonora Everly Yoon PREFERRED NICKNAME: Leo ( call her Nora at your own risk ) PREFERRED PRONOUNS: currently she/hers, but she’s reevaluating DATE OF BIRTH: April 1st, 2000 ( aries sun,  pisces moon, aquarius rising ) [ Leonora was born two months premature; her dad thought it was a joke but lo and behold, Odessa’s water had really gone and broken on April Fools ] ZODIAC SIGNS: aries sun, pisces moon, aquarius rising ( une ) AGE: Twenty-Two but she feels ancient HOMETOWN: born and raised in Gravewood, WV FAMILY: George Yoon ( father, sheriff ), Odessa-Marie Yoon ( mother, waitress ), Feodore Avery Yoon ( older brother & Yoon golden boy ) OCCUPATION: Ice Skating Attendant & Teacher at the Windsor Ice Rink SEXUAL ORIENTATION: she’s not for the streets, but it’s the whole spectrum ROMANTIC ORIENTATION: re: last line [ —the rest can be found in the DOSSIER: additional background information, physicalities and personality stuff among other things! ] 

WHAT’S IN MY BAG: The Shape of Water by Daniel Kraus, A Visit from the Goon Squad by Jennifer Egan, a sketchbook she’s been filling up with still-lifes and stuff, and an empty planner her dad gave her SENIOR SUPERLATIVE(s): class clown, life of the party, best smile CURRENT QUOTE(s): “the feminine urge to enter a hell of my own making” “who the fuck decided to call it emotional baggage and not griefcase?” TV PARALLELS: Gina ( Brooklyn 99 ), Winston ( New Girl ), Montana ( Do Revenge ), Orla McCool ( Derry Girls ), Sokka ( ATLA ), Ruthie ( Shrill ), Willie Jack ( Reservation Dogs ), Guillermo ( What We do in the Shadows ), Sperncer Shay ( iCarly ) TROPES: Allergic to Routine, Annoying Laugh, The Chew Toy, Cloudcuckoolander, Cool Loser, Crouching Moron Hidden Badass, Deadpan Snarker, Endearingly Dorky, Erudite Stoner, I Just Wanna Be Special, Jack of All Stats, Kaleidoscope Hair, Once Done Never Forgotten, Sad Clown

SECONDLY, A LIGHT OUTLINE

✧ No one would really admit it, but Leonora was that baby that married couples have when they’re on the brink of divorce— she was meant to fix George and Odessa’s failing relationship but the novelty of a new baby faded soon enough as her parents returned to their old routine, the new baby falling to the wayside. 

✧ Even so, they’d never gotten around to the divorce. Babies are like monkey’s paws in that way and neither one of them wanted to go through with a divorce when they’d gone and had another baby to care for. Through the mess of their marriage, they loved each other still, and those legals proceedings would only be inconvenient.  

✧ After his paternity leave had come and gone, George went back to working his long hours in the Sheriff’s office and Odessa was left home with a toddler and a newborn. She’d spend all day feeling alone at home, tending to the home and her kids; trying and failing to rekindle the love they’d cultivated in their adolescence.  

✧ While Leonora and her older brother were babbling little ones then, kids can still sense these things. Leo was a fussy girl herself, and she’d always demanded more attention than her mother was willing to give. Once she’d started crawling, her mother set her down in a little corral and left her to her own devices. 

✧ Most of her infancy was spent that way, her mother holding her at arms length as she reached out to her. George was a little better, though his own love came in bursts and then fizzled out entirely— he’d never had much energy when he came home, and most of the time he’d set her on his chest and doze off. 

✧ Toddlerhood was a little easier on Leo, if only because she’d had access to other forms of distraction ( unfortunately for her mother, these were messy ). She’d started painting around this time, though it’s something all kids do, right? Must be the same with the colorful handprints all over the walls which pissed her mom off to no end.

✧ Life teaches Leo to be loud and messy— those are the most surefire ways to get her mother’s attention: throwing food at her brother, running a crayon along the surface of the fridge. Anything to get her parents’ attention, though hindsight would say these acts only pushed her mother further away than before. 

✧ By the time Leo and her brother are in elementary school, Odessa’s thinking of joining the workforce. Desperate for anything that will get her out of the house, she applies for a waitressing job at Marie’s. The pay is minimal but the work fills whatever hole in her heart George has left. She needed this.

✧ It’s obvious then why she turned out the way she did: needy, nosy, annoying and whatever else the other kids would call her during her childhood. Leo hadn’t learned how to separate the good press from the bad; so long as someone was looking at her she’d felt like a sunflower facing the sun, and that would be her undoing in the end. 

✧ Puberty hits a girl like a ton of bricks then and it only gets worse. At home she’d had no audience save her brother and he’s gone and tired of her shit. He was hanging out with his own group of friends and she’d grown ungrateful of the ones that had allowed her in their own circle; she’d go and ruin them soon enough.

✧ One risky dare starts it all and then she’s flying higher and higher towards the sun in one massive Icarian feat before the wax on her wings start melting. Icarus’ own father warned him about his recklessness, and her own had gone and put her in handcuffs. When she’s high as a kite, she thinks about how tragically poetic that is.

✧ Fuck up first, apologize later is all fun and games until you’ve gone and burned all your bridges. Leonora now exists in a limbo of her own creation, not knowing how to move forward though everything she’s done keeps her from turning back. ‘I’m sorry’ seems meaningless at the end of the line, but what else is new.

✦ keeping myself from adding more so we can fill in the gaps together? ✦

THIRDLY, SOME HCS

Leo wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until the latter years of Middle School; while she knows this is due in part to the socialization of girls and all of that, it digs the ‘your parents really went and overlooked you’ knife a little deeper.

The first time she ever put ink on her skin, it was because of a dare ( go figure ). Leonora could choose whatever design she wanted so long as the ink went on her lower back; the pain of getting her tramp stamped nearly killed her.

If memory serves her well, Leo first bleached her hair the day before the first of high school. She’d thought to make it subtle to keep her mom from freaking out, but once it was said and done she didn’t even try to hide it.

Foster Home for Imaginary Friends was one of those things that stuck with her in her childhood, so when her grandfather gifted her a red doberman, Leonora was quick to name the little guy Blooregard Q. Kazoo ( Bloo for short ).

She feels ridiculously lonely all the time, and her therapist tells her that it’s directly correlated to the reckless behavior of her youth. Leonora doesn’t necessarily think correlation equals causation, but the man might be right. 

One such bit of reckless behavior had her piercing one nipple on a dare, another had her biting into some shellfish she was allergic to ( leading to a fun ER night ), and a third had her eating a steak even though she’s vegetarian.

As far as more lasting consequences ( the piercing has since closed, so that doesn’t count ), one small piece of the cartilage on her right ear is missing and she has one scar running down her calf from these dangerous liaisons. 

Watched a single clip of Euphoria, a zoom-in of some lady’s eye makeup and it's kinda become a whole thing. Leo isn’t going all out with it or anything, but she can’t stop herself from sticking those little diamonds underneath her eyes.

As far as cliche artsy things go, she’s lugging around a sage green kanken decked in patches and pins, filled with hb pencils, an overfilled sketchbook, an empty one, and two toiletry bags because you can never be too prepared. 

Has a replica of Sam’s iCarly remote, which is basically her soundboard. She’s got it programmed with her favorite bites but switches some of the other ones out depending on the season ( and she’s got terrible comedic timing ). 

Follow-up for the iCarly remote, she’s got two specific sounds on lock: a slow clap ( because obviously ) and the sound of the world’s smallest violin from that one episode of Spongebob. The other stuff on rotation is mostly from TikTok. 

She’s got a membership to the fabric store in town and they know the girl by name; Leo loves all those fashion things but she’s not gonna burn money she doesn’t have so enter a hand-me-down, some fabric and a sewing machine

Also did some tasks for character development! ONE. TWO. THREE. FOUR.

#this got long i'm sorry #apurgintro #* ✶ about— but i'm starting to see