carionto

[carionto]

Detaining a Human

It did not take long for the first Human law enforcement officers aboard a Coalition station to show just how powerful and effective they are against most other species. It did take a while before a Human offender appeared who resisted.

He was a rowdy fellow, coming from something called a bachelor's party. For a multitude of reasons, he seemed incapable of remaining quiet, and while noise dampening comes standard for everyone's personal suits and helmets, Human vocal ability and this specific ones lung capacity were of a potent caliber.

Mere moments after the first complaint, a squad of officers arrived on scene and approached to apprehend the disturber of peace.

The Human officer suggested to the others to leave this one to them, and after an initial failure to communicate, they called for additional Human backup. While waiting for the extra muscle, the two Humans exchanged what I've heard described as a staring contest.

Upon looking away from the officer and spotting the approaching backup, the rowdy Human got... excited? Without uttering a word, the on scene officer made a few hand gestures to the approaching ones and both immediately split apart to encircle the troubleseeker and prepared to draw their tasers.

One final failed attempt to communicate and de-escalate the situation, and all chaos broke loose. The loudmouth exclaimed jovially as all three officers drew their tasers. One hit a less protected part of his body and momentarily caused him to falter, but whatever combination of substances were coursing through his system allowed him to shrug it off and lunge for the nearest officer.

We've seen Humans fight before, but before it was one on one and both involved parties were willing to inflict harm on one another. Usually these were over in moments.

The effort the three officers exerted to not cause harm to the offender and prevent him from causing harm to them was intense to witness. Grabs, shouting, failed cuffing, more taser shots, and still the confrontation lasted for nearly six full minutes.

Even after getting him cuffed after two, he continued to resist feverishly, kicking and screaming to the point even our special equipment was struggling to prevent damage to our ears. Yet the Humans were right next to him, unfazed, one even had their helmet kicked off during the scuffle.

To note, this was not a particularly outstanding example of Humanity, in fact, he was clearly smaller and less physically fit than the officers. The power of an unrestrained Human not fully in charge of his decision making in the moment, and three Humans whose duty is to be restrained.

Miraculously, despite all the kicking, screaming, tasing, and grappling, the medical report showed that the criminal suffered only minor bruising and a sprained ankle, while the officers also only had a few small bruises, nothing to impair them from performing their duty the next day.

In comparison, another incident involved two drunk Humans brawling and both ended up in hospital beds for numerous fractures, a broken leg for one, a dislocated shoulder for the other, and far too many bruises, cuts and scratches to count. Their fight lasted less than a minute.

#humans are space orcs #humans are space australians #humans are space oddities #humans are deathworlders #carionto #humanity fuck yeah #still on that true crime binge #write what you know

[carionto]

Gaze above - what do you see?

From our insignificant vantage point, with our limited time here, what do we see when looking up - beyond our current reality, beyond what we know?

Do you see the vastness of space? Uncaring and ever changing, yet from our perspective it is the picture of eternal stability, forever locked in the known rhythm of orbits and phases and patterns.

Do you see the countless stars? Each with a promise of something new, infinite possibilities, unending discoveries and, dare I say - adventure. The true final frontier, for it has no end.

Or do you see the empty void between? That which is truly unknown. Perhaps even unknowable. Impossibly endless and unfathomably deep. What lay beyond where light has never reached?

Whatever it may be, one thing I know is that we can look up and see. We are not at the beggining, if there is such a thing, nor are we at the end, also something that may never come.

To use flowery language, we are blessed to exist with the capacity to see, in a time with countless things to see. At some point we could not see, and thus at some point we will no longer be able to see again.

Will we blind ourselves? Will we be blinded? Or will there no longer be anything left to see? Nobody can answer that truthfully, each of us can only look above and wonder.

#carionto #space thoughts #contemplation #i don't know #just random thoughts #alien: Human. what are you on about? #h: i dont know. i get in a weird mood sometimes and start philosophizing #a: i've heard of this. you need a snack #h: YES gimme something salty #yes I will hide that in the tags

[carionto]

Too tough for paradise

One peculiar side effect of Humans hailing from a Deathworld is that their biological well-being is partly dependent on some degree of microscopic hostility from the environment and what they consume.

It is normal among most species that, should their surroundings change to more hospitable conditions, their minds and bodies would feel relief and be under less stress. However, as with any changes, if they deviate too far too quickly from their normal, you risk damage from a sudden shock to the system.

___________________________

Abigail "Abby" Hostaz had been legally grounded by the Gyin-Trov due to her, ahem, "expansion of business" without the right permits. Not that she bothered to learn that nobody outside Human controlled space in the Galactic Coalition would allow the creation of a deadly asteroid race track AND let sentient beings directly pilot ships through it.

Hell, finding an Alien crazy enough to partake in an activity even most Humans consider insane is one in a trillion. She still did find seven non-Humans, so that math actually is within a reasonable margin. Everything else is not reasonable.

The local Gyin-Trov government learned of the true nature of her activities when a rogue asteroid suddenly appeared on their threat detection systems. The unnatural change of course quickly pointed to where she had set up her latest "thrill track", which the authorities rapidly dismantled, impounded her vessel, named "Victor", and put her under house arrest in the Human embassy awaiting the conclusion of the investigation and subsequent trial.

While station based embassies are effectively fully contained perfect habitats for the respective species, planet based ones tend to adopt a lot of the local elements and integrate what they can simply due to proximity and availability.

Humans, the resourceful buggers that they are, used everything the planet had to offer (that wasn't outright lethal to Humans, which in the case of the Gyin-Trov homeworld were only a few pollen producing crops found in the poles of the planet).

A combination of a almost perfect temperature range (near constant lows of 14C at night, highs of 21C mid-day), slightly higher moisture levels, and bio-engineered local flora that made the water into this somewhat thicker soup containing virtually every nutrient, vitamin and mineral a carbon-based lifeform could ever want, leaving little for the digestive system to tackle. Heck, just being within a field of such plants lets the body absorb everything for healthy survival.

In short, the Gyin-Trov homeworld, also named Gyin-Trov, is as close to Utopia as you can get.

Aaaaaaand Abby is not having a fun time there.

It's not like she was imprisoned - she was allowed to wander around the city and surrounding area under light supervision, she even had her cat, Hector, with her. But there just wasn't enough excitement to be found anywhere.

They had arcades and various physical activities, but she never felt her body grow tired after hours of competitive gaming and contests. No feeling of hunger or exhaustion ever disturbed her focus. The only thing that kept Abby from becoming, essentially, a zombie perpetually engaged in whatever activity was most fun at the moment was the inherent nature of the Human brain - it gets... wobbly after a while and needs sleep.

Not even a week had passed and people noticed Abby had become... different. No strong reactions to anything, no outbursts of some crazy ideas, just a general positive but not quite cheerful apathy. The Human ambassadors had experienced a much milder version of this, and it is theorized that they did not deem it as concerning due to the simple fact the ambassadors always had something to do, and more importantly - something that put their minds, if not bodies, to the test. Regular challenges, worries, and stress from work in general kept them on edge in some ways.

Abby was just waiting around, "put on vacation" as one of the ambassadors had put it. After a couple of more days of this peace, she seemed more like a automaton than anything else. Mindlessly going from place to place, trying out whatever activities were available, but clearly none offered anything close to the level of excitement and danger she had grown so used to. Not even the flawed thirty year old Human body she was in offered any surprises or discomforts.

Everything was just perfectly fine.

When the paperwork finally cleared and she was issued a fine and formally banned from engaging in any construction efforts in Gyin-Trov controlled space, she was reunited with Victor, and the personality changes she had undergone during her short time were seemingly instantly reversed.

Once she was in her ship and the self-diagnostics showed a few blinking lights, Abby immediately became energized and took action. Breathing in the recycled air with a hint of dry rust made that old bruise on her right side make itself known again. She pulled an all-nighter making repairs and "adjustments" to Victor and collapsed from exhaustion on the hard floor.

The next day, she was already near the border to neutral space when she noticed a dwarf planet with a rock formation in the shape of a trebuchet (very vaguely, if you squint really, really hard, and imagine half of the parts), and that gave her an idea.

All the while, Hector the cat did not exhibit any noticeable changes during his stay with Abby on Gyin-Trov. Maybe just a few more hours of sleep per day than normal.

#humans are space orcs #humans are space australians #humans are space oddities #humans are deathworlders #humanity fuck yeah #carionto #story

[carionto]

One-off Villain Prison

How many shows, series, comics, etc. are there where a villain appears once and, if they're not killed, you never, ever see or hear them mentioned again?

The number must count in the millions by now. And by the logic of most universes, unless it is explicitly shown, nobody ever grows old and dies.

So now I'm imagining a prison that exists outside of all of the universes, begrudgingly housing every forgotten and discarded villain, forever expanding as the prison population never decreases.

Sometimes a few get whisked away when one of the universes has a big Hero/Villain team up and they need to fill up the cannon fodder ranks, but then they go back. Even if they get killed. If nobody noticed, it didn't happen and they suddenly find themselves back behind bars.

I'm sure an idea like this has been explored before, and I am curious how it went.

The possibilities are endless after all. Sitcoms where power-creep show villains with world ending powers are housed together in a Truman Show type isolation, letting them think they're still relevant and fighting actual heroes, but it's just some other villains from a kid friendly universe where the concept of death doesn't even exist, so they just think it's the typical plot armor deal.

Or serious dramatic confrontations and factions among the gritty realistic bad guys, but some members are those weird out-of place super serious bad guys from an otherwise goofy show about fairies, but they still have evil-fairy powers and magic wands, so the mob boss showdown has one 2ft tall flying bugger with a cigar, angel wings, and emitting glitter everywhere.

All the while the prison itself is just like, a normal prison with regular guards and stuff. Even if the villains try to break out, it's just a never-ending, recursive prison dimension, where the only escape is to become relevant again by the grace of an author in any of the universes.

#writeblr #writing prompt #villains #story ideas

[carionto]

Wisdom is to seek the experienced

Your typical dimly lit bar, closing hours. Few folk still remain, fewer still conscious. The door chimes to a sprightly young man, though his eyes echo decades of witnessing the grim reality. He orders a beer, sits down next to a passed out man in his late 50s, hand still gripping his last shot glass.

The young man prods the old guy awake.

"Tell me, what do you know about Old Man Henderson?"

"What? That's an urban myth. A fairy tale. Ain't no such person ever existed. Scram, kid."

"We believe the contrary. Correction. We don't believe anything. We know he is real."

"That story is over a thousand years old. Wouldn't be the first time some fools mistake a work of fiction from three apocalypses ago as fact."

"There's more to it than that. We know that you are connected."

At this moment, the young man takes out a small binder of documents and splays it in front of the old guy. Images of excavations of an old town hall. Unidentified dirt and ash samples. A heavily damaged pilot's license. Used cigarette butts.

And a list of names, dates of birth and death, addresses throughout their life, occupations, relatives. Seemingly, no connection. And at the end of the list a Mr J. Drenshaw - the old guy.

"We know you know these people, all of them. Ever since the incident Old Man Henderson was involved in, there has been an unbroken chain of people who studied and learned everything about him and what occurred. And you did your best to erase everything from all records but your own.

Well, the one thing the first to whom this knowledge was passed on to did not do was to cremate their mentor. Instead, they received a burial at sea. Somewhere in the middle of the Pacific from a plane. Forever lost to the world, beneath endless waters and unknown beasts of below.

Or, so it would have remained, had it not been for that little explosion that has doomed our world. Among the debris the OCC cleared was a tiny, damaged microfilm. Unable to restore its contents at the time, it was stored alongside the innumerable relics recovered from the disaster, and promptly forgotten about.

Until my superiors learned of something... odd, and we got to work searching for the loosest of ends. The rest is technical details. In short - you, Mr Drenshaw, have known about the reality of the Old Ones ever since your mentor exposed you to this secretive knowledge you've been safekeeping for the last twenty eight generations. It is no longer your exclusive club.

We need your help understanding what Cthulu is, what it wants, what it can do, and most importantly - what we can do about it."

After a long pause, J. Drenshaw looked at his empty shot glass, at the young man, to the floor, and sighed.

"The reason we kept it from everyone is because you can't do anything about a being like that. That's the point."

"Old Man Henderson did do something about it."

"He was a nutjob. One of a kind."

"Still just human."

"Bah. It wasn't even the full might of anything Greater."

"Even a fraction was still a part of it. We can expand upon that."

"What do I even get out of this? Cuz I'm telling you, it doesn't matter how many Supernovas you throw at Cthulu. The material realm doesn't bother them in the least."

"It doesn't have to be a hostile relationship. Our experiences with the Galactic Coalition, despite a rocky start, show we can communicate with anyone."

"Aliens and Old Ones are not comparable. Can an ant negotiate with the Moon? That's a bullshit idea and you know it."

"We found an individual who contradicts your belief."

At this statement, the young man shows Mr Drenshaw a picture of a young woman, barely out of her teens, but even through a simple image Drenshaw can see in her eyes there is... knowing.

"Okay? That your girlfriend? Good for you."

"That is Cintra Valkeim. Though it proved difficult to ascertain, we believe she made contact with Cthulu."

"Thought you didn't believe in anything. Couldn't get her to confess?"

"We're still working on the specifics, but we do know she died several times. Either by negligence or lack of interest in us 'nothings', her resurrections left marks on the cellular level."

"Nothings..." Drenshaw slowly repeated the word, as if something finally clicked.

"That is how They view us, yes?"

Mr Drenshaw finally looked back at the young man, took a deep breath and simply said:

"Yea...

Fine. I'll talk to this Cintra. Alone. After that I'll decide if it's worth a bother to help you lot."

"Those are agreeable terms. Shall I take you to her now or...?"

"Fuck no. I got a raging headache and I need a nap. Just cuz you got my curiosity don't mean this hangover is suddenly gone. Leave your number, I'll call you in a few days. Gonna do my own investigation."

"Understandable. Here are my contacts."

Mr Drenshaw takes the card, looks at it, and bemusedly puts it away.

"Fuckin' hell. Bunch of jokers you are. Alright, I'll be sure to ring you up, Mr 'John Smith'. Now get outta here, you've ruined my nap long enough.

HEY, BARKEEP! GET ME SOMETHING THAT'LL KNOCK ME RIGHT BACK TO SLEEP!"

#humans are space orcs #humans are space australians #humans are space oddities #humans are deathworlders #humanity fuck yeah #carionto #story #cthulu #it's all connected #sorta #i don't know what i'm doing #but i'm doing it #slowly and sporadically #probably inconsistently too #but whatever

[carionto]

When does what count?

The pursuit for the truth in criminal cases is... messy at the best of times. If the criminals are from different species you gotta deal with multiple jurisdictions at minimum. Then throw in a Human in the mix? Good luck figuring anything out, you'll need it.

Not that Humans are the best liars, or masters of not leaving evidence, or the ultimate manipulators. There's not even close to a standard way of dealing with them.

The guidelines Human authorities provided help, yes, but all of them come with caveats and exceptions and warning signs to look out for.

Every individual is different. Some species might have lesser deviations than others, but there are only a handful of hive-mind like ones where you can objectively and easily determine what is normal and what needs certain kinds of apprehension or treatment methods.

Human deviations are all over the place.

Some will confess right away upon being questioned by law enforcement. This is the best case scenario, but even then there are some cases where you might have wished they had tried to be deceptive. There are few things more terrifying in the Galaxy than a Human confessing, without batting an eye or stuttering their words, to some of the most brutal acts of senseless violence, unprovoked I might add, and calmly stating they felt nothing. That is fear personified.

Many will try to make your life miserable. They will employ every legal avenue, exploit the tiniest questionable details, get as many other people involved as possible to muddy the waters, even plan an escape if they manage to find or create an opportunity. You will have to work overtime, sifting through countless documents, piece together a puzzle without any known pieces. The worst is when you have a Human who is guilty, but not for the crime you are pursuing them for, and all that work has to start all over in pursuit of an individual you might now have to track across half the Galaxy on a cold trail. This is the embodiment of frustration.

A few will give you the longest, most intense and dangerous days of your life. They will run. They will fight. They will not submit. They will want to go down rather than face justice. They will endanger others along the way. They will destroy anything in their path to freedom. They are fury incarnate.

Now, of course, the vast majority will not be such extreme cases. You can reason with them. You can persuade, strike a deal. Punish and rehabilitate.

But every case will be different, should you ever encounter a Human. And there is always a chance, no matter how slim, barring extreme limitations of course, that any Human could go to a further end than any logic would dictate. A minor inspection may become a murder in a split second, and an unknown killer may just give up at the slightest inconvenience and confess a dozen cold cases just like that.

#humans are space orcs #humans are space australians #humans are space oddities #humans are deathworlders #humanity fuck yeah #carionto #still on that true crime binge #there's just so much #I don't want to stop

[carionto]

The Equality Games

Once every now and then, the Galactic Coalition's Cultural Exchange department holds a large digital competitive event.

Anyone can participate, and to level the playing field, contestants aren't the ones who actually compete, but instead an advanced deep brain scan (or equivalent body part) and an unbiased AI create a digital avatar that represents the individual and autonomously acts within the digital space.

The cognitive capacity of each is analyzed to a near perfect level and a highly complicated algorithm that, honestly, nobody understands, even the AI that built it, then creates this avatar with traits and weaknesses based on an even more incomprehensible set of criteria and internal points system.

To put it simply - the scan identifies nearly every calculable aspect of a person and assigns a point value for each, then uses those points to "buy" the most relevant and appropriate traits from within its list to give the avatar. There are changing costs, negative value "flaws", and prerequisites based on other information from the scan, but basically it is the most convoluted TTRPG character creation ruleset ever devised.

Given the enormous complexity and diversity that individuals from across thousands of races exhibit, until this system was invented, it was thought impossible to have a sort of intergalactic Olympic Games. There were many attempts over the eons, of course, but one factor or another always made it so that someone did not accept the results.

The Equality Games, however, earned respect and acceptance as a valid alternative once the underlying system was demonstrated and people started to play with it. The avatars were made to act autonomously due to how some species had a distinct advantage when manipulating a digital interface, thus bringing up the old arguments yet again.

One curious result of the AI algorithm avatar generator is that it quite frequently created multiple avatars for each person, only the more hive-mind-like species tended to be represented by a singular avatar within the Games. It is theorized, again because nobody can understand how it really works, that most intelligent beings have multiple "personas" i.e. distinct behavior and personalities in certain common situations, primarily a "public" and "private" persona.

In fact, it is most common for everyone to generate about a three to five avatar "team" that represents the one individual. In comparison, if an ant were to get scanned and put in the games, its avatar would be a single incredibly powerful avatar with many deficiencies, but an overwhelming advantage in several disciplines.

When Humans first entered the Games, as expected, they too had teams as avatars. What was not expected, was that these avatars would sometimes work alone instead of together as a team, deliberately not help one another, and even engage in infighting and the sabotage of another "self".

The Humans suggested that it is perhaps because hypocrisy is not uncommon among them. Self destructive tendencies also appear rather frequently. These Humans almost always are themselves surprised by how contradictory their avatar team composition ends up being.

While the Games themselves happened as normal, the Humans overall placed in the top 20% brackets of most competitive challenges, and scattered roughly evenly everywhere else, they then approached us with a most unusual request.

"Give us a copy of this AI algorithm scanner thing. We think this is the most revolutionary therapy and psychological diagnosis device we've come across."

Of course we obliged and helped set up centers in a number of stations and on Earth itself.

Last we heard, some Humans have avatars that are singular nigh-nightmarish monstrosities, while a very tiny fraction have minds so splintered that their avatars are teams of dozens, one time even over a hundred distinct versions of themselves. Then there are even some seemingly regular Humans who broke the scanner - it gave the error: "Only one individual can be scanned at a time."

Upon "fixing" it with a hack, the results for those were unheard of. Two distinct avatars. Not a team of two, but by all accounts, the AI algorithm identified two separate individuals within one mind, each with very little in common with the other. Sometimes there was nothing in common, even their digital visual representation.

The mind is incredibly complex and hard to comprehend. The Human mind, while biologically quite peculiar but not outside the realms of understood evolution, neurologically it seems to hold near limitless diversity, both complimentary, contradictory, and beyond.

#humans are space orcs #humans are space australians #humans are space oddities #humans are deathworlders #humanity fuck yeah #carionto

[carionto]

Punchjay

The town got its name because the founder (current mayor) really hates a guy named Jay.

Jay lives there.

Jay has never been punched.

The mayor one day punches Jay.

Jay files a court case against the mayor.

The court finds the mayor guilty and puts him in prison.

Jay becomes mayor.

The town is renamed to Laughathenry.

Jay laughs at Henry (the former mayor) on the same day.

The next day Jay leaves town and is never seen again.

Local cat Whiskers is elected mayor and her reign lasts for seventeen years.

The town is never renamed.

#carionto #random #there are towns with far worse names #and far dumber reasons for their names

[carionto]

Just. One. More. Episode.

Alien: Hmm, I haven't seen Human in a while.

Alien 2: That is worrying, you know to never leave your Human out of sight for too long. That's how you get the Ant World they tried to hide.

A: Hmm, but it's also not a good idea to pry into their privacy too much.

A2: True. What were they last doing?

A: Carrying several boxes of flavored nutrient packs into their apartment.

A2: Did they mention anything about a specific subject that had not come up much at all before?

A: Hmm, they did recommend I check out a documentary series about true crime. I did, but couldn't finish. It went into disturbing details.

A2: Oh no. Now, this is important - did they say the word marathon before you last saw them?

A: Hmm, I think so, yes.

A2: How many boxes? And how long ago since they brought them in?

A: Hmm, eight and three days ago.

A2: Your Human will appear in about thirteen days.

A: Ah, I think I understand now, but they're alone, shouldn't a standard nutrient box last about 5 days per Human?

A2: When on a regular schedule, yes, roughly. Your Human is intently watching countless hours of these documentaries and are likely unaware of their rate of consumption due to being emotionally engaged with the subject matter.

A: That is... disturbing. Should we intervene?

A2: No, it's a phase. If we take them away from their current subject of passion, it will become more entrenched, potentially. Best to let them run out of nutrients and force themselves to leave that environment. Then we can persuade them to return to normalcy, given they will be more accepting of the idea due to leaving that situation of their own will.

A: And if they are not persuadable?

A2: Then we get another Human to metaphorically "bonk" them back to their senses. Although on some Humans a literal bonking works too. It's very circumstantial.

A: Hmm...

A2: Although there is also the risk of the other Human becoming convinced to join them instead on further diving into the subject matter. There does appear to be an endless supply of these true crime shows on the Human extranet.

A: That is... not reassuring in any way.

A2: Well, that's Humans for you.

#carionto #humans are weird #humans are space orcs #humans are space oddities #story #i am literally binging true crime these past few weeks now #hard to write something fun when all I got is murder stories #but they are so engaging #i cant help myself #i need more #eventually I'll burn out #probably

[carionto]

The duality of Man, or triality? quadrality?

Alien to Human about New Human: Correct me if I'm wrong, but they appear abnormally large for your species?

H: Yea, he's a biggun alright, even without the EV suit I'd say... 7'3'', 310 pounds, bet he power lifts.

A: Umm... not to be rude, but, uhh... he seems, well... how should I put this...

H: Intimidating? Terrifying? Evil? Yea, if this station didn't have high screening standards I'd be totally pissing myself if he started walking towards me. The mohawk and eye tat totally make me believe he could snap me in two with a single glare.

A: I feel ashamed that my instincts are telling me to flee. I wish nature were easier to change.

H (shouting at NH): Hey buddy! Could you come over here for a minute please? You look awesome by the way!

A (whispering nervously): what are you doing?!?

H: Gotta overcome those fears somehow, I believe the best way is a direct confrontation.

NH approaches, somewhat slowly, looking around at all the other aliens in the station that are chatting, waiting around, or doing some work. He finally approaches A and H, and in a very deep and husky voice says: Um, hi, hello. T-thanks for the compliment, I, uh, was a little worried I would stand out too much here.

H: Oh you totally do, my friend over here is practically about to pass out from how much like a gothic viking of death metal you look.

NH: Oh no, I'm so sorry, I-I just grew up in Sweden-Delta and both my parents were huge into classic local music, so I just, uh... it's complicated. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare anyone.

H: Hey, relax pal, we're all good people here. Anyway, what you here to do? I'm planning on starting a bakery, still testing out what kind of flour most species here can actually stomach. My friend here is on the team working on Moon theft preventative measures.

NH: Oh, that's cool. I'm here as an exchange student with the department of applied astrophysics. If all goes well, I can finish my Bachelors degree remotely and stay here as an intern with the head researcher.

H: Oooh, that's cool. (so cool yea that you're apparently half my age but oh well guess I'm a big fat time waster like my father before me and oh god change the subject before I get depressed in front of strangers) That's a real big bag you got there, carrying some super secret science things, eh?

NH: Oh, that... uhh... guess it can't hurt to tell, security vetted it already anyway.

NH proceeds to unzip the bag and hold up a large white piece of clothing with light blue rings and accents, alongside a strange white cap with what looked like small fins, and a curious little backpack.

NH: It's uhh... um... my... Ika... musume... cosplay.... (oh gods I can't believe I said it out loud again)

After a moment of awkward silence, NH slowly puts on the backpack and presses a button on it's strap, and suddenly numerous light blue colored tentacle-like appendages sprout out from the backpack and move in line with NH's movements.

NH: I, uh..., got my engineering friend to make them articulate and interface with my contacts. I can make them do all sorts of things, like make various shapes and animals with them, though works best as a shadow theater.

H:...

NH:...

A now frozen out of confusion than fear:...

H: That's so

NH: (oh I know it's so lame, but I love that show)-

H: COOL! I don't know what a ika musume is, but those things look amazing. You said articulate? How precise can they be? I'd love to have something like that instead of my useless assistant. Poor lad can't make a piece of toast if his life depended on it...

NH: Y-you like it?

H: I LOVE those things. My daughter does cosplay too sometimes, but she makes her Dreadnought suits herself from scraps. One time the military came to our house and installed a limiter on the gauss cannon she found in a crash site, said it would otherwise start to generate small doses of radiation if used too frequently. But she replaced it with a handmade rail gun before the next convention. Do you go to those? Did you see a 7 meter tall hulking metal monstrosity with a bunch of candles all over? That was her.

NH: Oh, I think I've seen video of that, but no, not in person, I go to smaller events. I don't really like big crowds.

H: Oh yea, I get ya, you do seem a bit on the shy side now that we've been talking for a bit. Hey, no worries, like I said, we're all good people here.

NH: T-thanks, but I think I should be going now, the teacher is calling me over.

H: Oh yea, go ahead, didn't mean to take up so much of your time. Have a fun stay and I'm sure you'll ace that paper or theory? Or whatever astrophysicists do, you seem like a solid kid.

NH: Oh, uh, thanks. Good luck with your bakery. And you with stopping those weird people from stealing more moons. Bye.

H: Bye bye, come visit, don't be a stranger now, I'm set up just a short bit from the main lift on floor 14.

NH: R-right, I'll, uh, be sure to stop by soon.

A is finally able to process what they just heard and says: What was all that just now?

H: What? Just a friendly chat with what is apparently basically a kid. Man, this kid's got so much going on, while I'm almost 50 and I have an oven. Life, man, it can go in so many ways. Anyway, let's go grab a drink, I'm parched.

#humans are space australians #humans are space orcs #humans are space oddities #humans are deathworlders #humanity fuck yeah #carionto #story #I intended to quickly write some silly dialogue again #and yet #somehow words kept happening again and now we have a #long post #and it's 1:30 at night #oh well #words won't write themselves #at least not well #I bet an AI couldn't make my kind of nonsense #AI isn't as chaotic as my brain #and it wants to generally follow existing best practices and common formats #well I say fuck that #I'm just a means to transfer what my brain spits out into reality

[carionto]

and one more thing, I didn't look at anything but the very detailed drawing of the blue bird, thought to myself "that's a nice image of a blue bird" and nothing else. And I'll probably never see that image ever again. Kinda fitting with what I ended up writing I think. and now im overthinking things and oversharing over something that could not be more simple, less thought out, for much longer than it took to write the whole thing. is that irony? I don't know. does it matter? probably not. will the next sentence be the last? yes.

The Blue Bird

Timothy and Leandra aboard the Blue Bird set to the skies and beyond on a whim just a year ago. No navigation plan, no backup, no contacts. Just the two of them on a journey to prove something to themselves.

Watching the colorful skies of alien worlds pass by, drifting between the stars of barren worlds, circling around empty moons. It didn't matter where they went, just as long as they were just the two of them. Just because that's how they wanted it to be. Just a simple impulsive idea.

What they did, no one will know. The Blue Bird records no secrets - it's as simple as can be. A little free bird flying wherever its wings will take it. All it can do is keep going. Until the day it finally can't.

How long will it drift from world to world. How many more eyes will lay upon this little bird crossing the skies, never to know where it came from, where it will go, who it carried. Some things will never be known.

What they will know is that the Blue Bird lived up to its name. Elegant, sleek, vibrant, and blue. The kind of ship you'd want to take on a ride through space. One you might consider never leaving.

The Blue Bird sends no signals and takes no calls. Like a phantom it sweeps through the skies offering no answers, asking no questions. Simply gaze upon it and wonder. Then, when it fades from view, cherish the memory if you wish, but let go of any hope of understanding it.

Sometimes things just are. Let them be.

[carionto]

Forgot to mention it in the tags, but there was a nice image of a blue bird in the tumblr radar thing when i sat down to write something, so I put down the title and just wrote whatever first came to mind.

The Blue Bird

Timothy and Leandra aboard the Blue Bird set to the skies and beyond on a whim just a year ago. No navigation plan, no backup, no contacts. Just the two of them on a journey to prove something to themselves.

Watching the colorful skies of alien worlds pass by, drifting between the stars of barren worlds, circling around empty moons. It didn't matter where they went, just as long as they were just the two of them. Just because that's how they wanted it to be. Just a simple impulsive idea.

What they did, no one will know. The Blue Bird records no secrets - it's as simple as can be. A little free bird flying wherever its wings will take it. All it can do is keep going. Until the day it finally can't.

How long will it drift from world to world. How many more eyes will lay upon this little bird crossing the skies, never to know where it came from, where it will go, who it carried. Some things will never be known.

What they will know is that the Blue Bird lived up to its name. Elegant, sleek, vibrant, and blue. The kind of ship you'd want to take on a ride through space. One you might consider never leaving.

The Blue Bird sends no signals and takes no calls. Like a phantom it sweeps through the skies offering no answers, asking no questions. Simply gaze upon it and wonder. Then, when it fades from view, cherish the memory if you wish, but let go of any hope of understanding it.

Sometimes things just are. Let them be.

[carionto]

The Blue Bird

Timothy and Leandra aboard the Blue Bird set to the skies and beyond on a whim just a year ago. No navigation plan, no backup, no contacts. Just the two of them on a journey to prove something to themselves.

Watching the colorful skies of alien worlds pass by, drifting between the stars of barren worlds, circling around empty moons. It didn't matter where they went, just as long as they were just the two of them. Just because that's how they wanted it to be. Just a simple impulsive idea.

What they did, no one will know. The Blue Bird records no secrets - it's as simple as can be. A little free bird flying wherever its wings will take it. All it can do is keep going. Until the day it finally can't.

How long will it drift from world to world. How many more eyes will lay upon this little bird crossing the skies, never to know where it came from, where it will go, who it carried. Some things will never be known.

What they will know is that the Blue Bird lived up to its name. Elegant, sleek, vibrant, and blue. The kind of ship you'd want to take on a ride through space. One you might consider never leaving.

The Blue Bird sends no signals and takes no calls. Like a phantom it sweeps through the skies offering no answers, asking no questions. Simply gaze upon it and wonder. Then, when it fades from view, cherish the memory if you wish, but let go of any hope of understanding it.

Sometimes things just are. Let them be.

#carionto #story #humans are weird #I dont know what im on about #sometimes words do just happen #dont overthink it #I didnt

[carionto]

Humans are Loud

Most cultural exchange is done formally through official channels.

No matter how advanced a civilization you are, when meeting a whole new species, they are fundamentally alien to you in ways that need to be handled carefully and introduced to gradually, or you risk creating a bad first impression, or worse - incite conflict over something that is trivial to one side, but a grave taboo to the other.

However, once you have done preliminary work and both sides have emissaries and ambassadors stationed with each other, it becomes easier and more appropriate to learn about one another through unofficial means. Without curation.

And the most effective method, though legally dubious, is to disguise yourself as one of them and go to some places of public gathering.

Kol Rathar, from the bipedal Jorval race, wanted to experience what a day in the life of a regular Human was. So they picked a random population center on the Earth, engaged their personal disguise kit, tucked in some documents that explain who they are and the legality of their actions should they be discovered, and landed in the city of Neljaes-Helsinki.

It's the dead of winter, a bone chilling -1 degrees Celsius, Kol Rathar immediately turns up their life support to max and heads for the nearest public space. They enter what's called a "bar", take a seat, and order a beer. So as to not arouse suspicion, they "drink" the poison like a Human would, but there is a filter between the mouth on the hardlight holographic disguise and Kol Rathar's that detoxifies the alcohol and turns it into potable water. It still reeks and is hard to swallow, but it won't kill them.

They engage in general banter with some other patrons - Humans tend to dislike quiet in public spaces and often find it odd or unnerving. Universal topics like the weather, traffic, Mondays (most civilizations have an equivalent), and how everything is more expensive again (also a common occurrence across the Galaxy).

Then one of the patrons shouts to "Turn it up!" and the bartender raises the volume of the broadcast receiver to where Kol Rathar almost jumped from the shock, but thankfully the noise suppression kicked in just in time. it displayed a competitive engagement between two teams of Humans in heavily padded suits and helmets, wielding curved sticks and trying to push a small black object into the opposing net.

It did not take long for an act of violence to happen. One participant slammed their gloved fists into another, they retaliated, then a third assaulted the first, another three came out of nowhere and in seconds it was an incoherent pile of bodies slamming into each other, helmets flying off, the safety barriers were constantly vibrating, and it took a whole minute before the referees could dismantle the armageddon.

Kol Rathar thought this was the end of the game, something had gone horribly wrong, but before they could think further, they noticed everyone else in the bar was acting normal, most were looking at the altercation, but their behavior seemed... normal. Like this act of violence was common, expected even. Kol Rathar decided to maintain their cover and continue observing. They still couldn't believe that the competition was resuming after that.

Several minutes passed without another incident, the players of this "hockey" game were all very agile and adept at manipulating the small puck with their hockey sticks. WHILE SKATING ON ICE WITH THIN PIECES OF METAL ON THEIR FEET!

Kol Rathar had not even registered that fact earlier due to the "excitement" and was now awed by the sheer level of mastery and multitasking these players displayed.

Then one team finally scored a goal and Kol Rathar lost consciousness.

When they came to, they were in a hospital bed of the local Coalition embassy building being treated for shock and residual toxin exposure. The dense Human atmosphere saturated with bar patron activities will eventually overwhelm most low to medium threshold filtration systems that disguise kits come standard with.

The medic explained that there are very valid reasons for the strict requirements of Aliens visiting Human environments, and it's not a result of bureaucratic meddling over millennia as is with some other Coalition members. Nobody wants to read five hundred pages of anything, they get that, but Kol Rathar was lucky the Humans at the bar had mostly only recently arrived for the game and were not as intoxicated as they became after they were taken by the ER.

Kol Rathar's experience has been added to the guide for visiting Humans, which has recently been renamed to:

"Don't, but if you have to READ EVERYTHING HERE. There's an embedded audio book too. We know it's thirty hours long, but you will DIE if you don't listen to us!"

#humans are space orcs #humans are space australians #humans are space oddities #humans are deathworlders #humanity fuck yeah #carionto

[carionto]

Enjoying the whole 'verse. As I make my way through, there was one thing I haven't seen, but maybe I missed or haven't gotten to yet. So if it's not there, and you're still taking some prompts via ask, what happened to the inevitable humans that decided to explore the universe outside of our bubble, when we were in that other dimension area?

True nothing.

Despite the planetside chaos, though for some - precisely because of it, there were a number of efforts to go beyond what we brought along with us to the dimension between when we "vanished".

Every single time it was disappointment, if they returned that is.

The sky was barren, yet sunshine made the days bright, and the tides still came as they always had.

The Sun is there. The Moon is there. Everything is still as it was. We just... can't see it, can't interact with it.

Understandably, many could not accept such a lack of logic and set out for space once more, once it became possible to escape the debris field that is.

Some went to the Moon, but could never find an orbit. Their craft was not pulled by anything other than the Earth. One even tried going to the center of the Sun. Same result.

Yet the fact the seasons still changed meant we were going around the Sun as normal. Heck, even Lunar eclipses still happened when they should. This maddening reality meant that every few decades before we finally reacquired the knowledge and technical ability to "reappear" saw one or two individuals who refused to believe that where we were, between dimensions, contained just the Earth and everything on it and nothing else forever in every direction.

That didn't matter to them. In fact, that's what drove them to try to prove that false. They never came back to "reappear" with the rest of Humanity. And they never will. Not after what everyone experienced after we did.

We didn't mean to leave anyone behind, we were planning on sending back a beacon, hoping they get the message and eventually return. But not now. Whatever -it- is thinking, if it is intelligent at all, we can't risk anything.

Those few dozen souls have been abandoned. Maybe some will never know it, forever continuing their unfulfillable quest, while others will drift to where their computer will say the Earth is and not find it, forever lost to despair until the end of their lives.

Or perhaps some will figure out their own way of "reappearing" one day. One such mission was a fully staffed research cruiser with a combined total of ninety PhDs in relevant fields (and about 200 in fake majors, but alas). So it is not out of the question a group of desperate but determined and disillusioned deviants could surprise us.

Or maybe they will be "reappeared" by someone or something else. Recent revelations that there may be more to reality than we knew leave infinite possibilities on the table now.

(thanks for the prompt, I also thought I had addressed this somewhere and forgot)

#humans are space orcs #humans are space australians #humans are space oddities #humans are deathworlders #humanity fuck yeah #carionto

[carionto]

Learning is a two way space street

Aliens: *welds a dozen weird alien computers together*

Human: "Uhh, what'cha doin?"

A: "Slapping things together to see if it works. You know, what you would do."

H: "But aren't you always complaining about us doing that?"

A: "Yes, but then it keeps working for some reason. Sometimes for no reason. So, why not."

H: "Yeah, fair, I got nothing. So what's this supposed to do?"

A: "Infinite processing power? Simulate the whole Universe from the dawn of time? Summon tacos? I dunno."

H: "Alright then. Well, uh, good luck with that? Huh... feels weird for me to say that."

A: "Now you know how we feel all the time."

#humans are space orcs #humans are space australians #humans are deathworlders #humans are space oddities #humanity fuck yeah #carionto

[carionto]

Do you think aliens would be weirded or freaked out that when we're tickled, it's actually a pain response but laughter (sometimes anger) is the only way we can deal with it? Or that tickling is even a thing?

That startling repeated noise.

Humans often make it, particularly when with other Humans. They say it's generally a reaction to positive emotional and unexpected physical stimulation in certain parts of their bodies. It is quite... disturbing sometimes.

Once a Human asked me to "tickle" them, saying my slender feathery limbs would be a fantastic sensation to experience. They raised their arms up and exposed their bare skin and said: "Go for the sides. My ribs are extra sensitive to that." Hesitantly, I complied.

Upon the lightest touch, they screamed louder than I had ever heard anyone do. It was mortifying, like the death-wail of a raging beast. I instinctively snapped back and my feet jolted me 10 meters away in a second.

The Human kept making this noise for a brief moment, then asked me to come back and continue, saying: "Oh man, I've never felt anything that gently peculiar. It's like a hundred feathers all in one place caressing each individual nerve ending. It's okay, us Humans love laughing like this, it's great."

Despite my initial shock and discomfort at the noise, I decided to comply and "tickle" the Human for a few minutes. It was a rather grueling experience to be honest, but after a short while, seeing more of what their "joy" looks like, I grew accustomed to the noise. Just a little.

"Whoo, damn, that actually tired me out. Haven't had a good laugh like that in a while, thanks for humoring me." The Human said while looking exhausted and catching their breath. I have never seen a Human on this station be physically tired before, even when they run and jump around and recklessly endanger their lives. But a light touch, I barely even had to move, and the Human was all but incapacitated.

"Hey, could you do me a favor? When you go back to your department, give one of the people there a tickle, someone who looks all gloomy or is often complaining about something. They could use a laugh. It won't be as effective through clothing, but trust me, they'll thank you for it. And if they don't just tell them I told you to do it, it'll be fine."

That last phrase raised alarm bells, but the reassurance and how much fun they seemed to have convinced me to accept their request. After all, it is a good thing to spread joy and happiness, so if this is one way I can help out Humans, then I should.

Big mistake.

When I got back and noticed one Human who fit the description, I approached them from behind and tickled the back of their neck, as I was told that is another sensitive spot.

They screamed, turned around and slapped my arm out of the way faster than I could retract it.

The bone is still healing, doctors said it would take a month for all the fractures to fully reconnect and harden, but the nerve connection to my seventh finger was so badly damaged I would never be able to fully extend it again.

I was visited by both Humans who I had "tickled" and the first was in a very apologetic and defeated mood. The other spoke: "I apologize for breaking your arm. I did not mean to. Tickling is one of those things we don't fully understand about ourselves, but it isn't just about having fun and being entertained." This was pointed more to the first Human.

"It's an automatic response, most Humans feel ticklish like this one here, but some, like me, find it painful and our response to external stimuli towards sensitive parts of our bodies is to protect them fiercely, like you had the misfortune of experience for yourself."

"I'll speak to the administration and have them include this in the guidelines for interacting with us Humans. And," turning directly towards the first Human now: "I'll have them include a section for Humans about not teaching our Alien friends to play children's tricks on us." They turned back to me. "Get well soon, and again, sorry about this mess."

#humans are space orcs #humans are space australians #humans are space oddities #humans are deathworlders #carionto #humanity fuck yeah