#killing and one is too many; no shark deserves to die for a shit film‚ even if it is (absurdly) arguing for their better protection.

[lady-divine-writes]

Good Omens - “Plot Twist” (Rated PG13)

Summary: Embroiled in the aftermath of two very messy break-ups, Crowley and Aziraphale are preparing to film their first love scene together. But how do you pretend to be in love when your love life is falling apart?

It probably doesn't hurt to be in love with your co-star. (2318 words)

Notes: So I made the chauffeur young Shadwell, but patterned after young Michael McKean, who I was desperately in love with back in the day XD Human au, ineffable wives, mention of past Aziraphale/Gabriel, mostly just fluff

Read on AO3.

“Ooo, I get a limo this time. Fancy, fancy,” Crowley mumbles, not nearly as impressed as she’s pretending to be. She’d much rather drive herself in her own Bentley and in her own sweet arse time. But she needs to keep up appearances. 

There are always two eyes and a camera lens on her at any given moment.

Even though it’s the literal buttcrack of dawn, she’s not alone. There are about thirty asshats, armed with cameras, camped out on her doorstep, climbing over each other to snap a candid of her for the gossip sites. A photo of her emerging from her rented townhouse fresh-faced and ready for another day on set will fetch an easy hundred pounds.

But if she looks like she rolled out of bed, drank a bottle of whiskey for breakfast, then fell down a flight of stairs, landing face-first onto a mountain of cocaine? Those pictures would fetch considerably more.

That’s what she gets for going through a horrendous break-up while having the nerve to be rich and famous.

She thought that when the production moved filming away from London and out to California, the buzz surrounding her personal affairs would die down. On the contrary. It seemed to get worse, in part because the states don’t have the same paparazzi laws the UK does.

She can’t sit down to take a proper shit without seeing a flash pop off.

Despite how she feels about her life at the moment, she went for class over crass. She shies away from hard drugs, and she can't justify looking less than her best, especially in public. 

She refuses to let anyone see her sweat.

“Antonia! Antonia! Over here!” the pariahs beckon, some of them whistling for her attention like she’s a dog. “Antonia! Hey, Crowley!”

Crowley.

That’s the one that gets to her - burrows into the roots of her teeth and makes her head pulsate with rage. It keeps her feet moving when she might have stopped to exchange a polite hello, given out an autograph. And the sick thing is these vultures probably realize that. 

That’s why they keep doing it. 

Who talks to people like that? When did it become acceptable to bellow out someone’s last name as a means of getting their attention? Is it too much to ask for them to shove a ‘Mrs.’ in front of it? Have these glorified stalkers forgotten that, if it weren’t for her and stars like her, the only jobs they could get would be snapping photos of families at Legoland for minimum wage?

Ugh. 

Too much thinking too early in the morning.

She could write an entire essay on how much she loathes pap culture, but today, she can’t be bothered caring.

She’s filming one of the most anticipated scenes of her whole career on one of the worst days of her life. 

That’s the hurdle she needs to focus on.

She slaps on a smile and waves, sliding her glasses down her nose only far enough so they can’t see how red her eyes have gotten from crying.

“Oh, ‘ello, loves! I didn’t see you all here! So nice of you to greet me at 5:30 on this fine winter morning! Oh, careful there. You spilled your coffee. And I think you just kicked that poor lad in the face. You wanna give him a hand up there? He’s bleedin’ all over the pavement.”

Crowley greets her guests this way every morning, killing them with kindness, as subtle an eff you as she can come up with when her brain cells have yet to kick in for the day.

Coffee. She needs coffee. About a gallon-and-a-half of it.

And a shot of bourbon might be nice.

Crowley glides through the crowd, an angelfish among sharks, and comes out unscathed.

A man with brown hair, pale skin, and striking blue eyes, wearing a fitted, black uniform tailored to within an inch of its life, opens the car door for her as she approaches.

"Good morning, Mrs. Crowley."

“Good morning, Mr. Shadwell. It's nice to see you.” Crowley slides into the car, thankful when the chauffeur shuts the door. She sinks into the leather seat and tosses her sunglasses aside. “God!" she moans, burying her face in her hands. "I don't want to do this! I want to stay home, eat ice cream, and drink tremendous amounts of alcohol! I definitely don’t want to be snogging anyone today!”

Aziraphale, who had been waiting patiently with a small box of assorted cookies and wearing a sympathetic smile, frowns. “Wow. Thank you, my dear.”

Crowley's head snaps up, her face splotchy, and red enough to rival her hair in seconds. “Aziraphale! I am so sorry! I didn’t know you were …! That’s not what I meant!" She takes a deep breath in, lets it out slowly. "It's not you, angel. I swear it isn’t. I just don’t feel particularly romantic today.”

“It’s all right. I know what you mean. I feel the same way.”

Crowley squares Aziraphale with a stern look. “Wow. Thank you.”

Aziraphale ducks her eyes, her cheeks turning pink as she offers Crowley a cookie from the box. She wonders if Aziraphale made them herself. She often does bake to pass the time. So much so that she's become quite good at it.

Life hasn’t been treating her too kindly, either.

The cookies are delicate little things, intricately frosted in red, green, and white, decorated as bells and angels and snowflakes in honor of Christmas. 

Because it’s Christmas. 

Crowley is having the worst day of her life a week before Christmas.

Sigh.

There is usually champagne, no matter what vehicle the studio sends to pick them up. She wonders where it’s gone, searching about for it. Crowley and Aziraphale rarely avail themselves to it, preferring to wait till after the shooting day is done to have a nightcap.

But today, it feels like a necessity.

Leave it to the studio to not provide them a bottle of bubbly on the one day Crowley longs to drown in it.

“I didn’t know Shadwell was picking you up first,” Crowley says, starting small talk to ease the tension. Crowley and Aziraphale don’t usually have trouble making small talk.

Today is an exception.

“Well ...” Aziraphale clears embarrassment from her throat “... I was just … you know … a few blocks down the way.”

Crowley sits up further, leans forward with interest. “So you did it. You left him. You left Gabriel.”

“Yes,” Aziraphale replies quietly. “I couldn’t stay. Not after …” She stops and sniffles, turning her head to hide eyes that must be as red as Crowley’s. Crowley doesn’t know.

She only ever notices how incredible they are.

Crowley rests a comforting hand on Aziraphale’s knee. “I know.” 

“Yeah,” Aziraphale says with a slightly bitter laugh. “So does the whole world. In fact, the photogs knew I was leaving before I knew. You should have seen it. I could barely get past them.”

Crowley pulls a box of tissues out of the side panel and offers her co-star one. “They’re bottom feeders. The lot of them. Try to ignore them.”

“Easier said than done.”

“I know,” Crowley repeats, feeling exceptionally useless. She’s in the exact same boat, but her heart hurts more for Aziraphale.

Aziraphale doesn’t deserve what she's going through. She doesn’t deserve such a public break-up.

She doesn’t deserve having her name drug all over social media by an emotionally manipulative bastard who thinks he's God's gift.

Crowley gazes out the window at the sky above. The forecast said it would be clear and sunny today, but it’s cloudy and grey. It matches Crowley's mood. Everything is cloudy and grey.

Well, maybe not everything.

The cookie she's eating isn’t. It’s sweet and crisp and melts in her mouth. It puts a smile on her face.

That helps.

Aziraphale helps, too.

Even gloomy, melancholy Aziraphale helps.

Just being in Aziraphale's presence helps.

“Living in the public eye isn’t all it’s cracked up to be, is it, my dear?” Aziraphale asks, though it sounds as much like a statement to herself as a question for Crowley.

“Not on days like today. But that’s the trade-off for being a star, I suppose.” 

“Would you ever give it up?” Aziraphale asks, taking a nibble of her Madeleine.

“I can’t say I would. You?”

“Nnnn ... no."

"There isn't anything else you wanted to do?" Crowley asks, latching on to her hesitation. "Not even when you were younger?"

"Well ..." Aziraphale bobs her head back and forth. "To be honest, I have always wanted to own my own bookshop. Or perhaps work in a library. But that's only if acting didn't work out. Acting has given me so many opportunities I could never have dreamed of. And all the great people I've met? I mean, this is what? The fifth film we’ve starred in together?”

“It is." 

Aziraphale chuckles. "Some of them have been real winners."

"I know! The roles you get offered when you're just starting out are criminal! Let’s see, we’ve been rogue enemy agents from different factions …”

“High school frenemies …”

“Alien co-conspirators …”

“Jealous rivals …”

“And now … lovers.”

“Yes,” Aziraphale says bashfully. “And today …”

Crowley smiles. “We get together for the first time.”

Hearing Crowley say it makes Aziraphale’s heart race, her pulse thrumming so fast it disappears.

The day Aziraphale found out she’d gotten the role of Crowley’s love interest and not the ‘jealous ex’ (the role her agent originally pitched for her since they play adversaries so well) was a dream come true. The studio felt the two of them could take their insane sexual tension (the studio's words, not Aziraphale's, although she doesn't disagree) and use it to fuel the plot of their latest 'friends-to-lovers' rom-com.

Aziraphale has always wanted to be a leading lady. Deep down, she prayed that her first time, she'd play opposite Crowley. Now that it has finally happened, the role of her dreams comes with the greatest perk in the universe - an intimate moment with Antonia.

In front of about three dozen crew members, but still. 

It's Aziraphale's chance to indulge her crush, which she plans to savor since it may not come around again. 

Not in the way Aziraphale wants.

As friendly as Crowley is to her, as flirty as she can be, Aziraphale doesn't know for sure whether Crowley shares her feelings.

“If you don't mind my asking, when did she tell you?” Aziraphale asks.

“She didn’t." Crowley snorts humorlessly. "I woke up, and she was gone. I thought she had left for work. She had a table reading at six that morning, so I wasn’t immediately suspicious. Not until I started noticing important things were missing - clothes, toiletries, her contact lenses, her laptop …” 

"Did she tell you why she was leaving?"

Crowley chews her lower lip at the question she'd known was coming ... the answer she's debating whether or not to give. "Eventually." She glances up at Aziraphale, flashes a sly grin, and decides to go for broke. “She left because she thought I was falling in love with my co-star.”

"Really?" And just like that, Aziraphale dies, her heart shrinking into nothing and blowing away on the wind. "W-which one?" she asks, solely for conversation's sake.

This time, when Crowley snorts, clamping a hand over her mouth to keep from spraying crumbs all over the interior of the limo, it's genuine. "You, you gumball!"

"Oh. Oh!" Aziraphale’s expression of shock is so endearing, Crowley can’t look at it too long. There's a glow about her. It's like staring into the sun. “That's ... that’s funny. Gabriel broke up with me for the same reason. Because of ... you. At least, that's the excuse he gave on Twitter ... and Instagram ... and Facebook.” Aziraphale's glow dims as she talks about her ex. Their relationship, and separation, weren’t as civil as Crowley’s. In reality, trouble had been brewing behind the scenes for a while. 

She’s glad they finally went their separate ways, but it stings just the same, finding out that someone you once loved, who you thought loved you back, just wanted someone to push around. To control.

"That is funny. Not funny ha-ha. Just ... funny. Who would have thunk?" Crowley goes back to her cookie, taking small bites while keeping an eye on Aziraphale.

Aziraphale glances out the window as the limo slows, approaching the gates to the studio lot. Crowley doesn't follow Aziraphale's gaze.

She doesn't need to. 

She knows what Aziraphale sees by the way her face falls.

Aziraphale had hoped they could slip in quietly, but there's already a mob three feet deep waiting for them. The photographers and fans won't be able to see a thing through the car's windows. The tint on them is darker than dark. Still, the whole lot will be on high alert with them here. 

Inevitably, a handful will slip in. 

They may even find their way on set.

Aziraphale doesn't have the energy to deal with that.

Not today.

“How are we going to get through it?" Aziraphale asks. "Filming this scene? The timing is ... uncanny, to say the least.”

“Think of it this way …” Crowley slides across to Aziraphale’s side, sits as close as they're both comfortable with. Crooking a finger beneath her chin, Crowley draws Aziraphale's attention away from the gathering crowd and over to her eyes instead “… we get to spend the entire afternoon making each other feel better. That's how we're going to get through this. Agreed?”

Aziraphale’s eyes lower, flicker to Crowley's lips unintentionally. When they travel back up, she notices Crowley's eyes do the same. She swallows hard. At this distance from Crowley, from her mouth, Aziraphale only has the wherewithal to say one word. She makes it count. "Agreed."

#good omens #good omens fanfiction #ineffable wives #ineffable husbands #crowley x aziraphale #aziraphale x crowley

[mst3kproject]

Kingdom of the Spiders

Yep, this is the one with William Shatner in it.  It was directed by John ‘you really undermine your authority when you put Bud in the middle of your name’ Cardos, who did the same job for The Day Time Ended and Outlaw.  It’s also available on Rifftrax, so I think we’re fully qualified for EtNW status… but if you need one more returning star, we have of course the much-maligned Mexican Red-Knee Tarantula.

The Shatmeister is Dr. Robert Hansen, the vet in these here parts. He’s not sure what caused Mr. Colby’s prize calf to suddenly fall sick and die, so he summons help that arrives in the form of Dr. Diane Ashley, an expert on venomous animals.  She quickly determines that the area is being invaded by huge, pissed-off tarantulas!  The over-use of pesticides has forced the spiders to evolve, and they’ve become social hunters with a more concentrated and deadly venom.  In large numbers they’re capable of taking down cattle, dogs… and maybe even humans.  The soundtrack consists of terrible country songs, all of them by the same guy you’ve never heard of.

As 70’s Nature’s Revenge movies go, Kingdom of the Spiders is… adequate.  It’s not remarkably bad, but there’s nothing particularly creative or interesting in it, either.  The direction is nondescript – none of the shots are visually striking, but anything artsy would be out-of-place in a film that’s intended to look as down-to-earth as the farmers and cowboys that populate it.  There’s a county fair that stands in for the Fourth of July Weekend from Jaws, and a ‘spider hill’ that serves as the Smaller Shark, but both of them are mentioned and then just kind of go away, rather than fulfilling any role in the plot.  They’re there for the same reason as the love triangle, because movies are supposed to have those.

The love triangle is what’ll make you hate Shatner’s character. Dr. Hansen seems dedicated to his work and he’s kind to his neighbours, but he’s an absolute ass to women. He seems to have a thing going on with his dead brother’s widow, Terri, which is very Claudius of him, but he rejects her almost violently when she accidentally calls him by her husband’s name. In one scene he teases that he might marry her himself, and then a day later he’s bringing Diane by to introduce her, which results in Terri fleeing to the kitchen to cry.  The impression we get is that he can read her signals, he just doesn’t give a shit.

He’s a jerk to Diane, too.  He asks her on a date moments after saying he has to go see ‘his girl’ that afternoon.  It turns out he’s referring to his four-year-old niece, but he didn’t clarify that until after he asked Diane out, which can only mean he deliberately led her to think he wants to cheat on somebody with her.  Later when he wants her attention, he runs her off the road and basically kidnaps her for dinner with him, and then he drives her car after she’s angrily told him not to.  He teases her about her feminism and makes her open beers for him… and of course this is supposed to be Twu Wuv.

Like a lot of useless love triangles in a lot of useless movies, this one is resolved when the third party dies.  Shatner therefore doesn’t have to choose – if Terri had lived and he’d chosen Diane instead, she might have decided to reduce Hansen’s time with her daughter Linda, whom he clearly adores.  With Terri dead, he gets Diane and the child all to himself.  Terri was nothing but an inconvenience, and is summarily disposed of.

I did like Diane, though.  She comes across as kind of a snotty bitch when we first meet her, but she warms up fast.  My favourite part of the movie is when she sees a gigantic tarantula crawling out of a drawer at her hotel room, and she immediately picks it up, pets it, and tells it it’s pretty!  How could I not like this lady?  Apparently actress Tiffany Bolling got the role mostly because she was willing to do that while their first choice, Barbara Hale (of The Giant Spider Invasion) was not. She deserved way better than to be William Shatner’s love interest.

The unfortunate thing about this sequence is it, and a couple more in which Diane happily handles the spiders without harm, rather undercuts the idea that they’re supposed to be aggressively seeking out human prey.  There are other scenes in which we watch humans run around madly, screaming and flailing, while the spiders merely sit there not doing very much.  Worst of all are two separate sequences in which a fatal accident seems to result not from spiders attacking people, but from people freaking out because a spider was in a vehicle!  It makes the whole movie feel like an over-reaction.

I do realize this may be my personal reaction, rather than the average one… somebody who’s actually scared of spiders might find this completely horrifying.  But… you know spiders move at like one mile an hour, right?  The Creeping Terror could catch them.  Just go get in your car, and drive away.  It would have worked for the sheriff if the crowd hadn’t slowed him down!

Moving along – the characters of the Colbys, a farming couple who’ve poured everything they have into their herd of cattle only to see their livelihood destroyed, are people we can pity but we know better than to get attached to them.  The opening scene is Mr. Colby bragging about how his calf is a shoe-in for first prize, and you know right away that he’s destined to lose everything.  The series of tragedies that ensue for the couple are all similarly telegraphed.

At the end we see a terrible matte painting depicting the entire town draped in spiderwebs.  This looks so bad it’s actually difficult to figure out what we’re seeing, and I’m not at all sure what it’s meant to tell us.  Diane had talked about the spiders ‘migrating’, implying that they’re just passing through.  So are we meant to think that now they’ve killed everyone else, the spiders have moved on and our so-called heroes can escape?  Because there are no actual spiders in the image, just their webs.  On the other hand, Diane also talked about spiders storing their food by wrapping it in webs.  So are they gonna come back to eat everybody later?  But it’s just a spiderweb… the humans can rip it apart and go.  Did the characters win, or lose?  Are they going to live or die?  The movie just runs out of ideas and ends.

This is a bit of a shame, because the core idea here is kind of neat.  The spiders have become monsters not because chemicals or radiation has mutated them, but because evolution did.  Diane explains that over-use of pesticides has done two things: one is to create DDT-resistant spiders in the same way as misuse of antibiotics creates drug-resistant bacteria.  The ones that can tough it out survive and produce similarly tough offspring.  Second, the pesticides have killed off the spiders’ usual prey, forcing them to turn to alternative sources of food.  Spiders with more potent venom are better able to kill large prey – as are those that work together.

I actually like this better than the idea of monsters made by pollution.  The toxic monster genre can’t really be about nature striking back because the creatures in it are truly un-natural.  When it is evolution that makes monsters, that is nature demonstrating that it is more powerful than we are.  It’s also more realistic, I guess, though only in a movie-science-y kind of way.  It’s not very plausible that the spiders could evolve so fast – the major changes in their behaviour would probably take many, many thousands of generations – but at least we know that evolution is a thing that happens, whereas exposure to radiation or toxic chemicals just kills stuff.  Too bad the concept seems to make for terrible movies.

Unfortunately, if the movie’s point is supposed to be that nature is tougher than us, the vague ending kind of undercuts it.  As I mentioned, we don’t really know if the protagonists are going to live to see another day.  Diane says that if insects turned on humanity we wouldn’t last long, but at the end the main characters are still alive.  There are movies in which an open ending is perfectly appropriate, but in this one it just feels incomplete.  If I were writing this, I would have the humans escape to another town or city, onto to find that the spiders have gotten there first.  That would be a little cliché, but it would make the point that while minor victories are possible, in the end the battle of man versus nature can only have one winner.

Kingdom of the Spiders is fairly well-known as a ‘bad movie’, and I expected I would either love it or hate it, but in the end I did neither.  I dislike Shatner’s characters rather strongly, but I’ve seen worse, and he’s not as stilted here as he is in some of his work.  The rest of them are okay.  The music sucks but it’s pretty forgettable, as opposed to things like The Sad Mushroom Ukelele Anthem that crawl inside your ear and nest there like a botfly larva (if you don’t know what that is, do not google it, I refuse to take responsibility for what you’ll learn).  I think a big part of the problem for both this and other spider movies like Tarantulas: the Deadly Cargo and Arachnophobia is just that live spiders don’t make good actors.  You can’t direct them.  It’s really hard to take something seriously as a threat when it’s just kinda wandering around.

Speaking of Arachnophobia, apparently producer Igo Kantor believed it was a deliberate ripoff of Kingdom of the Spiders.  He didn’t do anything about it because, and I quote, “you don’t go and sue Spielberg.” That’s a good enough excuse, I suppose, but I bet he and the makers of Parts: the Clonus Horror would have a lot to commiserate about.

#mst3k #reviews #episodes that never were #kingdom of the spiders #tw: spiders #70s #non hamlet reviews that mention hamlet

[allyredlover]

My thoughts about folklore

Cardigan MV: MAGICAL, the water scene? So cool, I love the piano being the lifeline

The 1: piano? I love her,, TAYLOR SAYING SHIT,, chill vibes, lover but like this love kind of, “roaring 20s tossing pennies in the pool” , “if my wishes were true it would’ve been you,,” I love the background vocals, the lyricism are incredible. “The greatest loves of all time are over now” “in my defense I HAVE NONE” background vocals again! Bridge! Persist and resist?

Cardigan: percussion in the back? second part of first verse talking about rep? Levi’s and the iiiiii part? Hand under my sweatshirt?? miss TAYLOR! the BRIDGE, “stars around my scars but now I’m bleeding” the parts about knowing what would happen, the sweetness of nostalgia

The Last Great American Dynasty: tension——the DRUM beat, upbeat? This is a story? Feeling like starlight, who is this about? Is this that mad woman from the later bit? Pool in champagne, like TIWWCHNT! It’s picking up! I kind of really like the chorus, like really really like it. MARVELOUS is my new favorite word I think

Exile: piano! And this is a feature, so chill, like I want to float in a pool with this playing like the feeling of contentment this is giving me.”I think I’ve seen this film before, and I didn’t like the ending” the bridge, is so cool and it’s very pretty, Taylor’s voice is so so so pretty in this, very like the chorus after the bridge in Treacherous. “We always walked a very thin line” HAUNTED REFERENCE

My tears ricochet: the background! And it stops! It’s traveling earbud to earbud! Why do I feel like I’m going to cry? “Even on my worst day, did I deserve all the hell you gave me...I loved you...til my dying day” Cold as You who? “Same jewels I have you as you buried me” the word and imagery of this ALBUM “CURSING MY NAME WISHING I STAYED” YES YOU CAN GO WHERE YOU WANT “BUT JUST NOT HOME” OH MY GOD I-“BUT NOW IM SCREAMING AT THE SKY” “YOULL HEAR MY STOLEN LULLABIES” I love this “BATTLESHIPS” AND IT PICKS UP “you had to kill me but it KILLED YOU JUST THE SAME” good god this song is so good like

Mirrorball: please man I need a pick me up,, 70S VIBES FROM THE VOCALS, what is a mirror ball? Ah, thank you Taylor. “Hush, when no one is around my dear” is so pretty “on my tallest tiptoes, spinning my highest heels, love, shining just for you” so pretty the vocals on that part. “I CAN CHANGE EVERYTHING ABOUT ME JUST TO FIT IN” yes taylor you ARE A DISCO BALL GET INTO IT 💃🏼 SHINING JUST FOR YOU is so happy it makes me so happy, this is such like a happy song but like at the same time so freaking sad, so bittersweet

Seven: Aw this is so sweet, ah the snaps in the back is so cute! This is about her childhood! How cute!! “SWEET TEA IN THE SUMMER CROSS YOUR HEART CANT TELL NO OTHER” SLAPS this the second VERSE oh my god I’m gonna cry from that “why your dads always mad...you won’t have to cry” “I love you to the moon and Saturn” 🥺

August: chill and beachy vibes from the lyrics,!! THE CHORUS! AH! LOVE IT! “Cuz it was never mine” “CUZ YOU WERE NEVER MINE” “for me it was ENOUGH TO LIVE FOR THE HOPE OF IT ALL” “CUZ YOU WERE MINE TO LOSE” is so beautiful!! Yes taylor bring back the OUTRO yesss outros make me so damn happy “meet me behind the mall” “cancelling my plans just in case you called” STRINGS IN THE BACK I REPEAT STRINGS IN THE BACK IM SO HAPPY I LOVE ORCHESTRAL THINGS

This is Me Trying: ooooooh I like it so far the beat and instrumentation “but I’m here in your doorway” THAT WAS FROM BEFORE IN THE ALBUM (I’m too tired to remember which song but IT WAS THERE IM NOT SLEEP DEPRIVED) “at least youre trying” sounds HEAVENLY DIVINE IMMACULATE MARVELOUS the movie references! That was a thing! THAT WAS A THING! “At least I’m trying✨”

Illicit Affairs: guitar! Guitar! Taylor! With a guitar! “Ends with meetings in parking lots” “born with just a single glance but it dies and it dies and it dies a million little times” leaving no trace behind? Oooh is she the other woman or something man this is sad

“LOOK AT THIS GODFORSAKEN MESS YOU MADE ME” “LOOK AT THIS IDIOTIC FOOL YOU MADE ME” “and you know damn well for you I would ruin myself” the pain, the anguish, death by a thousand cuts

Invisible String: interesting backing, we’re doing some fun rainbows,, I love how “clues” sounds I want that repeated until my death, ahahahaha Taylor yes reference yourself, SHE SAID I LOOKED LIKE AN AMERICAN SINGER; dive bar? Delicate who? Too many references that this isn’t about her and joe, DEEP BLUE BUT YOU PAINTED ME GOLDEN!

Mad Woman: please tell me this is about the last great American dynasty? Or is it an allusion to the Kanye and the scooter stuff? TAYLOR SAYS FUCK! AH! “And you find something to wrap your noose around” and also the piano? can you tell yet that I like piano? “AND WOMEN LIKE HUNTING WITCHES TOO” omg THIS IS about KANYE AND KIM, IDSB, THIS IS ABOUT KANYE AND KIM. “COUPLE SIDE THINGS” THROW THAT SHADE THROW IT THROW IT THROW IT! MAATHBP but like make it about 2016s snakegate

Epiphany: track 13! SO CHILL, SO CHILL, LOVE THIS, LOVEEEEEE LOVE LOVE LOVE, LOVE LOVE LOVE. The vibes are IMMACULATE, the LYRICS, love it love it LOVE IT. WHAT oh my GOSH this is high key so SAD “DOC I THINK SHES CRASHING” DONT DIE NO ‘only 20 minutes to sleep?’ WHAT DOES IT MEAN? “Watch you bleeding OUT” NO, the background vocals I love this though, good god, HEARTBEAT BACKGROUND MY GOD NO THEYRE GONNA DIE ARENT THEY? It’s fading? Are they dying? Am I reading this wrong? Idc I love it

Betty: this is written with that William guy who doesn’t exist. HARMONICA, folkkkkkkk. “The worst thing that I ever did was what I did to you” HOLY SHOOT, mentioning summer! is this the guy that CHEATED? OH NO THE POOR OTHER GIRL AND POOR BETTY THIS IS SO SAD also the guiTAR! KEY CHANGE KEY CHANGE KEY CHANGE! oh my god the CARDIGAN,

Peace: ooh I’m anxious. THE GUITAR RIFF? Love IT, “If your cascade, ocean wave blues come//All these people think love's for show//But I would die for you in secret” “sit with you in the trenches” GIVE YOU A CHILD? SEE YOUR BROTHER AS MY BROTHER, THIS IS ABOUT TAYLOR AND JOE :))))) “you have a friend in me” vs “it’s nice to have a friend”. She could never give him peace because she’s a celebrity obviously, which is what I think this about

Hoax: last song on standard,, PIANO? LYRICS? I’m literally not even going to list them they’re all beautiful, but the vocals on “Stood on the cliffside screaming, ‘Give me a reason’ Your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in” slight of hand? Card sharks playing games? please this is so sad, she sounds so SAD in the BRIDGE god, “but what you did was just as dark”

The Lakes: how do I listen to it? Lmao can’t find it and I’m tired

Wow Taylor outdid herself with the lyrics on this album, absolutely incredible, and the vibe is so chill but like sad and it’s like if Safe and Sound and Lover (the album) had a baby, but like with the sad songs on red, like Sad Beautiful Tragic fits right in here. Anyways I love it to pieces. Good night y’all 💗

#taylornation #taylurking #taylorswift #taylor swift #swifties #folklore

[tswiftandtsn]

TSN x Lover Album Breakdown

So I see Lover as the album about Mark & Eduardo finally making up honestly, ala The Social Network 2, while also touching upon what happened in The Social Network

I Forgot That You Existed - Eduardo @ Mark after he got his fucking money

(HOW MANY DAYS DID I SPEND THINKING HOW YOU DID ME WRONG (EDUARDO) I FORGOT THAT YOU EXISTED AND I THOUGHT THAT IT WOULD KILL ME BUT IT DIDN’T (EDUARDO), IT ISN’T LOVE IT ISN’T HATE IT’S JUST INDIFFERENCE (BOTH OF THEM)  Got out some popcorn as soon as my rep started going down, down, down, laughed on the school yard, as soon as I tripped up and hit the ground, ground, ground, and I would've stuck around for ya, would've fought the whole town, so yeah, would've been right there, front row, even if nobody came to your show (THE CHICKEN INCIDENT) But you showed who you are, then one magical night (DILUTION), 

Cruel Summer - Okay but like that was a cruel summer, but this is like the anthem for when Mark & Eduardo first got back in touch like

(Devils roll the dice (Mark), Angels roll their eyes (Eduardo), WHAT DOESN’T KILL ME MAKES ME WANT YOU MORE, I'm always waiting for you just to cut to the bone (EDUARDO TO MARK),  And if I bleed, you'll be the last to know (EDUARDO TO MARK),  I'm drunk in the back of the car, and I cried like a baby coming home from the bar, said I'm fine, but it wasn't true (EDUARDO TO MARK) I don’t want to keep secrets just to keep you (MARK TO EDUARDO),  And I screamed for whatever it's worth "I love you," ain't that the worst thing you ever heard? (LITERALLY, BOTH OF THEM WOULD SAY THIS DUMB ASS SHIT), HE LOOKS SO PRETTY LIKE THE DEVIL (AGAIN BOTH OF THEM WOULD SAY THIS ABOUT THE OTHER)

Lover: LIKE WE’RE IN LOVE AND ONE DAY WE’LL GET MARRIED MARKWARDO WE HAPPY AGAIN

THE MAN: WOULD BE MARK

I WOULD BE COMPLEX, I WOULD BE COOL (MARK), I’D BE A FEARLESS LEADER, I’D BE THE ALPHA TYPE, WHEN EVERYONE BELIEVE’S YOU WHAT’S THAT LIKE (MARK), I’M SO SICK OF RUNNING AS FAST AS I CAN (MARK), AND I’M SO SICK OF THEM COMING AT ME AGAIN (MARK AND ALL HIS FUCKING LAWSUITS), THEY’D SAY I HUSTLED PUT IN THE WORK, THEY WOULDN’T SHAKE THEIR HEADS AND QUESTION HOW MUCH OF THIS I DESERVE. WHAT I WAS WEARING IF I WAS RUDE. COULD I BE SEPERATED FROM MY GOOD IDEAS AND POWER MOVES (OKAY BUT LIKE THIS WAS MARK DREAMING OF HIM ENDING UP ON TOP LIKE FUCKING WHAT HE WAS WEARING AND IF HE WAS RUDE)

THE ARCHER: SAD AND SCARED MARKWARDO more in depth version on my blog

I THINK HE KNOWS: THIS IS THIRSTY MARK 

I think he knows, His hands around a cold glass, Make me wanna know that, body like it's mine (Mark),  He got that boyish look that I like in a man, I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans, It's like I'm 17, nobody understands (MARK, EDUARDO THE SWEET LOOKING BRAZILIAN AND HE IS THE ARCHITECT OF FACEBOOK),  Wanna see what's under that attitude  (Eduardo’s attitude),  I'll make myself at home, and he'll want me to stay, I think he knows, he better lock it down, or I won't stick around (EDUARDO: MARK BETTER PROPOSE SOON OR I’LL SMASH ANOTHER LAPTOP),  Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh (Mark’s indigo eyes!)

Miss Americana and the Heartbreak Prince: MARKWARDO SAPPY SADNESS

I counted days, I counted miles to see you there, to see you there, it's been a long time coming (SINGAPORE IS FAR AND THEY SHOULDA BEEN TOGETHER A LONG TIME AGO),  It's you and me, that's my whole world They whisper in the hallway, "She's a bad, bad girl" The whole school is rolling fake dice (MARK AND EDUARDO AGAINST THE WORLD, MARK IS A BAD BAD GIRL),  My team is losing, battered and bruising, I see the high fives between the bad guys, Leave with my head hung, you are the only one Who seems to care (FUCK THE WINKLEVII),  and I don't want you to (Go), I don't really wanna (Fight) Cause nobody's gonna (Win), I think you should come home (EDUARDO MOVE TO PALO ALTO PLEASSEEEE)

Paper Rings:

The moon is high like your friends were the night that we first met (DUSTIN WAS FUCKING HIGH THE NIGHT THEY FIRST MET),  Went home and tried to stalk you on the internet (MARK ENERGY),  Like the shoulder that I gave you in the street, Cat and mouse for a month or two or three, Now I wake up in the night and watch you breathe (WHEN EDUARDO FIRST DIDN’T WANT TO MAKE UP WITH MARK),  Kiss me once 'cause you know I had a long night (Oh) Kiss me twice 'cause it's gonna be alright (Uh) Three times 'cause I've waited my whole life (JUST YES), I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings (MARK ENERGY HE LIKES SHINY ELECTRONICS AND MARRYING HIM WITH PAPER RINGS IS HIS ENERGY),  Darling, you're the one I want, and I hate accidents except when we went from friends to this (MARK AND EDUARDO YESSSS),  In the winter, in the icy outdoor pool, when you jumped in first, I went in too (PALO ALTO GOTS POOLS, ZIPLINE SCENE) I'm with you even if it makes me blue which takes me back to the color that we painted your brother's wall (MARK IS COLOR BLIND ALL HE CAN SEE IS BLUE, EDUARDO HAS A BROTHER 0.0) Honey, without all the exes, fights, and flaws we wouldn't be standing here so proud (THEY STRONGER NOW),  I want to drive away with you, I want your complications too, I want your dreary Mondays, Wrap your arms around me, baby boy (EDUARDO ENERGY IN FIX IT FIC)

CORNELIA STREET

I rent a place on Cornelia Street (MARK’S PLACE IN PALO ALTO),  We were a fresh page on the desk, filling in the blanks as we go (THEY STARTED OVER),  And I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends, I'd never walk Cornelia Street again (YEAH),  And baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name (PALO ALTO SCREAMS MARK’S NAME) And baby, I'm so terrified of if you ever walk away (MARK TO EDUARDO),  Jacket 'round my shoulders is yours  (SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECHING THE NORTH FACE JACKET),  We bless the rains on Cornelia Street (RAIN IN PALO ALTO HAS TO BE BLESSED CAUSE IT HAS PREVIOUSLY BEEN EVIL),  Back when we were card sharks, playing games I thought you were leading me on, I packed my bags, left Cornelia Street, Before you even knew I was gone (EDUARDO)  But then you called, showed your hand I turned around before I hit the tunnel  (MARK SHOWED HIS HAND AND <3),  I hope I never lose you, hope it never ends (MARK AND EDUARDO),  That's the kinda heartbreak time could never mend (MARK AND EDUARDO),  Sacred new beginnings That became my religion, listen (THEY WATCHED IT BEGIN AGAIN)

DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS: THE DILUTION SONG

Saying goodbye is death by a thousand cuts, Flashbacks waking me up I get drunk, but it's not enough ’Cause the morning comes and you're not my baby (EDUARDO),  I look through the windows of this love, even though we boarded them up (STILL CAN’T HELP BUT WATCHING ONE ANOTHER),  'Cause I can’t pretend it's okay when it's not it's death by a thousand cuts   (EDUARDO),  I dress to kill my time, I take the long way home, I ask the traffic lights if it'll be alright, They say, "I don't know" And what once was ours is no one's now I see you everywhere, the only thing we share Is this small town (EDUARDO AND MARK IN THE SAME CITY DURING THE DEPOSITIONS),  You said it was a great love, one for the ages but if the story's over, why am I still writing pages? (THE STORY AIN’T OVER YET THE SOCIAL NETWORK 2),  My heart, my hips, my body, my love, tryna find a part of me that you didn't touch gave up on me like I was a bad drug (MARK DITCHED HIM LIKE A BAD DRUG AND TOUCHED HIM EVERYWHERE),  Our songs, our films, united, we stand Our country, guess it was a lawless land Why are my fears at the touch of your hands? Paper cut stains from my paper-thin plans My time, my wine, my spirit, my trust Tryna find a part of me you didn't take up Gave you so much, but it wasn't enough But I'll be alright, it's just a thousand cuts (FACEBOOK WAS THEIR COUNTRY IT WAS A LAWLESS LAND, MARK’S HANDS, EDUARDO’S TRUST, HE TOOK SO MUCH AND EDUARDO GAVE SO MUCH AND IT WASN’T ENOUGH, THERE WERE SO MANY CUTS)

LONDON BOY:

But something happened, I heard him laughing I saw the dimples first  (MARK’S FUCKING DIMPLES),  And then I heard the accent, they say home is where the heart is, but that's not where mine lives (MARK HEART EDUARDO’S ACCENT AND HE’S IN SINGAPORE NOW :’( )  He likes my American smile, like a child when our eyes meet (EDUARDO LIKES MARK’S AMERICAN SMILE LIKE A CHILD WHEN THEIR EYES MEET), 

SOON YOU’LL GET BETTER:

I know delusion when I see it in the mirror (EDUARDO),  I just pretend it isn't real I'll paint the kitchen neon, I'll brighten up the sky (EDUARDO),  Soon, you'll get better, You'll get better soon, cause you have to (EDUARDO TO HIMSELF),  But who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do. If there's no you? (EDUARDO THINKING OF MARK),  This won't go back to normal, if it ever was It's been years of hoping, and I keep saying it because, cause I have to (EDUARDO YEARS AFTER THE DILUTION) 

FALSE GOD:

We were crazy to think, crazy to think that this could work remember how I said I'd die for you? (EDUARDO)  We were stupid to jump in the ocean separating us Remember how I’d lie to you? (MARK),  And I can't talk to you when you're like this, staring out the window like I’m not your favorite town I'm New York City, I'd still do it for you, babe (EDUARDO),  They all warned us about times like this They say the road gets hard and you get lost (YEAH BIG MARKWARDO VIBES),  When you're led by blind faith, blind faith (EARLY FACEBOOK DAYS),  But we might just get away with it, religion's in your lips, even if it's a false god We'd still worship, we might just get away with it, the altar is my hips even if it's a false god, we’d still worship this love (EDUARDO AND YEAH),  Hell is when I fight with you, but we can patch it up good, make confessions and we're begging for forgiveness (VERY THEM),  Daring you to leave me just so I can try and scare you (MARK)

YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN:

MARK AND EDUARDO’S FUCKING DRAMATICS SEE MY WHOLE BREAK DOWN OF IT ON MY BLOG

AFTERGLOW:

THE MARK APOLOGY

I blew things out of proportion, now you're blue, put you in jail for something you didn’t do, I pinned your hands behind your back, oh, thought I had reason to attack, but no (MARK DILUTING EDUARDO),  Fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves, chemistry 'til it blows up, 'til there’s no us Why'd I have to break what I love so much? It's on your face, and I'm to blame, I need to say (I MEAN EDUARDO’S FACE DURING THE DEPOSITIONS UGHHHH THIS MARK),  Hey, it's all me, in my head, I'm the one who burned us down, But it's not what I meant, Sorry that I hurt you I don't wanna do, I don’t wanna do this to you (Ooh) I don’t wanna lose, I don't wanna lose this with you (Ooh) I need to say, hey, it’s all me, just don't go Meet me in the afterglow (MARKS APOLOGY),  It's so excruciating to see you low just wanna lift you up and not let you go  (MARK TO EDUARDO),  I lived like an island, punished you in silence (MARK) Went off like sirens, just crying (EDUARDO),  Tell me that you're still mine, tell me that we'll be just fine, even when I lose my mind (LAPTOP SMASH MUCH)  I need to say Tell me that it's not my fault, Tell me that I'm all you want (EDUARDO TO MARK)  Even when I break your heart, I need to say, Hey It’s all me (Mark)

ME!:

They’re happy in their individuality now there’s a more in-depth look on my blog

It’s Nice to Have a Friend:

Lost my gloves, you give me one (Mark) "Wanna hang out?"(Eduardo) Yes, sounds like fun (Mark) Video games, you pass me a note  (What Kirkland fic doesn’t have them playing video games?) It's nice to have a friend (Best Friends),  You've been stressed out lately, yeah, me too, something gave you the nerve to touch my hand (Classic Markwardo fic move),  Call my bluff, call you "Babe" Have my back, yeah, every day, Feels like home, stay in bed the whole weekend (Mark)

Daylight:

My love was as cruel as the cities I lived in, everyone looked worse in the light There are so many lines that I've crossed unforgiven, I'll tell you the truth, but never goodbye (MARK ENERGY),  I don't wanna look at anything else now that I saw you, I don't wanna think of anything else now that I thought of you I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night and now I see daylight (EDUARDO),  Luck of the draw only draws the unlucky and so I became the butt of the joke (EDUARDO ABOUT THE DILUTION),  I wounded the good and I trusted the wicked, clearing the air, I breathed in the smoke (Mark wounded Eduardo and trusted Sean, trying to make Facebook stronger he ended up hurting Eduardo),  Maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down (Mark ran with the wolves (sean) and refused to settle down always working still),  Maybe I've stormed out of every single room in this town (Eduardo storming out of Facebook),  Threw out our cloaks and our daggers because it's morning now it's brighter now, now (They’ve resolved their issues now),  And I can still see it all (In my mind) (Their past is their past and it’s still there but they’re stronger),  All of you, all of me (Intertwined) I once believed love would be (Black and white) But it's golden (Golden) (Eduardo thought love should be simple and easy and no fighting) And I can still see it all (In my head), back and forth from New York (Eduardo having to fly back and forth, and them being apart) I once believed love would be (Burning red) But it's golden (Mark believed love was nothing but passion but he discovered it was more complex) You gotta step into the daylight and let it go, just let it go, let it go (They had to let go of their issues and focus on the fact they were meant for one another)

#the social network #tsn #tsntswift #markwardo

[wbwest]

New Post has been published on WilliamBruceWest.com

New Post has been published on http://www.williambrucewest.com/2017/08/04/west-week-ever-pop-culture-review-8417/

West Week Ever: Pop Culture In Review - 8/4/17

In movie news, Sharknado 5: Global Swarming premieres this Sunday, and The Hollywood Reporter had a great article about the history of the franchise. For one thing, Donald Trump was originally approached to play the President in Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!, but his people were stalling because he was mulling a run for the actual presidency. When the producers moved on to cast Mark Cuban, Trump got pissed and his people threatened to sue (on what grounds, nobody knows). Also, the production was renamed to Dark Skies because the name Sharknado was turning off potential actors. To the cast’s chagrin, however, it was changed back to Sharknado at release.

The main takeaway from the article is the pay situation. In the beginning, star Ian Ziering was offered $100,000 to do the first film. He reportedly only took it because his wife was pregnant and he needed to keep up his SAG membership for the health insurance. Over time, however, his pay ballooned and he currently makes about $500,000 a film – which, as folks point out, is more than the $300,000 Gal Gadot reportedly made to star in Wonder Woman. This really shouldn’t come as a surprise, though. For one thing, superhero films kinda pay on the low-ish side because there are so many moving parts. The pay tends to start low and then grows over time. By the third or fourth movie, the stars are, then, basically too expensive to keep, so it becomes renegotiation or reboot time. Plus, as I said on Twitter, washed up TV star in a “water cooler” franchise outranks unproven movie star in unstable cinematic universe. Yes, Wonder Woman was a great film, but to say that Gadot deserved more money is simply Monday morning quarterbacking. Nobody was worried about her pay before the film came out because, frankly, nobody gave a shit about her. She’ll eventually make her money, while Ziering will be begging for a Sharknado revival, as the series is clearly on its last legs based on the ratings. Sharknado is a funny thing because the social media impressions actually outnumber its ratings. So, folks feel the need to talk about Sharknado even if they’re not watching Sharknado.

The real crime about pay, though, is that Tara Reid only makes about $125,000 to Ziering’s $500,000 (his salary is about 1/6th the budget of Sharknado 5). When she spoke up about it, they created a poll to the public following Sharknado 3, asking whether or not her character should die. Lucky for her, the fans wanted her back (Production company Asylum claims the poll and her request were unrelated, but we aren’t stupid here).

Anyway, I’m sure I’ll watch even though the last installment was a chore to get through. The franchise really peaked at Sharknado 2: The Second One, but they generate buzz, so they keep coming. I’m still pissed about the last movie, where Ziering’s character, Finn, has a Black daughter-in-law who gets killed by a shark. Not only does the family not react, but she’s never mentioned again. It’s clearly the result of some terrible editing, but I can’t tell if they edited out reactions to her death OR if they edited in the character after the movie was basically done. I figure we’ll get to 6 and then they’ll have to think of something else. It’s too bad the Lavalantula franchise hasn’t enjoyed the same buzz, as I enjoy those pseudo Police Academy reunions.

In TV news, a LOT of folks are upset about that Confederate show that I mentioned last week, even calling for a boycott of HBO. Some folks have reminded the boycotters that their actions would hurt other Black shows on the network, like Insecure and Ballers. Instead, they encouraged that folks make their voices heard directly to HBO, using the hashtag #NoConfederate during its most watched hour last week, Game of Thrones. Well, in seeming retaliation for the show, producer Will Packer and The Boondocks creator Aaron McGruder are creating Black America for Amazon. Whereas Confederate would follow a United States on the brink of its 3rd Civil War, Black America would follow an alternate reality where freed Blacks were given Alabama, Louisiana, and Mississippi as reparations, and the sovereign nation of New Colonia is formed. Meanwhile, its neighbor to the north, The United States, is in a bad state of affairs.  New Colonia is about to become a world power, while the US is slipping. Due to their proximity, their fates are tied together, but clearly the Black folks are doing better than everyone else.

Is it wrong that I have no interest in either show? I mean, I have no desire to see slavery still going in Confederate, but the whole premise of Black America just sounds like it’s doing too much, and feels more reactionary than anything. I mean, why didn’t we hear about this project before Confederate was announced? And the problem is that both projects are so far in their infancy that they won’t be happening any time soon, if they happen at all. I know the announcement appeased a lot of the anti-Confederate crowd, but neither sounds like a “good” show from what we’ve heard, and I almost feel like they take us away from having the race dialogue that a lot of folks feel we so sorely need as a country. What are y’all’s thoughts on these shows?

In other TV news, it was announced that ABC’s The Middle would be ending after its upcoming 9th season. This elicited to a lot of responses of “That show’s still on?”, and I immediately understood why Trump won. As the title suggests, the show focused on a middle class family, in the middle of the country, as they struggle to make it through. Over the past 8 years, they have been emblematic of the types of voters who feel their voices aren’t being heard as their situations get tighter. That’s the show’s audience, even though they’re not the glamorous demographic that Madison Avenue covets. I actually really enjoy the exploits of the Heck family, but I understand that the show’s not “hip” or “cool”, so it flew under a lot of folks’ radar. The upcoming Roseanne revival has been described as focusing on the Conners as they try to make their way in Trump’s America, but I’d argue that The Middle did it first, and will probably be looked upon as the most accurate depiction when the dust settles.

Across the dial, it was finally confirmed that Erinn Hayes’s character on CBS’s Kevin Can Wait will, in fact, be killed off. The show will pick up after some time has passed, paving the way for Kevin James to reunite with his The King of Queens costar Leah Remini. I understand shows sometimes need a retool, but all evidence was pointing to the show as a moderate success. The only sticking point was Remini guested in the season finale, and suddenly everyone wanted that chemistry back. To me, I’m good. I still have 8 seasons of The King of Queens to look back on (I don’t count that last season because it felt like they hated each other by that point, surprising me that they’d reunite. To me, this is almost like Martin Lawrence and Tisha Campbell doing a new show together). Hayes will bounce back, as she’s already been cast in Amazon’s The Dangerous Book for Boys, but I still don’t feel like the show did her right.

In comics news, it was revealed that the Milestone comic line’s reboot has been stalled because the creators behind it were trying to cut out the estate of co-creator Dwayne McDuffie. If you’re not familiar, the Milestone line was comprised of a bunch of minority-focused superhero books from the early 90s. There was Hardware (Black Iron Man), Rocket (Black Captain Marvel?), Blood Syndicate (Black…I dunno. I didn’t read that one). Oh, and Static (Black Lightning Jr, basically). The original creators were Dwayne McDuffie, Denys Cowan, Derek T. Dingle, and Michael Davis (if we ever meet, ask me my Michael Davis stories. Dude is crazy, but I ain’t putting that stuff in writing for him to find it).

A few years back, they announced a revival of the Milestone brand, but Davis had been cut out and replaced by former BET head Reginald Hudlin. They kept saying an announcement was forthcoming, while Davis took to the internet saying it’ll never happen. He was hurt he’d been left out of something he’d had a hand in creating, but he also knew there were roadblocks that the group wouldn’t be able to get over.

Well, this week, McDuffie’s widow sued the group because his estate had been left out of recent negotiations, as Cowan, Dingle, and Hudlin were going to create a new entity to cut out McDuffie’s stake. There’s a lot of potential in the franchise, with recent cries for representation in fantasy media, but I’d like to go on record and say that those books just weren’t very good. They were just Black characters the same quality of the Image output of the time. I used to read Hardware and that book, ugh…Maybe they’ve got some fresh new takes on the characters, but I don’t think they’re even interested in comics at this point. They just want to control the intellectual property. Anyway, for all McDuffie did in the comic industry, it seems like he was constantly screwed over, even in death. I hope his estate is at least getting some money for the use of Damage Control (which he created) in Spider-Man: Homecoming, but I know it was work-for-hire blah blah blah. Anyway, here’s hoping Mrs. McDuffie gets what she’s owed.

Things You Might Have Missed This Week

Divergent franchise sequel, Ascendant, is now being developed as an ongoing TV series for Starz

The Black-ish spinoff, college-ish will now known as grown-ish

Vin Diesel is reportedly working on a Miami Vice reboot on NBC for the 2018-2019 season. I really hope they set it in the 80s. Otherwise, it’s just gonna be nothing but Pitbull and Flo Rida cameos…

The Will & Grace revival has already been renewed, despite the fact it hasn’t aired yet. It was also revealed that it will ignore the series finale, just like Roseanne…

Late 90s MTV staple, Total Request Live (TRL) will return in October, with FIVE hosts. I guess they’re trying to bring back that VJ position again.

Speaking of MTV, hot on the heels of removing gendered categories, MTV has changed the coveted Video Music Award from the Moon Man to the Moon Person. It will be able to use any space bathroom that it chooses.

Soap actor Hartley Sawyer will recur as The Elongated Man this season on The Flash

Speaking of the Arrowverse, the next 4-show crossover will take place over two nights this season, November 27th and 28th

Apparently hot ass Scientologist Catherine Bell from JAG has been on a show on Hallmark Channel called Good Witch for the past three years. Who knew? Anyway, it’s been renewed for a fourth season

Aussie actress Teagan Croft cast as Raven in the Titans series

Amazon is adding Carsey-Werner shows such as Roseanne, 3rd Rock from the Sun, A Different World, Cybill, Grace Under Fire, and Grounded for Life to its streaming library

Pacific Rim: Uprising‘s release has been moved from Feb 23 to March 23

Hasbro has called off talks to buy Lionsgate. In other news, apparently Hasbro was trying to buy Lionsgate.

Agent Carter‘s Hayley Atwell will reportedly join Ewan McGregor in Disney’s Christopher Robin 

Formerly a staple of Baltimore Comic Con, the Harvey Awards will move to New York Comic Con in 2018

They’ll be calling it Hawaii Five-WHOA, as Joey Lawrence is slated to guest star on the CBS series this season

Because he’s never turned down a job, Nick Cannon will host Lip Sync Battle Shorties, a kid-centered spinoff of Lip Sync Battle to air on Nickelodeon

During the 2017 Teen Choice Awards, Fox will experiment with 6-second commercials. This is how that subliminal programming shit starts!

Remembering where he came from, Kenan Thompson (who’s also now the longest-standing SNL cast member) is reportedly developing a live action sketch show for kids.

Transformers spinoff, Bumblebee, will open against Aquaman on December 21st, 2018

Blumhouse Television is bringing horror reality show Scare Tactics back to TV

Due to how he perceives Starz doesn’t appreciate his show, 50 Cent has threatened to snatch Power off the network.

Pokemon: I Choose You will get a two-night theatrical run in November. I’m not telling you the dates because the movie is a retelling of Ash & Pikachu’s meeting, yet it removes Brock and Misty from the story. Fuck this movie!

So, there was some crazy stuff in the comic industry this week, as a picture of of some women Marvel editors brought out the crazies. It all started with this pic:

Marvel editor Heather Antos and some other female editors got together for milkshakes, and based on the hashtag, it was to honor recently deceased former Marvel secretary “Fabulous Flo” Steinberg. A seemingly innocent thing, right? Well, here was the reaction on social media:

Wow, right? From dudes making inappropriate sexual remarks to folks blaming this on Social Justice Warriors, a certain corner of the internet lost its mind over some damn milkshakes.

But then came the backlash to the backlash. Fans and creators started posting pics in solidarity with the ladies.

The support even came from the “Distinguished Competition”, as they tweeted the following pic:

What started out as a snake bed for trolls turned into a show of solidarity that not only shed light on what women editors face on a daily basis, but also seemed to strengthen some relationships “across the aisle”. I mean, this is the best Marvel/DC crossover since Amalgam! As I said on Twitter, when history classes look back on this period in time, they will see that it was not blockbuster events but milkshakes that saved the comic industry. That’s why female comic editors had the West Week Ever.

  By the way, I’m apparently 16 years old because I just signed up for Sarahah. So, swing by and leave me some anonymous comments. Oh, and please don’t make me cry!

#80s #Comics #DC #Image #Marvel #Movies #Music #Pop #Race #Social Media #Television #West Week Ever

[randomrichards]

MOVIES (THAT MIGHT BE) WORTH CHECKING OUT IN MAY 2019:

MAY 3

LONG SHOT

One classy party reunites reporter Fred Flarsky (Seth Rogen) with his former babysitter and current Secretary of State Charlotte Field (Charlize Theron). Now she plans to run for President and hires Fred as her speechwriter. As they work together through her campaign, they begin to fall for each other.

It’s rarely certain whether a comedy will be good, especially adult comedies like this one. Raunchy comedies face a tightrope walk of delivering consistently funny humor while telling an engaging story. Plus, there’s no one way to be funny and there are many ways to be not funny. Romantic Comedies are a challenge because they live and die on the chemistry between the leads. Seth Rogen has already demonstrated strong romantic chemistry with Knocked Up and Charlize Theron is an excellent actress, but we must wait and see if they have any chemistry together.

Director Jonathan Levine certainly has proved himself with memorable comedies like 50/50 and Warm Bodies. But he’s also made lackluster comedies like The Night Before and Snatched. The only surefire way to know is to watch it.

MAY 10:

ALL IS TRUE

In case it isn’t clear, Kenneth Branagh loves the shit out of Shakespeare. Since garnering worldwide attention and acclaim with his star making directorial debut with Henry V, he’s adapted one William Shakespeare play after another every four years. It was only a matter of time before he played the Bard himself. Cue All is True, a film about the last moments of his life.

Shakespeare (Branagh) has finally come home to his wife Anne Hathaway (Judi Dench) and he comes home a legend. But his years apart has created distance between himself and his family. We’re given no information the above information.

Kenneth Branagh films are a hit and miss, even the Shakespeare ones. On one hand, you get compelling adaptations of Henry V and Hamlet. On the other hand, you get disasters like Love’s Labours Lost. In this film, he seems to portray Shakespeare as abrasive yet witty. But there’s more hope coming from writer Ben Elton, whose credit include classic British Comedies like Blackadder, The Young Ones and Mr. Bean. Still, comedy if a fickle genre and there’s no guarantee it will be good.

POKEMON: DETECTIVE PIKACHU

This movie has a lot going against it. First, it’s based on a video game, which is the notorious kiss of death for a movie. And considering the cartoony designs of the Pokémon, you can probably count this as a live action version of a cartoon (which is usually associated with lazy filmmaking). Plus, it’s based on a spin off of a popular game. And yet, the trailers had made Detective Pikachu not only has moviegoers intrigued but has made it one of the most anticipated films of the year. Of course, it could also be due to the Pokémon franchise being one of the most beloved franchises getting its second wind thanks to the Pokémon Go, but the trailers still deserve credit for making the movie look attractive.

Surprisingly, the film doesn’t focus on Ash Ketchum, Red, or any Pokémon trainer. Instead, our protagonist is Tim Goodman (Justice Smith), an ex-Pokémon trainer in a rut when he returns home after the death of his father. Then his life’s turned upside down when he finds a coffee-addicted Pikachu wearing a detective’s hat in his father’s office. This Pikachu woke up with no memories, a Sherlock Holmes hat and the voice of Ryan Reynolds. Detective Pikachu believes Tim’s father is still alive and is being held hostage. So, Tim and Detective Pikachu begin an investigation to find Tim’s father and discover his connection to the Pokémon.

When the trailers were released, audiences’ minds were blown by the incredible special effects. Pikachu and another Pokémon fit so naturally within the real world thanks to the detailed CGI. Albeit, there are a few that look a bit creepy (Mr. Mime and Jugglypuff), but Pikachu and Charizard look amazing. Plus, the story shows a lot of potential, with the dynamic of the disillusioned Tim and the enthusiastic Pikachu demonstrating strong chemistry.

With Rob Letterman directing, there’s uncertainty about the quality. Earlier, he’s made mediocre, forgettable movies like Gulliver’s Travels and the godawful Shark Tale. But then he made Goosebumps, a much better movie than it had any right to be. The later could be a sign of improvement, so I’m going into this with high hopes.

POMS

This seems like the perfect film for Mother’s Day.

Welcome to Sun Sprays, a retirement home with hundreds of clubs. Despite the sunny environment, Martha (Diane Keaton)’s come here just to die. Then she gets reeled into starting a senior citizen Cheerleading Squad by horny neighbor Sheryl (Jackie Weaver). With a small team (including Pam Grier and Rhea Perlman) and training from a young cheerleading choreographer (Alisha Boe), Martha enters a Cheerleading competition.

This film is one of those films you take your mother too, so it’s perfect for this month. It seems like a harmless good time staring beloved actresses who’ve been in the business for a long time. Though I will admit, you’re probably not going to remember it by the end of the year.

TOLKIEN

I think JRR Tolkien needs no introduction. By now, his tales of Middle-Earth are ingrained into modern Pop Culture, especially after the Peter Jackson movies. You don’t even need to have read the Hobbit or seen the Lord of the Rings trilogy to know what Hobbits are. And now we learn about the man who brought this world to life in the biopic Tolkien.

Nicholas Hoult (Mad Max: Fury Road, Warm Bodies) plays the author during his time as an Oxford student and a WW1 soldier. Judging by the trailer, the film seems to be going the route of the Theory of Everything and centre the film around his relationship with Edith Mary Bratt (Lily Collins). The film also looks to showcase his friendship with fellow artists Rob Gilson (Patrick Gibson), Geoffrey Blache Smith (Anthony Boyle) and Christopher Wiseman (Tom Glynn-Carney), who would from their own secret society called the Tea Club and Burrovian Society (TCBS). And of course, it will show us Tolkien’s experience during World War 1.

There is a strong chance this film will just be a typical, forgettable biopic with the usual clichés of the naïve youth dreaming of changing the world and the girlfriend serving as a source of support. What I’m hoping to get out of it is seeing where Tolkien drew inspiration for the immortal Middle Earth books. It helps that the film sticks to his youth while other lesser films rush too quickly into his whole life like Bohemian Rhapsody did.

MAY 17:

JOHN WICK 3: PARABELLUM

The second John Wick left us on one hell of a cliffhanger when Master ex-assassin/dog lover John Wick (Keanu Reeves) broke the code by killing client Santino D’Antonio (Riccardo Scamarcio) in the Assassin’s hotel when he betrayed Wick. The closing sequence of Wick racing against time to get out of town while assassins wait for the time to run out made you very excited for the third movie. And judging by the trailer, John Wick 3: Parabellum won’t disappoint.

The film picks up right wear the second film leaves off with Wick rushing to find a way out of New York. The High Table has placed a fourteen million bounty on his head and every assassin is looking to collect (and take down the legendary “boogeyman”). With nowhere to run and outnumbered, Wick uses every means at his disposal to take down every assassin within proximity. Considering the fact Wick once took down a whole group of assassins with a pen, it’s the assassins who should be worried.

Despite a simple plot about an ex-assassin going after a gangster’s son for killing his dog, John Wick blew everyone way with masterful direction from former stuntman Chad Stahelski and David Leitch that elevated the action genre in many ways. First, is the fully realized world of the assassins, where they live by strict codes of honor, are paid by gold coins and have their own cleaning crew and hotel. Plus, there’s the amazing cinematography from Jonathan Sela (the first one) and Dan Laustsen (the sequels), who showcase the elegance of Wick’s world and enhances action scenes with beautiful neon lighting. And then there’s the fight scenes; those glorious fight scenes. While most modern action scenes shoot too close and cut way too quickly, the actions scenes in these films are shot and edited with a smooth rhythm to showcase the actor’s stunt work. No actor shines more than Keanu Reeves, who went through months of weapons training and martial arts training doing what he does best; kicking ass. Sure, he’s a wooden actor, but he comes to life during action scenes, where he showcases his energy and grace.

We have quite an all-star cast. We see the return of old favorites including Continental Hotel owner Winston (Ian McShane), his concierge Charon (Lance Reddick) and The Bowery King (Laurence Fishburne). They are also joined by Anjelica Huston as a mysterious leader known as the director, Jerome Flynn as fellow assassin Berrada and Halle Berry as Wick’s estranged partner Sofia.

THE SOUVENIR

Could this be an overlooked gem of the month?

The film centres on the rocky relationship between young film student Julie (Honor Swinton Byrne), an unpredictable intellectual named Anthony and Julie’s mother (Tilda Swinton). On the surface, the premise doesn’t seem like much. But what may make this film stand out is the deliver; portraying the complicated ups and downs of relationship. It could either be compelling or pretensions.

THE SUN IS ALSO A STAR

Natasha Kingsley (Yara Shahidi) is a highly academic student is a firm believer of logic. Daniel Bae (Charles Melton) is a “good student” who is a closeted romantic poet. One day in New York, their lives cross paths when Daniel saves Natasha from being hit by a car. Soon, they find themselves debating over their beliefs. Natasha doesn’t believe in love and thinks Daniel should give up his unlikely dream of being a poet. Daniel makes a bet he can make her fall in love. But they both have problems right now. Nathasha’s trying to keep her family from being deported and Daniel’s must choose between pleasing his parents and going his own path.

The film’s based on a novel by Nicola Koon. That book took me by surprise with a compelling story with a strong dynamic between two different people, with excerpts discussing unusual probabilities between chapters. The excerpts add to our protagonist’s debates about fate vs. logic, but I wonder how writer Tracy Oliver (Girls Night) will apply these elements into the movie. Novels can intercut a story with random segments, but movies rely on a more consistent flow.

As with many romances, this depend on the chemistry between the actors. Shahidi’s garnered attention for playing wannabe fashionista Zoey Johnson in Black-ish and the underrated Grown-ish. Melton’s spotlight is also growing thanks to his role as Reggie Mantle in Riverdale. But can they carry a movie?

MAY 22:

THE TOMORROW MAN

Since the death of her daughter, Ronnie Meisner (Blythe Danner) spends her life at an emotional distance, often buying items she never uses. The one day, Ed Hemster (John Lithgow), who makes her let her guard down. But Ed has problems of his own. Worrying about the future, he’s built a fallout shelter where he stacks nonperishables. Through each other, Ronnie and Ed have a chance to move to the present.

The main reason I included this on the list are the two main leads. Danner is one of those underappreciated actresses who appear in a lot of movies and tv shows but you never remember her name. She finally gained some acclaim in her rare lead role in the underrated gem I’ll See You in My Dreams. But even then, she was back in supporting roles in overlooked films. Of course, it’s because Hollywood rarely writes roles for middle aged or elderly women unless she’s Meryl Streep or Helen Mirren.

And then there’s John Lithgow. He’s one of few actors who elevates a scene just by being there. Whether it’s the Dawn of the Planet of the Apes or Third Rock from the Sun, he always delivers a top-notch performance no matter the genre or quality. Personally, I found him to be the only good thing in the awful sitcom Trial & Error. The main reason I’d watch this film is because of him.

MAY 24:

ALADDIN

Another live action Disney remake.

I don’t think I need to explain the synopsis. By now, everyone knows the story of Aladdin like the back of their hand. So, let’s focus on whether we should bother with this remake.

On the surface, the film has a lot going for it. Mena Massoud and Naomi Scott seem perfectly cast as Aladdin and Jasmine, resembling them while adding their own touches. The setting of Agrabah looks colourful while obtaining just enough believability. And you’ve got Will Smith playing the Genie. Sure, he’s no Robin Williams, but then again no one can be Robin Williams. I’m hoping he choses to make the character his own instead of trying to copy William’s performance.

But then people started complaining that the Genie wasn’t blue in the promotion photos. The Studio assured the audience that the Genie will be blue. Well, be careful what you wish for, because you could end up with Will Smith’s face poorly added to a CGI abomination. Cue the second teaser and the angry aftermath. It should be noted that studios will often release film trailers with unfinished special effects. They were able to remedy this with a later trailer, with much better CGI and showcasing more elements of the film.

The area where I do have concern is with Director Guy Ritchie. He has taken the cinema world by surprise with his indie film Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and his follow up Snatch. But since then, none of his later films truly stood out. The main problem is a classic case of style over substance. He fills his movies with flashy imagery and dazzling camerawork, but the plots are not as engaging. The question is whether he can get out of his own way for this film.

BRIGHTBURN

It’s surprising nobody’s put a horror version of Superman before this. I’m guessing its fear of copyright issues. But here we are.

On the surface, it follows the Superman story to a tee. A superpowered baby falls from the sky and is taken in by a humble couple. He struggles to grow up in a small town while he discovers his power. In this case, the kid is Brandon Breyer (Jackson Dunn), his adoptive parents are Tori (Elizabeth Banks) and Kyle Breyer (David Denman) and the town is Brightburn.

Unfortunately, this kid has no intention for using his powers for Truth and Justice. Instead, he uses his powers to get revenge on anyone who wronged him. If a kid bullies him, he’ll crush her hand like a twig. [1]Any adult who grows suspicious of him, he can fly right into them or burn them with his laser vision. He knows he can get away with anything, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it, not even his loving step mother. So, he dons a mask and terrorizes everyone in town.

The film’s vague on Brandon’s motivation. Judging by a clip from a teaser with the Brandon trying to get to the ship, there’s a chance he was sent to earth to cause destruction. Or maybe he’s just a sociopath with too much power. What is certain is the creativity of the premise. You’ve got a kid whose indestructible, has amazing abilities. But he lacks restraint. He could take over an entire city. How do you stop him?

What may elevate this film is Elizabeth Banks’ performance. As she tries to stick up for Brandon, you can see she’s torn between her love of Brandon and her fear of his actions. It could provide an emotional core for the film that will offer more impact for the audience.

MAY 31:

GODZILLA: KING OF THE MONSTERS

With the success of the 2014 American adaptation, the one and only Godzilla returns, and he’s brought some friends.

The secret organization Monarch led by Dr. Ishiro Serizawa (Ken Watanabe) have their hands full a roster of Kaijus (giant-sized monsters) appearing across earth. The fan favorites are all here, including Mothra and Rodan. Their only hope is Godzilla. But he faces his biggest challenge with King Ghidorah, the three-headed behemoth three times his size.

Meanwhile, Monarch member Dr. Emma Russel (Vera Farmiga) is searching for her daughter Madison (Millie Bobby Brown), who is lost in the carnage.

The film has an all-star cast, including Sally Hawkins (returning as Serizawa’s assistant Dr. Vivienne Graham), Game of Thrones’ Charles Dance, O’Shea Hawkins Jr. (Straight Outta Compton) and Thomas Middleditch. But let’s admit we don’t watch these movies for the human characters. We’re here to watch giant monsters destroy cities and duke it out.

But Kaiju films need to centre on human characters to ground the film and portray the consequences of the destruction. There’s just one problem; the human characters are almost never interesting. One of the few exceptions was Bryan Cranston’s character in the recent film, but he’s gone way to early in the film. Hopefully writer/director Michael Dougherty will flesh out the characters in this film so we’re not waiting impatiently for the monsters.

While we’re here, I should discuss the obvious plans for a Kaiju cinematic universe. With the success of the Marvel Cinematic Universe, every studio has been trying to create their own cinematic universe, from Warner Brother’s DCEU to Universal’s “Dark Universe”. In this case, the cinematic universe would be the MonsterVerse; Hollywood’s adaptation of Japans iconic Kaiju films as well as the return of King Kong. But most of them failed because the films fail to stand on their own. Unlike the other attempts, Legendary Entertainment waited for audience reaction with the 2014 Godzilla before starting this cinematic universe. Despite criticism over the lack of Godzilla onscreen (less than a half hour), the film was still a hit. Next was King Kong: Skull Island, an on the nose allegory of Vietnam that never took itself seriously. The film also became a minor hit despite criticism. And after this upcoming film, King Kong and Godzilla will faces on in a later film. I am excited.

MA

Oscar Winner Octavia Spencer reunites with The Help director Tate Taylor for this creepy flick from the horror hitmaker Blumhouse.

Spencer plays the title character, a lonely woman named Sue Ann. One day, she’s approached by a group of underage teens to buy booze for them. She not only obliges them, but she allows them to use her basement for parties. She seems like the coolest adult to them.

Then Ma grows clingier, calling them and following them around. Things get creepy when she comes to their house, where we find out she went to high school with their parents. You can be they somehow wronged her in her youth and this is a form of revenge for her. It certainly seems with the creepy image of Ma sewing one girl’s mouth shut and tying a teen boy to her bed.

Blumhouse are on a roll, distributing one horror hit after another including the Visit, The Purge and Happy Death Day. They’ve even brought us some ground-breaking films like Get Out and Paranormal Activity. And Ma looks like it could be a worthy addition to their library with Spencer channeling Annie Wilkes from Misery.

ROCKETMAN

We conclude with the biopic of pop icon Elton John (Taron Egerton). We follow him from his early years as nerdy English boy Reginald Dwight to his rise as a mega superstar. It has all the major moments, including his big break at the Troubadour, his many over the top costumes and his struggles with his homosexuality.

I’ll be honest, I’m growing tired of recent biopics. They all go through the same song and dance. First, we see their troubled childhood, usually dealing either one terrible parent or one strong parent pushing the kid to rise above their surroundings. Then we see them form a band, they perform one song, then cut to them filling stadiums. And of course, you can’t seem to have a biopic without a naysayer producer, brief cuts of them writing songs[2]  and the third act of the star descending into drugs and alienating those he loves. They play it too safe. The only one that felt refreshing was The Motley Crue Biopic the Dirt[3].

To be fair, Rocketman seems to add a few elements to separate it from lesser biopics. First, it’s written by Lee Hall, whose pend upbeat yet grounded British class films like Billy Elliot, War Horse and the underrated play the Pittman Painters. Plus, the film looks like it’s going to be a musical, with people bursting into song. But what makes this film stand out is its style. The film takes a more stylized approach to it’s visuals, including having the crowd float in tune to the title song. I suspect the visuals will serve as a tour into John’s subconscious.

[1] It reminds me of a scene from Superman where Jonathan Kent tells Clark he can do such a thing “but what that would make him.” I guess Brandon answers that question.

[2] Often portraying it as a quick burst of inspiration instead of a long process of fine tuning the creative process is.

[3] That’s thanks to the film’s energetic editing, Hard R-partying and fearlessness in showcasing the Band Member’s ugliest moments.

#long shot #All is true #godzilla #king of the monsters #rocketman #ma #brightburn #aladdin #the tomorrow man #the sun is also a star #the souvenir #john wick #parabellum #tolkien #poms #detective pikachu