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kayandthegoldendays · 4 months

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the last few days have been spent baby wearing, running through Central Park with my running group, volunteering with the under 5 crowd at the MET, and helping a handful of my clients with different stages of their breastfeeding journeys. recently there was this awareness that these truly are the golden days… never have I experienced a season of life that is so gentle with me. my mental health is a different story but recently the realization came that my external reality is peaceful, my work while always in flux/changing is abundant and anything I could ask for is here. my subconscious is simply vigilant, so I keep repeating to myself “it’s safe” and I firmly believe my mind will catch up one day.

in other exciting news, I met my new acupuncturist who is lovely and waltzed into the room with a tenderness that I recognized so well — postpartum. she expertly traced my body and found the spots that ached or made me recoil from pain, after so many births…my back needs the help. I woke up the next morning pain free and it was revolutionary.

my marathon training is ebbing and flowing, the set backs are mainly my conservative approach to prevent injury but I have decided so long as I finish the marathon, nothing else matters. the real gift this marathon season has been my running group, we run and grab breakfast and I am reminded that runners are a different type of human athlete….so optimistic.

And in jump up and down exciting news — I’ll be in Nicaragua in less than two weeks. I even found surf lessons, well….more like a local man with a board who can teach me and a place I can rent a surf board from but it’s basically the same thing. I wasn’t too keen on signing up for a formal surf school since it felt like I’d be feeding a chain versus the local economy. my dream of riding horses on the beach may even come true and I was so overwhelmed with joy that I practically bursted into tears seeing the website videos. anyways it’s a bit more to go, and I’m grateful for these slow days left here in the city.

#personal #nyc #runblr #kayrunsamarathonparttwo #nyc diaries #happiest human #kayandthegoldendays #nicaragua #running #marathontraining

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kayandthegoldendays · 1 month

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it’s the night before and I’m petrified. this training season I had to release control of perfection — I’ve trained in four countries, in various altitudes/climates, attended over 25 births, applied to my new program, and done a lot of “adulting” in the last five months. there was no perfection in this training but what I DO have is respect for this body and trust in what it can do.

it’s my first long distance race since the crash. I still have a photo of the selfie on the last run I did hours before my car was struck and the view of the hospital bed I was in for quite some time.

I’ve cried a lot in the last 24 hrs but it’s mainly been tears of gratitude. I feel so fortunate and I think I know deep down now in my present state that what I have learned in recovering from that crash was that who I am is not tied to what I can do or what I can’t do. that single gift has freed me from the chains of attaching my worth to any metric. it feels like I’m closing some cosmic cycle.

so tomorrow I run, for the joy of it. for the grace I’ve been given, and it’s WILD that this is only one of many chances I’ll have this year to run free. I’m truly the luckiest.

#personal #kayrunsamarathonparttwo #half marathon #runtimes #run blog #runblr #what i talk about what i talk about running #running #marathon diaries #marathontraining

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kayandthegoldendays · 2 years

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Don’t mind me, I’m just hiding in the MET because the heat is unbearable.

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kayandthegoldendays · 1 year

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I’ve been under a wave of births but look it snowed. I have managed work, school ….can’t say hobbies because I feel like I don’t even know what I’ve been doing BUT I have recently started running again which makes me happy. I’m heading home after TWO births, I haven’t seen my bed in three nights and I’m excited. Will update later when I’m human again.

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kayandthegoldendays · 2 years

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the seasons are changing. 🍁

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kayandthegoldendays · 5 months

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landing in Germany felt like completion even though it’s only the beginning of my Christmas circuit. I remember being in the ICU now two years ago and repeating endlessly to any nurse close by— “I was meant to be in Germany”, before I lost consciousness.

the phrase “everything happens for a reason” was so triggering during that season, the depth of loss I felt overwhelmed my being and I couldn’t fathom a reality where my suffering and lack of ability to yield my will to live could be part of divine order.

but yesterday I ran along the Rhine. R-A-N. I felt my feet fly and I sobbed, the kind of crying that makes your body ripple outward without constraint and your lungs feel as if they’ve been submerged.

in what feels like the blink of an eye I’ve left a wheelchair, ran my first race in years, gone scuba diving, learned aerial hoop, taken up ballet, learned the wheel for ceramics, lost the tremor in my hands (I knit now!!!), etc. etc.

the other day I had a thought about my before body, I kept thinking “I was better before, stronger before, fitter before…” and all sorts of comparisons. then it dawned on me, ever so slowly… this body I have now fought to be here. it sustained me when I couldn’t be inspired to keep moving forward and I am so grateful for what it does every single day.

next up, a second go at marathon training…but this time more gentle. I have a run group, a base of community and I feel stronger than I have in eons. I’m looking at doing the Vermont Marathon 2024 but tbd on details, I also have the hope of the 9+1 for NYRR since I lost my bid for the 2022 after the crash.

It feels so difficult to see into 2025 (I don’t know if I’ll even be in NYC), but I figure the effort is what counts so I’m going to try. if anything it’s always an excuse to fly back.

#personal #what i talk about what i talk about running #runblr #runtimes #runblog #kayrunsamarathonparttwo #rhine river #germany #dusseldorf

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kayandthegoldendays · 2 years

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I would have stayed forever. • this is the season I prayed for and I’m trying my best to stay present.

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kayandthegoldendays · 2 years

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It is the start of the third term of the year. It’s hitting me that I have not taken a semester off in the past two (nearly three) years, which is unadvisable to say the least. I have adapted a new schedule routine, which means my days are full but hopefully so is my productivity. I am working full time, volunteering with four organizations, taking a full course load and I may be already pre-planning for Christmas. I spent last year’s end of the year in the ICU so it feels like I need to make this one the best one yet! I am staying put in my tiny NYC apartment which means a puppy is right around the corner! I feel so grateful for this start of the year but also my eyes are bugging out of my head! I cannot believe we are here. OH and BIG news, my marathon is in TWO months!!! I start with a mentor shortly and still have to meet my pledge for Team for Kids (big gulp).

Some things I have done to help myself this term (learning from the past ones!):

I have my admin/PA handling all of my scheduling (sans study schedule), she’s DYNAMITE at keeping me afloat and I simply block out times while she fits my clients around my schedule

I have started tapping onto resources to learn how to build a new study schedule now that my courses are much more research and reading heavy

I have started to use my time on the train for reading (GAME CHANGER)

I am working out nearly every day (well marathon training duh) but also trying new things to move my body so I keep my zen

I have swapped to a quarterly system for goals and habit building (this is new I’ll update how it goes!)

I joined Thrive Market to order grocery staples and snacks direct to door and will also be joining a meal delivery service to out source three dinners a week!

I have decided my social capacity is one to two evenings a week and I am leaning closer to one (since I’m simply tired) but prioritizing at least once

My wake times and sleep times are stabilizing and I’m being very rigid about it while I adjust

I will keep you guys posted on how it goes! For now, off to finish reading. I’m covering case studies for abnormal child psychology and am about to deep dive. Wish me luck please!!!!!(!!!)

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kayandthegoldendays · 2 years

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Back in the concrete jungle, the summer session is in full swing and my psych courses have me pumped even though I missed entry into one developmental course I was dying to get into because they told me I was off the waist list DURING a birth I was attending 😒

ANYWAYS, four babies in less than two weeks. I was like why am I so tired? Then I realized ahh it hasn’t even been two weeks! So far Three boys, one girl. I’m going to start one of those birth jars to keep track!

I moved into my new apartment and Manhattan has never looked so clean in my new neighborhood plus I’m less than a 15min walk to Central Park, it’s quiet, and my neighbors have massive pups that they let me pet!

I’m supposed to be planning, there’s things to be done with the ongoing swing of life but the only thing I have planned so far is — I think I want to take a pause from births at years end. Maybe head on a trip to see the Christmas markets finally. I was supposed to be in Germany last year before the crash landed me in the ICU and I’ve been a bit nervous to plan the trip again (PTSD isn’t fun).

But I want to! It’s on my list and I feel like I deserve it. I don’t plan to attend my own graduation and it will ruffle feathers once I tell my family but I’d much rather be far away than stuck in an auditorium.

I feel so grateful, tired but grateful. The golden days indeed and I pray they continue. Some days I get overwhelmed with the goodness, and then I settle my heart by reminding myself of everything I’ve survived in less than a year. I deserve this season.

I have spinach filled ravioli cooking on the stove and on my first full day off tomorrow I might get really wild and go buy an instapot!!!

#personal #studyblr #light academia #study inspo #psychblr #runblr #kayrunsamarathonparttwo #new york city #nyc #marathoner #marathon diaries #doula to midwife #full spectrum doula #doula life #postpartum doula #birth doula #birth stories #happiest human

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kayandthegoldendays · 2 years

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the semester starts in a few days, I feel a bit apprehensive. in the limbo between pushing and resting, my heart feels unsteady.

I have not taken a semester off since the start of COVID in 2020. it’s aggressive and I stun myself with what I’ve done working full time, recovering from a crash, even starting classes that one semester a mere few days after leaving the ICU and now marathon training. I have definitely tried my best, and I think my only goal from here to graduation is — to take it easy.

I was selected for an interview to be a CASA advocate in NYC and if it goes well I’ll devote my last year to helping littles in foster care but already wonder how I’ll respond to being in a court room.

The NYC marathon is in two months, I have surrendered any firm goals and instead am going for let’s simply celebrate I can run again. It’s wild to think I was in a wheelchair last year.

Work is settling and booming all at once, I have births for the spring already and I don’t know what this winter will bring but I have faith I’ll be able to juggle.

I’m also adopting a dog. From where I don’t know but I keep saying it hoping the right opportunity comes in the meanwhile starting a savings for the pup seems “right”.

I miss my family. I miss them in the way I miss the ocean and long for water but I don’t have the time to travel quite just yet.

It’s a really really beautiful season and I know this. I’m the luckiest always but it’s overwhelming at times.

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kayandthegoldendays · 2 years

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Boo. 🎃🍁 — my mood was rotten tonight for no reason and I’m trying to let it be “ok”. I had a great few days of incredible energy and I realize it’s unrealistic to be that happy everyday.

• I have a paper on race relations in different societies for cultural psychology due Friday

• I have another paper on mood disorders for atypical child psychology due Sunday

• I have French lessons twice a week now (I LOVE my tutor)

• I have my theories assignments self paced (thank goodness)

• I signed a few work contracts start of this week ❤️

• I visit family next week which meant a heavy work week this week

And I met with each of the PhDs overseeing me this semester and realized I actually like each of them. I do better when there’s the click so here’s hoping it improves my semester. ~ I also magically have maintained a high volume of workouts and it’s helping me. I truly have been having a good week, I think I was tired and grumpy also I ate out so there’s allllll of that. Tomorrow will be better.

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kayandthegoldendays · 2 years

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Art exhibits make my heart swoon.

Quick update:

• the start of the semester has unfolded, this week wasn’t my best week for reading and I think I needed better time management

• the marathon is a month away and I’m petrified since my training has been lackluster at best

• work is thriving

• my plants are wilting with the weather change

• I leave upstate in about a week

Basically I need help and a coffee maybe a bite of a croissant too.

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kayandthegoldendays · 2 years

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it’s the final countdown until I head back to the island this week— I am beyond paranoid these days but I think it’s like ripping off a band aid.

You get in the car, you get on the plane and you just wing it. (tiny gasp)

But for now it’s readings and my not so tidy outlines for my first paper in my African American psychology course (book: Homegoing) plus my very limited attempt at reviewing nutrition principles for my exam prep. I spoke with my academic coach today and we agreed I need a new study plan to accommodate the additional exam prep for licensure but I think I’m frozen in “let’s just make it through today” mode so I’ll give myself a break and add it to my “weekend when you’re not frenzied list”.

Did I mention we are to resume volunteering this month 😳 and well work is always there, a blessing but also a balancing act. Let’s see how this goes.

I am happy to report my attention span is increasing by the day which means we are not broken, take that white coats. I probably shouldn’t take it so personally and lean into a trauma informed perspective but I’m stubborn. So concentration drills and bursts of yoga as my body/brain heals.

I feel like I should gift myself something when I graduate and I think I’m going to go with a puppy.😭 but first ✍🏽

Oh! I also finished a leisure book last month which means I’m on target for my one book a month for fun this year. Yes we will read for enjoyment this year HA.

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kayandthegoldendays · 2 years

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clips of the last insane two weeks.

• finals are approaching, I think we’re going to be OK

• finalized my class schedule and I had all the big feelings of whoa

• work is booming!

• I still have lovely dreams of a golden retriever in my future but I don’t know how realistic it is? Goldie in NYC?

• oh!!!! Furniture, my new office/art studio has FURNITURE (well it’s in my building stages lol)

• we start training for our marathon come back in a week or two 🤯

There’s so much goodness here and some days I can’t believe it’s been months since the crash and here we landed. Other days I have to remind myself it’s not a dream, we are very much here and everything is over but all the new is only just starting.

The luckiest always.

#personal #studyblr #light academia #study inspo #light acadamia aesthetic #softcore #study blog #psychblr #psychology #kayrunsamarathonparttwo #runblr #academia #nyc #study like rory #einstein #flowerais #marathoner #new york city #marathon diaries

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kayandthegoldendays · 2 years

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Colombian Bakery goodies the morning before I became a noodle (before the crash).

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kayandthegoldendays · 2 years

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quick snaps of the week. I made the error of heading to the library during tours and I was hiding about trying to stay out of the way! The ceiling of the study room makes the hours dance away.

After my physical therapy appointment I found out I’ll be sidelined for a while and I’m having happy thoughts of walks and pilates so I don’t fall into destructive stress. I like my PT, he’s the only male on my entire medical team (purposefully) but he feels trustworthy which means I’ll be more receptive to recovery efforts. Also means I have an excuse to fill my evenings with theatre performances and art shows, my friend is taking me to my first Spanish performance 🎭

Deep into Homegoing and finished a paper for African psychology on it yesterday! I’m half ready for the second half but also too deeply committed to the initial characters to let go. I spent the little sunshine we received in Bryant Square Park listening to the littles shriek with joy at the carousel 🎠.

March Study Challenge • Day 3

Favorite motivational quote.

“There is a greater gift than to trust in others, and that is to trust in oneself…some might call it confidence, others might call it faith. But if it makes us brave, the label doesn’t matter for its the thing that frees us to embrace life itself….

…She chased her dreams with courage and oh how he loved her.” — J.L

Always the one I go back to. It came when I was learning to walk again, when I thought about quitting my program, when I was absolutely devastated with life and now as I’m navigating this “post crash” existence — it comes frequently but I read it with so much lightness now.

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