#just the sheer fucking malicious intent

[shojoisms]

— [♡] 21:55 with Matsukawa.

just a lil drabble because I love this man, your honor + not beta’d just copied and pasted from my docs.

✩⡱ content+warnings: fem!reader, established relationships, vaginal penetration, size kink, creampies, pet names are used!

Your boyfriend watches in amusement — watching you huff and grunt as you struggle to sink down on his cock, both your hands placed on his broad chest to steady yourself as you try again.

“What’s wrong, bunny?” Matsukawa asks, a shit-eating grin plastered on his face, his features doing nothing to mask that — yes — he does find your current dilemma amusing.

“Need a hand?” You roll your eyes as he places his heavy hands on your hips before you swat them away — the teasing lilt never leaving his tone.

“No,” You lift yourself up so that you're hovering mere inches away from Matsukawa’s thick, monster cock — the fat mushroom head bumping against your clit has you hesitating.

For a while, none of you say anything instead you retract one of your hands, stroking his cock for good measure. Matsukawa groans at the sensation, pre cum beading on the tip as you continue pumping him and slathering his shaft in his essence for extra help.

It’s not long before you’re aligning the tip of his cock with your awaiting heat — slowly but surely, his girth disappears between your folds. The stretch burns, although not unbearable, your boyfriend was huge. Way more endowed than most of the men you’ve ever been with, even rivaling half of your toy collection.

A string of curses spew from you both. “‘S fuckin’ big,” you hiss, your head laying against Matsukawa’s chest as he finally bottoms out.

“So fuckin’ tight,” He mocks back with a hiss, although with no malicious intent — you felt amazing around him, like you were made for him and he’s damn sure he’s gonna mold your pussy in the shape of his cock, ruining you for every man after him, has his balls tightening at the idea.

“Give me sec,” you breathe out, giving yourself time to adjust to the sheer size, and hefty weight of Matsukawa’s cock.

“Take all the time you need,” He hums, “not goin’ anywhere, not when your pussy’s clenching onto me like this,”

You can feel your boyfriend’s chest rise with laughter, as soon as your body gets accustomed to his you raise your hips, allowing them to fall back down upon his cock — his laughter catching in his throat as you clench around him.

Your pace starts off slow, teasingly slow, just to spite your boyfriend and he rolls his hips lazily in encouragement.

You relish in the way Matsukawa’s cock feels as you spear yourself upon it — his cock stretching the warm pouch of your cunt with each movement, as you force more of him inside you, making you feel full.

“Is—sei,” You drawl, Matsukawa can barely take it, he needs more — more than what you’re offering.

Taking matters into his own hands, he grabs you by your hips — palms planted firmly against you. You squeal in surprise as he lifts you up before slamming you back down on his length, his cock delving deeper inside of you as the tip hits against your cervix.

His pace is relentless, unforgiving, almost certain that he’s punishing you for teasing him earlier. “Fuck, f—fuck” you cry, your hands clawing at his back while your nails rake across his skin, leaving scratches across the surface.

He merely groans in response, unfazed by your actions.

It feels like your losing your mind as more and more of Matsukawa splits you open, he even shifts his hips to ram into your more sensitive spots with a calculated precision — determined to make you go dumb on his cock.

It’s not like he had to do much anyways.

Matsukawa’s not much of a talker when it comes to sex, but something about the way your hole keeps sucking his cock back in has him reconsidering. “You feel so fuckin’ good, shit”

Tears are beginning to form in the corners of your eyes, your vision going hazy as the last remnants of your sanity fades away. “Like you were made for me, bunny,”

Your lips fall open, as more moans roll off your tongue. You’re close — the coil in your tummy growing tighter.

Matsukawa knows it, he can tell by the way your walls flutter around him — clenching, and squeezing his cock as you finally cum.

You fall slack in his embrace, although it does nothing to hinder him — he continues bouncing you up and down on his cock as if you were weightless, weighing less than a doll. “Almost there,” he grunts, and it’s not like you could really comprehend what he was saying anyways.

And with a few more rolls of his hips, his cock twitches and pulses inside you, signaling his end as he spurts thick ropes of semen along your walls until you’re completely overfilled, leaving some to seep from between your folds —- wetting both yours and his thighs.

Matsukawa pulls you close, pressing his lips against the curve of your face. “Atta girl,” it comes out breathlessly, “let’s go get you cleaned up,”

#haikyuu smut #hq smut #haikyuu imagines #matsukawa issei x reader #haikyu x reader smut #matsukawa x reader #Matsukawa smut #Mattsun smut #hq x reader smut #hq drabbles #matsukawa issei x you #perhaps I shall make my formatting for posts look better too.. #hmm..

[comicaurora]

Just a quick question as someone who is well-meaning but just a little confused about the kindle thing:

is it just the filesize of the pages that's the problem w/ downloading? I'm not sure what the difference between dl-ing up front or while reading would be from a hosting perspective. (unless ppl are actually wanting every page at once instead of like a few chapters' worth)

Sorry if all this is annoying, I'm just trying to better understand the problem. I don't mean to bother, so if it's not something you want to talk abt, then that's completely fair.

I guess the thing I keep snagging on is that it's not at all what I intended for the comic and it's not what the site is optimized for. My site follows an extremely normal webcomic format, the tumblr mirror has multiple pages in each post if people need improved loadtimes, and I'm getting kind of thrown that people are suddenly asking for it to be in a completely different offline format? A webcomic has "web" right in the name. It doesn't work that way, it hasn't worked that way the entire time the comic has existed, and frankly, while the intent was definitely not malicious, being asked "hey I'm having a lot of trouble pirating your work, you should make it easier for me" feels Weird And Bad for reasons I would assume are self-evident.

From my side of things, I'm hoping to get Aurora physically published in the future, and physical publication these days usually also goes hand in hand with an ebook release. Publishers already need convincing why they should physically publish something that exists for free online. If I jerry-rigged a downloadable ebook version myself, why would a publisher go to the effort to do it for me? It'd be like self-publishing the book first and then asking them to pay to do it all over again. I would very much like to not fuck up the publishing thing and that means I'm not touching anything a publisher would want to do.

Aurora is entirely free. It has no affiliated patreon, and after a brief run and some laughably poor policy management from google's ad plugin, the site no longer has any ads. I'm not saying this to guilt anyone - just to contextualize why, after finally completing the work of four and a half years of my life that I shared 100% freely with the world for the sheer love of creation and the profound joy it gave me to see people fall in love with this story I care so deeply about, why it sucks that people immediately, not even 24 hours after the final page of arc 1 goes up, start complaining that it doesn't exist in a nice little bundle on all platforms on and offline.

I promise it's not a big deal, but it's not a pleasant experience either.

#asks

[sometimesraven]

I would like to mention I don’t give a fuck about canon. There’s no such thing in this show. What I care about is respect.

I saw someone say that this move by RTD cements Ten as one of the “best doctors” and that it’s a huge show of respect to Tennant.

But that is so disrespectful to the other Doctors?? That point exemplifies exactly what’s wrong with it in my opinion.

Yes, the episode paid lip service to the 15 years of writing since RTD and Ten left and a little more lip service to the eras before.

Yes, the idea was that an entire regeneration cycle has ended and been given closure, hell I’m even willing to headcanon that this happens to the Timeless Child after every cycle as a way to cleanse the trauma or something idk. I don’t care about the bigeneration, it literally means nothing to me as a concept.

But.

He chose Ten’s face; he explicitly chose the face of one particular Doctor (the Doctor HE WROTE and gave the least graceful regeneration) rather than just giving this storyline to the current Doctor as a way to pass the torch and acknowledge the sheer amount of pain and growth the Doctor has been through. By specifically choosing to go back to the most marketable Doctor between two of the hardest to market Doctors (due to bigotry and the fear of change that HE CONTRIBUTED TO FIFTEEN YEARS AGO), RTD has implied that Ten deserved more time and more closure than any other Doctor.

He’s undercut Ncuti’s debut for some fanwank over his own literally dead creation. He’s disrespected everything that regeneration has come to represent. That is why I have a problem with it, not because it “breaks canon”. Fuck, I was even warming up to the Timeless Child idea because whatever, who cares, it is what it is.

Literally, if the 60th had followed the same storyline but with Jodie instead I would accept it. I might even love it. I still wouldn’t particularly feel the anniversary vibes but I have no problem with the episodes in theory, but the decision to make it Ten feels cowardly at best, almost malicious at worst. I don’t think it was actually malicious, don’t get me wrong. I don’t think RTD thinks ahead enough for that and I think he genuinely loves what he does. But intention and impact are very different things and RTD does not adequately consider the impact of his actions as a writer in my opinion.

I just. Y’all were down Moffat’s throat every time he seemed even slightly self congratulatory but this is what y’all allow? Arigh’ then

#dw spoilers #doctor who #dw #RTD critical

[hungtengu]

The thing about Hantengu...

He's so seemingly weak on the outside, so frail and thin and old but he's so strong. And what makes him a sick bastard is the fact that he /knows/ he is strong. This man cowers in fear even as this horrendous creature yet he went full Order 66 on his wives and kids. He stabbed a blind man to death after he confronted Hantengu about his stealing. He wants you to believe he is weak and vulnerable so he can continue to kill and not get caught. Not because he feels a deep shame for the murders but because he can't handle the consequences that come with being guilty. Could he have a personality disorder? Yes. Absolutely. And the clones are my backing. I have no idea if his malicious tendencies are because he was neglected as a boy or not, but he shivers and cries as though he genuinely doesn't remember committing such crimes. Unless of course he's a great fucking actor, but this is not likely. He may truly be delusional.

His physical manifestation as a demon has eyes sunken further into his head than when he was human, glowing red with yellow irises so small his kanji is hardly even visible. As a human his eyes were still sunken but buggy and all white. No irises to be seen until he widened his eyes in realization at the magistrate who condemned him to death. There's an aura of anxiety that surrounds him, yes, but speckled in pure evil. His appearance is so cold but inside he is burning with a fiery rage and intent to kill. He took the last breath of countless lives in his lifetime and as a demon, he devoured even more, ripping them to shreds like a rabid beast. He is creepy and calculated- his correction to Gyokko with his recollection of how many years since the last summons was quick and it shows in his time alone, he is hung up on power and battle. He WANTS to unleash his young and handsome clones. He WANTS to live vicariously through them completely unharmed. He felt as though his evil was unlimited as a demon, something a human man can not relate to.

I love him because he is complex, dark and psychological. He is a mentally sick man, but god I find him so sexy and I don't know why. It's not that I romanticize mental illness, I myself am diagnosed BPD and DID and there is nothing sexually appealing about what I go through, but Hantengu is remarkably sensual in the way that his mind won't let him survive without making sure you know you've upset him, the way his collar bones show through the V line opening in his silky kimono, his joints and masculine bones exposed through his tight and withered skin... His unruly black hair that rests upon his narrow shoulders, his rugged demonic nails and pointed chin with defined jawline and cheekbones... The way each tendon pulls with every turn... The Adams apple in his exposed neck... Never truly seeing his facial features in the light, never truly seeing all the little details in each line and protrusion... Just an expression of sheer terror. A traditional Oni.

To me he is beautiful. To me he is mine.

I love him.

#hantengu #hantengu clones #kny #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #anime #manga #mental illness #mental health #dissociative identity disorder #borderline personality disorder #narcissistic personality disorder #sekido #aizetsu #urogi #karaku #urami #zohakuten

[wren-of-the-woods]

True Slug's Kiss

When Geralt finds himself entangled in a magical mishap, Jaskier is prepared to save him as usual. What he is not prepared for is the sheer strangeness (and sliminess) of the situation— nor the feelings that it will force him to reveal. This is 2.3k of Geraskier shenanigans, rated T! Also on AO3.

If there was one thing Jaskier really should have learned over his years of traveling with Geralt, it was that he should never trust Geralt when he said everything would be fine. 

Here Jaskier was, picking his way through overgrown and vine-entangled elven ruins, all because he trusted Geralt to know what he was talking about. 

“Oh, it’ll be fine, he says,” Jaskier muttered to himself, doing his best Geralt impression as he clambered over what was probably once a stone pillar. “‘I’ll just do a quick sweep of the ruins for monsters. I’ll be back in a jiffy.’ Then, flash! Bang! Something loud and fucked up and probably magical has happened! And now I, a humble bard, and once again stuck cleaning up the messes of Geralt of Rivia.”

He climbed under the remnants of a door in a great stone wall that was now more of a great stone heap, wincing as water dripped into his hair. He was headed in what he hoped was the direction of the flash he had seen. He had stared at the ruins for long enough as he waited fruitlessly for Geralt to return that he was reasonably sure he knew the way. It shouldn’t be much further; or at least, he certainly hoped not, because he’d left Roach and most of their things on the top of the hill overlooking the ruins and he did not want to leave them there longer than necessary. 

Jaskier passed the tall beech he had noticed just behind where the flash had been. He picked his way through large, scattered blocks of stone strewn across a cobbled street.

“Geralt!” he called. There was no response. Taking a deep breath, he rounded a corner and looked into the courtyard where he thought the probably-magic had taken place.

The sight that greeted him was… not what he expected. 

For one thing, there was no particularly unusual wreckage or carnage. There was no sign of a fight. The courtyard, in fact, was completely unoccupied— except for a large, yellow something beside a heap of stones right in the center. 

Jaskier stood there cautiously for a moment, watching. The thing did not move. It was long and low and rather squishy-looking. It did not seem particularly threatening. 

Slowly, Jaskier approached. 

As he drew nearer, he began to make out more of the thing’s appearance. It was as long as Jaskier was tall, and perhaps three or four hands’ width at its widest point. It was yellow and gave off the overall effect of a rather slimy banana. It had antennae protruding from one end. It was, Jaskier realized as he began to draw near, some sort of exceptionally large slug. 

He kept a healthy distance between himself and the giant slug, mindful of the fact that this thing was probably involved in whatever had happened to Geralt. As he watched, he realized that it was moving. It was, very slowly, turning to head towards him. 

He took a step back. The slug continued to turn. 

“Nice slug,” he said placatingly, slowly starting to back away in earnest. “You are a very nice slug with no malicious or magical intentions toward any humble bards, I’m sure.”

The slug was still turning. Jaskier noticed that it had something around what passed for its neck. 

He paused, frowning. He watched as the slug turned to face him. When it finally came around, his jaw dropped.

Around the slug’s neck was a chain, and from the chain hung a very, very familiar medallion. 

“You’re Geralt,” said Jaskier, master of the seven liberal arts. “Fucking fuckity fuck.”

~

The less said about the next few hours, the better. Suffice to say that, with great effort, determination, ingenuity, and some slime, Jaskier managed to get the slug up to where Roach was waiting before nightfall. The slug was just as surly and stubborn as any white-haired witcher could be, and any lingering doubts Jaskier might have had about its identity were laid to rest when, the moment they were close enough, Roach trotted up to the slug, sniffed it, and whickered happily. 

“What am I going to do with you?” Jaskier asked slug-Geralt once he’d had a moment to breathe. The ex-witcher looked rather incongruous surrounded by their packs and Jaskier’s lute. 

Geralt-slug, predictably, said nothing.

“Is this a curse? It’s probably a curse. That pile of stones I found you by could have been an altar or some other object of magical fuckery, retrospectively. Shit. I’m going to have to find a mage, aren’t I?”

Geralt-slug said nothing. He looked, to Jaskier’s frazzled imagination, rather judgemental. 

Jaskier sighed, long and deep. “I suppose it’s Yennefer time.”

~

It was a long, long few days as Jaskier tried to get Geralt to Yennefer. 

He discovered very quickly that there was no way he could travel at Geralt’s pace without getting bored out of his mind, and try as he might, he could not figure out a feasible way to get the giant slug to ride Roach without Roach becoming incredibly unhappy, so he was eventually forced to spend a day constructing a makeshift sled out of logs and Geralt’s cloak and clothes so that Roach could drag him along behind her. Jaskier draped his own cloak over Geralt to keep him from drying out, and also to keep him from bewildering any unfortunate passers-by. 

The nights passed rather uncomfortably, too; Jaskier had to subsist off of their rations and what little he could find himself. He also tried to gather some nice leaves and greenery for Geralt to eat, because his size seemed to impede his ability to find his own without squashing them. 

The only upside to the whole situation, as far as Jaskier could tell, was that Geralt couldn’t complain when Jaskier sang incessantly. He could invent as many ditties about his irritation as he wanted without repercussion. He wasn’t entirely sure that Geralt could even hear him. 

If he had to go through this ordeal without anyone to listen to his complaints, he was damn well going to get a decent song out of it. After a several days of travel, he had something he was reasonably happy with. He sang it incessantly to stave off boredom. 

The witcher called his barker to save his sorry ass To find him after he got lost in ruins of cities past A strange yellow shape oozed forth to request a deft assist But the Witcher was still unseen, the story had a twist

The Golden Slug with the golden slime A wolf’s head medallion on its neck shined Far squishier than a day-old lime It covered me with grimeI’m all covered in grimeThere’s so much slime

The strange yellow slug turned to the bard with pleading in its eyes The bard realized the truth, he saw through the spell’s disguise He knew he had to help it, or else throw away his lute For it was a curséd witcher, not a giant slimy fruit

Oh, the Golden Slug with the golden slime A wolf’s head medallion on its neck shined Far squishier than a day-old limeIt covered me with grime I’m all covered in grime There’s so much slime

Eventually, he did manage to make it to the town where he had last heard of Yennefer being. The little party received several confused looks as they made their way through the streets. Jaskier eventually managed to get a (mildly frightened-looking) child to point him in the direction of the sorceress. 

He stood on Yennefer’s doorstep, feeling distinctly bedraggled and rather absurd. He was fully aware of the fact that he, or at least Geralt, had a decent chance of being lampooned if not laughed out of town altogether. 

He was not disappointed. 

Yennefer did not stop laughing for a solid quarter of an hour after Jaskier explained the situation. She broke down again when Jaskier brought Geralt into the alley behind her house for her to examine him. It was distinctly awkward to stand there as she looked at a against slug and giggled. He really hoped Geralt appreciated/would appreciate his sacrifice. 

Eventually, Yennefer completed her examination and vanished back inside to do some research. Jaskier deposited Geralt in the stables with Roach, hoping that it wouldn’t cause a disaster, and bullied Yennefer into letting him use her baths. It was heavenly to finally be clean of all that sweat and slime. 

~

“I believe he’s been turned into a giant version of something called a banana slug,” Yennefer told him over wine that evening, after having concluded her research. “They live mainly in the wet forests by the coast to the north. Normally, they’re only about six inches long.”

“That’s still unsettlingly large for a slug.”

Yennefer shrugged. “Anyway, it was probably caused by an old magic item he happened across in the ruins, one that had broken over the years to curse anyone who came near it.”

“Do you think you can undo it?”

“I can’t undo it directly. It’s too old. But I do know the cure.”

“What is it?” 

“It’s old, just as the magic is. It’s hardly used nowadays, but it’s effective.”

“Get to the point,” said Jaskier. He thought she looked like she was enjoying this far too much. It was suspicious.

“It’s true love’s kiss.”

Jaskier blinked. He stared at Yennefer, hoping that she would laugh and tell him it was all a joke. She did not, though her eyes were sparkling in what was undeniably amusement.

“Are you telling me that Geralt’s true love has to kiss him for him to become human again?”

“Yes,” said Yennefer. The expression on her face was approaching glee. Jaskier was afraid. 

“Where are we going to find Geralt’s true love? Does he have one?” Jaskier blinked. “Is it you? Do you have to kiss a giant slug?”

“No,” said Yennefer. Her expression clearly added the word ‘idiot’. “You have to kiss a giant slug.”

Jaskier blinked. “Me?”

“Of course.”

“But… doesn’t the love have to be reciprocated for true love’s kiss to work?”

“Yes. But it is. He loves you back.”

“How do you know?”

“It’s obvious.”

Jaskier narrowed his eyes. “Are you sure you aren’t just trying to get me to make a fool of myself?”

“That’s only a delightful side effect. It’ll work, I promise.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes.” Her grin grew. “Though you should know: banana slugs are that color because they’re mildly toxic. It’ll make your mouth go numb. Also, the slime expands in water.”

Jaskier resisted the urge to bury his face in his hands. “Oh, joy.”

~

Jaskier looked at Geralt. Geralt (probably) looked at Jaskier. Yennefer watched them both. She was ostensibly there in case of any magical mishaps, but Jaskier thought she just wanted to watch the fun. 

“You’d better love me back,” Jaskier told the slug threateningly, doing his best not to feel like a fool, “Because if I have to kiss you like this, I’m going to be fucking mad if it’s for nothing.”

With that, he leaned down and planted a large kiss directly between the slug’s antennae.

It was wet. It was slimy. Jaskier stayed as long as he could bear before rearing back, spitting and spluttering. The slime stuck to the inside of his mouth, expanding. His mouth was indeed beginning to go numb. It was a deeply unnerving sensation. 

Jaskier was so wrapped up in his disgust that he didn’t notice anything else had changed until, from behind him, a very deep and familiar voice said, “Jaskier?”

Jaskier whirled around. There stood Geralt in all his witchery glory, his armor and swords on, not a drop of slime or a hint of yellow to be seen. 

“Geralt!” Jaskier tried to say. It came out as an indistinct mumble, since his mouth was numb and full of slime. He tried to spit again.

“I told you it’d work!” said Yennefer happily.

“What happened?” asked Geralt.

“True love’s kiss,” said Yennefer. She sounded entirely too pleased with herself, and also not nearly appreciative enough of Jaskier’s plight.

Geralt blinked. He turned to Jaskier. “But that means…”

“Mmmph,” said Jaskier emphatically.

Yennefer conjured a glass of water and handed it to him. Jaskier swished it in his mouth gratefully. 

“I love you,” he managed to say when he spit the water out. “I love you so much I kissed you as a slug.”

Geralt swallowed. He, at least, looked suitably touched. “I love you. I never thought you’d love me back.”

“I do. Idiot.”

Geralt smiled, pulled Jaskier towards him, and tugged him into a kiss. It was rather slimy, as first kisses went. Jaskier’s mouth was still numb. The whole affair was rather awkward. 

And yet, because it was true love — because it was Geralt — it was the best kiss he ever had.

~

“Do you have to keep singing that damn song?” Geralt grumbled. 

“Yes. It’s my payment for having gone through that ordeal.”

“I thought your payment was kisses.”

“That too. I went through a lot.”

“Hmm.”

“Oh, shut up. I know you love the song, deep down.”

Geralt said nothing, but his glare spoke volumes.

“I’ve written a proper ending, actually. Would you like to hear it?”

Without waiting for a response, Jaskier began to sing. 

The bard sought out a helper, a sorceress beauty She told him how to break the curse, unpleasant as it be The brave bard kissed the creature, though it covered him with slime And the slug became a witcher, for their love was for all time

Oh, the Golden Slug with the golden slime A wolf’s head medallion on its neck shined Far squishier than a day-old lime It covered me with grime I’m all covered in grime There’s so much slime So much slime

He let the last note fade and bowed dramatically, trying not to laugh at the exasperated expression on Geralt’s face. 

“Come on, give me a review. Three words or less.”

Geralt smirked. “Once, I would have said ‘shut up, bard.’ I know a much better way to keep you quiet now.”

Jaskier grinned. “Oh yeah?”

Geralt pulled him into a kiss that was long, emphatic, and not remotely, and the song was soon forgotten in the face of Jaskier’s joy. 

#geraskier #the witcher #geralt #jaskier #the witcher fanfiction #geralt of rivia #julian alfred pankratz #geralt x jaskier #yennefer #wren writes #behold!! a very silly fanfic! :D

[scoutsbabygirl]

cherished | yandere!scout x reader

okay, so little preface; dark and yandere themes! (i pinky promise i am okay). also, scout is kinda into feet in this, its not over the top and in your face but it is mentioned. there might be errors throughout this as i didn’t edit it.

he asked you for help in regards to hanging up a photo, without a second thought you jumped at the thought of helping one of your fellow teammates out. you waited outside his door, hearing jeremy stumble about inside his room then calling out to you that the door was open. you opened the door ready to call him out for having you wait outside for so long. a hand covered your mouth and your eyes widened without sight of jeremy anywhere within the room. your back was pressed up to his chest and you heard the all too familiar click of the lock on his door. he removed his hand from your mouth before pushing you down practically falling onto the foot of his bed. you flipped your self around so that you were facing him, adrenaline rushing through your body you crawled back onto the head of his bed to the point where your back was laying against his sports themed pillows. jeremy, without missing a beat crawled on top of you. you let out a screech before grabbing one of those pillows and pressing it to his face. did you want to suffocate him? no, it was just an attempt to get him off you and that you could leave his room. oh, how mann co and ms. pauling would fire his ass so quickly. 

“oh fuck you, stupid bitch.” half of his sentence was muffled before he threw the pillow back at you. you almost fell off the bed from sheer terror and panic. he managed to grab the hem of your shirt, choking you in the process. he hauled you back on the fluffy mattress so that you were looking up at him. “do i need to teach you a lesson? i’ve done so much for you, the least thing you can do is behave.” he snarled, his big hands calloused from years of gripping a wooden bat consumed your much smaller shoulders, holding you down in place. moving your upper body felt like walking through quicksand. your weak attempts at pushing him off you earned a chuckle from the boy. you poor attempts to shove the much stronger boy off you led to no avail and you had never felt more pathetic than in that moment. all the hours you spent in the gym in an attempt to appear more buff and intimidating than what you actually were. your emotions were at fault for that- they made you emotionally weak and made you easily manipulated by others. jeremy knew that and as much as he fought the demon he eventually succumbed to it, he was too cocky and full of himself that he only understood this as an improvement for the both of you- the start of something beautiful. from an outsiders view they would have called him obsessive and ill. the other mercs would often talk about slight shifts and changes they noticed within jeremy, his sudden burst of anger when you had to leave the base for the weekend, his glances that never left your body when you walked away, a malicious smile that hung on his lips far too long when you came into his line of sight. mr. ludwig even called this irrational behavior “disturbing” but refused to bring it up with scout, simply blaming this behavior on his hormones. 

the pressure of his hands digging into your shoulder blades became too much and you opened your mouth to speak, only managing out a soft mewl. he must’ve understood that he was hurting you- the opposite of his intent. although he knew harming you would keep you obedient and make you less willing to put up a fight against him. with even just any barely pressure removed you kicked your legs up, the force helped you get off the bed yet you fell right onto your knees. you were winded and so confused it was starting to take a toll on your overall function. you pushed yourself off the with the palms of your hands, eyes locked on the door and then you noticed it. rather, noticed them.

his walls were covered in photos of you. the wallpaper that was once there was covered up with photos of you. some were you intentionally posed for the camera, most were with him and almost all of the remaining photos were of you unsuspecting of the camera nor his presence. not even candid. your eyes shifted over one of you taken from outside your window, lifting your shirt over your head, your bra and stomach exposed. and that photo was hanging on his wall. the boy you thought was your best friend. you then noticed his desk was covered in different photos of you with pink sharpie hearts over the picture frames. little trinkets your recognized that were gone were on his desk, he had blatantly stolen from you- from the comfort of your room.

“oh my god...” you spoke, you covered your mouth feeling your whole body begin shaking like a leaf. “what the hell is this?” you turned around, to see his calm and relaxed face, his blue eyes connected with yours. how was he so collected? you faced the wall again and took the smallest step towards the desk. a sock, you recognized to be yours was placed to neatly on his desk. everything about him was messy and uncontrollable. there was your sock. without any wrinkles. on his desk. your heart sank just thinking of everything he did to that poor little piece of fabric. “there’s no way. i have to be dreaming.” you whipped your head back to him, direct eye contact was made for a few moments before he slowly acscending from the bed, still towering over your much smaller figure. your mother was right, why did you wanna fight and kill people? she always warned you about living with men, they were always up to no good. god, you wish you took her up on that advice instead of pushing her away. jeremy approached you, a much softer look on his pale face, his arms were up which signaled defeat or compassion. if those open arms were any one else’s you would have run right into them for comfort.

“all i ever asked was for you to love me back… are you so selfish you won’t even give me that?” his voice was low and soft direct opposite of the message he was delivering. much different from how he was actions minutes before. his eyebrows knotted like he was hurt, that he was the victim. you were completely frozen in place, shocked from everything. jeremy dared wrapped his arms around you, holding you in place. his words stung your emotionally vulnerable soul, no! of course not, you wanted the best for him. but you were horrified that you couldn’t even string a thought together in your head. you were stiff in his arms with wide eyes and your breathing becoming more erratic and heavily. 

instinctually, you began to back away, anything to get away from his grip. he followed your feet step for step until you bumped into the desk. the sudden feeling of the cold oak wood desk made you jump a bit of out fear yet this whole situation made you fearful. suddenly, jeremy grabbed your wrists causing you to scream murder and shake your head from side to side. why couldn’t anyone hear you? you were loud enough for the entire state of new mexico to hear you. 

“if you’re smart, you’re going to stop struggling and kiss me back right now “ he was so much stronger than what you had thought. he looked like this scrawny little pasty white shrimp, but now here he was, having you cowered into the corner of his room. his lanky body was covering yours therefor his forehead dipped onto yours. both of his arms held your wrists down and god it hurt, your arms twisted in a weird position trying to prevent jeremy from getting anywhere closer to you. your heart was racing and a million thoughts went through your head. you had no idea how you were gonna get out of this situation.

#scout tf2 #scout x reader #scout tf2 x reader #tf2 scout #tf2 x reader #yandere!scout x reader #yandere!tf2 #tf2yandere #team fortress 2 x reader

[oblivionbladetd]

The Unfortunate Implications of Pokemadhouse: The Big One.

Tldr: Lily's negligence leaves G the offender in multiple Rape Allegories. By extention, making a story about loving and forgiving a rapist.

I know for a lot of people that's already put a pit in your soul and got your guts doing flips, so if you want the proof in the year old moldy pudding, follow me under the cut.

Her insistence on calling it the "Mating Bond" really is the biggest, sturdiest nail in this particular coffin, for even for those lovey-dovey birds that do this forever mated dies without the other thing, it's still mostly a sex and survival thing. Which alone puts G in this weird place without diving deeper, It puts a connotation that G would fuck a child to not die. Which in a "gun to your head do this or something awful happens" sense? I mean, uneasy forgiveness, if any... but let's not unpack that quite yet because.

Lily was asleep... because if anything really enhances ignoring the age of consent, it's just dodging consent almost entirely. For G engages this mating bond by entering Lily's dreams and getting the consent while Lily isn't in the right state of mind. So allegorical statutory and date rape! I want to cry... how do you get this bad at blindness to your own implications? BUT HOLD ON BECAUSE IT STILL GETS WORSE!

Bonnie. As said before, she was made through sabotaged extinction prevention measures without Lily's knowledge prior to her popping into existence. At this is all I have to say is that it sure is fortunate that Lily just already had the funds to take care of a child allocated, and that Bonnie was created as a lol random but not annoying model child with zero downsides, AND is perfectly healthy despite being a Dumpster fire of genetic mixing between 2 species. Cause if that wasn't the case, then Bonnie being an allegorical rape baby would be really weird! Seriously though what the fuck, Lily?

Mix it all together with the rest of Madhouse, and we get a story where, despite numerous occasions of crossing lines both past and present, a rapist is forgiven and declared the spiritual sister of her victim! If I need to elaborate on why that's fucked dare I say it might be too late for you. To make it all worse is that Lily stands accused of having molested and raped her very own sister, Courtney. So if you believe Courtney at all, you need only shift your focus on G being the real self insert, it becomes twisted wish fulfillment, wishing that the Sister she assaulted would forgive her and become part of her life as a sister again. What makes this more insidious is that she knows that she's been breaching too far, having deleted and hastily replaced the original violate arc. Given how her real life writes a lot of the plot that isn't wordplay gags, I would be willing to take away the benefit of the doubt with it being anything other than wish fulfillment, but in the basic courtesy that I have to afford lest I become the thing I hate I will hold back from saying in a definitive way that Lily is thristy for incest.

What I will say is that the fact that this implication exists at all, in a work made by a Critic that has DAYS of content ripping into poor implications like what I have detailed today, is a legendarily bad look AT BEST. I do not expect the works of critics to be good, mind you, but that does not excuse the sheer blind incompetence on display. The absolute most charitable takeaway is that Lily has never suffered hearing herself speak or had the burden of a second thought weighing on her mind. Because if these implications are out of incompetence rather than purposeful inclusions, it speaks abyssally low of Lily's media literacy, and if it is intentional, then it's malicious if not stupid with the allegations surrounding her at time of writing.

#lily orchard #lily peet #lily orchard is a bad writer #lily orchard is a bad critic #courtney orchard #courtney peet #lily orchard is garbage and here's why #lily orchard is an abuser #pokemadhouse #tw: rape mention

[fairymascot]

the fact that ivy didn't notice harley didn't want to kill joker and that joker was the one to make ivy realize that... woah :/

(HARLEY QUINN FINALE SPOILERS)

yeah that whole bit. um. sucked! it's honestly fucked up to think about. i get it wasn't written this way maliciously, that they were going for a wholesome heart to heart vibe there, but it falls apart the second you remember who joker was before he became the woke socialist dad meme. what he was to harley, and the lifelong trauma he left her with.

everything about this plot was approached from a totally insane angle. the way ivy brings it up to harley just like, 'oh btw lex says i have to kill joker, cool?' i mean, WHAT? how can you mention it so offhandedly, knowing what this man means to her? do you not think it deserves at least a touch of gravitas? not to mention the fact that in the first place, ivy only intends to kill him because lex told her to, completely forgetting her own feelings regarding him. like, hello, ivy hates his guts? remember how her immediate reaction to realizing she's in the same room as normie bartender joker is marching over with full intent to kill him?? and now she's just, mildly irritated with the guy. no hard feelings i guess.

and then just. honestly. the sheer disgust i felt at seeing ivy get over her mild irritation towards joker in 20 seconds flat, kicking back with him and shooting the shit with him like a couple of old pals? the way they bonded over shit-talking harley together??? i get it was supposed to be 'funny' but for the love of god, imagine your current loving and supportive partner getting together with the man who abused you for years and the two of them making fun of you together. if i were harley walking in on that scene, i would go fucking nuclear. it's so completely out of touch.

idk what happened in the writers' room during s3, but they displayed absolutely zero understanding of those characters, their relationships, and history. it's like they brought in total strangers to the show who roughly skimmed the first couple eps' summaries and went 'eh, we get the gist'. so disappointing.

#harley quinn tv #harlivy #askbox #text #harley quinn spoilers #harley quinn tv spoilers #my rambles

[direautistichobbit]

The AMAB Blues: On Being Eternally “Questioning”

This essay, or whatever this rambling set of nonsense is, comes with a disclaimer.  That this needs to be expressed in the first place is part of the problem I suppose, but I am getting ahead of myself.

I’m about to talk about an big, messy issue that I have been facing as an AMAB person who is gender questioning.  Currently, I identify as Gender-Fluid; previously, I’ve experimented with Nonbinary and Autigendered.  To be perfectly honest, Autigender is probably the most accurate of those I’ve played with so far but I have to explain enough stuff about who I am that explaining an entire term is more trouble than it is worth, generally speaking.  I’m pansexual, but usually more attracted to femme presenting and directed persons, and I’m struggling to sort out how related to my own personal traumas that is.  None of them were sexual, to be clear.  Thing is that I am an exceedingly sensitive person, and a lot of masculinity is…not inclined towards sensitivity in the majority of Western culture.  You become a target for other masculine people to take out their aggression on to prove to each other how manly they are.  So I’m…always anxious around men.  At least a little.  For someone who is Demisexual, this has made the pursuit of relationships with masculine looking persons challenging.  I’m polyamorus, with all of my partners at long distance (one of them is moving away as I’m writing this, don’t worry, we are fine), I have been looking for people closer by.  It has not gone well.

With that subtext out of the way?   I’m also a white, masculine presenting person that (superficially) resembles something that is cisgendered (not even slightly, I’ve come to realize) and heterosexual (not that either) enough that my “passing” privilege is extreme.  I am neurodivergent (ADHD diagnosed, ASD self-diagnosed and largely agreed upon by past therapists/doctors)  but can mask well enough that I get the “peculiar”and “eccentric” kind of labels before I get the problematic ones.  I am not going to pretend that I don’t have a lot of passive advantages here, nor am I blind to the amount of privilege I possess in the vast majority of social situations.  None of what I am about to say detract from those who don’t have these benefits.  I’m not complaining that the gays are being mean to me; they aren’t.  The majority of them have been nothing but wonderful to me.  I’m talking about the issues I’m facing; I don’t discount the issues that others are facing.  Hopefully that comes across here: I’m not blaming the broader LGBTQ+ community for how I feel, the issues I face, or the circumstances that hurt me.  I am not trying to crowd out other voices; I’m just trying to express my own.

Cool?  Cool.

There are a lot of queer spaces where masculinity is, while perhaps not the enemy, regarded with suspicion.  I don’t blame anyone for that; as I already stated, it’s something I share.  White dudes can get away with literal murder, and I know it.  I’ve read about it.  I’ve become familiar with it.  I own it.  I recognize, and attempt to always dignify, the danger that I represent, in potentia, to a lot of people in the LGBTQ+ community.  I recognize that while my intentions are as fair and honest as I can possibly strive to express, there is no way to prove those intentions without someone having to risk an interaction with me. No one is obligated to provide me that chance to prove myself; no one should be either.  There is no way to say I’m “one of the good ones” and have it be taken at face value; even saying that you are a “nice guy” is a huge red flag just due to the sheer number of bad faith fuck-wits who have purposely and maliciously abused that.  I get it.  I understand it.  I don’t make excuses for it.  I don’t misunderstand it.  I don’t begrudge people for it. That doesn’t stop it from being extremely isolating and dehumanizing at times.  Especially when you aren’t sure if “masculine” or “male” is something you even want to be…because the truth is that I’m not certain that I do. Would I say I am Transfemme?  No…but it’s a question I also go to some lengths to psychologically avoid. 

I don’t try to feminize my voice, even experimentally; hasn’t stopped me saving every TikTok on voice feminization that I have come across.  I’m definitely more curious then I’d like to admit regarding the topic.  I own a few pairs of high heels, but have avoided going any further down that fashion/clothing rabbit hole.  The majority of my friends and partners do not subscribe to gender binaries.  I have a lot of crushes on Transwomen, but not because they are some representation of some fetish; I like them because they are wonderful people that I want to be closer with.  They’re cute and sweet and I just kind of want to get lost in them.  Also, yeah, I follow a lot of Transwomen and Transfemmes on social media.  Yes, I have a beard!  How did you know? I don’t know that the end result of this question is being a transwoman.  I also can’t say that it isn’t.  I just don’t ask the question, deliberately, because I can’t follow through with it.  I’m not in a position to do so and right now I suspect that “Unsure but questioning” is easier to take then “certain but unable”. My ex-wife and I are civil, bordering on friendly…but she is pretty much just slightly better then milquetoast liberal.  Better than average but really bad at questioning her biases or blind spots.  Do I think she would use being Trans against me in terms of custody of our child?  No, I don’t think so…but I also don’t know so.  My daughter is 9.  Am I willing to risk my ex-wife’s inability to emotionally regulate?  This is someone who has wished me dead in front of other (She thought I missed the pick up of our daughter,5~6 at that point, by oversleeping.  It wasn’t even my day to pick her up and she was the one who got the schedule wrong) so her emotional maturity isn’t something I can take for granted.  I have no idea what will or will not set her off. Due to a host of reasons, most of them related to COVID and the movement of Amertican society, I am looking at the possibility of needing to get on disability.  While I am a bit of an ambivert, I have gotten to the point where I don’t trust anyone I don’t know.  Shit is crazy out there.  I am legitimately terrified of anyone having power over me.  It’s complicated, but the short version is that my social anxiety has become legion.  If I move to make any alteration to transition, if that were what I decided I needed, it could affect a disability case to my detriment due to the biases of judges.  It could even affect my ability to get representation.  The madness that is some conservatives' idea of how “easy” the disability process is for their definition of “undesirables” is utterly stupefying, because the reality is much different.  

I live with my parents for a number of reasons.  My mother and father are…progressive, for the most part.  They mean well.  That said, they’re also pretty benignly ignorant about a lot of mental health and social stuff.  Not in a way where I have to avoid topics of conversation or humor them on Thanksgiving to keep the peace, mind you, but in a way where it makes explaining myself extremely tedious and painful.  Like I don’t think they would purposely dead name me or something like that, but my mother is also a very “grounded” person…and hearing her drone on and lecture me about elevated risks in society when I’ve studied them more then she has is a kind of personal hell I struggle to properly articulate.  My mother is my greatest ally and, also, one of the worst burdens on my mental health.  I’d be dead without her but I’m also frequently injured by her.  I survive, a lot of the time, by just laying low.  Restructuring my whole identity isn’t something I can “lay low” with.  

Also, there is a question of if I found out I wanted to be a woman or even just more feminine?  Well, would I look like a feminine person I even wanted to be?  With facial hair, I can pass for a solid version of ruggedly handsome.  I don’t suspect that, even with a more feminine face, there are many versions of femininity that I could pull off nearly as well.  The question of whether it hurts more to be a modestly attractive version of something you don’t want to be or an ugly version of something you do want to be comes up frequently.

So I don’t ask the questions that would give me the answers.  At least, for myself, in my heart of hearts.  Executive function issues can be a blessing in disguise, I suppose, because even in spite of everything I just said?  The question of my gender and how I view it feels pleasantly unresolved to me.  I can see the line of data and evidence, but not come to a conclusion because I haven’t done the work to find out.  I haven’t tried to feminize my voice or my appearance in a meaningful way.  It’s also still functionally unknown, even if highly suspected. Which brings us back to the central issue.

It’s one thing to feel rejected or regarded with suspicion when you are masculine in your presentation, you feel masculine, and you have to navigate the mess left by other masculine people.  It’s another thing to feel rejected or regarded with suspicion when you are masculine in your presentation, but don’t even know if you want to be but don’t feel you have the opportunity to be otherwise.  I feel like I carry the weight of choices I wouldn’t make on behalf of someone I’m not sure I even want to be.  I feel held accountable to things I wouldn’t do and never wanted to be a part of.  Not because I don’t want the consequence of being a male…but because I’m not sure that male is something I want to be.

But I look like I’m male…so they do.

I look through dating profiles of people who interest me.  I never hear back.  Lots of them have phrases about “mostly looking for femmes, but open to anyone!”, so the writing's on the wall when I get nothing but radio silence.  Marking down Non-Binary or Gender-fluid doesn’t functionally matter when your face isn’t the kind of face they are looking to get to know.  When people who I’m interested in talk about not being attracted to “mascs”....I know it’s nothing personal.  It’s not any kind of an attack or dismissal of me as a person.  It’s two people discussing the nature of what they are attracted to, and I don’t begrudge anyone for saying.  In another instance, someone who was local and who I was beginning to flirt with but a halt on everything because...my masculinity got to her.  She wanted time to unpack that.  She deserves it.  I would never want her to feel any kind of way about asking for what she needed.

Irregardless of whom I do or do not “blame” for these situations, even if I blame no one at all, it is still a fucking kick to the guts because I feel stuck being something unwanted.  It makes you question the attraction of the partners you do have; how long until they look at you like everyone else does?  When everyone else they are around or connected to is in some way femme or leaning that way, when do you get cut?  When do you stop being undesired....and it’s easy to question that when you cannot imagine even wanting to be yourself much less next to yourself.  Especially when you feel like that happened before. I was pursuing a woman once.  She was a transwoman.  I thought there was a connection, and she seemed to echo the sentiment.  Some point down the line, she exploded at me.  The reasons are still uncertain; some of it was miscommunication, some of it was some problematic word choices that I will absolutely own*, and some of it I still have no clue.   Whatever her reasons, she called me out as just another fetishist. A chaser.  Accused of creeping on trans-women and following them on social media for some fetishizing reason.  Liking memes and posts on facebook that weren’t mean for “creepy cis men”.  I had been wanting to tell her for a while that I was gender questioning.but never did; I didn’t want her to think I was doing so dishonestly to curry her favor or something.  So I was grappling with feelings that she, without realizing, invalidated. It set me back a lot.. We didn’t have a relationship; there was just some flirting and feeling each other out.  It was still traumatic, because I left the situation feeling as if she needed a reason to purge me out of her life.  She asked me never to contact her again; I’ve honored that, and have no plans to change that face.  I’d be lying, however, if I said that I didn’t want to cuss her out.  It felt she was looking for an excuse to villainize me, and she took the first one she got. She damaged me and my progress with my own identity more then any transphobic half-wit ever could, all for what feels like having some moral high ground.  It took me longer to get to the questions about being Enby or GF because of her.  I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive her for that.  I’ve been phobic about being seen as a “fraud” ever since.  That was approximately 3 years ago. Perhaps more.  It still hurts.  Still feels like what I am going to be seen as the enemy for what I look like, not for what I am. .

Yet, I don’t actually know what I; I avoid asking the question about because opening Pandora’s Box is going to make it twice as bad, if the answer is what it looks like it is, because it won’t change what I am able to do about it.  I feel as if my options are to feel like a pariah and just struggle through it blindly or feel like a pariah after doing personal exploration to discover something that I can’t act on anyway.  I don’t suspect I am alone here.  That’s the thing; I am, comparatively, lucky.  I think I am in a uniquely privileged position to express myself this clearly and this cleanly.  I can speak to this in a way many AMABs don’t get to.  Masculinity is one hell of a double edged sword in Western society; you can do practically anything you want as long as do it without any emotions that isn’t anger, confidence, or grim determination.  If you are married, you can love your wife (and kids) in a noble and detached way.  You can only cry when kids are born, you partner leaves your, you parents die, or you get kicked in the testicles.  Even then it’s treated as suspect.  Everything else is socially and culturally forbidden.  I have enough emotional eloquence that I can express a pain that I suspect many others grappling with yet can barely identify, much less explain.  How do you deal with any of this when you lack the emotional vocabulary to feel half of it?  I can only speculate.

I guess this all leads to one point; your friends who are AMAB, in queer spaces, and are in a continual cycle of gender questioning?  They are probably going through some shit.  Probably a lot of shit.  All the time.  We are stuck in the fringe territory of overlapping identities and we don’t really have any way to go in one direction or the other.   Be gentle with those of us who fall under this banner if you can be. It’s lonely when you can even be yourself with yourself...and you can’t.  You don’t even exactly know who you are, and you end up scared that finding out could destroy you.  So you exist, perpetually, as a reasonable facsimile of who you think you want to be if you are luck...and who you need to be if you are not.

=-= =-= =-= =-= =-=

*For the curious, I used the phrase “pull up your big girl panties” in reference to someone I was dealing with at my job; a client at a day program for adults with developmental disabilities.  The individual in question became a very abusive person during her menstrual cycle, often attacking other clients and becoming extremely aggressive at the slightest annoyance or inconvenience.  Pushing, screaming, trying to bash people with her wheelchair and waiting until people weren’t looking at her to do it. While that behavior was very toxic and frustrating, I didn’t choose a good way to speak about this client, and I will absolutely own that there were better ways to express myself and vent my frustrations.  When the woman I was trying to build a relationship cussed me out on using that phrase, she accused me about talking about my ex-wife in this instance...which I wasn’t.  I have no idea why she thought that.

#amab #gender #questioning #trans #genderfluid #nonbinary #autigender #existential despair #existential dread #trans questioning #gender questioning

[narwhalandchill]

the narwhal and/or childe >:)

where do i even start. my beloved. dearest. just an innocent lovely piece of the vast cosmos. a beautiful creature thats done nothing wrong ever in its life. is it such a crime to be hungry??? to be starving???? looking for a snack perhaps?? are french people really that important in the grand scheme of things?????? 🤔

anyway. like just the fact that this is genuinely the most stunning design this game has ever made for a non-human creature in terms of both visuals and audio (HAVE YOU HEARD IT TALK!??!?!?!?!?!??!! the whale calls the sonar clicks that one borderline growl-like sound at the very beginning of the boss fight its just??? oh my goddddddd). the narwhal is just genuinely breathtaking on that front alone. the boss fight design kinda sucks bc its just swimming away from u all the time i admit that its kinda just wenut but cunty but. i do adore just. watching it move its so ethereal 😭😭

and then theres the small tidbits of lore we have for it and its connection to childe when like. i have an Incredibly specific achilles heel for this kind of eldritch being (utterly alien but nonetheless not malicious in its true intent; simply comprehending the world at a completely different scale than the small creatures that fall on its path) and ESPECIALLY any sort of destined link and bond between such creatures and a mortal and like. this trope has been a thing for YEARS for me. and then its fucking happening for the character thats been the most rent free for me in all the time ive played genshin????? oh yeah its so fucking over im in love with the narwhal. like its creating a world!??!?!?! its creating an entire world inside its stomach!???? to create a world it could protect from the cold unfeeling universe for good???? after its entire existence has been defined by a lonely voyage through the cosmos witnessing the rise and inevitable fall of world after world??? and all it could do is weep ceaselessly for each and every one????? HELLO???????? im going to start a cult

also ngl just the sheer fact that its. well. a whale. is also just an emotional 1hko bc like that is Very much an animal where it inherently adds this weight of their sheer size and age and intelligence that makes this little human Feel things. so like. yea the narwhal has a fuckload of things going for it and thats why it just instakilled me and now its just. my beloved. if ajax is my parasocial comp het boyfriend the narhwal is my non gender specified all devouring eldritch wife yes that makes perfect sense dont question this. thank youuuuu. yes watching them beat the shit out of each other in the cutscene (and knowing it went on for 45+ days before that) was very conflicting because of that. why are you fighting we should kiss 😭 im super normal as you can see.

it does rly depress me that in the AQ the narwhals general significance was ultimately just sidelined and turned into an afterthought both in terms of what it is as an independent thinking and feeling individual as well as just. the way hoyo rly didnt expand on ajax' connection to it much at all other than introducing the barebones concept. but its STILL the good fucking food to me. its Never been just a pet to me even if to 99% of the fandom skirks words will just be forever at face value but. whatever. i will love it even more to make up for thsi injustice🥰

#im glad this was you eitan i think i fucking lost it. mightve scared off any other asker for good JKWJKDWJKAJAWJWDJKWDKJAWDJKDWJK #this ended up a general ramble lmao. ty for coming to my ted talk i love the narwhal smmm and like. hoyo. hoyo. give us the fucking name #im tired of referring to my beloved with such cruel impersonal phrasing. its ptahur in game files but can you fucking confirm it already #anyway folks do keep sending me more charas if u like!!!!!!! (least desperate) #contrary to general blog content distribution i do in fact have thoughts about the others too wkjdjkjkjkwdkjwkjdwk #asks

[datastate]

do you ever kind of fucking lose it over the sheer amount of things shigeo does for total strangers. taking the time to befriend a traumatized, ill-informed guy whose clearly being manipulated by his boss despite it being the middle of a crisis. saving a bunch of random kids because his brother cares about them. getting hit by a truck for a kid he doesnt know because he doesn't have enough time to use his powers. he's not 100% (heehee) selfless and he constantly does not do things for other people that he could definitely do but there's an emotional aspect to risking yourself for someone you love and an entirely different one for risking yourself for someone just because theyre a person and they dont deserve this

it's genuinely one of the most appealing parts of the series!!! shigeo's still young, but it's because he's been shaken to the reality of what his powers are capable of so early on that he ends up. taking this responsibility in crisis. he's doing what he can to prevent destruction/death (without using his powers on living beings, because he considers that in itself. dangerous), and will show people the destruction they've brought as well. not in a malicious way, but because he is giving them the benefit of the doubt that they don't understand the gravity of misuse.

many of the other espers them are reluctant to admit this because they've already experienced isolation due to their powers and have found relief in being able to show that. you can see the catharsis at shigeo's breaking point in the mogami arc -- finally reclaiming this and feeling justified in it at this point. my words may be a bit messy here & i apologize, but. i really loved this arc for how painful it was to watch by comparison to what shigeo actually wants. and it was very interesting to me seeing that it's not just his memories of the people he personally cared for that brought him back, but what brought him here at all: "i came here to save someone" ... that moment brings back the heart he tried so hard to keep, even when his classmates wouldn't bother with him. he instead directed it to other living beings whose provocation he could understand - and because he now understands that this reality was intentionally meant to provoke him, that's when he understands he's the same as other human beings in justifying his right to exist. everyone is trying to guarantee their safety; the ambitious see safety as 'power' and others may see safety as 'apathy' ... but granting someone that chance to step into actual safey -- unconditional support -- is incredibly important for setting that first stone of a new path that doesn't rely on violence to guarantee it. and with all he's gone through, he's been forced to save himself from the brink of that, too. re-realize that acting upon violence would begin to carve into his personal bonds as well. it goes against what reigen asked of him, and it would force ritsu to relive the pain mob put him through with the added fear of his intention.

just! ahhh, this is specifically within the context of mp100's message, some parts i find to be a bit more difficult to apply on a large scale -- but again, this is an anime meant for younger audiences and it does so, so well at conveying the importance of having that stance that ignorance is one of the main causes of interpersonal conflict. whether it's willing or unwanted, that's what a lot of the antagonists end up confronting ... or even force shigeo to acknowledge!!

i was surprised (in a good way!) when i first realized that ritsu was going to be the antagonist, especially because it put his kindness toward shigeo in a new light that is really valuable for both of them! it plays into a fear that both of the kageyama kids have, and having ritsu admit that aloud finally gave them both a chance to. acknowledge this and work toward finding a healthy balance again. he'd seen proof of shigeo's improvement when fighting suzuki, managing to control its extreme when he recognized ritsu was afraid of seeing him fall to that psychic overdrive. &... in a weird sense, i feel like ritsu would be relieved seeing that mob's final psychic overdrive wasn't merely the cause of stress, but near-death; an uncontrollable situation where something had to take hold to make sure shigeo survived. this was a sudden shock to shigeo's whole that forced him to confront the internal conflict quickly instead of that slow process of reconnecting with that part of himself; & ritsu now has the power to help shigeo. not defend himself, but extend what he'd been asking for so long & never pushed mob to confess: is something wrong ?

i am getting. a bit off-track but just. handshaking you. this series is so, so good and i love the connections they manage to find and keep after battles. shigeo is such a good character for this because he carefully balance's a child's hope for others along with confronting the results of his own psychic breakdown, leading him to a much wiser position of how to help other people realize their own naivete;;

#SOMETIME... WE SHOULD TALK ABT MP BECAUSE. RAHHH #it's really good. it's a minor interest atm but it's So so good TT_TT & I LIKE HEARING YOUR THOUGHTS ON THINGSSS... the few chances we get #mp posting #ask #friends #dysaniadisorder

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hi. I know this doesn’t fall under the purview of sex ed, but google hasn’t been helpful and I feel like I’m going insane. I have a history of anxiety and mild paranoia and I feel like I’m blowing this out of proportion.

I take walks regularly in the same park. For the last couple months I’ve seen the same guy riding his bike there - youngish looking, I thought maybe he was a kid from the nearby high school or community college. He would sometimes yell something at me as he rode by, but i wear headphones so I didnt hear it. The last time i saw him, i actually took off my headphones and he was talking about bear tracks in the woods and offered to show them to me, which I declined and kept on about my business.

Last night, he actually got in my way, got off his bike, bowed to me and called me madam and offered me a rose. I told him i didnt want it and that this was weird, and he basically begged me to take it and started trying to play everything off like “oh I just picked a rose and thought it would be nice to give it to someone and well I saw a pretty girl and thought it should be for you.” And then rode off on his bike. I had to call my girlfriend to walk home cause I was afraid he was going to follow me.

Is this actually as creepy as it feels? Do you have resources you can direct me to for how to like. Deal with these sort of incidents? I’m 23 and I’ve never had anything remotely like this happen before. Thanks for your time, and I’m sorry, I know this isn’t the sort of ask you’re used to answering.

I mean yeah it sucks and that's annoying and unsettling even if he doesn't have any malicious intentions (which he almost certainly doesn't; the vast majority of men who do shit like this are normal dudes who just. don't realize how it comes across). it would rattle me for sure and we all know I'm an unflappably heartless bitch.

love that you made it 23 years without a dude being a pest to you while you're trying to mind your own business; congrats on that. as someone who's drawn a truly insane amount of street harassment due to the part of town where I live and work and the sheer amount of time I've spent on public transit, I recommend getting really comfortable avoiding eye contact, keeping your gaze straight ahead, and either fully fucking ignoring problem guys or getting real comfortable making them uncomfortable. say no, keep walking, headphones back in immediately if you took them out at all ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[survivoirs]

@piratress  asked: [ CHALLENGE ]:    in a motion designed to challenge the receiver’s authority, sender pins receiver against the wall.

Izzy had perhaps been feeling a bit paranoid about the way Lucius was scribbling into his notebook. Perhaps more than a bit. He got like this at times. Stress. Not enough sleep. His headaches. He didn’t know. Anyone else might have just assumed the scribe was catching up on the events of the day that he’d been unable to document earlier. Izzy on the other hand, assumed more malicious intent surrounding his own presence below deck. As if the words were about him. Maybe they were, maybe they weren’t. He was determined to find out and ease his mind regardless. Not even out of ego reasons. Sometimes it just felt like everyone was out to get him.

Boots thudded against the floorboards as he closed the distance between himself and Spriggs. Without a word, Hands snatched the book right out of Lucius’ hands to try to read it. “What the hell are you—“

His words were cut off with how quickly Lucius reacted. Hands gripped at his shirt to spin them and shove him up against the wall. The first-mate looked beyond surprised by this.“This log is for the captain’s eyes only unless he or I choose otherwise.”

Izzy instinctively tried to step forward and away, only to be met with a forearm across his chest to pin him there harder. Izzy actually whimpered quietly, eyes wide and pupils growing in size. “What—fuck…” he stammered quietly, their faces close enough he could feel Lucius harsh breathing against his skin. Stunned, he stopped breathing, as if that would clear his head. Or if he breathed the other man in he might lose his mind. A moment passed before Izzy took in a breath as he’d felt the start of feeling light headed. His senses came back a bit and his face was pink. No. He still felt dizzy. But not like how he got at times. He felt dizzy in an almost good way being this close to Lucius. Which made no fucking sense considering what the man had just done.

In a few seconds that felt like minutes, Izzy’s gaze had hovered over the man’s lips. He’d done it before but this was the first time he truly realized he was. Felt the butterflies in his stomach. It made him forget he was supposed to be angry for a moment. Lucius’ lips look surprisingly soft. No. Fuck no. What the— His thoughts cut off at the realization and sheer panic spread across his features. “F-fuck. I’m sorry. Fucking take it,” mumbled Hands, shoving the book into Lucius’ chest as he was finally able to get his wits about him to shove the man back enough to slip out. Izzy’s foot caught on Lucius’s and he tripped forward and down onto his knees for a moment before scrambling back up to hurry up the steps to the upper deck in the dark.

#Pete’s been teaching him some things 😂 #or Ivan idk #MESSY AF #answered. [ ask and ye shall receive ] #piratress #mobile formatting #so idk what this is gonna look like rn lol. #threads. [ or god as far as you're concerned. izzy ]

[deputystakes-a2]

@deputyfangs said, but, you know, at any point, when you were looking at that gun thug, did you see your daddy’s face?   /   not said as an insult, said moreso out of concern

this messiah needs watching. ashley’s entire career in the united states slayer corps had been built upon this—a sheer hatred. a wrath which he had inherited from jeremiah, the man whose sins he was forced to pay for.  ( he often paid in blood. that was jeremiah’s religion. that was his worship. fists which beat him battered blue. )  of course he saw jeremiah’s face on the faceless targets at the range. of course he saw his father’s face on the gun thug, on every target he was cleared to take down. of course, of course, of course.

christian looks at him with a certain kind of sorrow.  ( if christian were a man of faith, he might pray for him. god knows who else would. )  he looks at ashley with something deeper than pity, deeper than concern. ashley wants him to look away. he hasn’t said he could look.  ( ashley’s youth had been shattered into a thousand jagged pieces by jeremiah’s fist and boot. irreparable damage had been done. but when the light caught the glass just right, it looked less like a massacre; more like something you could find your religion in. the angels had a thousand terrible eyes. divine beauty tended to err on the terrible side. )  christian looks at him, and suddenly, his empty apartment feels too cramped. his words aren’t malicious in their intent, but he goddamn wishes they were. malice, he could work with. malice, he knew. but ashley didn’t know what to do when he wasn’t aching. he didn’t know what to do when he wasn’t being struck. a dog of war backed into the corner. a dog of war who’s been kicked too many times. you take away his will, his wrath, and you’re left with a pathetic desperation for violence.

christian knows better than to come any closer.

            “i did.”  he tips back the rest of the bourbon in his glass, creekwater eyes wincing.  “i did—i always fucking do.”

this messiah needs watching. this messiah is about to break. this messiah has made a slaughterhouse out of a bone-white afternoon.  “i can’t help it, he just—”  they both know who he’s talking about. when he looks into the mirror, he sees not himself, but the lamb his father slaughtered. jeremiah haunts him. jeremiah is the poltergeist tearing his childhood home apart.  “i wanted to kill him, when i got out.”

in the corps, he thought it through a million times. in the corps, he thought about using a knife. he thought about the scar, the stitches, the blood. solitary tear dares to streak down his cheek. it catches the light. it catches his scar. “but someone fuckin’ beat me to it.”

#ARC.ㅤFATE’S RIGHT HAND. #WRI. #deputyfangs #normal abt this

[xmystophalesx]

Best New Heavy Metal Releases Weekend of May 20th, 2022

This week the list is pretty long and as such I have decided not to write about EVERY two star album. I am feeling like my posts are getting too long but if you all reading this prefer that I talk about each highlight album then just let me know.

I guess if this week had a theme, it would be about preconceived notions and how you can still be surprised by music even after 4 decades of being a fan of Heavy Metal. I mentioned that I thought these posts were getting too long so let me quit wasting time and get to the highlights.

Cave In-Heavy Pendulum (Heavy/Sludge/Post)**

The mark of good music is when it challenges your preconceived notions of what it should be. This album does exactly that. This isnt normally a genre I really get into but this and the Goblin album from last week may be changing that in the future. The songwriting here is incredible and the sheer good time the Goblin album conveyed last week has shown me a different side of this genre that I really enjoy. Even if you think you may not like something based on genre, give it a shot, you never know as it may surprise you.

Helsott-Will and the Witch (Melodic Death)**

Ever thought to yourself “I really love Viking/Folk/Death Metal but I wish there was an old western them running throughout.” Yeah, me neither but the guys in Helsott thought so and created an album you never knew you you wanted but damn if it doesnt actually work. Strike another blow for preconceived notions.

Sadistic Ritual-The Enigma, Boundless (Thrash)**

Nothing fancy or incredibly inventive here but what you do have is some damn fine Blackened style Thrash Metal. Not everything needs to reinvent the wheel. Sometimes its enough that what you do, you do extremely well and Sadistic Ritual do this genre extremely well.

Septicflesh-Modern Primitive (Symphonic Death)**

Man, this album just sounds HUGE! The production is absolutely flawless on this album. I have come back to this album multiple times this weekend, There is so much going on here and you simply can not take it all in at once. Add to this that it all works together so incredibly well and you have a master class on songwriting. As far as Symphonic Death Metal goes it simply does not get better than this.

Crossbones’ Creed-Artificial Soul (Hard Rock)**

Ahhhhh preconceived notions. If I told you there is a Hard Rock band from Sochi, Russia, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Whatever it is, it isn’t going to be followed with super high levels of anticipation. Well, fuck me running is this album ever good. It has so much crossover appeal if mainstream radio actually played anything new, this album would absolutely blow up. It really is that damn good.

I’ll stop there for this week and just remember what I said about preconceived notions. Until next week and, as always,

BANG THY HEAD!!!

Iris-Nelu-Dumitrescu-Zodiac (Heavy/Hard Rock)*

Metaltouch-Zero Radicalism (Thrash)

Caelus-The Voyager Pt.1 (Melodic Death/Power)*

Horn-Verzet (Black/Folk)*

7 Almas-Undone (Hard Rock)

Romulox-The Three Kings (Heavy)

Lonerider-Sundown (Hard Rock)*

Volturian-Red Dragon (Symphonic Heavy)

Ibridoma-Norimberga 2.0 (Heavy Power)

Symphonity-Marco Polo: The Metal Soundtrack (Symphonic Power)

Malevolence-Malicious Intent (Melodic Death/Metalcore)*

Run Chicken Run-Kill the Coffee (Hard Rock)

Anvil-Impact is Imminent (Heavy)

Coreleoni-III (Heavy/Hard Rock)

Cave In-Heavy Pendulum (Heavy/Sludge/Post)**

Sadist-Firescorched (Progressive Death)*

Psycroptic-Divine Council (Technical Death)**

Wallfahrer-Den Menschen So Fern (Black)*

Sands of Eternity-Beyond the Realms of Time (Power)

Spheric Universe Experience -Back Home (Progressive)*

Fosk-Apokatastasis (Black)**

Helsott-Will and the Witch (Melodic Death)**

Maniac Abductor-Damage is Done (Thrash)

Sadistic Ritual-The Enigma, Boundless (Thrash)**

Septicflesh-Modern Primitive (Symphonic Death)**

Cities of Mars-Cities of Mars (Doom)*

Dark Archive-Reunite the Darkness (Death/Black)

Gorthrim-Yggdrasil (Melodic Death)*

Hexing-Welcome to Salem (Theash)*

Dark Archive-Reunite the Darkness (Black/Death)

Provectus-Postero Mundi (Black)

The Heroine-Out For Blood (Hard Rock)

Indren-Of Time and Autumn Leaves (Black)**

Pater Tenebrarum-Of Gods and Madmen (Melodic Death)**

Tito Falaschi-Mirror of Souls (Power)*

The Great Divide-Higher (Hard Rock)

Sisyphean-Colours of Faith (Black/Death)

Crossbones’ Creed-Artificial Soul (Hard Rock)**

All worthy of a listen if you like the genre

*= standout in that genrettfffpn

**=best of the week regardless of genre

Thought most of the weekend Septicflesh would take it but pick of the week goes to Crossbones’ Creed at the wire with 5 lazy bulldog high fives out of 5.​

#black metal #metal #music #classic rock #folk #hard rock #hardcore music #rock #death metal #punk #melodic death metal #heavy metal #heavymusic #heavyrock #traditional metal #melodic black metal #youtube #extreme metal #melodic death #melodic metal

[silviakundera]

Look, I know The Untamed has THE LONGING and I love it too, but we all gotta accept that the MDZS novel is unmatched because, my dudes, WWX defeats the villain by sabotaging his homophobia.

I know we joke (and we SHOULD) about jgy the shipper et etc but in the end, it's whimsical humor.

In the scene where jgy has our heroes trapped, held hostage, and villian monologues about poor Lan Wangji's unrequited gay love...

All this fake sympathy for LXC's brother is 100% bad intent: he's revealing a "dirty secret" to the hostages & Jin minions about his biggest threat (the biggest fire power) that would stain lwj in the eyes of the sect world. A secret that might repulse wwx when laid out publically - make him let down lwj easy at best.

(Recall, jgy is THAT GUY who killed his own infant son out of fear of public disdain.)

What is actually happening here is that he's trying to shame them. Just like how he attacks JC in another scene, destabilizing him w his words, and plays mind games w LXC. JGY's greatest weapon in his persuasion and narrative building. His words are just as much of a weapon as the string he slides around wwx's neck.

But none of this plays out the way jgy expects it to AT ALL. He sees it going weird, kinda sideways, but is completely unprepared for what actually happens.

Which is a key component of the humor. But also a fucking AMAZING climactic moment for a novel that has reminded the reader and the characters over and over that they exist in a homophobic society where tainted public reputation and rumors can have violent, deadly consequences.

And what does wwx do in the face of that? Before jgy can start in on lwj w his word knives, wwx SCREAMS that he wanted to have sex with the man who was just maliciously outed. Like, yelps it at the top of his lungs

He grasps what the villian is trying to do and turns it on its head. He takes the power of the moment back. You want to other, to humiliate, and to degrade Lan Wangji? Figuratively and LITERALLY taking his power away? Well, fuck you. Actually we had. sex. MAN ON MAN SEX. AND I WANTED IT. AND ILL DO IT AGAIN.

The power of this wholesale rejection of jgy's narrative, the sheer audacity of this gay pride rant, stuns & unhinges the master of whispers and wwx springs free from the trap.

The novel doesn't allow us to forget about the othering that WWX/LWJ have just experienced. They are seated away from everyone else, people are uncomfortable around them.

This only underscores how absolutely badass it was. And how irrevocable. It forshadows what is to come, as they continue to express affection off on their own side, before "eloping" on their own at the end. (The only reason drama!LWJ can BE Chief Cultivator is that this scene never happened.)

But novel wwx and lwj don't gaf. And that's how they win. They craft their happy ending regardless of their society's prejudices -- you can't erase them but you can refuse to let them change you, quiet you, isolate you. You can build your own patchwork families and proudly love who you love.

#someday i will write my essay #about lwj and his closet #somedaaaaay #i have a lot of thoughts #anyway wwx said were here #were queer #get over it #i love that 4 him #mdzs #wangxian #wei wuxian #wei wuxian: sjw of my ❤ #mo dao zu shi #mtxt