#just need to get this stuff off my chest as well

[bunnys-kisses]

swordsman

roronoa zoro

cw: pwp/smut, possessive!zoro, rough sex, outdoor (ship) sex, jealous!zoro, nipple/breast play

bunny says: like the fic? leave a comment! really love the fic? suggest your own!

zoro didn't mind many things. he was preoccupied with other things to focus on the specific details of the day to day of the ship. but the one thing that set him off was quite simple.

the sight of another man flirting with his girl.

while he didn't mind for the most part when sanji did it, but when it was strangers that luffy was showing good graces too. that was not acceptable. luffy had let these pirates on board and while you were helping them move their stuff, the men's gazes lingered on your backside as you walked past.

it made zoro tighten his grip on his swords before he came over to be your shadow to keep men like that away. he put a hand on your hip and leaned down to kiss you on top of your head.

"what's goin' on, zoro?" you asked as you looked up at him, but was just met with another kiss. zoro was rarely affectionate in front of others. he never saw the need to perform romance in from of others.

"want to make sure you're alright." he nodded as he pulled away marginally. his hand lingered for a moment before he continued to follow you.

you chuckled, "oh now you're worried i can't handle things." you put down what you were carrying and pinched your lover's cheek. then leaned up into a kiss.

"i don't like how they're lookin' at ya." he said as he wrapped his arms around you. he pushed you into his chest, strong arms protected you as he looked over your head to glare at their vistors.

you held onto the front of his top and smiled into his warmth, "oh, zoro." you chuckled, "i can handle them if they got too handsy." then looked up at him with a smile, "plus, i don't want anyone else."

his hand reached down to your ass and gave it a firm grab and chuckled darkly when you yelped. jealousy boiled up into his chest as he gave the other men one last look.

he then said to your quietly, "meet me in the crow's nest after dinner."

you giggled into your hand as he walked away. what a possessive swordsman, you thought. it was like he staked claim on you and has not let any man outside of the crew talk to you.

you knew their gazes were lingering, but you thought it was something to be proud about. to know that you still got it. you turned back to your guests and led them to where they'd be staying tonight.

and yes, their gazes were on your behind as you brought them through the ship.

-

after dinner, the sun was still out. the days were longer now, which meant that when zoro started to undress you in the crow's nest. there was a glow to your skin by the late afternoon light.

his hands were on your breasts as you were straddling his waist. you had to attempt to be quiet as he gave slow licks to your sensitive nipples.

"you think you can let them look at ya like a piece of meat?" he grumbled against your skin, "that's my ass they're looking at."

you pulled on his green hair and made his eyes meet yours, "you mean it's my ass."

he shoved his head back between your breasts and replied, "what's yours is mine." his large hands felt up your breasts and tugged on your nipples playfully while he gave the flesh well deserved attention.

"you're such a brat." you grumbled as you touched his hair some more. you felt warm from his touches, those strong fingers massaged the tender flesh of your breasts.

it wasn't long before he grew bored of simple kisses and laid out out in the crow's neck and started to undress you further. it was your little getaway from the crew, the only place that you could have some privacy and get intimate.

"you look good." he praised. his hands traveled your sides towards your hips, "too good."

you reached out for him and pulled yourself up by his shoulders to kiss him. your arms held onto his shoulders as he wrapped his arms around your back to keep your supported.

he was so strong, it was admirable. even though he could be a bit harsh. he was your strong swordsman, despite the streak of possessiveness.

"don't worry." you whispered in his ear, "i'd only ever want you." then he put you back down on the floor of the nest. he man handled you onto your hands and knees with your face pressed against the wood. he rubbed his cock up against your slick entrance. he sighed at the feeling of your pussy.

he was never a man to crumble to his knees, but the feeling of your sweet cunt had his mind going blank. he groaned to himself as he teased your slit, the feeling left a thumping in his veins. he knew his face was flushed, and you knew if you were looking at him, you'd notice it too.

"how does it feel?"

"if you're going to keep teasing me, i'm going to explode." you grumbled into your arms as you used them to cushion your face. you inhaled deeply when he slipped his cock into you.

you both hissed together as he bottomed out into you. his cock reached as far as it would go. you clawed into the floor of the nest as you tried to relax your body to accommodate his size.

"yeah... shit." he grumbled to himself as he started to rock against you. his thrusts were strong and methodical. you could feel your heart in your throat as he fucked you up in that crow's nest.

"shit. please. zoro." you groaned as you back arched. the sounds of your bodies coming together filled the air and a part of zoro hoped that your guests for the night could hear the both of you.

they didn't need to be staring at what he owned.

he held you hips as he moved you back and forth on his cock. it was so much easier in that position. it let the green-haired man bury his cock as deep as he needed to be.

you tried to meet his pace as you worked together to make each other feel good. your moans were higher pitched, and it made zoro quite happy. he hoped that bastards could hear you.

"feels good." you grumbled against the floor.

zoro grabbed your ass cheek and then gave is a quick smack in a teasing manner, "i'm glad. i want to make you feel good." he was hunched over you, sweat made his muscle glisten in the afternoon light.

he was encouraged by your noises. he wanted to see how quickly he could get you to orgasm. to watch you fall apart while he speared his cock into you. it made him hot all over as he continued to thrust his cock in and out of your sweet cunt.

"you're mine." he growled.

"yes." you panted, feeling in an altered state with the rush of pleasure through your body. a part of you got off to the idea of zoro being your possessive shadow. such a strong man paired with someone like you.

you weren't defenseless, your abilities allowed you to be a valuable asset. but to have your physically imposing boyfriend fuck you like your lives depended on it. it was a euphoric rush that left you gasping and moaning as he drilled his cock into you.

"please, zoro."

"i got you." he said as he felt close to his climax. he could tell from your short words that the pleasure had muddled your brain. he worked your body quickly.

your eyes felt like they were going to roll back into your head. your heart raced and your body, despite cramped in the crow's nest, felt electrified with pleasure.

with a few more heavy thrusts he finished inside of you. you clenched around his cock and finished as well. zoro put you onto your back and leaned over you.

he smiled down at you like a madman, there was no stopping him. you wrapped your arms around him and pulled him in for a heated kiss. there was no stopping you either.

-

the next morning your guests left the ship when you hit land. you hobbled around the ship as there was a 'pain' in your back. everyone knew what happened in the several hours you were in the crow's nest.

you tried to play it off, but zoro put an arm around you and puffed his chest out with pride. he fucked you repeatedly, he made you squirm and moan. and nobody was taking his girl away, ever.

#bunny writes #reader insert #zoro smut #roronoa zoro #one piece zoro #zoro #zoro roronoa x reader #roronoa zoro smut #one piece x reader #one piece x you #one piece smut #anime smut #anime x reader #op x reader #op smut

[whatdoidosatoru]

Megumi Fushiguro X Reader flufffffffrhehwhsywuh

in which reader gets their period and megumi comforts them and tries to help with the pain

cw: swearing, periods, pain, painkillers

wc: 1952

“I know you took my hoodie, why are you always taking my stuff?!”

Megumi’s voice came from the hallway, spilling into my bedroom through the door that was now almost thrown open. I should've known this would happen, mainly because I did actually do what I was being accused of.

My roommate was completely in the right to look to me for his ‘lost’ stuff because I was the one who did the laundry for both of us and sometimes … it just happens. He's insanely gorgeous and smells heavenly so sometimes I just…swipe one of his hoodies off the pile and stash it under my pillow.

If sniffing my crush’s clothes is a crime then send me away, I guess.

But this time I didn't expect him to be so…angry because of it. I was currently in a foetus position, trying to make the period pain go away - but to no avail - and tears were already streaming down my face.

The last thing I needed to add to the pile was being yelled at.

As soon as he walked into my room, all menacing with his dark scowl, he noticed the state I was in and his attitude changed.

“What happened?” His voice suddenly soft, with a twinge of sadness.

I couldn't trust my voice so I just pointed towards my stomach. His eyes followed where I was pointing and, when it clicked, his mouth formed a little surprised o. He shuffled his weight awkwardly.

“Well, did you take my hoodie?” The accusation now sat in the air a little bit softer than before.

I slowly reached under my pillow and grabbed the cursed hoodie and handed it to him.

“The smell of it calmed me down.” I squeezed it out through my teeth, voice broken from straining out my silent sobs for an hour.

He carefully approached the bed and took it from my hand, suddenly not seeming very keen on taking it back from me.

"Why?” He was never a man of rambling. Most of our conversations were to the point, no additional information on his side.

I simply shrugged, not in the mood to start explaining myself. His gaze landed on the bottle of water and an empty pack of painkillers next to the bed and worry clouded his eyes.

He sat on the edge of the bed, like he didn't know what to do next. Some part of him seemed to want to help me, but didn't know how.

“What's wrong? Can you speak?”

I swallowed hard and through another sob explained, “Got my period today.”

He nodded, realising he could not help me in this predicament, but still wanting to try.

“Anything I can do?”

I shrugged again, not wanting to inconvenience him by asking him to punch my uterus out of my body or to joke about getting me pregnant so I can be at peace for a little while. In a small voice I braved myself to ask for one favour.

“Could you maybe rub my back a little?”

That seemed to not surprise him much, and he leaned over across me to place his warm hand on my lower back and slowly rub in circles.

“Is this okay?”

His voice was soft and soothing now. Like he lowered it to not upset me. I nodded to answer his question so he continued what he was doing. My sobs were getting fewer and far between so he figured whatever he was doing was helping at least a little bit.

“Is it okay with you if I lie down next to you to do this?”

In normal circumstances, his asking me to lie down with me would've sent me into a frenzy. I would've screamed from the top of my lungs and danced in the rain at the proposal. But now I was barely able to squeeze out a pathetic little ‘yes’ and watch him slowly move me closer to the wall so he could lie down in front of me.

My face was an inch away from his chest and his arm was practically hugging me to reach my back. Yes, I was definitely counting that.

He wasn't a man that showed affection often, so this act of kindness took me by surprise, but I'd be damned if I showed it. Nothing could get in between me and this moment of closeness with him.

“Is this okay?” Hearing his voice so close felt almost illegal. He was speaking into the top of my head and I'd stopped sobbing a while ago.

I felt brave enough to shimmy a little closer to him so our legs were fully touching and he didn't pull away, that was a win.

Our faces were uncommonly close, his lips in line with my forehead. I could feel his breath on my nose and cheeks. He smelled of our fabric softener with a dash of his cologne, all mixed with his natural body scent and it felt so intoxicating I couldn't move, think, or speak.

Realising I didn't answer, I quickly cleared my throat and managed a weak ‘yeah’. Megumi didn't seem eager to leave. He let the silence take over as my thoughts were racing, none of them loud enough for me to register it, just a constant buzzing in my ears.

“I'm assuming you already took painkillers, right?”

His voice was low, but authoritative. I mean, of course I took painkillers, but If I hadn't, I would've done just that specifically because he asked.

I nodded and tried to explain, “Yes, they don't always work, though.”

He hummed at my answer.

“Did you want me to get you a hot water bottle?”

I was surprised at the amount of care he showed me, at best I expected a pat on the back and a disinterested ‘there there’.

I swallowed hard.

“Please just … stay here for a bit. Didn't have the time to get one, I nearly fainted in the shower so I hurried to bed.”

He nodded, “I see.”

There was worry in his voice. Along with his calm demeanour, it was more comforting than a warm blanket and a cup of hot tea.

I wasn't sure if I was delirious with the stabbing pain that made me want to rip out my uterus and beat it to death, but it felt as though Megumi rested his lips on my forehead. When the feeling lingered, I realised his lips hadn't moved - he was definitely kind of kissing my forehead. What?

My heart started pumping faster. The buzzing in my ears cleared up a little and I could hear him take a deep breath and exhale into my hairline.

“I'm really sorry you feel like this.” His sentiment caught me off guard.

“I'm mostly used to it.” I regained the use of my voice a bit more already.

“That's even worse, I should've at least got you some chocolate.” He sounded upset with himself.

“Not being funny, Fushiguro, it's not like I'm advertising the fact that my uterus is tearing itself apart from the inside.”

“I'm sorry I snapped at you earlier.”

I scoffed quietly, I didn't want him to apologise just because I was in pain and most likely dying.

“I'm serious. It's just been a long day and … I don't mind you actually taking my hoodies, I just wanted to know it wasn't lost or something.”

Okay then, that was different…

He was softening up.

“I'm sorry for taking it and not telling you.”

“It's fine, don't worry about it.”

What??

I kept quiet because, at this point, I didn't quite understand what was going on. There was a non-zero chance that this wasn't ‘my’ Megumi, but a shape shifter or some kind of a doppelganger.

“Thank you for staying here with me.”

He tried to cover up a soft chuckle.

“I don't mind.”

Megumi let out a long sigh and continued, “I do actually care about you, you know? I'll stay with you throughout the night if you'd like.”

I let out a surprised giggle.

“Careful, Fushiguro. Those are the kinds of words that make girls fall in love with you.”

I couldn't believe I just said that. I should NOT have said that oh no.

That was a risky sentence and I might have revealed my true feelings to the man that would never bother with me and I had to continue living with him.

Fortunately, he chuckled at the words.

“Are you speaking from experience?” He asked jokingly.

I decided to keep quiet at that. Maybe he'd drop it.

Unfortunately for me, he persisted.

“Well?”

Fuck.

“What?” I resorted to playing dumb.

“Are you trying to play dumb?”

What the fuck? How was he this observant now, when before, I tried to start something by walking around in nothing but oversized T-shirts and underwear…Now he decided to pay attention to me.

“Uh, I didn’t catch the question, sorry.”

A sigh from his end.

“Yes, you did.”

Alright then, Mr. Attitude.

“That’s not my name.”

It took me longer than I care to admit to realise I said that last bit out loud. I started giggling, unfortunately, every movement caused another jab of pain in my abdomen so I groaned out and pressed on it tighter.

Megumi looked down at me, sighed, and pressed me closer to his chest.

“Fushiguro?” I decided in my delirious state that this was the right time to try saying shit I will probably regret tomorrow.

He hummed in response, vibrations from his chest resonating through my head.

“I think I’m dying. If you’re in love with me, better come clean now, or else you’ll regret it when I’m gone.”

I swear I could hear him chuckle, I didn’t make it up.

“You’re not dying, but I do have to admit, I do like you.”

“You whAT?” I almost suffocated myself in his embrace.

He snickered at my reaction.

“You're going to make me say it again, won't you?”

“It concerns me, doesn't it?” I don't know how I found the strength to be sassy at this point. His chest was rising and falling a bit faster now.

“I don't know how you didn't get it before, but I like you.”

“I'm sorry, how was I supposed to get that?”

He sighed, “Well I stayed in the living room to chat with you after you came back from work recently, then I made coffee and left it on the counter for you in the morning, and I got your winter coat out of the back wardrobe… I was sure you noticed and didn't say anything because you didn't like me back.”

He fucking what?

“I…that was you making me coffee? I thought I just left it and forgot about it, I'm sorry.”

I'd been dumping them into the sink. Oh god.

He chuckled, not seeming annoyed at that.

“That’s okay, I had a feeling you might not realise it was me who did that. I didn't really know how to approach you with this…issue.”

Whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck?

In hindsight, it might have been the mass amounts of painkillers that made me so calm about this situation. At least outwardly.

“Hey Megumi? Can we talk about this tomorrow?” I felt myself dropping off to sleep. Finally.

“We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to.”

For fuck’s sake, my guy.

“No, I…I like you too, obviously.”

His breath hitched.

“I just want to be fully awake for this, and I'm about to fall asleep.” I was beginning to slur my words already.

He kissed the top of my head and took a deep breath.

“I'll stay here with you while you sleep. We can talk in the morning.”

#i was in so much pain i had to project it onto someone #megumi fluff #megumi x reader #megumi x you #megumi fushiguro #fushiguro megumi #megumi #fushiguro fluff #jjk fluff #jjk fanfic #jjk fic #fanfic #oneshot #whatdoidosatoru

[beatrixstonehill2]

"Marching straight up to this clinic to ask to have my big fat titties get chopped off! I'm so nervous but so excited that I'm finally doing this. I feel lame that I procrastinated this long to finally do it. Every other massive-breasted girl on TikTok is getting reduced for fun or for views! Men just love seeing a giant pair of fat, bloated tits get completely mangled! I've been fantasizing about these big bouncy melons of mine getting totally ruined or chopped right off for years now. It's all I think about when I masturbate.... And having to apologize to men that I have no boobs now as I show them my flat chest and scars, and I'll have to desperately show them my old vids, like "See? I used to be super sexy, just watch these as you fuck me, you should finally be able to cum that way!"

I'm honestly way too hyped.... Seeing Samantha get her LL-Cups reduced to A-Cups last week was the last straw. I'm just saying screw it! I wanna see my boobs get destroyed waaaay too much! I'm addicted to thinking about it. I want to film the whole thing so men all around the world can masturbate to my beautiful, jiggly titties getting taken apart and tossed in the garbage! It's such a dream come true! Oh, and I'm sure more than a few girls like me will find the video super hot..... Rubbing their clits as I smile for the camera, breasts numb, as I nonchalantly talk to the doctor as he dismantles my perfect breasts. ❤️ And they'll hopefully climax when they see him move on from my chest to my pussy. A coy smile on my face as the doctor removes my clit, which I'm definitely going to have preserved and placed in a gemstone to wear around my neck like a lot of girls are doing. Gotta flaunt that I desexed myself, that I only exist to be used for sex, not for my own pleasure. No big sensitive breasts for me to squeeze, no clit for me to rub. I'll be the new definition of an oversexed, cock-slut, fully devoted to male pleasure and not my own. Even if men need old vids of me just to climax, like they do for lots of the girls getting this stuff done.

The temptation is just too much for me to stand any longer. Hopefully they can fit me in this afternoon, since I'm asking so nicely and graciously offering my clit as well, I just know how much these pervy doctors love lopping off sexy girls' clits, especially if the girls beg for it, and I intend to.... "Doctor, please, pleeeease chop off my big fat tits and swollen clit! I want them gone SO bad it aches in my juicy pussy all day long!" Then I'll bite my lip and give him my best cock-worshipping eyes. He'll just have to numb me and get started removing these silly, unnecessary things from my body right away! Wish me luck! I can't wait for you all to see my big bouncy breasts get chopped apart like scraps at a butcher's shop!"

#breast reduction kink #breast removal kink #breast shrinking kink #body modification kink

[oathkeeper-of-tarth]

So, I'm curious: What's your take on Aylin's experience after/if she kills Lorroakan?

Allegedly, there's some information floating around somewhere that said Aylin was angry with Selune after she killed Lorroakan, but I can't find where this info is.

If you saw posts about that here on tumblr it was probably posted by @justanotherignot! I've actually been meaning to gather up all the devnote tidbits about Selûne from Aylin and Isobel for a while now, so thank you for the excuse to do so and ramble a bit.

Player: I was just wondering what it was like in that cage of Balthazar's. Aylin: Let us not dwell on those dark days. Their memory is a vortex within my heart that leads directly to the Hells.

What is happening is, well, it's the century of unthinkable horror catching up to her. It's the Trauma(TM) - in one of the conversation options she's literally triggered by the mention of someone being run through repeatedly! It's the growing awareness that although she's been freed (and possibly reunited with her love), the secret is out and there are always going to be assholes gunning for her, aiming to use her as an "artefact" and power source to fuel their ambitions, without any regard for her, you know... basic personhood and well-being. Also, Lorroakan was blatantly lying. He didn't find any super special way to siphon her immortality with "no harm, no pain of any kind", he was just replicating Balthazar's soul cage (you can even find a letter from Ketheric to him, showing Lorroakan was pestering them).

On to the stuff from the game files! First, the conversation with Aylin directly after the Lorroakan fight in the tower. I'm going to be putting the context notes in square brackets next to the lines they apply to. I also plucked some audio out from the files for some of these because I love the delivery.

Aylin: The fire-haired fool is dead. Yet as I stare upon his corpse, I feel… sadness. Why? [Slow and curious, angry and confused by all that has happened.] Player: What kind of sadness is it? / I know something of sadness - or at least the ballads do. What does it feel like? Aylin: A gripping in the chest. As though I'd lost someone, something. [Lost in thought for a moment; confused.] Aylin: A paladin's fatigue, no doubt. You were excellent in battle, as is your way. And I am proud to fight at your side. [Remembering herself. She is Dame Aylin.] Aylin: I will catch my breath, then to camp I will bring my bones. Moonmaiden be with you. Player: Smiting is a weighty duty - sometimes it can be tiring. / Perhaps smiting has lost its pleasures. Aylin: Say it can't be so. For I am Selûne's sword. And ever must be. [She means it, but on the periphery of her consciousness is a tiny crack. Wondering about her fate.]

The above never fails to get me - she is Dame Aylin! Sword of the Moonmaiden! Glorious immortal paladin, champion of a righteous cause! She smites evil-doers for breakfast, that's, like, her whole thing! What do you mean she can't just pick up where she left off and go about her merry smitey way? What do you mean the thing that is supposed to be the literal core of her entire being (forever) doesn't feel good and glorious anymore, but just makes her feel sad and empty? No, no, no, we can't have that.

Player: One of the greatest tragedies of revenge is that it can only be taken once. / Because you won't get to kill him again? Aylin: Perhaps. Yet if I could run him through a thousand times, I wonder-- [Lost in thought, she's been triggered to remember her own fate being run through over and over.] Aylin: Battle has tired my mind, made me susceptible to flights of fancy. You were excellent in battle, as is your way. And I am proud to fight at your side.

Aylin: I will return to camp shortly. I just need a moment to… to… [Lost in thought.]

She so very desperately needs some rest and a chance to come to terms with everything that happened and that was done to her. And it's clear it's going to be hard because she is defaulting to trying to deny anything is wrong, is clearly trying (and failing) to just be her old self immediately, has blatantly internalised a lot of that classic I Am A Sword stuff on top of everything (even though her mother is huge on free will and choice!), and is just really not well-equipped to handle any of this at all.

Next, this is the post-Lorroakan convo you get if you have both Aylin and Isobel in camp.

Aylin: Ah. Ally mine. We are reunited once more. [Warm, but drained. She's not feeling like herself.] Aylin: I was just regaling sweet Isobel with tales of our prowess. Isobel: Very impressive. Thank you for helping Aylin - that wizard sounded absolutely dastardly. [Good humored. Soft in tone. A little uncertain - she's not sure why Aylin isn't herself.] Player: My pleasure. He had it coming. Aylin: He did, and it came. Now, my friend: bask in your victory. I will do the same. Aylin: But fear not: when the time comes for you to face the foe of foes, Isobel and I will stand by your side. [Rallying her soldierly spirit, but still a little drained.] Isobel: We wouldn't miss it. Not for anything. Aylin: Go well, friend. We will see you soon. And with our great powers combined, this city will be saved. Player: Hopefully he'll be the last. Aylin: There are always more bastards behind bastards. But we will run through them all, each by each.

Player: I hope you can rest easy now, Dame Aylin. Aylin: I always do, with darling Isobel by my side. Aylin: Enjoy the spoils of your victory. Spin memories of Lorroakan's death in your mind like silkfloss.

If Isobel isn't there (meaning she died in Act 2), you get this version:

Aylin: Ah. Ally mine. We are reunited once more. [Warm, but drained. She's not feeling like herself.] Aylin: I was just reviewing our fight against foul Lorroakan; your moves and mine. The victory was soundly won. Aylin: Don't you think? [Uncharacteristically, Aylin is seeking input. She's usually so confident about everything, but killing Lorroakan has not had the intended effect on her.] Player: Indeed I do. Let his demise serve as a warning to anyone else who'd seek you out. Aylin: Let him be the last. If my dear mother has any mercy, she will ensure it. [Trying to stay her usual self, but her mask is cracking a tiny bit here. Privately, Aylin is dealing with a great deal of anger toward her mother, the goddess Selûne, But she's not yet willing to face it. How could her powerful mother let all this happen to her?]

Player: We fought well - though I was a little worried about you afterward, in truth. Aylin: Set your mind at ease, my friend. Dame Aylin is more well now than she has been this past century. [Good humored. Soft in tone. A little uncertain - it's true she's better now than she has been, but why does she feel so shitty, then? (She's in the beginning of reckoning with the trauma of what happened to her).]

Player: I hope you can rest easy now, Dame Aylin. Aylin: Yes. I wish for the very same. Aylin: Enjoy the spoils of your victory. Spin memories of our prowess in your mind like silkfloss.

So, a few things pop out for me here. First, you get the more explicit anger at Selûne if Isobel isn't there, as opposed to the "hahah, I will smite all the bastards who dare come after me, no matter how many there are" line. "How could her powerful mother let all this happen to her?" just... damn, hits hard, even if you subscribe to the theory that Selûne simply could not intervene in the Shadowfell imprisonment beyond sending those poor people whose graves you find in front of the mausoleum.

And here Aylin really lays it on thick with the denial that there's anything wrong at all. Combined with the letter you get from her in the epilogue if Isobel is dead, it just paints such a bleak, sad picture. I can just see her going all out on the Sword of Selûne duty-bound paladin side of things, no rest, no healing, no stopping even for a moment, no dealing with anything at all, from the trauma to the bitterness towards mum. Until whatever horrible breaking point comes, a year or a century from now. The need for Isobel's humanising influence is so clear. I've touched on Isobel's side of things here.

Speaking of having a bone to pick with Selûne, if you're playing as a cleric/paladin of Selûne, you can get some extra very honest dialogue with Isobel in Last Light:

Player: Why has the Moonmaiden waited until now to take an interest in this curse? Isobel: Maybe she was waiting for one of us to find this place ourselves. Free will, and all that.

Isobel: Though if it were my place to ask why she let Ketheric turn; why she allowed this village to rot at his hands - believe me, I would. [A cold edge in her voice]

Player: Are you faring all right? It can't be easy holding a lone candle in such darkness. Isobel: All things with her strength. You know the litany. [A little sarcastically. She's got a bone to pick with Selûne but isn't being too overt.]

Side note: the amount of devnotes for Isobel's lines that say she's delivering them "with swagger" and being "cheeky" makes me smile every time. Love her. Love her snark.

Also, to get it out of the way: no, I'm fairly sure Aylin did not break her oath. I see this brought up a ton and I just see no way for it to be the case. There is nothing to suggest this outside of a wording similarity and it just makes no sense. Girl is clearly some flavour of Oath of Vengeance (she uses Abjure Enemy, so this is the case even mechanically, even though she's obviously an NPC and not a standard player-build paladin) and she killed a very shitty guy who was also explicitly after her in godawful ways. You can do far worse things in the game than her dramatic speech and backbreaker and not break you OoV.

#sorry this took so long! #baldur's gate 3 #bg3 #dame aylin #isobel thorm #lorroakan #datamine #voice lines #audio #i'm stopping myself here but i could go on about this FOREVER #time for the comfort part of the hurt/comfort let's goooooooooo #oathkeeper replies to things

[hazbinfallinginaspiral]

Hey!

Your stuffs cool!

So could you possibly do a Vox X Reader where the Reader is kidnapped?

The reader would have to be like Vox's wife or partner, someone he'd not want to loose of course. You could even do an existing reader theme like Doll, Hacker, Shark, Retro or one of the others you've wrote for before got kidnapped if that helps. I just wanna see your take on Vox coming to save them.

Thanks a lot!

🌸 Anonymous!

Better of Two Evils (Be a Doll AU)

Vox x doll!reader

CW: kidnapping, murder, violence, AU typical events

Vox is mentioned in this one, but he doesn’t really show up. He’s still a bad person and his actions are alluded to, though. He doesn’t come to save you. Sorry.

As consciousness slowly seeps back into my mind, I find myself disoriented and groggy. Blinking against the harsh light filtering through the small, dingy room, I try to make sense of my surroundings. Panic grips my chest as I realize I'm not in my own bed, but rather lying on a cold, hard floor.

Memories flood back in fragments, like pieces of a nightmare that refuse to be forgotten. The last thing I remember is Vox leaving me alone at a party while he went to deal with Valentino who was upstairs, throwing a tantrum in the penthouse.

Struggling to sit up, I'm met with resistance as I realize my wrists are bound tightly behind my back. Fear claws at my throat as I tug fruitlessly at the restraints, the cold metal biting into my skin. “Fuck.” I try to call out for help, but my voice comes out as little more than a hoarse whisper.

Panic threatens to consume me as I survey the room, searching desperately for any sign of escape. The walls seem to press in on me, suffocating in their oppressive closeness. The air is stale and musty, and the silence is deafening.

But then, a sound breaks through the silence—a creak of footsteps approaching from beyond the door. My heart leaps into my throat as the door swings open. Fuck.

"Ah, you're awake," a voice purrs, sending shivers down my spine. It's a voice I recognize, from a man I’d met at one of Vox’s parties. He’d pursue me relentlessly despite Vox’s efforts to be cordial in getting him to leave me alone. I could only imagine why he’d done this to me.

My breath catches in my throat as the man steps into the room, his gaze cold and calculating. "You're probably wondering why you're here," he continues, his voice dripping with malice. "But all you need to know is that you belong to me now."

Terror courses through my veins as I realize the full extent of my predicament. I'm at the mercy of this asshole. “I can’t- I won’t- I…” I’m cut off as the man grips my face tightly, hurting me as he shuts me up.

“Be a doll and shut your pretty little mouth,” he growled. I didn’t react. He scanned my face for any sign that it had worked. When he realized it hadn’t, he let go of my face and shoved me to the ground. “Damn it! Why- I said the phrase, why the fuck didn’t it work?”

“It only-” I broke off with a cough, trying to regain any sense of dignity. It was clear now that the trigger phrase had been his only plan in making me comply. He wasn’t prepared for it to not work. “It only works when Vox says it,” I rasped, watching the man wearily.

“Oh fuck off!” He said, returning his attention to me. He took out a pocket knife and held it to my throat. “If you don’t shut that dumb bimbo mouth of yours I’ll do it for you. I’m not afraid to hurt a pretty doll like you, I know you’ll live.”

“Ha!” I began to laugh, which caused the knife to make a light scratch against my throat. He looked taken aback, giving me my opportunity to make a move. I took my arms from behind my back and shoved him away, revealing I’d undone the bindings a bit ago. They weren’t particularly well done. He was sloppy, an amateur at best. “Let me tell you something, asshole.”

“You can’t do anything to me that Vox hasn’t done first,” I said coldly, bitterly. I wiped the blood off my neck. “You think you’re smooth? You think you’re slick? There’s at least three cameras in this room alone. He knows you have me, he just wants to see how well his perfect little doll can hold up.” I glanced at one such camera and threw up the peace sign, looking very unamused. I turned my attention back to the man in front of me. He’d been trying to attack, and failing. He seemed to have forgotten the fact that Vox didn’t choose just anyone to be so close with, he chose people he knew could handle it. “I think I’m doing well. Points off for the initial panic, though.”

“You- you’re crazy!” The man said, pointing his knife at me again. His grip was loose and he was shaking. Pathetic. I snatched it from him and positioned it at his neck now, pressing it just deep enough to draw a little blood. I’d already healed my own wound. “Fuck- get off me you dumb bitch!”

“No ones going to rescue you,” I said quietly, harshly. A reminder to me more than it was to him. It was only the truth. Vox knew I could handle myself, and he didn’t care how beat up I got in the process, so long as I returned to him at some point. I hated when I got captured like this, because it was always a wake up call. A reminder that Vox didn’t actually care, I was just a toy to him. “Nobody cares enough to save you now.”

He made a noise and I slit his throat. I was tired of looking at his stupid face. I let his body drop to the ground and tossed the knife aside, a disgusted look on my face. I hated Sundays.

Bonus: doll!Reader was actually wrong. Vox panicked when he found out you’d been captured. He was going to rescue you, but he saw who had kidnapped you and decided you’d be fine. He still cares- in his twisted little way. He just can’t show that, because it’d be a weakness.

#hazbin hotel #vox #hazbin hotel vox #hazbin vox #vox x reader #writing #my writing #x reader #be a doll #sorry anon

[hannahssimblr]

“What?”

“I said, you tore me out of this photo. I was there too,” I unpin it and hold it out to point to the crooked edge next to Jen where my eleven year old self once stood, tanned and grinning in red swimming shorts, “There, I was there.”

She looks at it, then me, but says nothing. 

“You can still see my shoulder.”

“Yeah.”

“You tore me out of it.”

Again, nothing. 

I let my arm drop, limply holding the photo between two fingers, speechless I just stare at her as though she might explain herself, give me some reason that makes sense, but she doesn’t, she just stands there chewing on her lip. 

I tug my shoulders sharply toward my ears, “Why did you do that? That was a nice day. We went swimming in the sea, I rescued you from a jellyfish, remember? I grabbed a piece of driftwood and flung it out of the water for you.”

“Yeah,”

“And later your mam brought us back to my house and we had a water fight on the lawn and made ice cream and coke floats,” I hold the photo out to her in a last ditch appeal, “It was a great day.”

“Yeah it was nice, we had fun.” She won’t meet my eyes and looks everywhere but at me, like acknowledgement is unbearable.

“What, Michelle? I don’t get it. What did I do that was so horrible?”

She scoffs and turns away. 

“C’mon, just tell me. I’ve had enough of all this bullshit between us, I’m serious. What is it?”

“Oh come on.”

“No, what?” I toss the photo onto her desk and approach her, my hand on her arm makes her flinch as I spin her to look at me, eyes livid, as I insist upon her, “What?” 

“My God, you’re awful,” she hisses, “Why do you need to hear me saying it? Is it an ego thing? Is it because you’re all single and sad again?”

“What are you on about?”

“You already know what this is all about, it just gives you a thrill to bring it up.”

“No! I don’t know!”

“Oh cop on,” She slaps my hand off her, “That stuff with Holly, you just don’t remember? That’s convenient.”

“Holly?”

“Oh my God,” she tries to twist away from me but I stop her, “What did Holly say to you?”

Michelle glares right into my face with a fury that would make a lesser man cower, but I don’t budge. “Tell me!” 

“That you don’t fancy me,” she grinds out, “and that I’m not even pretty.”

I hesitate. 

She tosses her hand at me and hacks out a laugh, “See, you don’t even deny it.”

“Yeah, I was thirteen and stupid, she was jealous and I suppose I was just telling her what she wanted to hear. Shell!” she backs off and I follow, trying to insert myself into her eye line, “I didn’t mean it, she just didn’t get it, the way it wasn’t like that between us, but I don’t know why she told you that.”

“It’s because she knew I fancied you, and she thought it was funny how you didn’t fancy me back.”

“You don’t know that.”

“You didn’t, you fancied Holly.” 

I sigh, “Holly was… everyone expected that of me.”

“What does that even mean?” 

“She liked me, and she was the sort of girl that all the other boys talked about all the time, I felt like I should just go out with her because it’d be the most normal thing to do.”

“Oh my God, that’s ridiculous.”

“Yeah, I know, but I was still a kid and, I don’t know, you, Jen and I had a good thing going, I just didn’t want to risk ruining it.”

“Well obviously you did, by saying I was ugly and throwing your birthday gifts back in my face.”

“I never said you were ugly, and the birthday gifts… she told me I couldn’t have them because they were from you, but I still liked them! Those pens were better than her gift, you know, I didn’t even like the movie she took me to see,” my attempt at a laugh sounds very weird and tight, “It was actually so shit.”

Michelle is unmoved, with her arms crossed over her chest she says, “You read what I said in the card and you still threw it away like it was nothing.”

“No, I didn’t- I skimmed- I barely read it.”

She reels back like I’ve spit in her face, “Is that supposed to be better?”

I don’t answer. 

“‘Dear Jude,’” She recites, “‘Happy thirteenth birthday! I hope you have an amazing day! I just want to say that being your friend is the best! You’re so nice and funny and talented, I’m glad all of the time that you started going to our school because you make our friend group so much better. I hope you like the gel pens, I know you hate drawing with yellow colours because they don’t show up on the page, but I couldn’t exactly take it out of the packet or it would look pretty strange! Maybe you can use them to draw more comics. I look at the one you drew for me with the cowboy cats every day and it still makes me laugh. Is that weird? I hope not. Anyway, I hope you have an amazing birthday because you’re an amazing friend! xxx Michelle.’” She glares at me. The way she positively spat that message at me threw me off a bit, but the essence of it still comes across and makes my stomach sink with shame all of the same. It really was a nice card, and I wish for the millionth time in my seventeen-and-a-half years that I wasn’t such a fucking idiot. 

“I remember the cowboy cat comic,” I mutter, “Do you still have it?”

It seems as though my stupidity is confounding her, “No, I fucked it into the bin. Obviously. I was heartbroken.”

“Heartbroken?” A bit dramatic, surely. 

“Yeah. Holly and her friends bullied me for years, and you just went and abandoned me for them.”

“That’s not fair, I didn’t. You pushed me away, remember? You accused me of choosing them, I never chose them. You chose not to be my friend.” 

“Yeah, I wonder why.”

“Why are you being like this?”

“Like what?”

“So stubborn. You can't let this go.”

“Uh! Yeah! Because it’s humiliating.”

“What is? That you fancied me?”

She brings her hands to her cheeks, burning not with rage, but embarrassment. She takes a shaky breath, “did you know?”

“About you-”

“Yes.”

I chew on my lip. Of course I did. It was written all over her, the way she was so eager to sit next to me in class or in the car, squeezing into the middle seat just so that her leg could rest against mine. How she jumped at the chance to help me out with something before anybody else could, her laugh, a little bit harder and longer than everyone else's when I told a joke, but not addressing it was always easier. Maybe I liked the attention a little bit, enjoyed being admired by a cute girl, or maybe it was easier, less disruptive than admitting my own uncomfortable, friendship-group-ruining feelings. 

“No, I had no idea,” I say. 

Her eyes are fixed upon the carpet between our feet as though by looking so intently at the looped fibres she can transport herself anywhere other than here with me and my interrogations. 

“Hey, look at me.”

“No.”

I sigh, “Look, Michelle, I did think you were pretty. That’s why Holly was so jealous. Our friendship made her insecure, and she hated how much I liked hanging out with you. She could sense that I liked you.”

“Oh, come on, that’s the kind of thing you say to those stupid girls at school so that they’ll let you borrow their homework or something.”

“I really did!”

“You used to throw potato wedges at me outside the deli!”

“Yeah! That’s how you show a girl you fancy her when you’re twelve!”

Her laugh is humourless, “Please.”

“I’m telling you I did,” I take her wrist, with her pulse jumping under my fingers and hold her like that, for reasons I’m not sure of, perhaps just for connection. Close like this I can feel the heat of her body. I am desperate to show her how serious I am. “And if I wasn’t so stupid I might have done something about it.”

“Too late.”

“It’s not.”

I bend and kiss her before she can argue any more. Once, just once, but insistently, and I pull back hard with a smack expecting outrage on her face but I find only surprise, desire, and eyes that flick from my eyes to my mouth and back. I kiss her again, slow this time, deep, sure, as my hands hold her hips close to mine, willing for this kiss to wipe it all away, all of the years of hurt and anguish between us, and she lets me kiss her, and she kisses me back with hands that thread through my hair and lips that part so I can slide my tongue inside her mouth.

My knees knock against hers in our clumsy waltz towards her bed and we come down on it together, my body pressing against hers and my fingers finding the warm skin beneath her t-shirt. I draw back to look at her again, dark eyes and full lips and skin, as is mine, blushed amber with the first rays of dawn that stream through the window. 

“Do you want to stop?” I say, and she shakes her head. 

“No.”

And outside, as the sun creeps up over Clontarf, the branches of the cherry blossom trees hold their leafy arms up in surrender. 

Beginning // Prev // Next

#lucky boy 2009 #last post! #omg! #SO EXCITED FOR 2010 YOU HAVE NO IDEA #anyway behind the scenes: originally Jude murdered the jellyfish in a very calculated and cold blooded way but I felt it was too harsh #even though it was based on something i directly witnessed on a beach when i was a kid #and i felt like the jellyfish kind of deserved it sorry #i got stung on my thigh when i was 9 and it sucked so bad #Youtube

[zappedbyzabka]

Rant under the cut

I just went through a ck page I really liked (still kinda like, some of their stuff is rlly good) and they had so many anti Johnny posts.

Which is okay, cause people don’t have to like a character, but it makes me sad that he gets the most hate in the fandom as my favorite character.

He’s done a bunch of bad, stupid shit and caused issues, but so did Kreese (who groomed him), Terry the hot planet polluter, Mike, but they do not get as much of the passionate hate that Johnny gets. (From what I’ve seen when I went through other character anti tags) Personally? I love all of them; they’re supposed to be bad guys (some turned good.)

And so many people blame every single damn problem that has happened in the tkk/ck verse on him (I have seen this too many times), which is just totally and objectively unfair to say.

I totally understand why some people may not like him, but he doesn’t at all deserve the amount of hate he gets.

(No hate to haters though lol)

#I hope some people feel the same #The way I visibly drooped when I realized they disliked him kskskskkss #I don’t want to discuss if you are upset about this post #srsly if you are upset about this non hateful towards anyone post. do not tell me #at the end of the day #he’s an EXTREMELY traumatized man who has been beainwashed abused and brutalized his WHOLE life #Yeah he’s fucked up #but for everything he’s been though? he’s doing pretty well at trying be an over all good person with what he was given #The only harsh critiscism for him that I understand is the Robby situation #cause that boy did deserve better #Again. I respect the opinion but pls be empathatic as to why I’d feel upset #Like I see it sm and for whattttttttt #I’m grateful to the people that tag their stuff ‘anti Johnny’ when they post that stuff. Like srsly thank you #It just makes me feel a little nauseous see all this for my favorite character😮‍💨 #okay rant over #just need to get it off my chest #johnny lawrence #don’t bring up other characters hate. is has nothing to do with what I said in the post lol #i love every character ESPECIALLY the evil ones #I block the anti Johnny and ck tag #but still see it from people who say they ‘love’ the character but exclusively talk shit about him and put down to bring up other character #without any tags. WDYM he deserved to be abused wtf is wrong with you????? (or. As some of them put it. ‘Not real abuse’) I AM BITING YOU #tw victim blaming #This is a ‘Johnny getting the love and care and gay kisses he deserves’ page #The writers have done him so so dirty

[beananium]

can i be a hater for a second

#Bean Text #if i can i would put it under a cut because it would provoke an entire fandom but. i gotta say my piece on the new project sekai kaito card #(it is very negative and boiled up all my feelings about how that game totally misses the mark on the appeal of kaito- #-and doesn't feel like a homage to vocal synth culture in general) #it just feels like generic gacha game stuff to me which. i get it! theres appeal in that! #the original characters are well-written (for the most part) and theres a lot of elements that i can see work #but it feels less like they wanted to pay respects to the many ways fans show their love for vocal synths and more like- #-“oh we gotta use miku to market this gacha game!” #because its another rhythm gacha game in a sea of them. it would've gotten drowned out otherwise #i do like the song choices and the mix of classics + new songs. thats the only element i like in terms of it being a vocal synth game #i'll get more into this + the kaito portrayal side maybe later. but i needed to get this off my chest

[releaseholiday]

.

#okay one last thing I’ll say bc I don’t want to rehash it again and again but I need to get it off my chest #is that the reason I’m so 🥴 about the possibilities of this doc isn’t the fact that Louis won’t be telling 100% thruth about his life #or whatever like if Louis talks about e ams the break up and even if she’s in that doc I wouldn’t even bar an eye (well I would’ve 2 years #ago but times have changed yk🤪) like he can talk about his fake love life all he wants #I wouldn’t understand it and I’d think it’s completely unnecessary but whatever everyone’s a willing participant #BUT if the kid is in that doc #like actually the child himself #then that would make me really think about who Louis is as a person bc if it was literally anyone else doing that to an innocent kid for idk #entertainment or whatever reason I would’ve said they’re a pretty shitty person #and I really don’t want to think that about Louis🥲🥲 #and also if he is in the doc that would automatically ruin everything else that would be in it #like if he trashes Sony etc etc #it’s not worth it but I know that’s just me #a lot of people will be excited about that and ignore the nasty stuff #so yeahhh I really hope he proves me wrong but🥲 #anyway @anons I see you guys🫂🫂

[the-casbah-way]

very impossible to find the balance between "i want my friends to be able to talk to me about their problems and tell me when they're struggling" and "i am extremely emotionally fragile at the moment because i'm doing very badly and talking about very heavy topics especially with no warning is not something i feel capable of dealing with right now because i'm on the verge of a violent mental breakdown"

#i guess i need to find a way of telling people that i'm in that headspace in the first place #because i probably seem completely fine #but i can't tell people those things unless they explicitly invite me to do so first #so i'm assuming everyone just looks at me and goes yeah you seem fine so i can unload all this heavy stuff on you and you'll be able to cop #but unfortunately. i cannot and i feel guilty about it #but i already have way more bad days than good and when i have to hear people talking about like #very intense personal trauma and suicide and shit #it throws me off for the rest of the day and i go nonverbal until i can go straight home and sob until i fall asleep #and that is not an exaggeration it keeps happening to me with multiple different people #i don't want anyone to feel like they have to pretend around me in any way #but i also don't know how to cope with hearing intense things like this when i'm on a knife's edge mentally all the time #and i cannot afford to keep cutting my days so much shorter when i should be working #and also like when people DO talk to me about these things it's like #it's good they can get it off their chest #but now i'm holding onto all of the stuff they've just told me as well as the stuff i was already secretly holding onto about my own life #and now i have to go home alone with nowhere to put any of it because i don't have anyone to talk to #i've had people tell me this is therapeutic to talk about this stuff #but it's not for me because i'm not talking i'm just listening and then being overwhelmed and triggered and upset about it all #and most of it probably boils down to the fact that i cannot express my own feelings or tell people my boundaries #in situations this sensitive because it's so like. precarious and awkward #but i'm like i can't deal with it all the time it's too much

[dapiando]

it's not surprising that twitter lied to me, but like, the show is Not good. Idk what all the praise was about. Like maybe if you don't know the story, it's fine (despite the egregious dialogue), but this is neither faithful enough to be that awkward, nor good enough to be that different from the source material.

You can't change shit for the worse, if it's a change it needs to be better. I feel like the opposite is happening, every change in dialogue and motivation just made shit worse than the books.

#im not tagging it cause people don't need to find this. i don't want to get yelled at #i just need to get it off my chest #the performances are fine. the kids work well with what they're given #i just WISH they had been given better stuff to work with

[liliumaa]

Regarding the possible tumblr shut down im just gonna. be here. but my other links are here if youre interested!

my discord is liliumaa (same as my username here) feel free to send me a friend request if you want. If I take a while to respond pls pls dont take it personally i just overthink and get tired easily

#gonna go on a vent / rant /whatever for a sec since i wanna get stuff off my chest to those who follow me #i apologize for my infrequency in posting on (most) sites i have some form of anxiety that makes me get paralyzed when trying to work on ar #anytime i work on anything that isnt a commission or big project im like IM WASTING MY TIME URGRGHRHRH #but .... i just need to be silly rn its not that deep #so for those who are in any projects im running and i postpone the dates alot well HERES WHY LOLLLL #lil speaks

[cetoddle]

does anyone wanna hear about the dream i had last night huh huh

#uhm cw body horror and like. excessive violence ahead #honestly i'd forgotten abt it until i saw the post i made mentioning it again💀 #i wanna talk abt it cause it was CRAZY #but i'm not lying when i say it was visceral and graphic and grosss so so gross #i don't remember it as well now cause like i said i'm kinda used to this shit so it doesn't weigh heavy on my mind or anything #but my dreams have been so VIVID lately so it was just kinda jarring #anyways #it was like. i was watching a movie? #except i didn't like explicitly feel like i was in the dream but like. if my soul was kinda just kicking it watching a movie with someone #if that makes sense #idk who i was with i think it was a just a general person tm #and the movie was like. a group of girls who had to get something to complete some kind of mission? like they needed something to finish a #goal idkthat part wasn't rlly the most memorable thing to me #what WAS memorable was that they killed a man. specifically: #one girl like had her legs wrapped around his neck while suffocating him with a clear plastic bag. so u could see it fog up and him scream #and stuff. and then they ripped off the skin on his chest and stomach? like they skinned him alive ? while he was being suffocated #idk where my brain gets this stuff #anyways. they weren't even skinning him with something sharp. they held something dull to him so hard and pressed and pulled so hard that i #just up and ripped the skin and some muscle off #i guess they needed the skin and muscle for something. and like he fell unconsious and bled out on the floor with the blood splattered bag #on his head still. rip guy #and the girls were covered in blood but kinda just continued their business. and were like observing the skin and muscle #like it was all bloody and the muscle strings and fiber and stuff..idk i'm not a doctor #and then one of the girls ate some of the muscle idk why she did that #and then they went to give the shit to wherever they were taking it for whatever reason. but the worst part to me was that whoever i was #watching the movie with was rlly upset and said #'this is just so upsetting because there was no reason for him to suffer and die like that' #and then i woke up! #so i think i'm unwell! or that i'm not taking to my new meds very well #who's to say

[ninjaaa-go]

do you ever just

#I’m kind of dying a little but it’s cool #I had an appointment with a psychiatrist today and I feel like I’m kind of regretting it 😖 #I went in mostly concerned about my autism and adhd and prepared to talk about/deal with those #but then she ended up prescribing me lexapro for my anxiety #so I went and did a bunch of research on that but I’m kind of terrified of taking it #because it seems like a lot of people get nasty side effects especially at first #and like having anxiety isn’t fun but I can push through that even if I’m an anxious wreck about some things #but like my autism and adhd affect my life a lot more #like being totally overstimulated in public or not being able to hold my focus at all are a lot bigger deal to me #and I’m horrible at communicating with people especially in real time rather than over email or whatever #so I didn’t really properly get across my concerns and just sort of let her prescribe what she wanted #idk now I’m having doubts and I’ve never really taken meds before beyond otc stuff or like the odd strep prescription when I was younger #especially nothing that messes with your brain like this one does #plus I just really don’t do well with not feeling well or not feeling like myself so that kind of freaks me out #and I really should be sleeping rn but I just need to get this stuff off my chest I guess #it’s like things weren’t totally fine the way they were but they were *fine* you know #not changing things is just easier I guess #I just like to be prepared and researched and this psychiatrist took me off guard #I just don’t know what to do now #if anyone’s read this far- has anyone else with audhd taken lexapro for anxiety? #did it go okay? #im kind of scared of it now #😮‍💨 okay I really need to go to sleep now #anxiety #autism #Adhd #actually autistic #Vent post #i guess? It was really just in the tags

[microfeelings]

👁👄👁

#lmao... i dont want to vent especially bc its something super stupid but if i dont get it off my chest ill feel worse 😤 #so feel free to ignore ✌😊 #that feeling when youre friend got into art and she now has a better style than you :) #i love having poured 15+ years of my life into art and drawing and still not having a discernable art style :)) #AND I HATE THAT IM FEELING JEALOUS bc her art is so pretty and shes doing so well with it and im so happy for her #I also know that im actually feeling angry at myself bc the reason im not like her is bc im not trying hard enough #but god just thinking about doing a fraction of the work that she pours into her stuff makes me want to curl into a ball #and sleep until the trees are blooming again #i need to change my sleep schedule... and my diet i know im not eating properly and thats probably not helping in my low energy #or maybe my low energy is just a lie and im lazy... anyways this got too depressing

[meanya]

Maybe it's just the effervescent glowing halo around anything we see as nostalgic that makes me remember this being better than it actually was, but... I kinda miss when classwork was almost 0% online.

I still remember in elementary and middle school when everything was on paper, printed textbooks were provided. In high school, they started slowly introducing more technology; iPads, chrome books, assignments from the Pearson website we could follow along with.

And now in my modern, fancy, online-integrated college, all the classes are at least half-online based. It feels messy. They all use the main university website. But some of them have a textbook on another site. One class's homework will be on a $$$ subscription-based Pearson Brand website called MyLab... everything is so spread out, you see? There's so many websites to remember and deadlines to keep track of, and the teachers themselves are still figuring out how to make all this technology function right.

I tried one entirely-online class in junior high; online gym. I didn't like it. It's basically just you teaching yourself the materials, but going at a professor's pace. It was a lot to keep track of, work scattered across different websites and formats. I was an A student for the most part, but I got a D in online gym. I swore I'd never take another online class again, because they just didn't work for me.

But now all my classes are online classes. At least partially. I even wound up in one entirely-online course again! I'm gonna be teaching myself all the materials again, and it's gonna be difficult.

Online schooling wasn't even really an option in middle school, and now it's the only option in some cases. Now we have online tests and in-person exams, in-person homework and online homework, with strict due dates, scattered across multiple half-functional websites that the professors can barely use. And I don't like it one bit.

#anya rambles #and i am really rambling here. none of this was thought out much beforehand #i just... needed to get this off my chest. it was just rattling around in my brain #and i know covid had a huge impact on the switch to Online as well. I know online stuff can be good #but... i dont like this... it's too much #adhd #adhd student #college student