#just let me rest already please...

[supercantaloupe]

christ they're running us ragged over here

#as i expected tbh. #then again it would be better if we Literally Ever stuck to the fucking schedule #but nah everything runs like an hour or two over #pushing meals late skipping snacks and shaving away what minimal free/rest time we're even given #and they pretty much expect everyone to use any and all unstructured time they get to practice #instead of. like. idk. RESTING #and i get up later/go to bed earlier than most too since i skip the morning/night prayer meetings #jesus christ they're gonna work these kids to death. i have no idea how they have the energy they do #i wanna talk about me #breakfast at 8. on our feet for like five straight hours. didn't get lunch til 3:30. #we're supposed to be changed and ready for rehearsal and concert at 4:30. #just let me rest already please...

[mattodore]

finished making the hair ties i wanted! plus now theo has them too since they’re for his hair anyway :)

#river dipping #ts4 #ts4 edit #matthias evanoff #theodore doe #echthroi #once again there was no need for me to edit these screenshots i just really like doing it <3 #they look so handsome....... #all together there are nine versions! theo has a left and a right version for the hair ties #but matthias just has a left version (since i made his first! i could go add a right version for him but he's left handed anyway) #there's one version where it's both hair ties like in that pic of matthias vs. the separated versions of the hair ties like in theo's pic #i know i've made my own preset and my own poses / scars / moles / tattoos but i've never done anything with mesh editing!! #well... i did fix that muzzle cc that matthias wears so that it fits his face properly... which!!! now that i know how to mess with uvs #like... i can actually take the mesh of the muzzle and properly fit it to his nose bridge and everything... gahhhh #i'm so pleased!! i've already tested the hair ties in game too since jerma was just streaming so i had something to watch #i just spent the first hour or so of the stream making theo's left wrist hair ties and then the rest of the stream playing in game #no glitches or bugs that i know of! success!!! #also modeled these hair ties off the hair ties i use... i actually have one on my wrist rn and let me just say... they look the exact same

[shadow-the-crow]

Funny how one person's fear can be another person's dream

i just finished mag 57 - Personal Space and several comments are like "oh god this is my very specific fear it was so scary"

meanwhile i'm just like... i would like that?? At least for a week or so, being able to rest alone with books and films and a window to look into space sounds really nice??!

I already thought the same thing after Freefall lol

#it's the neurodivergent burnout #please let me rest let me do nothing #(the worst part is that i already spent the last few weeks mostly doing nothing) #(but there were things i was supposed to do so it wasn't really relaxing yk?) #and yeah even apart from that the lonely and the vast are mostly just comforting to me lol #tma #tma season two #tma s2 #mag 57 #personal space #the magnus archives #tma podcast #adhd #neurodivergent #can you call this liveblogging?

[ganondoodle]

ok only things i will say bc i said them on twitter too ...

1. the german and english translation of what gan says give me VERY different ideas ( no im not saying im a better translator than nintendo, just imo) so what gan says in german id translate as "Look very closely, the true king has returned, today his world will be created anew" which, although little different to the actual english one, gives me a totally different vibe (as in, true king huh, and HIS world the way its said there sounds more like hes trying to bring back an old one instead of overtaking the current one if you get what i mean)

2. seems like its the good old pure good vs pure evil and link last hope thing but on steriods which :I

3. ... just this once i think i should be allowed to be scared; the shot of gan from behind where he looks eerily similar to demise…. dont you dare. nintendo, nintendo look me in the eyes. DO. NOT.

.... please ... you cannot take BOTH my blorbos from me ... have mercy ... where is my hyperfixation supposed to go ...

#ganondoodles talks #totk trailer 3 #just ... please ... #you already takin one of my blorbos #i cant live through you taking my main blorbo #please #hes done and dead #let him rest #-thinks about the fact that the master sword is broken which sealed the last bits of him- #PLEASE DONT TAKE MY ONE LOVE FROM ME #HES BEEN WHATS BEEN KEEPING ME SOMEWHAT SANE #having no hyperfixation sucks #im barely surviving as is #you think i can live through only posting oc content???

[neuroticboyfriend]

IM SO TIRED OF BEING IN CONSTANT PAIN

#I JUST WANT TO BE COMFORTABLE PLEASE ILL DO ANYTHING #WHAT DO YOU FUCKING WANT UNIVERSE #PLEASE MAKE IT STOP #GIVE ME ONE RESTFUL PAIN FREE NIGHT #PLEASE #ILL TRADE YOU MY SANITY FOR A LIFE WITHOUT CHRONIC PAIN #please. please. #why does it have to hurt so much #all the time #forever #please #why #why me #havent i been through enough already #why is my life a never ending hell #what did i do to deserve this #why did you let me live i should have just died when i was born #i never should have been born at all #... #vent #julian rants #tw #idfk what tw for i dont #caps tw #death tw

[sskk-manifesto]

♡

#Wow. Okay ♡ #I love this episode. The animation is flawless. The drawings quality is out of the world for real. #I love this episode so much I'm so grateful so much care and dedication went to this sskk centered episode. #(Refraining to talk about what 5x03 could have been) #Sorry for repeating myself but seriously the illustrations this episode are so so pretty. #I rarely appreciate how Akutagawa is drawn in the anime but when it comes with this episode I really like how he looks too. #And Atsushi that I already like a lot in the anime on average‚ this episode is just fabulous. Handsome even. #Seriously I don't know who the animators are but I want to kiss them. This art style is one I dare say I like even more than Dead Apple– #that although is obviously more detailed is just... In comparison too rough for my personal taste? #The art style for this episode is very delicate and soft and I love it tons #And the directing is just great. No weird pacing or awkward ost choice. It's neat. #The reiterated placing ss/kk on opposite sides is neat. The lightening is likeable and especially the purple scene is super pretty. #The “don't compare me to him” scene is neat. The ss/kk final scene is AMAZING. It's gorgeous and stunning and awestriking and every other– #epitome in the world. It's like the only scene I believe turned out better in the anime that it is in the manga which is saying SO MUCH. #But it's really that good!!!!! My favourite anime ss/kk scene ever. #Aaaaaahhh please let me talk about it forever it's sooo pretty and especially poignant... #The heaven-like soft yellow light and how it contrasts with the bleak stormy background. But especially their softening features... #Man that scene. okay. Akutagawa's quiet surprise!!!! That scene is. Idk. Unfortunately chapter 88 exists– #but it's nearly the most romantic thing ever. #I'll leave it at this. It's not like the bsd animation suddenly became a masterpiece and this is still an episode– #I would say I like less than my least liked k/l/k episode (Trigger animation my beloved). But in comparison with the rest of the anime– #It's really bsd anime at its peak #random rambles #Aah peoples btw I'm probably going to spam ss/kk‚‚‚‚ a lot today. Apologies in advance unfollow me now etc. etc.

[widevibratobitch]

so i am singing that vitellia in the end... but at what fucking cost.

'you gotta sing this softer'

'what'

'this is mozart'

'this is vitellia'

'this is mozart'

'im singing about how much i hate this mf and want him dead before the end of the day'

'this is mozart'

'i wanna murder a guy'

'this is mozart'

'...'

'softer. gentle. mozart'

'...ok'

#they're killing me here #i already bargained for ONE (1) note in chest (thank you so so much that i am ALLOWED to sing an A3 in chest voice <333) and now THIS #THIS is why people hate mozart. fuck you. #i recorded that rehearsal and the first version sounds SO MUCH BETTER. after i did what she asked me to do its just. so fucking boring. #i hate it here #i love this duet so much but frfr im not sure i wanna do it if i have to do it on their terms. #also like sorry to be a bitch but you're a pianist girl. just stick to your stuff and let me take care of mine. #just because you're playing this like you're constipated because tHiS iS mOzArT doesnt mean the rest of us dont care either. #its possible i never will get the chance to sing the entire vitellia so i want to do justice. as much as im able. to this one chance i get #it took me A Long While to deal with the fact that i wont be able to bark that 'indegno' and 'regno' like i always envisioned. #but like. ok. whatever. i can still make it Entertaining. THIS however. no. no fucking way. #and its not even about me being a big-headed know-it-all who thinks she's better than everyone because. lol and lmao clearly im Not #but this is about having a fucking SOUL. its about actually taking the libretto into consideration too. its about trying to figure out #WHY mozart wrote it the way he did. like sorry but this is another fiordiligi case where its CLEAR that the amplitudes the crazy jumps #are there FOR A REASON. the reason is HE WANTED A CONTRAST. some fucking EMOTION. he sure as hell didnt want it to be Soft And Gentle. #i know it because i talked to him and he told me im right about everything as always and you can eat shit girl bye #grrrrrrrr im so angry #i knos i sound so arrogant here but please. please i just want to make this music fun and enjoyable. i just dont want it to be boring #please understand my vision im begging you

[always-a-joyful-note]

As I have somehow become entangled in the Ensemble Stars fandom (I hate it here. Don't follow me to these waters, you guys) and am slowly reading the stories after the main one of music (and after watching the anime), I have come to the conclusion that Nito Nazuna is (probably unintentionally) Velveteen Rabbit coded.

If you don't know the story (spoilers for it ahead, you can read the short story here), it's basically about how a stuffed rabbit given to a boy as a Christmas present gets neglected in favour of newer mechanical toys. During his neglect, an older toy tells him a story about how the love of children to their toys can make them real, which the rabbit desperately wants but has little hope for. But by chance, a nanny gives the boy the rabbit to sleep with, cementing it as the boy's favourite toy. Sure, it gets more worn and other rabbits point out how it can't hop, but at least its loved...until the boy contracts scarlet fever and, for disinfecting reasons, the rabbit has to be taken out to be burned. Yeah, messed up...but as it waits for its fate, the stuffed rabbit sheds a tear where a flower with a fairy grows. The fairy proceeds to tell him that the boy's love made him real and takes him to the forest where he's able to finally hop away with the other rabbits.

I know it's a stretch. But a former toy/doll, incredibly loved but not really seen as real and that destroying him even if he's fine with it...then neglected when his "owner" contracts a sickness...then finding a spark of life that frees him from his inability to move...a transformation from loved doll to a real something that learns to love himself. Tell me that isn't Nazuna, and the rabbit imagery even fits. He breaks free from his constraints not to be alone but to be with others of his kind, to move of his own will with others! It's just so...we are all human and our relationships are so complex and someone else's tragedy that also makes you hurt for them can also be the reason you find your own self -

Honestly, I'm not sure if this is actually Velveteen Rabbit coded since I've only seen that story in the anime, but like...if you squint, it fits?

#jaofisjaeiorjwaeriwejr the anime flashback storyline killed me you guys #and just to let you know while i think shu was definitely...something for his views on mika and nazuna #im not blaming him for abandoning or neglecting valkyrie (seriously eichi what?) like i wouldnt blame the boy for getting a fever #one day i will read the rest of reminiscence (already read crossroads with slightly little context and still died) #and then ill be unstoppable #but guys guys guyssss #nazuna nito being a doll and finding his humanity with the other ra*bits is soooooooo #and ra*bits isnt even my favourite group #anyway dont get into enstars. especially when you dont have time like me #also if you think this is the end of me comparing enstars to literature you thought wrong #i will type more of these comparisons up in future days. this is a threat #enstars #ensemble stars #stuff i say #fandom spamdom #anyway note stop getting into media with questionable ethics writing and views on social and philosophical topics challenge... #seriously the morals of this game are messed up no matter what you believe in or who you are #it is amazing i want to kill it with fire but it compels me #please help #none of the characters in enstars are normal #the one good thing about enstars is that its good to take slow with...since its a game and something you read #unlike my poor neglected bsd and link click. im so sorry guys #but the other flipside is that THERES TOO MUCH LORE AND THE MORE I LEARN THE MORE IM LOSING MY MIND #what is WRONG WITH THIS STORY?

[suncaptor]

there's something specifically inside my head that is closing up that makes trusting anything so hard. i have to manually keep my mind open to the potential of anything being significant. i am so used to things being bad and things hurting and things not working and being powerless that it takes an exorbitant amount of mental energy to make sure I don't let myself shut down possibility. and I do it because I never want a certainty inside of me besides love to rule anything. but I want my brain elastic again. i want it open like breathing. it doesn't erase the unfairness or the critique or any of the bitter-built philosophy.

#it's so hard to describe what I mean. i think it's the combo of the like. specific part of my brain's development + the amount of trauma #I have endured + the degree of which that has been taking place on a backdrop of the world being incredibly injust no matter what I do #this is very very silly but the extent of how much this impacts me was made clear by how like. closed off I was to even liking an album by #my favourite singer. like obviously I am obsessively keeping myself open I would never let my preconceived sense of doom and stubbornness #control my willingness to let things in #but it shouldn't be so hard to keep my mind open to things like... liking my favourite musician of most of my life's music........... #and that's a VERY silly example but that's why it's easier to talk about. it takes so much work to be open enough for things like therapy #or religion because they've damaged me so much #how am i supposed to handle this on a backdrop of constant constant helplessness in the face of living insecurity and illness and trauma? #the problem is if you try so so so hard again and again and remain hopeful regardless of how illogical that hope is #but you get let down so constantly since you're never stop trying ever even when systems fail you again and again #and you're watching horrible things happen and everything that shapes you is horror #then regardless of how much you try it's so hard to let yourself let go of the very realistic lived experience of doubt and critique #and I DO. do NOT get me wrong. I am obsessive and refuse to be my own problem #but the act of doing so shouldn't be like this. it's in everything i do. from simple things like listening to new music to even the mere #possibility of a future #i am very worried this one is going to be misinterpreted bc I AM NOT saying I'm stubborn in the face of systems that have repeatedly failed #me. I AM NOT. I am saying to not be shouldn't take this work when it envelops the rest of my life. #if anyone reads this far please please acknowledge the degree of which I almost pathologically try again and again when I can guarantee #nearly everyone wouldn't and still fight to keep myself open to hope because that's just something in me that is like that. but BEING like #that is. repeatedly putting yourself in situations where you are powerless already and helpless to get better and then are hurt more and #there's no way to escape it's just the repeated nature of it and then trying to not be the issue. #it's the problem in itself. #my ambition SHOULD be smarter. #god I'll go into this when I fully understand it another time. i don't think i have this phrased in a way to make all the dots of what i #mean correlate in the significant ways to anyone but me #but hey i guess i'm expecting anyone to read this in a light to misperceive me in the first place instead of accept maybe I'm not explainin #well or giving me the benefit of the doubt. see. #delete

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

i havent made any posts abt it but now that the big part is basically over ive gotta tell you im absolutely fucking fascinated with this whole submarine situation

#i have a lot of thoughts about it but i dont think tumblr is the right place for those right now. im thinking about it a fucking lot though #ah the hubris of man in the face of nature etc etc etc #maybe lets not take tourists into one of the most dangerous unpredictable environments on the fucking planet #especially in experimental non certified equipment #thats all ill say for now #can we pleaseeeee please fucking respect the ocean. can we please stop going to the titanic. #weve gotten what we need from it lets just. let those ppl rest #im having. thoughts. man idk. its insane to me this is literally like. a fucking horror movie #anyway i hope the markiplier iron lung movie doesnt get cancelled bc of this. i rlly wanna see that #also like. obviously the tragedy in the Mediterranean deserves more news and more care than 5 idiot billionaires but . #i am just a 20 something year old on the internet im not responsible for the media cycle #and im also a known avid horror enthusiast especially when it involves the ocean so. #im having a lot of thoughts about bullshit safety measures and the money spent on this fucking mess #and the fact that theyve been searching for days for ppl who were already dead two hours inot the trip. idk. #sorry i just needed an outlet for this bc my dad is insufferable to talk news with

[circulars-reasoning]

Hey.

You. Yes, you, the one who has me blocked.

Stop looking. If you see my name anywhere on the post, scroll past.

Stop vagueposting me. Stop spreading misinformation about me. You are succeeding in hurting me, and I am letting you know this, because I know you'll see it, because you always do. I'm scared to use my singlet main now because I'm terrified you'll somehow sus me out, and harass me on that blog too. I'm terrified you'll hunt me down and screenshot every single one of my posts there to dismantle and dissect to make me out to be a villain.

You have succeeded in making me suicidal again due to your constant comments about who I am as a person, and who I associate with, and the people I've come to know and call friends.

I am begging you. Please. Fucking. Stop. I am at my wits end. I have you blocked. You have me blocked. Let me go.

#syscourse #tw suicide #tw suicidal ideation #tw sui #please let me fucking rest already #i'm literally working with my therapist on not letting YOUR OPINION of me make me want to die #And it's a work in progress #And you are not helping #I am a pro-endo system who has been harassed on this platform until I've nearly killed myself due to both sides coming for my throat #Please let me have just one fucking break #That's all I'm ever going to say again on this topic #I have tried to cut you out of my life #I have tried to block your every ounce of being from my blog #I have blocked almost everyone I know who interacts with you so you do not come on my dash #So please. #Stop. #venting

[coldflasher]

currently experiencing The Horrors (thinking abt the fact that i have to start going into the office again from tomorrow)

this will either fix me entirely or cause me to descend so deeply into my burnout sinkhole that i will never be seen or heard from again

#regrettably i think maybe getting out of the house for a few hours might help. don't tell the ceo that #idk im having a really hard time keeping my head above water right now #i basically didn't have any time off last year just to do nothing. every holiday i took was to like. do an activity #like go to america or germany for cons or travel for a concert or some other event #whereas i usually use 75% of my time off to get some desperately needed rest #im really running on empty at this point but i really don't wanna use a bunch of my annual leave this early in the year #also i need to start learning how to say no to people #because last year i used probably 60% of my leave for other people #like. i used 2 weeks to go to washington with my brother as his 18th bday present. that was literally half my leave #and then i used another 3-4 days to visit relatives #and this year i was like 'im gonna be proper selfish with my a/l this year and use it ALL to do what i want to do' #then my mum rang me up and asked me to use a day of it to hang out with her and i said yes. like an idiot #like don't misunderstand me. i love my mum. but i already see her every weekend #and i also have to like. not tell her when i book leave for myself because she'll be like 'oh so we can do something!' #NO. PLEASE. LET ME ROT IN PEACE. #im just so frustrated that i im such a pushover and i already broke my promise to myself this early on #like. why can i not advocate for myself ever. why can i not just. disappoint people. and have that be okay. #personal

[oasisofgalaxies]

Im so very normal about John halo

#every single time this man makes a joke (an amount I can count on my fingers) it floors me #and just . man #Spartans already make me emotional but FUCK man #he thinks of himself so much as a tool and a utility it just breaks my heart #he just keeps *going* #he doesn’t get to rest and it’s so unfair #I want to wrap him up in a warm blanket and physically fight anyone who gets within a twenty foot radius of him #LET THE MAN BREATHE #PLEASE #nebula rambles

[tasmanianstripes]

I've seen a few t//w//erfs being extremely bitter about the prospect of people getting hysterectomy and thinking it's somehow a feminist stance and it's so baffling to me

Like, how do they not realise that advocating against an adult getting a necessary surgery or making an educated decision about their body just because they'll might want to be mothers someday- oh, sorry, they're "destroying their feminine body" or whatever the fuck makes them sound JUST like the sexist doctors refusing treatment for people just because they view every afab person as a baby-making machine?

Like, we get it, you don't think women are capable of deciding what's best for them and what to do with their bodies, please shut the fuck up

And of course, let's not forget the hint of ableism with the ~fearmongering~ of, *gasp!!*, having to take hormonal supplements for the rest of your life. As if taking a pill a day is the worst fucking thing that could ever happen to a person and not something completely normal that a lot of people already have to do.

#thylacines can talk #being so violently transphobic that you circle right back into wildly sexist takes #please let adults do whatever the fuck they want with their bodies. stop policing afab people's bodies and treating them like baby makers #the fact that they'll use the 'youll have to medicate for the rest of your life' as a scare tactic is especially hilarious to me #when i saw it i legit laughed because. yeah i already will have to take meds everyday for the rest of my life. oh the horror #its literally just a pill please calm down #nobody tell them what the treatment for monopause is or they'll lose their shit

[bear-cubs-art-things]

nows a wonderful time to being borderline sick and start manifesting knee/leg issues.

Not to mention I HAVE to be at my comp this weekend bc your homeboy here is on top of the prop (😎)

#PLEASE LET ME LIVEEE #I'm okay tho ill power thru it 💪🏼💪🏼 #but nows a hell of a time to be falling apart #my section is already being held together by glue ahdjdjdjdjdkfh #<- two of the seniors are out for the rest of the season #plus three of us have some sort of pain in our bodies (we can still marching but still)(includes me) #I'm sick (wahoo) #and the freshmen hardly play for shit (one of them just learned trombone a month ago so there's also that) #like I said. Being held together by glue. #bear rambles

[cidnangarlond]

happy pride month to whatever cid and nero have going on 💜

#to me personally. and this is because I think it's funny this is purely for laughs on my end #I think they're divorced (cid filed and nero never got over it) and cid is doing well and he's like no I'm an engineer I'm vibing #but nero shows up and the vibes go sideways and nero goes GARLOND MY OLD FRIEND and cid is just thinking DIE DIE MURDER DEATH VIOLENCE #nero is just like please :) please can we :)))) and cid is like FUCK no I hate you *spits on his shoes dramatically* and nero just has #to be all :') okay I'm fine. I'm doing fine and well and I am mentally stable and I will not be stealing cid's money later as payment #for having to deal with me. yes I'm an employee and jessie won't let cid fire me now that's what I call job security. and nero #is posting on fantasy facebook feel like pure shit just want him back xx and everyone is replying GIVE IT A REST ALREADY #he has cid blocked on fantasy socials except for once a week he unblocks him and asks if he wants to get back together and when cid says no #nero reblocks him. endless cycle. no one can do anything about it and this torments cid but nero loves it