#jokes that i'm faking it

[astridthevalkyrie]

everything you see ab being the oldest daughter is true btw why am i the family therapist AND punching bag smh

long ass depressing rant in the tags srry i got a wee bit emotional

#my dad has something going on where there's a ringing in his ear my mom has tendonitis and neck pain now #and i feel for both of them i'm goin to cvs to get the meds giving my mom massages every night talking to my dad to distract him #they're both going to the correct doctors #but just throwing it out there i have had tendonitis and chronic upper back pain for 5-6 years and no one gave a shit most i've gotten is #jokes that i'm faking it #i'm in physical therapy for my back NOW but that's bc i finally crawled out of the depression long enough to do it myself #which is fine whatever i'm 22 i should be the one making my own appointments and it'd be weird if i wasn't #but when i was 16 or 17??? #being hospitalized for STRESS HEADACHES at 14 too??? #who gets hospitalized for that shit and how were my parents not concerned that i at the age of 14 was #so stressed out that my head was pounding all the time #and bc i'm the third parent who has to be the only emotional safe space #i don't say anything if my sisters are rude to me bc at least they feel safe enough around me to be rude to me #i have to listen to everyone and their momma's problems #i'm in law school!!! i do not need this i'm anxious all the time!!! #and if i'm not anxious i'm depressed!!! #my therapist point blank tells me shit like 'you're incredibly lonely' or 'you have way too much on your shoulders' and it makes me CRY #the most basic fucking observations that i KNOW but hearing someone else acknowledge it and not berate me fucking sends me into TEARS #i get messages from online friends here like 'hey i saw your post you don't deserve that' i physically cannot keep my eyes dry!! #every time i have any interaction ever i am at least a little uncomfortable bc i am always trying so hard to make sure i come off as kind #and not awkward or mean #i feel like everyone around me was given some kind of how to manual on life that i wasn't #and i KNOW this is not unique tons and tons of people feel like this #i know this is the depression and the anxiety and the possible autism i'm well aware #but then every couple of days my mom gets the brilliant idea to tell me i'm rude or lazy or whatever and i lose my shit #i just wanna sleep and write fanfics in the nicest way possible i hate everyone #i will try my best to not be mean to anyone bc no one deserves it but i am angry and i am constantly feeling the hurt of my inner child #my MOTHER threw a hardcover book at my HEAD when i was ten bc i had been reading and hid the book under the pillow #what the actual fuck???? #my dad's response to any and everything is to deal with it

[bibibuck]

los angeles wasn't built in a day

buck/eddie | rated m | chapter 1/5 | 10k (this chapter) | getting together, fake dating (in a sense)

“We’re not going to pretend to be divorced just so Chris can get into a summer camp, Buck,” Eddie says, trying to sound convincing even as he starts to feel his resolution crumbling inside of him. “Why not?” Buck asks, sounding genuinely baffled, like he can’t understand Eddie’s refusal at all. And how does Eddie begin to explain the irrationality of his rational denial? He can’t tell Buck the real reason he can’t go through with it. He can’t tell him without having to reach into his chest, clawing out his heart, setting it down at Buck’s feet still beating, and saying, “Because the only thing worse than loving you knowing I can’t have you would be having to pretend like I didn’t love you enough to keep you with me forever.” (or the fake ex husbands to fake husbands to husbands fic.)

(read on ao3)

#buddie #buddie fic #911fic #911 fic #911 #911 on abc #fics i write #well well well you thought you'd seen the last of me huh?!? #jokes on you cause i am back and worse than ever!!! #this fic has been in the works for almost 2 years now and it's not even finished but i need to push myself to just fucking finish it #so i'm hoping that by posting is as a multi-chaptered story i will both get the inspiration and the motivation to write and post as i go #hope y'all enjoy it babes <3333 #fake ex husbands fic

[originalaccountname]

putting my hands on your shoulders looking directly into your eyes why are you so insistent that Dazai is faking every emotion every second of every day except when he's acting mean or evil why do you think his dark side is more true than his happier or sillier sides

do you not also have multiple facets you show different people? are we not all beautiful multifaceted individuals? are your actions and reactions not influenced by your emotions and state of mind?

can't he laugh at his own jokes? can't he fondly think of the Agency? can't he be dramatic because he wants to? can't he be surprised by something suddenly happening, even if he knew it would happen? do you not jump when the jack in the box gets out even if you were the one working the mechanism?

why would the mean persona be more real? why would any and all joy be faked? why are you only allowing him misery?

#sorry i saw one too many posts talking about dazai's ''masks'' and how he hides his true self from the ada #and what of it if he still has the potential to hurt others? what of it if he's good at hurting? every day he chooses not to lean into it #not too far at the very least. #isn't kyouk.a skilled at killing? did she not choose not to do it? #i'm not saying dazai's never acting (because it does happen) i'm saying too many people are too quick to brush off- #every non-serious non-mean emotion as ''playing an act'' #why would the mean persona not be a fake?? you thought about that??? what biases are you holding here #he makes jokes. he acts silly. he's a drama queen. he loves it. #you know what IS tiring? having to look evil and untouchable and impassive in front of a whole organization every day as a teenager #as soon as he gets to lupin with od.a and ang.o he goes silly mode. heck- when he *met* ang.o it was because he went silly mode. #as soon as chuuy.a is in proximity he starts yelling children's insults and starts stupid competitions #his silly mode is just as integrated into his personality as the capacity to be the scariest most evil person you've seen #they are not mutually exclusive and having the capacity for either does not mean acting on them #as asagiri said in an interview: bsd isn't about change it's about adaptation. kyouk.a has the talent to kill. she just chooses not to. #dazai has the skills to be evil. he just chooses good. #that got long in the tags sorry #apparently i talk sometimes

[57sfinest]

the true ending of disco elysium is the one where harry dies in the trash outside the whirling and garte just goes "i dont care"

the true ending of disco elysium is the one where harry collapses and dies on evrart's chair and kim has to be like "i'm sorry for my colleague. he's a funny man. he likes to make jokes at inopportune moments. up you go, detective." and evrart goes "oh of course. that's our harry, full of jokes! very funny! i do appreciate a good laugh! now let's get back to business, harry, i'm a very busy man, you know." and then they both stand there for a minute and harry is just fully dead half slumped off the chair and they both stand there like ............😐😐

#kim calling the 41st to be like hey um. that guy you guys sent? yeah he's dead. no he's not faking it. #yes i'm sure. what kind of question is that? he just kind of fell over dead. he said the chair was uncomfortable #what do you mean this isn't the first time this has happened. look can you just come get him. i'm at a loss here #is someone laughing in the background? is this some kind of joke? #^ then jean turns up and it's obvious he's really upset but all he says is 'fucking finally' #kiwipost #ask

[reddpenn]

What makes a rock a rock and not a crystal?

Ok SO

A mineral is a naturally occurring non-organic solid with a defined chemical composition and an orderly molecular structure. This means the molecules throughout the entire structure will be exactly the same, and be arranged in a symmetrical, geometric, repeating pattern called a crystal lattice.

Quartz is a mineral. Its chemical formula is silicon dioxide, and its crystal lattice forms a repeating tetrahedron.

Ice is also a mineral. Its chemical formula is dihydrogen monoxide, and its crystal lattice forms a repeating hexagon.

Obsidian is not a mineral. It is a mineraloid, a mineral-like substance. Its chemical composition can vary wildly, and instead of a crystal lattice, its molecules are jumbled up in an amorphous solid, meaning there’s no nice repeating pattern to them.

A crystal is any solid material with a crystal lattice.

All minerals, by definition, have a crystal lattice. So all minerals are crystals! Some things that are NOT minerals are also crystals!

Sugar is a crystal. It has a crystal lattice made from molecules of sucrose. But it is not a mineral because it is organic.

Often, these repeating geometric patterns in the crystal lattice cause the substance to naturally form big geometric structures with distinct faces - such as the points formed by quartz. These larger structures are colloquially also called crystals, and their shape (called a crystal habit) is determined by the shape of the crystal lattice. The same crystal lattice can produce multiple different crystal habits, and it’s all very cool and complicated but I won’t go off on a tangent about it right now.

A substance does not have to form big structures like this to be scientifically considered a crystal. It just needs a crystal lattice!

A rock is a naturally occurring solid aggregate of minerals and/or mineraloids. It can be made of a single mineral, or a bunch of different minerals. But when made from a single mineral, it will not be one solid block of that mineral with an unbroken crystal lattice. Because it is an aggregate, it will be a bunch of micro- to macroscopic grains of that mineral all compacted together, each with their own individual crystal lattices.

Granite is a rock. It is made of grains of minerals such as quartz and feldspar.

Limestone is a rock. It is mostly made of grains of calcite.

So rocks can be made of crystals, but rocks are not crystals - in the same way that a house can be made of bricks, but a house is not a brick!

And this is just a very quick overview of these terms, because the scientific definitions can get increasingly pedantic and there are tons of weird exceptions! It is all very fascinating.

But of course, the word rock also has a colloquial definition, which is just… a chunk of that hard stuff the planet is made of! A mineral, a crystal, a fossil or a bio-organic solid… whatever! This is a rock collection and these are my rocks!

#rock collecting #red pen has cool rocks #talkin' bout rocks #i'm gonna get salty in the tags for a minute about that they're minerals marie meme and how utterly unrealistic it is #because literally everyone in this hobby just calls them rocks #and we all collectively understand that we're using the colloquial definition #it's bizarre to me that the show made that joke because arguing about semantics is honestly kind of a Fake Fan red flag at this point #like the only people who argue semantics about this are the crystal woo crowd who insist they're collecting 'crystals' #they're magical healing crystals marie

[iraprince]

speaking of fishtanks actually. if u have ever found yourself interested in keeping aquatic pets, but have held back bc ur unsure about a pet that u can't touch/interact with -- basically, about having a pet that will not be able to feel or express affection for you -- i really recommend u return to ur research and think about it just a little more.

it was a reservation i also had at first -- i'm used to mammals! things that snuggle with u and choose to spend time with u. but what i have discovered thru aquarium keeping is that there is a distinct but equally valuable feeling of love and peace and accomplishment from putting together a safe, beautiful environment for a group of creatures, for no reason other than to watch them enjoy it.

like, there are also aquatic pets that CAN and will socialize or behave in ways that can be understood as affectionate -- bettas will come to recognize you and usually greet their owners, a lot of more intelligent fish like cichlids etc have strong personalities, etc. you can find overlap between the experiences you'll have w aquatic + non-aquatic pets. but that's not rly what i'm talking abt in this case!

like, i have really really enjoyed having shrimp, who frankly do not give a shit about me at all. they don't know i exist (beyond, like, 'Sometimes There Is A Large Shape Out There.') they don't even come up to the front glass in anticipation of food the way fish do -- they really do not interact with me in any capacity ever, aside from curiously checking out my tools when i'm doing maintenance on the tank.

but they're happy and healthy. they enjoy the shade under leaves the big cryptocoryne i planted in the back corner. they spend all day plucking algae off the three glass walls that i purposefully leave unscraped to make sure they'll have enough. they go fucking apeshit when i grudgingly give them a little crumb of crappy pleco wafer, Junk Food Of The Sea. basically, they have a peaceful home that i made for them, and it seems like they like it quite a bit. it's really really nice to be the silent custodian of a little ecosystem like that.

#this probably should be going on my personal instead of here but here is where we are talking about aquariums so w/e #but if this turns into 'how dare u say invertebrate pets don't care abt u' discourse or something i'm killing all of u and then myself #prep urself tho bc if u get shrimp specifically u WILL have to fake smile thru endless jokes abt eating them every single time someone- #-finds out you keep shrimp. that is the toll to be paid.

[pochapal]

btw for reference Here are all the spoiler glimpses of beatrice's form i've been accidentally exposed to for the sake of transparency and also so you can know how surreal/funny it is for me to be unravelling the meaning of this vicious murderwitch in canon while also seeing occasional iceberg tips of what seems to be some kind of extremely thorough and comprehensive blorbo memeification going on. i think you guys are doing some breaking bad fandom shit to this woman.

#umineko liveblog #one's the icon of the exe file of the game so unavoidable #and one was a random pfp so only having two legit spoilers sent my way isn't a bad track record #pointedly Not thinking too deeply about any of this to not ruin anything for myself #but i will say i'm very amused by how beatrice is seemingly presented as this whimsical jester-like figure who is pro trans rights #very funny considering her only confirmed action in the story was to viciously and spitefully murder a dysphoric twink (kanon) #how fake trans rights beatrice fans look when a REAL murderwitch rocks up #none of this is influencing my thinking since it's obviously all out of context Jokes with no basis in canon #but i think the discrepancy between the presentation of beatrice in the text (elusive haunting horror figure) #and the presentation of beatrice in this limited slice of fandom memes (silly girl. trans ally?) is baffling and fascinating #of course it shouldn't need saying but do NOT discuss anything about this where i can see it #i'm still god knows how long away from beatrice showing up. and probably way further away from understanding even half of these jokes #this is just a curiosity i'm stating for the record and not an invitation for discussion for a long while yet #also bets on whether or not i will see yet another accidental beatrice spoilerimage before i get to the real deal in my readthrough lmao

[james-stark-the-writer]

19:45 into the absolute rom-com classic Jaane Tu... Ya Jaane Na bc i wanted to feel good today and revisit a little bit of nostalgia and i was in the romcom mood so. here we are. anyway, this movie is like Camp Excellence, and also astonishingly well directed, i'm glad young me had great taste, this movie is very much from the year 2008, but, along with Mamma Mia! which somehow also released in 2008, nothing else even comes close to making me love love and life as this does.

#james talks #james watches stuff #jaane tu ya jaane na #jaane tu... ya jaane na #guess something about 2008 movies just hits different #also yeah i did chuckle at the gay joke. it's from 2008 guys. let it go. #and Ratna is just playing a toned down Maya Sarabhai and i'm having a blast #but also her getting fake mad at Jai to stop him from dreaming about his father triggered like real PTSD in me lmao #asian parents are the fucking worst. #they'll say shit like 'i can't believe you'd dream about that. i'm so disappointed you even had that thought' and genuinely mean it lmao #anyway banger songs great acting really good direction and writing AND they synthesized a literal audience and made it work!!!! #you want me to be normal about romance? you want someone who grew up on Imran Khan romcoms to be normal about romance????

[kaiasky]

literally so many words have been spilled on egg discourse and whether Egg Accusations are Always Good or Never Acceptable when the answer continues to just be. 'it's generally good to treat people in ways that make them feel respected and happy'.

#ftr the official kaiasky policy on kaiasky egg jokes is they have to actually be funny and not just like. oh ur nonbinary?? sounds fake #but i get sometimes it's too perfect. if I'm complaining abt acne 'oh there's a medication that really helps with that' <- fair play #kaia.mypost

[alexis-royce]

The Stede route was a tearjerker, but the Izzy route just got weird by the end tbh

#Our Flag Means Death #ofmd #stede bonnet #izzy hands #blackbeard #dating sim #Look everyone else gets to make jokes about fake visual novels #But I actually make VNs so I think I'm entitled to get to make the occasional fake screenshot and dream #picshuas

[mixelation]

Would you ever write Tori in a (semi)serious relationship, even as a joke?

writer would you ever

yeah, what do you think itatori is T-T she makes him a BABY and they RAISE IT TOGETHER

#there is a semi real chance of fake-slash-joke kakashi/tori in plasticity but i'm pretty committed to no actual ships #but im not opposed to shippy AUs #ask meme answer

[maulfucker]

This song is making me want to start yet another fic to never finish,, "Tell me... Where is your hideout? Who are we running from? I'm starting to think that you were right, and now I'm afraid of letting go of your hand...." Maul giving up on his Mandalore plan and deciding to just stalk Kenobi to tell him about his vision. Staying illegally in Obi-Wan's room because I love putting these guys in situations (and because Maul would NOT leave him alone until Obi-Wan actually accepted Maul is right, which he won't). Following Obi-Wan to Utapau and helping him escape after the clones attack, feeling equal parts vindicated and enraged (because he was proved right but Sidious still won). Them being on the run together....

#hm i should make an original post tag #maul #obi-wan #obimaul #<- probably but not necessarily. i can write non shipping fics i swear. #song is jamoga by selvagens à procura de lei #i love the original version but the acoustic version with roberta campos is also really really good #that part up there is the chorus and not the only part that's giving me fic vibes but it's the best example #''we were two winding roads seeking each other through separate ways... i thought you had blamed me‚ but no one had trapped me.. #you were the only one I could call the only one‚ and yet.. i stopped calling your name....'' #<- part that also makes me Think #back to story ideas i am also thinking about maul faking padmé's death on mustafar (with magick. because it's fun) #and padmé moving in with the larses. pretending to be beru's sister. raising luke there‚ both of them in hiding. #she would enjoy the simple life. it reminds her of her youth in naboo‚ before she became queen. #[... meanwhile maul and obi-wan are fighting for their lives] #i am a huge sucker for enemies to friends (to lovers) with these two #and i think having to live together in a small ship and shitty space hotel rooms would be great for bonding (joke) #(but i'm still shoving them in there) #what's more fun than roaming the galaxy with your worstie because you're both hiding from the government #bickering the entire time because you still lowkey want to kill each other

[fleshdyke]

#csa warning for tags #ughhh ik i was just talking abt this but man. Man. constantly bullied as a child + raped as a child is a brutal combo huh #completely irreversibly fucked up sense of intimacy. i dont want to have sex with anyone i dont care what ppl think of me looks wise but i #also care more than anything and want people to want me so bad #like when ur only experience with anyone at all finding you desirable is being raped at 6ish. fucks u up man #was constantly told by everyone i knew that i was undesirable from day fucking one. i was always the one ppl would dare their friends to #'ask out' bc everyone thought i was that bad. i never had those rumours of 'some boy likes you' without people laughing in the background #all of my friends. even the ones that were also weird kids and bullied etc etc always have stories of other kids having crushes on them or #whatever. and i just never had that. it feels like i missed out on something important #i want to be pursued by a guy i hate i want them to not leave me alone. i want to feel like im in danger. and i know how fucking disgusting #that is but i cant help it. like i feel like thats the only way im going to feel normal and wanted like theres not something inherently #wrong with me. and i know how dangerous that is but its not like it matters anyways bc still no one likes me at all. #and i know how stupid of a thing it is to obsess over like what am i 9 years old? but i just cant get it out of my head #like idk i feel like the only way im going to actually feel desirable at all is if someone tries to rape me again. or if i feel like i have #to worry about someone raping me again. i know i wouldnt feel that way if someone was like. nice about it. #bc if someone genuinely liked me and was a decent human being about it i wouldnt be able to see it as anything other than faking it for pit #i wouldnt be able to believe it. even if i wasnt waiting for them to drop the joke and start laughing at me i would always think it was jus #an act bc they feel bad for me. the only way i could ever think it's genuine and that i'm desirable at all is if someone sexually #harassed me. like idk how to explain it but thats the only way i could feel desirable at all #bc it's the only way i've ever been desirable. when i was a kid. #and it terrifies me so bad bc i know how fucking disgusting that is and how self destructive it is #but i still feel like i dont even have to really worry about being assaulted. bc i still believe im completely undesirable at my core. #i dont believe i could be desired so i dont believe i have to worry about being raped. bc no one would want to anyways #rambles #vent

[pocketramblr]

I tried but couldn't add any words to my "for legal purposes Tensei had to marry Masaki" fic however different idea: au where Masaki and Tensei said they'd marry each other if both reached 30 single, and Masaki is now just like "ah ha he's going to be dating someone in two years tho right. In eighteen months right. In one year right-"

#huh. seems like the setup for these two is always something contrived. #'I'm involved in a case and you're the prime suspect even tho we both know the secret third answer to who did it' #'i gotta marry this guy because he could put me in jail if i don't' #'haha we said we would marry each other but it was a joke right. right. you were joking at least right.' #heck maybe even the vampire au counts in this trend #now of course: i don't care and it amuses me how contrived i can make it #but i am also curious why them etc etc you know #Masaki delima of the hour: if i don't get a fake boyfriend right now I'll have to reckon with the real love of my life confirming whether #or not he was joking whenever they made that dumb bet promise thing #which #considering the poor man is a stress blorbo #that's honestly a way better situation than the others i stick him in #he'd still be approximately the same amount of anxious tho fhfhgjh

[hamartia-grander]

Why are joking about being a misogynist. Why are you joking about hating women. Why are you joking about being a "men's rights activist". Why are you using the phrase "girl [x]". Why are you perpetuating misogyny in a morbidly palatable manner on purpose. I'm. Am I in another world rn. What the fuck is going on.

#I have had to see several of the above examples on tumblr and it's been increasing recently literally what the fuck is happening #Yeah your mom is a douche but joking that she's gonna make you hate women??? Do you have a brain that you use /ref #Yeah you hate Taylor swift bc she's a fake feminist but joking ab “becoming a misogynist” as a result are you fucking kidding me #Yeah ppl hating on men sucks and hurts trans men but aligning yourself with mra bullshit?? Are you stupid. #Etc etc #I'm just appalled. Like what #It's so beyond not fucking funny in the slightest #feminism

[garciapimienta]

also I love when masia players feed into my superiority complex

#this is a joke but I do love that when everyone is like 'random kid' i'm like 'well actually i've been talking about him for ages !!!! #he may be random to you but I have been screaming about him for years #this is why I dont get people who say caring about la masia is just like faking it like no it's because I get to enjoy seeing these little #boys' careers grow and i get to see them evolve and get their moments to shine #there's also a lot of suffering for the ones who don't get that but you know it's such a sweet moment when someone you've been following #since they were kids gets their moment #that said I also LOVE the fermins #those players no one (or almost no one) and especially not me thought would make it #who surprise me and it's just so heartwarming #i love being proved wrong by kids who i didnt bet on #la masia #fcb #bar v ath #barça #fc barcelona #marc guiu