#jj maybank x sister!reader

[alyswritings]

First Period

Request: Could you write a fic where jj maybanks little sister gets her first period and her dad finds out and makes her feel really bad about it but then jj makes her feel better?

JJ Maybank x sister!reader

Summary: Y/N gets her first period.

Warnings: luke being a dick

(gif not mine)

Y/N walks into the bathroom, pulling her pants down and sitting on the toilet. She looks down, her eyes widening at the red stain in her underwear. Her heartrate picks up, the girl quickly pulling her pants up and turning around in the mirror, seeing the red substance on the back of her pajama pants.

"No. No, no, no." She mumbles, rushing to her bedroom. She pulls the blankets back, the blood on her sheets. "Fuck." She whispers, feeling panic start to build up. She doesn't have any items to help her or prepare her for this. JJ's not even home, the boy having to work, reluctantly leaving his sister home alone with the siblings' dad.

Y/N whines as she considers going to get Luke. Maybe he's in a rare moment of sobriety and would help her. She goes to leave the room, but stops as music starts to blast letting her know she's not getting her wish.

She contemplates texting JJ, but knows they need the money and she shouldn't make him leave early, especially for something that isn't life or death.

The girl jumps as the door slams open, her father storming in.

"The fuck you doing, you useless little bitch? You were supposed to get those damn dishes done." Luke sneers, grabbing a fistful of her hair making her cry out.

"I-I'm sorry. I'll do them now." Y/N whines in pain.

"You bet your stupid ass you will." Luke seethes, Y/N flinching as spit flies onto her face. Luke starts to drag her out but notices the stain on her bed. "The fuck is that?"

"I-I got my period." Y/N admits with a shaky voice, avoiding eye contact.

"Ugh." Luke grimaces. "Don't you have shit for that?" He questions, shoving her back.

"N-no. No, this-- it's my first one." Y/N says. "I didn't-- I didn't know it happ-" She flinches as Luke punches the wall, creating a hole the size of his fist.

"You fucking idiot! You're supposed to know better when it comes to all that nasty shit!" Luke shouts.

"I'm sorry." Y/N whimpers, tears springing to her eyes.

"Don't fucking cry, you little crybaby!" He roars in her face, Y/N doing her best to hold her tears back. "Fucking stupid disgusting little bitch. God." He storms out, slamming the door shut behind him. He raises the volume on his stereo, Y/N covering her ears to block the noise out, quietly sobbing to herself.

---

JJ quietly walks into the house, listening to the silence. He waits a moment, hearing the snores emitting from his father in the living room. He gently shuts the door and creeps through the house, keeping his eyes on his dad to make sure he doesn't wake up.

Ditching his bag in his bedroom, he goes to Y/N's room, gently knocking on the door before opening it and going in, shutting the door. He looks around, frowning when he spots Y/N curled up on the floor on a blanket, her head on her knees.

"Hey." JJ gently calls, Y/N's head shooting up, the boy only growing more worried at the tear stains on her face. He glances up, noticing the hole in the wall that he knows wasn't there before. "Did he hit you?"

Y/N sniffles as she shakes her head, relaxing JJ only the slightest.

"What happened, kid?" JJ asks, crouching in front of her, brushing some of her wet hair away from her face.

"I-I got my period." Y/N mumbles, sniffling. JJ's eyes widen momentarily, not expecting that answer.

"O-okay." He says. "What happened?"

"He got really mad." She says, her voice only a broken whisper. JJ sighs, grimacing at her having to deal with Luke.

"C'mere." He tries to pull her into a hug, but she pulls back.

"No." She whines. "No, I'm disgusting."

"No, you're not." JJ denies. "This is a normal process for girls, you're not disgusting." He assures.

"No, it-- it's in my underwear and on my shorts. That's why I have the blanket, I didn't wanna stain the floor." She starts to cry as she rants. "And it's-- I didn't know what to do, we haven't actually talked about this. And it's all on my bed." She sobs, JJ finally able to pull her into a hug. He gently shushes her as she cries into his shoulder, his hand resting on the back of her head and stroking her hair.

"You're okay." JJ mumbles in her ear. "You're okay. It's okay." JJ continues to hold her until her cries start to cease.

"Okay. Hey." He pulls away, smoothing her hair down. "Get changed, clean up however much you need to, put some toilet paper in your underwear, and-- and if you're okay with it, I'll call Sarah and Kie and get them to help out with-- with the whole... supply thing. Cause I can comfort you, but I know there's a lot of options and I don't know shit about any of them." He admits gaining a watery giggle from his sister.

"That's fine." She nods, rubbing her nose and sniffing.

"Okay." JJ nods. "And pack a bag. We're going to the chateau." He states.

"What about the sheets?" She asks.

"Uh... I'll throw 'em in a trash bag and we can wash them there." JJ says. "I'll handle everything. Just get ready." Y/N nods and JJ kisses her on the forehead before leaving to let her get changed.

---

After a somewhat long trip to the store with Kie and Sarah on FaceTime, the two siblings managed to get the correct items. JJ didn't realize how much they would cost, using the last bit of money he had for them and a candy bar Y/N was eyeing at the counter.

The two are at the chateau and Y/N had taken a shower, taking care of everything while JJ put her sheets in the washer.

Them, Pope, and John B are hanging around as they wait for the other two girls to get here for a movie night.

"Hey." Sarah greets with a smile as she walks in.

"Hey, boys, Y/N/N." Kie smiles, walking in, her arms holding a few pizza boxes and six pack of beer along with a six pack of Y/N's favorite soda.

They get greeting in return, John B taking the pizzas from Kie and putting them on the coffee table.

"And this is especially for you." Sarah smiles, holding a basket out to Y/N. The younger girl lights up at her favorite snacks in the basket, along with a few period products and some painkillers. "A care package."

"Yeah. And if you have any questions, need any help, or anything, you know you can always come to us." Kie assures, smiling softly at the younger girl.

"Thank you." Y/N grins, getting up and hugging them both, the older two returning her hug with tight embraces.

"Here, baby Maybank." John B holds out a plate of pizza out to her, sliding a soda can over to her side of the table.

"Thanks." Y/N mumbles, accepting the plate and sitting back down.

'Thank you.' JJ mouths to his two female friends, both of them giving him smiles and nods.

"Can you sit with me?" Y/N hopefully looks up at Sarah.

"Yeah, of course." Sarah grins.

"Oh, come on." John B whines.

"Sorry, John B. I'm spoken for." Sarah shrugs, sitting next to the tween, rubbing her leg for a short comforting moment.

JJ reaches out and gets his own food and a beer, ruffling Y/N's hair before he sits back down.

#jj maybank #jj maybank x sister reader #jj maybank x sister!reader #outer banks #obx #obx jj #outer banks jj #kie carrera #sarah cameron #pope heyward #john b routledge

[obxsummer]

Break in the Line // The Pogues

pairing: platonic!pogues x maybank!reader

summary: having the maybank name attached to you was a curse. you've never had to pay for it until a drug dealer decides to take his revenge against your brother and dad out on you.

warnings: physical violence, cursing

navigation 

--

When people heard the name Maybank, it generally didn’t mean anything good. Luke Maybank was a local piece of shit and JJ Maybank did enough to get himself into trouble more often than not. The one time the name meant something good, was when it applied to you. You weren’t your brother and you definitely strayed from your dad at every moment possible. People questioned often how you managed with an out-of-control sibling and a drug addict father, but it never seemed like that for you. Sure, your dad sucked, but JJ never seemed too out of grasp for you. In fact, your brother was one of your best friends, but that didn’t mean you had to act like him or vice versa.

The Pogues looked to you more often than not to keep them from doing something stupid, which happened more than it should. In turn, they tried to keep you from their shenanigans as much as possible. You didn’t mind when they did things that were slightly illegal but at some point, you had enough with the crazy adrenaline and left them to their own devices. 

You weren’t oblivious though, as much as you wish you didn’t know what they got themselves involved in. You knew your dad painted a large target on yours and JJ’s back with the way he acted. Hence, the situation you found yourself in right now.

The day had started off fine. You were hanging out with the Pogues on the boat, happily content with the sun on your skin and the laughter of your friends surrounding you. These were the moments you savoured, when you could just act like kids and not have to stress about life at home or where you would get your next meal. 

“Y/N, heads up!” You barely had time to open your eyes before a beer can was being tossed your way. Cold ice dropped on your skin from the drink as you sat up to shake the cold water away.

“I know you did not just throw my sister a beer, John B.”

You rolled your eyes. “Chill out, JJ.” You glared at him from behind your sunglasses, annoyed with the off and on babying he often treated you with. You guys weren’t too far apart in age but JJ took every opportunity to annoy the shit out of you when he could. 

You’d grown comfortable being around your brother and friends for majority of your life. You had known John B since you were practically born with Pope and Kie close behind. Sarah was the newest addition but the two of you formed a relationship relatively quick. She understood what it was like to be on the shy side and a little more introverted. The others definitely were not in that boat in the slightest.

“Sooo,” Kie pulled the attention back as she sat down from getting her drink. “There’s a kegger tonight and I think it’s pretty much obvious that we should go.”

“I’m down,” John B instantly agreed, lifting his drink in agreement.

Pope shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t have to help Pops at all so count me in.”

“It’s not like I have shit to do so.” JJ turned his hat backwards as he looked over to where you were opening your drink. “Y/N?”

You hummed for a moment in thought. “I don’t know, guys. I might just crash at the Chateau for movie night.” In your defense, you’d spent the entire week with the group nonstop. Minus the few classes you didn’t have with one of them, you’d seen them every day and quite frankly, your social battery was past empty.

“I’m with Y/N,” Sarah raised her hand slightly only to be hit with a groan from her boyfriend. “Seriously, John B. You guys can go and Y/N and I will chill until you get back. It’ll be fine.”

It took a little bit of persuading but eventually, the rest of the gang piled in the Twinkie to head to the kegger while you and Sarah bundled up for a classic movie night. JJ said something about not burning the house down on his way out, to which you flipped him off in return. Sarah managed to find some not-expired popcorn in the cabinet and made it for the two of you before you settled in to watch your film.

“I’m really grateful you’ve been spending time with everyone,” Sarah spoke up about halfway through the movie. I gave her a deadpanned look. She shoved your shoulder lightly in return. “Seriously. I know it’s not really much of your scene but it’s nice to have another person around to buffer the chaos.”

You shook your head. “I definitely had my fair share. I’m just glad you backed me up about staying in tonight. They can go-go-go nonstop and I need a six day recovery inbetween school days.”

Sarah opened her mouth to respond to you but was cut off by a crashing noise coming from outside. The two of you froze, staring at each other in horror for a moment. You waited for a second before moving slowly and opening the patio door, wishing for once JJ was here with his gun. Sarah moved quietly behind you as you stepped down onto the grass.

“Who’s there?” You tried to make your voice seem menacing, to show no fear. You were terrified.

“There she is, there she is.” Your heart dropped at the sight of Barry jumping from around the corner with a clear taste for vengeance in his eyes. “Just the Maybank I was looking for.”

“What do you want, Barry?” You backed up slightly as he neared you. “I don’t have anything to do wit-”

He laughed and rubbed his hands together as he took you in. You felt small in your oversized sweats and a t-shirt that definitely belonged to one of the boys. “See, that’s the thing, princess. You seem to have everything to do with this.”

A harsh slap to your cheek had you cowering back, Sarah gasping out your name as she moved to your side to hold your arm. The two of you weren’t prepared for something like this in the slightest. 

“Your shitty ass father didn’t give me my money, your brother still owes me, and since they seemingly aren’t bothered by it, I’m gonna send them a message instead.”

Barry ripped you out of Sarah’s arms and threw you to the ground before you had a chance to defend yourself. The pain came soon after, moving faster than you could keep up with. Punch after punch becoming numbing. You could vaguely hear Sarah’s shouts to stop but Barry was determined.

A sharp hand around your throat chopped your airflow off before Barry lifted you off the ground and slammed your back against the house. Eyes blurry with tears, you did your best to look him in the eye and act like you weren’t afraid, weren’t fearful that he could easily kill you.

“Sorry to mess up your face, princess. It’s nothing personal,” Barry let out a sick laugh before releasing you to the ground. You could hear the crunch of his footsteps as he ran away. 

“Y/N, Y/N.” Sarah’s hands were shaky as she kneeled next to you. “I-I called John B and JJ, a-and Kie and Pope but nobody’s answering!”

You coughed aggressively once you got air back into your lungs. “Inside,” You choked out as you let Sarah pull you to your feet. A small yelp left your mouth as your left ankle gave out but your friend was quick to step in and help you inside.

Sarah was absolutely panicking as she helped you settle on the pull-out that the two of you had previously occupied for movie night. You hissed as you settled into the mess of pillows and blankets but thanked her regardless.

“You okay? What can I do?” Sarah ran over with a mix of frozen vegetables and ice packs that she could find before she was applying them to your already bruising skin.

“I’m okay,” You mumbled as you accepted a bag of frozen peas for your throbbing black eye. “Did JJ answer yet?”

Sarah took a quick glance at her phone before shaking her head. As much as she wanted to believe you, she could tell you clearly weren’t holding up well. Moving into the bathroom, she found some painkillers and some relatively new first-aid supplies that she figured would help. 

You tried not to panic about what had just happened but in the silence of the room, your mind started wandering. What if Barry found JJ next? Did your dad set the two of you up? Would he come back if this pattern continued? You would do anything for JJ, that much was guaranteed, but you weren’t up for taking shots meant for your father. 

“Whew! That was a good one if I can say so.” JJ’s voice rang through your ears just as Sarah was returning with some meds for you to take. You knew shit would hit the fan the second JJ, John B, and Pope caught sight of you. Sarah offered you a cup of water to take the pills with when the screen door swung open.

“What the fuck?!” Your brother’s yell rattled around the house as soon as he caught sight, causing you to wince at the sharp noise. “What happened?”

“Why are you yell-” John B’s question was cut off as he entered his home to see his girlfriend with various bandages and meds before his eyes drifted to your bruised and battered body. “Okay. What the hell happened?”

You groaned, “Please stop yelling, holy shit.” Kie rushed around the boys to climb on the other side of you. Her hand was gentle as possible as she took the frozen veggies from your hand so they could assess the damage.

“Who did this?” Pope’s question was demanding as he stood behind the other two boys, the three of them radiating enough anger to wipe out the island. 

“Barry,” Sarah answered softly. She and Kie made moves to help you sit up as easily as possible to pull your shirt from your frame, leaving you in a sports bra with more bruises filling into view.

Pope shuffled over next, pushing pillows behind your back so you could lean against them a bit more comfortably. He took some of the supplies from Sarah’s hands and gently applied some Neosporin to the small cut on your cheek from Barry’s rings. 

JJ’s vision was red as he took in the sight of you. He was supposed to stop this from happening, supposed to protect you as your older brother from the shitty people in your life. This was never supposed to happen. “I’m going to fucking kill him. Let’s go, John B.” The threat was real, all of you knew that. Once JJ got in a mindset like this, it was hard to pull him out of it. 

“Jayje.” 

The nickname was quiet coming from you. It was enough to snap him out of his rage for a moment, taking a second to consider his actions before he was replacing Kie’s spot and holding an ice pack against your injuries. He could see the heaviness in your eyes and knew it was taking a toll.

“I know you’re tired, but you have to stay awake.” JJ watched as you took a shaky breath but nodded slightly to him nonetheless. “Tell me what happened.”

Sarah had wrapped herself in John B’s arms, still shaken at the turn of events. “We were just watching the movie and heard this crashing noise from outside, so we went to investigate. Barry showed up right after.”

“Said it was a message to you and Dad,” You finished her story and blinked up at your brother with teary eyes. “I’m scared, J. What if he comes back?”

JJ was fighting every urge to bust through the door and teach the drug dealer exactly who he was messing with. He knew it wasn’t the time or place. “Not gonna happen. Not with me here, okay? I’m sorry, Y/N. I should’ve been here.”

“It’s not your fault. He’s a raging psychopath, can’t exactly predict when he’s coming. Just promise me you won’t do something stupid? Any of you.” Your comment was directed to the three boys, more so John B and JJ knowing they would take off as soon as you fell asleep. 

It took some convincing for everyone to settle down and eventually, the six of you agreed to finish the movie you and Sarah had started hours before but never finished. You had fallen asleep soon after, wrapped in various blankets and tucked in between JJ and Kie as the sound of the TV lulled you into a deep slumber.

JJ was still raging, even if he wouldn’t admit it. He couldn’t stand the thought of someone putting their hands on you in regard to the shitty things he and your dad did. It made him sick to think that you would pay for their mistakes. You, who had absolutely nothing to do with the chaos he put you through.

John B glanced back at your brother, having a sense that he hadn’t let it drop. One look from JJ confirmed the Routledge boy’s suspicion: nobody messed with their baby Pogue and they’d make sure of it.

--

navigation 

#outer banks x reader #obx x reader #outer banks writing #outer banks #outer banks imagine #outer banks one shot #obx2 #obx #obx imagine #jj maybank #john b routledge #jj maybank x sister!reader #maybank!reader #kiara carrera #pope heyward

[rafesveryrealgf]

Brothers keeper

(JJ Maybank x sister!reader)

Warnings: NON CANON, bruises, physical abuse (Luke abusing JJ),, crying, angst, curse words

Synopsis: you were JJ’s older sister, away at college for the semester, when you came back to notice, your brother was all beat up.

A/N: got a soft spot for JJ ngl

You were dreading the long drive from college in Charleston, back to your home in outer banks.

but, nonetheless you were excited to see your little brother, JJ.

You told your brother, to call you if your dad had given him any problems, and of course, he told you he would.

You’d just hoped he hadn’t just said that only to ease your mind while you were away at college.

It had been a few months, and you hadn’t received any calls from JJ so, you were hoping that meant Luke had become less hard on your brother or just wasn’t home enough to have something to bitch about.

Once you pulled into the familiar driveway on the cut, you hesitated to get out the car for a second, not knowing if were ready to face your shitty father.

You popped your trunk before hopping out, making your way to the back to get your belongings.

You took your bag in one hand as your other hand closed the trunk.

you saw your brother stumble out of the home just as the trunk slammed closed, causing JJ to quickly turn towards you, not long after, your dad stumbled after JJ, down the porch stairs then grabbed JJ, and shook him a bit with a finger pointed in his face.

Nothing had changed, you noticed.

They were both clearly distraught at each other, but Luke’s face softened when he had finally followed JJ’s gaze to see you staring at them both with a wondering face.

“Y/n?” Luke called, letting go of JJ’s shirt, then walking closer to you.

You completely ignored him and walked up to your brother.

JJ’s face dropped when you got closer to him.

“What’s going on?” You very slightly tilted your head at your brother.

“Nothin’, y/n,” He said carelessly. “Just the same, old shit”

You didn’t miss the way he stared at his shoes as he talked.

“Dad, what happened?” You turned facing Luke, who still stood quietly behind you.

“Dumbass kid took my goddamn money.” He defended, throwing his index finger at JJ.

“Did..did you put your hands on him?”

It was nothing but silence from the both of them.

You turned back towards your brother and noticed his head was still down.

“JJ, look at me.” You pleaded.

He was hesitant for a moment.

“JJ. Look at me.” You were more stern with it this time.

You didn’t need to see his face to know what Luke had done at this point. The silence was loud enough, but you wanted to see the damage that had been done to his face still.

JJ slowly looked up from the ground with his lips pressed together as tears formed in his eyes.

Your heart saddened at the sight.

His eye was almost swollen shut, his lip was cut open, and his cheek was bruised.

“Goddamnit, JJ” You put both hands on either side of his face.

You turned around to confront Luke who was already dipping in his truck by that time, not wanting to hear yet another lecture about putting his hands on JJ.

JJ slightly pushed his head away from your hands to fix his gaze back to the ground.

You couldn’t be strong, and fight back the tears at this point.

You wanted to be strong for your brother, but just knowing this couldn’t have been the only time this happened while you were gone had you cursing at yourself for ditching your younger brother for college with an abusive asshole.

JJ was teary eyed.

he didn’t like when you saw him like this, it made him more emotional knowing Luke abusing him hurt you more than it did himself.

“God, I’m so..so fucking sorry-,” You began to say before he cut you off with a hug.

“Y/n — stop,” His voice cracked.

He rested his chin on your head.

You both were crying at this point.

You didn’t know how you were going back to school because you knew you couldn’t leave him with Luke, again.

“It’s not your fault.” He brought his hand up to your head, and began slowly stroking your hair as the other was wrapped around you.

“I should’ve never left you,” You sobbed.

He closed his eyes, nodding sideways in disapproval against your head, that was still nuzzled into his chest. “You can’t always protect me, y’know?”

He grabbed your shoulders, moving you back a little so you could see his face.

“I’ll beat his ass one day.” He smirked.

You chuckled a little at that.

You couldn’t tell if he was joking or not, but it had lightened your mood a bit to see him still acting like the same JJ he’d been before you left for college.

“Okay,” You murmured.

You nodded, before pulling him back into a hug.

This one was tighter.

“I missed you.” He murmured.

And even tho you couldn’t see him smiling, you could feel it as he said those three words.

#obx #outerbanks #jjmaybank #jj maybank #jj Maybank x reader #jj Maybank x sister!reader

[humblequestvinyl]

THE OUTER BANKS.

paradise on earth

jj maybank | ★- angst, ♡ - fluff

i can't love you anymore - ♡ - no matter how much she's tried, y/n can't love JJ anymore than she does now.

humble quest - ★ - after john b's disappearance, and the death of her father, y/n routledge is on a humble quest.

detour - ♡ - after moving a couple hundred miles, dealing with a few bad ex's and the road that's most traveled, y/n realizes it's the detour that brought her to the person she loved the most.

hummingbird - ♡ - when it's jj and y/n's daughter's fifth birthday, the two take a trip back down memory lane, remembering the 9 months before their daughter was born.

#obx jj maybank #jj maybank x you #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank #jj outer banks #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x sister!reader

[damonsalvitorewife]

Haileybuggs

All the pogues were coming back to the chateau when they saw a 14 year old girl with blonde blonde hair and big blue eyes.

Yo JB Is that Hailey? Pope asked.

I think so. 

Hey munchkin what are you doing sitting on the-

JJ  stops when he looks at his little sister’s face. Bruises everywhere,  the young girl has a bruise on her face, neck, arms, legs, and ribs. Her eyes are red and puffy from crying. She has tear lines running down her face.

Hailey What the hell happened? Are you okay? Who did this? He stops asking questions when the young girl leaps into his arms hugging him.  He immediately puts his hand around her holding her in a hug.

Hailey what happened? 

Hailey sighs. I… I was at sch….school and realized I bled through my pants so….. So I lef…left school coming here to change when I found out I didn't have any more clothes. I went home and Luke wasn’t there and… and I was about to walk out when …when he grabbed me by my hair and threw me into the window he kept hitting and kicking me before grabbing me by my hair and throwing me into the window. The.. the umm  window shattered and that's how I got away.

Where all are you hurt? 

My ribs, face, head and feet.

Your feet? How did you hurt your feet?

Well when the glass from the window broke I jumped up and ran away. I could feel the glass but I just kept running.  I got some  of the glass out but I got too scared to pull the big pieces out.

Are you okay?

Hailey hesitates before giving a sad smile. Yeah umm yeah I'm fine. But can we go inside? It's getting cold.

JJ carries his little sister inside. Puts her down on the couch. Before getting a glass of water and sitting next to her.

JJ puts his hand on her back making her jump. Hey shh shh it's me you're okay. He held her as she uncontrollably shaked.

After a few minutes in silence  Hailey takes a deep breath and says

 I want to take a shower.

Okay but we need to get the rest of the glass pieces out first. Okay? Kie can you go get a first aid kit and tweezers?

Yeah of course.

All the older teens look at the sad, and shaky young girl. With bruises and cuts all over her. Kie soon gets back with the tweezers and a first aid kit.

Thanks, kie. I can do it. Okay Haileybuggs, This is going to hurt. Okay?

JJ, I’m scared. Hailey says with tears rolling down her face.

If looking and this scared and sad little girl didn't hurt the rest of them those few words broke all their hearts.

I know. I know. He tells his sister as she starts crying into his chest. Shhh it's okay. You're okay. Do you want kie to do it and I can hold your hands. 

Y… yeah. The scared girl hiccuped.

Yeah? Okay I can hold your hands.

Okay Hailey, on the count of 3 I’m going to pull it out okay. Ready…1…2.. Kie pulls out the glass piece.

Hailey jumps a little  as kie pulls it out. 

I know I know it hurts. It's okay. You're okay. 

JJ I can’t get the next one she has to calm down and stop shaking.

Hailey? Hey honey you have to stop shaking. You have to calm down. you think you can do that?

I’m trying. I can’t stop. 

Okay. okay you're okay. 

JJ holds Hailey talking to her, calming her down. As kie pulls out the rest of the glass. After all the glass pieces are out, they all just sit there in silence. Hailey is still shaking and crying into JJ’s chest. 

After Hailey stops crying, JJ walks her to the guest room at John B’s.  I let you be then. Have a nice shower if you need anything let us know. 

Thank you.

What for?

For always being there for me, doing things for me, protecting me, and for always comforting me. 

Always. I love you.

I love you too. Will you get kie and sarah it's going to be hard for me to get undressed. 

Yeah. of course sis anything.

Hey, is she alright?

She is acting like she is fine but I doubt she really is. I mean JB could you be okay after that. Kie, Sarah she said to ask if yall could help her it's hard for her to lift her arms. 

Yeah of course!

After about 45 minutes Kie, Sarah , and Hailey all come out of the room and go sit on the couch. Kie sits by Pope. Sarah sits by John B. and Hailey sits by JJ. Pope and kie are talking in the kitchen. Sarah and John b are hanging by the TV. and Hailey’s head is on JJ's lap, she is holding onto his shirt and  he is rubbing her back with one hand and playing with her hair in the other.  

Jay is she asleep?

He looks down and sees you passed out on his lap.

Yep.  he says, giving her a kiss on her forehead.  I love you haileybug. 

I love you too. Hailey says in a tired voice. 

#jj maybank x reader #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank x sister!reader

[genuinerio]

YOUNG, WILD AND FREE ↠ 「 Outer Banks 」

Prologue and first chapter will be coming soon!

NOTE: I named my OC in honor of my favorite actor, River Phoenix, he will be dearly missed and beloved. May he rest peacefully. Also, decided to make her John B’s love interest.

Profile of River Maxine Maybank.

ABOUT ↴

FULL NAME: RIVER MAXINE MAYBANK ROUTLEDGE.

NICKNAMES: RIO, STARSHINE. (first jj, now kie, john b, pope and sarah), RIVER MAXINE. (everyone), RIO, RIV, KID, KIDDO, SUNFLOWER, MINI ME. (jj), SOUL SISTER. (kiara), SUNSHINE, ANGEL. (john b).

PLACE OF BIRTH: THE CUT, OUTER BANKS.

DATE OF BIRTH: UNKNOWN.

AGE: SIXTEEN.

GENDER: FEMALE.

EYE COLOR: BLUE.

HAIR COLOR: BLONDE.

HEIGHT: 5’8.

STATUS: ALIVE.

EDUCATION: KILDARE COUNTY HIGH SCHOOL. (currently).

ORGIN: OUTER BANKS.

RESIDENCE: THE CUT, OUTER BANKS.

SKILLS: ART, CREATIVITY, WRITING.

STRENGTHS: SURVIVING ABUSE, BEING ARTISTIC, HIGH PAIN TOLERANCE, CONFIDENT AND BRAVE.

WEAKNESSES: LETTING HERSELF BE ABUSED, PROMISCUITY WITH FEARING COMMITMENT AMONG BEING REBELLIOUS, FEARING TO LET ANYONE BE TRULY CLOSE BESIDES HER BROTHER AND BEING SELF DESTRUCTIVE.

HOBBIES: HANGING OUT WITH HER FRIENDS AND BROTHER, DRINKING ALCOHOL, PLAYING GUITAR, PAINTING, SKETCHING, SMOKING WEED AND CIGARETTES AMONG PARTYING, SURFING.

GOALS: GETTING HER AND JJ TO LEAVE THEIR ABUSIVE HOUSEHOLD AND TAKE VENGEANCE AMONG THEIR FATHER, NOT BEING AFRAID OF COMMITMENT AS WELL AS BECOMING A PROFESSIONAL ARTIST.

PERSONALITY TYPE: ENFP.

FAMILY: LUKE MAYBANK. (father), UNKNOWN MOTHER. (estranged), JJ MAYBANK. (twin brother), RICKY. (cousin).

FRIENDS: JJ MAYBANK. (brother, best friend), KIARA CARRERA. (best friend, like a sister), JOHN B ROUTLEDGE, best friend, eventual love interest), POPE HEYWARD. (best friend, like a brother), SARAH CAMERON. (best friend), CLEO. (friend).

ENEMIES: LUKE MAYBANK. (currently), RAFE CAMERON. (currently), TOPPER THORNTON. (formerly), WARD CAMERON. (currently).

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: PANSEXUAL.

LOVE INTERESTS: JOHN B ROUTLEDGE. (eventual husband, not legally), VARIOUS MEN AND WOMEN. (hookups, flings).

AFFILIATION: POGUES. (currently).

FIRST APPEARANCE: PILOT.

LATEST APPEARANCE: SECRET TO THE GNOMON.

FACE CLAIM: KATHRYN NEWTON.

FACTS ABOUT RIVER:

1. River is named after famous actor and namesake, River Phoenix who is also the older brother of Joaquin Phoenix. The name has various meanings, in a general aspect it means a flowing body of water and in a symbolic meaning, it means flowing freely, being connected to nature and having depth.

2. JJ frequently refers to her as his “mini me,” despite the fact that they’re twins and she is only younger than him by ten minutes for the reason given above. Another thing is that if he had to choose, he’d pick River as he sees his sister as the female version of himself like others see him as hers which annoys her constantly.

3. Like my other Outer Banks OC and Kiara, she is known to have a hippie soul, vibe and personality to her as she loves nature and is spiritual.

4. Because of the clear similarity and resemblance especially in looks to her mother, this causes River problems with Luke.

5. River is considered and viewed to be the female version of twin brother, JJ with the two sharing blue eyes and blonde hair along with other characteristics. One in particular is the protectiveness and defending for one another and their friends. However, unlike JJ, she is not as quick tempered as him but rather, likes to keep her anger and sorrows to herself.

6. Despite their extremely close bond and protectiveness of each other, River is oftentimes annoyed by JJ’s overprotective behaviour towards her with her feeling that he views her as a baby and acts like her father rather than her actual brother who’s the same age as her. At first, she understood it as a young child but she no longer is a child nor the little girl she once was.

7. Growing up, River was very shy and only really would talk and open up to JJ in spite of having other friends, it would just take her time to get comfortable with interacting with others and in gaining the confidence to trust them.

8. Because of the abusive and toxic environment, her and JJ were raised in, she feels that it had caused her major issues when it comes to relationships among other issues. People consider River to have major daddy and trust issues.

9. Regardless of them both being best friends with the pogues, River considers JJ to be her bestest friend of them all with Kiara, John B and Pope following suit and vice versa.

10. It’s pointed out that JJ clearly cares more about River’s wellbeing than his own and loves her a lot, JJ would do whatever for her. He also sees her as having great potential in anything that she’d like to pursue as he views her as very intelligent and is willing to support her through it all. In favour of this, River appreciates this but feels awful that JJ doesn’t see himself as having much potential or others not seeing him as so either when she believes he could have potential if he worked hard for it.

11. Despite how close they are as a whole, River and Pope are always considered to be each other’s “partner in crime” when it comes to important matters as they are both very smart for being pogues and are typically the ones to be the most reasonable in difficult situations.

12. It’s clear that River tries her best in trying to see other people’s perspectives especially JJ with his crazy antics. She doesn’t want it to make it seem like her brother is alone in his ideas even if they’re not the best ones or that she agrees with them.

13. River always saw JJ as the closest thing she had to a father since despite the two being the same age given that they’re twins, he always cared for her in a way that she once hoped that Luke would have and in a way that a loving father would care for their daughter.

14. The female Maybank is an old soul as she is very empathetic and compassionate to those that she cares deeply for. She has been noticed to be very wise beyond her years as well as caring more about her inner self than her outer self.

15. When they were children, JJ had taught River to surf once he learned himself and ever since then, it was a hobby that the two shared. JJ has said a few times that he believes River is a better surfer than he is, however; River disagrees and explains that she is good but JJ is in fact better.

16. Besides his other two nicknames for her, JJ calls her “sunflower,” as he says that River is someone who can brighten up their day, everyone adores her and is her favorite type of flower.

17. Before she and JJ became friends and grew to know John B and Pope, she’d cling to JJ as a child. Thus possibly hinting to a case of abandonment issues.

#outer banks #outer banks imagine #outer banks fanfic #outer banks fanfiction #jj maybank #jj maybank x oc! #jj maybank x sister!reader #jj maybank x sister!oc #john b routledge #john b routledge x maybank!reader #john b routledge x maybank!oc #pope heyward #pope heyward x maybank!oc #pope heyward x maybank!reader #kiara carrera #kiara carrera x maybank!reader #kiara carrera x maybank!oc #outer banks x oc! #outer banks x maybank!oc #outer banks x maybank!reader #oc: river maybank #oc: river maxine #oc: river maxine maybank #character profile #river maybank #river maxine #kathryn newton #john b routledge imagine #my writing

[vampiretendencies]

request; jj blurb idea! wearing his clothes for the first time/him seeing you in his clothes for the first time. maybe showering at the chateau but you didn’t bring anything so he gives you a tshirt! hehe literally kicking my feet under the table rn

pairing; jj x fem!reader

warnings; fluff, maybe suggestive

authors note; i was doing the same when you sent this anon in love with this idea ! (req a blurb from below w what’s left on the prompt list, or send in blurb, imagines, & fic ideas) a few more hours until season 3!

other ways to say i love you prompt list

The opportunity to wear JJ’s clothes tainted your thoughts undoubtedly.

Not only because it belonged to him but because everything about JJ’s wardrobe, is so JJ.

No problem with repping any and everything that belonged to your infamous boyfriend. Wether it be wearing his pair of boxers as shorts, a wife beater to slumber in, or a random tee shirt to go out in broad day light.

You just longed for his material to be around your figure.

Congenial and adequate, soft yet comfortable— all elements of his clothes that are alike with JJ.

They are his clothes, after all.

“JJ let go of me!”

Stood smack in the the middle of JJ’s room at the chateau. His window partially open, wind bristling from the night air, making its way through. Whilst the hard wood floors beneath the two of you tracked the imprints of your feet. Bed rolled around in, from you forcing JJ off of you then— merely to let you get up and off of the bed to shower, that you did. Since you came out though, wearing little clothing, (given that there wasn't much of your own items lying around at the Chateau) he hasn't let you be.

He encapsulates you with his sinewy arms, body swallowing you whole. Whilst you forcefully push your hands against his broad, shirtless chest— the skin mellow and thick. Indentations of your miniature hands marking his skin, like your were a rag doll; screaming for dear life.

All JJ could muster was a low, raspy chuckle.

“Say you won’t leave.”

JJ wanted to make love to you all day long.

Not sex.

But emotionally.

To emotionally make love, to have and hold. A day full of luster, every millisecond spent around or with you. To confide in and maybe even shrink you and put you in his pocket.

A keepsake.

“You know I can’t, I don’t have another change of clothes.”

Behind every ‘can’t’ JJ miraculously finds a way, opportunity at hand to see you clad in something of his.

“Lets find you something of mine?”

JJ flicks his tongue, peering down at you due to the fact that he knows he’s won and you aren’t moving a muscle. His hands maneuver themselves to the lower part of your ass, hands habitually grasp the masses with a squeeze of his hands.

“Are you gonna’ give me something to wear then or what?”

You hid your secret giddiness inside, not wanting to be the one to initiate this sentiment— things seemingly working themselves out anyway.

“Actually, baby … just fuckin’ walk around naked … s’even better.”

He acknowledges the glint in your eye, possibly even a twitch that says, ‘get me some damn clothes before I wring your neck.’

“Okay okay, whatcha’ thinkin’ a little Heywards t-shirt action … Bait Shop shirt … ?”

He let go of you distastefully, instantly salivating for the contact again. Walking over to the wooden drawers of his dresser, pulling out multiple options— signaling you to come over and pick.

“Surprise me.”

And you turn around, facing the emptiness of his room, that wasn’t his room, but nonetheless. Rummaging was heard as he hummed and mumbled minuscule things to himself.

“Turn around, pretty girl.”

An off-black brownish t-shirt is thrown into your hands. A decor in the upper left side that read ‘Sex Wax Est 2005’, font circular and embellished with stars on either end.

“Your turn-“

He was already turning around, the gentlemen that he prided on being. You grinned at the cotton beneath your digits, bringing it up to your nose— though it had been washed, his powerful musk still retained it. The silky sensation of yeasty beer and a freshly rolled blunt encompassed your senses.

“Need more time?”

“Just a second, J.”

If only he knew your fixation was obsessive beforehand.

“I’ll just be here … y’know ... missin' my girl."

Feet away, physical touch being his love language fully had a choke hold on him per usual.

After you were done with your inspection you pulled the thin material of your cropped cami past your shoulders, bra clasped tight to your back. Leaving you to remove those lacey pocketed shorts that adorned your body; his shirt lazily pulled past your head, drowning you in its bigger size, falling just to your mid thigh.

The sole way to sleep with JJ disclosed.

You felt more his than you ever had in the past; claiming his array of bib and tucker with exuberance.

His baby suffocating in him.

You cleared your throat gesturing for him to turn around, his mouth gaping open as he's awe struck; open long enough that you were impressed something didn't fly in it.

"Shit you look better than me!"

Ogle eyes whilst his mouth formed a tight-lipped smile, stomach churning and insides wavering at the woman he chose to take part in his life with him.

It may be a shirt to most, but with his person inside of it made it all the more nostalgic, heart growing tender.

"C'mere gotta get a better look at you."

Following suit you step forward to him, lips instantly connecting with your jaw with pure infatuation.

"S'perfect baby."

"Yeah? Think I can pass as the new JJ Maybank?" In the same position the two of you were in minutes ago, except grins are wider and souls aching all the more for eachother; and you mocked him.

"Pass me a beer and a J."

#jj maybank imagines #outer banks #jj maybank #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank x you #obx3 #jj maybank angst #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank x oc #jj maybank x pogue!reader #jj maybank x sister reader #jj maybank x routledge!reader #jj maybank x kiara carrera #jj maybank x kook!reader #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank fic #jj maybank fanfiction #jj maybank blurb #jj maybank headcanons #jj maybank smut

[pank0w]

When you read a really good fic but then after ur done reading it, realising that it was a part of a series so now your dying because now you’ve ruined it.

#relateable #batmom #sam winchester x reader #sam winchester #sam winchester fluff #batman x reader #damian wayne x reader #marvel cast x reader #bale!batman x reader #whatever other tags you like #jensen ackles x reader #dick grayson fluff #batboys x reader #dick grayson x reader #damian wayne smut #batfam x batsis #damian wayne x sister!reader #willy wonka x reader #rudy pankow x reader #jason todd x reader #jared padalecki x reader #sam winchester smut #nightwing x reader #jj maybank x reader

[raribella]

Love is Embarrassing | JJ Maybank

summary: although JJ had promised your brother he wouldn’t ever hurt you, you saw him kissing Kie while you were on a break.

pairing: JJ Maybank x Routledge!reader

genre: emotionally heavy anst, fluff in the end

contains: reader being a real bitch, mentions of Luke and parental abuse, inspired by some songs in the album “GUTS” by Olivia Rodrigo, kinda shitty ending but let me know.

word count: 2,7k

author’s note: alright I know I’ve been MIA and a bitch and I haven’t posted anything in months (worse if you see how much stuff is on my “upcoming works” section), but I’ve just had a lot of ideas, little time and little confidence to write. one of my best friends just showed me obx and I’m in love with this blonde and I got (I think) a spoiler about him and Kie and I just had to do something with my feelings.

This is a work of fiction. I do not own the characters of Outer Banks nor any characteristic of the show. I am writing this story solely for my own entertainment and the marvel or comfort of any readers.

“If I fuck up with her that might as well be the last thing I do in my life, John B! I mean it!”

the words that JJ heatedly uttered to your twin brother the day he found out about the two of you were repeating over and over in your head right now. You remembered it all too well; John B was seething, absolutely pissed, seeing red. You and JJ Maybank knew each other for as long as he and your brother were best friends, when you turned 14, he declared to all the Pogues that you were off limits, and about two months ago, you and JJ started seeing each other. One month into it and JB discovered you, which was easy considering JJ already spent most of his time with both of you at the Chateau. JJ promised his best friend that he wouldn’t fuck up with you because two things mattered the most for him in this life; their friendship, and yourself.

But as of lately, he was having some problems with Luke and he asked for some time “out” so he could figure his shit out without involving or hurting you and you disagreed but you’d do pretty much anything in this world for this man so you decided to say yes.

To his bullshit.

Bullshit, you figured out about half an hour ago, when you heard a confusing conversation between him and Kiara – the perfect one – and when you went outside to track the noise, you saw them kissing.

You were fifteen minutes late to leave for the weekly kegger and you forced yourself to lock yourself in the bathroom and call in sick – because that you were, and you wouldn’t handle being out partying and pretending like seeing the kooks, and seeing them two wouldn’t make you feel the same type of nausea at this moment.

Sarah was the third person to try and make you get out of the bathroom. The first being your brother and the second, Pope. Although you were thankful neither JJ nor Kie had tried to talk to you, when you heard your best friend’s voice, you were actually starting to feel sick, you were having a migraine from holding tears up, and you were sweating.

“Y/n, come on! You were so excited to come not even an hour ago, we’re already late and I don’t see why wouldn’t you want to come”

Your vision was blurry as you palmed the door and laid your forehead on it. Sarah realized that you really weren’t coming when she heard your voice crack.

“Sarah please, just, go on out without me this one time, I need not to be there right now and I also need to be alone please don’t ask me questions I can’t handle to answer you this moment I promise-“

As you rambled, she frowned from the other side of the door. Making sure to get everyone to leave for the Kegger, to try and remember asking you about this later on, and to reassure John B that you were actually okay.

You’ve been successfully avoiding JJ for about two weeks now. It started with enough discretion, allegedly going to the bathroom every time he entered a room, or offering everyone any snacks you would spend too much time preparing in the kitchen. For him, it started getting obvious when you looked the other way when he looked at you at the beach, or when you refused to surf and, as of recently, started slamming the doors on him. JJ was getting pissed at this rate. He started by simply frowning and brushing it off, but you couldn’t just keep slamming doors and not even looking at him, and if everyone else noticed, they just wouldn’t budge! The worst part is that he didn’t know what had happened nor if he could fix it. You understood him when he told you he needed time to figure out some stuff with Luke, but the truth was he was still very much freaked out about that. He still loved you, and he couldn’t afford to see you like this anymore, especially when such behavior was being directed at him. JJ missed you. Even if he couldn’t really figure his shit out, he missed you screaming at the top of your lungs as you entered the sea, he missed your smile, your laidback grin that he was the only receiver of, he missed your colorful bikinis, and how they embraced your features as you would jump onto every wooden swing near the shore, your curly hair flying everywhere filled with salt spray. He just missed you, the real you. And he had to talk to you to see if there was even a chance that he could get you back.

You, on the other hand, kept avoiding the questioning looks the pogues would send you every time you were harsh or avoidant at JJ, your brother even attempted to talk to you, silently, just with glances, and figure out if his best friend had hurt you. But even if he did, it only hurt because you loved him too much, and you decided it was best to protect him from John B’s wrath. You felt embarrassed whenever Kiara questioned you with her eyes as well; you felt embarrassed to be near her. You kept crucifying yourself and both her and JJ because of everything, often zoning out of the conversation and just bitterly reminiscing about the times you consoled your boyfriend as he cried late at night in your room, being gentle with his bruises. – thinking how could you be so stupid? giving up everything, betting on him against your brother’s better judgment. You kept paying attention to Kie and how, since that day, she looked like the sweetest thing of the Cut, the fucking hell-side of the island. Her perfume lingered in the air even at the beach and made you feel sick; you saw her everywhere now, even when you looked at him. You saw the scene of them kissing. Feeling every word she would utter toward you in conversation like bullets on your skin. As it was torture how she was the greatest thing to ever exist – how everyone loved her, how she was so much better than you; poisoning everything that you do and still being the sweetest friend, making you despise how rotten your mind was; how jealous your eyes were.

You were bottled up to the brim.

It started out simple enough. JJ had noticed everyone was doing their own thing at the Chateau; John B was absent for the time being, and you were alone on the couch, fidgeting, focused on whatever. It seemed like the perfect window to try and have an actual conversation about what’s been happening. He just didn’t expect it all to escalate so quickly. He didn’t expect you to have seen a part of his conversation with Kiara about his dad – but not everything, not the ending. – He hadn’t expected a conversation with you of all people to become a bomb with a short fuse that would explode into feelings tainted crimson. watching you bleed, making him bleed all over for you.

"Pogues don't mack on pogues, y/n! this shit freaked me out, your brother finding out freaked me out, yeah, even if he’s my best friend and I was afraid that-”

“Oh, so you go ‘round and fucking get with Kiara?! this is fucking bullshit, JJ! bullshit-

“Y/n, listen to me!”

You both were screaming, Kie’s eyes went wide as she tried calling your name as well but you had already started crying and couldn’t pay attention to anyone but him. At this point, as John B arrived at the Chateau and followed the noise, the people around you calming you down couldn’t be sure if they were afraid of his arrival or actually relieved. You kept interrupting each other. JJ pulled his hair and you pointed at yourself and to your side – as if Kiara was still there – strength marking red fingertips above your chest.

“‘Cause she’s not even a real pogue, right?! that’s why you got so confident about it, huh?”

it was almost as if the room went silent. Kiara decided to step outside to give you space; to take a moment to breathe in and take notice that you didn’t mean that. She was sure you didn’t. The rest of the group started to move aside as well although they could obviously still hear the commotion. Only you, John B, and JJ were in the living room. Your brother grabbed your shoulders from behind trying to ground you in any way he could, JJ growing nervous at the rate of the conversation and his friend’s presence.

You looked into his eyes and it was as if the blue in them was slowly fading, his eyebrows shot up and his mouth twisted in a clearly upset frown. As tears stained your cheeks, pride still overpowering your shame and feelings pent up, you started with more meaningless empty jabs, which, said angrily enough, would only make JJ bleed more as he fell silent himself.

“I really loved you, you know? You gotta laugh at the stupidity.. right? Come on you were going around doing that shit and I swear JJ I used to think was really smart… I was just a mesmerizing, paralyzing, fucked-up little thrill for you, tho… best friend’s little twin… ridiculous.”

At that, John B diverted his attention toward his friend with stern questioning eyes. JJ gulped.

“Look, man I just really need to talk to her and explain myself, ‘aight? I didn’t do what- Things are really not what they seem right now and I need her to-“

“Fuck, JJ, that’s bullshit! How can you not even flinch when you fucking lie like that! Things are just like what they seem you never even fucking loved me! You can’t love anyone, ‘cause that would mean you had a heart, right? But you’re a fucking Maybank! And I really tried to help you out all this time but now I know that I can’t!”

You were calming down, but exploded again, as the words left your mouth though, you started regretting them, the most deeply someone could ever regret anything maybe, worsening by the second as you saw the man you still loved muttering a small “no”, cracking at your words and shedding a tear. As Kiara heard what you said from the outside, she didn’t even think before bursting into the house again, turning every head in her direction.

“Y/n you’re spiraling and you’re saying things you’ll fucking regret! I kissed him, alright?! This is my fault. He stopped me, he loves you and he wouldn’t do that, okay?”

Though the words she was muttering were calming you down, she was calling you out, she was absolutely mad at what you said about JJ’s father because she had context and it was really fucked up. You felt small.

“Kiss?!” John B asked, his eyebrows shooting up. It wasn’t his intention to aggravate the situation but it was his little sister involved. JJ tried to start talking and explain the situation – which Kiara had left him to, but he could really only think about one thing.

“I- uh… did you mean it? What you said.”

JJ rarely expressed any sign of vulnerability, so as his voice broke, you felt like your heart did too, rushing to explain yourself now, and trying to get closer to him.

“I didn’t mean it, J, I really didn’t! God, I don’t even know how you can still even look at me right now I’m so sorry I was just so fucking broken at the idea of you che- of losing you, and I- I thought you had found someone else and I damn near started world war III right now and it’s just because I love you so much and I know you don’t deserve another fucked up demonstration of love, you deserve to feel so good, Jay, and I’m really sorry, I love you so so much, and I will understand if you never-“

You were interrupted by the shock of his own body against yours. The both of you were panting, crying, completely tired sighs leaving each mouth as if this was all going on for days and you were so hurt, yet needing each other so much. John B and Kiara were ‘okay’ enough with the newfound situation to leave you both to your own devices again, and you just clung to one another, sitting on the floor for what felt like hours until he decided to speak again.

“Y/n… I asked for us to take some time because it was becoming too real, y’know? What we felt for each other.. it was, touchable- it is. And when everyone else found out, and then John B… You know I don’t talk about this usually, not with anyone but you, but I didn’t want my dad to find out about us, to find out about you. I don’t want him knowing what you are for me I don’t want him knowing that laying a single finger on you can be worse than any punch he could throw my way. And I wanted to figure this out without you knowing about it because you’d say it’s fine, and I-“

As your mind processes his words, you start to think how in the world you got a man whose the first concern about a monster of a father would be you. How could you deserve it, especially after what you had insinuated about him. “It is! It’s fine, honey, we can-“

“No, y/n it’s not fine because I don’t ever want you to even worry your pretty little head about a situation like that, y’know? And It’s not fine because the pogues are my family and the love I feel for you, if anything would happen to you because of him I’ll be damned, damned, and in jail for murder, you can trust me I will.”

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. All you could do was keep the hold you had on each other, slightly caressing his head.

“Since I didn’t want you to know about it, I went to Kie, that night of the Kegger, and she tried to help me and she said she loved me and I did too but then she kissed me and I assume it’s what you saw but I did step back, I promise! I told her off… Y/n I told your brother that if I intentionally hurt you, if I fucked up with you like this then that might as well be the last thing I did in my life and I mean it. I love you so much, little Routledge, and I’m all in now. We can figure shit out as we go but as long as we have each other, okay?”

As JJ spoke, he held your hands, reassuring you at the end. Hours had passed ever since you started talking, so when the pogues felt everything was calmer they decided to go back in the house slowly – figure out how you were, what were the plans for the night.

“Do you really forgive me for what I said? I will understand, J, I’m so, so sorry, I love you so much” You touched your forehead with his, and JJ sighed, shaking his head slightly. “I love you. I love you, y/n… can’t be without you.”

And as you both kissed each other as if you were making up for ages lost, Sarah smiled at the corner of the room, John B interrupting the show. “Come on with the PDA, love birds… What are we doing tonight, then?” He half-heartedly scolded as you got up, hand glued to the blonde's. You let out a big sigh again, before brushing them off with an honest, but half-assed excuse, already making the way to your room.

“I mean, you could go to Heyward’s… I think we’ll just lie down a bit.. ‘twas kinda draining…” you saw a bunch of side smiles as the group left through the door, Sarah grinned, letting out a puff of air through her nose, and when Pope went to close the door, he screamed back in the direction of your room, “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!” which earned a scream back from an already lying down JJ, “might as well not do anything!” and for the first time in a while, you laughed, making your way to lie on top of him, his embrace being all you needed.

“You know… we could go out to surf tomorrow,” he offered, still missing the sight of a happy you, your bikini, and the ocean.

“First thing in the morning.” You answered.

#jj maybank imagines #jj maybank x oc #jj maybank #jj maybank x kook!reader #jj maybank x you #jj maybank x pogue!reader #jj maybank x kiara carrera #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x y/n #jj mayback imagine #jj maybank x routledge!reader #jj mayback x reader #jj maybank x sister reader #jj maybank one shot #jj maybank fluff #jj maybank angst #jj maybank smut #outer banks #rafe cameron imagines #kiara carrera #john b routledge #pope heyward #sarah cameron #obx3 #obx fanfiction #obx x reader

[alyswritings]

Panic Attack

Request: Could u possibly do a jj maybank and sister has a really bad panic attack and jj just helps her through it and is really sweet? Thanks, love your writings 💜💜

JJ Maybank x sister!reader

Summary: JJ helps his sister with a panic attack.

Warnings: panic attacks, anxiety, luke yelling

a/n: thanks for the request! hope you all enjoy! also if you want/don't want to be tagged, lmk! unrelated, i am in love with his dimple.

(gif not mine)

Y/N races to JJ's room once she's certain he's in there after encountering Luke. She shuts and locks the door, the boy sitting on his bed, hands buried in his hair as he silently fumes.

"You're both useless pieces of shit! Your mama knew it! I know it! Your stupid friends know it!" Luke shouts over the blaring rock music.

Luke pounds on the door making Y/N jump, letting a small whimper out. She stumbles away from the door as he continues to hit the door. She quickly sits on the floor, curling up into a ball as she feels her breathing pick up and her hands start shaking.

Luke continues to shout insults and crude words, JJ fighting every urge to go out and fight back. He hears a quiet sob, his head snapping over to his sister.

"Y/N." He mumbles, rushing over to her. "Hey, hey." He sits in front of her. Y/N shakes her head, tears racing down her face as she gasps for air. "Y/N, hey, look at me." JJ cups the sides of her head, forcing her to face him. "Look at me, I'm right here. Follow my breathing." He slowly breathes in, waiting for her to attempt it. He lets out the breath, Y/N struggling to copy him.

They repeat a few times, Y/N still struggling, but getting better after a few more attempts.

"There we go, kiddo. We're gettin' there." JJ says, continuing to encourage her. "It's okay."

Y/N gets a deep breath in before Luke slams on the door again causing the girl to sob, the progress going down the drain.

"No, no, hey, hey. Keep breathing. Keep breathing, Y/N/N." JJ encourages, Y/N trying to follow his instructions. "I'm right here. Focus on me, okay? Don't listen to him." JJ slides his hands so his palms cover her ears, hoping to block their father out.

JJ kisses her on the forehead, quietly repeating reassurances to her.

After a while, she gets her lungs to work, taking slow, long breaths.

"There we go." JJ coos. "Great job, kid. C'mere." He pulls her into a tight hug. "You're okay. It's okay. He can't get us." Y/N sniffles, hiding her face in his shoulder. "I got you. Just you and me."

"What if he breaks the door?" Y/N mumbles, her words muffled from his shirt.

"Not gonna happen." JJ assures. "Come on. We can sneak out and go to the chateau, okay? Go fishing or something? Or just take a nap if you want. Sound good?" Y/N sniffles and nods, rubbing her nose. "Okay. Come on." He kisses her on the head before getting up and getting his stuff.

JJ quietly opens his window, climbing out. He helps Y/N out and then shuts the window.

"Let's go." He whispers, grabbing her hand and dragging her over to his motorcycle. "Here. Wear this." He gives her the helmet that only she ever wears -- despite her constant worries for him to wear it.

Y/N doesn't argue as she puts the helmet on her head, buckling the straps underneath her chin. She climbs on after him, tightly holding onto him as he speeds away.

Taglist: @glxwingrxse @venomsvl @wildieflower @aliciacat20 @allyson15 @gabbylovesreading @mrvlxgrl @star-wars-lover @champomiel @ironmaiden1313

#jj maybank x sister reader #jj maybank x sister!reader #jj maybank #obx #outer banks #obx jj #outer banks jj

[obxsummer]

Lifetime Without You // JJ Maybank

pairing: platonic!pogues x maybank!reader

summary: it's been nine years since you've set foot on the beaches of the obx. you're excited for this new chapter, but first, you have to tell your brother jj that you're back. needless to say, he's not happy.

request: Separated forcefully or for reasons you can't control, run into each other again years later on accident. With jjs sister? Maybe their mom took her when she left and they meet again?

warnings: angst, violence, mentions of abuse, death/cancer

navigation 

--

The warm sun on your skin did more to calm your nerves than you expected. For the first time in nine years, you were back in the place you called home. OBX looked the same for the most part -- only a few differences and missing stores you could tell from the first glance. Figure Eight had definitely expanded and that you weren’t surprised about in the slightest. 

It was bittersweet to be back here. The change had been rough and you never thought you’d step foot back here this fast, but life did throw you a curveball every now and then. Part of you didn’t expect to even see JJ here, having no idea if he even still would be here. You just knew you couldn’t stay in California any longer. 

Nine years ago, when your mom finally reached her breaking point with your dad, she didn’t hesitate to grab you and leave behind the life you were living. You just remembered being nine years old, watching your brother get left behind in a way that hurt your heart so bad you cried for a week straight every day. Your mom tried to convince you that he would be fine, that the house would get better without the two of you there but you couldn’t fully believe her. 

Years went past, you grew up and went to high school out in a small town in California. Your life in Outer Banks almost didn’t exist. You’d pushed away so much of the bad, that it was weird to think about what you had here. That is until your mom had been diagnosed with cancer when you turned fourteen. You had just hit the point of being able to reach out to JJ yourself, holding on to the bit of hope that maybe you could get him out of there. Your mom needed you though, and you couldn’t bail on her. So you stayed through it all and held her hand goodbye when it came to it. Grieving was hard, and you still didn’t think you’d seen the end of it in the past six months since her passing.

Your mom did everything she could to support you, collecting up a good amount of savings in the hopes you would go to college. You had work of your own, doing enough to help where you could. She had lucked out on a wealthy boyfriend-turned-fiancé leaving behind his earnings to her. Like you said before, curveballs. 

You had a good foundation beneath you, but you couldn’t stay here with the memories she had left. Packing and choosing a condo in Outer Banks probably wasn’t on the list of wishes she had for you, but you had to go home. You had to see what you left behind before moving on. 

Unpacking took a little motivation but you had most items shipped to avoid dealing with renting a moving truck. It would take a while to get everything exactly how you liked it but you just really wanted to get as settled in as possible so you could cruise the island for a bit. It felt weird to be back here, especially when all you could think about is how everything was when you left so many years ago.

The drive to the grocery store felt weird, especially when you realized you’d never driven these roads by yourself. You’d always had your mom in the car when you were younger, rarely ever your dad but still. Hopes were high that you could get in and out of the grocery without seeing anyone who would possibly recognize you.

Your wish was almost granted as you piled food into your cart with no end goal in mind on what to really get. The cashier greeted you kindly and made your checkout process smooth and before you knew it, you were loading everything into the trunk of your car.

“Y/N? Y/N Maybank, is that you?” You bit your lip at the voice and turned around to meet the gaze of none other than Rafe Cameron staring you down. Growing up, Rafe had been a pain in your ass but your dad always reassured you that guys were mean when they liked a girl. You, however, refused to put up with that outdated bullshit and gave the Cameron boy a piece of your mind before you left. 

“Rafe, hi.” You offered him a tightknit smile as you shoved your last bag into the car. Out of everyone you could’ve run into, he wasn’t the worst one. You just hoped he didn’t make a scene out of it.

The blond boy had definitely grown up and was surrounded by two other people. You recognized one as Topper and the other you were unfamiliar with. Rafe blinked at the sight of you. “Wow, um. How-How are you? I haven’t seen you in-”

“Nine years?” You answered for him with a small laugh. “Yeah. It’s been a while but evidently, I can’t get away from here for too long.”

Rafe nodded. “Damn. Well, we’re having a party tonight at my place if you want to come. Catch up with everyone. It’s probably nothing like those West Coast parties you’re used to but hey, nothing beats an OBX showdown.”

You considered it for a moment, not sure if that was truly how you wanted to spend one of your first nights back but offered him a shrug. “Sure, I’ll think about it. Nice to see you guys!”

After putting your cart away, you climbed behind the wheel of the new Jeep that had once belonged to your mom. Letting out a deep sigh, your forehead pressed against the palms of your hands.

You really hoped Rafe didn’t see JJ before you did.

--

Unpacking the groceries was easy and soon enough, you had a semi-stable home surrounding you for the time being. There were still a few knickknack things that needed organized but those could wait until a different day. 

If you were being honest, you were nervous about this so-called ‘party’ you’d been invited to. On the bright side, it gave you a chance to unwind and act your age for once. Taking care of your mom had been hard and you’d been forced to grow up a lot sooner than you would’ve liked. On the other hand, you could risk fucking up whatever relationship was left with JJ if he didn’t want to see you. 

Deciding just to go for it, you forced yourself to get ready. You debated for a while before settling that a pair of jeans and a tank top would be suitable enough. You quickly fixed your hair and makeup before starting the small walk to where you knew the Cameron house was.

The music was already cranking when you arrived at the end of the driveway. Taking a deep breath, you walked the remaining distance to the backyard where it seemed all the people were crowding. Your eyes landed on the various coolers lining the side of the house. You grabbed a drink for yourself before wandering into the mass of people. Rafe was right, parties in Cali were usually a lot bigger, but for the most part, this was normal to you.

“There you are! I’ve been looking for you,” Rafe’s voice was suddenly behind you, breaking your train of thought. “Listen, your Pogue brother’s over there somewhere but-”

“JJ’s here?” You cut him off with wide eyes. Suddenly, you were too sober to see your brother for the first time in almost a decade.

Rafe laughed at the concern on your face, “Yeah, yeah. But hey, listen, I got some friends I want you to meet first, okay?”

You nodded, letting him pull you along throughout the party. You’d reconnected with Topper and met their friend Kelce who you had seen in the parking lot earlier. Rafe swore the OBX had only gotten better since you’d left, but looking at the white powdery substance on the table in front of you and the glazed look in his eyes, you were starting to doubt him.

Excusing yourself to find another drink, you shuffled your way through the crowd that had definitely grown since you first arrived. You reached in to grab another drink when someone bumped into you.

“Shit, sorry, I didn’t even-”

Your head snapped up at the familiar voice. “John B?”

The boy in front of you was definitely not a kid anymore. You gaped at his newfound height as he towered you by a good few inches. The bandana around his neck was new, same with his fluffy, curly hair that used to be short. He’d definitely filled out his form as he grew, making you wonder what your brother looked like.

“Holy shit. Y/N?” John B’s face was the definition of surprise as he stared back at you. As you all had grown up, you’d found each other on social media but nothing looked the same as standing in front of each other years later. 

“Hi!” Your smile was infectious as you wrapped him in a tight hug. You were thankful to see a familiar face amongst the strangers you’d been surrounded by.

John B pulled back a moment later. “Does JJ know you’re here?”

You didn’t have a chance to answer before yelling interrupted from across the yard. You shared a glance with John B before the two of you took off running. You never forgot the trouble your brother would get himself into as a kid. Part of you hoped he would grow out of it as he got older, but you also had no idea what he dealt with after you left.

Following John B around everyone, your eyes caught sight of a group arguing. Rafe was somehow at the forefront and shoved someone’s chest before punches started getting thrown. John B must’ve seen something you didn’t and rushed towards the altercation without a second thought.

Hovering on the outside of the crowd, you watched as John B managed to grab someone from the fight and practically push them out of the way before Rafe let out a loud laugh. To your shock, he turned to find you in the crowd and pointed your way. “See Y/N! This is all you have to look forward to with your brother! Starting fights he can’t finish and always running his damn mouth.”

Your heart was pounding in your chest as you moved forward when Rafe took a jump again at the person in front of him. Pushing people aside, you managed to get in between the two before they started fighting. You shoved Rafe’s chest aggressively to get him out of the way so you could actually figure out what the hell was going on. Turning around, your gaze landed on the specific person you’d been looking for, yet the same person you’d been trying to avoid the whole night. 

JJ stared back at you, his lip cut and face swelling by the second, but it was still him. It was still the boy you left all those years ago with tears in your eyes as your mom dragged you out to the car. You couldn’t gauge his reaction very well, couldn’t tell if he was pissed you were in front of him or if he was glad to see you.

You tuned out Rafe’s taunting behind you, suddenly well aware of how many people were watching your small family reunion. You snapped out of it when JJ took off out of the mini-circle that had formed.

“JJ!” You followed quickly behind him but he didn’t slow his pace and continued to run away from whatever had just happened. You stopped short, knowing damn well you couldn’t keep up with him and clearly, he didn’t want to see you.

John B was close behind you. “Y/N, hey.” You turned around to see the group that had followed him. Pope and Kie had grown so much, the sight of them almost overwhelming as you took in the people who you’d once been so close to. 

“Oh, my God!” Kie practically burst into excitement and lunged forward to hug you tightly. You let out a relieved sigh, glad that someone was happy to see you. 

Pope hugged you next, height towering over you the same way John B’s did. You didn’t even know where to start with them, let alone what you were going to say to JJ when you had a chance to talk to him.

“When did you get back?” Pope asked when he stepped back. The four of you moved further away from the party, all fun moods killed by JJ storming off. 

“Yesterday,” You said as you followed them along the path to the beach. “I didn’t tell anyone. Didn’t know if it was a good idea. And now, I’m realizing it wasn’t.”

“JJ will get over it. He probably just needs some space.” Kiara gave a dismissive wave before turning to you with expecting eyes. “I, however, need to know where you’re staying.”

You shrugged. “We can go there if you want. It’s just up here.” The three of them followed along and made mindless conversation, asking you about your drive and your time in California. You managed to dodge all conversation relating to your mom, promising you’d explain everything after you talked to JJ. He deserved to hear it first, especially after you bombarded him at the party. 

Walking into your new place, you watched the trio explore with wide eyes. Kie clearly had her share of this life, John B and Pope not so much. You were more than grateful for what you had at your hands, but you’d been through hell to get here. 

You spent the remainder of the night catching up with the three Pogues who reassured you that JJ wanted space. You definitely hadn’t expected the pain they had been through; Kie’s Kook year, Big John going missing, the constant harassment from Rafe and other Kooks. 

Once the early hours of the morning hit, you offered for them to stay but they agreed on heading back to the Chateau in hopes that JJ would be there and they could try to talk to him some. After giving each of them a hug, you locked your door and made your way to your bed in hopes that you could get some sleep and hopefully, get everything back on track with JJ in the morning.

--

Part of you wished you would’ve just chased JJ down last night so you didn’t have to deal with the situation in front of you. You weren’t 100% sure why you’d bother to come here, but after not seeing JJ this morning and Kiara saying he left them sometime early, you weren’t sure where else to look. The deck wood creaked under your feet before you pulled the screen door open and emersed yourself in the life your father and brother had been living since you left. 

Your dad’s beaten truck was in the driveway alongside a dirt bike that you figured was JJ’s. The mess of discarded alcohol, leftover drugs on the table, and various old prescription bottles lingered on the once spotless outdoor patio set that your mom had bought. Your heart hurt as you realized how worn your childhood home was.

You crouched down to grab one of the orange containers to read the label. The medicine wasn’t familiar to you, but the lack of your dad’s name on it told you everything you needed to know. This is exactly what you wished never happened when your mom said she was leaving. You loved her dearly, but leaving JJ here was something you’d never forgive her for. 

Suddenly, the front door slammed open as someone made their way out on the porch. You jerked up in surprise only to come face to face with the man that you called a father. He looked horrible, much worse than when you packed up and left. You could only guess his life went downhill from there and he never bothered to try and be anything better.

“Can I help you with something since you already invited yourself in?”

You had to admit, you weren’t surprised that he didn’t recognize you, but part of you had hoped he would. You liked to think you looked like your mom in some ways - ways that he would happily remember.  “Hi, Dad.”

The name seemed to freeze him in his spot as he stared at you. You didn’t know what to expect. He could easily kick you off his property without a second thought. After a moment of processing, he broke into a laugh. “Well, I’ll be damned. Come give your old man a hug, Y/N.”

You stood there semi-awkwardly as he pulled you into a tight embrace. You could practically smell the alcohol dripping off him and his ratty t-shirt.

“I never thought your mom would let you back here,” Luke laughed and stepped back to make himself comfortable on the couch, popping a beer in the process. “How is she by the way?”

“Is JJ here?” You ignored his question and tried to get to the whole point of why you came here. 

The scoff that came out of his mouth had you glaring without a second thought. “He’s in his room, pouting like a bitch!” He made sure to annunciate the last word loud enough that JJ could definitely hear him walls away. “Feel free.” 

Accepting his dismissive wave as enough of an invitation, you pulled open the door and made your way into the disaster of a house. Shattered picture frames lined the floor, misplaced clothes strewn next to them. You didn’t dare look at the kitchen for fear of what might be growing in it from the lack of upkeep you’d seen so far. 

Your feet guided you toward the door that had always led to your brother’s room. You convinced yourself that talking everything out would help, but now that you were standing here, it all seemed much harder.

“What?” JJ’s voice was full of pure annoyance once you knocked. You waited a moment before opening it to reveal his room just as you had remembered it. Granted, the posters had changed over the years, but it was still the same to you. 

“Hi,” Was all you could muster up to say once you made eye contact with him. 

He moved quickly to yank you into his room and shut the door behind you. “Are you crazy? Why the hell would you come here?”

You shrugged in defense. “I-I didn’t know where else to find you. Kiara said you weren’t with them and-”

“Kie?” He repeated the girl’s name as he glared at you. “You saw my friends?”

“Yes, JJ! When you stormed off last night and left-”

“Why the hell are you here?!”

The question was asked with such veracity you were stunned into silence. You gaped at him, shocked that he was being so hostile to you after all these years. It wasn’t like you had a choice in leaving with your mom. 

“JJ, I just want to talk.” Tears threatened to spill from your eyes as you let out a breath. “I have so much to tell you, a-and I haven’t seen you in so long. I know things are different but…”

JJ was silent for a moment as he stared at you. There were so many emotions in his mind, so many things he wanted to say to you, but he couldn’t help the feeling of agony that was deep in his chest. For so long, he’d envied you. He was full of rage, pain, and anger that you got to leave the Outer Banks for life with your mom. It hurt more than he ever let on, more than he ever told the Pogues. 

“Please get out.”

The request made your heart sink as you looked back at him, tears on your cheeks now. “JJ, please.” You refused to believe after everything, the one person you were holding out for wanted nothing to do with you.

He shook his head. “Not here, not now. Not with him listening.” His voice quieted as he nudged his hand toward the general direction of where your father was sitting. “I’ll find you later and we can talk, okay?”

You brushed the tears from your cheeks and nodded. It wasn’t worth arguing over why he didn’t just come with you at that moment. Turning on your heel, you walked from his room before stopping short to face him again. 

“JJ.” He looked up at you in confusion. “For what it’s worth, I’m really sorry.”

--

You didn’t hear anything for hours, opting to finish unpacking the rest of your belongings in hopes that it would take your mind off everything. Your dad had characteristically passed out by the time you’d left the house earlier that day. You had no interest in patching a relationship with him, especially based on what you’d seen. 

You had just finished ordering some pizza for dinner, too exhausted to try and attempt to cook something, when the doorbell rang. You knew damn well your food wasn’t here that quickly.

JJ stood on the other side of it, looking positively exhausted. You stepped aside wordlessly to let him in, figuring he got your address from one of his friends on his way since you didn’t tell him. He was quiet as he observed the main floor of your new home, taking in the cleanliness and organization.

“I have pizza coming… do you-do you want some water or something to drink?” 

His expression didn’t shift as he nodded to your question. You wondered if this was the new JJ - the quiet, reserved individual in your living room right now. You were inclined to doubt it, especially with the way Kiara, John B, and Pope had been talking last night.

“Is Mom dead?"

The question sucked all the air from your lungs, your new glassware threatening to slip from your fingers as it filled with water. You hesitated for a moment before turning to face him. 

JJ was already looking at you, your reaction telling him everything as he nodded slightly. “I knew you wouldn’t come back here by yourself if she was still in California.”

“I came back because I wanted to start a new chapter here, hopefully with you,” You admitted as you handed the glass of water to him. “We owe ourselves that much, JJ. To start fresh without the pain of our parents and childhood lingering on us.”

Your brother was quiet as he swirled the water around, his mind still on the question he had asked. “Were you with her when it happened?”

“For every second,” You whispered as tears burned your eyes as you recounted the endless nights and painful days. “I wanted to tell you but she said it wasn’t right to drop it on you.”

JJ nodded solemnly, for once not fighting on a decision that was made on his behalf. It didn’t hurt any less, though; grieving the loss of someone you loved deeply yet barely knew. The two of you had grown up so different in the recent half of your lives.

“Does Dad still…” You didn’t have the guts to finish the question, hoping your question would be declined.

Your heart shattered when JJ nodded. “Got worse once you guys left, the drinking and… everything else.” He took a deep breath. “I usually stay at John B’s. Rarely go back unless I absolutely have to.”

“You can stay here. With me.” You weren’t really asking, but rather speaking it into existence. You refused to let your brother wonder where he belonged in the OBX any longer. Even if he hated you, having him in a safe environment would make you feel endlessly better.

The doorbell ringing interrupted whatever JJ was going to say if he was going to say anything. You moved to the front door to pay the delivery person and collect your food, thanking them graciously before placing it on the granite countertops. You grabbed two freshly cleaned plates, handing one to JJ before selecting your choice of pizza and appetizer. JJ grabbed his own before following you to the couch to sit.

“She was diagnosed with leukemia six years ago. Her fiancé, Michael had passed away two years prior. Richest man I’ve ever met, the best man I have ever met,” You let out a small laugh at the memory. “He was great. You would’ve loved him. They loved each other. Anyway, treatment was going well and suddenly it stopped working. Everything got worse, really fast. I was balancing school, a job, and being there for her, until one day… it all just stopped and she was gone. I graduated by myself, packed everything up, sold her house, and moved here.

“She loved you, more than you probably know. We talked about you all the time. I tried so hard to convince her to come back, to send you a plane ticket to get you out to Cali with us. I think she was scared of facing a situation she partially created, you know? Begged her to at least let me fly out. That was instantly shot down. But, the world works in weird ways and here we are.”

JJ watched you carefully, munching on his pizza as he did. He never noticed how exhausted you looked - like the weight of the world had been on your shoulders for years. It probably had been, he said to himself.

“I know me coming back is probably a storm in your usual forecast,” You continued, “I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t know how. So I figured just randomly showing up would give me an idea. Guess not.” You finished up your slice of pizza and set the empty plate on the ottoman. 

“I’m sorry for being so shitty,” JJ blurted. He wasn’t sure what else to say. 

You shook your head at him. “It’s okay, promise. I don’t blame you. I was extremely overwhelming.” 

The two of you sat in a comforting quiet for a few moments as JJ finished up his food. He couldn’t lie, this was the best thing that had happened to him in a long time. Sure, he loved the Pogues and they’d always be his number one, but to have you back was a game-changer. It shifted everything he’d known since you had been taken to California all those years ago.

“If the offer to stay here is still on the table, I’d really like to take it.”

Maybe things were looking up for both of you after all.

--

navigation 

#outer banks #outer banks x reader #obx x reader #outer banks imagine #outer banks fanfic #outer banks x you #jj maybank x sister!reader #jj maybank #kiara carrera #john b routledge #pope heyward #pogues x reader #jj maybank x you #jj maybank imagine #maybank!reader imagines #maybank!reader

[wordsarelife]

—how you get the girl 

pairing: jj maybank x fem!routledge!reader

summary: the pogues don’t seem to be on the same page at dealing with your break up

warnings: cussing, fighting

notes: this was originially planned as my get him back fic for the guts masterlist, but i realised, that it didn't really fit the theme, so i just finished it differently lol

chaotic is my favorite type of genre... so enjoy!!!

"shit" kiara bend down and grabbed the book that just came flying out of the window

"oh they aren't done yet" said pope, outstretching his hand and catching another flying book.

"should we.. say something?" sarah looked at her friends questingly

"hell nah" john b shook his head

"this is just normal behaviour for them" kie let herself fall down in the lounge chair

"normal?" asked sarah, before she screeched in shock, diving out of the way before the shoe could hit her

"yeah" shrugged pope "we're used to this by now"

"aren't you like scared that you sister will get hurt?" sarah turned her head to john b, who just shrugged

"she's the one throwing things"

"o-kay" sarah sat down beneath the window in the hope to not get hit with anything "i'm sorry that i'm just grasping that now, but aren't they like in a happy relationship? why don't they just break up if they don't get along?"

"they never break up" said kiara "they don't fight often, but when they do, it's over"

"believe me, you don't want to be near them when it happens" john b exchanged a look with pope "one time pope accidently walked in on them fighting and y/n screamed at him"

"she's worse than my mother" said pope and he looked like he was having war flashbacks

"he cried" concluded kiara

"oh wow" sarah nodded, slowly understanding what was going on

the group stopped talking as the door got opened and jj and y/n stepped outside.

"hey guys!" kiara smiled innocently and sarah quickly noticed that it was best to act as if they didn't hear what had been going on "how are you both?"

"oh just fine" you said, smiling at your friends "jj and i broke up"

"you did what?" john b leaned forward and kiara mirrored his shocked facial expression

"so.. this is not normal, yeah?" whispered sarah, leaning over to pope

"eh, this never happened before" replied pope while not taking his eyes off of the broken up couple, watching them like a hawk

"we decided that it would be best if we ended things" jj said shrugging "it's as simple as that"

"simple?" asked kiara and she looked like her eye was twitching

"yes..?" you asked, not quiet grasping why everyone was so upset about your break up

"you've been dating for the past four years" john b flailed his arms dramatically "you can't just break up!"

"of course we can" you argued "because we just did"

jj looked at the time on his phone, before he held it up in your direction. "it's half past two"

"alright" you stood up and followed jj off the patio

"wait, where are you going?" kiara looked between you both and the rest of your friends

"i'll take her to work and then help my cousin in the workshop"

no one said a word at that and you guys left.

pope looked between his friends, shock still evident on his face. "so this is the new normal?" he whispered

"relax, they can't hear you" sarah laughed and all eyes went to her. none of the other found anything remotely funny in that moment

"i jinxed it" murmured kiara "i told sarah that they never break up and look where it's gotten us"

"why do you freak out about this?" asked sarah confused "i mean, of course it's sad, but if they say it's for the better?"

"uncharted territory, baby" john b declared dramatically

"yeah" kiara nodded "they are happy for a long time, then they have a big fight, they make up, which is disgusting, but works and then.. rinse and repeat"

"you got used to them dating so we can just get used to them.. not dating, right?" sarah questioned

"it's not this easy" kiara shook her head

"yeah, they've been together since puberty started and i think that had a big impact on who they are now" john b explained

"that's ridiculous" sarah laughed "she's your sister, you know her better than anyone"

"i knew her when she was dating jj and before that when she was pining after jj" john b gasped "i don't think i know her without him in the picture"

"john b" sarah sighed. she couldn't really believe what was going on right now. the pogues had always been pretty chill and normal, well obviously not when it came to the dating life of their friends

"he's right" pope said, interrupting sarah's train of thought. "you know jj and y/n, sarah. they are pretty unpredictable, but while they were together they would calm each other down"

"now they are like two wandering fire hazards" kiara exclaimed

"okay" sarah sighed "when you're so worried" she thought for a second "why don't we split up and watch them until they are done with the break up and hopefully not co-dependent anymore"

"pope?" john b turned to the boy

"it could work" pope nodded "as long as we keep possible outbreaks to a down low and maybe keep them away from each other, no one will get hurt"

"you're talking as if they would actually errupt like a volcano"

"we aren't joking, sarah" kie looked to the boys "the week before they started dating, the chateau nearly burned down"

sarah just nodded silently, not quiet believing what she was hearing, she would change her mind pretty quickly

sarah and kie drove to the ice cream shop you were working at, while pope and john b watched visited jj at his cousin's workshop

"ladies" you smiled as you noticed kie and sarah sitting at a table you served.

"hey girl" kie smiled brightly and sarah send her a confused look, until kie slapped her arm

sarah made a surprised sound, before she quickly said the first thing she could think of "howdy"

you send her a puzzled look, before you left the menu "i'll be back in a few minutes to take your orders" then you left the table still watching them suspiciously

"howdy?" kie asked horrified

"it's the first thing that came to mind"

"this is gonna be a long day" kie murmured "hopefully the boys are better at this than we are"

pope and john b had managed to be even worse

"so..uh single huh?" pope outstretched his arm to lean against the car jj was working on, but underestimated the distance and nearly knocked the mirror off

"relax, okay?" john b whispered

jj got up from under the car "i guess, yeah"

"so how about a tinder account?" before jj could answer pope's question john b had elbowed him in the stomach. pope bend over

"okay, what going on with you? you are acting stranger than usual" jj looked from one to the other

"we're.. adjusting" john b explained

"yeah, you and y/n have been together for forever"

"hhm" jj nodded "we dated a pretty long time"

"yeah, you shouldn't just give up on such a long relationship"

"i don't know guys" jj walked around the car to open the hood "we decided this together and she seemed happy with the decision"

"i bet she's crushed and just didn't want you to know" pope argued

"yeah" john b nodded enthusiastically "you know y/n, she's always trying to be tough. she's with the girls right now, i bet she's feeling horrible"

"i just feel so relived, you know?" you were currently joining sarah and kie at their table while you were on your break. each of you devouring your ice cream.

"you go, girl!" sarah encouraged

"i mean the time we were together was amazing, but i just think we need to let it go"

"do you still love him?" kie asked leaning forward

"i guess" you shrugged "i don't think you can just stop doing that"

"i think you made the right decision" sarah nodded and kie send her a wide eyed look "you should know when a relationship isn't worth staying for"

"you're right" you looked at your phone to check the time "thanks guys, but i need to get back to work" you stood up from the table and walked back into the kitchen

"okay what was that?"

"what?" sarah "i just tried to help"

"by telling her she made the right choice?"

"she didn't?"

"yes…no" kie shook her head "i don't know, okay? what i do know is that it's always been y/n and jj as long as i've known them. they might seem fine, but nothing will ever be the same and they were really great together"

"that might be true, kie" sarah smiled emphatically "but we need to respect our friends decision. and when y/n thinks she made the right one then we have to trust her" kie nodded slowly "we cannot force them to upkeep a relationship, just because we are scared that their break up will destroy the friend group"

"you're right"

after your shift ended you left the shop together with kie and sarah, who had waited for you. "you really didn't have to wait for me" you smiled while you climbed in the backseat of kie's car.

"no problem" kie smiled

"we just want you to know that we're here for you" sarah turned around to look at you "to catch you if you should fall"

"o-kay" you breathed confused "why would that happen exactly?"

"are you kidding?" sarah laughed "you just left a long term relationship, no need to hold back your tears"

"i don't really do crying"

"alright" kie interrupted, before sarah could give you anymore unsolicited advice "let's just get you home"

"so you really think it's worth another shot?" jj stood infront of the flower shop. pope and john b to each side of him

"she will so happy to have you back" john b encouraged

"yeah, bet she's crying her eyes out right now" pope grinned

"bro" john b shook his head at the boy

"y/n doesn't cry" jj said absently his eyes on the yellow chrysanthemums "okay" he nodded "i'll do it"

"there you go brother" john b patted his shoulder while pushing him towards the entry

pope and john b waited outside the shop for jj to return, while jj was being advised by a girl that seemed to be working in the shop. pope snapped a quick picture of jj inside the flower shop and send it to kie

you were sitting on your bed in the chateau, while kie and sarah were preparing snacks for you in the kitchen. they had practically begged to wait in your room.

your eyes flew over the words on your book page, when a sudden sound peeked your interest. it was kie's phone that had just received a message. your curiosity got the better of you and you unlocked the phone.

pope had sent a photo of jj inside a flower shop a cute girl talking to him. your eyes grew big and then you noticed the caption that sealed the deal. how you get the girl

it was almost instantly that tears blurred your vision and you wiped them away in confusion. you turned kie's phone around and got up from the bed, sitting down on the floor in front of it, opening the drawer underneath it.

the drawer was filled with jj's things and memories of your time together. that made you cry even more. you grabbed the first hoodie you could find and pulled it over your head. then you sorted through all the stuff, your bedroom floor quickly being filled with things from your past.

"woah" sarah nearly lost her hold on the bowl of chips as she noticed you on the floor "seems like she does cry" she whispered in kiara's direction

"hey sweetheart" kie sat down on the ground beside you and opened her arms so you could crawl into them

"he's moving on so fast" you cried "i want him to be happy, but not with my favorite taylor swift song"

sarah and kie exchanged a confused look 'what is she talking about?' sarah mouthed, but kie just shrugged

"guys?" john b's voice could be heard from the front door "jj is with us"

the mention of his name made you cry even harder

"could you deal with that?" kie asked and sarah nodded, walking out of the room

"i don't think she should see you right now"

"what's wrong with her?" john b asked worriedly

"she's crying"

"y/n's crying?" jj put the flowers on the kitchen counter and tried to walk around sarah

"yeah" sarah shrugged "we told her the break up was the right thing to do and she seemed fine. but now she's crying her eyes out"

"y/n doesn't cry, sarah" jj seemed serious now

"you told her the break up was the right decision?" john b asked and sarah nodded

"we told jj the opposite" pope whispered loudly

"i can hear you" jj rolled his eyes "can i see her, please?"

sarah stepped aside and jj walked into your bedroom, followed by the rest of your friends

"y/n" he said as he noticed your crying form

you looked up at his voice and jj's heart broke as he noticed your sad expression, but then your face quickly changed. you seemed angrier than any of your friends had ever seen you. you got up and tried to charge at jj, luckily kiara could hold you back just before you were able to hit jj with an uppercut

"woah" jj raised his hands jumping back at your outbreak

"my favorite taylor swift song? really, jj?" you screamed and tried to free yourself from kie, but her hold wouldn't budge

"what are you talking about?" jj screamed back

"the flower shop girl" you cried "you obviously moved on quicker than i did"

jj send a panicked look in his friends direction. “how do you know about the flower shop?”

“so you admit to flirting with her?”

“no?” jj asked baffled “so?” he urged

“i read a text pope send to kie” you shamefully admitted, reaching for the phone on the bed and holding it in jj’s direction.

his eyes flew over the display quickly, looking at the photo and reading the caption. “how you get the girl, pope? really?” he was as angry as you had been a second ago and could now totally understand how you had misinterpreted the photo without it’s context

pope looked guilty. “he was getting flowers for you, y/n!” he tried to explain “i just took a photo without context but i was hinting the song at jj getting you back! you have to believe me”

you looked at the boy and saw the sincerity in his eyes. “i do” you nodded “where are they?” you turned your head at jj

“where is who?”

“the flowers” you rolled your eyes but he could see a smile forming on your face

“they’re in the kitchen”

you followed him out of the room, where he presented you with the flowers. “you got yellow chrysanthemums for me?” you said softly tears welling up in your eyes again

“i think you permanently changed her” he joked to pope, who smiled uncomfortably. jj turned back to you “of course baby, i would do anything if i can get you back. breaking up was the dumbest decision ever, don’t you think?”

“yeah” you laughed. “broke your heart i’ll put it back together” you whispered, leaning your forehead against his.

“i would wait forever and ever” jj smiled, and then he kissed you and all was well.

“and that, my friends, is how you get the girl” said sarah, crossing her arms happily, all while she ignored her friends protests at her not really seeing the importance of the situation like they had all begged her to at first. instead she just watched y/n and jj kiss and smile at each other.

#jj maybank x pogue!reader #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank x you #jj maybank x reader #jj mayback imagine #jj mayback x reader #jj maybank #jj maybank x routledge!reader #john b x sister!reader #outer banks jj #outer banks #taylor swift #how you get the girl #how you get the girl (taylor’s version) #1989 tv #1989 era #1989 taylor's version

[gh0stsp1d3r]

ℳ𝒶𝓎𝒷𝒶𝓃𝓀𝓈 𝓈𝒾𝓈𝓉ℯ𝓇

Chapter 2- Explanations

Series masterlist

Warnings: daddy issues, drinking, readers more empathic than I’ll ever be, some angst, this is long so grab ur popcorn!

Summary- you finally listen to your boyfriend’s explanation of why what happened, happened. You feel for him, understand his actions. you begin to realize it’s him or your brother.

You glanced at your phone screen and back at your dad on the couch. Was it a good idea leaving him right now? He sat there, switching through the tv channels, mumbling to himself.

He had been drowning himself in his beer ever since Jj came. He hasn’t come back since, you haven’t seen him or heard from him since you dropped him off at his friends house after he had begged to be.

He shouted angrily at you, threw things, and yet it was always you taking care of him at the end of the day.

It was always you tucking him into bed like he was a fucking kid.

“coming in a second,” You typed back. Rafe had been begging for you to come over so he could explain- even going as far as to coming to the house, while you weren’t there.

“Hey, dad, I’m gonna go out for a bit. You gonna be okay?” You asked him, looking up from your phone.

“Where you goin’?”

“My boyfriends.”

“Was that the uh…” he took a sip, pausing before speaking. “Boy that came the other day?”

“Yeah. Rafe.”

“Rafe? Like Rafe Cameron? You,” he laughed as if if it was the funniest thing in the world. “Y/n Maybank, who is 19 and still living with her dad, are dating a kook from figure 8?”

“Yes, dad. Not everything’s about money. Are you gonna be okay here?”

He shook his head to himself, before standing up, slamming his fist onto the table next to him. You flinched at the sound.

“I’m not a fucking kid, y/n. You don’t have to watch over me like I am.”

“Your PO-“ you tried. His mood had changed drastically.

“I don’t give a shit about what my PO says.” He interrupted, downing the rest of his drink and throwing it onto the ground, shattering underneath him.

Your lip trembled as you looked at him. “Okay. I’m sorry. I’m gonna…” you took a deep breath, standing up. “I’m gonna go, dad. Be careful.” You mumbled to him, slamming the door and starting your car.

Grabbing your phone from your pocket, you sent him “on my way”

༶•┈┈┈┈┈୨♡୧┈┈┈┈┈•༶

“Hey, wheezie. Where’s your brother?” You asked her when she opened the door.

“Hi, y/n. He’s in his room. He’s in one of his moods. You okay?” She asked, noticing your state. Your eyes were red and your face was puffy, you reeked heavily of beer and weed, from your dad.

“I’m fine, thank you.” You told her when she opened the door, and walked to his room. She knocked on his door.

“Go away, wheezie.” He said agitatedly, getting a line ready on his desk.

“Y/n’s here.” She said. You could hear him getting up from the bed, putting things away before he unlocked his door.

“Hi.” He sniffed, looking at you. Wheezie rolled her eyes and left, closing her door.

“Hi.”

He opened up his door and motioned for you to come in. He locked it again and you stood in front of him.

It was silent, the both of you staring at each other. He leaned against his desk now, running a hand through his hair.

“You wanted to explain what happened, so… explain.” You spoke first.

He sighed, biting the inside of his cheek before speaking.

“I heard that dad wanted to take Sarah to the Bahamas for some business trip. And what the fuck did Sarah know about business? Nothing. She was running around with the fuckin’…” he stopped his talking for a moment, remembering your brother.

“It doesn’t matter. I was at the tarmac, and I didn’t think… I didn’t think anything like that would happen.”

“Sheriff peterkin told my dad to get on the ground.” He relived the moments in his head, each agonizing moment. “She put a gun to his head and began to arrest him. I couldn’t just.. I couldn’t just watch him get fuckin’ arrested.”

“What was he getting arrested for?” You asked him quietly.

He shook his head. He didn’t want to say.

You swallowed the lump in your throat, the tension in the room thick.

“Rafe…” you began.

“I didn’t wanna do it.” He mumbled, his voice a croak now. He held his face in his hands, shakily breathing out.

You walked closer to him, he just looked the other way as you gave him a hug, something he had not expected.

He began to stutter out, but you stopped him.

“Sh, sh, sh. It’s fine. You’re fine.” You told him, he cried onto you, your shirt getting soaked.

“Sorry.” He mumbled, clearing his throat and wiping the tears from his eyes, pulling away from you now.

One thing about rafe is he never cried. At least not in front of people. He hated to feel vulnerable.

“I just wanted him to… I just wanted him to pay attention to me for once, you know?” He pointed to himself. “Everything’s about fuckin’ Sarah, forget me and Wheezie.” He motioned to the door on the other side.

“I get it.” You did get it, knowing exactly how he felt. He felt bad for his actions. You could tell.

“Sorry. Thank you. For…” he sniffled and cleared his throat again. “For listening.”

“Yeah.”

“How’ve you been…?” He asked, not having seen you in a little.

“I’ve been… okay. I guess. Jj hasn’t come back since he stole the boat, but then he got in trouble with the sbi for helping his friend escape or something, then the phantom drowned and shit.”

“So… that was fun explaining to my dad.” You took a deep breath. He’s been… angrier since then. Feel like it’s my fault, kind of.”

“It’s not your fault.” He quickly spoke, a frown on his face as he listened.

You shrugged. “I don’t know.”

He picked up a cup from his desk, offering it to you.

You shook your head and a small smile on your face. “I think you need it more than me.”

“Shit, I think we both need it.” He chuckled, pouring the liquid down his throat and putting it down onto the table.

“You can stay here. If you want.” He offered once it became silent.

“Oh. No. It’s- I don’t have any clothes or anything, so… I wouldn’t wanna interrupt…”

“Just borrow some of mine. You’re not interrupting anything.”

“Are you sure?”

“If I wasn’t sure I wouldn’t have offered it. You should go take a shower.” He told you.

“Yeah.” You glanced down at yourself. He went to his closet, grabbed a towel and rummaged through his drawers for clothes.

You stood behind him, he handed you a stack of his clothes and you gave him a small smile.

“Thank you, rafe.”

“Of course.” Was all he said, he directed you to where the bathroom was and you entered it.

Jesus Christ, this bathroom is fucking huge. You thought, looking around. How the hell did this shower even work?

You turned on the shower, getting rid of your clothes and letting the droplets fall onto your skin with a sigh.

Once you got out, you changed into his clothes. Leaving the bathroom, you grabbed your stuff and dried off your hair when someone walked by.

Ward.

He looked at you, stopping for a moment.

“Who are you?”

“Hi, sir. Sorry.” You quickly turned to him. You told him your name and held out your hand for him to shake.

Rafe came out from his room, his eyes landing on the both of you.

“She’s my uh… my girlfriend. She’s staying the night.” He swallowed. Hesitating because he wasn’t sure how his dad would react.

Ward furrowed his eyebrows at that.

“Nice to meet you.” He said, giving you a small nod and smile.

Ward eyed Rafe, who just rolled his eyes at his dad and led you back into his room.

“Sorry. About him.”

“It’s fine.”

“I guess I should tell you… I have to go to uh… peterkins funeral tomorrow. I don’t know if you wanna go or…” he took a deep breath.

“Okay.”

“Okay..?”

“I’ll go.”

“Okay.” He nodded. Inside, he was just glad to have some sort of emotional support there. Knowing his dad wouldn’t be helpful.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

The drive to the funeral was silent. You greeted and introduced yourself to Rose, who seemed to like you a bit more than Ward did.

You noticed Rafe’s distant eyes, putting a hand on his shoulder and just leaning against him was enough to ground him.

︵‿︵‿୨♡୧‿︵‿︵

“I should really get going.” You mumbled, his lips were on your neck and you were laying against the bed.

“Why?” He mumbled against your skin, his hands wrapped around you.

“My dad. I can’t leave him alone this long.”

He nodded. “Right. Right. Of course. Sorry.” He said, running a hand through his hair, getting off you.

“Thank you for letting me stay again.”

“Text me anytime you need to, okay?”

You nodded, standing up and gathering your clothes now.

He stood up too, leading you downstairs and to the door. He cupped your face, smashing his lips against yours before you left, wrapping his arms around you.

“I’ll see you later, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

When you began to drove home, you noticed two familiar figures.

“Okay, I’m not sure, but I think they can see us from there.”

“Who cares? Should be glad I’m not setting the house on fire.” Kiara replied, turning to Pope and continuing her movements.

“Can you hurry up?”

“Look, doesn’t it piss you off? Even a little?!”

“Of course it pisses me off: I’m just-“ he paused. “I’m just trying to channel my rage into different vectors right now.”

“Oh, okay.” She stepped back, looking at her work she had done on the wall. “Not bad.”

“Hey, I think somebody’s up there.” Pope said, looking over the wall.

“Shit. It’s Rafe.”

“Look, we know what you did!” Kiara shouted to him.

“Hey, no.” He covered her mouth and began to pull her away.

“Murderers!”

“No, now is not the time. Are you serious?” They began to run when you pulled up to them.

“Kiara? Pope?”

“Y/n?” They both said in unison.

“What the hell are you two doing?” You motioned to the wall.

“What are you doing here?” Pope asked you.

They both hopped into your car without you saying anything.

“Oh, great, yeah, just hop into my fucking car why don’t you? I’m not a damn Uber.”

“Can you please just drive us somewhere?” Pope asked.

You sighed and shook your head to yourself.

“No. I can’t. I gotta go back home.”

“Please, y/n?”

Fuck. Being pulled into their stupid shit, again. You groaned, and began to drive to where they told you to.

Once you got there, they both thanked you multiple times and hopped in their boat.

“Hey, do you know where Jj is?” You shouted.

“He got a new job. That one place on figure eight, island sun.”

“Thank you.” You told them. Your dad would be fine for a few more minutes, you thought. But you had to figure out something with Jj, at least check up on him.

So, you put it into your phone and began driving to the restaurant.

You walked in on Jj having some sort of speech. You stood, frozen in your spot.

“My best friend, John B, did not kill Sheriff Peterkin! Rafe Cameron killed and shot the sheriff in cold blood!”

You swallowed as you listened. He wasn’t wrong. And that was the worst part.

He wasn’t wrong and yet you still felt for Rafe, you understood what he was going through and what he thought.

But he was still a murderer. A murderer who helped you in your darkest times, a murderer who you met while doing some stupid job as a teenager.

How was he going to react when he realized you’ve been dating him for months?

Kelce scoffed.

“That’s what happened.”

“Is that so hard to believe, Kelc?”

“It is actually hard for me to believe, because you know, it’s always…” he stood up from his chair. “The kooks fault. It’s never the pogues fault.”

Jesus Christ, this stupid shit. It was stupid, the whole pogues vs kooks thing. You never understood or cared for it.

Jj poured water onto Kelce, and Kelce threw his hands at Jj.

You stepped in now, grabbing Jj and pulling him away while Topper grabbed Kelce.

“Get off me!” He shoved you, the two broke up finally.

“It’s not the time, man.”

“Jj.” His boss called.

“Yeah, I know Raz. I’m fired.” He threw off his apron, you followed behind Jj, grabbing his shoulder.

“What the fuck was that?!” You asked him. He whipped around to meet your eyes.

“I cant stand there and fuckin’ listen to their bullshit! That’s my fucking friend they’re talking about, y/n. That’s my friend.” He motioned to them.

“I get it, J. I do, but you can’t keep doing this. You’re already on probation-“

“I don’t care, y/n. I don’t care anymore.” He hopped on his dirt bike. You called his name, he drove straight into the flowers, destroying it.

“Jj- please!” You shouted, he just drove off, flicking them off.

He sounded just like your dad.

————

Tag list:

@cassie0sstuff

@rafesgiirl

#rafe fluff #rafe outer banks #rafe cameron x female reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron fluff #rafe cameron x you #rafe x you #rafe cameron #rafe fanfiction #obx rafe cameron #rafe x reader #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron angst #maybanks sister #jj maybank x sister reader

[mildkleptomaniac]

type one — jj maybank x cameron!reader

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭:  “ Hey! Do you think you could do an imagine where the reader is Sarah’s twin and all the pogues are at a party or on the boat and her blood sugar drops really low (she has type one diabetes) and her pump keeps beeping. She is mid passing out, not feeling good and rafe has her Insulin so little bit of big brother rafe worried about his little sister and JJ and her not being together yet but he was super worried about her (like all of the pogues tbh). Thanks xxxx I really love your writing 🥺 every time you post something it makes my day ”

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1k

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: fainting, almost passing out,

𝒂𝒖𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒓'𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒆: my boyfriend is type 1 and i really tried my best remembering everything he has to go through. hope this is accurate enough and y’all enjoy!! we love a sweet brother rafe and caring jj. 

Summer, the season of warmth and light, a time of vitality and Boneyard parties. Air filled with salty atmosphere and the smoke of the bonfire. Teenagers trickled onto the beach, dragging kegs in the sand, chairs, and stereos. Partiers shed layers of clothing to embrace the heat and the warmth of the bodies next to them. 

Y/N savored the Boneyard parties, enjoying her time with friends and her siblings, the drinks, and the people-watching. She fell into a rhythm of dancing with one of her twin’s boyfriend’s friends, JJ. Sarah mentioned JJ occasionally, but Y/N was surprised at how well they clicked. The first time JJ and Y/N met, he gave her a cold shoulder–until she assisted him in winning a Beer Pong game. 

After several drinks and dancing the night away, Y/N began to feel light-headed. JJ kept his hands around her waist as she slowed down, the scenery around her became spinning. Racking through ideas of why she felt like this–she’d forgotten to take her blood sugar before leaving the house. 

The music and the conversations drowned out the sound of her insulin pump beeping loudly, signaling her blood sugar increased dangerously high. She couldn’t seem to focus on anything around her before her pump began vibrating in her pocket. If she wasn’t light-headed enough, the vibration made it worse. 

“I need to sit down,” Y/N muttered, pulling away from JJ’s grasp. His brows furrow, still holding onto her waist before sitting her down on some driftwood. Weaker and weaker, Y/N began fumbling with her pump. Dread coursed through her at the epiphany she ran out of insulin. Her mouth felt parched.

“JJ–Where’s Sarah?” Her voice was weak, as she glanced around the party to find her twin. Sarah and Y/N were never separated for long, before they knew it, Sarah spotted her sister and raced over.

“Hey, what’s going on?” She questioned before the realization of the situation hit her. 

“Her pump keeps beeping and–”

“Sarah, get Rafe–he has the glucagon in his car–” Y/N waved her hand, limply. 

Her twin didn’t need to hear anymore before Sarah and the rest of the Pogues hunt down Rafe Cameron. JJ held Y/N in his arms, stroking her hair as she lay there, hoping to calm her down. He kept small talk, making sure she didn’t actually pass out. On the edge of his seat, he kept looking for his friends or Rafe, hoping they’d come back soon with insulin for Y/N. 

Explicitly, JJ never stated his feelings for the Cameron twin, but the Pogues picked up on it by his constant desire to be within arms reach or asking if she’d be joining them today on whatever adventures they voyaged on. 

If she wasn’t feeling like passing out, she would be embarrassed. Being seen as weak and vulnerable in front of others was deemed to be her worst fear. JJ’s words blurred together as her hearing faded in and out, her vision becoming hazy.

“Come here, Y/N” Rafe spoke, now supporting his younger sister. Despite Y/N and Sarah being twins, Rafe and she had an unspoken bond. The sibling relationship held no jealousy, but empathy for each other’s struggles and relationships with their father. No competition or underlying hatred–something Rafe held against Sarah for being the favorite child. “I got you, let’s get this going for you.”

Rafe fumbled with the device, despite training for this emergency multiple times. JJ watched him kneel down beside his sister, and the hatred between the two disappeared. Rafe never approved of his sisters hanging out with the Pogues, but when it came to Y/N and her diabetes, nothing mattered anymore.

As the insulin started to take effect, Y/N started to feel better. Rafe and JJ sat with her, keeping her company until she became fully conscious again. Rafe held her hand, stroking his thumb over it. Seeing his sister in such a distressed state only made things worse for Rafe–not wanting to get the backlash from their father. Y/N constantly reminded him that her diabetes would never be his fault if something bad happened to her–she made sure Ward knew too. 

 Pope, Kie, and the couple watched over Y/N s well, worried that they would have to call an ambulance. 

"Thanks, Rafe," Y/N said, feeling grateful. "I'm sorry I'm such a burden and killing the mood."

Rafe chuckled. "You're not a burden," he said. "You're my little sister. I'll always be here to take care of you." A side of Rafe Cameron not many people witness. If anything were to happen to his siblings, under his watch, he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself. 

The night ended shortly after, Pope offering to drive Y/N home s she could fill her pump with insulin. Accepting his offer, JJ rode in the backseat with the Cameron girl. Her head rested on his shoulder, Pope peeking through the rearview mirror to make sure nothing else went awry. The two helped her inside, not wanting to leave until she made herself comfortable, fixed her pump, and got some light food and water in her. 

“Thank you, Pope,” She wrapped his arms around him. She knew how much he disliked Rafe–just relieved neither JJ nor Pope let their feelings get in the way of her health. Letting go, she faced the blonde. 

Pope waited in the car, allowing the two to talk privately. 

“I was hoping we’d have more time together tonight to dance and talk.” She confessed. JJ laughed, nodding his head. He wished the night didn’t end the way it did as well. 

“Hm, maybe tomorrow we can make up for a lost time–only if you remember to take care of yourself.”

#jj maybank x reader #( jj maybank ) #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank #jj maybank x kook!reader #obx imagines #outer banks imagine #jj maybank x cameron!reader #rafe cameron younger sister #rafe cameron imagine #sarah cameron twin sister

[obx-paradise]

What Happened To You?

Summary: You and Rafe have always been close but when you both get involved in the chase for the gold on opposing teams, some things change

Pairing: Rafe x Adopted sibling!reader; JJ x Cameron!reader (if you squint)

Warnings: Violence, Manipulation, Basically all of the shows warnings

Word Count: 2.7k

—

Growing up as a Cameron was easy. You got everything handed to you on a silver platter, as did all the other Cameron siblings.

Your mom and dad weren’t sure if they were going to be able to have any more children after Sarah came along so they decided to adopt since they always wanted a minimum of 3 children.

It came as a shock when they found out that she was pregnant with another baby, Wheezie.

That’s how they ended up with you as a part of their family.

Growing up, you had a strong bond with Rafe. Your mom would tell you that he had always loved you, from the first time he saw you at 3 years old he wanted to help his mom take care of you. She said it was the same way with Sarah but as you got older you saw that it wasn’t.

Rafe never treated you and Sarah the same. He was gentle with you, not to say he wasn't with Sarah, he just wasn’t as kind. It was a different kind of relationship. 

Although being a Cameron had its benefits, you didn’t want your last name to define you. You weren’t some rich stuck-up asshole who uses their money to gain power. You were a kind-spirited, humble person. 

Over the years, you had been taught that the people who had less than you were less than you. You grew out of that once you met the one person who would change that whole perspective. 

—

You had been assigned an experiment in school that day and you had to pick a location and do a good deed.

What better place to go than the cut. 

You were walking from house to house, knocking on doors, asking if anyone needed help with anything. Most people, knowing who you were, said yes but unfortunately the jobs were too big for a 13-year-old so you weren't able to do them. 

Finally, you came up to a house that didn’t look to be in the best condition. The door opened and standing there was a boy. You had seen him around Figure Eight doing odd jobs here and there. His name was JJ. He was cute. He looked like he was as old as you, 13 maybe 14 years old. No older than that.

You began to recite the same speech you had given to everyone who opened their door for you. It’s engraved in your brain at this point. You were tired and if he refused then you would probably go home and try again another day.

“Hi! My name is Y/n. I’m doing an experiment for a school project where I find someone who needs help with anything around their home, and I do it for them. Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Rather than accepting your offer, he said, “Do I look like I need help?”

As confused as you were you answered with, “Um… yeah kinda. It could be anything like washing your car, cutting your grass or cleaning your porch. Anything like that.”

You were desperate for him to say yes to anything you had just suggested. You needed an A on this project considering you were close to failing the class.

It was the only class you had a C in and you needed to pass, or your dad would sit you down and talk about how doing the best you can is all he could ever want but you know that he wants you to be the best. 

“You’re a kook?” he asked you as he stepped out on the porch and closed the door behind him

“Yeah, I guess. I don’t see how that matters though”

“It matters because we don’t take charity” He seemed very set on his answer

“Well, it’s not –” You were cut off by the sound of glass breaking coming from inside his house, then by the door flying open. You immediately saw JJ freeze and tense up at the sound of the man's voice. 

“JJ! Boy, what are you doing out here!? Get your ass inside!”

JJ looked at you with what looked like fear in his eyes. “You need to get out of here. Now.”

You went to question why but before you could, the man, who you assumed was his dad, grabbed him by the arm and dragged him inside. Looking back at you he yelled one last “Go!” before the door was shut behind him. Leaving you standing on his porch, worried, thinking about him.

—

Ever since then, you visited him almost every day because you were worried about him. Over time you both became good friends then, eventually, best friends. 

When he introduced you to the rest of the pogues you felt a sense of comfort that you had never felt while you were around your other friends. 

You knew that this was going to be your new normal. Hanging out on the cut with your best friends, with not a care in the world.

You have been shielded your whole life and although you like the safety of it all, you wanted some excitement. 

So when you got involved in everything with the Royal Merchant and the gold you realized that you had gotten what you wished for. Later on, you found out that Sarah had also gotten involved along with the shock of her dating John B. 

You and Sarah had a good but complicated relationship. She’s your sister and you love her but you couldn’t help but be jealous of her at times. But not always.

She had all the attention on her at all times, she was the “kook princess” as many people put it. Everyone loved her, including Ward. It was no secret that she was his favorite and always will be.

That was probably why you have always been closer to Rafe. Something was holding you back from having a full relationship with your sister.

But standing here in front of Rafe, you have a feeling that some things are about to change.

—

“You jumped him, Rafe!” You just found out that Rafe and Topper, but mostly Rafe, had jumped Pope on the golf course earlier that day. 

You couldn’t believe him. You knew he hated pogues but you could’ve never imagined your brother would beat up your friend. 

“Yeah, I jumped him, Y/n. They pulled a gun on Top!” You could tell that he was angry. Maybe not at you, but at the situation.

“Pope didn’t do anything. Topper was drowning John B! What else would’ve made him stop?!”

“Why are you defending them? Why is it okay for them to pull out guns on us?” He was definitely using up all of his patience on you. However much he had.

You let out a sigh “It’s not okay, Rafe. But it’s also not okay for you to do what you did. Can you please, just, not do it again? For me?”

You were really hoping he’d agree to stop hurting your friends. With everything going on you didn't need him hurting anyone. 

“Fine, but if they cross me, I won’t hesitate to beat their asses.” With that, he walked away.

—

As time went on, things kept getting worse and worse with the chase for the gold. Turns out all the gold was on land, in Parcel 9. Finding it was surprisingly easy and once you guys had a couple of pieces you decided to melt it and pawn it off.

The lady at the counter had told JJ that she would give him the money but she didn’t have that much cash in the shop so she had to send you all to the “warehouse” that was practically in the middle of nowhere.

After a couple minutes of driving, a cop pulled you guys over.

“Cops? Out here?” Kie had said 

“God! Are you kidding me? What did we do?”

As the cop got out of the car you quickly realized that the “cop” was not a cop at all. The man had walked up to John B’s window and shoved a gun in his face, yelling at him to get out of the car.

When you were walking out of the Twinkie, the guy pointed the gun at your face and yelled at you to lie in the ditch, threatening to shoot you. JJ came to your defense and started yelling back at the man, but you knew if you didn’t stop him, he would get shot.

“JJ, stop it!” You yelled in hopes that it would get him to stop provoking the only person with a gun. 

Eventually, he found what he wanted and went back to his car, ready to drive off, when John B attacked him from the inside. Once he was down, you took off his mask and recognized him as Barry. The local drug dealer.

“I know this piece of shit! He sells coke to my dad.” JJ said glaring at Barry on the ground

“Probably knows my brother,” Sarah said with disgust

It was no secret that Rafe took drugs. You had never seen him doing them but everyone knew.

JJ bent down, grabbed Barry’s ID, and checked his address. He decided that you all would go to Barry’s house.

Unfortunately, JJ’s “plan” had gotten you in trouble with your brother. 

—

You were walking through town, minding your business, when you heard a motorbike coming up behind you. You turned around to find Rafe on his bike, stopping beside you. 

“Hey,” You said as you stopped walking

“So you’re going around robbing drug dealers now?!” He sounded angry at you, which was unusual because of the relationship you both have with each other. Although, recently you have been drifting apart. 

“What are you talking about? I didn’t rob anyone.” You played it off as if you had no clue what he was talking about.

“Oh no, you’re right, it was your pouge boyfriend! That asshole is dragging you into shit you don't need to be in!”

“Don’t talk about my friend that way. JJ is not my boyfriend, and he didn’t steal anything from anyone.”

You didn’t know what Rafe would do if you admitted the truth. If he would go after your friend. You didn't want anything to happen to JJ if Rafe decided to go through with anything. 

“You’re the good one, Y/n! Sarah can go off the rails, your “friends” can rob people and shit like that but you…you’re supposed to be the sane one.” He said as he walked toward you, getting in your face.

“I don’t know what you want from me, Rafe.” Once again you were trying to push the issue aside. You didn’t want him to get aggressive with you as he tends to get with others.

“I…I want you to stop hanging around them. I want you to be my sister again” He spoke softer, having calmed down a bit.

“I’m still your sister, it’s just that the stuff you do doesn’t help the situation we’re in and it hurts to know that you would willingly do something to hurt me or the people I care about.”

“I would never do anything to hurt you” You would later come to find out that his statement wasn’t true but in the moment you believed him.

—

When Sarah walked into your room one night and told you that Rafe shot Peterkin, you refused to believe her. You didn’t want it to be true.

“What’s happening, Sarah?” You said while pacing the room “This shit is crazy, I don’t know if I can do this anymore” 

“I know, but I’ve told you, he’s psychotic. He’s going crazy and Dad is defending him. Can you believe that?” 

You knew Ward would protect Rafe no matter what.

“I can actually. He would protect any of us if we did something like that.”

—

All of these events led up to where you are right now. You were with JJ getting the Phantom for John B so he could get off the island.

While JJ was going on and on about the boat, you heard a motorbike pull up. Assuming it was Pope, you both ran over to the other side of the boat hanger only to find Rafe and Barry walking towards you. 

You haven’t seen Rafe in a few days but you could tell that he did not look good.

“Rafe, what are you doing here? You need to get out of here. Please” You were panicking. Especially with Barry also being there, it made it worse. 

“See, don't think I forgot about me and you on the side of the road,” Barry said, more like yelled, while pulling out a gun and pointing it at JJ “I'm here because I want my motherfuckin' money”

As Barry started swinging at JJ you pleaded with Rafe, asking him to stop them

“Rafe, please get him to stop. I’m begging you. Please”

“This isn’t about you, Y/n.” He said walking toward you “Where’s John B?”

“I don't know!”

“Hey! Don’t fucking lie to me! Where is he?” He was now completely in your space. Walking towards you while you’re walking backward until he has cornered you. 

Instead of answering his question, you said, “Sarah told me what you did,”

“What? What did I do?”

“You murdered Peterkin” you muttered considering his closeness. 

As soon as you uttered those words, Rafe did something you never thought he would do. He wrapped his hands around your neck strangling you while doing so.

“Don't you ever say those fucking words again”

“Rafe!”

“Understand?”

You had begun crying at this point, hyperventilating, trying to take in as much air as you could before you were cut off completely.

“Rafe…it’s me, it’s your sister, please…”

You looked up into his eyes and saw nothing but anger. It was like he wasn’t conscious of his actions. 

As soon as you felt like you were about to faint, you heard a muffled voice yell “Don't touch her!” from behind Rafe, then a second later, Rafe’s hands let go of your neck, causing you to start coughing, and gasping for air immediately. 

You looked up and saw Pope punching and kicking Rafe and while Rafe did fight back, Pope’s anger made him stronger.

Within the same minute, JJ had managed to overpower Barry and the gun slipped out of his hand.

“Y/n! Kick it!” and so you did but when you turned around you saw Pope strangling Rafe with some type of hose that had been lying in a pile of equipment. 

“Pope. Okay, Pope.” You weren’t freaking out as much as you should be, considering Pope could, very well, kill your brother right now.

“Pope, that's good! Stop!” He still wouldn’t stop

“Pope, that's too much!” You yelled out while JJ followed with, “Dude, come on! Stop! Stop, dude!”

You were starting to wonder if Pope would ever go that far but after you and JJ yelling a bit longer, Pope finally let go. Letting Rafe fall to the ground, face bloodied, and hyperventilating.

The same position you were in a couple of minutes ago, minus the blood. With him on the floor and Barry knocked out you were able to get a good look at him. You could still see the anger in his eyes as he looked up at you.

You couldn’t help but wonder where it all went wrong. Was it the drugs, the gold, or has it been this way for a while and you were just noticing it now? 

“What happened to you?” You whispered with tears in your eyes as he lay there saying nothing back, so you continued “What happened to my brother who said he would never hurt me or put me in danger?”

With that you walked away, joining JJ and Pope who had already hooked up the boat to the back of the truck.

“You good?” JJ asked when you entered the car, “Yeah, let’s go”

With that, you both drove off without looking back. 

Knowing that you would never let yourself wonder “What happened?” ever again.

—

A/n: First post is done! I really hope you all like it. Please let me know if i could improve anything.

#rafe cameron #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x sister!reader #jj maybank x reader angst #jj maybank #outer banks #obx pogues #obx #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron angst #rafe cameron blurb #rafe cameron x female reader #angst

[featherandferns]

slipping (fic)

jj maybank x fem!barry's sister!reader | the reader is canonically adopted so all my POC lovelies aren't left out!

content warning: drinking; brief mentions of drug abuse and suicide; sexual content (p in v, oral, hand-stuff)

word count: 18k.

Blurb: you and JJ have been in a secret relationship for seven months. And it's great. It's perfect. It's just what JJ's always wanted. Except, you don't want to be a secret forever, and JJ can't risk you finding out his history with Barry.

Barry’s house looks like a crack den. To be frank, the word ‘house’ is rather generous. It’s a run-down trailer which looks half-abandoned: surrounded by ditched appliances (like busted washing machines that people had driven out to the farthest stretch of the marsh rather than making the trip to the rubbish tip); overgrown grass and unkept shrubs; a car that no longer runs, pawned off for the valuable parts, now claimed by nature as roots grow within. The only sign that there’s life at this place - outside of the rats and critters and birds - is the tire-tracked make-shift driveway along the grass, so deep that it’s clearly well used.   

JJ parked his bike near the road, hidden in the trees of the marsh. His heavy boots sink into the grass - damp from the rainfall last night - and he shoves his hands in his pockets as he works his way up the drive. He knows he’s being somewhat brazen about the whole thing, heading up to the house in clear view, but he has good reason to. As he gets nearer, rounding to face the netted porch, he feels his smile beginning to show.

“Hey,” he calls.

You look from the motor you’re tinkering with. Smile pretty like the first sunrise of the year.

“Hey,” you say.

JJ steps up the three stairs in two steps. Leans against the frame of the porch.

“You here to pick up for your dad?” you ask. You’re wiping your hands on a rag that’s tucked into your short’s pocket.

“Not quite,” JJ says, watching as you stand. “Your brother home?”

“Who? Barry?” you wonder, playing dumb.

JJ rolls his eyes and smiles wider. “That one, yeah.”

“Nah,” you say casually, sauntering towards him, hands tucked into the back pockets of your shorts. “He’s running an errand.”

“Damn. Guess I came at the perfect time,” JJ plays along.

“Almost like someone tipped you off,” you reply.

You’re standing in front of him now, a little shorter than him. He can’t keep his hands to himself any longer. Hooking one around your waist, JJ leans down to press his lips to yours. The abruptness makes you giggle against his mouth and it keens him on. One of your hands lifts to stroke at his face; your fingers gently tracing over his stubble that’s coming through since the last shave. Pulling back, you smile up at him. That sweet, soft smile that he’s privy to.

“Thought you weren’t gonna get here ‘til later,” you quietly say. He notices that your eyes keep flitting down to his lips, half-distracted.

“Missed my girl.”

“Your girl?” you echo, quirking a brow.

JJ doesn’t reply outside of a shrug. You chuckle, blinking up into his eyes. He feels like he could drown in yours. Bathe in the endlessness of them.

Your arms loop around his neck, tugging him down nearer to your face. JJ lets his hands rest on your hips a moment before swooping down to find home just under your shorts. His fingers tease under the denim, tracing the soft skin of your backside.

“You gonna take care of your girl or what, then?”

“Impatient, huh?” JJ chuckles. He cuts off his own laugh by pressing his mouth to yours once more.

You mould against him as if the two of you were made to be together. Follow the tilt of his head with yours as he deepens the kiss. Lusciously tease your tongue against his, pulling back enough to have him chasing your mouth. If he could – if there weren’t too high a risk with him doing so – he’d take you right here on the porch. Bend you over the abandoned entryway table or have you atop of him on the couch. But inside is better and safer, so he lets you guide him in, fingers dancing through yours as you flash a smile at him over your shoulder.

He can remember a time you used to be embarrassed of the interior of your house. JJ knew rough living – his dad was far from house proud – but Barry’s place was a different level. The stove didn’t work and the door hung forever open, broken on the hinges. Half the cupboards didn’t shut right and roaches were so frequent they may as well pay rent. But he never judged and never commented. Especially now, as you pull the two of you into your bedroom, pushing him against the wall with that contagious laugh of yours that makes him smile.

“Was thinking ‘bout you this morning,” you tell him. Your hands are working at the fly of his shorts.

“What about?”

He’s watching the nimbleness of your fingers as you pull down his zip. Has him grinning, body tingling at the thought and the excitement. Being wrapped up in you is like opium: euphoric and addictive.

“Just how good you fucked me last time,” you casually sigh.

JJ gasps through his brimming grin when you shove a hand into his boxers, rubbing at his semi. The way you look up at him, innocence faked on your expression like butter couldn’t melt in your mouth…it’s a deadly trap.  

“I got a little impatient waiting. Had to take care of myself this morning. All alone,” you go on, coiling a hand around his neck to coax his mouth nearer to yours.

Your hand is still working at him, pulling him out of his boxers now, and JJ stammers a moan against your grinning lips as you squeeze gently around the head.

“Guess I gotta make it up to you then,” he somehow manages.

“Guess you gotta.”

Moving to kiss him again, you move your hand faster. Take a moment to spit on your palm, to help it slide easier. JJ lets his hands roam your clothed body (why are you still dressed?) and settles on palming at your breast under your t-shirt, touch half-restricted by your bralette. As he feels himself edging, he groans against your mouth, breaking the messy kiss.

“’M close,” he sighs, eyes slipping shut.

The way your spare hand caresses his jaw is a stark juxtaposition to what you’re doing to him, under the belt. It reminds JJ that it’s you – familiar, perfect, wonderful you – and that only drives him closer. Has him moaning out, unashamed for you to hear the sounds he makes. Only for you.

“We got time,” is all you say, voice quiet like it’s a secret, and JJ knows that he can let go.

We got time for more.

He comes with a shudder, groaning against your mouth, eyes clamped shut as he pumps himself in your closed fist, chasing the pleasure. You kiss him through his orgasm, trailing them along his cheekbone and eyelids. He chuckles as he comes down, opening his eyes to take in the mess on your shorts.

“Fuck. Sorry,” JJ mumbles.

You shake your head. “They needed a wash anyway.”

The two of you laugh, prompting his eyes to meet yours once more. You’re smiling at him, leaning forward to kiss him again, like a diver coming back for air, over and over. JJ’s impatient now. Tugs your tee-shirt over your head and shucks down your shorts and panties, following them to the floor as he lowers onto his knees. Your skin smells like rose and bergamot from your lotion. The smell screams of you and makes him smile against your skin, leaning his face softly against your thigh as he presses kisses, teething gently at the skin. You sigh out a moan above him, leaning your hands on the wall for support. JJ eases your legs open wider, mumbling playful demands under breath that have you lustfully giggling. Then he’s going at you, eating you out like a man starved for dinner, and the sounds you make are fucking heavenly. Gasping out his name, your moans are cutting into each other like there’s two sides of your brain competing. He’s only motivated more, lifting higher onto his knees, moving a hand around to roughly grasp at your cheek, manhandling you to appease his hunger. Fingers dig deep into the flesh. He could quite gladly die here, JJ thinks, as he goes down on you. Sinfully sweet and salty on his tongue, like a forbidden fruit. The tell-tale squeak in your voice is his signal that you’re close, but JJ doesn’t want you to come yet. Not yet.

He pulls away with a breath. You whine in protest, one hand even trying to shove his face back on you.

“JJ…”

He can’t help but laugh. Teasing and dark. He gets to his feet.

Your hands are shaky as they cup at his face, pulling his lips to yours. JJ pulls you off him, forces you so your chest is against the wall. The hastiness has you panting. All of your snarky quips are gone, lost to his mouth and tongue. Shoving his boxers down and pulling off his shirt, JJ grabs one of your hands in his, holding it against the wall, fingers interlocked. He’s already hard again, guiding himself to your entrance, forcing your legs apart wider once more with a foot against yours. Eases in with a groan, collapsing his head against your shoulder, fixated on your wanton moan.

JJ fucks you good and hard. He knows how you like it and what you want. His finger slips down to your clit, rubbing fervently, and you whine against the peeling wallpaper of your bedroom walls. His other hand never leaves yours. Squeezing at your interlocked fingers lovingly, strikingly different from the painful pace he’s set.

“Feel so fucking good,” he pants against your clammy skin. Your only reply is a whine. “You getting close, baby?”

“Fuck, yes,” you shiver.

It spurs him on. Makes you louder. It’s obscene and filthy and…And it’s over too soon.

You collapse against the wall when you come, voice so loud he’s only half-worried it might carry across the marsh. JJ shifts his hand away from your bruised clit to help hold you up. It’s like your limbs have turned to jelly. You let JJ use you to find his own relief, groaning against your clammy back as he finishes inside you and thank Christ for the pill. Through the euphoric haze, he half registers your fingers teasing softly at his hair, soothing him through it.

Breathing heavy, he lifts his head to find yours glancing over your shoulder, eyes watching him. You’re veering for a kiss and JJ gladly indulges.

“Jesus fuck,” JJ dozily mumbles against your swollen mouth.

“Language,” you reply with a small, breathless laugh.

The two of you can’t help but groan as he slides out. You wiggle your fingers against the wall.

“My hand’s going dead, JayJ,” you mumble, almost apologetic.

He lets go. “Sorry.”

“It’s okay,” you chuckle.

Turning around, back now against the wall, you loop your arms around his bare chest and lean against him, the way a sloth might wrap itself around a tree. JJ sniggers, brushing a hand through your hair. He feels you press a tender kiss to his chest that’s still struggling to catch breath.

“You tired, huh?”

“Mhm,” you hum. “You came at the perfect time. I was like one minute away from throwing that motor out into the marsh.”

JJ quietly grunts as he lifts you up – your legs hooking loosely around his waist – and he walks the two of you back to your bed. The pair of you cuddle up atop of the sheets, letting the few rays of sunlight that leak into the room warm strips of your skin. He finds himself drawing mindless patterns on the skin of your thigh, and you appear to be doing the same on his chest.

“Who you fixing it up for? The motor?”

“You know Mr Lewis?”

“Is that the guy who works at the deli?” JJ checks.

“Mhm. It’s from the delivery van. I told him I’d have it done by Thursday,” you reply, yawning. It’s currently Tuesday.

JJ forgets sometimes that you’re a high school dropout. You’re smart enough to graduate. Easily smarter than him. One time, when he was losing his mind over some algebra homework that his teacher insisted he do (that was, if he wanted to skip out on retaking a year), you had taken the time to explain it to him. The way you laid it out was so simple and easy, like reciting the alphabet or counting to ten. But whenever he asked why you dropped out you would just reel off the usual self-deprecating excuse. That people from your family don’t get high school diplomas - it just wasn’t a thing.

“How’s school?” you ask as if you’d been following his line of thought.

“Boring,” JJ sighs. “Bit more fun now that John B’s back though.”

“Still can’t believe they survived,” you say. Then, shifting to meet his gaze, you add, “not in a bad way, just-”

“No, no, I know what you mean,” he eases. One of his fingers comes to tease at a strand of your hair, smiling down at you. “I mean, I wouldn’t believe it either. Hell, I didn’t, for a while.”

You chuckle at that, nodding, lowering your head back down onto his chest.

This is good. This is good for JJ and good for you. Not only is it good, but it’s fun. A secret is fun. Nobody else knows: not even the Pogues or your brother. These clandestine meetings and rendezvous and unknown dates are the definition of excitement. Nobody knows that JJ spends nearly every night buried in you, and that the unsaved number on his phone is filled with sweet, soft and sometimes sensual texts that came from you. Inside jokes than have accumulated over the seven months of your relationship. Nobody knows that JJ knows Barry’s younger sister as more than just that flippant title. That he knows your favourite television show and your favourite singer, and he knows the way to twist his fingers just right to have you bordering on screaming. He knows what it feels like to have your mouth on him and your teeth biting down onto the skin of his shoulders, but also what it feels like to make you laugh and to see you work. What it feels like to be at the mercy of your stare. He’s lucky enough to be in your light and be acknowledged by someone so strangely pure for all the shit the universe had thrown your way. If JJ got dealt a bad hand, then you got dealt fake cards. But all the darkness and grit hadn’t made you mean or distant. Instead, it made you glow, like tossing logs into an open flame.

“Wish I could meet him.”

“Who?” JJ asks. He’s lost in thought, eyes staring up at your ceiling. There’s a patch of mould in the corner that you’ve tried to conceal with some cheap, fake ivy vines.

“The president.”

“Really?”

You snort. “No, you moron. John B.”

JJ’s attention comes back to the conversation. He swallows, somewhat nervous. He hates when you bring this stuff up.

“I mean, you have met him.”

“Sure, like I’ve spoken to him at a kegger like…Two years ago?”

“He’s really not that interesting of a guy so,” JJ lamely says.

“Not that interesting? JJ, John B was a wanted fugitive who lived in Nassau with Sarah for like a month or something? Come on!” you reply with a laugh.

He closes his eyes at the sound. You sound so light and cheerful. He just knows whatever he replies with is going to crush it, like treading on a freshly blossomed flower. Why did you have to bring this up?

JJ shifts so he can slip out of your hold. You move to sit, legs half crossed, and he can feel your eyes watching him as he leans to your bedside table for the box of cigarettes you keep there.

“It doesn’t have to be soon,” you quietly say to his back.

He retrieves a cig and slots it between his lips, reaching for the lighter. He’d engraved your initials in it the same way he had ‘JJ’ engraved on his own. Please, please drop it.

“Just…Maybe sometime this month?”

“They’re not very interesting people,” JJ manages out, voice muffled by the cigarette as he flicks at the lighter. He hopes it’ll discourage whatever interest you have in meeting his friends. Hopes his voice sounds casual. “We don’t do much, either. Just sit around and surf and stuff.”

“Well, same,” you eventually reply, happiness already dwindling. “So, I guess I have that in common with them.”

JJ leans against the creaky headboard of your bed and takes a puff of the cigarette. He looks down at the lighter as he fiddles with it in one hand. It seems you won’t let the topic go (not that he expected you to, if he’s being honest with himself). You grab at his attention by taking the cigarette from him, having a drag yourself. He watches as you exhale, smoke filling the space before you as you sit, naked and sweet. Holding it out to him, your smile is now gone. Instead, there’s this shadow of anxiety looming over your features.

“We’re together, right?”

JJ takes the cigarette back. “Yeah?”

“Is that a question or an answer?”

“An answer,” JJ clarifies. Then, “Yes, we’re together.”

“And we have been for seven months now, right?”

JJ takes another pull, looking away from you and to the doorway. “I mean, I don’t know the exact length of—”

“We have,” you interrupt, firmly. “Seven months, one week and two days.”

Crap.

“Didn’t know we were keeping score,” JJ nervously chuckles, hoping to lighten the mood somewhat.

But when he looks to you again, you’re not smiling. You’re shaking your head.

“I don’t want to be a secret forever, JJ,” you say. “I understand why you wanted to keep it quiet at first. I mean, I did too. Whilst we figured it all out and what this actually is.”

As you speak, you gesture between the two of you.

“But…I’m tired of sneaking around, JayJ. Of lying to my friends and my brother. Of not being able to talk about you to them. Because…Well, because I want to,” you meekly admit, shrugging. “I want to kiss you when everyone’s watching, as fucking dumb as that sounds, and I wantpeople to know that you’re taken, and that you’re taken by me.”

It takes everything in JJ not to wince at that. He swallows down your words with an inhale of the nicotine. Doesn’t hold your gaze because how can he? He knew his lie would catch up to him eventually. JJ has a bad habit of spinning these fables as if he won’t get tangled in the mess of it. Hell, his bad habit to run his mouth is the reason why JJ can’t let you two come out to anybody, not even the Pogues. If even one person knows about the pair of you, then Barry will find out. It’s inevitable. The Outer Banks is a small place and news travels fast. The moment Barry finds out is the moment you find out what he did. It’ll be the moment he’ll lose you, forever. And that fear – that genuine risk – is far worse than having to sneak around, in JJ’s world.

“Hey.”

Your fingers brush against his, coaxing his hand into yours, intertwining the digits until you’re holding hands. He looks up at that, looks into your eyes. You’re smiling again, soft but solemn, like you’ve read some mellowing news.

“I don’t wanna rush you, okay? I just…I need to know that eventually, we won’t be a secret anymore,” you say quietly.

JJ smiles at you – the best smile he can manage – and nods. Lifts your interlocked hands to his tobacco tasting lips, pressing a kiss against the skin. Rose and bergamot.

“We won’t be,” JJ tells you. Nods, affirming it. Almost willing it into reality. “We won’t be, alright? Just a little more time.”

When you smile, he swears he feels his heartbeat ease. JJ’s thankful that you kiss him, because he can’t keep looking you in the eyes and act like it doesn’t kill a part of him to lie, straight to your face.

~*~*~*~*~*

U lol

JJ can’t help but smile at the meme you’ve sent him. It’s so stupid, hardly even a joke, but somehow it taps into his sense of humour perfectly. JJ sniggers as he replies.

“What you smiling at?” John B wonders.

JJ looks up from his phone. Instinctively turns it off before anyone can catch a glimpse of the screen.

“Just this thing,” JJ shrugs.

Kiara’s plucking the strings of her ukelele, lounging in the hammock that JJ nearly fought her for. He’s taken one of the deckchair loungers instead. Pope’s sat by the tree. He’s flicking through local history books, trying to see if there might be any clues in there about the island room. JJ thinks it’s a lost cause but got shut down the moment he started to say so. John B is still brooding from his break-up with Sarah. At least the boy wants to drink – now that’s something JJ’s glad to get on board with.

“You’ve been texting someone for the past half hour,” John B says.

“You stalking me or something?”

“It’s hard not to notice when you keep giggling like a girl at your phone.”

“Since when do I giggle?” JJ counters.

“Since today,” John B quickly replies. Then, he pulls out his phone and gives an award-winning impersonation. JJ gladly flips him off.

“I think our little playboy is whipped,” Kiara says from the hammock.

“I’m not whipped,” JJ says.

“But you are talking to someone?” she checks.

JJ rolls his eyes. He hates the grilling. Wishes they’d all back off. Despite his lack of an answer, it seems to be more than enough for Kie.

“Who is she?”

“Nobody. I don’t know what you’re talking about,” JJ says.

“Those are two different answers, man,” John B tells him.

“I thought JB was bad at lying but that might’ve been your worst,” Pope indirectly agrees, not looking up from his book.

“Look, the important thing right now is getting John B macking on someone else, alright?” JJ redirects, pointing to his best friend. “The fastest way to get over someone is to get on top of someone else, I’m telling ya.”

“Spoken like a poet,” Kie comments.

“I’m not interested in anyone else, JJ,” John B says. “Sides, even if I wanted to hook up with someone else – which I don’t - who the hell would it be?”

“Bro, I’m telling you, that chick in English is totally into you,” JJ says. “Like she’s practically drooling at her desk whenever she looks at you.”

“Is she now?”

“Yeah, man. I’ve got eyes, don’t I?”

“Debatable,” John B mutters, looking back to his phone.

JJ feels himself relax back in his chair again.

After the conversation the two of you shared the other night, JJ’s feels haunted. The way that you kissed him, all happy and sweet, when he’d just lied to your face…Kie would tell him that karma was waiting at the ready. That is, she would if she knew about it. JJ didn’t like lying to you. If he could, he’d go back in time and he’d leave the house and the money like the rest of the Pogues said he should. He’d do the right thing for once his sorry life.

Sighing, JJ rocks his head backwards and glances absentmindedly to the hammock. He’s a little surprised to see that Kie’s already looking at him. She’s watching him, practically studying him, and has this expression on her face that makes JJ swallow nervously.

“What?”

“Nothing,” she shrugs. Looks back down to her ukelele.

JJ watches her a moment longer before finally looking away. It takes a liar to know one.

~*~*~*~*~*

The tide’s come in.

There’s barely any beach left and it’s pushed you back to the sand dunes. JJ cusses as he spots you, sat with your knees near your chest, staring out to the water like something from a poem.

“Hey! I’m here! I’m here!” he hollers, jogging over.

You turn around at the sound of his voice. No smile. “You’re late.”

“I know, I know,” he says, coming to a stop before you. “I’m sorry, alright? This thing, with the Pogues, it just ran over but—”

“And you didn’t think to text me?” you sigh, holding up your phone. “I mean, my legs are bitten to hell now by the skeeters.”

“I’m sorry,” JJ repeats, dropping to sit beside you. You shake your head, looking away, but don’t move your hand from his when he reaches for it. “I should’ve made up an excuse or something to leave early.”

“Or you should’ve just told them the actual reason why you needed to leave,” you mumble, ticked off.

JJ sighs and leans over, pressing a kiss to your exposed shoulder. It prompts you to look to him. Your lips are still pressed in an unimpressed frown. He gazes into your eyes.

“I’m sorry,” JJ tells you once more, sincere and genuine.

You deliberate it over with a small sigh, rubbing your lips together in thought. Eyes scan his face and his features.

“Okay,” you relent. A twitch in your cheeks, teasing for a smile. “You’re off the hook. Don’t do it again, though.”

JJ nods, smiling too. “I won’t. I won’t, alright?”

“Okay,” you smile, properly. He kisses you, making you chuckle through your nose.

“You look cute, by the way. I like this,” he says, thumbing at the fabric of your top.

“Thanks,” you say. “If you weren’t late maybe I’d tell you that I like your shorts.”

“I thought that I was off the hook!” JJ loudly returns, making you laugh.

He grins at that. He likes when you laugh, and even better when he’s the cause of it. It makes your eyes go all crinkly and cute.

“Not all the way,” you playfully reply. “What were you guys caught up with, anyway?”

JJ shrugs and leans back on his elbows. The sunset looks pretty from here, over the horizon. It shines a tapestry of colours on your legs.

“Nothing important.”

Nothing important, asides from trying to figure out what the hell an island room might be.

“Why do I get the feeling you’re lying to me?”

JJ’s head darts round to you with that, but you’re grinning at him, dispelling his worry that you’re onto him. There’s a smudge of oil near your eye from the latest handy-man job you’ve taken on. He licks his thumb and moves to wipe it away, smiling when you cringe.

“Like I would ever lie to you,” he jests as he wipes at your face.

You bat his hand away. “Ah, the thing every girlfriend wants to hear.”

JJ leans in to kiss you, unable to help it as if he’s craving another hit. He’s gently grabbing at your face to draw you closer. He swears he could make-out with you forever and never get bored. Screw food and screw water and screw air. This. This is what livings about. Humming out a moan, JJ eases you onto your back on the sand, hovering atop of you. His lips leave yours to trail delicately down your jawline. He practically purrs when you bring a hand up to play with his hair.

“You know the bonfire’s this Friday?”

“Mhm,” JJ hums against you, half-listening. His senses are flooded by the smell of you: roses and bergamot.

“You busy that night?”

“Don’t know yet,” he says, barely breaking away from the hickey he’s started working on, at the underside of your jaw. One of his hands slips under the pretty top you’re wearing, palming at your breast.

“Well, I think I’m gonna go,” you tell him. Your voice is a little breathless now. “I was wondering if you wanted to come too?”

“As in whether I’m going or…?”

“As in us going together,” you correct.

JJ slowly eases up on his assault on your throat. He closes his eyes, briefly tensing his lips together. Fuck.

“Well, I don’t know if I’m gonna be free that night,” he says, hoping to sound casual.

Your fingers tether in his hair enough to pull him away from your neck. It’s like you force him to meet your gaze.

“Well, if you are free, then do you wanna? I don’t know, I thought it’d be kinda nice? Could meet your friends and stuff, and you could meet mine,” you say, smiling bashfully.

And it’s sweet. It’s so sweet, and thoughtful, and if JJ wasn’t such a fucking idiot, it’d be the perfect way to publicise your relationship. It isn’t that JJ doesn’t want to. He wants to, more than anything. To have your hand in his in front of everyone at school, and to have you dancing with him and drinking with him, and to let everyone know that you’re his as much as he’s yours.

It isn’t that JJ doesn’t want to. It’s that he can’t.

“I, um,” he pulls away, resting back on his haunches. His hand slips out of your top.

You shift up to sit, watch as he looks away, down the beach. There’s nobody else around. The only thing you can hear is the lapping of the waves, the steady crash and break of the tide, and the distant calling of birds.

Clearing his throat, JJ rubs at the back of his neck and fixes his cap.

“I think if I go, it’ll, uh, be with my friends, you know?”

Quiet. Another bird. Another wave.

His heart clenches at the sound of your sigh. It’s heavy with disappointment.

“Yeah. Uh, right. Of course,” you mumble.

“Just cause like, it’s like a tradition that we go together, you know?” JJ tags on, looking to you. “And John B’s proper losing it with this whole Sarah shit-show.”

You’re nodding, lips pursed, staring down at your hands that twiddle together in your lap. You sniff sharply and force your face up to meet his. The smile you flash him is brief and fake. He can see right through it, like you’re made of sea glass.

“No, yeah. It was a dumb idea anyway,” you chuckle dejectedly, shaking your head. JJ frowns.

“No, hey, it wasn’t dumb—”

“—Look, I gotta be heading back soon. Well, now, actually,” you say, moving to stand up.

JJ watches you do for from his spot on the ground. From here, under the light of the setting sun, he can see the sheen to her eyes as if there are tears welling. Fuck.

“Baby, no, you don’t—”

“—No, no, it’s just cause it’s late,” you weakly continue, grabbing for your cardigan. You wrap it round you and glance behind you. “And I told Barry I’d help him with some stuff tonight and…”

By the time JJ’s on his feet, you’re already starting to walk backwards. You flash him another tense, painful smile.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

“Well, I’ll…I’ll see you soon, right?”

You nod. Give an awkward wave, in a way you never have with him before. “Yeah. Um, have fun at school tomorrow.”

Then you turn your back to him and walk away.

JJ watches after you, frozen in place like he’s stupefied until you’re out of sight, heading around the bend of a tree. He sighs loudly. He’s mad at himself. Frustrated at the bullshit of the whole situation. Why did he have to steal that money, all those months ago? John B tried to warn him off it but at the time, it just seemed so simple. He didn’t know you then. You were just Barry’s sister: a name in an anecdote, usually revolving about how you dropped out of Kildare High. But now…Now you’re you.

Yanking off his cap, JJ tosses it on the ground, grunting. Rakes his fingers roughly through his hair. He looks out to the water and the dusk-painted sky. Once he’s gathered himself enough to walk home, JJ leans down to collect his cap. He brushes some sand off it and watches how easily it slips away, and how much it resonates with the feeling that you’re slipping through his fingers, too.

~*~*~*~*~*

The bonfire is swarming with people. They stand in crowds and droves, chatting and laughing and heckling one another. Empty bottles and cans lay scattered around, making Kiara sneer and roll her eyes. JJ follows his friends out the van, hooking an arm over John B’s neck. It still feels a little surreal to have him close again and to be able to lean on him whenever. Part of him wonders if he’s still in shock, of having his brother back.

As they walk past Kathy, she’s handing over a red solo cup to John B with a smile. JJ smiles back at her, grins as John B takes a sip, and tries to pretend like his heart isn’t going to beat out of his chest with the anxiety that you might be here tonight. He hasn’t spoken to you since the evening on the beach. Doesn’t really know what to say or where to start, and you haven’t reached out to him either. JJ’s not sure a silence has ever stretched so loud.

John B’s still complaining about the break-up with Sarah. JJ tunes back in and forces his mind away from the incident on the beach. Thinking about it only makes him feel sick.

“So she’s like, ‘that’s it’.”

“I know. I know, I know, but dude, her father blew up right in front of her,” JJ reminds him, moving to stand to his side. “Just give her a minute, alright?”

Ironic, spewing dating advice whilst his own secret relationship is falling apart behind the scenes. But, hey, nobody sees you lose when you’re playing solitaire.

JJ’s eyes catch on to a small pile of cans of larger. Hell yes, he could do with a drink. He swipes a couple of beers and passes one to John B.

“In the meantime, shot gun, right now. Like the old times.”

“Hey derelicts!”

He spins around as an empty cup hits him on the back, coming face to face with the girl that had been eyeing up John B in class.

“Hey! There she is! That’s you,” JJ says, gesturing to John B. He whips out his pocketknife, slicing into the can. “I’m outta here.”

 JJ hunches forward a moment when John B jabs him low, making him spill his beer. Turning away, taking a swig, JJ looks around. No sign of you so far. Maybe you didn’t show up. Sighing, he glances down at his phone. No texts, no calls. Nothing. Pocketing it, finishing his beer and already starting on a second that he swipes off a pop-up table, JJ moves to make the most of the night and to get his mind off you.

The drinks continue to flow and the conversations come and go. The warmth from the flames of the fire lap gently at his skin, keeping away any summer night chill. About an hour in or so, he’s leaning against the wall, chatting to Pope and Kiara.

“What I don’t understand is, if Karen’s a computer then how come she still works under water?” JJ says.

“JJ. It’s a show about a living sponge at the bottom of the sea,” Kiara deadpans, raising a brow.

“Yeah, I don’t think it’s aiming for realism, dude,” Pope agrees.

JJ shrugs and looks out to the bonfire, absentmindedly scanning the crowds. There’s a nice buzz to him, helping the drinks go down smoothly. “Just always bothered me is all. Like whenever Sandy—”

JJ could recognise you anywhere, even blind. You’re looking at him too. He freezes, beer halfway raised to his mouth.

You look pretty. A pair of shorts – the pair of shorts – and a t-shirt, tucked in. Hair styled all nice, with colourful grips that he can make out, even from over here. There’s a bottle of beer in your hand. At the sight of him, you seem to take a swig. It’s almost like you scoff, but JJ can’t be sure. Then, one of your friends seems to be gathering your attention and you don’t spare another glance to him. Strange, how awful it feels to have you look away from him; to act like you don’t know him from Adam.

“That Barry’s sister?” Kiara asks.

JJ comes back to reality. Looks to his friends to see their eyes on you, too. He takes a swig of his drink, digging in his brain for a new conversation starter to drive the attention away from you. He really doesn’t want to think about all of that right now.

“She the one that dropped out?” Pope checks.

“Yeah. Probably a junkie like her brother,” Kie says.

“She’s not a junkie,” JJ can’t help but defend.

She frowns at him. “How’d you know?”

“Well, cause, like…My dad buys from her brother, right? So, he’s seen her around,” JJ shrugs, cutting himself off with another swig of his drink.

She raises a brow. “And he’s told you that she’s not a junkie? How does that line up?”

“Didn’t you used to have calc with her?” Pope asks Kiara, accidentally saving JJ in the process.

“Yeah. She was actually kinda brainy, too,” Kie replies, glancing back to you.

You’re laughing. JJ’s not sure if he’s imaging the sound or if the noise is carrying.

“I’ve gotta say, didn’t expect someone who looks like Barry to have a sister like that,” Pope mutters.

“Well, she’s adopted, so,” Kie explains simply. It wasn’t a secret, exactly. People just seemed to know that about you. “There used to be three of them: her, Barry and Louis.”

“Louis?”

“The eldest,” Kiara says. “He joined the army too but died in action or something.”

He didn’t die in action. JJ knows that for a fact. He killed himself from the trauma of shooting a man dead-on, leaving a suicide note to explain. He also knows that’s what drove your mom to start abusing pills, becoming hooked on oxy and eventually heroin, until she died with a needle in her arm. He also knows that’s what brought Barry back home, from the army, to take care of you, as a minor, so you didn’t have to go into foster care. Only knows that he did it because it was his mom’s dying wish. He knows that you don’t do drugs, outside of drinking and cigarettes - not even weed. He knows it’s because you’re scared of becoming a junkie like your mom and dying like she did. He knows you didn’t join the army because of what happened to your eldest brother. He knows you prefer to do handy-man jobs instead of following after Barry with the drug-dealing business. That you try to talk Barry out of it almost every day because of all the shit hegets into. Like being involved in fights and helping fugitives and being robbed of twenty-thousand dollars.

JJ finishes his drink in two large gulps.

“I need a refill,” he mutters, crushing the can in his grip.

Pope and Kiara aren’t listening though. He looks up to see they’re now watching something else. He follows their gaze to see a fight breaking out. Squinting through the flicker of the embers, he recognises the flash of blonde hair and the dart of brown. Topper and John B. The trio rush over to help.

It seems the fight with John B and Topper is the warm-up act to the large tiff coming. Before things can get anymore ugly, the Pogues are rushing away from the rowdy crowd, back to the Twinkie. JJ leans against the open window, finishing his beer with a burp.

“Well, that was a little unexpected,” he sardonically quips.

“Was it?” Kie asks from inside the Twinkie.

JJ shrugs, bobbing his head from side to side in deliberation. Then, his eyes catch someone moving in the distance. It’s like you’re a magnetic, always grabbing his attention. Wiping the back of his mouth, gaze still fixed on you as you seemingly mess with your backpack, as if preparing to leave, he deliberates going over. JJ has enough alcohol in him to swallow his pride and do so.

“Hey, I’m gonna be right back,” JJ mumbles, stepping away from the van.

Kiara frowns at him. “What’re you doing?”

“I need to ring it out,” JJ casually lies.

Kie rolls her eyes. The other Pogues are too distracted by discussing the fight to pay too much mind. JJ slips away and follows you out of sight. Then, he quietly calls out your name. You turn around on reflex.

“JJ?”

“Hey, I just…Are you leaving?” he asks, stopping a safe, unnatural distance from you.

Your backpack is slung over your shoulder. You shrug. “Well, you and your friends kind of broke up the party.”

“Topper started that, actually, so,” JJ lamely corrects, gesturing back to the fire.

You roll your eyes. “What do you want, JJ?”

“I wanna talk,” he says, stepping closer. “About what happened at the beach and everything.”

“It’s whatever,” you sigh. You shift your weight from one foot to the other, almost nervously. “It’s in the past now.”

“Is it? Cause we haven’t spoken since and…”

You quirk a brow as JJ trials off. “And?”

“Well,” he sighs, sticks his hands in his pockets. Strange, how after being with you for nearly eight months, it still feels abnormal to be so affectionately open. “Well, I miss you.”

“Wow, what lovely luke-warm sentiment.”

“Look, I’m serious, alright?” JJ says, walking over to you. He grabs for one of your hands and fights to keep it in his hold. You’re obviously reluctant to talk to him but JJ knows you have a weakness for him. That he can sweet talk his way out of anything with you. Part of him feels guilty for it, but the other part is nothing short of relieved. He battles to try and have your gaze meet his. “Where’s your brother tonight?”

“I don’t know,” you mumble.

JJ’s pretty sure you’re lying. He gently cups at your jaw, coaxing you to look up at him. The two of you hold the gaze for a while. There’s a plethora of emotions swimming in your eyes.

Sighing, relenting, you confess, “he’s collecting. Won’t be back until early morning.”

“Like six-ish?”

“More like eight-ish,” you reply.

Leaning down slowly, pressing his forehead against yours, he lets his eyes slip shut. “I’m sorry for being an asshole on the beach, okay?"

Nothing. Then,

"Asshole’s a strong word.”

JJ smiles. If you’re cracking jokes in his favour, then you’re warming back up to him already. The spool isn’t too far unwound to be past the point of repair.

“I have to go deal with John B, but can I come by afterwards? Make it up to you?”

“There’s a lot of making up you have to do,” you tell him.

JJ grins. “Well, we’ve got a lot of time to get it done.”

His smile dwindles only slightly when you pull your face away from his. He opens his eyes into yours. You’re gnawing on your lower lip, deliberating.

“You hurt me, JJ,” you whisper.

He looks down. Nods and purses his lips. Hearing you say something like that to him feels akin to you hurling a well-deserved insult.

“Don’t do it again, alright?”

“Okay,” he nods. At the squeeze of your hand in his, he finds himself looking back up, meeting your gaze. He nods again, firmer. “I won’t.”

“Okay,” you nod back. There’s a hint of a smile peaking through again, like rays of sunshine breaking through clouds on an overcast day.

Kiara hollers JJ’s name from the Twinkie, in the distance. You lean up and press a chaste kiss to his lips. It’s rude how quick it is.

“Come by later.”

JJ nods. Kisses you back, harder, making you chuckle. Then he’s heading back to his friends, sending you one last smile over his shoulder. It feels so secretive as if something taken from Romeo and Juliet; it’s almost exhilarating.

When JJ gets back to the van, Pope is sat behind the wheel, drumming a tune on it. Kiara and John B are talking in the back, the latter holding a cold can against his banging head.

“Where the hell were you, bro?” Kie asks.

“Did you take a dump in the woods?” John B adds.

JJ clambers into the front seat. Pope starts the engine.

“All them cans, man,” he lies, glancing out the window. “We heading back to the chateau?”

“Uh-huh,” Kie affirms. She sounds sceptical, like she’s deep in thought.

JJ doesn’t pay much mind to it. Instead, he nods and hides his smile behind his fist, leaning an arm against the open window frame.

~*~*~*~*~*

Echoing around JJ’s head is the preen of your voice from when you came. Sedated and spent, it almost works well as a lullaby, soothing him as JJ lies on his back on your bed. Your head has found home in the nook beneath his collarbone, tucked under his arm, nestled like a bird on its favourite branch. He leisurely strokes his fingers against the bare skin of your back, drawing patterns, writing incoherent sonnets. You’ve taken to joining his sparse freckles up by an invisible line, traced with your finger. It’s peaceful and perfect, and you’re not mad at him anymore, and JJ feels as though he can breathe right again. He sighs. Stares at the ceiling.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“What the hell am I gonna buy with a penny?”

“Fine. Quarter for your thoughts?”

“Do I get that now or should I request a down-payment.”

“You know what? Forget it,” you huff, amused, nonetheless.

JJ sniggers. Gently presses his fingers into the flesh of your back as an undefined apology.

“What do you wanna know?”

“What you’re thinking about,” you quietly reply.

“I’m thinking about us,” JJ privately returns.

“Really?”

“Mhm.”

And he is. Thinking about the way you were crying out his name, tears in your water line that only turned him on more. The way you whined when he roughly grabbed at your hips, pulling you any which way to appease the both of you. He’s still replaying back the crack in your voice when you came around him. After sleeping with you, JJ’s not sure how he can be expected to think of anything else.

“So, I wanted to ask you something,” you say, pulling away from his hold.

JJ’s peaceful threatens to break, like a truck rattling through a country line road. Please don’t let it be about the Pogues again.

“Yeah?”

The two of you naturally shift so you can look eye to eye, bodies now only connected by JJ’s lose hold around your waist and your entangled feet. It takes all his will power not to stare at your exposed chest. Namely, at the love bite he’s left on your clavicle.

“It’s my birthday next week,” you tell him, voice a little reserved, “and I thought we could celebrate together?”

“Oh yeah? I might have a few ideas on how,” JJ slimily jokes. He suggestively squeezes your hip as a smirk grows on his face. You roll your eyes and flush under his stare.

“Well, yes, that, but also…I was thinking a picnic? On the beach, at our usual spot? Just the two of us.”

JJ’s expression softens. He nods. You grin back in reply.

“Yeah?”

“Sounds good, pretty thing,” he says.

You laugh, raking a finger through your hair. “I don’t think I look all pretty like this but—”

“—I think you look the prettiest like this,” JJ grins in disagreement, leaning up to nudge his nose against yours.

Your laugh bounces off his lips.

JJ’s not lying. Seeing you post-sex is like seeing a Greek goddess in the flesh. Better, even. You sit bare for him, no shame in your figure and any of the so-called imperfections it holds. At the thought, JJ suddenly becomes more aware that he’s naked, too. To be so casual about it requires a trust between two people, surely, and JJ’s never been good at trusting. You, however, are trusting from the get-go. Naïve might be a better word, but that implies that you’re dumb and foolish, which you aren’t. You just have this hopefulness that everybody has a goodness to them, somewhere, deep down. Maybe living with Barry and his crowd drives that trait for you. People do bad things but they’re not bad people was the quote JJ knew you lived by.

JJ kisses you, sliding a hand up your thigh, chasing what the two of you had shared only ten or so minutes ago. You don’t seem to complain. You melt into his touch, kiss him back gladly, hook your arms around his shoulders.

“Wednesday. Next week.”

“Mhm,” JJ hums. He guides you to lay down, clambering atop.

“I’m serious. Seven P.M.”

“Yeah, yeah, seven,” he repeats against the flesh of your neck. He starts kissing down your sweat-sheened body.

Sighing, your fingers loops into the strands of his hair, tugging him to look up at you. JJ can’t hold back the quiet groan it elicits. He loves when you do shit like that. He meets your gaze and this might be the best angle he’s ever had of you, looking up from down below, making out your hooded gaze past your breasts. He feels himself harden at the sight.

“Tell me when and where,” you demand.

JJ manages not to roll his eyes. He presses a kiss to your tummy. “Seven P.M.”

A kiss to your abdomen. “Wednesday.”

A kiss to your pelvic bone, that has you exhaling in bated anticipation. He grins. “At our spot on the beach.”

“Thank you,” you smile.

With that, JJ goes down on you. He’s insatiable.

You’re still soaked from the last time you two fucked. The flavour of your cum mixed with his is fucking pornographic. Pair that with the sounds JJ spurs from you and he’s sure that the two of you have your tickets for hell already in your wallets. No complaints. If this is hell, JJ will gladly burn, all day long.

“Stop wriggling,” he says, lips wet.

“‘m sensitive, you asshole,” you slur.

“That how you should be talking to the guy eating you out right now?”

“Shut up and fuck me.”

You hook a leg over his shoulder, urging him back to your cunt. JJ chuckles darkly before pushing your legs open wider, going in again with newfound hunger, bathing in your cries and cusses. He’s only known religion when he’s lied with you. As he lips suckle at your clit, he teases your weeping entrance with his finger. Pushing in, his silver ring cooly slides against your walls. You whine out, fucked up and pretty, and JJ rocks against the mattress, hard again.

“Fuck, JJ,” you whimper.

He glances up a moment to see you’re rubbing a hand to your forehead. Face contorted in overwhelming pleasure, there’s tears in your waterline again for the second time that night, and its JJ’s doing. It feels fucking fantastic.

“You close, baby?”

“Mhm,” you moan.

He uses his other hand that isn’t finger fucking your pussy to hold your hips down to the mattress. Picking up the pace, JJ works at you, watching your face as you teeter closer and closer to the edge.

“Come on, baby. Show me how fucking pretty you look when you come,” JJ grins.

Your body swallows at his fingers when you finish. Walls contracting again and again, JJ mouths swears against the soft skin of your stomach as he gently eases you through your high. There’s a quiet sob of euphoria.  

“Nobody fucks you as good as I do,” JJ can’t help but boast, slipping his fingers out of you. “Gonna fuck you so good baby.”

He’s shifting you onto your stomach. Your body’s pliant like a rag doll but he knows you can take more. You’d tell him if you couldn’t; if you wanted him to stop. But as you raise your hips up for him, body dripping with cum that has JJ almost falling over the edge himself, he knows you want more. It’s like you were built for him or something. The yin to his libido-oriented yan. When JJ fucks you into the mattress, your face is mushed against the pillow. Wailing and moaning and fucking desperate. JJ finds himself coming all too soon and he does so with a groan of your name.

~*~*~*~*~*

In between school and treasure hunting and sneaking to and from your house, life still happens. Bills still need paying and food still needs eating.

JJ became used to working like a grown man ever since his mother left. His dad was less than reliable so if he wanted a full stomach and a roof over his head (unless he took advantage of John B), JJ had to start earning. Mostly odd jobs and side hustles to prevent the pockets from going empty. Running groceries to figure eight with Pope always helped. The other Pogues decided to tag along for the ride, too. They’re lounging on the boat, waiting for Heyward to finish bagging up all the produce they needed to deliver.

Sound carries easy on open water. It’s the sound of your laughter that catches JJ’s attention. He glances over instinctively. There you are, stood with three people along the jetty. You’re wearing a pair of denim-short overalls with a tee-shirt underneath. Not any tee-shirt: his tee-shirt. It sits a little big on you. Your hair is pulled back and you’re smiling. One hand in a pocket and the other holding a screwdriver. You must be doing an odd job on one of the local’s boats.

“I didn’t know she worked on boats,” Pope says.

JJ looks to him. He hadn’t realised that the others had clocked you too.

“Junkies gotta pay for their stuff somehow,” John B mutters.

“She’s not a junkie, dude,” JJ sighs. “Just cause her brother is don’t mean the whole family is.”

“Why’re you getting so mad about this?” Kiara wonders, glancing to her friend.

JJ shrugs. Shoves his hands in his short’s pockets. “Jus’ don’t think it’s fair talking crap about someone when there’s no need.”

“Not just anyone though, JayJ,” Kie says.

“Yeah. I mean, did you forget the fact that her brother literally robbed us at gunpoint?”

“And that you stole from him?”

“And that he laid you out for it,” John B finishes.

“I don’t need reminding of all that crap, alright? I’m perfectly aware. Damn,” JJ snaps, shooting the trio a glare.

Pope and John B seem to shrug it off. Kiara’s watching JJ again. It’s starting to become irritating, like a pebble that you can’t get out of your trainer.

“Kie what?”

“Nothing.”

“If you’ve got something to say to me, just say it,” JJ tells her.

She shrugs and glances back to you. Then, she shakes her head.

“Doesn’t matter.”

JJ can’t help but use the opportunity steel another look of you himself. You’re nodding at something one of the fisherman’s saying. Taking a glance over your shoulder at the boat, you point at something. It must be about the job they’ve asked for you to do.

“I wouldn’t trust her to work on my boat,” Pope says. “All I’m saying is, that family is bad news.”

“Since when did we judge others from the cut?” JJ mumbles, looking to his trainers as he scuffs them on the boat floor.

“Since their brother attacked us,” Pope returns.

JJ decides keeping quiet is best. It has to be, because if not, he won’t be able to hold his tongue any longer. He’s going to fly off the handle, in your defence, and they’re going to catch on. Worse, it might catch your attention, and you might just come over and casually introduce yourself to his friends, as if they hadn’t been speculating about you behind your back. The whole situation fills JJ with anxiety. The secret isn’t feeling so fun anymore. It’s bordering on dirty work, pummelling him with dread and shame, the same way a dealer might sleep with one eye open.

Heyward is JJ’s saving grace. He appears with reams of carrier bags in a small cart, calling out for the Pogues to start loading up. Later, as they set off towards figure eight, JJ glances your way one final time. You’re watching him. The smile on your face is gone and JJ’s never wanted to see it more.

~*~*~*~*~*

Time always passes quickly with you. It feels to JJ as though you’ve both been sat on your bed playing board games for less than an hour when two have passed. He sits across from you, messing with his lighter, as you deliberate over your concealed letters. He loves the way your brain works. You always have the most creative mind. It’s a shame it’s going to waste, out here, in the trailer.

A small grin comes to your face. You gather up your letters and lean forward to reach the board that sits atop of your duvet. JJ shamelessly glances down your tee shirt as it gapes open by the collar. It used to be his but you’d claimed it a month into dating him. He didn’t much mind. It looked better on you anyway. It was the one you were wearing at the docks, yesterday. Neither of you had mentioned that though.

“Zealous,” you say as you spell it out on the board.

Your fingers tap on each block as you count up your points. The chipped blue nail varnish shines bright in the sunlight streaking through your bedroom window.

“16 points with a double letter score on the ‘s’, making it 17.”

“17 big ones,” JJ mumbles as he writes your score down.

“Read it and weep, baby.”

JJ sighs in thought and leans back on his arms, deliberating over his letters. The room smells like incense, done to counteract the stench of mould, damp and cannabis.

JJ didn’t even know ‘zealous’ was a word. He debates on asking you what it means but decides against it. He sort of wants you to think he knows the word like you do, well enough to pluck it easily from your mind. It’d be funny to see you and Pope go head-to-head in this game, JJ comes to think. It’s a shame that’ll never come to be.

“Okay,” JJ says after homing in on his word. He begins to spell it on the board. “Asshole.”

“JJ, curse words aren’t allowed,” you tell him.

JJ glances up at you, midway through spelling. “Since when?”

“Since always. It’s in the rule book.”

“Who actually reads the rule book?” JJ snorts. He keeps spelling. “Sides. It’s not a curse word, it’s a factual term. The hole of the ass: asshole.”

“Thank you for that definition,” you sarcastically reply.

JJ finishes spelling and he begins to count up his points. He feels his grin begin to morph into a cocky smirk as he totals up.

“10 points anda triple letter score and a double word score, making this…”

He drumrolls on his knees as he takes a moment to do the maths in his head. “44 baby.”

“What?” you bark, leaning over to check.

JJ sniggers to himself as he goes to write his points. The pen is snatched from his hold.

“Hey!”

“You’re cheating!”

“How am I cheating?” JJ laughs.

“Swear words aren’t allowed!” you loudly tell him. You begin to remove his letters from the board.

“Hey!” JJ repeats, lunging over to grab them off you. You refuse to yield, holding them against your chest. “Gimme them!”

“You’re such a child!” you say, beginning to laugh.

JJ glances up to meet your gaze as he replies, “and you’re not? Stealing my letters from the board cause I got a better score?”

“I can’t give up my ‘z’ just for you to get more than double the amount of points with ‘asshole’!”

“Sore loser,” JJ mutters.

He’s still battling you for the plastic letters. In the process, he ends up knocking the board, sending all the other letters out of whack.

“JJ!”

“That was technically you, bro…”

“Let go!” you laugh.

You’ve tumbled onto your back now. JJ’s laughing too, trying to prise your hands open. He grins as he moves a hand under the shirt to tickle at your rib cages. Now you’re in hysterics, crying out, shaking from the humour.

“Stop! Stop! You win, alright! You win!”

Your hand tumbles open and JJ steals the letters back. He lamely tosses them onto the ruined scrabble board with a chuckle, instead leaning down to kiss your giggling mouth. You barely kiss him back through your laughter. JJ doesn’t much care. Hearing you laugh might be the best sound on earth.

“You can’t just kiss me and think you’re off the hook for ruining the game,” you say, opening your eyes into his.

JJ rolls his eyes mirthfully, propping himself above you with one arm. “Well, I didn’t ruin the game—”

“—You messed up the board!”

“Because you wouldn’t give me back my letters!”

You’re vivaciously laughing again, prompting JJ to do so, too. He presses wet kisses to your jawline. Breathes in the scent of you – rose and bergamot – and wishes he could bathe in the smell. Wishes he could bottle it up and carry it around with him, so he never has to be without. He doesn’t say that though. Knows you’ll laugh at him if he does. Instead, he kisses you once more before pulling back to meet your gaze. You’ve mostly calmed your laughter now. Reaching up a hand, you steal his skew-whiff cap and place it on your head with a playful grin.

“How’s it look?”

“You’re almost as handsome as me,” JJ returns, flicking at the lip of it.

You snort. “Impossible.”

JJ can’t help but kiss you again. You sigh into it. Stroke lovingly at his jaw. The moment he pulls away for breath, you’re talking again. He thinks he could listen to your ramblings and never get bored.

“Can you sleep over tonight?”

Plucking out a strand of her to mess with, JJ replies, “what time’s your brother home?”

“Why? You wanna sleep in his bed instead?”

“Har har,” he deadpans. Blows a raspberry against your throat, making you laugh. “Seriously, though. What time?”

“I don’t know,” you shrug. “Maybe one-ish, in the morning?”

JJ nods. He tucks the hair behind your ear. “I don’t think I can.”

You sigh, not particularly irritated, smile still on your face. “He’s not that scary, JJ. I don’t get why you won’t just meet him. When you talk to him, you’ll be fine.”

“I just don’t want him thinking I’m treating his little sister badly. Gotta wine and dine you first,” JJ returns teasingly. He lies through his teeth as if it comes as natural as breathing.

“We’re not Catholics, JayJ,” you snicker. “I don’t think he’d drop dead if he knew there was a guy in my bed.”

“Still,” JJ says. “I don’t want to meet him by bumping into him in the morning.”

You sigh. You run your fingers through his hair in a way that has him weak in the knees. JJ loves how you touch him like he’s something precious; dote on him like a rich parent might to their only child. The way you look at him, it makes JJ feel somewhere between a young God and an innocent man. It’s like he couldn’t do wrong in your eyes. The thought shouldn’t bring as much dread to JJ as it does.

“Could you at least stay over on Wednesday night? Barry’s out of town for a couple of days, then.”

“Sure,” JJ shrugs. “Why Wednesday?”

Your smile momentarily falters. “Wait, for real?”

Oh. Fuck, of course. The picnic. Your birthday. His mind has been so scattered lately, with sneaking around and throwing the Pogues off his scent, and the chaos with the cross and the island room and Sarah and John B…Days seem to merge into one. It’s hard to keep track sometimes.

JJ hopes he plays it off well as he grins. “I’m just messing with you. I know it’s your birthday.”

Your sigh of relief is a little too real. It makes him feel guilty like a man on trial. You gently bat at his chest. “Asshole.”

“Hey! That’s a 44-point word,” JJ winks.

You roll your eyes and smile up at him, and JJ considers staying like this forever.

He doesn’t miss how your smile doesn’t stretch all the way like usual.

~*~*~*~*~*

It’s starting to feel like JJ needs organisers for his mind and thoughts. They’re racing, twenty-four-seven, robbing him of sleep. Daydreams about the cross and what the hell the island room might be. Daydreams about riches if they somehow find it. Daydreams about the future, with you always finding yourself at the forefront. White dress, gold ring, swollen belly…Thoughts about you and fears about people finding out. About the robbery that haunts him and how, because of his own stupid choices, the two of you may never reach that future. How he knows that you’re slipping away from him, slowly but surely, like sand falling through his fingers, grain by grain. How he might not be able to keep his grip. How it might all have been inevitably doomed from the start. I mean, aren’t all the greatest love affairs?

“You’re thinking an awful lot over there, JayJ,” Kiara says.

“Yeah. You’re probably gonna end up hurting yourself,” John B adds.

“Charming, man. Thank you,” JJ sighs.

He tugs off his cap and tosses his head back with another deep exhale. The Pogues are lounging around at the chateau.

“What’s bothering you so much?” Kie wonders.

“You know, just…” JJ gestures lamely. “All this bullshit cross stuff. No offence, Pope.”

“None taken, I don’t think,” he replies.

“I mean, couldn’t Denmark have just written co-ordinates or something. And made a spare key,” JJ mutters. He’s aware of the glare Pope shoots his way. “Jus’ saying.”

“It is a bit cryptic,” Kie backs.

Pope sighs. “Look, it’s somewhere on this island. If we get to it first, then the key doesn’t really matter. All I know is that it’s somewhere on this island.”

“Great. That narrows down our hunt,” JJ says under-breath.

“So broody,” John B teases.

“Yeah. I refuse to believe the cross is bothering you this much,” Kiara says.

“Why’s everyone on my back all of a sudden?” JJ snaps, looking to his friends. “Like, can we all just back off for now, alright? I’ve got a lot on my mind.”

John B holds his hands up as if he’s surrendering. “Easy, JayJ.”

“We’ve woken the beast,” Pope mumbles, making the other two laugh.

JJ rolls his eyes. He lays back on the hammock and folds his arms under his head. The weed and the liquor haven’t made him loosen up. His eyes trace the clouds in the sky above, through the canopy of the tree. Somewhere in his daydreams and thoughts, as the rest of the Pogues chatter, he ends up closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep.

When JJ comes to, it’s with a start. It seems to startle Kie, too, who’s sat on the grass, lazily thrumming her ukulele.

“You good?”

He sits up slowly. Rubbing his face, JJ retrieves his cap. “How long was I out for?”

“Three hours.”

JJ is suddenly awake, any drowsiness gone in a second.

“What?”

Kiara shrugs and keeps plucking out the easily melody she’s invented.

“We tried to wake you up but you just shrugged us off, so we thought it was better if we just let you sleep. Seemed like you needed it.”

JJ only half hears her. His mind is still reeling from the reality that he was asleep for three hours.

“Wait, what time is it?”

He retrieves his phone from his short’s pocket. Pressing the power button, JJ cusses when he realises it’s dead.

“What’s the big deal?” Kie mutters, watching him get to his feet in a hurry.

“What fucking time is it?” he sharply returns. He’s lacing up his boots again.

She mumbles a less than needed comment under breath but pulls out her phone nonetheless, glancing at the screen.

“Almost nine.”

No.

No, no, no.

It must be written on his face, the soul-crushing, body numbing horror overcoming JJ. The kind of dread one gets when they remember on some idle Thursday a piece of paperwork they needed to do the previous day, though only worse. A million times worse. Kiara frowns up at him in concern.

“What is it?”

“It’s nothing,” JJ mumbles darkly.

He yanks his cap off and paces the garden. He can’t call you – his phone’s dead. Would you even answer anyway? Will you still be at the beach? Should he go? No, of course, he should go. He has to go.  

“JJ, it’s clearly not ‘nothing’.”

“It’s none of your goddamn business, Kie, alright?” he snaps.

JJ doesn’t have time to feel guilty for snapping at his friend. He has to see you. He has to make this right. The sand is falling through his fingers now, the gaps between digits nothing more than gaping caverns.

JJ pulls back on his cap and heads straight for his bike. He kicks off the stand and starts the engine in a hurry. Then he’s hurling towards the beach-spot; secluded and quiet and serene - everything JJ feels as though he’s not. He practically dumps his bike in the process of rushing to see you, racing down the familiar track to the dunes. He’s panting, panic deep in his chest, a hand coming up to rub at his heart as if worried it might beat out his body. He looks up and down the beach, searching for any sign of you, and then his eyes fixate on something. He runs over, ducking down to see it’s your cardigan.

“Fuck,” JJ mumbles.

He looks out to the water. It’s sunset. Reflects on the water, shimmers on the sand.

“Fuck.”

JJ tightens his grip on your cardigan like it’s a part of you and heads to the house without thinking. He needs to find you and make this right. The stairs creak under foot as he hurries up them, onto the porch and inside the house. Ditching the cardigan on the kitchen table, he makes a b-line for your bedroom. The door’s shut. Rapping twice on the wood, quick and short, impatient, JJ leans against the doorframe. Calls out your name.

“I know you’re home, okay? Look, can we just talk?”

Knocks again, louder. Tries the handle. Locked. He repeats your name, calling out to you, tone desperate.

“I just wanna talk, alright!? Please! I know I messed up but just hear me out and—”

The door swings open. He’s breathing heavy, trying uselessly to alleviate his anxiety, and looks down to meet your gaze. His stomach constricts like a boa snake. You’re crying. Shoulders hung like you’ve lost a battle and body sagging like you’re exhausted.

“I…”

JJ’s words die on his tongue. An apology seems so minuscule now. It’s like trying to put out a dumpster fire with a glass of water.

“I lost track of time.”

You scoff. Shake your head, breaking his gaze.

“You lost track of time,” you repeat, under breath, voice unfamiliar.

“I did and…I know I messed up, okay? I’m sorry I just…I forgot and--”

“You forgot? You forgot, huh?”

You’re looking up at him now but your eyes are narrowed. The pain has morphed into anger. Lips are downturned into a disapproving frown.

“Did you think that’s how I wanted to spend my birthday, JJ?”

“I know, but I—”

“No,” you interrupt, holding up a hand. The tears are still falling and each one feels like a pinprick to JJ’s chest. “I’m talking now.”

JJ swallows thickly.

“Did you think that I wanted to spend my eighteenth birthday on the beach having a picnic? I mean, did you think I didn’t have better offers? That my friends didn’t want to throw me a party, and that I didn’t want to get drunk and celebrate with the people in my life that care about me? No! I wanted to go for a picnic because I wanted to spend my birthday with you. And you don’t even show up! You don’t call me, you don’t text! You just leave me, sitting there, like a fucking idiot, on my own. And do you know the worst part, JJ?”

He can feel his own lips quivering. Purses them together to fight back the tears. He can feel the tapestry ripping.

You hold his gaze as your lips form a demented smile. A solemn laugh accompanies your confession. “The worst part is, I wasn’t even surprised when you didn’t show up. In fact, I had a feeling that it would happen.”

“Don’t say that,” JJ whispers.

“‘Don’t say that?’ What? Say that you treat me like shit?”

“I don’t treat you like shit,” JJ argues back. Because he doesn’t, does he?

“You don’t—JJ! What can’t you see here?” you snap at him, gesturing around you. “You’ve been losing me for a long time and you’ve just let it fucking happen! It’s like you knew you were on thin ice and you just kept on jumping! I mean, did you want us to fail? Was it easier than just breaking up with me?”

“Why would I want us to fail!?” JJ shouts back.

You turn around and retreat into your bedroom, shaking your head. JJ finds himself following.

“Answer me!”

“I don’t have to answer you, JJ!” you scream at him, spinning around. “I mean, how else am I supposed to interpret this whole situation!?”

“I love you, alright? Isn’t that enough for you?” JJ yells. His tone is angry but his face is crumbling.

You shake your head. Wrap your arms around yourself like a hug. “No! It isn’t! It can’t be, okay? I told you before: I don’t want to be a secret forever, JJ.”

“You’re not a secret—”

“Then tell me why I can’t meet your friends? Why you can’t meet my brother? I know I don’t come from the best home, JJ, and I know my family is a mess and I’m probably gonna end up in an early grave like the rest of them—”

“-Don’t say that—”

“And I know I’m not the kind of thing that people want to show off but…” You catch your breath through your sobs. Steel yourself. “But I’m a good person, JJ. I know I’m a good person, and I deserve good things, and I deserve someone who makes me feel good.”

“I can,” JJ pleads. He clears the space between you. Grabs for your hands. Feels the ground break beneath him when you fight out of his grip. “I can make you feel good.”

“You don’t, though,” you cry. “I don’t feel good, JJ. I feel fucking used.”

No.

No, no…It’s falling apart and JJ can’t lose you. He can’t…This can’t end like this. He feels like he’s a kid again, begging for his mom not to walk out, begging for forgiveness from his dad. It’s screamingly familiar. He can’t lose another thing. He can’t lose you. Wasn’t that what all this was for? The lying and the secrets was all some desperate attempt to keep you. JJ had to keep you.

JJ pants, stood before you, feeling more vulnerable than he ever has before, even more so than when he’s laid bare in front of you. You’re still crying and it’s because of him, and that hurts worse than any punch JJ’s ever had thrown at him.

“Tell me how to fix this,” JJ begs.

You shake your head.

“Tell me how to fix this,” he repeats, demanding it. “I need to fix this!”

You lift your head slowly to meet his gaze. He knows he looks desperate. Sounds it, too. But he doesn’t care. Hell, he is. He needs you in his life. With everything else that has been going on, you’re the one ray of sun, always warming his soul. His smile and his shine. JJ doesn’t know joy without you. Doesn’t know love or pleasure or trust, like he does with you. His daydreams of the future are falling apart in this moment. No dress and no house and no family. Nothing. Just him and a bottle and his wasted heart.

“Let me meet your friends,” you manage out. “I meet your friends, and you meet my brother and meet my friends, and we go on dates together like normal people, and we don’t keep this a secret. And you show up to my birthdays and you’re not late to our dates and you stay overnight and…And I get to have you. All of you. Just…Just do that and we can try and make this work, JJ.”

JJ starts crying. He’s sobbing, stood before you, because he knows that this is over now. It’s over.

You nod. It seems his tears are answer enough.

“You can’t,” you whisper. You say it, as though something has just become clear to you. Shaking your head, taking a step away from him, the distance is already gaping. You cry. “Even when you know you’re going to lose me. Your reputation is still more important to you than I am.”

“That’s not it,” he argues, wiping at his face. “That’s not what it is.”

“I don’t care, JJ,” you confess in a breath. Wipe furiously at your cheeks and stare up at the ceiling. “I don’t have the energy to care, anymore.”

JJ hadn’t experienced heartbreak before. The songs and the films lied about it, though. They play it down. It’s torturous. Slow and cavernous and insurmountably painful. He clutches at his t-shirt, over his chest, as if thinking he could make the pain stop. He wants all of this to stop. And with the next words you utter, he feels as if it does. He feels as if his whole world stops.

“We’re done, JJ.”

 ~*~*~*~*~*

Since the break-up, JJ feels as though he’s sailing through a storm-ridden sea without a compass or guide. No direction and no sign of freedom from the turmoil. He’s drowned his sorrows and anxieties with drugs. Booze for the tears and cannabis for the regret. Numbs the anger with nicotine and waits until he’s exhausted to drop to sleep for fear of dreaming about you, in any capacity. He can’t decide which dreams are worse: the ones where you’re mad at him and crying, or the one’s where you’re happy and laughing over a scrabble board. All of them feel like nightmares.

The group must’ve sensed a difference in him, but if they have, they don’t bother to mention it. JJ’s grateful. It’s not like he could talk about it anyway.

“Wake up, JayJ,” Kiara says. She kicks at his feet.

“Quit it,” JJ mumbles into the pillow.

“Come on. We’re going on a walk.”

“Have fun,” JJ sighs. He’s been awake for about five minutes and can already feel the craving for another beer starting up.

Kiara keeps kicking at his feet. It’s starting to tick him off.

“I mean me and you are going for a walk. Now get up,” Kie tells him.

“I don’t feel like walking, Kie,” JJ says impatiently.

“I don’t care, bro. I’m sick of seeing you wallow in the chateau. We could find the island room at any moment and we don’t need you like this when we do.”

He knows that’s not the truth. JJ knows his friends care about him (as hard as it is to fathom sometimes) and he knows that the way he’s acting must be of concern. Especially because they don’t know why. Who would suspect a break-up for a guy who’s been nothing but single his whole life?

But JJ doesn’t feel like pity. He doesn’t feel like talking or spending time with anyone else but a bottle of corona. His plans to fall back to sleep and ignore Kiara’s demands are thrown out the window, however, when she dunks a pint of cold water on his back. JJ cusses out, shooting up, feeling his head pound at the motion. Still a little drunk.

“What the hell Kiara!”

“Rise and shine,” she smiles in faux sweetness. She ditches the glass on countertop and heads out the front door, onto the porch. “You got five minutes, princess.”

“Fuck off,” JJ mutters under breath.

Clearly, Kie’s not going to lay off anytime soon. If he goes on this walk, even for five minutes, maybe JJ can be left in peace for the rest of the day to drink himself stupid. Besides, it would work as a nice distraction from falling into thoughts of you and checking his phone every five minutes in case you decided to text him. With that motivation, JJ tugs on a muscle tee and ties up the laces on his boots. Kiara holds out a joint in an act of peace when he steps onto the porch. It works in moving her back into his good books.

“Come on, man. Let’s go into the marsh,” Kiara says, standing up.

JJ walks by her side, smoking the blunt, passing it to her now and then. The sounds of the world somewhat mellow out when they pass the threshold into the marsh. Trees and shrubberies and bushes surrounding them. Their feet follow a path made purely from being trodden so many times. JJ kicks at a nettle plant as they pass. He’s taken to trying to distinguish the different birds around them purely from their calls.

“I know, by the way,” Kiara says, breaking their silence.

JJ looks at her. “Huh?”

“I know. About Barry’s sister,” she tells him.

JJ’s stomach drops. He’s surprised he doesn’t lose his footing. Clearing his throat, looking ahead again, he shrugs.

“What are you talking about?”

“It was kinda obvious, JayJ.”

JJ clenches his eyes shut. “Kie…I really don’t wanna talk about this, alright?”

“I had a feeling about it at the bonfire,” she says, ignoring him. “I mean, I knew you were into someone that day at the chateau, but I didn’t know who. And then you were jumping to her defence for like no reason. The real clue was when you went into the woods literally right after she did. Like, seriously, bro? Subtle much?”

“Did you not hear what I said, Kiara? I don’t wanna talk about it,” JJ hisses.

Kiara continues, nonetheless. “Then at the docks, you were defending her again. That wasn’t the giveaway though. The giveaway was the fact that she was wearing your tee-shirt, bro. That just sealed the deal for me.”

“Congratulations, alright? You solved the mystery. Now can you please just let it go,” JJ sharply tells her. He takes another hit of the bud, hoping it’ll help to calm him down.

“I just don’t understand why you didn’t tell us,” Kie says.

“Kiara-”

“I mean, I get wanting to keep it on the downlow maybe, but we’d have been cool with it,” Kiara tells him.

“I don’t wanna—”

“I haven’t told the others yet but—”

“Just shut up, alright!? Shut up!” JJ snaps.

His patience snaps like the fraying rope of a river swing. Plummets him into anger and drenches him in regret.

“What the hell, JJ? I’m saying that we support you, alright?”

“It doesn’t fucking matter, Kiara,” JJ shouts. He tugs off his cap and wrings it angrily in his hands. “None of it fucking matters!”

It seems as if he’s yelling at her, but he isn’t. Not actually. He’s mad at himself. Furious at managing to muck up one of the only good things in his life. JJ meets Kie’s gaze dead on.

“She left me, alright? It’s over. So, it doesn’t matter anymore, okay? So just drop it.”

Saying it out loud feels as though JJ’s shoving his nails into an open gash.

He collapses onto a fallen tree trunk, dropping his cap and hanging his head into his hands. When he rakes his fingers through his hair in frustration, it isn’t sweet like when you do it, and it only makes him miss you more.

JJ hears Kiara sigh. She sits down next to him and he watches her in his peripheral a moment.

“Is this why you’ve been acting the way you have?”

JJ doesn’t reply. He only sighs deeply into the clamminess of his palms. It seems to work as an answer in and of itself.

“Shit, JJ.”

“Don’t pity me.”

“Too late.”

He sighs again. Slowly, he lifts his head out his hands, keeping his fingers pressed near his lips as if in silent prayer.

“Can I ask how?”

“How what?”

“How it all ended,” she clarifies.

JJ glances to her. Kiara’s eyes are soft with sympathy. JJ shrugs as if he doesn’t know. As if it’s a mystery why you up and left, when the clues are as a clear as a confession note.

“I fucked it up. That’s how.”

“I feel like that’s not the whole truth, JayJ.”

“But it’s the point, okay? I fucked it up, like I fuck up everything, like I knew I would. It was a fucking pipe dream anyway.”

“I don’t understand,” Kiara mumbles.

Leaning down, she retrieves his cap and dusts it off. It stings just to look at it. It’s the same one you stole from him during one of your usual scrabble-offs. You always beat him. Always.

 “Can you just tell me what happened?”

“Why?” JJ sighs tiredly.

“So I can understand why you didn’t trust us enough to tell us,” she replies. JJ hates the momentary hurt that swipes across her features. “Pogues don’t keep secrets from Pogues.”

JJ shakes his head smally, like a boy in confessional. “It wasn’t because of you guys.”

“Then…Why?”

“It’s because of me,” JJ admits.

“JJ. Self-blame isn’t going to work—”

“No, Kiara. I actually mean it this time, alright? It’s because of me,” JJ doubles-down, holding her gaze. It’s suddenly exhausting to try and keep a lid on his emotions. “She didn’t want to keep it a secret, okay? She wanted to meet you guys, and for me to meet her friends and stuff. And it wasn’t that I didn’t want to. She’d get along great with you lot. I mean, she’s as damn smart as Pope and funny as hell. And she’s kind. Like actually kind, but not in a boring way, or in a push-over way. Just in a pure perfect kinda way. When she looks at me…God, this is going to sound corny as hell, but she makes me feel like I’m a good person. Like I can’t do anything wrong in her eyes. Least, she used to.”

A consoling hand is placed on his shoulder. It spurs him on.

“In all honesty, it started out as a secret because I didn’t think it’d last longer than a month. But then I started to fall for her, so hard and so fucking fast, and it scared the shit out of me. And I knew that if I wanted to keep her around, then she couldn’t ever find out about what I did to Barry.”

Kiara frowns as he says that, as if trying to follow. “Wait. Do you mean with the money and stuff?”

JJ nods, pursing his lips.

She shakes her head with a deep sigh. “JJ. That shit was so long ago—”

“It doesn’t matter. I still did it, alright? Barry’s all she’s got in terms of family and I stole from him. And not just a little bit. A lot. So if she ever found out; she’d leave me.”

Kie holds his gaze. “‘She’d leave you’? How do you know that?”

“I just do, okay?”

“No, JayJ, you don’t,” Kie tells him. “I mean, if she’s as good a person as you say she is, then how do you know she wouldn’t look past it? I’m sure she’s not blind to the fact that you do stupid shit, bro. Or that her brother isn’t the nicest of guys. He had a gun to our head, man.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter anymore, does it? Cause I lost her anyway,” JJ returns, perhaps a little sharply.

Out of guilt, JJ looks away from his friend’s eyes. He rubs at his face, perhaps in an attempt to distract himself from this pitiful conversation. JJ could do with a shower and a shave. Didn’t seem all that important in the last week, though.

“Can I say something?”

“I have a feeling that you’re going to anyway,” JJ mutters.

“Is there a chance that you were using the thing with Barry as an excuse?”

JJ face darkens into a deep frown. Looking to her, he asks, “what?”

“I mean…I don’t think it’s exactly a secret that you aren’t good at accepting love.”

“Gee, thanks, Kie.”

“Just, hear me out,” she says, stopping him before he can go off in a huff. JJ does so reluctantly. “Telling her about Barry means that she sees you for your good and your bad, and keeping it from her, and from us, and from everyone really, means that it doesn’t actually become real.”

“I’m not following,” JJ mumbles.

“Lemme put it another way then,” she replies, rolling her eyes. “Maybe – on some level – by keeping it a secret, you felt like you couldn’t really lose her if things turned out bad.”

JJ frowns again, though this time, it isn’t out of offence. Instead, it teeters on the line of confusion and understanding.

Kiara doesn’t expand more. Just lets him sit with it for a moment. JJ looks down at his feet, skimming at the overgrown plants.

Was that it? Was the thing with Barry – JJ’s big motivation to keep your relationship a secret – mostly an excuse?

He didn’t want Barry to find out because he’d definitely beat JJ’s ass again and hound on him for getting with his sister, and you probably would be crushed to know he stole from your brother, but…But then what? Then things would surely move on. He’d either have you or lose you, but it’d be reality. By keeping things secret, it was as if JJ was only playing half his hand. That maybe the stakes would be somehow smaller if he didn’t have you completely, because then he wouldn’t lose you completely either. Ironic, how wrong that was. How it didn’t matter in the end.

JJ had taken beatings before. He could stomach another from Barry if it meant he got to have you in his life. He knows that now. In fact, having you leave him hurt worse than any right-hook Barry could send his way. Being down in the dirt wouldn’t matter all that much if you were there to pull him out and dust him off. It wouldn’t matter if you were just there.

Looking to Kiara, JJ swallows his pride. “I don’t know how to fix it, Kiara. I…I don’t know if I can.”

She sighs and nods in thought.

“Tell me what the last straw was.”

“The last straw?”

“The thing that made it all end, for good,” Kie says.

JJ purses his lips. The shame comes slow and simmering when he replies. “I stood her up. On her birthday. Her eighteenth birthday.”

“Ouch,” Kie eventually whispers.

JJ nods, looking down at the ground. “Yep. ‘Ouch’.”

“Okay, you know what you gotta do then,” she sighs, hopping to her feet. JJ looks up and takes her in.

“What?”

“You gotta go all out.”

“Excuse me?”

“You gotta swallow your pride and pull a romantic gesture.”

JJ doesn’t have it in him to burst into fits of laughter. Instead, he stares at Kiara as if she’s sprouted an extra head. All he can do is repeat himself.

“Excuse me?”

“We’re righting your wrongs and throwing her a birthday gesture, and you’re going to do some serious sucking up and swoon the shit out of this girl,” Kiara instructs. She holds out his cap for him.

JJ eyes it as if it might be laced with chloroform. “She’s really not the romantic gesture type, man.”

“Every girl is, deep down. Sides. Not like you have anything much to lose now.”

His eyes dart back up to Kie’s. She’s not wrong.

With that numbing thought, JJ grabs his cap back, shoves it on, and jumps onto his feet. “Fine. Fuck it.”

“Atta boy.”

~*~*~*~*~*

It was nice to realise that JJ’s week in purgatory hadn’t impaired his planning capabilities. Once he’d finished confessing to the rest of the Pogues about his nearly year-long secret relationship with Barry’s sister (and taken the brunt of the onslaught of questions, teasing and berating), they were more than willing to help out their friend.

JJ took advantage of your trustworthiness and willingness to help others to lure you out, with Kiara as bait. She’d go to your trailer, sneak to your bedroom window (which JJ identified in his incredible, Louvre-worthy drawing) and lure you out to ‘help with her faulty car motor’. JJ knew Barry was out collecting until later that day, so it was fairly safe to send Kie out there. She was more than willing to do it anyway. In the meantime, John B and Pope helped JJ set up some romantic gesture per Kie’s instruction. He felt like an idiot as he did it. This wasn’t your style or his, but he was throwing the hail Mary now. In for a penny, in for a pound.

I.E. Fuck it.

But now that everything is set up, JJ feels like he might throw-up with nerves. He’s already ran his vape dry and it feels like the nicotine has hardly touched him. Sat on the jetty, illuminated by a myriad of candles which are definitely a huge fire risk, JJ meddles with his lighter anxiously as he waits for Kie to come back with you on the boat. The water laps at the rotting podiums, holding him up. He sighs and listens to the sounds of nightlife, as the clock nears midnight. Whenever he closes his eyes, he sees your tear-soaked face, the moment before you broke up with him. JJ doesn’t close his eyes.

The symphony of nature is broken apart by the hum of a motorboat. He glances to the sound to see Kiara stood behind the wheel. You’re sat in the back, legs crossed; face the look of scepticism. It morphs into daylight-clear betrayal when you spot JJ.

“Wait. What the…”

JJ shakily exhales and gets to his feet. He’s not used to feeling this nervous around you. Kiara slows the motor to a stop at the jetty, but you don’t move.

“You said you needed help with your motor,” you say to Kiara.

She smiles apologetically. “Well, JJ said you were pretty trusting.”

“I don’t want to see you,” you say to JJ now.

JJ nods. Instinctively he shoves his hands in his pockets, letting his nails anxiously dig into the flesh of his palms. “I know. I know you don’t but I can’t let you have a shit birthday, no matter how things go between us.”

It seems with that; you take in the sights of the jetty. The candles placed around the peeling-paint wood. Two pillows to save you both from splinters. Between them sits a scrabble board, already set up. You gnaw at your lower lip. There’s the smallest movement of your head as you try to shake it.

“Just…Just give me this, and then you don’t have to talk to me ever again, if you don’t wanna. Okay?” JJ sighs.

He extends out a hand for you. His heart thrums with anxiety as he waits for your reaction.

Your eyes move up to his. You regard him a moment. Then, with a sigh, you’re getting to your feet and taking his hand, letting him help you onto the jetty. Kiara flashes JJ a small, reassuring smile, and then she’s making off into the night.

“This might be the corniest thing you’ve ever done, by the way,” you mumble.

You remove your hand from his and stand defensively on the edge of the wood, making him a little nervous that you might fall in.

“I know,” JJ chuckles uneasily, glancing down to the set-up. “Don’t bust my balls yet though, alright?”

He sits down on one of the pillows. Nods for you to take the other spot. After a moment’s consideration, you do. You bring your cargo-covered legs near to your chest as if closing yourself off from him. He watches as your eyes dart down to the scrabble board, void of letters, and then down to your selection.

“What is this?”

“One last game.”

“JJ…”

“Just one,” he almost pleads. The two of you look at one another. Sighing, he shrugs. “I can’t let our last conversation end the way it did.”

“I don’t feel like scrabble,” you say.

JJ nods and looks down to pick at his fingernails. This was such a dumb idea. Why the hell did he let Kiara talk him into this? John B and Pope are probably watching from the chateau, placing bets on how long it takes for you to leave him there, sniggering at his uselessness.

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t wanna do this, JJ,” you tell him, glancing out to the water.

“Just please let me get this out,” JJ says. “Then I can get John B to drive you home, if you want. Or Kiara can come back with the boat. Whatever you prefer.”

You swallow. “John B knows I’m here?”

“Yeah,” JJ nods. “They all do. They all know.”

“Know what, exactly?”

“That I’m a fucking idiot, for starters,” JJ tells you. “And that I was dumb enough to lose you.”

“The pity parade isn’t going to win you points, JJ,” you say.

JJ shakes his head. “I’m not trying to win anything.”

“So this isn’t a ploy to try and win me back? Shame. You had me going for a second.”

“I’m a fucking idiot.”

“So you’ve said.”

“I am,” he affirms. It makes you chuckle quietly. He can’t tell if the humour is genuine. “This whole time, I was telling myself we had to stay as a secret because of something I did, but I was bullshitting myself. I just…Well, I think a part of me just wanted you to myself, and none of the pressures of everyone else, but I think another part of me didn’t want to risk losing you.”

You frown.

“Yeah, dumb, I know, cause I did anyway,” JJ mutters. Makes your smile halfway return. “But then you thought that it was because of you, for some reason. That it’s because of who you are. That’s not it. That was never it. It’s just…It’s hard to explain…”

“You don’t have to explain it, then,” you say. JJ closes his eyes at the sound of your voice, sweet with understanding. “But you do have to explain this thing you did. The thing that made you want to keep us a secret.”

JJ shakes his head and purses his lips. “You’re gonna hate me.”

“I don’t hate anyone,” you tell him.

Shakily exhaling, JJ looks out to the water. He steadies himself like a first-time surfer, then looks to you. You’re watching him expectantly, waiting.

“I have a past with doing stupid things. I mean, I think you know that but…I can do really stupid things sometimes. I don’t think ten steps ahead and I make bad choices and I can’t be talked down from them. And it makes messes. I’m not proud of it, I need you to know that.”

You nod.

JJ sighs. “Do you remember when I told you about the gold?”

You nod once more.

“Well, we tried to pawn some of it off one time. We got sent out into the middle of nowhere on a fake-out and this guy stops us and robs us all at gunpoint.”

“Wait, what?”  

JJ swallows and nods. “Somehow we got the upper hand and it turns out to be Barry. I recognised him as my dad’s dealer, you know?”

You’re shaking your head. “He wouldn’t…Why would he do that? He wouldn’t do that…”

“I got angry, like a fucking idiot,” JJ sighs, dragging his fingers through his hair as he hangs his head a moment. “So I take the wheel and take us to his house and…And I rob him. Twenty-thousand.”

There’s no reply for a while. Merely the lapping of the water and the faint crackle of the candle’s wicker as it burns.

“You robbed him?”

“Eye for an eye, you know?” JJ mumbles, no conviction to his words.

“Why…Why didn’t you tell me this?” you can’t help but ask.

JJ swallows thickly. He shrugs as he raises his head to look at you.

“I don’t know. I guess because I wasn’t sure if you’d tell Barry, or if you’d leave me, maybe? Or maybe I just…You always do the right thing and you have this way of looking at me like I’m this good person. I didn’t want that to go away.”

Your expression is stoic. He can’t quite read the emotions on your face, as each seems to come and go so quickly as you process JJ’s big confession. It’s like trying to understand a story from a torn-up foreign book.

In the silence of your deliberation, JJ feels himself shrug again. He meddles his fingers together, gazing down at them; his forearms resting atop of his knees, legs brought up to his chest similar to your own.

“I’m not a good person. I do bad things and I make bad choices and I suck at doing the right thing.”

“Stop it, JJ.”

He looks up to you with that. You’re shaking your head.

“There are no good people and bad people, so don’t start falling into some self-destructive spiel thinking it’s going to make me feel better about any of this,” you tell him.

JJ nods. “You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“I just…Why would Barry…I don’t understand,” you sigh. You clasp your hands over your face.

In that moment, JJ’s nearly certain he’s lost you for good. He half wants to gloat to Kiara that he was right; that you saw the real him and didn’t like it. But it isn’t a nice feeling. JJ hangs his head and prepares himself for the final blow. He’s already planning his request for John B to drive you back home. Debating if he’ll try and kiss you goodbye. Wonders which alcohol to wash it all down with.

“I’m sorry he did that to you, JJ.”

JJ’s head nearly flies off his head with how quickly it darts back up.

“What?”

“He told me he doesn’t do shit like that anymore,” you’re saying. JJ’s taken to watching your mouth, like he’s having trouble following your words in the silence of the night. “I told him I didn’t want him doing shit like that anymore. He lied to me.”

“I don’t understand,” JJ manages out.

You shake your head. “I’m not mad at you, for robbing him. People make bad choices, JJ, but that doesn’t make them bad people. The same way he went after you guys first. The same way I jumped to conclusions about why you wanted to keep this a secret.”

“How is that a bad choice?” JJ frowns. “I didn’t give you any better explanation for why. I was just so fucking scared that I’d lose you if you knew the truth.”

“Because I knew you weren’t the type of dumbass who gives a shit about family and reputation and appearances, but I still let my own fucking insecurities lead me to think that it was because of me. That you didn’t want to be seen with me because of my family, and all of their shitty choices. Including the gunpoint bullshit thing he pulled on you and your friends.”

JJ shakes his head. He instinctively reaches a hand out to you, grabbing at your trainer clad shoes and squeezing.

“I know more than anyone that people are more than their dumbass families.”

You chuckle solemnly at that. Moving your hand, you lay it atop of his and you don’t pull away when he flips his, palm up, and intertwines your fingers. It feels like you’re mending all his gashes from that single touch alone.

“I know you have every reason to say no to me here,” JJ begins. “I mean, I’ve been nothing short of a dumbass and…Well, I’m kinda beating around the bush here, but…”

You quirk a brow. There’s that smile he loves. Teasing and playful and perfect. You’re so fucking perfect.

“But here’s a crazy idea. How about we date, like normal people, and I don’t forget your birthdays, and I’m not late for our dates, and I sleep over at night. And you meet my friends, and I meet yours, and maybe I steer a bit clear of your brother still. Just to be safe.”

“Just so you can keep your balls.”

“Ideally, yeah.”

You both laugh at that. Both somewhat tearful.

You squeeze his hand.

“Well, if your friends know about us, we can just crash at the chateau more, I guess,” you say, voice reserved still, as if he might laugh in your face.

JJ doesn’t though. He smiles wider. Nods. “Now there’s an idea.”

“I think I’d be cool with that, then,” you half-whisper.

JJ smiles at you like you’re the sun and he’s the moon, and he’d spend forever in your orbit if you’d only let him. You might just.

Leaning forward, he kisses you, sweet and tender. You don’t let him pull back; moving to slide a hand around his neck, another slipping along his jaw like a priest’s gentle touch during baptism. This close, he can smell your perfume: rose and bergamot. And this; this is what living is for.

“I love you,” JJ confesses, the moment your lips break apart.

You laugh smally; your cherubic voice easing the cacophony of thoughts that had been plaguing JJ for the past month or so.

“I love you too, you idiot,” you return. Swiping your thumb over his cheek, smiling wider as he leans shamelessly into your touch, you add, “just stop doing stupid things, please.”

“Darling, there’s no way I can promise you that,” JJ returns.

He cuts off your wonderful laughter with a grinning kiss. He doesn’t care if his friends can see. If they’re making fun of him for how much he’s at your mercy. Afterall, JJ is in love with you. It’s not like it’s a secret or anything.

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