#jisoo angst

[miabebe]

Where you're convenient (I)

Scenario - Yes it was circumstances that forced these arrangements but why was it that at the breaking point of this relationship, all you want to do is hold on to it? 

Pairing - Husband! Joshua × reader

Word Count - 6.5K (These are getting ridiculously long now, apologies)

Warnings - Fingering, protected sex, oral (male recieving), cum swallowing

A/n -  This was supposed to have all 3 stories but clearly I went overboard with just 1. There other 2 will be released as part 2 (Dk) and 3(Woozi)!

When Joshua brought a girl home tonight, he wasn't expecting you to be there. When their tongues clashed in a frenzy as she clambered into his lap on the couch, he wasn't expecting to hear your soft sobs from the kitchen. And when she began stripping out of her little black dress, he definitely wasn't expecting you to walk out, dressed in just his shirt, with a tub of ice cream in your hand.

The situation concluded with 3 sets of screaming - first was yours in utter surprise, next was the other woman's in anger and the third was his own, in pain. I mean, what else was he expecting the reaction to be when he introduced you as his wife. Of course the other woman went ballistic and threw whatever was in her arms reach straight at him. Thank god the whole ordeal finished in about 15 minutes with minimal damage.

When Joshua turned to you however, your tear stained cheeks were flushed red. As he crossed his arms and raised an eyebrow, unable to hold it in anymore, you burst out laughing. Even if it was at the expense of his embarrassment, at least you weren't crying anymore and for Joshua, that was a win.

As he picked up the scattered things around the house, he watched the smile slowly fade off your face. Not wanting to see you slip back into your misery, Joshua decided to drag you into his own with a recount of what actually happened today. He was supposed to go on a date, to meet a friend of a friend who had expressed her interest in him for a long time now, despite knowing the unusual arrangement between you two. He had finally decided to put behind his series of meaningless hook ups and give serious dating a shot, so he dressed up, chose a restaurant, set a time and was waiting for her at the bar.

But apparently, though he was willing to leave behind his philandering days, they weren't willing to let him go. Barely minutes after he got there, he was approached by another woman (aka the one who just nearly took his head off) and she began asking him a few questions. Now, maybe Joshua should have answered her briefly sent her on her way, or atleast told her the seat next to him was reserved for someone, or at most, removed her hand from his thigh a fraction of a second earlier, so his sweet date of the night would not have walked into the restaurant to see another woman cozying up to him.

And that was the end of his date before it even started - no matter how much he tried, she wouldn't pick his calls or even answer his texts. Giving up on his original plan of the night, Joshua had decided to go home when the lady before him offered just the same - a dinner and a conversation. Honestly, Joshua didn't see the harm - either ways he had to eat and the woman before him seemed capable of a decent discussion.

That was until she decided to let her actions do the talking instead, her foot slowly running up and down his legs, the neckline of her dress somehow slipping lower and lower, and her doe like eyes slowly morphing into sirens. When she excused herself to the bathroom, with a not so subtle follow me gesture, Joshua panicked and pulled her out of the restaurant instead, straight into his car. Cardinal mistake number two - maybe at that point, since it was evident they were headed to his house, he should have told her about you, but there was not a lot much talking he could do, even though it was not his mouth that was busy-

At this point, you covered your ears, loudly refusing to hear any further, as you walked back into the kitchen, missing the amused smile on Joshua's face. He leaned against the entrance, watching you scouring the cupboards for something, his guess was chocolate syrup because you liked pouring it all over your ice cream, especially if it was vanilla. That must mean the pint of strawberry is over beacuse there was no way you'd pick vanilla if the strawberry was right there. Joshua made a mental note to buy another pint the next time he went to the supermart.

As he predicted, he watched you drizzle the chocolate excessively and throw in a bunch of m&ms too. Okay, things were definitely a lot worse than they seemed. When you finally sat, sliding yourself onto the kitchen island, Joshua asked you what you're doing at home. You confessed your date stood you up. You had been talking to this guy for almost a month now and you really did like him - enough to be excited for the date, to buy a new dress, spend hours getting ready, only for him to not turn up to pick you up.

Joshua shook his head annoyed, just as a fat tear dropped down your cheek. You looked so much like the first time he saw you and that was almost a year ago. A year, 3 months and 14 days to be precise, when he found sitting outside the lawyers office, eyes filled with tears, head hung low, sobs echoing in the silence.

Being the gentleman he was, he handed you a packet of tissues and asked if you were okay. You seemed guarded initially, nodding your head at first, then slowly shaking it. You were new to the city - a runaway from home because your family didn't approve of your relationship with your long distance boyfriend. After months of planning, you found a great job here, waited for the perfect moment to escape home, flew across the seven seas only to find your skunk of a boyfriend cheating on you. Now neither could you go back to the home you left behind, nor could you stay in this country without a visa, which you were supposed to acquire after marrying him.

Though Joshua hated his job, he knew that being in human resources and dealing with employment contacts day in and day out, he could perhaps help you get a work visa instead. Maybe if he did you this favour, the universe would do him one too and God knew he badly needed one, so he offered to take you out for lunch, promising to go through your contract and see what he could do. Sadly, as lunch progressed it became more and more evident that there was nothing he or you could do. The clauses clearly stated that the job was only for a long term resident or a citizen since the company was at it's limit to sponsor a work permit.

He watched as your face fell, and you spoke about how much you loved that job and how this was your dream. Sympathising, Joshua told you how he too was so close to losing his dream. He always wanted to quit his pathetic corporate job and start his own business but despite having the most excellent ideas and strategies, he never managed to accumulate the necessary capital.

When his grandfather passed away recently and left him an inheritance, he thought maybe he had finally gotten a way out but apparently there was a roadblock even there. The will clearly stated that he was only eligible to receive his share a whole year after his legal and certified marriage - one last ploy by his grandfather to make sure his only grandson got married and continued the family lineage.

Laughing, you noted it was funny how on a random Tuesday, two people who desperately needed to be married ended up meeting over a pair of tissues and a lunch, like the universe had played a brilliant cosmic joke.

No sooner than the words had been spoken, the both of you shared a very obvious look of realisation. This wasn't a joke, it was a solution, right there, clear as day.

It took about 5 minutes of silence, 50 different emotions and 500 various possibilities running in both heads before Joshua finally spoke up, leading to the fastest known proposal in the history of mankind. And surprisingly, and thankfully, an even faster acceptance. Joshua wasn't sure why you trusted him enough to say yes or even why he trusted you enough to ask but I guess that's just how desperation works.

Within a week, standing outside a courthouse, the two of you got married and by that evening you were moving into his house. While you needed to be married for just a few weeks to get through all the visa formalities, Joshua needed you to be his wife for a whole year so you asked for something else in exchange - to be his roommate, free of rent, for as long as he needed you to be married to him. Though Joshua thoroughly hated the idea of sharing his space with someone, a stranger moreover, he agreed if it meant he could get his hands on that money.

Living with you wasn't really that hard. You were at work for much longer hours than him and even if you were at home, you mostly kept to your room. You were neat when you used common spaces, chipped in for groceries and utilities and were agreeable for the most part. Of course there were some habits of yours that did bothered him, like the 500 alarms you kept to wake up every morning, the fact that you never washed your coffee cup and that for some reason, you never put your shoes on the shoe rack.

Eventually, with time, Joshua got used to both your habits and your presence. Though you weren't friends yet, the two of you went from being courteous and polite to being friendly, getting take out together from time to time, watching movies on rainy days when you were stuck in the house together. It was a symbiotic bond - he'd help you out sometimes, picking you up after work on days when it was too late to catch the train and you'd help him out sometimes, accompanying him to his family gatherings to appease his many many nosy relatives.

Joshua liked to think of the specific moment that the both you became friends as the night he came home to you crying. He knew you weren't back with your ex but as much as he disapproved of it, you had been meeting him frequently. He watched you, over the last many months, some days happy as a lark, and on some whisking away a tub of ice cream into your room followed by the sounds of sobbing. Joshua wanted to tell you to break out of this unhealthy cycle but it wasn't really his place to say anything so he did all he could from the sidelines - making sure you ate on time, that you had enough coffee after your sleepless nights (in a clean, washed cup) and that you were not always wallowing away in your sorrows.

That night when Joshua saw you sitting in crying on the couch, he thought something was wrong but it turned out, for the first time, everything went right. You had finally ended things - you had finally removed that horrible man from your life and had decided to move on. As the two of you sat and brutally cut up a the pictures of your ex together, somehow a friendship was born.

Even though it had been years, Joshua hadn't managed to move on. He hadn't managed to heal from his college girlfriend cheating on him with his best friend and instead resorted to the life of a loner who seeked occasional hookups, nothing lasting, nothing meaningful. Until you changed his mind. You told him although you were cheated on too, love was the most beautiful feeling you had ever experienced and one had to be truly lucky to find that. You assured him he was a great guy and that there was a woman out there who would see that and that he shouldn't close himself to the possibility.

After that, things were awfully comfortable in the house. Not like they weren't before but it was different now. The two of you regularly cooked together, hit the arcades on the weekends, went shopping - just started spending time not out of need or obligation but simply because you enjoyed each others company. Not only were you a source of comfort for him, Joshua began seeing you as in inspiration - the zeal with which you worked for your dream, the way you always managed to pick up the pieces and move on, Joshua was in awe of it all.

It took a while to convince himself but eventually, Joshua decided to put himself out there. No, not because you had begun talking to other men on dating sites. Also not because he hated that you would grab dinners with other people instead of making them at home with him. And definitely not because after tomorrow, you'd be gone - the two of you would finally be divorced.

Joshua looked at you perched on the island top, wiping away your tears. Funny how he always found you crying like this whenever your lives were about to take a drastic turn. He sighed, walking up to you, wiping away ice cream at the corner of your mouth with his thumb and thoughtlessly slipping it into his own mouth as he turned to the fridge to grab a pint for himself. You gripped your spoon a little harder than you intended to as you glanced at his back, looking away only when he turned to you.

Sure, over the year, you had gotten used to such acts of his - holding your waist as he moved you out of his way, tucking your hair behind your ear when your hands were busy washing dishes, grabbing the glasses on the shelf ab¹ove from behind you, his chest pressed into your back. He'd just do all this and move on, normally, like nothing happened, like your heart wasn't racing in its cage.

Joshua sat across you on the kitchen counter, leaning against the wall behind, stuffing his own face with a large spoon of the ice cream. You tried to brush away your thoughts and tears and continue eating but you couldn’t. You couldn't take away that one thought that had been plaguing you all day - that all of this was coming to an end soon.

You lied when you said your date had stood you up today. After you had dressed up, waited for a whole hour and then called your date to leave him a terrible message with a whole lot of profanity, he reminded you that your date was in fact scheduled 2 days later. As usual, you couldn't get one thing right. Of course you messed up, of course you were a klutz, you always were one but this time was different. This time, somehow you were more distracted than usual, mind all over the place. Perhaps because you knew what was coming tomorrow. Perhaps because you didn't want tomorrow to come.

You stared at the calender on the fridge, at the red circle around tomorrow's date sitting like a dark reminder that time waited for no one. Tomorrow would come no matter how much you wish it didn't. No matter how many tears unwillingly rolled down your cheeks and how many tubs of dessert you emptied or how much you wished you could hold onto this moment forever.

Joshua who was ranting off about how it was all your dates fault, that you had no reason to cry and that there was someone better out there, him, faltered when he saw what your eyes are fixed on. He felt a pang in his chest, right where his heart sat.

He cleared his throat, bringing your attention back to him, asking if you'd contacted any movers to shift your things - you were leaving by the end of this week to live with a bunch of girl friends you'd made at work. You smacked your forehead, forgetting yet again to do just that despite setting a whole bunch of reminders over the week. Joshua laughed and offered to call them for you instead, but you shook your head. You couldn't depend on him anymore, you needed to learn to live without him.

He admitted that he was so used to you, it was going to be hard for him to live without you too - how was he ever going to find a housemate as good as you? You agreed that he couldn't, you were the best fit for him. He laughed, claiming you needed him as a housemate more than he needed you, who else would wash your coffee cup every morning? You stared at him for a bit before nodding, agreeing. How could you possibly find someone as good as him?

It was like history was repeating once more, the two of you looking at each other with the evidently the same thought running your minds, unsure who should voice it first.

Silence, one that was heavy with thoughts and emotions, took over again, before Joshua decided to lighten things up.

After a long time, yet again Joshua took the lead, asking what you thought about continuing to live here. He did still need a roommate to share rent (he did not) and it would be a hassle for you to move so many things and besides, his house was closer to your workplace. You admitted that if he was okay with it, you didn't mind, you hated dealing with packing and moving anyways. The brightest smile Joshua gave you in response confirmed that you made the right decision, despite the other concerns were brewing at the back of your mind.

You then asked him what this meant for both of you and this marriage. He shrugged saying he didn't think it would make a big difference if the divorce happened or not - after all what was marriage but getting a roommate for a lifetime. You wanted to tell him that its a lot more than that but chose to be content with developments so far. At least for now, you still had him by your side. You could think about the future later.

"We should renew our vows."

"You wanna get remarried??"

"No, I mean we should base this new beginning on a new set of promises. Like..... you could promise to buy a bigger shoe stand for the house and I don't know, maybe finally start putting all your shoes on it?"

"Oh really? Then I guess you could promise to stop lying down on the couch cushions and flattening them?"

"What? I don't- Fine, then you can promise to start putting 2 alarms instead of 20?"

"......"

"I can hear it all the way till my room."

"Why didn't you ever tell me you idiot?"

"Just... didn't want to be someone who keeps complaining."

"Maybe you should promise me you'll start discussing things that bother you with me more."

"Then promise me that you'll never again let me come home to you crying and eating on the couch whose cushions I promise not to flatten."

"Alright, then promise me you'll let me pay rent now."

"Okay, that no, absolutely not. You don't have to-"

"Hey these are my vows-"

"Then I promise to never let you pay rent-"

"Shua-"

"Nope."

"But I can't just stay here without-"

"This remarriage is over."

"Shua please-"

"By the powers vested in me by ordained at home dot com-"

"By what?-"

"-I once again pronounce us husband and wife."

"Okay fine but-"

"I may now kiss my bride."

You didn't even realise when he had slid off the counter, walked up and slotted himself between your dangling legs, hands pressed onto the granite on either side of you. He looked at you, matching your equally amused expression, lips curling into a soft smile.

Many days later he swore he wasn't actually going to kiss and you were the one who kissed him first while you adamantly insisted he iniated it, he was the one who leaned in. Either ways, the fact remained the same - you kissed. Yes you were both basically laughing against each others mouths and both tongues ans all four hands were polite, but it was a kiss nevertheless, stirring something that you didn't even know existed between the two of you.

You pulled back, letting your eyes roam over his features, as his eyes drifted back to your lips, like a moth to a flame. Running your finger along your bottom lip, he stared at it, wondering why the taste of vanilla and your strawberry chapstick was so strangely addictive. When he met your eyes again it was like every nerve ending on your body had been lit on fire and his touch was the only thing that could calm it down.

This time, neither of you were really sure who went for it first but once again, his mouth was on yours, a lot longer, a lot more desperate. When his hands ran up your thighs and pulled you closer, wrapping your legs around his waist, you practically moaned into his mouth, making his lips curl into a satisfied smile. That was all he needed.

"Y/n....." He moved down to your jaw then your neck, groaning as your legs tightened around him, pressing his length against you. "I'm trying to be a gentleman, I want to be a gentleman but you're making it really hard."

Running your fingers into his hair, you pulled him off you, catching your breath. "And what I want is you..." His eyes flashed the same desperation as yours. Fuck it. It was now or never. "What I want is you in me. Gentle or not, I don't care-"

Before you were even done he's unbuttoning his shirt you've donned, beyond pleased that you're not wearing a bra, his ministrations continuing on your neck making you choke on your words.

"Wait, Shua, here?" You stuttered as his fingers grazed over the swell of your breast, mouth close behind.

"My kitchen, my wife. Who's to stop me?" His fingers ran down and along the seam of your underwear, taking an unecesary step away from you. "Do you want me to stop?"

Grabbing a fist full of fabric under his collar you shook your head. "Don't you dare."

And from there there was truly no stopping. In a flash he had stripped you of your panties and you had unbuttoned his pants, making him quickly step out of it, kicking it away. With his hands wrapped around your thighs, once again, he pulled you towards him.

"Here's what we're gonna do." His mouth littered kisses along your jaw. "I'm gonna prep you real quick and fuck you first. Then I'll take you to my room and treat you right. Is that okay?"

God you didn't know he had a mouth like this on him. It made you clench with desire as you nodded hurriedly, wrapping your arms around his neck. Joshua smiled at your desperation as he slipped his hand between your bodies, fingers finding your clit. Having been untouched for so long, just his touch sent electricity jolting through your body making you moan into his mouth as he captured it in a kiss, sighing at how it felt like music to his ears. Fucking hell, you were going to be the end of him.

He let his fingers graze down between your folds groaning at how easily they slipped between your wetness.

"All for me?" You nodded again, bringing a hand down to circle around his wrist, compelling him to move faster. "Patience sweetheart, I'll give you what you want."

And with that he easily slipped a finger into you, pumping it slow at first, before slipping another one, groaning at how tight you were. You fell forward, burying your face into the curvature of his neck, pointlessly hiding how desperate you were for him. But Joshua knew - he could feel your arousal drip down his hand as he moved his fingers, scissoring you open.

"Faster." You raised your head and whispered, sending delightful chills down his spine. "Hurry up and fuck me Shua."

"I will, I'm sorry sweetheart." He cooed back into your ear, "but two won't be enough for you to take me."

You could feel yourself literally drool at his words. You knew he was big. Perhaps he didn't realise but all those days he walked about commando in those grey sweatpants of his, you had seen the faint outline and understood he was a well endowed man. Now the thought of having that inside you was nearly driving you insane.

"Shua please..." You pleaded as his third finger began working you. "Let me see you."

Joshua nodded, pistoning his fingers a few more times before pulling out, making you clench around a strange emptiness. With a swift motion he pulled down and stepped out of his boxers, smiling slightly at the way your eyes were focused between his legs.

God you wanted that dick inside you. In your mouth, in your hands, in that little hole that was currently throbbing like crazy.

Getting yourself together, you finally managed to peel your eyes from his length and focus on what had to be done next. "Do you have a condom around here? I don't....."

You trailed off watching the very momentary disappointment flashing in his eyes. Joshua knew it was unreasonable to be upset over this yet he couldn't help but sigh when he realised what he envisioned could not come true. Yes Joshua was neat and well organised man but sex was something he preferred messy. The moment he felt how wet you were he knew what he wanted to do - pump you full of his cum, watch it drip down your pretty pink folds as he slowly fucked it back into you with his fingers, till you begged him to come. He really wanted to take his time calculatedly ruining you.

"I'll get on the pill from tomorrow." You continued, unable to decipher what was going on in that pretty head of his. "Then you can fill me up how much ever you want."

In his absence somehow suddenly, the countertop felt a lot colder under you and your brain finally decided to start working. Sure you were attracted to this man and clearly he was into you too, but what did this mean for the both of you? Were you two people casually living and sleeping together or was there something deep and genuine that was worth holding on to? The way he said my wife was still ringing in your ear.....

It was the promise of this happening another time that finally made Joshua move as he placed a quick kiss on your cheek and jogged out of the kitchen into his room.

Joshua walked back to you, waving a silver foil square with a grin on his face. As he stood before you and ripped it open you let your eyes run down his body. He was built so exquisitely and you've craved this man for so long and even though now, he was seconds away from fucking you stupid, you realised that was not enough. You needed more. You needed him entirely.

You stripped your unbuttoned shirt away as Joshua raised an eyebrow at you, rolling on the piece of latex. "I liked seeing you in my shirt-"

Pulling him to you, you captured his mouth in yet another long kiss as your hands on his shoulders pushed his shirt away too. "I don't want anything between us."

Joshua broke away from you, staring at your confused face intently. Your words made that little organ in his chest clench because he truly had no idea what they meant. He had no idea if this was just a result of two poorly executed dates or if you felt anything deeper for him. He knew what he felt though - he didn't want just this night or just nights like this. He wanted you entirely. He wanted to tell the world you were his wife, that you were his and that he was yours. God he was so in love with you.

Grabbing your hips he pulled you off the counter and turned you around, ignoring your little whines.

"But I want to see you."

"You have all night for that sweetheart." He ran his hand down the soft skin of your back, tightly gripping an ass cheek. If he saw your face as he fucked you he was afraid he could never again touch someone who wasn't you. He would never be able to get the way you would look as you come out of his mind. "I'm all yours."

Palms fixed on the cold granite helping you stay up, you looked over your shoulder and kissed your lover freverently. He kissed you back, hand snaking around your waist, slipping to your core, sliding his fingers between your folds again. Feeling your legs shake around his hand he smirked and brought his digits coated in your arousal up to your mouth, feeling you eagerly suck on them as he aligned his tip at your entrance, trying his best to not burying himself deeply into you.

"Do you taste that good sweetheart?" Hand moving to grip your jaw he turns your head, slipping his tongue into your mouth. "Fuck, I have to go down on you tonight. You're delectable."

Whining, you pushed your hips back against him, hoping he'll sink deeper into you, fill you up just right. Maybe because it had been so long since you've been intimate with anyone or maybe because you're finally in the hands of the man you were desperate for, but the moment Joshua gave in and pushed all the way in, you could already feel yourself throbbing around his length.

"You're so big...." You whispered, hands failing to grab anything on the smooth surface. Yes you had realised he was big but you didn’t think his girth would feel like this. "Fuck Shua, you fill me up so nice."

"Yeah?" He smiled against your shoulder, dropping a quick kiss on it as he started slowly moving his hips. "You feel incredible too sweetheart. Fuck, I lo-"

Your eyes widened as Joshua came to a complete halt, the grip of his hands on your hips loosening. You couldn't see but he was looking at you with a mix of confusion, desperation, fear and love that would have made you say those three words to him in an instant. You'll tell him. When the times right you'll tell him. But right now, you needed him to continue.

"Shua please." You brought your hand down to your clit, drawing furious circles. "Please move, please-"

And your begging turned into moans when he gave you just what you wanted, pulling back entirely before pushing all the way in, picking up the pace.

"So beautiful," He muttered, fingers surely leaving bruises on your hips. "You're so beautiful sweetheart. You feel like heaven."

"You- fuck." You couldn't possibly make a cohesive sentence with the way he felt inside you. "Shua I- oh god."

He chuckled against your ear at your inability. "Continue baby, what are you saying?"

"That....shit." You faltered as he purposely hit that exact spot with his tip again and again. "You... I..."

"My name sweetheart, that's all you need to say."

And that's all you gave him, mumbling his name over and over again as he removed your hand working on your clit and replaced it with his own. In an instant you felt yourself come around him, letting out what Joshua thought was the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard. Oh he could make you come just around his dick atleast another two times tonight - he was no where close to finishing.

As he let you come down from your high, his hand played with your breasts, only giving you slow languid strokes, ready to get rougher whenever you were.

"I need a minute." You muttered. "It's been a while, I'm sensitive and my legs hurt...I'm sorry."

"Don't be." Joshua slowly pulled himself out and wrapped his arms around tightly, pulling you against his chest. You could feel his racing heart behind you as he peppered small kisses along your shoulder, keeping you encircled in his arms. As much as his embrace felt like heaven, his hard length against your ass felt like yet another invitation to sin.

"Do you have more condoms?"

"Yeah." Joshua's eyebrows knitted in confusion. "In the drawer of my nightstand."

"Good." You smiled, turning to him, placing a kiss on his lips. "You'll need them."

Watching you push him back and sinking down to your knees was probably the hottest thing Joshua had ever seen in his life.

Wrong.

Pulling the condom off him, tossing it aside and wrapping your hand around his bare cock was so much better.

He groaned, throwing his head back as you teasingly licked the tip, working your hands on him.

"I'm not going to last much longer like this."

You smiled before taking him fully into your mouth, Joshua's hands on their own running through your hair, making your moan around his length. Sure, like any other guy Joshua did enjoy a good oral session but the way you looked up at him from between his legs might be his most favourite thing about tonight. Especially with that mischievous glint in your eyes.

"Easy sweetheart." He growled as you took him in so far he felt the back of your throat. He didn't want to go as far as fucking your throat tonight - it was supposed to be all about you. Besides, with the way your mouth worked, its not like he was going to last long enough anyways.

And sure enough, with a few more bobs of your head and strokes of your hand at the base of his length, he felt himself close.

"Fuck, I'm gonna-"

Nodding, you pulled yourself off him with a pop and opened your mouth and that's all it took for him to finally feel all that build up crash as he stroked himself hard and fast, coating your tongue with his cum.

You watched him struggle to catch his breath as you swallowed his bittersweet release, opening up to show him it was all gone. Joshua ran his thumb along the edges of your mouth wiping away the spit running down the corners.

"What a good girl." Aaaaand you were soaked yet again, core throbbing. "Who knew you had a mouth like this on you."

You grinned. "There's so much you don't know about me."

"Yeah?" He helped you up to your feet, and with an arm under your knees quickly lifted you into his arms. "Then let's find out."

And the kitchen was only left with the echo of your happy laughter as his room got ready to witness the rest of the very, very long night's events.

Joshua barely remembered what exactly happened last night. All that was branded in the frontal lobe of his brain was the image of your face when came over and over again on his fingers and mouth and dick. Your pretty sounds, the way you gripped his hair, the way your nails raked his back - it was all constantly running in his mind since he had woken up.

It had been about half an hour since the sunlight streaming in the room awakened him. Of all the amazing things that went down last night, the sight of your half naked body curled up against his chest in his bed was the most memorable. He had no idea your lips parted like that while you slept or that you frequently whined in your sleep. He wanted to know these small things about you. He wanted to know everything about you but he wondered if you would give him the chance to do that.

Just as he tucked your loose hairs behind your ear, his phone on the night stand began ringing loudly making him curse under his breath. As Joshua turned to pick up the phone, he felt you stir beside him. It was his divorce lawyer.

"Mr. Choi, morning." Joshua sat up rubbing his temples. He didn't even have the chance to talk to you about the future of this relationship and he was already getting a reminder to end it.

"Afternoon, Mr. Hong. Just called to let you know I've got all the paperwork ready."

"Right."

"Make sure you reach on time. Earlier would be better. I'd say at 2."

"Okay."

"Bring all the legal documents regarding your inheritance and finances, we need to talk about alimony and..."

Mr. Chois words which Joshua had already heard a 1000 times faded away as he felt you slowly stretch awake and clamber into his lap.

Good morning, he mouthed to which you smiled sleepily. God, he wanted this everyday.

You raised an eyebrow in question. Who is it?

Mr. Choi.

"....and I think that's all." Joshua turned his attention to the call again, missing the way your sweet smile faded. "You are getting ready to leave right? It will take you nearly an hour to reach in this traffic..."

Both of you turned and looked at the watch strike 1.

"Yeah we're..." He cleared his throat looking at you, unable to say the words. "We are...."

You wrapped your arms around his neck, recalling the way he was with you last night. Fuck, I lo-

This was love. This had to be love. And if he loved you and you loved him.....

And finally you took the lead this time, pressing your forehead against his, shutting your eyes tight and softly shaking your head.

Never in his life did Joshua feel the sense of relief he did as his heart flipped in his chest and he grinned. You didn't want this. You didn't want this which meant you wanted him.

"We're not coming today Mr. Choi. My wife and I don't want to get divorced."

With that he cut the call and threw his phone aside, wrapping his arms around your waist.

"Is that what you want?"

You opened your eyes to see the beautiful man in front of you looking at you like nothing other than you mattered.

"You are what I want."

Joshua captured your mouth in a long, deep kiss, swallowing his words, showing how much he wanted you too. He'll tell you those 3 words some day, when the time is right. And you'll tell him too - what was the hurry when you had your whole life with him ahead of you. Right now, you could show him instead so you pushed him back onto the bed, leaning over him as your hips began grinding against his hardening length. Joshua smiled at you lazily.

"You're insatiable Mrs. Hong."

"Only for you Mr. Hong."

#seventeen hong jisoo #seventeen joshua #joshua smut #jisoo smut #hong jisoo smut #dokyeom smut #seokmin smut #woozi smut #jihoon smut #joshua angst #jisoo angst #hong jisoo angst #seventeen smut #seventeen angst #seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen series #seventeen #hong jisoo #joshua

[gguksgalaxy]

0:05am | Joshua 1k

Pining(?) angst, requested by anonymous, request me here

info: The amount of self control i exerted to not make this longer istg

You’re staring. You’re hyperaware of it. You don’t care. Why would you. He’s gorgeous. Joshua sits a few seats to your left, in deep conversation with Seokmin and Soonyoung about his recent trip to Jeju with Seungkwan. Unbeknownst to him, you clung to every word falling from his beautifully shaped lips. The corner’s curl as he smiles, just a bit. Then, he suddenly turns to look at you. Almost like he’d known you were looking at him. 

“You can come sit closer if you want to join the conversation,” he jokes, slight laughter accompanying his words. He cocks his head to the side, waiting. 

With flushed cheeks you shake your head. “I was zoned out, sorry.” 

He smiles wider, nose scrunching up in just that way you adore. God, you adore every inch of him. Does he know? No. Absolutely not, and you’d never tell him. But it doesn’t matter. Your heart feels like it could explode right now.

“No need to apologise,” he says, before turning back to the others. 

Vernon does a futile attempt to turn you back to your original conversation with him, Wonwoo and Mingyu. All you can hear is Joshua’s laughter. The familiar intonation of his voice, just a bit breathy from the alcohol.

And then, Seungkwan interjecting loudly. “Ya, Shua, you should tell them about that girl. The blonde one.” 

You still immediately. Not a single fibre in your being wants to hear what’s about to come out of your crush’s mouth. Without a second thought you stand up, nearly knocking Mingyu’s drink out of his hand in the process. You apologise, circle the table and make your escape. 

“Fuck,” you groan when you reach the backyard. Hands in your hair,you fight the urge to butt your head against the door. How can you keep being this fucking love struck for a guy you’ll never have? Sure, Joshua is your friend, but he’d never be more. He’s way out of your league and has never even shown any interest in you beside that. Yet your dumb heart decided to cling on to him with the last bit of false hope you had. 

His pretty smile, his soft voice, his gentle mannerisms. All of him seemed just too perfect. You were anything but, couldn’t even control yourself and not stare at him whenever he’s near you. Surely your friends have caught on by now. You could’ve sworn Seungkwan at the very least caught on to your liking for his friend. No reason for him to bring up Joshua hooking up with a random chick in Jeju. Not that loudly at the very least. 

You scoff. “Get it together,” you mumble to yourself as you sit down on the porch. The grass beneath your feet is slightly damp, and you find yourself picking at it as you try to fight off the onslaught of feelings. 

“Hey.” Joshua’s voice startles you so much more than it should. “Are you okay?” 

If he is here your escape must’ve not been as smooth as you had hoped. You look up at him, his brow furrowed with worry. “Does a girl sitting alone and tipsy on a porch while plucking at grass look like the text book definition of okay to you?”

He has the nerve to laugh, just a little. And your heart has the nerve to jump. “Listen,” he chuckles, sitting down beside you, “Seungkwan had no right to say that.” God how you’d give to close that little bit of space between the two of you. His words don’t even fully register to you until he continues. “He was lying through his teeth, by the way.” 

“What?” you ask, meeting his eyes again. 

Joshua sighs, leaning back on his hands, averting his gaze up at the night sky. “He said it to get a rise out of you. He told me, while we were in Jeju, that he thought you had a crush on me.” 

You immediately look away, skin flushing all the way down your neck. That little fucker, you’ll have his hide tomorrow. He can’t just fucking do that. Out you to your crush of all things, your crush who is your friend and you see at least once a week. Disgusting.

“Is he right?” Joshua continues. You can feel his eyes on you, painfully so. 

What are you even supposed to reply to that? Say yes and get your heart broken. Say no and you end up risking your one chance. Damn you Boo Seungkwan. “Does it matter?” you ask. 

“Of course it does,” he says immediately. Not a second goes by. He doesn’t even think about it. “If it didn’t matter I wouldn’t be here. I chewed Seungkwan out in there mind you.” He stops, sighing away that little sliver of anger you can hear lining his voice. It’s not hard to imagine him, wide-eyed and shocked at Seungkwan’s words, telling him to shut it. You’ve heard him chastise the others before. But chew them out? Never. And for you?

“Hey.” Then, his hand brushes the back of your head, gently, fingers stroking over your hair. “Look at me,” he breathes. 

You turn, his arm coming to rest on your shoulder as you do. He is so much closer. The warmth of him is welcome, yet stifling. “Why does it matter to you?” 

Joshua cocks his head to the side, corners of his mouth curling up oh so lovely. His eyes shine, lost in thought for a moment. “Because you’re my friend,” he starts. 

You don’t let him finish. Instead, you scoff. Of course that’s all you are. Why did you even think for a second that you could have a chance with him. How could you be so stupid...

A chuckle of your name follows, paired by a light touch to the back of your head again. His fingers carefully brush your hair away from your face. “Look me in the eyes,” he says. It’s not a question, it’s a demand yet it’s so soft, so gentle. 

Again, you look at him, meeting his expectant gaze. “What?”

“It matters to me, because,” he stops, tongue darting out to wet his lips. His next words are anything but hesitant. “If you say no, then I’m going to go back inside to kick Seungkwan’s ass. And then I’ll come back to ask you what’s really upsetting you.” Again, he stops. He caresses your cheek, and you find yourself leaning into it. “If you say yes,” he smiles, unable to help himself, “I’m going to ask you out on a date.”

Request me here | © GguksGalaxy 2018 - 2023

#joshua fic #jisoo fic #seventeen fic #joshua angst #seventeen angst #jisoo angst #joshua drabble #seventeen drabble #jisoo drabble #mywriting

[mikithelibrarian]

Hey! Can request a reader × Lisoo plot, wherein, Lisoo are called to the army station regarding their spouse. They are worried sick and imagine the worst possible scenarios that might have happened to their spouse, since y/n works as a army general. But, upon reaching they see their spouse with a baby, peacefully sleeping on their chest and are informed that Y/N has agreed to foster the baby who's a war refuge. But this is one of the foster fail stories, where they adopt the baby as their own in the end, not able to get separated from the baby. ( Angst with happy ending).

P.S I love your works and it helps my body to pump more happy hormones in my system. 😇

Love,

J

Won´t Leave You - Poly! BLACKPINK Lisoo - GN! Reader

Angst/Fluff

First of all, I'm so sorry about not updating anything in months. Life was just too much and whatever time I could dedicate to writing, the inspiration wouldn't flow as normal, and I didn't want to release something just because I had to.

Anyways, here's your request! I'm very glad you liked my works (And I hope you still do since this request was made around September...)

Anyways, and as some side notes; I've seen other writers put like a list of specific anons, naming them with emojis and stuff, should I open one and call you Captains instead of anons?

And of course, I will still update It Takes Two and AUs.

Extra Note: In this story, we’ll jump a little bit into the future. Jisoo and you will be around 35 years old, while Lisa is 33.

TW: Mentions of war, little bit of strong language (?)

Added code: (Y/CN) - Your Child’s Name (I made your baby gender neutral too, for you to choose what you wanted)

And as another extra note, while I investigated about military ranks and adoption processes, I wasn’t realistic about them in the story, not wanting to over complicate the story legal terms and all that stuff.

Now, onto the reading!

When fate decides to unite different souls, it's difficult to refuse its calling

When they were called to the army base, they expected the worst, and the fact that you took a trip to the front lines to supervise everything didn’t help their nerves. It even came to a point that Lisa started shaking a little bit, crying in the van from time to time, she couldn’t lose you, both of them couldn’t lose you.

Now, imagine their surprise when they saw you there, at your office, asleep on your chair, and with a little baby sleeping on your chest as you leaned backwards. “General (L/N) is very tired as you see” The soldier that escorted them to your office whispered. “But after what they did, I guess they deserved this and months of vacation”

“What did (Y/N) do?” Jisoo asked in a low voice and with a confused tone as she only thought you were there to supervise some things, ‘just a routinary task’ you said.

“The General coordinated our last military operation, we won because of it”

Jisoo and Lisa didn’t seem amused by this new information, but before proceeding to kill you, there was another matter to attend.

“And who is that kid?” Lisa questioned.

“I actually don’t know a lot about the story” The soldier answered “I should let you discuss that privately, I’m afraid I’ve said more than what I should have, if you’ll excuse me”

As soon as the soldier exited the room, Lisa and Jisoo looked at each other and then back at you, debating if they should kill you or praise you, because: number one, you lied to them; number two, you came unharmed and with a victory in your hand; three, you apparently saved a baby and four, you kept the child without at least asking if they’d agree, although, considering you were in, this last point they could look over.

Jisoo walked towards you, while Lisa stayed in her place, and gently shook your shoulder, waking you up after some seconds. You slowly opened your eyes, still feeling your body as if you are carrying a ton of weight, but as soon as you saw the beautiful face of one of your girlfriends, all of it just vanished away… up until you noticed the frown in her face and knew you were lowkey screwed.

Then, you noticed your other girlfriend, Lisa, standing just a few steps away with her arms crossed.

Now… You’ve seen the face of death, met her in the eye and drank a coffee with her as you tell her all about your military career; you’ve been at the wrong side of a gun barrel and saw your life through the inside of a rifle up until it ended on the dim shine of the bullet just at the bottom of it… But nothing could beat the angry face of your partners.

At that sight, you whispered whatever defense you could think of. “Before you think about killing me, I have a baby in my arms who has already taken a liking towards me” None of them talked back at you, making your nerves to skyrocket. “Look, I lied, I actually…”

“We know” Lisa interrupted you. “Let’s discuss this at home” Jisoo nodded, and you sighed, already carefully planning how you could win their forgiveness.

-

“Start” Jisoo instructed you. The three of you at your dining room, both of your girlfriends across you as if they were judging you in a court, all while the baby was still asleep in your room.

“I was called by my superiors to coordinate the last advance of our army, it was an order, not a request. I lied because I knew how risky it was and I preferred that, if I died, you would just know about it all at once instead of torturing for weeks, making you wonder if I’d return alive or not” You put your hands together on the table, nailing your eyes on them, refusing to the meet the couple of stares in front of you. “I was wrong, I know and about that baby in our room… after our victory, some of my soldiers heard crying in one of the alleys and when they went to investigate, well, there was a woman, shot in the back multiple times but who still remembered to fall sideways so she could protect the baby in her arms. When I heard about that, I felt guilty, even if none of soldiers killed her, it happened through the course of my operation, so I offered myself to foster the baby while the government take care of all the papers and authorizations to look for adoptive parents” Sighing, you looked up and saw the small tears forming in their eyes. “I’m so sorry”

“You’ve never lied to us” Jisoo pointed out. “So as long as you don’t make it into a usual thing, I forgive you”

“I do too, but I prefer to know you are in danger instead of just knowing that one day, you’ll never come back to us” Lisa added just before some cries started to echo around the penthouse.

“I’ll see what they need” Jisoo and Lisa nodded before you stood up and went to your room.

“I’ll order food for the baby and…” Jisoo looked at Lisa and put her hand on hers over Lisa’s lap. “…I’ll let you choose their clothing” The Thai smiled brightly.

“I’ll do my best”

-

Some weeks have passed ever since, and your life had drastically turned. You were still working in the army, but you have been less diligent about it, trying to take most of your free time to think about (Y/CN), and yes, along with both of your girlfriends you named the baby, even if you were still fostering them, just like right now.

You were on your coach, baby in your arms and holding the feeding bottle to (Y/CN)’s mouth, Jisoo and Lisa looking at you in adoration.

“I’ll resign from the army” You suddenly said, still looking at the baby, leaving Jisoo and Lisa into a little bit of a shock.

“Why so suddenly?” Lisa asked.

“It’s not sudden, I’ve been thinking about it for a while now, I just didn’t have the courage to imagine a life outside the army, but after what happened in the last operation, the blood that was spilled under my orders, I just feel that this is the right option”

“We’ll always support you” Jisoo smiled at you.

“I know” You stopped feeding the baby and saw how their little eyes looked at you, in pure adoration. You were their protection, almost by instinct they saw you as their shelter, their parent.

That moment would have lasted longer just if your phone hadn’t started to ring scaring the baby. (Y/CN) started to cry because of the sudden noise, making Lisa to stand up and take the baby off your arms and take them into your room so you could talk to whoever was calling you.

As soon as you picked up the phone and listened to the voice on the other side of the line greeting you, you knew what this call was about. So, you just greet them and let them talk as you closed your eyes, confusing Jisoo.

“Have a good day” You ended the call and looked at Jisoo. “A couple has started searching to adopt an international baby and adoption services want to give them (Y/CN)”

Jisoo just nodded and stayed quiet.

This was expected to happen, so, why did you feel like that? Broken?

“Look!” Lisa whispered-yelled as she entered the living room, with a big smile on her face. “I finally managed to calm (Y/CN) down” Jisoo and you looked at Lisa, her happy face breaking both of your hearts even more. “Did something happen?”

“Adoption services want to give (Y/CN) to a couple” Lisa’s smile suddenly disappeared, and her eyes fell on the sleeping face of (Y/CN).

No words were spoken afterwards.

-

That dreaded day has arrived. All the baby things the three of you bought were now packed and ready to be given to adoption services as soon as the ring the bell of your home.

Jisoo was carrying (Y/CN), looking intently at the baby while sitting on the couch, wanting to engrave their face in her mind, with Lisa and you on her sides, doing the same as Jisoo.

“I don’t want to let (Y/CN) go…” Jisoo whispered as her hand very gently caressed the head of the baby.

“I love you (Y/CN)” Lisa sadly smiled.

But you, you were quiet.

Back when you were training, you were taught not to care, to think rationally, to fight and to follow orders, not to against them; but how could you ever do that now?

It was cruel, wasn’t it?

One thing was to have never met (Y/CN), for their biological mother to survive, to never feel this kind of happiness and sadness.

But to meet her, feeling all these emotions and suddenly having to let her go, that was another thing.

The ring of your doorbell sounded across your home, Lisa and Jisoo suddenly tensing up at what that meant, but still, they did not let go, they wanted to hold onto (Y/CN) until the last second.

“I’ll go open the door” You offered and stood up without receiving any kind of response.

All that Jisoo and Lisa wished was to wake up, this had to be a nightmare. It felt too surreal, it broke them to a point where they were questioning why they would let themselves love (Y/CN) if they knew someday, they had to go.

When they heard the door open, Lisa put her head on Jisoo’s shoulder, seeking any kind of comfort.

It felt like an eternity until they heard the door close and some steps getting near them and stopping just behind them. They did not want to look, fearing that as soon as they turn around, they’ll people in fancy suits asking them to give up (Y/CN).

“(Y/CN)’s adoption process has started” Your voice brought with it the start of their worst fear, there was no turning back now, (Y/CN) was no longer under your care. “After some visits to the psychologist and some others from adoptions services for evaluation, they should give us the adoption certificate for (Y/CN)”

Did they hear correctly?

Give us? Us?

Both of them turned around slowly and noticed the lack of any personnel from adoption services.

“(Y/CN) is going to be our kid” Lisa was the first to react and run towards you, jumping into your arms and kissing you all over your face. Jisoo smiled brightly and looked towards (Y/CN), their eyes were open and looking back at her with that spark only (Y/CN) could have.

Jisoo stood up and went towards Lisa and you, getting as close to you as possible. All three of you looked at (Y/CN), finally, without any fear, you could call yourselves their parents.

Once you love someone, you give them a part of your heart, as a proof of that devotion; then, it is no surprise that when they leave you, it hurts like hell. A part of your heart has been taken away, it will take years to repair and even then, you won't be the same one ever again.

#jisoo x reader #jisoo imagines #lisa x reader #lisa imagines #blackpink imagines #jisoo fluff #lisa fluff #lisa angst #jisoo angst #blackpink fluff #blackpink angst #kpop fluff #kpop angst #kpop imagines #kpop fluff imagines #kpop angst imagines #gender neutral #gender neutral reader #gender neutral imagines #gender neutral fluff #gender neutral angst #blackpink #jisoo #kim jisoo #lisa #lalisa manoban

[multiphandomunnies]

Jisoo

college au

mafia au

just sleep

rainy day

blushing and candies

kill this love intro

#blackpink #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop fluff #kpop reacts #kpop reactions #kpop angst #kim jisoo #jisoo imagines #jisoo scenarios #jisoo fluff #jisoo angst #kim jisoo imagines #kim jisoo scenarios #kim jisoo fluff #kim jisoo angst #jisoo smut #kim jisoo smut #blackpink imagines #blackpink scenarios #blackpink fluff #blackpink angst #blackpink smut

[toruro]

— ✧ isohel

i·so·hel (noun) a line on a map connecting points having the same duration of sunshine

pairing. hong joshua x reader

description. fairytales can be rather misleading, can't they? when you and your mother are ripped away from your life at the castle, you spend over a decade resenting the royalty. so naturally, when you find prince joshua at your doorstep, you’re more than eager to shut the door on him. but as your life takes twists and turns, you happen to find yourself in the arms of a man you never thought you'd have to see again.

genre. slowburn, modern royalty au, angst, fluff

tags. prince!joshua, developing relationships, slut shaming, allusions / references to greek mythology, dialogue heavy, implied se

fic playlist

w/c. 26.2k

a/n. lwk don't like the beginning but i swear it gets better🙄 thank u @cheolhub for beta reading & @jeonghantis & @gyuswhore for reading it over and helping out w this bc i think i was going insane over this story by myself >_<; ... i highly suggest listening to the song isohel by eden! it was a major inspiration for this whole story and i think it encapsulates the vibes really well c: hope u enjoy!

The sound of glass shattering isn’t foreign to your ears.

It’s common in the sweltering heat of the summer when the air is hot and sticky. Maids running around to tend to the evenings balls and parties only for the sweat to breach their fingers and suddenly their stack of fine china goes tumbling to the ground.

A bed of hyacinths sits in front of you as you bring up the hose and spray them down, watching through the tinted glass as two male helpers rush to the woman on the ground, quickly helping her clean up the shards of glass.

Turning your attention back to the plants in front of you, you turn the hose off and roll it back into the corner as you skip to the end of the greenhouse where there’s your mother’s desk space. It’s a measly little space but she hardly sits there anyways, always tending to the gardens in the courtyards, leaving the floral and herbal greenhouses under your care while she’s away.

After all, your mother is a gardener and botanist in the Hong palace, and having been a trusted employee for the past half decade since your father passed, she exudes the little privileges of getting to bring her daughter to work.

At least that’s what you think, because you’re only nine years old and naive.

She teaches you well—you’ve only been accompanying her on the weekends when you don’t have school, but you’ve already picked up on how to tell the differences between an infected plant and an unaffected one, the characteristics of a good caterpillar and the characteristics of a bad one, the exact amount you should water each species, and exactly when you should let the vapor run down.

It’s easy work, and you love it.

You love sitting at your mother’s desk and imagining what it’d be like to be her—successful and working in the castle, doing what you love instead of working some stupid nine to five. You love looking out the glass of the greenhouses every few moments when you pause reading your book. You love the rare moments when you get to lay your eyes on one of the members of the royal family walking by.

You’ve started to pick up on their characters in the small frame of time you get to see them when they pass by. The Queen has kind eyes, the King is a bit intimidating, and Prince Joshua … Prince Joshua has soft features you can’t quite read.

“He’s only a year older than you!” one of your friends from school said when you told her that you stayed at the castle during the weekends to help your mother. “You should marry him and become princess!”

You had to push her away and watch her disappointed eyes when you told her that you hardly get to see him for more than ten seconds, even on the rare occasions that he crosses your vision.

The sound of glass shattering isn’t foreign to your ears, but hearing it more than twice in one hour does have some alarms ringing in your head. When you glance back up at the window, time stops.

Your mother is on the ground. Limbs sprawled out with eyes wide in horror, she scrambles against the rough stone path as a man looms over her. He dons a deep purple robe—the kind that belongs to the advisors of the Court—and your young mind races through the possibilities of what warrants the disgusted look on his face.

“Sneaking around with royal blood. Who do you think you are?”

A man watches, dark and brooding from the corner, and then you recognize him. Advisor Lee. He stops by the greenhouses sometimes—a high advisor of the Counsel and distance relative of the King’s. You’re nine years old and naive, but you are not dense.

Something had happened between your mother and Advisor Lee. Something tells you it’s more than you can understand, but in this moment, you feel you understand perfectly.

“You whore,” the man in the dark robes spits out, punctuating his disgust with a stomp of his feet right by your mother’s leg.

You’re only nine years old, but that is old enough to know that that is not a nice word. Nine years old, and you know that that means a very bad thing. Nine years old and when you look at your mother’s grief stricken face, you are certain that everything is about to change.

Your house was always on the edge of the town. Before the affair between Advisor Lee and your mother, it was because she liked having the space to open a garden in your backyard. The city is crowded and full of bustling roads and buildings—it’s no fit for the small cottage that she wanted.

Now, after the affair, your house is on the edge of the town for a different reason.

The first day after your mother is fired from her position at the castle, you go to school with your head hanging low. It’s in the city, and for the first time in your five years of schooling, your mother tells you to go alone.

“I can’t—I shouldn’t drive you anymore,” she tells you as you pack your backpack. She walks you to the bus station and hands you a paper telling you which stop to get off at and how to walk to school from there.

You’re not sure what you’re expecting when you two walk up to the little stop by the street, but when you approach the small crowd of people waiting for the next bus to come in, their chatter hushes. Sparing glances at you and your mother, they whisper—some hushed, some blatant, some sad, some angry.

That’s where she stops and puts a heavy hand on your shoulder. “You can take it from here, yeah?” she asks, but you know it’s not really a question. Nodding, you slowly walk towards the crowd of people as the next bus parks in front of the stop.

You don’t turn around and look at your mother because you know that’d be a mistake. Instead, you let your neck droop, following the quiet crowd as they pile into the bus, clutching the strings of your backpack.

There aren’t any places to sit, so you reach for a pole but suddenly the bus starts and you lurch forward, falling to the ground. There’s black and brown dust on the palms of your hand as you push yourself up, no one saying a word or bothering to help as you keep your head down and grip onto a pole.

The knees of your stockings are dirtied, and it’s the only thing you look at the whole ride, it’s the only thing you look at when you silently take the walk to school, and it’s the only thing you look at when you make your way onto campus.

It’s the whispers again, and as you quietly sink into your normal seat, you hear them louder.

Did you hear about her mother? She isn’t allowed in the castle grounds anymore. What did her mother do? I can’t believe she showed up, I’d be crying at home. I wonder what she’s thinking—

Nothing. You think nothing when your teacher announces that class will be starting. All you focus on is the board and your notebook. You spend your recess and lunch at the school’s library, and as soon as the final bell rings, you scurry off campus and towards the bus station.

It isn’t like the morning—people don’t hush and stare, but nine years old is smart enough to know that it’s because they don’t know you’re your mother’s daughter. There aren’t any empty seats just like the morning but this time, a nice gentleman offers you his spot.

You can tell he isn’t so sure of his decision though, when you finally get off at your stop and you run off to your mother who’s waiting for you by the bench. From the corner of your vision, you watch the man through the bus window, jaw tight and gaze cold as he watches you slip your hand into your mother’s.

Your mother doesn’t talk on the short walk home. She doesn’t ask you about school and she doesn’t ask you about what the other kids said. You figure that she doesn’t need to hear it anyways, and so you purse your lips together.

You have a lot to get used to.

Your life doesn’t change much, and you get used to it.

School days are spent with your head buried in a new book with every break you have. Your time at home is nothing but studying and your mother teaching you how to tend to the garden in your yard.

Soon you are graduating and moving on with your life as you make the transition to college, although you can’t say much changes. You study, you read, and occasionally you commission a project. It’s usually just renovating a citizen’s yard, sometimes it’s designing a public garden, but it’s never anything too serious.

Right now, you’re perched on a wooden stool, elbows leaning on the counter as you swipe your thumb over your tongue to flip the next page of your book. The paper is worn through, soft under your touch as a show for all it’s been through—bought second hand from your boss.

Your boss is a kind old man who happened to be a friend of your late grandfather’s, and when his little bookstore was teetering on the edge of being forgotten, you couldn’t refuse the offer to step in to work.

You’re around halfway through the book when you hear the familiar ringing of the bell above the door, head snapping up only to see your boss at the front door with a few envelopes in one hand, a plastic bag in the other.

“Holding up the fort, I see,” he greets with a low chuckle as you stand up and walk over, taking the bag from his hand to help out.

“As always, Mr. Min,” you reply, setting the bag of books down on the counter. “Are these—”

“They’re your mothers. I was walking by your house this morning and she asked me to take these and add them to our stock, since she said she doesn’t need them anymore.”

“Huh,” you say softly, taking out the various books about plants. “Not sure how big the market for gardening books is anymore, but I’m sure I can add it to our catalog after hours today,” you mutter, setting them on the table behind the register as he places the letters in his hand.

“Your mother also told me to give you this,” he says, his tone an octave lower as he plucks out one the envelopes and hands it to you. You knit your eyebrows together, wiping your dusty hands down on your pants before taking a look at it. “It’s from—”

“The castle,” you whisper, holding the envelope closer to your face to make sure you’re seeing it correctly. “Oh my god—it’s from the castle.”

“Yeah. Must be important if your mom felt the need to send it through me instead of just waiting for you to come home and take a look at it.”

“A-are you sure this is meant for me?” you manage to ask, flipping the envelope over a few times to make sure you read your name correctly.

“Yup,” Mr. Min replies, pointing down at where the intended recipient is listed. Sure enough, it’s your name listed in dark and bold ink in one corner, and then there’s that stupid royal emblem of the sun in the other corner.

Your heart sinks to your stomach at the possibilities of what could be inside, raking your mind for an answer. Was something wrong? Was it about your mother? Or was this just some big mistake?

Dear Madam,

The Hong Royal Counsel wishes to find you well, as we present a request.

Your reputation with your mother’s work as well as the operation of your own gardens throughout the city, along with your academic achievements at our very own Hong University have reached our ears, and we believe you possess the skills required for a special project we have in mind.

You will have the opportunity to lead this project as you please and earn a notable financial sum in payment for your efforts.

Please indicate your acceptance by replying to this letter at your earliest convenience. We eagerly await your response and sincerely hope that you will be able to grace our kingdom with your talent and presence.

Thank you,

Hong Royal Counsel

You don’t have to read the letter more than once before you scoff, tossing the crisp paper and letting it drift down onto the counter before muttering under your breath, “Who do they think they are?” Crumpling the envelope and letter up, you throw it down into the trash can by your chair.

Knocks on your door aren’t normal. The delivery and mailmen know better than to do that, leaving your packages and mail by the doorstep and doing no more than that.

Knocks on your door usually mean Mr. Min is here for something—picking up some of the veggies your mother grew because the store prices are too high, dropping off a book, or indulging in some pleasantries and casual small talk.

It’s eight in the morning when you hear the soft rapping against your front door. Your mom is in the kitchen and your room, right next to the foyer, has walls thin enough to let the sounds through. You’re on your bed though, and it’s comfortable, warm, and it’s too early to be out and about anyways. You’ve just spent the past nine months laboring away at college, so you’re granting yourself these few moments of peace in the morning.

Pressing your head into the pillow, you try to drown out the noise of your mother conversing with Mr. Min this early in the morning. After you hear the door open, there’s a silence and for a moment, you think you’ve succeeded in plugging your ears well enough.

You’re about to smile to yourself and drift back into a heavy sleep before you hear a loud gasp.

It takes a lot to surprise your mother—you’ve come to learn that in recent years. It takes a lot to stun her, to have her gasp as you just heard. Scurrying out of bed, you press your ear against the wall in hopes to catch a glimpse of what’s going on.

All you hear is silence.

It hardly takes a second for you to shove off your blankets and throw yourself into the hallway, rushing towards the foyer where you see your mother standing in front of the open door. She stays unmoving and you wince for a few moments, eyes still adjusting to the morning light as you make your way closer to the door to see what exactly has her so shocked.

And then you catch it: a glint of that wretched, golden sun emblem stitched onto a purple velvet coat.

“What the f—”

Your mother’s hand flies up and grabs your wrist tightly. It’s the first time you see her move, and as she turns around to face you with dark, warning eyes, you press your lips shut as you glance over her shoulder. In front of your doorstep is a man you never thought you’d get to see in person again, not after that day.

Prince Joshua is just as handsome as the tabloids and social media make him out to be, and his presence in your life also seems to be equally infuriating.

“What is he doing here?” you hiss, pulling your mother closer to you so she’s close enough to hear you.

Her eyes are somber, and you silently wonder how she can be so calm, so docile, so—so tame. “They’re here for you,” she whispers, turning her whole body so her back faces the prince.

“What are you talking about? Why would—”

“The letter sent to you from the kingdom. I thought you told me it was a mistake.”

“It was,” you mutter, eyes glancing at Prince Joshua behind her. His gaze is averted, presumably out of respect for the conversation you’re having with your mother right now, but you can’t find it in yourself to appreciate him for it.

“Then why is he asking for your name?”

You gulp anxiously, eyes flickering between your mother’s eyes and the floor. “I don’t know.”

“Talk to him. It must be important,” she orders, walking forward and toward the kitchen and you grab her shoulder quickly.

“Are you kidding me? Why—why would I talk to him? Why would I talk to any of them?” you argue louder than you intended, and your mother swats your hand away sharply.

“They’re royalty,” she says, voice strained with caution.

“And? It’s not medieval times where they actually rule over us so—”

Your mother sighs heavily and then it hits you that no matter how much logic you try to expend, it’d be futile. “Talk to him. It isn’t quite like you have a choice.”

“You of all people shouldn’t put up with this,” you state and the second the words leave your lips, you regret it. Her face hardens and there’s a cold feeling that sinks in your stomach as she frees herself of your grasp and marches away.

You’re left watching her back fade into the rest of your house as your eyes are wide and you’re becoming increasingly aware of the presence of another person behind you. A person who is very important and very famous and very much a representation of all the things you loathe.

Turning on your heel, you don’t bother to push your lips up into a morning grin facing Prince Joshua with tired eyes and frown etched into your mouth. Taking a deep breath, you glance back at your mother who is in a far off room, deciding that whatever he needs to say to you, she doesn’t need to hear.

Slipping on some slippers, you quickly walk out of the house and close the door behind you, putting you right in front of Prince Joshua who waits for you with bright eyes.

“Hi,” he greets, voice airy and light as he takes a few steps back so he can bow, of which you begrudgingly return. “Sorry to bother you so early in the morning, I was just taking care of some work in the area and was told to stop by and talk to you about something.”

He sounds sincere, and his lips curve into a pleasant expression when he speaks, and you wonder if he’s plain stupid playing dumb to save you the humiliation of the situation—a royal prince speaking to the daughter of ‘a slut who seduced the royal advisor.’

So unable to decipher anything about his true intentions, you ask bluntly, “Is it about the letter I got from the kingdom two weeks ago?”

Prince Joshua chuckles nervously, rubbing the back of his neck and you catch the fancy white fabric of his buttoned up shirt underneath the coat. “I mean, yes it is and—”

You scoff, crossing your arms over your chest. “Why do you guys even bother sending letters? It’s the 21st century, you know? Emails exist.”

His face reddens, looking away before pursing his lips together. “Some things are just kept out of tradition,” Prince Joshua reasons quickly. “But I totally understand that, we’ll keep emailing in mind. But for the meantime, that’s, uh, kind of what I’m here for. We didn’t hear back a response, and I would like to take your answer back to the castle for you.

“Isn’t no response enough of a response?”

“Well—”

“My answer is no, if that wasn’t obvious,” you say, turning back to the door. “Is that all?”

“Wait!” he exclaims, grabbing your arm with his white leather gloves. It’s a bit surprising, really—he seems awfully timid for a prince and you’re a bit unnerved by how he hasn’t reprimanded you yet for being disrespectful. “Is there a reason why you don’t want to take on the job? If there are some specifics, maybe we can adjust the arrangement so it’s more to your liking.”

Your eyes widen, bewildered. “What? No I—I don’t care for anything like that, I won’t take the job.”

“Aren’t you just a ray of sunshine,” he mutters under his breath before his eyebrows knit together as he looks at the ground, seemingly trying to figure something out. “Is it the money? We can negotiate your salary,” he offers and you shake your head.

“No, it’s not the money—I don’t care about the money,” you say harshly. “It’s not any of that, I just don’t want to.”

“Can you tell me why? It’s just, I’ll have to report this back to the Counsel and if I’m not able to recruit you, they’d at least want some reasoning for why.”

Inhaling sharply, it takes all your self control to not let your eye twitch and slam the door in his face. “Are you really asking me why I don’t want to?” Pursing your lips together, you glare at him harshly. “You were there that day, weren’t you?” you ask more quietly, and for a moment you see Prince Joshua falter. “Not that I’d expect you to care but surely you can at least understand why I don’t want to.”

“I-I’m sorry, but I really can’t change the past.”

Scoffing, you turn on your heel and open the door. “I’m not asking you to.”

“Wait—just wait a sec’!” he calls out, stopping the door with his palm before you close it. “You’re in your second year at Hong University, right?” He doesn’t wait for a response before he continues. “We’ll pay for the rest of your tuition.”

The air in your lungs seems stuck for a passing moment, and you shake your head to yourself, stepping into your house and turning around one last time with cold eyes and a deep frown. “No.”

The prince looks around hastily before blurting out, “We’ll do all of it!”

“All of what?”

“We’ll pay for all of your tuition—reimburse you for what you’ve already paid.” You don’t care. You shouldn’t care. “All of it, plus your hourly wage,” he adds, and you don’t even have a chance to think before you feel your mother’s hand on your back.

“She’ll do it.”

Your mother chuckles as she helps you tie the lavender colored robe around your waist. You’re not sure what she finds so funny about this, but you bite your tongue when you start to catch on how she ties the ribbons with such ease.

Over ten years of being away from the castle can’t erase the time she spent there, tying her own robe every morning before she was stripped of her title, and in turn, also the life she worked so hard to build up.

As you look down at the smooth fabric sent to you a week earlier from the castle, you’re forced to begrudgingly admire the intricate embroidery. The collar and ribbons are decorated with a darker purple stitching that runs in all sorts of twists and turns and swivels around the curves of your body.

“They’ve made them look nicer since I’ve last seen them,” she thinks out loud, matting her hands down your shoulders to smooth the fabric down one last time before taking a look.

“I don’t understand why you’re still so—” You inhale sharply and press your lips together, warning yourself to not say anything more when she shoots you a cautionary look. “Sorry,” you mutter, turning away so you can glance at yourself in the mirror. You do look pretty nice, if you had to admit.

“Just think about the money,” your mother encourages. “They’re covering the cost of all your schooling—all those days spent at Mr. Min’s can now go towards things you enjoy, rather than paying for your university.”

“I guess,” you grumble, adjusting your hair one last time before grabbing your phone and keys, walking towards the foyer.

“You know the way right?” your mother calls out as you slip on your shoes and walk out onto the front porch.

“I wish I didn’t,” is all you say, low and under your breath as you make your way to the car.

The castle lies in the heart of the city, so it’s quite the drive. You’re careful as you try to keep your robes clean, bunching it up to your thighs as you drive, and once you’ve made your way to the castle, you’re sure to make sure the hem of the bottom doesn’t hit the ground.

Reporting to the entrance that was given in your email (why they send emails for instructions but not the actual invitation to your job still remains a mystery to you), you carefully tuck your phone into a crevice of your robes.

The entrance starts at a gate on the east end of the castle, and you make your way to the little hut that sits at one end where a woman in a lavender polo and dress pants sits at a desk. Knocking on the window, you smile nervously as she looks up from her papers.

“Can I help you?”

“Yes!” you say, holding up your phone and pointing to your first day instructions. “It’s my first day here, and I’m not sure how to get inside and all.”

“Did they give you a code?”

“Uh, yeah let me check again,” you murmur, looking back at your phone to find the 5 digit code you were sent. “It’s, uh—32423.” The lady hums and nods, checking something on her computer before looking up at you with a smile.

“That’s correct. From now on you can just come through the smaller gate on the side—it should be to the left of this big gate, and just put in whatever code you have. It changes every few days but you’ll be notified with the new password every time it does.”

“Thank you,” you say, glancing over your shoulder to look at the gate she’s talking about.

“For now, just follow me. Since it’s your first day, I’ll show you the way to the … where was it you need to get to?”

“Right here it says the Advisory Quart?”

The girl’s eyes widen as she sits up from her seat and walks out of the hut, leading you toward the smaller gate. “Seriously?” she asks as she punches in the code, the gate automatically opening once she’s done.

The gate leads to a narrow pathway that runs slightly uphill in the midst of a lush field of trimmed green grass and sparse flowers that was previously hidden from you by the large stone halls. You remember the scene vaguely, but it’s a lot lovelier in person than you remember. Glancing up the pathway, you catch sight of the large castle in front of you, and the vision has an uneasy feeling floating in your stomach.

“Uh yeah, is that surprising?” you respond, hoping the small talk will distract you, even if it’s only a little.

“I mean the Advisory Quart is no joke. Those people work like crazy dogs—” she says with a laugh before looking at you with wide eyes. “Wait, I’m sorry—please don’t tell anyone I said that, they’ll—”

“Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me. But please do continue—what were you saying? I haven’t been in that castle in a long—I’ve never been to the castle before, so I’m not up to speed with all the different Quarts and sectors and stuff.”

“Oh well, it’s just that the Advisory Quart does a lot of work … I swear they’re always running around, talking about some new project they’re working on,” she says as you follow her up some steps, nearing an entrance to a building connected to the castle.

“What kind of projects?” you ask curiously.

“Oh gosh, everything, I tell you, they do pretty much everything. From helping the King with his own decisions to doing absolutely random, huge projects, there always seems to be someone who’s on top of everything. I remember I had a friend whose husband worked up there—they were working on designing a whole new ballroom and no one had any idea why! So what are you going to be doing there?”

Chuckling nervously, you aren’t sure if you should tell this girl that you don’t really know. “One of those random projects, I assure you,” you tell her because you’re pretty sure it’s true. After all, you’re almost positive they won’t have you be doing anything that’s worthwhile.

“Ah, well you’ll probably be swamped either way,” the girl says with a sigh as you reach a large wooden door. “Anyways, we’ll part ways here. Just go through these doors and there’ll be a big hallway. Ignore all the different corridors and doors on the side, and just go straight and you can see there’s an open room at the end of this hallway. That’s where your check-in will be, and the people there will direct you to wherever you need to go.”

You blink a few times, taking in all the information before nodding meekly, bowing and thanking the girl for her time as she walks away. Taking a deep breath, you open the door with a loud creaking noise, stepping into the grand hallway.

The walls are beige with ornate accents lining the bottom and top, intricate designs carved into the ceilings that hang chandeliers in intervals. Your sandals clack against smooth travertine marble as your eyes roam the entrances to different corridors and rooms, doors dark and wooden, similar to the one you just entered through.

There aren’t many people in the long hallways, passing by only a few others who seem to have their attention busied by papers or their phone. Some of them are wearing similar fashioned robes to yours, while most of the others are wearing the same lavender colored polo and white slacks as the girl who brought you here.

Smoothing the fabric below your waist one more time as you near the large open room you were directed to, you glance around and find a desk with a kind looking receptionist talking to a man wearing your kind of robes.

Quietly approaching the desk, you stand a few feet behind him, patiently waiting for them to finish so you can step up. Neither of them seem to notice, being caught up in a conversation that seems a bit of a mix of professional and leisurely.

Twiddling with your fingers behind your back, you rock side to side on your feet as you wait for the two to finish up talking about how they’re excited for the next ball that’s coming up, not bothering to think about who these people might be and why they’re even invited to it.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” the man at the counter calls out, “I can help you.” He smiles and waves you over before nudging the other man on his shoulder. “Seokmin, go—you’re distracting me.”

The man he pushed is a handsome looking guy, light brown hair falling just above his eyes as he turns around and gives a small smile, stepping to the side but not fully backing away. “Ah, sorry about that. Go ahead, we were just catching up.”

“No worries,” you say quickly, walking up to the receptionist. “I’m here to find the Advisory Quart I think? I was told to report to this entrance, and the lady at the front told me to come here—it’s my first time here so—”

“Your first time in the castle?” the other man asks you with wide eyes.

“Uh, well—”

“Don’t mind him—Seokmin, you know better than to mess with the newbies,” the receptionist murmurs, and you frown at the word. He catches on and looks up at you, holding a hand out. “No offense.”

“N-none taken. So could you help me—I’m really not sure where to go.”

“Yeah of course. Does your email say who you’ll be reporting to?”

“It says here ‘Mr. Park.’”

“Oh okay, his room number’s going to be 77, right down that corridor right there,” the receptionist tells you kindly, pointing at one of the side hallways you saw while walking here. “Since it’s your first day, I’ll let him know that you’ll be coming down so he can be ready. I’m sorry, what’s your name?”

“Thank you so much,” you say bowing, quickly telling him your name. So caught up in the kindness of these peers, you almost forgot why you were so reluctant to come here in the first place, but no worries, this receptionist does a good job of reminding you.

His lips press into a thin line as raises a brow, asking you to repeat your last name again. When your answer slips from your lips, it’s much quieter. A heavy cloud sinks over you as you realize that even after years away, your family name is still tainted.

“Okay,” the receptionist finally says briskly, and you’re taken aback by how cold his voice has become. “I’ll let him know you’re coming down. You can proceed now.”

He doesn’t give you a ‘good luck,’ or a ‘have a nice day,’ or a ‘do you have any questions,’ despite his cheery attitude from before. Now he’s looking at you with an expressionless face and eyes that won’t meet yours as you shamefully turn away.

So caught up in the disappointment, you hardly notice how the other man—Seokmin—is still watching the scene unfold. As you walk away from the open room, there’s a hand on your wrist. Whipping around, you’re faced with a Seokmin whose face seems unreadable, just like the receptionists. Except something is … different. He seems sincere, and you feel safe.

“You might get lost trying to get there,” Seokmin says rather casually, letting go of your hand and walking next to you. “Come on, I’ll show you the way—I’m working under Mr. Park too actually, I’m his intern—so I know the way pretty well and can fill you in on what he’s like.”

You wonder why Seokmin isn’t acting like the receptionist. Your family name is still somewhat taboo in the city outside the castle, so you were pretty confident when walking into the actual place of the ‘crime scene’ that you’d be even more … generally disliked.

Seokmin seems to be different though, and you can’t quite figure out why.

Seokmin lets you know Mr. Park is mean when he wants, which seems to be always. Direct with his words but also, you have to read in between the lines sometimes if you don’t want to get scolded. You’re not sure what to do with that information, because Seokmin doesn’t tell you much else.

You walk down the corridor with him before stopping in front of a wooden door to your right, labeled with that familiar sun emblem and a golden plated plaque reading ‘77.’ “C’mon, he should be in here right now,” Seokmin says, pressing against the frame and pushing the door open.

Inside is a room unlike the others you’ve seen before. The ceiling is much lower and baskets of plants hang from it, vines lining the limestone walls, and pots and beds of plants sit by the smaller desks that litter the area. There’s a larger desk at the end opposite to the door, and you see a man with grey hair and firm eyes sitting at the ornate chair, reading through a stack of papers.

“Ah, Seokmin,” he says, standing up when he notices the two of you by the door, and it’s not you realize that this man is Mr. Park. Both you and Seokmin bow hastily. “I was waiting for the two of you to arrive.” His gaze then turns to you, and it’s sharp. “What took you so long?” His tone is harsh and you almost wince. “It isn’t your first time in the castle,” Mr. Park says bluntly, and for once you are taken aback because no one has addressed the cloud hanging over your head so directly yet.

“I’m sorry sir, I haven’t been here in—”

“No excuses. Don’t be late again.”

“Y-yes sir,” you reply meekly, faltering in your step a little.

Mr. Park sighs heavily and looks at Seokmin, waving him off. “Go to the Ballroom and ask around to see if they need anything for tonight. Don’t be slow like last time.”

“Yes sir! Right on it,” Seokmin says with a nod, quickly turning on his heel and scurrying out of the room.

“And for you …” Mr. Park mutters as he takes in your figure with an unnerving look on his face. “I need you to lead a project.”

Your eyes bulge out of your head. “Lead a project? I don’t even know what—”

“Word has it that the Prince himself had to bribe you with a whole four years of Hong tuition to get you here. Surely you didn’t think you’d be given light work.” people knew about that?

“Well, I didn’t know much about anything and I don’t even know what work I’m supposed—”

“You’ll figure it out, soon enough,” Mr. Park tells you briskly, walking over to his desk where a large chalkboard sits to its left. Using a stick, he points at a word written in a corner. Garden. “The Queen has a courtyard that she no longer likes the look of. It’s been stripped down, and you’re in charge of turning it into a garden of her liking.”

You knit your eyebrows together. “A-a whole courtyard?”

Mr. Park raises a brow. “Are you saying that it’s too much for you?”

“N-no!” you exclaim quickly. “I’m just surprised, that’s all. I don’t get why I would be chosen to do this.”

Mr. Park huffs, and you wonder how such a tiny old man can fit so much sass in him. “If you must know: the Queen loved how your …” he pauses and within a fraction of a second you have a feeling where this is going, “… your mother designed the gardens on the West end.”

Mr. Park walks towards his desk and sits down, not looking at you as he cards through a few binders. “The Queen wants a similar style for this courtyard but since we can’t exactly have her back …”

You wince for real this time as you conclude, “… you tried to get the next closest thing.”

Mr. Park nods, not returning a snarky comment this time, much to your pleasure. “I’m the head of Design & Architecture, by the way, if you have any questions ask me—as long as it’s not stupid. You lead your project—design it and plan it. When you need people to work on it just talk to Seokmin and he’ll assign someone. You have three months to finish it. If you need an extension, you’ll have to get it approved by me.”

“Okay,” you respond quickly, trying to take in all the information at once. “Is there, like, a theme? Anything she wants in particular?”

“That’s a stupid question,” Mr. Park says bluntly and you frown as he points at a desk behind you. “Your desk is there. Any information you need will be there.”

“Y-yes sir, thank you,” you say, bowing and turning on your heel to sit down at your new chair. The desk is dark, wooden, and completely barren except for a thin folder set in the middle. Opening it, there’s a single paper inside with only a few bullet points typed out, and it hardly takes you a moment to read through all of it.

It’s vague—your only real requirements are the adherence to the kingdom’s symbolic purple colors, and inclusion of a general theme throughout the courtyard.

You furrow your eyebrows at the lack of guidance—were you really left to make such major decisions about such a large space in a castle you haven’t been in years? There’s so much room for error and disappointment and rejection, and after the past years of being treated like your family was nothing but a mistake, you aren’t sure if you can handle any more of it.

Closing your eyes, you absentmindedly nod to yourself in a silent promise. Closing the folder, you stand up. “Mr. Park, sir, do you know where the courtyard—”

“There is a map on the wall. Figure it out.”

You huff, glancing at the large map of the castle next to the chalkboard. This is going to be harder than you thought.

You run into Seokmin just as you leave 77, and he helps lead you to the courtyard. “So you’re working on this one, huh,” he says under his breath as you both appear in front of a large plot of land surrounded by castle buildings on all sides. You’re both standing on the East entrance to the courtyard, and there are four adjacent and opposite entrances on all other sides.

“Uh, yeah,” you say steadily, glancing back down at your minimal instructions before looking back up at the courtyard. It’s a square, and if you had to estimate, each side would be around 50 yards long, leaving quite a great deal of space for you to work with it.

“Pretty big project, huh,” Seokmin says, although his tone seems much more lighthearted than your mood. How the hell are you supposed to transform this in three months?

“Yeah,” you mutter, squinting at the bright sunlight as you analyze the plot.

“You know, I can totally help if you want,” Seokmin begins to say, and you take note of how quickly he talks. “I don’t know if Mr. Park told you but you can basically ask me for help on anything and like, I’m really doing this whole interning thing for fun—” Who the hell works as an intern for Mr. Park, for fun? “—so I’d be happy to help.”

“Thanks. I’ll ask if I need anything.”

“Great!” Seokmin cheers, clapping his hands together before looking behind your shoulder and letting his smile brighten. He waves at someone behind you and you purse your lips together, wondering if you should brace yourself for yet another salty interaction.

“Minnie!” a deep voice greets and suddenly, your feet seem glued in their spot. You know that voice.

“Shua, hey!” Seokmin says cheerily, and you silently cringe. “Crazy running into you here, gosh, I haven’t seen you since last week!”

Prince Joshua laughs, and it reminds you of all those years ago when you watched him from inside the greenhouse. You hate how you remember.

“Yeah, my fencing instructor let me off earlier so I thought I might browse around the castle for a bit,” he explains, and when it all goes quiet and you realize that he must be looking at you, but you don’t dare to turn around.

“Oh,” Seokmin exclaims, as if he’s just realized that he forgot something. You feel a tapping on your shoulder, and for a second you debate just running the other way and never letting yourself return to the castle but for something, you’re planted in your place. “Hey, look,” he says quietly in your ear, “It’s the Prince.”

Like you don’t fucking know that. Nodding, you slowly follow his lead and turn around, eyes trained on the ground as you bow.

“Oh, well if it isn’t that little ray of sunshine,” Prince Joshua says, and it takes everything to not let your eye twitch as you finally look up at him. He’s wearing the same royal uniform you say to him when you showed up on his doorstep and his eyes are crinkled as he smiles widely.

Your face burns as Seokmin’s eyes flicker back and forth between you, and your lips are pressed together in an awkward silence. “You know each other?” His face displays nothing but perplexion for a few moments but then it seems that some of the cogs turned and his lips open wide into a large ‘o,’ and Seokmin waves his finger while nodding. “Oh you’re the girl Shua said he had to offer four years worth of—”

“Seokmin,” Prince Joshua interrupts, putting his hand over his friend’s mouth after catching the look of mortification on your face for bringing it up. “Mr. Park was calling you, I’m pretty sure.”

“Ugh, are you kidding me? I thought this would be fun for the summer but he actually has me doing stuff!” As the two converse casually, you wonder how hard it’d be to quickly slip away.

“Not sure what you expected,” Joshua chides his friend before Seokmin groans and you hear the heavy footsteps of him walking away. He calls out your name once and your eyes shoot up as you bashfully wave your hand at him, bidding goodbye.

You’re left in this corridor with the empty thoughts in your head and the goddamn prince of the kingdom. You half expect him to just wave at you and go about his own business, but it seems like you still have a lot of learning to do.

After all, Prince Joshua is a fickle man. “It’s nice to see you again, Sunshine,” he greets, and you think you might pass out from embarrassment. Glancing around, you see a few maids overhear him using the name and murmuring their own whispers amongst themselves as they rush away.

“H-hi,” you say nervously, suddenly aware that much attention is on you now that the prince is speaking to you.

“So this is what you’re working on?” he asks curiously, not paying a single mind to your awkwardness, walking toward the door which leads to the East entrance to the courtyard.

“Yes sir,” you murmur. You could be snappish outside the walls and in the boundaries of your own home but here, you’re bound by royal courtesy and witnesses that surround you. Compliance is all you can manage out in the open.

“Don’t call me sir—you’re around the same age as me, so it feels weird,” Joshua says dismissively, and you furrow your brows at how casual he’s being. “So,” he starts, looking out at the empty yard of dirt, “you got any idea of what you’re going to do with it?”

“Not a clue,” you reply honestly, keeping your answers brisk. Joshua seems to catch on and he pouts at you. How can a man act so childish? The thought lingers in your head for a moment before he starts talking to you.

“So cold. Brighten up Sunshine. I’ll stop in soon to see how it’s going here—I’m interested!” he says cheerily before stepping back and nodding. You bow as he walks away, waving to you one last time before leaving you in the corridor with not a single thought in his mind.

There seems to be a distinct odd air around the prince, except you can’t quite place why that is.

It’s been three weeks since you started working at the castle—time passes quickly when you have loads of work to do and not much time to do it. You spent the first week hunched over at your desk simply raking your mind for ideas, for anything that would give you even a smidge of inspiration.

77 is rather sparse. It’s only really you and Mr. Park actually working in there, with the occasional Seokmin running in and out to tend to everyone’s miniscule needs.

And then there’s Jihoon, who is the only other person who actually works at his desk, even if it’s only for an hour a day. Jihoon is slightly brooding and always has his nose buried in some work, but he seems standoff-ish to just about everyone. He isn’t unkind though, just … just reserved, and you feel thankful that there’s another person somewhat like you here.

77 is kind to you and your heart. Everyone works on their own schedule and is in their own head, and no one seems to treat you extraordinarily different. You wish the same would go for the rest of the castle.

On the second day of your work, the embroidered name on the fabric over your right breast was clear enough for people to start learning who you were and recognize your face.

But you’re used to the stares—both the subtle and obvious ones—and you are used to the whispers, the guessing games about whether or not you’re a slut just like your mother was.

You’re not, by the way, but you’ve had enough experience with these kinds of people to know that they can guess all they want but you know the answer, and the truth will come to light at some point. You don’t have to prove yourself to anyone, they'll figure it out on their own. Eventually.

By the second week, you figured out a plan and needed to get to work on executing it. Seokmin seemed to be pleased when you asked him for help on that.

“I need people who can build a pathway,” was all you needed to tell him and then he was on the phone, and then the next day you had ten men ready for you by the dirt field ready to work. “I want stone tiles and it needs to curve exactly like this,” you told them, showing them a scaled down map of the area with a long, curvy line running from the North to South ends, and another even more curvy one running from the East to West end.

They didn’t ask questions, which you’re grateful for, because coming up with it was a whole feat on its own. Explaining it would be a whole other story.

As you walk up to the castle’s entrance today, you catch sight of a girl who sits in her little hut in front of the East gate. She’s the same girl who helped you on the first day, you realize. She was kind then, you remember, but now as you meet her gaze, she turns away and pretends to go back to her phone.

You don’t frown or let the gesture sear your heart because in all honesty, that’s exactly what you’re expecting. Sighing, you make your way to the smaller gate and walk the small way up to the actual castle grounds before heading straight to 77.

Jihoon is sitting at his desk but is just about to get up, sending you a quick nod as he stacks his files and walks out of the room. Mr. Park isn’t here, for once, although you did overhear some information about a ball happening tonight so you figure he must be busy.

You’re thankful Seokmin is here, and you catch him watering one of the plants. “Hey, what are you doing?” you ask him hastily, walking up behind his back before grabbing the watering pot from his hands.

“Um … watering … the plants?”

“These are yarrows,” you emphasize, pointing at the white flowers he was just watering.

“Okay … I am really not sure what to do with that information,” Seokmin says slowly as if he isn’t quite processing your words.

Huffing, you tell him, “Yarrows don’t need a lot of water. You aren’t watering them … I think a better word would be drowning.”

“Oh,” Seokmin mutters, looking down at that pot that’s now rich with soaked soil. “Sorry, I, uh, didn’t know,” he apologizes, and you purse your lips together because he does sound sincere.

“It’s okay … sorry for being mean about it,” you add quietly, returning the pot to his hand. “I can send you a list later—of all the plants here and how much water they need.”

Seokmin’s ears perk up. “Really? Thank you, but you seriously don’t have to, you know.”

“I know, but I enjoy talking about plants and stuff. And I’d rather the ones in this room be taken care of nicely, so the least I can do is help you,” you offer before retreating to your desk. “I think I need your help by the way, so can you come with me?” you ask, pulling out a measuring tape from a drawer.

Seokmin nods, dropping the watering bucket by his own desk and following behind you as you leave the room. The journey from the Advisory Quart to your courtyard, which is located near Royal Residence Quart, is quite the walk, and you’d be lying if you said you weren’t a little bit pleased that you had someone like Seokmin as company.

“How’s the project turning out?” he asks as you make your way down the long hallways. You catch a few other workers spare the two of you glances and you try to hold your head up and look forward when you respond.

“I’m a little behind,” you admit. “But the construction manager told me that they should be finished with the pathway today, and I asked them to start tilling some other parts of the field so I can get some flora in there soon.”

“Oh really That’s nice—I stopped by the place just the other day and the pathway was looking pretty cool—the color fit in really well.”

“Hm, that’s good … I was worried about that,” you murmur to yourself thoughtfully, pulling out your phone so you can glance at the list of things you need to get done before heading back to 77. Tucking the device back into a crevice of your robe, you smile as you near the East end courtyard entrance. “I gotta get a plaque up here or something,” you remind yourself, looking at the empty space above the entrance.

“You want me to get on that soon?” Seokmin offers and you shrug.

“I guess. I’ll still have to come up with a name for this place …” you say, walking into the courtyard.

“Wow,” Seokmin mutters as he follows behind you. “The pathway looks great!” He pats your back and you throw him a small smile when you look over the two twisting paths that connect the 4 ends of the courtyard. “What was it that you needed my help with again—Oh hey! Shua!”

Oh for fuck’s sake—

“Seokminnie!” that familiar, smooth voice appears from behind you as Seokmin turns on his heel and scurries toward his friend. Slowly and carefully, you tuck your hands behind your back and bow when you turn around and are met with the sight of Prince Joshua. “Sunshine,” he greets with a smile after exchanging his casual pleasantries with his friend.

“Good morning sir,” you murmur as Seokmin bounces up and down on feet from a newfound excitement. How does he have this much energy at nine in the morning?

“I thought I said don’t call me sir,” Prince Joshua tells you, scrunching his face up when you let the word slip from your mouth. “Feels weird.”

“I’m sorry but you’re kind of the prince. I don’t think there’s anything else for me to call you other than ‘sir,’” you huff lowly before slapping a hand over your mouth. You’re not scared of what Joshua might do, per se, but the thought of someone else overhearing your snarky remark has you reminding yourself to be more careful.

Joshua only chuckles. Is there anything that bothers him? “You’re funny,” he comments. “You can call me Joshua, like Minne over here,” he tells you, patting Seokmin’s shoulder affectionately.

Your face sours and you shake your head, “I’m sorry that doesn’t feel right.”

Joshua rolls his eyes playfully, choosing to ignore what you said and instead looks around the courtyard. “Nice pathway. It’s cool that it isn’t straight—is it supposed to be something?”

“Sort of,” you say, turning around to look at the stone on the ground. “It’s confusing.”

Joshua scoffs. “Try me.”

You furrow your eyebrows. Why Prince Joshua—or as he would like you to call him, just Joshua—is so curious about a random courtyard is beyond you. “They’re just lines that follow the movement of sunlight. I guess. I don’t really know how to explain it.”

“That’s cool,” Seokmin chimes in when he sees you pulling out a roll of measuring tape. “Oh yeah, sorry, I didn’t get to hear what you said you needed help with.”

“Oh yeah, I just want to measure a—”

“Sorry for interrupting,” Joshua says, and you frown when he pulls out a buzzing phone, holding it up to Seokmin’s face. “What did you do this time—why is Mr. Park calling me?”

Seokmin’s eyes widen in panic as you watch the scene unfold. “What?! I haven’t done anything wrong recently. Well I don’t think I did and I’m pretty sure—”

He’s cut off by Joshua pressing his finger over his lip, effectively shutting him up. You almost laugh at the way Seokmin complies so quickly, but hold it back as Joshua holds the phone up to his ear. The sounds that come from the call are muffled but you can vaguely make out the voice of your boss before Joshua sighs and ends the call.

“What are yarrows and what did you do to them?” he asks his friend, and this time you actually do stifle out a giggle. Joshua glances at you as you quickly press your lips back into a fine line, both of you turning your attention back to Seokmin whose ears are turning bright red, shoulders tensing up.

“Oh no—I really don’t want another scolding!” he whines.

“Well buckle up, because he’s asking for you back at 77 right now,” Joshua shrugs as Seokmin huffs, stomping off back into the corridor and presumably back toward the Advisory Quart. “Sorry,” he says, turning to you, “I keep sending your assistant away when you need him.”

“It’s fine,” you say gruffly. “I, uh, I can still do this all by my stuff so it’s not really a big deal.”

Joshua narrows his eyes. “Are you sure? I don’t have fencing for another …” He glances down at his star studded wrist watch for a second, “… thirty minutes so I can help out.”

To say you’re mortified by the offer is an understatement. A prince helping out you? He must be fucking with you because—

“Stop giving me weird looks. I know how to help out around here, you know?”

“Duly noted, but I’m not sure how it would look on my end if the prince was helping me out with—” you gesture to the field around you, “—yard work.”

Joshua laughs, and once again you’re left in perplexity. “Weren’t you the one who reminded me that this is the 21st century? I don’t just sit around and do nothing, you know that right?”

“But still,” you mumble.

“Okay fine. If you’re so obsessed with this royal hierarchy thing, then I, as Prince Joshua, am officially requesting you to let me help. Surely you won’t turn that down.”

This man is so weird.

“Fine,” you relent, holding up the measuring tape. “You see that little circle in the middle where the pathways sort of curve around? I need to measure the circumference of it.”

“That’s it?” Joshua asks casually, grabbing one end of the measuring tape as you make your way to the plot. “Oh, I mean I guess it’s kinda big,” he adds, glancing down at the measuring tape. This one only goes up to 15 feet.”

“You’re right,” you mutter to yourself. “Okay here, let’s just use this,” you say, pulling out a roll of thin string and handing one end to Joshua. “If you stand here I’ll just circle it around and measure the length of the string,” you explain, unraveling the roll and walking around the outer edge of the circle, trailing the string behind you.

Joshua just stands in the spot that you placed him, holding the string and frowning. “I feel like I’m not helping much.”

“Trust me,” you reply under your breath. “You’re helping me just enough.” You don’t mean it to come out bitter, but it does anyways.

“What happened to all the royal hierarchy stuff that you were on about?”

Your eyes harden on him as you’ve made it halfway around the length of the circle, pausing to make sure he notices your subtle glare. “If you didn’t know, this is kind of my job on the line, and while you’ve made it clear that what I say doesn’t affect you, I’m not sure the same could be said for what other people see. So I’m sorry if I don’t want people looking at us and getting the wrong idea.”

“What do you mean the wrong idea?”

Huh. And here you thought that with all those royal tutors, the prince would be smart. Too bad for Joshua, but right now, he’s coming off as just about the densest guy alive.

You’ve been working at the castle for five weeks now. Since your last meeting with Joshua (he insists you get rid of the ‘Prince’ and ‘sir’ so diligently now that even in your head, you’ve removed him of those honorifics), you’ve only seen him twice.

The first was three days after he helped you measure the length of your soon to be pond. You were on the phone with a construction contractor in 77 when Joshua popped in to say ‘hi’ to Seokmin (how and why the two are friends, you don’t know, and you don’t care enough to ask). Noticing you were here past the regular working hour of six, he waited for a few moments to let you finish up your call before walking up to your desk.

“You know you don’t get paid overtime, right Sunshine?” he asks, confused on why exactly you were still here.

“Well work needs to get done,” you sigh heavily, taking a few seconds to clean up your desk and throw away a few old designs you sketched earlier.

“Hey, those looked cool, why’d you trash them?”

“They didn’t work,” you tell him, rummaging through more papers to find the few that you actually wanted to keep.

“Told you,” Seokmin comes up from behind Joshua, patting his shoulder. “She’s a tough judge—even on herself.”

“I get what you mean now,” Joshua murmurs, nodding along with his friend.

Your eyes snap up. “Why are you talking about me as if I’m not here—wait, why do you guys talk about me when I’m not here anyways?”

“You’re like the only one that’s nice to me in 77! Well, sort of,” Seokmin reasons with you.

“I mean you do kind of suck as an intern—”

“Hey! I just happened to get distracted a lot. I’m an honest worker, trust!”

You huff, finally finding the paper that you were looking for. It’s a design for a couple plaques that you want posted above the entrances, and you tuck it into a folder.

“Is that in Latin?” Joshua piques when he catches a glimpse of the wording.

“Uh, yeah—you know Latin?”

“He’s a prince. Of course he does,” Seokmin tells you, turning around to nudge his friend on the side. “This spoiled brat has been learning Latin since he was six!”

Joshua scoffs. “Who’re you calling a spoiled brat? You were in those classes with me too!”

You consider wondering about who exactly Seokmin is and why he was in those classes with a prince, why he’s so close with Joshua, and a plethora of questions run through your mind, before you remind yourself that you really don’t care.

“Yeah but—” Seokmin tries to reason with his friend before you stand up and both of their attention are directed at you.

“You’re right Pri—Joshua. I don’t get paid overtime, so I’m gonna get going now.” You bow at him and then Seokmin, grabbing your folder and bag before pushing in your chair and heading to the exit. Awkwardly, the two boys say bye to you before glancing at each other.

“That was weird,” Seokmin says, and Joshua shrugs.

“I guess.”

“Did you actually understand what she wrote or were you just bluffing? I don’t remember shit from those Latin lessons.”

Joshua rolls his eyes and nods. “Yeah, but I only got the second word. Said ‘invictus,’ I think.”

“Huh, cool. Got no clue what that means.”

“It means undefeatable, dipshit,” Joshua groans. “Seriously, how’d you pass that class!”

“Hey, I was a great student—I just have, uh, bad memory,” Seokmin pouts.

“Yeah I can tell … seriously, how did you manage to fuck up the yarrows even after she,” Joshua gestures behind him as if to point at where you exited just a few moments earlier, “sent you all those instructions and all!”

“God, don’t remind me. I actually feel really bad, ‘cause Mr. Park yelled at her too for giving me ‘the wrong instructions,’ but I really just forgot what she told me.” Cringing at the mental image of both you and Seokmin being scolded by Mr. Park, Joshua shakes his head—that is not a pretty scene.

Joshua sighs, the two of them making their way out of the empty 77 and walking down the corridor towards the Royal Residence Quart. “Why’re you even interning for him? You don’t need a job, especially not as one being an assistant.”

“My dad’s pissed at me, remember?” Seokmin tells his friend gruffly, and Joshua purses his lips at the mention of the older man.

“Right.”

“Wanted to punish me for the summer or whatever, but I guess it’s not too bad. The staff are actually pretty funny, and your Sunshine girl is really bossy so she gives me a lot of work to do.”

“I can’t tell if you’re complaining or celebrating.”

“Both, I think,” Seokmin replies, the two of them laughing together. “Why do you talk to her so much? She’s even snappier to you than to me, and trust me, I can be pretty damn annoying.”

“Like I don’t know that,” Joshua mutters teasingly, earning him a punch on the arm. “But anyways, she seems interesting. Like cool, you know what I mean.”

“I guess,” Seokmin says absentmindedly. “Wonder what my dad would say about that.”

“Okay well your dad isn’t the King so I don’t really think it matters what your dad says about it.”

Seokmin raises a brow. “You sure? My dad almost had me transferred out of 77 because he heard I had to work with her.”

“Well that’s his own problem I guess. Just don’t let him bring it up with my dad because I’m not keen on having any more drama in this castle,” Joshua mumbles, stopping in front of the big door that leads to the residence.

Seokmin nods at one of the guards standing by the door, and she presses a code to a small box on the wall and the doors open. “You coming? Dinner’s about to be served,” he calls to Joshua when he walks forward but realizes his friend isn’t by his side.

Smiling, Joshua shakes his head and waves Seokmin off. “I’m gonna take a breather for a bit. Tell them to start dinner without me.”

Seokmin laughs. “You know they won’t do that.”

“I know, I know, but it’s the gesture that counts anyways. I’ll be back in twenty, trust.”

The second time you saw Joshua was yesterday evening just as you were just leaving 77 to head home, your arms full of papers to look through in the night. After getting the pathways cleaned up, you needed to work on adding more structures to the courtyard, but were at a loss of what to make and what to make it with.

With your stack of papers that were littered with different possible materials and architectural structures that you promised yourself to get through by the end of the night, even if it meant pulling a whole damn all nighter.

“Is Sunshine leaving at a normal time for once?” Joshua asks with a faux gasp as he comes across you in the hallway.

With the paper’s digging into your arms, you can only manage to grunt out a short, “Thankfully, I am,” before increasing your pace so you can get all this stuff to your car as quickly as possible.

“Hey, wait!” Joshua calls out from behind you, and you almost whine because your arms are killing you and you aren’t sure how much more of this you can handle. “Do you need help? I can—”

He’s cut off by the sound of your phone slipping from your pocket and crashing to the ground. “Shit,” you whimper under your breath as you try to balance all the papers on one hand while crouching down to pick up your phone with the other. You’re wobbling under all the weight, and you have half a mind to give up right here and now but then a larger hand is pushing itself into your vision.

“Here,” he says, quickly turning over the device to check for any cracks on the scene. In that fraction of a moment, your phone turns on and flashes your very bright and very embarrassing lock screen. Your face burns as you snatch the phone from his hands and tuck it back into your pocket. “Is that Percy Jackson?”

Adjusting the papers in your hand, you shuffle your feet and start walking toward the exit. Joshua follows, as expected. “Uh, yeah—I know it’s embarrassing but—”

“Uh, you did not just say that,” Joshua scoffs, and when you catch the oddly offended look on his face, your annoyance dissipates for a moment. “Percy Jackson is not embarrassing. Those books were like the defining character of my pre-teens.”

You chew on your lip, wondering how you should respond to this. “That’s cool. I used to like the stories too …”

“Seems like you still do, considering it’s like, your lock screen and all.”

“Look, I just have it ‘cause it looks cool,” you tell him bashfully, speeding up the pace of your steps in hopes that it’ll bring this conversation to end faster.

“Uh yeah, sure. Totally believe you.”

“I’m serious,” you huff. “I liked the books ages ago, but now I’m only interested in Greek mythology. It just so happens that the best art of Greek gods comes from Percy Jackson fan artists.”

“Sure. sure,” Joshua says blankly with a smirk teasing at his lips. “Again, totally believe you.” You don’t know why his subtle teasing has you gripping onto your papers so tightly, why it has you gritting your teeth together. And then you remember who this is and it all makes sense.

Joshua is playful and lighthearted, but he is still the Prince, after all.

Your sixth week at the castle, and you’re nearing the halfway mark for your project’s timeline. You’ve spent the past week working on getting some stone benches built into the courtyard, and just this morning you sent in an order to get some plaques engraved.

Mr. Park stopped by when you were checking out your progress earlier, glancing at the pathways and the nearly completed seating. He didn’t say anything, simply nodding and walking along, and you figure that that’s the best you’ll get from him.

Your day goes by fine, for the most part after that. When you take your lunch break at the cafeteria, Seokmin tags along and you’re pleased that for once, you won’t have to eat alone. He has to leave soon after though—apparently Jihoon called for his help, and so you’re left to take care of this afternoon’s work by yourself.

Not that you mind—people let you be in the castle, and it’s actually quite nice for getting work done. When you return to 77, it’s only occupied by Mr. Park who, as always, pays no mind to you. Taking a look at your schedule, you aren’t sure if you feel like smiling or frowning when you see your next activity lined up.

Visiting the greenhouse.

There’s an odd feeling that blooms in your stomach as you walk there. You haven’t been to this side of this castle yet, partly because you don’t need to, but mostly because you don’t want to.

It’s when you leave the walls and take your way out to the Northeastern gardens of the palace that the pathways start ringing bells in your head. The familiar green bushes that you remember your mother tending to. The fields of daffodils, and the little built in canals that lead toward the row of greenhouses—it’s all flooding back to you, and you can’t figure out if you like it or not.

When you first came to the castle, you figured that you could avoid confronting the remnants of your past, but you should’ve known that everything eventually goes full circle.

Which is how you find yourself standing in front of the greenhouse where everything—your life, your mother’s life, all of it—ended on that day over ten long years ago.

Taking a deep breath, you go up to the door of the largest greenhouse ,tentatively tapping on the blurry glass before pushing it open. Peeking inside, you’re met with the familiar sight of flora arranged in neat lines of soil beds.

As you step in, the air is moist and stuffy—when you inhale, you’re reminded of those early Saturday mornings where you sat by your mother’s desk and watched her tend to the plants. The humidity was usually uncomfortable, but you learned to love it. Right now, you learn how much you missed it.

“Can I help you?” a gruff voice interrupts your thoughts, and you whip your head around to find an elderly woman glaring up at you.

“Hi, I called earlier and you said I could take some of the hyacinths. I just wanted to ask which greenhouse they’d be in because—”

“31C,” she says bluntly, immediately turning back around to tend to whatever she was doing earlier.

You watch her for a few seconds blankly, before snapping out of your haze, “O-okay, thank you.” Pursing your lips, you let your head hang low as you start walking toward the door.

“That damned slut,” the woman mutters quietly. You don’t think you want to hear it, but you continue to listen anyway. “Thinks she can just send her daughter over and—”

“And?”

You don’t think you’ve ever been more happy to hear Joshua’s voice.

Looking up, he’s just entered through the entrance you were about to exit through, and while you would usually mull over the possible reasons he would be here, you’re far more focused on watching the bewildered look on this woman’s face

“Nothing sir!” she replies quickly, back straightened as she presses her hands behind her back. 

“Good to hear,” he says simply. You watch from the side as Joshua gives her a look that you can’t really gauge before turning to you with a brighter look on his face. “Seokmin told me I would find you here?”

“I—yeah, he was right.”

“Well I can see that Sunshine,” Joshua chuckles and waves your hand in a gesture to follow him. You don’t have any other choice than to follow him out the greenhouse and into the much freer, lighter air. “What’re you doing here anyways?” he asks when you start finding your way to 31C.

“I need to look at some flowers.” Joshua asks you quite a bit about the courtyard, and although you don’t really get it, you’ve learned that it’s easier to just reply to his questions honestly than try to avoid them.

“For the courtyard?” he piques as you finally find the smaller greenhouse, opening the door to thankfully find it empty of anyone else.

Your gaze lands on a bed of hyacinths as you reply, “What else?”

“Okay, you need to stop answering all of my questions like I’m stupid.”

Huffing, you pull up a pot from under the bed and fill it up with soil before digging your hands into the dirt around one of the hyacinth plants. Your fingers search under the earth before feeling against the roots and carefully pulling out the plant.

“Maybe stop asking stupid questions then,” you suggest.

“Seeing as you think I’m dumb … do you want to tutor me?”

“What?” you deadpan, looking up at him with your hands still in the dirt. “Why?”

“I mean like, you’re smart and all, plus we get along—”

You click your tongue, finally pulling the plant out of the soil and pressing it into the pot. “Not so sure about that second part.”

“Okay well we have some shared interests and stuff—”

“Like?” you counter, walking over to a sink so you can wash the excess soil off.

“Percy Jackson. Greek mythology?”

Your ears perk up at that. “You like Greek mythology?”

“Yes! See! That’s like, already two common interests, Sunshine.”

“More like only two. And one of them is a book series I haven’t read in about nine years so I’m not even sure it counts,” you rebut.

“Oh no, it definitely counts,” Joshua counters, watching you pick up the flower pot and head towards the greenhouse exit. “Wait, we’re diverting from the point here.”

“What is the point again?”

“You need to tutor me!” he whines as he follows behind you, up the pathway back to the castle.

“I need to? Uh, sorry, but I don’t think tutoring the Prince is under my job description.”

“This is a different job though!”

You knit your eyebrows together. “Am I getting paid?”

“You might,” Joshua smirks. “I’ll pay you by the hour.”

Pondering, you chew on the inside of your cheek, before you finally respond, “How much are we talking?”

Joshua grins, shaking his head. “Should’ve known money was the way to your heart Sunshine.”

“Money is not the way to my heart. It’s just the way to get me to tutor you. Don’t mix those two up.”

“Don’t worry Sunshine, I wish you all the best in finding your sugar daddy husband eventually.”

Glaring, you chastise him. “Joshua!”

“Why did you ask me to do this again?” you ask, stepping into the room Joshua has just led you to. It’s near the Royal Residence Quart of the castle, and you’re a bit on edge. Joshua assured you earlier that no one would question why you of all people would be here with him, but you’ve also noticed that the boy can be a bit distant from reality.

“Because,” Joshua starts, watching you look around the room (it is a very nice room; bookshelves line the walls and there’s a grand desk in the middle, a rolling chalkboard on one end and a vintage map on another rolling board scattered off to another end). “I don’t like the royal tutor they have, and you’re smart,” he says casually.

“You can’t ask for another one?” you murmur, raising a brow as he moves to the desk and hands you a folder.

“I could, but my mother would get upset if I keep running through them. I’ve changed my tutors far too many times by now.”

“Ah,” you say dryly. “The extreme difficulties of the royalty. How unfortunate.”

“Sunshine,” Joshua grins, ignoring your snarky comment. “Can you at least pretend you want to be here?”

“Um, I’ll think about it,” you reply honestly, pursing your lips together as you glance at his chalkboard which has a list of things he needs to go over. “What is it that you need help on?”

“Well I’m good at math and stuff but Literature and Chemistry are quite literally killing me,” Joshua says with a sigh, sitting down at his desk.

“Literature?” you ask with narrowed eyes. “You’re the Prince—isn’t Literature supposed to be like, I don’t know, your forte?”

“Who told you that?” Joshua asks with a pout, pulling up a packet of papers and letting it down on his desk with a thud.

“I don’t know, I guess I just assumed they’d be having you read Machiavelli or something like that from the age of two.”

Joshua scoffs, holding up the book so you can read out the title. Oh, it’s The Waste Land. “Okay I get that this is a kingdom and all but seriously, who even uses Machiavellianism anymore? That’s from like six hundred years ago.”

“Less than that,” you correct, but shrug anyways and sit down at the chair on the other side of his desk. “But whatever, you need help with The Waste Land?”

“I mean, yeah I’ve read it a bunch but I just never get it and my mom is obsessed with it for some reason and I really don’t want her to make me sit through another read of it so I really need to write up something good on it that will satisfy my Literature instructor and my mom so I can get it out of the way.”

“A paper?”

“Yeah, you know: analyzing themes and stuff.”

“Okay I know what a paper is,” you snap and Joshua rolls his eyes.

“Look now you’re just picking fights over everything I say. Just relax and—”

“I am relaxed,” you huff, but the tension in your shoulders says otherwise. To be honest, you’re still not sure why Joshua decided to choose you of all people, as if you haven’t made it clear multiple times that you weren’t his biggest fan.

You can respect the effort, you guess, but the way he seems so unbothered by your snarkiness is getting a little bit irritating.

“Whatever you say Sunshine,” Joshua says with a shrug, turning the packet and handing it to you. The poem is littered with annotations, underlines, and highlighter marks all over, and you squint for a moment trying to remind yourself of what you remember from the last time you looked at the work. “You read it before? The Waste Land?”

“Uh, yeah, ages ago though. Like back in high school,” murmur, flipping through the pages to jog your memory.

“Why were you reading The Waste Land in high school? Seems like too much, no?”

“Well not everyone was granted the freedom to do as they please with whoever they please,” you tell him, eyes flickering between Joshua’s curious face and the packet in front of you.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Joshua asks, and his voice is slightly whiny.

“It means that people didn’t want to talk to me so I had to spend my time reading. Even if it was ‘too much,’ or whatever you said.”

“Oh,” Joshua’s voice is quiet. See, you remind yourself, clouded from reality is what Joshua is. “Well I—”

“Forget it. I think I’m going to have to go home and reread The Waste Land if you want me to be of any help. What else do you have to work on, or do you just want to do Chemistry?”

“Uh, sure we can move onto Chemistry,” Joshua replies hastily, tucking the paper back into his folder haphazardly before shoving it into a drawer and pulling out a much thicker notebook. “I kinda need help with a lot of it. Like—I’m sorry I just don’t get it—what the hell is an electrophile and a nucleophiles and why the hell I need to know them for alkanes and—”

“Slow down,” you say, sticking your hand out. You grab the notebook from his desk and skip over the contents before looking back up. “If you want me to do this for you, we’re going to have to start from the basics, okay?”

Joshua gives you a look which tells you he doesn’t think he needs to do that, but you open the notebook to a new page, pulling out a pen. Begrudgingly, he nods and leans his head in to see what you’re writing.

He’s oddly compliant when you ask him to be, despite his jumpy and bubbly personality, and for a fraction of a second, you wonder about his potential. Quickly, you push that thought out of your mind.

It’s late afternoon when you reach the courtyard, smiling at the progress. You told the workers to get started on digging up the pond this morning, and you’re pleased to see that there’s already a large dugout in the century.

“Good work!” you chirp to Jungho, the contractor you talked to over the phone. He seemed nice enough over the phone, but you soon realized within the first time that you two met in person that he was just as standoff-ish as the rest. “But we’re going to need to get the insides patted down and compressed so when we put the water in, the soil won’t just soak it up,” you try to tell him casually.

Jungho points his thumb behind him at some of his men. “Yeah we have a guy for that,” he says gruffly, not even meeting your gaze.

“Thanks … maybe have it finished within a week?”

“Okay. Anything else?” Jungho looks around awkwardly, before adding. “Want us to get the water in there too? Then we can get outta … outta your hair and stuff and don’t have to keep coming back.”

“Uh, no—there’s some lining I want to do with the pond, and I’ve got to do that before there’s water in it. But it’s something I want to do myself, so you can just take care of compressing the soil and I’ll take it from there.”

Jungho gives you a weird look but you brush it off. “Alright. We’ll have it finished by tomorrow,” he finalizes, and with that he turns on his heels and walks back to his workers who you can tell were watching him from the corner of their vision.

“Why are those guys looking at you like that?”

You whip your head around, seeing Joshua standing just a few meters away from you on the pathway coming in from the East entrance. He glances around and finds a marble bench that’s just been made, sitting on the edge casually.

“Joshua, you’ve seen people look at me like that before and I think you know exactly why,” you mutter, walking over to where he sits. Joshua doesn’t respond and instead averts his gaze to the ground.

There’s a stray kitten bouncing around at his feet, and he’s quick to drop to his knees on the pathway and engulf her in his large hands. It would be an endearing sight, you think. Sorta, you guess.

“Whatever. You’re still coming in on Sunday right? My instructor prepared this stupid Chemistry exam for me on Tuesdays and I know you can’t help out on Mondays so I kind of really need you to help me on Sunday so I can prep. So please, please, please—”

“You know I’m gonna come in, so you don’t have to pester me so much about it,” you say with a sigh, putting your folder down and crouching on the ground so you can pet the kitten. She’s cute, with wide slanted eyes and soft brown fur, the wet kitten licks feeling warm against your palm.

“But you put up with it, don’t you?” You roll your eyes but Joshua still grins when you don’t disagree.

“I don’t understand you,” you mutter, truthfully speaking your mind as the kitten rolls around in Joshua’s lap. You smile without thinking, and Joshua carefully watches your usually taut face unravel in front of him.

“Are you kidding me? I’m literally an open book. You know Sunshine, you can find my whole life on Wikipedia.”

You giggle. You fucking giggle at that, and it’s hard to tell who is more surprised between the two of you. “You know that’s not what I meant,” you murmur, struggling to hold back another laugh, the kitten jumping out of his lap to play around on the ground under the gentle hands of you and Joshua.

“Not that I would know. You think I’m stupid anyways.”

“What? No I don’t.”

“Oh my god, please don’t even try to counter that. When I told you I didn’t know why helium was named helium, you looked at me like I was the dumbest person to ever live.”

“Okay that’s only because you say you like Greek mythology! How could you not put that together—it’s so obvious! Helium and Helios sound totally alike, and everyone knows helium is like, one of the most abundant elements in the sun.”

“Maybe you know that. You’re also insanely smart,” Joshua counters.

“Whatever you say. But for the record, I don’t think you’re stupid. Maybe a little dense, but that’s it.”

Joshua pouts. “Aren’t those basically the same thing?” You know he’s only being playful, but something about the way he says it makes you think twice. He’s being sweet. So sweet, it feels almost bitter.

“No. You have a smart head, Joshua. Honest. I think you just gotta learn how to use it,” you tell him, more softly this time.

“Thanks Sunshine,” he replies gruffly and you frown, realizing that your attempts to make him feel better haven’t quite worked.

“I’m serious. What? You don’t think I’m serious?” Joshua shakes his head, and you roll your eyes when you pick up the kitten yourself and pull her into your lap.

“You’re mean. So no, I don’t think you’re being serious.”

You gasp, using the hand that isn’t playing with the kitten to place it over your chest dramatically. “I am not mean. I’m just honest. I’m being honest right now.”

“Whatever,” Joshua quips, turning his nose and looking away pettily.

“Okay, are you actually upset?” you groan, cradling the kitten up to your chest. You aren’t sure if you’re more annoyed because you can’t tell if Joshua is upset, or because you might be the reason he’s upset.

“Who knows. Not that you would care.”

“I obviously care, because I’m asking,” you deadpan, letting the kitten roll around in your arms, letting out a squeak of surprise when one of its claws gets caught in the belt of your robe, making a tear in the silk.

Joshua gives you a funny look when he says, “You can be quite pestering when you want to.”

“Congratulations! You now know how I feel.”

“See what I mean! You’re mean. I want the kitten back.”

You clutch the little close to your chest and nuzzle your face into her neck. “No can do. I’m afraid she’s mine until you admit you know I don’t think you’re stupid.”

“Oh my god, is this how it feels when I annoy you?” Joshua grumbles, throwing his head back. “Remind me to never pester you again. Ever.”

“Self awareness is great and all, but like I said, you’re not getting her until you admit it.”

“Fine. I don’t think you think I’m stupid. Happy?”

You hum and shake your head. “Mm, no. Gotta sound more convincing.”

Joshua knits his eyebrows together. “If you’re so insistent on this, then I guess it must be true. I don’t think you think I’m stupid,” he repeats, but his tone is gentler this time.

“Good work.”

Joshua stands tall on a hill. His broad shoulders are sharp with his straightened back and taught jaw. The sky is orange and you watch him from below, the clouds moving slowly above his head in the background.

He’s looking out at something, but you can’t quite tell what. It’s off in the distance, but his eyes are dilated and unwavering for a few long moments.

Wind whistles in your ear, and then the sky grows brighter and brighter until it’s no longer orange and suddenly turning yellow and then white. So white that it hinders your vision and you’re wincing through the light until you realize Joshua is not on the hill anymore.

You look around frantically to no avail—you can’t see anything but white with black spots in your vision and you feel like you’re going blind. And you want to scream but when you open your mouth no sound comes and the blowing of wind grows louder and louder until it sounds like you’re at the beach.

Looking around, you see your legs knee deep in ocean water and you’re no longer hearing the rampage of wind and instead the crashing of waves against rocks. There isn’t a hill anymore, there’s a cliff, but still no sight of Joshua.

It’s still so bright, so bright and you close your eyes tightly again until you feel a shade fall over your figure. A gasp escapes your lips when you see what’s above you.

Wide wings, ornate with white and golden feathers, perched over Joshua’s back as he hovers above you. He’s not looking anywhere else now, only you.

His face glows and then he smiles and you close your eyes one last time but when you open them again, all you see is darkness.

You’ve never been great at remembering dreams. More often than not, you wake up with no remnants of the life you lived in your head the night before, and on the rare occasions that you do happen to recall something, it’s only just random snippets that also hardly make sense.

Last night was no different, although you do wake up with an uneasy feeling, not because of what you dreamed about—you don’t remember that—but because you know you dreamed about Joshua. It’s just the wake up call you need to tell yourself that maybe, just maybe, you’re spending more time with him than you should.

It’s a Saturday morning as you trudge out of bed and to the kitchen, trying to settle the weird feelings that course through your veins when you see your mother brewing a pot of tea. “How’d you sleep?” she asks, not looking up from the boiling water.

Shrugging as you grab a home-grown orange, you respond, “Well enough.”

“Can’t believe they have you going to the palace on the weekends too … I never had to work on Saturdays or Sundays.”

You wonder how she brings up her time at the castle so casually—you don’t know if you’ll ever understand her. “I really don’t have to—I can work on my own schedule basically whenever, as long as I get the courtyard finished by the end of three months.”

“And how’s that going?”

“Behind schedule. Obviously. That’s why I’m heading in again.”

Your mother smiles and walks over, ruffling your hair. “I’m glad you’re working hard on this—I can tell you’re enjoying it, as much as you didn’t want to go there.”

“It’s nice, I guess. I get to be creative, and get paid. Really, getting the money is all I care about,” you tell her casually, taking the peel off the orange and popping a piece into your mouth.

“You don’t talk about it much, but I’m assuming people don’t give you that hard of a time? You always come home fine.”

They do, it just doesn’t happen to be anything you’re not used to. Your mind flashes to Joshua and Seokmin for a moment, and you’re once again reminded of the unnerving fact that you did dream about the former, and you can’t even remember what it was about. “Things are fine.”

You’re three tutoring sessions in with Joshua, and it’s finally the day that you pull out your own copy of The Waste Land. “Oh thank god,” he says with a breath of relief when he sees it. “This paper has been bugging me forever—if we didn’t get started on it soon I might’ve combust.”

“I appreciate the vivid imagery,” you say dryly, “but I really did not need to picture that in my head.”

“Sorry,” Joshua says with a shrug as you sit across from him. “So what’re we gonna do today, Sunshine?”

“Hmm, get through the first part hopefully. We can read it back and forth and talk about it together, so you can take notes. It might be easier that way, so you can get all your thoughts and ideas out, and then it’ll be easier for you to write that paper.”

“Sounds boring.”

“I guess I’ll just pack my stuff and—”

“Okay! Okay! I was just joking. Let’s start, please,” he complies easily, and you smirk as you sit back down.

“Good to hear. Read this part.”

You’re around an hour and a half into the lesson, still working through the first part as Joshua frowns when you finish another stanza.

“Do we have to keep going?” he whines.

“Yes we do. Let’s work with this part now. Read it out for me,” you instruct, pointing out a stanza on your own paper.

“Why—” You give him a look. “—okay fine.”

‘You gave me hyacinths first a year ago;‘They called me the hyacinth girl.’—Yet when we came back, late, from the Hyacinth garden,Your arms full, and your hair wet, I could notSpeak, and my eyes failed, I was neitherLiving nor dead, and I knew nothing,Looking into the heart of light, the silence.Oed’ und leer das Meer.

When he’s done, Joshua looks up at you blankly. “If I’m being honest, I have zero clue what this means.”

You sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. “You’ve said that every time you read a new section, but I know that’s not true, because you literally always come up with something.”

Joshua scrunches up his face and slaps his hands to his cheeks in frustration. “But now I’m being serious! This is making no sense to me—I hate Literature, okay? My brain is dead right now and I don’t think I can do any more Sunshine.”

“We’ve been doing this for less than two hours,” you say bluntly. “Look—you said you like Greek mythology right? Try and draw some connections. Maybe that’ll make this more enjoyable.”

“I hardly think T.S. Elliot could produce anything I enjoy,” Joshua huffs as he tilts the page so he can read it better, “But fine. I still don’t get what about this has anything to do with mytho—oh!”

“Finally! You get it?”

“Hyacinthus!” You nod eagerly, gesturing your hands to tell him to go on. “Uh, it was that story with Apollo. Shit, what was the story again?” He looks up and taps at his chin, but when you open your mouth to help him out, Joshua sticks a hand in front of your face and shakes his head. “No wait, I remember. The one where they were in love but Apollo accidentally killed him when they were playing a game!”

“You’re right. The blood of Hyacinthus was eventually turned into flowers by Apollo to honor his death or something like that. In the context of this poem … the giver of the hyacinth flower is almost like a sign of—”

Joshua snaps his fingers in the air and grins. “Forgiveness!”

“Well, not exactly giving forgiveness, but asking for it.”

“Kind of like … saying you’re sorry?” Joshua smiles brighter when you nod. “Holy shit, maybe I do enjoy T.S. Elliot.”

You roll your eyes and point at his notebook and pen. “Good, now write that down. You are going to have to write about this, remember?”

Joshua pouts, but picks up the pen nevertheless. “Whatever you say Sunshine.”

“Joshua told me to tell you that he thinks T.S. Elliot sucks,” Seokmin says, coming up to you in the cafeteria as you polish off your own tray. It’s a large and grand area—an old ballroom that turned into a commonplace for the workers.

Large mirrors plate the walls, and across from you, you can watch Seokmin’s reflection as he sits down next to you. Rolling your eyes, you turn to look at him, “He’s only saying that because I told him to write the paper himself.”

Seokmin furrows his eyebrows as he places a white box, a little larger than the size of your hand, on the table. Glancing around, you catch people in the mirror watching you with wavering gazes before turning away when they find you looking at them.

Huff lightly, you turn your attention back to Seokmin. “What’s this?”

“Joshua told me to give it to you.”

That’s new. Tentatively, you lift the lid a little to peek inside, only finding a haphazard mess of stuffing paper with something purple concealed underneath. “Would it be a smart decision to open it right now?”

“Oh my gosh, it’s not an explosive or anything.”

“You don’t know that!”

Seokmin rolls his eyes himself this time. “Yes I do. I packed it.”

“Ugh, even worse. I’m not opening it if you’re around. That’s embarrassing.”

“Is not! I think that you should—” Seokmin is cut off by the sound of his own phone ringing, cursing under his breath when he sees the caller ID. For a moment, you consider peering over and taking a look, but Seokmin stands up too quickly. “I gotta go for a second. I’ll catch you before you leave!” he calls out when he’s already pushing his chair in and rushing off into the distance.

You laugh at his hurry, wondering what could possibly ensue such nervousness from the boy, but you quickly remind yourself that this is Seokmin and he gets the jitters when he even has to think about being around Mr. Park for more than twenty minutes.

Soon, you start to clean up your area yourself, putting your trays away and throwing away your trash in the weirdly fancy bins they have scattered around the hall. As your lunch break nears its end, you grab the oddly light box, your phone, and make your way back to 77.

The room is empty, safe for Jihoon who’s got his head buried in his laptop, and you think it’s a good time to check what’s inside. If it is an explosive, you’ll just have to apologize to Jihoon in the afterlife.

Opening the lid, those same, crumpled papers lay on top, but this time you notice a little white card in the middle. Pursing your lips, your eyes flicker to your side to see if Jihoon’s watching (he never is, but it doesn’t hurt to check), and when your privacy is confirmed, you flip the paper over.

There’s a message written in purple pen, adorning a handwriting that you can distinctly recognize as Joshua’s.

Thank you for all the help. I really owe you one.

You aren’t quite sure what he’s talking about, and you make a mental note to ask him about it when you see him later. Right now, you rummage through the papers, hands feeling the space beneath them before they land on a smooth layer of fabric.

Confused, you pull it out, only to see it’s a ribbon, much like the one tied around your own waist. Same color, same material, same emblem, the only difference being …

You glance down at your own robes where the ribbon has a small tear at one end from where the kitten had pawed at you. You have to blink a few times to realize what Joshua’s intentions were, and when you do, you can’t help the warm smile that begrudgingly makes its way onto your face.

Quickly, you tug the ends of the ribbon around your waist and let it unravel, taking the new ribbon and tying it just as your mother taught you. It’s the same thing as the one before, yes, but this is different. This is a gift.

Donning Joshua’s (your?) ribbon, you start to clean up your desk space and tuck your old ribbon back into your bag. You forgot to tell Seokmin you’re tutoring Joshua this afternoon, so as you pack up you text him a sincere ‘thank you’ message, and let him know that you might not be able to see him before you go. You don’t get a response, which is slightly odd since Seokmin seems to always be on top of things, but you shrug it off and remind yourself that he’s busy.

Today, you make your way down the smaller halls with a little skip to your step. Joshua showed you this pathway earlier so it’d be easier to get to his study room without being seen; it’s a nice little series of corridors that are a little dimmer and narrower, but still hold the lavish feel you always get walking through the palace.

You can hear the voices of a few people, but it seems quiet, hushed, and somehow a little heated—in other words, caught up in their own world. Being in the castle for almost two months now, you’ve learned to realize what kind of situations need your caution and which ones don’t. This is the latter.

You smile to yourself, smoothing your palms over the new, not-torn silk ribbon around your waist, as you near the second entrance to his study, about to enter another hallway to the final stretch and—shit.

When you turn a corner, your heart stops.

You turn back and run down the corridor. You don’t know if Seokmin saw you, and quite frankly, you don’t care.

It didn’t take you more than a second to put two and two together and suddenly you’re pushed back into your nine year old body—you don’t really know what’s happening or why it’s happening, all you know is that it hurts.

You’re going to have to apologize to Joshua for flaking on him. Surely he’ll understand that you were just a little bit upset by the sight you had to see.

After all, you did just witness Seokmin, quite literally your only real friend in this damn castle, speaking to Advisor Lee, the man who tore your mother’s life down. And now is when everything starts to click, because you realize that Seokmin is Advisor Lee’s son.

Of course he was close with Joshua—he probably grew up on these very castle grounds. Of course they attended the same classes—his father was the King’s advisor and cousin.

It makes sense now, and in your bleary haze as you make your way back to 77, you’re not sure what to do. You rush past a few other staff members murmuring under their breath when they see you, and you usually wouldn’t be bothered by the sight but now you remember that this is the first time you’ve cried since you got here, and it’s all because of that man who started this all in the first place.

As you lock yourself in one of the staff bathrooms, you catch your disheveled appearance and furiously wipe at your cheeks. Fuck. You shouldn’t be crying. You can’t be crying over this, because god knows you did not spend years thickening your skin for it to be cut open like this.

You should’ve known. Should’ve fucking known.

You try to stop your tears, telling yourself that they’re all the same. That you shouldn’t have expected anything more from these people, that you should’ve picked up on how Seokmin was definitely someone important, that you should’ve never fallen for his and Joshua’s sweet games.

“Shit,” you gasp out as a sob rips from your throat, and you clutch the side of the sink as uneasiness bubbles up in your stomach and spreads through your limbs until you’re trembling.

Maybe you let him get so close because you thought he saw you for something else. Maybe you believed that he saw you as more than a pity project. More than someone who was defined by their past.

Joshua and Seokmin—they knew. They knew everything this whole damn time.

And now you’re angry—you’re so fucking angry. Tugging at your hair, ripping up your clothes, and thrashing your limbs around kind of angry. The kind of anger that poisons your bones and makes your body ache until you can’t take it anymore. The kind of anger that wraps its hand around your throat and squeezes the air out of you until you can do nothing but relent. The kind of anger that has you looking at yourself in the mirror and thinking, what the fuck.

The worst thing is you can’t even be mad at him. You want to be mad at him and you want to be mad at Joshua. You want to have the will to go up to them and slap the smiles off their faces because how dare Seokmin be the own flesh and blood of Advisor Lee, and how dare Joshua know and not have the guts to tell you.

Because after everything, Seokmin and Joshua were your friends and—fuck—they were some damn good friends. Your best friends, maybe, if you ever had the liberty to even know what that means.

And it wasn’t because they were overly nice, or excessively cheery, or because Seokim was always grinning and Joshua was always smirking, but because when they talked to you, they were talking to you, and not some shell of your past.

Finally, now, when you press your face into your hands as your last attempt to calm yourself down, you feel like you can breathe. You’re not sure where your head is at, and something tells you that it’s gonna take a damn long time to figure it out.

You’re a little lost.

You were just trying to get to the South end entrance of the courtyard but you must have taken a wrong turn or something because you’re walking down a corridor you’ve quite literally never seen before. It’s similar to the hallways of the rest of the palace, but it’s slightly taller and a bit more narrow, and the workers walking through wear faces that you aren’t familiar with. You’re a little nervous about where your feet are taking you, and you consider just turning around and retracing your steps when you hear a voice.

Seokmin’s voice is loud when he calls your name, and you press your lips together tightly when it rings in your ears. “What are you doing here? You usually don’t come down to the South e—” he starts to say when walks up to you from a corridor to your left.

“Nothing,” you reply briskly, turning on your heel so your back is pretty much facing him. “I was just leaving actually.”

“What—hey! Slow down! Where’re you going?”

“77,” you mutter under your breath as you speed up your pace.

“Slow down!”

You don’t relent. “Seokmin, don’t you have stuff to do right now instead of following me around?” You can’t see the look on his face, but you can only imagine it’s one of defeat.

“I—” his voice is quieter this time, “Okay.”

The footsteps that were one following you die out, and as you browse the corners of your vision, you conclude that he’s finally left you alone. You should feel relieved—happy that he’s not bothering you now—but sometimes uneasy churns inside of you, and you aren’t sure what it is.

The rest of your day goes as it usually does in a palace. You tend to your work and as it hits late afternoon, you start making your way to Joshua’s study. Once again, you’re not sure where your head is at.

“Is everything alright?” Joshua asks you the second you walk in. “Seokmin told me you looked upset and wouldn’t talk to him so I—”

You inhale deeply before, putting your hands up in a stopping motion. “I can’t tutor you anymore.”

Joshua looks at you weirdly. “What, why?”

“Or talk to you,” you add.

“What—”

“Just—just don’t talk to me. Or ask me to tutor you. Or ask for my help, or ask to help me—you know what just like—I dunno, stay away from me.”

“Sunshine, where is this coming from?” Joshua pinches the bridge of his nose, and you don’t think he’s understanding the weight of his words.

“Why do you even talk to me?” you snap. “Like seriously, if you can bother any worker in the castle, why does it have to be me?”

Hurt flashes in Joshua’s face for hardly a second before he frowns deeply. “I—what’s going on?”

“Do you and Seokmin think this is funny? Being nice to me like—” You throw your hands in the air. “—like I’m some kind of joke?”

“What? No, Sunshine, what are you even talking about?”

“I know who Seokmin’s dad is.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” you scoff. “So if Seokmin still wants to know why I don’t feel like talking to him, maybe consider telling him that I’m not interested in being around someone whose father is literally the reason me and my mom’s lives have been so fucked up.”

Joshua winces at the last statement. You’ve been irritated with him, annoyed with him, and all that petty stuff, sure, but this is different.

“Seokmin isn’t like that, okay? He isn’t—you know—like that.”

“And how would you know?” you snap. “Prince Joshua, what do you know about having people be, quote unquote, above you? You have everything in front of you, and when people look at you and Seokmin it’s not ‘cause of some fucked up scandal which pinned your mom as the kingdom’s slut of the century, it’s ‘cause they literally bow down to your presence and—”

Something tells you to stop yourself. Maybe it’s the fact that you know you’re not actually angry at them. Maybe it’s the fact that you’re so fucking tired of being angry all the time that you can’t take it anymore. Maybe it’s the fact that when you finally look him in the eye, Joshua looks sad.

“I’m sorry,” he finally says meekly. “Seokmin should—we should’ve let you know earlier. I promise we didn’t be your friend just ‘cause of that,” he rambles. “I mean obviously we knew about it but we didn’t wanna bring it up because everyone was bringing it up and—I’m sorry. You know Seokmin isn’t like that.”

“And you?” you quip, but you know your retorts hold no weight. “How do I know you aren’t like—like that.”

Joshua falters and you watch him gulp. He looks tired and his lips are red from how hard he’s been chewing on them as you speak. “Y-you know,” his voice is quiet, “You know I’m not.”

You have your answer before you even have to think about it, but you pause for a few moments, waiting to respond. All that comes out is a shallow breath as you look down and squeeze your eyes shut. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I just—” You sigh weakly. “I don’t know. I don’t know anymore.” Joshua doesn’t respond—he knows you’re thinking.

You wonder what to do with yourself. You’re not angry. Not sad either. Uneasy? Maybe. It’s the uncertainty of it all. You don’t understand why you’re not mad, and you don’t understand why you want to forgive him so easily, but you’re starting to realize that you should stop trying to understand the things that might never make sense.

Finally, you nod. “It’s fine.”

“Sorry again. I guess we didn’t wanna make that whole thing all about you. Because like, you’re you, and whatever happened is separate.”

You purse your lips and nod. “Thank you.”

“Was that sarcasm?”

You glare at him. “Dipshit, no it wasn’t!”

“I’m taking this as a sign that you’re feeling better. Am I correct?”

You bite back a smile and shrug. “I guess.”

“Cool, ‘cause I think you’d like to know that my mom stopped by the courtyard the other day.”

“Oh yeah? What’d she say? This is all for her isn’t it—hopefully she liked it.”

“Yeah no, she said it was great. She thought the patterns of the pathway were cool and so she asked me if I could figure out why they were designed like that and I said no. By the way, why did you design them like that?”

“There’s this song I like. It’s called Isohel, and when I first heard it, I liked it a lot,” you explain. “Searched up what it means and stuff and then a few weeks later I was taking some filler class for the credits and my professor goes on some tangent about god-knows-what, and somehow he brings up pictures of an isohel map. An isohel—it’s basically a line which maps out the places that have the same duration of sunshine. Pretty cool, I think.”

“Is that what the pathways are? Are they—what is it—an isohel?”

“Mhm. On an isohel map, they’re not always just lines—they come around full circle sometimes so it looks like these funky, squiggly ovals sometimes,” you ramble. “So I took one of those circle-ish things and broke it up and pieced it together like a pathway.”

“That’s really smart.” Joshua pauses. “You’re really smart.”

It’s not the first time someone’s told you that. Fuck, it’s not even the first time Joshua’s told you that, but it feels different now. He means it, you know it in your bones.

“I-I dunno,” you stammer. “I guess. It just relates to the theme of the sun. My mom taught me about it when I was younger—I loved the sun.”

“So that’s what the theme of your courtyard is? Me and Seokmin have been betting on that for ages.”

You scoff, “You guys bet on that? Seriously, do you have nothing better to do with your time?”

“Clearly not!” he shoots back, causing you to laugh. “Are you really feeling better now?” Joshua asks sincerely, and when you smile and nod, he grins. “Hey, I just realized you talked to me about your feelings—”

“Don’t mention it,” you snap gruffly, crossing your arms over your chest.

Joshua clicks his tongue and chuckles. “There’s the Sunshine I know.”

It’s the next day when you walk into 77. Jihoon’s desk is empty, Mr. Park is just about to leave as you enter and you bow to him quickly as you settle in your desk. Seokmin is in the corner watering the yarrows, seeming to not have noticed you yet.

You watch him closely, smiling softly when you notice he stops before he can overwater them. Quietly, you set your stuff down and Seokmin begins to talk. “Oh, Jihoon, Mr. Park was just looking for you—oh,” he cuts himself flat when he turns around and sees you.

You’re not sure what to do, because Joshua didn’t exactly tell you if he told Seokmin about your conversation and what not, but the look on Seokmin’s face is telling you that he’s just a little behind on the news.

“Hey,” you say casually, throwing a hand up to wave at him as you set your bag down on your desk. Seokmin opens his mouth and then closes it a few times, as if he’s searching for the right words but they don’t quite come out for a few moments.

“Joshua told me that, uh, you know that—” He pauses and glances at you, trying to watch for any hints of anger on your face, but none comes.

“Don’t worry about it,” you say with a shrug, and Seokmin has to blink twice because he’s not sure he heard you correctly at all.

“W-what?”

You narrow your eyes at him. “I said don’t worry about it,” you state again, and then add more softly, “You’re not your father. I get it.” You get it more than anyone. “Anyways, did you get the workers to start planting the hyacinths?”

Seokmin shakes his head once to snap himself back into reality and then shakes his head again a second time. “Wait no, I mean—wait, yes! I mean yes! I did do that—I should go remind them to get on that,” he rambles quickly, clearly a little flustered.

You chuckle. “It’s good to see you’ve been watering the yarrows properly now. Mr. Park finally beat it into you?”

“Y-yeah I guess. I’ve been getting better at remembering them all,” he tells you, starting to fall into a more casual tone. It’s normal, you think. Nice and normal. Nice and normal and just what you need.

“What are you doing here?”

When you turn around with your bag slung over your shoulder, you’re surprised to see Joshua. “Um, working?”

“It’s a Saturday night,” he states, lips pinched together in a funny expression, like he can’t figure you out.

“I think I know that,” you chuckle. “I didn’t know if I could come in on Monday—I need to stop by the university campus for something—so I just came in today to take care of some stuff.”

“You’re a dedicated worker huh … you should just work here forever—the pay is great.”

“Mm, I’m not sure about that,” you say honestly as you look him up and down. It strikes you now that Prince Joshua truly is a handsome man. Dark velvety robes that are even more grand than the ones you’re used to seeing on him, well fit dress pants against his legs and shiny leather shoes that seem to fit his image perfectly. “Anyways, I heard there’s a ball tonight? You’re not going?”

Joshua shrugs as he turns around and starts walking, waving you over to follow him. “C’mon follow me.” You contemplate your choices before telling yourself, what’s the worst that could happen, scurrying on after him. “I left—it got boring, so I got about twenty-five minutes before someone calls me and asks me to come back. My bets are on it being Seokmin ‘cause he’ll get bored.”

You snort at that as the familiarity of this route starts to sink in. “Hey are we going to my …”

“Yeah. Seokmin told me you finally got it named, and I want to check it out.”

“Uh, yeah,” you murmur bashfully—you hadn’t expected Joshua to be that interested in it. You walk through the empty corridors to the hallway that has the North entrance of the courtyard, and Joshua cranes his neck up to look at the golden plaque that rests above the entrance.

“Sol Invictus, huh.”

You nudge him on the side playfully. “You know what that means, Mr. Latin Genius?”

“Of course I do,” he retorts with a roll of his eyes. “Sun god, or whatever,”

“God of sun, but you were close enough I guess,” you mutter as you walk through. The courtyard looks different in the night. It’s nearly done, and as the little warm lights you had placed in intervals along the path light up the scene, you can’t help but feel overwhelming pride with how well you’ve done.

“C’mon, let’s sit here,” he says, pointing down at the circular patch of grass that surrounds the pond in the middle. Joshua sits down first and you watch him carefully before quickly sitting next to him as well.

The grass is cool under your skin, but as a comfortable silence envelopes you and Joshua, you start to think you really don’t mind.

“I think lots of people think I’m stupid or something,” Joshua finally speaks up, and some uncomfortable feeling boils in your stomach at the words. “You know, the only thing people usually compliment me on is my fencing, really. And fencing is one of those things that, if you’ve been doing it as long as I have, you sort of gotta be good at it.”

“I don’t think you’re stupid.”

“I know. Thank you.” There’s a silence as he reaches over the stone lining of the hyacinth beds, plucking a few from the shrubs.

“Joshua!” you complain. “I had those planted just last week.”

“It’s fine,” he mumbles, handing the two he plucked to you. You don’t hesitate to keep your palms open for him, his fingers brushing over the skin of your arms as he does so. You rub the smooth petals between your fingers and a thumb, bringing one close to your chest before taking the other and handing it back to Joshua.

He looks at you, eyes clearly confused, but holds it to his own chest anyways. With your hands behind you on the ground, you lean back and look up at the sky, letting your shoulders relax. The night air pinches at your skin, but the soft fabric of Joshua tuxedo is warm as it brushes next to you.

“Why’d you name this pond Eridenus?” Joshua asks, pointing at the plaque by the pebble lining which spells out the word in fancy lettering.

“You don’t know where it’s from?” you sigh, lifting your head so you can shoot him a stern look. Joshua rolls his eyes and nudges your cheek with his shoulder, motioning you to lean back down at him.

“You know I’m a rascal—I’m forgetful. Tell me what it means.”

“It’s confirmed: you’re a fake mythology fan. I’m suing the universe.” Joshua chuckles and pokes you, egging you to go on. “Do you remember the story of Phaethon?”

Joshua hums. “Uh, son of Helios. Didn’t believe that he was his son. Asked to ride his carriage but lost control and almost burned the Earth?”

You shrug. “Well that’s most of it I guess. He’s racing down to the earth and everything is chaos—rivers boiling, forests on fires, people turning to ash—and so Zeus throws his bolt at him and kills Phaethon right in the sky.”

“Kind of like the story of Icarus. But the opposite I guess. Instead of getting too close to the sun, he brings the sun too close to the earth.”

“You could put it like that. They have the same meaning, I think. But anyways, Phaethon falls out of the carriage and as he dies he falls into this river called Eridenus.”

“Oh.” Joshua’s voice is quiet as you both watch the gentle water lap back and forth in front of you. The small waves hitting the stone barriers of the pound is the only sound that permeates the night sky, besides your shared breaths and the occasional whistling of wind.

“It’s kind of like—” You.

“Don’t say it.” Joshua’s words are crisp and short, and he doesn’t look at you. You want to say the words—I’m sorry—but they get stuck in your throat and ripple through your limbs as you scoot closer to him.

“Anyways,” Joshua finally says, but the word is only followed with silence.

“I think you need to get back to the ball,” you tell him quietly, lifting your head from his shoulder. Your skin burns from where it was previously pressed against him and you silently chide yourself for letting yourself get so close.

Joshua finally turns to face you, and you’re surprised when he chuckles. “So eager to get rid of me, Sunshine?” You scoff, pushing him away gently.

“I-I just don’t want you to get in trouble!” you stutter as you push yourself off the ground, Joshua following suit.

“Aw, so you care about me?” His eyes crinkle up in that familiar way when he says it and you can’t help the childish grin that makes its way onto your face.

“More like I don’t want you to complain to me about how you got scolded!”

“Mm, sounds a lot like you care about me,” Joshua counters, returning your smile with one of his own. You roll your eyes and carefully skip in your dress toward the exit on the North end of the courtyard.

When you almost trip over your robes, Joshua catches you and his rough palm presses against the small of your back as you regain your balance, the two of you giggling together as he drops you off at 77 before heading to the ballroom.

It’s almost laughable how happy you are. Silly you for forgetting that fairytales don’t happen in real life.

The walls look brighter, the chandeliers that hang from the ceiling seem to glitter a bit more, the ground seems smoother; you enjoy walking through the castle in a way you never thought you could.

It’s a normal evening and you’re nearing the end of your time at the castle, but you choose to ignore the odd feeling you get when you think too long about leaving this place. There’s still more work to get done, and you don’t want to spend your time focusing on things that you know will only distract you.

You’re in the middle of Sol Invictus today, looking through a paper and phone as you go through some old plans and checklists, trying to figure out if there is anything you should do before you pack your bags and head towards Joshua’s study.

Just as you’re about to unclick your pen and tuck your things away and head back to 77, someone speaks to you from behind.

“A lovely courtyard we have here.” You know this voice. Everyone knows this voice.

Your blood runs cold as you turn around and face the King, neck craning down immediately as you bow down, stepping away while you hold your hands behind your back.

“G-good evening sir,” you stutter, almost tripping over the stone of your own pathways when you stand up and straighten your back. It’s your first time in years seeing him in person, and you tell yourself as your stomach churns that this was bound to happen at some point.

“Care to tell me about what you’ve got going on here?” he asks, walking around the little stone circle that surrounds Eridenus. “You’re the head of the project, is that right?”

“Yes sir,” you reply quickly, bowing again slightly when he finally goes full circle stopping next to you. His hands are behind his back as you watch him look over the almost complete fields of flowers. “I—uh—it’s called Sol Invictus,” you say. “The—”

“God of Sun.”

“Y-yes sir. Apollo and Helios,” you begin to explain. “Which is why I’ve used these flowers—they’re from one of Apollo’s love stories. They’re quite beautiful, if you ask me, and they fit the kingdom’s colors well.”

The King hums in response. “That’s interesting,” he finally tells you, looking down at Eridenus in front of you. You follow his gaze, staring down at the clear water as you feel your heart rise to your throat in anticipation. You don’t really know what you expect, but if you were preparing yourself for anything, it wasn’t the King saying, “It’s my understanding that you talk to Prince regularly, is that right?”

Your breath hitches in your throat and lodges there along with your heart. “Well, I wouldn’t say—”

“I was speaking to Mr. Park just yesterday.” Oh. “You seem to be a very smart, professional young lady, and it shows in your work.” This can’t be good. “However, I am obligated to remind you: there are boundaries within these walls between the family and its staff.”

“Of course sir. I understand.”

The King watches you carefully, and just when you think he's done, he continues. “There are guards around the castle at all times. there isn't much they miss, I’m sure you know.” This isn't good. This really isn't good.

“It's quite impressive,” you agree, thumbs pressed against each other behind your back. You hear the king take a deep breath, and you wonder if he sucked the air out of you doing so.

"I've heard the pond here is named Eridenus.”

"Y-yes sir."

"Interesting," he murmurs. "Phaeton asked for a bit more than he could handle, didn’t he?" the King chuckles but you hardly hear it over the way your heart pounds. "Let mistakes be learned from, alright?"

You feel your knuckle might buckle. Is this how your mother felt? All those years ago?

The King’s words aren’t nearly as harsh as the advisor who berated your mother, but still, your body sways—you can’t tell if it’s all in your head with all the thoughts that race through, or if it’s the sheer weight of his words that has you almost stumbling.

“It was good to meet you. I’ve enjoyed what you’ve done with this space,” he comments finally, and you step away to face him 

“The pleasure was mine, sir,” you bid, bowing as he turns and walks back to his assistants who whisk him away. You watch the King fade into the distance and disappear to the North end.

He spoke to you for a reason, and the King was right. You are smart. You are smart and professional, and tonight, you know exactly what you must do.

“We need to talk,” you state firmly, closing the door behind you in Joshua’s study. You’re supposed to tutor him tonight, and he doesn’t look up at you as he writes away in his notebook, a smirk making its way onto his face as he starts to speak.

“That’s all I get, Sunshine? No ‘hi,’ ‘hello,’ ‘how are you?’” he teases, but then he looks up at you and catches the grim look on your face and the sound of him dropping his pen echoes through the room. “What is it?”

He stands up so quickly that his chair falls down, but Joshua pays no mind to it, his hands gripping the end of his table as his eyes bore into yours. “What is it?” he asks again and this time he’s hissing it. You know he doesn’t mean to be harsh, but your heart sinks even further than you could imagine.

“Joshua,” and when you say it, your voice is meek. You shouldn’t cry over this—fuck, you hate crying, especially if it’s because of his people. You’ve done more than enough crying over them in your life—you can’t cry over any of this anymore.

“Sunshine, what’s going on? You’re scaring me,” Joshua eggs you on worriedly, moving away from his desk so he can walk over to you. One hand cups your cheek, and you’re struck by the realization that this is the most intimate he’s ever been with you.

What unfortunate circumstances, you think.

“Your father,” you say, having half a mind to push his hand away from your face, but you keep it there because you don’t think you’ll have the will to keep on talking if he’s not touching you.

“What about him?” Joshua asks hastily, grip on your jaw tightening.

“He knows, Joshua, he knows.”

“What are you talking about?” Joshua furrows his eyebrows and asks the question but there’s that voice in his head telling him that he already knows the answer.

“A guard saw us at the courtyard and—”

“We didn’t even do anything,” Joshua tries to protest and with just one look at his face, you can tell he’s trying to figure out ways to rebut whatever that stupid guard saw that night.

“Joshua, you know we can’t do anything about this,” you say exasperatedly, your voice a little louder now that you clutch the elbow of his arm that’s holding your face. “I overheard him talking to Mr. Park.”

Joshua’s eyes widen. “Mr. Park knows? What about your job? Are you going to get to finish the project? Are you—”

“Joshua,” you choke out, and for once you cannot stop your tears. “I don’t care about my goddamn project, I care about you.”

“You love that courtyard,” Joshua argues, and you wince at the way he’s still thinking about that damn courtyard. You brush his hand off of you and for a second it looks like his heart has just broken in two, but then you reach for his face and hold his cheeks with your own two hands.

His skin is smooth and supple with the light grain of stubble that itches against your palm near the underside of your jaw. “Joshua,” you whisper, and it’s now that you feel the warm drops of water hit your skin. Joshua is crying and you don’t think you’ve seen anything that saddens you more. “Don’t cry, please don’t cry,” you beg, fruitlessly wiping away his tears as he silently cries into your hands.

“Why’re you acting like this is the end?” he hiccups and he must hate the sound because he slaps a hand over his mouth and buries his face into it.

“Joshua, no,” you murmur and pull him into you so that his hands can fall and you can cradle his head into your neck, letting your own tears drip onto the silk of his shirt. “It’s not the end,” you try to reason, but he pulls his head away to look down at you with glassy eyes.

“You—you’re lying to me,” Joshua says harshly.

“What are you talking about, I don’t—”

“I know you. I-I—fuck—I fucking know you,” he spits out, causing you to falter backwards. “Why do you think we can’t work this out? I’m the prince, I can—I can change everything and we can be together—”

“Your father —”

“Who gives a fuck, I’ll be king soon anyways and—”

“What if he does something?! What if he revokes your title?”

You’re met with stillness and you think Joshua might just comply with your silent plan but suddenly he’s shaking his head vigorously.

“Okay, then let him. I don’t care about being prince, I—”

“You can’t throw your life away Joshua, not for me!” you protest, holding his face again so you can focus his gaze on yours.

“It’s my life—why, why not?”

“Because I love you. And you can’t sacrifice this—this amazing life—for me!”

“I-I can’t—I don’t,” he stumbles and searches for words as tears fall from his lashes and roll down your hands, your wrists, your arms, “—can’t do it, not without you.”

“You’ve been doing it for years, Joshua, you’ll learn,” you tell him, using one hand to grip his cheek, the other to wipe away at your own.

“You don’t love me,” he chokes out. “You—you wouldn’t do this to me if you loved me.”

“Don’t say that, please.” You press your forehead against his and close your eyes because you can’t bear to look at his tear-streaked cheeks any longer. It’s quiet for a moment, and you can’t help but think that this is the calm before the storm.

“We’ll work it out,” Joshua finally whispers, pulling his head back and cradling the back of your neck with his hands. You don’t say anything, and Joshua doesn’t give you the chance anyway. “Let me have you,” he begs. “We’ll work everything out and it’ll be okay,” he says over a strangled sob, “Just—just be with me tonight.”

And so when you nod, he wipes his tears and pokes his head out of the study to make sure the corridor is empty before tugging your wrist and pulling you to his room. It’s big and grand, just as you’d expect for the prince but Joshua doesn’t want you to look at the intricate walls or the tall ceilings or the golden furniture.

Joshua makes you focus on his burning touch and lets you explore his mouth, his body. And stripped, your bodies are so hot and with wet lips against sheen skin, you feel you might melt into each other’s bones.

Teeth against teeth, nails scraping against skin so hard it digs into the muscle, bruising holds, and sloppy kisses—the feeling is so intense and it crashes onto you and Joshua so hard that you have no other choice but to grip onto each other as you would a lifeline.

And your bodies move so languidly through the sheets, like waves against a shore, or like the wind whistling through the air, until you're trembling and drifting off in each others’ arms.

It would have been perfect. Perfect, if only Joshua had woken up and you were next to him.

Joshua is lost.

After a frantic hour of running around the palace, asking if anyone had seen you, looking for Seokmin to see if he had any answers, Joshua finds himself in the middle of Sol Invictus. And he racks his brain for answers, for a smidge of anything that gives him a reasonable explanation as to why you weren’t in his arms this morning.

Joshua is lost.

He’s staring at the ground now, and all Joshua can wonder is if it was all a dream. If that moment you both looked out his glass window at the stars before you kissed him on his bed was just a figment of his imagination.

He wonders if you actually did thread your soft fingers through his messy hair and hold him close as both hit your peaks together, and he wonders if your lips really did ghost over his skin as he drifted off into sleep.

Joshua almost doesn’t feel Advisor Lee’s hand on his shoulder. He only hears his voice, really, and when he does, the sound grates against his ears.

“She’s gone.” Advisor Lee’s voice has always been harsh, and Joshua wonders how the same man could’ve produced something—someone—as lovely as Seokmin.

“What are you talking about?” Joshua is good at feigning ignorance, but his voice still quivers.

“I know. Your father and mother know too.”

Joshua is lost.

Joshua’s eyes snap up and suddenly his hands are at Advisor Lee’s collar. When the older man doesn’t seem surprised, Joshua sags. “What the fuck do you know. What—” He inhales sharply as he lets go and steps back, inching closer to Eridenus. “—what did you do to her?”

“She left herself.”

“What are—” Joshua heaves. “What?”

He’s doing it before he even realizes it. Stumbling toward Eridenus with his lungs and heart mushed together so tight he’s got a hole in his chest, Joshua steps over the stone lining and crashes into the shallow water.

Seokmin’s face pales when he walks in on the scene. Coming into the courtyard from the South end, he sees Joshua’s figure before he even recognizes it’s him.

That’s not Joshua, he thinks as he watches his father stand in front of Eridenus where the prince sits. That’s not Joshua.

Joshua’s shoulders are always sharp and his eyes are bright. Joshua’s smile is full and his hands are always ready to love.

This isn’t Joshua, and Seokmin feels it in his gut when he approaches Eridenus.

Joshua sits in the middle of the pond. His knees are bent and the cold water stops at the middle of his chest, leaving the upper third of his body dry. His royal coat and velvet pants, his polished shoes and silk button up, are submerged and rub against the algae coated rocks on the bottom of Eridenus.

Advisor Lee doesn’t speak as Seokmin stands next to him, Eridenus in front of the two with the prince in the middle. Joshua doesn’t say a thing. In fact, it seems like he doesn’t even know Seokmin is here now. His neck is tilted down and he stares at his soaked slacks blankly.

Seokmin is stunned.

This can’t be Joshua, because Joshua’s shoulders are always sharp but now they are hunched over and hardly moving, even as he breathes short breaths through his pale lips.

This can’t be Joshua, because Joshua’s eyes are always bright but now they are dull and dead. Seokmin knows Joshua’s eyes are always bright, but he failed to realize what exactly it was that was lighting them up.

Seokmin thought it was the sun but he was wrong, because even now, as Joshua sits under broad daylight, he is still and his eyes are dull.

Two weeks since you’ve seen Joshua’s face and you miss his smile.

You miss his smile, the one that crinkles up all the way to his eyes when he laughs at one of your snarky comments. The one that shines his teeth and the one that seemed to never leave your sight when you were with him.

You miss his smile, but his laugh still rings in your ear, early in the mornings when you blink awake and late in the nights when you gasp in hearty breaths and try not to cry. When you take the walk through the city to your work at Mr. Min’s bookshop, the ringing of the street vendors’ bells are bright and cheery, and sometimes you can hear Joshua’s laugh in the mix.

One month since Joshua last looked you in the eye and he wishes he didn’t know why you left. He wishes he was oblivious, because then he could be angry at you—he could have a reason to forget, to move on, to stop loving you.

Joshua knows why you left and it hurts more than anything because this is nothing like a betrayal at all. You left because you love him, and Joshua cannot dispute that—not now, not ever.

Sometimes he walks through Sol Invictus and plucks a hyacinth, letting it blow off into the wind. He hopes you’ll find the lost petals one day.

Two months since you’ve been in the castle and your life is normal. Well, as normal as it can get for you.

Your first semester of the new year started a few days ago, and you’ve since moved into an apartment near your campus. Your mother thinks it’ll be good for you, and you understand her sentiment but you don’t think she understands.

Ironic, you think. You’ve gone full circle, really. Maybe it does run in your blood, like all the whispers said.

You realize you’re okay with that. Maybe you made a mistake with Joshua, maybe you didn’t. Maybe you almost royally fucked up your reputation more than it already was (thankfully, the Royal Counsel was better at keeping it under the wraps this time), maybe no one cares. Maybe your life is a little bit more messed up now, but again—you’re okay with that.

You miss Joshua. You don’t think you’ll ever stop missing him. You’re also okay with that. You’re starting to realize that you’re okay with pretty much anything when it comes to Joshua. And once again, you’re okay with that.

Six months since he’s seen you and Joshua’s chest aches. Partly because he was distracted during fencing and took a jab straight in the middle but mostly because he misses you.

He stands on the balcony of the royal dining hall, waiting for lunch to be served as he looks over the palace and the kingdom that spread beyond. Joshua sees the tall buildings, the rows of houses, and the infamous Hong University that lay in the middle of the commontown around the hill the castle sits on, and he wonders.

You told him you’d be taking an astronomy class this semester, which should have started a month ago. Joshua is old enough and smart enough to know that collegiate astronomy is more than just the moon and the sun and the pretty little dots that button the sky, but still, he wonders.

The sun and its sunlight, rotations and revolutions.

Will you think about him?

Joshua doesn’t need to wonder—he knows.

The sun is bright today and even though it’s winter, the clouds are nowhere to be seen. It’s a bit of a rare occurrence for the cold months, but Joshua doesn’t mind. When he looks at the blue sky and briefly glances at the sun, his shadow on the stone floor, the reflection of light against the railing, Joshua breathes in the chilly air, filling his lungs deeply.

He knows.

Eight months and you still hear Joshua’s laugh.

You hear it when wind whistles in your ear as you walk to a flower shop to buy a pot. You hear it when you look up at the sun and imagine you’re in the middle of Sol Invictus. You hear it when you crouch down on your balcony, placing the little hyacinth into the pot and packing soil around the base.

You miss Joshua, you miss his smile, and more than anything, you miss his laugh. Right now, as you bathe in the memories of a man so far yet so close, you realize that you can miss him all you want, but you won’t forget. You can’t ever forget.

Ten months later and Joshua’s chest still aches, but he’s okay with that.

He sucks in heavy breaths as his lungs search for air on the fencing match, his trainer leaving the room, leaving Joshua after his request to take a break. Through the rush of blood in his ears, Joshua hardly hears the door behind him open.

“Mingyu told me you’ve been struggling with fencing recently,” his mother says, approaching him. Joshua shuffles in his fencing gear, throwing his helmet to the side.

“I’ve just hit a stump.”

“Something tells me this is more than just a stump,” she inquires as Joshua kicks off his boots.

Joshua scoffs, “What makes you say that?”

“Joshua, what’s wrong?”

He pauses, about to pull off his gloves when he looks up at the Queen. “Everyone in the Royal Counsel knows. I’m sure you know too.”

His mother sighs heavily when he stands up, and she follows him out the training room and toward the Residency Quart. There’s a silence that gaps the mother and son—not that Joshua isn’t used to it. He still smiles and grins, he hugs and he bows, and oftentimes it is genuine, but there’s a silence that always follows. A silence that he never forgets.

A silence he holds when he watches the same kitten you held cross his path when he walks through Sol Invictus, slightly bigger but just as nimble and heart warming. A silence he holds when his eyes gloss over the set of Percy Jackson books in the shelves of his room. A silence he holds when he sinks into his covers and presses his nose to the sheets, wondering if he’ll ever be able to taste your skin on his tongue again.

“I won’t ever understand what went on between you two,” his mother finally says.

“There isn’t anything for you to understand,” Joshua tells her, heading towards his room, but his mother stops him and he narrows his eyes. “What? I felt bad for her, alright? When I saw her all those years ago when it all happened out in the gardens—”

“Joshua, what are you talking about?”

“That’s what you want to know, right? Why I talked to her? Why I—I love her?” His mother gives him a stern look, but Joshua doesn’t relent. He’s starting to realize he’s been too comfortable with this silence. “I never asked you to understand it, but I’ll tell you anyway. Maybe because I pitied her or felt sorry for her or all the same stuff, and maybe I didn’t think she deserved to be ostracized for something she never did but—whatever. I’m not asking you to understand, but I am asking you to leave it alone.”

“You’re my son, Joshua.”

The Queen is Joshua’s mother and she doesn’t understand. She may never understand, and Joshua is okay with that because if he’s being honest, he doesn't think anyone will ever understand. He’s okay with that too.

You will understand, and for him, that’s enough.

You get two letters from the Royal Counsel in your lifetime. You received the first over a year ago—the one you opened with Mr. Min standing across from you in his little bookstore under dingy lights and over the dusty counter. The one you crumpled up and tossed into the dustbin without as much as a second though. The one that led you down a long, winding path which brought you to Joshua.

You receive the second now, standing in your apartment as you look down, except this time you aren’t staring at a paper, you’re staring at the screen of your laptop. You giggle quietly to yourself; Joshua must have taken the Royal Counsel up on still sending letters.

You’ve only looked at the subject of the email so far. It’s got your name and the word “request” written in bold, and you wonder what they want.

Glossing over the text, a wave of nostalgia washes over you. “The Hong Royal Counsel wishes to find you well, as we present a request.” Same shit, huh? “You will have the opportunity to lead a project as you please and earn a notable compensation in payment for your efforts.” Yeah, pretty much.

It’s the same thing, you realize. They want you back—for what, you aren’t sure, but you have a feeling that it doesn’t really matter. Because signed, at the bottom of the email isn’t the usual, “Hong Royal Counsel,” but instead is, “Hong Royal Family.”

The little sun emblem sits below the signatures of the King and Queen, and you press your eyes shut and hold the screen close to your chest, silently praying under your breath that is not a dream.

You don’t know what happened, don’t know what Joshua told them, but to be frank, you don’t care. You’re smart enough to read between the lines.

I don’t understand, they're telling you, But that doesn’t mean I can’t try.

It’s your first day at the castle. Well, your second first day.

When you park your car at the base of the hill, you smile down at the silk over your waist. You abandoned the new ribbon sent to you by the Court, instead donning the one that came to you in a little white box ten months ago. Sometimes, when you hold it close enough, you still think you can smell Joshua’s skin.

You wonder how long you’ll have to wait for him, but as you look up at the sky, you have your answer.

Something speaks to you when you return to 77. Mr. Park is still gruff and cranky but you swear you see the peek-a-boo of a smile on his lips when you walk in. Jihoon’s there too, he greets you regularly.

And of course there’s Seokmin who is hugging you so tight, it reminds you that he is a full grown man and not a child trapped in a large body. You think he almost cries when he laughs with you about how he almost killed the yarrows again (but he brought them back to life! Trust!), and then he beams and tells you that you gotta check out Sol Invictus.

It’s beautiful.

Bright hyacinths that line from east to west and your heart is happy because Seokmin told you he’d get everyone to finish planting them and he did. The purple petals let wind whistle through its stems and leaves, the rustling echoing off the walls of the castle that surround Sol Invictus.

The water of Eridenus gleams under the sun, the stone of your pathways glows brightly, and as your eyes flicker around, you notice something new. In each corner field of Sol Invictus, sits a medium sized sculpture, each of a pegasus but all slightly different in pose and manner.

And then you see him, his back facing you, standing in front of one of the statues that sits in one of the fields on the west end.

Walk the line.

Tracing the pathways—your pathway—from East to West with your shoes clacking their short heels against the tiles—you know he can hear you, but still, he doesn’t move. His hands are neatly holding each other behind his back as his neck tilts slightly upward to stare up at the pegasus.

“Aethon, Aeos, Pyrois, and Phlegon,” Joshua says when you finally stop next to him, shoulders barely brushing against each other. “This one is Pyrois.”

“Helios’ pegasi,” you murmur, glossing over the fine details and intricacies of the statue.

“I thought you might like them.”

You don’t say anything for a moment and grin, watching his eyes light up from the corner of your vision. “I love them.”

“Thank god. You were taking so long to respond, I thought you were going to yell at me for fucking up Sol Invictus.”

You laugh and shake your head, both of you shuffling as you face each other.

“Hi,” you say so lightly it comes out as a breathy laugh when you both finally look each other in the eye.

“Sunshine.” Joshua smiles, holding out his hand. The light is warm when it hits your skin, and Joshua’s dark hair glints a light brown under the beams. You take his hand and run your fingers over the calluses of his palm; his skin is warm when his fingers grasp around yours and as you look at his eyes, you feel it in your bones.

This is Joshua, this is Joshua, and every path you follow will always lead you back to him.

find an alternate ending here!

edit. thanks 4 making it this far! if ur interested i expand on the concept of an isohel more here and little tidbits here, and it's honestly just a ramble but i hope it makes clear why i made some decisions w the story if ur interested :3 a/n. aaah it's done! as per em's request, i will be posting a one-shot of these two and their lives in the future bc i feel like i robbed u guys of a possibly fluffier ending so keep an eye out for that ... anyways, i hope u enjoyed, comments / reblogs would mean the world to me and >_< thank u for reading!

taglist. @synthetickitsune @ixayjun @leejihoonownsmyheart @dahliatopia @gyuswhore @hoeforcheol @5xiang @hajimelvr @miriamxsworld @blinkjunhui @lixiel0ver @josefines-things @mimisxs @kawennote09 @bbyjjunie @rubyreduji @todorokiskitten @98-0603 @hipsdofangirl @minnie-mouser22 @minhui896 @whippedforjihoon @nishloves @woozarts (strikethrough could not be tagged)

#joshua hong #seventeen joshua #hong jisoo #hong jisoo xreader #hong jisoo x reader #joshua x you #joshua x reader #seventeen imagines #joshua #joshua hong angst #joshua hong fanfic #joshua hong fluff #hong joshua x reader #hong joshua #hong joshua smut #kpop fanfic #kpop fluff #kpop angst #svt fanfic #svt fluff #svt angst #seventeen fanfic #seventeen x reader #seventeen angst #kpop #📝 writing #isohel

[simpxxstan]

double take

pairing: prince!joshua x f.reader

genre: angst, fluff, smut, childhood friends to lovers, arranged marriage au, royalty au

summary: some lovers are star-crossed. some are destined to rise from the ashes. and some lovers are bound together by duty, but lovers nevertheless. joshua hong thinks fate is too cruel, but little does he know, that there are stars moving to keep his destiny alive.

word count: 22.7k

rating: 18+ (mdni please!) 

warning: there's a ton of angst. death of wonwoo, who is joshua's brother, in the past (not graphic), smut warnings: mentions of masturbation, vaginal penetration, nipple play. alcohol and heartbreak. wonwoo is gay. reader has some body image issues, some descriptions of a midsize body and insecurities related to that.

a/n: i poured my heart and soul into this. took me over two months to complete. i hope you enjoy this!

p.s. there are lyrics from ten songs in this fic. i hope you can find the songs! else, i can link them later if you can't find out or guess them. i'd recommend listening to them while reading their particular parts, really sets the mood.

i. 

알잖아 우리 사이엔 말보다 더 중요한 게 있잖아 

“You know, there are more important things between us than words”

As soon as the doors open, everyone gasps in awe, looking at you with adoration, jealousy, and sentiment all at the same time. The numerous cameras flash, there are audible gasps spreading across the room, the Choir instantly starts playing the traditional music played at a wedding. The room is decked up in pink and white roses, your favourite, and there are beautiful lights decorating the entire room. The glistening white sparkles off the floor, the walls, the tiles and the decor. Your parents already have their eyes moist; your friends are smiling widely, as they stand with their bouquets ready as the bridesmaids. The entire room beams with the joy of the wedding of the century. 

And yet, he, whose attention you seek, does not even flick an eyelash. His deer eyes remain curved upward in what you know is a fake smile of endearment, his lips pursed in a false look of affection. You know he does for the cameras, he knows you know it too. You feel he doesn’t really want to be here, he knows you feel it too. You hadn’t expected him to really want this, and yet your heart had hoped against hope. But he had not proved you wrong. 

Prince Joshua wants to be anywhere but here. 

Prince Joshua wants to be with anyone but you. 

Prince Joshua wants to do anything but this farce. 

The Choir starts a new song, indicating that it is time for you to step forward towards the altar, where the priest is waiting for you. Your to-be husband is waiting for you. As your heart aches, you make your way towards him, your eyes avoiding his at all costs, while his remain fixed on you. He’s searching for something. An equal apathy towards this wedding? An equal irritation towards the partner? Any hope that you’d call this event off right now and free him for the torture? Last night you had almost been tempted to do so, thinking that at least now he would not treat you as poorly as he had been treating you for the last five months. But you know too well, you cannot give him that satisfaction. 

You’re too in your head through the rituals, hardly paying attention to what vows he makes, barely caring about the reactions of the audience, not even listening to the priest’s statements. You were spiralling, trying to avoid his gaze which was fixated on you. 

Oh god, can we get over this fast?

“Do you, Joshua Hong Jisoo, take Kim Y/N as your duly wedded wife?” 

Is this even a question? This interviewer in my dream gets dumber and dumber. Obviously, it’s a-

“Yes.”

You’re quickly snapped into focus when the answer makes you realise this is not a dream. The priest now asks you, “And do you, Kim Y/N, take Joshua Hong Jisoo as your duly wedded husband?”

This is the moment. You breathe in, breathe out. It’s a millisecond to disaster. 

“Yes, I do.”

_

Joshua had not foreseen this moment five months ago when he had been called back to his country at midnight, after an emergency call from his mother. Brain dulled with grief, thoughts about you had definitely crossed his mind, but not in this way. He had only thought of how you must be coping up with the news, given that you had been next to Wonwoo when the accident had taken his life. He wondered, if it felt like his heart was being ripped out of his body for him, how much worse was it for you. On returning to the palace, he had seen your lifeless face, staring at the night sky, a look he had never seen on your otherwise bright face. 

Living away from his family for the past 7 years meant he was not feeling the grief as actively as his parents and you, who had spent much more time with Wonwoo these few years. He knew he would have to comfort his family, but he had no idea how. How could one comfort a mother of the loss of her youngest son? How could one comfort a father from the death of the apple of his eye? How could one comfort a woman who had just lost her dearest best friend and fiance?

To any other royal offspring, these would seem the most worrisome responsibilities. However, to Joshua, who had willingly given up his throne to his younger brother, who, he was confident, would be able to rule much better, the thought of becoming the Crown Prince was the most daunting. When he had turned sixteen, his father had asked him whether he wanted to become the Crown Prince. Almost immediately he had said no, convincing him to let Wonwoo take the lead. At the age of nineteen, when Wonwoo had come of age to become the Crown Prince, Joshua had left for the States to continue his education. At the age of twenty-two, when he had returned to his homeland for a 6 months break, the longest since leaving for the States, he had realised how good his decision had been to let Wonwoo take over. Wonwoo had both skill and the youthful spirit the people of the kingdom needed. His calmer and smarter personality meant he could shoulder the responsibilities better than Joshua ever felt he could. Plus, Wonwoo was a crowd favourite, being the maknae of the Royal Family, and yet the smartest of the lot, as his parents and elder brother had tagged him affectionately. 

The public had, of course, not taken Wonwoo’s death well. They had been incredibly supportive of Wonwoo becoming the Crown Prince over Joshua (their polls on social media had been another reason Joshua had left) but now it was just augmented as the general image for Joshua was that of the Prince who had Fled. Princes had to be strong, mentally and physically. Careful, enigmatic, and visionary, like Wonwoo. Not deer-eyed, delicate, and cowardly, like Joshua.

Why should we trust anyone who ran away from his duties of being the eldest, to rule us well?

Indeed, the modern Royal Family had stepped past the norms of age hierarchy, but the mathyung usually took up the reins of royal duty. Instead, Joshua had effectively fled from his duties, not just stepped down and aside. He had been away from his country for a solid 7 years, how would he ever know what the people needed? They strongly protested against Joshua becoming the Crown Prince now, but there were no other progeny left to take up the responsibility.

Needless to say, the entire country was mourning the loss of Wonwoo desperately, albeit for different reasons.  

Joshua had soon realised that he had no time to grieve. As soon as the funeral was over, he had to get to work. But how would he survive in this earthquake shaking up his life? 

The first step was getting up-to-date with everything that had happened in the country when he was away. Some of it, he knew. Learning the rest was not a tough task. After dropping out of the PhD program he was pursuing in the USA, he had ample free time in his hand to learn every new fact his advisors fed him. 

The second step was understanding how royalty worked. Having stepped down from his duties as a teenager meant he had never received training per se. He had to relearn traditional etiquette he had forgotten, familiarise himself with the advisors and royal support system, and thoroughly practise his new duties.

The third step, of course, was making himself popular and loved among the public. The PR team had come up with a long list of actions he should consider to improve his public image. His parents had rejected many of them as unnecessary, and said, "There's only one thing to be done. Marry Y/N."

Joshua had looked at his own parents incredulously. How could they suggest such a step? 

When you all were children, he had considered you nothing more than a playmate. An interesting woman, intelligent, witty and warm, a rare combination, he had realised, as he had made acquaintances with more and more people. Of course, you were always closer to Wonwoo. Joshua had known you would end up marrying each other. Everyone had already planned out your wedding with Wonwoo before you had even turned thirteen. Hence your engagement with the Crown Prince last year, had come as no shock to anyone. 

Over the years he had come to consider you as a friend. One he met only during summer breaks, always by the side of his little brother. Lately, he had tried to think of you as a sister-in-law. It was funny that he hadn't thought of you as that sooner. He had anticipated the engagement anyway. 

"I'm sorry, that's not a possibility I want to consider."

"Why?" Your father had asked you.

"She's my sister-in-law. My little brother's intended. This would be the worst way to take his place."

"Jisoo-"

"No. If you want me to marry someone, I'll be ready for whoever you choose fit. Just not Y/N."

And yet here he was. Swearing his wedding vows to you. Destiny had really done him dirty.

_

If you had thought the wedding was a trial, the wedding ball was like the guillotine. Under the attention of at least three million people and a million more cameras, your cheekbones ached from putting up the fake smile. Joshua was nearly always at your side, making small talk with the numerous people who had come to wish you congratulations, ranging from the common people to the elite crowds. His body was inexplicably close to yours, but never touching. You could smell his perfume, but never hear his breathing. You could see his smiles, but never feel the warmth. 

You knew why he was marrying you. The country needed a royal leader who knew them and related with them. Joshua was a westernised man, who forgot to bow on most occasions, forgot to speak formally sometimes, forgot even the most difficult letters of the Hangul script sometimes. You were the perfect mix to satisfy that gap- the daughter of the royal counsel, not even the offspring of a royal clan, educated in Hangul history by your own choice, and a close friend of the Princes. You were well aware that your engagement with Wonwoo had been immensely popular- the result being that you had already become the official face and honorary member for many societies and organisations of the kingdom. 

And now that Wonwoo was gone, but obviously, you had been requested by the King and the Queen to marry Joshua. 

And you had taken it in your stride. It was another responsibility for you to fulfil towards your people, who you had become quite affectionate towards since becoming the Crown Prince's fiance; towards your parents, who had dreamt of you becoming Princess since you had developed a friendship with the young Prince; and towards Wonwoo, who you knew had wanted this match since your first Spring Dance, when both of you had guessed each other's secrets a little too accurately. 

You knew Joshua would never love you. And frankly speaking, you hadn’t expected love in this kind of setup. Even when agreeing to marry Wonwoo, you had zero romantic feelings for him, only seeing him as your best friend. And when your best friend asks you to rule the kingdom at his side, to be his companion in the tough times, to be his closest person forever, how could you ever say no?

And so, you had agreed to this arrangement with Joshua. You had imagined that he would be equally practical as you, and see this as a familial duty he had to complete. You had imagined he would at least be courteous, friendly and civil with you.

But you were, oh, so wrong. He had been anything but civil with you these five odd months. 

_

If the wedding had been disappointing, then the dance after the wedding was … just sad. As Joshua stepped closer to you, his aura radiating with the white suit he had donned for this day, he could feel your breath heavy on your face. Free from the burden of conversation (usually, ladies would keep pestering him with questions and sad, unsuccessful, forceful attempts at flirting with him). He remembered hearing from the dressmaker how you had fussed about each detail of the dress, but Joshua had no doubt, every version would’ve looked good on you. And all that fuss had definitely paid off: the sweetheart neckline showed off your collarbones beautifully. Your neck was empty save one diamond pendant (which the royal family had gifted to you on your eighteenth birthday, how sweet of you to wear this memory on this special day). There were tiny flowers in your hair, bright yellows against the dark brown. Then there were your cherry lips-

“Joshua.” He sees those lips mould themselves into his name first, and then hears them (light did travel faster than sound). “Hmm?” He whispers back, his voice gravelly from the fake laughs he had to laugh through the day. “I think I just… sprained my ankle.”

It doesn’t register in his mind at first. 

A millisecond later, you’re suddenly tripping and wincing, and it hits him. His first instinct is to pick you up in his arms and take you away from the room, afraid that if you have to walk your injury may worsen. His second instinct is to signal to your aide from the corner of the huge hall. His third instinct is to drop the hand from your shoulder and call out loudly for help. 

But he follows his first instinct. Picks you up, in the bridal style the audience had been waiting to see all day. There are swoons and gasps all around, but the most surprising reaction is from you. He half expects you to thrash him, or even screech out. But you only gasp and quickly start saying something, in a low tone that he can’t properly catch, so heavy- why’re you doing this- Joshua- put me down- I’m okay- just- ugh!- argh!- Joshua please. He tunes your voice out, breathy and desperate. He tunes out the noises in the hall. He tunes out his assistants and bodyguard stepping closer to you both, trying to understand the emergency. He just focuses on you. 

Your mouth spelling out different words, your eyes widening in surprise, your cheeks becoming red with embarrassment. The way you keep protesting and yet your hands clutch his shoulders. The way your dress rides up to reveal the culprit ankle. The way your hair moves when he walks towards the door, and straight up the stairs, time passing painfully fast, and yet slow enough for him to truly feel close to you for the first time, on this day which is meant to be so special to both of you. 

But when he reaches your room, he gently brings you down to the floor, your aide already by his side. “What has happened, Your Highness?” “Y/N seems to have sprained her ankle,” Joshua says as he leans you against the sofa, carefully stepping back, allowing your maids to gather around you like fireflies. 

“I just… I don’t usually wear such high heels… I’m not used to them. So while I was dancing-” He can see your face flush, your eyes blinking rapidly, gulping after every word, and avoiding his eye. He almost smiles endearingly, at your little movements. But he dares not, lest you think he’s mocking you. 

“You don’t have to explain Y/N. It’s natural. Jiyoung, please do not let the Royal Princess wear high heels again,” he addresses your aide. 

“Can you speak to the guests? I’ll be down as soon as possible, Joshua.”

“Y/N, can you not fret? Come down when you can. And I’d honestly feel better if you didn’t come down, and instead took rest. It’s anyway been a long day for you.” 

And he leaves the room, his long suit flowing behind him, as he puts on his best smile for the worried guests waiting downstairs, ignoring the immense urge to go back to your room, remove those bloody heels and take your delicate foot in his hands, to see exactly what was paining you. 

_

To say that you were surprised would be an understatement. Uneasy. Skittish. Shocked. Your heart pounding in your chest. The absence of the warmth of his touch. The ghost of concern in his eyes when he had carried you through the hall. 

Oh, how shameful. 

As a woman of public presence, you had never cared about your image, nor your appearance. You knew the rumours about your weight, how your broad shoulders were just like Wonwoo, just like any man, how your hips looked like you’d given birth three times over, how you were utterly unfitting for the beauty standards of the kingdom. But you could care less about these statements- you simply had no time for beauty, and no value for looks. 

And yet when Joshua had picked you up, quite effortlessly, if you may add, your heart had skipped a beat, your brain a neuron, and all you could think of was how embarrassing it was. How he must be regretting this grand gesture as soon as he realised just how heavy you were, how he was doing this all under public scrutiny just to keep the audience happy, how he must be feeling burdened with the thoughts of handling the party alone. Your guilt had just driven your embarrassment to greater heights, until you were speechless and unable to do anything. You had searched for any sign of discomfort, irritation, or regret on his face, but they had completely disappeared- in fact, those had been all the emotions you had seen in the last few months, but at that moment, Joshua seemed like a different man. Could it be… no. You wouldn’t let your foolish heart take flight again, like the thirteen year old you would have. 

Sadly, Joshua was right. Your ankle felt better after the medic had checked it and given you a painkiller, but there was no escaping the dull lull of sleep clenching on to your eyes as soon as those awful shoes were off and the tight gown had been relaxed on your body to make you comfortable. It had truly been a long day, and your brain was on overdrive with all the overwhelming events of the day. Too many thoughts confusing you.

Will he be disappointed in me? I can’t consummate the marriage. Does he think I balked on him today? For all he knows, I might as well have feigned the injury to cling on to him like a desperate woman, or worse, run off from the party organised in our honour. Did he think I was pretty today? What will the public think about me now that I’ve run away from my own wedding party? Wedding… you’re married to Joshua Hong now… for good. But would he ever consider you his wife?

To avoid the thoughts from spiraling into worse demons, you let yourself fall into the easy trap of sleep. 

_

ii. 

당신이 그리워하는 것은 그대일까? (그대일까?)

아니면 미화된 기억 저편의 그때일까? (그대일까?)

“Is it you that you miss? (Is it you?)

Or is it that time on the other side of the glorified memory? (Is it you?)”

That night, Joshua Hong could think of no one but you. Tired, and yet, sleep eluded him. You had sent no word of feeling better, obviously annoyed that he had encroached upon your private space like that by picking you up- oh god, what had he been thinking- and he had felt too shy to visit you to take news about your well being. But oh, when he paced about in his room, all he could think of was how beautiful you had looked today. Although your eyes were sad, with the burden of the wedding, and your body weak, with the worry and tires of royal life, and your heart aching, with your best friend, and quite probably your lover, gone and replaced way too soon by an unwanted man… you were still just as beautiful as the first time he had met you. 

That was what he dreamt of that night. 

You were wearing a yellow skirt, which had twirled in the wind like a sunflower standing tall in a windy field. The day had been gloomy, but your presence had lit it up. He was all but fourteen years old, and you were just eleven. But just your smile had been enough to teach him what infatuation was. 

And then, what jealousy was. When he saw you spend more time with Wonwoo, being closer in age to him and sharing more interests with him.

And then, what longing was. When all he saw of you were brief glimpses in the corridors as you would play hide and seek with his brother. When all he heard of you were hums of your laughter when you would beat Wonwoo in a video game, teaching him the tricks of winning battleship wars. When all he wanted was to speak to you, address this funny feeling in his chest whenever he saw you, but you never gave him a moment to continue the conversation from greetings. Always too eager to leave, always too shy to make eye contact. 

But soon he had gotten over the crush- his puberty had settled in now, he was no longer troubled by rushed infatuations over younger girls. He had decided to focus on studies, having already made up his mind to abdicate the throne. He would meet you from time to time, generally accompanied by Wonwoo, as you were his best friend now, and sometimes by Mingyu, your twin brother and Wonwoo’s classmate. 

You were also growing fast- into a more serious lady. Gone were the giggles, they were replaced by crescent-eyed grins and shy, mature smiles. Objectively, he found you very attractive. But your closeness with Wonwoo had made it obvious to him that your heart belonged to his younger brother, and gently he had started seeing you as a friend. It was a status he was happy with for he knew you were the best for Wonwoo. And he had himself moved on. Once he had blossomed into adolescence, there was no end of women and men waiting for him to give them some attention. Although he hadn't given up on true love, a couple of one-night adventures would harm none. Especially when he was in the States. No one to stop him, no one to shit-talk about him. A stone gathering no moss, wary of a fire to melt the core.

Until he had returned and seen you.

_

It was well past midday when you woke up. You felt really refreshed, and were on the verge of breaking into a happy mood, when you realise exactly what day it was. 

The morning after your wedding. Your wedding day. Gosh. All the memories of last evening came flooding by, and you put your hands to your face in embarrassment.

“Y/N-ah!” followed by a loud thumping. 

You hear your twin brother, Mingyu’s voice from the other side of the doors, probably waiting for you to wake up and respond, or break down the door himself. So you call back, “Yeah, I’m awake!” The door opens swiftly, and your giant brother walks in with the weirdest look on his face. It’s a mix of worry, happiness, pride, and teasing. You can read him like a book, ugh. 

“About time, my loveliest sister. Everyone’s looking for you. Quite the drama you can stir up huh? Who knew you had it in you?” He sits by you, and smiles fondly, knowing very well how his words are burning you. “I know, I’m sorry for the mess.” He reaches out, holding your arm as you sit up in bed. “Hey, there’s no need to be sorry. How are you feeling?”

“Hmm, better I think. Let me try and move my leg.” And you gently kick him, taking him by surprise as he falls out of the bed. You laugh even harder at the look on his face. “Yaah! Aren’t you supposed to be injured?!” “It must not be serious, I can actually move it well now. Should I practice once more?” “Yaaah, Kim Y/N! If you’re going to take advantage of being the royal princess by KICKING ME, I’m going to take you to court!” “Now aren’t you taking advantage of being the royal counsel?” And you both are laughing fondly. It’s truly been a moment since you last sat with Mingyu, carefree like this. You only realise now how heavy the burden of the wedding was. 

But it’s certainly not the end of the burden. This is going to go on for a long time now. Forever, if you’re fortunate. 

A small face peeks at the open door, and you instinctively wrap the blanket around your body to hide yourself. It’s been a shy habit since childhood, avoidance and displeasure in sudden interactions, but when you see the face belongs to your fian- husband, Joshua, you nod at him, asking him to come in. And he looks as immaculate as ever. Hair brushed back, your wedding ring on his finger, his dapper brooch shining against the black suit he’s wearing. Mingyu breaks the ice, “And why are you so dressed up early in the morning, Hyung?” “Simply because he can,” you whisper to him, and you both giggle. Your faces are mirror images of each other, when you realise Joshua couldn’t hear what you had whispered and hence had a puzzled look in his eyes. “I- I’ve a meeting with the council in, like, 15 minutes. And it’s not early in the morning. It’s already noon.” “Noon is a fine time to be in bedclothes, Hyung, in case you didn’t know,” and Mingyu waves a goodbye to you as he leaves you both alone, winking at the other man in the room. 

And then there’s a silence. 

It’s not even a pause. It’s like a semibreve rest, which is stretched bar onto bar using more tied rests. 

And then there’s a disharmonious note clanging through the silence. 

“How’s your leg?”

“Hmmm, better. Thank you.”

“Huh? Thanking me for what?”

You chuckle. “For asking, I guess. But I mean, more generally. Thanks for letting me rest yesterday and handle the event.”

“Yeah I couldn’t let your injury worsen, could I? That wouldn’t be very… husband-like of me.” He makes brief eye contact when saying the h-word, but breaks it immediately, frisking about in the room. You bite your lip. It’s exactly like you thought. He had done it for the cameras.

“Is there anything else…”

“Oh yeah. Just - no rush, obviously,” he explains in the warmest tone ever, his eyes wide, “But the council is asking me about coronation dates.”

“Coronation?”

“Yeah, as the Royal Prince and the Princess.”

“Oh.”

“I understand it’s too soon since Wonwoo-”

“No it’s okay. We should get it over with. Whenever the council suggests, I’m cool with it.”

“Okay then.”

“Umm, also Joshua?”

“Yeah, Y/N?”

Can you give me a peck on my forehead?

“Can there be a way to make up to you for the hassle you bore for me last evening? I’m really embarrassed and ashamed.”

He smiles, so smug and aware of how nervous you are. “No, Y/N. I didn’t do a favour on you. It was what my- my brain asked me to do.”

And he leaves, almost immediately, without giving you a chance to breathe out his scent that lingers so longingly in the room. 

_

iii. 

“You're my paradise, my own paradise

Everytime I look into those angel eyes”

You clearly remembered your first day of middle school. You had joined a new school, an elite school by all means. Your classmates were all nobility and you felt out of place among such crowds, considering how your mother had only recently been promoted to the position of the assistant to the royal counsel. But a stroke of luck ensured that your first day in the new school went off better than you could have ever dreamt of. Because you had met Jeon Wonwoo, the maknae prince, and he was the boy assigned to sit on the bench alongside yours. And although you were too shy to speak to him, he had extended the hand of friendship by lending you a pencil in the second class of the day. 

And then sharing your lunch with you. You two were the only ones sitting alone in the canteen, while the rest had all begun mingling in groups. You had asked if he was unwell. He had said that this wasn’t uncommon, he preferred to eat alone. You had joked about the girls who were sending him looks from the other table and were giggling endlessly. He had smirked, saying he knew it already. You were scandalised, how could he ignore them and let them suffer in this illusion? He smiled, saying he enjoyed the attention. You had asked why he didn’t initiate any conversation with them or even friendzone them. He had simply said, they’re too silly for my time. I can’t talk about nails and hair and dresses. I don’t even know the difference between light purple and dark purple, for god’s sake. And you had laughed out loud, finding your first common dislike for pick-me teenage girls whose conversations centered about appearances and crushes. 

That was the first of your many common dislikes, to be honest. And that was how you had become the best of friends, since then. 

Wonwoo had been by your side throughout, as had you been for him. And although everyone thought your relationship was more than friendship, you both knew very well that you were the best of friends and nothing more, without any regrets or disappointments. For Wonwoo had been, surprisingly, madly, crazily in love with your twin brother, Mingyu. 

You knew Mingyu was oblivious as hell. You also knew that Wonwoo preferred it to remain that way, finding security in secrecy. Even you had found out by accident, but of course how did he think he could ever hide it from you. 

You had gotten drunk for the first time at the age of sixteen, the night when his father had informed him that he had to start training for becoming the Crown Prince. “Y/N, I’m already tired of this.” “Hmm, I guess I do understand why your brother stepped out.” “I know right! The responsibility far outweighs any privileges that I can get!” 

You had laughed at his indignant words, “Yaah, what else do you want?” “Y/N-ah, are material pleasures the only thing one can desire?” “It's what most people desire, Wonwoo. There are very few other things that can make a human happy.” “Such as?” “Love. Family. Friendship,” and you had squeezed his warm hand, showing that you were there for him. “I already have most of that.” “And you’ll find love as well.” 

There was a pregnant pause. 

“I have. For a long time now.”

You thought you’d become sober with the kind of shock this information sent to your brain. You jumped up in excitement, and squealed, “Who?!” He had smiled widely at your excitement, pushing up his glasses. 

“I can’t tell you.” 

“Ayy. Don’t be shy now.” “Nope. You cannot-” “Wonwoo!!!!! Don’t be such a spoilsport! I’ll kick your ass if you don’t tell me. We had sworn, no secrets!” He smirked, “Yes of course! The day I discovered your diary entries about hyung-” “Shh! Enough of me!” “Why are you embarrassed now?” “Because that was so long in the past. But your love- it’s in the present. We have to cultivate it.” “Jeez, Y/N. It’s not a crop.” “It is, you dimwit. Now tell me,” you shook his shoulders, borderline violent with curiosity. 

But then there was a change in mood. Wonwoo began biting his lower lip, a telltale sign of embarrassment. “You don’t have to worry, hey. I’m your best friend. I’m never going to tell a soul. Not even my brother!”

He had stared at you as if you had said something wrong. 

“How do you know?”

“Huh?” 

It took three seconds for you to join the dots. But of course! How could you be so blind!

“You like Mingyu?” 

Wonwoo’s face swelled up in bright red, he turned his entire body away from you. Finding his reaction endearing, you hugged him from the back. “Hey. It’s okay. Don’t be embarrassed.”

He still didn’t turn back. “I- I like a boy.” 

“Wonwoo! That’s hardly something to be embarrassed about.”

“I can never tell my parents. Hell, I can’t even tell Mingyu. He’s straight as fuck.” You could hear his breath getting labored in his agitation. He swiftly turned around and clasped your hands. “Y/N. Promise me you’ll never tell him. Please.” 

And you had promised him. With complete sincerity. 

You have seen Mingyu cry plenty of times. When a dog had scratched his knee (he had only tried to play with it). When he had lost his passport (but found it again three minutes later). When you had slapped him for breaking your guitar (you had torn the love letters he had received on Valentine’s Day for he was acting too smug about them). 

But today, there are no tears in his eyes, when he prays for Wonwoo at his funeral. Just a blank face and lifeless eyes, which you know to be hiding so much. Wonwoo’s death had affected Mingyu a lot, albeit not as much as you, but Wonwoo had still been the closest he had to a friend of his own age, when he had been introduced into the world of nobility just like you. Since then, you had seen Mingyu become distracted, drinking alone in the house after midnight, avoiding any gatherings, and delved deep into his work. And today, even when the world perceives him as unaffected and heartless, you know just how broken he feels, by the paleness in his eyes and the weak shaking of his fingers. 

On your other side is Joshua. He, like Mingyu, is also stoic, but you can hear his muffled sniffles. He’s softer than both Mingyu and Wonwoo, and you’re surprised he can hold back his grief. But you guess he has to, considering his completely broken down parents standing in front of him. They seem to lose all control over their feelings as they cry and pray for their son’s peaceful afterlife. 

You’re also crying. Joshua knows you are, and he’s looking at you more than once in a minute. One time, you look back at him, and he immediately puts his hand in yours. You don’t question the sudden gesture of affection, you don’t care enough about it. All you care about is the illusion your heart keeps feeding your brain that you’re not alone even if Wonwoo’s gone. You hold on Joshua’s pinky finger for dear life, and let the tears roll down your cheeks, whispering mumbled prayers as the priests keep on talking. 

_

“It’s so nice to see you after years.” Joshua smiles at your words, his eyes crinkling at the edges as he drinks in the warmth of your presence. It feels so good to be around familiar people in this now unfamiliar world, where everyone seemed to be accusing him for something or the other. 

“Likewise, Y/N. How are you holding up?” He is indicating to your life after Wonwoo’s passing away. “Just about. Your parents want me to go to therapy,” you chuckle, but he thinks his parents aren’t saying the wrong thing. “You should, though. You were his literal best friend and fiance. If anyone needs support, it's you.” “It’s okay. If I really felt that weak, I would’ve taken the support, trust me. But I don’t. I don’t know… maybe because it’s Wonwoo? I feel like… even if he’s not with me, he’ll always be with me.” “Yeah, he does have that, doesn’t he? The little hand on your back all the time. It feels like that to me too.” “Then you understand.” 

And there had been silence. Until you had addressed the elephant in the room. 

“I’ve accepted the King’s proposal. I think it’s only fair for him to request me to marry you.”

He stumbles, trips and almost falls. Then he pauses on the walk, and looks at you. “Y/N. I think he’s being cruel, and you can honestly tell me if you feel so too. You don’t have to worry about your brother’s position-”

“Oh no!” You smile, a weak smile that doesn’t reach your cheekbones. “I don’t worry about Mingyu. I know he’ll survive in the system even if I’m kicked out. I was anyway thinking it’s high time I got kicked out, though. I have no use here anyway. I guess being your wife can be the only reason I stay in.”

You say the words so casually, his fingers burn with electricity. He can’t fathom why you’re so relaxed about it. But you read his mind, “Joshua. I’ve never really… looked for love. So it’s okay if this marriage is loveless. But I do care about Wonwoo. Sorry… did care about Wonwoo. And I think he would want me to support you in any way I can to help you settle down in this new responsibility that’s been dumped on you.”

“Y/N. Please, you don’t have to be so understanding.”

“Joshua, all I’m saying is that I’m okay with whatever arrangement this becomes. If you have qualms, I totally get that. You may not be ready for marriage- or,” he notices the slight change in pitch, “you may like someone else. If that is the case, you can tell me honestly and I’ll step back. I’m not a golddigger,” you laugh, quite sarcastic and bitter though. 

“Y/N, are you sure about this?”

“I am.”

“I’m not, but I’m willing to do it.”

And then you extend your hand to him, and he doesn’t know what to do. Are you asking him to hold your pretty fingers? Or admire the gold bracelet adorning your lithe wrist? Or-

“God, Joshua. You won’t even shake hands with me?”

He doesn’t know why his heart falls. He shakes hands with you, and laughs about his error, before you divert the topic into other matters. He’s so unfocused, mind going back to how soft your hand had felt in yours. 

Your hand feels rougher. Almost as if it’s been burnt at the edges. You have been burnt, though, Joshua thinks, as he looks at your eyes, glimmering with tears shed and unshed, your parted lips, bursting with words said and unsaid, and your face pale with sadness. 

To keep himself distracted, he thinks about why your hand feels more rough. Hurt by the worries of the royal family you’ve been forced in? Uncared for in this palace which is not your home? Calloused with the scars of this burdensome relationship? He doesn’t know why there’s an increasing urge in his heart to try and change all of that, all to see you smile widely again. But it’s too daunting of a task, and Joshua is a coward. 

_

Days pass by quickly. Before you realise, you’ve been married for a month and you’re making your first public presence since that disastrous evening of your wedding. Public presence as a couple. It’s at a conference with leaders of neighbouring countries, where Joshua is expected to speak politics and economics and you’re expected to socialise with the women. But that’s hardly what happens. 

In preparation for this event, you two had met a couple of times in the last week. Your schedules never clashed, so you hardly met each other, but this time, you had made time to meet him. 

“Joshua, I’m not going to that conference to be a flower vase decorating you.”

He had been in the middle of a serious conversation with his secretary, but he signalled everyone out of the room as soon as he realised your mood was off after receiving the invitation to the conference. “No, you’re the Princess. You’re not going to be decorating me.” “I hope so. Joshua, I don’t mingle in your public affairs much, and I stick to the duties I’ve taken up, but I don’t want to be a trophy you carry around. I’m not fit for a trophy anyway-” he coughs, but you continue, “but most importantly, I’m a human with a brain. I need to be able to speak if I feel I want to speak.”

“And you shall. What’s gotten you so worked up?”

You falter for a second, not expecting him to yield so easily. You had expected him to put up a bit of a tantrum, exercising his authority as a Prince, but he seemed genuinely confused with your outburst. 

“I don’t know… nothing, I guess. It’s just that. Historically, our royal ladies haven’t spoken at public forums too much. I don’t want to be like that.”

“I don’t think you could ever be like that, Y/N. Even if God had pledged you to be so. You’re too intelligent to stay shut.”

He leans on his desk, and you take in a breath to see him. He’s looking marvellous. Although it’s late at night and you’re already exhausted and in your pyjamas, he seems to be still working, wearing semi-formal slacks and a shirt. Your breath hitches at the rolled up sleeves of his shirt, but he interrupts your thoughts. 

“I’ve actually been meaning to speak to you for a while.”

“About?”

“About… this. Like…” you can sense his hesitation, and you drop the arms you had folded to make him feel more relaxed. 

“The PR team is asking me to hold your hand… or things like that when we’re in public. To show we’re a newly wedded couple in love.”

“I’m sure the entire world knows that we’re not in love. I’m not some despo who’s in love with Wonwoo one day, and the next day, in love with you.” You almost miss the little wince he makes when you complete your sentence. “But if they ask us to be affectionate, I suppose we-”

“No. I don’t think either of us would be comfortable with it.”

“You’re right. I think holding hands would be the maximum we can go to.” Your voice is steeling up, your heart frozen. He nods in agreement. You say, “Goodnight then, Joshua. Sleep early. You look tired, I’ll ask them to get you some tea?”

“Coffee?” he whines, almost making you smile. “No, tea.” And you leave the room without further words.

_

Joshua can’t, in fact, wait for the day of the conference. He’s been trying to find excuses to meet you, see you, and talk to you, but he can’t bring himself to do it. It’s just like it used to be back then, seeing you in the corridors, sometimes in the gardens, meeting each other only once in a week. It seems nothing like a marriage to him, but it certainly feels more intimate than anything he’s ever done. Any sex he’s had. Any relationship he’s had. Anything. Because his face burns up simply from your presence in his vicinity. His heart pumps when you call out his name. His fingers tremble after any accidental touch between the two of you. It’s foolish, giddy, and distracting. It’s a crush, he thinks. It feels just like he was fourteen, and he would have feverish dreams of playing with your hair, wondering what you smelled like, wishing to hug you and feel your soft curves melt into him. He knows you’re an adult now, and yet the sensations in his heart are so soft and innocent that he’s taken aback himself. 

But all of that changes when he sees you in the black dress you’ve donned for the evening, as he comes to your room to ask if you’re ready to leave. You’re wearing pearls, matching the thin pearl necklace he has worn, and your wedding ring shines on your fingers. He wonders how you look just like paradise without any makeup or any fakeness. 

Shit. He has to spend the entire evening with you. He’s doomed.

_

If anyone thinks they’re doomed, it’s you. You think about it when Joshua walks into your chambers wearing a black turtleneck under a charcoal grey suit, and you wonder why you’ve not burnt up in flames yet. His outfit is so contrasting to his smile, which lilts into his beautiful deer eyes that you so loved to dream about as a teen. His bangs are off his forehead, and when he speaks you notice his lips more than what he’s actually saying. 

It doesn’t help that you both sit in the backseat, quite close to each other, on the ride to the venue. 

It doesn’t help when you hear him rolling out words in English, in the sexiest accent you have ever heard. 

It doesn’t help when he walks up on stage as the Guest of Honour to deliver his speech, looking like the man of the moment, and you can’t help the feeling of giddy pride bubbling into you. Maybe it’s the champagne. Maybe it’s you scorning the ladies ogling his beautiful figure on stage (he’s your husband, you think, not theirs). Maybe it’s you simply proud that he’s getting the attention he deserves. 

He’s finishing his speech, partly in English, partly in Korean. You can see the media personnel immediately raise their hands for questions. And then you feel your blood boil as each question pours in one-by-one. 

“Why does your country still have a monarchy in place? Don’t you think the lack of a democratic system is unfair to your people?”

“What steps are you taking to fill in the gap left behind by your younger brother, especially when you’re unfamiliar with your people now?”

“Do you plan on making Korea the next America? What will you do as the modern leader of the kingdom?”

They’re so intrusive, but Joshua has the sweetest and most patient smile on his face. “I’ll take your questions one by one, thank you.”

“Firstly, I think that there needs to be a clear understanding of what our governance looks like. We’ve held on to traditions and kept the monarchy intact, but what has become quite obvious, honestly, is that our government is not ruled by the king, but by what the people say. That is because all councils are elected into power, all the members of the governing body apart from the royal family are representatives of the people.”

Someone has the audacity to interrupt him, “But your country has the highest proportion of rich nobility controlling so many resources-”

“Please do not break me off mid-sentence. I’ll be patient and hear what you all have to say. That’s why I’m here, ain’t I?” That earns a soft laugh from the audience and shuts up the reporter. 

“I understand your concerns, but the statistics are incorrect. Every economy, every nation has a few members of the society who are powerful and have control over resources. It’s quite an open secret. Due to our transparency you know who they are in our country. In other countries, it’s quite often disguised in the form of benevolent capitalists and social change mongering politicians.” Another laugh from the audience. His sarcasm doesn’t go unappreciated. 

“But yes, it’s necessary to modernise Korea. I’ll simply be following in the footsteps of my younger brother, who understood the country so well. Apart from his contributions, I have so many programs lined up too. You’ll see them unfurling soon, I request you to be patient enough and allow me to find my footing. Anyway, I have my elected representatives and council members to help me in every step, and my wife’s opinions to guide my thoughts.” He pauses, and suddenly, you feel a blush rising up your cheeks as you feel the spotlight has shifted towards you. But your eyes are still on him, as he smiles the most dazzling smile, and you’re blinded. 

With the smile of course, not by the sudden adoration you feel surging in your heart. 

His wife. It’s not real, your brain overrides any silly loops of emotions your heart is riding in. It’s all for the show. Oh, but it feels so real. It feels so good. It’s all for the cameras. 

And then there is applause and the spotlights are out, and you’re back to reality. You bite your lip to hold back the tears. 

_

iv. 

한편의 명작, 하나의 실루엣

우리의 그림은 익어가 빨갛게

“One masterpiece, one silhouette

Our paintings are ripe and red”

Joshua Hong feels dirty and disgusted. He has been nothing but a pervert this past week, and he has no one except himself to blame for it. He wants to flip over and die and repeat that for a million times, but nothing can stop the thoughts that wander into his brain every night, after he finally finishes work. Thoughts in the shower. Thoughts while walking in the gardens. Thoughts while eating ice cream as a late night snack. Thoughts while lying down in his bed. 

Thoughts about you. 

He wanted to avoid them, he really did. He knew you didn’t want him. Not in that way, certainly. You had made that clear to him, ample number of times. And yet, he found himself wanting you. Was it the lack of sex and increased stress these last six months? Or was it that night in the conference that had triggered it all off?

That night, when he said it aloud for the first time you were his wife. He felt so proud, looking at you from the stage, as you sat so elegantly, so much more beautiful than any other woman in the room, hell, more beautiful than any other woman he had met. That night, something had changed, he felt, or maybe it was a figment of his imagination. He had felt you grazing his arms with your fingers more often, on the excuse of calling his attention. He had felt you staring at him for seconds longer than usual. He had felt you speaking to him more comfortably all evening. And he had felt like a teenage boy, almost like taking out his crush to his first prom. He had been so excited to fill up your plate with food during dinner, and had loved it when you had conversed with all the dignitaries at the conference, using the smartest and most technical terms ever. He could’ve honestly, orgasmed right there. 

And that had really triggered something off in him. That night, he had put his hands between his legs for the first time in months, and jerked himself off in his shower, thinking of your voice, your little movements and your incredible smartness. It wasn’t even physical, it was metaphysical, as he explained to himself the next morning, when the guilt hit him hard. It was a one-time thing, it won’t happen again, he had reasoned. 

But god, even the heavens didn’t want him to keep his promise.

The next morning, he was called to your room on an ‘emergency’. Turned out, it was a new plan for the dams that you had thought up that night. And you had opted to explain that technology to him wearing a night suit that left nothing to his imagination. Just one thin strap had to slip off and his dirty curiosity would be satisfied forever. Jeez, Joshua Hong. Get a grip on yourself. This is your brother’s lover, she doesn’t even like you back. 

But could any rational thought help him when all he could do was stare at your smooth arms and neck, revealed perfectly by the spaghetti tank top, and your thighs which were so beautiful he could-

“Joshua. Are you awake enough to even listen to me?”

God, what was that tone? Were you scolding him? For thinking illegal things about you? Yeah, you should, he thought with a swipe of his tongue over his parched lips, as he stared into your eyes, hidden behind a pair of steel-rimmed glasses. God, you were so beautiful, he was a mess. 

“Yeah, I am listening. You can just give me the plans alternatively, and at the next council meeting, I’ll let you know and you can come over and discuss it with everyone.”

Your chest heaved, out of breath with all the explanation you had dished out, and it was a sight for Joshua’s sore eyes. 

“Okay,” you mumbled, continuing about how you were sceptical about the idea but-

“Don’t worry. We’ll figure it out.” 

And he had rushed out of the room before you spotted the revival of his morning wood straining through his cotton pants. 

_

You’re determined to make yourself more involved in the governance work, and this means spending more time in close quarters with Joshua. And even though you’re trying your best (you really are), sometimes you can’t help but steal a glance at his chiselled jawline, gaze too long at his beautiful eyes, and wish that his fingers were wrapped around your neck- shit, that was too much. But it’s been over a year that you’ve received any kind of sexual attention (the last being from a friend of Mingyu’s at his birthday party, before your engagement with Wonwoo had been made public), and let’s be fair, it’s really hard to dodge the bullets Joshua Hong, unknowingly, keeps aiming at you. Because, fuck, your brain had been all messed up and you had begun stammering when he had met you during your long late night walk in the orchid garden. 

“Fancy seeing you here.” That was the first sentence he had said to you that week, and you weren’t in a mood to speak to him, to be honest. Your period was due soon, and you had hoped the fresh air would cure the cramps. 

“My room was too stuffy.”

“Do you want me to shift your room-”

“No! There’s no need for that.”

“I mean, you could always come and stay with me. I’ll arrange for the bedroom adjacent to mine being opened and connected with mine. At least that’ll stop the tattletales in the kitchen about us sleeping apart even though the King and Queen still sleep together.”

He was right. The gossip was getting on your nerves now. It must be because she’s so darn gross and ugly, they said. It must be because Prince Joshua has met sexier women when he was abroad. It must be because she’s a brat and runs her mouth too much. It must be because she had jumped on Joshua once the other Prince had died, but Joshua can’t take her weight, haha. 

And you had tried, you really had. Gone on a diet, lost three kilograms, and focused more on the remnants of teenage acne on your cheeks. You, who had never given a damn about appearances, were now trying to please- who, exactly? The public? The press? Or was it all to get a reaction out of your husband?

One night, you cave into the weakness. You find comfort in your fingers fondling with your nipples, gasps escaping from your lips as you lie in the dark, under your heavy blankets, imagining Joshua’s pillowy lips on your neck. It gives you shivers, and you’re thankful for the warm blanket. 

But as soon as the shot of pleasure shoots through your veins, his words that you had overheard come to your mind. 

It was the day after your first conversation with him, confirming your willingness to enter the marriage. Joshua was drinking with Mingyu in the house you shared with your brother after the death of your parents. You had no idea you’d find the Prince in your house when you returned from the market, bag full of groceries and skirt dirty from the mud in the roods after the rain. 

“Hyung, if you don’t want to marry her, you can just tell your parents.”

“Do you think they’ll listen to me, Mingyu-ah?” he had scoffed. 

“They’ve always been pretty liberal. Letting Wonwoo break the hierarchy has probably been the most controversial decisions of all time, but they were strong enough to take the call. I’m sure if you explain that you don’t want to-”

“Mingyu, it’s not about want or not. I cannot marry her. It is beyond my moral capacity. I really… ugh, it’s so twisted.”

“Maybe it’s not. Maybe you’re just thinking like this because you don’t know her well enough.”

“I do. I know her enough to know I cannot get myself into this marriage. It’ll be the worst decision of my life, I know I’m going to regret it.”

And the euphoria of pleasure dies as soon as it had begun, leaving you empty, both emotionally and physically. You thrash yourself for becoming that stupid teenage Y/N again, crying for a man who you would never get. Joshua would never love you, no matter how much you wanted him to. Maybe you just didn’t deserve him. 

_

The next few days were absolute torture for Joshua. He knew exactly how you felt towards him, in fact you reminded him of it every second, and yet he could not keep his eyes off you. His stupid puberty crush had been reawakened, and somehow, he felt like he was younger when he was around you. Maybe because he trusted you to take burdens off his shoulder when you showed up to council meetings and convinced the balding, middle-aged men (who only stared at your legs and sighed at every novel idea you presented) to let you take over projects which you felt passionate about. A new legal bill for safety for women in workplaces. New schemes to reduce the drop-out rate in colleges. Revamping incentives to ensure the needy families do not prioritise employment over education for their children. 

And he would bask in your warmth. Sometimes it felt like you were the light at the end of his tunnel- when he would be tired after nights of staying awake, worrying about projects or silly politics, you’d turn up, smelling of lavender, wearing your lace night suits and carrying pots of lemongrass tea with you. You were a dream, a mist in the spring, and he was chasing the happiness he felt in your presence. 

Seeing the two of you spend more time together meant his parents were happier than ever and they began inviting you to dinners with them. 

“Y/N, you ready?” 

You open the door to your bedchamber, simply dressed in a white shirt and blue flared jeans that did nothing to hide your tempting ass that Joshua kept wanting to get his fingers on. “Yeah. Not wearing anything fancy, I don’t need to fool them about my looks at least.” 

“Fool them about looks, what are you saying?” He asks you softly as you both make your way through the long winding corridors. 

“Oh nothing.” He catches on to your disappointed voice, how you move an inch away from him after this statement. 

“Y/N-” “Don’t you read the papers, Joshua? I know you don’t have time for society gossip but I’m sure you know what they’re saying.”

Shit. He really doesn’t know. He stops walking and looks at you dumbfounded.

“What are they saying, Y/N?” Please let it not be what I’m thinking it is.

“Never mind Josh.” Josh? When did you start calling him Josh? Not that he’d ever mind.

“I want to know.” He steps in front of you, blocking your way. He can see your pupils dilate and then relax, your beautiful lips part gently to take in air, all while there are clouds in your face. 

“I don’t want to talk about this, Joshua. It’s embarrassing already to know they say all that, it’s even worse to be complaining to you about-”

“You’re not complaining. You’re my wife, you can share your concerns with me.” I want you to share yourself with me, please.

You bite your lower lip, and continue after hesitating, “I don’t know- I know I’m not perfect and I’ve never wanted to look like a celebrity or a model or whatever, and I also know I don’t have the same kind of good looks that Mingyu was blessed with, and I know I’m not size zero and-” 

He steps in and kisses you. 

And steps back almost immediately. 

God knows why he did it, but he doesn’t have time to regret it in spite of the shocked expression on your face. “Y/N. You’re so beautiful. I don’t even have enough words to describe how beautiful you are. And I’m not saying this just for the sake of it. I’ve always thought you’re simply perfect.” 

It seems you’re still out of breath from the kiss. He is too, he just wants to appear composed in front of you while breaking down inside from the fear of you not wanting it as much as he did.

“Y/N. I don’t care what the media says. And I know you’re not one to care about that bullshit either. I want you to know that those who matter to you, love you, for just who you are. We wouldn’t change a thing.”

And he steps away and continues walking ahead, at a slower pace. You start walking a few seconds later, and finally his own heartbeat stops pumping in his ear like a ticking time bomb.

_

You cannot focus on dinner after that. It’s not humanly possible, you think, as you steal gazes at your husband across the table as he laughs with his parents over silly dad jokes he’s been cracking all evening. His mood has relatively improved in the last few weeks, and now you actually enjoy his company a lot. Just like when you were younger and you looked up to him with starry eyes, in awe of how he knew so much more than you in spite of being just three years older.

But you’re dying inside. Your stomach is churning, your skin perspiring and a sheen of sweat on your forehead makes your mother-in-law ask you in concern, “Y/N dear, I’ve never seen you pick at your food like this. Are you not hungry?”

You panic and reply, “Umm, no I’m just on a little diet,” and you cover up with a fake smile, avoiding Joshua’s eyes so that you miss out on the furrowing of his eyebrows at the mention of diet. He asks you, not allowing you to escape, “Why are you on this diet? Are you trying to lose weight?”

“Yes.” It’s true, you have been trying to lose weight. You’ve stopped liking how you look in the many public photographs that get clicked of you nowadays. 

“Why?” 

And all of a sudden, there’s a palpable tension in the room. The mood is dead serious and you know Joshua is angry. 

Why is he fucking angry? Does he not want you to go on a diet? Is this continuing from what he said earlier- oh god, forget about the kiss Y/N!

“I just… I want to become fitter. I’m thinking of restarting swimming. You remember how I used to swim a lot earlier?” you casually ask him, not expecting him to almost choke. “Yeah I do… it’s a good idea. It’ll help you get rid of stress also.”

Your parents-in-law say something in enthusiastic agreement, but all you can focus on is how good Joshua Hong looks with his hair slicked back, his plain green sweater hanging loose on his shoulders, and how he’s looking at you like he wants to kiss you again. Not that he would actually want that, though. More likely, he’s looking at you to erase that memory of the kiss.

_

The Crown Prince of Korea is seconds away from a heart attack and the reason is his wife. He can’t get the kiss out of his head- he’d be lying to himself if he said that he hasn’t been thinking of this for months now. He realises just how futile his attempts of thinking of you only and only as Wonwoo’s lover and his sister-in-law have been, when he thinks of just how long he’s longed to feel his lips on yours. Months? Hell, it must’ve been years. When his first choice of his plus-one to his first prom night had been you, but then the teacher said he couldn’t invite someone three years younger to him. When you had showed up at his farewell party before he left for the States, your hair much longer then, your eyes even prettier under those nerd glasses. When he had seen your selfies with Wonwoo while he was abroad, and an inch of him had wished he could share his new life with you instead of the girls who flocked around him. 

But you’re avoiding eye contact like the plague. And he knows it must have been the foolish step on his end to kiss you. So old, and yet no control on his fucking hormones? And yet, how could he, when you continued to talk utter rubbish about the stupid comments about your looks that had been rioting on social media, but he found you just as perfect as the woman he had always dreamt of?

Josh.

A pet name? He mused, as he chewed the steak slowly, savouring it along his tongue. He had tried to make the night lively, bringing up topics he knew you’d want to talk about, but he had failed. Your mood was perhaps permanently damaged now, in spite of whatever uphill improvements he had made in the last month. 

But what was marriage if not a labour of love?

Love? Joshua Hong had once been in love with you, for a short time, but now he was not. He knew he was not because he knew it would be unreciprocated. It would be spat upon and crushed with the heels of your shoes and Joshua Hong was a coward. He would never be brave like Mingyu, who was always too courageous for his good, especially after too many drinks. He would never be as determined as Wonwoo, who would turn everything he touched to gold simply with hard work and focus. He would forever be content in the shadows, watching you from aside, waiting for you to look at him with the same want his heart was burning with. 

But how long? The ache in his heart had become a familiar friend over these nights. The wish to walk twenty metres and reach your room in lonely midnight hours, and touch your skin with his lips until it cured his insomnia. The wish to see you smile at him without the burden of royal obligations, with genuine care. The wish to hold your hand when you sat together at council meetings, right next to each other, and yet so far apart. How long could he suppress these wishes?

Oh, but he had to. Otherwise he would make mistakes. More mistakes he couldn’t afford to make, such as the mistake of kissing you tonight. There were more mistakes his fingers itched to make, such as brushing his hand on yours across the table when your hand accidentally grabbed his glass of wine instead of your own, such as touching your feet with his own under the table to show you how much he wanted you, such as claiming an emergency and leaving with you right now to beg of you to love him back and let him be yours. 

When your plate is clean, and your wine glass empty and you sit back on your chair, a contented look on your face, he wants to kiss you again because it feels like a date. It makes him want to take you on a date. It makes him want to court you and woo you and win your heart as he had originally planned at the age of fourteen.

But even if he had started early, would he ever be able to win your heart? He was simply not good enough for you. Wonwoo had been your perfect fit- both in wit and in warmth. And Joshua, alas, was not. Would never be. 

_

v. 

“I'm looking at you, I can't take my eyes off

I don't know what I feel but it's feeling illegal”

“I know there’ll be a time zone difference, but if I call you late at night please pick up because it’ll be urgent.” Otherwise I won’t call you, you felt that the unsaid was quite well implied. You nod. “You eat and sleep well. Don’t get too stressed,” you mumble out, and wave Joshua goodbye as he walks away from you, a cup of coffee in his right hand and his blazer on his left. There’s some international meeting he has to attend, and although the King and Queen had asked you many times to accompany him, you knew it was best to not impose yourself in unwanted spaces. You had given the excuse of spending a few days with your brother, Mingyu, in your childhood home, as you’d been away for too long and you had started missing him, and your parents-in-law had caved in.

“Bye, Joshua!” you call out over the loud noise of the chopper. He stops at your voice, turns back and looks at you once. You think he’s going to walk towards you, his left foot lifted slightly off the ground, but then the bodyguard standing next to him motions him to move towards the helicopter and he puts his foot back on the ground. He whispers goodbye to you, or maybe you just can’t hear him. 

It should feel nice to finally get rid of him, you think, as he walks further away from you, now a speck on the horizon. But your heart feels heavy, the journey back home feels empty, and there’s a voice in your head which makes you regret staying back.

_

“I forgot to pack my blue suit,” he says over speakerphone. Joshua, the silly man he is, couldn’t wait for even an hour after landing, before calling you. As soon as he had landed in London, his fingers had itched to dial the button and call you up but he had resisted. But when he had started unpacking his luggage, he couldn’t stop himself. It’s a gloomy day, the sky overcast with clouds. His assistant is texting him to come to lunch, but he’s not hungry. He wishes he didn’t have to leave you in Korea. 

He can hear your laugh on the other side. 

“I know, I realised it when I reached home and saw the suit lying on your bed.” “My bed? You went to my room?” There’s a pause. “Umm, yeah… I was actually wondering which perfume you used. I want to buy the same for Mingyu, for Chuseok.” “Oh. Did you find it?” He wonders what else you found. 

“Yeah, I did. How’s your suite?”

“Hmm, big?” You laugh again, slightly less awkward.

“It’s obviously big. Is it, like, very fancy, or is it the modern minimalist type?”

“Quite modern, but also fancy. Like there are all these weird lamps- wait let me show you. Do you have time for a video call?”

“Me?”

“Huh, who else am I talking to?”

“Oh. Yeah I mean. One sec! Don’t turn it on until I say so!” 

He waits, his heart pumping so loud he can hear it. Then you finally turn on the video call and he sees your face coming through the black screen, and suddenly it’s not gloomy any more in London.

“Hi there.” You smile widely, your bare skin glowing, and he smiles back, almost on instinct.  For a second it’s just like that. Showing you the hotel room is a forgotten task, Joshua’s excuse to see your face has worked.

He notices that you’re sitting in your house, as he identifies the different wallpaper easily. “You’ve gone to your house so fast?”

“Hmm, felt like there was nothing to do at home.”

Home. Were you missing him? Could it be-

“Is Mingyu around?”

“Yeah, but he’s calling someone. Practically shooed me from the room when his phone rang. Might be important-”

“Pfft. Important, my foot. Probably a new person he likes.” You smile at his comment, “Yeah probably. When do you think he’ll want to settle down?”

“When he finds someone like I have?”

The words slip out of his mouth before he can even think twice and the truth of what he said only hits him when he suddenly sees your video crashing. “Hey Y/N?”

“Sorry!” Your face is back in focus, all red and flustered. “I dropped my phone. Umm, Josh, I gotta go, there’s someone at the gate.”

“Hmm, okay. See ya?”

You smile at him and wave him a hurried goodbye.

The phone becomes lifeless again.

Shit, he fucked up. Yet again. What are these uncalled-for things he’s doing? And why can’t he just control himself, for god’s sake? It’s not like he… oh god. He’s really messed up now.

_

There’s something wrong happening. It feels right, but it’s really wrong. You reckon it started from the kiss. Since then everything is changing, bit by bit. 

The night after that, he had asked you if you wanted to watch the new film in the theatres, and you had agreed, since you actually wanted to watch it (and not because you wanted to spend more time with him). He had booked out the night show in an entire hall, and the two of you had spent more time giggling over the poorly-made thriller and gasping at the unbelievable action sequences than watching the movie seriously. 

Three days after that, you had asked him if he wanted to come swim with you. He knew you had restarted practice but hadn’t said much about it except ask where you were practising.

“Hmm, sure? I mean, if it doesn’t barge into your routine.”

“Joshua, if it did barge in, I wouldn’t have asked you.” He grins, fixing his collar. “Sorry ma’am. I’m free today, when are you going?” “Today?” You weren’t planning on going today at all. “Yeah…” “Umm, in half an hour?” “Cool. Call me when you’re ready.”

And that’s when you realised it was such a mistake to bring him to the pool. Because you were too distracted by him all the time. For two straight hours, you both raced across the 500 metres pool multiple times in a marathon, but towards the end, it became too much fun as you both skipped track divisions and cheated to make it to the end of the race. He would swiftly snatch your goggles and the chlorine would burn your eyes until you had to hold his hands down and get back the goggles from him, all while whining to make him stop laughing like a clown.  Sure, you had provoked it first by kicking your leg out midway to smash him in his chest, leaving him dumbfounded and gaining you a solid ten seconds, but this was too extreme an attack. 

But at the end of all attacks, he somehow ended up pinning you to the wall of the pool, both too giddy with adrenaline to notice how you had landed in this position. 

Thank god the pool was empty. 

But your mind was not. You were now extremely aware of his gaze burning into you, his hair wet from the water and bangs falling on his face, his taut chest muscles golden and ripped, his glowing skin looking even more alive. 

“I love water.”

“I know, I remember how you used to always have pool parties for your birthdays in school.”

“Hmm, you do?” You’re sure it’s completely platonic, but when he uses his left hand to keep you locked against the pool and his right hand to swipe back his hair from his forehead, there are butterflies in your stomach and you just know you’re blushing. Not even an inch of skin-to-skin contact, just his hungry eyes and you’re dying inside.

“Joshua, I need air.”

“What?” He asks, as if he doesn’t understand.

“I need to breathe.”

“Huh ... you’re breathing, though?”

You bite your lip, and he smirks. You can’t help but think he’s doing it on purpose, but he gently pushes himself away from you, and you take the chance to take deep breaths and rouse yourself to sit on the edge of the pool. He points at you and smirks even deeper.

“I win!” He laughs, his eyes growing bigger in excitement. You laugh too, realising that the moment you got out of water, he had won. But he had won far before that…

He dunks his hair in the water and splashes water over you as he rises up again. You slowly get off the edge and stand up, fixing your clothes. You swear you can see him check you out once, but it may be a figment of your delusions.

“Y/N. I’m hungry.” “Huh?” Did you hear him right? “Yeah, do you wanna get chicken?” Poof.

It feels just like those teenage summer parties he used to host. Just you, Wonwoo, Mingyu, himself, and a couple of other friends from school. You’re feeling just as hot and bothered as then, and he’s looking just as cool as then.

“Sure, but you’re paying. Winner winner, chicken dinner!” And you’re laughing now, as you walk away to the dressing room to take a shower and get dressed again. You just want to escape before he comes out of the water and his body makes you weak in the knees again.

_

He’s hard. 

Joshua Hong is sitting through the middle of the third conference for the day and he’s shit tired at this point. Which has probably made his body want things he doesn’t have. Specifically, you. 

So he tries to hide the boner in his suit pants, and he swears under his breath every second because it’s simply impossible. Especially after that picture Mingyu had sent to him a minute ago. He shouldn’t have opened his phone during the conference, but he was too bored.

KMG-[picture]

KMG-in case you’re missing your wifey haha

HJS-what? 

KMG-she sure is. she’s whining like a little puppy. 

HJS-what?! 

KMG-don’t you get it? she’s drunk bro. it’s so obvious?? did you even open the photo?

HJS-i didn’t, sorry. unlike you, i’m in london and it’s afternoon here so i’m at work.

KMG-work?! pfffft. you’re the prince. 

HJS-you’re also drunk, gyu.

KMG-not realllly, but defo under the influence seeing that i’m texting you against my better judgement, which is the slap i’m going to get from my sister as soon as she realises who i’m texting. 

HJS-jeez. she hates me that much lol.

KMG-huh??? hate? you dumbass??? 

HJS-can you not curse me? this conference is tiring enough.

KMG-sorry. 

KMG-you d*****s???

HJS-what???

KMG-the only thing she’s talking about after eight months of living the royal life is you. and i wouldn’t say you’re the only interesting thing at the palace

HJS-what are you implying

KMG-your assistant is pretty hot

HJS-what? i choked on my water!

KMG-don’t tell me you haven’t noticed

HJS-no i really haven’t.

KMG-eww. what marriage does to a person 101.

HJS-i wouldn’t have noticed otherwise either

KMG-sure, says joshua hong who’s slept with every girl in his uni in the states

HJS-why hasn’t your sister found out that you’re texting me and given you said slap yet?

KMG-oh so you want her to find out that you’re pining for her love? 

KMG-you’re so down bad to get her attention huh

KMG-you just wish it was her texting you rn, and not me

KMG-you traitor

HJS-mingyu stop

KMG-you’re missing her so bad

KMG-and she’s missing you too

KMG-ugly missing

KMG-i can see the sadness in her eyeeees

HJS-i think it’s your soju talking

KMG-pls. i can handle my soju v well.

KMG-but you have to admit you’re missing her.

KMG-if you weren’t you wouldn’t have saved that photograph to your gallery

HJS-i didn’t

KMG-liar

HJS-accuser

KMG-cheater

HJS-dumbass

KMG-WHO’S CURSING NOW

KMG-soory this is yn if gyu was disturing you durig he meeing iapopogize. byew

That was a … chat that didn’t help at all. Now his mind is wandering even farther away from the discussion in the conference. 

And the photograph. 

You in tank tops would really be the death of him. Your silky flesh escaping through the loose edges of the satin tank, your short hair falling casually across your neck, covering up all the places he wanted to kiss. Your tiny mole below your left clavicle, and the way you were smiling, looking at the soju glass in your hand, eyes creasing and lips maroon. 

It makes him think of that evening in the pool when he had almost kissed you again, but only the devil in his head knows how hard he had controlled himself from pushing you against the wall of the pool with his chest, feeling your soft skin again his own, and your lips bright red from biting on them all day (they were chapped as he noticed from up-close). He was taller than you even in the pool, and it made him want to devour you even more. Your swimming suit had left nothing to his imagination, the pervert he was. 

He hadn’t planned on taking off his shirt that evening. But when he had started feeling the tingling in his dick after seeing the damp swimsuit clinging to your body, he had decided that two can play this game. 

And god, he had enjoyed seeing you flustered. It felt amazing to know his body still had that kind of effect on women, especially you. The last he had seen you check him out was several years ago, and even then, his blood had rushed straight to his dick when he had received your attention, just like now. Thank god you both were under water so his trunks didn’t give it all away. 

All the thoughts he had conjured up in his mind that night come floating into his mind now. Your husky voice after swimming laps in the pool. Your hair all damp and swept back from your face. Drops of water falling down your neck-

“Mr. Hong?” The lady next to him whispers, and he realises the entire hall has been staring at him. “Your thoughts on how Korea would like to be involved in the new cross-Pacific connectivity project?”

Fuck. Specifically, fuck you. Yes, thank you.

_

He has called you three times over the period of two days that he’s been away. Tiny calls, not lasting longer than seven minutes in all, but they still count as calls. He has also texted you a little bit, and sent quite a few photographs- a photograph of the brunch he had which had a lot of baked goods reminding him of you since you love baked treats; a photograph of the London Eye which he saw while travelling; a selfie in front of the Big Ben. 

And yet you were missing him. You knew it had to be that, because there was no other emotion to pinpoint at the steely ache you felt in your body, a longing for something, a desire to see someone, in vain. 

That had caused your outburst that night, when Mingyu had taken out soju and whisky and decided that it was the night to get drunk for the siblings. You were both emotional drunks, Mingyu slightly more teasing and funny than you, but you had straight up started whining about Joshua. Mingyu had, of course, texted him all about it but you had realised it a minute too late when you saw him shut up and focus on the texts on his phone, grinning smugly. You knew it wasn’t the person he liked, because he was specifically frustrated over how they were a goody-two-shoes, slept before 11 pm, and didn’t even go out with co-workers for dinner and drinks. They were a lawyer he knew through social circles, and although they had been talking for some time now, he had yet to make progress into their bedroom. 

“But I don’t mind waiting. Aaah, for them I’ll wait forever.” He had giggled, and you had punched him in the back. “Sure, let’s both see where this goes.” You wondered how long this puppy love would last.

You weren’t talking to Mingyu all day because of what he had done the previous night. Not just spread misinformation about you, but also send a photograph of you. You hadn’t been able to read the chats, he had snatched it away from you as soon as you had begun to read them, but you knew he had written enough to damage you when Joshua would come back. 

One more day, and your husband would be back. 

What did wives do when they missed their husbands? 

Call them for hours at night and sleep with their voice on speakerphone? Impossible, you lived in different time zones now. If you called him at night, it would be his afternoon, and if he called you at night, it would be your early morning and you’d be in no mood to sweet talk. 

Text more frequently? Again, not possible. There was only so much you would want to do without any expectation of reciprocation.

Send them gifts? A parcel from Korea to London would definitely take a day, if not more. The surprise would be lost. 

Send photographs? He did, but you never sent photos to anyone. Anyone. Not even Wonwoo, you were just too shy to send photos. And anyway, nothing special had happened to be worthy of sending photos. 

There was truly nothing to do to solve your crisis, but oh, it felt like despair. Two days turned into three, three into four, until you couldn’t wait to have him in front of your eyes again. On the last day, you knew from the clock that this was probably bedtime for him, and you decided to call him. Because he hadn’t called you the entire day before that, and maybe you wanted to hear his voice?

“Hello?”

“Hmm Y/N.” There it was, a voice sounding like mellow honey in a pancake, warm and sweet. “How was your day, Josh?” “Tiring? I’m getting ready to get into bed right now. Wanna switch on videos?” 

“Umm, I’ve actually just woken up so I had bed hair-”

Joshua is sending you a request for video call.

“Does it look like I care?” He grins as soon as you switch on your camera, showing him your frazzled hair. “I do! You see me only once in the entire day, I don’t want to look like a stray dog.” “You do look like a stray dog, but you’re cute.” Maybe it’s the morning laziness which hasn’t got off your brain yet, but you melt into his words. “You’re cute too. Your face is all puffy after a day’s work. Did you cleanse well?” “I did. I’m glowing even with the lights off, am I not?” He smirks, and you can’t say he’s lying. Even with the faint nightlight, you can see his features distinctly. He catches you stare at him for too long, and says, “Miss me much? Mingyu-” Your face scrunches up in irritation. “Ignore Mingyu! Ignore whatever he said that day. It was all misinfo. I swear.” “Aww now there, don’t pout.” You don’t even know you’re pouting, but you blush so hard.

It feels so fucking domestic. The bare minimum, and you’re melting into a puddle. It feels like you’ve come home, finally. 

“I’m going to eat kimchi jjigae today. I bought the perfume for Mingyu and he didn’t even like it, so I said I’ll take it back because he doesn’t deserve gifts. Then he started whining, saying that he doesn’t want to smell like you because then I’ll get confused between my brother and my-” you pause. You’ve never really said it out loud. 

He smiles, devilish but also kind. “Did he keep it then?” “No. I’ve got it back, you can use it. I’m never gifting him anything for Chuseok again.” “When is Chuseok, anyway?” “Next week. You have an entire schedule planned, don’t you remember?” 

And then the screen goes black for a few seconds, and then his face returns. 

“Hey, someone called. Sorry.”

“No no. Calling so late?”

“She’s actually a friend from college who saw on my twitter update that I’m here in London and wants to meet up.” You mouth an oh, and then he continues. “I guess she had called if we could go party now… you know, for old time’s sake…” he laughs a bit, and then continues, “But I said I’m too tired now, we can go for brunch tomorrow before I return home to Korea.”

You suddenly feel awkward. Out of place. Reminded that you don’t even know him properly, and you shouldn’t dream of waking up with him in the same bed in matching nightclothes. 

“Oh, you could extend your trip a bit though? If you have friends you want to meet.”

“No, I just want to get back home and rest a bit. Next week will be hectic.”

“Hmm.” 

Then there’s a pause.

“Alright then, I’ll go to sleep. Goodnight Y/N!” And you’re waving him goodnight as he smiles through the camera, before ending the call. 

Reality has hit you, real bad. He was never yours. You’ll never be his.

_

vi. 

“But I could never lie to you

I'm going out my mind for you”

On his flight back home, Joshua misses you immensely. If he was being honest, he wished that you’d wait for him at the airport, so that he could hug you as soon as he lands- satisfying a craving to touch you that had haunted him while he was in London. But he knew it was too extreme an expectation. At max, realistically, he could expect you to greet him when he finally reached home after the fourteen hour flight, with a smile. Over the last few weeks he had felt your warmth grow towards him gradually, and thus, this was definitely a realistic expectation in his eyes. 

“Her Highness is at a meeting, she asked me to inform you.”

He was stunned at his secretary’s words. “At a meeting? I thought she was with her brother.”

“She is with the Royal Counsel, Sir. They are at a meeting together.”

“At 9.30 pm?”

“It’s a dinner meeting.”

“Why didn’t I know about this?”

“It was finalized just today morning S-”

“And since when are you her secretary too, Seewon? Or has her brother done something-” He sees Seewon’s eyes grow wide and he realises he has overstepped. But what is this searing feeling in his head? 

Frustration? Did he really expect you to be waiting there for him? It was absurd, he sees it now. It was absurd to think you treated him any differently than you did a few months ago.

“I’m sorry. I’m just- too tired.”

“Dinner is ready, Sir.”

“Can you get it to my bedroom? I’ll eat there and directly go to bed. I’m too sleepy.”

“Yes, Sir.” Seewon bows deep, but he is already walking away.

_

“It is for the best, Mingyu-ah.” You reason with your brother for the n-th time as he tries to convince you, futile efforts truly, to confront Joshua about the future of your relationship. “I know he doesn’t want anything to do with me. What we have now is… a nice companionship. We’ve both resigned to the fate that this is it. There’s nothing new going to happen in our love lives, and we’ve accepted it. As a teenager, we probably expected our love lives to be beautiful and magnanimous like in the movies, but this is reality. And you know I’ve never sought romance.”

“We all know why that is.”

“Huh?” 

Mingyu stares at you blankly across the table, his eyelids drooping slightly from being tipsy. His shirt is nearly off, the alcohol heating up his body, and in his longer hair, his face looks eerily like yours. Seeing him like this makes you feel colder, and you hug the cardigan closer to your body.

“Wonwoo and I were together. When we found your diary entries about Joshua.”

You’re speechless. How had Wonwoo emitted this very important detail about the biggest secret of your life?

“Hey, Y/N-ie. I know I’m not as close to you as Wonwoo. He was a better friend to you than I could ever be, although we are of the same age. And I know he’d be able to explain this better-”

“Kim Mingyu.”

Now he’s speechless. 

Never in his entire life have you called him by his full name, except when you were really frustated over failing your midterms when he had topped the class or when you had suffered the wrath of your parents when it was actually his fault.

“You knew?”

He gulps. 

“How come you never said anything to me? I can’t believe Wonwoo- that fucker- that-”

“Hey!”

“No, you don’t get it! I’ve- I’ve kept so many secrets for him. It was our pact you know- never spill secrets. And never keep secrets from each other. I told him everything and he- Oh my god. What else do you know? How much has he betrayed me?”

“Y/N-ie. He didn’t betray anything. It was purely an accident that I was there in the room when he started reading it out aloud. None of us knew what was coming as we started reading that page. And then he swore me to secrecy, and made me promise never to tell you. Made me swear on my face too, can you imagine?”

But you were not in the mood for jokes. Angry, hot tears started rolling down your cheeks. It was truly an uncalled for meltdown, but the tears seemed to be a long time coming.

“I can’t believe you know it. I’m so pathetic-”

“No, aaaah-” He shuffles closer to you, somehow patting your hair, before you smack it away.

“Don’t touch me, Kim Mingyu.”

“Okay, sorry. But Y/N. I don’t think you should be so mad at Wonwoo. In fact I had totally forgotten about it, until-”

“Until?”

“Until Wonwoo said how he was considering proposing to you, to be his Royal Consort.”

You look up at your brother. 

“You know why he had proposed.”

“I do. I just thought… maybe if I were him, and if I knew my best friend was in love with my brother-”

“I am not! In love! With his brother!”

“Y/N-aah.”

“It was a teenage thing! A crush! It happens! Hell, Mingyu, you fall in love every week. You don’t have the right to call me out like this!”

“I’m not. But that’s because- that’s just who I am, you know? I feel butterflies and I go for it. I don’t think about it. But you, you’re different. You think twice, thrice, a hundred times, before even feeling something. For the longest time, I thought you didn’t have a heart, you had two brains.”

You scoff a mirthless laugh. “And yet I’m the one stuck in this ugly marriage. How stupid of me. I’m torturing a whole man to fulfill some broken childhood wish of mine- something I don’t even feel anymore. That’s honestly the most pathetic thing in the world.”

“Hey!” Mingyu really wraps his arm around your shoulder now, and unwantedly, you cave into his touch. His body is warm and it feels safe. You haven’t hugged him in a long time, you realise. Wonwoo had always been your cuddling partner, by your side through long days and nights. Wonwoo had been your best friend and so much more. Perhaps your true soulmate. 

Wonwoo.

The thought of him brings fresh tears to your eyes, and you’re shaking violently in Mingyu’s arms.

“Y/N. Can you stop beating yourself up? First of all,” you raise your head to look at him, but he shuts you down, “listen to me for once! First of all,” he starts again, “I think you do like him. Maybe it’s not your childhood crush continuing for so long. But somewhere, you do like him. It’s like- a longing you’ve been craving for so long, and now that the sight ebbs closer to you, you can’t help but walk towards it even more.” You look at him again, tears drying up. When did your silly brother become so poetic?

“Second point is. You really shouldn’t beat yourself up for this. He’s - he’s not getting tortured, that’s for sure. He seems really happy to me, and I can read faces well.”

“No, Kim Mingyu, you’re dumb as fuck-”

“No, that’s just what you think! Because you’re my sister. I’m actually very smart. Just like I never think you’re smart, even if you’re a double masters graduate now.”

You sigh. Maybe this was true.

“Anyway, what I’m saying is. Shua hyung doesn’t seem tortured. He talks to me fondly about you, whenever we talk. Yes, he was initially very hesitant. But you know why he was-”

You’re staring at him hard, waiting for him to continue, but he just gulps. Then his eyes widen, and keep widening. Suddenly, he jumps up, and starts jumping in tiny movements. 

“Mingyu, have you finally gone mad?”

“He thinks you’re in love with him!”

“What are you saying?” Your jaw drops. “Mingyu, I think you’re really drunk, you should just-”

“Oh my god. Wonwoo Wonwoo. Aigoo, he thinks too far ahead of this time, don’t you think?” 

“What are you saying, bro-”

“Even after his death-”

“Do you mean he forethought his death too?”

“No! I mean, of course not. Just. The way things turned out. He really set you up with fate. A true best friend, aah,” leaving you still confused, Mingyu pours the rest of the soju bottle into his glass and drinks it in one go. 

“I’m going to bed. I can’t tolerate your nonsense anymore.”

“Hmm, goodnight. Sleep well, cutie sister.”

You throw him a dirty look, and have half a mind to kick his face, but then you feel too tired and you waddle back to your bedroom.

_

It’s only the next morning that you see his texts and missed calls and call him back. He’s been waiting for the call for hours now, so he picks it up as soon as it starts ringing.

“Y/N!”

“Oh, good morning!”

Your voice sounds groggy. Were you drinking?

“I was w-worried,” he stutters, “Where were you last night?”

“Oh, last night? With Mingyu.”

“Oh. I thought you’d gone for a meeting?”

“Yeah, after that. It was a good one, I’ll send you my notes later. I’m too hungover right now, sorry. Was there anything you needed from me? Any work stuff?”

Your voice? A hope to see you returned to the palace when he wakes up in the morning?

“Nothing. I was just, like I said, worried.”

“Aaah, you shouldn’t have been. I have bodyguards you know. They left me only after they saw me going home with Mingyu.”

“Hmm.”

There’s a pause. He wonders if he should bring up the question of when you plan on coming back. He wonders if you’ll ask him anything about the flight. He wonders if he can ask you what you and Mingyu have been drinking so much over.

“Please don’t worry on my account. Mingyu and I…  had some things to discuss. I’ve cleared up my schedule today. I hope you didn’t need me for anything-”

“No. No. Of course not. Enjoy your day.” Even if I won’t.

_

“Kim Mingyu? Where are you?” As soon as your call with Joshua ends, the painkillers start their magic, and you remember bits and pieces of your conversation last night with your brother. You walk towards his room, but alas, you find him still sleeping in his bed, naked except his underwear, evidently too hot after getting all drunk. 

You slap his back sharply, and he jolts up with a groan. 

“Kim Y/N!”

“What nonsense were you saying last night? Tell me now, if you have the guts to tell me when sober.”

“Huh?”

Five seconds. 

Ten seconds. You give him a glass of water. 

Three minutes. You get him painkillers. 

Ten minutes. He brushes his teeth.

Thirty minutes, you’re both awake and sober. And yet, radio silence.

“I don’t know.”

“What?”

“I don’t remember. What were we talking about last night?”

“Yah! Kim Mingyu! You weren’t that drunk!”

He tilts his head from side to side, putting on a show to recollect, but his face is still blank. You have the urge to slap his head, like one slaps a dysfunctional remote to make it work again. But you fear it’s going to damage his few brain cells forever and irreparably.

“I really don’t remember. I just remember… talking about Wonwoo.”

“Mingyu did you drink after I went to bed?”

“Yes, but that’s-”

“Fuck. No wonder you’re out like a light bulb. Did you finish the entire bottle of whiskey too?”

“Hmm, but-”

“Fuck man! Now I can’t even be sure of my own thoughts.”

“So even you don’t remember! Sucker!”

“No I do! But I was just… wondering if I was delusional or if it was real. Mingyu, try and think hard.”

“Umm, I can’t really think so much so early. And today’s a holiday, for fuck’s sake. Can’t a man relax and wake up on a holiday?”

He huffs and walks out of the room, his hair sticking out weirdly. Oh, your brother. Now you have to verify if the nonsense he spewed last night was indeed true or not. And there is, of course, only one way to do so.

_

vii.

“Turnin’ me up and back off like this

What do you want? Do you not like it?”

He had to know. Joshua Hong had never felt the pangs of curiosity so wildly as he did now. It was too much to bear. This suspense. These mixed signals from you. This wild fluttering of his heart that he had to forcefully drown out with the rational thoughts from his brain. Not a moment of bliss and yet so much happiness even in this riot.

“Can you make a cute pose for me?”

You stare at him, and then at the camera. “What?” Your reaction makes him smile. “Cute pose!” “Yah! I’m the Princess, not an idol! Why should I make a cute pose!” “Because that’s your vibe! All the media goes wild for your cuteness. That’s why you’re so popular with the young people of our country.”

“I’m popular because of my personality. I’ve raised Mingyu, okay? I know how to deal with kids.”

He’s laughing out loud now, he doesn’t care if his bodyguards are suspicious of the whispered conversation the two of you are sharing.

“But I insist. Cute pose, please?” He winks cutely, his face full of aegyo. He’s always been good at this, the baby face among the brothers. The delicate boyish charm he never lost. The mature, serious look he never gained, unlike Wonwoo.

“Joshua. I’ve never done it,” you whisper back, slightly embarrassed.

“Umm, can you do a V sign for me?”

You do it, and extend your hand ahead of you. “Now bring it up to your eyes.”

You bring the hand to your eyes, and Joshua bends your fingers slightly to make it look cuter. “Cha! Now you’ve got it! Smile!”

He smiles for the selca, and you smile too. But your smile isn’t the real one he’s used to seeing. So he pokes a finger into your cheek, just to get a reaction out of you, and clicks the burst shot at the same time. 

He’s right. 

You blush, smile and laugh in embarrassed giddiness, all in the series of shots. It’s a small touch, far far shorter than anything he would like to do, insignificant, and mostly friendly. But the effect it has on his heart says otherwise. 

At least now he has the shots the PR team asked him to prepare.

“Are you going to send that photo?”

“Of course not if you’re not comfortable!”

“No. That’s… okay. I just think it makes us look too… childish. Not the image the PR team would want to project of us, no?”

“You’re right. I’ll not send it. Sorry, I just wanted to make you comfortable and smile.”

“Pulling my cheek was your idea of making me comfortable?” You gasp, in mock anger.

He leans in, ignoring the way your eyelashes are fluttering from his sudden closeness.

“Did it work or not?”

Your shy smile is the answer he needs to satisfy his curiosity for now.

But the ugly demon never rests, and his mind remains wildly distracted for the rest of the day. Your photoshoot may have been over a long time ago, but he can’t get his mind over the photographs. He’s thankful you let him keep the photograph where his finger touches the soft pulp of your cheeks. It seems like the only thing he can look at right now. 

_

It’s just been six hours since you’re back in the palace for good. Your mind keeps going back to your conversation with Mingyu, but you’re too afraid to approach the issue. You know it’s a hopeless cause, there’s absolutely no way what Mingyu was hinting at was correct. He’s a real dumbass about feeling something, definitely a TJ and not an FP, since he was so shit at perceiving and interpreting feelings. He must have been going off on tangents which weren’t even realistic.

But somewhere within you, the curiosity burned you alive. It was hell, sitting next to Joshua at the council meeting, pretending to listen to industry experts talking scientific lingo which basically amounted to how the new slum restoration and water purification project needed more funding, but you kept thinking of the same loop of thoughts. The fact that he whispered to you little jokes about how boring it all was, his fingers sometimes brushing over the net stocking of your knees when he leaned in to hear you whisper back, drove you absolutely crazy. If his fingers slipped slightly, it would undoubtedly find out how heated your core was. 

Joshua and you have schedule after schedule, pending work which had been postponed for the trip, which had to be completed before Chuseok so that the festivities passed smoothly. When the day had started with you two eating breakfast together at a public place (actually a gimmick for media to cover it as a romantic date for the wife who missed her beloved husband) and clicking selfies to be released on his twitter, you had thought that was the end of your togetherness for the day. 

But it had seemed to stretch on, when Joshua insisted that you sit with him for all the meetings, to keep him updated on everything he had missed out on, now that you were much more deeply involved in the official world. 

“You have a secretary though?” you had chuckled, begging him to take the hint and releasing you from this trap. 

“Is it too much to ask for a friend by my side when I face the world?” he had all but pouted, and you had, of course, melted.

It reminded you eerily of what Wonwoo had said when he had proposed you. Brothers did think alike, you think, as you flip the pen over and over waiting for the current presentation on tax revenues to get over. You had already thought of questions in the first few slides, realising some loopholes early on, and now the rest of the presentation is predictable. You are, however, waiting for the presentation to end to pounce with your questions, when your eyes go to what Joshua is scribbling on his notepad.

“Hey, I thought of the same concern,” you whisper, showing your own notes on your tablet. 

“Telepathy?” he winks at you, and you smile lightly. “The Prince is too cheerful today. Why all the jokes? Did London steal my serious Joshua?”

He leans in slightly closer, until all you can see is his eyes. 

“I missed you. It’s good to be back.”

Then he leans away, and almost on cue, the presenter opens the floor for questions and his secretary prepares the mic for him to speak into it. Your questions are all forgotten, your notes forgotten, so all you can do is stare blankly ahead until your mind registers what he just said.

_

viii.

싫어 하면, 싫어지면 좋겠어

좋아하는 마음을 멈추고 싶어

“If you hate it, I hope you hate it

I want to stop liking you”

It is two days before Chuseok, but there’s a somewhat half-hearted excitement in the country. It seems like everyone is feeling the same way as you. You’re all reminded of how Wonwoo had suddenly left your side last year, exactly 365 days before this. 

Your recent visit to home had actually worsened the incisions your thoughts about Wonwoo made to your heart. It had been fun to curse him for betraying your secret to Mingyu, but deep down, as the date kept approaching, you could not bring yourself to sleep at nights. Every waking moment, you felt the same pain jarring your body as you imagined Wonwoo must have felt in the moment of the car accident. 

Mingyu and you had drunk every night for the same reason. When you had come home, you had realised soon he was not quite the happy spirit you knew him to be. And when every conversation of yours led to nostalgic memories of the past, somehow centering around the one friend you both had loved so much, but never really talking about him directly, you realised he was grieving too. He knew how to hide it far better, but you wished he would break the dam for you. 

And he did. 

All it took was playing the album that Wonwoo had bought for you and Mingyu to celebrate your 18th birthday, the first album all three of you had liked (an utter shock since you had disparate music tastes), and Kim Mingyu was a wailing, blubbering mess. His head on your shoulder as you hugged him, urging him to take it all out, even though snot was all over your sleeve. But it felt relieving to see him free his own heart, for you knew Wonwoo hated it the most when Mingyu tried to hide his feelings and thoughts.

“How do you think he is doing?”

“An angel like him must be doing well, Gyu-ah.”

He had nodded, and you both had silently listened to the album on loop. 

It was an album about loss. All the songs definitely hinted at losing a loved one. Some could think of it as a romantic loss, but you and Wonwoo had always thought the singer was speaking of losing anyone close to you- a friend, a family member, any beloved human being, or even a pet. It was so fitting for the moment, and you cried too. Ultimately you both had fallen asleep on the couch, for the first time in forever, the two of you on the same couch, cuddling in a desperate attempt to comfort each other.

Once back in the palace, the familiar comfort of your brother, both basking in the shared shadow of grief, was absent. This was an environment you still hesitated to call home, in spite of spending a huge amount of your life between these walls. 

Because there is no longer a spectacled calm sea of love called Wonwoo by your side to tie you in during the high tides of anguish, pain and nervousness. To set you free from the clutches of overthinking and the burdens of your own intelligence. To help you escape from the depths of your mind and heart, and see the world that was beautiful without any dangerous inhibitions. 

There is another person sitting next to you now, kneeling before the elaborately framed, smiling photograph of Wonwoo that is before you, surrounded by candles and flowers as the Royal Family pays their respects to the death of their maknae. Not just the King and Queen are shedding tears, the thundering sky too seems to be crying too and drowning away the tears of the world with its louder downpour. You want to be stoic, but the wetness on the rim of your eyes are unavoidable. But there are no tears in Joshua’s eyes. His eyes are dark, full of an emotion you cannot place, and suddenly you feel very distant from him.

It is this feeling, primarily, that sets off the tears in you more wildly. The only person you expect to be on your side now seems to be so far away, and it seems so cruel that you cannot help the sudden tears that escape you now. The distanced coldness in Joshua is gone as soon as he sees you in this state, reaching out to hug you, but you can't control yourself. He pulls you in one corner, thankfully, and pats your back until you’re more yourself. 

“How are you holding up like this?”

He has the audacity to shrug and break your heart even more. What cruel curse is this that the person you loved the most has not only left your side, but now there is someone you’re left with, who will never love you?

“I’ve been training myself to harden my heart. I cannot cry before my parents, they need me to be strong.”

“But what about yourself?”

“It doesn’t matter what I feel.”

“It does to me.”

He looks up at you, you’re still cowering next to him, your knees pulled up to your chest as you hope to feel warmer.

“There is something comforting in knowing that I’m not the only one who feels like their heart is being broken to pieces by a hammer.”

He winces, but puts a hand around your own.

“If it means anything, it does feel like that to me too. Probably not as bad as you though.”

“But you’re his brother. You’ve known him for longer than I have.”

“But there is nothing stronger than the loss of a lover. Not even the loss of a family member.”

Then someone calls out for him from the crowds, and you’re left to yourself again, as you try to make sense of what he said.

_

“This is the album we used to listen to all the time. Wonwoo, Mingyu and I.” You show him a faded album cover, and he reads the title. 

“Can I listen to it, if you don’t mind?”

“Of course. I wanted to share it with you. Shared grief, you know?” You chuckle, as Joshua goes up to play the album. The first few songs are not even remotely sad, but he can see a tear rolling down your cheeks already. You jerk away the cup of cinnamon coffee from yourself, to prevent it from becoming salty.

When it finishes playing, Joshua lets out a long sigh he doesn’t even know he’s been holding in. This really confirms it for him. It breaks his heart a little more, although he’s known this for years, probably, but it still hurts.

“It’s a very moving album.”

“Hmm. The lyrics are almost poetry.”

“Yes. The way the singer describes the grief of losing a lover…. No wonder you could feel it so deeply.”

You’re looking at him funnily, and he raises an eyebrow.

“It’s not about losing a lover. I think it’s about losing any person who was close to you… the feeling of missing a beloved is not limited to romantic relationships, you know? Do you not feel the same way? Your calmness scares me.”

“No, I… I don’t know how to feel. It does hurt, a lot. But… somehow, the last year has been very hard for me. It’s changed the way I feel things, I think…”

And then you hug him, your fingers squeezing his shoulder blades. You’re impossibly close to him on the sofa, but he can’t hug you back. Not when you’ve literally shown him the album right now.

Not when he knows it for sure that his love for you will be forever unrequited.

He can speak again only when you shift away from him again, breaking the hug.

“Y/N, I… This was the world I wanted to avoid the most. I wanted to run away from it so bad. I did everything I could in the US to convince myself and my family to let me stay away, to prove that I was better off living away. And I had selfishly, left everything to my little brother, who was suddenly pushed into all this without expecting it. And I feel like a terrible person. I don’t deserve to cry-”

“Hey! Wonwoo never thought like that. He knew your reasons, and he never once complained about them.”

“Did he speak to you about it ever? I just feel like a piece of shit for leaving him in the middle of it all, instead of being the reliable hyung he should have leaned his back on and enjoyed the youthful days of his life. I can’t help but feel-”

And he does what he has tried to avoid all day. He doesn’t know what triggers it- your pats on his arm, the way your eyes are glued to his, or the memories of Wonwoo finally flooding his rationale. 

“You’re not responsible for his death, Joshua. You deserve to grieve, but do not beat yourself up. He never complained about anything. If anything, he knew he was a natural at this.”

“But Y/N that’s no consolation! I failed him!” He’s positively bawling now, and you shuffle to take him in an embrace again. He fights it at first, whispering something about snot, but you only chuckle and pull him in closer. There are several moments of silence after this, while he continues to sniffle in the crook of your neck.

“The days after he left, they were hell for me. I would hallucinate, I think. I saw him in my dreams, when I woke up I would call out his name, while eating or doing any work I would talk to myself, addressing myself with his name. Everyone thought I was going to lose my mind, but then… I reeled myself in. My stronger sense of intelligence stopped my emotional senses from losing it all.”

“You’re very strong, Y/N. I don’t know what I would do if I lost my lover.”

There’s another moment of silence. Joshua feels his heart beating fast, but then there is another heartbeat bursting in his ears, and it’s way faster than his. 

He realises it is yours. 

“Wonwoo and I… were never lovers, Joshua. I don’t know why you keep thinking that?”

Suddenly, his world is spinning. Joshua Hong doesn’t know what to say.

“What?”

He moves his body backward to look at you, to see if you’re fucking with him. It’s a cruel joke-

“Wonwoo and I were never in love. Romantically.”

“But you were engaged?”

He sees you take a deep breath in, and his eyes are bigger than the sun as he waits for you to answer. It’s a do-or-die moment for him. He keeps searching your eyes for any sign of a joke, but you look dead serious.

“That’s because… because Wonwoo was gay. He liked my brother. But he could never come out before the world, he knew he would die by public guillotine if he did that. So he decided to do the next best thing to marrying the love of his life. He decided to marry his best friend. That’s all.”

“Marrying his best friend? Wonwoo gay?”

“Yes,” he’s definitely delusional right now. He’s hearing all sorts of bullshit. This is why he was reigning in the tide. Too many tears and he’s light-headed. Drunk in his own pathetic feelings.

“He asked me about his dilemma, and what he was thinking of doing as a solution. We agreed to it as the best thing. I would support him in this tough journey, he knew that. And I knew that it was better to marry him than spend my life in an arranged marriage because I was not even looking for love-”

“Not looking for love?”

It’s your turn to look like your breath had been knocked out of your lungs, but you quickly recover, when you whisper to him, your voice suddenly far softer.

“Joshua…”

“Why did Wonwoo spoil your chances of finding love? You could have found love, you know?”

“Not when the only man I have ever loved was millions of miles away from me.”

No, he’s delusional for sure. It can’t be- no- never…

He sees you freeze, standing up, and suddenly the room is too cold in spite of it being the middle of September. Your body steps away from him, but he can’t move. Can’t seem to get a word out of his mouth, not a single thought in his mind. 

“Oh. I fucked up, didn’t I?”

And then you sprint, shutting the door behind you, and Joshua still can’t move a limb.

_

ix. 

“I love the way that you're designed

Love thе way we intertwine

Still don't need a rеason why

You're beautiful and now you're mine”

It seems like an eternity before you can stop crying. An eternity of unrequited love is burning itself down to atoms in your heart, and your whole body seems to be out of control. It’s been a long day, worn down by the grief of losing your friend, and now the pain of ruining the one friendship you had left.

As a teenager, you had anticipated this moment several times. Especially during the sleepless summer nights, when you would wonder how it would be if you ever confessed to Joshua. You had almost done it too, on so many occasions which kept floating to your brain now. When he had come to see you at your first debate finals in school, and he had hugged you after you had won, and treated you (and Wonwoo and Mingyu, who were your teammates) to bulgogi japchae and fried chicken. When he had patted your hair after you had scored your first goal in football, one of the many games you played with the boys. When he had given you the extra piece of dumpling from his plate because there were no more left and you had just remarked that it was the best dumpling you’d ever eaten. 

You are so lost in your own thoughts that you miss the footsteps behind you. A shame truly because Joshua is extremely loud in his running. Anyone in their right minds would be able to hear him from miles away. But not you. Your mind is blocked too much with echoes of your own voice, pathetic as you must have sounded when you had confessed your silly little infatuation. 

An infatuation that had lasted the struggles of time. 

All the lies you had always said. Not looking for love. Focused on my career right now. Too busy to date. I don’t believe in soulmates and that shit. All excruciatingly stupid excuses to hide the ache your heart made even after years, just at the thought of Joshua Hong. Even when you knew very well he was way out of your league and too far away, physically and emotionally from you, you had chosen him over any other person up your way. That fact in itself was so wretched: you had, like a fool, chosen him over and over, giving up any opportunities to embrace a now that would gratify the innate human need for romance, in hope for an extremely uncertain future. Over Yoon Jeonghan, who had fluttered his pretty lashes and drawled in his cherry sweet voice- but you were insecure that he was way more beautiful than you, and the only reason he was going on dates with you was to boost his ego about his own beauty. Over Xu Minghao, the calm, witty and incredibly romantic boy who matched you in every way possible, almost designed to be your soulmate by your own admission- but even the easily affectionate days you enjoyed with him in your college days had been overshadowed by the flickers of hope that one day, you would make Joshua’s heart race in the same burning, desperate way he still made yours race. 

Your body is exhausted from the overdrive. 

You’ve cried too much, it’s sucked out all the moisture from your system. You’ve not eaten in hours, and the pain of your heart is overcoming you in whole. So you let sleep take over you, expanding the memories to erase any sense of consciousness you retained for so long in vain.

_

Sickening how you’re dreaming of him even in your sleep. It’s extremely hazy, but you see his face smiling down at you, the dawn covering his features with shades of pink and orange that make his eyes glitter even more brightly than usual. 

He’s an angel, you think. 

Except your body is feeling too warm for it to be a dream. His smile seems to grow wider, and you can slowly see more of his face. 

Then he bends down to kiss your forehead. Then you’re asleep again.

_

When you finally wake up, he’s still staring at you. The slow breaths you take and release as you sleep so calmly in his lap, your head ever so lightly shifting from time to time. The edge of the wooden bench pokes his waist, but he would bear anything to see you sleeping in his arms like this. He can scarcely believe it, and he’s afraid that if he moves even a bit, it will disappear, like a myth he had gaslit himself into believing. 

So when you finally wake up, he can’t help but smile at you. The smile that’s been stuck on his lips ever since he realised seven hours ago, that you loved him back. That he was not an absolute fool in hoping he could make you his. That he was not the only one whose heart burned with the desire to touch you every time he saw you. 

He finally understood your point about shared grief. 

As the stars disappeared when the sun rose, he quietly prayed to Wonwoo. It was mean and selfish, to be grateful to him for bringing you to him by giving up his life. But he was able to ignore the demons in his head by thinking that the kind soul Wonwoo was, he had always brought you to him, he was the only one who had pushed you away in spite of his unending efforts. 

Hyung, can you come watch our debate finals? Y/N and Mingyu are also here…

Hyung, let’s call Y/N for your birthday too! She’s your friend too…

Hyung, can you help me choose which photos to post for Y/N’s birthday? I can’t choose, she’s too cute in all of them…

And he had saved all the photos. You were not just cute in all of them, but also the most elegant and beautiful lady he had seen. He was sure he found it harder than Wonwoo to pick just three photos, but he had to suppress the storms that blast his heart from time to time whenever he thought of you.

To think that you were in his arms now, waking up on a beautiful, clear, warm morning, your soft body shifting against his own. Your bright eyes finally opening to see him, as he continues to smile at you, urging you to wake up so that he could finally see the stars in your eyes, although they were long gone from the skies. 

“Good morning, princess.”

_

You’re hallucinating. Or you’re just still sleeping.

But it feels too real. Joshua’s warm body engulfs you as you wake up. 

“Good morning, princess,” he says again when he thinks you haven’t heard him. Oh, but you have.

“Joshua?” your voice is cracked, from sleep and tears. 

“Yes, Y/N?”

His voice is like honey dripping from a fountain of all things sweet and delicate.

“What are you doing?”

“Looking at you?”

“What? Why?” you’re genuinely confused as you try to get up, but his strong arms prevent you, and keep you trapped in the warmth of his soft lap.

“Because I’ve waited for thirteen years to see you wake up in my arms. And I’m not letting go now.”

You have to sit up now, so you resist his arms, and sit up, your body twisting to face Joshua. 

“What are you saying, Joshua Hong?” A single tear rolls down your cheek, fighting the urge to smile before you’re fully convinced this is real.

“I love you, Kim Y/N. I have, forever. Ever since I realised what love is. I never-”

“What?” Your jaw is open, so he smiles at the sight.

“I never imagined you would like me back.” His voice is softer as he leans closer to you.

You touch his cheek slowly, hesitantly, before completing placing your palm on cheek as he leans into your touch. It’s not real. No. You’re…

“Are you for real?” He smiles again, that angelic smile. 

“Is it that hard to believe?”

“Are you kidding me? Joshua! Please don’t joke with me. I’m dead serious!”

“So am I!” His eyes go wide, and you know now for sure.

It’s still so unreal, that you’re suddenly overcome by embarrassment and you hide your face in his shoulder. He chuckles, a melodic sound.

“Y/N, will you have me as yours?”

You can’t even look up at him, unable to look at the way he’s looking at you. The loving gaze in his eyes that makes your stomach somersault. You better get used to it, Y/N, you tell yourself. 

“As long as you want me as yours.”

“Always have, princess. And always will.”

_

x. 

“Spend a summer or a lifetime with me

Let me take you to the place of your dreams”

The next few days are a dream. A dream you had never dared to dream for longer than five seconds. But now, it seemed to engulf your entire existence. 

For loving and being loved by Joshua Hong is a happy heaven beyond imagination. It’s waking up, in his arms for the first time, on wooden benches in the lawns. It’s waking up next to him, in his arms again, as the sun catches your eyes and breaks your slumber. It’s waking up to the scent of rose and vanilla, which you think is his natural scent even without any perfume. 

It’s also sleeping in his warm embrace. It’s sleeping with minimal clothes but still feeling hot in the night because of how closely your bodies are entangled. It’s sleeping with your faces touching each others, so close you’re breathing in the carbon dioxide he is exhaling.

It’s an elixir that adds a million years to your life. 

It’s a honeymoon phase you know will never end. Not as long as Joshua Hong looks at you with the edges of his eyes crinkling up in explicable fondness, when you explain to him why it’s not correct to use each other’s toothbrushes. Not as long as he kisses you all over your neck and shoulders, complaining about how you had teased him for months in your tank tops. Not as long as he knocks out the breath from your lungs whenever you look at him, and you know that’s a feeling that’s never going to go away.

Or maybe it is just the happiness of Chuseok that permeates into you now, making you feel happier than ever.

_

Joshua knows this is what a dream coming true looks like. It looks like you wearing the softest, fluffiest yellow hanbok, designed to match with his own golden hanbok. Your hair is pushed back, revealing your full cheeks even more prominently, and when you smile, you look like the cutest strawberry.

As you walk up to him, still blushing, as the flashes of the cameras go off, he whispers, “You’re so beautiful, Y/N. I’m so lucky to be your husband.”

“Shut up! Don’t make me more shy than I already am.”

He latches his own arm to yours as you both bow to the crowds waiting ahead of you to open the celebrations for the day.

“I love it when you’re shyly blushing like that. Boosts my ego like nothing else.”

“God, Joshua Hong! You menace!”

“I know,” he whispers later at night, in your ears, almost a low growl, when you say the words again to him, but the annoyance in your voice is now overcome by a desperate neediness that not just boosts his ego but also shoots straight to his dick. For Joshua can’t think without his dick these days. Not when he strips you out of the hanbok, thanking god you had hidden up your curves all day, because if he knew you were wearing his favourite pearly white bra today, he’d not be able to function all day. Not when he kisses your nipples with growing fondness, having quickly realised how sensitive your breasts were. Not when his fingers slide easily into your wet cunt, almost like a habit now after the last few nights. 

He can cry thinking of how many times he’s imagined this, but when finally sinks himself into you, he loses it. Every fucking time he does it, he loses it. 

Tonight, he flips you to sit you down on him, and your eyes are going wide at the new angle, and you try bouncing on him, eager to make him feel good. And you are making him feel amazing, especially when he feels your breasts bounce on his face as he licks the valley between them. But he knows you’re getting tired with how many times his dick slips out when you raise yourself and you have to push yourself back again.

“Let me help you, baby.” And he thrusts himself up into you, causing a scream to leave your mouth, as you lean back against his knees. “You feel so good, Josh! Aaah- aah-” he cuts off your words and makes them into moans with his continuous thrusts. He whispers little words of encouragement to bring your orgasm faster as he feels himself getting closer with every little clench of your cunt. And when you finally cum, he shakes all over and cums into you too. Thank god you gave him the green light to fuck you raw, as you were habituated to your birth control pills. 

“I love you,” he says even later into the night, when he’s kissing you again, the post-orgasm bliss dissipating into a soft love that seals you both into a bubble of love that he thinks can never be broken. 

“I love you too, Joshua.” You kiss his forehead, and wrap your legs around him. As he feels his breathing stabilise against your own, he knows he wants nothing else from life.

#joshua #hong jisoo #svt #seventeen fluff #seventeen x reader #seventeen x you #svt x reader #svt fluff #joshua fluff #joshua x reader #seventeen joshua #seventeen fanfic #double take joshua #seventeen hong jisoo #joshua angst #joshua smut #seventeen angst #seventeen smut #seventeen fic

[novalpha]

𝘑𝘰𝘴𝘩𝘶𝘢 𝐹𝑖𝑐 𝑅𝑒𝑐𝑠

♡ Fluff || ୨୧ Angst || ★ Smut || ꗃ SMAU || ⌗ Series || ✿ Drabble || ♤ Mature (No smut) || ✹ Humor

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Virgin killer ♡★ -> @wonusite Part 2

Synopsis: You can’t stand the clear line the cute nerd in your calculus class always draws between you two. However, you’re determined to show him that there’s a fine line between love and hate. And if you happen to get him to cross that line, even better.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Anonymously Yours ♡୨୧✹ -> @joonsytip

Synopsis: After an accidental text message turns into a digital friendship, you and Joshua start crushing on each other without realizing you both see each other frequently in real life. Notable Mention: You both hate each other's guts....

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Pretty when you cry ★ -> @cheolhub

summary. joshua just loves how pretty you look when you’re in tears.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Say it back ♡ -> @diamondyjh

Synopsis: A tipsy Joshua is a clingy Joshua.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Vanilla ★♡ -> @milfgyuu

Summary: Joshua has a secret but perhaps it’s not really a secret at all. Maybe you’ve just refused to see it in an effort to keep your feelings at bay.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Wildest dreams ♡✹ -> @viastro

synopsis: it’s your last year of school forever, and you’re about to meet the most horrifying chapter of life: the real world. now worrying about your life’s lack of spontaneity, you decide to get married to your best friend in vegas for 24 hours.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Beautiful day Sunday morning ★♡ -> @sluttywoozi

Summary: Joshua’s tried everything, but he just can’t stop being in love with his best friend

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Steamy ★ -> @duhnova

next door neighbor!joshua - unfortunately in the middle of your shower your hot water breaks so you have to go next door and ask your unnaturally hot neighbor if you can use his

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Domino ♡✹★ -> @universecorp

Summary: After a one night stand on your birthday, you never expected to meet the stranger again. You also never expected him to enter your life permanently.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Under the rose ♡★ -> @just-come-baek

Summary: You’ve known Joshua your entire life, and it has always irked you when he got praised for the same things you were scolded for. You hate these societal double standards thrown upon you almost as much as people who judge you for it. Thankfully, you have Joshua, who just gets you.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Late to the party ★ -> @sluttywoozi Part 2 , Sundress Szn

Summary: You try to convince Joshua to go to Cheol's birthday party. Joshua tries to convince you to have a party for two | husband!joshua, husband joshua is horny and in love with you

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Your gentleman ★ -> @wonwussy

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Leaning on the everlasting arms ♡୨୧★ -> @onlyhuis

synopsis | as kids growing up in the same church, you and joshua were inseperable, until you got to an age where it was considered immoral for girls and boys to be friends. when you find him again just before graduation, he's different than you remember; but so are you.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Best friend's brother ♡୨୧★ -> @chocosvt

synopsis: joshua happens to be your best friend's older brother. he's pretty, and he's got a lot of cool details about him that you pay a concerning amount of attention to, but he’s just a friend (if you could even call it that). still, what does he think of you, anyway? that is—if he thinks of you.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ To you ♡୨୧★ -> @onlymingyus

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Fine line ♡୨୧★ -> @heartkyeom

synopsis: as a joshua fangirl, getting the chance to interview him as a teenager was an absolute dream. 10 years later with a flourishing career as a writer and a strained relationship with him, he wants to do a 10 year reunion interview about his path to the upcoming Olympics. there’s only one problem: you’re staying at his house and trying not to address your old feelings for him.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Untitled ♡୨୧ -> @gyu-effect

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Paint by numbers ♡୨୧ -> @chocosvt

synopsis: somebody new just moved into the upstairs apartment. they’re loud, irritatingly sweet, and unfortunately, very pretty. but you’re not looking for a new relationship, even if it comes in the form of joshua hong. 

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Golden Hour ♡ -> @dkfile

summer ends in less than a month, leaving you with a limited amount of time to build up the courage to profess your undying love for your best friend before he leaves again for college. alternatively the summer of pining, featuring a group of annoyed bystanders.

❙❘❙❙❘❙❚❙❘ ⌕ Cranberry concoctions ♡୨୧★ -> @onlyhuis

synopsis | you came to the infamous diamond glass looking for a good cocktail. instead, you found love in a hot bartender who also makes the best cosmos you’ve ever had.

[ More joshua recs will be updated ]

Want more Seventeen fic recs? -> Click here

#seventeen fanfic #seventeen x reader #svt smut #fic recs #seventeen angst #seventeen fanfics #seventeen fic rec #svt fic recs #seventeen fic recs #joshua angst #joshua fic #joshua fluff #joshua hong smut #joshua hong x reader #joshua imagines #joshua smut #joshua x reader #joshua scenarios #joshua recs #jisoo x reader #jisoo recs #jisoo smut #jisoo fluff #hong jisoo #shua fluff #seventeen fluff #seventeen fic #seventeen masterlist #seventeen smut

[babyleostuff]

[ 💿 ] . . . TAPE 3

말을 걸까 말까 한참 고민들이 막 / 머릿속에 자꾸 엉켜 / 같이 마시려고 했던 커피는 벌써 / 이미 두 잔째 비워

☁️ "falling for u" by seventeen

being loved by joshua hong means to be loved as if you were royalty. you are number one for him in everything, there is no person more important to him than you and there is nothing he wouldn't do for you. and the best part of it all? joshua doesn't even realize how down bad he is for you because treating you like a princess/prince comes naturally to him, as if he was born for this very purpose. his warm glances and gentle caresses of his hands are reserved for you only, they are like a secret that binds you together.

being loved by joshua hong means having your comfort person, because that's exactly what shua is. being with him is like being in your comfort bubble - you don't have to do anything specific, you could just be sitting in silence on the couch, each doing something different, but his mere presence makes you feel so safe and loved. one little smile or kiss on your cheek makes you forget all your troubles, even if only for a moment.

being loved by joshua hong means having a partner in crime. he is the person you can always count on to prank your friends or do other things that others would consider stupid or childish. you don't even have to finish your thought and joshua immediately says that he wants to be part of whatever you want to do. sometimes you feel like little mischievous children, doing the weirdest shit, but you never feel alone in it - joshua is always by your side.

being loved by joshua hong feels like blooming flowers in spring, like a warm breeze while walking under a cherry blossom, like a warm touch of a loved one that expresses more than a thousand words, like children's laughter full of innocence and sincere joy.

"i would not wish any companion in the world but you, nor can imagination from a shape, besides yourself, to like of." - william shakespeare, the tempest

taglist (if you want to be added, check my masterlist): @jeonghansshitester @weird-bookworm @sea-moon-star @hanniehaee @wonwooz1 @byprettymar @edgaralienpoe @staranghae @itza-meee @eightlightstar @immabecreepin @whatsgyud @hyneyedfiz @honestlydopetree @vicehectic @dkswife @uniq-tastic @marisblogg @aaniag @daegutowns @carlesscat-thinklogic23 @embrace-themagic @ohmyhuenings @nidda13 @hrts4hanniehae @k-drama-adict @isabellah29 @f4iryjjosh @bangantokchy @mrswonwooo @bangtancultsposts @lllucere @athanasiasakura @chillseo @onlyyjeonghan @haecien @caramyisabitchforsvtandbts @hannahhbahng @valgracia @ohmygodwhyareallusernamestaken @mirxzii @hhusbuds @wonranghaeee @rosiesauriostuff @gyuguys @aaasia111 @tomodachiii @veryfabday @lilmochiandsuga @asasilentreader @mrsnervous @bewoyewo @sharonxdevi @wondipity @gyuguys @raginghellfire @treehouse-mouse @waldau @wonootnoot @hellodefthings @dokyeomkyeom @sourkimchi @bbysnw

#[💿] - tapes #seventeen #seventeen x reader #svt reactions #seventeen carat #seventeen fluff #seventeen kpop #seventeen reactions #seventeen x you #seventeen imagines #svt fluff #seventeen reaction #seventeen x y/n #seventeen x oc #svt joshua #boyfriend joshua #joshua #joshua hong #joshua x reader #hong jisoo #joshua x you #joshua x y/n #joshua imagines #joshua reaction #joshua fic #joshua scenarios #seventeen angst #joshua fluff #joshua angst #svt imagines

[ts19009]

Seventeen Fic Rec's

(CONTAINS SMUT AND MATURE SUBJECT MATTER)

(Bold title means favorite)

(UPDATED: December 4th, 2023)

OT13

In Pursuit of Wedded Bliss (Updated Masterlist) (A Seventeen Regency!AU Series) @fantasyescapes17

seventeen fic recommendations

Kim Mingyu

In Soft Hands | Part 2 (Mingyu) @beahae (SingleDad!Mingyu x DaycareTeacher!Reader(f))

what’s your number?; kmg @nevernonline (synposis: after finding an online article about the number of sexual partners a woman should have, your day with your neighbor turns into him being lucky number eighteen. paring/s: model! mingyu x afab! reader, ft. little brother! chan.)

again and again ⟢(exes, fake dating, mutual pining, idol!gyu, vet!reader, mild angst, fluff, smut) @lovelyhan

creep (Halloween, ghost!mingyu, serial killer!mingyu, etc…) @smileysuh

Aphrodite (smut, friends to lovers, established relationship, fluff at the beginning) @highvern

Covert Desires (spy!mingyu x assasin!reader (fem!reader themes: spy au, mafia, enemies to lovers, fake marriage, mutual pining, spies, angst, fluff, killing) @etherealyoungk

Slowly; All At Once (fluff, best friends to lovers with Mingyu, boyfriend material!Mingyu, slight angst.) @gyuwoncheol

Hits Different (...'cause it's you) (1) (brother's best friend!au, brother!seokmin, fluff, angst, smut) @gyuswhore

His Smile(smut, fluff, slowburn, fake dating!au) @angelwonie

Parties, Yachts and Wishful Thinking (enemies to lovers, reader and Mingyu are rich, Mingyu is kind of an asshole but so is reader, parties, mentions of reader crushing on Wonwoo, drinking, cursing, tennis, yachts and pure filth) @ithinkilikeit-reactions

Other Mingyu recs @novalpha

we don’t usually hold hands (m) || kmg & reader (angst, fluff, smut, friends with benefits, idiots to lovers, sort-of-mean!oc, nice guy!mingyu, emotionally constipated!oc honestly) @gyukult

kim mingyu’s (unhelpful) guide to losing your virginity (smut, fluff, humor, college au, best friends to lovers au, friends with benefits au) @shuaflix

the very first night. (exes to lovers, roommates!au | romance, angst, smut) Link works on pc and through my reblog i think

OVER MY HEAD (brother'sbestfriend!mingyu, fratboy!mingyu, pining, friends to lovers, angst (only a little), reader's a chronic overthinker, slow burn, smut, f reader, oral (f receiving), penetrative sex, wonwoo's kinda absent </3, crying (blame mingyu), etc.) @hannieehaee

it’s all fun and games (mingyu x female reader ) @dontflailmenow

Hong Joshua (Jisoo)

Loverboy (regency era romance, historical, drama, slow burn, angst.) @starlightxsvt

cranberry concoctions (bartender!joshua x f!reader) @onlyhuis

Mr (not) so perfectly fine (Joshua Hong x Fem! Reader, not super relevant to the plot but, this is a Non-Idol AU, exes to exes with benefits, elements of angst) @hwanghyunjinenthusiast

the devil wears baby blue (mut (minors PLS dni!), strangers to fucking lol) @onlyseokmins

Virgin Killer (cheerleader!reader, nerd!shua, virgin!shua, he’s kinda cold in this but is lowkey still a soft boi, drinking, teasing, jealousy, reader has a little bit of a corruption kink, loss of virginity, oral sex (f and m receiving), unprotected sex, riding, multiple creampies, overstimulation) @wonusite

isohel (all time joshua fav) (slowburn, modern royalty au, angst, fluff) @toruro

mr. nice guy (, neighbor!joshua, joshua's muscles deserve their own tag tbh, oral (f receiving), alcohol consumption (NOT drunk sex), petnames (sweetheart mostly :pp), biting, spit kink, unedited as alway) @toruro

eyes meeting, hearts apart ⟢ (; bartender!reader, requited unrequited love, immense pining, angst, flowers, slow burn, smut (MINORS DNI)) @lovelyhan

Jeon Wonwoo

Jeon’s Anatomy - Cast (surgeon au) @hansols-yoda-boxers

Blown up love (gaming is all fun and... well, games, until you start crushing on the only person that takes pity on you and saves you from mobs.) @starsstuddedsky

I found love in your smile (doctor!wonwoo x lawyer!female oc) @wonlouvre

wonwoo reading list / fic recs part 3 ! @jeonride

meet cute of the century (meet cute, strangers to lovers, pining, discourse abt being an idol as a career, mild angst, smut) @lovelyhan

Licentious (babysitter au, cheating au, smut) @wonusite

to build a home (idol!husband! jeon wonwoo x actress!afab!reader) @tomodachiii

X + Y = YOU AND I ||( jeon wonwoo academic rival!wonwoo x fem!reader) @angelwonie

yoon jeonghan

just one day (fluff // angst // nonidol!au // brother's best friend // fake dating!au // they're idiots lmao // not edited nor proofread so pls bear w me lol // cursing and. two? kissing scenes.) @wonwoonlightligh

to live again (ime travel!au, childhood friends to lovers!au, slow burn, angst, some fluff, some humor) @viastro I WAS CRYING PLS READ

Pathetic Series @leejihoonownsmyhearthoonownsmyheart

Jeonghan’s Guide to Insurance Fraud (And Falling in Love) (fluff, angst, non-idol au, elementary school teacher!jeonghan, f2L, fake relationship) @starsstuddedsky

xu minghao

✧ the letter (slowburn, fluff, angst, childhood f2l) @toruro

✧ flight of the stars (mut (18+ / mdni), f1 au, brief high school au, angst, fluff) @toruro

✧ oh my! @toruro

fixer upper (s2f2l. “beg” minghao. LOTS OF PLOT with eventual smut. slow and i mean SLOW burn. some member slander(affectionate),) @seungkwansphd

Glacial Pace (fake dating au, friends to lovers, fluff, smut) @wonusite

To Keep You Warm @idyllic-ghost

Kwon Soon-young

My Best Friend's Mother (is the One For Me) — ksy (milf chaser!soonyoung, milf!reader) @rubyreduji

driving lessons for dummies (fluff, humor, smut, strangers to lovers au, college au) @shuaflix FAV ATM XD

be sweet (prince!hoshi x princess!reader) @heartkyeom

charity f*ck (virgin guy who lives with his parents!soonyoung, he’s not shy but he is very clumsy, a lot of texting so be prepared for that format for a lil bit (THIS IS NOT A SOCIAL MEDIA AU), facetime-sex, real life sex) @ncteez

#seventeen x reader #seventeen #svt #mingyu #kim mingyu #seventeen fic #seventeen imagines #seventeen smut #seventeen fluff #seventeen angst #seventeen series #joshua hong smut #joshua x y/n #hong jisoo smut #hong jisoo #wonwoo smut #wonwoo #jeonghan x y/n #yoon jeonghan smut #yoon jeonghan #minghao #xu minghao #the8 #minghao x reader #minghao fluff #minghao smut #mingyu x reader #hoshi #kwon soonyoung #soonyoung x reader

[magisland]

DON’T ACT MAD AT ME

youre having a date with your boyfriend, joshua, but you seem a bit.. off and irritated. joshua notices, but doesn’t say anything about it, yet.

“isn’t the view beautiful, love?”, joshua asks looking at you with shining eyes. “yea.. i suppose it is” you roll your eyes a bit, looking away from your boyfriend. your actions are hurting joshua, why would his partner treat him like this on his birthday?

“love, are you-“

“can’t we just go home? im feeling tired” you cut joshua off. the boy only gives you a small smile and nod, “okay, let’s go home”

the drive home was quiet, joshua always glancing at you to see if you’re still mad at him and you are, your face shows how much you are serious, you’re really not in the mood to talk and he decides to respect that, even if he is dying to know what made you start to act like this and what he can do to make you feel better.

you let joshua enters the house first, the house is so quiet and dark until joshua turns on the living room lights, revealing a surprise birthday party for him with all his friends.

“surprise! happy birthday!” his friends and you shout to him, you hug him from behind and place a kiss on his cheek, “happy birthday, honey”, your smile being brighter than ever.

“i thought you were mad at me!” he turns around and grabs you by the waist, placing a kiss on your forehead before looking at his friends smiling, “thank you everyone!”

you giggle, “its so hard to act like im mad at you!! i was almost giving up, it was hurting me see you hurt”

“oh, just kiss already!”, mingyu says and the others follow agreeing with him.

joshua smiles and leans closer to you, his soft lips meet your, giving a gently kiss, when he pulls back you see him smiling like it was the first time he kissed you, “don’t act mad at me again, i was so sad and worried thinking that i did something wrong”, he says pouting and cupping your cheeks.

“i swear i won’t, now let’s enjoy your birthday, okay?”

#hong joshua #joshua #joshua fluff #joshua fanfic #joshua scenarios #joshua oneshot #joshua angst #joshua imagines #hong jisoo #hong joshua fluff #joshua x you #joshua x reader #seventeen fluff #seventeen imagines #seventeen x reader #seventeen fanfic #seventeen angst #seventeen scenarios #seventeen #svt fluff #svt imagines #svt fanfic #svt angst #svt scenarios #svt imagine #svt joshua

[twice-inamillion]

The Company

Interlude 1

Smut and Story Building 

1,185 Words

(A small timeskip. Will be introducing some new characters and imporant events) 

It’s been a couple of months since you and Jessica hooked up. The weekend was one of many nights that the two of you spent together. At first, she made the excuse of visiting IU and Taeyeon and would try to get a quick one before meeting them. You know her trick and obviously didn’t reject the offer. Instead, you made sure to pump a load or two before she left to meet her friends. 

————

With two confirmed groups for the company, you took some time to get to know them without exposing your position as CEO. You came up with a false position as a trainer/staff to better know some of the trainees before their official debut. 

Your assistants were fine with the idea since it gave you a chance to be involved in their bi-weekly evaluation process, but not most felt that way. There were some staff that were a bit stressed by your presence by having the CEO breathing down their back. You assured them that they could act normally and that your focus was on the trainees.

After the first week, their stress disappeared due to how involved you were with the trainees. They enjoyed watching you become a backup dancer, even cheering you as you took off your shirt. 

“Wow, such a hot body!”

You turned around to catch the person who yelled that but only saw the girls holding their laugh. 

“Alright, let’s end this here. Good job, girls,” says one of the female trainers. 

You return to the seats and grab a towel to wipe yourself off. Through the large room-sized mirror, you see someone eyeing you, biting her lip as you dry your face. 

“Jennie unnie, let’s go. We need to head out and get to class,” says the girl next to her. The girls gather their bags and rush out the door. 

“CEO nim, sorry for the rude comment the girls made. I’ll talk to them later today,” says the female trainer.

“Don’t worry about it. They’re just being playful. No harm done.”

“Thank you for being so understanding.”

“Also, what's the girl’s name again?” pretending not to know her.

“Her name is Kim Jennie, aka Jennie.”

Later that day, while waiting in the cafeteria line, you get a feeling of someone eyeing you and notice it’s Jennie sitting across the room with four other girls. You grab your food, take your tray to an empty table, and begin eating. That feeling of someone watching you continues throughout lunch, even as you pass by them to return your tray. 

You change your outfit, return to your office, and pull up the group’s file:

Group A:

Kim, Jisoo

Kim, Jennie

Cho, Miyeon

Park, Chaeyoung 

Manobal, Lisa

Group B:

Irene

Kang Seulgi

Son Wendy

Park Joy

You look at Jennie’s file and see numerous comments stating that she has an ‘It girl” factor based on her looks, language, rapping skills, and stage presence. Many state they have hopes for her in the group. You look at her pictures and videos from her evaluations and can’t help but want to get to know her. After much thinking, you decide to make her your new toy as you close her file.

————

You leave the practice room, walk towards the hallways, and see Irene. You stop, look through the window slot, and see her together with her future girl group. You watch as she stands in front of the group, plays the music, and gets into formation. 

“They’re good. Irene chose some good members.” 

You take out your phone and take a quick snap but forget to turn off the flash; Irene turns her head and sees your apologetic face. She runs to the door and opens it, yelling at you to go away. You run and turn the corner, laughing out loud as some of the staff members look at you with worried expressions, as they have never seen the CEO act this way. 

————-

Throughout the next week weeks, you notice Jennie throughout the company or calling you to move some furniture around when the rest of the members are not around, and you’re surprised by the way she talks to you so comfortably, “Oppa, can you move that over there? Is to heavy for me” as she pouts. “Sure, don’t worry about it” carrying some heavy boxes from one corner of the living room and into another. You tell yourself that you shouldn’t have played the staff role since you’ve been busy recently, but you can’t blow your cover, so instead, you suck it up for a bit longer. 

“Here, that’s it. Anything else?”

“No.” She comes close to you and touches your biceps, “You’re so strong, oppa. Do you work out a lot?”

“I do work out a bit here and there” as you flex your muscles. She claps and says, “Wow, does that mean you’re strong?”

You pick her front her waist with much ease, making her yelp from the surprise, and say, “Wait, what are you doing?” You spin her around once, then hear the door open and see the other four members enter the apartment. Immediately, you put her down, and the both of you pretend that nothing happened, but the girls see Jennie’s reaction and can’t help but laugh. 

“Alight, I’ll take my leave if there is nothing else for me to do.” 

“Jennie, don’t you want to say goodbye to oppa?”

Jennie turns red and covers her face from the teasing of her members as you exit their apartment. 

—————

You get a phone call and see that it's from Jessica. When you answer the phone, you can hear her upset, almost crying. “Jessica, what’s wrong?” There is a short silence and a cry until she finally speaks up, “Can you pick me up?” Worried you let her know that you’ll be there in a couple of minutes in front of her apartment. 

When you arrive, you see that she is waiting by the entrance of the building with a small suitcase and bag. She comes in a hurry, so you quickly open the door and load her items inside. You arrive at your apartment and settle her things down; you offer her something to drink as she sits on the couch. “Would you like something to drink?” She gives it some thought and eventually says, “I think I’ll go for a tea.” You’re surprised by her choice since she normally gets some wine whenever she visits. 

You hand over the drink and sit next to her, asking her what’s wrong and why she’s so upset. She breaks down and says repeatedly that it’s not fair. “What do you mean by it’s not fair? What happened?”

“The company and the girls are kicking me out of the group.” 

“What? Why?”

Jessica stands up and undoes her thick coat, revealing a small bump. In a panic, you say, “Are you…”

She nods and says, “Yeah, I’m pregnant with your child.”

#blackpink #jennie #jisoo #lisa #miyeon #jessica jung #irene bae #joy #wendy #seulgi #TM smut #kpop smut #male reader #kpop fluff #kpop angst #kpop male reader #kpop reader #kpop x reader #kpop girls #idol angst #idol x male reader #reader x idol #girl idol smut #kpop idol smut

[miabebe]

Double Take (HJS)

Pairing - Jisoo × Reader

Genre - Romance, Angst, Smut, Arranged marriage AU, Fashion influencer! Reader, Businessman! Jisoo, Fiancé! Jisoo

A/n - Well, well, well, Happy Jisoo day everyone! This is the first installment of 7 days with 17! I'll be posting one chapter everyday over a week so please look out for it and do leave your thoughts!

Chapters -

Monday - Constellation of stars

Tuesday - Summer of a lifetime

Wednesday - Rose tinted dreams

Thursday - Hooked onto something (m)

Friday - Far from the truth (m)

Saturday - You're my vice, You're my muse

Sunday - Do you feel the love? (m)

#Jisoo series #joshua series #jisoo angst #jisoo smut #jisoo fluff #hong jisoo #seventeen jisoo #joshua angst #Joshua smut #joshua fluff #seventeen joshua #seventeen series #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen #joshua × reader #jisoo × reader

[joonsytip]

Anonymously Yours || Joshua Hong

Pairings: Joshua x Fem!Reader Genre: Fluff, Angst, Humour (broken coz mine), high school au, enemies to lovers au, strangers to lovers au, anonymously yours au. Synopsis: After an accidental text message turns into a digital friendship, you and Joshua start crushing on each other without realizing you both see each other frequently in real life. Notable Mention: You both hate each other's guts.... Word Count: 18.6k Inspired By: Mexican Flick - Anonymous yours. Warnings: profanities, Joshua acts dumb one big time, mentions of periods, tears and tears but mostly fluffy, protagonists don't know how to act around each other (lmk if I missed any) Banner credits to my baby @wannabeyourshua . Also, it's your birthday present from me, hope you like it! Taglist: @wannabeyourshua @hoeforhao @kimmych @chocolatekdramakpopfreak @starlight-night0 @alyssng @imsjane @i-dont-give-a-fok @gaebestie @meowmeowminnie @hanniehaeism

Please heart, comment and reblog, would really help to keep me going <3

[SVT Flick : Fic Masterlist] [SVT Masterlist]

Unknown Number:

[3:05 AM] Hey!

It was great meeting you! Maybe we should meet again sometime soon :)

What do you think?

You:

[3:09 AM] It's 3am for god's sake???

You got the wrong number!

Unknown Number:

[3:10 AM] Haha, not funny! It's me.

You gave me your number at the party :(

[3:12 AM] They gave you the wrong number obviously.

Now stop right there & let me sleep!!!

The blaring sound of the alarm is hurting your ears and adding to your headache.

"Ugh, I can't even sleep without getting interrupted.", you groan but manage to lift your body to do two trivial things. One, stopping that goddamn alarm. Two, checking your phone.

8 AM. The time glares back at you.

You have a class at 9, well assignment submission to be more precise and you're still in your bed, half awake, half grumpy.

Next half an hour goes in a blur as you gobble down your breakfast and smoothie that your mother makes daily, it's almost like a tradition and good part is that you don't hate it. The only bad part is that the same conversation that follows everyday of them insisting you to join the family business and you dismissing them because you have a passion that you want to turn into profession.

Currently you're waiting for your best friend, Hyerin, who's never not late to pick you up.

Some insights on Hyerin, she's your best friend, have been your friend since when you knew could pronounce that term. She's pretty, easy going, quite popular and star player of the school's tennis team.

Hyerin Calling....

You don't have to pick up that call so rather you are running straight down the block knowing that she's waiting there with her jeep.

"Babe, I'm late because of her.", she says as she points at her younger sister, Hyejoo who is seated in the backseat.

"I admit. But you know the other 99 times of 100, we're late because of whom", she immediately quips back in her defense.

You roll your eyes, bored of their banter and turn on the radio to have a vibe to jam to till you the reach the school.

As soon as you cross the threshold of the school, Hyerin is hijacked by Jeonghan, her tennis partner and Hyejoo situates herself with basketball teammates when she spots them.

And you're left alone.

And you're used to it.

The final bells rings indicating that you should be now sprinting to the class to avoid the grudges of your literature teacher.

You are with your full concentration tangling the wires of your earphones around the phone while climbing up the stairs when you suddenly bump into someone.

Your head whips up to see the other person, glaring at you having his shirt stained in coffee which he was supposed to drink.

"Sorry, very sorry", you take out your handkerchief and just as try to dap on the shirt, that person backs away.

"Please give your number, I'll pay for the dry cleaning.", you say politely.

"No need, I can pay for myself", that person grumbles, "Do me favour and from next time keep your eyes open while walking."

He says and walks away leaving you speechless and infuriated.

"What an ass, I was trying to nice.", you mutter before sprinting to the class.

Joshua is already having a bad day so when the only thing he was looking forward to, coffee from his favourite café got spilled on his shirt because of some girl who can't walk straight, he is vexed.

Fortunately, he doesn't have classes within next hour so he goes straight to basketball ground. He has been enrolled into this high school recently so he has no friends, neither he intends to make any.

He fishes out his phone and taps on a contact who's name he doesn't know and proceeds to send a text.

Joshua:

[9:35 AM] Hey, sorry for waking you up last night.

Stranger:

[9:36 AM] No worries, I fell asleep right back.

Joshua:

A heavy sleeper it seems lol.

Stranger:

[9:37 AM] You can say that. And whoever did this to you is so mean, they could have told you no instead of doing this.

Joshua:

[9:37 AM] Ikr. I was at this party last night when my best friend insisted me to ask her number coz according to him I was checking her out.

Stranger:

[9:40 AM] Didn't work out for you :(

"Hey cutie, are you new here?", Joshua who is now quietly watching the match is called out by Hyejoo.

"I am.", he responds right away.

"Wanna play with us?", Hyejoo asks twirling the ball on her index, a sly smile set on her lips.

"Yes.", Joshua simply says and jogs down to the play arena.

"Before we get started, I'm hosting a party today and you're invited.", Hyejoo says, her expecting eyes staring at him.

"Thanks for the invite but sorry I won't be attending.", Joshua replies and extends his hand, asking for the ball.

Hyejoo immediately backs down, tossing the ball , "Then you don't get to play."

"What?", Joshua's face twists in a mix of confusion and rage.

"You heard it right.", Hyejoo taunts him further.

"Are you being serious?", Joshua chuckles in disbelief, "Such a spoilt brat."

Hearing this, Hyejoo's friend Jisung walks upto him and grabs his collar in aggression, "What did you say?"

"Exactly what you heard. You're her bodyguard or what?", Joshua smirks.

And the next second a hard punch lands on his face. Just as he was about to retort the sports coach shouts, "The group over there, you're all going for detention."

A series of groans are heard.

You look around in utter disappointment. Well, detention room could and should never be appealing to anyone.

It's your fault you're here because you couldn't cure your curiosity when you saw a text from the familiar unknown number and your hands immediately to had respond back even after getting two warnings from the teacher.

Sitting idle never does you good, so you deck your bag on the desk which is going to act as a makeshift pillow and next you rest your head on it.

Joshua enters the room and the first person he spots is you, who had deprived him the privilege of drinking morning coffee.

With a scowl set on his face, he walks past you and sits on the corner most seat.

Next, a smile plasters on his face as he takes out his phone goes through the conversation between him and the stranger.

Mrs. Yoo walks in with all her glory knowing she's very much despised by the students not because she's an ass of a person but for her detention projects she puts everyone through.

You heave a sigh, unbothered to greet the teacher.

Her heels clanks sharply against the floor as she walks to the teacher's desk and taps her finely manicured nail against the table with a sickening sweet smile plastered on her face, sweet enough to make everyone else present in the room barf out.

"I'll get to the point straight. Block your calendars for Saturdays & Sunday, 2 to 5, every week.", she orders, unphased by the string of protests coming in.

You exchange glances with Hyejoo, who looks equally terrified.

"But I have classes", you speak up, "And I guess everyone has some or other sort of commitments as well."

"That's for you and everyone else to manage. Should have thought before.", she points her eyes at you and moves on, "I'll create a gc and add everyone of you. So the venue of next meetup will be shared across. And I want full attendance.", her voice holds the authority and every single being present there knows that they would be attending otherwise the wrath of Mrs. Yoo is not something anyone would like face.

Sundays are no more Fundays.

Hyerin's are rich rich. So whenever her parents are out of town for business, both the sisters throw parties and invite the whole town, okay not whole but they'll be almost there soon.

And you are present in each of them, as a pure obligation and to be a good friend to Hyerin.

Parties are not your thing, it never was and it's safe to say it will never be. Because your social batteries are weak and that's why while everyone is doing beer pongs or fuzzy duck or whatever questionable things, you sit by the pool, in calm, legs dipped in the cold water.

"Oh there's my girl!", you hear Hyejoo as she sits beside you.

"Congrats, you found me.", you shrug and swing your legs lightly in the water, making a brief eye contact with her.

"Thanks for coming.", she says leaning on her shoulders, "I know parties are not your thing but your presence matters. And thanks for these dresses? Like I don't know how you do it everytime, you have magic in your hands ."

"Don't go all sappy on me, Joo.", you chuckle and lay your head on hers, "But thanks for the words."

"Anything for you, love.", she smiles and closes her eyes basking in your presence until she hears a call of her name.

"Gotta go.", she immediately gets up and sprints to the hall as she yells, "Tell me whenever you wanna leave, I'll drop you off!"

You shake your head and take out your phone.

You:

[9 PM] You there?

Unknown Number :

[9:01 PM] Hey!

Just pulling a marathon of Victorious.

[9:02 PM] Cool! Cat Valentine my love.

Do you like parties?

Unknown Number:

[9:04 PM] Depends on the people, both accompanying and hosting.

What about you?

You:

[9:05 PM] I don't exactly like parties.

I'm that miserable wallflower :(

Unknown Number:

[9:07 PM] Come on, you're not miserable, it's just that you don't feel it, you're not into it.

You :

[9:09 PM] Maybe....

Joshua stares at the phone screen a little longer before chucking the phone on the bed. He sighs and his thoughts drift away to the same old wistful thinking.

There's a knock on the door and he hums in acknowledgement, allowing the person to enter.

"Make space for me, I'm tired.", Mingyu is already nudging Joshua who lets out a grunt but shifts anyway.

"If you're tired, go to your home and sleep on your bed.", Joshua remarks in an agitating tone but both of them know that he's actually far from that.

Mingyu laughs and snuggles closer to him, "That's not how you treat your best friend.", he playfully quips, "I have a match on Sunday, you're coming right?"

"When have I missed any of your matches?", Joshua rolls eyes, "Mixed Doubles?"

Mingyu nods, "The practice is thinning me tired.", he then taps on Joshua's arm and the later extends his arm so Mingyu can lay his head on.

"How's new school?", Mingyu asks.

A bit of silence before Joshua answers, "It's okay."

"Made new friends?", Mingyu asks with concern.

"No. Don't wanna.", Joshua says, "I'm just doing it because I have to."

"Tried talking to your mom about this?"

"Gyu", he trails off even though he has so much to say.

"I'm all ears Josh. Even if it's the same old talk, I'm willing to listen. Please tell me.", he insists.

"I had promised dad, that I'd become like him.", Joshua stills when that exact memory flash in front of his eyes, "After his death, I have fully devoted myself to studies so that I can get accepted to the best law academy. My mom always keeps on encouraging me and I know she wants to keep my dad's profession alive through me because she thinks I'm as much interested She's not at fault for doing so but..."

Mingyu waits with all the patience in the world, just for his friend to pour out everything, so that it hurts him less, so that his suffocation lessens even if in miniscule amount.

Pouring out is always better than bottling in.

Joshua relents for a moment but he knows that the listener is never going to judge him, that he's always there to share the burden so he continues, "When I was younger it was fascinating, I wanted to become lawyer but in recent years I don't feel the same. Heck, I don't even know what I like or what I'd like to have in as a career but it's definitely not something in law."

Mingyu listens and he worries a lot about his best friend because he knows that Joshua isn't particularly vocal and impulsive. He's neither outspoken nor indecisive.

If it had been him, Mingyu would have relayed his thoughts to his parents and worked a way out but it's not him.

It's Joshua.

It's Joshua, who would never willingly hurt his mother, even if it costs his mental health and choices.

It's Joshua, who on Mingyu's fifteenth birthday gifted him a Yonex Racket because Mingyu wanted one from long time but his parents weren't interested to invest in such an expensive racket. It had costed Joshua all his savings. It also costed Joshua his ears for all the scoldings he got from his and Mingyu's parents.

Mingyu is perceptive.

Joshua is also perceptive except for times when it comes to himself.

"Take your time Josh. We're too young to be worried about stuffs.", Mingyu says and turns to the other side, "Set the alarm at 6. I have practice."

"You're so bothersome.", Joshua quips with no seriousness instead setting the alarm on his phone but only after kicking Mingyu on his shin, "Go change into something comfortable atleast."

Mingyu just hums and Joshua pulls over the comforter.

Mrs. Yoo stands patiently and all the students wonder why in the world they are standing outside an abandoned playground.

"I am gonna divide everyone in teams of two and you're gonna paint the walls of this playground.", Mrs. Yoo smiles wide as she sees the distress showcasing on the faces of her students, "and do gardening."

"What's the meaning of us doing all this?", you voice out in genuine concern.

"To make you all aware of the privileges you have been availing all your life.", Mrs. Yoo answers, "And I decide when the detention will be over so behave accordingly."

As if it wasn't already nauseating, Mrs. Yoo decides it's best if you pair up with Joshua Hong.

The same Joshua Hong who can't look at you without glaring.

"So let's start with making the soil bed", you say not looking at him as you two manage to gather some wooden sticks and tie the ends together.

Joshua hums disinterested and suddenly pours the bag containing manure into the bed without soil.

"Stop! what are you doing?", you scream as if facing a mid life crisis and he glares at you again.

You sigh, "That's not how it's done. We'll have to put a layer of soil and level it first --"

"Fine.", he cuts of you and starts pouring the soil bags one after one.

Your eye twitches and you think Joshua Hong can't be this dumb. He is definitely trying to stress you out.

"You're not helping at all, if you're doing it wrong.", you relay your mind to him and it irks you more when Joshua's response is same, it comes in form of his glare.

You glare back at him and he finally says, "Okay, do it yourself then."

He walks away and you're actually relieved because being in his vicinity is becoming the bane of your existence.

Suddenly your phone dinges and you smile looking at the notifications.

Unknown Number:

[3:26 PM] I'm having a really bad day ಠ_ಠ

You:

[3:28 PM] Yours wouldn't even compare to mine.

There's this boy whom I really can't tolerate but we keep on meeting.

Unknown Number:

[3:29 PM] Lol Same! There's a girl and I don't want her to even breath in my direction.

You: [3:30 PM] Damn, we're in same predicament huh.

Unknown Number:

[3:31 PM] Guess so... Gotta go, bye.

You:

[3:32 PM] Bye bye! He's coming towards me again, gosh ༎ຶ⁠‿⁠༎ຶ

Unknown Number:

[3:32 PM] Goodluck, I guess...

Joshua laughs as he sends the text. The lingering smile on his face immediately vanishes when his eyes lands on you.

"Do you prefer to paint with brush or rollers?", you ask Joshua who's busy watching something on his phone.

He presses pause button on the screen and looks at you, "First of all, I can't paint to save my life.", he states, "So brush or rollers doesn't matter. It's same for me."

You nod and hand him a roller, "You won't be much help here too, so please do a favour and with start painting the walls these rollers, roll up vertically please. Don't change the direction."

"Who are you to order me around?", Joshua glares at you.

You think you are going to get hernia because of stress he's giving you lately.

"I'm someone who knows how to paint so instead of running your mouth why don't you try utilising those hands of your?", you spat out and turn around walking to the opposite side.

Joshua sees red.

He thinks he's going to have appendicitis because of the stress you're causing him.

You smile looking at the beautiful hues in the paint buckets.

Atleast something is able to calm your nerves.

"Don't you think he's handsome?"

Suddenly an arm is thrown over your shoulder that almost causes you to topple to the front.

"Who?", you quirk your brows questioningly at Hyejoo.

"Duh, who else your  partner. Joshua Hong.", she answers and turns you around so now you have to look at Joshua again.

You squint eyes at him, "He definitely looks good but he's an asshole."

Hyejoo smirks, "Really? I thought he's a cutie. Anyways, I like him."

You make gagging noises, "You have had not less than thousand crushes and that's totally cool but please not him."

"As if I'd listen to you."

"Yeah whatever. Maximum a week and then you will get to a new guy as always.", you mumble, "So fine."

Hyejoo leaves after Mrs. Yoo warns her to not pester anyone.

You sigh in relief and take out your phone.

You:

[4 PM] Whatcha doing'

Unknown Number:

[4:01 PM] Something I don't know how to do...

You:

[4:02 PM] Lol why?

Unknown Number:

[4:03 PM] Pure Compulsion.

You:

[4:03 PM] Ugh sucks.

Unknown Number:

What sucks more is when you have no one who understands you.

You:

[4:04 PM] Know that feeling.

I feel like no one understands me as well.

Unknown Number:

We have been talking for few days now and we don't even know each other names.

So may I know your name?

You stare at your phone screen, re-reading the text that had just appeared. Suddenly a pleasant idea pops in your mind and you happily type that away.

You:

[4:08 PM] I have an idea.

We won't share our names, any personal details, voices messages or pictures.

We'd be anonymous and get to know each other for real.

What say?

Joshua's face morphs into something that's both confusing and amusing. He doesn't think much finding it fun to try something new.

Joshua:

[4:10 PM] Let's that do.

Anonymous, saved.

Anonymous :

[4:10 PM] Anonymous, Saved :)

Joshua stands up holding the roller and tries to follow what you said. He dips the roller into the paint bucket containing orange paint and starts rolling it up vertically section wise.

He is having fun, too much fun that he accidentally spills the colours on the white tee shirt he is wearing underneath the jacket.

"What the hell?", he grunts, looking at his now stained tee, "Why doesn't anything work out for me?"

He feels emotional all of a sudden. He feels vulnerable, every thoughts that were pushed at the back of his mind starts to resurface.

He remembers the day he lost his father.

He remembers the moment when the girl he liked left the city one day and never came back.

He remembers --

"Hey, are you okay?"

Joshua hears you and falters at the tone of concern in your voice.

He simply nods and faces the wall.

"I can help you", Joshua stiffens but immediately relaxes when you say further, "to fix your tee."

"Do you have spare clothes?"

Joshua turns to face you and nods.

"So go get changed now and give me this tee.", you state and he throws an incredulous look.

"Are you planning to ruin my tee?", he asks, "What are you gonna do with it?"

"You'll see.", you say rolling eyes, "Hurry up, we don't have forever."

Joshua gets changed and hands you the tee.

You search your bag and take out your sewing kit.

Joshua sees your hands skim through the bag again and this time you fish out a bunch of cloth patches.

Next hour passes in a blur as you cut the ends of threads with scissor.

"It's done I guess.", you sigh and look at Joshua, "Manageable? Looks descent?"

He gapes at the tee in your hand and then he gapes at you.

You think he's cute with those bambi eyes resembling that of deers.

He is shaken out of trance by your light nudge.

"Woah, you're....", he manages to speak out, "so good... You gave this tee a whole new look and it's obviously trendier then the previous one."

You smile at his compliments. A smile that doesn't reach your eyes.

"Glad you liked it." you hand him the tee and start to assemble all the scattered tools and clothes putting them in your bag.

Then without another word, you get up and start to walk away.

Joshua ponders as he sees your figure diminishing from his sight, "Why did she look sad even if I was complimenting her?"

"Damn, did you see that!!", you scream absolutely astonished when Hyerin & Jeonghan won the break point of the game, leading the first set 5-3.

"That's my sister!", yells Hyejoo and looks at you, "She's so good, if she wasn't my sister, I'd have been a fan."

The next game starts soon with Jeonghan doing the first serve and that ends quickly both of them sweeping the game with 40-0. Mingyu and his partner Seji are down by a set.

"Come on Mingyu! You can do better than this!"

You heard a very familiar voice not from far and crane your neck to see Joshua cheering up the opponents.

Must be his friends from previous school, you think.

"Oh my god, Josh's here too.", Hyejoo squeals and you roll eyes choosing to ignore her.

You are recording the match when you feel Hyejoo fleet from your side and it doesn't take a genius to figure out she's going to Joshua.

With the camcorder still recording you turn and through the lens you see a very agitated Joshua who's constantly ignoring whatever Hyejoo is saying.

A smile creeps upon your face.

Joshua suddenly turns and your gazes meet through the lens.

And you freeze.

Joshua squints his eyes at you before walking away and towards the players resting area which makes you realize that the opponents won the second set and you should be doing the same.

You hurriedly run over only to see a pissed off Jeonghan which is scary because the guy is always full of mischiefs and is a moodmaker.

"What happened Han?", you ask and the stare he gives you is enough to regret speaking up.

"Seji, she's his ex Y/N.", Hyerin explains further, "They used to play together and since they didn't end up on good terms it's kinda hard for him to see her and play against her." That clicks, why Seji seemed so familiar to you.

You give a nod of understanding and next you're crouching in front of him and he looks at you in confusion, "Whatever that happened must have happened for a reason and it's all in the past Han. I think it's an opportunity for you."

Jeonghan perks up, "Opportunity?"

"Yes opportunity.", you pat his arm, "For you to get over her and to discard all those lingering feelings. Also to get the cup and lift that trophy. You could have it all sorted Han, it's your now or never moment."

Hyerin listens to you mesmerized and Jeonghan cracks an all toothy grin.

"Thanks Y/N.", he acknowledges, "For making me see things clearer."

You get and huff, "I don't want your thanks. Just win this match and treat me to BRs."

"Okay deal.", Jeonghan extends his pinky and you hook yours to his.

"There's still time, strategize your play", you say looking at the timer, "All the best guys!", and you run away.

"Thank God, Seji has gone to washroom.", Mingyu sighs in relief, "She's already pissed off since she knew we're playing against Jeonghan and if she heard all this, I'd be in trench because you can't motivate the shit to Seji like that girl did."

Joshua glares at his best friend, "Why is this falling on me? Neither I'm playing with you, nor I'm the ex boyfriend. So keep me out of it. If Y/N impresses you that much why don't you ask her for motivation directly."

Mingyu smirks, "Oh Y/N it is. Joshua Hong why do I get this feeling that you're not on good terms with her? I mean your tone says that."

Damn Kim Mingyu for knowing his best friend so well.

Joshua scoffs, "I think you have better things to worry about.", he gets up, "If you loose today, I won't allow you crash at my place for a month."

Mingyu dramatically gasps, "Are you in your right mind? You're scaring me Josh, please don't do this."

"So win this match.", Joshua smirks, 'Think this as your motivation to win."

Mingyu and Seji loose the match.

While you are celebrating with your Hyerin, Jeonghan and Hyejoo, Joshua is getting pestered by Mingyu.

"Are you serious right now?", Joshua asks in disbelief, "You just lost to them and know you want to know if Hyerin is single?"

Mingyu nods quietly liked a kicked puppy but he has no shame at all.

"Really?", Joshua asks again to confirm and when Mingyu doesn't respond he kicks his shin, "Fine. I'm going."

Joshua trudges through the crowd to find someone.

He finds you.

"Hey", he greets and you just nod at him.

"Uh can you help me with something?", he tries to sound as polite as possible, "I just wanted to know something."

"Go ahead."

Though he's cursing at Mingyu in his mind, nonetheless he asks, "You're good friends with Hyerin right?"

"Yeah we are best friends.", you say proudly looking at her as she holds the trophy and chats with Jeonghan.

"Is she single?"

The smile drops off your face and you throw a death glare at Joshua.

"Why do you wanna know that?"

Beads of sweat accumulates on his forehead as Joshua stumbles upon his words, "I-I, well-- It's..", and he finds this sudden urge within himself to explain it you before you misunderstand further, "Mingyu, my best friend, he wants to know about her."

"Didn't he just loose a match?", you ask him while your questioning gaze is fixated at Mingyu.

"Exactly! That's what I told him", he explains, "But he's like that only so if you could tell me.."

"She's single.", you respond to shut him up.

Joshua quietly cowers away.

"She's scary.", Mingyu laughs, "I thought she was going to bite off your head."

"Asshole.", Joshua quips, "She's single. Go shoot your shot."

Mingyu's eyes twinkles and skips away immediately.

Later, Mingyu manages to get Hyerin's number.

Mingyu and Hyerin are dating.

"Please Y/N", Hyerin literally corners you in your own bedroom, "It's just a double date--"

Your face contorts in distaste, "And with whom? Joshua Hong. No. Never. We both can't tolerate each other."

"Oh come on darling", Hyerin tries to persuade you, "I have talked to him, he seems good. Plus I've heard he was the star player of his previous school's basketball team. A heartthrob, you can say."

"He's good to you, because you're his best friend's girlfriend.", then you declare, "Otherwise he's an asshole."

"He's cute.", Hyerin corrects you.

"You know Hyejoo has been crushing on Joshua for sometime right? Why don't you ask her?", you sort to your last resort.

"Please, I don't her around when I'm chilling or on dates.", Hyerin sighs, "You know she's hard to handle and we both get her but other people can be uncomfortable sometimes. Last time at practice she said something ridiculous to Jeonghan, ofcourse as a joke but it was really off.", she shudders at the memory, "Jeonghan's always laid back so he let it pass."

"Okay. But why do you need us? Go on dates alone, spend time with each other."

"Because I want you to know Gyu and Josh better and same for Gyu.", Hyerin says grabbing your hands and sighs when she sees confusion written over your face, "Look even though we have just started dating but I think I like him. So I want you to know my boyfriend and his friend, you know, so you it's fluid between the four of us."

You understand. You are happy that you're her confidant. Everything makes sense except Joshua.

But when Hyerin gives you those puppy eyes, who are you to deny her.

"Fine. I'll go with you."

Mingyu gapes at Joshua in disbelief.

"What?", Joshua almost mewls and chucks a pillow at Mingyu, "Stop staring okay?"

Mingyu sits up on the bed, "So you have been talking to someone you don't know and what if that person turns out a psychopath."

"She's not a psychopath, Gyu", Joshua is immediately retaliates.

"She?", Mingyu is amused, "What if it's a he and a 50 year old weirdo?"

That sends Joshua off. After some moment of contemplation he says, "Whatever. They don't even know me and it's fine we just share our minds with each other."

"Dude you always that I'm crazy but I think it's you. You're the crazy one.", Mingyu pouts and scoots over to where Joshua is seated, "So about the double date...."

"We're not having this conversation again.", Joshua retorts.

"Why?", Mingyu now lays on Joshua's lap and looks at him, "Y/N is such a cool person Joshy. You'd love it. She's definitely better than that person you're chatting coz we know her."

Joshua rolls his eyes and places a hand over Mingyu's mouth, "We don't get along at all so no."

Mingyu bits his hand lightly and Joshua flinches in pain.

"Do me this favour Joshy, please.", Mingyu pleads, "We'll have a lot a fun I promise."

"I'm seeing her everyday Gyu, courtesy detention class. I have no will to see her more."

Mingyu's phone dinges a notification and his eyes narrow into slits as he reads it and Joshua knows it's definitely not something beneficial for him because--

"Y/N agreed to it.", Mingyu announces almost shoving his phone to Joshua's face as the later read the text from Hyerin saying the same.

He slaps away his friends hand, "Still a no."

"I thought we are best friends.", Mingyu says sadly as he gets up and takes his bag, "But seems I was wrong. Anyways, I'll get going."

Joshua knows Mingyu is pulling the best friend card yet he let's himself indulge into it once more.

"Fine.", Joshua hollers, "If I don't have a great time, I'll really cut you off Kim Mingyu."

Mingyu grins from ear to ear.

"Y/N, we got a call from your school.", your mother says. You don't like where this conversation is going.

"They informed us about your detention.", your father adds, "Why didn't you tell us?" "It's just a detention dad which will be over by the end of this week.", you say taking a bite of your sandwich even though your appetite was gone. "Y/N", your mother places her hand on yours, "You need to be serious about your studies. Your grades gonna decide your university. Remember that you'll have to take over your father's Pharma company because it's for you. This is our legacy." You are tired of the same old conversation. "I don't want to", your voice cracks as tears prick at the corner of your eyes, "I want to study fashion technology. I want to be a designer!" "We already had this discussion Y/N.", your fathers alerts and you are getting off the chair. "Getting late.", you say slinging your bag over, "Bye." Your parents look at each other solemnly. You can't pinpoint which part of the day went fine for you till now. Because everything was going wrong. First the conversation with your parents during breakfast, second Hyerin informing you about not attending classes today at the last moment over a text, third being late in the class and hearing a earful from the teacher and lots more to account for. Now, as you got some free time before the detention class starts, you decide to sew the remaining series of sequences on the piece of cloth you are currently working on.

You are pulling the needle from the backside when it pricks your index finger.

You're immune to this, it doesn't even sting much but your eyes are teary and you curse out in mumbles.

The tears start to roll your cheeks, you sob silently hiding your face behind your palms.

"Why did you agree to this double dating thing?"

You could see Joshua towering over you but don't raise your hear.

"I could have managed Gyu but just because you agreed I couldn't do so.", Joshua says angrily, "You are so annoying you know--"

"I'm sorry", you stand up, raising your head and your gazes meet.

Joshua instantly freezes when he sees your bloodshot eyes and hears your body racking sobs.

"I know I'm annoying. I'm sorry.", you cry out, "I-I'll just do something."

"Y/N--"

"I'll cancel out on them last minute with some excuses. I promise.", you are wiping your never ending tears as you continue, "So that from next time if they propose something you can always shut them up by saying that I bailed out last time."

"Hey please stop crying.", Joshua gently holds your arms as he crouches to look at you eye to eye, "Please tell me what do I need to do so that you can calm down?"

You don't respond and Joshua renders in panic as he feels you shaking under his touch.

Before the gears in his head could start turning he pulls you into embrace.

And when you still don't stop crying he gently rocks you and hums a soothing melody. His one hand strokes your hair and the other firmly hold you to his chest.

Your cries reduce to sobs until it stops.

"It'll all work out.", he says still rocking you and your hands fist on his shirt at the back.

"But it never works out", you whisper meekly.

"It will. I promise.", his says softly and with so much sincerity that it makes you want to believe him.

You pull away and ask, "You think it will?"

Joshua smiles as he wipes your tears and cups your face. His response comes in form of a soft smile and a firm nod.

"Now sit right here", he backs you and sits you up on the chair, "I'll be back quickly. Don't leave!"

He runs off halfway and calls Hyerin to know what's your favourite food or drink or anything that you make your mood shift even a bit.

And around 20 minutes later he returns with a bag full of cheese puffs, strawberry juice cans and butterscotch flavoured ice creams.

He pants but is relieved to see that you are still there and most importantly not crying.

But your rummaging through your bag.

"What are you searching for?", Joshua asks and sits beside you.

"Band-Aid", you sigh in defeat, "Of course I don't have it today. What a shitty day to be alive."

"I have it, wait a minute.", he fishes out one strip and asks, "Did you get hurt?"

"I pricked my finger with the needle.", you say extending your hand and he looks at you in concern as he applies the ointment and then wraps the Band-Aid.

"Don't worry, I'm used to it.", you try to lessen his worry, "If you do sewing with hands, you're gonna get a lot of it."

Joshua's wide eyes meets your as he realises what you're saying is correct and you find him adorable.

"Here", he hands the bag, "I got these for you."

You tear the seal and a broad grin sets on your lips.

"How did you manage to get all these?"

"Called Hyerin and run to nearest convenience store."

Your heart swells a bit, "You really didn't have to but thanks. I really mean it."

"I hope this helps you get through the day.", Joshua says and takes the ice cream stick you're offering him.

"It definitely will.", you thank him again, "I'll repay you by cancelling the double date. I promise."

Suddenly the idea doesn't sit well with Joshua.

You rack your brain hard to come up with an excuse so that the double date gets cancelled.

Looking at the time, you're about to pull your hair in frustration when your phone rings.

Hyerin calling ...

Panic surges within you causing you miss her call. You immediately call her back.

"Hey love, meet you at the arcade. I'm loving this dynamic between you two.", her suggestive tone confuses you, "I wanna know what's going on between you and Josh. Start getting ready, Josh will pick you up at 7 sharp. Bye."

"Wait what?", you squeak out, "Hello?? Rin?? Hello??"

What does she mean by that, you thought.

It was already 6:30 PM and you don't even have Joshua's number.

"Let's get ready Y/N.", you say to yourself, "If Joshua comes then fine, if he doesn't come the possibility of which weighs more, still fine you get the wear the dress you have made."

Your mood instantly lifts and you search through your wardrobe for that one dress which you have been meaning to wear for a while now. You had completed stitching the dress last month. It turned out really pretty, more than you had expected.

You had cried tears of pride and finished two tubes a butterscotch flavoured ice creams that night.

When you spot it, you caress the dress with gentle hands before taking it out and laying it on the bed.

It's a simple wrap dress, except for, you have recreated the whole dress using some torn out velvety clothings from your mother's old garments. You favourite part is that tie around which you reconstructed from a bodice and put the sequencing overall.

Green always looks good on. You're confident this one also would.

Putting on the dress, twirling around in pure joy and after being done with the makeup and pairing it with your favourite shoes you waited for Joshua.

Sharp at 7, your doorbell rings and you sprint down the stairs grabbing your sling bag to open the door.

"Wow", Joshua blurts out, eyes wide and mouth agape.

He's enchanted.

Your soft giggles breaks his reverie and he curses himself for being so obvious.

"You clean up nice too.", you actually word out the complement because Joshua is really damn good looking.

With his hair brushed back, you can see his exposed forehead and fine lined brows. The blue polo shirt that has been half tucked under the white chino pant is definitely enhancing him.

He's glowing under the strip light and you're sure he'd glow even more under the moonlight.

"Thanks", Joshua breathes out.

"Don't you have something to tell me?", your lips curl up as you say stepping out and close the door, "I was surprised when Rin--"

Joshua doesn't step back.

So when you turn you're words stuck in your throat as you almost bump into him.

But you don't bump into him. Rather there's hardly an inch of gap between you both as you stare at each other wordless.

You think he has kissable lips.

Joshua thinks you have beautiful pair of eyes.

You think his cologne smells nice.

He thinks no one ever did justice to any shades of green as much as you.

You think he has beautiful pair of eyes.

He thinks you have kissable lips.

So he leans down slowly and you don't back off. His breathes fan over your face and your hands find his.

He entwines his fingers through yours and you close your eyes.

He dips down further and is within the cusp of having luxury to put your lips together when the shrill ringtone cuts the atmosphere.

You open your eyes wide and Joshua yanks his hands backing off. You are frozen in place for a few seconds until Joshua's call of your name shakes you up.

He clears his throat and scratches his nape when you look at him.

"Gyu called.", he looks at everything and anywhere except your eyes, "They have reached and waiting for us. Let's go."

You grimace at the sudden change in atmosphere.

It's awkward and suffocating.

You both don't talk to each the whole time Joshua drives you to the arcade.

"Hey love, hey Josh", Hyerin greets as soon as you enter followed by Joshua.

You clinge to your best friend's arm and wave at Mingyu. He waves back with a huge grin.

"Guys", Mingyu calls out, "I checked the bowling ally and booked us the next slot. Let's go."

You have to unwillingly let go her arm when Mingyu extends his for her to hold.

But just before she goes, she whispers in your ear, "Did something happen between you two?"

Your eyes go wide for a moment but before she could catch up to it, you deny it. Her gaze lingers on your face trying to find any inconsistency but thankfully Mingyu ushers her away.

You and Joshua are left behind.

Joshua isn't looking at you at all and you ponder over the fact if you're going to have a good time it has to be with Joshua and this dynamic between you two has to change immediately.

"Do you want to go there?"

Joshua perks up and follows your gaze to the bowling alley where both of your best friends were having fun.

"Well.... actually no. Don't wanna interrupt them", he says, "I want to try basketball though."

"That's my favourite!", you are grabbing him by his hand, "It's that way."

Joshua smiles and he thinks that he could get used to your presence.

"You try first.", you say as you buy the tickets.

"Fine. Next round's on me.", he say taking his position infront of the machine.

You take your camcorder out and just out hold the device when Joshua scowls, "It's illegal to shoot without permission."

You realise that he's right and you mutter a quick sorry before switching off the device and shoving it into your bag.

When you look up again, Joshua is rolling of the sleeves of his shirt and while doing it he's looking damn hot  for some reason.

You gulp nervously and look away.

When you're courageous enough to back at him, he's brushing his hair with his hand.

Again, for some reasons he's looking damn hot.

You think you'd combust if you stay there another moment so you say, "I'll be waiting there", and fleet away.

No matter how much you try, your straying eyes lands on him and you get a whiplash from his chiseled jaw. He must have had his side profile sculptured.

You wonder if Joshua had been always this easy on eyes or it's your hormones talking all of a sudden.

Trying a way out of distraction you decide to text Anonymous.

But before you could apprehend your fingers type away a text that makes you groan upon reading it.

You:

[8:07 PM] How do you know if you like someone?

The lack of response comes from the other side makes you ponder if you had asked an invasive question.

Did you come out too cringey, you sigh in defeat and rest your phone on the table.

"Y/N!", you hear Joshua yell, "You gotta come here."

You would have waved him off if not he had that cute little pout set across his lips.

"Don't tell me you're not able to cross level 2", you laugh straight at his face.

"As if you're the highest scorer.", He retorts.

"So naive", you tsk taking your position in front of the machine.

Joshua goes to recharge the card and returns quickly to tap it on the scanner.

You swiftly pull him beside you and he looks at you startled.

You think he's startled because he's clueless.

He is startled because of the proximity between you both.

"W-What are you doing?"

"Obviously, we're both gonna play.", you say casually, "Otherwise there's no way to crack this unless you climb on this keep on keep ducking the ball in & out."

"Wait what?"

"Look as soon as the balls start rolling, keep on picking and throwing them up.", you set aside your sling bag and tie your hair up in a messy bun, " One thing try to aim when the basket slides to your side, I'll aim on mine otherwise other balls would collide with each other and fall off."

Joshua blinks.

You wait.

Joshua is still confused.

"Look, I have wanted to try this with someone for so long.", your pleading tone resonates with Joshua.

"You haven't tried it before?", he asks, "The way you gave the instructions I was pretty much sure you're a pro at it."

"I did try it with Hyerin.", you lament, "But given she's into sports, her arcade skills are zero."

Joshua snorts at this and gets ready to fulfill your wish.

"We're gonna beat this machine today.", he raises his fisted hand for a fistbump and you gladly reciprocate.

Your cheat key fails at Level 5 but you are happy.

Same for Joshua because he couldn't recollect when was the last time he had this much fun.

"Are you sure they don't get along?", Mingyu asks with a huge grin set on his lips.

"I don't know about Y/N but Joshua upped himself by delivering himself at her door today.", Hyerin smirks.

Mingyu rolls eyes, "Don't you think I didn't notice Y/N literally giving hearty eyes to Joshy."

Hyerin doesn't comment anymore, she just smiles.

That night after dropping you off at home, when he basks in the memories of the spent evening, Joshua realises he has got a text from Anonymous.

Anonymous:

[8:15 PM] How do you know if you like someone?

Joshua:

[10:45 PM] Sorry, had a busy day today.

Do you like someone?

Anonymous:

[10:47 PM] I'm not sure???

I think I like him, the same boy whom I used hate.

Joshua:

[10:48 PM] Should I be happy? What about me?

Kidding! Feelings works funny because I think I'm starting to like the girl I told you about before.

Anonymous:

[10:49 PM] Oh? Should I be happy?

We're really in same boat lol.

Hope we can sort it out.

Joshua:

[10:50 PM] Touché.

Detention classes are going to end today.

You should be feeling ecstatic but you have a glum aura around you as you splash the paint on the wall for one last time.

"You're amazing you know."

A small smile forms on your lips but Joshua doesn't need to see that.

"I just complimented you, are you seriously gonna ignore me?", Joshua bumps his shoulder to yours but you don't budge.

"You are gonna keep doing that?", Joshua let's out a sound of annoyance, "Fine, just remember I had no other choice."

Before you could ask or ignore, you are being turned around in a moment, in the next you are being dragged you have no idea where.

Mrs. Yoo smiles as she watches you both. She just wanted you both to stop hating on but what seemingly she's a getting a lot more than she bargained for.

Hyejoo glares at the two of you and though she isn't sure if she's serious about her feelings for Joshua, a green monster of jealousy starts to invade her mind.

You are pulled inside an empty room which you never knew existed and now you're being cornered by the guy who's causing your hormones to react horrendously whenever around him.

"W-What are you doing?", you gulp nervously, looking everywhere but at him.

"Why are you ignoring me?", he says in a desperate tone and it makes you feel bad.

Because I get nervous around you, I think I like you.

You want to say it all loud and get everything off your chest but you don't.

"I-I'm just being moody", you lie partially, "I have gotten my periods."

Joshua looks relieved, "So you're not particularly being hostile towards me? Oh that's fine. I get it."

You sigh in relief.

Then, his worrying gaze is scrutinizing your face, "Are you in pain? I shouldn't have dragged you here, really sorry. Do you need me to buy to anything? Do you want to eat ice creams--"

You hush him by putting your finger on his lips, though you wish if you could put your lips on his instead.

"I'm fine Josh.", you tell him, "Since today detention classes are ending do you wanna go somewhere with me afterwards?"

Joshua agrees in a beat.

Mrs. Yoon has a teasing grin across her lips when you both stand side by side waiting for her to give you the slips which marks the end of detention.

"I'm impressed how you both went from almost plotting murder to gardening together real quick.", she says with an underlying tone, "Oh, painting too. You've learned to breathe in each other presence, that's what I wanted. You're free to go."

You both quickly mutter a thanks to her and head towards the exit.

You wait for Joshua as he goes to where his bike is parked.

And he groans when he see Hyejoo waiting for him there.

"What do you want?", he asked bluntly, as he pulls his bike and wears the helmet.

"I want to sit on that bike of yours.", she says coyly, "Can I?"

"No.", Joshua says as he prepares to flee, "As I have told you before I have no interest in you. Please stop seeking attention from me all the time."

Her gazes turns shearer as she asks, "So who do you have interest in? Y/N?"

Joshua stiffens for a moment before deciding to ignore her wholly and riding away.

"He didn't even deny it, wow", she scoffs, "Fine, let's see how this goes."

"Such a beautiful place exists and I didn't even know about it?", Joshua laments, "How did you find this place?"

You smile looking ahead, sound of the waves calming you in an ineffable way.

"Accidentally.", you say after sometime, "But this is where you'll find me if ever you couldn't get in touch with me."

Joshua's heart tightens within his chest as he asks, "Why are you showing your safe place to me? Who else knows about this place?"

You don't respond right away and Joshua waits patiently.

"Hyerin, Hyejoo and someone I used to know, knows about this place.", you look at him with warmth in your eyes, "Now you know it too."

Joshua had never imagined that a person who got his coffee spilled, became his detention partner would also be the one who would cry in front of him because of having bad day to be cheatmates at an arcade game.

Joshua never got the slightest intuition that the person whom he hated the most would also become the person he'd be liking the most.

"I want to become a fashion designer. But my parents want me to manage our family business of pharmaceuticals.", your words, tone, aura, everything is emitting sadness, "I have tried to convince them since the day I found out about my passion but they won't let me. The discussion goes nowhere."

Joshua listen, not entirely but somewhat relating to the situation.

"Tell me about you, Josh."

Joshua finds you staring at back him.

He thinks for a while, trying to put together the words for you to make sense and then speaks, "My dad was a lawyer. And I respected him a lot, so I think because of that I found law intriguing.", he pauses and heaves a sigh, "After his death, I promised mom that I keep his profession alive through me. It was an impromptu decision I had made. I was barely 12 years old then."

You listen and empathize with him. You could take a guess where this is going and if not entirely, you can also somewhat relate to him.

"As I grew up, the realisation gnawed at me. I didn't find law intriguing anymore, I don't wanna be a lawyer anymore."

Joshua sounds so dejected that you wanna put his head on your shoulders and wrap your arms around him in an embrace.

But you only caress his back.

"I have tried to tell mom about it but I didn't yet have the courage to actually tell her yet because she's still so immersed in dad and the memories he left. She doesn't even change the old television we have which barely works coz it was one of dad's favourite possession."

He suddenly blinks almost comically, bambi eyes getting rounder and lips parted in awe.

"You're really cool you know!", he emphasises on the adjective for you to get the sincerity of it, "You already have a passion and you know what you want to do. Unlike me."

"You realize it's never too early or too late to find one's passion. We are too young for figuring out our entire life. There's time. There always a right time.", you too emphasize, "Maybe you don't know today but maybe you'll know it tomorrow or someday."

Joshua finds your words oddly comforting and true.

"You can try to make your mom understand little by little. Like how about convincing her to replacing the television or anything else that could be replaced. When and if she agrees find the right time to bring in the topic and get it to her slowly. She'll understand, after all she's your mother."

What you just say, tastes bitter in your mother maybe because you wished for your parents to understand you as well.

Joshua must be knowing how to read minds, because he says, "I would like you to use your advice to yours as well. Show your parents what you wanna do and why you wanna do it. Show them your dedication."

"I'll try.", you smile at him.

"I'll try as well." he echoes you.

When he left home today, he had a mission on his mind that was to get your number.

Because when he asked Mingyu for the same, he quoted something along the lines,

"You need to get it yourself. How long until you don't suck at getting numbers?"

Infuriating, cocky of a best friend Joshua has.

When he drops you at your doorstep, Joshua had those words on the tip of his tongue until you pull of his helmet and kiss his cheek.

Joshua.exe has stopped working.

It's too late when Joshua comes back to this realm because he hears a door slam and you're have successfully sprinted into your house.

Next time definitely, he promises to himself.

You:

[6:30 PM] shared a playlist

Anonymous:

[6:35 PM] I just went through the songs list and I must say you're a music nerd fr.

You:

[6:37 PM] That I am. This playlist represents me so I just gave you a glimpse of what I am.

Anonymous:

[6:39 PM] FYI your playlist has many of my favourite songs as well. We're so similar.

"Are you texting that random stranger again?", Hyerin grimaces as she situates herself between your legs, trying to take a peek at your phone.

When you ignore her she asks again, "What's going on between you and Joshua?"

"Nothing.", you answer simply, knowing Hyerin won't buy a penny of it.

You shift so that Hyerin falls flat on the bed and you lay beside her.

"Rin, even though I have been talking this guy--"

"Don't have no idea whether you're talking to a guy or a girl or a bot or whoever!", Hyerin huffs, "Look I know you like talking to them, share interests and all but can you seriously think about Joshua. You like him, don't you?"

You sigh in defeat, nothing goes past your best friend, "I do like him, Rin."

"I freaking knew it! You both are so obvious!", Hyerin laughs, "And cute."

"I'm going to tell him someday maybe.", you say, "Even if he rejects me, I can console myself saying atleast I tried."

"Before you do that, why don't you meet this Anonymous.", Hyerin suggests, "I mean look, I know you have crated an attachment towards them. So meet them in person, get to know each more and do tell them that you like Joshua."

You blink at her owlishly.

"What I mean is, sort things out. First go meet Anonymous so you know they're not some weirdo and if they're not great you got another friend. Then confess to Josh about your feelings.", Hyerin expectant gaze falls on you hoping you got what she's trying to say.

"Okay!", you say and she can almost see that see a lightbulb going off in your head, "I'll meet anonymous first, then... then we'll see."

"Then you'll confess to Josh, if he doesn't do it first.", Hyerin scoffs, "Please we know the amount of time you're both spending."

"What about Hyejoo?", you ponder, "Doesn't she also like Josh?"

"Look, I'm very much surprised Joshua made it past a week okay? But I really want her to see Jisung's the one for her. That poor boy, I don't know how many heartbreak he suffers everytime my sister chooses a new crush, chooses someone who's not him."

"And tell her to spend a day without Jisung, she'll go berserk.", you continue to add points, "I wonder how long until she realises it's been him all this time."

"I know right, she's so goddamn stubborn.", Hyerin laments, "Hope she doesn't pull something stupid to get to Joshua because he doesn't even have an ounce of interest towards her."

"Good for me I guess?", you shrug and get an 'aww' on return.

You immediately pull up your phone and send a text.

You:

[7:25 PM] I was wondering if we could meet up?

Anonymous:

[7:30 PM] What about your rule of not knowing each other personally ?

You:

[7:31 PM] The one who made the rule is trying to break it, so .....

Anonymous:

[7:32 PM] Ok cool, let's meet.

You:

[7:33 PM]

Okay day after tomorrow, 5 in evening at Crimson Café. Sounds good?

Anonymous:

[7:33 PM] Fine by me.

How are we going to recognise each other lol?

You:

[7:34 PM]

I'll be wearing a purple beret hat with a bear logo on it.

Anonymous:

[7:35 PM]

I'll be wearing a green sweatshirt with Los Angeles written on it.

You:

[7:36 PM] Noted. See you on Thursday!

Next day when you cross the threshold of your school canteen, it's not Hyerin who gets hijacked by Jeonghan.

He hijacks you.

"What does the school heartthrob want from me?", you quip nonchalantly, "And you have a treat pending so...."

Jeonghan rolled eyes, "Oh my god, fine. After classes end, let's go to that bakery shop nearby. I heard they sell the best black currant cakes."

"Deal!", you bump his shoulder, "I'll be waiting by the exit. Will drop a text."

Jeonghan gives a nod, pats your head and part ways to attend the class.

Joshua has been occupying mostly of mind nowadays and you wonder if he was just a mere crush anymore. You also realise that you could have texted him asking if he's attending school today or not but you don't have his number.

You ask him for it next time, you take a mental note.

As promised, Jeonghan takes you to the bakery and after placing your orders Jeonghan finally ask a favour from you.

"It's the final project and I have no clue how to design the cover.", he tells you, "So could you please help me with it?"

Jeonghan knows you would definitely help him.

"Han, look to be honest, I have a lot of assignments and project to deal with", you explain, "So there's a limit on my end to provide you support. It shouldn't be taking long, we need to decide specific days and anyhow get it done by that."

Jeonghan sighs in relief, "Y/N you could have literally said no but you're an angel.", he grabs your hands and expresses his gratitude, "I'll mail you all the details and you have a look. Then we can decide on the rest."

"Sounds like a plan and you know I'd never not help you if I could.", you assert, "You are a good friend."

Jeonghan would never admit but his heart swells with emotions. For him too, you have been a good friend. Not always in touch maybe, but the one he can confide to anytime.

You let out a yelp when your pulled against his chest, as Jeonghan gives you a side hug.

"Dude what's gotten into you?", you scrunch your nose looking at him with pointed eyes.

"Well definitely not someone who goes by Joshua Hong.", he teases.

You gasp, almost scurrying away from him.

"Hyerin that little snitch!", you gruff in disbelief and Jeonghan laughs.

Joshua doesn't see you in school. He searches but you're neither in the canteen, nor with Hyerin or any of the classes he thought you'd be.

"Looking for Y/N?"

He hears a familiar voice and doesn't like it at all.

Hyejoo stands in front of him, her lips curled up in a smirk, arms crossed over her chest.

"If you know then tell me or mind your own business.", he deadpans.

Hyejoo definitely knows where and with whom you are because she had overhead you two while passing by and the absolute joy she got because that would definitely be a fuel to fire.

Joshua decides to walk off but what he hears next cause him to halt.

"Be careful Josh. Y/N maybe not be all what she seems to be.", Hyejoo says.

She continues on realising she has successfully garnered his attention, "I'm only saying because I care for you."

"What are you trying to imply here?", Joshua asks.

She chuckles, a mocking tone cutting through which Joshua fails to notice, "Did she ever breakdown in front of you?"

Joshua stills. A moment later he nods.

"You'll often have to handle that, not a big deal", her lips curl down as if in worry, "But as days goes she'll be blaming every irrelevant things on you. You won't be able to tell her that things are not working out for her because she's not trying."

Joshua is rooted to ground, he only listens.

"I assume you already know about her safe place."

Joshua feels like someone had poured a bucket of ice water on him.

"Your face says you know it.", Hyejoo taunts, "It's always like this. She's difficult to handle."

"What do you mean by always?"

"It was same with Junsik, her ex.", she utters hurriedly.

Joshua doesn't know what he's gonna do with all these information he just acquired.

"Let me take you where she is now."

That's how Joshua finds himself standing outside the bakery. Through one of window walls he sees you laughing at something Jeonghan was saying.

His hands balled into fists as he watches Jeonghan pulling you into his embrace.

You look so happy that Joshua's mind lingers back to the memories shared between you two and he doubts if you were ever this happy when you were with him.

When he sees Jeonghan feeding you, his heart constricts too tightly in his chest.

He realises that he doesn't like the intimacy between you and Jeonghan.

He realises he wants to swap places with Jeonghan, that he should be the one who gets to hug, to feed you or hold your hands.

He realises that he likes you.

He likes you a lot.

"You like her, it's so obvious", Hyejoo says impassively, "But does she like you back?"

Joshua has his minded clouded with all sorts of nonsense Hyejoo fed him with that anger seeps through his veins and clutters in his heart as pain.

He blames himself for believing that you would have some sort of liking towards him and he is indignant because you acted as if you would reciprocate his feelings.

Joshua leaves with a heavy heart and he might not have noticed the tears that were pooling his eyes.

Your eyes stray in anticipation everytime you sense someone passing by your table.

You wait for Anonymous as decided at the Crimson café with lot of expectations and only one hope for the person to be not any weirdo.

You:

[7:10 PM] I'm already in here.

Took the table nearest to the counter, the view looks good from here :)

You quickly send the text and rest the phone on the table as you take out your sketch book and start doodling.

Joshua is still heartbroken for which he really looks forward to meet Anonymous.

Today, he just wants to forget everything and have a good time.

To get you off his mind, to push back the career choices, he only wants that.

He heaves a deep breathe standing outside the café and his lips curl up as he reads the text he just received notifying that the one he's going to meet has already arrived.

Joshua pushes the door, walking in.

All hope dissipates instantly when he sees you, wearing a purple beret hat with a bear logo, sitting at one of the two tables nearest to the counter, other one being empty.

Joshua doesn't think anymore, he just sprints out of the café.

You sigh bored, finally getting your head out of your sketchbook and check the time.

You:

[7:24 PM] You didn't forget about meeting me today right??

Are you stuck somewhere?

It's 8 now, neither do you get a response of your texts, nor does Anonymous shows up.

You:

[8:03 PM] Are you still coming?

Did something happen? Are you okay?

Please just drop a text whenever you get this, I'm worried...

The clock strikes 9 and you're dragging your body out of the café.

You are worried. You are exhausted.

Not trying to read much into it, you coax yourself into believing that there must be a valid reason for Anonymous to take a raincheck on you. That you'll get a response and may be an apology later.

Next day when you wake up, the first thing you do is check your phone.

No messages.

You huff in annoyance but don't let it ruin your mood because today you have a mission.

To get Joshua's number.

Not a big deal, you could have easily gotten it from Hyerin but you believe it's best to be a little brave and get it from the person himself.

Generally, you have often bumped into him for the past few day but today, somehow it's hard to find him. You even doubt if he's attending school today.

But that doubt dissolves when you see him in the canteen, snacking on a snicker bar and scrolling through his phone with a bored expression.

A grin sets on lips as you walk up to him and occupy the seat across him.

He lifts his gaze from his phone and his heart drops when he sees you.

"Hey", you say, "I have been searching for you."

Suddenly, there's a screech and Joshua is dragging out his chair as he stands up.

Your curious eyes try to meet his but he doesn't look at you.

"Josh--"

"I have a class now.", he says and leaves.

You are confused and you are worried.

If he's having a bad day you want to help him, as he had done for you.

If he's bothered by something, you want him to eat up your ears by ranting it all out.

If he's tired, you want to put his head on your shoulder.

"I'll let him have his space for today.", you mumble in distaste, "But I miss him. I'm so miserable."

Next day you bump into him in the hallway.

"Hey Josh", you greet, smiling wide.

Joshua is stoic and you notice it.

"I have some work at library.", he says and just as he was about to take a turn you grab his wrist.

"Did something happen?", you ask with uncertainty, anxiety creeping in you slowly.

"Can you unhand me?", Joshua quips sharply, "If you haven't noticed it, I'm feeling uncomfortable."

You immediately release his hand and take a step back "I-I'm sorry --"

"Save it.", he says, "What do you want anyway?"

Your mind runs thousand miles on the memory lane to come up with anything you could have done to upset Joshua.

But nothing comes up. Absolutely nothing.

"I just want to get your number."

There you just had to say it when Joshua is vexed at you.

A scoff leaves his lips and he glares at you, "What are you playing at? Don't you already have my number. Stop messing with me."

You think you're hearing everything wrong. You look at him as if he has grown another head and a pair of lips which are uttering absolute nonsense.

"How could you do this to me?", he asks, his gaze peering into your soul and wrenching at your gut, "I feel like you're always breathing into in my neck. And it's suffocating."

"What did I do, please tell me." , you plead in helplessness, eyes glistening with unshed tears and you all get in return is a condescending look.

"Stop pretending, oh my god", Joshua whispers in a threatening tone, "I don't want to see to you anymore.", with that he leaves.

You suck in a sharp breathe and close your eyes letting those tears fall. A sob throbs out of you and you are unbothered with the looks you're getting from those passing by.

Your mind only reels the words Joshua had spat out, the bitterness and hatred from them getting to you.

Joshua is the only good thing that has happened to you in a long time so you refuse let him go just like that.

Whatever it is, you're going to fix it.

"Mrs. Hong?"

"Y/N?"

You chest tingles in mirth as you ask, "How have you been?"

"Been good dear.", she answers in her calm voice, "What about you?"

"Okayish, I'd say.", your voice wavers, "Just stressed with finals and career choices."

"You should do whatever you feel like doing.", she advices, patting your head.

"My parents want me to handle the family business which I don't want.", you ramble, knowing that ranting about it to everyone won't change anything.

"Then fight for it", Mrs. Hong says, "Go to hell and back, take all of it. It's always better to try than to have regrets for life."

You nod, somewhat finding new confidence to have the conversation with your parents again.

"Your son must be lucky to have you as a parent, Mrs. Hong.", you comment with sincerity, "You know there's one thing I have always wanted. For my parents to ask me what do I want."

You place all your items on the checkout counter and solemnly tell her, "Mrs. Hong, you should also ask your son what he wants. You know as we grow up, we discover new interests, our choices change. You're a sensible parent so I want you to be the cool mom and support his descisions, whatever it maybe be."

Mrs. Hong stiffens for a moment. Her mind reels back to a lot of things and she has been complacent with Joshua on this matter.

"Mrs. Hong?", your concerned voice reaches her, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."

You are suddenly pulled into her embrace and she thanks you.

"You might have unknowingly done me a huge favour.", she whispers on the top of your head.

"He has been cranky lately", Mingyu hums as he recollects, "Mostly cooped up in his room, doesn't even open up to me."

You and Hyerin grimace at his words.

"Did he shout at you?", you ask in hopes that it's only you but it's just a phase and Joshua is mad at every one.

Mingyu pouts because he knows the answer he's gonna give you is nowhere going to make you feel better.

"No, actually we went to arcade yesterday. He blew off his steam at that poor basketball machine but we're good. Like normal, just he's a bit more serious nowadays."

You slouch down and Hyerin glares at her boyfriend.

"It's okay, love. I think you should confront him asap.", Hyerin wraps her arm around your shoulder as she throws pointed eyes at her boyfriend.

Mingyu seems to take the hint and says, "I'm there to help you, just tell me what I need to do."

"For the starters, give me his number.", you insist, almost on verge pleading, "If I can't get through him, then help me to meet him alone."

"Okay ma'am!", Mingyu immediately takes his phone and sends you Joshua's contact.

"Thanks Gyu", you say and getting up sweep a glance at the couple, "Gotta go, I need to help Han to design the cover."

"Keep us posted Y/N."

You nod in acknowledgement at Mingyu's words.

Walking down the alley, you contemplate a lot of things, life is tough, yours is toughest.

Nothing seems to work out for you.

You want a career, your parents don't resonate with you.

You like a guy, he suddenly starts to hate your entire existence.

Taking out your phone you open Mingyu's chat to save Joshua's contact.

Just as you proceed to add it to a pops up appears.

Do you want replace the contact name from Anonymous to Joshua?

Your eyes go round like saucers as you re read the sentence again and again.

You trace back and confirm that it's actually Anonymous.

Joshua Hong is actually Anonymous!

"What are you playing at? Don't you already have my number. Stop messing with me."

Joshua's words ring in your mind and everything made sense to you now. That also meant he had come to the café and left without meeting you, misunderstanding the whole situation.

You immediately call Jeonghan only to cancel on him.

Next, you're calling Mingyu and as soon as he picks up you say, "Gyu, please anyhow bring Joshua to that old park, I need to talk to him, it's urgent."

Joshua is startled when Mingyu suddenly barges into his room and starts tugging on his sleeves.

"I need a help from you Josh", he says and Joshua could sense the urgency in his voice, "We have to be somewhere."

As an unsuspecting and good friend he was, he immediately agreed on it.

Suddenly he is dropped off outside the park with Mingyu saying, "Go inside and you'll know it", before riding away in his bike.

Joshua stands there for a moment, utterly confused but anyways walks into the park.

You wait for him, biting off almost all of your nails.

You figure out his silhouette approaching and you could also see his face morphing from confusion to distaste on seeing you.

"Is this some kind of prank?", Joshua yells out, "Very irritating."

You are prepared to hear all the harsh words and off word gazes you're gonna get.

You are also adament to dissolve the misunderstandings and confess your feelings for him today.

"I think there's a misunderstanding, you need to listen to me.", you speak stepping ahead.

Joshua doesn't respond and you take it as your cue to continue.

"I asked Mingyu for your number today.", you continue carefully, "That's when I came to know you are Anonymous."

Joshua scoffs, "You really think I'm gonna buy it? What do you take me for Y/N?"

"I'm not lying --"

"Oh so you're telling you bumping into me right after I texted you that night is pure coincidence? Pairing up for detention classes was also a mere coincidence? Don't you know it's quite weird, how I got to see you each and everywhere, often, more and more just after I hit you up with those texts.", Joshua's gaze is enough to cower you down, his words just added to his condescendness towards you.

"What are you getting at?", you ask bracing yourself for another set of insults you knew that are going to come your way.

"You clearly knew that it was me the whole time.", he spats out, "You just wanted some attention because of the petty princess you are. Oh did I mention attention seeker too?"

"You're not in your right mind Joshua.", you warn him, "Don't say anything you're going to regret later."

"I'm not gonna regret anything. The only thing I regret is meeting you. Do you always do this?", he asks rather accuses you and you shot him a look.

"Do what?"

"Make guys believe that you like them and them tangle them into a trash relationship?", he chuckles bitterly, "I almost believed that you like me until I saw you with Jeonghan. Are you gonna take him to your safe place too? Were you gonna treat us the same as you treated Junsik?"

You freeze on hearing that name.

"How do you know about Junsik?", your eyes sting and voice falters, "What do you know about him?"

"Does it matter now?", he disregards you totally, "You are really sick for playing me like that because I really liked you..."

You perk up at his words, the pain in your heart never subduing but tearing it into infinite pieces.

"But fortunately, it isn't too late.", his words are venomous, more than he could realise, "I want to see you ever again. So do me a favour and never show your face again."

Your sobs doesn't stop until you're biting your tongue to the point where the metallic taste fills your mouth.

You lift your gaze to look at him past your wet lashes, "I also liked you Joshua, like a lot. Gosh I might be in lov-", you fist your hands focusing on them to not break down, "But your wish is granted."

You only say that much before walking past him.

The door to your heart, through which Joshua was making his way is cemented now.

"He said what?", Hyerin is raging and you are the one actually keeping her in check instead of getting comforted.

"Kim Mingyu what kind of bastard your best friend is?", she yells at her boyfriend, "Why are you even friends with him?"

"I still can't believe Joshua could say all this.", Mingyu mumbles, "I was quite sure that he liked you back and he obviously liked talking to Anonymous which turns out to be you."

"Leave it guys", you speak meekly through your sore throat, "It's all over--"

"It's not over, how dare he bring up Junsik?", Hyerin is sure she's going to commit manslaughter today, "What does he know about him?"

"I wonder", you sigh and lean against her shoulder.

"And he thinks, you were gonna double time him and Han?", she throws Joshua another punch at the gut in her head, "Who does he think he is? That bastard I'm-- I'm gonna ugh!"

Mingyu breaks into cold sweat on looking at his girlfriend, grimaces on watching you and fumes in anger when thinks about Joshua.

"Something must have happened, he ain't always like this.", Mingyu comments and is met by a death glare from Hyerin but he continues, "We need get it out of him."

"Whatever guys", you climb on your bed, laying down, "If you want me as your friend then never bring up Joshua ever again. I'm being serious right now.", you pull over the comforter and point your index towards the door, "Thanks for coming but now you both please get out."

Once the door slams shut, all the tears you've been holding stream down as you indulge in self dejection and that broken heart of yours bleeds in scarlet red. A colour so beautiful yet vicious.

A colour that Joshua gave you so brutally.

Joshua Hong was cruel to you and you pledge you're not going to give him the luxury to hurt you again, you're going to be unbothered, apathetic and indifferent to him.

Joshua Hong is a just stranger to you now.

Joshua doesn't immediately leave from the park. He takes a seat on one of the rusty swing and cools down. And while doing so his mind lingers back on the recent episode he had with you.

Joshua is generally a calm guy, a bit cranky but mostly calm. So when his own voice echoes in his mind saying those words to you, he topples with guilt.

He knows he went overboard and he was the actual sick one for bringing up your ex into the conversation.

But words once said cannot be taken back.

Letting the emotions get consume you is never a wise choice and Joshua made that mistake today.

His heart constricts when he remembers your tear stained cheeks, hurt eyes and maimed demeanor.

"I also liked you Joshua, like a lot. Gosh I might be in lov-"

He laughs. He is humored at how sincere you sounded when you were lying.

A Jack of Fools.

You are watching an interesting movie on your phone when someone taps you on your shoulder.

You crane your neck to see Jeonghan, seriousness ghosted over his face.

"What happened?"

He heaves a sigh and takes the sit across you.

"Before you start", you say getting up, "Let me bring something to eat."

Joshua enters the canteen and is displeased to see it extremely crowded. He searches and gladly he finds an unoccupied seat which he quickly takes.

On sweeping his gaze he finds Jeonghan occupying the table in front to his so he seats with his back faced to the later.

That's when he sees you passing by and hears a screech of chair. You place the food tray on the table as you take the seat opposite to Jeonghan's, and behind you is where Joshua is seated.

You don't notice Joshua.

"Spill.", you say, passing him a plate.

Jeonghan relents. He stays quiet for a moment before he's speaking, "It's about Seji."

You nod and wait for him to continue.

"We've been talking again.", he says and he wants to say a lot more but he cuts it down to, "My feelings are resurfacing."

"Your feelings for her were never gone.", you shrug poking the food on your plate you continue, "Look I don't get what the concept of being on & off is, so either you both get back or cut each other off. Otherwise I'm sorry but this looks very toxic to me."

"You're always so brutally honest", Jeonghan mops, "and have a clear conscience that's why I always confide in you."

"Oh, it's nice to hear that, someone just called me liar, sick and all sorts of synonyms it could go for.", You say meekly.

Joshua who has been eavesdropping, in his defence he had no choice as they sat behind him, it was all audible.

Jeonghan gasps in disbelief, "Who do I need to chain on? Tell me."

You give him a knowing smile and Jeonghan understands.

"Joshua berated you?", he ask gently, "I thought you were going to confess your feelings to him?"

Joshua freezes.

Then he hears a sob.

"Please, please don't cry. I don't know what happened but he doesn't deserve your tears.", Jeonghan rushes over to you as he hands you his handkerchief, "Gosh, I can't believe someone could hurt you so much. Promise I won't ever bring him up again, stop crying please."

You shake your head, wiping your tears, "I-I liked him a lot Han. And he said I was gonna double time with you and him."

Joshua hisses, he's ashamed.

Jeonghan sees red when he hears this, "He said what? No, I need to find him and beat the shit out of him. What a jerk, good riddance Y/N. Curse him all out now."

"Please Han", you tug on his sleeves, "He doesn't deserve any of this attention. I don't even want to hear his name anymore."

Jeonghan seethes but he decides to let it go for now. He would definitely deal with Joshua later.

"How about I take you that bakery? We can have everything you want!", he tries to cheer you up.

But you shake your head in protest, "You already bribed me so much for a mere cover design Han. I shouldn't rob you anymore."

Jeonghan rolls eyes, "Please it's not a mere cover, it requires so much effort and even though you're crammed with your tasks, you decided help me diligently."

"Fine.", you say, "You better sort things out with Seji and I'll text you when I work over on what discussed on before."

Joshua is this close to turn around, the apologies being on the tip of his tongue.

But you are leaving and Jeonghan follows you not before throwing a glare at the back of the person about whom you both just had a conversation.

Jeonghan knew about Joshua sitting exactly behind you this whole time.

"Hey mom", Joshua greets as he sits on the tool, "You wanted to discuss something?"

Mrs. Hong is standing by the kitchen counter, your words have been ringing in her head since that day and she wants her only son to know that he doesn't need to feel burdened if at all he has been feeling so.

"I want to ask something and I'm expecting an honest answer from you."

Joshua straightens in his seat as his attentive eyes fixates on his mother.

"What do you want to do Shua?", she elaborates when she see creases on his forehead out of confusion, "As in your choice for a career?"

Joshua's eyes goes round, as this was totally unexpected to him, something he had been meaning to bring this topic but never had the courage.

It suddenly felt like a blessing as he collects his thoughts and frames the sentence in his mind before speaking out.

"Mom, I don't want to be a lawyer.", he says and waits for his mother's reaction.

Mrs. Hong falters a bit but she quickly regains her composure.

Joshua notices, it's natural and expected, so he continues, "I don't know what I want to do but it's definitely not law mom. Just for clinging onto it because it was dad's profession, I don't wanna regret it later, have depression and blame everyone for it."

Mrs. Hong walks over to her son and pulls him into her embrace, "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I wanted to mom but I didn't have the courage to break your heart, knowing how much you treasure everything related to dad.", he whispers, voice wavering, "But won't dad be happier if I follow my passion and live in content?"

"Yes, he'd be so happy. I'm sorry for being so ignorant", Mrs. Hong sobs, "I should have been more attentive. You're allowed to do whatever you want Shua."

Joshua smiles in relief, a big weight being lifted off his chest.

"Thanks mom.", he say sincerely, "Thanks a lot."

"We both should be thanking that girl.", Mrs. Hong laughs, wiping her years and also patting her son's back.

"Who?", Joshua quips up.

"Oh you wouldn't know her." she says, "She made me realise that parents often take matters related to their children for granted and for providing them expect something in return."

"Please thank her on my behalf.", Joshua requests.

Next day, Joshua reaches the classroom as soon as he could because it's the only class he shares with you.

He just wants to see you.

You enter the class minutes after he does. Joshua's gaze is on you, you are aware but your gazes never meet, not when you walk past him and sit in the back.

In today's class, you are gonna get to know the project topics and will be assigned partners for completing the same.

Joshua hopes he get paired with you.

You pray to get assigned with anyone but Joshua.

"You can choose your partners.", the teacher announces, "In groups of two."

You groan, definitely luck not your side because you knew no one except one and the one you knew you'd never pair up with him.

Joshua is sure that universe is giving him a chance and with his new found confidence, he walks upto the walks to your desk.

When you see Joshua walking your way, you think he's gonna pass by but instead he halts infront of you.

You are going to be unbothered, apathetic and indifferent to him.

"Hi Y/N..", he says with hesitancy.

You don't even spare him a glance.

Even though he's sweating and up on his toes, he asks, "Will you be my partner for this project?"

"No.", you say resting your face on the palms of your hands, still not looking at him, "Thanks for asking though."

"I'm sorry Y/N.", he just wants you to look at him atleast but you don't make any effort to do so, "I went overboard that day. Said many things I shouldn't have. I just--"

"You have said all the things you wanted to say because you wanted to hurt me.", you crane your neck to lips curl up in a mocking smile, "You don't have to apologise to look good to yourself specially when you don't mean it. Don't be a hypocrite and let's pretend to not know each other from now on."

You are standing up, grabbing your notebook as you continue, "Since you don't want to see my face, don't talk to me."

Joshua's words are coming to bit him back as pure venom.

You take out your phone, "Look here, I'm doing this infront of you so that you can get assured."

Joshua's curious gaze falls on the screen and his heart drops when he gets your intention.

"See I'm blocking your number.", you press on the block button and your thumb hovers over the delete button, "And now I'll delete your contact. Rest assured, you won't be bothered by me."

Joshua stays rooted to the ground until the teacher calls his name.

Fortunately, you don't get paired with Joshua.

"I don't want to see his face, let alone talk to him", Hyerin barks, literally barks, "You're calling in for your best friend's murder, I'm warning you."

Mingyu agrees that he's hypothetically plotting a murder by letting his girlfriend meet his best friend.

"Babe, when I said we need to get the root of this, we are gonna do so.", Mingyu warns Hyerin, "Now, when Joshua walks in through the door, I'll talk to him. You only speak when needed."

Hyerin huffs, "Lucky that I love you."

Mingyu grins and pecks her lips.

The door creaks open and Hyerin scoffs, "Here comes the idiot."

Joshua doesn't have a good feeling, specially seeing Hyerin who's constantly glaring at him and he thinks that's enough to drill holes into his skull.

"Hi guys", he tries to initiate a conversation, "Why did you wanna meet?"

"First, what you did Y/N was very lowly", Mingyu says, "I'm very disappointed in you."

Joshua sits quietly, hanging his head low.

"What do you know about Junsik?", Hyerin interrogates, "How do you know him?"

Joshua fiddles with his fingers and sits wordless.

"We're not here to look at your face, you better open that stupid mouth of yours like you had done that day.", Hyerin barks again, her patience wearing thin.

"Hyejoo told me about him.", Joshua says and looks up at her.

Hyerin stiffens, all the words she was about to gurgle gets stuck in her throat.

Joshua finds an opportunity and he relays everything that happened to the couple.

"You should have asked me about Jeonghan atleast.", Mingyi sighs, "And how could you bring up Junsik when you don't even know a thing about him?"

"Junsik was Y/N's first, well only boyfriend till now", Hyerin reveals, "who had dumped her over a text because he fell in love with a new chick in the school he just got transferred to. He just threw away a relationship of two years just like that."

"She has been aloof since then. Always reluctant to make friends, didn't show interest in other guys", she looks dead in his eyes, "Until you came along. But it's her bad luck, you also turned out to be a douche. And she was so excited to meet Anonymous until you intently stood her stood. I hope karma to be an actual bitch to you."

Joshua feels like he has been pushed into the trench, like what he deserves.

Hyerin feels humiliated because she had never thought that her sister could be so much of a menace.

She gets up and Mingyu looks at her alarmingly.

Placing her hand on his hand in assurance she tells, "Hyejoo needs to be taught a lesson so I need to go. I'll drop by Y/N's to apologize to her."

"Babe, don't blame yourself okay?", he says affectionately as he wraps his arms around her waist, "It's not your fault. Just go & handle the things your way."

She turns to look at Joshua, "I wonder how long you have known Hyejoo to believe all the shit she uttered that day."

The door slams and Joshua breathes out.

"I like her a lot, Gyu.", Joshua says in distress and Mingyu scoffs.

"Who, Hyejoo?", he counters, "Because that's the only plausible option I can think of."

"Right, I deserve to be mocked.", he admits, "You're so dumb Joshua Hong."

"Stop being miserable than you already are and if you are ready serious about Y/N, then make it up to her and confess your feelings.", Mingyu suddenly grins as he says, "I hope you get rejected five times before she accepts you."

Joshua could only grimace at his words. You couldn't pinpoint since when it started but you have been receiving some items with a cute note everyday. First time it was a mini bouquet that was kept in your locker with the note saying-

Like a bouquet tied with twine, I can be yours if you will be mine.

From, Your Anonymous

You didn't read much into, thinking someone must have mixed up the locker numbers. Next day, you found a miniature panda with another note saying- In a room full of basic brown bears, you are my panda.

From, Your Anonymous This time the gears in your brain turn harder when you reread the note. A lightbulb goes off and you find the literal meaning of the words at the end.

Your Anonymous means Your Anonymous in literals who is none other then Joshua Hong. That note and the teddy goes straight into the trash can. Third day, you find a strawberry juice can and a note which makes you snort.

You're the grenadine in my tequila sunrise. Without you, I'm just this strawberry juice.

From, Your Anonymous. "Now he's playing on my weakness.", you mumble eyeing the can, not having the heart to chuck it into the trash can.

Joshua watches as your stand there in dilemma with a grin set on his lips. The strawberry juice can ultimately doesn't show up in the trash can.

One day, you are climbing up the stairs reading an article on your phone when you bump into someone.

Very surprising, you find Joshua in front of you.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?", he asks and you dismiss him immediately turning to go on a seperate way when he says, "It's urgent, please."

You tail behind him as he leads to you a random empty class. You lean against the wall, Joshua stands at a distance.

"Tomorrow is my mom's birthday and I bought her a dress.", he starts explaining, "I accidentally tore a button...."

Silence fills in the air and Joshua watches you intently for any reaction. He watches your eyes go wide in absolute disbelief and next you're hitting him on his arm,   "Such an idiot", another hit, "Where's the dress? We need to fix it soon." Joshua is overjoyed but he doesn't show. "It's at home.", Joshua says, "Do you want me to bring it to school?" You roll eyes, "Have you thrown the remaining 1% of your brain in gutter?" Joshua nods, resembling a kicked puppy. An adorable kicked puppy. Your heart twists abnormally in your chest, no he's not the guy you like anymore, get a grip on yourself, he can be all cute but it doesn't effect you anymore-- "Y/N?" "Yes?" "So..."

"Oh yeah-- I don't have classes anymore so if it's okay with you then we can go now.", you offer curtly, "Since her birthday is tomorrow, we don't have time." You awkwardly stand in the middle of the hall as Joshua goes somewhere seeking for his mother. You hear their voices, not able to make anything coherent out of it as the padding sound of footsteps against the floor increases. Joshua walks in followed by his mother so when you see her you almost shriek in shock, "Mrs. Hong?" "Y/N?", Mrs. Hong, pushes her sone aside and runs to hug you, "Oh my, what a pleasant surprise!" Joshua stands as confused as ever as he watches you both gush about each other. "Shua", his mother calls, "I was talking about her, she's you were seeking for. Thank her yourself." Joshua feels all the air leaving his lungs at once. It's you, again. The same girl who he had trash talked straight on her face. The same girl who is present in his house just to help him. The same girl who he likes loves. He leads you to his room and the entire time you could sense the sudden shift in his aura. Crossing threshold of his room, hits you with a surge of Joshua. You look around, watching a large poster of LeBron James pasted on the wall adjacent to his bed. A huge stack of books about economics pilled up on his study table and a neatly made bed. "Here", Joshua lays the dress on the bed and hand you detached button, "How long will it take?" You deadpan, "Hardly 5 minutes." His face falls like tons of brick and it's so obvious that you had to stiffle a laugh. The dress is beautiful, you think but it's plain, too plain for your eyes and your hands itch but you should have no business with dress apart from stitching that button back. Joshua notices and he knows what's going on inside that mind of your. He trusts you, he wants you stay longer so he plays it down, "Don't you think the dress is simple. I bought it because that colour is beautiful and rare." You perk up at his words and Joshua swears he could melt into puddle if he'd stare at your doe eyes one more second. "I could stitch a flower towards the left flange of the dress.", you ponder over and ask, "What's her favourite flower?" "Daisies", he answers. "Oh that will be comparatively easy", you clasp your hands in excitement, "A simple satin stitch would do." Joshua looks at you with all the attentiveness in the world. His heart swells and he realises that it's been long he has stopped crushing over you. His heart yearns for you and maybe that's the reason he was hurt and raged seeing Jeonghan with you. He admits to loving you, he hopes that you'd give him another chance just to show that how much you mean to him. "Give me the dress", you are already searching designs on your phone, "It will take around 4-5 hours. Come and get it by 9." "Can I be with you?", he asks and you shot him a look. "What are you gonna do, except for bothering me?", you quip back, "Don't you hate me?" "I lov-- I won't bother you promise. Just let me be with you." His underlying tone resonates in your ears and heart does flips when you look him in the eyes. Brimming with emotions (read: love) "I don't have any other choice, do I?"

"Can you stop staring at me?", you finally blurt out, "Also, if you could not breathe on my neck!" Joshua doesn't bother listening to you, he's just having the time of his life watching you closely, basking in your presence. You are almost done with stitching the embroidery and Joshua yet again raises his hand to your mouth urging you to eat the pastry, one of the enormous amount of items he bought for you, emphasizing it's his way of saying thanks. "I can eat it myself--" "But both of your hands are occupied." This reasoning would take you nowhere. He has been acting as a lovesick soul, touch starved body and happy fool around you. And it's certainly not helping your heart in keeping check. You have finally embroidered the daisies and it turned out prettier than you had expected. "You can work magic on fabrics you know.", Joshua sincerely complements you, "Thanks a lot Y/N." "No big deal.", you smile, "Mrs. Hong is an amazing woman, she deserves all the love." Joshua gleans but suddenly remembers the purpose of crashing in your place. "Hey, there's a basketball game at my previous school on this weekend and I'd be playing, would you like to come?", Joshua asks. You look at him with a scowl on his your face, "Why don't you ask your Hyejoo to come with you?" Joshua almost scurries but it will be a lost battle if backs down now. "Am I not being obvious?", Joshua asks all seriousness ghosting over him. "What?" "Am I not being obvious with my feelings?", Joshua asks again. "What are you insinuating?" "I want you, only you, and no one else to come to my match. You matter to me because..", he breathes in, breathes out, shuts his eyes, open them just to say-- "I love you, Y/N." He does it. Says the words he had been meaning to tell you, the words those set themselves on the tip of his tongue whenever he saw you. "Josh..." He smiles at the slip of his nickname from you and leans in to you. "I was so mad when I saw you with Jeonghan, because I was jealous.", he admits, "I wanted to be the one feeding you, wanted to be the one hugging, to be the only one to closely watch that beautiful smile of yours." You are rendered speechless. But Joshua has so much to say. "The outburst I had, it was only because I realised I have been in love with you and the possibility of you not reciprocating, was hurting." He rummages through his bag and you see him taking out a jersey. "You don't have to say anything now.", he smiles and pats your head, "Think through and", he hands you the jersey, "Let me know on the match day." You lay the jersey on your bed and see a 17 imprinted on white below the name Joshua. Joshua is by the door when he calls your name, "Whatever your decision is, I'll respect it.", and he's out of your room and house. You don't know much about basketball but you know when a player gives their jersey to someone prior to a match, what do they want and what can the indications be. You let out a scream and immediately fetch your phone to dial a number, "Hello, Rin...."

It's matchday. Joshua is nervous. Partially because of the game, partially because of you. When Seungcheol, a good friend and teammate of his from previous basketball school team had requested him to play one last game before they officially strike out his name from the team list, Joshua agreed instantly. A farewell game, he thought. The team does warm ups and stretches before the game starts. Joshua steals glances at the courtside every now and then but fails to find you. He's afraid that you won't come at all and his heart would shatter into millions. "Hey, looking there often won't make her magically appear.", Seungcheol knows and he teases, "I never thought our best shooting guard would be playing shooting hearts too." "Oh juicy juicy", Soonyoung, another teammate, who's also the centre of their team quips in when he overhears the two, "Joshua Hong is in love!!!", he shouts a little too loudly out of enthusiasm and now the whole team knows. The warm up is over and the game starts in twenty minutes.

Joshua checks his phone for one last time to see no notifications of your name and remembers you have his number blocked and contact deleted. Dejected, he switches off the device and deposits it to the collector, heading to change into his jersey. The game is already into the second quarter and Joshua's team is leading by only four points. Soonyoung slips causing his dribble to be cut and the opponent's point guard steals the ball and scores a two pointer. Soon the whistle blows and both the teams head to their respective locker rooms. As soon as Joshua enters the room, he's slammed against one of the locker by Seungcheol. He groans in pains at the sudden impact. "Listen dude, I get you're vagued but please don't let the team down. Coach is already contemplating on substituting you.", Seungcheol is frustrated, but he cares, "I want the best shooting guard within the entire school to score points. Stop being diverted and focus on the game." "Sorry", Joshua gruffs out, "I will--" "What the hell? Unhand him right now Mr.!" The whole locker room pivot their attention on the source of the voice. Joshua thinks he's hallucinating when he sees you standing in front of them, hands crossed over and brows cocked. Wearing his jersey and having his jersey number, 17 painted on your left cheek. Seungcheol looks at you, then he looks at Joshua to get the confirmation he needs. "It's her guys.", he announces with a huge grin as his hands free Joshua. Suddenly the locker room fills with  whistles, hoots and hollers. "Hi! Thanks for coming. I'm Soonyoung by the way.", a guy with questionably dyed hair greets you. "Hi, I'm Y/N...", you greet him back and gulp nervously when you realise all pair of eyes are on you. "We don't need to be here anymore it seems.", Mingyu tells Hyerin and the later nods, the two leaving to occupy their seats at the courtside. "Thanks in advance for saving the match.", Seungcheol comes to you and says, "And I'm Seungcheol, the captain." Then he looks at Joshua, "You have 10 minutes", and announces, "Clear out the room guys!" Everyone follows, all of them greeting you with huge grins making their way out. Now the two of you are left and the atmosphere turns heavy. You walk upto Joshua and grab his arms to shake him out of the trance. "Hi", you giggle. "You came...", Joshua whispers. You are about to say something but suddenly you feel yourself loose a footing as you are slammed against the locker, hands pinned over it. Joshua hovers over you, his body pressing yours and if you entire focus isn't on his lips, you could have heard both of your hearts beating rapidly. "Can't believe you agreed to be all mine, I don't deserve you ", he whispers leaning closer. "Just kiss me & seal the deal.", you bite your lips, gaze flicking to his eyes. "Gladly.", he smiles and closes the gap. Your lips are just touching when the whistle blows. You laugh, giving him a slight push, "Times up." Joshua tries to get back on you immediately but you manage to run out his grip and the room yelling, "Earn your kiss, babe!" And Joshua takes it personally. You never knew basketball matches could be this exciting and you regret not attending them previously. Oh the man, Joshua Hong is, your eyes are glued to him as he runs around the court with that sweat glistening glow on him. The game is now into it's last quarter and you squeal as Joshua scores a two pointer extending the lead. Everytime he scores, his teammates cheered looking at you and you're sure that the whole arena knows that Number 17 of home team is either trying to woo you or you both are already a thing. It's a few seconds until the game ends and opponents foul Joshua. All the players stand behind the three points line and the free line extension. You are brimming in anticipation as you see Joshua taking position at the base of the line. The home team needs their shooting guard to score the three points from the long shot. The long field goal which would seal the win. The referee blows the whistle, a cue for Joshua to shoot his shot.

Joshua takes a deep breathe, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. The arena is pin drop silent all eyes on the man on the line. You breathe hitches when Joshua raises his hands holding the ball and looks at you. "This one's for you!", he yells and releases the ball looking forward. You swear the time slows down as the ball revolves on the ring, you admit dramatically, before it falls into the basket. The arena blasts with cheers and Joshua is already hurled over on his teammates' shoulder as they hail his name. You see him. He sees you. Then you're running down the stairs and jumping over the partition to reach him. The team hollers when they see you in the court. Putting down Joshua, they push you to him, circling the two of you as they chant in delight, "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" You grin looking at him which turns into a gasp when he suddenly grabs your hips and lifts you up. "Am I worthy of getting a kiss now?", he asks, smiling cheekily. Your response comes in form of you dipping down and placing your lips on his. You feel him smile against your lips as they slot into each other perfectly and he holds you to him tighter. "Get a room!" You both hear a yell, knowing it came from Mingyu. You are the one who breaks the kiss but Joshua pecks you one more before putting you down. The teases never simmer down for the rest of the evening.

"Thanks for all backing me up the whole time I was talking to them, my parents even started looking for universities for fashion technology courses.", you sigh in content, resting your chin on your palm. "You did a lot more for me. Talking to my mom, making me signing up for the varsity training program and whatnot.", Joshua makes sure you know how grateful he'll always be. "Oh by the way I changed your contact back to Anonymous.", you inform him. "You can't do this your boyfriend!" Joshua props beside you, with pouty lips and doe eyes. "I can. I already did.", you deadpan. "Why should my contact be saved as Anonymous?", he tries to snatch your phone, "Change it to babe, love, sweetheart anything. "You glare at your dramatic boyfriend, "Because that's where it started. You are my Anonymous." Joshua grins, finding it somehow cute and romantic at stance. "Anonymously Mine.", you say. "Anonymously Yours", he echoes.

Do not copy, re-post, translate, or share any of my works on other platforms! All stories are copyrighted, joonsytip. ©️

#svt flick - fic #svt fanfic #svt au #svt x reader #svt x you #svt x y/n #joshua #joshua hong #joshua x reader #hong jisoo #joshua x y/n #joshua x you #joshua fluff #joshua angst #seventeen au #seventeen joshua #seventeen #seventeen x y/n #seventeen fic #seventeen masterlist #svt #Joshua x oc #seventeen jisoo #Joshua ff #joshua imagines #joshua scenarios #joshua oneshot #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen oneshot

[mikithelibrarian]

can i request an imagine with blackpink jisoo?

y/n (non idol) dated jisoo fo a while but broke up because of yg found out and made her. jisoo starts to regret so she found him to get back together

YG Knows Not - BLACKPINK Jisoo - GN! Reader

Slight Angst/Fluff

For this work, Rule #4 from the Requests Rules will apply, that being: If a request includes a pronoun usage specification, I’ll take it as a GN request

I´m sorry for taking so long to write! I'll really try to get the rest of the requests out as soon as I can!

Jisoo had no control of her life when she was dating you, but this time, the circumstances have changed.

Painful, unfair, frustrating… All for her group’s sake.

This was the only consolation Jisoo had whenever she looked at your contact and remember how happy she was with you, how you smiled at her each time you saw her or about the first time you said “I love you”

But she had lost it all, because it was for the best, or so she was told.

“An idol can´t date a regular worker”

“You’ll just drag them into a kind of attention no one but you would be able to stand”

“BLACKPINK is going to suffer if this ever comes out”

How could something that hurts deep in her heart be for the best?

At her sigh, the girls all looked at her. This was supposed to be a calm night after all the chaos of their comeback, but Jisoo, after a question coming from Lisa, ranted about you and then went to the living room and sat down, needing space.

The rest of BLACKPINK members didn’t have an idea that she was once in love, or that she was in a romantic relationship, but Jisoo was like that, she always hid her thoughts for herself.

“I’m sorry” Lisa from the dining table, where the rest of BLACKPINK was. “I didn’t know”

“It’s fine” Jisoo continued looking at your contact, how she wished she had the courage to press that green button on her screen and hear your voice.

“You know…” Roseanne thought her words well before continuing. “… We aren’t under a dating ban anymore, maybe you could try to be back together with…”

“(Y/N)” Jisoo completed the sentence, now looking at Roseanne. “And no, (Y/N)’s surely happier this way, without having to keep us in secret”

“How can you know?” Now it was Jennie’s turn to try and make Jisoo feel better. “If (Y/N) loved you as you loved them, maybe they feel the same way you do” Jisoo looked down at her phone, “Why don’t you give (Y/N) a call?”

“And what would I say?”

“It’s a difficult question, but I would start wih a ‘Hello’”

Jisoo smiled at Jennie’s comment. What damage could it do? She is already without you, it’s not as if she could lose you twice.

The girls looked shocked when they heard beeping sounds from Jisoo’s phone. Now? And on speaker?

“Hello” Jisoo said as soon as you picked up, while the girls went to the living room and sat on the couch wanting to show support to their oldest member.

“Jisoo?” When your voice echoed through Jisoo’s apartment, she bit her lip, it was like a dream come true for her, all over again.

“I am Jisoo” She answered in English, making you to giggle in response.

“I didn’t expect you to call me”

“Are you busy?

“No!” Your exclamation surprised the group. “I… I mean, yes I’m working on some boring stuff, but I can make time for you”

“So, I’m distracting you?”

“Of course not!” Jisoo was just teasing you by now, and her smirk proved it. “You know what? Forget it, I’m just happy you called me”

Jisoo smiled widely at your words and even blushed lightly at them, making Roseanne to put her hand on Lisa’s mouth as she was just about to aww. “So… are you free next weekend?”

“Next weekend?” She heard you moving some sheets around through the phone, and after some seconds of silence you answered. “Yes, I am”

“Would you like me to go to your home and see a movie?”

“Or… I could just take you to that restaurant with private rooms”

“I thought that was reserved for VIPs”

“I have so much to tell you” Jisoo’s mind was racing at this point, she wasn’t expecting this to happen, a date? After all this time? “So, next Saturday, at 6 PM?”

“Alright” Jisoo calmly said.

“Alright then, see you on Saturday”

“See you on Saturday”

As soon as the call ended, the girls squealed in excitement.

Jisoo had a date.

-

In fact, you did have a lot to tell her.

She couldn’t believe she was now in front of a CFO, the youngest there has ever been at your company at that. When she ended things with you, you were a normal worker, but now, you managed to climb up the ladder to get you to where you are. And she couldn’t get to see that.

You always talked about getting that promotion to an Accounting Director, seeing how hard you were working for it and getting to know all of your ideas to get the job. But because of YG, she couldn’t see you getting the job, she couldn’t celebrate with you, she couldn’t support you, and the fact that you were a BLINK all this time made her feel even worse.

You didn’t feel any remorse, not a single sign of any negative feelings towards her. In fact, you were very welcoming of her presence and her flirting attempts, as if nothing ever changed.

But the night had to come to an end, and it already did.

You were in the underground parking lot of Jisoo’s building. None of you actually wanting to end things here, like this, but you didn’t know what to say, so, you just let your heart do the talking.

“You know…” You looked at Jisoo, getting lost in her eyes as you spoke. “…I became the CFO, I fought for it, just because I didn’t want YG to address me as a common worker ever again… because that meant, that I couldn’t get to be with you” You looked back to the front, suddenly feeling so weak at her gaze. “But after I got the job, I realized that you were a worldwide celebrity, presenting yourself at the most prestigious fashion shows and music shows and starring in the best dramas the world has ever seen… And I couldn’t avoid thinking of myself as a common worker”

“I thought you were happier without me” You immediately looked at Jisoo, wanting to retort but she continued talking. “Forcing you to keep a secret, to hide us even from your friends and family and finally forcing you to distance yourself from me, all because my company ordered me to. We never had control of our relationship in the first place, but without me, you had control of your life, that was why, even after my dating ban ended, I never tried to reach you” She leaned closer to you and put a hand on your arm. “We had our reasons to keep us away from each other, but right now, is there something forcing us to do so?” When she looked at you avoiding her gaze, she smiled lightly, maybe it was in vain but, she wanted at least this one last chance. “No matter where I was or with who I was, I always thought that I wanted you there, supporting me”

You looked back at her, with stars in your eyes “Let’s try this again, us, I want to be with you again” She saw it again, that smile which captured her dreams night and night again.

This time…

“Then do so” You leaned closer as she closed her eyes and closed the distance, not before whispering. “As long as you love me like I love you”

…She was going to be the first one to say “I love you”

At the end, no words of advice would suffice, and no warnings shall remain, only the consequences of your actions will stay, of what you choose to define you and the path you are taking, of what you choose would make you happy. At the end, you know best.

#jisoo x reader #jisoo imagines #blackpink jisoo #jisoo fluff #jisoo angst #blackpink imagines #kpop imagines #kpop #kpop fluff #kpop fluff imagines #kpop angst #kpop angst imagines #gender neutral #gender neutral reader #gender neutral imagines #gender neutral fluff #gender neutral angst #blackpink #kim jisoo #jisoo

[onlyhuis]

cranberry concoctions

member | bartender!joshua x f!reader genre | smut, a little angst & a little fluff, 1920s prohibition au, speakeasy au word count | 4.6k synopsis | you came to the infamous diamond glass looking for a good cocktail. instead, you found love in a hot bartender who also makes the best cosmos you’ve ever had. warnings | reader has a vagina and breasts, alcohol consumption (drink responsibly kids), reader smokes cigarettes (only 2), big dick joshua, the sex is not historically accurate sorry, actually most of this isn't historically accurate oops, praise, some degredation, multiple orgasms, name calling/petnames (slut, whore, darling, sweetheart, baby, my lady), kinda size kink maybe (he has big hands i'm sorry i can't not mention it), creampie notes | lowercase intended. this is part of rose's sax, settlements, & speakeasies collab! masterlist will be linked here. this fic has taken so long but it's finally finished!! thank you all for your patience!!

you slip into one of the many empty seats at the bar, placing your beaded evening bag on the counter and pulling out a cigarette with a sigh.

“what can i get you, darling?”

you glance up to see a man in a crisp white button-down, casually swiping a rag along a glass mug.

“what kinda cocktails you got?” you reply, pushing the cigarette between your teeth.

“anything you can dream up, honey.”

you pause, taking the cigarette out of your mouth to think. “how about… cranberry juice, with vodka, and triple sec? and a little lime?”

he grins. “coming right up.”

he grabs bottles from the long shelves behind him, setting them back on the counter in front of you before pulling a cocktail glass from below the bar. 

you slip the cigarette back into your mouth, your eyes following his movements as you pull your lighter out of your bag. you flip the arm up and flick the wheel, creating a tall flame that ignites with a pop, and you bring it carefully up to the end of the stick.

he pushes his sleeves up, revealing a small tattoo of what looks like a diamond on the inside of his wrist. your gaze catches it for a moment before your eyes flick up to find his looking back at you. 

with his sleeves rolled up, you don’t miss the way his muscles bulge against the tight cotton of his dress shirt. he tosses the container effortlessly from one hand to the other. the tendons in his wrist flex as he flips the shaker back and forth, a gleam in his eye and a confident grin on his face as the bottle twirls between his fingers. you take a long drag and give him a smile.

“cool tricks you got there,” you say, sitting back in your seat.

“i spent a year abroad at school in london,” he beams, holding the mixer high in the air and tilting it slightly to let the pink liquid fall into your glass. “picked up a thing or two.”

he tops off the drink with a lime swirl, sliding it gently across the counter. you hold your cigarette between two fingers as you lift the glass to your lips, taking a small sip.

“mm,” you nod, smiling. “ ‘s good.”

the dark room is quiet save for the light chatter from other patrons and the sultry piano music coming from the opposite side of the room. it’s late in the evening—well, by now, more like morning—and the speakeasy is mostly empty. you’re the only one at the bar, and you’re also the only one here alone, noticing the few couples scattered around the room in booths, drinking and laughing together.

you sigh and take another drag off your cigarette.

“you waitin’ on someone, sweetheart?” the bartender asks with a sly smile, tossing the rag behind the bar. “boyfriend, perhaps? or a coworker? can get their drink ready for them, if you’d like.”

you scoff, resting your hand on the counter above an ashtray. “do you often get women comin’ in here by themselves, mister?” 

he leans back against the bar and crosses his arms, but the playful gleam in his eyes tells you he isn’t offended. “not as often as i get pretty ladies like yourself in here,” he flirts. “and the name’s joshua. joshua hong.”

you stick out your hand to shake his, telling him your name. “so, joshua, what do you do? other than serve fancy drinks to pretty ladies, of course,” you say, taking another sip of your cocktail. damn, that is good. your friend wasn’t lying when she said that the diamond glass had the best drinks around.

“nothin’ much,” he shrugs. “i like to sing, sometimes. but not anything special. just a hobby.” he hands you a napkin, to wipe up the drops of your drink that splashed out onto the counter when you bumped it. “what do you do when you’re not ordering fancy drinks from sexy gentlemen?”

“thanks,” you say, squinting at him as you take the napkin, the name of the speakeasy embossed on it in pretty gold lettering. “and who ever said you were a gentleman?”

he smiles. “let me take you out to dinner and i’ll show you.”

your eyes widen, though you try to hide your reaction. “is that so, mister joshua?”

“mhm. and you never answered the question.”

you huff and raise an eyebrow at him. “how ‘bout i tell you over dinner instead?”

you take another big sip of your drink and look down at your watch to check the time. “shit,” you curse under your breath.

you look up and meet joshua’s eyes, standing patiently behind the bar. “i’ve got work in the morning– er, in a coupl’a hours,” you offer in way of explanation. “gotta run.”

“i see,” he nods, his features falling into a faux-serious expression. “the mysterious work.”

“better hold me to that dinner if you wanna find out,” you reply with a laugh as you pull on your coat. 

he grins. “oh, i will, darling.”

you pull your bag off the counter and go to take out some bills, but a large hand falls on your wrist and you freeze.

“on the house,” he says with a grin, letting go of your hand and sliding your empty glass across the counter. “come find me if you ever want some company, and we can set up that dinner, hm?”

you nod at him, unable to hide the hint of a smile growing on your face. “i’ll do that.”

the next time you visit the diamond glass, the place is packed.

it’s earlier in the evening this time, so you aren’t too surprised, but you didn’t think there were this many people who’d break the law to come here in search of a little fun. but, then again, isn’t that why you’re here too? a little fun, a little drinking, and hopefully a little more flirting with joshua, if you can manage to find him again.

the bar’s crowded, and you can barely manage to find a place to slip in between all the occupied stools. you crane your neck to look around, searching to see who the bartender working tonight is. this time there’s not one but two men in stiff white uniforms, handing out bottles of beer and pouring wine for the patrons at the other end of the bar. you can’t see either of their faces, so you lean against the counter and pull out a cigarette while you wait.

you’re leaning down putting your lighter away when you hear a familiar voice call your name.

“didn’t think i’d see you back here so soon,” joshua says when you look up, meeting his eyes.

“came to collect on my free dinner, of course,” you reply with what you hope is a teasing smile.

he chuckles. “well, i hate to break your heart, darling, but i’m a little busy at the moment. how ‘bout i get you a drink instead?”

“fine by me.”

“same as before?” he asks, already reaching for a glass.

you pause to put your cigarette to your lips. “sure, why not. show me more of those gentleman bartender skills you like to show off.”

he starts pouring liquor into the shaker as he continues to talk. “i’m sure i’ve got other skills you’d like a lot better than my drink mixing, sweetheart. maybe i’ll show you after that dinner we keep talkin’ about.”

you suck in a sharp gasp of air, accidentally inhaling a mouthful of smoke and sending you into a coughing fit. you grab a napkin to cover your mouth with as you struggle to regain your composure, feeling your cheeks grow hotter by the second.

joshua just smiles, clearly amused by your reaction as he slides you your finished drink. “well, don’t lose your cool now, miss, i haven’t even done anything fancy yet. gotta give me a chance to wow you like a gentleman.”

you clear your throat, hoping your voice sounds at least a little levelheaded. “how very courteous of you, mister joshua. i–”

you’re definitely about to come up with the wittiest of comebacks, is what you tell yourself before you’re interrupted by a group of flapper girls, talking loudly as they walk up to the bar.

“and that’s when i told him, ‘if you don’t stop necking on with that sob sister from the newspaper’s, we’re through!’ he really thought i wouldn’t see through that baloney, screwing that reporter and then coming home to me as if he could have us both!”

the group bursts out laughing, and joshua looks over at them, then looks back at you. “mind if i go get these ladies seated, darling? then we can finish our conversation.”

you stutter out a “sure” and he gives you a wink as he walks away. even over the ruckus of the speakeasy, you can still hear him greet the girls, and it makes you irritated for reasons you can’t explain.

“well hi there, girls! how’s the partying goin’ for you all on this fine evening, and how can i make it better?”

the chorus of flirty, drawn out “hello”’s from the group makes your stomach churn, though you have no reason to care. it’s this man’s job to flirt with customers to make an extra buck and keep this joint running. to him, you’re probably just another broad with money to throw away on booze.

you turn around to see one of the drunker girls hanging on joshua’s arm, laughing at something he’s said like he’s the funniest man on the planet. the sight is enough to push you over the edge, and you down your drink in a huff, slipping a bill under the empty glass as you walk out of the speakeasy, pretending your feelings aren’t hurt.

you wake up the next morning feeling guilty about the night before. sure, you probably did overreact, but it had been a long day at work, getting badgered by your boss for no reason other than the fact that he didn’t like having women employees in his office.

and joshua seemed like a nice man, and even if he was just trying to earn some tips, at least he was friendly. 

so that night, you put on your finest dress and head back to the diamond glass, hoping for the chance to talk to him again.

but as you walk across the bar, you see that there’s only one bartender at the counter, and it’s not joshua. he looks vaguely familiar, so you figure he must’ve been the other bartender working with him the other night.

“hey,” you call out to him as you sit down, and he turns to face you, black hair falling into his eyes. 

“how can i help you, miss?”

“what’s your name?” you ask him straight away, and he furrows his brows.

“it’s vernon, miss, but i don’t see—”

“you work with a fella named joshua?”

vernon rests his hands on the counter, leaning towards you. “i do indeed, but he ain’t here right now. it’s his day off.”

you frown. well. that messes with your plans.

“you gotta pen?” you ask, grabbing a napkin from the stack.

he pulls a pen from his breast pocket and twists it open, handing it to you. you scribble something quickly on the napkin, then cap the pen and hand it back to him.

you fold up the napkin and give it to vernon. “when you see him again, can you give this to him for me? it’s real important, make sure he gets it.”

he looks confused, but he shoves the pen and napkin into his pocket. “i’ll make sure it does.”

you nod soberly and stand up from the stool.

“wait– d’you want anything to drink, miss?”

you shake your head, shouldering your purse. “no. that’s all i came for.”

and with that you walk back out the door, frustrated but at least a little more hopeful.

joshua, sorry for taking off last night. phone me and we can do that dinner if you’d still like. #: SE-0317

the wait for joshua’s phone call is unbearable, so instead of pacing by the telephone you try to busy yourself with something more productive: getting work done for your hard-boiled boss. 

but even the pressure of his deadlines is enough to take your mind off what you’ve done. in fact, you don’t even know for sure if he’s single. for all you know you could be trying to screw a married man (though you didn’t notice a ring on his finger, but who can ever know for sure these days?)

the worst part is, you don’t even know for sure if he’s going to phone you, or if he even got your message. vernon seemed like a trustworthy guy, but maybe he and his coworkers get people like this all the time. maybe they’re having to fight off hordes of drunk, horny women with a stick. you scoff, thinking back to the last time you were at the speakeasy. that was certainly the case the other night with the flappers.

in all honesty, joshua was probably just being friendly, trying to make a repeat customer out of you. which he was successful in, of course; he had you hook, line, and sinker, and you didn’t even care. of course his offer to wine and dine you wasn’t genuine: it was a line, one he’d probably used on dozens of people, and you had fallen for it.

you’re so far deep in your own thoughts, you almost miss the sound of the telephone ringing in the other room; until you realize there’s no one else that would be calling you at this hour in the evening.

in a panic you scramble out of your chair, sprinting to the kitchen to grab the call.

“hello?” you answer, a little breathless but still holding onto hope.

“hi, sweetheart. thought you weren’t gonna pick up.”

you breathe out a sigh of relief at the man on the other end. maybe he really was sincere about everything after all, though you still don’t truly believe it.

“are you finally gonna take me out like you keep saying, or are you just tryin’ to get me to buy more drinks?” you ask, hoping he doesn’t hear the shake of nerves in your voice.

“‘course i am, baby. i don’t just go around offering dinner to every woman i meet at work, y’know.”

your cheeks warm, and you hold the receiver closer to your ear with a smile. “flattery will get you nowhere, joshua hong, but i won’t deny it, i like to hear it.”

he laughs, and it’s a beautiful sound, one that you find yourself wishing you could hear in person.

“there’s a new restaurant on the main drag that i’ve heard’s real fancy,” he starts. “been meaning to try it, so i might as well take my pretty lady along with me, too, hm?”

you chuckle, leaning against the doorframe and twirling the phone cord between your fingers. "your pretty lady, huh?"

"wouldn't say it 'f it wasn't true. you've got me wrapped around your little finger, miss," he says, and you have to bite the back of your hand to stop yourself from letting out an embarrassing noise in response.

he clears his throat, interrupting the silence on the line. “anyway, if you'd like, the speakeasy’s closed tonight for the holiday… could bring you back behind the bar after our dinner, show you a thing or two. although i got plenty of other nice things i could show you besides the drinks.”

"sounds like you got a grand evenin' planned, joshua," you say finally, swallowing your excitement.

"only for you, doll," he says, and even over the shaky static of the call you can hear the grin in his voice. "can i pick you up at 6 o'clock? just had my car waxed too; only the best for my lady."

"six is nice," you reply, still smiling.

"i'll see you then, sweetheart," he says, and the line goes silent as he ends the call. 

exhaling a shaky breath, you put the receiver back on the hook and check the time on the clock across the room. better go fix your makeup before he gets here.

at 6 o'clock sharp joshua’s car rolls up in front of your apartment, freshly waxed and polished just like he'd said. 

the drive to the new restaurant isn't far, but it feels like it stretches on for hours as you and joshua talk about anything and everything.

as for dinner, it by far isn't the best meal you've ever had, but your date's company more than makes up for the mediocre food.

as promised, after the dinner joshua drives you over to the speakeasy, using his key to open the back entrance where customers aren't allowed and lets you inside. it's an odd feeling, being alone in the space that's normally bustling with activity.

you slide into a seat at the counter as joshua grins, walking to the opposite side to stand behind the bar.

"sorry, miss, we're closed today," he says with a playful grin. "you'll have to come back tomorrow."

you giggle, playing along. "oh, but please, sir, can't you spare just a little glass of wine for me?"

the restaurants aren't allowed to serve alcohol, but even without it you feel tipsy in joshua’s presence, high on the excitement of being with him with nobody else around.

he places his hands on the counter and leans forward, his gaze meeting yours. "hmm, i could… but i think i have something better i could give you instead."

"better than wine?" you ask, pretending to be shocked. although if you've been reading this right like you think you've been, you have a feeling you know what he might be offering.

"mhm," he says, and he lifts a finger to beckon you closer.

you grin and lean forward to meet him across the counter, his lips locking with yours, and the feeling is heavenly. almost instantly you feel his hands behind your head, pulling you closer as he deepens the kiss. you tell yourself to fight the urge to moan, but when his lips part just enough to let his tongue slide into your mouth, all your inhibitions go out the stained-glass speakeasy windows and you decide, screw it, whatever happens, happens; not when you're having the most fun you've had in a long time and not when his touch feels this good.

he breaks away for just a second and to your surprise, jumps onto the bar and slides across, and then his hands are back on your body and he's kissing you more fervently than before.

"say the word and i'll stop, sweetheart," he moans, he really moans, but the thought of stopping doesn't even cross your mind as you pull him closer and lift your leg to wrap it behind his thigh.

before you know it, your back is against the counter and joshua is hovering over you. his large hands gently knead your breasts over the fabric of your dress and his mouth is still tangled with yours as you begin to feel heat pooling in your stomach.

"god, you drive me crazy," he breathes when your hands find his body and start to slide lower. you look up at him, one hand hovering carefully over the uncomfortably large bulge in his pants.

"please, joshua?" you ask softly, squeezing lightly around him and drawing another whine out of his gorgeous lips.

the second you hear his throaty "yes", your fingers are scrambling to undo his belt buckle and shoving his slacks down to his knees. his fingers are equally rushed, sliding over your back and quickly undoing the buttons holding up the fabric that hides your beautiful skin from his sight.

your breath hitches as he carefully slips the dress off your shoulders, watching as his eyes wander over you. he meets your eyes, fingers toying with the hem of your panties, and you nod, giving him permission.

“you’re even prettier than i imagined,” he whispers. his hands trail down your chest, mapping out every inch of your naked body.

his words barely even register, because you’re too busy staring at his hard cock. you figured he would be beautiful, but nothing you could’ve dreamed up in your wildest dreams would have even come close to what’s in front of you now. 

you reach out and take his cock in your hand, holding him delicately and observing the way his eyes flutter shut. he lets out a soft sigh at your touch, and his hands settle at your waist for a moment before he reaches to grab your hand. 

it doesn’t escape you how tiny your hand looks in comparison to his; while your fingers could barely reach all the way around his cock, his hand easily covers the space. the sight is almost hypnotizing. you carefully let go, bringing your hand up to the counter to brace yourself.

he leans down to capture your lips in another kiss, and you moan as you feel the head of his cock begin to brush through your soaking folds. he breaks away, and you look up into his dark eyes, waiting.

“been stuck on you since the first time i saw you, sweetheart,” he groans, and you feel the heat in your core grow hotter at his admission, knowing he’s been wanting this just as much as you have.

he curses under his breath, and finally he starts to fill you up. the stretch is perfect as he rocks his hips slowly back and forth, pushing into you a little more with each movement. his brows knit together in concentration, and his lips firmly press into a thin line as his gaze zeroes in on your pussy.

you look down where he’s watching, and you also can’t help but fixate on the sight of his girthy cock inside you. he’s not even nearly halfway inside you yet, but the feeling is already making you dizzy with pleasure. seeing him stretching you open, you feel the knot in your stomach begin to tighten almost instantly.

with his sleeves rolled up, you can clearly see the definition in his muscles, flexing as his hands slide across your half-clothed figure. his thick fingers hook around the straps of your bra, tugging them further down your chest to expose your breasts. he pushes his thumb into your mouth, and immediately you begin to suck on it.

he laughs, pulling his thumb out of your mouth and smearing your own spit across your nipple. “such a whore. should’ve known you would like that, my pretty slut.”

you let out a moan at his words, unintentionally clenching around him as he continues to push into you. you feel his grip on your thighs tighten, enough that you know it’ll leave bruises.

your first orgasm hits you out of nowhere when joshua bottoms out in you. the feeling of his cock sitting snugly inside of you, filling you up to the brim and then some, is enough to send you over the edge without warning. joshua curses, your cunt squeezing around his cock as you ride through your high.

“fuck, just like that, baby,” he grunts through gritted teeth, his other hand snaking down to rub at your clit. “cum all over my cock like my good girl.”

when you recover enough to breathe again, you look up to find joshua staring down at you, eyes blown wide with lust. his fingers are still on your clit, your only source of stimulation since he had stopped moving his hips once he was fully inside you.

he meets your eyes and begins to drag his cock out of you, just barely pressing an inch or two into you with slow, meticulous thrusts.

he gradually begins to build up speed, his cock perfectly hitting every sensitive part inside of you until you can’t think straight. you let your eyes close, mouth falling open in pleasure at his pace.

“god, you look so pretty when you cum,” joshua growls, and it feels like you stop breathing altogether as another orgasm slams into you, his words drawing your high out of you like a command.

this time he doesn’t give you a moment to recover, instead pulling nearly all the way out before pushing into you with so much force, you can feel him moving you back and forth across the counter with each thrust, the smooth oak grain growing sticky with sweat with each sharp snap of his hips.

already sensitive from two powerful orgasms, you cry out his name, dragging your nails along his biceps placed on either side of your face as he holds onto the counter. his thrusts get rougher, plunging into you over and over again and already beginning to build you up for another.

“sh-shua, please,” you gasp, reaching out to grab onto his shoulders for support.

the drag of his cock against your walls feels heavenly, quickly sending you hurtling into yet another orgasm that has your legs trembling around his waist. the waves of pleasure seem almost never-ending as his hips jerk into you sporadically, until finally he throws his head back and buries himself as deep as he can go inside of you, his pelvis flush against your cunt. his cock pulses inside you as his orgasm hits, feeling each spurt of cum fill you up, a satisfying feeling like you can’t even fathom.

breathing hard, you manage to drag your eyes away from where the two of you connect to glance up at his face, and the sight is one you’ll never forget: his thick eyebrows knitted tightly together and his nose scrunched up, his beautiful lips parted in a breathy, high-pitched whine.

the bar is quiet, but your ears are ringing and your head is spinning from everything that just happened. joshua stands over you, his cock still nestled in you as he breathes in and out shallowly, trying to catch his breath. you stay still, too exhausted to move until you feel his cum start to drip down your leg and you force yourself to sit up.

but his arms wrap around you, holding you tightly and you stop. you feel so secure, so grounded, despite your shaky legs dangling off the edge of the counter.

he sighs and begins pressing kisses along your neck, though this time they’re softer and gentler, instead of frantic and heated.

he kisses you once more on the cheek, then walks around to the other side of the bar to grab a towel.

“sorry about the mess,” you say shyly, reaching down to pick up your dress off of one of the barstools it had landed on. 

he comes back around, towel in hand, and kisses you again. “don’t be,” he grins, and he squats down so that he’s eye-level with your cunt, his cum still leaking out of you. you resist the urge to snap your legs closed as he gently wipes the damp towel over your skin, a little embarrassed despite him being inside you no more than a couple of minutes ago.

once he’s satisfied he lifts you up off the counter, setting you gently on the floor and helping you into your dress before putting his own clothes back on.

you slide onto a stool, watching him fondly as he walks back around to the other side of the bar and picks up another towel to wipe off the counter with.

“so,” he says finally, rolling up his sleeves with a cocky smile that makes your stomach do backflips. “what can i make you, darling?”

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[hanggarae]

when you spoke to me..

doctor!joshua x f!reader 4.1k words, readers ex keeps texting her to take him back, fake dating au, honestly doesn’t focus much on joshua being a doctor other than at the beginning but he still is a rich doctor, fluff, angst, one sided love (?) (you’ll get it when u read it), part of waves will take us far away series !

why were hospital layouts so complicated sometimes? now you’re accidentally in the room of a really cute doctor embarrassing yourself while you fumble with your phone trying to find the correct room your friend was in.. but wait is he smiling at you?

“you what?” you screamed to your friend over the phone, “who the hell is stupid enough to go on a hike when they have a broken leg?”

“ankle. it’s a broken ankle. besides it all worked out in the end right? at least everything with cheol got cleared up” she giggled, and you sighed remembering the crush she’d developed on her doctor of all people.

“yeah yeah i guess, look you get some rest i’ll come visit you tomorrow with jeonghan. feel better alright!” you let out another deep sigh when your friend hung up. you loved her but she really did make some terrible decisions sometimes.

the bed sheets were warm beneath you, it’d started getting warmer as spring approached and you knew you were definitely grateful for it. the cold weather always made the skin on your hands rough.

the notification sound on your phone went off. confused you checked your phone again in case it was from your friend. you let out a groan when you read who the text was from. ‘i’m sorry i miss you’ read the text from your ex. you’d blocked him weeks ago but he kept finding ways to contact you through new or his friends’ accounts. annoyed, you put your phone on mute and put your head on your pillow ready to sleep.

balloons tied to your wrist and three gift bags resting on your forearms, you walked through the hospital halls keeping a lookout for any staff that could help you find where the room you were looking for was.

you didn't usually visit this hospital so you weren’t familiar with the setting. room 139. you just passed 122 so surely you can't be far, right? after walking for a few more minutes, you found room 139. something seemed off though.

you were sure jeonghan had told you that he was already here and after peeking your head in, you couldn’t catch sight of him. weird. maybe he just stepped out to grab something. oh well.

pushing the door open you could've cried at the sight in front of you. yeah you were right to be wary. instead of your friends you were met with an elderly man currently getting a cast on his arm.

“i am so so sorry” you said breathlessly as you tried to get out of the room. before you did, your eyes met with the second doctor in the room, was he.. laughing at you? ‘jerk’ you rolled your eyes before walking out of the room.

turning on your heel, you gave one last apology before trying to find the correct room. before you could make it far, you felt someone grab onto your arm to get your attention. ‘what the hell did he want?’

“can i help you?” you told him curtly.

“i can help you if you need actually. i’m guessing you’re here to visit someone and it wasn’t that man back there” he smiled at you. okay now you felt bad. he was just a cute doctor that wanted to help you out.

“oh.. thank you” you smiled at him, “uh this was the room that my friend has told me. i’m visiting her, she had a fractured ankle..”

“oh!” his eyes widened, “do you know who your friend’s doctor is? is it choi seungcheol?”

“oh that’s right!”

“yeah come with me i’ll take you to where it is. you were in the wrong ward”

you frowned. why would the hospital use the same numbering system for every ward? it’s so over complicated. whatever. at least you were getting there now. you continued to follow doctor.. well actually what was his name?

“excuse me doctor? what’s your name if you don’t mind me asking”

“hm? oh i’m doctor hong but you can call me joshua i don’t mind” he smiled again at you, and when you saw it you don’t know how you managed to dislike him at first when he had such a kind smile. “and what’s your name?”

“my name’s yn. sorry for making you go through all this trouble by the way, you must’ve been busy”

“oh no don’t worry about it, i wouldn’t have offered if i didn’t want to”

after about ten minutes of walking joshua showed you to where the room was, and you saw all of your friends. thanking joshua one more time you made your way in before waving back at him.

when visiting hours were done, you and jeonghan we’re making it out of the hospital together before you heard your phone vibrate a few times in your pocket.

you groaned at how it kept going, knowing it meant that it was your ex that found another way to contact you.

“you know, this should be considered borderline harassment at this point. he won’t leave you alone!” jeonghan sounded annoyed when you both confirmed it was your ex texting again, “he’s got no shame too, he’s the one who cheats and now he’s begging to have you back”

“i don’t even care anymore, i planned on getting a new phone and number soon anyway. so he can have fun texting the phone that nobody’s using” you sighed, exasperated at his efforts.

you’d told him weeks ago to stop contacting you, that no matter how much he did this wasn’t going to ‘win you back’. he was a terrible human being and you didn’t want anything to do with him.

“oh? yn?” you heard a familiar voice call out not too far from where you and jeonghan were.

turning to identify where the sound was coming from, you relaxed when you saw it was the doctor that helped you earlier.

“hi joshua, you getting off work now?” you waited for him to catch up to you.

“yeah. hey jeonghan” he waved to the man smiling deviously next to you, “uh yn do you have a ride home?”

“she doesn’t! i had to meet my parents for dinner right after so i couldn’t” before you could answer jeonghan was already doing it for you, faking a pout. “but hey, you could take yn home, couldn’t you shua?”

“if that’s okay with you yn i’d be happy to” joshua smiled at you again, that same too sweet smile.

“if it’s not any trouble to you” you told him sheepishly, “then i’d really appreciate it”

joshua’s car was nice, you could tell he took good care of it, making sure everything in the glove compartments were organised and that the seats were as clean as the carpets. you’d spent the time talking and getting to know each other. falling into conversation with joshua was too easy, almost as if you’d known each other for years. you’d learnt about how much of a kind person he was, but he never bragged about it, just about how incredibly grateful he was to be able to give to others. there was no way someone as nice as him really existed. and he looked that good too? oh it really wasn’t fair.

but you can really never have too much of a good thing because here came the 703rd call from your ex in the last few weeks. groaning you decline it but then came the bombardment of texts saying how he ‘loved you and didn’t mean it’.

“is that your boyfriend?” joshua asked, and if you weren’t so distracted with blocking the new number he was contacting you from, you would’ve caught the masked disappointment in his voice.

“thankfully no. but i don’t want to bother you with the whole story” you turned to look at him, but he was silently telling you to go on, like he doesn’t mind if you vented to him despite only knowing him a few hours. from what jeonghan had told you after being friends with joshua for a few months now, he was definitely a good listener. “he’s my ex. we’d broken up like a year ago or something but a few weeks ago he kept trying to reach out again out of nowhere. i’m guessing he realised that no girl wanted him so he thought i’d take him back”

“and what he’s just been bothering you for the last few weeks? have you tried telling the authorities?”

“i’ve thought about it but he’s harmless. i saw him at the store about a week ago and he didn’t even approach me. he’s all bark and no bite. i think if he sees i’m with someone else he’ll definitely back off” you sighed rubbing at your temples, you could feel yourself getting a headache already.

“are you? with someone else i mean?” he looked nervous. it was so cute.

“no, but why do you ask?” you asked him with a teasing lilt in your voice.

“well, my parents have been annoying me for weeks about finding a partner. so how about we just help each other out and pretend we’re going out with one another?”

it honestly was a good idea but you couldn’t help feel a little disappointed that it would just be fake dating. joshua was fun though so you’d push back your own brief hurt in favour of at least hanging out with him more often.

‘morning !! do u think u can meet me at this cafe at around 3 today ? need to ask u smth’ read the text that joshua had sent you today. it had been a few weeks since he drove you home and you’d both been texting back and forth getting to know each other more, and he mentioned that you both might have to meet soon last night. you texted him back, and agreed to meeting up. after getting ready, you left the apartment at around 2:30 to get to the cafe that joshua had told you about.

you texted joshua again to let him know you were outside and he told you that he was waiting at the table near the window on the left. when you stepped in you found him immediately. he was dressed casually, you’re guessing he didn’t have work today.

“hey, do you want me to grab you something to drink?” he smiled at you, helping you with your things.

you looked over the menu before he recommended something, promising you it would be good as he’d visited the cafe a lot. he went to place the order before joining you again at the table.

“did you have work off today?” you asked him.

“oh yeah, i don’t usually work fridays” he took a sip of his drink, “but anyway. the reason i asked you here was because i was wondering if you could come with me to some dinner my aunt’s hosting this weekend. her daughter graduated and my parents mentioned they wanted to meet you”

this weekend? that’s so sudden. i mean it’s not like you really had any plans anyway but it was still really sudden, “i’m free so i can go just.. well how formal is this dinner? like should i dress up or..” you trailed off, mentally trying to remember everything in your closet and if you had something fit for the occasion.

“it’s pretty formal i guess” he said sheepishly, rubbing the nape of his neck, “it’s at some fancy restaurant and i’m going wearing a suit. of course if you need me to i can definitely help you find a dress!”

“don’t worry about it” you laughed, pulling out your phone so you could find a picture. “i have a few formal ones but this is one i wore to my friend’s engagement party a couple months back, you think this’ll be alright?”

joshua looked at the picture, lips curving up into a smile before he met your gaze, “you look really pretty in that dress”

you flushed, taking a sip of your drink while thinking of a way to not let him get the upper hand, he can’t make you fall for him it wouldn’t be fair.

“thanks.. i just remembered! i have a high school reunion on the 30th. are you busy that day? i’m pretty sure it’s a friday”

you saw joshua frown thinking over it before opening what you’re guessing is his calendar app on his phone, “nope. i don’t have anything that day so i can go with you”

“great! my ex should be there too so after that he should stop bothering me too”

maybe it was all just in your head but you felt like you saw joshua tense a little at the mention of your ex, “has he texted you since?”

“i think he’s finally getting the hint. he doesn’t text as much anymore thankfully”

you were finishing up the last touches on your makeup when you heard someone ring your doorbell. you checked the camera to see it was joshua, a bouquet of flowers in his hands. you let him in, instantly taking note of his appearance.

you could hardly appreciate it from the cameras but in person you could see in detail how the suit he was wearing hugged his figure so well. the suit itself was black paired with a white button up and a purple tie.

“i remembered your dress was purple and thought i’d match the tie with it” joshua told you sheepishly when he saw how focused you were on it. “these are for you! i saw jeonghan today and asked him to make a bouquet for me”

you took the flowers, grinning at his thoughtfulness and thanking him, “is jeonghan still trying to win over your guys’ surgeon friend?”

joshua laughed at your comment, remembering how jeonghan had once called him at 3am to know what type of flowers his friend likes, “yeah he is. think she’ll say yes any day now”

you hummed, nodding. “how much time until we have to be there by the way?”

“about 45 minutes, it’ll only take us fifteen minutes to get there from here” he told you, checking his watch that you could just tell was expensive. you nodded again, telling him you’ll be right out after putting your dress on and grabbing a few things.

joshua waited on your couch for you to finish getting ready, scrolling through his phone to pass time. after a few minutes, he looked up when he heard you clear your throat nervously.

“you look amazing, yn. really, you do” and joshua wasn’t lying. he always thought you were pretty and right now was no different. but joshua bit back those thoughts though, admitting to himself would mean he’d also have to admit that he can’t ever have you. “so uh, you ready to go?” joshua winced at the lump in his throat and the way his voice cracked ever so slightly, and he was grateful for the fact that you were checking over the things in your purse one last time so you didn’t notice it.

you nodded and the both of you made your way to his car.

joshua was oddly quiet on the car ride, opting to just play music to fill the silence. when you arrived at the restaurant, joshua opened the door for you and helped you out. “the restaurant’s technically part of some five star hotel” he explained when you looked at it a little confused.

“ohh it looks really pretty” you smiled up at him while he held your hand leading you to the entrance.

joshua told the receptionist his name and she led you both over to where joshua and his family were waiting. when you actually saw them, the nerves finally hit you. what if you accidentally let slip that you and joshua weren’t really dating? what if you embarrass joshua?

joshua seemed to take notice of your nerves, squeezing your hand gently and whispering a “you’ll be fine, they’re going to love you”.

and it seems joshua was right. the night did go smoothly and you congratulated joshua’s cousin for her graduation. his family was kind, they didn’t once make you feel awkward or uncomfortable, instead complimenting you and making sure you didn’t feel left out.

by the time the dinner was over you were honestly sad that you’d have to leave his family, they were so fun you wanted to be with them more often. you left for a few minutes to go to the bathroom and when you came back you found joshua looking for you.

“joshua? what’s up?” taking note of how he looked a little annoyed and out of breath.

“yn i’m so sorry. my uncle just told me now that they’d booked rooms for all us to stay at the hotel tonight. if you feel uncomfortable with it i can just say you have a work thing tomorrow and we can’t stay” you really didn’t mind staying, but you were surprised and did feel guilty that they paid for you. he wasn’t saying it for your sake but you knew joshua secretly wanted to stay. his job makes it hard for him to see his family often so he’d appreciate this time with them. at the same time, you knew that staying would only make you more regretful of the fact that joshua didn’t feel the same about you.

“it’s fine, i don’t mind staying”

surprisingly enough, you’d managed to fall asleep pretty quick considering when you fell asleep joshua was still taking a shower.

when joshua got out he saw you on the bed and couldn’t help the soft smile breaking at his features. he saw your phone was still unlocked, a video still playing. ‘you must’ve fallen asleep watching it’.

he was about to turn it off before rolling his eyes at the texts from your ex again. he was about to block it for you until an idea crossed his mind. joshua fought mentally with himself as he debated whether or not he should go through with it. he sent a picture the two of you had taken together earlier to your ex, a ‘can u leave us alone ..?’ text attached to it while he silently prayed you wouldn’t think he was crossing any lines by doing so.

you met up with joshua a lot more after the dinner with his family. but the both of you getting closer was not doing anything to help your own feelings. joshua by no means felt the same about you. when you’d gotten to know joshua and the people close to him, you learnt that he was always the bold one when it came to people he liked. he’d always be the one to ask someone out, the one to go the extra mile for them. so the fact that he hadn’t done that for you, or even implied he wanted to, it wasn’t hard to assume that he just simply didn’t like you in that way. joshua wanted you as a friend and nothing more or less and you just had to live happily with that.

the reunion was soon. you’d texted joshua about it again, reminding him the address and time it was. you noticed your ex stopped texting you and part of you felt a little disappointed at it. you were grateful he finally took the hint but sad because what if this meant joshua wouldn’t have to keep up the act anymore? you were aware you probably seemed crazy and pathetic clinging onto a fake relationship that was only proposed for convenience, but that’s how you felt and you couldn’t help it and were too tired of it all to make an excuse.

dressed in a plain black tee paired with black slacks and a blazer, joshua picked you up for the reunion. as hard as you’d tried to make it seem like nothing was up, you knew joshua could tell. you silently hoped he would just assume it’s nerves because you still hadn’t thought of a way to tell him that you wanted to break off the agreement of fake dating.

why was this so complicated? it’s not like you two were actually dating so it’s not like it’s an actual breakup, but it still felt like you were losing something. what if joshua only talked to you so much was because he needed someone that was willing to pretend to be his girlfriend?

you shook the thoughts out of your head as you both pulled up to the place the reunion was being held. stepping out, you could already see some familiar faces, smiling and hugging them whenever they came to greet you.

the night went by with you catching up with old classmates, introducing them to joshua too. it was scary how well he was able to get along with people instantly. you were honestly surprised that your ex hadn’t bothered you all night, guess he saw joshua and backed off.

when you decided to leave the reunion, joshua suggested you both grab dinner somewhere. the food served at the reunion wasn’t the best so the both of you hadn’t eaten much all night. and that’s how the both of you ended up in the parking lot of some takeout place, laughing while you both told stories of your high schools together.

it was fun, and you hated the part of yourself that always made you overthink. ‘none of this is even real, joshua doesn’t care about you like that. so stop thinking this means the two of you are really dating’.

“yn, what’s wrong?” joshua sounded alarmed, and it was only then you took notice of the tears welling up in your eyes, rubbing aggressively at them immediately.

“think that the contacts are just irritating my eyes, don’t worry” you assured him but he still didn’t look satisfied with your answer.

“here let me help you-”

“it’s fine joshua” you sighed, “look about this whole pretending to be dating thing. i really can’t do it anymore. pretending to be in a relationship with you is killing me-”

“fine. i’m sorry if i did something to hurt you or make you uncomfortable. it was stupid of me to send that picture to your ex-”

“what picture?” you looked up at him confused, what the hell was he talking about?

“the one i sent to your ex and i told him that we were happy and to leave us alone..”

“is that why he stopped bothering me? oh well i didn’t know about that but thanks because it’s the only thing that managed to shut him up”

“wait what? so then what are you mad at me about?” he pouted.

you stayed silent. you knew exactly where this was headed and if it carried on you knew it’d lead to you spilling your guts to him, and you weren’t sure you could do that. because if you did you’d lose joshua forever.

“nothing, don’t worry about it” you mumbled, going back to swirling the plastic spoon around the ice cream in your cup.

“no no no” you heard joshua say, his fingers holding on to the underside of your jaw gently so that you turned your attention to him. “tell me, yn”

“i can’t” you whispered, tears welling up again, “if i do i’ll lose you forever. i don’t think i can do that, shua” you knew tears were freely spilling past your eyes at this point but you couldn’t care.

“yn, i promise you, you’re not going to lose me. i love you far too much to let you go” you still shook your head at him sniffling and unbelieving of his words. “yn you mean so much to me that i’m willing ignore my feelings for you because i know you don’t feel the same way. you mean so much to me that i’d rather wake up knowing i can’t have you the way i want then to wake up not having you in my life at all. you mean so much to me yn, so please don’t think i’d try leaving you”

you sat, stunned at joshua’s confession. it was like he could read your heart and turned all the feelings and words you wanted to give him into his own. he looked at you warily for a few seconds, scared you wouldn’t reciprocate his feelings. if only he knew how much you’d been thinking the same about him for months.

you inched closer to him, closing your eyes as you brushed your lips over his. joshua tensed before melting into the kiss too, and your heart grew warmer and how you could feel him smile into the kiss.

when you both pulled away, you were both smiling, “you know this doesn’t serve as a confession right? i want you to list every single thing that made you like me!”

you laughed at his words, whining “no don’t make me say it, you just want to tease me”

“oh so you’re allowed to hear me pour my heart out to you but if i wanna hear you say it back it’s too much?” he jokingly pouted, bringing you closer for a hug while he fought off his own giggles hearing yours.

🏷️ @smilehui @suzuyamitsuki @minhui896

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