#jean kirstein angst | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

honeybleed · 4 months

Text

content & warnings: female reader, wannabe delinquent!jean x ballerina!reader, black-coded reader, reader & jean are high school students but time skip to college at the end, fluff, angst (conflict, they have a fall out, parental abuse, body shaming, slut shaming, food mention), blood, this is very s1-3 jean

author’s note: reupload tee hee, this was firstly headcanons but i figured it could be in a fic format this time

word count: 3.1k

Your first impression of Jean…wasn’t the greatest.

Due to your strait-laced nature, he wore your nerve thin when he would hold up classes by squabbling with Eren incessantly.

There was this hierarchy in your high school, four girls dubbed as the four empresses for their beauty.

Historia Reiss who was the queen of the school. While her appearance was breathtaking, she was loathed by those at the bottom of the hierarchy and other girls from neighboring schools for her manipulation. Nobody dared to challenge her. When she wasn’t in her cheerleader uniform she was in all pink.

Mikasa Ackerman, with her raven black hair and fair complexion matched with the all-black clothing, DIY goth outfits of fishnets, corsets, lace, and ruffles. Her makeup was bold with dark shades contrasting on her porcelain skin.

Annie Leonhart despite purposely isolating herself and playing hooky at every opportunity still had both girls and guys head over heels for her.

With leather jackets, chequered skirts, and beat-up Doc Martens. There were all sorts of nonsensical rumors floating around the school about her, but if you even dared to ask her about it she’d give you the finger.

And finally, there was you. A hair was never out of place. Clothes without a single crease, always color coordinated with matching pinks, shoes shiny and skin dewy and lips glossy. You looked straight out of a magazine.

Your personality was considered hard to swallow, there was no denying your beauty and your talent. You were the school's prodigy, and both staff and students were certain that you would fly to heights of renown and acclaim.

You weren’t allowed to date, due to your mother’s scrutiny. She said there was no time for boys.

All of the well-known guys in your grade including Jean the try-hard, had hit on you several times, only for it to go miserably when you gave him a verbal lashing in front of the entirety of the school at the cafeteria which left him psychologically scarred.

In your final year at school, you were under immense pressure.

The end-of-year recital was what you had worked for ever since you began ballet at age five.

Talent scouts would be sat in the audience to see if you were worthy of a scholarship at such a prestigious dance academy, or even a dance company.

There weren’t many other ballerinas at your school but you still liked to practice by yourself at the dance studio within the school.

Today had been an eventful day. Jean had attempted to profess his love for Mikasa for the dozenth time by spray painting her name on the asphalt but was caught in the midst of it by a teacher.

She swore she was going to curse his entire bloodline if he didn’t leave her alone which left him red-faced and the laughingstock of the entire school (except for Marco who patted his back and told him to set his eyes on somebody else.)

He was almost suspended for vandalism but the truth was Jean wasn’t the bad boy he thought he was.

He barely had anything on his school record so he was given a warning and sent to clean up the dance studio and auditorium for the rest of the week.

Whilst you were in the middle of pliés, the studio’s door swung open.

You didn’t react but you stared into the mirror and it was none other than Jean. Since you were miles ahead of the other ballerinas in terms of skill during practice, you were frequently left on your own.

Your eyes met for a brief moment, then you continued your warm-ups. He approached the mirror with a rag and spray bottle, looking like he wanted to be anywhere else on earth than there.

“You’re doing a terrible job of cleaning the mirror.” You said harshly, breaking the suffocating silence.

“I’m doing a shitty job for a reason.” He snorted, as he left streaks on the mirror.

Your eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. Did he want to get into more trouble? You stopped your warm-ups, wrenching yourself off of the barre, and snatched the spray bottle and rag.

“They’ll make you do it longer if you do an awful job, you idiot.” You hissed as you scrubbed the mirror.

“No…if I do a shitty job, they’ll realize I’m not cut out for it and send me away, duh!” He said smugly.

It was harmless, right? It was just a dumb comment but a dumb guy. So why did it bother you so much?

“That worked for you in the past?” You snapped.

“Hit or miss.” He shrugged.

You told him to get lost, and that you’d clean the mirror yourself. He didn’t need to hear that twice and rushed away to loiter around until the teacher let him go.

Today wasn’t going well at all.

You couldn’t get the most basic moves right, honestly, you’d been in a slump for a while now but it was beginning to show in how sloppy your moves were and it was sending your brain haywire.

As you sat on the oak hardwood floors, hugging your knees you tried your best attempt at self-soothing but it just wasn’t working.

You began to peel off the slippers and you could see blood seep through and stain the sheer material of your tights.

This wasn’t anything new to you. You’d been doing ballet since childhood and bleeding toes were the tamest injury you’d suffered.

Unbeknownst to you, Jean noticed the state of your feet as he stood behind the slightly ajar door and was horrified for a split second.

Somebody like him hadn’t the faintest idea about ballet and thought it was just pretty girls in tutus and tiaras. Seeing the injuries on your feet hit him like a truck.

You simply got back up and continued your practice despite the incessant mistakes throughout the rest of the hour.

The door opened again, you whipped your head around to see who it was since the studio was usually empty and there he was.

“What, Kirstein?” You groaned, throwing your head back. “If I see you one more time, I swear I’m gonna-” you trailed off when he made his way towards you and pressed a packet of plasters into your hand.

Your eyes widened in disbelief, he then turned on his heel to head out of the studio as he threw up a hand to wave goodbye.

“See ya!” He called out.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?!” You barked at him.

He turned to face you with a mischievous glint in his eye, his hands in his pocket.

“You’re not gonna be the only one in that dance studio for the rest of the week, since I’m on cleaning duty.” He said with a boisterous laugh as he left you dumbfounded.

If you were in a slump before, you were sure this worsened it all the more.

But for the first time in all your years of rigorous routine and practice, you didn’t seem to care.

You helped Jean around the cleaning of the studio, and even the other places he was assigned to such as the auditorium and cafeteria then the two of you would just sit on the bleachers.

Either in comfortable silence or when Jean would get restless from not being able to run his mouth and start quizzing you like crazy about ballet.

“So guys can really do ballet too?”

“It’s not just for rich and stuffy people?”

“It’s actually a sport?!”

In the past, you probably would’ve given him a death glare that would’ve sent him running, and as annoying and dumb as those questions were they were beginning to come across as endearing to you. His genuine interest was sweet in a way.

“You want one?” He offered, thrusting a packet of M&M’s in your face causing you to wrinkle your face in disgust and push it away.

“No.”

“You’re a freak, I only catch you eating nut and fruit mixes like a damn squirrel.” He chortled.

You shrugged.

“Is it to do with your ballet?” He finally asked, eyes wide with curiousity.

“I guess so. It’s not even a ballerina thing everybody should have balanced nutrition.” You chastised him.

“Yeah, but that’s boring.” He retorted. “You even eat these before?” He questioned.

“…No.”

As much as it was encouraged by your past mentors and coaches to have a balanced diet, your mother had outright banned you from all sorts of junk food.

You didn’t put too much thought into her strict rules, you just followed what she said.

Jean’s jaw went slack and his eyes widened.

“You’ve NEVER had M&M’s before…?!” He cried out.

“What..?” You giggled at how ridiculous he looked. “They look like cavities in a packet.”

You felt his hand clamp around your wrist as he began to yank you up from the bench.

“Jean! What are you-”

“You can’t spend the rest of your life snacking like a bird, c’mon Y/N. Just for today, huh?” He pleaded.

You wrenched your hand away from him but the look in those honey brown eyes of his was persuading.

“Fine! But you’re not even allowed offsite you idiot!”

“I really could care less.” He snorted as he began to walk ahead of you.

“Jean, you are such a bad attempt at being a delinquent.” You chortled.

“How so, princess?” He responded.

“Okay a) call me that again and I’ll tear out your throat-”

“Duly noted.” He said with an uneasy laugh.

“And b) a delinquent would never stick around for their punishment. They would bail on it, yet here you are five minutes early every day!” You snapped.

He froze in his steps, then spun to face you directly.

“Maybe I just like hanging out with you a lot.” He said, with a grin and glint in his eye.

Soon enough, his punishment was over. So he had no excuse to drop by the dance studio and goof off with you.

You stared at him sitting underneath the tree with Marco, Connie, and Sasha.

Marco was a total sweetheart with cute freckles and you were sure if you were allowed to date you would’ve been drawn to him.

Connie was a slacker but hilarious all the same.

And the core memory you had of Sasha in elementary was her asking for your leftovers at lunchtime.

You usually sat with Historia, Ymir, and Historia’s underlings from the cheer squad but you had the weirdest feeling in your stomach ever since Jean stopped coming by.

So you, completely out of character approached the tree the four were sitting under.

Connie and Marco both had confused expressions on their faces while Sasha was too busy tucking into a bag of chips to care.

“Oh, hey Y/N!” She chirped. “What brings you here?”

Jean was resting against the trunk, a comic book on his face but instantly shot up when he heard Sasha say your name. Then tried to play it cool (and failed.)

You swallowed your pride and gritted your teeth.

“Why did you stop coming to the studio, Jean?” You questioned.

“Cos my punishment’s over, Y/N.” He stroked his hair back and had a greasy smile on his face. “You miss me that much you’d risk your reputation?”

As popular as you were, you didn’t care.

Although it was pretty irritating seeing everybody across the school gape at you just because you approached Jean.

“I thought you knew me better than that.” You said, a little disappointed.

The next few weeks were a high for you.

You still were rigid with your practice every weekday after school but you’d tell white lies to your parents that you were there longer so you could hang out with either Jean alone or the infamous Jean, Sasha, and Connie trio.

Marco joined sometimes but he wasn’t really into their slacker delinquent activities.

Connie was amazing at art and graffiti so you tagged along whenever they found abandoned places to spray paint.

Jean sucked so Sasha and Connie would spend almost an hour clowning his crappy attempts which made him sulk.

One day, he accidentally sprayed paint all over his face, and it went into his eyes so the four of you had to head to the emergency room.

Connie and Sasha hooting and hollering, earning glares from other people in the waiting room.

Sasha introduced you to all the junk and fast foods and sugary beverages you were banned from.

You were pretty shocked at all the tastes and she gawked at you as you took minuscule bites from the food.

Marco liked your handwriting and you could talk to him about art for hours.

He was a little more refined when he asked questions about ballet and even gushed over the stories that had been adapted for ballet. His favorite was Don Quixote.

And Jean? He was starting to throw a bit of a tantrum when he realized you barely spent alone time with him.

“What’s up? Aren’t we hanging out with the others?” You said as you stood outside the school.

“Connie has detention, Sasha needs to help her dad with something and Marco has tutoring.” Jean shrugged.

“That seems awfully convenient, huh Kirstein?” You said, a smile beginning to tug at the corner of your lips.

“What are you trying to insinuate?” He said with a lazy grin.

“Oh, nothing. I just think somebody drove his friends off because he wanted me all to himself..” You snickered.

You began to pull away from the group for a mid-term recital but they all still came to support you, whooping and cheering your name like crazy when you were on stage, earning glares from the audience.

When it was the end of the performance, Jean clapped furiously and yelled out “THAT’S MY GIRL!” which got some dirty looks and scoffing but it was hard to be mad at him when you could see the sense of pride he had for you.

Despite the performance going relatively okay, you were no longer allowed to practice by yourself.

Your teacher noticed your dance skills were beginning to become shoddy so you now had to practice with the others.

“I don’t know why now of all times you decide to start messing everything up!” Your mother barked at you when you came home.

“I’m sorry, alright? I’ll do better.” You sighed, praying, wishing for this to end.

“My biggest issue isn’t even you stomping around the stage.” She hissed, then prodded your stomach. “What the hell have you been eating?! You looked like a whale in that leotard it made me sick. I bet all the other girls are laughing at you!”

You felt your blood run cold.

“You can’t tell?” She said, voice shrill. “It’s that boy, isn’t it?”

“Huh…?”

“Don’t play dumb with me. I don’t know how the hell you even got involved with that nobody but just because he has no future doesn’t mean you throw away yours!”

“Don’t talk about him like that..!” You screeched.

“Did I hit a nerve?” She laughed in your face.

“If you’re mad at me for ruining the performance or gaining weight fine! It’s my fault, but Jean did nothing wrong…!” You cried out, tears pricking your waterline.

“You think I’m stupid? Boys like that infiltrate your life just to get you to spread your legs and toss you away like you’re nothing.” She spat, then veered dangerously close to you. “Or have you already done it?”

“Shut UP! JEAN IS NOT LIKE THAT!” You exclaimed and rushed out of the living room to run away from her cruel words.

Your father came to comfort you and apologized.

“Why are you gonna say sorry for something you didn’t do?” You asked, tearfully.

“I don’t know.” He said with a sigh as he sat on the edge of the bed, stroking the top of your head. “I just know I haven’t seen you this happy in years with those friends of yours..”

And it was true.

You’d spent the entirety of high school not knowing what it was like to have genuine platonic friendships…and even something more with Jean.

Later on, you pulled away from the four and gave them the cold shoulder. It was awful of you.

Sasha and Connie were taken aback, but Marco tried to rationalize it and told them about your end of year performance.

Jean didn’t let it go. How could he?

And as much as you tried to avoid him for the next few days, he caught you right before your after-school practice and dragged you into the janitor’s closet.

“Jean, what the hell?!” You shouted as you punched his arm.

“Y/N, please! If I did something wrong just tell me..!” Jean pleaded. “You know how much I care about you, the last thing I would ever wanna do is hurt you!”

“It’s not you, okay?! Just, back off Jean. I mean it.” You said, harshly as you pushed past him and fled out of the closet.

Years later as you stood in front of audiences who gave you and the rest of your dancers a standing ovation, your mind flitted back to that day.

You had no clue why you thought your life was over. Your skills were unmatched even if you thought you were in a rough patch.

You’d lived up to the expectations everybody had placed on you and ballet was yours and yours alone. When you graduated you ceased contact with your mother.

No longer would ballet be about her living through you, it was all yours. Your passion and the art form for which you lived.

As the curtains fell and the dancers began to make their way to the dressing rooms, your father approached you with a wide grin on his face.

“What’s with the smile, hm?” You giggled as he pulled you close for a hug.

“There’s some people you wanna see.” He said, triumphantly. He then took a step to the side and there was a much taller and graceful-looking Sasha, a more serious-looking Connie and a taller Marco. All smiles.

“I guess you no longer slacking off with us paid off, huh?” Connie said, wistfully.

Your eyes widened and you felt emotion hit you almost like a train. It’d been almost four years since you graduated.

“…Guys?”

“You’re forgetting one more.” Marco snickered. And there stood a towering and mature-looking man, holding a bouquet. Light honey eyes undeniable.

“…Jean?” You finally spoke, voice shaky.

“Hey Princess..” He began, with a proud smile. “Long time no- OOF!-”

He was cut off when you immediately launched yourself into his arms with such force the flowers clattered onto the ground.

His body was stiff and unresponsive for a second but he immediately relaxed and began to gingerly stroke the top of your head.

“I told you I hate that nickname.” You said, muffled into his chest.

#aot x reader #jean kirstein #jean kirstein x reader #aot fluff #aot angst #aot x black reader #aot x female reader #jean kirstein fluff #jean kirstein angst #aot fanfic #aot scenarios #⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ nara scribbles

152 notes · View notes

ohimsummer · 1 year

Text

been thinking about the alternate ending to being w/ fuckboy! Jean where he abandons reader and they end up w/ Connie

content: fem! reader x connie, unrequited love, ft. Jean, modern!au, established relationship, soooort of angsty ig?

Jean fucked up.

He started having feelings about his wrongdoings once he grew out of his childish, immature, college freshman personality. It was a few years after graduation, where he’d finally started acting like a real adult with responsibilities. When he stopped being an asshole and treating girls like toys just there for his amusement. When he lay amongst cold sheets at night, alone, craving more than just the high of a one-night-stand. It was on one of those empty, quiet nights that he knew he fucked up with you.

You’d been head-over-heels infatuated with him, and terrible at hiding it. Easy pickings for Jean at the time, he loved girls like you; they jumped at the thought of Jean claiming them, not aware he’d leave them heartbroken and falling apart in a couple of weeks. All you knew was that the handsome face you adored was giving you his attention. Jean was pulling you into him and holding off other admirers who definitely had better intentions for you. You didn’t know Jean was just using you for a quick fuck, and would ditch you the moment he grew tired of your company.

That moment came sooner than you were ready for. You couldn’t have been together more than a month. Jean slept with you a few times, and then completely ghosted you after. He knew you wouldn’t confront him in front of his friends, and it was almost effortless to avoid you around campus. You caught on way quicker than past partners of his, or maybe you were just less desperate. It took less than a week for you to give up your efforts, and trying to purge Jean from your mind.

One of his best friends, Connie, had a crush on you, Connie didn’t like the way Jean had treated you, especially knowing that Jean knew he liked you. Jean didn’t care. He did what he wanted, not giving too much of a fuck about how Connie felt. ‘You can still have her.’, he said, totally insensitive to the situation.’I’m done with her now.’ Jean thought Connie stopped pursuing you, having never mentioned your name again. He assumed Connie was just jealous and put-off that he’d gotten to you first.

It was six months later that Jean found out the truth, and only by pure luck. He caught a glimpse of you at Connie’s house after showing up unannounced, rushing back into his bedroom wrapped in a towel and quietly shutting the door behind you.

“Who was that?”, he asks Connie.

Connie glances over his shoulder, nibbling on his bottom lip before he answers.”Ah, my girl’s back there showering.”

That’s all he would say, and all Jean would ask. He stayed over for a few minutes to talk to Connie before his friend ushered him out. “Going out with my girl for a while. We can talk later, yeah?”

“Uh..yeah.”

He never asked again, and Connie never brought you up, except only in passing. And now Jean lay here, years later, isolated and bored in his room, craving touch and your touch specifically. He vaguely remembers the ghost of your fingertips clutching onto him for dear life years ago, never wanting to let him go. How tight you used to hold his hand, how bright your smile was when Jean would kiss your knuckles and lie to you about putting a ring on your finger some day. His stomach drops when he recalls that grief-stricken look you gave him when you realized he didn’t actually love you. That shattered stare you gave him from across the room as you watched some girl cling to him, and Jean pretending not to notice you. The thought makes him sick. He thinks about how different he felt with you, how much you loved to love him and how good it felt to be around you. How he just ignored that unique feeling of love he had for you, and threw it all away because he was stupid and just interested in using people for his own pleasure. He’d never get the chance to have you back or make it up to you, and he was reminded of it every time he glanced at the little silver ring hanging from a chain around your neck.

He really fucked up.

#jean x reader #connie x reader #jean angst #jean kirstein angst #aot x reader #aot angst #connie springer x reader #jean kirschstein x reader #connie springer imagine #aot imagine #jean kirstein imagine

405 notes · View notes

braunbakery · 1 year

Text

little sparrow

☞ jean kirstein x fem reader [ one-shot word count: 2.7k]

☞ sfw, angst angst angst, canon-verse

☞ plot: the world is ending, you are on a boat to your death, and your thoughts are of jean. (takes place on the boat to the hangar in marley season 4, managa ch. 131)

☞ inspired by little sparrow - alan dunham

☞ little sparrow

jean stands at the deck of the ship looking out at the surrounding ocean. you watch him from the other side of the deck. you watch the wind brush through his hair. you watch his jaw clench as he looks up at the trail of smoke the ship is leaving in its path. you watch him.

(you’ve watched him before. you’ve spent years watching him. most times he catches your gaze and shoots you a smirk. a knowing smirk, a friendly smirk, a pitiful smirk? you don’t know. but he looks you right in the eyes when he does it and that’s all that seems to matter to you.

“what you lookin’ at, huh?” he says, knowing full well it’s him. you huff out a smile in response, trying to cover up the speeding of your heart and the dryness of your mouth.

“nothing much,” you say, and he breaks out into a smile that makes you break out into a wider one. you’ve known jean for years, you’ve been through battle and war with him, yet in this moment you still can’t tell if he knows. if he knows the way your heart tugs in your chest when he breaks your stare and looks away.)

he catches you this time too, albeit this time is different. this time the wind is rushing through both of your ears, and even if he wanted to say something, you wouldn’t be able to hear him from how far he is. even if he wanted to say something, he doesn’t. he holds your gaze and looks at you solemnly, looks at you with the kind of exhaustion that makes you want to grab him and whisk him away from all of this.

there is no smirk this time. there is no joke quipped or cheeky smile. he stares at you and it would seem almost blank if you didn’t know him inside out. and then he nods at you (a slight nod, like it’s taking all of his power to do it) and goes back to looking ahead at the waves on the horizon.

“you okay?” a voice softly asks you, cutting you out of your thoughts. you turn to your left and find armin.

“armin, hey,” you say, and offer him a smile despite current circumstances. armin nods at you again, ushering you to answer his question (like you’d tell him the truth. like you’d admit that in the midst of this war and carnage and the end of the fucking world, you’re thinking about jean kirstein and wondering if he’s thinking about you. you’re thinking about jean kirstein and wishing his heart was aching because of you and not her).

“i’m fine, i’m just –”

“just?” armin cuts you off, interrupting your rehearsed response. just looking at the waves, you wanted to say. but you know that just as you’ve know jean for years, armin has known you for those years as well. and even if you haven’t been with them through the same thick and thin that they have all endured, he knows you enough to know that you’re still pining after jean in the wake of corpses and flames.

“…just,” is all you can say back. armin offers you a slight smile (pitiful, almost. you don’t want to be pitied).

“right.”

“and you, are you okay?” you ask armin. armin nods his head at you.

“to the best of my ability.”

“and…” you look back off to your side at jean, who’s still holding the railing of the boat and looking out at the distance, “how about him?”

“he was talking to mikasa earlier and hasn’t said anything to anyone since,” armin bluntly states. you refuse to make eye contact with him.

(the mikasa of it all.

the mikasa of it all is a simple yet utterly painful concept. no matter how much you train, how much you pour your soul into being better, how much you are there for jean, you will never live up to mikasa.

and you are there for jean in an amount that is almost poisonous to you. you watch him watch her pine after eren, you offer him words of support, and in the darkest of moments you offer him yourself.

“jean,” you whisper in the in the night. you both stand leaning against the walls of headquarters, having just come back from a busy day of basically being the backbone behind building the new paradis railway. the chill of the night is biting at your cheeks and fingers and you’re barely able to see each other despite the dimly lit lantern hanging from the wall.

jean’s nose is brushing up against yours, and his breath is fanning your cheek. you had just come out here to talk, to escape the chaos of dinner (you more so believe it was to escape mikasa trying to urge eren to finish his food, but this is something that you can ignore for now as jean softly holds your face in his palms).

“is this okay?” jean whispers back at you, and when you look up into his eyes they are already boring into yours and you’re almost entranced by the reflection of the flickering lantern in them. you wonder if you stare long enough would you be able to make out mikasa’s silhouette in his thoughts?

this is not the first time this has happened. where jean has snuck you away to talk, or to walk, or to on some occasions kiss. and each time you think you feel even more deeply for him and for the way he listens and laughs at what you say. each time you think you disregard the fact that he is secretly wishing you were her more and more. more and more until you simply will yourself to forget. you swallow.

this is all you will ever get from him. that’s okay.

“yes,” you respond.

he offers you a soft and almost fleeting kiss. )

armin nudges you.

“right, okay,” you say, basically mechanically. you avoid armin’s gaze. this is ridiculous. now is not the time to become jealous and insecure of this crush that has plagued you for much too long, and yet here you stand doing exactly that. at the end of the day, you are stuck on this boat until you reach the azumabito hangar. you are stuck watching jean and wondering what it is about you that is not enough for him to be agonising over you and not her.

“maybe you should go talk to him,” armin offers.

“no, i think he’d rather be alone.”

“it’s the end of the world,” armin says. annie slowly walks past the two of you and climbs back down below deck. armin’s eyes momentarily follow her until she’s out of his vision. he looks back at you, “no one should be alone.”

armin stares at you meaningfully, and suddenly your limbs are moving before you will them to and you’re making your way to the other side of the deck. to jean. he turns his head towards you as you approach him and you can feel your stomach tie into a knot. you’ve fought men and titans, and this is what is sending your heart racing.

“hey,” you greet once you sidle up to him. jean offers you a close-mouthed smile. tired.

“hey,” he’s looking at you.

“how are you doing?” you ask as carefully as you can, jean’s smile widens and you both know it’s not out of any rush of happiness.

he laughs sarcastically, “great,” and you feel stupid until he smiles at you again, a real one this time. one that comes from sharing this whole ordeal together, “how are you?”

“fantastic,” you echo a similar sentiment. he huffs out a short laugh and you’re both looking at each other.

out of the context of death and destruction and feeling the weight of the world on your collective shoulders, you think jean looks quite beautiful right now. his eyes are tired, he has scratches across his face, his hair is tousled and there are smears of dirt over his clothes – but you are captivated by this view of him and the ocean. you think it is the most solace you have been offered in the past twenty four hours.

“you know…” you’re suddenly saying, and jean’s eyes are flitting back and forth between yours, “you know you can talk to me, jean.”

jean nods slightly and curtly, sidling up closer to you in what feels like an attempt to make sure you know what he is saying is true, “i know.” he doesn’t break away from your gaze.

“okay,” you say, “just… just reiterating.”

he tears his gaze away from you and stares ahead at the blue once more, and then you hear a slight mumbling from his direction.

“…there really isn’t anyone else i’d rather talk to.”

lie.

(jean always does this thing sometimes. he lies without meaning to, without really understanding the depth of his words. or maybe he doesn’t really understand the depth of how well you know him.

you think he has a habit of saying what he wishes to be true, what he believes to be true through logic and deduction, but not what is actually true.

he’s supposed to meet you straight after dinner outside to go for a walk. it’s not that serious, you’re just hanging out because you’re friends. you’re spending time together because your friends – but unfortunately when it comes to him it is that serious. everything is always that serious and you’re stuck waiting under the same lantern he kissed you at outside (this has become some sort of regular meeting spot now. you wonder if it holds the same significance to jean as it does to you), stuck leaning against a shitty cold wall and wondering what’s taking him so long.

at first, you don’t care – not really anyway. jean is boyish in the way that he has the same boyish stupidity that runs through half of the male population of the regiment under the age of twenty one (even armin). he’s either still eating and taking his time because he’s forgotten, getting caught up talking to someone, or taking a shit.

you venture back into the warmth of headquarters to find him and you know once he spots you he’ll remember and excuse himself.

and you do find him, outside the entryway of the dining hall of course distracted by talking to someone. talking to mikasa. and you know he was on his way out because he’s at the entryway. and some twisted part of you is enraged by the hypothetical of him knowing that you’re being kept waiting and choosing fleeting conversation with her over meeting you. a part of you is enraged by the part of you that is enraged.

and a part of you is slowly sinking back into yourself, hiding in the darkest corners of your body and trying to hold yourself together. trying not to catch onto small snippets of conversation and compare your voice to mikasa’s, your mannerisms to mikasa’s and your flare for conversation to mikasa’s (maybe you need to make yourself smaller and softer and quieter).

and then jean catches sight of you, eyes widening slightly. he holds up his index finger and mouths two words, ‘one second’.

lie.

you feel almost out of your own body when you make your way back outside and wait for ten more minutes.

you know that deep down you are somewhat just a simple distraction for jean from mikasa. whatever he wants you to be, you find yourself already morphed into it. whether a friend to laugh at his jokes or someone to hold. someone to hold him.

that does not make the reminder of it hurt any less. )

“right,” you say, lips pursed.

“what?” jean asks, angling his head to look back at you.

“nothing.”

“oh, come on,” he’s elbowing your side, echoing images of him from when he was just a young cadet, “you can’t hide from me.”

and you can’t help almost laugh to yourself at the irony of that. hiding from him is something you have been doing for years. hiding the true extent of your feelings, hiding the parts of yourself that you think will scare him away (the jealous parts. the upset parts. the angry parts that wish you had never offered yourself to him. that you had kept yourself to yourself.)

“it really is nothing, jean,” you say, placing a hand on his elbow and pushing it back down to his side. you swallow, “compared to all this anyway.”

jean holds your gaze, thinking about your statement and then sighs.

“yeah, i guess everything would be.”

a comfortable silence settles between the two of you, as you both listen to waves breaking and the wind rushing past your ears. you both lean over the railing, eyes squinting as you look out once more. the view does not get old. you don’t think it ever will.

“i hope that with some miracle eren makes it out.”

your head shoots towards jean, and you can tell he’s trying his hardest not to meet your eyes. his jaw clenches and unclenches and his grip on the railing is tighter than necessary.

“yeah,” is all you can say back. you want to give him enough room to speak. to be listened to. even if it means you have to bury whatever it is you may feel or may want to say.

“and i hope we do too,” jean continues.

your heart sinks. the thought that he may not make it terrifies you even more than the thought of your own demise. it’s scary that you feel enough for someone to not even blink an eye at your own imminent death but feel your world may come crashing down at the thought of theirs.

“jean, i –” you’re suddenly blurting out, and the way jean’s head immediately shoots towards you cuts you out of whatever it is you were going to say. you don’t know what it is you were going to say, but it feels like it’s trying to claw its way out of your mouth.

“yeah?”

“i have something to tell you,” you pronounce every vowel and syllable carefully, trying to sound them all out in a way that soothes the way your insides feel like they’re caving in.

jean’s brows scrunch in concern and you can feel him gravitating towards you (which does nothing for your heart), “yeah?”

you can hear hange yelling in the distance and out of the corner of your eye you can make out the hangar slowly coming into view. jean follows your gaze and notices it too, but then he’s looking back at you as more people shuffle across the deck.

“i –” you try to start, but there are more yells. reiner stomps up the steps and onto deck towards hange.

“i –” it gets caught in your throat again as you make out mikasa’s dark hair blowing in the wind and walking over to armin.

jean, filled with sweet concern gently places a hand on your arm, and you wish you could disappear. you wish you could escape this feeling, this aching and this torment. you wish you had never met him. you wish you could be someone else. you wish you could be the perfect someone else for him, the one that is enough.

“i love you,” you blurt out.

you’re staring at him in shock at your own words and he’s staring at you like he’s trying to piece your words together over and over to figure out what they really mean. you swallow and swallow and swallow and your heart runs and runs and runs. there’s more shuffling all around you and suddenly everyone is above deck, chattering and planning and discussing.

but it’s still just you and jean alone at this corner and you can’t hope but pray for this moment between words to go on forever, so you never have to know his reaction. so you never have to plan how to go on after it.

jean’s hand moves from your arm as he now clasps your shoulder. like a comrade.

“i need to go.”

and he makes his way to hange.

you stand and listen to the howling wind alone.

taglist;

@saramelcky,@chxrlynn,,@xadistist @dai-tsukki-desu@papiibuprofen, @chiaradhea, @unicornlover25 @queen-flower @sofijaeger @esdexath @itskoushi @sweetd4isy @kakashihatakesbaby @okgaby7 @stxrrielle @6sakusa @jaegeriess @sakurashell @littlemochi @sweetlilhoshii @gunnedrobin @kennyackermanswhore @jeansspacegirl, @sashatanaka

reply to this post if you want to be a part of the taglist!

#jean x reader #aot x reader #jean kirstein x reader #jean kirstein angst #aot angst #aot fic #jean kirschtein x reader #snk x reader #snk angst #snk fic #jean fic

238 notes · View notes

writingforcuteppl · 8 months

Text

HELP!

Hey! It’s me, your girl, that comes here once in a blue moon!! I need your help with something.

I’ve been working on an AOT series for god knows how long, and I’ve finally decided to start writing and posting it!!! But that’s where I’m still a little indecisive… I don’t know if I should post the chapters in order (meaning it’s gonna be in chronological order) or just post the chapters in random order. Most of them could be read as a one-shot, so I’m still indecisive. If you could help me with this, that would be great!!!

Just for a little sneak peek, it’s going to be a Reiner x Smith!Reader and Jean x Smith!Reader!!!

Thank you so much!!! 🩷

13 notes · View notes

mayariviolet · 3 months

Text

on another note that won’t get me sent to a padded room… does anyone wanna… perhaps see some W.I.P for my Jean Kirstein fic that’s very personal to me…🥹

#femme lune writings🌙#femme lune lore✨#femme lune rambles #jean kirstein x reader #jean kirstein angst #i know how it ends ….

3 notes · View notes

fqiryspit · 1 year

Text

miserable.

summary: reader tries to go to a friendly get-together she was invited to, just to realize no one wants her there.

the bright glare of the stop light blinded your vision as you finally stopped your car.

you have no one.

absolutely no friends

you grip your wheel tighter, knuckles popping at the sudden move and your eyes blurring.

you don't even know why you went. this friendly get-together was obviously interrupted by you. no one wanted you there.

you walked up to jean first, saying hi as he just kinda stood there

"hi uh-"

uh. he doesn't know your name. you feel embarrassment flood through you instantly before connie ran up and through tears of laughter started retelling a story.

connie didn't even look at you either. you sniffed awkwardly and backed up. you suppose you only talked to them on a couple of occasions, that's fine.

you felt the car stop at another light, fuck you forgot you were even driving. you now saw the pile of tears on your jeans and felt your aching throat, sobbing silently in your car like a loser.

you brushed that interaction off and went up to the people you did know, eren, mikasa, and armin of course.

you're only here because armin invited you. being his friend in this tutor group you both formed it was nice of him to invite you here, you were gonna have fun.

walking up to eren leaning against the wall casually you said hi and he just shot a quick smile before locking eyes with mikasa who walked right in front of you, stepping on your foot.

she felt your shoe immediately and spun around, you saw eren putting his hand in front of his mouth to hide his laughter and your entire body ran cold, embarrassed yet again.

"oh, I'm sorry!" mikasa said, two cups full of alcohol in her hand as she wore wide worried eyes at you. well...at least someone is talking to you

"no its-" then she spun back around and gave eren his drink, who now had a red face and a smile from laughing so hard.

you turned around, stepping away, careful with your steps, now worried to embarrass yourself further

you heard eren snicker behind you and mikasa hitting his shoulder

"shush eren! don't be so rude, I think that's connie friend..she was just trying to be nice"

they didn't even remember you. fuck you were gonna cry. you didn't have tears in your eyes yet but your throat ached so hard like you were gonna let a sob out.

there's armin, fucking finally. you walked over to him, he was pouring drinks in the kitchen and you started to feel a lot more comfortable

"hey armin"

he looked over at you for a second and looked right back to the drinks he was preparing

"oh, hey. didn't think you'd make it" he mumbled while mixing some off-brand soda with whisky and you just felt your knees buck

"well...you invited me. of course, I'd show up" you reminded him, hoping to jog his memory that he must have invited you for a reason, that maybe he wanted to be your friend

"mm." he hummed simply before grabbing the drinks and swerving past you like you were blocking his way in the wide hallway

you felt your eyes burn and just walked out the door. running to your car as tears pooled out of your eyes.

you're so embarrassed. you have no friends. zero. you joined clubs and thought you made one but he just pitied you. he couldn't even stand you that long and not to mention his friends hated you to

you're aren't some new girl trying to find which group she's good in either. you're graduating soon and you don't even have new numbers in your contacts, just family who brush you off on the rare chance they call.

you ached for someone just to talk to, just someone. anyone. you don't have to have anything in common with them, just a warm body to just air your problems out and them to respond with something more than an "mm."

you're so fucking miserable and as you park your car in this weird ass parking lot to go up into the apartment that's every shade of tan, you know you're just gonna be as alone as you always will be. because people can't fucking stand you.

an: hope you guys have a good wednesday

2K notes · View notes

jeankirsteinsgrlfrnd · 18 days

Note

Have you done a piece yet for jean being jealous? If not you totally should. 😋

captain jaeger and jealous jean

pairing: jean kirstein x f!reader (x eren sort of, not really)

wc: 1.8k+

tw: alcohol, inebriation, fluff, cursing, eren’s a dickhead, a little heated at the end 🤏🏻

a/n: thank you for this request! i hope you like it! also not proofread

if you’d ask him, jean would define jealousy as the deafening sound of a pulse canceling out every other noise. he’d also say he doesn’t get jealous. was he competitive? sure, but that didn’t mean he was jealous.

athletic rivals with eren, those two were always butting heads about something, anything. jean was easy to rile up and eren was a relentless tease. eren found an extreme amount of joy in raising the other boy’s blood pressure. but no, jean wasn’t jealous of eren. he hated him and that idiotic man-bun of his. the way he’d blink a certain way and some easily fooled girl would slip him her number. the way things came naturally to him. it wasn’t jealous, he’d say, it’s hatred.

y/n wasn’t the jealous type, either. there were girls prettier than her and she knew that. nothing she could do about it, so she didn’t worry. besides, she didn’t want to be the type of person to make every other girl her competition. she felt like a plain jane and she was contempt with it, oddly enough. she attracted just enough attention to feel pretty every now and then.

so when eren jaeger, the gorgeous captain of the baseball team, chose to talk to her at his house party, she felt divine. she felt seen.

*************

typical pop music flooded the house, drowning out any sentences that would normally otherwise be coherent. eren jaeger’s living room was flooded with girls in tight clothes and boys who were just a little too sweaty. it was cramped, almost making you feel claustrophobic.

you’d never been to a party before. at least, not the one’s you’d seen on the television. the type where people were passed out in random spots, where the scent of booze lingered heavily, where there were people making out upstairs in the bedrooms. this party certainly exceeded your expectations, despite it still being early on the night.

you’re not quite sure why you’re here. your friend, mikasa, had invited you earlier on in the day. she said that eren had wanted you to come. and with her being his childhood best friend, you believed her. mikasa and you weren’t exactly besties or anything of the sorts, but she was more than an acquaintance.

there you were, standing in the middle of the most popular boy’s living room, dazed and alone. an overwhelming desire to become a wallflower strikes you. fighting the battle of a lifetime, you swat away your urge to be antisocial and head to the kitchen where the drinks are sure to be plenty.

the kitchen is only slightly less crowded than the previous room. a group of people are huddled around the kitchen island. fortunately, you identify mikasa by her jet black wolf cut.

“hey, mikasa.” you shout to upstage the music.

mikasa spins around, revealing a red solo cup in her right hand. ‘mik’ is written sloppily on it in black sharpie. her eyes, with no less than half a pound of eyeliner on them, skim you up and down. as you start to worry about your outfit choices, she smiles.

“y/n, you came,” she starts, “you look cute.” mikasa compliments as she wraps her arms around you.

there’s no chance for you to respond with an attempt of feigning your belonging because eren is breaking away from his spot at the counter. he stands at a crisp six foot one, towering over both mikasa and you. like everyone else at the party, eren is sporting a red cup, holding it by it’s brim. ‘captain’ is written messily on it, along with the number ‘17.’

a few pieces of his dark hair frame his face. wonderous green eyes that search yours. a chiseled jaw you imagine slicing your finger open on.

oh, just looking at him you could bleed.

“hey. what’re you drinking?” he asks, tilting his head down.

casual. his words are casual. like it isn’t your first time truly holding a conversation with him.

“anything, i don’t really…” you trail off as your eyes flicker between his.

this makes eren smile. he throws up one finger on his left hand, signaling you to allow him a moment to find something he finds suitable for you. he rummages through the fridge and pulls out a red wine cooler.

“this good?” he asks, raising it in the air.

“yes,” you yell back whilst nodding your head.

eren comes back as mikasa gives you a look. she tilts her head up and shakes it at her friend before leaning back onto the counter, rejoining her previous conversation.

he stands before you, extending the hand that holds your drink. just as you go to grab it, he raises it so that you can’t reach it. a smile is painted across his face, revealing bright white teeth.

you blush.

“you can have it,” he cocks his head to the side, “after you do a shot with me and my friends. i’ll even let you use it as a chaser.”

your brain has gone completely fuzzy. eren jaeger invited you to his party, gets a drink just for you, and is now peerpressuing you to indulge in bad decisions.

“okay,” you blink. “i can do that.”

he grins and to your surprise, he throws an arm over your shoulder. “thatta girl,” he says, just low enough for you to hear.

eren weasels you two between sasha and mikasa, the ponytailed girl at your side. she pays no mind to your intrusion and instead offers a smile.

“listen, you delinquents,” eren interrupts them. “we are going to do a shot in honor of my pending status of captain.”

“you are so arrogant, jaeger,” a man scoffs.

across the counter, a messy dirty blonde mullet sits on top of a beautiful, angry face. his forearms rest on the granite as his body leans forward, eyes set directly on the man with his arm around your shoulder.

“oh, jean,” eren coos. “you can’t always get what you want.”

grabbing the malibu bottle by it’s neck, jean laughs. “you haven’t gotten anything yet,” his hazel flickers briefly to yours. “we won’t know until tomorrow.”

the way he talks makes a pit form in your stomach. you’re a smart girl, you know what they’re alluding to. it’s you.

“i guess you’re right. but i’m pretty much guaranteed to score,” eren tightens the bun on the back of his head.

“here,” jean slids you a shot glass. it reeks of coconut.

“you don’t have to take it if you don’t want to,” sasha says. “they’re a bunch of dorks.”

“no, it’s fine,” you shake your head as your fingers wrap around the clear glass. the liquid inside is taunting you.

“eren just wants to get you drunk,” jean says nonchalantly just as the cold glass touches your bottom lip.

“i know,” you respond.

it burns. coconut flavor isn’t strong enough to mask the burning left on your tongue. you can feel it light your esophagus on fire as it travels down, settling in the depths of your stomach.

“i’m going to kill you, kirstein.” eren’s voice raises a few notches as he drops his arms from your shoulder.

jean just laughs. he’s not laughing at eren though, he’s laughing at you.

“what’s so fucking funny?” eren hisses.

“she’s too smart for you,” jean shrugs his shoulders.

“are you too smart for me, (y/n)?” eren asks teasingly, looking down at you.

“i just think that you can’t always get what you want.” you blink your eyes lashes at him a few times before grabbing your bottle out of his hands. he looks dumbfounded as you head towards the living room, leaving him with the sounds of sasha and jean laughing at him.

your feelings are hurt, there’s no denying that. you had felt special and now you know you were just going to be a notch on his belt.

after a few drinks, you find yourself back in the kitchen. this time, there’s no crowd of people in here. just half-filled cups and bottles. faint sounds of terrible karaoke are heard.

you’re standing in front of the faucet, staring out the window, watching people do keg stands. eren’s out there egging them on.

“don’t make me take back what i said.”

“about eren?” you ask, turning around to see jean. he’s drunker, too.

he walks around the island, eventually leaning his back against it as he positions himself in front of you.

“about being too smart. you’re still thinking about him, aren’t you?”

“no,” you sigh. “how did you know he just wanted to fuck me?”

“because that selfish prick can’t let me have anything for myself,” he growls. his grip on his cup tightens. it slightly indents under his pressure. “he just wanted to piss me off. i should fucking kill him.”

“what are you talking about?”

“c’mon,” he sets his cup down. jean pushes himself off the counter and leaves mere inches between the two of you. his forehead is hovering above yours. the warmth of his breath makes the hairs on your neck stand up.

“jean,” you whisper. you’ve never been so still in your life. afraid whatever this is might die, you hold your breath.

“you’re smart, (y/n), too damn smart,” he purrs. “use that brain of yours.”

the vibration in his dialect makes your heart race.

“i don’t understand why you keep calling me that,” your lips part.

jean’s fingers find yours. his brush gently along them, leaving a wake of goosebumps. “you knew what eren wanted but you still chose to get drunk. you got drunk and didn’t sleep with him, just to piss him off. i’m starting to think i might be a part of that plan. you want to make him jealous?”

you swallow the lump in your throat. chest heaving with butterflies, you nod.

“good,” jean replies. the space between your foreheads close. his skin is burning hot, warming your entire body. “because he was making me so fucking jealous,” he draws a finger along your jaw and stops at your chin, “dirty fucker had his hands on you.”

“jean,” it’s the only word you can speak. everything else is forgotten.

“i’ve wanted you for so long. do you know what that’s like?” he waits for you to shake your head before he continues, “maddening. and eren knew all about it.”

“why didn’t you say anything?”

“just wanted it to be perfect,” he whispers, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. “and now it is, hmm? i get to piss him off by doing this.”

jean’s thumb and pointer finger center your chin as he draws in closer to you. without hesitation, your lips open slightly as his meet yours. they’re softer than you expected. it’s electric. warm hands snake around your waist, pulling you away from the counter. your brain is scrambled, all parts of you lost in jean.

he pulls back for a second, rubbing a thumb along your side. “can’t believe i let jaeger work me up this much,” he kisses your right cheek. “never been this fuckin’ jealous,” he kisses your left cheek.

“i can’t believe you’re jealous…because of me.”

“especially because of you.”

read my jean fic here

102 notes · View notes

honeybleed · 6 months

Note

hey babes!! first of all, I hope you’re having a good day 🫶🏾🤍 and thank you for always popping in my inbox with the BEST asks. I appreciate them sm. ik u mad at your husband right now but imma need me a lil sum for jeannie. Something real spicy and kinda drama filled cause I’m in a messy mood 🌚 I’ll leave the context up to you 🫶🏾

CHERRY YOU KILL MEEE 😭 COS TELL ME WHY I WAS JUST WAITING ON THIS FJSKSJSJ but anyways u already know, hope u having a good day too my sweets muah 🩵

content & warnings: female reader, black-coded reader, halloween (yes i know it’s november), jean & reader are seniors in college, exes, angst, alcohol consumption, jean an asshole at first sorry, toxic relationship since jean head of the sassy man apocalypse and tryna fight, lol dis lowkey selfship coded, no smut but suuuuper suggestive so mdni

word count: 2.8k

Jean sucks at the feelings talk.

That’s why when you were gonna head home for the summer break, you got a text saying you should see other people.

Violent thoughts overtook your brain as you dropped your box as you were packing to head back to your family’s place for the holidays.

And the snow globe he brought you shattered, glitter spilling across the wooden planks.

You were never the sort of person to chase after a man.

But being dogged out by somebody who was your first everything was probably the biggest blow you’d experienced in a while.

The entire summer was spent in your room, curtains shut as Radiohead droned on. Your parents and siblings were getting sick of you.

But bit by bit, you got there. Slowly rebuilding yourself. You weren’t completely whole again after Jean broke your heart.

You could say you glued yourself back together and put on a brave face when senior year began.

People talked — they always do. Seems like Jean had been having a whale of a time since he shot that stupid text. He’d got around, to say the least.

And you brushed it off.

That is until you were in the same vicinity as your asshole ex who couldn’t even give you the grace of breaking up with you face to face.

He was burning lasers into the back of your head as you weaved your way through the masses of crowds in the rowdy frat party.

They’re lame but you promised your friends you’d try since you were ghost all summer.

You were getting all kinds of stares and whistles. The bodysuit at the rushed attempt at Mileena was garnering attention, to say the least.

Greeting your friends, downing the gross alcohol juice concoction in the solo cup, you were actually enjoying yourself.

That is until he who shall not be named descended onto you like a bat out of hell, dragging you to the closet.

“Jean!” You hissed, ripping away from his grip on your wrist. “What the hell is your problem?!”

“Oh, I'm the one with the problem...?”

“Yeah! Stop giving me evils at every dude I dance with!”

“So you'd prefer to be kissing a few other schmucks?” He spat. He had a habit of clenching his jaw whenever he was mad and the nerve in his temple would throb.

“Maybe! I bet they wouldn’t dump me via text like YOU!” You barked at him. You were angry but you could already feel a lump in your throat.

That shut him up. You could practically see the humiliation washing over him.

“Well, I just couldn't deal with being stuck with your whiny bs every day, but I was too weak to just say it. So I broke up with you over text.” He fumed. “It was the biggest pussy move of my life. I should've just been honest right from the get-go, but I guess I was a coward. There. You happy now?”

He looked mortified. You blinked a few times, feeling your eyes sting.

“Oh God, please don’t cry, I never meant…” Jean stuttered as he put his hands on your shoulders. “No, don’t do this to me, baby…”

He paused. Freudian slip of the pet name.

“I…drove you away?”

This is so stupid. Cramped in a closet, crying. He hadn’t even told you why. He just told you he thought you should see other people.

“Listen, it was never about you, it was about us being wrong for each other. I just couldn't see it, but I guess I should've known. I was too selfish to notice how I was making you feel. I'm sorry, I've just been a complete jerk to you. I should have just told you sooner how I was feeling, but in the end it's no excuse for how I've treated you. You just didn't deserve any of it. You didn't do anything wrong, you didn't do anything wrong, okay?”

“Okay. But…we’re not together anymore. Why do care if I dance with other guys?!”

“It’s probably just some stupid male ego thing. I guess I just feel like if I'm not the centre of your life, then I've failed. It's my own insecurities coming back to haunt me.” He said lowly as he struggled to meet your eyes.

The explanation. It clicked. It made sense. Jean was a hothead who was always terrified of losing you. Despite your constant reassurance, he never believed you.

But as you slumped against the wall and clutched your head, all the heartbreak from the summer hitting you like a truck, the right answer just seemed so damn absurd.

He kneeled in front of you, cupping your cheeks.

“Don’t touch me.” You muttered despite you falling into his touch regardless.

“I'm sorry. God, I'm an idiot.” He sighed.

“No…I mean, yeah you’re an asshole for dumping me via text but I’m sorry I was driving you mad.” You groaned.

You knew you were a lot to deal with. You and Jean both jumped too fast into this relationship.

“You shouldn't be apologizing. You deserve someone better than me. Hell, I don't even know how you put up with me for so long.”

“Is that why? Is that why you dumped me, Jean?”

He smoothed the top of your head and kissed your forehead gently.

“Maybe. But there's more to it than that. I was too scared of being in a relationship, of committing. Being with you meant having an obligation, having to give you my time and attention. I just couldn't handle it. But if I'm being honest with myself, I know that was just an excuse. The truth is, I knew you were out of my league the moment I laid eyes on you. I knew I wasn't good enough for you.”

You felt anger overtake your senses as you balled up your fist and thumped his chest, hard.

“Ow! Hey! I'm telling you the truth, don't take it out on me! I never wanted to hurt you, ever! You deserved so much better than me.”

“That was not your call to make and you know it!” You cried out, furious at him.

“I know, I just couldn't see why. I was scared you'd leave me. So, I did what a selfish idiot would do, I left you first. I figured that I'd rip the band-aid so that I wouldn't have to feel so hurt when you walked out on me. So yeah, I know, I'm a complete jerk who threw away the most important person in his life.“

“You don’t get to say that bullshit. You don’t get to use that crappy excuse! You should’ve TOLD me how you felt! You asshole! You think anybody wants a text telling them to go see other people?!”

“Look, I said I was wrong Y/N! What the hell else do you want from me?!” Jean yelled. “What the hell do you see in me?”

You let out a pained noise as if the wind was almost knocked out of your chest.

“When you say shit like that, it breaks my heart!” You cried out.

“I'm sorry…I just think so little of myself. If I knew you could be happy with someone else, I couldn't be the selfish jackass who kept you tied down to the wreck of a man like me.”

“Can you stop saying bs like this? I love YOU, I wanna be with YOU! And I’m just me. I ain’t perfect.” You said, exasperatedly.

“No, but you're pretty damn close.” He said with a snort.

“Idiot.” You sighed as you leaned in to kiss him.

“Hurry the fuck UP IN THERE!” A voice yelled, banging on the door.

“Jesus!” You cried out, as your hand gripped your chest in shock.

“Oh, I think someone's just jealous he's missing out on all this.” Jean said with a cocky grin as he lifts you, presses you against the door and suck on your lower lip gently which makes you moan slightly.

“Ah fuck, they’re doing it!” A voice calls out.

“I’m not fucking you in a dingy closet.” Jean snickers as he leans to kiss your neck. “C’mon. Lemme take you home. Please?”

Those amber hues of his. You let out a sigh.

Did he deserve this? No. But did he have you wrapped around his finger? Absolutely. City girls down -500.

"Now...what in the hell are you supposed to be?" You questioned as the two of you headed out of the party, hand in hand.

"The Grim Reaper. Why, who do I look like?" He chuckled, arching a brow.

"Like...a guy in all black.." You snorted.

"That's not even a costume, dummy. Do you not see the scythe I have propped up against my shoulder? Now who are you supposed to be?"

"Guess." You said flatly as his eyes raked over the bodysuit and mask that you'd lowered to your chin.

"You're missing a key component." He scoffed.

"I just didn't wanna do the whole prosthetic jagged bloody teeth thing." You sighed. "Makeup is one thing. But prosthetics?"

"Well, the whole toothy thing would make it peak Halloween." He chuckled as he looked you up and down again. "I won't knock it though, you look good."

"Yeah...maybe next time you can be Johnny Cage." You grinned.

"Oh, don't tempt me with a good time. I bet you could pull off a mean Sonya Blade."

"You damn flirt.." You murmured as you shook your head. "That 613 will go on your card."

"Wouldn't have it any other way." He grinned as he kissed the top of your head. "You know I only had eyes on you in there."

"Explains why you dragged me into the closet to yell at me.."

"I didn't yell. I reprimanded you, and it was in private so no one heard."

"Cos you got mad at me dancing with another guy, huh? Gentle reminder, you're my ex. Ergo we have no business together."

"You're damn right I did, I don't want you dancing on some other schmo. And why were you doing it in the first place?"

"Cos I wanted to! And don't even play dumb you were having the time of your life with that chick."

"So? I wasn't grinding on her ass on the dance floor now was I? I was just talking. Jesus..."

"You probably would."

"I would not, goddamn it. And don't start again. Now that we're past that bullshit, how about that sleepover?"

"Sleepover? That's what we're calling it now?" You said with a wry laugh. "Promise you won't get disappointed when I bring out the chick flicks and nail polish instead of letting you fuck."

"Promise you won't be disappointed when we end up doing both." He grinned.

"Are you still rooming with Connie and Sasha?"

"Yup. I mean, we have separate bedrooms and all that of course. It's not like we're sleeping together. Why, you don't want me bunking with some other girl?” He asked.

"Oh please. You think I'm that jealous I'd be wary of Sasha of all people? She wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot barge pole."

"Touché. I'm an avid spokesperson against flatcest." He chuckled.

"Huh?"

"Baby, that's like one of the first rules of rooming. Sleeping with your flatmates always descends into disaster."

"Ah. I guess that makes sense." You responded. "Connie still a slob?"

"That man child? I'd be lying if I didn't say he's improved. Freshman year with his dirty boxers all over our floor nearly drove me to insanity." He said with a shudder as he reminisced.

"Have you drank?" You asked, curiously.

"A little... you?"

"A lot.." You responded. "Tasted disgusting though."

"Ah...that explains why you're so damn whiny. C'mere..." He said as he threw an arm around you, pulling you into his side.

"What else would you have gone as?"

"I thought a vampire. A little blood, a little bit of a vintage tux, some fangs, the usual stuff. But in the end, I figured I was hot enough to go as myself." He grinned. "What about you? What were you gonna be if you weren't Mileena?"

"Maybe Morticia Addams...so I could wear a 27-inch jet black buss down y'know.....grins. But I'd need my Gomez... and well...you're a giant.."

"Yeah, I'm too tall to be Gomez, you're right." He paused. "Here's an idea, what if you were Gomez and I were Morticia? I bet I can pull it off for you."

You blinked a few times at the absurdity of his suggestion.

"I could pull off the dress and makeup and all that stuff. Would you still go as Gomez if I promised I'd be Morticia?" He insisted causing you to throw your head back with laughter.

"What? I could totally do it. Look at this body, it practically screams Morticia Addams." He smiled as he flexed his muscles a few times. "I'll even wear the makeup. For you."

"I never would've thought you'd be interested in drag." You chortled.

"You think I don't have it in me to be a hot goth girl?" He teased, his voice dropped low. "And for you? I'd be interested in anything. So, you down?"

You couldn't turn him down. The glimmer in his eyes was making your heart race.

"Next Halloween. I'll be Gomez..." You said with a dazed smile.

"I'm holding you to that." He said with a satisfied grin.

"Did you just know we were gonna hook up?" You questioned as you followed after Jean into his bedroom. More annoyed at yourself than him, really.

He chuckled as he yanked off the cloak of his costume and hurled it over the armchair, revealing the black t-shirt and jeans he wore underneath.

"Yes." He said triumphantly. "I saw my gorgeous girl and I knew."

You sat on the edge of the bed. It'd only been a summer away, one season. But his body looked a bit different.

"Did you go somewhere hot?" You asked, referring to the tan.

"Yeah, went to Cali for two weeks." He said as he began to pull his shirt over his head, revealing his muscular physique. "You?"

"Oh, nothing much. Just wallowed in my room to OK Computer."

"Jesus fuckin' Christ." Jean said with a wince. "Y/N, I'm sorry."

"I love how the idea of me wallowing to Radiohead is emitting that level of disgust from you."

"Yeah. I fucked up, huh baby?" He sighed as he kneeled again, between your knees. "Will you let me make it up to you?" He murmured as he unzipped the bodysuit and kissed along your shoulders and neck.

You nodded as your eyes fluttered shut at the feather-light kisses on your bare skin.

"I need to hear you say something, baby." Jean said lowly as he cupped your face in his large hand.

"Please..." You sighed, goosebumps all over your skin.

"Please what? Use your words, huh?" He said, making your brows furrow.

"Stop being annoying." You snapped.

"Sorry, sorry. It's just funny to get under your skin." He chuckled as he got up. You moved back until you hit the headboard and he hovered over you, with a grin.

"I hope you don't mind me taking my time." He said softly as he stroked your cheek.

You ran your fingers through his hair as he kissed your neck before finding your lips with his mouth and pulling you in close. His fingers digging into the plump flesh of your skin. Afraid he'd lose you again.

Your tongues intertwined as you embraced in a long, deep, intimate kiss that made you both moan.

"You missed me, huh?" You teased, when the two of you laid in the sheets, out of breath.

"You have no idea, Y/N." He whispered as he kissed the spot underneath your ear. "Can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead." You mumbled.

"You said you didn't see anybody during our break up, so what did you do...when you had needs? Huh?"

You wanted to roll your eyes. This was definitely Jean's insecurity all over again.

"Why do you wanna hear me talk about touching myself so bad, you perv?" You scolded.

"I'm just curious!" He pouted.

"That don't work with your grown ass." You snapped as you pushed his face away.

"Baby, please."

"Fine. Yes."

"To what?"

"Jean, now you're taking the piss." You barked.

"Please, please..." He whined as he nuzzled the juncture between your neck and shoulder.

"Fine! To the videos you used to send me!"

"That's wrong and you know it." He told you off but he clearly was proud of himself.

"Whatever. We made too many weird videos anyway." You snorted at the memory.

"Maybe we should film more, huh?" He grinned.

"Dunno, baby." You said as you stroked his cheek. "What if they got leaked around campus, huh?"

"Then I'd find out who leaked them and break their legs with a tire iron." He said with a chuckle as he kissed underneath your jawline.

"I forgot how unhinged you are." You sighed with a giggle.

author’s note: city girls down -500 dedicated to one of my fave fics hehe but if u reached dis far ty for reading 💓

#jean kirstein x reader #jean kirstein angst #jean kirstein fluff #aot x reader #aot x black!reader #aot x black y/n #aot x female reader #⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ nara scribbles

129 notes · View notes

ohimsummer · 2 years

Text

content: angst?, jean x reader, canonverse, hurt/comfort, kind of proofread

An eerie feeling churns in your stomach; you throw suspicious glances around the long hallway you’re lurking in as you approach your room. Something isn’t right.

The off feeling only weighs heavier in your stomach as you draw closer to your door. There’s a sinister silence filling this side of the building, and you can somehow sense that whatever is causing it is in your room. You secretly hope that Jean can ease your worries — his contagious laugh and playful smile always melt away your tensions after a long day of training. You can’t wait to surprise him by finishing up early. ‘He’ll be so glad.’ Though the upcoming meeting with Jean is right behind your bedroom door, your excitement to see him does nothing to alleviate the uneasiness plaguing your mind.

You turn the knob to your room, a prominent ‘click’ from the knob sounding your arrival, and the door opens quietly. The room is nearly pitch black, save for a few faltering rays of the sunset sneaking through your open window. You step inside and skim over the interior. Jean would be on your bed, or at your desk, or some place where he could see you come in. He’d even occasionally wait outside your door. His absence only makes your nerves worse.

Movement in the corner of the room catches your eyes. A tuft of hair barely visible on the other side of your bed. Is he sitting on the floor? Maybe he wanted to try and scare you? You’re not convinced, but it’s the only explanation that comes to mind.

Heart rattling in your chest, you approach Jean on the other side of your bed. Shadows colour his face, but you can just make out the miserable frown on his lips. His head is tilted towards the floor, knees pulled up to his chest, and hands pressed hard against his ears. You shuffle over until you’re in front of his cowering form, and kneel down on the floor. The sight of him breaks your heart; he looks like a scared little child.

“Jean?”, you whisper, hands finding their way to cover his own. He flinches at your touch, and it sends shivers down your spine.

His eyes flicker open, gaze slowly rising as he takes in your presence.”Baby?”, he whispers back.”What are you doing back so early?”

“Nevermind that,” you say firmly, studying his expression.”What happened? What’s wrong? Why are you curled up on the floor, Jean, are you okay?”

He looks at you, and you notice the way his bottom lip trembles. Something is horribly wrong. You’ve only seen Jean cry a handful of times, and it was usually when something devastating happened. You’ve only caught him once, however, isolated with hands clasped over his ears.

“Is it him again?” You ask the question gently, careful not to set him off.

Jean gives you a nod and, even with the dim light filling the room, you can see the reflection of tears beginning to trail down his cheeks. You instantly pull him into a hug, plopping down beside him as he leans against you, and then drops down to lay his head in your lap. His body stutters and low, broken sobs escape him. One hand on his shoulder, you use the other to lightly massage his scalp and rub fingers through his hair. Jean has a tight grip on your calf as he buries his face in your lap. The wetness of his tears seep through your pants, but you don’t mind. The annoyance is totally drowned out by the sympathy and comfort you exhibit to your boyfriend, too caught up in trying to ease his sorrow to care about some small stain in your clothes.

The sky is pitch black when Jean finally sits up. He doesn’t meet your eyes, ashamed and a little embarrassed.

“Hey.” You murmur and place a careful hand under his chin.”It’s okay, Jean. I’ll always be here for you. You don’t have to be scared to be vulnerable around me, love.”

He finally meets your gaze, eyes glassy and cheeks flushed from crying. Jean’s arms find themselves around your waist, and he tucks his face into the crook of your neck as he pulls you into a hug.”Thank you, baby. I love you. So much.”

Lips place light kisses on his neck, ear, anywhere they can reach.”I love you too, Jean. Don’t ever forget that.”

#jean angst #jean kirstein imagine #jean kirschtein x reader #jean x reader #jean kirstein #jean kirstein angst #jean x reader angst #jean x reader fluff #jean kirschtein fluff #jean kirstein x reader #snk angst #snk fluff #aot x reader #aot x reader angst

304 notes · View notes

braunbakery · 2 years

Text

true norwegian black metal

☞ jean kirstein x fem reader [ one-shot word count: 1.1k]

☞ sfw, angst angst angst, canon-verse

☞ plot: the pain that comes with jean not loving you back always seems worth it, even when it really isn't.

☞ inspired by true norwegian black metal by sprain

☞ true norwegian black metal

jean does not love you.

“come in,” he says to you after he swings open the door and you take a moment too long to register that he is looking at you. you follow after him carefully, like every step you take into his house is sending you deeper into the unrequitedness of it all (like you haven’t been here before. like you haven’t memorised the wood grain in his floor boards).

you wish you could say it is for the kind of reasons that can somewhat ease the pain of the cracking in your heart and the discord in your head. that he is still too immature, that he does not know what love is, that he is not ready to love someone. but it’s not the case, and it will never be the case.

“take off your shoes,” jean suggests welcomingly. he does this each time you’re over, and you don’t know why you always need to be told at this point. maybe you are hanging onto any sentiment of fondness from him. maybe you are too busy watching him.

you follow him into his kitchen and watch him routinely grab the kettle.

he talks of the 104th sometimes. he talks of this new life of his, he talks of what he did in the morning and what he wants to do for the next. in darker moments he speaks of titans and war, and you think it is more to himself than to you.

and sometimes he speaks of mikasa and your head hurts when you notice the unmistakeable regret in his eyes when her name softly rolls off his tongue. you have known him for years, yet every time you see him he makes you feel something new (something worse).

“what about you? what’s going on with you?” jean inquires between sips of tea. you have nothing to say. there is something so pathetic about how you are so willing to sit and be talked at by him, with nothing of your own to comment or share. and there is something so pathetic about how you don’t really care.

“nothing, really. same old,” you say. and jean nods. it’s not that you don’t want to tell him about your life, or that there is nothing to say. but the thought of baring yourself to him and him still not loving you or even considering you is one you know will be the final straw. you are not quite ready to be fully broken down yet.

this time he is slightly off (not that he will ever be fully focused and enamoured in you and what you have to say). he seems sad (you know for certain he is, at this point the guessing and analysing is just a way for you to convince yourself that you are not as hopelessly in love with him as you really are. you are never truly convinced).

he talks and you talk and the sun sets and it's time to go, and you are already mentally preparing yourself for the way you are about to rip yourself into bits over him when you get home. and for the way the knowledge that he is just going to go to bed, another day done, and peacefully fall asleep is going to hurt you.

you open the door to leave, and you choke on your own goodbyes when he grabs your wrist from behind you. when you turn around his eyes are frantically scanning yours, like he’s looking for something. you know he’s never going to find it but you stand there watching him anyway.

(jean does not love you.)

you pull him into your embrace and he immediately sinks into it. you don’t know what is going on with him, but you know there is something. you know he is not going to say it. and you know he is going to use you to try get over it. and you know you’re going to let him.

(jean does not love you.)

when you pull away, he looks at you longingly. longing for someone else, for something else. the disappointment in his eyes is worse than the sadness, and you know he is silently wishing that you were more than just the placeholder you are for him now.

he kisses you and it is empty. there is no rush of relief, no tension broken, no smile against your mouth and no hand on his jaw. you stand and let him take what he wants from you, because you have accepted that this is all you are ever going to get from him.

(jean does not love you.)

“see you again soon,” he says after pause when you both pull away. he can’t even look you in the eye. maybe that’s for the best. you nod at him and turn your back.

jean does not love you. and jean does not know how even when he stands in front of you, even when he speaks to you, you miss him.

you miss him so much that it hurts your chest and your throat. it feels as if you are being scraped raw, like your insides are drying up and being carved out, like they are slowly falling into whatever hollowness has made its home in your body. it is a sinking feeling, it is a flooding feeling, you are choked up and you are empty.

you miss him so much it feels as if it is all you are made for. you miss him so much that it is hard to remember a time before you did. you miss him so much that all you can do is hope that this never stops, and that the debris and damaged goods he has rendered you into is a state that you will forever remain in because it is the only remnant of him you will ever have. it feels as if you are sick. you are diseased.

he will never kiss you again, and even though you are so painfully aware that you are not what he is looking for and he is simply lonely and lamenting over lost time with another, you wish he would. are you not even enough to be used more than once? will he not try again? perhaps he wasn’t looking hard enough? perhaps something has changed in you between then and now? (you know nothing has changed. but you are probably going to keep holding on to him forever).

and the worst part is that you still see him.

the worst part is that he still opens his door and smiles at you distantly.

“come in,” he says.

you take off your shoes.

taglist;

@saramelcky,@chxrlynn,@akaashisluv,@xadist @dai-tsukki-desu@papiibuprofen, @chiaradhea, @unicornlover25 @queen-flower @sofijaeger @esdexath @itskoushi @sweetd4isy @kakashihatakesbaby @okgaby7 @stxrrielle @6sakusa @eren-jeager-simp-again @sakurashell @littlemochi @sweetlilhoshi @gunnedrobin @kennyackermanswhore @deafeningcloudlampmonger

reply to this post if you want to be a part of the taglist!

#jean x reader #jean kirstein x reader #jean kirschtein x reader #aot x reader #aot fic #jean fic #jean angst #jean kirstein angst #aot angst #snk x reader #snk fic #snk angst

133 notes · View notes

euorian-pdf · 2 months

Text

PT 3 "I'm falling on my knees, Forgive me, I'm a fucking fool"

⋆｡˚୨୧˚｡⋆synopsis: Being trapped in Levi's 'family gathering' event by a snowstorm takes a unexpected turn as past hidden truth finally reveal themselves.

⋆｡˚୨୧˚｡⋆contains: modern au! everyone, grovelling!eren, connie x reader, levi x reader, eren x reader. everyone is alive and well.

⋆｡˚୨୧˚｡⋆wc: 7.9K.

⋆｡˚୨୧˚｡⋆tw: swearing, manipulation mentioned.

⋆｡˚୨୧˚｡⋆ Here is: part 1 and part 2

“Are you gonna keep staring at that window?” Mikasa asks crossing her arms as she addresses you and your attitude. You’re still facing the window contemplating which storm you’d rather be in but you remember the promise you made to your friends, that you wouldn’t leave where you currently are until the storm dies down. You tug on your shirt, fidgeting with the cotton design as you wonder how you’re going to get through this mess.

“Hello, do I know you?”

You know it’s a lame attempt but all the guests are still here and the last thing you want is for a confrontation or a fight between you and them. You see Historia scoff, Ymir smirk, Sasha gasping and a hand to her mouth as if what you just said was a grave sin, Jean unimpressed, Connie crossing his arms and raising his eyebrows in a manner of ‘are you fucking for real right now’ and Eren still staring at you, eyes mixed with multiple emotions ranging from guilt, confusion, anxiety, and yearning.

“You’re not fucking funny.” Historia begins rolling her eyes at you as she stares at you disinterested in your whole act. You constantly remind yourself to be the bigger person and not nitpick on certain sentences that rub you off the wrong way.

“I wasn’t trying to be funny, I’m Levi’s friend, it’s nice to meet you all.”

You think that maybe by continuing the act, they will eventually move on and focus on something else. But your attempt to defuse the tension only seems to make things worse. Eren's gaze intensifies with guilt, and you can practically feel the weight of his unspoken words bearing down on you.

Mikasa steps forward, her expression unreadable as she studies you. "nice sense of humor you've developed" she comments dryly.

You offer a weak smile, feeling the pressure mounting with each passing second. "Well, there's a first time for everything, right?"

Before anyone else can respond adding fuel to the tension, Levi appears in the doorway, a concerned furrow in his brow as he takes in the scene before him. "What's going on here?"

You mentally thank Levi for intervening, grateful for the interruption. Mikasa gestures towards you with a subtle tilt of her head, and Levi's gaze follows her motion. You can see the confusion flicker across his features as he tries to make sense of the situation.

"Do you know these brats?" Levi asks, his tone a mixture of curiosity and suspicion as he turns to you for an explanation.

You can't bring yourself to lie to him and tell him you don't know each other. Levi's good at reading people, especially you and you'd hate to have this go in a roundabout so you come clean and tell him.

"Knew, I don't know them anymore," you say as you clasp your hands together and nod at them. You offer a small smile, perhaps more than they deserve, but you do so anyway. Then, without waiting for any further exchange, you pick up Levi's comedy book and grab him by his elbow, gently but firmly.

"Let's head to your office for a moment," you suggest, the urgency evident in your tone.

Levi gives you a questioning look, but he trusts your judgment enough to follow your lead without protest, well other than a small annoyed 'tch'. As you guide him through the crowd, you can feel the weight of multiple gazes on you ranging from confusion to jealousy, including, his silent curiosity hanging in the air.

You don't look behind your shoulder as you leave the dining area. Once you reach Levi's office, you close the door behind you, enveloping the space in a sense of privacy. You take a moment to compose yourself, gathering your thoughts before you turn to face Levi. You hold up the satirical book in front of him and wave it around.

"Didn't know you had a bone of humor in you, Levi."

"Cut the shit."

You huff, this man never fails to know when you're flat-out lying. You pause for a moment, caught off guard by Levi's directness. His sharp gaze pierces through your facade, leaving you feeling exposed and vulnerable. Taking a deep breath, you lower the book, the playful wave forgotten in the face of Levi's seriousness.

"Okay, fine," you give up, dropping the act. "I just wanted to lighten the mood up a bit."

Levi eyes you skeptically, his expression unreadable. "And how's that working out for you?"

You sigh as you stare at his bookshelf, you don't know what to do, it's like you've hit a wall, a large hard brick wall. You know you can't keep avoiding the elephant in the room, but you also dread the thought of addressing it head-on. You turn back to face Levi, mustering up the courage to broach the subject that has been hanging over you like an unexorcised spirit.

"I want this night to go well for you and for everyone, we've spent the whole day preparing and it's gonna suck if it gets ruined from something so trivial" You begin carefully choosing your words as you fidget around with the book unable to look him in the eyes.

"I'm not following." He says back. Levi's response catches you off guard, and you struggle to find the right words to convey your thoughts without sounding too dramatic or making the situation worse.

"Sorry, I thought we were on the same page." you begin, your voice slightly shaky unable to make an 'old man' joke about Levi's understanding problems. "I had a fallout with your cousin and her friends and I really don't want to confront or be confronted so I'm trying to keep things on low profile."

Levi's brows knit together in a mixture of concern and confusion as he processes your words. He leans back against his desk, folding his arms across his chest, a thoughtful expression crossing his features.

"You had a fallout with them?" Levi repeats, his tone laced with disbelief and questioning. "What happened?"

You shift uncomfortably under Levi's scrutinizing gaze, feeling the weight of the situation bearing down on you. You knew this conversation wouldn't be easy, but you hadn't anticipated just how difficult it would be to explain yourself to Levi, someone you've grown to respect and admire. Levi sees this and he doesn't want to intrude upon you and your feelings so he interjects before you can speak

"You don't have to tell me just rank it from 1-10."

You appreciate Levi's consideration, and his willingness to give you space to process your emotions. Taking a moment to collect your thoughts, you ponder Levi's question, mentally ranking the fallout with Eren and his friends on a scale of one to ten.

"Personally, I'd say an eight." you finally reply, your voice quiet but steady. "It made me want to leave states and go no contact so it was pretty serious then."

Levi nods, his expression thoughtful as he absorbs your answer. "And how serious is it now?"

You shrug your shoulders and smile a bit though the gesture feels somewhat forced given the weight of the situation.

"Nowhere near as serious as then, probably a 5 or a 3," you answer honestly, your voice soft but resolute. "I wouldn't be as outgoing as I am if I dwelled on the past."

Levi nods in understanding, his gaze is unwavering as he listens intently to your response. He is pretty proud of you, most people aren't capable of doing such a thing which makes Levi's expression soften, a hint of admiration gleaming in his eyes as he regards you but goes unnoticed by you obviouslyThough Levi would never openly express such sentiment, especially not to your face, he harbours a quiet respect for you, tucked away in the depths of his heart. But in moments like these, when he witnesses your unwavering resolve and beautiful forgiving spirit, it's impossible for him not to feel a sense of pride in your accomplishments.

Levi nods subtly, his gaze lingering on you for a moment longer before he redirects his attention to the task at hand. Despite his outward demeanor, you can't help but feel a sense of warmth emanating from him, a silent reassurance that he's there for you, even if he doesn't say it outright.

Levi clears his throat, breaking the silence that envelops the room. "Well, regardless of the past, I appreciate you being here tonight," he says, his tone gruff, low but sincere. "So, how do you want to go about it?"

You feel your heart internally sob at Levi's soft yet gruff

"I think the best action is to just keep a low profile," you suggest, your voice calm and measured. "I'm going to avoid any unnecessary confrontation and try to enjoy the night as much as possible."

Levi nods in understanding, his gaze steady as he listens to your plan. He respects your decision, knowing that sometimes the best course of action is to minimize conflict so he keeps a mental note in his mind to step in if things get out of hand, that's the least he can do for you for inconveniencing you for all this and practically being trapped because of the snowstorm.

Levi observes your demeanor, noting the relief evident in your posture and expression. There's a glimmer in your eyes that doesn't go unnoticed by him, a silent gratitude that speaks volumes. He's accustomed to people keeping their distance, to maintaining a certain level of detachment. Your openness catches him off guard, stirring something within him that he's not entirely comfortable with but he sort of. . . likes? He likes the way you bring out emotions in him that he's long since buried, the way you challenge his deadpans and stoic nature. He's uncertain about how to process it all but in the midst of this, there's something else bubbling in his chest… curiosity.

Meanwhile in the dining room

As Levi and you converse in his office, the atmosphere in the dining room remains tense, with whispers and side glances exchanged among the 'friend group'. Jean, unable to contain his disbelief, blurts out, "She's actually here?"

The room falls momentarily silent as all eyes turn towards Jean. His outburst breaks the thin veneer of composure that had settled over the gathering, and the tension ratchets up another notch.

Eren, sitting nearby, shifts uncomfortably in his seat. His gaze flickers between Jean and the door, where he knows you and Levi are having your conversation. There's a mix of emotions swirling within him – guilt, regret, and a longing to bridge the void that has formed between you and his group of friends.

Connie, though visibly annoyed by the disruption, can't help but feel a twinge of relief at the sight of you. Despite the fallout and the unresolved issues, he's glad to see you back again, even if it's under less-than-ideal circumstances.

Sasha, ever the empathetic one, senses the tension in the air and immediately decides to take action. She pulls out her phone, shooting a quick message to Armin and the others to inform them about your unexpected appearance.

Meanwhile, Mikasa remains silent, her expression unreadable as she watches the unfolding drama. She knows that things between you and Eren's group are far from resolved, and she's unsure of what to expect next.

Connie, unable to contain his frustration any longer, rises from his seat with a pointed glare at Eren. "Must be nice," he says, loud enough for those nearby to hear, "acting like you're the victim when you're the one pulling the strings."

The room falls into an uncomfortable silence as Connie's words hang in the air, the tension palpable between him and Eren. Eren's friends shift uncomfortably, unsure of how to respond to Connie's passive-aggressive accusation. They all know it's somewhat true and that makes things even worse.

Mikasa steps forward, her voice calm but firm. "Let's not do this here," she says, her eyes darting between Connie and Eren. "We'll talk about it later when we can all sit down and have a proper conversation."

"Oh? When is that, Mikasa? When the storm dies down and [Name] is long gone?" Connie retorts back, rolling his eyes at Mikasa's usual protective behavior of Eren regardless of whether he's wrong or right.

Connie refuses to back down, his frustration simmering beneath the surface. "I'm just saying it how it is," he replies, his tone tinged with sarcasm. "We all know who's really at fault here."

Eren shifts uncomfortably in his seat, his guilt weighing heavily on him as he avoids meeting anyone's gaze. He knows he needs to say something, to address the tension that hangs in the air like a heavy fog, but the words slip past him.

"Let's not make this any messier than it already is," Jean interjects, his tone a mix of concern and exasperation.

Connie's frustration boils over as he shoots back at Jean, his voice laced with bitterness. "You're no fucking better, so zip it"

Jean's brows furrow in response to Connie's biting remark, a flash of hurt crossing his features before he regains his composure. "I'm trying to prevent things from escalating," he retorts, his voice strained but firm. "We don't need any more drama tonight."

Connie's frustration simmers beneath the surface as he takes a deep breath, attempting to quell the turmoil raging within him. He can't shake the feeling of longing that gnaws at his insides, the ache of missing you, and the camaraderie you once shared. You were more than just a friend to him; you were his confidante, his partner in crime, his rock to his roll. The image of you replaying in his mind even though you're just in another room, he's determined to bring back the bond you once had. With a sigh, he realizes that confronting Eren won't solve anything; it'll only add fuel to the fire.

Kuchel strides into the room with Carla at her side, her presence commanding attention as she surveys the scene before her. With a warm smile, she claps her hands together, her voice filled with enthusiasm.

"Alright, children," she begins, her tone light but firm. "Us elders need instructions on how to play this Gen-Z game."

Kuchel's playful demeanor brings a sense of levity to the room as she playfully teases the younger guests. With a mischievous twinkle in her eye, she takes Eren by the hand, her grip firm but gentle as she leads him toward the table.

"You're a smart one, Eren," she says, her voice filled with pride. "I'm sure you can teach us a thing or two about this game."

Eren is flustered at the unexpected praise, feeling a sense of validation from Kuchel's words. He nods pathetically, grateful for the opportunity to teach them.

As they approach the table, Kuchel turns her attention to the rest of the group, her smile widening as she takes in their eager expressions.

"Alright, everyone," she announces, her voice carrying across the room. "Let's get seated and ready to play. And where is my dear son? Oh, and pretty Miss [Name]"

The group exchanges glances, realization dawning on them as they remember Levi's absence. Mikasa speaks up, her voice tinged with concern. "They're in the office, Auntie. I'll go get them."

Kuchel nods in acknowledgment, her focus already shifting back to the game at hand. "Alright. Thank you, dear. Let's get started, shall we? They can join us later."

Mikasa doesn't eavesdrop or even linger around, she swiftly makes her way to the office, knocks loud enough for the both of you to hear and tells you 'Auntie Kuchel wants us to play a game'.

Kuchel suggests playing "Never Have I Ever," and the group reacts with a mix of nerves and curiosity. Despite the tension in the room, they all agree to give it a shot, hoping it'll help take their minds off the underlying conflicts. So far, most of the elderly family members have gone upstairs with the help of Carla as the journey here was already exhausting. So the people left huddled in a circle in the living room are just, Carla, Connie, Eren, Historia, Jean, Kuchel, Mikasa, Sasha, and Ymir.

As you and Levi enter the room, you're immediately met with a wall of tension that seems to thicken the air. The stares from Sasha and her friends feel like daggers, their unspoken feelings hanging heavy in the room.

Kuchel, ever the peacemaker, takes charge of the situation, her velvety voice cutting through the tension like a knife. "Make room, children," she commands, her tone firm but gentle. "[Name], come sit next to me, sweetie."

Relieved by the distraction, you follow Kuchel's welcome, making your way to the vacant seat beside her and Levi who also sits next to you. The warmth of her presence is a welcome respite from the tense reception you've received from the others.

Once settled, Kuchel suggests they continue their game of "Never Have I Ever," sensing the need for a lighthearted distraction. The group hesitates for a moment, still reeling from the revelations of the previous rounds, but ultimately lets it happen, as it happens to be the only thing able to break the palpable tension in the room. Little did they know.

As Kuchel suggests starting the game in a circular motion, the tension in the room thickens, a palpable weight settling over each person as she hands out paddles with text written on both sides' I HAVE' and 'I HAVE NEVER'. Historia, with her cautious yet bright smile, is the first to respond, her eyes betraying her bright attitude.

"Sure!" She exclaims clasping her hands together before thinking of a funny one. "Never have I ever Googled myself."

As Historia makes her playful admission, a small chuckle escapes the lips of those gathered around the table. Carla, with a playful glint in her eye, leans forward, her voice teasing yet affectionate.

"Well, aren't you just the little celebrity," Carla quips, her tone lighthearted. "Not all of us have the luxury of Googling ourselves without stumbling upon a million fan pages."

As the paddles flip to reveal the responses, a mix of amusement and curiosity dances in the air. Connie, Eren, Historia, Jean, and Sasha all sheepishly display their "I HAVE" paddles, their confessions met with knowing glances and playful teasing from the others. While you and the rest flip to 'I HAVE NEVER'. You feel thankful as the tension dies down, all you need is to get through this one night and finally go home.

It's now Sasha's turn. Sasha takes a moment to ponder her confession, a mischievous glint in her eyes as she considers her options. Finally, with a sly grin, she flips her paddle to reveal her chosen statement.

"Never have I ever eaten food off someone else's plate without asking," Sasha announces, her voice filled with playful mischief.

A chorus of laughter erupts around the table as everyone reveals their responses. Sasha, Jean, and Connie proudly display their "I HAVE" paddles, and their confessions are met with good-natured teasing from the others. Meanwhile, you and a few others confidently hold up your "I HAVE NEVER" paddles, relishing the opportunity to maintain a sense of innocence amidst the playful chaos.

Next, it's Jean's turn. His mind seemingly drifting away from the tension of the moment, clears his throat before settling on a confession. With a mischievous glint in his eye, he speaks up.

"Never have I ever been arrested."

You watch as Sasha, Connie, Ymir, and Eren?slowly flip their paddles to reveal the "I HAVE" side, their expressions a mix of amusement and defiance. Meanwhile, you and a handful of others maintain your innocence, holding steadfast to the "I HAVE NEVER" side.

"So, explain.."Historia nudges, her voice gentle but curious, as all eyes turn to Ymir, Sasha, Connie, and Eren, awaiting their response.

"I accidentally ate an art piece when I thought it was actual food," Sasha confesses with a sheepish grin, her eyes sparkling with amusement as she recalls the embarrassing incident.

"We were literally at a museum, you did it on purpose," Connie interjects, his tone teasing but affectionate as he playfully nudges Sasha with his elbow.

"I accidentally got arrested, someone swatted me and that caused me to get arrested while on stream, so there's that," Connie recalls.

Sasha reaches out, laying a hand on Connie's arm. "I remember that," she says softly, her voice laced with sympathy and a small chuckle. "It was so awful, you had like so many bruises after that"

Connie replies with a small 'yeah' and you feel bad, people can be real scum, you think wondering if Connie had laughed it off or dwelled on it.

"I got deliberately arrested, I punched an asshole who deserved it so no regrets" Eren confesses, shrugging as he fidgets with his bracelet, and your eyes widen as you recognize it. It's the azure frog bracelet you custom made for him on his birthday and told him you specifically found the hex color of his eyes and your eyes combined and made the bracelet with the exact same color with charms that read 'friends forever' and 'always together'.

"He's always been the rebellious type," Carla remarks with a soft chuckle, her tone tinged with fondness as she regards Eren. "Punching someone is the least of our worries if I'm being honest."

Eren shrugs nonchalantly, his expression betraying a hint of defiance. "He had it coming," he mutters under his breath, his gaze flickering briefly to you and widening as he sees you looking back at him as he immediately looks back down on the floor to prevent his stomach from churning feelings.

Kuchel clears her throat, wanting to keep the game going. "Well, isn't this a lively game?" she says, her voice light and cheerful, though you can detect a hint of concern beneath the facade. "Let's keep it moving, shall we?"

It's now Connie's turn.

"Never have I ever…" Connie seems to be in a state of indecisiveness, not knowing whether to confront you discreetly in this game or just keep it going. He decides on the former, obviously, Connie isn't Connie without stirring something up. "Abandoned my friends over a misunderstanding."

As Connie's words hang in the air, a hush falls over the table, the weight of his confession palpable amidst the tense atmosphere. His gaze lingers on you for the entire time, almost attacking you in a way, a silent challenge hidden within the depths of his eyes, before he flips his paddle to reveal the "I HAVE NEVER" side and smirks.

So does Eren, Jean, Mikasa, Sasha, Ymir, Historia, Kuchel, Carla, Levi, and obviously you. You've never done that, and you don't know what he's implying, but whatever it is, you hope he stops it.

"You should put that down, [Name]." Connie provokes, his voice low as his eyes never leave yours, he's content like this, gazing into your eyes and mentally taking a picture of how pretty you look, his eyes holding a depth of emotion that you struggle to decipher.

"I have never done such a thing, so I'll leave it up thanks." You reply firmly, your tone tinged with a hint of defiance. Despite the tension crackling between you, you stand your ground, unwilling to back down in the face of Connie's provocation.

"Are you sure?" Connie's question hangs in the air, his gaze piercing as he awaits your response. You feel the weight of everyone's stare on you as you try to understand at what he's hinting at, but you fail. It's too vague, too foggy to see clearly.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"Alright, I'll change my play then," Connie replies, giving up confronting you and turning his head to the side to glare at Eren. " Never Have I Ever, made someone abandon their friends over a misunderstanding." He says emphasizing each word of the game.

As Connie redirects his question towards Eren, the tension in the room thickens once again. Eren's expression tightens, his jaw clenching as he meets Connie's gaze with a mixture of defiance and unease. The atmosphere becomes charged with anticipation, each person holding their breath as they wait for Eren's response. Eren feels guilty, yes, however, he also hates the position Connie has put him in, with no way out.

Connie starts, flipping his paddle to 'I HAVE NEVER', and everyone else follows suit Now all that is left is Eren, and his mother being his mother can't help but want to interject in between this whole ordeal but gets stopped by Kuchel who whispers something to her that calms her down and makes her rethink her judgement.

Eren hesitates for a moment, his eyes flickering with conflicting emotions. Finally, he flips his paddle to reveal the "I HAVE" side, his confession echoing loudly in the silence that follows.

"Go on then, tell the story." Connie prompts, his voice cutting through the silent and tense atmosphere like a knife. His eyes glared into Eren's side profile, sarcastic yet tinged with a hint of curiosity about how this would all play out.

"I. . ." Eren hesitates, his voice barely above a whisper as he gathers his thoughts. The weight of everyone's stare feels like a physical pressure on his shoulders, pressing him to reveal the truth, to confront the past he'd rather forget.

"It was a few years back," Eren begins, his voice strained with emotion. "I created a misunderstanding between someone close to me and the rest of my friends by manipulating an audio out of its original context, I was selfish and wanted everything about them to myself, their darkest secret, their secret hobbies, the little things that make them happy, I wanted that all to be confided in me, so I thought if I make her hate everyone else, maybe they'd promote me to being their best friend instead of just a friend."

As Eren's words hang in the air, a heavy silence settles over the room, each syllable of his confession echoing with the weight of his regret. You're practically hugging the tension by now, it's thick. You look at Eren as he pours his heart out, confessing to his crimes and hoping to be accepted again.

"And it totally backfired, The person I longed for, the person I wanted all to myself was gone within a few days, I gained nothing and lost everything," Eren continues, his voice trembling with emotion. "I let my own insecurities and desires cloud my judgment, and in doing so, I created a huge void between the friendship of many."

His admission is met with a mixture of reactions from those gathered around the table. Mikasa's expression softens with understanding, while Connie's features harden with resentment. Sasha looks on with a mixture of sympathy and disappointment, her gaze shifting between Eren and the others. You put two and two together, this is about you. This whole thing is about you,

"So yes, I did make someone abandon their friends over a misunderstanding, and yes, I dread it every day," Eren's voice wavers with the weight of his admission. His eyes flicker briefly to yours, a silent plea for forgiveness hidden within their depths, before he averts his gaze, unable to bear the intensity of the moment. "But if I had the chance to undo it all, I'd probably revert time back to when we were strangers so that I'd never be able to hurt them."

That hits you hard, you never thought he felt that way and blamed himself to that severity. You're just as awful as him, you never double-checked on your friends, you just went along with whatever Eren had manipulated leaving behind everyone. This includes Connie who looks at you to see the realisation form in your eyes and face. He smiles a genuine smile for the longest time in a while. He doesn't blame you one bit, all he wants is for you to come back.

"I'm sorry, truly. I'll head to bed first." Eren says, his voice filled with remorse as he rises from the floor. His gaze lingers on you for a moment, a silent plea for understanding evident in his eyes, before he turns and makes his way out of the room. His mother and Mikasa are quick to follow after him, this causes Historia, Ymir, and Sasha to also bid their goodnights to the Kuchel and go to their designated rooms for the night.

"Poor kids, the lot of you, hope you all figure it out peacefully." Kuchel begins before ruffling Levi's head and giving you a side hug. "I'm also a bit tired, so goodnight children."

As the others disperse for the night, leaving only Connie, Jean, you, and Levi in the room, a heavy silence settles over the space. The events of the evening weigh heavily on everyone's minds, casting a somber mood over the atmosphere.

Levi is the last to leave, mustering the courage to pat your back a bit. "I'll be in my office." if you need anything is what he leaves out but you understand, you finish it off for him in your head.

With a nod of gratitude directed to him, you watch him leave as he heads to his office. You make a mental reminder to tell him to go to bed later on.

"So now you know the truth," Jean begins, his voice somber as he looks at you with a mixture of sympathy and concern. "I'm sorry you had to hear all that tonight. It must be a lot to take in."

"Yeah a bit, but what's worse is having to see Eren blame himself that much over a trivial misunderstanding," you explain, frustration creeping into your voice.

"I'm sorry, what?" Connie scoffs, shaking his head as he looks at you with utter confusion written on his face. "Trivial? the same trivial that made you go no contact for 4 fucking years, [Name]."

"It wasn't trivial then," you admit, your voice softening as you recall the pain of those years. "Back then, my whole world was crumbling, but now it is trivial."

"Makes sense, I'm guessing you've evolved as 10 times more wonderful as you were before," Jean comments, his tone sincere as he offers you a supportive smile.

"It wasn't trivial for me, not all of these years, not one bit," Connie interjects, his voice firm and sincere, his eyes locked with yours. The weight of his words hangs heavily in the air as you curse yourself for your choice of words.

"Of course, I'm sorry," you respond, your voice softening with remorse. "In my eyes, you were in the wrong, not me, so it was easy to push myself past it. But since you're not anymore, I can't imagine how it must've been for you."

"When you apologize so sincerely, it's hard for me to stay mad at you," Connie admits, his tone softening as he looks at you with a mixture of relief and understanding. There's a glimmer of forgiveness in his eyes, a silent reassurance that he's willing to let go of the past and move forward with you.

You feel a weight lift from your shoulders at his words, a sense of gratitude washing over you for his willingness to forgive. "You've always been soft-hearted so no surprise there." you chuckle, grateful for his understanding.

"So you're all famous, how'd that miracle happen?" you inquire, changing the subject to something lighter and joking with them.

Connie chuckles, scratching his head. "Beats me, I just followed what me and you brainstormed on YouTube ideas and then instantly I gained views after view after views."

"Speaking of you, hope you won't sue us," Jean adds with a playful grin, "You practically produced every song on our albums"

"Well you know my name, isn't that enough credit?" you retort with a smirk, your tone lighthearted as you play along with the teasing.

"Apparently there's this whole law section to it, where we'd need to know where you are, your bank account, and other sticky law stuff."

"Right, well I can't really blame you then, Can I?" You yawn, feeling the fatigue creeping in after the long and emotionally charged evening. The weight of the day's events hangs heavily on your shoulders, and the warmth of nostalgia is slowly being replaced by the heaviness of exhaustion.

"Yeah, I guess not," Connie replies with a sympathetic smile, noticing your tired demeanor. "You should get some rest, [Name]. It's been a long day."

You stand up from the floor, feeling the weariness in your limbs as you stretch out the kinks from sitting for so long. With a tired but grateful smile, you nod at Connie and Jean, acknowledging their concern who are now also standing up.

"I need to catch up with Levi, so you guys go hit the beds first," you say, motioning towards the door. You feel a pang of guilt at the distance that has grown between you and your friends, wishing things could be as they once were, free of misunderstanding and conflict.

But before Connie and Jean can leave, you stop them in their tracks. "I'm sorry, Con," you say, your voice laced with sincerity as you reach out to hug them both tightly. "And you too, Jean. I've missed you guys more than words can say."

Connie and Jean return the hug with equal fervor, their embrace a comforting reminder of the bond you once shared. "I missed you more," Connie murmurs, his voice soft with emotion. "Yeah, it's good to have you back," Jean adds, his tone warm and welcoming.

"Okay, goodnight y'all before you make me cry," you say with a chuckle, trying to lighten the mood as tears threaten to well up in your eyes. With a final squeeze, you release Connie and Jean from the hug, feeling a sense of warmth and gratitude wash over you at their understanding and forgiveness.

As they bid you goodnight and head off to their rooms, you watch them go with a renewed sense of hope and determination. You sigh in amazement at how everything is all aligned together, almost pre-written.

You head to Levi's office, but before you can enter, you notice the balcony door open, inviting in a chilly breeze from the snowstorm dying down. Your curiosity gets the best of you, and you find yourself drawn to the balcony, wondering who might be there and what might they be doing out there. With cautious steps, you approach the door and peek outside, finding Eren standing against the railing, gazing out into the night sky smoking a cig.

You hesitate at the threshold, the cool night air swirling around you as you watch Eren, his silhouette outlined against the moonlit sky. There's a heaviness in the air, a palpable tension that hangs between you, unspoken words lingering in the space like ghosts of the past.

You take a moment to gather your thoughts, unsure of how to proceed. Part of you wants to retreat, to leave Eren to his solitude and spare yourself the agony of confronting the memories that flood your mind at the sight of him. But another part of you, a stubborn and persistent part, urges you to stay, to face him head-on and finally address the unresolved issues that have haunted you for so long.

As you step onto the balcony, the sound of your footsteps seems to echo in the quiet night air. Eren turns as he hears you approach, his movements stiffening as he stubs out his cigarette and mumbles an apology. His attempt to leave is met with your firm resolve, and you reach out to close the door behind you, cutting off any chance of escape.

"Eren, wait," you say, your voice steady despite the turmoil raging within you. "We need to talk."

He hesitates, his hand hovering over the door handle, his expression guarded as he meets your gaze. There's not much tension between you, he just feels guilty and the presence you're presenting yourself is welcoming and forgiving.

He nods slowly, his expression serious as he takes a step closer to you. "I know," he says, his voice tinged with regret. "There are things I need to say, things I need to apologize for."

"Let's do it then," you reply, your voice soft but resolute as you meet his gaze. "I'm listening."

Eren takes a deep breath, his eyes reflecting a tumult of emotions as he gathers his thoughts. "I want to apologize," he begins, his voice tinged with sincerity, guilt, and blame. "For everything. For the pain I caused you, for the misunderstandings, for the distance between us."

You feel a pang of sympathy at his words, recognizing the genuine remorse in his voice. "I appreciate your apology, Eren," you say, your tone gentle but firm. "But there's something I want you to understand."

He nods, his expression somber as he waits for you to continue.

"I honestly never blamed you or anyone else for that matter, yes I was a bit sad but I never held resentment against any of you. You shouldn't either."

Eren's somber expression softens, a flicker of surprise crossing his features at your unexpected confession. He takes a moment to process your words, his gaze searching yours for any hint of insincerity. Finding none, he lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding, a weight lifting from his shoulders at your forgiveness.

"I'd never forgive me," he murmurs, his voice tinged with anger, only ever directed at himself. "But I still feel responsible, you know? Responsible for the pain I caused you and everyone but mostly you, for the years that went by all because of my actions."

"I'm past that, Eren. You should be too. Learn how to forgive yourself in this process." Your words seem to strike a chord with Eren, his gaze softening as he listens to your reassurance. He takes a moment to absorb your advice, his expression thoughtful as he considers your words.

"If it was anybody else, I think it'd be a bit easier to forgive myself. But it's you, [Name], and you're thousands of worlds apart from anyone else." He confesses, eyes looking down at the floor of the balcony as he avoids your gaze.

"If we want to move past this, You need to come to terms with the fact that we all make mistakes, Eren. It's how we recover from them." You remind him, your words hanging in the air until Eren fully understands them.

He chuckles, still staring at the ground as he thinks about how truly amazing you are. He can't believe he ever let someone like you out of his grasp. You're so kind and loving and welcoming and… and just perfect. He feels the insides of his sides tingle, either from the cold breeze of the wind or his admiration for you, he's unsure but he knows that he now has the chance to hold on to you a little tighter, a second chance at being your friend and that's a blessing he'll never take for granted again.

"Promise?" You ask, tilting your head downwards to get a good look at him.

"Promise" He replies, his voice filled with conviction. He swears to himself that he'll never wrong you again, even if his life is on the line. He's serious about you and won't let any more mistakes deter him from you.

"Then, c'mere." You say softly, your voice carrying a tenderness that melts away the remaining tension between you. Without hesitation, Eren steps forward, closing the distance between you as you wrap your arms around him in a tight embrace.

He misses this, misses you so much even though you're right there. He begins to hate himself even more on how many years he's deprived himself of your presence and before you even know it, he's full-on sobbing onto your shoulder. You feel bad for cooing and smiling, but it's nice knowing that someone missed you so much, that they'd cry by the physical touch of yours. It's endearing, very much so.

At that moment, you realize the depth of his longing, the magnitude of his regret, and the weight of his guilt. It's a bittersweet revelation, one that fills you with empathy and compassion for him. Despite the pain he's caused, you can't help but feel a swell of affection for him, a desire to ease his suffering and heal his wounded heart.

"C'mon now, why are you crying?" You ask, your words tinged with playful sarcasm. Deep down, you know the reason behind his tears, but you want to lighten the mood and offer him some comfort in a more casual manner.

Eren lifts his head from your shoulder, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment as he wipes away his tears with the back of his hand. He chuckles softly, a hint of sheepishness in his expression as he meets your gaze.

"I missed you," he admits, his voice barely above a whisper. "A lot."

You smile at his confession, feeling your heart swell with warmth at his sincerity. Despite everything that's happened between you, his words touch you deeply, reminding you of the bond you share and the strength of your friendship.

"I missed you too," you reply softly, your voice filled with understanding and compassion. "And I won't ever do that again, communication is key from now on."

"You good?" You ask as he stares at you for a while, still wiping his tears away with the back of his hand.

"Yeah,

"Alright, wanna head to bed then?" you ask, offering him a gentle smile. He nods in response, and together you step back into the warmth of the room, the chilly night air replaced by the comforting embrace of the indoor temperature.

"I'll see you tommorow, Eren," You say luring him in for one last hug before biding goodbyes. "Goodnight"

"Goodnight, [Name]," Eren replies, returning the hug with a warmth that speaks volumes. As you part ways for the night, you feel a sense of peace settle over you, one you didn't know you needed until a few minutes ago. It comes with a nice sigh of relief. You decide to go check on Levi before heading towards your own bed for the night.

You quiety make your way to his office, careful not to startle him, if that's even possible. Your footsteps barely make a sound as you approach the door. With a gentle knock, you announce your presence before entering, not wanting to startle him if he's in the middle of something important. But he doesn't seem to reply.

You enter Levi's office and are met with the sight of him peacefully asleep at his desk. His usually stern expression is softened in slumber, and there's a faint hint of neutrality expressed on his face. For a moment, you're tempted to take a picture to capture this rare moment of vulnerability, but you resist the urge, not wanting to disturb him or break his boundaries.

Instead, you quietly approach his desk, careful not to make any noise that might wake him. You take in the sight of him sleeping, admiring the way his features relax in sleep and the way his steady breathing fills the room with a sense of calm. You contemplate brushing his locks from his eyes but decide against it knowing he wouldn't be too comfortable with that.

As much as you hate to disturb his rest, you know he'll be more comfortable sleeping in a proper bed. With great care, you lean down and place a gentle hand on his shoulder, giving him a light shake to rouse him from his slumber.

Levi," you say softly.

He stirs at your touch, blinking sleepily as he slowly wakes up. He looks up at you, his gaze turning neutral as he takes in your presence.

"You'll get cramps sleeping like that."

Levi blinks a few times, still groggy from his nap, before his gaze focuses on you. He takes in your words, a faint frown appearing on his face as he realizes the situation. He doesn't like that you caught him sleeping, he feels embarrassed, which is unlike him so he immediately jolts up from his sleeping position and stands up.

"I was only resting my eyes, I was about to go."

Levi's sudden movement startles you for a moment, but you quickly recover, sensing his discomfort. You can tell that he's trying to brush off the situation, his tone casual as he tries to downplay his embarrassment. You play it off with him, wanting him to be more comfortable.

"Yeah, okay." You play along, offering him a reassuring smile to ease his embarrassment. "Anyways, I'm heading to bed so goodnight."

Levi mutters a brief "Goodnight" under his breath before nodding in your direction. He doesn't linger on the moment, swiftly gathering his things and preparing to leave his office. You can sense his desire to retreat into the solitude of his own space, and you don't want to intrude any further on his privacy.

As you head up the stairs and to your own designated room for the night, you wonder how things have become what they are right now, it all started with a little bit of confrontation and then everything resolved itself lke a knot being undone. You hope that everything stays the way it is but knowing how life is, that's more of a wish than anything else. As you feel your eyes become heavy, you wonder what tomorrow has in its stalls for you.

notes: i accidentally deleted after posting it this but thank god i have backups! tysm for reading and let me know if i should end it like this with a small drabble on how things worked out or if you want to continue with it and see how the red carpet event goes... also let me know if you want to be in a taglist (which is honestly so surreal to me >_<;)

divider credits: @hitobaby

#-͟͟͞☆and you're reading the latest euorian's documents-͟͟͞☆#୨୧・euorian-pdf・୨୧ #eren x reader #jean kirstein x reader #aot #aot fanfiction #aot angst #connie springer #eren yaeger x reader #connie x reader #eren jaeger #eren jeager x reader #levi ackerman #levi ackerman x reader #levi aot #levi x reader

206 notes · View notes

mayariviolet · 3 months

Text

Wasteland, Baby!

summary: "I think if you really like someone, they shouldn't be a secret."

A new semester, but the same old faces. Your supposed best friend, Jean, returns from his trip to Hizaru after visiting his girlfriend with something important to say. But, after weeks of brushing you off, do you even want to listen?

cw: suggestive themes, but it's not too bad, friends to lovers but like really fast, implied/referenced cheating, emotional infidelity, college au, lots of angst and lots of comfort, kind of fluff at some point? very minor pieck finger x Jean Kirstein, jean kirstein x reader, no use of y/n, second person POV.

a/n: I originally uploaded this to my Ao3, but I decided that I want to upload my fics and one shots there and here on Tumblr! I uploaded this in November, so I think my writing has changed a lot since then! (see the end for more notes)

wc: 4.6k (I'm so chill, haha)

The winter air is bitingly cold, shaking the bones of the old apartment with its roaring winds. It's just after the holidays and the beginning of a new semester, but the weather still demands a cozy atmosphere. The grey skies and plump dark clouds loom in an overcast, threatening to burst at any second. Your apartment sits on the second floor of a heritage home close to the central downtown core of Trost. It's a reasonable distance from school but far enough of a commute to where the winter trek to campus makes you wonder if the location is worth it.

Despite lacking updated appliances, your apartment is full of character: three bedrooms, one washroom, and a small kitchen with a den all have chandeliers that constantly flicker. The thin coating of dust dances in the air, begging to be cleaned.

You and your roommates try to make do by decorating the hallways with pictures from your friend group throughout university, thrifted artwork, and Polaroids of everyone who has ever visited your apartment. A smaller section, next to the fridge, boasts pictures of everyone who is consequently banned from ever coming over again. Plants throughout the place desperately need watering after being neglected for three weeks.

Ignoring the obvious general house chores that need to be done, you pace back and forth in your room, neurotically checking your phone for any text from him.

Ugh, nothing.

Nonetheless, you send a hasty last-minute message to your roommate, giving her the courteous heads-up that someone's coming over. You throw your phone onto your bed, and it hits the surface with a soft thud. A faint notification dings down the hall.

"Sorry, who is coming over?!" Your roommate calls out from the kitchen, her voice travelling down the hallway and into your room, which faces the front of the old house, looking out to the main street. You furiously try to shuffle things around, straightening your bed and arranging your pillows and stuffed animals in the most respectable way possible as a twenty-something-year-old.

"Jean is coming over!"

She says something in response, but it's muffled by your thumping heart and the music blasting from your speaker. "What, man?! I can't hear you!"

Her heavy footsteps increase in volume until the swing of the door snaps your attention to Sasha, now standing under the archway. Her brows are furrowed with a mouth full of pancakes she'd been picking at.

"I said!" She closes the door and sits on your desk chair, pausing the obnoxiously on-the-nose folk song on your computer, "What are you doin'?"

You avert your eyes from Sasha's concerned gaze. "I have no idea what you're implying. Jean is just a friend. A good one." You murmur, straightening your back, trying to look busy by folding the same blanket repeatedly, never seeming to get it right.

"Sure..." She hums noncommittally, hoping the silence pressures you into justifying your self-destructive behaviour. The rattling windows let the warmth emitting from your heater escape, creating pools of condensation on the latch. The air is thick and quiet. Only the distant howling winds fill the silence.

"Look, we're just studying. We haven't seen each other since reading week cut me some slack." At this point, the blanket, unable to fold to your whims, is thrown at the foot of your bed, laying sloppily atop the cotton comforter. Gathering the books from your bag, you place them next to your computer. Sasha rolls the chair slightly, letting you organize the cluttered desk.

Sasha says your name sternly, "Really? You were nearly cryin’ on the phone when he told you he was flyin’ last minute to Hizaru over the holidays to surprise his girlfriend. While she was startin' her exchange."

“Well-”

“Girl, he cancelled the Christmas Market plans y’all made in advance.”

You sit across from her on your bed, wincing. You and Jean became friends in the second year of University when Sasha introduced you two at Hitch and Annie's party. At first, you didn't think he was anything special, just a guy who’s hot but tries way too hard to be nonchalant for someone with a short temper.

But over the last year or so, you became... close. Annoyingly close. Every time you felt your phone buzz, you prayed to God that it was a text or call from him.

Every shitty date you went on (which was quite often) came with a follow-up text to Jean. He would never let you finish typing out a debrief of the events before blowing up your phone with calls. And you did the same. It didn’t matter where, what time or who was around.

It wasn’t just stupid dating problems. Jean would drop everything to ensure you were okay, whether it was family stuff, school or a book that completely engrossed you; he would hang onto every word that escaped your lips.

That was until he got a girlfriend last semester who basically had an overlapping long-distance relationship with her high school boyfriend and Jean. Eventually, she broke things off with the other guy to date Jean seriously, much to your dismay. After a slew of texts and an eager call explaining that even though the timeline was a little hazy, he and Pieck were official. You congratulated him, hung up the phone and began praying to God that whatever notification arose was from anyone but him.

"Well... him and I hung out that one time we got crepes and went to a bookshop that he suggested before the reading week," she rolls her eyes so far you’re scared she’ll be able to see her brain. She shovels the last bit of breakfast into her mouth with a hard swallow. "AND! He agreed to come run errands with me, so..."

Sasha was so excited when she found out about your crush. Constantly saying things like, "Y’all text more than we do" or "He'll always pick up your calls no matter where or what's happenin', so obviously he wants you. He's never done that with Connie and me. It's always 'Do Not Disturb' from him."

But despite all the stolen glances and flirtations shared between you, his sudden relationship with Pieck blindsided you. So now Sasha and Mikasa are resigned to hearing your not-so-subtle moping on what could have been and how you try to gaslight yourself into believing that you're totally fine just being friends with Jean.

"Be serious. Who asked to hang out first?" Sasha asks, tying up her hair into a tight ponytail, crossing her arms, and sinking into her oversized hoodie. There's a beat that lasts way too long, so you reach over her, unpausing your music. Clicking shuffle a few times, the silence gets drowned out by sad pop songs.

"That time, me." She nods like she knows the answer; she rummages through the candy jar you keep by your desk, plucking out a miniature chocolate bar. "But this time, he asked to hang out."

Sasha pauses mid-opening the confection and raises her eyebrows inquisitively. You shrug your shoulders, raising your hands in mock defeat.

"He said he had something to tell me." You try and say in a matter-of-fact tone but can't keep the tight-lipped smile from turning into a grin.

"Hmm, okay." She continues unravelling the chocolate, inhaling the whole thing before grabbing another one. "Well, lemme know what he says; I'm curious about what he has to tell you this time."

You snatch the treat from her hands, and she pouts.

"Nothing is going to happen! He has a girlfriend." You unwrap the slightly melted and potentially expired chocolate and plop it into your mouth. Crumpling the garbage, you try to throw the wrapper into the trash, but it pathetically falls next to the bin, and you throw your head back, groaning.

Sasha scans your face, clearly a mix of annoyance and something else she can't quite make out. She picks up the wrapper and successfully places it in the trash before leaning back on your desk chair, swaying back and forth.

"Mhm... but you want somethin’ to happen, huh? What if he wants you so bad." She coos, trying to get a rise out of you. She knows this is counterintuitive, but she can't help it.

"That's why he's makin’ this long-ass commute downtown, so y’all can 'study' at our place instead of the library. While it's about to storm, too?!" Sasha does a 180 in her seat, mimicking an intense makeout session while making fake kissing noises.

"Stop Sash. It’s not going to," but you're cut off by the steady rapping of the tree branches and onslaughts of wind.

Sasha raises her hands, conceding. "Look, I know you said you're okay with being friends, and he didn't like reject you outright, but..." Moving from your desk, she wraps an arm around your tight shoulder, "Jean’s an idiot. Your happiness is more important to me. Even if he and I have been friends since high school."

You relax, finally leaning into the hug, and she gives you quick squeezes. "I promise whatever he and I will talk about; it's nothing throwing up and crying worthy."

Sasha rests her head atop yours, and you soak up each other's company before your phone dings, demanding your and Sasha's attention. It lights up with notifications, blocking the lock screen of you, Sasha, and Mikasa at a concert.

Jean Kirstein: Just got off the subway.

Jean Kirstein: Be there in 10 minutes!

Your heart begrudgingly flutters. Sasha sighs but never lets her arm fall off your shoulder. "Okay. I'mma be in the kitchen cleanin’ up. Might take a while ‘cause Niccolo stayed over last night and made a ton of food."

You jolt and lift your head to look at her, but Sasha's eyes are fixed on the door and pursing her lips. You try to crane your head to make eye contact, but she's looking everywhere but you.

"I can’t believe he’s makin’ me clean, sigh..." Her fake annoyance and puffed cheeks were betrayed by the blush creeping across her face.

"Ouu, is that what I heard last night?" You tease, "I thought Mikasa was sneaking Eren inside for another booty call." Sasha playfully shoves you and guffaws.

"Don't kill me. There's absolutely no reason for those two to be sneakin’ around when we all know they've been fucking." She rolls her eyes in amusement, and you chuckle before grabbing your phone to text Jean back.

You: Okay :) See you soon!

Before you can put the phone back down, another notification says Jean Kirstein loved a message.

Niccolo calls out to Sasha, and she chirps a "Comin’!" making her way to your door, opening it ever so slightly. Sasha spins around, still grinning.

"I think if you really like someone, they shouldn't be a secret."

***

Ding!

Jean Kirstein: Hereee

The speed at which you ran down the stairs to greet Jean was so embarrassing that you stood silently contemplating at the bottom of the stairs for a second. You give yourself a quick glance at the full-length mirror before heading to the door.

You can see Jean's face through the glass panes. He's looking at something on his phone, and you feel your phone buzzing in your pocket. You pull out your phone, look at the incoming call from Jean, and raise the notification to the door to get his attention. He finally sees you standing in front of him and cancels the call. His face is flushed pink, probably from the cold, you assume.

He's bundled up tightly in a black parka and beige corduroys, and his golden brown eyes are warm despite the snowflakes sitting atop his long eyelashes. You open the heavy mahogany door, inviting the January air to bite your cheeks.

"Hey." He smiles down at you. His voice is warm. It makes the weather outside seem less like winter winds and more like a spring breeze. Jean bends down, giving you a tight squeeze around your whole body like you haven't seen each other in years.

"Hi," you wrap your arms around his waist, returning his warmth. You're the first to pull away from the embrace, his touch still lingering. "Come inside. It's freezing." You step aside to let him in, and he gently locks the door behind you. You tug and pull the sleeves of your wool sweater over your hands, trying to keep yourself from getting hypothermia. Jean wipes his shoes on the welcome mat before following your lead up the stairs.

"So, how was your break?" He asks.

"Uneventful. Flirted with a bartender back home because I was bored. Nothing came out of it," You respond. Jean snorts, and you grin.

"Buddy was probably a prick anyway." He jabs, but there's a long silence before he softly says, "You deserve better." You try to ignore the care laced in his words so you don't end up hurling yourself over the bannister to get a grip.

"How did surprising Pieck go?"

He abruptly stops halfway up the stairs, "It went okay," You hesitate before taking the next step on the landing and look back at him. His eyes are fixated on you but dull when he says, "We had a good time."

You shoot him a glare.

"I'm serious!" He skips steps, closing the gap between you before stopping on the landing, where he stands towering over you. You shake your head in fake disapproval.

"Why did you bother coming over if you're not going to tell me in detail how your break was?" You goad, putting up a hand to block his face. "You know my life is boring."

He huffs and turns to walk back down the stairs, "Fine, guess I'm leaving then."

"Wait!" Your plea echoes, "I'm joking! I'm joking!" grabbing his wrist, you try pulling him back towards the direction of your place.

Jean lets out a chuckle before turning around. "I promise, I'll tell you more once we're actually inside your apartment." He says unconvincingly, and you find yourself rolling your eyes in joking disbelief.

"Mhmm, sure, Jean," you reply dryly. Both of you are standing on the landing for a brief moment. His eyes are cast downward and land on your hand, still holding his wrist firmly in place. You notice and quickly drop his hand, continuing the march up the stairs.

"Is your trip to Hizaru the 'something' you had to tell me in person?" you ask, facing away from him, hoping he didn't see you shaking and flustered like a Victorian man who saw a fucking collarbone for the first time.

"No," he says, "I'll tell you soon."

You open the creaking door to your apartment and change from your outside shoes to your house slippers. Jean follows suit, kicking his sneakers off and leaving them askew next to yours. You frown at him, and he shrugs.

"What?"

"Really, Jean?"

"What?" He challenges, and you point to his mess on the ground.

"Fix that! You've been here before." scoffing at the blatant disrespect of space. "Your giant ass shoes are gonna make Sasha trip again." He rolls his eyes and groans before arranging his shoes neatly and looking up at you for approval.

"Thank you."

"Of course. Anything for you," he says and stands up, his adoring tone sending shivers down your spine, and you try to brush off the feeling. "Can you hold this?" He hands you his bag, and you nod.

Jean removes his jacket and places it on the coat rack. Your eyes trace his tall frame and broad shoulders, letting your gaze fall on his ash-brown mullet, appreciating how some hair falls to frame his high cheekbones.

"What?" you're snapped out of your almost voyeuristic gaze by Jean leaning down and smirking at you. "Are you imagining I'm that bartender?" he coos.

"Yeah, 'cause you're a prick."

Before he can retort, Sasha calls out to you both from the kitchen. "Jean-boy, is that you?" and you cackle.

"I wish you two never met my mom." Jean grabs his bag and follows you to the kitchen, where Sasha and Niccolo are mid-clean. She greets Jean with a quick hug and playful punch before leaning on the counter and continuing to wipe down an already dry plate. Niccolo is wearing an apron covered in flour that says, "Roast Me!" featuring a glazed pig holding an apple in one hoof and a microphone in the other.

"Nice apron, man," Jean dabs up Niccolo before standing beside you.

"Thanks! Sasha gave it to me for Christmas." He flexes slightly before slinging his arm around Sasha's shoulder. She leans on his shoulder, proudly pointing and smiling at the gift. "Heard you surprised Pieck in Hizaru for the holidays. That must have been fun!"

You gawk in slight disbelief at Sasha because Jean never posted the surprise. You were the only person he told, in part because you were the one who helped orchestrate the grand romantic gesture and didn't want anyone to ruin the surprise. He knew you were a hopeless romantic (not that you were ever subtle about being one). So when he asked:

"Well, if you were going away on an exchange and starting a long-distance relationship with your boyfriend, what would you want as a Christmas present?"

Your resolve completely crumbled. Thus, operation: 'Surprise Pieck' was born. You tried to keep quiet, but Sasha kept hovering over your room once she heard the same sad ten-minute version of a heartbreak song playing on your speaker for over two hours.

She shrugs and gives you a panicked and apologetic look, mouthing a small 'sorry!' before looking back at Jean. He doesn’t notice your interactions, but if he did, he didn’t care.

Folding his arms across his chest, he takes a deep breath. "It was fun. We did all of the touristy things and ate food, and then I helped her move some stuff."

"How long were you there for?" Niccolo asks. Jean's cheeks are flushed, and he hesitates to answer.

"Uhm, we should probably get to studying, right Jean?" You offer, and Jean looks down at you and nods.

"Sure," he grabs the strap of his bag a little tighter. "Later Sash." She gives a small wave, waiting for Jean to walk toward your room before mimicking typing on the phone and mouthing a 'text me!'. You give a small thumbs up, slightly annoyed.

"Are you sure you don’t want to study out here?" Niccolo suggests, "We're almost done cleaning."

"Nah, it'll be easier to focus in my room," You look at your phone to check the time and see a notification from Mikasa. "Plus, it looks like Mikasa's inviting Eren to stay the night." You flash the device to Sasha so she can read the text. She nods, and you excuse yourself out of the room.

"Have fun!" She calls out before you hear her and Niccolo hastily whispering amongst themselves.

***

Opening the door, Jean has already made himself comfortable on the comically large bean bag next to the TV, silently typing away.

"Sorry, it's cold in here," You close the door behind you to reduce noise. "Let me know if you need a blanket or anything."

"I'm good, thanks." His response is short. So, you settle at your desk and open your laptop to continue your research paper. You briefly glance over to Jean, whose brows are furrowed in concentration on whatever he's working on.

"Is it cool if I play music?" You ask, not wanting to be a bother.

"Go for it."

You scroll through your study playlists before picking one that is mostly instrumental. You try to ignore the awkward tension between you both brought by Sasha oversharing with her man. However, you can't blame her when you brought this upon yourself.

Both of you sit silently for a while, quietly working on your assignments. Your body is still rigid, but after a while, you’re able to relax and get into a steady rhythm. Until a colossal branch snaps outside, jolting both of you from your seats.

"Wow, I thought we weren't getting any more storms." You say, hoping that Jean will add to your obvious observation.

"Yeah. It's weird how things change suddenly," he continues typing away, never looking at you when he replies. The wind picks up again, rattling the window frames.

"Are you mad at me?" you ask, and he finally stops typing. His fists tighten, and his shoulders tense. Jean looks at your worried expression before letting out a sigh.

"I was never mad at you, just frustrated. I don't think I could be mad at you."

You feel your eyes well up, turning back to face your laptop so he can't see you cry. You shakily continue typing notes, but you can hear Jean shifting in his seat.

"I'm sorry I told Sasha about your plans. I know you wanted to keep it a secret, but-" Your breath catches in your throat, and you try to come up with anything, but all that escapes your mouth is, "Sorry."

"It's not that. I figured Sash would find out sooner or later." Jean leans back, sinking deeper into the beanbag. He shakily combs his hair and scratches at his undercut, letting his hand rest at the nape of his neck. "We broke up."

You sit upright and frozen for what feels like eons before finally twisting your chair to face Jean, whose laptop now rests on your carpet.

"Huh?"

He's looking at the warm fairy lights that frame your window. Now making good on their promise, the grey clouds release their onslaught of flurries so intense that your room feels like it’s the only thing preventing you two from disappearing into the abyss.

"You were right." His voice cracks, and he looks at you, like he really looks at you, almost in anticipation. His eyes are mixed with emotions: anger, frustration, and sadness are some of them. But the one that stands out is yearning.

You blink a couple of times, unsure of what to say.

"Right about what?" you want to ask, but it doesn't matter. You know the answer.

She cheated on him. You warned him this would happen. How you start dating someone is the way you lose them.

You look at each other for a while before finally saying, "I wish I wasn't."

Closing your laptop and walking over to your carpet, you sit in front of him and place your hand on his knee, "I'm sorry. What happened?"

He recounts the events in Hizaru, crash course style. He flew in and arranged for her roommate to pick him up, and they sped through back roads, trying to get there early. He was so nervous and anal about getting there at a specific time. It probably would have been better if he had been late. He walked into the living room holding a bouquet, and she was on her knees in between her ex-boyfriend's legs holding his dick. Jean turned around, blocked her on everything, and spent the next two weeks couch-surfing and hanging with some engineering friends he had made a few years prior.

"Holy shit." was all you could muster once he finished talking. He presses his palms into his eyes, rubbing furiously before letting them settle back on his lap.

"C'est la Vie." he lets out a large sigh. He looks down at you between his legs and turns away, feeling like he's suffocating from how intensely you're staring at him. Thankfully, you don't see how red his ears are getting.

"So uhm," you shift your weight back and forth, "I'm assuming this is what you wanted to tell me in person, right?" A firm breeze filters through the cracks of your window, and you start shivering like a wet dog. As you're about to get up and reach for the haphazardly folded blanket at the foot of your bed, Jean stops you. Grabbing the sherpa blanket, he wraps it around you tightly. Your eyes gleam in appreciation.

"Some of it," He says before rummaging through the blanket basket you keep by your TV and picking out one for himself. "I left out some stuff." He lays the blanket across his lap. The snow outside is increasing in velocity.

"Like?"

"Well," he thinks momentarily, "I didn't block Pieck's number immediately. We actually hooked up one last time." His head hangs low, with the last part coming out like a whisper. Your heart feels so heavy at this admission you're sure it's descended through the nine circles of hell. He doesn't need to look up to see your disappointment and hurt. He knows.

"Okay," taking a deep breath, you close your eyes. "Do you want me to shame you or something?" You say through gritted teeth. "Because I can. And I will."

"No!" his voice cuts through the air, and his jaw tightens. It's blistering outside now.

"Then what?" you challenge, "What do you want me to say?"

"Let me finish talking," he whines. "Please," and you concede.

"After hooking up, we tried making it work for a few days. But it just didn't. Pieck ended up unloading everything that bothered her in the relationship. Some of it was just petty bullshit, like how I never posted about her, but I get it now." he looks down at his hands, picking at the dry skin near his thumbs.

"She said what annoyed her the most was how much I talked about you. Apparently, I always found a way to bring you up no matter what. That's why I started cancelling our plans and texting less. Pieck said she only cheated because, well," he lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. "She thought we were sleeping together."

You let out a scoff. "It sounds like she was projecting." Rolling your eyes before making eye contact with Jean, "We're just friends." It hurts to say those words, but when his face falls at your comment, you consider hurling yourself into the sun.

"Right." His lips formed a tight smile. "Just Friends," he says with no particular conviction.

"Friends," You repeat, looking at Jean through your lashes. This time, when your face flushes, you don't look away. Jean gets that suffocating feeling again and runs his hand through his hair.

"Just friends," he whispers, leaning forward. His eyes roam around your face, focusing on your lips, and your gaze softens.

"Nothing else." The blanket he wrapped around you earlier starts to fall off your shoulder. Jean reaches down to pull the blanket tighter around you and towards him.

"Nothing?" He's so close that you can smell his mandarin and sandalwood cologne. He looks at you with such admiration it's suffocating, but you don't care. After years of stolen glances, you want to stay like this forever in this asphyxia until you die.

"Strictly Platonic." you open your mouth to say something, but Jean's lips softly kiss yours. You blink up, and before he can pull away, you cup his face slowly to kiss him again.

And again.

Each time, you can feel his smile widening at the touch as he deepens the kiss. "I couldn't figure out how to say this over the phone." He admits, cupping your face, "I like you a lot. Sorry it took me so long to figure it out."

"It's okay," you lean into his hand. "I should have said something, too." Jean pulls you off the floor and into a big hug. You both stay like that for a while, relishing the warm embrace.

"Hey look!" Jean draws your attention to the window, pulling you close, never letting go of your hand to look outside. The storm is finally settling, leaving fresh snow to coat everything. Whatever dirty snow and ice that covered the sidewalk is completely erased. Granting a new opportunity for people to leave their mark. The now clear sky allows the sunset to bounce off the snow, creating a warm, sparkling glow.

"Woah, it's beautiful."

Jean looks at you, really looks at you before saying. "Yes, she is."

✧˖°.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ ✧˖°.✧˖°.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ ✧˖°.✧˖°.. ݁₊ ⊹ . ݁˖ . ݁ ✧˖°

a/n: I wonder what the ethical ramifications of writing about your own personal experiences (and writing about what you wished had happened instead) under the guise of fan fiction are... Anyway, here's a fun fact: This one-shot inspired my upcoming fic 'Temperance' because I have so much I didn't want to stuff here. (think of it as an alternate time line because there are major changes…) OOP BYE!

I also made a mood board floating around my blog somewhere... I'll make a master list when I have a substantial amount of writing on here; please don't clock me because this blog is UNDER CONSTRUCTION! Like always, any feedback is appreciated! Thank you for reading MWAH!

══════════════════

94 notes · View notes

jeansplaytoy · 10 months

Text

toxic!jean headcannons because i love you

some manipulation? cursing, obviously toxicity, cheating references, sexual references

toxic!jean who knows that now that you two are done, he can do whatever he pleases, and have no problems with you.

toxic!jean who fucked multiple different girls when you were together and then proceeded to lie that he didn’t.

toxic!jean who blames you every time he stares at your ass. “it’s too big, that’s your fault.” is what he always told you when you caught him and called him out in private.

toxic!jean who knows his side bitches hate you because every time he’s done with them, he goes back to you.

toxic!jean who got your name tatted on his lower stomach, right below his belly button after you broke up so that you’d remember that you’ll always be his.

toxic!jean who hates when other boys talk about you.

toxic!jean who’d try to make you mad on purpose by flirting and kissing other girls in front of you. don’t do the same thing, ever.

toxic!jean who ruins all the relationships you get in after him, by showing your boyfriends old pictures of you and him together in bed. ‘this is where she was last night, mf she does not like you 😂’

toxic!jean who, when he hears someone say they want you, will drag them in an alleyway and beat the shit out of them.

toxic!jean who sends you a d!ckp!c every other night with the caption ‘he misses you lmao.’

toxic!jean who answers your calls while he’s in the middle of fucking another girl, just to piss you off.

toxic!jean who desperately wanted you to tattoo his name on your upper back, right under your neck, so that anytime you’re with someone else, they’ll see who really loves you. you did.

toxic!jean who listens to you cry to him about his behavior, and does nothing. he listens to you cry to him about another guy, and his funerals next week.

toxic!jean who doesn’t give a damn how he talks to you, but never calls you out of your name.

toxic!jean who thinks about you at night, wondering if he should really better himself to get you back.

toxic!jean who sends you a bouquet of flowers with $800+ in it every time he breaks your heart. ‘stop being a baby, baby.’

toxic!jean, who knows deep down he still loves you, no matter how bad he treats you.

#aot headcanons #attack on titan #angst headcanons #jean kirstein #jean x you #jean x reader #jean kirschtein angst #jean kirschstein #angst x reader #jeansplaytoy♡︎

595 notes · View notes

jeankluv · 5 months

Text

I won’t fake it || Jean Kirstein x reader

Words: 2.6K

Warnings: fluff, a bit of angst, modern au, actors au, reader is shy and a bit insecure, readers appearance is never described

Summary: You and Jean have known each other for a decade now, since both of you started working as teens in a serie called Attack on Titan. During the years you developed feelings for him, but never told him afraid of breaking your friendship and afraid of his reaction. Promoting the final season, your managers came with the idea of a PR but Jean refuses, despite knowing he has done it before in the past. You hated the idea of PR but did Jean really hate the idea of going out with you, even if it was pretend?

Note: this came to me when an attack on titan actor au popped up on my feed. I don’t know if I should make another part or leave it like this.

Attack on titan materialist

The series, which you have been working on for the last 10 years, was coming to an end soon. Only a few episodes were left and you were promoting it with the rest of the cast, in New York and Los Angeles.

You looked at yourself in the mirror, your hair was beautiful, the makeup was beautiful, the outfit you were wearing was beautiful, everything looked perfect. It had to be. You were about to give an interview on live television, talking about the series finale, promoting it and everything had to be just perfect.

You sighed, you were nervous it didn’t matter what you did to calm yourself down. It's been over a decade since you joined the industry and you couldn’t stop from getting nervous. Your leg was moving up and down, making your heels hit the floor and filling the room with the noise of your shoes.

A knock on the door made you come back to your senses, you swallowed and told to came in. In the door Jean appeared, you smiled at him, your best friend since almost the very beginning of the series.

“Hey.” He approached you and left a kiss on your cheek. You hated it, not because you didn’t like it, because it made you feel so much and you knew nothing was going to happen. “How are you feeling?” He sat next to you. You grimaced, trying to make light of the matter, but you knew Jean knew you too well. “I will be right next to you, so don’t worry. We are together.” You smiled faintly, Jean was always so kind to you and your heart wouldn’t stop beating on your chest whenever he looked at you that way.

“Thank you Jean… I really appreciate having you with me.” You told him and he smiled.

A staff member came in, informing you that you were about to enter the studio for the interview. Jean stood and offered his hand for you to take it. You held it and walked side by side, feeling the comfort Jean was bringing you. You were behind a door and could hear the interviewer talking and the audience applauding. Your names were called and both Jean and you entered the plate smiling and greeting everyone who was there. You sat on the couch with Jean on your left and the interviewer to your right.

“Welcome both of you.” The interviewer smiled. “How are you both feeling? The finale is almost here, crazy isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it’s honestly crazy that after, what? 10 years right?” Jean joked in a flirtatious way. “But yeah it’s been a whole rollercoaster, but one none of us won’t forget.” He said looking at you.

“Eh… yeah, yeah it’s been a whole experience and… we are really thankful for the fans that have been supporting us for all those years.” You said, trying to hide your anxiety.

The interviewer nodded. “Now tell me about your characters. They are romantically involved and I think everyone can agree that your chemistry on screen is untouchable.” The public started cheering up.

You hoped no one was noticing that your whole face was heating up. If only they knew you had the biggest crush on Jean Kirstein, they would probably lose their minds and start editing every single moment where you both interacted or the moments where you were looking at him like a helpless romantic.

“I guess so, but with y/n it’s so easy. I couldn’t have been luckier to have such an amazing partner to work with.” He laughed.

“You’re just too kind, Jean.” You smiled.

“It’s the truth tho. You’re an amazing actress and friend. And I love filming with you and spending time with you.”

“Wow… Jean if you weren’t in a relationship I would think you are hinting on y/n on live television.” The interviewer joked.

And there it was, the reminder that Jean was just your friend, your costar, nothing else. You were happy when Jean told you he was seeing someone, happy when he told you they started dating, happy when you met her. You were happy, that’s what you always told yourself, that you were happy for him. But it wasn’t true, you weren’t happy, you were a coward because you had those feelings for years but you were never able to confess and then, then he was with someone else, that wasn’t you.

You were selfish, you wanted to be the one holding his hand, the reason for his loving eyes, the reason why his heart raced faster, you wanted to be all that and more.

You tried to keep yourself normal, not to react to that or to what Jean said.

“Well I’m not in a relationship anymore, it’s been over a month since I broke up with my now ex.” Jean explained, leaving you speechless. You didn’t know about this, he never mentioned it. It was true that you were unable to see and talk as much as you usually did due to your busy schedules.

“Then we can say you were hinting on y/n? How do you feel about that y/n?” The interviewer asked once again.

You were starting to get nervous and somehow embarrassed for the whole situation. You wanted to stand up and run from there, but if you did that everyone would be talking about you on social media and that was making you even more anxious.

“You know what Jimmy, I think we should go back to the main topic, talking about our series.” Jean cut him off. “But so everyone knows, we are not Connie or Eren, you won’t be able to get a single spoiler out from us.”

As always Jean was the most natural when it came to doing interviews or talking with other people. The interviewer let the topic to the side and started asking questions about the series, what it was for you to film this final part and how you were feeling about ending it. You played a little game to entertain the audience and finally you ended saying goodbye to everyone.

You and Jean walked down the hall together with your managers, while talking about something. You didn't look at Jean, you didn't want to, you were still embarrassed by what happened a few minutes ago.

“Jean, what you did out there…” He was referring to that flirt with you. “Was brilliant. Everyone is talking about it on social media.” He said showing the phone to Jean, you looked at it out of the corner of your eye and sure enough, the video of the moment was everywhere.

“Josh just leave it, okay?” Said Jean hanging the phone back to his manager.

“No Jean, this could be a perfect opportunity for both of you.” He said pointing at you both. “I was talking to Emma while you were still at the interview and maybe doing a PR isn’t that bad.” You closed your eyes and you leaned against the elevator wall.

“Emma…” You whispered.

“C’mon y/n this could be a wonderful opportunity, you will only have to act like you’re romantically involved, some photoshoots, some Instagram posts. It will be fantastic for your publicity.” She smiled holding you from the arms. You didn’t want it, you didn’t want to fake you had something with Jean because you knew your heart would end up broken in a million pieces.

“I won’t be doing PR with y/n.” Jean stayed not letting any of your managers talk.

“Why Jean? This could be a great opportunity for both of you. Your ship in the show is huge, having you go from friends to lovers would be…”

“No.” Jean said harshly.

“Jean, you have done this before, what's the difference?”

“None of us need this shit, we are already both settled actors.” Jean started to walk away from leaving the elevator.

His manager started to walk behind him, while you stayed there with Emma. You felt your heart shrink in your chest, was that bad idea for him to fake date you? You hated the idea but Jean… Jean looked disgusted with it.

You didn’t see Jean after that, he didn’t contact you either and you didn’t have the courage to do it. You looked at your schedule for tomorrow, you had a photoshoot in the morning and then you would be free for the rest of the day. You sat on your bed, tired of today's journey, you weren’t a big fan of promotion season, you were just too introverted for it and sometimes interviewers were too much for you, they seemed not to care about what you were telling them, they just wanted the gossip and leave. And you hated that, you loved acting from a young age, it let you be someone else, escape from reality but Hollywood was another thing, another world. A world that even after all these years was hard for you to adjust to.

You fell into bed, closing your eyes, you had to sleep tomorrow, you had to get up early and you didn't want to have Emma dragging you around New York with huge circles under your eyes.

＇・＊：．。．　．。．：＊・゜゚・＊

Before you could realize the premiere for the final part was that night in New York City, you were getting ready in your apartment, your whole makeup was stunning, and your dress was just breathtaking. You couldn’t believe you could look this good.

“We will be leaving in 5.” Emma said.

“In 5 minutes?” You opened your eyes.

“Yeah, the premiere is an hour and you have to take photos on the red carpet with everyone and do some small interviews.”

“Okay…”

“Hey!” She said making you look at her. “If you start to feel overwhelmed, tell me and I will take you out of there okay?”

“It’s okay Em, I think I can handle it. I will be alright.”

“That’s my baby, I can’t believe it’s been ten years since you got this role.”

“And you have been supporting me ever since then.”

“That’s true.”

“Thank you.” You hugged her.

“And by the way, I’m so sorry for what happened with Jean and the whole PR thing, when Josh suggested I thought it would a good idea, but I fail to consider how you were going to feel about it.”

“It’s alright Em.”

“Have you talked with him?”

“With Jean?” She nodded. “Not directly, we talked in the group chat, last thing I know is that he was in LA, for an audition or something, I’m not really sure.”

“You will see him tonight.”

“Yeah I know but it doesn’t matter Em, it was a silly conversation and all the flirting thing he did, it was for the show. Not real.”

Emma looked at you with a sad look. “Honey, I don’t think it was fake.”

“Em please, don’t do that, don’t give me hopes for something that will never happen.”

“Okay…” She looked at her phone. “Oh shit, we need to leave or you will be late, c’mon.”

In 10 minutes you were getting out of your car, meeting up with thousands of flashes and screams from fans. You smiled at them and started waving at everyone. You approached a group of fans to take selfies and sign posters.

“Oh y/n! You look absolutely stunning! I love you so much.” You blushed at the compliment.

“Thank you so much sweetheart.” You told them.

“Y/n! Please sign my poster.”

“Sure.”

“Y/n! You and Jean would look so good together.” You heard someone say.

“That’s right y/n!” You heard another one scream.

“Thank you guys, but we are not…”

You were cut by one of the team staff taking you away from them. You waved them goodbye with a sad smile, you sighed to yourself and prepared yourself to pose in front of the cameras. You heard paparazzi scream your name, telling you to look to one side, to another side. You started to feel anxious and feel your sweaty hands, the whole flashes were making you dizzy. You felt someone, holding you from the waist making you jump a little. Looking up, you saw a very familiar tall person next to you. Jean was there, smiling.

“Jean…” You whispered.

“Hello gorgeous, you look beautiful.” He whispered to you.

You smiled to the floor. Stupid Jean. He held your hand, making it so natural, so effortless and easy. He took you out of there, you still heard the screams and the sound of flashes behind both of you. Jean started saluting everyone around without letting your hand go. You were feeling nervous, probably Jean was noticing that you were sweating.

“Eh… Jean.” You told him, he turned to look at you.

“Mhm?” He tilted his head and you looked down to your hands. “Oh…” He said. “Y/n, I need to talk with you.” Jean spoke once again. He was looking at you. “Come with me please.” And walked off with you.

You looked at his big back, he kept walking until a small room far away from the people. He let your hand go and you held both of your hands together, looking down, nervous.

“Y/n can you look at me.” He whispered.

“What happened Jean?” You faintly smiled at him.

“Listen, I know, I know it must be confusing my actitud tonight, all this thing of holding hands and the “show” out there but…”

“You ended up agreeing to the PR thing?” You smiled.

“No I didn’t, I told Josh that I was not going to do PR with you.”

“Why? Is that a bad idea to do PR with me?”

“No… is just.”

“You have done PR before, I don’t understand why you wouldn't want to.”

Jean breathed. “Because I wouldn’t be able to do it.”

“Oh… I understand.” You bite your lip.

“I think you’re not understanding y/n.” He held your face. “I wouldn’t be able to fake anything with you because every single thing I would do, every single word, every single look, would be true.”

You swallowed looking at his eyes. True? It wouldn’t be fake?

“What…?”

“Y/n, I like you. I have liked you for a while now… I was a dick for not realizing my feelings before.”

“I… Jean.”

“Y/n, I know, I have known for a while and I’m sorry, I’m sorry for hurting you.” He hugged you and you closed your eyes and smelling his aroma.

“It’s okay Jean… but are you for real?” You broke the hug.

“Yes, every single thing I said it’s real. I don’t want to fake anything with you, I want this to be real.” He said once again looking at your eyes. “That’s why, I want to take you out on a date.”

“A date?”

“Mhm.” He smirked. “You know we could sneak out and I could take you out on a fast date.”

“Jean… this is our last premiere, we can’t.” He pouted, which made you smiled.

“You’re right babe. Our last time, I will miss working with you on screen…”

“Maybe we can work together again, don’t worry.” You smiled.

“Hopefully but only as your romantic interest.” He kissed your cheek. “Now let’s go before they start to be suspicious and I don’t want Eren to start bothering us with his nonsense.” He held your hands once again but you stopped him.

Jean turned around and looked at you. With all the courage in the world you held his face and kissed him. Jean at first was surprised but he instantly kissed you back, tangling his fingers in your hair and increasing the kiss. The kiss finished when you both heard the door being opened. You hide yourself behind Jean, feeling your face burning up.

“So you two are here?” Emma was standing there, you avoided her gaze. “Everyone was looking for you, so you better get your asses back there.”

Both of you nodded and started walking next to Emma, not letting each other's hands go. Emma nudged you and smiled at you, you looked down and got closer to Jean, he smiled at your shyness and placed a kiss on your hair.

#jean kirschstein x reader #aot x reader #jean kirstein x reader #jean kirschtein fluff #jean kirschtein angst #jean x you #jean kirstein x oc #jean kirschtein imagine #jean kirschtein x reader #jean x reader #jean kirstein #jean kirstein fanfiction #jean kirstein x you #jean kirschstein

230 notes · View notes

berryblosom · 6 months

Text

PET NAMES 𓆩ꨄ︎𓆪

EREN: babygirl, My love

It is very rare that Eren uses your name, he always calls you babygirl no matter where you are. You've gotten so used to it now to the point you turn around when anyone says it thinking it's your boyfriend behind you. "Mornin babygirl." Eren greets you with a back hug in the early hours of the morning. You can see from the reflection in bathroom mirror that his long hair is a complete mess and that hes still asleep on your shoulder. "Good morning Ren, what you want for breakfast." He lifts his head off your shoulder and turns you around by your hips, soap was all over your face but that didn't stop Eren from pecking your lips until you had to push him off you "Anything you want. I don't mind." You swipe the back of your hand on his lips getting the soap off and smile up at your boyfriend. "Pancakes sound good?" He nods while leaving the bathroom. "Of coure babygirl."

When Eren is in trouble he know that calling your babygirl will not slide and will end up with him crying in the corner. He's always been erratic and hot headed which you didn't mind. It was nice to calm him down when he gets a little riled up, it showed you that he can trust and listen to you when he's in the wrong. However this time not even a tornado spinning towards him could've stopped Eren from beating the crap out of a guy who slapped your ass while the two of you were on a date. The guy was drunk and it normally wouldn't go past Eren yelling every curse word under the sun while you pull him away but the drunk man just had to run his mouth resulting in you driving home with a sulking baby beside you. "I don't get why you're mad at me, I was protecting you." He huffs resting his head against the window. "Which I appreciate but you went too far and you got hurt.” Your fingers lightly brush against his cheek, it was turning a nasty shade of purple and looked very painful. Eren leans into your touch understanding why you're upset "m'sorry my love, kiss it better for me will ya?" You chuckle at how easily his mood changed. "Nice try Ren."

Reiner: Beautiful, Angel

Reiner doesn't go a day without calling you beautiful wether as a pet name or just admiring you while you do mundane things. Recently you've been feeling a little down, worrying about your body and how you look. It normally didn't bother you but after a dress you purchased didn't quite fit it ruined your mood a little.

The door to your apartment opens up shaking you from your thoughts, you put the dress back in its bag and quickly run to greet your boyfriend. "Welcome home Rei.” You wrap your arms around his shoulders and pull him in for a kiss as usual. It was your favourite part of the day when Reiner comes home. "How's my beautiful girl?" Your shrug your shoulders telling him you were fine. This made him worry, his favourite part of the day was coming home to your stories of what you did, even if it was just watching tv. "What wrong?" He hooks his arm under your legs swooping you up with ease and leads you to the bedroom.

"Nothing really, I was just think I might need to start a diet." He softly plops you on the bed his brows furrowed in confusion "why you’re beautiful as you are." You giggle scratching the stubble on his chin. "You say that cause you love me." He shrugs his shoulders. "True but it's more, your kind, thoughtful and most importantly healthy that's what makes you beautiful. You do not need to diet.” Your heart swells at his words and your couldn't help but attack him with kisses "I love you too Rei."

Reiner couldn't believe it when you agreed to be his girlfriend and still two years later he thinks your an angel that came from above just for him. He calls you his angel and he is your protector. However when a guy follows you home one night when he wasn't there he felt like the opposite. You assured Reiner that you were fine and that the man walked away when you alerted the security in your building but that didn't stop him from letting his thoughts spiral. "Reiner baby can you help me." You couldn't reach the plates on the top cabinet which annoyed you to no end, you try once more to reach them but your hand slips sending one of the plates flying down onto the floor.

"Y/N what happened?" Reiner comes running out of the bedroom when he hears the crash and your little yelp. He sees the broken glass and immediately rushes to put you on the counter away from it. "What were you thinking you should've waited for me!" You flinched a little, Reiner has never raised his voice to you and it honestly suprised you.

"I thought I had it Rei, l'm sorry." You voice wavers a little which just shatters his heart. He checks you for any cuts and lets out a sigh of relief when he doesn't find any. "I didn't mean to yell angel I was just worried." He kisses the inside of your palms travelling up to the crook of your neck. You could feel his body shaking and he couldn't seem to look into your eyes. "It was just a little glass Reiner, I'm fine promise." You lift his chin and his beautiful hazel eyes meet your own "Im sorry I wasn't there when that creep followed you home, l'm sorry I couldn't protect you." You pull in his shivering body for a hug letting him nuzzle against your chest. "Oh big guy that's why you've been glued to my hip all week. You were visiting you mother Reiner it wasn't your fault." He pulls away looking down at you, even on the counter your couldn't match Reiners height. "I know but-" "But nothing. You protect me all the time, I always feel safe with you." You kiss his nose and jump off the counter away from the glass "will you help me clean this up?" He smiles once again questioning if you're actually an Angel sent to love him "Anything for you angel."

Porco: Babe, Love

Porco isn't too big on pet names opting instead for your name but there are times when he calls you babe. Especially when someone gets a little too close to you and his usual sharp glare isn't enough to ward them off and remind people who you belong to. "Hey babe." Porco appears out of thin air behind where you sat talking to a friend from class. His first instinct is to place a kiss on your cheek while glaring at the poor guy trying to avoid eye contact.

"This guy bothering you?" He questions with a raised brow and a protective arm around your shoulder. You send a quick apologetic look to your friend who looked quite ready to pass out under your boyfriend gaze. "No this is my friend from class." You get up from your seat taking Porcos hand in yours "I'lI see you later." You wave good bye to your friend and lead your boyfriend away from the campus and towards the parking lot. "You don't have to do that every time you see me talking to a guy." You words where laced with annoyance but the soft grip you had on your boyfriend hand indicated to him you weren't that pissed. "Sorry I can't help it." You get to your car and lean against the door, Porcos protectiveness was sweet but when he drives away any friend you make that's when you have to step in. "Is there someone in that big head of yours telling you I want anyone else, hmm?" He looks down in shame deciding to ignore your comment on his head. "No there's not." He mumbles. You take his other hand in your gently stroking his knuckles. "Then why do you act like l'm gonna get snatched up by some guy." You wrap both of his hands around your waist and he immediately pulls you into a hug. "I-I still think you're too good for me, I guess l'm waiting for you to find someone better." You gasp lightly genuinely shocked that your boyfriend had these thoughts.

"I could never leave you, you have no idea how much I love you." Your grip round his shoulder tightened almost chocking him. "I love you too babe."

Porco calls you love in the comfort of the apartment the two of your share, constantly being teased by Pieck about how whipped he is for you was honestly bringing him closer to wringing her neck. You normally spent your weekends alone doing some chores while waiting from you boyfriend to come back from work but today he took the day off to stay cuddled in bed with you tightly wrapped in his arms. "Pock baby we need to get up." He groans at the nickname you picked up from Pieck, it's horrible but he hates it a little less coming from you. "Not yet love, just a couple more minutes." His lips softly kiss the crook of your neck and you almost fall for the tricks he pulls when he wants to get his way.

"I'm hungry let's get up and eat then we can come back." You attempt to get up but are pulled back within seconds. His legs come over yours trapping and stopping you from making a move.

"Just a little more time, please." He pleads and tries to kiss you again but you don't let him, he huffs and removes his legs from yours but his arms were still circling. "You're lucky I love you." You warn him getting comfortable again. "I know love, I know."

Jean: cupcake, doll

Jean is totally and completely obsessed with you, in a good way. He's so in love and doesn't want to go even a second without you. It's great to have a boyfriend so sweet but at times maybe he's a little too sweet.

"Just one more."

You push his face away from yours with your hand. Jean came home 30 minutes ago and hasn't left your side, he's been planting kisses on any exposed skin which was a lot since you were just wearing a top and shorts. "Jean please I need to cook, go get changed at least."

Your efforts were ignored and soon you were placed on the kitchen island with your boyfriend glued to your torso "can't get enough of ya cupcake." He comes up to your face softly biting your cheek. "Jean stoop, what's gotten into you today?" Jean is a little clingy which never bothers you, you love it when he wants to spend time wrapped up in your arms but when you're trying to get things done and he's all over you it make you wanna kick his ass. "I just missed you so much. Is that a crime?" You laugh and pull him back a little so he could see your face "well im holding a cleaver and you won't let me cook so It just might turn into a crime." Your boyfriend ignores your threats to kill him and sneaks in three more kisses before running off giggling like a child.

It is almost impossible for Jean to be upset or angry with you, he's either quick to forgive or genuinely can't see when you're in the wrong because he's love blind. However that changed today when you told Jean you met with an ex, he was actually getting married and you bumped into eachother and talked for a little while. Jean trusts you completely but didn't believe that your obsessed ex moved on that quickly.

"Jean will you just listen to me, I swear it was just a short chat. He's getting married soon."

You try to reach out for him but he keeps turning which you did not like, when you were upset having Jean just touch you made you feel better but the fact he wouldn't let you do the same hurt you.

"I trust you but not him, the guy was crazy obsessed with you." You sigh and finally succeeded in trapping him in your bedroom so you could talk properly.

"Youre crazy obsessed with me." Your boyfriend doesn't find you point amusing. "In a healthy way doll, I love you but I do not own you. He didn't get that and that's why you broke up remember." You look down at your feet, you couldn't stand Jean being upset with you. When you broke up with your ex you were scared to fall in love again but then Jean came and changed everything. You understand why he wasn't happy you were alone with your ex. "I'm sorry my love, can you come here now?" Jean wasted no time in taking you into his arms. He hated the way he acted but just wanted to make sure you were safe. "I'm sorry too doll, I just love you so much." You smile into his chest "I love you too jean-boy." This earns you a pinch on the hip. Jean hated that nickname.

Bertholdt: princess, sweetheart

Your relationship with Bertholdt is still pretty fresh but you decided that it was time you took it a little further and the two of you moved in together. Bertholdt is shy and it took a while for any intimacy to form so when you woke up and found him snuggled up so close to you your heart almost explodes. You gently trace the features of your boyfriends face with your finger until he wakes up, you curse yourself for ruining such a sweet moment.

"I'm sorry did I suffocate you?" Bertholdt is much much larger than you are but he's so gentle that you were sure it was impossible for him to hurt you. "Of course not Bertie, you were just so cute I couldn't help myself." His cheeks and ears turn an adorable shade of pink when you call him cute. "Please don't call me cute sweetheart." He wanted to be strong for you, he's often described as soft and timid but he doesn't want to be that way with you. "Sorry I forgot you hate that.” You prop yourself up on one elbow while you massage your boyfriends scalp. "I don't hate it." He mumbles quietly. "I just want you to think l'm strong. We live together now and I have to provide for you." You swoon when he looks up at you with his big brown eyes. "You don't have to anything my prince, just stay here with me." You get comfortable on top of your boyfriend who was still a blushing mess "I-I will."

Bertholdt is surprised when he comes home to a dark living room. It been three years since he first asked you to be his girlfriend and now the two of you are engaged. You usually stay up to wait for him or put on candles to light up the room if you've gone to sleep.

Bertholdt sheds his extra layers of clothing and quickly makes it into your room where he finds you laying on the bed facing away from the door. He wasn't as stealthy as he thought he was because the second his knee touched the bed you were up and looking around in the dark. "It's just me, calm down princess" the wave of fear quickly washes away when your fiancés hands come to your face. "Welcome home Bertie." You were exhausted, wedding planning was not easy plus you started your period so all of that piled together made you go to sleep earlier than usual.

"What's wrong?" You loved that he could tell that you were slightly off without even seeing you. "Nothing I'm just a little tired, it's been busy." Bertholdt feels bad for not being able to help today but you didn't mind and so you pull him down to cuddle before he gets into his own head too much. "I'm fine baby I promise, I just want your hugs." Your instantly squished against his chest and relished in the feeling of his hands travelling up your shirt to caress your skin. After three years together he's become more comfortable and confident in touching you. "You can have whatever you want princess."

297 notes · View notes