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#ive experienced this cold before
jorvikzelda · 6 months
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HANG ON. HAAAANG ON AM I OUT OF MY SAD BITCH TRENCHES
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crowlore · 5 months
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praying i get some art done today
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wheresmulder · 2 years
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This is way too personal for tumblr but I think I wanna leave my fiancé lmfao
#even typing this gives me anxiety lmao#ive never experienced 'cold feet' before but im guessing this is it#we were talking and they casually brought up getting the license soon and my whole body went cold#like. it felt like the beginning of a panic attack but it went away after a second so yeah lol im uhh not doing great#this sounds so ridiculous like why is this happening and why now all of a sudden literally out of nowhere#i dont know if i want to marry him. after all this time. what the fuck is happening to me the thought of being married used to feel like#security? but in that moment i felt like i was suffocating like in a literal physical sense like my throat closed up#and now every time ive thought about getting married since then my stomach immediately hurts#like i feel sick rn#this is insane to me#nothing has changed#what the fuck is this#they're my best friend as fucking trite as it sounds#i dont even want to leave him????????? i just#this all sounds so fucking stupid. i love them but the idea of making it legally binding has me in tears AND FOR WHAT ima fucking#ima fucking anarchist idgaf about the government or their paperwork so why does this suddenly feel like the worst decision i could make#im afraid if i talk to them if i tell him how i feel and how scared i am it will hurt him so much#the worst part is i think i know what im rly afraid of#and its like. its so bad i cant even post about it anonymously on the internet#i think im actually a rly bad person#i cant do this like i feel fucking paralyzed and everyone is treating me weird bc they know im freaking out#and i know theyre all talking about me trying to decide whats wrong and what to do#but i cant fucking tell them bc then they'll know#my sister my mom my friends even my brother in law is like 👀 and hes fucking oblivious so obvs my sister is talking to him about me#joe has no clue tho#i told him im spending the day w my friend so he wouldnt reach out but im hiding in my room tryin to decide#if this is rly just cold feet or what bc it seems a little fucking extreme like is this what ppl talk about#i wish it was cold feet#it's not#personal
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captainofsalt · 1 year
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So excited for my upcoming appointment /s
My doctor is a nice woman, but she is slightly ableist. Doesn't think I should be using mobility aids, won't refer me to an orthopedic doctor for spine x rays even though I have SEVERE back pain. Is only now concerned since she heard that I've been using a wheelchair.
I think she's going to try to convince me not to use it, or to use it less.
She believes I am in pain, but has never been able to grasp the scale of it or of how heavily it affects my life.
Also her secretaries are ableist pieces of shit who have called my reasons for making appointments (new symptoms, usually) weird.
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exculis · 10 days
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Man this has GOT to be related to whatever strain of cold I got back in December cuz that too was just oppressive congestion and fatigue without much else going on. At least this isn't quite as bad
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feralmorty · 1 year
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Bitch they have lightning in snow storms now???? Did the weather evolve?
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oflgtfol · 1 year
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also i finally made my first step towards talking to counseling on campus. this shit is so bs because they say first steps: book an appointment on the website or call us. but rhe website doesnt work. so youre forced to call. and then they wont even let you book an appointment the first time you call the first call is just to get your information then you have to csll back the next day. Like what
#brot posts#so despite finally calling after months of saying i would and then Not#i dont even feel like i madd progress#bc the only readon i finally DID was my friends sat me down and forced me to do it with them nearby#and now i havr to call back tomorrow monring ???#like as if i’ll remember? or want to when my friends arent forcing me to?#so until tomorrow i dont feel like i even accomplishee snything 🙄#anyway i told my friends im suicidal and it sounds so underwhelming when i try to explain ir in words 👍#have never done therapy before so idk whst to expect#but i cant wait to make it seem so underwhelming and downplay every mental agony ive been experiencing for the past. year and a half 👍#part of it is bc i just talk really monotone so saying ‘well i hate admitting this out loud but ive been suicidal’ in a flat voice is. well#idk i just feel so stupid like when it gets really bad i feel like im in like. a funhouse like im just twisting and turning and everything#looks bad st all angles and i cant escape#and then i inevitably have to break out of it for whatever reason whether thats going to sleep or going to class or going to work#and then when im out of it its like. well im fine now :/#idk it just feels like im blowing things out of proportions. every single time#but then yknow i inevitably get bad again and its like bangs my head into the wall#rinse and repeat endless cycle of ‘oh my god the agonies are endless’ and ‘well im actually totally fine :/ im just being stupid’#so making an appointment while im currently levelheaded just feels so. stupid#its like going to the doctor for a cold or something but of course when youre there you dont cough or sneeze or anything so its like oh god#‘im here becsuse i have a bad cough’ <- has not coughed at all the entire time in the doctors office
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pshcomforts · 17 days
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➳ we can’t be friends | psh. — requested
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trainee!sunghoon x fem!reader (mentions of wonyoung from ive)
“just wanna let this story die, and i’ll be alright“
synopsis: you and sunghoon have been best friends for so long, but distance has grown between you two after he got with wonyoung.
warnings/content: written in third pov. miscommunication(?). confrontation. angst. unrequited love (kinda). open ending! reader actively avoids sunghoon, and gets closer to jake (bestie vibes only). sunghoon gets jealous (always). not proofread. cursing!
comments, likes, and reposts are appreciated :)
word count: 3.9k
a/n: message request. — this was kind of rushed, sorry :(
༘˚⋆𐙚。masterlist⋆.✧˚
current song playing: we can’t be friends by ariana grande
↻ ◁ II ▷ ↺
1:05 ──────|───────────── -3:22
night had already fallen upon hybe building and y/n was still in the practice room, staying stuck on a few dance moves that had her frustrated.
“no this is not right..,” she grumbled to herself, sighing in defeat.
“you’re still here?” a voice bellowed from behind with a chuckle afterwards.
the girl quickly turned and was delighted with a smile plastered across her face.
“sunghoon!” she beamed. “what are you still doing here?” her voice squeaked, heart doing somersaults in the sight of her handsome friend.
“i should be asking you that question.” he grinned ear to ear as he watched his best friend continue to try and catch her breath.
“you’re practicing so late, y/n. you know that’s not good,” sunghoon frowned. “trainer kim’s already gone for the night.”
she rolled her eyes at his little scowl. “i know, i know.., i just really wanted to get this dance move down.”
hoon shook his head at her words before handing her an icy, cold water bottle. “well cool down, won’t you? i have good news.”
her heart slightly clenched in response. what could be such good news at midnight?
y/n gave a quiet nod and he shyly smiled to himself.
it couldn’t be, could it?
her body was tensing with every second he let pass by in his utter motive to irk impatience.
“sunghoon!” she fumed, nudging his shoulder back in slight frustration.
the male laughed in return, fangs flashing to make her a blushing mess as he uttered, “sorry, sorry! i just wanted to build it up!”
her eyes playfully rolled as he continued.
“wonyoung and i are finally going out! you remember her, right?”
remember her? yeah.
how wouldn’t she remember such a pretty girl like her?
the way that starship trainee mindlessly talked to sunghoon, swooning him with her simple words that already had him flustered.
heck, wonyoung did what y/n couldn’t — and that was leave the friend zone.
everything else he chattered on about afterward almost deafened in y/n’s ears. she couldn’t feel anything but her heart that shattered into a million pieces. every small shard striking her by the vein in her blood, giving a numbing sensation in her hands.
“y/n?” he called, looking at her for approval. “what do you think?”
what did she think? why would that matter if he was going out with someone else?
“good..!” she mumbled, voice almost coming to a quiet squeak. “that’s good for you, hoon!”
“i was just with her and..,”
he kept going on and on, but she couldn’t bare to hear it.
how could she when she was in love with him? her best friend. her everything. her favorite person who she couldn’t call hers.
they went through thick and thin as trainees of hybe — experiencing everything big and small that’d always be celebrated upon.
and it wasn’t like she hated wonyoung. no, that gorgeous girl was too good for the world. how could she hate her?
but she knew she’d have to keep a distance.
she couldn’t do anything else but accept it anyway. besides, it was just the right thing.
.  . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆
about a month had flashed by before y/n knew it, and though it wasn’t the easiest, her and sunghoon weren’t as close anymore.
he spent most of his time with his girlfriend, ensuring her the best like a good boyfriend.
but even then, he’d still try to make plans with y/n — hinting at little cafe places to try, asking about convenience store runs, murmuring about plans to sneak out of the dorms for their weekly movie nights — but she always rejected.
she avoided him with every intention she had.
if he tried to talk to her, she’d adjust her attention to someone else.
if he tried to get a duo dance with her, she’d quietly ask the trainer to switch with another person.
sunghoon didn’t know if he did something wrong but he knew the energy was off between them, as if something drifted them apart.
and to make matters worst, she had gotten closer to jake — another hybe trainee in their friend group.
hoon didn’t know why, but he hated seeing them become an iconic duo. the way jake mindlessly stepped into his position as her designated best friend was throwing him off.
he hated it. every time he’d notice their interactions, he’d find himself clenching with a tense jaw and fisted hands.
but why?
the only excuse he could find to all of this stupid resentment he had towards the aussie boy was that him and y/n weren’t the same anymore.
not at all.
and it was confirmed once he heard little mentions of ‘weekly movie nights’ pass through his ears.
sunghoon rolled his eyes with a quiet scoff leaving his throat, hating how sour he turned in a quick second.
“uhm..,” jungwon cleared his throat. “are you.. okay?”
the members, excluding jake, turned to the boy who was undeniably burning holes at the two in front of him.
“sunghoon..?” jay poked, shifting his gaze to the oldest member.
heeseung knew not to mess with hoon when he was pissed, so when he turned his direction where the boy was staring at, he prayed a little for jake.
“you can’t be jealous,” the oldest one murmured with a pat to the latter’s back.
“what?” sunghoon spat back with an annoyed face. “why would i even be jealous? i’m with wonyoung.”
“right, so.. you can’t be staring at them that way.”
“what does it matter anyway? it’s not like she’ll talk to me.”
the other members chose not to comment afterward, letting hoon continue to glare at the two with soft sighs leaving them.
he hated what was in front of him.
how could he be okay with this? how could he even be feeling this?
the burning in his heart. the rage-filled eyes. the tensed-up jaw. the fuming curse words inexplicably forming in his head.
was it really jealousy?
no. can’t be.
‘can it?’ he quietly questioned to himself, looking at the ground before picking his head back up to glance at the two.
the way y/n loudly laughed and slapped jake’s arm like it was nothing. the way she’d make her usual disgusted look as instinct. the way her fingertips would unintentionally drag against his when he’d offer a water bottle.
fuck, he hated this.
was it possible to be jealous over a best friend like this?
‘but maybe i just miss how we used to be,’ he’d attempt to rationalize.
but even then, it boiled every bit of blood he had whenever he’d find his best friend and another close trainee giggling about whatever was talked about.
.  . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆
everyone was almost done for the night as they gathered into a huge circle with breath pants heard in the room, many still wheezing from practice.
“so,” niki gasped, body almost completely down on the ground. “movie night?”
a spark hit y/n’s heart when the suggestion was put out there, taking a small glance to sunghoon who already had his gaze on her.
his eyes softened once they met and it seemed to cry out for her — almost asking if she even remembered any of the memories they shared when it was a movie night, and it was just them.
and when it’d get late in the night, they’d fall asleep on each others shoulder, heads bunking against each others with quiet snores and aching backs from their positions.
then a blanket would “magically” fall over them, causing the two to cuddle as platonic friends (who were obviously in love with each other).
but she couldn’t think that way.
not when he had a girlfriend.
still though, she couldn’t help but let her eyes stay on his a little longer than intended, eventually letting it linger onto every facial feature on him that she used to adore.
his moles, his fanged smile, his thick brows, his charming eyes — with her effort to avoid him, her heart beat more than it did before after re-loving his features.
but she turned away after feeling like a creep, shifting it to jake instead, who was smiling like a puppy with big eyes.
“yes, a movie!” she heard him beam.
best friend coded indeed.
a smile curled onto her lips as she heard each member chime in on their part to agree.
“i’m in,” sunghoon’s aggressive voice uttered.
the rest of the members turned to y/n with pleading eyes — “what about you?”
she took a gulp. she wanted to reject after finding out that he’d be there but they were all still friends.
“um..,” she croaked, chewing her lips while avoiding eye contact from the boy she was still in love with.
“oh come on! you and sunghoon used to always have secret movie nights with just the two of you!” niki yelled in defense, causing a loud smack to be thrown at him from jay.
it was awkward and quiet given that everybody knew the two used to be inseparable.
a tense chuckle erupted out of y/n while she only scratched her head.
“yeah we did..,” she admitted. “but i don’t know, they’ve become more strict with where we go now.”
“we’ll be finee!” sunoo tried to deflect.
a few more pleadings happened here and there, eventually leading y/n to quietly fume out a — “fine.”
the six members cheered in delight while sunghoon hid his smile. he was finally going to spend some time with his best friend.
.  . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆
as the members happily walked out of the practice room, hoon was left alone, staying behind to clean up just a little more — unbeknownst to the fact that y/n had accidentally left her jacket in the room.
she walked back with quiet curse words in her head, hating to have to go back and forth.
when she walked in, she unexpectedly found sunghoon staring right at her with fluttered eyes.
“oh..,” she murmured, body tensing in seconds.
“hey…,” the boy replied, shoving his hands into his pockets with a slight sigh of relief. he was finally alone with her and his heart was melting at the fact that it was only them now.
“you forget something?”
his thick brow raised in question, causing y/n’s stomach to flood with butterflies. she gulped and nodded before forcing her feet to move to her jacket — which was close to him.
“yeah..,” she awkwardly laughed. “i forgot my jacket, but i’ll see you there!”
✩ ‘i don’t wanna tip toe, but i don’t wanna hide’ ✩
she attempted to leave but the pull on her wrist struck her back to the same spot as earlier.
y/n felt the grip of his hand softly tighten, careful to not be too rough in how he held her.
“y/n, talk to me.”
his husk voice rang in her ears, sending alarming signals throughout every part in her body as she shivered.
“what do you mean?” the girl tried to deflect, hating the sudden confrontation.
✩ ‘but i don’t wanna feed this monstrous fire’ ✩
“you know..,”
a lump was caught in her throat and she couldn’t get it past her to swallow it down.
“we’re gonna be late, sunghoon, we should go.”
her body faced the door, turning her back on him to finally leave the scene when his voice stopped her — “are you gonna keep avoiding me?”
y/n’s heart dropped. “no..,” she mumbled back with a lip bite. “we’re fine.”
“you haven’t talked to me in weeks, we’re not fine and you know it.”
when she turned to face him, she found the boy to strike her with unforgiving eyes that had tears almost taking its fall.
she hated that she was the reason for his obvious pain, but they were friends, why would it hurt him?
a sigh left her throat as she scoffingly smiled. “you’re with wonyoung now, can’t we just focus on that?” she tried to attempt another lip curl to uplift the mood, but sunghoon wasn’t buying it.
“no, you’re my friend and i want to know why you’re not talking to me the way you used to.” his brows furrowed and a slight eye roll was taken as he thought back to her and jake laughing to themselves.
he watched her carefully for any readable expression but she only kept her gaze down.
“friend?” she softly reiterated. “that’s all i am to you?”
this time, it was sunghoon who froze in his stance. “what?” his eyes blinked repeatedly. “what are you talking about?”
his grip accidentally loosened and y/n felt it, taking the chance to slip out of the hold and say, “nevermind sunghoon, it’s nothing.”
“it’s not nothing if you can’t tell me.” he grumbled, feeling slightly irritated at her lack of communication.
“drop it.”
she walked towards the middle of the room, allowing him to catch up while uttering — “no, tell me.”
“it’s nothing.”
“y/n.”
his lips firmly pushed together as he expressed a disappointed reaction at her.
“let it go, it’s not important.”
“so then just tell me.”
they went back and forth, voices overlapping and echoing over each others.
“sunghoon, enough!” y/n exclaimed, pushing his chest back. “it doesn’t matter anyway so what’s it to you?”
hoon clicked his tongue. “i know you’re purposely avoiding me but i honestly can’t think of what i’ve done, so i’m just gonna ask this once.”
he sighed before continuing, “why are you avoiding me? did i do something to upset you?”
✩ ‘i didn’t think you’d understand me’ ✩
he leaned himself a little closer to her, causing the girl to softly back away with blushing cheeks. she hated how much her heart still lit up at every small thing he did.
“no, i’ve just been busy…,”
sunghoon scoffed, disbelief clear in that puff of air as he continued to gaze at her. “don’t try that with me, y/n. i know you, and i know you don’t like to talk when something bad happens, so what happened?”
“hoon, enough, please.”
she picked her head up to peer back at him with pleading eyes, but he couldn’t stop. he had to know.
“no.” he firmly spoke with a soft sigh. “you can’t get out of this because i need to know.”
y/n picked up on the way his eyes quickly watered. though he tried to hide it and look composed, she still couldn’t help but notice the tears that built up around.
“why?” she exhaled a breath of hers. “why do you need to know so badly hoon?? we’re just friends.”
‘friends’ — she hated how she had to confirm that to herself.
“exactly.” sunghoon spat. “you’re my friend, you’re the one i go to about wonyoung and other things, and now you’re so suddenly close with jake. what even is that? you’re here, but why aren’t you here for me?”
is that all she was to him?
her heart shattered, and all she wanted to do was clench onto the pain. she bit her lip as she responded, “jake has nothing to do with this, he’s only been close with me because of his interest in my friend. even then, you don’t need to know this. you’re in a relationship now, there are limits that i’m not gonna cross because you should be telling wonyoung this, not me.“
she paused, clenching her teeth to bite back the tears that were close to streaming. “i’m not your girlfriend. i’m not.. your girlfriend.” she repeated, letting the second sentence bring her back to reality.
there was a flicker in his eyes once she confirmed it — like his gaze shifted from what was once stern to a softer stare.
but he stayed quiet for a while, unsure of what to say.
tension filled the air, and it was beginning to suffocate y/n with how awkward and tense it was.
“i missed you, did you know that?” sunghoon croaked in the silence, lips faintly curling. “i missed you, and i missed how we were. what did i do that made you not talk to me anymore? because whatever it was, i’m sorry.”
he didn’t get the message, and he still wasn’t understanding.
the boy continued to go on and on, apologizing for whatever he did that could possibly upset her.
“sunghoon-“ but he kept blabbering.
“sunghoon-“ but he couldn’t stop thinking about what he did wrong.
“sunghoon!” she finally bursted, finally catching his attention.
he let his gaze fall on her and she heaved her chest in fear, feeling her legs become limb.
“i..,” her voice trailed off, stopping herself to not say the three words thats been stuck in her head. “i can’t be friends with you.”
her heart shriveled at the words that left her mouth. she didn’t know what’d spew out, but once it echoed in the room, she couldn’t take it back.
“what?” hoon softly murmured, taking small steps closer to her.
his face was close enough that she could feel his breath hit her skin, but not too close where his lips could ghost over hers.
“why?”
y/n’s gaze fell down to his lips and watched how it trembled. he was hurt.
her head was still drooped low until his finger hooked under her chin, bringing it up so they could lock eye contact.
“tell me.” he softly whispered, softened eyes indicating that he wanted to hear the truth.
the girl didn’t do anything, letting silence take over once more before a phone buzzed in the room.
the two snapped out of it, turning their attention towards the device and seeing the contact name of jungwon pop up.
‘are you guys coming? what’s taking you guys so long? ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ’
a sigh escaped from y/n’s lips as she finally backed away.
once the jacket and the phone was in her possession, she found sunghoon already close to the door.
he gave the cold shoulder, eyes faintly giving a glare towards her, but she still found a hint of her best friend in there.
he scoffed a little before leaving the practice room to herself.
right, she said they couldn’t be friends.
she sighed as she held herself back longer than intended so she wouldn’t cross with him, soon leaving to jay’s place right after.
.  . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆
as the night progressed further and y/n finally arrived not too long after sunghoon did, their movie night eventually begun.
the film was decided upon a vote, clearing it to be a horror movie, as always.
a few members situated themselves on the ground while others sat on the couch — including y/n who was comfortably by jake.
sunghoon stayed in the kitchen, gathering his snacks before approaching the group of idiots clustered into one.
“sunghoon hyung, i saved you a spot on the couch!” jungwon beamed, patting the cushioned seat though sitting on the ground.
the older boy grinned with a murmur of ‘thanks.’
but when he looked up at the people on the furniture, his heart slightly dropped. the girl who wasn’t his friend anymore was next to jake (like always).
he softly grumbled quiet curse words. was it jealousy again?
whatever. it wasn’t like he cared anyway. (he did)
✩ ‘you cling onto your papers and pens’ ✩
y/n was now squeezed between jake, who was all giddy about his current crush and sunghoon, who was her used-to-be best friend.
the film finally started and the lights were completely turned out for the full horror effect.
but the girl didn’t like horror movies. as much as she hated it, she couldn’t oppose to it with how much excitement thrilled the boys, so she forced herself.
or tried to force herself.
throughout the movie, she’d try to hide behind her hands, covering her eyes so she could only look at what she wanted to see.
sunghoon couldn’t help but linger his gaze over to her. he knew she didn’t like anything horror. heck, she used to scold him whenever he’d put it on to tease.
✩ ‘wait until you like me again’ ✩
watching her peek through her hands was adorable, and watching her quietly squeal at every small jumpscare was heart-throbbing.
wait. adorable and heart-throbbing?
was he going crazy?
he shook his head, hating that he slowly transitioned to this thinking.
the boy tried to change his attention back to the screen in front of him, but they’d still linger back onto her.
and of course she didn’t notice, her eyes were basically closed with how much she shielded herself away from the movie.
his heart always felt full at the sight of her. how could it not? the way she looked in desperate need to cling onto someone (him), and the way she was almost about to burst with how much horror movies bothered her.
he wanted to hold and comfort her, just anything for her to know that she shouldn’t fear such a thing, but as a friend right?
sunghoon chewed his cheeks in thought. how could he be thinking this when she stated she couldn’t be friends with him?
he sighed and forced himself to stare at the tv screen, hating the conflicting swelling in his chest.
.  . • ☆ . ° .• °:. *₊ ° . ☆
when the movie ended, most of the members had knocked out.
the ones on the ground overlapped legs and arms with each others while jake took up half of the couch, leaving y/n to curl up into a ball and be slightly close to sunghoon.
the only one awake was hoon, chuckling as he turned off the end credits of the movie.
once he was comfortably situated in the tight space, he scrolled through social media, laughing about whatever until he felt a sudden bump on his shoulder.
sunghoon paused once he confirmed what he thought it was. he took a gulp, and turned towards the direction of the thunk.
the sight in front of him had his heart fluttering. he found y/n soundlessly asleep with her head set on his shoulder, quiet snores leaving her mouth as she unintentionally snuggled closer.
he missed this. all he could think about was how they’d fall asleep after their own movie nights, and she’d rest against his shoulder with their height difference.
he smiled to himself, lips stupidly curling at every memory flooding back. then he’d think about every little thing y/n would laugh about, every small detail about him that she made sure to remember, every single recollection that they shared together.
then he started thinking about her and her personality that was made match in heaven to suit him.
and eventually, it’d lead to her attractive features — her crooked smile, her eye smiles, her constant nose crinkles, her adorable habits that he loved to copy.
god, he looked like an idiot with how much he smiled to himself.
he didn’t even smile like this when he thought about wonyoung, but he loved her, not y/n.
then the trickling fear hit him.
panic spread across his face as he looked back at the sound-asleep girl next to him.
his heart was almost beating out of his chest once he realized it.
she was right. they couldn’t be friends.
✩ ‘i’ll wait for your love’ ✩
★・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・・★
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zeldasnotes · 1 year
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PLUTO NOTES
MOON NOTES VENUS NOTES MARS NOTES NEPTUNE NOTES
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Plutonians and 8th housers can have a hard time with people being behind them. Also in the classroom, the bus or wherever they are they want to be in the back. They need their face facing the door so that they can see who walks in.
People with Pluto/Moon see stuff that other people just dont get to see. This is both good and bad. They get to experience intense and wonderful sexual relationships with others because they merge with others on a completely different level but they also recieve intense hatred from others too.
Dont ever mess with a Sun Square Pluto persons image or disrespect them infront of others, just dont.
Ive never met a person with Sun or Mercury Square Pluto who wasnt extremely strategic and calculating. They know when its time to leave the party.
If you have Venus/Pluto or Venus 8th house dont ever share to others who you are in love with. Just dont.
If you have Venus/Pluto or Venus 8th house and you notice people being completely taken by you, complimenting you bla bla for your beauty dont get all friendly and start trusting these people. Just wait and you will see that admiration turn to bitterness. A friend in my old class in High School got Venus Square Pluto and we had to watch another girl in our class try to BECOME her. Like she would buy the same clothes as her, talk like her, freaking SIT like her, cut her hair like her. We laughed at this bc the copycat was a nice and funny girl in general but it was creepy.
Most people with harsh Pluto aspects went through a time in their life where they shut down their feelings completely and became cold. These peoples minds can take them to dark places when they have been through trauma. Their first response to trauma might be to get cold. And this can make them very problematic until they heal. But when they heal they are the kindest, because they know pain.
When I hear the quote ”I didnt want to be strong I wanted to be happy.” I think of Pluto dominant people. Yes plutonians are strong but they were forced to, there was no other choice. Telling Plutonians ”But it made you stronger in the end” does not help because being strong was not their goal.
Ive seen Ceres(1) Square Pluto in a lot of charts of people who are obsessed with fitness and nutrition. Like people who weight their food, only eat a specific amount of calories etc.
Pluto/Moon people go through periods of extreme emotional turmoil. Especially the Square and Conjunction.
People with Sun or Moon Square Pluto always get what they want but they also get what they fear. Their feelings and thoughts are so strong. These people have experienced their worst fears happen to them. The kind of people to think for themselves ”I wouldnt be able to handle losing my bestfriend” and the next day their bestie leaves them for no reason. Its almost like there is some kind of test from life like ”Hmmm lets see how much this person can take😈”
Pluto conjunct a planet can in some cases make you suppress that placement or be afraid of that energy. I know a lot of people with Pluto Square Mars whos seriously afraid of conflict. Some people respond to trauma by becoming passive instead of being angered by it.
Pluto conjunct Ascendant in the Solar Return Chart makes you come across as more dominant and powerful. You wont think before you act because you are not as afraid this year.
Mars conjunct Pluto people are much more goal oriented than they even realize themselves. Constantly pushing themselves to become better and better. The kind of person to have the whole package like good job, fit, the best hair stylist, the latest clothes, the latest everything etc. Being the best is something they just do because they dont know anything else. They need structure and perfection. Nobody better look down on them. And Mars conjunct Pluto makes them driven enough to become ”perfect”. Others stare in awe because they could never have that drive. Others might be like ”You doing too much”. They dont realize this is what Mars/Pluto likes and needs.
Pluto in the 10th house makes someone have A LOT of haters and secret admirers. These people are constantly under intense scrutiny. Every word they say is made to be something bad or manipulative. The kind of person to say ”Oh what a beautiful dress!” And people will think they are being sarcastic when they are not. They got Regina George energy no matter how nice they are inside.
Pluto in the 3rd house really know what to say to make you hate yourself. If afflicted they can have a horrible mouth.
People with Mercury conjunct Pluto read into everything. Constantly finding flaws. Might see the worst in you because they project their own fears and insecurities onto others. The kind of person to hate people who snitch and gossip because they do it themselves.
People with a Plutonian Moon will recognize eachother at first sight.
Pluto conjunct Lust(4386) can make someone VERY sexual.
Pluto/Moon can mean your mom went to prison and Pluto/Sun can mean your dad went to prison.
With strong Pluto energy always remember this quote: ”Be nice to the people you meet on your way up, because you will need them on your way down.” Life can go from heaven to hell in a night for these people.
If you got Mercury Square Pluto please shut that cakehole when angry bc that mouth freaky as hell.
©️ 2023 Zeldas Notes
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sinkovia · 3 months
Text
Coffee Shop: IV
Simon Riley x Fem!Reader
You work at a small cafe that Simon starts visiting when he’s not deployed.
Coffee Shop Masterlist
As Simon made his way to the coffee shop, a realization struck him, he hadn't properly thanked you for the bookmarks you made him yesterday. The thought lingered in his mind as he pushed open the door, greeted by the comforting aroma of freshly baked goods and the sight of you waiting behind the counter.
A small smile tugged at his lips as you acknowledged his presence. “How was your walk here?” you asked, gently sliding the cup of tea over, careful not to spill any.
“Bloody cold,” 
“Yeah, it’s been getting a lot colder these past few days,” you noted, as he reached into the pocket of his jacket, pulling out the money and handing it to you. 
"What’s your favorite type of tea?" you thought to yourself for a moment as you place the money in the register.
"Probably chai tea" Nodding appreciatively, Simon grabbed the large mug off the counter. 
“Thanks for the cup, love” Simon offered a small smile as he walked to his table, settling down with the familiar book he had been engrossed in for the past few days.
Throughout his reading, Simon periodically checked the time on his watch, ensuring he caught you a few minutes before your break. Every few pages, his gaze would shift from his wrist to you and back to his book.
As the watch read ten minutes till your break, Simon got up, placed his book on the table, and walked up to you. “Could I get a cup of chai, love?”
“Of course,” you replied with a wide smile. The surprise in your eyes was evident as he ordered something other than his usual, and opting for something you liked, it added an extra layer of warmth to the usual routine.
A few minutes later you approached Simon's table with a calm grace, the mug held delicately in your hands. With a gentle touch, you placed it down in front of him, the rich aroma of chai swirling between you. You met his gaze with a genuine warmth in your eyes.
“It’s yours, love. My treat since I wasn't able to thank you properly for the bookmarks,” his words carried a sincerity that added a layer of sweetness to the moment.
A surprised and appreciative smile spread across your face. “Oh my god, this is so sweet, Simon. Thank you so much.”
Simon felt that familiar sensation, the same feeling he experienced yesterday when he first laid eyes on the drawing you made, capturing his essence with such care and detail.
That indescribable feeling swirled deep within his chest, it was a sensation that transcended mere physical warmth; it made his heart feel lighter. The genuine appreciation in your eyes, and the soft inviting atmosphere you always seemed to carry, it all contributed to this sensation within him.
The warmth became even more pronounced when you spoke his name, the syllables carrying a sense of familiarity. It was as if the universe had conspired to create these small but significant moments that left an indelible mark on his heart. Simon found himself reveling in the genuine and unexpected warmth that had become a defining element of his encounters with you.
"Nothing compared to the bookmarks you made me. You can sit if you’d like,” Simon motioned with his hand, his eyes warm with gratitude. You responded with a smile, beginning to untie your apron.
As you untied the apron strings, Simon couldn't help but admire the way you moved, the fluid grace in your motions. The comforting aroma of chai lingered in the air as you spoke, “Let me grab my book from the back really quick,” 
With that, you walked towards the back of the coffee shop. A minute later, you reappeared, holding a book in your hands. The way you speed walked back to the table with a certain lightness in your step made Simon smile. Taking a seat across from him, you softly scooted yourself in. Sipping your tea, you then opened your book, engrossing yourself in the pages.
Simon found himself struggling to focus on his own book. His eyes were inexplicably drawn to the bookmark—the drawing of himself facing up. It held an unexpected charm, and his gaze lingered on it longer than intended. He tried to shift his focus, glancing at you instead, but that only led to another distraction. He found himself watching you, the way you read with evident enjoyment.
In an attempt to divert his attention, Simon shifted his gaze to the title of your book. It became apparent that you were on the last pages, and he couldn't help but wonder about the story that had captured your interest. 
"What’s the book about?" 
“It’s about zombies, and this man, Joel, is trying to get this girl to this organization since she’s immune to the virus. Apparently Ellie—well, I probably shouldn't say anymore before I spoil another book for you. It’s really good. I could lend it to you if you’d like?”
“You wouldn't mind?” 
Simon, despite not having any prior interest in zombie stories, inexplicably found himself agreeing to borrow the book.
“Of course not, I only have a few pages left. I could give it to you once my break is over,” you offered with a warm smile, and Simon found himself nodding in agreement, glancing over to his watch wondering how much time he had left with you.
“Sounds good.”
Returning to your book, an audible gasp escaped you as you read the last pages. Simon's eyes lingered on the cute expressions you made, wondering what had captured your attention. His gaze shifted to the bookmark, and he furrowed his brows, wondering why you drew him in a way he had never seen himself. Deciding to wait until you were done reading, Simon postponed the question.
As you flipped the last page and closed the book, you looked up at Simon, who was already looking at you. You smiled, and he quickly slid over the bookmark, hoping you didn't think he had been staring for too long.
“You really see me this way?” he asked, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jacket.
Your brows furrowed as you looked down at the bookmark, then back up at him. “What do you mean?”
“The drawing looks really warm. You think I’m warm?” You picked up the bookmark, your eyes bouncing over it.
A smile touched your lips, "That's how I see you," you admitted. "A man who comes in every day, orders a cup of black tea, and sits with a book. Initially, I didn't think you'd give off that vibe, but you seem really warm—like a person someone could rely on for anything. Someone that's warm and safe, the kind of person you call after having a bad dream or when you're scared of thunder."
Simon laughed, seemingly flattered with a genuine warmth in his eyes "I didn't think I gave off that vibe."
Of course not, how could he ever think that about himself? He killed people for a living, but he didnt need to think about that right now. Right now he would let himself get lost in the world where he seemed like the type of guy you called to feel safe.
Shaking your head, you reassured him, your gaze holding his "But you do. If someone were to ask me, 'Hey, Y/n, who do you think gives really good hugs?' I would say the man that comes into the coffee shop every day and reads. You're like a big bear, you know? Not that you're big, hairy, or fat or anything, just warm."
His smile grew wider. "No, it's not weird. I like it. Being a bear sounds nice. I’m sure they’ve lived better lives than me."
“Nonsense, bears haven't been blessed with my cup of tea.”
Laughter bubbled up in you, weaving seamlessly into the cozy ambiance of the coffee shop. The warmth in the air seemed to intensify, not just from the comforting scent of coffee beans but also from the genuine connection that had flourished between you. 
In a moment of surprising boldness, he looked back at you, his eyes holding a certain vulnerability. "Would you call me if you had a bad dream?" he asked, the question hanging in the air, laden with a mix of curiosity and genuine interest.
The question caught you off guard, a hint of surprise playing on your features. You regarded him for a moment, appreciating the sincerity in his eyes. The warmth between you two seemed to grow.
A smile curved on your lips as you nodded, feeling a sense of comfort in the honesty of the exchange. "Yeah, I think I would." 
As Simon looked into your eyes, a mixture of surprise and gratitude reflected in his gaze. He couldn't help but wonder if you experienced bad dreams as frequently as he did. However, a realization hit him – you wouldn't be able to call him even if you wanted to. After all, you didn't have his number. 
Lost in thought, Simon grappled with the idea of asking for your number, contemplating whether keeping you at arm's length was the more sensible choice. Of course he only wanted it to talk about books, not that he actually wanted you to have his number in case you needed someone to call after a bad dream. He was at war with himself, denying that the warmth in his chest was anything more than the result of the warm tea he was drinking.
While Simon grappled with his thoughts, you gathered the courage to ask for his number, fingers fidgeting with the hem of your shirt. The perfect moment hung in the air, a now-or-never opportunity. The words were on the tip of your tongue—“Do you think…”—but his phone interrupted the moment, displaying 'Captain' on the screen.
“Sorry, love, gotta take this,” Simon sighed apologetically, and you nodded, a smile playing on your lips. He excused himself, stepping outside to take the call from Price. As the door closed behind him, you dropped your head into the palms of your hands, realizing that the perfect chance to ask him had quite literally slipped through your fingers.
Simon returned and stood next to you, "Gotta head out early, love," noticing the disappointment etched on your face. You nodded, attempting to conceal your feelings beneath a veil of composure as you handed him your book.
“Let me know what you think about the opening.”
“I will,” he assured, taking the book from you and tucking it under his arm.
“Walk safe,” you added, standing up and heading back to the counter with the cup of tea Simon had bought you. While you tried to remain composed, Simon sensed the disappointment lingering in the air. As he stood in place, Simon contemplated the call with Price—he was deploying tomorrow morning and would be gone for a month.
He turned and looked at you, taking small sips of your tea while you wiped the counter. The question lingered in his mind—should he tell you about his deployment? Would you even care? Doubtful, he thought; you probably couldn't care less.
Walking towards the door, he half-turned back, “Have a good day, love.” You looked up and smiled, “Thanks, Simon. You too.”
That same feeling, the warmth in his chest, lingered as his eyes focused on your smile. He forced himself to turn away, walking out into the cold that felt like a slap to the face as the door closed behind him. Despite a part of him wanting to turn back and stay in the warm embrace of the coffee shop, he knew he had to go home and get his things in order for the deployment tomorrow.
Every time I write for this series I think about Simon in the comics and I want to rip my hair out because he deserves to be happy. HE DESERVES TO BE HAPPY.
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ravenromanova · 6 months
Text
You’re such a bitch
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Pairings: Wanda x Female Avenger (Reader is an ex black widow)
Warnings: Enemies to lovers, Mean Wanda (For a little) SMUT DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDER 18+!!!!! Mommy kink, Fingering, ENCHANTED STRAPPPPP, Oral, Thigh riding. DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE UNDERAGE
Summary: When you get locked in a room with Wanda the two of you quickly figure out a way to solve your problems.
Kinktober masterlist - Main masterlist - Send me requests!!!
~
You could feel her eyes burning into the back of your skull as you landed blow after blow on the punching bag. She wasnt even supposed to be back from her mission yet but you weren’t gonna let her run you out of the training room You tried to ignore the daggers being thrown your way and just keep focusing but it was hard.
“Can i help you with something or are you just gonna keep staring at me?” You question the witch as you turn around to face her. She raises her eyebrow and scoffs at you.
“Just was seeing how the weakest link was doing” Venom dripped off Wandas voice as she spoke.
“Forget i asked” You pushed passed her grabbing you water and your bag before walking out of the training room not wanting to fight with her yet again.
Ever since you got recruited for the Avengers Wanda has been nothing but rude and bitchy. No one knows why in all honestly, everyone thought she would like you with how bubbly you were. But nope she treated you like a child, belittled your abilities and trauma, made you feel worthless and was just overall rude. At first you thought it was because you were new but its been three years of this. So you finally started snapping back at her and treating her like how she treated you.
And ever since you had started snapping back she had just gotten meaner. The team had tried to get you two to talk it through but that didn’t work. So they decided that the two of you weren’t allowed of missions alone or allowed to be along in general. Granted Wanda still got you alone just to belittle you like now.
“Why do you always run away? Scared of a little confrontation?” She sneered following behind you making you groan.
“Because why would i wanna sit here and listen to you belittle me Wanda? I dont even know what the hell i did to you” You replied feeling yourself getting worked up.
“Maybe if you weren’t a whiny child id actually like you” Wanda crossed her arms over her chest and tilting her head.
“You’re such a bitch you know that right? Ive been nothing but nice to you since i joined and you’ve been nothing but an ice cold bitch. I’m fucking done with it. I’m done with the snide remarks. I’m just done” Your words catch her off guard a little as she sees your resolve start to crumble. “You aren’t the only one who has to deal with shit and you just make my life ten times harder than it needs to be. Leave me the fuck alone” And with that you walk off to your room leaving Wanda in the hallway stunned.
As you walked away Wanda went to her room and just sat there feeling like shit. It’s not that Wanda didn’t like you… Hell she loved you but she was scared. She has never experienced love before and from the moment she met you she fell for you. You were bright eyed and bushy tailed when you first joined. You had been so nice and loving to her at first it threw her for a loop. So she thought that if she was bitchy towards you that you wouldn’t want to be near you. And it worked you started fighting back and Wanda was proud.. That was until she started to miss your sunny disposition. But she knew it was for the best atleast this way you weren’t tainted by her darkness.
When you had finally made it back to your room you had fallen onto your bed and broke down. You didn’t understand what you did to make her hate you so much and it killed you. Since the moment you joined the team the witch had your attention. She was beautiful and alluring and all you wanted was to be close to her until she started he shit. And once the bullying got out of hand you snapped back and it felt good and then you promised yourself you were gonna stick up for yourself.
You thought the shit you had to endure in The Red Room was bad? Nothing compared to the coldness you felt from Wanda. In all honesty you were still madly in love with her but gave up any hope of her being interested when the shit started. So you just decided to keep your distance from her even thought she never let it happen.
“Miss L/n Mr.Stark requests your presence in the conference room immediately” F.R.I.D.A.Y’s voice pulls you out of your thoughts and you reluctantly walk to the conference room.
When you had gotten to the room you saw Stark and Wanda. Stark looked like a disappointed dad and Wanda looked like a teenager getting yelled at. They both turned to look at you as you entered shooting Tony a confused look.
“Ah y/n sit please” He said motioning for you to sit and you chose a chair farthest from Wanda.
“Uh why am i here?” You ask starting to feel a little anxious. The witch groaned and rolled her eyes at your question making Tony scowl at her.
“Well F.R.I.D.A.Y had informed me of the encounter between the two of you this morning and i think it’s time the two of you talk it out.” Tony said with a look of genuine concern as he looked at you.
“I dont think thats necessary Stark. Just keep her away from me and I’ll be fine” You try to reason with him but he shakes his head despite your protests.
“I’m sorry but that just wont work. You two need to talk it out.” He said looking in between you and Wanda. Wanda huffed in annoyance and rolled her eyes while you tried to argue with Stark.
“You two are leaving this room until you work it out.” And with that he ran out of the room locking you two in it.
“STARK!” Wanda yelled banging on the door and trying to open it with her powers.
“Sorry witchy youre wiggly woos wont work” He said through the intercom. “Talk it out or be stuck in here forever” Then suddenly you heard him activate barn door protocol and the entire room went on lockdown.
“Oh my fucking god” You groan resting your head in your hands. Wanda kept trying to open the door with blasts but it didn’t work. She eventually gave up and slumped back into her chair not even bothering to look at you.
The room was filled with an uncomfortable silence as the two of you just sat there staring at the ceiling. Sure you could’ve used this time to actually solve your problems with the witch but if she wasnt going to talk neither were you.
“This is ridiculous” She mumbled under her breath running her hand through her hair.
“You’re the reason we are even here” You remind her making her scoff in annoyance. “Why do you even hate me anyways? What did i even do to you?” The question takes Wanda by surprise and she stands up and walks closer to you. She leaned against the table in front of you making your eyes meet hers.
“I-I dont hate you y/n” She said softly pulling a chair up and sitting next to you.
“Sure seems like you do” You remark with your eyebrow raised. Wanda sighed and shook her head at your statement.
“That means i did what i wanted” Her words made you title your head in confusion and you furrow your brows. “I pushed you away because i didn’t want you to get caught up in my darkness, everyone i have ever loved has died its like im cursed. And when you first joined you were so pure and sweet and-and it scared the shit out of me. I’m sorry i hurt you i meant to push you away… not hurt you” Wandas confession was not what you were expecting. You looked into her eyes to see if she was telling the truth and you saw nothing but genuine truth behind her words.
“You aren’t cursed Wanda” You said softly grabbing her hands and rubbing your thumb over her knuckles. “Bad things happen all the time but it doesn’t mean you should turn yourself away from the good things.” Wandas entire demeanor softened at your words. For the first time in a long time she thought that maybe she deserved something good.
“I’m so fucking sorry for the way i’ve treated you” She apologized cupping your cheek with her soft hand. It felt like time was moving slowly as you and her stared into each others eyes.
“Show me how sorry you are” You whispered leaning in close to her your lips hovering over hers. Wanda wasted no time in crashing her lips into yours. You moaned at the taste of her as you kissed her with more passion than you thought possible. She grabbed your hips and moved you to sit on her lip not breaking the kiss once.
Instinctively you started to grind your hips down onto her thigh to relive the throbbing in your core. Her hands found their way under your shirt and grasped at your clothed chest. She was quick to remove your clothes with her powers leaving you naked on her lap.
“So pretty malyshka” She whispered kissing below your ear. You kept grinding down on her thigh leaving a wet spot on her clothed thigh. Her ringed fingers found their way down your chest slowly making their way to your clit.
“Oh fuck” You moaned feeling her cold fingers rub circles on your clit. You started grinding yourself against her faster as she plays with you eliciting moans from you.
“Cum for malysh” She eggs you on by adding one finger into you making you moan in satisfaction.
“Oh fuck mommy-“ The title slips from your lips before you could stop it and you halt your movements and stare at her in embarrassment. She looked at you with wide eyes smiling at the name you called her.
“Say it again baby” Wanda pleaded looking up at you with her green eyes and devilish smile.
“Please mommy fuck me” You beg picking up grinding on her thigh making wet noises come from your pussy.
“Fuck-“ She muttered picking you up by your thighs then laid you down on the table and spreading your legs.
Her tongue darted out to lick a stripe on your pussy. She moaned at the taste of you invading her senses. She started eating you out like she’s never eaten before.
“Oh right there mommy!” Your hands flew to her hair when she adds two fingers in you hitting your g-spot. Wanda groans when she feels your walls clench around her fingers sending vibrations through you.
“G-Gonna cu-cum mommy fuck!” Your screams filled the office and you were never more thankful for soundproofing than you are now.
“Cum for me baby let go” She mumbles thrusting now three fingers in you. Her pace never relented as she fucked into you hitting all the right spots.
“FUCK!” You scream and the knot in your stomach snaps and you come undone on her tongue.
“So good malysh” Wanda praised bringing you in for a sloppy kiss. The mix of your arousal and her cherry chapstick makes you melt further into the kiss. Wanda flicks her wrist and her clothes come off and a strap appears on her waist.
Your eyed widened at the strap that adorned her waist. It was red and by father the biggest you have ever had. “Need to be in you baby” She groaned rubbing the faux cock against your puffy folds. Little did you know that the strap had been enchanted so she could feel everything.
“Fuck me mommy” You plead grasping at her to bring her closer to you. She smiled softly at you as her hands grasped the strap and slowly entered you. Once she bottomed out her hips stuttered at the feeling of your walls clenching down on her.
“So fucking tight” She moaned setting a slow pace careful not to hurt you. You were losing your mind feeling Wanda kiss your g-spot with the tip of the strap. The room was filled with both of your moans accompanied by the sound by skin slapping against each other.
“R-Right there mommy oh my god-“ Your moans are cut off as you cum for the second time.
“Such a good girl” She praised fucking into you as she chases her own orgasm. “Fuck!” Wanda grunted as she came . Her hips stilled and she pulled out of you slowly despite your whines.
“T-That was fucking amazing” You said sitting up on the table trying to catch your breath. Wanda chuckled and flicked her wrist dressing you both again.
“Agreed malysh” She whispered giving you a passionate kiss. The two of you got so lost in each other you didn’t even hear the locks and door opening.
“Well done you two” Tonys voice came from the intercom. You and Wanda both looked at each other and giggled.
The two of you walked out of the room and went back to Wandas room hand in hand with smiles on your faces. When you get to her room you lay on her bed with open arms. She laughs and crawls over to you and lays you down on her chest.
“I love you” She whispers kissing your head.
“I love you too” You said with a bright smile and gave her a kiss on the cheek. The rest of the night was spent with Wanda showing you just how much she loved you and you relishing in her love. Who knew the bitchy witch could be such a softie.
~The end~
I do not give permission for my work to be copied or translated on other cites
tag list @cakechan123
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mistydeyes · 7 months
Text
suppressed feelings of hatred
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summary: With the 141 gone and transferred to somewhere unknown, your life should've returned back to normal but you still find your self haunted by a singular man.
part i - behind closed doors part ii - hollow apologies and avoiding glances part iii - half empty glasses with unchanging perspectives
pairing: Simon "Ghost" Riley x gn!reader (but like not even a pairing at this point lol)
okay real talk here and same psa as before but please do not read if you are not comfortable with ANY OF THIS! it is upsetting in all aspects!!
warnings: mentions of torture/violence/cuts/scars, swearing, blood, abusive language, ANGST GALORE
a/n: AS PROMISED here we have part iv! not as heavy as the previous ones but trust me it sets up the next part of their story. i also have a few asks in my inbox with some amazing ideas and thoughts on the story so be sure to look for a q+a coming up!
 💌 @nadinesabre @casualunknownrunaway @originaldeerhottub @justpasssingby @missroro @josieguts @miss-i-ship-it @sicknasty03 @jojoblossom @azwong @shadofireshinobi @caramlizedtomatoes @deltottoro @kenz-ee @teehee-47 @tiredmetalenthusiast @hollowmasque @strawberrychita @capricorn-anon @rapture2009 @studioghiblijiji @bitchoftoji @mikeswifie
and for @lirikonjaa mmmmm just gotta be searching for that happy ending bc HAHa DARK TIMES ARE BACK FOR ECLIPSE
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“Love, it’s time to wake up,” you could hear a voice reassure you as you stretched your tired limbs in the warm sheets. You lazily moved the hair out of your eyes as you adapted to the stream of morning light. The room was warmly aglow and smelled vaguely of cinnamon and pancakes. Despite the unknown location, you felt comforted by the figure by your side. “Did you sleep well?” the voice asked as you turned over. In your bed, lay Simon with a boyish smile on his rested face. His torso was exposed and revealed a soft web of silvery scars.“Well enough,” you replied as you put a hand on his turned side. He moved an arm to caress your form. His touch was soft as he ran his fingers along your naked body. As you embraced the radiant sun and his smile, you could feel his arm move up to your shoulder and neck. “What are you doing?” was all you could muster out before you felt his hands tighten ever so slowly around your neck. “I’ll make sure to do the job right this time.”
“GET OFF OF ME!” you screamed as you jerked forward. Your forehead was slick with sweat as you gripped the cold sheets. You tore them off, exposing yourself to the night air of your quarters. You couldn’t help but throw the bottle of Trazadone that was mockingly sitting on your nightstand. It was added to your hefty regiment after you complained of insomnia and the inability to relax. Now you were blessed with horrifying dreams and the image of a singular masked individual.
Mere hours later you made the quick jog to your workstation. You could see your reflection on the shined letters of the wing. THE EDUCATIONAL & TRAINING SERVICES SECTOR it read and you couldn't help but scoff. Rather than a decorated and experienced sergeant, you were relinquished to be a glorified teacher's assistant. As you entered the bright desk space, you greeted your commanding officer with a monotone, "Good morning." He followed you as you sunk down at the sturdy wooden desk with the current files of the newest recruits. "Fresh from Pirbright," he commented before patting your shoulder and walking away. Even at the slight, platonic touch, you could feel shivers envelop your body. You dug your fingernails into the woven fabric of your khaki trousers as you tried to slow your breathing. "Everything alright?" your colleague asked as she looked around her stack of the newest training programmes and manuals. You gave her a slight wave of the hand and returned to the files. "Someone needs their coffee," she commented under her breath and it took everything in you not to throw the stack at her bun.
The day dragged on painstakingly slowly as you flipped through the confidential files of young teenagers, so full of life and energy. You envied their excitement in the photos as through their stoic smiles, you could see light within their eyes. You were like that once, 16 and ready to serve your country. Emphasis on once. "You don't know what you're getting yourself into," you could feel yourself repeating internally. When it came to the next file, you immediately slammed it closed, cutting your index finger in the process. You held your finger to your mouth, feeling nauseous at the taste of iron on your tongue. You could feel the pressure mount as you felt the piercing gaze of the office center on your hunched-over figure. Before anyone could rush over with fake sympathies, you slowly opened the file as it lay mockingly on your desk. 
You held in all emotions as you looked at the singular picture of the newest recruit. The name and details of the potential soldier grew hazy in your eyes but that wasn't what you found yourself focusing on. The boy's eyes were brown, almost black in the darkened lighting of the Pirbright intake center. The darkness dissipated into his deep eye bags which conveyed sleepless nights and perpetual insomnia. However, what made your throat rise in anxiety and ears ring with white noise was the way the deep-set eyes and feathery lashes stared into your soul. For those weren't the eyes of this random recruit, they were the eyes of a pre-mature killer. The eyes of a future torturer who coincidentally resembled the singular man who haunted your every dream. They contained the aura of a cold-hearted man, the eyes of Ghost.
As you felt exposed under the strong gaze, you could hear someone clear their throat behind you. "Something the matter, Sergeant?" your commanding officer said, a hint of kindness and concern in his voice. You struggled to keep your cool as you turned back to him. "Just a little tired, Captain," you replied to the best of your ability, "you know the eye strain and all." As you covered your lie with a hollow laugh, he shook his head. "Take the rest of the day off," he instructed, "Pirbright isn't bussing them over until next week." With that, you got up from your desk and pocketed your few belongings. You could feel your fingernails pierce into the thin flesh of your palms as you exited. You wanted to scream the minute you entered back into the hallway to the barracks. You hated the way people looked at you like a kicked puppy or the sympathetic tones that laced every conversation. Hell, ever since last month, you should've been ecstatic. 
"We're transferring," Gaz said after a surprise visit to your side of the base. You were enraged at the bold gesture as he stood there in his stupid cap. He was in your safe space, the only place you could run away from it all and not have to have any reminder of them. To his "farewell", you nodded as you gritted your teeth. It was a thoughtless gesture that he saw through. A pitiful attempt to keep up appearances to the gazes of the office. "That's great news," you said, fake enthusiasm coating your voice. His smile faltered as he stuck out a hand to you. Staring back at it, you let your facade fall and put your hands back behind your back. "Goodbye, Gaz." you simply remarked before retreating out of his pitiful sight. 
Yet as you returned back to your dim room, you felt like you were drowning in a sea of emotions. You kicked the closed door before turning on the lights to reveal a small manila folder on the ground. You cautiously approached it before picking it up gingerly and laying it on your desk. As you opened the folder up, you were distracted by a singular bold color in your periphery. A red post-it note. You found yourself grinning at the sight of it as you held it in your trembling hands. The file's contents were the least of your concerns as you smiled at the words scribbled in black ink. It practically looked like a calling card that answered your frustrations, as if someone knew and shared in your deep hatred for the 141. “Heard you needed someone, contact P.G. You know where to find him, Eclipse.”
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dunmeshi-darlings · 1 month
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Can we get the reader being flirted with/ seduced by Laios possessed by the winged lion? Maybe he knows y/n has a crush on Laios, or has some other motive?
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"there you are..my darling Y/N" It spoke in his voice...but it was not him. It Had his body...but it was not him. it smiled at you with his face...but it was not him. Laios touden stared at you, his eyes transfixed on you, But what you stared at was not laios touden...It was that thing
You tell the being that you wont fall for its lies, that you KNOW it isnt laios. It chuckles, Its the same chuckle you had heard time and time before..a chuckle that had made you smile and chuckle in return, a sound that usually fills you with a warmth in your chest...but not now, now it filled you with an ice cold dread. "ah but is that not what you most desire? To have him call you his darling? ah, love and hunger...the two oldest of humanities desires."
The way it accentuates the word "Desire" made your skin crawl, its words felt so wrong and the fact it was in HIS voice made you all the more sicker....but something in you squirmed because it wasnt lying..it spoke the truth.
"I see your doubts, i speak the truth. i know of you and your kind and of your desires, is it so wrong to wish to be loved? love can start wars, it can end wars...love can topple kingdoms. Out of all the desires i have tasted in my time...love is perhaps the most delicious of them all, such a sweet intoxicating flavor...and i feel like yours would be the most delicious of meals ive had in centuries." The being spoke, slowly making its way towards you and taking one of your hands in his. You had longed to hold his hands like this, to hold it like a lovers. But this was not what you wanted, it felt wrong and yet it felt so right, it felt liberating and freeing. It felt intoxicating, like a deep wine you know you arnt allowed to have. You can only stare at him...it...whatever stood before you.
"In all my years ive experienced your world, i will admit you are a dazzling creation, Perhaps even more delicious than desire itself. I can see what laios sees in you, oh yes indeed...he has desires for you as well. I can feel them now, as i look at you i can feel the desires stirring within this form. And your desires are even stronger than his...come now dear, join me, join him. Be one together and indulge your desires, the three of us can make SUCH beautiful desires. I know just how much you wish for it, hoping for it every day, dreaming of being together...embrace your dreams my darling, embrace your desires. Do you not wish to follow your dreams? would you turn down that which you have always wanted?" the demon says, slowly pulling you into a soft hug. Your body freezes up, your mind reeling and fighting itself. You know this isnt laios, you know this is that thing...but would it be so wrong to welcome this? After all it may be a delusion, but if a delusion is inseparable from the real then does it truly matter? Would you truly turn away that which you have wanted for so...so..so long...what would should you do?
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amostnobleyandere · 1 year
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Yandere! Noble! Scaramouche x GN! Reader (Arranged Marriage)
A/N: hey look first post!!!! this blog is basically just a place to dump my thoughts on yanderes and situations w them// if you’re not comfortable w that, please leave!!! this is not the place for you
GN reader but!!! the word “bride” is used once so do w that what you will .
remember, this is a mature blog !!! don’t like don’t read!!!!!!!!
warning(s): male! yandere, toxic relationships, slightly narcissistic yandere, verbal abuse, child neglect, arranged marriage, toxic behavior, bad parenting skills, loneliness, obsession, yandere scaramouche, scaramouche is his own warningetc. etc.
Synopsis: there’s this specific scenario ive been thinking of lately : an enemies to lovers, but with a yandere that is particularly bitter and hasn’t really experienced an unconditional love before but then his initial hatred of you turns into an obsession. I thought scara was perfect for it :)
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neither of you had wanted to get married; you, the child of the last bloodline of a falling noble family, and scaramouche, heir to one of the wealthiest and most prestigious names in the empire, would have never been pushed to marry under normal circumstances. it could only be assumed that fate had revealed its hand and placed its destiny upon you.
you had never even met the young man that society had branded as ruthlessly curt with a lash-like tongue. you had never expected to, considering how far apart you were, in different circles and in different worlds
he was the duchess’ nephew and only heir, and was untouchable in both stature and power. in contrast, your family name was declining rapidly. you knew why your mother and father had accepted the marriage proposal the day it came, and you knew why they decide not to tell you until the letter in reply had already been sent. you had no say in the matter
how you parents arranged a marriage between the two of you? well, you could certainly guess; noble ladies gossiped and gasped about the young man who was rich with a handsome face, but with an incredibly arrogant personality and a razor tongue that both reflected his wit and endless scorn. you thought that the rumors must have been over exaggerated, as they always were, but for the duchess to have to reach out to your family to find a spouse for her son? had all the other contestants being rejected, and now they were picking through the scraps that were left? or perhaps, had they rejected him?
now, you weren’t so sure
even then, some part of you had never thought they would agree to something like this; they had concluded that this was what was best for you, had even told you that you will live a much happier life if you were in a household that wasn’t always on the edge of crumbling and giving way to time; you could see that they did have the best of intentions. and still, you felt betrayed
unbeknownst to you, at the time, your fiancé had felt the same way toward his mother; the expression of his feelings on the matter, however, included a lot more yelling and rage in his questions as to why he was being dragged into this. he was used to being disappointed, but being so blatantly used?
unfortunately, scaramouche’s defiance was only met with a cold silence and a blank stare, and after he had vehemently denied to go along with the marriage, his mother had only said that nothing could be done. he had no choice in the matter.
and the gentle glint in her eyes, that had still remained their after all these years, that stayed as she firmly reprimanded him, only served to make him more furious.
and so, his resentment for you, the other victim in this situation, came naturally.
when he met you for the first time, his regularly crass and sarcastic attitude only got worse. you could see the embarrassment dawn on both your parents’ and his mother’s faces, cringing every time his voice got a little too loud or when he said something particularly blunt. he made snide comments on your upbringing, your title, even your clothing wasn’t spared the ruthless bite of his words. between his curt and cold attitude and your futile attempts at making conversation, you two didn’t exactly hit it off when you first met
and then, when you finally got sick of it and told him what exactly you thought of his words and his money and where he could shove them, his resentment turned into something much more personal: spite.
he reasoned that he had every right to hate you. to be overly rude and childish whenever you so much as got the idea to be five feet near him. he never asked for the marriage. he doesn’t care about how much it would benefit the two of you, and he’s long past trying to finally please his mother into loving him, so why should he have to act like the perfect husband for someone who is below him?
your parents seemed to love you plenty though. if their guilty eyes and shifty glances were anything to go by. even if they were shamelessly grabbing at the wealth and prestige of another family, he could tell that this marriage was meant for you and your future. even if you didn’t want it. even if you seemed to dread it. every time they brought you over for a scheduled date in the lonely garden at the back of the duchess’s estate, there seemed to be a subtle pain in their eyes.
perhaps, a paternal regret at having to make their child miserable so that they could eventually have the things they weren’t able to give them.
…well, it gave him more reason to torment you.
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there seemed to be no way out of the awkward meetings. your parents were hell bent on having scaramouche as your husband, and his mother was just as determined. so, when you did have to suffer through seeing each other, you kept trading thinly veiled insults, practically sulking every time you heard the others name, and bickering with the each other at every opportunity. it became a familiar routine for the two of you, to not get along and verbalize your frustrations through jabs and taunts
strangely enough, scaramouche grew fond of the bickering. you were practically the only person who would speak to him so casually. with so little respect and without fear of him blowing up. he thought it was refreshing. no one hardly ever talked to him anymore, and even a child that had everything and more could not curb his own loneliness by himself…he would never tell you that, though.
he thought that at least it was entertaining to tease you. actually, if you weren’t so annoying, he might have actually gone as far to say it’s pleasant having you in his company. It certainly beats the large, lonely house he had to wander every day.
plus, when was the last time he had talked this much? when someone had looked at him and acknowledged his existence without him having to work for it?
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as the engagement progressed, you two ended up spending hours together every week, whether you wanted to or not, and while you were mentally and emotionally exhausted from the stress your parents were putting you through, he’s looking forward to your meetings like they’re the highlight of his week…it’s ridiculous, he thinks, and he thinks, and he thinks, and oh god now he can’t get you out of his head.
then suddenly, you’re calling it off. the whole engagement. miraculously, you guilted your parents into going back on what they had agreed to.
his mother is appalled and frustrated, a bit exasperated now that she has to find another suitable bride for her son.
scaramouche is beyond furious.
he goes quiet with rage. he’s more snappish now, towards the maids, towards everyone. his attitude is no longer his usual arrogance and crudeness. his usual bitterness rose into an explosive temper and ruthless training just to keep himself confined to a state of sanity. there is, once again, for the first time in many, many years, an unmistakable fear of abandonment that is raging in his head. he feels so wronged.
and it’s your fault.
and then, he goes silent. if they thought it was bad when he talked, see what they think when he’s quiet.
for his mother, it’s unnerving. to the servants, it’s downright terrifying.
no one realizes that he’s calculating. no one really expects it. everyone assumed this was one big temper tantrum after suffering a huge blow to his pride.
scaramouche was really only clutching his shattered heart after giving it to someone who threw it away.
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what he wants at first is revenge.
that’s what he wants to think he wants. he wants to make things even between the two of you; make you suffer like you made him. force his way into your mind in the worst way possible, and keep himself there to get the message across.
for the first few agonizing days after the annulment, he thinks; maybe that he should tamper with your parents businesses and make you a pauper, someone who is reduced to having to take care of their parents after you fall from the graces of society. and then, after that, he’s hoping you’d come crawling back to him, and ask for his help and his hand. and he’d oh-so graciously accept you back into his life; not before making you beg for it, though.
then again, perhaps toying with whatever lover you have would be a good way to get back at you. he just assumes that you have one, because you must, for you to just abandon him like that.
you should have just stayed.
either way, he’s going to make you regret it.
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it doesn’t take much for scaramouche to convince his mother to have a much needed talk with your parents.
and despite everything she’s done, ei does want to make her son happy. she wasn’t blind after all; he’s always seemed to be on edge, ever since the accident, but he had changed in the short amount of time he had know you. the boy she had failed to raise and care for, someone who was now so far out of her reach, seemed to be more calm and content when you were by his side. it had been a long time since she had seen her nephew look forward to something this much.
whether you want the engagement or not matters less to her.
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and so, your resistance all comes apart so easily. Ei is one of the most powerful people in the empire, so it doesn’t take much effort before she’s luring your parents into throwing you back to them and into scaramouche’s waiting arms. It would be the least she could do as his mother
it’s only a matter of time before you’re resting in the palm of his hand once again; the engagement is back on, running smoothly towards your fast approaching wedding, like your little rebellious mishap never even happened
scaramouche is reveling in it. he feels as though he’s won. and in truth, he has. he imagines the look on your face, how you’ll have to greet him eventually, look him in the eyes after tossing him to the side and then losing, and thinks about how he’s going to make your reunion as painful as possible when you do meet again
his wishes are fulfilled when not even a month later are you pushed into the expansive garden by servants and abandoned by them even quicker, watching them scurry away with pale but oddly relieved faces. once again, you were meant to suffer through another lunch date after you thought you had finally escaped and left the gloomy estate behind forever.
the familiar stone pathway and expansive flora only served to bring back bad memories of your failed attempt to gain your freedom and reminded you of what you would have to look forward to for the rest of your life. it’s only the scuffle of boots against the ground that brought you back to reality.
you knew exactly who was standing behind you.
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when scaramouche saw you standing there, muscles taught and shoulders tensed as you refused to look at him, he took his time observing you, savoring the moment and committing it to memory.
his slow and deliberate footsteps did little to calm your fraying nerves. You were both surrounded by tall hedges and the gentle sound of water coming from nearby fountains. no one else was around. You were completely isolated, with only your fiancé- no, your crazed future husband- keeping you company.
and as always, his presence was suffocating.
“you know, trying to run away from me was cute, but it got annoying after the joke was over. did you really think you could go against a duchy? don’t make me laugh.” his voice had a high and condescending lit to it that seemed to grate against your ears. your stony facade crumbled soon after, instantly revealing the confusion and panic that welled in your chest.
“…why did you do it?” your voice came out hoarse and low. you whirled around, finally looking into those violet eyes. scaramouche felt a shiver of excitement run up his spine as your watery gaze met his.
“you hated this engagement just as much as I did. why did you drag me back here? we both could’ve been free.” a bitter laugh escaped your throat that pathetically choked off into a sob.
he laughed lowly as his head titled down, shielding his eyes from you. the sight made you shudder involuntarily.
“‘drag you back?’ deary, you belong to me. you did the moment I decided I wanted you. what you want doesn’t matter anymore. You don’t know what’s good for yourself, clearly.”
when he lifted his head back up to meet your eyes, he was smiling. the soft turn of his lips wasn’t full of cruelty or malice, scorn or hatred, and somehow that made the uncharacteristically gentle look so, so much worse.
scaramouche picked up your limp hand, gently turning it over, and slipped a ring onto it. it was like putting a heavy shackle on a caged bird; it was needless and unnecessary, you were already trapped. the world did not need anything else but the duchess’s final word to let everyone know who you belonged to.
but, as you stood there staring blankly ahead, you noticed scaramouche seemed genuinely happy to see the band resting on your finger.
the smile he wore turned more playful, more mocking, as those piercing eyes looked at you as if you were pitiful and small, beneath him, something that needed guidance
and his purple eyes locked with yours as he slowly pulled you to him and brought you into a soft kiss.
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“Give me your love. Give me your validation. Hand yourself over to me, body, mind, and soul.”
“And what if I don’t want to?”
“Darling, do you think you have a choice?”
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eluxcastar · 4 months
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hi ive never written a request before so im sorry if its bad or too vague
could you write a dottore with an adopted child reader? like maybe he found them on the outskirts of a small town and just was like “im adopting you now”?
Dottore slightly dadfailing his way to fatherhood
── ୨୧:il dottore & reader
୨୧﹑synopsis :: dadtore picks up a kid and takes it in like a box kitten
୨୧﹑genre :: fluff
୨୧﹑content :: gn reader, child reader, reader's backstory is mostly ambiguous, this is literally exactly as is written on the tin
୨୧﹑words :: 753
you're doing just fine honey I'm sorry you've had to wait so long for me to complete this and the fact that it's basically a ramble, I'm just getting back into it so please forgive that it's slightly messy
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It was cold when he found you, too cold for a child to wander about unchecked. Little children were never his thing, but scooping you up under your arms like a boneless little ragdoll and carting you off with him that night felt right somehow.
It would be simple to discard you on the doorstep of the House of the Hearth and simply forget you had existed, as that is hardly uncommon in the children there. Being delegated to the orphanage by a Harbinger is usually a visual shorthand: "They had parents once- just yesterday, in fact. Thanks to the Fatui's involvement, they don't anymore."
You're different. Circumstances demand it when Dottore has no access to the House.
Dottore swaddled you in his coat, shedding it in the same motion he scooped you up, carried you back into town where he could set you up on the closest thing you could get to a bed, situated on a chair in the basement where he got you a change of clothes. You didn't ask where they came from or what he did with your old clothes.
A bath of warm water did you well, easing the chill in your bones and washing away the dirt sticking to your skin. You popped the soapy bubbles with your fingers and sat quietly as the water ran over you. Dottore is good at giving baths, experienced from the days of sterilising subjects.
It's nice to feel clean. Dottore let you get out on your own and dress yourself in a fresh change of clothes.
The pillows were thin, blankets not enough to keep out the cold, but for the first night, he let you keep his coat.
Perhaps he intended to turn you over at that time, but a month has passed, and nothing has happened. You thought Dottore would be cold and distant, but he lets you poke around and play with things befitting a child. You watch and observe what he does but don't understand it. Many ask, and he evades answering.
Dottore isn't one for affection, not typically, and you've given up on having him read to you or play with you. It's not in his nature to treat you too softly. You have to be self-sufficient because his work demands it, and while he can monitor you, he can't stop to cut the crust off your sandwiches or do any more than offer that you sit by his side when you get scared.
He cares, but not typically. At first, it's almost...comforting how little he tries to push you into normalcy when you're so used to being by yourself. You can wander and aren't coddled too much beyond being unable to get into dangerous things.
You're well-fed and well-dressed, and you get to listen to Scaramouche, the strange doll man when he comes down. By all means, you are well-kept for a child. Apparently, it is because he got attached, as Scaramouche put it.
You don't quite understand how that could motivate him until he points out everything he's done, from making you comfortable to buying you clothes and even embracing you as his own. Rearranging the way he stores things to practically babyproof his lab was a feat just so you could wander around it safely in a place where he can watch you easily. How could he give you up? He obviously has no intention to.
It feels like the lightbulb to your little mind that sets off a domino effect as you look around you and start to realise these things. There is almost the sense that, despite Dottore’s informality towards his role as a father, Dottore doesn't want to give you up to the orphanage and maybe never did in the first place.
He likes it when you pester him and have to rely on him. He set everything that could kill you on the highest possible shelf, took note of the clothes you didn't like, the foods that put you off eating and collected the blankets he could find to make your bed more cosy, the occasional toy, plenty of visitors coming in and out to listen to. It's always warm where you sit.
Dottore let you keep borrowing his coat to sleep under, and you even convinced him to read you a storybook, if only once. There are many nights you fall asleep somewhere and wake up wrapped up in blankets and his coat, just as you like.
It seems very pleasant to live this way.
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faerievampling · 2 months
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hey! i just found your blog and just read all your stuff,,,, i’m in LOVE. you’re such a good writer!!!
saw that your requests were open and please ignore if this doesn’t vibe with you, but could i please request astarion (ascended or otherwise it doesn’t matter to me) headcanons (or whatever format that’s easiest for you) with a F!reader whose really insecure about her looks and body and her sexual inexperience? like she puts on a really tough front for the world, but when it comes to physical touch and intimacy she’s really nervous.
i’m so sorry if this is way too specific or weird or whatever literally ignore this. thank you so much and i hope you have a wonderful week my love <3
Hi thank you so much. I love doing these and i love this idea and IVE GOT YOU. I hope you enjoy ❤️‍🔥 disclaimer this is kinda just my stream of consciousness and what happened happened lol
Pairing: Astarion x F!Reader
warning: 18+! Explicit.
When you first met Astarion, his devastating beauty and intense flirtations intimidated you.
He was so gorgeous, and you thought yourself incredibly average, certainly not good looking enough to reasonably catch the eye of someone as beautiful as Astarion.
Not to mention—Astarion was so experienced, and you were just the opposite. You had very few sexual experiences, maybe even none at all. It only added to your insecurities about your looks and body.
You hid these feelings well, so much so that Astarion seemed non-the-wiser. He thought maybe you were just cold to him; so he worked even harder to warm you up.
Earning your trust and thus your body became a goal of Astarion’s, and he lavished all his attentions on you.
It irritated you, only because you couldn’t tell if he was being genuine with you. It hurt to think that he was just playing with you.
When Astarion finally sleeps with you, it was something you had both been waiting on, both been yearning for. Because of your cool demeanor and general reserved disposition, it takes you a while to finally trust Astarion. Of course, you had desperately wanted him since you first met him, but you had self control.
Astarion is slow to explore your body, which only adds to your vulnerability. He focuses on your breasts, your hips, all the little erogenous zones you didn’t even realize you had: your ear, the crook of your neck, the back of your knees, the space just above your tail bone on your lower back, even your toes, which he would massage one by one, despite how much it tickled you.
He focuses on making you feel exceptionally good the first night you’re with him, almost like he has something to prove. He’s never had to work this hard to fuck someone before. Poor Astarion! Don’t worry, he will get you back by using your body to pleasure himself. After the first night, you’ll surely be his forever, anyways.
After he’s done exploring the outside of your body, he focuses inward, using his fingers and tongue to explore your entrances. Astarion wants to know all of you. He is definitely the type to want to use all of your available holes if you’re ready and willing lol.
He will want to know the parts of you that have been unexplored by other lovers. This may even be a big deal to him.
But you’re shy, and you try to close your knees, try to cover your breasts or your belly, hiding yourself from him. But Astarion is so genuine in his attraction to you, and his hard cock will speak for itself most of the time.
Whatever imperfection you may have, I imagine Astarion to worship it, and he might even help you learn to love this part of you.
If you’ve told him about your insecurity, he’s very careful to help you overcome it and feel adored.
If you keep your insecurity from him, which I would imagine an aloof and bull-headed Tav to do, he quickly finds out from your first time together. As soon as he pressed his lips to yours, he can sense your hesitation, your walls going up as his hands find your waist.
You quiver beneath him, maybe you even pull away; but Astarion only brings you closer, chiding you for shying away from him.
“You are so beautiful, love, why would you ever shy away from me?”
Whether your a virgin or simply inexperienced, Astarion is very careful with your body: he cares for you, he wants you, and he will use his experienced digits and tongue in you, likely making you come even quicker than he had intended.
He’s endeared by it, humored by it, not laughing at you, per se, but with you. Your innocence cute to him. It just made him want to ravish you further, to see how else your sensitive body responds to him.
I think all versions of Astarion would be into corrupting you and teaching you how to please him, and even yourself.
Since the two of you have come to know each other fully in both body and soul, Astarion would love teaching you how to make yourself feel good. I love the idea of Astarion teaching his darling in the ways of pleasure.
Imagine, years after being with Astarion, the two of you are so happy and known. You would have forgotten what you were so worried about in the first place, because your vampire reminds you just how beautiful and fair you are each and every day.
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