#its. its like hes autistic but his special interest is social interaction so the result is the world's most Normal Guy.

[cienie-isengardu]

There is one thing that you mention a lot and it is Bi-Han's lack of social skills and well I do not agree at all, that is, Bi-Han as with Sektor is quite introverted but I do believe that the Lin kuei taught them social skills to be able to infiltrate them among the people during missions. Bi-Han I think he has manners and social skills but he doesn't hide when he doesn't like someone. He was sarcastic with Quan chi but at no time did he insult him or refuse to do his job

I do not have any doubt that Bi-Han’s speech patterns depend on whom he is interacting (x) but as much as honesty and straightforwardness are in itself valuable traits, frankness is not always an acceptable choice to rely on. Having social skills helps to navigate how to behave and talk to different people to not overstep or break generally accepted norms and in result, to build a healthy relationship, or in case of living in a strict warrior society, to not get in trouble. Bi-Han for me lacks in this department, especially in mentioned interaction with Quan Chi, because he was not on equal ground with the sorcerer yet had this borderline challenging attitude. And most likely yes, some of the rudeness came from not liking nor respecting the suspicious guy that already proved to be some insidious bastard for hiring another man for the same job. But the thing is, he wasn’t there to question a lucrative customer that was personally approved by the Grandmaster and he should keep his accusations and rude remarks to himself, not throw it into the sorcerer's face just like that.

I mean, as much as dark and evil Lin Kuei are, customer service is a vital part of the earning money process. Bi-Han wasn’t there as equal to Grandmaster (the superior whom he swore to obey) nor Quan Chi (approved client). Between these three characters, Sub-Zero was just a tool to finish an already made transaction, no one was interested in what he thought or felt at that moment. As much as the accusation to some degree may be forgiven, since Quan Chi openly antagonized Sub-Zero by calling Lin Kuei the ninja (an intended insult) and admitted to hiring Shiray Ryu (the enemy of Lin Kuei), he shouldn’t be so aggressive nor so open. It toned down once Grandmaster stopped their argument. Even then, Bi-Han could - should - ask about the mission in a more polite or at least neutral way, instead of “If it's so precious, why don't you get it yourself?”, since his superior made it clear Sub-Zero is gonna do another job for the client (“Now you will use the map on your next mission. Quan Chi has once again retained your services”).

The whole situation feel to me like Grandmaster promised Quan Chi the best man for the job but said man had this “fuck you” attitude from the start. Sub-Zero represented Lin Kuei but instead of the professional and obedient subordinate of Grandmaster there was an abrasive warrior who called Quan Chi on his lies and backed down only because his boss had enough of his attitude and the pointless argument. Not the best social awareness if you ask me.

Bi-Han wasn’t any more polite to Raiden (“That's it? Not even a thank you?”) and either deliberately provoked Scorpion during the Tournament or he was simply brutally honest about not caring about Shirai Ryu’s fate. Which, considering what he knew about the massacre, Scorpion’s obsession about him and just heard Hanzo’s promise to not kill him, he was stubbornly arrogant or really lacked empathy or good understanding of emotional impact his words may have on his sworn enemy. Considering how Bi-Han is described as “the most cunning” above all, we know he is pretty intelligent. But his harsh, abrasive, often confrontational behaviour makes me think he is good with cold logic, not exactly with empathy and because of that, he is not always reading the situation well and may “forget his place” when dealing with people he does not respect or care about or outright provoke them in the worst way. The whole argument with Quan Chi in the first place shouldn’t even happen because really, it wouldn’t be the first time an outsider (client) didn't care about the assassin's life and saw him as just a tool. Grandmaster himself wasn’t bothered nor surprised by Quan Chi’s deal with Shirai Ryu and so Bi-Han’s outburst is even more out of place in my opinion.

How much of this is Bi-Han’s intention to be a rude bastard and how much came from limited social skills (and maybe from introverted nature?) is of course up to debate. But to be fair, all cryomancers have this cheeky and passive-aggressive attitude in common (Frost for example seems like being constantly angry at everyone and doesn’t hold her sharp tongue, younger Kuai Liang literally disturbed Mortal Kombat last Tournament and told Shao Kahn to give him murderer of brother, Conquest!Sub-Zero was no less stubborn and asocial). I do see cryomancers in general as the asocial, aromantic & asexual (maybe even autistic to some degree?) people whose natural coldness may have handicapped sense of social norms and the fact that they are trained killers (thus have empathy dulled even more) don’t help at all.

At the same time, I strongly believe that not every warrior was constantly or even often working undercover and Lin Kuei used its members adequately to their skills. Some are better at spying (thus are better at interacting with people to get the needed information), some are better killers (whose interaction with people doesn't matter as long as the job is finished). There is not enough source material to say for sure what was Bi-Han’s specialization but Mythologies: Sub-Zero strongly suggest is was actually assassination and theft, as we were told by Grandmaster (“Once again, our most cunning assassin and thief is successful.”). The known jobs he did involved breaking into heavily guarded places (Shaolin Temple, Temple of Elements) to steal artifacts and killing people on the way. There was no need for Bi-Han to have any social skills nor during the Mortal Kombat Tournament, when he was hired exactly to eliminate (kill) Earthrealm’s Champions. Of course, this is barely the tip of the iceberg, more or less the last year of Bi-Han’s life, but if he truly was one of the clan's best, sending him on long-term undercover missions could be a waste of an opportunity for profitable earnings. I mean, stealing and killing are usually short-termed jobs, the “go in and get out” as fast as possible to not leave any trace behind. Those jobs of course also take time for proper preparation but because of its specific nature, a warrior can be sent from one place to another almost immediately, especially if the lucrative customer (like Shang Tsung or Quan Chi) needs to solve an urgent problems quickly. The game and movies are separated sources, but Mortal Kombat (2021) seems too put Bi-Han mainly on the assassination jobs or staying at Shang Tsung’s side than anything truly involding good understanding of social ettiquete; beside the sorcerer, Bi-Han did not interact much with other people, even with his own allies. Then there is the possibility that Bi-Han could work ultimately more in lawless, wild Outworld than modern Earthrealm which also would affect his behaviour and sense of social norms.

I believe Bi-Han took some undercover missions, but I see him more like operating in the city to do some quick dirty jobs and moving to another target than staying in one place for months while playing “normal” human being. That way he was more useful to clan by earning good money in short period of time and maybe correcting faults of other warriors (supervising them) or killing Shirai Ruy / enemy’s agents along the way. He probably could fit into society for a specified period of time if that was absolutely necessary but I don’t think it happened often. And even then, he most likely kept to himself because Bi-Han is introverted by nature.

At the end of day, the coldness and social detachment was a useful trait for a killer and murdering was most likely Sub-Zero’s expertise so forcing him to spend months on anything else seems to me like wasting both his potential and good job offers. So the Grandmaster (Lin Kuei) could tolerate Sub-Zero’s natural frankness because his social skills weren’t ever the priority.

Bi-Han’s abrasive ways to communicate with others, lack of empathy, the visible isolating himself leads me to think he lacks social skills (and maybe even could fit somewhere on autistic spectrum). At this point of time, I think cryomancers in general are dense when it comes to social norms and interacting with people and I don’t mean it as they are stupid or unable to learn. They just have different (mental?) mindset about such things than other people, even other Lin Kuei warriors. Of course, it is just my take on the matter so anyone can disagree : )

(Ironically, I have the impression that Sektor would do better in long-term undercover work than Bi-Han but he is hardly better at pretending to be a normal human being. The difference is that he is the quiet type easy to overlook while anyone not familiar with Bi-Han's specific behaviour will see him as the rude bastard.)

#mortal kombat #my replies #bi han #sub zero #sektor #lin kuei #cryomancers #are in my mind the asocial aromantic asexual group that has zero social skills #which is why they seems to be the angry rude bastards with no will to change in that matter #you can rip this headcanon #from my cold dead hands #also lately more and more i wonder if Bi-Han (and Sektor for that matter) is not autistic to some degree #with the visible isolating himself and bad communication skills #ramblings #anyway i think there is not enough sources to tell for sure if bi han is just a rude bastard or just bad at talking to other people

[dannyphantom-rewrite]

Character ref for; Jack, Maddie and Jazz,

Art by @gally-hin / @gally-hin-phantom

Okay so first off; in terms of Actual redesign, I didn't change a whole lot. I'm actually very fond of Jack and Maddie's design's, my only real issue was with their proportions. Like...look as a lady person who is also thiCC I do not have a fucking wasp thin waist and I'm sure I'm not the only one, lmao. As for Jack? Godamnit he looked like a brick on toothpicks. Just Let him be a fucking Bara man! Anyway of course I asked Gally to do this one bc they're fucking great at drawing different body types

I also cannot and will not take credit for Jazz's outfit. I didn't have any issue with her canon clothes aside from them being a bit plain, so what she's wearing here was literally pulled straight off of her original concept art, which I will link here.

Anyway, getting to the Actual character lore now, let's start with

Maddie Fenton

-Full name is Madeline (I haven't decided on a maiden name yet)

-Born and raised on a farm in Arkansas, had a southern accent that she trained herself out of in college bc it was just one more reason for people not to take her seriously. Still sometimes uses "y'all" completely unironically bc old habits die hard.

-She has a really big family, and they're proud of her accomplishments but feel like she's wasting her talent studying ghosts, because really, up until the Fenton portal was up and running there wasn't even any solid proof they existed. Her sister Alicia is the one outlier there, and even if she doesn't understand, it she completely supports her.

-She majored in engineering and minored in psychology at Wisconsin EDU. Her, Jack and Vlad were all in the same engineering class, and that's where they met.

-Maddie is particularly interested in how ghosts think, analysing their behavior, their motives. Not only that, but they aren't just dead people with unfinished business, they've built an entire culture in the Ghost Zone that is completely seperate from humanity, and she wants to understand all of it.

-skilled marksman and 9th degree black belt, (which is. The highest fucking level there is holy shit? I looked it up after I saw it on her wiki page.)

Jack Fenton

-He's from Minnesota (Amity park is in Illinois and him and Maddie didn't move there until after they got married) 

-okay, "but why minnesota specifically" you ask? Because. I crave. Foot ball discourse. 

-minnesota vikings vs green bay packers guys do you UNDERSTAND WHERE IM GOING WITH THIS 

-The funny thing is that Jack only watches football casually while Vlad is a fucking die hard so when these two got together to see a game it was like....

-Jack: Here to chill and have a good time.

-Vlad: Primed and ready to start a fist fight at any given moment.

-I am never not going to be salty about how Canon Jack was portrayed like a complete moron 99% percent of the time. Like no...theres a difference between Actual Stupid and ADHD induced dumbass-ery.

-Am I saying Jack Fenton has ADHD? Yes. why? Because I also have ADHD and I have always vibed So Hard with his Character.

-Jack is loud and easily excited about things that interest him. He's impulsive and fidgety and yeah, a bit absent minded. He has a mouth that clearly runs so much faster than his head. His train of thought doesn't get derailed so much as it stops and takes several different detours on the way to it's final destination.

-and that's only the tip of the iceberg, really, I'd need an entire essay to get into this completely, but I just really relate.

-Jacks skill-set / interests regarding ghosts vary a bit from Maddie's, most notably in the sense that he doesn't believe that they're static entities already set in their ways, completely incapable of change.

-Jack majored in engineering and minored in Biology at Wisconsin EDU.

-Jack's work with tech is a bit hit or miss. He definitely HAS the engineering skills, but the intrest isn't always there and he's constantly jumping back and forth between different projects. He tends to focus on the concept work and schematics and leave most of the assembly to Maddie as a result. It's an arrangement that works well for them, and has drastically decreased the number of unintentional explosions in the lab.

-A lot of Jack's work tends to revolve around ghostly biology and Ectoplasm, figuring out how ghosts are made, what makes them tick, what the hell Ectoplasm Actually Is, how it's used as an energy source, ect.

-and yes, that does also mean he handles the dissections.

-See that facial scar? Yeah, that's not actually there at the start of the series rewrite but it's very important for plot reasons so I had to include it. Can't say much more on the subject because SPOILERs owo.

Jasmine Fenton

-Jazz is a 18 years old, and a senior at Casper high.

-Which means she prepping to go away to college and won't be around to keep an eye on Danny.

-Obviously that doesn't mean I'm just writing her out of the story, oh no. Know why? Because she's also gonna go to Wisconsin EDU. ya know who else is in Wisconsin? Fuckin' Vlad.

-Jazz is autistic, Although she passes for neurotypical in part due to symptoms being completely over looked in girls due to gender stereotyping and also the fact that she doesn't have any special interests that are considered " "too weird.""

- Her hyperfixation with psychology started at a young age in an effort to better understand people, and social/emotional cues and all that.

-Jazz is well liked at school but she's not popular or apart of any specific group or clique. She's very kind and compassionate to people, and just about everyone knows her, but you'd be hard pressed to find someone who actually Considered her a friend. Except maybe Spike.

-I'm gonna have to give spike his own Character ref at some point, but he's this scary looking goth kid that's been held back twice. He's actually super sweet, just really fuckin' quiet and anxious. Him and jazz kinda ended up gravitating towards each other. She might do most of the talking, but they look out for each other.

-its not like jazz doesn't try to socialize, but it's difficult and she's found it much easier and less stressful to just. Keep to herself and let her interactions with her peers stay shallow and superficial. Sure, it's lonely sometimes but it's better than constantly worrying about saying the wrong thing or making some other misstep.

-One of Jazz's other special interests is football, and it's not so much the players or the game as it is the strategy of it? Started out as one of those things you do to bond with your dad, and she ended up getting really into it.

-She absolutley winds up getting into stupidly intense discussions with Vlad about it, too, lmao.

-Her and Danny probably bonded over SBNation bc that shit has both sentient satellites and ridiculously complex football mechanics.

-She's completely oblivious to the fact, but Dash has a massive crush on her bc holy shit this girl understands football (hey bud your toxic masculinity is showing put that shit away)

-I mentioned that Danny was in Cheer for a bit in middle school so it makes sense that she'd also be pushed into doing some kind of extracurricular activity.....so.....she was in a martial arts class for a bit thanks to Maddie and has a good grasp on self defense.

I think that's everything? I feel like I'm leaving things out tho? Idk if I did I'll come back and add on to this later and also pls don't hesitate to ask questions bc it really helps me flesh things out better.

#danny phantom #art #danny fenton #maddie fenton #jack fenton #jazz fenton #ref

[luque-moreau]

y'know i think its about time ive refurbished my psychonauts headcanons/theories

what??? me??? rewriting my psychonauts headcanons in a more comprehensible and informed way???

ye

alright, i think everyone knows what im talking about, by headcanons i mean headcanon as in singular, and as singular, i mean my "raz is somewhere on the spectrum of adhd".

so lets just get into it:

what is adhd actually?

adhd by definition stands for attention deficit hyperactive/hyperfocus disorder (yes, let me get into the details in just a sec). it is a nerodevelopmental disorder that is almost completely reliant on genetic factors, however conditions during pregnancy can sometimes contribute to certain aspects of how adhd manifests itself.

long story short, people with adhd have a smaller frontal lobe, and therefore less dopamine in general (even though yes, it is more complicated than that).

theres also a little bit of "chicken or the egg first" goin on here, certain behaviors or personality tendencies can also affect how adhd is presented in one individual to the next, however its still not clear if that is because it is an accommodating for a certain thought process or if someones experiences and personality shape their symptoms of adhd entirely. its a very blurry line, and the answer is different for everybody.

hyperactive type

hyperactive type is probably the closest to most stereotypical depictions of adhd, think the 5 year old whos parents brush off their child’s hyperactivity as something that will “go with age”. however, this isn’t only present in children, adults with adhd have to deal with a constant need for stimuli to make up for the lack of dopamine their current activity is providing them. this results in someone fidgeting frequently in repetitive or predictable motions, unable to hold attention to a specific task for long periods of time, or many other of the symptoms associated with adhd.(i sadly cannot provide more information in this area, i am not knowledgeable enough to...)

hyperfocus type

hyperfocus type is a tricky one, it can look like the complete opposite of adhd in theory. hyperfocus can look similar to special interests or hyperfixation, a great deal of time and knowledge dedicated to a very particular thing (although it is important to note that even though hyperfixations and special interests are incredibly similar, special interests is a term more typically used within autistic-circles, and isnt really the best word to use if you happen to be neurotypical). Think of maybe that kid who knows all the cool animal facts and won’t shut up about them. Its because certain trains of thought or activities might release more dopamine then others, so to get more of that dopamine, someone of hyperfocus type will be mentally unable to stop thinking or doing a very specific task or topic. this results in someone seemingly always spacing out, unable to change subjects or changing subjects too fast or with little to no correlation, or being completely unable to have enough motivation to do simple things.

personally i tend to fall under the category of hyperfocus myself rather than hyperactive, however the two are not mutually exclusive, its more common to find people with both types rather than just one. even myself, i might exhibit more tendencies to place me under the label of hyperfocus, but that doesn’t mean i don’t have any symptoms of the hyperactive type. its my personality that affects my mannerisms, which then makes certain aspects of my symptoms more or less apparent. Thats because im an INTP-T, i just tend to be more to myself and constantly in a state of thinking abstractly. I have trouble communicating and even sometimes recognizing my needs, and get to a point where im unable to do the simplest of things without feeling emotionally drained. Thats just my experience though, everybodys different. 

so what the fuck does this have to do with raz then?

well lets think about it, rather than have it just be me projecting myself onto a comfort character:

raz finds issue with connecting to kids his age

lets be honest. none of the campers really like raz that much. or at least some do the bare minimum to be try and be polite. it doesn’t seem like any of the other campers besides dogen, whos also socially outcasted, are really fond of raz. lili might like him, but that can definitely be interpreted as curiosity in someone new and different from the norm. It might not be that the kids despise him, but nobodys opinionated enough to care whether he is around or not.

social isolation is one of the most damning things i had to experience from an early age and still feel even today. there is a sense of feeling that you are different among your peers, whether that is a good thing or bad thing. it feels difficult to interact with other people you are not familiar with, and can really stunt you emotionally and socially. from a really early age, theres somethin in you that knows something is very different between the experiences of your peers compared to your own, and it can feel incredibly isolating.

raz and his borderline stupidity

time to get real again. raz is a fucking idiot. at least in the sense that sometimes his decisions seem incredibly spontaneous and not really thought through. he runs from home to attend a summer camp, not really thinking about the logistics of how he will get there, how the staff will react, how long its gonna take for his parent to find him, and so on. it doesn’t seem like he over or underestimates his abilities, he just goes for it without considering. that doesnt seem like the smartest thing to do, even though we know hes incredibly intelligent when it comes to larger, abstract situations. its the little details that he misses, small minuet things that seem unimportant that he overlooks, which can sometimes make things harder for him in the end.

i think its obvious that impulsivity is one symptom of adhd. however i cannot stress how difficult it is to think at supersonic speed and still feel incredibly stupid. i mean, thinking faster doesn’t inherently mean you will have better ideas, you can always be stupider faster, but being able to realize stupid mistakes or inconsistencies in your own thought process is annoying as hell. it feels like every time you try to recognize the issue, fix it, and move forward, you only end up not paying attention to another issue that gets bigger and more annoying than the first. Its always two steps forward, one step back, constantly making the same mistakes even though you try everything in your power to avoid them or grow as a person. The simplest of facts, ideas, or just things to remember end up being forgotten, and once youre reminded of them you remember them and feel like an idiot. however, arbitrary things and complex issues are much easier to digest and remember for me, things like history and the whole blame game charade of it all, biology and how every minuet thing has a greater impact on others and intertwines with every single factor of its environment, philosophy and theorizing why we think the way we do and what can be changed. but oh shit, im a dumbass i forgot to do my laundry. shit. god fuckin dammit.

empathy over sympathy

one of the basic themes of psychonauts is empathy. simple as that. raz goes around into other peoples brains, and tries to help them as much as he can, even if his efforts are not always successful in the way he intended. he never demonizes anyone to the point of unredeemability, and can empathize and understand other peoples perspectives. hes open to new ideas and

although some studies out there theorize that empathy is impaired due to adhd, from my perspective i feel like that is simply not true. if anything, i would say the sensitivity that comes with adhd (hypersensitivity) only enhances that empathy. i could definitely see social disconnection being one of the reasons it might appear that someone with adhd is less empathetic, however i would doubt that adhd would impair a persons empathy. adhd tends to also entail heightened emotions, this doesn’t necessarily mean a more outwardly emotional person, however it definitely shifts a persons perspective of their own emotions as well as others. the concept of hypersensitivity also completely contradicts the idea of people with adhd be less empathetic.

miscommunication and disconnect

sigh, the dad thing. yup. raz has that very iffy relationship with his dad at the beginning of the game which is eventually resolved. very abruptly, might i add. but thats not what this is about, thats a topic for another day. miscommunication seemed to be the root of the issue, however we only get razs side of the story. not to mention the severity of his claims and willingness to seemingly drop everything afterwards. kinda sus, ngl.

alright this ones a doosey. this, i feel, cements my theory pretty well. like i mentioned before, social disconnect and hypersensitivity are side effects of the symptoms of adhd.  this means people with adhd are highly more likely to either misinterpret someones words or actions if those in question are not completely transparent, its because they tend to overthink and interpenetrate responses with too much thinkin n such. the social disconnect makes a whole lot of it worse, it can just pile on top of already established feelings of inadequacy and isolation. and oversharing as a poor coping mechanism isnt an exclusively adhd related thing, it tends to be shared within similar neruodevelopmental disorders such as autism or even ptsd. i find it incredibly easy to disconnect myself from my own emotions at times and think critically at what i feel and how it affects me. which is a bad thing. if i dont acknowledge my emotions like they are my own for too long, everything falls apart. its not fun. but, that disconnect can make talking about certain more traumatic experiences or instances that had deep personal effects on my life and development as a person much easier to just share. and not always in an appropriate manner, comedic opportunity can be   v  e  r  y   enticing. this also explains why raz might have been able to drop everything about his dad after he apologized. he didn’t really, he probably still suffers just as much afterwards as he did before. but he probably wont realize that for awhile, since logically, the issue has been resolved. long story short, he has not had the time to cope, and to put that off he detaches himself from those feelings. w a c k

of course i have other reasons why i feel like raz could potentially have adhd, or at least be accurately represented in headcanon with adhd, some minor mentions being:

he uses his camp map as a journal to track his in-game progress, list of goals, and notes/snip-its of information. writing down information on some form of notepad or book is a common tool used by kids and even adults with adhd to help them keep track of minuet, individual tasks. its just using a planner, but with a bit more information. 

just from my personal perspective, the lengths raz goes to pursue his dream of being a psychonaut feel more like a special interest/hyper fixation sort of thing. he can jump between having genuine conversations with his fellow campers and just exploring the campground, to investing himself entirely in obtaining his goal, even when it seems almost impossible. thats some serious dedication to one very specific thing, y’know?

this one isnt as solid as the other but: m̶̖̰̯̫̍͝o̵̦͖̟͈̹̤̥̝͐̿̄̀̀̎̓ņ̶̛̭̠̐̊̆̍͝ķ̸̝͈̺̙̰̊e̶͉͚̼̅̔͗̂͐̍̕͝͝y̶̦̖̼͖̪͎̝̖̠̐̑͋̾̔̑́͐͘ ̵̢̲̘͎͉̔̀͒̄͌͊̀͌̀m̴̲̫̮̪̖̍̐͆̕͜͝ͅả̶͙͚͗n̶̗̳̩̙̘̼̦̦͇͝ ̷̡̨̡͔̗͕̘͍̥̑͒̎̐̃g̴͔̔̈̅̐̏́̌̔̈́́o̶̥̱̽̆̂͌̀͗ ̶̝̩͙͕͛́s̴̛͓̥̲̜͓͚̣̠̆̓̌͌p̶̜̹̯̦̫̯̣̎͐̽̉̾ḙ̴͇̬͑̈́̐̈́͘͠ͅȅ̶̡̗̞̩͔̫̪͈͑̓͗d̵̠͇͎̜͔͇͒̈́́̀̅̈́̒͘y̸̡̦̠̻̖̥̿ͅ. yeah, its the most generalizing reason but look, hes moving nonstop the entire game, climbing and running around the entire goddamn place wrecking havoc. a bit of imp can be found in most people with adhd if you look hard enough.

so thanks for reading this far i guess? im oversharing even right now with this, like an i d i o t but yknow what i dont want to read the great gatsby rn, so ive got nothin better to do. who knows, maybe the second game will give us more info to either support/discredit this theory? gotta wait for pn2 i guess

:^)

#psychonauts #psychonauts 2 #theory #headcanon #razputin aquato #this is real biased #isnt it

[thesaltyace]

big rant/ramble below, you can safely ignore and move on to the next post in your feed.

Urgh

I shared the results of that autism screener with a quasi-friend who I thought would be "safe" (we used to work together and we connected over his being gay and me being visibly queer) but his response was blergh

Everyone has hints of autism.

okay yeah but this isn't just *hints* of autism. I'm answered yes to symptoms I've had since I was a kid that I've learned to mask or work around as an adult. But I still struggle with them.

He pointed out that he sees me as more ADHD than ASD.

Yeah, fair, and I'd need to see a professional to try to distinguish if my symptoms are ADHD, ASD, or both.

You don't hit the three prongs needed for a diagnosis.

But.... but I do. And the stuff I dealt with as a kid is still stuff I deal with today. I just mask it better. A short and not exhaustive list:

As I kid I had trouble interacting with peers. I didn't have friends, really. I didn't know how to make friends and I didn't try terribly hard to. I acquire friends when someone else "adopts" me and decides that we are friends. And once I became an adult, I have almost never had friends of my own - I share a friend group with my spouse who we're primary connected to through him. I'm okay with that. Maintaining a friendship entirely on my own power sounds impossible and exhausting.

I was okay with not having friends, I liked being alone, but my mom insisted on me being social. She made me join things so that I would have a list of people to invite to parties. I'd honestly have preferred a day of doing stuff I like or just a couple friends. As an adult, I want to be alone on my birthday. I will celebrate with certain friends, separately, usually over a quiet meal. That's it.

I had trouble understanding sarcasm and figurative speech. Like, I understand it now but I still think most figurative speech is annoying. I've been told the way I deliver sarcasm is weird, too.

I liked memorizing movies and quoting them start to finish, I thought it was fun but everyone else thought it was weird. I continued to do this into adulthood but I only quote aloud when I'm alone. Alamo Drafthouse quote-alongs are the BEST. I don't do this with every movie, either, just ones I really like.

Okay actually I also liked to listen to the same album or, in some cases, the same song over and over until I was sick of it (and sometimes even after that point). I mean, just endlessly looping on repeat. Not interspersed with other songs. I do this as an adult a LOT because it's easier with headphones to do this without annoying everyone else around you. Like, often it's fine for me to just put a playlist on shuffle, but I get into Moods where I just want the one album/song over and over. Yesterday I listened to Wellerman about 50 times in a row and only stopped because I had to get up and do something else and that song wasn't "good" for whatever I got up to do.

My special interest as a kid was cats. Literally everything cats, all the time - I sought out obscure facts and could tell you the difference between similar species, and wanted cats involved in literally everything I did. Adults laughed it off as childhood obsession. I was also pretty obsessed with the solar system. I thought asking my peers, as a trivia question, which of Jupiter's moons had its own asteroid (Io, in case you were wondering) was appropriate and interesting and was confused that they didn't know that. That was in fifth grade.

I watched the weather channel for fun. I would watch it for hours and absorb the weekly forecast info just... for fun? I never used it, could never tell you if you should dress a certain way or bring an umbrella or whatever. Everyone thought it was weird.

I was a know-it-all and literally could not stop myself from bluntly correcting people who were wrong. Didn't know or care that it was "rude". I'm still that way but I've learned how to sometimes swallow the urge long enough to find a more tactful way to point it out (but often fail).

I could read on my own before kindergarten, used vocabulary beyond what one would expect for my age, and had a special interest in spelling and grammar throughout my school years. I did not understand how other people weren't interested in learning about it and getting it right. I read at an undergrad level by 4th grade.

I hated loud noises and often covered my ears to block out irritating sounds. I could also hear high pitched noises that even other kids didn't seem to hear (or at least weren't bothered by them). Too much noise sent me into an internal meltdown, I'd just kinda shut down because I couldn't deal with it.

Textures and pressure on my skin bothered the absolute fuck out of me - sock seams, certain fabric materials, socks that weren't equally elastic, one shoe tighter than the other, tags.... all of that. (Also, fun anecdote I just unlocked - when I was 4 or 5 my grandmother started letting me use the soft silk sleep shirt she had as a young woman because I preferred it to anything else. Soft, smooth, no irritating qualities. Bliss. I wanted to wear it all the time.)

Don't get me started on food. Until I was in COLLEGE I mostly subsisted on pasta with either butter or alfredo sauce and chicken. I would eat other things, but pasta and/or chicken was (and still is) my biggest safe/comfort food. I'd eat other stuff mostly if I could control the balance of ingredients, get it made plain, or could confirm the texture wouldn't be offensive (so, like... plain burgers, plain cheese pizza, grilled cheese, mashed potatoes, etc.) I cannot stress this enough - from childhood through COLLEGE I did this. As a kid my mom had to make me a completely separate dish most nights to get me to eat something. My spouse was horrified at what little variety I ate. The only reason I eat so much variety now is that he knows what I do/don't like and tells me in advance if I'll find a texture or taste offensive. Of course, rather than wanting consistent texture like I did when I was younger, I now seek as much texture as possible (so long as they aren't Bad textures) so.... that's fun. But yeah most of my objections to Yucky foods is due to T E X T U R E. Even if I like the taste, the texture overrides it all.

I prefer animals to people. I will seek out animals and interact with them instead of people in the same room. And will pointedly focus on the animal to avoid interacting with people.

I'm perfectly happy with only myself for company. Being with just my spouse counts as me being "alone" though. Always has. I just realized last night that it's because I do minimal to no masking around him because he's a safe person to unmask with and always has been. Never batted an eye at the weird shit I do beyond asking questions about what I was doing or why. And then just "Okay."

Okay honestly just the fact that I want to vent into the void of tumblr instead of actually discussing this with a person - even my spouse! - pretty effectively shows how little it occurs to me to interact with other people directly. o_0

And there are so many more things that I won't list here because I could just go on and on. And like, sure, some of this may certainly overlap with ADHD but my point is that I have enough to point to ASD that it doesn't feel like having a "hint" of autism. And who knows - maybe it is mostly just ADHD and CPTSD stuff interacting in weird ways. Could be!

But just because I can make small talk and make eye contact and do the "normal" shit and I can interact "normally" doesn't mean I LIKE it. I had to LEARN to do those things to avoid having bad social interactions. When I'm by myself or with my spouse, I behave very differently than I do around anyone else. ANYONE. It's not just slightly changing my behavior depending on who I'm with - it's completely suppressing how I naturally would do things if left to my own devices.

Like, the things we recommended to our autistic students who wanted to know how to interact in ways that would help them blend in/be accepted by others ARE THE EXACT THINGS I ALREADY DO. Like, it did not occur to me at the time that neurotypicals literally do not have to think about doing those things. I thought, ah, these students just need to be told what the tricks are. Other people figure these tricks out on their own. It did not occur to me that other people, in fact, do not learn these tricks because they naturally do that behavior. They do not have to actively think about learning the trick, period. I literally thought other people also have to think as hard as I do about interactions. Evidently not.

So yeah, I'm feeling a little upset about the reaction I got from him because I'm like.... honestly, a diagnosis of ASD wouldn't change a lot about how I do things or think of things. But it would make me feel better about interacting with and participating in autism-related stuff if I am actually autistic. I realize I can use the resources and supports meant for ASD regardless, and for formal supports anything I can access due to my ADHD diagnosis likely covers anything I'd need for ASD. But having a diagnosis opens up more community. Right now I'm like yeah I'm ADHD but I totally relate to this ASD content. But I'm not going to interact much because I feel like I don't have the right to join in since idk if I do have ASD.

idk I have a lot of feelings. I had a bad email about the trans insurance coverage thing yesterday and I'm not in a great headspace, but finding out me and my spouse both scored very high on the autism screening stuff was honestly a high point because we ended up sharing a lot of how we view and interact with the world that was very eye-opening about why we interact the way we do, how we relate to others (and how other people think we're weird for how we relate to others), and just...everything. And having someone be skeptical after I've spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that I DON'T have ASD only to conclude that at the very least, I should probably be evaluated because I can't reasonably rule it out. Like, most people do not wonder if they have autism. The fact that I am spending this much time looking into it and trying to find examples to disprove it only to find I overwhelmingly can't in virtually every single diagnostic category.... just..... dismissing it outright is kinda hurtful.

Like, I recognize that ADHD symptoms overlap a fair bit, but seriously. My spouse (who definitively does not have ADHD) scored almost identically to me and we vibed on almost everything when we compared answers. We see most things similarly. We have similar areas of confusion about other people and for fundamentally similar reasons. I can't imagine all of the stuff that points to ASD for me is just ADHD in disguise, not when I vibe THAT HARD with someone else. Spouse does not vibe with me on ADHD content. At all. He can appreciate it since he does live with me, after all, and observes whatever's being discussed. But he doesn't vibe with it. He vibes with autism content, though. And I vibe with both.

idk this rant ended in rambling and I'm just going to go listen to Inside on repeat for a couple hours while I try to calm down a bit. o_0

#rant over #for now #I've actually been listening to Inside for the last twenty minutes already lol #maybe I'll try to nap #idk #blergh #yay Shit is playing now and I'm like LOL cause I did wake up at 11:30 feeling like shit #woot #what a bop #I'm like hell yeah you get it #let's vibe

[ladyautie]

get to know me more!

@funyasm​ tagged me and I’m bored after writing my chapter, so here it is!

✨ what do you prefer to be called name wise?

My name’s Sophie. My friends call me Spencou or Spence. We met on a Role-Playing game forum where I played a character named Spencer. We’re used to call each other by our characters’ names and nicknames, most of the time. My brother calls me Sis’.

✨ when is your birthday?

15th november 1993.

✨ where do you live?

Paris, France.

✨ three things you are doing right now?

I’m watching an episode of AT4W on youtube, scrolling on Tumblr and I’m drinking a coffee.

✨ four fandoms that have piqued your interest right now?

Definitely It and especially Eddie Kaspbrak and the ship Reddie. I’m kinda obsessed right now, writing fanfic, reading fanfic, daydreaming about it and all.

I just played the Last of Us 2 and I’m currently watching a let’s play from my favorite youtubers, Mari and Stacy from Geek Remix. I’ll probably read a few fics as well.

The tv show Barry (HBO) is a definite special interest for me. I’m probably going to watch it all once again real soon and I’m planning on writing a fanfic or two in the future. I’m dying for the third season to come.

Finally, I’m probably going to be super into The Umbrella Academy once again, when the second season will be released. I’m just really into Vanya, Klaus and Allison and I can’t wait to see more of them.

✨ how is the pandemic treating you?

None of the people I know have been contaminated, so I’m lucky about that. I’m not quarantined anymore, back to work, and the transition is not easy. 

I feel like I’m more openly autistic than I used to be and that I can’t stand the rest of the world for a long period of time. I’ve experienced multiple meltdowns and shutdowns and I have real difficulties to socialize with most people or to focus on my work.

I feel incredibly naked and vulnerable whenever I’m leaving my flat without my mask on, so I think that’s definitely something I’m gonna have to work on in the future.

Leaving Paris and meeting my folks for my mother’s wedding, I found myself surrounded by people who mostly didn’t care about the virus, kissing each other on the cheek in true french fashion to say hello, hugging, not wearing a mask, not respecting any kind of social distance. 

I was quickly overwhelmed by all of that, plus the noise, and I had to isolate myself in my parents’ car, sobbing hysterically and willing to suffer in a overheated car if it meant having a bit of peace.

There are definitely going to be long-term consequences. I can only hope that my physical health will remain okay, though.

✨ song you can’t stop listening right now?

Keep On by Sasha Sloan. I just really love the lyrics and the message.

✨ recommend a movie.

Whenever I have to think of a movie to recommend, Frank by Lenny Abrahamson is the first one that comes to my mind. This movie is an obsession for me since the first time I watched it and I often find myself watching it again and again. Despite its heavy subjects, it’s definitely a comfort movie for me.

Too often, movies featuring mentally ill characters will aim for the characters to “get better”, which doesn’t mean for them to find healthy ways to cope with their issues, but usually for them to look more “neurotypical-like”, if you know what I mean. Frank  doesn’t go that way at all. On the contrary, it pushes the viewer to empathize with the main characters and to understand their point of view, their way of being.

It’s so incredibly comforting to watch a movie featuring mental illness realistic and not romanticized and to have the movie say “you’re different and you have issues, but you’ll find your tribe someday and be able to find your own happiness, even if it’s unconventional by society’s standards”.

I don’t know, I just have so much feelings about this movie. Plus the music slaps, the humor is hilarious (kudos to the random French guy who can perfectly understand English but refuses to utter a single word if it’s not in French) and the actors are truly on point (I can only salute Domnhall Gleeson, among everyone else who is also worthy of praise, because he definitely managed to make me hate his character in a way I almost never hated a character before).

Watch it!

✨ how old are you?

I’m 26 years old.

✨ school, university, occupation, other?

I used to be a librarian, but I couldn’t find a stable job in this field, so I passed an entrance examination and I’m now working in the tax administration. Yeah, not really glamorous, but it pays the bills and I’m accommodated for my disability, so it helps. 

✨ do you prefer hot or cold?

Definitely cold. When I was a kid, I used to swim in mountain lakes, at temperatures close to 13° celsius, and I still take my showers mostly cold. I can’t stand heat, I get headaches very easily when it’s sunny and I’m getting confused easily whenever it’s too hot. I recently had a nosebleed at work so intense that I found myself spitting blood (it went better once I got a fan, making the temperature bearable).

✨ name one fact others may not know about you.

I used to be allergic to my own sweat when I was around 18, until my early twenties. Whenever I was doing a mild physical effort or getting stressed out, I would get hives and itchy skin rash all over my whole freaking body, which was so exhausting that I would fall asleep immediately as soon as the rash was gone. 

It disappeared as suddenly as it appeared, without me ever doing something about it. I still don’t know why I experienced that and if I’m going to experience that ever again. I hope not.

✨ are you shy?

My autism makes social interactions complicated, but I’d say I’m mostly impaired by my social anxiety and the various traumas I’m dealing with daily.

Traumas I got after having been bullied pretty badly by kids and teachers during my school years, my stepfather being borderline abusive and different traumatic experiences, including my childhood crush dying from a ski accident when I was 15 or so (and me never being able to tell him that I loved him) and people betraying me so many times that I can’t even recall every little thing.

As a result, I find myself doubting constantly that I’m worthy of love, affection and respect and I often wonder when I’ll do or say the “wrong” thing that will cause me to lose everyone I care about. I also have a hard time knowing who I am and, as a result, allowing everyone to know who I am as well. 

I often don’t know what to say and will find myself keeping my mouth shut, even on topics I’m knowledgeable about, because I’m scared of people shutting me down, among other things. My friends make it easier for me to talk about things I like and all, but I’m still heavily doubting myself.

I try to challenge myself regularly. I’ll force myself to take part in events that are taxing or that are forcing me to perform in front of people. That’s how I found myself taking part in the casting part of the french equivalent of “American Idol” (I merely met the pre-judges, but I did manage to sing my whole song in front of them). I needed to prove to myself that I could do it.

✨ do you have any preferred pronouns?

I’m using she/her, but I don’t mind people using they/them to talk about me if they don’t want to be gender-specific.

✨ any pet peeves?

I hate how people can freely and openly be homophobic, racist, ableist, transphobic, sexist and so on, but as soon as I open my mouth to let them know that what they said/did wasn’t appropriate, I’m labelled as one of those “hysterical feminists” or a “party pooper”. s/ Sorry if your antisemitic joke isn’t making me laugh, my “dear” colleague... /s I hate whenever people infantilize me, especially my mom. She’s still keeping an eye on my bank account, despite me telling her that I didn’t want her to do so again and again. I don’t dare to block her out, because I’m scared of her emotional reaction.  I hate the ugliest parts of fandom, notably the obsession with “who’s topping / who’s bottoming” whenever there’s a gay pairing or the racism / ableism / transphobia / homophobia I’ve witnessed again and again.

I don’t dare to engage in the Last of Us 2 fandom because of that and the way some people describe the character of Abby (a very muscular woman), focusing on her physical appearance and calling her awful names (being downright transphobic when they thought that she was the transgender character that Naughty Dog announced there would be in their game). 

✨ what’s your favorite “dere” type?

I had to google it, because aside from Yandere and Tsundere, I didn’t know a thing about it. I guess you could say I’m a Dandere (someone who is quiet and asocial. They are afraid to talk, fearing that what they say will get them in trouble.). 

My favorite type is Kuudere though, when it comes to anime in particular (someone who is calm and collected on the outside, and never panics. They show little emotion, and in extreme cases are completely emotionless, but may be hiding their true emotions. They tend to be leaders who are always in charge of a situation.). 

My favorite anime character, Kiyotaka Ayanokōji from the anime Classroom of the elite, is the most extreme case I can think about. He’s completely expressionless for most of the anime, talks with a very dull voice and it’s impossible to know what he’s thinking about at all times or what’s his overall plan. His hidden depth makes him all the more fascinating. He managed to keep me interested in a mostly meh anime.

✨ rate your life 1-10. 1 being really crappy and 10 being the best you could ever be.

It’s a bit hard, but somewhere around 5 or 6? I went through tons of crap in my life but I’m still here and able to live on my own, even if my quality of life isn’t all that good. I live with nearly daily suicidal thoughts since I was a teenager and have to compose with my meltdowns and anxiety attacks as well. I feel “other” most of the time and I can’t relate to most people I’m meeting and interacting with, which can sometimes feel very lonely.

On the other hand, I have wonderful friends who are willing to put up with my trauma crap and are overall amazing to talk to and be around. I have a cat I love dearly. They’re the reason why I’m still alive to this day, giving me a reason to say fuck off to my suicidal thoughts. 

✨ what’s your main blog?

My main blog is Ladyautie and is about autism. I have another blog, reddie-4-more, focusing on the It movies and Eddie Kaspbrak and Richie Tozier.

✨ is there anything you think people need to know about you before becoming friends with you?

So, uh, don’t be weirded out by the kind of things I can tell you about my past. Even if it seems a lot, all of it is definitely true. 

For example, I was almost kidnapped when I was around 8 or 9 by a random guy, while I was camping with my father. 

My father and my paternal grandmother actually kidnapped me and my brother when I was around two and I stayed with him until the social workers determined that my mother had to raise us again because our well-being and overall life were threatened. 

Lots of events of my life seem far-fetched or out of a movie / a book or something and I had people telling me that I must be lying or that I’m over-exaggerating, something that always hurts deeply.

I’m terribly awkward and more or less openly autistic, so you’re definitely going to notice something different about me. I can’t change for you and I’m not willing to hide my traits only to make you feel more comfortable about frequenting me, so if you can’t handle my socially anxious and disabled ass, then just leave.

I need people to actually tell me what they think or feel. I’m very “first degree” and I’m pretty bad at guessing what people are thinking about. Don’t be afraid to be frank.

Finally, never, and I mean never, infantilize me. I’m a 26 years old woman. I’m not a kid.I’m fine with my friends offering to help or making sure that I’m okay or so, but never assume that I don’t understand something and don’t force your help on me if I say that I’m okay.

That’s it, those who want to take part in this exercise, don’t hesitate!

#tag game #not entirely autism related #suicide mention

[silcojinx]

Hank x Connor: Is Hank Connor’s ‘Special Interest’? Long post but important...

Okay so let me start off with a disclaimer....While I am 100% certain that Connor was written to have ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) This was not confirmed or denied by the creator or any of the team that worked on Detroit. That said there is actual proof to determine that he, in fact, was written to have ASD. So much proof that it cannot be considered a coincidence. I am NOT self projecting I am simply going over canon facts. Also this is going to be a long post but please stick with me until the end because I am going to explain how this all links to Hank x Connor. 

🌟*it should be noted that I am an adult female on the Autistic spectrum so I can relate to many of these things but I will keep to the facts in the game. Also I am not stereotyping in any way. These are just well known autistic factors that Connor is exhibiting....🌟

So first let me establish what actually fits the bill in terms of Autistic behaviors. So that we can know that Connor canonly has ASD.

1. Connor has a STIM....✅

A STIM or a self-stimulatory behaviour, also known as stimming and self-stimulation, is the repetition of physical movements, sounds, words, or moving objects.  For an autistic person this is an extremely important because this motion can help ease anxiety in stressful situations. 

Connor’s STIM would be flipping his coin. A repetitive motion that he does in stressful and anxiety inducing situations. This makes senses as to where and when we see Connor play around with his coin. 

During the elevator ride to his first mission: 

(thinking about what his mission will be like with anticipation anxiety)

Before meeting Hank for the first time: 

(attributed to social anxiety)

And again in the elevator with Hank in the chapter “Public enemy”: 

(After Amanda tells him “ I may have to replace you Connor...” and “Something’s happening, something serious...Hurry Connor. Time is running out” )

This one is the most telling pieces as the camera shot pans to Connor’s face and the blank stare he has tells the tale of the thoughts that are bothering him and stimming is almost an unconscious decision meant to make the stimmer feel at ease with their own nerves by distracting the brain with repetitive motions. Think of stimming as an outward expression of the abundant thoughts that run quickly through the Autistic person’s mind. 

2. Connor Reconstructs while Markus Pre-constructs✅

This is a big part of ASD for a lot of autistic people (myself included) and this is a literal translation into physical form of what we/they go through on a daily basis and this has to do with impulse control and executive function (or the ability to control your impulses)

Executive dysfunction, which is common in people with autism, refers to a lack of one or more of the common executive skills or a tendency of these skills to require more time and effort than they usually do for other people. 

This is also applied to Connor through the “Reconstructing function” that was programmed into his model. And once again there is proof that he not only doesn’t think about the consequences before acting but that he also has more trouble then the “normal android” when it comes to pre-constructing or thinking about the actions he takes first.

When Markus preconstructs a scenario this is essentially him thinking about how to do things before hand as we can see that he has the ability to warn himself of impending dangers.

As he thinks about the options carefully and in detail (like in the GIF above) he knows the option he is trying to take is dangerous because it “would be too high” to reach. 

The earliest we see Connor do anything even remotely close to preconstructing (prior to meeting Markus and we will talk about that in a minute) is the chase scene when he is running after Rupert...

 By pressing R2 you can see the different options and this means that Connor can actively assess the situation however it is not in as much detail as Markus’. He sees that it is dangerous but he has no clue about what would happen if he takes the route he chooses as his assessment is only “Fast but risky” or “Safe but slow” so he actually not predicting outcomes. It is also worth noting that in his Reconstruct mode he can only rewind the events after they have already taken place. This means that he didn’t need to think about the events leading up to the end result he just watches the playback after the crime has already been committed. 

This is Connor not being able to see the end result of his actions similar to how impulse control problems happen in Autistic people....the action is taken and then reflected upon which can be dangerous and even deadly in many situations.

The difficulty that Connor experiences with actually executing a full Pre-construction is shown in the game as well as he is only able to run a full pre- construction after meeting Markus. All interactions was reconstructing until this point.

 This brings me to Connor’s social interactions as lack of impulse control, basic understanding of human emotions, and what is appropriate vs what is not to say in public is prominent in Connor’s dialogue.

3. Connor does not understand implications or jokes✅

Who could forget the first time Connor met Hank in the bar and Hank sarcastically asks Connor if he “knows where he can stick his instructions” Connor looks  confused and replies...”No...Where?”

He wasn’t trying to be funny he really did not get the joke nor the implication that Hank was trying to make here and asked with genuine intrigue. It is typically the case that most people with Autism (again including myself) they do not understand jokes or how to respond to them. Being analytical in nature some jokes are beyond them and they just do not know how to respond. Its common for males in particular on the autistic spectrum to over analyze the situation and think that the joke is actually serious communicating.

So we hit 3 major ASD traits:

1. Connor has a STIM ✅

2. Connor has impulse control problems✅

3. Connor has trouble with social skills✅

And that is just the tip of the iceburg....but lets move on. Another thing that Autistic people tend to do is have a special interest. This is something that the autistic person becomes emotionally attached to and wants to learn everything about.

  “ One characteristic or autistic trait that is commonly seen in individuals with autism spectrum disorders, or Asperger’s Syndrome is a preoccupation with areas of “special interests.” So common is this trait of autism that it is listed as one of the diagnostic criteria of the disorder.” - Jeannie Davide-Rivera of aspiewriter.com

So what is Connor’s special interest you ask? And how did it develop?

Well lets start with the latter. A special interest starts with a pique of interest. (which I believe to be the scene at Jimmy’s bar) Then it evolves into a desire to learn everything about the subject and then share that knowledge with everyone else. The autistic person then dedicates every second of their free time to learning about and talking about the subject they have chosen.

“Most people with autism have particular favorite subjects. Special interests can simply be like hobbies or careers only more so: someone on the spectrum can dedicate an immense amount of time to their special interest, even dedicating every free moment to it.” -AmbitiousAboutAutism.org.uk

So what does Connor do in his free time?

At the Office.... (this is Connor learning about Hank after the initial pique of interest in his spare time at the office)

At Hank’s House it becomes an objective.... (This is Connor wanting to “Learn more about Hank” in his free time at Hank’s house *Notice “LEARN MORE is in bold white text while the rest is normal)

There is even a trophy for this if you learn everything there is to know about Hank.

My conclusion is yes, Hank is Connor’s ‘Special Interest’ 

“Furthermore, and maybe most importantly, these interests feed the autistic mind and soul. It is what calms, focuses, and brings pleasure. It is a way that these individuals decompress from a stressful day; a way to shut out the world for a while in order to refocus and recharge.” - Jeannie Davide-Rivera  at aspiewriter.com

But there is another side to the symbolic flipping of Connor’s coin here. And that is an obsession. The way Detroit is written never ceases to amaze me at how in depth they take their symbolism and this is no different as Hank is meant to represent the “special interest” there is also one other thing that Connor can ultimately care about and that is his mission.

The two paths you can take as Connor comes down to Hank or The Mission..... Hank is the good healthy way of dealing with a “special interest” and the mission? Connor going down “machine path” is symbolic for an interest (the mission) becoming and absolute OBSESSION. And it is important to note the difference between Special interest and Obsession.  

A special interest is something with special meaning and emotional attachment for the autistic person that they are willing to put in a lot of time and energy in their free time to learn about and this is also different from a hobby in the amount of time thinking about the subject in said free time. Where as an obsession has climbed to a point that the autistic person can no longer think of anything but the subject...like everything else becomes invalid to them.

I have heard a unanimous verdict among fans (<---me included) that machine Connor is “scary” and why do you think that is? It is because literally nothing matters to him but the mission. 

He becomes cold, distant, and obsessed.

“When intensity and focus on an activity excludes everything else in the person’s life, the interest may be spiraling out of control. It is not uncommon for an autistic person to focus for hours on end engrossed in their area of interest. The intensity of focus shuts out the world around them to the point that hours and days can go by without even a thought of eating. Interruptions are unwelcomed, and can cause feelings of anger to surface. Even a routine bathroom break is seen as an unwanted interruption and source of irritation.” - Jeannie Davide-Rivera  aspiewriter.com

So when the interest becomes an obsession any interruption of them thinking about the subject is unwelcome and they become ANGRY.

In the Gif above Connor is too far into his “machine path” or no longer feels the emotions that come with a ‘special interest’ (or Hank) and is instead into the “obsessed path” He no longer even cares about DYING. Instead with his last words are “We’ll meet again Markus.....This isnt over” 

He no longer cares about himself “The mission is all that matters”

Also it is important to note that this is a MENTAL HEALTH STRUGGLE.

And I can’t get over the fact that there is so many messages within this game. Cyberlife made Connor a deviant from the start in order to learn in real time how deviants think and act in certain situations. (<---as stated in my previous theory about Connor) So it is not far fetched to say that Cyberlife made him AUTISTIC from the start learning both how to stamp out deviance AND take control of mental health “problems” in one fell swoop. This also makes a point about society and how they view Autism and mental health problems in general....as if they are a “glitch” in your code and needs to be “dealt with” or “cured”

But the silver lining of this is there is another option for Connor. Another message this game gives is that one person can make the difference in the struggle with your mental health problem if they give the unconditional love and support that you need...

*BONUS* Autism Speaks color is blue...

#Detroit Become Human #Detroit become human connor #detroit become human Connor has autism #Connor android autism #connor android #autism #autism representation #autism awareness #Detroit become human pc #detroit become human hankcon #detroit become human hank x connor #detroit become human connor x hank #connor x hank #hank x connor #detroit hank x connor #detroit connor x hank #detroit autism #detroit become human autism #dbh hank x connor #dbh connor x hank #dbh hankcon #detroit hankcon

[nonduckrelatedwords]

why Jonah Beck is autistic

(or, what i wish people understood about the autism spectrum)

so im sure everyone is sick of me only talking about jonah but he's so important to me as an autistic person because i cant think of any character that better represents a non stereotyped autistic experience (even though its not actually canon). and i really want people to understand this because the science genius, socially awkward stereotype is so prevalent that a lot of neurotypical people dont even recognize autistic traits that are obvious to anyone on the spectrum

so heres an incomplete list of reasons why jonah is diagnosably autistic based on two main diagnostic criteria from the DSM 5 (also this is obviously influenced by my experience which are not universal)

Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple contexts

Jonah has been known to have difficulties expressing his feelings and often prefers less verbal or explicit ways of expressing himself (songs for Andi, arm wrestling with Buffy, quiet acceptance of Cyrus)

"Oblivious" is really a code word for "isn't able to interpret social cues the way other people expect him to"

Jonah sometimes misses other peoples humor like the iconic danish moment or "why is that funny" talking about Andi with Buffy and Cyrus

He doesn't always understand other people's expectations of him or appropriate expectations for other people (see jamber, jandi, jibby)

Anxiety is actually very common in autistic people as a result of social difficulties (aka the only reason I was diagnosed at age 20)

Jonah is popular and talkative but most complex social situations are very overwhelming to him (Buffy and Cyrus fighting, Andi ignoring him, his grudge on TJ)

Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities

Ultimate frisbee anyone?? Guitar/music could maybe even be a special interest now

Jonah doesn't want to wear any costume!! He likes his normal clothes that are comfortable for him which is totally valid

He doesn't like change in his relationships with people. When he and Andi were friends, he wanted to stay friends and when they were dating, he wanted to stay together. Also maybe why he held on to his TJ grudge for so long.

Sensory issues could be part of his panic attacks?? Like noise/crowds were definitely present at the bash mitzvah, pancake day and the shiva. Idk sensory stuff rarely makes sense

sorry this is so long but its really important to me to explain this so people can better understand how autism exists as a spectrum. because there are a lot of people who experience autism in these ways but a lack of understanding of the breadth of the spectrum often leads to our struggles being invalidated and ignored. and jonah is such a good character to show this with, my ultimate dream would be for him to get help for his panic attacks and in the process get a diagnosis. but that won’t happen so here i am doing it myself!! i would greatly appreciate reblogs to educate more people and please feel free to ask any questions. anyways thanks for reading this mess!!

#jonah beck #Andi Mack #jyrus #jandi #jibby #jamber #any other autistics feel free to jump in if you want!! #this is only my perspective #also there are a whole different set of struggles that come with other autistic experiences #and i dont mean to invalidate that in any way #i encourage everyone to educate themselves on the entire spectrum #i can recommend some resources for that if anyone is interested

[hollenius]

re neurodivergent headcanons in Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul, I think the first time (a year or so ago) I read something where someone online suggested Chuck was somewhere on the autism spectrum (high functioning/Aspergers), I laughed it off as a ridiculous suggestion, because he didn’t “fit” many of the stereotypical traits seen in other fictional characters or in the popular conception of the topic…but in retrospect, I think that came more from my misunderstanding of the “spectrum” part of it than anything else. It’s definitely a plausible/possible diagnosis comorbid with the anxiety disorder(s) he canonically has.

·         We know Chuck’s a good actor (e.g. his ability to fool Jimmy in “Klick”) and is able to mimic and slip into different sorts of social behaviors (e.g. his ability to social climb from a working class or lower-middle-class family to the world of white shoe law firms), so he’s probably capable of using masking in most public settings. This is apparently a more common trait in autistic women, but men do it as well, if less frequently.

·         Studies asking about the long-term effects of masking seem to imply it takes a physical/emotional/mental toll on the person using it, which might explain why, by the time we see him in BCS, the stress of acting “normal” in meetings and the like, when compounded with the worsening of his anxiety problems, leaves him curled up under a space blanket for hours or even days afterward. Trying to compensate for multiple issues at once is probably even more taxing.

·         He seems prone to getting overwhelmed by things and either shutting down or lashing out in reaction. The most extreme form of the former is when he goes catatonic for hours/days in response to being tazed or put in the CAT scan machine; the most extreme form of the latter is probably him completely losing it and shouting/crying/having to be physically restrained by the hospital staff because he’s so upset about being surrounded by lights/hooked up to an EKG/being recommended for a CAT scan.

·         Contrary to stereotypes, Chuck is decent at reading people (or at least he’s extremely good at reading his brother and knowing how he behaves) and he interacts well with people within a work context, but he doesn’t seem to have any friends outside of it, or much in the way of a social life–the other lawyers hold him in awe as a sort of glorified animate law encyclopedia, rather than someone they would want to hang out with or chat with informally. (Though Chuck doesn’t come across as the sort who would be interested in chit chat with coworkers anyway...) Being totally housebound and cut off from the outside world is upsetting to Chuck primarily because it interferes with his work as a lawyer–we never get the sense that he’s upset about it having any effect on his interpersonal relationships, because he doesn’t seem to have any. This is probably why losing Rebecca hit him so hard. He’s got almost nobody else, besides Jimmy and Howard, and he’s really not emotionally open and unguarded with anyone.

·         He’s got problems dealing with his emotions in general. Even when he’s trying to do his little pain/emotion/medication journal as part of his psychiatric treatment towards the end of season 3, he seems to struggle with articulating his emotional state–he’s just got “average” written down for most of the incidents he’s logged, but he’s not able to write down what his emotion is after he’s unable to sleep after insulting/lying to Jimmy to drive him away for the final time, and he seems to abandon writing in the journal after that & rapidly deteriorates psychologically. From what we see of him in the show, he seems to alternate between being extremely repressed and completely exploding and freaking out.

·         Some people have no interest in having or wanting friends, but I don’t think Chuck’s one of them. He seems pretty lonely. He remarks to Jimmy at one point in season 1 that he doesn’t really mind him hanging around to work on the Sandpiper case in his house because he’s glad for the company, which makes his systematic driving away of Jimmy and the few other people in his life all the sadder. The whole root of Chuck’s jealousy of Jimmy in the first place is that people like Jimmy, and they don’t like him. He makes attempts at being friendly, but struggles to do it on anything deeper than a surface level. (Of course, a lot of Jimmy’s friendliness and charm tends to be pretty shallow too, but I don’t know that Chuck really appreciates that or can tell the difference–all he sees are the results.)

·         He’s tone-deaf with jokes–he famously botches the attempt at a lawyer joke to his wife in the opening flashback in “Rebecca”, but he also makes an awkward attempt at humor when talking to Kim in a present-day scene later in that same episode (“the early bird gets the worm, which is good if you like worms”), which leads to some uncomfortable forced laughter from her. Some people are just serious by nature, but they probably wouldn’t bother trying to make jokes in the first place if that were the case. The fact that Chuck keeps trying to make jokes and failing suggests that there might be some impairment in that area. He sees Jimmy do it, and he sees it work for him, but can’t really manage it himself. (He seems to do ok with deadpan sarcasm though–that comment about young people loving local print journalism is probably my favorite Chuck quote.)

·         He’s very verbal and articulate, but his speech patterns can be a bit odd. He can be indirect and overly formal, which may or may not be an overcompensation for the more stereotypical autistic behavior of being too direct in speech as to be insensitive. He usually winds up still coming off as elitist and assholish anyway, though he may not be intending this/aware of this. When he’s nervous or upset, he tends to devolve into talking at people rather than to them, such as when he starts rambling on about probable cause and assorted legal precedents to the police officers who show up at his house in “Alpine Shepherd Boy”, without noticing that they aren’t even standing at the door anymore. He’s got a lot of information rattling around in his head, which he throws out as a defense, but not always in a way that is helpful; I don’t think talking about Latin translations of the Hippocratic Oath to the doctors sedating him without his consent before sending him in for a CAT scan is doing him any good (NB: the actual Hippocratic Oath is in Greek anyway, and the phrase Primum non nocere dates from a later period, so either Chuck has no idea what he’s talking about, he’s conflating two related things, or he’s freaking out enough that he doesn’t really care at this point).

·         He seems to ignore other people when they’re talking to him altogether if something sets him off or distracts him–when Howard tells him about Kim quitting HHM and teaming up with Jimmy, Chuck immediately tunes him out, to the point where Howard has to ask him if he’s still listening. Chuck says he is, but then walks off in the middle of Howard talking because he’s still distracted by what he said before, sending a confused/concerned Howard following after him. This is at its most extreme when he goes into his rant in “Chicanery” and is totally oblivious to both Galley pleading with him to stop and everybody else in the room staring at him in growing horror/disbelief until he’s far past the point of no return.

·         I’m actually sort of curious about Chuck’s abilities in court prior to the visible deterioration of his mental health, because although he clearly knows a lot about the law, his personality is a bit off-putting. I don’t know if he just sort of brute-forced his way through things because of his knowledge of obscure case law, because based on what I know from the lawyers I’m friends with, there are all sorts of subjective factors that can come into play in a court setting. The sort of things that would drive someone like Chuck nuts, like jurors who deliberately choose to ignore evidence because they’ve decided in advance that they don’t want to convict someone of a crime. (To be fair, this would also drive me completely insane, because I have a really hard time at my own job dealing with people who think the rules shouldn’t apply to them for various reasons.)

·         Chuck has an EXTREMELY black and white view of the world, and a sort of obsession with the authority of law and the importance of following the rules. He’s got really strong perfectionist tendencies within himself. I think a lot of why he gravitates toward the law is that he seems to find all the rules and procedures comforting, in a way--there’s a uniformity to the way the legal world works, and a framework in which everything proceeds--constraints which are equally binding on all participants.

·         Maybe he just knows a ton about the law because he’s a lawyer, but it might also fall into the case of it being a special interest, since his knowledge of obscure case law seems to be regarded as extensive and superlative even by other lawyers. (He reads FEC and ISO reports for fun!)

·         There’s something slightly elliptical about his thinking, and he doesn’t seem to realize that other people aren’t following his thought patterns. (He repeats his “One after Magna Carta!” justification for knowing the Mesa Verde address to Kim and Jimmy  in season 2 as well as to the officials from the Bar in season 3, which seems to suggest that he thinks it is a very obvious and logical connection that other people should grasp, though I’m not sure that it actually is outside of his head.)

·         I’m not entirely sure where the line between nervous tics and stimming is drawn, but he’s got a lot of little fidgety behaviors that come out especially when he’s stressed, especially scratching or shaking or wringing his hands. (The script to “Chicanery” indicates that he’s nearly drawing blood from digging into his hands while on his big rant, but it’s not visible onscreen because we’ve got that wonderful/agonizing slow zoom onto his face instead.) It's not clear if it predates the EHS or not. Sometimes there’s a clear tie in his behavior to perceived pain from electricity, but sometimes there’s not--sometimes it seems to result from him trying to distract himself from the electricity instead, like when he’s trying to stand outside the house for two minutes in “Bingo”. Sometimes he does it while he’s standing around in his house, thinking about something else, like while rehearsing arguments against Jimmy before he heads in to court in “Chicanery”.

·         There’s a pretty strong preference for routine/predictability & distress when it’s altered. (Most people probably would not get so suspicious if a single newspaper wasn’t delivered one day, for example. If it was repeated or frequent or a pattern, yes, but not for a single paper.) His control issues are brought up pretty frequently in fandom discussions; maybe he’s a jerk, maybe he’s just not able to function well in unpredictable situations, maybe it’s a little of both (e.g. Chuck being really bothered by Ernie bringing him the wrong kind of apples, then saying that it didn’t really bother him that much...but then telling Ernie to write it down so that he would get the right apple the next time, indicating that he actually WAS bothered by it)

·         It’s possible his perceived sensitivity to electricity grew out of an existing natural sensitivity or aversion to extremes in light or sound or anything else, but this is pure conjecture because we get so few flashback scenes. (Speaking only from personal experience, I don’t think I’m hurt by electricity, but I can hear lights when they’re turned on, and get uncomfortable/anxious under certain types of light, like fluorescents in big box stores when out shopping, so maybe someone who’s more sensitive to sensory things in general might be more prone to developing a sort of learned distress out of that.)

All of this is very inconclusive! But it’s totally plausible as a reading of the character.

#long post #meta #better call saul #chuck McGill #long posts about loathed characters!

[fanders-fic-awards]

Neuro Logical (SFC Submission)

Summary: Logan notices the ways he is different from the other sides and decides to figure out why. He struggles to deal with the aftermath.A/N: The specific website from the fic is not fictional. The web pages that are referenced can actually be found on the Autistic Self Advocacy Network website (and I do not own any of that material!)

Warnings: internalized ableism, sensory overload, dissociation

WC: 5000

Vote

It started one night when Logan was conducting research for one of Thomas's videos. He was having trouble concentrating, his mind replaying a snide comment he'd received from Roman earlier that day. "You're like a robot whose programming was never finished. They forgot to add the feeling function." Logan had replied, as usual, that he was logic and not an emotion. But rather than letting it go, as he usually would, it stuck in his brain, coming around again and again to torment him.

Why did this particular comment bother him so much? It was hardly the first time Roman had poked fun at his stoic nature. He wasn't ashamed of his lack of emotions. After all, his function, the purpose of his existence, necessitated neutrality. Was it because of the situation that incited Roman's remark? Logan intention had not been to cause Patton distress, but that was the result. Virgil elected not to contribute to Roman’s commentary, but he had glared at Logan. Clearly, Logan had made a mistake, but he couldn't understand why his actions were reprehensible. And Roman's words suggested that the reason Logan didn't understand was because of his lack of emotion.

Logan watched the computer screen, the rhythmic blinking of the cursor in the search bar. He had always found this calming, that steady beat ready to receive an inquiry, the beat of knowledge yet to be collected. Yet, in a word processor, this blinking inspired in him anticipation. There were millions of possibilities for what could be created with that little blinking line, and each sentence, each word, each character brought the document closer and closer to clarification. It was thrilling.

For his current inquiry, he found it strangely difficult to choose words. Perhaps because this was a personal search, and any results could potentially reflect back on him? He pushed past this illogical insecurity, and decided to type in a more articulate version of Roman’s observation about him.

"Lack of emotional empathy" returned results about emotional disorders, from depression to bipolar. Logan dismissed these suggestions immediately. He was not a whole person with his own brain; therefore, he was incapable of having a disorder that did not affect Thomas. He decided to try a variation of his search. “Lack of emotional response" prompted mostly links to sites about flat affect. Once again, this seemed ridiculous to him, and he cleared the search bar. Perhaps he was going about this the wrong way. He was basing his search on Roman's observations of his behavior. What if he taylored his search to his own perspective? Patton's anguish flashed in his mind, along with Logan's own guilt for causing this reaction and simultaneous confusion about the reason behind it. He typed, "difficulty understanding social interaction."

On the first page of results was a page from an autism advocacy website. Once again, Logan was ready to dismiss this as a possibility since Thomas did not have Autism Spectrum Disorder. However, two things about the preview of the page caught his attention. The first was that the phrase the search engine had identified from the website was almost identical to the one he had typed. The second was that the top of the preview described autism as a neurological variation, rather than a disorder or a disability. This was enough to pique his curiosity, and he clicked on the link.

The page was an overview of autism and brief explanations of characteristics exhibited by autistic individuals. And Logan tried, he really tried not to relate the list to his own experiences, he tried not to see himself reflected in it. But he couldn't deny the similarities. And he decided to dig just a little bit deeper. He clicked on link after link, educating himself on termanology, advocacy debates, and common autistic traits. But what ultimately swayed him was an article on the original website he found arguing the semantics of how to refer to autistic individuals. The article itself was a fascinating review of the conflicting arguments about nuanced semantics and their significance, but what was significant to Logan was that it reshaped the way he understood autism itself. Specifically, the paragraph which described it as "an edifying and meaningful component of a person's identity [that] defines the ways in which an individual experiences and understands the world." That meant that autism wasn't just a pathology; it was part of a person's identity.

Logan sat back in his chair, contemplating everything he had read. His immediate reaction was still to deny that he could be autistic, as Thomas was not. But the idea of autism as an identity caused him to rethink this argument. Sure, Logan as an aspect of Thomas could not be individually diagnosed with autism. However, since the sides existed both as functions of Thomas and as characters, that didn't mean that it was impossible for the character of Logan, specifically his actions and the way he experienced the world, to be described as autistic. Afterall, many autistic traits overlapped with the archetype of the socially inept genius, which was how Thomas had characterized Logan. Furthermore, it would hardly be the first time that any of the sides, as characters, diverged from Thomas's identity. Somehow, Patton was a dad, Roman knew Spanish, and Virgil had a distinctly separate music taste, yet they all continued function as aspects of Thomas.

The more that Logan's mind considered this possibility, the less he could deny its viability. Logan made a mental list of dozens of questions to further research, but the most prevalent was this: how would he tell the others?

Experiment: To determine to what extent the subject (Logan (Logic) Sanders) is autistic

Procedure: Create a list of autistic traits, observe behaviors of the subject, and determine compatibility with self-diagnosis

Data: Special interests (desire to research facts on specific topics) - confirmed Info-dumping (regurgitation of facts, sometimes uncontrollably) - confirmed Lack of empathy/emotion - confirmed Limited understanding of social conventions - confirmed Hyperfocus - confirmed Easily overwhelmed - variable Lack of OR excessive eye contact - variable Reliance on routine - variable

Speaking in monotone - disregarded (opposite behavior observed) Limited ability to follow directions - disregarded (opposite behavior observed) Inhibited ability to communicate with others - disregarded (plethora of evidence to the contrary) Over OR under sensitivity to physical stimuli - disregarded (no physical body)

Self-stimulation/stimming (repetitive motions or verbalizations) as coping mechanism - TBD Experiencing meltdowns/shutdowns - TBD Experiencing burnout - TBD

Conclusion: Many behaviors exhibited by the subject align with autistic traits. These behaviors are also expressed at a more significant rate than non-autistic behaviors. Self-diagnosis is likely.

Further research: How much stress can the subject handle before reaching burnout, meltdown, and/or shutdown? Is self-stimulation (stimming) an effective coping mechanism for the subject? What implications does this have for Thomas and the other sides? How do I tell them?

No matter how much research Logan had conducted, there was still a lingering doubt that left him unable to definitively connect an autistic identity to himself. No, it had taken an observation-based research experiment on himself to convince Logan of the reality of this conclusion. Now, it was no longer doubt but denial that gripped Logan, as well as an uncertainty about how to proceed. Of the questions that he had posed to research further, all required more observational data, with the exception of the final one that Logan barely dared to consider.

What could be the outcome, were he to confront the others? His best prediction, given their familiarity with autism (or rather, lack thereof), was that their first impulse would be to discuss how to ‘fix’ him. Logan had read plenty of accounts of well-meaning but prejudiced relatives proposing solutions that caused autistic individuals unnecessary distress. Even if there was a cure for autism (and Logan had encountered plenty of evidence to the contrary), so many of the traits that characterized Logan’s autism were parts of himself that he considered vital to his identity. He didn’t want to be ‘fixed;’ the very concept would cause him to become a shadow of himself.

The sides had learned long ago that trying to keep secrets in the mindscape was futile, yet Logan didn’t see any other option. How could any of the side - or Thomas, for that matter - benefit from learning what he had discovered? No, the logical decision was to keep this to himself. Logan told himself that logic was his sole motivation, and that fear played no role in it. Not the fear that they would think less of him, or pity him, or cease to value his contributions. Of course fear played no role - it would be illogical to base decisions on fear.

So there it was then. He couldn’t face the others with this, not when he could barely face  it himself. Besides, he needed time to understand exactly how his autism manifested and whether he needed accommodations. He knew he would have to tell the others, eventually. But not now. For now, he would wait, and acquire more data. 

Over the next several weeks, not much changed. For everyone else. But Logan fell into a new kind of normal, one characterized by silent epiphanies and hidden shame.

There was the time Patton made an off-hand comment about space. Logan's mind lit up. A hundred facts about their solar system popped into his head, and he was ready to share them all. He could feel the words building in his chest, forming in his throat. But a detached part of his mind recognized this as 'info-dumping,' that it was an autistic behavior, and that the others wouldn't be as interested in what he had to say as he was in saying it. So he swallowed the facts and figures, saving the others from his vocal avalanche, saving himself from their glazed expressions and bored stares. Now that he understood what was happening, it was easier to stop himself. But to do so made his chest tight. There was the time Logan, in a bout of exposition, waved his hand, a meaningless gesture to accent his point. Without thinking, he waved it again. And again. Before he could wave it a fourth time, he realized what he was doing, clenched his fist, and consciously lowered his hand to his side. He didn't need to stim, didn't need that repetitive, comforting motion. The pit in his stomach was lying to him, he was fine.

There was the time Roman looked him directly in the eye during an argument. Logan noticed that his first instinct was to avert his gaze. Instead, he maintained the prince's eye contact, despite the fact that Roman's voice seemed to disappear, despite the fact that his own thought processes came to a sputtering halt. He was determined to stand his ground. He refused to let it win. Whether 'it' was Roman or the autism, he couldn't say.

There was the time that he caught himself rocking gently back and forth when he was sitting at his desk. No one was around to catch him, but he forced himself to still, ignoring the ache of suppressing his muscles.

Logan postulated that he could be shaping his own reality. The more aware he became of his autistic tendencies, the more prevalent they became, and the more he felt like he needed the coping mechanisms he had learned, the ones he refused to indulge. But he still endeavored to fight himself and hide all this effort from the others.

And he had succeeded - with Roman, who was oblivious under the best circumstances. But Logan didn't notice Patton's worried glances. He didn't notice Virgil tense around him and start avoiding him altogether. Even Thomas could see that Logan was unusually reserved. But none of them commented on the changes they witnessed, which gave Logan the impression that he was achieving his goal.

Logan had created an unsteady balance, and despite the toll it was taking on him, the chronic exhaustion settling into his form, he was certain that he could keep this up as long as necessary.

Until Thomas approached him with a project.

"I have an idea for my next video, but it's going to require a lot of research, and I need you to write all the arguments. You think you can handle that?"

No, Logan thought. He most certainly could not handle that in addition to keeping up the facade he was struggling to maintain. But he had no intention of explaining this to Thomas, so he agreed.

Alongside Thomas, Logan spent long sessions in front of the computer, gathering and organizing evidence. Logan's body and mind screamed at him to make Thomas take a break, but he ignored them. He would have been able to handle this work load before he learned about his autism, so why should it be any different now? They worked through meals and late into the night. Logan pushed through the ache in his tense shoulders and the cramps in his legs. And when he was alone, he was fine.

He paid the price of overworking himself when he was around the others. Virgil would ask him a question and his mind would go blank, as if refusing to process the information and form a response, leaving him no choice but to shrug and retreat to his room. He took Roman’s metaphors literally, only to feel embarrassed when the others corrected him. Patton made the mistake of hugging Logan without warning, and Logan's skin started screaming at him. He violently recoiled, and one look at the pain and confusion on Patton's face was enough to send Logan back to his room.

But nothing could prepare him for actually filming the video that he had worked so hard to prepare for.

The night before was a waking nightmare. With the approaching deadline and a half-formed script, Thomas refused to let himself rest. He pushed himself and Logan well beyond the point he knew was healthy. As the words started blurring on the screen, Logan rubbed his eyes and briefly considered telling Thomas that this was too much for him to handle. But he knew Thomas would want an explanation, and he imagined confessing to Thomas the thing he had kept hidden for so long. His eyes shot open and he forced himself to focus.

As morning light started creeping through the windows, Thomas finally put the finishing touches on the script, and relief flooded Logan. Thomas collapsed on his bed and managed several hours of sleep, but Logan's mind was working too fast to shut off. It jumped between topics seemingly at random, refusing to follow a single train of thought to its natural conclusion. This caused Logan distress, and he couldn't relax his body enough to gain unconsciousness himself. By the time Thomas woke up to the text saying that Joan and Talyn were on their way, Logan had gone without sleep or rest for about twenty-four hours, which was compounded by the exhaustion he was already experiencing from trying to keep a secret from the other sides.

Logan was spacey as they set up for the video. He thought he had a little bit of time to himself because they had to film Thomas, Patton, and Roman before they got to his part. He tried to take it easy. But Joan kept coming to Logan to clarify the unintelligible parts of the script, and Thomas needed his input on the lines, too. Logan tried to answer, but it felt like thinking through honey. The normally clear and concise thought processes were fuzzy and scattered. He was relieved when they moved from Thomas to Patton. Patton's lines were more improvised puns than logical arguments, so they would leave Logan alone for a bit.

Logan grabbed a copy of the script, but as he tried to review his lines, the printed words started swimming on the page. Letters switched places, and whole sentences became a jumbled mess. Great, Logan thought. So he was dyslexic now, too? Wonderful. He sighed, threw the script to the side, and closed his eyes.

The next thing he knew, Thomas was shaking him awake. The gentle contact sent pain shooting through Logan's arm, and he yanked away from Thomas's touch. He was informed that they had finished filming Roman, and it was now his turn. Logan blinked as his mind tried to put the spoken words in order and assign meaning to them, having to decipher them one at a time. It took several seconds, but the comprehension finally settled in. He nodded and took his place by the stairs.

He once again reviewed his first few lines from the script as Thomas and Joan set up the camera. Luckily, the bit of sleep he'd managed to obtain took some of the fuzziness out of his thoughts, and the words were staying in place now. But he still felt an overwhelming exhaustion all the way to his core.

Just this video, he thought. He just had to push through this video, and then he could rest.

However, Thomas chose that moment to turn on the lights and position them on Logan's face.

Sensory overload was an experience that Logan had read about but couldn't imagine experiencing himself. Afterall, he had no physical body, so he wasn't able to perceive physical sensations to such an intense degree. At least, that was his theory. It was disproven as soon as Logan tried to function with those lights in his eyes.

Logically, he knew that they were necessary. Lighting was essential for video quality. They used the lights for all of Thomas's videos, on all of Thomas's sides, including Logan. But with his current state of stress, having the light in his face was like looking directly into the sun.

And that was the breaking point.

He was aware of every sensation on his skin: The glasses on his face, the constraint of his tie, the scratch of the tag in his shirt, the belt on his hips, the restriction of his shoes. He could hear each sound distinctly: The refrigerator in the kitchen, Talyn's shoes as they walked, Joan and Thomas's voices. And he handled all these sensations about as well as nails on a chalkboard. All the while, beams of light shot directly through his eyes and into his brain.

And just as quickly as it had begun, it stopped.

Everything. Stopped.

Nothing around him had changed, but everything was suddenly distant. The sounds were muffled. He couldn't focus his vision. There was a dark numbness settling over his entire body, like he was detached from it, like it was separate from him. But there was no relief in the sudden purge of sensation. He felt like he was trapped in his own brain, aware of everything that was happening but unable to participate in it. He had considered himself emotionless before, but he had never experienced true absence of emotion until this moment, and had he been able to feel, he would have been terrified. His body wouldn't even grace him with unconsciousness. He was there, but he wasn't.

A single word flashed in his mind: shutdown.

He could see the others talking to him, trying to get his attention, to get a reaction from him, but all he could do was watch, helpless. He screamed silently at them to turn the damn light off, to get him to a quiet place, and then to leave him so he could rock back and forth and flap his hands without an audience.

Thankfully, Talyn seemed to have at least some understanding of what was happening. Their voice cut through the fog.

"Logan, I'm going to turn the light off," they informed him in a calm, steady voice.

Good. For the love of Edison, make it happen.

The light disappeared, and Logan regained some awareness of his body. He took a deep breath, but engaging his diaphragm only caused him to start hyperventilating.

"Logan, I'm going to grab your arm and lead you over to the couch."

No, please don't.

Their delicate touch was painful, but at least Logan was prepared for it. As they pulled, his legs responded to keep him upright, and after a few paces, they gently nudged him backward. He was sitting down, the couch cushion pressing into his legs. It was unpleasant but grounding. His breathing slowed.

"Logan, I'm going to take your tie and your glasses off. Stay with me."

Logan's pride took a hit, but he felt the tiniest degree of relief with the restricting accessories stripped away.

"It's not enough. Joan, turn off the lights."

As the apartment went dark around him, the only light coming from the setting sun peaking through the cracks in the blinds, Logan blinked rapidly. He returned to himself.

He gasped, started breathing deeply as the oppressive numbness started to fade from his body and his mind. As the world came back into focus, he slowly clenched and unclenched his fists, just to feel attached to his body again. His eyes adjusted to the semi-darkness, and he made out six forms: three humans, and three sides.

"Logan?" Patton breathed.

But Talyn was still in control of the situation. "It's okay, Logan, just take deep breaths."

Logan was grateful for the dark as he felt warmth rushing to his cheeks. He was supremely embarrassed by his - episode. He didn't want to face anyone right now. He started to sink down.

"Logan!" Several voices called as they realized what was happening.

"Wait, let him go," Talyn said.

Logan barely registered his room as he collapsed on the bed, finally embraced by a deep and meaningful slumber.

Logan came back to the world slowly. The memories of the previous day were right there to greet him into consciousness. He groaned. So much for keeping a secret. He had completely self destructed right in front of everyone. He silently thanked any higher power that may exist that Talyn had been able to help him out of his shutdown.

He felt a familiar tug in his chest. He was being summoned. Not actively; no one would force him to rise against his will. But there was definitely a persistent pressure, as if one of them was saying, when you're ready, we need to talk. Logan got up, changed, and let himself be pulled into the physical world. He appeared in his familiar space by the stairs. Thomas and the sides were on the couch. Logan crossed his arms and looked down at the ground.

"Logan!" Patton yelled. Logan was pleasantly surprised that noises and lights were no longer as harsh as they had been earlier.

"Patton, no!" Virgil said.

Logan looked up to see that Patton was already halfway to him, arms outstretched. “Right. Talyn said no touching.” His face fell with his arms as he turned back to the couch, visibly deflated. A pang of guilt filled Logan's chest. It seemed he could do nothing but hurt Patton, lately.

"I suppose you're hoping for an explanation," Logan began.

"Wow, give the nerd a medal. Takes real brains to figure that one out."

"Roman," Thomas scolded. "Look, you don't have to justify your panic attack. I could tell I was overworking you, but I pushed you anyway. I'm sorry, Logan." Logan's guilt expanded. Here he was, keeping secrets and lying, and Thomas was apologizing to him? And despite how awful he felt about it, he was still inclined to continue. After all, it was only logical-

He stopped his train of thought at that word. Logical. He'd been using it to justify his actions for weeks. But was lying really the logical course of action? Wouldn't it be more logical to admit that the reason he wanted to lie was because he was afraid of the truth? Afraid of how the sides would react. Afraid of how everything would change. Afraid of his own need for assistance, his own otherness. It was never logical to act out of fear. But the solution was not to deny that the fear existed. The logical course of action was to be honest, to face the truth and take responsibility for it.

"I appreciate your apology, Thomas, but I should be the one to apologize." He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and opened them, facing the others with open vulnerability. "What you witnessed was not a panic attack. It was a shutdown."

He registered their confusion at the unfamiliar word. He wanted nothing more than to correct it. He could feel the words building in his chest, ready to spill out. To info-dump. His chest tightened at his impulse to hold them back. But instead, for the first time in so long, he released them.

"I've been lying to you. Several weeks ago, I started researching the possibility that I might be autistic, and I've come to the conclusion that this is indeed the case. I've taken extensive notes, and if you need proof I can show them to you. What happened earlier, what you witnessed, is known as a shutdown. It happens when an autistic person reaches the limit of the amount of stress they can endure. Just as the term suggests, their body shuts down. My body shut down, becoming unresponsive to external stimuli, as you observed. Talyn responded as if I was having a panic attack, and even though the problem was misdiagnosed, it did help to ground me and bring me out of it. I apologize for letting it get to that point, and for not informing you earlier that I needed a break."

The others sat in silence, absorbing the information that Logan had presented. The longer the silence drew out, the more nervous Logan became. "I'm sure you have questions. I'd be happy to answer them." In fact, he wanted nothing more than to work through this as a group.

Roman was the first to respond. "Just because you're a nerd who needs flash cards for slang words doesn't mean you're disabled. Why do you think you have autism?"

"Roman," Thomas scolded again.

"Semantically, it's preferable to use the adjective 'autistic.’ The phrase 'has autism' implies that the autism is separate from the person, which is not the case. Autism is not a disease. It's a neurological variation that affects a person's entire identity. I do not 'have autism,' I am 'autistic.' But to answer your question, my behavior and personality reflect traits that are common in autistic individuals. And I have observed that autistic coping mechanisms are effective for me."

"Do you think - I mean, should I get tested for autism?" Thomas asked.

"To the best of my knowledge, these traits are unique to me as a character and do not affect your functioning." Thomas nodded, and Logan notice him relax.

"Is that why you've been so distant lately?" Patton asked timidly.

"Yes. I seem to have an increased sensitivity to touch, brightness, and sound, which is exasperated when I am tired or stressed. Whether this has recently developed as a result of my awareness, or is a response that has always existed in me that I am just now becoming aware of, I cannot say. Either way, it's best to ask my permission before engaging in physical contact of any kind." Patton smiled sadly and nodded.

"Why didn't you tell us before?" Virgil asked.

Logan sighed. "I fooled myself into believing that hiding it was the best course of action for everyone. I did not anticipate how strenuous it would be to act neurotypical - which is a term used to describe non-autistic individuals. And - I was scared. Of how you all would react. I didn't want anything to change." Logan recalled the last few weeks, how difficult it was for him to keep up the act. He let himself imagine how much easier it could have been if he had been honest from the start, and he was overcome with the desire to live that reality, to be able to freely express the parts of himself he was ashamed of. "But, in the spirit of full honesty," his voice was shaking, but he pressed on, "I need things to change. I cannot keep going at this pace without actively engaging in autistic coping mechanisms." Despair at this confession made his throat tight and he choked back tears. "I'm trying all the time, but it's just too hard." He chest heaved as he breathed in, and a single tear slipped down his cheek.

"Logan," Patton asked gently. "Can I hug you?"

Logan nodded as he started to sob.

Patton approached Logan like he was a timid animal that might dart away if he moved too fast (which wasn't out of the question). With exaggerated tenderness, Patton wrapped his arms around Logan and pulled him into his chest. Logan removed his glasses and let himself cry into Patton's shoulder. For the first time in a long time, the touch felt pleasant, and he didn't want to let go. After several minutes, Logan calmed down enough to pull away from Patton, wiping his eyes. "I apologize for my emotional outburst."

"You don't have to do that, Logan." Thomas said. "You're allowed to feel things."

"I prefer not to," Logan admitted.

"Honestly," Thomas began, "I don't know much about autism or what you need, but I want to learn, if you're willing to teach me. I don't want you to suffer, and I definitely don't want any of us to be the cause of your suffering." Thomas sighed. "I know what it's like to feel like you have to hide who you are, and I'm sorry we made you feel that way in your own home. Going forward, just focus on being yourself, let us know what you need, and we'll catch up. Deal?"

Logan surveyed each of the identical faces. They all reflected agreement with Thomas. He nodded in response to Thomas's sentiment. Logan had a lot to work through. But he felt stronger knowing he had the support of his family.

by @sandersspins

#fandersficawards #springcomp #ent

[newstfionline]

The town that gave the world Spam is proud to be ‘autism-friendly’

By Amy Ellis Nutt, Washington Post, September 23, 2018

AUSTIN, Minn.--The tall teenager with the buzz cut opened the museum door, extended a large hand and said cheerily, “Welcome to the Spam Museum.”

Samuel Ehret is an official “Spambassador” at the museum, a hot spot for tourists who have a taste for the much-mocked canned meat that has been made here by Hormel Foods for 81 years.

Samuel is also autistic, and he got this job because he loves all things Spam--its taste, its history, and especially the museum’s showpiece: a motorcycle that runs on bacon grease.

He also landed the job because Austin is an autism-friendly town. Ten years ago, it became one of the first in the country to launch a community-wide effort both to reduce the disorder’s stigma and make local businesses aware of the special needs of autistic customers. It is also probably the only small town in America to employ a community autism resource specialist.

The mission was “a grass-roots effort to improve our community,” said Mary Barinka, an employee of the nonprofit Hormel Historic Home, where she serves as an autism resource liaison for Austin. She is also a former Hormel marketing executive, and the mother of a 16-year-old daughter with autism.

For someone like 18-year-old Samuel, the town’s attention to the condition has been invaluable.

“When he was an infant, he would just lie there, no crying,” said Sarah Ehret, Samuel’s mother. Her son failed to reach expected milestones on time and she was at a loss as to why. When someone anonymously placed a magazine in her mailbox, it suddenly made sense. One of the articles was “Top 10 signs your child has autism.”

“This is my son,” she said to herself.

Autism is a neurodevelopmental disorder that is characterized by delayed language, repetitive behaviors, sensory sensitivities and difficulty with social skills. Although the symptoms of autism can overlap with other developmental disorders, such as learning disabilities and attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, it has distinctive characteristics, including narrow, intense interests and routines and occasional emotional meltdowns when those routines are disrupted.

More than 3.5 million Americans have been diagnosed with this disorder, according to the Autism Society. In April, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention revised the estimate of those with the disorder to 1 in 59 children, four years after it was set at 1 in 68. Most experts attribute the increase to more-precise diagnostics and enhanced awareness of the disorder, particularly in black and Hispanic children.

Austin, with a population of 26,000, is the kind of place that still has a video store, where the one coffee shop in town is called “The Coffee Shop,” and a yellow traffic sign near a nursing home carries the warning “Dear Crossing.”

Fifteen businesses in this Midwestern hamlet carry the official designation “autism-friendly.” Among them: the Paramount Theater, Mid-Town Auto, two dentists, two ophthalmologists, two hair salons and three summer day camps.

To qualify as autism-friendly, a business must make an effort to minimize sensory overstimulation--lowering lights, turning down or eliminating loud music, and shielding the individual from others’ cross talk.

Business owners must fill out an application and then, along with their employees, go through educational sessions. They learn about the difficulties people with autism experience, including their triggers--a sound or a smell or an unfamiliar situation that may cause a meltdown. They also learn how to interact by speaking slowly, in a clear voice and in short phrases. Most important, they are shown the value of learning to be patient and flexible.

Jackson Schara has been to dentist Catherine Guy a number of times, and his first visit was so surprisingly comfortable that he made a YouTube video explaining why other people with the condition shouldn’t be afraid to go to an autism-friendly dentist.

Standing next to Jackson on a recent visit to her office, Guy described what she did for him that first time:

“It’s a sensory thing, so I told him about the armrests, the bib around the neck, that the chair will move. Then I offered him a bear or a weighted blanket on his chest for comfort.

“I also show them the special toothpaste, let them smell it, and do two or three teeth at a time. I let them experience the suction device, and even do a practice run.”

Sunglasses protect the patients from the harsh lights used to peer inside a mouth. A mirror is also available if they want to watch the dentist at work.

The value of these autism-friendly efforts is incalculable, families say, because it not only makes the lives of those living with autism easier, it also allows them to have experiences that those without autism have routinely. Best of all, they are lessons in communication, one of the chief skills that many children with autism must work especially hard to develop.

Jackson’s mother, Heidi Schara, remembers well a breakthrough moment she witnessed when her son came home from school one day.

“He said, ‘I think I talked too much about something or other.’ Then he said, ‘How was your day?’?”

That Heidi’s son was able to turn his attention from himself to his mother made it her “best day ever.”

She credits these eureka moments, in part, to Austin’s unusually open environment.

“Having this autism-friendly movement--it’s incredible to have people who want to understand,” she said.

For Jackson, who has a love of Japanese monster movies and is eager to talk about all things Godzilla, the experience at Guy’s office as well as at a hair salon in town have been revelatory.

“I am surprised at what I’ve done. Legitimately surprised,” he said.

Jackson was so comfortable getting his hair cut at the Style Lounge that he made a video of it.

Austin’s autism-friendly program began a decade ago, when a retired Hormel executive, Gary Ray, telephoned Barinka, a family friend, and asked whether her autistic daughter, then 6, was able to participate in any town activities, such as summer camp.

“No, not really,” Barinka remembers answering. “We’d like to take her to camp, but you have to explain her frequent needs and hire someone as a helper.”

Austin is small enough that Ray and his wife, Pat, were familiar with Barinka’s struggle to find appropriate recreation for her daughter.

“What if [Pat and I] gave you a small contribution of $5,000?” Ray said. “Could you start a camp?”

It didn’t take long for Barinka to say yes. She is a woman with a keen ability to advocate and organize and a seemingly bottomless reservoir of energy. Her job as autism resource specialist is part time, just 10 hours a week, but Barinka regularly puts in 40, often fielding questions and requests from other parents: “A new business wants to become autism-friendly, can you give a presentation to employees?” “How do I find the best speech therapists in town?” “The local community college wants to start a special autism program. Can you help out?”

To date, the Rays have contributed more than $100,000 to fund autism-friendly programs in Austin. One of the more successful is the monthly respite night, when children with autism are dropped off at the Hormel Historic Home--a site for weddings and tours as well as community events--and parents or caregivers are given a few hours of free time.

The children might do an art project, or go out to a restaurant, bowling lanes or the YMCA to swim. The lifeguards are taught to get their attention by calling their name instead of blowing a whistle. The Y sponsors swim teams for children with autism, and they occasionally compete against other teams with disabilities, including at the Special Olympics.

Autism-friendliness has also reached into the schools, where a peer program pairs high schoolers with autism with similarly aged student volunteers. The program is so popular that there is a waiting list of student volunteers.

Word of Austin’s unusual autism-friendly services has resulted in at least a half-dozen families moving to the town.

Carolyn Dube grew up in Austin, but she spent much of her life elsewhere, primarily in Phoenix, where the resources for her son, Alex, diagnosed with autism at 2½, were lacking.

“There were a lot of behavioral issues with him,” Dube said about life with her son in Arizona. “He threw things, was increasingly violent and too hard to predict.”

A new job brought her to a suburb of Minneapolis, about 90 minutes from Austin, and Dube began to pick up stories about her hometown’s transformation.

“We’d hear amazing things,” she said. “And that’s when we started realizing how special some of Austin’s autism programs were.”

Dube’s family moved back to Austin when Alex was 4. He’s in high school now and takes mostly mainstream classes. He is especially talented in math and science, and because autism is a spectrum disorder of varying degrees of disability, Dube fully expects him to go to college and study engineering.

“Now Alex is almost a new person,” she said.

Other parents say they’re seeing progress they never thought possible before Austin became autism-friendly. Barinka’s 16-year-old daughter used to bite the chain-link fence at her older sister’s softball games and throw tantrums. Today, she is on her high school dance team and plays the trumpet in the band.

Barinka has received calls from Salt Lake City and Flagstaff, Ariz. inquiring about how to set up their own autism-friendly programs, furthering a trend of entrepreneurship and innovation by individuals in the autism community. In 2015, for example, Pennsylvanian Topher Wurts, a marketing and technology executive who has a son with autism, founded a virtual Autism Village. It’s an app that works a bit like Yelp, locating nearby autism-friendly places and businesses and letting users rate and review their experiences.

How Barinka helped create her own bricks-and-mortar version of an Autism Village included not only the Rays, but also the Hormel Foundation, the Hormel Historic Home and numerous members of the community, both paid and volunteer, who make the programs run.

Because of such contributions, Austin is able to offer services at vastly lower costs than those in places where camps can run as high as $800 or $900 a week, according to Barinka. Austin’s autism day camps cost just $150, and many of the more than 50 campers receive scholarships, bringing the price down to $25.

#Austin MN #Spam Museum #autism-friendly town #autism

[system-architect]

50 Q for Vax... please, I need it

OH BOY vax... i’ve been rping him a lot lately but he still remains a bit of an enigma!! lets see..

Personal

1)      Age? 23! he acts older than his age i think

2)      Gender? like all my other ocs bc i’m very self indulgent, he is a trans guy!

3)      Romantic/Sexual Orientation? vax can think boys are cute, but he’s never been a very romantically active person. he doesn’t lack a capacity for affection, he’s just always... busy with other stuff? it’s not something he thinks about often. if he’s buzzy around someone it’s probably bc he adores their cybernetics/etc work

4)      Height? probably smth like 3′9″

5)      Race? asura (+ cyborg??)

6)      What do they look like? (i.e, hair color, eye color, etc). i’m gonna link The Vax Draw, i’m undecided about whether his hair is naturally full black or if the white stripes are weird pigment loss... PS he has a ton of moles all over, not just on his face :D

7)      Any disabilities? hokay this is a Vax Secret but he has some sort of muscular and/or skeletal disorder i need to research into/get specifics on but the general idea is that he can get very weak and achey and have trouble moving sometimes! he deals with this via another Vax Secret i might talk about sometime

8)      Is there a meaning to their name? in asuran ?? idk i dont think their names have meanings, but irl its a shortened asurafied version of ‘vaccine’ bc i thought it sounded cool

9)      What makes them, them? Odd Question but he’s very shaped by his childhood experiences studying his father’s work and looking up to his dad and he’s very defined by his innate drive to bulldoze towards goals he has and wants to research... he’s a very stubborn and determined person who’s very much an agent For Himself

10)   What do they want to be when they grow up/what do they want to do with their lives? he is Growed Up but he really wants to keep chasing revolutions in prosthetics/augments/cybernetics.. he wants to help people in ways they couldn’t otherwise be helped (atypical inquest huh)

Family

11)   Do they have parents? What are they like and how do they act with their child(ren)? yes one parent, a single dad! ppl who’ve been watchin my hell rp server stuff will know his name is akka and he’s one of the top prosthetics smiths in the industry and was very private about his work but had a very cutting edge philosophy towards artificial parts and lead some really revolutionary work... dr. akka is a very kind and patient man with a good soul who is a tad weary from the world but he loved his son very much! he and vax had a great bond and vax was always eager to learn about his dad’s life work and his dad was always eager to teach him.. akka is an overall pretty amazing man, it’s a shame he joined the inquest for some reason and now we don’t know his current whereabouts......

12)   Do they have siblings? How do they interact with them? If not, do they wish they had siblings? he technically has a sibling! maybe more? but he’s never met them... vax is perfectly pleased with being an only child, we’ll have to see how he reacts if he ever meets this one. it’s actually a character y’all are already familiar with.......

13)   Extended family? Do they see them often? nope and nope

14)   Do they like where they live? (Is it a safe place?) vax essentially lives out of his workshop within the sigma-5 prime division laboratory space which is Not a safe place no....... but he loves it... he technically has an apartment somewhere in soren draa that is as much of a junk pile as his workshop whoops (vax is very much a ‘i know where everything is in this chaos. don’t move it’ person...)

15)   Where do they live? Are they wealthy? Poor? Middle-Class? i semi-answered this above but he has enough funding via the inquest to do his research projects as well as have a place for himself! i wouldn’t call him upper class probably just kinda middle ish, he keeps himself afloat alright

16)   Do they have a lot of expectations/pressure on them from family to do great? despite vax’s attachment to akka’s work and vice versa, akka is a very chill guy who never expected vax to live up to it or anything like that.. he just thought it was great vax had the interest in it

17)   Do they have pets? alas, no.... if he did i could see him owning smth more atypical like a ferret and fuck i kinda like that idea now i’ll have to meditate on it

18)   Who do they look up to the most/are the closest to in their family? take one guess

19)   This there anything special about their family? his dad being a renowned prosthetics doctors is pretty special yeah

20)   Do they wish they lived in a different family/household? absolutely not

Friends

21)   Best Friend(s)? alas vax is... very very much a lone wolf! this section is gonna be hard to answer and i’m probably gonna have to cross out some stuff because vax purposefully doesn’t really get close to anyone and he’s exceedingly unperturbed about this.. i meant it when i said he’s very self-driven! he’s not ultra egotistic and he doesn’t hate other people, nor is he unempathetic (i’d say he has a good degree of empathy actually), he’s just kind of... uninterested? he won’t hate you or be nasty to you for no reason, he’s just not interested in befriending/being around you as an aspect of his life

22)   Who was their first friend? probably some of the other progeny tried to befriend him in precollege he he was Smart which is Cool but they quickly learned that vax’s idea of friendship is he will give you a quick synopsis of what he’s currently on and then go silent as he continues to work on it

23)   What is their friend group like? there are a lot of inquest underlings who try to suck up to him because he’s their boss and also a shining star virtuoso with his work................. vax remains oblivious and unpeturbed

24)   Do they have a love/hate relationship with any of them? yes. specifically plex. who is his best tech ops drone but plex is a... sort of pushy person wrt trying to Befriend vax and he has a very obvious crush on vax and vax is mostly oblivious to it but sometimes feels weird about plex’s sudden ‘random’ bursts of being super buddy-buddy with him. in plex’s defense a bit, plex doesn’t know how to interact with people either

25)   Do they consider any of their friends to be like siblings?

26)   Have they ever hurt a friend or lost one? he’s probably unintentionally driven off people by coming across as super cold... i think he feels bad if he accidentally upsets people with his demeanor but he’s not quite sure what to do about it bc he doesn’t really want to upset people but he also doesn’t want to force himself to be MegaFriendly anyway esp considering his trials with social interaction are kind of a hardwired brain thing (he’s got like... vague assorted ADHD-autistic spectrum traits)

27)   Do they have a crush on any of their friends?

28)   Do they share classes with good friends?

29)   Whom do they go to the most when they need a shoulder to cry on? vax internalizes all his problems and works through them privately khgjdf he’s a weird mixture of stable and mature but sometimes unhealthy

30)   What would this person do without their friends in their lives? [img of vax doing vague shrugging motions here] as aloof as he is he probably at the very least appreciates that other people have interest in his work! so would be a bit sad if he didn’t have that

School

31)   What grade are they in? If they aren’t in school, how come? he has graduated college! he was top of the class his year at dynamics

32)   Do/Did they like their teachers? Was there a good one? Bad one? i’m sure he’s had a Variety of teachers but most of his teachers probably liked him a good bit since he’s smart and yknow, Asura Be Like That... i’m sure he’s conversely had a few who butted heads with him over his philosophy on cybernetics because he has a much more open ended approach that’s a bit focused on the idea that prosthetics are body parts and people with prosthetics are Whole People not People With Additional Bits Slapped On/In and he’s very ginger with prosthetics/augments he handles and treats them like they’re the same as fleshy body parts and deserve the same delicate care despite being metal, and overall he has more of a focus on the actual people he’s working with i think, and i can see some more hardass/uptight teachers in particular not liking this because it’s kinda unasuran to more traditionalist types to have such a.. humane view on work rather than being enthused solely with your numbers and research results

33)   Do/Did they listen to their teachers or are/where they goofing off a lot? vax is very headstrong and if you have useful advice then its useful advice but if you dont then fuck off and let him do his work how he’s determined to do it... he doesn’t goof off but he has no respect for authority if authority gives bad commentary

34)   Are/Where they a good student grade wise? top marks except for in classes where he was abrasive with the teachers who’s work ethics clashed with his but what can you do

35)   Do/Did they need extra help? nope... he probably ended up tutoring a few people actually (which probably was due to a nudge from a teacher and not.. vax’s sole volition of wanting to tutor people)

36)   What is/was their school like?

37)   Do/Did they have bullies in school? i’m sure he Didn’t Get Along With some others bc he’s Weird

38)   Have they ever gotten into a fight at school? yes he’s absolutely metaphorically gone for someone’s throat because they had the audacity to challenge him on something that they were both wrong about and not as passionate about as him

39)   Have they ever done something stupid/embarrassing at school? i’m sure he has but i can’t rlly think of anything (boring answer srry)

40)   How far do they plan to go with school? If they dropped out, do they want to go back?

Other

41)   Are they dating anyone? Do they want to date? Are the married? Divorced? i already kinda answered this but he’s not partic romantically involved... however i think if he found someone he was In Sync With and who understood his mannerisms then he’d be very content with them... i think he would need a stable easygoing relationship based on shared interests and just casually fitting together and supporting each other rather than anything passionately heated or overly focused on traditional displays of affection

42)   What is their favorite hobby? Do they keep it a secret? he’s a big nerd who collects various prosthetics/augment models and he absolutely doesn’t keep it a secret...................... 75% of the RP i’m in with him rn has been him geeking out over augs. the other 25% was me describing the facility.

43)   If they could have one thing in life, what would it be? i think he’s more overall focused on the idea of a continuous stream of improvement over a few static goals? he’s constantly laying out new traintracks in front of himself to steam ahead on... he’d like to be happy and successful at what he does, ultimately, and really attain super advanced inventions

44)   Do they work? If so, what is it? If not, are they looking for one or even want one? despite everything i’ve said here about him being a good empathetic guy, he is Inquest........ the inquest funds his research he does at their labs and they pay him for being the sigma-five supervisor

45)   Do they use social media? i can’t see him using social media much tbh... he might be into podcasts and asuran youtube a bit

46)   Have they ever been in the hospital? due to his strength issues and some stuff that happened as a very small child he has been quite a bit yes

47)   Do they believe in the supernatural, that there is more than the eye can see? this is a weird question in the context of gw2 which has canon ghosts whoops.. im gonna interpret it as ‘are they superstitious’... vax isnt superstitious and i think he’d be very brave facing questionably supernatural forces but in a sort of logical way uh... he would Not be the first to die in a horror movie.... he’s a skeptic of non-scientific magic things with i think some lingering internal paranoia.. he’s a very logical person

48)   What do they do when they get angry, stressed, or upset? broods in private probably....... depending on what he’s heated about he might go sit by himself for awhile or he’s gonna take his anger out while working on a project

49)   Would they consider themselves as a good person, bad person, or morally grey? i think he tries to be a good person but he’s skeptical of that Status a lot and worries over it a good bit... again, typical inquest!

50)   Does this OC have any part of you in them? (I.e, personality traits, similar background, etc) all of my ocs have parts of me in them to some degree, i think vax carries some things related to my disabilities, interpersonal and moralistic struggles, and the nerdy passion over my special interests

#oc talk #ask memes #tHIS TOOK SO LONG IM SO SORRY #vax

[mikototsu-trash]

This might sound stupid but do you think Mikoto could've had minor autism? Like some signs he showed are demonstrate little safety or danger awareness, have little to no social skills, not demonstrate interest, and unusual sleeping habits.

So I’ll whack a big disclaimer on this: I’m allistic, so I’m not really the best person to be asking about this. I’m not super educated on autism and its symptoms, and I’m definitely not going to tell anyone they can’t headcanon Mikoto as autistic if they believe it might be the case or if they feel they relate to him because they see themselves in him. I’m also gonna whack another disclaimer on this that everyone experiences autism in different ways, not everyone has every symptom and some people might have completely different sets of symptoms and still both be autistic so it’s not a simple question to ask. Obviously I invite any of my followers who are autistic to give your input if you have any thoughts on the matter, or if anything I’ve said is inaccurate so I can correct it. 

That being said: I’ve never thought of him that way before personally, and I tend to see most of his symptoms etc. as being a result of depression rather than autism - his excessive sleeping, his avoidance of people (possibly due to anxiety that he’s going to hurt them), his general disinterest in things, and his lack of concern for his own safety, are all things I would attribute to depression. It’s pretty safe to say that Mikoto is strongly coded as having depression and possibly other mental health disorders like anxiety and possibly even PTSD. 

He also lacks a lot of the sort of “classic” symptoms of autism (which I am referencing from this website). For instance, Mikoto doesn’t seem to struggle at all in interpreting social interactions - he doesn’t miss sarcasm or misunderstand people’s tones and facial expressions. He doesn’t really have “difficulty” interacting with people so much as he doesn’t seem to want to. He also doesn’t seem to have any particular need for routine, doesn’t have special interests, and doesn’t seem to struggle with overstimulation. 

However there is also a case to be made in favour of headcanoning him as autistic. For instance, he seems to fit some of the description of pathological demand avoidance quite well, and he does have some of the social interaction symptoms - appearing insensitive, seeking time alone, struggling to express his feelings, and avoiding seeking comfort in other people.

Personally, I don’t headcanon Mikoto as autistic, but as I’ve said, I’m not going to say anyone who does is wrong, and this is all based on cursory research - obviously this isn’t an exhaustive list of all the characteristics of autism and whether or not Mikoto fits them. 

#suoh mikoto #k project #anonymous #answered #q

[uristmcdorf]

4 episodes in and...

I am SO CONFLICTED on the new Trek series!

Like, it really really doesn’t FEEL like Trek.

I think of episodes that really epitomise what Trek is to me, and it’s episodes like The Measure of a Man, or The Drumhead.

The exploration, the new worlds and new civilisations, were wonderful.  But what made them truly special was the way the worlds became a backdrop for humanity to explore itself.  Trek never shied away from social themes, and a core aspect of Trek has always been the notion that, while individual humans may be flawed, bad or good, open-minded or bigoted, that human society as a whole is better than that.  And Starfleet was supposed to represent the best of the best.  Picard, Sisko, Janeway and yes Kirk all made mistakes, but they upheld the most high standards of their society.  And where they failed, it was usually when they found themselves battling scenarios where there was no good or right solution, where their morals and beliefs were tested to the very limit by circumstances beyond their control.

I believed wholeheartedly that Picard was facing an extreme personal crisis when he found himself having to deal with his hatred of the Borg, once Hugh came into his custody.  Because I’d seen Picard fight to the very line to uphold his beliefs.  I’d seen him show willingness to destroy his own ship and everyone on it rather than harm or kill a nascent sentient nanobot species.  I’d seen him find ways to open communications with and learn to understand a people who communicated exclusively in stories.  I’d seen him wrench his own heart upon the altar of the law to protect the rights of his crewmen.  So when he wanted to slaughter every Borg he could, that had a shocking weight.

I believes wholeheartedly that collaborating with Garak to force an alliance under false pretences shook Sisko to the very core.  I’d seen him fight so hard to straddle that line and strike that balance of representing Star Fleet and his ideals to the fullest while dealing with the difficulties of working out on the edges of things.  I recognised that he was going against everything he believed in because there was no one answer that was right.

We’ve seen Starfleet accept the losses of multiple colonies full of life in the name of even the merest shred of hope at finding peace and dialogue.  We’ve seen them work themselves to the brink of oblivion to die as the people they know themselves to be, rather than live as something shameful.

In Discovery, we’ve got some exciting new ideas I can see them seeding.  The new captain is obviously being set up to be the real villain of the show, Klingon threat be damned.  It’s clear that they’re setting him up to be manipulating his crew emotionally, abusing and gaslighting them into following him further away from Starfleet ideals all in the name of winning the war.  He’s co-opted a science vessel and turned it into a machine of war, and he shames and guilts his crew any time they express doubt or concern.  In the most recent episode, his manipulative trick of forcing the whole crew to listen to the screams of the dying to get at *one single science officer who expressed dissatisfaction* led to another crewmember acting so recklessly that they were killed as a result.

But the thing is, I can recognise this because I know what Trek is supposed to be.  When I see Michael and Saru and Tilly and Anthony, I know what they’re supposed to represent.  I know how their life and their exploration of the world is supposed to go. 

But if I wasn’t a fan of Trek already, if I didn’t have an entire childhood and adolescence spent obsessively watching and re-watching and learning from the previous shows, I wouldn’t feel that at all from this current show.

Because we got 10 minutes of the first episode dedicated to Trek As It’s Supposed To Be, before everything went topsy-turvy.  And it went topsy-turvy so hard and so fast and happened, in fact, entirely off-screen (we went from science ships to some sort of weird black ops ship off-screen in the 6 months between episode 2 and episode 3?), that if I was new to Trek I’d honestly have no real solid feeling that there was anything out of the ordinary about the way this ship is being run, aside from the captain being WoooOOOooo creepy and probably a bad guy.

Because if Picard’s crew were forcibly transported to this timeline and shoved under the creepy captain’s command they’d have refused to enslave the tardigrade against its will, found a way to communicate with it, got it to agree to help them get to the mining colony and saved the day without losing a piece of their soul. 

I don’t know enough about the crew of the Discovery to know that they weren’t always flouting the ethics of Starfleet even before the war.  Hell, the biggest protest we get against the way things are going comes from Anthony, and his complaint isn’t about the abuse and enslavement of a unique intelligent lifeform they’ve discovered, but about how he just wants to do science and not make the fighty fight.  Which when the stakes that episode were *hundreds of people die and Starfleet is unable to supply enough fuel to continue the war* was a very poorly communicated attempt to reflect some traditional Trek ethics, if that’s indeed what it was.

The people of Starfleet have never been unwilling to go to war and to fight when they needed to.  That was never their issue.

And I guess... I mean the new Klingons are interesting and there is so much potential in the way they’re clearly framed as a reflection of the so-called “alt-right” currently on the rise.  But they are not Klingons.  And I’m not talking about the way they look, I can get behind that and even know there’s canon that can support it technically.  They don’t *feel* Klingon.  They don’t act Klingon. 

Voq and L’Rell have had moments that are clearly supposed to be romantically coded and they are so laughably removed from any semblance of Klingon flirting or sexuality as to actually piss me off.

And I mean, between the Klingons clearly not being Klingon, the uniforms that bear no relation to anything from the timeline, the sleek modern ships and the appearance of multiple very obviously android-like aliens on the crews... I don’t understand why they felt it so important to set the story pre-TOS.  This could easily have been a post-Voyager series set in the world of humanity’s expanded interest and exploration of the delta quadrant, or even beyond that.  Everything about it feels far more appropriate to that than the early years of Starfleet we’re supposed to be watching.

I’m still watching.  I love Burnham, and Saru, and I’m growing to like Tilly and Anthony even if I do think they’re clumsy attempts to represent an autistic crewman and a gay crewman respectively (the whole interaction between Anthony and the doctor who I SWEAR I PREVIOUSLY READ IS SUPPOSED TO BE HIS FUCKING HUSBAND??? WTF WAS THAT???).  And I can see them seeding a The-Mutineer-Crewmember-has-to-mutiny-against-an-actually-bad-captain-ohno-how-will-she-convince-this-crew-to-trust-her that could either be brilliant or the most annoying plot point ever depending on how they pull it off.

But it doesn’t feel like star trek.  At all.  I’m still waiting for it to feel like Star Trek. 

I waited 12 years for another Star Trek show.  15 if you consider that Voyager was the last one that really had the right spirit for all its flaws. 

It feels like I’m still waiting.

It’s still missing the biggest thing of all that is core to Trek.

It’s missing Hope.

#star trek discovery #star trek #have my nerd feels #have them all #i don't want them

[scriptautistic]

Hi! I'm autistic but I struggle to imagine how I'd react in certain situations, so I thought you might be able to help with this. I have a story set in a boarding school, with three autistic characters, and I was wondering if you had any ideas about how autistic people would cope in that environment, and what sort of help the school might be able to provide? One character is very emotional and although she has a lot of friends, she finds it hard to connect and form real friendships. (part 1/4)

(boarding school anon) she has shutdowns regularly, where she goes non-verbal and avoids contact with people, but doesn’t recognise these as shutdowns as she’s undiagnosed. The second character comes across as quite emotionless, is very intelligent, and sticks to routines a lot and gets upset if these routines are broken. She struggles with socialising so avoids making friends and interacting with people, instead choosing to spend her time studying and researching her SI. (part 2/4)            

(boarding school anon) the third character is physically disabled, in a wheelchair, and is very honest and “brash”. He doesn’t really care about what people think about him, but does enjoy it when he has friends who he gets along with. He spends a lot of his time researching his SI, often putting his other studies aside for this. (part ¾)

(Boarding school anon) He has meltdowns rather than shutdowns like the others, and can’t stand sharing his space with other people, with them messing up/touching his things, etc. Thank you for any advice you can give! (Part 4/4)            

I will begin with a short disclaimer:

I have neither worked in nor attended a boarding school, so I am drawing from conversations I have had with colleagues who have attended or worked in boarding schools. Additionally, these colleagues all attended/worked in private boarding schools, apart from one who attended a school for teenagers with physical disabilities.

Right! So, first of all, there is a lot of variation between different schools in general, but even more between different types of school - I don’t know what the system is like in your country, but for the UK you could consider whether the boarding school is private, grammar, or maintained school; mainstream or special education; secular or religious. Each of these school types will have its own quirks that change how your characters experience the school.

Here are some possible ways that being in a boarding school might affect autistic characters:

many routines are likely to be consistent

meal times will be at the same time each day, and the choice of foods is likely to follow a schedule - the consistency and routine is likely to be good for your characters

a character with food aversions may struggle to get access to foods they find palatable, and staff may or may not be understanding of their aversions

characters may have to share a room with a room-mate or as part of a dormitory - messy, noisy peers may cause distress

characters might miss their families, and might not understand why they can’t just go home

the transition from home to school (and vice versa) is significant, and is likely to be difficult for some of your characters

there are different board types that might make transitions more of a problem - weekly boarders will have to make the transition from home life to school life more frequently, whereas full boarders might find the transition to be less frequent but more distressing

full boarders might well find that the weekends are much quieter (if most other students are only weekly), which some characters might find relieving (quiet at last!) but others might find distressing (more change)

all the people that I know who attended boarding schools have spoken about the “hi-jinks” they got up to (climbing on rooves, breaking into buildings, pulling pranks). This might be distressing for an autistic individual, particularly one who is very focused on rules

all the boarders at the school are going to spend a lot of time in close proximity to one another -- best case scenario, this means that your autistic characters might learn to interpret some of their peers’ expressions- if a character is experiencing bullying, they might find it hard to escape their bullies (they can’t even go home after school to escape)- I have heard lots of people talk about forming very intense relationships at boarding school - an autistic character might find it hard to navigate these relationships, or might feel isolated if the people around them are forming tight friendships but they have been unsuccessful in making meaningful relationships.

As for support that the school might provide, it is worth considering the school’s general attitude towards disability. Although in theory schools have a duty to support all students, in practise their attitudes vary hugely, as do the effectiveness of their strategies for helping students. Schools that have a positive attitude towards disabilities and neurodiversity will be more likely to put work into making sure students are given the tools and preparation they need to succeed, whereas other schools will instead punish students when the lack of support leads to meltdowns and poor results. You also need to consider whether the school picks up on your characters’ needs (or they might pick up on one student’s needs, but not the others’).

Here are some ideas for support that the school might provide:

teaching assistants during lessons

supervised study periods in the evenings for all students (a study period every evening, students have to attend either a study period or an enrichment activity, and attend a minimum of 2 study periods per week)

“homework club” for students who need additional support (where students can get support from teaching assistants during periods that other students are at enrichment activities or in study periods)

“social skills” lessons (I put “social skills” in quotes, because the quality of social skills taught is, err, variable)

an area that students can retreat to if overstimulated

an agreed procedure for what to do if a student has a meltdown

preparing students for changes in routine (for example fire drills and sports days)

preparing students for big transitions (holidays, change of teachers)

using “social stories” to prepare students for the previous two bullet points, and to help students talk about their problems

intervention lessons (one-to-one or small-group tutoring) for core subjects

school-based counselling

using symbols to help students navigate the school or visualise their timetable

Here are a few ideas for what an individual teacher might do:

use a character’s special interest as a starting point for a lesson

encourage a character to base a project on their special interest

provide balls or string to stim with during lessons

offer the option of working alone during group projects

follow set routines at the beginning and ends of lessons

Whew, I hope that helps! I have written this as a general post about boarding schools, but I have covered points that apply to each of your characters.

Do any followers have experience of being autistic and going to boarding school?

-Mod Snail

#anonymous #question #boarding school #education #school #mod snail

[unlessimwrongwhichyouknowimnot]

Autistic Arthur Shappey (Cabin Pressure)

Cabin Pressure is a BBC radio show following the four members of MJN Air, an airdot (because you need more than one plane to have an airline) run by Carolyn Knapp-Shappey. Arthur Shappey is the steward of the plane and Carolyn’s son. Arthur is voiced by John Finnemore, the creator of Cabin Pressure who also wrote every episode.

Arthur stood out to me as autistic from the 2nd episode when he mentioned taking a course on understanding people. Because autistic headcanons are turning into a new special interest of mine, I decided to create this list of reasons why Arthur is very much autistic. 

Martin Crieff, another character on the show, is also very autistic. You can find his list here.

The traits focused on were taken from this list of Inclusive Autistic Traits.

All the examples below were taken from transcripts at this website. 

Social

1. Differences in body language and nonverbal communication (this is obviously extremely difficult to tell with Cabin Pressure being a radio show, but there was one instance of Arthur’s body language being described as atypical)

2x02 – Gdansk

MARTIN: Yes. Arthur, what are you doing with your face? ARTHUR: I’m winking. MARTIN: You’re only supposed to use one eye. ARTHUR: I know, but I can only do that if I hold the other one open with my finger, and I thought Douglas would notice.

 2. Differences in verbal communication (Arthur struggles with not recognizing sarcasm, taking things literally, not understanding rhetorical statements/questions, struggling with metaphor, occasional echolalia etc.)

A. Different use of literal and metaphorical language

1x05 – Edinburgh 

ARTHUR: Oh, I just, er, popped onto the roof of the plane. CAROLYN: The roof?! What the hell are you doing up there?! ARTHUR: Well, the picture on the rugby went all funny, so Douglas said I should shin up onto the roof and twiddle the aerial … only now I’m here, I can’t seem to find it. CAROLYN: Ohh, you idiot boy! This is “Go and water the window boxes” all over again, isn’t it? ARTHUR: Ohhh!

3x06 – St. Petersburg

ARTHUR: Here you are, Skip. Nice hot cup of coffee. MARTIN: Oh.  (He takes a sip.) Aww! It’s cold! ARTHUR: Nice cup of coffee. MARTIN: It’s horrible! ARTHUR: Cup of coffee. MARTIN: I’m not even sure it is coffee. ARTHUR: … Cup. How’re you feeling?

~*~*~*~

DOUGLAS: Alas, an exhaustive search of St Petersburg airport duty free has yet to turn up anything in the shape of a Toblerone. ARTHUR: Triangular.

 4x03 – Vaduz

ARTHUR: Wow! It’s an actual castle! DOUGLAS: What did you expect Vaduz Castle to be? ARTHUR: I dunno. World of Leather was very disappointing.

 4x05 – Xinzhou

ARTHUR: Er, Mum? CAROLYN: Yes? ARTHUR: A quick question: you know those small chickens you get where everyone has one each? CAROLYN: Yes. ARTHUR: What are they called? CAROLYN: Poussin. ARTHUR: Oh. Not ‘baby chickens’. CAROLYN: No. ARTHUR: Oh. Chaps, you know how we were talking about mistakes? MARTIN: What have you done? ARTHUR: … and how they happen to all of us and it’s just one of those things? CAROLYN: What have you done? ARTHUR (frantically): It should have made it clearer! When I was ordering the catering, there was one called ‘baby chicken’ and I thought they’d be those little ones, and I love those because you feel like a giant! But they didn’t mean that! It-it meant these. CAROLYN: So … the catering you have laid on, Arthur, for four people trapped in a plane overnight, is two jars of chicken-flavoured baby food? ARTHUR: No! That’s not all. There’s two lamb-flavoured ones as well. DOUGLAS: What did you think ‘baby lamb’ was? ARTHUR: Well, all lambs are baby lambs.

~*~*~*~ 

CAROLYN: Arthur. Say something. ARTHUR: Ooh! Okay! What shall I say? CAROLYN: Well, anything, just so I know where you are and I don’t tread on you getting back to my seat. ARTHUR: Oh, right!  (Half-singing) ♪ Here I am, don’t tread on me. Here I am, don’t tread on me. Here I am, don’t tread on me. Here I am, don’t tread on me … ♪ 

 4x06 – Yverdon-les-Bains 

HERC: You can have something more interesting if you like, Arthur. There’s, er, there’s guava; mango; dragon fruit … ARTHUR: Wow.  Dragon fruit?! HERC: Help yourself. ARTHUR: Thanks, Herc! (He takes and eats a piece.) HERC: So, what do you think?  ARTHUR (with his mouth half full): Yeah, it’s quite nice. Mmm. It’sh not really what I was expecting. I-I thought it’d be a bit more, um, I don’t know … HERC: Dragony?

 Zurich – Part One

CAROLYN: It is a happy ending – just not a fairytale ending. We can’t expect that. Real happy endings are never simple. ARTHUR: Yes they are. Like in ‘Finding Nemo’ when they find Nemo. Or in ‘Casablanca’ when the woman gets a go on the plane. CAROLYN: It’s not! ARTHUR: I suppose maybe ‘The Jungle Book’ when you’re meant to be happy that Mowgli goes off with the boring girl to the human village instead of hanging out with Baloo and Bagheera. That’s a kind of sad happy ending.

 B. Different use of speech (Echolalia)

 4x05 – Xinzhou

(Arthur, Carolyn, Douglas, and Martin are having to sleep on the plane. Arthur has claimed the aisle to sleep, and sings his song when the others are moving past him in the dark so he doesn’t get stepped on. When he’s the one moving, he still sings the song.)

 ARTHUR (tiredly): ♪ Here I am, don’t tread on me. Here I am, don’t tread on me. ♪ CAROLYN: It’s you moving!

 Zurich – Part One

(Arthur has turned a small moving van into an ice cream van and created his own “ice cream chimes,” which consists of him repeating the words ‘ice cream’ repeatedly.)

ARTHUR (dramatically): The chimes. I’ve done my own ice cream chimes. Listen! (He inserts a cassette into a player and his own voice starts to play from it.) ARTHUR’s VOICE (singing to the tune of ‘Greensleeves’, with no musical accompaniment): ♪ Ice cream, ice cream, ice cream, ice cream, ice cream, ice cream, ice cream, ice. Ice cream, ice cream, ice cream, ice cream, get your lovely ice cream. ♪ (His voice goes very off-key at the end.) MARTIN: Er, yes, that’s … ARTHUR’s VOICE (straining for the high note at the beginning of the chorus): ♪ I-i-ice cream, i-i-i-ice cream, i-i-i-ice cream, i-i-i… ♪ (The cassette is turned off.)

 Differences in interactions and relationships (Arthur has a very distinct way of speaking to passengers, struggles with knowing how to communicate with others, and gets flustered easily in conversations. His mum sent him on a course on understanding people in Ipswich.)

 1x02 – Boston

ARTHUR: Good evening, sir, welcome on board today. Good evening, madam, welcome also to you today on board. Good evening, sir, welcome to being on board to you today. Ooh, er, sir? Excuse me? MR. LEEMAN (American accent): Yeah? What? ARTHUR: Er, may I inform yourself that MJN does run a fully comprehensive non-smoking service, and as such as a result of this, all cigarettes, cigars and cigarillos must be extinguished upon embarkation, and retained in a state of extinguishment until termination of disembarkation. Thank yourself for your co-operation. MR. LEEMAN: I’m not co-operating. ARTHUR: No, not yet, but I’m sure you’re going to in a minute, and then, thank you! MR. LEEMAN: Do you know how much I paid to be on this flight today? ARTHUR: I bet it was loads! MR. LEEMAN: Yeah, good guess. It was loads. It was so much that it seems to me that, uh … (he takes a drag on his cigarette) … I can pretty much smoke where I like, okay? ARTHUR: But … it … it’s very dangerous to smoke on an aeroplane. MR. LEEMAN: No it’s not. ARTHUR: … I don’t know what to say now. MR. LEEMAN: How old are you, sonny? ARTHUR: Twenty-eight and a half. MR. LEEMAN: Well, I was smoking on airplanes for twenty years before you were born. Why do you think the No Smoking signs go on and off? ARTHUR: Actually, ours don’t, mostly; although one of them flickers. And there’s one we can’t turn on at all because it makes the cabin smell of fish. MR. LEEMAN: Well, that sure gives me confidence. So, uh … (he takes another drag on his cigarette) … we’re all done here, right? ARTHUR: Yep! MR. LEEMAN: And I can smoke. ARTHUR: Er …

~*~*~*~

MARTIN: Shut up, Douglas! Now, Arthur, we’ve already had one fire scare on this trip. We can’t afford to take chances, and since we know that Mr. Leeman has been fully informed of the policy and therefore certainly won’t be smoking in the loo again … ARTHUR: Actually, I think he might. MARTIN: No, Arthur, he won’t. ARTHUR: Hmm. The thing is, though, Skip, with all due respect, but what I’ve got that you haven’t is that Mum sent me on a course on understanding people in Ipswich. MARTIN (slowly): And if I ever want the people of Ipswich understood, you’ll be the first person I call. Meanwhile … ARTHUR: Yeah, yeah, but it means I can now read people – you know, like a book. DOUGLAS: Have you ever read a book, Arthur? ARTHUR: Yes, actually!  White Fang. Twice. Anyway, bringing my people-reading skills to the table, I’m able to reveal to you now that Mr. Leeman didn’t show any of the five indicators of true resolve to change his behaviour patterns, and therefore, in a nutshell, I reckon he might smoke in the loo again.

1x03 – Cremona

ARTHUR: Might I ask yourself at this time if yourself would care to partake of the enjoyment of the in-flight entertainment system we do provide on the aircraft today? HESTER: What? ARTHUR: Shall I put the telly on?

 2x04 – Johannesburg

ARTHUR (into cabin address): Ladies and gentlemen, as you can see, our onboard transit process today has now reached its ultimate termination. CAROLYN: He means we’ve landed. ARTHUR: Yes. So, as yourselves prepare for disemboarding, if I could kindly ask you to kindly ensure you retain all your personal items about your person throughout the duration of the disembarkation. CAROLYN: He means take your stuff with you. ARTHUR: In concluding, it’s been a privilege for ourselves to conduct yourselves through the in-flight experience today, and I do hope you’ll re-favour ourselves with the esteem of your forth-looking custom going forward. CAROLYN: … No idea.

 4x02 – Uskerty

ARTHUR: No, no. I just think it would look good. And then, Douglas, we should be saying things like, you know, “Hey, you guy. The dames, eh?” “Yeah, the dames. Stupid dames. You had any luck with the horses?” “No, the horses are all … idiots. You know, between the dames and the horses, sometimes I don’t even know why I put my hat on.” That’s how they talk in bars, isn’t it? DOUGLAS: … No, Arthur. That’s not how anyone talks, anywhere. ARTHUR: Oh, right. So … how-how do they …? I mean, I’ve never really been to a … What sort of things do they say?

DOUGLAS: I don’t know. You just ask about each other’s lives. ARTHUR: Oh, okay. Right. Er … So, do you miss your ex-wife? DOUGLAS: What?! ARTHUR: No! No! DOUGLAS: You don’t … not like that! ARTHUR: Sorry, sorry. DOUGLAS: You don’t talk about anything. You-you just … I dunno – you-you joke. You moan about sport; you-you tease each other. It’s terrific. ARTHUR: I don’t know about sport. Um, I could tease you, though. I’d like to be better at teasing. DOUGLAS: Well, you can’t just … ARTHUR: Honestly, Douglas, you silly great … man. Look at you with your hair all … straight. … It’s not easy, is it? DOUGLAS: Apparently not.

~*~*~*~

ARTHUR: I ju… I just don’t know the sort of things people say. DOUGLAS: Yes you do. You’ve heard me tease Martin hundreds of times. ARTHUR: Oh, right, okay. Er … I notice Sir isn’t terribly tall today. DOUGLAS: … Yes. That’s better. Of course, I am quite tall. ARTHUR: Oh, damn! It’s-it’s just really difficult with you. There’s-there’s nothing to make fun of. (Silence.) ARTHUR: What? DOUGLAS: I’m a fifty-seven year old first officer with three ex-wives and I’m drinking sodding pineapple juice. ARTHUR: I know. So? DOUGLAS: Nothing. You know, I think maybe you should give up on teasing. It’s not really your thing. ARTHUR: Okay. DOUGLAS: If it helps, you are excellent at being teased. ARTHUR: Oh, really? Am I? DOUGLAS: Oh, first rate! Second only to Martin. He’s the master. ARTHUR: Aww, thanks, Douglas! And-and maybe if I practise, I could get as good as him. DOUGLAS: As good as Martin? I’m afraid not. He always goes the extra mile. The man just phoned me from up a tree.

 Sensory

 1. Differences in sensory sensitivity (Arthur prefers certain sensory experiences as shown below)

 1x06 - Fitton

(When discussing whether it’s possible to be perfectly happy, Arthur provides sensory examples to prove that he’s often perfectly happy.)

ARTHUR: Like, for instance, when you get into a bath quickly and it’s just the right temperature, and you go … (blissfully) … “Ohhhh!”

~*~*~*~

ARTHUR: Like when you realise your knuckles are ready for cracking.

 2. Strong enjoyment, desire, or need for certain types of sensory input. Demonstrated by stimming (self-stimulation) behaviour.

1x06 – Fitton

ARTHUR: This – tossing an apple from hand to hand. It just feels really nice. I could do it for hours. Try it.

 Cognitive

1. Strength of focus and rigidity (Arthur will attach himself to certain topics and learn a lot about them in a short amount of time. He plays the game of “Yellow Car” every time he’s in a car and gets upset when the rules of the game are changed.)

A. Intense focus and interests

 1x03 – Cremona

Hester Macauley

ARTHUR (excitedly): Hester Macauley?! The Lady of the Lake?! In my cabin?!

ARTHUR (high-pitched with excitement): She was Griselda, the Lady of the Lake – in-in Quest for Camelot!

ARTHUR: Right. I see. Still, though, I just want to say, I am your biggest fan. HESTER: Oh really? ARTHUR: Absolutely!

 3x01 – Qikiqtarjuaq

Polar Bears/Bears (plus bonus Egypt!)

ARTHUR (almost bursting with excitement): What?! Are we?! Polar bears?! We’re gonna fly over polar bears?! And see them and look at them and be with the polar bears?!

CAROLYN: Oh, if you’re online, Douglas, look up ‘polar bears’ or ‘exploring’ or something. DOUGLAS: Why? CAROLYN: Because one of you will have to give a lecture on it. Unbeaten Track’s thing is that the crew are all experts on the region and they give lectures. ARTHUR: Can I give a lecture on polar bears? CAROLYN (instantly): No. DOUGLAS: What do you know about polar bears, Arthur? ARTHUR: Polar bears are … brilliant. DOUGLAS: You might want to pad that out with some PowerPoints.

ARTHUR: And this one’s a koala bear. Uh, that’s not actually a bear, in fact. This one is a panda bear.  That’s not actually a bear. Honestly, it’s like nothing’s actually a bear.           MRS COOK (Canadian accent): I’m sorry. I’m confused. Why are you showing me this? ARTHUR: It’s interesting about bears and things. Don’t worry: it’s all part of the service. It’s not extra. We’re all experts on stuff today, you see? I’m the expert on bears. And Egypt, actually. In Egypt, they used to pull your brains out through your nose with a hook. And that’s not even something in this book – that’s something I know!

ARTHUR: Hello. Uh, we didn’t meet properly. I’m Arthur. I’m the steward and bear expert. For instance, the sloth bear eats half its own body weight every month.

ARTHUR: Right, because I just know an awful lot about bears – at the moment. Uh, so if you ever need to, you know, borrow me, well you’d have to sort it out with Mum but I’m sure it’d be okay.

(Flight deck door bursts open.) ARTHUR: BEARS!! (Martin yells out in surprise.) ARTHUR: Bears, bears, bears! Polar bears! Look, on the ground!

CAROLYN: Goodbye. Goodbye. Thank you for flying with Unbeaten Track. ARTHUR: Goodbye. A female bear is called a sow. CAROLYN: Goodbye, madam. Thank you for flying Unbeaten Track. ARTHUR: Goodbye. A grizzly bear can strip a deer’s carcass in six minutes. MRS COOK: I beg your pardon? CAROLYN: Farewell bear facts, madam, courtesy of Unbeaten Track.

 4x01 – Timbuktu

Timbuktu

ARTHUR: Oh, and I, er, I found that book you wanted, Douglas. DOUGLAS: What book? ARTHUR: About Timbuktu. DOUGLAS: Oh, right. Yes, well, you hang on to that for now. ARTHUR: Oh, okay. It’s about all of Africa really, but there’s a chapter on Mali and a page on Timbuktu. I’ve nearly finished it. MARTIN: The book? ARTHUR: The page. It sounds amazing. I can’t wait to see it!

ARTHUR: Don’t mention it. I read the whole page of that book. I’m basically an expert on Timbuktu now.

ARTHUR: Er, no, Douglas, you’re thinking of France. Mali was in the French Empire. DOUGLAS: No, Arthur … ARTHUR: Yeah, no, definitely. It was in my book.

ARTHUR: It’s just, my book was saying that most transport is still camels and donkeys, but I haven’t seen a camel all journey!

ARTHUR: Well, it is a bit surprising, Mum, because the book was saying the Sahara’s one of the flattest places in the world!

 B. Preference for routine and sameness (Arthur has a certain game he plays every time he’s in the car, and he gets upset if someone changes the rules.)

 The Official Rules for Yellow Car

3x04 – Ottery St. Mary

ARTHUR: Yellow car. DOUGLAS: What? ARTHUR: Nothing. Just “yellow car”. MARTIN: Why did you say “yellow car”? ARTHUR: There was a yellow car. MARTIN: But why did you say “yellow car”? ARTHUR: You’ve got to say “yellow car” when there’s a yellow car. MARTIN: Why? ARTHUR: That’s how you play Yellow Car. MARTIN: I’m not playing Yellow Car. ARTHUR: You’re always playing Yellow Car.

 4x01 – Timbuktu

ARTHUR: … Yellow car. MR. BIRLING: Can’t you do something to stop him saying that? CAROLYN: Trust me: there is no power on Earth.

 4x03 – Vaduz

MAXIMILIAN: Green truck. That counts double. ARTHUR (indignantly): What?! No, no, that’s not how you play! MAXIMILIAN: It is in Liechtenstein. ARTHUR: No it’s not! MAXIMILIAN: It is, because I’m the King of Liechtenstein and I say it is. A hundred points to me! ARTHUR (frantically): There aren’t any points!

 2. Difference in cognitive abilities (Arthur struggles with executive function and has been shown to have a slower processing speed. He needs multiple prompts to do things and struggles with multi-step directions.)

2x06 – Limerick

CAROLYN: Arthur. Arthur, it’s an intercom, not a chat line. You’re supposed to be putting the dinner on. ARTHUR: Oh, right. Sorry, Mum.

~*~*~*~

ARTHUR: Is it valuable? CAROLYN: No! Of course not(!) A client just chartered a plane and two pilots to fly a packet of crisps halfway round the world(!) Arthur … you remember when I told you to put the dinner on? ARTHUR: Yeah. CAROLYN: Did you, in fact, do that? ARTHUR: … No. No, now I think about it, I got mixed up and made coffee. CAROLYN: Then perhaps you could have another crack at it now. ARTHUR: Right-o! What are we having?

~*~*~*~

CAROLYN: Arthur.  Why is there a half-cooked Admiral’s pie congealing in the microwave? ARTHUR: Oh! I forgot about it. It was just having its little rest in the middle, because otherwise it goes all bubbly at the edges and you have to … CAROLYN: Yes, thank you, Heston Blumenthal. Just sort it out. ARTHUR: Right-o.

 3x04 – Ottery St. Mary

ARTHUR: Here we are, chaps … er, chap. Coffee for you, Douglas, and coffee for you … to maybe have a bit later on, Douglas. DOUGLAS: Did you by any chance forget Martin wasn’t flying today, Arthur? ARTHUR: No, I didn’t, actually. It’s just, I only know the amounts to make coffee for two people. DOUGLAS: You could just have made half what you usually make. ARTHUR: Well, I couldn’t because I’d only know what to make half of once I’d made it, and once I’d made it, I’d made it.

~*~*~*~

DOUGLAS: Give me strength. The address on the envelope you picked up from Martin’s pigeonhole at the airfield. ARTHUR: … Right. Now … I know how you’re going to be, but remember you also asked me to pick up the van keys. MARTIN: Arthur … ARTHUR: Half the job was picking up the van keys, and that part I did brilliantly!

3x05 – Rotterdam

DOUGLAS: It’s certainly biggest. All right, Arthur, in your own time. (Pause.) ARTHUR: Who’s saying ‘Action’? DOUGLAS: You can say ‘Action’. ARTHUR: Action! (Pause.) DOUGLAS (tiredly): And go.

 4x01 – Timbuktu 

MARTIN: Actually, we’re fine, Arthur. We-we’ll be landing in twenty minutes. ARTHUR: Oh, right-o. Oh, and a message from Mum. Er, she says how long until we land? DOUGLAS: … Right.

 3. Difference in thinking styles (Arthur thinks and learns in an atypical manner.)

 1x01 – Abu Dhabi

CAROLYN: What time is it? ARTHUR: Six fifteen … Oh, damn! CAROLYN: What? ARTHUR: I’m trying to train myself always to talk in twenty-four hour clock, like Martin, but I keep forgetting. CAROLYN: Well, what should you have said? ARTHUR: Well, six fifteen. But not the six fifteen I was thinking of. You see, I was thinking of the one there’s two of, but when you do it right, there should only be one, and what I was … CAROLYN (interrupting): Arthur, Arthur, Arthur, light of my life, do please shut up.

2x06 – Limerick 

If you want to listen to this one, click here

MARTIN: Arthur? ‘M’. ARTHUR: What? Ooh! Er, Mountain. Moccasin. Magma. CAROLYN: What’s this now? DOUGLAS: Arthur’s trying to learn the phonetic alphabet. He favours the spot-check method of revision. None of the above, Arthur, no.

ARTHUR: Er, Molecule. Mongoose. Mosquito! MARTIN: Shorter. ARTHUR: Mosque. CAROLYN: It’s a name. ARTHUR: Macnamara. Michinson. Moon! DOUGLAS: A first name. ARTHUR: Er, Martin, er, Maggie, Milly, Molly, Mandy, Matthew, Michael … CAROLYN: Nearly! Shorter. ARTHUR: Mickey! Mick! Mi! Muh! MARTIN: No, Arthur, the phonetic alphabet version of the letter ‘M’ is not ‘Muh’. It’s ‘Mike’! ARTHUR: Oh! I was close, then.

~*~*~*~

ARTHUR: Sorry. Mum, did you say one minute, three minute, one minute? CAROLYN: Oh, for goodness’ sake! No! Of course not! What cooks for one minute and stands for three? It’s three, one, three. ARTHUR: Oh, right. Okay, actually that’s easy to remember, because I’ll just think of 433 Squadron, only remember to swap the first two numbers and take three off the middle one! CAROLYN: Arthur, are you insane? That’s the stupidest way to remember anything I’ve ever heard! MARTIN: Also, it’s not 433 Squadron, it’s 633 Squadron. ARTHUR: Oh, yeah! Thanks, Skipper. So first, I’ve got to add two to the squadron I think it is to get the real squadron and then swap … CAROLYN: No! Don’t do any of that. Just remember it. Just use your brain and remember the three numbers. ARTHUR: Yes! Sorry. Three … three … CAROLYN: No! Oh, come with me.

#cabin pressure #arthur shappey #autistic arthur shappey #autistic headcanon

[creacherkeeper]

I have an idea for a fic and I think you could do it better justice than I could, so here goes: Fitz realizes he's autistic after his child is diagnosed autistic. Partly inspired by your post thinking up an autistic fitz childhood fic and my own fitz as a dad feels after writing my little ficlet. Of course, if you don't want to write it, that's perfectly fine.

Processing Systems 

sorry this took a while to write! femslash feb happened so you know how that is. but here it is! in all its very educational glory! (with some fluff, it’s not all boring) 

3210 words 

read on AO3 

“Dr. and Dr. Fitz-Simmons, thank you for joining us,” the diagnostician,Dr. Booth, says, a professional smile on her face. Fitz and Jemma take a seatacross from her at her desk, while Caroline, as calm as the four-year-old canmanage, bounds into the diagnostician’s window seat and presses her faceagainst the glass, watching the cars go by outside, her hands twisting togetherin her lap.

“Thank you for seeing us on such short notice,” Jemma says.“Our schedules can be a bit … hectic, as you know, but you’ve been very accommodatingwith your time.”

“Of course.” Dr. Booth readjusts her glasses, peering at apile of papers on her desk. “Now, you said you were advised to come here byyour daughter’s school, correct? This wasn’t an unprompted decision.”

“She’s our first,” Fitz explains, glancing over to Caroline,who hasn’t moved, is just staring wide-eyed out the window. “And neither of ushave a lot of experience with kids. We didn’t think there was anything …different, about her.” He scratches at his face, then looks down at his lap,adding somewhat defensively, “We didn’t think there was anything to beconcerned about.”

“No one said anything about concern,” says Dr. Booth. “Youdon’t have to see this in a negative light. But if there is something to know,it’s good to know when your child is still young. There are steps you can taketo make sure your child is accommodated for, both at home and at school.”

“So there is something to know,” Jemma says, half aquestion.

“Before we get into the results, I just want the both of youto know the kind of strides that the field of psychology has taken in the lastdecade or so. We’re understanding different conditions more and more each year,diagnosis is becoming more accurate, treatment plans and accommodations aremore highly developed. There’s more to help families now than there ever hasbeen.”

“What are the results?” Fitz asks gruffly.

“Well,” Dr. Booth looks at her paper, a light smile on herface. “According to the tests we had Caroline do, as well as observation, and interviewswith the both of you, I’ve determined that Caroline does qualify for adiagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder.”

Jemma lets out a breath, looks towards Caroline, who doesn’tseem to be paying attention, and then towards Fitz, who’s eyebrows are drawntogether.

“There’s nothing wrong with my kid,” he bites out.

“I never said there was,” Dr. Booth assures him.

“You just said she has a disorder,” Fitz argues, facepinched in upset.

“Well, yes, that’s the official title. But not everyone seesit that way. Autism is classified as a disorder, but according to some schoolsof thought, it’s just one of the many kinds of neurodivergencies.”

“I guess—” Jemma starts, grabbing Fitz’s hand to rub herthumb along the side of his thumb, “we just don’t know much about it, is all. Imean, you hear things, but we aren’t really educated in the area. It’s inneither of our areas of expertise.”

“I can answer any questions you have, but let me explain alittle of the basics. Autism, or ASD, is classified as a developmentaldisability. It means that those with it—autistic people—hit developmentalcheckpoints at a different rate and sometimes in a different order than thegeneral population. It impacts aspects of communication such as spoken languageand body language, social skills, and will impact how autistic people processtheir environment and the world around them.”

“So it’s like …” Jemma risks a glance at Fitz, who’s notlooking at either of them. “It’s like having a different processing system inher brain.”

“Exactly,” Dr. Booth says. “Some autistic people compare itto being an Android phone in a world of iPhones. There’s nothing inherentlylesser about either system, they’re just different. They have different coding,run different apps, have different strengths and weaknesses. There are inherentchallenges in living in a world that wasn’t built for you, which is why it’s adisability, but every autistic person will have different ways of coping with andadapting to that. Some people can adapt in such a way that you wouldn’t be ableto tell the difference, and some people don’t.”

“So … you’re saying when she grows up, she might be—” Jemmawinces, thinking. “’Normal’, for lack of a better word.”

“No,” Dr. Booth says. “She’ll always be autistic, it’s notsomething you grow out of. Some people are just better at blending in. Forexample, most people wouldn’t guess I was autistic just from talking to me, butI am. And to be honest with you, I think it makes me even better at this jobthan most people are.”

“Because you can relate?” Jemma asks.

“That’s one reason. Autistic people are also highly attunedto the details of things, which is necessary when you’re a diagnostician. We’revery good at picking out patterns. There are certain advantages to having anautistic brain. Different strengths and weaknesses, like I said.”

Jemma squeezes Fitz’s hand, watching the side of his face.She can see he’s still obviously upset about something. “Doesn’t sound soscary,” Jemma says, trying to comfort them both.

“You know—” Fitz cuts himself off, glancing at the ceiling,then to Dr. Booth, then back up. “You know, where- where are you even gettingthis? She just- She seems like a normal kid. You- You say she’s different, butwhere are you getting that? How come you say my kid is so different? That she-she’s got different processing, or something.”

Dr. Booth watches him steadily, and finally he looks at her,then looks away. “You know, no one is saying this is a bad thing, Dr.Fitz-Simmons. There’s no need to be defensive about it. Having terms like thisto describe your child’s experiences can be a very helpful thing, in the longrun.”

“I think we would just be more comfortable if we understoodexactly where the diagnosis came from,” Jemma says, squeezing Fitz’s handagain.

“Of course,” Dr. Booth says, “I can explain how I came tothis conclusion. Well, I mentioned that autistic people process the worlddifferently. These differences in perception can affect our senses—manifestingin what we call sensory defensiveness and sensory seeking behaviors, of whichCaroline shows both.”

“Can you explain what that means?” Jemma asks, when Fitzdoesn’t say anything.

“We’ll start with sensory defensiveness. It means avoidanceof unpleasant sensory experiences, showing a level of sensitivity outside ofthe normal range. Caroline, for example, didn’t like when I turned the mainlight on in the testing room because it hurt her eyes, so we turned on a dimmerlamp instead. You both said that she startles easily and will cover her ears atloud noises, refuses to eat foods if she doesn’t like the texture, and is onlycomfortable in mild weather.”

“All that she gets from her dad, really,” Jemma says,smiling at him. “He’s always been sensitive to that kind of stuff.”

“Hey.”

“What? You have. You hate the cold, the heat, loud noises,certain foods—”

“Everyone has preferences,” Fitz defends. “Don’t seeanything wrong with that.”

“Let’s move on to the sensory seeking behaviors. Shedisplays what we call ‘stimming’—it’s short for self-stimulation. Autisticpeople do it to help themselves process their environment, both external andinternal. Stimming behaviors that Caroline displayed included hand flapping,hand twirling, bouncing, chewing on her lips and fingers—”

“Well, she gets that from me, too,” Fitz cuts her off. “I’vealways felt better when I’m in motion. She’s just twitchy, like me.”

“Okay,” Dr. Booth says, leveling him with a careful smile.“Her language skills are also a point of interest. She shows the capacity for avery advanced vocabulary, but rarely spoke when prompted. When she did, it wasjust to tell me about her favorite fish.”

“Oh yes,” Jemma says, beaming. “She does love fish. Allaquatic life, actually. She knows so much about it. It’s all she talks about,really.”

“And she showed an understanding of words far beyond her agelevel when she did, but for the most part she was silent. She obviouslyunderstood all my instructions, but didn’t respond to them.”

“I mean, she’s already above where I was,” Fitz says. “Ididn’t even speak ‘till I was six. But when I did, it was all about monkeys.She loves animals, just like me. She’s just focused.”

“We would call something like that a ‘special interest’,”Dr. Booth informs them. “It’s common for autistic people to want to focus on theirinterests when they’re by themselves, as well as a way of interacting withothers.”

“Was that all?” Jemma asks.

“Well, she also displayed what we refer to as ‘asymmetricalmotor skills’. Her fine motor skills, small movements, like her handwriting, werereally quite good. At or above the normal range. But gross motor skills, thingslike walking, controlling broad movement of her limbs when we played games,were much poorer.”

“Clumsiness runs in the family,” Fitz says. “I’m kind of aklutz. Good with my hands, though.”

“You know,” Dr. Booth starts cautiously, lacing her fingerson the table, turning to Fitz. “You seem to relate to an awful lot of thetraits your daughter displays, Dr. Fitz-Simmons.”

“W-Well—” Fitz scratches the back of his head, glancing atJemma. “I mean, she’s my kid. There’s going to be similarities.”

“Have you ever considered getting evaluated?”

Fitz just stares, Jemma glancing between them.

“What would that entail?” she asks.

“A similar process to what your daughter went through. A fewtests, an interview, some paperwork. It takes a few hours, when all is said anddone, over a day or two.”

“Sh-Should I?” Fitz asks, aimed at Jemma, mouth bobbing intoan open gape.

Jemma watches him carefully, then turns back to Dr. Booth.“What are the benefits?”

“Well, for adults especially, having an official word foryour experiences can be very relieving. It helps you to make sense of somethings that may have been in the dark in your life before. It can also help youfeel connected to other people like yourself—the autistic community is growingand thriving nowadays, and you can always reach out to other people who havesimilar experiences. And it opens avenues for accommodations in the workplaceas well, should you need them.”

She turns back to Fitz, giving a little shrug. “Is thatsomething you’re interested in?”

He looks away. “Maybe.”

“Well, I only evaluate children, but I can refer you to somevery good diagnosticians who evaluate adults as well. You don’t have to take meup on it if you don’t want to, but from my personal experience, I think it’ssomething worth looking in to.”

Fitz picks at the fabric of his pants. “Yeah, alright.I-I’ll think about it.”

“Our time is about up here, but before you go let me giveyou this—” She hands over a stapled stack of papers. “It’s Caroline’s officialdiagnosis results. You’ll find a full explanation of the results of each test,as well as her scores on the IQ portion of the test. That’s another thing tonote—her test scores vary highly over the different tests. Most people havemore concentrated scores, whereas Caroline scored within a range of 30thpercentile to the 99th. Also included in there is the next steps youcan follow: places to do more research, as well as the possible benefits ofthings like occupational therapy.”

“If we have any questions—” Jemma starts.

“Feel free to email me, and I’ll get back to you as soon asI can.”

Fitz takes the papers as he stands, bending and curling themwithin his grasp.

Jemma shakes Dr. Booth’s hand. “Thank you for your time, Dr.Booth, this has been very helpful.”

“I’m happy to do it. And can I just say, even though she wasa little scared when we started out, it’s obvious that Caroline is a very happykid. I think the two of you have done an excellent job of raising her so far,even without these resources.”

“Thank you,” Jemma says, “that means a lot.” She turns toCaroline, who’s still pressed against the window, looking like she hasn’t beenpaying attention at all. “Caroline, darling, we’re going now.”

Caroline jumps down from the seat, bounding up to Jemma inbouncing steps. She reaches up, and Jemma picks her up with a grunt and settlesher on her hip.

“Can fish be autistic?” Caroline asks, eyes wide, lookingaround the room.

“Oh, I didn’t realize you were listening.” She glances atDr. Booth, smiling. “No, I don’t think they can be. I think it’s special tohumans.”

“Humans are fish,” Caroline says. “Everything’s fish.”

“Well, I don’t think that fish that live in the ocean can beautistic. Just people-fish.”

“What about dolphins? They’re mammals.”

“No,” Jemma laughs. “But they might have their own version.”

Caroline gives a noncommittalhum, then starts playing with Jemma’s hair.

Dr. Booth smiles at them. “Sosmart, that one. I think she takes after her parents.”

“Thank you again,” Jemma says,and then the three of them make their way out of the room.

As they’re walking out to thecar, Jemma watches Fitz, who hasn’t said anything.

“You’ll think about it?” sheasks.

“Yeah,” he replies. “I’ll thinkabout it.”  

-

A month later, Jemma is sittingin their living room looking over some files, as Caroline lays on the floorlooking at a marine biology textbook. She doesn’t know how to read most of thewords (though she recognizes the shape of most of the species names), but shelikes looking at the pictures and diagrams.              

The front door opens and closes,and Jemma looks up nervously.

“Fitz?” she calls.

“Just me,” is the response.

Her body relaxes, and she goes backto looking at the file as he takes off his shoes and hangs up his coat, thoughshe’s not really reading it. After a minute he joins them in the living room,plopping heavily onto the couch. There’s a set of papers clutched in one of hishands.

He’s quiet, and Jemma tries towait for him to speak, but after only a few seconds she can’t help herself.

“Well?” she asks. “What’d theysay?”

He uncurls the papers, and handsthem over. Jemma takes them, reading quickly.

Diagnosis: Autism SpectrumDisorder

She reads it again, then scanslower down on the page. There’s a lot about test results, results of theinterview, a lot of numbers that Jemma hasn’t started to unpack yet. But, thereit is. Plain as day.

“So,” she says.

“Yeah.”

“How are you feeling about it?”

He scoots down on the couch,tilting his head to rest against the back. He blows out a breath, fingerstwisting together on his stomach. “Relieved, I think.”

“Well … that’s good, isn’t it?This is a good thing.”

“It- It explains a lot of things.Things I’ve been confused about. Things that I didn’t necessarily have wordsfor, before. I just … I wish I’d known sooner.”

“Do you think it would’vehelped?”

“Yeah,” he admits softly. “I-SHIELD knew. I called Coulson and asked, it’s been on my file since theAcademy.”

Jemma’s brows furrow. “They knewand never told you?”

He shakes his head, eyes on theceiling. “Wasn’t in the policy to tell, I guess. And Coulson just assumed Iknew already.”

“Well, in any case,” Jemma says, “youknow now, and that’s what’s important. And, can I just say, I’m really proud ofyou for doing this. I know it was scary, but you went through with it anyway,and I think that was really brave. And I think this is going to be a goodthing, getting to learn more about yourself.”

“Yeah.” Fitz finally turns tolook at her. “Yeah, I think this is going to be a good thing, too.”

“And,” Jemma adds, “it’s justanother way that you can relate to our daughter.”

“That’s true,” Fitz says,smiling, and then scoots off the couch to settle on the floor in front ofCaroline. “Did you hear, monkey? Daddy’s autistic, too. We have the same kindof brain.”

“Shovelhead sharks clonethemselves,” Caroline replies, still looking at her book. “So they’d have thesame kind of brain, too.”

“That’s true.” Fitz nods. “Theywould. I didn’t clone myself, though. You can tell because you’re much cuterthan me.”

“She does have the curls,” Jemma points out.

“That she does.” He grins. “Oneof the many wonderful things she gets from me.”

“She gets some things from me,” Jemma quips, as he moves to sit back on thecouch next to her, grabbing up her hand. “Like her love of biology.”

“Ah- Love of animals,” Fitz shootsback, a teasing grin on his face. “Still from me.”

“I like animals.”

“You like dissecting them, Jem,that’s different.”

“Fine. What about her love oftidiness? That definitely comes from me.”

“Well … I do keep my lab verytidy. But she also keeps her room clean, which I do not, so sure, I’ll give youthat one.”

Jemma beams. “Hah. I knew therewas something.”

Fitz smiles, but eventually itdrops. “Do you … Do you think this is gonna change anything?”

Jemma tilts her head, peering athim. “Like what?”

“Dunno,” Fitz mumbles.

“I don’t think it’ll changeanything unless you want them to change.”

“If I do … d’you think that’sbad?”

“No,” Jemma assures him. “How youthink of yourself is going through a change, I don’t think it’s bad if you wantother things to change along with it. If anything, it might change how open youare with certain things about yourself. And how you think those things deserveto be treated.”

“Caroline … She’ll have names forall these things. She’ll understand it. Understand herself, better than I did.”

“Yes, she will.”

“And- And I’m glad we know, now.So we can give her the best life she can have.”

Jemma raises their conjoinedhands to press a kiss to the back of his. “You’re already a great dad, Fitz. You’realready giving her an amazing life. But yes, this will make things easier, nowthat we know.”

Fitz ducks his head, smiling, andthen turns to Caroline. “Hey, monkey, do you want to watch Finding Nemo? Youcan tell us all the species names when they come on screen.”

Caroline immediately jumps up,her hands flapping at her sides. “Yes, yes, yes!”

Fitz gets up to put in the DVD,and on his way back scoops Caroline off the floor and plops her onto his lap ashe settles back onto the couch. She presses back against him, picking up hishand so she can play with his fingers as she watches. Jemma leans against hisside, resting one hand on his leg.

“Amphiprion ocellaris,”Caroline says as the movie starts.

Fitz presses a kiss againsther hair. “Good job, monkey. Good job.”

#aosficnet #buskidsnet #lmao this is .... educational like i said #i hope it's not too boring #just wanted to really be able to explain some key things so that fitz has a base to go off of #also!! the kid is named after caroline herschel btw #because you know they would #and her special interest is ocean life because i'm mean and like irony :) :) #anyway enjoy! #leo fitz #jemma simmons #aos #fitzsimmons #unlessimwrongwhichyouknowimnot