#its about the body dysphoria

[megafawna-permhiatus]

im just like if a dude was kind of also a chick.

#.talk #i dont mind the whole “man trapped in a woman's body” thing for myself but i dont really see it negatively necessarily. not that i dont hav #dysphoria. but i dont find myself having a lot of dysphoria about like. my curves or typically feminine features. its other thinfs. and a #lot of it just has to do with societal standards of maleness. i like being known as male and being called by traditionally male terms. and #find myself unhappy when people regard me as female. but i've been trying to just see my body as my body lately. im trying to keep my #happiness in check! and tbh i like my body. even if most would see it as female i see it as male becaue. well. im male. and it's my body.

[cult-of-the-eye]

how do we feel about flesh avatar martin k blackwood, who is both the epitome and direct refusal of dysphoria and body image issues?

#its all i'm thinking about right now #tma #the magnus archives #martin k blackwood #martin blackwood #dysphoria #trans martin blackwood #body image issues #the flesh #jared hopworth

[the-yearning-astronaut]

I wish I could be agender the way Murderbot is agender. Right down to the lack of biological sexual characteristics. So agender that the term agender comes with too much associated gender to accurately apply. You know what I mean?

#help the dysphoria is kicking my ass again today and everything about me looks and feels wrong #demigirl still feels like it is applicable but also i wish i was more masculine but NOT in that way only THIS way #am i uncomfortable with my curves because of internalized fatphobia? because of the association with being feminine? both? #is it my actual curves themselves or is it the very reality of having a physical body that will be gendered some way no matter what i do? #i hate it I hate all of it #Murderbot #agender #gender #gender dysphoria #body dysphoria #dysphoria #fox thoughts #'maybe if i dress more masculine that will help' #nope no thats still leaning into gender #how do i do both at once so that they cancel each other out? #i don't want to be masculine but i don't want to be female lite™ either #I don't want to be perceived as having any gender at all and its not fucking possible #fuck i don't even want to deal with pronouns 80% of the time and i don't care for my name either #why does physically existing suck so bad sometimes #☉

[cryptidfuckery]

Actually my favorite thing about being a queer hairdresser and having been queer for like over a decade is that I've gotten to have so many convos with so many different people with different journeys through queerness and getting to be a conduit to share them

Notably today I was talking with a client about their hesitation to go on t, and one of their main worries is about being able to have children later on. And I got to tell them about another client I have, a 40-some-odd trans nonbinary person who, within their t4t relationship, was the one to bear children years after having been on t. I got to explain what that could look like, but their best bet is that if they ever do decide to pursue it, it's something they should bring up with their doctor/endocrinologist or seek our trans forums etc

And the joy I get from it is from getting someone to realize that it isn't some stupid set in stone trajectory, the whole process is supposed to be about what you, you specifically, need from your body. No one else!

#i love!! imparting trans joy on people #is something i stress so much when i get a freshly cracked egg in my chair bc they always are so nervous #and usually p deep in their dysphoria #and i get to remind them that the whole process isn't about feeling awful about yourself and hearing yourself. it's about getting in tune #with who you really are #and what you want out of life #and its about finding real true joy in yourself and finding love in yourself and learning how to use it on yourself #its about community and love and life and i love being trans a lot!! #the world is your very own choose your own adventure and that includes your body

[omgcatboi]

I just learned you can report anons, so guess what just happened to the anon being intentionally transphobic to me? ( they got reported )

I don't ever post about any negativity sent my way because I always just block and go about my day, but this time, I noticed that you can infact report anons now.

So I'm just spreading awareness so all my followers know that you can, infact, possibly get someones account shadowbanned for them sending enough anon hate that gets reported.

I understand being degraded, insulted, and humiliatiled are all kinks I have and thoroughly enjoy but you need to ask someone in dms or anon if it's ok to call them certain things before you do so. I reported the anon because I don't want these behaviors being normalized against other fat trans folk despite me personally not being bothered by these insults.

#fatty talks #out of kink #also im two spirit so calling me a woman does not have the effect on me that unthink it does. #and no being trans does not make you two spirit nor is that why I claim it #i am native cajun mixed and have been through a very personal experience exclusieve to my ( and other tribes ) culture #you cannot be two spirit if you do not have blood connection deep enough to be intertwined with your ancestors. #i dont like talking about my culture much because people like to wear very sacred experiences as fun little tittles #and also theres so much stigma towards mixed natives like me because of all the white people with like #0.1% native claiming its ok for them to wear a headress #only mentioning im two spirit so the anon can realize how absolutely stupid and flawed their attempt to trigger my dysphoria was. #i am comfortable in my body thanks to T and also being really fat lol

[dennisboobs]

i think everyone on sunnytwt needs to be sat down so i can explain to them what basic human empathy is. and then maybe i put them in a blender until they agree to write meta about the characters instead of whether or not charlie day got facial reconstruction surgery.

#ada speaks #u do not exist in a vacuum and your words have the capability to harm others #celebrities may not see your tweets but your balding transmasc mutual and your follower who feels self conscious about her nose will #it is fucking bizarre the way these people conduct themselves online #really. really fucking weird man #and then you see them acting like ppl are 'defending rich white men' #instead of taking issue with the actual shit theyre saying #whether or not you think rcg has been 'under the knife' or not #a) how is this any of your business. you are not entitled to this info nor do you have a free pass to criticize someone's personal choice #b) ask yourself why you feel you need to critique alleged surgeries and how they stack up to imposed conventional beauty standards #c) you do not *own* them. you can have opinions on your own attraction to them but #a person getting plastic surgery or hair plugs or whatever is up to them. not you. if it helps to make them feel better then who cares. #just because it doesn't make them attractive to YOU doesn't mean its okay to point and laugh #if a trans guy got top surgery and it was 'botched' would you act like they were stupid for getting it in the first place? #if a trans woman decided she wanted to surgically shave her jaw would you shame her for that? #it's their body. it's not yours. #for the record i don't believe any of them have gotten work done but think its a stupid thing to speculate on regardless #ive watched family members go through plastic surgeries of varying success. ive seen them get botox and hair plugs and everything #normal everyday people do it and it's not always about vanity #it can be for gender reaffirming reasons (and yes this includes when cis people do it) to alleviate dysphoria #trying to point out alleged surgical alterations made is just. gross #not to mention that holy shit MOST of the shit ppl are saying is like. age. different hairstyles. different facial expressions. #maybe if these people actually watched the show theyd be able to see the gang in action instead of staring at pics like spot the difference

[uncanny-tranny]

I think abandoning diet culture and favouring the function of my body versus the ~aesthetic~ of my body has really opened my eyes and given me a new chance to be one with myself.

It is hard to get through this, but I honestly think it's worth the investment it takes to unlearn the idea that your body must serve others and must be out of the way, and must only take up so much space to be valued and for you to be loved.

#anti diet culture #celebrating what my body can do in the here and now has only taught me good things about myself #it's taught me how strong my body is and how i can push it further on my own time #like it can be really hard because the double whammy of dysphoria and body shaming of men but. fuck it i ball. i will continue to ball #haters mad i can ball and cry at the same time (joking) #also like... it will be a personal journey for everybody and there isn't the ~final stage~ where you'll pnly be happy with yourself... #...i don't think that's reasonable or fair to expect that from yourself... #...the important part of unlearning diet culture is that no matter what your body can/can't do and no matter how it appears... #...no matter all of that you're still worthy of love and respect and nourishment and happiness #you don't have to adore your body to recognize its worth *and* your worth #you could hate your body and still recognize that you deserve all those things #and lord knows sometimes we do hate our bodies and that is morally neutral at *worst* #i just hope that you all are able to internalize your inherent worth <3 #and i wanted to post about this because i think this conversation is important and unlearning these expectations is also important

[m-kyunie]

elegance.

#dgm #D.Gray-Man #Alma Karma #cw blood #my head is filled w thoughts of Alma as a bride in a huge kitsch 80s dress #okay maybe not 80s more 60s/70s. thinking of my moms dress actually so #lots of lace long gloves puffy sleeves swooping neckline muah smtg guady #UGH or Princess Diana's oh exactly like that #just think about how past!Alma wldve thought abt potentially getting married and starting a family 'after the war' #Her covering Her face as an Akuma saying 'don't look at me' lives in my head forever. her excorcist uni #is quite tradtional and seems unpractical for battle but its def feminine to the MAX #so just. idk how to explain it but the body dysphoria i guess #Alma wanting tofit that echo of pretty but being all wrong for it. hair too dark to unruly adams apple sharp angular broad all wrong #wanting to be soft and slim and pretty pretty pretty.hiding it under layers of clothes and lace and accessories... #or being basicly the same height as Kanda and lamenting over it like nonono this is all wrong #tearing at their hair and picking the skin and scratching and ripping the dress and breathing awful #'not pretty not a woman will never be Her for //Him// never be enough' mentality #evevn tho Kanda literally does not fucking care about any of that like it doesnt even cross his mind hello hes trans duh they all r #idk i interpret them both as slightly diff like Alma seems much more in-tune w Her on an unconscious level its very emotional = turmulious/ #VS Kanda who is very mentally inflicted its very physical and obsessive/conious thought near impossible to ignore ie the lotus n Her vision #so they act diff bc the influence of their Other is different. idk what im trying to say anymore actually. lmk if that makes sense T-T #ALL THAT JUST TO SAY I WANTED TO DRAW ALMA IN A WEDDING DRESS LMFAO IM SORRY IM CRAZY

[boxwinebaddie]

hey unkle neen! ik it was just their name frm the show, but your fix have so much meaning in them, i was wondering if there was a reason that the name crimson dawn was chosen? ^^

AAAAAAAA!!!! okay, i will answer your ( very iconique ) question in a second, but before i do i just want to say that the way you set it up and lightly interlaced ur ask with letting me know that you notice and appreciate me taking small concepts from the show and giving them larger meaning/context within my fanfictions was so sweet n really, Really means A LOT to me!!!! like i am cheesing so hard rn!!! :') <3

i.g. plots coming full circle, extended metaphors, mirroring, flashbacks and flashforwards...i really like being thorough, going into microscopically specific detail abt everything...but more than that:

i want the Nice things i write...

to Mean stuff to my readers.

& for the stuff i write to mean something, it can't mean nothing.

this is specifically true in the area of names, which seems kind of insane, but even like something as minute as stan's maternal grandfather's name being joaquin and shortened to 'walk' by william phillips, stan's abuelos secret sbf lover in ww2, and stan's middle-name-sake who walk called run, is important because will-phil's war-torn, heirloom leather jacket which was given to stan's gpa seconds before run did what all white men should do ( go die in a war ) had now become Stan's Signature Leather Jacket, which was a huge ( like literally its gigantic ) part of his identity as a young transman but in a meptahorical sense, that red string of fate that tipsy!gpa!walk hand embroidered into the tag of his lover's jacket which stan wore with pride ( also literally ) is a physical testament to two men's true blue love for each other, represents revolution/rebirth & also says R-U-N.

...which is Exactly what stan does.

also i could talk for literal days about stan's chosen name being stan or even just stan's stage name being raven and all the variations of that and cuervo specifically from chapter four ( i was so fucking excited when we got to that chapter i was like ;)) It's GO Time, Boys! )

but that could fit in an entire other ask meme and i am trying not to let my oddly intense and sudden influx/rush of random RM Rockstar Ravenstan hyperfixation burn everything down around me like...

~The You Know What.~

which! was what i was trying 2 get at when talkin abt names and stuff because while in a deeper, under the surface sense, crimson dawn represents what the sky looked like the day stan died -- blood red.

it was a Crimson Dawn when all hell broke lose that day.

( which i can't talk about in too much detail juust yet... )

***[ tw for blood, fluids and general gender dysphoria ]

but what i can do is tell you why the name crimson dawn was chosen, which, is ironic ( emphasis iron ) bc has that ~sharp, smarmy, sultry, smoldery, shadowy, Superstar smokeshow~ energy to it and sounds like it's stands for something all deep and dark and brooding...

but rlly is just from an inside joke about the first song stan ever wrote

Blood Moon™

which he wrote on his period. ;)

hsdlkahlksahd ( i luv u soooo much, ravenstan )

so tldr they won their lil battle of the bands competition/got scouted for bm but OG CD did not have a name/whatever name they had was one of the 74093279423 ones they were trying out, so management needed one and they took stan and co.'s crude out of context inside joke abt it always being darkest before crimson dawn aka PMS as...

Cool, Dark, Edgy!

AND LITERALLY MADE IT THEIR BAND NAME!!!!! WHEN I TELL YOU THEY WERE ALL LIKE YOU DID NOT JUST NAME US AFTER OUR INSANE INSIDE JOKE ABT OUR TRANS ROOMATE WHO NOT ONLY IS NOT OUT ( DW! THEY HARD SHOVED HIM BACK INTO THE CLOSET! SO KIND OF THEM! ) BUT UR GONNA MAKE HIM DANCE AND PUT HIM IN THE ROCKSTAR VERSION OF A STRAIGHT JACKET AKA THE TINY SLUTTY VEGAN LEATHER STRAPPY PANTS??? OUR WEIRD LITTLE GUY??? ARE U KIDDING??

they...were *jersey kyle vc* Naught Kidden, btw.

and stan really did...have to learn how to dance.

...Absolutely Criminal.

but even more so, from that day forward, nevermore were our warped tour four fave broke boy shitiots bound by together by their shared rent/utilities & the butterfly tramp stamp lower back tattoo of friendship/brotherhood, because our zeroes had become heroes, now legally bound by a crooked contract that turned their dinky little no-name garage band and into chart topping punk rock super band

Crimson Dawn™

where blood moon was number one and trending for like...Weeks.

which meant they had to do interviews and stuff where stan was not very good at being raven yet ( obviously ) and drank a lot to cope, so when like, idk, fucking some big fancy talk show or whatever asked stan what blood moon was about, he was like...leans in...dead serious:

"OKAY, so you know...when you're on your Period, man? and not a light day either. i'm talking suuper heavy flow, dude. but you totally forgot your cycle was starting, so your favorite pair of sweatpants are stained like five seconds after you spent like fifteen whole quarters washing them? but its whatever. its late o-clock and no ones gonna see your fucked up chonies, bro. s'anyways, you're walking to the store because you ran out of pads and pain medication and FUCKS and like your stomach feels like you're being stabbed to death but you're still hungry? like, bro everything just sucks and on top of that, the grocery store just sold out of those dank ben & jerrys ice creams with the brownie in the center, or like, brooo, only has the those tiny whack containers that cost seven dollars?! oh, in the worst flavors too! like fuckin' cherry garcia or eugh, that awful Mint one that tastes like toothpaste if it were made out of miErDA and the full moon is out and you just want to start ripping off your clothes and tearing off your face and start fkn screaming at the top of your lungs? Yeah :). That."

aND ITS DEAD SILENT FOR A SECOND BUT THEN EVERYONE STARTS DYING LAUGHING AND IS LIKE WOW A SINGER AND A STAND UP COMEDIAN!!! LOOK AT THAT FOLKS! APOLOGIES TO OUR YOUNGER VIEWERS FOR LANGUAGE, WE'LL EDIT THAT OUT AFTER THIS, BUT LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, ONE THING YOU CAN'T CENSOR OUR FAV SUPER STARS BLOOD MOON RISING!

( which, blood moon and blood moon rising was also stan parodying the creedence clearwater revival song Bad Moon Rising about big cryptic apocalyptic feelings does Also play into this whole thing... )

anyways, management got REALLY MAD at stan about that but everyone thought it was a joke so it was Fine. but yeah their biggest single and their band is built on being on your period and being unhinged and wanting to smash shit and fight the government. <3

-uncle nina...who thinks waaaay Too Much about her weird lore

#sorry tw blood and gender dysphoria and body fluids and stuff like that ik thats kind of a weird hc but it was Important to me #transman stan u will always be famous #literally #like he is a disaster but he is the peoples punk rock prince #hes also so pretty and his voice is so pretty #everyone is hypnotized #speaking of stan on his period NOT THE TABLOIDS CATCHING HIM COMING OUT OF LIKE TARGET W PADS AND HIS GD ICE CREAM #and being like!!!! Lead Singer Raven of Crimson Dawn Buys Heartfelt Gift For Secret Romance. Whos The Lucky Lady? #AND HIM AND KENNY AND JIMMY ARE LIKE THIS CANNOT BE REAL LIKE DSKHDLKHDLDS LIKE THEY ARE JUST BUSTING UP LAUGHING HELP #but anyways yeah i'm sorry this is so insane i could talk about rm and pep and crazy weird symbolism i wrote in #for so so so soooo long #i have mental problems #i love ravenstan so much like he is my BABY!!! i love him like he just wanted to be a rockstar n write his music and have fun #and he is not having very much fun im afriad #and doesnt get to write his music either #that little stan monologue was so funny to me hes so cute my man said no one cares abt ur chonies bitch!! pull ur pants up!!! #legend and icon raven of crimson dawn everyone #whenever the tabloids misconstrue one of ravens transboy thangs as him just being a womanzing ladies man its so funny to all of cd #because like Whos Man Is That? not ours watching attack on titan on the couch trying to open a bottle of wine w a power drill

[gurorori]

i don't know, people can be trans in whatever way they wish and feel comfortable with, i just wish the people on the lower end of Actually Putting Work and Visible Effort Into It and Actually Experiencing Transphobia/Transmisogyny didn't feel like they automatically get a free pass to claim the same things we go through. if you do not share the experience of the vast majority of trans people, maybe you do not get to talk about it, or reclaim any part of it 😐

#and i am not just talking about any kind of transition or hormones. just you know #for most trans people it just doesn't end on making a tiktok about being a fem afab nb and putting she/they in yr bio. you're free to do all #that but don't insert yourself into places you just really don't belong in? #i will never invalidate other trans people and i never have simply based on dysphoria or their stance on transition and i get that for nb #ppl it can be a little trickier on what steps they wanna take #however i don't think it's a crazy take that trans people who largely don't Plan to transition in any meaningful noticeable way or/and #experience any sort of dysphoria or discomfort or incongruence with their assigned gender and body are... the LAST demographic that should #represent the trans community as a whole or have a say in things that people whom all those things actually concern #cuz they're not passing bills to ban your pronouns. they're not outlawing fem afab nb bodies. they're illegalising transition on every step #of its way and they're calling US mutilated monsters and gr**mers #i genuinely don't want to come off wrong in here. i have never been transmed/truscum or anything of the sort in fact i was there in their #prime and i hated it! i just think this is a no-brainer. your experience is uh. fine. it just doesn't align with uh... most trans people to #whom these things are a matter of life or death actually so please sit down...

[thatdude-noah]

sometimes i think about the anti-sjw culture that was so prevalent on the internet, and the transmed community that shaped so many young people. and i think about how sad it is. sometimes i find myself still having to unlearn things from those formative years. i had to learn how to be kind to myself and gave myself grace in my identity and in my life. so much hate was pushed on such a large portion of the young trans community and i think it's really sad. and i hope other people are also able to heal from it.

#having a moment about. binding. #and how i can't use a binder because of my medical issues. #so i've started taping again but right now im so painfully aware of the tape and my chest and how i look and its. awful. #but then i remember that i can be kind to myself. its allowed. im allowed to look the way i do. #i still have dysphoria and i still don't like my body all the time. but i don't have to hate myself for nothing of 'passing.' #noah stop posting late at night. noah go to sleep.

[babsaros]

can i tell u guys a secret? more and more often i stare at the mirror holding my chest flat

#it just makes so much more sense #its weird #i’m not like. dysphoric necessarily #like it is a different kind of uncomfortable #i don’t mind hanging out at home with my shirt off #but i highly highly prefer wearing a binder in public #idk like so much of dysphoria is about the way other ppl perceive your body #and not necessarily how you feel about it? does that make sense? #but idk my chest just makes more sense flat #it does feel like i was made incorrectly

[dani-luminae]

Maybe slight spoilers, maybe not, I don't know yet, but I had a thought

LFTS Ben pulling the beard and fangs look (from D3) again just to see what Lia thinks of it/play with her.

Unexpectedly, Lia finds it very attractive. (She likes a scruffy, fierce Ben. Heck, she loves Ben any way that he is. Ben, still getting used to testing the boundaries of his comfort zone especially with anything related to the curse, is a little baffled and very affectionate.)

#thinking she gets particularly excited about the fangs #'you have sharp teeth like me! we match we match!!!!!' #its not easy to explain a sense of body dysphoria to a shapeshifter like lia who delights in pretty much any form #(she does get it tho don't worry she would never disrespect him)

[dashiellqvverty]

another thing about "autistic girls being bamboozled into transitioning" is like are we not famously resistant to change???? like speaking for myself at least i have known i am transmasc for like 8 or 9 years now and while there have been other barriers to accessing HRT it has always been something i'm very unsure and hesitant about, largely because i am so terrified of permanent change!!!! like idk it comes from ableism as well as transphobia bc you have to think autistic ppl are stupid and cant think for themselves to think like this but its like. many autistic people are going to be some of the most likely to be EXTRA hesitant and wait and think and plan and stuff before medically transitioning

#not that EVERYONE doesnt put a lot of thought into it bc everyone realizes its a massive decision ofc #but like the people who are FAMOUSLY BAD WITH CHANGE arent just taking hrt on a whim #idk i think about this a lot bc there ARE reasons i dont want to go on T like its not what i want for myself idk #i was gonna say for my presentation but thats not true it IS what i want for my presentation. to an extent. #like i want to look like a boy on the outside so i can dress fem and look like a boy!!!!! #but i DONT want my voice to change for example #like even though i wouldnt mind being perceived OUTWARDLY with a deeper voice #i dont want my voice to CHANGE idk #and i am working on recognizing that a lot of this just straight up is about fear! and if that stops me from doing it then okay #i think if i ID'd more As A Man then T would be more important to me #but i dont have a lot of dysphoria around my body in that way idk how to explain it #its entirely about how im seen by others now how i physically exist in the world as Myself #and i dont want to do something that is such a huge change and scary to me. if its primarily for the benefit of others #maybe it would make me happier idk! i do want surgeries. top surgery or a reduction. and a hysterectomy. #which is also scary but i still feel like i want to do it more than T lmao #ANYWAY #r.txt

[craycraybluejay]

I need a few million dollars and therapies and surgeries you've never even heard of and at least 2 college degrees and a magical ptsd-away (give me electroshock therapy PLEASE I don't want to remember any of it) and the motivation to do literally anything other than offing myself or getting high or on an insanely good day actually managing to write something

#im so burnt out #i have been since i was like 12 bruh #i cant keep living like this #something has got to give #i also need to be cis and have people that love me no matter what but neither of those are ever happening #electroshock #tw sui ideation #multi substance use #substance use #vent #i want to slam my head into the wall repeatedly #trans suicide statistics blah blah #have you ever thought about what its actually like to live in a world where people want to exterminate you for existing #and on top of that it costs insane money to feel half okay #and on top of that every other problem affected by it and each other #try living with debilitating chronic pain and extreme dysphoria in a society that hopes you die for both #and then we'll talk #'love your body' says the person who never had to fight their own body to just go out and have an interesting day #'why is it such a big deal to you' how would you feel if your body didnt feel like your own and people in your life chose to reinforce that #if people were like you cant decide stuff as a kid bc ur too fkn retarded and not a human person #and then u cant decide stuff as an adult bc ur too mentally ill and weird and not a human person #and also cant afford it so either way #they can do what they want to ur body without repercussions. but you? you cant do shit. #you have to justify a tiny little piercing or even a change in hair colour to jill jack and jane #do you not want to wring someones throat when they act like your body and life belongs to them #bite maim kill #big red button that says rapture all humanity and remake society as you choose press press press #if i dont deserve the choice and control of my own body if i deserve to have my life stolen from me well then so does everyone else #i believe in equality you see #also that would mean i could build a world where medicine wasnt hell and people were treated like people no matter what