#it's like.

[inkskinned]

there's a video on instagram of a man kicking his partner's door in. the top comment is (with over 4 thousand likes): "how about you tell us what you did to make him that angry?"

barring emergency, nobody should be kicking anybody's door in. many of us lived in houses where it was always, somehow, an emergency. there is a strange, almost hysterical calm that comes over you in that moment - everything feels muted, and you almost feel, however incongruently, like you should be laughing. you are living inside of "the emergency." oh my god, you think. i am now a fucking statistic.

there is another comment with 2.8 thousand likes: "if this was a woman doing it to a man, nobody would give a shit."

do people give a shit now, though?

barring emergency, the door should remain standing. the emergency should be panicked, desperate - "i'm coming in there to protect you." many of us know what it feels like when the emergency is instead "i'm coming in there to get you."

1.5k likes: "and yet you post this for notes. glad to see being the victim has become your whole personality."

hysteria is a word connected to womb, from greek. what you're experiencing is so senseless and inhumane that you (a rational creature) try to find any ground within what is irrational and cannot be explained. one of the most frustrating things about staying in bad situations is that we also lie to ourselves. we also ask ourselves - wow. what did i do?

women can be, and often are, also abusers. abuse is not gendered. abuse is not just a "straight person" problem. abuse does not have a face or figure or sexuality. you cannot pick an abuser out of a crowd. an abuser could be actually anybody.

and then so many people rally behind the man kicking the door in. here is something nobody should be doing, right? you want to ask every person that liked that first comment: do you ask this because you side with him? do you ask this because it helps you feel safe from this ever happening?

in some ways, you're weirdly sympathetic to the top comment, because it is the same logic you see frequently. the idea is that the average, normal, sane person doesn't just break down a door. doesn't just shoot up a school. doesn't stalk and kill women. doesn't threaten sexual assault. doesn't run over protesters. doesn't shoot an unarmed black person. doesn't scream at underpaid walmart employees. doesn't just "lose it". something had to have happened, right? because the default (white. straight. cis.) - that is someone who is always, you know. "sane."

(right?)

on a podcast, you hear a sane, normal, rational person. "if you piss me off, i'm going to need to hit something. sorry but i'm not apologizing. that's just who i am that's how it is." his voice almost sounds like he's laughing.

you think of the door, and how you were almost laughing behind it, too. ironically, every real emergency in your life has almost felt peaceful in comparison. fire, car accident, flash flooding - these felt quiet, covenant to you. you'd stood in all of them, feeling them pass over and up to your chin, never actually overwhelming.

but when the door was coming down, you had felt - is there a word for that? there has to be, a word, right.

surely one of us has figured out the word for that, i mean. it's such a large fucking statistic.

#spilled ink #writeblr #warm up #this is so disorganized #i just saw that video and the comments made me want to vomit #it's actually like. in the way it's funny that you got into a car crash and got the flu within the same 24 hours #it's like. #it's funny #because certain people will blame everything on mental illness #even being transgender. #they will not #however #at any point - even vaguely suggest that a man should maybe get therapy. #like. a guy busting down a door isn't a danger-to-himself-and-others #(you just pushed him too far). #but a young adult looking for top surgery should be institutionalized for even wanting to change their body.

[izartn]

Btw the 12 hours limit on Cheng Xiaoshi power always gave me a feeling of "if you stay past the 12 hour limit you'll be trapped in the past" from the panic it caused in both CXS and LG whenever he neared the limit.

Just the vibe I get from it. It's not just Lu Guang being unable to see beyond the 12 hours, it's that the link would break and Cheng Xiaoshi would maybe (as far as he and we know) (Lu Guang does know for sure, I bet that's how he stayed on the past/our timeline) get forever lost in another body in another time which is, in all honestly, horror fuel and nightmare inducing.

#link click #my thoughts #meta #link click meta #cheng xiaoshi #lu guang #like its so intuitive for me #I don't understand people who are like “oh how did LG stay beyond the 12 hour limit” #it's like. #why do you think the 12 hour limit is so serious #it's so you dont disappear on the past dummy #as that was exactly what lu guang wanted good for him

[horrorshow]

"when did destiel sex happen for the first time?" i love that i'm living so far in my own obscure deluded doomed by the narrative canon-compliant version of surprisingly wholesome but tragic destiel that the only right answer isn't even an option on polls: stanford era.

#deancas #it's like. #you're in a car with an ugly old angel and he looks at you like he has loved and known you for years but you just met #and he wont tell you that he's hiding something from you but he's hiding something from you #and he reaches over and you let him hit bc you're lonely and he's saying all the things you wish your father told you #like he discovered a belief in a future where you'll have eye crinkles and your brother at your side and a home with your own bedroom #and you feel your heart taking root in your body until one day you wake up with a headache and no memory of him or the past 2 months at ALL #and you never have time to wonder about it bc its october 2005 and you have 327 episodes of horrors ahead of you #and they all happen exactly like they do on screen. destiel was real but it was also dead before the story even started #(other than that they only had sex in purgatory which dean came to regret bc it made him realize he's not into cas like that #and he had only invited him to his benny fuckfest bc they're friends and it seemed rude not to) #and dean never ever learns that they once were lovers. and for cas there's nothing to remember bc it hasnt happened to him yet #its beautiful. to me. #also slightly embarrassing for me as a person but nevermind that

[buckttommy]

I think a perfect example of not consuming media in good faith is people using the handful of incidents in 911 S2 as an example of "queerbaiting." Because, like. It comes from this (wrong) idea that things exist in a vacuum. Fandom exists in a vacuum, creation exists in a vacuum, therefore these two cannot comingle under any circumstances and either party is unaware of the other. But that's not true. Even in the "golden age" of fandom where that firewall existed between fan/creator that wasn't entirely true.

So then it's like, if both parties are aware of the others' existences, why can't the creators of this show make little nods to the fandom? Why must there either be malicious intent ascribed to the action OR no action at all? Why can't there be a middle ground?

Additionally, like, the little buddie-related "jokes" stopped. Post Season 2, Buck and Eddie (and Christopher)'s dynamic is treated with the utmost respect. And if the goal of queerbaiting is to continuously entice an audience, dropping a marketing technique just as it's starting to work is ... well, let's be honest, it's stupid and illogical; therefore, the presupposition that that is what took place/is taking place is also illogical and stupid.

So. I don't know. Nothing prompted this. There's no fandom discourse, and I'm certainly not trying to start any, but I've been watching Season 2 a lot lately and I think people's failure to engage in the show absent of any malicious or entitled intent is the death of unsterilized and genuine artist/audience engagement, and that is a modern tragedy. But anyways

#It's like. #Why write fic? We write fic to share. #Why is creating a TV show not the same? #We - we as human beings - create to SHARE. We create so people can see us and connect with us #even for a moment. #And failure to recognize that - failure to treat that as the natural artist/audience transaction that it is - is to spit upon #the artist and their intent #BUT ANYWAYS

[dogin8]

i love how prophetic out-of-context spoilers feel. like I'm watching a show where the only thing I've ever head about it is that I'm going to meet somebody called John, and he is going to die. Like do you see what I mean?? I don't even know who John is, I just know he's going to die.

I reach a certain episode, a character is introduced, his name is John. "Oh" I say to myself, and then I spend the next season getting close to him, maybe sometimes even forgetting what I know will happen to him.

#it's like. #idk!! prophecy rules does this make sense #like you get information but it's so vague and not yet important #and then when it becomes important there's nothing you can do about it but have it effect your feelings

[citizen-of-the-fandom]

boy. this new year's has felt especially liminal. I passed midnight while sleeping in a hotel, because we spent the evening walking around a city 4 states away from my home and we were tired, and I am processing all the jan 1st 'new year, new me' Thoughts in an airport right now while I wait to get home.

I have work tomorrow. I need to make a doctor's appointment to get on an anti-nausea medicine that works for me. I haven't brushed my teeth in days. I've never gotten past a first draft and I've spent 18 years writing stories in the world I dreamed up when I was 12. I need to start cooking. I enjoyed this vacation and want to go on more trips this year but that requires Time Off and Money. I haven't played on our minecraft server in months.

but I can't plan any of that yet. it's foggy outside the airport windows (actually that may be smog) and the lady on the loudspeaker is talking about places and people I have never seen. the sun just hit my phone but it still takes me a minute to figure out where north is. I don't know this place and I don't know what direction anything is in. I don't even remember which direction we flew in from.

none of this feels real yet.

what year is it again?

#new year #thinkin some thoughts #as one does on this day #it's like. #like i've put off all those tasks til tomorrow #for years #and i think im realizing tomorrow will simultaneously never get here and is here now #may as well start right? #better to have done than done nothing #airports are liminal spaces

[hymnoire]

The amount of time I spent revamping my muses pins is neurotic.

#@ 𝐋𝐘𝐍𝐍𝐈𝐄 𝐒𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊𝐒 / yadiyada. #IT'S LIKE. #I got obsessed spent hours and for WHAT #I'm gonna do this thing where I post photoset of muses together using pictures I stored there #Also add me on pinterest if our muses got things together xoxo

[fallenrain40]

idk if this is true or not, but sometimes i feel like people only say they like dovewing to get brownie points in the fandom and if the fandom still was in that "dovewing is the worst cat" phase from a few years ago, those same ppl defending dove would be hating on her. I love dovewing and I think it would make more sense if everyone really did just like her, but that's just... not how it was a few years ago

#it's like. #where were yall at a several years ago when 11' y old me was feeling mildly sick over the horrible things being said about Dovewing? #dovewing #dovewing wc #warrior cats #i mean she is an amazing character and personally i think it would make more sense for everyone to love her- but- #thats just not how it was before

[klapollo]

we dont know each other but im sorry people are stupid and acting brainwashed in your replies, i hope your month gets better and i hope you can find reassurance in the fact that you're right :(

thank you <3 i honestly dont care about being right bc these are such big ideologically dense topics that no matter how much i know i'm always gonna be able to learn something from someone else but i'm not like. getting good faith arguments here i'm getting people repeatedly reading the post in the most patently incorrect ways possible and trying to condemn me over it and i dont even know how to deal with that lol

#it's like. #i cant argue with you when you are just lying about what im saying

[bestbonnist]

#fumetsu no anata e #fnae spoilers #fnae anime #previous era #uralis arc #kahaku #original post #it's like. #i know why he's doing this i know it's a desperate attempt to reaffirm his straightness and his masculinity. but my god is it still #repulsive and sexist and possibly even transphobic.

[neversetyoufree]

I've been using my down time at work to do a lot of reading lately, and a big part of that has been making my way through the works that VnC references, just for the fun of it.

I was going to start The Song of Roland a few days ago, but when I first looked at it, I just did not have the patience to deal with the sheer ~righteousness~ and pomp of a story about a bunch of eleventh century catholic knights.

HOWEVER, after making my way through a solid 80 pages of de Sade, I have to admit, those righteous catholic knights ended up looking pretty god damn appealing.

#had to switch from de sade to Roland solely for the sake of a fucking palette cleanser. bc. JEEZ #protip for anyone who thinks it's a good idea to read a de Sade novel between customers at their place of business: #don't! #or at the very least don't read fucking 120 days lmao #it's like. #I knew going in I was gonna have to bail out of reading it at work at some point once shit went full de Sade #but I figured (falsely) I could get through the introduction before that point #I also knew about and was braced for there being a lot of horrific assault #But I still wasn't expecting it to *start* with such an immediately insane level of brutality #and even more than that. I was not prepared for the sheer amount of literal FILTH and uncleanliness #anyway. if you ever want to read an 18th century frenchman describe several different people's permanently gaping unwashed asses #and the mass abduction and assault of dozens and dozens of teens and children #all within the first 60 pages of a novel #read de Sade #in other news the song of roland is pretty entertaining #about andie

[pige0ns]

god he’s so happy during this whole scene. it’s literally all he wants isn’t it, for kim to be this happy all the time. 

#better call saul #it's like. #no wonder he does what he does. #:( #truly one of the top romantic things abt mcwexler #is just the fact that they are so so happy about the other person's happiness #it's so basic but so you rarely see it depicted #in romance #but in bcs it's literally a core part of their dynamic

[yuri-goth]

Nothing brings me more joy than tiny adjustment to my apartment that just slowly, surely, make it feel more and more like my home.

Reorganized my kitchen. Moved all my spices into matching jars. Moved my bed a little and switched which side of it is the power strip. Moved my bedside lamp a bit. Organized the cables a little more. Got a new doormat. New piece of art for the wall. A little trinket for the shelf.

#it brings me. so much joy. #especially after years of living in BAD conditions #it's like. #wow. I CAN buy a good rice cooker #and cute little jars #and art prints #and trans flags

[marsreds]

so! my first final thoughts on the mockingjay were like. well. that's poorly worded. but on second thought? it weeds out the weak.

#it's like. #so much of katniss's relationship with parenthood and children is about loss #she loses everyone she decides to protect #rue #prim #D12 #so much of mockingjay is her drowning in self loathing bc she's tallying up all the people she considers she killed #nothing she considered hers actually survives #so of course she's terrified of having kids #of course she'll frame it as peeta's idea #peeta's insistence #as if she ever actually let peeta's wants get in the way of what she believes best for the both of them #it's actually the fact that she believes in peeta more than anyone or anything #real or not real #that's the point #thg #the hunger games #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #everlark

[hrtley]

tempted 2 shave My hair off. hmmm

#it's like. #i don't. MIND my hair #it's nice n all but it's such a pain in the ass!!!!!! #i just want short fuzzy hair not whatever the fuck is happening currently!!!!! #like i won't lie the hair on my head is one of my biggest sensory issues #the way it gets on my face and rubs my neck is so AUGHH die #my text #personal

[june-again]

i know i kinda confessed a few times but i wanna do it again. im still like. no u don't realize. u are Important

#june shines #my juneish heart #it's like. #i just wanna. listen to you talk until i fall asleep. #i just wanna write you songs until your eardrums break? #like i wanna. i wanna talk to you every day until there are no days left #but no #no. logic and priorities have to exist #i cant do this man