#it's been a long time since i've thought about accepting myself as being bi

[polyamorouspunk]

sleepover friday thing and im sorry if i've already sent you an ask about this, i have the worst memory in the world at the best of times. with that out of the way... how do i cope with my orientation doing a 180? my whole life, starting from when i was about 10, ive identified as a lesbian. i exclusively dated girls (or people who identified as girls at the time anyway) and non-binary people. i was only attracted to girls and non-binary people. when i thought about being married in the future, it was always to a woman or non-binary person.

then i met my soulmate and he was a man. i dont use the term lightly either -- im talking about love at first meeting, spending time together as often as possible, sharing secrets, the whole thing. i plan on getting a tattoo dedicated to him. i still called myself a lesbian, just with one exception, because he was the only man i ever loved. and then he went dormant and hasnt come back (hence the tattoo).

then i started noticing i sometimes got crushes on men but not very often. now it's a couple years later and it struck me the other day that i don't think i'm sexually attracted to women anymore. just men and non-binary people. and it really threw me for a loop. ive been a lesbian my whole life but now im not? i'm almost exclusively (sexually) xlm now. which is certainly hard to deal with since i'm dating someone who is woman-aligned.

this is really long im so sorry i didnt mean to ramble so much akskfkf but do you have any words of advice for someone whose identity flipped on its head and feels lost now

I doubt that I’m going to say anything revolutionary here, so I’m just going to talk.

Things change for everyone. Different things change for different people. I don’t want to discount the experiences of certain people like men who are attracted to cis women exclusively, women who are attracted to cis men specifically, men who are only attracted to men, women who only attracted to women, etc. When I say stuff like “sexuality is fluid” it’s in the same way you say “gender is fluid” knowing that for some people it 100% isn’t, but it CAN be.

Some people have a very hard time accepting that sexuality can be fluid. It’s been pointed out before that some people are all for playing around with your gender and calling yourself a woman as a cis man in drag or calling yourself a liquid because your gender is so fluid or going “none of the above” in those gender questions or any amount of things like that. But as soon as someone implies that sometimes you can be a lesbian and sometimes you can be a gay man and those things can coincide or change certain people get really up in arms.

Complicated sexualities and gender have been around longer than any of us, and certainly around longer than tumblr and the internet. Perhaps my own favorite example is talking about how bisexuals and lesbians used to fall under the same or at least a more similar label in Stone Butch Blues. Before the phenomenon of lesbian separatists.

Bisexual lesbians and pansexual gays and all those kinds of things, while perhaps POPULARIZED by social media, existed long before that. Why is the idea that trans people existed before tumblr not a novel idea but the fact that perhaps wlw were all lumped under the phrase “lesbian” because there were women with more complicated sexualities like might fit under the label “bi lesbian” today wild and unacceptable to some people?

The idea that you can call yourself a lesbian exclusively but have some exceptions or call yourself gay exclusively but have an exception or hell even call yourself straight but have an exception is not a new thing. I, personally, love straight cisgender male content creators who say shit like “I’m not gay but I would make out with that man”. Cracks me the fuck up. I want more of that shit. But suddenly if a lesbian says “I’m not straight but I would make out with that man” it’s like woah woah woah are you sure you’re REALLY a lesbian?

Plenty of people who are straight/gay/lesbian fully accept that you can ID as one of those things and still use that label if you have on exception or even a few. Some do not, and will say if your thoughts even stray from your assigned sex of attraction then you are not allowed to use that label.

There will people who will say you can’t call yourself a lesbian if you’ve had sex with a man before even if you didn’t enjoy it. Gold star lesbian mentality.

The idea of sexuality being fluid is sadly a controversial one, as is every facet of being “in the community”. But for many people it is.

I see it a lot like coming to terms that you are not in fact cisgender. You go your whole life believing, truly believing, that you are a cis girl perhaps, until suddenly one day you realize you are NOT. Maybe there weren’t “signs” that you were trans along the way. Maybe one day it just hit you like a ton of bricks. What do you do? How do you cope?

Well. How do you cope with any other thing that hits you like a ton of bricks? How do you cope with someone you thought loved you deciding to dump you and never speak to you again in a day? How do you cope with being fired from a job you felt so secure in and planned on being in for at least another decade? How do you cope with the unexpected death of a loved one?

Over time. You try not to stress it. You try and move through your days by keeping it in the back of your mind until time has dulled that immediate pain enough for you to reconsider. The pain isn’t going to go away. But it can become manageable. You cannot deal with things if you are screaming and crying and hyperventilating and throwing things. You need to wait until you’re not doing any of those things in order to deal with the issue at hand, for a vivid and extreme example.

What does it mean to you to be xlm? I call myself a bi lesbian. On this blog I call myself trans masc and mlm. On my main I’m a [girl] and a bi lesbian. To me that means I, Savanna, personally will have sex with people who have a vagina, as someone who also has a vagina. Be they trans men, trans women, cis women, nonbinary/other. I do not like the idea of having sex with an actual flesh and blood and cummy dick, HOWEVER I’m open enough to say “I haven’t really been in a position in my life right now where someone has wanted to jam their dick inside of me, so I haven’t really had to worry about that. If it comes to that point, I can’t say for sure that I’m going to be like ‘ew no a dick’ even though I do not like dicks. Depending on the person and the situation I might be willing to make an exception.” And hey. There are people I might be with who have a vagina that I might just be like hey you know what? I don’t want to have sex. For whatever reason.

Your partner is woman-aligned, so I’m sure in your mind that’s not something you’re aesthetically attracted to right now. But sexually might you be? Do you think you’re having another exception to your sexuality like you did before?

Try your best not to worry about it and try to come to any conclusions until you’ve given it some time. I’m not sure how long it’s been since you came to this realization, maybe it’s been a few days, maybe it’s been a few weeks. But take the time you need to not make an emotional response to it in regards to your current relationship. Do what you’re doing and talk to other people about it. When you’re ready, you should talk to your partner about it. Perhaps there’s accommodations and arrangements that can be made. I’ve said before even though I’m transmasc here like if a cishet guy wanted to date me only as his gf I would be willing to compromise on my gender expression for that most likely. My gender isn’t a huge deal to me. Things like that.

Take it slow and take your time. Don’t make any rash decisions. Talk it out. Don’t worry about feeling like you “made a mistake” or are “living a lie”. We wouldn’t tell someone who came out as trans things like that, so much as gender changes and/or is fluid so is sexuality.

#punk gets mail #the punk gives good advice

[angryaromantics]

hi. i need help. i understand you're not a professional so i hope this isn't too heavy but i've been needing and needing to talk to someone about my internalized arophobia and never had a real chance to do it.

anyways, i've been really lost and hopeless over the past couple years because of my aromanticism. identifying as demiromantic was a cover, but even when i thought that was the full extent of my place on the aro spectrum, i hated how hard that made it to find romantic love. now i know better and think i'm probably a lot closer to fully aromantic than i thought, and by extension i'd be cupioromantic too. i've forced crushes before, since i knew they came so rarely. that ended in repulsion and an inability to communicate it just about every time. it sucked. it still sucks.

the thing that makes me feel alone is that i haven't seen anyone else in the aro community express how i feel, and those i have are saying that i shouldn't talk about it since it's technically still arophobia, even if it's towards myself, and could hurt other arospec people. then they go on to say that it's just amatonormativity and something i can get over. but i don't want to!! i know that i want a fulfilling relationship!! i'm frustrated and it feels like an erasure of how i feel!!

i'm sure it'll be damning and maybe offensive to say this but i feel like i need to be fixed and i wish i could fix myself. my desires don't match with my real attraction and it leads me to believe i'm broken in a somehow unique way. i guess it'd be nice to find a community of other cupio-aligned people and build pride for who i am, but i'm just depressed because that won't solve my problem. who i am isn't who i want to be, and i can't change that or better it in any way. i'm hurting because of it. i fear my activity in sapphic spaces is just performative since i'll never actually be sapphic, or straight, or anything. why bother if i'll never know that experience and have the happy endgame with another girl that i truly do want? am i even really bi? could i just be a lesbian if i only experience sexual attraction to girls but no other type to any other group of people? or am i just clinging onto any other orientation label to deny that i'm aromantic and don't belong in the LGB parts of queer spaces? i hate this.

thanks for letting me vent. sorry this is so long. thanks for running your blog, i really appreciate it.

Hi, anon - I apologize, I've found this in my drafts folder, and I have absolutely no idea how long it's been there. Hopefully not too long, but either way, I'm sorry I missed it.

I think the first thing is, I don't believe feelings are ever the incorrect response. You can't control your emotions. If being aromantic makes you feel negative feelings, that's okay. It's normal even. I definitely felt that way for many years, and occasionally slip into it now. I don't think it much matters if it's internalized arophobia or amatanormativity, because either way, the effect it has on you is the same.

I will say, I think the aro community has sort of over-corrected in the way we deal with negativity surrounding aromanticism. I feel like, not even that many years ago, it was rampant. A LOT of the posts, a lot of the talk, was about a lack, of what we're missing out on, etc. Especially once the big aphobia boom around here. And I think people took that, and about faced it so that negativity isn't deemed acceptable by a lot of people. I disagree with this, just fundamentally. I think talking through the negativity you feel toward your orientation can help you work through that negativity. It can also help you find like-minded people, and feeling less alone will probably make you feel less negativity.

I do think it's a dangerous line to walk, though. Because it's easy to tip over into All negativity in such insular communities, and that can honestly be dangerous for everyone's mental health.

I hope you find some peace. I hope you come into yourself. I hope things settle, as they often do with time. I'm sorry none of this has an easy fix. I hope writing it down and getting it off your chest helped. There's nothing wrong with you, and you belong here <2

#asks

[old-school-butch]

here is my second anon, on same-sex attraction and the fuckery i've experienced around it in the trans community. i wonder if any ex-TRAs and TIFs will recognize this, or if it's only me who managed such a convoluted mental somersault? also, please forgive me for venting in your inbox, i have no better place. but alas.

i thought myself a gay man for 10-ish years. and yet i had... very clear sexual attraction towards women, clear enough that i've genderswapped 80% of my fictional male crushes so they would have breasts and vaginas, while still considering them "men" because i kept their he/him pronouns. seeing females as men allowed me to tell myself i was only attracted to males. i think a mix of biphobia and lesbophobia, stirred into gender-think. i was only allowed to love women if they were actually "men". because it was ok to love men.

i had crushes on girls as a teen and i'd always feel gross and predatory when i shared the locker rooms with them. i remember so badly wanting to sneak looks at my crushes but doing all i could not to. bc i "knew" that it was wrong. however i never developed into accepting this same-sex attraction as normal, because i got swept up in genderism, and became a "man" and... all my attraction towards women suddenly felt EVEN MORE predatory and violating. i swept it away as male gaze, objectification, leering, still predatory. etcetera etcetera. genuinely did all i could to suppress/explain away my obsession with female bodies. i centered my male attraction, and as the trans movement is very male-centered to begin with it was only encouraged. people (straight females) calling themselves f*gs left and right. every time i started thinking about breasts (i'm boob obsessed for real) or having sex with women i pushed it down as male depravity. i also thought me wanting to fuck women had been conditioned into me by advertising. like, yes, of course everyone wants to have sex with women bc they are trained by society to want this :)) logical. this totally happens to all female people. oh you love the smell of pussy? advertising taught you this. -_-

obviously as a TIF, i felt somehow that male identity and pronouns was a prerequisite to be fully human/be the way i was inside. misogynistic as fuck. it seems i felt this for other women, too. you told me i'd feel the weight of the harm i'd done along the way, when i sent the first anon; this is a heavy one. having viewed women and myself this way for so long. and having written off my same-sex attraction (i salivate when i see bare chested women lol) because, well, i'm a "man" and i violate them with my eyes.

the power dynamic between TIFs is funny/tragic too. ssa ones being treated as if they're straight males and culpable for everything those do. osa ones being the ones with more social capital. bisexual ones centering males bc well, the whole movement shits on women and you don't wanna be "straight" or bi ending up in a "straight" relationship. a lesbian TIF just enters a world in which her attraction (which she's likely felt predatory for her whole life already) is REINFORCED as bad. because now she's a straight man. and when a real heterosexual male is not accessible to shit on, she will be the target of the "gay" ones. god, the trans community is such a complicated type of homophobia...

i feel so good now to be out of it. i've been butch my whole life, i had a buzzcut since i was 14, up until my 20s. tomboyish always. now i have a long braid, and i considered cutting it off when i peaked, but i can't bring myself to do it. i miss my breasts very much and my braid is a body part as well, one that i can still hold on to. i can't let it go. it means something to me, i suppose, symbolically. but i don't feel like i'm a man anymore, and my attraction towards women is not to blame for their oppression. it is so liberating. i no longer feel like i'm degrading or harming women by being attracted to them. and most of my friends who dropped me were osa TIFs, binary and nonbinary... they have a lot to lose if they should give up that identity. they'd get booted out the "queer" community, lose the oppression they built their identity on. it's weird looking back at them. ah, i ramble so much, but thank you, even if you don't end up posting this, for having a space open here to go to. it feels so valuable, and it helps to read others anons.

Oh, I've definitely read wilder somersaults. It's amazing how confusing it is when reality is upside down. A lesbian becomes a gay man, or a straight man depending on the identity of the women she's attracted to. All nonsense, but I do wonder if it allows people to contemplate relationships they had rejected previously. Like, if you're a straight man who decides he's a lesbian but then meets another TIM then you're supposed to also include him, or women might have idealized views that relationships with men might not be so bad if you can escape 'being the girl'. Women, according to the stats, are the most likely to twist ourselves into these pretzels, of course, female socialization at work. So, we must forgive ourselves and each other for our roles in all this.

I'm glad things are working out well for you. There are times when I feel isolated being gender critical, but then I remember the headache-inducing mental repression I had to endure to make myself believe all this and I feel much more free and real.

[fazedlight]

Hi! Sorry if this is too personal, feel free to ignore if that's the case. I'm just interested in talking about queer, esp bi/pan, experiences.

I'm a fellow bisexual and one of my gripes with society at large and the LGBTQ+ community especially is that I often feel like people only see my attraction to same-gender people and erase the fact that I'm also attracted to people of other genders. It has gotten better over the years, but when I was a teenager I even referred to myself as homosexual with exceptions because I only felt welcome in the lesbian community when I denounced all attraction to men and I thought that if I didn't find a home in the lesbian community, I wouldn't be at home anywhere because bisexuality was so heavily erased and mostly seen as a joke or as a half-assed stepping stone to coming out as gay. I'm also not helping my case by being married to a person of the same gender, though I continue to insist that being married to one person of one gender does not make my attractions to other genders invalid.

Most other bisexuals I know have similar experiences to mine on account of either being in a same-gender relationship or single but still defined by their same-gender attraction. From what I've gathered from your profile (and sorry if I'm wrong!), you're married to a person not of the same gender. What are your experiences like? Do people erase your attraction to same-gender people? Does the LGBTQ+ community read your relationship as "straight-passing" and if so, do they take kindly to that? (I'm thinking of sentiments like no "straight" people at pride that completely ignore that people who look "straight" to you might still be queer in so many ways.)

Thank you in advance for your thoughts.

Oh boy, anon, let me tell you, I know a LOT of bi/pan people in your shoes.

This got a bit long, so I'll put my answer below the cut.

My experience these days is pretty chill (I'll get to that), but when I was a baby bi, I remember attending a bi-themed event at our LGBT group in college. I was the only bisexual to show up, and ended up spending over an hour answering questions from people basically grilling me on how bisexuals could even exist. To this day I wish I had just walked out instead of spending all that time being so stressed. It scared me off doing community stuff for a long time, unless I had people around me who I knew.

I've been pretty lucky with queer friends, though - bi/pan people, but also gay and ace - who really saw me. So throughout college and now, my friends' group and the sort of general/informal queer social circles I've run in have been very accepting.

I was never particularly feminine (have never bought makeup, have never owned heels, haven't owned a dress since before I started dating my now-spouse, haven't shaved since freshman year of college, etc). I've always leaned towards men's clothes, and then I started buzzcutting my hair into a short crew cut. I also have a man's wedding band.

Because of all that, I get read as queer in public. It's to the point where, when I start a new job, I can see the looks of confusion when I mention my husband. When people see a butch, they expect a lesbian - so I create a lot of confusion, and they kind of have to accept that I am both queer and have a husband. (I wouldn't be surprised if some of them think I'm confused about my sexuality, but none have made that my problem so far.)

But I feel like the femme bi/pan experience - which is far more common, I feel like butches are fairly rare in my circles whether lesbian or bi - receive much more bullshit from people. Because it's easier to be femme and "look straight", and so femmefolk get written off, even though they're equally valid.

I will say that I think online spaces can feel a bit erasing. Like there's a lot of thirstposting in online culture, but it feels like breaking an unspoken rule to thirstpost about both male and female celebrities*, or to talk about sex with men and women. It always makes me facepalm a bit when people call Claire Max a lesbian, when she's been very clear that (1) she is bi, and (2) she is currently dating both a man and a woman and has even been dating the man (Kyle) for longer. It really saddened me a month ago when an artist who draws a lot of wlw art talked about how people gave her shit for drawing m/f art, too. She shouldn't have to segregate her art to two accounts. (*I think there are also often unspoken rules about nonbinary people, in identity-erasing ways. But that's a rant for another post.)

I've been lucky to not really encounter those erasure problems in IRL queer spaces in recent history - possibly because the ones I've been in have been heavily mixed on the gender/sexuality spectrum.

I feel like a lot of this is very dependent on local norms. I think the more conservative an area is, the harder it is for people to embrace anyone who doesn't fit cleanly into 2 categories. That goes for male/female/nonbinary, straight/gay/bi, top/bottom/vers, etc. It turns out the "fuzzy" categories are actually VERY common. But binaries are easier for people to grasp.

But I feel like I've rambled on enough. In short, these days, I think my butchness & my local context both sort of shield me from some of the common bi problems. Which is lucky for me, but is absolutely a bullshit thing about culture that we all should work on fixing.

You're valid as a bi person, regardless of who you're in a relationship with (or not in a relationship with).

#anonymous #asks #reblogs off

[shayberri789]

In honour of Ace Week, I'd like to talk about my experience with growing up ace.

Many, many of my fellow aspecs talk about growing up feeling broken, to the point where I almost felt "fake" because I didn't share this apparently universal experience. (No slander to them by the way, I can recognise myself for being the oddball that I am, and the reason I escaped the self-hatred and broken feeling is. Actually kind of funny)

(Also sorry this is very long and rambly, editing is a bitch on mobile.)

I've always known I was aromantic and asexual. Not the terms, but I know I have been like this since before I can remember. The most important aroace memory I have is the one that saved me over a decade of grief, one I made when I was seven.

I was in grade one, and in a tiny, tiny school with literally only 4 people in my grade. My best friend, Jess, had just broken up with our classmates Thomas (they had been dating the way all 7yos do, and Jess has always been boy crazy). She was ranting to me about him, and I was a bit bored with it, playing about on the patio wall. I distinctly remember saying to her: "I'm never gonna get a crush! Dating is too much drama." And that was that. I promised myself never to get a crush.

And for years, I thought I was fantastic at keeping promises to myself. I was a pretty child, and I've always been kind, and many of my guy friends developed crushes on me, or felt pressured to have a crush and decided I was the best option. I don't know. I turned every one of them down, and said I wasn't going to date because I'd made myself a promise not to. I never developed a crush on anyone myself, and I thought it was because of a promise I made when I was seven. I never felt pressured to have a crush because of that promise, and all my girl friends accepted it too as an answer when they asked if I had a crush. We were like, ten, we didn't know better. None of us even knew what the lgbtqa+ was. Same-sex marriage was only legalised in 2006 in South Africa, and I didn't have a phone or access to the internet until I was 13. We also weren't as steeped in the amatonormative bullshit that comes with growing up, or fandom, or the internet.

When I was around 11-12 years old, we went to the coast to celebrate one of my childhood friend's mom getting married. Both his parents (his mom and later adoptive father) were close family friends, and while we were there I met up with an old friend I'd lost contact with.

I found out Dune, the lost friend, had had a crush on me since pre-primary school. He'd put a ring on his finger and declared that he was going to marry me when we grew up. I think He'd given up the notion by the time we reunited, but it made me feel weird. I started actually thinking about crushes, and my promise, and I worried that maybe I'd been repressing feelings. Did I accidentally close my heart to love because of my promise? But... not having to deal with crushes made my life so much easier, I wasn't sure if I wanted a crush. But I was worried I'd broken myself. It didn't help that when I brought this up to my mom (who is, by the way, an amazing woman and completely supportive of me now and my very queer brother and is bi herself) she said that closing your heart to love was unhealthy, and I should let myself feel things.

In retrospect, that's solid advice. I wish I'd listened to it more before I developed repression of emotions and memories as a coping mechanism to deal with immigration and a new country. But at the time I took it as confirmation I'd broken myself because again, I was eleven, and while I've always been mature for my age I still was lacking a lot of knowledge and growth.

Fortunately, I've always been a stubborn, genuine thing. I only changed parts of myself I didn't like, or thought hurt others, and no one else was allowed to decide that for Me. And I liked the peace not having crushes gave me, and I saved myself many years of grief and worry with that decision. It was three days of worrying about having broken myself, compared to an almost lifetime of many other aspecs.

That conviction was admittedly hard to hold onto though. I had several squishes in my childhood and the following yesrs, or maybe they were actual crushes but I doubt it; and I started becoming vaguely aware that saying I'd made a promise to stay single and unattracted to anyone was a weird reason for turning someone down when you're like 13/14yo. I stopped talking about my promise, but I never got a crush, never wanted one, and never wanted to date. I just kept living my life, even when I immigrated and said family friend's child from earlier, a boy I had been friends with since I was literally three years old, told me he'd been in love with me for five years the day I landed in my nee country. Thanks Vin, that's totally something to drop on your childhood friend when she is busy feeling like she'd lost everything. I spent a week analysing the last couple years of our friendship to figure out if he even cared about me the way I did about him. We're not very close anymore.

A year later, in Year 10/Grade 9, my new best friend invited me around to her house to tell me "something important". When I got there, I found our other friend we'd been growing closer too over the last couple months there already, and they were holding hands. Tess said to me, very gingerly, "Shay, I just wanted to let you know that I'm pan, and Saph and I are dating."

Three things you should know: I was barely aware that "gay" and "lesbian" was a thing at this point, I had no gaydar or ability to predict romance, and had quite frankly forgotten that crushes were a thing. I wasn't even looking for chemistry in my friends. I was caught completely off guard. I had no fucking clue was pansexual was. I'd only just started learning about the queer community and did not know how to react to this, and was suddenly, horribly reminded that my friends were at the stage where they cared more about finding someone to date than plodding on happily with the friendships we had. Tess later told me I "was a bit homophobic because of the way I recoiled with a slightly disguisted look on my face."

Honestly, I think it's because I was disgusted by romance in general and was unprepared for the confession, and was suddenly re-evaluating the entire friend group dynamics. I'm gonna forgive myself if I reacted badly, but I honestly wasn't aware enough of heteronormative culture, had forgotten amatonormativity existed, and didn't know enough about gay people to even be homophobic.

That night, I spent four hours researching the lgbt community to understand as much as I could, to find out how to support my friends and be a good ally. I still thought I was straight, back then. It got to the point where I knew a good deal about the queer community and experiences, enough to help my brother figure out he was pan and trans, and yet I still did not come across any aspec identity. Not in Tumblr screenshots, not on the wiki pages I read, not from word of mouth from the queer people I met irl.

I even went through about a month or so where I thought I was bi. I had enough common sense long before then to realize that a promise made when you're seven should not affect who you crush on, just what you do with those feelings, but it was the only explanation I had, so I quietly stuck with it. When I found out more about the queer community I thought to myself "... am I gay?" And critically evaluated myself, and came to the conclusion I felt the same about guys as I did about girls, and I must be bi, surely? But that didn't feel right, and It honestly made me feel uncomfortable to label myself as that, so I never mentioned it.

Fortunately soon after that, I was talking to one of Tess's old South African friends, who told me he was "asexual" (in hindsight, and seeing how he grew, I think he was actually aromantic. But, it's not my place to tell people how to identify). I didn't know what that meant so googled it, and realized... hey, this covers a lot of how I feel (or rather, what I don't feel). It wasn't quite right, I didn't really understand sexual attraction either (I still don't, really, but I do on a rational level), but it fit me better and explained a hell of a lot more than bisexual did, so I claimed it. Plus, pretty flag.

I tried to come out that pride month. I made an ace flag-coloured version of my profile picture, looked up the pride days for June, and decided I would change my pfp and bio on ace day to come out. Which I did! And many people congratulated me on figuring myself out, even more were confused as to what it was, and the rest didn't notice. But before all that, I'd accidentally come out on aromantic's day, first, much to my fear and embarrassment. I didn't realise I could be both aromantic and asexual. I didn't want it to seem like I was trying to be 'special' to fit in with my friends (I value genuineness greatly, and never wanted to appear like I was presenting myself falsely, especially for something like a trend or peer pressure). I quickly changed my pfp and bio before anyone noticed, and did it on the correct day at the end of the month.

Fortunately, it did make me look up aromanticism, and realize this identity fitted the rest of my experiences. But, I still didn't know I could have two identities, because I didn't know about the SAM model. I decided to stick with asexual, because I liked the flag more.

I still felt a bit like an imposter, though, like I wasn't really welcome in the queer community, and I always knew I didn't fit in the cishetallo one. I didn't know any other ace people except for the guy who told me about the term, and he was far too interested in sex and hot people for my comfort. I dedicated myself to learning more about the queer community as a whole, the lived experiences and politics, so that I could continue to support and be with my friends (who had, one by one over the year or so, come out as queer in some way, as one friend group does after the first one bites the bullet) even if I "didn't really belong".

It took me a while to feel fully comfortable as asexual, and to internalise I could be aromantic too and accept that (I called myself Grayromantic for a time because I thought the squishes had been crushes, and I almost wanted to hope I wasn't completely locked from love. I've since learned better and honestly, I'm really happy as plain aroace). I went through a period of trying on all kinds of micro labels to explain my experiences, but I've come to settle on the plain old aroace label. I'm happy, and I'm happy with myself. I also found the sunset aroace flag last year and fell in love with that, too 😂

I'd like to give a huge thank you to @fuckyeahasexual for all the information and support their blog gives, and the experiences and constant acceptance and reassurance that we are all ace, and for the info they give on aromanticism too. It played a huge role in my coming out and being proud, and then being loud and proud for the remaining years of high school. It's allowed me to meet so many more aspec people, and help people figure out their own aspec identities in my real-life community.

So yeah, I am, very extremely aroace. I swing wildly between sex and romance neutral to outright repulsed, and I have no interest in a qpr or any other relationship beyond family and friendship. (Shout out to my brother for getting into a qpr and then telling his actually aroace sister about it last out of everyone!).

I've been aroace my entire life, and I've never wanted to be anything different. I've dealt with my fair share of both microaggressive and straight-up aphobia from strangers, loved ones, fandom and society in general.

And I've never related to those posts about people growing up feeling broken, and for every single aspec out there like me who skated on through life and to their identities without that trauma as well, I tip my hat to you. We are valid, we are no less aspec than those with different traumas to us, and we are no less important or alone or isolated than they are. We're all in this together, and we should all take pride and care in one another. For our similarities and shared experiences, and for our differences. Happy ace week.

#shay posts #asexual #asexuality #ace #asexual week #ace week #ace experience #asexual experience #asexual pride #ace pride #aromantic positivity #aromantic pride #asexual positivity #ace positivity #aro pride #aro positivity #aro experience #aromantic experiences #aro #aromantic #aroace pride #aroace positivity #aroace experience #aromantic asexual #aromantic and asexual #aroace

[aaa-battery-not-rechargeable]

sending a confession?? Of some kind??? It's kinda long sorry.

Lately, for the past few years, I've been questioning my sexuality. I can appreciate people's good looks, but for men specifically, I felt ill at the thought of even dating them. Naturally, the next thing in my young brain that made sense was that I was a lesbian. Which was fine at the time, but I realized that I felt the same way with them, too. Not to the same extreme, but I didn't really fully imagine myself loving them romantically either. If I ever thought that my attraction to someone could lead to a relationship, I felt sick regardless of gender. At the time, I didn't know that being aromantic was an option. So I spent the later years forcing myself in the box of being either lesbian or bi, thinking that if I somehow believed hard enough, I could be like my peers. Into men (Since I was a girl) or being into women (since I have to like someone, right?). After learning about aromanticism, I finally felt like I could understand a part of myself. Of course it wasn't without difficulties. I still felt so alienated from my friends, who kept talking about romance and boys, trying to get me into the conversation. Even family started bugging me about when i would find "the one." I kept brushing them off, but I felt so lonely that I thought going back to lying to myself would fix it. Even now, that I fully accepted that part of me, I still think sometimes that something is wrong with me. But looking through tags, blogs, videos made me realize I'm not alone. So I'm getting better about it. Sorry for the long ask, I felt like getting it off my chest to someone who didn't personally know me. You don't have to respond or anything if you got this far, I just thought you were a nice person to do it with. :3

thank you for trusting me with your story, anon <2

i think it's an experience a lot of aros relate to, so you're not alone at all in your journey. i'm so glad you were able to find an online community of people like this

i hope it's okay that i post this, i just think it's something people may benefit from seeing, maybe this will help someone else realize they're not alone either

godspeed and aro appreciation <2

#aromantic #aro #arospec #aspec #queer #lgbt #lgbtq #lgbtqia #lgbtq+ #lgbt pride #lgbtqiap+ #lgbtq community #queer community

[chipped-chimera]

Okay gimmie a sec I need to scream about being a Lesbian and my frustrations around it as someone signing on late.

Will I post this? Idk. But I'm about to blow a gasket.

I love being lesbian, okay. It's the first time it felt something has FIT properly. It's like when I got my Autism diagnosis - suddenly everything has context and MAKES SENSE. It feels like HOME.

But the more I learn about history in terms of wlw, and look around for representation and shit now that I FINALLY got where I am ... the more depressed I get. In a way, being bisexual was easier. It was easy to find rep. To feel rep. People were generally defensive of the label, stamped out Pan/Bi discourse most of the time and defended it loudly and with pride! I was happy in that label at the time, though it wasn't for me in the end. I felt safe. Validated. Accepted.

Lesbians? I feel like the label has been a battleground since the moment I stepped foot into it. I am seeing conversations swung around with all the grace and sharp edges of a mediaeval flail with the complete disregard of healthy boundaries others have, which again - knowing the HISTORY of how lesbianism has been interpreted over time is just ... it's misogyny in another coat. Whether internalised or intentional it is still here and it is still damaging. I sit here wondering why it's okay to have gay exclusive or trans exclusive or bi exclusive spaces but if a Lesbian tries to create one it is absolutely BATTERED for being 'exclusionary'. I mean, I know why it's like this. It's the fucking TERFs. The TERFs poisoned the water. So now a lot of lesbians feel compelled to open spaces to all as an assurance to keep them out, and in turn that is isolating. I desperately search around for people to relate to, to help navigate this world I've come into so late: I am lost, I need help, I am so isolated and alone.

And I can't find anything. Or its few and far between. I have to sift through walls and walls of experiences that while valid, are not mine. They don't help. I see lesbians getting attacked for expressing their pain over things like this, that lesbian bars are on the decline. I see headlines about a women exclusive bar as part of a temporary art exhibition being taken to court in my country by some man who filed for discrimination. I read the history of Lesbians in the American West, poorly documented as it is, that 'Lesbians had it better' than gay men because 'romantic friendships' were normalised between women - because no one believed a relationship could be 'real' unless a man was involved. Kissing and sleeping with your female friend was fine - you were just expected to 'grow up' and eventually conform to the patriarchal society structure of getting married and having children. Only men could become permanent 'confirmed bachelors'. The top Reddit related to lesbians is for porn. That objectification even invades the lesbian tag here, on a site where NSFW content has nearly been completely expunged. I know it's shit like this, way back in the 2000s was the reason I just could not accept being lesbian. I couldn't see myself in it because it was so objectified and the thought of 'engaging' in it felt gross. And it feels disgusting now.

I grew up in an environment where Lesbianism was considered something people did for attention or clout, to become more attractive to men. I see posts even now of angry lesbians venting about being predated on by bisexual women, who only mention way later that their 'boyfriend is feeling left out :('. So while it's not as bad as it was, it's still there. It's just now no longer AS socially acceptable.

So I think I understand why it took me so long. I think my mind was trying to protect me from all of this. Because although being Lesbian feels like home, I feel even more invisible. Bisexuals always were joking about being 'invisible', but as a Lesbian I feel like I don't even exist. I'm on another plane of reality. If I try to stick my head out there and make myself visible I am shamed, ridiculed, second guessed, invalidated. I see it happening everywhere, every damn day.

I see it in the shitty wlw fic ratio in nearly every fandom on Ao3. I see it in Lesbian Day of Visibility being so quiet on Tumblr that I missed it. I see it in the comments section of a relationship columnist who also came to her own realisation about being lesbian late, being told she 'just needs to find the right man' to fuck her right, she's not a lesbian! Fucking a man is the solution - even though she was married and in a het relationship for years. Even as she fights back with studies showing how wide the gender orgasm gap is.

Everywhere I turn, I am told I am not valid. That my opinions don't matter. That my preferences aren't real because a man isn't involved in some way, and it's only for THEIR entertainment when it is acceptable. I see lesbian spaces filling with bisexuals and transgender women and little lesbian voices left. I hesitate to write the last sentence because I know of the ire I could invoke by simply stating that.

I love being Lesbian. It feels like home. But I'm in an empty house with cracked windows and if I make the slightest noise someone throws a bottle through the window at me. I feel unsafe, scared, belittled, isolated and so, so fucking alone. I don't feel proud. I almost wish I could go back to being Bisexual. But it doesn't work that way. I can't keep pretending I'm something I'm not anymore, that has taken up and destroyed so much of my life and health over the years. And the idea of going back, trying to bring men back into focus feels physically disgusting. I spent 10 years in a het relationship, I think I gave it a good go and it WASN'T FOR ME. And I shouldn't need to say I have dated or fucked a woman for that to be valid either.

I don't know where I'm going with this. All I know is I feel like shit and I don't even know where or how the find people to help me through this. And it fucking hurts.

#kerytalk #ventposting #lesbian #it is bad lonely isolated lesbian hours #oh also you bet my shite mood contributing to creative block so I can't remedy my problem #by contributing wlw art and fic #is eating me alive and making my mood worse

[lgbtqtext]

Long overdue update!

Hey guys- it has been a LONG time. I have some news and most importantly, an apology.

My new, inclusive header

Firstly, I've been on a road of self-discovery for quite awhile. As it turns out, I'm a nonbinary person and bisexual. I am transmasculine, and as I've been on testosterone, my previously undetectable attraction to men has skyrocketed. I'm still attracted to women and nonbinary people, but mostly men these days. I'm bisexual, so my attraction to all genders is different for each one. It feels different for me, the way I experience my attraction to each gender, which is why I am not pansexual. My name is now Ash.

So what does this mean for my blogs? Well, they're not going anywhere, but I am changing the names. Lesbiantext is now LGBTQtext, and in my about section I'll include the other updated blogs. I will be making content for the whole acronym! Including the plus that I can't put into my url. Even some stuff for allies.

Now, my apologies. I'm apologizing for my serious inactivity first. I am so sorry that I've been MIA for so long. I got stressed from my blogs and just lost interest. But what I am mostly apologizing for is my previous lack of trans inclusion. Back when I thought I was a lesbian, I was dealing with dysphoria and seriously repressed it. I thought that I could just shove away my discomfort with my body and being referred to as a she or a woman. And that meant I didn't want to acknowledge trans anything. I surrounded myself with the wrong kind of people and I should have known better. And I am sorry. I am sorry for never mentioning trans people at all, especially trans women. It took a lot of strength, but I did separate myself from the wrong crowd and finally recognized myself as a nonbinary person. I love all my fellow trans people. That negativity is behind me now, and I am never looking back.

After a year-ish on t, my miniscule attraction to men shot up way higher than my attraction for women. That was a struggle too, since so much of my identity was about being a lesbian. It took a lot for me to take down my flags, but my nonbinary flag and my bisexual flag suit my room so much better. They feel right, as with my old lesbian ones I would sometimes feel like an impostor. I used to just write off my few moments of 'this guy is kinda hot WAIT WHAT-' as a fluke, but looking back, I think I was having bi-cycles. A lot of bisexual people experience fluidity in their attraction. I do still experience the bi-cycle, so my attraction can vary at times. And even though I can't get those years of denial back, I can just accept and love myself now, for my gender and my orientation.

So, I'm going to be slowly creating content for all genders and orientations. Send in your requests! I love you all.

-Ash

#update #lesbiantext #not text #admin #word art #lgbtq text #lgbtqtext

[youchube]

Coming to terms with being asexual the past two weeks really made me think about how certain past friends really fucked me up and made me question my asexuality for years. I've been calling myself ace since I was 17 but after my first year of college shifted to being more "bi" than "ace" and it became kinda the "afterthought" of my sexuality because of the people that made me question it.

One of the first people I talked about it with was my long time friend I knew since I was 10 who just turned out to be an awful person and I caught her making fun of me coming out as ace to her guy friends behind my back.

Then in college when I basically had to make all new friends from scratch, one of my first good friends really turned out to just want to date me. I did say I was ace at this time but they kept questioning me about it like "uhhh i thought you were ace" and then comments about how "well youve never been in a relationship so how would you know" when I said i was uncomfortable with cuddling/being touched in general. I ghosted them after I confirmed my suspicions when they took me on a date but I wasn't 100% that it was a date until I asked afterwards.

After that I just stopped telling people and shifted to making it very clear with all people that I'm not interested in relationships through roundabout ways. Like telling people not to dm me when I get that vibe.

I didn't really start accepting it again until I actually watched a video on someone figuring out they were ace and everything fit me EXACTLY. Like yes I'm perfectly fine imagining my ocs in sexual relationships but never ME. I have crushes in a "I think they're attractive but I don't wanna pursue or be pursued" kinda way. I get super anxious and kinda repulsed when anyone shows any romantic interest in me. Confirmed that when I forced myself to date and then immediately lost like 10 pounds in 2 weeks from anxiety/nausea because of the idea of doing anything outside of just hanging out with the guy. I'm never lonely because I'm not in a relationship. I'm only lonely when I don't have friends to talk to.

Anyways I'm glad I have better friends now and have people that have accepted it even if they don't really know what it is. Like my mom doesn't know what asexuality is but basically is like "id rather you not date then to be with someone you don't like" and basically fine with me staying with them. My sister figured it out years ago and is also fine with me just living with her and her bf if I ever want to move out.

Unfortunately that's just another thing I kinda have to accept. That I'll probably be living with family for most my life because I don't think I can motivate myself to be healthy/tidy without the presence of someone else living with me to force me into cleaning/cooking...etc. Also living alone in this economy? Scary af lol. If I move out with friends, I shouldn't expect it to be long term ever because they're in relationships and couples usually want to be alone. Especially if they want to have kids or something. I've moved out with a friend before and it was a blast and I managed really well! It's just not something I really expect long term.

Anyways sorry for this super long and personal post I guess LOL. I just have alot of thoughts

#rambling

[ambivalentgaylor]

A few very normal thoughts:

Okay so I've just watched the Lavender Haze video for the first time after avoiding it due to being pissed at her for heterosexualising the term, and have noticed the following: the weather guy on the TV points to the number 78...I googled and 1978 was when the gay pride flag was first flown in San Francisco. Also, what's with the purple she's using in every video? In Anti-Hero it came oozing out of an egg. Everyone (well, lesbians) knows purple/lavender is a lesbian colour.

But I worry that maybe she's just so excruciatingly straight she really does think "lavander haze" was a term commonly used in the 1950s after seeing it used once on a mad men episode. So sad. But she's also scattering the bi flag colours absolutely everywhere, and she is not an idiot. She's a smart lady. I cannot accept that she'd be so silly and detached as to not understand that it is exploitative to employ lesbian and bisexual coding in her art simply as a way of "supporting" lesbians and bisexuals. Like, surely not.

Since her breakup I've therefore allowed myself to have lesbian interpretations of some of her lyrics on Midnights. So that's fun for me.

At first, taking it at face value and not wanting to read into it, I thought "I feel the lavender haze creeping up on me, no deal - the 1950s shit they want from me" was just her speaking about media/public/fan pressure to marry her man, and her desire to ignore that pressure to just feel good in her relationship as it is. But if I allow myself to be a lesbian about it, one might say that she was in a relationship with a man who wanted marriage and was way into sex-roles and she was like "Ugh... I feel the lavender haze aka my lesbian tendencies from previous relationships with women creeping up on me...no deal to these men who want that 1950s shit from me...I'm damned if I stay in this straight relationship due to fear of what people might say if I explore my love of the ladies a bit more... mayhaps I'll move towards this lavender haze..." (this interpretation is based on the theory that she's bi, because I don't think I can bring myself to believe she's actually a lesbian and all her public hetero relationships have been "beards").

Anyway, the Bejewelled video. In which she wants the castle, not the man. This goes back to what I said a while ago (to myself and one other person, don't worry about it), about how her comeback after the Kanye thing would likely not have gone down well if she didn't have a boyfriend to point to like, "Whom cares about any of you bc I am all loved up with this amazing man, haha to the losers who expected a bitter revenge album". Making the rep album about love allowed her to regain the kingdom keys Kanye took away...and get her castle/superstardom back...and now she no longer needs to show the world she can be in a long-term hetero relationship and isn't the "whiny overdramatic harpy who disses men in her music too much and always plays the victim" the world characterised her as. She has the castle and left the prince after he proposed because she was like, "Sike! Just needed this castle actually." And we know she would not have regained the kingdom keys as quickly if she didn't have a "stable het relationship" to point to, because society doesn't love and admire a strong, independent woman with cats. That's a witch, girls.

Also: at the end of the Bejeweled video, once she's in the castle having ghosted the prince, she looks out and sees dragons flying around... perhaps envisioning what is to come if she were to "come out"...?

In saying that, another interpretation could be that she's saying she's gonna go back to being the "annoying serial dater who can't keep a man and complains too much" that everyone hates, bc she doesn't believe in marriage and doesn't want kids. And so she is predicting the criticism that will come from her preferring the castle/solo success to settling down like a "good woman" should.

See? I'm allowing for the possibility that every lesbian and bisexual clue she has ever dropped over many years has been purely accidental on account of straight people being clueless. You never know, good not to put all your eggs in one basket, pays to be flexible in life, etc.

Anyway, I don't know if any of this has been said before because I have been completely disconnected from this whole era out of bitterness, so if you're a serious and professional gaylor truther reading this like "um...duh" then...fine. Fine!

#for the love of god anti-gaylors just keep scrolling. it's okay to ignore things you don't like i promise. love you #gaylor #lavender haze

[twilightangel]

Something I thought would be neat was me sharing my journey with my identity since it's pride month and in case anyone would be interested or relate. Some things I may not go into a lot of detail with because it's a bit too personal so I might tldr it

Another thing is I had/have very little pushback considering my identity. My family and the people I know are very accepting. Other than a little questioning from others I've been very lucky to have no direct experience with discrimination.

I first realized I was queer when I got a "crush" on my best friend (I'm gonna call them S as they will come up quite often) after learning how similar we were and that we had similar experiences with certain things (I learned much later that it was very strong platonic and aesthetic attraction) I had a strong pull to hang out with them and i wanted to be near them

I noticed my attraction to them before I realized I was gay which is something I find very funny because I was growing up around a lot of queer people who were very out and proud. I would spend a lot of time up at night just thinking about them and it was quite a bit before I realized and was like "holy shit I'm gay"

Quite a bit later I started actually thinking about my sexuality and that I also had a "crush" on a boy a few years earlier (which I know now was aesthetic attraction) so I thought I was bi for a little bit

Note that around this time I was online a lot more so I was more aware of different labels although I was, and still am, learning.

Then I found the pan label and thought that fit me more and I was more comfortable with it. Not long after that I started my journey with my gender identity. I never really had a problem with being called a girl most of my life. I liked dresses and I didn't have a problem with "girly" things until I learned the pink=girl and blue=boy association society has then I was SUPER against pink haha.

I came out as demigirl to my family and started using she/they. I knew I liked some things about being a girl but I didn't fully associate myself with being a girl and at the time the label fit that.

I also started to not like certain things about being afab such as my breasts. They just seemed in the way and I didn't like them. I had started wearing hoodies more to cover them. I found out what a binder was and gathered up the courage to ask my mom for one. She was fine with it and I got a couple different ones from gc2b. I was very happy after I tried one on and wore them as often as possible (taking breaks of course)

Later I realized I liked the label non-binary better and started using they/them exclusively. I then was going to have a birthday party and I wanted to tell S about my change of pronouns. A bit earlier their mom had accidentally outed them over text so I knew before they told me directly that they used they/them pronouns. A couple days before the party we talked to each other about our new pronouns and that they were going by a different name.

For a long time I kept with using they/them although I felt a disconnect with the non-binary label

I found the asexual label and I kept being unsure about if I fit it and whether I should use it. I came across a post saying that if your unsure about a label to try it on for a few days or weeks and if it does/doesn't fit then it doesn't hurt to keep/stop using it. So I did and I've been using it since then.

A bit after that I had found the aromantic and demiromantic labels. This was still when I thought I had a crush on S. I knew I didn't experience romantic attraction very often and I only did with S because I was very close with them so I concluded that I was demiro. Not long later and currently I use aromantic as a label despite demiro technically fitting better because it's feels more comfortable and easier to explain.

Now continuing with gender identity things™. I had been homeschooled most of my life and when I started public school there was a moment I was waiting in a line that was a bit confusing for some as it was not an actual line. Someone had gendered me using he/him and I felt incredibly unusual amounts of gender euphoria from that. I was unable to stop thinking about that and smiling all day.

Around that same time I had learned of it/its pronouns. It wasn't the same kind of euphoria I felt with he/him bit it just made sense? Like I looked at them and was like "hey that me". My mom had a bit of trouble with accepting me using it/its saying "you're not an it" but I tried explaining that they felt comfortable for me and that she uses it pronouns more often than she thinks (like with animals) and she was okay with that. So at that time my pronouns were he/they/it

Much more recently I learned about aplatonicism and how I identify with the label. I've known for a bit that I'm not particularly interested in friends. I'm fine with the one best friend that I have and that's pretty much it. Before I thought it was just me being introverted which could still be part of it. I do think part of my aplatonicism could be because of trauma as I did have a bad experience with someone I thought was my friend. I don't have an issue with that though. It's just how I am and how things happened to me.

Now I've been using slightly different sets of pronouns with different people/places. Such as here I've been using it/its almost exclusively. I don't really have a label for my gender so I just go with either unlabelled or queer.

So that's where I am now! An AroAce Aplatonic pan with maybe gender! I know I don't experience sexual attraction, I might/sometimes experience romantic and platonic attraction and when that does happen it can be with anyone! Also everyone looks pretty

#this got quite long haha #im not really expecting a lot of people to see this but if telling my story can help one person then I'll be happy #happy pride everyone! #pride #lgbtq #queer pride #pan #panaesthetic #aromantic #demiromantic #asexual #unlabelled #aroace #aplatonic #queer stories

[menalez]

Okay so I have a sort of dilemma, on the one hand I've been thinking I'm a lesbian since I started high school (like, not even questioning it, really repulsed towards any kind of intimacy having to do with male bodies). On the other hand I have sexual trauma and recently I've been wondering if I am not just repulsed because of trauma instead of because of innate sexuality. But also maybe I think that because I have a lot of internalized lesbophobia so maybe i am trying to convince myself I am bi. Of course no one can know my sexual orientation better than I do but do you have any advice on navigating your sexual orientation when you have sexual trauma? Because it has been tormenting me lately. Also is it normal for lesbians to be REALLY physically repulsed by any form of intimacy with males? Or should I go to therapy for that? Or maybe me thinking I should go to therapy for being repulsed by males is just another manifestation of internalized lesbophobia?

i can get the struggle and confusion as someone who has faced sexual trauma myself. it made things quite confusing and difficult for me too when i was questioning and also coming to terms with my sexuality. without the trauma, maybe i would’ve been more confident about it by 15 but instead i used the trauma as a way to explain away my homosexuality.

tbh what helped me was thinking to the time before the trauma. were you ever attracted to boys as a child? did you find yourself attracted to male celebrities or gravitating towards men / boys as a child? did you fantasies about being with them in a romantic way? when i thought back to before my trauma and thought to as far back as 5 years old, i realised that while i had many male friends & got along with guys & was tomboy-ish, i was attracted to girls & not them. this continued as i got older altho from a young age i understood what was expected of me and tried to fit in by forcing interest in guys for the sake of my image and for the sake of acceptance. thinking back to that specifically helped me figure out my sexuality more easily esp since it’s from a time before trauma tainted my experiences and sexuality. maybe that could help u too?? ig unless you experienced trauma at an extremely young age, in which case, maybe there’s no way to rly know and if you haven’t been interested in guys for as long as you remember and continue not to be and don’t think you’ll ever be, but are attracted to women, then.. i guess you know your answer.

also it’s not “normal” or “abnormal” to be super repulsed by any form of intimacy with males. but i do think it’s definitely quite normal to be quite repulsed by sexual/romantic interactions with males if ur a lesbian and honestly normality/abnormality doesn’t matter unless it’s causing you significant distress and dysfunction in ur daily life (and by that i mean like. you’re so repulsed by males that u can’t go out or work or be in many spaces etc. not wanting to be with them or to be intimate with them is imo not at all wrong)

#also being w women can help clear up those feelings fr #when i was first with a woman i knew w so much confidence like. yeah ok im definitely a lesbian #and it was a TERRRIBLE first experience so 😭 that says sth

[pineapplesunsetkiss]

Lesson Learned

After my child came out as gender fluid and bi to my parents about a year ago, I was surprised that the parent who took it the worst was my dad rather than my mom (who has made read effort). My mom informed me that my dad was very angry with me and thought this was stupid and all due to my influence. I was informed that he would never accept my child preferred name/pronouns, etc.

Normally I speak to my mom on the phone when I call and my brother call my dad. This is because I have the patience for my mom's long-winded rambling conversations and I respect that my dad isn't much for phone calls. So, I've never spoken directly with my father about any of this. And, being hurt and upset, I avoided talking to him for quite some time. The handful of times we've spoken since then has been brief and cordial, gradually becoming warmer as time has gone on.

Not very long after the situation with the grandparents (other side of the family didn't go any better), I had a phone conversation with one of my best friends, who is my child's godmother and now lives across the country from me. I didn't want to talk about the situation out loud because my kiddo was nearby, so I mentioned I'd send an email. I did send a lengthy, heartfelt email. And never got a reply or heard anything from her at all. Granted, it is not unusual for us to go very long stretches of time without being in touch. But, considering the rejection I'd just felt from my dad, I assumed that we were being rejected again. I didn't reach out again because it would hurt to much to have that rejection confirmed.

Recently the fabulous Sarah Simons was tweeting about friendship in prep for a new You Tube video and it got me reflecting. I decided to grow up and contact my friend even if that went badly. Turns out, my email had slipped through the cracks because around the time we spoke, she was diagnosed with breast cancer!

This dear woman who was like a sister to me had been through cancer treatment, two failed lumpectomies, a double mascectomy and was currently two days out from step one reconstructive surgery and I had been absent for all of it, assuming she just didn't want to be friends anymore when she was actually fighting for her life! If only I'd been a braver, better friend and reached out sooner I could have supported her. We had a wonderful three hour phone conversation yesterday.

During that call, I declined a call from my mom. We're scheduled to fly down and see my parents for the first time since before th e Pandemic in just over a week. I called her back and go troubling news. My dad, who is 75 and has a heart condition, is significantly sick with Covid. Not only is our visit in jeopardy, but so is his life, potentially.

I suspect all will be well, but what if. What if my dad were to die and I've spent all this time estranged. I've only had my mom's rather dramatic take on his feelings, rather that being brave enough to confront him myself.

Lesson Learned: Relationships Require Bravery

#friendship #families

[tyrantlavellan]

List of Characters that contributed to my bi awakening.

No one asked but here it is anyways:

1)

Jadis, The White Witch - The Chronicles of Narnia

2)

Anamaria - POTC: Curse of the Black Pearl (minor character, but still better than Swan...)

3)

Xena - Xena: Warrior Princess

4)

Renfri - The Witcher (Netflix)

5)

Domino - Deadpool 2

6)

Hela, Goddess of Death - Thor: Ragnorok

7)

Mo’at - Avatar

8)

Princess Tamina - Prince of Persia: Sands of Time

Love me some powerful ladies <3 

#long post #bi awakening #lots of lovely lady characters #it's been a long time since i've thought about accepting myself as being bi #only because i dont really know when it started #but here is a list no one asked for #probably delete later

[whaleofatjme1920]

hello! I'm quite new to these matching up things so sorry if this is too long or too vague!^^' thank you so much in advance 💕

can i please request a Tf2 romantic match up?

I'm 5'5, a libra ♎️, Bi/Pansexual female and i use every pronounce(he/she/them, she/them I mainly use but you can just use she/her here lol) I'm quite chubby but I like being quick about stuff, short black and brownish hair, I wear glasses, my main hobbies are drawing and crocheting! I mostly draw more though since I'm still new to crocheting and its hard

I absolutely love noodles of any kind and I live for sodas/sweet drinks and I also Really love horror stuff!1!1! mangas,movies whatever lol! I also love collecting stuff that I like, like litlte figures and just stupid stuff to put somewhere in my room and add stuff to my collection. I like going to new places with loved ones but I've been so sheltered my life I usually get very nervous stepping out of my comfort zone

I'm very touch starved hh please give me physical contact 😭, my love language are physical touch and quality time, I'm a very patient person if it comes to relationships and I really hope my partner will also be patient when it comes to me since I'm quite slow half the time, I'm very social stupid so half the time i might not be able to pick up on cues, so I would really want my partner to be straight up with me if anything is ever wrong or they want to express something, I'm bad at expressing my own thoughts but I'll try my best if I know my partner is there to listen to me everytime, and I deal with insecurity on a daily basis so if my partner could give me could give me reassurance a lil bit here and then that'll be really nice ✨

I'm very reserved and quiet when meeting new people i dont know well, but if you're close to me and express that you're ok with being very close to me I can be absolutely batshit chaotic but depends on what kind of person you are, I'll either tone it down or higher it up, I just wanna say dumb shit and dick around lmao

I'm clumsy, I lose shit so easily and forget stuff the moment its said to me- I have one singular braincell and I already fucking lost it somewhere lmao. my thoughts process and what comes out of my mouth sometimes is super questionable, I jump thoughts so much, go from topic A straight to topic C and to A again and to B

alot of people say I'm really nice polite and kind, I dont have the balls to betray anyone's nice to me, I guiltrip myself into being as nice as possible so no one gets uncomfortable, I'm very respectful and I wont cross any lines or boundaries if you tell me before hand, If i do accidentally make my partner upset I'll kick myself super hard about it

I have such a broken sense of humor honestly, I laugh and giggle at the smallest of things and i also get upset at the smallest of things, but I get overstuff very quickly, like in a day or 2, I also use laughter as a coping mechanism in negative times and thats a really shit problem 💀💀💀 And I dont mean like, I giggle at a funeral or something💀, but when I get into a shit problem about Myself, I laugh it off and just hope it becomes better. One major thing about me is that I'm very indecisive, always in the middle of stuff

and uhh i guess that wraps up everything I wanna say Thank you so much again if you do this and sorry if you couldnt 💕

Your matchup is... Sniper!

[Disclaimer, if you're coming from the tags, this is part of a special event I am holding from November 17th to the 21st where I am accepting matchups from all fandoms I currently write for. Feel free to check out my 1K celebration masterlist here for rules during the window this event is open! If it's past the 21st midnight USA central time, do NOT send me a matchup. I will have to politely turn you down. Sorry </3]

In General

Gonna have to trust the process with me on this one, but I think you and Mundy would get along like a house on fire. Let's get into that.

Things He Likes About You

Physically speaking, everything about you vibes with him. Your hair is gorgeous, your body, and he loves your glasses. I think your personality meshes really well with him too - like I can already tell this stuff is going to leak into the next section I adore going off the rails in so let's just - let's just head over there now.

You Two as a Couple

The glasses thing - he's going to let you try his aviators a few times. Thinks you're ADORABLE wearing them. Drawing?? Incredible. Mundy is a bit of an artist himself; I think he likes sketching the cool animals and landscapes he sees while out and about in the world. Furthermore, I think he loves your crocheting, loves seeing you progress. Lady and the Tramp scene between the two of you lmafo. He weirdly has a pretty big sweet tooth? Like, I feel that throws a lot of people off but he has a sweet tooth. Will bring back sweet snacks for you. He doesn't mind horror movies or anything, sometimes gets spooked but he has a lot of fun seeing those things with you. He's slightly into vulture culture, so he gets the appeal of collecting things. Will look at your collections, and will add onto them very slowly. Mundy is touch starved, the two of you are always going to be holding hands, smooches, wholesome touches. He likes resting his head on top of yours bc that man i a literal tree where else would he-. Mundy has the patience of a saint, it's almost scary. He'll explain things to you without any sighs or anything, he knows. He also really likes listening to you as well, and ofc, he can reassure you. I think Mundy is a little awkward with his words? But around you, he always knows what to say. Like two pieces of a puzzle y'know?? He's pretty reserved and quiet at first as well, and yes, he can get chaotic. But I get the feeling you'd be the more chaotic one in the relationship. Mundy isn't that clumsy so he'll lend you his brain cells from time to time lmfao. Your sense of humor would have the two of you rolling at 2am. I just like the thought of that for the both of you. Likes that you're respectful because he is too. Mundy isn't indecisive at all, once he sets out to something he's going to see it through - and the best decision he's made is loving you.

Closing Thoughts/Other Things

Hi love bug, kudos to you for sending this in! You sent me a fantastic amount. hope you enjoyed <3

#tf2 headcanons #tf2 #tf2 matchup #tf2 sniper x reader #tf2 sniper #tf2 sniper headcanon