#it's a hard thing to know about yourself

[soldier-poet-king]

Actually let's be honest in addition to all my usual bullshit this is just astarion making me reckon with the fact that I don't know how to be A Real Person, how to relate and be close to people except to be helpful and accomodating, how to say no and not be a compulsive people pleaser out of fear of the repercussions and uncertainty if one is not placating at all times

Like yeah it's for different underlying reasons and I obvs make no claim to the specifics or the severity of that kind of situation & trauma but also. Like. I Get It, I'm not a Real Person either

#franposting #this is SO emo im sorry #but this has been troubling me for eons #far longer than the game. months and years #its something i mostly try to ignore and pretend isnt true #it's a hard thing to know about yourself #esp when its like. theres no way to fix it. its how you grew and were made and you don't know how else to be #its a compulsion and a safety net and a protection #even as it ruins you and turns you into a fake shadow person and not a real whole human being #i don't know how to say no or disagree #i only do that when im REALLY mad and then i get mean #and i end up getting in trouble or disparaged anyway #so its just so much easier and better to just not rock the boat #at least not on my own behalf #ill stick my neck out for others and big issues bc that's what im made for #but when its things that just affect me? ill just stuff all the badness inside of me and keep going #its easier and fewer people are hurt #and i dont know how to disagree without fear or crying anyway. its not worth the uncertainty #if im good and accomodating ppl wont get mad. they wont leave or hate me. i dont have to guess #this is fucked i know im fucked i just dont know anything else so this is how it has to be #its ok. ok. tattoo soon. i dont have control over much but at least my skin and body are mine. there's that. lots of ppl dont even have that #i should be grateful #that its just in my head and my heart

[aeide-thea]

on principle opposed to describing art i dislike as 'masturbatory' because even though it's an alluringly contemptuous word to sneer it's impossible to reconcile with my pro-masturbation stance

#it's such an ugly word but like. self-pleasure is good‚ actually #it's good to know yourself and what you like and lovingly treat yourself to it! #like similarly 'meretricious' is extremely tempting if you ignore the underlying metaphor #but. hard to. #language #and quite frankly i think people who whip out 'masturbatory' in this sneering sort of way #are leveraging‚ if we're honest with ourselves‚ a particular framing of it as a gross thing that boys do #because like. when have you ever heard a *woman's* self-indulgent art described as masturbatory #like don't get me wrong we absolutely still dismiss it! but we dismiss it in other ways #that are usually about how embarrassing her *yearning* is #and so even our sneering is reinforcing an idea that men Act whereas women Feel #anyway this was prompted by some things but i shoved it in the queue so now i forget what lol #so here you are getting some contextless thoughts on the use of 'masturbatory' as sneering dismissive assessment! #just what you were hoping for i'm sure :)

[natjennie]

something about "your anger isn't scary to me" is making me so emotional. something about as above so below, cassandra as a mirror of kristen. something about "I've been dropping the ball a lot lately" and kristen's struggles with adhd. something about teenage girls and rage and fury and justice. something about adaine's vision of ruining fallinel and the sylvaire looking for revenge. something about sadness and doubt and anger and love. something about "I choose to understand" being the absolute core theme of d20 in general. something something.

#something about kristen's adhd making her fuck things up and being mad at herself and that manifesting #as her deity being overcome with rage #something about fear and anger and shame and the inability to do better even when you're trying so hard #and something about people loving you anyway #something about 'your anger isnt scary to me' #as someone who had undiagnosed pcos in early high school and got so fucking MAD #something about adhd and how you're always failing and you have no one to blame but yourself #and how heart breaking it is to watch your life fall apart around you KNOWING you could do something #but being unable to do it right. always forgetting always slipping up #and how mad that makes you. at yourself. #this fight is so much #fhjy #d20 #dimension 20 #fantasy high

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Assisting Acquaintance Acquired.

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #wen ning #wei wuxian #Ignore how Wen Ning's hair looks here because I messed it up. Let's pretend he just sported a different hair style for a brief moment. #I am not exactly great at consistency but I am trying very hard to work on that (immediately messes up again). #Absolutely *love* how Wen Ning clearly remembers and admires WWX...who does *not* recognize him. #This is the best day for Wen Ning and it means *nothing* to WWX. A painful one-sided crush made worse. #It is bittersweet to realize that we care about someone more than they care about us. Sometime we pour love into a relationship- #-with someone who just can't reciprocate. It isn't always a conscious things either. Some people just aren't aware we care. #And painfully - so painfully - You can't make them aware. No act of kindness or gift or self sacrifice will make someone care about you. #You can martyr yourself for someone and they will continue on unchanged. #I think a lot about the parallels between WN and LWJ. Not foils - just reflections. A theme repeated. #People who give so much of themselves to someone who doesn't have the capacity to give any part of themself away. #I will die on the hill of 'Wen Ning would be the love triangle romance if that trope wasn't being avoided'. #And to be honest - thank the stars above that is the case. I do not know any good love triangles in media. #We are skipping some of the sad Jiang Cheng content because I really want to finish season 2 before May. #Sorry JC emo moment lovers...I'll deliver another time.

[slowestlap]

Post-FP2 interview with F1TV | Abu Dhabi GP, 2023

Int: We saw you quite keen at one point to get out of the pit lane and try to squeeze through Max: They have to move. I mean, they're all driving slow and I want to go out because we're all limited on time. They just keep on driving in the middle and when I try to pass they try to squeeze me in the wall, so. Yeah, bit silly.

#max verstappen #red bull racing #abu dhabi gp #myf1gifs #the annyoing thing about knowing how to gif #is that if nobody else has giffed the thing you want to see and reblog #then you gotta do it yourself before you can rest 😮‍💨 #(also never underestimate max verstappen knowing the rule book by heart and making it to work in his favor) #(also also. wHy iS hE soMad it's Fp2 aNd He'S aLreaDy woN?? #winners strive for perfection at all times #this shouldn't be such a hard concept to understand 😐) #anyway 3 sets in one day i'm going to bed now #until tmrw lads!!

[ctl-yuejie]

"It will just end how it started"

#only friends the series #only friends #ofts #neo trai #mark pakin #i am living for them #glad nick found out in ep 3 and we have now a bunch of episodes of them just making everything worse for each other #nick really worked so hard on keeping boston i want to hug him #his proud smile after jerking boston off ;A; #and he tries to voice when he is uncomfortable and at the same time already realizes that boston is very much not on the same page #and my boy is already escelating listening in on the car sex #possible intended the bug for other reasons but baby - do not put yourself through hearing the whole thing in stereo....you could already #see them from the outside #have to had it to boston: he really nearly doesn't care at all about getting seen #p'jojo getting in his tweet <3 #it is very telling that nick clearly knows who boston is but in his mind their encounters are just a tad more romantic with a focus on the #kissing they are doing and not so much the sex itself #fyi: i saved these gif files under the ship name 'tonnic'

[jasontoddenthusiastt]

The compelling thing about Jason as a character is that I never doubted that he cared about the world just because there weren’t panels of him being overly zealous about “restorative community care”

I’m not coming after anyone who wants to see that kind of stuff, but I do think seeking | that | as confirmation that Jason cares about the world is pretty narrow

#shoving an arc like that into his comics to “show he cares about people” #after having him repeatedly say things like “nothing I ever did was for good. it was all just selfish anger” in recent comics #would be the final nail in the “see! he's redeeming himself! he CAN be likable!” coffin (pathetic) #it's literally what his antis have been suggesting would make his character “so much better” #kelseethe #see also: “people would have a hard time knowing whether Jason loves them” #why did he gift Thomas' watch to Bruce all those years later + possibly even after utrh happened #why is he always silently forgiving the shitty treatment from his family almost like he wants to maintain some sort of relationship w/ them #as for “showing that he cares about the world” #the most obvious “evidence” is right there #why would he continue to fight tooth and nail to have a place in Gotham as a vigilante #both warding off and enduring harassment after harassment from Bruce while hearing the same message every time #“hey. you're doing this to yourself. you can make it all go away if you just do as I say and quit for good.” #“you'll even get to be my son again” #it’s not like he gets recognition/praise for doing what he does either unlike Bruce Dick or Tim #what could possibly be in it for him #wouldn't it be that much easier to “not give a crap about the world” on a beach in Capri instead of in the Gotham sewers every month #anyway Jason should decapitate rapists and poison more child traffickers and not cry about it five seconds after

[grapejuicegay]

i love how well 23.5 follows through with what they tell us. sun is incredibly cool. i totally get why people like her so much. alpha is alpha for a reason. i spent like 10 mins this episode with them but i get why mawin and the rest of the s-tars are friends too. and ongsa. my beloved ongsa. she's awkward and dorky. but i also get it when p'ton says she's the coolest girl he's ever dated. and when sun says she's cool. because like blossom put it "you're a timid person but you're one hell of a fighter". because the coolest part about ongsa is that she just keeps going. she'll just keep on trying, different approaches until something sticks. and it's honestly so great to see.

#ongsa my beloved actually cool loser #something something just be yourself messaging #which i feel is going to come through with the instagram stuff too #but i like the way they're going about it #they're all just vibing #and i like that they established in the very beginning that this is a new universe with new rules that ongsa is entering #where things work differently #because we know ongsa has had a hard time in school #and probably so has aylin #but they're in a universe now where people are just vibing #because that comes with the acknowledgement that not everywhere is like this #but that we exist here now so Just Go With It #and I Will. thanks #23.5 degrees #23.5 degrees series

[skunkes]

might sound weird to say as a person with a couple ocs who have Big Horrible Event(s) in their backstories or as a person who has like 3 ocs total bc he sucks at writing and as a person who hopes their ocs arent too Boring with [the thing im about to mention] but the thing about writing [characters] and [people] is that like.

any little thing a person experiences can take up their whole existence... its actually something "fun" to experience as i meet new ppl and do more things. My friend had something happen that she'll be talking about forever. I had several things happen last year that ill never stop talking about, some of which other ppl think werent that bad actually. In the same way I'll forever remember about the way my sister accidentally insulted me almost 10 years ago, it's really interesting and Fun to find and assign smaller things like that to characters...its really Real. some people's dealbreakers are other people's solvable problems etc etc

#(as well as the opposite: Big Event that maybe shocks everyone around em but they genuinely werent shaken by) #though this one is more common and leads to those ''ohh i didnt know that was normal oops'' moments #talkys #inspired by recent me and friend events #and also recent events where i told sum ppl more stuff about Thing and they responded as if it wasnt a big deal. but it was to me. #and also how i thought a part of al's childhood backstory was kind of maybe dumb and not realistically as impactful as id expect #but i saw someone on reddit almost word for word write that as their experience and how its shaped em as a person #and thats it like... the small things are boring and hard to keep track of sometimes #its not like you'll include every single little event your oc was shaped by in their bio #but idk. its like Fun to piece together for fun. to mold a human being #ykwim? wld be silly to tell everyone ''oh my oc struggles with self image due to many instances like... when their sister called em ugly'' #or write it anywhere but it is fun to Know and have in your head. and its real ! #just like if a friend told you about something that happened to em #long post #delete later #sorry i keep saying stupid obvious shit lately ive always been bad at oc making AND socializing so im learning everything late #but anyway yes. idk even as i keep making ocs that are ''similar'' its like. every person so different #people can react to anything in any way for any reason. i love people #this is why i struggle a bit with keeping ocs to archetypes i guess bc like. what is ooc for an oc. people contain contradictions all the #time. you can change yourself at any time. #ok nobody will read this far so ill go to the real insane rambling #part of this has been a part of my chats with talon while trying to get him to share more info #like. yeah ok you're 400+ years old the things that happened to you were such a comparatively small part of your life #but humans dont live as long and think about small things until they die. i dont think time would heal all wounds actually. not all of em #some thoughts just always come to gnaw at your brain. its ok to not be over things. i feel ill never be over some things #and also complainerism can be fun but thats something else entirely wee hee ^_^

[bird--egg]

False Idol

#steven universe #su #pearl #pearl su #rose quartz #rose quarts su #what do you know #you've never even met her #something something knowing the worst thing about someone and loving them anyway (even when they don't love themselves) #loving them so much that you grasp them so hard you tear yourself apart #you tear them apart

[waveridden]

*slides in here* Hello hello! Mayhaps can i request a moss etho and/or arctic fox bdubs for the fanon swap :33

fox bdubs = sharp teeth do not get too close he's excitable. moss creature etho = people have probably had nightmares about him

#waveridden.art #kiwi-smug-silvalina #this was fun ty!!! #hermitcraft art #bdoubleo100 #bdoubleo fanart #ethoslab #etho fanart #you know sometimes you learn things about yourself #today i learned it's hard for me to draw fox ears/tails that do not look like sonic the hedgehog

[alsojnpie]

writhing on the ground every day without making a sound

#repostober #i typed a lot about this before #you'll just have to remember it if you can #even i can't. something something something.... look at him try so hard and it doesn't work #that's pain. #sometimes you do things you know are gonna hurt you. even though you don't have to. #is that the same thing as hurting yourself on purpose? #sometimes not giving up really is the same as hurting yourself on purpose #what makes it meaningful is your hope #and if you don't have hope anymore............ what makes it meaningful to me is that i can relate to that

[flowercrowngods]

i don't know how to be merely acquaintances when we used to be friends. or i think we used to be. i don't know how to yearn for a simple hello when you've been heaping your affection on me months ago, and i don't know how to talk to you when you won't say anything. when suddenly it's all about me. you know i have nothing to say, you know my brain is void of everything but horribleness and i cannot tell you about my day because i don't even know about my day. i cannot tell you about my day when i know you won't listen, when i know you'll apply your philosophy to my world and don't believe me when i say that everything is terrible. i don't know how to be the person you seem to think i am, or the person you want in your life. i don't know if you want anyone else in your life now that you're in love and sappy, found another recipient for your affections, leaving me empty and wounded and yearning.

you said you missed me. said it many times, while i was gone. now i'm back, have been back, and i wonder how you missed me, why you missed me, when you won't talk to me. i think you mistook missing for worrying. i think you mistook caring for a feeling of obligation. i think you like missing me more than talking to me.

and i think i can't breathe with how much that hurts

#how do you miss me when you won't talk to me? how do you like me so much and then go to just. not? #how did i let you in when i try so hard not to let people do that because i know that once they get past the walls all i'll be left with #is the idea of them rotting and withering inside me. polluting the space i create to keep myself safe. #why does everyone leave? leave in silence too. leaving behind so many questions and so many words engraved in my brain #i am so tired of *grieving* when those i grieve are still alive and well and thriving and i'm reminded that it's versions of myself #that i'm grieving instead. how do you grieve yourself? how do you not fucking fall apart over it? #just. fucking talk to me. don't make it be true that all i'll ever be is nothingness and the memory of someone you liked once #but never never never liked enough #i'm so so cold already. i'm a shell. i want to be warm again but it always leaves me so hollow and hurting #i grieve the dio who was warm. i grieve them i miss them i am so so angry that he had to leave. to hide. with no way out #i'm happy for you. i'm happy you're happy. but you're no better than anyone else and it makes me want to run away again #but i have nowhere else to run and no one else to be. and it's so fucked that it doesn't matter who i am i'll never be enough #for someone to just. stay. to see me and to stay. to hear me and to sit and listen and just. just fucking stay. #maybe i'm not worth staying for. maybe there's nothing to know nothing to hear nothing to see nothing to listen to nothing to find #maybe all i'll ever get is one/two good months paid for with a lifetime of grief. and i'm at the point where i don't want the good months #anymore with you or anyone else who tears down these walls with affection that is so endlessly addictive and leaves me yearning. #on the off chance that it will keep the grief away too. but that's the thing about grief isn't it? it's here to stay. unlike you #god this is so fucked up and i'll delete this later but for now i just need to. let it out. poe said i should make a side blog for the grie #but poe's not there anymore. poe has stopped starting fires. so this goes on main until shame makes me take it down #blah #personal #not st

[mister13eyond]

talking to a friend about getting back into art and i think the #1 most important piece of art advice i could ever get or give is just "figure out what is FUN to you"

like i think there is sooooo much emphasis on how to build SKILL in art but a lot of it really treats art like a job or like video game grinding, like it's this thankless job that you have to work at in order to reach a Threshold and i know it's not EASY to make yourself have fun but like

imo a solid 70% of the reason i create art is because the Act of Drawing is fun to me. it's fun problem-solving and planning and putting down lines and playing with colors and tools. it's fun to depict little scenes in my head or to create outfits or to find ways to fill the canvas. never forget that creating can be fun. sometimes it's hard and sometimes you have to battle through your own blockades to get there but the ultimate goal should always be to ENJOY it, to find what you enjoy doing and then do it forever. improvement will follow enjoyment.

i think especially with all the debate about ML image generation it's more important than ever to embrace FUN. if you're only focused on the end result it's so easy to get in your own head- to think about what doesn't look good or what skills you don't have yet or to compare yourself to other artists. but photography didn't kill the art of drawing and AI won't either because, simply put, there will always be people who want to do the physical act of making art because it's fun to do! using paints and markers, splashing colors around, doing shitty pen doodles, using the symmetry tool in your art program to do abstract mandalas that are just squiggles formed into patterns. do art like you're 5 and you've been handed markers to pass the time. do art like you're bored in class and you're keeping your brain entertained by drawing stick figure comics in the margins. do art like an absent thing, do art because it satisfies your brain. the goal is not to make something beautiful and perfect, the goal is to make something because your hands need to make and your body needs to make.

#i know and love so many people who have intense anxiety about their ability to create art and who are so hard on themselves about the result #and i think that's a REALLY easy thing to feel because creating is also vulnerable & physically difficult and there is SOOOO much to master #but i think for me the people who churn out 300 colored pencil front facing hands behind their backs oc doodles on lined notebook paper- #are the ones with the right idea. they're the ones i aspire to be like #i'm not saying i never struggle either bc tbh #as someone with depression and adhd there are times where the Act of Having Fun is simply not possible #sometimes i CAN'T enjoy things because my ability to feel joy is locked behind a barrier of my mental illness #so i don't think it's an Easy thing to do by far and I don't think you can just Magically Make Yourself Happy And Having Fun #but i DO think that experimenting in a low-stakes low-pressure manner until you find something that clicks in your brain helps #doing things for the sake of doing them is the only way to figure out which ones WILL be fun to you #not all of them will. some things will feel like a slog #but i think you have to look for the passion before you're able to face the slog #if you jump right into the parts that are Hard and Challenge Your Limits it's easy to spin your wheels and get stuck #but if you focus on the super small stakes and the things that are thoughtless and focused more on Sensation- #the sensory experience of mixing paint or the scratch of pencil on paper or the smooth way a specific pen makes lines- #then you can lose yourself in the physical aspect of it FIRST #and then once you've started really ENJOYING those sensations you can start learning new ways to use them #because now you have the drive to want to do more #now you have the desire to find new ways to apply this thing you like doing #long post #even longer tags #art #drawing #artists #art advice

[lee-hakhyun]

from an outside perspective it’s really feeling like they’re emphasising kim dokja’s status as an eldritch god. like,,, you don’t feel it through orv because kim dokja himself has just enough knowledge from reading twsa to navigate, and on his own you can really tell how human he actually is, but. take things from a distanced perspective, and suddenly. suddenly, it’s azathoth and the outer gods of lovecraftian lore, played completely straight. i’ve heard enough people compare azathoth and kdj that i think i can say this much

you wanna know something i’ve thought about a lot regarding kdj and the oldest dream? about yjh becoming a terrorist, and how kimcom willingly went back into the fray, how they returned to the previous timeline - and how some people couldn’t comprehend their choices at first? it makes me think of that old trope of ‘going mad from the revelation’, how some people say that gazing upon this otherworldly being’s true form or ‘learning the truth of the world’ would surely make someone go mad.

go mad with what, though? insanity? or grief? because so, so often, one’s pain is incomprehensible to outsiders, and fail to understand how or why you lash out or break down. it’s a depressing pattern in real life, too. kdj goes mad with grief and self-hatred, learning the truth; kimcom take on the insane route of going through the apocalypse again just to reach the end; yjh is unable to heal, to cope with a world without the scenarios and without his companion to bear through it, and so he fights over the replica of the arc. from an outsider’s perspective, without the understanding that the people involved are all brokenhearted over truths only they know, it might come off as insanity. but it’s all just grief.

with that said, however, to have someone jung heewon KNEW, cruel as he was, replaced by someone from a world beyond - and to start singing the praise of someone else’s name? to say ‘i need to find them?’ how all of them look to one name that outsiders simply DO NOT KNOW, to hail this unknown person as important, as an idol, as… as a god…

the 41st turn before their version of shin yoosung travelled to the other worldlines is a forgotten story, and by orv logic forgotten stories are outer gods. in lovecraftian lore, the outer gods sought to wake the blind idiot god azathoth, who in orv is represented by kdj dreaming for ‘eternity’. also, the Outer Gods of orv (the one actually being called as such right now) see the side story - which is the ‘forgotten’ 41st turn, now being written in where once it was not - as their chance to finally be written on the wall. so it’s. it’s. this is just singshong taking their lovecraftian elements to their logical extreme

interestingly, however, kdj isn’t the only reader anymore, is he? orv places a lot of emphasis on communication and writing on the wall, but in the side story it could perhaps be interpreted as ‘trying to be read by one person in particular’. and then the readers that die are labelled as ‘kdj33’ or ‘kdj47’, reducing them to being ‘just a part’, but… they’re all different people. they’re all people who took in kdj’s story, thus his story becomes a part of their own - but only a part. i’ve said that before, but.

well, you can’t force your own narrative on to someone else.

han sooyoung tried that, actually, didn’t she? tried to get kdj back through ending the story early only to realize the hurt she was causing and backing off. you can’t always reach people in the way you want. that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t stop trying, but there’s also a point where you need to recede, to compromise. am i making sense? i have no idea where singnshong is taking this story, but i’m looking at hsy with lee hakhyun and ceokdj with the readers turned kdj fragments and the outer gods wanting their story written on the wall and. i feel like i’m starting to see a pattern. i could also be hallucinating, but i could also not be. i offer this for your consideration

okay i put this aside for a bit but yes. oh my god. eldritch kdj.. i had not heard about this before, but that's so interesting thinking about it through that lens. and in the side story, hsy forcing the memories of orv on jhw to try to break her.. the explict mentioning of han sooyoung being seen as a 'god' in that moment...

--

fun fact, if you don't remember! lovecraftian horrors are also mentioned as outer gods in orv

chapter 179. when talking with the devourer of dreams, kdj mentioned these modifiers

the fear of sarnath - bokrug

horror from the hills - chaugnar faugn

master of r'lyeh - cthulhu

--

now, adding my own thoughts - the pattern is identity. stories.

there's something wrong with everything in this turn.

the kkomas were cute. until it was revealed that they were dead readers. though.. is that not also kind of what the yoo joonghyuk kkomas are? they may have all been yoo joonghyuk, but their lives in that turn were their own. <- however. the difference here is that while the yjh kkomas were all 'yoo joonghyuk' these kdj kkomas were NOT. they all had their own lives before being brought to wos, and upon being killed and placed in the theater.. they lost themselves.. which is terrifying to think about. you die, and you're brought back to watch your companions go on without you, but you're not yourself anymore. you're kim dokja, who wants to continue watching the stories on the screen.

the transmigrated readers. until the latest chapters, we hadn't been shown the real effect of the readers possessing characters in this world (honestly, we were led to believe that most people transmigrated into 'extras' without their own story. but that's not true, is it?). cheon inho has no one close to him as far as we know (lol), but that's not the same for others. what about the people who knew the possessed characters? lee hakhyun realizes this in the latest chapter, that maybe him and the readers coming here were an additional disaster for the people that lived here.

lee hakhyun's problems,, he's constantly going back and forth on 'lee hakhyun' and 'cheon inho', and there's clearly something wrong with the way he sees himself... we know more about him that he does currently, and if he does find out. i don't think things are going to end well.

and of course. everything about kim dokja. his name is in everyone's minds, the readers are desperate for a source of hope and he has become that to them. kim dokja is being idolized. even before the scenarios, there were those using kim dokja's story in the same way he used yjh. it's not framed as a negative, if that's what you need to do survive, then you should always do what you can to survive, no matter what. but even when you borrow stories, you need to stay yourself. you are your own person.

there's a clear connection with all of these, and it's identity. who someone is, the way they're seen, their stories. what makes you yourself? stories make up who you are, and these outer gods want their own stories written down on the wall to define themselves. rep kdj wanting the readers to forge a new story, lee hakhyun discovering stories that were never told in orv.

right now, nobody's happy. time is running out for the outer gods, the readers have unwittingly destroyed others by taking over these 'extras', kimcom are still desperately searching for their star, our dear protagonist is continuing to doubt himself. and kim dokja is still watching.

...this is orv. not everyone will get their happy ending. their goals oppose each other. we can hope for the best, but that isn't going to happen.

#word VOMIT. im not editing this sorry if it makes no sense! #THESE ANALYSES ARE ALWAYS SO GOOD AND I AM NOT A PERSON WHO THINK ABOUT THINGS TOO DEEPLY... #i cut some parts of this out (mainly about han sooyoung + the outer gods) because i couldn't word it right. but they connect with this too #<- might come back to this once i have the corresponding chapters translated. give me a day or two #i know i talk about identity so much but this is what the side story is all about #i didnt know about the lovecraftian stuff until i read it on the korean wiki for orv <- it's so much more detailed than the eng one lol #ask #orv #orv side story #orv spoilers #lee hakhyun #somewhat related? but i realized part of why i related with lhh so hard #it's the trans experience #living a life that might not be the worst‚ but you're not truly yourself. feeling like you're living someone else's life‚ #responding to a name that isn't really your own. #anyway the TRANS CHEON INHO PFP IS STAYING !!

[anisohtropy]

kaveh’s really pulling the words out of my brain. this wip was supposed to be just quick practice writing kavetham before I start on my howl’s au for them, but it’s not done and it’s like 13.5k? what’s going on? how did I get here? this isn’t even a complicated wip it’s just my take on kaveh’s participation in the championship event 

idk something about depressed blonde man is making my brain go whrrr and kick out bangers like “guilt is as natural to him as breathing” and “the difference between martyrdom and surrender is nothing on the scale of the universe” like who comes up with that? not anyone who isn’t still unstable from finals that’s for sure anyway I’m almost done with it so watch out

#kavetham #kavehtham #haikaveh #kaveh #alhaitham #genshin #genshin impact #and i keep dropping bangers too #i have literally no right to be going this hard for a silly wip i started to distract me from finals #kaveh is going through the ringer #i am putting him through it #but its okay because unlike hoyo i will give him a boyfriend as compensation #fellas is it gay to know someone so well you don't need words to communicate #fellas is it gay to be desperately worried about your friend leaving you so you decide to leave them first after a major argument #but you end up living together later and oh god they're in love with you and you're terrified #also you're still blaming yourself for your father's death and your therapist is a literal god #kavehs so fucked up thank god haithams functional #one day ill finally finish this thing and be happy with it #im gonna shoot everyone with my nerf gun full of angst #itll be great #someone will cry for sure