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shallyne · 29 days

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The Diary of Feyre Archeron Ch 10

Chapter ten! Last chapter before the epilogue. Enjoy!! Full fic on AO3

Words: 1.1k

June 29th

Rhys came with me to the Rainbow today. It has been nerve-wracking if I put it lightly. It took me about an hour before I even could step a foot into the artist's quarter but Rhys was there, reassuring me and giving me the time I needed. I actually wanted to do this after work but Rhys took the day off for us both and we walked to the Rainbow. In my quest to ignore it the past years I never realized how close the quarter was to the lounge.

After I managed to actually walk into the Rainbow (I gripped Rhys's hand the whole time like my life depended on it) I got that sudden feeling of nostalgia. Seeing people carrying canvases and paints, even the street musicians who were in their element. It was such a weird mix of emotions, on one side I wanted to bolt in the other I felt at home there, like I belonged. I teared up just standing there, probably looking like an idiot, but Rhys wiped my tears away with the hand I wasn't squeezing.

We even ate lunch there, right beside a gallery. I haven't gone into the gallery but Rhys and I agreed that this would be the next step, for the next time.

I'm actually excited! It's so strange, tho. Having all these different emotions.

July 12th

Tonight I had the first nightmare that I was alone to deal with. Rhys had to work longer and Elain and Nesta were on a double date with Azriel and Cassian. They invited me, too, but I was so exhausted after therapy that I just fell into bed right after dinner. I assume that's also why I had nightmares again, a lot has come up. I wish someone had been there but I managed, somehow. I didn't throw up and I, fortunately, didn't have a panic attack either. That's good, it's something to celebrate. I really don't know if I should tell Rhys, though, because I know he's going to feel bad for not being there and I don't want him to feel bad. I have to do this alone, it was bound to happen sooner or later. I don't know, I'll think about it. He's not in his office later when I work, so there is enough time to debate this until I meet him in the afternoon.

Also, I've bought a new dress. It's not like the others I took from home, this one is much more revealing. Mom would hate it, so I know it's great. Rhys will love it.

July 13th

I couldn't even say hello before he asked me if I had nightmares again? Is it that obvious??

But, okay, but that's not what I'm going to write about today. Something happened. Something GREAT!!! Rhys and I had sex last night. For the first time. And the second. And the third. Okay, a lot of times and it was amazing. It was the best sex I ever had. Not that I'm surprised but also I'm a little surprised because I didn't expect that. It was like something you'd read in Nesta's smutty books. I can't stop thinking about it. About Rhys and the last night and well, that's bad because we will have a barbecue tonight with the whole family (Nesta, Elain, Mor, Cassian, Azriel, Rhys's mother and sister, Rhys and me) and apparently you can read all my emotions on my face. Fuck, I have to work on that. I will! I'll try while getting ready. I'm still at Rhys's place but he already had a dress ready for me so I won't have to stress about that. (not in a controlling way like, his mother made that dress. She's a seamstress and I feel really honored to wear her dress but nobody would blink an eye either if I would turn up in pajamas)

I feel like I'm walking on clouds! It's surreal. If someone told my 16 year old self that I am where I am now she would laugh. She wouldn't believe it at all. I barely can.

December 15th

A decision was made!

I'm quitting my job at Rhys's lounge and going to art school. I started painting again around august and I just can't stop. There is so much that I have to tell, to get out. Rhys and I spent a whole night talking about the future weeks ago and the decision was a hard one to make but I made it. I'm going to art school. I'm living my dream, the thing I've worked towards my whole life until we had to leave my hometown. It's happening and I made the decision all alone. Without Rhys (although I've talked his ear off about the pros and cons), without Nesta or Elain, without my therapist. It was my decision! Isn't this exciting? I'm standing on my own two feet again. Baby steps evolved into quite big steps. I can't say how light I feel these days. I can paint it but words can't even begin to describe my feelings. I still have rough patches, especially now that it nears one year since my abduction but I'll get through this. I'm not alone. I'm not there anymore, I am safe now. And I am going to art school! Oh my god!

No words left, just happy.

January 1st

If you like a thing you should put a ring on it!

Okay, well, that's not the exact lyrics. I had to modify it a tiny little bit to fit my situation. Our situation. Rhys and my situation. Well, happy new year! I'm engaged! We are engaged! There will be a wedding. Between me and Rhys. Rhys and I. Engaged. Soon to be married. I'd say I believe I'm dreaming but I am not, I am looking at the ring as we speak. It's a family heirloom, Rhys told me. It's been through generations. The ring is also SO beautiful. It's a sapphire and in is etched with a six pointed star. The band of the ring is twisted of silver and gold. Never in my life have I seen something that beautiful. Sometimes, when the light falls in it in the right way, it looks like there is a star inside the stone.

Which actually brings me to the proposal. It wasn't something big, it was just me and Rhys and we went stargazing. I tried to find a constellation he had pointed at and when I turned around he was on his knee (his bad one, I basically had to pull him up), asking me to become his wife. Of course I cried. Nothing could beat this proposal.

It's Rhys and me. For the rest of our lives.

I'm thanking the stars everyday

Feysand Taglist:

@captain-of-the-gwynriel-ship @starfall-spirit @rhysiedarling @corcracrow @sydney-fae25 @tothestarsandwhateverend @aayo-whatt @dreamlandreader

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urlocallesbiab · 1 year

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ok folks, inspired by This Post (thank you for inspiration and ideas, @agent-p-94/@generalized-incompetence!), i present to you:

brotzly fake dating couple's therapy au; in the form of tumblr messages/a campfire story/an unwitten fic rundown

me: the thing is, they'd PASS

within 10 minutes of knowing each other they'd get so PISSED OFF it'd fill up an entire therapy session

just "YOU NEVER SHUT UP" and "YOU NEVER LISTEN TO ME" and "I'VE NEVER MET A DUMBER PERSON" and "I'M SICK TO DEATH OF YOU CRITIQUING MY MUSIC TASTE" and "YOUR DRIVING SKILLS ARE GOING TO GET US KILLED I SWEAR TO GOD" nonstop rapid-fire with therapist barely able to squeeze a "gentlemen, please!" inbetween

and then they'd stumble out of the building and LAUGH, laugh so hard they'd be clinging to each other near falling to the ground, todd croaking that this is the best stress-release activity he'd done in YEARS, dirk clutching his stomach and crying and highlighting the best of todd insults

both would admit this is the BEST first date ever and schedule the next therapy session

every time they'd spend like 10-30 minutes getting to know each other better, and then full 45 just kvetching, sometimes just YELLING at the top of their lungs to their hearts' delight at the therapist office

agent: The best of Todd insults!!! Omg

They just argue nonstop anyway it's just a space to do that

me: and one day dirk would bring in rings, just plain metal ones (but no one has to know), justify that well, if this is a marriage ruse we might as well up our game, right? but he'd be weirdly skittish and self-conscious about it, like he's overstepping an invisible boundary; but todd would be *down* for it — he would be down for most of dirk's stupid bullshit, it's been so long since he's done any proper good shenanigans, since his life was even half this fun!

and then he'd try on the ring and laugh again because it *doesn't fit*, and dirk would get half-jokingly defensive that he didn't know his size!!, and todd would let him take the measuremnts (bc for what purpose would he know his own ring finger size), and dirk's breath would catch holy and uncomfortably

next time, dirk would get him a good, fitting ring, and it'd make weird things shift in his stomach

agent: OR it would be the RIGHT size, holistically

And he's like well I have to wear it now

And maybe they actually stumble upon something real in the middle of it - Dirk is going full monologue about the dishwasher and he says something and todd stops yelling back and looks unusually affected and is like wait...really? And then they just stare at each other for a minute and Todd is like ...I never knew that. And then they stare some more. And then the therapist is like ummm our time is up? I'm just gonna... Go? And then they're really quiet on the drive home but the next morning they have a new understanding

me: DIRK LETTING HIS TRAUMA PEEK THROUGH AND TODD ACCEPTING IT WHOLEHEARTEDLY

it's silent the whole ride, but just before he drops dirk off (dirk had been BANNED from the wheel since their first date/session) he goes "so, this..... [dryly, as not to disturb, sums up dirk's thing] it's real?"

dirk, usually so talkative, just helplessly shrugs, then shakes his head at himself, then somberly nods a few times, confirming that yes.

todd puts a hand on his knee and goes "dude. this is messed up. i'm so sorry."

dirk just nods some more, tearing up, because even though the words are simple, he's never heard anyone say them, never dared to share, and it hits him so deeply and painfully to be finally validated

he stumbles home, and cries for the whole evening, and feels lighter than usual afterwards

agent: The tragicomedy of falling in love with your own husband...........

me: i think for WORST results they agree it's just a fun platonic thing for shits and giggles before they meet up for the first time

and like, in the therapist's office they're this TERRIBLE couple who HATES each other, and outside of it they're just two guys being dudes, and romance, even fake, exists only in glimpses and doorways, and when the pit of longing opens, there's utterly nothing to stuff in it but stolen glances.

farah is the same therapist's normal patient with actual mental health issues she's trying to work through, and when they meet her in the waiting lobby for the first time they UTTERLY FAIL to convince her that their shtick is real, so they resort to *begging* her not to sell them out, and even though she's really on the fence about the whole thing and is unsure if it's morally okay to do, she gives in to dirk's Professional Puppy Eyes

after a while she gets unashamedly invested and demands they fill her in on the newest lies

maybe in one of dirk's bluffs/"attempts to hone the backstory" he invites himself to todd's apartment to better learn his habits and where he lacks in his homesteading

("well, when do i get to learn what chores do *you* fuck up?" todd asks playfully

"oh, just all of them!" dirk answers nonchalantly

in truth, he just doesn't want todd to see his barely lived-in, depressinly dirty short-term rented apartment. in the time dirk's been here, this city hasn't started feeling any more like a home.

in truth, dirk posted that stupid craigslist ad on his first week here, drunk and lonely and in mood for hijinks and out of his mind desperate for human connection; todd was actually looking for some simple one-off jobs to earn some quick buck, but couldn't resist a Stupid Idea when it dangled itself in his face)

todd gives him a quick tour, dirk half-heartedly criticizes the 3 dirty dishes in the sink and the mildly overflowing laundry hamper, and then for most of the evening they drink beer and play card games with todd's trusty ratty 10 years old deck that misses a jocker and a two of hearts (they decide to forgo the twos altogether) but overall is fine, dirk teaches him a couple of weird local games he'd picked up over the years, then tries to do card tricks but gets half of them wrong, they laugh a lot, todd makes grilled cheese, dirk says that if they ever feel the need to add a dash of appreciation into their sessions — just for some contrast and zest — then he'll admit that he *adores* todd's cooking, todd smiles bashfully and says man that's just some grilled cheese it's not that big of a deal

they pass out on the couch together, and dirk wakes up with a sore neck, sour mouth, and entangled limbs, and feels so at peace and right, and doesn't move, wishes for todd to sleep for longer, just so they could stay like this

then they find out todd doesnt have a spare toothbrush, so dirk has to make do with some gum while todd apologizes profusely

todd's got a shift in the late morning, so they do an awkward half-hug with back-patting, and dirk leaves

when dirk's getting himself a late breakfast at the corner store, he almost buys himself a toothbrush to keep in todd's apartment; then discards the thought; then buys it anyway, but tells himself it's a spare one for his own home, for when he'll need to throw the old one out. he never brings up the toothbrush thing around todd.

also he thinks it's a shame he couldn't brush his teeth, because then he could've kissed todd without worrying about bad breath; he discards that thought even quicker and farther

during one of the sessions, todd accidentaly makes a comment that actually gets to dirk, that makes him feel self-conscious and inadequate and upset

after they've done for the day, dirk asks if this is how todd *really* feels about him?.. todd says no, of course not! all of this is in good fun, just a friendly yelling match. he'd never say *anything* with an actual intention to hurt dirk; now that dirk brought that comment up, todd's never going to repeat it

"you seem like a good guy, you know? i genuinely like you," todd says

dirk feels very very warm

and maybe they sometimes spend time after the sessions too, and sometimes even on free days, just hanging out, relaxed and having fun, enjoying the company

and maybe one day it goes a little too well, and dirk gets a little too brave, and admits to todd that he's started feeling some kind of romantic interest, and asks if he would maybe like an actual date some other time

todd snaps at him.

tells dirk that he's only seen glimpses of todd, that these joke-sessions and little hang-outs show almost nothing of the real him, that he's a *mess*, that dirk doesn't know what he's getting himself into and should back off, that todd's a horrible person who's not worth the trouble

dirk tries to get to him, but todd gets even more defensive, even more closed off, pushes him away, makes that awful painful comment he'd promised he wouldn't say.

they don't show up for the next session.

dirk mops by the building on the scheduled day anyway, because he dislikes his routines disrupted when it's not him doing that, and because he's got nowhere to go, and because he secretly hopes todd will come around anyway (he doesn't.)

he meets farah after her actual session: she's had a Bad one today and is distraught, and dirk suggests they get hammered together. farah thinks it's an unhealthy coping mechanism, but after all of 15 seconds of deliberating she agrees

then she cries into his shoulder about her family and expectations and failed police exams and that she's a *failure* and will never get better, and he shakes her by the shoulders and near-yells that she's AMAZING, and fuck her family, and all cops are bastards anyway! she gets affronted and mentions her brothers and father, then realizes those people Are fucking bastards, then laughs and agrees with dirk and cries some more

dirk spills his entire conundrum, start to finish, only 5 useless tangents for the length of the whole thing which is not too bad of a ratio by his own measures, and farah tells him that todd's bullshit is Bullshit, capital B! if therapy taught her *anything* is that any person is capable of change ("you don't need to change yourself though," dirk pipes up; "YEAH, IM FUCKING PERFECT!" farah answers triumphantly), that this is just stupid excuses for excuses! (yeah!) and if dirk thinks that *farah*, with All her failures and fuck-ups, is not a lost cause (of course not!), then neither is todd! (damn, you're making a point!)

they swap some more personal stories, farah almost has a lesbian crisis in front of him but decides to throw up instead, and they leave the bar mostly in good spirits

dirk sleeps all of it off, but the next morning, even though Severely Hangover, he is no less determined.

he stakes out todd's apartment building (he did drop him off the first time; and even though he doesn't remember the adress for shit after all this time, he Luckes Out [after stubbornly cruising the general area for two hours straight])

and confronts him. tells todd that their friendship has been meaningful for dirk, no matter how little todd might think of it. (todd winces. he doesn't say it, but all of this was close to his heart too; he never meant to come off like he did, save for coming clean as an asshole; he *does* care about dirk, rather unreasonably much.) that dirk doesn't ask todd to give *him* a chance, but give *himself* a chance. that no person is irredeemable.

todd is eerily quiet. he invites dirk in, makes him some tea. sits silently at the table for a few minutes. and then, it all spills out: what he'd done to his band, to his *sister*, to himself; what a true actual hopeless horrible Asshole he is. he gets almost angry halfway through, voice rising, — either at dirk or at himself, it's not clear. dirk sits it all out. tells todd that is isn't the worst it could've been. todd begins to snap at him, but bites his mouth, and just buries his head in his arms, hiding. his head is so very heavy. dirk gives him a small solemn lecture about how past perfomance is not a predictor of future results, how it's never late to just *stop* being an asshole. how he's dirk's friend, how he's been kind to him, and dirk trusts him to continue to be kind, to build his life forward. ("*kind* to you? after i'd said that [hurtful thing] — the second time, *deliberately?" todd is bitter and baffled. "i forgive you for it. that's what friends do." dirk says like it's obvious). dirk places his trust in todd. todd struggles to process all that, he just lies on the table neither crying nor breathing; dirk talks to fill up the space, and to make good use of his trust. he tells todd all about his childhood trauma, in great, visceral detail, like he's pulling his guts out; he starts crying halfway through. todd hugs him really, really hard, and doesn’t let go for a while.

todd promises he'll come clean to amanda. dirk promises he'll start looking into therapy for his cptsd. they promise to each other they're friends, best friends.

they come in for the last fake-session with that therapist, just to tie a pretty bow on this whole thing: to tell them they're finally getting divorced, and will not require their services anymore. poor person breaks with an actual heavy sigh of *relief*.

dirk starts seeing a new therapist — not this one, thankfully; farah recommends him an old one she used to work with. she couldn't quite find a good rhythm with him, but she thinks he might be a nice match for dirk. he ends up being exactly that.

todd isn't yet ready for therapy, and dirk is accepting of that. amanda's not talking to him anymore, and he's *not* taking it in stride, but he's holding up as best as he can, and dirk holds his hand through it.

they do have an Actual Date with Romantic Intenstions — it goes remarkably well, even though they bicker for half the duration of it. it's all in good fun <3

they don't wear the rings anymore, but keep them as a memento; both feel weirdly sentimental about them. dirk does finally buy a new toothbrush for himself to keep in todd's apartment.

farah does end up having a lesbian crisis in front of her therapist, the one that todd and dirk have been torturing. poor soul.

#dghda #dirk gently's holistic detective agency (tv 2016)#dghda au #writing #vika's personal dghda tag #vikarambles #dirk gently #todd brotzman #brotzly #farah black #<- only a bit tho; but she's plot-important!#long post #I Guess #fake couple's therapy brotzly au

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xb0rder-7inex · 18 days

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TW : DV

I'm going to make a pinned post to explain again why I'm not nice to people who throw out words like "you shouldn't this" and "you should that"

Like, I'm sorry, I appreciate the sentiment, I really do, but please stfu.

I don't have the brain capacity to think about this right now but until you've been in an abusive relationship, do not ask someone why they won't leave. Don't tell me that I deserve better. Don't say anything along the lines of anything remotely similar to that. I understand that you're trying to be sympathetic and supportive, but it's actually really insensitive and triggering.

There is very much a reason why there has to be a safety plan in place and it literally takes 7-10 attempts at leaving before it's ever a success. And because it can take so long (years), some people will just stop trying.

I am not in any kind of place at all to be ready to leave and that probably means that I don't really want to and it's not because I'm trauma bonded it's because I have already lost everything I had in the midst of all this chaos and I do not have the mental or emotional capacity right now to try. I have always intended on returning to this relationship and everything needs to be done in baby steps. My first goal is just getting out of this shelter and into some kind of place that's mine and we will go from there.

There are men out there who are far more abusive than my boyfriend and in a lot of ways I'm very fortunate that he isn't worse. He isn't violent. He doesn't threaten to kill me. But he does control me in subtle ways. He does emotionally manipulate me. He does hurt me. And I hope it never gets farther than that but the truth is that you truly never fucking know. It took him five months to hit me the first time. Who's to say the next thing he does won't take five years? I hate to even say that out loud but if I'm being logical he probably will not ever change. Sometimes my biggest fear is that things will get worse and I can literally only pray that it stays the same. I can be hopeful about something better, because there's always a possibility, but enjoying the highs while they last is something I've had to accept to avoid losing myself all over again. My BPD is in remission, I'm no longer sick, and I will not let him break me. For two and a half years I struggled bad with my mental health and it made me vulnerable to literally everyone and everything and I didn't care about the savagery of any of it. Being in this relationship is partially my fault. I knew who he was when we started dating. It didn't matter. I loved being his little victim, at least I was his. The borderline part of me fucking relished in it, as long as it was me and only me for him (he used to say, "you're mine and only mine"), I let him do whatever he wanted and I romanticized everything toxic.

That being said, abuse and love can and do coexist (sometimes love can manifest in negative ways) which sounds naive but is a realistic perspective and a lot of people don't understand that abusive relationships are not at all black and white. People as individuals are almost never inherently abusive. There is a very large gray-scale image and people are complex beings who may have one or several reasons for why they behave the way that they do. I won't exploit his privacy, but my boyfriend has very deep roots that tie him to being the way that he is. Not an excuse or a justification, but behaviour is learned and hurt people hurt people (Btw, having been going through extensive therapy for this whole thing, true narcissists and sociopaths are actually quite rare - most people just naturally have a wide range of toxic traits, ie: generational trauma). We still have a lot of really beautiful times together too and our ups are very typical and those are things that I'm likely going to post about as well. The whole point is to commemorate entire cycles and to study our patterns (yes, mine too). It's my own personal social experiment, if you will. And if he ever finds these posts it'll be a really long time of psychological hell. I don't even want to fucking know.

So, much like consoling a person during grief, there is nothing you can say. You do not and will not feel the weight of the gravity of any of it until it's on your shoulders. Everyone has a different healing journey and I'm just documenting mine. Not for an audience. For the future me, for several reasons (yin yang), and I'm sure that you can piece that together by yourself.

#actually borderline #bpd #being borderline #borderline problems #borderline things #bpd stuff #bpd problems #bpd fp #bpd vent #bpd relatable #t #tw : dv

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luciusspriggss · 1 year

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well, went on a date with okcupid guy, and it was fine, i guess. not terrible, not great.

went to the movies afterwards by myself and then went home.

talked to my roommates about it, and it was made clear, once again, that because i am autistic and very gullible, see the best in humans, and take what people say literally and don't look for hidden meanings, it his REALLY easy for me to fall into a bad relationship (which is my usual go-to, besides Jes. Jes was lovely they just became an alcoholic and lost their way).

i brought up things that he said that bothered me, but as i usually do, i tried to defend those things by trying to come up with reasons as to why he said it in the first place

and it took one of my roommates to look at me and say:

"M, you are a great person, you see the best in people. this guy sounds just like your abusive ex Nick. you deserve better than someone like that"

and yeah that's when i got it.

to be fair, the night before the date, i told my roommates that he was either a really cool genuine guy that actually wants to be a good person, or he is a piece of shit asshole who is only trying to get people to perceive him that way.

things he said that bothered me:

regarding a tree wherein someone used a chainsaw to cut a large limb, and to compensate the tree started growing new shoots vertically on the remaining un-cut limb:

"why would the tree to do that? it's so stupid"

🤔 why would you say that??? that is an evolutionary advantage that the tree is able to still grow in adverse situations??

he also had a clear favor of herbaceous flowers over trees, especially over conifers, which...why? he didn't respect trees at all, which i think is weird.

he suggested i work for a timber company because of my degree because it makes really good money

which is a weird thing to say after i explained i dont agree with modern forestry practices because it focuses on making money instead of forest health?

after i explained my love of playing sports but my inability to do them because of my asthma. which i have been trying to "train my lungs" for over twenty years in order to play or even just go on a run, i realized my asthma is bad enough that no matter how hard i try it won't work. there are varying levels of how asthma affects a person, and since around age 10, my asthma has been pretty severe (most people get over a cold in a few days, it takes me 1-2 months to be able to even breathe "normally" again when i get sick).

he told me i shouldn't give up and keep trying, because he knows some people who have asthma and yet can still play sports.

he also suggested that i do go for runs or play sports, but i bring my inhaler with me to use when i get out of breath, and then keep going on

?????? i dunno how other peoples asthma works, but if i push myself to the point of an asthma attack (which is not hard for me to do), i am out of commission for 30 minutes to 2 hours WITH a rescue inhaler. and this is after "training my lungs" for twenty years.

he also implied he was too smart for therapy and all he needs is a good friend to trauma dump to

??????????? that is a bold take my guy. there is definitely more nuance when saying something like that. i tried to talk to him about his views to understand where he was coming from, and to put it simply, it was not good.

he made note of how hard living in a world of capitalism is, so he understands why i am unable to find a job that suits me (fair, but why bring that up. he knows i am currently looking for jobs), but when i tried to explain that i am capable of doing most jobs, the problem is my being autistic in an allistic world, and never lasting more than a year at a job for a variety of reasons (which i explained to him)

he was very condescending? said everyone feels the way i do (after i said the common denominator for every job i have done is i have literally attempted suicide which has led me to quit), and implied i wasn't trying hard enough?

i kept trying to not talk about dark subjects, but it is hard when he does.

also, maybe dont shit talk your ex on a first date? i get we both still live with our exes, but i never shit talked jes? i said that our friendship is better than ever? it was difficult the past year, but we have finally reached an understanding with one another and we are happy to be friends? trying to bring some positivity and optimism to the dark conversation, but nooooo

had to compare my struggles with unemployment to his ex's?? shit talk her in the process? which sort of shit talked me in a way?

what a fucking asshole

also, he asked me to join in the fun of the sport he competes in. never specifying how i could take part of the sport (this was after the date and through text).

A) he completely ignored my discussion about my struggles with asthma

B) he ignored A, as well as my discussion about inequality, sexism, and homophobia in sports that deterred me from doing sports

C) he meant i just come and watch? like a groupie or something? i dunno if this is what he meant but i don't like it either.

overall, yeah this seems super obvious, we are incompatible

but do you know how hard it is for ME to see these red flags??? i was willing to go on another date, but my roommates were the ones who told me it would be a bad idea. and i agree with them, now that they laid things out clearly.

there are even more red flags i just don't want to bring up, because it is really embarrassing that i didnt see them

but, i just don't get it. i have said all the red flags, but the green flags were pretty great.

he's a highschool chem teacher and loves teaching kids, he has a passion for botany (just not trees? he also confidently mis-identified a shrub which i dunno if he was trying to impress me or something, but he didn't believe me when i told him he was wrong), has a similar sense of humor as me, loves going to the botanical gardens, loves going to the river, understands tumblr to a certain degree, enjoys ted lasso and our flag means death (although he doesn't see the point in rewatching shows? to each their own), i dunno i guess i am realizing their were actually not that many green flags.

:/ ah well. live and learn.

#m rambles #i would rather see the good in people #it is just hard to do that when i am unable to tell if a person will be good as potential partner/friend

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aylinaliens · 10 months

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🍄 [AUGUST] || CURRENTLY WATCHING

🏳️‍🌈🍿Low Frequency (4/8) IQIYI — completely in love with this silly little bl about a shameless ghost in a coma i’m not at all afraid that it’s going to break my heart like he’s coming to me the editing is wonky but it has a lot of heart

🏳️‍🌈🍿Hidden Agenda (4/10) YOUTUBE — very surprised i’m not super invested in this but i’m chalking it up to just not being in the mood for bl’s set in uni. i’m sure that as more eps air i’ll get more into it

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Laws of Attraction (3/8) IQIYI — recently picked this up so i’m still trying to catch up but sicjwjjdjdjd you know :)

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Wedding Plan (3/7) IQIYI — originally started this for the lita cameos but stayed for the silly characters & adorable lesbians

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Be Mine Superstar (5/12) VIKI — not sure how to feel about this if i’m being honest but i am enjoying it!

🏳️‍🌈🍿Jack O’Frost (3/6) VIKI — the angst and visuals has me 🤤

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Step by Step (3/12) VIKI — binging this super slowly for no other reason beside the fact that i have a short attention span. jengpat already has me by the throat

🏳️‍🌈🍿Jun & Jun (2/8) VIKI —for some reason this is giving our dating sims vibes (which is on my list for my top five BL of the year) so i love this already

🍄 REWATCHING

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Love in the Air (5/13) — first time i didn’t love this but the second time?? absolutely feral over phayurain & prapaisky

🏳️‍🌈🍿 The Untamed (32/50) — who needs therapy when wangxian exists cql brainrot is never going away just saying

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Not Me (10/14) — i need to see offgun on my screen every few months and seanwhite is just so angsty/sweet

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Kinnporsche (5/14) — i’ll be honest i’m mainly doing a kimchay cut during this rewatch because they make me !!!!!!!!

🏳️‍🌈🍿 2gether the Series (8/13) — i was feeling nostalgic so i decided to revisit my favorite boys

🏳️‍🌈🍿 The Shipper (8/12) was this drama a fever dream? yes. did i get queerbaited multiple times? yup!! do i understand the weird (pseudo) incest plot line between ohm & first’s character? no?? and yet here i am still vibing away knowing that i’ll regret rewatching this soon

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Heaven’s Official Blessing (6/13) hualian makes my brain go brrrrrrrrrrrr ❤️

🍄 STARTING SOON

🏳️‍🌈🍿 A Boss & a Babe (12 eps) — i’m finally going to sit down and binge because i need to understand the forcebook brainrot before only friends come out

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Vice Versa (12 eps) — i need someone to bully me into watching this. it has everything i love and yet i still haven’t gotten around to starting it

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Minato Shouji Coin Laundry (12 eps) — i am completely baited by all the lovely gifs for season 2 on my dash so i’m so excited to start this!!

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Mysterious Lotus Casebook (40 eps) — 👀 again i was gif baited into wanting to start this

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Sing My Crush (8 eps) — kbl are a hit and miss but this looks adorable!!

🏳️‍🌈🍿 Stay with Me (24 eps) — never watched addicted heroin or read the danmei this is based on but it looks like a hot mess and i, for one, occasionally love my bls with a heavy serving of disaster

#will be periodically updating this list as the month goes on #hopefully this will make me actually keep up w/ everything and not fall weeks behind again 😭#watchlist #bl watchlist #low frequency the series #hidden agenda the series #laws of attraction the series #wedding plan the series #be mine superstar #jack o’frost #step by step the series #jun & jun #pinned*

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washipink · 1 year

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The Rain Review Year 4 (2014)

Welcome back to the Rain Review! This time, we’re tackling the comic’s fourth year. It spans Chapter 19: Vincent’s Story all the way through Chapter 23: The Flaherty Siblings.

This one’s the last full year of the comic’s run that I was round for. In Year 5, we’ll get into all new territory. For now, here’s another recap-style post.

Summary

Vincent’s Story is a chapter that I can summarize fairly quickly. Rain’s therapist is actually Aunt Fara’s ex. Fara’s family, particularly her brother-in-law, was not approving at all. Vince ended up disappearing on Fara because he didn’t want her to be troubled with the backlash. In hindsight, he knows this wasn’t the best play because he’s worried Fara big time. Anyway, Jessica and Rain conspire to get them talking again.

Next Chapter!

Aiken is rooming with his twin sister Kellen now. They talk about Rain and it turns out that Aiken is... actually trying to get it. Kellen still doesn’t understand or approve of her sister’s life.

Emily goes to hang out with Rain for a “Quiet Weekend” where they share another cute chat. Ky comes over and Emily gives her a word to put to her gender feels. Also, Emily shares with Ky that she’s pregnant. And pansexual also. Yes, they do make THAT joke, but it was 2014.

Gavin’s date is going really well. Like, he hits it the hell off with Ana.

Also, I usually don’t talk about any of the bonus art or the Rain Delay filler comics in these posts, but I NEED to call attention to the fact that I got Attack On Titan Jumpscared going into the next chapter.

No, no, it’s fine... it was 2014. We didn’t know. Everyone was talking about i- OH COME ON.

It truly was a different time, folks. It was almost 10 years ago...

In news that’s positive to me but probably still negative for everyone else there was also a Danganronpa filler art. Not to derail too hard, but most of these cosplay choices are banger. Except, Gavin is clearly Togami because there just wasn’t another guy that wasn’t annoying. If I believed the fandom perception of that character instead of the actual text of the game, I’d say he should be Mondo.

Anyway, back to the STORY!!!

Brother Arthur tells Chanel and Maria to tone it the hell down before they get caught, but goes out of his way to NOT give them detention for it. This leads directly into the two of them making plans for a Valentine’s Day date in which Chanel treats Maria to dinner.

Maria decides to talk to Rain about Emily. She explains that she eavesdropped on Rain and wanted to know if Emily was pregnant for real. You see, they dated in Freshman year and things ended ROUGH, which is why Maria has such a grudge against Emily.

School ends and Rain and Fara leave for therapy. In this scene, Fara kind of explains Rain’s character development to her. Were I Cinemasins, I’d be like, “Erm, that’s bad writing.”

BUT, I’m not Cinemasins and I acknowledge that Rain is the kind of girl that NEEDS someone to tell her that shit. She won’t give herself any credit without it.

This scene is one of the ones that makes me think about how even as I grow up, I see myself in Rain. She’s So Concerned About Her Friends all the time. She doesn’t give herself enough credit for all the good shit she does. She’s constantly fighting back negative self talk. And yet, she continues on anyway. I love Rain. She’s kind of the prototypical trans woman of the 2010s, but in some ways that makes her easy to relate to.

In the next chapter, Collin tries to patch things up with Fara by actually going through with getting Rain her con tickets. More on that later.

In the mean time, Fara and Vincent meet once again and at least try to patch things up. They’re not dating again, but they do end up on pretty good terms by the end of the night.

I don’t know how involved Vincent will be going forward though. He fills Rain an HRT prescription and says he’ll set her up with one of his co-workers because he’s too personally involved considering his ex-girlfriend is her aunt.

Ky, Gavin and Rudy end up hanging out because they’re all single on Valentine’s Day. Which is fine and dandy until Ky spills The Beans.

We return to Rain after her therapy session. She’s so excited to share the news... but all the friends that know her deal are busy. So she decides it’s time to tell Emily the truth. The emotional height of the entire year follows from this point to the end of Chapter 22. There are 4 different scenes overlapping, but I want to talk about them one at a time.

Emily is... really positive about it. She says she thinks she may have figured it out, but she elected to let Rain come to her when/if she decided to.

There’s a fun thing Samara does with the art in this section is playing with the distance between Rain and Emily. When the conversation starts, it’s clear that they’re in two separate locations on the phone. Emily is in her house, the blue background. Rain is in the therapists’ office, a green background. After Rain tells Emily her secret and Emily accepts her wholeheartedly, the lines start to get a little blurrier. Eventually, They’ve pulled their phones away from their faces and are standing face to face in a panel with a gradient background between their two locations. They get closer as the conversation goes on. so close that it feels like one of them could reach out to hug the other.

This was a really fun way to play with the comic’s... shall we say “lack” of backgrounds?

Now that Rain has gotten everything off her chest, she gets an idea. Remember those tickets I was telling you about? Well, Rain decided she could invite Emily to go to the con with her. But what about the other 2 tickets? THOSE are for Kellen and Aiken.

Meanwhile, at Jessica’s job, a familiar face walks right on in. That’s right, Jessica and Chase are going to go on a DATE. And that’s TERRIBLE for Jessica. Holy shit. Once again, more on this LATER.

The other really important plot line from this chapter to me is the resolution of Chanel and Maria’s date. When the night is winding down, Maria says something I’ve felt personally. She doesn’t want to go home. For once, she’s actually happy because she’s unabashedly spending time with someone she loves. In her house, all she’s got on her side is Rudy. They’re both miserable there.

If you’re a queer person with a shitty family and you’ve EVER been out of the house with your friends, I’m sure you’ve felt this one. The feeling that everything in your life is good... until you go home. Once again, I think this comic’s strong suit is exploring situations that are familiar to experienced queer readers and can be lessons to younger readers. This one hit me in the heart for sure.

Also, Randy and Ky meet again and they decide that they can give each other a shot.That’s cute.

Now, the final twist of Chapter 22: Anastacia! How many trans people are in this comic? One more than you thought before!

The final chapter of the night is “The Flaherty Siblings”.

Rain and Fara go to pick up the con tickets from Collin, who is being a lot more polite than Fara last described him. If you’ll look back, Fara broke up with Collin off screen. We don’t know what exactly he said to her until now, except that it PROBABLY involved Rain. Collin presents Rain with her tickets and Rain decides that Fara should give him another chance. So, in the future, we’ll be seeing a little more of him.

The day before Rain and Emily leave for Kellen’s house, Rain does some introspection. She finally admits to herself what we’ve probably all been thinking: She is in love with Emily. She is in love with Emily but is scared to say anything about it because they’ve got a lot on their plates and also they call each other Sis all the time, so she thinks it’d be weird.

The day finally arrives and Fara drops Rain and Emily off with her other niece. Things do not start well, but there’s an unexpected MVP in this scene. AIKEN is the one to reach out to Rain and tell her to give Kellen a chance.

I’m starting to care for Aiken as a character a lot. He’s Literally Trying. He’s putting more effort into things than my own family ever has. He always calls her by her name and almost always gets her pronouns right. He’s clearly making an attempt and he deserves credit for it.

Kellen, on the other hand, is like, MY MOM tier transphobic. She assumes that Emily is ALSO trans and directly refers to Rain as “Not a real girl” multiple times this weekend.

Emily is Rain’s number 1 shooter this weekend. Like, she does NOT let Kellen miss a goddamn beat.

My favorite Emily clap-back is this one below:

We cut to Jessica, who finds out what Chase’s deal is and is PISSED about it. I’m pretty sure things between them are over as quick as they started. I mean, dude admitted to dating a high schooler on the FIRST DATE.

Meanwhile, Kellen continues to be a fucking problem and bring up stuff that was actually just Rain’s Childhood Dysphoria. Then, Rain goes to sleep that night and has a trauma nightmare about her father. Again, I relate. I’ve been there.

Emily is once again The Best Person for Rain’s sake.

and that brings us to the end of Year 4.

Final Thoughts

Another year, another group of really emotionally fulfilling scenes. Holy shit. It’s crazy to me how consistently quality Rain’s character writing can be. It definitely helps that it draws from real life experience. Everyone in this comic feels like someone I have known or could know.

Rain is nothing if not consistent, honestly. That’s a blessing and a curse. The writing is always just right but the art style never leaves the way it always has been. Samara tries new things in this batch of chapters, though. More shot feature furniture and background details than in previous years and that one scene with the gradient background worked really well!

I look forward to seeing where Rain goes from here. Join me next time for year 5, 2015!

#Rain Webcomic #Rain the Comic #Rain LGBT #Amy's Rain Review #jocelyn samara d

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lesmond-sycamore · 1 year

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okay so here's my au-meets-canon au thing but just the first au which is a grab bag of modern + age swap-ish + other stuff and not the meeting canon part yet also the alt text has explanations of the images

just some general stuff:

- the tritons were in london when the flat with clive's parents caught on fire due to faulty wiring (not due to time-travel shenanigans, thankfully) and thought he looked exactly what his then-3 year old son would look like when he got older and adopted him

- turns out clive had a lot of trauma and behavioral issues and so the tritons moved to misthallery thinking that the small, quiet town would be good for him

- it helped a lot, but he still needed like. a lot of therapy as well. most of it occurred when he was 15-17 after yelling at poor 5 year old luke.

- with the age difference of 10 years, he and luke were not the biggest fans of each other at first, but after half a year luke became his shadow and followed him EVERYWHERE. they became inseparable

- clive didn't move out until he was 22 and decided to go to college to get journalism and communications degrees. there is where he met his boyfriend/husband (who is just an oc and isn't integral to the story)

- clive then went on to work for the london times and later created an independent news website stationed in london that covers politics in the uk and other countries

- luke moved out at 19 to pursue a veterinary degree that specializes in exotic pets bc he was upset that there isn't enough support for rodents/reptiles/"ugly" pets

- luke has also been dating someone from misthallery since they were 15 (he also dated someone else before they unfortunately passed.) also not integral to the story but bonus points if you can guess who

- clark received a call from an adoption agency that his acquaintance leon bronev and his wife rachel were unfortunally victims of a break in/robbery/murder after leon tried to fight back (targent doesn't fuck around this time) while the boys were at school

- clark wanted to take them in, but realized that he wasn't fit to be a parent anymore now that his life had gotten busier as misthallery continued to grow and didn't want brenda to be forced raising 2 children for 6/12 more years as well as uproot them from london where they already had friends that would most likely be their biggest support system at the time

- clark then asked if clive was interested since he had his life together, and clive said no because of the fact he would only be able to take care of one and didn't want to separate them. besides that, he was very interested in doing so bc he had personal experience being an adopted child

- luke then suggested that he could adopt the other one and so they wouldn't be far apart (luke and clive literally in the same apartment complex, albeit on different floors) and if luke had any issues, they could go to clive and vice-versa

- they met hersh and theo and explained the situation to them so they would know what's going on. after some time of hanging out with them, the boys just kinda gravitated to the silblings (hershel gravitated to clive because of his interests in robotics and gundam and theodore gravitated to luke because of his personality and love of toy cars/trains)

- now they live in their respective apartments and visit so frequently that it's practically the same as owning 2 houses so they're always at one or the other

- clive also taught hershel about dnd bc of his interest for it after clive's group had a session at his house and now it's one of his special interests (because everyone in layton is autistic don't @ me) and although he's a stickler for the rules, he has a lot of fun with improv

- theo is like. feral as a 6 year old can be (think bluey if you watch that) as hell bc without the laytons, theo is left unchecked with his chaotic-good personality and also his audhd (again, don't @ me) especially since luke is also very much the same

uh some bonus stuff:

- luke owns 4 rats and a cat (he is a responsible owner and the rats have a room dedicated to them so don't worry)

- clive owns 2 dogs (I need suggestions because I'm not a dog person lmao)

- as pictured above, theo LOVES hot chips for some fucking reason. he also has a huge sweet tooth and fakes getting hurt to get the "magical chocolate"

- theo also plays a lot with a boy obsessed with digging stuff up in the playground and a girl who talks a lot about dr. who in ms. reinhold's class

- hersh has a friend who beats up people who bully him for being quiet and "weird," much to his displeasure about violence. despite that, he's grateful that the bullying has gone down, but it is still causing him some self-esteem issues (he hasn't told clive about it) (NOT A SHIP. I REPEAT, NOT A SHIP. /srs)

- hershel also likes wearing skirts and has a collection of medium to long skirts and is very picky about staying in the autumn colour range bc appearance is important. (that's also why he wears glasses. they're not real but he likes how they frame his face)

- luke is an anxious mess and hasn't gone to therapy like clive has and has done a pretty good job of hiding it so far (except from theo bc they live together and luke worries about him a lot), but if something absolutely crazy happens they're gonna snap (I wonder what that could be. weird.)

- uh clive uses he/him, luke uses he/they, hershel has been trying out they/them along with he/him, and theo doesn't care what people use for him because he is 6 (clive and luke are supportive (obviously), so it doesn't matter anyway) (I used he/him for herhsel and theo for simplicity here)

if anyone's interested I can talk more about it (but maybe also if no one is interested because autism go brrrr)

#professor layton #professor layton au #my art #THERE IT IS.#frick don't look #past(?) problems modern solutions #p?pms

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shall-we-go-far-away · 1 year

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just finished episodes 3 and 4 like five minutes ago so here are my thoughts right after (will probably make a new post once I've rewatched the episode to properly grasp what happened):

1. omg the tension is still sooo intense I can't

2. I would've been so thrown off if I was jihyun because why do you kiss me and then stop talking to me for the rest of the trip?? so props to him for handling it somewhat well, I really liked that jihyun's curiosity for jaewon clearly won and he approached him again instead of staying distant

3. but then again, I'm still a little confused on how they "got back together" because jaewon went from acting like they never talked before to come on, let's have a date at han river like?? what happened in between? that seemed like a really weird cut to me idk

4. staying with jihyun tho, my lovely little jihyun I love him, he's so adorable.. I love the scene when he comes into work and it literally almost looks like he's floating through the bar while mopping and smiling like an absolute fool

5. I really liked that we got a little more insight into jaewon's therapy sessions because it made things that were just assumptions before clearer to the viewer

6. Taehyung?? bro, do you not realize that your "BEST FRIEND" clearly has no interest in getting back with his ex?? he was so annoying in the first two episodes already I really hope at some point jaewon is gonna snap because damn, does he really not get it??

7. Eunji? man, I'm kinda sad Eunji is made into the jealous, mean ex-girlfriend.. maybe she's getting a redemption arc later on but right now her behavior is just not it.. hated how she was behaving in the bar, basically treating jihyun like shit I was really glad the bar owner (I love her, she's great <3) said something

8. Aeri tho, I was a little confused by her behavior at first because she was really pushy (?) but I liked that she ended up clearing things up and making sure that jihyun knew she just wants to be his friend

9. the scene in the library where jihyun was showing jaewon his drawing was sooo cute I gotta admit it must've looked weird from eunji's perspective because why is the guy that just told her to work separately now smiling like an idiot? and them enjoying their ramen at the han river? very wholesome, I have to say tho when jaewon sent jihyun to get coffee I thought he would ditch him for a second because he seemed a little off but he stayed so we're all good

10. jaewon being a little hot and cold with jihyun throughout the episodes irritated me a little at first but it made sense if we think about what he said to his therapist and it also further confirmed that most of his relationships are probably on surface level and not even his "closest friends" actually know him.. so jaewon backing off from jihyun every once in a while was probably just him being scared of letting him come too close (I think?? god, sometimes I think whatever I'm saying here goes right in the opposite direction of what's actually happening but oh well, isn't this what theories are there for?)

(idk but jaewon seems like the type of person that's like "I only hurt the people close to me, so I keep everyone at a distance") -> this really makes me curious about jaewon's and eunji's relationship and how that went because he said they dated for two years

11. I also think both of them are at a point where they know there's mutual interest between them and that they're probably gonna be more than friends considering they were about to kiss again before joon pyo came to the rooftop (I mean can we talk about jaewon's cute little smile right at the end of the episode?? the man is whipped)

#okay I think that's it..#for now!#can't quite form proper sentences but still wanted to empty whatever was stuck in my brain #really need to rewatch the episodes #the eighth sense #bl drama #kbl #korean bl #jaewon x jihyun

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master-k0hga · 5 months

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| A L Y S S A |

[ Category: Misc OCs ]

| Rebellious woman with a daredevil like attitude and will literally cause problems on purpose while having loads of fun doing so, she'll start fights and still feels like a champ even if she loses!

This is another rando OC I've had for a very long time too who's very good friends with another OC of mine (who I haven't gotten to completely re-designing yet and I seriously need to cuz I love him too) cuz she's more of like his emotional support while also trying to give him a heart attack with the crazy shit she does.

This is Alyssa, and originally she was like a 20 something year old before I re-designed her slightly a year ago, accidentally made her older than intended and stuck with it cuz it actually suits her a hell of a lot more than I thought it would... So she's like in her 50's now and I feel that works a hella lot better for her development!

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

INFO

Name: Alyssa Species: Human General Personality: Outgoing, confident, troublesome, daredevil, jokester, rough Height: 5ft "5" Relationship Status: Single

Extra Info:

(TW Miscarriage) She got married to a guy she had dated for 10 years, roughly in their early 30's. They tried for a baby, however unfortunately due to health complications of the baby's development she ended up having a miscarriage. Where it took a toll on the both of them they both heavily agreed to get a divorce and go to therapy, they keep in contact as friends now and plan to keep it that way; Alyssa has completely lost interest in relationships and such since and could explain why she has become very rebellious as she got older

She works as a waitress at a small diner up to roughly 4 to 5 days a week with average 5 hours when she's not being a menace to society; Surprisingly enough how she's still got her job after several separate occasions doing time in prison, community service and so on. In the end she's probably just a very good waitress

She's also a biker and loves bikes to hell and back, she's joins a very popular biker gang who mainly go around the city and open up soup kitchens for the homeless; Despite so much trouble, contributing to something like this makes her feel very humble and useful to some things

Loves going clubbing and will most of the time (or always) come out drunk asf; Mainly on weekends of course

She has a personal collections of all sorts of weapons; Custom made knives, tasers, nun chucks and even handcuffs she managed to steal from a police officer before making her escape via a car chase that lasted roughly and hour and 20 minutes before she got caught again. Why they never took the cuffs off of her after that is another question, assumed she must've got them off and dumped them somewhere before coming back for them eventually at some point

She has a good friend who she cares deeply for and will do anything she can to make him feel more comfortable and less anxious doing mundane activities

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

I probably have quite a few OCs in my random collection who mostly deal with a lot of traumas, issues and other problems that people deal with on a daily basis.. So I will definitely be tagging said triggers and so on in case it affects people in any way..

Of course not all of my OCs have terrible habits/issues so hoping I won't make too much of a conundrum when I post my others I have coming soon or in need or re-designing.. Ngl Besides the art I have got already, I don't really have all that much to post minus the other doodles and drawings I've done of my previously posted OCs...

I don't always draw many consistently and that sucks cuz I really wanna do more for them if I want to keep a system going on of course.. Oh well..

That's it I guess-

. Alyssa, Art © Me . DON’T RE-POST .

#MASTER-K0HGA #Ary / Kohga Chronicles #Ary / Kohga OCs and Works #Alyssa #Female #Human #OC #Misc OCs #Original Character #Fandomless #My OC #My Art #My Character #Re-post #My art re-posted #Tw miscarriage #mentions of miscarriage #tw mentions of miscarriage #tw #I don't really know how else to tag that trigger in case anybody comes across this post #But that's just about all I can do and know what to do so don't come at me even though it's just about my stupid OCs #I want her to somewhat feel like a real person and believe me she really fucking does #She's down to earth. Funny. rebellious and overall is a very good friend #And that's someone I seriously need in my life so in a sense every OC is like #Something I really want or need to feel comfort in my life.. I seriously wish all my OCs were real tbh #Even if they can be scumbags or shit people in general #Life sucks to oblivion and back so just leave me be with all these characters I created for my stupid little world

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caffeinejournalist23 · 1 year

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What Sex and The City Did & Didn't Teach Me About Love - Part 1: Looking for Matrimony in the Bedsheets

I have been in bed sick for the past 2 days, and with yet another lonely Valentine's Day just around the corner, I figured I'd give in to temptation and finally start watching Sex and The City. I know it's a show full of bullshit depictions of New York, love, and womanhood, but even the fictional glamor of this show can't ignore the very real frustrations of dating in a big city as a young professional.

For the sake of positive manifestations though, I'll mention that I am at the happier part of the show; Carrie and Mr. Big are still broken up but she's finding herself and having mostly positive experiences with other men (which in the end is preparing her for a happy marriage with Big, so.. good stuff still?) - but Miranda and Charlotte are learning more about themselves and breaking down barriers while also respecting their boundaries now that they're in healthier relationships.

And the inspiration for this post - my roommate's boyfriend is secretly plotting their engagement!

For the past few months, he has been acting hella odd; I was worried maybe he was cheating on her, but it didn't add up to the clues or his character as a person at all - it's what we all are taught to erratically fear and assume whenever something seems different from a partner, even if all the signs suggest the polar opposite of that.

Honestly, I'm so glad I'm binging the show now as a 23-year-old with adult friends in healthy relationships and missed it when I was 15 and all my high school friends held that and What to Expect When You're Expecting as the gospel for what to expect in adult womanhood. Because, like I said, though there are some realistic depictions in the show, most of it is over-dramatized and/or over-glamorized - and there's a lot that this show gets completely wrong about real love, sex, and relationships.

For instance; not every woman has to get heartbroken, betrayed, or objectified over and over again before meeting the right match and settling down. In the show, all 4 main characters go through more than 10 guys each season in the first half of the series - which is totally fine and dandy if that's a lifestyle of your choosing and not a self-destructing habit made out of desperation. Unfortunately, I think the show perpetuates a narrative that says casual/non-committal sex occurs among women because they are desperate to find matrimony in the bedsheets rather than because women enjoy sexual liberation.

Charlotte is almost made fun of for her strict rules about sex and intimacy, and always focuses on the future of marriage whenever considering a relationship with a guy. Miranda has a pessimistic attitude about love and relationships for the majority of the series but is then delightfully surprised as she begins to unpack her anxieties about love and regains control of her life through therapy and self-realization.

Compared to my real-life friends who are in healthy committed relationships/marriages, Carrie Bradshaw and her friends got most of it very wrong; most of my friends in happy relationships did not date/have sex with a dozen men; actually, most of my friends are marrying their first serious love - some of which have been together since high school.

The truth is we as women (and/or non-binary feminine people, I'm still learning how to write more inclusively) should not be desperate for a loving long-term relationship! It should be ok to have consensual sex and not want or expect anything else from it. And it should be ok to keep boundaries that cock-block casual sex - and to communicate those boundaries to potential partners.

Overall, I guess my roommate's upcoming proposal and binging the first 3 seasons of Sex and The City got me to realize that when it comes to love and happy relationships, there's no one-size-fits-all expectation - as long as y'all respect each other and love each other truthfully, I think you're doing it right.

#sex and the city #satc #carrie bradshaw #mr big #carriesatc #sex and dating #sex and intimacy #relationship #relationship advice #dating advice #dating tips #loveversusreality #realisticlove #realistic #caffeinejournalist #coffeegirl

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dairy-farmer · 2 years

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Your brutim is so on point! All the delicacy I enjoy from these two.. their similar ways of thinking, sturbon yet empathetic nature, sort of naive vision due to resorceful upbrinigng, hubris of rich boys who get used to the world bend as their wish. They are detectives with keen eyes but almost blind to Their own feelings. Tim being such an loyal, obedient sidekick with noble heart AND acts like caretaker of his own mentor too? 😂 I love them being each other's mommy-daddy even without realizing what they are doing. Thats why I love your Roman Charity work so much! It's so believable! Tim would definitley force himself to lactate to save Bruce, his batman from starving. And if bruce acts like sturbon nine-year-old again by refusing profer diet and nap schedule? He would bribe him with omegan milk while faking scolding stone face lol. But on bruce's part... when tim having his life outside of robin duty, bruce is so pathetic, secretly throwing tantrums like 10. I just LOVE how bruce crashed tims date multiple times 😂 Your thread about this pathetic bruce who misses his own sex therapy with little timmy who valunteered without hasistation IS SO GOOD. I read it over and over, its short, but has so much potential!! Do you have any wip or plot for similar idea? I would love to hear about it... 👀

(PS. English is not my first language, so anything misconveyed or lost in translation is on me)

thank you so much!!! i'm so happy you enjoy my characterizations of them both!!!!❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ it really means so much!!!!

the thread you mentioned here in your submission is definitely one of my favorites!!! (and sorry about the confusion!! i know that the ask button on my tumblr might be a little difficult to spot especially since it can be confused by the submission box right next to it!!) i hope you don't mind but i combined your ask with another one that also expressed interest in tim's 'catch and release' program au!!!

i don't have a full length fic in the works but i do have some thoughts!!!

i love the dynamic of one where bruce is this emotionally needy and dependent person who DOES feel better when he's around tim and especially when he's fucking tim!

tim, on the other hand, willingly spreads his legs for bruce because he can see it helps him. it makes bruce less violent and less angry, allowing bruce to fuck his pussy and cum deep inside him is something that genuinely works so he keeps doing it!!

the only catch is...tim's not all that into bruce. tim is attracted to boys his age, who share his interests. he's at that age where he's fascinated with boys in leather jackets, who ride skateboards, who have tattoos, who smoke, who have piercings. tim likes stoners, bad boys- all the kinds of boys TV tries to scare you away from.

he also likes boys like his friends. one's that like scifi movies, and wizards and warlocks, boys he meets in chatrooms that like talking about detective novels and unsolved mysteries.

tim likes and is attracted to those boys. he fucks bruce because it's his job and it helps. he's robin for the exact same reason.

bruce has crows feet and wrinkles. he spends all day in uncomfortable suits and he fucks tim just a little too hard. enough that his cervix throbs in protest afterward. but tim never says anything because he's supposed to let bruce fuck him the way he likes.

so when bruce starts getting better (less violent and homicidal, starts coming home less injured) tim absolutely delegates less time to bruce!!

before, tim used to fuck bruce at minimum once a day. it usually ended up more like three or four. but now that bruce's condition and mental state have improved - tim only fucks him three or four times a week.

tim starts accepting dates with boys again. he messages boys he finds attractive online and sends photos of himself to them. photos of his pretty little tits, pictures of his soft, pink cunt.

sexting.

that's what bruce calls it when he catches tim reclined on his bed and taking a photo of himself in his underwear. it's not even the worst photo tim's ever sent but bruce makes him delete them as well as delete all the boys in his contacts he was sending them to.

tim whines about it, kicking up a fuss about it. but a week later he messages them all again.

bruce is harsh sometimes, telling tim that no he can't go out on a date because they have patrol. no, he can't spend the night at the house of a boy he met online! absolutely not!

tim doesn't understand why bruce acts like this.

he tells tim he's just being an adult but tim's parents had never acted like this. they hadn't cared if one of tim's friends spent the night in his room or if he spent the night in theirs. when tim had asked to get on birth control they hadn't even hesitated to drive him to a doctor.

either way. tim finds away to go out any way because sometimes bruce is softer.

sometimes he's quiet as he asks tim to stay in tonight or to join him in bed, please. but bruce fucks tim really hard when he gives in and tim doesn't want to be all, sore, messy, and sweaty for his date so he promises bruce each time - when i come back, alright?

we can have sex when i come back i promise.

but then...well...tim forgets sometimes.

his tits are sore from getting sucked on and his pussy is filled to the brim with hot cum courtesy of a boy that works at the pretzel stand in the mall that tim's had a huge crush on for a long time.

most of the time bruce is already asleep anyway so tim just breathes a sigh of relief and rolls into bed, sticking his fingers into his wet, used cunt and humming with satisfaction at the thickness inside him.

tim does remember sometimes though. when bruce pesters him too much. on patrol. in the batmobile. in the cave. in the manor.

tim gives in sometimes just to get him to stop asking.

he moans just like how bruce likes, clenches down on the cock inside him and feels as bruce groans against his cheek, rutting hard and fast into his little cunt.

but it's like giving a dog a treat. as soon as tim gives bruce just a little taste he comes back begging for more.

sometimes tim lets him play with his body for awhile.

tim will be lying on the couch reading a magazine and bruce will come in and lift up tim's skirt to expose his underwear. he'll push tim's legs onto his shoulders and lick him through his underwear for a while before pushing the fabric aside and fucking his tongue into tim's twitching insides.

it doesn't feel bad per se....

tim does like when bruce's tongue traces his sensitive clit until it's throbbing. but it's hard to ignore that it's bruce between his legs. bruce's hands are hard and calloused. tim likes the feeling of softer hands. bruce eats him out with military precision, intent on making tim feel good. tim likes it sloppier. boys hardly know what to do with pussies so tim likes sitting on their faces or pressing their heads between his legs and teaching them how to do it just the way he likes. wrapping his fingers into their hair and directing them while tim rolled his pussy against their faces.

eventually, tim would get just too grossed out at bruce's old man slobber getting on his kitty and push him away.

he'd be met by a hurt and disappointed look and tim would assure him that it was good but it just wasn't working for tim.

in the showers after patrol bruce would try his luck again. rubbing his hard cock against tim's back, pressing his thick fingers inside and scissoring tim's cunt as bruce ground closer in anticipation. tim feels a bit of pity and lets bruce rut against his wet folds, trying to convince himself to get into it but it just...doesn't work. so tim pushes him away citing tiredness.

but bruce is persistent (or desperate). even when they're sparring bruce will tug tim close and hump him like he's the family dog going to town on a stuffed animal. tim lets him, just the stuffed animal does. tim lets bruce cup his pussy and squeeze his butt. bruce lays open-mouthed kisses on tim's braless tits separated by a very thin shirt. but tim still can't get aroused for it so he pushes him away, promising bruce they'll fuck at night but right now they're training.

it's not that tim leads bruce by the nose ALL the time. sometimes bruce does keep his promise. (he needs to keep bruce's temperament in check after all)

sometimes tim even surprises bruce.

when bruce picks him up from school tim will thank him with a blow job. gently suckling the head and then bobbing up and down until bruce pushes his head all the way down to the root, groaning as he cums in tim's mouth.

tim licks him clean and bruce is content the rest of the day.

after a particularly hard day, tim will climb on bruce's lap and ride him until the stress of the day melts away and he can sleep.

time DOES like bruce. he cares for him a lot too.

he just...doesn't like fucking bruce.

it feels good! it always feels good! bruce knows how to make him cum really good! but tim's only doing this until bruce is well enough.

so maybe tim gets...a little distracted. bruce had started fucking him harder and deeper after he caught tim texting a boy under the pillows while bruce was inside him (which tim apologized for!).

tim does get into it sometimes. he likes sex so it's not a hard mindset to settle into. the hard part is liking sex with bruce.

so tim goes on his dates, hooksup and fucks until his pussy is throbbing with aches. he notices bruce is acting just a bit more violent, a little more hostile in the intervals of time where tim is putting him off more.

so tim starts putting out more.

laying on his back, getting on his front, riding bruce, sucking his cock.

he reinforces it with praise, telling bruce he's doing a good job.

and it...doesn't work perfectly.

so tim dedicates more of his time to bruce, hugging and kissing him. he stops going out on dates because he needs to fuck bruce steady again. he can't text boys back because bruce wants tim to suck his cock for hours.

it's a hassle not being able to see the boys he likes but bruce takes priority. between him and them, bruce wins out every time.

and about a week into their marathon fucking it bruce seems to realize that when tim is lying on his chest and tracing shaps into his skin with a finger while they're both naked on the couch. a movie is playing on the screen and bruce is idly stroking tim's sweaty back while his cock is buried deep into tim's cunt.

they've both already cum but bruce is keeping his cock inside to keep the mess of cum plugged inside.

tim's not looking at bruce's face. he doesn't see this...dawning expression of realization. doesn't see how bruce's brows furrow in thought. and he certainly doesn't see the pensive expression of bruce thinking, considering, and planning.

maybe if tim had seen it he would've been more protective of his birth control and not kept it in bruce's bedside drawer.

because the thing is that tim is someone who takes responsibility for his mistakes. if he messes up then it's on him to fix it.

only that bruce doesn't want him to.

tim is in high school and pregnant with the baby of a man twice his age. tim took the test nearly six times to confirm before informing bruce.

he needed someone to drive him to a clinic afterall.

but then...bruce gets this look on his face. this gentle surprise was followed by the slow creep of a smile. not the condescending type of smile tim has come to know.

that night is the first-night bruce returns to the cave without a single injury.

and that's....that's not a small thing. because tim has been working with bruce for almost a year, he still hasn't been given the go-ahead to become robin. he's still in training and he can't be out there to watch bruce's back so more often than not bruce returns injured.

until the night tim told him he was pregnant.

tim listened through coms, he watched through the camera of bruce's cowl and...something in his chest stuttered.

because that was batman. not the angry hurting one that had been lashing out at himself and everyone- that was batman.

and tim...tim's always been a smart kid. he can see things and instantly understand what's happening so when he sees bruce's performance dramatically increase after the news its...

tim knows the score. he understands better than most people what the tenuous peace and justice that batman brings to justice means.

and tim was prepared to make every sacrifice to make sure batman remained that hope and symbol the city needed.

he was going to be robin to help bruce, but if this does as well....

tim doesn't mind plans shifting or changing. it's about batman. it's always been about batman and if this is what does it, if this is what works then...

he'll do it.

tim will do it.

#anonymous #answered asks #asks

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quietblueriver · 1 year

Text

Tell Me You Don't Know Me

Avatrice Week Day 1: Fake Dating/Undercover

They're in London when it happens. The OCS has sent them to check out a cell of Adriel’s followers apparently still peddling bullshit (and more importantly, maybe demonic possession) to anyone they can convince to spend time with them. The new method is more HBO-doc cult-y, starts with a fucking potluck apparently, before dipping (heh) into the more serious shit. They’re easy enough to find, still handing out honest-to-god flyers at various points across the city.

Nobody recognizes Ava; it’s been almost a year and these days she’s back to crop tops and sneakers, experimenting with streaks of different colors in her hair. And some strategically planted misinformation from Kristian and Vincent and their sources means that nobody would really know what to look for, anyway.

As for Beatrice, a few months ago she had asked Ava to come with her to get her hair cut, had gone in with her bun and come out with a clean fade and a very overcome girlfriend. She’s still figuring out her style but has moved almost exclusively to menswear, falling somewhere between hot professor (unsurprising, 10/10) and hot mechanic who has a side gig in a band (more surprising, also 10/10) depending on the day. Ava’s about it. Anyway, nobody is clocking Bea and her hard part as the assassin nun who fucked up a truly impressive number of Adriel’s clowns at various points during his campaign of bullshit.

The OCS has a stupidly nice safe house where they’re crashing as they pick up intel (Ava’s still not sure what happened in Switzerland, not that she would trade it, but that Church money is real), and they’re headed back there, through Kensington, when Beatrice stops short, causing Ava to stumble.

“Bea?”

Her eyes are fixed on a group of people stopped on the sidewalk, talking. They’re still some distance away but close enough to be recognizable. Ava knows immediately.

“Okay, baby, okay, just come with me.”

She pulls Bea into an alley nearby and steadies her against the wall, runs her hands up her arms, cups her face.

“Hey, it’s okay. We can wait here or turn around or do whatever you want. I think I saw a coffee shop like 2 minutes back.”

Bea shakes her head lightly, pulling herself back from wherever she’d gone when she saw her parents. She kisses Ava, pushing out from the wall and straightening her shoulders.

“Fuck them. I’m not ashamed of myself. I am certainly not ashamed of you. I am happy, no thanks to them, and I will not apologize.”

Therapy is the shit, Ava thinks, not for the first time. Yasmine came through with a connection, somewhat horrified that the OCS didn’t already have one—a very discreet former member of one of the seemingly endless secret sects of the Church. Doesn’t hurt for Beatrice that Margaret is unapologetically gay as hell. Doesn’t hurt for Ava that Margaret has a bomb therapist partner who also doesn’t bat an eye at shit like demonic possession.

Ava is so full of pride and love for Beatrice that she might actually burst, has to exert a serious amount of control to keep the halo from lighting up the whole block. She’s bouncing on her toes to divert the energy.

Also, like, Bea cursing will never not be hot, but Ava keeps a grip on that particular set of feelings for the moment. Later, in their cushy safe house, she can let Bea know exactly how attractive she is and try to make her curse for much more fun reasons.

“I love you. I’m so proud of you. And also I really am okay if you want to avoid them. I know you’re not ashamed of me, and they don’t deserve you. They’ve never deserved you.”

Bea kisses her again, tucks a strand of Ava’s hair behind her ear.

“Honestly, they might not even recognize me. It’s been a long time and I’m now their worst nightmare.” Demonstrating her point, she runs her fingers through her own hair while pulling at the leather jacket she’s wearing and kicking the toe of one of her boots against the ground. “Basically a walking billboard for lesbianism.”

(Ava had been with her at the thrift store when she found that jacket, had nearly lost her mind when Bea put it on. “Jesus, fuck, Bea, please get that and wear it home so that I can fuck you in it as soon as humanly possible.” Beatrice had reddened but purchased the jacket and put it on before they left the store. Ava was very proud that she didn’t catch them a public indecency charge, pulling them back to their apartment in record time. She had Bea against the door before it had even fully closed, running her hands appreciatively over the leather before dropping to her knees and admiring it, admiring Bea, from a different view.)

“Incredibly effective billboard. Really overachieving in spreading the homosexual agenda, honestly. I have glared at at least half a dozen women today alone. And don’t get me started on how you lead me into temptation like it’s your fucking job.”

The smile she gets is fond, fond, fond, and Beatrice kisses her sweetly.

“I love you. Let’s go home. Does Thai sound okay?”

She grabs Bea’s hand and turns back toward the sidewalk.

“Perfect.”

Ava notices Bea check her posture (impeccable as always) as they round the corner back onto the sidewalk and she stays close, placing the hand not wrapped in Bea’s on Bea’s forearm and squeezing.

“I love you. I’m okay. I promise.”

The group is still standing there, half a dozen people talking in a circle outside of one of the ridiculously nice rowhouses that Kensington is full of. And okay Ava already hates these people and will until she dies (and resurrects and dies again, as things apparently go for her) but also how fucking rude are they, taking up the entire sidewalk like that’s an acceptable thing to do.

She knows the second the first one clocks them, face going from regular stick-up-the-ass to tree-trunk-up-the-ass. She knows Bea sees it, too, because Bea sees everything all the time anyway, and she is on high alert right now. Bea holds her hand tighter and keeps walking.

By the time they dip into the street to avoid their huddle (rude), they have the attention of the full group, which has gotten quiet and, like homophobic Ood, collectively begun to emit disapproval and disgust. Two of them, the two she had pegged as Bea’s parents, are especially focused on Bea as they pass.

Ava has imagined kicking Bea’s parents’ asses too many times to count. What’s the actual point of having a magic, empathic, sort-of weapon embedded in her back if she can’t use it to absolutely fucking stomp her girlfriend’s shithead homophobic parents. Even without the halo, Ava could flatten them in a number of fun and creative ways, all poetically thanks to Bea. But she knows this is not about her; it’s about Beatrice, and her job as the person who loves Beatrice more than anything else in the world is to support her while she figures out how she wants to deal with these stupid fuckers. Of course, she does break out the face she reserves for cat-calling men, people who hit on Beatrice while Ava is literally right there, and the worst of Adriel’s goons. She’s only human and they’re fucking lucky she isn’t halo blasting them right out of their way, right out of England entirely.

She feels eyes on them after they pass but stops herself from glancing back. They make it a block and a half and Ava is ready to ask about Thai food, provide a distraction if Bea wants one, but Bea doesn’t relax. If anything she’s holding herself tighter now.

“Bea?”

“They’re following us,” she says lowly. “My parents.”

Ava remains quiet, lets Bea set the pace, occasionally rubs Bea’s forearm. After another block, Beatrice steers them down a side street, waiting. A few moments later, the couple round the corner and stop, what Ava thinks is surprise flashing briefly over both of their faces before they settle back into what Ava guesses is neutral for them. They have the expressions of stern Victorian schoolteachers, and not in the hot way. They are perfectly put together—Bea’s mom is in a black dress and black and white tweed blazer, heels high enough to be intimidating but not high enough to be anything other than appropriate. Her dad is in a charcoal suit with a blue silk tie, black capped Oxfords shining. They’re beautiful people, just like Bea.

“Hello, Mother. Papa.”

“Beatrice. Hello.”

It’s her dad who’s speaking, and his tone is formal, the fucking psycho, as if he’s not seeing his only daughter for the first time in years, as if he hadn’t been following them.

“Is there a reason that you were following us?”

Bea is standing steady, tone as even as ever. Ava knows she’s upset, probably nervous, because she can feel Bea’s pinky tap unevenly against Ava’s palm, invisible to everyone but Ava. Also because she knows Bea and this is an objectively weird and fucked up situation and of course she’s going to be upset by it.

“Beatrice.” It’s her mother this time. “Don’t be dramatic.” It’s dismissive. Ava hates her. “We were merely being discreet. We weren’t sure that you would be able to talk to us. You’re clearly...on an assignment. I wasn’t sure whether your friend was aware of your...position.”

Beatrice looks at her for a moment before saying, surprise slipping just slightly into her response, “I am in London for work, yes, although I’m not working right now.”

She tilts her head in Ava’s direction at the same time that she steps just slightly in front of her. Ava’s heart breaks—Bea is moving the same way she does when she’s gauging danger, protecting Ava from her parents. Ava is the one making that move most of the time, these days (which they’re both fine with because “it doesn’t hurt my ego to acknowledge reality, darling—you could flatten everything in a three block radius and still be ready for a fight. I know you don’t doubt my skills. I know that it’s about something else.” A waggle of Ava’s eyebrows, a move into Bea’s lap. “Oh, I have no doubts about your skills, Bea, and yes,” softer, closer, “it’s about loving you.”).

“This is my girlfriend, Ava. Ava, these are my parents.” She hesitates for a moment before adding, “And I’m not quite sure how it’s relevant but yes, Ava knows about my work. We work together.”

Ava’s not totally sure how this shit works but she’s 80% that the fact that Bea didn’t even bother with their names is the fancy rich person equivalent of her spitting at their feet. She’s very proud. The scale of things Ava wants to say to these people runs from “get fucked,” at the most polite end, to a literal punch in the face, at the most honest end. She nods her head slightly and says nothing at all, is now very proud of herself, as well. Frankly, she’s doing an excellent job of being restrained here.

Bea’s mother takes a step toward them and Ava stops herself from reversing Bea’s move from a moment ago, forces herself to stay still. The woman is looking at Ava like she’s a problem she’s trying to figure out and, oh, Ava knows that face. Ava loves that face. Suddenly she’s seeing Beatrice, puzzling through an issue with the books at the bar or trying to figure out where she went wrong with a recipe, Beatrice unable to find the shirt or the sweater that she wants (Ava stole it; it’s always because Ava stole it). It’s in the crease of her mother’s forehead, the clench of her jaw and the press of her lips, the slight scrunch of her nose. Ava knows, logically, that it makes sense for Bea and her mother to look alike, but she’s still genuinely shocked to find the person she loves so clearly present in the woman in front of her.

Finally, she seems to come to some conclusion, looking back to Beatrice and saying, “Right. Of course. I must have misunderstood the nature of your assignment.”

Ava loses the thread sometimes but she’s been paying pretty close attention to this whole situation and she has no idea what Bea’s mom is talking about. Beatrice is quiet for a moment.

“My...assignment? I’m sorry, Mother, I’m not sure what you mean.”

Her mother gestures, stabs the air in a very pointed and incredibly controlled way, at Bea’s body, at Ava, at their hands. Ava’s not sure what the fuck that’s supposed to mean.

“Don’t be obtuse, Beatrice.”

Ava prickles; the halo gives a hum of agreement beneath her skin. Beatrice must sense it because she squeezes her hand.

“I’m not being obtuse, Mum. You’re being obscure. What exactly do you think you know about my work here?”

Her tone has ventured into mild frustration, and Ava wants to clap her hands in appreciation. She does not. Because she’s a grown up.

Her mother looks around quickly, like she’s trying to be sure there isn’t anyone watching, lowers her voice. “Honestly, Beatrice, I don’t know why you’re making me say it. This obviously isn’t your typical attire and,” she makes a face like she’s smelled something rotten, “you’ve cut your hair. You’re walking around holding hands with...this person. You’ve introduced her as though you’re having some kind of…relationship. Publicly. There’s clearly a purpose for that and,” she waves at Beatrice, “for all of this. We know that the Church has asked you to do some…unorthodox things. I can’t pretend to know why exactly all of this is necessary but clearly,” she looks around again, hisses, “You’re undercover.”

Ava blinks. I mean she’s not wrong—they’re obviously not telling Adriel’s assholes (much more accurate name than FBC, by the way, and catchier) who they are or who they work for because their work kind of depends on them not figuring it out, but Ava’s pretty sure that’s not what she means. Beatrice is silent, Ava assumes because she’s trying to process.

Taking the silence as confirmation, apparently, her mother continues, “Your father and I weren’t sure that you would be able to speak with us given that you are working and given,” here she appraises Ava again and Ava fights the urge to stick her tongue out, “your company. We thought...getting to know her...might have been part of your work. Apparently, the two of you are,” she gestures at their hands again, “working together in this. I had not guessed.”

“I don’t...Part of my...work? Getting to...getting to know her?”

Ava is only really used to seeing Bea this inarticulate when Ava’s trying super hard to make her that way, but she can’t blame her because, from what Ava can put together, Bea’s mom thinks the Church has sent Bea undercover as a...butch dyke with a pink-haired girlfriend? She thinks Bea is, what? Pretending to eat pussy? For Jesus? For the record, Bea’s definitely not pretending, although Ava would say it’s a religious experience. Also, okay, fine, Ava does sometimes bring Jesus into things but only in the super blasphemous way, thanks very much. Ava whispers, “What the fuck?” before she can stop herself, clearly loud enough to be heard by Bea’s parents, who sneer almost simultaneously.

Bea’s mother speaks again, confident, in the direction of her husband, “I knew she was not affiliated with the Church.”

Score one for Ava. She’s honestly delighted that it’s so totally inconceivable that she could be a nun (those never-nun vibes are the vibes she wants to be putting out), but this makes literally no sense. Suddenly she can’t help herself.

“Hey, I could totally be a nun. You don't know my life. I spend like all my time with nuns. I know so many nuns. Biblically, even!” Well there’s that. Biblically, Ava? Who even says that? Ava looks at Beatrice, who is still facing her parents but whose shoulders have started to rise toward her earlobes. For reasons Ava cannot articulate, she continues. “Well, just one nun. Biblically, I mean. I only know Beatrice biblically.” Nice, Ava. She’s not done, apparently. “Speaking of Beatrice, what, exactly, did you think the Church asked Bea to do? Seduce me? Mission fucking accomplished. Also, if you thought I was a mark, or whatever, why would you follow her? What if you'd blown her cover and ruined all that time she spent being super hot for the Church? Or, what if she had brought me down this street to rail me…for Jesus? Holy shit, I’m gonna shut up now.”

Bea has finally turned to look at her and is...trying not to laugh. “Good Lord, Ava,” she whispers as she tries to keep it under control. Ava can see the shine in her eyes and the slight twitch of her jaw, her shoulders. Ava winces slightly and gives what she hopes is an appropriately apologetic shrug. Beatrice squeezes Ava’s hand, coughs to cover a laugh and turns back to her parents, who appear to be so horrified that they cannot move. Ava’s very glad she’s not trying to make a good impression on these people because that was a fucking disaster.

“Right. Well. Clearly there has been some confusion. Mother, I renounced my vows about a year ago. My relationship with Ava is not part of an undercover assignment,” her voice waivers slightly as she tries not to laugh, “and for that matter neither are my clothes or hair. I’m just very, very gay.” She adds, after a moment, “Although you’re right that Ava is not a nun.”

Ava is giggling before she can think to stop herself, and Bea is looking back at her with so much affection that she feels the halo start to hum. She coaxes it back into quiet. Ava turns her attention back to Bea’s parents, who are still standing very still, but now frowning somehow even more deeply than before.

“Beatrice, surely you aren’t telling us…surely you aren’t saying…with this woman…” her mother starts, voice hard and angry, the word woman spit like venom, which Ava thinks probably has at least something to do with the fact that she just monologued about fucking their daughter in the weirdest way possible. Then there’s the sacrilege. Also, her boobs look amazing in this tank top, which Ava’s guessing doesn’t work in her favor in this particular circumstance. Ava takes it as a compliment.

Also, she’s fascinated, but horror-movie fascinated, at what’s happening right now because these people caught Beatrice with her hand up another girl’s skirt when she was 15 and now they see her holding hands with Ava, looking exactly as wonderfully queer as she is, and they’re more willing to believe that she’s on a secret gay mission for the Church than that she’s actually just, you know, gay? Holy shit, this woman is deluded. Homophobia is fucking wild.

Before her mother can stutter out anything else, Bea’s father puts his hand on her shoulder and she quiets. Gross. He steps, like, right in front of his wife, pushing her back a step, to stare at Beatrice. Gross-er.

“It is unfortunate that your time of service in the Church failed to help you get over this...predilection, Beatrice, although it is far from the first time you have failed to meet very reasonable expectations. At least we are not unused to being disappointed by you.”

His tone is dripping with condescension and indifference and this is his daughter, his objectively incredible daughter. Ava can suddenly see six-year-old Bea standing alone in front of this cold, hard man—hair in a knot that leaves her with a headache, uncomfortable in the ballet shoes she already hates, posture perfect in her little leotard and tutu. Ava can see her there, trying so, so hard to be what he wants, and feeling like she’s not enough. She wants to wrap tiny Bea in her arms and take her away. She wants this man to hurt the way he hurt her. It takes every ounce of self-control she has to keep the halo still and silent, to contain the angry, vengeful thing growing in her stomach.

“It really is a shame,” her mother says, curt, from where she’s now stationed behind him. “We tried very hard to help you, Beatrice, but you always were a stubborn, ungrateful thing.”

Ava’s self-control is officially running on empty. She considers her options. Ava could kill them very easily but they’re in public. Maybe she’ll borrow Bea’s signature throat punch. Less messy, still effective. Seems like a winner. The halo hums lowly with approval. Before she can move, though, Bea is fully in front of her, unfolding that last little bit of herself until she’s standing there as the soldier she was trained to be. Sister Beatrice may be gone but Bea is still a fucking badass. And Christ she’s hot. (See? Blasphemy only.)

“As it turns out, I don’t actually give a shit what you think. I have a wonderful life. To the extent you were ever my family, you aren’t any longer. My family loves me for who I am, and despite your best efforts, I love myself, too.”

She is confident, her body casually dangerous, her voice steady and unbothered. Ava would like her to be done with this interaction for at least 100 reasons, and she’s proud to say that only like a quarter of those are sex things. Bea turns to Ava, smiles like Ava is the only thing she cares about. “Ready for dinner?”

Ava’s definitely hungry. (5/10 at best but her focus is absolutely elsewhere.) And, right, so maybe she underestimated, but still it’s only like a third sex things, which is very impressive given her fucking smoke show of a girlfriend. And also Ava can want to push Bea down onto the closest bench and do her very best to positively reinforce all of this confidence and also be so fucking proud and happy and in love that she wants to cry because she can contain multitudes, or whatever. Ava rises on her toes to kiss Bea’s cheek and nods.

“Just a sec,” she takes a step forward and looks at Bea’s father, meets his eyes. “She is the best person I have ever met, which is saying a lot, because I spend most of my time with people who have given their lives to their faith and helping others. And because,” Ava lets her eyes glow bright with the halo’s energy, a party trick, really, but super effective for scaring people and, she hopes, shaking the smug fuckers in front of her, “I have some experience with the divine.”

Sure enough, Ava watches as Bea’s father’s eyes grow large, as her mother takes a step back. Bea puts a gentle hand on the small of her back and she turns to smile at her reassuringly, blinks back to normal.

“She saved me, saves me all the time, really. You spent her whole life trying to make her small. You failed. She’s a miracle. And again,” she lets her eyes flash bright quickly, can’t help but smirk when Bea’s dad staggers back, “I know something about those.”

She reaches back for Bea, flips them off with her free hand. “It was in no way nice to meet you. Seriously, one of my least favorite experiences, and I’ve literally died twice and spent a few years fighting demons in a hell dimension, so well done you.”

She turns fully to Bea and then they’re walking, pressed close together, away from them.

After a few blocks, Ava turns to look up at Bea. “I hope that wasn’t too much, Bea. Sometimes my mouth gets away from me, not that that’s news to you. Or an excuse! I’m really sorry if I...”

She trails off at the look on Bea’s face, which is...oh. Well, that’s unexpected. Beatrice is looking at Ava like she wants to ruin her. In the very good, very welcome sex way. They’re near a small park and Beatrice tugs her hand until they’re inside, sheltered by hedges and wrought iron, and presses Ava up against a tree. One of her hands presses into her hipbone, thumbing at the hem of her shorts while the other splays possessively over her ribs, pressing into the material of the black tank top Ava wears beneath an olive green bomber she’d stolen from Bea.

She’s close to Ava, pupils blown, and she whispers, “This okay?”

Ava shifts slightly forward so that she can shrug out of the jacket, anticipating a future annoying limitation, and then places her hand over Bea’s on her rib cage, shifts it lower and back up, underneath the fabric. Bea sucks in a breath. She doesn’t even mention the jacket Ava just let drop to the ground. Beatrice’s jacket. Ava shivers. Disregard for mess is a top 5 indicator that Bea is about to absolutely wreck her. She’s fucking delighted, meets Bea’s eyes and arches her back slightly to press herself further into Bea’s hands.

“Yes, Bea. Very, very okay.”

And then Bea’s mouth is on hers, hard and filthy and as possessive as the hand moving torturously slowly toward where she wants it under her shirt. Ava’s knees go weak and Bea moves to press a thigh against her, both hands suddenly firm on her hips and pulling Ava closer, whispering soft affirmations between kisses when she hears Ava moan. She moves her own body to match the rhythm of Ava moving against her thigh.

Bea breaks away to bite and suck at Ava’s neck, soothes the marks, already disappearing thanks to the halo, with her tongue. Ava is a whimpering mess when Bea makes her way up her neck and to her ear, whispering, voice raspy with want, “Do you know how much your love means to me, Ava?”

Ava traps Bea’s face between her hands and says, with as much love as she can put into her voice, with the halo glowing hard against the bark of the tree behind her, “I meant what I said, Bea. You’re a miracle. You’re beautiful. I can’t believe I get to love you this way.”

The kiss she gives Beatrice moves them from heated to gentle, and when she pulls back, Bea is still breathing hard but her grip on Ava’s hips is softer, her thigh now still where Ava’s pressed against it.

“Want to continue this at home?”

Ava shifts slightly, feels the bark of the tree rough against the exposed skin of her lower back and shoulders. She’s in no way opposed to letting Beatrice do whatever the fuck she wants to her against this tree but they do have a very nice apartment and Ava has some ideas about what she’d like to do for Beatrice that are logistically more difficult here.

“Yes, please.”

Her stomach growls, and Bea laughs, moves a hand under her tank to press gently against the skin of her belly.

“Food first. I really do want Thai.”

She bends down to retrieve her jacket and holds it open for Ava as she pulls herself away from the tree. Ava kisses her cheek in thanks. Bea runs a hand through her hair and straightens her jacket before reaching out for Ava’s hand and pulling them back toward the road.

“I guess we are technically undercover,” Bea says, as Ava swings their joined hands higher and higher.

Ava snorts. “Yeah, you’re right. Although pretty sure I’d be much more excited to be doing whatever the fuck your mom thought we were doing. I mean honestly, Bea, what a pervert.” Bea smiles. Ava feels victorious. “It is kind of hot,” Ava continues as they make their way toward the Thai place closest to the flat. She waggles her eyebrows. “Wanna play undercover nuns later, Bea? Ooh, ooh, wait—undercovers nuns! Fucking nailed it.”

Bea rolls her eyes and tucks a strand of hair behind Ava’s ear.

“How hungry are you? You want to split a green curry and pad thai?”

Ava bumps her shoulder. “Sure. Satay, too. And mango rice.” She skips ahead and looks back at Bea. “Also, don’t think I didn’t notice—that wasn’t a no. I’m going looking for your habit as soon as we’re home. There’s gotta be a spare in the safe house, too, right?”

“If we’re undercover, why would we need the habits?”

“Backstory, Bea. Backstory.”

“I love you. You’re ridiculous.”

“Still not a no!”

Ava laughs over Beatrice’s groan.

#avatrice week #avatrice #sister beatrice #ava silva #warrior nun

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jhoudiey · 1 year

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The second rotisserie chicken ship I've got is MomoTora! Another TR OC ship (someone get me off this boat I need to hyperfocus on other things too!) Again, questions from here

sketch comm from @/00-v2 of their awkward friendship before she goes to prison. (This is like... end timeline that i call the 'tora goes to therapy instead of prison arc' and doesn't spend 10 years locked up, but she goes in for 7 and they don't start dating until she's almost released. Unrelated, I spent a lot of time researching the Japanese prison system and lemme tell u bois it's fucked up.)

Pre-relationship

How did they first meet? at a Toman run in with another gang. She's the 'side piece' of the leader and ditches when Toman shows up cause she doesn't want anything to do with it.

What was their first impression of each other? Momoka: just some guy. Kazutora: Random hanger-on

Did any of their friends or family want them to get together? LOL

Who felt romantic feelings first? Momoka. She didn't really do feelings for the longest time and ended up falling for him the day they kill her dad. (whoops spoilers heh)

Did either of them try to resist their feelings? Momoka doesn't say anything for a long while cause she's in prison so there's no point at all.

If you had told one of them that the other would be their soulmate, what would they think? They'd laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh cause soulmates aren't real.

General

Who initiated the relationship, and how did it go? Kazu did. When she's in prison he suggests they go to this hot spring in Northern Japan together and she's like ??? until he explains that turns out he's got feelings for her too and wants to pursue them.

Did they have an official first date? If so, what was it like? Kazu takes her on a virtual tour of a zoo on his phone when iphones become a thing and sneaks it into the visiting room at the jail. The internet craps out and they don't get very far, but the intention was there.

What was their first kiss like? well their first kiss is non-consensual from Momo's part and she tries to force himself on him which he rebuffs, but their first kiss that they're both into is in the parking lot of the prison.

Were they each other’s first anything (kiss, relationship, etc.)? Momoka's first 'real' relationship where feelings are involved but that's about it.

What’s their height difference? Age difference? Kazu has got about 8 inches on her, and is about a month and a half older.

What’s their relationship with each other’s families? Non-existent. Tora stabs her dad in the neck with a pen (and she finishes the job and stabs him a bunch more times hence the 7 years in prison), and she doesn't meet his.

Who takes the lead in social situations? Tora, though he's not altogether stoked about it.

Who gets jealous easier? They're both pretty equal cause insecurity is a hell of a drug.

Love

Who said “I love you” first? Momoka. Her prison therapist tells her she needs to stop holding onto her feelings so writes it in a letter to Kazu and hopes he doesn't ghost her. 🤣

What are their primary love languages? Words of confirmation. They're both really broken people mentally and the reaffirmations about intentions are very helpful to both of them.

How often do they cuddle/engage in PDA? Outside of holding hands, everything else is kept private.

What are their favorite things to do together? Watch movies in bed

Who’s better at comforting the other? They are both kind of shit at it.

Who’s more protective? Kazu, since Momo's 'been around the block a few times' and is still on speaking terms with several old flings.

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection? physical

What are some songs that apply to their relationship, in-universe or otherwise? uhhhhh

What kind of nicknames do they call each other? Momoka calls him Kazu-tan (flirty, affectionate) cause it drives him fucking batty when they first meet, then it just sort of sticks. When she's being serious she just calls him Kazutora and she's always just been Momoka.

Domestic Life

If they get married, who proposes? Kazu! They finally go to the hot spring up north after a few years of putting it off and he proposes in the bath.

What’s the wedding like? Who attends? Very small, very chill. Just Toman main dudes+dates and that's about it.

How many kids do they have, if any? What are they like? They do not, and choose to not cause YIKES, daddy issues are strong in them.

Do they have any pets? They bring home one unruly cat named Batto from Peke-J land.

Who’s the stricter parent? N/A

Who kills the bugs in the house? Both.

How do they celebrate holidays? With a little liqour and little less clothes.

Who’s more likely to convince the other to come back to sleep in the morning? Momoka, cause a cold bed is the worst bed.

Who’s the better cook? UHM. 711?

#tokyo revengers oc #TR oc #kazutora hanemiya #momoka nakamura

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mahalshairyballs · 2 years

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Some more about Marlene & Jake and boundaries

Jake has pretty clear boundaries to respect. The others do too but it's less...you have less chances to stumble into them by mistake I'd say?

With Jake and his SOs, they have to understand, even if he did some progress there, that he won't be as physically affectionate as most people.

Frenchie understood it pretty well, so did Layla. He just had to tell them that he didn't like it/it made him uncomfortable without going into more detail and they respected it. Layla had Steven and Marc for that, so she had no problem not being physically affectionate with Jake.

Frenchie made sure to respect Jake's boundaries even though he did miss that kind of intimacy. Jake ended up trying to work through some of his touch anxiety in therapy and with both of them for Frenchie.

After almost two years of work, he was able to be physically affectionate for more than 10 seconds, but he still needed a heads-up and not being taken by surprise. And it usually didn't last more than a handful of minutes. If they were cuddling on the couch, he had to move, not stay in the same position for too long, but it was mostly alright. He still got anxious, but it was manageable, not that overwhelming panic anymore.

Marlene, of course, had been with Marc so she didn't know about that. Jake told her pretty early on since she was very handsy. With her, he told her the closest thing from the truth, and the earliest than any of his previous relationships. He had been as honest as he could be so she could understand.

When she said 'you weren't like that before'

He responded 'some memories came back to me, few years ago, they're really bad ones'

All this was technically true, while still making Jake look like he was Marc, and still giving the message across that it was pretty serious. She was studying psychology, she should know about repressed memories right ?

She did seem to get it, at first. Then later on she seemed to behave like she had forgotten what he told her, like his boundaries with physical intimacy were some new quirks, that he was just being difficult.

Every time she touched him without warning and he tensed up, or he told her to move after she had been sitting on him for more than 5 minutes, she rolled her eyes, or sighted loudly or made a snide comment. And she'd do it again.

Jake hated making - visibly - a fuss, especially out in public. He could hold her clothes, the fabric in the little of her back, the sleeves of her shirts, so they'd still be close while walking together. He thought it'd be enough. But she often grabbed his hand, and held it until he had to slid it away - and then crossed his arms so she wouldn't grab it again.

She started to question him, saying he didn't love her enough, that he was ashamed of her, that her friends' boyfriends didn't do that sort of things.

She invited him to outings with her friends, and told him to not be 'so cold' in front of them, to not embarass her.

Jake was at a loss with what to do, he thought not going at his own pace would be counterproductive. He didn't want to regress there, he didn't want his panic attacks to come back.

So he tried explaining it to her again. She seemed to get it, she didn't push for more physical affection...for a while. And then it was all back to square one. Where she was physical with him whenever she wanted, and if he said something or pushed her away she would roll her eyes, whine or sulk.

Marlene 'Why can't we just hold hands, you're telling me that's too much for you?'

Jake 'I can hold hands, just...not as much as you want. I'm doing my best, it's still difficult for me okay ?'

Marlene 'What could possibly have happened since we dated that you can't even hold hands? You're not the only army guy I've known, or even the only guy in the black market, none of them had that.'

Jake 'Yeah, well life's experiences different. Told you it wasn't about the army...'

Marlene 'So where was it? Did you get abused as a child or what?'

Jake barely felt something break in his hand, what had he been holding? A...glass? A glass of...oh a glass of wine. His thoughts seemed far away, echoing in his head. He was thinking things but he couldn't remember them as soon as they came out. Marlene wasn't in front of him anymore, she moved? Did she say something else?

He felt the familiar fog plaguing his mind, he felt his grip loosening.

No! He couldn't leave! They didn't know he was with her, they couldn't know. They'd be so mad, they wouldn't understand!

...

Coming into an unfamiliar place again, brilliant, just what he needed today. He didn't miss that at all. The apartment was well lit, and big. There was a blonde woman he could see in the kitchen.

His hand was burning. The sharpness of the pain came to him in an instant.

Bloody hell

He looked at his right hand, it was bleeding. A lot. Blood dripping down on the carpet underneath. Big shards of glass were still in their hand. A glass of wine in pieces.

Ow ow ow bloody...fuck it hurts

Steven had to take those pieces of glass immediately off of their hand and clean this up and...

Marlene : 'honey...oh my god what did you do?'

...ask Jake a lot of questions.

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