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mahalshairyballs · 2 years

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Some Jake stuff coming from my interpretation of him.

I might have mentioned these things before but I don't think I made any posts meta about them.

It will be separated into two main points : Emotions and Physical Touch

Emotiooons

Jake has *a lot* of emotions. But he has learned to hide them. Not by being stoic, he was far from it, but by looking to the outside world like he was well balanced he was also far from that.

To people interacting with him he was social, nice, even polite, warm, flirty, charming, he joked around, smiled more than Marc did (Marc your dark humor needs to come back!). He was just a joy to be around. No need to wonder what Frenchie saw in him.

With Layla it was a bit different since she lived with them. She saw him a bit more grumpy, snappy and contrarian (mostly when Jake fronted right after talking to Marc...). But she still had no idea how he really felt and what Steven and Marc had to deal with.

Inside Jake was boiling with emotions, sometimes totally opposite to what he was showing. He had been training himself a lot to do that, to 'pretend', to show whatever feelings he wanted to show, he'd perfected it.

Jake had to do something like that since almost day one, at least since Marc left their home. Because of what Jake's been through, every time he took control of the body - whether consciously or not, whether it was warranted or not - he was in a heightened state of alert. In a constant fight or flight mode - so in other words panic.

It took him a lot of time and a lot of work, but he managed to not always feel like that every time he fronted - especially when there were no imminent threats he had to deal with. This resulted in him having great control on his stress level, and how he showed his emotions (but didn't change how he really felt). Just existing didn't make him feel high anxiety anymore, but there were some things that could bring that anxiety back (see the 2nd main subject of this post below).

Which in turn made him the best at manipulating being social out of the three. It also made him an excellent liar. So much so that Matt (Daredevil) had the hardest time reading him. His heartbeat barely even changed - changed so minutely - when he lied that even Matt had a hard time noticing it (while Steven's heartbeat accelerated even when he was telling the truth ahah anxiety...)

Even when he killed, he didn't show any intense emotions. I used the word 'going bersek' as a shorthand one time before, but that's not accurate at all. Jake doesn't do that. He might feel anger or hate or whatever else, but he'll just show ruthless, surgical efficiency while doing the kill. And he could talk about the weather with you just after having killed someone.

In their innerspace it's waaay more difficult for Jake to hide or show something else to what he's really feeling. Their innerspace is like where their 'soul' coexist, so they're all pretty much open books there.

So when Steven once said to someone that Jake was 'very emotional, petty, immature, easy to anger, a lot to deal with'

Layla & Jean-Paul : He is ???

This was not their experience with him at all.

Jake and Marc were both quick to anger in their innerspace and quick to blame the other for anything. When they interacted tension could rise pretty damn fast. So Marc and Jake fought a lot in their innerspace. Jake and Steven did too initially, but it calmed down pretty quickly and they mostly got along well. So Steven found himself often in the middle of their fight like this :

(Without the blood and without Khonshu lmao)

Jake didn't mind doing small talk, he actually did it a lot. Surface level, flirty conversations were almost his specialty by now. Both because he couldn't bond with someone long enough to do more and because it helped him get what he wanted out of people. He flirted without intent other than manipulating people all the time. So here you could see how he could evolve into being the intel collector for the system, just like he is in the comics.

He didn't know how to deepen relationships however, he never had the chance to, and he didn't really want to by now. He didn't want to share anything personal or show his real emotions. He was inexperienced with that and didn't know what to expect. He didn't even know if he could love (he definitely can, but his feeling of love is in itself quite different, it's almost painful).

If he did open up though, he'd talk about most of the fucked up things he lived through in a very casual way. He had weird priorities and views of the world. He could be upset by small things but then brush off very awful things. I think there was a meme like that once. The meme enumerated three things, the first two weren't that bad while the third one was significantly worse than the first two but said as if it were equally bad (or was it a trope? ). That's Jake. He would be the kind to do that.

The only emotions you'd see him show outwardly when he felt them would be emotions that he was unfamiliar with. There's not a lot of those but there's a few, like love (or jealousy...). They would show in his behavior and body language because he wouldn't be able to deal with them. Being new to him, he hadn't practiced dealing with them and/or dissimulating them under another emotion. So maybe he'd look like he was feeling that emotion, but he'd mostly look lost or anxious...and then he'd leave control of the body to Marc or Steven.

Physical touch

Jake didn't like being touched, it made him very uneasy and brought his panic anxiety back.

However short or innocent the contact was, he wouldn't like it.

Especially if the touch was supposed to be good and innocent. It also didn't matter if it was under or above clothes, it felt the same to him.

Because :

1) he wasn't familiar with those feelings, both the physical sensations and what they did to his emotions. He didn't know what to do about it, how to react to it. So it made him uneasy and dislike the interaction.

2) he was used to all touches being painfull (except during sex*). Whether it was in his childhood, or later fronting to defend the body, while Marc was a boxer or in the army, or a mercenary, or Moon Knight. That's all Jake knew. So when the touches weren't painfull, his brain still thought it was going to be, any time now. So it prepared him by giving him this very intense anxiety, like a very loud alarm bell in his head.

As a cab/limo driver, he didn't have to be touched by anybody, and Khonshu couldn't touch him. So right then he was living his best life.

Jake wasn't making a big deal out of it either, like for everything else. If an SO tried to hold his hand, give him a hug or cuddle he'd find an excuse to get away from that physical contact as soon as possible. He usually pretended that he had to go somewhere to then put more distance between them, or subtly brushed away the hand on him. If the person did it again or insisted however, they'd get that direct rebuff.

It could be hard for some people who needed physical affection to be Jake's partner. For Duchamp, they were in a strange position. Jake was flirty, funny, teasing him, he was there for him and generous and helpful, but he never ever tried to touch him in their day-to-day life together. Not even a small casual touch on the shoulder, or a hug or anything. The only time Frenchie felt like he could touch him was when they had sex.

Jake never wanted to just make out, or cuddle while watching a movie. He did, however, do one thing. He gave little kisses. Dry closed mouth kisses of a few seconds, that he could do. And he did that often enough to show affection.

* The one major exception to that was during sex. Mostly because those touches were context specific and Jake usually concentrated on his dick and pleasuring his partners. So he managed to ignore or to deal better with these touches. The touches usually didn't last that long and it was mostly people gripping him or things like that so it was fine.

It made him a really good lover though. He had no problem touching other people, with his hands, with his mouth, with his cock, and he liked doing it. So he was very attentive to other people's body. He didn't really do foreplay either, except when he could treat his partners like that (ask Layla...).

If you wanted to treat him, or 'worship his body', or anything like that, he'd politely decline the offer, usually changing the focus on the partner.

Let me make it clear though that Jake only appears to be promiscuous out of necessity but he wasn't really. Sex was the best way he found to have physical intimacy with someone. He didn't need to be particularly close to the person, could do it quickly - since he couldn't front for long - and could get his physical intimacy needs met there.

He also didn't do French kissing, and he was fine with pillow talks...as long as there was a reasonable distance between him and the partner on the bed.

With Layla, he initially didn't even take the chance. He kept sleeping in the spare bedroom, even after she knew who he was and got to know him.

Jake knew he could learn to get used to the nice touches, like he got used to live without being in panic mode. He didn't see the benefit in doing that however. Controlling his panic mode had been a necessity, because he felt like that just by being. The panic he felt when someone touched him however could be stopped by simply...stopping that contact. It was easier than enduring countless of high-anxiety inducing interactions just so his body could be used to them. And since he wasn't familiar with what 'nice' touches actually felt like, he didn't miss them.

He didn't think he needed those for a fulfilling relationship. He saw though, that Frenchie really missed doing that kind of thing with his partner...

Steven doesn't mind touches all that much for someone on the spectrum. He actually really liked touches...but only with people he was really close to. He had two modes 'ew no touchy' and 'let me be all over you all the time'.

Marc has no issues with touches. It's surprisingly one of the few things he has no issues about. He liked touches well enough, he could be tender and physically affectionate when he wanted to be - and he usually did.

This is also why Matt and Jake would make a good fit. Matt is also super-sensitive to touches (for a different reason : his super-senses) so he'd understand Jake's boundaries there.

Bonus: relationship with Khonshu

Out of the three of them, it's definitely Jake who has a better relationship with Khonshu and who doesn't need to be as manipulated as Marc was.

There were many ways in which Jake's relationship with Khonshu could be important to him.

Khonshu acknowledged him without telling the others. Khonshu might've been the first other person to actually call him Jake. It definitely had an effect on Jake. Gave him respect for the ol' bird at least.

Khonshu didn't probe him about things Jake didn't feel like talking about. Khonshu didn't care about the Marc system's traumas, he already knew everything that was in their head anyway, so he never brought it up with Jake and Jake was appreciative of that.

Khonshu is immaterial in our dimension so he couldn't touch Jake. Jake was glad for that.

Khonshu trusted his skills, and appreciated him for who he was.

And Jake truly believed in what Khonshu was doing. He also wanted revenge, didn't mind killing or hurting people to protect others. He wanted to defeat the bad guys.

Marc might also have wanted revenge, an outlet for his rage, but the killings took more of a toll on him than it did Jake.

So if Steven & Marc try to convince Jake to break things off with Khonshu....eeeeeeh, they might encounter some strong opposition.

Tl;dr - So this is how I managed to combine both of the main portrayals of comics!Jake with what we got of MCU!Jake while still making sense character-wise, tadaaaaa : D

Thank you, thank you !

Have a nice Jake-filled day everyone!

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mahalshairyballs · 2 years

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More protector thoughts

Marc : 'I survived because I knew I wasn't alone. You were always there, alive, full of hope. And I tried to protect that, I tried to protect that, and I failed. I couldn't protect you.'

Marc isn't the protector of the system, but it was important that he thought he was. He wanted to be. He put himself in that position with Steven.

This indirectly made Steven the protector between the two of them. Protector of Marc's emotions, of Marc's conscience (as someone else put it : psychological and spiritual protector). Marc needed to feel useful to someone, to have a goal, to keep going. He also needed a way to redeem himself for what he thought - and had been told - was his failing. His mom had put the onus on him to protect his brother and he 'failed' it. He could do it again with Steven, and this time he wouldn't fail, he couldn't.

That's also why Marc acted that way with Layla. He wanted to protect her. Even though he knew she could make her own decisions and protect herself, he had to put himself in the role of her protector.

That's what kept Marc going.

When he said 'I survived because I knew I wasn't alone. You were always there, full of hope (...)', it wasn't just the mere fact that Steven could be happy and have these positive emotions Marc couldn't have, it was that Marc saw it and he wanted to keep it that way. He wanted to keep Steven happy. 'I tried to protect that'. He made it his mission to keep Steven oblivious about anything that could dent this happiness, which meant their past, Khonshu, himself...

That was one of my first MK metas: It's protecting Marc emotionally, psychologically and spiritually to let him think he's the protector of the system. Even though he's not, not really.

But Jake is.

And here's another reason why their subconscious hid Jake from Marc - to let him think he was the protector- and another reason why Marc would dislike Jake when meeting him (there's a few of those...). Jake is taking his role away from him.

Even though Jake isn't taking anything away from Marc, he just is their physical protector, that's how Marc perceived it. Knowing about Jake's existence and what he's been doing, takes a big part of Marc's agency, view of himself and goal, away.

It's an important subtle difference that affects their personalities too. The difference between the one who is the protector and the one who just thinks he is.

#another meta comparing Jake and Marc #moon knight #moon knight meta #moon knight essays #moon knight character analysis #character analysis #marc spector #jake Lockley #expanding on an old analysis abd linking it with the most recent ones #marc spector tries his best #marc spector deserves everything #nobody expects the spanish lockley #jake lockley isn't unreasonable #jake: i came i saw and i saved your dumb asses #when Marc will realize he's more the persecutor than the protector...#won't be a good day

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mahalshairyballs · 2 years

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*Steven is getting closer to Duchamp*

Jake : ...

Jake : partner stealer

Steven : wha- I'm not a partner stealer !

Marc : Jake's not wrong.

Steven : hey! I'm not a partner stealer. I'm a partner sharer...because everyone can't help but love me!

Marc & Jake : ...

Marc & Jake : partner stealer

#moon knight #everyone's jealous in this system #layla x steven x marc #jake x frenchie #marc spector #jake lockley #steven grant #we love our neuroatypical british nerd angel here #marc spector deserves everything #nobody expects the spanish lockley #incorrect moon knight quotes

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mahalshairyballs · 2 years

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Other long little scenes for y'all. This time related to the boys' different attachment problems.

Attachment with the Moon Boys (+ Steven centric parts of a fic)

The Essay Part

Steven is insecure and emotionally dependent.

He's never had a partner before, so from the start he doesn't really know how to relationship. Soon the system realizes that Steven isn't the 'good one' with 'no issues' if it wasn't obvious enough already.

Both Marc and Steven are *very* insecure about other people's attachment and love for them. Marc keeps it in, while Steven can't keep it in. He's an open book, which means he's a ball of anxiety in a relationship.

Both Marc and Steven are unable to believe someone when they say they love them, and while Marc is mostly fatalistic about it (and self-destructive) Steven constantly needs reassurance that the person really loves him. So Steven is as self-destructive as Marc is, but in a totally different way.

And Jake? Jake can't even understand it, can't understand that someone loves him. Nobody ever said those words to him until now. So it's better to keep going without even acknowledging other people's feelings for him. That's why he's overwhelmed when someone says 'I love you' to him. When that happens, he switches to Steven or Marc - whoever is available. He just can't warp his head around it, doesn't know how to react to it.

Back to Steven.

So Steven is the kind of insecure that can get annoying fast. His emotional dependence shows its head pretty quickly after he starts dating Layla too. Layla liked Steven a lot, so she put up with it, even finding it adorable at the start of their relationship.

After some time though, the novelty was gone. And having someone who follows you like a shadow, doesn't want to do anything without you being involved, always search for your approval. Someone who has their entire world literally revolving around you, where they're at your beck and call, doing everything you want, running to help you, doing way too much for you and not thinking about themselves. Someone who always asks you hundreds of questions every time you go out (not in an accusatory way but in a 'I wanna know about everything of your life away from me' way) and thinks you're going to leave them everytime you're talking to someone else (again not in a possessive way but in a 'everyone is better than me' way). It gets pretty exhausting after awhile.

And Layla, who was used to Marc who didn't and doesn't do any of that, gets pretty tired of not having any independence when Steven is around.

Fic Part(s)

Layla still liked Steven a lot, and romantic feelings towards Steven were budding within her, but that kind of behavior was now putting a pretty heavy break on those emotions from growing any further.

She started to tell him obliquely that she needed more space, needed to breathe more. Steven being neuroatypical didn't always pick up on clues like these.

Layla usually had no difficulty being direct, she was however worried that telling Steven directly what the problems were would make him even more insecure and anxious.

If she still wanted to like him and keep their relationship however, she had no choice but to sit him down and tell him directly. She only needed to use velvet gloves to do so.

Layla : 'Steven, do you have a minute? I have a few things to tell you.'

Steven, sweating : 'hm yes'

Layla : 'Don't worry it's nothing big - well it is important but it's nothing bad or anything'

Steven nodded, his nervousness not abating.

They sat somewhere in their apartment, Layla facing him, close to him.

Layla : 'You're an amazing boyfriend. You're so dedicated and sweet and fun, I really like spending time with you.'

Steven : '...but ?'

Layla : 'I'm getting there. I only want you to really get what I'm feeling about you first, do you get that ?'

Steven : 'I...that's not...you find me annoying though, right ?'

Layla : 'This is not what I said, focus on what I said. What did I say ? No buts.'

Steven: 'That you like me ?'

Layla : 'Yes. A lot. Do you get that ?'

Steven : 'I get it but-'

Layla : 'good', she interrupted, 'I think our relationship is going well, there's ways it could go even better. Do you want know them ?'

Steven : 'I....'

Layla : 'They're things you can do, maybe some will be hard for you but I'll help you with them. It's not about who you are.'

Steven : '...Okay yes I want to know what I can do'

Layla : 'Good. Great', she squeezed his hands reassuringly, 'I'm used to...sometimes I like to do things on my own, you know? We don't have to do everything together when you're here. It's good to have some time to ourselves so the times we spend together feel even better.'

Steven : 'Of course, yes. I get that. You've told me, you've told me before you needed more space and that's what I'm doing.'

Layla : 'You're doing it ?' She tried not to sound too surprised.

Steven : 'Yes! I'm working hard on giving you more space.'

Layla : 'Oh'

Steven : 'You didn't see it ?'

Layla : 'No, no! I have!' She lied, 'It's just... maybe I could give you some tips so it'd be easier for you ?'

Steven : 'Okay'

Layla : '- like we don't always need to touch or talk, we can be in each other's company without interacting all the time. It's still good. And I don't always need help, if I do I'll ask okay ? Hey, it doesn't hurt to be selfish sometimes. I don't need to always be your priority. I won't get mad or dislike you for it.'

Steven : 'But you are my priority! I don't want it any different, and even if I wanted - your happiness is everything to me.'

Layla : 'If anyone should be your priority number 1 besides yourself- shouldn't it be Marc ?'

Steven : 'Uh, yeah he should. I mean he is, but...it's not the same, our relationship.'

Layla : 'Maybe you should treat me the same then ? You know, my happiness...I'd be happier knowing that you have other things in your life, that you put your own happiness first. Maybe it'd even help you being less anxious. You had things you loved, things you prioritized before we met right? I know you did.'

Steven : 'I did, I still do, but we have the same interests, I don't see why we couldn't do them together.'

Layla : 'We can still share our interests and do some of it together! But not all of it. Like reading, that's a pretty individual activity.'

Steven: 'Yeah....I've been interrupting your work a lot didn't I ? I'm so sorry.'

Layla gave him an half smile : 'Don't apologize, just try to not do it as much, can you do that ?'

Steven nodded : 'I can.'

Layla: 'And hey why don't you find another job in egyptology or archeology, you loved your last job didn't you ?'

Steven: 'I...I did. That's all I could get, really. I don't have any formal training in those fields, so I can't get any of the jobs I'd really love.'

Layla: 'You're passionate and you're very well read, you don't need formal training in those fields, you only need to show what you can do! I have connections remember? I'll help you find something!'

Steven : 'Really ?'

Layla : 'Yes! Of course! Let me do things for you too!'

Steven : 'Thank you!' He said emphatically. If she could find him a job in egyptology- if he could go back out there and be able to learn more, or teach, he'd be forever grateful.

Layla : 'I understand how difficult it can be to just trust what people say, what I say -'

Steven : 'I trust you !' He protested.

Layla : 'You do, but do you trust what I say about you ? What I tell you when I say how much I care about you ?'

Steven : 'I- no, I don't.' He said, eyes rounding in surprise at his own words. He'd never contemplated that idea long enough to know, and now he was facing it. She was right. He didn't believe her. 'It's not that I don't want to, it's -'

Layla: 'It's difficult to do, I know.' she said, her voice soft.

Steven : 'I don't even know why I don't !'

Why didn't he believe her, why was he so insecure? Was it only because he was inexperienced with love ? Or did their traumas not skip him as completely as they thought?

Layla : 'I don't think Marc believes me either'

Steven : 'he doesn't', he admitted. Maybe he shouldn't have said that, but it felt - appropriate, at that moment.

Layla : 'He never said it, but it's not hard to guess. Even with him, it shows. You're not as dissimilar as you think. As much as I wish I could change both your minds, as much as I am honest when I say it, I can't do much more to show you my love.'

Steven : 'I don't want you to believe that I don't appreciate everything you do for me, for us. I truly do! And I'm convinced he does too. It's just - those thoughts are hard to keep out for very long.'

Layla gave a reassuring smile : 'maybe you could help each other there ?' She paused, then said, 'Whenever I tell you a compliment or my feelings toward you, you'll have to trust me on it. You'll have to trust that if anything is wrong I'm gonna tell you, like I did today. And it's not because something needs to be fixed that I don't like or want you anymore okay ? You know I'm good at speaking my mind, it's no different here.'

Steven : 'I understand that, my feelings are another story. I didn't see it as not trusting you, it sounds like I'm - I'm not trying to disrespect you, I'm just -'

Layla: 'I know', she said softly, trying again to sound reassuring, 'that's not your intentions. I don't feel hurt by it, but I do feel - like I have to carry your feelings, if you get what I mean ?'

Steven : 'I think I do. I want to do everything you asked, I want to change. It's obvious that I - that how I've been behaving isn't making you happy...but I don't know if I'll be able to, I don't know if I can.'

Layla : 'It hasn't made me unhappy, not yet. That's why we're having this conversation, better safe than sorry right?'

Steven nodded

Layla: 'And I'm not asking you to change all that overnight, I only want you to give it your best try okay ? And I'll help. And you know, we've talked about a therapist before and...'

Steven : 'Yeah I'll, I'll get one. At least for me. I don't care what the others think about it at this point. We need a therapist. And if it's only me who uses the services, then so be it.'

Layla : 'It's gonna be beneficial I'm sure. You'll have someone to share your fears with.'

Steven : 'Even if I get help though, I'm not sure I'll be able to do everything you asked.'

Layla : 'Let's just take it one day at a time.'

**Later that day in their innerspace**

Steven told Marc about his conversation with Layla. Marc had some good advices to give, and some not-so-good ones, like :

Marc 'Do like me.'

Steven 'Repress my feelings ? I'm not able to do that !'

Marc 'No, not repress but... just don't- bring those things up with her. I got around the idea, well, I know she's gonna leave me. That's for sure. So, I try not to do anything to accelerate the process - well usually ...'

Steven : 'And talking about it would?'

Marc : 'Yeah, and...I have to - she wants me to open up more. Why I didn't before...it's not just that I'm not able to do it, it's that...that'd be something that would accelerate the process. If she...if she knew, everything that I've done, everything that I am, she'd see me for the monster I am.'

Steven : 'You're not a monster !'

Marc : 'Steven, you said it yourself'

Steven : 'I never said you were a monster !'

Marc : 'You didn't need to say the word, but you thought it didn't you? When you learned that I've...killed -'

Steven : 'I didn't know you back then, we've talked about this. And yes, you killed people, but you didn't kill any innocent, and you didn't take any pleasure in it. Is it still bad that you did those things ? Yes. But does it make you a monster ? No.'

Marc : '...'

Steven : 'She doesn't see you as a monster and she never will. Will she leave us? That I don't know, but I'm sure of one thing: she doesn't see you as a monster and neither do I.'

Marc : 'I really thought that would be it, after she learned what I did, that I let her father die, that I was responsible for -'

Steven : 'You couldn't have known he'd change his mind about killing those hostages'

Marc : 'Steven, it's Bushman, if you knew him...I knew what I was getting myself into I was just so damn stupid'

Steven : 'Marc...'

Steven closed the small distance between them and took him into his arms.

Steven, his head next to Marc's, said slowly : 'I'm going to get us a therapist'

Marc moved, as if he wanted to protest. Steven didn't give him the chance.

Steven : 'If you don't want to talk to them then don't. I don't care what you and Jake decide to do. I need it. I know you do too, but it's your choice.'

Marc : 'Okay '

**A few days later.**

It's Steven's turn to front again. He wanted to show Layla he could do it, be chill, not too clingy, not too insecure. Yes, he could do it.

Layla was still sleeping. He should keep himself busy, away from their bedroom. Yes. Why not finish one of the books he's started ?

An hour and 15 minutes later, Layla came down to the kitchen.

Layla : 'hi!'

Steven : 'Hello...Good - Good Morning!' Yes that's it, just a 'Good morning' nothing more.

He was seating in an armchair. He saw her move in the kitchen but the chair wasn't facing where she was. It's okay, he thought. He didn't have to fully see her, she was only getting breakfast. He should keep going on his reading and let her do her morning routine, yes.

For the next three hours, he felt her comings and goings in the apartment. He managed to not have more than a fifteen minute conversation with her. He would have congratulated himself if he'd been able to concentrate. He hadn't progressed in his reading at all, listening to the sounds she made in the apartment, resisting the urge to go see what she was doing, or talk to her or - she was busy. He was too. Or should be.

He felt her getting close to him.

Layla : 'How's it going ?'

Steven : 'Good, good, yes, good.' He replied, not able to hide his nervousness.

She rested her head against his.

Layla : 'What are you reading?'

Steven : 'oh it's hum Search for the Tomb of Osiris'

Layla : 'How is it ?'

Steven : 'oh it's, it's good ! Interesting yes! I - I haven't read much further than hum', he looked down at the book. The bookmark of the previous day had barely moved.

Layla took a few steps to stand in front of him, then crouched down to look at him, her brow furrowed.

Layla : 'You're sure you're OK?'

Steven : 'I- I am!'

Layla : 'So you haven't been staring at that page for an hour ?'

Steven : 'I- maybe. I promise I'm good- I'll be good, as you said it's a work in progress and I'm working on it !'

Layla : 'Okay I believe you'

She stood up and kissed his temple.

Layla : 'You're doing great.'

A small flutter of joy calmed his anxiety for a few seconds.

Layla came back in the living room half an hour later, putting a coat on.

Layla : 'I'm going out, I'll be back early evening. Will you still be there ?'

Steven jumped up. No no sit back down, sit back down.

Steven: 'Oh uh...you're going ?'

Don't say can I come with you, it's fine.

Layla : 'Yes, it's for work.'

Steven : '...cool'

She smiled fondly at him. He'd never said 'cool' before.

She asked if you'll be there when she'll be back, his thoughts reminded him. That meant 'will you still be fronting'.

Steven : 'oh and hum yes, I'll still be here tonight!'

Layla : 'Good, we could maybe watch something together when I'm back ?'

Steven : 'Yes! I mean...sure...why not?'

Her smile widened.

Layla : 'You're doing great', she said again, 'I won't be long.'

She kissed him on the cheek.

And with that, she walked to the door and left the apartment. Leaving him alone. With his thoughts.

** Around 5 PM the same day**

Layla : 'hi I'm back'

She heard a British voice respond : 'hey Layla !'

His speech was still hesitant, like he was measuring his words. He was really making a lot of efforts. She hoped it'd get easier for him with time.

She took her coat off. There was a delicious smell coming out of the kitchen. And a lingering smell of...cigarette. She swore she heard Steven's voice in the kitchen, maybe Jake had come by too while she was gone ?

Layla : 'Did Jake front today ?'

Steven : 'Oh, yes, only for a couple hours.'

So he did. She didn't know why he would have, it was Steven's day. Maybe it wasn't too important and she didn't need to ask.

She walked towards the kitchen.

Layla : 'How was your da - oh'

Steven was standing at the counter. The table was set, with what looked like a three course meal already ready to be eaten.

Steven, gesturing vaguely at what was on the table : 'I didn't do this for you, hum, I've finished my research on Osiris' tomb and I felt like cooking, for myself. Of course.'

Layla: 'And it just happened that your dinner was ready right when I came back ? And that you had enough for two ?', she said playfully.

Steven : 'Yes, a happy coincidence isn't it?' He responded with a similar tone.

Layla : 'Lucky me.'

She made her way to the refrigerator and opened it. The refrigerator was filled with Tupperware, freshly cooked food in each.

Layla : 'Wow, and what about all this ?'

Steven : 'oh, they're all for me too! It's for next week.'

Layla : 'You really felt like cooking today didn't you.'

Steven : 'I had nothing else to do so why not?' He tried for a nonchalant tone but didn't quite manage it.

Layla took one of the food containers out of the refrigerator.

Layla : 'Even this ?' She said, showing the plastic box with her favorite meal in it.

Steven : 'Of course it's for me. I've grown to like it. So don't touch.'

Layla: 'Hu-uh. So I can only take the leftovers if there's any left ?'

Steven : 'Exactly'

Layla : 'And if I were to - steal some of it ?'

Steven : 'You can try !' He said in fake defiance.

**A few weeks later**

Layla was reading quietly on the couch, legs against her chest.

Steven : 'Can I sit with you? Only for reading, of course.'

Layla looked up and gave him a beaming smile, patting the spot next to her on the couch : 'Come !'

Steven made sure to sit at the opposite end, mirroring her position, to leave a wide space between them.

They read in silence for a moment. He moved while they were both reading. His hand laid beside him on the couch without him realizing he'd put it there. He felt her hand squeeze his. He looked up in her direction. She just smiled in response. Her hand was still holding his. He could keep it there. They could hold hands while reading. He only had to get back to his book. She had. But he couldn't take his eyes away. She was so beautiful. The dim evening light coming from the nearest window made the side of her face shine, illuminating her freckles, her hair cascading on her shoulder.

Steven opened his mouth, he wanted to tell her again how much he loved her, how she was everything he could've ever asked for in a partner, how he'd do anything for her.

She turned her head towards him.

Layla : 'Yes ?'

Steven : 'I - uh - nothing.'

Layla : 'Nothing ?'

Steven : 'I've already told you this morning so I won't say it again today.'

She gave him her typical small but warm smile. Her finger caressing the top of his hand.

He needed to go back to reading.

He finally managed to turn his head back to his book.

Layla : 'I love you.'

Steven's head jerked back up.

Layla : 'I didn't say it today.' She had teasing sparkles in her eyes.

Steven : 'You are totally right.' He gave an exaggerated nod, smiling back at her.

This was a perfect evening.

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mahalshairyballs · 2 years

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Two small metas about Jake & Marc

Persecutor alters

The Marc system doesn't have persecutor alters, not really. Marc is his own persecutor, he's been doing it to himself since forever. When Marc learned about Jake's existence, Marc had an instant dislike and fear of him. He had to externalize it as hate towards him to not fall into even more mental distress. There was a reason why their subconscious shielded Marc against knowing about Jake.

With those intense negative emotions, Marc would find that, partly consciously and partly subconsciously, he now had someone else than himself to persecute. He finally had someone else to blame for everything. He could finally have some respite from his self-hate by redirecting his hate towards Jake.

So from the moment they met 'face to face', and for quite some time, Jake could do no right in Marc's eyes. He was to blame for everything, even things he had nothing to do with.

You know those people who thought/think that Jake is evil, emotionless, a psychopath who has no conscience etc. ? Well...Marc thought the same. He'd join that fanclub. Without even trying to know him, he'd think Jake was that immoral bloodthirsty emotionless killer.

Jake couldn't really defend himself. Since he'd get angry and retort back some choice words himself the moment Marc blamed him for something/was mean to him. And Marc felt vindicated every time it happened.

And Jake, there's no better way to say it, would be heartbroken. Marc was his Steven, and Marc was acting *even worse* than Steven had been acting with Marc (or at least, they didn't have that travel in the duat to snap him out of it).

Fortunately or unfortunately, Jake had his ego to protect him from Marc's attacks. At least to protect him from showing how hurt he felt.

Steven might tell Jake to stop with his ego though. Tell him that it's not making things any better between the two of them. Once Steven truly understood how sad Marc's behavior made Jake feel, he'd advise him to actually show it. Show to Marc how it was affecting him. At least it would show Marc that Jake wasn't emotionless. It might even take him by surprise and destabilize him, since Marc was so used to Jake replying with his own insults.

Steven also did try to convince Marc that Jake wasn't who Marc thought he was, and vouched for him, but it didn't make much progress.

So. Does the Moon Knight system have a persecutor alter ? Kinda ? Sort-of ? Let's say yes, but it's very malleable and they don't realize that's what Marc is doing.

***

Impersonating alters

I'm pretty sure Jake has learned to co-front silently, at least with Marc. How often did he do it? Idk. Often enough, but not all the time.

I don't think he did it while they were growing up, but Jake always knew he wasn't alone in their body. Because of how long his black-outs were and how often he fronted in the middle of something happening or about to happen - which were very often bad things.

Maybe one day, in their teenage years or early adulthood, Jake fronted for longer than an hour where he had to interact with people who knew Marc. Not being used to it, he acted as himself, which was quite different than how Marc would've acted. And this either got people around him asking what was happening to him/giving him weird looks/questions/judgements or it just plainly led them into trouble. So Jake learned that day that being 'himself' wasn't a good idea, and that he should learn to be Marc, or act more like him. It might be when Jake started to silently cofront, just observing Marc and his life. To learn who he was, how he acted. It also helped him be more prepared when he had to front actively in a crisis situation.

And it would also be when Jake would learn to care more about Marc. To feel this longing, this envy, when he saw Marc live his life. That's when Marc became his Steven.

Jake always cared about Marc since the first and only time they met when they were children, but he never knew him. Now he was learning to.

And now Marc saw him, talked to him, and hated him.

#moon knight #moon knight meta #moon knight essays #Jake Lockley #marc spector #nobody expects the spanish lockley #jake lockley isn't unreasonable #marc spector tries his best #marc spector deserves everything #hugging the marc system forever #we love our moon dummies #moon knight character analysis #moon knight headcanon #hope people won't dislike Marc for his shitty attitude towards Jake #it's (partly) not his fault and he'll get over it #I love him so much you guys #but he's far from perfect #the last one came from commets I've seen similar to this #How many times did Marc look in the mirror not knowing he was looking at Jake?

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mahalshairyballs · 2 years

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The Moon Boys and sexual experience

When was their 'first time'

Steven : ...34

Marc : Wow and I thought my 20 was late

Jake : 14

Steven : what ?

Marc : what ?

Jake : what? The body was horny

Marc : not particularly...

Steven : I don't remember that...

Jake : well I took care of it for us, you're welcome

Steven & Marc : ...

Marc : when was your first time with, hum, a man ?

Jake : 14

Marc : ...

Jake : with a girl it was 16 I think, remember that girlfriend you had in high school ?

Marc : I wouldn't really call her a girlfriend we were sort of on-and-off, two fucked up kids being fucked up together. I didn't even sleep with her

Jake : Well I did

Steven: I don't even want to know about any of those stories...

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mahalshairyballs · 2 years

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I've been thinking again about 616!Marc and MCU!Marc and about trash baby Matty and...

Who is really the most violent of the two, Jake or Marc ?

(Plot-twist it's Steven lmao/jk)

How do we define what's 'most violent' ?

We've never actually seen Marc punish someone in the show for Khonshu.

He's been working for Khonshu, he's killed in self-defense but we haven't seen him "protect the travelers of the night' like he usually did. What does it look like? How does he do it ?

It reminds me of what Oscar said about Khonshu who could be seen as a metaphor...

I think the one who can go into unbridled rage is Marc, not Jake (well Jake can too but only in very specific situations and they haven't happened yet).

Khonshu was right, Marc enjoys punishing people. It's after the fact that he regrets it. That he feels horrible about having enjoyed it. That he thinks his mom was right about him...

Which is very similar to at least season 1 Matt Murdock : he does enjoy hurting the bad guys. That darkness inside him, that 'devil' he lets out, he tries to harness it for good, but himself and people he loves worry it'll push him to become the very thing he hates.

Marc is the same. If he saw an abuser, any sort of abuser, and Khonshu told him to go make that abuser pay ? He did it, with all the fury of a vengeful spirit. Once it was done however, that person's death just added to his already tremendous guilt. Marc didn't really thought rationally about what he did, he just had this thirst for vengeance that Khonshu took advantage of.

Remember that flashback when he first met Khonshu ? Marc wasn't going to accept Khonshu's proposal at first. Partly because he thought he was hallucinating, partly because he just wanted to end it. When Khonshu first said 'I'm in search of a warrior' Marc replied 'good luck with that',

then Khonshu talked about vengeance and punishing abusers. Then Marc listened...and let Khonshu into his heart, that's why Khonshu started to appear physically to him then.

In some comics storyline Marc is the most violent one. He needs Jake and Steven to rein him in. So I did like I did with Jake and blended all versions of Marc into one. So I think this element is still partially true for MCU!Marc. Contrary to what Marc thinks of himself though, he's not always violent or inherently so (none of them are) but he has those moments of blind rage when he sees people being abused.

Khonshu only took advantage and profited from that. It was already there within Marc.

And if he's not stopped, sometimes even Jake could say 'wow that was intense Marc'.

So then we can ask, why was Marc so alarmed when he came back from his blackouts where Jake replaced him?

A few things. One, who wouldn't? It's not because he's used to killing bad guys that he wouldn't be shocked to awaken in front of freshly dead bodies he doesn't remember killing. It takes the top position within the fear of losing control of yourself : waking up having killed people you didn't remember killing and you didn't want to kill. Marc didn't even know if these guys 'deserved' to die. Not everyone deserves to die in Marc's mind, and he already feels bad enough after killing the ones who do 'deserve to die' in his mind.

And two, yeah Marc only wants to kill abusers, he doesn't want to kill innocent people, or even people who aren't horrible. How does he know who Jake is killing? How can he control who Jake can kill ?

So what about Jake ?

Well, it's very hard to say whether Jake is more violent, brutal or if he kills more than Marc does. And I don't think I'll ever say it's one more than the other, that's not very relevant to me. What we do know, is that Jake is more efficient. He has a particular set of skills. Which tells me that Jake is less sloppy, less full of rage when he kills ?

Jake is definitely not emotionless when he kills/hurts people (psychopath stereotype shoooo, go away *wave hands*), but he doesn't feel an all incompassing emotion that skew his judgment either. Actually, he might feel at least satisfied of what he's doing. He takes his role, his job, his duty, seriously. And being Moon Knight is just an extension of what he was already doing for the system. Protecting the vulnerable, making the bad guys pay. He could even be proud of it, proud of how he does it too. You gotta take pride in what you can right? He has a few talents, and that's one of them. I truly think Jake thinks he's doing the right thing, he truly believes in Khonshu's crusade.

Jake is a professional. And he won't leave any loose ends. He'll always win.

We didn't get much from Jake in season 1, but from the one line we got from him in the aftercredit, that's what I could read out of it.

Remember when I said Jake is very emotional on the inside? That still applies there...kinda. He does feel all those things when he does 'his duty', but being the weird dude with weird priorities he is, he gets way more emotional in other situations. This all goes down again to : what he's used to deal with and what's new to him. He gets way more emotional for the latter.

So now, back to Marc (and Steven) and a bit on where they would be after season 1.

I liked the closing line that Steven said 'we'd rather go save the world'. It can mean a few different things. One of them is part of Steven's story-arc. Steven has learned to enjoy adventures and being a hero. And with Marc's help and his newfound confidence, Steven can handle himself in heroing situations.

So post-season 1 Steven might want to keep being a hero in some ways. A more 'normal' one with no powers, and not killing anyone, but still fighting for people who need help. He'll be enthusiastic about finding ways to do that, and would want Marc to join him in this endeavor.

Marc's like for his depression hatred towards abusers and violent tendencies aren't gone because Khonshu is (seemingly) gone. I'd see them stumble across a crime scene that's about to happen/in-action and Marc just losing it.

Steven waking up somewhere later, clothes covered in blood.

Steven 'What happened!?!' What did Jake do !?!

Marc 'I'm really sorry Steven, I...I saw [guy abusing someone] and couldn't stop'

Steven 'you did this !?! Marc ! We...we're covered in blood!'

Marc 'I'm sorry'

Steven 'we don't have the suit anymore, it won't just disappear! We...we could be arrested!'

Or even, this could be how Marc finds out they're still Moon Knight.

He's facing an abuser, he's full of hate and rage and wishes he had something to kill that piece of shit right on the spot. But he doesn't have a gun, not even a knife with him, nothing. Only his bare hands. If only he could summon his moonarangs again, it would be quick.

And then he feels his fist closing around something. He looks down. It's his moonarang. What. His fist is wearing a white glove too...the Moon Knight suit is on him....what.the.fuck.

Jake will have some explaining to do.

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mahalshairyballs · 2 years

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A Jake and Steven scene this time, with some talk about Jake

We know Steven and Marc are Jewish, because they share the same childhood memories of before Steven's 'birth' (minus Randall...). Jake on the other hand is uh, well nothing. He has no faith.

I have this idea that their brain has been very cruel to Jake in more than one way. Jake doesn't share a lot of memories with them because he 'didn't need them' for what his role was supposed to be.

I don't even know if he got any of their early school memories, and even if he did - he might have forgotten all about them. Contrary to Steven who often fronted in school for Marc (see previous Steven headcanon), Jake barely ever went to school.

So Jake might not even be aware they're Jewish, and might not even know or remember anything from their school days *

Little fic scenes time

As stated in my previous metas about Jake, Jake never fronted continously for that long, at most a couple days if even. So he never really had the luxury of figuring out who he was. He just knew he wasn't Marc. So he didn't disrupt Marc's life that much, or change anything about the body, he didn't see the point of doing that.

Now that they were letting him front for longer, he could figure out what his aesthetics were. In addition to that hat, he tried to grow a mustache. Both Steven and Marc were against it. So he had to get a fake one. It looked real enough.

There was this necklace the body was often wearing. Jake looked at it in the mirror. It reminded him too much of Marc, he didn't really like it. So he took it off in one tug and left it on the drawer.

** A day or so later, Steven is fronting **

Steven : 'Layla, do you know what happened to our star of David necklace ?'

Layla, coming into the bedroom : 'No, what happened?'

Steven: 'It's broken !'

Steven showed her the necklace in his hand, it was indeed broken.

Steven : 'Did Marc break it ?'

Layla : 'I don't remember if he did, maybe ? Wouldn't he have told you ?'

Steven : ' He would, he knows we both care about it, he wouldn't just pretend nothing happened to it...'

Layla : 'Then if it's neither of you...maybe it's Jake? He did front yesterday.'

Steven : 'I'll ask him.'

Steven manipulated the golden chain one last time with saddened eyes.

Layla : 'It can be repaired I'm sure', she said rubbing Steven's back for comfort.

** Later that day in their innerspace **

Steven : 'Jake, did you break our necklace?'

Jake : 'What necklace?'

Steven : 'The star of David one !'

Jake : '???'

Steven : 'this one !' Steven showed an exact replica which appeared in his hand.

Jake : 'Oh! Hm, I took it off.'

Steven : 'By breaking it !?'

Jake : '...yeah, sorry'

Steven : 'Look, this necklace is important to Marc and I. If you don't want to wear it it's fine, but next time can you take it off normally ? I'll get it repaired.'

Jake : 'Sure, no problem. Sorry again, I didn't think it would upset you.'

Steven : 'Just don't break our stuff again okay ?'

Jake : 'Got it.'

** Another day, in their bedroom **

Jake : 'Layla! Can you take this off ?'

Layla got out of her sitting position on the bed and walked to him. Jake pointed at the golden necklace on his neck.

Layla : 'gimme a few seconds', she opened the chain's lock, 'here you go'.

Jake : 'thanks'

Layla was about to delicately place the necklace on the nightstand when a thought crossed her mind.

Layla : 'Do you know how to take off a necklace?'

Jake : 'yeah...sure...I...do'

Layla giggled : 'you don't know how !'

Jake : 'Look, it's not like it's in my job description okay. I had other stuff to think about.'

Layla : 'relax, I'm poking fun', she said still giggling, 'here let me show you.'

Tl;dr Jake pulled on the chain because he didn't know how to take off a necklace.

Jake is quite an interesting character, he's very knowledgeable in some stuff, but then isn't aware of very basic things. He's rarely a dick on purpose (except to Marc just for the fun of annoying him) he just has a lot left to learn.

If Jake doesn't know/remember much about basic schooling, Steven will teach him. Steven will also happily teach him about Judaism. I think Steven would make a good teacher, and he'd enjoy it.

* putting this part at the end for cw abuse

There's a way more crushing aspect of it too. I think Jake might not even have been aware who that woman torturing him was, until Marc told him, the only time they spoke when they were children. And then Marc completely forgot about that interaction. But Jake didn't. As Steven was who got Marc to keep going, Marc was the one who got Jake to keep going. What he was going through wasn't completely senseless anymore - it was still completely unjustified evil and cruel - but Jake wasn't completely lost about it anymore.

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mahalshairyballs · 2 years

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Marc : Jake, you need to stop having so much sex, the body doesn't have any sex drive left for me !

Jake : nah that's your depression

Marc : shut up !

#Jake doesn't have that much sex Marc!#Jake is right...#smaller things today #moon knight #marc spector #jake Lockley #marc spector deserves everything #nobody expects the spanish lockley #jake lockley isn't unreasonable #hugging the marc system forever #incorrect moon knight quotes

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mahalshairyballs · 2 years

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A small headcanon I've been alluding to in my metas/fics snippets. Just putting it more clearly here.

Jake isn't a morning person. At all. Coming from his habit of fronting - when he does it for more than 2 minutes - at night. It wasn't only because of Marc that Steven was so damn tired.

Jake is a night owl, and he usually sleeps in. So he's rarely the one fronting in the morning (or anytime before noon tbh). It's usually either Steven or Marc. And Marc isn't very comfortable waking up in Jean-Paul's bed in the mornings, so Steven volunteered to wake up first those days.

That's how Steven and Jean-Paul got to know each other. They got into a little morning routine with time, taking tea, talking in French etc.

The more Steven spend time with Jean-Paul, the more he understood why Marc & Jake liked him so much. And then he might even get a little crush on him himself...

#jake : partner stealer!#steven : it's a platonic crush!#jake *doesn't believe him*#moon knight headcanon #Steven grant #jake x frenchie #jake Lockley #we love our neuroatypical british nerd angel here #nobody expects the spanish lockley

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mahalshairyballs · 2 years

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Jake meta

cw : well his whole existence is a trigger warning tbh

Let's just put into words a synthesis of the headcanons I have about Jake, so you can understand why my Jake is the way he is in those fic summaries I write.

Jake is the physical protector alter we all agree on that? He's pushed to front during high stress and high physical threat to their lives.

He must not have fronting all that often outside these situations up until now. If he did Marc & Steven (or at least Marc) would've been more suspicious that another alter exists. He must have fronted a little bit more than that though, because Khonshu was fully aware of Jake's existence. And Khonshu has been using Jake as much as Marc, way before the endcredit scene we got. Khonshu didn't make a new deal with Jake, he just never let Jake free, he wasn't included in that ep 6 deal.

So I think Khonshu fucked Marc over in more than one way here (which could probably be how we're lead into a season 2). Jake being Khonshu's avatar for almost as long as Marc was, he would've fronted for the Moon Knight missions Marc would've refused to do - or at least argued with Khonshu over them. So Jake would've fronted more often in that period of time since Marc became Khonshu's avatar. Jake would've gotten a taste of life outside the few moments where he has to save their asses, if only to do Moon Knight stuff. He got to know more what 'normal' life is (and even more-so after season 1). He might have start to want this, want a life outside the very specific moments where he can front.

If you thought Marc had issues- and he definitely does - just wait to hear about Jake's.

So if all this is indeed the case, Jake indeed fronted to take the physical abuse during their childhood. It may be all that Jake remembers of his childhood. Just constant pain, over and over again. Not understanding why it's happening to him, not having anyone to help, not having any other memories but this constant aching pain.

Imagine what that would do to someone.

First time Jake fronted without an imminent threat to their body would be either in the mental hospital, or in the army. And as BraiDIDbunch said themselves, when you're so used to bad things happening to you constantly, you can't fully relax, you can't put your guards down. Because surely, something awful will happen any second now right? And that's how Jake must have felt, the first times he fronted without having to protect them. It must have happened a few random times, for various reasons. It didn't happen often. Often he still had to protect them against something- maybe that's how he did his frst kill. But when everything was quite, Jake was still very tense, his senses were still on high alert, waiting for the inevitable threat. I don't think he ever learned to truly calm down. Not up to season 2 at least.

Marc also has this state of mind, but in a different way than Jake. Marc's is mostly his inability to be happy, his distrust and pessism. Good things aren't meant to last. If he even believes that he can deserve good things happening to him.

Jake's could even lead to self-fulfilling prophecies (Marc's too actually). If no danger came to him, he was going to get to the danger himself. Which might have gotten him in trouble in the army - and even in their later jobs. But it might also have made him Duchamp's best asset when they were mercenary.

Another impact this childhood had on Jake is his inability to connect emotionally with anyone - and to receive any kind of physical affection. (Also what would explain the surface impression that he's just an assassin).

But, assuming that he's allosexual (which is my headcanon since an asexual assasin is its own Tropetm) he'd still crave this physical proximity to others sometimes. And since he still doesn't front for long enough to develop any significant relationship anyway, he'd be better just to get hookups and casual sex.

That's all he can afford, both emotionally and because of time.

So he'd sleep with people whenever he wants to/can. He would, knowingly or unknowingly, eventually crave the emotional proximity that comes with it. He'd definitely crave just existing, like a normal person. Even if he still doesn't fully know what it's like, nor can he fully relax in 'normal down times' like this. Just experiencing every day stuff, going to restaurants, on dates...he'd want more of that.

And he, almost assuredly, would resent Steven & Marc for having a life while he doesn't (that doesn't mean he'd work against their collective best interests, but this would be part of the elements why he wouldn't want to be friends with them, or cooperate more than the bare minimum with them. Also why he'd stay Khonshu's avatar).

I think Jake is aware of at least Marc, maybe both of them, but he doesn't feel the need to let them know he exists (and it's in Khonshu's interests that Marc doesn't know about Jake as we saw. So maybe Khonshu even dissuaded Jake from letting himself be known to them at some point).

Would all that make him not able to socialize with othet people? Yes and no. As I said, in the past few years he's had more practice just interacting with people. And I think he's naturally charming. He might be pretty good at just shallow flirting to get what he wants (he went to the Khonshu class of manipulation). We inferred that with the date he got with Dylan and with the aftercredit when he talked to that nurse. Didn't take long for her to let him go (the Spanish helped of course ahah).

So, is Jake a womanizer? No, not really because he's bi lmao. Is he promiscuous? Well yeah, kind of. But that's because he has no other choices at the moment.

So Jake, like all three of these dummies, has a lot of work to do on himself. A lot.

But I think he'll get there. He's working on it in my head-fic at least.

He cuddled with Layla for the first time after more than a year living with them

#cw child abuse #cw trauma #cw physical abuse #cw child physical abuse #jake lockley isn't unreasonable #nobody expects the spanish lockley #jake lockley #*hugging the marc system forever*#moon knight #moon knight spoilers #moon knight meta #marc spector #khonshu is a lil shit

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mahalshairyballs · 2 years

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' [Moon Knight] is a love story between members of a system'

- Best quote from this video

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mahalshairyballs · 2 years

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I'll do a post on where each Moon boys are on different scales of characteristics. I love those!

Right now, I'll just give a little example. And since I've been talking about love a lot lately, here's a little comparison with each Moon boys and how they feel with the word 'I love you'.

(This is a little synthesis. Since everything in this post I mentioned at least once before but never all together)

The words 'I love You' and the Marc system

Marc and Jake are opposites in this.

Jake can't hear it, Marc can't say it.

...And Steven compensates

Marc

Marc is, in fact, able to say 'I love you' but it's very hard for him. Every time he says it, it's like he's giving his SOs something very delicate and precious to him and they'll throw it on the ground and smash it with their foot.

Every time he says it, his brain gives him flashbacks of all the worst things that person has ever said to him. So it's not so much as paranoia spiraling as having to relive all the hurtful things, all the worst memories he has with that one person all over again.

Marc : 'I love you Layla'

Layla : hm your best feature was your suit, and you don't even have that anymore

Marc : 'what....'

Layla *confused* :' I said I love you too'

Marc :' I love you Steven'

Steven : you're a liar, I don't trust anything you say, you hurt people

Marc : ...

Steven *concerned* : 'what's happening Marc ?'

Marc :' I....'*Shakes his head*

While when Marc's SO tells him 'I love you', Marc just thinks 'cool story bro, that's not true though'.

So he handles people telling him they love him by..not handling it at all. Not considering it could be true.

Jake

Jake has no problem saying those words. He can say it whenever, however he wants to whoever he wants - whether it's true or not. That's the thing, Jake saying 'I love you' doesn't mean he means it, he could be lying, it could be genuine. You don't really have a way to know for sure which one it is. *

*there's actually a few ways to know of he's telling the truth, Steven and Marc could tell Jake's SO what he really feels about them. But there isn't any clues about it in Jake's body language. He's a great liar and charmer.

Jake can't hear it being said to him though. Unlike Marc who only has a hard time saying 'I love you', Jake's inability to hear those words directed at him is almost literal.

His brain goes :

And it's the closest to a lost little boy you'll ever see him look like. And he'll often run away - hiding in their mind - after this.

At this point, it's just better to not tell him with words...or physical affection...

But hey, there's still some love languages left to use!

Steven

I won't restate everything I said in my Steven and love essay I just wrote, I'll just give the tl:dr of it.

Steven needs to both hear and say it a lot. The moment he feels love he wants to say it, and if the SO doesn't reply the same it might give him more anxiety.

He'll learn to tone it down though, and Layla does tell him she loves him back most of the time.

That's why being in a relationship with Marc will still be a big adjustment for Steven.

Steven : 'when was the last time Marc told you he loved you ?'

Layla : 'hm, you mean not counting last week? I don't know...last year maybe?'

Steven : 'last...year !?!' O___O

At the beginning of their relationship Marc didn't even want to hear Steven say he loved him. For him it was just this weird...hookup thingy with a mess of feelings attached to it. It was better not to talk about it, not to acknowledge it.

Fortunately Layla helped Steven there, because if Steven couldn't tell Marc 'I love you' for two more days he might have internally exploded.

#ok not publishing big ones today I swear #moon knight #moon knight headcanon #marc spector #Steven grant #jake Lockley #layla x steven x marc #steven grant x layla el faouly #layla el faouly x marc spector #jake x frenchie #steven grant x marc spector #trauma : love deprivation #feelings are haaard man #marc spector deserves everything #we love our moon dummies #we love our neuroatypical british nerd angel here #hugging the marc system forever #nobody expects the spanish lockley

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