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#it was surprisingly hard to write
fivewholeminutes · 4 months
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so. wembley.
Once I have finally gathered my wits the words did not want to stop coming. This rambling is long; apologies for that. And for the messed up tenses I hate tenses we only have one past tense why is English like this
No photos/videos yet, they are still not properly checked/deleted/edited by me.
It was. Unsurprisingly. One of the best days of my life. But also, I don't remember much from my life, so don't trust me on this one. (Kidding, it totally WAS one of the best days of my life). And uhh... I have a problem with processing events and emotions, so it still feels like I have seen it on a TV screen instead of, you know, actually, physically having been there? Idk how to explain that, I still have to convince my brain that I've been there. I feel detached from it completely. But!! I!! Have!! Been!! There!!
I woke up so early that foxes were still roaming the streets. Didn't talk much with people around me in the queue (hello anxiety), but they were lovely! I signed the blue flag for iii from me & Lia, got the sticker for Projekt Atlantic, received some bracelets, exchanged some bracelets, put some sea creatures tattoos on people (LIA I FORGOT TO GIVE YOU THE WHALE!!!), slept on a pavement, bought merch for myself and others (I've never had anyone to buy concert merch for before, it's such a nice feeling 🥺).
And queueing for so long was so fucking worth it! Third row, baby!! For the first time in the middle!! (Which was my downfall later, but the pre-show me was not aware of that just yet). I couldn't actually hear HEALTH that well, but I really liked their drummer, he was enjoying himself and his joy was contagious. (I've checked them later though and. Last album, my beloved.) During the break, well, you all know what was happening, I have been liveblogging everything (sorry about that <3). The moment someone in the crowd literally screeched when they saw the new masks on instagram was a blessing, I wouldn't have survived seeing them in new masks without a warning. Also, my blind ass would probably realise 3 songs in that they have different masks, I shit you not. Besides, it was super fun having a mental breakdown here on tumblr with y'all <3
When Espera entered the stage, everything else stopped being of any importance to me. I remember my first thought was "oh yeah, sure, the ladies are dressed up and moving like this and you expect me to focus on anything else that is happening on this stage?". And of course, my second thought was "I GOTTA TAKE PICTURES FOR DARYA". Naturally, I was trying to keep up with everything else anyway. I haven't seen ii all too well though and it makes me sad :( Alas. I've had a good vantage point for the ladies. Yeah. Brain went brrrrr every time I was looking at them. Where was I again-
I was still coughing at that time. I got a terrible coughing fit after literally 3 short screams during HEALTH and my idiot ass has left all the lozenges except one in the hotel room an hour before the door opening. I thought I would have to spend the rest of the night not singing along nor screaming and felt utterly heartbroken for a few minutes, but after my Holy Grail Lozenge (and a LOT of water from the venue's crew) my cough has abandoned me for the duration of the whole ritual (thank you, Sleep). Even though, when Sam told us that we have to sing, my only thought was "I CAN'T FUCKING SING EITHER, MATE". But I did. Oh, I so fucking did. I sung my lungs out and did not cough even ONCE.
But you know. I was exhausted, anxious, surrounded by strangers and had more sugar in my veins than red cells at that point, so I wasn't my best self. I really thought the karaoke was for shits and giggles at first. "Oh yeah, it's The Most Popular Song, let's see how it sounds when 10k people sing it without the singer's help!", you know. Thought it was for the recording the announcements warned us about. But then we sung Granite. Ohhhkay. And then The Love You Want - certainly not a song they would leave for an impropmtu singalong. It was then that I (belatedly) realised that yeah, something really was wrong and so my heart broke again. So many preparations! Their biggest gig so far! Even iii managed to be there! And something had to happen!! Specifically!! To Vessel!! Of all people!! That was just not fair. He totally didn't deserve this. But it's just life and its endless fucking bad surprises for everyone, huh.
I didn't have enough time to collect all the broken pieces of my heart from the sticky floor and mend them after this realisation, because after Vessel joined the singing for the last few lines of TLYW, he dropped to his knees in front of us crying and thanking everyone. That sight is now carved into my brain. This is when I realised the 3rd row was a mistake. The psychic damage it gave me is irrevocable. Do you have those moments that you will never forget? A few seconds of an (usually traumatic) experience that will haunt you forever, replaying in your mind like a broken record? It was a bit like this for me. It wasn't traumatic, mind you, but it was definitely something that made a permanent dent in my heart and a home in my brain. And I wouldn't change it anyway.
Another thing that made me think that I will just fall down and never get up was iii & iv's hug. It was. So full of love and reassurence. Idk, you could just feel that emitting from them, okay? I was standing there thinking "yeah sure, just fucking murder me tonight instead, okay. Should've kept staring at Espera only-". Ah yes. The ladies. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Where was I again-
The goosebumps when the whole venue yelled "they won't be missing you" during Nazareth, oh my fucking god. On my previous rituals, in way smaller venues, there's always been a handful of people screaming it. And everyone doing it? Unparalleled feeling. Bordering on the shrimp emotions scale.
The lights were spectacular. I cannot describe how amazing the light show was. I am sending a kiss to each and every light crew member.
Also, Vessel being more emotional during the ritual as a whole. The TLYW moment was the worst for me, but there were many others. (Ascensionism and Bloodsport stabbing me with a rusty knife the most.) I mean, who could've blamed him for the emotions, he would probably be very emotional even without the voice issues. Who wouldn't be!! It was a big night, after all. God, it must have been so difficult for him, I really, really fucking hope the love coming from his bandmates, crew and the crowd was enough to help him focus on the good parts of the evening only. And!! It wasn't even that bad!!! Sure, he lost his voice for a while, but once it was back you could!! Barely!! Hear!! The difference!! I have a whole new level of respect for Vessel because of that. And for staying onstage with us for the songs he couldn't sing. Didn't know I could respect him even more than I already did, but hey. Love being surprised like that. I have seen concerts where the singers were singing way worse live while being completely healthy. Like sure, you could notice he's not using so many uhh, how do you call this in English, vocal ornamentations??? and that his voice is strained, but it was still beautiful. Take care of your voice now though, dude, jfc. Thanks for the sacrifice, much appreciated, but TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL FUCKING FIND YOU- (kidding, kidding. or am i.) I also liked that he was leaving the more screamy moments in songs for us. Aiming the microphone at us, positive we'll have his back. Like yeah, yeah, other bands do that relatively often, but it's not something they usually do, you know.
I can't vouch for everyone in the crowd, but I sure as fuck did not have a SINGLE thought that the show sucks because of his voice issues. Like it didn't even occur to me. Honest to god. I was shocked when I saw on tumblr that people were leaving? Asking for a refund????????????? I was having the time of my life singing those songs. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, probably!! Who can say they karaoked whole 3 songs with the band playing for them live?? Your local karaoke bar could never. (Bonus points, you could hear Espera better bc of that! Yes, I know, you are not supposed to hear backing vocals too loud in general, I'm just saying it was nice hearing them, bc usually I hear them on recordings only.)
Yeah, sure I was disappointed after the show that there was no Euclid, but that's just me, a total whore for Euclid. It's a completely different thing than being a bitch who leaves halfway, because something out of the ordinary has been happening.
Anyways. I would like to wish all the crowdsurfers a very fuck you. Hope you will all step on a lego every day for the rest of your lives <3
Crowdsurfers and constant giving away of water (which I understand, it was terribly hot there and it was needed) were a bit distracting, I missed some things because of the commotion, the drum solo has been disrupted by me getting a (fortunately very light) kick in the mouth and DRUM SOLO IS SACRED. I HOPE THE CROWDSURFER WHO DECIDED TO GO UP IN THAT MOMENT WILL STEP ON 3 LEGOS DAILY. IT'S LITERALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE RITUAL FOR ME AND THEY HAVE RUINED IT. Thanks to another crowdsurfer, I missed the moment the band was throwing stuff into the crowd and I promised Lia I will catch a pick/drumstick for them!!!!!!! I've had a banner for this occassion and all!!!!! And!!!!! For the whole time things were flying from the scene!!!! I have been under someone's legs and ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Side note: Vessel was throwing away his rings. That's so fucking cool, ahh.
All in all, half of the things that happened there, I've learned from tumblr. The announcements about the recording, people leaving, Vessel being covered in runes (I WAS STANDING RIGHT BEFORE HIM AND DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING. A N Y T H I N G. I HATE BEING A BLIND IDIOT), the Espera ladies laughing at iii for not coming to the photo, hell, even Vessel trying to get his attention. I have NO idea what I've been doing back then, it's a blur again lmao. And. The most important thing: Vessel's "thank you". I didn't catch it back then. I don't hear it on my recording. Tbh I couldn't believe y'all for a long while that it really happened (I'm sorry). But it did and you know what? I'm glad the broken pieces of my heart were left on the arena's floor earlier during the show. I don't want them anymore.
I would also like to thank that one security guy in huge headphones who was our warning that another fucking crowdsurfer was coming our way. I hope the headphones guy's pillow is always cold on both sides, his skin clear, his crops- and so on. Our hero <3
There was also a moment during Atlantic (another important moment disrupted. Smh) where 2 security persons dived into the crowd?? I still have no idea what was happening, bc if someone faints for example, they are always brught to the barricade by the crowd and security picks them up, I've never seen security getting into the crowd before. And because of that, people around me were talking loudly during Atlantic. Kill kill murder kill
Still, Projekt Atlantic was a huge success and I am so proud of the organisers!! They're in the same category of lovely people as the big headphones security guy
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Sending a kiss to @murderofcrow for this gif 🖤
To sum up. I will forever be grateful for this band. This music has activated the dormant parts of my mind. I am making art again. I am meeting cool people because of them. I have people to talk about it with who are as excited about it as I am. For the first time in ages I really feel alive again. And life is not good, far from it, to be completely honest with you, they haven't magically fixed all my problems, but I do have something that actually fucking works on me. I know Vessel wouldn't agree, but they are saving people. And you all, lovely ST pocket of tumblr motherfuckers who are reading this, you are saving people too.
And, last but not least!! In hot pink, because I can! Thanks to this ritual I could finally meet @vesselsscarlet and @thevenomousseprent in person!!!!!!!!! I love you guys, you are amazing and I can't wait to see you again 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 You've made me feel so loved that weekend and it's something I haven't felt in a while!!
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neocentral · 10 months
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rating: 18+. mdni.
masterlist
Your arms are tightly wrapped around Jisung’s back, nails grazing his soft skin as you reach for his hair to pull him deeper into your neck. He pants into the crevice, hot puffs and noises of pleasure muffled within it. The movements of his hips are slow and precise, his cock hitting the spot that has you whimpering into his ear and your split thighs trembling around his body fit between the space.
Your eyes open, catching a glimpse of the luxurious headboard and fixtures of light around the room, Jisung’s pale, bare shoulders and soft dark hair, and your hands grasping at any part of him you can reach. You let your eyelids flutter shut, unable to rip your attention from his warmth and the pleasure brought with it. It feels intimate. It has for weeks.
Jisung is a romantic, you knew that before your arrangement had begun. And despite his efforts to deny it, it was clear that nothing had changed. Made even more so by the increasing romantic gestures each time he gave in to his desires. A bouquet of flowers to your favorite takeout and everything in between. Even during the most innocent moments like when he soothingly rubbed your feet or gently tended to your hair, his touches, his glances, his words were tender. 
This time was no different. The hotel room is nice, far too nice for a struggling university student like he is to afford, but you said nothing of it as you pushed your way inside, distracting yourself by locking your lips with his and desperately pawing at his hoodie. Jisung let you, swallowing his words and giving in to your touch, relishing in it. His body’s reaction was immediate, skin burning and heart thumping as he followed your lead.
Jisung thrusts harshly as if he senses your wandering mind, forcing a whine from your throat. Gentle sucks trail up the column of your throat as Jisung makes his way up to your mouth. Soft kisses are laid on your lips between hot pants that blend with his the closer you get to your climaxes. 
His lithe fingers slither between your sweaty bodies, taking his time approaching your core to savor the feeling of your skin underneath his fingertips. He begins to swirl the flat pads of his digits around your swollen bud in the way he has grown so familiar with. You gasp shakily, the stimulation to your clit and the pounding of his stiff cock in your gummy walls causing you to feel weightless, falling limp with one last scratch down his back. 
Your walls spasm around him as you cum, eliciting a groan from the man above you. Jisung uses you mercilessly, abandoning the slow pace he had used during your intimate encounter. You whimper, writhing beneath him as he overstimulates you. Tears fill your waterline and Jisung lays sweet pecks to your face as his body tenses and his thrusts turn sloppy.
He connects his lips with yours again, moaning into your mouth as he stills inside you, grabbing your weak hands and sliding them up the soft sheets.
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dduane · 5 months
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Current mood
Parent ego state: "You're getting behind on this [REDACTED THING]. You should be writing."
Writer brain response:
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Adult ego state: "Honestly, come on, you genuinely should be writing."
Writer brain response:
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Child ego state: "C'mon, you oughta be writing."
Writer brain response:
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...Still small voice almost lost in background noise:
"You could always write that bit of smut you've been saving."
Writer brain:
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bbreaddog · 7 months
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Practising Goncharov Theme by @caramiaaddio on violin bc I thought it would add an extra layer of haunting…ness (is that a word?)
Here’s the excerpt I’m playing in the video:
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Despite it being in a fuck off key for violin it is a really beautiful piece and it’s absolutely worth the trouble of practising in second position (world’s most hated position) and I’m HOPING 🤞 I can record and (maybe) post a full cover of it someday
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starry-bi-sky · 9 months
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Part six of "Clone Danny"
When the Waynes leave, Danny can finally relax. Even if he's once again hit with a lingering regret that worms itself into his core like a little parasite. The final night that they're there, Bruce Wayne is not downstairs waiting for him, much to Danny's faint, lingering disappointment. He kinda liked talking to him, even if he kept it brief. Probably for the best.
Damian was still there when he returned with a sprained ankle and more ectoplasm burns. Danny tries not to make his limp obvious when he enters, and his clothing smells faintly of sulfur and burnt fabric.
Damian tells him he stinks, and Danny tells him he ran into a ghost. "The Phantom took care of it." He says, gripping his mask in his pocket tightly and avoiding putting weight on his injured foot. His thermos is pressed next to it. His fingers are freezing.
"Ah yes, your vigilante." Damian replies, "The one with the bat." And Danny can see the outline of his eyes narrowing at him.
"Can we really call him a vigilante when the people he's fighting are ghosts?" Danny asks, avoiding the 'bat' comment and leaning against the back of the kitchen chair.
"Did you actually lose your bat, Fenton?" Damian's fingers tap against his arm, refusing to move on. "Despite your ridiculous behavior and attempts to avoid my father and I, I find it hard to believe that the son of two ghost hunters would be as foolish as to forget his only weapon of defense against ghosts."
Ah, so he noticed that. Danny was half tempted to mutter that the bat wasn't his only weapon of defense. He still had his beloved jawbreakers. He's quiet, wondering how to respond to implication that he might be Phantom -- he can't believe Damian picked that up in only a few short days when nobody has caught on in little over a year -- before shrugging.
"I may have given it to the Phantom instead." He says, propping his arm up to put his chin in his hand, trying to look innocent while his heart skipped an anxious beat.
It's probably not the answer Damian wants, but when his word is the only proof he has, Danny doesn't think he should be too worried about it. Even if it meant that a second person outside his friend and enemy circle knew his identity.
He excuses himself shortly after, leaning heavily against the railing to try and hop up the stairs.
(Much to his surprise, Damian follows and lets Danny put his weight on him. He complains that its because Danny will wake his father if he allows him to bumble up the stairs on one foot.)
(Danny ruffles his hair again when they reach the top, and limps towards his bedroom.)
===
Its three months and a handful of new injuries before Danny thinks about the Waynes again. A new ghost appeared in town who called itself Riftgate and he was capable of creating teleport portals to anywhere in the world.
He was a fucking pain in the ass to fight, costing Danny three hours of his night where he could have been sleeping and nearly his hand. Danny gets dragged through the other side before finally shoving Rift inside the thermos.
But he also ends up nearly 900 miles away in fucking Gotham of all places on the top of an empty roof. Great, juuuust great. Danny is tired, he is grumpy, and he is in a city so laden with ectoplasm that he can all but taste it on his tongue. Or maybe that was just the air quality.
He can't even see the stars here, and his mood worsens.
Well, he's too fucking tired to bother handling this right now. There's no way Sam or Tucker are able to help him considering their distance, and right now Danny just wants to sleep. Maybe after that he can figure out a way home.
So he does, sort of. He walks over to the door and doesn't bother trying to open it, even if there was a 50/50 chance of it being unlocked. (This was Gotham after all.) Instead he sweeps the ground with his foot and curls up at door and he's out like a light.
....Only to be woken up by hissed muttering close to his ear and a gloved hand pressing into the pulse of his neck. "No I don't know if they're dead but I don't think so." Says the unfamiliar voice, and Danny opens a bleary eye.
"He's breathing, but his pulse is too slow to be normal. I think he needs help." The voice, a boy, -- no, Red Robin, great -- continues, and Danny looks beside him to see who he was talking to. No one. "He's probably part of some kind of gang, his mask kind of reminds me of Hood's."
Danny just barely remembers that he's still dressed up as Phantom before he tiredly signs, "I'm not part of a fucking gang." and pushes the boy's hand off.
=====
Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 4.5 (Dani interlude) Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 7.5 (Dan Interlude) Part 8
will make a masterpost soon
Taglist: @the-navistar-carol @thought-u-said-dragon-queen @gin2212 @youracearocroatneighbour @luckybyrdrobyn @deeplyconfusedbear @epilepticnerd @beautifulmomenttodrawblank
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fence-time · 10 months
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Does catpulse chatter at birds? If so, i can see him chattering at Grian and weirding him out XD
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Yes :3 yes he does, and yes grian is Infact weirded out ^^
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ofoceansandtombsanew · 5 months
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like fine wine (zeke jaeger x reader)
tags: fem!reader (afab, she/her), age gap (reader is in 20s, zeke in mid to late 30s), established relationship a/n: a little present for my friend @cafedanslanuit with her loser boyfriend who is doing something big this weekend and i'm really happy for her. love you bestie, good job you deserve everything you want in life and more!
“Not gonna lie,” you hold your wine glass closer to your lips to hide your smile from the room. Your eyes skirt from your boyfriend to a shorter man across the room. If looks could kill, you’re sure Zeke would have been killed a thousand times over when they first made eye contact with each other. “I would love to see what your interactions would look like if there weren’t any social obligations getting in the way.”
“It would be the ugliest bare knuckle fight,” Zeke chuckles in your ear and you suppress a shudder. “I hope that the prettiest in the room would bet on victory being in my favor.” Blue eyes look over your black dress and heels with thinly veiled lust and you feel a surge of satisfaction of how you dressed yourself for the occasion. It isn’t your first time being at one of these parties. You’ve been to some for your own companyー mandatory holiday parties to build ‘comradery’ and such. 
This is the first time you’ve been to one so fancy, however. Still, your just-over-knee-length black dress number has once again proven to be your most trusted ally for such events. 
Never doubt classic magic.
Your grin shifts into something more mischievous, “I don’t know,” you purr. “The shorter they are, the more aggressive they fight.”
Zeke takes your jest in stride, “I don’t think he could even reach my neck.” You can’t stop yourself from giggling.
Before you can reply with a zinger of your own, a voice pleasantly booming and jovial stops you. “Oh Zeke Jaeger, as I live and breathe,” a blond man calls, holding a glass of champagne. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you.”
Zeke returns the smile in full, “It’s nice seeing you, Willy Tybur,” a large hand presses on the small of your back as Zeke leads you both to the man. “[First], this is Willy Tybur, an old friend of mine from university.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Tybur,” you hold your hand out gracefully. You vaguely remember the name from the stories Zeke told you about his university days.
“Please, call me, Willy,” the blond man shakes your hand warmly. “It’s nice to see you finally settling down, Zeke. [First], if you ever want any stories about this guy back in our school days, just say the word. I have plenty.”
Your eyes widen in excitement, “I’d be happy to hear some now if you have any off the top of your head.”
“I’m sure you’d find those old stories boring,” Zeke tries to intervene.
“On the contrary,” your [color] eyes shine under the light of the chandelier. “I think I’ll find them plenty entertaining.”
The universe is on Zeke’s side, however, when Willy is serendipitously called over by a couple. You’ll get those stories somehow. I don’t know when, but somehow.
“Saved by bell, huh, Zeke,” you aren’t giggling but the urge is clearly there. You welcome your man’s look of exasperated amusement. “You know if Willy doesn’t tell me, I still have Eren to run to, right?” His younger brother has already given you plenty of fodder on the down low. “Unless you wanna save me all the effort and just divulge all your secrets yourself?”
You love the smirk on his face and you welcome the subtle caress down your sides. “You’re really trying to rile me up this evening, aren’t you?” 
“Is it that obvious?” You ask coyly. “When does it become socially acceptable for the two of us to leave for the evening again?”
“30 minutes,” comes Zeke’s well-calculated answer.
“Think you can last?” 
“Can you?” Zeke replies with a suggestive curl of his lips.
Oh, how the games are on.
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akawestruck · 2 years
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Just re-watched Pushing Daisies again and it's so good! I love the commitment to the fairy tale unreality.
The backdrop around the places that matter doesn't need to make sense, just get the right vibe. Blissful innocence of childhood? Sure, their suburban homes are in the middle of endless rolling green hills. Don't worry about it.
Character has left after a fight, leaving the other cold and alone and afraid for them? Ah yes, of course it is winter and snowing now. Don't worry about it.
Mystery solved but not in detail? Doesn't matter, skip to explanation as if all had been confessed.
What about the edge cases of Ned's magic? What about... DOESN'T MATTER, those can't come up, this is a fairy tale the plot serves the story not the other way around
Why are there so many murders here, all attached to some kind of reward or payoff? Why can Chuck move into Olive's apartment without any ID? Why hasn't anyone moved into Ned's old house? IT DOESN'T MATTER. We're in a fairy tale, not an alternate universe. Only fairy tale logic applies.
It's so freeing, the essence of showing only what serves the story.
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laniemae · 14 days
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Not gonna get into danganronpa another spoilers because this whole scene is something else that I’m still processing but I absolutely love this line. Like to bring up milgram I think this is an idea which can reflect on lots of the characters as well. The idea of basing your entire existence off of a certain thing/person/ideology and then for something to happen that completely destroys that. Your entire person has been stripped away and just what’s left? You can’t comprehend your own existence or meaning without that specific attachment and you start to question all of your actions based off that…
I can only really think of John, Kotoko, and Es here (and possibly Amane and Mikoto to an extent). And John bases his life off of Mikoto, Kotoko upholding justice, and Es being the warden.
John’s idea of his whole existence and reason for being is Mikoto. It’s the only reason he believes he exists and if he were to fulfill his role he’d “disappear” as he would be completely worthless without him. John tries to repress and ignore his humanity and reduce himself as a tool to protect Mikoto and that’s all he can see himself as. But now Mikoto’s starting to not deny his existence and feels pure hatred for everything about him. And what will happen to John, when the person he’s dedicated his entire life to and desperately wants praise from, denies his existence? What will he be but some worthless existence that is only a burden, to him.
Kotoko. An ideology of upholding justice and punishing evil that has completely overtaken her. She has pushed herself into a role of a “fang” for justice, protecting the weak and persecuting evil. But even so matter how much she tries, she knows her goals are unreachable. She denies relationships and attachments to other people based on this ideology. Kotoko admits that she does feel attachment to the prisoners, but has to deny them in order to fulfill the role as a tool. And believes that pain and violence is necessary to achieving a greater good. Trying to deny any regret because wouldn’t it be easier to believe you’re entirely in the right? She latched onto Es, believing them to be similar as the warden who carries out judgement on wether the prisoners are forgivable or not. But now, Es has denied her whole ideology, her whole existence due to the pain she’s caused. Kotoko wants to believe that what she did was right and that Es, another enforcer of justice would accept her, because that’s how it is.
And Es… they’re the warden of the prison. There’s nothing more to them than that they believe. Es has no memories of their identity or past before Milgram and immediately latched onto the identity given to them, of being the guard. Es took this role as their entire identity, an extension of the milgram system in order to interrogate and judge prisoners. I think Muu put this best.
“Warden-san, we call you "warden" because that's what you are, right? And I was assigned the role of prisoner, but that doesn't mean I'm now nothing but a prisoner at heart, too. After all, I'm still me.”
Es has an unstable sense of identity, to the point they latched on to the first thing they were given in order to give themselves a purpose and a meaning for existence. And Kotoko calling them “imperfect caused them to question their identity. But as the story progresses Es will probably begin to learn about the audiences control and the truth behind what they assumed to be their verdicts. That their will never was 100% their own. Who knows what Es’ past was, but eventually they’ll likely have to tackle it and their whole identity, the warden, the arms of milgram, is gone.
gonna think about Mikoto and Amane here as well. Mikoto, although may not seem to be as first, focuses his entire identity around other people. He’s the friendly sociable guy who’s easy to chat with. But that’s all he believes he should be, I guess. As perhaps this mindset is upheld by an inherent fear of other people rejecting him, so he focuses all his attention and identity on being a social person. He’s never truly friends with people, as perhaps that would be “too close” and open up the possibility for danger. He doesn’t completely deny his identity like the others, but he molds and shapes it in a way that is acceptable to others. He likes what everyone else likes and does what everyone else does so the fear of being rejected for being different won’t hurt him. But now he’s stopped denying John’s existence and his DID, believing himself to be crazy, and to be completely rejected from other people, his entire sense of identity to an extent. And especially with John scaring other people off with the mindset that will help Mikoto, he has now been completely distanced from everyone else and now has to come to terms with himself, but not the ideal persona he put on to be acceptable to other people.
Amane is a more different case as she in a way has rejected that idea, but not completely. Growing up in a cult it’s very likely that she was always conditioned that she was just a servant for god. That all the good things she did were actually god blessing her and all the bad things a fault of her humanity, herself as a person. She is in a unstable relationship with the whole submitting her personhood to her religion, as she sacrificed her ideologies in order to help a cat. But at the core, that wasn’t about herself and her identity, rather a focus on the cat’s life. Amane’s murder was her will. Rejecting everything and fighting for her life in direct opposition to what she has been taught her entire life and how her identity should be, a rejection of that and a glance into “herself”. But once again, this murder wasn’t entirely self motivated. She’s still broken enough that she can’t fully grasp herself as a person besides god and religion. And a large cause of her murder was out of the death of the cat, rather than simply protecting herself. Amane still slips back into the belief that her personhood is entirely dedicated to god. As she tried to convince herself and Es that the only reason she killed is because they deserved religious punishment and she is in the right for carrying out god’s will, once again denying her personal reason for doing so. Reducing herself to “we” on behalf of her religion, that this isn’t herself anymore. Amane is in a limbo between rejecting her personhood for god, but at the same time rejecting the suffering she’s been through in order to save “herself”. Amane’s case is so interesting, as there’s no clear answer of what she believes in here, and it is truly fascinating.
#milgram#Milgram theory#milgram analysis#amane momose#mikoto kayano#john kayano#john milgram#kotoko yuzuriha#es milgram#uhhhh this was meant to be a quick analysis how did this turn into an exploration of the identities of 5 characters#And comparing it to a scene from dra which focused a lot around the loss of someone’s beliefs completely destroying their identity?#May analyse that scene directly because the whole philosophical and psychological concepts coming into play there is just soooo cool#and man I was kinda figuring out stuff as I was writing this but like I said it’s so interesting how Amane isn’t completely dedicated to go#Like the other characters I mentioned who have dedicated their whole identities to something#And Amane’s at the struggling between her true self and her perfect religious self#But perhaps she doesn’t entirely realise this conflict going on within#Which is interesting as a realisation of their identities would probably cause the other characters to lose it#But Amane it’s coming to her in a different way#She’s so strong uahhhahhajajshshshs#Tw cults#Ok now thinking about this more I’m starting to see this whole ideology apply to other dra characters as well#Man this is just so interesting#Like Kinji although having nowhere near as bad of a situation of amane was in a way forced to repress his emotions his entire life#Due to religious reasons and to devote his life to god and reject personhood#Surprisingly he’s actually not a bad person but still is very stoic and avoids other people due to being taught those values#And kinji’s a whole parallel to Tsurugi so this would be really interesting#I would talk about Tsurugi here but this is primarily a milgram post so for everything he’s like kotoko with a dedication to justice#But handles it in a very different way#His story is just way to long to analyse now#But hey this is an invitation to play (or watch bc downloading the game is hard technically) danganronpa another
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dirtytransmasc · 8 days
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Modern Aocorro high school au: what if Spider was a harpist in his high school orchestra and Ao'nung was down bad about it.
Spider was already your classic high school heart throb. He was popular, buff, handsome, a little rough around the edges, yet still a total sweetheart.
For Eywa's sake, he carpooled his siblings to school or rode his skateboard to school, volunteered around town 24/7, used reusable straws, he'd hand his pocket change to anyone in need, and was known for getting into fights with bullies in the parking lot.
Not to mention that he had the prettiest golden curls and brown eyes anyone had ever seen (at least in Ao'nung's opinion).
So to say Ao'nung was crushing, hard, was probably the understatement of the century, and could you even blame him? The guy was perfect, an angel, and it was driving him insane.
He'd catch himself staring during gym practice, marveling at his muscles, cheeks flushing, or in the locker room when he took his shirt off to change, his heart pounding away in his chest.
he thought he couldn't be even more down bad for that boy than he already was, his confident personality rendered null and void when he was around, his tongue caught in the back of his throat, unable to do so much as squeak at him… until the day he caught him in the orchestra room, practicing.
Now, he had heard Spider was in orchestra and had even seen him rolling around some large black case around the school before, but he'd never actually caught what he played.
But walking past that half-opened door was how he found out the love of his life wasn't only a sweet handsome hunk of a guy, but he played the harp, the instrument of an angel.
The sheer audacity of this boy was getting out of hand, he swore to Eywa, he was gonna kill him one of these days with his impossibly hot antics.
He stands and watches as Spider presses up against his harp, eyes focused on his sheet music, hair tied up in a messy bun but a single golden curl hangs he keeps blowing out of his face, and his fingers strum along the strings, working the muscles throughout his hands and arms.
The sound of gentle music flowed from the gap in the door, and it sounded just as pretty as Spider looked, soft and sweet, but still robust, still full of base and bravado. It was so fitting.
Watching Spider's face quirk with focus and frustration and pride as he worked through the song made the other's heart swoon, he swore it must be palpating or maybe skipping beats. He just knows it wasn't beating right, especially as he rubs his hand over his chest and feels how heavy it beats against his ribs.
And thats when Spider just so happens to turn to see who was gawking at him from the hallway, and instead of telling him to stop staring or throwing a pissed-off glance like Ao'nung is sure most other's would do if they caught someone staring like he had been, Spider just smiled.
"Like what you hear?" he quipped, leaning forward to turn the page of his music binder.
"Y-Yeah, yeah, you're... amazing," he choked out an answer, coughing into his fist to try and cover up the stammer in his voice and the blush on his cheeks.
"You flatter me," he replied, sitting back and looking Ao'nung right in the eye before he looked away with an even brighter smile, and it was like his skin was set on fire by just that single glance. "Are you gonna come in or are you gonna keep standing out their like some weirdo?"
"Oh, I-I wouldn't want to bother, I was j-just passing by,"
"It's free period, it's why I'm in here all by my lonesome," he puts on a fake pout and bats his lashes in his direction for show, "keep my company yeah? I'm sure you've got nothing to do if you've already spent so much time staring."
He moved his bag off the chair next to him before patting it.
"Sit," his tone was warm and inviting and his eyes were soft and almost pleading, so he did, with a deep breath, he sat next to the other boy.
He managed to be even prettier up close, and Ao'nung had to tear his eyes away so he didn't make a fool of himself. He decided to turn his attention to the harp. It was beautiful, made of a soft, warm-toned wood, intricately carved and painted with the image of flowers he couldn't name off the top of his head.
"She's a beauty isn't she?" Spider asked
he only nodded at first, before feeling the urge to touch, his hand moving before he could think better of it, but he managed to stop himself before he made contact with he wood.
"Can I?" he asked, quite pitifully, finally making his own eye contact with the blonde. Eywa save him, he was too pretty, it was unfair. He felt butterflies tickling his stomach and his head getting fuzzy. Why didn't he run when he had the chance?
"Go ahead," he answered with a huff of laughter.
He tried to steady himself as he stroked a hand down the curved wood that he saw resting against Spider's chest earlier when he was playing, feeling the warmth from the other boy's skin still clinging to the wood.
His fingers sought out the strings Spider's rested on moments ago, the metal threading bit into his flesh ever so slightly when he ran his fingers down them.
"I catch you staring all the time y'know, you're not very good at hiding it."
Ao'nung feels his heart drop through the floor and into the stone-cold basement beneath them. Fuck. He fucked up, he fucked up so bad, Spider must think he's a freak-
"It's cute."
"What?" he didn't mean to ask that out loud, but when he did, he said it far too loud.
Spider just laughs at him, gently and without malice, his eyes crinkling into almost nothing, his cheeks going a little red, his nose scrunching a little. Ao'nung feels his heart swell.
"Oh, it's never subtle, especially since you turn bright red, and the second you realize I'm looking back, you turn tail and run away like you have the devil on your heels," he pauses to wipe the tears from his eyes, "It's just cute, adorable even. I kinda like having a not so secret admirer."
"You don't think I'm some total freak?"
"Nah dude.... who's to say I'm not staring back?" he said nonchalantly.
Ao'nung was sure his brain was melting, cause he just found out his crush might like him back? Potentially. And that was just simply mind-boggling, cause, he wasn't gonna sell himself short, but he never thought he could be on Spider's radar.
They hung out with different people, and he used to be an ass to his siblings before he transferred to be here, and sure he apologized and made up with them, he always seemed to hold a bit of a grudge.
"You are?" he had to ask.
"Mmmmmm, maybe a little," he replied with a cheeky grin plastered on his face. "I will admit, at first it was because I was trying to make sure you weren't being an ass, but, things might be changing."
Ao'nung nodded to himself, clearing his throat, trying to decipher what that could even mean. Was Spider saying he was starting to like him too? did he have a shot with him?
"Listen, the bells about to ring, so why don't I give you this," he pulled a pen from the spine of his binder, tearing the corner off of one of his sheet music, which felt oddly intimate, and wrote something down on it, before handing it to him.
It was his number. Spider just gave him his number.
"Text me? we can start gettign to actually know each other, and maybe you could start joining me in here during free period, I could give you some lessons on the harp if you'd like?" now Spider sounded a little sheepish.
Which somehow made Ao'nung feel a bit more confident, so for the first time in seemingly forever, he answered Spider with some level of confidence.
"Yeah, I'd like that, I'd like that a lot."
"Good, good, I'd like that too."
They were both smiling now. The bell rang. They both hesitated to break eye contact.
"I'll text you, promise." Eywa, he was making promises. Already. He really was a hopeless sap. But it felt right when Spider huffed a laugh at it, a hand coming up to cover his smile a little. He was flattered.
"You better, stalker," Spider laughed, finally starting to pack up his stuff.
"Rude," he faked a gasped, lingering in the door, knowing he had to get to class, and he needed to let Spider pack up so he wouldn't be late himself, but wanting to let the moment last just a little longer.
"I think staring is rude, but I think I'll give you a pass, so long as you stop running away when I catch you, deal?"
"Deal."
"And you have to meet me here tomorrow."
"I will, it's a date," the words slipped out of his mouth without thinking about how it could be interpreted, "oh, not like-"
"It's a date" Spider repeated.
Ao'nung found he could only nod. It's a date. Even if it wasn't like that, it was still nice to think about. a date with an angel.
"Now go, before you're late, wouldn't want you to get in any trouble." Spider crossed his arms and jutted out his hip like he was some disappointed mom or something.
"Right, bye Spider."
He waved goodbye. It was corny and childish, but he waved. Spider waved back. He had his number clutched tightly in his other palm. Spider had his phone clutched in his hands as if he couldn't wait for the message to come any longer.
"Bye Stalker."
He has a feeling he's gonna have to get used to that nickname, but as he rounds the corner, his chest still feeling warm and full of butterflies, he doesn't think he minds all that much.
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feelingtheaster99 · 9 days
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Oh my GOSH Brennan. A 300 word essay in FIVE MINUTES 😬
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sakuralovespossums · 2 months
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Nikolai Gogol x Autistic Reader
(Because I haven’t been able to find any goddammit)
(Also I’ll be going off of my own autistic traits/experiences)
Warning: this is Nikolai, so expect gore, violence, and morbid thoughts
I feel like Nikolai wouldn’t really know much about autism or being neurodivergent. He’ll prbly go to Fyodor to learn more.
But he does know that you have certain interests, traits, dislikes, and ways of seeing things and thinking that differs from the most other people.
He loves that about you!
He likes to watch you stim and finds it funny and cute.
He’ll then join in cause it looks like fun!
Considering he already moves around a lot whenever he’s excited, I wouldn’t be surprised if it turns out he’s also on the spectrum.
Nikolai values freedom from physical/human constraints. So I feel like he might pity you for your aversions to certain textures, smells, foods, etc.
He can’t imagine how hellish it must be to imprisoned by all these overbearing stimulations.
If only he could shed you of your human body so that you can finally be free from all it all!
He’ll be more upset when he hears about any past negative experiences you may have had with ableist people and societal expectations.
Nikolai HATES being forced to conform!!! How dare they try to snap your wings!!
He’ll prbly teleport off somewhere to go torture/kill some random unlucky person to let out his anger.
Will casually describe his recent killings and tortures of his targets in the DOA to you with his upbeat demeanor. He might even show you pictures!
“This one’s one of my favorites!!! It almost looks like spaghetti noodles, doesn’t it?!”
It’s a picture of a government official having his brain pulled out through his nose.
If it makes you uncomfortable, he’d prbly find your discomfort odd but stop.
Since you tell him a lot about your hyperfixations and special interests, he likes to describe his disturbing knowledge on the human body and all the creative ways to kill and harm them.
Man will randomly bite you like a dog. Have you seen those teeth?
Nikolai would definitely pick you up and toss you around in and out of his cape portal like a toy, if you happen to be short.
Hell, he’ll do it regardless of your height. He’s already taller than everyone.
Sure, you can touch his hair! Just don’t pull or he’ll bite your fingers off, hehehe!!
………………….
When your having a sensory overload/panic attack, he’ll immediately notice and teleport you both out of there to a much quieter place.
Nikolai means well and does like you, but he’s also a rather twisted clown who likes engaging in dangerous “games”
“Hey y/n!!! Wanna play this quiz where every time you lose, you have to stick a needle under a toenail?!”
“What?! You don’t?! That’s too bad! Aw well, maybe next time!”
Nikolai holds a deep resentment towards you for tying him down with human emotions and desires (love, patience, etc) and wants to kill you so that he can free himself.
There have been numerous times where he almost goes through with killing you in some brutal way. Yet he always stops at the very last moment since he can’t bring himself to do it.
Random headcanon: Nikolai would be a huge fan of the Saw and Terrifier movies
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xenosagaepisodeone · 10 months
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high-guardian-herbs · 3 months
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Ok so first of all I thought I should write down all the different races and what exactly makes them different from each other (other than appearance) and I first decided to make magic exclusive for humans to balance the table a bit
With that being said new magic will still exist and it will allow other species to “use magic” (kind off, I have an idea which I’m trying to better understand and write down)
Anyway I have quite the long way to go for all the different races and all, and while I’ll make a species sheet for each, I may not use them all in the story
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void-writing · 2 months
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Okay I’m back on my Mummies nonsense and I’m thinking about the untapped potential of Amanda Carnovan and wanting to bite something.
Like, I get that this is a late 90s Y7 show so of course the normal adults aren’t necessarily going to be involved very much given who the target audience is but we could have had SUCH FUN DYNAMICS between Amanda—technically mother of the pharaoh and also a certified Egypt nerd—and the Mummies. The Mummies, who would be an ancient civilization researcher’s WET DREAM because they’d be the ULTIMATE primary sources to their era of ancient Egyptian history. I may be projecting a bit, but having people who LIVED IN a civilization three thousand years ago AND who would be able to verbally talk about their experiences (biases and all) would be so cool.
Plus, I think Amanda and the Mummies would have gotten along so well. Like, they canonically respect her despite never really interacting with her purely on account of what Presley says about her.
I can see Amanda talking parenting and leadership with Ja-Kal and them confiding their doubts and hardships to each other that they wouldn’t talk about with anyone else. Like, for example, Amanda is a single mother working a full time job, and Ja-Kal struggled with balancing his responsibilities as the prince's guard with his duties as a father and husband. I think both of them would have a lot to talk about regarding work-life balance. Plus, Ja-Kal in the show was edging very close to "dad who stepped up" territory. I'm not saying that Ja-Kal and Amanda would get a romantic subplot (Amanda doesn't seem to be interested in looking for a boyfriend and Ja-Kal isn't either) but I feel like they'd become platonic co-parents in the right circumstances.
I can see Amanda just absorbing every historical and arcane lesson Rath gives and chiming in with her own knowledge. They’d butt heads and argue over specific facts for hours, both being entirely too stubborn at times to give the other an inch, but at the end of it all they’d do it again because they’re both nerds and love the pain of their research.
I can see Amanda and Nefer-Tina becoming gal pals, maybe at first being friends solely because they’re the only women in the group but ultimately enjoying each other’s company; Amanda affirming that Nefer-Tina isn’t wrong for being fascinated by modern advances while Nefer-Tina gets Amanda to break out of her shell a bit by dragging her along to experience the modern world with her (I can see circumstances conspiring to get them stealing a car together and I think I’m right about it).
I can see Amanda and Armon bonding over cooking and exchanging recipes from their respective cultures, even if they may have to substitute a few key ingredients for Armon’s recipes (I doubt Amanda would be able to get her hands on hippo steak, sadly).
Plus! I also want to see Amanda’s reaction to hearing that 1) her baby boy is the reincarnation of a murdered Egyptian prince from three thousand years ago (and one she made a full exhibit about and probably rambled to Presley about for months), and 2) the man who killed him the first time is still around in present day trying to not only do that AGAIN, but use her son’s soul to attain immortality for generally nefarious purposes.
What I’m saying is I wish we could have seen Amanda’s reaction to the Mummy Nonsense because she would have been a WELL of interesting character interactions and also likely caused Scarab headaches personally by beating him up for trying to repeatedly murder her son.
And don’t even get me STARTED on Walter! He was presented to the audience as Presley’s best friend but we hardly see him at all! We could have had Walter as the best friend sidekick! The non-chosen character stuck in the chosen’s orbit! He could have been a Toby Domzalsky or a Connie Maheswaran before those characters even EXISTED! We could have had Walter struggling with pressure from the Mummies to be as dogged and dedicated in his defense of Presley as they are because they see Walter as Presley’s last line of defense, someone who can protect Presley where they can't. After all, the Mummies can’t follow Presley into school and have to be careful about going out in public on account of their whole undead situation. It could be really interesting to see Walter get continuously pressured by these adults who literally died in the line of duty to follow in their footsteps, even if it meant meeting the same fate as them. It would have been interesting to see the Mummies be struck with the realization that they made themselves forget that Walter is a kid too and someone very dear to Presley, and that they were wrong to try and pressure him into becoming a warrior like them. It would have been interesting to see them try to atone for the way they treated Walter as another soldier for their cause. It would have been interesting to see how Walter buckled under the pressure the Mummies heaped on him and even more so if Scarab tried to exploit it because in his darkest moment, Walter would have just wanted all of this Mummy Nonsense to STOP and for everything to go back to how it was before (even though that’s impossible) and almost costing Presley his life because of it.
And Elaine! How cool would it have been if she didn’t have her memories conveniently wiped and she just elbowed her way into the Mummies’ and Presley’s crazy world of gods and monsters out of rabid interest in getting the truth, even if she has to learn a lesson about how not all truths are created equal and sometimes lies and secrets are made and kept to protect the innocent! We could have had an episode where Elaine gathered proof of the Mummies and Presley’s involvement with them and was SECONDS away from publishing before she’s confronted with the reality that Presley keeps his involvement with the Mummies under wraps (ba dum tss) because the anonymity surrounding his modern identity is the only thing keeping an immortality obsessed madman from turning up on his doorstep or in his class to LITERALLY KILL HIM AND EAT HIS SOUL. We could have had her be the reason Scarab learns Presley’s modern identity and her having to atone for putting him in MORE danger.
Ugh. There's just so much wasted potential and it makes me sad.
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robotspock · 7 months
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just like obama
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