#go to gigs alone

[fivewholeminutes]

so. wembley.

Once I have finally gathered my wits the words did not want to stop coming. This rambling is long; apologies for that. And for the messed up tenses I hate tenses we only have one past tense why is English like this

No photos/videos yet, they are still not properly checked/deleted/edited by me.

It was. Unsurprisingly. One of the best days of my life. But also, I don't remember much from my life, so don't trust me on this one. (Kidding, it totally WAS one of the best days of my life). And uhh... I have a problem with processing events and emotions, so it still feels like I have seen it on a TV screen instead of, you know, actually, physically having been there? Idk how to explain that, I still have to convince my brain that I've been there. I feel detached from it completely. But!! I!! Have!! Been!! There!!

I woke up so early that foxes were still roaming the streets. Didn't talk much with people around me in the queue (hello anxiety), but they were lovely! I signed the blue flag for iii from me & Lia, got the sticker for Projekt Atlantic, received some bracelets, exchanged some bracelets, put some sea creatures tattoos on people (LIA I FORGOT TO GIVE YOU THE WHALE!!!), slept on a pavement, bought merch for myself and others (I've never had anyone to buy concert merch for before, it's such a nice feeling 🥺).

And queueing for so long was so fucking worth it! Third row, baby!! For the first time in the middle!! (Which was my downfall later, but the pre-show me was not aware of that just yet). I couldn't actually hear HEALTH that well, but I really liked their drummer, he was enjoying himself and his joy was contagious. (I've checked them later though and. Last album, my beloved.) During the break, well, you all know what was happening, I have been liveblogging everything (sorry about that <3). The moment someone in the crowd literally screeched when they saw the new masks on instagram was a blessing, I wouldn't have survived seeing them in new masks without a warning. Also, my blind ass would probably realise 3 songs in that they have different masks, I shit you not. Besides, it was super fun having a mental breakdown here on tumblr with y'all <3

When Espera entered the stage, everything else stopped being of any importance to me. I remember my first thought was "oh yeah, sure, the ladies are dressed up and moving like this and you expect me to focus on anything else that is happening on this stage?". And of course, my second thought was "I GOTTA TAKE PICTURES FOR DARYA". Naturally, I was trying to keep up with everything else anyway. I haven't seen ii all too well though and it makes me sad :( Alas. I've had a good vantage point for the ladies. Yeah. Brain went brrrrr every time I was looking at them. Where was I again-

I was still coughing at that time. I got a terrible coughing fit after literally 3 short screams during HEALTH and my idiot ass has left all the lozenges except one in the hotel room an hour before the door opening. I thought I would have to spend the rest of the night not singing along nor screaming and felt utterly heartbroken for a few minutes, but after my Holy Grail Lozenge (and a LOT of water from the venue's crew) my cough has abandoned me for the duration of the whole ritual (thank you, Sleep). Even though, when Sam told us that we have to sing, my only thought was "I CAN'T FUCKING SING EITHER, MATE". But I did. Oh, I so fucking did. I sung my lungs out and did not cough even ONCE.

But you know. I was exhausted, anxious, surrounded by strangers and had more sugar in my veins than red cells at that point, so I wasn't my best self. I really thought the karaoke was for shits and giggles at first. "Oh yeah, it's The Most Popular Song, let's see how it sounds when 10k people sing it without the singer's help!", you know. Thought it was for the recording the announcements warned us about. But then we sung Granite. Ohhhkay. And then The Love You Want - certainly not a song they would leave for an impropmtu singalong. It was then that I (belatedly) realised that yeah, something really was wrong and so my heart broke again. So many preparations! Their biggest gig so far! Even iii managed to be there! And something had to happen!! Specifically!! To Vessel!! Of all people!! That was just not fair. He totally didn't deserve this. But it's just life and its endless fucking bad surprises for everyone, huh.

I didn't have enough time to collect all the broken pieces of my heart from the sticky floor and mend them after this realisation, because after Vessel joined the singing for the last few lines of TLYW, he dropped to his knees in front of us crying and thanking everyone. That sight is now carved into my brain. This is when I realised the 3rd row was a mistake. The psychic damage it gave me is irrevocable. Do you have those moments that you will never forget? A few seconds of an (usually traumatic) experience that will haunt you forever, replaying in your mind like a broken record? It was a bit like this for me. It wasn't traumatic, mind you, but it was definitely something that made a permanent dent in my heart and a home in my brain. And I wouldn't change it anyway.

Another thing that made me think that I will just fall down and never get up was iii & iv's hug. It was. So full of love and reassurence. Idk, you could just feel that emitting from them, okay? I was standing there thinking "yeah sure, just fucking murder me tonight instead, okay. Should've kept staring at Espera only-". Ah yes. The ladies. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Where was I again-

The goosebumps when the whole venue yelled "they won't be missing you" during Nazareth, oh my fucking god. On my previous rituals, in way smaller venues, there's always been a handful of people screaming it. And everyone doing it? Unparalleled feeling. Bordering on the shrimp emotions scale.

The lights were spectacular. I cannot describe how amazing the light show was. I am sending a kiss to each and every light crew member.

Also, Vessel being more emotional during the ritual as a whole. The TLYW moment was the worst for me, but there were many others. (Ascensionism and Bloodsport stabbing me with a rusty knife the most.) I mean, who could've blamed him for the emotions, he would probably be very emotional even without the voice issues. Who wouldn't be!! It was a big night, after all. God, it must have been so difficult for him, I really, really fucking hope the love coming from his bandmates, crew and the crowd was enough to help him focus on the good parts of the evening only. And!! It wasn't even that bad!!! Sure, he lost his voice for a while, but once it was back you could!! Barely!! Hear!! The difference!! I have a whole new level of respect for Vessel because of that. And for staying onstage with us for the songs he couldn't sing. Didn't know I could respect him even more than I already did, but hey. Love being surprised like that. I have seen concerts where the singers were singing way worse live while being completely healthy. Like sure, you could notice he's not using so many uhh, how do you call this in English, vocal ornamentations??? and that his voice is strained, but it was still beautiful. Take care of your voice now though, dude, jfc. Thanks for the sacrifice, much appreciated, but TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL FUCKING FIND YOU- (kidding, kidding. or am i.) I also liked that he was leaving the more screamy moments in songs for us. Aiming the microphone at us, positive we'll have his back. Like yeah, yeah, other bands do that relatively often, but it's not something they usually do, you know.

I can't vouch for everyone in the crowd, but I sure as fuck did not have a SINGLE thought that the show sucks because of his voice issues. Like it didn't even occur to me. Honest to god. I was shocked when I saw on tumblr that people were leaving? Asking for a refund????????????? I was having the time of my life singing those songs. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience, probably!! Who can say they karaoked whole 3 songs with the band playing for them live?? Your local karaoke bar could never. (Bonus points, you could hear Espera better bc of that! Yes, I know, you are not supposed to hear backing vocals too loud in general, I'm just saying it was nice hearing them, bc usually I hear them on recordings only.)

Yeah, sure I was disappointed after the show that there was no Euclid, but that's just me, a total whore for Euclid. It's a completely different thing than being a bitch who leaves halfway, because something out of the ordinary has been happening.

Anyways. I would like to wish all the crowdsurfers a very fuck you. Hope you will all step on a lego every day for the rest of your lives <3

Crowdsurfers and constant giving away of water (which I understand, it was terribly hot there and it was needed) were a bit distracting, I missed some things because of the commotion, the drum solo has been disrupted by me getting a (fortunately very light) kick in the mouth and DRUM SOLO IS SACRED. I HOPE THE CROWDSURFER WHO DECIDED TO GO UP IN THAT MOMENT WILL STEP ON 3 LEGOS DAILY. IT'S LITERALLY THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF THE RITUAL FOR ME AND THEY HAVE RUINED IT. Thanks to another crowdsurfer, I missed the moment the band was throwing stuff into the crowd and I promised Lia I will catch a pick/drumstick for them!!!!!!! I've had a banner for this occassion and all!!!!! And!!!!! For the whole time things were flying from the scene!!!! I have been under someone's legs and ass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Side note: Vessel was throwing away his rings. That's so fucking cool, ahh.

All in all, half of the things that happened there, I've learned from tumblr. The announcements about the recording, people leaving, Vessel being covered in runes (I WAS STANDING RIGHT BEFORE HIM AND DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING. A N Y T H I N G. I HATE BEING A BLIND IDIOT), the Espera ladies laughing at iii for not coming to the photo, hell, even Vessel trying to get his attention. I have NO idea what I've been doing back then, it's a blur again lmao. And. The most important thing: Vessel's "thank you". I didn't catch it back then. I don't hear it on my recording. Tbh I couldn't believe y'all for a long while that it really happened (I'm sorry). But it did and you know what? I'm glad the broken pieces of my heart were left on the arena's floor earlier during the show. I don't want them anymore.

I would also like to thank that one security guy in huge headphones who was our warning that another fucking crowdsurfer was coming our way. I hope the headphones guy's pillow is always cold on both sides, his skin clear, his crops- and so on. Our hero <3

There was also a moment during Atlantic (another important moment disrupted. Smh) where 2 security persons dived into the crowd?? I still have no idea what was happening, bc if someone faints for example, they are always brught to the barricade by the crowd and security picks them up, I've never seen security getting into the crowd before. And because of that, people around me were talking loudly during Atlantic. Kill kill murder kill

Still, Projekt Atlantic was a huge success and I am so proud of the organisers!! They're in the same category of lovely people as the big headphones security guy

Sending a kiss to @murderofcrow for this gif 🖤

To sum up. I will forever be grateful for this band. This music has activated the dormant parts of my mind. I am making art again. I am meeting cool people because of them. I have people to talk about it with who are as excited about it as I am. For the first time in ages I really feel alive again. And life is not good, far from it, to be completely honest with you, they haven't magically fixed all my problems, but I do have something that actually fucking works on me. I know Vessel wouldn't agree, but they are saving people. And you all, lovely ST pocket of tumblr motherfuckers who are reading this, you are saving people too.

And, last but not least!! In hot pink, because I can! Thanks to this ritual I could finally meet @vesselsscarlet and @thevenomousseprent in person!!!!!!!!! I love you guys, you are amazing and I can't wait to see you again 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 You've made me feel so loved that weekend and it's something I haven't felt in a while!!

#it was surprisingly hard to write #took a lot of editing and rewriting whole paragraphs and it's still not a proper description of everything i wanted to say #i don't know how to talk about emotions #and i have. a lot of them since wembley #a word of advice: attend concerts. beg for money for them from your family members sleep in tents during rain #or in hostel rooms filled with random people #go for gigs without a place to sleep and spend 4hrs waiting for your bus home in a local mcdonalds #watching drunk guys split their eyebrows on the stairs there #(not now tho now we're boycotting macdonalds #but there are other places open 24/7) #go to gigs alone #but by god. go to them if you are able to and if your health allows you to go #(and yes it is coming from someone with anxiety. i wouldn't travel or sleep in a tent alone for anything else trust me) #it is always worth it. ALWAYS #sleep token

[firenati0n]

wip wednesday <3 :)

hello friends :) happy wednesday, hope you are well! happiest of birthdays to my babygirl Alex Claremont-Diaz, love you endlessly my beautiful big brained bisexual disaster with a heart of gold

thank you to @jellibuns @junebugclaremontdiaz @violetbaudelaire-quagmire @hgejfmw-hgejhsf @piratefalls @bigassbowlingballhead @leojfitz @ships-to-sail @suseagull04 @dragonflylady77 @kiwiana-writes @onthewaytosomewhere @wordsofhoneydew @priincebutt @magicandarchery @leaves-of-laurelin @eusuntgratie @duchessdepolignaca03 @saturntheday @itsmaybitheway @captainjunglegym @indestructibleheart @oxfordslutphase @tailsbeth-writes for the tags this week and on sunday :)

here's a snip from a tiny spy au coming this week if i can wrangle these men into submission:

“I'm serious, Alex. No theatrics. Certainly no blood. What's the code for trouble?” “Barracuda.” Henry clicks his tongue. “Too many syllables for my taste.” “Your name is too many syllables for my taste, yet you don't see me complaining.” ��Touché.” He grasps Alex's shoulder, taking a long look into Alex's eyes. Henry's body is serene, but his eyes are always his tell for Alex. They're cloudy, tense; murky waters. “Be careful, please. We both know how dangerous these men are. Manu is unpredictable, even as the mafia equivalent of a middle manager.” “Aw, worried about me, sweetheart?” Alex grins, but it's a little unsteady, faltering at the edges. “Henry. This is easy. And if I’m lucky, no dicks will have to come out.” He laughs, but there’s no humor in it. He really, really doesn’t want any dicks out this time. “See you in five, okay?” He squeezes Henry's arm, then slips out of the supply closet. Back to work.

xoxo roop

+ no pressure tags below the cut and open tag as always <3 tag me if you use :)

@ninzied @cha-melodius @sparklepocalypse @cricketnationrise @orchidscript @getmehighonmagic @myheartalivewrites @welcometololaland @anincompletelist @nocoastposts @tintagel-or-cockleshells @sherryvalli @lizzie-bennetdarcy @heysweetheart-writes @inexplicablymine @onward--upward @celeritas2997 @affectionatelyrs @14carrotghoul @rmd-writes @cultofsappho @anchoredarchangel @candyspandemonium @porcelainmortal @kj-bee @nontoxic-writes

#fic: sexually charged wrestling #roop writes #i wrote this for shits and gigs #there is no nutritional value #there is no purpose #it is just Vibes #do not look too closely at the plot or the body parts please #i am just a little guppy doing my best in a big ocean #and limbs are so hard to wrangle #i have so much respect for writers of action and smut GODDAMN #how do y'all keep track of bodies bro...they just love to go all over the place willy nilly!!!!! #they're just flying all over the fucking place #how does one keep track of hands and legs #let alone DICKS???????? #granted there are zero dicks out in this fic #but it is not encouraging for my smut journey i gotta be so real #anyway #see y'all on ao3 this week afjsldfjkalsd hope you enjoy #I'm never writing spy or action shit again fajsdlfkjals lemme just go reread nova baby for the 600th time like a normal person #wip wednesday

[firelordhotman]

ive made this post before but Shoutout to Cripples who listen to punk and embrace the subculture but cant attend gigs, either due to our own disabilities or general inaccessibility. we can still engage in the subculture from our homes! and anyone who calls you a poser for that probably is an ACTUAL poser wearing shein clothes standing in the back of the room shaking in their poshmark boots cuz theyre scared of messing up their tiktok eyeliner in the mosh pit lmfao. REAL punks are anti-ableism and will share music with you and bring you back merch from the gigs you couldnt attend

#i get imposter syndrome when im alone for too long But then i talk to some of my punk friends again and remember who the real posers are #i rarely get to attend a couple concerts a year if im lucky i WISH i could be constantly going to gigs #i love the energy and the vibes and the people and the music and the cheap beer sm. In my dream ablebodied life i live like that #but alas i rarely leave the house #stay-at-home scene kid fr #cripplepunk #in a literal sense #cripple punk

[gege]

The entirety of Lungs by Florence + The Machine played live with an orchestra!!! And I can’t find anyone to go with??!!! I’ve never been to a gig that big alone before and it’s in London and I don’t go there alone and I’m a scared bumpkin and I need my big girl pants for this 😩

#anyone ever go to a gig alone before??? #can someone reassure me? #o

[heavnlyhetfield]

my 2024 resolution is to get a metalhead gf

#like i’m so tired of being single and alone!!! #goddamnnn #need someone who likes metal just as much as i do so we can go to gigs together #personal #wlw

[gayspock]

i wish I wasn't so pathetic and awkward 😒always ruins my night bro 😭

#egg.txt #Sorry I went to see a gig and I had soo much fun and Ive been happy bc um #I managed well despite the ISSUES and I went alone but then 😭 #So lame... I was queuing for the merch table and I kept getting pushed out and bc of that #Someone then started slow talking to me that there's a queue you know 🙃 #Like I know 😭 I was behind you... #But I couldn't even get anything out I just kind of repeated back at her GOSDDD BRO #Almost rhe exact same thing happened at the mechs.... I feel like such a loser all the time bro #This 8s why i have no friends and no one to go to this type of thing with embarrassinggg cringeeeee #And it's like also like bro it's NOTHING #IDK why I'm getting so worked up I think it's just the talking to me like I'm fucking stupid #But I can't even deny it when I can't even string a sentence together right can I!!!!!!! #Anyway sad wish I had someone to share stuff like tonight with whatever at least it was fun

[penguin251159]

📺 9 favorite tv shows that I watched (for the first time) in 2023 🍿

Thanks for tagging me @elliecreed! 🤩😁 Yeah...this one was kinda tough cause I'm sooooo behind on everything lol. There's too many things I want to watch that I end up not watching much of anything new 🙃 but anyways!

1. The Last Of Us

2. Fargo (s5)

3. The Uncanny Counter (s2)

4. Beyond Evil

5. Our Dining Table

6. My School President

7. Wednesday

8. Home Economics

9. Stay With Me

If anyone sees this and wants to fill it out, consider yourself tagged! I need to add more shows to my ever growing must watch list lol

#all my brother had to do was mention that the first two episodes of fargo reminded him a bit of home alone and i was like lets go! lmao #this has been the first season of fargo i've ever watched...i mean i've seen and loved the movie just never got around to watching the show #but now i gotta go and start watching the seasons i missed cause this has been SO good?! #and while season 2 of the uncanny counter wasn't as great as season 1 it still made me cry and i love that cast so so so so sooooo much #i'm mad about home economics cause was it a great show? no. did i have fun watching it? most of the time! was i glad topher grace seemed to #finally have a steady acting gig? yeah! and then abc had to go and cancel it! bah! #anyways all these shows found a place in my heart in 2023 lol #GAH! I FORGOT ONE PIECE! #consider that one added ok just...it's there in spirit

[upperranktwo]

Just remembered it's been 11 years ago today since I went to my first concert and I miss going to gigs so much!!!!!!! How does time fly by so quickly!!! I literally remember everything I was doing that day!

#the gig was only £7 god to go back to those times!!! #I turned up 5 mins before doors opened and got to the barrier because I'm amazing #and then I met the band after and I was so happy haha #I wrote about that band for one of my essays in uni lmao #it's been like 7 years since I last saw them I hope they tour again soon!!! #last show I went to was in 2022 and it was fun but some freak kept grabbing my waist and someone tried to look up my skirt :') other shows #I've been to the vibes have been great but that last one was good but I hated being alone during it #but I rlly miss going to gigs!!!!!

[lemonflavouredspatula]

i got a ticket for joker out besties i am going to CRY

#joker out #real question though is who else is going to the london gig #because i am going alone #(well not entirely i have discovered another person who is going and needed a buddy) #but fuck it lets start a 'i'm going to the joker out gig alone even though i'm anxious af want to be friends?' club #(i'm being deadly serious)

[pigeonneaux]

ARGH KÄÄRIJÄ MY BOY I LOVE YOU SO MUXHJ

#GOT.MY MUNCHEN TICKETS!!! SO NORMAL ABOUT IT!! IF ANYONE WANTS TO GO TOGETHER!! I'M SCARED OF CONCERTS ALONE LOL #ANYWZY I ALSO PAID FOR AN RBNB BEFORE THEY CHANGED THE GIG'S LOCATION..IT USED TO BE 3MINS AWAY NOW ITS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF #THE CITY I LOVE MY LIFE #BUT ANYWAY YEAH HMU #journaliteuse

[blissfullydead]

Some more club nights are getting closer and I’m worried I might chicken out because I’ll have to somehow get home alone

#like yea I could get taxis or whatever #but what if I stay out too late and I can’t get one or it costs a fortune #plus I’d be doing it Alone #also someone in the scene here got spiked the other day at a random gig and it’s like hmm #if that happens to me and I’m alone I’m kind of fucked #I just want to go out and dance man 😭 #talking #delete later #I can’t make the kind of friends who Like clubbing unless I fuckin go outside in the first place

[calamitys-child]

I had so many nice things for this week planned out since like September and every single one of them has gone completely wrong at the last minute and frankly I think god wants me dead

#friend cant visit. cant afford to move. going to this gig alone cs my mates cancelled on me. we dont even have limes for me to cook lunch #so now im out a walk in the fucking humid rain and i forgot my lighter so i cant even smoke about it

[sinking-into-mist]

Okay so last Friday after the Arttu Lindeman gig he came to the merch table to chat with people. And I ended up telling him that before the BC ice hall show I hadn't listened to his music, but now he is definitely going to be my most listened to artist for this year 😄 (which is not an exaggeration, it's already so clear that this year I've listened to him way more than any other artist 😅)

He said that earlier last year he had been talking about wanting to do a really big show, but then when the BC ice hall came up he'd been like oh no I should have been more careful what I wished for because surely the audience is just going to laugh me right off the stage 🙈 So he was very happy that he hadn't been booed at, and that he'd even gotten some new fans 😄

Based on my few minute encounter with him, I'm declaring that Arttu Lindeman is such a kind and chill and sweet person, and also gives good hugs 😊

#like objectively is he the greatest singer ever? no. but he's good and the songs are catchy 🤷‍♀️ #and he seems like a nice person and is a lot of fun on stage #also highly approved that several songs on the newest album have more depth #(also bonus points for smelling very nice 😄 i kinda wanted to ask what the scent is but that probably would have been a bit too weird 😂) #anyway. definitely would recommend especially the newest album and going to his gigs! #tbh i'm already considering going to one of his upcoming shows 😅 preferably not alone though so if anyone's interested PLEASE do hmu 😄🙈

[thekidsfromyestergay]

should i drop $200 to go see mcr again by myself in a different state i would love your wisdom if it’s okay

Oh absolutely do it I love going to gigs alone but also i have spent far too much money on ridiculous things so maybe I'm not the best person to trust on that front

#i genuinely think everyone should go to a gig alone at least once in their life #even if its just a tiny one #if i couldve seen mcr a third time i 100% would. no matter what the cost was. but thats just me #i also spent like £300 on a shitty guitar shaped like a butterfly okay dont trust me to make decisions with money

[chicknparm]

Listen, you all know and love (tolerate) that I’m a Taylor Swift fan. I’ve watched the reputation tour on Netflix so many times. But showing a concert movie in THEATERS is actually insane lmao. You want me to pay money? To sit in a confined space with Swifties? Without even seeing the live show in person??? Anyway it’ll make a zillion dollars and every big artist will start doing it and it will be a shitty excuse to keep charging thousands for concert tickets and seeing big name musicians will be like seeing Broadway shows; exclusively for the rich and/or lucky :/

#‘buh go see small bands ya know REAL ARTISTS’ #I know. I do. I’ve played at my fair share of tiny gigs let alone attended them #congrats you don’t like the popular thing we are very impressed by your taste and intellect

[musicrunsthroughmysoul]

Fans can be so funny sometimes. (Myself included.)

#decided to wade through a few comments on YT for Big Country's live performance of ''Fields of Fire'' on The Tube in 1984 #and some lady commented ''he (Stuart) looked so happy here'' and from seeing the beginning of the video #and also just listening to it (Bruce's guitar was not producing any sound! for most of the song) #I was like 'um lady. I'm sorry but. he's actually kinda pissed off' lmao #like idk. if he was happy it was when he could finally get off stage and get tf out of there with the sound/technical issues. #but nonetheless: I know what she meant. it's just...as fans we're so cute. we only see the good stuff that we want to see #and for bands/artists we're fans of we only ever want to see them happy and that their gigs are successful (all around) #which is lovely for us and all but also tbh pretty unrealistic. I think about this sometimes especially when I go to shows alone. #I don't know if I'm projecting but when I go to shows alone I often wonder how the artists feel. especially at...very very small shows. #and even though I've sung solos in front of people before when I was in school - I can't remember WHAT it was like/how it felt. #the experience of being an artist in front of people and sharing your art? fuck if I can recall. (except hahaha being terrified) #so now I just...wonder. and try to show my appreciation for the artists as best I can anyway...even when I'm shy and awkward. :/ #random rambling