#it was just trial and error on all of these

[the-bonfires-ember]

Friendship and ASPD

In a cluster b server I’m in, someone asked about how ASPD impacts friendships and I was encouraged to cross post my response on here so here we go.

Firstly, I’m going to go through how I figured out friendship and how to make it work for me starting from my lowest functioning point to where I am now.

So to begin with, I had no true circles. I floated between groups of people who could give me what I wanted in that moment and just manipulated them into giving it to me if my request alone was not satisfactory. Sometimes all I wanted was social camouflage, sometimes i wanted money or food or a distraction. It was arbitrary and there was no real long term plan - at least, when i was no longer in an environment where long term strategies were vital.

Eventually, as I started working on my recovery, I managed to maintain relationships that were exclusively online. The convenience in putting away my laptop and my social obligations disappearing along with it was immensely helpful and it gave me a way of experimenting with being a little more open and a little more attached that had no Real Life repercussions. It was still transactional, all my relationships still are to this day, but they started becoming less Obviously transactional. I was still getting physical, tangible stuff from people, but I was also getting support, a safe space to figure out how to relate to my emotions, and somewhere to practice empathy and other social skills like it. There was a lot of trial and error but when I ruined something in one space I could just start again somewhere else and not have to worry about the two overlapping.

Now that I am Recovered™️ sort of, I’ve developed Exceptions, who have at some point shown that they are trustworthy and nonjudgemental and understand the antisocial side of my personality and are happy to help me work around it. My symptoms sort of change around them. I don’t have remorse but with Exceptions I will feel a kind of visceral disgust directed at myself for how I could have hurt them like that and that will quite often spark a narc crash.

I decided a long time ago what I didn’t want to be, so throughout the entire process I was watching for patterns of behaviour that were harmful for the sake of being harmful. I created a quite intricate set of rules that I couldn’t loophole my way out of and that was very much an important factor in how I continued to develop my skills and ability to interact and maintain relationships.

I am still bad at a lot of stuff though. I don’t reach out to people, I never start conversations so a lot of people just disappear until I’m reminded of them. I’m also awful at vocalising appreciation and while I know logically that people like to help their friends, I constantly have an internal debate about whether I am taking advantage of people I don’t want to be taking advantage of (given that taking advantage of people tends to make them pissed off eventually). And there are days where I don’t want to be around anyone at all and thats ok. It’s better for me to let myself be by myself than to force myself to interact with people when I really dont want to.

Recognising where I lack skills and reflexes prosocials have has been a skill in and of itself and it took a long time to develop it. But it’s been worth it to me, I’m now able to experience and enjoy so many aspects of life I thought weren’t meant for me.

And I’m very smug about being able to get it despite it being implied I never would.

#cluster b #actually aspd #actually narcissistic #aspd #npd #aspd safe #npd safe #actually npd #narcissistic sociopath

[twost3ps]

I wanna make some hazbin x scott pilgrim au inspired art where Adam is Ramona and Lucifur is Scott

The scenario is this:

After adam dies and comes back as a sinner, after all that angst, all that trial and error, Lucifur makes moves on Adam and finally, FINALLY, gets him to say yes to a relationship.

Man thought it was over.

Lucifur: Adam, I'm so glad you're finally mine ☺️

Adam: Um.. about that...

Lucifur: what?

Adam: you need to fight my seven exes....

Lucifur: what????

And then Lucifur has to fight Adam's exes as said before and it goes from easy to hard and I giggle in my seat.

My roster is this- easiest to hardest, why im choosing them:

7- Mammon (greedyguitar/firstchristmas)- I think this ship is hilarious and I feel like it :3 it would make Luci be like: WHAT??? HOW??? They met on an extermination day, found eachother funny and had a good fling for a while. They're still good friends actually and when Adam go revived as sinner, he would contact Mammon from time to time without Lucifur knowing

6- ??? -dunno so help me decide :3

5- Eve (edit:edenapple)- this is obvious an a duh the original pookies bro bffr 🙄

4- Azazel (deadlyguitar or deathmetal idk) saw this one. Snatched it. It's mine now I'm gonna love them forever as well. They met when Adam was retrieved from the earth on his death bed. Adam found him kinda hot.

3- Raphael (idk haven't made one yet/maybe greenthumb? Bcz Adam was a farmer and Raphael's color is green)- Idk I just feel like it. Raphael is the angel of healing if I'm not wrong. Healing both physically and spiritually, so Adam went to him for therapy and they kissed cuz I said so.

2- Gabriel (i can't choose between guitaramp or guitarspeaker) - Along with Micheal, he was another oc ship I had in my draft sketches. Couldn't tell you why. Fun dynamic tho for me bcz my Gabriel is a loud mouth gossip. They met in Adam's last years of life and in heaven, Gabriel being Micheal's second in command, met Adam often during his training. They're silly

1- Micheal- it's me... come on... this is my whole account... but i had this boy in my sketches before I revived this account. But yeah, he was Adams friend in Eden, guide and mentor in heaven, and is mad protective of Adam even after the falling out. Also Luci and him need to brawl is for their own good. Love the brother angst ❤️

Lucifur is shocked at how many guys Adam has actually dated/been with, and Adam is just openly bisexual. He just doesn't tell anyone, tho or really show it lol

I need to show you guys my interpretations of the archangels like,,,, soon omg... but for now you're gonna have to guess until I make that art hhhh

Idk who to put in for 6 tho...

And before I anyone says Lute or Lilith, I wanna keep the ratio of the 6 guys 1 girl like how it is and I just don't think either fit, atleast for me.

Lilith... nah... I feel like she's a mix of Kim, Envy and Knives in the sense (scotts exes) of this au and for Lute- I just don't ship Guitarspear. Don't get me wrong, it's a great ship but I saw they're dynamic as more of silly dad and his feral child. I like that dynamic way more for them so yea.

But if you have any ideas for who 6 should be either send it to me in asks, comments, dms or any other way cuz I genuinely have no idea who the last person would be :')

I feel like they should be somone with a long history with Adam so no one from the hotel :/ which is why this is so hard to choose 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I was tempted to do st peter (holynotes) for a giant laugh but I don't think so??? Maybe??? BRUH IDK USBEBEHSBSJEKWWK

Please send help I beg 🙏🙏🙏🙏

#adamsapple #hazbin hotel #guitarhero #micheal hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel michael #lucifer morningstar #adam hazbin hotel #lucifer x adam #scott pilgrim au #guys please send me ideas im actually begging you

[fengxun]

Vient la douleur

Neuvillette lives in the aftermath.

Pairing: Neuvillette x GN!Reader

Content: Major character death, suicide, implied/referenced self-harm, grief/mourning, past relationship. More narration than dialogue. (~3.2k words)

Note: Just working through some things :') I gave this my all, so please be kind and let me know what you think!!

Read on AO3

There are a lot of things Neuvillette could liken you to.

You were the sun, shining bright on the gloomiest of days with your joyful disposition and beautiful smile. You were his favourite melody, someone he could listen to for hours and hours on end. You were his rainbow roses and windwheel asters, the flowers of love and freedom. You were everything a romantic could ever dream of, even if you never saw it in yourself. You were the missing piece he needed all along.

Most important of all: you are his beloved, the one who held his heart in their hands.

Solitude was far from a stranger. Though Fontaine is hardly a place with a scarce population, he was more used to being by himself. He didn’t join in the hustle and bustle of the city, and he didn’t play house like the children did. Instead, he found a hobby in watching the vibrance of human life alone from the sidelines, learning in trial and error what it meant to live. Emotions didn’t come as easy to him as it would to the average person. He could feel a raging inferno in his chest or a chill trickling down his spine, but he’d never have the words for it. All he could do was watch the skies change with his thoughts in the form of a downpour or a tempest.

But in solitude, he also met you.

You came into his life like a whirlwind, as only the best kind. You met him without fear but with eagerness and excitement that he couldn’t help being mesmerised by. Your smile was the first thing he noticed about you. He remembers how it reached your eyes and how it showed the dimples in your cheeks. He didn’t know it at the time, but those would become one of his favourite sights in his life.

“Monsieur Neuvillette!”

You called him with a sense of familiarity that, oddly, he was comforted by. He understood then what the poets meant when they said it felt like the world had stopped for them. In a matter of a few seconds, he felt like he’d known you for years, just because of how warm you felt. Whether it was by chance or by fate matters little to him; regardless of what it had been, it brought you into his life.

Every love song he’d heard from the opera’s chanteuses began to make sense. ‘Love at first sight’ is truly a curious phenomenon. Exploring the depths that are human emotions then was a journey that led to more questions than answers. How do humans know when they’re in love? How do humans know when they’ve met ‘the one?’ He supposes he’ll never get a solid answer to these questions, but he’ll take one in the form of you. Perhaps he never needed to ask. Perhaps all he had to do was wait for the day your souls intertwined.

One chit-chat led to a conversation, and those conversations led to a routine. He’d see you at the park in the evenings and then walk you home when he felt it was getting late. Some days, he’d sit with you in a gazebo away from the crowd and just watch many lives pass by. Though your conversations mostly consisted of you talking and him listening, he liked it. He liked how expressive you were, how he always wanted to see more. The wonder in your eyes was something he’d grown fond of very quickly, but that wasn’t the only thing about you that he’d fallen in love with.

Just seeing you interact with your surroundings alone made it clear that you loved everything. From the city to its people, from the flora to the fauna, there wasn’t a single thing you weren’t happy to see. You brought colours into his life, showed him the vibrant side of the world he hadn’t seen yet. He was almost envious of how carefree and outgoing you were. A friendly smile, a gentle wave, some small talk about the weather; socialising came naturally to you. It fascinated him and warmth would blossom in his chest every time he saw how animated you could get. But there was no room for envy, nor was there a need to be. You were a breath of fresh air and you felt like home.

You liked to tell him that there’s always something good waiting for him the next day. That daybreak is a sign that you’ve lived for another day even when you don’t feel like you did anything valuable. I just look forward to every day! you had said, giving him a grin that always left him stumbling for words. It didn’t answer his inquiry, but it was enough. It appeared to him that you loved life, and getting to be happy with others is only a part of what makes it so special for you.

He didn’t have much to do outside of the Court. His free time was mostly spent reading or water tasting. Sometimes he’d bring work home just to ensure he recorded everything correctly. It was quite an average routine that changed when he met you. The moment you met, his days became livelier. It must’ve been quite the sight for Fontainians indeed, to see their Chief Justice taking afternoon strolls with a dessert in hand. He didn’t care for the hearsay that inevitably circulated from his new activities. What mattered was that you were becoming an integral part of what used to be mundane and changing it for the better.

It was not often that he had the time for leisure. Still, he found it difficult to deny you anything, and so he’d always find a way to make time for you. That time would be spent in the gardens or restaurants, occasionally in the front seats of the Opera Epiclese if there was a show you wanted to see. When it got dark, it would be spent in the comfort of his home with you on his lap as he read to you. Sometimes you’d fall asleep in his arms and your lips would curl into a small smile when you felt his lips touching the crown of your head. Affection wasn’t something he was used to as it wasn’t exactly a necessity, but he found himself craving yours.

The puzzle pieces fell into place on their own as if there was a telepathic bond between you and him. There was never a label for what you two were. The papers would call you lovers or companions, depending on what they caught on camera. It didn’t matter much to him, either. What he knew was that there was a bond, something that intrinsically linked your hearts to one another, and it made every day feel like summer.

Before long, he realised that you were right. Something good awaits after every daybreak, something that will brighten up his day and light up his heart with joy, and for him, it was you.

—

Time flows like water, unending and always in motion. The world turns and the days go by, turning into months and years that pass in a blink of an eye. Time is a witness to every step one takes and it remembers every story that unfolds. Time is what Neuvillette has plenty of and it is kind to him. He learns and adapts to the world as it changes around him without haste, letting years of knowledge build him into the person he is today.

Time, however, treats people like you differently.

Where he never aged, you did. Where it didn’t wear him out, it did to you. The glimmer in your eyes grew more dull over the years. Your smiles became rarer, and you no longer talked to those you considered your friends. You never told him why you were changing. It was as if your heart had betrayed you, making what used to shine bright grow dimmer and dimmer until it was completely extinguished.

In the face of it all, you still had plenty of love to give. You still held him every night as he sought for solace in your arms. You still listened to his curiosities and indulged in everything he had to ask. At the same time, it felt as though you were too far for him to reach you. As though you were fading deeper into the darkness until the only echoes he could hear were his own. His heart ached to see you this way, and for someone as meticulous as he is, he was at a total loss.

Even then, he refused to leave you. He will always love you no matter what you become. He’d love you in every way and he’d love you through thick and thin, through the calm and the tumultuous.

Six hundred and ten days have passed, and it continues to hold.

You left with everything he was and behind a letter in your wake. In it was an apology that etched its words into his bloodstream and a memory that appears every time you cross his mind. In it also came a promise that you’d find him in your next life no matter how long it takes, for your soul has found a home in him. And finally, in it was a wish: that you wanted him to live without regret, just like how you never regretted your time with him.

‘You can find happiness again without me,’ you wrote. Your tears stained the paper where ink seeped and blurred some of the words. His heart aches to think of the guilt you carried with you even after death. Of how afraid you must’ve felt as the poison flowed into your system, and how alone you must’ve been.

The sight is still engraved into his very vision: your limp, lifeless body with both old and fresh scars across your skin, the vial of poison on the floor and the sealed letter in your hand. Composure was second nature to Neuvillette, but none of it was to be seen when he found you. His hands were shaking as he took you into his arms and held you close. His heart felt heavy as if it was coming to a stop. Emotions brewed within him like a storm, volatile and disorderly, but not a word left his lips.

By the time Sigewinne arrived, reality had sunk in, and every prayer he had shattered like glass. The rainstorm lasted for weeks after that. Only by the fourth did the rain finally stop and even then, the skies seemed to be in a permanent state of gloom with the clouds shrouding the sun and stars. Fontaine eventually got back its clarity much later, and people seemed to already move on from the strange natural phenomenon that had occurred.

Six hundred and ten days have passed, and he still misses you as much as he did that spring.

Life without you felt more like dusk than daybreak. The splash of colour had melted away and days felt longer without someone waiting for his return. His home is eerily quieter and more hollow. Your favourite trinkets were never moved from where they were placed on the shelves. The book he’d been reading to you every night stays open and unturned on the table. His own home had turned into a paradox—you were here, but you also weren’t.

How strange, he thinks, how he still feels so acutely alone even with everything you left behind. He’s been through grief time and time again, but it never gets easier. If anything, this is perhaps the most harrowed he has ever felt.

The cemetery had begun to feel more familiar than it should. He hears everything that people say there. He hears them talk about how they wish they could see their loved one welcoming them back home. He hears them talk about how they wish they could just hear their loved one’s laughter one last time. How they wish they had professed their love before it was too late, how they wish they could say all the things they never dared to say. In this, he is not alone. His thoughts flow in that very same direction.

Neuvillette is not a selfish man. There is nothing he heavily desired that he’d do anything to obtain. And yet, he wonders if he should and could be just this once. Everything he wants is you. Every face in the crowd he sees is you, and every song he hears is in your voice. If he had just been more selfish and demanded you to stay, would he have been able to stop you? Would you still make the same decision?

He wakes up every morning to a cold and empty bedside. He leaves without a kiss goodbye. He comes home with no one to welcome him back. Suddenly he has returned to where he once was, alone and closed off from the world around him. Being by himself isn’t as daunting as it used to be, but nothing could ever replace you. With you, loneliness hardly existed. Without you, he has returned back to where he started.

Tick, tick, tick. The clock is the only sound he can hear on this dreary night as he watches it strike twelve. His eyes stay trained on his reflection in the glass, hoping that he’ll see you coming up to embrace him from behind like you used to.

You never do.

Yet another date on the calendar is crossed out. The ring glimmers in the moonlight from where it lays in its velvet box. He’d imagined it playing out in his mind, from the proposal to the look on your face as you told him yes. It was a gift that he spent a long time preparing and waiting for. A surprise that would always make you smile whenever you thought about it.

It was meant to be a promise, one that he would keep for as long as you’d let him.

But you never got to celebrate your birthday, and so he lets the candle’s flames die out on their own. With a heavy heart, he puts the ring back where it was on the shelf. Some plans go awry, but he can’t give up yet. There will come a day when he meets you again, and only then can he finally tell you everything he wanted to say.

For now, they remain unspoken. The promise is never made, and he alone is the witness.

—

Neuvillette wakes up to a world without colour.

Everything around him is painted in different shades of grey, from the trees swaying in the wind to the crystal-clear water in the fountain. Faceless passers-by are scattered across the plaza, talking amongst each other in hushed and intelligible words. As he walks down the stone path, he becomes acutely aware that this is merely a dream. And yet, he is completely lucid; he can feel the breeze against his skin and hear the birds chirping in the distance. His body moves at its command, continuing down the path to the destination only it could know.

He finds himself atop a grassy hill that overlooks the horizon where he can see a person standing on the edge. Your back is turned, but there’s no mistaking it—he’d recognise you from anywhere. It goes far deeper than memory. It's his instinct, his life, and he’d always choose you no matter what decision he has to make. He comes to a halt just as you finally look at him, and what was only a vignette bursts into vivid colours.

The world is no longer grey as vibrance returns to where it belongs. Neuvillette’s breath gets stuck in his throat the closer you approach him. You aren’t in the clothes he’d last seen you in. You’re dressed in white and you hold a bouquet of rainbow roses in your hands, every piece of it in full bloom.

“You’re here!”

This is a dream. He knows he is. But it sounds exactly like you, looks exactly like you, and he’s missed you so deeply that he’ll happily stay in this trance a while longer. He parts his lips to speak, but no words come out. There’s a light burn in his nose and behind his eyes the longer he looks at your joyful self. Without realising it, a tear rolls down his cheek, and he finds that he can finally breathe.

His hands shake as he reaches for you. Before he can revel in feeling you beneath his touch after so long, your skin turns cold and you melt into his hands until nothing is left behind but water. Only remnants of the mirage he’d just seen are left behind. And as if they never returned, the world turns grey once more before it completely fades into the dark.

Now, Neuvillette finds himself in his bed.

Rain pitter-patters against the window beside him and behind the shower is the sunrise, coming up ever so slowly. He casts a glance at your side of the bed and it is still empty, devoid of your warmth. It constantly reminds him of how cold and empty this place is, a stark difference from what it was when you were around. The sun has not yet risen. Hues of dark blue spread across the sky and obscure the stars, casting a dreariness upon the entirety of Fontaine.

The chill nips at his cheeks as he leaves his abode and makes his way to the cemetery in silence. He remembers the path to your grave like the back of his hand, a bitter fact he lives with, but he reigns himself in. The bouquet of Lumidouce bells in his hands suddenly feels much heavier as he gazes down at your picture. It’s already beginning to lose its colour thanks to the time and weather, so he reminds himself to replace it as soon as he can.

He gingerly puts the bouquet down on your altar. He imagines how you’d chide him seeing him in this state, how you’d wrap your arms around his waist and pull him close. He wonders if you have returned to the cosmos or the seas and if you’d be able to feel how much he yearns to be with you again. If there is an afterlife, is it a place where you are happy and free of every burden you carried? If he listened to the waters, would he be able to hear you calling his name?

(Six hundred and eleven days have passed, and his questions remain unchanged.)

Deep in his heart, Neuvillette fears that there will come a day when he forgets the way you looked or the way you sounded. Your voice has already become distant in his mind; it won’t be long before the years take you away from him again. Perhaps time isn’t as kind to him as it used to be.

But for you, he must continue to live, as much as he wishes he could turn back time and spend more of it with you. For you, he must fulfil your wish and honour you the best way he can. For you, he will hold on and wait for the next time you’ll grace him with yourself and your love.

Not once have I regretted my time with you, you had written.

He wonders if you’ll ever know that he feels the same way.

#all #neuvillette x reader #genshin impact x reader #angst #cw suicide #cw self-harm #cw death

[fliflaflux]

Sharess Caress with Astarion - a little analysis

CW: The following text deals with coping with the trauma of sexual and physical violence.

» When you met his eye for a moment, there's a look about him that reveals he's a milion realm away «

The scene with the Drow twins is often discussed - But what was astarion thinking in agreeing to the whole thing in the first place? I try to analyze a little what might be going on in the head of our favorite vampire. Might is important here, because of course I cannot know exactly.

First of all, what will I be referring to when I write about Astarion's trauma?

» "In the immediate aftermath of trauma, the victim's personality organization is disintegrated, and experiences of self and world are fragmented and chaotic. With the passage of time, the survivor's symptoms consolidate into recognizable patterns, such as intrusive memories, emotional numbness, and exaggerated startle responses." « (From: Herman, J. L. Trauma and Recovery: The Aftermath of Violence--from Domestic Abuse to Political Terror. Basic Books.)

Or in short: it's a mess.

Trial-and-Error

Treating trauma is a complicated matter and in many cases requires the help of a therapist. However, I have not yet heard of any therapists in Faerûn - so Astarion is on his own (Or he and Tav.) So I theorize that he's trying the trial-and-error method to find his own boundaries after Cazador is defeated.

Trial-and-error methods in trauma therapy refer to the process by which therapists and patients try and adapt different treatment approaches and techniques to identify those that are most effective in addressing trauma sequelae and promoting healing. In this approach, therapy is viewed as an iterative process in which both therapists and patients experiment together to find the best treatment approaches that best meet the patient's individual needs, resources and responses.

It is important to note that trial-and-error methods in trauma therapy are typically not used in isolation but as part of a more wide-ranging therapeutic approach. Here's from the book "The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma" by Bessel van der Kolk: » "The healing process often involves trial and error as therapists and clients explore different techniques and approaches to determine what works best for the individual." «

But the thing is that Astarion doesn't have a therapist. His approach of agreeing so quickly may be one to find his hard boundaries in order to be able to work with them. However, in this case he had no one to support him. No one to catch him when he started to disassociate (when he is miles away). Not to mention that jumping into bed with two strangers and his love might have been a bit too much of a jump from 0 to 100.

He certainly wants to have a 'normal' relationship with Tav, which includes sleeping together. Just because he is traumatized in this way doesn't mean that he doesn't want any more physical closeness. On the contrary: I even think that he really wants this unforced closeness out of his own desire. But he's not completely ready for it yet. But it's in character for him over the course of the game that he doesn't think long about the offer with the Drow twins, but agrees straight away. And completely overreaches himself.

Good or bad decision?

So is it a bad decision to suggest Astarion visit the brothel at all? No. I have and will always make it dependent on my player character and how it fits into the roleplay. Because Astarion agrees of his own free will. Part of his character arc is that he learns to make his own decisions and have his own experiences. This also means that he has the right to make wrong decisions. These can also be learned from in the process of healing. Every experience is important.

Cheers! -Flux

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #Astarion analysis #Bg3 analysis #Astarion Ancunin #baldurs gate 3 #Baldur's gate 3 astarion #astarion angst #Astarion romance #astarion spoilers #Bg3 spoilers #character analysis #baldurs gate astarion #bg3 social work #bg3 long post #sharess caress #drow twins #baldur's gate iii #bg3 analysis #bg3 spoilers

[redbootsindoriath]

Fëanorian Week 2023, Day 1: Maedhros

I’m so late with these I’m not even fashionably late.  But better late than never (cf. Fingolfin, probably, after finally getting to Middle Earth).

To anyone who went “Hmm I wonder if the theme this year is going to be classical sculpture?”, well, congratulations, you’re right, though I don’t know how you would have guessed that.  I was originally going to do something where I based each drawing off the meaning of the name, and since “Maitimo” means “well-shaped one” the first thing that came to mind was a Greek or Renaissance statue.  But after finishing it I decided that it had been a lot of fun and I might as well do the rest the same way.  And it sort of fit into the whole Fëanorian theme since Nerdanel is a sculptor.

#feanorianweek #maedhros #the man the myth the legends #three shinies #my trash #/end classification tags #GUYS IT'S HERE #IT'S FINALLY HERE #okay no but it helped that i came out of art block in a panic to do figure studies #''wow so you used reference pictures?'' i hear someone ask #NO #I AM STUPID AND YOU ALL KNOW THIS #in like a year i'm going to look at these and shrivel up and die from delayed firsthand embarrassment #it was just trial and error on all of these #but at least i was practicing #...right? #also yes a couple of you may have noticed i'm not reblogging from the other blog this year #this is because i didn't want to post anything on deviantart right before going on a longish trip #it's just too hard to keep up with deviantart on mobile #so i guess i'll post them later after i get back #(maybe) #(because also i feel a little bit awkward about these ones) #(so i don't know yet) #ALSO also i learned today that the colors on the tablet are not the same as the colors on my phone #and neither of them are the same as the colors on my laptop #so i don't know which is right #and i hope you all are seeing the version i had on the tablet because those ones were much cooler tones and i picked them on purpose

[gavinosbornedrors]

Monday Update!

My Monster Hunter Iron Hammer project is finally, finally done!

In all its low-poly, hand-painted drab-background glory! I am actually pretty happy with this. I would've liked this done a long time ago, and even this post to be out like a week ago, but the results are pretty solid.

I learned a lot about texturing details, the scale they should be that's readable from a far (I'm looking at you guild crest) and their distribution and density around the prop itself. Also had a moment where some other stuff regarding just illustration in general clicked that caused me to redo a bunch of detaling on this - but this came out better for it. This looked pretty solid near the end, but my decision to do a final, extra bit of metal shine, plus a bit of color overlay and shading really brought it home.

Against my better judgement I'm going to do another one - the Giant Jawblade - but the lesson this time will be speed.

#Monster Hunter #My Art #3D #3D Art #monhan #props #3D prop #hand painted #lowpoly #IT DONE #I was always gonna do another one or two of these #it actually did turn out pretty good #and that presentation isn't half bad either! #deciding how scratched up the tip of the hammer was gonna be took a long time #and a lot of trial and error #because in-game the Iron Hammer tip is like spotless? #and since I wanted mine beat up I added a bit #adding a lot just did not look good #either way #THIS ONES FOR ALL MY FELLOW HAMMER MAINS OUT THERE! #also not a WIP post!

[canon-gabriel-quotes]

Rendering process

#idk if this helps anyone -> doesnt even know what im doing #you can see the trial and error i guess #songs were randomly chosen i just didnt want 9 mins of silence. all songs are by the band ferderale #video #art #my art #non voice post #Youtube

[sopuu]

Hey, I wanted to know if you had any tips for color or coloring, I've always had trouble with coloring or picking the right colors, especially shading, anyway to make it easier

Also I LOVE your art, it's so nice and cute, and just all good in general :D

thank you!! i'm glad you enjoy the art! 🥹

tbh i'm just kinda experimenting as i go with colours but i'll drop down what i know (ofc this is just how i do things! do whatever suits you ^_^)

#asks #my doodles #forgot to mention but sometimes the difference filter doesn’t work in my favour #in which case i’ll just randomly pick colours until it looks right hgjfkd #it’s all trial and error 👍🏻 #sopuutorials

[n3bismel]

so today i downloaded lightroom classic and photoshop on my laptop so i gave them a try as a total beginner 😅😅 so here's how it went

#joker out #jan peteh #i did it just for fun #plot twist IT WASNT FUN #it was all trials and errors and it was streasing me out so much🤣 #i need to sit down and study how things work #photography

[pivsketch]

man who wants nothing to do with secret government conspiracies but is unfortunately getting involved in them nonetheless

#harrison graves #spent 999 hours dicking around with hatch texture layers -_- #''oh this will look cool'' (it ends up not looking cool) ''wtf. how do i make it cool'' (trial and error rinse and repeat. forever) #this wouldve been faster if i was physically cutting out screentones and applying it to paper irl. because then i wouldve given up faster. #hmm csp only tracked 1 or 2 hours but that cant be right. it was a fucking eternity #the little portrait in the middle looks fine but it doesnt work as well on the other two... #i wonder if it has to do with the texture density relative to the overall scale of the drawing... or maybe i need better shadow grouping... #or just more varied values in general. what if i tried giving him a dark tanktop in the sit drawing... #no no i cant open this file again today i need to move on with my life #i already spent too long last night drawing the worst chibis of all time. no more art im DONE (for now)

[skrunksthatwunk]

aurghhh ok still rewatching '97 and the way guts and casca only have the room to breathe and really come to understand and care for each other in griffith's absence because he has such a strong hold over them both.... and the way their mutual dedication to him is what causes them to bicker for years (casca thinks he's not serving him well enough, guts thinks she doesn't get that he cares/how much he cares, casca's jealousy over griffith's feelings for guts, how he won his heart without even trying or being aware of it or doing anything with it) and is also a big part of what brings them together (earlier when guts deviates from the plan to save griffith and she commends him, in the cave casca opening up about griffith and her's past, showing that vulnerability, while it's mostly confrontational, leads to guts kinda getting her better, and his efforts to save and protect her (falling off the cliff with her, taking on the 100 men so she can escape, encouraging her to return to griffith so she can help him because it's what she feels she's meant to do (her dream, the direction in life guts shares and yet is questioning because of griffith's speech at the fountain, whether or not it's enough to serve him if it means he'll never be a true friend in griffith's eyes because he's not an equal), supporting the idea of her being with griffith/being his most important person like he won't because he doesn't view it as a competition like she has been since day one) leading to her realizing that he's kind of not that bad a guy and they have a lot more in common that she thought. and how the bonfire of dreams conversation is guts opening up to her in kind, the answer to her talking about how griffith saved her, how she feels. how neither of them ever call it love but it's something they know they both have for griffith. how it's something they're beginning to have for each other, different in ways they couldn't put a word to. because they're equals this time. the way griffith kind of becomes less and less important as they find other reasons to live and fight, as they become less singularly obsessed with him. how griffith is unable to stand it, guts' personhood, that agency and peer-to-peer equality he claimed to want (and perhaps truly did) that disappeared guts from his life, his plans, his side. how it barely even matters to griffith how casca changes because he never wanted her like she wanted him. god i can't fucking stand their shakespearean nonsense drama (<- hopelessly in love with their interpersonal dynamics)

#god they're the only healthy part of this unholy mind-palace love triangle/throuple aren't they #they could have been the worst qpr/throuple in your social circle. like just insufferable when they're not getting along #if griffith hadn't [oh god oh fuck oh jesus christ] all over everything even remotely good in his life anyway #poor casca's in love with a gay man and then falls for his not-quite-boyfriend and when not-quite-boyfriend reciprocates said gay man fucki #g. Does The Eclipse Stuff. at least partially to get back at you two. oh my godd #i'm sorry i'm so not normal about them. it's starting to leak out into the blog bc i'm finally having a Berserk Moment since starting tumbl #but whewwwww. gotta get this outta my system #hope this wall of text makes sense oops <3 #berserk #berserk 1997 #how do i even tag their thang. their disastrous just horrible agonizing 3 guy dynamic. hm. #gutsca #griffguts #don't even know if anyone tags for griffith and casca. fair because 1) he raped her. yikes 2) he just straight up isn't into her #and i don't know if there's a tag for the three of them but trial and error led to nothing #but i wanna talk about their dynamic. their. (gestures wildly) whatever. it's not about thinking griffith should kiss anyone it's about lik #the agony. the pining and the torment and whatever miura so beautifully crafted for me specifically. sheesh #hope it's clear that i Don't Want Them To Be An Uwu Little Polycule Bc Casca Should Not Be In A Cutesy Throuple With Her Rapist #it's more that i think they kind of are or almost are part of this (gestures wildly again). Thing. with each other and i wanna talk about i #same with griffguts like oh man they should NOT be in a relationship. but i have this deep intense Need to study them and frankly they're #kind of crazy about each other for a while. like they care about each other so so much it's crucial to all three of their characters. #so it's kind of unavoidable. and i wanna talk about it. and have this read by people who also want to talk about it. yeah? yeah. #(and yeah i think griffith raping casca was about her and guts. like 'fuck you for making him okay with leaving me' type of vibe. even #though it wasn't her fault he's just. god. but it sure as hell isn't Mostly about casca because griffith's making eye contact like the Whol #time with guts. he makes him watch. it's just. shooooooooooo aughhhhghhghh fucking. jesus christ. that or it's the fear that his two most #important pawns are going to leave him Together and he just. can't deal with that. especially after the torture internment thing. #he's so weak and he was so close to his dream and now it's falling apart and they're leaving him and he can't even move. it's about making #damn sure they can't escape him or forget him ever again. #or maybe it's even a 'you can't have her she's mine' to guts but it's still largely like. spiteful/about possessing her as a soldier/human #because i don't think you could convince me it's about having her as a lover or about controlling/hurting/possessing her body.)

[leofrith]

[fic] honor bound

fandom: assassin’s creed: valhalla

characters: eivor/leofrith, ceolbert, sigurd, ivarr, ubba, dag, ceolwulf, more to be added

rating: mature

warnings: canon-typical violence, others listed by chapter

In the absence of her jarl, Eivor finds herself tasked with the care and keeping of her entire clan, the young heir to the Mercian throne, and a former thegn who appears to be more ghost than man. Betrayed by his king and left for dead, Leofrith is set adrift without a purpose and living among those he once called enemies. But as they both set out to right past wrongs, they find that the line dividing friend from foe is thinner than it seems, and that purpose—and companionship—can be found in unexpected places. OR Leofrith has a crisis of faith, joins the Hidden Ones, and falls in love. Not necessarily in that order.

read here: chapter i

#assassin's creed #ac valhalla #eivor varinsdottir #leofrith #leovor #eivor varinsdóttir #eivor wolfkissed #eivor wolfsmal #i didn't actually mean to hit post on that draft just now i was only tinkering with it for the millionth time #but FUCK IT WE BALL #this one goes out to all the leofrith girlies. all five of us. 🥴 #this fic has been rotting my brain since november and shows no signs of abating any time soon #i've never done a masterpost for a longfic before so this is gonna be a process of trial and error #and now i will log off or else i'll keep editing this thing forever and ever #honor bound #this is a writing tag

[inafieldofdaisies]

Last Line Paragraph Tag | Tagged by @jillvalentinesday ❤️

"John?", [Sabrina's] tone made him worry he had spoken his thoughts out loud on accident. "Yeah?" "You got really quiet over there, I thought the call dropped.", a drawer slammed shut somewhere in the distance, "I was saying, that seeing how it's not an emergency, I thought I could put some clothes on first, instead of…", she trailed off, then added more quietly, "sitting around in a towel and talking to you." "Because that would be weird?", he looked down at the towel that was concealing another inevitable "situation" in the making. "Yes. So just… pretend I said nothing." He leaned back on his free hand, pressing the phone closer to his ear, "And if I don't want to?" "Why would you-", she thought better of it, "Never mind." It would be a miracle if I wake up tomorrow and she doesn't have a restraining order in place.

Tagging, @socially-awkward-skeleton @direwombat @chazz-anova @strangefable @trench-rot @josephslittledeputy @josephseedismyfather @g0dspeeed @cassietrn @florbelles @clicheantagonist @thesingularityseries @theelderhazelnut @poisonedtruth @adelaidedrubman @corvosattano @aceghosts @shegetsburned @madparadoxum @voidika @euryalex @stacispratt @henbased @nightbloodbix @simplegenius042 @dumbassdep and anyone that would like to share a little something ❤️

#yes; he's totally normal about it all; totally knows how to talk to a person he just met 🤣 #sabrina: i'm going into a tunnel now *presses airplane mode*; *all the puns are RIGHT there* #tagged <3 #oc: sabrina donovan #wip: a trial of errors #last line tag #last line game #last line wip #fc5 deputy #fc5 ocs #far cry 5 oc #john x sabrina #fc5 au #far cry 5 au #wip stuff #wip snippet

[simplyghosting]

“No one needs a computer anymore.”

Wrong.

>right-click

>inspect element

>delete annoying script housing this opinion

#ghost posts #inspect element my beloved #i won’t say I’m good at it or understand code at all even #but I can trial and error my way to success buddy click click #this is how I deal with most of the annoying pop ups btw #some are harder bc they hide the code better #but a lot of them are just sitting on top of the page so I just delete that script #i probably should learn more about code html and script at some point

[venacoeurva]

What is with those random accounts like [insert a few random words here]-blog just popping up flooded with machine fabricated images. Are they the new spam bots, because if so they've finally found a spam bot more annoying than the p[]rn ones: silicon valley type machine learning bros...

#vena vents #not art #nice shitty generated image of a house and fake animals bro I hope your programmer trips face first onto legos covered in feral cat feces #like if you see a blog with that format and clearly obviously not a person just that format check their posts at least #I'm still mad about those silicon valley fuckheads making the association of ai so shitty and greedy and inherently parasitic #years ago it was associated with science and medicine and training trial and error behaviors with characters in programs #like teaching a little 3d model guy to walk and all that #now it just feels insidious and soulless for spineless little baby men who don't have the balls to try to be creative and inevitably fail #at it sometimes and for corporations who don't value humans

[dragonsdendoodles]

What pencils/pens do you use?

While I do have more, this is my usual arsenal!

Erasers: a pickle eraser I got from Barnes and Noble (which works surprisingly better than any other erasers I’ve used), a Pentel Clic Eraser ZE22 for smaller stuff, and a Faber-Castell Kneadable Art Eraser (that I’m going to have to replace soon lol)

Pencils: a Zebra M•301 MP with really any regular .5 lead I can find and a Zebra DelGuard with .5 Uni Nano Dia Color lead. I refuse to use wood pencils. They make my hands hurt.

Pens: most commonly, a four-color pen I got from a space shuttle stationery set I also found at Barnes and Noble because somehow it’s the best sketching pen I’ve ever found. When I wanna get REALLY fancy, I bust out my Micron 03, Brush, and Graphic pens and a white Gelly Roll 08.

It’s mostly an amalgamation of gifts and random art supplies I’ve found, but it all works! These are my essentials for my sketchbook, but hey, I’m just an internet artist that makes way too many sketchbook doodles instead of full regular works. I’m in no way a professional artist. But this is what works for me, and all of it I highly recommend. 😁

#other things of note in my pencil bag: #a fun eraser. at all times. hence the pickle. #a full rainbow of highlighters #scissors #tape #sticky notes #and a small squishy pig named penny. she is green and her girlfriend is chloe the blue cat who was given to my boyfriend #all trial and error tbh #and this may not work for you! you might find something better #this is just my stuff :) #dragon’s doodles