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shadowsong26fic · 7 years

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So when you say you ship obianidala, do you mean, like, obi-wan and padme have feelings for each other and padme has a relationship with both obi-wan and anakin? I just really don't like obikin because the power dynamic is really messed up. Obi-wan raised Anakin. And sure, they started working together more as equals, but obi-wan is still an authority figure in anakin's life. He still calls him master in rots. Obi-wan called Anakin his brother, but he's still a much older brother who raised him.

Soooooo my answer turned out to be really, really long, talking about what works for me in the various subdynamics of the OT3 here XD.

Uh, short answer: when I say I ship something, I don’t necessarily mean all the time in every timeline it is the best of all possible worlds? There are definitely ships I can only ship in certain AU contexts (example: in ATLA, I can only ship Zutara in an AU that diverges from canon no later than Crossroads of Destiny). Also, I very, very rarely ship OT3s in general (example: I am one of the like two people in the Leverage fandom that doesn’t ship the OT3). But Obianidala is one of the few OT3s that works for me at all, whether as a full triad or as a vee of some kind.

Anyway, in terms of the three possible romantic sub-pairings (Anidala, Obikin, Obidala), the only one I ship by itself is Anidala. And, honestly, I actually ship them as a pair more than I ship Obianidala, for the most part (though, like, ideally Obi-Wan is always part of their life/dynamic/etc., just not necessarily as a romantic partner for either of them?). This has a lot to do with my personal history with these characters and their relationships and various broad shipping culture things. Especially in terms of the Obikin arm of the triad–I’ve gone back and forth on it a lot as a SW/prequels fan. In part for the power dynamic issues you mentioned, and in part because of personal Feelings I have about the way platonic love tends to be treated as something Lesser Than romantic love, and the two of them (or the way people shipped them, or something about this dynamic) used to hit that button for me really, really hard. But at this point, I like/can work with any of the potential OT3 variants where the Anidala arm is present (i.e., full triad, Anakin-centered vee, Padme-centered vee).

[This is all, of course, assuming canon/a near-canon AU—I don’t really write/am not super interested in Total AUs like modern day/coffee shop/whatever so I can’t really comment on those. And a canon-divergent AU with a significant/early enough breakpoint changes the potentially hinky dynamics and therefore at least some of my feelings/opinions on the subject. On a purely personality basis, though (i.e., in a not-necessarily-near-canon AU, or with the right post-ROTS AU setup), yes, I ship them in any of the three permutations mentioned above. As I mentioned before, they’re one of like two OT3s I ship at all.]

All right, this is already super long and I have like at least 1k words worth of more detail (about the triad as a whole, about Obikin, about Obidala). So we’re going behind a cut. For the purposes of this discussion, I’m classifying ‘near-canon AU’ [henceforth abbreviated as NCAU] as one where no significant plot changes up to AOTC have occurred (i.e., Anakin still grows up in the Temple as Obi-Wan’s apprentice and Padme’s life during those ten years follows much the same trajectory).

So, to start, for the Obidala arm—this one’s hard for me to make it actually work without being part of some form of triad in canon/NCAU, mostly because of the way Anakin fits in with each of the others individually (regardless of whether his dynamic with Obi-Wan is romantic or platonic). Also, we don’t really see the two of them interact much in canon without Anakin being either there or the conversation somehow being about Anakin (which is one of the things I wish we’d gotten more of in TCW…). That being said, I do find their (potential) dynamic very, very compelling? They both…hmmm, I’m trying to figure out how to word this. They have a lot in common, in terms of worldview, interests, how they approach complex problems (though Padme tends to be very “fight me” and Obi-Wan tends to be more “…well that escalated quickly time to jump off a building”)—and they both really, really love to argue/debate in a way that would make the parts where they do disagree a lot of fun for them. Or something? I’m not articulating this well (again, in part due to the lack of canon foundation, also I haven’t explored this arm as much as I feel like I should; certainly not to the point where I could explain why I like it), but…they just work together, you know?

Anyway, apart from their separate relationships with Anakin making it hard for them to be an exclusive romantic couple [at least in canon or an NCAU], the main problem with this pairing, for me, is getting the relationship started. Like, don’t get me wrong—Padme jumps off that cliff in AOTC just as hard as Anakin does; she’s just as attracted to him as he is to her; the only reason she doesn’t make the first move is because she has like 2% more impulse control (and 100% more mental stability) than he does and I will fight anyone who says otherwise/attempts to push that ‘he accidentally mind-controlled her into loving him’ headcanon in my face. …which is another discussion for another day, sorry). And, I mean, I am of the firm opinion that she had THE BIGGEST CRUSH on Obi-Wan for a while, and if they’d reconnected slightly differently somewhere along the way…but that would not be an NCAU. But even given her probable crush and her hopeless romanticism and her less-than-perfect impulse control, it would play out very differently with Obi-Wan than with Anakin.

For starters, he’s not the type to make the first move or any kind of declaration/confession the way Anakin does in canon (or so I assume based on the way things Satine play out). And he’s a lot more reserved and better/clearer about boundaries (as discussed elsewhere re: the full triad dynamic), so she wouldn’t necessarily do it either (even given the lack of impulse control) without major external forces pushing the issue. Basically, it would take a mutual near-death experience or something to make it happen [or, alternatively, a situation like with Satine only Padme actually would ask him to stay at the end of that year–but, again, that would probably not be an NCAU]. But once they get past that first stumbling block, they would be the power couple to end all power couples. Like IDK if I can articulate it, just. Damn. I mean, I don’t think they would actually conquer the galaxy, but only because neither of them really wants to. Because they absolutely could.

[Incidentally, I don’t actually feel a mutual near-death experience (like in canon with the arena) would have been necessary in the end for Anidala to happen, because they’re both extremely stubborn/passionate people, extremely into one another (fight me), they’ve at least acknowledged this/floated the idea of being together, and neither of them is good at impulse control; it would just be a different (and probably healthier) way/pace for their relationship to develop. Also, ALL OF THE MUTUAL PINING until something finally gave. Like, I can’t write it because courtship narratives aren’t really in my wheelhouse but I would read the HELL out of a fic like that.]

Anyway, clearly, a Padme-centered vee works for me ^_^. I think it would still take a mutual near-death experience, and I think Anakin would have to be there when it happened (because of his issues with jealousy etc.; I mean that subplot in ROTS was stupid and I’m very glad it got cut, but he is clingy and possessive and insecure, especially when it comes to these two. If he was there from the start, though, I think he would very much be Shipper On Deck. Possibly to the point of actively shoving them at one another with all the subtlety of a brick [b/c then he can keep them BOTH]. And this is a Happy Endings type post, so we’re gonna go with that).

Moving on; for the Obikin arm (and also sort of blending into the idea of an Anakin-centered vee or full triad)–basically, the way I view it is this: Anakin has two soulmates (and a parasite, but this particular discussion is not about Palpatine and how he fits into things). Whether these relationships are platonic (because I do absolutely believe in platonic soulmates) or romantic depends on a lot of different factors. Generally speaking, in a near-canon timeline, I tend to go with Anakin and Obi-Wan’s relationship is platonic, and his relationship with Padme is romantic; mostly because of the power dynamic issue you mentioned. And, because of that (as well as because Anidala was p. much my first OTP ever, to the point where before I really knew fanfic was a Thing I wrote a really, really terrible serial-numbers-filed-off story that was basically Padme turning up at Yavin), it is really, really difficult for me to be sold on Obikin by itself, so to speak. It’s not a hard no for me, the way shipping Obi-Wan with Qui-Gon is, but it’s not really my thing.

That being said, romantic Obikin can work for me, assuming they reach some kind of new equilibrium post-ROTS (either without Anakin becoming Vader, or potentially some form of Sith!Obi-Wan AU, though I’m less interested in that without it being an Empress Amidala AU as well and then we’re back to an OT3 of some form). I wouldn’t write it pre- or mid-ROTS, though I don’t necessarily mind reading it, at least from certain authors. But basically, either via an Epiphany Moment or (more likely) a slow maturation process, these two (especially Anakin) need to get to a point where the power dynamic issue is softened for it to work for me. I think they can get to that point, and their relationship can shift in that direction (which I think is part of why Qui-Gon/Obi-Wan is a hard no for me, because I don’t think the two of them ever could). Anyway, the only NCAU [that I’ve talked about here, at least] I’d really do even post-ROTS Obikin (whether as an Anakin-focal vee or full-triad Obianidala) is Distaff, and that depends a lot on which way Obi-Wan’s plotline goes after the shit hits the fan (and even the option that could very well lead there might not). So that’s not a 100% thing right now, just a maybe. It’s not going to be a thing in Precipice. (I ship Obi-Wan with someone else in that AU, anyway.)

In addition to all of that, for an Anakin-centered vee or a true triad—I’m not sure I can articulate it properly, but there was a meta post/thread I was following a few days ago that I’m not sure I can find again that went into details about this—anyway, the dynamics involved with the three of them actually work really well? If I can dig up the link I’ll add it, but this thread basically boiled down to: Anakin and Obi-Wan (leaving aside the potential power dynamic issue) have major issues with communication; and Anakin and Padme have major issues with boundaries. Putting the three of them together helps mitigate that to a significant degree. Plus, y’know, I adore Anakin, really I do, but he is a lot to handle for one person/a single primary relationship, even one who loves him as much as Padme and/or Obi-Wan, so having both of them involved (and everyone communicating properly/laying down appropriate boundaries) really helps take some of that pressure off the two of them (and Anakin, but in a different way). (Related note: part of why Anakin is (relatively) stable in Precipice is because he has an increasingly wide set of close relationships/support system.)

Also, whether both relationships are romantic or not, Anakin really needs both Padme and Obi-Wan in his life in some way. So, like, for me personally, the ideal pipe-dream post-ROTS happy ending involves the three of them running off into the sunset together (so to speak; I think they would all get hopelessly bored trying to retire and that part would last all of five minutes), and exactly who is romantically and/or sexually (as opposed to platonically) involved with who (beyond, as I said, romantic Anidala being very close to my heart/important to me) matters a little less at that point. (That aspect, I think, is probably related to this whole ‘romantic love is not greater than platonic love’ button I have.)

Buuuuuut that’s all in canon/NCAUs. Like I said before, once we set an earlier/more significant breakpoint, it’s a different story. I am specifically aiming for (probably) a true triad Obianidala (though it might end up being a vee) in Auxiliaries, (not sure if the notes on last night’s update may have sparked your question?) but that AU breaks off much earlier, as of TPM, and Anakin doesn’t actually end up in the Temple to be raised by Obi-Wan, so that issue isn’t there. At which point it’s…like, okay, I’ll be honest, I used to have issues with Obikin not necessarily because of the power dynamic, but because it hit my aforementioned ‘platonic love is JUST AS VALID/IMPORTANT/POWERFUL as romantic love’ button pretty hard. Right now, though, my view on the subject has sort of settled as–the two of them are so tangled up with each other (again, soulmates of some flavor) that I don’t particularly care about romantic vs. platonic where they’re concerned for that particular reason. Past a certain point of character/relationship development, anyway, as mentioned above.

So, in an AU like Auxiliaries (where Anakin grows up on Tatooine, meets Obi-Wan once briefly in his early teens, and then they reconnect early in the Clone Wars when they’re both adults), it would probably take a lot of effort to make their relationship not become romantic and/or sexual at some point. (Related note that I don’t think I’ve mentioned before: Anakin tends to read, to me, as very demi and biromantic; that probably contributes to some of my views here). And, you know, the OT3 in that AU might well start with Obi-Wan and Padme sort of dancing around one another in some way, whether they’ve had their requisite Mutual Near Death Experience yet or not, and then Anakin meshes with both of them and things just sort of go from there, though I haven’t made up my mind on that yet.

(Also, an AU where Anakin didn’t end up in the Temple but TPM otherwise went as in canon, he’d probably grow up on Naboo and, despite still being largely an Anidala shipper at heart, the romantic-vs-platonic dynamic between these two relationships would do a total 180 for me. I probably wouldn’t actually write an AU like that for a number of reasons, but…anyway. Figured it bore mentioning.)

…so that was a 2k+ ramble about PT OT3 dynamics, lol. Most of this will probably never actually make it to the foreground of anything I write, tbh. Because whatever I feel about these character dynamics aside…the fact is most of what I write tends to not be shipping fic, precisely. As in, (like I mentioned before) I don’t really like writing courtship narratives/stories where the romantic pairing and their relationship is The Plot. Distaff is really the closest I come to it. Which is not to say that these romantic and/or platonic relationships aren’t super important, just…it’s probably never going to be a real focus for me. Well, portions of Auxiliaries will, for spoilery reasons, and I might to a Valentine’s Day bonus fic or something, but other than that.

I have no idea if I actually answered your question XD Uh, feel free to follow up? Or give me your thoughts, or ask me something unrelated…

#asked #answered #edftwinry #shadowsong writes star wars #shadowsong26fic

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scifrey · 7 years

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Improbable Press put out a call asking fan fiction authors how they went from Free to Fee. Here’s my response. Happy reading!

The Story of How I Started Selling Stories

My parents, teachers, and acting/singing coaches will all tell you that I've always been a story teller. For the first twenty four years of my life, I was determined to do so through musical theatre, though I had always secretly harbored the desire to write a hit stage play. My early writing consisted of plays for my friends and I to put on, interspersed with prose that I supposed would one day become a novel, but which wasn't my passion.

I was a big reader, but where this habit came from, I'm not certain. While my mother always had a book on the go - whatever crumbling paperback law thriller or murder mystery she'd been handed by the woman down the street when she was done it, which was then passed on to the next neighbor - my father and brothers preferred sports (either on TV or outside in the yard) over reading. I stumbled into fantasy and science fiction because Wil Wheaton was hot, and his show was on every Friday night, and from there I consumed every Star Trek tie-in novel my tiny rural library carried, then started following the authors of the novels into their other worlds and series.

So you won't be surprised to learn that this was how I found fan fiction for the first time. My "I love this, gee, I wonder what else there is?" muscle was well developed by junior high, and before the internet had come to The Middle Of Nowhere Rural Ontario, I had already gotten quite adept at search keywords and codexes to track down more books to consume. Imagine my shock and joy when, in the middle of my Phantom of the Opera phase (come on, fess up, you had one too), the internet in my school library told me about not only Fredrick Forsyth and Susan Kay's stunning re-tellings, but of something called fan fiction.

I wasted a lot of the librarian's ink and paper printing out these books and secreting them into binders and pretending to do school work at my desk or backstage between scenes. A lot. And yes, I still have most of them.

And as we all well know, the jump between reading and writing is a short when one is submerged so fully in communities of creators. Everyone else's "What If" rubs off on you, and it's just a matter of time before you find yourself playing with the idea of coaxing a few plot bunnies over to spend some time with you. Not everyone loves to write, but gosh darn it, if you want to give it a try, then you couldn't ask for a better, more supportive community. It doesn't matter how new you are to it, everyone reads, everyone comments, everyone makes suggestions. People beta read. People edit. People co-write. People cheer, and support, and recommend, and enthuse. Yeah, there are the occasional jerks, flammers, and wank-mongers, but on the whole? There's literally no better place to learn how to be a writer than in fandom, I firmly believe this.

So, of course, born storyteller that I am, I had to give it a try.

I started writing fan fiction in 1991 for a small, relatively obscure Canadian/Luxembourg co-pro children’s show called Dracula: the Series. I used to get up and watch it on Saturday mornings, in my PJs, before heading off to whichever rehearsal or read through or practice I had that year.

1995 brought the English dub of Sailor Moon to my life, (and put me on the path to voice acting), and along with a high-school friend, I wrote, printed out, illustrated, and bound my first “book” – a self-insert story that was just over eleven pages long, which introduced new Scouts based on us. From there, I didn’t really stop.

1996 led me to Forever Knight and Dragon Ball Z, and from there to my friend’s basement where they’d just installed the internet. We chatted with strangers on ICQ, joined Yahoo!Groups and Bravenet Chat Boards. (Incidentally, a friend from my DBZ chat group turned out to be a huge DtS fan, too. We wrote a big crossover together which is probably only accessible on the Wayback Machine now. We stayed friends, helped each other through this writing thing, and now she’s Ruthanne Reid, author of the popular Among the Mythos series.) In 2000 I got a fanfiction.net account and never looked back.

In 2001, while in my first year of university for Dramatic Arts, I made my first Real Live fandom friends. We wrote epic-length self-insert fics in Harry Potter and Fushigi Yuugi, cosplayed at conventions (sometimes using the on-campus wardrobe department’s terrifyingly ancient serger), and made fan art and comics in our sketchbooks around studying for our finals and writing essays on critical theory or classical Latin. I was explaining the plot of the next big fic I was going to write to one of them, an older girl who had been my T.A. but loved Interview with the Vampire just as dearly as I, when she said, “You know, this sounds really interesting. Why don’t you strip all the fandom stuff out of the story and just write it as a novel?”

You can do that? was my first thought.

No! I don’t want to! Writing is my fun hobby. What will happen if I try to be a writer and get rejected by everyone and I end up hating it? was my second.

But the seed was planted. Slowly at first, and then at increasingly obsessive pace, I began writing my first novel around an undergrad thesis, fourth-year essays, several other big fanfics that popped me into the cusp of BNF status but never quite over the tine, and then a move to Japan to teach English. From 2002-2007 I wrote about 300 000 words on the novel that I would eventually shut away in my desk drawer and ignore until I published on Wattpad under my pseudonym on a lark. It was messy. It was long. It was self-indulgent and blatantly inspired by Master of Mosquiton, Interview with the Vampire, Forever Knight, and anything written by Tanya Huff, Laurell K. Hamilton, and Charlaine Harris. This was fine for fanfic, but in terms of being comfortable with presenting it to agents and publishing houses, I felt that it wasn’t original enough.

By this time I was teaching overseas, and in my spare time (and boy, was there a lot of spare time while sitting in a Japanese teacher’s office for 40 hours per week when one only actually teaches for 11 of them) I started applying to MA programs (where I eventually wrote my thesis on Mary Sue Fan Fiction). I also spent it researching “How to Get Published”, mostly by Googling it and/or buy/reading the few books on the topic in English I could find at the local book store or order from the just-then-gaining-international traction online bookstore Amazon.

What that research mostly told me was “Write and sell a bunch of short fiction first, so you have proof that a) you can do the work and b) you can finish what you promise you’ll finish and c) you have proof that other people think you’re worth spending money on.”

Short fiction. Huh. Of course we’d studied short stories in school, and I’d even taken a short story writing class in university, though nothing I’d written for the class was indicative of the kinds of stories I preferred to tell. But I felt pretty confident about this whole writing short stories thing… after all, I’d been doing weekly challenges for years. Drabbles. Flashfic. Stories and chapters that were limited to the word count cap that LiveJournal put on its posts. I’d written novellas without knowing that’s what they were called; I’d written whole novels about other people’s characters. All I needed was an idea. Short fiction I could do.

Unfortunately, everything that came to me was fanfic inspired. It frustrated me, because I didn’t want to write a serial-numbers-filed-off story. I wanted to write something original and epic and inspiring. Something just mine. I started and stopped a lot of stories in 2006-2007. I’d been doing NaNoWriMo for years by then, having been introduced to it in undergrad, and I was determined that this would be the year that I wrote something I could shop. Something just mine. Something unique.

While I adored fanfiction, I was convinced that I couldn't make a career on it. What had once been a fun hobby soon because a source of torment. Why could I think of a hundred ways to write a meet-cute between my favorite ships, but come up utterly blank when it came to something new and original and just mine?

It took me a while to realize that my playwriting and short story teachers had been correct when they said that there are no original stories in the world, no way you can tell a tale that someone else hasn’t already tried. The "Man vs." list exists for a reason.

The unique part isn’t your story, it’s your voice. Your lived life, your experiences, your way of forming images and structuring sentences. Your choices about who the narrator character is, and what the POV will be, and how the characters handle the conflict. In that way, every piece of writing ever done is individual and unique, even the fanfic. Because nobody is going to portray that character’s quirk or speech pattern quite like you do, nobody is going to structure your plot or your imagery like you. Because there is only one of you. Only one of me. Even if we're all writing fanfiction, no one's story sounds like anyone else's, or is told like anyone else's.

That is the reality of being a storyteller.

And strangely enough, the woman who opened my eyes to this was a psychic from a psychic fair I attended, who told me that Mark Twain was standing over her shoulder admonishing me to stop fretting and just get something on the page – but to never forget character. My strength, she said that he said, was in creating memorable, well written, well rounded characters. And that my book should focus on that above concerns of plot or pacing.

Well, okay. If Mark Twain says that’s what my strength is, then that’s what my strength is, right? Who am I to argue with the ghost of Mark Freaking Twain?

An accident with a bike and a car on a rice patty left me immobile for six weeks in 2006, and I decided that if I was finally going to write this original short story to sell – especially since I would need income, as the accident made it obvious that I would never be able to dance professionally, and probably would never be able to tread the boards in musicals – now was the perfect time. I was going to stop fighting my fannish training and write.

I cherry picked and combined my favorite aspects of Doctor Who, Stargate: Atlantis, Torchwood, The Farm Show/The Drawer Boy, and my own melancholy experiences with culture shock and liminal-living in a foreign culture, and wrote a novella titled (Back). It was a character study of a woman named Evvie who, through an accident of time travel, meets the future version of her infant daughter Gwen. And realizes she doesn’t like the woman her daughter will become. It was a story about accepting people for who they are, instead of who you wish they would be, and had a strong undercurrent of the turbulence I was going through in trying to figure out my own sexuality and that I wouldn't have the future in performance that I had been working toward since I was four.

Deciding that I would worry about where I would try to publish the story after it had been written, I sat down and wrote what ended up being (at least for me) a pretty standard-length fanfic: 18,762 words. It was only after I had finished the story that I looked up what category that put it in – Novella. Using paying reputable markets, like Duotrope, the Writer’s Digest, MSFV, Absolute Write, SFWA, my local Writer’s Union, Writer Beware, I realized that I had shot myself in the foot.

It seems like nearly nobody publishes novellas anymore. SF/F and Literary Fiction seem to be the last two bastions of the novella, and the competition to get one published is fierce. The markets that accepted SF/F novellas was vanishingly thin I had to do a lot of Googling and digging to figure out who I could submit to with an unagented/unsolicited SF/F novella. If I recall correctly, it was only about ten publications. I built an excel database and filled it with all the info I found.

I put together a query letter and sent it off using my database to guide me. Most of the rejections were kind, and said that the story was good, just too long/too short/ too sci-fi-y/not sci-fi-y enough. Only one market offered on it – for $10 USD. Beggers couldn’t be choosers, even if I had hoped to make a little more than ten bucks, and I accepted.

It was a paid professional publication, and that’s what mattered to me. I had the first entry on my bibliography, and something to point to in my query letters to prove that I was a worthy investment for a publisher/agent.

And energized by this, and now aware that length really does matter, even in online-only publications, I started writing other shorts to pad out my bibliography more.

I tried to tailor these ones to what my research told me the "mainstream industry" and "mainstream audiences" wanted, and those stories? Those were shot down one after the other. I was still writing fanfiction at the time, too, and those stories were doing well, getting lots of positive feedback, so why weren’t my stories?

In 2007 I returned to Canada and Academia, frustrated by my lack of sales, desperate to kick off my publishing career, and feeling a creative void left by having to depart theatre because of my new difficulties walking. I wrote my MA, and decided that if (Back) was the only original story that people liked, then I’d try to expand it into a novel.

Over the course of two years I did my coursework, and read everything there was to read about how to get a book deal, started hanging out in writer’s/author’s groups in Toronto and met some great people who were willing to guide me, and expanded (Back) into the novel Triptych. I kept reminding myself what Mark Twain said – character was my strength, the ability to make the kind of people that other writers wanted to write stories about, a skill I’d honed while writing fanfic. Because that's what we do, isn't it? Sure, we write fix-its and AUs and fusions and finish cancelled shows, and fill in missing scenes, but what we're all really doing is playing with characters, isn't it? Characters draw us to fanfic, and characters keep us there. Characters is what we specialize in.

Fanfic had taught me to work with a beta reader, so I started asking my fic betas if they'd like a go at my original novel. Fellow fanfic writers, can I just say how valuable editors and beta readers in the community are? These are people who do something that I've paid a professional editor thousands of dollars to do for free out of sheer love. Treasure your beta readers, folks. Really.

“It reminds me a lot of fan fiction,” one reader said. “The intense attention to character and their inner life, and the way that the worldbuilding isn’t dumped but sprinkled in an instance at a time, like, you know, a really good AU. I love it.”

Dear Lord. I couldn’t have written a better recommendation or a more flattering description if I’d tried. Mark Twain was right, it seems. And fanfic was the training ground, for me – my apprenticeship in storytelling.

Of course... what Mr. Twain hadn't explained is that character-study novels just don't sell in SF/F. They say Harry Potter was rejected twelve times? HA. I shopped Triptych to both agents and small presses who didn't require you to have an agent to publish with them, and I got 64 rejections. Take that, J.K.

At first the rejection letters were forms and photocopied "no thanks" slips. But every time I got feedback from a publisher or agent, I took it to heart, adjusted the manuscript, edited, tweaked, tweaked, tweaked. Eventually, the rejections started to get more personal. "I loved this character, but I don't know how to sell this book." And "I really enjoyed the read, but it doesn't really fit the rest of our catalogue." And "What if you rewrote the novel to be about the action event that happens before the book even starts, instead of focusing solely on the emotional aftermath?"

In other words - "Stop writing fanfiction." There seemed to be a huge disconnect between what the readership wanted and what the publishing world thought they wanted.

Disheartened, frustrated, and wondering if I was going to have to give up on my dreams of being a professional creative, I attended Ad Astra, a convention in Toronto, in 2009. At a room party, complaining to my author friends that "nobody wanted my gay alien threesome book!" a woman I didn't know asked me about the novel. We chatted, and it turned out she was the acquisitions editor for Dragon Moon Press, and incidentally, also a fan of fan fiction.

I sent her Triptych. She rejected it. I asked why. She gave me a laundry list of reasons. I said, "If I can address these issues and rewrite it, would you be willing to look at it again?" She said yes. She was certain, however, that I wouldn't be able to fix it. I spent the summer rewriting - while making sure to stay true to my original tone of the novel, and writing a character-study fanfiction. I sent it in the fall. I do believe it was Christmas eve when I received the offer of publication.

From there, my little fic-inspired novel was nominated for two Lambda Literary Awards and a CBC Bookie, was named one of the best books of 2011 by the Advocate, and garnered a starred review and a place on the Best Books Of The Year at Publishers Weekly.

The award nominations led me to an agent, and further contracts, and even conversations with studio execs. It also made me the target of Requires Only That You Hate, and other cranky, horrible reviewers. But you know what? I've had worse on a forum, and on ff.n, and LJ. It sucked, and it hurt, but if there's one thing fandom has taught me, it's that not everyone is going to love what you do, and not everyone interprets things the same way you do. The only thing we can do is learn from the critique if it's valid and thoughtful, and ignore the screaming hate and bullying. Then you pick yourself up, brush yourself off, and go write something else.

Because a screaming hater? Is not going to ruin my love of storytelling.

But for all that... the day someone made me fan art based on Triptych is one etched in my memory. It means far more to me than any of the emails I ever received inquiring about representation or film rights, or wanting meetings to discuss series.

The lesson I learned from publishing Triptych - now sadly out of print, but we're looking for a new home for it - is that if I chase what the "mainstream" and the "industry" want, I'll never write anything that sells because my heart won't be in it. I have to keep writing like a fanficcer, even if I'm not writing fanfic, if I want to create something that resonates with people. And if it takes time for the publishers and acquiring editors to figure out what I'm doing, and how to sell it, then fine - I have an agent on my side now, and a small growing number of supporters, readers, and editors who love what I do.

Do I still write fanfic? Very, very rarely. I’ve had some pretty demanding contracts and deadlines in the last two years, so I’ve had to pare down my writing to only what’s needed to fulfill my obligations. Doesn’t mean I don’t have ideas for fics constantly.

Sometimes the urge is powerful enough that I do give into it – I wrote To A Stranger, based on Mad Lori’s Performance in a Leading Role Sherlock AU recently, when I should have been writing the second and third novels of The Accidental Turn Series. And even more recently, I cleaned up To A Stranger into something resembling a real screenplay and started shopping it around to film festivals and producers because I love this story, I love what I did with it, and I’m proud of the work. If To A Stranger is only ever a fanfic, that’s fine with me. I poured my heart into it and am so proud of it. But I figure that if there’s one more project I could possibly get into the real world, then why not go for it?

The worst thing the festival heads and producers can say about the work is: “No, thank you.” And being an online writer has taught me not to take the “no, thank you”s personally. Applying the values of Don’t Like Don’t Read or Not My Kink to your publication/agent search makes it much easier to handle the rejections – not every story is for every person.

Maybe once every producer in North America has rejected it, I might think about working with someone to adapt the screenplay into an illustrated comic fanbook? Who knows?

That’s the joy of starting out as a writer in fandom – felixibility, adaptability, creative problem-solving and cross-platform storytelling comes as naturally as breathing to us fan writers. It’s what we do.

You may not think that this is a strength, but trust me, it is. I was never so shocked at an author’s meetup as when I suggested to someone that their “writer’s block” sounded to me like they were telling the story in the wrong format. “I think this is a comic, not a novel,” I’d said. “It sounds so visual. That's why the story is resisting you.” And they stared at me like I suddenly had an extra head and said, “But I’m a novelist.” I said, “No, you’re a writer. Try it.” They never did, as far as I know, and they never finished that book, either.

As fans, our strength isn't just in what we write, or how we come to our stories. It’s also about the physical practice of writing, too. We’re a group of people who have learned to carry notebooks, squeeze in a few hundred words between classes, or when the baby is napping, or during our lunch breaks, or on commute home. This is our hobby, we fit it in around our lives and jobs, and that has taught us the importance of just making time.

We are, on average, more dedicated and constant writers than some of the “novelists” that I’ve met: the folks who wait for inspiration to strike, who quit their day jobs in pursuit of some lofty ideal of having an office and drinking whiskey and walking the quay and waiting for madam muse to grace them, who throw themselves at MFAs and writing retreats, as if it's the attendance that makes them writers and not the work of it.

We fans are career writers. We don’t wait for inspiration to come to us, we chase it down with a butterfly net. We write when and where we can. More than that, we finish things. (Or we have the good sense to know when to abandon something that isn’t working.) We write to deadlines. Self-imposed ones, even.

We write 5k on a weekend for fun, and think NaNoWriMo’s 50k goal and 1667 words per day are a walk in the park. (When I know it terrifies some of the best-selling published authors I hang out with.) Or if we fans don’t write fast, then we know that slow and steady works too, and we’re willing to stick it out until our story is finished, even if it takes years of weekly updates to do so. We have patience, and perseverance, and passion.

This is what being a fanfiction writer has given me. Not only a career as a writer, but tools and a skill-set to write work that other people think is work awarding, adapting, and promoting. And the courage to stick to my guns when it comes to telling the kinds of stories that I want to tell.

This is what being a fanfiction writer gives us.

Aren’t we lucky, fellow fans? Hasn’t our training been spectacular?

J.M. (@scifrey) is a SF/F author, and professional smartypants on AMI Audio’s Live From Studio 5. She’s appeared in podcasts, documentaries, and on television to discuss all things geeky through the lens of academia. Her debut novel TRIPTYCH was nominated for two Lambda Literary Awards, nominated for a 2011 CBC Bookie, was named one of The Advocate’s Best Overlooked Books of 2011, and garnered both a starred review and a place among the Best Books of 2011 from Publishers Weekly. Her sophomore novel, an epic-length feminist meta-fantasy THE UNTOLD TALE (Accidental Turn Series #1), debuted to acclaim in 2015 and was followed by THE FORGOTTEN TALE (Accidental Turn Series #2) this past December. FF.N | LJ |AO3| Books | Tumblr

#Improbable Press #Fan Fiction #fanfiction #triptych #j.m. frey #the accidental turn series #free to fee #words for writers

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