#it got away from me i fear

[ickypuppi3]

billy’s mom waking him up while it’s still dark, whispering even though neil’s working the night shift. it’s a couple days before his tenth birthday and she’s telling him they’re going to have their very own adventure, just like the ones in billy’s books. she grabs an already packed suitcase from under billy’s bed and kisses him on the nose, tells him to get dressed quick. the two of them leave in an old beat up yellow bug that she managed to get for a third of the asking price and keep parked around the corner until now. they stay with friends and jump from place to place so neil can’t track them down. billy gets used to surfing couches and staying in motels.

he spends his tenth birthday in a diner, his mom gets him a big stack of pancakes and a milkshake with extra cherries. gets a candle out her pocket along with her silver lighter. sings happy birthday and pulls a face when the waitress frowns at them, just to make billy laugh. she sips at her coffee while billy tucks in. smiles when he holds some out with a “c’mon mama, share with me.”

billy thinks it’s neat. thinks it’s the best birthday he’s ever had.

they eventually end up with a place in california, a little bungalow near the coast and billy grows up with his mom. billy gets pretty shirts from the thrift store ‘cause his mama lets him do stuff like that. doesn’t call him a queer, doesn’t force a baseball bat into his hands whilst yelling at him for crying, for being a pussy. his mom lets him read and keep a journal and press flowers between the pages of the neverending story, she plays hendrix and dusty springfield and laughs when billy comes home from his friends’ house with his first piercing at thirteen. she doesn’t tear down his posters or yell when she finds him using her eyeliner.

and everything’s perfect. sort of.

they have bad days- billy’s mom has bad days. billy calls them gray days ‘cause that’s how the world looks when she’s like this. all her color gone. no singing-dancing in the kitchen or baking five different kinds of cake because she couldn’t decide which one was best, no last minute trips to the beach or sitting outside at night and telling billy about the stars. instead she’ll stay in bed, won’t go to work. she’ll stare at the wall blankly and look right through billy when he tries to talk to her. she won’t take the pills the doc gave her and billy doesn’t know what to do. never knows what to do. just chews at his lip until it bleeds, bites at his thumb until it’s red raw. he’ll get in the bed with her. lay beside her and just talk like she used to do with him when he had a nightmare. hum a song to her.

billy’s still pissed at the world just slightly less so. still has that anger and anxiousness simmering just below the surface and shows his teeth when cornered. he’s still hardened in a way that a kid shouldn’t be but. it’s different. there’s no neil. the only bloody noses he gets are at school, when he fights with the kids who call him a fag and a fairy, call his mom a basket case. he uses fists when they laugh and ask if she’s all there with a finger pointing at their heads, ask if billy will “catch the crazy.”

those are billy’s bad days. sitting in the principals office, icing his knuckles.

when he’s fifteen, billy manages to bag a job at the local auto repair by turning up every day and telling howie how good he’d be, that he knows cars and it’s all he wants to do and please please please. eyebrows pulled together, eyes puppy dog wide and hands clasped in front of him until howie grumbles, throws an oily rag at billy. says fine but billy’s gotta pay for anything he damages. someone brings in a chevy camaro and billy asks howie to let him help fix it up. does the begging again until howie laughs. says get a hold of yourself, kid, voice fond as he ruffles billy’s hair.

billy’s four months away from turning seventeen when the doorbell goes. he’s eating a sandwich and watching knight rider. he’s wearing the necklace his mom got him for his last birthday and- he answers the door. doesn’t think twice. freezes when he sees neil standing there. he looks different. hair a little shorter and more wrinkles. where billy’s gained weight, gained muscle, neil’s lost it. his eyes are a little sunken and he’s still got his wedding band on. he reeks of booze. billy has to remind himself to speak, just says “yeah?” his voice comes out small and neil smiles at him. smiles and billy feels this weird twist in his stomach ‘cause .. that’s his dad and he hasn’t seen him in years and it twists and twists and-

turns out. not much has changed. billy realises a little too late that neil will always be neil. they run again. have to leave everything behind. billy doesn’t get to say bye to his friends, to howie, to the car. they leave a lot of stuff behind and head in any direction away from neil. they both try to keep the mood light, take turns driving and play the tapes billy grabbed. they end up in indiana- hawkins. they stay at a motel until billy’s mom finds a place for dirt cheap. it has two bedrooms and a dingy bathroom, a living room slash kitchen and one hell of a damp problem. it’s dirt cheap for a reason.

it’s above a shop in town and- it’s fine. their landlord is an asshole but they’re together and they’ve got a roof over their heads. billy’s enrolled at hawkins high and his mom gets a job at the laundromat. he tells her that he doesn’t need to go to school, that he could just work and help pay the bills but his mom won’t have any of it. says that she wishes she had finished school and that billy’s too clever to waste it. that he has potential.

billy knows the reason she dropped out of school was because she had him. he just nods, rests his head on her shoulder.

it’s billy’s first day at school and his mom drives him to make sure he actually goes. he gets out the car and tries to shake the nerves off. straightens up and puts on his act. plasters a fake smile on his face and it’s working, he’s got most of the girls swooning and the boys at least seem curious. billy looks around and his eyes land on a guy leaning up against a bmw. his hair’s coiffed to high heaven and he’s wearing a polo, preppy as fuck but- pretty. it’s one of the first things billy realises about him, all doe eyes and moles dotted just about everywhere. he’s got a smirk on his face. not aimed at billy but the guy beside him.

pretty-boy walks over to him and billy raises an eyebrow, plays it cool. he introduces himself as steve and billy gets the idea that he’s top dog at hawkins high, is immediately proved right when they step into the building. king steve, freckles calls him. billy laughs- catches steve looking at him when he does and feels his face get hot. steve just smiles wider, calls billy california and tells him to sit with them at lunch. billy tries to ignore the way steve’s smile makes him feel like the rug’s been pulled out from under his feet.

he nods and steve grins. tugs at one of billy’s curls.

says “i think you’re gonna like it here, california.”

#it got away from me i fear #billy has to live somewhere else at the start and then they move to california i don’t care he needs to be there with his mom for the #majority of the time he just has to #he Is california ! what else am i supposed to do here he needs it #makes hawkins that much worse #he’s best friends with argyle but he doesn’t get to say bye ! #billy’s first kiss is with a girl but the second the one he counts is with a boy and his mama knows he’s gay also #probably argyle if we’re being real #my words #billy hargrove #billy’s mom #harringrove #cw slurs #cw mental illness #spinning in circles i just need mamas boy billy and king steve so bad #mamas boy billy & king steve

[snezfics-n-shit]

#this meme has been going through my head for a bazillion years lol #i love to interact and then it hits me that im probably bothering you guys #plus the current popular stuff I am sadly so unfamiliar with #when i was younger i would gravitate to my own interests when i was unfamiliar with other topics and it got on peoples nerves a lot #and i completely understand that so i dont wanna repeat those mistakes #its just like a game of pingpong of me talking too much and me hiding under my desk bc i feel like im bothering everyone #also like the last time it was p much confirmed i was being annoying i cried for like two hours bc my fears were realized haha #and when a line is drawn for me i kinda like to stay at least 2ft away from wherever that line is just to be safe #you gotta like throw a cookie attached to a fishing line to get me closer to the line lol #because i will seriously be way too cautious otherwise #im trying to get more brave though im just kinda like my cat who heard a noise in the bathroom cabinet #and now he refuses to go near it #being mindful of others feelings and respecting their boundaries is super important to me #and sometimes that boxes me in a bit

[c0mbatchameleon]

hi anna my love would you mind telling us what the possession au is about 🥺🤲🏼💗

LUNEEE ABSOLUTELY ABSOFRUITLY I CAN.

Ok so the tldr here is James is a demon that possesses reg. This all came from a drunk 3am note in my phone about the “intimacy of literally inhabiting the same body, to become a singular noun; my thoughts are yours now, you don’t even know where you end and I begin, your soul would feel so empty without me here to fill in all the gaps” etc etc. Right ok. Long ramblings below, be warned.

So picture regulus, our resident high-strung control freak who has lived as a puppet on a string at the whims of his family ever since he was a teenager and they began staging him to join / eventually take over their major capitalist conglomerate empire or whatever. Iffy on the details still but there’s a lot of politics involved. Think like the richest of the rich in the world and they want to keep their family on the top—regulus is their vessel to do so.

And the thing is, he goes above and beyond. He gave up on trying to escape the life he’s been (to him) imprisoned in a long time ago, and his (perceived) lack of control and agency has only driven him to climb higher, hungry for even more disgusting amounts of wealth and power, fuck everyone else, he wants to be at the fucking top, and maybe then he’ll be free. He’s terrible and he’s miserable and he’s everything they wanted him to be, he feels like a slave to time and to the life that was carved out for him, and it manifests in him exerting extreme amounts of control over the one thing he can have some semblance of control over, which is his own body.

(slight tw for disordered / obsessive eating / body habits?)

Picture him scheduling his days down to the minute. He wakes up at 5:30am everyday after getting the exact amount of sleep to complete five rem cycles, he has a strict workout regimen every day perfectly planned out for the week, meals all the same mapped out down to the calorie. You’d think he’s in the army. His skincare routine puts patrick bateman to shame. He jerks off once a week cuz he thinks it has health benefits or keeps him sharp or something (if you’ve watched The End of the Fucking World I’m pretty sure this is where my brain subconsciously picked this from) and it’s mechanical and he’s dead in the eyes and he knows it will take him exactly 5 minutes and 8 seconds to come.

And then. Suddenly. He’s having weird dreams about some man he doesn’t know and they’re making him feel things when he has specifically trained his body to NOT feel things and what’s happening to him? And then dreams become daydreams. And then he’s losing time. HES LOSING TIME. Which is literally his worst nightmare. It’s making him fuckinf spiral, his routines are being thrown off, the small semblance of control is slipping, so he’s already at his wits fucking end when a goddamn voice in his head starts talking to him. Like that’ll do it.

But then the voice, the man, the figure from his dreams, James, is telling him to relax. Telling him you’re so wound up. I can feel it, you know? How tired you are. It’s okay baby, let me take the reins for the day. You just have to sit back up in that head of yours—of ours—and let it all turn to static for a bit. Don’t worry. I’ll give you your body back tonight. Don’t you trust me? Wouldn’t it feel good to just.. let go for a bit?

And eventually regulus discovers that it DOES feel good. He fucking loves it. He gives up control willingly for the first time, he lets James do it all for him, to move him around like a puppet in the most literal sense but it’s different from his family, from everyone else. It’s freeing.

and it’s like this weird corruption-anticorruption thing because yes james is influencing him and planting thoughts in his head and literally taking over his body at points but it’s all to make him do…kinda good things? “Fuck the company, don’t show up today, let’s go to the coast like you used to as a kid,” “don’t pick up the phone, I know you’ve never declined your mother’s call before, but just try. Don’t you feel powerful?” Until eventually reg is sabotaging the company, his family, he’s basically suicide-bombing the stock market, he’s giving all his money away, etc etc. he’s more free than he’s ever felt in his life and to the outside world he looks absolutely insane and, shit, maybe he is, but it feels fucking amazing.

I just love the thought of James’ more mundane influence on him too. He’s craving hot Cheetos for the first time in his life and absolutely appalled and confused and James is like “shit my bad I was thinking abt them.” James has him smoke weed for the first time (the scene I have planned for this……) and he has to take over to roll the joint for him. Why the fuck is reg enjoying abba music? But also—why the fuck is a demon enjoying abba music?

I’ve rambled way too much so I’ll reign it in there. Lots of details subject to change, but this is basically all I’m thinking abt these days.

#lovely lovely lune thank you for indulging me #I fear this response got away from me. forgive me—I’ve been possessed once again #fic / possession au #lune tag #mail #jegulus #jegulus fic #regulus black #james potter

[terracyte]

🌙 or ❤️ + megumi perhaps 👉👈

he ended up bringing the donuts to yuji <3

#this kinda got away from me #hope u dont mind grace kjdshak #i wil be trying to keep the next few ones short so dont fear!! #but ahh yeah hes a pining boi he sees itadori everywhere and i think hes great for that #also v glad i chose a limited color palette anything else woulda been wack #terra art #fushiguro megumi #itadori yuji #itafushi #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #really fighting for my life w this one- megumis hair AND straight lines???? IMPOSSIBLE

[thermodynamic-comedian]

the magnus protocol arg is the scariest fucking thing to me. and i am so glad that it is. like i stopped finding tma and tmagp that scary once i hypefixated on them (autism overpowers fear, this too is tma lore etc etc) but the arg? what the hell man !!! i am shaking in my cowboy boots, consider me spooked!!!!!

#UUAAGHHH GET AWAY FROM ME !!! (pleas dont i am so excited) #the extinction my beloved my biggest fear that never got properly explored in tma...come to me my terrifying love... #manifesting many horrors #tmagp #tmagp arg #the magnus protocol

[dailypav]

Pav digging straight down in Minecraft

Drawing Pav every day until he's playable: Day 84

aw fuck

#fear and hunger termina #fear and hunger #fear and hunger pav #pav fear and hunger #pavel yudin #funger termina #daily pav #i wanted to draw something slightly more elaborate today but the time got away from me oops

[porlovistoeinmasochist]

+

#renfield #renfield 2023 #onion headlines + 1 tumblr quote #part 1 I fear since so many onion headlines are perfect #specially the god headlines #Who is experiencing way too much joy in screenshots of this undead moron? Me #this got away from me the possibilities are unlimited #long post

[i-am-not-a-who-i-am-a-what]

can i just say for the record that i'm grateful the sfx of protocol is leaning heavily into the computer aspect and not the elements of the statements themselves bc if we were getting the in situ sfx treatment like we had in s5 of archives i would have flung my computer across the room listening to this episode

#tmagp #tmagp spoilers #the magnus protocol #tmagp 3 spoilers #only just got the chance to finish listening about half an hour ago as i had a busy away from my laptop day #and i shall be stocking my queue as per usual tomorrow #but y'know that post i made last week about forgetting how much statements could scare me??? i have been Reminded #for the record being eaten by bugs post death is one of my absolute greatest fears and is the key reason i want to be cremated when i die #it was bad enough hearing alex narrate it i do not need to hear it as well and i am thankful that i did not

[itspileofgoodthings]

all the lyrics across Taylor’s past 5 albums about how she hopes she doesn’t lose him (hopes he doesn’t leave, hopes it never ends) only to arrive at her saying “you’re losing me.”

#the moment where it shifts in any relationship #where it goes from this fear of losing something to realizing that the loss is inevitable beCAUSE a person doesn’t want you #like. in a way her fears didn’t come true. because she didn’t do the losing. #it’s not like she had perfect happiness and it was just suddenly ripped away. it can’t be that no matter what people say #which was the fear #the absolute strangled fear in Cornelia street #because the coldness was there first and the distance and the apathy. and then it’s not about being left and feeling rejected #it’s about seeing the truth and saying oh. you’re losing ME. Because you don’t WANT this #idk if this makes sense but it is such a real life distinction to me #the difference between fears and reality #and of course that doesn’t mean it isn’t also a loss and a blow (a huge one) for her too #but it’s still not I wake up screaming from dreaming one day I’ll watch as you’re leaving #cause you got tired of my scheming #where the burden rests on her for the loss. as in the failure was innately in her #because you’re losing me still has ‘don’t read the last page cause I stay’ written on all over it #but then it’s seeing clearly too—you don’t want this enough to stay #this Probably makes no sense #it’s just exactly how heartbreak happens in real times which is. Yeah exactly what’s happening #the whole thing makes me so sad

[tiredguyswag]

wait so what do you mean i have more than 300 followers now

#WHERE ARE YOU PEOPLE COMING FROM #(i am aware i had 500 or so before deactivation. HOWEVER i do fear that the blessing of obscurity i got now may be getting away from me) #anyways. i only post about childrens cartoons and indian politics. and by posting about indian politics i mean i say “modi kys” all the tim

[bitchyblkqueer]

flash 2023 issue 6 thoughts

opening on wallylinda.... prayers answered. i love how si spurrier writes and i love the family dynamics he's created.

like YES he gets it!! and our good friend eo is finally back! he's always a good time (for me as a reader)

i am fascinated by horror based on the covid19 lockdowns. the month and a half that people really had to stay inside. and the idea that a year of your life was lost. i completely disagree. and it looks like spurrier feels the same (corona contrarium) but we'll have to wait and see. i could be projecting.

there's this quote that i cant find that goes something like, "just because the time didn't pass how i wanted it to doesn't mean it didn't pass at all." it's important to think about who we're talking about when we frame the lockdown as "the stolen year." it's very entitled. and it's always confused me. i think it's the idea that something was taken from you when tomorrow is never promised.

and the overwhelming fear that was prevalent in society during that time period is still here. it's just being channeled into other things. and i have to make it clear that we're still in a pandemic and it's the worst it's ever been. TB and measles outbreak on top of new covid strains??? what are we doing?? and no one wants to mask.

i would love to talk to spurrier about this. he's not American and different countries handled lockdowns very differently. anyway back to the comic.

ghosts are scientific but there are enough tangents in this post. in retrospect barry has been acting pretty thawne-like the entire time. but i also feel like his worst traits (isolation, possessiveness/jealousy, cattiness, pride) were getting amplified.

oh my?? i feel like this is something barry might feel but would never say, especially not like this.

im getting deja vu and i hope wally is too...

building on the iconic scene from the return of barry allen, and upping the ante so now barry physically harms wally instead of just abandoning him. can we take a moment to appreciate a writer who has read the works of previous authors. it shouldn't be so rare but here we are.

im disappointed that the stillness seem to be a hoax set up by thawne. i was digging the whole cosmic higher power thing. that's all for now ummmmmm 5 stars

#this got away from me i fear #i should just start up my newsletter again #this being the thing that gets me back into journalism #also lets get linda into therapy STAT #so much metaphysical phenomenon is backed by science but the scientists dont wanna acknowledge that #this is my favorite ongoing #live love wallylinda #aiyonna reads comics #i love sassy barry #wally west #linda park #barry allen #panel posting #jai west

[neotaissong]

Via @fanoniscanon @our.moral.imperative

#accusing internet weasels ignorant strays and twitter fingers of anti blackness is one thing.... #but bisan and motaz?!?!? #some of the ig personalities in the diaspora #yes #I’ve seen it for sure and saw it evolve once SA entered the chat with the ICJ... #but to accuse those being eradicated those who we’ve parasocial'd and celebrated and channeled our own fear powerlessness and #inaction thru #that’s a madness #fanoniscanon spits 💯 real talk its difficult to hear but TRUE as my grandmoma says the truth hurts #and that’s not to take away from the anti blackness that I’ve witnessed amongst others - viewing the real time genocide #but genocide is genocide and right is right and that is at the forefront of everything for me and we should be doing more #I was saying this morning I wanna come off apps and take a break due to anti blackness i was witnessing and this post brought me back #i hate the internet but i realised it was bringing back stuff from my first girlfriend first love #she was lebanese jordanian and there was much #antiblackness hovering on the edges of my experience not from her or her fam but the wider community an it still irks me just as it hurts t #think on the hate she got from my community...so yeah #its triggering but love is love is love and i thank god for meeting her #and her educating me on palestine and speaking the fire of first love and seeds of what resistance can be #but going back to this post #fanon is right we are children of the empire and i dont believe motaz or bisan are antiblack #and i do believe we have used them in the same way we use each other on these apps and i know its wrong and i know i have to do better #spreading awareness #protesting etc -- i do not require perfect victims and i also believe oppressed people have the right to resistance #i pray for the liberation of palestine everyday and i pray for those doing everything in their power to attain that liberation #cos theyre not gonna get it thru us attached to our phones but us working together #collectively #us calling out the ops and racists zionists and sexists and actually putting in work that can change something and us also pouring into #our own communities like i really need to doubledown on reading about sudan and congo and use my skillset to educate and liberate #thats something i need to do as i finish my projects #but yeah long story short - we need to check ourselves and our privilege and our parasocial vibes and check anti blackness but not

[dimonds456]

okay not enough people are talking about this. To everyone that has survived this long, either taking pills, fully healed from, or currently suffering through hyperthyroidism undiagnosed is a fucking hero.

Hyperthyroidism (and it's sister hypothyroidism, which I know less about) is fucking awful.

Your metabolism is completely thrown off. Your heart constantly races. For me, it was at a resting rate of 160 BPM at one point. When running, it was 220. That's enough to give you a heart attack.

Your balance is constantly off, you fall over and wobble nonstop. You physically cannot walk a straight line. In extreme cases, looking up can make you fall over. Yes, looking up could knock you over.

Your eyes stick out of your head uncomfortably so. The muscle behind them swells up, making them stick out. In extreme cases, people have needed to get eye patches, or, for those unlucky, the eyes do come out completely.

Your own fucking throat is attacking you. Like I said, I know less about hypothyroidism, but hyperthyroidism is what happens when your thyroid, located in the front of your neck, goes ballistic. It's incurable naturally and can only be treated with pills.

It's not "clumsiness." It's not being "sensitive." It's a fucking disease that goes after 40% of AFAB people. THAT'S A HUGE CHUNK OF PEOPLE.

My dad got it, too, so it's not just them, either.

Some people have to take pills forever. The lucky ones heal. For some, only radiation can finally kill it before it kills them.

If you're suffering from hyperthyroidism (or it's sister), I am so fucking sorry. My heart goes out to you.

Reblog to let hyperthyroid victims know you see them. You care. You want them to get better. I love each and every one of you.

I hope we will one day heal, in one way or another.

#hyperthyroidism #hypothyroidism #grave's disease #thyroid #disabled #actually disabled #dimond speaks #okay time to get personal #i had it for 6 months before getting diagnosed #my parents ignored me until i looked up to put away a plate in the kitchen and fell over one day #my doctor came in the room and knew instantly what it was because my eyes were so huge #i've been medicated for years and it's still horrible to deal with #i'm still in fear that i'll get a heart attack from exercising too much due to high heart rate #if i don't take my meds i can physically feel it #it sucks #i HATE it #god i hate it #i want it to stop #but because my meds got fucked i might never heal #they might need to kill it with radiation. #yeah. RADIATION. #they're gonna kill it. maybe. one day. but i am seriously considering it. #i hate falling over randomly throughout the day. i hate that i'll be standing still and have to grab someone to steady myself #i hate that one day at school; SPEEDWALKING caused me to see stars #FUCKING SPEEDWALKING #i want it to stop.

[bunkernine]

society if hoo had them at uni age and the lost trio went to chb and chiron is like "how tf are ANY of u alive and unclaimed". wilderness was just community college.

#on a serious note this changes a lot actually. annabeth and percy would not be in chb anymore so when percy goes missing #its like. a genuine possibility and fear because demigods don't make it that old. there is also some added time between tlo and tlh as well #further adding to jasons isolation as being even WEIRDER than everyone else. he also would've been praetor for longer so maybe the romans #wouldve cared more. this also does away with the plot hole of ppl not giving a shit that jason piper and leo (and dylan) straight up #dipped. introducing piper especially to a summer camp makes chb less appealing because they're too old for that and thus makes their #departure from chb make more sense in toa. yet also it opens up the possibility of new rome uni.... which i cannot see any reason as to why #leo would not go there!!!!! outside of being banned cuz he bombed new rome lol. but pipers sexuality arc works for college too!!! ur never #too old to find urself. but also this is the question of if you are able to relatively function in society (this is more for piper leo fran #and i guess percy) then why would you even fight this prophecy??? anyway lol them being college aged is perfect cuz percy is literally #going to a new place and having a new transition with new ppl... like u do in college LOL. now the question is would hazel still be 13. nic #is a lot older at this point and perhaps has the same age gap as bianca and him did 🤔 cant remember. but also don't know why hazel was 13 #in the first place lol. idk. in my college hoo she is just a senior in hs about to graduate from spqr and thinking about staying there or #possibly going to newru after seeing frank make the decision the previous year! SAD! #anyway in hoo. percy and annabeth are sophomores. frank and the lost trio are freshman. #but then in toa. percy annie frank and the lost trio are all graduating cuz percy got held back and Annabeth failed after tartarus fr. #but then also know that piper never went to newru and is adamant about going to mortal uni. and leo kills in newru but is bored. nvm i #forgot he died 🧍‍♂️ ummmmmm ok. ignore leo. and jason actually. so um. ok that really threw me off but are u getting it. that's when apollo #is like 'heeyyyyy i need help pwease 🥺' and they're all like 'dude.' #OK! #but also i ackowedge that this is a children's book and i am not its demographic so god be with you.

[savagebisand]

I saw it be said a few times that Boeing is mature and whilst that man is a lot of things that have me questioning if I'm like... Mentally okay to have such a carnal desire for them. Mature is not one of the traits I'd assign. This is a man who is literally playing games with not just one now but two of his exes. He's spent what months? years maybe? being Tops go to call when he doesn't want a lonely night, the second he feels threatened of his security in Tops fucked up life, he makes a move on the so called threat aka Mew. He's master manipulating. Everything he says is double edged and eery and unsettling. Just how much does he pull strings on Top? You see it in how he talks to him, how he touches him.

Boeing doesn't care for Tops boundaries, he may have even been the start of Tops issues with fighting for his own boundaries being respected. Boeing does this thing where he keeps Top coming back to him for more, and he lords it over him. How long has it been, are you still sticking to the three month rule? He knows exactly the power he has and by god does he wield it. Sabotaging Tops other relationships so he can keep number one spot. Deceiving Mew so easily into believing it's a revenge that won't bite him in the ass, that he's a friend and not a wolf in sheep's clothing.

And as if that's not enough, he then next episode targets Sand again, purely because he hears about how Sand has moved on. Kinda like how he doubles down on his position in Tops life because he thinks Top can finally move on with Mew. Like he's terrified of someone replacing his legacy as The Best Option. Boeing likes pulling puppet strings, he likes keeping people stagnant in a place he can leave them and come back to peck at what's left later like a vulture. And the worst part is he does it because he needs attention.

There he is simpering to Mew and Sand about how he thinks he can be a better boyfriend than their current partners. Using Mews history against him, spinning this tale where Top is selfish and Boeing is "The Good Guy", then using his own history with Sand to delude Sand into this vision where he's blameless and just wants him back bad enough he's willing to be "The Bad Guy".

Funny how Boeing only starts caring if he still stands a chance when he thinks his position is threatened as Sands most important ex. He's still got his little revenge plot with Mew in the works but he wants Sand on his belt too. Also, all this man does is talk about his exes. He tells stories of the past where he and Sand played quiz nights at the bar, where Top took him wakeboarding and made him a pro. Constantly trying to undermine what his exes newest partners may see as special time for them because oh hey btw I did that first. The sheer audacity to bring up dates Sand and him used to do whilst at the same time he was prioritising Top over Sand? As if they're like fond memories?

Boeing presents himself as this true friends stab you in the front archetype but he's just a lost, lonely man desperate for even a shred of someone's attention and value. And that's kind of sad actually. Like babes move the fuck on? Get a life outside of these men's business and stop bothering them?

We love Boeing because he steps on the scene and emits this mean girl Regina George energy where you're like oh this vindictive little bitch is truly a supreme conniving pussy slaying cow. But when you peel back his layers it's like you are the most pathetic man to ever breathe sir. How hard is it to just move forward in life?

Boeing is that smart and that pretty and that good at pulling strings to get to high places and he wastes his time circling the flakey little meal that is this group of men. He literally invented gaslight, gatekeep and girlboss specifically for his exes and even Boston would shake in his leather studded cunt serving boots at the sight of Boeing. And yet, he's insignificant. He means nothing to anyone. He's indisposable at any time and he Knows it. He knows one day Top will say he no longer needs Boeing to play ghost of his past still haunting. That Sand will eventually see why Boeing was never the right one. So he claws for control by removing options. Because he'd never be a first choice all on his own.

I'm obsessed with him, I crave him carnally and viciously. I'd do truly wicked things to that maleficent poisonous man. But he better leave Sand tf alone. It's about time someone tells Boeing they want someone whose actually willing to change for them, to see past what is so say "not enough" within them to make Boeing truly loyal or commited, to choose someone who genuinely tries rather than someone who clings to falsified memories of a past with a significance that didn't and doesn't exist.

And yes I do want Sand to be the one to say it because my biggest fear is that Ray will go in all guns blazing when he overhears Boeing making a move on his man, take over the situation and then Sand will lose his chance to get closure and put autonomy back on Boeing for his part in the downfall of their relationship. If ray interferes, it's a loss of a chance for sand to make a point that he chooses ray no matter what in a way Ray can witness and feel the significance of. Because Ray knows but he's still learning that Sand will choose him over everything and he needs to hear Sand of his own volition, let go of such an important part of his past because Ray is the future he picks.

Top got the chance to clearly tell Boeing he picks Mew and now I need to see Sand do the same for Ray without Ray "forcing his hand" to use Rays expression from the ep when it came to making Sand make a big choice the first time around.

#only friends the series #this is such a weird fear for me bc i know sand would pick ray now over boeing #bc it makes no sense for sand atp in his growth to go back to boeing anyway #he just managed to get ray to let him love him whilst being a better version of himself #then hes gonna settle for bare minimum boeing anyway? nah dont make no sense #but im still fearful of how this goes down when boeing has been shown to have such a strong influence and grip on sand #to the point sand removed blame from him for going to top and views him as the one who got away #and also bc i really dont want impulsive mode ray to make the choice for sand in that split second #it takes from a key moment we could see ray heal by standing aside #still hearing sand say fuck that i cared once but it will always be ray

[haveihitanerve]

POV: You are Curt Smith

you shall recieve-

tada!

#pov ur me and got wayyyyyy too many cute roland pics too #i got a lil carried away #it was just as difficult this time to find solo pics #but i managed #and some are really fucking cute #anyway here you go #from curts perspective this time #i dont know if it comes across #but it supposed to be like #ur curt watching roland grow up through the years #i dunno if it comes across #but that was the point #roland and curt #roland orzabal #curt smith #besties #tears for fears