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#it gets funnier every time I check the reblogs
thisismeracing · 10 months
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His protector | CL16
Pairing: Charles Leclerc x fem!comedian!reader (she/her)
Word count: 0.4k
Genre: regular imagine + smau (overall fluff)
Warnings: not proofread; mentions of Ferrari's disastrous strategy; fluff;
Summary: Yn is a comedian, who happens to date the f1 driver Charles Leclerc and who loves to joke around about how horrendous Ferrari is, but beware: she is the only one who can laugh at her boyfriend’s disastrous races. No one pokes fun at Charles in front of her, especially not on live TV.
A/n: This request has been sitting in my inbox forever because I'm a freaking perfectionist who loved the idea but wanted to get it to be perfect. It's my first time mixing social media au and regular images, I don't know if I'll be doing it again, but I hope you guys like it! Anon who requested: thank you sm for being so patient and kind with your request, it means a lot. I hope it's a bit like you imagined it to be. Every piece I write here it’s a new experience, so your feedback, comments, and asks are more than welcome. *mwah* 🤍
A/n2: A huge shoutout to Leri ( @elitebarzal ) for helping me with this (she was the one who sent me the jokes and helped me with the story's structure). ILY, Le!
A/n3: None of these jokes are originally mine, they're all from the internet, just like all the pictures used are from Pinterest. The writing, however, is all me, and I do not consent for it to be published anywhere else!
Based on this request.
see my masterlist | check here if you want to be on my new taglist
you can support my writing by liking, reblogging, and leaving a comment
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“Why did Charles Leclerc take up gardening?” Yn asks eyes focused on the main camera in the studio, ready to deliver her joke. Anthony, Yn’s colleague, and part of the Saturday Night Live cast, was already trying to hold back his laughter when she added, “Because he wanted to be in "pole" position at least once this season.” 
The crowd hollered in laughter, and Anthony almost couldn’t hold his own back.
“This one got me, I gotta give it to you that this is way funnier than whatever I had for tonight,” he bantered.
“It’s a live show for a reason, right?” she winked and turned back to the camera. 
Yn was dating Charles for over a year now, and he was a constant topic of her jokes, the audience, and fans were used to her always roasting him, but everyone knew it to be just part of their relationship. Yn being sassy and playful as she was would make fun of whoever she was close enough to know her jokes wouldn’t come off as offensive. 
Charles loved that side of her. It was nice to have someone who would cry with you but also make you laugh and take the hardships of life with a degree of lightness. 
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It was race week, Yn was in the paddock and it wasn’t uncommon for some channels to call upon her for a quick interview about her thoughts on the race. She usually wouldn’t mind, she would be polite as usual, answer their questions, sometimes even tell a joke or two and then follow her path back to Charles if he was free to have her around. 
This time, however, this interview seemed to stress her more than to amuse her. 
“We all know he can do better-”
“Can he?!” Yn asked, brows furrowing a challenging look on her face. “With Ferrari’s current strategy, I don’t think he can.” 
“Well, most people seem to think he could, and I tend to believe that maybe that’s right. It’s not always the team’s fault.” 
“Eric, have you tried driving a formula one car?” 
The reporter gaped, taken aback by Yn’s question, before answering, “Well, no, I’m a journalist.”
“If you’re so sure he could do better, then maybe you should go there and try driving the car. See which position you get,” she kept her instance, lips pursed in a tight line. 
The reporter chuckled, trying to light the situation, but Yn didn’t, and everyone watching the live interview saw the tension in the air. Everyone got the message: nobody downplays her boyfriend in front of her. There’s a line between making fun when it’s known Charles is comfortable and openly talking about how he could do better in a sports program. 
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taglist: @sachaa-ff @mickslover @formulakay3 @mishaandthebrits @crimeshowjunkie @iloveyou3000morgan @saintlewis @fdl305 @chaoticevilbakugo @carojasmin2204 @wondergirl101ks @smiithys
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lanawinterscigarettes · 10 months
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I'd like to request Jennifer Check and Needy with a male s/o and he's just perfectly fine with the fact that Jenn might eat him. "Like yeah totally you can kill me...want me to call you mommy or some shit?" And he just laughs every time Jenn threatens to eat him. Meanwhile Needy is just trying to keep the peace between the two teasing assholes. Poly headcannons please love ya bro ❤️
What makes it funnier is that this is something you'd actually do lmao. Love ya too 💙
(Also I know I said I was taking a writing break but for you I made an exception)
Poly! Jennifer Check and Needy Lesnicki with a male s/o who isn't intimidated by demon Jenny
Warnings: murder threats (they're jokes...for the most part), slight gore mention, slight angst (just a little bit, for flavor)
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You both amuse and frustrate Jennifer at the same time
Like yeah it's cute that you're not afraid of her, and your constant state of calmness when she threatens you is kind of funny, but if you aren't going to be bothered by it when she says she's going to rip your head off and use it as a door stopper then what's the point?
She could be glaring you down, demon teeth bared, about to lunge at your throat and tear out your vocal cords and you'll just be standing there like "really? You're actually planning on killing me right now? Well alright then"
Meanwhile Needy is off somewhere in the background trying to coax you into dropping the subject while watching from a safe distant
Jennifer has fun testing your limits, upping the ante by making her threats more gruesome and horrifying with each one (while poor Needy is trying not to puke by how much detail she goes into)
It gets to the point where you actually tease her back, giving her your own ideas for what she could do to you
"You're going to regret messing with me once I tear you apart limb from limb-"
"-and rearrange my dead, mutilated body to look like a shrine to you and your never ceasing hunger? You used that insult last week, try again"
Even if you guys are "just joking" (mostly) sometimes Needy gets legitimately terrified that something is going to happen between the two of you and she won't be able to stop it
At least once a month she'll be found holed up in her room, either freaking out while pacing back and forth or crying while curled into a ball on her bed, trying to find some way to stop your "fighting"
This, of course, makes you and Jennifer feel guilty, even if it's in the slightest amount, leading to you both apologizing (yours might be more sincere than hers, but it's the thought that counts) and promising you won't actually end up fighting each other (no promises on Jen's side, but she does her best to seem apologetic and trustworthy)
You guys have a big cuddle session in Needy's bed after talking it out, you and Jennifer still making the occasional smart mouthed quips while Needy just rolls her eyes in disbelief. It would seem as though some things just never change
~
Likes < reblogs | PLEASE REBLOG if you like what you read
Main masterlist | Jennifer's Body masterlist | wanna be added to my taglist?
🏷 taglist: @anxiously-sad @iloveentrapta @ghot-girl @taecube @corn3liiia @gilmore-angel @your-next-daydream @alexxavicry @noisy-dumb-piece-of-shit @lovelyy-moonlight @red1culous
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sochilll · 1 year
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nyehehe i caught up on ur writing tag Just as you recently reblogged a prompt thingy >:] 13 + kleinsen ?
Kleinsen + 13. leaving notes for them around the home (this one… got away from me. she’s long)
Send a ship and a prompt request!
Jared woke up and flung his arm out sideways. The bed was empty. He frowned. It was Sunday, Evan’s day off. And more importantly, it was the day before a very big important event.
Jared sat up and swung his legs out of bed. It was surprisingly cold for how late in spring it was. He grabbed Evan’s hoodie from the floor and pulled it on.
He started toward the kitchen but his eyes caught on something. A pink sticky note was stuck to the bedroom door. Jared peeled it off and read it.
I have a few last errands to run before tomorrow. I’ll be home soon <3
Jared smiled. He stuck the note in his pocket and made his way to the bathroom before breakfast. There was another note on the mirror.
Wow you’re cute :o someone is very lucky to be with you
Jared snorted. He put that note in his pocket with the other. There were three notes in the kitchen.
One on the fridge:
Sorry to disappear on such an important morning. I know you’ll be annoyed you didn’t get to make a “last time we wake up together as boyfriends” joke
Jared snickered. He had been making that joke about everything lately. The next note was on the coffee maker:
Don’t drink too much or you’ll get all jittery. We don’t both need to be nervous wrecks today.
The last one was stuck to Jared’s favorite coffee mug:
I’m so glad I get to spend every morning watching you drink out of this dumb mug for the rest of my life. I love you.
Jared put all three notes in his pocket. He leaned against the counter to wait for his coffee to brew when he spotted a box on the table. Inside was his favorite type of donut, a note scrawled on the lid.
Happy wedding eve! Love you more than anything <3
Jared enjoyed his breakfast. He texted Evan a picture of the box and a bunch of heart emojis. Evan’s response was quick.
:) how many?
Jared tapped out a reply.
Five not counting the box.
Halfway! :) <3
Jared laughed. He set his mug in the sink and wandered to the living room, looking for spots of pink.
The first one was obvious, stuck in the center of the TV.
I know I say it a lot but I really don’t know what I’d do without you. You make everything easier and better and funnier.
He had to hunt a bit for the next one. He found it stuck to their favorite DVD.
I never thought I’d feel so content and secure in a relationship. But I am. I know you don’t like talking about feelings and I don’t even mind. Cause I know how you feel even when you won’t say it.
Jared was stumped after that. He wandered around the apartment, sticky notes stuck to his fingers, hunting for more. He double checked the bathroom and the living room.
He finally found number eight back in the bedroom, sitting right on Jared’s desk.
The last four years have genuinely been the happiest of my life. And while some of that is due to therapy (shout out Dr. Myers) mostly it’s been because of you.
Number nine was inside Jared’s laptop.
No one has ever understood or cared for me more than you. And I hope you feel the same about me. (Please do oh my god how embarrassing would this be if you didn’t?)
Jared laughed. He added the note to the collection in his pocket. He searched the room again before moving his search into the hallway closet. Nothing there. He checked the bathroom and kitchen again.
No note. Jared frowned. He checked tall surfaces. He checked every kitchen cabinet. He even lifted up the couch cushions. Nothing.
He pulled his phone out.
You’re a liar. There’s only nine.
Nope. Ten.
Including the donut box?
No. Ten sticky notes.
Where the fuck is the last one???
:)
Jared went crazy, pulling out pots and pans, unscrewing bottles in the medicine cabinet, digging through the laundry hamper. He could not find the last note. He briefly wondered if Evan was lying and this was some sort of psychological warfare.
Finally, digging through Evan’s sock drawer he saw it, a flash of pink. He grabbed at it. It was stuck to the top of a small velvet box. Jared didn’t need to open it to know what it was. He frowned slightly and read the note.
I never told you but I’d been to a jewelry shop five times before you proposed. You only beat me because I take too long to make decisions. I love how you did it but I’d picked this ring out already and I thought you should have it anyway.
Jared felt his eyes sting and rapidly blinked the tears away because he wasn’t lame. He opened the box.
The ring was pretty similar to what Jared had ended up getting. A bit thinner and without Jared’s super romantic and expensive engraving like Evan’s ring had. But still nice.
“You like it?”
“Holy fucking shit!” Jared spun around, clutching his chest. “How did you get in so quietly? And how did you time this so perfectly?”
“I didn’t actually. I really thought it would take you longer to find it and I’d already be home by then,” Evan laughed. “Also didn’t think you’d tear the apartment apart.”
“You gave me a puzzle,” Jared said by way of explanation.
“Yeah. I should’ve known better.”
“I do like it.” Jared slid the ring into his finger. “You have good taste.”
“Yeah. Sometimes,” Evan said, crossing the room and kissing him.
“Aw,” Jared grinned. “Last time you’ll be able to insult me as my boyfriend.”
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Note
Regarding the batshit-strange-dream post reblog. I know I should just reblog it myself and put it in the tags, but it felt funnier to put it here and confess directly to you.
I had a dream once, a nightmare almost, of being in class. I am a science major. I do science, botany and it’s related chemistry specifically, because it’s my passion. I SHOULD be good at math. But I am not. I always have to double check my calculations with a peer or a calculator, due to dyscalculia.
In the dream I was in the primary chemistry class, with my classmates and peers. People I’ve known for the better part of a year now, and people who I treasure. They’ve been nothing but supportive of me as I came out as a trans man, from correcting professors when they slip on pronouns and my deadname, to scribbling out places I had written my deadname before coming out, to even two of the guys getting in a heated debate about what boxer brand was the best for me to try.
Point is. I love these people dearly. They make my heart full and every day with them, I get a new story to tell my mother. In the dream, we were all at our usual seats, just chatting and all. Our professor begins to pass out papers. None of us are pleased with what awaits us.
Third grade math worksheets.
The stupid ones with the big, big wall of basic multiplication and division and addition and subtraction. The ones that always were either timed “just to get an idea of where you’re at” or that have some funky riddle at the bottom with a shark cartoon or something.
I have never in my life felt quite so much panic in my chest.
When I woke up, I was still jittery and nervous, and immediately went to the group chat I have with these classmates to tell them. As it turns out, all of them consider that cruel and unusual class work, too. All of them were loathe to imagine that as an actual lesson plan. Though we did agree it was on par with the professor’s teaching style: vaguely related to the class, and primarily something to make him laugh.
ANON WASKJHGFDSASDFG OKAY 1. I LOVE THAT YOU FELT THE NEED TO CONFESS THIS TO ME DIRECTLY LIKE I WAS A PRIEST AND YOU ARE A HOPELESS SINNER AND 2. THOSE THINGS WERE THE BANE OF MY EXISTENCE
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cumaeansibyl · 1 year
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I posted 2,272 times in 2022
That's 496 more posts than 2021!
206 posts created (9%)
2,066 posts reblogged (91%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@velociraptors-in-hats
@ysabelfaerie
@ratsintherosebush
@callmebliss
@indieninja92
I tagged 952 of my posts in 2022
#leave immediately and wait in the car - 138 posts
#oh no babies - 56 posts
#louis - 45 posts
#anathema - 37 posts
#always reblog - 28 posts
#food - 28 posts
#laugh rule - 25 posts
#boogers! - 23 posts
#bangerz - 15 posts
#check out my face - 10 posts
Longest Tag: 139 characters
#i've put so much power in this man's hands... faith that he wants me as i am... faith that he won't use me or trade me in for a newer model
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
One of the funnier things about Goncharov to me is that that image is two years old, it's been on Tumblr for a long time. How did everyone decide that now is the time to initiate the fandom?
278 notes - Posted November 21, 2022
#4
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See the full post
349 notes - Posted July 23, 2022
#3
idk if anyone's been following the ThedaCare case in Wisconsin but a judge lifted the absurd TRO and the seven health care workers can go work their new jobs
if you haven't been following it, this filing by defendant Ascension lays out the facts of the issue clearly and concisely, to wit: ThedaCare didn't pay its employees enough, seven of their employees, responded to open job ads posted by Ascension, and Ascension hired them. ThedaCare, instead of either offering more money or moving to hire replacements, waited a whole month and then filed an "emergency" lawsuit screaming that Ascension stole their employees and if they didn't get them back immediately everyone would die. Some dumb motherfucker of a judge who needs to be recalled granted a temporary restraining order that would ban the seven workers from reporting to their new jobs until the lawsuit was resolved, even though ThedaCare had no apparent intention of scheduling said workers for shifts.
Which is why Ascension comes straight out the gate with one of the clearest "plaintiff's a lying sumbitch and we can prove it" lines I've ever seen in a legal filing:
But this emergency is also of ThedaCare’s making in a second, much more troubling sense: ThedaCare has invented the emergency ostensibly justifying this lawsuit. As the facts will show, allowing seven health care workers to leave ThedaCare for the hospital of their choosing — Ascension’s St. Elizabeth Hospital, not even seven miles away — will not plunge the Fox Valley into a critical care crisis, as ThedaCare claims. St. Elizabeth already offers the medical services at issue, just without the fancy designation ThedaCare appears to view as a better use of funds than paying its workers. And Green Bay is and will remain available as a backup option—no need for diversion to Milwaukee or Madison. In short, this emergency is entirely of ThedaCare’s making because ThedaCare is making it up. [emphasis in the original, holy shit]
381 notes - Posted January 25, 2022
#2
I don't give a fuck if your food has GMOs in it, what I want to know is if you paid anyone involved in farming or processing it a living wage
Where's my cute little logo for that
2,214 notes - Posted February 14, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
Every time people talk about putting billionaires to the guillotine I'm thinking "in this scenario where you can execute the richest people on the planet you can clearly do whatever you want, so just take their money"
I personally think it would be way funnier to stick Bezos and Musk and them in bland middle class lives like Ray Liotta at the end of Goodfellas, it's a perfectly good life if you aren't accustomed to being able to buy entire political parties or go to space or command a herd of creepy little followers who would probably literally kill for you
Want these chumps to suffer? Make them unimportant.
38,325 notes - Posted July 23, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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thatrandombystander · 2 years
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omg omg are you playing aa for the first time
Yeah boi! I started the game (checks notes. oof) back in February and am sloooowly working my way through when I can. The whole trilogy was gifted to me by the lovely @tarticawhat​ after I reblogged this post with tags jokingly asking someone to buy it for me
I’m very slow at getting through games, but I’m having fun! The game is funnier than I expected! Definitely looking forward to learning more about whatever the fuck is going on with Edgeworth and Phoenix’s relationship! (and then hopefully eventually down the line finding out what’s going on with Klavier and Apollo, and then witnessing Herlock Sholmes cause I am very ???? about every other game)
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dulcetines · 2 years
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teh, kalo di twitter kan mainnya retweet, like, atau quote tweet gitu2 yah. nah kalo di tumblr gmn sie 🥲 i just keep reblogging things (and read them yes) but what else can i do here.. starting to love tumblr bc i find so many interesting things here lmao
oh boy. where do i even start
to be able to fully experience tumblr you'll have to get rid of anything the twt culture has taught you. like for example everything is deliberately much much slower here and i think that's probably why you're feeling underwhelmed? twitter is full of algorithms that incentivizes instant gratification and rewards you for staying on top of things. here in tumblr everything is chronologically more linear and it doesn't even have the kind of algorithm that boosts engagement and/or recommends you stuffs based on your likes/reblogs. so the answer to your question completely depends on why you created an account in the first place.
but mostly i want to introduce you to tumblr's tagging systems, which is functionally closer to AO3 tags more than it is to twitter hashtags. if you go to my homepage you'll notice how i have tags like #lovely people and #w: parent trap. people do this in tumblr to organize their content because once you tag a post it'll automatically appear on the tag page. for example, every ask related to the parent trap is always trackable here. or if i want to look at every single person who has said nice things to me or asked compelling questions about my works i can always go to the #lovely people tag.
this is pretty damn helpful especially if you're a creator and you're easily inspired by everything. tumblr for me is an inspiration well. in the old days i used to reblog every single thing that inspired me and tag it with a ship or character i associate it with. this could be a photoset, a gifset, a poem snippet, even a text post:
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so basically pinterest but with a lot more context.
i also unironically use tags to elaborate my answers, which is one of the famous ways folks communicate here in tumblr. you've probably already noticed.
but like i've said, tumblr tags work like AO3 tags, so if you put a keyword into the search bar it will return with all content related to the keyword. for example, i check the #batlantern tag every day to see if there is any new fic and/or fanart lmao. but note that it doesn't have to be a fandom thing. go to the #writing advice tag in tumblr and you'll probably see a lot of helpful stuffs there, when filtered and sorted carefully. you can't really do this in twitter without finding an account originally created for that specific purpose.
anyway. tumblr for me is a form of escapism from other social media. it lets me curate things silently and thus helps me think a little bit better, without much noise in the background. i can even say that it feels meditative lol. like a social media vacation if you think about it. like my favorite AO3 authors and poets are here and every time they reblog something it's like seeing what's inside their heads, how they think about things and how that translates into something worth reading. i find all of their raw thoughts very interesting whereas in twitter it sometimes feels performative. things are also a lot funnier here in tumblr if you follow the right folks.
also if you know your way around HTML/CSS and you want to get nerdy, check out theme-hunter. i spent a lot of my teenage years making tumblr themes lmao
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elsyrel · 2 years
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Arcana headcanons: main 6 and how they use the internet
I thought I wouldn’t write any more headcanons, but... lmao. What can I say? It’s funnier than I expected. I’m not the most versed person on social media myself, but I’m writting this anyway. Modern AU: 
Asra
Watches anime on pirate webs. Everytime it takes 5 to 10 minutes to start the episode because he doesn’t have Adblock installed. If you tell him to install it, he laughs and assures you he will. Next time, he hasn’t.
Aesthetic Instagram. Varies from the most beautiful art to the most absurd psychedelic nonsense.
Posts a controversial bomb on delicate site (twitter), and magically disappears when the discourse starts as if nothing had happened.
Has several art accounts where he posts from drawings to artesanal crafts. Sells commissions but obviously doesn’t pay taxes. 
Offers tarot readings to strangers. Uses thousands of emoticons to sound as unthreatening as possible.
Nadia
Exhaustive + extremely technical tutorials. Used by university cathedratics in their classes on daily basis without credit.
Periodically recieves several offers from companies to become an influencer. Politely rejects them all every time.
Not very interested in social media, uses the internet mainly for research. However, she is surprisingly generous with likes and reblogs for her friends.
Builds her own computer by buying each individual component and ensambling it all together. The result is a monster with the power of a NUCLEAR REACTOR, even though she doesn’t even need so much potency. Somehow, she manages to make it aesthetically pleasing and elegant.
Always... always... always grammatically correct, no matter the setting.
Julian
He is like a grandpa. Doesn’t understand shit. Has Windows XP as operating system. Calls the IT guy to delete the rejected documents from the recycle bin.
Mispronounces all social media names. No matter how many times you correct him, next time he will mispronounce it again. The weirdest thing is he never pronounces it the same way twice. You suspect that sometimes he does it on purpose to pull your leg.
Accidentally downloads multiple virus while trying to watch the most anodyne film. When weird shit starts to happen, he freaks out as if the government hackers were after him.
Resends the corniest chains. He sees nothing bad with Comic Sans font, or with pure red text over pure blue back. Your eyes will bleed.
Uses facebook to flirt with single moms and dads in his area.
Muriel
Ghosts everyone on whatsapp. He checks new messages once every 6 days at most.
Has a secret Tumblr nobody but Asra knows about. Follows mainly bird tematic blogs. Likes mainly funny videos of chickens and cute animals.  500 Likes. 0 Reblogs. 0 Posts.
Incognito mode for absolutely EVERYTHING, no matter how innocent. If he accidentally enters the Google page without incognito mode, he deletes the historial.
Sticks a piece of tape on the computer camera, just in case.
Listens to music in the shittiest quality and doesn’t give a fuck.
Portia
Cat. Picture. Hell. 70% of her phone memory are just pictures of random cats. Nine hundred and eighty seven photos of Pepi, and counting.
Posts advice for garden care... and it’s really, really good. Really thoughtful, with tons of examples and pictures. If someone asks something, she always knows the answer.
Has a youtube channel with videos of her exploring abandoned buildings, recorded by herself or Julian. Base of followers slowly but steadily going up.
Frequently makes funny videos of dumb stuff. All of them with shitty quality and too moved. A few of them have gone viral. 
Meme avalanch in the group chat at 7 in the fucking morning. There is no meme she doesn't know. The bombardment of memes and puns by whatsapp is constant and endless. Run.
Lucio
The most OBSSESSED with social media. Has an account on every single one of them and literally never shuts up. He gets really frustrated when he realizes that gaining followers is not as easy as he thought. Posts the most stupid opinions, then gets angry when he loses followers. ‘People don't know what’s good’.
Potential victim of cryptocurrency frauds.
The most exibitionist bitch on the net. Of course, he has an Onlyfans. But if you ask nicely, he just posts the nudes publicly anyway. 
Thirsty thirsty THIRSTY for notes. Checks every two minutes.
He is a famous patron in the furry artist community. He spends just. So. Much. Money. Some furries even debate if he is a real person, or just a myth, or maybe even several people. He is kind of a legend, actually.
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martsonmars · 2 years
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Six Sentence Sunday
Starting this when it's still Saturday for most of you because I can't be stopped.
Thanks to everyone who tagged me these past few weeks, I was a bit overwhelmed by life but now I'm back with my bullshit! (I still need to reblog some things from Wednesday, and I will at some point, fear not.)
I'm going to share 4 WIPs today, hoping to get to six sentences total. I'd like to finish them all for @erotic-grope-fest, but I know my limits and it probably won't happen, also because I've written almost nothing since the year started and I have no idea how to make the words come back😂 But I'll try my best because I'm very dedicated to this fest, so here they are.
If one of these catches your eye and you want to scream at me until I finish it, I'd be happy. I need all the motivation.
1. Secret project.
Simon kneels next to me holding a mountain of steaming spaghetti.
There are many lines in this that are funnier, but I really want the concept of the fic to be a surprise, so you get this. But I can tell you that Baz is completely naked in this scene.
2. Halloween fic! Aka First Bite fic aka Sex in the Catacombs fic.
I open my mouth to comment on Bunce’s willingness to dress up as a lamp for Mothman, but she glares at me and points to the back of the vehicle, where Simon’s already (unsuccessfully) trying to climb.
I suppose I can’t mock Bunce’s ridiculous couple costume when I am dating this… thing. His legs are flailing around and kicking the air as he fails to hoist himself into the bed of the truck. I know it’s only a matter of seconds before he loses his balance and falls on his arse on the asphalt (would the costume explode?), and he knows it too, because he looks (I assume) at me and yelps, “Baz, please”.
I kindly remind you that Simon's wearing an inflatable rat costume.
I haven't continued this fic since October, when I still hoped I could post it for Halloween, so there's not much I didn't share back then and I couldn't find two sentences that were new and intense enough. Please pretend these are only two sentences. I wanted the Maths to be right but I failed. There's nothing to see here.
3. Måneskin inspired smut.
He carries himself like his steps have already crossed every inch of the planet countless times, something deep and unfocused in his gaze that only belongs to those who have seen more than it’s possible to see in a single lifetime.
I'm really proud of the concept of this AU. Maybe I'll spoil it in the next WIP Wednesday or something.
4. Peasant porn.
“Are you hiding something from me? The last time I checked your cock wasn't four feet long.”
No, this is not a fic about huge cocks. Sorry to disappoint.
Tagging @wellbelesbian @urban-sith @tea-brigade @sillyunicorn @mostlymaudlin @facewithoutheart @palimpsessed @otherpeoplesheartachept-2 @you-remind-me-of-the-babe @forabeatofadrum @johnwgrey @fatalfangirl @letraspal @prettylightsbigcity @whatevertheweather @jbrrring @confused-bi-queer @moodandmist @bookish-bogwitch @shemakesmeforget @snowybank, no pressure and much love <3
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Real Life Tasks With Ransom Drysdale
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An Advent Calendar of 24 Normal Human Tasks As Performed By A Huge Man Baby. 
Day 2: That’s Not Exactly Folgers In Your Cup
Warnings: Smut (Oral) and Bad Language Words
Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x Reader
A/N- Hello! I hope y’all are as excited about this holiday special collaboration made with @what-is-your-plan-today​ and @jennmurawski13​ as I am. It all blossomed from early morning (for me) ramblings and we decided to do it. 2020 has been a hell of a year and we all needed a little something to smile about. And come on, whats funnier then imagining Ransom Drysdale trying to be domestic? Plus it gives some feels. There will be smut written in occasionally, so please heed the warnings to each individual fic. 
Also, we are alternating, but will reblog on our accounts, if you don’t want to miss any, send a message and we will get you added to the tag list. Happy Reading. 
Series Masterlist
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Ransom woke before you, the early morning light streaming through the window cut right across his face and he swore into the pillow while rolling to his back to sling his arm over his eyes to cut off the annoyance. He was almost there, back in that blissful state of unconsciousness when his body took over and insisted he get up. Any further attempt to return to sleep was now disrupted when natural morning urges overtook him and he sighed while lifting his arm to let the light return, blinking rapidly to adjust to the the most inconvenient thing to plague him at this hour. 
Next to him you were still asleep, soundly, peacefully which made him scowl at you for being so blissfully unconscious. He envied you in this moment as he rolled up from bed and trudged into the bathroom to take care of himself. Afterwards once he came back out, he grabbed a pair of grey sweatpants and slipped them on. You would be waking up soon, and there was one thing you always wanted before anything else, even before you were pregnant, it was a must have or else. Now you valued this all that much more since his child seemed to just suck all the energy from you, savored it more then he savored his biscoff cookies. 
Your coffee. And hell be damned if you didn't get your coffee. 
Now typically you make it, liking a certain amount of scoops to get you through the morning, touch of cream and a little sprinkle of sugar just to take the bite out of it. Ransom has seen you make it countless times in the morning, your over sized tee hanging around your thighs and hair piled atop your head. Your eyes would be closed while you measured, you just knew it down to the action how you wanted it. He never tried to mess with your perfection. In fact he learned early on to stay out of your way the first twenty minutes in the morning unless he was taking care of you between the sheets. That was the only equivalent you were accepting of in the morning. 
This morning Ransom felt a twinge of affection now that he was awake, seeing you shift into the middle of the bed and pull his pillow into your chest like you were hugging it. Gently he leaned over and brushed the flyaway hair from your forehead and pressed a kiss there before leaving the bedroom to head downstairs. 
Typically you just made Ransom a coffee too, it became almost a habit for him to want it, although he didn't need it, not like you did. But yea, he craved it and decided that this morning, since he was already up, he would just do it himself. Regardless of the fact that you had forbidden him to touch the coffee maker for some reason. Which fuck it was in his kitchen, if he wanted to use it he was going to. 
“Can't be that hard, dump some grounds in, put in the fucking water.” He flipped off the top of the coffee maker to see if you pre-filled it the night before, sometimes you did. Last night was not the case though. Reached into the cupboard for the precious Starbucks coffee and opened the bag to breathe in the strong coffee bean aroma. Okay, he had to admit it was a pleasant smell, and already he could feel himself feel a bit more upbeat. He ended up setting it aside and searched everywhere for the measuring spoon, leaving a slight kitchen destruction in his path of open drawers and stuff piled on top of the kitchen counter, he just eyeballed dumping the coffee in. Completely forgetting the filter in the process. 
Impatiently he waited, fingers tapping on the counter as the drip drip drip started. “It would be faster just to have someone deliver.” He muttered to himself, contemplating how much you would protest possibly hiring a housekeeper. Fran was decent… enough. He thought to himself. Aside from her being the most annoying woman his grandfather had hired. Of course she could be useful when the occasion called for it. Like now, how fucking easy would it be if someone was just delivering you two the coffee in bed.  
Already he knew you probably weren't going to go for it, it was fine for Harlan according to you because he needed the help. In fact when he brought it up, your eyes rolled and you scoffed at him. “You are kidding right Ransom? You are a grown ass man, do it yourself.” 
 When the coffee maker finally gave the last spurt, and sounded exhausted, Ransom shook his head from the memory and turned to pull down two mugs and proceeded to pour into each. It was black, blacker than usual. He sniffed it, and needless to say it was STRONG. 
Ransom just kept going, grabbing your half and half, as well as the small bit of sugar you like, he stirred it all together and brought it back up the stairs. 
You were just waking up when he reentered the bedroom. Your arms lifting up to hit lightly against the headboard and your wiggling fingers while giving a yawn, you inhaled the strong scent of coffee and immediately pushed to sit. 
“What is that? Is that what I think it is?” Your eyes widened as Ransom set the mug down on your nightstand with a roll of his eyes. 
“Well good morning to you to Princess.” he stated as you grinned at him, reaching over for the mug while he sat on the end of the bed. You didn't dare take a sniff as if to check, not with the way Ransom was watching you intently and you just took a sip. 
It hit your mouth with a ferocity that brought tears to brim to your eyes, and your taste buds screamed in protest at the gritty black death you were forcing yourself to swallow, doing everything you could to keep from spitting it out. You were just thankful that this morning you were dealing with morning sickness, yet. Somehow you forced the bitter liquid down your throat and tried to keep a straight face, as you were touched with Ransom’s act of kindness, something he was still working on. But there was no hiding your expression, as hard as you tried to keep it from Ransom.
His head dropped when he saw your face. “Fucking terrible isn’t it? See this is why you should let me hire a housekeeper.” 
“Ransom, it tastes just fine. And we don’t need a housekeeper. This house isn't all that big.” You rolled your eyes as you showed him you were right by taking another sip of his coffee, forcing a smile on your face. 
“I always had a housekeeper, and I turned out fine.” Ransom rebutted while moving to a stand. “Put that cup down. You can make some later.” He instructed and you were quick to set it aside, relieved not to have to pretend anymore. Ransom yanked the blankets away, making you tumble a bit in bed with a yelp. 
“Ransom! What are you doing?” You looked down at him as he grasped your ankles, sliding you down the bed while he moved to kneel at the end of the bed, smirking at you. 
“Cant make coffee worth shit. But I can do this, and I know you like this just as much.” 
He was right, the man had a mouth on him that you had a hard time resisting, even when he was pissing you off. 
Fingers delved under the band of your sleep shorts and slipped them off before draping your legs over his shoulders and pressing hungry kisses along the inside of your thigh. “Okay, you have me there, maybe I do. I'm a little scared to see what you did down in the kitchen now.” 
“Nothing that can't be cleaned up.” He looked up at you, and you opened your mouth to say something about how you were going to have to clean it when he let his mouth press against your cunt and his tongue bury between the folds. 
That effectively distracted you, making your words stutter from the tip of your tongue into a moan while he lapped at you, shifting between quick flicks to flattening his tongue and dragging through your folds to suck at that bundle of nerves that made you gasp his name in a needy way. Your hands shoot down to twist into his hair, holding onto his scalp while he takes you apart with his mouth. Toes curled into his upper back when he teased you further, your hips starting to rock to meet the darts of his tongue in your clenching channel. You let yourself fall back into the pillows and quit trying to reason with him or make him feel better. You just let yourself experience this new attempt at treating you.
“Please Ransom, I want to come now.” You whined out while his fingers flexed on your hips, keeping you mostly pinned in place although your body was rippling to arch and grind into him. Your heels firmly pressing into his back in an attempt to lever yourself although he was firm in his hold. Unwilling to let you move just yet. Ransom sucked folds of flesh into his mouth, the lower part of his face slick when he lifted to smirk at you, and shifted a heavy forearm across your hips, careful not to press against your stomach. 
“How badly do you want to come, Princess?” He licked at his lips, brighter pink with use then normal and you glared at him down your body. 
“Considering I am growing you spawn in me, you think you would treat me better.” Trying your hand at using guilt to get him into giving you your orgasm, he let his fingers stretch your open, pressing into your warmth. 
“You know I love you, and only treat you fucking good.” His fingers curled to stroke your fluttering walls, enticing you to come for him with every stroke against your sweet spot. “Come on Beautiful, come undone for me so we can start our day.” 
You pressed to arch but he was sure to keep you held down. You started to see stars peppering your eyesight and your mouth dropped open in a silent gasp as you came for him, that rush enveloped you to send tingles all along your nerves, and your voice finally broke out in a soft cry of his name while your toes dug into his flexing back, and fingers twisted in the sheets in a weak attempt to stay grounded. 
It didn't stop him, he kept lapping at your sensitive bud, sucking and driving you to another with steady strokes of his finger. “That was just one... you know we are not stopping Princess until you have had a couple more.”  
Ransom couldn't make coffee to save his life, but he certainly knew how to make you come more than just the one time.
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adobe-outdesign · 2 years
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I posted 3,458 times in 2021
1827 posts created (53%)
1631 posts reblogged (47%)
For every post I created, I reblogged 0.9 posts.
I added 4,152 tags in 2021
#five nights at freddy's - 673 posts
#bendy and the ink machine - 610 posts
#pokemon - 601 posts
#anonymous - 585 posts
#that's comedy - 489 posts
#entomology - 288 posts
#reblog 2: electric boogaloo - 242 posts
#ask - 241 posts
#fnaf: short stories - 216 posts
#video - 207 posts
Longest Tag: 140 characters
#doesn't matter how many pics of rhinoceros beetles i see they're never gonna stop looking like sculptures to me and not actual living things
My Top Posts in 2021
#5
my never ending search to acquire more and more obscure pieces of Pokemon media has lead me to understand some wild shit in gen 1 and 2. like anytime you think “oh that’s weird, why is [thing] like that” it’s probably either some obscure shit or something got changed in beta
for example, you know those weird-ass pokedex entries for Kadabra that are like “lol a kid turned into one of these once. no we’re not explaining anything”
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well there’s this book in Japan called Pocket Monsters Encyclopedia released in 1996 that was never translated. It’s notable for basically being the Forbidden Adult Pokedex(TM) that we all want, as it has much longer ‘dex entries for each Pokemon along with more scientific data. While large portions have been retconned over the years, it offers some massive insight into what was going through the dev’s minds when writing this shit, and is 100% canon (for the time period it was written in).
anyway, while it was never translated, DidYouKnowGaming?, being the hero we all need, purchased a copy and had the same translator who translated the games themselves translate the book. Part 1 of the video is below, and I highly recommend you check it out if you like obscure vintage Pokemon shit.
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Anyway, the point is that this is what it says about Kadabra:
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FUCKING KAFKA. IN MY POKEMON. IT’S MORE LIKELY THAN YOU MIGHT THINK
So basically the ‘dex entries are referencing an in-universe book plot that’s a reference to The Metamorphosis, except due to a lack of space they fucking cut out the part about it being a book, which seems kind of important, but hey what do I know
(Side note: the ‘dex entries saying stuff like “it is rumored that” and “a theory exists” don’t quite line up with it being a book plot, so it’s possible this was retconned, or the book was based off an in-universe event. but this at least tells us why these weird-ass entries exist in the first place and that’s enough for me)
anyway the most important part of this is that the Abra line is confirmed to not be based on foxes, possums, or cats, but cockroaches. thank you for coming to my TED talk
3371 notes • Posted 2021-07-28 21:00:53 GMT
#4
Pokemon except it’s like real animal taxonomy so there’s like 550 different species of Cutiefly that can only be separated by DNA tests
4199 notes • Posted 2021-06-07 21:01:26 GMT
#3
okay was anyone gonnna tell me that this is how TMs look in FireRed/LeafGreen
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can you imagine someone handing you a TM and you go “oh I know what to do with this!” and then smack it directly on your cat’s forehead
5516 notes • Posted 2021-09-30 21:01:43 GMT
#2
Can asexuals feel lust for life? What about bloodlust? Lust for power? Lust to run wild? Or does nothing have power over you?
I can't speak for other aces but personally I constantly experience bloodlust
8790 notes • Posted 2021-08-12 02:22:06 GMT
#1
I realize it’s just because they’re trying to introduce the audience to the concept of Pokemon and everything but nothing will ever be funnier to me than prof oak being like “these are creatures called Pokemon, they live in all sorts of environments!” like imagine if you met a biology professor and they were like ‘I’ve been studying these intriguing creatures called “animals”’
50822 notes • Posted 2021-04-30 21:00:53 GMT
Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →
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watchmegetobsessed · 3 years
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VALERIE - Part II. (Harry Styles)
thank you so much for all the love you have showed to the first part of valerie! im so happy you are just as excited about the story as i am so i hope i won’t let you down.
if you are enjoying the story please make sure to give it a like and reblog so it can reach even more people and of course as always im more than happy to read your thoughts and comments on the part!
word count: 3.9k
SERIES MASTERPOST
masterlist
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Working on a major report you have to finish by the end of the week, you are completely focused on your computer’s screen when your phone buzzes on the desk next to the keyboard. You grab it and answer the call without even checking the screen.
“Y/N,” you say into the phone.
“What’s your size?”
Harry’s voice pushes you out of focus as you grimace unintentionally.
“Since when do you have my number? And what the Hell are you talking about?”
“Since I asked for it from your sister,” he tells you matter-of-factly. “And I’m asking you what size shirts you wear.”
“Why do you need to know that?”
“Because I’m trying to dress up as you for Halloween.” Your eyes widen at his comment, but soon enough he continues. “Because I found cute matching shirts for godparents and a goddaughter and I wanna buy it, but I don’t know your size.”
“Oh,” you say, finally understanding the situation. “What kind of shirts?”
“It’s Fairy Godparents themed, thought it would be funny to wear it at maybe Christmas or something. But only if you are up for it.”
“Yeah, sounds fine,” you nod and give him a little guide to what sizes you usually wear, letting him decide which information he needs for the shirt he wants to buy.
“Have you thought about what you are buying for Val for Christmas?” he asks once you put the topic of your size aside.
“Harry, it’s the middle of October. I don’t even think about Christmas presents until the 15th of December,” you let out a tired sigh.
No matter how bad you want to start shopping in time every year, you have failed every time so far, no exception.
“This proves that I’m the better godparent,” he huffs on the other end of the line.
“It’s not a competition, Harry,” you roll your eyes.
“But if it was, I would be winning. Anyway, I might go a little overboard with the present, so if I end up ordering something big, are you interested in teaming up? I don’t like to give the biggest present on my own, makes it feel like I’m bragging.”
“But you kind of are bragging.”
“That’s besides the point. So, do you want to share or not?”
“I guess we could,” you shrug your shoulders leaning back in your seat. Your legs feel numb as you finally straighten them under the desk, you haven’t even realized how long you’ve been sitting there, eyes glued to the screen.
“Perfect. Is that all?” you ask, not because you are impatient to leave the conversation, it’s been kind of pleasant, you just have a lot to do.
“So you’re really going on that blind date on Friday?”
You furrow your eyebrows at the sudden change in the topic and how boldly he just asked you about your private life. This was the last thing you expected from him.
“Why does that have anything to do with you?”
“Was just asking,” he says and you can see him shrugging his shoulders. “It’s an odd thing.”
“For you. I’m fine with it.”
“Are you though?”
“Why does that matter to you?”
“It doesn’t,” he simply answers. “At least there will be something to make a joke out of next time we meet,” he snorts and you roll your eyes at his comment. Now that sounded more like Harry.
“Unless you won’t have any information about it.”
“You seem to forget Steven gossips like a little girl and I can also have my ways with Rosa too. I’ll have the details before you even get home after the date.”
“You are so full of yourself, Styles,” you sigh, shaking your head.
“Yeah, and it seems like you were also full of me one time.”
“Go to Hell,” you spat, mocking his British accent that just makes him laugh. “If you are done making a joke out of me I’d like to get back to work.”
“Whatever, Love. We both know you just want to get away from this conversation so I don’t roast you even more.”
“Bye, Harry!” you sing before ending the line without even waiting for an answer. Harry Styles once again proved how talented he is in getting on your nerves.
 ***
 Marcus turns out to be a great company and you are finally sending your kudos to your sister for setting you up with a hot guy who is also smart enough to keep up the conversation and not bore you out of your pants.
He took you to a fancy restaurant that’s in the building of a hotel, a place you normally never go to, because it’s pretty much out of your budget, but Marcus was persistent on going there and paying for dinner. After the starter awkwardness you soon cool down and maybe that wine he ordered has helped you relax too. Marcus tells you about himself and then you do the same, just covering the usual fields of your life.
“I have to admit, when Rosa said she wants to set me up with her little sister I was hesitant at first,” he chuckles softly when your dishes finally arrive.
“You’re not alone with that.”
“Does she set you up often?”
You shake your head. “No, there was just one other time, but the guy was horrible, I have no idea why Rosa thought we would be a match.”
“I hope I’ve been better than him,” Marcus chuckles.
“Absolutely.”
You hear your phone buzzing in your purse and at first you just ignore it, but when it goes off two more times you sigh and reach for your purse.
“Sorry, I forgot to mute it completely,” you excuse yourself as you grab your phone and your plan was just to mute it, but then you see that you got three texts from Harry and your curiosity doesn’t let you slide over it so you quickly check them.
“Well done with your outfit.”
“Gives a great view of your legs.”
“Is it also this tight on your ass?”
You run over the messages two more times, staring at your phone in complete confusion. What is he talking about? How does he know what you are wearing?
“Is everything alright?” Marcus asks and you snap your eyes back at him.
“I, uhh—Yes, everything is fine, it’s just that…”
As your gaze runs over the place your anger immediately boils inside you when you spot that familiar grin at the bar. Harry is sitting right there with a scotch in his hand that he raises when you spot him. There’s another guy with him who you don’t know, but it seems like he is more focused on you than his friend.
“For fuck’s sake…” you breathe out clenching your jaw. “Excuse me for a second,” you tell Marcus who just curiously eyes you as you slide out of your seat and head over to the bar. As you march over to the grinning Harry you are literally fuming, ready to kill him right then and there.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” you snap at him trying to keep your voice down. You wouldn’t want to make a scene for sure.
“Having a drink, what does it seem like?” he asks innocently, but his face tells you otherwise.
“How did you know I would be here?”
“Why do you think I went into such depths as finding out where your blind date would be? Can’t I be here by accident?”
“Nothing about you is an accident except the fact that I ever found you charming enough to sleep with you,” you growl back and earn a laugh from his friend. Harry wasn’t expecting such a harsh response for sure, you can tell it surprised him, but he doesn’t let it push him out of his cocky act.
“Was it Rosa and Steven?” you ask, folding your arms on your chest.
“What if both?” he asks smugly and God! You just want to smack him across the face.
“Why are you here, Harry?” you narrow your eyes at him.
“Maybe I just want those details first handed. It’s funnier to witness it all.”
“You know what? I don’t think that’s the truth. The reason why you are here is because you are afraid someone might treat me right and that I might have an experience that would just make you appear like an even bigger asshole than what you already are.”
Harry chuckles looking away from you, but you can tell you just wounded his confidence big time, so you decide to take it further.
“I made a mistake with hooking up with you, but I’m smarter now and I don’t start with little boys like you. I know my worth and what I deserve so I’d really appreciate it if you could move on and let me be. I know it’s hard to forget about me, but you’ll have to try.”
You mentally highfive yourself, because this time you actually made him shut his mouth, he has no retort as he opens his mouth but then closes it back. Flashing him one last bitter smile you turn around and walk back to your date and make sure Harry has a nice view of your ass. He can have one nice thing after getting so burned.
 Your little scene with Harry doesn’t ruin your date, especially because not long after you made his jaw drop to the floor he decided it’s best if he just leaves quietly. By the time you finished eating he was nowhere to be seen.
However you keep thinking about why he even chose to come there. It was way over that healthy line of picking on someone and being an annoying stalker. It’s one thing wanting to know the awkward details about your date, but showing up was definitely just too much.
Part of you was expecting him to call you the next day, maybe apologize, but more like to make a joke out of the whole thing but you don’t hear a word from him and it makes it easier for you to forget about it pretty fast.
A week later you are having dinner over at Rosa’s, just the three of you plus baby Valerie who you keep in your arms the whole night, not able to get enough of her cuteness.
“I knew you two would hit it off,” Rosa sighs with a proud smile and Steven just rolls his eyes at his wife.
“It was alright, yeah,” you nod with a soft chuckle. You just told them about your date with Marcus and you can tell Rosa feels like she just hit the jackpot. After that disastrous try you had last time Marcus was surely a change for the better.
Valerie looks up at you with her huge eyes as you flash a grimace at her, earning a short giggle before her attention diverts somewhere else. She is grabbing onto your finger, not letting go of it as if she is trying to hold herself in place by her grip.
“Funny thing, Harry showed up at the restaurant too.”
Rosa almost chokes on her water and Steven starts to cough very suspiciously. Glancing up at them you can tell they are both to blame Harry had any information about where Marcus was taking you.
“Really? That’s… odd,” Rosa clears her throat.
“Is it though? You don’t have to pretend like you had nothing to do with it.”
“I’m sorry, but he just makes you talk so easily, he always gets what he wants,” Rosa sighs, clearly feeling guilty about it. “But I didn’t think he would actually show up. I thought he was just curious.”
“Did he cause a lot of trouble?” Steven asks, worried his friend gave you a hard time. He is not wrong, but it’s not your intention to throw dirt on Harry.
“It was just awkward. I don’t see why he came there,” you admit, shaking your head as you adjust baby Valerie in your arms so she is sitting now on your lap, looking around the table curiously.
You catch a look Rosa and Steve shares and you immediately know something is up.
“What? Do you know something I don’t?”
“No, we definitely don’t,” Rosa shakes her head, fingers running up and down the glass in her hands. “I just… there could be one reason I think he went there for.”
“What is that?”
“You don’t want me to say it out loud, it’s silly, let’s just forget about it,” she tries to end the discussion, but there’s no way you let it slip.
“Rosa!”
“I was just thinking, that… considering the past you two have, he might have been… jealous?”
“That’s literally the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard,” you scoff as you turn to Valerie. “Did your momma lose her mind, Princess?”
Valerie just looks at you curiously before smacking her little hands on the edge of the table, completely ignoring the conversation.
“I told you, you wouldn’t like this idea, but this is what I thought about.”
“Then stop thinking about it. There’s absolutely no way this is what it was about. Besides, our past is irrelevant. He was literally the biggest jerk to me when he had a chance with me. Why would have he blown that just to be up in my business now all jealous?”
“I didn’t say it doesn’t have any plot holes, but it could be a reason,” Rosa adds while Steven just hums next to her, not really taking part in the conversation.
Soon enough Steven takes Valerie up to put her to sleep while you and Rosa stay downstairs. You have moved on from Harry, but your mind keeps wandering back to him so you find yourself bringing him up again.
“What do you think about Harry? Aside from everything I’ve told you.”
You’ve always been curious how other people see him, since you had a very strong opinion on the guy that was tainted by everything that happened between the two of you.
Rosa takes her time thinking of her answer and you wait for her patiently. Leaning onto the table she rests her arms on it turning to face you.
“From what I’ve seen from him, he is a very loyal, caring and loving person. He and Steven have been friends for so long and Steven always told me how he could count on him no matter what and he has been proving the same to me. Have I told you he was the reason I got to wear the dress I dreamed of on my wedding?”
“What?” you ask surprised. “I didn’t know that.”
“Basically, I had that dress and a cheaper one held in the store until the day before the wedding. I knew we couldn’t afford the expensive one, but I guess I was hoping until the last minute for a miracle to happen and it seems like Harry was that. Steven asked him to pick the cheaper dress up because he was caught up with work that day. He told him specifically to bring the cheaper one and leave the other there. But when he arrived with the dress in the morning when I was getting ready, he had the expensive one. He said the lady asked which one he needed and when he said the cheaper one, the lady seemed sad and told him how much I loved the other one but I even told her I couldn’t afford it. Harry didn’t hesitate to pay for the difference the dress had over the cheaper one. I started crying the moment I saw that he had the one I loved and I was also panicking that I won’t be able to pay back to him.”
You listen to her in awe. It surely is a side of Harry you haven’t had the luck to see in the act, though you felt like you had a glimpse of it before the night of the wedding took a heated and then a quite sad turn later on. The Harry you got to know in the very beginning was the same Rosa was just talking about.
“Harry told me he won’t take my money, no matter how hard I tried to make a deal with him, he made his mind up and didn’t let me change it. I knew then that everything Steven told me about him is true. And I know he can be a cocky fucker sometimes,” she chuckles making you smile as well, “but he has a heart of gold for sure. And this is why I agreed when Steven told me he wants him to be the godfather. I want Val to learn from him, to look up to him, because I really think he can have an amazing impact on her.
“Listen,” she sighs leaning back in her seat and you watch her curiously. “I know that the two of you hate each other with passion, but… you can’t do it forever.”
You let out a long sigh looking down at your lap. It’s one of those sisterly talks when she’ll share her wisdom with you and you’ll just know she’s right. Rosa is always right. Well, mostly.
“I wasn’t there, I don’t know how he acted or what he told you exactly, but he is family now and one of you will have to take the first step. You’re wasting energy on the constant fighting, but I really believe you could work together as a team. I know it’s not just on you, I’ll try to have a talk with him as well. No matter what I think about why he showed up at your date, it was still an ass move. I’m just asking you to… be patient with him and maybe only say out loud half the insults you address to him in your head. That would be a nice start,” she chuckles and reaching over her hand squeezes yours as you nod quietly.
It almost hurts you how right she is. It doesn’t matter how pissed you are at Harry for everything he did and said in the past, you can’t keep on playing his ridiculous game forever. It consumes too much energy and time when you could just be neutral and coexist with each other happily in Valerie’s life. She doesn’t deserve to grow up seeing her godparents hate each other with a passion, that’s just not right. This time you gotta suck it up and move on from what happened, but everyone knows it can only happen if he cooperates as well. You can only hope he’ll take Rosa’s advice and show a nicer side of his face to you.
***
The room was exactly like battlefield, makeup and hair products laid on every possible surface as all the bridesmaids were getting ready, two hairstylists working on the girls while a third one was perfecting Rosa’s loose curls. Grabbing your dress you looked around for a possible corner where you could change since you were finished with hair and makeup, but you saw no free spot, so you had to be creative.
“I’ll go get changed in one of the other rooms,” you told Rosa before you walked out, down the hallway looking for an open and empty room you could use as a changing room for just two minutes.
Luckily you found one just two doors down the room Rosa and the girls were getting ready and taking a look around you made sure no one saw you sneak in there. It seemed once it was used as a smaller conference room, but now it was filled with boxes and extra chairs, looking more like a storage room. It was just fine for a quick change.
You quickly got rid of your plain shirt and jeans along with your bra since the dress had one sewed into it. You stood there, already in your dress as you were trying to get the zipper up, but it seemed like it got stuck.
“Great,” you grumbled, still jumping around hoping to find an angle where it slides right up, but it was stubbornly staying in the same spot. You were just about to gather your stuff and go back to the bride’s room and have someone zip you up when the door flew open and a tall, curly haired guy appeared with a suit on a hanger on his arm and a pair of shiny shoes in his other hand.
You jumped at the stranger’s arrival and he seemed just as surprised to see someone here as you were.
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t expect anyone to be here.”
His British accent was thick through his words and it immediately made you think that he must be Harry, Steven’s best friend. You’ve heard about him before but never actually got the chance to meet him. Now standing in front of him with your back almost fully exposed you can’t help but feel a little shy. He surely has an intimidatingly handsome face and physique that shows even though his loose hoodie.
“I just snuck in here to get changed, I was just about to leave,” you explained yourself, holding your previous clothes to your chest along with the front of the dress so it didn’t fall.
“Your dress is… unzipped,” he pointed it out with a soft chuckle and you looked over your shoulder as if you had to check it for yourself, but you knew it well it was in fact unzipped.
“Oh, yeah. The zipper got stuck, I’ll just… have one of the girls help me.”
“Come here, let me help you,” he offered and you hesitantly, but turned around to show him your back.
His hold fingers made you jump a little when he reached for the zipper.
“Sorry,” he chuckled and you just shook your head letting him know it was alright.
It took him a few tries to get the zipper going, but it finally gave in and slid all the way up. Once it reached the top Harry ran his fingers over it gently as if he sealed it, the touch of his fingertips sent a shiver down your spine.
“Thank you,” you mumbled, turning around. “I’m… Y/N by the way,” you told him, holding out a hand that he took and shook with a charming smile on his soft looking, pink lips.
“Harry. You’re Rosa’s sister, right?”
“Yeah, and you’re Steven’s best friend.”
“I am,” he chuckled. “You look a lot like Rosa, if I might say.”
“We get it a lot. It’s the eyes, I think,” you told him. You and Rosa more or less have the same eyes and maybe share a similar jawline too that makes it pretty obvious that you two are sisters.
“Two sets of pretty eyes,” he smiled and your eyebrows rose at the compliment, feeling the heat crawling up on your neck to your cheeks.
“I… better get going, so you can change too,” you told him turning away and rushing to the door before he could realize how nervous he just made you.
“See you around, Pretty Eyes!” he called out after you.
 He called you Pretty Eyes quite often that evening. Whenever you met at the bar, when he sat next to you through dinner, when the two of you talked outside, a little farther away from the people having a smoke. But the last time he called you that was when the two of you were heading to his room, he was all over you, kissing you anywhere he could, hands gripping your waist greedily as you were trying to open the door with the card he handed you in the elevator. That was the last time he called you that. You haven’t heard this nickname from him since then.
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seraphofthesimps · 3 years
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idk what's funnier the gif on that reblog or the fact that he takes me to IHOP lmfao
I think my new sleep/work schedule put me in a slandering mood. Right after I did it I started naming all the failed anniversary dinners they go on. Im taking this ask as my call out to share.
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TR Men and Anniversary Fails
TW: Slander. None of them are safe. Not even my faves. Suggestive content in a few of them. 
Featuring Baji, Takemichi, Pah, Peh, Sanzu, & Kokonoi
Inspired by this convo
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♡ BAJI - Baji takes you to his Grandma's. You thought it was a cute gesture, even if it was out of the ordinary, because it's the kind of thing someone might  do if they were going to propose. An intimate setting with just those loved ones closest to you. But no. It's because he wants his fave dish from her; it has absolutely nothing to do with you. You are a tag along in this event. It's just Baji, his Granmammy or whatever tf he calls her, and his tummy. She guilts the two of you into coming over for dinner every weekend for the next 2 months. RIP to  Baji getting laid on Sundays for the time being.
♡ TAKEMICHI - He’s dressing up pretty decent, packing on the cologne, hair holding more gel than an aloe vera plant.. because tonight he’s taking you out for a Seafood dinner. The fast food kind, like Captain D’s or something. Yall ate inside too. “They have a new kind of shrimp and we can get those stuffed crab shells too!” That man really thought this was enough to earn him the right to come home and eat you out, while he’s smelling like lemon and Old Bay. 
♡ PAH-CHIN - His had you fooled. He sounded so romantic and thoughtful, noticing how stressed you have been from work lately. He promises to take you out for some real relaxation, says he made you a couples massage appointment at this favorite spot. You realize your first mistake was trusting Pah knew anything about romance. The couples massage is a misleading chair massage in the mall. The ones with like 10 other people getting massages too in the same big room. The ones where you’re sitting up, stay clothed, and there’s bright lights and nosey onlookers through the big glass storefront window. Not at all the spa appointment he mislead you to dream of.
♡ PEH-YAN - Peh does the same thing, unintentionally, after zoning out while talking to Pah about his failed date. Except Peh opts for the automatic massage chairs dead in the middle of the mall. The ones you feed a $5 bill/note/whatever into for 5 minutes of vibrations against your back. The shit eating grin on his face he’s sending your way pisses you off, but not half as bad as the way he lets his jaw drop open and loudly let out a “Ahhhh, thiiiiiiiis iiiii-iissss-sssss grrr-eee-aattt, riiiiiighttt baaaa-bbbeee” to the beat of the vibrations. At least he gets you dinner afterwards. Too bad it’s a double date with Pah and his wife though. Somewhere in life he missed the memo about anniversaries usually being intimate, between two people in love. It’s basically a birthday outing to this man.
♡ SANZU - Listennnnn. That man is loyal af.. to Mikey. He loves you but he is a SLUT babe. It helps that you like to have fun with him though, never letting him get too bored in the mundane life of monogamy. This is what helps makes your relationship work so well. Keeps those slut tendencies in check. So when he says he’s finally taking you to a night on the town with him, ringing in midnight at a Strip Club like you have always wanted to do, you are beyond excited. This is a chance to bond, but make it sexy, you thought. Until Sanzu pulled up to the rundown, generic club that has a parking lot big enough for maybe 5 cars. Inside theres two stage girls, spending most of their attention on the only other patrons in the facility - 4 men older enough to be your grandparents. Your sleaze ball of a boyfriend didn't want to risk spoiling his fun at his regular classy joint, so he figured you would be too naive to realize he took you to the wrong place. Tried to make up for it  To make matters worse, he only bought you bottom shelf liquor all night. And now he won’t stop joking with you about having a threesome with Tiffany from stage left as a way to strengthen your relationship.
♡ KOKONOI - Poor Kokonoi. He planned a vacation, a romantic getaway for just the two of you. He planned everything perfect, exactly how you would have dreamed of. There was just one fatal flaw... he couldn’t take time off, leaving him no choice but to suggest Mikey come too. He thought he could tempt Mikey with a little R&R of his own and just meet up with him a few times here and there to get some of their work done. Mikey though it was a great idea. So good in fact that he invited the rest of Bonten and insisted they all join in on the celebration of young love with you. Alone time between the two of you was practically none existent, and he spent so much on that trip 😓 and he had the nerve to ask for a blowie in the bathroom of your own hotel room because he didnt want to tell the Haitani’s drunk asses to go pass out in their own rooms. He got the blowie but you’re still bitter.
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tsauergrass · 3 years
Text
TOP 5 Of 2020
I was tagged by @tackytigerfic @amortentiaboys and @cibeewastaken, thank you lovelies <3
1. Lemon Blossoms 🍋
Personally I really like the atmosphere of this fic, it’s wintery and warm and very lemon-y? I like the way the story flows, the way scenes and time change without breaks or feeling choppy, like it’s all one river. And I remember writing this fic, sitting on my bed and having no idea at all how to start, and I was for some reason obsessed with lemons at the time so I just started. Writing lemons. And the rest of the story came, just like that. It was so different from what I imagined or mentally jotted down notes and outlined for this fic, it’s like I just tossed all that away (haha) but the end result is so unexpected and so perfect for the story, I realized it was the one I wanted to tell all along. A lot of ppl also left comments saying they crave something lemon-y after reading this, which I consider a success haha
2. To the Rhythm of the Waves
I saw a text post once saying how when you’re trying to write, your brain doesn’t give you a story, instead it just. Gives you an aesthetic, an atmosphere and chucks it at you and tells you to work with it!! (The post said it much funnier than I did, gosh I loved that post.) But the point is, that’s like my brain 99% of the time. And I don’t think I’ve ever really, really centered a story around conveying an aesthetic/atmosphere until this fic. There is, like, minimal plot, but I think what I wanted to create was there: a very soft, faint, tender sweetness. It’s about finding homes and living very simply but happily. In the process of writing it there was a lot of feeling around, trying to find the road this story is leading, trying to find the pieces that would build up this atmosphere, but a lot of it came from within, like from a single place? So the story feels whole, I think. And I’ve gone back to reread it a couple times, but every time I get something different out, so. Haha
3. This drabble
This was super short but I loved it. I had to have typed it out within fifteen or twenty minutes and it just feels right. I liked the Draco in that drabble, and I liked the brief glimpse of perhaps a late evening in a dark room, and I liked the idea of their names. I liked that Harry was so indulgent when Draco was all panicky and hard on himself, when he didn’t expect kindness and softness but Harry gave it to him anyway, because it’s Harry. Because adoration, because love. Just a tiny piece I played with and I liked the result
4. In Your Voice
I don’t know if anyone could tell but I wrote this with so much yearning, like, god. Quarantine was first getting to me at that time, I think. And I remember reading about this article then that talked about the death of landlines (!!) in literature (which was super interesting!), and seeing that idea of having a piece of someone, but not the whole of them. You have their voice, but not their solid presence. They are here, but at the same time they’re not. Having a companion partially, not so completely, which comforts some part of you but makes other parts lonelier. I just liked the idea that Draco and Harry only have each other’s voice, I tried to convey that through their phone call, that it’s the only thing they have of each other. And it’s enough, but at the same time it’s not enough. They want so much more, but they can’t get it. That physical restraint brings out emotional chaos, I think. Looking back now I’m a bit embarrassed about the part where Harry says he misses Draco, it’s kind of cheesy haha. But overall I liked it. I also received a lot of comments saying this feels like home, this feels like longing, a lot of people relating to this and hopefully this brought them comfort, which I am really glad about.
5. Prompt: I love you - Over a cup of tea
This is one where I didn’t expect it to have as many notes, but it did, and I tried to think about why, so I read it and reread it, and I think in that process I came to like it. It’s a small piece that delineates Draco’s journey to learn to say I love you through cups of tea. I tried to put in the story the idea that even though at the beginning Draco can’t say the words, and he feels lacking and guilty about it, he does say i love you—through actions, through small gestures. It was the language he spoke. And I like to think that the reason why Harry was so patient and understanding was because he understood that. He knew how Draco spoke his heart, and he accepted it. And he didn’t, like, wait for Draco to say I love you; that acceptance wasn’t a means to an end. Instead he embraces and loves who Draco is, and when Draco says the words they’re more like an unexpected surprise that made him really happy, because it means Draco feels safe around him now, it means Draco feels secure enough about what they share that he is willing to bear his heart out like that. Just, subtle languages, man.
(May I also take this chance to rec Cibee’s wonderful drabble responding to the same prompt, which is the prettiest thing I have ever read in this world!!!)
Honorable Mentions (because why not!!)
. Colour Me Blue
This isn’t HP but I really liked it. Check it out if you’re also in All For The Game and ship andriel! It’s a story about enamel pins and very, very subtle promises, I liked the atmosphere I created
. Prompt: I love you - Muffled, from the other side of the door
This didn’t get as many notes but I was proud of it. I liked the way I threaded the flashbacks to the present. I wonder whether I would do it differently if I have the chance to rewrite it, but I like it now.
. To The End Of The World And Back
Listen, I just imagine Draco, heartbroken and tired and nervous and aching, walking around the gallery, almost mindless and suddenly—the huge photograph of him appears in front of him, taking up the entire wall, and it’s called Home. Like, jesus. I can’t draw but if I could I want to create this scene
And that’s it! Thank you if you made it here lol, it grew so long. It’s 2021 already and I know loads of people have already been tagged, so if you want to do it and you saw this consider yourself tagged!
I also just want to take the chance to thank so many amazing ppl who made this year better. Thank you to everyone who has ever read, liked, commented, reblogged my fic, or just enjoyed it and savored it themselves—you really made my year so much better, and I hope the coming year will be kind to all of us🥂
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harper-emory-writes · 2 years
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I posted 4,672 times in 2021
77 posts created (2%)
4595 posts reblogged (98%)
For every post I created, I reblogged 59.7 posts.
I added 284 tags in 2021
#catch a harper on a queue - 147 posts
#black sails - 20 posts
#john silver - 17 posts
#lotr - 17 posts
#poldark - 16 posts
#james flint - 15 posts
#demelza poldark - 14 posts
#erik lehnsherr - 13 posts
#magneto - 13 posts
#silverflint - 12 posts
Longest Tag: 129 characters
#it's funnier because none of the humans around her are able to hear the thunk and the swearing so they think she has some kind of
My Top Posts in 2021
#5
no i have not murdered @cockslut-padalecki and i dont regret it 😈 
8 notes • Posted 2021-10-29 10:15:34 GMT
#4
I am doing a positivity check on @gotnofucks because I feel we have not talked in ages and o miss them....
8 notes • Posted 2021-08-29 18:09:21 GMT
#3
Alpha!Thorin would make you ride his thigh, or his bulge, if you were being bratty. Make sure you know he's hard, he could knot you right then, but won't because you haven't earned it.
Just saying...
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because I can do this to sloth after whoring after him for ages...
warnings: thigh riding, knotting, Alpha!thorin will update with more later 
Thorin was sitting on his throne as the soft padding of female feet against the cold floor. A distinct smirk on his face as he watched her come up. Her lips pouted as she sat on his throne, distinctly straddling him, his stature proud as she just came up to his height when sat on the dwarven throne. His mouth close to your ear as he murmured into it. “Hows my little omega?” Her hair was tied into a low bun, showing the large mark that was made by him as his hand snaked up her neck. His lips going just below his mark as he nibbled at her. “Good alpha.” his beard making her want to scratch as she wriggled as he nibbled below her mark again. His tone rough and hoarse as he watched his little one sit on his thigh. “Now why are you here unless your going to be a little brat and not please your alpha.”
Her tone was light and soft as she giggled his voice almost to calm as she was sitting, her cunt bare under her plain coloured respectable long sleeved dress. “But what if it was all for the attention alpha you have been gone so long today your little one was starting to get bored?” his tone gruff as he looked his blue eyes over your body before speaking again. “Then come on little one just show your alpha how much you want his knot, in your tight little cunt.”
13 notes • Posted 2021-02-01 19:23:23 GMT
#2
Cowboy Casanova
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Summary : When arizona catches the eye of quentin blake's notorious right hand man, and she flees she does not know that the same right hand man was going to use what ever he wanted to get her.
Pairing : Burke x ofc (Arizona)
Warnings: implied smut, breeding kink, forced marriage, knife play, dark, Language, violence, 18+
A/N : ok this was a one shot ended up being a parter but hey new year first post to Tumblr.  possibly not everyones up of tea as a story but I really enjoyed writing it so there. also possible spelling mistakes this is unbetad. 
word count: 4236
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The sound of more breaking glass was the first thing that set Arizona on edge. That a bunch of outlaws were running around town was never a good thing. That she was one of the few girls working on the bar tonight was also unnerving her. Height was never at Arizona’s advantage, coming up to an average female height being 5"3'. The bustling crowds in full swing as she tried to barge through the crowds to get to the bar. Her dress tatty as she had it dragged on the floor. The smell of whiskey was very familiar as Arizona heard the smash of glass. Her body soon stood up as she stormed out into the bustling bodies. Her eyes soon lit up at the familiar sight of Quentin Turnbull’s right-hand man. His eyebrow quirked up as he saw her coming through the crowds.
Arizona looked on the scene, her boots mud covered, that's what you get when you're working as a barmaid instead of a prostitute. Her deep red dress old and well-worn, her corset pushing her breasts up as her tone annoyed as she spoke. “Burke, I thought you were moving off from here?” her eyes rolled as she kept her eyes stared at him. His coat hung up on the hooks with his bowler hat. His distinctive Irish accent was audible as he retorted back to her. “Is that right, Missy? Don't you think you're getting into someone else's business.” Arizona soon crossed her arms over her breasts. Her attitude was unfriendly as she stood up to the same man who was definitely dangerous. But she was going to stand up to him. “Yes, but you're in a saloon you're not supposed to be in, are you Mr. Burke?” That was when she heard a scoff coming from his mouth before he stood up. His height towering over hers as she soon saw him turn on his heel, grabbing his coat and bowler hat. Not before whispering as he passed Arizona. “You might have won today Missy, but you wait until I Can get my hands on your body properly, eh.” His grin unsettled her as he finished speaking. But not before tipping his bowler hat up at her before going into the night.
Arizona shook her head before slamming the door of the saloon shut. Her hand reached for the shotgun as she fired it up to the ceiling. “Anyone else wanting to cause a fight tonight, or wants a drink at all the bar is closing in ten minutes.” the customers soon scattered as she started serving up the whiskey for patrons who wanted it. Her corset got uncomfortable as she kept trying to raise it up against her breasts. Unknown on what is happening for the night ahead of her as she finishes up the last errands of her night. Most of the patrons leaving drunk, or at least not sober. Her hand went to the broom as she grabbed it to sweep the floor.  The broken glass of bottles and other items that could injure others. The sound of boots on the front porch decking. Arizona shouted out to the night before she turned her back to the flooring. “Saloons closed for the night, sorry boys!”
There was soon a soft “tsk tsk” that Arizona could hear as she put the broom away. That was before she heard the cock of a gun behind her. Her body whirled around as she stared down at the barrel of a gun. The man behind it was Burke, his black tattoos even more menacing than normal as he cocked his eyebrow up at her. “See Missy, I said we would meet again, didn't I?” his bowler hat still on as he cocked her wicked grin. His eyes watching her as she whistled a slight tone of a song. Arizona gave a small smile before she ducked under Burke's shotgun. “And why are you back here Burke, isn’t your leader looking for you right now?” his dark brown striped waistcoat had a tear in it. The next thing Arizona saw was Burke's hunting knife out of his knife sheath. The silver blade sharp as it held to her jugular, “not back chatting now are we Missy?” His grin was disturbing as he placed the knife down against her corset. Heavy breathing could be heard as Burke looked her up and down. His head shaking as he reached for her dark brown locks, his fingers running through them. He whispered into her ear. “Now you never told me your name did you Missy, unless you want to be dubbed Missy. When I take you back to Quentin, sure he would enjoy you?” Arizona gulped as she felt Burke's knife reach under her breast, quickly making work of the fabric above them. Burke's blue eyes watched her in every moment as he bites down on her earlobe. “See Missy, you're going to get 3 seconds to give me your name before I blow your brains out.” Arizona let out a slight whimper. Burke pressed the gun barrel to her head, his voice calm as he started on the countdown, “3….” she soon blurted it out, “Arizona…. My name is Arizona you can stop calling me Missy now ok Mr.Burke.” His grin came back as he put his finger up under her chin, before brushing his finger over her lips. “Maybe I will keep you for myself, Arizona.” Her body released a shiver down her spin as she looked at his black tattoos.
“What are we going to do with you, Arizona? You are not married, definitely not received a child, and you're waiting to get hitched. Perhaps wanting to be taken interest in by a rich trader.” Arizona sobbed as he reached behind her body. The leather strings of her corset loosening as Burke devilishly grinned at Arizona's look. Her hair covering most of her back as his knife scraped at the red fabric on her breasts. His hand holding her lower stomach as he whispers in her ear. “you would make an amazing mother, you know that Arizona?” His comment confused her as he kept hold of her flat stomach, his knife back in the sheath as he carried on looking at her. “darling you need to marry a husband, one who can keep you safe in all stages of your life.”
With this Arizona soon ran. She was confused about her body being affected by his touch and voice. Unknown to what he was meaning, nothing can be good when a dangerous criminal. Is interested in you, let alone one of Quentin turnbulls. she had to leave the town in the morning, it would be safer for everyone who once knew her. Especially now that she had Burke interested in her now. The fabric that was cut dangled down as she ran from the saloon. If Burke had any ideas where she was heading, she was screwed. But she did not think that he would follow her as she ran into the dark night. Her chest was heaving at the time she reached her safe house. Her dresses and other clothes crammed into a bag. The only clothing that was left out was a very masculine outfit, her way out to be slipping into the night.
The last thing that Arizona saw as she stole someone else's horse before kicking the horse on as she galloped out of the small town. Her small pistol attached to her hip as she made sure to be gone from the town by morning. Her hat just about calming her hair as she left a dust trail behind her. She would head north, if anything told her to be careful going up north with a horse. Would have been safer than going down south. Her clothing was the heaviest bit of her packing, as she kept the small pouch of coins in her bag. in case of any proper difficulty. The horse was holding steady as she dismounted her steed. Letting the horse grab a drink as she sat down on the sandy soil by the river. Her boots left on as she moved her hat to shade her eyes from the sun. The bliss of being outside as she looked at the tree that sat shading her. The sound of a train very close as she remounted her horse carrying on with reaching the nearest town. Arizona might have been close to if at all close to civilisation.
Arizona squeezed the horse on as she watched an immense bunch of cowboys following a train. The tracks had someone on as Arizona kept her head low. The person on the train tracks looked familiar.  She tried to avoid the large herd of horses and cowboys coming out for her. If Burke caught her going tail between her legs back, she could not let him win at all, even if he followed her. She would be well ahead of him by the time she had gone over the mountains. The afternoon sun was high in the sky by the time that Arizona got into the higher peaks of the mountains. The rivers and lakes have sparse rarity. Arizona kept her eye half behind her to make sure nobody had followed her.
By the time dusk had fallen, Arizona was coming down from the mountain peaks. Her body cold as she saw what looked like the remains of a campfire as her body stayed on edge. The sound of shots alerted her that someone was there. Her body slipped back into the shadows as she stayed behind some bushes. The similar Irish accent came as she felt a knife at her neck. “Give it up you're caught, either we can settle this business now or the noose can come?” The tip of the knife poking into her chest, leaving a slight nick in her pale skin. Arizona soon stood up, her body in full view for burke as he kept a devilish grin on her as he spoke again. “Gotcha missy, this time I Can keep a hold on you.” The holler from another voice over the other side of the bushes. Burke placed a bit of fabric and his knife between her lips. “Burke are you there?” Burke stood up as he walked out from the other side of the bushes. His eyes set on the shadow of Arizona as she tucked behind the bushes. Her body cold as she tried to avoid having more confrontation from burke. Moving herself against the cold mountainous terrain. What made her stop was the tall shadow behind her, another man from the looks of it. The last thing she felt before a rifle butt knocked her out from behind her.
Dazed by her surroundings, Arizona woke as she surveyed the surrounding room. Her hands wriggled as she realized that rope bound them around her wrists. That she had something holding her legs in position as well, most likely also by rope. The heavy sigh from her mouth almost prompted someone inside. Burke soon opened the door, his grin more demonequse than normal as Arizona spat at his feet. “You little son of a bitch, you have taken my livelihood away. That you found me is easy enough, but tying me up be serious you can’t even get that damn grin off your face.” At this Burke burst out laughing. His grin reaching up to his eyes as he was very amused by Arizona. “Missy you're  in the situation that I could make you a damn whore at this rate you're going.” Arizona gasped before retorting a reply to him. “You would never Burke at this rate you're going to keep me for yourself. You said it yourself after all.” Burke soon smirked at this comment from Arizona. “I will still, depends on if you're going to be a good whore.”
Arizona was uncomfortable as the slight stench of whiskey came from his breath. His blue eyes watched her, amused from the reaction that she was having next to him. The room was old, the smell of musty damp wooden planks was one she was familiar to her. The smell of recently fired shotgun cartridges. Arizona was cold, her skin paler than it is, and her lips tinged with blue from her outfit. Her body shivered as she looked up at Burke's face. “Can I get a change of clothes at least burke?” He looked at her with one eyebrow quirked up as he chuckled again. His hand reached for his knife as he looked at her again before speaking. “I don’t trust that you're not going to run away again, whore, you know what that means?” Arizona shook her head again trying to deflect his question. “No, burke, why would you think that?” His reply was short and sharp, very blunt and to the point. “Cause that’s what you did the last time, and we found Yeh, didn’t we, you filthy whore.” with this burke flicked his knife out and faced Arizona. “I know your not stupid now give it up, what do you think we are going to do with you?” his face in a grin as he looked at her, his knife thrown up in the air as he caught it with the handle again.
The palpable tension in the room was noticeable as there was a knock to the door before a voice spoke out. “Burke are you done in their we have to get a fucking move on soon.” Unknown to the man's voice behind the door. Burke stormed over to it and opened his shotgun at the door. The last thing that Arizona saw is the loud sound of a shot, right through the other outlaws’ head. Burke's face turned back to her as she looked at the blood spattered face of burke. His bowler hat still in perfect place as Arizona screamed. “You killed someone innocent!” With this he turned the barrel of a shotgun to her. “Now missy, if we are going to come with us, you're going to need to be quiet about that ok, whore? Don’t mention anything about it, otherwise you know what you will be doing for the rest of your life.” With this, the ropes to Arizona’s chair were cut. Not before burke saw Arizona soon nod her head as she did not retort her mouth back to him. “Good girl, now come on we have some business to do.” Arizona muttered to herself. “What business can be more important than being a demon.” her face was completely straight. She had thought that she had got away with it, but she soon walked into Burke's back. His body taught as he turned around to her, the knife pointing to under her chin as his eyes watched her. “Take it back, whore?” The sound through gritted teeth through his lips as he stared at her before reaching for her arms.
Arizona gulped as she was hauled over to the wooden shack wall. Her back thudded very against the wood. nails poking into her back from the old shack as she felt the large blade nick her cheek. The sharp scratch was a mark on her skin now, but the blood was welling up from the slight cut he gave her. “Now whore you're going to behave, aren’t you?” her body wiggled as he wedged her into the walls more, his tone menacing as he looked straight down at her.
Her cheeks were flushed at this stage, not only was she trying for her freedom. She was also very aware of the tense atmosphere that was around her currently. Another voice soon came through as Burke looked almost a talk and you're dead glare at Arizona. He turned to the door before opening the door again. “Mr. Burke, there is this strange suitcase, sitting outside with ladies’ clothes in. Do we have a visitor or something going to happen?” Burke answered, “yes and if you don’t want your head blown off, get out now.” The man soon went scurrying as Burke turned his head to Arizona again. “So missy, any suggestions or ideas what I am going to do with you?”
Arizona whimpered as Burke snaked closer to her, his body covering hers. His lips ghosting over her lips as he kissed her, his eyes watching her as he muttered into her lips. “Your mine, Arizona. You might not know it yet but you're going to marry me as I watch you raising our children? You understand that missy.” Arizona soon spat at him. Her eyes hurt as she retorted a reply to him. “Never, burke, I will never be your wife.” She lifted her hand as her hand striked his face. Her body soon turned as she ran to the nearest open window, the tiny crack of the window enough. To fit her slender body shimmy through her hand was grabbed. Her head flicked back to the window to show Burke glaring at her. His smile turned into a tortuous grin as she stared at his tattooed arm. “You leave now, missy I will hunt you down. I Am going to have fun with our little game. Now either you can leave and we will find you or you can come back in and be a good missy and not make a fool of yourself?” Her first thought was that of running away and joining up with no one taking the traders route into town. Arizona had a niggling thought in her mind that if she ran. There was also a high likelihood of Burke catching her again. Another voice brought her out of her thought process as she tugged her hand away from his, only to get another hand put over her mouth. Her body wiggled and struggled as she tried to get out of the unknown person. Who grabbed her, but not before she heard the distinct Irish accent of him. “Bring her in we have an occasion to get ready for.” Arizona kept squirming as she manhandled into a room. Burke sat by the fireplace, his face illuminated by the firelight. “See I will always get you? Won't I missy?”
Arizona gave a blank stare to burke. Before she heard a softer voice, one that was more feminine. Rather than masculine like the surrounding group. “Can I help at all, burke?” Arizona could not turn her head to face the female voice. Burke stood up from his chair as he turned to the small window. His voice let out a chuckle as he turned back to the unknown female voice. “yes, you can help Hattie, but I won’t be leaving the room and I wouldn't want you injured by a firecracker.” burke's eyes scrutinised Arizona as she rolled hers at his comment before retorting her own reply. “You know burke if you weren't holding me against my hostage. Where a proper gentleman is about this marriage. There is a possibility of marrying you without it being forced?” At this remark, burke chuckled before speaking again. “But Arizona, my little missy you would have never said yes.”
Arizona kept her arms crossed, the other female whispered something into burke’s ear as he said back to her. “If she runs don’t be afraid to call me.” His crystal blue eyes set onto Arizona's eyes, not before he said to her. “Now go along darling you have a wedding to get ready for.” Hattie looked at Arizona before letting out a sigh of relief. “I don't know what you have done to ruin his normally perverse mood.” Arizona looked at the blonde haired female whose name she had picked up as hattie. “So you must be married or one of the outlaws mistresses?” A light laugh came out of hatties mouth as she replied back. “Yes i am married to one of the outlaws, you might know him seeing as he was manhandling you earlier.” Arizona looked wistfully before looking back at hattie. “Do you have any strong drink around hattie?” Hattie giggled before opening a bottle of bourbon. Pouring the small amount of amber liquid into a small glass tumbler. “Yes here drink up before burke finds you drunk before his wedding to you.” Arizona smiled at the blonde haired girl as she sipped at the drink. Not before asking a poignant question to her. “Children ? you don’t look much older than me?” Hattie nodded, her eyes crinkled before speaking again. “I was only 20 when I married my outlaw husband of nearly 6 years now. The fact that he currently has a mistress leaving his wife at home wanting revenge while she nurses his only child.” Arizona sat next to her quietly sympathising. The other woman before getting up and tossing her a small knife. “The only thing that burke has not found is the item on myself yet hattie take it and use it for yourself.” Hattie chuckled before tucking the small knife into her cleavage. “Thanks Arizona, let's get you ready now.”
Hattie slowly made Arizona slip into the checkered blue dress. The blue was not her colour but she could not fight Hattie on changing the dress. It was one that Burke had picked out for them to be able to get married without her looking like it was forced. To the parson or person marrying them. Arizona was soon taken out of her daydream when the tattooed man stormed through the door. His hand snaking around Arizona's waist as he looked at her with a smug grin. “Darling , come meet Quentin.” Burky lowered himself to her ear. “you fuck it up, your going to risk a lot more than your cunt tonight whore.''  Burke stood up again but not before making sure his hand wrapped tight around her waist. With this he led her outside as Arizona noticed a man who she had not seen before at least around the bunch of outlaws. Burke soon coughed as the man turned around his eyebrow quirked as he boomed to the group around him. “Burke you scoundrel who's the new lady.” Burke grinned his tattoos moving as he faced arizona. “Quentin, this is my new wife arizona.” Arizona smiled as she shook the renowned outlaw leader's hand. “Burke married never thought there would be a day for my right hand man to be married.” Arizona looked out at the landscape, her eyes captured by a dark silhouette as Burke whispered in her ear. “Darling stop gazing out into the open world.” Arizona soon looked at him before making her way over to the recent discovery. Her throat seized up as Burke grabbed her body. “No you don’t darling go inside and wait for me there.” Arizona soon gave her graces as she walked back up to the fireplace. unknown to her that burke kept his eye on her while she closed the door to his room.
Her first place to go was the window as she sat down watching the crowd of outlaws that were outside. Burke’s bowler hat was noticeable as she saw his hat moving throughout the crowds. His body stopping on the occasion as he stayed to chat to other outlaws. The sky was a pretty clear blue as Arizona stared out into the open sky, the vultures circling around in the sky. Her head turned around her as she sighed yet again for the current day.
That was until she heard the door close again. Her hand was soon grabbed as she felt the rough hand of him. Her head soon flipped towards the blue eyes in front of her. His hat tipped over as he looked at Arizona, his voice threatening as he asked her a question. “You ruined that chance Arizona, now I will take what's mine.” His blue eyes watched her before he tilted her chin up as he lowered himself to her lower neck. His teeth grazed her neck as he spoke up. “Who’s mine, arizona?” a quiet murmur from her back as he kissed up her neck. “I am yours burke.” Her voice slightly breathless as she was undone by him. Their room is the bare minimum but enough for the moment.  Burke reached for his knife. He reached for the fabric underneath her breast as he pierced his knife into it. the sound of tearing fabric audible as he looked into her eyes. “All mine.” the last thing he murmured before claiming arizona's lips with his own. Intimately kissing her as he lost the bowler hat, cornering Arizona up against a wall. His eyebrow quirked as he spoke again, Arizona's cheeks flushed as she chewed at her bottom lip. “My darling we have to leave tonight, are you going to be able to move off tonight.” Her body was open for him as his striped waistcoat on the front and destroyed in places from gunshots and burn marks. “Or are we a fuckin’ pansy for this after all. Locked up with only your husband to make your body sing.” His grin soon held, that insane unstable mind of his will always win him over. He pointed the recently sharpened knife under her chin if she did not know any better she might have ran, screaming for the hills. But she stayed quiet much to Burke's displeasure as he had hoped that she did not.
23 notes • Posted 2021-01-03 18:53:14 GMT
#1
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Am I wrong about this ??
24 notes • Posted 2021-03-08 17:18:42 GMT
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atatfortatzelwurm · 2 years
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I posted 2,515 times in 2021
43 posts created (2%)
2472 posts reblogged (98%)
For every post I created, I reblogged 57.5 posts.
I added 1,406 tags in 2021
#ace attorney - 441 posts
#phoenix wright - 170 posts
#video - 163 posts
#apollo justice - 125 posts
#miles edgeworth - 111 posts
#funnies - 104 posts
#klavier gavin - 82 posts
#trucy wright - 77 posts
#tatzelwurms - 75 posts
#athena cykes - 58 posts
Longest Tag: 140 characters
#also happy birthday to: norway constitution day. atka the wolf (rip). minecraft. australian gamecube systems. gay marriage in massachusetts.
My Top Posts in 2021
#5
is he.... you know....... *points dramatically* a lawyer?
16 notes • Posted 2021-01-28 15:06:37 GMT
#4
as funny as Miles' very dramatic pining over Phoenix already is in canon, it would be WAY funnier if he referred to him as 'that guy' instead of 'that man'
22 notes • Posted 2021-09-26 02:17:20 GMT
#3
you now that coordination trick that’s like “can you pat your head and rub your belly at the same time” well what if i want someone ELSE to pat my head and rub my belly. what then
35 notes • Posted 2021-11-16 20:23:32 GMT
#2
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i’ve been inspired to overhaul my art style--in particular how i draw humans--by @collabwithmyself‘s art and characters, so while i figure out what in the WORLD plantigrade legs and faces that lack muzzles look like, i’ve been making fanart of his characters.
in order, that’s Friday Adett, Seth Wingstrom, and Verity from his story, Seth Wingstrom: Ace Attorney! go check it out!
65 notes • Posted 2021-10-01 02:20:57 GMT
#1
Harley-Davidson, Inc. exists in Ace Attorney Canon and I can prove it
A lot of people know that Klavier Gavin has a motorcycle. Not as many people know what kind of motorcycle it is.
On the second day of Turnabout Corner, at People Park, he says something very telling:
Klavier: And I was on my way home... when my hog gave up the ghost.
Apollo: Your hog...?
Klavier: My motorcycle won’t start. A clogged exhaust pipe...
He clearly refers to his motorcycle as a hog. Now, whether or not he’s calling it that because he expects Apollo to know what he’s talking about, if he just wants to sound cool, or if it’s a genuine nickname is unclear—at least, on surface level.
See, something a lot of people who aren’t in motorcycling circles don’t know is that the nickname ‘hog’ is not a catch-all term for motorcycles, nor is it a name for a certain style of bike. It’s specific to Harley-Davidson brand motorcycles no matter what style, because it’s not just a nickname—it’s an acronym. As of 1983 H.O.G. stands for ‘Harley Owners Group', but the nickname has been around for the past ~100 years or so, going all the way back to Harley’s racing fame during the Great Depression.
The nickname started from the claim that they ‘hogged’ all the wins from rival company/team Indian, as well as an infamous pet pig named Johnny that belonged to one of the racing team members. After a win, a member of the team would sit Johnny the pig in front of them on their bike and go for a victory lap, and as the nickname ‘Harley Hogs’ gained popularity, the brand accepted and embraced it.
(If you mistakenly call a different motorcycle brand a ‘hog’ in front of a motorcyclist they will know that you know nothing about bikes instantaneously. They may or may not make fun of you for it.)
So we have one piece of evidence in the nickname, but that could just be a mistranslation or a localization thing. However, we do get to briefly see Klavier’s bike at one point in the game, and that’s where I submit my second piece of evidence.
Harley-Davidson is the most famous and largest manufacturer of the ‘cruiser’ and ‘chopper’ style of motorcycle, though they do sell other styles like sport and adventure. Other brands sell cruiser and chopper bikes, but none are as well-known for it. Ergo, if Klavier’s bike is a cruiser or chopper, then we know he’s not just throwing around terms to sound cool.
And sure enough...
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...It’s a cruiser! Specifically, that looks like a low-rider, with a ‘2-up’ or two-person seat allowing for a passenger. It isn’t a ‘touring’ style cruiser, though, meaning while you can seat two people on it, it’s not necessary comfortable for the passenger, especially for long rides and especially with what appears to be a convex passenger seat. Touring bikes are built with the passenger in mind throughout the design with handles, backrests, seat design, extra footrests, etc. This one is not. (Speaking from experience, riding on the back of a motorcycle that isn’t a touring bike is also scary. Comparing the two, non-touring bikes are more likely to feel like they’re about to skid out around turns, or like you’re going to fall off. You have nothing to hold onto except the driver, usually with your hands on their shoulders (NOT around their neck) or around their waist. Eat your hearts out, klapollo shippers.)
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Here’s a real Harley-Davidson low-rider 2-up (specifically, a 2006 FXDLI Dyna, to account for the difference in the game’s release date vs the game actually taking place in 2026) for reference. The biggest difference between them is that Klavier’s seems simplified for artistic purposes. It even has a Gavinners emblem in the exact same place the Harley-Davidson emblem would be on the side of the gas tank, and custom detailing is pretty damn common for motorcycles.
With that, I submit: Harley-Davidson Inc. exists in the Ace Attorney universe, and Klavier purchased his beloved hog, a low-rider 2-up cruiser, from a Harley-Davidson dealership.
Also, Klavier clearly doesn’t (know how to) care for his motorcycle the way he cares for his lovers guitars, but that’s a rant for another day.
235 notes • Posted 2021-07-19 15:16:27 GMT
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